#I have a lot of respect for indie authors cause that shit is hard but Sturgeon's Law is real

[cursed-tale]

Really wish authors would realize that their social media “brand” doesn’t have to be them shilling their novels in every post they make.

[halfusek]

Since the new Chris Portal documentary showed the true and nasty side of KB/Mike and TheMeatly, are you still gonna Say "we don't know the full story"?. We as a fanbase were treated as shitty as the employees they fired and abused, they don't deserve respect anymore.

uh i dont know where you've been but that video hasn't uncovered much new to me aside from some details from the two interviews near the end of the vid but like all of that stuff has already been known, it is just the first instance of someone compiling it into a coherent video (like the stupid games for kids said by mike we already knew in 2019 which i would not exactly say is the same as experiencing work abuse lol)

and idk why you're being so hostile at me, i've never been one to defend mike nor meatly but tried to find and share as much of the information as i could find about their wrongdoings, like dude i was fucking there pointing out that a lot of employees dont have "kindlybeast employee" in their twitter bios which then got screenshot and that post went on reddit where actual ex employees started sharing stuff (which freaked me out cuz i didnt want to have my "face" on the post dedicated to that) so like maybe turn that down a little

i feel like there's a lot of people new to some things unraveling in this controversy but as for me i've already made up my mind what i think of it, so i'm not so up in arms to scream about things that we already screamed about 2-3 years ago and that might make people think that i don't care or wanna brush it off which is not true

kindly beast / joey drew studios inc / mike and meatly deserve all the criticism aimed towards them, and on the day it was known about the lawsuit i laughed that karma finally got to them because i had thoughts "for all the shit they did to people, they deserve to fail and lose everything, to start over"

but i also think this is an opportunity for them to improve, learn and do better, sooooo i'm just kind of waiting for the next thing to happen i guess

in case they don't improve, welp, they can honestly fuck off

death of the author, whatever, it is anyone's personal call if they wanna keep on supporting some creators or not, and well as for me i think there's so much more and worse stuff that we (we as... gaming community... fandoms...?) tolerate that this seems just... small in comparison. i'm NOT saying it's not a big deal, it has me wishing lowkey that i just wasn't into batim lmao so i could just go. like for example i'm much more disgusted at sc/ott caw/thons wrongdoings cause they actually influence politics so i'm actively trying to keep myself away from engaging with fnaf or that one pirate gay show that i was like holy shit a cool gay couple but then read some yikes things about a character being based on actual real life guy who was a slave owner and that just had me nope out. i guess what i'm saying is i try not to support problematic things but if i were to suport only those purely unproblematic thatd kinda leave me with nothing idk society capitalism something something so you know i just try to weigh if something is actively harmful to people or if there is something that happened that i absolutely cannot forgive and based on that i get into something or not

does that make me a hypocrite? maybe but if i focus on boycotting what matters in the grand scheme of things and indulge a little in indie game fandom that's rapidly losing popularity i think i can personally live with that

sorry for going off about this, truth be told there's a lot of things happening in the world right now that put me in a very doomer mode lmao i mean we all see whats happening, shits pretty fucked and it was hard for me to even spare some focus on this, its really not good to get so desensitized so i also apologize for the harsh tone but yeah

anyways, i agree that we should make them feel like they need to apologize and do better, meatly still havent said a word publicly about anything that has happened and that fucking sucks

i still do not like harassing them over releasing batdr, thats part of crunch culture and all that jazz and i think we shouldnt lower the standards for that for anyone because [insert that image of you doing something bad to someone you dislike but it deflecting into someone you like]

but we should keep them on their toes and not let them think that we will just forget and let them get away with it because wow they've been massive assholes

[sailorsero]

you know i’m stupid for you 1/?

author: claire (@sailorsero​) ship: adult kaminari denki x reader prompt/genre: band/musician!au/poppunk!denki wordcount: 1483 warnings: swearing (for the moment, this is all) a/n: • written for the BNHarem Making Beautiful Music Collaboration - check out the masterlist to see everyone elses!) • thank you to @unbreakablekiribaku​ for the header!  • i do not give permission for this (or any of my writing) to be reposted, by anyone, on this or any other website. please don’t do it! • title from ‘stupid for you’ by waterparks

you know i’m stupid for you part one

***

RIOT! PRESENTS: DYNAMIGHT - A ROTATING HEADLINE TOUR Combining forces for the second annual Riot! Radio/Magazine empire tour are punk pop staples Chargebolt, indie rockers Plus Ultra! and newcomers Rolling Thunder, fresh off the release of their debut album, ‘Revelry in the Dark’. The tour format of a different running order each night, the mix of genres and an abundance of talent promises a sick show you won’t want to miss! The tour starts tomorrow night in Fukuoka, ending in Sapporo at the end of the month. Tickets | Details

Day 1: Fukuoka

***

The past 24 hours had been hectic and overwhelming; the last minute preparations, the packing, the 17 FaceTime calls Mina insisted were necessary for packing, the flight to Fukuoka, the hotel, meeting the approximately 3674 people involved in the tour (okay, really approximately), the soundchecks, the press, making sure Todoroki didn’t get lost (again). It could have been enough to have you considering your plan B vocation of Professional Kitten Cuddler (you’d seen a Buzzfeed article once), if it wasn’t for this feeling, right here and now.

The house lights had dimmed away to almost nothing, causing the steady thrum of chatter from the crowd to surge into a roar of anticipation that matched your own perfectly; waiting sidestage in the dark knowing you were on the precipice of doing what you loved most always made you feel electric.

You’d followed Shinsou onto the stage as the eyewateringly bright lights hit, securing the strap of your bass before looking without seeing out at where you knew the crowd was. You were really here, on this stage, with your best friends, on the biggest tour you’d done so far as a band. You let yourself bask in the joy that brought for a moment longer, before turning towards your bandmates, tilting your head in silent question. Quick nods from Tokoyami and Shinsou and a peace sign from Mina were all you needed before you turned to Todoroki to count in. Everything after that was the most beautiful white noise.

***

8 songs flew by quicker than you could ever remember, Shinsou’s synths fading out as Mina yelled into the mic like she was going for Present Mic’s radio slot.

“Our record is available from the merch table and we are on all relevant social media - @ rollingthunder! Our TikToks are epic! We have been Rolling Thunder, you have been fucking beautiful - goodnight!!!”

“‘Our TikToks are epic’?!” Shinsou rounded on the lead singer as soon as you were all sidestage again.

Mina put her hands on her hips, giving off the energy of an elementary school teacher who had to do this a lot. “They are epic! It’s not my fault you never want to be in them!”

“Maybe that’s why they’re epic?” Todoroki deadpanned, removing the sweat-soaked towel from around his neck.

The snort you gave out at the impossible-to-tell-if-it-was-intended-as-an-insult-or-not-because-it’s-Todoroki insult died off early as you caught sight of him.

Fuck. He’d actually gotten hotter overnight.

Kaminari made a beeline straight for you from the door that lead to the backstage area, 100 watt smile firmly in place. “Hey, you. Great set out there! Totally dope!”

“You were watching?” You were too caught off guard to school your tone into anything less giddy, and you knew you’d be hearing about it until you could hide in your bunk on the tourbus. Maybe not even then if your bandmates didn’t respect the sanctity of the curtain.

“Yeah, of course! We were up on the balcony, in the private bit? You know?” You assumed Sero and Kirishima formed the ‘we’ he was talking about, as they appeared one after another through the same door, grinning widely.

“Yeah, totally, I remember they said there was somewhere to watch the other sets from...cool!”

A part of you died inside as you heard yourself reply and you wondered briefly if there was any chance your whole band wasn’t watching this interaction. Hearing ‘cool!!!’ mimicked in four wildly different attempts at your voice shut that down.

There was no way Kaminari hadn’t heard all four impressions, but he was nice enough to pretend he hadn’t.

