#I have always been wordy but this is the longest ever yet!

[kafkaoftherubble]

芥见下下你这熊孩子，这星期葫芦里卖的到底是什么药？！ 

Note: MANGA SPOILER for JUJUTSU KAISEN. The length of this ramble should also spot a warning. 

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Two things happened this week within the same damn hour on that very storied Wednesday.  

One, my Tumblr account got terminated for no fucking reason. It just happened. Shits that had been on it--saved for those archived by reblogs--were gone. One could almost say my blog got an off-screen death.  

Two, Gojo Satoru got terminated, not for no-fucking-reason, but done in such a contrived way it was bordering on a colonoscopy procedure. All the build-ups from previous chapters seem to be for nothing. One could definitely say it's an off-screen death.  

Now that I'm making a new account (because I really need an outlet for my garrulous ass; I think the people in my physical vicinity are getting sick of me), the first entry in this new garden is gonna be about my opinion on Chapter 236, based on the unofficial fan-translated chapter.  

Look, I get it. Satoru needs to be taken out one way or another so that the rest of the cast, especially Yuji, "has something to do." I completely support having Satoru out of the game for the good of the story and its characters, and yes, death is one of the ways to take him out... and many other ways, you know? Fatigue. Grievous injuries. Complete Curse Energy exhaustion. Side-effects of his risky plays. Gets suckerpunched by Yorozu's gift. Suckerpunched by Sukuna's hidden technique(s). Kenjaku's intervention. Completion of the merger ("Ahaha! That battle was me using Sukuna to stall your time, after all, Gojo Satoru!" said Kenjaku calmly). The ways to do it are just so, so plenty.  

And even if death is the one you want, there are many ways to execute it. Begin Round 3 of the battle and have Sukuna deliver pressure to Satoru again. Show Sukuna gradually testing out his new epiphany once or twice while masking it with his "real techniques" (there isn't any real indication that Cleave and Dismantle are not his "real" techniques; his possessing other techniques aside from those two is a very reasonable bet though). At the same time, Satoru realizes this is some new and very dangerous shit he might not have any counter for. Have Satoru scrambling for a new plan to counter Sukuna's "real techniques" or even Yorozu's gift. Then, at that moment, POW! Sucker-punch Satoru with a successful execution of Nuh-Uh Take This Space-Slicing Cut, Bitch! technique. 

You can even slice him on his waist again! "I didn't know I would be successful this time, or I would have aimed for the head!" said Sukuna calmly.  

That was just me cooking... And I can't cook shit. I suck at it. But if there's any meager understanding I have regarding story-writing, it's this: you do not show a guy as "the strongest," with quick reflexes and thinking, incredible battle intelligence and creativity, and a purpose larger than himself--just to unceremoniously kill him off-screen and regal us with an "afterlife" dream that is also riddled with unsatisfaction (more on that later), and then tell us "yep no Sukuna is better all along."

You don't create a character shown with a plethora of jujutsu tour de force, who has an important connection to many of its characters and events, plus an outsized, established significance to the setting of your story like "modern jujutsu society's honored one" and "his birth forced the world to change"... just to execute his end like he was a side-character who has a day in the limelight for a fight that is ultimately "just filler," because not much has been achieved after all. 

.-. . … -

Many have already pointed out the power-scaling issues. There's this glaring problem of how Sukuna—greatly weakened and significantly punished—managed to one-shot Satoru, whose stats were basically refreshed from his consecutive Black Flash + possessing an insane ocular gift in the form of the Six Eyes.

If Sukuna's coup de grace was a fucking reality cut (he would have cut our manga pages and bitch-slap us if he could) such that not even the space-manipulating ability of Neutral Limitless could win, then how is anyone else going to do anything? How are they gonna jujutsu their kaisen?

Previously, we could at least point to Sukuna being significantly weakened by Satoru as a boon for the rest of the cast. Perhaps the only way to win this is a battle of attrition, gradually wearing Sukuna down or even forcing him to reveal his cards until it was Yuji who faced him. But how can "a weakened Sukuna" even be a gained advantage, if Sukuna still managed to kill Satoru (with refreshed stats!) in that very state? It means Nuh-Uh Take This Space-Slicing Cut, Bitch! technique is neither dependent on Sukuna's stats nor Sukuna's bodily fatigue. It means a 6 Eyes user as adept as Satoru can't even avoid that cut. It means even with refreshed stats and displayed insane reflexes, Satoru couldn't dodge this shit.

This isn't just OP—it's story-breaking.  

Side note: Yes, its OPness is comparable to Neutral Limitless, where no one can get close to Satoru physically. The thing that marks the difference, though, is that pre-awakened Satoru could get progressively worn out when he activated it without rest. Post-awakened Satoru no longer suffers from that because he learned how to keep his brain fresh with Reversed Curse Technique, 24/7. That's a gained skill and one he practiced after his awakening (albeit the manga did not show us a training montage). Sukuna's Nuh-Uh Take This Space-Slicing Cut, Bitch! existed between Chapter 235 and Chapter 236. The next time we come back to the fight, he's already executed it successfully and killed Satoru off-screen.

.-. . … -

Oh, but power-scaling isn't the one I wanted to talk about the most. All the other brains who give a damn about these things have articulated and explained their puzzlement and displeasure in more clarity and detail than I could ever, and I'm sure more are to come unless Gege's next chapter retroactively makes CH236 make sense (I'm doubtful on this one; Kashimo is already flying in for the fight).

The one I want to talk about is how this poor execution has fumbled the character—this specific dissatisfaction is less addressed at the time of this writing.  

.-. . … -

I didn't like Gojo at first. I thought he was as shallow and cocky as the memes made him out to be. I thought he was beloved because he's gorgeous, has a VA with known fanbase, and he's the OP motherfucker setting the ceiling. I love watching people simp for him because it's fun, but I thought he just wasn't someone I wanted to pay attention to. I gleefully partook in Gojo Slanders, especially since I always thought it's fun to riff on characters who are cocky as fuck.  

What changed my perception was two things:  

I rewatched JJK with my non-anime-watching best friend this March. She needed someone to explain things to her (since she has no prior anime knowledge and trope to help her, and JJK can be a bit hard to get sometimes), so I did. As I explained, I noticed and understood more about the story and Gojo himself, and my tone likely changed without my own awareness. It was noticeable enough that she asked, nonplussed, "Why the hell do you hate Gojo so much? You two share similar beliefs and even some traits!" 

Satoru vs Sukuna in the manga. I got into the manga side once I heard he's been released from the Prison Realm; I was soon treated with THIS. And Satoru was just... amazing. The things he pulled off were so cool and shrewd and clever and fun, that it didn't matter when Gege sometimes fumbled and Picasso'd his good looks--he just looked better and better in my eyes. 

Both these things combined made me look at him differently. I started reading up on his character analyses—which delighted me because there are so many Gojo analysts out there—and everything I know about him just made me like him more. Just like that, he became my favorite character in JJK, overtaking even Yuta and Nobara and Megumi and Yuji.

I've become completely invested in this motherfucker's character arc and the themes he represented. Most of all, though, I adore him the most when he's acting human. I have a glaring weakness against the Human Alien (the other white-haired character very high on my adoration meter would be To Your Eternity's Fushi), especially when their humanity is one of the focal points.

This means CH236 should have appealed to me. And it really could have. Satoru is being human! He's being vulnerable to his friends! He's even deprecating himself, which is (reasonably) decried as a massive case of OOC—and yet I didn't hate that at all. I always suspect that Satoru is wiser than he pretends to be and that he knows himself better than we were let on. He's cocky because he knows himself that well--and because he knows himself that well, he's secretly not cocky. He knows he always loses at the most important battles. He knows his strength doesn't translate to his goals being met, or his things going his way.

I think Satoru tries to do things he's not expected to do—teach as an educator; save folks, be it sorcerers or normies; protect the weak (one example: look at what he did prior to being sealed. Glorious!); try to be a reformist instead of just leading a coup; tries not to kill anyone who disagrees with him (he let those higher-ups live for quite a while)—because all the things he went through allowed him to know himself, including how little him being good at fighting can achieve. If he doesn't, then he really had no reason to do anything other than fight for the kick of it, right? He would have believed he could achieve anything via pure strength. So him doubting himself? I find it believable. It's nice to see Satoru finally letting his hair down and freely admitting this. It's... well, endearing. Cute, even. /...slaps my own face 

Him doubting himself after all the demonstrated feats against Sukuna?!  Get the fuck out of here. The fuck is he saying?! Sukuna was the one under pressure the moment they both lost the ability to perform Domain Expansion. Sure, he was banking on Ten Shadows to help him and so he employed risky tactics. Doesn't negate Satoru's tour de force in the slightest, though!

Had it been written more like an uphill battle—instead of Satoru delivering Sukuna's ass so hard the dude had to be denigrated into King of Frauds with Malefunctioning Shrine who repeats the "Mahoraga come oonnnnnnnnn!" tactic for weeks—then few of us other than the most stubborn stans would dispute Satoru for saying something like this. But that wasn't the case. Satoru's "voltage kept rising" even when he felt nervous at one point. If Sukuna had been holding back, and that was why he was so constantly on the verge of defeat, then all it really means is that these two really were equal. NOT one of them being "weaker" than the other. Why would someone who's shown to be enlightened on both his strengths and weaknesses, and is known for being a good judge of character and skills, suddenly be this wrong?

.-. . … -

Then there's the implication, mentioned by Haibara, that Satoru never had any loftier goal than to fight for kicks. Nani the fuck is that?! If that's really all he wanted, then man really went all that unnecessary steps just to do the simplest shit. The fuck is he wasting his time as a teacher? Why did he give a damn about saving normal folks back in Shibuya, instead of just going Unlimited Void and killing all of them, cursed spirits, transfigured humans, and normal people alike? Why did he set his duel with Sukuna at a later date and follow that schedule, instead of, you know—jumping at him right away when Sukuna was only at 15 fingers' strength? Why the need for an unknown-but-months-long preparation?  

And of course, why did he call the Principal out in his "afterlife"? Because the latter once mentioned how jujutsu sorcerers all die with regrets? Is Satoru implying that he had no regrets? 'Cause I find it hard to buy.

Is the failure to save Megumi, your adopted son in all but name, NOT a regret?

Is the inability to properly bury Suguru and mourn him NOT a regret?

Is the inability to witness your students becoming stronger and better-than-the-old NOT a regret?

Is the inability to see a reformed jujutsu society—or a world—that has drastically progressed beyond the shadow of the traditionalist and conservative establishment, NOT a regret?

Is the fact that you're leaving an unbeatable monster, who now learned how to cut reality (gee, thanks, Gojo sensei), in the world where your students and surviving colleagues + friends are, NOT a regret? 

你满足个锤子啊你 What's there to be satisfied about？！

The reason why I couldn't love the afterlife fluff, despite how appealing Satoru's humanization is to me, is because so many little things in it go against what I know about this character and his progress. What is being said is clashing with what has been shown to us. I just can't wrap my head around it. Suddenly all of those things I thought I knew were wrong or didn't matter. I suddenly find many of the story beats and themes JJK presents transfigured, and I no longer recognize or understand what's being explored here.

Have I been admiring a Gojo Satoru that never existed? Or is CH236's Gojo Satoru the pretender? Is this the sort of effect Mahito's transfiguration inspires in his victims? Because I think I know how it feels now.  

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If I were allowed to cook...

Yuki's dream comes to fruition, and Curse Energy is no more. Satoru's personal ending would be him losing all of his Cursed Energy and techniques along with everyone else. He can keep his eyes, but they sparkle no more.

He can no longer keep things and people at a distance from himself, but it also means that the gap between him and other people has never been smaller.  He has experienced being insufficient when it comes to fulfilling his goals, but now he experiences the actual weakness of being "a normal guy". What then is his strength? What will he be good at? Spinning pens? Becoming an idol? Does he already know what his strengths—apart from his now-gone-jujutsu—really are? Or is this the self-deprecating moment he's supposed to have? "Ya know, now that I'm not the strongest, maybe I've got nothin' after all. Heh!" 

And it will be up to us readers to judge if he's right.

...

......

...Well, good thing I'm not the cook, because I don't think I did a good job at all, haha! But hey! This isn't my job or my story. 

And that's why I'm not hating on Gege. 

Maybe the next chapter justifies this chapter. Maybe the future chapters retroactively make this chapter a step in the right direction. Maybe Satoru isn't even dead—maybe he's just temporarily taken out (oh, I've got a lot of copium). Maybe we're gonna witness another Satoru awakening, which I'll enjoy yes, but! Maybe it's Yuta's awakening! Or Yuji's awakening! Why wouldn't it be? These are two of the most selfless characters in JJK. And dude, these two awakenings will be so dope. Wouldn't it be cool if Yuta were the one who awakened so hard he healed his sensei from being 2.5jo Satoru back to 5jo Satoru? Wouldn't it be cool if Yuji awakened so hard that he... became the King of Black Flashes! 

And even if Gege did none of that and the whole story moved on from the death of Gojo like it's just another Wednesday or something, and even if JJK just kinda nosedive from there... It's still his story. He can fuck things up in the end and it still won't change the fact that he was the one who created Satoru and those characters we care a shit ton about. I had a lot of fun and brain farts from this series for years, which is even why CH236 is capable of making me feel genuinely disappointed. I'm pretty damn grateful that Gege created this story in the first place! 

But that is that, and this is this. I don't want to defend terrible execution in story-writing, and I don't want to rationalize shit as having more depth than it really is. I don't wanna partake in any "why this subversion of expectation is actually genius and you're just too stupid to get it" change-the-narrative campaign. I really don't like how it was executed. 

It's not that the character I like died. It's the way it happened.

Thank you for reading my ramble.  

[minisugakoobies]

Versus | MYG, JHS - Chapter 7

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, crack, enemies to lovers, Villains!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: mentions of weapons - blades and lasers, mentions of blood/bleeding, references to physical combat, references to kissing, references to masturbation (m), this one's pretty angsty, the sidekicks remain the sweetest, shifting POVs, Vitality has to deal with a sexist asshole

Word Count: 3.7k

Disclaimer: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Supervillain exes Yoongi and Hoseok are sick and tired of having their plans for world domination wrecked by you, aka Vitality, the world’s most powerful superhero. When fellow villain Jimin suggests a little competition to see who can bring you to your knees, they both eagerly accept. Now the battle is on as both men engage you in fight after fight to see who will conquer you first. Will you finally defeat these two, or will they destroy you - and possibly take each other out in the process?

A/N: And we're back! Sorry for the long break, but the holidays interrupted everything (like they usually do). This might be the longest chapter yet? To think I once thought this would be a drabble series 😵‍💫 I'm just a wordy bitch 😂

Chapter title comes from "Seek & Destroy" by SZA, which is very much the vibe for this chapter and the chapters to come.

Unbeta’d as usual. Please don’t be a silent reader! 🥺 My inbox is always open! 💕

Chapter Six ✨ Series Masterlist ✨ Character Playlists

Chapter Seven: The Art of War, Goddammit, I'm Drained

Jin knows a lot of things.

