#I have lots of big scenes done i just need to connect them & also write the scenes i have planned but havent written

[pa-pa-plasma]

I think I asked before, but I know fotpod is your crow/corvid Danny fic, but what’s the full name? Thanks. ❤️

honestly I'm so used to calling it FOtPoD I sometimes forget that's not an actual word & that. a lot of people probably have no idea what I'm talking about xD

it stands for Flying Over the Pit of Death & Danny's actually a black-billed magpie in it, though he does have crow friends (pics for birb reference)

one sec I wrote a whole thing on my DP side blog, daddyplasmius. okay it's here> [LINK] if you wanted to read my rambling about this project (& my FOtPoD memes)

[greedandenby]

Jacob Anderson, Sam Reid, and others talking about Jam Reiderson.

Here's a compilation of bits and pieces from various interviews about these two men's beautiful friendship. Will be updating as new promo for subsequent seasons comes out!

(Long post, so keep reading!

- there's SO MUCH good stuff)

Pride.com

Q: You guys have incredible chemistry. It hinges on that. Can you talk a little bit about how you built that kind of connection?

JA: I find it so difficult to talk about chemistry. Because me and Sam… like each other.

SR: Yeah. I think we’re very similar in a lot of ways, and that was a big relief. It’s a very bizarre job to do when you’re doing it, cause you’re shooting entirely at night, you have amazing costumes and contact lenses and accents and teeth and blood. The scenes, while they feel like they have a flow to them, there’s a lot of splitting up while we do it because we’ve got to have special effects come in or the blood come in, or we’re on a rig of some kind. So it’s a weird experience, and we also had these extraordinary lines of dialogue to say as well. And so to have somebody who’s similar, can process these things the same way as you and bounce off of and decompress with is vital.

JA: Yeah, and the first step is you just have a common language that you find, and sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn’t. And we were just lucky that we, you know…

SR: Yeah. Yup.

Amc.com

Q: The relationship between Louis and Lestat is rife with complications, but at its core there's obviously a real connection there. What was it like crafting this tumultuous relationship on screen with Sam Reid? You two are quite good friends having come out the other end of Season 1.

JA: Yeah, we were good friends when we were doing it and I think that's part of why it worked out for us! We didn't put too much emphasis on trying to figure everything out. The scripts are so beautiful, the writing is so dense and so full of life and detail that you don't need to discuss it too much. Obviously, we talked to the directors, and they'd have ideas and we'd have ideas, but I think, in terms of me and Sam finding it, I think we just paid attention to each other. We just trusted the writing, trusted each other, and it meant that we’d already be prepared for whatever was going to come up. We felt comfortable with each other, so we could try things and it felt safe. It felt like we could play around with body language and with eye contact and all these things. But it was unspoken, I think. It wasn't something that we spent a lot of time discussing. Everything's intentional to a certain extent, but there's this other thing that is just about instinct and listening really.

Q: And having the right scene partner where that happens.

JA: Yeah, I felt really lucky! Sam gives you so much. There's so much to play off and I hope that I did the same for him. Our first day of shooting we did the opera house stuff, and I was so excited. It's the scene where he talks about loneliness, and I remember thinking even though I'd got to know him a little bit and we'd done a bit of rehearsal and we'd become friends by that point, I was like, "Oh wow, this is going to be really special! I'm going to get to do this every day. I'm going to get to watch this character come to life and respond to it." That's a gift. Sam Reid is a gift!

Q: The relationship between Louis and Lestat is rife with complications, but at its core there’s a real connection there. What was it like crafting this tumultuous relationship on screen with Jacob Anderson? You two are quite good friends having come out the other side of Season 1 so if anything, I’m sure the experience brought you closer together? 

SR: Yeah, definitely. It definitely brought us closer together. It was really crazy this stuff that we were doing together. We'd have these massive scenes, and it would be just him and I in the middle of the night playing opposite each other, not really being able to see each other all the time with the contact lenses. You just rely so heavily on one another. You also rely on each other because you're like, "Have we pushed it too far? Is it too much? Is it enough? Like, do we believe each other?" Because it's this very intense relationship but we’re also supernatural beings. So, you're constantly having to reframe the way that you look at a relationship and say, "Well, hang on, my character has all this power." Like in Episode 4, I remember saying, when all the police are coming over to the house, I was like, "Why are we even worried about this? I don't understand why I would be even concerned about this at all." But you're negotiating with someone who's going, "Yeah, but my desire to have a connection to humanity makes this important," and so you're like, "Oh, okay." We managed to balance off each other in that way, because my character's way past any connection to humanity and Jacob's character is holding onto those last threads of his humanity. When we'd both be examining a scene, we'd both be coming at it from different angles. Because of the love between the two characters, there's always that negotiation and blunting of the other's real intention. I couldn't really imagine doing it with anybody else! We did all of it, everything, together, really.

Gold Derby Daniel Hart Interview

Q: In what ways does the show’s really rich visual palette and then of course Sam and Jacob’s lightning-in-a-bottle chemistry on screen influence some of the choices that you made on the score throughout your process?

DH: There’s a theme that I would call their love theme, and it’s sprinkled throughout the first episode but it played in full over the end credits in a piece called “In Throes of Increasing Wonder”. And that theme appears in almost every episode, I think, in some form or another. I don’t think that theme was possible before I had seen some of that interaction between Jacob and Sam as Lestat and Louis. It’s born of their emotional reactions to each other.

IWTV Podcast

Ep2

Q: You and Jacob did your chemistry tests over Zoom? Which, I mean, does anyone have chemistry over Zoom?

SR: Yeah, I don’t really know what they were looking for or how you’re supposed to gauge chemistry from that, because it was really glitchy and we were all speaking on top of each other and trying really hard to act into the camera, which just wasn’t working. But look, I really… Jacob is such a lovely person, such a really fantastic actor and so easy to be around. And I could see that he was going to be a very easy person to fall in love with. So it was fun. In fact I just came from having ice cream with Jacob and he says hello.

Q: Oh my God, I’m obsessed. I want these moments. Give me that footage, okay? I want ice cream footage, I want strolling the streets of downtown New Orleans footage.

SR (laughs): Yeah, I mean we hang out all the time and we’ve become very, very good friends. Cause it is a crazy journey that we’re on and it was a crazy job, so it’s really lovely to have such a good friend.

Ep3

Q: Talking about Sam, how much time did y’all get before you started actually shooting? It’s like “Okay, we’re in love now and it’s going to be very tortured and complicated” – Rolling!

JA: Yeah. I don’t know if I completely believe in luck, but I think there’s like a weird cosmic luck in this whole thing. It is a huge roll of the dice. The first day we met each other, obviously we both had our masks on, and we had a hug and we were like “Oh hi”. And then we just spent the next day walking around New Orleans and getting to know each other. And I truly love that man, so much. Like, we connected so quickly and just found like… And I think part of that as well is that there’s a level of trust that we had to have, otherwise we weren’t going to be able to do this at those hours, and those scenes, and the intimacy of their relationship, and also the toxicity and the fire in it. We had to really hold each other and be like “All right, have we got each other’s back?” And we did, we were just like “We’re in this together. Let’s listen to each other and try and have fun.” And we did, we had a lot of fun. I thought that taking on this role would be quite triggering for me in lots of different ways. I thought it was going to force me to have to reconcile with lots of feelings that I had. I thought it was going to be just a guilt and shame and despair fest for six months. And actually I just found it really, really cathartic being Louis, and Louis has helped me a lot. I think there’s something about acceptance in Louis and acceptance of self, and like “This is who I am, this is who I’ve been, and I’m enduring, I’m choosing to keep going. I’m choosing to accept who I am.” And that was really helpful for me. So rather than feeling tortured, I think I ended up just feeling very… held, very comforted by the whole thing, in a weird sort of way.

Ep7

Q: I’m wondering what you guys would do or how you would hang out on set. Is there hanging out or are you more like “Okay, they’re setting up a light, I gotta go lay down, I can’t with you right now.”

JA: No, we were pretty inseparable, to be fair. There wasn’t really any hanging out. We just were. At a certain point, we just were. We didn’t share a trailer, but it was like, a wall separating us. And we’d just end up sitting on the stairs or texting each other through the wall.

SR (laughs): Through the wall, just texting all the time.

JA: We became a hive mind.

SR: We did, yeah.

Q: Were you still a hive mind once you wrapped? Would you still text and stuff?

JA: Yeah.

SR: Yeah.

JA: We’re going to the theatre tonight. We’ve seen each other every day for the last week. We’re still choosing to spend time together. It’s probably not very healthy. Very co-dependent (laughs).

Ep8

Q: Obviously viewers are in love with Jacob and Sam. People are tweeting me photos of them eating ice cream. We call ourselves #icecreamhive. The fandom is strong. Can you tell me about how you found Jacob and Sam, and the process of deciding they were Louis and Lestat?

Rolin Jones: Well, obviously 9 billion people auditioned. You kind of get down to ten actors that you like on both sides. The simple math of it is the second those two got into their Zoom rooms together, it was very clear something very dynamic was happening. On Jacob’s side, there’s this sort of genuine warmth, kindness, humanity. You’re like “Okay, for a character who’s going to make a number of questionable choices, how do you make them want to love him?” And on Sam: I saw his face and I said “No fucking way! No fucking way that guy, this chiselled, stupid chiselled, with his locks and his dreamy eyes. I was like no, no, no, no. And then I pressed play, and he really knew how big we were going to go. He was wildly specific and subtle. It was in his voice. There was something a little Jeff Bridges/Starman about it, and I was like “Oh, this guy feels like an alien and he feels other than us”. They both won the audition, that’s basically what happened. Although I’ll tell you, here’s a dirty secret: ready for this? Sam bought this piece of technology, that you can do a push-in close-up right when the scene is getting a little juicy. And I just started laughing my ass off. I was like “Oh my God, this guy wants this so hard.”

Mark Johnson: You called me the first time you had seen Sam, and you were just so excited about the potential of this guy and you basically said: “He’s going to be next to impossible to beat.” And sure enough, nobody could really touch him. But from the very first time you saw his audition you were pretty convinced that we had our Lestat.

Keep It Podcast

JA: Sam is just like my… partner-in-crime, and I feel so lucky that I got to spend every day with him. We had to do a lot of stuff in this show and when I say a lot of stuff I mean, those nights are no joke. Knowing those scenes and working on those scenes together at that hour – you can only do that with somebody that you like, even if the scene calls for tension. I think you would just kill each other if you didn’t like each other.

PaleyFest

Q: Jacob and Sam, I feel like the show wouldn’t work unless the chemistry’s there between Louis and Lestat. There’s a lot riding on that. So how did you two form this immortal bond, if you will, during filming, knowing how important it was?

JA: We just spent a lot of time together even when we didn’t need to (laughs). I don’t know, like, how do you put that kind of thing into words? It’s just, like… I really love Sam. I like spending time with him. I like working with him. I find the way that we talk about what we’re doing… Well, we’re not talking about what we’re doing all the time but I think we have a similar language. I dunno, it’s ki(smet?)… It’s, like, how do you describe a vibe? (laughs)

Q: Sam, how do you describe the vibe?

