#I found my mom a new house doctor and he was actually really good and listened and took his time with her!!

[jewshboy]

today has been such a good day

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter seven: "This is calm and it's doctor"

Summary: So, apparently, Emily ain't dead, and the team is in shock. Spencer and reader talk about what they would do if they didn't work at the BAU. Only two weeks 'till the wedding! 

Warnings: Smut, sex in a car, 'cos Spencer is a kinky man who just needed a woman in love with him to show it. Cursing. The usual.  

Word count: 12K 

A/N: Hey!  So, our babies are mad at JJ, and I get it. I would be mad at her too. What do you guys think? 

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

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(Y/N)’s point of view

Let’s jump forward three and a half months in time and let me tell you how everything changed in the BAU without us even arguing about it. First of all, Hotch had been sent on a special mission to the middle east, and none of us had heard much from him ever since. I knew sometimes Morgan called him ‘cos he was the head of the team during that time, but that was it. On the other hand, Seaver left the BAU and joined SSA Andi Swan in the Domestic Trafficking Task Force. I didn’t miss her, and I was most of all relieved to have her far away from Spencer. Though in the last few weeks of her work at the BAU, we were finally getting a little better. But no, I always knew we were not going to be friends.

Good news: JJ was back in the BAU, and not as a communication liaison, but as a profiler. I was really excited about that. It was refreshing to have her after losing Emily. We still missed Prentiss very much. Way too much. I knew both me and Spencer had looked for comfort in JJ ‘cos it felt she was way stronger than us. Stronger than Garcia, that’s for sure. Poor Pen would always end up crying wherever we brought Emily up in any random conversation. JJ always made us feel better whenever we felt sad. She had the perfect way to cheer us up and keep us focused on what mattered.

And at that moment in life, what mattered the most was our wedding. We were three weeks from the date, and all the preparations kept us busy most of our free time. I was doing my best not to turn into a bridezilla, but considering I was under a lot of stress, it was one of the hardest tasks ever.

Penelope and Lu helped big time. They were my bridesmaids, always with me when I needed advice, concentration or just to escape away from the whole wedding preparations for a while. My wedding dress had been already picked and it was hidden in Lu’s house to keep it away from Spencer’s eyes. Mom had joined us in picking it up, and honestly, it was stressful but rewarding. I tried over twenty different dresses, and at a certain point, I nearly quit and convinced Spencer to get married in the courthouse on a random Wednesday. That was until I found the perfect dress in a small store. It fit like a globe, and it made everybody cry the second they saw me walking out of the dressing room with it.

I missed Prentiss. She would have been the voice of reason between Lu and Garcia. JJ tried to do it, but with a kid at home, she didn’t have enough time to do much except be a mom when we weren’t at work. Besides, we had been swamped at the BAU, with seventeen cases in fourteen weeks, it had been crazy. I was looking forward to our honeymoon. Two weeks traveling Europe with Spencer seemed to be the perfect getaway from everything that had been going on in the latest months.

Things were relatively calm. Until hell was unchained.

People say when one thing goes wrong, everything else follows. And for once, that was way too real and hard to deal with.

It all started with a call from Penelope to meet in the briefing room one early morning. Neither Spencer nor I ever suspected she and Morgan were actually looking for Ian Doyle behind our backs to avenge Prentiss’ death. And I blame the wedding. Spencer and I were so deep into all the arrangements for our day, we missed all the signs. Again, for the second time that very same year.

Apparently, Hotch knew Morgan and Penelope had a plan: they were looking for Declan, Doyle’s kid, because they were certain he was going to try to localize him. And that was when they were going to catch him. I was deep into catering budgets and bands’ tapes to know a thing about their plan. It was a good plan, and a part of me still thinks I would have been useful to localize that asshole and make him pay. But they kept me and Reid in the dark, to let us enjoy our happiness and plan our wedding in peace. When you think about it that way, it was sweet. I am still mad about it from time to time, but I can see their motives.

When we walked into the room, Morgan and Garcia filled us with all the details of their investigation. It was just them, Spencer, JJ, Rossi, and I. That was the entire team at that moment. And we had a mission: stop Doyle from getting Declan. Dereck explained Hotch was on his way back to America to help us catch that asshole, and for a few minutes, I was shocked by all that had been going on behind our backs.

- “Now you know how I felt when I discovered you never told us you had moved in together”- Penelope said as soon as I complained about their silence.

- “There is no way this can be compared to that on any level! We are talking about the bastard that killed our friend!”- I argued and Morgan sighed.

- “I am sorry, pretty girl. But we couldn’t get any of you involved in this. Not until now, at least. But at this moment, we are so close to getting him and finally getting closure, we need to be together.”- I sighed and nodded. Spencer held my hand upon the table and agreed as well.

And that was how it all began.

JJ and Morgan had a snipper outside of Doyle’s residence. Meanwhile, Spencer, Rossi, and I went looking for Declan at his boarding school. But he wasn’t there. Apparently, he got sick, so the headmistress allowed him to go home. That meant that we headed to his house right away. I already had a very bad feeling about it all.

Spencer called JJ to notify the whole situation, while Rossi and I approached the door quickly. The lights were out, and the agent’s car was right outside. But it didn’t seem to be anyone home.

The three of us walked into that house holding our guns and pointing at any possible sign of Doyle. We had to protect Declan from his father, ‘cos until that minute, we thought he was the worst threat that poor kid had. We were so innocent back then.

We searched the entire home, no signs of the kid. The two officials that were supposed to put an eye on him were down. Rossi found one in the kitchen, and Spencer got one in the living room.

- “I'll check the back. You, kids, take the hallway.”- Papa Pasta commanded as he walked to the other side of the house. Spencer looked at me and I nodded, walking toward the door.

- “Careful”- he whispered, covering my back. I slowly opened the closet door and someone fell from it. We both took a step back immediately, Spencer kept pointing the gun at the woman as I took her signals. She was gone. Rossi walked over that second and sighed.

- “Three bodies, no kid. Doyle has him.”

While I called for an ambulance, Spencer called JJ and updated her on the status on our end. I thought we had shocking news, but she beat us. Morgan had gotten Doyle. He had him, the ghost he had been trying to catch for over the last three months was officially under FBI custody.

- “We are on our way”- Spencer announced and looked at me- “They got him. They got Doyle.”

- “Alive?!”- I could barely believe my ears. Spencer nodded and held my hand as we stood at one side of the living room, watching the forensic analyze the crime scene.

- “But how?! When?”

- “Right now, they are taking him back to Quantico.”

- “And Hotch? Is he here already?”

- “Derek is on the phone with him as we speak.”

Spencer was serious, honestly concerned. I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to hold himself together. He was clenching his jaw as he locked his eyes on the carpet. I slowly moved my hand until I reached his arm, rubbing it carefully, trying to comfort him. I knew what was going through his mind, he wanted to avenge Emily’s death. We had talked about this a bunch of times, the thought of how it would feel to end with Doyle and make him pay. I wondered if Derek was dealing with the same feeling. He had been so mad in the last few months I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be near him when he interrogated Doyle.

- “Hey… where are you?”- I whispered and looked at Spencer’s softening face as he turned to look at me.

- “I’m here, with you.”- his voice was low. He linked his fingers between mine and moved forward my body, leaving a soft kiss on my forehead- “How are you?”

- “I wanna go to the BAU and kill Doyle”- I replied and waited for his reaction. He just nodded and kept staring at my fingers between his.

- “I know how you feel.”- there was a brief silence between us until Reid’s comment surprised me deeply.

- “When we are back to Quantico, I want you to stay away from that asshole.”

- “He is being held in custody. There is no way he can do anything to me.”- I replied, confused by his attitude. It's not like Doyle could hurt me.

- “I don’t care if he is in prison or has a thousand guards. He killed Emily, I am not gonna put you at risk.”- a part of me wanted to argue I could take care of myself, but I understood where that fear was coming from, so I didn’t reply and for once, I just nodded and agreed with him. The way Spencer smiled relieved at my answer was enough to warm my heart. He was nervous I could get hurt. And though under those circumstances, it wasn't something likely to happen, he was still worried for me. He really loved me.

- “Don’t worry Garcia, you were busy looking for Doyle.”- we both heard Rossi on the phone and quickly walked to him, waiting for the news.

- “What happened?”- I asked as he hung up the phone.

- “She didn't see a team on the footage.”

- “This was well-organized. One could have cut the camera while the other started in here.”- Spencer pointed and Rossi added immediately.

- “So they cut off the power, but no signs of forced entry. So how do you overpower two armed agents?”

- “A male and a female. Maybe whoever did this posed as the next shift?”- I suggested and Spencer nodded as Rossi agreed and added.

- “Makes sense. Everything about them seems efficient.”

- “Except they took the time to shove her in the closet.”- Spencer questioned and we started walking to the closet.

- “Then this is personal and professional at the same time”- I pointed out. Once we stood outside where the nanny was found dead, we stared at all the clothing hanging in it.

- “Only Declan and the caregiver live here, so whose stuff is this?”- my question was more thinking out loud. Neither of them answered, but Rossi measured one of the jackets.

- “Forty long.”

- “You still think Doyle's behind this?”- I could feel Spencer’s doubt in his question. Honestly, just by looking at the crime scene, it was very hard to tell. Rossi looked at us and sighed.

- “He's capable of a lot of things, kid. But being in two places at once isn't one of them.”

Spencer’s point of view

I know I’ve never been a violent man. I never was good for fights growing up, and in the BAU I still preferred staying at the police station, working on the geographic profile than being on the field, running after serial killers. But that night, I didn’t think I could control myself if I had the chance to be near Ian Doyle. I wanted to kill him with my own hands. I wanted to lock the door behind my back and beat the shit out of him until he didn’t breathe anymore.

Of course, I knew I couldn’t do such a thing, but my mind kept going to that place as we got closer to the BAU. I even drove the entire way back, trying to keep my mind from all those dark places. I failed, but at least I tried.

Derek was locked with Doyle, trying to dig up who might have kidnapped his son Declan for revenge. That was a very long list to write, and there was too much info to gather. (Y/N) and I stayed in the meeting room, setting the boards with all the information we had so far, and trying to discover who had taken the poor kid the entire night, drinking coffee and working along with Garcia.

- “What do we have so far?”- I heard Hotch’s voice all of a sudden, the sun was already out when he showed up in the BAU. (Y/N) literally ran to hug him, and for a moment I saw a smile on his lips.

- “Welcome back”- I said and waved as (Y/N) whipped off her tears and shook her head.

- “Sorry Hotch, I’m just very happy to see you.”

- “I’m happy to be here. Now, what do we have?”

- “So far, not much. We managed to get a top 10 Doyle’s enemies list, and Garcia is trying to localize them all”- I explained and Hotch just nodded. It was clear he hadn’t had much rest in the last few hours. Just like us.

- “Where is Morgan?”

- “Still talking with Doyle. Rossi is there as well.”- (Y/N) added the second Garcia walked into the room.

- “Welcome back, sir.”

- “Thank you. What have you got?”

- “Got a top-10 list of Doyle's enemies.”

- “Yes, anybody recently in the states?”

- “Richard Gerace's been here a few weeks. He's a low-level gun who angrily crossed paths with Doyle. I caught an image of him on the surveillance camera at Declan's house, and confirmed it was him through a scar on his neck.”

- “All right. Get me everything you can on Gerace.”- Garcia made a pause and sighed, defeated.

- “Yeah. What I just told you is everything I've got.”- Hotch didn’t say another word and just walked out of the room. (Y/N) held Garcia’s hand and cut her a short smile, we all knew she was doing the best she could. We were all trying our best, but there wasn’t much information so far.

- “Derek is still talking with Doyle? It's been forever”- Penelope asked and we both nodded- “And we still got nothing.”

- “You just gave us some advantage. Knowing his enemies will help find the unsub.”- (Y/N) said, trying to cheer Garcia. I knew she was just as mad as I was, but it was sweet watching her take care of our friend. It was clear Penelope needed to feel comfort after what had happened. After catching Doyle and knowing the bastard who killed our friend was right there and we couldn’t hurt him. We all needed to stay calm and not let our feelings get in the way. Of course, that is easier said than done.

(Y/N), Garcia, and I stayed at the briefing office for another hour, staring at the boards and the files, trying to find something we hadn’t seen before. Trying to break a case, though all I could think of was breaking Doyle’s face. Until we watched Morgan, JJ, and Rossi walk in. They all looked exhausted.

- “You get anywhere with Doyle?”- I asked Morgan as he walked in and shook his head, defeated.

- “Doyle doesn't think Gerace has the guts to take him on.”

- “But that's definitely Gerace on the tape.”- Garcia argued, but there was nothing we could say about it.

- “Welcome back.”- Derek said the second Hotch walked into the room, looking as serious as always.

- “Thanks. Everybody, have a seat.”

- “Why? What's going on? Is everything alright?”- (Y/N) asked and looked around, kind of scared. I held her hand as she sat by my side and tried to contain her as much as possible. We had no idea what was going on, but it comforted me to know we were surrounded by all the people we trusted, and having Doyle under custody gave us the chance to lock him and have some closure after losing Prentiss.

- “Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.”- Hotch started, crossing his arms on his chest, and looking at us, unreadable. JJ stood beside him and cut me a short sympathetic smile.

- “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. But the doctors were able to stabilize her. And she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.”

The only thing I could process was: “the doctors were able to stabilize her.” What was Hotch talking about?

- “What?”- (Y/N) whispered as we all looked at each other, trying to understand what Hotch was saying. Derek raised an eyebrow and turned to Rossi, who looked completely lost. Garcia’s eyes were already watery and Jennifer just… stood there, trying to look composed.

- “Her identity was strictly need-to-know.”- Hotch continued- “And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

My brain tried to understand all the information Hotch had just given us, but it was too much.

- “What?! Are you saying Emily is alive?!”- (Y/N) nearly yelled and widened her eyes, in shock. Hotch didn’t reply. He just looked at us with a broken-hearted look, asking for forgiveness as he stared at our shocked expression.

- “But we buried her”- I argued, trying to understand how our Unit Chief lied to us so much and for so long, related to something as important as Emily’s life.

- “As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.”- Hotch answered and I couldn’t even move. I just held (Y/N)’s hand and felt her shaking.

- “Any issues? Yeah, I got issues!”- Derek shouted. He was so mad for a second I thought he could even punch Hotch. But then we all heard someone approaching the door and Garcia simply gasped with tears falling down her eyes.

- “Oh, my God.”

I quickly turned to the door and there she was: Emily Prentiss. She was alive and standing right in front of us. I kept staring at her apologetic face, still trying to comprehend what was happening. She was alive, she was there, she never died. But we grieved, we mourned, we suffered. We cried and Hotch knew it was all for nothing ‘cos our friend was in fact alive and hiding on the other side of the planet.

I didn’t register if Hotch said another word, I just saw (Y/N) running toward the door, hugging Emily, nearly tackling her as she started sobbing. Her cries were heartbreaking to me, and I would have given my life to comfort her.

- “You are here”- I heard my girlfriend whisper as she wrapped her arms tight around Emily, and hugged her close.

- “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

- “But you are alive.”

- “Yes, and I didn’t want to stay away from you, but I had to.”

Garcia stood up and walked to Emily as well, hugging her while sobbing. I just stared at the scene for a moment, trying to understand. I couldn’t believe Emily was in fact standing there. I stood up after a few minutes and hugged her as well. I was so deeply happy to see Prentiss and relieved she was alive. I imagined how she had been away from us, from her family, simply hiding all alone.

- “I am so sorry. I really am.”- hearing Emily’s voice made my heart ache.

- “Shit! You are real”- (Y/N) whispered and Prenttis nodded.

- “And not a day went by that I didn't want to…”- Emily looked at Morgan, but he just stood there, keeping his distance, staring at her in shock. She walked toward him as she kept talking, and I felt (Y/N)’s hand holding me, intertwining our fingers. I turned to her and wiped off a few tears that fell from her eyes. She cut me a short smile and her cheeks blushed. She hadn’t looked so happy in weeks, and that smile made my heart flutter.

- “Really, I… you didn't deserve that. And I'm so sorry.”- Emily hugged Morgan for a moment. He stared at me while she did, and he hesitantly wrapped his arm around her body. The moment was brief, and Derek was still shocked when Prentiss moved from him and walked towards the boards.

- “There's so much I want to tell you guys, and I will. I promise. But right now I really need to know what's going on with Declan.”

And just like that, it was time to suppress our feelings and focus on finding that missing kid. (Y/N) wiped off her tears and grabbed her cup of coffee as I walked towards Emily and started asking questions.

- “Emily, was there a man living at the house?”

