#I have been listening to the soundtrack all day it’s been burned into my brain HELP HDFH

[coffiicorgii]

Why is the anxious Italian man so fun to draw??

Just some silly little doodles and me messing around with a pixel art brush on my art app! :D

[moremaybank]

jj x john b’s little sister will always have a special place in my heart. Especially when she’s been pining over him since they were kids, the built up tension, the way they act like a couple but they’re not, ugh!

no bc this is my favourite trope with jj 😭 it's just so fitting and honestly nothing hits like a good brother's best friend trope (at least for me)

You were lying in bed, mindlessly scrolling through your phone when you hear your front door open, followed by the clunking of heavy shoes against the hardwood floors as they walked their way through your home.

At first, you panicked. Was this it? Were you about to get murdered in the comfort of your own home, warm and cozy in your bed? But then it clicked. There was only one person you knew who had loud footsteps like that. He had messy blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, a cheeky grin. He was most likely wearing one of his worn out cut-offs, and black timberland boots.

Those staple shoes of his were definitely the culprit.

Your doorknob twisted open slowly, and there JJ was. Stumbling into your room with a hazy smile on his face. He tripped over his foot upon entry, leading him to kick his boots off clumsily.

"J, what the hell are you doing? I thought you were Freddy Krueger or something, jeez."

He plopped onto your bed, using one hand to pluck your phone from your hand and toss it to the other side of your bed. He laid between your legs, resting his head against your stomach and wrapping his arms around your waist.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach instantly. Being this close and cozy wasn't new for the two of you; you'd been touchy since you were kids. Endless piggyback rides, cuddling sessions during movie nights, playing with each other's hair, that was just the two of you in your normal state. That's what happens when you've known someone since you were in elementary school.

"Hi," he murmured, nuzzling into you as he got comfy. "You smell good."

Your brows furrowed as you held back a laugh. "Are you drunk?"

"No." A moment of silence passed, and then he spoke up again. "Maybe."

"Okay, and where's my brother?"

"Ditched me for his kook girlfriend."

You hummed in response, starting to weave your fingers through his sun-kissed locks. You heard him sigh in content, and he hooked his legs over one of yours.

"D'you wanna get high?" JJ asked, breaking the silence.

Your hand crept down to his cheek, stroking it with your thumb gently. "I think you're intoxicated enough, Maybank."

He picked his head up, his chin now resting where the left side of his face was previously smushed against. He smiled, his eyelids half closed. "You're always takin' care o'me. So sweet, like candy."

"You always need to be taken care of," you joked in response. The small huff of laughter he let out was like music to your ears. You could listen to it on repeat for the rest of your days, and it'd always be your favourite soundtrack.

His eyes seemed to glimmer as he zoned in on yours again. He released a sigh, before reaching up and cupping your cheek. "You're so beautiful."

Your heart fluttered. You were used to JJ's unrelenting flirtations, but he'd never said anything like that to you. It'd always been lookin' good, mini routledge, or we should makeout. y'know, for science.

"Don't. You're only saying that 'cause you're drunk. It's mean."

His brow arched. "Me thinking you're beautiful is mean? I don't get it."

"It's mean because it's just the alcohol talking," you explained. "You don't really mean it, J."

"I do mean it. Why do you think I'm starin' at you all the time? I have to force myself to keep my eyes off you."

He was pulling at your heartstrings, saying all the things you'd been longing to hear from his mouth for as long as you could remember. It almost felt cruel; the fact that he could say these things so casually as if the memory wouldn't be burned into your brain until the end of time.

"Go to sleep, JJ. We'll talk in the morning," you spoke, eyes darting away from his as you changed the topic.

JJ removed himself from your hold, scooting up next to you and using his index finger and thumb to guide your gaze onto him. His eyes were softened, so vulnerable as they looked at you. He wore a small pout, too, only making you want to plant a kiss on it and wash it away.

"I know 'm an idiot. But one of these days, I'm gonna get my head outta my ass and tell you that I got a major thing for you," he said. "You're gonna be my girl, princess. I'm not sure of much, but I am sure of that."

And with that, he laid his head down on the pillow next to yours, slinging an arm over your waist and cuddling into your side.

"Good night, beautiful."

concepts

[michellethestan]

Our Flag Means Jesus Christ Superstar

At C2E2 on Sunday, Con O'Neill shared that he and Taika both thought of Jesus Christ Superstar and the famously-charged relationship between Jesus and Judas in that show when thinking about the relationship between Ed and Izzy in Our Flag Means Death. (He also said they scream-sang to the soundtrack together on their first day in the makeup trailer and I would give my non-existent left nut for any footage of this event.)

Here's the video:

This set my brain on fire because I am an extreme and obnoxious lifelong Jesus Christ Superstar fan and one of the first goofy things I did in OFMD fandom was casting a JCS AU. As my brain burned, I started thinking about all of the parallels between JCS and OFMD.

So, presenting Way Too Much Thought about Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's Rock Opera about the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ and David Jenkins' There's No Heterosexual Explanation for this Story of Blackbeard and Stede Bonnet! I am not at all religious, so if you're looking for any takes on whether or not Edward Teach is actually God, you've come to the wrong place. I am merely a woman with an English degree and too much time on my hands.

Since we all know the plot points of OFMD, I am going to do this by JCS song. If you're unfamiliar with JCS, the wiki is below. Basically, though, it is a rock opera about the days leading up to Jesus' crucifixion, released as a concept album in 1970. Eventually it was staged, there are two movies (ignore the awful 2000 version), John Legend was Jesus on the live TV version, it tours all over, and it is Incredibly Campy. The relationship between Jesus and Judas is famously charged, and different productions choose to take that to different levels.

I'm going to use the album songs (with one notable exception) and visuals from the 1973 movie.

At its core, I see JCS as being about the conflict between Judas and Mary Magdalene and their versions of an ideal Jesus. Sound familiar? It's telling Jesus' story, but it does so via the interpersonal and internal conflicts these two people had during the last days of his life.

Ed is Jesus - For years, he has been leading a movement. He has reached a moment where the masses are seeing him as a mythical figure, King of the Jews/Blackbeard, but he's not sure that is what he wants.

Izzy is Judas - Our guy's right hand man. He has been there since the start and sees himself as a protector as well as someone with an outside perspective on the hero. Izzy wants Ed to continue being the myth of Blackbeard because it is the way they will survive. Judas, conversely, wants Jesus to take it down a notch because he is becoming too much of a myth and that will get him killed.

Stede is Mary Magdalene - (I'm not a prostitute, mate!) The new person to the group, offering our hero a way forward that does not have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Stede offers Ed retirement and a soft life. Mary offers Jesus a soft and comfortable life as well, but it is one where he does take up the mantle as the Son of God.

(A Note before we get going. Both Our Flag Means Death and the 1973 Jesus Christ Superstar film star BIPOC actors: Taika Waititi as Blackbeard, Ben Vereen as Judas, and Yvonne Elliman as Mary Magdalene. This is fundamentally part of the stories the productions tell. People far more qualified than I have written about Edward Teach as a Maori man, the diverse OFMD cast, and about the diverse casting traditions in Jesus Christ Superstar. There is a deep dive to be written about the race of these six principle actors (and their supporting casts) and how that impacts these stories when JCS is read as an influence on OFMD. Without the qualifications to take that on, I am sticking essentially to song lyrics and script. I realize this is a huge gap in this analysis, and I would love for someone to help me fill it!)

We're skipping the Overture because it's just an overture and it is very good but still. You can listen to it if you want.

Heaven on their Minds

The show opens with Judas. Jesus, the apostles, Mary, and co. are together outside of Jerusalem, and Judas is concerned about the level of fame they are reaching and the danger Jesus is in from authorities.

Listen Jesus I don't like what I see.

All I ask is that you listen to me.

And remember, I've been your right hand man all along.

You have set them all on fire.

They think they've found the new Messiah.

And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong.

Of course, the big difference here is that Judas wants Jesus to tone it down so he doesn't get hurt, whereas Izzy is trying to keep Ed as Blackbeard going so he doesn't get hurt.

What's the Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying

The Apostles want to know what's happening. When are we leaving, who are we fighting, etc. While they bother Jesus, Mary is trying to comfort him.

Mary that is good,

While you prattle through your supper,

Where and when and who and how.

She alone has tried to give me

What I need right here and now.

Here we introduce the foil to Izzy/Judas. Almost immediately, with his finery and his lunacy, Stede offers Ed a different way of life.

You're a fucking lunatic and I like it.

We also get the first conflict between Mary and Judas, when Judas attacks Jesus for allowing Mary to comfort him.

It seems to me a strange thing, mystifying

That a man like you can waste his time on women of her kind.

Yes, I can understand that she amuses,

But to let her kiss you, stroke your hair, that's hardly in your line.

It's not that I object to her profession,

But she doesn't fit in well with what you teach and say.

It doesn't help us if you're inconsistent.

They only need a small excuse to put us all away.

Izzy, of course, immediately wants Stede out of the picture. He wants Stede out of the picture so badly he tries to sabotage them from the start. He doesn't respect Stede as a man or as a pirate, and is worried about what associating with Stede will do to Blackbeard's reputation.

Jesus stands up for Mary's presence, just like Ed decides they're staying on Stede's ship for now.

Who are you to criticize her?

Who are you to despise her?

Leave her, leave her, let her be now.

Leave her, leave her, she's with me now.

If your slate is clean, then you can throw stones.

If your slate is not, then leave her alone.

"Sorry not sorry." - Jesus/Ed.

Everything's Alright

Mary's first big number! She is soothing a stressed Jesus, offering him myrrh ointment (fine things!) and the idea that he deserves to be taken care of.

Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.

Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.

Then you'll feel

Everything's alright, yes, everything's fine.

And it's cool, and the ointment's sweet

For the fire in your head and feet.

Close your eyes, close your eyes

And relax, think of nothing tonight.

Of course, Judas doesn't want this version of Jesus. He wants to get back to their roots, sees the use of the ointment on Jesus as a waste, and doesn't like a version of Jesus that is the pampered son of God.

Woman your fine ointment, brand new and expensive

Should have been saved for the poor.

Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe

Three hundred silver pieces or more.

People who are hungry, people who are starving

They matter more than your feet and hair!

We see this most/first in the clothes-swap scene, where Izzy is just so disgusted by the idea of Ed being anything other than Blackbeard that he literally leaves. Jesus stands up for Mary against Judas and says she's staying and Judas has to deal with it. Ed stands up for Stede and says they're staying on the Revenge and Izzy just has to deal with it.

