#Yes 3 took everything I love about Dark Moon and the original game and made a beautiful merge of the two | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Amethyst you so much

Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning

Word Count: 6.4K

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Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.

He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.

The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.

He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.

“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”

She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.

She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”

She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.

“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.

She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”

“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”

He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”

“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.

He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.

“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”

“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”

She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”

“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.

He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.

“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”

“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.

She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.

“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”

“I’ve always been drawn to it.”

She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”

“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.

He was on a mission to keep seeing it.

“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.

“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.

Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.

“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.

“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”

“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”

“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.

She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”

“My mom was into Doctor Who.”

“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”

He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”

“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”

He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.

He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.

He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.

She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.

“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.

“what’s this for?”

“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”

The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.

“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”

“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.

They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.

“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.

It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”

“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”

“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”

“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.

“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.

She kept him busy.

She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.

He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.

“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”

“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”

“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”

“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”

“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.

Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.

“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”

Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.

The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”

He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”

“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.

Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.

“Who?!”

He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”

“Y/N.”

The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”

He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.

“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”

“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.

“She’s going to love that.”

—

Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.

He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.

He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.

“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”

He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.

“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.

“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.

“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.

“You looked upset?”

She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.

“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”

“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.

He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”

She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.

—

He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.

He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.

He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.

“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.

“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”

“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.

It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.

Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”

He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.

He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.

She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”

“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”

“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”

“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.

She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”

“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.

He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.

He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.

They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.

He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.

Only she doesn’t.

30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.

“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”

“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”

“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”

“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”

Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”

Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.

It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.

“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”

“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.

Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.

“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.

“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”

“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.

He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.

“Is she still just a crush?”

Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”

“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”

Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.

He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.

“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.

She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.

“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.

She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.

She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.

He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”

“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”

“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.

He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.

She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.

“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell. As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎ Spencer

She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.

“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.

“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.

He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.

“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”

“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.

She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”

“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.

She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.

She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.

She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.

Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.

“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”

“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.

“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”

It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”

He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”

He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”

She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.

“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.

She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.

“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.

“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.

They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.

“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”

He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.

“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.

“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

—

He’s late for work the next morning.

Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.

Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.

He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.

“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”

“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.

He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”

“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”

“I’ll see you later?”

She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”

“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.

He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.

It was something he could get used to.

He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.

“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”

“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.

“Hmm?” He played dumb.

“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.

“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.

Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”

Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”

He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”

“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.

He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”

“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.

“Okay and?”

“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.

“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.

He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.

“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”

“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”

“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.

“Gross,” Derek teases him.

“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.

Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.

The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.

They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.

She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”

“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.

“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.

“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.

She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”

“Together?” He repeats her words.

“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.

“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.

“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.

They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.

“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.

He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.

“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.

“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.

He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”

“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.

He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.

That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #one shot #fluff

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philliamwrites · 4 years

Text

The Dawn Will Come [Chpt.4]

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Pairing: Dimitri x Reader, Claude x Reader, Edelgard x Reader, Yuri x Reader, Edelgard x Byleth, lots of minor pairings

Tags: #gn reader, # platonic love byleth & reader, #reader is a tactical unit, #angst, #slow burn, #subplots, #unreliable narrator, #pining, #remporary amnesia, #reluctant herp, #canon divergence, #lost twin au, #many chapters, #original content

Words: 7.7k

Summary: Waking up in a forest without any knowledge of your past and who you are, you join the house leaders of the Officers Academy to search for a way to return your memories. Unfortunately, the church has different plans for you, and Fate places you in the centre of a cruel game with deadly stakes. It certainly doesn’t help to fall in love with a house leader who is doomed to be your demise.

Notes: Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

Chapter 04: Demands of the Faithful

I stretch lame hands of faith, and grope, And gather dust and chaff, and call To what I feel is Lord of all, And faintly trust the larger hope.

[Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam A.H.H.]

“I’m glad you could make time,” Byleth says, carefully placing her fine cup on the small bottom plate. If she notices how uncomfortable you feel, sitting in the centre of the yard, drinking tea, she ignores it. “Let’s think together about what we want to teach during the mock battle.”

“This is a bad idea,” you say, nibbling on your cup. “A very bad idea.”

The late afternoon hours are quiet, but it certainly helps that the tea arrangement is tugged away in a far off corner in the courtyard, hidden behind tall hedges that allow privacy. The sweet smell of chamomile tea and strawberry pastry is a nice exchange from the usual savoury smells you’re used to in the cafeteria. All around you, the high, spiky roofs of the monastery’s towers stand out against the fiery, orange sky, throwing longer and longer shadows as the sun sets behind the mountains. The clouds are soft, pink cotton-candy, blushing at the warm touch of the sun.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Byleth continues, cutting through a piece of cake with her fork. “We’ve seen what the house leaders are capable of. It’s time to see what the rest of the students can do.”

“Don’t take me wrong. I think a mock battle will help them grow,” you agree. “I just don’t really understand why it’s me who has to lead the Blue Lions.”

“I think Professor Hanneman is not present at the day of the mission,” Byleth explains. “It seems on the last day of Lone Moon he always leaves the monastery for a private reason. And I assume Lady Rhea means to see the extent of your power.”

That’s what you expected as well. In the last couple of days you realised your power is a muscle, to be exercised daily, never to be pushed to the extreme. It was a strenuous task to try out how much is too much; where there’s still room. Under the keen eyes of Hanneman, you two practised day after day, trying to figure out how much your body can take before exhaustion sweeps over you and renders you immobile. Crests usually don’t have a limit; depending on their nature they grant a permament boost to the bearer’s abilities. Muttering under his breath, Hanneman had made quite a show to remind you what a curiosity the Crest of the Herald is. Like you wouldn’t know.

“Since we’re going to be on the field as well, you might want to get more practice with the sword,” Byleth proposes, and you groan. She has a way of being brutally honest, and so far no one’s been spared to get the brunt of it. “I’m not letting my students hold back. Not even against you.”

“You really are a voice of confidence, you know.” Shoulders drooping like someone took the wind from your sails, you throw your head back and drink the rest of your tea. Byleth’s expression doesn’t change, and you wonder why you even try being funny around her.

After clearing the table, Byleth accompanies you to your next lesson hall. It’s nice in theory, but her vigorous way of trying to drill sword techniques into your head on the way doesn’t hide her true agenda. Only slowly, you begin to realise that is maybe her way of caring for someone. Brutish in appearance, but once you look past the first impression of indifference, Byleth’s silent demeanour speaks louder than words.

Students linger in small groups in front of the class rooms, their exhausted faces from a full day of lessons and hard training visible in the way they carry their bodies. If you had a say in it, you’d cancel the evening lessons and let them rest; a reoccurring debate inside the faculty that doesn’t go anywhere. Byleth stops in front of the class room, surveying the students with a cool gaze, when suddenly Claude and Hilda jog towards you, and by “jogging” they decided Hilda to be the only one running while carrying Claude bridal style like he weighs nothing. As they pass you, Claude tips an invisible hat in your direction, calling “Hey, teach,” and then immediately “Bye, teach!” as they cross the courtyard.

Your gaze follows them. “What just happened.”

Byleth doesn’t even bother to look. “Claude and Hilda happened.”

Heavens, you don’t know if you’re able to handle them later.

After exchanging goodbyes with Byleth, you tackle the next forty minutes with a belly full of sweets and a mind occupied with worrying about everything you might do wrong next week. Forming two groups, you hand out two different manoeuvres you dug out of books, and present the task, “Work out the pros and cons of each battle tactic, and present them to the class. Explain where you would have done things differently, and why.”

Sylvain raises his hand.

“Yes, you can leave to bathroom breaks without asking me,” you say.

Sylvain drops his hand. Then raises it again.

“No, you can’t bring animals you find on your way back to your seat,” you say.

He drops his hand. Beside him, Ingrid fails to stifle a groan.

Twenty minutes later, the first group stands in front of the class. Mercedes’s steady hand draws the perfect copy of the manoeuvre on the chalk board while Annette recites every step flawlessly. They’re a powerful combination, and that’s only half owed to their friendship. Mercedes is soft; she’s the silk hiding the dagger that Annette’s sharp mind is. There’s strength in kindness, and both have honed this ability to a razor-sharp weapon. There’s still a pouch of unfinished cookies Mercedes has baked for you left in your room, something to keep in mind for the next tea hour with Byleth. Felix and Dedue don’t add much, and you’re a little afraid to ask, seeing how Felix’s eyes burn holes in the back of Dedue’s head. There’s been rumours going on about a dispute, but no details, and you gladly leave that sort of teacher-student business to Hanneman.

The remaining students do their job almost just as good. But the thought of children being so confident in ways of war and killing leaves a painful twinge in your chest. You wonder what will become of them all in a few years, what battles they will win. What battles they will lose—this fear lingers at the edges of your consciousness like an ever-present shadow. To push it away, you try to refocus on the task at hand.

�� “Look at the battalions you have,” you advise, tapping a finger against the cool surface of the board. It comes away white with chalk, leaving a white smudge on your robe as you wipe it off. “Where are they placed?”

Ashe clears his throat. “Two Lance Soldiers, that’s Infantry. One Magic Squadron, also Infantry. The latter is stationed far northeast on that island. Two Pegasus Corpses, which are Flying Types. We put them behind the mountains to ambush the enemies on their way to one of our Infantries.”

“A good idea in theory,” you acknowledge, and don’t miss how Ashe exhales in relief. “And where are you enemies?”

“They’re facing our Infantry and the Squadron,” Dimitri steps in now. “The Flying Unit engage from the back. After their victory, Infantry and Flying close the last opposite unite off on the bridge, and join the Magic Squadron in fighting.”

“Okay, okay,” you nod. “And now look at the terrain of this last unit you want to take on from the front and back. The one on the bridge moving towards the Squadron.”

The room is quiet for a minute, and then a silent “Oh” from Ashe.

“Yes. Oh. The Magic Squadron moves slower through the woods. You’ll lose them. And one of the Lance units is probably the next to go.” You draw sharp lines across the board with red chalk, changing the battalion’s movements. One goes across the whole board, crossing out the word Sea. “Wouldn’t it be smarter to have your Pegasus Companies move this way across the water, join the Magic Squadron and then close in from the right to join the Infantries?”

“But Herald.” Ingrid raises her hand, but doesn’t wait for you to pick her. “If Infantry and Flying take out the first enemy, we’ll still win. The remaining unit will be trapped on the island without a possibility to retreat. Wouldn’t it be wiser to sacrifice the Magic Squadron just for that?”

“I agree with Ingrid,” says Sylvain. He’s sitting on a desk, and swings his legs back and forth. “With or without them, we won the battle, and that’s what matters.”

You turn back to scan the manoeuvre one more time. They’re right—blocking the enemy’s escape routes off proves a solid guarantee to win, and yet you’ve somewhat hoped they wouldn’t settle on this option. There’s a bitter taste in your mouth, turning your lips upside down as if you’ve bitten into a lemon.

“Sometimes, you don’t want to win the battle,” you start slowly, the thought blossoming from a dark place deep inside you. “Sometimes you want as many as possible to live.” Which is easier said than done, and no one in the room agrees on your statement because they know just as much that such a choice isn’t always granted. Before the silence stretches on too long, you quickly add, “I guess it is more important to know there is no right or wrong answer. You make decisions later on that will either grant you victory or death, and you will have to live with those decisions.”

Unanimous murmur sounds from the students, a topic nobody wants to dwell on too long, and you grant them that wish; this precious little time they’re still allowed to be children and make mistakes before responsibilities catch up to them. The rest of the lesson flies past without disturbances, and when the bells announce the break, they jump from their seats and scurry outside.

“Don’t forget there’s going to be a test after the mock battle,” you call after them, knowing they’ll forget anyway and then boycott. The Lions are finally done with lessons, but there is the Deer House who have the misfortune to attend the last period of the day. As you prepare their unit of instruction on different terrains, Dimitri approaches you, his expression a mixture between confidence and tension.

“Herald.” He stops in front of your desk, shoulders squared into a declaration of deference. “I have prepared instructions on everyone’s weaknesses and strengths. Please, do consider to take a look. Since one of the rules is that only six units will be stationed on the field, I hope this will make your decision easier who to choose.” Placing the papers with outmost care on your table, Dimitri hesitates a moment before continuing, “What you said earlier … truth be told, I think the same. To limit the loss of lives as much as possible should be a priority to a leader as well. To hear that from someone like you … I was quite glad.”

“Someone like me,” you repeat, but you’re more surprised to feel your fingers itch to take the papers and get a first read on everyone. After going through similar notes from Linhardt, you’re now excited to learn more about your proteges, and with luck someone from the Golden Deer students might provide you with a first survey as well.

“Someone responsible for tactics and strategy,” Dimitri quickly clarifies. “Someone tasked with bringing absolute victory.” He gives you a look that is somehow both caressing and calculating at the same time. “I understand that those sometimes compete with one’s own beliefs regarding the value of life. One’s conscience is as much of a weapon as a sharpened blade. If it breaks, what use is there to a person.”

“Those are … some mature thoughts.” You don’t know where this observation goes. Of course he is mature, he has to be as the successor of a noble lineage. “For someone your age.” You press your mouth into a thin line, cursing your inability to think of a better response. But Dimitri simply smiles—a smile that is like a light suddenly being turned on in every room of a dark house.

“Oh, but I do not want to bore you with such matters. I just wanted to add, I really do look forward to have you on our side during the mock battle.” He gives a little courtesy bow. “Let us discuss the details on the day before the mission. A good evening to you, Herald.”

Dimitri leaves with a little bounce to his step. It’s probably better he’s in high spirits, even though you aren’t sure what exactly made him happy. It would be a real shame to extinguish his excitement by being an utter failure during the battle, so you make sure to read whatever he managed to put together about his classmates as soon as possible. There’s still some minutes left before the first Deer students will enter. Exhaustion lulls you into resting your eyes, and the moment your head is cradled in your arms, you doze off.

It’s the third time you have this dream after joining the Officer’s Academy, though calling it a ‘dream’ is a stretch—there is nothing happening, nothing to see. Only white, as pure and unblemished as a young lily blossom in early spring. Only this time this picture—maybe a memory, but of what or where you can’t say—is different.

Wake up, a voice whispers, barely recognisable and dull, spoken behind a wall of water. Wake up.

Your hands weigh a ton. Unable to reach out and grasp it, the dream blurs, slipping through your fingers like sand.

Wake up.

“Herald, wake up,” Claude persists. “You’re drooling on my test papers.”

His hand brushes your shoulder and you jump, all focus on the dream dispersing. Multiple voices fill the room in a shower of sounds, not helping to regain your senses of where you are. It doesn’t help that your right eye throbs dully, and as you rub it to somehow reduce the sensation, white spots dance across your vision.

“So sorry, Herald,” Claude smirks with his hand still hovering over your shoulder. “Didn’t mean to wake you from your beauty rest, but Hilda planned to draw obscene things on your face, and we can’t have that now, can we.”

“Liars never prosper, Claude!” comes Hilda’s response from somewhere in the back of the room. You groan, narrowing your eyes at him. Going back to sleep and stumbling about to try and figure out what’s going on sounds more pleasing than dealing with Claude’s shenanigans.

“Man, what a bummer you won’t join our House during the mock battle,” he continues as if Hilda hasn’t said anything. “If someone asked me, I think to have you fight for the Blue Lions is cheating.”

“But no one asked you?” you offer, indulging him with a weak smile.

“The audacity, right?” Claude rolls his eyes towards the ceiling, leaning against the teacher’s desk. “Just imagine the brilliant schemes we two could work out. Oh, I have an amazing idea. How about you ask Lady Rhea—”

“I’m not asking to be by your side during the battle.”

“Ouch.” Claude places a hand over his chest, right above his heart. “Immediately shut down. Who knew our dearest Herald would be such a heart breaker.”

You shoo him away, not only because he’s getting on your nerves, but there’s also Ignatz and Raphael standing in line, waiting for your attention.

“We’ve heard the students from the other Houses gave you some insight in their abilities,” Ignatz says, tugging a stack of papers to his chest. “We decided to give you one as well.”

“I’m sure you’ll like them,” Raphael chimes in, looking more excited than usual. “I gave Ignatz instructions on how to make our report the best. Forget boring words, Herald, we’ve prepared the real deal!” He rips the papers from Ignatz’s hands and slams them on your table. A crack sounds on the underside, and Raphael leans his whole weight upon the surface, completely oblivious to the protesting creak of the wood.

“Here, we started with Claude, since he’s the big shot and all that,” he explains, opening the first page. It shows Claude, a surprisingly accurate portrait of him, if not a little bit scrawny. He’s wielding a bow, nocking multiple arrows. Seems like Raphael wasn’t the only one giving instructions.

“And here is Leonie, and there’s Lorenz, and oh! That’s us working together as a team!” Raphael beams as he turns the page. In this picture, everyone is assembled, fighting against angry looking soldiers and horned monsters. There’s Lysithea and Marianne shooting lightning bolts from their hands, zapping their opponents. Raphael is carrying a huge stone, on top of it stands Hilda, wielding a mighty axe.

“These are the most accurate file reports I’ve seen,” you say for lack of better words. “It really is a shame I can’t join you for the mock battle.”

“There’s gonna be a next time, no worries!” Raphael gives you a thumbs up, then retreats to his seat, Ignatz by his side. They’re a funny duo, not just because of their different build. Their personalities seem the complete opposite, and yet strangely fit like a child’s box to sort blocks into the right shapes.

The difference between the Golden Deers and Blue Lions, for one, is the noise level. Instead of waiting for you to call them up one by one, they love to shout answers whenever they see fit. Judging who was the first isn’t really easy when four people scream at the same time, so you’ve given up on that—Claude’s policy whoever screams loudest didn’t help all too much as well. Maybe it’s time to ask Byleth about some tips how to handle them. When the bell tolls for the last time for this day, announcing everyone to be relieved of their work, the student clear out faster than during fire drills, leaving you with a turmoil of thoughts and worries and two little voices bickering about how much of a disaster next week is going to be.

After seven days and nights of restless sleep and vigorous training under the vicious supervision of Byleth, the green fields stretching before you end boarding on lush woods, its treetops protruding into the sky. It’s a wonderful day you would enjoy much more without knowing this is a battle field, and the people behind you wait for your command.

“Black Eagle and Golden Deer are in position. Captain Jeralt said the mock battle begins in roughly ten minutes.” Dedue gives you an expectant look, and you give him a curt nod, your mouth dry.

“Thanks. We’ll have a last briefing. After that, we’ll deploy our units.”

Dedue joins his classmates, leaving you to your troubled thoughts. With luck, none of your opponents will reach you, and you won’t have to fight. It’s as if you can feel Byleth’s taste for your blood all across the field, even though right now she’s just a blurry, dark blob in the distance, surrounded by her students.

“Do not worry, Herald.” The hard metal of a gauntlet on your shoulder makes you flinch, backing away from Dimitri. The worry on his face is a mirror of your own, albeit for different reasons. “Everyone will do their best to follow your orders, and fight with everything they've got. Your leadership will lead us to victory.”

“Oh, yeah!” You don’t meet his eyes. “For sure.” Zero pressure and all that. You don’t say that, seeing that most of the students don’t appear to be as nervous as you. Confidence is key, and even though you see none of it in tangible proximity, you can at least fake it until you make it.

Six minutes left. With a deep breath, you try to get hold of yourself, and face the Lions.

“Since we don’t know who will be deployed by Manuela and Byleth, prepare for everything. I want to split the group. Dimitri, Dedue and Mercedes move to the northern forest. Felix, Sylvain, you’re moving west with me.”

Felix pulls a grimace, but before he can say anything, Sylvain throws an arm around his shoulders and leans on him, gracing you with a full grin. “We got your back, Herald.” He earns a whack on his back from his friend.

“Why are we splitting up if our plan is to take out each group separately?” Dedue inquirers. “Isn’t that what we agreed on before?”

“I think the Herald plans to let our opponents think we plan on taking them both on at the same time.” Dimitri throws a quick glance at you. “We’ll draw them in our direction, and once they are near, we close in from both sides.”

You nod. “Precisely. We know the Black Eagles will start far north from us. The Golden Deers are northwest. As soon as one of them moves towards us, we’ll have to defeat them immediately. It will be easier fighting one House, not both at the same time.”

“Look at you, Your Highness.” Sylvain pats him on the shoulder, looking proud. “Someone’s been paying attention in class!”

“Sylvain—” Dimitri’s chiding meets deaf ears as Sylvain already turns away, checking his lance for a last time. But he does beam a little, you think. Or maybe it’s just the sun making everything look much brighter. It’ll go into your report nonetheless. Chances of a victory look good—even if you have to retreat, the Blue Lions might make it on their own.

The bressy sound of a horn echoes across the valley, reverberating in your bones. The mock battle begins.

The weight of the wooden training sword hanging from your hip is foreign; it’s as though you only expect to trip over it. Determined to keep it in its holster, you approach the grove, flanked by Sylvain and Felix—and not a minute too soon. Moving towards you is the first line of enemies, Ignatz, Lorenz and Marianne.

“I think they didn’t see us—” Sylvain starts just as the first arrow flies past his head and hits the trunk beside him with a thunk. For safety purposes, all arrow’s tips are wrapped up in stiff cloth, not intended to leave permanent wounds but surely still capable to deliver nasty bruises like the training swords and lances.

“I think they saw us—” Sylvain’s brilliant new observation ends in a yelp as Felix shoves him out of the line of fire.

“Get down, dumbass!”

You three duck behind bushes and trees, cautiously observing how the others advance, their weapons drawn.

“I’ll go for Ignatz,” you say. “Felix, you’re fast enough to reach Marianne and take her down before she starts healing everyone.”

“Fine, we’ll try your plan.” Felix has his sword drawn already, gripping it tight enough his knuckles turn white. “Try not to get kicked out too soon, will you.”

You blow a strand of hair from out of your eyes, squinting at his back as he jumps out of cover. The last couple of weeks you’ve put in some extra hours of sword practice with Felix. As an exceptional swordsman, noble and diligent in his training unlike anyone else—safe maybe for Dimitri—you imagined no one could teach you as much as possible in the short amount of time until the mission. It took some convincing, but the decisive argument that sold him was your desire to become better to finally have at least a chance against Byleth. If she is stern during practice, Felix is vicious, exploiting the tiniest opening you give in order to make you learn from your mistakes. Your body was a medley of pain and aches after every evening, but now the memory of that very same melody is your marching song towards battle. Then there’s always the knowledge that if you three can distract them long enough before the rest of the Golden Deer students arrive, Dimitri and the rest will close in on your position, and taking down your opponents won’t be difficult.

