#I feel like I'm the only person on this planet who cares about the Dark Moon King Boo jumpscare but I think it's really funny

[illdothehotvoice]

Oh now that it's 2024 and Dark Moon HD is coming out y'all better start being nice to Dark Moon I stg I do not want to see anyone talking about it being the worst Luigi's Mansion game. In this case worst does NOT equal bad dhjgkfdh.

[astrobydalia]

September Observations

This post has a TW I do not allow the repost on any others platform

© astrobydalia

Something I forgot to mention in this post about 8th house synastry!! I've noticed for some reason this overlay tends to manifest more positively when the house person already has 8th house placements in their natal chart (not a guarantee tho). I feel like its because this makes the house person be more naturally in their power and the planet person no longer feels like they can have control over the house person. In these cases instead of envy the planet person feels admiration and "positive" obsession over the house person like "Im obsessed with you, queen!🥰​😍​🤩​" kinda vibe

If Libra Moons didn’t have the ability to detach fast they could easily pass as water moons 100%. They are such hopeless romantics and love having someone to love be that friends or partners. And yes they can be codependent but only to an extent imo. I’ve seen Libra Moons actually detach surprisingly fast specially if they feel like you don’t match their energy

Im sorry but Libra Suns are not people you can count on imo. They have this very elitist/opportunistic mindset when it comes to people. They treat people based on some kind of unspoken social hierarchy they have in their minds like how successful or intelligent or interesting you appear to be for example. They'll be loyal for as long as they see benefit from associating themselves with you, otherwise they'll be distant, elusive and flighty af. Socially they appear to be super chill but they aren’t like at all, they’re very passive-aggressive and extremely judgmental of others

If you have Venusian MC/10th house (Libra or Taurus MC/10th or Venus in the 10th house), I've noticed people care what you think of them and really feel the need to make a good impression on you, specially the sex you're attracted to romantically. This placement makes people feel like your love and affection is a privilege to have, that’s why a lot of trophy wives have venusian 10th house/MC

Jupiterians (Pisces/Sagittarius but specially Sagittarius placements) are just the best people to be around tbh. Even when they have other toxic placements/energies in their charts, I’ve noticed they are ultimately all about the ✨vibes✨. They detach from negativity quite fast and avoid getting too deep into drama and controversy cause really all they want is to chill and have fun. The “no worries, bro” kinda people. The negative side of this tho is they tend to turn a blind eye when they get called out on their own issues and/or have a tendency to be dismissive when it’s time to take things seriously

^^^You’d say Venusians relate to this peaceful description too but tbh I didn’t include them cause Venusians tend to have a lot of repressed shit and are secretly all about drama (but watching it go down from afar tho)

I’ve noticed water mercury tend to be more diplomatic and charming with their words, the way they speak about things tends to be more soothing yet nebulous/confusing/cryptic. However earth mercuries are more direct and critical which makes them more prone to openly talking shit LMAO

There's a lot of posts victimizing and romanticizing Lilith in the 1st house/conjunct the ASC but I've seen this placement a lot in bullies and genuinely fraudulent people?? I've seen Lilith energy is commonly prominent in the charts of criminals too. Like​ idk why people act like the hate Lilith gets is ALWAYS unjustified 💀 They can truly be really dark and shady individuals that’s literally what Lilith signifies (this does not apply to everyone of courseeeeee)

Furthermore, I'm sorry to say this but prominent Lilith natives have a habit of living too much in the victim mindset and constantly make everyone else the problem as a way to justify their shitty behaviors

What I’ve noticed with Lilith natives who are not sketchy people (so just normal decent individuals) is that they have huge self-destructive and self-derogatory tendencies. They tend to become very cynical of the world, lose hope in their own value and humiliate themselves behaving in ways that are rebellious to them but make other people think the native has no self-respect

Libra/7th house Lilith tend to assume the worst in others. Envy placement. They struggle finding genuine and healthy relationships

I've noticed MC ruler in the 12th house is common in the charts of sex workers since 12th house is related to bed pleasures, secret affairs, etc

The sign that actually behaves like a child irl is Gemini. That’s why I've noticed Gemini placements always want to be the 'cool and fun parent' just like Phil Dunphy

TW: mentions of c**** abuse and s******.

I've noticed Cancer energy (Leo too but mostly cancer) is very common in the charts of p*dos, gr**mers and s*xual predators. No placement will determine someone being this way!!!

Chiron in the 1st house/conjunct the ASC/Harshly aspecting chart ruler is common in the charts of people who have or have tried to commit s******

End of TW

An underrated god complex indicator is Sun-Mercury conjunction. I can't stress enough how much these people's ego revolve around their intellect. Their entire personality to them is being the smartest person in the room

When it comes to pride and ego (Sun) fixed and mutable suns are the most likely to have a superiority complex

Mutable Suns take the most pride on their own knowledge and judgment, deeply believe they know better or have most if not all the answers. They have a tendency to often dismiss, correct or contradict others

Fixed Suns take pride in their own ‘essence’ if that make sense. They LOVE the idea of being special and irreplaceable. Feeling like there’s something intrinsically unique about them

Cardinal Suns are okay tbh. They can have other negatives but when it comes to ego theirs is usually pretty balanced I noticed. They usually take pride in their ability to level-up and improve themselves which often makes them rather competitive or in extreme cases have this heavily predatory mindset when it comes to what they want

This will not be accurate for everyone of course but when it comes to future children if you have Water/Earth moon you are most likely to have girls whereas if you have Air/Fire moon you're more most likely to have boys

Air Venus people are the most open-minded when it comes to taste in general. I've noticed they're the type to enjoy almost every music and movie genre, they can appreciate different aesthetics.... They're also the most likely to date outside their race I've seen cause they can really find beauty in all sort of features as long as it looks overall good/attractive to them. It's not that they don't have preferences, but they're type be open to being impressed and mentally stimulated

EARTH and Fire Venus people are the most selective when it comes to their taste. They know exactly what they want and like. In the case of earth Venus this can be to the point of strong reluctance to try new things. Fire Venus appear open minded cause they have this attitude of trying everything once but the usually have a very hard-set type of things they will actually commit to

Water Venus people aren't that open about their tastes. They hide or repress them cause they really tend to be into obscure or hidden stuff. If you ask them what they like, they'll give you an evasive and generic answer, specially if it's in the context of small talk

I've noticed Capricorn and Scorpio Moons have an innate understanding of the uglier sides of human nature which is what makes them pretty cynical (scorpio) and pessimistic (cap). They are hyper-aware of how most people can be bought and corrupted. This makes them AMAZING business people tho.

Aries ASC natives embody the active, wild and spontaneous stereotype more than the other aries placements. They come across as pretty chill at first but there's actually very little they won't dare to do, they love adventures

I've noticed Venusians can do really good in anything related to sales or business counseling, because they are good at estimating and promoting the value of things

I know we relate Neptune to otherworldly and glamorous vibe but all the people that I've met who made me go "wow, girl, you don't feel real" were people who had air signs in their big 3. They’re not real people, they’re concepts, I swear that’s the vibe they give me💀💀

Also, air signs in the big 3 is an underrated fame/success indicator imo. Nowadays networking is everything in order to succeed and these natives naturally attract popularity and connections SO easily. They effortlessly use their charm and likeness to gain opportunities

I once saw an observation that said Gemini risings give off dumb blonde energy and Im here to confirm it’s true, specially when Mercury is also in an air sign. This happens cause they're up in their minds all the time but this makes them appear VERY disconnected from their environment so they really just be looking like this 24/7 😀​😃​😄​😁​😆​🙂​ and that's why they come across as empty-headed. They also often have this manic pixie dream girl energy which results in people not taking them seriously. This is enhanced when you see that they have a tendency to get talkative about superficial or random topics but their more intelligent or deep thoughts they keep to themselves for some reason.

Taurus Moons actually are actually very very very strategic??? Other earth moons look messy af beside them. They're so grounded that they know exactly what they want, how they wanna get it and they are so sure of themselves they have no issue taking their sweet ass time with it. Every single step they take is so intentional and "organized" if that makes sense, but they pull it off as natural and spontaneous??

Also this is an obvious thing to say but Taurus Moons are so emotionally stable. They work extremely well under pressure, will literally be the calm person admist a chaos or extreme situation. I've seen Cap/Virgo moons getting triggered many times but Taurus moons???? I've known some of them for years and I've never seen them triggered EVER no matter happened which as a water moon that's fucking insane to me 😭​💀​💀​ Like sure depending on their personality they can be more or less expressive of their feelings but its always on their own terms, they don't let other people or situations just get reactions out of them if that makes sense

I've noticed Mercury in the 4th house creates a divided and scattered family. Just like Mercury in the 10th house indicates traveling for work, Mercury in the 4th indicates traveling because of your family. The people I've seen with this placement have all of their family members scattered around the world living completely different lives

Sun-Neptune harsh aspects are very impressionable people and very easily influenced

Also, a lot of people point out Sun-Pluto aspects have like a hidden dark/toxic side to their personality but I've seen it's actually Sun-Neptune that match this description

Libra placements can potentially be very disciplined and do well in demanding and/or serious occupations like corporate, military or athletes since Saturn is exalted in Libra.

Venus in the 1st house can tend to only value the superficially good things in them (lovable, likabale, beautiful, etc) and are more concerned with the image they present rather than building a real personality deep down. This make them ignore or downplay their flaws thus not reacting well to criticism and/or when someone does not like them.

All the men that I’ve met who were actually providers and had this involved father and husband vibes always had VIRGO, taurus and cancer placements

Men with capricorn placements aren’t providers, they’re just controlling af😭😭 They will also be emotionally distant and manipulative af too if they do not have other energies in the chart to balance it out

Honestly water suns (sun in a water house natives too) fascinate me. They just go around life casually hiding who they really are like they don’t have the most intricate personality deep down. All of them have mysterious and intriguing vibes it's not just scorpio!!!

5th house placements (including vertex) will stay behaving like teenagers regardless of their age. The song "forever young" by alphaville really describes them

Neptune in the 1st house/asc are prone to attracting lots and lots of creepy individuals because they have this aura where people project all sorts of delulu and twisted shit on them. Mentally and/or emotionally unwell people feel very attached to these natives unfortunately

Leo MC/10th house really does indicate a career where you're some kind of performer. That’s why many celebrities (specially ACTORS and singers) are Scorpio risings. This can also apply to careers like politics, public speaker, standup comedian, etc. All of these involve some level of fame ofc

Cancer MC/10th house indicates being some kind of creator (cancer=birthing something new, bringing something to life). This a lot of times relate to some art form of course but it can be other things for example a friend of mine has this placement and she works in science and she told me she works in a lab with substances and materials she created herself (idk how it works but you get the idea)

Pisces Suns have a major in gaslighting from the university of never taking responsibility. This can be the case for any unevolved pisces placement but I’ve noticed the lying to your face and twisting reality is much more blatant in Pisces Suns for some reason. They make arguments in such a way that you can tell something of what they’re saying is off but you can’t exactly prove them wrong either so 🤷🏽‍♀️💀

Mercurial placements (Gemini/Virgo) and Venus in the 3rd house may really love wearing rings or lots of bracelets, big watches, etc. Accessories that bring attention to the hands essentially

Libra placentas may or may not want to be "liked" but Libra Moon is a placement I've seen is genuinely liked by everyone. They have this calming and loving energy to them. Celebrities with this placement are generally unproblematic (Anne Hathaway, Emma Stone) or if they are problematic they can easily recover from backlash (Ariana Grande, Leo DiCaprio)

© astrobydalia

[maingh0st]

i know i'm not the first to say this, but the acolyte's cancellation has confirmed how tired i am of disney's decision-making when it comes to their content. i know nostalgia is the easiest way to a big payout, but we can only take so many spinoffs before the universe starts to feel too small. but then fresh content—content that's building on the canon by looking to old star wars lore while asking new questions—fizzles out.

it's the sequel trilogy all over again. we're promised something new, something that actually expands the canon rather than just recycling it, even bringing in concepts from legends, and then the rug is ripped out from underneath us & we're punished for ever caring about any of it. silly babygirl! palpatine was always the big bad (don't worry about the fact that this is thematically nonsense and not foreshadowed in any way), and rey isn't a nobody ("your parents sold you because they loved you"), and this isn't a story about how the force transcends human categories and dynasties (represented by a grey jedi force dyad between a legacy skywalker and a nobody orphan from a backwater planet, fulfilling not only balance between light and dark but also transcending the old to become something new). silly idiot!!! rey's a palpatine by birth and a skywalker by self-adoption and god forbid she create her own identity outside of these names our fans recognize. watch as she stands alone on a sand planet that has no personal significance to her, ending her arc almost exactly as she began. but look!! two suns! neat

i don't even know if fanservice is the right word. at a certain point, it just starts to feel like they're quaking in their boots at the thought of doing anything new. i had my gripes with some of the choices in the acolyte, but at least it was unique. it explored a new era and asked questions that star wars has only ever flirted with. like: what happens to the children who are uprooted from their homes at such a young age, yet can't find their place in the jedi order? how does one survive in a supposedly honorable system that nevertheless relies on the repression of some of humanity's most fundamental emotions? is it possible that an organization dictating exactly how one ought to interact with the very life force of the universe... could perhaps be faulty and shortsighted? what happens when the ways of that order clash with other cultures and worldviews? (spoilers: space colonialism). and that's not even to mention the ideas they play with re: the force itself (vergences! plagueis! force witches!)

i know not everyone loved the show, but a lot of people really did care about it. a lot of people, like me, were excited to see these new questions being raised. but forget it—the disney gods have decreed that it didn't hit some magical threshold of streaming hours or reach a "broad enough" audience in the two months it's been out. but don't worry guys. turn your brains off and tune in for the next spinoff 2 chewy 2 bacca

[astrologylunadream]

Who is in love with you +why?🧸🍑🌸♡ (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hellooo it's Lunadream💌 I will show you right now who is currently in love with you and what made them so! hope you find your message🌸💫

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🍂💗

Pile 1🌸

Pile 2🍮

Pile 3🤍

Pile 4🎃

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 💕

Pile 1🌸

Sign energy: School, Heir, Sloth, Sleep, Care-taker, Sun, Venus, 12th house, 6th house, Taurus, 🛩🌹🖤🐭

🧸Your energy: Hellooo my pile 1's are very cute >w< The dreamy type, loves to take cat naps. May have venus in 12th house or taurus in 6th. I'm seeing a youthful appearance for this pile, you take good care of yourself and often engage in skin-care routines, healthy diet, ect. Make yourself very beautiful naturally💗 You have a feminine aura about you, very soft and angelic. You are very quiet at times and may seem half-asleep due to your peaceful nature. You have such calming vibes, very pleasant and beautiful. I feel like this pile have many suitors or perhaps secret admirers you aren't aware of!! I'm getting royalty from another country/land vibes~ may be a descendant of royalty or simply lots of money, the kind rich girl/boy in your social setting.🛍 Some of you are/were very popular in school. Genuine sunshine vibes <3 You just have such a sweet shining appearance, and your personality is like a little flower so graceful and delicate.🌻 Taurus, Libra, Leo, Pisces, Virgo are signs for my pile 1. You could have venus in Pisces or Taurus/Libra. You may be into the color black or feel drawn to people who wear black, like the dark to your light aesthetic kind of thing~☯💗 You love romance and dream of it often, love daydreaming and drifting off to sleep as you imagine the perfect love story. Cinderella vibes♡ Some could be year of the rat or have a pet mouse/rat.