“Yeah! So, uh...you could totally watch our set, now! If, you know, you want...” He trailed off, looking hesitantly hopeful and fiddling with one of his many, many earrings.

His golden eyes had been staring into yours for the whole of your conversation so far and you found yourself getting lost in his gaze, all of the noise of the crowd buzzing and the crew swapping the setup over becoming distant to your ears.

Until his bassist slapped him on his back - hard - shit-eating grin all over his face.

“Smooth like silk, Denks!”

“Shut up, Sero!” Kaminari whined, breaking eye contact with you to shove at his bandmate’s arm. 

No one said anything for what felt like the longest seven seconds in history. Kirishima cleared his throat politely and smiled encouragingly, but seemed to run out of ideas after that.

“We’ll watch you guys! But only if you tell us how awesome we were!” Mina’s arm slid seamlessly to link with yours as you remembered how much you loved this pink-haired angel. She was a socialising expert and had rescued you all right before the silence had slid past the point of no return into Awkwardsville.

Kaminari seemed to share your sentiment, as it wasn’t with only a little relief he began to shower the rest of your band with praise. It was only when he’d rambled his way to complimenting the way Tokoyami held his guitar that Shinsou decided it was his turn to steer the conversation. “Don’t you have a drummer? Did he not want to watch our set?”

“Nah, he said he ‘didn’t wanna watch a bunch of electro emos with stupid hair sing about going to Hot Topic or what-the-fuck-whatever’,” Sero cheerfully announced, ignoring the choking sound the apparently-direct quote forced out of the blonde you couldn’t take your eyes off of.

“Wow. He’s charming.” Shinsou replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“He is, isn’t he?” Kirishima sighed, sounding like he’d have actual stars in his eyes if you could bring yoursef to stop looking at Kaminari and check. Which you Absolutely Could Not.

You’d met Kaminari at 1 this afternoon, and he’d been pretty much all you’d thought about since 1:01.

***

“Okay, so, Chargebolt - Eijirou Kirishima, Hanta Sero, Katsuki Bakugou, Denki Kaminari. Plus Ultra! - Izu...”

You were pretty sure one of the tour managers was still speaking, introducing the other band you were sharing this tour with, but you couldn’t focus on anything else. Kaminari. Denki. Denki Kaminari.

The ear you could see was adorned with multiple piercings, and the one you couldn’t was covered with a sweep of blonde hair with a black lightening bolt dyed into it. Golden eyes, pink lips. Not particularly tall, or jacked, but lean and muscled where you could see. A black Fatgum Records T-shirt over a black and white striped longsleeve, tucked into ripped jeans that fell into laced up boots. Were those fingers tattoos? It was definitely yellow nail polish and a multitude of silver rings. Talk about ‘exactly my type on paper’. Fuck!

You wondered for a second who exactly it was who had given this man the right. Then you realised he was moving - towards you.

“Hey! Y/N Y/L/N, right? I heard you guys on Present Mic’s show, the Live Lounge? That was incredible!”

Had your mouth been wide open the entire time he was talking? You really couldn’t be sure either way.

“Hey! Yeah, that’s uh...me! Thanks, I was really nervous but he was so cool.”

Kaminari nodded enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Present Mic? Yeah, what a legend! We haven’t been on for a hot minute but we’ll probably go back next album cycle.”

You were pretty sure you were supposed to be making introductions to everyone in the room right now, but before you knew it, it had been fifteen minutes and the only person you’d spoken to was Kaminari. A way-too-stressed-for-the-first-day-of-tour looking woman was trying to politely usher Kaminari away to wherever Chargebolt’s schedule had them being right now, but he hesitated after he said a (hopefully) reluctant goodbye.

“Yeah, so...it’s so cool to be working with you! And, y’know, that work is...touring together, so we could like...hang out! Yeah? If you want?”

You ignored your own manager materialising at your side tapping her watch for a moment longer to nod quickly and breathe out a response.

“Yeah, we could, I want.”

Kaminari’s face broke out into a smile as big as the gag Shinsou was doing behind him. “Yeah. Yeah! Great! See you later!”

You’d pretended not to watch them leave the room.

The rest of your band had been only too happy to inform you that you’d failed to pull it off.

***

i have decided to make this a multi-chapter fic and will post/link a masterlist and link to ao3 when i post there so you can follow this story if you would like to!

ao3  • collab masterlist

[malakia215]

Think fast! What's your favourite mythical figure/ deity / beast and why? (Syu wanna learn more mythology)

Which mythology????

Did I expect this to take me two+ hours to type up? No. But you asked for this.

Egyptian it has to be Ma'at. Ma'at is the goddess that uses her feather to balance an individuals heart on Anubis's scales when they are in the after life. She is a goddess of balance in the universe. Idk I have just always been attracted to her as a goddess that I enjoy. In Greek mythology, there is the tale of Persephone and Hades. An oldie but a classic. Also if you like so good 2D platforming there is this game I LOVE. An indie game called Apotheon. It deals with a lot of Greek mythology in a fun game. But also there is just so many tales that it is hard to choose. In Roman mythology, I really enjoy the Romulus and Remus tale. Again, pretty classic but it is interesting that the founding of Rome was established based on twins that were raised by a shewolf (and also a little sad because one twin killed the other). Also, if you are interested in tales/stories the Metamorphoses and the tales of Julius Caesar are very good. Going further North, we have even more tales: This one isn't mythological or anything but there was historically a Celtic queen that united the Celtic people and revolted against the Roman invasion. Boudica! The Romans HATED her because she was a thorn in their sides and I RESPECT her for it as well as her leadership skills. Celtic also ties very closely with Irish mythology and there is a tale of Cú Chulainn. I learned about him from MiracleofSound video. If you want some good folk metal and to learn his tale I would def check it out! Celtic, Scottish, and Irish mythology deals heavily with Nature so there isn't a specific sort of tale I could give you. (that and I haven't looked much into it as I was more interested in the history and culture of the people). Also, there are many tales of creatures and the like that are region-based so there are just soooo many. I did do a KakaIru fic featuring two of the legends but haven't explored more. Norse mythology is pretty much the same with my knowledge though I do know some stuff thanks to the likes of God of War 4 and (loosely) Marvel movies. You have the Valkeries that ride into battle to carry those humans that gotten a spot in Vahalla (cause who doesn't love that?). But again, this is just one of those pantheons that there are so many good tales it is hard to choose from. If you move further to Asia, there are a lot of tales. Mostly the stuff I have looked up revolves around death, like the pocong- a ghost in a shroud whose origins are from Indonesia. If you would like some spooky tales (both supernatural and otherwise) I would suggest checking out Lazy Masquerade . Also, yokai are very fascinating. Cause Yokai aren't technically monsters in the typical sense of Western Standards. But if you want to learn more about them, I usually go to this nifty website. Moving over to North America there are Aztec legends. I don't know much about them either except for what I know from the MOBA game Smite. Quetzalcoatl is one of my favs that I have learned about but there are many more Aztec gods/goddesses. There is also the tale of the founding of one of their major cities: "The Aztecs claimed that an idol of Huitzilopochtli had led them south during their long migration and told them to build their capital on the site where an eagle was seen eating a snake. The cult of Huitzilopochtli was especially strong in Tenochtitlán, which regarded him as the city's founding god." 1 2

This is also where the Mexico Coat of Arms comes from.

Moving up, there are Native American legends. Once again, the legends I know of are really spooky stuff. For some good tales, you can listen to Mr. Sinister. He does tales about Skin Walkers and Wendigos. But there are also beautiful tales such as Where the Two Came to Their Father. It is a tale of the Navaho People and used during War Ceremonies. I am not well versed on it fully but the story was told to an author to ensure that the legend would live on as (sadly) it wasn't passed down often. This leads into a WHOLE bunch of shit which isn't the focus of your question. That can be a totally different topic of cultural annihilation through the destruction of folklore.