“Sylvain, Lorenz is yours.”

He answers with a simple salute, grip tight around his training lance, and as you both follow Felix out in the open, an image flickers before you, there and gone like a flame going out with a last glint. An arrow, headed straight at you. Your body moves in instinct, dodging the projectile not a second too late. Judging from the direction of its origin, Ignatz must be just beyond the rocks only a few hundred yards away. You throw a MiasmaΔ in his direction, the black ball carving its path across the grasslands. It hits the stone, chipping parts away and revealing Ignatz, crouching behind it. He looks up, dirt on his cheeks, and adjusts his glasses before ducking out of his cover, another arrow already ready on his bow.

Another arrow hits him on his back, hard enough to get him down on his knees. Mercedes’ accuracy isn’t as good as Ashe’s, but the determination carved into her face makes up for lack of skill. Dimitri and Dedue are right on her heels, but a single look thrown over your shoulder shows that Felix and Sylvain have everything under control. Coming out victorious as well, save for Sylvain pressing a hand against his ribs, they were still complete. The knowledge of that makes you sigh in relief, a new surge of hope soaring inside you.

“I knew we shouldn’t have listened to Claude’s dubious plan.” Lorenz’s bickering is still audible, even as the three proceed to leave the battle grounds to meet up with Jeralt. You’re really curious to see what exactly Claude had in mind, but diverting your focus for just a second could become dangerous. Instead, you turn towards the students.

“Stay close,” you order, waiting until Mercedes is finished checking Sylvain's injuries. “We’re going to move further towards the Golden Deers and eliminate them first.” Flexing your fingers against the slow growth of getting used casting spells, your group begins to move further north.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you notice Dimitri buckling and unbuckling his spear from his back. Out of lack for the right words, and because the first rush of adrenaline still courses through your body, you jostle against him, wearing a grin on your face.

“Look lively, Your Highness,” you advise. “All that nervous fumbling isn’t what a leader is supposed to do.”

A tiny gasps leaves him, more an exhale than anything else, but he turns towards you, slightly flushed. Bringing his hands to his sides, it’s too obvious he’s tensing his body so they don’t stray again—like a statue that’s on the edge of shattering at the tiniest movement.

“You’re right, of course.” He lowers his head a little. “I just keep thinking that the Black Eagle students wait for us in that direction as well. Some are surely moving towards us as we speak.”

“Are you worried about Byleth?” you wonder, and more as an afterthought add, “Or Edelgard?”

“Anyone who is not worried about Byleth is a fool, if you ask me,” he replies with a crease between his pale eyebrows. “And well, this is our first chance to prove ourselves, being the heirs to the ruling factions. I know Edelgard is exceptionally strong. And Claude surely has an ace up his sleeve. You are right, Herald. Nervousness is a sign of hesitation, of weakness. I will be better than that.” A new fire comes alive in his eyes as he strides onward, catching up to Mercedes and Sylvain to compliment her on the excellent shot from before.

The epiphany really comes only now, fast and hard like a lightning bolt, that these children will drink in everything you have to offer—advices, orders, simple words of encouragement—simply for the title that is strapped around your neck. The weight of that responsibility slows your steps, which allows for another worry to quickly catch up: has everything you have taught them so far been right? Do they really know how to exploit the advantages certain classes have over others; will a strategic retreat even occur to them in the right time before it’s too late.

Doubt is like poison, slowly eating you from the inside. This mock battle won’t just be a lesson for the students. It will also test if you have put them on the right path, and the realisation unfolds a new conviction inside you, breathing new wind into your sails.

You quickly catch up to them, another rush of encouraging words on your lips when another image flickers on and off, painting your sight red. You freeze, raising an arm, hand formed into a fist.

“Halt!” you shout, processing what you just saw. The students pause, forming a loose circle around you. The throbbing from before settles back in, more persistent now like someone’s knocking against the back of your skull to get your attention. You try to ignore that and focus on categorising every student’s ability in alphabetical order.

“Linhardt,” you gasp, eyes wide open and glued on Dedue.

The students exchange worried glances. Sylvain is the first to speak. “No, Herald,” he says. “Linhardt’s the pretty boy with all the books, you know. Who sleeps just about anywhere, like a cat. That’s our Dedue here.”

“No, I mean Linhardt has Nosferatu,” you quickly explain, flailing your hands in hope to express yourself better. It doesn’t look like it helps. “Linhardt is the only one left who can use Nosferatu, and he’s going to land a good hit on Dedue. And with good, I mean bad. If he hits you, you’re down, Dedue.” Because only that makes sense, as Marianne is already standing on the sidelines and you haven’t heard about anyone else learning the skill. Undoubtedly a Nosferatu will hit Dedue if you don’t change course or take the spell caster out first.

Dedue steps forward. “Should it give us an advantage against our enemy, I will gladly face the opponent and go down if it means it won’t interfere with our progress towards the Golden Deer students.”

“Sacrificing yourself for a mere praise from the boar, is that what you hope for?” Felix demands, or more like snarls, his handsome face crumpling into an ugly look of contempt. “Pathetic.”

“Sacrifice is a big word to throw around during a mock battle, don’t you think,” Sylvain unhelpfully throws in, his posture a little too relaxed in the light of the conflict that’s about to break out.

Dedue shakes his head. “I am simply fulfilling my duty,” he states. “Anything that will bring His Highness victory.”

“You would also run head first into an ambush and get yourself killed, is that it?” Felix grimaces. “Blindly following orders—”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough!” Your raised voice makes them pause, and you use that second to grab lead of the conversation. “We don’t even know if Linhardt is going to be alone or joined by other Eagle students. What do you think will your little act accomplish, Dedue?”

He sets his mouth into a grim, hard line, unable to come up with a satisfying answer that isn’t a repeat of what he just said.

“You’ll have a tough time going against Black Eagles with all their magic users, so stay with Dimitri. Go and deal with the rest of the Golden Deer students. And you—” You meet Felix’s glare with narrowed eyes. “A battlefield isn’t the place to throw around petty disagreements. You would do well to remember that.”

“Understood.” He rips the training sword from its holster. “But let me go take down that mage. I’ll cut him down swiftly.”

“We’ll go together. I’m not leaving any of you on your own. Take care of Claude,” you tell Dimitri, showing with a nod that you fully trust in his leading ability. “We’ll meet east from the barricades in exactly one hour.”

He doesn’t shy away from you glare. “Understood. Take care you two.”

Felix takes the lead with long, eager strides. As you follow him, you rub your eye, wincing at the pinprick-like pain. The dull throb doesn’t cease this time, and if you had to take a guess, there’s only once left for the Crest to activate before you reach your limit. So far, nothing has helped you to ascertain when exactly a foresight occurs, and leaving it to pure chance is like grasping a loose rope in hopes that it is tied to something somewhere as you take the leap. Maybe Hanneman will make more sense of it laters.

“You should have stayed with the others,” Felix says after a moment, scanning your surroundings for any sign of the enemy. It sounds more like a simple statement than an accusation. “I can handle someone like Linhardt on my own.”

“I said before, we don’t know if he’s alone. I highly doubt it.” It’s like Dimitri said before: Underestimating Byleth will surely end in casualties and defeat. You don’t consider it far-fetched that she has sent a non-magic class with Linhardt, but who that will be is left to be determined.

“No matter how many accompany him. Be it two or three or all of them, I will take them down.”

“It takes more than one person to win a war.” Though you don’t doubt Felix might try it by himself anyway. “You’ll notice soon enough that you will rely on your comrades.”

“I will rely on them as long as they don’t get in my way.”

“So charming,” you mumble to yourself as you two round a mound. It really is none of your business, but you're actually curious about what is going on between him and Dedue. The moment you finish outweighing the pros and cons of trying to go down that rabbit hole, the air around you changes, barely noticeable save for a change of wind—it completely stills for a second, but that is enough to realise what’s happening.

“Felix—” you manage before the Nosferatu explodes in front of you, knocking you to the ground. Before the mock battle, all magicians were instructed to weaken their spells; no lasting damage should befall any of the participants. Only because of that you manage to climb back on your feet, only left with dizziness that makes the world spin. The jarring sound of metal clashing against metal clears your mind a little, and when you turn around, Felix and Ferdinand are clashing blades.

You turn further, and there he is, a hand raised in your direction. “Sorry, Herald,” Linhardt says. He doesn’t sound sorry at all. “The professor threatened with extra homework if we would hold back against you.”

“Of course she did,” you mumble, grabbing your sword with sweaty hands. Two against two is fair, and you have no doubt that Felix will hold his ground against Ferdinand. The only solution to your little problem named Linhardt is to get as close as possible, and make use of your advantage in meagre sword skills.

Another Nosferatu is sent your way, but this time you dodge, the hair on your neck standing on end. Somehow your body automatically shies away from Faith magic like a cat fleeing from water. Just one more hit will surely be enough to throw you out of the mock battle, and you can’t have that, not when the picture of Dimitri’s resolute expression is carved into your mind.

You close the distance, all nerves tensed in anticipation, completely focused on trying to feel where the next spell is going to land. As Linhardt retreats into the woods, his sight obscured by trees, you dive after him, shoving twigs out of your way. A shadow moves through the undergrowth; every muscle in your body locks up, but you plunge forward, sword raised—

Linhardt gasps when he finds himself pressed against a tree, your sword at his throat. With both hands up, he doesn’t move an inch, simply blinking at you. Somewhere above you, a bird cries out; a branch breaks. Linhardt makes a face like he jammed his foot in a door he slammed shut himself.

“I surrender,” he says. “Getting beat up and spending time in the infirmary doesn’t sound as good as reading tomes in the library.”

“You sure?” Your heart beats so loud in your chest, it’s a miracle it doesn’t break through your ribcage and fly off. “Byleth might drown you in homework for that.”

He shrugs. “I call it a strategic retreat. I’ll just have to—” A yawn. “—convince the professor.” Another yawn. You begin to see the ulterior motive behind his surrender. Squinting at him, you proceed to bind his hands with a dark spell. Black shackles appear around his wrists, locking them tight together. As you make your way out of the grove, you hope Felix had the same success.

That thought immediately dies when you return to the plain and see Jeralt heaving an unconscious Felix on the back of his horse, a battered Ferdinand by his side.

“Ah, Herald.” Even though beaten up black and blue, Ferdinand still manages a smile. It looks a little lopsided with his swollen cheek and the dried blood on his upper lip. “I don’t mean to offend, but I hope you return because Linhardt defeated you in mighty combat?” A second too late he sees the magic binds around Linhardt’s wrists. His face falls. “My, Linhardt.”

“You don’t quite look so good yourself,” Linhardt throws back without any heat in his voice. He sounds rather bored. Tired.

“Excuse me, but what happened. What’s wrong with Felix?” you ask, turning to Jeralt. Before he can answer, Ferdinand chimes in, “He fought splendidly! Though I had no doubt in that, he is a noble after all. Yet, after ringing me to the ground, he lost consciousness. By my honour as the heir of House Aegir, I cannot take advantage of that. We both shall step out of battle.”

“He passed out?” Now that you take a good look at him, he’s still pale, unhealthily so. Slick sweat glues his dark hair to his forehead, and the skin beneath his eyes shimmers slightly blue—lack of sleep.

“Overexertion, I guess,” Jeralt says now. He pulls Linhardt to his side, and gives his shackles a thoughtful look. “I’ll take these three with me. You go and continue the mock battle, Herald.”

“But…” It doesn’t feel right to leave Felix alone. Even though he technically isn’t, you imagine it would be better to wake up to a friendly face.

“He’ll be fine.” Jeralt gives you a strange sideway glance. “The other brats rely on you right now, don’t they? Go to them.”

He’s right, of course. The mission isn’t over yet, and with a strong combatant like Felix missing, victory has just slipped from your grasp.

There is the meeting point. There it is, and no student from the Lion House is in sight. The minutes pass in long stretches, ticking away until it’s impossible to tell if time moves on or holds still. Holding out between the trees, you look in both directions—for your comrades and the enemy. For whatever reason, Byleth has decided not to advance to your position, and you aren’t sure what that’s supposed to mean. More minutes pass in aggravating silence, heavy and oppressing, and then—

“Herald!” Dimitri’s voice rings through the woods. Your head snaps to him, and there they are, the Blue Lions tearing through the woods, a yellow flag with a deer on it waving behind them.

“You did it!” Joy and relief spreads through you as you stumble towards them. “You guys really did it!” They shuffle around you like kittens searching for warmth, and something tight uncoils inside your chest. Is this what Byleth always feels when she’s in front of her class?

“Hilda and Claude were mighty opponents, but nothing we couldn’t handle,” Dimitri reassures, but then a shadow jumps over his features. “Unfortunately, Mercedes had to leave. We couldn’t reach her in time to step in.”

“Step in,” Sylvain repeats, muttered under his breath as he brushes red locks from his sweaty forehead. “I want to see you stepping in when Hilda swings that axe like a lunatic and not scream like a little girl.”

“Where is Felix?” Dedue inquirers, ignoring Sylvain.

Your shoulders drop. “Well, Linhardt was accompanied by Ferdinand, and while I pursued Linhardt, they fought. None of them emerged unscathed, although I feel Felix drew the shorter straw.”

“Felix?” Dimitri repeats. He sounds as if you just tried to convince him it’s going to rain butterscotch pie later. “Our Felix lost?”

“Not exactly the fight, but I’m sure his pride took a hard beating.”

“Well, that leaves four against four.” Dimitri brings a hand up to his chin, a worry crease between his eyebrows. “And they still have Edelgard and the Professor.”

“And we got the Herald and you!” Sylvain beams. “I say we wrap this up and celebrate our victory with a nice dinner and maybe some ale? How does that sound?”

“Sacrilegious.” Your voice is drier than the crisp leaves cracking under your feet. “Aren’t you too young for alcohol?”

“Too young and irresponsible,” Dimitri agrees with you, looking tired of Sylvain’s antics. “But I don’t object to a celebratory dinner.”

“That is, if we win.” Dedue reads your mind, and brings the conversation back on the right course.

“I assume the Black Eagles are holding position. They’re waiting for us,” you say, briefly checking everyone’s state. Safe for dirt and scratches, they’re still doing good, though having fought already, the Blue Lions are on a slight disadvantage. You can only hope some of Byleth’s students dropped out facing the Golden Deers.

“We shouldn’t keep them waiting then.” Sylvain winks, playing with the grip of his lance. The smile that flirts with his lips is threatening.

“Keep your guard up.” Dimitri shares a single, meaningful glance with every one of you, then leads your little group out of the forest. Whatever Byleth has planned, you hope that you’ll be ready for it.

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ayzrules · 4 years

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✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here.

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle).

And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘 As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒) Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

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youresog0lden · 4 years

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15 II Spencer Reid

Summary: It’s been 15 years since the murder of your mother so you take the day off, while back home your best friend is trying to find out what happened with the case completely forgetting that every day for the past 6 years he would come over and stay with you.

WC: 3.2k

Warnings: Angst, the mentions of death, panic attacks, the mentions of depression, ED (kinda), Murder, Stabbing, Violence, Crying, Vomit, The mentions of Heaven I think I could be wrong I might have said above. -But just in case- I used y/n but used a last name so I could make the story easier just replace it.

A/N: I definitely cried while writing this one. Please let me know what you think ! This is one of my favorites ! THIS IS NOT MY GIF

masterlist

Notes: Y/n/n = your nickname y/n = your name

Relationship: Spencer x Fem Reader (kinda)

"The song is ended, but the melody lingers on." ~ Irving Berlin

15 years ago. fif-teen. Today was the big day. I was 15 years ago. Since my mom was brutally murdered. They told us they never found the murderer. That they tried to find every piece of evidence that they could but, this person is a pro. Every year I take the night to try and help solve the case but nothing has come out of it.

"Hey Garcia." I chirped picking up the phone.

"Hey beautiful. I know it's your day off but we really need you on this case." she pleaded.

"I can't. I have to go." I say softly hanging up the phone. Every year on her death date I go to her grave to talk to her let her know that she's not alone. I tell her about everyone and everything. I tell her about Spencer. Even though if she was here now she would tell me to stop thinking about boys and that there a waster of time. I bring her her favorite flowers even though they take a week to get to me because there rainbow roses. Her favorite. She says there way to colorful reminding her of everyone of her kids, never a dull moment. So I take the day to thank her for having me for bringing me into this world. I made sure her grave was put in the Jane graveyard. I wanted her to feel at home with her mom and dad. I always leave crying but, knowing she's watching from above only makes me have hope that I will see her again. Right at the time I get up to get ready I get a call from a certain Doctor.

"Hello Dr. Reid." I joked.

"Hello Agent Jane." we laughed at the joke both of us made

"I'm waiting for you." at this point I almost immediately stopped laughing.

"Do you not know what today is?" I asked quietly.

"No. Am I supposed to?" he asked. Yes because I told you. I told you what happened. I told you the date. I told you how she was murdered but I guess you forgot.

"No never mind. Look Spencer I have to go." before he can say anything I hang up. I sit there looking at myself. Black jeans, boots, and a hoodie. I nod before grabbing my bag and the flowers leaving and a bag I packed since I was going home. I set my things down and make sure the flowers are secured. I back out of my parking lot and drive towards the highway. Hey sweetie I just wanted to let you know I love you. Please be careful tonight I love you more than anything. Her voice rang in my head like it did every year on her date. I remember getting the call in the morning after seeing it on the news. I took me months to finally get up and move around and it took me two years to finally go and see her. I was 18 when it happened. My brother was the only one home at the time.

He told me he came home from the football game to see her blood all over the house. Justin wasn't home at the time. Justin being my step-dad. He told me that she asked him to go get roses for there anniversary coming up so he did. I cried for weeks on end. I ended up being taken to the hospital because I stopped eating. I stopped taking care of myself. I couldn't physically do it anymore. I couldn't sit there in the house anymore. I ended up moving out and starting college like my mom would've wanted she was the whole reason I became a profiler I needed to find out what happened. I needed to catch this guy but, it was like he feel off the face of the earth. The case went cold and eventually everyone moved on. Even I did I was finally happy. I made family at work. Nothing could ever replace my original family but they were a close second. I made a best friend. Spencer Reid. Even though he didn't remember today I didn't blame him for it. He may have an eidetic memory but, work was one of the many things that flooded that pretty brain of his.

Eventually after being friends with him it's almost natural to develop a crush -if you will- on him. Almost like a wildfire I did. I couldn't help but love him and all of his quirks. He could make the moon smile if he tried. Hell even if he didn't try but when he did and he let out a laugh it was contagious. Everyone would laugh. He was the heart and soul of the team. His magic tricks, his lectures about why the girl and I can't have more than five shoots and three drinks when we go out. - I really think it's the dominance coming out in him - but he says he just cares about us and doesn't want us to complain to him about our raging headaches in the morning at work. Almost every year Reid would come over and help me through it. I would never actually take him to my moms grave he just stayed the night before and made sure I was okay every morning for almost six years. I hurt that he forgot but once again work probably effected that.

After what seemed to be about a three hour drive and two bathroom stops I pull into the graveyard surrounded by the Jane family church our great, great, great, great, great grandparents founded in. This is where our family was berried time after time. Taking a big breath I see the street lights surrounding the graveyard making it not look as deep and depressing. I grab the flowers and a water bottle moving out the car and into the graveyard. I take a deep breath walking and sitting down by my mom.

"Hey momma." I say softly looking down at her headstone. Cheryl Jane. Loving mother, Wife, and daughter. June 8th 1970- August 25th 2005. It's okay rest easy momma-bear you've done your work. Just at the read of that my eyes start watering. "It's been a year. A lot has happened this year. Emily has been working our asses off. It seems like cereal killers never take the time off. I miss you more than ever. I know Brantly does to. He talks about you the most. It's really hard for me to. Even though you know that. Anyway I'm sure you want to know the constant loop of my life. Well here it goes. Mom I'm in love with my best friend and he's in love with his and I know that sounds confusing but here let me explain in. He may be mine but JJ is his. I can tell by the way his eyes get big when he hears her talk or how his smile is or how he blushes as she talks but I get why shes beautiful. He's so in love with her mom and, it hurt's so bad but sometimes you have to get through the pain. Derek left. He has a kid so he went to be daddy Derek with Savannah. We have a new team member. Luke Alvez he's cool. Emily is the new unit chief. Hotch had to leave for a while. Recently it's been hard mom. I've barley been wanting to go to work in the morning knowing he isn't mine. Mom, I know that if you were here right now you'd tell me." I take a deep breath tears running down my cheeks.

"Don't worry about boys Y/N. Life is way to short. Go out start loving yourself, not guys. Because if one thing is promised in life it's you'll always have yourself. That and, that no one ever makes it out of here alive. So stop wasting time on him and, trust me I'm trying. I really am. I just need you to be here to hold me while I cry in your arms. Mom I'm 33 and I still need to cry into your arms. Mom I thought I would have you until I'm old. I didn't picture you not being here to see me graduate college. I thought you would be here to see me have the kids you always wanted to see me have. You always talked about being a grandma. I thought you could walk me down the isle as I'm getting married in your dress with our family ring seeing your smile on your face. God I miss that smile so much and what I wouldn't do to see it again. Pictures aren't enough. I don't know how long it's been since Jasmine came out here to talk to you but she's married now. To this guy his names James. I really like him. I can tell he makes her happy. There expecting. I'm going to be a godmother and a aunt. I never thought I would be this achieved in my life. The only thing is-" I couldn't stop crying. It kept coming down in waves of sadness tears escaping like no other.

"Well there's quite a few only things but the first thing is I just expected you to be here when I tell everyone the news. I used to remember running into the living room telling you how much I wanted to move to London and meet a cute English boy and have a perfect life. Well the whole boy thing isn't working. -obviously- but I got offered a job for a secret agent task force that goes undercover all around the world and helps solves cold cases from all around. I have to let them know by next week all I could think about was my family, and how if I left how hurt they would feel we've already lost so many team members but at the same time this may be exactly what I need. I would still come and visit you every year. I promise. Pinky. But I don't know I have a lot to think about on my way home. I could sleep in a hotel tonight but I just don't think I want to do that. But anyways I love you lots momma-bear more than anything. See you next year." and with that I placed the roses on her headstone standing up noticing it was starting to get dark I quickly go to my car unlocking it and placing the keys into the ignition and looking at my phone seeing as I shut it off to be more with my mom today.