As an advanced AI system, it has access to all of humanity’s collective knowledge. It can tell you anything that has ever been recorded, in written word, in video or photos, in digital data. Nothing is out of its reach.

It also knows how lucky it is that Hobi is its creator. To think that this gorgeous genius, this gifted scientist, this absolute visionary poured his heart and soul into making Jin… well, it would give it goosebumps if it had arms. And flesh. 

Right now, though, it knows that Hobi needs it, no matter how much he protests otherwise. So as Hobi once again stomps through his lair, heading for his inner sanctum, Jin opens every door for him unprompted, dims the lights slightly to mitigate any headaches Hobi might have picked up while fighting (the man always seems to end up with a tension headache after dealing with Vitality), and releases a calming burst of lavender into the air as well. 

Jin prides itself on taking care of its beloved.

Hobi sheds his black body harness, removing all of his laser weapons as he continues to scowl at no one. A replay of his battle from earlier today is playing in his mind on a loop. Once again, he’d failed. He’d finally managed to fight you without having to rely on those damn power disrupters and he’d still lost. 

And then there was that whole… ordeal… with the kissing. And the strange sensation flowing through him from your touch. Just what the fuck was that about??

“Penny for your thoughts, love.” 

Hobi purses his lips. “Jin, please. Not now.” He strips out of his all-black combat ensemble and slips on an oversized tee and joggers. Running his hand through his hair, he musses it slightly. Gone are all traces of Dark Hobi, his fastidiousness, his sharpness. This is just Hoseok, looking soft and slightly lost. 

Jin’s electronic heart glitches in agony.

“I’ve prepared an analysis of today’s engagement if you’d like to see where things went wrong.” 

“Ha,” Hoseok barks a piercing laugh, one that manages to sting Jin even despite its lack of nerves. “I know exactly where shit went wrong. Expecting Vitality to act rationally.”

As Hoseok strolls into his command center, Jin activates all the screens, displaying the video captured from the cameras embedded in Hoseok’s tech. “Actually, sir, it appears that the fatal flaw in your plan today occurred when you stopped using your tech and chose to engage Vitality in hand-to-hand combat.” If Jin had a throat to clear uncomfortably, this is where it would do it. “Just like the last time.” 

Hoseok frowns, staring at the monitors. Jin’s right, of course. He knows he shouldn’t indulge so much in physical violence. If he would simply resist the impulse, he could probably finish you off so easily using any of his laser weapons.

He just can’t help himself. Every time he sees you, he feels this burning need to get his hands on you. It consumes him, drives him mad until he finally snaps. 

Until he gets that desperate urge under control, it’s going to be his downfall every time.

“I know, Jin. I fucking know.” Hoseok sighs, propping his feet up on the command console. “So I’m guessing your recommendation for the next battle is…?”

“Once you have her cornered, either with or without the disrupters, use your tech to destroy Vitality.”

“Right.” Hoseok rubs his face, and Jin wishes yet again that it had an arm to sling around its creator’s shoulders. “You make it sound so easy.” 

“I’m merely reporting the results based on a comprehensive analysis of–”

“Save it, Jin, I understand.” Hoseok’s so tired. When’s the last time he had a proper night’s sleep? 

Oh. Right. 

He sighs, sitting up and crossing his arms over the console. “Clear the screens, Jin. I don’t need to see anymore.” 

“Is there anything else I can do for you, darling?”

Hoseok ignores the term of endearment, lost in thought. Will he ever be free of the guilt of that night? Or will it haunt him forever? 

Maybe if he exorcises his ghost, he’ll be free.

It’s along that train of thought that he gives his next command.  “I want you to run a few scenarios for me.” 

“Of course. What would you like me to analyze?” 

Hoseok leans forward, resting his chin on his arms. For someone whose brilliance looms so large, he seems so small, Jin muses. “I want to know the most effective way for me to eliminate Vitality and Yoongi. Together.”

“Hyung, please. Let me take a look.” 

“I said I’m fine, Taehyung-ah!” 

Taehyung’s one of the strongest marksmen Yoongi’s ever met, capable of taking down any foe with any item from his vast arsenal, but truly, the deadliest weapon he wields is his pout. Yoongi sighs.

“Fine.” He lowers his head, allowing Taehyung to inspect the cut opened by your fingernails. It oozes blood as his confidant touches it gingerly, and Yoongi hisses. 

“Sorry, hyung.” Taehyung bends over his medical kit, setting to work cleaning and dressing the wound as Yoongi silently meditates on what an absolute fuck-up of a day it’s been. 

Once again, he’d been on the verge of victory. Thanks to Taehyung’s intervention, he’d had you cornered, trapped against the cabinets. He could still feel the dagger in his hand, aimed at your head. One toss was all it would take. One quick toss, and he’d win.

A thrill had raced through him at the thought of finally, finally defeating you. Not just you, but Hoseok, too. Honestly, that idea made his pulse jump even more. And then the flesh-eating bacteria escaped its confines, and Yoongi couldn’t believe his good fortune. You were seconds from being destroyed completely. With a vicious laugh, he’d pulled his arm back, preparing to deliver the death strike that would secure his crown, and glanced at your face.

That was his fatal mistake. 

Fear. So much fear was swimming in those gorgeous eyes of yours that it stopped his hand, locking him in place as the world spun around him. It was an expression he recognized from countless other faces over the years during his rise to supervillain status. A look that he usually sought out. Craved, even.

So why was it causing his gut to twist? He felt physically pained, staring into your terrified orbs. The urge to quell the panic he found there warred with his desire to win. 

He hesitated. And, well, he should’ve remembered that old saying. 

In a split second, he moved on instinct, tossing the dagger and saving your life. And then he was running again, without a chance to contemplate his reaction until he sat down and Taehyung began pestering him about his injuries. 

Reflecting on it now, his only thought is, what the fuck.

“Hyung, can I ask you a question?” 

Yoongi grunts. Sure.

“Is this competition worth it?”

Yoongi lifts his head, wincing at the way his wound stings with the movement, staring at his confidant. The other man’s blue hair is held back by a bandana, his gaze fixed on his kit as he organizes the objects, placing the items back into their proper spots, and Yoongi is struck by just how young Taehyung looks as he steadfastly avoids his hyung’s eye. 

“What are you asking, Taehyung?” Yoongi never has patience for avoidance.

Taehyung sighs, sounding quite like a weary old man despite his appearance as he answers. “It just seems that this contest has brought you nothing but pain and stress. How many times have I had to rescue you now? How many times have we sat here, you brooding silently while I patch you up? No matter how many brilliant plans you come up with, Vitality foils each and every one, and we return home to start over again. You know what they say about the definition of insanity, right?”

“Are you calling me insane?” Yoongi’s voice is laced with venom, but Taehyung doesn’t flinch. He knows he struck a nerve, but he trusts his hyung not to bite. 

“I’m just concerned. This competition seems to be taking so much from you.” His task complete, Taehyung faces his hyung, dark eyes wide with worry. “Maybe… maybe it’s time to let it go. Then you can get back to what you really want.”

That’s the real question, there. The one that’s been keeping Yoongi up at night. What does he want? He knows what Taehyung thinks he wants. The same thing Jimin thinks. World domination. 

But when Yoongi is alone in his bed, fantasizing, it’s never images of him sitting on a throne, ruling over all that makes him hard, have him gripping his cock, stroking so quickly. No, it’s usually a face floating through his mind. It used to be the same face, night after night, wicked eyes, dark smirk, whispering sweet words about forever. A face that used to lie beside him once upon a time.

Last night, it was a different face. Wearing an expression of hope.

Hoseok was always the impulsive one, giving in to his emotions so quickly. Yoongi’s worked hard to keep his in check. He’s only ever really given in once. 

Well, twice now.

He won’t make that mistake again. 

“Taehyung. I appreciate your concerns. I do. But you must trust that I know what I’m doing.” Someone needs to. “As for what I want… this competition is the way to achieve that.”

Taehyung blinks meditatively, absorbing Yoongi’s words, the waver in his voice. His hyung is lying. A tiny strand of dread works its way into his gut, settles there, twisting into a knot. “If you’re sure, hyung.”

“I’m sure.” Yoongi stands, muscles protesting loudly. He grits his teeth to keep from groaning in pain. “I’m going to win.” 

And when he’s done, and both you and Hoseok are gone forever, he’ll finally be free.

Tackatackatackatacka

The Company’s cubicle farm lackeys are busy clicking away while you stride down the hallway towards Conference Room A. Their heads turn one-by-one as you pass. You’d think after how many years of these weekly meetings, they’d be accustomed to your presence, but somehow every week you manage to electrify their sad little lives with the few seconds they bask in your radiance.

To these poor souls, you’re akin to a god, and you drink in their envy and awe as easily as you do the energy that pulses from the flickering fluorescent lights overhead.

Inside the boardroom, you take a seat next to Namjoon, who greets you with a nod and a gentle “Sup?” You nod back, not particularly feeling like making small talk, still smarting from your recent fights. Once again, you’d been on the verge of putting Yoongi and Hobi away from good, and once again, both slipped through your powerful fingers. 

You’re real fucking sick of the repeating seesaw games.

The CEO of your organization calls the meeting to order. You remain zoned out, nodding occasionally, smiling when your name is mentioned, but otherwise completely disengaged. 

“You okay, baby?” Namjoon murmurs as the CEO cues up something on the video screen behind him, droning on about Doc’s latest discovery of a new super in Bolivia. 

“Right as rain, Joon,” you reply. He looks dubious, so you steer him away. “How did your raid on LMLY Industries go?”

“Oh, uh, I didn’t end up leading that mission. Boss man decided to give it to the babies.” 

“He what?!” ‘The babies’ are the junior members of your org. Barely out of training, they’re nowhere near ready to handle a mission of their own. Especially not one where the target is a legendary villain like Jackson Wang. The man’s practically a mythical creature, appearing in nearly every story of defeat you’ve heard from other supers. 

Glancing across the table, you eye Jeongin and Felix curiously. They both appear to be in one piece, so they clearly didn’t lose, but you’d have heard by now if Wang was in custody, so he must’ve gotten away again. “If he wasn’t going to give you the mission, then it should’ve gone to me.” 

Namjoon shrugs. “Pretty sure you were on a mission of your own at the time. It’s not like you can be everywhere at once, babe.”

“Well, not until the scientists get the teleportation tech up and running. Last I heard, the lab suspended testing.” 

Namjoon grimaces. “Oh, yeah, they shut that shit down when Changbin and Jisung had their little… uh… body swap incident. Remember?” 

“Fuck, I completely forgot about that.” Seems like you should’ve remembered the sight of two of your junior teammates switching heads for a day, but it’s been a busy couple of weeks and these things tend to slip your mind. Thank god the scientists figured out they could reverse the swap by just sending them back through the portal. 

“Yeah. That was a wild fucking day.” The two of you fall silent as one of the officers at the table says your names, but he appears to be reading a report out loud and not actually addressing you, so you tune the meeting out again as Namjoon rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Speaking of the lab….”

“Vitality? Did you hear me?”

The CEO’s voice breaks into your gossip session and you sit up, startled. “Sorry, sir, what did you say?” 

The bald man eyes you suspiciously from behind a pair of thick spectacles. “We were just discussing your latest debriefing statements from your recent missions with Dark Hobi and Evil Yoongi.” 

“Of course, sir.” Your hand flexes on your thigh and you smother the sparks that slip from your fingertips in anger at his tone as you feel Namjoon shift anxiously beside you. You’ve never liked the way the CEO talks to you. You hate even more that you have to address him and all the other officers in this room as ‘sir.’ And of course your teammate knows both of these facts.

“General Ahn here wanted to ask you a few questions.” The CEO bows to a severe-looking older man sitting at the head of the table. His highly-decorated uniform speaks to a lifetime of service and victory. It’s meant to intimidate. To suggest power. 

Please. You could destroy him in an instant.

“Vitality,” the old man booms, “in addition to familiarizing myself with your statements, I have watched the videos we obtained from your body cams.” He’s referring to the tiny cams integrated into your uniform in your organization’s logo, a shield with a tiger’s head, and also in the headband you wear. “There seems to be some patterns.”

He pauses, and you realize he’s waiting for you to respond. “Some patterns, sir?” 

“Yes. In the last ten engagements you had with either of these supervillains, there came a point about halfway through where you suddenly end up completely at their mercy. Furthermore, in each of your last five missions to capture the wretch known as Evil Yoongi, not only were you on the verge of losing, but you managed to allow yourself to become restrained, tied up in one manner or another.” He stares you down across the table. “Explain yourself.”

You blink. Explain yourself? What the fuck does that mean? “I’m sorry, sir? Explain… “

“Yes, explain,” he snarls. “How does the strongest superhero in our arsenal suddenly find herself on the losing end against these two? Every time we send you out to bring them in, you end up on your back, or strung up by your ankles!”

His words seem to ruffle the others as uneasy murmuring ripples around the room. You notice the CEO shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Has he also noticed the strange glitching of your powers? 

Ice courses through your veins. You know the cameras captured everything visible, but what keeps happening to you can’t possibly be seen by others. Only the absence of the use of your powers might cause someone to question if they’re waning… but there’s no way they’ve caught on, is there? 

“I–I…,” you stammer for an answer as the general’s face turns red with anger. “I can only state that in each of these engagements, I eventually succeeded in defeating them.” 

“Yes, in the last ten battles, you did successfully overcome them eventually, as you say, but only after spending too much time and effort to do so, typically after causing more collateral damage than is acceptable, and on top of that, after all ten missions they both still managed to escape!” 

His aura is a disgusting brownish-green shade, pulsing violently as he shouts. You imagine that if you were to feed from him, it would just make you feel nauseous. 

“Well, sir, once I have apprehended the villains, I turn them over to our containment team, so any escape is hardly–”

“And then there is the matter of this!” The general waves at the CEO, who cues up a video. As the room around you gasps in shock, the kiss you’d shared with Yoongi fills the screen that makes up the wall behind the general. It’s a very close angle, shot from your point of view, but it’s very clear what is happening between the two of you.

“That was a distraction technique, sir–I had to keep the enemy engaged while I–”

He laughs derisively, indicating with a flicker of his fingers for the CEO to kill the video. “Oh, you certainly kept him engaged! You see this,” he turns to one of his colleagues, another crusty old man in a tacky uniform, “this is why we should stick to male superheroes only, because as soon as a woman is involved, all common sense flies out the window!”

A large hand lands on your tensed fist under the table. You glance at Namjoon, and he shakes his head slightly, gripping your wrist, silently urging you not to release the blast building in your palm. Taking a deep breath, you center yourself before reabsorbing the beam of energy rather than letting it fly loose in the sexist old windbag’s ugly face. 

“I can only apologize, sir,” you grit through your teeth. “I will do better on the next mission.” 

“I certainly hope you do. Because if your disappointing performance continues, you will be removed from active duty. Is that clear?”

“Crystal. Sir.” 

