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#I have a lot more issues but. Maybe for another time. Or never
yanderes-galore · 3 days
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Hiii! Absolutely in love with your writing! Never thought you'd ever write for Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel. Out of your top fandoms, may I propose that the reader is immune to Vox's hypnosis? Having this rare ability, they try escaping the V tower but it ends up being the biggest mistake. This TV seems to be possessive and canonically a control freak like a lot of TV based characters (looking at you Mr. Puzzles) lol! I know you're a busy person with their own life in the end of the day so I won't be mad if you refuse to write this. I love the content you provide us with already <3
Sure! I wasn't sure if you wanted a concept or a one shot, so I just focused on rambling out my thoughts on it. It could work either way though so maybe I'll follow this up sometime.
Yandere! Vox with Darling immune to hypnosis
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Violence, Anger issues, Kidnapping/Post-Kidnapping, Stalking, Possessive behavior, Mentions of Val's smoke/Drugging, Forced relationship.
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It's hard to say who, at this time, has immunity to Vox's hypnotism.
It's currently only known to grab the attention of people who are... paying attention.
So, maybe you're oblivious or just never paying attention to his hypnotism.
Which in itself is incredibly frustrating to Vox.
However, another method is natural immunity.
I'm thinking maybe you're also an Overlord that has to, unfortunately, have meetings with The Vees due to a partnership.
Vox probably still outranks you, yet you're strong enough to resist his powers.
Another option is simply having a specific type of gear or tech you created that blocks his hypnotism.
Regardless... One way or another Vox can't use one of his most powerful tools on you...
Which naturally makes him pissy.
He can't do his usual subtle charms against you, carefully manipulating you into listening and being his.
Even when he captures you, you never seem to listen.
Normally it's easy for Vox to make other demons listen to him.
Unless they're Valentino or Alastor.
But now he has yet another demon who can just... ignore it.
He has so many fits when he tries to trick you into something, only for you to shut him down.
It's humbling and he hates it.
So, if Vox wants to keep you in the V Tower, he has to expect more resistance.
In fact, normally escape attempts would be amusing as he can just charm you again.
But now he can't do that.
I feel your immunity would stress Vox out at times.
Even if he manages to manipulate you into V Tower, keeping you there is difficult.
Vox is naturally charming, so you may agree with what he says at first.
Hell, maybe you two were dating before things went wrong or at the very least on friendly terms.
Then he goes crazy and locks you in your own personal room with high security and everything.
Vox was once drawn to (and frustrated with) you due to your immunity.
That was what got him obsessed in the first place before he started having all these... feelings.
Sinful feelings.
You're distracting, even more so when he can't charm you to give him attention.
So what better way to force your attention than manipulate you into the tower.
Maybe you were meant to be another V, but once you had enough of Vox and his obsessive behavior, you tried to leave.
Only for Vox to lock you away.
As he can't charm his way into making you listen, now he has to keep you by other means.
Such as cameras, screens, electronic locks, all sorts of security.
Fine... You may be able to bypass his hypnosis...
But he has other means to keep you his.
The issue he ends up finding though is a lack of affection.
He can't charm you into giving it to him.
You ignore him and no matter how hard he tries... You never pay attention.
Considering how Vox thrives on attention...
This is devastating and leaves him screaming in frustration.
One way I can see him forcing you to be more... attentive is using Val.
Vox would probably somehow get Val to give him some of his smoke/spit.
Disgusting and disturbing? Yes... but that's the point.
Vox seems like the type of person to control you in other ways, since he loves control.
If you tried to escape your high security prison, or withheld affection from Vox, you're essentially getting gassed/drugged.
He most likely would test it with just a bit.
Then afterwards, depending on his mood, would up the dosage.
(This makes my skin crawl-)
Of course, escape was never going to end well for you.
Vox will find some way to break you.
Be that showing you his security, using Val, or isolating you...
Vox is going to force your attention to make you rely on him.
There's no genuine love with him.
Only ownership.
