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puppywritings · 4 years

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sometimes they come back - qian kun (ft. huang renjun, dong sicheng, wong yukhei & johnny suh)

⇢ synopsis: kun was distraught when he lost his brother sicheng at a very young age. sixteen years later, he’s moved on from his trauma and made a living as a high school literature teacher. however, with the entrance of a troubled young student, along comes reminders of his brother’s gruesome end and somehow, kun feels a daunting link.

⇢ word count: 9.3k ⇢ trigger warnings: swearing, nightmares, trauma, mental illness, death of a family member, demons, blood, murder, one instance of semi-graphic gore.

⇢ a/n: so this is the longest thing i’ve ever written and i worked pretty damn hard on it. quick disclaimer that although i made renjun very evil i still love him ❤️ (and evil renjun is kinda sexy but u didn’t hear that from me) anyways this story definitely fits in the horror genre and may be disturbing for younger readers!! based on stephen king’s short story sometimes they come back but deviates from the actual plot. see the trigger warnings above and proceed with caution.

⇢ part of @takitaro and @starryqian‘s stephen king collab! thank u for allowing me to be part of such a fun project:)

⇢ taglist: @badwithten @sandaigdigan-reads

masterlist

Sunday.

The clock read 03:26 when Qian Kun woke up from his nightmare, panting and covered in sweat. Long ago, this was a familiar occurrence. Long ago, it was strange if he didn’t wake up like this. But, long ago, this all ended. It had been fourteen years since the nightmares stopped - so why were they happening again now?

Shaking, Kun got out of bed and trudged downstairs to the kitchen in the house where he lived alone, and had done for many years now. He flicked the switch to boil the kettle; there was no way he was getting back to sleep any time soon. His toes tapped anxiously on the tile floor while he sat at the table, picking at a hangnail on his left thumb. Why now, all this time after he had recovered, was he being forced to relive his brother’s murder as he slept?

The kettle boiled with a click, and Kun jumped. He huffed, hand on his chest, and went to prepare his drink. Coffee, black. He couldn’t take anything light or sugary, not that night. The sharpness of his beverage bit at him, and it was what he needed - a sensory distraction from the images currently filling his mind. His brother Sicheng, just thirteen years old; the light leaving his eyes as he went limp in Kun’s arms; the blood flooding out of his stab wound, bathing them both in crimson; the greaser gang dispersing, leaving Kun alone to yell, bawl, and beg. Kun shuddered, swallowing back nausea. God, he wanted to forget. But he knew he never could.

(Timeskip - 16 years earlier)

The weather had been fair on the afternoon that Kun lost his brother; the sky was blue, cloudless, and the air was practically alive with all the opportunities for young boys to find fun. The afternoon had begun much like any other. The young Kun and Sicheng, revolting against the idea of spending any time inside while the sun was shining, had set off towards their favourite diner, just a few blocks away. Kun remembered every detail exactly - he had relived the event every time he fell asleep for years afterwards - his brother’s bright blue t-shirt, the freckles scattering his cheeks, the frayed laces in his favourite sneakers. Sicheng was still small at thirteen years old, not yet having hit that growth spurt he was waiting for. In their neighbourhood, plagued with crime, bullies, and greaser gangs, Sicheng’s size put him at a disadvantage. Kun, though not huge himself, always felt protective over his younger brother, and had gotten into many a fistfight in his defence. That fated day felt perfectly normal, up until the moment they turned onto the diner’s street.

Fourteen-year-old Kun sighed. Swarmed around the entrance of their beloved diner was a group of greasers, complete with coal-black leather jackets and huge, hulking motorcycles.

“Come on, let’s go,” Sicheng said, hands tucked in his pockets. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“No,” Kun said abruptly, and Sicheng looked at him in surprise. “I’m sick of living my life in fear of these idiots. They don’t own the diner - we can just walk right past them and go inside. They can’t stop us.”

“Are you sure? What about little Shotaro?”

This made Kun pause. Everybody knew the story about little Shotaro. In the next town over, a boy a few years younger than them had been beaten to a pulp, almost killed, over a ridiculous turf war that he hadn’t even been involved in. Kun clenched his jaw, angry at the injustice, thoughts of the incident only spurring him on. He had more confidence that day than perhaps ever before.

“They won’t touch us.” Kun truly believed this. The group in question, a few years older than the brothers, had never caused them harm before. The most they had done before was chase them, and once spat on them, which had been an awful humiliation indeed, but Kun didn’t think they’d be bold enough to hurt them - it was all an act, a front to look tough. “Let's go,” Kun said with an edge of determination, and Sicheng followed him closely down the street.

As predicted, the greasers weren’t happy when Kun and Sicheng approached them - far from it. A boy, around seventeen or so, eyeballed the boys as soon as they got close. He scoffed when he saw that they weren’t stopping. “Yo,” he barked. “Diner’s ours today. Turn around.”

Kun puffed out his chest despite his nerves. “No.”

The greaser laughed incredulously, elbowing his buddy in the side as if sharing some ridiculous joke. He turned to Kun and Sicheng, looking down at them as though they were ants on the sidewalk. “Hold up. The fuck did you just say?”

“I said no,” Kun held his ground, fists clenched to keep them from trembling. Kun bravely chanced a look up at the greaser and was unable to read his expression. It was somewhere between disbelieving surprise and rage; his eyebrows were pulled tightly downwards, and his mouth was agape, showing a snaggletooth.

Kun felt Sicheng tug on the back of his shirt, holding onto his brother to ease his anxiety. He spoke up, following his older brother's lead. "We only want to get some milkshakes," he spoke with a tremor to his words. "Let us in."

There were sniggers and sneers from the group of greasers. "No means no, kid. Get lost," the ringleader spoke, leaning in close to Sicheng where he stood huddled behind Kun. "Before I make you wish you were never born. You don’t wanna fuck with me today."

Kun scoffed. "You wouldn't hurt us."

The ringleader raised a skeptical eyebrow at Kun, before stepping back, rolling up the sleeves of his leather jacket. "Grab him, boys."

Before Kun had the time to process the instruction, a pair of arms grabbed him from behind. He pulled, trying to break free, but it was to no avail. With the older boys being bigger and stronger, Kun's struggles were useless. Terror flooded his system; he had been wrong. The greasers weren't afraid to hurt him. They hadn't even hesitated. He had gravely misjudged their threat levels. As Kun grappled with the older boys, Sicheng watched. As if in slow-motion, Kun saw a fist, tightly curled, thrusting towards him, marked with a dark birthmark.

He heard the crack in his jaw before he felt the blinding pain. The pain was white-hot; it spread throughout his face, scalding his bones and making him groan. The greaser hit him again, and again, busting his nose. Kun felt dizzy with the pain, and his vision blurred.

"Let him go!" Kun heard Sicheng stick up for him as he went limp in the greasers' iron hold. "Let him go, you… y-you…"

The greaser laughed. "Spit it out, kid."

"You bitch!" Sicheng managed, almost panting with the effort.

Kun looked up to see the greaser gaping - Sicheng had managed to genuinely shock him. There was a fire in his eyes that Kun noticed despite his hazy vision. Still detained, Kun watched as the greaser reached into his leather jacket. He saw a silver flash, and naively wondered why he would wield a comb in such a threatening way.

It wasn’t until Sicheng was on his knees, crouched over and clutching his abdomen, that Kun realised it hadn’t been a comb.

“Jesus Christ,” gasped the greaser holding Kun back. He stepped back, releasing Kun, who fell onto his hands and knees.

“S-Sicheng,” Kun gasped, unable to breathe. Sicheng’s blood poured onto the pavement, and Kun felt it on his hands, warm, as he crawled towards his brother. Distantly, Kun noticed the crowd of greasers disperse, fast, but all he could focus on was Sicheng.

“Ambulance-” Kun choked out, unsure who he was calling to. “Somebody get an ambulance!”

Kun caught his brother as he collapsed, wheezing. “Sicheng, no- I- you can’t-”

Sicheng’s eyelids were heavy and they struggled to remain open. Kun knew it was too late - there was too much blood on the ground, on Kun. Sicheng went limp in his arms, his eyes went glassy. Kun screamed.

Kun suffered from a dark and heavy grief after losing Sicheng. The world seemed bleak and pointless for some time. He couldn’t understand why he was being made to live in this world, a world without his brother and best friend. What cruel hands of fate would ever take away such a young, innocent life? Plagued by nightmares, Kun trudged through the next few years.

However, as is inevitable when it comes to the resilient nature of mankind, Kun managed to move on. He went to therapy, vanquished his demons, and held Sicheng close to his heart. He stepped out of the shadow that grief had cast upon him, and vowed to live a better life than the one Sicheng had, the one that was cut far too short. He worked hard, went to a good college, and moved out of the area that was haunted by nightmares of gangs and crime.

Sixteen years after losing his brother, Kun had made quite a life for himself. He taught literature to wealthy children at a prestigious private school. The school was nothing like the one he and Sicheng had attended in their youth. Kun taught the children of politicians, CEO’s, people with money. The students Kun taught were free of leather jackets and motorcycles, and their pockets had never seen switchblade knives. They thrived in an environment that nurtured its students, looked after them and educated them. Kun lived a calm life, a stable life. He went to work each day and there wasn’t a steel-toed boot or studded leather glove in sight. He was in peace -

Monday.

Until that week. Kun rubbed his eyes as he yawned, stretching his legs, stiff from sitting at his kitchen table for such a long time. Not a single nightmare about his brother’s death for fourteen years, and now, out of the blue… Kun had dreamed of Sicheng’s death every night for a week. It was as puzzling as it was concerning. Kun blinked tiredly, looking up at the clock on the wall of his kitchen. He jumped - he had been sitting there all night. He stood, going to his window and pulling back the curtains. It was true; morning light illuminated the dew drops on his lawn, which was littered with small birds twittering away to each other. He put on another pot of coffee; it was only an hour until he had to leave for work.

Kun had had the week from hell. Each dream had been different; in some, Sicheng roared at Kun, blood gurgling from his mouth as he cursed his brother for failing to save him; in others, Kun was stabbed alongside his brother. Some dreams were a perfect replica of the actual events. One thing remained unchanged, though. Kun never saw the face of the attacker. He knew it was just a matter of his brain blocking out details to protect him, but it frustrated him at times. Kun could never hunt the man down, not even if he wanted to. He could walk past the man on the street and be none the wiser.

His house had begun to feel like a prison; he had spent each night either waking in a cold sweat, or sipping coffee at his kitchen table when the threat of nightmares was too daunting for him to even lie down. And he had spent his days recuperating. A dreadful headache had been afflicting him, and he had taken the whole week off work. Now, however, he knew he had to return. Though still exhausted, and with a dull pounding tormenting his head, Kun was very aware of how easy it was to slip back into a depressive slump. He believed that the normalcy of his work environment would soothe him, and that the darkness that had built up in his home could be shed by a nice, regular day at work.

Or so he thought.

Kun felt uneasy throughout his day at the school; there was a darkness hanging in the air, albeit a darkness only himself picked up on. He coasted through the day, serving mediocre lessons and dodging his students’ questions of, “Where have you been, Mr Qian?” and “Were you sick, Mr Qian?”

Something was off. There were dark clouds that lingered at the edges of his vision, always staying in his peripheral, never quite coming into view. There were cold spots that sent chills down his spine, and whispers that were too distant to decipher. Kun tried to brush off his paranoia as a lingering side effect of the built-up sleep deprivation he was facing, but he simply couldn’t deny the fact that something just felt wrong.

All too soon, the school day ended. Students filtered out of the building, and Kun was alone with his thoughts yet again. Resting his forehead on the cool wooden surface of his desk, he allowed himself a very self-indulgent groan, an attempt to release his frustration and restlessness. It didn’t work - not that he actually thought it would. Kun knew that he could use the excuse of catching up on work to remain in his classroom for a good few hours. However there was a limited amount of work he could stay behind to carry out, and he would have to return home soon enough, back to the darkness and the nightmares.

Kun stood, stretching his aching muscles, and idly looked out of his classroom window. Winter was approaching - though only just past four in the afternoon, a grey gloom was already beginning to fall as the sky darkened. He would go home now, he decided. At least there he could set the fire going, change into a warm sweater, and make himself dinner as he worked. Kun donned his favourite brown coat, picked up his worn briefcase, and departed his classroom.

“Mr Qian.” Kun stopped on the way to his car when he heard his name. His head whipped around at lightning speed; one could say he was a little on-edge.

“Principal Suh, hello,” Kun greeted his boss.

“You’re feeling better, I hope?” the principal spoke as he caught up with Kun, who faked a smile and nodded. “Great. I was hoping to catch you tomorrow morning but since I’ve got you now; there’s a transfer student, he’ll be in your first-period class tomorrow. I only feel the need to warn you because…” the principal paused, taking a measured sigh, as if trying to find the best words to use. “Well, he’s a bit of a problem child, it seems.”

Kun nodded and smiled at all the correct intervals, clenching a fist inside his pocket to cope with the frustration of how badly he wanted to get home.

“Nothing we can’t handle,” the principal continued, “Nothing we haven’t seen before. Rich kid lashing out to get daddy’s attention.” Kun gave a cynical laugh. “Huang Renjun. I’ll give you his file tomorrow morning.”

Huang Renjun.

Kun recognised that name from somewhere. He began to think back, but was pulled sharply from his thoughts by a searing pain in his jaw. It was deeply reminiscent of the injury he suffered from all those years ago, during his brother’s accident; the dislocated jaw he sustained when the wretched greaser had hit him.

“Right,” Kun commented distractedly, plastering that fake smile upon his face once again. “See you tomorrow, Principal Suh.” The man smiled, giving Kun a hearty pat on the back before departing.

Kun hurried to his car. The pain in his jaw was worrying, and it only became more intense with each passing moment. He couldn’t think what could’ve brought this on - surely not repercussions from his previous injury, which had healed fine and hadn’t shown a single problem in sixteen years. He drove home, the ache hanging over him like a thick fog. Once there, Kun fell into his bed, passing out just as the pain became paralysing.

Tuesday, 6:03am

Kun awoke the next morning, feeling as though he hadn’t slept a wink, despite the thirteen hours he had under his belt. Groggily, he brought a hand up to his jaw, rubbing it tentatively. No more pain. That was relieving. Still, even with the lack of pain, he wouldn’t consider the morning particularly pleasant thus far.

Kun had dreamed again that night. Another nightmare replaying Sicheng’s death. This dream, however, had been different from any other before. The faceless entity who stabbed his brother had a name. The name was never spoken, never outright stated, but Kun knew it to be true; his name was Huang Renjun.

Kun sat up, rubbing his tired eyes. He had a bad feeling. Come on, Kun, be rational, he willed himself. This was just his brain feeding the day’s information into his dream. Obviously there was no link between Kun’s new student and the bastard who killed his brother sixteen years ago - obviously. The logical part of Kun’s brain believed this completely. But he had a gut feeling that something was very, very wrong. He couldn’t shake the feeling, and it laid heavy in his stomach like a stone. He couldn’t shake it as he made breakfast, and he couldn’t shake it as he washed his face and dressed for work. It overpowered even the pounding in his head, which was rather powerful itself.