The clothes swap scene is not the only sequence where Stede comforts Ed, of course. Just as Mary takes it upon herself to comfort Jesus at pretty much every opportunity, Stede becomes that comfort for Ed. The panic attack after the Fuckery is Stede reassuring Ed that the weight of being Blackbeard does not have to be on his shoulders. He can relax and sleep well, because Stede sees the real him. He's willing to forget a whole entire murder plot for Ed.

And more! We have two concrete "fine things" being used for pleasure here - myrrh ointment and marmalade. Both Judas and Izzy see waste and carelessness where Mary and Stede see the value in indulgence. And both Judas and Izzy want the fine things gone for more practical things. Judas wants to sell the ointment to give the money to the poor, what he argues is Jesus' whole original message. The marmalade, of course, is taking the place of literal gunpowder that pirates need to, you know, survive.

I will also just point out that "marmalade" and "myrrh ointment" sound... not really very similar but at least both start with M.

This Jesus Must Die

The authorities in Jerusalem want this rabble-rouser Jesus out of the picture. They're very moody and discussing what to do with him, deciding that he needs to die to send a message. We don't really see this happening about Blackbeard until the very end of the show, but we can assume based on the whole Being A Notorious Pirate Thing that the English authorities would do anything to take him down.

The important thing here is that Ed and Jesus are both wanted men. Izzy/Judas and Stede/Mary are offering conflicting ways to stay alive. Both think they have the solution and are trying to woo their guys to their sides.

Hosanna and Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem

First of all, these are bops. Just getting that out of the way. Hosanna is Jesus entering Jerusalem and Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem is the masses worshipping him, basically. Our OFMD parallel is Blackbeard with his Nine Guns - The myth of the hero far outstrips the man at this point. But what is he going to do about it?

Jesus warns the worshippers that things are about to get bad. Blackbeard starts thinking maybe he'll steal Stede's identity and sail off into the sunset.

If you knew all that I knew, my poor Jerusalem,

You'd see the truth, but you close your eyes.

But you close your eyes.

While you live, your troubles are many, poor Jerusalem.

To conquer death, you only have to die.

You only have to die.

Hmmm what's that, Jesus? We have to die to get out of this? You don't say.

Pilate's Dream

Pilate has a premonition that he's about to go down in history as The Bad Guy who Killed Jesus. (Yup.)

Then I saw thousands of millions

Crying for this man.

And then I heard them mentioning my name,

And leaving me the blame.

Badminton declares he's going to get vengeance on some Cat Bandits.

On my honor, I’ll ride these “Cat Bandits” straight into hell.

There are people hunting down our hero, in other words.

The Temple

In this scene, Jesus finds that a temple is being used for basically everything other than worship and he flips his lid and clears all of the sinners out. It is Very Dramatic.

What happens next is what parallels to OFMD, though. After the heathens are cleared from the temple, Jesus is surrounded by people with leprosy begging him to heal them. It's eerie and A Lot.

See my eyes, I can hardly see.

See me stand, I can hardly walk.

I believe you can make me whole.

See my tongue, I can hardly talk.

See my skin, I'm a mass of blood.

See my legs, I can hardly stand.

I believe you can make me well.

See my purse, I'm a poor, poor man.

Will you touch, will you mend me Christ?

Won't you touch, will you heal me Christ?

Will you kiss, you can cure me Christ?

Won't you kiss, won't you pay me Christ?

Jesus tries his best to heal them, but ultimately panics.

There's too many of you...Don't push me.

There's too little of me...Don't crowd me.

Heal yourselves!

What does this have to do with Ed? I hope you're asking that since you've read this far. The beggars are... Calico Jack! And not because he is a walking embodiment of disease. This sequence represents Jesus making his choice - is he going to be Judas' version of Jesus or Mary's? Is he taking on the mantle of Son of God or is he going relax it a bit? Calico Jack is a similar turning point for Ed. Is he going to be the old Blackbeard, or is he going to stick with Stede? Jesus hasn't really made his choice here - he tries to fix the temple and heal everyone but he is still overwhelmed. Of course, we know what Ed chose.

Everything's Alright (Reprise)

A bop. A reminder that Stede and Mary are going to take care of their men. Thanks, Mary. Thanks, Stede.

I Don't Know How to Love Him

Just imagine Stede singing this about Ed. That's it, that's the comparison.

I don't know how to love him.

What to do, how to move him.

I've been changed, yes really changed.

In these past few days, when I've seen myself,

I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this.

I don't see why he moves me.

...

Yet, if he said he loved me,

I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.

I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.

I'd turn my head. I'd back away.

I wouldn't want to know.

He scares me so.

I want him so.

I love him so.

To elaborate a little, what's key here is Mary realizing that she is also being changed by loving Jesus and that they are on a path together now. She realizes that she is in awe of the myth of Jesus but in love with the man.

Damned for All Time/Blood Money

Judas turning in Jesus to the authorities. He's panicking. The only way to save Jesus is to give him up and hope that he is able to survive. He has even deluded himself into thinking that Jesus will actually be glad that he's made this decision.

Now if I help you, it matters that you see

These sordid kinda things are coming hard to me.

It's taken me some time to work out what to do.

I weighed the whole thing out before I came to you.

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm ... damned for all time.

I came because I had to; I'm the one who saw.

Jesus can't control it like he did before.

And furthermore I know that Jesus thinks so too.

Jesus wouldn't mind that I was here with you.

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm ... damned for all time.

Annas, you're a friend, a worldly man and wise.

Caiaphas, my friend, I know you sympathize.

Why are we the prophets? Why are we the ones

Who see the sad solution - know what must be done?

I have no thought at all about my own reward.

I really didn't come here of my own accord.

Just don't say I'm damned for all time.

Sound like someone we know?

The Last Supper

Oh here we go, things are heating up. Of course, The Last Supper is The Last Supper. The apostles have a lovely song about how they want to write everything down so people will talk about them when they die. That's a normal way to talk about your friend, right?

Fanfiction and the start of the Eucharist aside, The Last Supper is when Jesus announces to the team that he knows what they've been up to. He says that soon Peter will deny him and that he knows Judas has betrayed him.

Of course, when Izzy goes off to sell Ed out, Ed doesn't know it's happening because he is not a prophet. But I made this anyway because it works.

JESUS: Peter will deny me in just a few hours.

Three times will deny me,

And that's not all I see.

One of you here dining,

One of my twelve chosen

Will leave to betray me.

JUDAS: Cut out the dramatics!

You know very well who.

JUDAS: To think I admired you.

Well now I despise you.

This song also reinforces Judas' conviction that Jesus wants him to do this. Judas believes he is acting in both of their best interests and that turning Jesus in will stop the train and everything will be fine. Izzy truly believes that he is only selling out Stede. Stede has done something to his boss' brain, and once he's out of the picture Ed will go back to normal.

Gethsemane (I Only Want to Say)

Jesus leaves his sleeping apostles and goes off to, basically, freak out and yell at his dad who is God.

I only want to say,

If there is a way,

Take this cup away from me

For I don't want to taste its poison.

Feel it burn me,

I have changed.

I'm not as sure, as when we started.

After walking around yelling at Dad a bit, he gets it out of his system and gets back on track. This is where he chooses to be a martyr.

By accepting his martyrdom, he might be accepting Judas' betrayal on the surface, but he's actually accepting Mary's version of himself. The authorities aren't going to slap him on the wrist and let him go. They are going to kill him, as we all know. That is what Mary was actually pulling for, even though she didn't realize it at the time.

This is akin to when Ed calls for the Act of Grace. In that moment, Izzy's plan falls apart - calling the British isn't going to save Blackbeard, it's going to destroy him. And this is what Stede was actually pulling for, even though he didn't realize it at the time.

Alright, I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how I die!

...

God, thy will is hard,

But you hold every card.

I will drink your cup of poison.

Nail me to your cross and break me,

Bleed me, beat me,

Kill me.

Take me, now!

Before I change my mind.

The Arrest

Judas, must you betray me with a kiss?

Judas famously kisses Jesus to identify him to the Roman soldiers. If you are Going For It in your production of Jesus Christ Superstar, this can be very lustful. This is a man who loves his hero giving him up to the people that have been chasing him, probably realizing as he does it that things are about to go Very Wrong but having no way to stop it.

Peter's Denial

People who saw Jesus being led away see Peter and Mary, and accuse Peter of being an accomplice of that rabble-rouser Jesus. He denies knowing him three times.

Welp.

Pilate and Christ

Oh, Pilate, if only you remembered your little premonition. This is basically a song just to explain why Pilate doesn't have jurisdiction over Jesus and is sending him to...

King Herod's Song (Try it and See)

This song is, in a word, chaotic. King Herod tells Jesus he'll spare his life if Jesus admits to calling himself King of the Jews. It's very campy. It's amazing.

Herod demands Jesus perform miracles, Jesus won't do it, and Herod sends him back to Pilate to deal with because he decides Jesus is a fraud. This one really doesn't match up in OFMD. Oh well!

Could We Start Again Please

Meanwhile, in the movie and on the stage, Peter and Mary lead a song freaking out about what's happening. They've realized this whole thing went too far and Jesus is about to be killed, and are asking to start over.

This is Stede realizing slowly at the Privateering Academy that he has ruined Blackbeard. This comes out of order in the shows, but I'm going by JCS order. So I'm also doing the gifs in JCS order instead of OFMD order.

I've been living to see you

Dying to see you but it shouldn't be like this

This was unexpected, what do I do now?

Oh, could we start again, please?

Could we start again, please?

I've been very hopeful so far

Now for the first time I think we're going wrong

Hurry up and tell me, this is all a dream

Or could we start again, please?

Could we start again, please?

I think you've made your point now

You've even gone a bit too far to get your message home

Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt

So could we start again please?

Could we start again please?

Judas' Death

Of course, Izzy doesn't die, and Judas does. Dramatically, after first running back to the authorities and trying to undo what he did.

I don't believe he knows I acted for our good

I'd save him all this suffering if I could!

Don't believe ... our good ... save him ... if I could

Izzy may not die, but he certainly has a moment where he realizes Ed is giving everything up and his plan has failed. Izzy is forced to watch Ed sign away ten human years to the British, and it is because of what Izzy did.

Christ! I know you can't hear me

But I only did what you wanted me to

Christ! I'd sell out the nation

For I have been saddled with the murder of you

Even more tragically, Judas reprises Mary's "I Don't Know How to Love Him." Imagine Izzy singing this in a deleted scene where he watches Ed and Stede be rowed away from the Revenge.

