#Thank you for listening to my vaguepost

[kiwinatorwaffles]

hmm. i'm usually not one to post about these topics but i think i've gathered enough thoughts on wilbur's abysmal apology towards shelby to form a cohesive message.

WARNING: the rest of the post will discuss abuse and also a lot of my personal experiences as someone who has hurt other people in the past. obviously not to the extent that wilbur has, but please move on it you don’t want to see it. thank you and stay safe.

being stuck in a hard place, whether it be living conditions, mental conditions, or any other factor, will naturally hurt the person going through those tough times. and hurt people hurt people. but i think there's a pretty Big Fucking Difference between doing bad things in the past and actually owning up to your actions after regretting it VS doing bad things in the past and turning a blind eye against those you've hurt to wallow in your own ego and misery.

i’ve experienced my fair share of abusive friendships, but when i was fifteen, i WAS the toxic friend. (yes, i’m aroace. friendships aren’t the same as a romantic relationship but they can be just as strong. i value my platonic bonds as much as allos value their marriages or date partners.) i was going through a huge depressive episode. it was tough for me, but during that time, i made fun of my friends' interests to their faces because i couldn't personally understand it, and i also vagueposted about the little things they did that ticked me off right where they could see it. it got to the point where they had to make a separate group chat to talk about their interests where i wouldn’t see it. i hurt all of them, and it ended in them confronting me about my actions. they put me in my place and called me out for my horrible attitude.

after seeing my friends' perspectives, i realized just how awful i was to them and sincerely apologized to each of them. i recognized their feelings towards my actions and didn't make excuses. even though i was going through a hard time myself, my abuse towards them was absolutely NOT justified. as i recovered, i made sure not to hurt them any more, and years later, our friendships are still going strong.

my experiences aren't nearly as extreme as what wilbur has done to shelby, but i think it's pretty fucking clear that his apology was flaming dog shit served on a trash dump. like, i was a fifteen year old. he's a Grown Ass Man with a big platform. he dug his own grave by talking about himself first instead of actually addressing his mistreatment of shelby first and foremost. he didn't even MENTION shelby by name. talking about his "strides to betterment" without even directing his apology towards the person he actually hurt is just pathetic. that whole spiel about how he "thought" the whole exchange was consensual is fucking wild. he didn't even apologize for that; he moved on right afterwards.

we can infer that wilbur has been struggling with being a person who has done bad things through his songs and lovejoy's music. he might have been going through a hard time and maybe even regretted it (though his apology really makes it seem like he's just doing it for damage control), that STILL doesn't validate any hurt he might have caused. the least he could’ve done is to sincerely apologize to shelby, even if she didn’t accept it. but he couldn’t even do that.

it's just disappointing that, as someone who has a platform of millions of followers, he displayed an act of shallowness. in the end, his attempt at sincerity fell flat and benefited no one, especially not the people he abused. if he had properly apologized, even if his apology wasn't accepted, it would've shown people in a similar situation how to apologize to the people they hurt in the past in a mature and sincere way.

so, yeah. FUCK wilbur soot. focus not on the fact that he has done bad, but that the one he abused didn’t get a proper apology. support shelby and other victims of abuse. listen to their experiences and spread awareness of these cautions. uplift their voices, not his.

for those who have connected to his and lovejoy's music that have gone through a similar dark time in their lives, i also extend my heart out to you. it must also be hard to see someone who reflected your struggles of betterment reveal himself to be someone who really hasn't gotten better at all.

but you don’t have to be like him. you don’t need to follow in his steps as long as you own up to your mistakes, even if you can’t talk to those you hurt anymore. in the end, what matters most is that you apologize in a sincere way and make sure you don’t repeat those mistakes going forward.

you CAN get better. if anything just so spite that british boy’s ass

thank you. kiwi out ✌️

[liquidstar]

This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.

HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.

You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Masterpost and About Me

Pronouns: For now everything is fine. I don't know what my gender is and there are so many things that I have to do first before I can figure it out.

Name: You can Use Ita/ITA (Shoutout to @benkaaoi for first calling me that)

Original Post Tag: ITA Original (I have backtracked this using XKit because prev my original post had the txt automated tag, but I have only been using the txt tag since last year so those are the only post that got backtracked) - (Shoutout to @twig-tea for first giving me the original tag idea)

Posts where I comment on My Reblog will Have the tag: ITA Responds (I have not backtracked this except one or two posts, that will take a lot of manual labor, I might get to it in the future, I don't do it that often anyway)

Just an FIY: If you have issues with any of my thoughts and you want to engage with them, please feel free to do so directely. So long as everyone stays polite we can have a discussion. We can even just agree to disagree mutually block each other and move on. I do not like vagueposting. Just be direct please.

META/ANALYSIS AND POSTS I WANT TO HIGHLIGHT

FoureverYou Project Masterpost

The Trainee: No Kiss Till The Finale

GMMTV QL Plan

Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! Mini Thought Dump/Review

Taishin ND Read

We Are: Why I Didn't Like It

Only Boo Finale

Weddings In QL

About GLs

BL Wishes

Only Friends Pilot Trailer vs The Show (Not going to put all my OFTS posts but this one is relevant to a possible future meta post that might happen)

Make A Wish Sub Ita Thoughts

Poly Post

Dead Friend Forever Finale/Retrospective: x x Also: Still waiting for my fix it fic (Not going to tag all my DFF posts just the final ones)

***

Maybe Let's take BL actors at their word, K? Thanks!