SR: I think the work, the world and the characters are so extreme and it’s a very intense thing to do. And I think we leant on each other a lot throughout the process and we were very grateful for the friendship that we had built to be able to get through six months of night and some pretty intense scenes. And to have someone that you can look across the room and have a private giggle with and get on with the job and debrief with at the end of the day is invaluable. Chemistry with actors is a complicated beast because it is our job to manufacture it, but when you don’t have to and it just comes naturally it makes everything so much more easy and enjoyable, particularly when you’re nude and bleeding (laughs). You’re really happy you have a buddy (unintelligible).

Q: I was in the Entertainment Weekly suite when all you guys came through for Comic Con at the Hard Rock Hotel and, I mean, I was watching you all interact. Bailey, break it down for me: these two, do they have like a super-bromance going on? Like, what is happening?

Bailey Bass: They’re best friends! They really are, it’s really precious. (Delighted grin from Jacob) Look at Jacob’s face! (laughs)

JA: Are we best friends, Sam?

SR: Yeah, you’re my best friend.

Eric Bogosian: I have to say, I have to throw in: I have two sons who are roughly the age of these guys, and we all went over to Comic Con, us three. And walking around was like being with my kids. The two of them are just like together (clasps hands together) getting into everything and I’m following them around, like “Wait a second, wait a second! Let me catch up with you there!” I didn’t really get it when I first got to set, I didn’t understand what was going on with these two guys, because they were so happy and they were so tired and they were so bonded and I was like “What dimension have I entered here?”

Rotten Tomatoes

About the casting process:

JA: I asked (Alan Taylor): “How did you guys decide that it was the right thing?” And he was like: “To be honest, by that point” – cause we did like eight rounds of auditions – “it was more about the way that you interacted when you weren’t doing the scenes. It was about how you listened to each other.” It’s just that we got on, we were pretty comfortable between the things.

Schön magazine

Q: Tell me more about the dynamic between Jacob and you who plays Louis, your love interest?

SR: Jacob and I get on well, we have a close friendship. We bonded strongly throughout the making of this show. He’s one of my favourite scene partners I’ve ever had because it’s just such an easy working relationship. There’s a lot of trust between the two of us. You know, it’s a fucked up toxic relationship. It’s messed up. But at the core of it is like this intense, inescapable love. So, we have to play out a very morbid, obsessive, passionate relationship. I think it would be really hard to do if you hated the person opposite. I’m so grateful that we get on.

ScreenRant at SDCC 2022

Q: Louis and Lestat have an iconic relationship: epic, spanning years and continents, lives ruined, bloodshed. What is it like bringing that to the screen and working together to really establish that immortal bond?

JA: It’s been the greatest partnership – creative partnership – in my life.

SR: Awww.

JA: No, I’m not joking, it really has!

SR: I’d agree, actually. It’s very hard, it’s a very intense relationship that they have, and you have to believe in that relationship. The things they do to each other are so extreme and painful and hurtful. And it’s been fun to have a real buddy to go through that and debrief with at the end of the day.

JA: I’m not sure how we could’ve done everything that we’ve done if we didn’t really trust each other.

SR: Yeah, it would’ve been awful if we hated each other.

JA: And it’s one of the great… you know, in the books, when they join together again – even when you know how awful they’ve been to each other – it’s just like you’re home, and I think that’s something that we always subconsciously tried to make sure was in there. They are kind of like home to each other, particularly after Louis’ human attachments start to fall away.

Eric Bogosian: I just want to say, these two guys (pointing to Jacob and Sam), it’s great watching them, their bonding and everything. The only difference between them and the guys in the fictional world: I’ve never seen them fight.

Bailey Bass: They were walking together alongside the San Diego beach. (To Jacob and Sam) You were! I mean, how adorable is that?

JA: We’re quite co-dependent. I don’t know if that’s a problem (laughs).

SDCC 2022 Panel

SR: It’s the greatest gift that I’ve ever been given, really. And then of course (pointing to Jacob) this guy.

JA: Awww!

SDCC 2022 Press Conference

Eric Bogosian: As a witness to what was going on, watching the way these guys (pointing to JA & SR) interacted was amazing. They had a chemistry that I’ve actually never seen before, and it continues even as we’ve been here for Comic Con. It’s wonderful to watch. I won’t get into it too much, I don’t want to characterise what goes on between them, but there was a great feeling on our set.

TV Insider at SDCC

Q: The level of intimacy that you two have to establish early on is really impressive. Did you know each other? Did you get to spend time hanging out before you got to be these immortal entwined characters?

JA (to SR): What did we do? We had like one Facetime call…

SR: Yeah, we had a Facetime call and then we were texting. We texted a lot, so we go to know each other via text.

JA: Me and Sam talk to each other every day, by the way. We couldn’t cut the cord.

TV Insider’s Trivia Night

SR & JA: Hi, we’re Jam Reiderson and we’re from Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire!

Holding up boards that say:

SR: [I won!]

JA: [But I won (really) at life]

SR: Bastard!

JA: Because I get to be with you, Sam, all the time! That’s the twist.

TV I Say Podcast

JA: Me and Sam spent 40 minutes yesterday in a sticker shop. Like, just looking at stickers and buying stickers. That’s not a thing that you ever really talk about. You don’t go like “Are you into stickers?”, you know? (…) I feel like Sam and I end up mentioning things in passing like “Do you wanna go do this or do you wanna do this?” and the other person’s like “Yeah!” But then, we have… There are so many crossovers. You wouldn’t expect it because we grew up in very different ways in very different countries. But we have crossovers of weird things or very niche things that we’d never discussed, really, right up until the point of promoting this show and doing press, that we’re like, “Great!” Like we’re going to go to Universal today. And I thought “Oh, is it a bit of a weird thing to ask?” Like, I don’t know if it’s awkward to… Normally, I wouldn’t ask a friend if they just wanted to go to Universal. But with Sam, I’ll be like “Should we go to Universal Studios?”, and he’s like “Yeah! Let’s do it!” Do you know what I mean? It’s just, I dunno, we just have similarities that we couldn’t have really… We couldn’t have known that we were so similar, but it really helped us when we were working, even if we didn’t know it at the time.

Young Hollywood

JA: I don’t know, we just liked each other straight away. We just had similar thoughts about what this was, about what we were doing. He’s one of my favourite people I’ve ever met in my life, let alone worked with. We just work well together. I can’t even really pinpoint exactly why. We’re going to hang out now, like after this we’re going to go to the Grove…

Q: Oh he’s in LA?

JA: Yeah!

Q: Oh my God, that’s perfect! I was going to say when was the last time you talked to him?

JA: Like half an hour ago.

Q: What’s the best thing that came from IWTV for you?

JA: That’s hard to… Sam Reid. Let’s say Sam Reid.

SFX Magazine – May 2024

That being said, [Rolin] Jones admits that it was a tough adjustment for Anderson and Reid to navigate this season. “It’s very clear, they’re very, very good friends,” Jones observes. “They really do talk every day together. So generally speaking last year, they had each other. They would get off the scene, they’d go to the bench and they would talk.”

92NY Season 2 Advance screening

JA: [Working with Sam on S02] was like slipping on a glove. Like, a glove that fits really well, wasn’t it? (laughs) Wait, is that dirty? (laughs)... An old sock!

Eric Bogosian: I have to say, I’ve never seen two actors in a company behave the way these two guys do. When I got to set and I first met them, they were already as if they were stuck to each other like brothers. (…) And then I watched them just… They follow each other around, like, whenever they’re not in scenes they’re like two puppies playing together.

[seyaryminamoto]

Fic-to-Art #38: Ozai carries Azula to the physicians' wing

This has been done for A WHILE now, but I didn't post it because the past days have been chaotic and not just on a personal level. For one thing, I really wasn't eager to drop this when people were losing their shit massively over the liveaction and its recontextualization of Azula and Ozai's dynamics, I didn't look forward to releasing this just to be told that whatever I've done in my story is somehow wrong, sooooooooo... that held me back, for a few days.

Then? The AI-Tumblr deal started to be talked about and I may or may not have freaked out about that too. Sooo... this is the first glazed and nightshaded piece of my creation, as consequence. The original, clean and proper version is available in my Patreon. Is this me being a dick to Tumblr-only people? Unfortunately, it very much isn't, I'm not trying to say that if you want the best iterations of my art, you should pay me for it... this is squarely, entirely, at staff/the CEO's feet. Obviously, there's the insecure side of me that goes "what makes you think they'd steal YOUR art when there are so many better artists out there!" but ultimately? AI is about taking everything en masse. It isn't a matter of developing a criteria about who makes the better art... it's just taking EVERYTHING and trying to repurpose it in whatever twisted way it needs to. Therefore? I think my choice is more of a matter of caution than anything else. Once AI bullshit dies out (and I really hope it does), we may just return to the same level of quality across all my accounts. For now, it is what it is.

ANYWAY! Point is this artwork is very much what my Patrons happened to vote for this month, a very shocking scene where Ozai reacted in the least foreseen way to Azula being attacked. Azula's confusion/terror comes from a place of not knowing what to do and being powerless to stop her father even if she doesn't feel comfortable with his help... but for once, Ozai isn't making a dreadful choice that will only devastate his daughter. He's actually worried about her health... and feeling genuine guilt over what landed her in the situation where she was in danger in the first place. Yes. I like me my complex Ozai who finally learned actions have consequences. He bores me to death otherwise :') if anyone STILL doesn't know that this whole situation is Gladiator-specific, then I shall clarify fully: this is artwork based on my fic. It's about a story that has been developing these characters for ALMOST ELEVEN YEARS now. It has nothing to do with whatever's going on in canon or in the liveaction, the scene in question was written almost two years ago and the artwork proposed and voted for several days before the liveaction aired. Ergo: there is no connection between this and that. Nor am I saying through this piece that Ozai is a good father. He is not. He can still be an interesting character to work with on a narrative level anyway :')

Alright. With that out of the way, hope you guys like this piece! The big one I haven't posted is ALSO finished, also glazed and nightshaded, but I think I might just end up posting it on the 26th if I don't have time to do anything big for our eleventh anniversary... yep, I'm so busy I don't even have a huge project in mind this time. Also? I have a lot to write and I'm finally happily writing it, and I would like to continue doing that...

Anyway! If you would like to be part of the creative process behind this piece, as well as see it in its proper, OG, less color-bleeding clunky version? A $1 Patreon pledge gives you the chance to join in suggesting prompts, voting for them and reading Gladiator snippets 6 days before a new chapter is released!

[lxvebun]

gentle hearts

request: would like to request megumi/yuji dating a reader that is very emotionally sensitive :) if you don’t feel like writing it that’s perfectly okay! I love your work <3

buns notes: hi angel!!thank you for requesting and for being so patient! I hope you like this as well and I hope you have a good day!

content: Sukuna/Yuuji/Megumi x gender neutral reader. Fluff + comfort. Kissing. Crying. Mentions of violence in Sukuna's part.(not towards reader) blood (sukuna). English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes!