I don't know how to love him

I don't know why he moves me

He's a man - he's just a man

He's not a king - he's just the same

As anyone I know

He scares me so

When he's cold and dead, will he let me be?

Does he love me too? Does he care for me?

Ow. Sorry Iz.

Trial Before Pilate

It's a trial. Before Pilate. Some other guys go on trial, maybe you've heard of them.

Jesus stoically accepts his punishments, first the 39 lashes and then the crucifixion. Ed is also stoic when he thinks he's the only one in trouble, and of course after Stede is in danger he's not so stoic. Mary isn't crucified, so that doesn't really line up, but it's still two trials. Not much else to say here, really.

Superstar

The Big Number!

This is our climax, Judas in heaven appearing to Jesus and asking him, was it worth it? Shouldn't you have listened to me and ditched that Mary lady? (And why did you decide to come down to earth when you did instead of in 1971 when we have mass media? And also, is Buddha all he's cracked up to be? (It was the 70s, what do you want.))

Episode 10, of course, has the confrontation between Izzy and Ed. Is it worth it, being Stede's version of you? Can you survive like this? Where is the real Blackbeard?

And, who is Blackbeard, anyway?

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ,

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ Superstar,

Do you think you're what they say you are?

The Crucifixion

Also known as:

Obviously, Ed doesn't die, and Jesus, you know, famously does.

But Ed does bury the soft part of himself, Stede's part, in an effort to continue on as Blackbeard.

And, let's not forget, Jesus does also famously un-die.

Let's hope that bodes well for Ed in Season 2.

Final Thoughts

As I got to the end, I started thinking about the "winners" and "losers" in the Judas/Mary and Izzy/Stede conflicts, such as anyone can really be declared a winner when the end result is the willing self-destruction of the person they love.

Jesus is silent before Pilate and Herod, knowing that God's plan is playing out as was intended. Could he have changed it, had he listened to Judas? Could he have prevented Judas' fate had he filled his closest confidante in? But if he had done that, would Judas still have played the role he had to play? (I'm not a religious scholar so I don't have the slightest idea. I'm just a woman with an English degree and too much time to think about OFMD and Jesus Christ Superstar.) In turning away from Judas' warnings and accepting Mary's version of himself - the one that is allowed comfort and rest and to be "just a man" albeit briefly - Jesus accepts that he'll die. Then, after everything and not portrayed in this show, he comes back to life as Mary's version. Judas goes down in history as, well, Judas. (Not even going into what's happened to Mary's reputation because do I look like Dan Brown to you? She doesn't win, either, is all I'm saying.)

Then we have Ed, who quite literally sheds Izzy's version. He signs his pirate life away for ten human years in order to be allowed comfort, rest, and to be "Just Ed." Shaves his beard, kisses his man, makes a plan to run away. That's the "death" he accepted. It's even the "death" he tries to continue when he returns to the Revenge, only to be shaken back to "life" as Blackbeard by Izzy. Stede won briefly, but then Izzy gets a second shot. And we end with Ed reembodying the myth. I don't subscribe to the framing that Ed, Blackbeard, and The Kraken are different people - they're all facets of Edward Teach. Will his ultimate "resurrection" be an acceptance that the real Edward is some mix of all of these versions? With neither Stede nor Izzy the "winner" of that battle?

That's it!! "It."

If you read this far:

Thank you I love you

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did

Find me on twitter @ michellethestan

Let me know your thoughts about how this 1970s rock opera about Jesus is actually about gay pirates

If you have footage of Con and Taika singing Jesus Christ Superstar in a makeup trailer you have to give it to me as payment for this

[betterbooktitles]

Standing in a kitchen in Vermont, I spun the wheel on my black iPod and pressed down the fat, metallic button to select The Beatles’ Revolver from my long list of albums. “Taxman” came through the living room speakers. NPR had been echoing through the house for days in the TV-less room. The song’s opening guitar riff felt like watching fireworks.

My girlfriend’s dad, taking a break from DIY weatherproofing his home, a large open-concept cabin heated by a single wood-burning stove, said the words that always make me jealous: “I remember the day this came out.” 

He had run home from the record store after school with the album in tow, sat alone in his bedroom, and along with a bunch of kids his age in their respective rooms, heard Revolver for the first time. 

“Wow. What a day.” He said wistfully. 

“I remember it too.” My girlfriend said and tried to join in the reminiscing.

Her dad raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

“You mean you remember the first time you heard it?” I asked. 

“No I-” and her forehead wrinkled, and in her acid-addled brain, she tried to sort out for maybe 30 seconds how it was possible that she wasn’t alive in 1966 nor had she genetically inherited a memory from her parents of hearing Revolver the day it came out. “Yeah, I meant I can remember hearing it in this room for the first time, I guess.”

We listened to the rest of the album in classic Vermont style. That is, talking about how good the music is over the music you are currently listening to.

I don’t begrudge anyone wishing so hard they had been somewhere when they weren’t that they form an imaginary memory for something they never experienced. Only about 450,000 people were at Woodstock but millions claim they were there. Gen Z kids have mall nostalgia thanks to shows like Stranger Things showing them what a mall once was through rose-tinted glasses. I felt it most recently when my dad described using a reel-to-reel at the library and recording tapes of new albums before anyone else could borrow them.

As jealous as I feel toward every boomer or Gen Xer whose day revolved around getting out of school, buying a record, and hearing the needle drop the same day everyone else did, I know there is no equivalent for music for me, even though I can remember having nearly the same experiences with the radio and CDs. For instance, I remember our neighbor Kristen walking over to meet me and a big group of neighborhood kids at sunset one summer evening on our tree lawn (Cleveland suburbs term, the strip of grass between the street and the sidewalk outside your actual lawn that was technically the town’s responsibility but you still mowed). She had brought her battery-powered black boombox and (I swear) The Cranberries’ “Dreams” was playing. In my mind, I can see the final crane shot of a movie set in the 90s, the credits rolling as Dolores O’Riordan softly sings “Oh, my life…” It was the first of a million times I heard the song. This image is so on the nose, I can’t tell if it’s a real memory or a false one that’s been implanted in my brain like a replicant in Blade Runner.

Another music memory is attached to Kristen. A group of us were playing rummy in her basement, complete with an unused bar, the side of which was made of those thick borderline-opaque glass cubes. A light from behind behind the glass cast a greenish hue on the linoleum floor. I stared at it while she turned up a radio that looked like it was made in the ‘70s and said “I love this song!” She forced us all to pause the game and hear the 70s-style guitar tone of a 90s song complaining about “what the hell happened to the peace and love we knew so well in the 60s?” I was hearing a pre-Shrek-soundtrack Smash Mouth. I was spellbound. Surely, that was my ‘90s version of hearing Revolver the day it came out.

I have been forcing a feeling of nostalgia for times in which I did not exist my whole life, likely because the 60s/70s weren’t all that different from the 90s. Chuck Klosterman in his book The Nineties explores the topic in a chapter about That 70s Show:

“The kids on That ’70s Show hung out in basements and killed time by driving the family car around in circles, but those pastimes were not bygone pursuits—teenagers in the nineties were still hanging out in basements and still aimlessly cruising around. This was not some portal into an alien unknown. That ’70s Show could have instantly been remade as That ’80s Show or That ’90s Show if the references were changed and the fashions were updated. The characters and the conflicts were not entrenched in the seventies but ubiquitous to the entire last quarter of the twentieth century.”  -Klosterman, Chuck. The Nineties (p. 105). Penguin Publishing Group.

Klosterman is correct. The gap between my generation and my parents’ seems smaller than the one that exists between mine and a generation born after the iPhone, but I’ve always felt there was one big separation, one my parents’ generation never understood. I could pretend that sitting in the basement practicing drum solos and driving around town was as fun as it seemed on That 70s Show, but there was something else that haunted every hour of my adolescence and now pervades my adulthood. I could act like I’ve always been hip and young enough to understand each social media app as they entered the world, that the defining feature of my existence was LiveJournal, then Myspace, then Facebook…but no. The media that defines my life (besides 24-hour cable news incessantly reporting on terrorism and school shootings) is video games.

Read the rest here

[neurosismancer]

So, let me put on my Internet Old Person hat and tell you kids about the the way we committed music piracy in the long long ago of 2001, and the fragility of those music collections in those days.

You might know Napster. You might know Limewire. But there was a music piracy tool in between those. A little remembered program called AudioGalaxy, and it worked a little like Napster and a little like BitTorrent. The exact details of how it worked are immaterial, but one thing it did was when you searched for an artist, the songs were sorted, in essence, by popularity (e.g. how many people had that specific song file shared.)

Now, I can’t understand why this was a thing, but there was a strange phenomenon in the early days of file sharing and music piracy where people would share songs with the wrong artist name or song title. Certain bands and artists got a lot of stuff attributed to them that they never recorded. “Weird” Al Yankovic may be the most infamous victim of this, with nearly every novelty song and song parody released attributed to him regardless of quality or subject matter.

The confluence of these two phenomena are how I discovered one of my favorite bands of all time.

So, in my late teens, I found a new favorite band. A quickly little one-hit wonder known as DEVO. Y’know, the band that dd “Whip It.” They had the funny red hats that looked like flowerpots. Those guys.

Anyway, I had become obsessed with this band to the point of autistic hyperfixation, and I wanted to hear everything they’d ever put out. At that point, they’d released nine studio albums, a couple live albums, and two collections of early demos, and I wanted them all. So I would find myself crawling in the bottom pages of the AudioGalaxy search results looking for those obscure tracks—b-sides, songs on soundtracks and compilations, the occasional bootleg, They’d pop up between songs that were obviously not by DEVO, and much like our poor friend Alfred Yankovic, any sort of vaguely quirky 80s song got assigned to DEVO.

That was how I found it. A song called, simply, “Detachable Penis.”

Now, I had never heard of such as song, but I knew on the face of it, it wasn’t a DEVO song.

But with a title like that, I knew I had to find out just what in the name of fuck a song called “Detachable Penis” sounded like.

It sounded, dear reader, like this:

(CWs: blurry images of a dildo, the word penis, spoken word poetry)

And I immediately went to Google, because this song somehow tickled an itch in my brain, and I had to go and find out the real band that recorded this song, because how the hell else was I going to get every song I could of theirs I could get my grubby little hands on. The band was called King Missile, and I was hooked.

I’d like to see any music discovery algorithm beat that.

I eventually acquired their entire major discography along with a few EPs and B-Sides. I eventually burned those to a CD, which I could listen to with my MP3 CD Player.