BOC and NC Scenes (w additions - also look at the notes for more info)

4 Minutes: First Theory - Post 6 - Post Ep 6 Theory - Small theory on the ending on @lurkingshan's post - Post Ep 7 Tonkla Meta - Post Finale mini rant

Ohm Thitiwat is at GMMTV and I freak out about it

Been Listening to Stray Kids

The Importance Of Tone in QLs

[bogleech]

Listen, when you post some beef about my takes on a piece of media, and you bring a hot button topic into it like AI art, you're telling everyone who searches for that media "here's this guy SLANDERING the thing you love!!" I ignored that pokemon thread when I first learned of it but by a day later it had already broken containment that I wrongfully accused a beloved franchise of using AI art, which isn't something I ever implied but certainly something that makes more randos furious with me anyway. The fact that I'm at all known to people escalates that even more.

So please seriously ask yourself if that's what you want to do to someone over nothing but video games?? When it's that trivial an issue, you could always just leave it a vaguepost at the very very least, or you know just ask me personally to clarify so I can tell you no, here's what I meant about this, but hey we're both fans and you seem cool, thanks for asking?? 😐

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

6, 9, 12, 13, 14

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

okay soooo this is part of a final chapter to something I should have had done. a long time ago. but hopefully soon!! i just need to stop forgetting it exists...

He thinks back to earlier that afternoon, in the doorway, Klavier’s eyes on his skin and his towel suddenly seeming scandalously skimpy. To later, Klavier’s hair curling around his ears and Apollo burying the impulse to twine it around his finger. To the way Klavier got him a drink and ferried him through the airport and dropped his guard around him and let himself be imperfect the way he never does with the public’s eyes on him— Apollo allows himself to imagine, for one second, what it would be like to thread his fingers through the hair at the nape of Klavier’s neck and pull him down for a kiss.

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

So this is going kind of far back, but I'm Not So Good With In-Between by SocialDegenerate was one of the first Klapollo fics I ever read, and it has all my favorite things: Apollo secretly enjoying something Klavier's doing but not admitting to it, Klavier finding his own way to move forward in his career post-Gavinners, social media sleuthing, Trucy Wright...

A more proper summary is: Post-AA6, Klavier launches a radio show and answers listeners' questions/gives advice. Apollo winds up listening to the show and realizing he misses Klavier more than he thought, so reaches out via text and they become closer than they had been when in the same country. Cue pining like you wouldn't believe, the radio equivalent of vagueposting, and some minor meddling...and perhaps, things all work out in the end.

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

I was about to say "this one is hard because I probably don't remember them all" but then I remembered the Emperor's New Groove Klapollo AU and. that's it. that's the one.

13. What's a character or ship you haven't written/drawn yet but would like to some day?

ohhhh one of these days I will be brave enough to write kazuma/ryuunosuke fic. but I probably have to replay all of TGAA first

14. Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

I never thought I would end up having a motivating enough idea to write anything Franmaya related, but I ended up coming up with an entire detailed boarding-school rivals-to-lovers plot...that technically I'm way overdue on posting. Next time I have a day off work I'll finish that one off and get it out there, I promise!!

THANKS FOR THE ASK SPARROW!! <3 <3

[mylittleredgirl]

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

thank you for the ask!!

👩‍🏭 genuinely feel like a failure in the fanfiction world because i don't have a juicy answer to this. what have i been doing with my time?? closest thing is that i have teenagers do sex in my mini!otp fics, but the smut is so lowkey (and they're mentally and emotionally adults no less). i have not worked hard enough as a writer to cause problems on purpose.

🏅 I FINISHED THIS SAM/JACK FIC I'VE BEEN SUFFERINGLY VAGUEPOSTING ABOUT. it's currently at beta and i like it! i was sweating though it, like i had to go drink gatorade and rehydrate my brain. it's hard (for me) to write emotionally charged scenes between characters who typically live at least a three-hour drive away from their emotions.

💻 i don't do the epic immersive deep dives on research that some writers do where they come away with new skills and careers, because i don't really write AUs that require comprehensive knowledge of anything outside the realm of the show canon. (i do swim laps in canon a lot, though; i'm working on an episode-by-episode long fic and i'll marinate in an episode by listening to it seven times in a row.)

now that i'm writing stargate fic, which is set On Earth in a particular year, i end up doing a lot of constant, shallow googling. for some reason, i spend so much goddamn time in google maps asking how far apart things are. this week i read up on tattoo culture in southeast asia and how to load a motorcycle into a pickup truck. i was recently neck-deep in historical movie listings (by week and number of theaters) to try and guess what previews would be playing before certain other movies in a particular week in 2004. part of it is a deep fear of being Wrong, but i'm also panning for gold, looking for those like DIVINELY INSPIRED coincidences that make a fic come together. it's a way of filling out the world i'm writing, too (even if it's just for me?? did i ever actually use anything from all those tenth-grade colorado public school syllabi i read while writing mini!otp fic? i'm convinced it still somehow shows through).

(ask me fanfic questions if you want!)