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dc/dark blogs, k!nk and ed blogs do not interact or forever have bad wifi connection<3

Sukuna

This was disgustingly self indulgent forgive me anon

♡-He really admires your sensitivity. He barely has any :)

♡-It piqued his curiosity that you feel everything so deeply. From love and happiness to grief and sorrow you carry these emotions on your sleeve, even if you don't necessarily want to.

♡-Although it makes him curious, it doesn’t mean he’ll purposefully make you emotional. He hates seeing you cry. He's done terrible things, made scenes that put everyone else whose eyes laid upon it guts twist, without as much as blinking. He doesn't feel anything when his hands are dripping in blood but God seeing you cry feels like his veins are starting to pump poison through his body and his non-existent heart is being ripped out of his chest.

♡-And he had to learn the hard way that storming over to you and harshly demanding what happened. Who made you cry? Give him names. Is not exactly the best way to soothe you.

♡-So when he sees you flinch and more tears start to spill out, his attitude immediately changes. He's the king of curses he knows that he can be terrifying and to some even uttering his name shoots fear into their heart, but you look at him with such a soft love-filled look, so much light and admiration, when he's with you he kinda forgets that he is so scary

♡-Don’t worry tho! every day he’s learning more and more about how to take care of you. So rest assured he’ll be there to wipe the tears away. And give you a big smooch for good measure.

Yuuji

♡-Yuuji is honestly just like you. He feels everything strongly and deeply. At first it didn’t bother him, it was actually one of the traits he liked about himself. When he loved someone, he told them, which would lead to stronger bonds and when he needed to cry, he cried which after a good session would make him feel a lot lighter than he felt before.

♡-Now though, with everything going on in his life, and he quite literally carries the safety of the world on his shoulders, he hates the fact he feels everything so deeply. it's a constant state of happy and depressing emotions because he did meet Fushiguro, and Gojo, and Nobara, and he is sure his grandpa is proud of him, but he's already feeling the dread and fear of leaving this world, his friends behind. He's already afraid of what comes next and with every finger he consumes it just gets stronger. until you, ray of sunshine entered his life as well

♡-It’s nice to meet someone who was also emotionally sensitive, which lead to many late night conversations under the stars or on the floor of his bedroom, which eventually lead to your first kiss<3

♡-Whenever the emotions get to heavy to carry, just being around you overflows him with enough love to drown all these negative feelings out. Truly your presence alone is enough to soothe him and vice versa

♡-Yuuji is only one call away. If you need him he will be there as fast as he can

♡-It’s difficult being a sensitive person in such a cruel world, but as long as you and yuuji have eachother, you know you can survive it.

Megumi

♡-He's quite soft-spoken which is great! His voice is calming and when he's letting those sickeningly sweet words of love and adoration for you fall from his lips, you're basically melting into a little puddle. But, when he's just talking normally, his voice doesn't carry a lot of emotion and neither does his expression. So it is pretty easy, especially for you, to start assuming he's annoyed or bored which with your heightened sensitivity isn’t great and it shoots you into a heavy spiral of overthinking that maybe you have upset him in some way which eventually leads you to  distance yourself

♡-STOP IT

♡-He recharges on YOU. One hour spent with Gojo or Yuuji drains him of his brain cells and energy and the only cure is you. So when you start avoiding him, distancing yourself from him, And he's not receiving his daily kisses and cuddles that he very much needs, the expressions and emotion in his voice become even more sour.

♡-He won’t let it go for long though, megumi is nothing short of persistent. He will give you puppy eyes. Please let him in

♡-And after you do open up to him, expect to be showered in precious little kisses all over your face along with soft whispers thanking you for letting him in and trusting him with this.

♡- Even if he does sound annoyed or he’s feeling a little irritated, you will never be the cause of it.

♡-As much as he tries he can’t really help his expressions and voicetone, BUT he’ll become a lot more physically affectionate to let you know, everything is okay. Even if he is actually annoyed or mad it's not directed towards you. Its towards Gojo ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎

Thank you for reading bunnies!<3

[ouabhs]

acftl review (finally)

I give it a 3 ⭐️ (as much as it pains me) even then it’s only this high bc I love evajacks so much

so I was finally able to gather my thoughts into one post and while there were many things I enjoyed a few others didn’t sit right..

1. the whole story curse thing.. it makes sense that the story curse would twist things which is why some things were left unexplained but it doesn’t feel like it was done deliberately?? it just felt like stephanie genuinely didn’t know how to tie some things together.. like sure not every single thing needs an explanation but she emphasised certain things wayyy too much in the first two books for them to be completely ignored for example evajacks talking to each other in their minds. Even the broken heart scar wasn’t addressed again after like halfway through acftl

2. too much apollo.. sorry this is not even just me being biased or whatever like I do agree his pov helped explain the plot from a different perspective but he got wayyy more of a backstory and a conclusion to his character than jacks for a someone that wasn’t as present in the last 2 books.. and this was supposed to be jacks’ series kinda (ik it was evangelines too) but I feel like jacks got sidelined hard and that’s disappointing. It also didn’t help that whenever there was an intense scene between evajacks the pov would switch to apollo.. to be fair I think having 3 povs was just hard to execute in general

3. the kiss scene.. usually it would not be a big deal but it’s a big part of jacks character that he can’t kiss girls without killing them idk I thought him finally getting to kiss evangeline would be a lot more… grand? they barely got a page or any detail and then the next chapter was “once upon a time there was kissing and more kissing 🥰🥰” which was even more underwhelming. Even apollo and evangelines kiss scenes were longer and more detailed and they got multiple

4. the overall vibe of the 3rd book felt very different to the first two I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but I feel like it had something to do with the writing.. at some parts it felt familiar (like all the descriptions and the fairytale aspects) but others it just felt different?

5. during too many scenes it just felt like stephanie was rewriting tbona.. like I haven’t really seen anyone say this yet but a good chunk of the book was quotes from tbona which I feel took up a lot of unnecessary space and could’ve been used to develop other plots or characters? Literally someone that hasn’t read tbona could get a gist of what happened cause it’s all summarised in there 😭

6. the plot in general.. contrary to popular belief I don’t think this was that romance focused (as people claim as to why things weren’t explained) because I think stephanie incorporated more plot in here but it was just different to what we saw in the last books because previous characters (luc, marisol, tiberius, kristof) weren’t as present in this book and new characters plots and explanations were just thrown in.. not much felt connected

7. jacks’ backstory.. (going back to my second point) how he became a fate was really glossed over I feel and was only briefly mentioned but I just wanted more.. I do like the fact that he said he did it for chaos and I wish their friendship was delved into more because he literally turned to immortality because his friend would be alone. What about his parents? His friendship with Lyric? The merrywood three in general? His life when he was trapped in the card?

8. the first fox.. again wayy too significant to be missed out especially since jacks doesn’t really remember whether or not he had a thing for her and chaos said evangeline was similar to her.. how was there no link?

I definitely have more to add but for now my main takeaway is that while tbona was very hard to top I feel like acftl could’ve been so much more especially since it was set up so well.. I think so many people are disappointed because it doesn’t hold up as well for the last book in a series but I’m just glad evajacks got their happy ending 🫠

[mollyjeanne615]

Could you please write a song adapting Ted and Charlotte’s conversation/flirting/argument in The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals before he leaves her alone with Sam?

Like… there’s the genuine love between them; their respective issues, fears and unhealthy beliefs getting in the way of it; their regret that they can’t just be happy together while also not taking action to make that happen; the stress of being stuck in an alien zombie apocalypse; Charlotte’s grief over and Ted’s resentment of Sam; and their difficulty actually communicating all the previous things. And of course, the sexual tension. I just think that all of those layers interplaying would make a really good song. Especially since their dynamic wasn’t explored much in the show.

There could even be a coda where Ted, after leaving, muses that he could have done better, but he’s been very careful to never give her reason to expect better from him, so she’ll get over it. They’ll be back to their version of normal soon enough (messy as it is). So he doesn’t need to go back in there and apologize or say some heartfelt shit or anything. Then the final notes are the first ones of “You Tied up My Heart”.

I say this every time but holy SHIT this was fun

So I tried to get as much of this prompt into one song as I could - it doesn't cover the entire scene, so there would be a little bit of dialogue between this and "You Tied Up My Heart," but I think it captures a lot of their relationship and connection. There could also totally be some underscoring from this going into the next song in a full production. (Also this wouldn't be in a full production cause they wouldn't be singing, but I dream.) I also cheated a bit with the orchestrations - I've been trying to make them as playable by the original bands of the shows as possible, but for this I switched out the bass part for a second guitar cause why not. There's a little bit of "Time Bastard" in the opening synth part, and there's a pretty big motif/reprise/stolen chord progression in the bridge of the song - I was trying to think of other Hatchetfield songs relating to Spankoffski stories and sexual temptation and all that, and I think this one did the trick lol. I'm super proud of the demo for this one - it came out somewhere between "Dead Girl Walking" from Heathers and "D.O.A." from The Lightning Thief, and I'm really in love with it. Hope y'all enjoy!

In the Worst Way

CHARLOTTE: Ted!  I can’t believe you’re thinking about that at a time like this, the whole world could be coming to an end!

TED: Yeah.  Exactly.  The whole world’s gone to shit and you’re worried about what someone else might think about you?

CHARLOTTE: Well, when you put it like that…

TED:

You think you’re such a good, good girl You pick your nails, you hide your stress But it’s the end of the fucking world So you can afford to decompress

You put your image on a throne You crumple underneath the crown But you need to grow a backbone Before it breaks you down

You’ve been in bed with a scumbag But baby, can’t you see You have a chance to upgrade To a sleazeball like me

So if I’m dying tonight I’ve got a great way to cap off my life I’ll be going out doing the thing I love Screwing around with another man’s wife Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

CHARLOTTE: Oh, you’re such a horny bastard.

TED: Always have been, always will be.

CHARLOTTE:

My body’s telling me to run My mind is saying you’re no good But I need something just for fun So I guess I probably should

I’ve wished upon so many stars To be more confident and crude So I’ll embrace the love that’s ours With a badass attitude

TED: Okay!

CHARLOTTE:

There’s something in my gut that says You might still be alright Cause I need someone to love me Before we bite the dust tonight

So if I’m dying today I’m gonna let you lead me astray I might be meeting my maker pretty soon So I’ll get down on my knees and pray Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

TED:

Ooh, I want you in the worst way, yeah

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

My happiness is coming first, I won’t be on my own Let all those without sin cast the first stones I’ll do all I can so you’ll never be alone At least until we kick the bucket

CHARLOTTE:

But should I just stick with the devil I know

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

Well, you know what, fuck it!

They make out passionately as a rocking electric guitar solo backs them up.

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

So if I’m dying right now I’ll spend this moment breaking a vow There’s nowhere else I need to be And I needed a little break anyhow Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say Yeah, let me say I want you in the worst way

TED:

Let’s let the chips fall where they may

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

I want you in the worst way

CHARLOTTE:

My husband’s brains fell out today

TED AND CHARLOTTE:

I want you in the worst way Maybe there’s better things I should worry about today But I’d rather be here with you So let me say I want you in the worst way

They kiss again on the button of the song.