As the CEO continues the meeting, Namjoon turns to you, a muscle in his sharp jawline ticcing violently. “That motherfucker has no right to treat you like that. Are you okay?”

No, you’re not okay. You’re fucking livid. The nerve of that general, to question you! As if you haven’t devoted your life to this organization, giving up everything–family, career, love, everything–as soon as your powers emerged and made you a potential recruit. You never questioned your decision to join the team and become a superhero. 

But if this is how they’re going to repay your commitment and dedication, the literal blood, sweat, and tears you’ve shed for them… maybe you should. 

“No. But I don’t want to think about that ancient asshole and his condescending attitude any longer than I have to.” You frown. “Fuck, I need to blow off some steam.”

Namjoon sighs. “Blow off steam, huh? Bedroom or gym?”

“Both. Gym first. As soon as this meeting is over.” You pause. “Please.” 

Namjoon nods, hand squeezing your wrist again before he pulls it away.  

A roiling stream of thoughts churn through your brain as the meeting drags on. Most of them are worries about your glitching powers and what the company will do if they find out, but there's an image that keeps bubbling to the surface over and over - the one of you and Yoongi kissing. Thank god the general didn’t have any video of what happened between you and Hobi on the plane. 

And what about the look in Yoongi’s eyes when he’d saved you from that nasty bacteria?! You didn’t need any photos to remember that. Thinking about any of those moments makes your stomach eat itself. You try not to dwell on them, try to avoid thinking of the word for these feelings. If you give them a name, then you give them power.

How did it come to this? These men have committed unspeakable crimes. There’s no denying that. Yet at some point, you’ve gone from seeing them as simple shadows to real people. Complicated beings, flesh and blood, filled with every shade imaginable. Like the prism through which you view the world. 

As a superhero, you’ve no room for such nuance. 

Another exec speaks and you catch sight of yourself in the reflective glass walls. The face gazing back at you seems unfamiliar. It’s not just the unsettling evolution of your powers that has you worried. It feels like you are changing as well. And you’re not sure who it is you’re becoming.  

Namjoon tips his head towards you, and you immediately know what he’s going to say. “Listen, maybe you should go talk to Doc now? The general obviously noticed your powers fritzing, even if he didn’t say anything about them specifically, and if he noticed, then–”

“No. I told you, no one will understand.” And you don’t want to end up a lab rat. Not again. “Now please, just drop it, will you?” You never should’ve told him about what’s happening with your powers. The man wouldn’t shut up about it. You trust him not to tell anyone, but still, it’s getting annoying. Yeah, of course you’re concerned, especially since the weirdness has happened every time you’ve fought Yoongi and Hobi lately, but–

Wait. 

Wait.

Holy fucking shit, how did it take you this long to see it??

Quickly, you grab the pen and pad in front of you, the ones provided for you to take notes  (you’ve never written down a single word in any of these interminable meetings), and scribble down your epiphany. The subtle lift of Namjoon’s eyebrow confirms that he read your message. The jaw twitch means he’s ready to do some damage.

Those bastards. They’re messing with the wrong motherfucker.

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

Taglist: @nch327; @dearbambideer; @sabrinareadsbts; @babycoffeefire; @parkdatjimin; @reliablemitten; @yuugehn; @ut-dixisti; @hesperantha; @bonvoyagenoona; @hobi-love; @bangtanintotheroom; @youcancallmemeimei; @bbl32; @neverthefirstchoice; @moonchild1; @blueversaillesdreams; @nabiolive; @akane82; @seokjinger-ale; ​​@taeshuworld; @hannahbee12719ficrecs; @7minsuga96; @dvalitaes; @wonieclub; @miscelunaaa; @jinpanman; @minttangerines; @vyduan; @herecomesjoon; @augustbutwinter; @thatlongspringnight; @wwilloww; @xjoonchildx; @smasmashie; @acquiescence804; @itsirisz; @velvetskize; @bts-ruu; @aretha170; @justanotherstarlightmonger; @secretagent101; @yoongii-ah; @xuxibelle; @ddaeng-angmoh  

If your URL is italicized, tumblr won’t let me tag you! 😤 Check your settings!

[beaiola]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tags @smblmn and @apothecarose. Sorry it’s taken me a while to get to this, this is the first time in days I've been even remotely in the right headspace but these were some great questions to answer!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 39

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 592,570

3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Schitt’s Creek and I have a couple of tentative plans for Good Omens but whether they’ll ever get written is a mystery!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Like It Was Before

To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak

Weathering the Storm

Definitely a Thing

Through the Dark

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or Why not? Yes. While it might take me a while to get to them sometimes, I appreciate them all so much and my intention is always to respond (even if sometimes ‘Thank you so much!’ feels inadequate for how much comments mean to me.)

6. What is the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? A lot of my fics feature angst (what can I say – I love a bit of angst) but I can never leave them with an angsty ending so I would say none of them. A few of them have a rough journey to their happy ending though!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of my fics have happy endings. Maybe ‘To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak’ if only because it’s the longest and so the happy ending feels like a bigger pay-off after the build up?

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not really? There has been frustration expressed at some story details, particularly on some of my more angsty ones but luckily so far people have seemed to find the endings worth it!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes. I seem to remember someone commenting once that I often write smut with soft, tender aftermath which I’d agree with.

10. Do you write crossovers? Not yet. If the right idea came along I might do.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. I might like to give it a try, but I’m afraid others might find my sporadic writing schedule annoying. Maybe I’d find it motivating though, I don’t know.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? David and Patrick have a special place in my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don’t want to give up on any of them and am still hopeful that I will get to them. Possibly ‘Rise with the Roses’ is furthest away and has stalled for a couple of months now.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I’m good at angst and introspection.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I definitely think I’m too wordy at times and should work on editing down more.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I never have. I think I’d be afraid of getting it wrong!

19. First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter over on ff.net.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I’ve said this many times before, I think but it would have to be ‘To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.’ I worked on it for so long and was so proud of it in the end.

[satashiiwrites]

AO3 Wrapped 2022

Tagged by multiple people for multiple things but I think @radio-chatter  was the one who tagged me for AO3 wrapped (sorry I’ve been…uh distracted, busy and sick which has not been a good combination for getting around to inboxes or replies). Thanks for tagging me everyone—it really does make me smile to see people thinking of me.

Okay. So.  Tagging whoever wants to play along?  @monsterrae1 @tkwritesdumbassassins @missanniewhimsy @outtoshatter @elisela @muffinsandsweets @quietborderline @bwtch or anyone else.  No pressure. 

Works Published: total or things that got a chapter yeeted this calendar year? I have 21 works that have had at least a chapter published in 2022.  My total number of works (as of December 22nd) is 46 on AO3.

Word Count: Sadly I don’t track this from year to year so I’m just going by my total word count on AO3 stats page: 1,277,012. Which wow.  I am wordy. I am vaguely remembering I was right around the million word mark last year but I might be hallucinating that from all the cold medication I’m on. 

Hits: Again I don’t track this (both for my sanity and the hit my vanity would take on the wide margin swings for my favorite pieces vs things that are just in big fandoms). According to the stats page my total hits is 131,627. 

Bookmarks: That I made or others made?  My total bookmarks (of fics I liked enough to add them to my personal collection) is 1,009.  The total number of times my works have been bookmarked by someone is 2,487.

Most Popular by Kudos: Shocking nobody, this is Family, Familia, ‘Ohana at 1,373.  Again I do not keep track of my stats other than posts like this one. 

Most Hits: Also Family, Familia, ‘Ohana at 38,202.  It’s in a popular fandom with  a popular pairing. *shrugs*.  

Longest: Well…. Does this have to have updated this year?  My longest work ever remains An Andromeda Tale at 673,530 words.  If we’re talking this year… it’s FFO at 120,488 words (it beats out the Outlaw and the Cartel Boss by 15k published words—even if I think my unpublished word count would make Outlaw overtake FFO)

Shortest: Ha.  For once this is both this year and ever.  Blackmail Material is 334 words. 

Most Comments: An Andromeda Tale and FFO are tied at 127 comment threads total each.  Again, I don’t really track my stats year by year but I would probably say that if we’re just talking this year it’s probably FFO as I haven’t updated AAT in over a year.  Just assume I am wearing a very ashamed face when I say that. 

Fic that made me cry: er… none of mine.  I have been known to shed a tear or two reading someone else’s angst fic but I try not to emotionally damage myself while writing—ie I take a break if I’m getting too worked up. If we’re talking tears of frustration over how something isn’t working…. Yeah…. Um…. We’re not going to talk about that. *whispers: ALL OF THEM*

Fic that made me smile: All of them and yet none of mine. Cackle—yes, of course when I put in a detail that I think is particularly devious.  Sighs of relief that I’m done?  Yes.  Smiling…. Maybe. 

Gifts: 3.  Death, Rebirth and the Jackal for @tkwritesdumbassassins, Searching for Absolution for @radio-chatter and @missanniewhimsy, and The Marks We Leave on One Another for @radio-chatter and @quietborderline

Collaborations: I’m not sure how to wholly define this… if we’re talking co-written with someone I’d say zero.  However, the usual RC Collective server is often where I go to work out a problem I’m having with plot points on various works.  @tkwritesdumbassassins has been a sounding board for Jackal which is why it’s gifted to them. @radio-chatter and @quietborderline are as always my MReyder peeps and I owe them thanks on most of those works for allowing me to rant/rave about things until I work out my problems. 

Events:  MReyder week and Marrish Appreciation Week. 

Coming in 2023:  finishing one of my longer works?  Adding at least a chapter to all the new WIPS I added because of Mreyder week. I really need to finish some wips in 2023.  I have also been vaguely toying with a complete re-write of AAT and chopping it up into more manageable chunks but that’s going to be a huge project…. So maybe I should just finish some of the smaller wips first.  Promise Me You Won’t Let Me has about 2-3 chapters left which are 1/2 written so it’s looking likely for the first part of the year.  Also want to get a big chunk of To Follow done.  First quarter 2023 should see at least one chapter of FFO and I want to finish Mana’olana by spring break. I’m also trying to get certain things on regular updating schedules: To Catch a Fallen Star (Sterek Stardust fic), Outlaw, Cousin Harvey and Jackal. 

[runanadwiddles]

RUNS INTO YOUR INBOX AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT HELLO RUNA !!!!!! mayhaps can i request ibara + 34 for the kissing prompts …….. i am having a massive ibara brainrot rn ……. thank you so much !!!!! MWA !!!

HI HI HI DICEYYYY YOU WERE SUPER DUPER FAST AODSIFJAOPIDSFJ I TRIED MY BEST TO DO YOUR BELOVED JUSTICE!!! MWAH MWAH /p

34. I missed you kisses

Wordy county: 583

Work was quite the exhausting obligation, Ibara happened to be one who would fight through the exhaustion. He’s been working countless hours, never stopping for god knows how long now. Everyday you wait for him at home, but you somehow always end up moving from the dining room table to your room. How strange…

You sighed to yourself once more, your finger tracing the rim of the warm mug beverage next to you. How much longer will he take to come home? That was a question you could never answer for yourself because you yourself don’t know.

The once cozy warm home for two has grown a bit dull and lonely for you, and you hated it. You craved to be with him, but he was never home long enough to simply sit down and cuddle. However, he would always do the sweetest things for you, for example, leaving breakfast in the fridge or on the table for you with your coffee just the way you like it, or how he’d leave a quick note behind for you to take care.

The clock was ticking ever so slowly, echoing throughout the isolated home. You kept wondering to yourself, when will he ever come home? You always wanted to greet him with the biggests of hugs, but your exhaustion always beat you to it before you even could much to your dismay. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours, and there was still no sign of Ibara near home.

You felt your eyes grow heavy, blinking going slower and longer each time, soon enough you saw black, silence continued to flow throughout the home. However, that silence didn’t last long when a click was heard, ringing through the halls of the small home.

You heard the click echoing through the hallways, but you didn’t care. That was until you felt a warm feeling draped over your shoulders. You stirred in your sleep quite a bit before waking up.

To your surprise, it was the person you’ve been waiting longest for. You blinked a few times to register who it was, rubbing your eyes as well to fully wake up. The moment you recognized that familiar face, your eyes glimmered with happiness. Was this a dream?

“Ibara?” You gave a hopeful voice, hoping that this wasn’t a dream. The magenta-haired boy gave a smile that only you could see, “That’s me, I’m home.” You quickly jumped up from your seat, tackling the boy in a hug, peppering loving kisses all over his face. “I missed you so much you have no idea!” You gleefully smiled, planting another kiss on his lips. Oh, how you missed his touch.

Ibara chuckled at the sight of you, planting a long yet gentle kiss, never wanting to let go of this moment. He missed you just as much as you missed him, but work was the worst kind of obligation during this time.“I missed you too s/o,” Ibara whispered into your ear after the kiss was broken apart. The exhausted boy then laid his head in the crook of your neck, inhaling the sweet vanilla scent emitting from you. You chuckled at your lover’s actions before wrapping your arms around him in a comforting manner, planting a chaste loving peck on the top of his head, “Welcome home…”

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Fic Questionnaire

@ford-ye-fiji tagged me to do this; thank you. ^_^

How many works do you have on AO3? 106

What's your total AO3 word count? 395,897

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 27 fandoms, though for most of them it’s only like one or two. They are Akatsuki no Yona, Bungou Stray Dogs, My Hero Academia, Hunter x Hunter, Tales of Zestiria, Tales of Berseria, Tales of Graces, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Xillia, Tales of Hearts, Tales of the Rays, Professor Layton, Noragami, Pandora Hearts, Dai Gyakuten Saiban, A Series of Unfortunate Events, RWBY, Tangled the series, Doki Doki Literature Club, Ori and the Blind Forest, Vanitas no Carte, Genshin Impact, Kiznaiver, Boku dake ga Inai Machi, Kuroshitsuji, Ai the Somnium Files, and Charlotte.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “Pictures, Posters, and Tender Beauty”, “Plus Est En Vous”, “My Reason”,  “I Am Here, Too”, and “A Bandage for my Scars, and your Heart” ...Not surprised that four out of five of those are MHA fics, but I will never understand how that Tangled the series one I did got so insanely popular..... maybe because the show director himself acknowledged it. 0_0

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I try to, though I have to shamefully admit I pick and choose which ones I respond to. I appreciate every comment I get, of course, every writer does, but idk, I just feel like a broken record responding to all similar shorter comments with “Thank you so much!!! I’m so happy you liked it <3″ or something like that... Is that cruel of me? >_> I also feel weird responding to comments on my super old stuff, because aside from a few exceptions, I don’t really like most of my old fics anymore alkgklflkkl and I barely remember them enough to be able to give a reasonable response to comments on those. Instead I just put all my energy into responding to longer, more detailed comments, because with those I actually have more to work with to say back... But again, I love all my comments!! I’m really sorry if I don’t respond to your comment, it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful, I just don’t know what to say back OTL

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Haaaah, there are a few, but proooobably the most angsty ending would be in “Smile, and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun.” Since the thing is basically 12k words of agonizingly drawn-out All Might death... :’) Though I meant for the actual ending to be somewhat hopeful/bittersweet? and I surely have other ones that have more painful endings... But that’s the obvious one that comes to mind, since I’ve had multiple people yell at me for it. :)

Have you ever received hate on a fic? I can’t remember any instances of outright hate, but I’ve gotten some... odd comments every once in a while... Or just some annoying criticism that the person didn’t intend to be mean about, I don’t think, but that realllly wasn’t warranted. These comments are very rare though.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? Noooo way in hell lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen? ....I mean, not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yeah, I think I had at least one someone asked to translate into Russian, although they put it on FF.net lol

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No... I really want to though. Multiple friends and I have planned different ones, but we haven’t gotten around to doing any of them yet because I’m into different fandoms atm and also dealing with health problems that distract me.... My ex-friend and I had a major one that was in the planning stages, but then she stopped being my friend so it never got off the ground. :’) I’m still upset about that...