4 missed call for Spence

3 missed calls from Garica

2 text from Spence. Click to open it.

So that's exactly what I did I look at the texts.

"Y/N please answer me. I know what today is I'm so so sorry I forgot."

"I'm on my way. Please just tell me your safe." I text back with a quick "It's fine. I'm already on my way home. Just leave me alone for the night please." I turn off my phone once again before heading on my way home. Leaving the busy road to much calmer ones.

"Mommy." I called out walking around the house. There I stood in a blue Cinderella dress and her clear heals with this sassy attitude.

"Yes sweetie." she laughs looking at me taking out her clunky camera and snapping a picture of me.

"Mommy can you pwease help me talk this off." my four year old eyes flashed on her. She laughs nodding her head. She helps me take off the dress leaving me in my hello kitty underwear and heals. She pulls out one of my pj sets and looks at me.

"Let's get you ready for bed. Yeah?" she says. I nod sticking my arms up. She picks me up taking me into the bathroom.

"Can we pwease use the hello kitty bubbles." I ask with puppy eyes.

"Of course my sweets." she kissed my forehead. She lets the bath fill up before putting me in there and bathing me. Kissing me on the head, the shoulder, the top of my back, the side of my head then, my nose. Every time a little laugh left my lips.

"Stop mommy it tickles." I laugh splashing the water. She gasps

"Mommy." I say sternly. She gives me a look before continuing

"Yes baby."

"I love you more than ice cream."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Then I love you more than the sun and moon combined."

As the flashbacks come back so do the tears. I pull over to the side of the road before feeling my heart crack.

"Then I love you more than the sun and moon combined."

"Fuck." I yell sitting in my car all alone. My breathing increasing in seconds my hands shaking. I can feel the urge to get out of my car and puke. But I sit there trying to call myself. It wouldn't stop her voice, the memories. I grab my phone knowing only one person could even remotely help this but deciding against it I put the phone down. I bust my car door open before falling to my knees and puking whatever I ate this morning out. I didn't stop tho I couldn't but once, I finally do I stand up and go to my car looking for a bottle of water. Finding one a few seconds later I grab my to-go bag washing my mouth and and brushing my teeth with the water I had. I get back in my car which now my hands weren't shaking as much so I was good on driving. At a red light I turn my phone on waiting for it to start back up again. When it finally does I connect it to my speaker I quickly call Spencer. The phone rings for a second before hearing the uttermost thing.

"Hello." his voice sounded shakily.

"Spence." my voice broke. Fuck really.

"Y/n/n." he sighs realizing you.

"Spence I'm almost home do you think you could spend the night tonight I don't want to be alone." I whimpered out tears sliding down my face.

"I'll be there in ten with food ready for you." he almost said instantly. I nod knowing he can't see me before hanging up and making my way down the exit.

"Mom. Get out." I complained. I was 15 and I just wanted privacy.

"Come on sweetie talk to me." she sighs.

"No. Just leave me alone." I yell.

"Don't you dare yell at me I am your mother." she was now raising her voice. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I wish you were never my mother. "

After saying those few words to her, I could see the heartbreak in her eyes. She did everything for me even when we didn't have money and it was just the two of us. Then at the time it was my mom, my sister, I and her husband Justin and his kid. I didn't mean to say it I was just mad and I always apologized for it still feeling bad for even saying it.

"I wish you were never my mother." The words were like ice. She stopped dead in her tracks. It still heart my heart when thinking about it. It still made me cry thinking about it. Which I already was but still it only increased it. I grab my bag walking into the apartment complex seeing Reid's car parked a few down from mine I knew he used the key I gave him to get into my apartment. God how much more obvious could I be. I walk to the elevator pressing the fourth floor taking my time up there. I open the door hearing his footsteps bring him into direct eye-contact. I drop my bad right by the door closing it as he held his arms open for me to walk into, so I did exactly that. I walk right into his arms. My arms latching around his neck his wrapping around my waist. I bring my head into his neck crying harder with each second the hug lasted. He doesn't say anything he just sways us back and forth letting us take in the moments. Enjoying having someones arms to cry in after a long day of crying by yourself. It felt nice knowing he was there if you needed him.

"Do you want to eat?" he asked. I nodded my head before sitting at my island. He hands me my bowl of Chinese food and takes his own setting it down on the side of me. I lay my head on his shoulder messing with my food with my fork. He notices it but doesn't say anything he just takes my hand way and holds it with his laying his head on top of mine. He took his head off mine and unlaced his hands before taking a deep breath.

"You need to go lay down you look exhausted." he says in a hushed tone.

"Can you come lay down with me." I say just as quietly.

"If you go get ready I'll clean up the kitchen then I'll come lay down with you." he says. I nod before walking a few steps forward before quickly turning around and turn into his embrace hugging him once again. I mumble a quick 'thank you.' Into his stomach.

"I love you." I say once I finally let go.

"I love you pretty girl." he says softly using my nickname he gave me a while ago when I started using the nickname pretty boy because of Morgan. I walk into my room changing into a pair of shorts and his over sized Cal-tech t-shit. I brush me teeth once again and go into my room where he has changed from his normal dress pants into his flannel pants with a hoodie on. I smile at him smally but I could tell he noticed because once I did he flashed me an award winning smile holding up his tooth brush. I laugh lightly and walk to the bed letting him get in the bathroom. He walks out and get's on his side of the bed laying into it with me.

"Y/n?" he questioned.

"Yes love."

"I heard that they think the found the killer." he says. I sit up straight.

"What-" I questioned softly

"Emily said they found a note and a dead body confessing into killing your mom." he says just as softly.

"How do we know it's him?"

"He explained in the letter details only the person who did it would know his prints were found on a weapon that looks exactly like the weapon your mom was killed with and the blade matched and everything. Then we found a recording of him and your mom talking."

"When did you find this?"

"Today." I nod.

"So it's really him?"

"Yeah. It's really him." he says. I smile softly, our eyes finally meet. He grabs me pulling me closer to him. I take this as a sign and plant my lips on his. He doesn't kiss back so I pull away just as quickly.

"I'm-I-I'm so sor-" I was cut off by his lips on my once again finally feeling at peace.

"Our Life is made by the death of others."~ Leonardo da Vinci

#spence #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid smut #mgg #mgg fanfiction #mgg x reader #mgg fic #mgg smut #derek morgan #jenifer jareau #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds #emily prentiss #luke alvez #tara lewis

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quickspinner · 5 years

Text

Out of Your League

Not really a one shot or even a full fic, I originally wrote this as a scene in one of the other fics and then I decided that, satisfying as it was, it would require too much followup and derail what I wanted to do and I cut it out, but since y’all seem hungry for some Luka vs. Lila, I cleaned it up a bit so it could stand on its own and here you go. I aim to please. <3

Luka leaned against the pillar at the bottom of the stairs, turning a guitar pick idly in his hand. The crowd thinned and then vanished. Luka frowned. Had he missed her? She wouldn’t have left him, though, not when she knew he was waiting. The door opened again and he looked up, but the girl who came out wasn’t the one he was waiting for.

“Luka! Are you waiting for Marinette?” Lila bounced down the steps, the two tails of her hair waving back and forth. “She had a little accident in the locker room and she’s probably still cleaning up her things, so she might be a minute. It’s okay though, I’ll keep you company until she gets here.”

“I can wait by myself.” His flat tone would’ve made Juleka proud.

“Aww, you punk boys get so cute when you’re in loooove.” Her singsong tone made him grit his teeth. “It’s too bad Marinette is so obsessed with Adrien. I mean, you can’t blame her. He’s rich, after all, and his dad’s a famous designer, and he’s such a gentleman,” her smile took on a cruel edge. “The perfect boy to bring home to mom and dad.”

Luka’s knuckles whitened around the pick in his hand and he disguised a deep breath as a sigh as he shifted in place. He couldn’t help scanning the sky for a flutter of darkness.

“But you know, all those things are so superficial, what really matters is that Marinette has someone that really loves her, and Adrien…” Lila smirked. “Well, Adrien just doesn’t.”

“Yeah, he seemed pretty taken with that girl he went out with, the one from his fencing class? Kagami, that was it.” He kept his expression bland but he was smirking on the inside at the way Lila’s face twisted. She recovered quickly, though.

“Yes, that Kagami, she’s hard to compete with. After all, she’s pretty and athletic, not to mention she’s got all the manners and poise someone at Adrien’s level in society needs. Like me, actually. But poor Marinette, she’d never be able to measure up to someone like Kagami. She’s so clumsy and so...full of ideas, she can’t ever keep it together. She needs someone flexible and easygoing. Someone creative that understands her weird…” Lila gestured vaguely. “Artistic fits.” She sighed, folding her hands together next to her face. “You two would be perfect for each other. If only we could get Marinette to see it.”

And there’s the hook. It might actually have been smooth, if Lila could have covered her disgust at having to speak even remotely positively about Marinette.

“You know,” she continued silkily, “I bet I could help you win her over.”

“Mmm. Purely out of the goodness of your heart, I’m sure.”

“I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for poor Marinette. She doesn’t have a chance with Adrien and seeing her moon away over him, it’s just sad, don’t you think? She deserves someone who appreciates her. She deserves someone like you. You’d be so much better for her than Adrien.”

“She deserves to decide for herself what would make her happy.”

“Exactly! I’m so glad we agree. She’ll be so much happier if she picks you!” Lila’s sly grin turned his stomach. “And so would you. All it would take is a little nudge in the right direction. I guarantee I could get Adrien to admit he doesn’t care about her. Then all you have to do is be there to pick up the pieces and voila! Happily ever after.”

Yeah, Luka could see all kinds of ways for that plan to go bad. He glanced up the stairs, wondering how bad Marinette’s “accident“ could have been to have taken her this long. “No thanks.”

Lila’s face hardened. “You realize I don’t actually need your cooperation, right? I can break her with or without you. It’d just make things easier on Marinette if you were there. It’s cruel, really, to deny her your support.”

Luka’s smile was more a baring of teeth. “It’d take more than your petty lies and name-dropping Adrien Agreste to break Marinette.”

Lila regarded him thoughtfully and a chill went down Luka’s spine. “You might be right about that.” She smirked. “But then again, maybe you’re not. I guess we’ll find out.” Before he could react she latched onto his arm and leaned up to his ear. “If you’re not going to help me, then stay out of my way, or you and your little band won’t ever play another gig in Paris.”

“Don't touch me again,” he said, shrugging her off his arm. Turning toward her put her face much to close for his liking but he stared her in the eye. “You and your fake connections can’t touch me and I’m not afraid of you. I’ve been played by way worse than you and I’m still here. And, just because you’ve been so nice to me, let me enlighten you on a couple things. You will never break Marinette. She will always get back up no matter what people like you do to knock her down. She’s so far out of your league that it’s laughable. You might make her unhappy, you might damage her reputation, you might even make her feel hopeless--for a while. Enjoy it while you can, because she’ll always bounce back.”

He faced forward again, leaning back against the pillar. “Marinette is everything you wish you could be, and now matter how far you tear her down, she’ll still be miles above you. And I’ll have her back, no matter what.”

“Luka!” Marinette called from the top of the stairs, her arms full and her clearly ripped bag over one arm. Luka pushed off the pillar and went to help her, stopping next to Lila for just a moment.

“And while we’re making threats: stay away from my sister. If I hear one word from Juleka about you, I’ll prove I can play the game as well as you can.” He shot her a smirk, and then shifted to his normal relaxed, friendly expression. “Have a pleasant walk home,” he said brightly, eyes wide and innocent.

“What was that?” Marinette asked warily when he got to her.

“Just a lot of noise,” he told her, smiling genuinely this time. “Nothing worth worrying about.”

#lukanette #i am lukanette trash i admit it #miraculous ladybug #miraculousladybug #lukacouffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #lila rossi #quickspins #all that remains

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thenextchapter22 · 4 years

Text

Visiting New York

Description: Crossover crack fic with The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters featuring Jace and Alec and Magnus and all the Demon Brothers.

Warnings: None! This is pure fun :)

Pairing(s): None!

Word Count: 1,636

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Author’s Notes: I originally got inspiration from a post here, but I cannot find it :(

_+_

It was a full moon night in New York City. The time was nearing 2 in the morning, and it was cool, crisp, and totally silent aside from the occasional car alarm or shout from some drunkard stumbling home.

Jace and Alec were out on their usual route. Nothing interested was happening, for a Tuesday at least. A few minor demons and a couple mundanes waltzing by stinking of booze. Just a normal, average, totally normal night for the parabatai.

“HEY HEY HEY! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A PEEK INSIDE! I WON’T STEAL, I SWEAR!”

“Keep your voice down, you fool.”

The pair glanced across the street. A group of men all dressed strangely for 2 a.m. stood in front of a store front window for expensive jewelry. While they were not the police, Jace and Alec still wouldn’t tolerate theft.

So they strolled across the street, expecting them not to notice as they were glamoured. But all of them, except for the one with a phone glued to his face, turned to look at them. That’s when Alec knew they were up to no good. And that they were not actually humans. Not that that meant they were evil, Alec was in love with a warlock after all. But when you heard the words ‘steal’ and saw 7 guys practically casing a store at night something was definitely wrong.

He raised his bow at them with an arrow ready to fire at any second, and Jace in turn his seraph at the other half Alec wasn’t aiming at. “Downworlders, what are you doing?” he asked in a deep threatening tone.

“Humans, what do you want?” the dark haired and red eyed demon in a fur coat (the only clothes that really made sense in this freezing cold) asked sarcastically.

Jace sneered. “He asked you a question. So answer it.”

He raised his brows, but kept his smile. Which was not very friendly. “I am not a ‘Downworlder;. We prefer the term ‘Demon’.”

Like that was any better.

Jace stumbled a little as the demon with the most feminine look, one would call him pretty rather than handsome, pranced to stand next to him and inhale before eyeing him up and down. “Ooohhh! You are so BEAUTIFUL and smell divine! I want to. Eat. You. Up! And these clothes, so sexy and tight, hnng~”

Jace flushed when his gaze went to his pants, and the demon licked his lips. He felt his hand shaking a little around his sword. This was worse than when Magnus flirted with Alec for the first time.

“Come on, don’t you want to have some fun together?” he asked, fingers tracing the air above Jace’s arm.

While Jace was being flirted with by the pretty demon, Alec was staring down the others.

“Where is the food? I’m so hungry.” The tall red head asked. His orange eyes looked so sad like someone kicked a puppy, and he held his stomach with one large hand.

“Most places are closed.” Alec felt almost bad for saying it because the demon looked even more upset.

The white haired demon’s eyes widened as he maneuvered right in front of their weapons, shocking the Shadowhunter at the bold move. “Woah, that sword looks like it’d go for a lot of grimm! Same with that bow thingy.”

Alec was stunned. Then the dark haired demon grabbed him and yanked him back by his clothes and started scolding him like a kid while holding him up off the ground, and Alec just shook his head and focused on someone else while that happened.

He looked at the demon with a phone that illuminated his face. Why was he glued to his phone? Was he texting some of their friends for help?

The demon was mumbling while frantically tapping and tilting his phone. “Gah! Stupid—no, left, left you normie!”

Then the purple haired one looked up and found Alec’s eyes with his own. He blushed, made an ‘eep’ noise, and hid his face even more. So, probably the least threatening of the seven.

Alec kept his bow facing towards the others. Mostly they seemed fine with weapons turned on them. The white haired demon kept going on about selling their stuff now that he was free, the blonde was unmoving and glaring them down with his arms crossed like the red-eyed demon. Jace was still handling the ‘pretty’ demon who kept speaking flirtatiously with him. The large red head said nothing, just kept holding his belly and looking around like food was going to appear. And the last one was…

Alec frowned. “Why is he holding a pillow and… is he sleeping?” Impossible, really, as he was standing up!

The hungry demon who stood next to the demon with a cow pillow to his chest smiled sheepishly. “He’s tired a lot.”

Alec jumped when Jace made a shocked noise and he shot his eyes over to see what happened. Jace was gaping at the demon, who looked super upset, and Alec could see a pink smudge on his parabatai’s cheek. Did the demon kiss Jace? He knew the look of lipstick or gloss from Magnus doing such things.

Alec was very confused at what was going on.

“Hmph! Not another one, this is just not fair! I always want the prettiest human and they always turn out to be unaffected by my charms,” the pretty one pouted, crossing his arms and looking very disappointed.

“Charms?” Jace asked, coming out of his stupor. “What kind of charms?”

The blonde with a permanent scowl on his face seemed annoyed with each word that came out of their mouths had decided to speak. He didn’t look directly at them, instead looking at his fingernails. It was very rude honestly. “He means his charms, his powers to attract any human into being with him.”

Jace stuttered. “Wh-what—b-but I—I’m straight!”

Asmo winked. “So was everyone else, honey~” He giggled.

Jace looked at Alec then. They knew why it wasn’t working. Because of Valentine’s experiments and Jace’s mixed blood.

The fur-coated demon hummed and looked between the two of them, arms crossed. “Well, it’s obvious we have a pair of hunters in our midst. And this one,” he said, pointing at Jace, smiling small without any real facial movement, “has pure angelic blood running through him.”

All the demons, except the blonde with a scowl and the one on his phone, made shocked sounds.

“I’m starving, can we get some food now?” the red head asked again, totally interrupting the tense atmosphere.

Alec made a super frustrated noise, and he saw who he had now deemed their ‘leader’ hide a chuckle himself.

Enough was enough.

“Are you here to hurt anyone or anything?”

“No.” The ‘leader’ confirmed. Again, speaking like they were playing a game.

“And are you planning on stealing anything?” Alec asked, watching the leather jacket wearing demon who was mumbling about ‘grimm’.

“We are not.”

Alec sighed. “Okay, fine.”

“Are we off the hook then, humans?” the leader asked.

“Yes, fine. But I have a few questions—”

“Luccciffeeerrrr~ I want to go inside, it’s freezing! At least lend me your coat!”

Jace and Alec both froze in spot.

“Lucifer?” Alec repeated, looking at the dark haired demon. “That is your name?”

“Lucifer Morningstar. Pleased to meet you.” He grinned, and it was all teeth and not ‘pleased’ at all. “And these are my brothers,” he said, gesturing to each as he said their names. “Mammon, Satan, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Belphegor, and Asmodeus.”

The Seven Lords of Hell.

What has this Tuesday turned into?

Lucifer, the avatar of Pride, seemed to stand a foot taller then. Or maybe it was the revelation of who exactly they were. He looked down at Alec and asked, “What sort of questions did you have?”

Alec felt his throat close up, and he cleared it quickly. “I just want to know what you are doing here.” Why did his voice seem so small and quiet compared to his?

“We are visiting a human friend. They recently moved to the city.”

“A friend?” Alec asked, confused. What human would be a friend with these seven demons?

Jace spoke up. “You do know it’s almost 3 in the morning. Unless they work night shift, they’re probably asleep.”

“We were unaware of the change in address until recently.”

Alec sighed. This was tricky. Either he could let these seven demons roam free, or he could keep an eye on them. It was obvious, really, when said plainly like that. If he let them go, it would be Hell on Earth.

“Well, I can see about getting you some rooms to sleep in for the night, I suppose.” Alec found it better to be friendly with them than cause more trouble. After all, these were… the seven avatars of sin in his city.

“Hang on, let me call my boyfriend.” He took out his phone and dialed.

“Oooh, I did not see that coming~ Just kidding, I totally did,” Asmodeus chuckled.

Alec resisted rolling his eyes. He, unlike Jace, did not have special blood, and would be affected by the charms of this demon.

“I hope they’ll have good food.”

“Hopefully internet and a charger cause my phones dying! Ah, this is terrible! I was just about to win!”

Alec tuned out their complaints. They seemed like teenagers, really. It was crazy to him. “Hey Mags. Can we make room for seven tonight?”

After a quick conversation and a ‘I love you’ at the end, to which a couple demons gagged (Mammon and Satan), he said, “Okay, you can stay with us. Magnus can make room, he’s a warlock.”

Asmodeus gasped. Then, with words to shock after everything that had happened, he screamed with joy, “MY SON!”

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 5 years

Text

Taking Back Neverland--Chapter 7 of 10

Pairing: Captain Swan

Rating: G or a soft T

Summary: AU. After actress Emma Swan’s lead role in a popular TV show is at an end, she is offered the leading role in the Regina Mills film, Taking Back Neverland, a fresh retelling of the Peter Pan story. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Only problem? She’ll be starring opposite Killian Jones, who she positively can’t stand. (Originally part of my Fluffy Fridays collection.)

Previous chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

Notes: So this is an old story, originally written about 3 years ago as part of my Fluffy Fridays collection, but @kmomof4 made the amazing above pic-set for it as a birthday gift, (Thanks Krystal! It’s perfect!), and I decided it was time for a reissue. Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Somehow, she wasn’t entirely sure how, Emma made it through the rest of filming that week. Things were…awkward at best between her and Killian. She saw him shooting her looks. He wanted to talk to her about “the incident”, as she’d termed it in her mind, she knew that well enough. He’d even tried to bring it up a time or two.

After the third time she’d bluntly walked away the moment things started getting anywhere close to serious, he’d finally taken the hint and stopped bringing it up.

It didn’t stop the way he looked at her, though. Even Regina commented on it, rolling her eyes and muttering something about “yearning looks and doe-y eyes”.

Emma got in her yellow bug on Friday night and let out the breath she hadn’t remembered she was holding. TGIF. She needed the weekend like air. She needed a chance to…process all the crap from this week. She needed a breather from Mr. Lovesick Pirate. She just needed to be away from it all.

Not that the rest of the week had been bad, per se. They’d filmed a couple of romantic scenes: the scene in the echo caves where Hook admitted to Anna that he was falling in love with her and the scene where he vowed to win her heart, and those had been a bit…awkward, but other than that, she’d enjoyed the scenes she filmed this week.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. There was also that scene in Dark Hollow where Pan’s shadow almost killed Hook and Baelfire. That one had left Emma utterly drained. It had taken her a while to get into the proper mindset for the scene. It was just hard to dredge up the appropriate amount of panic when your scene partners are standing on platforms against a green screen, just thrashing around and yelling at nothing.