🍑Who is in love with you: Scratch, Accident, Privacy, Rose colored lenses, 8th house, Cancer, Saturn, Taurus, Capricorn, 5th house, 🤗📌🏖⁉️ Alright my pile 1's this is someone you may know already!! Such secret admirer/hidden crush vibes rn💞 This person has a lot of scorpio/plutonian energy, very intense. Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus and Leo placements, they definitely have Scorpio somewhere in their inner planets. Their aura is magnetic and mysterious and almost dangerous in a sense. They are very private and keep to themselves, they avoid huge crowds and parties, they prefer to be alone.👤 They like being in the comfort of their own home, doing their hobbies and things they enjoy all by themselves. This person likes feeling safe, in a quiet environment, and doing whatever they want. I'm getting that they like going to the beach at night lol. They may have injuries or scars, might have glasses due to eye sight issues and this could be contact lenses aswell. They have restricted themselves from romance for a long time, they just spend time alone because they don't trust or believe in having a relationship with someone, they are hesitant to give it a try. So they just stick to themselves and do most activities alone.☹💔 They tell themselves that they don't need anyone, loner mentality. They may have had past experiences believing in love and seeing everything through rose-colored lenses and it ended terribly for them and it stabbed them in the back, leaving them with trust issues and resentment for having any sort of bond with another person. :( I'm seeing a slow warming up to my pile 1 as they finally start to fall into love again when they look at you, it's like their world is being shown in color, reminds me of the wizard of oz...😩😫💌💞 and they're like "tf is this?!?! What am I feeling rn?? Is this love?!!!"⁉️💗

🧁Why they love you: Trust, My love, Mouth, Drama, Name, Water, Capricorn, Cancer, Eros, Earth, 🆕️🟪👎📸 Okaaay I'm sensing a situation right now, you guys definitely stepped into this person's life and they were like 😳🤯🎆 It just hit them, and like this person has a lot of drama around them. So much crap they deal with and you just came in and I feel like you stuck up for this person lmao I feel like pile 1 just finally stood up for this person and just 🤚 to all those who were stirring up drama for this person💀 I feel like you were there for them when they needed it, and when everyone didn't even care about this person and you stepped in and said the truth, you said what needed to he said and your person LOVES you for that just know my pile 1 like omg they find it so attractive and just so empowering.😍😫✊ They felt like they finally found someone genuine, someone they could trust. And it made them so emotional too they felt like they could open up finally, like a new beginning for them.♡ They feel so safe with you by their side, and omg your name is a huge turn on for them btw they love your name and love saying it (and other ways too...😳) They love how compassionate you are to them and everyone who needs it💗 You ground them, and they feel so secure with you. The biggest reason they love you is because of how safe you make them feel and how much they trust you because they trust you a lot my pile 1's and this person does NOT trust easily I'll tell you that.😩 They love how you care so much for others, they know you have a big heart and this attracts them to you even more!!

💌Messages from your person: Tell me your secrets, You don't owe me anything, I wanna marry you, You keep doing this, I know your secret (What is the secret pile 1??? They're so serious about you!!🥺💍💖) Extra cards: Unheard, Mystery, Attraction, Pain, Hobby, North node, Leo, Venus, Gemini, 7th house (Literally they see a future in love/partnership with you the cards speak for themselves you guys!!)

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the blossom emoji~🌸 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀

Pile 2🍮

Sign energy: Chest, Purple, Emotions, Passion, Stage, 3rd house, Eros, Mars, Virgo, Moon, 🔮📵🎤🛸

🧸Your energy: Heyyy we have a pretty person in this pile!! Your energy is radiating I'm getting lots of Virgo, possibly Gemini, also Aries/Scorpio and Cancer for you guys. Okay so let's see I'm getting really spiritual and uplifting vibes from my pile 2's, you are so emotional and that's what makes you so beautiful🥺💖 Singing/performing may be your passion, or you may really have a thing for music. I'm seeing lots of devotion to music like I'm hearing it's your life omg, You have a lot on your mind, and you think and feel a LOT too. You are at a point in your life where you are very self critical and strive for the best, you are willing to do anything for what you love, including love itself. My pile 2 is very protective over their heart and you guys are not letting it get broken, you have an amazing talent for speaking for your feelings. Your playlists say more about you than you ever could😂😭 You love comforting voices/asmr. I feel like you have really soothing voice aswell <3 You have a lot you stress about when it comes to relationships, my pile 2 should just have more trust in themselves, trust the process take it slow and be open to recieving love because you guys deserve it and it anyone can be loved it's pile 2.🥰⭐ You have a passionate mind and spirit and you put a lot of energy into everything you do, if I could give your brain a hug I would lol it sounds so funny🤣🤣 but seriously, take care of yourself and your mind because you tend to overthink and over feel a lot🥺👌💓

🍑Who is in love with you: Yandere, Winter, Chase, Love letter, Height, Capricorn, Vertex, 6th house, Mars, Uranus,🤙😒🐈🍓 Wow... just wow this is quite the person in love with my pile 2's... where do I even start-😫🤯 Okay you guys this person is really into you I mean REALLY into you... the vibe is just almost suffocating with this person's feelings towards you. Yandere is coming through so yeah they've got extreme ride or die feelings for you guys. Virgo, Capricorn, Aries/Scorpio and Aquarius could be in this person's chart. They could be above average height or have a strange height. They are most likely taller than you, they often tower over you or stand next to you in a way that asserts dominance so to speak. This person is someone you see often, they could be a co-worker/classmate or such. They could be born in winter so Capricorn and Aquarius are likely signs for them, also you may have met this person during winter. They are head over heels for my pile 2's and definitely very into them romantically, they are very masculine by nature and act that way toward you. They express their love in a more assertive/forward manner to you. I'm getting kabedons, grabbing your wrists and chasing you down lmao this person is so into you for real. They may send you love letters often or even daily. They are super committed to you and a little clingy too, huge simp vibes🤭💌

🧁Why they love you: Intuition, Toy, Careless, Flirt, Honest, Taurus, Fire, Air, Venus, Pluto, 🐚🤲🏖🌪 They love you because of how genuine, honest and true you are to yourself and others. They are actually obsessed with this aspect of you and the way you are truly yourself. They really went with their gut and just fell into loving you my pile 2's lol this person can actually be pretty quick to fall in love I'm getting. They don't think things through and just let their feelings take over🤭 They love your feminine energy and passionate nature. Honestly this person can't get enough of you😍😭 They are in love with how you show your emotions and how strong and sensible you are with them (even if you don't think so <3). This person may have started to fall for you after being flirted with/flirting with you. For some of you there may have been a very subtle flirting but they took it so so so serious and now they're like, obsessed with you🙃 Lol they love how you speak and your voice made them fall in their seat lmaooo they love how comforting and sweet you are. And that little spark within you that always keeps you going, they really love that about you.❤ They might have realized how cool you are and just brush things off not letting it effect you all that deeply. I'm getting for the most part this person just really enjoys the chase with you and is in love with obsessing over you guys🤣 Watch out cuz just because someone loves you doesn't mean they're "the one" (be careful pile 2 I'm getting some really unhealthy obsession vibes from this person with you and this could even be someone who finds you easy to manipulate/control so always trust your own judgement!!) They got really into your giving energy/soft aura and now they're hooked.

💌Messages from your person: Stop thinking about me, Stop ignoring me, I can't hide it from you, Am I perfect for you? You can't hide your feelings for me (They are definitely thinking about you rn) Extra cards: Society, Amusement park, Luck, Words, Favor, 6th house, Pisces, Chiron, Gemini, Sun

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the flan emoji~🍮 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀

Pile 3🤍

Sign energy: December, Feelings, Seduction, Feet, Caution, Taurus, Neptune, Water, Venus, Moon, 🌇🔚📿🧍‍♀️

🧸Your energy: Feminine aura is prominent in this pile, I'm getting alluring siren beauty vibes🔱🖤 Such powerful seductive qualities and you guys are so attractive😫💋 May have Taurus in 12th house so Aries rising is likely. May have venus in water sign (Cancer/Scorpio/Pisces) or Venus conjunct moon placement. Some of you could love winter or winter clothing, could be born in winter specifically december. You are very charming and beautiful, ahh I am loving the vibe of this pile🥰 You are very cautious of love, it both intrigues you and scares you at the same time. You may worry about sharing your emotions so closely with another person, or wearing your heart on your sleeve. You have a heavy heart and a very fragile one, you know this so you keep it safe and guarded at all times. You don't open up from fear of being vulnerable which has led to you seeming cold or apathetic, but you do feel emotions quite strongly actually. You have a soft imagination and you wish to be beautiful (spoiler: you already are😇). You feel as if love purposely trips you making you fall harder than you would have liked. You may live in the city or love watching sunsets, you love when the sun sets and the moon rises. Jewelry looks great on you, pearls and onyx probably looks godly on you🥺🖤 Some of you are a bit of a loner type, waiting for someone to step in and say "hey why are you alone? You look too gorgeous to be all by yourself"😫😩😭💞 Omg I hope that's the person who loves my pile 3 lmaoooo

🍑Who is in love with you: Affection, High standards, Blame, Hug, Socialization, 3rd house, Lilith, 12th house, Sagittarius, Fire, ☀️🤐🤵☄ OMG I'm sensing a hot couple with you two JUST SAYING😭🥵 Omg we haven't even started yet I need to calm down!!! They got that look about them omg... they're really popular and liked by so many people it's like, who doesn't like them?! Wide smile, messy hair, dangerous eyes...💀 Omg pile 3 why am I freaking out so much this is great- Their voice makes you high that's what I'm hearing LMAO you wanna hate them but then you can't omg I'm hearing this persons a catch like others would KILL to date this person...🤯 This person lights up the room I mean set it on fire🔥 They have a way with words, and omg they have a knack for telling dirty jokes at parties and like they're so smooth about it-😳 I'm just gonna say it this person is probably really hot my pile 3 the person in love with you is HOT. But you wanna know what?? The worst part of all is they just wanna give you a hug!! They don't want a wild night or some naughty crap they just want to make you smile😭😭😭 They seem like a bad boy/girl but for you they're so sweet I can't...💓 They just wanna make you laugh and talk about your interests. They find you so amusing and exciting to be around, some of you may have a bad impression of this person. So you could be really on the fence about them, or shutting them out completely because you think they're bad news. I'm hearing "don't blame me" you may blame them for some reason!! They could be someone you like and blame them for your feelings😝💕

🧁Why they love you: Past, Magnetic, Acceptance, Passion, Dare, Chiron, Scorpio, North node, Pisces, 2nd house, 😭⁉️😟🦥 Awww I feel like they saw you and was like 🥺!! Like when you see a little cat on the street and you just melt😫💓 I'm getting fast attraction vibes with this one, this person probably fell quick for my pile 3's. I feel like they were like "wow who's this hottie?" Or something like that omg just like such raw passion🥴🔥🧲 Mars in 1st house overlay vibes~ It could have been a dare from their friends to try and win you over, but they just fell deeper in love with you😍 I feel like it was first physical attraction that led them to seeking more about you, then once they saw the deeper shades of your heart they felt even more inclined to love you!! They love your magnetic aura and how you're healing yourself from damaged emotions. They think you're so strong and your endurance is very attractive to them, they have much passion and respect for my pile 3 and just overall so much love!❤ They want to he that shoulder to cry on when you finally open up to them, and they love the true you, the emotional and vulnerable you. They love your chaotic little mind, they also really fall in love with you when you cry. It makes them feel drawn to protect and be there for you, to experience everything you are feeling. They're the type to put themselves in your shoes, just so they know exactly how you feel. They love watching you grow and heal, and transform into the the strongest most powerful person you can be.🤧🖤

💌Messages from your person: Sing to me, I thought it was all in my head, Focus on me, I wanna kiss your neck, You make me so happy (Ahhh so cute😍❤) Extra cards: Angel, Out, Cafe, Girlfriend, Innocence, South node, 11th house, Scorpio, Leo, Fire (My pile 3 they wanna ask you out on a date <3)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the white heart emoji~🤍 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀

Pile 4🎃

Sign energy: Accusation, Admiration, Fear, Company, Fit, Gemini, Lilith, 9th house, 5th house, Saturn,🧚‍♀️🌇✌🦋

🧸Your energy: You give ethereal fairy/pixie vibes, you probably dreamed of becoming an air pilot as a kid😆 You enjoy having people over in your home. You felt restricted in your early years by others, so you admire those who can live freely and live in chaos and fun. You desire change in your life and all you want to to have a good time, others have tried to dampen your fun and good vibes. For some you may have had an older sibling that got on to you a lot, or told you to be more responsible😞 Could have been told you don't fit in with your family, because you are different. But my pile 4 you are so special, you are like a fairy!!😉 So magical and joyful~ you are a child at heart no matter the age, and you probably believe in fairytales at least a little🤏😇💫 You have changed a lot over the years and learned so much, you have many role models. Your child-like nature is both a blessing and a curse, many people hated you for being so light and joyful. But so many people love this about you, those who gave you a hard time felt bad that they couldn't face life as bright and care-free as you do. You truly are a gift to this world⭐

🍑Who is in love with you: Ability, Inactivity, Change, Soft spot, Friends, 2nd house, 8th house, Moon, Uranus, Chiron, 💄🤹‍♂️🌻😚 Omggg this is someone you know pile 4, this could be your best friend or a friend of yours. Could be friends of friends also, lgbtq+ vibes with this person, they could totally be a friend that has a secret crush on you!!🙊 This could be a childhood friend, perhaps someone who always cared for you all along. They are deeply in love with you pile 4 and they are so delicate with you, the way they speak is like a flower so calming and still. Could be Cancer, Taurus, Scorpio or Aquarius placements. I just realized the juggling emoji with the rainbow so that's another confirmation for any lgbtq+ in this pile :D This person loves you in such a pure adorable way, they light up when you smile. And they have the means to truly heal you my lovely pile 4, I mean they could really treat you well. They want to take care of you and probably always did/do.💝 I'm getting that if this is a childhood friend situation that they always cared for you like tend to your injuries, gave you bandaids, shared their lunch, honestly so sweet😭🥺💗🩹 You guys may not have a label for your relationship or it could be very confusing for you both, "are we friends? Do they like me? What are we??" What I'm hearing. This is a very emotional and empathetic native, they are so involved in your comfort and care. They want to check up on you a lot and ask if you're okay <3 This person is genuinely out for your best interest.

🧁Why they love you: Think outside the box, Devotion, Practical, Capricorn, Happiness, Earth, Scorpio, 5th house, 9th house, Saturn, 🌅🧤🎓🗻 I think they realized how smart and capable you are and just how you showed everyone that you aren't childish in a bad way and can actually achieve whatever you put your mind to.🤗 This person is in love with your perseverance and dedication for the things you care about, they love your care-free and fun yet able mentality. They especially love how dedicated you are to being happy and creating your own happiness, that really makes them fall in love💘 They find your mind so interesting and unlike any other, your ideas and beliefs are so unique and innovative to them. You are their little box of happiness awww and they wanna take you with them everywhere they go🥺 They think you're really smart and you never stop amazing them. Every little thing you do inspires this person, and makes them fall deeper in love with you. I feel like they try to think rationally about their feelings for you, because they wanna be thoughtful and rational just like you can be. But of course you make them so emotional and just so many feelings are ignited within this person for you. They love your success and all that you have achieved with your will. They are in awe with the things you do and say, your happiness makes them feel safe. They fell in love with your bright eyes and strong personality.🌈

💌Messages from your person: Cheer for me, No one makes me feel this way, It's karma, I have no boundaries with you, I've changed (I feel like you've inspired this person to keep going and stay strong!! You have shown this person how to be strong and believe in themselves and they honestly adore you for that🥺💓) Extra cards: Show, Interpretation, Sight, Conflict, Softie, Pluto, Jupiter, Neptune, Vertex, Sun

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the pumpkin emoji~🎃 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[janesgms]

Plutonian Women

(and unraveling their destiny)

This post can be quite messy because I only wanted to share my thoughts on this topic. Do not take all of this as my absolute truth because these are things that I've thought for quite a while seeing it in my life and personally too.