What's your all time favorite ship? Mmmmm that’s hard; I don’t ship that much at all, so although I have a few favorite ships, one in particular doesn’t really stand out to me as my hardcore OTP.... Buuut I guess I would say Snow/Serah from FFXIII; I love ff13 so much, it’s so special to me, and those two are just the absolute sweetest and the heart and soul of the game 🥺❤️ I haven’t written anything for them or ff13 in general, but maybe someday.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? I only ever have one WIP at a time, so..... Hopefully not my current long one, I am constantly trying to slap myself for thinking, intimidated as I am by it with all my ideas for it and all the research I need to do. :’)

What are your writing strengths? I think I’m really good at writing characters’ emotions... the emotions they show, and everything they’re feeling internally. I really like the stream-of-consciousness style of internal monologue I’ve started using within the last few years; I think it’s very... cathartic? In general I just think I’m good at writing softness, cause I definitely feel the soft feels rereading my stuff lol

What are your writing weaknesses? Motivation.... starting a writing session and not getting distracted.... ADHD.... what do I do. :’) Although I just said I like that stream-of-consciousness style I use, I often feel like I use it too much, or things get redundant, and too wordy and overwhelming, bah..... I’m also shit at just.... knowing things, like worldbuilding, but like, real-world stuff that everyone knows, but I’ve been living under a rock my whole life and not done a lot of things that are normal for most other people, so I struggle with that in my writing, which is why all my fics not-so-subtly eek around mentioning things like food and irl places and so much else, haaah.... now I’m got myself writing 1800s Victorian London; someone save me

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Ehhhh only do it veryyyy sparingly, like when a character is startled and might briefly revert to their native language, or something similar. I just did that in one of my recent fics, actually, and looked up a few Russian words, being super anal about getting it right.... and I still got a comment correcting my Russian, even though it was only like 3 words in the entire thing, with nothing else to say about the rest of the fic... it was a little frustrating :’)

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? Akatsuki no Yona/Yona of the Dawn. That was the first series that really got me into fandom and making online friends, and gave me the courage to try writing fics; I’m so grateful to it for that, and it still remains one of my favorite mangas <3 Ah, to be able to pump out fics as easily and quickly as I did back then...

What's your favorite fic you've ever written? I think it’s still “Manufactured Hearts, Real Happiness”, the sole Tales of the Abyss fic I’ve written. TotA is my favorite game of all time, and I wrote this for a Tales big bang that happened a while back; it turned out much longer than I ever anticipated, one of my longest fics to date, and pretty much exactly how I wanted it to be, which is always the best feeling... I was so happy to feel like I did my favorite game justice. :’) Now.... my dream is for my current WIP to become my new favorite, if I can pull it off right; we’ll see :’)

Uhhhh I’ll tag @sixtyfourk , @cenally , @arcane-palm , @kyoukalay , @magicmetslogic , and @evevoli03 , if any of you want to do this~

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

[jpegjade]

When the Party’s Over - Spencer

WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN???? probably bc drunk me is wordy. i do talk a lot when i’m drunk and it gets on people’s nerves. i just really love you guys. i was sad when i wrote this, really sad, and it’s the first “smut”???? ive ever written. so here we go frens and ferns. 

warnings: uuuhhhh smut???

________________

When the night started, you were at Rossi’s house, getting drunk with the team. It was right after a hard case, difficult on everyone’s psyche so Rossi invited everyone over to relax in the usual way. After pasta and drinks, most of the team was still there while Spencer offered to drive you home since you were not in the shape to drive and he was the only one who opted for water instead of alcohol. He was beat but he wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight. 

Spencer was being a good friend but he had his motives. He wanted to talk to you in the car. You weren’t so drunk that you wouldn’t remember the conversation but your inhibitions were lowered enough to be truly and completely honest with him so you were the slightest bit tipsy but not drunk. You were 100% lucid and could think for yourself but you took the excuse to drink some of the smirnoff you brought and keep going. 

He wasn’t planning for it to happen like this but you were being very outspoken to everyone at the party so he figured it was time to get you home before you were out of a job after calling Hotch, “Hotchner the Grouch.” They found it funny but Spencer knew that you could go wrong easily. 

“Spencer Reid.” You said, staring at him. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as I’m being right now.” 

“Okay. I promise to be honest.” Spencer said, a little nervous. He chuckled anyway because you were so adamant that he answered honestly. 

“Do you like me?” You asked, suddenly very serious. 

“Y/n, you’re my best friend. Of course I like you.” Spencer tried to give you an answer that wouldn’t expose his real thoughts. 

For the past few months, Spencer thought about you a lot. It caused him to avoid you a little bit but you wouldn’t let him stray too far away from you. You kept texting him outside of the team group chat. You continued inviting him over for dinner. You never relented on checking in with his mental health. You never gave up on your relationship with him. 

 You were so focused on his jawline that your hand worked by itself, poking his face. He smiled and made the turn into your apartment complex’s parking lot and parked. 

“While I appreciate the validation of our friendship, that’s not what I mean and you know it.” You said, very serious. 

Spencer looked over at you, nervous to answer. He swallowed and took a shaky breath. 

“Y/n, is it really important?” Spencer tried to avoid the conversation. 

He opened the door and got out, walking quickly around to your side of the car to open the door. He didn’t have to but he wanted to. It’s always what he did. 

“Yes, it’s important, Spencer. I want to know.” You bumped shoulders with him as the two of you walked to your apartment on the third floor. 

Spencer sighed. 

“Yes, I like you. A lot…” You and Spencer arrived at your door, handing you your keys. 

You just stood there, staring up at Spencer. You reached up to touch his hair. It was so soft… You wrapped your fingers around one of the curls and smiled. Spencer stood there, nose ghosting over yours. 

“Do you want to come in?” It was barely audible but it was there. 

“I shouldn’t. You’re not sober. Unless you just want to hang out.” He said, looking at his wing tip shoes. 

“Spencer, get in here. I have literally been waiting almost a whole year for you to say that.” You pulled him to you by his tie and kissed him. 

*****

It was tentative at first. It tasted like spearmint gum. Spencer wasn’t chewing any at the moment so you guessed that he had been chewing it earlier. You liked that. It was refreshing. Slowly, Spencer got more comfortable with the kiss and relaxed and got more involved. It was sweet and gentle and soft. You felt his hands in your hair and felt the gentle pull and you released an involuntary moan. You could feel Spencer smile, the two of you momentarily breaking apart. 

Breaking apart left you speechless and in a daze. It was almost like you were in a fog but your head was clear. You were more than ready to do what you had been thinking about with Spencer for the past year. Some part of you needed this release while the other part of you needed him. 

“So inside?” You said. “The apartment, I mean.” 

“Yeah.” Spencer said, just as dazed.

Getting in the door was a task by itself. You and Spencer tried to go in at the same time and it was quite awkward but he let you go in first. 

You closed the door behind you, pressing your back to the cold surface. Scanning Spencer’s face, you saw that he was staring at your lips. 

“Do you want to continue here or should we...” He asked, looking back up at your eyes. 

“You tell me. I’ll let you take control tonight.” You said, smirking. 

Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw nervously before licking his lips. You always liked when he did that. He wore chapstick but he never did it for anything other than a sign that he was thinking. 

“I haven’t been in your apartment before.” He said, gingerly. He smiled as you took his hand, guiding him to your bedroom. 

You grabbed your cat off the bed, putting it outside the bedroom and shooing it away. The cat sauntered around to find somewhere else to sleep. 

“Are we really about to do this?” Spencer asked, looking at you on the bed. 

Laying back on the bed, half of you held up by your elbows, you marveled at Spencer. The light from your hallway illuminated his silhouette very nicely. You could see the curves of his arms and his slender frame very clearly. 

“Do you want to do it?” You said, tilting your head a little bit. 

“Yeah, a lot.” Spencer said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. 

He had dreamed about this moment, literally, but he didn’t know he would be so nervous. He didn’t think it would ever happen. He never imagined you’d be laying in front of him like this. 

“Then drop the pants and I’ll drop to my knees,” You smirked. 

“Do you mind if we skip that part?” Spencer said not really in the mood for a blow job. 

It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, it’s just that he didn’t want to think of you like that yet. He felt like those experiences were for days where there wasn’t much time. Tonight, you had all the time in the world.

“You’re telling me you don't want my mouth on your dick?” You said, confused. 

You stood up, getting close to Spencer. You started unbuckling his belt and he audibly swallowed. He was nervous, not because of you but because he wanted this to go right. There was pressure when it came to something so intimate for the first time with someone. He felt your hands on his hips once you got his belt undone. 

“Shoes on or off?” He asked. 

“I’m taking my shoes off, obviously.” You said, already flipping them off. “Oh, you mean you. Well depends on what you want to do. You can bend me over the side of the bed, fuck me from behind, and call it a night. Or, if you want to draw it out, you can climb on top of me and fuck me in the bed. Oh, there’s also shower sex if you feel gross. Wouldn’t recommend it because it’s slippery and counterproductive to me getting wet.” You were rambling off some of the many fantasies and logistics that you’d thought about over the past year. You had thought about it a lot. 

Spencer kissed you. He just wanted you to take a breath because the more you talked about what you thought about, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about all the ways he wanted to make love to you, the more he just wanted to get started. 

“Spencer, please pick somewhere because I’m literally struggling to keep it together.” You said in a low tone. 

“Clothes off, on the bed, legs open. I’ve got you tonight, baby.” Spencer said with a little more confidence. 

“Yes, sir.” You said, getting undressed. 

Spencer watched you but at the same time, he got dressed down to his boxers. Staring at you, he wondered how you were able to stay so calm on the outside right now. He didn’t usually have the sex drive as high as this moment. His body was on fire with desire and excitement but he was trying so hard to contain it. 

You laid down in the bed, just like Spencer told you to. He flipped on the light and you protested lightly with a groan and covered your face with both hands. 

“I want to watch you come all over me and lose complete control of your body. I can’t do that in the dark.” He said, walking over to the bed. 

“Well damn. Look at you, Spence. Actually showing some confidence. About damn time.” You said, smiling. You loved confident Spencer in all aspects of life, not just here. There was something about him that made you...want to be laid out in front of him, completely naked like you were now. 

“I honestly don’t know where I want to start…” Spencer said. Climbing onto the bed, he did the first thing that came to mind. 

“What’s your line?” He said, kissing your inner thigh, right above your knee. 

“Fuck, uh…” You never really thought of it in relation to Spencer. “Just don’t kill me.” You nervously chuckled. 

More thigh kisses. You wanted to grab your phone and put on some background music but it was just out of reach and Spencer’s arms looped through your legs and pinned your waist down to the bed. His grip was pretty firm. 

“Spence, can we…” A deep moan cut you off and slipped out your mouth when you felt his mouth finally where you wanted him. 

“Hmm?” Spencer looked up at you while his mouth went to work. The vibrations sent shockwaves up your body. 

“Holy shit. More.” You said. More was what he gave you, slipping in two fingers that matched the tempo that his mouth set. 

You were almost there, Spencer’s hair firmly in your hand and his name tumbling from your lips like a prayer, when Spencer slowed down and all together stopped. 

“I swear to god the room better be of fire.” You said, gritting your teeth. You were so, so close and he was being a tease. 

“You’re being a brat, baby. I promise I’ll give you exactly what you’re looking for.” Spencer said, looking for a towel.

“Don’t be a wuss. Kiss me.” You said, drawing his attention away from his towel search. He was nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss him after he just went down on you. Crawling on top of you, he just stared at your features before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you. 

You hated breaking apart from kissing him, you really did. It left you in a daze, making the light seem a little too bright for your eyes. He rushed over to his satchel, digging in its contents to find the condom Morgan gave him for emergency purposes as a joke one day. Who knew it would come in handy. 

“Are you ready?” You asked Spencer. He chuckled. 

“I was just about to ask if you were ready.” Spencer went back to being a little awkward. He was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. 

“Spencer are you sure you don’t want me to help you out?” You asked, watching him shift as he got rid of his underwear. 

“I think I’m okay.” He said, blushing. 

“Okay well let me know if… Spencer, what the fuck?” You asked, looking down, between the two of you. “And you expect me to take all of that?” 

“Is it bad? I know I’m not like other guys but…” Spencer grew a little shy. 

“No, just work your magic because you’re different than most guys. Spence, just be confident because you are very special.” You said, hoping it helped him come back out of his shell. 

“Breathe, okay? It might be a little… Much.” Spencer said, lining himself up with you. 

“I’m fi…” You were cut off as he gently pushed into you. “Holy shit!” Was all you could breathe out while you tried to catch your breath. Much was an understatement with what you felt from Spencer just barely being inside of you.

He paused to let you adjust but it was tough. You could feel yourself stretching when he started moving a little more to help you relax. He took your leg and hitched it around his waist, making you gasp in shock. That was a completely new sensation that sped up your heart rate even faster, your head getting slightly dizzy. 

“Stay with me, darling, okay?” He whispered in your ear. 

If you weren’t all in with Spencer before, your feelings were definitely there now. 

The pace he set was slow and gentle, soft and delicate like he didn’t want to break you. It was just like you imagined it. Your hands intertwined with Spencer’s as he treated you so kindly. You felt pressure just below your stomach and it was like you couldn’t do anything but shut your eyes and let your body feel it. 

“Just keep breathing, okay? It makes it last longer.” Spencer said, trying to stay focused. His brain was going through the female anatomy but he wanted to stay focused. He opened his eyes as he continued pushing himself in and out of you. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable, taking his right hand and moving his thumb over your cheek. You looked so soft under him. 

“Faster.” You whimpered, the only thing you could manage. 

Everything felt nice, it felt comfortable. You were comfortable with Spencer. You thought it would be hotter, more dramatic when you would imagine it. You imagined him grabbing your hips and plunging himself into you until your body was exhausted and used. But that’s not how it worked. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, quietly. He was going faster and a bit harder, making it very hard for you to concentrate. 

“I’m…” You couldn’t think of the answer. You couldn’t think at all right then.