She’d closed her eyes, tried to imagine someone she cared for in mortal danger, the feelings that would be coursing through her in that situation, but it was easier said and done. The truth was, the only way she was able to dredge up the appropriate amount of panic was thinking about Killian being killed. She imagined him being stabbed in the back by David. She imagined him with a huge, gaping wound in his neck, bleeding out. She imagined being forced to run him through with a sword herself.

It was after that last one that she was able to summon enough panic as she called Hook’s name to satisfy Regina.

Emma didn’t want to think about what that said about her.

Well, she didn’t need to. She was headed for the weekend; a weekend where she could totally forget a certain piercing-eyed, smoldering pirate even existed.

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

Sunday night David and Mary Margaret had Emma over to their house for dinner. Emma had, at first, flat out refused to come, remembering the last time Mary Margaret had asked her to dinner, which had resulted in a one-on-one meal with Killian.

But Mary Margaret had absolutely assured her she would be their only guest. She’d further said there was something she and David wanted to tell her, and had sounded so dejected at Emma’s rejection, that Emma had finally relented.

When she’d arrived at the Nolans’ around four o’clock Sunday afternoon, both her brother and sister-in-law were busy in the kitchen, the smell of roasting chicken filled the air. Emma’s mouth watered at the scent.

Emma let herself into the house with her spare key, and from the look of things, David and Mary Margaret hadn’t heard her come in. They stood impossibly close together at the kitchen counter, punctuating their chopping of vegetables with tenderly murmured words and smiles. It made Emma unaccountably sad to see their closeness, their obvious love. Don’t get her wrong, she was happy for her brother and sister-in-law and their happiness, but…well, she’d never have that, never let herself have that, and sometimes…sometimes she just felt lonely.

When David leaned in for what was obviously going to be the kind of kiss that would scar Emma for life, she decided it was definitely time to let her presence be known. She cleared her throat, and David and Mary Margaret jumped apart, clearly startled.

“Oh, Emma!” Mary Margaret said, “we didn’t hear you come in!”

“Yeah,” Emma said dryly. “I could see that.”

Mary Margaret smiled. “Can I get you something to drink? We’re just finishing up the veggies. I’ll get these guys in the oven to roast, and then dinner will be in about an hour.”

Emma shook her head. “No thanks; I’m good for now. Smells great in here. I always love it when you invite me to dinner; whatever you cook is always amazing.”

Mary Margaret blushed slightly, shrugging. “I like doing it. I like taking care of my husband and family. Besides, when I’m the one to do the cooking, I can almost always guilt David into offering to do the dishes.”

“Hey!” David said with a mock scowl. “I’m standing right here!”

Emma laughed, noting how incredibly happy the two of them seemed today. They were always happy together, but there seemed to be something…extra…today. She wondered why.

“You two seem to be in good moods today,” Emma said, filching a carrot stick from Mary Margaret’s veggie tray. “Any special reason?”

The two of them looked at each other, their smiles growing impossibly wider. Finally, Mary Margaret reached for her husband’s hand and then turned back to Emma. “As a matter of fact there is. That’s why we wanted to invite you over tonight; we wanted to tell you the news.”

“We’re expecting!” David cut in. “In just under seven months, there’ll be a bouncing new baby Nolan in the world!”

“Really?” Emma asked with a smile. “It finally happened? That’s great! I know how long you guys have wanted a kid!”

Mary Margaret stepped forward and hugged Emma. “I know! We’re over the moon! Just found out a couple of weeks ago. We’ve decided to wait until I cross the twelve-week mark to make it public to the rest of the world, but I just couldn’t wait any longer to tell you!”

Emma hugged her sister-in-law back. “I’m really happy for you both. This is one lucky kid to have the two of you as parents. And, of course, it goes without saying that Aunt Emma is going to spoil the little guy or girl like crazy.”

“I know!” Mary Margaret said. “I am so excited! I can’t wait to get started on the nursery, and find all the cute little baby clothes and everything else. I’m hoping Granny at the diner will offer to knit the baby a blanket! Her blankets are the best. Oh, and you know that other night? I know you thought David and I were just trying to matchmake when we left you with Killian, but I really was sick! Let me tell you, ‘morning sickness’ is the most misleading name ever! It should be called ‘every part of the day I’m breathing sickness’. Definitely not my favorite part of being pregnant. I’m hoping…Emma? Is everything okay?”

Emma realized she’d looked away, her lips turning down in a slight frown. Mention of Killian and that dinner…well, it brought back all the stress and awkwardness of the past week’s filming, and she just…she just wanted the confusing feelings to stop.

“Yeah,” she said, forcing a falsely-bright smile on her face. “Just great!”

It was obvious she hadn’t remotely convinced her perceptive sister-in-law. Mary Margaret shot her husband a significant look, and David muttered something about wanting to see what was going on in the game, making a hasty exit.

“Now,” Mary Margaret said, as soon as it was just the two of them, “I think we both know that’s not true. Your face fell as soon as I mentioned Killian. This is me, remember? Your old roommate. I know when something’s bothering you. Anything you want to talk about?”

Emma was silent for a moment, but finally sighed, dropping into a chair at the kitchen table. Maybe it would be best to get this off her chest. Maybe if she just…talked about it, she could make this confusing mix of feelings within her go away—attraction, the kind of excitement that accompanies a new crush, fear, dread.

“I kissed him,” Emma said finally.

Mary Margaret took a deliberate sip of her tea, clearly trying to appear casual. “Um…who?” she asked.

“Killian,” Emma said. “I kissed Killian.”

“Well, yes,” Mary Margaret said slowly. “That was, after all, what the script called for.”

“No,” Emma said, fighting the panic threatening to well up. “I mean..yes, that’s when it happened, but…but it wasn’t just the script. I…I was really kissing him, and he was really kissing me back!”

“Oh,” Mary Margaret said, “well…why?”

“I don’t know!” Emma said, getting to her feet and starting to pace. “At first, I just wanted to get it over with, and then I just…wanted to see what kissing him would be like and, I don’t know! It’s been a while?”

“Did it…mean anything?”

The question made Emma’s heart race, the fear coming fast and hard. “No!” she insisted a bit too vehemently. “It was just a kiss! It couldn’t mean anything!”

Mary Margaret was silent for a moment. Finally she patted the chair beside hers. “Emma, have a seat.”

After a moment, Emma did as she was told. “If this is going to be another one of your patented ‘love is worth it and you have to hold on to hope’ speeches, you know you’ve already used them all on me, right?”

Mary Margaret smiled. “Well, it’s a good thing, then, that that’s not what this is.”

“Okay…so what is this?”

“Emma,” she said gently, “that kiss wasn’t nothing, and you know it.”

“What?” Emma squeaked, “of course it was! It was…”

“No Emma,” Mary Margaret said with a gentle shake of her head. “I know you! You never would have brought it up if it was nothing. You’re running scared; I see it in your eyes. You’re terrified if you let down those walls, Killian will hurt you, and you know what? I can’t promise he won’t; no one can.”

“Is this supposed to be a pep talk?” Emma asked dryly.

“Absolutely! But that’s not the pep talk part. It’s coming up. I know what Neal and Walsh did to you. I know what absolute scum-of-the-earth losers they were! I know those experiences make it hard to move on, but just think about something, alright?”

“Okay, what do you want me to think about?”

“Don’t let them keep hurting you,” Mary Margaret said gently. “Don’t let the terrible things they did to you keep festering forever. Don’t let them rob you of the amazing happiness you could have—whether it’s with Killian or with someone else. I can promise you from personal experience with your brother that knights in shining armor still exist.”

~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~c~s~

Killian sighed as he slid into the usual booth at the Big Bad Wolf. He was the first one there; Dave and Robin must be held up in traffic. Signaling the waiter, he ordered a shot of rum, and then turned to stare out the window. It was a beautiful night. Warm for autumn, the leaves just beginning to turn.

Too bad he couldn’t enjoy it as he’d like. Much as he enjoyed evenings with the lads, this weather was tailor made for a romantic stroll with one’s sweetheart.

If only his own sweetheart weren’t so blasted insistent on avoiding him like the plague.

The only time the lovely Miss Emma Swan would so much as speak to him was when they were performing and she had no choice.

Was he truly such loathsome company? Had that kiss truly been so terrible for her that she could no longer even stand to look at him?

Because for him, it had been the farthest thing from terrible. It had been all he’d imagined and so much more. It had been life-changing—in a very literal way. The kiss exposed something he would have never expected. Finally, finally after years of pain and regret he could put Milah in the past. Though there’d likely always be a place in his heart for his first love, that kiss had shown him that a new love had entered his heart.

A love that delighted and frustrated him in equal measure. How was a man to react when the object of his love wanted nothing to do with him?

Robin and David walked in, talking and laughing, distracting Killian briefly from his brooding. “You lot appear to be enjoying yourselves,” he said glumly.

“Yeah, it’s been a good day,” David said, “you, on the other hand, my friend, look like hell.”

Killian quirked his brow. “I’ll have you know my fans waiting outside the studio this afternoon assured me I’m as devilishly handsome as ever.”

Robin snorted a laugh. “Did the masses catch you this time, mate?”

Killian grinned, shaking his head. “I’ll say one thing for your fiancée. She’s found a hell of a security firm. Bloody convenient when you’re in no mood to smile and give autographs.”

David shot him a suspicious look. “Seems there are a lot of bad moods going around lately. Emma was certainly feeling none too pleased at dinner yesterday. Anything you need to tell me ‘mate’?”

Killian rolled his eyes. David was a good man, a good friend, but from time to time he was more protective than a Rottweiler. “If you’re not so subtly asking if I caused your sister pain, the answer is no—at least not purposely.”

“From her reaction to your scenes today,” Robin said, taking a swig of his beer that the waitress had just brought him, “I’d say you caused her anger rather than pain.”

“Picked up on that too did you?” Killian asked dryly. “What gave it away? Was it the fact that she won’t willingly say two words to me outside of shooting or the very clear gusto with which she performed today’s scene where Anna lays into Hook and Baelfire for fighting over her and almost getting us all killed?”

“Both. Assuredly both.”

Killian sighed again. “We were getting along quite nicely until we filmed that bloody kiss!”

“What happened with the kiss?” David growled.

“It was real,” Killian said. “That was no stage kiss, Dave. For either one of us. Clearly she regrets what happened between us, and I haven’t a clue how to restore our relationship.”

David’s face turned even more forbidding. “I think it’s time you and I have a little talk about your intentions toward my sister, Killian.”

Killian shot him an amused look. “That’s a bit old-fashioned even for me, mate, and I play a man who still pays with doubloons.”

“Maybe so,” David said stubbornly, “but I know your reputation. I know about all the women you’ve cavorted with in the past few years.”

“Aye,” Killian said, turning serious. “Perhaps I did like to keep company with the ladies in the past, but I assure you, I wouldn’t spend so much time pursuing a relationship with a woman I see merely as loot.”

David continued to stare daggers at him for another moment, and then he nodded. Picking up his own mug of beer, he took a long sip before speaking again. “So you’re interested in a relationship, are you?”

Killian nodded. “That kiss…I never believed I could get over my first love, my Milah. That is until I met Emma.”

David clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s great! You’ll be good for her!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Dave,” Killian said, with a dubious shake of his head. “It takes more than one person’s interest to make a relationship. Your sister seems to want nothing to do with me.”

To Killian’s surprise, both his mates began laughing. Uproariously.

“You think she doesn’t like you?” Robin asked, wiping at the tears in his eyes. “Killian, even that dog the on-set shrink brings to set can see the way she looks at you. Definitely not unaffected by your charm, that one!”

“I’ll second that,” David said. “Did you ever watch her TV show, Killian?”

Killian furrowed his brows. “Aye; what does that have to do with anything?”

“Did you happen to catch her more romantic scenes with the sheriff?” David went on. “The director on set insisted those love scenes be so passionate they got right up to the line of what they were allowed to show on network television.”

“Aye. What of it mate?”

“Just this,” David said. “I was on set with her from time to time; watched her film. Although, let me tell you, watching your sister film scenes like that…not fun. Not fun at all. Do you know what happened when the director yelled ‘cut’?”

“I haven’t a clue.”

“She and Graham Humbert stepped away from each other and immediately went back to their normal talking, laughing, friendly colleague relationship. No awkwardness, no blushing. Making out with the sheriff was just her job, and it meant nothing because all she felt for Graham was friendship. If she’s reacting that strongly to your one on-screen kiss, that speaks volumes about the fact that she’s anything but indifferent to you.”

“Is that truly what you believe?” Killian asked, hardly daring to hope.

“How much do you know about Emma’s past?” David asked.

“She told me a bit about Neal and Walsh.”

David nodded. “Then you understand a little bit. She’s been hurt badly, but it wasn’t only what those sons of bitches did to her. You know, she was in the system for years before my mom adopted her. She’s told me a few stories about her experiences in foster homes, and let me tell you. They’re far from pretty. Some of the things her foster parents did to her…well, I’ll just say you do not want the details. Anyway, the point is, from birth, Emma’s learned that you can’t trust people; you can’t let yourself care for them. They’ll only hurt you.”

“And so she doesn’t trust in the sincerity of my affection for her?” Killian asked.

“I doubt it,” David said, shaking his head. “And even if she senses you do mean it…I know Emma. She’s wondering just how long you’ll stick around. She’s wondering how soon it’ll be before you break her heart too.”

Killian’s own heart broke at the picture Swan’s brother painted for him. This poor lost girl, starving for love, being abandoned, betrayed, sent away again and again. No wonder Emma was afraid to trust him.

“So what do you suggest I do, mate?”

“Stick around,” David said simply. “Show her you’re in this for the long haul. Maybe give her a little space; show you do care about her boundaries, but make it clear as well that you’ll always be there for her when she needs you.”

For the first time all day, Killian really truly smiled. “I can do that. It would, indeed, be my very great pleasure.”

#cs ff #cs au ff #my fanfiction #taking back neverland #reruns

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mortaljin · 6 years

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BTS Fanfiction Recommendations!

These are some of my very, very favorite fics (like the ones I go and message the authors about). I follow hundreds of blogs so it’s hard to keep up with which fics I’ve read (I stopped tagging them at some point?) so there are probably dozens more. All I will say is that if a writer is tagged here, the rest of their writing is well worth looking at too.

Thank you, Writers, for everything you do.

SERIES

Seokjin

Stigma; @eris0330 [COMPLETED]

(Seokjin x reader, text au)

As part of Jin’s lifestyle, he is meant to be walking in his father’s footsteps. Even before being born, the LV CEO had big plans. Jin will do everything to please his father’s wishes of finding a partner, and take over the company. But it’s not for the company’s sake, it’s for the secrets that lies within the family business.

Eros; @kpopfanfictrash

(Seokjin x Reader)

In the futuristic world of Europa, Queen Venetia rules her land an iron fist. None are more feared than the Akeran, an alien race Earth fought eons ago, who bear a remarkable similarity to the angels of lore. When you find yourself at odds with the Queen, it seems there’s no safe place on Earth for you to hide. Nowhere but with your mysterious rescuer, and even he may be more trouble than he’s worth.

Yoongi

A Wish Out of Water; @jimlingss [COMPLETED]

(Yoongi x Reader)

A genie could solve all your problems. Though you wouldn’t even know exactly what to ask for - money, a warmer house, a better job, a better life? But Min Yoongi is no ordinary genie. He’s here to make your life a living hell. Too bad it was hell to begin with.

Suga Daddy; @drquinzelharleen

(Yoongi x Reader)

Yoongi gives you an offer you can’t refuse.

Inheritance; @rbuns [COMPLETED]

(Yoongi x Reader)

After your grandmother passed she left everything to you. Her house, her fortune, and apparently… her cat? The grumpy male hybrid you encounter at her house is anything but the tame housecat you’d expected to find. Fulfilling your grandmother’s last request to look after him becomes a lot harder when he seems to be avoiding you, and your dissatisfied relatives start stirring up trouble.

Di Piano e Forte; @justoneday-namjoonii

(Yoongi x Reader)

Piano; A keyboard of cypress, played with soft and loud. Was it the ivory and onyx keys that let you escape from your reality…Or was it the man with sable hair and ivory skin.

Hoseok

Heartbeat; @joonbird

(Hoseok x reader)

You’ve always stayed far away from the Kingsnakes, the coldblooded gang that runs the dark heart of your city. That is until your life collides with the intriguing and dangerous Jung Hoseok.

Transference; @jeonjagiya [COMPLETED]

(Hoseok x Reader)

During a routine visit to the local bakery, you stumble upon an intriguing business card and figure, what the hell.

Written On Our Veins; @army-author

(Hoseok x Reader)

You and Hoseok are sick of spending the holidays soulmate-less while your friends enjoy Christmas as couples… tired of waiting for fate to make a move, you decide to take matters into your own hands.

Namjoon

Amor Fati; @sugaroons

(Namjoon x Reader)

you’re still settling into your life back at university when you meet kim namjoon. he’s so perfect—sweet, awkward, and exactly your type, especially in bed—that you know there has to be a catch.

Jimin

I’ll Never Be Her; @anon-luv

(Jimin x Reader)

You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his.

Little Bear; @b-angst-tan

(Jimin x Reader)

You’ve always wanted a hybrid. Not truly being able to afford one makes it seem impossible that you’d have one anytime soon. Until the opportunity presents itself as if by miracle.

Taehyung

Crimson; @idolxreader

(Taehyung x Reader)

Kim Taehyung disrupts your day-to-day life to make a deal with you.

Sugar daddy au.

Jungkook

Wanted; @rbuns [COMPLETED]

(Jungkook x Reader)

You were a deserter, a renegade, a wanted “criminal”. It was never in your plans to crash land on that planet, and it most certainly wasn’t in your plans to fall in love with it’s handsome ruler.

Blackjack; @kpopfanfictrash

(Jungkook x Reader)

Bangtan is one of the most vicious mafias on the west coast. Only six members are known by name though, with a mysterious seventh member dubbed only as ‘the shadow.’ When you become indebted to the worst of the worst – how, exactly can you find a way out?

OT7

Tales of Greyria; @cutaepatootie [COMPLETED]

(Jungkook/Taehyung/Jimin/Hoseok/Yoongi x reader pairings)

Five stories that took place during the great times of a kingdom named Greyria, telling us about its glory and its downfall. How it all started with a red rose, and ended with a burning fire.

I just finished this and guys. Just go read it.

The Lonely Hearts Club; @cinnaminsvga [COMPLETED]

(?? x Reader)

social media au where y/n and yoongi are mutuals but they’re constantly at each other’s throats for reasons unknown (aka emotional constipation)

Call Me Mistress; @jeonjagiya

(ot7 x OC, not a poly au.)

A collection of stories recounting the titillating work of the dome known only as the Mistress.

Note: This was originally written as a reader insert and recently changed to an OC. It is still so worth reading, and I can guarantee you guys will have seen the Mistress as an OC anyways!

Working Man Bangtan; @jeonjagiya (I love all her stuff too)

(OT7 x Reader, not a poly au.)

A collection of stories where the leading man has a working class occupation.

Golden Goddess; @angel-ofcolordeactivated20180104

(?? x Reader)

You were stolen, swept away in the depths of the night by Park Jimin, the cruel king of the fairies. He’s always seen you as a prize– as something to play with rather than a person, and now he’s finally got his hands on you. He’s captured you, taken you off to a different world and stripped away any inch of your former self. Will you ever manage to escape his grip?

Tales From The Land of Fae; @fireheart-namjoon

(OT7 x Reader, not a poly au.)

A compilation of tales from the four courts of fae: Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring.

Note: This is the masterlist of all the related aus. The Winter Court is the main series of this story line.

Sweeter than sweet; @gimmesumsuga

(Jimin x Reader primarily, smut involving multiple other members)

You would have never expected someone like Park Jimin to notice you; he's handsome, seductive, and totally out of your league. Oh, and a vampire. You're enthralled by him from the moment you meet, addicted to his kiss and his bite, willing to do anything to be by his side - even if it costs you your freedom... and your life.

The 7 Society; multiple authors

(OT7 x Reader, not a poly au.)

Inside the grounds of the University, rumor has it there exists a secret society. One which thrives underground, comprised of seven individuals; each of whom is only to be revealed upon the hour of their death. The Society is enigmatic, seductive and wealthy beyond belief. There is only one rule, which must by strictly adhered to.

Don’t tell.

Soul Meiteu; @bang-tan-bitch

(OT7 x Reader, literally just fluff?? <3)

Your night at a concert turns into a dream come true experience. All you have to do, is take his hand.

Trust Nobody; @softjeon

(Taehyung x Reader, OT7 x Reader)

The first thing someone should know about you is that you’re an escort. Yes, you have fucked for money. One day your boss made you an offer you couldn’t say no to. One year - seven boys. One rule: never fall in love.

Endgame; @oppamansae

(?? x Reader)

In chess, winning is everything – unfortunately, it is never easy. Y/N knew that as soon as she was ordered to assassinate the ruler of Seoul’s wealthiest mob empire, Park Jimin. The real question was: would she be able to survive this twisted game, all while keeping her identity a secret?

Bound; multiple authors [COMPLETED]

(OT7 x Reader, not a poly au.)

In a world where marriage isn’t by choice and love isn’t an option – will you ever find happiness? Or just continue to search?

Too Sweet; @justoneday-namjoonii

(OT7 x Reader, not a poly au (?),)

-Vampire!au BTS

ONE SHOTS

Seokjin

Long Live The King; @remembeo

(Seokjin x Reader)

Long live the King, and may he reign forever more.

Currents; @bread-jinie

(Seokjin x Reader)

Jin thinks he’s loved you since the moment he saw you, back when you were teenagers; Jin knows he’s been in love with you, the soul burning kind of love, since he saw you on your wedding day. He doesn’t mind that you don’t reciprocate on his level, he’s just happy to show you he cares. Until one day, he simply can’t anymore. Until one day, you realize you need to show him you care, too.

Golden Boy; @kpopfanfictrash

(Seokjin x Reader)

The golden boy of the porn industry, prettier than half his female co-stars. Will sue if you pull his hair. Always bothering his neighbors with pizza delivery.

Note: This is multi-author series. Masterlist here.