Something I've realized lately is that Plutonian Women go through unique situations that set them apart from other people. And in this case, I'm refering to women only and not men because this is based on my experience, and you all know that energies manifest differently according to the gender so I'm not gonna afirm this also apply to men when I haven't seen it in my world, also, as we are tired of seeing, women are treated differently from men in our society so we cope with things differently.

Firstly, I wanted to talk about placements that make a woman Plutonian in my opinion (when I say "Plutonian", I mean someone who is heavily affected by Pluto in their natal chart), but you can relate to this post whether you have some of these aspects or not, so share your experiences with me, I'd love to know!

🔮 1H/5H/8H/10H Pluto.

🔮 0° Pluto.

🔮 Pluto in water degrees (bonus points if there are aspected placements who are also in water degrees).

🔮 Pluto aspecting big 6 (specially harsh aspects: conjunction, opposition, square, contra-parallel / also specially the luminaries - sun, moon - and mars).

🔮 Pluto in the same personal planets/asc.

🔮 Pluto aspects to outer planets in case it's also aspecting big 6.

🔮 I think Pluto aspect BM Lilith/Chiron can also play a part in this.

🔮 Scorpio Pluto if it's conjuncting or heavily aspecting other placements.

What distincts a Plutonian Woman from the rest is their gravitational energy that pulls you in like a black hole, and as intensely as one. Their eyes hold a shadow of their past traumas and occasions but with a touch of mystery that makes you wonder what they went through in their lives. Their stare is heavy and filled with emotions (let's not forget Pluto still rules a water sign).

I don't like to condemn people for their placements, but I think Plutonian Women came to this life to suffer a lot before gaining what they want and deserve, and this seemingly infinite cycle of pain will only end when they learn how to cope healthily with things of life. One of the reasons why they go through so much is their way of seeing and feeling. Plutonian Women feel things in almost a transcendental way, they feel intensely and with this, they can put themselves through "unnecessary" situations when not careful. They're also prone to self destructive behavior, their heart usually puts a dark veil in their thoughts when their emotions come crashing in like a hurricane. Their pain is the embodiment of "female rage", when they cry hard, it's a mix of anger, sadness, sorrow and everything that they were holding back from a while - because they do hold emotions - but they can't run away from their deepest parts, and one day everything overflows and they can finally reborn from that suffering; the music "Pretty When You Cry" describes them perfectly, because they're indeed pretty when they cry and crying frees them in a way, and a lot of people actually like to seem them suffer? Plutonian Women attract questionable men or women (romantically), because they're almost like a beautiful show to watch, and these men/women like them best when they're falling apart, but manipulation can arise and fool them (they should be careful with 12H synastry specifically, the apparently good ones can actually be the wolf in sheep's clothes).

But back to the way Plutonian Women perceive the world, they are actually fragile at heart, but they try to hide it at all costs, they have a pure heart who could be derranged due to childhood/romantic/any other issues but who has no bad intentions most of the times. I think of them as victims of situations they have no control of since young.

However, to be more positive, I'd like to say that this is not a death sentence at all. Indeed, death is the right word to describe Plutonian Women because they die all the time (figuratively speaking, but literal death can be very present in their life too) and they are reborn as better people. Unfortunately, justice or karma is not much on their side because the world can be a place very unfair most of the times, but I think this is due the fact that they souldn't focus on revenge or negative thoughts, even though they can do it a lot as a way of thinking as a "justice". But the message they should learn is that they should focus on getting better, prettier, wiser, smarter instead of losing energy thinking on lower vibrational people.

The truth is that Plutonian Women are the defintion of a a Phoenix, if you do them wrong, you can be sure that they will gain their dignity back and get back stronger than ever, even with a "fragile" heart as I said, they have a malicious mind that protects this side of them; and also, once they apparently heal their deepest and oldest wounds, it gets harder and harder to break their shell, but if you were capable of doing so, just know that you opened all of them and made the Plutonian suffer all again and go to hell and back.

Overall, the word that describes them best is "raw" because this is what they truly are (in the best way possible lol). Due to this, they can attract a lot of hate - similar to lilith women and specially if they are also lilith "dominant" - from people who don't understand their beauty or actions, because their beauty is truly sharp, hypnotizing, dark and undescribable, furthermore, their actions are particularly unique and most of the times hide their intentions, they never do something significant without thinking first. They ultimstely search for what's beyond the surface, when in love, they wanna know your soul and more, they despise flings, they wanna get to know the depths of their s/o's being, they love hard but also get heartbroken hard when it happens. Academically, they like to be strategic and hardworking when they see it's worth the work, they can be perfectionist because they're hard on themselves most of the times. So, afterall, what's their destiny? Their destiny is to feel accepted and comfortable in their own skin, to get over their traumas and allowing themselves to be better, to let go of toxic people and surroundings, to not engage in toxic relationships anymore, to free themselves from karmic debts and to be finally happy.

Plutonian Women probably feel a deep connection with spirituality, astrology, pstchology, crying, darkness, mystery, the unknown, black/red/purple/dark blue, sad and profound songs, the night, dark places in general, mourning, wakes, death celebrations, soul level bonds and conversations.

Plutonian Women are masterpieces who deserve more from the world and people, they've gone through a lot and they should be 100% respected, sending a lot of love to all of you ❤️‍🔥

Hey guyssss, I missed posting actual posts here but I wasn't feeling inspired lately. But I'm back!!! I hope you guys understand my point of view and I typed this with all my heart because I was based on my personal experiences and people around me's experiences. I was thinking in also making a post about Lilith Women since I also have a lot to say about that either ! Thanks for the support and see you later or sooner 💋 Also in case you noticed I didn't focused in scorpio placements here because I think they work differently (I just don't know how to explain this difference tbh, so I focused on actual Pluto)

[norrizzandpia]

Call Your Mom (LN4)

Summary: Y/n’s struggle with mental health and the journey, accompanied by Lando and her best friends, she goes through in order to get better.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression, mentions/inferences/an attempt of suicide, mentions of alcohol, attempted overdose (lmk if I missed any <3)

Word Count: 4,090

Note: In this song, the artist says he’ll call the person he’s talking to’s mom, but in the imagine, I changed it to Lando calling the reader’s best friends. Also, at the end of the song, the artist talks about religion (specifically religions that believe in Jesus) so, as to not assume anyone’s religion, I just didn’t address that part of the lyric in the song. Happy reading 🧡

Oh, you're spiraling again. The moment right before it ends, you're most afraid of but, don't you cancel any plans. 'Cause I won't let you get the chance to never make them

Opening the door, Lando clocked the quietness of his apartment, something he wasn't accustomed to ever since his girlfriend moved in with him. Slipping off his shoes and letting his duffel bag fall to the floor, he called out for her multiple times, but he was continually met with a loud silence.

"Y/n?" He said once more as he rounded the corner of the kitchen and made his way toward their bedroom.

If it hadn't been for the quiet, he wouldn't have heard her soft murmur, "In here."

'In here' sounded like the bedroom and his suspicions were proven true when he walked through the threshold to be met with her curled up in the duvet. Her face was towards him and, in a millisecond, he could tell she was struggling again.

Softly, he padded over to her before sitting down beside her and letting his hand come to stroke her cheek, "How was hanging out with Lily and Paige today?"

Shaking her head and turning over, Y/n told Lando she had canceled the plans and decided not to go. His disappointment was internal, something he wouldn't clue her in on because it would destroy her to know he was disappointed in her for something she can't control. Her depressive episodes were less frequent now, but they still came around every so often, and when they did, they were suffocating. After years, he had shown up enough to make her feel like he was her safe place, so when she slipped into the darkness of her mind, she didn't shut him out.

Taking off his shirt and pants, so he was only left in his boxers, he slipped under the covers and turned her around so she was facing him once again. Holding her head in his hands, he was quick to wipe away the tears under her eyes and splayed over her cheeks before kissing her nose, "I know it's hard right now, but this will pass. You will get through this one like you do the other ones. But, I'm right here with you if you ever feel like you need a hand to hold."

He seemed to get through to her as she smiled softly at him and stuffed her face into his neck. His hands circled around her as he felt her breathe in his cologne.

Tomorrow, he would call Paige and Lily, and tell them what was going on. If there were other people on the planet that could help Y/n out of the deep depths of her mind, it was her best friends.

The two girls who had been there long before he had.

—

Stayed on the line with you the entire night till you let it out and let it in. Don't let this darkness fool you. All lights turned off can be turned on. I'll drive, I'll drive all night. I'll call your mom.

These were the worst ones. The ones where he couldn't be there because he was in another country. These were the ones he feared the most.

Her sobbing on the other side of the phone broke his heart further as he contemplated packing up all his stuff and pulling out of the race that was just two days away. His team would be furious with him, but, at this point, he couldn't care. All he cared about was getting to her and calming the ever-flowing, horrible thoughts.

"I know you always say I get through these and I come out on the other side, but I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore." She cried again. Her words terrified Lando like he could never explain. If she was insinuating what he thought, then pulling out of the race wouldn't be so bad. However, he didn't want to ask her because the idea of putting that in her head and having her dwell on that course of action without him was haunting.

"Remember what we always say? All lights turned off can be turned on? Y/n, that's what you are. You're a light to everyone around you. To me, to Paige and Lily, to your family, to anyone who has the privilege of meeting you, you're a bright, bright light. Just hang on for me, darling. Please. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me." He pleaded with her as he texted quickly with Paige and Lily. The two friends were the only ones in close vicinity with Y/n and the minute he had texted them, letting each of them know she needed help, they were texting him not even a second later that they were on their way.

"Okay." It was faint, but it was there. On the other end of the line, he heard doors opening and closing along with the soft chatter of two voices he recognized immediately.

"Did you call Paige and Lily?" His girlfriend asked as the voices grew louder.

"Of course." He responded quickly.

Y/n was silent for a moment before she took in a breath, "Thank you."

Even with her muffled tone, he could hear the small smile, "Anytime, angel. I'm always here to help you."

Y/n must've forgotten to hang up the phone because he was able to hear their bedroom door open and close along with Paige's booming voice, "Hey, babe. We brought wine and romance novels. Ready to find the craziest smut and laugh at it?"

Lando smiled to himself. The three girls had been a tight-knit group since high school and had been obsessed with getting together to find into each other's delusions. He was convinced that he never laughed harder when he was included in their girl talks because they would say and do the most outrageous things. He had never met three people who would genuinely do anything for each other, whether that was murder or ordering food because the other two were too nervous to do it themselves.

The conversation continued as he heard Paige and Lily plop down onto the bed, "Was that Lando?" Lily asked.

He could see Y/n's nod in his head, "Yeah, he was just talking with me. You know, being the disgustingly perfect human being he is."

Paige groaned, "Ugh, he really is disgusting. He's like those book boyfriends we used to obsess over when we were in high school. I mean, seriously Y/n, he's perfect. I was genuinely worried when you said you were dating an F1 driver because most of those guys are just players, but I think he's the one for you."

Lando's smile intensified as he heard Paige's truthful opinion of him. When they first got together, he knew impressing her best friends was of utmost importance. If he didn't get their stamp of approval, he was done for. So he had gotten flowers for each of them and had paid for the entire lunch they had. Lily was easy to win over with that lunch, but Paige had twisted his gestures in a way that made him seem shallow. His flowers were over-the-top and obvious, and paying for lunch was flaunting his money. It had taken a few months to get through to the girl, but after a lengthy conversation where it became apparent to him how protective she was over Y/n, Lando assured her he would protect her just the same.

Y/n's laughing brought Lando back to the conversation he was eavesdropping on, "How does that position even work?"

Clearly he had zoned out long enough to not notice the transition from the topic of him to dirty romance novels, but he didn't really care because Y/n was laughing and that was good.

That was really, really good.

—

Waiting room, no place to stand. Just greatest fears, and wringing hands and the loudest silence.

He didn't know how it got to that point, to be completely honest. One moment, he had gotten off the phone with her and the next he was getting a call from Paige, who was in a clear fit of distress as she spit out she had gotten an alarming text from Y/n that sounded too much like a goodbye. In fear, Lando stood up abruptly in his meeting and ran out, telling everyone he had a family emergency. He had probably broken multiple laws as he sped through intersections and school zones to get to her. His car hadn't even fully stopped before he was flying out of it and shoving open the door to their apartment. He didn't clock the silence this time because all he could hear was the shower and the steady stream of water.

The door was locked as he tried to get in and he began banging on the door, yelling for Y/n to come out. Tears flooded his vision as he pleaded with her to open the door or at least give him some confirmation she was okay, but nothing came. All he could hear was the sick and twisted sound of water hitting tile flooring. It didn't take his mind more than two seconds to come to the conclusion he would have to break the door down and when he did, he was met with Y/n and a bottle of pills in her hand.

She seemed coherent which was a good sign, but Lando saw the tears flying down her face as she stared at the bottle. He was quick to kneel down before her and gently take the bottle of her hands, "Did you take them?" He asked assertively.

When she didn't answer, he asked more forcefully, "Y/n, did you take them?"

She shook her head 'no' and Lando let out a strangled sob.

"Y/n, baby, you need help. You need to get on medication and see a therapist. It will help you, I promise. Please, just-" He took a breath to try and calm down, "Just let me get you the help you need."

So, that's how he found himself in the dim waiting room of the hospital with clammy palms and a loud mind.

"Lando." Paige's voice appeared from behind him and as he turned around, he saw her tear-stained cheeks.

"She was about to do it when I got there. If I hadn't gotten there when I did, she-" Lando's tears cut him off as his head fell into his hands and he broke down once more. He didn't know what he would've done if he hadn't gotten there as soon as he did.

Paige's hand on his back reminded him that she was Y/n's best friend and was probably going through the same emotions. Letting his head turn so he could meet her gaze, he asked, "How are you? Is Lily coming?"

Paige sighed, "I'm as good as I can be in this kind of situation and Lily's on her way, but she won't be here for a few hours. She was on a business trip when it happened."

He nodded as he sat back, shrugging off Paige's hand that he wished was Y/n's. The two sat next to each other as they stared off into the distance, leaving words unsaid as they waited to hear what was going on with Y/n's psych evaluation.

If you could see yourself like this, if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it.

As he stared down at his lock screen, he reminisced on an easier time. The picture was of the two at his parent's house when he got the call that he would be in F1. They were sitting next to each other at the dining room table, their faces lit up with smiles as they looked at each other. Y/n's hands were up in the air, seconds from wrapping him in a hug, and his were already on her, two arms around her waist. It was a split-second moment only picked up on by the video his mom had been taking at the time, but he liked this photo more than the one of the them actually hugging because it seemed more genuine. A quick moment that was just them and her happiness for him.

