#I fucking hate the third hokage

[tired-biscuit]

biscuit with the way i drop into your asks, i think i need an alias - so can i be 🍁- anon?

the naruto post got me thinking about tying naruto up and making him watch as you play around with his clone…

maybe you’re sucking his dick, maybe you’re fucking him slowly.. maybe you’re edging him repeatedly.. the possibilities are endless

and poor naruto has to watch everything. he could release the clone to feel the feedback hit but you’d be disappointed in him. He could break the ties but he wants to be good for you - wants you to praise him (despite making him cuckhold his own clone and paying him zero attention)

and if, by any possibility, watching you play around with his clone makes his cock throb and leak..well, that’s just an additional pro. In no way is it the main reason he hasn’t done anything yet.. nonono there’s absolutely no link to how his cock seems to get harder than what should be possible at seeing how you and him look together, at an outsider’s point of view of you taking his cock so well

yeah there’s no way it could get better, well, if only his clone could cum on you as well..

18+ fem!reader // cw: cuckolding, bondage.

oh my gosh, imagine doing this after finding out that he’s against his clones fucking you.

like, normally he lets them touch you and finger you and eat you out, but the second things get a little too heated and one clone goes to actually fill you up, he stops the entire thing and takes over even if the feedback feels like it’ll kill him with the overwhelming pleasure it brings.

the first time he does it, you don’t think much of it; after all, maybe he just got a little too excited and lost focus to keep his clones around, it’s completely plausible. however, when it happens for the third or fourth time, you catch on.

and that’s bad news for him.

he’s clearly jealous of his own shadow clones and you find it incredibly intriguing. with his sunshine personality, naruto never struck you as a possessive kind of man, but it seems that he is just that. the way his brow furrows, how his expression turns oddly serious, how an angry vein starts protruding in the side his neck as he swallows thickly whenever a clone gets just a tad bit too greedy for his liking, it’s… hot.

so the entire thing slowly escalates, intimate encounter after intimate encounter. at first you use your charm and the love he has for you to persuade him into watching you kiss his clone in front of him. afterwards, a bit of heavy petting gets involved… along with a bunch of other stuff.

and he hates it, he fucking hates it, but he can’t help but be aroused by it at the same time. he’s in control, he could stop this at any given point, but he doesn’t feel like it at all. so he sits in the chair like a good boy, with his hands tied behind his back — he’d even let his own goddamn clone make sure the knot is as tight as it can be — pathetically bucking his hips in an upward motion and trying to ignore the embarrassingly damp spot of pre-cum that’s growing larger and larger on his boxers as he watches you ride his clone on your shared bed.

it’s a good thing people don’t know that you’re making the hokage, one of the strongest shinobi to ever walk the face of the earth, hump the air like some dog stuck in a rut… that he is actually capable of being that submissive.

nevertheless, his mouth is nearly drooling at the sight of you; how you look so pretty while sitting on his clone’s cock, pussy so wet that it makes that gushy sound whenever your hips slam down, down, down. and fuck, there is so much arousal dripping between the two of you. he sees it glimmering as the clone’s hands dig into your hips, the fat of your ass, your back. the bastard is groping and fondling every inch of you that he possibly can as he reaches up to tangle them into your hair.

the sound of skin slapping against skin is so loud, it echoes in his brain. your pace picks up and he sees himself — well, his clone — blush even harder and clench his jaw in shaky concentration at the feeling that ministration brings, meaning that he’s fighting every last urge not to spill his seed inside you at that very moment, blindly grasping for the last ropes of sanity that he has.

the mere thought of someone else cumming inside you, even if it’s theoretically still him, makes naruto burn with rage, envy, you name it. he fights against the rope all of a sudden, teeth bared and muscles tense, pulling on it so hard that he can hear the wood of the chair straining in protest, but stops just when it reaches its breaking point from the way you suddenly moan his name out and turn to look at him at the very peak of your orgasm.

his cock throbs as he watches the entire thing unfold before his eyes. you’re looking at him, him, as your high hits you and your cunt squeezes around his clones’s cock, and it causes sudden warmth to bloom inside the original naruto’s belly. he’s enjoying this entire thing just as much as you are and he probably doesn’t even realise it.

“he never lets us do this,” the clone is nearly breathless as he drawls on the words and glances over your shoulder so that he can also give naruto a look. however, unlike yours that is full of love and appreciation, his is a mixture between utter daze and… conceit. he’s about to fill you up to the brim any second now, isn’t he? “god, sweetheart, your pussy… he never lets us do any of this… c’mere, let’s finish this.”

and judging by the look on naruto’s face, that contorts as soon as you feel something warm start to drip between your legs, you get a feeling that he indeed never will do so again.

[mixelation]

i wrote. con stuff

Kakashi was refilling water canteens when he saw him up close for the first time. 

There were water jugs, set up along the hallways of the hotel. They came with nearly useless paper cones, and the space beneath the spigot wasn’t quite right for a Konoha-issued canteen. Kakashi was tucked into an alcove of one of the less trafficked corridors, finagling water into his canteen with the grace of a genin field-dressing their first wound, when he was hit with the scent of cinnamon. 

Kakashi looked up. There was a gaggle of people headed his way, their loud civilian footsteps muffled by the carpet. They were all clearly orbiting around one person. 