Escaping is near impossible with his coworkers, employees, and security.
At some point, you'll break and only have him to greet you...
Leaving Vox to embrace you with eager arms, his claws digging into your skin once you're finally his.
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tanadrin · 2 days
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i was thinking about the issue of political deadlock the other day and what to do in a parliamentary system if a government is really unpopular, clearly has no legitimacy, but refuses to call early elections, and is clinging on til the end of its term. and of course there's no reason they have to; but if you did want a popular way to bypass this mechanism, you could do something like this:
every voter is issued a chit in the form of a pre-stamped postcard that just says "SNAP ELECTION" on it. possibly you get one at each general election--you vote, you hand in your ballot, they hand you a postcard; there are never more postcards in circulation than there are voters. and when you think it's time for a snap election to be called, you drop your postcard in the mail. when the election comission or whoever gets a certain number of postcards from voters, a snap election must be called. all postcards issued at the last election are now void (they probably should have a date stamped on them or something), and the counter starts over.
alternatively, you have a national bureau of public opinion that does lots of in-depth high-resource data collection about political opinions, like the BLS or something, and there's some specific criteria--like if public opinion of the government falls below a certain threshold and stays there for a prolonged period of time--that allows a special officer, the Tribune of Popular Discontent, to call snap elections. this is his only job. it is a non-partisan position, and he has very little discretion about how to use his power. he's just the guy outside of the official partisan government whose job it is to press the big red button marked "snap election" if the government can't stop pissing people off. and maybe there's a time limit to it, too, like every government gets a minimum of 18 months, or the threshold for calling a snap election in that interval is way higher.
another variation i just thought of on the postcard system: if you send in your postcard, you get to write in the name of one politician you really, really hate. if enough people name that politician, they are not eligible to be PM or to be in the cabinet at all. the threshold for this would be high--it would not be possible to ostracize more than one or two people per election this way--but if someone is just really hated by a sufficiently high fraction of the populace, they get to be relieved of the burden of seeing their face in the newspaper for a while. plus it would be really funny to see whose name got written in even if they didn't actually get ostracized.
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alphajocklover · 3 hours
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I really want a hot boyfriend. does instajock always make you straight or can I use it on a guy to make him more my type? (and maybe also make me more his type)
So, I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, one that I want to clear up. While I do my best to report on different transformation methods, I can’t include every detail about every one of them. My posts are relatively short and don’t always cover everything, because if I did it would take forever. The lack of details, plus some distracting pictures, leads to a lot of people getting details mixed up or getting confused. It’s happened before, and I think it’s what is happening here. I say this because as far as I can remember I have never mentioned anything about InstaJock turning someone straight.
InstaJock can change a person's sexuality, theoretically, through the settings and details section that I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is, it normally doesn’t. Instajock changes its users personality, their body, and their mind, but for some reason their sexuality will usually stay the same. They’ll become more openly sexual, and also often very flirtatious to fit their new jock persona, but their sexual identity doesn’t change. Even when their sexuality does change it usually turns them gay, not straight.  For some reason the app's already confusing setting page is set up so it's a lot easier to set your sexuality to gay then to straight. My best guess for why the app is set up that way is that the creator, or creators, are gay themselves and have a thing for jocks. I mean, you don’t make a seemingly impossible app that changes people into dumb jocks if you don’t have some sort of kink for it.. So, If you use the app on someone who's already gay you’ve probably got nothing to worry about. Chances are they’ll stay gay, unless they happen to have a huge conversion kink and are really good with computers. Anyways, now that we’ve cleared up that issue let's get into the specifics of your issue. 
Changing someone's personality and identity so that they’ll be your ideal boyfriend is… pretty questionable, if I’m being honest. But so is much of what happens in the world of transformations, so I’ll focus on the ‘how to’ rather than the morals. Your first problem is one I’ve brought up before: You can only give someone the app if you already have the app. Only an already transformed Jock can invite another person to InstaJock. You’d only be able to transform him,but only if you are changed yourself. I know you said you’d be with being changed, but once you become a jock figuring out the app will be much harder, so you might not end up his type, or he might not end up yours. I think your best bet would be to convince a jock to change both of you. InstaJock users can send out multiple invites at once, so it would be easy even for him. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a dumb mistake. He is a jock afterall.
