#I have unintentionally become the class clown now.

[hinsaa-paramo-dharma]

Class mein meme banke ubhri hoon and I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed 💀

[chibicalzones]

what the characters of haikyuu smell like pt. 3

featuring: 𝐧𝐞𝐤𝐨𝐦𝐚, 𝐟𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐢, and 𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐤𝐢  

read part one and two! 

DISCLAIMER: (just in case) this is my sister’s first impression on some of the boys so don’t take it too seriously! 

warnings: touches on gender and sexuality at some parts.

post made by: alex 🍒 - ALSO I FIXED OUR ASK BOX AND SUBMISSIONS! i didn’t even realize they were disabled i apologize :c but yes, feel free interact with us!! maybe we shall open requests? or at least on my end hehe 

— kuroo: nail polish

a strong aura

has a superiority complex but he knows bc he genuinely believes he’s better than everyone else

a cheater... in every way

wanted to be cool but then he created his own level of c00L B)

was popular - like the freshman that was friends with the seniors for nO reason

wears platform shoes

prefers vans over converse

drinks straight up expresso shots instead of coffee

uninterested in finding a relationship

(little does she know that this actually geeky science loving nerd is the loml so)

— kenma: wet fall leaves

tired of everyone’s bs

wanted peoples’ approval when he was younger but he’s grown out of that. already figured out it doesn’t matter 

“i dont care if my roots grow in”

trans

hangs with the boys

shy

has a mysterious vibes

his old friend group kicked him out and is now a lone ranger

started playing volleyball to find friends and get his emotions out

has his own superiority complex because he wants to feel that he’s better than everyone else but he knows it’s unhealthy 

acknowledges his own problems

likes edgar allan poe

— yaku: apple cocktail with vodka

mix of things: nice but also gets ticked off real easily

if he went to parties, he’d just be playing beer pong

has a girlfriend - one of the few things keeping him nice

doesn’t look he cares for people’s approval of him but he really does

B student

likes science but thinks astrology is stupid

jealous of vinnie hacker on tik tok

straight now but will become gay

— yamatoro: leather

grew up in a uhm... unfortunate place? 

originally dyed his hair to look cool but went with the mohawk 

people think he’s cool but just wants approval

single

dresses different than everyone else 

but now since it’s becoming a trend, he’s really annoyed that he used to get bullied for it

had a michael jackson phase

likes edm

really bad at showing his emotions

pansexual

— lev: pool / chlorine

the kid that pushes you into the pool when you didn’t wanna be there in the first place

makes fun of you for watching anime but recently started watching it

grew up watching pokemon as a kid but he only liked team rocket

ALSO has a superiority complex

capricorn energy, moon in aries

actually dresses up scary for halloween

parents are sweet but he can be a bit of a meanie 

had a toxic relationship with a woman... because he’s actually gay

— bokuto: gasoline

A CAR DUDE SKDJFSKDFJ 

infatuated with cars

specifically owns a tesla in which his dad probably bought for him

spoiled as a kid

the popular kid

every popular person has at least dated him twice

everyone thinks he’s attractive 

the class clown but may unintentionally make fun of people in the process

“iTs mEnTAL iLLnesS isN’T IT?”

has rich parents but at least he has morals!!!

but also might take your lunch money

taken, straight

changes girlfriends every two weeks

my sister basically thinks he’s your every day local fuckboi

— akaashi: burnt pasta

really trying his best 

has good intentions but his execution’s either subpar or just awkward

likes science, specifically physics

really likes making paper airplanes and that’s how he flirts: he writes love notes and sends them your way 

bad at showing emotions so he writes them

doodles and writes in class a lot

a transfer student

hasn’t had his first relationship yet

doesn’t like swimming but he likes pool floaties

knows how to play piano

straight... for now

— konoha: miso soup

a warn person

people who don’t know him are afraid to approach him but to people who are friends with him thinks he’s very comforting

hard on others because he’s hard on himself

has an arch nemesis that fights for his position

passive aggressive but means well

was bullied for the smallest reason... like he owned a spiderman lunch box in third grade

one guy stole his girl and his is SALTY

he’d be very startled if someone came up and hugged him

with that being said, his love language is acts of service

straight

— kita: ink

artistic

he does calligraphy

dabbles in spray paint

a bit conservative 

enjoys watching skateboard falls, parkour gone wrong, etc.