Kakashi found himself craning his head to look. He’d seen that guy from afar, before– he was the three-time winner of the Hokage Look-alike contest. He was in full costume, and Kakashi had to admit: this guy did make that cloak look good. He had cooler boots than Minato, even, and a roguish smile that made him look just a little dangerous, and a sword at his waist that Minato would never use but certainly offered a specific aesthetic. He was tanned and tall, and even though his hair was clearly bleached, it was cut well to frame his handsome face. Instead of a flak jacket zipped up to his neck, he had a low V-neck shirt that showed off he was as fit as everyone thought a ninja should be. He even smelled cool: sandalwood soap and cinnamon whiskey. 

Kakashi watched him as he passed by and then entered a screening room for some terrible TV show, his entourage of men and women alike babbling along behind him. The guy walked with the confidence of a Kage, even if his swagger was painfully civilian. 

Kakashi had spilled water all over his gloves. This was not a big deal, except he’d been refilling fucking Itachi’s canteen along with his own. Kakashi found him with the rest at a table in the little food court, and as he took his canteen, Itachi’s eyes traveled from his damp hand to his face with a look of judgment, like he knew exactly what happened. 

Itachi’s judgment, if one were to qualify and analyze all his facial expressions (or lack thereof, considering he had on an ANBU mask today), was mild. But it still felt like intense scrutiny. 

“Maa, Sensei, I saw your clone,” Kakashi said, sliding into an empty seat. Someone had bought him an extremely disappointing looking lunch. Wonderful. “He had about ten people following him.”

“Oh, so like the real Hokage,” Tori quipped. 

Minato amicably rolled his eyes, pushing a drink at Kakashi. Kakashi was pretty sure Itachi was technically on duty now, as Minato’s guard lost their shit whenever he decided to randomly leave Konoha for the day. There were a lot of cosplayers in bad ANBU masks wandering around, but Itachi wasn’t the type to break regulation for a quick costume. 

Tori would probably wear anything, though, Kakashi thought as she unpacked a plastic bag to show off her purchases. He should buy her a bird mask. She’d hate that. 

A chicken, he decided, flipping over a doujin to read the back. 

“Well?” Minato prompted, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Was his costume accurate?”

“Not really,” Kakashi replied. The doujin was about a fictional kunoichi realizing she was the Third Kazekage’s lovechild. Weird. “He sort of had… pirate vibes?”

Minato squinted at him uncertainly. 

“But cool,” Kakashi assured him. 

“His name is X,” Tori said very authoritatively. “Just X. That’s what’s on all his registrations.”

Minato frowned thoughtfully at his own lunch. “Is that cool? I can’t decide if that’s cool or not.”

“They think it’s cool,” Tori said, pointing to the entrance of the food court. 

X must not have liked the TV show very much, because he and what looked like an even bigger gaggle of fans spilled into the food court. Minato turned to watch blatantly and Tori followed suit, like gossipy children. 

(Itachi was much more subtle as he checked out the guy. He was in uniform, after all.)

“Wow,” Minato half-whispered, turning back around. “He does have pirate vibes. But, like, cool?”

“Is that an earring?” Itachi asked. 

“Should I get a shirt like that?” Minato wondered, staring down at himself. 

“I’m going to go talk to him,” Tori announced, kicking her feet over the bench. “Investigate. Find out his secrets.”

“Find out who made his cloak,” Minato told her. “Mine’s getting raggedy.”

Tori sauntered off. She always stomped around cons with the gait of a civilian, but Kakashi watched her add a little sway to her hips as she sashayed directly up to the mass of people floating around X as he ordered a shave ice. 

Kakashi watched Tori’s mouth as she twirled a strand of hair and asked if X also had Minato’s famous ANBU tattoo, which Minato absolutely didn’t have. She punctuated this by brushing her hand against his bicep. 

Kakashi read X’s lips as he smiled back at her: A true fan, are you?

“Damn, those dimples,” Minato commented. “I think I’m a little in love.”

One of the women who’d been floating around X looked absolutely stricken when Tori replied to a teasing accusation of being bold with, The Yellow Flash is quick but I’m quicker. 

“Does that even make sense?” Itachi wondered. 

“Should we…” Kakashi started. That guy was at least thirty, and Tori was seventeen. But also: Tori would eat him alive. Kakashi wasn’t sure where this train of thought had been going. 

Now she was leading him back over to them. She was quick. She had a little skip to her step on par with the time she’d shown him a seal made out of bacteria in a Petri dish. 

“This is X,” Tori introduced. Five separate people had sort of filed after them. “X, this is my Uncle, Minato.”

Itachi did a sort of full body twitch that made Tori’s eyes glint. If anyone connected the dots, no one showed it. Minato’s actual name wasn’t very common knowledge among civilians. 

“Er, hi,” Minato said, awkwardly standing to bow. His cheeks were pink. “Um– nice costume.”

X’s return smile was a little too cocky to be truly friendly, but also, those cheekbones. 

“Oh, you have a whole little group,” X drawled. “That’s cute.”

Itachi twitched again. Tori’s smile was starting to gain a sort of manic quality. 