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I do hope this works out for you. Not because I approve of what you’re doing, but because there are a lot of ways this could go wrong. One of you could have your sexuality changed when you get transformed, the jock who changes you both might make you brothers instead of boyfriends, or you and he could just not click. Just because someones your type doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you. Even if you and your target don’t end up together, I think you will have a much easier time getting a boyfriend after you use InstaJock. I hate to be shallow, but dating is usually easier when you have a 6 pack and huge pecs.
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general sonetto hcs not in any order;
• loves sweaters, but has a sensory problem with how they feel
• favorite animal is a dog but has a slight allergy
• continuing on with the dog thing, she has fleeting thoughts of adopting a carbuncle instead
• one of her ankles is fucked up
• has broken her nose at least twice
• doesn't like many of the higher ups in the foundation, even though many of them were her idols growing up
• she bruises really easily, hence why she wears pants instead bc she's self conscious about it
• first gay panic wasn't tooth fairy like vertin, but instead lilya and still gets kinda embarrassed when she sees her
• she has lots of freckles, but it isn't very visible bc of her lack of sun
• used to have a italian accent but forced herself to lose it to make her not stand out among the other kids (age maybe like,, 7-9?)
• envy's people like pavia and schneider bc of their close relationship with the italian culture that she lacks
• she has major abandonment issues and anxiety
• she picks at her arms and legs a lot, another reason she chooses to wear pants
• she's had braces on twice for like, a year in change. her first set she got around 10, and right when they got off she injured her teeth and moved them around so she needed them again
• very critical of her appearance
• thinks of sotheby as a little sister she never had, and wants her to not harden like vertin and her did
•has a stutter that she also trained to get rid of, but in moments of high anxiety it comes back
• a big fan of chocolates, but doesn't like normal candy's
• also, she doesn't like dr pepper, to regulus dismay
•gets carsick and seasick easily
• enjoys writing poetry, and try's really hard to write longer things, but she never has the time
• actually a very good artist but doesn't draw much
• she technically needs glasses but won't get them
• likes plants but often kills them on accident
• hates the way most hats and jeans feel
• her back got hurt really badly when she was a kid and it stills acts up sometimes
• gets severe burnout easily when not given break time between things
• enjoys oily foods, but doesn't like touching the oil
• in a modern setting she would religiously read yuri stuff but says she doesn't cause it's embarrassing to her
• has a much nicer room in the suitcase than others, and feels guilty about it even tho it wasn't her choice
• is more reading brained than math brained
• doesn't understand the younger kids but try's to
•wants to be taken seriously by some of the adults who have more maternal or paternal instincts (shamane, ms moissan, etc)
• always use the oxford comma but will sometimes forget to dot her i's
• has great reading comprehension but struggles with grammar sometimes
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annawayne · 2 days
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Odd question, though I'm willing to ask. Any words of encouragement for writing a story/fanfic? (Aiming for Aruani as of speaking this.) Were there moments you wrote something, then it got drafted to the side because it didn't feel right with where it was going anymore, losing ton of progress. How does one manage to like.. jump out of that loop and pick themselves back up? Is it best to just say "screw it" and write what you feel is best and not overfocus yourself on a little segment endlessly? I've read some of your work and it's really incredible, inspiring too! So, I just wanted to hear anything to help, if possible? Thank you for taking the time of your day to ask this, I hope I didn't come off bad in any way or jumbled my words up.
Hello anon!
First of all, thank you so much for this ask (and no, the question is not odd at all, everything is fine!), and thank you so much for your time reading my stories and for finding them even inspiring T^T I appreciate and cherish it so much, thank you!