[cursed-tale]

Really wish authors would realize that their social media “brand” doesn’t have to be them shilling their novels in every post they make.

[kcnnarys]

i’m confused and out of touch so im gonna be straight to the point and ask why you guys don’t like sarah/zigsexual? i dont get all this vagueing stuff and reblogging w/o being direct

normally i would not answer an ask like this because i hate fueling stupid drama but i dont want people thinking that im someone who cant handle conflict directly. i almost never make vagueposts myself because i have no interest in fueling a bad/non existent relationship on here and i dont really give a shit about what other people have to say about me. i make general comments about the fandom at times and if the shoe fits ..... anyways! if on the very rare occasion that i do make a vaguepost or interact with one, it's in reference to someone who has me blocked. i am not afraid of conflict or difficult situations, and neither are my mutuals, so in cases like this it's because they have us blocked but are still mentioning us on their blog after blocking us. a direct line of communication just isnt possible at this point.

i will not speak on behalf of my mutuals in regards to their experiences with her because it's not my place to share and a lot of it is private. and personally id rather not air out my own dirty laundry on here for everyone to see but i can promise you there is good reason

[starshipsandsuperheroes]

Sure is bothering me in this chili’s how little people seem to care about respecting pronouns when they’ve been told to you multiple times

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn’t going to address this bc I’m pretty sure it will accomplish nothing bc people will believe whatever they want to believe - but, well, at least *I’d* feel better getting my side of the story out and then moving on with my life.

Cut for length.

I’m aware that the fallout of my “controversial” post has several people upset. I have seen, over the past 24 hours, several vagueposts about me. I have seen one user in particular (who I am not going to tag but I’m sure she knows who she is, what's up) make *several* posts about how I’ve betrayed her. I have seen that I am now a “toxic possie,” that I am gaslighting people into thinking they misinterpreted me, that I have “out of nowhere” changed, become toxic, or suddenly have a problem with people I’ve been mutuals with for years for “no apparent reason.” I have *also* seen that I don’t want to be proven wrong, that I can’t handle the inevitable backlash of what I’ve said, that I don’t know what torture is or what narrative framing is. And that I have been “pretending” to be on one side all this time, that I am now slandering the takes that I’ve previously defended, etc.

And I just need to say - for one thing, what in the actual fuck are you talking about by saying I’m GASLIGHTING you, but for another thing, if you truly think that my POV is coming out of nowhere, with no apparent provocation, you clearly haven’t been paying attention.

And I mean, that’s fine, whatever, but just for the record? I got fed up MONTHS AGO. Some of you I unfollowed a long time ago (thanks for noticing!), some of you I blocked way before my post was even a thing (what’s up!) and some of you I was never fucking following in the first place, nor have I ever even had a conversation with you (or if I have, it’s been brief and in passing on some post or another). And I wasn’t following you nor did I ever attempt to befriend you because I don’t agree with most of your takes and don’t want to engage with them.

To the person who thinks I deliberately betrayed them, specifically - I don’t even KNOW YOU. Most of the time I’m hardly aware that you exist, until your posts cross my dash due to the mutuals we had in common, and I’m not impressed with what I’ve seen. It’s not your response to anons that have sent you hate and death threats that I take issue with - obviously no one deserves that and you’re free to defend yourself from it however you like. My issue is that I have seen you and others hop on posts that started out either neutral or positive and turned them negative by reminding everyone that the series is harmful, that Sylvie is abusive, that Mobius is a torturer, that the TVA being fascist means that the show is pro-fascist (and I’m the one who doesn’t understand narrative framing? Please.) etc etc etc and it’s fucking exhausting. This has happened to a few of my own posts, too, and I’ve watched them spiral into seriously negative posts that I didn’t want my name attached to bc I didn’t agree w/ the direction the arguments were taking.

So when I saw you reblog my Mobius post and saw notes start coming in from series-negative people, I said, NOPE. And like I said, I’m glad I did bc the result was that I feel I ended up having fruitful conversations. I don’t want to be proven wrong? I WAS proven wrong. I ACCEPTED that I was proven wrong. I am FINE with being proven wrong. I’m not fine with trying to navigate my way through vitriol to defend myself against people who are so quick and immediate to accuse others of being abuse apologists, toxic, pro-torture, gaslighters, and whatever else takes I have seen in the last day, who aren’t going to listen to me anyway. I'm surprised I haven't been accused of being a terf yet (unless I have and I just haven't seen it). (And also I’m not taking the post down bc while I agree it was harmful, it was also productive and also it’s my fucking blog and I can keep up whatever I’d like, but thanks for adding some pro-censorship vibes to this dumpster fire.)

I haven’t “switched sides.” I was never on a side to begin with, which I have repeatedly said since this series started airing. I have defended a lot of you, absolutely, bc I don’t think anyone should be bullied for their takes and I don’t think criticism should be discouraged. I still feel that way.

But for months now, my efforts to be neutral and/or to stick up for people I thought were my friends have been ignored and unreciprocated, people I thought were my friends posted my meta in their discord servers to attack it, people stopped tagging their negativity, making it impossible for me to curate my fandom experience, etc. I have gone out of my way to apologize to people if I’ve hurt them, I have held my tongue so that I *wouldn’t* hurt anyone’s feelings even though I thought their takes were trash. All to no avail.