“Thanks,” Minato replied slowly, clearly completely unsure what else he was supposed to say. “Uh, I was wondering– your cloak–”

X laughed, patted Minato on the shoulder, and promised him his own cloak was good enough. Then he shot Tori a wink and walked back to the rest of his entourage, just like that. 

“Umm,” Minato said, standing there dumbly. He twisted his face down to stare at where X had touched him. “Hmm.”

“I planted a tracker on him if you want to follow him,” Tori said, plopping down into her seat.

“I…” Minato continued to stand there, staring at his shoulder. Kakashi, somehow, understood this. 

(“I think we should find his hotel room and go through all his things,” Tori said. “Maybe steal his girlfriend. It’d be fun.”

“Entirely unnecessary,” Itachi replied.)

[zxxalta]

Minato manga spoilers below cut

This raised a BUNCH of questions for me. It seems like Kushina couldn’t ever really leave this radius without permission from the third Hokage, was she confined to this space her entire life? Which means she never saw Konoha in its entirety.

She was taken from her home country as a little girl (which was destroyed later on), brought to a different one for reasons she was not told and then forced to stay in one area forever?? She wasn’t even able to fully see her new “home”. Konoha made her a prisoner in a sentence. It’s so fucked up

This all begs the question why wasn’t Naruto given the same treatment? Here’s what I think. I think they took these precautions with Kushina because she was an outsider, she had no real allegiance to Konoha which would have made to easier to just leave the village and never return had she wanted.

But bc Naruto was a Konoha citizen that incentive to leave was something to worry about as he would have been easier to control through propaganda and mold into Konoha’s weapon. I hate it here.

If you wanna read it here it is

[happypanda101]

Welp, time to make people in the fandom hate me again.

Naruto was more obsessed with Sasuke than this fandom likes to claim that Sakura was. So far as that he put his dreams on hold (saying he “couldn’t become hokage”) for a guy that attempted to kill/physically hurt him six or more times.

Meanwhile, Sakura, even if she ended up not being able to do it, put it on herself to end Sasuke’s life even if she cared for him for the sake of Naruto, the villages and Sasuke himself because she couldn’t bare to see him continue down the corrupted path he was heading down.

Naruto was willing to put everyone and everything in jeopardy for the sake of someone who doesn’t want to go back to Konoha at all for justified reasons.

And I just have to laugh when people say “oh Sakura chased after Sasuke” Naruto fucking did that the whole series. Who left the village for training for the sake of Sasuke? Naruto. Who was the most upset when they found Sasuke was gone on the third attempted retrieval mission? Naruto.

I’m not trying to rag on the Sasuke and Naruto friendship, it holds a place in my heart, but I had to nitpick its flaw. Especially when I have cut off people who have displayed the same behaviour as Sasuke (jealousy, belittling, sudden aggression, insulting over nothing, using someone’s past against them).

[ilbenmalpensanteus]

I think I cannot hold myself back anymore, so I will say it.

The fact that Sasuke and Naruto decide to marry two stereotypical, canonical, a-characterized girls is not a sign of a necessarily brotherly (merely platonic) bond.

In the medieval Japanese culture, in fact, true love often could be found only between two man (‘cause they are similar creatures and they can understand each other better than man/women couples - yeah, I know, how sexist, but we are talking about the 13th century sooo). It is possible to recognise the same idea in the antique Greece (even if usually the relationship is between teacher and his student - but the concept is, more or less, the same - you can see Platon about it). Marriage is a tool to grant reproduction and connection (Sasuke’s idea about “I want to repopulate the clan”, -yeah, alone and far away from home for 12 fucking years (r’u okay, dude?) Naruto dream of becoming hokage - never at home after:

-Hashirama that went for a walk everyday with his bff

-his brother who spent more time masturbating on proibite jutsu than actually ruling

-the third that, like the first, went for a walk but with Naruto instead

-the fourth: a loveable father and husband that had dinner at home with her wife and cooked as well

-tsunade: alcoholic, gambler, one of the sannins AND medic nin

-kakashi… well, you all know about his addiction for porn

-NARUTO: orphan, love-starved for life, can’t find the force to stay at home, shitty dad ecc ecc in time of peace.

Buuut oookkkkaaaayy?!).

Many aspects of Kishi’s plot and characters are inspired by historical Samurai’ customs and figures (also, the ninja world’ structure described by Kishi is more similiar to Samurai’ than that’s of true ninjas - whose usually are mercenaries and more similiar to bandits than heroes).

ALSO, who knows something, even if only the basics, about literature, can easily read in the entire story the most important iconographic topoi of romance and LOVE.

I will summarize some of them because there are many:

-Romeo and Juliet: “I’m the only one who can bear the full brunt of your hate! It’s my job, no one else’s! I’ll bear the burden of your hatred… And we’ll die together!”. Then, summarising the rest: “in the afterlife I will not be the vessil anymore; you will not be an uchiha ecc ecc”= Capuleti and Montecchi: Juliet and Romeo tried to bear the hatred that their families had for each other; finally only death permits them to love and realise their dream to stay in each other arms.

-in their afterlife (pre-mortem experience) Sasuke and Naruto are found together (no itachi, no parents - only the two of them)

-Achille and Patroclo (I think I won’t speak about that because I could spend VOLUMES)

-the love triangle

-star-watching while whispering the name of smone we love (or desire)

Anyway I have no watched Boruto and I don’t intend to: everything after the second Valley of End is no more than “found raising” (without charity) and politically correct (that of 15 years ago - especially in Eastern Countries). Same thing about The Last and these other craps: BULLSHIT: Naruto, suddenly, DON’T understand love anymore… came on, are u serious man?