As for your question, I would say there's one good and one bad news. It's the same thing - there's no ultimate way for writing. Good news, is because there's no "right" and no "wrong" ways, the only "right" way is the one that matches with you. The bad news - everyone should find it on our own, since we are all so different, and it's not easy at all.
But! I also think that it gives us a lot of freedom and creativity to experiment and to try new things. One of the best pieces of advice I definitely can tell everyone is - to forget all the books you want to write, not to write a "perfect " book, and all you need to do is just write that one book you're writing now. I think that one of the major problems for all of us is that we KNOW for a fact what's the good literature is, so when we write our own stories we always compare ourselves with the certain pieces of writing, forgetting in the process that we write OUR own story. Not the one that's already written and had such a huge impact on you. That's why, I think, all of us need to just distinguish where the book had an effect on us as inspiration to write OUR own book, and where we desperately want to write the same book - maybe, with another plot, twists and topics, but with trying to reach this level of impact. And this is where this trap hides, when we see something not as an inspiration to give our own story a life, but as something we want to make too, but the truth is, it's unreachable. Not because you're not capable, but simply because this story was written by another person who lives in another circumstances, and that's why your story will never be the same - because you're different person with different life with different experience and with different heart. And this is beautiful!
A lot of people would advise you to read to write better - and it also makes sense and, of course, I'm also in the same boat, however, we have to remind ourselves here that these books - are not ours. What we have - is much more valuable for us because it's our story we want to tell, and no one, expect us, can't do it better.
I think that it's another problem that may be the reason, sometimes, why we are stuck at some particular place without knowing how to move the plot and the story forward - without even realising, comparing our story with something that is already written and looks so mind-blowing.
We see these other stories already as perfect, forgetting one simple truth that every single word written by another writer - it's also a hard work they went through, and, most likely, they also struggled with the same issue as we do, looking at the books they admire and thinking, "Damn, I'll never write something as good as it is". But all we see is a wonderful text, that seems to us just incredible and perfect.
So, I just want to tell you, anon, that your story is already incredible because it's yours and nobody will write it better than you. We're all so different, and our stories - too - and this is the beauty in it, something that is impossible to replace and to imitate.
I guess, that once we can accept that our story won't be the same you admire and not because you're worse - no! Absolutely no! - but only because all the stories are written by humans, and every human - a whole universe, we'll all feel much better. And I think, that, foremost, it's the most important advice to start with, since it leads to everything else.
I hope it was some kind of help!
(And apologies if it didn't... If you wanted some practical advice - please let me know, I'll try my best too if I'm competent enough for it; I just focused primarily on encouragement, so I hope it was some kind of help T//T)
Thank you one more time for asking and for your words about me stories, and remember that your story - is impossible to compare because every story is a living being, and all of us are different, and this is our power and beauty (⁠。⁠・⁠ω⁠・⁠。⁠)⁠ノ⁠♡
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I feel insane for thinking Nim//ona wasn't that good asdfasfd
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chiimeramanticore · 6 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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stillfruit · 5 days
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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.
#i dont understand why he everytime has not wanted to actually tell me how he feels for me#like... ???#idk...#i feel like even as a friend if i told him abt my romantic feelings#isnt it only right to say that yes i like u too or no i dont like u that way#bc it really bothers me that he just wont talk abt it#he just wont tell me how he feels#he just says i mean a lot to him#but i need to know more and i've wanted to know that for so long#like i've told him that i love him and want to be with him and want to work thru issues together#whh cant he just tell me how he feels#why cant he just say that no i dont want u romantically anymore but i did at one point#or no i only thought of u as a potential option#like idc what it is i just want him to tell me so i can fkn know how to deal with it#but it tortures me that i have no fkn idea#and when i read back old messages#i get so confused i dont know what he means or thinks or feels#he's told me that im the 2nd closest to his heart but then when i told him i was in love he said that he couldnt make me feel seen the way#i'd need to at that time but then i wait and give him space and then he suddenly has another gf without even thinking to tell me!#idk sometimes im like yeah maybe he cares abt me thats true#but it feels like he doesnt even respect me enough to talk to me? i told him i was scared everyday for weeks after his first gf#and that i checked everyday in fear that he'd have a gf again and not tell me#and then he went and did that again... like i just dont fkn know#i dont know where tf i stand with him#and i've tried asking him but then he said that he feels close to a panic attack so i back off#and then he has a gf out of nowhere#and then i cant ask bc every single fkn time i ask him to talk abt smth#he just says he cant deal with it right now but 'now' never comes and he never talks abt anything w me#but with someone else he can be in a relationship with#the more i think the more i realize that this isnt what i want
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neonphoenix · 3 months
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Hate the number of people I know who just want to leave the US because of xyz political issues that don't exist in the imaginary other country they hope to move to. Not One of these people ever puts in the leg work to make the world around them better (at least one isn't even registered to vote) and it is literally the height of privilege to think you can just go live somewhere else where someone else has made everything work without doing anything to participate in your community first.