And then moving FURTHER up there are tales from the Inuit people. This isn't something I am well versed in and I won't pretend I am. But it should be mention because it is the focus of some games like Never Alone (which I still need to play). I'm sorry I can't give you more but I am sure there are some wonderful tales for you to explore if you desire. Then there are tales that I have learned off hand. Such the Finnish tale of how the Aurora Borealis came to be. I learned it thanks to this video that was inspired by the tale.

And then if you want to learn about some spooky stuff all over the world you can do a check of this playlist. Has a lot of spooky urban legends for you to explore in a quick top 10 format.

This list doesn't include many different cultures. There aren't any from African countries or Australia or India or Middle Eastern countries or A WHOLE BUNCH OF AREAS. fikfnafjvnjafndvasdnf SO. Did not expect this to be so long but I hope you found some answers and something to explore :D

[jaimistoryteller]

Tired Jaimi is Tired

1/15/19 Post

Hiya All

It’s been a long few weeks. So far 2020 is starting off as a mixed bag of a mess. 

Good news: inching ever closer to the goal to get the store! Tomorrow I will know if I got a loan, if so, it’ll put me simply 300 short of my goal. That’d be awesome, particularly if I can get lucky enough to get another loan or donations to cover that. I’d love to be able to call the realtor and say “I have the money as requested, when can we set up our meeting!” 

Bad news: my grandmother died, now my mom is trying to find a way to go to her funeral. Technically my aunt is, but it’s still a tight call. 

Ways to Help: links and info for donations

Cosmos Market GoFundMe

My GoFundMe

Paypal:  cosmosbusinessventures@gmail.com

Ko-Fi

venmo @ JaimiST

Cash app $jaimist

Why Cosmos Market is Important to Me: beneath the cut as it is sort of long, discusses different forms of abuse, medical information, and random details. 

In 2008 ma had a stroke, that left her with right side weakness and living in constant pain, along with a few other health issues. 

Eight months later in 2009 I was in a car accident that crushed my right ankle. After surgery to correct the problems caused, I tried going back to work. It wasn’t the best option, but I did it because I didn’t want to risk losing my job. The end result? I probably went back to work too soon, or perhaps I never should have, as my pain levels never slowed down or decreased as the surgeon said they would. Instead they got progressively worse. 

Eventually I lost that job. I spent a year doing some commissions and on unemployment before getting a new job. One that began what I call Hell Year 2013. I ended up in the hospital 13 times in 11 months. Including two different surgeries. Fun, huh?

That job I quit due to the boss I had at the time not respecting the fact I make sure ma gets to and from doctors, and my own medical issues. 

I applied for disability a month later, that was at the beginning of 2014. I have been fighting for it since, which is a complete mess. Anyone who says disability is super easy to get either got it in the 1980s or doesn’t know jack shit. 

Since then, I have done commissions, taken care of ma, and completed random errands here and there for income. Now I have added book sales to it as well. Sometimes it is enough, other times not as much. 

Ma’s husband, who I will call abled from here on out, likes to make snide comments about how her and I are lazy because we are in pain and have days we can’t walk. Some of his other remarks have been about how ma shouldn’t have survived the stroke, how I’m a failure, how both ma and I are regrets, just to name some of the emotional and verbal abuse we have dealt with from him. 

On my legal day 2018 ma nearly died. She was non-responsive, having a hard time breathing, and showing all the signs of pre-seizures. I wanted her to go to the hospital, abled disagreed. I pulled rank, so to speak, by invoking my ability as her Power of Attorney and giving the choice he could help me get her ready to go and to the car or I could call an ambulance. 

He chose to help, while being pissed about it.

She was in such bad shape they took her to trauma to stabilize and then to ICU. According to the doctors and nurses, she would have died had I not forced the issue. One thought she could have died within a few hours, another by morning. 

When she got out she was put on O2 and the nurse was coming in to set it up. Abled threatened to move out if the nurse came in the house. He didn’t take it well when I told him where the door was. That would be the first of the new abuse. 

Every time something happens he doesn’t like regarding ma’s medical, abled does one of three things: threatens either of us with physical violence (who depends on which is standing up to him), is verbally and emotionally abusive, or threatens to leave and make sure ma ends up homeless. 

Some of the new verbal and emotional abuse includes: criticizing and shaming ma for using the walker she needs. Trying to keep ma from using her O2 because the machine is “annoying”. Making snide comments about how she should just go to a nursing home since she’s worthless. Threatening to withhold medication because he doesn’t think she really needs it. Not making sure that she has enough heat to stay healthy and in minimum pain.

He’s also started having at least one affair. 

Then there is abled’s abuse to me which includes refusing to pay me for any assistance I give, which is a large part of how I pay my bills. Intentionally misgendering me and being rude because he doesn’t “agree” with the fact I’m queer. He’s snide and cruel about Winston (my service pup for those who don’t know) Calling me lazy, useless, worthless, and a leech to name some of it. 

How does all of this relate to Cosmos Market? 

By opening Cosmos Market, I will creating a stable income for me, one that doesn’t depend on abled. I’m not physically able to work the store alone, and my sister is in a job that keeps threatening to fire everyone simply because the new boss isn’t a good person. She’ll be doing the majority of the work, but I will be working at least one day a week to do paperwork, orders, and making sure everything is in order. That will be just enough to pay my base bills and make sure I can get ma’s meds whether I get my disability or not (court is Feb 20th, here’s me hoping it works out so I won’t be surviving on the bare minimum).

that bare minimum would allow us to get rid of him. Yes, we’ll struggle, but it’d be better to struggle and be safe, then to have someone who is abusive around. 

I’m an indie author, I know a lot of other indie authors due to a variety of writing groups, and it is my goal to carry books by indie authors at the store. So not only will Cosmos Market give my sister a full time (and stable) job; me the bare minimum to survive, even if not thrive; it will also give indie authors a place to sell there books. 

There’s probably more I could say, but that covers the important parts. 

[tooshytobeabooktuber]

Song of the Dryad by Natalia Leigh Book Chat *Spoilers*

This year I have been trying really hard to expand my horizons as a reader. So, I’ve been seeking out books that aren’t widely discussed on book blogs and book tube. I have also been trying to read more books that are self published because I think it is really important to support indie authors, as an aspiring writer myself. 

Well guys, if you’re looking for a new indie author to support I have just the one. Anyone mildly familiar with the author community on Youtube has probably come across one of Natalia Leigh’s videos. As I begun my deep dive to find indie authors she was one of the first ones I stumbled across. So, I bought her book. And I have A LOT of thoughts. 

Overview- 

Song of the Dryad is a contemporary young adult fantasy novel set in a fictional Colorado town. The protagonist, Charlotte Barclay, lives a typical life with her family. That is until one day her mother is kidnapped by fairies (that’s right you heard me) and she is whisked into their world and sent on an adventurous quest to get her mother back and restore magic to the fae. I gave this book four stars, I really really loved it. However, I will explain later why this didn’t quite make it to five stars in my opinion. 

Writing- 

One thing Natalia Leigh did excellently was establishing and maintaining the atmosphere. The perpetual fall setting gave the book a very cozy and quaint vibe that I LOVED. The prose were cohesive and relatively clean throughout the whole thing. I could tell that this was really well edited. However, one *teensy* criticism, there was a lot of pointless exposition in the very beginning that felt a little tedious. I understand that the story had to be set up correctly or the reader would have been totally lost, but it felt like Leigh did the majority of the heavy lifting and didn’t let the reader infer or come to understand anything about the characters. Other than that, there were several moments when figurative language and imagery were done really nicely (and I CAN’T STAND dumb figurative language so kudos to her). Overall, it read fairly easy and had few pacing errors. 