Kun knocked back some painkillers; he couldn’t take another day off, as he had used up all his paid sick days until the end of the semester. Even if he did have another sick day available, Kun didn’t think he would take it. He had a real feeling of dread, entirely surrounding Huang Renjun, transfer student and alleged problem child, guest and visitor to Kun’s nightmares. Call it morbid curiosity, but Kun had to meet the boy. He wondered if these feelings would go away once he met the student. Kun imagined it, all dread and darkness dissipating when he saw that Huang Renjun was just a regular teenage boy, albeit a little troubled.

Maybe it was just the pessimistic devil on his shoulder, but he doubted it. Everything lined up just a little too nicely for his liking - the return of his nightmares, the unshakable feelings of both dread and paranoia, the ache in his jaw, and the entrance of this child. God, Kun felt like a madman, but it truly felt linked to him.

A while later, Kun was still pondering these things as he paced up and down the staff room, clutching his coffee mug a little too tightly.

“Morning, Kun.”

The greeting was innocuous, harmless. But Kun, like a skittish horse, jumped out of his skin and allowed his mug to fall to the ground, shattering. Kun sighed.

“Woah, sorry,” Yukhei apologised, surprised and worried. “Didn’t mean to scare you there.”

“It’s okay,” Kun waved it off with a shaky smile. “Way too much caffeine in my system.”

Yukhei, gym teacher and Kun’s friend, silently helped him clean up the mess. Kun was thankful, and displayed his appreciation with another smile that he hoped seemed genuine.

Kun looked up, after sweeping up some smaller shards, to find Yukhei looking at him inquisitively. “Are you doing okay?” the taller man asked.

“I- Yeah. Yeah, I’m doing fine.” Even to his own ears, Kun didn’t put on a very convincing show.

“Burnout is a real thing, bro. You gotta take care of yourself.”

Kun’s heart raced a little, at the receival of some genuine human concern. He hadn't realised the effect it had had upon him, isolating himself for that week-long period. Kun nodded, trying hard not to tear up. “Thanks, Yukhei.”

“I think Principal Suh was looking for you, by the way,” Yukhei mentioned offhandedly.

The kid’s file - Kun had completely forgotten. In a display of perfect timing, the bell sounded, signalling the beginning of first period.

“Shit,” muttered Kun.

Yukhei gave Kun a supportive pat on the back. “We should have a catch up soon, man. You know where I am if you need anything.”

With that, Yukhei was gone, presumably to teach a class, and Kun followed after him, out into the crowds of tired, blathering teenagers. He supposed he’d just have to read the file whenever Principal Suh was free to contact him.

Kun’s classroom was full by the time he reached it - had he really taken that long? he wondered distantly. His students were a little rowdy despite the early hour, seizing the lack of supervision and taking full advantage of it, chatting to each other noisily. They hadn’t noted his arrival yet, so Kun took the opportunity to stand in the doorway for a moment, unseen and undetected. He glanced around the room, and his eyes fell upon his new student easily.

Huang Renjun. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Where his classmates dressed appropriately in the uniformed navy blazers, Renjun wore a very prominent black leather jacket. Kun swallowed nervously. The boy was facing away from Kun, speaking to his peers, but he knew it was him. Taking a shaky breath, Kun stepped into his classroom, pushing through the panic brought on by one of his triggers. The leather jacket, far too reminiscent of his youth and the traumas he endured there, had had a profound effect on him, but he had the necessary coping mechanisms to deal with it. He inhaled deeply, paused, and exhaled.

Kun cleared his throat as he entered the room, and the chatter quietened. “Excuse me,” he spoke, his voice clear and bold, pointedly avoiding looking at the boy. “I know you’re new here, but you can’t wear that in class.” Still keeping his gaze away from the student, Kun removed his coat and pressed the power button to boot up his computer.

Huang Renjun remained silent, although another student, Haeun, spoke up. “What are you talking about, Mr Qian? He’s wearing the uniform.”

Kun blinked, finally taking another look at Renjun. The boy had turned around and was, in fact, complying entirely with the uniform code. Blazer included. No leather jacket to be seen. A few students snickered at Kun’s mistake. Luckily, he knew he wouldn’t get mocked too much; most of his students respected him highly. He was well-liked, generally. They would let this mistake pass.

Renjun wasn’t looking at Kun. His gaze was pointed straight down towards his desk, face hidden behind long bangs.

“Oh. Right. I apologise, it must’ve been a trick of the light.” Kun gave a sincere apology. Though he was paranoid, exhausted, filled with dread, he wasn’t going to forego his manners.

“No worries, sir,” Renjun forgave him easily. He sounded like a regular teenager, Kun thought, although he wasn’t sure what else he expected. The student looked up at Kun, using his hand to flick his hair out of his face. Kun noted the mark on his hand, the dark birthmark. He began to feel dizzy; he knew that mark.

Out of nowhere, Kun felt that pain again - that white-hot, blinding bite in his jaw. It reached out its burning tendrils, spreading all throughout his face. Kun stepped back, staggering almost, as he cupped his jaw apprehensively. Kun was still looking at Renjun, who moved his stare, looking directly into Kun’s eyes.

Renjun’s eyes were black. No whites, no iris. Pure, solid black.

Though Kun didn't think it was possible, the pain intensified. Grey spots danced across the classroom as his vision went spotty, fizzling like static on a television. Kun swayed, reaching out to grab the edge of his desk for support but missing it entirely, catching thin air instead. Heavy as a stone, Kun fell to the ground, passing out.

The last thing he saw was Huang Renjun glaring at him, a malicious smile on his face.

Tuesday, 9:53am

Kun's eyes snapped open. The fluorescent lights above his head were harsh, and he winced, blinking. He was lying down; where was he?

"Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling, Mr Qian?" The school nurse, Joohyun. Right. He had passed out in class.

Kun sat up abruptly. Huang Renjun - that piercing gaze, the menacing grin.

Nurse Joohyun spoke to him again. "You passed out during first period. Do you remember that, Mr Qian?"

"Yes," Kun confirmed, rubbing his jaw and reminiscing of the pain prior to his fainting spell. It was now entirely painless. "Migraine," Kun materialised his excuse on the spot, "They've been bothering me lately."

"Ah," Joohyun nodded in sympathetic understanding, talking as she prepared Kun a cup of water and passed it to him. "Nasty things. You should go home and rest for the remainder of the day. Will you be able to drive yourself home?"

"Yes, thank you." Kun didn't realise how thirsty he was until the water passed his lips. He drank it gratefully.

Nurse Joohyun departed, leaving Kun in the quiet once again. He finished his water and left the school with haste. Once in his car, he allowed himself to fall apart a little, unseen. When he threw his head into his hands, he found that he was shaking, trembling. Was this it? Was he going insane?

No. Kun’s mind was sharp. He knew it was still intact. He always had been a logical man, and so he remained. He only believed in what he saw, what he knew to be the complete truth. And even now, when the very truths of reality had become so dark and twisted, he knew that what his mind believed was the absolute truth.

He kept his eyes trained directly on the road, focused straight ahead as he thought. He had to be rational here. In completely untenable circumstances, Kun had to remain tenable. In this utterly illogical situation, Kun had to think logically.

He laid the facts out in front of him: sixteen years ago, his brother was stabbed. He suffered from terrible grief. He went to therapy, grew up, the nightmares went away. He worked hard, got a good job, and moved on. Everything was okay. Right?

Then the nightmares returned. A new student arrived at his school, Huang Renjun. He started getting splitting pains in his jaw, right where that bastard punched him before murdering his brother. The student featured in his nightmares. He had the same birthmark as that killer. Kun made eye contact with Renjun and passed out. And the student had looked at him with that expression, that malicious smile. A look of pure evil.

And so, illigocial, irrational, implausible, untenable as it was, Kun knew it to be true. Sixteen years ago, Huang Renjun murdered Sicheng. And now, sixteen years later, Huang Renjun was a student in Kun’s class, not having aged a day.

Kun was home before he knew it. He went inside, but didn’t rest. He didn’t sleep, didn’t close his eyes for longer than a blink until the next morning.

Wednesday.

Kun felt unsafe in the school. He was angry; how dare this entity make him feel so uncomfortable in his own place of work? He felt the lingering darkness, even when he was surrounded by students and faculty. It smothered him like a blanket of smoke, impossibly heavy and making him choke.

Kun wasn’t teaching Huang Renjun’s class that day. Yet he was still terrified. Paranoia tinged his vision, altered his very perception of reality; every student that entered his classroom was Renjun, until he blinked and they weren’t. Every sudden movement was a punch flying towards his jaw, until he shook himself and there was no threat. He was completely on edge all day.

While Kun was exhausted, he was also overwhelmed with the energies of a thousand different emotions. He was terrified, paranoid, furious, devastated. He couldn’t believe that he was back here, replaying Sicheng’s death in his mind over and over. This piece of shit, this monster - he was here solely to fuck with Kun. And the worst part of it was that he was succeeding. Kun felt defiant. He couldn’t let this thing ruin him. Not for a second time.

Kun looked around. The sun was shining brightly, but he didn’t feel its warm rays. He stepped on a piece of bright pink bubblegum, flattened on the pavement, but his shoes didn’t stick. He looked up; thirteen-year-old Sicheng was looking back at him.

Oh, fuck. Not again.

Kun wished he could grab his younger brother by the arm and march him back home, stopping the imminent events before they even happened. But the picture was already in motion. Before Kun knew it, he and Sicheng were stood before the greaser gang.

“Diner’s ours today. Turn around,” barked the ringleader, Huang Renjun.

Wait, Huang Renjun?

Surely enough, the boy from Kun’s class was in front of him, in all his greaser glory - leather jacket donned, hair slicked back, snaggletooth displayed in a mean snarl. Slowly, the other greasers melted away, ceasing to exist in this dreamland. Even Sicheng evaporated. Only Kun and Renjun remained.

“What the fuck do you want with me?” Kun asked, his voice dripping with equal parts anger and desperation.

Renjun shrugged, smiling smugly. He looked as though he were playing his favourite game. “You’re fun to mess with, Kun.”

“Fuck off,” Kun bit back. “Haven’t you messed with me enough?”

Renjun laughed. And laughed, and laughed. The hideous melody went on for far too long, and Kun winced at the sound. “I’ve barely even begun messing with you, Kun! Wait and see, how depraved you’ll get. People do funny things when you push them far enough.”

Renjun stepped closer to Kun. Somehow, the child towered above him. “And I- Can’t- Wait-” each word was punctuated by a tap on Kun’s nose, “To see what you’ll do.”

Kun tried to slap his hand away, but missed. “You’re sick,” he spat, “You’re a monster.”

“Well, duh,” Renjun scoffed. “You’re just stating the obvious here, Kunny.”

“Get the fuck away from me,” Kun hissed, stumbling backwards. He turned, running down streets that were so familiar yet so distant to him.

“You can run,” Renjun’s voice followed him, “But you’ll never escape.”

Kun woke with a start, panting in his bed. His usual calming mantra of “It’s just a dream,” did nothing that night. Kun knew that it was far more than a petty nightmare. This was real - all too real.

Thursday, 11:12am

Kun had Renjun’s class again that day, and he was determined not to let the child hurt him. He had it figured out, or so he thought; don’t look the kid in the eyes, don’t speak to him, don’t even acknowledge his presence. And then Kun would be safe. This was all a game to Renjun, and Kun would not be playing. He simply would not engage.

The class began relatively smoothly. Though it was late morning, the sun hid behind thick clouds which produced a healthy drizzle, darkening the world and giving the background noise of rain against the classroom windows, pitter patter. Kun worked hard to ignore the heavy weight that hung over him, and the dark energy that Huang Renjun exuded from the back of the room. Nobody else seemed to pick up in it, but Kun sure as hell did. He could've collapsed under its pressure, it was so heavy. But he remained strong, resisting toughly against its darkness.

Kun gripped a paperback tightly in his hand. Macbeth. A text he knew well, and found easy to teach.

"So," Kun explained to his class, "As she desperately tries to rub away this invisible bloodstain, we see Lady Macbeth-"

"Sir." Kun was interrupted by Renjun. He ignored it.

"We see Lady-"

"SIR," Renjun interrupted again, raising his voice.

Kun looked around the classroom. Nobody else seemed perturbed by the boy's yelling, nobody so much as batted an eyelid. They all looked rather bored, staring off into space or doodling in their notebooks. Part of Kun wondered whether anyone else had actually heard what he did.

He gave a level sigh. "What is it?" he answered the boy. Kun refused to speak his name, refused to even look at him. He kept his eyes directed down towards the book in his hands, and he noticed his knuckles turn white with their grip.

"Why are you staring at me?" Renjun's tone was lazy, playful. He was toying with Kun. Driving him to his limit? Daring him to snap?

"I'm not staring at you," Kun responded, remaining calm. It wasn't easy; Renjun's darkness was overwhelming, pulsating in the air, making Kun's head throb. It brought out the worst in Kun. Oh, how badly he wanted to throw the boy across the room. But he wouldn't. He would stay calm.

"Yes, you are," Renjun argued, and Kun could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm not," Kun denied.

"You are," Renjun returned.

Kun dropped his book, which fell with a slap onto his desk. "I haven't glanced at you once this whole lesson," he snapped. Kun cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure - if one could consider this shaky state composed. "We see Lady Macbeth's descent into madness. Now, can anyone tell me-"

"Well that's strange."

"Can anyone tell me how-"

"Why are you avoiding me, Kun?"

"Huang, go to the principal's office."

As soon as Kun spoke that name, the deep, dark energy that had been smothering Kun for the past twenty minutes permeated his body, penetrating his very soul. He shuddered. It was dark; so very dark. It was as if by speaking his name, he had let the beast touch him. He had let him inside, he had been infected.

"Fine," Renjun said, standing up. His desk was empty, unlike the students that surrounded him. He had no notebook, no notes. No pencil case, no pens. With nothing to gather, he marched straight to the door.

Kun, in a moment of weakness, or perhaps just a moment of pure stupidity, glanced at the boy for a split second before he slammed the classroom door behind him. A split second was all it took.

Again, Renjun's eyes were fully black. He grinned at Kun, but it was very much unlike the menacing grimace he had displayed a few days prior. His teeth were bared, rows and rows of razor-sharp fangs, needle-like in nature. They were sheer white, polished and shining, piercing Kun's heart from ten feet away.

The door slammed, shutting him out, but that split second was long enough to instill fear in Kun's deepest core, absolute terror. The external darkness eased a little once he was gone, returning to a low hum of evil energy, but Kun was shaking as he resumed the lesson.

As expected, Renjun's behaviour had gone entirely unnoticed by the rest of the class. They didn't even seem disturbed by Kun's raised voice - he was extremely glad about this. He had a deep integral belief that it was wrong to yell at his students. He would have been kicking himself. But he knew Huang Renjun wasn't a student. It wasn't a teenage boy, it was something dark, dangerous. a powerful entity from god-knows-where.

Kun gave his students a task to complete at their leisure, and took a seat at his desk. He gripped the heavy oak, trying to still his shaking hands. Maybe he ought to go back to therapy, he considered. But where would he even start? With the death of his brother? With the return of his nightmares? With the entrance of Huang Renjun.

No, he dismissed the idea. No competent therapist would believe him - he would be sectioned and medicated after a single session. Plus, whatever was going on was solely between him and Renjun; it was completely unseen and unacknowledged by anybody else.