She had seen the photo multiple times, but Lando didn't think she had really seen it. He didn't think she had actually took note of how beautiful her smile looked or how pretty her eyes sparkled or the way he looked at her or how, in that moment, he wasn't looking at his phone which had just told him his lifelong dream was coming true, but at the girl who had been his true dream all along. He wondered if he had shown her all these small things maybe she wouldn't have gotten to this point, to the point where she wanted to end it all. His mind wandered to places where this was his fault, where he should have tried harder to show her how loved she was.

However, before he could spiral deeper, the sight of her doctor approaching them made him stand up and forget about everything else, but her.

"How is she?" He immediately asked as Paige and Lily stood up beside him. Lily had gotten there about an hour before, rambling on about how sorry she was that she couldn't be there sooner.

"She's doing better, however, it is my professional opinion that she stays here for a few more days before she goes home. I would like to put her on antidepressants and give her the information for a therapist I think could really help her. Are you her husband?" The doctor spoke.

Lando shook his head, "No, just her boyfriend."

The doctor nodded, "Okay, I'm going to need to ask you a few questions about how long this has been going on and such." His gaze shifted to the two girls standing beside Lando, "Are you her friends?"

The two nodded, "Okay, she's been asking for you. Paige and Lily, is it? You can visit her if you'd like."

Before he knew it, Paige and Lily were leaving his side to go tend to the girl that was more their sister than their friend.

Leaving just him and the doctor, the questions began, "How long has she been struggling this way?"

"Well, she's always struggled with depression, but it's gotten worse over the past year. Her episodes haven't been as often, but they're worse when they come now." Lando answered just as the doctor began nodding.

Down the hall, Paige and Lily were lying on each side of Y/n's hospital bed.

"Why, Y/n?" Paige asked from her squished position.

Y/n shook her head, "I don't know. I just- I got off the phone with Lando and something just snapped in me. I've burdened all of you with my problems for so long, I couldn't do it anymore. I can't imagine how sick Lando must be of having to be at my beck and call every two seconds. I'm just done forcing you guys to be there for me."

Paige and Lily eyed each other from over their friend's head, "Y/n," Lily began, "you are not burdening anyone with your problems. You've never ever been doing that. We show up for you because we want to, not because we have to. You've been Paige and I's family for so long, of course we're going to want to be there for you when you're struggling. And Lando? Lando was out there crying into his hands because he thinks this is his fault, that he didn't try as hard as he could. None of us feel forced by you to be there for you. That's never been the case. We love you, so we're going to show up no matter what."

By the end of it, all three girls were crying and Paige decided this would be a good time to hug each of them. Extending her arms out so they could reach over to Lily and squish Y/n in the middle, she squeezed both of them. With soft giggling and small smiles, Lily and Y/n both wrapped their arms around the other two. It was a quiet moment as they hugged, letting the gesture speak for itself, before the door to the room was opening and Lando was coming in.

Lily and Paige took that as their cue to go get some snacks from the cafeteria as Lando sat in the chair beside the bed, taking her hand in his.

Small tears began to flow down his face at her breathing form, "I'm so glad you're okay."

Y/n wiped his tears away with the hand that wasn't caged by him and whispered, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Lando's glossy eyes looked up at her, "You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. I love you and anything you go through is something I want to help you through. At the end of the day, I'm just glad I get to tell you 'I love you' again."

Her own tears began to flow at his sweet words and as he squeezed her hand, planting a kiss on her knuckles, she realized her light might just be turning on again.

—

Medicate, meditate, save yourself for Jesus, throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason.

With the medication and therapy sessions, Y/n was finally finding her way back to herself. She was beginning to find recovery fun as her, Paige, Lily, and Lando all had Saturdays where they would go out and do yoga and meditate together. At first, when all three of them presented the idea to her, she thought it was incredibly ridiculous, but after the first session, she fell in love with it. Whether it was the laughs they shared as Lando made weird noises during the quietness of their meditation or the realization that she could get lost in her mind without falling into a deep, dark void, she fell in love with those Saturdays.

Sure, recovery was also hard, but she was learning to fight and throw punches at the dark memories and thoughts that would pass her brain.

It was nice to see Lando realizing he was getting her back too. She could see it in the way his eyes shimmered when she would crack a joke or finally fulfill plans without canceling them. She didn't realize it when she was going through it, but, in the midst of her depression, Lando had been watching his favorite person get lost in themselves and he couldn't do anything. She couldn't imagine the sort of pain he must've had to push aside, so he could help her, and after multiple tearful conversations about it, Lando had hugged Y/n and told her he would never be mad at her for struggling and needing help.

It was like her whole world had been in black and white, and now, it was full of color. She could genuinely smile at the crazy paragraphs they would find in romance novels on their wine-filled nights, and laugh at the two girls planning her imaginary wedding to her boyfriend.

After it all, Paige had had a conversation with Lando that Y/n wasn't aware of, well, not yet that is. She had asked Lando if he saw Y/n in his future and when he had dug into his pocket to pull out a box that held a large, shimmery ring, she smiled giddily. They both knew a proposal was something that would have to happen a little later because Y/n needed time to fully get back to herself before her life was changing again, but they knew it was inevitable.

Lando would be asking Y/n to marry him, one way or another.

—

I'll drive, I'll drive all night. I'll call your mom. I'll call your mom.

As he was driving, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. After a year or two of recovering, Y/n was finally herself again and when Paige had texted Lando, telling him Y/n had just admitted she would say yes to Lando if he asked her to marry him over wine, he stopped what he was doing in his meeting and said he had to go. He couldn't wait any longer.

He needed to ask her to marry him.

The drive was way too long for his liking and as he flew out of his car before it even stopped, he got deja vu. The last time he was pulling up to their house this way, it had been for an entirely different, horrific reason. But, now, the only reason why he would stay up on the phone with her was because he never wanted to stop talking, because they could finally put aside the pain of it all and just be in love. He almost cried on the spot because he had an overwhelming rush of pride for his girl and how strong she had been to fight so hard and come out on the other side. Due to her not giving up, he had the privilege of asking her to marry him.

Walking through the door, the quick and loud chattering came to an abrupt stop. It was quiet for a moment before Y/n's voice called out to him, "Lando?"

He smiled, "Yes, baby?"

There was a clatter of glasses on their coffee table and feet hitting the hardwood floor before she was appearing around the corner in all his radiance.

"What are you doing home so early?" She asked as her eyebrows furrowed.

He pulled her into him, giving her a light kiss on her lips before smiling mischievously at her, "Why? You got another man in there?" He joked with her.

She laughed, "No, you know I would never do that, dumbass."

As they entered the dining room, being met with Paige's and Lily's smiling faces at the happy couple, they sat down on the couch as Lando eyed the half empty bottle of wine. Paige had an inkling about what he was going to do considering she sent the text and was met with his telling her he was on his way.

"So, why are you here so early?" Y/n asked as his arm laid over her shoulders and she snuggled further into him.

Lando sucked in a breath, suddenly nervous, "I needed to ask you a question."

Y/n's brows furrowed, "Oh? What's up?"

"Marry me?" He said immediately as he pulled out the box he had been carrying around for years.

Y/n's mouth fell open as her eyes began to glisten with tears and she met the gaze of her best friends, glad they were here to share this moment with her.

"My love, I have loved you for years and we've been through hell and back together. When we were finally able to rest, I realized that there is no one else in this world that I would rather go through hell and back with. I fall in love with you every single day and your strength amazes me continuously. You deserve so much after everything you've been through and I'm asking if you'll let me be the man to give it all to you and more." He finished and took the ring out of the box, taking her hand in his and looking at her with his calming green eyes.

She smiled the biggest she ever had in the past few years, "Of course, Lando. Always."

As he slipped the ring onto her finger, Paige and Lily shot up from their seated positions on the floor and started shrieking with excitement, hugging each other and jumping up and down. As the couple kissed softly, their yelling intensified.

And as Y/n continued smiling at Lando, she looked around the room only to find a small family that had done everything they could to keep her alive.

[blackkatmagic]

For the clone character meme, Fox of course!!! If you've already got him, Tup?

“Have you seen Thorn?” Fox asks, annoyed. A missing senator is normally nothing to call in off-duty troopers over, but Padawan Skywalker is making himself a headache, and Fox is tired of it. Thorn can at least pretend to be polite. Fox can't be bothered, especially to uppity, snarly padawans who give him a headache.

“No, sir,” Hound answers, a step behind Fox with Grizzer at the ready. There's no trail to find, though; Amidala's scent runs up to the start of the port and then disappears. “He’s not answering his comm.”

Fox growls under his breath, because Thorn knows they're not ever supposed to be out of contact. Even being off-duty is a polite fiction to make some of the bleeding hearts in the Senate feel better about running almost a billion men into the ground without pay or the most basic consideration, and Fox is going to get the biggest karking earful about some of his men not being on the case. Particularly since Skywalker managed to get Palpatine’s ear somehow. That’s giving Fox a headache, too.

“Keep trying to reach him,” he orders. Thorn’s the most familiar with Amidala, given his work as her guard on diplomatic missions, and Thire and Stone are both off-planet, so the Guard needs all its commanders working. His comm chimes insistently, and he gives it a dark look, sends back an affirmative, and pulls his helmet back on. “Take the lower platforms, see if you can pick anything up. I'm going to brief the Chancellor.”

“Sir,” Hound answers sharply, and Fox veers off, stalking down the busy corridor. He’s annoyed enough that even watching senators scatter out of the path of his murder-walk isn't satisfying, though, and he mutters a curse under his breath, keying the lift open and stepping in, then turning to level a killing glare at the aide who’s just trying to sidle in.

Immediately, the aide finds something better to be doing, veering off like that was her plan all along, and Fox rolls his eyes. Cowards, all of them. It would be funny if Fox didn’t want to drop-kick every person in this building down a mineshaft.

Something cream and white and gold catches his eyes just before the doors slide shut, and Fox shoves a hand out automatically, something in his chest turning over.

Well. Maybe not every person. That’s a little extreme.

“Commander,” the captain of the Temple Guard says, perfectly polite, tone as warm as ever as he ducks into the lift, careful not to crowd Fox despite his size. “Going to see the Chancellor?”

If Feemor is being sent to see Palpatine as well, it probably means Knight Kenobi bent some ears too, Fox thinks, maybe a little grumpy about it. Not about seeing Feemor, but—a padawan shouldn’t be able to stir up this much of a fuss. If Skywalker was a cadet, he’d get shunted off to sanitation for making so much noise.

“Yeah. About Amidala, right?” he says gruffly, and waves the door shut before anyone else can intrude. His chances to actually get any time alone with Feemor are all like this, stolen moments between crises, and Fox is entirely willing to tweak the rules a little to make the most of them.

If he’d known Feemor was here, he’d have picked a slower lift, too.

Feemor nods, tipping his head to watch the floor numbers rise, and Fox takes the chance to study the way golden hair curls around his throat, slides out from under the white hood like a temptation. “Senator Amidala has always been a friend to the Jedi,” he says, and Fox can hear the smile in his voice. “Whatever I can do to help, I will.”

It’s hardly nothing, having a Jedi Master here to help, and Fox grunts in satisfaction, only partly at the idea of Feemor sticking around for a few hours or a few days. It’s probably wrong to hope that they don’t find Amidala too quickly, but—well. Fox doesn’t give a monkey-rat’s bald ass about a senator, even a relatively decent one. He’s stuck on Coruscant, and they're the sole reason.

“Good,” is all he says, trying to hide his pleasure, since it’s probably not appropriate right now. “If you're willing to come with me to the undercity, I want to check the levels below the Senate Building—”

A jarring, shuddering wrench jolts the whole lift, so sudden and sharp that Fox is thrown right off his feet. He slams bodily into Feemor, feels Feemor hit the wall even as one arm snaps up to hold Fox steady, and feels the sudden, wrenching drop right in his bones. The lift plummets, and Fox snarls, grabs for the waist-height bar but misses as they hit something that spins the lift to one side. The impact hits an instant later, hard enough that Fox’s vision goes black for an instant, and he hears Feemor cry out as metal gives way—

They spill out onto cold metal decking, reeking of rust, and Fox rolls right to his feet, blasters in hand, up and aimed and ready. Feemor is behind him, on the ground and not getting up, and the air is dark and humid and reeks of wet metal in a way the Senate Building never does. Far below it, that probably means, and Fox triggers his helmet lights, then stills in surprise, eyes narrowing.

A clone is sitting in front of an old pile of scrap metal, slumped back against a beam, and it takes Fox a long, long second to recognize Colt, stripped of Rancor’s intricately painted armor, with a pile of something bright and sleek and metallic beside him.

Weapons, Fox realizes belatedly. Colt has a pile of weapons Fox has never seen before next to him, and he’s smeared with ash, arms scattered with slick, shiny burns, his face slack with exhaustion. His eyes are closed, and for an instant Fox almost thinks he’s dead.

Then, with a sound of concern, Feemor is past Fox, limping slightly but quick on his feet. He crouches down next to Colt, raising a hand—

Colt catches it, almost too fast to see, and opens his eyes.

In the darkness, reflecting in Fox’s helmet lights, they shine like forge-fire, an unsettling, unearthly glow.

“Commander?” Feemor asks, quiet, gentle even as Fox’s unease rises, full of teeth. “Are you all right?”

Colt looks right at him, then shifts his gaze, eyes tracking straight to Fox. Then, with a groan and a heave, he shoves to his feet, dragging something up out of the pile with him as he takes a few unsteady steps forward.

“This one’s yours,” he says, and shoves it right into Fox’s hand, so that Fox has to fumble, drop his blaster and catch warm metal before it can clatter down to the floor.

“Colt, what the hell?” he asks, deeply suspicious, because if Rancor Battalion’s top commander is having a mental break—

And then, like a flash of mercury, liquid and hot, something slides off the handle of the axe, drips down his fingers and over his wrist beneath his armor, and Fox wrenches back with a sound of alarm, scrambling to get his gauntlet off, to get whatever is on him away from his skin—

Like molten metal, something iridescent and shimmering settles into his skin, and Fox scrapes with his nails but can't get it off, swears at Colt as he backs away. “I'm going to karking murder you,” he snaps. “Colt, wake the hell up!”

“It’s tradition,” Colt says, like that’s an argument, and it sounds raw, like he’s been breathing in smoke, or maybe like he’s been screaming. “There's—there's a lightsaber crystal I need to find. I rebuilt the hilt, but I can't find it.”

Lightsaber. Something cold fractures in Fox’s chest, and he jerks around, looking for Feemor—

A figure in the shadows. A Mandalorian in rust-red armor, a golden faceplate on his helmet, already reaching. Fox shouts, but Feemor isn't moving, and Fox lunges, swings—

The axe Colt forged cuts right through the Mandalorian like he’s a ghost, and Feemor crumples to his knees, a keening, desperate sound breaking from his throat as he claws at his mask. Something shimmers around him, something rises, and just for an instant Fox can see a man in tattered Jedi robes, more rip than cloth, with brown hair and brown eyes and a black mark seared between his brows. His body is imposed over Feemor's like a hazy afterimage, and he’s reaching for the Mandalorian, expression hard to see but desperate, and the Mandalorian reaches back, seizes him even as he tears his helmet away to reveal grey skin and yellow eyes, simian features. Cups his face—Feemor's face—and kisses him—

Fox tackles Feemor out of the way, right over the edge of the platform without hesitation. One arm tight around Feemor’s chest, the other still clutching Colt's axe, he tumbles down, down, down into darkness, fury biting hot in his veins.