I’ve BEEN fed up. The fact that those of you this applies to are only JUST NOW noticing? Really just proves my point: y’all don’t actually give a shit about me, you’re just mad that I’m not holding my tongue anymore so you can go on thinking that good ol’ non-toxic artichoke is on your side. I'd say I'm surprised with how quickly you jumped to assuming the absolute worst about me, except I'm not surprised at all.

I am 1000% sure I am going to regret posting this, but I'm not unblocking anyone I've blocked, so if you have shit to say, go ahead; I won't be seeing it. Think whatever you want to think about me. If I haven't blocked you but you no longer wish to follow me or be mutuals with me or think I'm an asshole, feel free to leave. Peace out. I don't care anymore. It was nice knowing you until it wasn't; I'm 500% done with the way things are in this fandom.

[bookwyrminspiration]

I love your writing so much, you do such a good job explaining things and making it concise, but also interesting.

Also, you could totally make me believe something is canon, because if in a post you wrote “when fintan was in his emo band with bronte in neverseen, he also tried to take out one direction.” I would just add that to my idea of canon

ahh, thank you!! (I'm assuming this is referring to all my analyses and tumblr posts, since we're talking about explaining things! could be wrong though). I'm very interested in everything I talk about, so I guess I try to convey that and carry it over into the way I share things. The world is so interesting and I love talking about it, so I'm absolutely delighted you like listening to me!

I never thought concise would be a word ever used to describe me, but I like it! Talking about things is so much fun and there are so many words at my disposal to share ideas with so getting to use as many as possible is incredible--and you all indulge me to no end, which I appreciate immensely! I have a habit of talking at people rather than with them when it's something I'm invested in (like kotlc), so I'm glad it's not too bad or annoying!

and wow! giving me the power to alter your perception of canon...that's a high honor! I do sometimes include little disclaimers on my posts to remind everyone that the things I'm talking about are just personal interpretations of the events of keeper and the characters and the things they could mean. Which is actually pretty wild because you all keep asking for my personal thoughts despite me not being an authority over the series in any way!

But I take this as an absolute compliment that you trust my judgements and thoughts enough to refer to them when thinking about the series. People have referred to me as a writing resource/information source (not vagueposting about anyone, this isn't an isolated thing) for the series, and I always go !!! Like okay thank you!! I hope your fic/whatever else it is goes well!! I'll be screaming over here /pos !!

“when fintan was in his emo band with bronte in neverseen, he also tried to take out one direction.” I can't believe you forgot that Fintan himself was actually one direction. The entire band. He was the entire band all alone (/j). I wonder what kind of emo music Fintan and Bronte would make...I think Fintan deserves one of those villain songs that's undeniably the best of the movie, and I think Bronte wants to complain about things. Mesh those together to get their emo band! Concept: Bronte and metal screaming (whatever it's called). That feels very cursed....

This is a long way of saying thank you! I really appreciate the compliments and that you enjoy the things I do! I enjoy doing them and interacting with everyone, so I am giving you a big internet hug from where I am to wherever you are! Or a high five. Or I am offering you a flower from afar. Or a cat. Whichever you're comfortable with, if any <33

[chocobothis]

I'm not gonna name and shame fanfic but like

y'all

y'all

I get to vaguepost this. Because I read all of it so I get to do this. It is a right I have earned.

Loterally described it to someone as like "being held hostage and having the chance to escape but sticking around. Because I had to see where this went."

One, that character is not a dom. Absolutely not a dom unless there's like very specific circumstances (not entirely in control of one's self) at play. They are a service top at best. One of my OCs can dom them and not even the like Actual Dom one. It's the switch that leans toward sub.

Two, and I cannot emphasis this one enough, THAT IS NOT HOW THE CERVIX WORKS AT ALL. A human dick is not gonna just force it open to fuck into someone's womb. Absolutely not how that works. Forcing the cervix open would also be extraordinarily painful. It's not sexy times good.

Three, that is also not how the dick of a like 37 year old human works. At least, without some meds. It's totally okay that your faves can't go five continously rounds. No one is shaming them for having things like a refractory period. Number of rounds isn't what makes sex good. Quality over quantity. Also, if they want to please a partner, who happens to be in position of parts that can go more, there are many options that is not just a dick. Truly not the be all, end all.

Anyway, thank you for listening to this TEDtalk. 🧡🧡🧡

[namixart]

So. Sorry for vagueposting but rant under read more because I'm livid.

So. You may have seen my awesome new tattoo. It's great, I love it and it makes me super happy. If you haven't seen it, it's a tattoo of Cloud's Buster Sword covered in Aerith's flowers. The reasoning behind it, as I mentioned in my original post, is that 2020 wasn't really a fun year for anyone. Me? I got through it relatively unscathed, and a lot of it I credit to FFVIIR coming out and working on Wildflowers. I genuinely love it and I'm always excited to share more and more with you guys! I also spent most of the year gushing about the game and the characters to anyone who'd listen, and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say that if not for FFVIIR and Wildflowers I'd be in a much worse place right now, mental health wise. More specifically than just FFVII, it's been thanks to Cloud and Aerith. They're my favourite characters in the game (together AND separately) and honestly probably my favourite characters ever. Period. They're both absolutely comfort characters for me and I break out in a huge smile whenever they're so much as brought up. So, I decided to get a tattoo representing them. Because I wouldn't be doing as well as I am now if not for them. Again, both together and separately. As I mentioned in the caption of the photo I posted of my tattoo.