PS when I think about chakras of two siblings I cannot not think about soulmates:

- chakra, like soul, have NO gender (and we all know that Naruto and Sasuke are not brother)

-if you insist about they being siblings thanks Indra’ and Asura’ chakras I have to remind you that VERY OFTEN in EVERY MYTHOLOGIES of the world (yeah, in Japan as well) between deities there is no incest concept and ooops Indra and Asura WERE SEMI-DEITIES, so..

I would thank my current occupation as phd student in History and Religion: that has helped a lot to understand the implicit tune of the show/manga

PSS the shit about “clingy Sakura yelp cause sasuke taps her forehead” is, precisely, bullshit: Itachi (sasuke’s real brother) did the same thing to keep away sasuke. When he says “I will always love you” he doesn’t do that, no SIR; also, when sasuke asks Naruto what he really means by “friend”, Naruto, at the very end says “I DON’T FUNCKIN KNOW, but when you hurt I hurt”. He is the one that really understands Sasuke NOT SAKURA

Also, Naruto frees Kurama (8 tails) after Hinata’s (fake) death, okay but, seriously? The seal is merely there at this point, everyone is dead, she tried to help him but cannot do it because is not a real ninja and he got LIVID. I understand that.. than he forget all that she had said

When the kages asks for sasuke elimination, Naruto is not angry, Naruto is broken and has a real panic attack, so… I think there are some difference due the circumstances.

The hints ‘bout canonical ships during the series are, really, unuseful like an ass with no hole.

So, I have to stop here. This is my deposition, your honor.

Sorry if I made mistakes but it’s late here, I’m tired and English is not my native language

[dark-elf-writes]

Sharing the sharingan:

Itachi being like “huh, what? You just told me to kill all the Uchiha’s Mr.Danzo. And this piece of paper clearly says that man is NOT an Uchiha. You’d think the shadow hokage would know how to fucking read.”

What to do when your teammate uses you to commit suicide (a self help guide for the lost, confused, and used)

the book is blank because hey it’s a first for me too kid.

An Uchiha who turns to love rather than hate.

Them taking care of Sakumo’s body and cleaning the blood off kakashi :’(

ACE/ARO REP BITCHESSSSS

Kakshi double fisting a weirdly accurate self help book and pure smut while white knuckling his mental health.

Two bros chilling in a one room apartment with a hoard of semi-adopted kids co-writing porn for their little brother’s mental health because they’re not gay

ADHD Hyuga 0-0

Naruto buying Kabuto and scaring him with his teeth cuz he won’t go to any other healer but the Uchiha

“Destroy eyes” pact now including one traumatized dog man

May the lord have mercy on your insignificant soul because I swear to god if I ever see your bitch ass again I will not.

Gordon Uchiha

As much as it hurts to see the light come for his pups he’s so fucking glad they get to live another day, get to break the cycle of the Hatakes (because they are all Hatakes no matter what clans two of them were born into) dying young.

*sniffle*^^^^^

Big Lap Dog problem where the pups grew bigger and Sakumo did not as he is dead, so where two scrawny teenagers and an actual toddler never knocked Sakumo over three ANBU who have long since grown out of the gangliness of youth and have spent years packing on muscle through training very much do.

But you are incredibly correct imagining them as different heights is somehow deeply upsetting and they have to be the exact same height for Reasons

The three friend killers. With phantom blood of enemies and once allies forever staining their hands. The three remaining sharingan users. All of them with a flee on sight status in most bingo books. All of them cuddling in the nearly empty lounge.

The Uchiha: oh yeah…sorry I called you a bitch. The Hyuga: it’s fine. I am a bitch.

So when she knows she can't escape (She was never going to beat them, they have always been better than her no matter how hard she tried) she decides to just.... let their jutsu hit her. To die by her brothers hands is probably the best end she could hope for.

She stands back from the fire at first when the boys finally meet them (too soon. Far too soon) but kakashi spots her in the dark just like he always had. And what chance did she have not to be buried under the weight of her brothers (what were they all eating that they had gotten so damn tall.

one soul in two bodies, the closest someone could be to another person without cracking their chest open to crawl inside (she wondered one day if one of them would. Would take that final step to rejoin their hearts until they were one whole being again.) they had taken different approaches to the hatred

Seeing two Byakugan split between two faces. Knowing that the eyes once called the true heart of a dojutsu user were swapped between the two in actuality.

Sasuke constantly stuck in a game of catch-up he never seems to win. Chasing after distant goals and figures he can barely see, let alone match.

The third teammate in sharing the Sharingan: “But she’s still the outsider, she doesn’t share their strange pack mentality…”. Me: it’s the neurodivergence babe.

!!!!!

[thebleedingeffect]

I'm... strangely tempted to write something involving dark minato cause like?? I feel like his character is such a cool one with so much of a legacy behind him but in reality? We really don't know all that much about him! We know that he's one of the few shinobi alive that beat Itachi's and Kakashi's scores aka labeling him as the genius of his generation. We know that he's pretty charismatic and an approachable guy with a much warmer character considering the shinobi world. We know that he was the youngest hokage up to then and was widely feared and loved in equal respects.