cheated in elementary school

a- a bully

doesn’t let people get close to him

people don’t know what to think of him

rather good at things that people may not realize, but he really doesn’t care if they realize or not

prefers iced tea over lemonade

takes health very seriously and doesn’t drink soda

uses they/them and states he doesn’t need a relationship

but he’s had one in the past and that’s how he figured out

— osamu: cotton

a reliable person

doesn’t necessarily have a lot of friends but cherishes to make sure they feel appreciated 

has a creative side

specifically sketches using pencil

likes movies and goes on movie dates

people like him for how forgiving he is

a hopeful person

has a realistic outlook on life 

very practical 

has several friends that are girls that think of him as an older brother

a lot of people like him but he he already has his eyes on set on someone 

a closeted bi

— atsumu: butter beer

GEEK

a popular kid with a quirk

a marvel geek, his favorite superhero is the th3 classic iron man

likes girls who don’t wear a lot of makeup, also goes for bruh girls

genuinely a nice person

tries his best to be a approachable person but his geeky-ness gets in the way

has strange intentions?

puts a lot of thought into what he does but does it in a not-so-logic way 

needs guidance

questioning life

is NOT like his brother

wants people to like him but he portrays himself weirdly

also questioning his sexuality

takes a gap year before college because he doesn’t know what he wants to do yet

— suna: battery acid

“there’s a potency to his presence”

takes all AP classes

does things for himself but he’s not that full of himself

wants to make it far in life

he doesn’t know what he wants to do but he knows he wants to make a difference in the world 

always chooses to pick up trash for volunteer work

likes math because it’s straightforward

his dream significant other is someone just like him: he needs someone to care for him and soften him up

people say he’s intimidating but his friends say otherwise

into alternative rock

he would dress the way he wanted if he didn’t get bullied :(

pan and single

𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬!

— sakusa: the inside of a missionary

overwhelmed by his own thoughts but whatever he thinks, stays there 

not much of a talker 

he tutors people in math and science

reads a lot of fanfic

has a famous tumblr account - swashbuckler26 and posts abstract and contemporary art

desperately wants to graduate

wanted to become a doctor until he actually started researching

now wants to be an artist

owns peacocks

he has one best friend because they share the same interests but that leads them to argue a lot 

goes by they/them and doesn’t care for a relationship 

asexual 

this is the last part but i’m sure i missed some :/ if you guys have any other characters that you would like her to react to, lmk! hopefully i’ll be able to write for them soon!!! - alex 🍒

[winzenni]

didn't mean to make you cry (lee donghyuck)

Summary: when your design project partner’s joking criticism unintentionally makes you cry, how will he fix it? after all, you’re his crush...

Genre: hurt/comfort?, fluff

Pairing: donghyuck x artist!reader, high school!au

Word count: 1.5k

When you were paired up with the outgoing, edgy, purple-haired boy in class for your design assignment, you thought your final grade was done for. The purple-haired class clown, Lee Donghyuck, who wears leather jackets and looks like he plays with fire in his free time, but actually has a kind heart and warm aura. 

You thought Donghyuck would ditch you in the very beginning, dumping the entire assignment onto you and opting to hit up the local night market with his friends instead, but he had surprised you. Throughout the month, Donghyuck had stayed on task in classes and been very attentive to your vision and goals for the project. Together, you were assigned to create a design layout that would display students’ artwork and be printed in the school newspaper.

Though your peers in class all opted for a traditional newspaper design, with serif fonts and boxy modules, you wanted to break out of the norm and create a futuristic vibe, with circles and vivid motifs, to emanate a clean aura in your work. When you were paired with Donghyuck, you feared he would shut down your creative vision, but instead, he had been extremely supportive and helpful in the project, even offering insight to improve the layout and refine the modern look of the pages.

For fun, you had put some close-up photos of your old sketches and drawings in the background. You thought Donghyuck would have called you self-centered for putting your own personal works on the page, but he had proven you wrong by complimenting the design afterwards. Together, your smooth black pen lines and colored pencil textures created a personal, diary-like feeling to the design, while the minimalistic modules and white space kept the clean modern vibes. 

His willingness to cooperate and kindness to you and your ideas had truly shocked you, and erased the bad boy/lazy rebel image you had thought of him. He seemed like someone you wanted to get closer with, maybe.

“Donghyuck and Y/N, time for your evaluation.” the teacher called you two up.

“Hm, this corner of the page is a little crowded. It’s hard on the eyes,” Ms. Kang says. 