Plot-

Okay, this is where I think the story lacked the most. The plot had a very small scope, which isn’t necessarily an issue, but I felt like there were some moments when things just didn’t quite add up. For example (SPOILERS AHEAD) shortly after Charlotte’s mom disappeared the news was broadcasted on television to the entire town. Her best friend, Melanie, found out about it from seeing it on the news. This caused one of the major conflicts for the contemporary plot and I thought it was a little dumb. Your best friend’s mom goes MISSING and you’re mad??? at her??? for not telling you right away? I feel like this conflict could have been replaced with something a little more fantastical, or at the very least interesting. Also, I felt like for the first 40% of the book, there was NO sense of urgency. HER MOM WAS MISSING AND SHE WAS DILLY DALLYING AROUND FOR THE FIRST HALF FALLING IN LOVE. But, I must say, the romance was very cute. This sense of urgency did pick up later in the book, but I feel like it could have been handled a smidge better. (By presenting these criticisms I am in no way attacking the author. I really respect her as an artist and I overall really loved this book, but I can’t shy away from talking about the few issues I did have with this book). 

The things I really liked about the plot were the Wiccan elements woven through the story and the side characters we got to follow. I thought those were real strengths of the novel. The magic was pretty low key for the majority of book but when it was shown I LOVED LOVED LOVED how whimsical and cute it was. The way the subplots were woven into the main plot was also handled extremely well imo. I loved how things wrapped up and I was basically sobbing by the end so go Natalia!

Characters- 

As previously mentioned, this novel had a lot of interesting and diverse side characters. I enjoyed Charlotte and the love interest (Arthur). But, I think characters like Aspen and Freddie (a f/f couple might I add), Mrs. Nolan, and Loreena?? (Is that how it is spelled?) all brought unique and exciting arcs to the table. Also..... the damn naiad.... super cool. Just saying. I don’t have many complaints about characterization EXCEPT for Melanie. 

Fuck Melanie. 

She’s officially on my shit list. I don’t think this is really the author’s fault, but GOD I hated her. I did feel like her characterization was a wee bit weak, but the reason I disliked her was because she was so damn hard to root for. I don’t think she was a good friend to Charlotte until the very end and there wasn’t really a strong resolution to the conflict between them (but that is a plotting error). I thought Melanie was incredibly shallow throughout the majority of the novel and then did a complete 180 when it was convenient. Yeah, that was a no from me. 

Some final thoughts-

 This book tackled a lot in regard of theme. I really enjoy the trope presented in this book where, as a result of actions done by the humans that negatively impact the environment, magic/the magical world is somehow jeopardized or even begins to fight back. I LOVE THAT. I think it ties fantasy with problems facing the modern world in a relevant and interesting way. I loved that aspect of this book especially considering the good guys won in the end against the evil company tearing down Greenwood forest. This book had a really happy ending and the set up and payoff was SPOT ON, but it still left room for a sequel (I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS NATALIA WHERE IS BOOK TWO???? haha just kidding). Overall if you’re looking for a really fun and cozy contemporary fantasy with a guaranteed happy ending, I 100% recommend this book.

I hope you enjoyed my first book review guys! If you read the whole thing you’re a real trouper because I talk A LOT. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. If you’ve read Song of the Dryad and have additional thoughts please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to discuss it further with you.

Love and Light always :)  Florence <3   

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/21/2019: TERROR IN THE WOODS

I consider this to be the second Slender Man movie that I viewed this blogtober season. Previously, I wrote about THE TALL MAN, a twisty 2012 thriller by Pascal Laugier, the writer-director of 2008′s MARTYRS, which is coincidentally about a pair of traumatized young women who are driven to violence by the belief that they must placate a monstrous supernatural entity. THE TALL MAN does not share that similarity with the Slender Man mythos, but it makes a familiar proposal: A tall shadowy male figure emerges from the forest to abscond with children, for reasons that may be either murderous, or that may instead offer lonely and dejected little kids an escape into a sort of gothic Neverland. This odd killer-savior dichotomy reflects the pathos at the heart of Slender Man fandom, an obsession that thousands of ordinary young people shared with juvenile attempted murderers Morgan Geyser and Anissa Weier. Their story is so well-known that it feels a little embarrassing to explain that the eerie Slender Man is the fictitious product of an online Photoshop contest. His first appearance, surrounded by young victims and/or acolytes, was captioned thusly:

“We didn't want to go, we didn't want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time… “

The images’ combination of spooky shit and childhood innocence would have felt pretty cliche even in 2009, but the conflation of victimization with salvation is a potent one. It evokes both the escapist bent that is so pronounced in children, and also the death drive--the psychoanalytic idea that people are subconsciously attracted to their own inevitable and perhaps cathartic conclusions. Maybe someone has already named this form of suicidal ideation that represents both the desire for everything to stop, and the hopeful fantasy that death could be the beginning of something else; If so, I would love to read about it. For want of that, we have the sadly overexposed yet still poorly understood story of 12 year olds Moran Geyser and Anissa Weier attempting to make a sacrifice of their supposed friend Payton Leutner to the Slender Man. A thinly-veiled version of this story is articulated successfully in the Lifetime original movie TERROR IN THE WOODS.

The generic title gives no hint of what this well-acted and psychologically realistic production is like. While no names are named, including the Slender Man’s, Ella West Jerrier and Sophie Grace play extraordinarily convincing stand-ins for Geyser and Weier, as the awkward, isolated little girls who become increasingly obsessed with a Creepy Pasta-like website where they find out about a demonic creature called the Suzerain. Like the Slender Man, the terms of one’s relationship with the Suzerain are complicated. Once you have its attention, you have to make a blood sacrifice, or else it will annihilate your family. However, making the sacrifice brings the strange reward of being accepted into the Suzerain’s remote mansion, where you live forever as his slave. That might not sound too good to just anybody, but an unhappy, confused, and powerless person sees in it an escape from the ravages of the mundane world, and also a relief from the painful burden of personal responsibility, as the Suzerain becomes your ultimate and eternal authority. This is where the Payton Leutner character comes in (played perfectly by Skylar Morgan Jones), an even more naive and immature classmate who was being edged out of girls’ triangle before the Suzerain “chose” her for sacrifice.

While I feel concerned about some of the oversimplified causes that TERROR IN THE WOODS seems to identify--chiefly, well-meaning but absent parents who are too concerned with their personal dramas to notice the murder plot hatching under their noses--the movie nails perpetrator’s personalities, keeping the focus appropriately on their emotional turmoil and complex delusions. Minus the acerbic comedy, TERROR sometimes feels like a Todd Solondz picture, with true to life characters rendered in agonizing detail, especially Skylar Morgan Jones, who is as unlikable as she is undeserving. Their vulnerability, their tackiness, and their juvenile pretensions are all beautifully fleshed-out. One rarely sees an honest, warts-and-all portrayal of young children in anything besides obnoxiously arty, explicit indie dramas, and this quality puts Lifetime ahead of the curve (as they often are) in terms of a certain kind of domestic realism. Even the attempted murder scene pulls no punches, graphically depicting the savage stabbing of a little girl who ends up drenched in blood and rolled in forest floor detritus.

As I just suggested, I object somewhat to the easy-out presented here, that all of this could have been prevented if only the parents were more attentive to their children’s internet activity, and more suspicious of their perceived emotional states. Today I watched the two hour 20/20 special about the crime, in which a lot of professional adults say a lot of incredibly stupid things about the “obvious” problems with Geyser and Meier. “Is ‘I want to die’ a normal thing for a child to write?” blusters one expert rhetorically about a diary entry, at which I nearly screamed “OF COURSE IT IS!” Anyone who never experienced such exaggerated feelings of emotional exhaustion as a young teen would have to be either extremely sheltered, or sort of a psychopath themselves. Throughout the special, grownups who think Apple Jacks should taste like apples spar over whether Geyser and Morgan are just fundamentally bad people, completely ignoring the complex and detailed psychology laid out in the Slender Man literature itself. On one hand is the threat of family annihilation by this creature in whom the two girls manifestly deeply believed. On the other hand, respite from a continued life of bullying and rejection from all of their peers. Fear, sadness, alienation, and actual mental illness permeate this tragic story. In fact, the girls were ultimately diagnosed with schizophrenia and shared psychosis, respectively. However, even with all that on the table, some individuals remain happy to go on TV post-trial speculating frothily that these kids just wanted to know what it felt like to commit murder, and that maybe in this story we have discovered “that rarest of things--an evil 12 year old!”