- “Yes. My friend Tom Koehler. He was raising Declan as his own.”- she answered and I felt glad we were finally getting the info we needed to finish this case.

- “Where is he?”- (Y/N) asked her as she walked over and stood by her side- “We watched all the surveillance tapes and we never saw him go in or out of that house.”

- “He was on assignment overseas.”- Prentiss simply replied.

- “But he's all right?”- Garcia questioned, concerned.

- “Yes. He's on his way back now. He got a call from Declan, he called me, and when I landed, Hotch told me that you had Doyle in custody.”

- “And because of Tom's line of work, that's why you enrolled Declan in a boarding school.”- Hotch added, I don’t know if he was asking or deducing, but he was right.

- “I made sure that he, Louise, and I were the only ones allowed to take him off campus.”- Emily explained.

- “Louise took him home last night because he was sick.”- I announced and (Y/N) quickly added.

- “Food poisoning.”

- “Yeah, a few of the kids had it, apparently. So whoever did this got to him on campus. They knew they only had one chance.”- I finished my idea and heard (Y/N) explaining.

- “Our current suspect is Richard Gerace. He's the most recent arrival into the states. We've been tracking his progress through the city, but we came up empty.”

- “But we know it's him because he has the scar.”- Garcia added. I looked at Morgan for a moment and he didn’t seem to be there. He was lost in his head. Still shocked, probably.

- “That doesn't make sense. Gerace gave up on Doyle a long time ago.”- Prentiss said and her words made me frown.

- “He said you were the only one who knew Gerace.”- Rossi added.

- “Which is why I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the balls to pull this off.”- Emily was very sure of her words - “There was no forced entry at the house?”

- “I had two agents working security.”- Morgan said, but that was all he managed to pronounce. He was hurt.

- “We think Gerace and his partner posed as the next shift, and one of the agents was a woman.”- I quickly added and my thought seemed to make sense to Prentiss, ‘cos she nodded right away.

- “She's the Alpha.”

- “So we're looking for a woman who's getting back at Doyle.”- (Y/N) sentenced and sighed.

- “And our suspect list just got a whole lot longer.”- Prentiss cut her a short smile.

- “Excuse me.”- Morgan mumbled and walked out of the room all of a sudden. Emily kept her eyes on him as he did, and I could feel her brokenhearted look.

I didn’t know what was gonna happen, I just knew I had to focus on the case first. My heart was still racing in my chest as I looked at Prentiss talking facts with (Y/N) and JJ, but I knew it was no time to be emotional. It was time to be rational.

(Y/N)’s point of view

The day had taken a very weird spin. My friend wasn’t dead, she was alive and standing right behind me as we watched Penelope run a database of Doyle’s ex-girlfriends. There were a lot of them, that I can say.

- “Doyle had relations with all of these ladies?”- I questioned, slightly shocked, and Prentiss nodded with a grin.

- “Most.”

- “Wow.”

- “Hey, can you shoot these into the roundtable room for me?”

- “Anything you say, visitor Prentiss.”- Garcia giggled at her own words and Emily hugged her for a second, before we walked out of the room, leaving Garcia alone.

- “So you're actually back.”- Prentiss asked JJ

- “They've been looking for your replacement, and Rossi called me.”- Jenniffer explained.

- “That's great. How's Will with the long hours again?”- I knew for act Will hadn't been happy with JJ's return to the BAU, which explains why she only replied with a cold:

- “Long story.”

- “I haven't seen Ashley. (Y/N), is she still alive?”- I chuckled and nodded

- “Yes, she is. She transferred to Andi Swann's Unit a few weeks ago.”

- “Good for her.”

- “And good for me”- I sentenced and clapped. That’s when my friend grabbed my hand and stopped walking.

- “Oh my god! (Y/N)! What’s this ring?”- I laughed as she held my hand to take a better look at it- “Did boy wonder pop the question already?!”- I grinned and nodded as Emily hugged me and congratulated me.

- “And you are officially invited, it’s in three weeks, so get ready.”

- “Three weeks?! Oh, Jesus! You are not wasting time anymore, are you?”

- “Nope, we are already living together, actually.”

- “What? You never told me any of this!”- Emily turned to JJ demanding an explanation.

And that was when it hit me.

JJ knew Emily was alive and never told us. She saw us crying and consoled us. But she never told us our friend was alive and well. She could have, but she never did.

- “Excuse me, I have to answer this”- the phone took me from my thoughts and I quickly walked to my desk for a moment- “Hello?”

- “Miss (Y/L/N)? It’s Stacy, your wedding planner.”

- “Hey Stacy! How are you?”

- “I’m ok, you?”

- “Work is crazy around here”- Stacy knew we were both FBI agents, which was the main reason why we had a wedding planner after all. She didn’t ask much about our life that wasn’t related to the wedding, and I liked that.

- “I just needed to tell you we finally have the DJ confirmation for the date, so we are all set.”

- “That’s great! Finally, everything is ready!”

- “Yes”- she chuckled as I sighed, feeling a weight had been taken from my shoulders- “I’m gonna send the contract to your apartment so you and Dr. Reid can both look at it and sign it.”

- “Great! I’ll text you as soon as we get it.”

Spencer appeared by my side the moment I hung up the phone. He held my hand and rubbed his thumb against my chuckles slowly.

- “How do you feel, ma cherie?”

- “I don’t know. I’m happy but nervous… and still very much shocked by Emily's news. You?”- He sat on the edge of my desk and stared at me.

- “Me too. I can’t believe she is here, alive.”

- “I’m so glad to know she is safe, but…”- I paused and looked around- “I kinda feel betrayed…”

- “By JJ? Me too”- I stared at my fiancé and he nodded, moving closer to me- “She knew it all, she saw us crying, and yet she didn’t say a thing.”

- “I can understand she couldn’t tell us, but it still hurts.”- I whispered and he caressed my cheek for a moment.

- “(Y/L/N), Reid”- Rossi called us from the meeting room and we paused our conversation. It was time to work, and duty came first.

- “These women are associates of Doyle's who may have crossed paths with Gerace.”- Prentiss pointed at a long list of women on the screen

- “Anyone had a deeper personal connection with Doyle?”- Derek questioned.

- “Whoever took Declan showed a lot of rage at the nanny, that was clearly personal”- I pointed at her picture on the board, everyone looked except for Garcia.

- “She had been with Doyle since before Declan was born.”- Prentiss explained, and suddenly I remembered she had in fact lived with Doyle and she was also his lover while she was undercover. I had forgotten that part of the story.

- “The nanny represents a caregiver, a mother figure.”- Spencer continued talking and suddenly, the evident question surfaced.

- “Who is Declan's mother?”- I asked Prentiss and she stared at me with a blank expression.

- “Doyle told me she was dead.”

- “I have the feeling he was lying.”- I added and Hotch nodded. It was time to continue with the interrogation.

Spencer and I stayed with Garcia in the meeting room while Prentiss talked to Doyle. Spencer really wanted to keep me away from Doyle no matter what. Even though now we knew Emily was alive and well.

Ten minutes later, Hotch, Morgan, and JJ came back with a name: Chloe Donaghy.

- “She brought tainted cupcakes to the boarding school and just walked right in.”- Morgan pointed out as we watched the security camera from Declan’s boarding school.

- “Oh, that is creepy.”- Pen whispered and I nodded in support.

- “Exactly, we thought Doyle was bad. Check her out. She ran an international prostitution ring before moving on to chemicals.”- I said as I read her background trying to understand how a woman like that was actually able to bring a baby into this world.

- “Distribution and trafficking, manufacturing, possession, weapon charges? She went away for 3 years.”- Spencer continued reading and I nodded. Garcia wide opened her eyes in shock.

- “That's it?”

- “She hardly seems like the mothering type.”- JJ pointed out and somehow it made me angry to hear her speak- “Why would she take Declan?”

- “It isn't love.”- Hotch said, staring at the screen.

- “Forgetting the international ties for a minute, what would these unsubs do?”- I asked the team as we all sat around the table, sharing ideas.

- “You know, statistically the abduction of a child by its mother, no matter the psychological disposition of said mother, would be one of low risk to a child.”- Spencer said, moving his hands as he spoke, the way I always loved.

- “She's got plenty of connections. She could go underground.”- Rossi thought out loud

- “Is there anywhere in the U. S. Where Chloe and Doyle had a history?”- Hotch asked Pen.

- “No. But they do have a lot of ties in Europe.”

- “Doyle came up with associates of Chloe's who have healthy bank accounts.”- Emily walked in suddenly, it was still shocking to see her just walking around.

- “He thinks it's a trade?”- I asked, surprised.

- “For what, weapons? Drugs?”- JJ asked and again, hearing her voice so near me automatically upset me. That couldn’t be good. It was clear I had some resentment against her, and I knew I had to work on that before it started affecting our work. Bad news: I didn’t have time to process anything, and I was so mad I really didn’t want to do it.

- “Does it matter?”- Emily asked and Hotch gave Pen the sheet of info.

- “Garcia, run these names. See if any have local connections.”

- “Yeah. What else should I be looking for, you guys?”

- “Secluded properties.”- Rossi suggested.

- “A legitimate business that requires international bank accounts and trade.”- Derek added.

- “It could be mundane. They survive under the radar.”- I said and Spencer nodded in agreement. I loved it when we thought the same.

- “Garcia, start with Irish backgrounds. This type of feud could go back generations.”- Derek suggested and Pen typed quickly.

- “Oh. It looks like the Doyles and the McDermotts have a thing.”- she alerted us in a few seconds, reading her screen.

- “What kind of thing?”- I asked and moved closer to look at her computer.

- “Ian Doyle murdered Jimmy McDermott, but his younger brother Lachlan owns an import company.”

- “Do they ship internationally?”- Hotch asked.

- “You know it. He has three warehouses, one of which is slated to be demolished.”

- “Where?”- Reid questioned.

- “Inner Harbor, Baltimore.”- she gave us the address and I knew right away we were going.

- “Let's go.”- Hotch commanded and we all stood up at the same time- “(Y/L/N), you and Reid stay here with Emily.”- he added as soon as he saw us gathering our things. I just nodded and watched how everyone else left the room.

There was silence among us. I grabbed my cup of coffee and took a sip of it and turned to Spencer.

- “Hey, by the way, the DJ confirmed”- I simply said and watched his face change into a smile

- “Great, so we are all set, finally.”

- “Congratulations.”- Emily whispered and looked at us- “I’m glad you are getting married soon.”

- “Thank you, Emily.”- Spencer replied and cleared his throat. Yes, it was weird, but it didn’t have to, I thought.

- “You missed the most romantic proposal, though”- I added and she looked at me, intrigued- “He sang a song live at a concert with the band to ask me to marry him. The entire place cheered him.”

- “Are you serious? That’s so romantic! I’m very glad you are tying the knot soon.”

- “You are invited.”- Spencer added and smiled at her- “We would love to have you there.”

- “I would love to be there as well!”- Prentiss replied with a big smile. Spencer nodded, grabbed his cup, and walked out.

- “Is he mad at me?”- Emily whispered as she watched Reid walk out of the room.

- “No, he just needs some more time to deal with it all. But trust me, he is glad you are here.”- I replied and smiled at Em- “Come on, let’s get some more coffee while you tell me what you’ve done these three months you’ve been away.”

Honestly, I don’t know if a part of Spencer was mad at Prentiss at that minute, but I couldn’t tell her that. We were already under a lot of stress to keep adding more factors to the situation. It didn’t get better when Spencer got a call as the three of us stood outside Doyle’s interrogation room.

- “Declan's disappeared.”- my fiancé announced as soon as he hung up- “They had him at the warehouse, but now they're gone.”- and just like that, Spencer opened the door, gave me a knowing look, reminding me I had promised him I wasn’t going near that man, and finally locked himself with Doyle.

- “Your ex is working with Lachlan McDermott.”- he spat the words coldly as the prisoner stared at him, not showing any emotion- “How would he leave the country?”

- “I don't know. He's got endless funds. You'll never stop him.”- Doyle replied coldly.

- “He hates you, doesn't he?”- Spencer’s tone was cold and tired, annoyed by Doyle’s mere existence.

- “More than you do.”- the prisoner mumbled, and at that minute I wasn’t sure that was entirely true.

- “Then I think we should give him what he really wants. You.”

My heart jumped as soon as I heard and watched Spencer acting so dominant and serious around Doyle. There was a weird mix of lust and fear inside me, fighting in my stomach.

I wanted to open the door and stop Spencer from doing anything crazy, but at the same time, I understood where all that emotion and rage was coming from. I was so focused on Spencer that I didn’t register Emily bursting into the room and nearly yelling.

- “No, we are not letting him out of here, Reid.”

- “Emily, I will chain myself to him if I have to.”- my fiancé nearly yelled in frustration as Prenstiss argued back.

- “He'll find a way to escape!”

- “No, he won't, and we're running out of time. If we find McDermott now, we have a chance to save Declan.”- Emily thought about it for a good minute before saying she had to call Hotch, and left the room. Spencer closed the door and walked back to me, leaving Doyle alone.

- “Are you ok?”- I whispered and held his hand. He was shaking.

- “Yes…”- of course, he was not, but I couldn’t just point out the obvious. Instead, I tried to ease his mood.

- “Will you actually be willing to chain yourself to him?”

- “Yes, why?”- he raised an eyebrow, probably waiting for me to try to talk him out of the idea.

- “I’m so jealous”- I whispered and watched him smile for a moment.

- “Don’t be. You are the only person on earth I wanna be chained to”

- “We should try it”- I whispered and watched him take a step closer to me and give me a short peck on the lips, knowing there were cameras in the room and someone might be watching.

- “As soon as we are home, ma cherie.”- he whispered and I nodded.

- “She is in”- Emily announced as she stormed into the room- “Strauss gave us permission. Let’s go!”

And that is how I ended up in a helicopter next to Emily and Spencer, who had Ian Doyle grabbed by the arm, even during the flight. We didn’t say much as we flew to the designated location. I know Spencer didn’t want me close to Doyle at all, but there was nothing he could do at that minute to keep me from doing my work. Emily wasn’t carrying a gun, I had to be the one securing the prisoner with him. I sighed thinking about a little moment we had shared at the BAU when we were getting ready to depart. How Spencer made sure my bulletproof vest was absolutely secured before we got Doyle. How he kissed me sweetly and asked me to please be careful and not do anything too risky. I know I asked him to promise me the same, but the fact he was so concerned melted me. He really did love me, and I couldn’t wait to marry him. However, right there, at that minute, it wasn’t the moment to get emotional and start thinking about the wedding.

- “Ready?”- Spencer asked and I nodded as the helicopter landed- “Hotch, we are coming out”- he let our Unit Chief know and at his command, we started moving out.

The entire team was already at the runaway, pointing at the jet that was about to take off. I grabbed one of Doyle’s arms tight as Spencer grabbed the other, and we both followed Hotch’s instruction and walked him to McDermott, who had just exited the jet with Declan.

- “Get over there, boy. Bring Doyle here! I want him here on his knees!”- I heard the bastard yelling as Spencer and I started walking Doyle from the helicopter to the jet.

- “Hotch, are we really gonna do this?”- I heard Morgan asking in my earpiece

- “No one leaves here.”- our Unit chief commanded. Spencer was walking fast, his expression was stern. I hadn’t seen him like that in a while now. So mad, so focused. So serious. I kept my eyes on Declan, the poor kid was crying, clearly confused and petrified.

- “You bastard! How's it feeling? It's your bloody time now, isn't it?- McDermott yelled and kept pointing his gun to Doyle’s head- “Now hand him over!”

There was a silence that lasted for what seemed to be minutes. I kept staring at Declan trying to tell him it was all gonna be ok. But then I heard Morgan’s voice yelling “Gun!” and the sound of a gunshot that turned into a thousand in a matter of seconds. I watched Spencer grab his gun and start shooting as I ran to Declan and held him tight against the floor, trying to cover his eyes and ears. I saw Doyle falling hurt, as well as McDermott and Chloe. Spencer kept shooting for a second and then ran to the closest unsub to check for vitals. I kept my arms around Declan as he looked at Doyle agonizing next to us.

- “I remember you”- the kid whispered, not losing eye contact as his father reached out for his hand, holding it as he literally bled out in front of him.

- “I am sorry, son”- he whispered before passing out. Prentiss ran over and grabbed Declan from my arms, hugging him tight. Spencer helped me get back on my feet and looked at me, searching for any wound or even a scratch.

- “I am fine, honey. Really. Are you ok?”

- “Yes. They are all dead.”- he meant the unsubs, but he never stopped making eye contact with me.

- “But we saved Declan.”- I whispered and stared at the kid that was holding Emily with his life.

- “Now what?”- Spencer whispered and stared at me.