“It’s because y/n drew the picture there,” says Donghyuck. “It’s ugly, right?” He says it in a joking manner, and you know he doesn’t mean it like that, but the words stir up some insecurities you’ve suppressed for a long time.

Ms. Kang laughs along with him. “Donghyuck, don’t be mean. Her drawing looks fine…”

--

You know he was joking when he had called your drawing ugly, but you couldn’t help but think that maybe he truly meant it. People were always like that to you.

In elementary school, your parents had loved your art. Your scribbly golden retrievers, your painted landscapes, they had praised each one and hung them up on the refrigerator, and you were so proud to have a talent that they were proud of. 

In eighth grade, your hyper realistic self-portrait earned you a ticket to New York to have your art displayed at a museum’s exhibit highlighting children’s artworks. You began to think this talent could take off and become a career, but your parents disagreed.

“Art doesn’t make money, y/n. Do you want to starve when you grow up?”

As you grew older, your art got better but your parents’ support decreased. Though you could draw a golden retriever 100 times better than before, your parents weren’t praising you.

“It’s ok, y/n. It looks kind of ugly.”

“That’s supposed to be you? It’s ugly-”

“Why did you draw me so ugly-”

Ugly was such a short word. But why did it hurt so much? Whenever you saw your parents’ faces, you just thought about your ugly, meaningless passion: art.

--

The bell rang. 

“Ah, I barely noticed the time. We’ll finish grading your design next class.” says Ms. Kang.

“Cool, thanks seonsaengnim,” Donghyuck responds. “Y/n, what did you think? She really liked the-”

You stand up, grabbing your bag and leaving for the cafeteria. You couldn’t hear Donghyuck’s words over your parents’ criticisms ringing in your head.

“Are you dumb? You’re NOT going to art school.” “No more art, y/n. It’s meaningless.” It had been a while since the word “ugly” had come up when talking about your art, your hobby, your talent, no -- your sole passion in life that gave you a purpose. You didn’t even notice your eyes watering up.

“Y/n, didn’t you hear me?” Donghyuck catches up beside you. “Ms. Kang said -- wait, are you crying?”

You’re taken aback, looking up to the face on your left. Concern flashes through his eyes as a sense of embarrassment pierces your chest. He thinks I cried because of a dumb joke he made, you think to yourself. He thinks I’m too sensitive and weak like that.

“Don’t worry about it,” you tell him, taking a u-turn to seek refuge in the bathroom. 

At lunch, you plop your tray beside your friend Renjun, taking a seat.

“How was the project evaluation?” He asks. 

“Renjun, you’re gonna laugh when I say this. I cried for no reason in front of Donghyuck,” you reveal.

“Why? What happened?” He asks worriedly.

You explain the purple-haired kid in your class, the design project, the thoughts that had rushed through your mind after Donghyuck had jokingly called your art ugly. Renjun, who you had first met in art class and hoped to become an art student himself, was one of few people who truly understood your insecurities about your future in art. 

“He probably thinks I’m weird and too sensitive now,” you say.

“Maybe,” he says. Renjun was never one to lie, even if the truth hurt a little bit. “It’s okay though, you probably won’t see him ever again after this year.” He puts a hand on your shoulder, patting it comfortingly.

“You’re right,” you laugh, scooping up another spoonful of rice.

--

How can she be laughing so much after crying less than twenty minutes ago? Donghyuck asks himself from across the cafeteria. Did I do something wrong?

“Donghyuck, what’s on your mind?” pipes up Jeno. “What are you looking at?”

“Hm? Oh… Earlier in class, that girl over there cried after I said something but I’m not sure why.” Donghyuck answers.

Jeno raises his head to look over at the girl in question. “Oh! Y/n? She’s so nice though, how did you even make her cry?” “I don’t know! That’s what I want to know!” Donghyuck defends himself. “Who’s sitting next to her though? She was just crying last class, why is she laughing already?”

“Oh, that’s Renjun. Why don’t you just ask him? He seemed pretty chill in math class last year,” Jeno suggests. 

-- 

When Donghyuck sees Renjun turn into the boys’ bathroom before class, he follows.

“Renjun!” he calls out.

Renjun turns around to see the owner of the unfamiliar voice. 

“Why did y/n cry? Did I do something wrong?”

Tilting his head to process the sudden interrogation, Renjun notices Donghyuck’s bright purple hair and makes the connection.

“Oh, you’re Donghyuck,” he remarks.