It isn’t that I don’t think evil 12 year olds can exist. I don’t believe in the patent innocence of children any more than I believe that parents are completely capable of knowing (and changing) their child’s every thought and feeling, down to the ability to determine that something as outrageous as a blood sacrifice is a real life possibility and not just a relatively normal morbid musing for a normally emo-y kid. Trying to imagine that level of domestic detective work reminds me of the superior documentary DEPROGRAMMED, which details how the filmmaker’s rebellious brother had his life ruined by parents who convinced themselves that he was a legitimate and dangerous devil worshipper. Life just isn’t that simple, and this urge to find simplistic causes and solutions for unpredictable events is no more rational or mature than the urge to find solace in an imaginary kingdom with no parents and no homework. At this point, I feel like I should apologize for failing to address this movie, which I really liked a lot, as much as I addressed the story of the Slender Man stabbing. TERROR IN THE WOODS is roundly well-acted, appropriately sympathetic to all parties, and soberly told. It’s just hard for me to separate the story from the movie, as both have potent things to say about how we underestimate the psychological complexity of childhood. I don’t have solutions to propose, except that I think a good place to start would be with responsible adults relinquishing their own shallow certainty about what can happen and what we can do. 

[minnuet-archive]

about me!

hey! i'm vio.

that's not my real name (by real name, i don't mean dead name - i mean chosen name that i use in real life), but it doesn't mean i chose it at random. viola (vio) is my online name for a reason.

i chose the name viola because even though it's a girl's name, it's also the name of one of shakespeare's most sexually ambiguous characters to exist. vio, while also being a nickname for viola, is it's own name that comes from the word vita, meaning life.

in fact, i want vio to be my middle name once i legally change my name.

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i've kind of come to terms with my good traits and my not-so-good traits. i've been described as charismatic, kind, intelligent, patient, caring, thoughtful, good at giving advice, and funny. but the downside to being (supposedly) charismatic is that i can be manipulative. i also lie a little more than i should because of my anxiety.

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sexuality and gender wise, i'm not someone you can put into labels. i'm equally okay with he/him and they/them pronouns, so i'm perfectly comfortable with either the label trans ftm or nonbinary.

although i'm TECHNICALLY pansexual, I enjoy the term queer because it makes me feel less self conscious about if i'm more straight than gay (or vice versa) and things like that.

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i'm: - a pisces - a slytherin (although i don't support j.k. rowling herself and i don't love the harry potter series either, knowing my house will probably help you get a feel for who i am) - an enfj/infj (it changes a surprising amount) - an 8 (then a 3, then a 5) in the enneagram - chaotic neutral - a son of loki - a son of either hermes or hades (it's been a long internal debate)

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i love: - hunter x hunter (ハンター×ハンター / hantā hantā) - attack on titan (進撃の巨人 / shingeki no kyojin) - my hero academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア / boku no hīrō akademia) - death note (デスノート / desu nōto) - haikyu!! (ハイキュー!! / haikyū!!) - violet evergarden (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン / vaioretto evāgāden) - nura: rise of the yokai clan (ぬらりひょんの孫 / nurarihyon no mago / nurarihyon's grandson) - ouran high school host club (桜蘭高校ホスト部 / ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) - black clover (ブラッククローバー / burakku kurōbā) - yuri!!! on ice (ユーリ!!! on ICE) - westworld - the politician - the haunting of hill house - the good place - good omens - brooklyn nine-nine - on my block - lost in space - many more

i'm a big shipper and it causes me quite a bit of pain considering i mostly ship gay ships and i also mostly watch animes so they'll never happen.

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i used to play basketball and tennis, but now i mainly just use my dad's peloton bike and go on runs. oh, and i also snowboard and surf! i'm pretty good at surfing although i need someone to push me on a wave and i'm getting a lot better at snowboarding (although i'm not GOOD).

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i enjoy cooking too, but don't have enough time or energy for it. i love horror movies and house plants, but i can't take care of them for shit.

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i really like to listen to music!!! it's very hard to describe my musical taste, but my top grneres are modern rock, indie pop, indie, pop, rock, electropop, and dance pop. 

i used to listen to more emo music, but recently i’ve found that it just gets me down, so i try to listen to upbeat/chill music.

my spotify account name is strangecharm if you want to follow me! the playlist currently. has music that rotates as i find my favorite songs, but seventh grade. has all the music i've liked this year! i also really enjoy the playlist chill.

i also like musicals (dear evan hansen, be more chill, heathers, six the musical, and hamilton for the most part), but they're not what i listen to for the most part.

oh! i'm a singer and a pianist! i've always loved singing, but i always hated piano. a while ago, i got significantly better and started playing songs i enjoyed. it gave me this sense of motivation i've never felt when it comes to piano. i've even composed a couple piano pieces at this point!

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another really nerdy thing about me is that i genuinely enjoy philosophy and poetry (particularly from one of my favorites, rumi).

i love: - john green - david levithan - terry pratchett - neil gaiman - tomi adeyemi - rick riordan - jalāl ad-dīn muhammad rūmī (aka rumi; he’s an ancient persian poet, and he’s queer as hell) overall, i don't really read by authors, though. for the most part, when i choose a book, it's because it was recommended to me or is of value to me as an author.

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i'd like to grow up to be an author, but i also want to teach writing so i can share what i know! my (dream) life plan is kind of to go to college in london or, if not, somewhere on the east coast of the united states.

from there, i'd either want to study abroad in japan or get my english abroad permit and teach english in japan.

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i'm re-learning spanish and learning japanese, too! i want to learn them for four main reasons among many: 1) knowing spanish is really helpful in america 2) i can write novels in english, spanish, and japanese! 3) both spanish and japanese are absolutely beautiful languages- way more beautiful than english. 4) i can watch animes and have peace of mind because i won't have to read subtitles that are insanely off from what the voice actors are saying.

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i'm an eclectic witch (although i am particularly drawn to divination and green witchcraft)!

i really love tarot cards! some people think they can tell the future which is okay (i guess), but personally, i just use them to help me recognize themes in my and other people's life/lives from an unbiased perspective and help make things better.

my favorite kind of spells are jar spells and tea spells. if i'm doing spells, they're normally protection spells, self-love spells, or anti-anxiety/depression/bad vibe spells. i don't really believe in trying to use hexes or curses because then you're no better than the person you're cursing.

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i love art, but i'm not very good at it, so for the most part i do abstract art instead of realistic art. abstract art is pretty fun, too!

i'm trying to get better at using proportions and things, though. my favorite method is the loomis method and i love the youtube channel proko.

you can check out my book on wattpad, artistic elixir (i know, cheesy; i thought i was cool and i’m too lazy to rename it), if you want to see some of my art.

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i have a lot of unpopular opinions. some are big and some are small. that's just who i am. my mom's insanely left wing and lgbtq+ herself, but my dad's neither left nor right wing, leaving him hated by both wings. i've become a weird mix where i'm definitely more left wing than right, but i'm also not really either wing.

for example, i think that, if I'm being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand. i'm not saying that the feelings aren't real. I'm not saying that it's impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. but some genders & sexualities sound a lot more like a preference to me. i think that a lot of labels that exist could easily fit into other ones that already did exist. i also feel that you need some kind of dysphoria to be genderqueer and that neopronouns are a bit unnecessary.

basically, the rule of thumb for me is that i don't give a fuck. by saying this, i mean that i both do not give a fuck: 1) in that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want and don't have to to live by my opinions. i understand and respect that and i’ll love you the same as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your actions. 2) in that i won't tiptoe around you, trying not to hurt you. i will share my opinion, regardless of whether or not it hurts you. i speak my mind; that's how i've always been and always will be.