In the whirling darkness of their fall, Fox catches a glimpse of another figure in armor, watching as they near. Red-gold armor this time, bright as copper, wearing a woven cloak with long tassels and a conical helmet, a familiar battleaxe in hand. It’s the twin of the one Fox is holding, and he jerks as they tumble straight towards the Mandalorian—

Fall through him, and Fox feels the sudden crackle of power, as bright and vicious as lightning, eating its way down to his bones. Maybe he screams, or maybe he passes out, or maybe he burns, all the way down with Feemor caught up in his arms and a god in his head, settling in like coming home.

[celestialholz]

Be still made, my beloved crossbow (or 'let's talk about Durge's other other weapon... and maybe a bit about Stillmaker too')

You've read this post, friends. You know it's true, I know it's true. (And it's bloody beautiful by the way, lovely job @darkurgediaries.)

But wait, there's more.

Let's have a quick chat about the Hellfire Engine Crossbow, because if Stillmaker is Durge's blade from Gortash, this is Durge's side-bitch from him... or it was meant to be, anyway. Man never quite got around to piecing it all together.

Okay, let's start with er... I mean look at it. It's white, has a phoenix head on it - a creature that symbolises resurrection, rebirth and immortality, how very Durge, and is also associated with sun gods when Gortash is this easy to turn into a Lathanderan and that guy brings light to each new day - and it's also embossed with Gortash and the Steel Watch's black and gold motif.

And then you take a mechanical look at it and... hang on.

What are you doing here, Lightning Arrow? The Steel Watch don't have Lightning Arrow, but you know who does have Lightning Arrow? Rangers - archery experts, usually - at level nine and up. And who can we consider that's on level nine and is really good at archery?

And who can we consider who might run out of lightning-basic magic in the heat of battle; who is white, and has a theme of rebirth either by rejecting Daddy Bhaal outright or embracing them anew, and knows a sun-coded Radiant guy, and may once have had business in the Foundry?

Well hello The Dark Urge Vanilla Edition, our old spicy friend. There's also the lovely addition of Reposition Malefactor - Lightning Arrow, grab, Stillmaker stab. Classic Baldurian efficiency.

You know what kills me about Gortash's Radiant coding and Durge's Lightning? The first thing you see of lightning is its flash, its brilliance, and the second thing you see is its destruction. The light isn't the part that hurts you, but it's inextricably linked to the thing itself, just as you can't have the destruction without the light. Symbiosis. Gortash could have been thunder-coded, but... no. Thunder isn't destructive, not usually. It doesn't happen at the same time in the storm.

It's not symbiotic... it's not equal.

... Yeah no, I'm fine, not emotional at all. No sir, could not be me. Despite being level nine too, Gortash doesn't have Lightning Arrow. Why would you need lightning, when your beloved has it in their veins, when you've made them a crossbow specifically for it? You just bring the 'light' part, don't you?

Symbiosis. Peace and love on planet Faerûn. Anyway...

If we must consider the application of Lightning Arrow as a helpful aid to the depleted Storm Sorceror, we should probably consider Stillmaker's equivalent.

Hold Person. Hold. Person. Which, yes - very useful bit of utility for our lovely Durge to have, 100% - but then you consider the fifteen separate dimensions of romantic overtones in Durgetash and you just can't help but feel: Hold Person. It's a bloody hug. It's support. He's made it easier for you to slaughter people, which at least used to be your favourite thing to do.

So Gortash has A. made your murdering life much more fun because you can savour the kill and B. made sure you can still kill from a distance if anyone else happens to be around and you're tired.

What a complete fucking simp. 🥺❤

On the subject of Stillmaker in fact, much as the Fabricated Arbalest to the Hellfire Engine, it's rather different to Durge's main dagger, Bloodthirst.

This is pure function. Made to please Papa in the most gruesome way possible, whichever hand you feel like using to wield it.

Whereas Stillmaker... it's got an attached hug. It's got a wavy blade, perfect for the task of slicing and dicing - one that's very difficult to forge, that must have taken time and care.

... Well. Must have taken a mortal time and care. Because lest we forget, it's not the only wavy blade Durge owns.

... Seriously, Larian. How are you going to make both of them wavy. I'm on your ceiling fans.

It's two separate dimensions to Durge's life, in two blades with the same nastiness to them - absolute utility, versus actual care.

This is literally more intricate than the thing presumably given by a god. That's going to tear like a bitch, truly. And it's even got Bhaal's delightful countenance up front and centre. What was that devnote, about convincing the child of a god that they're not a monster? Mm...

Oh, I don't know. It's almost like, for a while anyway, Durge's connection to Gortash was more important than the one to their father. Maybe they wrote something about that very thing, in fact. Imagine. 🥲

I'd like to take this opportunity to also note the very violent and Thunder-mentioning text attached to the Hellfire Engine...

... And the fact it's found in three parts, because y'know, Dead Three.

There's only one minor flaw in this whole thing, really. One teensy little tiny problematic detail.

Sorcerors, unlike Gortash, can't use Heavy Crossbows.

... But, then, they can't use shortswords either.

I'll let you be the judge, shall I?

[illuminatedquill]

Sabine Wren & Ahsoka Tano (Quick Analysis)

Fear is The Path

Alright, let's get into it.

For this post we're going to take a look into the Master/Apprentice relationship between Ahsoka Tano and Sabine Wren. Specifically, I'm going to be looking into why Ahsoka felt it necessary to walk away from Sabine's training as a Jedi.

In Ahsoka, we're pointed to a major historical event known as the Great Purge of Mandalore being the catalyst; the Empire carpet bombing the planet surface, killing millions of Mandalorians, scattering the remaining survivors to the stars and, for Sabine, causing the loss of her entire family: Alrich Wren (father), Countess Ursa Wren (mother), and Tristan Wren (brother).

Ahsoka, for reasons only known to herself, abandoned Sabine's Jedi training shortly after this event. We're given some insight via Huyang in Ahsoka 1x08, however:

Huyang: Ahsoka became afraid that Sabine was training to be a Jedi for the wrong reasons after what happened on Mandalore. Ezra: Which was? Huyang: At the end of the war, the Empire purged the entire surface of the planet, killing hundreds of thousands. Ezra: Her family? Huyang: Were all lost, sadly. At the time, Ahsoka felt that if Sabine unlocked her potential, she would become dangerous.

However, it's clear that Huyang doesn't have the full picture of the fallout between Ahsoka and Sabine. Sabine herself only has her own warped view of why Ahsoka left, as evidenced by Baylan's manipulation in Ahsoka 1x04:

Baylan: I know you feel that Ezra Bridger is the only family you have left. Your family died on Mandalore . . . because your Master didn't trust you.

Piecing together the, admittedly, few clues we have paints the picture that Ahsoka prevented Sabine from helping her family during the Purge - which led to their deaths.

It's understandable that Sabine would have been outraged; both at the loss of her family, her people, her way of life and also at her Master who, for whatever reason, did not want Sabine present on Mandalore to save her family.

Until Dave Filoni reveals the exact details of what happened during that event, we're left with speculation. My personal take is simply this: Ahsoka did not want Sabine to die alongside her family. It's what makes the most amount of sense to me.

Ahsoka cares about Sabine, like any Master would do for their student.

So - Sabine loses everything and begins to take steps towards a turn to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering, as Master Yoda says. Ahsoka, sensing this dark rage bloom in her student, decides to stop the training out of fear that Sabine becomes another Vader.

Except. That doesn't make any sense to me.

Because Ahsoka Tano is who she is.

Ahsoka survived her own Purge. The fall of the Jedi Order, her home, and the institution that she pledged most of her life to, the only family she had ever known.

Ahsoka knows this pain. She is, arguably, the best suited to steer Sabine away from a potential turn to the Dark Side after her student loses everything in the same way that she did.

Actress Rosario Dawson - and backed up by the hat man himself - has stated that Ahsoka has had plenty of opportunities to turn to the Dark Side. She's fought through two Galactic Civil Wars, seen everyone she loved die, and has been betrayed by the people she fought so hard to protect.

And, yet, Ahsoka Tano never turned. She stayed on her path, long and winding as it may be, and continued to serve the Light in the best way she knew how.

At some point, she takes on Sabine as a Padawan, seeing echoes of Anakin in her. Yes, there's the anger and the recklessness there that makes Ahsoka uneasy, but that's always been a part of Sabine's character. It's nothing new. She decided to take Sabine Wren as her apprentice, anyway, and it worked fine until the Purge.

So, what happened? What changed? What was the growing darkness in her Padawan that convinced Ahsoka Tano that the best course of action was to abandon the Jedi training - abandon Sabine entirely - at a time when she needed counseling the most?

Attachment. Sabine's attachment to Ezra.

Dave Filoni and the actress for Sabine Wren, the fantastic Natasha Liu Bordizzo, have both pointed out that there are echoes of Anakin in Sabine. In separate interviews, both spoke about the anger and recklessness in Sabine - but, more interesting, they did not acknowledge the major factor in Anakin's downfall.

Anakin's attachment to his loved ones. His inability to let go.

It's bizarre that they didn't talk about this and I suspect that it's on purpose. Because that is arguably the biggest reason why Anakin fell to the Dark Side. The anger and the recklessness were all symptoms of this larger issue for Anakin Skywalker.

And Ahsoka Tano sensed the same in Sabine Wren.

Let's look at evidence from another Filoni series, The Mandalorian. From episode 2x05, The Jedi, when Ahsoka is re-introduced into the Star Wars universe.

There's a pivotal moment when she meets Grogu and Force communes with him to get a sense of his history.

She senses "great fear and anger" in him at the beginning; it makes her wary, of course, but it doesn't seem to perturb her.

However, when Din asks if she can teach him, Ahsoka flatly rejects the idea for this reason:

What she says is vitally important:

Ahsoka: His attachment to you makes him vulnerable to his fears. His anger. Din: All the more reason to train him. Ahsoka: No. I've seen what such feelings can do to a fully trained Jedi Knight. To the best of us.

That's where Ahsoka draws the line in the sand; it's not the anger that scares her - it's Grogu's attachment to Din.

And, mind you, the timeline of this episode occurs after Ahsoka and Sabine had their split. So, even though she's clearly referencing Anakin here, I don't doubt that Sabine is also on her mind.

Think about it. Sabine has just lost everything - except for Ezra. The anger is something Ahsoka can deal with, but Sabine's attachment to Ezra is not; she knows it's the primary reason for Anakin's downfall and she was powerless to stop it.

That's what drives Ahsoka away. That is what scares her. She couldn't be there for Anakin, was blind to what was happening; and now, it's happening with Sabine.

The only path Ahsoka can see forward is to leave Sabine; prevent her Padawan from reaching full potential. It's an awful course to take and it leaves Sabine stranded, feeling alone, at a time when she needed mentorship and guidance the most.

But it's all Ahsoka can think of. She cares about Sabine and is too blinded by her own fears to believe in her own ability to stop Sabine from falling into the same darkness that took Anakin.

Sabine only has Ezra now with Ahsoka gone. He's the only one she can save now, the only one she can do anything for. The loss of her family has caused her attachment, her feelings for Ezra, to sharpen into something deadly: possessiveness. The exact feeling that Jedi warned against.

Why didn't Ahsoka stop this from happening earlier?

Because this is Sabine and Ezra; we know Sabine and Ezra were close, as did Ahsoka. It's probable that Sabine's feelings were gradually heading in this direction and the Purge just gave it a decisive push to the inevitable conclusion.

Ahsoka, also, presumably knew how Sabine felt the entire time and didn't want to have an honest talk with her Padawan about it.

Because it's Sabine and Ahsoka herself was still operating under the influence of Anakin's legacy as Vader; she was scared to bring it out into the open, because she didn't know what to do if her fears were confirmed about Sabine's feelings.

I mean, it's obvious that this isn't the first time they've probably talked about this, as evidenced by this scene in Ahsoka 1x04:

Ahsoka knows. She comes the closest in this scene, out of everyone else in Sabine's life, to directly confront Sabine about her true feelings for her old friend.

She knows that there's more going on underneath the surface of Sabine regarding her feelings towards Ezra. It's not a conversation she wants to have in this moment (just look at the body language), but there's no other choice - not with the stakes this high.

There is no way that this is the first time Ahsoka has broached the subject about Ezra with her Padawan and, knowing Sabine, she probably walked away from every attempt a little more worried.

But Ahsoka refused to really have that open conversation with Sabine, settling only for these half-hearted comments and, in doing so, set up her student for failure. Sabine was unprepared; had no way of being vigilant towards her worst enemy - herself.

Ahsoka's actions, caused by fear of herself and Anakin's legacy, left Sabine vulnerable to her feelings.

They had been growing all this time and now, with no one to temper them, were allowed to become something more - something dangerous.

The Purge happened. Sabine's family died. Her people died. Mandalore was lost.

After that, Sabine had nothing left to lose. Her attachment to Ezra, her love for him - it made her vulnerable to her fear. Just as Ahsoka feared it would.

Sabine couldn't lose Ezra. Her love for him - her fear of losing him, like her family - dictated that no sacrifice was too great; no cost, too high.

And Baylan used it as the perfect weapon against her. "Do it. For Ezra."

We know the rest.

Sabine gambled. The galaxy lost.

Fear won.

[elliesstrapon]

False Accusations

✧˚ · . Oblivious Ellie Williams x Devoted reader

"I was all over her.." ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

✧˚ · . Summary: In which your feelings couldn't be reciprocated.

✧˚ · . Warnings: Swearing, Friends to lovers, slow burn, light make outs, Ellie isn't in love with you, childhood friends, dorm mates, cheating

✧˚ · . Part 1

Your heart belonged with Ellie Williams.

You knew that for the longest of time now. You strived to be in her presence, to hold her when you saw her after a long period of time. You wanted but nothing other than to kiss her, and tell her your otherworldly thoughts you had about her late at night.

And yet, you didn't. You never did because Ellie always had someone. You'd never once a day in your life ever gotten much as close as a peck on her lips. Other than being her best friend, you were nothing more than another one of those girls who were head over heels for her, and reasonably so. Her lips were a peachy wonder, her fuchsite colored eyes better than any of the planets the world knew of, her freckles painted like stars, and her auburn hair soft, not to mention, you'd felt her arms more than a million times, they only got more muscular over the years, and her stomach was so toned, you were lucky you were the only other person in the world besides Ellie's constant line of "the one's" to see it.

It was nothing new to you when she'd come to you again, ranting about how shitty another one of those girls had been to her after she'd given them everything they asked for, her head layed gently on your lap, your fingers tangled in her messy bright hair. "I mean, 'fuck was she thinking." she fidgetted with her hands, groaning at her once again failed relationship. " 'm so done with these whores." She complained. "Then why are you still bothering?" You subconsciously rolled your eyes, your mind fogging with the jealousy. "Just fucking drop them" you bit your lip, fisting at the sheets of your bed in the palm of your hand, angrily.