“Please, Renjun, tell me if I did something wrong. I need to know.”

“Why do you care so much?” Renjun asks. “Don’t worry about it, she’s not mad at you.”

“No, please. Please tell me. I-” Donghyuck starts. How can he admit his crush on you to a stranger right now? He can’t miss his chance. “I-I like y/n. I need to know if I did something wrong. I want to fix it. Please, Renjun.” 

Donghyuck had loved your drawings. He had loved your designs too. And loved you too. He loved how concentrated you focused when designing the layout, how your fingers gracefully pushed hair behind your ears when it fell in your face. He loved how your passion and dedication shined through in everything you did, whether it was your voice in a presentation, or the speed and concentration of your fingers on a keyboard. You were his crush, but also his role model. He couldn’t live with himself if he had made you cry.

Renjun explained your situation, your art, your parents, your self-doubt to Donghyuck. “Shoot your shot, Donghyuck. I think maybe y/n likes you too,” he said before pushing the door open and leaving quickly to hide his growing smile.

Alone in the bathroom, Donghyuck breathes a sigh of relief.

--

The next day in class, Donghyuck slides his backpack on the desk beside you, instead of his usual seat in the back. 

You look up, unsure how to face him. Should you explain why you cried? Or pretend like it didn’t happen?

He slips a folded pink piece of paper onto your desk, nodding at you to open it. 

You unfold the paper to see a doodle of a girl and boy, painting the sky together under some clouds. Amongst the clouds read “Your art is amazing. And you are too.” in a neat script. On the bottom of the paper: “Wanna come with me to the night market on Saturday?”

You look up at Donghyuck, searching his eyes to see if this is some pitiful joke or attempt to amend. Instead, you just see a glazed, lovestruck gaze in his eyes.

“I promise I won’t make you cry this time,” he says.

[write-haikyuu]

hello! could i have some hcs of Kuroo, Akaashi and Iwaizumi where they fall for a bubbly and extroverted girl in their class but bc they notice her a lot they realise she’s actually lonely and depressed? pls and thank you!

Thank you for waiting! I don’t know why this one took me a while to do. But I hope this is good enough :’(. maybe its bc I go through those moments in my life as well! If you ever experience moments of loneliness and depression, its okay to reach out to a friend to talk.. or find things that could lighten up your mood. Take it one day at a time, because I know at least right now, things can definitely harder than ever. <3 Enjoy! 

warnings: minor signs of depression/loneliness! 

Seeing their bubbly, happy crush lonely/depressed (ft. Kuroo, Akaashi, Iwaizumi) | headcanon

Kuroo Tetsurou

He sits next to you in class and that’s how he’s developed feelings for you. You’ve always been open to help him with those derivatives (not that he really needed the help anyways). You were always so genuine and seemed really into it every time you leaned into the textbook to explain to him the problem 

“Oi, Kuroo are you listening to me?” 

He zoned out from admiring you for too long and couldn’t hear anything but the accelerating beat from his heart. 

He just adores you. Though he’s yet to admit it, it sparks him so much joy when he sees you roll your head back when you laugh. The way your eyes beam when he brings snacks, and just how light-hearted everything about you seemed to be. 

In the following months, he would find ways to converse with you in class during breaks. You would always be so receptive to every question, ideas, and stories he had to share with you. The more and more you two spoke, the more he found himself curious about you. How could you be such an attentive listener and rarely talk about yourself? 

Well those questions get answered one day when he catches you outside of the classroom after school. Your back turned away from him as you headed towards the school gate with your head lowered. 

Before he attempts to wave at you, he notices your usual pace was slower, much more dull than usual. 

It wasn’t his intention to, but naturally he finds himself trailing along behind you. He follows you all the way to the convenience store and the park, where he found you sitting by yourself sipping on some instant coffee. 

It’s Friday. Why isn’t she with friends? He reflects back to all the times he’s noticed you outside the classroom. Now that thinks about it, all those times he’s spent with you during the break, it’s always been with him and no one else...

The following Monday, he tests his theory to see if anyone approaches you the first break. Not to much of his surprise, no one does. He doesn’t know why, but his heart feels really heavy about it. Like he wants to be there for you… really, truly be there for you. 

So during the next break he quietly approaches you eating your lunch by yourself and goes, “Let me try some of that!” as he grabs a piece of your lunch and tries it himself. 