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i have a pinterest, a wattpad, an archive of our own, a spotify, and, obviously, a tumblr, so just ask me if you want my account on any of them!

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that’s basically all i can think of, but i’ll always answer questions for you guys! just send me an ask or even a pm if you want to ask any other questions, or even just want to talk! i’m always up for making friends!

-vio/viola 

[spiritualvirago]

How Attractive, Confident, Independent Women Intimidate Men

How attractive, confident, independent women intimidate men? Well, let's ask a man. In indie rapper Immortal Technique's song "You Never Know," he shares the story of an attractive, confident, independent woman who intimidated men (him included). In addition, to writing her a song, the music video shows him as an old man pulling out a love letter from her that he has saved for decades. Certainly, he married this woman, right? No. Was her boyfriend then? No. At least tried to make love to her? Also, no. It's the perfect example of what continues to happen to women just like us year after year. Let's examine a few excerpts from the song:

"She was on her way to becomin' a college graduate/ Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid/ The type of Latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with/ Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire/ Disciplined, intellectual beauty is what I desire/ Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez/ Everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless." "'I'm not even interested' is what her body language would say/ Everyone around the way gave up tryin' to get in it/ It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it/ On the block, bitches was jealous but wouldn't admit it." "She spoke intelligently and they bit it, always tryin' to copy/ But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy/ She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure/ I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure." "We talked about power to the people and such/ We spent more time together, but it was never enough/ I never tried to sneak a touch or even cop a feel/ I was too interested in keepin' it real/ Perfectly honest and complete/ She would always call me 'cariño' and never Technique/ Bought me a new book to read every two or three weeks." "Ended up locked up like an animal for a year Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer Then I got sent to the hole when my exit was near At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared." "Fuckin' lots of different women, but I still felt alone/ Relatively well-known around the New York underground/ But I kept thinkin' of her and how we used to be down/ The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair." "Technique don't fuckin' fall in love with people/ Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you/ The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you/ Appreciate them to the fullest extent and then beyond/ ‘Cause you never really know what you got until it's gone." https://genius.com/Immortal-technique-you-never-know-lyrics     A MAN'S SOCIAL PROGRAMMING "Get comfortable with being alone. It will empower you." -Jonathan Tropper In an article entitled "Most Men Are Cowards, But Too Cowardly to Admit It," author Paul Hudson writes: "Men set ridiculous and stupid expectations for themselves and then do all they can to hide their inability to live up to them. Men aren’t evil bastards; they’re stupid bastards who are too cowardly to admit how cowardly they really are. When did fear become a bad thing? When was it that we decided that the most basic of evolutionary traits was something that was to be overcome and avoided? Instead of being seen as advantageous, fear in man is believed to be a weakness. This backwards way of thinking is the reason why the world is constantly in a state of war." https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/men-cowards-cowardly-admit/643275 In the song, what is Immortal Technique's reason for never even attempting to touch this woman he's desperately in love with (just talking)? He claims he wanted to "keep it real." It is completely normal and natural for a man who is in love with a woman to pursue her. Nobody thinks sharing the physical expression of their mutual love for one another is a cop-out. It's one of the greatest joys and blessings in life, in fact. Saying that he is "keeping it real" is one of the typical tried-and-true justifications men give for not pursuing women who scare them (coupled with intense feelings for these women that also scare them). Dating coach veteran Katja Rembrandt validates that it is harder for successful women to find a partner due to this social construct of modern masculinity. “It is tougher because it takes a very confident man who probably isn't on the same rung of the corporate ladder, not to be intimidated. Very ambitious and very capable women are still very scary for the majority of men.” https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html

In the book The Love Gap, Jenna Birch explains, "Until men can provide for a family...they don’t feel comfortable dating seriously or making a lifelong commitment. And no matter how much men say they want an equal partner (a woman who’s smart and independent), studies find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior." Birch told the Washington Post that, "There’s a lot of survey data that said men were really into these smart career women. But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type. If this type of woman is the dream girl, then why are they having so many problems?" https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/02/men-say-they-want-smart-successful-women-so-why-do-these-women-have-trouble-dating/ Well, Birch discovered in writing her book that something known as "psychological distance" may come into play. Essentially, psychological distance is when an idea feels good in the abstract, but when one encounters it in the flesh and blood, it loses its appeal. Her research revealed that men liked the concept of dating what Immortal Technique called a "disciplined, intellectual beauty" from a distance, but, in reality, it was not appealing to them.   "A LADY IN THE STREET BUT A FREAK IN THE BED..." "In solitude, the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." -Laurence Sterne The Madonna/Whore Complex (or it is sometimes called "Madonna/Whore Dichotomy") is when men believe that a woman can be either good (nurturing mother, helpful nurse, kind school teacher) or bad (someone who enjoys sex, wears sexy clothing, has a high number of sex partners) but not both. This concept, in a nutshell, says that men find it difficult to see a woman as both "motherly" and "sexy" at the same time. Rapper Usher famously sang in his song "Yeah" that he wants "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8--this is the Madonna/Whore Complex. Let me explain it another way: some women are fuckable--freaks (women in sexy clothes with a high number of sex partners); some women are lovable--ladies (educated, classy, smart, conservatively dressed). Immortal Technique spends the entire first verse telling us how the woman in his song is clearly a "lovable lady." Any surprise that he brags about "fucking a lot of different women" but never had sex with the one that mattered? Any surprise that, in the last verse, he distinguishes between "the one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you"? Of course not.   WHERE DOES "MARRYING UP" LEAVE TOP WOMEN? "If you want to be strong, learn to enjoy being alone." -Buddhist saying

So let's talk about the pink elephant in the living room here...why is the heroine in Immortal Technique's song turning her nose up at all the guys coming on to her but she develops a friendship and ultimately falls in love with one who ends up getting arrested and going to jail? Why is she buying him books or borrowing on his behalf from the library? He made it pretty clear to us that this young lady could have whoever she wanted, right? Well, it actually makes perfect sense. I remember learning about something called "marrying up" in one of my Sociology classes. Historically, men tend to marry women with less social status than them, such as less-educated, younger women with less money and less impressive careers (or no careers). Likewise, women prefer "marrying up" (men with more education, more money, better jobs, and older than them). This has been the system since the dawn of time. Unfortunately, it leaves women of the highest social status and men of the lowest social status chronically single. Ladies, we have all dated men from this category at one point or another. We tend to beat ourselves up about it, but, in reality, there are very good reasons why the most amazing women are often involved with the least amazing men--beyond just their on-going availability (see the chart to the left). First of all, bottom men have absolutely nothing to lose by approaching top women. They are expecting to be shot down. Psychologist and coach Perpetua Neo told Business Insider that successful women are willing to put in hard work and effort--when it comes to making partner at the firm or dating a "fixer-upper" guy. While a pink collar woman might think, "He's not working? I need a guy who can help me. No way," a white collar woman might think, "He's not working? It's so hard to find a job after graduation. I can ride it out until he gets hired on somewhere." https://www.businessinsider.com/why-intelligent-and-high-performing-women-fall-for-toxic-partners-2019-7?r=MX&IR=T#1-high-performance-women-are-willing-to-put-in-the-work-1 What some think of as this woman "giving too much," the top woman probably thinks of as "trying hard," something for which she is typically praised. Now let's take into consideration the "masculine social programming" experienced by bottom men. Unfortunately, the pressures of masculine performance are eating at these guys the most, which turns a lot of them into narcissists. Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup told the Huff Post, "These pathologically self-centered guys want a strong woman who has a lot to give...these types of men look for women who can constantly stroke their 'surprisingly fragile' egos. They also want someone 'steady and strong' they can count on to take care of them--particularly someone empathetic to attend to their 'child-like needs' and someone smart who they can prove they're even smarter. They also tend to want self-sufficient women so they don't actually have to take care of the woman's needs..." https://www.businessinsider.com/why-intelligent-and-high-performing-women-fall-for-toxic-partners-2019-7?r=MX&IR=T#1-high-performance-women-are-willing-to-put-in-the-work-1 Furthermore, bottom men are often alpha males--just because they don't have pensions, college degrees, or stand 6'0" tall, doesn't mean they don't have commanding presences. Plus, sex with them is a big no-no, and taboo is a huge turn-on.   LESSONS FROM "SEX & THE CITY" "I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it." -Miranda, Sex & the City Dating coach Katja Rembrandt says, “Women are groomed to think that the man should have an even better job than them, so he can be the provider, even when she's perfectly capable of being the provider herself. These men are not usually looking for a very ambitious, hardworking, probably overworked wife...99% of the men you want to meet don't want to meet you. They might want to meet you for business contracts, but not as a future partner.” https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html Ouch! Let's look at the most famous "top women" we all know and love...who did the characters from Sex & the City end up with? Charlotte traded the man in her "box of dreams" (JFK Jr.) for someone still super successful, just not famous or GQ-esque, Harry. By focusing on his qualities (loving, caring, supportive) instead of his credentials (bald, short, not a celebrity), she found someone she truly loved. Miranda traded her dream man (Jon Stewart from the "Daily Show") for a patient, caring bartender who first broke up with her because he was intimidated by her money. It took Steve about 2 years to move past that, but he got there (opening his own bar helped). Despite all of Samantha's efforts to not let her on-going boy toy Smith hold her hand in public or call her his girlfriend, in the end, his unfaltering love, support, and care turned the tide. He was working several part-time waiter and caterer jobs when they met and was two decades younger.