Kun sounded delirious, even to himself. Nothing in science or logic could possibly provide an explanation for what was happening. But he knew it was real. He knew. Huang Renjun was something cruel, something sick. Something that had crawled right out of hell, directly to Kun's doorstep to torture him. He would figure this out, he vowed. He would rid himself of this beast.

Thursday, 3:49pm

The end of the day - Kun had made it. He let himself relax in his desk chair, leaning back and closing his eyes. He had to admit, he was rather proud of himself. Yes, he’d had a minor run-in with the boy, but he’d managed to diffuse the situation and rid himself of the problem. And, more importantly, he hadn’t passed out this time. Kun scoffed at the hilarity of it all - what a ridiculously low standard for a good day, reaching 3pm without suffering a fainting spell. He would go home and treat himself, he decided, by cooking a comforting stir-fried beef dish.

Knock, knock, knock.

Kun sat forwards with a jolt, gripping his desk tightly for some form of stability. He hated living in this near-constant state of fight-or-flight - it could easily be a quiet freshman, coming to ask questions they were too shy to raise in class. It could have been a colleague, a parent, any number of harmless guests. Despite all of the possibilities, Kun’s mind went to the worst place. He was certain he knew who it was. God, don’t let it be him.

The door swung open in a dreadfully slow manner. Pale fingers wrapped themselves around the door, which gave way to reveal none other than Huang Renjun; just Kun’s luck.

“What do you want?” Kun asked the boy, hackles raised.

Renjun didn’t respond. He closed the door behind him, and the click sent shivers down Kun’s spine - what was he doing? Kun could only watch, frozen, as the boy moved. He grabbed a chair from behind a desk, and brought it to Kun’s desk. The shiny metal squealed as it was dragged across the floor, making Kun wince. Renjun sat on the chair backwards, facing Kun and leaning his arms on the backrest. He rested his head on his arms, looking up at his teacher. He was the picture of innocence; wide eyes, a small mischievous smile present on his lips. Kun only sat in silence, waiting for the boy to act. He was action-ready, prepared to bolt (or even fight) should Renjun do anything drastic.

Kun wasn’t sure how many minutes passed before Renjun spoke. Until that point, they had simply been staring at each other, Kun with a panicked look in his bloodshot eyes and Renjun clearly enjoying the effect he was having on the older male. “I’m sorry for upsetting you today,” Renjun said. Kun didn’t reply, only moving his hands to his thighs, digging his nails inwards to ground himself. “Why do you have it out for me?” Renjun spoke again.

To an outsider, the scene would have been simply heartwrenching. Renjun, a very obviously damaged adolescent who had been hurt by the world many times, looking his teacher in the eye and asking why, pleading almost, begging to be treated right for once in his young life. He sounded like a sad, broken young man; innocent, confused, curious.

Kun knew it was a ruse.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kun denied, his voice low and flat. He gathered some papers on his desk and shuffled them. He busied himself, so as not to get lost within Renjun’s dark energy again. If he were to pass out here, completely alone in the classroom, he had no idea what would become of him.

Renjun continued his sad little boy pretense, flashing dark puppy-dog eyes up at Kun. “I didn’t do anything to you,” he cooed. “I’m just a kid, right?”

Kun was certain that Renjun was playing games with him now. He knew that Kun knew. “You’re not just a kid,” Kun snapped, snarling at the boy in front of him. He threw the papers back down on his desk, rolling backwards in his chair to put distance between himself and the child. The sky opened up all of a sudden, rain pouring from the heavens.

“C’mon, don’t be mean,” Renjun drawled. “Play along, Kun. I’m just a kid… Right?”

“I’m going home,” Kun stated abruptly, standing up and preparing to remove himself from the situation. Renjun began to cackle, but Kun did everything he could to shut the boy out. He picked up his briefcase and slung his coat over his arm. A dash of thunder cracked through the sky, and Kun jumped.

“I left you a surprise there,” Renjun spoke, his voice playful.

Kun turned, running out of his classroom and sprinting down corridors. What the fuck had that bastard done to his house? He was barely even aware of the rain once he reached the school’s exit, though it drenched him in a matter of seconds. In the mad dash to his car, his hair fell flat with the rain, sticking to his forehead, and his shirt clung to his body, turning see-through. He rifled through his coat pockets, hunting for his car keys.

To the stray students that lingered after school hours, Kun probably looked deranged. But others’ perceptions of him were the least of his worries at that moment. He had no idea what Renjun was capable of - he had no idea what Renjun even was. A ghost? A demon? Something else? He truly didn’t know. He had to get home, and fast.

Kun was panting when he reached his house, worked up into a complete frenzy of anxiety and agitation. He swung into his driveway hastily, not wanting to lose any precious time perfecting his parking. Half on the driveway and half on his lawn, he stepped out of his car, staggering.

His front door had been completely torn off its hinges. Kun’s hands met his hair, tugging in helplessness. The door itself was laying haphazardly inside the doorway - if you could even call it a door any more. It was in two pieces, ripped apart. Shards of glass and wood were discarded all around. What the fuck had the monster done?

Kun dreaded to think what this looked like to his neighbours. The elderly couple to the left of him must have been terrified to see that beast rip through his house like a hurricane - how had the police not been called yet?

Kun gritted his teeth as he entered his house. He knew he had drawn the curtains that morning, but they had been pulled shut since. He squinted, eyes adjusting to the darkness as he fumbled for the light switch with shaky hands. He almost whimpered when the light flickered on. His armchair had been flipped, and his couch was torn, littered with slash marks, made by a knife or even a pair of claws. Kun looked around the room in horror - this was his home. He felt so attacked, so violated.

His eyes fell upon the mirror that hung above his fireplace, and he was forced to hold onto his ruined couch to save his buckling knees. Scrawled across it, in burning crimson, was his brother’s name, “SICHENG.”

Kun couldn’t breathe. He looked through the letters to his reflection. He looked every bit as distraught as he felt. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which he supposed he hadn’t, not properly. He looked like a man whose life was falling apart.

His home wasn't a safe place for him any more. Physically nor emotionally. Kun darted around his house, grabbing an old duffle bag and filling it with essentials - a change of clothes, his toothbrush, phone charger. He supposed he didn't need his keys, not when any old stranger could wander inside from the streets. After a moment of deliberation, he threw in his largest kitchen knife too.

Fifteen minutes later, Kun pulled up at a dying establishment, parking his car a little more neatly this time. Elliot Motel read the faded sign, desperately in need of a paint job. The place was deserted - Kun wouldn’t have been surprised to see a tumbleweed rolling past. But it was remote, and it was a place away from his home where he could lay low and hide out until he figured out what to do.

The bored receptionist hadn’t spared Kun a second glance, for which he was grateful. Once in his allocated room, he double-locked the door and pulled the curtains tightly shut. He didn’t even dare turn on the light, for fear of the yellow glow being visible through the curtains. Although it would come as a shock to him if the place even had working electrics. The dark was better; it gave him a sense of anonymity, and it kept the cockroaches hidden from his view.

Kun perched on the end of the bed, resting his head in his hands. He could hear his heart hammering, the pulsating sound rattled around his head and he could feel it. He couldn’t think straight - his only emotion was blind panic. He leapt up from the bed, too much energy to stay seated. He paced back and forth in the dark, almost tearing out his hair in terror.

Hours passed but Kun couldn’t settle. His brain was going a mile a minute, darting from one place to the next. He was frazzled, and he had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do. He was angry, enraged that this demon would fuck up his life and his home like this. He was terrified, and he felt as though he may be ambushed or attacked any minute. He couldn’t think straight. And exactly as the clock struck midnight, the phone in his dingy motel room began to ring.

Kun yelped, the harsh trilling ring boring into his soul and making him jump. He scrambled to the old rotary phone, tightly gripping the handle and pulling it close to his ear. He heard nothing at the other end, other than very faint static.

“Hello?” Kun spoke. His own voice shocked him - he sounded so unstable, like a scared little boy. The same scared little boy who would wake up from nightmares of losing his brother all those years ago.

A rattling noise came out of the receiver. After a few seconds, Kun realised it was the sound of somebody breathing. Even yet ragged breaths, loud and crackly through the ancient telephone. Kun knew exactly who it was.

“I know it’s you, bastard,” he hissed into the phone. He was met with more silence. Kun was furious. This monster was ruining him - look at what he’d turned him into. A grown man, a man who was esteemed and well-respected. Crouched on the floor of a dingy motel, clutching a telephone, his once neat shirt and trousers now rumpled and sticky with sweat. This couldn’t go on any longer, Kun decided.

“Meet me at the school. 3am. We’re ending this.”

Thursday, 2:34am.

Kun was ready. It hadn't been easy - he'd been through hell and back - but he was prepared. He knew what had to be done, and he was willing to do it.

In the hours since the dreadful phone call which had riled him up immensely, Kun had darted all over town.

To the library, where he had left a broken window in his wake (and he could only hope that his makeshift mask would be enough to save him from breaking and entering charges). He had encountered a dusty section he had never noticed before, which was strange in itself. Being a teacher of literature, the library was a place he frequented, though this section he had never happened upon. He was convinced it only bore itself to those in need, but that fact was neither here nor there. He had rifled through the section, leaving pages torn and books scattered, something he never would have done in his normal life. But he did the research he needed to do, and got the exact knowledge he required.

He had driven back to his house, which no longer felt like a home, to pick up one of the few precious belongings of Sicheng's he had left - necessary for the sacrifice. He had paroled the streets, searching for a stray animal. He never would've harmed an animal but the blood of an innocent creature was needed. He pulled though, apologising deeply to the stray dog which yelped and bit at him.

And there he stood, in the middle of his classroom, clutching his duffle bag which was filled with the most mismatched assortment of offerings. Raising Demons, the book which had proven most informative, Sicheng's red woollen scarf, a vial full of dog's blood, the butcher knife from his kitchen. He looked like a hot mess and he knew it; his shirt was untucked, most of the buttons now undone, and he had lost his tie long ago. He was panting, and he couldn't seem to find his breath no matter how long he stood still.

He looked around his classroom. It was empty, but soon that would change - and that wasn't a comforting thought by far. God, he was wasting time, he thought as he stood there dumbly. But where the fuck did he start?

He ran to action, shoving away the desks that surrounded him, creating a clearing in the centre of the room. He threw open the cupboard at the back of the room and pulled out the old stereo that lay dormant in there. He messed with the dials, twiddling them back and forth until static blared out. He flinched at the sound, but it was no louder than the blaring panic that had been reverberating around his skull lately.

Not wanting to waste another minute, Kun sprinted to the front of the room, grabbing a marker pen and setting to work on the floor. As meticulously as he could with his shaking hands, Kun drew a pentagram, tainting the floor of his beloved classroom. He yanked open his duffle bag, trembling as he placed the items around the pentagram. He picked up the stolen novel, Raising Demons, and jumped to the page he had dog-eared.

Well, Kun thought to himself, No time like the present.

He recited the passage, focusing heavily - he couldn’t get a single word wrong. “Dark Father, hear me for my soul’s sake. I am one who promises sacrifice. I am one who seeks vengeance of the left hand. I bring blood in promise of sacrifice.”

A wind picked up in the classroom, dark clouds materialising and flying around the pentagram in a tight circle, a tornado of evil.

Kun had thought he’d witnessed true darkness in the presence of Huang Renjun; he thought he had seen what evil really was. He had been wrong. True darkness, true overwhelming power, true and pure evil, was what he had summoned before him. Renjun was nothing in comparison to this beast. Kun felt sick.

A voice spoke to him, hissing and spitting, from deep within the clouds. It was deep, grating, abnormal. “What do you ask of me?”

Kun looked down towards the ground. He didn’t want to peer too deeply into this void that had materialised - he knew that anything he saw would scar him deeply. Its energy was horrific enough. This wasn’t a sight he wanted to see. He spoke as clearly as he could, raising his voice to the demon. “Rid me of the spirit that plagues me.”

“Then give me what is mine,” the voice rumbled back.

Kun nodded, trembling. He kneeled on the floor, picked up the butcher’s knife. He placed his hand on the floor, all fingers curled under his fist apart from his pinky finger. He closed his eyes, whimpering as he braced himself. Kun raised the knife and brought it down fast. He yelped; the pain was immense, but he knew he hadn’t yet severed the bone. He took a second hit. A third. A fourth. Again, and again. As Kun screamed, the appendage finally detached.

He reopened his eyes, recognising the blood splattered across the floor as his own. He used the knife to nudge the detached appendage into the pentagram, his nausea intensifying. Blood was spurting from his hand at an alarming rate, and he clutched it close to his chest.

The voice spoke again. “It will be done.”

Kun looked to the clock in his classroom, just as it turned 3. Renjun appeared in the doorway with that now-familiar evil smile on his face. Kun’s vision was spotty, but he could still see Renjun’s grin fall instantly. He couldn’t read the expression on the thing’s face. It could have been rage. It could even have been fear.

“No,” Renjun roared. “What have you done?”

The tornado picked up, and Kun flew flat on his back with the intensity of the wind. A pinprick of light spawned in its centre and Kun had to shield his eyes from it, hiding in the crook of his elbow while his other hand was still clamped close to his chest.

“No! No! Fuck you, Qian Kun!” Huang Renjun shrieked, until… silence. Everything was still. Kun sat up, dizziness wracking his senses. For the first time since the whole ordeal began, he felt something similar to calm. The room was quiet, still, and empty, save for himself. The demon he had summoned was gone. Huang Renjun was gone. The quiet disoriented him; he felt like it had been a while since he truly experienced quiet.

Kun picked up his knife once again and cut along the bottom of his shirt, wrapping the material tightly around his stub of a finger in an attempt to slow the bleeding. He felt faint - he knew he’d lost a substantial amount of blood. He stood, staggering out of his bombsite of a classroom and stumbling into the hallway. He bent, heaving onto the floor, bile burning his throat and mouth. He probably needed to get to a hospital, but how would he explain himself?

Kun felt a pat on his back - a warm, comforting gesture. Wiping saliva from his mouth and chin, he looked up, and found himself staring into a pair of friendly brown eyes, surrounded by aged wrinkles. Something inside Kun simply knew that he was a kind figure, a peaceful figure.

“It’s gone now, son,” the old man spoke, his voice croaky. Kun merely stared at him, wide-eyed, as he talked. “I’ve had students like that one before. They feed on your energy, eat away at you. Look into your past to find the best way to torture you. But it’s gone now. It’s gone.”

Kun stood up straight, or as straight as he could manage in his current condition. He didn’t recognise the teacher standing before him. “Who are you?” he panted, squinting at the other man.

“Don’t worry about me, son, I’m long gone” the man responded with a wry smile. “I taught here long, long ago. Just listen to me - my God, son, if you take notice of one thing in your life, let it be this -” the man leaned in close to whisper in Kun’s ear. Kun closed his eyes, listening as closely as he could despite his faltering consciousness. “When you involve yourself with something like this, sometimes they come back.”

When Kun opened his eyes again, the man was gone.

Kun wobbled outside, breathing in the night air as if he’d been deprived of oxygen for weeks. It was over, the weight on his chest was gone. He could breathe. He could live. All he could do now was pick up the pieces. But the old man’s words echoed in his mind,

Sometimes they come back.

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liam-93-productions · 5 years

Link

Nearly five years ago, I saw One Direction live. Twice, on consecutive nights – on the first two dates of their On the Road Again world tour. Once was for work, to review the show. The other was for the sheer, heady, sugar-rush pleasure.