Now, tonight I got a notification: "[username] reblogged your post!" So, obviously, I went to check it out! Everyone has been absolutely lovely on that post--a lot of compliments and excitement RE: the tattoo--and I wanted to see if there was more of that. There was not. No, what I found in the reblog was [username] very smugly asking me what I would tell people "when C/T end up together again in remake" and I look like an idiot for getting a C/A tattoo. Would I tell them the remake retconned canon? Or would I lie and say it's a Z/A tattoo?

So, they obviously got blocked faster than the speed of light and they deserve none of my or anyone else's attention, but I just kinda need to rant, because hey, none of this is okay! First of all, there was nothing in that post or the tags talking about C/T or just T (don't want this showing up in their tags, I'm not an animal). The tattoo has nothing to do with C/T (or Z/A for that matter), and I did not feel the need to be snippy or talk about the LTD at all. For that matter, even if I did tag it as C/A, it's not really even just a shipping tattoo. First and foremost, it's about Cloud and Aerith in their capacity as my favourite FFVII characters, my comfort characters and the fact that they helped me get through 2020 and the first half of 2021. Do I ship C/A? Yes, obviously. But I'm not yet so deranged that that would be enough to get a tattoo. No, this was about the game and the characters. At any rate, the fact that I didn't tag it as C/T and that they still found the post means that they went snooping through the C/A tag to find it, presumably to get mad and be mean at strangers on the internet just trying to exist in peace. Which is bad enough. [username], if you're out there (and you're not, because blocked), please do all of us a favour and get a life.

Secondly, and most importantly, [username] missed something that's very obvious to somebody with basic reading comprehension skills (I know this is Tumblr but come on). The mental health thing. Now, I don't know where I would be if FFVIIR and Wildflowers hadn't happened at the time that they did, but I'd be in much worse shape. This story and these characters were consistently a huge comfort and escape for me for over a year and a half, and that's the reason I got a tattoo. So, [username] looked at a post of me being happy about my tattoo because it brings me joy and represents characters who bring me joy and got me through a goddamn global pandemic and went "That's nice," and proceeded to spit out whatever verbal garbage came to mind. This is the part that infuriates me. I'm not hurt, I'm not heartbroken, I don't care. But this sort of behaviour is disgusting. I'd be equally livid if I saw it happen to somebody else. Guess what you don't get to do? Shit on people's happiness and intrude like this. For all they know, I could've been in a much worse state than I was--did they ever think about that? That's the part that gets me. Like, who are you to come onto my post, take it way too seriously and be mean about something that represents my coping mechanism? Disgusting. I hope they know that every single character they mentioned, especially their beloved T, would be disgusted with them.

And even if none of this was the case, even if I did go off the deep end and get a tattoo because ooohh cute ship, even if I didn't have any mental health issues associated with it--even if all of that. They still thought it was appropriate to take a post of someone just trying to share a tattoo that they loved and be rude and mean-spirited and smug on it. While specifically looking through the C/A tags too, let's not forget that sad cherry on this pathetic sundae. What kind of person do you have to be, to act like this and think you're in the right? This is the most sincere "Get a life" I've ever said, Jesus Christ. Guess what? Shipping isn't that big of a deal! I know, radical. You know what is a big deal? Assholes like this trying to make everyone else's lives worse for... reasons? Kicks? I genuinely can't fathom the thought process you'd have to go through to end up at "I'll be mean to this person I've never met who's just having fun and being happy. Serves them right." I just... I'm upset. Not for myself (I truly do not care about one internet troll), but just in general that this kind of people exist. Vile. Get a life, and I'll go show my tattoo to people whose opinion I actually care about.

And, for the record, if FFVIIR does end with canon C/T (which, honestly, I really don't think it will resolve the LTD at all), I'd just still tell people that the tattoo was never meant to be, like, some deranged "I SUPPORT THIS SHIP AND I WANT IT CANON OR I'LL LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE" thing. It is, and always was, meant to represent two of my favourite characters who helped me through a really rough spot. Simple as that.

Also they got an ask from someone congratulating them on "putting toxic C/As in their places" I'm gonna fucking piss myself. Go eat a bag of dicks, fuckhead, and leave me alone.

[dirkfucker-callout]

hey i'm the current owner of nfa. a few days ago i had to ban multiple of kane's friends in the server, because they would not listen to my requests to stop bringing him up, and began vagueposting about me in the server. since banning them i have had anon hate sent to me, and rumors spread about me. i don't really know what else to say here other than this is a heads up saying these people are doing this. i tried to stay out of this as much as i could, but my hand is sort of being forced here.

Thank you for keeping us up to date, we’re extremely sorry about the strife you’ve been put through. Kane’s friends have a history of repeatedly sending malicious asks to this blog as well as the authors’ personal blogs. We’re sorry that they’ve opted to repeatedly ignore you, disregard the well-being of your server, and personally attack you even though you’re entirely unrelated to this situation. Unfortunately, their continued harassment is definitely something you should keep an eye out for, but thank you for letting us know nevertheless, and if it gets worse all of us are happy to assist you in any way that we can.