- “I don’t know”- I whispered and kept my eyes on him, trying to find a way to make him feel better, but I knew he was on edge after that day.

- “Are you guys ok?”- JJ asked as he walked towards us. Spencer held my hand quickly and started walking to the closest SUV.

- “We are fine.”

And suddenly I remembered Spencer is awful at dealing with his anger. He is very passive-aggressive and he usually hurts people. I had been a target of his attitude when he was an addict and he struggled to detox. I had also seen him acting like that with our friends on a few occasions. But for once, I didn’t want to stop him or talk him out of it. As I got into that SUV with him and looked for a second at JJ, noticing her confused look as she stared at us, I didn’t feel sorry for her. Far from it. I was upset at her for lying and I didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was perfect. Not that night.

Spencer’s point of view

After Hotch confessed Emily was actually alive, everything was awkward in the BAU. In fact, I don’t think “awkward” is the right expression, but let’s use that word for the lack of a better one. It didn't get any better when we were notified we were all suspended from duty and called on a trial for our decisions, actions, and behavior during Doyle's case.

I was enraged.

The Senate Committee needed to analyze and evaluate our work and everything we had done wrong, apparently, to save an innocent kid’s life. I couldn’t believe it. All that two weeks before our wedding. Like we didn’t have enough pressure on our shoulders.

The only good thing about being suspended was having time with (Y/N) to get ready the final details for our day. I got mom plane tickets to come with aunt Ethel, Lu had a room ready in her apartment to take (Y/N) in for two nights before the wedding, which I wasn’t very excited about, but building some expectation and distance before the ceremony seemed like the right thing. I didn’t want to be a second apart from her, but her mother insisted so much, we had to say yes.

But at that minute, I had to stop thinking about our happy day and focus on the road. We were on our way to our trial with the senate. (Y/N) was sipping her coffee and held my hand as I drove us over.

- “I love your sweater”- she said and smiled - “It is definitely the most fuck you piece of clothing you own”

- “Thank you”- I replied with a proud smile. That was exactly the reason why I had picked that outfit that day.

- “I feel as if I’m in disguise”- she argued and I took another quick look at her outfit.

- “You look amazing. That blouse is very pretty”

- “The blouse or what’s underneath?”- I chuckled and stole a quick look at her rack.

- “The blouse is pretty, what’s underneath is way better.”

- “Thank you, dear soon to be husband”- the words sounded like a song in my ears that made me smile even under the awkward situation we were in. My smile faded away as soon as we reached the Senate, and we walked in, hand in hand. It wasn’t the BAU, we didn’t have to follow any protocol.

Strauss was there, talking with Rossi and Hotch. JJ and Garcia were sitting close to them, and Morgan was alone, walking around, clearly upset.

- “Shit, I forgot we had to see her”- I whispered and (Y/N) held my hand tighter. In the last few days, we had been avoiding Jennifer at all costs, and so far, it had worked. But now, we were no were to hide.

- “Hey! How are you?”- Garcia asked and stood up to hug us- “I’ve missed you these days. What have you been up to? It’s all about the wedding, I am sure.”

- “Yeah, we’ve been working on the last few details, but everything is basically ready at this point.”- (Y/N) answered and smiled at Garcia, as we both avoided even looking at JJ.

- “We’ve missed you guys, Will asked me to tell you if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight.”- Jennifer asked as she hugged us, and waited for an answer.

- “Sorry, we’ve got plans.”- (Y/N) replied and gave her a plain smile. Luckily, the door opened and a woman walked out to meet us.

- “Jennifer Jareau. The Chairman will see you now.”

- “Is everything ok?”- Penelope asked after JJ was gone, and the doors of the assembly hall were closed one more time.

- “Yes, everything is ok. Well, as ok as things could be”- I replied as Rossi and Morgan walked towards us.

- “Why aren't we in there?”- (Y/N) asked- “I thought they were going to talk with the entire team”

- “They're just trying to intimidate us.”- Rossi explained

- “Well, that's not about to happen.”- Morgan was clearly upset with the whole situation. Just like everyone else, I guess.

- “I'm not ok with this.”- Garcia argued and (Y/N) wrapped an arm around her, trying to soothe her.

- “You may not even be a witness.”- Rossi said, but Pen shook her head.

- “Sir, I'm not worried about me. Don't they have anything better to do than...”

- “Baby girl, this is just what they do.”- Morgan explained the minute Strauss walked over to us and Rossi asked her.

- “Anything?”

- “It doesn't look good.”- that was all she replied and then walked away. I looked at Morgan and then at Rossi and simply asked.

- “How long is she gonna be in there?”

- “No idea, kid.”

They called us one by one. First Jennifer, then Morgan. Garcia nearly jumped off her chair as soon as she heard her name being called. (Y/N) held my hand tighter. I didn’t want to let her go alone through that situation, but there was nothing I could do about it.

- “Remember a million years ago, when Gideon hated me?”- (Y/N) whispered as she played with my fingers in her hand.

- “I remember him hating the fact we were friends.”

- “I thought the meetings I had with him were intimidating, but this is a whole new level of pressure.”- she smiled, trying to joke and ease the mood.

- “Well, tonight we are going out for dinner, chipmunk. And maybe a movie.”

- “Wow, full date night on a Wednesday? You are very wild, Spencer Reid.”

- “What can I say? I’m a free spirit”- I joked and enjoyed her smile for a moment. Until Rossi walked out of the hall and the secretary called (Y/N)’s name. I stood up with her and walked her to the door. She whispered she was ok, though I knew that was a life, and cut me one more smile before the door closed behind her back.

Waiting was worst knowing my girlfriend was the one being intimidated by a board of senators, who kept looking for a reason to shut our team down. I just wanted to open the door and take her out of there. I kept my eyes on my fingers, fidgeting with them, thinking if a book could help me focus on anything else, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus.

Strauss appeared all of a sudden and sat next to me. Like I wasn’t awkward enough. She opened her bag and offered me a mint, the one I declined immediately ‘cos I didn’t really trust her enough to accept anything from her. She looked like she wanted to tell me something, but didn’t know how. I was glad she decided to remain quiet for a few minutes, ‘cos I wasn’t in the talking mood. Until Prentiss appeared and it still surprised me to see her walking around, alive and well. I looked at my friend talking with the guard and thought of all the nights I cried her death. The times I felt weak and thought about using Dilaudid again. But most of all, of all the times I had held (Y/N)’s body close to mine, as she wept brokenheartedly for her. It was too much to deal with. It was too hard to face that it had all been a lie. It was too much to pretend I wasn’t hurt.

- “At least you got her back”- Strauss said suddenly, looking at Emily.

- “Did we?”- I mumbled and looked at my hands again, avoiding any topic of conversation until (Y/N) got out of that room.

I opened my satchel and gave her a Snicker. She smiled and opened it as she sat by my side and rested her head on my shoulder. PDA rules were burned that day, even next to Strauss.

- “How did it go?”- I whispered and wrapped an arm around her waist.

- “I tried very hard not to kill anyone the entire time I was there. They kept making me feel like everything we did was a mistake, pointing out we had broken many rules and protocols. They are assholes. I told them it was clear that the senate rules were more important than saving the innocent. That’s when they asked me to walk out.”

- “I’m proud of you, chipmunk.”- I whispered and kissed her temple.

- “Thank you, honey.”

- “Congratulations on your engagement.”- Strauss said as she stood up from the bench- “How many days until the wedding. I heard it was right around the corner.”

- “Just a few weeks.”- (Y/N) replied and sat up straight- “Thank you.”

- “I am sure you are going to be very happy.”- Strauss smiled at us for a second before walking away.

- “I had never seen her smile before.”- (Y/N) whispered and turned to me shocked- “I had no idea her face could do that!”

- “Doctor Reid.”- the secretary's voice announced it was my turn and (Y/N) stood up with me.

- “I’ll be right here when you are done.”- she said and pecked my lips- “Love you”

- “Love you too.”- I whispered and started walking. And with each step, I felt my anger and frustration growing. Why were we even there?

I sat in front of the jury, six people looking at me and analyzing every move as I did the same with them. I looked at them and raised an eyebrow. I honestly didn’t care what they thought of us, or our work. I knew exactly what I had done and why.

- “You're the one who suggested Ian Doyle be released.”- Chairman Cramer stated, making his best to look as threatening as possible, all things considered. I just stared into his eyes and answered.

- “I am.”

- “And you're the only Agent who has not requested reinstatement to the unit.”

- “Mm hmm”- I just hummed and nodded.

- “Was the decision to release Ian Doyle a personal one?”

- “A young boy's life was at stake. I ran the probability of his survival and it wasn't good.”- I replied and kept my eyes on him. I knew what he was doing and I wasn’t going to let him get me- “If you want to punish me for taking a risk, then I encourage you to do that, but do not put the rest of my team on trial for something that I suggested.”

- “Calm down, Agent.”- he raised his voice and his finger at me, but I simply moved closer to the mic and replied.

- “This is calm, and it’s doctor.”

He stared at me enraged. I am not the kind of guy who would usually brag about his degrees, but this guy needed to be reminded that I am not his regular agent, and I am not going to be intimidated by anyone in this room.

- “The United States government is not in the business of trading captives.”- he said as he continued listing everything we had done wrong in that case. But of course, he had no idea he was talking with a guy with an eidetic memory who remembered everything the other departments had done “wrong” before ours.

- “New York City, July 2010, referred to as The Spy Swap. Igor…”- he interrupted my speech and stared at me, clearly infuriated.

- “That's enough!”

- “You can't just change the rules, sir.”- I said as I rested my back on the chair

- “And you just can't break them!”- he replied and I stared at him, biting my tongue so as not to continue arguing with him. God! I hated every second of that interrogation! I wanted to be out there, catching criminals, and not explaining to bureaucrats how we do our job and save lives.

When I stepped out of that room, ready to kill someone, (Y/N) was waiting for me with a cup of hot coffee and a brownie.

- “Are they still alive?”- she asked and I shook my head.

- “Barely!”

- “They are the worst people I’ve ever had to argue with. I am sure you didn’t make it easy for them.”

- “Of course not. But they are infuriating.”- I sipped my coffee and looked around. The rest of the team was sitting close, discussing what had happened. I looked at Jennifer talking with Morgan and my body felt the impulse of moving as far from her as possible.

- “Do you wanna go for a walk?”- I heard her asking, whispering the words after probably noticing I was uncomfortable being around JJ. But before I could reply, the secretary informed us the senators wanted to talk with the entire team plus Emily, and that we had to go back to the room in a few minutes.

- “It’s ok”- I murmured as I caressed her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose- “Do we still have a date tonight?”

- “It’s the only thing that keeps me going right now”- she replied and smiled. I noticed JJ’s eyes on me from the other side of the room but ignored her. By then she probably knew something was going on with us, but I didn’t have the energy to care.

- “This team took many unprecedented risks. None were approved. The DlOG has rules, and you chose to ignore every last one. That's blatant disrespect to the Bureau, and to the authority of law in general.”

Cramer was scolding us. We all sat in front of him, in a line, like kids, listening carefully to each one of his words. I looked at the team, and all of them were so polite, even (Y/N). Meanwhile, I sat there crossing my legs, staring at the senators raising an eyebrow the entire time, letting them know they had no effect on me, ‘cos I honestly didn’t care what they thought of my actions. I stood by the facts, and the facts were simple: Declan was safe, and that was all that mattered.

- “What I find interesting is that you are the experts in behavior, but find nothing wrong with yours.”- Cramer continued and I had to suppress rolling my eyes at him.

- “May l?”- Prentiss interrupted his speech, and for once, Cramer made a pause long enough for her to start talking.- “The journey was not traditional, but this team neutralized four international criminals and saved the life of a young boy in the process.”

- “You started a war with lan Doyle, years ago, that this team and the US government had to finish.”- the chairman stared at Emily with fury in his eyes- “The rest of you are dismissed. Agent Prentiss, we're not done.”

I stood up right away and helped (Y/N) with her chair. Her cheeks were red in anger as she stared at me, literally biting her tongue not to say anything she would regret in front of the senators. I held her hand on our way out and kissed it as we walked out of the room.

- “It’s not fair”- she whispered- “We didn’t do anything wrong! Why are they doing this?”

And for once, I had no idea what to answer. I just squeezed her hand and kissed her temple as we waited for the rest of the team to gather around.

- “You should wait for the resolution at the BAU”- Strauss suggested once we were all there. I didn’t wait for anyone else to say another thing and started walking out, still holding (Y/N)’s hand. I didn’t want to be there, and mostly, I didn’t want to be around JJ any longer. I knew she was going to start asking questions and I wasn’t in the mood to pretend I wasn’t upset with her.

- “Are we going straight back to work?”- she asked as we headed to the car.

- “It wouldn’t hurt to get some paperwork done if we are taking a month off for the honeymoon.”- I replied as I sat behind the steering wheel and started it. She stayed in silence for a moment, fidgeting with her hands on her lap as I started driving to the Quantico.

- “I need you to take a detour”- she said after a few minutes.

- “Why?”

- “I need to pick something for the wedding”- and I didn’t argue with that. Besides, I didn’t want to get back to work right away and face the team. I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the energy or the patience to deal with everything.

I followed (Y/N)’s directions and drove us to an underground parking lot on the other side of town. There wasn’t much movement around us, no cell phone sign. I parked and stopped the car. (Y/N) didn’t move from her seat as I turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

- “What do you need to get here?”

- “Nothing honey. I might have lied to you”- she whispered and bit her lips.

- “Then what are we doing here?”

- “It. We are doing it here right here, right now.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I heard her saying those words. My cock twitched inside my pants as well. In a second, (Y/N) moved from her seat and sat on my lap, straddling me.

- “Wh… why?”

- “Because I want you so much right now I can’t wait until we are back home tonight.”- she whispered and cupped my cheeks between her soft hands. I caressed her waist as she stared into my eyes and cut me a short smile- “Besides, you’ve been a badass today, Spencer Reid, and I can’t control myself when you act like that.”

- “I haven’t… when… why?”- but my questions didn’t get any answers. What I did get was a kiss, a wet sloppy kiss, feeling (Y/N)’s tongue playing between my lips as her fingers tangled in my hair. I groaned softly against her mouth as my arms gathered around her and held her closer to me.

- “How glad are you that I am wearing a skirt today’”- she whispered in my ear as she rolled it up.

- “Very”- I managed to answer, feeling her fingers working on my pants.

- “Rise up for a second.”- she commanded and I lifted my hips, as her skilled hands managed to roll down my pants and underwear at the very same time- “Gorgeous”- I heard her murmur as she stared at my cock standing proud between us- “Can I sit on it?”

- “Please”- I begged as she kissed me fiercely. I guided one of my hands between her legs and moved her underwear to the side, toying slowly with her clit- “You are so wet, ma cheriè”

- “I wanted to sit on you like this ever since we got out of the house this morning”- she whispered and smiled, guiding my cock to her center- “And after seeing you sitting there in front of all those senators, I just wanted to fuck your brains out, my sweet soon to be husband.”

- “Oh shit.”- I gasped at the sensation of her warmth around my dick. She sat on me slowly and stayed still, looking into my eyes for a few seconds, getting used to the sensation.

- “Am I too dirty, daddy?”- her words made me groan.

- “Yes, you are very dirty, princess.”

- “And what are you gonna do about it?”

- “I’m gonna fuck that attitude out of you”- I grabbed her hips and started moving her on top of me, hearing her moaning right away.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I don’t know what I was thinking when I took Spencer to that underground parking lot. I wasn’t even sure he would be on board with what I had in mind. I just couldn’t control myself. I needed to fuck him, feel him in me. There was something animalistic and primitive about it. Just… it was the way he had acted that day in front of the authorities that just got me. I needed to fuck him in that car, out of the law, in a public space.

Who knew Spencer would be on board? And not only that, he was making things even dirtier. He opened my shirt and cupped my tits, kneading them and sucking on my nipples.

- “I can feel you are close”- he whispered as he kept fucking me at a regular peace- “But I haven’t said you can cum yet.”

- “But… hon…”- I argued, panting, feeling my legs almost shaking at each side of him. He just raised an eyebrow and stared at me before sucking on my tits again. He knew very well what he was doing.

- “Only good girls cum, and you have been very bad and dirty today.”

- “I’m sorry daddy”- I mumbled, a mess in his hands- “Could you…”- it was hard actually talking when he was fucking me so good. I was the one on top, but he was the one in charge. And god, he knew how to make me feel good.

- “Could I, what?”- I looked at his smirk and tried to keep my cool.

- “Please, daddy. I’ll be good”

- “Not yet. Show me how badly you wanna cum around my cock.”

- “So much”- I panted- “I dragged you to a parking lot so you could fuck me.”