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designernishiki · 1 year
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I feel like whatever was going on with majima/mirei/katsuya in the early 90s was some sort of complicated bisexual love triangle situation. like majima is majima and katsuya’s handsome and eloquent and absolutely doesn’t seem straight to me, but on top of that it feels like there was some sort of confusing tension between katsuya and mirei, not sure if it was romantic or one-sided or what but. SOMETHING. I don’t know what the hell was going on with those three really but no way in hell do I believe the romantic/sexual/??? depth ends with majima and mirei
#katsuya is HANDSOME and CHARMING and ELOQUENT. I just KNOW at least one of them was into him. probably both#one way I’m imagining it could’ve went is like#katsuya introduces majima and mirei to one another and mirei crushes on him pretty quick (because she is 19 and quick to do so)#majima doesn’t really particularly have an interest in her- not cause she’s unattractive or anything probably mostly because she’s almost a#because she’s almost a decade younger than him and barely legal. but at some point she confides in katsuya about her feelings for him and#katsuya being the sweet and honorable kinda dude he is acts as a wingman and tries to get majima to go out with her#and eventually majima relents because he doesn’t want to end up admitting to katsuya that he actually had a thing for KATSUYA#and by playing wingman for his good friend mirei majima takes it as him being uninterested and thus doesn’t shoot his shot and yeah#katsuya’s hard to say no to and hey I mean maybe mirei- a civilian- will make his life more capable of Normalcy#she’s conventionally attractive and is a decent enough friend- albeit he didn’t really know what she was like as a person before she was#crushing on him and also. again. she’s 19 and an idol. so inevitably her identity in general is NOT solid yet#almost as if rebounding off a relationship he never even Got- things move insanely quickly with mirei and they’re married in less than a#year. the whole time katsuya is there cheering them on- he’s smart and I think he’d see the red flags when it comes to their ages and#maturity at least but I think that’d become more apparent over time and he’d start to have regrets but#it’s way too late for that. especially when she comes to him bawling her eyes out because she’s found out she’s pregnant and she has no#idea what to do. both for her career and because she’s literally barely an adult she doesn’t want a child at that point but obviously she#knows she’ll feel guilty and- more than that- deep shame for terminating. she’s insightful even at that age and also maybe can read majima#well enough to know that he might take her abortion as a sign for him to book it to no longer cause her anymore issues. katsuya reassures#her cause what else is he gonna do. but of course she’s right and his commitment issues kick in big time and yeah. over the years katsuya’s#the in-between still close with both of them. specifically he’s closer with mirei and they trust one another a lot more than majima with#either of them- just because majima’s Like That and his trust issues create distance easily. nonetheless at some point majima asks him if#he’s been single for so long because he was hung up on mirei and apologizes if he got in the way of them and that leads into some really#long overdue admissions and likely hooking up. but of course majima is STILL majima and again kinda books it because feelings are#inconvenient and their time for something like a relationship has passed (or something like that).#mirei often wonders if things would’ve been better if she’d have ended up with katsuya instead but similar to majima she’s career-focused#now and just wants to value him as a friend regardless of any lingering potential feelings. majima ends up falling hard for kiryu#sooner than later and life just moves on from any romanticism beteeen the three of them- a nostalgic closeness lingers instead#rambling#that was. a lot.