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Hello fuckers! This is the ridiculously long fic I've been vagueposting about for like weeks. 23k words sitting in a doc! I'll be trying to post maybe once every two weeks, but once school starts again it will be a lot harder to get out 3k words in a week. I have seven chapters written, so I'll consistently update for probably 2-3 months and then no promises after that. This is going to be a fucking epic.

Note that not all warnings  apply to all the chapters, so I'll be warning for triggering/upsetting content in each chapter individually. Please heed those!

You all also get to play a game of 'guess which song the chapter title is pulled from', which is made more difficult by my music taste ranging from musicals (les mis! DEH!) to my chemical romance. I'll let you know what the chapter title was from when I post the next chapter. Also, the POV switches each chapter, so that info is also in the notes.

Title: Coming, Coming Home

Chapter Title: Do you want to live out loud?

Chapter Wordcount: 3099

Summary:

The story of 109 WKIL, from the mother that began it to the daughter who saw the end of it.

Warnings: None for this chapter!

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen @no-braincells-here @piratecherricola (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

It began with a handheld radio.

The killjoy who was already beginning to be known as Dr. Death Defying had stolen quiet a few of these portable transmitting devices when he left the army of the corporation called Better Living Industries. Now, he began to give them out, one after another, to the small clusters of rebels who were just beginning to call themselves killjoys. With those, the groups kept each other updated for a while, passing whispers back and forth over the airwaves. The positions of squads of dracs, who had extra supplies, where there were good buildings to scavenge from or shelter in.

Those were highly effective in the small rebellion, news passing quickly between the few rebels, but as more killjoys began to enter to desert, take up the colors and masks and ray guns and form themselves into a true rebellion, it was getting to be not enough. 

“We need something with a wider reach.”

Dr. Death Defying was sitting at the so-called strategy table (which in actuality was a shitty kitchen table strategically repurposed), listening to White Lily talk about rebellion. It was another ordinary afternoon, or as ordinary as one could get in a post-apocalyptic nuclear desert plotting to overthrow an evil mega corporation. The sun was shining brightly overhead, and he and his best friend, the fiery spirited White Lily, were in a partially wrecked house out in Zone Four, where they had been staying for most of the time since the Helium Wars. Both former soldiers, they had served together for a little bit after D had first been recruited. He had been transferred to a different squadron soon after, and they hadn’t deserted together, but they’d met up after the wars and become close friends. Two dreamers who wanted to save the world, she had said. And so now they were trying to do just that, one killjoy recruit at a time.

“If this is going to be a true revolution, Walkie-talkies aren’t going to cut it,” White Lily went on. “We need a way to reach more people. Get the word out quicker.”

“Did you have any particular ideas?” Dr. Death Defying asked dryly.

Her eyes gleamed in the way that meant she did, in fact, have an idea. “A radio station.”

“A what?”

“A radio station. I know I sound crazy, but hear me out. If we can get our hands on the equipment, a lot of killjoys already have radios and that way we can also reach the ones with only a car radio. We broadcast news- who’s dead, where bli is attacking, just generally what’s going on. We can also make speeches over the radio, like what’s his face, the president guy, did with his fireside chats."

“FDR. And you can make speeches over the radio.” It wasn’t that he couldn’t, per se, but he would rather leave the main speaking part of it to her.

White Lily briefly made a sad face, but was back to determination within seconds. “Right, well I can make big speeches if you do daily announcements and news, deal?”

“Deal.” They realized a second later what they had just accidentally agreed to and sighed. 

The other just grinned. “Time to get some radio equipment!”

And so it began with a hand held radio and a duo of Helium Wars survivors, and 109 WKIL was born.

109 WKIL didn’t actually broadcast until two full months and a new crew member later. It turned out to be not exactly easy to get their hands on the equipment necessary to send out signals, and neither of them knew precisely what running a radio station required anyways. They researched as best they could, asking around and reading any old books they could find, but supplies were scarce and electronic equipment especially so. And so they didn’t get the radio station fully running until after the arrival of their third crew member.

It was another of the somewhat lazy afternoons in the desert when Cherri Cola showed up at their house in a stolen BLI News Van. White Lily was gone, off talking to a small band of neutrals and trying to persuade them to aid the rebellion, so it was Dr. Death Defying who was there to see a no-longer white van screech to a stop. He kept his ray gun close as he stepped outside, since the van was Better Living Industries, but the side of it had a sprinkling of graffiti and it was covered in dust, which reassured him somewhat.

“Hello?”

The van’s engine clicked off and Dr. Death Defying breathed a sigh of relief as a lean teenager hopped out, squinting in the sunlight. They were clearly a killjoy, given the pink mask, and they also wore scuffed jeans and a too-small black jacket despite the warmth of a desert afternoon. Their hair was brown and a sandy mess, and they were perhaps an inch or two shorter than Dr. Death Defying. They were completely and utterly un-intimidating with the sole exception of their eyes, which blazed with fierce and bitter kind of anger. 

“Another killjoy?” Their voice squeaked a little, undoing any effect of those fiery eyes, and they cleared their throat. “Uh, another killjoy?”

At loss for words, he nodded. “I’m Dr. Death Defying, he/him and they/them.”

“Cherri Cola.” They fiddled with their shirt hem. “He/him.”