You’re slightly offended he took some of your lunch. But from that day on forth, you found that your occupied lonely thoughts were compiled with Kuroo’s presence ever since. 

Akaashi Keiji

Akaashi usually is the type to keep to himself, but being around a girl that’s bubbly and outgoing, it’s quite easy for him to befriend you (cough bokuto cough) 

I think the same reasons why he’s admirable towards Bokuto, is quite similar to the way he adores you. He sincerely feels as though your presence makes his day! You’re always helping out your classmates, volunteering for different school activities, and you even showed up to his games several times. Because of that, you’ve become quite acquainted with him. 

From an outsider’s perspective, you just seemed to be such a well-rounded, sociable person. However, Akaashi came to realize that wasn’t the case at all after he catches you on the rooftop of the school bawling your eyes out

He was trying to get some air before the interhigh tournaments 

To be honest, he was quite taken back. He didn’t really know how to approach you (or if he even should). And to see someone that has always been a ray of sunshine (in his eyes) break down in such a devastating way, all he could really do was quietly walk up to you and hand you a tissue. 

He doesn’t say anything. He just waits, and he listens. 

He’s genuinely there for you until you are composed enough to head back to class Internally, he has a million thoughts as to what you must have gone through and held back the entire time. It’s not his place to speak up about it or anything, but even as a friend-- he knows that he wants to be there for you. 

So he looks for you after school. He expresses to you that despite not always having the right way with words or the best advice, he’s there to listen. 

It’s up to you to take up that offer, but Akaashi also makes the effort to include you in more social aspects of his life. 

He invites you to team dinners, he walks you home from school every day, and he even delivers snacks for you when you’re up late studying. When you’re ready, he’s always there for you. 

Iwaizumi Hajime

Like Akaashi, Iwaizumi isn’t the type to go up to a girl and just start making conversation with her. especially with his responsibilities to keep Oikawa in check and the focus of the volleyball team, he’s just constantly a grinding man. 

But, the only reason why he actually did notice you, was this one time the class clown made a remark in the class and you unintentionally broke out a joke that roasted them, and the whole class up roared with laughter (including Iwaizumi himself) 

You weren’t explicitly outgoing and extroverted, but you talked to people when they approached you. There were days you trotted into class with a smile, and you had friends from other classes that came to visit you during break. 

Iwaizumi, who sat right across from you this whole time, was curious about you ever since. 

He doesn’t realize it, but he actually glances over at you quite a bit. He makes note of the way you laugh with your friends, the way your eyes crease like a half moon as you smile, the way you swing your leg softly as you jot down notes

Before he knows it, he developed this undeniable attraction for you. He sometimes comes into class earlier just so he can sit next to you a little longer, a lot of minor things like asking if he could borrow your eraser, or having to ask for the second half of notes… The two of you become friends, but ironically you never hang out together.  

But then you don’t show up to class. For like, a week and a half. When you finally do come back, he notices your vibe is off. You’re not looking up as much, you fall asleep in class more often, and at some point he even noticed that you were in the library by yourself quite a bit.

Usually he goes over to Oikawa for lunch, but on this particular day, he’s thoroughly concerned about you. With his attraction for you aside, he just wants to make sure you’re okay.

So without a second thought, he heads to the library and studies next to you. 

The two of you don’t say much (after all, he’s not good with small talk). But he does make the effort to ask for your pencil, your eraser and whatever it may be.

To be honest, he may not ever bring up why he’s there or ask why you’re by yourself. To him, it's counterintuitive if you have nothing to say or know how to respond. So he meets you where you’re at and whatever it is you’re comfortable doing, he reciprocates that. 

He waits for the day you’re feeling ready and open enough to share with him (that is if you ever decide to) so he could truly be there for you. :) Til then, he just continues to admire the moments you are happy and miraculously finds you when you’re down in the dumps, there to support you.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Nineteen Years Prior (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

You watched the sea of people hurry around platform nine and three quarters. Few amongst the strangers were ghosts of familiar faces, older, more experienced. All different people from which they had first been when coming here nineteen years prior. 

You couldn’t help but smile fondly as though recalling a memory. In someways it was, with only a few minor details changed. Some would have thought that aging or losing friends and family wasn’t so miniscule and shouldn't be dismissed. From your perspective it was. The pain of loss, aging and moving on with life. It was all apart of the story. You stood alone on that platform. Without a family of your own, yet it wasn’t sad. It was enough to be witness to your friends. Your gaze stopped at Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ginny. You recognised them instantly. 