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soulsolid-a · 2 years
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slaps brook’s empty skull, this clown can fit So many insecurities in him--
#[ ooc. ] ─ ♪ 《 from tomorrow to the future 》#[ partial lie bc there are things in brooks skull#[ but also keeps thinkin ab those posts analyzing brook n going 'this man still doesnt truly feel a part of the crew'#[ and i think ab  it a lot bc like man rly did just#[ thriller bark      like. maybe 1 week afterwards      2 years#[ and after timeskip they can't freakin. stay together for more than a few panels apparently---#[ but just. that paired with him being 90 paired with him being Literally from another time and just. 50 years of trauma/isolation#[ that never got unpacked (because becoming a superstar's a healthy coping mechanism right--)#[ just... i think he still has trouble seeing himself as part of the crew#[ does he doubt luffy's word? absolutely not#[ but he constantly feels like he should be doing more/better/he isnt enough/etc etc#[ and like. hes absolutely alright with not being the strongest or the best!! he knows the other crew have strength in those fields#[ and he respects/admires/understands#[ but just. constantly feeling like he should be /more/ regardless... in someway...#[ one day going to do post ab him during timeskip bc i have more thoughts on that but just#[ this man May have issues#[ its also the he doesnt know what its like to be with others bc he's been alone for so long but he's trying god how he's trying#[ hes trying and he knows he is and he can only hope its enough#[ man!!! need to get back to iconing... stopped right b4 wci and need to see brook in that again bc his scene w/ big mom...#[ just man#[ thinks ab him
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boyfrillish · 2 years
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I slept maybe 5 hours last night and because I’m still thinking about the kinds of scenes I wish the game had in the last couple of encounters with Hop, I may have to drabble something to get that bug out of my brain 😅😹 I don’t have the current confidence levels for anything like meta/analysis/etc, I don’t know if I can draw it because I’m so rusty, but silly fluff (soft angst resp. hurt/comfort flavour)? That’s failure-safe, brainfog/ability for words permitting...
No idea if or where or how I’d share but writing for me first still counts
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tkbrokkoli · 2 months
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:O
#aaaaaaaahhh i missed sm on tumblr i just quickly checked some blogs and it made me sad and happy at the same time#but i rly gotta focus on studying for my exams ugh. even tho i was away on the weekend w some of my friends lol. it was so fun#i haven't had sleepovers w friends since i went to highschool which is over a decade ago#it was so good and fun even tho i didn't get a lot of sleep. but i caught up on sleep on the days since and yesterday and today ive been#feeling p energized c: today i. registered? or maybe declared is a more fitting word. that i wanna change my name and gender marker#and now i have to wait until the end of the year to actually change them. but it's in motion!#i also made an appointment for a chest ultrasound so now i just need a psychiatrist to be able to get top surgery w the surgeon i picked#i recently had a job interview for a student job as a mentor! it won't pay a lot but a bit money is more than nothing#and i enjoy being a mentor so i hope ill get the job. haven't heard back yet#also i found out that all the fellow students that i have become friends w are queer. i am friends w almost all my fellow students that#are queer except w one person. it's funny bc when we all started becoming friends we didn't know that the others were queer.#well i outed myself in front of professors and the class multiple times bc I didn't pass back then so it was obvious that im queer#but i didn't know abt the others. we all just gravitated to each other which is nice. one of them isn't even out to family or friends#at home and another one told me I'm the first person they've come out to so i feel p honored that we can be open and ourselves w each other#we watched so many queer movies and shows on the weekend i loved it#i never would've thought i'd come this far. look at me being mostly mental-illness-free medically transitioning and having a social life#being more comfortable w myself than ever#now i just gotta get a nice degree and a well paying fun job (i've had a shitty fun job before) and tackle all those medical issues i have#like exhaustion. but one step at at a time. i truly feel so good rn!! :D hope you guys are doing good as well#personal log stardate
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ame-to-ame · 2 months
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Ackk