“So…I’m assuming you’re looking for White Lily?”

“Was actually just looking for a place to stay the night,” Cherri Cola mumbled. “I didn’t realize you were already staying here, I can leave-“

“Absolutely not, get inside.” They hoped their voice didn’t sound too firm. “White Lily and I are happy to let people stay with us who need.”

“Oh.” D pretended not to notice the relief on his face as he ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Do you want to come into the shade? It’s baking out here.” He didn’t mention how hot the other killjoy must be in that jacket.

“Yes, please.” 

So he led the strange teenager inside, half-wondering what made the teen’s eyes so old and filled with hurt and rage. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the zones, per se, but this kid’s eyes were striking in their pain.

“So, how old are you?”

“Sixteen, you?”

“Twenty. Do you want some power pup? We’ve got a bit of extra, I think.”

Cherri nodded eagerly, and he devoured everything D put in front of him. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to pull off a raid or anything, and hacking vending machines isn’t as easy as it looks.”

That would explain why he was so lean. “You’ve got the look of someone who’s been out in the desert a while.”

“Almost since the end of the wars.” There was no need for him to specify which wars. The Helium Wars loomed over everyone and everything, desert and city. 

“Ah. I’ve been here since the very end of the wars, so not too much longer than you. My friend White Lily and I were both deserters, we met up and decided to stick it to the man, as it were.” 

“So you live together?” Cherri Cola’s face had softened into curiosity.

“Yep. We’ve been sheltering in this house for quite a while now, but we’ve lived together for longer than that.” 

Cherri nodded. “I’m on my own. Runaway from Battery City, never found a crew. It must be nice to live with your friend, though.”

At that moment, said friend came tromping through the door. “Hello, D!”

“Hey, Lily!”    

Cherri waved with a quiet “Hello.”

“Hello, random stranger in my kitchen!”

Dr. Death Defying sighed. “White Lily, this is Cherri Cola, he/him. Cherri Cola, this is White Lily, she/her.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cherri said politely. 

“Nice to meet you too, kid! So I’m assuming this softy offered you a place to sleep for the night?”

“I did, he needed a place to stay.”

“Softy.” White Lily turned her grin on Cherri Cola. “You’re welcome to stay for a bit, we’ve got a nice place and an extra room, so I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

“I can pull my weight,” he offered quietly. “I know how to sew and some first aid and a little bit of fighting, but I’m not great yet.”

“What makes you think you have to pull your weight for us to give you a room for a night?” Lily’s face was genuinely concerned. “Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but chill, kid.”

There was something in Cherri’s eyes that reminded D a little of a wounded animal as he glanced up at Lily. “You’re sure I don’t have to be helpful? I can do a lot of things- okay, not a lot, but I’m pretty good at fixing things and I know how to fire a ray gun, even if I can’t really do hand-to-hand combat.”

"Well, if some dracs attack, then you can put that to good use,” D told him.

“Wait, did you say you can fix things? Tech skills?” Lily leaned forward, and D didn’t have to see her face to know what she was thinking. 

“My…I knew someone who’s an engineer,” Cherri explained.  “I know how to fix a lot of things.”

“You don’t happen to know anything about radio equipment, do you?”

“Lily,” D sighed.

“Some, why?”

“We could use some help getting a radio station off the ground. And shush, D, if he’s going to stay anyways, we might as well figure out if he can help.”

“A radio station…do you have a transmitter? Or anything of the sort? And you need modulators.”

“We’ve got the modulators,” D told him. “We need a transmitter, the little one I found isn’t near powerful enough.”

Cherri Cola frowned, tilting his head. “Well, I’ve got a news van with what I’m assuming is a very powerful transmitter, haven’t tried to use it yet, though. We’d have to figure out how to make it work with audio instead of video, but I bet you could use the antenna from that. An FM station shouldn’t take too much technology, depends on how wide you want the range to be. Power is probably more of an issue?”

“We’ve got some large batteries, do you think we need a more permanent power source?”

They talked until the sun was starting to set, Cherri having quite a bit of useful advice and knowledge to supplement what little research D managed.

And after Cherri was safely asleep in the spare room, Dr. Death Defying and White Lily convened back at the shitty kitchen ‘strategy’ table. 

“You’re not seriously thinking of letting him stay forever,” Lily said as soon as she had taken her seat.

“Why not?” Usually, it would be Lily who asked this question, but “He needs a home.”

“This better not be fucking Socks all over again.” Socks, being, of course, the cat D had tried to take in during the Helium Wars. Not only had he been a lot of trouble, he had eventually run off onto the battlefield, and neither of them had been able to stop him. They could only assume he had been killed in the final days of the wars.

D still regretted that, but this was different. “He’s not a cat, Lil. But he does need a safe place to stay. Besides, you were the one who was grilling him about radio station technology.”

“At first. Then you took over with all your technical words and phrases.”

“All we were doing was talking transmitters.”

“Nerd boy.” 

D sighed. “Anyways. He can clearly be helpful, given how much he knows about radio technology and other things, and he’s obviously in need of a place to stay.”

“Well, we’ve got one of those at least,” Lily sighed. “He better end up a good radio station assistant for you.”

D knew that meant Cherri was staying. “We’ll offer to let him join in the morning.”