And I realize, upon writing that, for you youth “MP3 CD Player” is a noun phrase that needs explaining. See, while the iPod had been released at that point, and similar devices were also on the market, they were all prohibitively expensive. The economical way to listen to pirated music files was to burn them to CD, but some CD players had software that allows you to burn those song as as _data_. Suddenly, you could have a single CD with 700 megabytes of MP3 files—room for an artist’s entire discography, if not multiple artists.

Since I was download a whole lot of MP3s with my high speed DSL connection, I was taking up an awful lot of space on my hard drive that needed to be offloaded somehow. CD-Rs and an MP3 CD Player were the optimal solution. And it worked…

…until it didn’t.

In the summer of 2002, my parents took me on a vacation to Las Vegas and Los Angeles. It was in the latter city where someone got into our rental car and swiped my MP3 CD player and a binder of CDs—both pressed CDs I’d acquired and CD-Rs of illicitly acquired MP3s, along them a CD-R I’d burned containing the nearly complete King Missile discography.

Songs I had only on that one CD-R.

It took me a decade—ten fucking years—before I’d recovered all the music that was on that disc.

This is the sort of discovery and the sort of loss that kids will never experience again in this day of Spotify and the all-you-can-eat buffet of music on demand we have now.

[bluebudgie]

For today's video game song of the day I present to you: My personal curse.

FF9's OST has been my favourite video game soundtrack ever since I first played this game. It's one of the very few OSTs in which I cannot think of a single bad song. I might not want to listen to all of them equally, but a song I actively dislike? None to be found.

But then there's the Lindblum theme. It's not a bad song by any means, but if you've played this game you may know you spend a good chunk of time in this city. There's one particularly long stretch where, at least if you're a slow reader like me, you can easily spend a couple of hours in the city until you get to leave again. (This game is text-heavy. Which is fine because the dialogue is good.)

This song is my personal little torture. I like it. It's catchy. It's cozy. It feels like a little stroll through the streets. But by god if I don't come out of a playing session having this stupid beat burned into my brain for the next week without respite.

[vero-niche]

UNSURPRISING AND BORING??? HAZUGSÁG! TELL ME ABOUT IT ACTUALLY!!!

(context: this ask was sent by my dear mutual after i reblogged a post about what my special interest is, which is films and filmmaking that i called those things)

fjhfjvhnfkc im so sorry for not replying to this sooner, it's been haunting me since that day bc first i was like "i will answer from desktop bc this is gonna be a long one" and then... i didnt. anyway, im just gonna start rambling and hit post at some point when i run out of steam, enjoy 💞

edit: whoops better put All That under a read more lmao

note: by movie/film i also mean animation, tv shows, anime, etc

so, it all started when i was little.... we were living mostly in a small village in northern hungary, no access to cinemas or such but my dad started working at a tv station in the capital when i was like... idk. small

anyway, he had access to The Internet and pirated movies and brough home burned VHS tapes.... i loved fiction ever since i remember and movies were no different. saw a lot of disney and other stuff, mum says i rewatched a lot of them a lot of times.... as an undiagnosed adhd+autism kid these movies were my main source of obsession.

as many in my generation, i grew to love reading a bit later after i saw the first h*rry p*tter movie and read the book but even then and ever since as well my imagination works kinda like a movie. i imagine certain shots and angles, even tho for the most part my imagination is as fuzzy as my thoughts.

also on the part of the audhd, i was basically self medicating with movies. stressed? watch a movie. sensory overload? movie (or later on, music). feeling shit? movie. it kind of works like a factory reset of my brain if the film is good. i guess because for 1,5-2,5 hours i am completely focused on one thing in a way thats not exhausting to me.

during elementary, i was in a friend group that i got in because we were in the same not school related drawing group (rajzszakkör yknow) and basically all 4 of us were a bit too neurodivergent there i think 😄 anyway, somehow when i first got a phone with camera, we started doing little "sketches" (and me with my then best friend separately too). then two of those friends came up with a short movie idea, a mockumentary about the iconic "twin towers" of the town we lived in (and hated). the 4 of us filmed and played all parts, right there in the city, and one of us edited it. it turned out quite.... well, like a shitpost lmao. so, naturally, we got quite hooked but esp me and one other friend (who is now an acclaimed theatre director btw. lol)

anyway, so we did several of these short movies + i did several sketches and other stuff with all kinds of friends in the coming years, all through about mid-high school years...

for several reasons, despite it being the obvious choice, i didnt end up going to film major at uni but chose english studies. i don't regret it, but my place wouldve been at the film major tbh....

anyway, i decided to give up my filmmaking dreams... but yknow, special interests dont wotk that way lmao.

i kept watching movies with a critical mind, such as "oh this shot is good" or "this shot is too long, they should've cut it a few seconds earlier" or "oh, they are using xy technique here" and once you start looking at movies from a filmmaker point of view, theres just no turning back (or off). i think i majorly watch anime in my spare time now bc i analyze what i see less than with live action stuff.

so like. idk what my point here is. i listen to soundtracks of movies i loved, not just the ones with lyrics but the background music too. i love rewatching and dissecting parts. after seeing a new one that i loved i headstraight to imdb to the crew and trivia section, i watch/read interviews, check box office numbers even and stare in awe when they show a special technique or smg they used.

and i mainly always thought "well i just have a passion for it but its nothing that outstanding, right? people look these stuff up when then love smg, right?" well. 😶

then not too long ago i realized im not only adhd but autistic as well. and that the reason why this passion (and need to be involved in the making) never really left, even when i myself gave up on it, is bc its my special interest.

so now im slowly approaching crossroads bc on the one hand i have a stable corporate job with good routines at home. but on the other if i dont "give in" to my special interest i feel my soul will wither. but also im sososcared 👍

in summary:

[whovianwholikesgirls]

Kate and Jonathan being pinning idiots in love during Will’s fucking funeral in s1 lol

God, he’s so fucking beauitful, Kate thought to themselves. Which was highly inappropriate considering that at this moment they were at Will’s funeral. They missed him, not as much as Jonathan and Joyce obviously, but they still felt this missing piece whenever they stayed over at the Byers’ house. Now was not the time to be thinking about how good Jonathan looked in his suit.

You’re just looking at them as a distraction to your grief. That’s not fair to them, or to yourself. Fuck! Now they’re looking at you, Byers. Nice going! Jonathan had to shift his attention now though because the service was starting. His face burned the entire time because instead of grieving his brother, all he could think about was how Kate’s eyes met his.

There was a line of tension between them that he wanted to snap. At that moment, he didn’t care where he was because his world became Kate. All he wanted to do was to walk across the field where his brother was being buried, take the hand of the person who had been his best friend since he was six, and drive. He didn’t care where he drove, he just knew that he felt better when all that existed was him, Kate, and whatever cassette they decided they wanted as the soundtrack to their drive. Kate always picked R.E.M’s Murmur and Jonathan always felt himself get butterflies whenever he thought about the fact that an album that he had introduced his best friend to on a whim, had not only become one of their favorite albums but also the soundtrack to his favorite moments with them.

One of his favorite things in the world was when one of Kate’s favorite songs from either album would start playing, he would feel them take his hand and squeeze. Jonanthan, this is it!! It’s my song!! He believed it, he believed that Michael Stipe and Peter Buck had written “Perfect Circle” and “West of the Fields” just for them.

He felt a familiar pressure on his hand that brought him out of his daydream.

“The service was nice.” They said, “and you….. Well, you look nice.”

“Thanks,” he said, hoping they didn’t spend too long calling his name or anything while he daydreamed about them. That would be embarrassing. “You look nice too.”

They blushed. “Listen, I totally understand if you want to stay here and support your mom or spend some more time with Will. Honestly, it’s probably selfish of me to ask but-“

He didn’t let them finish that thought. “Yes. Yes, I want to get out of here. And it’s never selfish for you to ask to spend time together, ever.”

He took both of their hands in his because it felt like the thing he needed to do to ground himself in order to admit the next part. He didn’t give himself time to overthink what that might mean, he just knew that they needed to hear this.

“Spending time with you has been the one, no actually, the only thing that has kept me sane. Not just now but honestly since the moment I met you when we were six and the very first thing you said to me was, ‘do you like to read?’ Then we spent the entire day comparing bookshelves. Okay now I’m rambling but just….” He took a deep breath, “Never doubt how much I want to spend time with you.”

They grinned. “Noted. Come on, let’s get out of here. It’s been a long day and we deserve one of our usual driving dates with Michael, Peter, Mike, and Bill.”

Date. The word made Jonathan’s head swim.

This is the other mini fic to make it out of the Google doc and into the Tumblr blog @anything-thats-rock-and-roll @itsfreakingbats

In the self shipping community here, ships have a tagline that’s not just their ship name. I’m thankful for Kristen’s brain for coming up w mine🥰🥰🥰🥰 They give me butterflies🫣🥹🥹🥹🥹

[motownfiction]

historic

August 14, 2017. One of those historic days, as far as Emma O’Connor is concerned. If she ever got the chance to go back and see a day in her life play out, that’s the day she would choose. She wouldn’t want to do it differently. She’d just want to watch it like a movie. August 14, 2017. One of the most special days of Emma’s whole life. It’s the day she met Daisy Feng. 

As a kid, Emma was never very good at making friends. When she was very little, she tried – asked other kids to play at recess, sat down at lunch tables she wasn’t even invited to, brought Scooby-Doo fruit snacks to school because that’s what all the other kids ate. But it never really worked. She knew she was faking, and they knew she was faking. Nobody wants a faker for a friend. Even fewer people want a friend who watches reruns of Newhart in the 2000s.

And all her life, that seems to be the consensus. Emma O’Connor is too weird to have friends, too smart, too different. Every now and then, people like her, but they’re really just looking for help with their homework or an in with Mom at CCNY. Mom says her life would have been like that if she hadn’t moved to Michigan and met Sadie. The thought sticks in Emma’s brain, and she’s determined to find her own Sadie. She decides it’s one of the most important goals in life, much more important than finding a husband one day. Mom is who she is because Sadie loved her first, probably even before Daddy (though it would break Dad’s heart to hear it said). Elenore didn’t have a Sadie, and look what happened to her.

It seems like all hope is lost. Emma’s twenty-two now, the holder of a bachelor’s degree, and she still has no real friends to her name. No Sadie of her own. Mom shakes her head and says that’s ridiculous. She doesn’t need her own Sadie because she’s already friends with the real one. Just because she’s my friend doesn’t mean she’s not yours, Mom says. She’s trying to be kind. She’s trying to be understanding. But if she only knew how hard it is to strike out on your own. Emma shares all this, and Mom just draws her close and says she hopes that when she starts at Columbia next month, she hopes Emma finds a best friend who likes eating raw cookie dough, listening to the Easy Rider soundtrack, and looking at the moon. It seems impossible.