- “Yes, you did. Such a needy girl for me.”

- “I just want you so much. I need you to make me cum and fill me”- he groaned and started slamming faster into me. I held him tight, almost pulling his hair as he hid his face between my breasts, licking and nibbling and driving me to the edge in a matter of seconds.

- “Please, Spencer…”- he didn’t reply, instead, he increased the speed. I could feel my pussy dripping as he slammed into me at brutal peace. The car was definitely moving, we weren’t being subtle and if anyone saw us, they would definitely know what we were doing.

- “I love you so much”- I heard him whispering as my walls and legs shook around him, and my orgasm hit me like a massive wave. I moaned and gasped, mumbling his name as I felt him cumming inside of me, whispering sweet words against my skin as he did. Slowly, we both started calming down, but his arms never moved from me, keeping me close to him, as he stayed inside of me.

- “Is this what you had in mind when you put on that little skirt this morning?”- I heard him asking in a low voice.

- “No, but I am definitely wearing this more often”- I teased him and pecked his lips.

- “I love you so much, chipmunk.”

- “I love you more, honey bunny.”- I leaned and kiss him softly, in weird contrast to how hard he had just fucked me. He smiled into the kiss and hummed.

- “Was this your way to help me deal with all the stress we’ve been under in the last few days?”

- “In a way, yes. Also… you really look hot in that sweater and I always dreamt of riding you as you wore it.”

- “I’ve had this sweater for at least six years.”- I giggled and nodded.

- “Yes, and that’s for how long I’ve been longing to fuck you like this.”- I moved from his lap and opened my purse, trying to find some baby wipes to clean us. Spencer stared at me in silence for a few seconds, making me feel very self-conscious for a moment.

- “What?”- I raised an eyebrow as I met his eyes, which kept staring at me in adoration.

- “I just still find it very hard to believe that you love me. And that you were in love with me all this time, the same way I’ve loved you.”- I sighed, smiling, and fixed my skirt, trying to look presentable to go back to work.

- “Why is it so hard to believe, hon?”

- “‘Cos you are you… and I am me. And I can’t believe someone like you wanted to fuck someone like me, wearing this sweater.”

- “I love that sweater”

- “I can tell”

- “And I love you”- he hummed and nodded- “And I will show you how much I love you every day until I die”

- “Which won’t ever happen if it depends on me.”- Spencer leaned over and kissed me, caressing my cheeks sweetly as he did.

- “I know honey. Now what if we get out of here before someone comes?”- he just nodded and started the car. I shook my head thinking of the first time I ever saw him wearing that sweater. Elle was still on the team, which means it had been a very long time before. I always loved Spencer. Why did I take so long to do something about it?

When we walked into the BAU, Rossi, Emily, and García were taking down Prentiss’ picture from the hall. It was a weird scene, yet heartwarming in a way. Emily was back. Was she going to rejoin the team considering Doyle was dead and Declan was safe? I surely hoped so.

JJ stood next to Garcia, right in front of me, and cut me a short smile. I didn’t move a facial muscle and ignored her. Luckily, Derek was throwing a tantrum and Hotch focused on him and never noticed I was about to be a bitch with JJ.

- “I understand that you're angry, but I hope that you understand that this is not about you or me. This was about saving Emily.”- I heard our Unit Chief scolding Morgan, and though I wanted to argue with him, I couldn’t. Not only he wasn’t talking to me, but also Strauss walked over and looked at Hotch.

- “We need to talk”

That didn’t sound good.

- “In case we don’t get our jobs back, I was thinking I could start teaching.”- Spencer whispered as we walked hand in hand to the briefing room.

- “Are you serious?”- his words surprised me, ‘cos though I knew that was something Spencer always dreamed of doing, him saying it meant the world.

- “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it’s a good plan. Eventually, we will surely need to change our lifestyle a little, when the kids come. I love our job, but I don’t wanna miss any school play or soccer game ‘cos I am chasing psycho killers.”

I stopped walking in the middle of the bullpen and held his hand tight. He stared at me with a warm smile and kissed my forehead, as I did my best not to cry.

- “Sounds so nice when you talk about our kids.”

- “I love it as well.”- he whispered, blushing.

- “But you didn’t ask me if I wanted to leave the BAU”- I teased and continued walking- “And you know I’ve worked very hard to get this job and work with the team.”

- “I know, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”- he quickly replied and followed me- “I mean, we are just talking about it, not making any agreement.”- I hummed and nodded as I turned to him and winked.

- “They made a decision”- Strauss announced as we all stood around the table, waiting for the resolution. We all stared at her in anticipation, waiting to know our fate.

- “The committee made it clear they will not support

a rogue team. Agent Prentiss convinced them you were not that. They will be watching you closely… so I suggest you play by their rules.”- I let out a breath I never noticed I was holding and held Spencer’s hand tight, he squeezed mine sweetly immediately.

- “So, we're okay?”- Penelope asked in shock.

- “Suspension is lifted for everyone.”- Strauss announced

- “Thank you, ma'am.”- JJ answered and Spencer turned to me with a sweet smile. I knew he wanted to continue in the BAU right now.

- “There may be more paperwork considering your... situation, but the team is lucky to have you if you're interested.”- Strauss made a pause and stared at Prentiss, waiting for an answer. I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought of having Emily back. I thought it was going to be harder than that. I mean, I was sure Strauss didn’t want to have her back on the team. I imagined there would be trouble, Hotch would have to make an entire presentation in front of a whole different commission to explain why we had to get Emily back. But no. It was just as easy as that.

- “May I think about it?”- I turned to look at Emily, absolutely surprised as she delivered that line. What did she have to think about?

- “Of course.”

- “I'm in.”- I almost smacked her, as we all sighed relieved to know our friend was back in the team. Even Hotch smiled and let’s be honest, that means a lot.

- “I have a stack of cases on my desk. I'm happy to pass them along.”- Strauss said and smiled at us politely.

- “I'll pick them up in the morning.”- Hotch replied and nodded at her as she started making her way out of the room.

- “Emily, um…”- Derek asked and for a moment I thought he was going to freak out. But instead, he just asked- “What did you tell them?

- “I just… told them you were the only team I knew who could accomplish that mission. And they believed me.”- Emily explained, though it was clear there was something there she wasn’t sharing.

- “I think this team deserves at least a few drinks tonight”- Rossi said and tapped on Hotch’s back, who nodded- “Come on kids. The first round is on me.” 

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[nightmarerodent]

Expecting the Unexpected (part 1? IDK)

A Jakeda one shot that’s no longer a one shot because it got a bit out of hand (as they tend to do)

Jacqui’s heart dropped to her stomach and lodged itself in her throat all at once when she was read the results from the doctor. Positive. Without a shadow of a doubt. The test she took at home wasn’t a fluke. She was pregnant. She was undeniably pregnant. What the hell was she going to tell Takeda?

They were carful. Usually. As careful as two people that rarely got any alone time could be, married or otherwise. Her father was still pissed about that. He never got behind the idea that her and Takeda were going to be a forever thing. He hated that he, and by extension now her as well, was a Shirai Ryu, and Scorpion’s adopted son no less. News that she was now knocked up might just put her dad over the edge enough for him to finally make good on his promises and actually kill the poor boy. It was not a conversation she was looking forward to. At all.

She went home that day in a daze, mind a million miles away from her body. At least she had the wherewithal to go to a clinic in town and not the hospital on base. This way news wouldn’t spread as quickly. If people were going to find out, she wanted it to be on her terms. And putting off the lecture Auntie Sonya was undoubtedly going to give them would be nice too.

Cassie was the first to find out. Takeda was still gone, out on some mission for the clan, and probably wouldn’t be back for the next few days. She was bursting to tell someone, to get advice or reassurance, something, and Cassie knew something was wrong with her best friend. She’s noticed Jacqui behaving strangely; she was more tired and had excused herself more than once to use the bathroom, only to be found vomiting a few moments later. So Cassie showing up at her on base housing with take out and a worried look after Jacqui’s visit to the doctor was unsurprising. Nor was her reaction.

“Pregnant!?” Cassie was out of her chair in an instant, “Are you sure? For how long? Does Tak know?”

“No. I only found out yesterday. And I’m only seven weeks along.” Jacqui told her.

“Am I the first you’ve told? Aw, JB.” Cassie moved to hug her and Jacqui gratefully accepted.

A small weight felt like it lifted off Jacqui and it was enough for what strength she tried to carry since receiving the news to finally break. Tears welled up in her eyes and she began to tremble.

“What am I going to do? This wasn’t part of the plan. Not yet. I’m going to be discharged. My career is over.” Jacqui sobbed.

“Hey, no it’s not. Briggs’s don’t quit,” Cassie reassured her, “You’re the smartest, most badass, most determined person in SF and you’re going to have the smartest most badass baby to ever grace Earthrealm. If the brass has a problem with that then they can kiss my glowing green fist.”

“I can’t defend Earthrealm and have a baby, Cass. They’re going to kick me out. It’s protocol.”

“Says who? Have you forgotten who runs this place? I mean, I wasn’t planned and I sure as hell didn’t stop my mom from pursuing her career.” Cassie pulled back on the hug so she could look her friend in the eye but still held her close.

“Auntie was way further along in her career than I am. She was a commander when she had you, I’m just another Sargent.”

“That’s married to the second in command of one of our most important allies. No one if firing you without pissing off Hanzo. Or me. Or Tak, but most importantly me. Trust me, we got you. You’re not going anywhere. I promise.”

Jacqui wanted to believe her. She really, truly did, but the fear was overwhelming. This whole situation was overwhelming. She didn’t even know if she wanted to be a mom. She was open to the idea. Her and Takeda have talked about it, sure, but always as some vague eventuality, off in the far distance that was some undefined future. A wishful daydream of peaceful times not filled with oni from the netherrealm or some new nightmare crawling out of god knows where in Out World. Now it was being thrown into her face in a time of such uncertainty. And Takeda wasn’t here.

But he will be, she reminded herself. He will be back in a few days and they’ll figure this out together. Always together. That was their promise. And Takeda never breaks a promise.

“You’re going to be an amazing mother,” Cassie believed every word she said with her whole being, “And Takeda is going to be the greatest dad. He already has the humor of one.”

That actually got a chuckle out of her, “His jokes are so bad but he looks so happy when he tells them.”

Over the next few days Cassie kept her promise and didn’t tell a single soul what she knew. She covered for Jacqui too, claiming a stomach bug that Jacqui was too stubborn to acknowledge whenever she was caught throwing up. Cass was always ready with a convincing lie and had the acting chops to pull it off too. She was a Cage after all.

Jin at one point commented that she looked terrible, causing Jacqui to start crying uncharacteristically, blabbering that she felt gross, freaking him out. He immediately started apologizing, saying that she looked fine, it was a joke, she was supposed to snap at him and they’d have their witty back and forth and then she’d punch him like always. It was their thing. She just cried more. She didn’t want to punch him. She never wanted to punch him. He was her friend and she was always so mean to him and she was sorry. This only freaked him out more. He just bear hugged her and desperately looked around for Cassie because this was not his department. He had no clue what to do with a crying Briggs or what was causing it. Was she possessed? Did she need medical attention? Chocolate? A cat? Where was Takeda when you needed him? What was happening? Eventually Cassie showed up and got Jacqui to calm down back to normal but Kung Jin was thoroughly freaked out by that point and refrained from being his usual sarcastic self for the remainder of the day.

All the while, Cassie kept an ear out for news about Takeda’s return. She was hell bent and determined to have Jacqui be the first thing he sees when he exists the transport or portal. When she finally received word after a few days that he’d be returning within the hour, she booked to tell Jacqui. She’s never run so fast in her life.

The second Takeda stepped out of the portal he was hit with the force that was his wife barreling into him and wrapping him into a desperate hug. One he was equally as desperate to return. Before he could even breathe so much as a word, she had already grabbed his face and pulled him into a forceful kiss. He wasn’t complaining. He chuckled as they pulled away from each other, jokingly asking if she missed him, only for the smile to drop and worry to set in as he noticed her nervous smile and wet eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” He asked.

“Only good things,” she told him, “I just- I really missed you.”

As soon as they were alone back at home she told him. A whole mix of emotions flew across his face in a matter of seconds. Shock, disbelief, confusion, fear, joy. He finally settled on ecstatic as he hugged her tight, laughing, and asking her a whole slew of questions. She was relieved he took it so well, though she wondered why she had thought any different. He was always the one that brought the topic up, even if it was just as a hypothetical. He wanted kids. He never said it in as many words or so directly, but it was clear to her it was a thing he desired. His infectious joy was evidence of that.

They celebrated the way couples that were young and in love do, Takeda becoming completely unable to keep his hands to himself for more than a fraction of a second and her being more than willing to receive any and all affection he was able to give. By the end of the night they were curled up together, his arms wrapped around her and a hand pressed gently against her stomach where their future was growing, peppering her with kisses and muttering sweet nothings.

Uncertainty still hung in the air. How they were going to make this work. How they were going to tell people. What their positions as Earthrealm’s defenders would look like now. How and where they were going to raise the child. If they were even fit to be parents in the first place. All conversations they were going to have to have sooner rather than later. But, for now, for a moment, they were allowed to be happy and unashamed. Opinions and outsiders be damned.

[bengiyo]

Cooking Crush Ep 11 Stray Thoughts

Last week was one of my favorite episodes of the season, because it focused on the drama between the friend trio. We delved into how important they are to each other, and their boyfriends (or soon to be (hopefully) boyfriends) supported them. I'm still thinking about the narrative of their dish. Ten got clarity from Prem after punching Chang Ma's nasty ass out, and Fire has promised to come out publicly when Dy wins.

Pang is a real one for recognizing a double date and getting out of the way.

"Put some meat in." Fire, he absolutely will.

Hell yeah, Ten! Show off your boyfriend.

Get you a squad that will cheer for your happiness like this.

Dish 11: Or...The Three Must-Eat-eers Will Only Be a Name

I love Dynamite so much. He said, "Girl, dish," and then immediately got jealous of the PDA and ran for his boyfriend. Some people think it's annoying to have a partner tell you exactly how to please them. Could never be me.

Oh no. The Internet is clowning them. Don't read the comments, boys!

Look at Ten. He got worried about a piece of information he found. He asked for clarity immediately. He got it. He moved on. He is the best man we've ever had.

I'm loving Boyfriends Era for them.

Wait why are they in the school kitchen? Didn't we get into trouble for being here before?

Nevermind. There's the security guard. This got so silly.

In the school kitchen??? Boys!

"It has to happen sooner or later," is the exact energy I expected from Dy.

He kicked my boy across the room!! I see the mom will be our final boss for them, because staying in the closet physically injured Dy there.

Now, Ten, don't leave that sticky note at your house like that!

Of course the bullies posted the punch on socials. Hateful.

Terrible, Ten's dad was right that Ten caused problems for Prem.

Dynamite and Fire are so fun to watch at this point. "Fy, I got slammed hard. I need to be hugged."

Oh, I like this A-B framing of the doc separate from the rest of the group.

Gun is beautiful, and we should have him smile with the whole squad backing him more often.

I love Dynamite so much. "Learn from them, Fy." "Of course."

This producer is like Masks Off and called them lame! Hold the fuck up! There are multiple posts picking at the dad scene but we don't want to cut her for this rude behavior? Priorities!

I'm actually enjoying the drama of this for Ten and Prem. Prem needs to be able to stand up to criticism if he's going to be a popular chef, and Ten needs to reckon with his own stubbornness if he's going to be a good doctor and partner. He gets all riled up about his dad, but he thinks he knows best about everything.

Oh no, Gun is crying. My weakness.

I like that Changma and Ten praised Prem for the same things. That's a good use of a second lead.

Hey, I like Changma also publicly owning his complicity in this bullshit.

I love these three so much as a friend group. I'm glad we have a good baseline for the rest of the year.

Goddamn this practice is not going great, guys.

For a second I hoped that Metha would show up to help Samsee.

Look at my boys go!!

The staff at this place is so bad at keeping the audience out of the show. You'd think they'd have done that after Ten interrupted the first time. Still, I love my boy Fire going public on TV like this.

Just gonna point out that the show remembered the dad laid hands on Ten earlier.

I really like the end of this episode. Yes, let's face that problem immediately;

Wow, we didn't have an episode 11 breakup. This was excellent. Ten and Prem tackled multiple crises this episode with open communication and mutual support. Dynamite and Fire are thriving and taking cues from their friends. Both friend groups are starting to blend. Our boys came together in the face of public scrutiny and pushed themselves to a new level. I'm having a great time. I love that we have three clear final hurdles: The Bully Gang Food War, Ten's Dad and the Scamming, Fire's Overbearing Mother. I'm so ready! The squad is together and we can take on anything!