Some say that couples must choose between "being right or being in love," but for modern bad ass single women the choice looks more like, "Do you want to be coupled up or do you want to wait for Mr Big"? Carrie and Mr. Big dated on and off for ten years before they unceremoniously agreed to marry for asset protection purposes. In John Gray's Mars & Venus on a Date, he lays out some great advice for women on Carrie's path: - understand that it is natural for all men to pull away periodically--it's not about you - uncertainty is a normal, natural phase during the dating process--and some men dwell in uncertainty for years (or, as Miranda would say, they are like taxis driving around with their lights on that never pick up any passengers) - a woman must resist the tremendous urge to start pursuing the man when he stops pursuing her (let him experience the uncertainty), which leads me to the final bulletpoint... - while uncertain men should just focus on one woman at a time to see if he is interested in getting further involved, women in uncertainty should date around and fill up their time with a variety of different guys to see who is most fulfilling and keep expectations low at this point If you want to wait for Mr. Big, you need to understand the above 4 concepts. If waiting is not your bag, the Sydney Morning Herald reports, "Rembrandt encourages women to look for, and appreciate, the value of partners who are willing to support their success rather than compete with it. These men may have lower incomes and lower status. And, no, this isn’t the age-old advice to 'settle.' Settling is when you lower your standards and effectively put your needs second. Finding a man who’s going to support your success is about putting your needs first." https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html Birch, author of The Love Gap, echoes this sentiment as well, saying, "There were a lot of women in my book who ended up dating men who all their friends and family said: 'Don’t do it. He’s not going to put a label on it. He’s taking forever. He’s so skittish.' But a lot of the women learned that they had to be patient and work through it on an individual level with these guys who were putting so much pressure on themselves to provide, which I thought was really great." https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/02/men-say-they-want-smart-successful-women-so-why-do-these-women-have-trouble-dating/ HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING AN "INTIMIDATING SINGLE WOMAN" "Being alone has a power that very few people can handle." -Steven Aitchison First of all, let's acknowledge that a really big percentage of the world is completely controlled by their inability to be alone. They are chasing after abusive basement-dwellers, visiting their X's in jail, accepting booty calls from guys who don't give them orgasms back, and so on...all because they can't do what we do. Standing alone takes courage. It is an act of bravery. Remind yourself of this frequently. Also, remember to make gratitude a daily habit. We never have to deal with his snoring, don't have to share the remote, never have embarrassing arguments in public, and never have to cry ourselves to sleep because of some off-hand comment a man made. One of my personal favorite things about being single is that my vibrator has never asked me for a blow job 3 seconds after I come.

I was once involved with a guy 20 years younger than me (one of the perks of being a single M.I.L.F.). We had agreed to have casual sex. There we were sitting in my kitchen, no-strings agreement reached, and nothing happening. He told me he was still too nervous to kiss me and get the ball rollin.' For fuck's sake! I felt like Mrs. Robinson in the phone booth telling Benjamin to give me our hotel room number. The next day we went out with a group of friends, and I saw my "Benjamin" walk right up to some random young lady in the crowd, start dancing with her, and by the 2nd or 3rd song, grab her and kiss her like nothing. Clearly, he had labeled her a non-intimdating "fucakable" woman, and I realized he had a serious crush on me! It used to be, "He's just not that into you." But, for powerful women like us, when a man stalls, postpones a date, or disappears for two weeks, I read that the opposite way--it's just a historical fact. If he's "just not that into me," he'll drop some hints (or just directly ask) for casual sex before disappearing. If he is that into me, he won't. Most "dating rules" were not written for women like us. A/B split test your own rules since the conventional ones most likely don't apply. Like starting out with casual sex and then seeing what develops...this has always been discouraged by dating gurus. In my experience, casual sex can keep him coming back long enough to realize you aren't going to bite his head off like a praying mantis. Just be careful to be honest with yourself about what's happening because he can turn into a deer in headlights at any moment during this phase. Again, John Gray writes in Mars & Venus on a Date: "These women (who remain single) mistakenly approach their relationships with men the way they want men to approach them. They are repelled by the thought of a needy man, so they are very careful not to need a man...They are surprised that their self-reliant attitude does not make them attractive...A woman needs to understand within herself why she may need a man and then learn how to express this vulnerability in a healthy way...The more self-sufficient a woman becomes, the more she hungers for the nurturing support of a man's romantic affections, friendship, and companionship. Women today experience a deep longing to feel the intimate passion that only good communication and romance can provide." (p. Read the full article

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 5.28 - 6.3

capsule reviews of the pop culture things i took in last week. in this post: from a room, chi-raq, the intervention, all the beauty in this whole life, bone tomahawk, spades and roses, souvenir, spin, brooklyn nine-nine, blue velvet

1) From a Room, Vol. I, by Chris Stapleton: My thing with Chris Stapleton is, I have enjoyed his two albums, I have thought they were both Very Good, I think they're both fine examples of what country should sound like and understand their importance in keeping country music vital. I'd fall just short of calling either of them classics. Which is a weird space to be evaluating an album, where your main critique of an album is that it isn't an all-time classic, that you agree the songs are good and that a lot are great (and there's some great fuckin' songs, "Either Way" is just, yerrrgh, that's a toughie), but sometimes, it feels like there's some ingredient missing from the mix. I think it just feels too perfect. This man has a perfectly tortured voice, capable of translating any sort of pain and misery he feels, and he's using it to craft perfect country songs about country things like drinking and being in jail. It feels like he's content to do great things within the confines of the genre when he could be reinventing it, which, hey, fair enough, Chris Stapleton making really good country songs is a thing in this world I'm not complaining about, and if he never unlocks the potential I believe he has and only ever makes songs like "Death Row," I'd be cool with that choice.