“You’re doing such a good job, love. Just relax, I’ve got you.” Spencer kissed you on the forehead before shifting your leg a bit higher on his hip. That ignited something inside of you that was hard to turn off. 

Your body was on pins and needles. You felt your body shaking as you held onto Spencer’s hand. He kissed you, soft and slightly frenzied. He was chasing his own release so quickly. Everything moved so smoothly between the two of you. 

Spencer’s body rolled into yours like the ocean, and you were the beach. His waves rushed into your shore over and over, filling you with pleasure you couldn’t find on your own. He was kissing your neck, marking you with sweet mumbles of, “I’m all yours.” 

“Spence…” Another instance of being unable to think or speak clearly. 

“I know, I know. And I want you to let it go for me. Be good for me and let go, y/n. I’m right here.” He said, kissing you deeply. 

Spencer pushed into you a little sloppier, trying to stay composed but it was a challenge. He wanted to make sure you rode out your high, which you were definitely doing. Your body was shaking and you were out of it a little bit as you came down. Spencer finished in the condom and kissed you so many times that you lost count. Your cheeks, your neck, your lips, forehead, nose, lips again. 

“Spencer, that was… That was nice.” You said, opening your eyes. He was smiling over you, shaking a little bit. You weren’t sure if his arms were tired or if he felt like you did. You hoped to god that he felt like you did. It worked out so well up to this point. 

He rolled off of you, standing up to get that towel to clean you up. He saw the bathroom door cracked open so he slipped the condom off and put his star trek underwear back on as he went into the bathroom and warmed up a small towel and grabbed a big towel. 

“I got aftercare towels.” He said, walking back into the room. 

You had curled up into yourself, laying down on your side, as you fell asleep slowly. You heard him come back into the room and smiled as he cleaned you up and helped you put a t-shirt on. Putting the towels in your wastebasket, he flipped the overhead light off and came back around to the opposite side of the bed and gently nudged you to let him hold you. 

“How do you feel?” Spencer asked, nuzzling his head into the crook between your shoulder and your neck. 

He felt so warm on your back like that, holding you tight. You felt safe and secure. 

“Spence, I love you.” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. 

“I love you too, y/n,” Spencer said, falling asleep himself.

________________

taglist: 

@i-love-you-green

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Thank you for tagging me @gallavictorious ! 🧡 It’s been a bit since I had the time or energy for writing, but it was fun to go back through things for this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

39

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,527,620

3. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Somnus Ultima (FFXV)

The Seven Soulmate Commandments (Shameless)

Royal Protocol (FFXV)

Unashamed (Shameless)

Lips Sealed (Shameless)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ordinarily, I do. I have a bit of a backlog right now that I need to get to. I’ve always been of the mind that if someone took the time to provide feedback, I can find the time to thank them. Unfortunately, that sometimes means being…months behind now. There will be some surprised people when I get through my inbox who’ve probably already forgotten they read my work.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

World So Cold, the first story of a Captain America/Harry Potter AU trilogy that nobody asked for but I had a great time tormenting the five people who read it with.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Honor Bound, the one and only “fix-it” fic I have ever written and will ever write. This is what happens when you take a fantastic concept, grind it up over years of production team changes and company overhauls, and throw together the scraps that remain.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I’m not really a huge fan of crossovers, personally. I prefer to place characters in a different setting, like that Captain America/Harry Potter AU trilogy I mentioned. That said, my only crossover was Cabin Fever, which…may or may not count since dreams are involved.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wouldn’t call it “hate,” but I’ve had a couple of people comment with criticism that I wouldn’t exactly count as constructive. I tend to ignore it and agree to disagree on our preferences.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Never. Not in this life or the next. Finding ways to avoid writing it in the Shameless fandom was difficult but, fortunately, I succeeded.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, though someone did offer to translate into German once. (That Captain America/Harry Potter AU just keeps coming back to haunt me today…) I declined since I would prefer to have the opportunity to check and make sure none of the meaning was lost but don’t speak German.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

On three occasions, yes. There was one I sincerely hope has been lost to the bowels of the internet, Royal Protocol with @irregularrogue , and (How to Break the) Alibi Armistice with @gallavictorious . (She’s got the link in her post!)

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

…To write? Uh. Well. I honestly don’t enjoy writing ships very much… Romance isn’t as interesting to me as other relationships, so I think I’ll cop out and just say if there’s bromance, I’m game.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I…think that I am coming to accept that In Pieces may remain unfinished. I stopped at a point where I’d actually be comfortable making that the official “ending,” but I absolutely hate that…I’ve simply lost steam. That’s what happens when you write fifteen lengthy stories in just a few months, I guess. Ordinarily, having detailed outlines helps me stay focused when I start getting tired, but the content and rapidly deteriorating coherence of Ian’s perspective has really weighed on me to the point where I took a break and never really recovered the same energy I had for it. I’m still hoping to get back to it someday, but whether that will actually happen, I can’t say. Good thing it wasn’t really getting much traffic—I’d feel even worse if I was disappointing even more people than I may already be.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do well with keeping a story flowing. I tend to write from specific perspectives and make the narrative sound like an internal monologue, which can limit the amount of information a reader receives but makes it fun to only show what the character knows. I believe I’m also pretty good at making ordinary thoughts sound a little prettier by using different words. I just don’t like reusing the same phrases over and over.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

In connection with the previous question, I can get too wordy. What I could say with one sentence can take me a paragraph to get out. Sometimes that’s called for, especially if the character is in a position where they’re rambling to themselves, but sometimes it’s unnecessary.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If I have a character speaking another language, I’ll usually put it in italics and indicate that they’re speaking another language. (…Like all the Russian in my Captain America/Harry Potter AU. I haven’t thought of that series in YEARS, yet here we are.) I don’t trust that Google translate will provide an accurate translation that would stand up to scrutiny by those who actually speak the language, and it can really detract from a story as a reader to keep scrolling to the bottom to see what the footnotes say. To each their own, but that’s my system.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter back on good ol’ MuggleNet Fanfiction. They’re all still there, too!

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

My brain…doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. I only write for fandoms that I fixate on, so there really isn’t any casual fanfiction for me. I’ve wanted to write Kingdom Hearts fanfiction for years, but it’s so compelling and complex as it is that I can never think of what I’d write for it and have therefore done very little despite it being my first and longest-standing fandom. Typically, though, the desire to write smacks me in the face when I consume something new and have that “oh…I need more…oh no” moment.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I would say it’s a tie between Somnus Ultima and the Light in the Shadows series (you guessed it—the Captain America/Harry Potter AU). While the former can be wordy and the latter is obviously one of my older works, what they have in common is that they required the most creativity. The rest of my fics tend to be canon compliant (or had better be for the endless research I put into them) and feel like playing in someone else’s sandbox. Those felt like taking multiple sandboxes, pulling them apart, and creating a brand new sandbox from the various pieces. I’m more proud of them than I can say.

I don’t really know many fic writers on a basis where I’d feel comfortable tagging them, so I send this out to just @glon-morski , @gardenerian , and @mrs-monaghansblog if you so desire! 🧡

[cross-d-a]

fic tag game

aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~!  ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤

OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)

Name: cross-d-a shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!

Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!! 

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Fandoms: 

oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha

Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!

Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!

My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou). 

Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things. 

I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤

But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it

Tropes: 

Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS

I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha

I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha

Fic I spent most time on: 

My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane. 

The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically. 

It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )

Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written: 

hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)

My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤

things we hunger for (Guardian)

My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.

the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)

Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.

 Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!

the whispers of spirits (dmbj)

My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.

Honourable mention to:

One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)

This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.

Fic I spent least time on: 

Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)

Longest fic: 

hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....

Shortest fic: 

Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.

Share a bit of a WIP: I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.

This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:

“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”

Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”

“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”

Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”

What?

Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.

He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.

Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.

But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:

“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”

Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.

Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—

“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”

The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—

“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.

Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.

“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”

and

Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”

“I-it’s true!”

Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”

“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”

“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.

Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”

“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”

Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.

aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse  @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤

Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[rosalie-starfall]

I was tagged by @lilolilyr

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A big ol 8! lol I only recently started getting into writing y’all 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

45,834,948 

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Top 5 of my whole 8 lol

Lupercalia / 249

Three Isn't a Crowd is it? / 163

You're Driving Me Crazy! / 122

Whole Lotta Trouble / 108

I Just Want To Reconnect / 90

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually do but not always. I like the feed back I like to know when folk are enjoying my stuff and I think it’s important to respond so they know I appricate them taking the time to read and respond.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think I have one I’m not a huge fan of angst.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

All of them... Well except the ones I havent finished I suppose

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not / probably will not

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can remember everyone has always been very nice and supportive. 

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

That’s all I write. 

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not by me

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

This could be the most impossible question to answer. I guess for writing at least I’ll say Madam Spellman. I have Zelda and Lilith’s Voices very clear in my head so they are easy to write.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Whole Lotta Trouble. I think it’s the only one thats just straight unfinished

15. What are your writing strengths?

Smut and Comedy

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammer and Spelling lol. Also I tend to get really wordy and long winded I think.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t have any. I guess if you’re gonna do it you best do your research. Currently not a struggle I’ve had to deal with.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Lost World. I was like 13 and I don’t still have the fic and I don’t remember anything about it but it was probably garbage as I had only just gotten my eyes figured out and had only just started really learning to read properly. (It’s a long story if your curious ask me sometime)

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Witch Wives!!!! I need to write Agatha So badly! I started a fic but I have barely dipped my toe...

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Lupercalia, I’m really proud of that one for sure But I am really liking My Twilight Roses & The Stardust Sands of Risa It’s currently the longest thing I’ve written and I really like how it’s turned out (She says still having not finished the final chapter!)

IDK who to tag! Who do I know that writes that @lilolilyr didn’t already tag. If you want to do this I encourage you to!

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[curious-minx]

Review of the first episode of The Great North (plus some sad Bob’s Burgers’ news)

2021.

I was going to begin my review of the pilot episode of The Great North, the sister sister series of Bob’s Burgers, with my trademark  snarky and slanted curlicue wit... Instead, I am reckoning with the headline of the death of Bob’s Burgers character designer, Dave Creek.

Dave Creek.

Type his name out and put it in comic sans and you can see it’s a name meant to be involved with TV. One of the rare individuals to pass away from something other than Covid-19 or our rising totalitarian government. The artist contributed to the show in many ways, most profoundly with the design of Lady Tinsel from the Bleakening, one of Bob’s Burgers most visually ambitious episodes to date. I am ill-equipped to eulogize the man like his fellow peers are doing, but as someone who writes and thinks about the Bob’s Burgers series it is impossible to not address his passing.

//////

The Great North.

“Sexi Moose Adventure”

Look up there! What Do You See? Nature and stuff Like a rock And a tree Oh, The Great North Way up here we can breathe the air Catch some fish Or gaze at a bear Wow! Oh, The Great North Here we live, oh, oh Here we’ll stay, oh, whoo From longest night To longest day In The Great North

An Alan Thicke bop or the wimpy Cheers theme this aint. A jarring theme. I had to transcribe it to lay it out in front of me to see how wordy it is, but to my surprise the theme song looks more concise on paper. Still, I am not sold on this theme song. Mainly because I prefer the misheard lyric of “Here we’ll say (it’s actually “stay”): oh, whoo,” digging further into the regional grunts.

1:24, One minute and twenty four seconds in and there is already a  little bit of winking scatalogical humor by the ever youthful Paul Rust, or as I am sure he’ll be known for generations, Ham Tobin, the middle of the three Tobin sons. Compounded within these first two minutes is a stylistic swivel away from Bob’s Burgers comedic well with a Brokeback Mountain themed wedding cutaway joke with real-world celebrity cameos. Speaking of celebrity cameos, how about a side character conversation with an Alanis Morrisette  constellation (and she’s a recurring character!) you’ve never seen that in Bob’s Burgers! In the first three minutes and thirty seconds we have two instances of explicitly expositional dialogue, the first is the cleaner introduction of eldest Wolf Tobin (voiced by Will Forte) and his fiance Honeybee Shaw who has just moved to Alaska from Fresno and helps set up the reverse All in the Family Meathead and Gloria dynamic. What comes next is once again another moment I can only describe as jarring when the inexplicably normal named Judy Tobin explains to Alanis Morrisette constellation exactly what is wrong with sweetly overbearing father. The reason involving a somewhat convoluted background story about the former Tobin matriarch's  abandonment of the family and Beef, the Tobin patriarchy, is in denial of this  fact. Beef prefers to live in the reality where no wife of his would leave him she could only have been eaten by a wolf.  

What goes on throughout the episode is what I believe is a cardinal sin of episodic storytelling: Making jokes and observations at the expense of an off screen character. There are already WAY too many characters being thrown at me and not once throughout the episode was I able to identify any of the characters by any names other than the name of the celebrity voice actor. Minute six and yet again we are hit with Honeybee  generating another celebrity name for a joke and I really hope that the writers develop more of a game for her. Oh wait a minute the episode reminds me again at the eight minute forty sixth second mark that she is in fact from Fresno. More diarrhea and fart jokes snaking their way back into the scene as well, but Jenny Slate has always relished in the poopier jokes (see: any of her stand-up, Kroll work, or Obvious Child).

At the ten minute mark there is a quality character defining joke when Wolf distracts Beef by pointing out an indoor potted plant in a mall, which causes Beef, ever the Nature man, to take matters into his own hands by trying to rescue the potted plant. Beef is basically a combination of the two Rons from Parks & Rec, the emotional frugality of Ron Swanson and a touch of Sam Elliot’s Ron Dunn Earthiness. Julio Torres’ mall juicer character is also introduced with a perfunctory but enjoyable deadpan exchange with the awkward Judy, but it’s the kind of performance Julio Torres could give in his sleep (and probably did).

The eleven minute mark introduces a character that I was initially pretty jazzed about, Judy’s boss at the mall photography store Alyson Lefebvrere (gosh I hated typing out that name >.<) voiced by long-time Molyneux collaborator, Megan Mullally. On paper, much like the theme song, a heated exchange between an emotionally vulnerable Beef and a character voiced by real-life wife Megan Mullally should be dynamite, instead much like their podcast it feels like a wet fart in the sheets. Mullally’s work on Bob’s Burgers as Linda’s sister Gayle is terrific and with the power of animation having her play an unconventional looking character really works to her advantage. Alyson’s character design is boring and conventional cartoon  attractive as she’s clearly being set up as a potential love interest for our leading Beef man, but the whole thing in execution falls completely flat. The extended 69 joke between Beef and Alyson is supposed to be funny because we know it’s between a real life publicly beloved celebrity couple. You cannot coast on innate chemistry alone! The setting up of the love interest isn’t even coy, we see Beef get heart eyes and drool over Alyson, which is just the most predictable and least interesting choice. A route this show seems dangerously flirtatious with.