Hermione kissed her daughters forehead, pulling her in close. Meanwhile, Harry fixed his sons shoe lace. His son said something, distracting him from the task. Your eyes returned to find another familiar face. Draco Malfoy’s hair was slicked back just as it had been in the first few years of Hogwarts and just as blonde. The boy he was looking down at with a soft smirk had to have been his son as he too had the Malfoy blonde hair that every Malfoy seemed to inherit. He led his son closer to his mother to enveloped the boy in a hug. He acknowledged Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. Tension was still apparent but it seemed more on Draco’s side in terms of guilt. What could he have said after everything that had happened nine-teen years prior? Draco looked away from his family and caught sight of you across the platform. His eyes widened, smirk vanishing. He looked shocked to see you and you couldn’t help but smile in amusement. Nevertheless, you waved at him as you continued to smile at him. He shifted slightly, seemingly uncomfortable before giving you a discreet nod. You weren’t too surprised. Rumours spread about the Malfoy’s after the Battle of Hogwarts and they shut out themselves in shame. Draco cut contact with everyone. No one heard from the family, only the rumours about them. You never caught any detail of those rumours, only that they existed. Then again, such stories never made it to Hogwarts, only students ever kept them alive and even then, they were barely a rare whisper. 

You had shared many classes with Draco as well as Hermione, Ron and Harry. Much like them, you and Draco got off on the wrong foot. In fact, you were enemies for the first three years. 

With every year, Draco Malfoy had become more and more insufferable, or at least that’s how it seemed. Although whether it was being accustomed to his antics or the desire for a change of scenery with some fresh air, an example would have been in Hagrid’s class. You thought he was doing pretty well. Draco, on the other hand, was insistent on mocking Hagrid through out, making it very known that he didn’t have the seal of Malfoy approval.  “Right you lot, less chatter, form a group over there and open your books at page forty-nine.” Hagrid ordered. A few looked down at their books, Draco and yourself included, in slight confusion. "and how exactly do we do that!?" Draco snapped. "Just stroke the spine, of course! Goodness me." Hagrid called back. You looked down are your book. "I didn't see that coming." You mumbled to yourself. Draco turned his head to look at you before running his fingers down the spine of the book. 

Seeing Harry with Buckbeak was amazing, although you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, wishing it were you. Although Draco wasn’t so impressed. Your jaw dropped when Draco stormed up to Buckbeak, all the while antagonizing the creature. In retaliation for being too close, Buckbeak immediately stood upon hind legs before tearing into Malfoys arm. Next thing you knew, Draco was whimpering, cursing Hagrid and 'his bloody chicken'. 

You saw him in Lupin's Class, arm now bandaged up and in a sling. He leaned against a pillar as everyone waited for Lupin's next instructions. "You alright?" You asked quietly as you turned your head to Malfoy. Draco looked surprised you had said anything. His eyes darting to you. He hadn't even noticed you had been standing beside him. "Yeah." Draco said gruffly. "Figured I'd ask that one looked like it hurt." You responded. "It did, bloody chicken nearly took my arm off." You weren't sure if Draco was being dramatic, it certainly didn't look that close. However, you didn't really know Draco enough to know if he was the type of exaggerate. 

Draco was surprised, just as his face had shown before morphing back into a scowl. He almost didn't answer your question but was so dumbfounded, he did anyway. Not even Crabbe or Goyle had asked him if he was feeling alright today. You had been the first and you were one of the last he'd think would ever think to ask. Then you surprised him again by actually keeping the conversation going. Draco had two options, tell you to shove off or actually take the conversation. Before he could make the decision, once again he had already responded. 

As Lupin began his lesson, you heard Draco mutter to Crabbe. "This class is ridiculous." "Alright! Everyone line up!" Lupin called out as the class suddenly scurried into one line. Everyone pushed and shoved into a line. Neville started and the Boggart twisted and turned into Professor Snape. Within seconds of Neville's cry "Ridiculous!", he wore what resembled the very outfit he had just described his grandmother to have worn. For Ron, a large spider that was suddenly on roller skates. Pavarti, a snake that became a clown before it could strike. For each, down the line, the Boggart morphed into their worst nightmare before turning into something utterly ridiculous. Much like the spell had been named. You couldn't help but shiver when your turn came along. 