[lilis-palace]

WORK-IN-PROGRESS : A Secretaire desk

Not really a guide, but can be interesting for those who would like to know how I create an object or a set. Originally I wrote this essay for a course at my uni but I translated and simplified it.

💡☝️ INSPO

The secretaire desk is an iconic piece of Biedermeier furniture. My fascination with the elegant yet straightforward style is beyond measure.

🧊🕸️ MODELLING

I used Blender for modelling. (I made it when I was still using the old 2.7 version.) The design process for the object consumed a significant amount of my time, spanning a total of three hours.

After I finish making the model, I need to do something called "unfolding." This means turning the 3D object into a 2D mesh. Once that's done, I "burn" the shadows onto it, which gives it the final look you see below.

🎨🖌️ TEXTURE

After that, I use the Sims 4 Studio program. This is where I make sure that the object looks right with its texture and I decide how it should act in the game.

To create the special intarsia effect, I use patterns that I've already prepared in Photoshop. I carefully rotate and arrange them until they fit just right. It takes a lot of time, but the final outcome is totally worth it.

🌐✨ NORMAL & SPECULAR MAP

The Normal map is really important for objects with low levels of detail. It determines how light behaves on different surfaces. With the Normal map, even a surface that looks completely smooth can actually appear uneven when light shines on it. This creates the illusion of more intricate details without slowing down the game's performance.

In the game, they use a simpler version of the Normal map called the Bump map. To make it, I use a plugin in Photoshop and save it in a specific format called .DDS. I have to tweak the channels and choose the right settings to get it just right.

When I apply the Bump map to my Biedermeier writing cabinet with shelves, it creates small shadows at the edges of the shelves when light hits the center. This makes the shelves stand out from the flat surface and adds depth to the object.

The shine of an object is controlled by the specular map. It determines how reflective the surface appears, whether it's a shiny metal, a glossy glass, or a completely matte material. By adjusting the color values, we can create different types of shine.

In this project, I want to achieve a specific type of shine that looks like wax or honey. Fortunately, I already have a template ready for this. I just need to find it and apply it to the object in the program.

📊📐SIMS 4 STUDIO SETTINGS

After that, I need to make a bunch of tweaks to make sure the object works properly in the game. It involves doing both small and big adjustments. For example, I add tags to make it easy to find in the catalog, figure out how the surface should look, find the right spots where other objects can connect to it, decide where chairs and writing surfaces should go, and more. The first picture shows how things are set up by default, while the second one shows the changes I've made.

Throughout this whole process, I have to carefully figure out the exact positions for different parts using a coordinate system. It can be a bit tiresome and take up a lot of time.

📈 💼 WORK IN PROGRESS

First, I made a work-in-progress picture. This is how I announce the new collection.

💃🎞️ GIF

In the post, there's a gif that demonstrates various color combinations. Creating this gif involves a careful and detailed process. I have to take individual photos of all 16 color combinations for each of the two cabinets. Afterward, I need to carefully match and merge these photos together. Finally, I use an online Gif maker site to edit and finalize the gif.

📷🖼️ PREVIEW PIC

I spent a good 2 hours setting up the scene, and it wasn't easy finding the right items and creating the perfect environment. Editing the image also took me another 2 hours, as I paid close attention to every little detail.

Out of the three images you see above, the first one is the default color scheme generated by the game itself. The second image, on the other hand, was created using a program called Reshade. It's an extra tool you have to install separately, and its main purpose is to change the lighting inside the game. It adds depth and creates a whole different atmosphere. As for the third image, that's what it looks like after I adjusted the colors in Photoshop. And finally, I added shadows and highlights to the image to give it a more three-dimensional and immersive feel.

I hope you enjoyed this post and see you soon. The release date of the set is tomorrow!

[positivexcellence]

Jared Padalecki on That ‘Walker’ Finale, Cordi & Geri, 13-Episode Seasons, and More

Ok, first off…congratulations. You got renewed! And you’re lucky, because if you gave us this finale and then left us hanging, you were gonna be in so much trouble.

Jared Padalecki: No s**t, right? I was like, “Can we just write the season to figure out what happened? We don’t have to film it, but if you don’t mind just writing it?” [Laughs]

Obviously it sucks that it’s only 13 episodes, but I also like that idea because that gives you a lot more time to prep story and streamline it.

You know, Jensen [Ackles] and I asked for 13-episode seasons of Supernatural, many, many, many times. As a matter of fact, I feel like if we had done 13-episode seasons of Supernatural, we’d probably still be doing Supernatural right now. Because it’s hard to do a long network season while also trying to be a husband and a father and friend.

I think Jim Beaver at one of our Comic-Con panels said about 22 or 23-episode seasons, “You know, even if it’s the best batter on the planet, if Ted Williams goes to bat 23 times, he’s gonna strike out a few times.” And so I think a shortened season would just be a really strong, action-packed, story-packed season where we don’t have to do an episode like “Bugs” in Season 1 of Supernatural. [Laughs]

How did the cast hear?

I kind of told them yesterday, I talked to Brad Schwartz [the new CW president] and they totally tricked me. I was doing hyperbaric chamber stuff…after my TBI last year, I try to get hyperbaric [therapy] when I can for brain health and I got out to all these missed messages, like “Hey, we need to do some press for the finale,” and “Hey, will you call into The CW because they have some reporters that want to do this.” And I was like, “Oh, s**t, sorry! On it!”

So I called in and Brad answers like, “Hey, bud… so I just wanted to touch base with you.” And he went on for a few minutes about how I need to do some interviews since the writers are on strike and can’t do them. And I was like “Sure thing,” I was ready. Then finally, he goes, “Well in that case, we are also excited to bring Walker back for Season 4.” I was so totally not expecting that conversation, right? I was in the head space of like, “Okayyyyy, now…what was the finale about again?” [Laughs]

And it’s so nice because we had a little tradition on Supernatural and now on Walker, at the end of the season, where they’d let me give the news. And I had asked Brad many months ago, we had chatted and I asked, “Hey, if it’s good news or bad news, can I be the one to break it to my cast and crew?” Obviously I hoped it would be good news, but even if it was bad news, you know, I’m the face they see every day at work and I’d love to be the one to just tell them thank you. So they’re all thrilled.

Now…did you make any calls to Justin Johnson Cortez? Because he turned up in this finale and that would be awesome to see him again. What he brings into this episode launches a whole new Jackal storyline.

Oh yeah, big time. I would love to see him come back. And yeah, you know, we have this cold case where it’s something that really drove Captain James to the brink back when we originally dealt with it and never felt we’d solved it…and maybe we haven’t. And how does that connect with Witt and our Park Ranger, who is a little more than fishy?

And I gotta tell you, the kids are growing up so nicely. Violet is so good.

She’s so good. Yeah. And we knew that from the get-go. I think some of the early themes in Season 1 where she’s kind of rebelling a little bit, we would shoot her and after we wrapped, I’d get on the phone with Anna [Fricke, the showrunner] and be like, “Holy shit, this young lady, she’s got something.” It’s a joy to work with her… and Kale Culley is growing up and becoming like, Jared Padalecki, Season 1 of Gilmore Girls. [Laughs] It’s uncanny and he’s such a strong performer, too.

Their scene in the finale where she comes in to support him after Cordi tells him to defer his military plans, I was struck by how well they carry their own scenes. The adults could literally take an episode off and they could carry it.

I like the way you’re thinking. I’m gonna talk to writers. Tell them you said that and that I could have an episode off. [Laughs]

There you go. Now when did we find out about Ashley Reyes’ singing?

Uh, how amazing is that? What, and Kearran? So we knew Ashley could sing, she’d gone to [the London Academy of Music & Dramatic Art] out in the UK and she’s like a triple, quadruple threat, whatever you’d call it. She sings, she dances, she acts. She’s funny. She’s dramatic. She’s a home run for sure. She and Kearran…that was a lot of fun. I found myself breaking into Jared sometimes when we were shooting. I was like, “These girls are amazing, right?” [Laughs]

It also felt like, if this show had not been picked up, what a great episode to have as one of your last? It’s just a huge party, there’s all this love, you’re sending off Bonham and Abby to their Italian honeymoon. It was a really joyful episode…aside from the serial killer stuff.

[Laughs] So true! Yeah, fair enough!

Now, the way this season ends is very interesting, because Augie went to grandpa first with the military stuff and then Stella calls in Liam (Keegan Allen) to help with a dead body. How’s Cordi gonna feel about this? And also, how bad is gonna be for Liam holding this secret?

Well, as you know I did a show for 15 years about brothers who had a complicated relationship, you know, who would do anything for each other but also kind of upset each other and crossed boundaries for so long. And I love those stories. So it definitely makes sense that Walker, especially on the night that he decides to do something for himself — he asks Geri to move in for the summer and he’s not really the type to do something for himself like that, he’s not the “I’m gonna take a me day,” right? So he invites Geri in and now he’s about to find out not only did his son tell him earlier that he went to gramps to ask about enlisting, but that his daughter witnessed what might be a murder, but was certainly an attack — something that Walker would deal with in his line of work — and she went to his brother instead. Uh, so yeah, I don’t think he’s gonna be super thrilled about it. [Laughs]

Thank God he’s got Geri to talk him down from the ledge though.

Yeah, yeah. Put him in his place, talk him down.

I love that she danced down the aisle with the kids. Not only is Odette always fantastic, but that just showed how Geri is truly family now.

For sure, and there’s also something I’ve liked since our first scene together in Season 1. I knew Odette vaguely, you know, I think we had met two or three times at random Comic-Cons or award shows or something and she’s always pretty sweet and we always like got along fine. I didn’t really know her know her like I do now, but ever since that first scene in the Side Step where Walker and Liam show up, there seemed to be a depth between Cordi and Geri, like they knew each other’s skeletons, they knew each other’s demons, and they knew how to call each other on their bulls**t. Mostly her calling me on my bulls**t. [Laughs]

That was something I really liked. And so to see Walker have a relationship with somebody that can go like, “Hey, I’ve known you for decades and decades, something is going on. What’s going on? You’re not gonna run past this.” Because Walker can always pull the law-enforcement card and say, “Oh, I’m just worried about this or that…no, I just got something on my mind,” and she is able to go, “Nope…there’s something else going on.” And so I love that dynamic.

Have you talked about casting The Jackal?

We have. Who, who are you thinking?

Well, obviously Jim Beaver would be hilarious.

Oh my God, that would be hilarious.

Or you go get Scott Patterson…

Oh God, that would be great, right?! And I’m gonna see him soon. Again, I like your thinking! I like the cut of your jib. [Laughs] I like those few ideas, so when the writers are allowed to have conversations legally, I’ll have that conversation with them!

tvinsider

[mywingsareonwheels]

On "Endeavour" series 9 (a critical/disappointed but affectionate post)

Cut for length, spoilers, and criticism :)

I've been thinking so much (too much ;-) ) about the ending of Endeavour since it came out. Sometimes joyfully, sometimes wistfully, mostly sadly. Occasionally angrily.