Regarding the discussion around the dad that @lurkingshan has continued, I think we're fixating on a single moment in a single scene way too much. The show is aware of the dad's hypocrisy, and is using it to force Ten to reckon with himself. He does not care about his dad like that. They didn't forget that he struck Ten, because they brought it up as they set him up as one of our final problems to overcome. I won't be moralizing over that anymore. It's good drama inline with what we should be used to.

[wwwwaaaaazzzzzaaaapppp]

Hopefully making this post will help me find more people in my situation, so here’s my TV adventure of me being forced to watch shows only with actors that I am familiar with. This all started about 2 years ago when I started watching the Afterparty a hilarious mystery show that I will forever love, this show introduced me to the actor Ben Schwartz I loved his character he was funny he was very interesting as *SPOILER* the villain and I wanted to watch more stuff with this actor.

This was when TikTok introduced me to Rise of The TMNT. I remembered seeing a comic of the show when I was younger so I was already intrigued during this time my parents had also decided to start watching Our Flag Means Death as a family during dinner and I was super thrown off when I found out that the lead actor in OFMD Rhys Darby played one of the main villains in ROTTMNT and it was really cool and I found it intriguing.

Just to quickly say this might become a little out of order because my brain struggles with keeping 3 years perfectly accurate in my brain.

Later on after finishing both of these shows I then watched the I think sitcom (if that is the accurate way to describe it) Fresh Off The Boat with my mom because I kept seeing clips of it on TikTok and it looked really good and I was completely shocked when Rhys Darby randomly ended up playing a character in an episode in the show the main focus is a family moving to Florida and if you watch the show you will know that there is a son in this family named Emry. Keep him in mind for later in this story he becomes important.

After a while of watching random shows that are not important to this story like Owl House I came across another show on TikTok that looked good and had just come out on Netflix due to it being said to have a movie on the way weirdly enough just like ROTTMNT This show is called Community, I started watching it and I became obsessed I loved the characters I was constantly making references to it and accidentally got my family hooked too. I think in season 5 there was an episode where it was entirely GIJoe themed and there were fake commercial breaks where there would be kids playing with the toys from the show including one very familiar boy by the name of Forrest Wheeler aka EMRY FROM FRESH OFF THE BOAT. I know it doesn’t sound that interesting but it felt very weird at the time. Community also has a reoccurring joke which is a parody show in the universe called Inspector Spacetime poking fun at the show Doctor Who somehow this was my first time getting an idea of what Doctor Who is and I just kind of laughed it off. Considering community has 6 seasons it lasted me along enough time without having to look for another show to watch.

I think a very long time after I finished Community I started getting clips from a show that I recognized. Good Omens was finally getting a new season after 5 years. I wasn’t very interested because when the first season came out I was young, apparently stupid, and had a short attention span I was also discovering the idea of having a phone for the first time if that’s an excuse. But I was spoiled on the fact that there was going to be a kiss seen and I was very excited because I desperately wanted find a show with LGBTQ+ representation and I was actually interested in so I convinced my family to watch. And the season was great and after finishing it I was constantly looking at good omens stuff online. During this I was slowly becoming more interested in the happenings of the actor David Tennant so I ended up stumbling upon a treasure trove of new shows to watch and I started it with watching staged which I was having a fun time with until I felt like I had experienced whiplash and saw Ben (mister blue man) Schwartz goofing around on my screen and I had no idea what was happening but it was fun and everyone was funny and entertaining.

If only I had know what was in store for me coming in the form of aquatic birds.

FREAKING DUCKTALES

ALMOST ALL OF THE ACTORS THAT I LOVED WERE THERE. Dani Pudi aka Abed from community was playing Huey Duck, Ben Schwartz was was Dewey Duck , Bobby Moynihan who I knew from SNL but didn’t really care about at the time was playing Louie Duck, and the crown jewel, the focus of it all ✨David Tennant✨ was playing the adventuring Scrooge Mcduck. I was driven mad this was getting too much I can’t just watch a show immediately because of these actors. This was very much a kids cartoon I can’t humiliate myself like this…

So I watched it anyway

and

I

LOVED IT

I thought it was funny weirdly angsty at points and it was perfect and even better there were so many more people from Community in it. But it was always supposed to come to an end so I finished it and continued my hunt for content.

That was months ago but David Tennant’s acting still has a chokehold on me so I am now a self proclaimed Whovian and watched of anything David Tennant related that my parents will let me watch and my Mom is along for the ride.

I have also found a deep love of Newsies because I am now playing Albert in my school production just to put it out there for people to know how far my love of random stuff goes.

Thank you for reading.

[charkyzombicorn]

I have so many thoughts for Ghost Roger au!! I love when a character can see ghosts like that!

It takes awhile, but the crew begin to talk out loud. Some do it sooner than others. Usopp is the first. “I told you pirates were coming mom!” And he spends his free time making up stories. All the ghosts enjoy them, not just his mother.

Zoro is next. He’s never been a man of words, and that doesn’t change now. But one day, he comes up with a new move. He’s silent for a few moments and smirks. “Like you could do better.” He swears that the mast hitting him is just a coincidence.

Sanji is hesitant for a very long time. In fact he doesn’t even talk to his mother. It’s Bellemere he talks to first, wondering what Nami’s favorite tangerine dish is. Five minutes after that Luffy comes in and answers him. Now he talks through his cooking methods, like he’s teaching Sora

Nami is actually the second after Usopp. She swears she felt her mother that night in her house. That her mother had pushed her out of the house. She only ever talks to her mother in her tangerine groove, talking through her feelings and how she plans to spend the money.

Chopper takes awhile. He’s a doctor, a man of science after all. And Kureha wasn’t the superstitious type. But when Chopper is studying medicine or is trying to find the right procedure or cure, he asks out loud and always finds the right book sitting on his desk.

Robin knows for awhile about the ghosts, but she doesn’t dare say a word. Not until after Enies Lobby, when she has a moment to herself. “You were right Saul.”

Brooke has spent fifty years conversing with the dead and it doesn’t change now! It gets better actually, now that Luffy can tell him what Yorki and the others say.

Franky didn’t know until Thriller Bark, and afterwards, he sits on the railing and asks Tom what he thinks. Franky swears he can hear his mentor laughing in the wind.

And I’m not really sure about Jimbe? I just started Impel Down so I don’t have a good idea of him just yet

Hehehehehehe you've activated my trap card--

Luffy being possessed by 100 fractured pieces of ghosts broke his soul in a way that cannot be undone. His grandmother warned him against it, demanded Luffy do something else, but Luffy has always been stubborn. It isn't exactly a bad thing, just now Luffy can house ghosts. It still hurts just as much as the first time, but Luffy's never been unable to deal with physical pain. He only discovers it when Roger asks him if he thinks he could get possessed like his Nightmare form again. Then Luffy said he wasn't sure and asked Roger to try possessing him.

Roger did, for all of ten seconds before he let back go because Roger had no real interest in changing the world anymore, only observing.

Then Luffy told Chopper and Sanji because they got mad when he didn't mention what gear second Was, and made him promise to tell them new abilities.

Sanji asked if being possessed was easy. Luffy said it was. Sanji asked, very hesitantly, if Luffy could have Sora possess him, just for a bit. Luffy could never deny his crew, so he let Sora in, and Sanji and Sora had a long conversation that ended up with Sora eating her fill of Sanji's cooking and telling him she was so proud of the man he made himself into. Then she let go, and Sanji was so grateful for the moment. Luffy understood, if Sabo had ever found his way back to their treehouse Luffy would have wanted to spend as much time as possible with him too.

Then Nami asked if she could talk to Belle-mere. They picked some tangerines from the trees on Sunny, made them into pinwheels and talked about the world they lived in in much thicker accents than Nami usually spoke in. Belle-mere finally told Nami her secret tangerine tart recipe that Belle-mere never got around to writing down and never had her daughters grow old enough with her she could tell them.

Then Usopp, he asked about his mom. They talked and then they sang an old song from when Usopp was little - and even though it was Luffy's voice, Usopp was so so happy to see her.

Then Zoro wanted to teach Kuina the new katas he'd learned, Franky wanted to work on Sunny with Tom, Robin wanted to ramble about her latest book while Professor Clover gave what he knew on the subject - and he knew a little of every subject, and Brook wanted to play a duet with his captain that his new crew could actually hear.

Luffy's grandma hated it, told Luffy he needed to stop, but Luffy wouldn't listen. Luffy kept switching between ghosts, spent more and more time with his crew while not himself because they always smiled so much.

Then, either the constant stress, or the lack of sleep, or Luffy only eating as much as the ghost possessing him would have while alive, or a combination of all three - when Chopper finally got up the nerve to ask if Hiriluk could join him in making some new rumble balls and Luffy agreed, he let Hiriluk seep over his soul but it hurt so much worse than usual - and Luffy collapsed.

When he woke up, he was in one of the infirmary beds, sat up with a bedtray and an immaculate looking bowl of soup in front of him. Luffy looked up and saw Sanji smoking out of the port window. Before Luffy could say a single syllable Sanji had noticed his eyes were open and started yelling about how dare Luffy not let Sanji know he was starving and tired and how he scared everyone and how he was the shittiest crap captain and Sanji would dunk him in the sea until hermit crabs started living in his empty shell of a head.

Then the others heard the fit Sanji was throwing and started crowding into the infirmary, all talking over eachother until Chopper went muscle point and yelled at everyone to be quiet.

Then Luffy remembered it was Chopper's turn, so he found Hiriluk in the crowd and offered his head up. Hiriluk just put his hand there and told Luffy the crew needed none of that.

[tableintheteacherslounge]

Abbott Elementary S03E07 thoughts

Melissa having a spare room baring in mind we’ve seen her house feels fake sorry - How will she have a room mate but noone look at her pictures and keep control of her kitchen. I get its gonna be for plot but i don’t buy it

I’m w ava that’s a woman who just found out she’s not pregnant - that’s a woman who’s been successfully slutting it up (how’s she gonna slut it up with a roommate)

Omg protective barb 🥺 (ALSO BARBS RIGHT BC MEL WOULDNT GIVE OUT HER ADDRESS WILLINGLY)

AS SOON AS SHE SAID NERD I THOUGHT JACOB

“I know its gods will but hes gotten awfully creative” 😭😭😭😭😭

I love it when Mr johnson lore gets unlocked

Manny and the beard whew 😮‍💨 I was literally wondering where he was so I’m glad they’re using him again

Janine ur SO SMART this is such a good idea and not like a janine unnecessarily fixing a problem like an actual good idea- good job babygirl

Not ava spilling the tea to the whole room

Ponytail melissa at home is so personal to me, I love that this continues from s2, this is just who she is, she throws her hair up when she’s at home. I like that she’s wearing the eagles hoodie we’ve seen before too. Love the hair, makeup & costume details on this show

“I only know how to cook for 12” 😭

Finally mel talking about her breakup! Damn maybe it really was “im not bringing this to school” this whole time

Also Gary being a dead ringer for her dad?? I’m not saying my headcanons are more correct than the show but I disagree with this statement. Gary is not schemmenti coded.

Omg the jacob melissa work momming work sonning ive been dreaming of

“And dont forget theres a 3 booked limit 😒” barb is PISSED and i LOVE IT

“Oh i know what a google doctor is 😤”

Barb really is the best character on tv im sorry noone can do it like sheryl lee ralph like they just cant Shes everything

Janine forgetting the key term (pottery wheel) in her analogy she is so me

“Jacob if u dont like my ziti just say so and i will heave myself out that window” 😭😭

“I went to find mr johnson but he was still crying” NO 😭💔 hes just a sensitive guy 😔

“Mrs howard i blew down the house” 🥺🤏🏻 I love the kids being so central in this ep, I’ve missed that recently, and the kindergarteners are soooo cute

“🐷 I am a pig 🐺 i am a wolf 😄 and im a librarian who thinks she can just change everything around here 👋” IJBOL no please give sheryl another emmy I beg

“This programme is more of a distraction than an improvement” that’s teaaa actually. Thats so often what councils etc do, distract with new flashy things rather than fix the real problems. Even though in this case it’s well meaning it does make u think how big a priority should the library actually be? But actually children reading is super important and what did they say last season? The librarian was an alexa in glasses? 🤣

“You okay? You look like raven having a vision” 😭 you don’t understand how often i say this

I have thoughts on Barbara’s intentions and my instinct is gregory needs to keep her name out his mouth. I do think it’s really important that Janine stood up to Barbara, just maybe gregory made barbara seem worse than she was

“It’s been a rough week I could use the pick me up” i just love mr johnson

My immediate reaction was this one of my favourite episodes of the season - lots of excellent Barb moments, the kids, more mr johnson, story arcs I enjoyed and felt completed.

Janine standing up to Barbara was a really big deal for her considering her hatred of conflict and worship of barbara as a mother figure. It made me really proud to see how far janine has come.

But the longer since watching the less I like it. And it’s two main things:

- the jacob melissa room mate situation feels like jumping the shark for plots sake and not something realistic for those characters. So as much as I enjoy them and their dynamic and their growth it just feels fake.

- I dont care about the librarian. The set up feels like she could stick around and I just don’t care for new characters, I like my main people. (But then the same apprehension was had w the district people and they’ve not seemed to be around much).

I do still really like this ep and it definitely ranks highly in the season, just idk, some eps I enjoy more over time but this has made me feel more confused as to what will happen next I guess.

[averseunhinged]

more of the follow-up series to 24/7 sylvia plath this week! this is a snippet from a few installments later than the previous two, but i wanted to share some caroline pov.

eta: have you ever realized you've written 80k words of something, but you need to write at least another 50K at the beginning or the canon changes won't make sense? NO ME NEITHER WHY DO YOU ASK.

anyway, this was private for a couple of weeks while i had a minor breakdown and almost scrapped the whole thing in a rage blackout. but i didn't. it's fine. it's totally fine that i can't stop writing things backwards.

"Henry Ngo said he met your new boyfriend. Said he was very polite and seemed like he respected you." Liz paused and then, with no small amount of irony, continued, "Henry thinks he might be a little old for you."

It took a moment for that conversational gambit to penetrate Caroline's sleep-sodden brain. She hoisted herself upright off the island, her mascara-smeared, squinting eyes gone wide and alarmed. "No, no, no. Absolutely not! I did not tell Henry...that."

Liz leaned back against the counter, crossed her arms over her chest and nodded her chin over Caroline's shoulder. "Interesting blanket you have there."

She craned her head around to look at the fabric draped over her shoulders. Leaping up and back from her stool, she shrugged it off with a little shriek of outrage.

Caroline stared at the jacket.

Liz stared at Caroline.

"I threw bespoke menswear on the floor."

"How do you know it was bespoke?"

"It's really well-tailored." And he should have taken it with him, but Klaus had a talent for doing something irritating and sweetening her reaction with an outer layer of good intentions. "He always looks great in a suit."

The only noise in the kitchen was the coffee pot's sudden loud end-gurgles. It broke her out of her trance. She snatched up the jacket and straightened with a dramatic flounce.

"You did that on purpose!" she gasped and pointed at her mother. "Pre-coffee interrogation! Sanctions!"

"There are no sanctions in motherhood." Liz moved deftly around the room, microwaving a half-full mug of blood while she doctored her own coffee, and then topping the blood off from the pot. "It's no-holds-barred when it comes to daughters with questionable taste in dates."

Caroline picked up her bloody coffee when Liz slid it across the island and sipped at it, sighing in relief. She glanced up through her lashes.

"He moved to New Orleans."

"I know." Liz went from mom-mode to sheriff face again. "I came home after a very long day at work to what I hoped was going to be Cá Kho Tộ and a little time with my grown-up baby. What I found was my only child fast asleep on my couch with the formerly local psychopath."

"Did he...was he--" Caroline shifted forward, rocking uncomfortably on her stool, shoulders hunching forward and up. "He promised he'd try to be nice if he ran into you."

Liz coughed, choking a bit on the mouthful of coffee she'd just taken. "Nice? Sure, if his usual vague threats and scathing criticism of my parenting are how he defines nice."

"That might actually be true." She winced, squinting. "You can't really apply normal people logic to him. Believe me, everything gets all turned around if you try."

The early morning outside was so quiet, post-grad quiet melding with post-war stupor. The closest sounds were so distant, like they weren't on the same planet as this one comfortable room in the house she'd lived in for most of her life and the uncomfortable conversation Klaus had triggered.

"I don't like the way you make excuses for his behavior," Liz finally said. "It's not like you and that makes me very nervous."

"I'm not making excuses, Mom," Caroline snapped. "It actually took me a long time to start trying to understand why he reacts the way he does and what he really means. It's not like--"

She snapped her mouth shut, teeth clicking together before she could finish what was going to be an undeniably nasty jab at her parents' marriage. But what words could make her mother understand something Caroline herself was still working out?