Yoongi

Lost Stars; @taegih

(Yoongi x Reader)

-Enemies to lovers au

Smoke; @army-author

(Yoongi x Reader)

You have full moon eyes, and Yoongi wants to cheat the system.

Petrichor; @donewithjeon

(Yoongi x Reader)

You weren’t exactly sure when Min Yoongi had come into town.

Blackthorn Manor; @kpopfanfictrash

(Yoongi x Reader)

After becoming the assistant of professional recluse Min Yoongi, you begin to notice strange things. Noises which shouldn’t take place, shadows which shouldn’t move like they do. You’re almost convinced that you’re crazy - until something happens, something unbelievable to make you realize you’re not.

Hoseok

The First Eclipse; @rbuns

(Hoseok x Reader)

Hoseok reminisces on your earlier times together.

Namjoon

Iâm so sorry omg I rarely read any Namjoon stuff omg.

Jimin

20 Things (and counting) I Hades About You; @readyplayerhobi

(Jimin x Reader)

Park Jimin, also known as DJ Plouton, one of the hottest DJâs on the planet. Arrogant, sarcastic and incredibly attractive; youâd appreciate him more if you werenât convinced heâd be the death of you on a daily basis. But apparently that wouldnât matter either, because whatâs a bit of death to the God of the Underworld?

Note: I think this author is doing a greek god au oneshot for each boy!

Taehyung

Fireflies; @sugaxjpg

(Taehyung x Reader)

âThereâs no hope for people like us, sweetheart. Weâre destined to fall in love a thousand times, and have our hearts broken in each one of them. We might as well be miserable together.â

Danse Macabre; @sugaxjpg

(Taehyung x Reader)

-Vampire au

Shelter; @btssmutgalore

(Taehyung x Reader)

Taehyungâs always been a best friend, which is why you think heâs the right person to ask for help when it comes to relationships.

Sacrilege; @writingseoul

(Taehyung x Reader)

You're a sacrifice to Taehyung, the Sun God

Jungkook

Back Home To You; @kthartics

(Jungkook x Reader)

Four years after graduating from med school, and ten after a mutual break up with your high school sweetheart, he comes knocking on your window battered and bruised only for you to find out heâs quit the military and in exchange for the title of Koreaâs top mercenary but to you, heâs just a boyfriend you got together with again.

Lust and Love; @bbfairy

(Jungkook x Reader)

Your family forces you to marry a man named Park Jimin in order to gain a profit from their affluence. While preparing for the Parkâs arrival, your father hires a butler in the estate. Gradually, you fall for him. You become infatuated with his presence, unwilling to accept the marriage and Park Jimin.

Plans for Wedding Bands; @guksheart

(Jungkook x Reader)

Iâve been meaning to propose to you for ages and i have set up the perfect plan but as weâre driving to the restaurant this tiny little cat on the side of the road that youâre determind to save shows up and now everything is ruined oh god what am i gonna doâ

The Wedding Planners; @gukyi

(Jungkook x Reader + some side yoonseok)

jeon jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. then your best friend hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly jeon jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friendâs wedding. and then, as if your life couldnât get any shittier, you make the poor decision of sleeping with him on the first day of the job.

A/N: I really hope I linked these properly lol. Let me know if there are any problems!

#bts #bts fanfics #bts au #Kim Seokjin #Min Yoongi #Jung Hoseok #Kim Namjoon #Park Jimin #Kim Taehyung #Jeon Jungkook

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plotbunnyshipper · 6 years

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Book Recommendations

Instead of writing I’ve been spending my time re-reading so many of my favorites in my free snippets of time. I figure I’ll list a few in case anyone might feel the need for picking up a new book that may become one of their favorites.

Fantasy is always a favorite of mine in its many sub-genres, also first person storytelling is not a requirement but helps for immersion in the story when done well. And listing these out and going over them again it just reinforces my love of snark and sarcasm and antiheros.

I also have zero hesitation about starting a series a few books in, or in the middle and then going through everything else. (Did this with Black Jewels Series, Chronicles of the Shadow War, The Hollows). Tend to have a lot of YA in here because I grabbed lots of random when I was younger, and nowadays don’t get to read as much brand new other than new authors on Ao3.

List here (not in any sort of order), details below the cut. When the whole/most of series is fantastic I try to list the series rather than the individual book. If you see some in here that you also love and want to suggest a few not listed back at me, please feel free. Even if these aren’t ones you know or love, feel free to recommend, here or in an ask, even an anon one. I love reading, I’m not grabbing as much random published as I used to but published or online, it’s all good. I still remember the first fanfic author that I adored. To this day I’ll still go back and reread the Sailor Moon fic she wrote because it was just that good, so really. This list is by no means complete, they’re just the ones I have on my Kindle and closest bookshelf.

Chronicles of the Shadow War by Chris Claremont and George Lucas

Uprooted by Naomi Novik

Queen’s Thief Series by Megan Whalen Turner

Various throughout the designations below by Neil Gaiman

Neverveil series by Amy McNulty

The Sleeping Prince Series by Melinda Salisbury

The Sin Eater’s Daughter by Melinda Salisbury

Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard

Fairy Keeper by Amy Bearce

The Enchanted Forest series by Patricia C Wrede

The Raven Ring by Patricia C. Wrede

Anne McCaffery - Harper Hall/Pern series, Tower and Hive series, Acorna series

The Black Jewels Series by Anne Bishop

Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Three Dark Crowns series by Kendare Blake

Necromancer/Firebug Series by Lish McBride

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

The Hollows by Kim Harrison

Enchantment by Orson Scott Card

The Others Series by Anne Bishop

Georgina Kincaid series by Richelle Mead

Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips

Wicked Saga by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Antigoddess series by Kendare Blake

Night Huntress by Jeaniene Frost

Meredith Gentry series by Laurell K. Hamilton

Hunter: Thieves series by Lexi Blake

Dissonance series by Erica O’Rourke

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

The Last Girl by Joe Hart

Secondborn series by Amy A. Bartol

Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton

Beastkeeper by Cat Hellisen

A Madness So Discrete by Mindy McGinnis

VIP series by Kristen Callihan

Lonely Kings series by Ava Lore

High Fantasy

Chronicles of the Shadow War by Chris Claremont and George Lucas (Shadow Moon, Shadow Dawn, Shadow Star). Picked it up what ended up being the second book randomly at the library, not reading anything about it and was like that name, Elora sounds really familiar, and then hmmm this Thorn Drumheller seems an awful lot like Willow from the movie. Had loved the movie and was very happy to figure out that this was a ~15 years later sequel.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik - Pulled me in at the start and was a wonderful read. First Person, which I love, pulled in familiar myth and fairytale elements as well as great original elements. Same world but different characters sequel is Spinning Silver - also very good but not as good as the first. If you need additional reasons to read the author is one of the ones helping with Ao3 - “Her own adventures include pillaging degrees in English literature and computer science from various ivory towers, designing computer games, and helping to build the Archive of Our Own for fanfiction and other fanworks. Novik is a co-founder of the Organization for Transformative Works.“

“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”

Queen’s Thief Series by Megan Whalen Turner - Good god do I love an antihero. And a first person thief? It takes me back to my love of the Raven Ring. The worldbuilding, the (as much as I find the term obnoxious due to overuse in almost any story that incorporates BDSM to describe someone baiting or attempting to top from the bottom) sass, the antagonizing by the main character. It is a YA so when things happen that are ‘reveals’ later on you’ll notice them, they’re not “OMG I’m so surprised!” but it’s very, very well done. First book - Aces, second book also fantastic, third....hmmmmm would like the POV’s from the first and second books rather than this new one, but has a great scene I’ll quote below.

The Thief (Book 1)

“Are you really named after the god of thieves?” “I am.”

“Well, how could they tell what you were going to be when you were just a baby?”

“How did they know what you were going to be when you were a baby?”

“My father was a duke.”

“So my mother was a thief.”

“So you would have to grow up to be one, too?”

“Most of the people in my family thought so. My father wanted me to be a soldier, but he’s been disappointed.”

Behind us I heard Pol grunt. He no doubt thought my father’s disappointment was justified.

“Your father? He did?”

Sophos sounded so surprised that I looked over at him and asked, “Why shouldn’t he?”

“Oh, well, I mean…” Sophos turned red, and I wondered about the circulation of his blood; maybe his body kept an extra supply of it in his head, ready for blushing.

“What surprises you?” I asked. “That my father was a soldier? Or that I knew him? Did you think that I was illegitimate?”

Sophos opened and closed his mouth without saying anything.

I told him that no, I wasn’t illegitimate. “I even have brothers and sisters,” I told him, “with the same father.” Poor Sophos looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him.

The King of Attolia (Book 3) condensing down a tiny bit with the [...]’s

The king couldn’t lie on a deathbed with a sense of dignity. The attendants were all on the verge of breaking into laughter, and the king, far from minding, was enjoying every minute of it.

The queen’s lips thinned.

“I am very sorry,” the physician said helplessly.

“Stop apologizing and hurry.”

“Your Majesty, I…” Petrus looked as if he was about to cry.

Ornon spoke firmly from behind the doctor. “Your Majesty is upsetting his physician.” […] The doctor bent over the wound again. The king made a face, but was silent. The doctor looked up momentarily in astonishment but returned to his work, eager to finish before this reprieve passed.

The king lay still and made no sound. As Petrus pulled his first stitches tight, the king took a deeper breath and didn’t let it go. After a long count of ten, he softly released the breath and took another.

There were three people between Costis and the queen. Costis knocked all three of them aside like pegs in a counting game and dropped to his knees in time to catch the queen as she collapsed into his outspread arms.

He’d seen her, white as wax, from the corner of his eye and, seeing her waver, had known she was fainting, but too late to do anything but catch her.

“The queen!” someone shouted in alarm, and the king erupted like a wild animal caught in a snare. […] “My stitches, my stitches!” the physician yelled.

“Your Majesty, Your Majesty!”

“Damn your stitches!” he snarled. “Let me up.” […] He splayed his hand across the king’s face and slammed his head back hard against the pillow. Keeping his hand planted on the king’s face, he leaned over and roared into his ear, “The queen is fine!”

Eugenides was still. The men around the bed froze as well.

“Irene?” the king called.

“She fainted. That’s all,” Ornon said more quietly. “There is a great deal of blood. She is a woman and she was upset. It is not a surprising reaction.” […] On the bed, Eugenides stirred restlessly. “Upset at the sight of blood?” he said. “Not my wife, Ornon.”

“Your blood,” the ambassador pointed out.

Eugenides glanced at the hook on his arm and conceded the point. “Yes,” he said. […] “Get on with it,” said the king. He hardly seemed to notice when the stitching began. He looked toward the doorway, toward the queen, but spoke to the Eddisian Ambassador. “I think, in future, Ornon, I will stick to upsetting my physician.”

Stardust by Neil Gaiman - Lost too many copies, including my first edition of this by lending it out and never getting it back. I’m having trouble trying to say why you need to give these Neil Gaiman books a chance but goodness, all of them, all of them! I’ve never read a bad one. He’s got a beautiful and enticing way of writing - Favorites in order American Gods, Good Omens, Smoke and Mirrors (short stories), Stardust, Ocean at the End of the Lane, Coraline, The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish.

American Gods

“You working for our man then?” asked the bearded man. He was not sober, although he was not yet drunk.

“It looks that way,” said Shadow. “What do you do?”

The bearded man lit his cigarette. “I’m a leprechaun,” he said, with a grin.

Shadow did not smile. “Really?” he said. “Shouldn’t you be drinking Guinness?”

“Stereotypes. You have to learn to think outside the box,” said the bearded man. “There’s a lot more to Ireland than Guinness.”

“You don’t have an Irish accent.”

“I’ve been over here too fucken long.”

“So you are originally from Ireland?”

“I told you. I’m a leprechaun. We don’t come from fucken Moscow.”

Neverveil series by Amy McNulty - First person, great worldbuilding. Also representation of POC for the majority of characters if you’re looking for a book with that particular feature. Cyclical, fallible main characters, overall a fast and enjoyable read.

The Sleeping Prince Series by Melinda Salisbury

The Sin Eater’s Daughter by Melinda Salisbury

Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard - YA

Fairy Keeper by Amy Bearce - Loved the first of this series, not as much the following books, first one, Fairy Keeper, is definately worth the read. YA

The Enchanted Forest series by Patricia C Wrede Classic, some of my first favorites.It is a youth series but I will never ever stop loving it. Also the Magic & Malice books.

The Raven Ring by Patricia C. Wrede - the first time I remember falling in love with the antihero as a young reader. It is fantastic.

Anne McCaffery - Read Dragon Drums in 5th grade by random pickup at the library and was hooked. From there went through the other Harper Hall/Pern series, then the Tower and Hive series, then the Acorna series. A great mix of both fantasy and sci fi, and fantasy with sci fi history.

Dark Fantasy

The Black Jewels Series by Anne Bishop - it was difficult to get into this at first, for me, I owned the series for a couple years could not get into it no matter how many times I read the first chapter. Then I picked up and read one of the “short stories” more of a novella, “The Prince of Ebon Rih,” in Dreams Made Flesh. One note - ignore the names of the three main male characters. Just... I love *LOVE* this series but ‘Daemon,” “Lucivar,” and “Saetan SaDiablo” are...just ignore that and you’re good. Strong women and men, family and friends, who have a fierce love for each other, tremendous amount of snark that I adore, if only there were more books on Surreal, and Saetan, and Tersa, and Rainer, and Chaosti, and the First Circle of the Dark Court, and anyone, I would read any additional stories in this series. There are so very many passages I’d use to try and draw interest so I’ll just grab a few

Karla let out a screech that raised the hairs on Saetan's neck.

"You've got tits!" Karla pulled open the blue jacket, revealing a silver, just as skimpy top. "So do I, if you call these lovely little bee stings tits." Smiling the wickedest smile Saetan had ever seen, she turned back to him. "What do you think?"

He didn't stop to think. "Are you asking if I think they're lovely or if I think they're bee strings?"

Karla closed the jacket, crossed her arms, and narrowed those ice-blue eyes. "Sassy, isn't he?"

"Well, he is a Warlord Prince," Jaenelle replied.

Ice-blue eyes met sapphire eyes. Both girls smiled.

Karla shrugged. "Oh, all right. I'll be a polite guest." She stepped up to Saetan, and that wicked smile bloomed. "Kiss kiss."

He refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing him wince.

Yet another

"Are you lost?"

Daemon glanced over to where Lucivar leaned against a doorway. "I'm not lost," he snapped. Then he stopped pacing and sighed. "But I am very confused."

"Of course you are. You're male." Grinning at Daemon's snarl, Lucivar stepped into the courtyard. "So if one of the darlings in the coven offers to explain things to you, don't take her up on it. She'll sincerely be trying to help, but by the time she's done 'unconfusing' you, you'll be banging your head against a wall and whimpering."

"Why?"

"Because for every five rules you'd learned in Terreille about a male's proper behavior in a court, the Kaeleer Blood know only one of them—and they interpret it very differently."

Daemon shrugged "Obedience is obedience."

"No, it's not. For Blood males, the First Law is to honor, cherish, and protect. The second is to serve. The third is to obey."

"And if obedience interferes with the first two laws?"

"Toss it out the window."

Daemon blinked. "You actually get away with that?"

Lucivar scratched the back of his head and looked thoughtful. "It's not so much a question of getting away with it. For Warlord Princes, it's almost a requirement of court service. However, if you ignore an order from the Steward or the Master of the Guard, you'd better be sure you can justify your action and be willing to accept the consequences if they won't accept it, which is rare. I got into more trouble with the High Lord as my father than as the Steward."

And another

In lieu of a knock, she walloped the study door once and then stomped up to the blackwood desk where Saetan sat watching her, a glass of brandy raised halfway to his lips.

Daemon and Lucivar, comfortably slouched in two chairs in front of the desk, just stared at her.

Now that she was there, she wasn't quite as willing to address the High Lord directly, so she half turned toward Daemon and Lucivar and tossed out the question, "Don't I have the right to decide if I want a male in my bed?"

The air behind the desk instantly chilled, but Lucivar said blandly, "Graysfang?" and the air returned to normal.

The smirk in Lucivar's voice had her turning toward him fully. "I don't know about you, but I'm not used to sleeping with a wolf."

"What's wrong with Graysfang staying with you?" Daemon asked.

The soothing tone he was putting into his voice only infuriated her. "He farts," she snapped, then waved her hand dismissively. "Well, so do the rest of you."

Someone made a choking sound. She thought it was Daemon.

"Do you resent his being there because he's a wolf or because he's interfering with another kind of male warming your bed?" Lucivar asked.

Maybe it hadn't been meant as a slur that she used to be a whore, but she took it as such because then she could vent her temper on him. "Well, sugar, from where I'm standing, there's not much to choose between you. He takes up more than his share of the bed, he snores, and he gives slobbery kisses. But if I had to choose, I'd pick him. At least he can lick his own balls!"

A glass hit the desk with an ominous thunk.

Surreal closed her eyes and bit her lip.

Shit. She'd been so focused on being mad at Lucivar, she'd forgotten about the High Lord.

Different book in the series, Queen of the Darkness

“I could have handled that bastard.”

Falonar looked insulted. “It’s a male’s right to defend and protect.”

Surreal bared her teeth. “I’ve heard that song before, and-”

“Then you should heed that song, Lady - and respect it.”

“Why? Because poor little me isn’t capable of handling myself in a fight?” she said with venom-laced sweetness.

“Because you’re deadlier,” he snarled. He paced a few steps away from her, swore, paced back. “That’s why males defend, Lady Surreal. Because you females are deadlier when you’re roused-and you’re merciless when you’re riding the killing edge. At least if I go down first in a fight, I don’t have to deal with you afterward.

”Not sure if she’d just been complimented or insulted, Surreal said nothing.

Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas - First person, great worldbuilding, very very similar elements to Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels series in everything from the mannerisms, to the Illyrians vs Eryins, to the need of draining power descriptions and customs (I was 100% convinced it was Anne Bishop venturing into first person and ghostwriting an alternate version of the Black Jewels world for a long time). Didn’t care for the romantic lead in the first book, thankfully the hinting of book 1 transitioned into book 2 and <3 oh I love it. Supposedly a sort of inspired by classic fairy tales (like beauty and the beast) but it’s not like you’re sitting there reading a progression of that story like other books do. The Throne of Glass series is also very good, more original but again very Anne Bishop in it’s feel/wording (the purred words, midnight voices, the level of protectiveness bowels turned to water when terrified)

Really enjoy the series but since I posted so much of Anne Bishop I figure I’ll just do a quasi related suggestion of threesomes that I found fun and funny. Court of Wings and Ruin... for now editing to avoid spoilers

“You never know until you try,” Helion purred.

The three of them in bed...with him? I must have been blinking like a fool because [<3] said to me, Helion favors both males and females. Usually together in his bed. And has been hounding that trio for centuries.

I considered--Helion’s beauty and the others...Why the hell haven’t they said yes?

[<3] barked a laugh that had all of them looking at him with raised brows.

[<3] just came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my neck. Would you like someone to join us in bed, Feyre [...]?

My skin stretched tight over my bones at the tone, the suggestion. You’re incorrigible.

I’d think you’d like two males worshipping you.

My toes curled.

Mor cleared her throat. “Whatever you’re saying mind to mind, either share it or go to another room so we don’t have to sit here, stewing in your scents.”

I stuck out my tongue. [<3] laughed again, kissing my neck once more before saying, “Apologies for offending your delicate sensibilities, cousin.”

A Court of Frost and Starlight

If both of us went in there, I knew my sister would see it as an attack.

So it would be me. Alone

[<3] kissed my brow. “If someone propositions you, tell them we’ll both be free in an hour.”

“Och.” I waved him off, banking my powers to a near-whisper within me.

He blew me a kiss.

I waved that away, too, and slipped through the tavern door.

Three Dark Crowns series by Kendare Blake -

Urban Fantasy & Paranormal Romance

Necromancer/Firebug Series by Lish McBride - first person, hilarious, and fantastic

Hold Me Closer, Necromancer

Oh, good, he was crazy and scary. What an awesome combination. I let go of his wrists with one hand and leverages myself back enough so I could pull my T-shirt out of his grip. I dropped to the floor, knowing full well that he let me do it.

Freaks & Other Family

I tried to walk on my own to Mrs. W’s car, but Ramon got tired of watching me wobble like a baby deer and scooped me up and carried me.

I grinned at him. “Take me to bed or lose me forever.”

“I can’t believe you’re Top Gun-ing me right now. We almost died.”

“I’m going to blame the head injury,” I said, patting his chest. “You’re supposed to say, ‘show me the way home, honey.’“

“I will do no such thing, and you can’t blame it on the head injury, because you say those kinds of things to me all the time.”

“This is true. Let’s go on a crime spree then, and we’ll blame that on the head injury.”

“You can’t even walk. We need to get you home so you can rest,” Ramon said firmly.

“Yeah, so we can then explain to James how we both managed to completely rune the top-of-the-line tuxedo rentals we’re wearing.” Top-of-the-line to me. James had sneered openly at them before throwing up his hands in despair, which wouldn’t stop him from berating us. If anything, I think he’d find it more insulting somehow, and the fact that we’d ruined only semi-decent tuxes instead of really nice tuxes would just be salt in the wound.

Ramon paused as we both thought that over. Mrs. W pulled ahead of us, fishing her keys out of her clutch.

“Shit,” Ramon said. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

We both stared out into the night, silent as we contemplated our impending dooms.

“Head injury,” we both said at the same time.

“We can definitely blame the suits on that.”

“And if he doesn’t buy it,” Ramon added, “then you can just pass out again.”

“Deal.”

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

American Gods by Neil Gaiman as someone who was always a fan of Gaiman, and have been pleased with how the miniseries is doing with it’s adaptation because this has been a love since I got my my hands on it. It doesn’t hurt that Mad Sweeny’s chaotic love of fighting is personified so well by OitNB’s Pornstashe. The only thing I was dissapointed in was due to my prior knowledge of Norse Mythology and the whole “You can call me Wednesday” thing was shouting out what appeared to try and be a “reveal” towards the end. Fantastic incorporation of mythology and characterization. Just...love. Ocean at the End of the Lane is also

The Hollows by Kim Harrison - Again, couldn’t start at the start but jumping in mid series and I was in love. First Person, amazing worldbuilding

Enchantment by Orson Scott Card - very well done. Hate the male vocal reader he uses for his audio books (something about his voice grates on my nerves) but I’d suffer through to listen to this. A great twisting of various fairy tale elements into this, clever things that I wouldn’t have considered at the time of reading this. Very well done. Very.