I was, I’ll admit, a little on the old side for a Directioner, even then. Most of the 45,000-odd crowd was much younger – not that that you would necessarily be able to tell from the saucy suggestions on their homemade signs. “I don’t want to draw attention to them,” Liam Payne had said fussilyon stage.

It was an on-brand comment for the then-21-year-old Payne, who, had the harried, slightly anxious energy of a father-of-four at Disneyland. And no wonder: it was clear, even to me, that Zayn Malik had checked out, barely bothering to conceal his rolling eyes. He would be gone within the month, marking the beginning of the end (or “indefinite hiatus”) for the biggest boy band in the world.

“It was a point where every day, you didn’t know whether it was going to be the end,” says Payne, sitting in the offices of his PR company in central London. “It was so touch and go, at every single show. I was slowly losing the plot.”

Now 26 and almost totally tattooed, Payne has a new album on which he raps about getting rowdy on Bacardi and being “free” from 1D. At the same time his very-nearly-naked form is plastered on buses and train stations in a provocative ad campaign for Hugo Boss.

Yet Payne is as polite and agreeable as if he were talking to his best friend’s mother. He is tired he says after an energetic early morning music video shoot. “There was a trampoline involved,” he says, sucking on his silver Juul. “It was hell – but it will look great.”

Gym beast and sex symbol are relatively new tags. His role as the diplomat of the group was established from the time they were first assembled from five solo applicants on The X Factor in 2010.

Payne auditioned when he was just 14, but was told by Simon Cowell to “come back in two years”. He did – and, eyes serious beneath his enormous fringe, blew the judges away with a brassy rendition of Cry Me a River.

Growing up in Wolverhampton, he had been a talented cross-country runner – making the reserve list for the British Olympics team. But a fan of Usher, Justin Timberlake and Chris Brown, he was drawn to singing as “the thing that made my parents proudest”. His backup plan, had he not got through on X Factor, was to follow his father into an aircraft fitting factory.

Once grouped in One Direction it took the five boys, then between 16 and 19, to pull together. “At the start we couldn’t get past our own egos,” says Payne. There would be fights over who got to sing what part, and even personal style. “Everybody had their own little thing – it was like having four older brothers.”

Payne went on to write songs for the group, contributing to two-thirds of their 2014 album Four (arguably their best) and even earning a production credit on 2015’s Made in the AM. But in the early days he would be the one to sing the opening part because, he was told at the time, he “used to settle everybody”.

Payne says he was a more experienced performer than the other boys, and a “bit more mature” – which he puts down to spending more time with his dad than his peers, and being so focused on a career in showbusiness. “I’d lived a different lifestyle from 14 to 16. Most kids try alcohol and experiment – I never did any of that because I thought there’s a chance that I might make it.”

Management took advantage of this, he says, telling him his “very specific role” in the group was to keep the rest in line. “I was like, that’s great, innit – because then everyone in the band thinks I’m a dick.” He remembers one of the band’s first hotel stays. “We’ve got plates being thrown out the window, mattresses being ridden down the stairs, and I’m getting calls from the manager saying: ‘You need to sort it out’.”

It wasn’t lost on the fans. Where Malik and Styles were the heartthrobs, Payne says he was classed as Mr Boring. “When you’re at the stadium, and if you get the least screams, it’s like: ‘For fuck’s sake.’”

After a year playing 1D-Dad he gave up and learned to have fun. “If you can’t beat them, join them” – at which point, he notes wryly, the band’s public image became more cheeky and carefree. “And the more fun we had, the more successful it got.”

He recalls performing to sold-out stadiums night after night, seeing “hundreds” of iPhones being thrown onstage in the vain hopes of their being returned with a selfie. “It’s like the kids just lost their minds.”

“There were parts of it that were a bit shit, like there is with anything,” he says, “and there were parts of it that was just euphoria.”

He recalls seeing 15,000 fans camped outside his hotel room in Lima, Peru. Security had advised them to stay inside all day, and because “they were the adults, we thought they were in charge. Then over time we started to figure out that they weren’t, and that’s when we used to run off.”

Yet the adrenaline peaks of performing, followed by long troughs of tedium, were akin to a drug addiction, says Payne. He turned to alcohol. “Doing a show to however many thousands of people, then being stuck by yourself in a country where you can’t go out anywhere – what else are you going to do? The minibar is always there. ”

For a time, he was also taking an epilepsy drug as a mood stabiliser that he says affected his cognitive functioning under certain lights. Payne says he had been well advised to take it, to counter the “erratic highs and lows” he was experiencing – “I just needed a little bit of help to keep me stable” – “but under certain lights on stage or during interviews, I wouldn’t be able to tell them my name”.

The day we meet, Payne has made headlines for telling Ant Middleton on the pair’s Sky One show that the loneliness of fame had “almost nearly killed” him. When Middleton asked Payne if he had ever wanted to act on those feelings, Payne said that he had: “100%”.

He is not inclined to discuss this today, “because it’s a bit dark,” he says, a touch brusquely – “but yeah, it was very touch and go at times”. This was both in 1D and afterwards, he clarifies. As One Direction got bigger and bigger, he says, “I was like: ‘I don’t really know how to deal with this’. Once you start, you can’t really press the stop button.”

The “indefinite hiatus” button, though, was easier – in mid-2015, four months after Malik’s departure, the band made the decision together. “It was a little bit dark and twisted towards the end of it,” says Payne, “but the last few shows were really beautiful moments because the pressure cooker had been let off.

“It was almost like counting down to holiday – we were going to wake up that Monday morning with no schedule.” Afterwards Payne was in therapy for two years, and took six months off. “It was difficult at the start, because I didn’t really know anything about myself. It was a bit of a numb feeling.”

(...)

That schedule is about to get busier, with Payne’s debut album as a solo artist finally out this Friday. Laden with chart-friendly trop house, trap and Latin pop influences, LP 1 plays like a water cannon aimed at commercial radio – there is even a Christmas song.

It has been a long lead-up: the first single, Strip That Down, was released nearly two years ago and established Payne as the 1D member most influenced by contemporary hip-hop – perhaps too much so. A picture he posted to Instagram of himself in February 2018 wearing a chain necklace, flipping the bird and bragging about travelling by private jet was quietly deleted following ridicule.

Amid the success of Strip That Down, which was streamed over 1bn times, Payne was also still “struggling” with alcohol: “I just hid it very well.” He went on to spend an entire year sober – a necessary if boring step. “My social life completely plummeted. I always feel like you never get past the awkward first 10 minutes at a party, when everyone’s like: ‘Do we get up and dance, or do we just sit here?’ I don’t know whether it made me happier, but it was definitely needed.”

His more recent stint of self-discipline was to prepare for his nude photo shoot with model Stella Maxwell for Hugo Boss. In the lead-up, he was in the gym between “five and eight times a week, sometimes twice a day” and eating mostly chicken and vegetables – with no carbohydrates after 2pm and nothing at all after 8pm. For the last “stripping” phase, he ate nothing but porridge and white fish for a month. “It was horrible – but it definitely works.”

The shoot had been his idea, inspired by campaigns featuring David Beckham and Mark Wahlberg – Payne’s role models, whose cross-disciplinary celebrity shapes his own career goals. Last year he auditioned in front of Steven Spielberg for a part in next year’s West Side Story remake, and has been submitting audition tapes irregularly since. “It’s just trying to manage the time in between (...), singer, model and whatever.”

Between the trap beats, tighty-whities and tattoos is he attempting to put across a new, more grown-up image? “Oh yeah, definitely.”

In One Direction, he was “Mr Vanilla – no one wanted to know a thing”. Then, with the “chain and rapper phase … I didn’t really know what I was aiming for, but it was actually exactly where we are right now. I just needed to find the right keys to make me feel like the man I wanted to be.”

Which is, he jokes, is “like a really English Magic Mike”. Do you like being objectified, I ask? “I think it’s quite funny,” says Payne, clearly delighted. The other day, he says, someone sent him a picture of an old lady walking past an enormous blown-up poster of him in his pants. Not bad for Mr Vanilla, I say. “Exactly.”

Liam Payne’s debut album LP1 is out on Friday 6 December

#liam payne #the guardian #one direction #lp1 #liam's interviews #02.12.2019

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fethrybestduck · 4 years

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DT Critical #1

(If this annoys you you can hide the tag DT Critical)

So, we've got the first two episodes of DT season 3, after 200+ days os hiatus. Lemme talk about them.

The woodchuck episode had both Violet and Huey at their best. Huey is still my favorite duckling, and I love his nervous, neurotic personality. This kid is gonna go ape shit sooner or later and it's gonna be glorious. Also, Lena trying to encourage Violet to tease Huey? Chefs kiss!

Now, the not so good, the sideplot; again Donald is the butt monkey. Why? It isn't funny, amusing, interesting... Enough with the comic relief mistreatment bullshit.

The Scrooge flashback was cute (Could've shown his sisters though) but for me it was obvious the bird was connected to the map and the treasure the moment he went on screen and Scrooge sounded dumb to not notice that soon - but I guess the plot needed conflict. Eh.

Della tyied Donald down... WTF, let him complain, mosquitoes on a jungle fucking sucks... (Nope, he tangled himself she was trying to help. My bad, thanks for people in the comments.)

At the end of the episode, we saw Violet's Dads who were the blandest without personality gay dudes I've eves seen, but yey for Didney I guess?

I kinda wanted to see Donald supporting Huey too; I know he has 3 parental figures (Della, Scrooge and Donald) but heck, Donald is still supossed to be the closest one... But no, he is just a dumb comic relief.

After that we had Quack Pack, a Donald focused episode, that was actually good and made me smile. It had no one, but two guest starts... And again, Huey shines: he is the one that notices everything is off.

I personally don't think much of Gene, but I know he has a heartbreaking background and a cool personality in the movie... I felt that, here, he is bland. He is a showman - yes - but he isn't really a character, just a plot element. Genies usually are bond to a lamp and are slaves, which, you know, it's no good: but since he has no personality it's okay to leave this POC duck as a servant I guess since he didn't look unhappy with his status. Also... I think everybody thought Gene and Djinn would interact in some way! It's a shame Gene is probably a one-episode character we'll never see again.

For once, the duck family being only background noise made sense to the plot! But, again, too many characters to deal with once makes for a hella convoluted episode.

Now we finally get to the good part, to the main dish, to the delight: Goofy. He was in character, he was likeable, everything he did was absolutely perfect. God, makes me wish for him to become a recurrent character! But, sadly, it's probably a one time cameo...

I understand and relate to Donald in this episode, he just wants his family to be safe and happy. I don't understand the show trying to prove again and again he is wrong, and also to me, it doesn't make sense why Louie isn't usually on Donald's side.

The other characters keep being shitty to Donald, Idk why and it's beyond me how and why should I be on their sides since Della and (especially) Scrooge are almost always depicted as the voice of reason. (And yeah, it seems Della is now completely integrated with being the boys mom now and the moon thing is merely a joke - but eh that was expected) Should I like how they basically bully Donald? And why!?

So, back to Goofy. Goofy being the adorable empathetic and good-natured dude he is sits down with Donald and puts some sense on his head. He calms him down, the scene where he shows Max's photos is so sweet I puked rainbows... So Donald starts thinking rationally again and the plot gets solved.

I ask you... Why can't people be sweet and nice to Donald? Why can't they respect his PTSD and the fact he is doing therapy to prevent his anger issues and trying his best?

WHY DO WE NEED GOOFY TO BE THE ONLY ACTUAL DECENT HUMAN BEING TO DONALD WHILE HIS FAMILY IS TOO BUSY BULLYING HIM AND KICKING HIM AROUND!?

I'm honest to God hoping Donald turn into a fucking Godzilla at the end of the series because nobody supports him on this house and things should have consequences

#DT Critical #Ducktales #Donald Duck

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fmdsangmoon-blog · 6 years

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hey guys, it is i, maria, bringing you my third child bae sangmoon, leader and main rapper of alien. under the cut i’ll have all the info you need to know about him. you can feel free to read his bio but... it’s quite lengthy? so maybe a wrap up is more comfortable for everybody! his profile is here and some plots for him here. if you wanna do anything with my child, give this post a like and i’ll hit u up <3

his mother was a single mom for a long time because she got pregnant of a hook up and she basically had to take care of sangmoon and herself working as a seamstress for a theatre company

she did it really well because women are AmazingTM

the company members would often help her out by looking after him while she was working and sangmoon would follow her to the theatre all the time, so he was raised around actors and whatnot

growing up around theatre made him love it a lot? like a lot a lot? he'd watch all these plays and musicals with his mom since he was a toddler and he'd just be mesmerized by everything and he wanted nothing more than to be on stage

bUT a big problem was that he had a speech problem

he stuttered a lot, it started around when he was 3 years old and his mother kinda just expected it to go away like it does with most people, but it never did? like boy was out here age 9 already an older child and he couldn't form a single sentence without stuttering

and it frustrated him a lot because as much as it didn't stop him from acting necessarily, the first time he tried to take an acting class he kinda saw the way the teacher looked at him and was like "oh no he can't do this" and he basically decided to quit doing it because of this one teacher when he was 8 who made him feel like he could never do it

he only started on speech therapy after his mother got married to the man who became his step father bc then they could afford to do so, and then he was a pre-teen

but his passion for acting had kinda fizzled by then

his step father introduced him to hip hop/rap with western rappers but also korean ones

as much as he loved both, he didn't understand english, so he found himself trying to match the way the korean rappers spoke over a beat, which was extremely helpful for him to get rid of part of his stuttering

his speech therapist even included it in his treatment

when he was 14 he sought out underground rap. first he just sneaked into clubs and then he started wanting to rap on stage and whatnot

the first time he tried was a couple years later and it was a disaster bc the stuttering came in full force. still he didn't quit and the second time around he was a lot less nervous and he managed to pull through, and he became good enough with practice and patience that he started gathering some following

his step father got him to audition for a company but he didn't do well for that one, so he went to dimensions and managed to pass that audition

got picked as a leader bc overall he's level headed when dealing with older ppl (not so much with ppl his age) and he seemed like the most reasonable even tho he definitely didn't want to be the leader at first since he wasn't used to having friends much less ~leading a group of boys

first couple of years after debut were difficult but fine, but when they started realizing that they weren't getting paid for their work he was ofc very pissed? bc he had to help out his parents who had two young kids to look after? he was the one to push alien into going for the lawsuit

it was very stressful for him since he was the leader and had to deal directly with the company alongside their lawyer and his step-father. it was tiring and took its toll on him and through the period of the lawsuit sangmoon developed bad anxiety.

the change was obvious when they came back bc he retreated a lot into himself

his stuttering came back strong and he had to lip sync more often than not bc he simply couldn't get through most performances

then in january 2016 pictures of him and his girlfriend, an actress, of two years were leaked and it was more stress for the boy. they broke up not long after that since their relationship already wasn't good

but everything piled up and made him feel constrained and his anxiety peaked and in one of their sessions his therapist told him he had to take a break. it was difficult to get dimensions to agree, but ultimately they managed and sangmoon didn't promote with alien for fighter or skydive, even if he recorded the songs and the music videos

when he came back in 2017 he was visibly better, more relaxed and less taken by his anxiety. it's still very much present in his life, but in a way that he can control with medicine most of the time.

he tends to be an easy going guy, but he's v stubborn and set on his ways which makes it good when he's a leader but not so good when he's a group member.

very methodical, very obsessive with shit, but those are consequences of his stuttering

doesn't speak much when in varieties, even if he does jump in to joke around with the boys sometimes

OKAY THAT'S IT SORRY THIS IS STILL BIG BUT I PROMISE THE BIO IS BIGGER

#* ☾—— ooc.#fmdintro

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rainbow-squirrels-7 · 5 years

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!!ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!! Since I did it last year with Infinity War and now that I’ve seen Endgame twice here are my ramblings:

But before we begin apparently I accidentally predicted Endgame’s title during my IW ramblings and then completely forgot about it...