#time to admit that other than being lazy and out of shape and trauma another reason i don't work out is bc i Do Not want to be hot#bc i was trained under a tiger mom i went through a lot of. sports as a kid. and it's kinda the only thing keeping my body still in shape#but it also gave me a lot of problems and pain and we don't talk abt that that's not the point. the point is that i have. a base there.#whenever i lose weight whenever i slim down whenever im not as flabby the muscle tone comes out the abs start to look like abs#and aside from how im scared of muscles and etc. i do not want to have that muscular twink build.#like i think back and arm muscles can look good and hot and. i have the ability to have that build. but i really. ack.#seeing how i look in a cropped sleeveless thing. i. ack. ack. ack. yes i like how it looks but only through a screen#yes objectively i look hot yes smash but the thought of that actually being my body makes me feel a bit sick to the stomach!!#i do not know whether it's my dysphoria or my inherent fear of. associations of physical violence. and it's so silly. it's just a build.#it's just having a little bit of muscle tone I don't even have much it's mostly bc ive lost so much weight. but idk i just. i feel sick.#im scared of men im scared of being underneath someone bigger than me im scared of not being able to escape when someone is on top of me#bc it's really scary. you can spar a red belt and manage to hold your ground but the moment someone is on top of you you're stuck.#I've felt the fear and genuine terror of not being able to get someone off me. and idk. it's going to take a long while to get over it#but yeah! body image issues!!! i don't like how i look when i gain weight i don't like how i look when i lose weight#i think i just need to take down every single mirror there is in the bathroom i do not want to perceive myself.#maybe the plan is just to get. so hot im more distracted from my dysphoria lmao if i can dissociate from how i look#bc im still a losercore at heart im still the little kid ppl would ask out as a joke im not supposed to look hot in the mirror#having ppl regard me as attractive is so weird bc im not used to it i never was the person ppl crushed on in middle school due to the racism#so sometimes when i see myself idk i feel like im seeing videos or pics of some other. person. who belongs somewhere else. not here. not me.#but that's enough for body image issues today lmao we get it u don't recognize yourself in the mirror but at least in the mirror u look hot
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moonwish · 4 months
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turbulent events have happened tonight
#celebrated international children's day with my high school english teacher#yes we have been friends for almost 10 years. since i was in 9th grade#yes he is 19 years older than me#talked about the old friend group which consisted about like three of us high school girls and a bunch of college guys who were all at least#4 or 5 years older than us. yes every guy crushed on the same girl at one point. i was in a relationship with the oldest of them#one of them who was tangentially in the group now has psychiatric problems. i don't know the specifics. he was to get married to this random#ass girl who got pregnant at 22/23 by another guy#idk who exactly but suffice to say they are not together anymore#we discussed my cancer situation. my ex (who apparently will love me forever) was crying a lot about it and seemed shaken up#even at their little guys christmas reunion last year#he texted me in december saying a part of me lives and will always live inside of him and that he loves me no matter what#i was honestly at a complete loss for words because we broke up 5 years ago. we literally had no future together#one of the other guys apparently said back in december that it was no use texting me encouraging words because we had drifted apart#that is the same guy i crushed on for 6 years. i still wished him a happy birthday in april tho.#it's okay because my crush on him vanished as soon as i realized he's a little piece of shit human. still likeable tho#and that is the issue. anyway. maybe i shouldn't have said piece of shit he's more like an annoying asshole which you still find endearing#talking to him now makes me realize he was never all that. high school me just thought he did really interesting things (which admittedly#were very interesting for that time and for our little town)#about my ex tho#even though i have no feelings for him anymore i think it's really beautiful that what we had is staying with him like that. i hope#it doesn't stop him from having a healthy and loving relationship in the future#i know he had multiple relationships after me but none of them really worked out. i really hope he finds that happiness#the way that i have
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