What series 9, and especially 9.3 really needed to do was a) wind up and honour the character arcs/plot arcs of Endeavour and b) set things up for Inspector Morse. And honestly, after months of pondering and thinking and hearing other people's views on it (both those I agree with and those I don't, the latter actually including Shaun Evans's ;-) )... I think it did at least partially fail in both those aims. But I think it failed ambitiously and lovingly. Which matters.

The Bad Stuff:-

The key problem Russell Lewis has said he had in writing s9 was the Thursday family and the fact that Morse never mentions any of them in IM, at least unless Joan really is the Mrs Strange of that period of time.

This problem was made worse by the fact that they are four of the most lovable characters in Endeavour, and that the relationship between Morse and Fred Thursday is the key one within it. So I can see the logic! Something awful has to happen. And given Morse's romantic interest in Joan, the Thursday family generational war trauma, and Fred's PTSD-ridden tendencies towards explosive violence when he's feeling protective of his loved ones or other vulnerable people... I can see why Lewis went with the solution he did.

The trouble is... solving the Problem of the Thursdays I think took over series 9 to such an extent that the writing managed to:-

a) honestly? fridge the character development and perceived quality of all four Thursdays (especially Fred and Joan, both of whom I think got a really rough deal tbh) in order to further Morse's long-term arc, which really is a bit bloody unfair after 9 seasons. Very very damn unfair in fact. And... uncompassionate, which is awful given that overall Endeavour is one of the most compassionate shows I've ever seen.

b) undermine Jakes's return by giving a necessary incompleteness to his search for Big Pete (and also massively underusing Jack Laskey, but honestly the fact that series 9 was only three episodes long did cause problems there).

c) turn Big Pete/Raymond Kennet into just a plot device for the aforementioned fridging of Fred's character development which... actually I admit didn't fully notice until I read a fic chapter today which did the opposite, but oof.

d) undermine Max's friendship with Morse in Inspector Morse by ignoring it completely and implying that Morse is Alone Forever after the events of Endeavour which just Isn't The Case (and again, James Bradshaw was shockingly underused). Gods could we have done with at least one scene where it was recognised that Max isn't going anywhere and they like each other so much. <3

e) actually? Undermine the complexity of the Morse of Inspector Morse too. Because DCI Morse? Is not constantly miserable and dour and closed off and unable to connect with people. He has friends, he has choir, he can make literary references in the station and have a random PC pick them up, he has a positively impish sense of humour at times, he still has his wonderful relationship with Joyce. His house is gorgeous and thoroughly well-loved. He immediately warms to Lewis who is a lot like Thursday at times, and he clearly rather enjoys Lewis teasing him so much. He is kind and compassionate, and sometimes his manner with witnesses is very like Thursday's avuncular best moments. Sure, DCI Morse is also difficult and grumpy and most definitely an alcoholic; he struggles to open up fully to people and never manages to pull off a long-term romantic relationship. But he's not a permanent ice king. He's actually a lot more like the earlier DC Morse at times than the Morse of the last few minutes of 9.3! The whole "I was betrayed by Thursday and now I will never trust anyone ever again ever" thing just wasn't necessary in order to set up Morse in his 40s and 50s. If anything, it leaves open the question of how he navigates what's actually a rather larger character jump than it would have been if Endeavour had ended earlier. Which just... ngyargh. (Also, I mean... I'm not aro, very emphatically not, but even I can see that there's something more than a bit problematic about the suggestion that Morse's life is tragic forever because he's usually single.)

Here's the other thing though: the one respect in which he is very closed-off even with Lewis in Inspector Morse is that he never tells Lewis about anyone important in his past unless he actually has to (usually because they die a violent death and his connection with the victim comes up). Never mentioning the Thursdays, Dorothea, Bright, Jakes? It didn't need that intense an explanation. At least, not a "he can't even bear to think about Fred or Joan again" explanation. It just means none of them died a violent death in Thames Valley during his time as DCI which, you know, I am extremely fricking glad about! ;-) He could press the still-beloved Thursday family to his heart like flowers, and that would be enough. He could still be getting postcards from all of them right up to the end (and I'm persisting in believing that he does ;-) ).

To unpack point a) a bit:- I mean where Joan's concerned I think a lot of us agree on this. I actually do like Strange! But it is horrible that we never hear anything about Joan's social work in series 9; it's implied that she's giving up her job in order to marry him. And Joan finding herself and moving towards saving the world one woman at a time was beautiful. I mean, there was no obligation to have everyone have a happy ending series 9! But the ending of that arc of Joan's without explanation and without comment. Not even a brief discussion where she says that she's regarding it as worth it, or is wondering about going back to work at some point... gah. That's harsh. Also, if she is the Mrs Strange of Inspector Morse? That isn't going to be a very happy marriage. :( So we're left I think hoping that they'll divorce, and that Joan will go back to social work one day, and perhaps go and find her family.

And Fred. Oh Gods, Fred. I mean, I have made so many posts about him on here. ;-) The thing is: with the context provided in series 9, him committing manslaughter (not murder! not under English/Welsh law! and he might even have a decent case for self-(and other) defense!) and perverting the course of justice (yeah okay that he definitely is guilty of) in order to save Sam... it makes sense. He has had his moments of violence, and I think it's crucial to not forget that he's killed two people to save Morse in the past. Which... is part of what frustrates me, because it feels like the narrative in 9.3 is that we should treat Fred killing to save Sam as somehow less morally okay than him killing to save Morse. Which is the kind of protagonist-centered morality (or indeed police-centered morality?) that the morseverse generally avoids, and I Do Not Like It.

But the precise circumstances that series 9 creates in order to make it convincing for Fred to a) do that, b) cover it up, c) snap that badly at Morse, d) try to justify what he's done to Morse... they were extreme. It takes one of the most intense piles of trauma laid on one character in one 3-episode season of anything I think I've ever seen. Fred is going through so much, he's so broken, he's so burnt out. And I mean... of course! It took all of that to make him make those mistakes! But in retrospect... if you need to set up that intense a situation in order to make a character fuck up enough to further the plot line of another character... yeah. Hence my comment about fridging his arc. The point of Morse and Fred's relationship until series 9 has always been that even though they are both very flawed and very fallible, their love for each other is a good and awesome thing (series 7 I think really brings that home <3 ). It feels to me that 9.3 makes the whole of the rest of the show less moving and good, and that's... oh that's sad. So sad. :( I mean, I'm very biased, the Morse & Fred relationship has always been my favourite thing about Endeavour! But if the ultimate message is "Morse should never have loved Fred that much, however kind Fred was and however often he saved Morse's life"... oh that's just... it makes the whole thing so much thinner. This is, apart from anything else, a man who explicitly puts his marriage at risk when his son is missing in order to save Morse at the end of s8! But now we're supposed to see everything a tragedy because Morse has to accept that he isn't that important to Fred and never has been because during a really intense few months he's not been Fred's number 1 priority and... gaaaah.

This is terribly rambly; I'm really not as articulate today as I should like. Apologies!

The thing is: I've been fighting actually-being-a-bit-disappointed-in-series 9 for months, but now I'm going "no actually they failed" I can be a bit more generous. :)

Because...

The Good Stuff:

a) Bright's arc is fantastic. 100/10, no criticisms. <3 Probably the only one I'm fully happy about but I am very happy about it.

b) There is not a split-second in the whole of series 9 (the whole of Endeavour in fact) in which the acting is other than superb, especially from the main cast. That farewell scene between Morse and Thursday? Fucking hell. I mean, Roger Allam is my favourite actor, he never disappoints, but he still astounded me! And Shaun was also just magnificent. <3 And why hasn't Anton Lesser played Prospero yet; his delivery of the speech was incredible! Also fucking hell Caroline O'Neill is an unsung hero of the whole show.

c) To do the Fred arc justice: Fred's morality wasn't thrown away over nothing. I do feel that the trauma-conga-line-to-enable-Fred-to-let-Morse-down-sufficiently bordered at least on the contrived and unkind, but my Gods it would have been so much worse if it wasn't there! <3

d) So much nuance. I mean the fact that a lot of us cheerfully disagree with each other over how forgiving or otherwise Morse was feeling towards Fred? Is based on microexpressions, and call-backs, and how much we can read into the layering of Fred's image over the reference to Lazarus "born a pauper" in the "In Paradisum" of the Faure Requiem, and what sounds like was more than one filmed version of the farewell scene. I mean, my Gods. Endeavour has always respected the intelligence of the viewer, but that was something else.

e) The nitty-gritty of the dialogue never stopped being wonderful. Some absolutely incredible lines, literary references, layered scenes... I know I talk about James Bradshaw and Jack Laskey being underused, but the lines that each of Max and Jakes got while actually onscreen? Phenomenal. Ditto Abigail Thaw/Dorothea, on all counts.

f) The cinematography bloody hell. <3 <3 <3 And the music! Aaah!

The failures of series 9 I see are in pacing, and in making flawed decisions that don't serve the characterisation. They aren't, not once, about the quality of filmmaking being anything other than fantastic. <3 Or the storyline being other than extremely ambitious. There's nothing lazy or cheap or shock-tactics-for-the-sake-of-shock-tactics or (grr) prioritising being unpredictable over being good. It's all earnest and loving and beautifully-realised.

So many times when a show ends disappointingly (or a show's current main actor's final series ending disappointingly *cough*Shetland*cough*) it's down to lack of care and attention and love. I can't possibly accuse Russell Lewis or anyone involved in Endeavour of that. <3

I just... I just wish, so much, that they'd made different choices for the Thursdays. But at least we still have fanfic. :-)

(Also, full love to those of you who disagree with me on part or all of this! I love that this is a fandom where we can agree to disagree, and avoid much in the way of ship wars/character wars etc.. <3 Long may it continue!)

[englishstrawbie]

Station 19 6x17

After the beautiful slow build-up over 6B, I’m glad to see this step forwards for Maya and Carina. For everything we’ve seen, the romance and the re-connecting, there’s still that doubt in Carina’s mind that she comes second to chaos. I think that makes sense - because everything since Maya’s accident has been calm. It’s been hard, there’s been a lot of soul-searching for both of them, but life has been calm. Carina says it herself - she needs to know that Maya will still be this Maya when things don’t go her way, when there is chaos around them. 

So for Carina to finally see it is a big thing. To see that Maya has chosen her health and her marriage over her career is a big thing. “There’s something she wants more...” 🥰 Tbh, the scene with Ben and Ross felt awkward to me, not the acting so much but the writing. But it served its purpose and the locker room scene was sweet. 