Finally, at minute:second mark 13:15 we get introduced to a potentially fun and quirky sitcom character, Londra the neighboring fish mongerer. Voiced by Judith Shelton, an actor I am sure we all remember as Sally from Seinfeld and Angela from the Gregory Hines Show. Instead she gets instantly shut down and shuffled by in favor of advancing the plot of the episode. Moving on to the birthday party. Yep Honeybee makes another pop culture reference this time the Minions (it was Squidward last time, but I was too faint of heart to mention it at the time). We also find out in a forced confession from Ham that he is gay. I am glad the show has hired an openly gay actor like Julio Torres to play a bit recurring character, but it feels weird having Paul Rust a thoroughly heterosexual actor portray a gay goofball character. I feel like there easily could have been an actual gay goofball Paul Rust type out there deserving of the job, but this show does do right by having Dulce Sloan as Honeybee and Aparna Nancherla as MVP, Moon Tobin (Who I’ll get into later). Therefore I should not let this irk me, but clearly this show and I are not seeing eye to eye. In an era of gestures towards meaningful representation I would just like to see some consistency. Rust will probably go on to join the ranks of the many other hetero men who have also portrayed perfectly competenent and sensitive gay characters, but with gay characters should come paychecks for gay voice talent. In the end of this dead end debacle I much rather  Paul Rust have the role  and be spared the unimaginative Randy Rainbow casting. Back on track.

There’s a four square action sequence of the four siblings that also feels like the show attempting another stylistic flourish to separate itself from Bob’s Burgers. The episode, all one straight ahead single narrative, comes to a happy ending to also establish that the Bob’s Burgers sister sister series is also interested in being a sentimental sitcom to its core. An unfortunately okay first episode that got worse for me with a repeated viewing. The only character and overall performance that sticks out to me is Aparna Nancherla playing what is essentially the show’s Tina and  Louise lovechild of a character Moon Tobin, an animal identifying gender flipped peculiar savant-like child. She’s one of those comedians that I will always root for and appreciate whenever she pops up and I really hope that this show treats her right. She really elevates the material. Everyone else does just fine. The first episodes and first seasons of any sitcoms are rarely all that innovative or memorable so I am certainly going to allow this show to grow on me.

For the time being, this first episode of the Great North is deserving of Two Sexy Moose Antlers out of Five Forced Pop Culture References

[yetremains]

who would you advise interacting or writing with?

(( alright, this might get a bit long so I’m probably gonna add a read more. and I’ll be linking people this blog hasnt interacted with yet, but i adore reading their writing anyway. ))

(( first we have @sonxflight . Someone I’ve interacted with long ago and still love each and every single one. An absolute fantastic writer, with a huge amount of creativity and great AU’s. I respect and love em. Their artwork and their writing always blows me away. One of those I’ve known in the samurai jack fandom longest. ))

(( next would be @swordsxandxshadows who also runs @spectrum-skull and @lance-o-lot . Creative, excitable, wide range of ideas and fandoms. I’ve known this one for a few years now. You will never get bored. ))

(( @bluescarfvivi is happily one of my closest friends, long before I ever made yang’s blog. Mystery Skulls Vivi, but wonderful with crossover ideas, and an absolute sweet heart. I get cavities from her. ))

(( @nerv0usm3chanic is another of those from the mystery skulls fandom whose a close friend as well. You will absolutely have a good time with this goofball, and wonderful writing. A sweet heart and has had my back, i die fam ))

(( okay need a read more. ))

(( @bastardsunlight This blog has not interacted yet, but I love this mun! I’ve become a better person from them. They are such a golden hearted individual, and with such wonderful characters, writing, and ideas, anything you could possibly be interested in. ))

(( @curioosity is someone I’ve had contact with on and off, but their OC can be down for any fandom. Traveling about and all that. This character has been through thick and thin and will still keep going. ))

(( @goofymuses Another old friend of mine! Met them on a different blog, and they run a couple other multimuse blogs. Such as @reanimatedmuses and @cryptomuses . Creative and colorful! A sweetie soft heart that is down to clown! ))

(( now @kathexismania is someone I have not interacted with, but I’ve watched their writing and rp’s from a far. You looking for someone who has a tight grasp of characters? like mortal kombat? like wonderfully creative writing that snatches the eyes? This is who ya want. ))

(( There’s more I’d want to add but this got wordy too much already. ))

[xxmisty]

My Big Humiliating Torchwood Confession - Part 1 :P

Warning: this will be a LONG post, and i’m sorry about that! 

Lucy is sat opposite me asking me repeatedly if I’ve started typing yet because she knows how desperately i’m putting off making this post!!1

This is awful, this is.... probably the most embarrassingly intimate confession i’ll have made since the day I opened up about my fetish way back at the start of 2013. And on the surface of it it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but IT IS TO ME! And a big chunk of the trauma i’m about to express is tongue in cheek but it’s genuinely been - and continues to be - a huge bundle of DISTRESS AND HUMILIATION AND UTTER RESENTMENT!!! Because this year has been.... one hell of a personal journey and i don’t even mean anything to do with the pandemic.

It all started on New Year’s Day. I was feeling horrendously ill; the miraculous medication that had started to give me my life back had run out and thanks to the festive postal delays my new lot hadn’t arrived yet. I was in agony, I had a horrible headache, I felt sick and I could hardly move. We spent the day watching a bunch of muppet stuff, and that night we watched the first ep of season 12 of Doctor Who and, y’know, it was a pretty damn good episode (plus thirteen in the suit.... fuuckkk) 

So afterwards we started having a discussion about Chris Chibnall - we’ve long held criticisms about some of his writing (not all of it, but it’s a mixed bag) and Lucy told me I still hadn’t seen his worst writing because that was for Torchwood...

Which I had never seen. Which I had been desperately trying not to see, although I didn’t know why. I just always had this vibe like a big “NO ENTRY!” sign at the idea of ever watching it. It’s not as though I had a logical reason for it, it’s not like I’d read up about it and thought, ‘naahhhhhh, I don’t fancy watching that’. I just had a big WARNING sign in my head, telling me not to go there. 

Several years ago Lucy made me watch the first episode (after i’d been avoiding her threats of showing it to me for like 2 years) and like... it wasn’t horrible? It wasn’t... great either... but it didn’t kill me. Then a couple of years ago she showed me Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang because we were having a big Runaways phase so she wanted to show me an episode with James Marsters in. Again, it didn’t kill me. It wasn’t horrible. But I still had those big NO ENTRY!!! signs up in my head. I was still trying desperately to avoid actually being shown Torchwood as a show.

And the the new year happened and I was too WEAK AND DEFENCELESS to know what was happening when Lucy and I cuddled up in bed that night. I was too sick to really comprehend what she was doing or to fight back when she announced she was going to show me the very worst of Chris Chibnall’s writing... and put on Day One followed by Cyberwoman.

Oh. My. God.

All day I had been in a state of physical agony. Suddenly my mental and emotional state was far, FAR worse!!! The sex gas alien was bad enough, then by the time she put on Cyberwoman my brain was trying to shut down. I used to suffer blackouts and, god, I kept blacking out all the way through it, and instead of being her usual loving, wonderful self she KEPT FORCING ME TO COME ROUND TO WATCH IT!!!

By this point it was gone midnight and I was in a state of utter distress!! This was the worst double helping of tv I had ever sat through in my life and I sat up and let forth a tirade of absolute distress! This, I decided, had to be the reason I’d been avoiding Torchwood. Because it was more like.... Torurewood :P 

Yep, that had to be it. Couldn’t possibly be anything worse, could it? 

At least now lucy had shown me those two terrible Chibnall eps I would NEVER EVER HAVE TO WATCH THEM AGAIN. Or ANY Torchwood episodes. Yes, my ordeal was over. Had to be.

Nope. We went back to bed and she put on Out if Time. And i’ll admit, the story was much stronger but goddddd I had issues with the endings! And my level of despair started to rise even higher. I HATED Torchwood! This was the most distressing night’s viewing ever and I just wanted to go to sleep and be done with it all! Lucy put one more episode on afterwards: They Keep Killing Suzie. And that was much better but halfway through we finally fell asleep - so surely my trauma was over with.

Nope.

I had horrible nightmares of a very thirsty Gwen coming onto me all night, over and over again and it was HORRIBLE!!! Like, you have no idea how distressed I was! And when I woke up I blamed lucy whole-heartedly and she very sympathetically laughed at my plight!

But yeah. My trauma was over. No more Torchwood. I’d suffered the night from hell. Now it was time to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and move on! My medication arrived that day, I started work on some new pet portraits and life went back to normal.

Until that night, when I saw the telltale sign of Lucy putting a video on and turning her iPad around and then there they were - the opening titles of Torchwood - and I wanted to jump out the boat and into the canal and swim as far away as possible!!!

But the episode she put on was Fragments. She said she wanted to show me Chris Chibnall’s finest episode. And y’know what? It was really pretty fucking good. And god, I was fURIOUS about that!!! When we went to bed she pulled a real double whammy though by putting on Adam - which became instantly one of my favourite episodes of ANYTHING, EVER. And I looked at my wife, shook my head, sighed and told her, ‘nice save, Lucy... nice save...’

Over the next couple of weeks we also had a major Doctor Who rewatch and revisited most of the New Who era, and - to my mixed feelings - she dotted various other episodes of Torchwood in around them. I was conflicted - after the Adam and Fragments double bill I was no longer in brain-screamy hatred territory. I did however keep having flashbacks to that godawful night. Plus i’d had several further nightmares about a thirsty Gwen and I did NOT like it! But by a couple of weeks into January I’d seen a fair bit of Torchwood. Some of them twice. 

Around this same time I’d started back in testosterone after not being able to afford it for the last 3 years. And then I started to notice I was getting some..... urghhhhhh..... unusual... and very uncomfortable feelings... about certain.... things... and characters.

And I started falling headlong into a great big gay panic :P

And here’s where the whole story becomes a HELL of a lot more embarrassing so i’m going to put it under a read more :P

Did ya click on that read more? Wh-why? there’s nothing to see here... especially not a long tale of shame and distress :P ugggghhhhhhh ok, FINE;

Basically there were two things happening at the same time. One was that I started to feel something I hadn’t felt in two decades. When I was a kid/teen we didn’t have the phrase ‘hyperfixation’ so I just called them obsessions. I always had obsessions, at any given point there was always this ONE THING that was my entire life. i lived it, breathed it, became it. It was my whole world, my whole personality, my focus, my lifeline. 9 times out of 10 it would be a tv show. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I would generally change my obsession about once a month. There were several ‘usual suspects’ that would cycle around over and over - Red Dwarf, The Brittas Empire, Sonic the Hedgehog, Halfway Across the Galaxy, Parallel 9, Out of this World... 

late in 1995 I became obsessed with The X Files and - bizarrely - that obsession just ran and ran. I was so used to my obsession changing around once every month that it was bizarre to still be absolutely hyperfixated on it almost 9 months later. And then, in June 1996, my longest ever obsession took its place, a little known uk fantasy show called Bugs. 

That... was my longest running obsession. And oh my god, was I ever obsessed with it. I have no idea how that one obsession kept going for 3 years. i’m sorry this is particularly wordy but this is kind of personal and I want to explain this right.

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll probably known that one of the most defining moments of my life happened in the summer of ‘98. My cousin’s husband sexually assaulted me and my life spiralled into total despair. While that night was bad enough, the slow breakdown I went through over the course of the year that followed was harder to recover from. And eventually I came out the other side to some degree but i’d lost my love of three things that made me the person I was: writing, drawing and being obsessed. All three were so closely entangled with that night and surviving afterwards that it changed something that had always been a fundamental part of me.

I was no longer able to feel obsession. To hyperfixate the way I previously had. It was like something was broken inside me. And that was like a loss unto itself. It was SUCH a big part of me. It had been the only way i’d survived years of depression when I was young. My obsessions were what kept me afloat. 

In the last decade there are a few things that I called ‘obsessions’ and I thought were as close as I would ever get to the way I used to feel. I thought maybe it was because i’d ‘grown up’ (pah). That’s not to say that i wasn't thoroughly into Ashes to Ashes, FNAF and Homestuck, for example, because of course I was! I even called them obsessions, but there was something that just... wasn’t the same, no matter what I did.

And over time, I got back the other things I’d lost. I started writing my A2A fics in 2010 and Lucy helped me to start drawing again in 2018 and god, both times it was like finally having a piece of myself returned after so long! As for my ‘obsessions’, I just thought I wasn't able to feel the way I used to because I wasn’t a kid any more.

But then, I thought that about Christmas Eve too, and then lucy came into my life <3

Still, the last thing I was expecting was... for *those* feelings to start sneaking back in my life. Feelings I hadn’t been able to experience since the summer of 1998-9. And to my further distress I discovered that they were relating to a certain show that I’d had a traumatising introduction to on new year’s day...

Suddenly it was all I could think about; TORCHWOOD! TORCHWOOD! Aargghhhhh and yet I still hated it! It was still awful! And yet... at the same time... it was so goooooooood.... arghhhhh, every time we watched an episode there was a  knife twisting in my guts, reminding me that I hadn’t even felt these feelings over things we’d been HUGELY into... the fandoms we’d met through, the fandoms we discovered together. Nope. It was Torchwood that brought back my ability to hyperfixate! And I have SO MANY ANGRY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!

And believe me, I kept thinking it was going to stop and go away BUT IT HASN’T! It’s only gotten worse! And as of yesterday Torchwood officially became my second  longest obsession ever!!!

I. AM. FURIOUS!!!

It’s... urrghhhh I hate this fact but it’s almost like I have a crush on the *show*??!!! I... can’t explain it better than that??? It’s like, if I could throw Torchwood on the bed and make sweet, sweet love to it I would :P and yeah, i’m saying all of this tongue in cheek but i’ve had a fucking sky high libido ever since I went back on T (ohhhhh and believe me I am LOVING it!!! 💙💙💙) But it’s like... there are elements of Torchwood itself that are so fucking hot that I get.... reactions that I am SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED ABOUT for so many reasons deidjdhdggjhaaahhhhhhhhh

Lucy literally only has to say ‘Torchwood’ at me and I end up in a gibbering heap half the time - I am not even kidding!!!

This, however, is NOT the worst thing that happened as a result of Lucy making me watch this god damned show.

But honestly this post has gone on WAY too long already so i’m going to save that for part 2.

Oh god... my shame.... my total and utter shame....

To be continued :P

[friendlyneighborhoodborg]

Marc Appreciation Week 2019| Day 5: Blush| “An Unchanging Face”

Am I even using the prompt anymore?  I wrote this to be the one chapter in which Marc DOESN’T BLUSH.

Also, this might be the longest one.  I didn’t pace this very well, and I am unfortunately very wordy.  If you haven’t noticed, I tend to use long words and longer sentences.

Disclaimers were on Day 1.  For those of you who are confused, this is actually part of a larger story, so... I should probably get the links for that set up.

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

(Don’t ask me how the fiddle this happened it, but it’s ~3700 bloody words.  I can’t pace a story to save my life.)

           Marc crept silently to the back of the school.  Rose was waiting there with a small case.

           “Are you sure about this?” he asked her.

           “Nope.”  She held up a sponge and a bottle of makeup.  “Let’s do this.”