-so like that friggin beginning tho poor Clint like the entire movie. Agreeing with a favorite YouTube movie reviewer of mine, this was really Clint’s shining movie despite his uh- downward turn for a bit there -but on the bright side I’m glad his older kids’ names are canon now; like legit I thought those (Cooper and Lila) were made up by the fanfictioneers. Maybe they were and the writers were like ‘huh okay less work for us- yoink’ -then Nebula and Stark playing table football that was adorable. The shiny paper reminded me of that one Chris Hemsworth gif you know the one of him making a face at his reflection? -and heck yes Carol coming in hot to save the day what a legend -woohoo go get Thanos time -and he’s just in a frickin farm in a T-shirt (a T-SHIRT?!?) collecting some fruits and starting a new YouTube cooking channel -“what’s up half of the universe today we’re making weird bumpy fruit stew” -but heck yeah Thor cut off that guy’s head -and then just like whoa five years later. I usually can’t stand time jumps but it’s alright. It really gives a perspective of ‘yeah the world isn’t better with half its population. Everyone’s so sad’ -good job of Steve starting a therapy group tho even if he doesn’t take his own advice -I can’t believe a rat saved Scott talk about lucky -unless that rat was actually Loki -just sayin -and the bike kid: “wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy” -I forget how old Cassie was in Antman and the Wasp but +5 years to that I guess. She looks a bit too old to me but what do I know. I’m very glad she didn’t disappear though cuz I love Scott very much and I don’t want him to go through that -tbh Scott saved everyone cuz he had the time travel idea in the first place. I love an optimistic boy -UHBUHH I HAVENT TALKED ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT YET UM HECK YEAH -it’s very good I’m very gay -anyway -I liked Nebula’s prominence in this movie she’s growing on me but of course it doesn’t take a lot on account of me loving robots (cyborgs?) so much -getting the band back together! -baby Morgan Stark/Potts was Very Good -ohmygod Thor -so chub -I was annoyed being without beefy Thor the first time, but rewatching it though I thought his Look was maybe not only reflecting his depression (cuz yeah) but maybe mythological Thor? Like I’m just throwing spaghetti at the wall but maybe in actual Norse myth Thor was (well, actually a redhead) that chub/beef combo but he did have the fluffier beard that MCU Thor had this time. Idk, like I said- spaghetti -Valkyrie’s back! Love her -they call her that though? Isn’t that what she is- like her job? Does she not have a name? Could have sworn it was Brunhilda or something -and Korg and the sharp bug guy are back too! Love them -friggin playing Fortnite -jokes aside though I do love that deep look into Thor’s guilt throughout the whole movie. Like he thought killing Thanos would just make everything better but it didn’t and just couldn’t deal and would rather drink to forget -Clint’s guilt was also interesting, like showing that ‘oh god he could really go there, he could get this bad given the circumstance’ -just Blade Runner-ing all around Tokyo -I haven’t seen Blade Runner but it has neon lights and rain right? -but yeah I do like the “the Snap took away good people and bad people but like it could have just took bad people and since it didn’t I’ll have to instead” -sad boy -he was very uh ‘Magnus rushes in’ if you will, during this movie. Not caring for a lot of it if he lived or died cuz he’d lost so much -god he was good in this movie -anyway -I also called the time travel:

-it still doesn’t completely make sense to me though? Like time travel is confusing enough but adding in a multiverse just makes it even more so -I loved the revisiting the old movies! -low key wanted an Age of Ultron revisit so we could have OMG we could have seen Pietro again -still on the #bringbackpietromaximoff train guys -but anyway we could have seen some good Wanda scenes and also my boy Vision again -but it did make more sense to get the three in NY at the same time -it was real cool to see the bald wizard lady (Minerva from TAZ Amnesty) defending the wizard building during 2012 Avengers- like that is so believable and now we can watch 2012 Avengers and be like “oh hey the wizards were there” -“that is America’s a**” I love how much Scott hero-worships Steve like we saw that in Civil War and yes it’s so funny and I love it its great -Steve vs Steve fight?? Great -“I can do this all day.” “Yeah yeah I know.” -And again, we can totally watch 2012 Avengers again and be like ‘yes meeting with Secretary Pierce and the other Shield guys- this is totally believable, it’s exactly what would have happened we just didn’t see it.’ -the elevator scene! I thought for sure Steve was gonna do the “now before we begin does anyone want to get out” but the “hail hydra” was just as good -“they’re hydra but we don’t know that yet” “they Look like bad guys!!” -and I guess Loki using the Tesseract to escape during that scene is setup for a... tv show? He’s gonna be wreaking havoc through time and space I guess?? Glad he’s back though -anyway revisiting more movies -friggin Guardians 1 -Quill singing Come and Get Your Love really badly cuz all we heard was the actual song and OhmyGOD that was hilarious -I’m glad Rhodey and Nebula got on a team cuz they can be prosthetic buddies -but did Nebula just not tell Clint and Nat that one of them would have to die for the Soul Stone? Or did they know and just not wanna talk about it till it came up? -TBH I though the ‘lose someone you love for the stone’ requirement would have been filled by both Clint and Nat already cuz Clint could have been like “um my dude do you even know how much I’ve lost already??” -apparently not though -Nat’s hair was great for the time travel parts I liked the red fade to white -though it was a sad and intense moment with Clint and Nat deciding who of them had to die it was also sweet cuz you can see how much they care for each other -and I was- well not glad but I really wanted Clint to see his family again -not that The Avengers weren’t his family -that friggin line “did she have family?” “Yeah. Us.” GOD -and then there’s that whole rigamarole with double Nebulas and oh Gamora’s back too -again time travel/the whole multiverse thing apparently doesn’t make sense to me so I’m just gonna gloss over it as much as I can until I can get more into it later -anyway the other time travel to the 1950s! -cool callback to Winter Soldier like you could see Zola going into the bunker -like So many people were there at the Camp Lehigh (idk if that’s how it’s spelled) like Everybody was there -good good moments with Tony and his dad -I thought it would have been cool for Tony to have given his dad the inspiration for his own name but oh well. Maybe that wouldn’t have even worked with time travel and all -Steve’s prank call to Hank Pym that was funny “um the box is glowing” -but oh geez the scene where Steve finds Peggy oh god when he goes in the room with her name on the door my roommate and I were watching it together the first time I saw it and both of us went “ohhhhhhh oh nooooooo” -cuz like that’s the first time he’s seen her since he went in the ice! Or at least seen her how he remembers and not old in Civil War hhhhhhhh GOD -I think seeing her there was a factor in his decision later but I’ll get to that later this is a long heck movie -oh and the OG human Jarvis showed up! I like him, I only saw season 1 of Peggy’s show but I remember liking him a lot -but yeah back to the present unless- well I’m sure I missed something -OH FRICK THOR’S BIT -I can’t Believe they went back to The Dark World -tbh I actually like The Dark World I think it’s a good movie but it’s not universally liked -callback to the scene with Loki tossing the cup in the air ahaha that one was always good -so if they had Rocket’s pokey device during that movie the whole plot of that movie could have been avoided? -anyway um Frigga?? What a queen. Literally -I loved “I was raised by witches I can see with more than my eyes” -she’s really what Thor needed there but god the “she dies today” poor boy -she’s so good though -I loved that ‘measure of a hero is being who you are not who you’re supposed to be’ Yes -and the “I’m still worthy!!!!” Thor needed a win -“eat a salad!” -Now back to the present -Stark-Tech can apparently channel Infinity Stones? And doesn’t need a special heart of a dying star and giant dwarfs to forge a special gauntlet um okay -“what do I have flowing through my veins right now?” “Cheese whiz?” -Bruce is so good though so strong I loved the “I was made for this” -so sweet when Laura called Clint! Yes! Everyone’s really back! -and double Nebula just Had to ruin everything tho -before I get into the final battle- I wonder how much of the time travel scenes were reused from old footage and how much was reshoots with the same actors/costumes/sets? -anyway -um rude blowing up the compound -and god the water scenes were so stressful the first time. Water/specifically-about-to-drown scenes always freak me out. Also trapped under ice and squished under something scenes -Clint finding the gauntlet and getting away from Thanos’ cronies! Every time anyone was running with the gauntlet all I could think of was that one goof from TAZ Balance in Petals to the Metal- Taako’s “Grab the Gauntlet and don’t look back” friggin

-also when Steve, Thor, and Tony all go to confront Thanos who is waiting for them, there’s a specific song playing in the background: https://youtu.be/H_9mnO_NOjk?t=120 (it starts at around 2:00) and you’ll hear this series of deep bell sounds? For the life of me- that specific sound sounds SO FAMILIAR and I can’t friggin place it. I can’t decide if it just reminds me of the Wind Dance song that plays in TAZ Balance whenever the Hunger shows up (which is fitting tbh)? Or if it sounds like some boss battle music that I can’t place? Maybe from Pokémon or Mystery Dungeon? I just can’t remember. It sounds real cool tho -but uh yeah UM -STEVE!! WORTHY!!!! -I mean we all be knowing but! -such a cool scene. I started clapping the first time I watched and others in the theatre joined in -not as cool as when Vision lifted the hammer but I’m biased -but things look dark at this point and I can’t remember if it’s at this part or one one next but there’s this real cool wide shot, this real nice tableau of Steve on a hill or something and this light behind him as he faces Thanos’ army and yeah it just looks real good. Like a good computer background I’d like to have or a poster -but yeah then! -“ON YOUR LEFT!” -Yay!!! Portals open and ‘oh yeah! Everyone’s back now! We have friends to help us fight!’ -gave me some good TAZ Balance episode 68 vibes. Could have called for a cool Lup-esque speech tho from Steve since he’s so good at that- “You see this? This is scary. But we can do this.” -EXCEPT -now we reach the part of my rambling where it turns into somewhat of a rant -because I’M annoyed but only for a specific reason that won’t affect the average moviegoer since Apparently not everyone’s a fan... -cuz Literally the only person who doesn’t show up -is my boy Vision -I mean Yes -I Know he was one of the people who died before Thanos snapped -but my hopes were Way Way Up that he’d come back somehow -and UHHH APPARENTLY I WILL JUST HAVE TO BE DISAPPOINTED -everyone Else came back??? Why not my boy?? -he wasn’t even mentioned despite being So Important in IW -except vaguely when Wanda pulled a real Taako in Balance episode 67 “You f**king took everything from me!!!” -she could have took out Thanos on her own for sure like he had to call in the big guns just to stop her from doing just that -strongest Avenger heck yeah -and Carol came too! -friggin Star Wars Episode 8-ing up in here shooting through Thanos’ spaceship that was So Cool -and the Girl Squad! Girl Squad! part!!!! Yes!!!!! So good!!! Protec small Peter! -somewhere, Nat smiled -Spider-Man’s instakill that was great -I loved the ‘pass the gauntlet’ part though -when Clint handed it off to T’Challa, T’Challa called his name and that was good cuz callback to Civil War when Clint said “we haven’t met yet. I’m Clint.” And T’Challa was like “I don’t care”. He does care now! Lol! -Carol just friggin Beast mode Thanos can’t even touch her he had to pluck the Power Stone from the gauntlet to even knock her back! We stan! A legend! -and oof Tony to Stephen Strange “14 million and one we win? Is this it?” “If I tell you it won’t be” -cuz oof -it really was a good ending for Tony though -he started it all way friggin back in 2008 -and the “I am Iron Man” Yes -and also I think it was in Age of Ultron that part when Tony was talking to Fury and it was like “I saw them all dead and that wasn’t even the worst of it” “the worst was that you didn’t” -so it’s very fitting and so so good -lining up with and going against Howard’s earlier “the greater good rarely outweighed my personal interest” and proving that Tony really was so heroic -so like it’s sad but it’s fitting and not like an unsatisfying end for his character -and it’s not like he won’t be friggin mentioned ever again or anything he’s friggin Iron Man he’s already in the new Spider-Man trailer -(no shade at all in the ‘not begin mentioned at all’ category...) -anyway oh wait -oh god Peter Parker tear my heart out again sad boy he’s so good at making us sad when he’s sad about Tony -yeah anyway again -loved the “proof that Tony Stark has a heart” disc from the first movie that was good -oh and so like the camera is moving through all the different groups of people on the dock and moving towards the house -(just an interlude but CAROL IN A SUIT UM YES) -there’s a shot of some random kid! And I didn’t know who it was until I was leaving the theatre and another guy heard me and my dad talking and he told us! It’s the kid from Iron Man 3! Now That was a nice throwback -but yeah then it gets into the I guess TAZ Balance Rebuilding Year-esque scenes -which were all Very good! Good family scenes; Hope and Scott and Cassie, and T’Challa and Shuri and their mom, and that scene with Wanda and Clint was very good BUT -would it have been So Hard to do just a small scene of maybe somewhere in Wakanda like Shuri helping to rebuild Vision with all that vibranium while Wanda was there watching? Maybe even from his old body?? Would that have been so hard?? Just Something to give me hope?? -why are all these movies So Against Wanda being happy??? -but yeah almost to the end -more time travel with Steve going to return the stones! I’m glad Sam and Bucky got more lines I love them both -but what I really loved was that Steve got his Magnus ending -not in a “how does Magnus die” way but a “how does Steve live” way -love me a good happy ending esp if it involves dancing like that’s All he wanted -like I said earlier, I think just seeing Peggy again was enough for Steve to be like ‘oh it doesn’t matter if I can’t live without war action (a la what Ultron said in AoU) i do really want that life with Peggy and I can do that now’ -it was just Good -but it does raise a few time travel questions -like if Our Steve went back to the 1940s (he did go to the 40s right?) does that mean that there’s another Steve still stuck in the ice? I would say there can only be one Steve at a time but that was proven wrong in the very same movie. There’s gonna be something to do with multiverse in the next Spider-Man which will of course just make everything all the more confusing but still... I guess if I don’t think about it too much it’s not such a big deal -it was also very fitting that there weren’t any after credits scenes. It reminded me of the end of TAZ Balance with the announcer (Junior) not announcing the final episode since he said in 68 that we’d have to see what happens in the last one together. Idk but I liked that -and I liked the signatures of all the OG avengers! That was like them signing off on this huge thing they did, which is really what happened! This huge friggin 12 year thing! -wait was that what the 12 meant all along?? The 12%, the 12 minuets? We may never know -but anyway back to the most important part to me -my boy Vision

-I was so naive

-like I’ve been told there’s gonna be a tv show or something but like -come on -you could have given me Something -I feel like Griffin in the Fallout 4 Monster Factory after Roachie despawned “nothing?!? You leave me nothing!?!” -so like all in all it was a good movie a Really Good movie I liked it a lot -that Time Heist- I love time travel plots. I already had some of my next DND campaign planned with time travel being a big part- I hope my players don’t think I’m stealing lol -it was very enjoyable and so so good to wrap up this huge thing and put a bow on this story arc. Which I guess can open the door for experimentation now? Which would be kinda cool -Scarlet Witch movie maybe and my dreams can come true??? I can be happy??? Please -I just- one little scene could have left me less disappointed and given me just a little hope but anyone who’s not in the ScarletVision boat will not be disappointed by this movie (cuz the deaths [Tony and Nat] are heroic and satisfying to me, so I’m not not satisfied by that) -it wasn’t Their movie but still. Let me complain -It really was really good though -And I guess I only get motivated to write fanfic like once a year (or whenever new ScarletVision content is in a movie though um the Vision part of that was uh nonexistent) so like my Complements fanfic is in the process of growing a fourth part so look out for that I guess -and if you’re still here reader, I hope you enjoyed my long long ramblings

-and in conclusion:

#marvel #endgame #endgame spoilers

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gritandoengay · 7 years

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differentstarlightsublime mentioned you in a post

@fuckyeahhayleywilliams and @dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou and @gritandoengay I have not seen homophobic remarks from any Bellarke stans and if so, very few. No one is erasing the fact she was with Lexa. Hell, no one should be erasing the fact they loved each other. In fact Clexa was overcoming my Bellarke love but the fact that they had so little time made Bellarke my final ship.