We know that he has a 'flee on sight' order and it's strongly hinted that his kill count is absolutely fucking ridiculous, making him one is not the most dangerous shinobi to encounter during the third shinobi war. Just... it makes me wonder about the concept of what kind of guy is Minato, such a man that was willing to seal a demon inside his own son, being willing to sacrifice his and his wife's lives for the village, while believing that Hiruzen and the village would love him despite everything. It's so interesting to me!! The contradiction of this man who's so extremely smart, cunning, and willing to do near anything to protect konoha, yet is so blindly accepting to the near encompassing flaws of his ideals cause it means he must come to accept that konoha IS fucked up!!

One comparison that I just thought of is that in the first Itachi shinden book there's an entire plot point that Itachi fundamentally cannot accept and has a hard time grasping the conflict between konoha and the Uchiha clan. Cause logically! He knows how hatred works! He knows how discrimination comes to be as he's seen it and experienced it himself! But even then he's so perceptive and self-analyzing and approaches them from such an objective view that he just has a hard time relating with other people.

That's something I belive Minato also experiences albeit in a different sort of way. I think Minato *believes* in what should be done, because logically Naruto saved the village! The hokage and every shinobi should be willing and ready to die for the village! Minato KNOWS this and accepts it but at the same time fundamentally forgets that people just!! Don't work like that!! Especially hurt people that despite knowing their leader could die- will always resent and hate the object they deem responsible for his death despite him chosing that fate.

That's what makes the idea of dark minato so intriguing to me, the idea of a good man who's covered by a thread of something just being so, so wrong with him, but he's so lovely and good at playing the game that no one even *thinks* about testing him. The idea of a man who's lost so much and has every single one of his ideals tested until he can hold on and possess what he has left. I want that man fucked UP!!! I want that man to take a life into his own hands and decide that no, this life is mine, no one else's. Despite knowing for a fact that he's going against his own responsibilities as hokage in doing so!! Cause he's a man before all else, a man who is desperate, grieving, and needs to hold onto something and never let go.

Anyway here's my sales pitch of dark minato with kakashi-

[hotmonkeelove]

Naruto Tag Game (New Addition)

(I did this years ago and my opinions have evolved)

Tagged by: no one, I saw it here.

How far are you in the series?: I never got past Ino-Shika-Cho and Kakashi fighting Hidan and Kakuzu. It was tiresome.

Do you prefer the anime or manga?: I don’t really read the manga, but it’s definitely better as far as Boruto is concerned, since the anime is so bent on making Mitsuki simp for Boruto.

Favorite movie: Road to Ninja

Least Favorite Movie: Of the ones I’ve seen, The Stone of Gellel was kind of dull. Couldn't follow it.

Favorite filler episodes: Most any of the ones with Lee, the Bikochu beetle arc, and Ino Screams: Chubby Paradise!

Least favorite filler episodes: The Land of Tea arc is boring! Though Aoi was cool.

Favorite male character: Orochimaru

Favorite female character: Anko

Second and third favorite male character: Gaara, Mitsuki

Second and third favorite female character: ChoCho, Tenten

Character(s) you Dislike or Hate: Boruto, Danzo, Hiruzen.

Favorite Village(s): Otogakure

Least Favorite Village(s): Konohagakure

Favorite and second favorite clan: Akimichi, Inuzuka

Favorite Sannin: Orochimaru

Least Favorite Sannin: Tsunade, but I actually love them all. I used to hate Jiraiya, but he grew on me. The pervy bastard... Now I'm hot for him! Heeheehee!

Favorite Kage: Gaara

Favorite Hokage: Tsunade

Least favorite Hokage: Kakashi himself said he was the worst, though Hiruzen was an arse.

Favorite Jinchuuriki: Gaara

Favorite tailed beast: Shukaku

Favorite Summoning: Manda

Favorite Jutsu: Orochimaru’s permanent tongue stretching jutsu. So hot and so much potential!

Favorite kekkei genkai: Either Haku’s or Kimimaro’s.

Favorite ability of Pein’s: Almighty pratfall, heehee!

Favorite Jounin or Anbu: Gai

Favorite Filler Character(s): Suzumebachi

Least Favorite Filler Character(s): Those ninja postal carriers. They’re creepy!

Favorite canon couple(s): Choji x Karui

Favorite almost canon couple(s): Orochimaru x Anko, Mitsuki x ChoCho, Zabuza x Haku, Gaara x Matsuri, Neji x Teten.

Worst canon couple: Sakura's parents are pretty lame.

Least favorite fanon couple(s): Boruto x Mitsuki, Anko x anyone other than Orochimaru (though especially Kakashi).

Favorite yaoi couple(s): Zabuza x Haku

Favorite yuri couple(s): Oddly enough, I don’t really ship any yuri pairings from Naruto. Tsunade x Mei is pretty hot, though. And sometimes Sakura x Ino.

Couple(s) that you ship romantically and as friends: Orochimaru and Tsunade

Favorite protagonist: Gaara

Favorite antagonist: Orochimaru, though I consider him the real hero!

Favorite Akatsuki member: Orochimaru!

Favorite Akatsuki couple: Sasuke x Karin, if they count?