“We will.” Lily’s face was serious. “Be prepared for him to say no, D. We’re not famous yet, but being friends with rebellion leaders probably isn’t an easy lot.”

“Of course not.” The flashlight they had hung for light flickered. “We’ll warn him about a friendship with us means, but we can’t just kick him out.”

“Technically, we can, but we’re not going to.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

The next morning dawned slightly overcast, which was rare in the desert. It provided somewhat of a gloomy atmosphere as Cherri Cola wandered into their living room area with a tired “Morning.”       

“Morning,” Lily yawned back. D was the only one properly awake at the crack of dawn, always an early riser. 

He found it somewhat amusing how non-functional Lily was until she had had some coffee or gotten some adrenaline from a fight. “Good morning.”

Cherri settled down in one of the chairs cautiously as Lily opened her mouth again. “So, D and I were talking. Big softy that he is, he wants to let you stay with us if you want, and I figured you might be pretty handy when it comes to radio stations.”

“Don’t let her twist it, she’s equally on board.” D resisted a sigh. “We do have to warn you, we’re leading a rebellion. Lily is, at least. I’m something like a right hand, I suppose. So it will be dangerous and difficult to be friends with us, and the radio station will not be an easy endeavor either.”

“Can’t be worse than…” Cherri trailed off. “Can’t be worse than wandering the desert on your own in a stolen news van. Do you really want me to stay?”

“Hey, we always want another pair of hands.” White Lily’s joking tone didn’t get a grin out of him.  “You seem like a neat kid, why not let you stay?”

“Guess so.” Cherri yawned again. “So, do you happen to have a screwdriver? I think I’ve got some ideas about the modulators.”

So Cherri Cola came to live with them. His primary occupation was trying to get the radio station able to broadcast, alongside Dr. Death Defying, combining each of their respective technology skill with a lot of guesswork and the knowledge gleaned from whatever books they could find. He rarely went on runs with White Lily at first, but as they found out a week or so in, he turned out to be more than a decent shot with a ray gun.

“Holy fuck, Cola.” White Lily was staring at the empty can he had just knocked over- from a distance of a hundred and twenty feet, further than D or Lily had managed yet. 

“Is that a good or a bad ‘holy fuck’?”

“Good. Holy shit. D and I haven’t hit that yet, not with a shitty little ray gun like yours anyways.”

“What’s wrong with this ray gun?”

“No offense, but that’s a piece of shit.” D watched as she took the ray gun and weighted it in her hands before handing her own to Cherri. “Feel what this one’s like- it’s a little heavier, but it’s a lot nicer. Yours doesn’t even have a stun setting.”

It took him one or two practice shots, but within a few minutes he was shooting even more effectively.

“A hundred and FIFTY feet! D, did you see that?”

“I did,” D told her, glancing over at the youngest of their little trio. “Cherri, we need to get you a better ray gun.” 

The better ray gun would have to wait, though, as the next day, they finally found the last few pieces of equipment and things that they would need for the radio station. They had decided that 109 WKIL would broadcast from the news van Cherri had arrived in, since the antenna was already attached and that way it could be portable if Better Living Industries managed to track their signal. So a few days of fixing later, they had cobbled together a working radio apparatus that could broadcast at a range of thirty miles or so. It had taken a lot of swearing, banging around, and failed test runs, but eventually they had it figured out.

The very first broadcast fell to D, as it was decided he would be the main DJ, and he settled at the panel a little nervously. Cherri was crouched beside him, fiddling with the last few cords. 

“Think we’re good to go,” he whispered.

"Right. Here goes nothing.” D took a deep breath. “One-oh-nine in the sky and the pigs won’t quit, welcome to the very first broadcast by one oh nine WKIL, the rebellious radio station of the desert. I’m Dr. Death Defying, and I’ll be your usual DJ, keeping you updated on all the news from claps to raids to Mad Gear concerts.”

The script had been decided on beforehand so that he didn’t stumble too much, but he still had to pause to take another quick breath and steady himself. “We’ll be doing our broadcast at this time every morning, pretty soon after alarm clock radiation, and we’ll be fanning the spark of this desert into a flame. So tune in, listeners, for all the latest updates, weather, traffic reports, and the best music we’ve got. One oh nine in the sky, this is Dr. Death Defying signing off.”

Cherri gave them a broad grin and a thumbs-up as D fumbled to click the right buttons to get the music going. D grinned right back, and White Lily came charging into the van a few minutes later, brandishing the radio they had been using to test their broadcasting capabilities. 

“It worked! You came though loud and clear, even a good ten miles away, and you’re already getting good at this. I told you, you could do it!” She gave him a high five, grinning, and turned to Cherri. “And good job, soda kid! You’re already a radio station technician.”

Cherri laughed and high-fived her. “Wasn’t expecting to become one at sixteen, but not the worst place I could have ended up.”

They had tried to spread the word as best as possible about the radio station beforehand, so D knew there had been a fair amount of killjoys already listening to the first broadcast. And word travelled quickly in the desert, so he didn’t doubt their listener base would grow over the years. But for now, the rebellion was small, and the twenty-one-year-old leader and her two best friends were heading inside for a celebratory breakfast of power pup.

[vanillajunmyeon]

I'm getting overexcited over something that has not happened yet, I love my brain. I mean, I have every reason to be but being that excited might be too much...