Ok @differentstarlightsublime seeing as you made this asinine post pop up in my notifications again I’m going to make you a list of reasons why I have no reservations calling the Bellarke fandom lesbophobic and a toxic environment for wlw:

Preface: I don’t care what you say you’ve seen or haven’t seen, I’ve seen more than enough on Tumblr and Twitter in the past almost two years to form my opinion.

Section A: Metas

1. Popular metas circulated and widely accepted in the Bellarke fandom describing Lexa with language literally used to be homophobic towards lesbians:

Toxic, creepy, predatory

Only caring about “getting in Clarke’s pants” and obsessed with Clarke to the point of deliberately keeping her away from Bellamy

Only caring about maintaining her political power and not caring about anything or anybody else, not even her own people or Clarke (somehow, despite point 2)

Manipulating Clarke into falling in love with her

Using Stockholm Syndrome to make Clarke fall in love with her. It should also be pointed out that the Stockholm Syndrome metas would imply Stockholm Syndrome is a byproduct of rape, and that Clexa therefore had non-con under/overtones.

A cyborg that was never truly human

2. Popular metas circulated and widely accepted in the Bellarke fandom with biphobic language describing Clarke as:

“Confused” when she kissed Lexa or fell in love with her

Having to be separated from her friends and mother to fall in love with Lexa

Going through a “phase” when she kissed or fell in love with Lexa

Using Lexa purely for political purposes

Section B: Reaction to Lexa dying/Bury Your Gays/Queer Baiting

1. Arguing that Bury Your Gays:

Is not a big deal because straight characters die too

Is not what happened with Lexa

Is only Bury Your Gays if the character is explicitly killed off for being a lesbian

Is not an issue anymore because there are like 5 other shows with popular wlw pairings

2. Arguing that Clexa wasn’t queer baiting because:

Clexa got together and was canon

Everybody should have seen it coming and not been surprised

Ignoring that Shawna Benson went on a wlw online forum to literally lie to fans and tell them to go seek therapy (classy) over the trust issues

3. Defending/downplaying/straight up mocking Lexa’s death because:

It had to happen for plot purposes! There’s no way she could have lived!

Alycia is on FTWD (their schedules haven’t overlapped since)

She was just a guest star (as if guest stars are limited to two seasons)

“I want to make dead lesbian jokes and if you get offended it’s because you don’t have a sense of humor sweaty”

Lexa was a bitch in their eyes so no sympathy for the people that liked her

She deserved to die as well as die a more painful and gruesome death

Being killed off by her father figure, who was trying to murder her girlfriend bc he didn’t approve of the relationship, somehow does not echo real world violence faced at the hands of homophobic parents

Complaining that Lexa and her death to this day are still getting attention from the media

Resentment that Lexa has become such an iconic character and is so important to wlw viewers

4. Defending Jason Rothenberg because:

We should be thankful he gave us Lexa and Clexa to begin with (he also gave you Bellamy and Octavia and is responsible for her beating him up)

It’s his show so he can do whatever the hell he wants with the story (yeah and I can still call him a racist queer baiting shitty writer)

People make mistakes and he apologized u.u

Lbr the only reason anybody defends him or kisses his ass is because they want Bellarke to happen

Section C: Dismissal of lesbian characters/wlw relationships in general

1. Clexa:

Was not groundbreaking or important representation

Was fan service

Had too much screen time

Didn’t have enough screen time thus no proper development (often times said in tandem with point 3)

Happened only because Clarke was rejected by Bellamy (according to metas and said nowhere in the show itself)

Was annoying/downright infuriating bc it was getting in the way of Bellarke

Clarke should have gotten over Lexa 5 seconds after her death but for sure is going to still be in love with Bellamy (according to metas) after 6 years of no contact

Somehow more violent than other ships when Bellarke have done things like handcuffed/drugged/shot at each other, Murphy literally shot Raven in the spine, Octavia hit Lincoln, Kane whip lashed Abby, etc.

Saying that Lexa forced herself on Clarke when they first kissed (have you watched that scene??? no seriously have you??????)

Comparing the Clexa love scene to Ontari raping Murphy

2. Niylah/Niylarke:

Ignoring Niylah as a love interest for Clarke and dismissing Niylarke as purely “friends with benefits” when we all know people would be screaming canon if Clarke were seen cuddling in a bed with Bellamy like she has with Niylah

Being mad that season 4 had Niylarke

Literally ignoring Niylah’s existence

Being the reason for Niylah existing to begin with because some people didn’t/refused to believe Clarke was bi after S2

3. Lexa’s own freaking sexuality:

Writing fanfiction of Lexa having sex with a man (that I’ve seen alone, there’s fanfics of her sleeping with Bellamy, Roan and even Miller, another gay!)

Calling said fanfiction of Lexa having sex with men a “kink”

Shipping Lexa with Bellamy

Writing/drawing Lexa as part of a polyamorous relationship with Bellarke, which wouldn’t be a problem in itself if she wasn’t also often depicted as being involved in sexual activities with both Clarke and Bellamy

Getting upset when confronted, usually followed by asking why wlw shippers can take straight characters and hc them as lesbian/bi but they can’t take lesbian characters and hc them as bisexual or straight

Section D: Biphobia/lesbophobia towards femslash shippers

1. Speaking over wlw:

Being cis straight and speaking over wlw shippers on wlw characters

Thinking that they have a license to speak over wlw/be lesbophobic bc they ship male characters together

Telling wlw that they need to care about mlm ships just as much as they do about wlw rep and/or that they don’t actually care about lgbt rep if they don’t talk about (insert mlm ship)

Telling wlw to shut up about BYG/queer baiting bc gays are dying in Russia

“X and Y people in the Bellarke fandom are wlw and they agree with me therefore I must be right!”

Reacting to people bringing up the BYG and queer baiting in The 100 with “god move on already”

Telling wlw that complain about the queer baiting and BYG to “seek help” in order to get over their issues with the show, which is a pretty fucking homophobic way of wording things considering that for lgbt youth those words are usually accompanied by being sent to conversion therapy.

2. Biphobia/Bisexual rep:

Getting angry at people that say there are bisexuals with a preference for women. Imagine that! Bisexuality in itself can be fluid and not always 50/50 attraction or dating!

Berating bisexuals for preferring to see a femslash ship over an m/f one

Invalidating the sexualities of bisexuals that don’t ship Blarke

Making up statistics about the prevalence of f/f ships literally to shut down bisexuals that want to see more f/f ships

Implying that Clarke now HAS to get with a guy, aka Bellamy, for it to be bisexual rep

——————————————————————

There you go, a whole list of reasons the Bellarke fandom is lesbophobic that is not “they don’t ship Clexa” or the outright “I hate lesbians/god hates gays” that has also been seen

BTW, all of these are things I’ve seen multiple times over the years and many in posts with hundreds or thousands of notes, I won’t shed a single tear if you come crying to me about only a few people doing this

#differentstarlightsublime #bellarke #blarkes

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filmista · 7 years

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80′s favorite: ‘The Breakfast Club’ (1985)

“… And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They’re quite aware of what they’re going through…” - David Bowie

Ah, the 80’s! An era of some awesome music (totally irrelevant but in case anyone wondered my ultimate 80’s guilty pleasure song is ‘The Final Countdown’, also anything 80’s Madonna. Confession actually I just plain love Madonna, there secret’s out! Although these days her on stage acrobatics, are starting to slightly unsettle me) And crimes against fashion and excellent teen films.

Teen films were such a popular genre at the time that they almost could have been regarded as an industry within the film industry. And the driving force and brain of it was arguably John Hughes, (‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’,‘ Pretty in Pink’, ‘Sixteen Candles’ etc).

Hughes made multiple successful films in the 80’s but the most famous and the one that’s to this day still the most beloved for its timeless and universal relevance is ‘The Breakfast Club’.

These days despite the fact that I’m now quite past the age it’s characters were it’s one of those films that’s always a blast to watch, time quite literally flies, and there’s always the temptation to simply restart the film.

Not to sound dramatic and all, but sometimes I wish I had seen it during some of the more difficult times I had in high school, it might have brought some comfort, there’s a comfort in knowing: other people are unhappy too and they too sometimes occasionally have pretended they aren’t.

Despite the fact that the film is not without its flaws, I love almost everything about it. From the David Bowie quote at the beginning ( which I still consider as deep and as relevant, I think it’s so unbelievably powerful):

“… And these children  that you spit on  as they try to change their worlds  are immune to your consultations. They’re quite aware  of what they’re going through…”

To the Simple Mind’s ‘Don’t You forget about me’ playing in the ending scene as bad boy Bender raises his fist towards the sky. Even the switching between absurd or utterly brilliant dialogues, this is still one of my favorite dialogues in any film:

Vernon: What did you want to be when you were young?

Carl: When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon. 

Vernon: Carl, don’t be a goof. I’m trying to make a serious point here. I’ve been teaching, for twenty-two years, and each year, these kids get more and more arrogant. 

Carl: Aw bullshit, man. Come on Vern, the kids haven’t changed, you have! You took a teaching position, ‘cause you thought it’d be fun, right? Thought you could have summer vacations off and then you found out it actually worked and that really bummed you out. 

Vernon: These kids turned on me. They think I’m a big fuckin’ joke.

 Carl: Come on…listen, Vern, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you, huh? 

Vernon: Hey, Carl, you think I give one rat’s ass what these kids think of me? 

Carl: Yes, I do.

 Vernon: You think about this…when you get old, these kids; when I get old, they’re gonna be runnin’ the country. 

Carl: Yeah? 

Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night; that when I get older, these kids are gonna take care of me. Carl: I wouldn’t count on it.

This particular dialogue shows something very simple, yet often overlooked fact: some adults simply forget what it’s like to be in a teenager’s shoes, and therefore have forgotten all the angst and difficult times, they can’t empathize anymore.

The teenager in question feels misunderstood, and it’s likely to gather two responses, either they rebel and lash out, or they withdraw even more into their own world, and so the vicious circle of miscommunication between adults and young people is strengthened.

But to return to mentioning everything that I love about the film, I also love everybody’s cliche clothing style (Claire Standish, made me discover the frilly feminine with leather and boots look, which was a total phase I went through for a while) detention rarely looked that stylish and fun.

Honestly, this film made me wish we had detention in my high school here in Europe too, but I was always slightly too well behaved to have even landed myself there in the first place.

Twice in my high school career, I’ve had to stand in the hallway, for not so serious misdeeds, let’s say that my sometimes somewhat big mouth got me in trouble, both times haunted me for an entire afternoon…

Still ‘The Breakfast Club’ was for me one of those films that I knew a lot of people love but that had to grow on me a little, there was a straightforwardness, such a collection of bizarre situations and such a plethora of cliches, that the first time I couldn’t get over them as more flaws.

Of course it’s now safe to say that the first time I saw the film I criminally misunderstood it, as it’s all about using cliché characterization to make a statement: “we’re all different, but we’re not all so different after all” all of us share fears and anxieties of some kind. I don’t blindly love the film it’s got a fair share of flaws and stuff that I simply don’t like about it.

But I can completely overlook these now, it’s one of those films that you just have to let wash over you.

It has as I mentioned quite the lack of subtlety and cohesion at times, it throws logic out the old for its own benefit, (the disappearing principal, the effects of the joint that wear off almost immediately after smoking it?!)

It’s just an at times plain lack of realism, that if you got too cynical and allowed it could ruin your whole viewing of the film. ‘Breakfast Club’ is deceptively simple and straightforward, and it’s in this that it is so smart, it shows things as it is, it shows what’s under the surface of the psyche of plenty a teen.

It solves everything for us, you don’t have to pull back any layers with any of its characters, you don’t gradually discover what’s wrong with each, they literally all fairly early on start shoving their problems in our face, quite literally throw them out there. And that during my first few viewings of the film bothered me to no end; it seemed to me like an easy way to go and one that’s not daring in the least, because you don’t have to think deeply about it.

As time went on I came to see that as part of the film’s charm. ‘Breakfast Club’ can literally be as deep as you want it to be, depending on what mood you happen to be in that day.

It can be a film that you watch just for fun, and just because you happen to like its humour and its atmosphere, or it could be a film that sets you to thinking about deep stuff such as the societal norm and our self-awareness, how we perceive ourselves VS the performance some of us put up each day toward the outside world.

The beauty of the film is that it can be any of those things anytime you want; which is why I find that each viewing of the film can be an entirely different one.

And what initially bothered me about it I now see as endearing and pretty smart. The plot can basically be resumed as this: Wildly different people that don’t particularly like each other are forced to spend a day together.

They slowly discover that each of them is as human, as unique and as flawed as they, every person has a world of their own in their mind.

Underneath the stereotype each of them hides behind, they realize each of them has problems, emotions, and feelings. That each is far more complex than any definition that can oh so easily be put on a person.

Now I don’t know what they do in detention in America, if you do your homework, or if you’re punished by not being allowed to study.

But in ‘The Breakfast Club’ it’s an entire day of free therapy. It shows a simple yet even nowadays very often overlooked fact, life would be a lot easier and pleasant to navigate, if we from time to time could all just sit our butts down and talk to each other (I fervently believe in this).

Exchanging a “how are you” that could instead of being answered with “fine” while your world is going to shit be answered with a genuine “listen, not good at all” and here’s why.

That’s what I’ve always found redeeming about the film despite some of its flaws, the fact that it humanizes characters that are to this day in a lot of American films, just grossly stereotyped. In some of these films, it’s like they all walked out of the same clone machine, disturbing…

‘Breakfast Club’ states that our interests do perhaps define us to some degree; and that we all fit a certain type (I guess I’m the sleazy European, just joking). All of us are either “the film geek” “the film snob”, “the comic geek” or the guy who’s got a permanent residence at the gym and that it’s ok, because each of is an individual, we are not our interests, not entirely at least.