The Others Series by Anne Bishop - Not as loved as the Black Jewels but it has some characters I’m invested in now so I’m reading any and all of the series.

Georgina Kincaid series by Richelle Mead - Main character is a succubus by contract, having to corrupt souls to fulfill her contract with Hell and none too pleased about it. I was agonizing waiting for these to be released.

Succubus Blues (Book 1)

Statistics show that most mortals sell their souls for five reasons: sex, money, power, revenge, and love. In that order.

I suppose I should have been reassured, then, that I was out here assisting with numero uno, but the whole situation just made me feel.. . well, sleazy. And coming from me, that was something.

Maybe I just can't empathize anymore, I mused. It's been too long. When I was a virgin, people still believed swans could impregnate girls.

Nearby, Hugh waited patiently for me to overcome my reticence. He stuffed his hands into well-pressed khakis, leaning his large frame against his Lexus. "I don't see what the big deal is. You do this all the time.”

That wasn't exactly true, but we both knew what he meant. Ignoring him, I instead made a great show of studying my surroundings, not that that improved my mood. The suburbs always dragged me down. Identical houses. Perfect lawns. Far too many SUVs. Somewhere in the night, a dog refused to stop yapping.

"I don't do this," I said finally. "Even I have standards.”

Hugh snorted, expressing his opinion of my standards.

"Okay, if it makes you feel better, don't think of this in terms of damnation. Think of it as a charity case.”

Wicked Saga by Jennifer L. Armentrout - First person, apparently I have a thing for snarky, territorial, hand sized coworkers in UF books.

Wicked

“Tink.” I sighed.

“Whatever. I think you should just get some action from him and kick his ass to the curb.”

My mouth dropped open. “Okay. That is the most bizarre string of advice I have ever heard. You don’t like him, but you think I should have sex with him and then get rid of him? And obviously I can’t because he’s a member of the Order.” That was the one thing I didn’t tell Tink --what Ren truly was. “You make no sense.”

“I make perfect sense. In my world, you don’t even have to like another to have sex with them. It’s all about the natural urges to get it on and...”

As Tink ranted on about the peculiars of his species’ particular mating preferences, I picked up the sugar canister and dumped a small pile of sugar on the counter.

“You just need to let those animalistic--holy brownie balls!” Tink dropped to his knees in front of the pile of sugar. He started moving the tiny granules to another pile, counting softly. “One, two, three, four, five, six...” Pausing, he glanced up with a frown. “Where did you learn that?”

I shrugged as I bit down on my lower lip. “Saw it on an episode of Supernatural.”

and

“Okay.” I placed the stake on the bistro table then reached up, tucking my hair back. “I can explain, Ren, but I need you to let him go.”

“You heard the woman,” Tink said. “Let me go.”

Ren’s gaze flew from the brownie to me. “You want me to let this thing go?”

“He’s my thing--I mean, he’s not a ‘thing.’ He’s a brownie, and he’s okay. He’s not going to hurt anything. I swear.” Walking over to where Ren stood, I ignored the way Tink Glared at us. “Please.”

“He’s a brownie, Ivy. What in the hell is he doing here?” He turned his gaze back to Tink, and the brownie paled since the edge of the knife was still near his throat. “And what do you mean he’s yours? I come into the kitchen and he’s sitting in a bowl of Frosted Flakes like a walking, talking rat.”

“I am not a rat, sir! I am a brownie and damn proud of it, you overgrown--”

“Tink,” I warned, then wrapped my hand around Ren’s wrist. His emerald gaze flicked to mine. My heart was slamming against my ribs. As upset with Tink as I was, if something happened to him...

“His name is Tink?”

I nodded, “Well, that’s what I call him.”

“Am I high? I’ve got to be high.” He glanced back down at Tink and scowled. “Is he wearing doll pants?”

Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips - Another random library snag. Greek gods in a modern setting, full of apathy from a millennia of existence

Antigoddess series by Kendare Blake

Night Huntress by Jeaniene Frost - first person, great world building, fallible characters, lots of character investment over the series, sexy.

Meredith Gentry series by Laurell K. Hamilton - surprised myself by pretty consistently thinking - ‘While I like the varied and inventive sex, I really like the characters so I wish there was less sex and more story” when usually I don’t have complaints about the amount of sex in any given story, I’m cool with PWP works but I was hoping for some magic fix for Andais, like making her mortal and giving her another child then cutting out a good amount of the crazy due to those actions. Didn’t happen. Merry and her harem of men get it on for significant portions of especially the second onwards books, and again I can appreciate lots of magical explicit sexytimes I also wanted more progress on the characters. Also pet peeve of disliking men with long hair was constantly reinforced with a majority of the fae having waist/ankle length hair. The movie that played in my mind gave them haircuts really fast.

Hunter: Thieves series by Lexi Blake

Dissonance series by Erica O’Rourke - always enjoy when there is a new idea/twist and the reality bending in this was quite nice. YA, but I could not put it down.

Sci Fi & Dystopian

The Host by Stephenie Meyer - Was drawn to this one by the cover, it’s a gorgeous eye with a pupil ringed in (according to the story silver, but the cover makes it look icy) brightness. I walked past it a hundred times going “Ohh Pretty!” before finally springing for the audio book from the library - was exceptionally well read. Did not pay attention to the author or read any info about it and enjoyed it very much. Had I realized it was by the lady who wrote Twilight I wouldn’t have read it, I’m glad I didn’t realize and did listen to it. Very well done dichotomy of the main character(s) as two distinct personalities and thought processes. YA verging on New Adult about the aftermath of a relatively peaceful alien invasion. According to the things I’ve heard/memes I’ve seen of Twilight this author has a thing for a team whoever and team whoever2 triangles.

The Last Girl by Joe Hart

Secondborn series by Amy A. Bartol

General Fantasy or More YA

Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton - fantasy western

Beastkeeper by Cat Hellisen

A Madness So Discrete by Mindy McGinnis -

New Adult

VIP series by Kristen Callihan - fun, fast read, first person, Bands

Lonely Kings series by Ava Lore - again, fun, fast reads, first person, bands

#Reccomendations #Books I love

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blinkragen-blog · 6 years

Text

Interview with developer of Lobotomy corporation

1.Hello, i'm the Blinkraven, from russian translation team (Tales&Stories Team) , you can call me Blink or Roman. What is your name and what your role one Project moon company?

Hello, I am Kim Ji-hoon, who is the director of ProjectMoon.

2.Can you tell a bit about the company? How did you all gathered and found the company? What is your main goal in foundation Project moon game studio?

At first, I gathered friends from university game production clubs and formed a team. I started with four people, but I felt the shortage of art and programming through the project (LobotomyCorp). So I took part in university events, festivals, and various other places to gather other members. Lobotomy Corporation was finally developed with 10 people.

I always want to make a work with the theme of "human hymn(人間讚歌)". As the light shines most strongly in the darkness, I think that human beings shine in despair. The goal of the ProjectMoon is to make the content of the subculture series continuously. I want to try various contents such as comics, novels, animations as well as games one day.

3.What inspired you to create Lobotomy corp. ? Did you already have experience in making games on Unity or is it your debut?

Lobotomy Corporation was inspired by SCP Foundation, Cabin in the woods, Warehouse13, and many other institutions that deal with monsters and supernatural tools. Originally, When I saw the works mentioned above, I wanted to play a game of monster management, however, there isn't the game like that so I made it.

There have been many attempts to make games, but Lobotomy Corporation is the first finished game.

4.What do you think is the main key feature of the game? What should the game reveal with it stoyline and gameplay?

I think managing monsters and suppressing them are the most important features of game play. In the story, we paid attention to the wounds that each character had and the process of accepting them.

5.As we know, as basis for the plot of storyline contents were taken many elements of relegions and mythologies and others. Why Kaballah in the first place?

As mentioned earlier, it was clearest to convey the theme of human hymn through Kabbalah. I wanted to show through Kabbalah that a human being follows the path to becoming fully self. Likewise, we wanted to show the limits of seeing the world only through the perspective of Kabbalah.

6.Contrary to the established stereotype that almost all Korean games are focused on the grind component, there is also a thoughtful game world in your game, details of which are revealed when communicating with the sephiras, who are responsible for departaments. The question is: how often did the storyline changes during development? How much cardinally? I still remember those days of Beta-version, when Angela was an old AI-computer that uses perforated tape.

From the very beginning to the beta version, and until now, the topic of the story has not changed. However, 'Sephira' characters were added in the process of storytelling. When I wanted to communicate the story, I felt the limitations of the dialogue between the player and Angela. So I decided to make many changes in the summer of 2017.

7.Where did the ideas for the abnormalities come from? Did many of them personify human sins, is it really so?

It is hard to say that Abnormalities come from a variety of materials and are specific to one thing. Memes, original sin, urban legend, fairy tales, legends, and social phenomena. However, they have a common interpretation to match the story of the game.

8.The game has a hidden mechanics, forcing the player to "accidentally" re-play the game again and again, to uncover all the story plot twists, to study all the abnormalities. How much in your opinion the game is replayable?

If the players have seen all of the stories and unlocked Abnormalities' information, I think they really enjoyed all the content of the game. And I was intending to make the player try multiple retries in this process. Because the company turned into a mess through the Abnormalities and watching the situation was also intended to be a fun factor, I wanted to make the watching the situation in the retry of the game was also worth.

9.Approximately in July 2017, you decidet to radically change both the UI and gameplay in general. What was the reason for this? What did not suit in so-called [Legacy]-version of the game? Although the storyline also moved from "dead end", sephiras (visually they weve very interesting), the entire visual part of the game changed at all. And then closer to november, you changed again the visual part, making the game to look like as it is now. Was it hard to make that decisions?

The biggest reason for the change was 'it was not fun and it did not fit the intention'. This was a difficult decision for us, but the decision we had to do at the same time. I thought the pre-change game was just mimicking the western art style and indie game style. I thought I have to change the game style to what I can best create and the style that I like, in order to make a game that is sustainable in the future. So I decided to change everything. The process of changing was very painful, but after the change everything became clear how to build and develop the story.

10.Oh, and earlier in [Legacy]-version of the game, for normally walkthrough it was required to monitor a lot of parameters and key features, but during development, some functions were removed, some - simplified. Was this done because of fan complaints, or did you find these systems reduntant and uncomfortable for the game?

The values, genders and final observations of the Abnormality that were in the "legacy version" have been removed. Employee values and gender were changed to construct gameplay more clearly. The final observation of the Abnormality is something that has been removed due to the difficulties of realistic development. It was difficult to develop the final observation while adding various stories and scripts of Sephira through the changes, due to time and financial problems. I am sorry for this part too.

11.As I remember, earlier you had financial problems during game development. How did you manage to raise money for development? Did you have to lose something, or try to economize on something for the sake of further development?

We have not overcome financial problems using special methods. Thanks to the translation teams in Russia, China and Japan, we were able to make more sales in different countries, and as a result, we only got enough money to keep the team for a while. And now, after the development of LobotomyCorproation, only 4 team members are staying and developing. Other team members are seeking another job or going back to school. Although the size and speed of development can be reduced, I think we can keep the team longer.

12.Have you thought at the stage of development - of choosing a platform to make the game cross-platform of just PC-exclusive? For now it's very popular to make games on mobile devices, and your game with small edits of the interface could go well on mobile devices.

I focused on PC from the beginning. And Lobotomy Corporation is not going to switch to other platforms. Because the UX of the game is focused solely on PC, I thought that there would be a lot of changes if we were going to change to another platform. But the following work will consider expanding to other platforms, including PCs.

13.From the point of view of the Korean game developer, is there a great competition among your collegues in the game development industry of indie gaming? How populat are indie-games in Korea, that oriented on single player play?

There are also many indie game developers in Korea. Most of them are mobile-based indie games. So I did not see any other team in terms of competition. Compared to the indie game sector, Korea has a small sector of single-player games.

14.How, from the professional point of view, do you think that the opinion that in Korea games play only in online games is not exaggerated?

Korea is focused on mobile games and online games. But I do not think this is unconditionally bad. Because there are a lot of players in the world such as a person who loves a single game, a person who likes online games, and a person who likes mobile games. So I think it has its own meaning.

15.Has the game paid off since getting into Early access on Steam, and until now? What was your mood when you learned that the game was so popular in the world (well, and in particular in Russia)?

As a creator, there will be no greater joy. It is hard to find the driving force that makes our work world fun in many countries and expects what will happen. I want to create interesting stories and games that only we can show in the future!

Let's talk about future plans:

1.Since the release of version 1.0 (and the came out from Early Access), many players have already been able to find all the storyline endings that are hidden in the game. What do you expect the expected percentages of finding endings to be?

I think 80% of the players who have cleared up to Day50 have seen a hidden ending. If the player went to Day 50, wouldn't they want to fill in 100% of the encyclopedia?

2.In the so-called "true ending" or 100% of the Seed of light, Angela takes the complex under her control and came out from the facility to the surface for herself. Do you already have storyline sheets for the sequel and will somehow "bad" endings influence or somehow be mentioned in the sequel?

Yes. The ending of Lobotomy Corporation has had a big impact on the world, and the results will be shown in the sequel.

3.By your calculations, how much time will it take to develop a sequel, so that at least the first pl15.Has the game paid off since getting into Early access on Steam, and until now? What was your mood when you learned that the game was so popular in the world (well, and in particular in Russia)?

The development period is one year and six months until early release. We plan to spend about six months in the Eary Access period. But it always didn't go as planned. ;) I do not know if we will release the demo version, but I think I could show the gameplay within a year.

4.As for now are popular tactical turn-based games in various variations, whether it will affect the sequel or its gameplay will be like the first part - in real time with an active pause?

I'm not going to make a turn-based game as much as possible. I want to create a game that is played in as real-time as possible.

5.As I know, you monitor the appearance of content on your game on the Internet. Do you know about different memes, video parodies, etc.? What do you think about it?

Yes. We monitor videos, pictures, streaming, etc. uploaded by various fans. We are gaining great strength through the watching of enjoying the gameplay and delicate creation. In addition, problems with bugs and balances are also monitored through monitoring the world community.

6.Well, finally, your opinion about indie-game industry as a whole? What is the future of indie-games in game-development?

I think indie games are something that is unique and interesting. There are so many indie games coming out every day. What I think will become more important in the future is the unique universe of the work itself. Each game, even if it is individually, can survive in a number of indie games if it happens in a gigantic connected world. But most importantly, it has to be an attractive world, and the game must be fun.

#interview #lobotomy corp #eng

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nyalisa-landale · 6 years

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in which i accidentally 2000 words about goddamn phantasy star

i ended up pulling up the phantasy star page on wikipedia to win a discussion with my brother wrt video game prices, and ended up finding out that

1) you can unlock it on the ps3 sega’s ultimate genesis collection (super easily, too) and

2) apparently it’s actually considered an Important Game and shit, ranking at 26 on a “top 200 videogames of all time” list as recently as 2006 - and i’m talking specifically phantasy star 1 the master system game, not the series as a whole. like, being one of the first, if not the first, rpgs to not be a dungeons and dragons clone and/or take place in a generic fantasy setting; “event scenes” which are basically the precursor to cutscenes; actual characters with, like, names and backstories and motivation and shit; and, also, one of the first games with a female protagonist. metroid did it first, technically, having come out two years earlier, but while everyone knows samus is a girl now, back in 1986 you only found out if you beat the game fast enough and got to see her out of her suit (in a bikini, because 8-bit graphics); in phantasy star you knew right up front and center that you were playing as alis, younger sister of nero, whose tragic death the game literally opens with. also pseudo-3d dungeons, animated monster battles, and three fucking planets you could travel between.

(there’s a read-more after this; apparently i have a lot of feelings about phantasy star. rip anyone on mobile... including myself.)

don’t even get me started on phantasy star 2. you know what came out (in america) two months before final fantasy? this fucking shit. you know what pulled an aeris nine years before final fantasy 7 ever existed? this fucking shit. final fantasy was busy pulling a fifty shades on dungeons and dragons while phantasy star 2 was throwing characterisation and introspection and self-discovery and fantastic fucking worldbuilding and reversing the usual “humans vs aliens” plot (spoiler: we’re the invaders here) and just generally being amazing, well before final fantasy would start even thinking about it. did the sega genesis have a killer app? yes, and it wasn’t fucking sonic the hedgehog.

it’s not even fair to compare phantasy star 2 to final fantasy, what with them being from two different console generations and phantasy star 2 also being the largest game ever released at the time on any console (six megabits!), although for american audiences that’s the comparison they’d be making, since final fantasy came out so goddamn late here. ps1 vs ff1 is a fairer comparison, except that it isn’t, because everything i just said about ps2 vs ff1 still applies. (also - in japan, at least - ps1 came out literally two days after ff1.)

the worst goddamn thing i can say about this series is that it is, afaik, super obscure now. if you look up phantasy star stuff now, most of what you’ll find is probably going to be phantasy star online-related (let me get to that in a bit). much like everything else about sega, phantasy star was too goddamn ahead of its time and ambitious. EXAMPLE: fucking phantasy star 3, widely regarded as the worst game in the series - so much so that when sega was attempting an updated ps2 rerelease it was a phantasy star trilogy consisting of 1, 2, and 4 - had multiple generations, branching storylines, and four different endings. IN 1990. it was a gaiden (side story) game before the actual phantasy star: gaiden came out, let alone fire emblem: gaiden (although not, i don’t think, before the phantasy star 2 gaiden games, of which there were several; i could be wrong on that but it’s within the same series so it doesn’t really matter). i was going to call zelda 2 a gaiden game as well - fe2 apparently got compared to it a lot, both of them being the second game in a series and both of them taking a decidedly different approach to gameplay than the first had - but zelda 2 is actually literally a direct sequel, so it’s not gaiden in the slightest.

ANYWAY, ps3 appears at first entirely unrelated to anything in the previous two phantasy stars - dark force, the series Big Bad, gets referenced near the beginning but i don’t know if they actually call him by name until much later - and appears to be a fairly basic fantasy romp, except then you get a fucking robot party member (followed shortly thereafter by a second) and the “passages” to different “worlds” are inexplicably mechanical-looking, and then in the second generation you GO TO THE FUCKING MOON (which moon depends on which 2nd gen character you’re playing) and find out that actually, your home with its tiny “worlds” and weird fucking “passages”? IS A GODDAMN SPACESHIP.

you know what other game starts out super fantasy but, in the end, you go to the goddamn moon? final fantasy 4. a year later. my knowledge of super famicom games doesn’t extend that much farther than final fantasy and fire emblem with a side order of zelda, so i might be entirely off the mark on this one, but as far as i know the next game of that era to do a multiple generation thing was fe4, genealogy of the holy war, in 1996. six fucking years later.

unfortunately phantasy star 3 spent a bit too much effort being super innovative, because it literally is objectively the worst of the quadrilogy, but it is by no means a bad game? phantasy star 2 set a high fucking bar and phantasy star 4 picked up where ps2 left off (only not really, because it’s 1000 years later); 3, with its barely-there tie to phantasy star 2 (in an entirely optional town, at that) and weird-ass mechanics that only it has, gets forgotten pretty easily in the middle of that. you know. like a fucking gaiden game.

and speaking of phantasy star 4, it expands even more on the “event scenes” of previous games, as well as the script, and guess what? it did combination attacks two years before chrono trigger did. (or a few months, for us americans. still.) this is the phantasy star i have the least experience with, so i can’t comment as much on it, but i do know that it is a long fucking game, and not because it’s grindy as hell. because plot. STORY! (also apparently, in the us at least, it retailed for ~$100. yikes.)

also, i lied, because ps4 is not the phantasy star i have the least experience with; that would be everything that came after.* i, personally, love the quadrilogy to pieces and pretend that nothing else came after it, ever (which is really easy to do, because none of it is fucking related to the quadrilogy except for set dressing), but I CAN’T NOT MENTION PHANTASY STAR ONLINE, not if i’m talking about sega being tragically too ahead of its fucking time. it was literally the second online console game - i think the first mmo - and the first online console game - chu-chu rocket! - was made literally so that sega could figure out how the fuck to make pso work. chu-chu rocket! came out for the dreamcast in 1999; phantasy star online followed in 2000. ps2 online multiplayer wasn’t a thing until the year after that; followed another year later by the xbox. (final fantasy xi also came out in 2002.) attempts at online console capabilities were made as early as - i want to say as early as the snes and the genesis, with stuff like downloadable games, and a whole host of companies attempted to produce consoles with online capabilities, to compete with the pc market, but nothing actually took off until the dreamcast.

( * actually it’s gaiden and adventure, the two game gear titles. i have literally never touched anything related to them at all, ever, and i actually forgot they existed until i started looking shit up for this post. i do at least own a copy of phantasy star universe; i missed the bandwagon on pso, though as i understand it, if i were to emulate it, i could still play online with other people.)

hey, guess what phantasy star online was a direct inspiration for? the .hack series. SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

unfortunately sega seems pretty content to forget that this franchise even exists; the most recent release was the japan-only phantasy star portable 2 infinity in 2011 (phantasy star portable 2, regular version, hit english-speaking audiences in 2010), but is part of the phantasy star universe line, a... spin-off, i guess? of phantasy star online, but for ps2 and 360, well after sega dropped out of the console race for good. the original quadrilogy? well, 2-4 get included on basically every genesis collection sega shits out for any console whatsoever, but ps1, having been for master system, usually gets left out - sonic’s ultimate genesis collection, mentioned way back at the top, is the outlier here, but even then you have to unlock it. (by... beating the first boss of sonic 2 with two active controllers - that is, with a second player joined but not actually in two-player mode. so two controllers. it’s not hard to unlock; you can do it in like five minutes. you still have to do it, though.) there were attempts to remaster them - i mentioned the updated ps2 rereleases, and ps1 and ps2 were actually released in japan; ps4′s never happened, though¸ and so neither of the first two were ever localised, though there are translation patches. (as i understand it, ps2′s is still kind of a work in progress.) apparently these new versions ended up scrapped in favor of a ps2 port of phantasy star collection for the saturn, both of which were released in japan only. the saturn version (1998) had all four games (and a few unrelated ones); the ps2 version (2008), phantasy star complete collection was... uh, exactly what the name implies: all four main games, all of the ps2 gaiden games (text adventures, apparently, previously exclusive to the sega meganet network service and also japan-only), and both game gear entries (gaiden and adventure); it also added the ability to make the games even harder, if you wanted to, as well as several different graphical filters you could use or not use as you preferred. this compilation was apparently also released over psn for ps3 in 2012. have i said “japan-only” enough times yet? it was japan-only.

there was also a phantasy star collection for the gba, in 2001/2; this consisted of the first three games - but not the fourth, as it wouldn’t fit on the cartridge - and no extras or improvements other than what was required to make them run on the gba. this version is notable for being the only goddamn one released outside japan. i have two cartridge copies and it is consistently the first game i play on any given gba emulator.