" 'm over it" she sighed, watching you grab your flip phone. "who's' it?" She raised a brow, "just Jesse, wants to know what I'm doing." You replied, your fingers still twirling her hair softly. "Tell'im your busy" she grabbed the miniscule device, typing out the sorry reply and throwing your phone to the dark corner of your guys's room, it landing just barley on the sofa chair. "What the hell, Ellie?" You furrowed your brows at her, " 'm talkin' to you, he can' wait" her voice was low, begging for your attention. You didn't understand sometimes why she always came to you with her bullshit, she had everyone in your friendgroup to go to, and you were always the one who had to comply. "He gives me shit tomorrow, I'm putting the blame on you." You stopped playing with her hair. "See how it plays out for'im" she grinned, "yeah, whatever" you chuckled. Your gaze not leaving hers, the sounds of only your breathing filling the dimly lit room, the light reflecting off the millions of photos hung up on the wall. It was the moments like these ones that compelled you. Her lips and demeanor utmost hypnotizing, her eyes acting like a wormhole, swallowing your dignity, the irresistible urge to confess to her right then and there eating you alive, all while she unknowingly complained about all those nobodys you were oh so envious of. You imagined what it was like, her ruining you in bed, whispering the sweetest things into your ear, and then after taking care of you like a pitiful worthless princess, you dreamed about it so often, you knew the plot of every one of them that repeated night after night, yearning for it to all come true. "Movie?" She asked, her plush fingers tapping your hand that rested on her shoulder motionless. Her light eyes looking up at you, " 'k." You replied vaguely. Moving from beneath her head, you walked to the square shaped television, "which one?" You picked up the dvds uptop the disc player, squatting down, showing her the options. " 'Dunno..." she scanned the movies, "Laura" she hummed, watching you slip the dvd in, the disc player eating it. You grabbed the half empty bag of potato chips that had been on the night table for three nights already, plopping down next to Ellie, her head resting on your shoulder, her breaths calmly blown onto your bare skin, making the hairs on the scruff of your neck stand up, and the butterflies in your lower abdomen picking up like a migration. You left the chips between the two of you, her hand reaching frequently to grab a handful.

You were never this tense to her touch, you used to melt into it, absent mindidly excepting it. Now you were only overstimulated. The goosebumps spreading through out your body as her hands swiftly brushed past your hips, when she wanted you to move to the side at the gym. Or even when her breath tickled your lobe when she whispered nonsense into your ear during lectures.

You were naive.

Your mind only filling shamefully with the thought of her being yours and yours only, and in a way, she was... Platonically. The way you were the one she always came back to, or how you so innocently held hands in large crowds, or when you went out to clubs late at night, and then she'd ghost you, a limit of contact when she'd met another desperate woman, most of the time not on purpose, and others the women she dated pleading for her to cut contact with you out of jealousy.

"You feelin' alright'?" She raised her head, stretching her arms, a faint groan leaving her lips as her wife beater lifted so slightly, exposing her happy trail. "No, I'm fine," you shook your head. Your eyes fixated on her lower stomach "Why?"

"Well for starters, you' 'been starin' at everything' not the movie" she scoffed. "Was I?" You raised a brow, smirking playfully, "Yeah, you were'!" She chuckled. "Whatever, I'm fine, just tired." You stood up, "I'm gonna get ready for bed." You told her. "Y'sure?" She asked, concern masking her voice. "Yeah" you picked at the dead skin on your thumb. "Goodnight" she frowned slightly, still helplessly feeling worried, "g'night."

It must've been late when you finally managed to have fallen asleep that night. Ellie still managing to hover over your dreams, her painfully soft lips clouding your brain. Only waking up to your bed an uncomfortable mess, yet Ellie wasn't anywhere to be found around the dorm room. You messily grabbed your phone, flipping it open to see a few unread messages, 2 from Jesse, and another from the missing female that lived in your dorm.

"Told her he'd give me shit" you sighed, as for Ellie, she'd sent only a mere photo, she'd gone out for breakfast, to no surprise without you.

You got up from the lumpy mattress, lazily fixing the bed to look presentable, before moving to get ready, the thought of Ellie floating around in your head like a balloon, fixated on the again, repeated dream, the unreal words she'd said repurposing at the front of your thoughts. You brushed your teeth, rapidly doing your hair the way you always did, a hum of satisfaction slipping past your lips when you'd finished. You threw on a pair of low rise jeans, adjusting them around your hips in the mirror, a laced tank following, sticking to your figure like velcro. You finished up finally, zipping up your grey sweater only half way and slinked on your heavy tote bag over your shoulder.

You walked down from your floor, checking your phone again, texts from Dina popping up on the blurry screen.

Is Ellie with you?

Are you up?

Y/n?!

I'm only just leaving our dorm now, and no. Why?

You texted her back, drawing blood from your lip as you continuesly bit at it stressfully.

I thought she'd be with you since I hadn't seen her in English, earlier.

No she went out for breakfast without either of us, lol.

Why am I not surprised? Where are you?

You could already invision Dina rolling her eyes from behind the screen, making you grin widely, you wiped the blood off your lip, staining the cotton grey of your sweater, the dots of blood trailing around the wrist of your sleeve.

I'll meet you in the courtyard?

You texted, pausing at the door of the staircase to the first floor, patiently watching the dots dance around in a pattern.

See you there!!

You closed your phone, tucking it in the detailed back pocket of your jeans.

You thought it weird how Ellie would just leave for breakfast without you, or rather the idea itself wasn't so mindblowing, but rather she didn't wake you up, instead sending a measly single photo of some overrated restaurant down the street from your dorms, even her leaving so early, before you waking up, making you feel uneasy. Of course, you didn't control, and couldn't dictate her life, so you let it be, packaging it up and tossing it in the back of your mind, knowing it'd probably come back to haunt you.

"Y/n!" You heard Dina's heart warming voice in the distance, running towards you in a hurry. "Hey Dina!" You grimaced, indulging her in an embrace. Her hair brushing against the skin of your neck like a feather. "You okay?" She asked. "Jesse complained to me last night about how you blew him off—"

"It was Ellie" your eyes rolled back into your head annoyed. "Figured" she laughed, "what was her deal?" She raised her thick and full eyebrow. "Just another dumb break up." You huffed. "Mm..." She fixed her ponytail. "You ever gonna tell her how you feel?" She questioned, " 'prolly not' " you smiled at her weakly. "She wouldn't get it" you scratched the nails of your fingers, the nail polish chipping off them like dust. "Oh, please! You don't know thatt" her hands rested on her hips. "I know enough" you frowned. "I'm a bit hungry, d'you wanna grab a bite to eat before our next lecture?" You asked, "No, yeah, sure." She grinned, rubbing your shoulder calmly. Her jokes lightening the gloomy atmospheric pressure, and Ellie slowly slipping from your mind.

Dina was the only one who really knew about your feelings for Ellie. You'd gotten high with her one night at her apartment, the tension bouncing off the walls like a ball, and the idea of foolishly confessing things you'd never told anyone before being brought to light, you mindlessly told her about your romantic feelings for Ellie, and then kissed her due to the intoxication, blissfully tasting her like a full course meal. Then endlessly cried in her arms for god knows how long, tears staining your cheeks as your complaints about all the pitiful women who Ellie'd dated foamed out your mouth.

"You think Jesse will agree to going to that party?" She asked, biting into her hot chocolate chip muffin." Maybe if you lied to him and told him it was a study group" you giggled, still removing the textured paper from yours. "Yeah, you're probably right" exiting the cafe, "why the hell do you think Ellie just left like that?" Dina suddenly brought up. "Not sure, it's so... Out of character for her, I don't know.." You trailed off, still yourself trying to figure it out, that box of wonders at the back of your mind resurfacing and unraveling the unanswered question. "Right? Even the photo you said she sent... Weird." She took another bite.

You entered campus again, slipping past millions of other girls and boys your age. Gossiping, and giving eachother snarky looks, and then others quietly getting around to make their future worth it.

"Hey, look! It's Jesse! He has Ellie with him" Dina gasped, covering her mouth from the crumbs of the muffin flying out. "Jesse!" You called, waving your arm high, "Dina, Y/n..." He rolled his eyes. "Jesse, has Ellie told you it was Infact she, that sent the message." He dramatically cupped his lips. "Did she, now?!" He furrowed his brows jokingly. "It was me'n'Y/n time, wasn't 'bouta have you' ruin it." She smirked. "We're all friends here, I feel like she should've gotten the luxury of texting me back" Jesse scolded. "Jerk" Ellie scoffed, a smile plastering across her lips playfully. "Y/n, 'm headed to the gym t'night, 'you wanna come?" She asked. You looked to Dina nervously, accepting her offer.

"Nice" she smiled.

It's the fluff before tears!!! Pt. 2 sometime in the next three days!!!

[sleepy-sirin]

Incarnation (Honkai Star Rail x Child! Herrscher! Reader)

Summary: In which Y/n, the creation of Will of Honkai, successfully defeated her own creator with the help of her friends. After defeating the Will of Honkai, for using too much of her power she goes into a deep sleep.

Next chapter

A/n: Reader will be based on Jyahnar from GGZ

Prologue

Third POV:

They finally did it.

They finally defeated the Will of Honkai.

She finally defeated her own creator.

Back then, Y/n didn't care about humanity when she was born. Her creator simply told her to destroy humanity. Y/n woke up and considered the planet to be a fit world for her to rule, especially the vast blue ocean of the world.

Overseeing humans, Y/n concluded they are not worthy of being her slaves and used her Houkai energy to destroy the sanity of all humans alive at the time and especially whole empires to destroy themselves, ending the culture of mankind and destroying every creation made by man. After 5,000 years making the world in her image, she fell asleep in the pacific ocean

But it all changes when a certain white-haired female convinces her about humanity. She'll never forget the kindness that she receives from her no matter how Y/n almost destroys the Earth.

Y/n asked Kiana to destroy her. After the destruction, Y/n used the last remaining strength to shape a human body, expressing her longing for thousands of years.

When Houkai created her, in addition to genetically engraving the mission of exterminating mankind like other Houkai creatures, it also included other information. That is to let her come to this planet to find the trace of Kiana and to destroy humanity together with Kiana as the Messenger of the Houkai.

At the end of her life, Y/n hopes to become a human in the next life. Kiana didn't want Y/n to die like this and used the power of the saint to completely integrate the core into Y/n's human body. Y/n survived but fell into a deep sleep. Y/n promise Kiana that she will help defeat her own creator, the Will of Honkai, if they are ready to defeat it.

Right now, they all celebrate defeating the Will of Honkai and grief of the death of Seele and Sin Mal for their sacrifice.

Y/n couldn't help but feel sleepy all of a sudden, maybe because she uses too much of her powers. Bronya and Ninti notice you are sleepy and they try to wake you up.

You couldn't help but let the darkness consume you and block everyone who is calling for your name.

Y/n's POV:

Where am I?

Why is it so dark in here?

I look around to see nothing but darkness. Is this how death looks like? Is this how I die when my creator is gone, I disappear too... Maybe I shouldn't rebel the Will of Honkai with the humans if I disappear too.

But I didn't regret it. I only did it for the person that I admire, Kiana Kaslana. She's the reason why I want to save humanity, even though back then I try to persuade Kiana to destroy with humanity with me. Maybe I will get reincarnated as human, and find Kiana like I always do whenever she gets reincarnated.

I see a light above me, is it time for me to wake up now? Am I finally going to be a human? I reach out my hand to the light...

I open my eyes to see a ceiling above me, I sit up on the bed I was in and look through the window to see that I'm in space. I have no recollection sleeping through space since I always sleep in the ocean.

I saw two humans talking not far away from me, a woman who looks awfully familiar to me has bright red hair, and gold-colored eyes. She wears a white toga gown with red along the inside. A tall brown-eyed man with matching brown hair that has a small white streak. He wears a gray and white dress coat with a scarf and black armor on his chest. He also wears glasses, dark brown pants, black shoes, and a black glove on his right hand. The two humans saw that I am awake and walk to my direction.

"It looks like you're finally awake, child." The red-haired woman said.

"We have few questions for you to answer." The brown-haired male said and ask me few questions.

"What's your name?"

"Y/n."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know my age."

"Where are you from?"

"Nowhere."

"Who's your parents?"

"I don't have parents."

The old man was done asking me questions but I knew there's something he wants to ask me in private, so he told the red-haired lady that he wants to talk to me in private. The red-haired woman listen and gave us some privacy.

It was now only the two of us, the brown-haired male ask me with a serious tone in his voice:

"You're a Herrscher, aren't you?"

I smirk at the question he asks, what a smart human he is to figure out who I am.

"Yes, I am a Herrscher. What a smart human you are."

The old man backed away from me and summoned his weapon, ready to engage battle with me.

"You Herrscher shouldn't exist anymore since the Will of Honkai is gone!"

"The Will of Honkai may be gone but you have forgotten that I am the creation of the Will of Honkai! I'm the most powerful Herrscher in the universe!"

As the two of us are ready to fight, 3 new humans have entered the room and noticed that the old man is literally fighting a "human" child.

"Mr.Yang, what are you doing?!" The pink-haired girl asked in a panic voice.

The red-haired woman came back to the room who looked shocked at the scene she witnessed.

"Everyone stay back! This child is not a human but a dangerous Herrscher!" The old man said.

"Don't you get it? I'm God! I'm beyond your understanding! You can never defeat me!"

[inthestarsme]

Astro Observations pt.5

‼️Don't repost my Observations without consent and mentioning my page‼️

I very much respect non-binary or trans people. If i'm talking about man or woman, i'm talking about cis-men or woman i know, because often, due to societal coding/standards, there can be differences depending on the gender. But it could very much apply to you if you are non-binary or trans. Just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, as spiritual people like to say.🫶🏻

If you don't agree with my observations, please don't send any hate. They're only my personal observations that i'm posting just for fun. Especialy the specific ones can only apply to certain people. So don't take anything you read too seriously. It's not a science, just pop-astrology!😎

‼️TW: Mentioning of mental health struggles, abuse and other darker stuff. If you think reading this might trigger you, please stop reading!‼️

So let's go!