2) Chi-Raq, dir. Spike Lee: Because I am ignorant of any piece of media that was made before 2003, I did not know what the Greek drama this was based off was about, so when I realized it was a film about women withholding sex made by the dude who made She Hate Me (this is an unfair comment because I haven't seen the film, but I'm pretty sure that's an unpleasant movie), I kinda prepped myself for an uncomfortable experience. And then the film ended up being fucking fantastic. The fact that the "no peace, no pussy" protest elicits a reaction of "Well, we have dicks. They love our dicks! Surely, if we just remind them of the fact of our dicks we'll put an end to this nonsense" is not just what would obviously happen should a similar protest occur in reality, it calls attention to the fact that so many problems facing the world are being caused by dudes who can't see past the apparent power of their dicks. (I will bring to the grave the belief that, if all the Republican presidential candidates held a joint press conference to tell Donald Trump he had a large penis, Donald Trump would have suspended his campaign and receded into the background.) But more importantly, this film has things to say about this country. It hits on everything, and it hits it hard. It calls out gang violence for bringing strife to black communities, then calls out the people who would use that strife to undermine causes like Black Lives Matter. It's a film stylized all the way to hell that remains grounded in reality because, what with the lists of names the film brings up (multiple lists, and nary a name repeated on any of these lists), it's impossible to fully escape reality. It's an astonishing film from a master director on a subject he's had to explore too often. (Also, Samuel L. Jackson having the time of his life as a Greek chorus.)

3) The Intervention, dir. Clea DuVall: I can never remember which character from Parks & Rec elicited this Perd Hapley line that has stayed with me forever, but all the same, some character asks Perd Hapley "Do you know what I mean?" and Perd responds, "I don't! But it had the tone and cadence of a joke." I have used that line to describe so many things where I respect the attempt at humor but don't ever laugh. This film is an example of what I'd use that line to describe. There's a lot of funny people in the cast, and there were plenty of comedic set-ups, but nothing like an actual joke. I think the film wanted to be a serious meditation on the relationships between these people (who were related in some convoluted way or another), so it tried to distance itself from the comedy, but it never took anything serious enough for the emotional moments to land with any impact. I wouldn't attribute this to the cast -- Melanie Lynskey is fantastic, and I completely forgot but Cobie Smulders can do goddamn work y'all -- more to the point that, hey, there's a low ceiling and low floow for movies about upper-middle-class white folks who only share quiet and emotionally difficult moments with other upper-middle-class white folks, and this film lands somewhere in the middle. I saw this the same day I saw Chi-Raq. Y'all tryna get away with pointin' a camera at some randos, and that's not gonna cut it.

4) All the Beauty in This Whole Life, by Brother Ali: On my personal Top 20 list for the year, I have this ahead of DAMN. It's 10% contrarianism, 20% homerism, 65% this is an amazing record by an amazing man, 5% no one at any point shouts KUNG FU KENNY. It's easy to make an angry political record. I think Rise Against is releasing an album this year, and it's already getting an A- and barely missing the Top 20, because times are shitty and it's easy to be angry. It's hard to look at the world as it is today and find things to defend, reasons to keep going. The most profound political statement to be made is that the world is fundamentally good and needs to be protected from those bringing it ruin, and Brother Ali makes that statement with authority. We'll have plenty of time and reasons to get angry in the coming days/months/years/decades. This is a record advising you to take a second to reflect on what's good in the world, the reasons hate came to be, what we can do to bring out the beauty, to explore what peace we can find before we start a war. It's powerful, amazing work.

5) Bone Tomahawk, dir. S. Craig Zahler: Not gonna lie: took a catnap in the middle of this one, very short, not even sure I was asleep, but definitely let the ol' eyeballs have a rest for a couple seconds. Didn't feel like I missed much plot-wise when I woke up, though. Probably missed a lot of beautiful shots of the Western hills (ok, THIS film is how you break in an HD display, I feel, nuts to Interstellar), but hoo boy, this film moved slowly! On the whole, the film was pretty great, I loved the way it built that town's community in just the one emergency meeting scene ("Look at the mayor when you're addressing him." "Yeah! Look at me!"), but there's a lot of time spent with gruff Westerners speaking softly about the great and terrible things they've done, and impeccably composed as those shots were, I can only be so interested in the things Matthew Fox has to say. (Also, hey there, central romance between a dude and a woman 22 years younger than him.) The film builds to the conclusion well, it picked up the pace a few scenes after my nap most regrettable, and I typically can enjoy a glacially-paced film now and then without sleeping, but if you have a worse attention span than me, this ain't rhe film for you.

6) Spades and Roses, by Caroline Spence: i do not remember how i came to add this particular indie singer-songwriter's ablum to my queue, but here we are, and this was fine! This was fine. I liked it. I rode on a bus and listened to this album, and I thought the young woman sang soft and sweet though potentially dark songs over gentle acoustic guitars. I cannot say I regret listening to this album, though I find myself unable to say much beyond that, because it was fine.

7) Souvenir, by Banner Pilot: I listened to this pop/punk album from an act I understand to be local after Spades and Roses, and one thing I should learn to do is try to pair albums better so that I'm not dealing with a change in mood this intense, so that there's a logical flow to the albums, some thematic link, not just "I added some shit to the library and I guess I'm listening to these today." Figuring thiis sort of stuff out is kinda hard, y'know? Like, I don't want to feel like I'm adding stuff to the library just to get it out of the way three weeks later, and maybe that colors my experience with albums like this or Spades and Roses, where they're fine but not necessarily something I feel I need to listen to twice, but if I come away from an album thinking I don't need to listen to it twice to get the full story, I'm not sure I'm being completely fair to the album. ...This review isn't so much a review of the album itself as much as it's a review of how I listen to music. C-. Needs a lot of improvement.

8) spin, by Tiger's Jaw: OK so I can tell ya right now I fucked up listening to this one. I was distracted, I had connection issues, I went grocery shopping and spent the majoirty of the grocery shopping twist asking myself what groceries I needed instead of what this album was doing for me, I did the thing where I treated music like background noise and not the thing I should be paying attention to. I thought the album was OK, but I could tell that it came to me on the wrong day, that maybe I should have put on something I'd heard before, and saved this one for a time when I could give this what it deserves. Bad week for me and my listening habits. Like, I do the thing with movies where I put the film on full screen and only check my phone to check the time, I need to find the thing for music that gets me to pay attention to music for more than one song at a time.

9) Brooklyn Nine-Nine s4, cr. Michael Schur & Dan Goor: I'm beginning to think this show would be the rare half-hour sitcom to benefit from a 13-episode order. This does action-comedy so well, but you can't really sustain the intensity of the action-comedy aspects of the show over 22 episodes, but then they have to fill the rest of the episodes with hangout-sitcommy bits that are very hit-and-miss for me. Once the show has a plot, it sings, but when it's doing its mystery-of-the-week thing what with A, B, and C plots so the entire cast has things to do, it can feel unfocused. I mean, hey, I watched every episode, I think the show is hilarious (I will sing Andre Braugher's praises until they can hear me from the moon), but I had to learn to deal with its inconsistency. Maybe not a Hall of Famer, but so many All-Stars never make the Hall of Fame, y'know?

10) Blue Velvet, dir. David Lynch: I saw this on Saturday night, and I'm still trying to process it. I'm actually not sure right now that I've seen a David Lynch movie before, which might explain why I feel so off-sync with this film; I've seen season one of Twin Peaks, but I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what he does, beyond a David Foster Wallace essay about the director. Perhaps I've become too desensitized to violence to understand what's shocking about the violence in Blue Velvet, or too many films derivative of Lynch to see what's uniquely Lynchian about Blue Velvet. I do see the central point and believe it's fascinating -- the only think keeping Jeffrey Beaumont from actually being Frank Booth is a sense of decorum, that Jeffrey needs to be Jeffrey to live in civilized society, but the only thing Frank does that Jeffrey only does reluctantly is Violence, and now I'm realizing this is Hannibal, that's where I saw this movie, was Hannibal, OK, OK, cool cool cool, but also, that theme of the darkness within, of people like Frank being everywhere, it resonates, because now we live in a world where we can remove ourselves from a sense of decorum and be Frank. To see Frank Booth in 2017 is to see the manifestation of a Twitter egg. So in the course of this review, we discovered that we are on this film's wavelength, and that the distance we had to bridge was created by seeing Lynchian works and living in the end times.