Favorite member of Team Taka Hebi: Juugo, though the retcon his character creates really irritates me.

Least Favorite Member of Team Taka Hebi: Sasuke

Favorite member or weapon of the 7 Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist (including Zabuza and Raiga): Zabuza and his kubikiribocho!!!

Which character do you think deserves more appreciation: Anko, the real Anko. Not the ridiculously sanitized version shallow fans have to make her more palatable.

Which character do you think deserves less appreciation: Kakashi, he's way too op.

Which character(s) didn’t deserve to die: Neji, Asuma, Jiraiya.

Someone who should have died or you would not change their death: Gaara’s father. My god, did he have it coming!

Who do you ship Naruto with: Hinata; they’re boring as a married couple, but I imagine they have a secret kinky side.

Who do you ship with Sasuke: Karin, because all the biting is hot. Mmm, hurt me! Also, I like their chemistry.

Which character do you think looks good with everybody: I don’t ship characters because they “look good together.” That’s fucking stupid.

Which character out of Teams 7(don’t forget Sai),8,10, Gai would join the Akatsuki: Um, didn’t Sasuke join?

Hottest female character: Though I think Kurenai’s the prettiest, I’ll go with Mei. I will not say Anko, because that just feels like wanking.

Hottest male character: Orochimaru

Would you eat Ramen: I have. Dango is better.

What would be your ‘ninja way’: To serve a great master.

What is your opinion of the ninja world (like how Jiraiya discusses in his book): It’s cruel and corrupt.

Which character would you have liked to see drunk: Always Lee! More drunk Lee!

What do you think Kakashi’s book Icha Icha really says?: Whatever nasty filth Jiraiya wrote.

Pro-ending or anti-ending: It could’ve been better, but there are some good points.

How would your version of Naruto ending and Boruto play out (don’t be shy, make it VERY LONG, out touch the smallest details):  Orochimaru and Anko reconcile and marry, we get some backstory for Choji and Karui’s love, as well as Lee and Metal’s mom, Log gets more scenes, Mitsuki is the main protagonist, and Boruto gets the shit kicked out of him till he learns to behave. And maybe we could bring Jiraiya back to life…?

Tags: Ugh, do I have to?

[sasukeless]

help i trying to make a sasuke jinchuuriki au with matatabi but you can't change shit without messing everything up 😭 i don't want naruto to also have kurama (or maybe that's the best option?) i really don't want to change naruto and sasuke dynamic and they both are defined by loneliness and neglect as young children but an uchiha jinchuuriki would be too op to an kuramaless naruto like... i really like the idea of fuinjutso specialist naruto exploring more about the uzumaki clan and looking more like kushina (also minato and kushina must be dead bc they would broke canon like minato would NOT let the uchiha be marginalized in the first place so no coup and no massacre by the village... maybe by obito's hand?) but if they died at the kyuubi attack where would kurama go if not sealed into naruto? i was thinking about just make naruto younger and not be born yet so they seal it into someone else? That could be sasuke but I don't want him to be kurama's jinchuuriki

The uchiha massacre should still happen bc i think it's core to sasuke character like looking for revenge, but by who? And who would sasuke hunt down if not itachi? I don't think sasuke would have hunt him down if itachi wasn't so obsessed about it and retraumatizing him lol

Maybe if sasuke was treated like pure shit by the village his anger could be canalized there instead? I think that's the best option but i want that clan gone... i have no idea how Matatabi from kumo would be sealed into sasuke, maybe if mikoto was the jinchuuriki instead of kushina (this also would be really interesting and a good conflict between mikoto and kushina if they seal that in Sasuke's body)

I think it would be interesting if:

Matatabi jinchuuriki mikoto (maybe just swapping kurama and matatabi regions) dies at obito's attack and the nibi gets sealed into sasuke, fugaku mikoto and minato (maybe minato dies later to give naruto that sense of family and then loss like sasuke) but kushina and itachi don't (idk what to do with itachi but i like his fucked up relationship with sasuke so ill fit him somewhere).

Kushina and Minato (if he lives im not sure) take care of naruto normally, they don't adopt sasuke since the clan is not gone yet, the massacre should take place with the third as hokage so when minato dies. *Sasuke should be hated by everyone specially inside the clan since he was responsible for the clan leaders death and bc of demon etc. *Sasuke should still leave the village at some point and naruto would still chase him idk I don't want to change that. *Matatabi and Sasuke's relationship would be very different from Naruto and Kurama's, Matatabi is very respectful and i can see her trying to be in a good relationship with sasuke but sasuke resenting her and shaming her for everything etc. And instead of kurama warming up to Naruto it would be sasuke warming up to matatabi...