Lots of planets in the 7th house, especialy conjunct: A big part of this life might be about your marriage partner or life partner or just the relationship to your closed love ones. This can be amazing, but i need to tell you to be careful who you choose as a partner and who you let close to you in your life. As this is the house of open enemies too, this could also go south, especialy if there are also planets like mars, pluto or saturn involved. this could go from just staying in a unfulfilling relationship way too long (because your life seems to revolve around this relationship and you don't see a live without it) to being in an abusive relationship. ❤️‍🩹

Saggitarius AC: This gives the person bad guy vibes, but in a different way than Sag MC. In the MC it's more how the public perceives you, maybe through the career choices you made, but not necessarily how you actualy are as a person. In the Ascendant it is how you might actualy be like in more private settings or how you show yourself to your closer peers. Not a bad person, i feel like to be that saggitarius has way too strong morals, but just this bad b*tch energy that surrounds them and like a dark "emo" vibe. Or your actual personality could be described as "bad bitch"-like. could also really like dressing in black/ darker colours and/or with spikey/scary accessouirs.😈

Sun in Leo in the 8th house: I already talked about in another post how i've met a few people with leo sun who told me they love sex. One of those people has Leo sun in the 8th house, and he is into bdsm. so basicaly, i think the 8th (scorpio) house influence gives this love for sex a more extreme touch, and because scorpio is also posessive, stuff like bondage fits into it as well.⛓️

Chiron conjunct AC: You might've struggled with bullying or got outcasted by people who were dear to you because of the way you looked, dressed or how you behaved. But it doesn't have to be because of other people, it could just be that for some reason, you never liked your personality and always saw something wrong about who you are. Because of this, the thing you're most insecure about or hurt you the most is yourself or how you view yourself. I feel like this is a difficult placement for Chiron because it's hard to heal Chiron wounds. They are where we know how to heal others but we don't know how to heal ourselfes. And especialy because we might not think we're even worthy of healing, this placement might especialy struggle with dealing with their insecurities.🫂

Planets in the 22nd degree: As many may know, this is the so called "kill or be killed"- degree. How i personaly interpret it is, that in whatever planet or other placement you have this degree, it will be hard for you to develope the good trait of the planet. Let's take sun 22nd degrees in the 7th house as an example. You may naturaly love to be in love and love relationships, it's where your heart lies, but because of this degree, you have experienced so many relationship wounds, that you get a huge ego (the sun can also be ego if underdeveloped) to either hide your wound, or in the hopes of never getting hurt again (or both). This could then either make you completely turn away from relationships or a very narcissistic partner. And especialy when you have other more challenging planets conjunct the sun, it can make it even harder. You feel like, you either kill your heart, or you will be killed by it, because it may for example hurt too much. 🔪

Jupiter conjunct mars in the 10th house or conjunct the MC (also just Mars, but Jupiter "enlargens" the placement): Your career might be all about fighting. If it's just in the 10th house it's just your career and what you may be professionaly most respected for, conjunct MC may be what the general public knows you for. This can mean literal fighting like marshal arts or fighting in a war.🤼‍♀️

Ruler of the Ascendant in the 12th house: I personaly have this placement, and it's really hard for me to truly understand who i am and what defines me. As i get older i learn more and more about myself, but at the same time i have to unlearn a lot of stuff people told me about myself which i then belived to be true (because i didn't know who i am). For example, when i went to school i was always directly or indirectly told that i was more or less stupid. Everyone thought that, because i couldn't express myself properly in front of the class because of social anxiety. Because of this social anxiety, i was also always seen as shy, which is why i always thought of myself as shy and introverted by nature. But now as i got into university and learned how to approach people and my social anxiety has gotten a lot better, i now know i am actually way more extroverted than introverted as long as i'm surrounded by the right people and actualy not shy at all. And i learned that i wasn't actualy stupid, my struggle was just expressing myself properly and not having enough access to proper knowledge or the mental capacity to learn new things (i had quite a hard childhood, so i mentaly had to deal with a lot of stuff). So i feel like with this placement, it's important for you to always challenge what you believe to be true about yourself and be open to changing your perspective on yourself. Just because you may think something about yourself because everybody has made you feel like you are whoever they thought you were, doesn't mean you are actualy that. To you especialy i wanna say: i feel you, and you can got this!💪

Moon in the 12th house: This could mean your mother being abscent because of her having to stay in psychitric care or in prison or just some sort of very restricting place or situation. She might have been a drug/alcohol addict. Or she could've been emotionaly absend or it just felt like she was absent because the connection to her was missing. But i personaly could never make a connection from my moon sign to my mother, even though this is a interpretation a lot of astrologers make (which is why i feel like mentioning it, it's still valid). For me personaly, i feel like the moon just tells you about your emotions and how you might try to soothe yourself in different situations. With this placement specificaly, it might be very difficult for you to access your emotional life because you surpress your emotions and so they hide in your subconscious. Because of that, it might be very hard for you to know how to soothe yourself, so you might turn to drugs and because of that end up in prison or they express themselves in mental health struggles which may lead to you needing psyhchiatric care (or also to prison, if you do something bad because of that). But i don't want to make it seem like it's not okay for you to get the help you need. This is not an easy placement, so if you feel like you cannot handle what is going on with you psychologicaly, please seek professional help!🌘

Mars in the 7th house: This placement can indicate your partners (or just close loved ones) being potentialy abusive or you tending to be more aggressive towards your partners. Whoever is your open enemy might especialy try to go against you in a more aggressive way, so be careful with this one!🤕

That's it for today! If you liked it, feel free to leave a like, comment or to even reblog my post. Until next time, stay the beautiful human being you are.🫶🏻

[crownmemes]

Sad Sentences, Vol. 2

(Sad sentences from various sources. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"How come you don't believe me?"

"Will you be away a very long time?"

"To one extent or another, I've always been alone."

"Why won't you tell me anything anymore?"

"I often wonder if I should have been born in another time."

"I'm not cut out for this, am I?"

"You're the only one I trust."

"Leave me alone. You can't help me now."

"I just think it's sad that you can't be honest with the man that, as far as I can tell, is the closest thing you have to a friend."

"It hurts. All this. Everything I see, everything I hear, touch, smell. The conclusions that I'm able to draw, the things that are revealed to me."

"It's always sad when a work of art has to be destroyed."

"She's family and I have to love her, of course, but how can I? She's never let me."

"You have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have meaningful connections."

"I'm sorry, I can't help you."

"I want to tell you something that is not at all pleasant."

"I haven't heard you laugh in a month!"

"I wish your word meant something more to me."

"What is it about you and I that causes us to do so much harm to the ones we are alleged to care about?"

"What is wrong with me? I'm not feeling anything I'm supposed to be feeling..."

"Ever since I was a child, I've never allowed to let myself get too close to people. "

"I fear that I am becoming obsolete."

"You are, in your own way, a lonelier man than me."

"That fact is, I'm a bit of a bore, I suppose."

"One is quite alone when the last one who remembers is gone."

"I don't know what to do with myself half the time, and the other half I'm pissed."

"Why couldn't you trust me?"

"For a long while now, I've suspected that connection with another person - real connection - simply isn't possible for me."

"I have a vision of myself without this job, disappearing down emotional dark tunnels. I need something to hold me to the world."

"I expect you think I'm awful."

"You're ashamed of me."

"I need to know I'm not a monster."

"So, what makes you think I'm lonely?"

"I wish we'd never started this."

"We both made the same mistake. Falling in love. We were both stupid."

"What a mess we've made of our lives."

"Men like us, we're not meant to make connections such as love."

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Ok so another one. Not a fanfic but I am just genuinely curious about Synthis. Because HOLY FUCK YOU CAN'T JUST DROP A BANGER CONCEPT AND EXPECT US(me) TO JUST BE SATISFIED WITH BEING RAILED, WORSHIPPED, AND RAVAGED BY A HOT 7ft TALL BEEFY BULL MAN (I am beyond satisfied but still...)

A company that sells their actual employees, regardless if they're hired for actual work or just to be sold, is kinda a really [insert word that would describe what I am feeling rn because there are too many] concept. Like... you probably just did it to give Arrin a way to be able to get his darling mate when they live in another planet and no other reason but you kinda dropped a really cool concept.

A company sells their employees (even if they have family or friends or people that care for them deeply) to random people and still manage to keep their facade as this Disney-like or Amazon-like company that just happens to have many branches (I'm trying and failing to make an analogy-thingy here). That could get very dark very quickly. Get-A-Darling®. Come get your submissive and breedable darlings here. We offer a wide variety of cute darlings. We got sleek and slender, muscular and tall, and chubby and squish-- oh the chief already got the squishy one... Anyway, we at Synthis believe in inclusivity and giving our customers full satisfaction, of course. We might even give you their (worn) underwear to see/sniff/smell if they'd be a great fit before you get them~

Ok, I'm getting off topic. What I am saying is that a company manages to keep their image as this respectable as respectable as a corporation that owns everything I guess... corporation even while they sell their employees to various individuals with various intents. Like, darling might be one of the very lucky ones. Sold to a soft Yandere who just wants someone soft, squishy, chubby, sexy, and cuddly to love, worship, breed, and adore. What if someone got sold to a Yandere Asshole or a regular slimy asshole? Or just sold to plain old slavery? Or shitty warehouse job with abusive management? Or for their organs?

What if they're doing double duty as the Syndicate from the Strom (Yandere Assassin/Bounty Hunter) one shot?

You dropped this really cool concept about a company that dabbles in human trafficking in order to cater to people who we may call “human fuckers” (they're freaky and horni and squishy and cuddly) and I just wanna say that I think that's fucking great and awesome

Also...

Do you think Synthis gave out their (to be sold) employees' worn underwear to the people that were going to buy them?

No they don't sell people with loving friends and family! That would make it harder to operate.

Mostly sell only to very specific clients.

I do like the used undies sampler pack idea to help them pick a person.

Organs can be grown and sold cheaply (synthis synthetics organs department) so no worry of reader sold for organs.

Possible for slavery, but the robots of the future are stronger, more willing, and overall cheaper since there's no med cost or food or sleep or even a habitat required. So it just isn't practical.

Most customers are looking for something to love them or slide their dick in.

[omgcatboi]

Are you a “eat until death” type of person? I know you want to get fatter, but 800 pounds is a lot…

Answer below the cut (:

I'm not sure how to read the intentions behind this anon, rather they be good or bad. But I'm going to answer anyways because I do get asked this from time to time.

( disclaimer because I can already hear people trying to argue with me, but my aunt who was 700 pounds lived until her 60's and she was fat her entire life, so no, she didn't die immediately from gaining weight. Nor will I. )

Am I an ' eat until death ' type of person;

I absolutely am, but I limit my ' death feedism ' posting here ( as well as tag it ) and am thinking of making another side blog to remove that posting from here entirely for the comfort of my followers. I'm not eating with intention to end myself, I just feel like life is what you make of it and anything can happen at any point to cut us a short deal. Also, my cultural beliefs are that the entire purpose of life is to experience it. So that's what I want to do. Death isn't the end goal, and I do eat many healthy foods ( and encourage it often on my blog so that other feedees can gain weight more healthily. ) I just know I wanna get as big as possible, and that may bring along a good handful of complications that can result in death.

TW ; talk of fascism and American imperialism as well as transphobia / legislation enforcing bigotry.

Also, not to get all doom and gloom but look at the state of this world. Look at the dying planet we have limited time on. Each day a new fascist bill gets passed here in America alone. If death takes me out this hellscape then it's doing me a hell of a favor, because there IS no other way out. Not without a ton of money for a passport and applying for citizenship overseas as well as paying American taxes AFTER moving out. And even then, America IS the empire of our age. It influences the rest of the world. And it has already been invading other countries and enforcing fascist dictatorships either directly or indirectly for MANY years now. So even if I COULD hypothetically move out, I'd still be at risk of being under Americas extreme rule anyway. Or worse, I'd end up in a situation like P/lestinian just like Vi/tnam was.

I know what I'm saying is dark and depressing, as well as anxiety inducing, but I'm showing that I've put plenty of thought behind this decision. Just like I did before starting HRT even tho I ALWAYS knew I am trans. And I don't need anyone trying to talk me out of the lifestyle I am living. Besides, with my genetics, I'm going to keep gaining regardless. It happened to my aunt who was roughly 700 pounds, and even then, she was near her 60's when she passed. I'm only gaining faster, not less. ( And she wasn't gaining intentionally, she just didn't care about fitting into other people's idea of what she should be and what she should do. )

In her 60's

60'S

I don't want to be old and wrinkly ( no hate tho those who are ) I don't want to live that damn long ( like 70's and older ) just. Nah. I'm good.

I'm just enjoying my time while I have it.

( this next part is not about people with triggers who are triggered by death feedism or very fat bodies. So if that is you, stop exposing yourself to this bc I tagged it and talked about it plenty before getting to this point of the post. )

And as a footnote to anyone who may be reading this, if you have an issue with people getting ' too big ' 1) you need to check that way of thinking because you ARE in the feedism / fat kink community. And that INCLUDES people who are, gasp, suprise, FAT. And 2) you should spend some time reflecting on what lead you to harboring that way of thinking.

Not saying this anon holds these views at all, I'm just mentioning it because it is my blog and we are on the topic. ( Plus I'm Knipping everything in the bud now as far as the group of people who will try and spew any level of fatphobia at me for this. In which case I'm not even going to read what y'all say, I'm just going to block you lol. )

One love and allat 😌

[beskarinhyperspace]

A Ripple In Space

This was a new kind of power, and he couldn’t get enough of it. 

More Chapters | MASTERLIST

3. Leather And Blaster Dust 

*Mature, Explicit, NSFW*

Kylo Ren x fem.reader

wc  4.3k

+ Italics are thoughts. + 

He takes a moment watching you get escorted before turning his heels back inside. He had a meeting with the council today. One he painfully doesn't want to attend. Especially since he can't seem focus at the moment. He felt angry and agitated but didn't understand why. Nervously, he paced around the living room. Nothing was working like he’d hope and feeling stupid for the way he was acting with you. So reckless and impulsive, just like a child. You were simply a poor girl coming from a random planet nobody had heard about. Why was he so curious about you?  

He takes a series of deep breaths attempting to calm himself down. I must stay focused, he tells himself. I need to know who she really is. He grunts, pushing the side of the com-link on his arm, ‘’I need someone to interrogate prisoner 226 and keep an eye on her. ‘’ Receiving a single beep as confirmation, he doesn't waste time and gets ready to leave. 

_ 

He was trapped in endless meetings all morning. His day was getting worse by the hour. He finally gets a moment to himself as he's now navigating the corridors leading to his office. The council kept telling him that he grew weak since the previous attacks on the First Order base. Pressuring our supreme leader to put a stop to this nonsense before it's too late. He needs to learn more about the rebel's operations and tactics. Hopefully the interrogation he set up with you will be fruitful. He knew that they were right. Something was off and it was troubling his mind. He could sense it. The rage was consuming him more and more every day ever since he met you. Normally that'd be a good thing but this, this was torture. He had almost lost control of himself twice with you now. How could he let that happen? His mind was slowly drifting back to his morning with you. The way your doe eyes were looking at him. Lips shiny and trembling. She's so beautiful and I'm.. Urgh, I'm so stupid, she's, my prisoner. what was I thinking?? He rolled his hand into fist, annoyed that his first kiss was with someone who hated him, but he couldn't resist. How could he? You were there, just being so good.. He knew the implications of joining the dark side, especially in his rank. He knew that he couldn't really be with someone and didn’t care about those types of connections anyway. So why was he so taken with you? Lost in his thoughts, he hears a scream coming from the end of the hallway. 

‘’I told you, I’m no one!’’ he hears the woman shouting. 

“We know you're a jedi, tell us the truth! ‘’ followed by a synthetic voice, 

‘’I’m not. I told you, you have the wrong person. I just own a shop that’s- Arggh! ‘’ 

Recognizing the familiar voice in distress, our supreme leader walks towards the interrogation room with a pinch inside his chest. Opening the door in a quick motion, he immediately draws his mask on a stormtrooper now frozen in place. The guard had his white gloves smeared with fresh blood. With the pinching becoming more apparent, he moves his eyes to you. Seeing you on a platform with both wrists and legs tied, he quickly noticed the pain in your red glassy eyes followed by the deep cut on your arm tearing the light fabric of your shirt. Rage starts to boil inside him and within a fraction of a second, he snaps. Extending his arm to strangle the man. Levitating him almost to the ceiling. ‘’What are you doing !?’’ his voice sounding deeper than usual through the modulator. 

The trooper was in shock, not knowing what he did wrong. ‘’I’m ju, just following orders.. ren.. sir..’’ trying to respond with his lungs begging for air. 

‘’I never mentioned torture, not only are you are torturing my guest but you’re also taking decisions on them without my permission!’’ Taking his grip off the guard, makes him fall to the ground. ‘’Let it be known that I’m the Supreme Leader and I decide what goes on my ship!’’ stating as he moved his hand, dragging the soldier across the floor and into the hallway. The soldier quickly gets back on his feet before running away as fast as he possibly can. Meanwhile, you could see the supreme leader moving two fingers across his chest in your direction. Followed by a strong click from the restraints unlocking as you watch him turn around. 

You were in confused, what just happened? Did he just save me from his own men? You follow him while still being careful. Staying a few feet away, afraid of his explosive temper. He was hard to read. Especially with his helmet on. His body was rigid and stiff as he was urgently moving through the corridors. His cloak grazing the ground behind him as he carried himself like nothing could touch him.  