...and that’s how i ended up spending two goddamn hours writing way the fuck more about the phantasy star series, and specifically the original quadrilogy that is older the fuck than i am, than i ever actually intended to. idk, maybe there’s a huge active cult following for these somewhere on the internet that i haven’t found yet - yes, i’m aware of most of the fansites, they’re old as fuck and afaik mostly inactive, so they don’t count - but it sure as hell feels to me like everybody’s sleeping on these. what do people remember from the genesis? sonic and fucking ecco the dolphin. sega could totally pull a square enix and ff7-remake the shit out of these (except for real), but they could barely do it for the playstation 2; they’re sure as hell not going to do it for the playstation 4. so instead, all i can do is dream of what we could have had. (and, uh. play phantasy star generations 1 with the translation patch, the closest there is to “what we could have had”.)

i guess when sega saddled ps4 with the subtitle “the end of the millennium” they fucking meant it.

#azu plays phantasy star #or at the very least TALKS A GODDAMN LOT about phantasy star #look i grew up on this shit okay #ps2 was literally my first video game #...assuming art alive doesn't count which it doesn't

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thekimmelwindows-blog · 6 years

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V O I C E S | spotlight on the artist: Tashina Lee Emery

Tashina Lee Emery, Ojibwe is currently working on her MA in Arts Politics in Tisch’s Art and Public Policy program where she will graduate later this year.

Enrolled in the Keweenaw Bay Indian Community of Baraga, MI, Misanaquadikwe is her Native American name: The one who can clear a cloudy day. If you ever have the opportunity to meet Tashina (hint, she’ll be at the exhibition’s reception on April 17th 5:30-8pm in the Skirball Performing Arts Center Lobby, and so should you!), you’ll see what a perfect name this is for Tashina; she truly radiates the sun.

Her artwork, Anishinaabekwe, is featured in V O I C E S @nyukimmelwindows and we had the chance recently to sit down with the artist to learn a bit more about what inspires her creative process. Check it out!

Who are the women you have portrayed in your piece and what informed/inspired you to select these 7?

Mikah and Aubree. Jailyn. Sydni. Ginger. Shani. Jeanne. Victoria. Seven humans. Seven bodies. Seven physical places in life moving at once. I obscure through layers the magic of tradition, a sacred secrecy to withhold but instead asserting the wonders of existent real women and their roles in raising villages. The thick and heavy central role of the woman’s strength on the reservation that I witnessed. I celebrate their resilience to generations of trauma, now bearing the weight on my shoulders from my mother. I validate the vigor carried by blood from the collective power of the women who surround me. Glorifying my optimism through the delicate and intimate chiffon silk marking a statement of survival, the ones still here. My work shares the tenacity and superpowers of legacy. Drawing questions of the decisions we make today and how it will affect the future seven generations.

Where did you grow up and how do you feel that contributes to the person you are today?

I grew up on a small reservation of the shores of Lake Superior, the Keweenaw Bay Indian Community in Baraga, Michigan. I was raised traditionally and always had a house full. My mother raised villages, she took in anyone in need. Rez life was always something I wanted to escape growing up. Any opportunity, I took it, the more I left, the more I want to return. The more I return, the more I want to leave. However, I love my home. The awareness from a distanced perspective gives me the vigor for a healthy community, my people deserve.

What materials did you use and can you speak a little about your artistic process?

The silks transparency, the soft touch of see through that flows following the bodies fluid movements. I created seven chiffon pieces to hold the seven women of my inner circle of strength and struggle, woven elegance and damage.

I had invited all the woman in my immediate family during Thanksgiving break to spend the day in Zeba, MI with me, bringing back memories of were my mother and aunties grew up. Originally there was supposed to be a few more chiffon pieces. My cousins, aunties, sisters, and mother dressed across from deep frozen waters of Lake Superior. We did our makeup together and I made sure to bring an immense collection of my own jewelry, which anything they wore they were able to have after. An offering for their time and help in my project. My poems and short proses adorning the woman who raised me and the future generations we too, will one day effect.

My stories come from the hardships I bared, the trauma that my family has. I disguise the complex narratives of hurt and hope with stacked layers, to beautiful burden the viewer. The reader is forced to look deeper. A strategic transparency the viewer will have to work for.

You include what appears to be handwriting in the some of the pieces; who's writing is this and is there more of a story to how and why you've chosen to incorporate this in places?

My mother’s handwriting was such an important piece, representing a thread between all the pieces. The Ojibwe floral layer is the bond between the women, but my mother’s words, some in Ojibwe, are the realistic spots creating a decolonized version of the map, a fabric framework of place. A bit of her being, reclaiming her voice.

What are seven things that inspire you in life and in art-making?

My home. The thick woodlands, and the crystal lake Lake Superior shores. My reservation right near the water's embrace. I vow to surround myself again with the trees and water.

My mom. She is my best friend and her stories however horrific come with a tinge of humor, happiness, and hope.

Indian Country. The social movements and political progressions excite me. I am honored to witness the privileges my ancestors fight so hard for coming into fruition.

My nieces. I try to crave out terrain that one day, they can one day exceed expectations too.

Raw natural materials, their carried stories. I cherish the traditional medicines, the plants, and the decolonized memory and making.

Healing. I come from a Tribal Public Health background and the practices of other first Nations is power. Culture is medicine.

Traveling. The mobile Native or body of color has been a new fascination, especially coming from a reservation enacting my dual citizenship, a double consciousness.

Below are detail images of the installation along with translations of their accompanying poems; be sure to swing by and see the works in person!

Nieces - Mikah and Aubree - Panel 1

Beautiful Baby.

I look at the light skinned dark babies, the babies born mixed, the mothers who hold shades lighter, the black haired mothers who protect their redheaded daughters.

The worlds purposeful intentions, reminding us that difference is okay, humbling our mothers, my mother. This beautiful baby, we created in our body’s came out into harsh world, the very not memory of the past colonization, not our light skin, not only the light hair. Not the colonizers wounds, it’s a reminder to love one another. To find new forms of securities, new love, new radical change.

I watch a mother of dark complexion cradle her little lighter joy and embraced the baby’s new warmth, she holds the entire world in that little girl. Her eyes didn’t look like her mothers but she loved her to the moon, I traveled to witnessing her joy.

Nieces - Mikah and Aubree - Panel 1

Bright Pink Fuel.

Bright pink, yes, our favorite color! The colorful toes were adorned in glittered, glamorous, tall, jeweled heels walked through the cold, dark rain. The studded emeralds were the only pieces in color in the gray, murky video as they moved closer towards us, with sass. Then, guess what the fabulous feet did? They brought forward one beautiful foot in slow motion, swung the tattooed leg with just enough force to smash the window, glass in front of them. The glass's sharp edges bursting everywhere.

Be careful where you step, but good thing the feet had heels on.

I see the power in the person wearing those heels, a fight in heels is a tougher work then most. A similar work you’ll have, as women of color, your heels is the shade skin you wear. The height of the stem should empower you. Stand up straight, walk with vigor and purposeful, with finesse. The heels you wear are adorned with jewels of your ancestors carrying you as you sustain them. Please know those heels come with baggage, the pain, the ache in your foot, feel that with every step you take and use it as bright pink fuel.

Cousin - Jailyn - Panel 2

Baamaapii.

Baamaapii. adv tmp temporal adverb - later, after a while, eventually. In Ojibwe, we do not have a “goodbye”. What a beautiful reminder that the permanence of leaving or being gone is unrestricted and open ended to possibilities. We also view death as “passing on”, no one “dies”, but “passes away”, just moving on until we meet again. As a wanderer, these notions of the “see you later” are comforting. I learned very young, my home will always be there - the fresh cold water of Lake Superior, the dark woodlands, the dirt tireless roads, and the vast open fields to roam.

I take my passion, my dreams, the unknown with me to New York City. I left my appreciation, with cooked dinners and movie nights with my mom. I left my joy with my nieces and sisters spending days at the beach. I left my strength with the women in my family, to carry on the raised villages. I left my future with the hardest worker and most compassionate boy, my best friend.

My values of family and my rural home, are so ingrained that I have a innate need to settle and have a family. The reservation calls my name even 1,137.2 miles away. The content lifestyle of the midwest is seducing because it was all I ever was exposed to, it was the norm. I can’t stop moving, I need to explore. The unknown captives me more, but I known in the back of mind I can have it all. My autonomy is so strategic, that I will prove you can be a found soul. Baamaappii.

Cousin - Sydni - Panel 3

Speak or fashion or eat or adorn and repeat.

“Decolonize” has been such a buzz word it’s on fire, the trend game is so strong. Do not get me wrong, we need the framework, decolonization seeks revolutionary change and a sense of peace we all need. Decolonize, a mindful act, has always been an unspoken truth for Native communities, an existing way of life but now it is law. A term to police each other, another quantum to test my blood. A verbiage to see my percentage of authenticity, but guess what I’m not prefect. Strip down bare, bring fire to everything, live in this past world, listen carefully to every word you say. How dare I accuse someone for not wanting to suffer? Not assimilation, but to live a life our ancestors fought to be apart. Yes, I will be educated. Yes I will speak and write in english. Yes, I will shop online. Yes, I will move in and out of the reservation. But, I do everything with my values of my mother and her’s before her.

I hate the word, but I’m not saying to not purse practices, change the agenda, but bring awareness to use words that aren’t even ours. Maybe I’m writing for myself to digest the words of criticism, of hate, of intolerance or unawareness. Decolonize is a tool or maybe a truth to get some where new, but it should never be a way to beat someone up. “If you don’t speak or fashion or eat or adorn and repeat in decolonization, then your Native authenticity is lacking.” More ways of classification, as taunting as measuring my relations to my people, my community and my land. Yes, there is a difference between decolonize and pride, one doesn’t force you to follow along in the boasting of Nativeness.

I’m not the colonizer.

Cousin - Sydni - Panel 3

A part in my heart where no trust lives.

On Saturday morning at 3:21 am, I called the police with an almost calm voice and simply but accurately stated ", I recently had a home invasion with assault." How bleek, I had no emotion, but I spoke in their words so they could hear me.

My face was marked with blood and burned with stinging pain along my eye and a few intense deep scratches on my cheeks. I felt woozy so I sat down with my phone in my hand, numb. I sat alone.

I had already outlined the situation in my head. Trying to replay the events in my head, trying to label and fully understand what happened, trying to remember how to start and finish. I was there, but I couldn’t grasp time anymore. I'm trying to wrap my freshly onset of dizziness, but I was blurry from the outside deep down within, the world flew out softly and left me shuddering on the floor of my living room.

I sat in my house empty. Sending a photo to my best friend first, labeled should I call the police?

I am mad, I am pissed, I have rage. I have a part in my heart where no trust lives. No home or shield that will protect me. The part that reminds me to lock my doors twice. I sit back and observe everyone. I want them to know they ignited a tiny fire and it is a reason to speak even louder, to scream next time. I want accountability. I want justice. I want that if she was a guy, she'd be a prisoner. I want credibility. And this isn't acceptable.

But survival you do alone, when breathing becomes essential. I’m not saved or healed, but I breathe. Take deep breaths.

It is not with the cloak of physical wounds I carry, but the adusatity you have of boasting about the events. The fact that you claim the victim. How does the idea come to your head that you “win”? That you even want to “win”.

My case wasn't taken seriously, so I sparked flames. I couldn’t break the cycles of hurt, because hurt people, hurt people. I am broken, but the fight of a shattered person is effective when saving other shattered people.

Cousin - Ginger - Panel 4

A cloud that dropped everyone to their knees.

I braid the hair of the bridesmaids, and ending with the little flower girls because the restless toddlers couldn’t sit long enough. Their pearl crowns in place, the small crowded house seemed to get louder with anxiousness. My aunty in all white, her voice shook as she entered the room, she held her phone. Already she was the center of attention, we paused everything for the bride, we grew silent listening to the beautiful text her son had just sent. He wished he could be there and was sorry he wasn’t able to see her beauty on her big day. He was called out to a wildfire in Utah at 3 am the night before. The ceremony was near, I was helping with last minute highlight, adding more or less creme blush, we choked on hairspray, sipping wine and beer to ease the excited tensions. I was the last to be ready, the bridal crew escaped leaving me behind while I applied my last touches of peach shadows, hands shaking applying my matte liquid wings. The primer, creme foundation, and the powder setting, can not forget the setting.

The world went blurry, the bride was limp, numb to the news. The alcohol that was just setting in, did not ease the pain I saw and couldn’t digest. Everyone’s shock was a slight buzz, a cloud that dropped everyone to their knees. The disbelief traumatized everyone. His sisters, my sisters screaming out, “he is gone”. She sharply snapped, yelling at my optimistic skepticism. She wanted to punch me with the truth. She could have and I still wouldn’t have listened. The police arrived to confirm.

The trauma of that evening broke my whole family, broke my community. The firefighters never made it outside of Minnesota. Two years have gone by and there is not a day that goes by when I don’t think of the Jimmy, James Frederick Shelifoe Jr. Again, we met at my mother's house to struggle together and we still do.

It wasn’t the day after when the world stopped, it wasn’t the weeks after when a being who was presence no longer existed, it wasn’t the months after where every meal around a table meant Jimmy wasn’t there.

Sister - Shani - Panel 5

Lineage.

My lineage stems from strong powerful women, the strength of wounds that still need healing. The endurance, the resilience mirrored in their our young. They say a higher power, gives you only what you can handle. The generations of women in my life handled what can only be told in stories surrounded by laughter, because you wouldn’t be able to hear the truth in seriousness. My mother comes from broken parents, split in half by trauma. My grandfather beat my grandmother into suicide. His drinking came from the abuse he received himself and so on. At 11 years old my mom and her siblings fended on their own in homes of a broken community - Bridgette, Cathy, Jerry, Jim, Vicki, Miino, Baghi, Wausa, Waba, Allen, and Steve. They carried the heaviness of loss entering this already harsh world.

The pain and hurt has descended to my shoulders, and that’s just the pain I witnessed. Dare I even go back further? Do I want to know? What I do see is the baggage on my cousins, their little ones. We are normalized to the hurt, content with the struggle of barely making it through. That is all we ever known. Three of my uncles are currently incarcerated, more than half addicted to numbing the pain, three have passed on because some couldn’t “handle what the higher power gives you”. The damaged but tenacious beings who now are raising kids. I would ask my mom how do you handle losing a sibling, more than one because, at my age, I didn’t know how to grip the hurt, pain and hate that comes from the loss of a young soul, we were supposed to be the generation of stopped cycles. She never really responded but, just lead the way, just kept moving. It was like an initiation to the club. I have learned loss at age 5 years old. My mother lost her younger sibling and my cousin became my sister.

Now take this hurt, times the built up tonnage by *1,130 and trap it in one place called reservations.

How are you not mad? How do I accuse someone of not wanting to suffer? Because sometimes, I am so heated that I want to fight. I want to break walls, punch, kick and scream - but I don't I use my words and stories. Stories you can only tell in laughter.

*The # of Keweenaw Bay Indian Community Tribal Members Enrolled residing in Baraga County

Mother - Jeanne - Panel 6

Degree of Holiness.

My cousins tease that my mom is a Catholic saint, our lack of Christianity didn’t deter us from labeling her a powerful being having an exceptional degree of holiness, likeness or closeness to God. We did, however, know she was the Native version of a saint, she was a Native Saint.

My mother has an exceptional degree of holiness, a likeness and a closeness to the Creator. She always has, she'd tell us stories of when she was little, she'd sing in the woods as if that was further confirming her sainthood. I think it’s funny, her Ojibwe traditional knowledge is most prominent but I see subtle hints of the colonizer she adapted in her own reclamation. I wonder what my people, called prayers or messages to the Creator before Columbus. Even the Ojibwe word Anama'e, which means prayer translates to “church, Christian”. But the act, the ritual, the modern day ceremony of her prayer creates her own resistance through her blend of worlds.

She offers her Asemaa, tobacco, usually from her fresh pack of Seneca's because Marlboros are now too expensive. She closes her eyes holding them shut, with the same tension as she holds the small grains of the whitewashed Kinnikinnick, smoking herbs. The "old Indian way" would have maybe Bearberry leaf, Mullein leaf, Deer's Tongue, Osha leaf, Red Sumac leaf, and Spearmint leaf in their mixtures. Although now most First Nation’s natural resource departments harvest their own real traditional sacred tobacco, the plant Nicotiana Rustica, successfully and unsuccessfully. But she acts on the call of prayer, which is spontaneous and always urgent. She introduces herself, connects herself to the land, and connects herself to her role and community. I see her mumble the thoughts, the wishes, the needs of my people. I can even hear her inner voice ending each phrase “in a good way”. I give her, her space as she mends those around me.

“Aunty Jean, can you pray about my Dad he is in the hole again.” “Mom, can you pray for my Cats they keep peeing in my bed.” “Can you have your mom pray for me as I go into this final nursing exam.” “Aunty Jean, can you pray for my rez car, I about to bring it to the shop again.” “Mom, can you pray for my IUD procedure Friday.”

This is my meeting place, where my Ojibwe tradition encounters contemporary western society.

Then, the ritual starts again. My mother introduces herself. Nindizhinikaaz Namid Migizi. My name is Dancing Eagle. Nindonjibaa Baraga. I am from Baraga. Mikinaak Nindoodem. My clan is Turtle. She continues sharing her courage with me to do the same.

Mother - Jeanne - Panel 6

Because you are my daughter.

I have never been so filled with anxiety. I see mixed messages on every social platform. My brain is constantly talking to itself and all I’m trying to do sleep for the two hours I have left before the new day starts. For the first time at least since I can, remember I feel like I’m constantly questioning my own work, and my own authenticity, why am I the one allowed too be here, to create? Am I stressed because I’m not apart of my Native community? Or is because I’m the only Native dealing with this new place by herself?

Is this what rewarding risk taking feels like?

Decolonize has always been an unspoken truth, but now it is law. If you don’t speak or fashion or eat or adorn or repeat in decolonization then your Native authenticity is lacking. The new classification is as taunting as blood quantum, measuring my relations to my people, my community and my land. Yes, there is a difference between decolonize and pride, one doesn’t force you to follow along in the boasting of Nativeness.

I have never questioned myself more since coming to NYU, so I asked my mom why do I get to do what I do?

“Because you are sweet and because you are my daughter.”

Aunty - Victoria - Panel 7

Fucking Tough.

Learn to be fucking tough, does being an artist mean I have to be tough? Which I thought I was.

I’m just as valid in my own way, my work is valid and means shit, I need to represent it as is, fight for it, that's my toughness.

I’m just as right as you and I accept you.

Recognize the conversation you now play with everything to the past? Do I have to respond or is it okay to just be? “I have to be tough, I have to be tough, I have to be tough, I have to be tough” I grow thicker skin, the more I say it.

Aunty - Victoria - Panel 7

Deviant.

The second you don’t feel the fear, you’ll see the future so clear. I’ll keep telling myself that.

And what if my change I try to push, comes before they are ready, is there a better time? Maybe it’s not timing, but it’s more about the process, the way you teach and not scare. Because if you change in a Native American community, then we are gone, we are extinct. The second I’m deviant, an artist, when I break the rules or go against tradition, prove, maintain, and represent I’m still Native. How can I create conditions to change, formation.

Aunty - Victoria - Panel 7

Through Exhaustion.

Both of these worlds, want to refer to me in the trapping past or always a near future, but never the present here and now. I appreciate the challenge, but to be apart of the conversation I physically, mentally and wholeheartedly beg, strive, fight to represent my past with integrity then, I do the exact same to represents the future. Through exhaustion, tirelessly because if I don’t, who will. My nieces and my own children will one day have too, and that makes the urgency even more. I tell myself to grow thicker skin, I need to be tough.

#publicart #NYU #nyuvoices #nativevoices #nativeamericanart #nativeartist #tisch #art #contemporaryart #photography #poetry

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tempestofwords · 7 years

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Only One Rose

Description: It has been four years since the Doctor called Rose Tyler to Bad Wolf Bay. Now, due to a TARDIS malfunction, he finds himself back in the parallel universe with a heartbreaking decision.

Rating: General Audiences

Type: One-Shot

Originally Posted on Wattpad (March 3, 2015)

Posted on AO3 (April 16, 2017)

The Doctor ran into the TARDIS, slamming the doors shut behind him. He leaned against them, breathing heavily. Something outside sounded with a crash, shaking the police box. He started, and ran to the controls, frantically pulling levers, pushing buttons, pulsing his sonic screwdriver. The TARDIS began to quiver violently, as if something was shaking it from side to side. He cursed under his breath. “Random fluctuations in the space-time continuum,” he muttered. He hated dealing with the weeping angels. It was all fun and games until one was right outside your TARDIS. The controls had begun to smoke. He fanned at them frantically. “Oh, not now! Not now, please!” Something sparked, and suddenly the entire TARDIS blew a fuse. The police box was hurtling through time and space, with absolutely no sense of direction. She was spinning out of control. It was all he could do to hold on to his control panel. She screeched to a stop, and the Doctor landed on the floor. He sighed and pulled himself up, straightening his tie, dusting off his pants, ruffling his hair. But something was wrong. The lights weren't supposed to be flashing like that. The TARDIS jerked violently, and the Doctor was thrown against the control panel. His hands flew over the switches, desperately trying to right his spaceship. It was to no avail. “Come on,” he muttered. “Come on!” The TARDIS slammed into a hard surface, sending the Doctor flying backward into the wall. He felt a deep ache in his back, and he winced as he slid down the wall. He sat on the floor for a moment, his knees pulled up to his shoulders. The TARDIS wheezed one last time before sputtering to a stop.