And then, like nothing, it’s August 14, 2017. Emma’s first day at Columbia, where she’ll earn her master’s degree in film studies. She’s shuffled into an office with another new student in the program, Daisy Feng. Daisy is a year older than Emma, four inches taller, and a million times more gregarious. When Emma opens her door and finds Daisy there, she looks at her from behind purple-rimmed glasses and smiles like they’re old friends. And somehow, even with her guard up high above her head, Emma knows it’s OK. Knows she should look at Daisy like they’re old friends, too.

Turns out to be the right choice. There’s nobody in the world cooler than Daisy. Her last name means phoenix, and she’s fond of saying she rose from the ashes (a year off between her bachelor’s and master’s, where she worked in a bakery and accidentally burned a few too many loaves of bread, on account of listening to the radio and getting distracted). She’s from Toledo, Ohio, land of Spaghetti Warehouses and some of the world’s most overrated sundaes. At least, according to Daisy, who couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. She studies sixties counterculture in Hollywood movies, and her favorite movie soundtrack of all time is Easy Rider. When Emma asks her why, Daisy just nods and says, “I, too, had too much to dream last night.”

It’s not a lie, either, and you can tell. Daisy always looks like she’s this close to snapping her fingers and telling you she has magic powers. Her wit is incredible, but once she decides you’re her friend, that’s it. You’re her friend for life. Mom says she’s a combination of Daddy and Sam that way, which Emma’s proud of. If you can’t find your own Sadie, she thinks, might as well find your own Sam.

Before long, Emma O’Connor and Daisy Feng go everywhere together. Out for coffee. To the movies. To weird trivia contests upstate, where they take home the prize money every time, much to the townies’ chagrin. When Emma thinks she could fall in love with the second-year student in their women filmmakers class, she tells Daisy even before she tells Elenore; when Daisy finally kisses her bartender crush from that place upstate, she calls Emma into the bathroom and squeals with her about it. Before long, it’s a given. Wherever Emma goes, she knows Daisy goes. The best friend she’s always been looking for. Not a Sadie of her own. Not even a Sam. Just a Daisy.

Thank goodness.

[bloodofthefates]

x. mun meme from @gloriousxdarkness​

3. How often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?      Literally every single time I write even a sentence. While writing replies in separate documents because I’ve been burned far too many times on losing posts trying to write direct replies on tumblr, I almost always have some kind of thesaurus tab open because my brain gets so picky about alliterative word choices or better descriptive words for things and suddenly I can’t remember a single word I’ve ever learned.

5. Do you listen to music while your write?

     Abso-fuckin-lutely. There honestly isn’t much I do in life that doesn’t come with a soundtrack; I literally listen to music all the time. Writing is no different and it’s almost always thread mood related or specific character playlists. Sometimes I even combine ambient like YouTube world sounds while also playing music but sometimes it can be too overstimulating. Classical or melodical music is required some days so I don’t focus on lyrics instead of words I’m writing but like most of these answers; it all just depends on who I’m writing for or for what. 11. When you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

     Usually? Not very far. In a very Doctor Strange kind of way, I envision a lot of possible scenarios or overall outcomes of how different actions could lead to the thread going in various directions but I never make full decisions for my characters ahead of time. It’s pretty organic character choices and emotions in the moment of a reply where I feel like I’m just the conduit with no real control and whichever character I’m writing for is in the driver’s seat at the time. 

14. What do you do after you see a person has replied? Do you read it immediately, or do you wait for it to show up on the dash? Do you like it, draft it immediately, etc.?

     I am a literal kid in a candy store; I get so excited to read replies and things that people write for me whether I’m tagged in headcanons, meme replies, drabbles or whatever about our character relationships and dynamics. I’m an instant gratification bitch and read it immediately whether I’m at home on my computer or out in public on my phone. I’m reading it as soon as it is posted. If I’m on mobile, I’ll usually like the post to remember to come back to it. If I’m on my computer I usually send it to drafts right away to try and keep track of everything. I should learn to use thread trackers because I feel like I lose and forget everything all the time though it’s a really bad system lol. 19. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

     Lately? Apparently owing anyone anything at all is enough to send my anxiety into a tailspin because I just really struggle with creative energies when so burnt out from work and real life. I find I tend to not even want to log in even around 6-10 drafts because I can find it hard to feel like I even do a good job with a single reply in a matter of hours and it’s probably something I owed from months or years ago. I truly always feel like an awful writing partner because I’m really hard on myself for not being able to just CRANK out replies like my brain once did and that is usually pretty defeatist in itself for me.  20. If you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

     It depends on how mad I get with myself? I will sometimes write up incoherent lines or parts of lines I like and leave them to come back to; I generally write in a pretty stream of consciousness way and I’m not sure what that says about me. But there are more than enough times I scrap everything because I re-read it and I’m like what are you even trying to say right now you pretentious bitch? Or it just feels so bland and robotic like a first grader wrote it. I’ll delete the whole page.  24. What’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

     I can’t format worth a fig. I sometimes get really overwhelmed by the graphics side of tumblr rp because so many people are so talented and proficient with fancy formatting things and I really don’t care about my own and feel really outdated and obsolete for only writing in simple text. Paragraph/grammar rules form and trying to use smaller fonts and being really plain is what allows me to just write to be able to write but there’s definitely no rules. I’ve really been trying to let myself be okay with going icon-less and JUST writing but I never know what other peoples’ judgments or perceptions are because I don’t do anything icon or graphics related. I’m pretty rudimentary? Like even carrd? Seems super cool, always get too frustrated to learn to do it myself and here we are!

[jayswritings13]

Multi-fandom: What else can I do?

Song: What Else Can I Do? By Diane Guerrero and Stephanie Beatriz

Plot: Shedding their perfect image and family expectations, various characters truly discover how much of their life was for others and not for themselves, with some help and encouragement from you, of course.

Characters: Courtney (Total Drama), Samantha LaRussso (Cobra Kai), Adrien Agreste (Miraculous), Quinn Fabray (Glee), Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls), and Audrey Rose (Descendants)

Note: I have been listening to Encanto’s soundtrack on repeat since I saw the movie.

💗Masterlist | WIP Page

🎵What could I do if I just knew it didn't need to be perfect?🎵

Courtney (Total Drama)

Takes place after TDWT

Courtney was never too close to her parents

But she didn't have to be to feel the weight of their expectations and standards on her every time she walked into the kitchen, hopeful for their adoration and pride.

Though, she hasn't gotten it yet.

With both of her parents being in highly respected careers, Courtney knew from the young age of 5 that if she was going to capture their attention, she needed to be that.

She needed to be something big and intelligent.

It actually took a while for Courtney to land on lawyer, as for she was considering president or surgeon for the longest time

But with this big dream, came even bigger expectations from her parents.

Not that Courtney wasn't ready to meet the challenge, because she was.

Well, until Total Drama seemed to have ruined what she spent years working on.

She's spent years on that show being humiliated by Chris, Heather, Gwen, Duncan, Harold, Alejandro, etc...

She could probably go on forever.

"That show ruined me!"

"Court-"

"My parents won't even answer my calls! I'm their disappointment!"

"You don't know that Court!"

"They called and told me so the day after the first season finished airing, (Y/N)!" Courtney huffed, "I was 16! I only cared about winning the money! I only cared about Duncan back then! I have been trying so hard to get back into their good graces ever since the island. I was so close this season! I felt it!"

Silence.

You kept your eyes on Courtney's form, shaking from rage.

"Court, you don't need them." You said, slowly taking a step forward, and grabbing Courtney's fist in your hand, holding softly. "You're amazing. You don't need them. You don't need their judgement. If they can't accept you as you are, then you don't need them."

"I-uh," Courtney narrowed her eyes over at you, mind racing with her next possible words.

She wasn't always used to others saying such genuinely nice things about her.

Her parents only ever had criticisms and critiques for her.

And here she was being praised like she's wanted all her life and she didn't know what to say back.

Courtney wasn't sure how to even begin to describe her feelings at that moment. But she knew that she wanted to try, at least.

"Well, (Y/N), I-uh-" She paused, losing her train of thought as she saw your smile brighten. "Thanks. I can always count on you."

"Of course." You grinned, "Now take a deep breath, okay. You were shaking there pretty badly."

"Yeah, yeah." Courtney dismissed, "I'll be fine."

"Oh, how can you be so sure?"

"You're by my side. Things are always a little better with you."

"A little?"

"Okay, more than a little." She clarified, turning her face away from yours, as her face burned.

Samantha LaRusso (Cobra Kai)

Takes place during Season 4

Being a LaRusso came with some certain.....expectations from her dad and her mom.

But mostly her dad, who had the giant moral compass that he instilled in her and Anthony since before they could talk.

Sam didn't really feel the pressure to be who her parents want her to be until she reached high school.

It got even worse once her junior year hit, and college was on everyone's brain.

Samantha never knew what she wanted to do growing up.

At first, she assumed that she'd want to study science and be some kind of chemist.

Lately, she hasn't felt particularly fond of that vision.

It didn't help that Daniel and Amanda pushed college onto her all the time, especially Stanford.

"You're practically a shoe in, Sam!" Daniel beamed, "I mean with your grades and unique extra-curriculars, they would insane not to accept you."

Would it be insane if I said no? Sam wanted to say.

"What are you writing about for your college essay, Sam?" You asked, pushing aside your computer slightly, to get a better view of her sitting across from you. "Everything I start to write about sucks."

"Huh...." Sam quickly snapped her attention to you and away from her thoughts. "I don't know yet." She muttered. "I haven't thought about it."

"You?" You scoffed. "With your dad and mom? Not think about it? I'm surprised that they haven't made you write it already."

"Yeah," She smiled, forcing out a small laugh. "They tried, but they've been busy with Anthony lately and all this Cobra Kai-Eagle Fang-Miyagi-Do feud." She paused, suddenly feeling brave. "Besides, I'm not so sure writing one is a good idea anyway."

"No?" Sam nodded, biting down on her lip, unable to meet your gaze. "Okay. I mean, college isn't for everyone. Some people want to go and some don't."

"Really?"

"Hmm." You hummed, catching Sam's look of relief, "Have you told your parents, yet?"

"No. I don't know how to tell them. I mean, they dreamed of me becoming something successful since I was young. They always pushed me to go to college." She sighed, "I'm not sure if saying no to that is anything that they'll accept."