Klaus was a personality so enormous, it was difficult to look away from him. When they first met, he ate up all the oxygen in any space he occupied until she was lightheaded and nothing made sense. He was overwhelming and frightening, and there were touch-and-go moments when his dubious modernity slipped, and the decaying warlord took control.

But then he tried to kill her, because she hurt his feelings—crushed them, really. She didn't like remembering that part. She'd been so certain he was playing some sick game of cat-and-mouse with her, never realizing she was cracking his ribs open, wrapping her spidery-fingered fist around the ancient, groaning machinery of his heart and mashing it into paste.

How did she explain that to her Mystic Falls mother? Born and raised in Virginia, never had much desire to leave. Put aside softer interests, a gentler life, because her husband didn't want to be a cop (or a politician or a salesman or a husband or a dad or present in general), but a Forbes was always sheriff. Liz might have married into the name, but if there was one thing Caroline inherited from her mother, it was the immovable belief that there was a correct way to do things, and that way was their way.

She could never explain how nerdy he could be. Hesitant and sweet and desperate for her approval. How observant he was of her minute flinches and little joys, determinedly navigating everything she tried to hide. The way he congratulated her petty accomplishments, the things she worked hard for, and was so careful when he complimented her appearance, because he knew Caroline, you’re beautiful, but if you don’t stop talking, I will kill you still skittered across her nerves. He fed her expensive chocolate and the most delicious honey-tongue Malbec, bullied her out of her accidental vampire starvation diet, and made sure she didn't have to rely on the Salvatores for blood bags. Always knew when she wasn’t sleeping well and learned to defuse the resulting emotional outbursts.

Liz would never see him huddled and terrified, slick with sick sweat and hallucinating. The way he clung to Caroline to steady himself through the panic and pain, even when they were screaming at each other. Her mother would never understand what a gift his honesty was, even when he was old-old-old-fashioned and more than a little creepy. That he saw kindness and mercy as debasement, but he subjected himself to showing it, let it leave pockmarks in his pride. For her. All for her.

How could she explain that this man who terrorized and manipulated and destroyed sometimes felt so small when she wrapped her arms around him?

"He murdered twelve witches, even though he knew it would trigger the apocalypse, because he didn't want me to be sad," was what came out of her mouth.

Of course.

[the-frankenmost]

Alright so, I don’t talk about my canon openly very much, but I think there’s at least two people who want to hear about here so I’m just gonna ramble.

I don’t remember a lot before Gloomsvile so we’re not getting much of a “backstory” here :/ sorry. I do remember that it was only Mom though. I was a total momma’s boy. Len was very obviously the favorite though. I don’t really want to get into that here. I had (and still have) ADHD and Autism. Can’t comment on Len too much because memory is still very fragmented, but he definitely was not neurotypical. I was a very sensitive little guy while Len was the more rough and tough boy. Mom would call me a cry baby a lot. Len and I were twins, we weren’t born conjoined. I don’t remember how we died which is probably a good thing. Len loved creepy crawlies, I did not. He’d play with worms and I’d just be there freaking out. Still really don’t like the squirmy type.

Came to Gloomsville in search of more and stayed because, Ruby, duh. R.I.P Actually hit it off In Gloomsville and the neighboring towns. I remember the first time we made it into the paper, Ruby threw a big party and Len and I ate too much and got sick lol.

One time Skullboy thought he was related to a long line of Rock Stars and tried to get us to let him join the band. I’m named Frank for a reason (jk). Shut that shit down quick. Dude sucks at music. I think Iris AND Misery had had crushes on us for a while but that was extremely short lived. I don’t think anyone in that house was straight

(-Poe & Skull Boy) but I was probably the last one to come out for reasons we’ll get to later.

This is where the memories get more frequent and also a bit more sensitive. Read ahead at your own risk please.

Len and I had a medical emergency one night and for some reason the only solution the doctors could think of was to separate us, we were so far gone when they had us sign a waiver so neither of us could comprehend what was happening. Woke up in my own hospital bed in my own hospital room. Good lord the fear I felt that afternoon. Apparently Len had been freaking out way worse because he’d woken up like two days before I did. Shit was terrifying. You’d think “oh well now you get to experience privacy!” Fuck that I want my brother. I don’t remember exactly what had been wrong but both of us needed several different transplants, I got a new stomach. With that came new stomach issues. Could no longer have a lot of favorite foods or I’d get really sick. Len got off easy, I’m happy for him. We both got new dicks because we’d shared one. God bless that decision holy shit.

It was shortly after the emergency separation is when my mental health started to decline and I had that big meltdown that Skull Boy found reason enough to break my nose. In all fairness he’d thought I’d shoved Ruby when really I’d just startled her pretty bad. Not much better in my opinion. She didn’t deserve that. The guilt is what drove me to go hide in the woods surrounding the house. I’d originally planned to cool off and then lock myself in the garage for a while but fate had other plans for me that night. Took a tumble all the way down that huge hill the house sat on. I tried to find my way back home, I really did I promise. But I’d been so exhausted and was so lost I’d ended up in the neighboring town in the complete opposite direction of the house. I was lost in those woods for so long I’d kinda lost it a bit. My brain convinced me that there was nothing for me back home and that they didn’t want me there anymore. Kinda exiled myself at that point. Some guy found me collapsed in the snow and took me to him place to fix me up so I wouldn’t die out there. Definitely would have if he hadn’t found me. He’s the one who gave me the train ticket and the deed to the farm in Pelican town.

The train ride took days to get to Zuzu city. I slept the whole time anyway so don’t remember much. Lewis met me at the station and escorted me to the bus to the town. Passed out on the bus and woke up in the hospital, again. Getting real sick of that. Harvey thought Lewis had brought him a corpse at first so when I’d woken up he freaked out. Comforting. People would come visit. They were so nice. Got released from the hospital and Lewis and Robin showed me to the Farm. I miss the farm to this very day. I’d give anything to go back. Got the place all cleaned up with Robin’s help. Hid in the old cottage, refusing to come out for a month or so. Finally decided to try planting the seeds Caroline had given me to start the garden. Was very cynical about it until the little baby seedlings popped up. Immediately was hooked. I’d sit on the steps leading to the patio and just talk to the little guys. Random chicken showed up on my property one day and that’s when I’d met Jas, Vincent and Charlie. Jas was fascinated while Vincent was dragging her away from the farm screaming and crying that I was going to eat them. Only came outside to water after that. I’d catch Jas snooping around the property. She reminded me of Ruby so I’d get sad. She’d leave little flowers from the fields surrounding the ranch just south of the farm. Those flowers kept me chugging during that period of time. Eventually decided I wanted to keep Chickens for company so I made my way to the ranch. That’s when I met Marnie and Shane. Marnie had Shane help me with building the coop and the run. Didn’t say much. Marnie took it upon herself to keep pressuring him to come help on the farm after a while. He’d never really say much to me. We all know where that ended up.

Shane and I would talk more and more with each visit. Jas would come help too. I got fairly dependent on their visits. As Shane and I would talk more we’d get closer. We officially started dating about six months after I’d first got there. I was happy for the first time in ages, and so was he.

Things carried on as they were for two years until the big Stardew County fair. I was cleaning up my little booth when I heard a familiar voice shouting my name. I don’t know how or why they’d decided to attend this fair of all the other fairs and festivals but they’d found me. Len quickly went from sobbing in relief that I was alive to throttling me. Oh ho ho he was pissed when he found out about Shane. Had to pry him off of him. Poor Shane was so rattled. We had a big sit down talk with everyone. Skull Boy couldn’t even look me in the eyes. I could tell he blamed himself for my disappearance, and that made me feel terrible. Ruby never gave up on looking for me.

Everything eventually went back to normal. They’d come visit fairly regularly. Len would just show up unannounced sometimes but I liked it. Shane didn’t. Shane and I eventually got married and this is where you’d think it was happily ever after. I wish that was the case. I really do. I don’t remember the exact amount of time between that and my eventual, untimely death. It wasn’t long enough though. I was so happy. I had my friends back. I had my brother back. I was married with an adopted daughter, though Jas continued to refer to me as “ Uncle Frank” I didn’t mind though. I’d told Shane I was going to the mines and he practically begged me not to go because I’d previously gotten hurt down there, but I’m a hard headed, stubborn idiot. He knew he couldn’t stop me so instead he came along. I don’t know what happened down there, as I’ve blocked it out but something terrible obviously. Shane carried me all the way to Harvey’s, but it was too late. There was nothing anyone could do.

And now I’m here. Anyway, it’s 2am so I’m going to sleep now. I’m certain there are typos but I can’t be bothered. Goodnight.

[stillheresanctuary]

So. It's Been A While.

That last update was a bit prophetic, wasn't it.

Uhm, I guess I should give a sort of summary of the last... Two? Three years? For people that are still lingering.

I'll put the bulk of it under a read more, but TL;DR- Parks Department job has panned out really well, had to move out a second time due to Stuff, Dad had a second stroke and passed away from complications, my mom's dog passed away from a malignant tumor, and I'm currently doing a lot of juggling to help Mom and myself try to survive.

Could be better. Could be a lot worse.

For folks that want some more details, well-

I'll get the rough stuff out of the way first.

My dad died. It'll be two years this October. He had a second stroke, and went from slow but steady improvement to a rapid decline that ended with Mom and I mutually agreeing that his quality of life had degraded so badly it was basically torture forcing him to stay alive. He wasn't quite a vegetable at the end, but it was close. He couldn't talk. He couldn't articulate his needs. He couldn't take care of himself in any fashion.

I sat and waited in his hospice room, and saw when the final breath left his body. There is no possible means to describe the Certainty, and the Relief. Knowing he was gone, and that he was no longer suffering.

Neither Mom or I have really had the space to fully process it. His ashes have yet to be scattered, and we haven't be able to coordinate a wake for the extended family. I don't know if we'll ever have one at this rate, but we want to give him a send off for everyone to properly say their good byes.

Less than two months after Dad passed, Mom called me crying. Tali, our family dog for the last 16 years, hadn't been feeling very well for a while, and gave Mom a couple bad scares before she finally had to be rushed to an emergency vet. They found out that Tali had been developing a tumor, and while it wasn't metastasized or actively malignant, it had begun to interrupt body functions and after a sudden seizure, had caused internal bleeding so bad they weren't sure she would survive being sedated let alone surgical intervention.

We decided it would do her a disservice to force her through such an invasive procedure, with no guarantee of recovery, let alone good health.

Mom and I both held her as the doctors gave her a fatal dosage of anesthetic, and she passed away peacefully. Her ashes are also still with us, waiting for us to decide how to honor her life.

On to less miserable topics-

Moving house! Happened cause the roommates we moved in with ended up paranoid assholes who tried to get us evicted and/or arrested on falsified charges of theft! We had to call up the sheriff, police and the landlord, as well as a tenant-landlord lawyer, to get the roommates of our backs. We moved out as soon as we were able to keep their assholery from reoccurring and possibly resulting in legal actions.

My partner and I ended up staying with a mutual friend for a couple months while we hunted for a new place, and now we've been staying in a pretty nice duplex that we're currently hoping won't price us out come the next lease reup (there's consulting of tenant-landlord lawyers in the plan for negotiating with the landlord). Other than fretting over funds, we're pretty alright.

Job! Parks and Rec invited me back to a longer season, and I just recently got invited back again, and I may actually apply for a year round full time position. The people are great, I enjoy the work I do, the benefits are excellent, and I even have a supervisor who Gives A Shit for once.

Pretty sure the job kept me from a depression spiral when Dad and Tali passed away back to back.

Rapid fire what else- Got a new to me car, reconnected with a bunch of friends from old fandoms, made new friends in an entirely new fandom, started looking into possibly going back to school, helped my mom with buying a house and a car, got sick with Covid twice, got two cavities drilled and filled, played way too much Cult Of The Lamb...

I think that's it? At least, that's all I can remember anymore.

It's been A Lot.

What does this say for this project?

Well, I still want to put work into it. I want to reinvest myself and my interests into this world that I've created. Considering current Tumblr drama, I may end up seeing how much I can transition over to something less fragile, like Neocities. I haven't made a webpage in so long it's ridiculous, but it could be worth it to mirror all my Tumblr projects onto something that I can actually archive.

It's a bit up in the air, and I apologize in advance if I vanish again, since I'm going to be going back to work at the end of March and I'm not sure how much energy I'll have to juggle. Whatever happens-

Thank you all for participating in this experience with me. You all have made this silly little side project a true joy, and I'm thankful for everyone who has made it possible.

[maggotwithanf]

[Part 1] [Part 2]

“All right, so to recap…”

Arcade whipped out a pencil, sharpened helpfully by Lloyd with a piece of rebar beforehand, and started jotting notes down in a ledger. “Made contact with Repconn, found the source of the radiation leak to the water supply for the NCR sharecroppers - we’re going to have to deal with that later - and you managed to divert water to Westside without the NCR being any the wiser.” Arcade smiled, kind of curiously, and cocked his head. “I was surprised by that one. Not unimpressed, though.”

“I’m surprised you approved,” Lloyd shrugged. He tapped the counter of the bar at Gomorrah, and the bartender nodded at him, working his way down from the end of the long counter.

“Surprised?”

“Yeah,” Lloyd went on, tapping the counter again idly. “You just seem real - I dunno. I guess you’d be more buttoned-up.”

Arcade grinned. “Buttoned up?”

“Doctors are, right?”

“I’d rather do the right thing than be buttoned-up. Even if it means, you know. Throwing things. Occasionally going completely off-script.”

Lloyd looked at him, and there was a slight glimmer in his eye. “Hey, when that guy at the Aerotech place called you an unrepentant anarchist? Was that some kind of dig at the Followers?”

Arcade’s smile took on a vaguely mischievous turn. “The NCR waged that propaganda campaign against us so hard, some people actually believe that. Some of us, though, might harbor some borderline anarchic convictions, if it means helping people survive. Most of us at least lean towards the socially democratic side. Making the world a better place. You know. Standard Follower fare.”

Lloyd looked thoughtful. “Yeah. …Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about all that Follower stuff, lately. About what you’ve been talking about, too. I didn’t take you for being so…”

“Ballsy?” Arcade grinned.

Lloyd laughed. “Yeah. Ballsy.”

“Like I said. It’s worth getting in trouble for the greater good.”

“I respect it. I like it.” Lloyd looked up from the counter. “...I think I believe in it.”

Arcade looked surprised. “Really? I mean - you know you don’t have to fake it on my account. I - I’m kind of happy just going on this adventure with you -”

“No, no. I do. I really do.” Lloyd swung his head over, locking eyes with him. “Did I ever tell you I’m from New Vegas? Like, really from there. I grew up just outside the Strip. Little neighborhood of a few clustered houses, kind of like Novac. Didn’t get along with my mom. Never got to know my dad. Left when I was 18 to go do my own thing. Went AWOL for a while. ….Really AWOL. Came back after a few years to see how it was doing. Fiends burned it all down. Makes sense.”

Lloyd’s drink finally arrived, and he took a huge swig. Hateful, warm whiskey. Lloyd frowned.

“I’m so sorry, Lloyd…” Arcade began, softly.

Lloyd shook his head. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Not the bad part. Fiends, I mean. Not yet. ….The people that were left, you know, they were hoping they could convince the NCR to protect them when the Fiends came back. If. When. You know.”

Arcade started to frown, too. “Don’t tell me.”

“Yeah. Well. You know the old joke where you could call a guard for help or call for a loan shark on the Strip, and the loan shark’ll bail you out three times before the guard picks up the intercom? Yeah.”

Lloyd looked down into his whiskey. “...I hate whiskey.”

Arcade frowned. “Didn’t you order that?”

“No. I asked for a Moscow Mule.”

“You’re kidding.”

Lloyd looked forlorn.

“...You’re kidding, right? Sunset Sarsaparilla, vodka, something sweet, something sour? That sound about right?”

“I think so -”

“Hey!” Arcade slammed his palm on the counter, much to Lloyd’s surprise. His glass bumped across the table a little.

The bartender turned to face him, still nonchalant. “What?”

“My friend here ordered an actual drink. Are you going to make it for him, or what?”

The bartender looked thoroughly unamused. “Why do you care? He got a drink, s’all that matters, right?”

Arcade frowned. “The service in here.”

“It’s Gomorrah,” Lloyd shrugged, taking another sip of the whiskey, and making a face. “It’s fine. I guess.”

Arcade sighed, and slid up onto the seat next to Lloyd’s at the bar. “Nothing’s fine. That’s why we’re trying to fix it.”