Idk if i will figure this out but i think is an interesting role reversal i wish some writer or artist could do it instead of me with an iq in the negatives

SORRY FOR THE WORD VOMIT IM SURE IM MOT MAKING SENSE BUT I HOPE YOU RESPOND IDC IF ITS FOR INSULTING ME

okay i finally read this and i’m gonna be honest with you i don’t really knoww. i got lost a bit trying to understand some parts but i get the general idea? sadly i feel like this something i can’t help you sorry. it’s not really my area because i don’t really like role reversal in general but if you’re into that i say go for it

[im-still-watching-anime]

*talking to sasuke before the war*

third hokage: i failed as a hokage because i allowed and relied on danzo and let corruption thrive in the village to the point that we had no choice but to force a child to murder his entire family and clan before going into exile as someone to be hunted down his entire life

minato: that’s nothing. i failed as a hokage because i died young while saving the entire village from certain destruction with my wife. i’m such a failure for not being able to deal with the entire threat by myself and also for dying

third hokage: yeah that really sucked minato you made me do so much more work including taking care of your orphan kid, it was so difficult to never talk to him and punish him all the time for acting out :/

[iooiu]

So does Danzo/Donzo/ mr wannabe 6th hokage still exact? Or did Shisui or itachi or both take care of him??

He does, unfortunately, still exist in this au. In fact, it was Danzo that ended up killing the third hokage, which prompted Tsunade to take the title earlier (pre-chunin exams).

Ahh, Itachi’s sickness, ha ha,,,,,,,

[oheejun-archive]

the third hokage's grave is a gender neutral bathroom

HELL YEAH IT IS

[mobiletrashcan]

Me rewatching Naruto

(Episode 1)

“He sacrificed his life to capture the beast.”

DON'T FORGET HIS SON

“you're supposed to be in class!”

And you're the teacher?!

“Naruto, do your best!”

WHYNDONT YOY FUCKING SAY RHAT TO HIS FACR HE COULDVE USED THAT

“you're not going home until-"

WHAT HOME

“I'm never gonna pass!” *starts to think about his seal and shit*

none of thIS WAS HIS FAAAAAULT

“it's Naruto!”

Isn't it always?

“the scroll of sealing, no!”

But… Uzumaki… fūinjustu… hrMMMM

“by the first hokage-"

hashiRAMAAAAAAAAAA

“look out!” *boops Naru*

BAHAHAHA

*mizuki and Iruka telling Naruto different things* *Narus confused face*

NiBbA

“you are the nine tailed fox!”

well fiRst OFf

*third hokage trying to do something good and FAILING*

“because we're the same”

THAT'S A LITTLE DEBATABLE

*mizuki watching off stage and not attacking as Iruka tells his sob story*

“you saw that look in his eye”

WHAT, THE BUDDING LOVE FOR HIS SASUCHAN?

“Mizuki has a big mouth”

MOUTHA FUCKA YOU JUST MAD HE TOLD ON YOU

“if Naruto keeps tampering with the scroll, the seal that locks the fox spirit inside of him will be broken”

Hmmm, well oh so great one you should’ve realized a little something about his sEaL

“because I'm- Iruka.”

OKAY BATMAN

“his suffering only makes him stronger”

BUT LOVE FUCKING WORKS TOO ASSHOLE

“so this is it-"

YEET

“if you ever lay a hand on my sensei, I'll kill you!”

I mean he kinda keeps his word for a while there

“shadow clone jutsu!”

Ah… here we go again.

*sees all the Naruto’s*

Sasukes wet dream

“they're solid clones!”

THATS MY BOOOOOI

“and I'm starting to believe he might do it!”

Well I mean even if he didn't officially become hokage he was much stronger than them. Especially with his emo ninja boyfriend

“this is only the beginning,”

TELL ME ABOUT IT

*hears the outro*

AHHHHH IM CRTING DJS

DONT CRY CAUSE YOURE SO RIIIIIGHt

[mokutone]

What are your opinions about the Third? Do you like him? Do you hate him? Do you just not give a shit about him lmao?

oooh thank you for the question... i would say i'm interested in him.

ough.

obviously morally he's abhorrent, and when watching his segments of the anime, i am frequently saying "jesus christ, this fucking idiot" and "i hate him" but, i am interested in him.

i like thinking about him because he's one of the few very villain characters in naruto who is both: 1) interesting, and 2) NOT coded as (or an outright) sex offender, as far as i can remember. (He does, unfortunately, have some creepy tendencies, however.) [edited for clarity]

It's no secret on this blog that I don't really find any of the akatsuki interesting at all. Orochimaru makes me furious. Danzō contributes some very compelling things to the narrative, but he himself is incredibly boring as a character...kabuto just makes me sad...i don't really know madara? or care about him at this point? Haku and zabuza were great but they also have been dead for like, ever.

Hiruzen is an absolutely heinous little man for sure, but the gaps in his character are interesting. I became immediately curious after i saw him pull out a fucking crystal ball, and then mention that, acting on the commands of the fourth hokage before him, he was sending anbu after anyone who mentioned the nine-tailed fox.

So, old man that everyone in the village except for naruto and his actual grandson seems to see as their respectable grandfather. Who also runs a surveillance state, of which a main purpose seems to be isolating the son of his predecessor. Does he understand that? Is he stupid?

Then, there's his relationship with the sannin. we never really see any of them interact with him in the present of the naruto narrative except for orochimaru, who just fuuuuuucking hates this guy. He thinks that his relationship with orochimaru was close, he considers himself tolerant and even affectionate towards orochimaru—clearly, orochimaru has a different perspective on that.

as far as I can remember, we don't see jiraiya or tsunade ever talk about wanting to go visit hiruzen, or talk to him. They don't seem to miss him when he's not around. At his funeral, we see jiraiya standing near a puddle, arms crossed. Does he miss Hiruzen? He never seems to talk about the old man.