Carina putting her wedding ring back on was a blink-and-miss-it moment. I didn’t expect a lot from it, but seeing it from less than three feet away would have been nice! But I do love the idea that Carina has been carrying her wedding ring around with her for the right moment when she feels ready to put it back on. ❤️

Maya carrying Carina through the door to their apartment? *Swoon*

As for Maya, good for her not wanting to join the captain’s race. I liked the conversation with Jack, I enjoy their friendship when it’s not complicated with sex or sperm. “You show up and allow for the possibility that you will meet someone who might some day matter to you. Just let life do its thing, don’t try to control it.” - look at that growth, that she’s now giving that kind of advice to someone else. ❤️

Maya caught on the scrubber made me laugh, it looked ridiculous. (Although how does Danielle look so good in the scenes afterwards? 😍)

I always love it when Peggy and Dayna show up, they’re so chaotic. Loved Ben’s “they’re your responsibility” to Carina and the whole “how bad is it?” “oh my god, I mean you’re ok, you look great” when the kid showed up injured. 😂 

I was glad to see Marsha back. I love the Jack and Marsha relationship, he needs a mother figure around more often. Also, the Jack and Lila scene made me so happy! I’ve wanted to see him find his foster siblings since we learned about them in season 3. The comment about Cal not remembering him felt odd, how does he know? It might be too much to hope that this part of his story continues and we see more of that relationship, but I’d like to. 

I enjoyed the Vic and Beckett scenes more than I thought I would - and that’s not to say I don’t have empathy for Beckett, because I do. Despite all he has done, it would be hard not to when someone is in such a dark place. But I mostly enjoyed them for Vic, watching her be smart, getting him to talk, persuading him to go back to rehab. The Crisis One aspect of the show has great potential to give Vic some more interesting storylines and I hope they use it next year.

I’m glad to see the show has evolved from season 1 so that when there’s a captain’s race between multiple lieutenants, they don’t get competitive and start arguing amongst each other... oh wait. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Fuck Bob for goading Andy and trying to ruin her chances of getting the captain’s role. 

Thank god Dixon didn’t win the mayoral race. I don’t understand the point of making him a series regular for season 6 but I hope he’ll be gone next year. (Let’s face it, his scenes are better when Kitty is there antagonising him!)

How is there only one episode left of this season? 😭

[asheepinthenight]

I have a question! What is your writing process? As in, do you have a set amount of words to reach a day or do you simply write when the feeling grabs you? Did you plan the entire story out first before you started writing or did it shape as you went? I’m curious!

Honestly, my process is a little chaotic! I'm neurodivergent, so most of my "process" is just working around what my brain can and cannot be persuaded to do on a given day. In general, most of the writing/coding work gets done in intense productivity bursts of a few days, weeks or months followed by periods of lower intensity. While the intense periods get the actual job done, the low-intensity ones are where the story actually takes shape. For every hour I spend writing and coding, I spend significantly longer on other background work, whether that's planning scenes, working on lore, or thinking super hard about why some particular thing isn't working.

As far as the writing itself, I did start out using weekly/monthly word count goals, but it didn't really work for me as a motivational tool. Since the vast majority of passages for TE contain at least some text variation based on variables, it's more confusing to write and code separately, so I do them both at once. I also commit the cardinal writer sin of writing and editing more or less simultaneously, so the actual word count of the project bounces around quite a lot. Sometimes, cutting several thousand words that aren't working feels like a big accomplishment on its own! So instead of using word count, I try to focus on making writing its own reward. Writing isn't always fun, but if I'm not compelled by the act of writing a scene, it usually means that I need to slow down and find a way to make it more vibrant—or it needs to be cut or rearranged.

On the planning side, I'm a planner when it comes to the big-picture stuff and more of a pantser on the scene level. TE started its life as a vague list of scenes (I work off scenes rather than chapters), then became a flowchart in Obsidian.

The flowchart's seen a lot of changes since its initial form, but the general structure is mostly the same. It hasn't been updated since the last demo update, but the demo scenes (green) are pretty orderly with connection arrows between them. The farther you go into future scenes (red), the less structured they get. Most of the red scenes don't even show the major branching they'll include. Usually, as a planned scene approaches, the way it connects to preceding scenes will present itself, whether it's through a time skip or some new scenes. Subplots and other elements that don't need to coincide with external plot beats get slotted in wherever makes sense without disturbing the flow of the story.

I can't say that I'd recommend my process to anyone, but if you want to try it, have at it! It's all about finding a method that works well for a given person and a given project.

[zuppizup]

Hiiii I just finished the first two chapters of Fuel the Pyre! I'm super excited for it, it's very well done!

I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your writing process. How do you outline? What kinds of things need to be in an outline in order for you to visualize the story? Do you outline the entire story, one chapter, or just one scene at a time?

Thank you for your time!

Hello! Thanks so much for your kind words! I’m so happy you’re liking the fic so far.

This is a super fun ask. Not sure how coherent or helpful my response will be, but I’ll give it a try. 😆

So, stories like Purgatory, Fuel the Pyre or my WIP dark magic AU, always start out as a bunch of questions.

What if Ezran hadn’t interrupted Callum and Rayla in Viren’s study…

Could a human/elf halfling do primal magic? Can all of them or just a few? What would control that?

What would the world be like if dark magic actually was controlled and regulated.

I usually don’t start out planning a fic when I ponder questions like this, it’s usually just my mind wandering. For me, while I love big, wonderful, imaginative worlds (like the world of The Dragon Prince) what I’m really more interested in is how these things affect individuals. I actually tend to visualise the story before I outline. In fact, I often visualise far beyond where I think I’ll finish the story. (I say where I think I’ll finish because both my current long fics are now firmly in the “after the end of the planned fic” territory)

So, in Fuel the Pyre, for example, I imagine there’s a lot of unknowns for the people involved. Halflings would be pretty new on the scene, all things considered, so the characters themselves wouldn’t have the answer to these questions, which felt like a great excuse to add tension and drama.

Once an idea has got me and I can imagine how that conflict is going to affect the characters, the general outline tends to sort of write itself. I am a planner, so I by the time I start putting pen to paper (so to speak), I’ll usually have a beginning, a rough middle and an end. There will be plot points, tangents, twists and sometimes side stories that I haven’t figured out, but I’ll have a plan for the general flow of the story.

From there, I’ll come up with a pretty messy draft. So, I just sort of go wild in a document. Usually, when I’ve decided I want to write a longer fic, it’s because certain scenes just play on repeat in my head, so I’ll indulge myself and write those out. Then I’ll go back and make rough chapter/arc notes, which usually leads into some other fun scenes I get inspired to write, and slowly, piece by piece, I sort of string the fic together like that.

I used to outline more linearly, starting at the first chapter and working from there, but I found I’d get stuck on transition scenes (the bane of my writing life) and then avoid the fic. (If I put my fingers in my ears and sing very loudly, the transition scene can’t hurt me). I find letting myself write the scenes I’m excited for makes me much more productive. They usually give me ideas for other fun (I use the term loosely, I generally mean “angsty”) scenes and I essentially build my story like that. I do like adding foreshadowing and twists, which is made a lot easier by writing like this too.

In Purgatory, for example, I tried to drop a lot of subtle hints about Callum and his slowly building arcanum connection. It’s so fun when people pick up on that stuff, but I also don’t want it to look like I just pulled a twist or a revelation out of my rear. Nowadays, I do prefer to write the bulk of a story before posting, which this method obviously works better for.

Often, when I start a fic, the beginning and the ending are the most defined parts of the story and the middle is the area that requires the most work, but by stringing the various elements together, I sort of “discover” new conflicts and fun elements to explore, which (hopefully) makes for a richer, more entertaining story.

So, not sure if that was what you’re looking for, but if you could describe the stream of consciousness that is how I write, a process, this is mine. 😅

[idk-my-aesthetic]

**Toh ending spoilers**

So if season 3 hadn’t been cut I’m pretty sure we would’ve had an all out Amity VS Luz fight in the finale

Like, this is just a theory. But not only is the setup absolutely there- both with the collecter possessing people under Belos’s instructions or Belos himself possessing ppl- but it makes for a fantastic parallel.

One of their first interactions is the witches duel! A full blown finale fight would be an incredible parallel to show how far they’ve come and grown as witches. Plus it plays on some of their biggest fears- hurting the ppl she loves for Luz and for Amity- who’s main thing is about working on becoming a better person- would be a devastating regression

Also just like. Big emotional scene where mind controlled Amity is saying mean things, and Luz agrees, and Amity has to snap herself out to convince Luz that no those hurtful things weren’t true and I’m so sorry and then they comfort each other and have a nice romantic moment

Like In the actual episode Amity is the one to comfort Luz and tell her about the light glyph being what wakes people up. (Which btw is a connection I love so much how the light glyph was the first she learned and it’s her name and it’s what keeps saving ppl Luz keeps saving people even when she thinks badly of herself she is good and kind and no matter what she thinks she can’t erase that or the good she’s done)

the actual interaction in the nightmare world are kinda short bc the mouse screwed them over and also bc Luz can’t properly finish her arc until she talks to Papa Titian for finale reasons but like

Imagine Luz in the nightmare realm as her freinds yell at her. And she believes them! Ofc she believes them!! She’s been wallowing in guilt for months of course she believes it

Amity gets the quote right. They fight.

Its big and flashy and scary. Luz is so distraught she’s not really properly putting up a fight and Stringbean has to kinda pick up the slack so she doesn’t really get hurt. The others are probably joining in as backup for Amity, throwing in mean things that Luz just keeps agreeing with

(There’s moments when Amity, misses an easy shot or takes a second too long to react, but that’s all the rebellion she can muster. For now)

Mid fight, while saying or agreeing with something mean about herself, Luz casts a light spell

Amity does not wake up

Willow does

And Willow says she’s wrong. Willow starts defending Luz from the others, rebuking all the self deprecating claims Luz makes. As she goes Willow manages to wake up Gus, then Amity, then Hunter

The four of them fight together to protect Luz from whatever monsters manifest from the nightmare, and also from her own self deprecation

Like I feel like it would be so beautiful. Luz’s whole life all she’s wanted is to be understood. She struggled so hard to make freinds, and she loves these ones so much and she’s so afraid that she hurt them. But instead they turn around and say no you didn’t and we love you and fight for her because after so so long of being alone Luz finally has a family, brothers and sisters and a girlfriend who love her.

She would have the support she needed to finally believe them and stop listening to her own fears. The support to finally believe in and choose herself

Now obviously changing this stuff would wreak havoc on the actual script and mess with a lot of what they’d be capable of doing in their limited time. Plus screw up some really really incredible moments like everything with the collector and Luz actually choosing herself. I do think you could make it all work with more time but obviously that’s the one thing the incredible writing team didn’t have.

Anyway I am writing a fic. but it’s very much a WIP. Collage is killing me. So expect it whenever I rise from the dead in the fanfic writer equivalent of Titian form

[cacodemonmania]

Review - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Big spoilers ahead!

Unlike my Normal People review, which I wrote a few weeks after I'd actually finished reading it, this review is nice and fresh as I finished the book about four minutes ago. I'm choosing to do my review by book, rather than the whole series, for four reasons.

I like doing reviews fresh. It helps to convey the actual thoughts I had when finishing/reading the book. Also, I have a lot to say (whoops!).

Unfortunately, I watched the movies before I read the book(s) and I have a sneaking feeling that I will not like the later books as much.

I have a hard time distinguishing between books in a series after I've read them. All the events kind of blur together. Not super helpful as reviews go.

I'm trying to keep my activity streak going. Consistency is my weakness and I have a tendency to disappear from Tumblr for months at a time. Here's to holding ourselves to stuff! (Hopefully) This is also a good way to force myself to read more.