           He slammed the bathroom door shut behind him, hunched over the toilet, and only barely managed to keep from hurling up his guts.

           It had seemed like such a good plan to Marc at first: one that seemed like it might finally resolve his confusion. Look like a girl, and go through the day looking like a girl, and soon enough he’d feel like it.  Rose had been very thorough with the makeover, extending his coal-black hair to back-length, liberally applying pale foundation, colorful contour, and, most damning of all, dark blush and ruby-red lipstick.

           “She” made it halfway through first period before the pressure started to blow.

           “I can’t do this,” Marc mumbled in his half-crazy stupor, tugging at the… no, “her” stupor, tugging at “her” extensions in “her” hair.  With an effort, he tried to shove “she” into his head, but it was no use.  The “he” wouldn’t budge.

           He wasn’t a girl, even though he now looked like one.

           Rose was wrong.  He was wrong.  That’s all he was: he was just wrong, and he would never, ever be right.

           He bolted out of the stall, grabbed a paper towel and stuck his face in the sink, barely wincing as the water and eyeliner stung his corneas. He attacked the face with the towels: no more lipstick, no more liner, foundation, contour, no more fucking blush!  Everything remotely girly needed to get the hell off his damn face now.  He scrubbed until his face had turned red, and, with a cry of rage, he ripped the extensions out of his hair.

           He couldn’t tell whether the red shade on his eyes was from irritation, force, or anger, but at least they weren’t on some girl’s face.  Of course, Marc couldn’t go back to class like this.

           Taking a deep breath, he resolved that it was better to do what he had always done.

           Ignore the pains, force them down, and keep being normal.  No one needed to see his emotions.

           He looked once again at himself in the mirror, his face for once devoid of makeup.  But it could have been worse.

           Five minutes later, once he decided he could go back, he looked at the door and saw that he had stumbled into the boy’s restroom.

           Marc sat numbly through the rest of his school day. He’d limped back into first period looking like his usual dour self, and none of his classmates had commented on his earlier freak-out.  Mrs. Mendeliev, thankfully showing some decency, didn’t offer punishment.

           Marc refused to change his face after that.  Better let everything stay inside, where he didn’t have to acknowledge it, so no one could make fun of him for crying.  Because, of course, that’s the only thing his emotions would ever let him do at this point.

           He could try forever and nothing would work, and he’d be doomed to sit on the fence, torn between the extremes that plagued him.

           Nothing worked.

           “Dude!”  A voice called him out of his stupor.  In his fugue state, his day had gone by so quickly that it was already lunchtime.  Without noticing, he had drifted into the empty art room, and it looked like Nath’s friend Alix had followed him.  “Oh, thank goodness you didn’t kill yourself, man.” It was an odd way to greet an associate, and Marc realized why she used it.

           “How much did Rose tell you?”

           “Enough to piss me off.”  She threw her hat onto a table, grabbed his head by the sides, and surveyed the damage.  “You’re not wearing makeup.  I take that means it didn’t work.”

           “No,” he mumbled voicelessly. “It didn’t.”  ‘Nothing ever did,’ he thought, but he kept from saying this out loud, for fear that he might let something else out with it.

           “Oh, that just figures,” she steamed.  “You should have told us.  All of us.”

           “I’m sorry.”  ‘But it’s not like you could do anything.’

           “I’m not angry.  I’m just disappointed.  Not at you, I mean, you wouldn’t have known.” Alix gripped Marc’s shoulders, gnashing her teeth.  “But Rose really should have known better.”

           “It’s not Rose’s fault,” he defended, because it was the least he could do for her.  “I’m the freak that no one knows what to do with.”

           “That may be.”  She stormed towards the window, gesturing outside with one hand as she pulled on her hair with the other.  “But she’s the one who tries to be too helpful all the time.  She won’t take no for an answer if she thinks someone needs her help.  And her idea of ‘help’ is maybe a little too optimistic, so the kind she does suggest usually has a very slim chance of working.  Basically, I’m sorry you ended up listening to her.”

           “What’s the difference!?” he snapped.  “Nothing’s ever going to work!  I’m not going to fix myself!  I can’t be a girl when I’m supposed to be, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to…”  He stomped to the center of the room.  “I can’t do anything.  Look, just give up on me, and Nathaniel can find someone else to finish the comic, and they’ll do a hell of a lot better than me cause at least they won’t fall apart on the first!  Fucking!  Thing!!!” With that, Marc dropped to the floor in a crouch, facing away from Alix, and dipped his head under his shoulders.

           Alix should have just walked away.  He was a lost cause, one that didn’t want her pity, and he should’ve just been left alone.  Contrary to Alix’s assessment earlier, he didn’t have any intention of killing himself quickly.  He’d saved more people unnecessary grief over his sake, and still achieve the end result if he just left instead.  He could leave quietly, and it would be like he was never there.

           “Rose is right,” Alix said instead.  “About one thing.”  Marc didn’t move.  “Living openly like this shouldn’t be this big damn clusterfuck, but it is, because society hasn’t caught onto the fact that we’re real yet, so we’re screwed over before we know what’s happened to us.”

           He didn’t change.

           “Because of that, we all find ourselves struggling to find something to smile about.  And us kids especially, because now’s the point in our lives where everyone is telling us what we have to be.  Sometimes just knowing what you are, and knowing that it’s something real that other people have to go through…  sometimes that’s all you can do, and sometimes that’s enough.”  She stamped her foot, becoming more worked up.  “And she’s got this idea that it’s not something people have to hide, and that they shouldn’t hide it.  She’s only right on one of those counts… But not all of us can have a life like hers.  LGBT is only four letters, and they’re the only four letters most people know.  And some people aren’t as forgiving.”

           There was some other story behind Alix’s words. Something in it… almost stirred in Marc. Marc loved stories, usually, but he felt like this was one he shouldn’t touch.

           “How many?” asked Marc suddenly, not lifting his head.

           Alix waited.

           “How many letters are there?”

           Alix grimaced.  “Too many to count.  And only those four get top billing.”  She crouched to his level.  “Unfortunately, not everything can fit into those categories.  Sometimes it’s so much harder to know what you are.  But that’s how you have to start, and that’s all you need to do to start.  I mean, know who you are.”

           “I don’t.”

           “Well…”  Alix cut to the chase.  “Did you ever think to check?”

           “Look?” Marc’s head shot up, frustration evident in his furrowed brow.  “What do you mean look?”

           “You experience dysphoria, Rose told me that much. But not all the time, sometimes you identify as male, female, or something else.”  She tapped the floor patiently.  “At least, that’s how I heard it.  Is it right? Now did you ever think to look those symptoms up?”

           They sat in silence for several minutes as Alix’s question bored into Marc’s brain.

           “I think I did,” he admitted.  “A long while back, I thought about it.  I talked myself out of it and never brought it up again. I thought someone might come and read over my shoulder, or my parents would look at my history.”

           “Have they…”  Alix stared incredulously.  “Do your parents actually do that?  Look at your history?”

           He paused.  “I don’t know,” he whispered.  “Maybe?”

           “Marc…” she sighed.  “Never mind, I already looked it up anyway.”  She pulled out her phone.  “Genderqueer, we’re pretty sure, right?  That’s what’s supposed to be covered by the ‘T’ in LGBT- for transgender.”  She gestured in no particular direction.  “To most people, that just means identifying with the gender opposite to yours, but the definition is actually a lot bigger.”

           “How?”

           “How many genders do you think there are?”

           “Uhhh… two?”

           “Okay,” she said, pulling him off the ground and depositing him on a beanbag chair.  “Sit up, let me learn you something.”  She opened her phone to a webpage.  “Well, I don’t know if I’m actually qualified to give a dissertation on this, but I’ll try. Gender isn’t really black-and-white, it’s more on a spectrum.  Modern science has proven this, it’s been out in the open for years.”  She continued the talk, glancing down at her phone every once in a while for guidance.  “Most people identify closely with the gender that corresponds to what they were assigned at birth.  Some identify with the opposite gender.  That’s a binary transgender.”

           Making sure Marc was caught up with that, she continued.  “Some people identify with something else, in between or disconnected from the ends. They might be more feminine or more masculine, they might identify as both male and female, or they might have no actual sense of their own gender.  These people are ‘non-binary’ transgender, and there’s a whole bunch of other categories in that, and I don’t really have time to get through them all.”

           “Wait…” Marc stopped her.  “Why are you doing this?  What are you even doing?”

           “To put it in terms you’ll understand?  You need the right word.  Badly.”  She put away her phone.  “Let’s just say I know what that feels like.”

           “You’re telling me I’m… that’s there’s actually…” At a loss for words, he only pointed at himself.

           Alix nodded.  “I found… well, gender’s a spectrum, and there are some people who sort of bounce around that spectrum.  Their gender isn’t fixed, it changes from day to day, even over the course of the day. And they do still get dysphoria sometimes, I checked.”  She paused, making sure Marc heard.  “They’re called ‘gender-fluid.’”

           Gender… fluid.

           Gender… fluid?

           The word fluid, as Marc knew it, meant gaseous or liquid. Shifting, retaining mass, but with the capacity to change in volume when referring to a gas.  As a liquid, a fluid has a fixed mass and volume, but unfixed structure, filling available space in its container.

           Gender… fluid.

           Fluid in regards to gender.  Gender changing volume and form to fit some container… himself?

           That sounded so… promising.

           No.  It couldn’t be that simple, right?  Could it be there was actually a word for his type of wrong?

           “Marc?”  Alix nudged him.  “You okay, bud?”

           Marc’s expression didn’t change.  He answered as honestly as he could.  “Uhhh, I don’t know.”

           “I need to know, before we get our hopes up…” She looked him square in the eyes and asked, iron laced into her voice, “Does that sound right to you?”

           “I don’t know,” he repeated.

           “Okay.”  She nodded. “I guess you don’t have to.  Well,” she tilted her head sympathetically.  “Just keep it in mind.  I mean, this is a pretty accepting, patient neighborhood.  You can take as much time as you need to get comfortable.”

           “Thank you.”  And then he said, “What did you mean?”

           “About?”

           “You said I needed a right word?  And you knew how that felt?”  He looked at her inquisitively. “What did that mean?”

           For a moment, Marc thought she was going to break something.  But then, Alix’s face mellowed into something more… acquiescing.

           “I wasn’t always this friendly,” she admitted.  “I would go so far as to say… I was an absolute shit.  Stop laughing.”  He wasn’t, though he had considered it.  “I was looking at everyone who had someone they called their own.  I watched them stumble over themselves like they had something to prove, even to their ruin.  And I couldn’t see why.”  She rubbed her eyes, and for a second, some freak trick of the light must have happened, because Marc almost thought he saw tears welling up.  “I don’t know why Nathaniel stuck around me.  But he was pretty much the only one who kept me from physically hurting people.  Cause as far as I knew, either the whole world was completely batshit crazy or I was, and that just made me angry.” Her fists clenched tight, her eyes shut. “I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy.  And he was that someone for me.”

           “I’m sorry.”

           “Forget about it.”  She sniffed.  No, he was sure this time, Alix was actually showing an emotion!  “Anyway… Nate cares about you a hell of a lot, Shakespeare.”  She looked at him, half-threatening and half-impressed.  “He doesn’t do that lightly.  He doesn’t talk, or smile, or laugh with anyone as much as he does with you and me.  Like hell I’m letting one of the people he cares about go through what I did.”

           Marc couldn’t believe his eyes.  He wasn’t aware the skater could be this vulnerable, and yet still simultaneously command respect.

           After everything Nathaniel had done for him…

           After Alix had laid her heart bare after he snapped at her…

           There was no choice in his mind.  He couldn’t let either of them down.  For some stupid reason which Marc couldn’t gather, they both cared about him.

           “What do I have to do?”

           “Nothing.  You don’t have to do anything.  Well,” she held up a finger.  “No, there’s one thing.”

           “What?”

           “Relax.”

           “Oh.”  Despite the situation, Marc allowed himself to laugh a little.  “That’ll be the day.”

           “Heh.”  She leaned forward and clapped him on the back.  “You’re alright, dude.”  She stopped awkwardly.  “Are you a dude?”

           Marc had asked himself the same question many times, if not exactly worded that way.  Well if his gender did change, then it shouldn’t matter what he was before.  That thought scared him, but ignoring everything else, and just looking at right now…

           “Sure?”  He shrugged helplessly.  “I guess?”

           “Cool.”  Alix turned to go.  “I’ll keep my mouth shut.  Rest is up to you.”  She snatched her hat back off the table.  “Gonna need this.  I’m gonna go give Rose a further piece of my mind.”

           Marc had Nathaniel’s number.  He had never used it to call him, only to text, but tonight…

           “So…”

           “Yeah,” Marc said.

           “Wow,” Nathaniel agreed.  “Have you told your parents?”

           “I mean…”  Marc glanced at his closed bedroom door.  “I haven’t.  You’re literally the second person I’ve told.”

           “I’m honored.  Are you going to?”

           “I’ve thought about it.”  He turned away from the door.  “Maybe when I’m more sure.  I mean… they know I’m not normal, but I don’t think they know how deviant I am.”

           “Parents don’t understand half the stuff their kids can.”  Nathaniel laughed over the line.  “Imagine how mine felt, raising someone with Asperger’s.”

           “What?”  Marc hadn’t expected that.

           “Yep.  I mean, you told me your major malfunction, I might as well tell you mine.”

           Oh.

           Oh wow.

           “I’m likewise privileged.”

           Nathaniel laughed heartily.  “Thanks.  I don’t really tell people, but sometimes I get the feeling I’m obvious about it.”

           Marc could relate.  ‘I’m surprised you haven’t realized my giant crush on you yet.’

           Aloud, he decided to grill him for details.  “So, you have Asperger’s?  What does that actually mean?”

           “Well, it’s… it’s difficult for me to express my emotions and interpret others.  But it’s pretty different for everyone.”  Marc heard Nathaniel gulp.  “Basically, I’m… I’m in my own head a lot of the time, and it’s difficult for me to sort of see and interact beyond that.  Especially with people.  I’m not very good with people.  Communicating.  The works.”

           “Okay.  Out of curiosity, does the art factor into that?”

           “Started out as a therapy exercise,” he admitted.  “Then I just started doing it.  I use it to organize my thoughts, illustrate my emotions, and… well, some of it is escapism, probably, let’s face it.”

           Once again, Marc could relate.

           “I mean, my folks are pretty much used to my crazy.  So, like, if your parents kick you out, I don’t think mine would be opposed to harboring a fugitive.”

           “See?”  Marc assured. “You can be clever.”

           “Sometimes.”  He could almost hear the smile.  “We’re both deviants.”

           “Yeah.  I don’t know if all this anxiety’s good for my health.  Maybe I’ll try taking Alix’s advice, see if that works.”

           “Smart.  She’s good at advice.  It’ll be good to see you relax.  And… I wouldn’t mind if you decided to be yourself more.”

           “Whatever I am, it’s genderqueer, which is apparently a much bigger category than I thought it was.”