The emergency lights came on, but there was no other power. The Doctor rose to his feet cautiously, rubbing his back as the pain ebbed away, and approached the control panel once again. “Where are we then, eh?” he whispered to the controls. He reached for the pull down screen, but the TARDIS seemed to be completely drained of power. “Guess there's only one way to find out,” he turned his head sideways, a smile playing across his lips. He ran to the doorway, and in one swift motion pulled both doors open. The cool night air ruffled his hair, dusting it with the falling snow. His breath was visible in the clear moonlight. He leaned out of his box, squinting at his surroundings, before finally stepping away. The doors swung shut behind him. He was in a small, dark alleyway, in between two large green dumpsters and a faded brick wall. There was a full moon above him, and a dirty, trampled newspaper by his feet. He bent over, examining the date at the top.

December 24th, 2010

“Christmas Eve,” he murmured. He scanned the headlines briefly. “London. How is it that I always end up in London at Christmas time?” He tucked his hands into his trench coat, and stepped out of the alleyway.

Strolling through the streets, the snow crunching under his Converse sneakers, he momentarily forgot about the drastic condition of his TARDIS. He sniffed the brisk London air. It was familiar, but at the same time, something seemed off. Something was strange, something was different. He looked around him. It looked like London, smelled like London, sounded like London. He walked swiftly toward the park. He bent over and pulled up a blade of grass and chewed it twice before spitting it out in disgust. It definitely tasted like London. But then what was off? He shook off his instincts, walking around the city with little thought as to where he was going. Without realizing, his feet had led him around the familiar course to a large, white apartment building with a red brick base. It was where Rose Tyler used to live. Noticing where he was, he shook himself out of his daze. He stared at the building, trying to fight his desire to go inside. There were people living there, judging by the state of the place, but surely they hadn’t sold Rose Tyler’s flat. “Oh there'll be no one there now, I might as well have a look,” he gave in finally. He made his way up to his old companion's flat and reached for the doorknob. There was a Christmas wreath on the door. He stared at it curiously. Had it been Christmas the last time Rose Tyler had been on Earth? He shook his head and rattled the doorknob a bit before realizing it was locked. He took out his sonic and pulsed it at the handle. It clicked and sprung open. He looked up to see five people sitting around a table filled with all sorts of Christmas treats. The flat was the very picture of festivity, from the brilliantly decorated tree to the softly glowing candles in every corner. There was a glowing electrical fireplace, with stockings and pictures decorating its mantle. Silver tinsel hung everywhere, along with strings of photos taped to Christmas lights. At the table, wearing paper tissue crowns, were none other than Rose, Jackie, Pete, the human version of himself, and a boy that looked approximately four years old, which the Doctor assumed to be Rose's younger brother. He stared in shock at the scene, and was met with equal surprise from the people before him. “But – wha – how?” the Doctor stammered. Rose Tyler's hand moved to cover her mouth, which had dropped open. Tears sprang to her eyes.

“Doctor?” she whispered, her voice breaking. The Doctor's eyes widened. He shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be here. Everything was wrong. He needed to figure out what was going on. But Rose Tyler . . .

“Doctor?” she asked again, standing up. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him as if she never wanted to let go. She rested her head onto his shoulder, sobs racking her body. He gently embraced her, rubbing her back. It had been four long years since he'd last seen her. He had missed her Cockney accent and her blonde hair and her voice and her walk. He'd missed everything about her. He'd spent the last four years pining for her, and here she was again, in his arms. But it was wrong.

“My Rose Tyler,” he whispered softly into her ear. She smiled against his shoulder. She finally looked up at him, her dark green eyes glimmering softly.

“How did you get here? I thought you closed off the portal,” she asked. The Doctor’s eyes widened.

“I thought you were the ones who had gotten yourselves onto the Earth!” he exclaimed, backing away from Rose. He smacked himself on the forehead.“Oh this is wrong. This is so wrong! I should have seen this coming! I can’t be on the parallel universe!” The human version of himself stood up, clearing his throat.

“Perhaps the rift has been re-opened, Doctor,” the human said.

“Well isn’t that obvious, Doctor?” the Doctor replied.

“It’s just John now.” The Doctor stared at his human form. It was impossible not to be jealous of him. He had a life, a home, a place where he belonged. He had Rose. The Doctor bit back his emotions. Perhaps the Daleks and the Cybermen were on to something. Emotions really do destroy you. The Doctor looked back at Rose’s hand and took it in his own. A shimmering diamond ring rested on her third finger.

“You’re married,” the Doctor glanced back at Rose’s face, hurt evident in his eyes. She grimaced.

“I didn’t – It was just – I –,” she stammered. The Doctor searched her eyes. “Yes, I’m married,” she said softly. The Doctor stared at her face for a moment, trying to memorize every last detail. They weren’t meant to be, no matter how much he loved her.

“Right then,” he cleared his throat, “I’d better be off. Last of the time lords and all,” he said.

“All alone?” she asked him quietly.

“Yes, Rose Tyler, all alone,” he smiled sadly.

“Will I ever see you again?”

“You can’t.”

“Can’t I come with you?”

“And leave all this behind? I don’t think you’d want to.” Rose stared at him for a moment before wrapping him in her arms again.

“I’d do anything for you,” she whispered against his ear.

“Rose, you can’t. You belong here. You’ll get tired of me.”

“I could never get tired of you.”

“You’ll age. I won’t. I can’t take that. I can’t just watch someone I lo –” the Doctor stopped himself. It was no use telling her how he felt. He couldn’t break her like that again. Rose stared at him.

“I – I love you,” she said, her voice breaking, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Quite right too,” he said with a sad smile. “And I suppose, if it’s my last chance to say it – Rose Tyler, I really do love you to Gallifrey and back.” She tried to stifle her sob, but she could help herself. She was crying. The Doctor wrapped her in his arms, holding her as close as he possibly could. He buried his face in her hair.

“Why won’t you take me with you?”

“I can’t, Rose Tyler. Time is like a river. There are some boulders, definite events that must occur and can’t be moved or changed by the river. There are also pebbles that the river constantly rolls around. This moment – this is a boulder. I can’t change what happens here.” She looked at him, heartbroken. He had to tear himself away from her. He couldn’t look back, couldn’t see the hurt on her face anymore. He walked down the hallway, back down the stairs. This was the curse of the time lords. This was the curse he must live with every single day. He walked back to the TARDIS, looking back at the parallel London one last time, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“I don’t want to go,” he whispered, before he turned around and closed the door behind him.

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ntslttrspxls · 8 years

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Games I finished in 2016

(not necessarily from that year) Sooo, I’m a bit late when it comes to my personal gaming retrospective of 2016. BUT here goes. It has been a successful year when it comes to gaming for me. I completed a few titles that have been really fun, long overdue or just surprisingly surprising because I hadn’t heard of them ever before. I completed 16 games, which not necessarily came out in 2016 but were still on my list. So here’s what I played last year and below you’ll find detailed opinions on them.

1. Transformers Devastation (PS3)

First game I finished in 2016 ‘cause I got it for Christmas in 2015. First things first: I love Platinum Games, although I don’t love all their games alike. But the company itself I appreciate a lot, especially for the Bayonetta series. And they made a Transformers game that looks like the old 80s cartoon and not the dark, modern Michael Bay crap the Transformers have become these days? ‘Awesome’, I thought and I wasn’t disappointed. Yes, the level design is very repetitive and has a lot of, well not back tracking but let’s say they recycle the setting a lot: there’s a city, one part is active for one mission, then you proceed to a different part for another mission and eventually come back to the first part for the third mission. Not exactly refreshing but you still get to shoot or punch Decepticons in the face with Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Grimlock, Sideswipe or Wheeljack. Plus later in the game the settings vary a little more. The gameplay is classical Platinum games style: run around, beat shit up, collect stuff mainly to get stronger, proceed, repeat. Exactly what a proper Transformers videogame needs. It has the typical Bayonetta-style “witch time” effect where you evade an attack at the right moment just to enter a slow-motion mode for a few seconds where your enemies are slow and you keep on banging. All is well. It looks totally like the TV series which kiddo-me loved to death, the soundtrack is a mixture of badass metal, dubstep (ugh, I used the word) and neo-/modern metal. RAD! So: nothing to complain here. Sure, it could be more diverse and stuff, but it gave me exactly what I wanted and expected from the game. I had a hell of a time with this one. And you could even get more out of it because there is a looting and crafting concept where enemies drop parts and weapons which you then can combine into more powerful or more diverse weapons (take a strong machine gun and combine it with an ice-effect machine gun and you get a strong ice-effect MG; you get the point). It’s fun to experiment with different weapons and combine so many until you find the perfect weapon for every Autobot. So if you’re a fan of the 80s cartoon series: pick it up! Now! It’s become dirt cheap pretty quickly. No excuses. (picture credit: Steam)

2. Yoshi’s Woolly World (WiiU)

Got this as a present, too. For my birthday in 2015 by my good friend and gaming buddy Christian. Not much to say here, either. It’s a Nintendo game. So naturally it looks gorgeous, the gameplay will work just fine and it will be a lot of fun. To be precise: yes, it did exactly this. But in a really great way. The graphics are extremely unique and innovative. The wool&yarn setting provides so many new takes on level design, art direction and gameplay ideas that the Nintendo team could just go nuts with it. With Yoshis tongue as a tool you can for example untie parts of the level to “unravel” (sic!) hidden passages it’s just adorable how you go “Aaahh”, each time you find something. Everything looks like good ol’ grandma knitted it herself with all the love she can put into a woolly stuffed animal or pillow. Everything looks organic and handmade which sets the game into a very graspable and physical world. Plus, typical for Nintendo: it’s not only for kids. Sure, it’s cute and all but the levels are actually pretty challenging. Especially if you want to collect all the thingamabobs and collectibles you can get in each level: collect five balls of yarn in each level to unlock a new colored Yoshi you can pick to play with. So the completionist really gets something out of this. Long story short: it’s a wonderful title and not just another Nintendo game but really creative, especially in game design and level design. (picture credit: Amazon)

3. Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture (PS4)

I heard about it shortly before I got a PS4 and I simply don’t play games on my PC or Mac that often. So I bought it right away because the idea and art style stoked me. The art style is not very, unique, since it’s basically pretty realistic. But the town they created is selling it. It’s authentic. You can visit the houses, they look as if people lived here a short time ago. Which is what actually happened. It’s one of the slightly patronizingly named “Walking Simulators”. I don’t think that this genre specification is derogatory because it just says what it is: you walk around a setting and explore things without too much interaction. In the end the voice acting and the mystical story behind the game took me by the hand and led me through the experience and left me thinking. I love it when games make me think about what I’ve just witnessed. So here’s to a great Walking Simulator with wonderful sound, story and voice acting. (picture credit: Polygon)

4. Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of The Moon (Wii)

This was recommended to me by a friend who told me that I’d love it because he knew my preferences in videogames, which he does. Farewell Ruins of the Moon is some kind of, well, it feels like a survival horror adventure at the beginning of the survival horror genre. Think early PS2 or Dreamcast era. The battle mechanics are dusty and wodden, the item management is tedious and a little annoying, the graphics are one step behind what was standard on the Wii. But still I grew to enjoy the game because of the beautiful setting, characters and story. Your main character is kind of left in a world where there’s not much left at all. He has to find out what happened and if there are others left, too. You find a girl which then runs away. From then on you try to find her. And after accepting that it’s like playing a good PS2 game instead of a polished Wii game I started loving everything about it (apart from the things I just criticised). I played it with original japanese voice and subtitles which made me enjoy the game a helluva lot more. I love japanese culture and it made the game better! Now it felt like an early take on what later became NIER, which I totally adore. The battle system is not really similar, but in a small scope I guess does have comparisons. But setting and look feel a little bit like Caviars masterpiece on Xbox360 and PS3 NIER. Over the course of the game you meet different characters and their respective background stories, which is really similar to NIER. All in all I recommend this game to anyone who can overlook the obvious flaws and who still enjoys PS2-era action-adventure games in an anime setting with a great story. (picture credit: Romulation.net)

5. Until Dawn (PS4)

Well, this is interesting. I heard a (german) podcast (Insert Moin) about Until Dawn before I owned a PS4 and heard them speak about this horror game with stereotype story, stereotype characters and overall very flat features. But they still said that the looks and the execution of these uninspired basic ideas totally hooked them. So I tried it and MAN was this a good horror game. And not only because they hired so many good actors to play the parts of the characters (like Rami Malek from Mr. Robot) but because the horror just kept up with the pace of the game. Each time I thought, “All right, brace yourself for the next expectable jump-scare” - it didn’t happen. The setting was just about right, the sound, the camera angle, the tension and then… nothing. “Whoops, okay. Maybe lat— BOOM”, and there it was. Shocked me to the core. Every_flippin’_time! I love myself a good horror game. But I’ve played so many that most of the “scary effects” just don’t touch me anymore. So here’s Until Dawn which actually has an intriguing storyline that makes you want to find out what’s behind all of it, with it’s stereotypical characters who actually react pretty well to each other depending on how you decide to play each and everyone of them. It’s a little like Heavy Rain with more characters that you can all play and a more horror setting (and with less shitty controls and a less shitty ending). Any horror game or -movie fan should play this! (picture credit: Until Dawn Wikia) 6. Uncharted 4 (PS4)

Well, it’s Uncharted. It’s like Indiana Jones but without Nazis and, well, that’s about it. I loved Uncharted 2, didn’t care for part 1 too much and haven’t played 3 because everybody said it’s boring and focused too much on the failed 3D-TV feature. But part 4 really got me again. I think it’s the best Uncharted after 2, as far as I can compare them all. Pirates, wonderful graphics, good ol’friends and foes, nice acting… A very good game. (picture credit: Playstation.com)

7. ABZÛ (PC)

I already posted something about this game right after I played it. Short: It’s JOURNEY underwater. But it’s not just that. It’s very beautiful, a lot of fun to just swim around and for every diving-fan a must play. The more you play it the more gorgeous it gets. Wonderful game. A story told without words. Always totally gets me. Plus like its spiritual predecessor Journey the soundtrack was written by the amazing Austin Wintory (link in the next bit). (picture credit: abzugame.com) 8. Journey (PS4)

There’s not much to say about JOURNEY these days. Anyone who hasn’t played it yet misses out on one of the best and most artistic approaches to videogames in the entire history of the medium. It is the first video game that was ever nominated for a Grammy for its marvellous soundtrack by amazing composer Austin Wintory (it didn’t win, but it was nominated!). It has one of the best online-multiplayer experiences ever where you meet other players along the way through the game who are in the same level as you and you then simply meet. Since there is no teamspeak, nor can you see the gamertag of that person, you have to communicate (if you want to approach the other player) through jumping, making a noise and walking and waiting if the other player follows you. Play it. Please play Journey. I finished it about 4 times now since release and in 2016 for the first time on PS4. It’s always a unique experience. Here the story is also told without any words, spoken or written. Absolutely my joint. (picture credit: thatgamecompany.com)

9. Love You To Bits (iOS)

This little 2D-puzzle adventure on iOS comes from a few artists behind Tiny Thief (which is very visible, but not in a negative way). You are are guy who’s in love with a robot girl. She gets destroyed and you have to search the whole universe to collect her bits and reassemble her. It’s incredibly detailed and shows a great deal of thought they put into the level design, little anecdotes and reminiscenses to other games. For example in one level there you go to an arcade and have to collect tokens from the arcade machines in order to exchange them for a prize that you need. These arcade machines are all teeny tiny games on their own. One Zelda-style, one Metroid-style and one other classic I just forgot about (I think it wasn’t Mario but something similar). Also it has the classic point-and-click humor to it that you want to click on a person or an item more than once because it’s just funny to watch what happens each time. There’s not only one single reaction. Each level has so many different layers of obvious beauty, deeper design of the puzzles and incredible re-defining ideas of how the level design and game design can be altered in order to keep up the playing experience. Very well done and it has a lot of levels that kept me playing for a long long time for a mobile game. Plus there are some collectibles that are actually fun to discover because they mostly are incorporated in little extra puzzles that you don’t have to solve to complete the level but if you like the challenge it’s great. Again: story without words. I LOVE it to bits. (picture credit: loveyoutobits.com)

10. The Bug Butcher (PS4)

Buddies of a buddie of mine made this Super Putty-like game. It kinda looks like some sort of Super Meat Boy in space with the Super Putty game mechanics. It’s good, short fun with very well animated enemies, a good weapons and upgrades system and a nice fast paced gameplay. Definitely a recommendation for all of you old school gamers out there. There’s really not much more to say about it. You play some sort of pest-control bug smasher and have to rid a lab from alien bugs and other creatures. Level by level you eliminate waves of bugs, trying to keep up your combo and collecting nice temporary weapon updates. It’s good fun and also a great co-op title, I suppose (haven’t played in two player mode yet). (picture credit: awfullynicestudios.com) 11. Shovel Knight (WiiU)

Wuahahaha, Shovel Knight is SO MUCH of everything I loved about the NES. It’s Mega Man, Castlevania, Metroid, Contra, Faxanadu and Zelda II in ONE GAME COMBINED. I love it a lot. The gameplay surely is inspired by all the aforementioned games but Yacht Games made it clear that they simply took everything they loved about these kinds of games and forged something beautiful out of it instead of just copying the good. It’s highly detailed in art style, music, game design and feel of the game that I couldn’t leave my hands off of it until I finished it. Some levels were actually too challenging so I left them out (well, the optional ones, naturally; otherwise I couldn’t have finished it) but overall it’s never too frustrating. Like in Super Meat Boy (my go-to example of perfect game design) Shovel Knight lets you know where you went wrong when you die and gives you a chance to make things right in collecting the loot that you lost dying. All in all it’s a great game for all the NES-lovers out there. Play it! No matter the system (Wii, Vita, PS4, 3DS) - it’s awesome! Oh, and check out the soundtrack by Jake Kaufman who also did some wonderful soundtracks for my beloved Shantae series, Double Dragon Neon and Mighty Switch Force. Get it here on Bandcamp for name-your-price (and please pay a buck or two for it; it’s totally worth it). (picture credit: yachtclubgames.com)

12. Pony Island

Yeah… one of the weirdest and still most intriguing games I’ve ever played, I’d say. It makes you think that the game actually f*cks with your computer. It’s fascinating how for example it tricks you into thinking that your computer does something regularly only for you to realize that it was a decoy. Overall the coding sequences, the weird jump’n’run passages and the general “genre”… it’s one of a kind. I also wrote a seperate review on this one. For that check this older post. (picture credit: giga.de) 13. The Vanishing of Ethan Carter (PS4)

Yet another “walking simulator”, but with a twist. We have some strange meta-puzzles going on here, some David Lynchian shenanigans going on and overall a sad but interesting story to unravel. You’re a detective or PI of some sort who tries to find out what happened with Ethan Carter. The story is told via ghostly visualizations of past events of the former townspeople. Setting/graphics is good and the whole game is always good for a surprise. Check it out. (picture credit: theastronauts.com)

14. Adventure Time: Finn&Jake Investigations (PS4)

“Who wants to play videogames?” I love Adventure Time and this game feels basically like playing Adventure Time. It’s an adventure (duh!) and this genre suits the TV show very well. The dialogues are funny, the voices are real (except, I’m not sure and too lazy to google but Lumpy Space Princess didn’t sound quite right; she might have been voiced by someone else) and the graphics are beautifully detailed. Just as in the show. And you have Marceline, Ice King, Tree Trunks, Finn and Jake of course, Beamo, LSP, Cinnamon Butler, Starchy, Bubblegum Princess, Flame Princess… everyone you love. The puzzles are rather simple and overall it’s a game for kids, I’d say. Still I had a lot of fun with it. (picture credit: Steam)

15. Shantae and the Pirate’s Curse (3DS)

Now here’s my discovery of the year! I actually downloaded the Game Boy Color game on my 3DS before after a buddy of mine recommended it to me. But I haven’t spent much time with it. Then Humble released a 3DS bundle, so I got Shantae and The Pirate’s Curse, too. And this is one of the best (even if it’s not the deepests but still good) Metroidvania games I have played in a long long time. The setting is utterly fresh and unique with Shantae being a half-genie who protects an island from pirates and such. The graphics are like a mixture of anime and Disney and the characters are adorable, even the bad ones. The level design is beautiful and very diverse. There’s Metroidvania-typical back tracking which is still fun because of the great level design and art style: you can remember where there was that one particular item you could only get if you are able to jump higher, if you know what I mean. The boss fights are great, the items are good, the only thing I would have wished for is more character development as in Super Metroid or Symphony of the Night. There are some permanent improvements of Shantae but some of them I didn’t use that much. But I guess that’s true also for Metroid and Castlevania. I fell in love with the franchise, bought XSEEDs boxed version of the new “1/2 Genie Hero” for PS4 (finally HD sprites) and the older versions from Limited Run Games. I’m happy that Shantae is in my life now. :) Awesome Soundtrack by Jake Kaufman again. (picture credit: Playstation Store)

16. Dragon’s Crown (PS3)

And finally I completed Dragon’s Crown. I simply adore Vanilla Ware’s art style. It’s perfect. It’s manga style with a traditional japanese AND a traditional medieval touch. It’s so unique. Although the overly lascivious looks of some female characters in the game stirred up quite the discussion. I myself think that it’s beautiful and not sexist. The women characters are just as overly exaggerated as the male ones and just so they are equally strong. But it’s not just the looks of Vanilla Ware. They make astonishing games, too. The gameplay of Dragon’s Crown is basically a simple side scroll hack’n’slash like Castle Crashers or Golden Axe. There’s much more character development though, like in Diablo. With the use of Runes you can use magic, you grind for nice weapon drops and stats increase and you constantly mix up your party with the revived warriors whose bones you brought back from your battles. The story is told well without cinematics but with great slightly animated still pictures of the characters, each of which you could print and hang on your wall easily. So well made. Plus after one complete run (it took me 18 hours) there’s the new game + with new tasks, side quests, harder enemies and basically the same levels in more difficult if you want to get the most out of the game. I highly recommend this to any fan of the aforementioned games or any real time RPGs.

(picture credit: dealspwn.com)

P.S.: all pictures I took from teh internets. I credited each page where I got the pics from. If any owner of these pictures wants me to take them down, just let me know and I’ll follow accordingly.

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