My first concrete thought is that my heart is breaking at the end scene. The way that Peeta was so oblivious to Katniss playing it up for camera and all. Poor guy had no idea. Also, how can anyone ship Katniss and Gale? I don't mean that in a rude way, it's just kind of baffling after the amount of times Katniss said her feelings for him weren't romantic.

I thought the movies were relatively loyal to the books. Several scenes and plot lines were near exact and that's hard to do! I appreciate it, especially the details (i.e. Katniss holding the red rose as they ride in on the chariots). I do feel like they took a lot of emotion out of it, particularly Katniss. She seems a little lifeless and numb to everything in the movies, which I'd assumed was kind of just her default for going through a traumatic event like that, but after reading the books she is much livelier. Her narration, emotions, and feelings as everything is going on really sold me for how much I enjoyed the book. However, I respect the choices of the people involved in the filmmaking (because they are, in fact, good films) and perhaps that is a stylistic choice.

Katniss' narration, emotions, and reactions were all (for me) spot on. I felt like she was a real person who was aware of herself and developed over the course of the book due to the things that she was going through. Her narration was personal without sounding monologue-y, and I really enjoyed reading it. I always feel the need to acknowledge when the general feel of the writing or narration is well done because that can kill a book and make it unbearable or a chore to read.

I love the characters. They're well thought out, three dimensional, and the way that Katniss views and interacts with them is very realistic. In my mind this particularly applies to the stylist assistants, Haymitch, and Peeta. Katniss tries so hard not to judge the stylists, even though they are the very embodiment of what she dislikes about the games (i.e. their frilliness and comments, especially right after she's won). Because it's not really their fault, and she knows that they're people. She is very humane and empathetic which I think I see in myself. It's nice to see it reflected, especially in a main character. Especially in a main character who is seen as ruthless or lethal or dangerous. Her violence has motivation and she does all of the things, including killings, for real reasons. That's such an important, unique, significant thing about this book for me. Fantasy and dystopia often try to make strong (cough female cough) main characters who are badass and assassins and whatever (which is cool!! I love badass women!! I'm making a different point here), but their motivations are often lacking or cold or vague. They kill a hundred men for revenge over their slain little sister, but there is no connection to their little sister. They don't think about their little sister apart from "REVENGE!". We don't see a bond between them. I don't know, Katniss is just real and how she experiences and feels things is too. Woah! Bit of a detour we took there. Let's get back on track. Haymitch is probably someone who has been discussed a thousand times (pure vibe speculation). It's interesting to see him go from a drunk, no care, jerk to someone Katniss relies on and cares for. (cough three dimensional cough) It's also cool to see Katniss realize that and realize that the reason he's an alcoholic is due to what the Capital has put him through. Peeta. Oh, Peeta. The way Katniss views Peeta is kind of funny. She talks about how hard he is to predict, how mysterious, how strategic, when he's just a teenage boy in love. She's always trying to figure out his secret, ulterior motives and it's just that he likes her.

I have a lot of thoughts but I think many of them are ranging into hard to put into words and mostly just general feelings territory which is never nice to try and explain. Plus, I've talked a lot already. I realize, editing this, that these aren't really "reviews" so much as a dumping of my major thoughts and feelings. Maybe I should rename the series. Thoughts?

I would recommend reading this book! (You probably have already)

See you for Catching Fire :,)

[semi-sketchy]

Frontiers writing really does feel like "okay let's grab what people love talking about online" mixed with hazy memories of what happened in past games without anyone bothering to, you know. ACTUALLY look at what happened in them.

And then a lot of new stuff being added that then, isn't expanded.

Yup. It's dangling keys in front of my face when I know exactly what those keys go to, and it's not what you're telling me. Like I'm not an encyclopedia and I've got an awful memory, but even I know off the top of my head that Eggman didn't stop Neo Metal in Heroes. Considering how much Flynn loves that storyline I'm honestly surprised he got this wrong.

The cutscenes in general are quite shoddy and miss a valuable piece of writing advice: be careful about including normal conversations.

True, people DO talk this way, but the reason we don't write about it and instead condense it to a "they chatted about the weather for a few minutes" is because it's boring.

I feel like I should give the side stories more slack since they're optional, but they're really so meaningless. Well, they're SUPPOSED to mean something, they're meant to build up this mystery, but just asking mundane questions about random stuff isn't really what I'd call "building a mystery." It's just characters speculating about tiny little details surrounding the ancient culture that doesn't loop back into the overall mystery. They're not good foreshadowing and add nothing of value, not even entertainment. They're all so impersonal since they don't even use these little scenes to show how well the characters bounce off each other.

If you want an example of this done well, there's TONS of optional discussions in Xenoblade 3 where the gang just talk about regular stuff, but it's so funny because they don't know what the hell they're talking about. There's one where Sena accidentally invents zoos, it's great and I'm mad no one has compiled them on YouTube yet Of course, there's also stuff to expand on the lore and world building, but they're mostly reserved for everyday antics that highlight the excellent dynamics these characters have.

And that's what makes them good. It's not just "Everyday conversation #16" because it gives the characters a chance to make something a little more personal to them.

Frontiers misses that mark by because it needs these characters to be informational mouthpieces to move the plot and that destroys the concept of character voice.

Tails uses big words to signal that he's the smart one when his actions spoke well enough for him before. Eggman is literally just sitting on the sidelines for 80% of the plot and instead of pulling any strings, he's reading textbooks into audio logs. Like buddy. You have an AI that is totally obedient, why is your order "find me a way out of here" when you're studying this place? YOU are the one coming up with answers and connections everywhere, why aren't YOU looking for a way out yourself instead of sitting on your ass and relishing in a robot punching Sonic? Fucks sake, Sage can activate these ancient weapons, have her USE THEM to GET RID OF SONIC so he can't UNLEASH THE BEAST. This is such a simple and easy way to make the plot more interesting I will not stop harping on it

I wonder if this story will sour on people over time or if in 10 years it will still be praised it as one of the greats.

[bestfriend491]

just read all your fics and they’re all amazing 🥹 bp women deserve all the love!! very excited for your ramonda and aneka/ayo fics especially not a lot write for them 😭 if you are open for requests, can i request an aneka/ayo where we get to see what happens after aneka quits the dora? i really wished they kept that deleted scene in 😩 that’s all and i hope you take lots of breaks and don’t pressure yourself 💕 thank you for your works!

Jurisdiction

Aneka x Ayo

Summary: Aneka's just quit the Dora Milaje. Talokan attacks are looming, and Ayo just wants the peace back.

Word Count: 3.4k

Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: None

Author's Note: Before we begin, l have to say that Introspection Part. 2 is coming out next week, and boy, am I excited 🤭 Keep an eye out for that. 😏 Also, writing this story nearly gave me a heart attack with how hard it was to get a solid plot. It nearly put me back in writers's jail, but i persevered! Okay, enjoy!

"Aneka?" The new General's voice echoed through the space she was in. Her eyes held blurry vision and she didn't know where she was.

She stood up from her position on the floor, letting the imaginary stars entertain her as she rubbed her eyes for relief.

"Aneka?" She tried again.

When the show finally stopped, she wished it hadn't. The green walls that she knew all too well welcoming her into her mind's maze of madness.

She was facing away from the contents of the room. Left to look at the cracked paint that slowly but surely chipped worse as the days went on. She felt a presence behind her.

His presence.

The presence that had been growing within her for years, maybe even decades.

He was big. Probably bigger than the last time she saw him. She couldn’t be sure.

He breathed as softly as always. Not moving. Just like usual.

With bated breath Ayo turned. Barely having room to, she went limb by limb, needing to find out how bad it was. How much damage she'd done. Needing to see if she could fix it like she usually did.

She knew it wasn't good, but when she saw him, grunting in pain more than anything, pulses of shock flowed from her heart through to the rest of her body.

He was big now. Worse than she'd ever seen him. He couldn't stand or shift, his body laying in one spot, watching her look at him.

Ayo's eyes grew wide, fixed on his state. Though she'd usually ignore him and try to leave the room to resume her dreaming, she was always aware of his connection to her. His connections to her mind and all that wandered in it.

He was the one thing that remained consistent with her. The elephant that sat in the corner of her room, absorbing all the unconfronted internal battles that Ayo fought.

Having memories of him even in her early years, Ayo knew him as her longest standing relationship with anything other than a human. Her most taxing one too.

All he usually did was stare at her with his dark eyes. The eyes of memory, that reflected all of Ayo’s worst moments.

After seeing what those eyes did at just 8 years old, she vowed to never look into them again. Staying in her corner of their shared room whenever she found herself dreaming of him again.

They were cordial roommates. Very well coordinated. Ayo knew how to get him to leave her alone and he didn't do much but grow anyway.

They'd created a strange codependency, which despite a few bad nights, worked to the benefit of them both.

As she looked at him now, helpless and pleading for her assistance; for her cooperation, she knew that it wasn't going to be an easy night.

He was blocking the door. Something that had only ever happened a couple of times. Always with bad endings to the night. It was the one thing she didn't need after the day she'd had, the rising conflict with Talokan having drained her of everything she had.

There were only two ways to get out of this.

Making him smaller, or waking herself up forcibly.

The latter would rob her of her sleep, leaving her body on edge for the rest of the night. Not a great way to spend the few free hours that she had with no new duties. But it would also get rid of him immediately. No questions asked.

The former would allow her to sleep for the entire night, resting with the animal that created this ultimatum. But it was invasive. Asking questions that Ayo couldn’t answer, or more so didn't want to answer. It required reliving moments that brought her key principles into question, inevitably exposing the holes in her idea of allegiance that she'd never been able to fill in.

Its solution was its cause. Confronting the inner debates that ran through her mind constantly. Never reaching a conclusive decision.

It was the truth that she didn't want to consume tonight.

She already knew what it would cover, the letters painted intricately on her elephant's face.

The issue that she'd been avoiding the most.

Loyalty… and all the things that came with it.

She would've much rather stayed laying awake for the rest of the night than touch that topic.

The woman was used to not sleeping anyway.

She began breaking down the green room and waking herself up in the process. Her physical body moved around to hold the support that it needed to get through without a panic attack.

But her support wasn't there.

Her wife wasn't there. She had chased her away.

All she was met with was a cold breeze forming an attack against her skin when she awoke.

Her breathing was shaky, and riddled with anxiety.

She wanted Aneka with her. She needed her with her. But that wasn't possible. The day's earlier events had ruined that possibility.

She’d pointed her spear at Okoye. Gotten every other Dora Milaje to do the same.

She’d threatened her with bloodshed, only hours after taking her position as General.

She was harsh and didn't consider the impact that this betrayal would bring. Barely minutes after burning that bridge she quickly lit fire to another. The pressure coming to an all time high.

"Beloved." Aneka had said so compassionately, voicing her concern over the extreme measures that had been threatened.

Ayo was the complete opposite. Dismissive and defensive.

"This is out of the scope of your duty, soldier." she had said. Only partially aware of who she was talking to when she saw the disbelief in Aneka’s eyes.