           “So, if your gender changes, what are you now?”

           “Well right now I’m…” Marc trailed off. Something about that sentence was going to end weirdly for him. “That’s weird.  I was… a boy earlier, but now I feel…”  He paused.  “Kinda girly, I guess?  I mean… huh.”

           “Huh,” Nath agreed.

           He gripped onto the phone.  “Yeah,” he said, steeling his breath.

           Was he?

           Was “he” steeling “his” breath?

           He had to try… Marc closed his eyes and thought one forbidden word.

           ‘She.’

           It fit.

           It felt amazing.

           She… she lowered the phone from her (her!) ear.

           She laughed.  She giggled, even.

           She had tried referring to herself with other pronouns before, but she had always concluded that, since she always eventually defaulted to male, that calling herself something different wasn’t the issue. It occurred to her that she may have been right all along, only in the wrong way.  Pronouns were the issue, but not in the permanent sense, like she had considered to be the only option.

           She smiled.  Her smile.  Her. Damn face.

           She spared a glance in the mirror, but she was disappointed to see him again.  Though, as she scrutinized her reflection, she saw something she had never seen: a light of sorts, seeming to come from her eyes, reflecting the overhead bulbs. It struck her that her eyes had never seemed this deep before.  There was something completely new in her gaze, and even her expression and stature, and she realized immediately what it was.

           Life.

           And this life emboldened the green in her irises, the darkness of her eyelashes, the pink of her lips and the warm blush of her cheeks.

           It was still his face.  But, it was hers, too, dammit.

           “Marc, you okay?”

           She nearly dropped the phone.  She had completely forgotten Nath was still there. Marc, he’d called her.  She’d have to fix that.  She might want a gender-neutral name.

           She stopped.  ‘No,’ she mused, ‘one thing at a time.’

           “Yeah,” she said in her scratchy, pubescent, tenor voice.  She also made a note to practice with that some more.

           “You went kinda silent there.  You sure?”

           “I’m fine.”  She gulped.  “Never better.”

           And by Golly, she meant it.

           “Damn.”

           “What?”

           “Something’s right.”

           Nathaniel stared at the ceiling of his bedroom.  He should have gone to sleep a while ago, but that had never stopped him before.

           He thought of Marc as he had always known Marc- as a boy. Easy enough: short black hair done up in the back, the red hoodie he always wore hung over his shoulders, pale skin that blushed easily.  And he couldn’t forget the eyes.  Two eyes that were forest green.  Sharp, crisp eyes, to match the sharp mind behind them.  Sharp, spry, creative, like a colorful… sword.  The metaphor got away from him.

           The eyes were the first thing that caught his attention, the first physical detail about Marc that he had truly noticed.

           Alright, it was easy to see him as a boy, but what if he was a girl?  His – sorry, her – black hair… well, it wouldn’t change much.  Doing hair up in the back is a common girl thing, right?  And the green eyes and blush wouldn’t change either.  Now that he thought about it, Marc herself wouldn’t change. Well, she might be less depressed, maybe a bit more open about her emotions once she saw how she’d be accepted by everyone else.  Maybe she’d be even quicker with her amazing words, if that was even possible.  But those were really just boons, weren’t they? He couldn’t see any way that Marc being a girl would pose a problem to their friendship.  And he could see Marc as a girl pretty easily, with her short stature and tendency to wear makeup.  He envisioned her wearing something girly.  Probably not a skirt.  Would she wear her hoodie lower down her arms?  Maybe do her makeup a little more?  Even if it was only in front of him, he’d be happy to know she was feeling free.

           In his vision, she was smiling, and he liked it when Marc smiled.

           Well, what about something neither boy nor girl? Marc’s physical features shifted again in his mind, again only changing in how the writer carried themselves. Still brilliant, still humble, still Marc.  Maybe just a little makeup, to smooth the edge off their masculinity. Sunglasses?  No, they’d never wear sunglasses under any circumstances.  A hat, maybe.  What was Marc without their gender anyway?  Same black hair, green eyes, rosy blush.  Same demure attitude, same affectionate smile, same incredible creativity.  Why did Marc need a defined, certain gender when they had so much else in addition?

           He continued to lay on his bed, processing this. Then, as he reached the conclusion, he started to blush.

           “God… damnit,” Nathaniel muttered, covering his face.  “They’re still hot.”

Well, Marc didn’t blush.  I didn’t say anyone else wouldn’t.  And I did have the OTHER kind of blush at the beginning so...

Yeah.  I’m just gonna pretend this makes sense.  You hear me, @seasonofthegeek?  This still counts!

Comments are always appreciated.  This one was really fun to write, as you can tell from my unnecessarily long word count.  I swear, I don’t usually go this long.

But hey, I think I made something pretty cool here.  Anyway, I’m gonna post this before it’s past the deadline, so... bye for now, I guess.

[neighbours-kid]

Dammit, Dean Devlin.

Once upon a time, there was this little show called Leverage.

It first aired in 2008. It had 5 seasons, 77 episodes, 5 main characters.

I was probably fifteen when I first laid eyes on this little show. I was at my dad's, it was some time after dinner, we were watching TV. And there it was, that first episode. We watched it, it was fun.

Over the course of a couple of years, I kept catching that episode on TV. But only the first one. Never more than that.

I forgot about it and was surprised every time I saw the episode. And I kept thinking, I wanna check this out, this looks like fun.

I think either shortly before the last season aired in 2012, or shortly after, I finally remembered the show well enough to go, okay, let's watch this. I have not been the same person since.

This little show called Leverage is without a doubt the best show I have ever seen in my life, and it is to this day still the only thing that has never disappointed me once. I loved Chuck, but it was not perfect. I had issues with it. I love the Marvel Netflix stuff, I think it's fun. But it's not perfect. I adore NCIS and The Mentalist. Are they perfect? Nope.

But I cannot find one single flaw about Leverage. I love it with all my heart and I would not change one single thing. Well, maybe I would've not cancelled it after five seasons. But even with that....it rounds off so perfectly. The last season, the finale, it is so fucking perfect.

One of the things that made Leverage so perfect, were the absolutely fantastic main characters and the development they had over those five seasons. I feel like I could write endlessly about the character development in this show. It's so marvellous and so well done.

You have Nate Ford, the "leader" of the group, this little family. The ex-insurance fraud detective, so broken, so flawed, such a wonderful jerk. He makes sure that the plans work, he is the mastermind behind their cons, their grifts, their thefts. He is the puppet master. Ah, I adooooore him. His alcoholism and control issues were never glamorised, it wasn't sugarcoated, and he was not vilified for it. He grew so much in those five seasons, he changed a lot, and yet he never betrayed his own character. Tim Hutton just smashes this role. I really, truly adore him.

You have Sophie Devereaux, femme fatale, grifter extraordinaire, a character so diverse, so beautifully portrayed by Gina Bellman, from episode to episode different, and yet still only one very complex and wonderfully crafted character. While Nate is the one who makes sure that the plan works, Sophie is the one to make sure that everyone gets out of it alive, unharmed, safe. She is the caretaker. To watch a grifter struggle with identity issues is such a great thing. Watching Sophie finding herself, finding her own dreams and ambitions, finding her calling over those five seasons, was such a treat.

That's the "parents". Then you have the "kids".

Alec Hardison, a motherfuckin' ray of sunshine. Hardison is the nerd, the geek, master of computers, the best hacker on earth, and just an all around joy. Only 22 when they started filming, Aldis Hodge is so fucking young but he plays him like a master. Aldis absolutely acts the shit out of that character. Hardison is such a sweetheart. On my first round through the show, he was definitely my favorite character, I identified with him so much. He was handsome, he was elegant, he had style, he was such a beautifully crafter character, and he still was the nerd and he is still black. You don't usually get that. Hardison is so incredibly kind and loving and all he wants is for his little family of criminals to feel good, to be safe, to feel loved. He gives them a home wherever they go. Aldis Hodge fucking rocked this role and I can't do anything but applaud him.

Then you have Parker, the all around misfit. Usually, in every other show, her character would be dismissed as either the "beauty" just there for the male gaze, or the weirdo who is the butt of every joke. But not with Leverage. Just like the other characters, she is wonderfully portrayed by Beth Riesgraf, has so many interesting layers and we learn so much about her over those five seasons. Parker is the world's greatest thief, she likes money for money's sake, she experienced a lot of bad things, was hurt in so many ways, and came out of it anyway. She found her own family, the people who did not dismiss her as a freak, an outcast, but embraced her being different, maybe a little weird, and loved her anyway. The relationships she builds with the other characters are so very different from each other, so well thought out, so wonderfully done. And what Leverage does so masterfully is that it does not pit Sophie and Parker against each other. It gives you a beautiful friendship between those two women, who could not be different from each other. There is so much love, respect and understanding between those characters. It's so refreshing to see. Have I mentioned how much I love this show already? I fucking love this show.

And then you have Eliot Spencer. Oh, I could cry buckets just thinking about him. I have never in my life seen such beautiful character development. What they did with Eliot over those five seasons is an absolute masterpiece of writing. Eliot -- the hitter, the fighter, the stone cold cowboy, whose fists say more than his mouth -- that guy changes so much. But not just that, he's not just the fighter. He's the "beau" mostly, and not Sophie. And he is incredibly passionate about cooking. You have this knife-wielding, punch-throwing, fucking badass, and he loves cooking. There is so much history revealed over the course of the show and he learns so. fucking. much. He goes from "You all annoy me and I'm just here for revenge and money" to "I will protect these people from this unjust world with my life and I would take on dragons and mountain trolls if it meant that they are safe and protected". Christian Kane is such a wonderful actor and he gives this character an immense amount of depth and he has more than three dimensions. Eliot is a masterpiece. And I love him to pieces. I could write ESSAYS about him. Long, wordy, essays.

You have this beautiful little family of thieves, of criminals, con-men, flawed, hurt, wonderful people. Incredibly gorgeously crafted characters, played so magnificently by all these great, amazing actors.

Leverage has rocked my world and sparked so many different interests in me. I would be a completely different person without it. I have no idea how many times I have watched it through. I spent at least half a year just going through it over and over and over again. As soon as I watched the finale, I put the first season on again, no stops, no pauses. It never got boring, I kept seeing new things, kept making connections between certain things. This show brought me so much joy. I love it with all my heart.

What Dean Devlin and John Rogers created is a show that makes me feel at home, that makes my heart swell with love, that was just absolutely fucking perfect. And still, it got cancelled and the last season ended in 2012.

Two years later, a NATO counter terrorism agent is in the middle of taking down terrorist and stopping a bomb from exploding, when suddenly an arrogant, brilliant, kind of dashing guy shows up, talks about ancient artefacts and curses and mythologies, and helps the agent stopping the bomb.

And with that, The Librarians is born. Or better yet, reborn into a tv show. By whom? None other than John Rogers and Dean Devlin.

What is it? Well, it's a little show that just finished it's fourth season. It's a show about a team of people who would've never found together if they had not been thrown into this adventure. They could not be different.

You have Flynn Carsen, a kind of arrogant, incredibly brilliant and well-versed guy, who is kind of dashing, has a tendency to go off and do things by himself, and is, more or less, the "leader" of the group.

You have Eve Baird, ex-NATO agent, the actual leader of the group, the protector, who sees to it that everyone gets out of the adventures alive. She is the guardian. Eve is a strong, independent woman who don't need no man, but chooses to have one anyway, because that self-destructive, arrogant idiot is so very intriguing, and he genuinely cares about her.

You have Ezekiel Jones, a Korean-Australian, nerd, computer genius, thief and, deep down, a sweetheart. He is more arrogant than anyone, he loves nothing more than himself, and saying his name, but he does have a heart. A big one. And he loves his new-found family.

You have Cassandra Killian, a quirky, pretty, absolutely brilliant young lady, who does not always fit in. She gets excited about things at the wrong time, she is overly hyperactive at times, but so so loyal, and caring, and loving.

And then you have Jacob Stone. The fighter. The brawler. The country kid from Oklahoma. The one you look at and think, that guy has skin like stone, nothing can hurt him, and he has no soft side. You have this tough ass bitch of a guy.... and he is soooooooo passionate about art, about architecture, about literature, about poetry. He quotes some author in every episode. He gets excited about museums and buildings and old symbols and engravings. And he cares so much about these people he only just met, he will protect them with everything he's got. A big teddy bear, a softie.

(Then you also have Jenkins who is just absolutely fantastic and I adore him and I could go on for ages about him but words could not make him justice, so I'm not trying. Also, he is kinda not relevant for my point.)

Now look at those five characters.

Leader guy, arrogant, self-destructive, cares so much but can't really express it, runs from commitment for the longest time, but actually wants to stay, just doesn't know how?

Strong, independent woman who's actually kind of the leader, sees to it that everyone feels good, doesn't need a man, but falls for the one who runs away anyway?

Nerdy, non-white computer guy, who knows he is awesome at what he does, is unconventionally stylish compared to the usual type of this character, cares about his new found family a lot and tries to support them with new ideas?

Brilliant, weird woman but absolutely beautiful in her own way, very caring but can't express it sometime, quirky and hyperactive?

Badass softie with a super specific interest he is brilliant at despite it maybe being considered effeminate in comparison to his other super manly, buff-ness, played by Christian Kane?

Sound familiar?

Nate or Flynn, Sophie or Eve, Hardison or Ezekiel, Parker or Cassie, Eliot or Jacob?

I am NOT saying these are exactly the same characters, far from it. They are all their own wonderful selves. But there are similarities there that I just adore so much. I admit, I think of Jacob as just an alias of Eliot's that he had before he joined the Leverage crew, and he is indeed the very same person. But that's just me, because I love Leverage so much and I miss it with all my heart and having the opportunity to have Eliot live on in something else? I'll take it in a heart beat.

I started watching The Librarians a few weeks ago. I am close to finishing season three now. It took me about two seasons to warm up to Flynn, and I admit I still don't like him as much as I loved Nate. I admit, Ezekiel still pisses me off a lot because of his constant "I am Ezekiel Jones". And yet... I still like them. I still think they are wonderfully crafted characters.

I did not mean to like The Librarians. I did go into this show thinking that I probably won't like it because it's not Leverage. These are not my beloved characters and this is not the best show on earth. But it's a good show. It's a beautiful show. It's lovely.

And I fucking HATE that I like it so much, because I really did not want to love another show. I am so pissed at myself for really liking it.

But I do. And I wish this show all the best. Season four just ended and the campaigning for a fifth season is on its way. I think it really deserves it. I am so on board for a fifth season.

I have one more thing to say.

Dammit. Dammit, Dean Devlin. Dammit, John Rogers. I did not want to like this show. And yet your wonderful show is exactly that. Wonderful. Adorable. Lovely.

I really miss Leverage. I miss it so much. And I wish you'd make a movie, get the gang back together again for one last job. Just one more time breaking the law, no encores.

(Thank you Dean, John, and also Chris Downey, for Leverage. It still is everything I ever wanted from a TV show and still the only show that never disappointed me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the best.)