"You don't need college to be successful, you know. Plenty of people are successful without it." You said.

"I don't even have a backup plan to tell them. I don't know what I want to do with my life."

"That's fine, Sam."

"Is it?! Because from where I'm standing it seems like everyone has their shit figured out except for me!" Sam roared, fire burning in her eyes, "Miguel, Moon, Aisha, Demetri...."

"Some people figure it out quicker than others." You said, "Look at my parents, they didn't figured their shit out until a few years ago. You're allowed to change your mind, Sam."

Silence. You could practically hear the gears turning in hear head, battling about her revelation and how to tell her parents this.

"Listen," You reached forward, grabbing her hand, "I bet that they'll support you. It may take a while given your dad's overreaction to things sometimes..." you added with a chuckle, causing a laugh out of the brunette. "As long as you're happy, Sam."

"You're so cheesy!"

"Yeah, yeah," You said, smiling brightly as the sound of Sam's laugh rang in your ears. "It made you laugh and smile, which I am always more than happy to make happen."

"Thank you...." Sam cooed, a light smile still tugging at her lips. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know. I guess that I'm just a lifesaver." You smirked, as Sam chuckled at your response.

Adrien Agreste (Miraculous)

Takes place in between seasons 3 and 4

Adrien was never really truly interested in modeling.

Or fashion.

Or really anything that his father pushed him to do.

He was pretty interested in physics though and considered studying it along with chemistry in university.

He never brought it up to his dad before, because every attempt at bring up school was always shot down in favor of more photoshoots and campaigns.

He didn't want to sound ungrateful, but Adrien was not interested in continuing to be a well-known model.

He just wished that his father respected that.

So when Adrien got the chance to be Chat Noir it was great.

He was given a chance to be whoever he wanted without criticism and disappointment from his father.

"It's not enough anymore."

"What isn't?"

"This model Adrien stuff. I got to actually find and be myself as Chat Noir." Adrien said.

"I know. I can see how much you like it."

"I want it to be like that all the time. I want to be me all the time."

"So, why can't you?"

"Come on, you know why." Adrien scoffed. "My dad would never even begin to let that happen. I'm lucky that I even get to go to school with all of you."

"Listen, I know how much your dad means to you and all, but if this is going to make you happy, don't you think that you should start living for Adrien and a little less for Gabriel?"

"I don't even know where to begin!"

"Maybe baby steps....?" You grinned, causing Adrien's face to break out with a smile.

"Something small.....?" Adrien repeated, glancing over at you as you nodded.

"Something small and easy to start." You said, "Then keep going from there."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"You still have Chat Noir to be yourself with." You grinned, "And I see how much fun you have when your Chat. You love it."

"I do, I really I do."

"Well, you're not gonna get to be Chat all the time if you don't take the first step!"

"Alright, alright. I get it." Adrien said, "I'll think of something small. Thanks for the help."

"Of course, Adrien." You said, "You got this."

Quinn Fabray (Glee)

Takes place in near the end of Season one, right before Quinn delivers her baby

Perfection was something that Quinn was well acquainted with.

Her father always told her that Fabrays deserved and earned nothing but the gold standard.

Her mother wasn't as hard on this perfection thing as much as her dad was, especially with her.

Both often set their sights on Frannie.

So Quinn pushed and pushed her way into their attentions.

Once she got their attention, Quinn was determined to everything in her power to make sure that they both saw her nothing short of that perfect little girl.

And once Frannie left for college, keeping her parents' attention proved to be easier than ever.

All she had to do was be the perfect, good student, Christian daughter that her father dreamed of.

Well, that was until Quinn got pregnant at the age 16.

Head Cheerio, Straight A/B student, president of the Chasity club.

Her.

The image and world that she had spent years and years building up, came crumbling down as soon as Finn pressed play on that boom box, proclaiming through song how proud he was that she was having his baby.

Everything around her shattered.

Finn found out the true father of the baby. Puck didn't know that first thing about taking care of a baby. Cheerios kicked her out. Her parents kicked her out.

The lack of time she spent trying to perfect cheer routines and plotting ways for her prom domination was now spent in reflection.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Hmmm. I know that it's not nothing, Q." You said, "You have that look on your face."

"What if I can't get things back to how there were before?" She whispered, almost afraid that if said out loud it was bound to come true.

"Q, the cheerios will take you back. Sue always had a soft spot for you, and you know that."

"What if I don't want to be like it was before?" Quinn added.

Silence.

"You don't have to do it all like how it was before, Q." You said, "No one's forcing you."

"I just don't want to be stuck doing things that make me unhappy."

"And you shouldn't have to." You said. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"I-It's just that carrying my baby and stuff got me thinking about how I really wasn't living for myself. I was living for my parents. I was doing things because I thought that they might be proud of me." Quinn sighed, "I'm tired of it. Glee and Cheerios were the only things that I chose myself."

"You should do things that make you happy, Q."

"You make me happy." Quinn grinned. "Can I keep you around?"

"Hmmm...." You smiled, "I don't know I usually don't date cheerleaders, but I think that we can make it work."

Pacifica Northwest (Gravity Falls)

Takes place during Weirdmagedeon, after Pacifica takes refugee with the Pines family.

Pacifica had every she could ever want.

She was a Northwest with a rich family and an ever richer family history.

One that she was ready to recite detail for detail about when asked.

After all, she didn't spend months and months learning and memorizing it with her father for nothing.

Er, well, her father's closest butler, that is.

Growing up, Pacifica learned fast what was acceptable and what wasn't.

Her parents made sure that she was aware.

"If you do that again, you'll drop the Northwest name!"

That threat always played on a loop inside of her head.

All day. Everyday.

"I'm surprised to see you here." You remarked, glancing over as Pacifica sat down next to you inside the Mystery Shack. "I figured that your dad had some secret end of the world bunker with all the money he had."

"Please, like I have the time to explain it to you." Pacifica crossed her arms.

"I mean, look around." You laughed, "I think that you kind of do."

Silence.

"Listen, Pacifica," You sighed, "We're all here, fighting the same crazy demon, so it's okay to not have your guard up. We're all just trying to survive right now."

More silence. You were pretty sure that Pacifica was already dismissing everything that you were saying to her anyway.

"They left me."

"What?"

"I said," Pacifica rolled her eyes, sighing, "They left me. My dad got his face rearranged and my mom went off somewhere. I don't know."

"Pacifica," You said, "I'm sorry that they did that."

"It's whatever." Pacifica shrugged. "They always looked out for themselves anyway."

At that moment, you never wanted to give Pacifica Northwest a hug more.

Sitting next to her, it was hard to ignore the sadness and annoyance radiating off of Pacifica.

"Well, you have us. And no offense, I've been around your parents. They would have made this a lot more of a downer than it already is."

"Well, they made their choice." Pacifica said, a light smile on her face. "I made mine."

"Oh, look at you disrespecting Mommy and Daddy's orders,"

"I'm serious. I'm done listening to them. They didn't care enough to stay with me during the end of the world."

"Well, the Mystery Shack is always welcoming to visitors." You grinned, "I mean, I can't speak for the others, but I like having you around."

"Well, if this means anything, I don't totally hate being around you either."

"I'll take it."

Audrey Rose (Descendants)

Takes place after the events of the first movie

Audrey's parents were very supportive, but often not too active in her life, consulting with Ben's parents and the other royals that made up the court of Auradon.

So Audrey pretty much grew up with Queen Leah always around, as not only did Queen Leah want to spend time with her granddaughter, but also Aurora.

Given the way that the court of royals worked within Auradon, there was a lot of competition for Queen of Auradon.

And that didn't even include the others who weren't of royal descent.

And Queen Leah was hell-bent on getting her second chance through Audrey to do everything right.

This also meant that by extension that Audrey had to do everything right.

Audrey had her life pretty much planned out by her grandmother, Queen Leah.

And as a young girl, Audrey looked up to her and idolized her so much.

Everything was going according to plan until Mal and those other Isle kids came to Auradon.

Audrey knew it as soon as that purple-haired isle kid stepped onto Auradon land.

There was nothing Audrey could do, her ticket as Queen of Auradon quickly disappeared.

"She won't stop calling me!"

"24 times so far. She's really trying hard today." You said, glancing up at Audrey, "Maybe you should talk to her....?"

"I don't need to. I know what she's going to say." Audrey stated, crossing her arms, and tossing her phone back into her bag.

"You don't know that for sure, Auds."

"I do." Audrey's eyes snapped up to yours. "I do know that. I grew up with her. That crap has been the soundtrack of my life!" She paused, sighing, slumping back into her seat. "I'm tired of it."

You stayed silent, eyes trained on Audrey's figure, watching as she sunk lower and lower into her chair.

"You don't have to."

"What...?"

"Try." You said, reaching over to grab Audrey's hand, "You don't have to try so hard. Beating yourself up over letting your grandmother down is not going to help."

"I can't." Audrey murmured, "I don't know the real me."

"She's somewhere. I'm sure that if anyone can find her, it's you."

Audrey wasn't sure what to say, her mind working quickly to process the words you had just uttered.

You believed in her.

Wholeheartedly

No conditions or expectations

"I'll find her." She muttered. "It's me, after all."

"See? Looks like, you've found a little bit of her already." You joked.

🎵It just needed to be? And they let me be?🎵

[junimain]

I was tagged by @callmeshei to talk about some albums I’ve been listening to! Most people have been doing 9 but I listen to playlists more than albums so I’ve got 6 to talk about :)

How to be a Human Being by Glass Animals: this one is the one I’ve currently got on repeat. The sound is very glass animals which I like, and it’s an interesting concept for an album! Each song features a different character’s story, many of which are based on strangers the band had brief encounters with while on tour. The story behind “Mama’s Gun” in particular is wild and makes the song that much more interesting. A bop from beginning to end, even if the line about mayonnaise takes me out of it every time.

Puberty 2 by Mitski: I love Mitski, she’s my favourite artist, and Puberty 2 is my favourite album. I found this album after seeing one of her posts on here from when she used to have a tumblr, it was her singing A Burning Hill and she mentioned writing it at 4am the night before. Anyway, I love the album itself and I’ve listened to it hundreds of times. The varied sound of the songs, from the rough and angry to the desperately sad as well as the relatable metaphors and beautiful wordplay all contribute to how amazing this album is. I thoroughly enjoy all of mitski’s albums but this one has a special place in my heart due to the memories I have from listening to it and it being my first exposure to her music.