Apparently he put one of his kids into anbu, and the other one, Asuma, kinda hated Hiruzen for a long time there.

The fact that nobody who was close to him seems like they can stand to be around him, through this reading of canon, is kind of a fascinating detail to me, especially since you have to juxtapose that with the other canon detail of everyone at his funeral kind of implying that they all think that he was like a grandfather to them.

on top of that, there's his relationship to danzō—danzō considered him a threat and a rival, but hiruzen didn't seem to hold danzō in the same regard lol. i don't even think he ever thought danzō was in his league...but at the same time, he seems to have some sort of weird protective feeling for danzō, because he routinely enables and allows danzō to do things like kidnap children, possibly frequently from konoha itself. and also make attempts on hiruzen's own life.

he seems to feel responsible for a lot of ills, but his responsibility doesn't seem to make the problems better. For both orochimaru and danzō, he just kind of enables them.

for naruto, he unquestioningly takes the 4ths wishes t heart, and actively creates a situation where naruto is as isolated as possible, barring iruka's interference.

Then, most meaty of all for me, there's his relationship to Tenzō (as Tenzō was not Yamato under his reign) Tenzō is essentially the product of two of Hiruzen's greatest mistakes, Orochimaru and Danzō. He's attatched, by his hashirama genes, to the senju family, to which tsunade his student, and tobirama, his teacher, both belonged.

and yet still, despite all this being evident to him the moment Kakashi tells him that this kid has the mokuton, he refuses to lift a finger to involve himself in the fate of this kid until kakashi forces his hand.

what the hell is YAMATOS opinion on hiruzen. that is what i want to know. i have no doubt that danzō would've told kinoe that hiruzen is weak, fallible and old, softened and sentimental, empathetic to the enemy and a danger to konoha—but is that the impression that tenzō is going to get?

hiruzen would've been happy to let tenzō rot in Root, it seems, except for Kakashi's involvement. That's not a bleeding heart! Hiruzen can be cunning too, and manipulative. And, as an anbu, Tenzō is going to interact with Hiruzen at Hiruzen's most brutal, as the missions he will carry out for Hiruzen are the vilest missions Hiruzen will assign.

i think that he's an old old man with a massive crevice in the core of his being.

[dark-elf-writes]

So many thoughts at 1:12 am!!!!

1) The Jonin standing by/ for Naruto and Neji is absolute perfection. You are a benevolent deity for giving us this.

2) Not only has Konoha failed Naruto and Neji in previous loops by not coming to their aid or believing them, but in allowing for Orochimaru to exist at all.

I’m not even talking about “if his team was better he wouldn’t be lonely and immoral” or “if his teacher was less suspicious he’d be loyal” I mean literally exist. It’s a military dictatorship filled with assassins raised to be loyal to shared cause. Anyone who deviated from that in an extreme way, anyone who betrayed it, should have been executed by all means.

And it’s worse because he’s not just some two bit shinobi that would die in a year without the villages backing. Orochimaru is a powerful person to lose as an ally, and an even worse one to let loose as an enemy. But even while he had a chance, the third hokage failed to dispose of a threat to Konoha and no Jonin has forgotten that.

Can’t forget it when the evidence is staring back at them them in the form of two boys leaning as far into each other space as they can without limiting the others range of movement. Who, even tucked away in the Hokage’s office surrounded by the best shinobi Konoha has to offer, their eyes flicker to shadows and mark the ANBU layered in illusions there periodically. Especially not when Naruto’s eyes linger on Anko for longer than the rest and offers her a soft smile equal parts understanding and empathy.

“I’m sorry that he marked you like that. He managed to do that to us in a couple loops too. It was…it hurt”

Look I adore Orochimaru more than I probably should but the fact that he was allowed to live after what he did much less was allowed to escape will forever be one of my many reasons to hate Hiruzen. They are all killers and he is in essence the king of killers. Guilt or not, allowing his former student to live after he had been caught should have clued people in that he was not fit to be Hokage. He’s a danger to the village. Fucking kill him.

Anko in particular would never forget that the third had a chance to end all of this, to save her these kids and was too weak, to sentimental, to take it. He failed as Hokage and now there are scores of bodies (children’s bodies more than any others) littered across the land because of that failure.

And these boys, these two shattered kids who eye most of them with suspicion at best, these children who were forced to get up and fight and die time after time because Orochimaru wasn’t stopped stand as living breathing proof of that failure too.

So when Might Guy and Kakashi threaten to leave, to take out as many as these bastards before they go, Anko adds her own voice, coiled and ready to strike like the snake he had made her into.

Another child Hiruzen had failed to save.

She would protect these two newest testaments to his failure with her life.

(Anko hasn’t cried in years, has fought her way through the tightening in her throat and tremble in her hands whoever her former sensei was mentioned, has all but killed the scared little girl she could only partially remember and covered herself in scales stronger than any iron to hide the remnants of that girl away.

She nearly sobs when one of those boys looks at her with slitted pupils, like cat a fox not a snake, and apologizes for the curse mark. The first person to offer sympathy rather than pity to fear. Someone who understands.)

She could strangle the third for failing two more children, would if it came to it. If she could only beat Hatake and perhaps the Hyuga boy to the old man’s throat.