You looked to Professor Lupin before the Boggart would morph. "How do I do it again?" You swallowed hard, your mind drawing blank at the thought of what the Boggart could turn into. "Other than the spell, what do I do?" The Boggart began to twist, morphing into your own fear. "Think about what would make it funny." Lupin said calmly with a reassuring look. The Boggart stretched, tall and thin, morphing into a man in a suit and bowler hat. He had no hair but it was the only defining feature you could make out. He never had a face. His arms longer than they should have been as well as his legs. You only ever saw his silhouette. You knew the figure well.  Usually children feared the monster under their bed or hiding anywhere else. Your monster never hid. He stayed in the dark and there were many terrible nights you awoke to him at the bottom of your bed. That man had haunted your nightmares for so long that you had made up stories about him, even when very young. He had a wife with a neck that was so weak it couldn't hold up her head. The two had a son who looked to be nine years old at most. Due to his mother's weak neck, her son had weak legs. They had never worked since birth and were lifeless. It meant the boy had a solid tight grip that you had felt in your sleep before, the pain being enough to wake you. Since then, you looked at the boys hands that were gripped upon his wheelchair. You knew if there was more than one Boggart, you'd face the whole family that haunted you. However the tall man was the one who never left you alone. 

You heard the discomfort in your classmates from behind you but didn't dare take your mind off of it. His movements were stiff, like he had to fight himself to move his own legs. His steps were small, his dress shoes clicking against the stone flooring. His knees lifting higher than necessary with each step, mimicking walking as if each step he took was his first. Just as he always had. His upper half was rigid and unmoving, making his movements even more unsettling. To your horror, the man head begun to reach out and that was when you snapped out of your frozen state. "Ridiculous!" You cried out. The man reeled back and his hat grew in size. It became to big for his head and covered his face. The man swiped at the air, unable to see. The scene gradually became amusing as suddenly the lack of vision seemed to render the man useless and unable to stay up, falling over himself and unable to stand up straight as though he had completely lost his balance. You felt relief rush through you as a few of the class chuckled, including Lupin. "Excellent! Goyle! You next!" 

When class was over you realised the only person your had your next class with was Malfoy himself. You sighed, unable to stop the sinking feeling in your chest at the likelihood that you'd be his next target. Yet Professor Flitwick's class was surprisingly calm, even when you were paired with Malfoy. "Is there a reason you have a stupid look on your face?" Or perhaps it wasn't so peaceful but rather peaceful as it can be around Draco Malfoy. You shook your head. "Just thinking about how we've went from Lupin's class to this class. Dealt with Boggart's and now we're in charms? Seems a little-" "Ridiculous." Draco said flatly. "Charms is pointless. First year stuff. Hardly worthwhile of a whole class in my opinion." You nodded. "Especially after a Boggart." You agreed, it was rather comical how such a light hearted class was unintentionally put after a challenging one. "I thought yours was a dementor." You admitted. Draco scoffed. "Why would I be afraid of a dementor?" You shrugged. "They aren't the most pleasant of creatures. It was a grim reaper right?" Draco said nothing but nodded once, not meeting your eyes. He had a fear of death.  "What was yours?" He asked much to your surprise. "You'll think it's dumb." You warned him. "Of course, I will. It's coming from you. Tell me anyway." Draco responded. "Thanks, Malfoy." You said with sarcasm and Draco's impatient glare told you to get on with it. "I'm prone to nightmares. I don't really get them here but I do at home. I think it's because the house is so old and creepy that my mind goes wild. That man the Boggart turned into has been around for a long as I can remember. He always stood at the dark corners of my room or the foot of my bed. Just a nightmare. I haven't a clue where he came from." You shrugged. Without warning, Draco sneered at his quill rolling it off his desk before reaching for another students quill. Plucking it from their desk like nothing ever happened and began to write in his book. The student beside him looked for his lost quill, noticing the one of the floor and assumed it was his, swiftly swooping down to reach for it. "Did you...did you just take that?" You asked in disbelief. "No, I borrowed it." Draco responded with a slight furrow in his brow. "Yeah right, you totally stole that!" "Are you an idiot? I just told you I borrowed it!" Draco said sharply. "Okay, do you intent to give it back?" Draco didn't respond and you hummed in satisfaction. 

After that it was a matter of convenience for you both to claim you were enemies. Although, it was apparent that you weren't. Whilst not quite friends, hatred wasn't present, even on the days you didn't get on.  It really shouldn't have been much of a surprise that Professor Slughorn paired both you and Draco Malfoy for potions class. Draco sent you an eye roll and a sneer whilst you looked utterly bored by the reaction. You moved to him, of course, because Draco Malfoy didn't move for anybody. 