Look Up by The Altogether: some fun and simple acoustic guitar, but this time featuring Brian David Gilbert. Not exactly a revolutionary album but I like listening to him sing, and “Sophie” is a particularly nice listen.

Punch by Autoheart: ohohoho Autoheart. There’s something about the flow of the songs and the way the lead’s voice vacillates that scratches my brain in exactly the right way. These are the kind of songs I could loop and stare at the ceiling and before I know it the day would be over. Especially the four absolute bangers in the middle of the album, “Lent,” “Moscow,” “The Sailor Song,” and “Hungover in the City of Dust.” How do they do it

Your City Gave Me Asthma by Wilbur Soot: I don’t have much to say on the actual contents of this album except that I swear I can hear a discord notif at 1:11ish every time I listen to “I’m sorry Boris.” I only listen to this album when I’m in a sad mood… so I do hear it quite frequently lol. It was very much a first quarantine anthem alongside puberty 2! For some reason about half the time that I do put it on I end up accidentally falling asleep which I’m not mad about, I could use a good nap every now and then, thank you Wilbur for the Sad Nap soundtrack tm

Pebble Brain by Lovejoy: honestly? I don’t think I’d like lovejoy’s music if I hadn’t already been into Wilbur’s. It’s quite generic except for the ending of The Fall, and I do like that section a lot. If I was asked for music recommendations, this album wouldn’t be on my list but i do like it so I have been listening to it.

tagging @shurareblog @journal-three @chronophobica @ginsalilbattery @thechildoftwilight @confusion-bunny and anyone else who sees this that wants to do it! I need more music to listen to

[engineer-in-space]

a simple call of the wild review that is totally professional and not way too detailed by me (February)

It's gonna be a bit of comparing to previous powerwolf albums/songs and remember everything is my own opinion. If you disagree/agree we may talk about it in a civilized way, I actually love talking to others about this shit!

But otherwise (hate, insults, etc.) you can keep your opinion somewhere where I can't see it :) Also, the album has barely been out for a day and things change with time and I may grow to like certain things more. (but there's not too much that I don't like tbh) But I hope you enjoy this metalhead-gremlin's ramblings!

Faster than the flame

I had to listen to it quite a few times before I could say anything about it. It's a powerful start into the new album, however, it is (as previously stated) powerful but didn't blow me away like the first songs on the previous albums. (Fire &forgive, Blessed &possessed, amen & attack - wait am I just now noticing a pattern here? oh my god. Anyway.) Maybe I got that personal feeling that I want it to be Fire & Forgive, which is, of course, not possible and would be boring. So i think I'm not even critizing the song but rather the order of the songs.

It feels like a typical powerwolf song; both lyrics and instrumental. Fast, heavy, something about flames and burning - awesome. The two Latin parts (I think it's called the pre-chorus? man, I have no idea and will just throw around these words because my internet connection is too bad to look this up. But if you listen, you'll know which parts I mean.) already give me goosebumps. I also really, really liked the bridge (again?? idk??) aka the "flame, flame, burning wild in heavens name" part. This was the most memorable part for me after the first time listening. Of course, the guitar arrangement throughout the whole song is just... god bless. I must say that using the word "pastor" is dangerous because my stupid brain keeps thinking Attila is singing about "pasta" again... Oh well, moving on!

Beast of Gevaudan

Man, I've been listening almost non-stop since it was released as a single! At first, my head was comparing it somewhat to army of the night but after a few times this feeling was gone and it became an awesome new idea/song. The choir and orchestra part are so well placed and support the rest of the instrumental and Attila's voice perfectly. Again, much fast, very powermetal. I've grown very fond of the guitar solo. The lyrics tell us a little about the story of the beast and I. Love. Storytelling. In. Songs. Glad matthew finally came around to put his idea out there!

This song also has a video, which left me speechless at first. I love Attila's acting so much??? And making this sort of their own story of Jesus was such a cool idea. Production is high quality as well (didn't expect anything less after The Sacrament of Sin MVs) and there were really nice shots in there. I doubt that I will get tired of this song and this video anytime soon!

Dancing with the dead

That choir stuff in the beginning, following by that awesome guitar riff already had me. I couldn't stop listening to this one either. This might be, in my opinion, the most catchy song on the whole album. The intruments are in perfect harmony with Attila's heavenly voice. The transition into the guitar solo is so damn smooth and well done. I'm having a whole crisis about how good this song is.

The lyrics are interesting too! Again, there's a story to be told. As far as I can interpret it, being introduced to some darker powers and growing to enjoy them, despite previously having lots of faith, is what's going on here. It has this slight feeling of... corruption (in a good way of course). This makes me want to go dancing (with the dead)

This one also has a video! Once again, very high quality. Every band member had their "special moments/shots" and just looked stunning. But Attila left them all behind this time. Slow dancing, in a suit, with that smirk on his lips??? Well done, my dude.

Varcolac

This one's dark and heavy. It brings me back to the good ol' times of Lupus Dei and Bible of the Beast. Just with more orchestra, choir and overall harmony. It makes me so happy that Powerwolf is using so many real life legends and figures on this album! And they did such a good job with them as well. If this song was alive, it would be a scary beast.

The typical metal elements and orchestra/choir parts are very well balanced. And the organ throughout the whole song is fitting. It supports the dark and sinister feeling of the whole thing. My favourite part may be the "And as army we bing fire..." parts! Man, I just love werewolves. Also, I think Attila's famous gibberish singing made a return in this one!

Alive or undead

Oh boy,here we go. The piano in this one is incredible. "Here we STAAAAAAND!" Goosebumps and shivers. Everything about this is so emotional andreading the lyrics while listening just makes me want to cry, ok?! T_T Powerwolf has become so flexible, exploring different ways to make music. This could have been some kind of typical powermetal song but it's not and I'm glad about it.

Even if it's a little different, they never stray to far from what makes them special. The few parts, reminding one of typical church music would not have been necessary but are appreciated! They know when to leave out the guitars and go slowly. What bothers me a little, is that it somehow feels like Attila's voice had a tiny bit more potential up to the chorus. It could've been a little bit softer? if i can put it that way. But honestly this song is raw emotion and everything still fits together. If you thought their first ballad was emotional, buckle up, this one kicked me right in the feels.

Blood for blood (Faoladh)

Powerwolf ventures again into the folk metal territory and successfully conquers it! Could be a headline of something. Anyway, this song is a very worthy successor of Incense & Iron! It just makes me happy, its melody is so light - combined with your typical Powerwolf lyrics. Perfect song to start jumping up and down! It radiates motivational energy. Just like Dancing with the dead, this song has a very smooth transition to the guitar parts.

The melody is strong but still easy enough to quickly get into it! I can barely sit still and write this aaaa. Seriously, I am just happy with this song and will go jump and headbang a while to it!

Glaubenskraft

I have returned from jumping and oh no. It's a German song. Bold of them to go all out on that Latin beginning... it works really well though! It might be because I'm German but this song hits hard. Very hard. It's not easy to make this language sound good and ( if you don't happen to know much about German) the lyrics consist of a bunch of old words and grammar you wouldn't normally use anymore. But they made it fucking work!!! The quiet verses only make the pre-chorus and chorus itself heavier and blow me away. And SOMEHOW this super epic song with (made up, at least I'm pretty sure they don't exist like that) Latin words is about.. you know what Powerwolf writes about a lot. And I LOVE that. It's so subtle and only if you read into it, you're like "wait a minute".

This song has a feeling of corruption too. But not in a good way this time. It feels evil and intimidating and - honestly, I can't get enough of it. Everyone of my neighbours will think I'm some kind of weird Christian fanatic because I WILL yell "Glaubenskraft" just as much as I yelled "Stossgebet". Worth it, tho.

Call of the wild

The song with the same title as the album! (or the other way around, whatever.) This song is just catchy from the beginning to the end. Like many other songs its fast and hard. Just how I like it. Don't take that out of context.

The lyrics and instruments go wild (haha get it), with a really neat Latin pre-chorus. It's very fun to listen to. Personally, it makes me feel like I belong to the pack. That we're strong together, that we can say fuck it once in a while and just go crazy. The chanted part near the end of the song reminds me strongly of Sanctified with dynamite (ya know "die, die dynamite" and "call, call, call of the wild") and it's really cool they pick up on old things once again. Be it intentional or not. It's a reminder that they still are who they were back then - and their music is still fucking incredible.

Simply an epic song, strong vocals, strong guitars. I really, really like the intro. Attila has to sing so many words in such little time, does he even need to breathe now and then?

Now I'm wondering what came first; the album title or the track title? Chicken or the egg?

Sermon of swords

First of all: WHAT IS THAT OMINOUS VOICE IN THE BEGINNING. Mark me down as horny and scared. Ahem.

I really like how the verse and the chorus have their own theme and melody going on and yet they're connected. The chorus is super catchy too! And just say it yourself "Sermon of swords", how cool does it sound??? The choir in the beginning is a really neat introduction into the whole song. The lyrics match the whole album, very much a soundtrack to go on a crusade to, like Raise your fist, Evangelist or Christ & Combat. Just... "AAMEEN!" Ok, I'm actually going insane here, calm down, Feb. These might be my favourite lyrics of the whole album I think?? (unless I said that somewhere else already, then i have more than one favourite.)

The whole song has a more "classical" feeling to it, not only in the Powerwolf sense but also in the Heavy Metal sense in general. BUT. Orchestra and choir are prefectly mixed, especially supporting Attila in the chorus. The guitar solo is really cool and sounds very Greywolf-y, if you know what I mean. It's just Matthew's style.

Undress to confess

The name of this song says it all. This is your friendly reminder that no matter how much they preach about Jesus or the Devil, Powerwolf should not be taken too seriously. When I first saw the title I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

The melody is pretty catchy and easy to remember, the organ and general approach reminds me of Demons are a girl's best friend. I absolutely love how the lyrics are on that thin line of somewhat poetic and ridiculous. Let me provide two examples here: "all the world we posess for desire and sin we carress" - man, this sounds pretty.

And there's also "dressed to hide the dark, and obsessed to ride him hard on the.... crucifix." Yeah, I... I don't know what I expected here. Anyway, this is how you describe church sex without actually using explicit words. (why are you booing me, i'm right)

Still really nice to listen to and have a good time!

Reverent of rats

We arrived at the last song of the album! And here we picked up on the speed and power again! The way the organ is played during the verses makes it so... sinister. Again, this piece reminds me of Lupus Dei. The verses keep the sinister feeling while the chorus picks up more... drama? An epic melody mixed with epic words make my soul ascend to heaven.