All this is what I’ve come to see in the film over the years, but it took me as I said a while to get there. But while it was a film that I saw many problems with, it was simply one of those films that for whatever reason sucked me in again and again. Simple because the film had something, it’s a something that to this day I still can’t exactly point out, it’s a unique quality in its atmosphere, that pulls you in so much that you forget your surroundings and feel as though you are in that classroom.

I think that something is the relatability of a rainy Saturday, you get up in the morning, and the whole day is still stretched out before you, the day is still rife with possibility. And even if it’s a rainy bleak day and even if that day is going to be spent indoors, it still lends itself towards almost anything.

It’s that same magical feeling you have as a kid during Summer holiday, The Breakfast Club for me has that same quality: no matter how bizarre, how unlikely it is possible in this film.

Or maybe it’s the dialogues that become absurd on occasion, and that doesn’t always feel like the way a 16 or 17 year would talk.

But that is actually delightful in their sometimes sheer absurdity, my absolute favorite line is probably: “Does Barry Manilow know you steal his clothes?” absolutely delightful…

And yet even if they at times get very absurd, there’s sometimes also just an absurdity to life, people do have hilarious conversations that make no sense to an outsider.

‘The Breakfast Club’ actually does a pretty good job of capturing that sheer funnies of life. It’s a laugh at your own misery in the company of others, sorta humor, sometimes sharing your fears with others and laughing about them, is all that it takes to see clearly and no longer be afraid, or at least less.

It’s like when you’ve been having a shit day, let’s say that a pigeon shat on your head or your shoulder, it’s not gonna be funny at the time, but more of than not you end up being able to laugh about it, after you’ve taken a good long shower and you’ve had a nice hot meal.

Initially like I’ve mentioned my biggest problem with the film was the illogicalness of the plot at times, like how the principal so conveniently disappears so that the kids can bond, it would have been more realistic had he given them more grief…

Or how as I said when they smoke a joint; the effects wear off when it’s convenient for the plot. The film does whatever the fuck it wants when it wants. Even if it becomes a bit unreal, surrealists even.

A character jumps over bookcases like he’s in the gym. But hey it was the 80’s, maybe Jane Fonda did that in her spare time “don’t worry honey, just gettin’ some exercise… But now I find that there’s a beauty to it just doing whatever it wants when it wants. It gives a sort of authentic, good-hearted charm.

A charm that some films that make sense at all times don’t always have, they’re almost too perfect at times.

But that’s the thing about ‘The Breakfast Club’ it makes sense while it’s not making sense. The director really used these so-called flaws or things that don’t make sense at the service of his plot, some call this lazy filmmaking but in this case, it works out. As I’ve been mentioning a few times throughout, the film isn’t without it’s flawed to this day Ally Sheedy’s transformation from weird artsy ugly duckling to a beautiful angel, bugs me.

I mean yeah the girl had bad hygiene and all but such a drastic shift in style wasn’t necessary either, a new haircut and just washing it occasionally might have helped.

And there are a few other things, but the ‘The Breakfast Club’s is just in the end one of those films that simply charms me and I forgive it’s flaws, because as cheesy as it sounds (give me a toilet to lean over) it’s got a nice message at its heart.

Acting wise I’ve heard a lot about the film over the years about the quality of the acting, I’ve heard people call it bad and some people say that all of the actors had never been better than they were in this film.

And that’s maybe to some degree true. Molly Ringwald was the director’s darling and did multiple projects alongside Hughes, but not much was heard of Ringwald after the 80’s, apparently, she does mainly Broadway now. It pleases me to know that she’s doing something still in line with acting.

What is an absolute fact is that pretty much all of the actors had their New York minute of fame in the 80’s and I suppose nowadays they’re in some kind of acting wasteland, or you only see them in really bad soaps and films that play at unholy hours, until late at night?

But I’ve personally always thought that even if the acting in it, isn’t entirely without flaws either, it swindles in quality on occasion.

I’ve always loved it, I love every single character and every performance. Though I’ve got my favorites, my favorite character is “the princess”, Claire Standish. I don’t see Molly Ringwald when I see her here but Claire, she’s just perfectly in character the entire times and is natural and convincing throughout.

She’ll always be one of my favorite popular, mean girls, she’s seemingly a spoiled brat that’s actually a sweetheart. the original “poor little rich girl” her parents give her everything, and yet the perfect picture is tainted.

Even she misses something and that’s real contact with her parents, real affection, after all, what good is a pair of diamond earrings when you can’t have a good talk. I love the chemistry between Ringwald and Nelson, there’s a very natural, very authentic feeling chemistry (I was much dismayed when I found out a long kiss between the two was taken out).

Visually ‘The Breakfast Club’ couldn’t be more 80’s everything ranging from the excellent music (gotta love The Simple Minds) to the so highly coiffed hair that it looks like it could catch fire, upon entering into contact with a flame, and the clothes scream the 80's…

Yet ‘The Breakfast Club’ unlike some films of the same time, some also made by the same man. Has a much calmer and tranquil atmosphere, as it does primarily focus on the conversations between the characters.

A lot of ‘The Breakfast Club’ is actually hilarious close-ups of faces and the expressions on them as they react to something. It’s something I like very much as it makes you feel less detached as a viewer, it creates a real intimacy between the characters and the audience, you feel transported into the room.

‘The Breakfast Club’ is a true 80’s classic, that has stayed contemporary. Every once in a while it still makes appearances on both European and American channels.

As I said the unique thing about it is that you can take it as seriously as you wish, it can become philosophical if you warm and it can be good fun, if nothing else.

If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend doing so in hideous, flashy 80’s sportswear, usually to be found in an attic of an elderly family member, that keeps everything under the universal: “It’ll come back in fashion again” Adagio.

“Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.”

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forkanna · 7 years

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It took me all night to stop feeling embarrassed about the scene Knives caused. Maybe deep down, I really did feel flattered that she cared this much, but it was buried under so much shame and annoyance that I couldn't even feel it accurately. Where did she get off inserting herself into my life as some weird kind of protector? Especially since I didn't need any protecting. At all. That was just some random crap I made up to make it clear that I wasn't interested in her hanging around and making me feel better. Not my fault she was too dense to realise.

A few days later, I saw her again. Just enough time to forget that the whole incident happened before I was freshly reminded because she came barging back into my life. Great.

"Are you stalking me?"

"What?" Knives asked, trying to casually drop down from the tree branch. She landed with a quiet tmp against the little patch of grass around the trunk, a would-be innocent smile playing across her lips. "Noooo… not at all."

"Because it feels like you're stalking me. And what's with that?"

"Nothing!" Her hand whipped to one side, throwing the binoculars so hard that they disappeared into the sky with a brief gleam. "Nobody was watching you since you left the house this morning, don't be silly!"

Sighing, I continued walking down the pavement. She kept pace with me; now that I'd found her out, apparently she had decided there was no point in keeping a low profile anymore. My hands clenched into fists in my hoodie pockets. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Well… I'm trying to do surveillance."

"Yeah, I got that."

"For the challenges? You know… see if I can tell from the outside anything more about what I'll face on the inside. So far, nothing obvious. But I wanna be ready!"

"For the imaginary challenges? Wow, quelle surprise."

"Are they imaginary though?" she breathed with a slight squinting of her eyes.

"Dude… you are so weird." For some reason, that made her grin at me, and I rolled my eyes. Didn't seem to be any point in trying to get rid of her anymore, so I just said, "I'm going to work. You won't have anything to do there but watch me watch old movies."

"I love old movies! Like, like… the first Harry Potter!"

Inwardly, I died a little.

~ o ~

This manic chick actually came with me to the video rental store. I shouldn't have to tell you that in this millennium, especially after the first decade of it, there's really no point in even having a video rental store anymore, so we had no customers. It was literally hours of sitting around and watching movie after movie, while maybe one guy came in and asked where 'the good stuff' was kept. My glare sent him packing.

"So was it that bad wherever you went for uni that you ended up slumming it back here again?"

"Not bad," Knives told me as she sat on the counter, spinning the orange she had gotten from a convenience store on the way in her hands. It was the last thing either of us had to eat after we made our way through some cheesy Nineties rom-com. "Just not home. Toronto is just, you know? Like… everything's so cool here."

"Yeah, it's freezing."

"Not right now. Summer in Toronto is like, the best. Plus my friend Tamara lives here, I was hoping I'd see her."

There was something about how genuine Knives was that reminded me of Scott when we first met. That could probably play a role in why they were attracted to each other in the first place, and I might be more certain of that if I were some kind of TV pop-psychologist. As in, Scott saw something of his younger self in Knives, the way he was before he broke my heart and Envy broke his in turn. Yadda yadda.

Maybe that's why I hadn't thrown her out yet. Nostalgia.

"Kim?"

"What?" I snapped, since I had been snapped out of my stupor.

"The movie's over."

"Oh…" Ducking my head, I reached over to pull the DVD of 'The Mystical Head' out of the player. "Shit…"

Head tilted to one side, Knives asked me, "What would you be watching if you had to pick? Right now?"

"Zombie Corpse Mutilator IV: The Zombining."

"Really? Is it any good? I don't watch very many scary movies…"

With a long sigh, I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. Knives tried to balance the orange on the bridge of her nose, failed, and caught it before it fell very far. "You probably just want me to put on some drivel like 'Let's Hope There's A Heaven,' don't you?"

"No," she laughed easily. "What about… 'Seven Shaolin Masters'? I like action, but not like, just a bunch of stuff blowing up. And I heard that one's supposed to be pretty authentic, it was done by a Chinese director."

The way she looked all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed reminded me of a squirrel spotting a nut it hadn't cracked yet. Maybe I was the nut. Who knows? But for some reason, her excitement and complete disregard of whether or not I crapped all over her good mood was getting past my defenses. So much so that I said…

"Sure. Think we have a few copies."

We watched it. Not a bad flick. I guess I like it about as much as I like anything, really. Not high praise, but you get the picture. Knives was eating it up. Really… the weirdest part is that she never complained about having to sit there on the counter, just hopped down once in a while to stretch her legs and lean against it instead. Like we had been doing this for years: her coming to hang out with me while I 'worked'. Felt like the plot of some low-budget indie film, shot in black-and-white to be 'ironic'.

About halfway through, she did go to the lavatory, and when she came back she stayed behind the counter. I started to tell her she wasn't allowed, but decided I didn't care enough. Maybe I'm getting soft at the ripe old age of twenty-four.

"Hey," I suddenly asked, during a boring part in which the main character was meditating.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Watching a movie."

"No… I mean like, going to uni. What's your whole deal?" I cringed; that was a pretty crappy way to ask the question. But, as usual, Knives didn't seem to mind.

"Not really sure. Just want to figure out what I'm doing. My mom wants me to be a doctor, but that is so not happening. Like… I kinda want to found a martial arts school. Super cliché, but I've never really been good at anything else, except fangirling. Which isn't really a 'job' I can get."

"Sure you could. Rent yourself out as a professional fangirl."

Her eyes went round. "You can do that?!" But for once, she seemed to get that I was teasing and smiled. "Aww, silly Kim. But… actually I wonder if there'd be any interest in it… maybe I could start a whole new thing!"

"Weirdo."

"What about you?"

That caught me off guard. "Huh? I'm a drummer."

"Yeah, but you aren't really in a band right now, right? You said you and Neil's sister are just kind of trying stuff."

"It's none of your-" But I cut myself off. This wasn't an interrogation, and Knives wasn't trying to pry. Wasn't trying to. "I just… am trying to figure that out. My life got kicked in the butt by a few events and I need a rebuilding year."

"But it's already been a year since your last band-"

"Knives…"

She fell silent, turning away to finish the movie. She looked guilty, which wasn't really what I wanted; I just wanted her to take the hint that it's not the most fun subject to bring up for me right now. But I didn't know how to tell her that without getting all sappy and feelsy, so I didn't try.

When Comeau came in to relieve me, we split, and she followed along behind like a good puppy. A good stray puppy. One I never wanted, but for some reason, I didn't mind her there. We did start getting along toward the end of Sex Bob-omb's career, I guess.

"You wanna get some food? It's about dinner time. Or you probably have plans, huh?"

Shrugging, I managed to mutter, "Eh." I didn't have any plans. I never had many plans anymore; met up with Stephen once a week, or less. Steph wasn't so much a friend as a colleague… which I guess was where both of them stood with me. Where did everybody go?

"Cool. Wanna get Sneaky Dee's?"

"Ugh… too noisy. Not in the mood."

"Poutine? Sushi?"

I started to make a very vaguely racist joke about sushi being the wrong food for her, but decided it would be more hurtful than funny. Especially to Knives, who only seemed to get the most obvious jokes. "Poutine works. I could use some gravy-laden goodness."

"Cool. Let's do it!"

She skipped off down the path, hair bouncing on the breeze. I didn't notice before that she was still keeping it short, I was so focused on the fact that she stopped dyeing it in the front. Kind of a compromise between who she had been before Scott and who she was after, maybe.

Not that I knew why I was noticing now. I must really have been bored. "Wait up, you dumbass," I grumbled under my breath as I trudged after her.

~ o ~

Somehow, grabbing dinner with this almost-a-stranger was fine. She gushed about college life, about some group of friends she found online and really connected with or whatever. I was only half paying attention while I chewed. Between bites she was drinking a ginger ale, and kept setting it down so hard that a few droplets would fly up and land on the table, or even on her face. That annoyed me, but it was also kind of… cute somehow. Maybe I needed therapy.

Once we finished up, we walked to the bus stop that would take her back in the direction of her house. It was awkward. There was no real reason for it to be awkward but it was; she looked down at her boots, rocking back and forth with her hands in the small of her back.

"U-um… do you mind if I drop by more? You seemed kind of unhappy to see me at first. If you really want me to leave you alone forever…"

"Yes. I do."

"Okay. S-sorry, Kim."

Now I felt like I was kicking a puppy. She wasn't really that bad; I just hated being forced to endure the company of anyone besides myself and my inner demons. "Ugh… just don't make a big deal about it, and shut up if we get too busy, alright? God."

Her mopey face turned into a wide smile over the course of the following five seconds. "YAY!" No seriously, she said 'yay'. And meant it. What the fuck was she even? Her arms sprang forward, and before I could tell what was about to happen, she had me caught in a crushing hug.

"Let GO. Dude, seriously! Off!"

"I'll see you tomorrow! Oh man, this is gonna be a great summer!" Without any further ado, she pranced over to the bus stop, walking backward so she could wave at me the entire time. Anybody could have predicted that she would trip over the old man's dachshund, but she picked herself up right away with a light giggle, apologising to both of them before waving again.

Our definitions of "great summer" don't have much overlap.

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #forkanna writes #kim pine #knives chau #scott pilgrim vs. the world #forkanna the writer

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keeganoocw778-blog · 5 years

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You might never consider music after you've been subjected to this Ukes' musicology. The penalties could be a good deal worse, Should you exchange songs either in individual or online. It's about to go and I want to think is classic, so I want to think I could release it at anytime. You don't want to be told you can just play music that is real time until 6 pm as soon as you have paid the band their deposit.

PERFECT TIMING It may be hard working out the period of time you and once you are considering getting the band would like them to play for. A previous factor for our tribute group is the character of their promotional material. There are many more tribute bands out there competing for the same audience that is specific than there was so make sure your tribute group is the one which gets recalled for putting on an superb show. Look through the gig listings and odds are you will discover as many tribute artists and bands because there are acts that are first.