Recognizing the path, you're quickly moving back to his quarters. Once inside, you could only see his back while a hand unclips the weapon on his hip. The one that you’ve learned to avoid and fear. What is he doing? You wondered, and as if he could hear your mind, he extends his arm in a quick motion before powering it. The red vibrating beam was reflecting its light onto the walls. He grabs the lightsaber with both hands before letting out a loud grunt. With a single movement, he effortlessly slashed the couch in front of him. The action was not anticipated. Making you gasp with fear as you stumble on your feet walking backwards.  

Hearing something behind him, he abruptly turns around. In a split second, you feel the radiating heat of the blade that is now pointed straight at you. Seeing the terror in your eyes, he closes the weapon quickly. ‘’Why are you following me?’’ 

You looked up to him, still sitting on the ground as you try to swallow and come back to your senses, ‘’you dismissed my guard, I-I’m a prisoner..’’  

He stays silent, simply staring at you from afar. Being too scared of him, you don’t dare to move from your spot. After a moment he begins to walk slowly to you, giving you his hand to take. As you do, he pulls you slowly back on your feet. “You’re not my prisoner, you’re my guest.’’ he says voice low and calm. He didn’t know why he stopped the guard from doing his job. However, he knew he didn’t want to see you hurt or scared again. Something was pulling him to you and until he figures it out, he needed to make sure you were safe. ‘’You can stay here.’’ saying as he tilts his helmet slightly, ‘’no one ever comes here except me.’’ 

Confused, you asked, “here?’’ 

‘’Yes, this my place, you will be safe. You can do as you please, I don’t spend much time here-’’ 

Intrigued you have your questions, ‘’what about when you are?’’ 

‘’What about it?’’ 

‘’Well, where are you going to sleep? Last time-’’ 

He cuts you right off, “I will not overstep again. Like I said, you are safe here.’’ 

You raise your eyebrow, ‘’enhen..’’ 

‘’What?’’ he asked sounding slightly annoyed. Your eyes move to the gutted couch, and he does the same before looking back to you. ‘’Look, I simply request that you come back here.’’ 

‘’What do you mean by come back?’’ now this is getting interesting..  

You could see him nervously fidgeting with the tip of his gloved fingers. ‘’You are free to roam the ship as you want but, I want you to come back here whenever you’re not. It’s the only place I know no one will..’’ 

‘’Fine, I'll do it.’’ Thinking it’s a pretty good deal.  

He nods and you both stay in silence for a moment not knowing where to go from here. He's a strange man indeed you tell yourself. You don't know where this new ‘freedom’ will lead you but you're sure as hell happy to have it. 

Looking at your arm, he points his finger to your cut. ‘’You should wash before it gets infected.’’ 

Lowering your gaze, you noticed the tear in your sleeve covered in blood. The adrenaline wasn't totally gone yet. Barely feeling the pain of your injury. ‘’I'll go take a shower.’’ You say louder than you would've liked as you walked clumsily to the fresher. 

- 

After your shower, you’re thinking about your new deal as you put your clothes back on. You knew you were not really a guest here. That you were just an inmate with an upgrade but for now, this was good. Really fucking good. Walking out the bathroom, you spot a bottle of bacta spray sitting on the counter. As you go to reach it, you see him sitting on the couch. Grabbing the bacta, you spray your wound before moving in his direction, ‘’can I sit?’’ You asked timidly. He turns his helmet slowly to you before turning it back to silently stare at the wall in front of him. Taking it as a yes, you sit. “What happened?’’ your voice was soft and compassionate as you try to make sense of his outburst.  

He turns to you, taken aback by your sudden interest in him. It's quite unusual for people here to ask questions about himself. It genuinely surprised him that someone like you would want to know more about him. At the same time, if he talks to you, maybe you'd trust him more and maybe, even give him the information he needs. He sighed, ‘’Rebels are attacking our base; the council needs me to take care of it.’’ He looks to you as he breathes in deep, ‘’Some are saying that the jedis are at fault, tweaking their way slowly in using the rebels. It happened in the past.’’ 

You try to keep an open mind. Although, you were not really a fan of the first order. Especially since they literally kidnapped you and kept you imprisoned on their ship. But you also figured that if you were on his good grace, maybe it would make it easier to escape.. You nod, trying to be understanding. You didn’t know what to say or do and so, you gently place a supporting hand on his thigh. Giving him a genuine smile from the corner of your lips. He clears his throat as he nervously adjusts himself in the seat. The movement is subtle but gives you the opportunity to smell him. Leather and blaster dust you tell yourself closing your eyes to the scent. He noticed, tugging his gloves off before gently putting his bare hand on yours. Feeling it warm and damp from the trapped heat. 

Maybe it’s the proximity or maybe it’s the curiosity, but it makes you feel the same electricity you felt earlier this morning. Even if you know it's probably a bad idea, you give his thigh a soft squeeze, which makes his legs twitch in response. Moving slowly closer to him, you test the grounds carefully, but he doesn’t stop you. With hesitation, you bring your hands underneath his helmet. Shyly pulling it off his head. You didn’t know how to act around him. He was truly unpredictable. Still, there was something so strange and strong pulling you to him. You didn’t know what it was, but you couldn't ignore it any longer. 

As you removed the helmet, his hair was a little flatten on the top while strands of it were framing his face. He looked at you almost scared. His small eyes searching for yours, unsure of what to do next. Maker why is he so gorgeous.. 

The truth is, he knew what he wanted. He just wasn't sure if you wanted the same.  

You noticed his chest moving more rapidly as you lean forward to his plump lips. Still thinking of his previous failed attempt, he doesn’t dare to move. Giving you the space to make the first steps. Well, that's what he wanted to do, but upon seeing you wanting him this way wakes something new inside him.  

Moving forward, he grabs your waist pulling you onto him. His hands were now digging into your flesh. Gripping your hips firmly as if he was afraid, you'd run away. Lips slightly parted, your eyes were anxiously staring at him. He was quite a tall man and with that came the rest. You were literally being swallowed while his arms were wrapping your body whole. You could feel the muscles of his arms and chest, twitching and contracting as he holds you in place. ‘’Have you ever..’’ your blood ran cold as you asked the question. In a simple movement he shakes his head making you reply, ‘’me neither.’’ 

A curve on his lips forms a muted smirk, moving his gaze back on your lips. He leans forward, brushing them softly with his. Immediately, you close your eyes to his plush pout pushing against yours, hearing him breath harsher and heavier. His fingers come to knead your flesh as he gave in more. You couldn't resist bringing your hand to his chest. Feeling his warmth coming through the thick fabric of his uniform. Smiling slightly, he continues to discover you. Slowly bringing his hands to your belly before fully going under your shirt. You gasp feeling his thick fingers passing carefully on the sides of your rib cage. Going higher to hold both of your tits in the palm of his hands as he massaged them gently. You keep your eyes closed while he opens his. You were already feeling waves of pleasure coming in between your legs.  

He couldn't take his eyes off you. Studying your every expression as he lightly caresses his thumbs over your nipples. You feel him twitch and getting harder on your mount as you're getting lost in pleasure. As a result, you slowly start to grind yourself on his hardness. Although, all that friction only makes him want you even more. Hearing him exhales sharply at the motion before he stops you mid stroke. Holding your hips in place, he moves his upwards as he strokes your pussy over the clothes with his length. He lets out a few short breaths before taking a hold of your thighs. Pressing them tightly to his body as he rose from the ruined sofa.  

“Woah-” You instantly open your eyes wider, gripping yourself firm on his arm and shoulder to the sudden action. He doesn't stop. Kissing your neck as he brings you to the bedroom. Once inside, he crouches down in front of the mattress, dropping you smoothly on its edge to unclip his cape. 

Oh, it’s really happening..  

You were now observing him unbutton his stiff jacket. Swallowing dry as you wait for him to come back to you. You couldn't stop looking at his chest. Now noticing the definition of his muscles through the thinner fabric. He moves down, looking into your eye as he removed your bottom. You follow by coming forward to his waist and begin to unbuckle his belt while he takes a deep nervous breath through his nose. Moving his hands anxiously to undo his pants, you bring yours to roll his shirt up. You can sense his stomach contracting as you pull it completely over his head. At this point you know where this is going and so you just remove the rest of your clothes. As you remove the last piece you notice that he hasn't moved at all. Maker, why is he looking at me like that? His eyes were glued to you. You can't help but feel small as he's staring in silence. There's nowhere to hide from your shyness.  

He seemed to notice your nervousness. Passing the tip of his finger on your cheek. “You're, so beautiful..” he says, bringing both hands to his waist to remove the last piece of clothing covering him. You were a little stunned. It was bigger than what you imagined but you don't have time to react as he comes closer to grab your waist. Pushing you further into the bed before hovering you. You can feel his hair tickling and dancing on your cheek as he's kissing you tongue deep. Humming with anticipation he brings his hand back to your breast. Automatically, you close your eyes to his big hand squeezing and massaging your tit with his fingers. Slowly getting more comfortable with his touch on your body. You feel them going down, grazing alongside your stomach before abruptly stopping to your mount. You can sense how nervous he is in his halt. Smiling softly, you take his hand as you guide him further down. Giving him permission to touch you however he wishes to.  

His bottom lip twitched as he pulls himself back slightly. Wanting to watch you as he caresses and explore you further. He lightly brushes his thick fingers on your swollen lips, observing you with his mouth slightly open. You look so good, so perfect in his hands he thought to himself. After what felt like forever, he slowly pushes his fingers at your entrance. Making you instantly embarrassed on how quick you were coating them. They were gliding against your walls so effortlessly, sucking them in as you begin to let out some low vibrating moans. He pumps them a few times before passing them in between your folds. “T-that, feels, so good..” you purred out unable to control your breathing.  

“Yeah?” His eyes were locked on you as he watches your body twist with pleasure under him. This was a new kind of power, and he couldn’t get enough of it. Coming closer, he puts his arms on your sides before placing himself in between your legs. You stared at each other nervously when you feel him push the tip of his cock against your entrance moving slowly in. Making you inhale sharply at his length entering you. 

“Is this, okay?” He asks voice dry, almost out of breath.  

“Yes please, I want to” you answered half in pain, half begging. Not making you wait any longer, he begins to move slow as his eyes were admiring yours. It doesn’t take time for your juices to cover his length fully, making you both pant harder to the wet, hot, gliding sensation. His cock was so soft and thick, filling your pussy full like it was made for it. He comes back to kiss you while he begins thrust in and out in a faster pace. His tongue coming through his plump lips, caressing yours desperately. As if he needed this, needed you. He wants to know more of you, all of you.. Now growling low, he grinds his hips harder. Your moans are becoming louder as you feel the electric waves inside your belly. And then it happens again, the pulsing energy around his shape. It’s faint, like a breeze passing through your nerves. His voice trembles, “can I-’’  

You nod, cutting him off. Knowing exactly what he’s going to ask, “-yes, yes please..” 

He moves his face into your neck, sucking lazily on it as he now pounds in harder. Meanwhile his hands were holding the side of your face and hip. Not being able to hold it in any longer, you whine as you finally cum around him. Feeling gusts of air in your neck. He pants himself to his sweet relief. Cumming with an explosive grunt in your ear. 

He brings his hand to your face. Looking at you from the side while his head still rests in your neck. He brushed the tip of his fingers lightly over your lips. Making you naturally open them slightly to his touch. ‘’You’re truly beautiful’’ Hearing him say low and raspy. 

Moving to face him, you slide his cock out before resting on your side. He holds the side of your face in his hand, coming closer for a kiss. As he’s breathing in hard though his nose, he moves his hand to your waist, “Come” he says pulling himself up before taking your hands to help you rise from the bed. Guiding you to the fresher.  

He gets two towels out of the cabinet and turns the shower on. You were enjoying the water running on your body. Sensing an arm grabbing your waist from behind as he moves the other to take your breast. You instantly drop your head back to his chest, giving yourself to his touch. His body was steady, and firm compared to his soft fingers caressing your body.  

He wanted to make you feel good, knowing it might be the first and last time you ever let him touch you this way. His thick fingers now moving lower, he grabs your poured out slick to circle your clit. Making you part your legs to let him play with you better. You let out some whimpers as he's passing his now fully coated digits in between your folds before entering you. You gasp with your mouth fully open to the sensation as he glides the tips of them on the top of your walls. Pumping them as his thumb is still caressing your clit. The noises of your pussy sucking them in is embarrassing. You were a mess as your voice was becoming uncontrollable. Twisting yourself in his grip while feeling his chest rigid behind you. “I’m gonn-” trying to not sound too desperate.  

‘’Do,” he replies, cutting you off. He leans to the back of your neck. Giving you a gentle kiss as you whine and start losing balance. Grabbing you in time by the waist, he holds you more firmly as you bend in his grip. You hold yourself onto the shower walls as you feel your legs going numb. Cumming once more on him, breathing harshly as he continues to push in slow a couple more times. Passing his fingers gently up and down to your folds. He changes his grip as he hears your breath shaking. Giving you another kiss on the back of your head before turning you around to face him. His eyes were observing you as you pass the back of your thumb on his jaw.  

Wanting to take full advantage of the limited time he has with you. He turns around to grab a washcloth before lathering soap into it, ‘’can I?” 

You nod in response, staying still as he brings the washcloth to your body. His touch was careful and gentle as you let him discover you another way. This felt somehow more intimate than what you just did. Feeling smaller than usual but not in a bad way. Definitely not in a bad way.. He takes the shower head to rinse your body while you took another washcloth, doing the same he did. His muscles were contracting as you pass the soapy square over his chest. His breathing was heavy as you examined his skin. Which was full of small cuts and scars with some newer than others. He didn't like that, closing his eyes he squeezed his hands into fists. He was trying hard to be as compliant to you as you were with him. Being so tall and broad, you needed him to move around to be able to fully wash him. You looked into his eyes asking timidly, “can you turn?” He doesn’t move or speak as he stares at you seriously. “Please?” you finally ask softly.  

He pursed his lips without a word before turning around. Giving you now full access to it. You inhale sharply seeing the fresh cut across his back. You're trying to breathe through your nose. Slowly remembering who he truly is. Not knowing what to do or say, you stand still. Feeling your ghostly touch, he knows very well the nature of your hesitation. He turns around, taking the washcloth from your hands. Washing himself quickly before going fully under the water. Wetting his raven hair in the process. He gets out of the shower without a single eye contact. Carelessly dripping everywhere as he grabs one of the towels on his way out. 

You just knew he was hurt but you also didn’t know what to do. You get out to dry yourself, wrapping the towel around you. Walking to him calmly while he sat on the gutted couch. “I’m sorry.” You finally let out trying to be as sincere as you possibly can, but he doesn’t move. He remained still while starring to the empty space in front of him. “Please Kylo, I-I..” you plead, trying desperately to have him interact with you. He shifts his focus to you, being surprised to hear you speak his name. Now having his attention on you, you bend closer, taking his hands into yours. Gently pulling him so he would stand up. After a few tugs, he slowly follows you. You tilt your face up to meet him. “I’m sorry, I was taken by surprise” you repeated with a soft smile. Dragging him forward and back to the bedroom.  

As you get into the covers, you extend your arm, inviting him in. He takes a moment simply admiring you in his bed. Bending down, he searched through the piles of clothes on the floor. Putting on his underwear before coming to put his large shirt on your body. You give him a kiss on the cheek as he comes to lay on your side. Closing your eyes to his warmth, you settle your head on the pillow.  

He stays silent. Simply watching you get comfortable beside him. Wondering how he ended up here with you. I lost control again; he kept repeating to himself. As much as he likes being close to you, he knows it's wrong and can't keep it. No matter how much he wanted to.. 

--

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