This guitar solo is also the absolute good shit. It might be my favourite from all the songs of this album?! Additionally, the drums? I don't know why but they really stand out here. Love how fast paced they are.

Aaaaand that's it! If you've read all the way through holy shit, you are actually a badass. Thank you for staying with me, my werewolf friend. Maybe we'll meet where the wild wolves have gone. But always remember: Metal is religion.

[kanadabiscuits]

1, 2, 15, 21

1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

I love this one. Okay: Read: Swallows and Amazons, Anne of Green Gables, Lord of the Rings, the first four books of The Wheel of Time, Foucault's Pendulum and essay books by Umberto Eco. Watch: MASH, The West Wing, anything MCU (but particularly The Winter Soldier), A Flight of Dragons, Willow, and LOST. Listen: Stan Rogers, Peter Gabriel, Billy Joel, Sarah McLachlan, Annie Lennox, Queen. But the key ones for me are Peter Gabriel's Passion: The Soundtrack to The Last Temptation of Christ which has been my steadfast companion and answer to all moods since the early 90s, Stan Rogers' Between the Breaks Live, and Queen's A Kind of Magic.

2. Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

No? I have devoured books for years and always I am left with this feeling of awe that these worlds spun out of someone's brain... Honestly, the only author with whom I have felt a glimmer of that kind of synergy would be our long out of fandom, beloved Mimsy @borogroves. When she was writing 100 Days, she tapped into my subconscious. I found myself lost in her words and her imagery in a way that felt like I was remembering a dream or in ways that very specifically pulled at my own memories. It was wonderful. That was my favourite WIP to ever follow along with.

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

Is this influential for me specifically? That's how I read this so that's what I'm going with! - Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco - Swallows and Amazons, Arthur Ransome - My Side of the Mountain, Jean Craighead George - Island of the Blue Dolphins, Scott O'Dell - Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

21. Do you love easily?

I fall hard and fast... but it tends to burn out fast too because unless they also need buckets of alone time, I end up getting resentful of their constant presence. I know, fickle bitch, right? Also, I know I can love too intensely in the moment. In both the romantic and platonic sense. I sort of get overwhelmed by affection which can be easily mistaken for interest in a way I do not intend. I have learned not to put how I feel in writing because in trying to express my gratitude for friendship or support I sometimes end up unintentionally proclaiming my love.

[thenineofus]

i was tagged by @carlpalmer

who was your first favourite artist? Legião Urbana first but my first obsession was 30 Seconds to Mars

who are your current favourite? Pink Floyd, My Chemical Romance, ELP, The Who, The Cure, David Bowie and Nick Drake

are you into musicals? which ones/why not? I love musicals, some of my favorites are The Rocky Horror Show, Sweeney Todd, Les Miserables, Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812, A Chorus Line, Tanz der Vampire and yes.... Phantom of the Opera

are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? No, I love ruining great songs for myself, nothing is sacred

what’s your preferred way of listening to music?  (time of day, medium, situation) I prefer to listen to music in LPs at home or on my ipod when outside, any time I can, really.

what would you say is the most niche music you listen to? Maybe horror movie soundtracks?

what’s your favourite music related movie/tv show that’s not a musical? I have been listening so much to Last Night in Soho's soundtrack, but for original score let's say The Burning by Rick Wakeman.

albums or playlists? Albums

favourite albums? The Wall, Tommy, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, Clockwork Angels, Brain Salad Surgery, Bryter Layter, In the Court of the Crimson King, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, say when

is there an artist you’re trying to get into? Sparks, blame Edgar Wright

whose music do you find overhyped? I'm not gonna say it, because I am 30 years old and my music taste is twice my age, it's inevitable that I'm gonna think everything playing on the radio is garbage

what’s an underrated song? Giulia's answer influenced mine, I'm also gonna put a Camel song, Lady Fantasy

what’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? Again, Giulia is right, there is never too much synth and organ, but also when there is a very good transition of one song to another, like Brain Damage to Eclipse in Dark Side of the Moon, I get chills every time

what song is better acoustic? None, bring back the synth

what’s the worst song of all time? See my answer to the overhyped music

do you put individual songs on repeat? if so, for how long and how often? Yeah, believe it or not I did put that No Children by The Mountain Goats on repeat for a few weeks in my most desperate time

do you make your own playlists? if so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title? My two best playlists are called: "Apocalyptic Pandemic Dance Party" and "Songs for Pirates and Sailors"

headphones or earbuds? WIRED earbuds

do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? if you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony? I almost always harmonize, but inventing my own harmonies, which is to say the wrong ones, because I know nothing about music

a musical confession: What can I possibly say that is more damning that I listened to No Children on repeat for weeks?

Tag, but don't feel like you have to: @alicedraws-kostyalevin @alfredsnightmare @enjolris

[tiarnanabhfainni]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Major Character Death Characters: Sam Winchester, Mary Winchester, John Winchester Additional Tags: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dead Mary Winchester, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Banshees, Celtic Mythology & Folklore,Fire,Pre-Stanford Era (Supernatural), look fair warning there's a description of mary winchester dying in this fic so keep that in mind!, ghost mary who haunts her family, is something i hold very dear to my heart, also this started as a tumblr post but i have not got the strength to go looking for it on my blog,just know that it was basically just an outline of this, also finally i write something where sam actually gets to feature, bean sí is just the irish for banshee btw its pronounced the same

As the moon at midnight moves through the starry sky Out there in the bog land the Banshee's shrill cry The one seldom heard and that human eyes cannot see Some say the ghost of one who died in agony.

- The Cry Of The Banshee By: Francis Duggan.

For the Prompt: AU on Day 2 of @spnwomenweek

Fire. She is burning and it is pain like she has never felt. Her body is not her own, it is stiff, unable to even react to the agony. Strapped to the ceiling. The smell of her own burning flesh overpowers her. The pain from the wound in her stomach pales in comparison to the feeling of eyeballs boiling in her skull and the skin sloughing off her bones.

She should have known. Hunting is a black hole - an inexorable votex. How could she have ever thought she could escape? Even as her nerve endings fry and her limbs screech in agony, she finds it within herself to hope that at least her family might survive her.

The pain fades away, exceeding the limits of human comprehension. A single-minded purpose takes its place in her consciousness. Her sacrifice will be worth it if it protects her family, if her two beautiful boys never live the life that she has. The deal is done, the demon should have no more business with her family. In her death she can make sure they are safe.

The last thing Mary sees is the horror on John’s face.

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There has always been a ghost in Sam’s life. A woman who exists in the corner of his eyes and flickers when he shakes his head. Her haunting screams are as familiar to him as led zeppelin tapes crackling through the car radio. Together they form the soundtrack of his childhood.

She is pale. Completely washed of colour. Limp grey hair frames her wan face and there’s a suspicious darkness that stains the front of her long white nightgown.

When he was younger he couldn’t understand her erratic and ever changing moods. She seems to flip between disinterested floating to terrified wails between breaths and he can find no rhyme or reason.

Sam would ask his brother if he knew the reason but Dean cannot see her. No one can. He tried to tell Dean - once - after the woman kept him from sleeping for eight hours straight with screams. The response kept him from ever bringing her up again. Shut up Sammy. There’s no one there. You’re imagining things. Don’t tell dad. I mean it Sammy. Keep your mouth shut.

Eventually Sam finds a pattern for himself. His teachers always tell him that he’s clever. She only ever appears when his father is gone on one of his trips.

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When Dean finally caves and tells him about the monsters, Sam finally understands the insistence on keeping the woman a secret from their dad. As a ghost she is a part of the supernatural that his father fights.

And since Sam is the only one that can see her then that means - What does it mean?

As soon as the library opens again after the holidays he’s straight in the door and into the folklore section. He needs to understand what (who) this spectre is. After hours of research, there is only one real conclusion to be made. She must be a banshee. A death omen.

Armed with the truth of his dad’s trips, he makes the inevitable connection. She is a banshee and she screams when Sam’s dad is gone. And yet his dad is not yet dead. She has to be screaming for the monsters at the other end of the knife.

An uncomfortable thought drifts into view. If she screams for monsters and he's the only one who can hear her then does that mean that-? No. He slams the book closed and shoves his pile haphazardly back onto the shelf. Dean is expecting home in an hour.

But even as these fevered thoughts rattle through Sam’s brain on the walk home, he still never connects this woman to the other ghost that haunts their family. Mother Mary. Patron Saint of the Winchesters. The spectre that pushes all of them forward on this reckless self-destructive odyssey of vengeance.

She is so changed after death as to be unrecognisable even to one raised on her legend.

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Sam is relentless now. He sneaks off to study whenever he gets a minute to himself between hunting, training and research. No time to sleep - he just reads. Textbook after textbook until all he sees are diagrams and his dreams are drafted in legalese. Over dinner he scrawls as many practice essays as he can for his final exams and attempts to ignore the sniping from his dad

It’s a struggle to keep his grades up as he moves from school to school across state lines and curriculums and sometimes it’s all Sam can do not to cry. He knows his dad is annoyed that he hasn’t dropped out yet. Like Dean. That he wants a high-school diploma and not just a GED.

Sam doesn’t care. The banshee appears more often to him now. She stands in his line of sight and blocks his view of his family when they hunt. She screams and screams and drowns out all of his doubts. God only knows how his eardrums remain intact.

He knows more now than he did on that first day in the library. Has been on a million hunts. With enough time and research he could probably find her bones and shut her up for good. Salt and Burn. He never does. She is a reminder of all he wants to escape. An omen his dad cannot tell him to ignore.

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Sam sits on the edge of his bed with his law school acceptance letter in his hands. He’d picked it up from the post office earlier that day. Compulsively, he smoothes the creases over and over again, listening with half an ear to his family clattering around downstairs.

This is a good day. Dad is cheerful. The case had been a simple one - a poltergeist - easy to get rid off. Another suburban home rid of the monster. Dean is happy too. He’s been talking all day about the steaks he’d picked up in the bargain section of the supermarket. Now they can have a small celebration before moving out to a new town.

Sam looks down at the letter and knows that he won’t be going with them.

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The fight is world-ending. Of cataclysmic proportions. Sam’s never seen his dad so angry in his life.

He sits on the lonely greyhound bus to California, his only possessions in the bag he’s clutching to his chest. His lungs are still burning, hours after the argument and he can’t tell whether it’s anger or choked back tears or if it even matters.

But even here, alone on the bus, his clearest memory is that of blessed silence as he walked out the door. The woman standing stock still in his path.

She made no sound.

Instead. For the first and only time that he can remember.  She smiled.