“Yeah.” Lloyd looked right at Arcade, like he was trying to take him all in, just in case he started to sink away. “...The fact you care so much about New Vegas? How you want people to be okay, not under the thumb of Mr. House, or the Families, or the NCR, or anything? Just… the people of New Vegas, actually doing it for themselves? Westside, Freeside, hell, even some of the places here are basically home… you really care about the soul of New Vegas. And nobody outside of here does.”

He looked like he was about to tear up, and Arcade subconsciously shuffled ever so slightly closer to him.

“...I got desert blood in me, Arcade, and you care about that. You care about this place. You care about me.”

Lloyd looked Arcade dead in the eye, and, for a second, it was like both of them tapped into each other’s pain - though they hadn’t uncovered everything, the weariness in the two men’s eyes was like being shoved under a lamplight under an anvil.

Arcade felt his breath catch in his throat.

Lloyd wrapped his fingers around the rapidly warming whiskey glass, then, one by one, peeled them away, like picking petals off a daisy.

“...You wanna get out of here?”

Arcade raised his eyebrows, gulping. “Lloyd -”

“You know how to make a Mule, right? Let’s make one. Let’s make one for real! Find some Sarsaparilla, hell, we could find some ice - some agave nectar - some - shit, we can really do this!”

Lloyd was getting more excited by the second, and Arcade could feel the electricity in the air starting to sparkle. He felt himself smirk, despite himself.

“C’mon, baby. Let’s make a drink,” Lloyd grinned.

Arcade smiled, from ear to ear. “Okay. Yeah! Yeah, let’s see… we’ve got tons of Sunset Sarsaparilla stowed away in our fridge. Er, your fridge. And in ED-E, too. Though that stuff’s probably warm.”

Lloyd nodded, thinking carefully (though the whiskey had started to give him classic Lloyd-brain, and his face began to screw up in concentration). “We can get a vodka from behind the bar,” he went on, nodding to the back of the bar, as the bartender continued to be distracted. “The sweet is gonna be harder. And the sour….” Lloyd frowned. “Babe, do lemons exist after the bombs fell? What about limes?”

Arcade snorted, laughing. “We might have to get creative.”

Lloyd’s eyes glinted in the sparkling barlight. He grasped Arcade’s hand, pulling him to his feet, grinning. “C’mon. Let’s go on an adventure.”

Arcade grinned back. “Lead the way.”

Lloyd pulled on him, by the hand, and Arcade found himself running alongside him, through the bar and out into the casino lobby, through the doors into the cold night air. He wanted, he thought, to be pulled along forever.

[trying2cope]

I was trying not to have a panic attack.

I am prone to them. I technically have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) with panic attacks, according to my doctors. But I have specific triggers that are most likely to trigger me. Cleaning, paperwork (which is the catch all term I use not just for paperwork but all bureaucratic nonsense like making appointments, calling businesses, etc), and relationship issues. So, basically adulting.

And anxiety is very physical for me. That is, some people primarily ruminate and can't stop their thoughts-- while that happens to me occasionally I'm a really logical and rational person and don't often dwell on my worries-- but that doesn't matter because my fight, flight or freeze system has a hair trigger. I can worry for half a second, dismiss it as irrational, and still be fighting off a panic attack

A good example of this is the doorbell thing. My son was on the porch and he decided to ring the doorbell. My front door has a window in it, and I could SEE him do it. So in my actual, cognizant thoughts I never even thought there was any sort of threat. But the science behind it is your animal brain, your amygdala I think, processes thoughts before your higher level thinking. So before I could even form the thought "it's just my son" my animal brain had already been like DANGER DANGER DANGER and flooding my body in adrenaline so I was fighting off a panic attack on the couch. Because since I'd had such an adrenaline response to finding out the doorbell was CPS before, now my body had decided doorbells=danger and no amount of reasoning or deep breathing or talking will ever convince it otherwise. This is why I need medication, because talk therapy can't fix stupid animal brains that don't even think in words. This is also why my ex husband's verbal abuse made me so much worse, since he thought I was being "ridiculous" and he wasn't wrong, I think it's equally ridiculous BUT him talking to me angrily just makes me feel less safe and more adrenaline gets released and it makes my anxiety worse, which made him more irritated with me, and it was a vicious abusive cycle.

On the worst day of my life, when I found out my ex was cheating on me, I had ten panic attacks. In one day.

So Master telling me he had something serious to talk about and not giving me more information to even try to calm my conscious mind down was not helpful at all. Because even though my conscious mind can't stop an anxiety response that's already started, racing speculative thoughts can absolutely make new anxiety responses start and build and build it into a frenzy.

So for my anxiety, generally the more information I have, the less anxious I am because I only am anxious about the actual facts. Which is often very anxious, but less anxious than if my racing ADHD is coming up with hundreds of farfetched possibilities that it COULD be.

So when my Master had a break at work and messaged me, I told him what was happening to me, that I was on the edge of a panic attack because he'd been so vague.

"It's not about you," he tried to assure me. "Nothing is wrong with our relationship. It's about my ex and custody and child support."

But that didn't totally calm me down. Because if it was a normal conversation, why did he need to have it over video chat so I could "see his body language"?

The most possible thing, my brain decided, was he was going to try again with his ex.

I told you their relationship was very on again off again. That's partially because Master's own parents had been divorced and he'd spent his childhood being shuttled back and forth between houses and "I didn't want that for my daughter," he'd told me with tears in his eyes at one point. That's why he'd tried SO HARD to make things work with her mom. But he'd finally given up and decided he didn't want to be alone and to look for love again, and he met me basically as soon as he'd joined the dating site.

Yeah, I was very aware it was possible I was a rebound. And maybe his ex was jealous now that she was seeing him move on and wanted him back. And he'd told me that he'd "been there, done that and it just doesn't work" and they would never get back together, but I wasn't feeling secure.

He said he loved me, and he probably did, and we were so good together but... He'd never made a secret that his daughter comes first. So maybe if her mom wanted to try again he'd feel obligated to his daughter to try again.

I tried to prepare my heart for it. And I prepared arguments for him. Reasons why he'd told me they'd never work, reasons we could, and hoped I wasn't about to lose him.

I waited and waited for him to get off work. The anticipation kept building and new speculations filled my mind, though the above seemed the most likely.

Finally he was off work and I messaged him and asked, "Do you want to video chat?"

"Yes," he typed back immediately and I got ready for the conversation.

Only I never could have been ready for it.

If I'd guessed a million times, I'd never have guessed what he actually told me.

[sincelastsession]

As much as I try the litany of coping mechanisms... They aren't really helping right now and it's really frustrating because I need to go to the grocery store and do normal things.

But I'm in a freeze state.

The more noise the worse it gets.

The ear plugs are a sensory nightmare.

I'm mad because it's been every day my neighbors are being so loud. The office and courtesy officer who is a sheriff is a fuckin asshole to me.

They think it's about race.

They don't seem to care about the OBVIOUS daycare being run. They won't investigate because they don't see it. I can't take a video to prove it. The kids sit on the stairs at night hollering and playing loud rap music and it's not even good rap music it's shitty SoundCloud rappers and it's not even intelligent. Like even if it was better music I'd still be pissed because I'm just trying to relax.

I do not understand why it's so hard for people to be courteous.

I'm literally going to put a pentacle wreath up and start doing witchcraft outside on purpose. Technically I'm exercising my rights?

Idk.

Parents are telling me July at soonest for moving.

I'm terrified I'm going to lose my cool and absolutely blast the neighbors, office, a corporate. I hate that they're under the impression I'm racist. I hate that they have experienced this themselves. It's more noise than you'd put up with yourself.

My parents seem to think they will find a place that's safe and quiet for under 1k. The places I have found they're not happy with and say are dangerous.

I don't know what to do. Earplugs and headphones are generally a sensory nightmare or they hurt my ears.

I wish they'd just move and put calmer professionals in that unit.

Even the drug dealer that was there before was quiet despite ppl going in and out of the apartment.

Like I know also there was prostitution going on as well a year or so ago in various areas in the complex.

I'd love if my parents with get in touch with my bestie Blake Knight of capital city concierge but my mom already led him on to believe she was getting a house for me last time.

It was embarrassing.

Piper's fiancé's mom found places but they are all in dangerous areas where I'd definitely have safety problems.

I really just would ideally like to get moved to a quiet safe spot. Work on my mental health. Get better. Figure out how to financially get around things without the sense if guilt from breaking rules and fear of getting in trouble and learn things I was never taught that I can't figure out with banking because I'm math dyslexic and literally no one takes me seriously on that. I mean my hope us to get better and much more functional like you know and can see.

I do wish they had the same sorta respite for people like me. In the UK they have them where ppl like me that are overly stressed can go stay and they just sorta treat it more like a resting place and have therapists and a doctor available if need be...

I don't understand why they don't have a place that's strictly for people who are just under too much stress due to anxiety, ptsd, and just life.

They have places for military to recuperate but it's kinda like "fuck you you fet to go to grippy sock jail because you weren't in war" But I have seen war. The entire time my friend Mike was volunteer fighting in the Ukraine he showed me all the things. The dead bodies, the trenches, a person's head on a spike with the skin peeled off and a scythe next to it that Russians left of a poor pow. They found one of our people hands cut off and decapitated. I mean the news censors everything so much. I've seen so much from a gopro from an actual team of ppl. I didn't fight but I've seen really fucked shit. War is hell.

Why aren't there places that are less clinical and more for rest and nervous system regulation?

I don't know if I would want to move states but there's gotta be something.

I just need peace. I have seen and heard enough. I only have respite time when I'm in my dynamic at this point and I've discussed this with my partner about how it helps in an odd but therapeutic way. There's books on how it helps. I think it does. I just don't want to have my entire dynamic be him calming me down. I'd like to have more fun. He understands and I'm not asking I hope for too much currently. I have asked him to lmk. He likes how we are so open and he likes my appreciation and points out how I'm different than most people.

I am thoughtful because I went through hell. I party had my tubes tied and an ablation so at least I'd never get pregnant from any possible SA which has always scared me, because I wouldn't birth a healthy child or even an alive one, and because I feel it would be cruel to pass on the genetics I have. To watch anyone or my own child experience what I did would break me.

So in the same sense...I don't want people to suffer. It hurts to see. It hurts to hear about. It hurts when I can't do anything and it hurts I have to accept that.

I'd love to bitch political and such with everyone else but that doesn't fix the issues. We as a people unless we raise hell and riot like the French aren't realistically going to change this country or stop politics from taking away our rights.

Political leaning to me doesn't matter at this point. I truly believe my vote means nothing and the presidential elections are a big fat bunch of bullshit to give people a sense that they're making a difference when rich mfers who do not care about anyone but thier own lives are really in control.

I hope it rains and the lights don't go out and I can just order doordash and people stay quiet.

That's what I need this weekend.

Just some peace and good sleep.

Because I'd like to accomplish things and it's impossible being interrupted by loud people CONSTANTLY.

[marikosenwrites]

little omori main cast head canons when you're dating

a/n: my first time writing an omori fic, and in fact, a fic! hope you guys like this. ONTO THE MAIN STUFF! (p.s. all banner are made by me, and the pictures that you see on it, are from pinterest!)

ships: basil, sunny, aubrey, hero, kel(i tried)

tw: FLUFF YASS, possible spoilers(?)

basil

‣firstly, this guy is a complete cutie

‣you need to protect him at all costs. AT ALL COSTS, YOU UNDERSTAND?

‣he loves you so, so much though seriously

‣will name a few plants after you

‣loves playing with your hair like after making flower crowns or braiding it

‣calls you his favorite flower all the time (sometimes your real name) (is his fav flower sunflower??) and you call him "my love"

‣watches tv with you on the weekend (in fact, your parents are as good as dead and you inherited the house so you work like 12 hours one day to get the money you need)

‣makes you herbal tea after a difficult day at GINO'S or wherever you're working at

‣you stand up for him when the hooligans (aubrey takes the lead) bully him

‣he loves cuddling with you in bed or on couch, either is fine for him, he loves it either way

‣goes to sunny's house too, hoping to see him come out some time but isn't brave enough to knock on the door except when you encourage him to but he's usually sleeping (IN HEADSPACE RN)

‣that inner demon he has scares you sometimes

‣when polly said he went missing you were freaking out so hard

‣you wouldnt sleep until you found him and was searching for him in faraway town like everywhere until like kel hero and sunny showed up you finally got a wink of sleep BUT NOT MUCH

‣da gang FINALLY found him and you heard from polly (who called you) that basil was in the hospital

‣you rushed there ofc

‣you were crying next to him and basil was like "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SUNFLOWER??"

‣you were crying tears of relief

‣he is definitely kissing you like no other boyfriend would and could he missed you

‣HAPPY ENDING basil told you the truth a long time ago (did i forget to mention that)

sunny

⁍give him affection will be the first thing i say if not last

⁍after shutting himself out for 4 years, i would say he doesn't crave for attention

⁍but he does like someone patting his head from time to time

⁍if you call him darling, he gets really flustered so you call him that every where

⁍he calls you by your actual name like "y/n" and you can't say you don't like your name coming out of his mouth like that

⁍when you give him saccharine affections, he just *chef's kiss rn*

⁍he doesn't exactly favor pda (public distribution of affection), so you usually shower him with affection when you're in his house or what not

⁍your mom and dad loves him they want him as their child (LIKE BRO)

⁍you listen to him playing the violin all the time (you bought him a new one ur rich)

⁍him playing the violin is simply stunning

⁍then you ask him to play all the time

⁍he gladly does it for you

⁍when he ends up in the hospital, you're just outside waiting for him to come back and then you learn that he lost sight in one of his eyes

⁍you immediately go to basil's room, hoping to find him there

⁍you're next to basil asking him what happened

⁍he says to wait for sunny

⁍and then sunny enters, tells all of you the truth

⁍you didn't know, so you hugged him SO HARD the doctors asked you to stop

⁍"i'm sorry i wouldn't tell you sooner y/n, i wanted to tell everybody at once. basil knows."

⁍you said it's okay you'll be fine

⁍happy ending...? he moves away, but still comes back on the weekends with his mom

aubrey

⁌you call her auby cuz its cute

⁌you hang out with her and the hooligans

⁌you're always working when aubrey's "talking" with basil

⁌when you find out

⁌you try to convince her to not

⁌and then m a r i comes to your mind and why she stole the photo album

⁌everything makes sense now

⁌so you comfort her and give her cuddles and let her stay for the night at your house

⁌your parents love her so they allow it

⁌she emits warmth

⁌when hero kel sunny and the hooligans visit, you're with her in the attic and like "who's that??" because hero kel sunny haven't interacted with you guys in like 3 years

⁌you find out it's the guys when they come up and you're just hugging aubrey (auby 😭)

⁌you guys look through the album after the photos hero gets the photos from her mirror(?)

⁌so many good memories...

⁌all of you are there when sunny says the truth

⁌and boy were you shocked

⁌but it's still, a happy ending. perhaps it will last forever!

hero

∙head over heels for you. definitely.

∙when he's in college, you guys face time a LOT

∙when he's back, he definitely spends a day with you WITHOUT FAMILY around him and well

∙he loves pda

∙showers you with kisses when you're outside

∙he loves cooking for you whether afternoon morning or night

∙call him husband material HE BEAMS LIKE THE SUN

∙so sweet when you're around

∙if someone dares disrespect you, he'll be like "i'm sorry, but my girlfriend/boyfriend here (emphasis on girlfriend/boyfriend), is also a human, and you should treat her like one, not like she's/he's some alien that just landed from outer space."

∙they back down >:)

∙makes flower crowns for you often

∙asks basil for ideas and if he would give hero his plants so he could make you flower/grass crowns

∙if basil had extra, i think he would

∙but unwillingly (he loves his plants)

∙kel loves spending time with you too, as his future family, though

∙you, hero and kel love playing card games, and with sunny and aubrey later on

∙when sunny and basil go into the hospital you guys are just like "what in the world happened"

∙but its a really happy ending and you all end up forgiving basil and sunny

kel

⚪bro is clingy

⚪and silly

⚪but you love that side of him

⚪you prepare with him whenever hero comes home and you personally go to mari's grave

⚪sometimes he goes with you

⚪made you drink that acidic-ly sweet orange joe once

⚪your stomach disagreed with it

⚪he was saying "SORRY SORRY SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO" over and over

⚪"kelsey- i'm fine-"

⚪he was shocked when you called him his full name but he loves it

⚪he loves the way his full name comes out of your mouth

⚪you're like a proud mom/dad when kelsey stands up for sunny and basil

⚪you cuddle with him all the time in his house your house is usually partying because your mom and dad love bringing people over and you just sneak away

⚪quality time is your love language

⚪when basil and sunny say the truth y'all forgave him and wrap everyone in a GROUP HUG that was directed by kel(sey)

⚪YAY

a/n: hope you liked this head canon, really, if you have feedback, you're welcome to tell me!