15 Hilarious Videos About Cover Band

Your favourite recording artist employs a singing sound near their speaking voice. So music is one of the things which come to my mind whenever I think of my dad. D'Agostino's songs can be bought on his site or downloaded from internet retailers.

In case the celebrity has lots of info they would like you to share with the audience, either memorize it have a little bit of paper out on stage along with you. Memories that will survive a lifetime are created by the performance. Classic performances carry the character of the event to a different level.

For growing out your hair the procedure depends on your length. Can you share the methods technology is currently shifting the experience of visiting with the health care provider. The focus at this time is obtaining a couple songs up to speed.

Unique portions of your hair will grow out in rates. If your hair is long enough, you are likely to be in a place to hold this up in a variety of ways. Cleaning your hair gets important. Based on your hair dries up, you may be shampooing and conditioning your hair. As a very long hair that you don't wash every day!

As soon as they get to the stage that is awkward their hair cuts. Your hair may wind up on your food and will get in the way! Growing hair that is long isn't for everybody.

Tribute acts have turned into a audio genre all their own. The first acts they're patterned not always welcome them after. The tribute act was performed all over the nation to rave reviews and features two sets of the finest hits of Cole.

Every band have their own stipulations that clients must comply so as to appreciate their expert services. A last thing for our tribute band is the character of the promotional material. Bands begin they need to be able to play instruments to start with. Beatles tribute band are quite popular among Liverpool residents due to their concerts. If you are searching for the ideal Beatles Tribute Band have a look at our comprehensive catalogue to discover the best choice for your event.

The moment you understand exactly which sort of songs you desire in your wedding, then you're all set to have a ring. It's documented that those songs can be extremely lucrative for the ceremony which might explain their reluctance. It is not simply the music which makes the team one of the Beatles tribute acts in vegas. In addition, the band might be a tribute act in the area where they play music that is only from the favorite band. Nearly all the instances, the most economical band might not really be the alternative. Having a site or a media site that is social characterises the music band.

Into a joke, the genre has transformed in several ways. Jazz isn't dead. This music became a sort of therapy in the middle of experience. In case like mine and several other that are currently posting this audio it's not for monetary advantage or material. Everyone has that song. This album needs to be first categorized and also a myth has to be dispelled.

11 Embarrassing The Tribute Act Faux Pas You Better Not Make

There is no singer, than the Motown folks in conditions of the words for instance. It's very important they can find the job done nicely with different singers without the should rehearse and sight see though session singers just work by ear. Singers find other sorts of singing jobs to allow them to make a money. There continue to be artists which are still recording their previous age. When you meet people that are these geniuses and they're so nice and normal, it's so inspiring.

The competition to acquire a singing task is powerful. It's an effort at attempting to mimic the manner music of different genres, to their listeners, are being presented besides jazz. It's very glamorous to have a whole singing job, and they're able to provide pay that is why they are wanted by so many singers. A house is much more than a home. Heating up the dance floor at one of clubs is a choice that is enjoyable, if you're searching for a enjoyable night out. The mood is somewhat depressing by way of this track along with the subsequent.

It becomes memories you are able to laugh over for many years when you look back following your wedding! It is extremely important to request from individuals who have organised weddings. You may want to make sure that everybody is happy and entertained at your wedding day. At the exact same time, there are several which are well-known for playing in weddings. Arranging a marriage on a budget nowadays can be a really daunting job to do on the component of the recently engaged couple.

You don't want to go if it's to do with getting the wedding decoration ripped off. You might want to make sure you are currently interviewing the wedding initially to be sure that you're getting what you purchase. Many wedding singers provide excellent top quality backing tracks and sound systems so the outcome is extremely professional and a band won't be overlooked.

Wedding is easily the most unique day in the life of a girl and boy that are likely to begin a new life. At length, always schedule a interview with the person. Without needing to spend a lot on the stuff, you may have a stunning wedding.

By the book's close you are likely to be playing some tunes that are fantastic. You might want some identifying tunes about love to supply the background audio if you're currently celebrating Valentines Day in your home. It is a fact that a song that is fantastic wo find old if it is written nicely. Father daughter wedding songs are more significant than you may imagine. You might locate the listing if you would like to select music for an approaching wedding.

The concert will happen on the plaza.

It is not simple to categorize the things that they do as a tribute'. Among the tribute that is distinctive and original indicates that's survived the test of time.

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A person can receive a collection of high quality tickets. The tickets to listen to the artist that is authentic are pricey. A souvenir color booklet is incorporated by tickets for the first five rows.

Nobody under 18 decades old is allowed. Perhaps the easiest way to celebrate Christmas Day or some occasion that is different would be to generate dinner reservations at a charming, quiet restaurant. Day of series could be accessible. Don't forget to take pictures if you find yourself with a romantic day planned with the man who you love! All you need to do is be sure you've got team and security that is able to produce your platform light up like never before and keep everybody who comes safe. Any moment you are feeling despair lonely, anger or resentment, all you need to do is think. You can be confident you are not likely to have a moment's peace till you have taken your children to observe the movie.

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14 Savvy Ways To Spend Leftover The Tribute Act Budget

Have them play,, if you're likely to use a band and find out whether it fits your theme. Instead, you can want to employ a ring that plays music that is relaxing, so as to heat up the atmosphere. A ring with Pilipino style might be a superior option.

Should you would like to understand how to publicize your group and raise your probability of obtaining a record deal ( fast and cheaply), here are a couple of do-it-yourself ideas which will help get you started. A High School Dance Band that will be a bit more costly although it is possible to choose to employ a band. You'll most likely want to use a chamber or ring orchestra.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind. Then search for a different one if it refuses to play tunes which you want. According to what exactly the rings offer, you may discover that the rings that are higher priced are the better value.

If you decide to employ a ring be confident they understand how to perform your songs. You might have to employ a band that specializes in that type of music and a caterer that specializes in that type of meals. Rings are eager to accommodate requests within reason.

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keeganoocw778-blog · 5 years

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Where Will Entertainment Be 1 Year From Now?

There are a couple things to consider prior to hiring a band. If it fails to play with tunes which you would like then search for another one. So if you would like your cellphone to operate with quite a few bands, you have to have band phones.

You need to determine the type of band and singer which you desire. Singers find sorts of singing jobs to allow them to earn a small money. It's vitally important they can find the job done well with various singers without the should rehearse and sight see but many session singers just work by ear. Choosing a singer for the wedding can be an intimidating experience.

9 Signs You're A Tribute Singers Expert

The tune was an effort. In reality, his songs sell steadily all around the globe. The song is intended to celebrate individuals diferences. You also will need to be sure the band plays songs that you desire.

The preparation which went into the entire terrorist plot was a good deal of years. The music company can be a challenging and barbarous spot for artists contending with capitalism. It's very glamorous to have a singing occupation that is whole, and they're able to offer pay that so many singers want them.

Read through our inventory of concert tickets that are soda , just discover the event. We've got tickets in almost any tier to be sure you get to do if you're watching out for a more casual event! Events won't be reimbursed. Highlight you feel a specific event or incident will stay important for you.

You know the show was great. The charismatic show is certain to have you singing along with a few of the Bee Gees hits and dancing. You may discover it in town of Vegas if you're attempting to find a tribute show. Have a glance at why the series was left by you in the site. Near the actual Michael The series was a rather good one it was along with the performances were cool! Seeing a series is a critical part of the Vegas experience. If you're producing that display or TV Shows that have flopped you must look at what you have made.

A souvenir color booklet is incorporated by tickets for the five rows. Your tickets weren't valid for entry. Tickets for a show and dinner is an excellent way to spend a night in Vegas, and there are a great deal of shows to select from.

There are those who can not live without entertainment. It can be soothing to body and the mind. Apart from the above, it can be used for instructional purposes. Among the things for individuals is their amusement.

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Fortunately, there are plenty of strategies that are wonderful to find entertainment for next to nothing. It's not confined to dance and tune numbers. It can be observed as a business. A way for entertainment that is free would be to pay a visit to the library and locate a novel or a film.

No Time? No Money? No Problem! How You Can Get Tribute Singers With A Zero-dollar Budget

You have got to furnish info and your organization logo as the corporation will design variety of items that vary from signage to invitations as well as other substances. Obviously, not every business is able to be this avant-garde within their promotions. There are.

You are able to use music at your garden or your home. We're likely to get to get a route if you are among the lucky people who wish to learn more and develop deeper in your favourite type of music. The principles want to be strong since it's a kind of music in which a guitarist must play on scales and chords. Along with a lot of practice, you may be playing with some fast and smoothjazz music.

If a ring doesn't have video and audio samples to their site or even worse, don't have a site that raises red flags. You wish to amuse your visitors although of course you're going to want to have a group that may play with a number of your favourite songs and artists. A group we listen to is merely a part of that but a good deal can be indicated by it. So you may decide to initiate a fashion ring bands are also popular! Any expert wedding band that is fantastic ought to have a site with audio and video.

Music might never be considered by you in the precise way after you've been exposed to this Ukes' musicology that is depraved. If you exchange songs either in individual or online, the penalties could be a lot worse. It is about to go and I want to think is classic, so I want to think I could release it anytime. You don't want to be told you can just play music that is real time as soon as you've paid the band their deposit.

PERFECT TIMING It can be hard exercising once you're interested in getting the band to begin and the length of time you want them to perform for. A previous factor for our tribute band is the character of their promotional material. There are numerous more tribute bands than there was so make sure your tribute band is out there competing for the exact same audience. Look through the gig listings and odds are you will find as many tribute bands and singers because there are actions.

Where To Find Guest Blogging Opportunities On Tribute Singers

Your favourite recording artist employs a singing sound near their voice. So music is one. The music of d'Agostino downloaded from internet retailers or can be bought on his site.

In the event the performer has lots of info they'd like you to share with the crowd, either memorize it or have a bit of paper out. The operation creates. Such performances carry the event's character to a different degree.

For growing out your hair, the process depends on your length. Can you share the methods technology is currently shifting the experience of visiting with the health care provider. The focus at this time is currently getting a couple of new songs up to speed.

Unique parts of your hair will grow out at distinct rates. You're going to be in a position to hold up this in a variety of ways if your hair is long enough. Brushing your hair gets significant. Based on your hair dries up, every two to three days you may be shampooing and conditioning your hair. As a hair that you don't wash!

Once they get to the stage that is awkward their hair cuts. Your hair will slowly get in the way and could wind up in your meals! Hair that is long that is growing isn't for everybody.

Tribute acts have turned into a genre all their own. The acts they are patterned not always welcome them after. The tribute act was conducted all around the country and features two sets of the finest hits of Cole.

Every group have their own stipulations that clients must comply so as to appreciate their expert services. A thing for our tribute group to think about is the character of their material. Tribute bands begin more seriously, they will need to be able to play musical instruments to begin with. Beatles tribute band are popular with Liverpool residents due to their electrifying concerts. If you're searching for the ideal Beatles Tribute Band have a look at our extensive catalogue to discover the very best choice for your event.

The instant that you know what type of songs you desire in your wedding, then you're all set to have a ring. It's documented that those songs can be extremely lucrative for the ceremony which might explain their reluctance. It's not the music which makes the team one of the greatest Beatles tribute acts in Las Vegas. In addition, the ring may be a tribute act in the area where they play only music from the band that is preferred. Nearly all the instances, the band that is most economical may not be the alternative. The music band is characterised by having a website or a social networking site.

In several ways, the genre has transformed to a joke. Jazz isn't dead. This music became a type of therapy in the middle of experience. In other that are posting this audio and the case like mine, it's not for financial advantage or material. Everyone has that song. This album needs to be categorized and a myth needs to be dispelled.

Why You Should Spend More Time Thinking About Entertainment

There is no singer, as an example than the folks in conditions of their own words. It's extremely important they can get the job done with singers with no should rehearse and sight see though session painters work by ear. Many singers find other sorts of singing jobs to permit them to make a money. There continue to be musicians which are still recording in their age. They are really fine and normal and when you meet people that are geniuses, so iconic, it's so inspiring.

The competition to acquire a singing task is powerful. It's an attempt at attempting to mimic the manner songs of various genres, moreover jazz, are being presented to their listeners. It's very glamorous to have a whole singing job, and they can provide pay that is why they are wanted by so many singers. A house is more than a home. If you're looking for a night out, heating up the dance floor at one of clubs is a enjoyable choice. The disposition is gloomy by means of the subsequent and this track.

When you return following your marriage it becomes memories you are able to laugh for several decades! It is important to request from individuals people who have organised weddings earlier. You may need to make sure that everybody is happy and amused at your wedding . At the same moment, there are few which are well known for playing weddings. Organizing a marriage on a budget that is little nowadays can be an extremely daunting job to perform on the engaged couple's component.

You don't want to go ripped off if it's to do with obtaining the wedding singer. You may want to be certain you are interviewing the wedding singer initially to be confident you're getting what you purchase. So the result is professional, many wedding singers deliver exceptional top quality backing tracks and audio systems and a ring won't be missed.

Wedding is easily the most special day in the life of boy and a girl that are likely to begin a new life. At length, constantly schedule a interview with the individual you believe you desire in your wedding. Without needing to spend so much on the stuff, you may have a wedding.

youtube

By the close of the book you are going to be playing some tunes that are fantastic. Finally, you might want some songs about love to supply the background music if you're celebrating Valentines Day at home. It's a fact that a song that is fantastic won't ever find old if it is written well enough. Father daughter wedding songs are more significant than you may imagine. You might locate the listing if you want to choose music for an approaching wedding.

The concert will happen until the Pasadena Civic Auditorium on the plaza.

It isn't straightforward to categorize the things that they do as a tribute'. Among the distinctive and original tribute indicates that's survived the test of time.

A person may receive a group of high quality tickets. The tickets to listen to the authentic artist are pricey. Tickets for the five rows incorporate a souvenir color booklet.

Nobody under 18 decades old is permitted. Perhaps the easiest way to celebrate Christmas Day or some special event that is different is to generate dinner reservations in a charming restaurant. Day of show could be available. Do not forget to take pictures if you get a romantic day planned with the man who you love! All you need to do is be sure you've got great crew and security which is able maintain and to make your platform light up like never before. Any moment you are feeling bitterness grief anger or lonely, all you need to do is think about the superb love that imagined you. You can make confident that you aren't going to have a moment's peace till you've taken your kids to observe the movie.

The Next Big Thing In The Tribute Act

If you're likely to use a band, have them play with the sorts of music you're considering to observe how it feels and find out whether or not it fits your theme. Alternatively, you can want to use a band which plays with more relaxing audio, so as to warm up the atmosphere. A ring with Pilipino design might be a superior alternative.

If you wish to know how to advertise your group and raise your probability of obtaining a record deal ( quickly and cheaply), here are a couple of do-it-yourself ideas which will help get you started. Employ a High School Dance Band it is also possible to choose to employ a ring but that will be a little costlier. You'll most likely want to employ a ring or chamber orchestra.

There are a couple of things prior to employing a band to keep in mind. If it refuses to play songs which you would like then search for a different one. According to what the bands offer, you may discover the rings are the greater value.

If you decide to employ a band make certain they understand how to perform your songs that are selected. You may have to employ a band that specializes in that sort of music and a caterer that specializes in that sort of meals. Bands are ready to accommodate requests.

0 notes