There was a fine line between speaking to her as a soldier and speaking to her as her wife. Aneka had addressed her as her wife, not as the General. And not receiving that same energy was disappointing at best and at worst an outright violation of the rules that they had established in their marriage.

Feeling no need to continue biting her tongue, she said the unthinkable. "And if I step outside the scope of my duty will you also point your spear at me?"

Cold metal hit Ayo’s hand just as images of her elephant crushing her had flashed through her mind. There was no breathing room. She had waited too long. Flown too close to the sun, and now she was actively falling from the sky.

"Don't do this." she pleaded, her mind occupied. She could fix this.

"Ndigqibile (I'm done)." Aneka said.

Or maybe she couldn’t; because she was.

Leaving and ignoring all Ayo’s further attempts to contact her for the 24 hours that passed.

It was possibly the fastest rise to success and fall from grace that there ever was. Ayo defenseless against it all.

Now she could barely breathe, making another attempt to call Aneka. Again she didn't answer, but instead of stopping her attempts at that point, she thought to send a voice-mail.

Starting shaky she tried to keep it short. "My love. I- uh…" eyes watering, she wiped them quickly.

"I know you're upset and don't want to talk to me. I'm sorry about what I said. I shouldn't have been so dismissive." She got stuck there and decided to send it off like that, rather than sitting saying nothing.

The clock's fastest arrow barely finished another rotation before she got a call on her beads.

'My love 👑'

She didn't let it finish a full ring before answering.

"My love?" She said, breathless and still teary eyed.

"What's got you upset?" Was all she got back.

"What?"

"Your message. I could hear that something's wrong."

Immediately Ayo tried to cover for herself, not wanting to make the few moments that this call would last for, about herself.

Aneka was clearly still mad. But she was also still a caring wife who knew every time Ayo wasn't okay.

"I couldn't sleep."

"You saw him again?"

Ayo nodded, not realising that they weren't in the same room.

"Yes." She continued.

She heard a sigh coming from Aneka. Then some movement.

"Are you still in bed?" Was the next question. When she gave her answer, Aneka began helping her calm down. Exactly like she would if she were in the palace room with Ayo.

It soothed her for a while, letting her melt into the soft bed for a while. But soon it became too calming, and she started seeing green again.

"It's happening again." She said, fear bubbling up again.

"Let it happen, beloved. Let yourself see him. Look at him." She heard.

So she did. Her body returned to the big green room with her oldest companion still there. He was only slightly smaller, still blocking the door.

Knowing that her options were limited and she actually had to face her fears, she felt almost completely bare. Her skin feeling colder than before and space feeling more limited.

"Keep breathing, Sthandwa." Her support gave her the strength to go on.

She stood again, going to him nervously as she placed her hand where his trunk started.

He didn't move, fixing his eyes to look at her as she looked at him.

His eyes were warm, inviting her to be at ease when she went through her tough memories.

When she looked deeply at those eyes, and let her subconscious take over, a bright light entered her view. The introduction to her first memory of true loyalty. Shown by her best friend.

Okoye stood defending her from a particularly aggressive bully. They were still young, so Okoye was tiny compared to them, but she fought in Ayo's honour, protecting her from harm.

It was the first time anyone did that for her. The first time that she'd felt personal loyalty being declared.

That memory was easy territory. A good opening to the more complicated things. It was the illusion that made her get comfortable, forgetting why she was there in the first place.

She wasn’t there to learn what loyalty was.

She understood and cherished the value of loyalty a lot. She was a very loyal person herself.

What kept her trapped in that room wasn't that.

It was the nuances that the rules of loyalty refused to answer for.

The memories of times where being loyal didn't help at all.

It was the one factor that she'd been avoiding for so long. Having to admit that she wasn’t as loyal as she thought.

She saw images of where it began.

In Dora Milaje training. Where for years she had been taught to protect the throne by any means. Her loyalty lying there before anywhere else. She worked hard alongside her fellow Adored Ones and they were all painfully conscious of the loyalty that this took, promising to fight for the throne no matter who sat on it.

It was the major loyalty in both her and her wife’s lives. Having to stay more loyal to the duties of the work that they did than to the people who encompassed this job.

It was harder than it looked. Never truly having full loyalty to the ones that they loved all because one never knew when it would clash with the throne that they protected.

Aneka had always been less conflicted with the decisions that being a Dora came with. Knowing herself enough to have an unspoken understanding that she was always going to connect to the people rather than the throne itself. It was a principle that she was willing to risk her job for. All possible life changes being thought out by her for if she was ever stripped of her duties.

It was why she'd so easily forfeited her years of hard work when Ayo seemed to struggle to choose between her new position and her longest standing friendship.

Ayo always struggled to choose sides; having to decide which people she’d defend if they both were at odds with each other. It was all so complicated. Something that would bring out the flaws in anyone. Something that would bring out the flaws in her.

The image of being pulled by both sides, only to tear straight through the middle in the process left her heart racing and her pores open and sweating from the anxiety that would build up.

Uncomfortable with being that uncomfortable, Ayo often avoided thinking about it at all costs.

To her, she was making the elephant that consumed the room in her head a beautiful artefact to be looked at. Avoiding it would preserve the beauty for longer.

The 'elephant' conversation came up quite often at home, as her wife did not share the same passion for observing the elephant from afar as she did. She wanted Ayo to be able to sleep in peace for the first time in a while.

It had been Ayo and the elephant from the day Killmonger was defeated.

The two had come home to the air being filled with questions. Ayo's heart wondered if the initial oath to protect the throne and only the throne was really a tactical agreement to make. Though her heart said otherwise.

She was restless for months, worried that her decision to not stand with the rightful royalty at the time was an incredible lack of judgement.

While Aneka had made the decision to go where her heart led her after that day. No matter how severe the possible consequences to her career would be.

Ayo choosing to observe her- at that point a medium sized elephant- simply took that statement from her wife and gave it a shrug. Not wanting to address how much it was weighing on her mind too.

‘It wasn’t going to happen again, so there was nothing to worry about anyway.’ Her brain told her as she laid in the green room at night. The only time that she’d ever dare entertain the idea of approaching her large mammal. She sat at one corner, trying to avoid staring at him too intensely.

He, on the other hand, watched her from the other side. He analysed her from head to toe. Not a word spoken but judgement escaping his giant eyes and entering the air.

“What do you want?” her pasted self probed, the intensity burning her from the inside.

The mammal didn’t speak, but words echoed in the room. Words formed by voices she didn’t recognize, in a language she didn’t recognize.

She couldn’t decipher precisely what the words said, but her instinct told her that her clock of avoidance was ticking.

Those nights she would wake up abruptly, breathing to connect herself back to her physical body. The message was far too clear. So clear that she didn’t sleep for a while after that. Worrying Aneka to no end.

She would often remember the eyes of the growing elephant, how desperately he wanted to be addressed, and taken care of. It was too much for her to handle.

The times that she would accidentally fall asleep, she often found herself trapped in the same cycle. Only the size of it all increased. His eyes, his aura, the message. Everything but the room that it took place in. That only grew smaller. More cramped.

Almost suffocating.

As Ayo looked at herself through his eyes now, she shed tears. Okoye appeared onscreen. The older version. The one she'd just seen the day before.

She saw the disbelief cover her face when she brought the other Dora Milaje out.

She saw all the times that Okoye chose her over everything. Then she saw a plain figure of the woman. Staring expectantly at her.

"I'm sorry!" She wept. "I don't know where my loyalty lies! I'm sorry."

Ayo felt the tears running down in her head and in real life.

"Loyalty is more complicated than that." She broke eye contact with the elephant.

That was the first time she heard a real word come out of the room and she knew it wasn't Aneka.

That only made her cry harder. The pressure of being shoved into the General position with no formal notice presenting itself.

"Ayo!"

That was her wife.

"Beloved, what's going on? Are you okay.?"

She looked up, the door no longer blocked.

Where had he gone? She had no clue.

"Ayo, you're scaring me."

Hearing her support, the door suddenly felt unimportant. She brought herself out of it.

"I'm okay," she whispered, actually wiping her tears away, "He went away."

"He went away?!" Aneka's excitement for her wife could be heard from afar.

"You did it!"

"I did." Ayo was completely shocked. He'd never gone away before. Her smile turned to a frown and she couldn't help but begin to overthink it.

"But he'll be back." She said, tensing up again.

"He probably will, beloved. But you'll just do what you did now again. And you'll do it again and again until the only memory of him will be when you're dreaming of the outside and see him doing something away from you. In the distance.

Right now, let's just be happy that he's gone for the night."

It wasn’t as cold for the remainder of the time that she called, and when she felt safe enough to, she went to sleep.

The next day, Aneka woke up to the conflicting feelings of not being sure where her and Ayo stood.

She was glad that the previous night had gone well. Happy that she'd been able to listen and support Ayo in confronting the elephant, but she still had her own full mind.

She was still battling with not knowing where Ayo’s loyalty stood. Though she put up a good front, Aneka was hurt by her wife's inability to tell her if her life would mean anything if she were to step out of line.

It wasn’t losing her place as a Dora Milaje that hurt. It was knowing that Ayo couldn’t give her a definite answer.

She trusted Ayo with her life in any other situation, but if she had to choose between her and the throne, Aneka wasn't sure if the same rules applied.

Maybe this was why she ignored the calls that Ayo had tried to send out to her when she was awake again. Maybe that is why she didn't answer the messages that followed said calls.

It was probably why she ignored the familiar footsteps that came barely an hour after the message. Why she ignored the soft knock that came through their bedroom door.

"My love?" She heard from the other side.

Silence.

"Aneka?"

Again, silence.

Until the sigh of defeat came. "Aneka, please open the door."

With a dry throat, she finally responded.

"It's open."

Ayo entered with the permission, being smart enough to have brought food and a neutral face with her. She looked more rested than before.

"Queen Ramonda went to find Nakia in Haiti."

She nodded in understanding, taking the food graciously before allowing her to sit next to her in their bed.

Instinctively she laid her head on Ayo's shoulder as she ate. The two did just that for an hour. Eat in silence.

When the food was finished they still sat, unsure where to take the conversation. Ayo wasn't oblivious to what she'd done. Just a bit unsure about how to start the conversation

"I'm sorry for not being able to answer you that night."

Aneka thought that it was a pretty good start. She hesitated, reminding herself not to dismiss her feelings with a reckless "It's okay."

She went for a more polished approach. "Seeing you so unsure about that hurt. A lot"

"I know. I'm really sorry. I trust you with my life and I want you to trust me with yours. I'd never kill you to protect the throne."

"What about Okoye?"

She took longer to answer that.

"I saw the way she looked at me. What I did hurt her. And I plan to go see her and talk as soon as I have time."

Aneka nodded, the mention of spare time making her question whether she was taking that away from her.

"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere else?"

"Probably. But the water society drama can wait."

"Should you be saying that as we sit in a house built over water?"

"Definitely not ,my love. Definitely not."

The two shared a laugh, giving themselves time to sit with each other. Just the two of them in the room. With nothing and no one else.