©all banners, dividers, and stories are made by marikosenwrites and the pictures in it are from pinterest. i own none of the OMORI characters mentioned here.

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 51

Chapter 51: Yearly Camping Trip Plus 1

We finally was reaching the second year of our training, and mom suggested that we should take a break. Mr. Piccolo was getting tired of these ‘breaks’ and was even yelling at mom. He soon regret that, when mom threw him out the house. It was funny. Mom told him how this break was because it was my and dad yearly camping trip. I almost forgot about those. Dad looked really excited that mom reminded us, but I’m kind of agree with Mr. Piccolo. Maybe we do take too many breaks. Then dad suggested that Mr. Piccolo should come with us. Mom actually looked pleased with that.

Once we made it to the campsite, dad finally told Mr. Piccolo the plan for this trip. Mr. Piccolo was actually happy with this, now. So, looks like we were still training, and with no distractions from mom. Now we’re talking.

…

During our ‘camping trip’ I was finally able to really test out a few new techniques. During last year I couldn’t do so, since we were just all trying to get along and into a daily routine. Ok, and maybe I was heavily distracted. Not my fault Chichi is amazing. Even though I asked Piccolo to come along, I really was trying to put more focus on Gohan. Even though Piccolo said he thought Gohan everything he knew, it clearly didn’t show.

Gohan was slow to react, and even his movements were slow. And the way Piccolo handle his flaws were also a red flag. During this trip I tried to correct as much as possible, but Piccolo kept getting the way. I really need to have a one-on-one with Gohan, when this is all over. Too many simple mistakes, that could have been avoid, if taking care of properly. I looked over to Piccolo. I start to question if his training is the reason, I won all those years ago. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I’m looking at this wrong.

…

The years has surely passed by quickly. Only a few more months till the battle. My boys have done so much, they deserve a treat. Maybe for the remaining months we can all do something together. Like trying to spend as much time as possible. Even with Goku’s checkups coming along nicely, too. The doctors haven’t found anything wrong with him yet, and thanks to their recommendations, Goku’s health seems better than when we started. Goku is eating right, after a good amount of arguing. He’s also getting enough sleep. I always knew he’s sleep pattern wasn’t healthy. And thanks to the changes he also commented how he feels even stronger, with the added training.

When I asked him about that, he would tell me he doesn’t feel as drain anymore. That confused me. Goku never seemed drained after a hard day of training. Even in the beginning of our marriage, he seem pretty healthy to me. But when he tells me about it, I come to realized I missed a lot of signs. How he would nonverbally complain that he just sat down. How he would have days when sex seem not go so long. He was showing signs of exhaustion, but never said anything. I feel like an awful wife for not noticing. My poor Goku was always suffering, and I never even noticed. That’s it! I’m going to do something special just for him!

I just finished sending off Gohan to my fathers, and asking Piccolo if he could be gone for a couple of days. It clearly confused him, but I reassured him that when Gohan gets back, I’ll send Goku for him. With that, he left. Now I was left with a very confused husband. Well, confused till he had his arms around me. “Our anniversary if not for another month, so what’s the occasion?” He purred into my ear.

“No occasion, just wanted to do something nice for you.” Even though he had a pleased smile, I could tell he looked worried. “Oh, stop. You do so much for me, I should be doing stuff for you too.” He didn’t seem to like that answer.

“You do plenty and more. So, you really don’t have do anything more.” Now that made me sad. My dear husband. He would give his life for others. He would the extra mile for mine and Gohan’s happiness. He would do anything to keep us safe. My dear husband. The man that hides his emotions from the world. The man who doesn’t like showing that he also has weakness. He would rather give his all and ask for nothing in return. That’s just not fair! “Why are you giving me that look? Did I do something to upset you? Tell me, so I can make you happy.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” At that I finally let my tears fall. He embraced me, and rubbed my back. Telling me things like how he doesn’t get what he did to deserve me. My Goku is truly something else. After what felt like forever, I finally calm down. I told let’s take a bath; he was stud by my sudden request. I already had it in my mind that for these next few days I was give Goku the ultimate special treatment he deserves. Even if he complains that I shouldn’t do it. My husband deserves it, and so I’m going to do it!

…

I’m completely confused by my wife’s actions. For some reason, she wants to do more for me. What gives? Chichi truly does enough for me, I don’t really need anymore. But for some reason she doesn’t believe me. Now she’s saying for us to go take a bath. I’m just very confused.

Ok, so maybe it has been a little too long, since Chichi gave me a good cleaning. Somewhere along the years we just started taking baths at different times, and rarely together. So, I will allow this. Especially how good it feels to get the spot, between my shoulder blades, scrub just right. Chichi back scrubs are always nice, especially when she hums, which she is doing. I’m feeling just a little ok with this. Then she does something unimaginable.

She had rubbed my tail stub, just the way I like it, too. I was between shock, from the randomness, and very aroused. If my Chichi wanted that type of attention, she could have just said so. I tried to turned around, to give her some attention. Only for her to pinch me, and damn I don’t move; how it’s only about me. As good as that sounds, I wasn’t liking this. It should only, and always, be about her. But I will admit, this does feel good. I don’t when or how, but one of her hands was still rubbing and pinching my tail stub, while the other was stroking my dick. She knows too well that this always gets me. What in the world has gotten into my wife? I even felt her rubbing her breast against my back, and dropping kisses. Before I knew it, I saw stars, as I came undone.

Damn, that felt good. I really wanted to return the favor, but she wouldn’t let me. I really shouldn’t question this, but maybe, just maybe ask what did I do to deserve this. She wouldn’t answer, but spending this time with her is still perfect. So, who cares. We were now just enjoying the steaming hot bath. Well for her, it’ll be considered boiling. “Sometimes I think the water is never hot enough for you.” I couldn’t help chuckle at that. We shared a kissed that ended with her riding me, while still in the bath. I’m going to enjoy every minute of this.

…

It really took me a while to get Goku to just accept, that I wanted to treat him today. After the few rounds in the bathroom, I really didn’t think I could go on. But I must! It’s for my wonderful husband. Once we entered our room, I didn’t even allow him to get dress. The look he gave made me think, he thought we were going another round. He wasn’t wrong, but I wanted to give him a nice back massage first. That lead to a good round, that almost broke the bed.

I still didn’t allow him to get dress, as we walked to the kitchen, for lunch. I ended up being the main course, and dessert. Even though I was doing this for him, it some how turned into being about me. I was actually getting upset. “How many times do I have to tell you?” He purred against my neck. “I love it when I make you feel good. It makes me feel good too.” He lightly bit the mark. “Now come on. Tell me how bad you want it.” I still can’t believe the position we were in. He was under me, while I was facing upward. He was stretching me just right, and his heated hands were just hovering over me. “Come on, say it.” He nip at my earlobe. My husband is going to be the death of me. He lightly along my neck.

“Please. Give me, give me. Give me more.”

“That a girl.” With that he started to thrust in me again, and his hands toyed with me. Before long I was left screaming, as my climax it. “I really love it when you come all over me.” I don’t know how, but that sent me on another climax, and this time he joined me. Once the high was over, he had pinned me under him. “You truly are perfect.” He then purred into my ear. “But I think we’re done warming up.” Oh kami! What did he mean by that?

…

When I finally came home, after a week, mom and dad were acting funny. They didn’t smell weird, like they usually do when they act like this. They just seemed perfectly, way too, happy. Don’t question it, and I won’t have to worry. Even Mr. Piccolo had a weird face, when he saw my parents. But I did notice the house was extra clean, like someone was trying to mask a crime scene.

The remaining months were filled with heavier training. With very little break in between. Even mom made my study days down from 3 to 1. What gives? At night my parents still had high ki levels, but I’ve learned to just ignore it. I started to learn to just ignore the weird smile dad had, when looking at mom. Before we go training, they would share a kiss, and when we got back, they shared another one.

The closer we came to the day, the weirder things got at home. Mom ki acts funny, and dad seems more on edge than usually. That says a lot. Sometimes mom ki would just disappear, I would get worried, but dad would say she’s fine. I didn’t like this! Mom and dad are acting way too weird, for something not to be up. And mom also started eating a bit more than usually. I would want to comment, but dad advice against it. Something is wrong with mom, and dad wants me to just ignore it. What gives?

Two more days to go, and I asked if I could sleep with my parents. I was so happy dad said yes. Dad held us protectively, and I couldn’t be happier. By now, being this close to mom, I realized there was a strange ki, coming from her. What’s going on here? But I didn’t question it. There’s more important things to worry about.

It was finally the day, and I noticed something was off with both my parents. I figured it was just that they were worried. As mom made breakfast, dad was still sleeping. That’s very strange. Dad usually woke up around the same time as mom. Even mom looked concern. I wanted to ask her what’s wrong with dad, but she just put on a smile, as she went upstairs. When my parents came down, they both were smiling. But I could tell, these weren’t the happy smiles. These were the very worried smiles. Even dad had the worried smile. I really hope today goes ok. Before we set off, I made sure to give my mom an extra long hug, and a very big smile.

[requiemforarainbow]

Little expansion on my last post. Under the cut too.

I don't know why I always feel this need to explain everything, but I'm gonna attempt to satisfy it. So here goes.

Regarding my Nintendo "collection": I am a packrat. Probably genetic; my mom is too. I don't like to throw things away that still work, and I still get enjoyment from this stuff. Getting rid of something I may never be able to get again just doesn't work for me. And getting a digital copy means I may lose access to that too, if the system it's on breaks, or a company decides to pull it. (Happened with Netflix; they took one of my fave shows off their service, and I only found out when I went to watch it again. I don't want the same thing to happen to a game I'm invested in, especially if I haven't finished it or transferred stuff off it.)

It would be different if a game/system breaks. If it's totally non-functional (like my cartridge copy of Silver), then I accept I may have to toss it. But I don't like it. Even busted, I still want to keep it to acknowledge I had it. I owned it. I played it.

And all these systems and games? They were purchased with my parents' sweat and blood. In my dad's case, sometimes literally.

My parents are both retired now, but when he was working, my dad was a firefighter. 30+ years, both as a volunteer and a professional (paid) one. Firefighter and paramedic, in fact. And a small business owner - he owned a gun shop. (No hate, plz. Seriously. I've heard it all. I don't need the BS.)

At one time, when I was about 8-9, he was working 3 jobs simultaneously. Firehouse, ambulance service, and the store. There was an entire YEAR when I only saw my father long enough to say "Hi, dad, love you."

That October, my dad had to sit my sister and me down and tell us we might not be able to afford Christmas. We'd still get something in our stockings, some candy maybe, but no "real" presents. I didn't care; I told my dad what I really wanted was to spend Christmas with him. That's all I wanted, and I was super serious about it.

I swear to God I think I broke his heart with that.

He ended up having to shut down the store in November (troubles with the rent and family shit), and believe it or not, we actually had enough money to afford a small Christmas that year.

This is to say that we have, for decades, survived on a civil servant's salary, and whatever my mom's job at the time brought in. (She's been a switchboard operator, a billing clerk for the same ambulance service my dad worked for, and then a billing clerk for an oral surgeon.)

I have never gotten a game or game system on launch day - except for one game. (Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I saved for it.)

I have always gotten a game or game system months or years after it was released. Traditionally for Christmas, or my birthday if backordered. Since the two are within a month of each other, if something comes out between late January and Christmas, I have to wait. And I don't mind doing so. I never have. Will people be "ahead of me" in the game? Yes. But that also means they'll have experience if I need to ask for help. What routes to take. What not to do. I may miss out on some limited-edition and time-sensitive stuff, like DLC, but that's life. I've missed out on events before because I hate leaving the house, so...nothing new.

With both my parents retired now, we literally live on my dad's pension. Considering how poorly firefighters are paid, it's sometimes tight. (He retired at captain, so it's at least a good amount. But honestly? Firefighters should be paid a SHITLOAD more than they are. But that's a rant for another time.)

What about my paycheck? Well...I'm disabled. I have 3 doctors willing to write the note to hopefully get me on SSI. But at my age (almost 36), I'll almost inevitably be rejected the first time and have to hire a lawyer to appeal. Are my parents willing to help with that? Yes. Why? Because they'd love to see me hopefully being able to support myself a little. (I've tried to mention to them that I'd still be living in poverty even with that, but...boomers.)

Is it possible for me to work at all? No. I can't sit for more than 90 minutes at a stretch. I can't stand for more than 30. I require a cane to walk now. I'm prone to migraine headaches both from overuse of a screen and from florescent lights. My mental illness also makes it damn near impossible to keep my mouth shut. I have no filter; I will call out stupid and not give a damn.

Work from home? See above re: overuse of computer screen, sitting time, and add in carpal tunnel.

Hence the doctors going "Yeah, Jordi, you're kinda fucked."

I've had 2 paying jobs in my life. One was retail, for all of 3 months. I'm pretty sure I got fired for getting injured on the job, but they couldn't actually admit that, so they called it "backtalking a supervisor." (I was TERRIFIED of confrontation back then. I would NEVER have said boo to my supervisor, so it's definite bullshit.) The other one, my first job, was as a filing clerk for...the same ambulance company my parents worked for. Best job I ever had; sit in a basement, file ambulance "run cards," not deal with people. ("Run cards" were the physical paperwork the paramedics had to fill out for every patient they transported. Name, date of birth, insurance, etc. Then they'd file it with the ambulance company billing department to bill the insurance - or the patient if no insurance - and then I'd file it away. They were required to keep them for a minimum of 7 years. Now it's all digital, so that job is, sadly, obsolete.)

Is it kind of embarrassing to still be reliant on my parents for money at my age? Yes. But at the same time, I know how goddamn privileged I am to be able to. How privileged I am that they didn't just kick me out at 18. That they recognize I'm disabled and actually care; not attempt to insist that I can work regardless of reality.

That being said... If I could work, I would in a heartbeat. When I was younger, I had so many volunteer positions - assistant teacher at Girls Inc. for the dance teacher, ceramics teacher, sewing teacher (who just happened to be my mom). I volunteered with political campaigns - most of which my grandmother ran. To be fair, I didn't do these things for nothing in return - my high school required at least 20 hours of community service to graduate, and all the volunteering counted. (I ended up being the 2nd highest community service holder in my class - over 1000 hours over 4 years.)

My "dream job" is to write. Novelist. Editor. Hell, Presidential Speechwriter, if I could snag such a position. (That's my only "political" goal.) I've got more WIPs than I can name. I've got a 2 TB hard drive, almost half full with writing. If I ever managed to get published, believe me, my position will not be "Oh, I did this all by myself." NOOOOOOO. Not even close.

My parents will be thanked. My grandparents. My sister. My friends. Hell, my neighbors.

I don't know why I'm so defensive sometimes. I think it's because I've heard basically everything someone can throw at me and accuse me of regarding everything I've just mentioned.

"You don't know how privileged you are!" Yes. Yes I do.

"You must be rich to have <insert whatever here>!" No, just very fucking lucky.

Stuff like that.

And man, do I know how lucky I got with the parent lottery. Supportive, fairly permissive, and just damn nice. (I have friends that, by the end of their first visit, were already calling them "mom" and "dad".)

Wanna watch that R-rated movie and you're only 9? Okay, but you have to watch it with us so we can answer your questions. (Watched Braveheart in 5th grade. Used some knowledge from that movie to answer a question in class correctly and end up with a shitload of candy. Yes, I made a lot of friends.)

Raised Catholic. Sent to Sunday school. Oh, wait, you want to quit because your teachers have completely disillusioned you are actively trying to sabotage your education? Okay, that's cool. (8th grade Sunday school teacher tried to get us to not take sex ed. Which was rolled into health class in my school. If you failed it, you had to retake it. Until you passed. And sex ed was a whole quarter. And no exemption for religious reasons - you got an F for that section if you sat it out. I got snarky, teacher got pissed, I said "fuck this.") Rejected the entire religion and became pagan? Okay, that's cool. (Yes, they wished me a Blessed Yule again this year. And every year for the last 16.)

Brought home a boyfriend? Awesome. If he breaks your heart, I break his face. (Both parents said this) Figured out you're bi? Awesome. I don't care who you date. But if they break your heart, I break their face.

Don't want biological kids? Okay. Disappointed but understandable. (Long story short, I'd have to go off some meds, and NO ONE wants that.) And adoption is a thing. To be honest...that was always my first inclination anyway.

Okay. I think that need to explain is satisfied. Sorry this is a long-ass rant again. Probably no one will read this anyway, but that annoying voice in my head is quieter now.

And I'm gonna go play Pokemon.