Slughorn put a piece of paper on the desk in front of you making the two of you lean over the desk. He made it clear that whilst these potions were harmless, "Alihotsy Draught? What's that again?" You furrowed your brow at the paper with the given potion the two of you were to create. "Alihotsy as in the plant." Draco scoffed. "Are you an idiot? It's a potion that causes uncontrollable laughter." "Shame, just when I thought I'd be lucky enough to get a jaw binder spell for you." You responded pointedly. Draco scoffed again. "You should know better than speak that way to your superiors." You turned to stare at him in the eye. "Do you really want to play that game right now?" Draco ignored that question. "You're wasting time. The sooner we do this the more decent potions we'll make in the future...more useful ones. Also we're testing this on you." "Me!? Why me!?" "Because I said so." Draco left no room to argue. "I’ll cut this. What does it say to do next?" 

When the potion was done, there was a sweet aroma that came off of it. A smell that reminded of sweets and oddly enough childhood. Although you couldn't pinpoint just what made such a description come to mind. It was a purple bubbling liquid with an opaque purple smoke rising from the small cauldron. You grimaced, knowing you'd have to drink it. Whilst it wouldn't be the worst outcome if the potion was correct, if it was wrong then who knew what would happen. You generally just didn't want to be on the receiving end of potions. Draco handed you a small vial of the potion of which you were reluctant to accept but did so. Suddenly a different smell intruded into your nostrils. You felt very dizzy suddenly. You swayed slightly and immediately Draco steadied you with one hand, covering his nose and mouth with the other. "Blaise! Get that away!" Blaise looked up at the two of you before pulling the potion further from the two of you. "Don't think we should have used that much-" You didn't catch the rest of what Blaise said to Crabbe as Draco tugged you firmly. "Hey, are you okay?" You nodded, blinking past the now fading dizziness. "Yeah. Sorry, I don't know what happened." "It's their potion." Draco nodded towards Crabbe and Blaise. "Are you going to faint?" You shook your head. "No, no, I'm fine now." You looked down at the vial in your hand once more. "It's a small amount so it shouldn't last very long." Draco said. Although you were unsure if he was informing you or trying to subtly make you feel better as your unease was very clear. You sighed. "I hate potions." You mumbled to yourself before tipping back the vial into your mouth. 

It was as sweet as it smelled. Not the most unpleasant tastes by definitely too much if in larger amounts. If anyone were to drink it, it would not be on it's own. You hummed slightly with a smile. Although you had no idea why. Gradually, you had begun to giggle until it was completely uncontrolled laughter. It was safe to say the potion worked. Professor Slughorn strode up to your table, double checking the potion you had created. "Ah, I see your efforts have been a success!! Excellent work you two!" He praised both you and Draco. Whilst Draco would have usually felt pride in the praise, something else had him distracted. Or at least, that was until you were crouched down, clothing the desk in hysterical laughter. Slughorn seemed to somewhat have sympathy despite his own poorly hidden amusement at your state. "What are you doing!?" Draco asked, looking at you now on the floor. You couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell him coherently that you couldn't stop laughing and it was really beginning to hurt.  "Have this, it'll clear the effects within moments." Professor Slughorn handed Draco the small vial, nodding towards you as he figured it highly unlikely you'd be able to take it yourself. 

Somehow the sight of you was the most uplifting thing Draco had experienced in days. You looked absolutely ridiculous and your laughter was more contagious than he'd have liked to have admit. "Don't...laugh...at me!" You said in breathless laughter which only made Draco chuckle a little more. "I can't help it." Draco crouched down. "Stay still! How am I supposed to give you this whilst you squirm around like that!" Even then, he couldn't be completely annoyed at you. He was certain you didn't even realise that you had made him laugh. Something he very much needed as of late. "Swallow it! Swallow it! If you spit that out, you'll be stuck like this." Draco said hurriedly.  Eventually you were able to and as assured, your laughter subsided, leaving you coughing. You took a breath, giving him a small smile. Draco smirked although his stare in you remained, lingering longer than usual. 

Draco seemed to grow more hostile yet isolated. His group of friends always behind him as usual but you couldn’t help but notice that it took him longer to notice them. Furthermore, it seemed more difficult for his friends to retain his attention. You noticed but didn’t ask. Not that you had high chances of a response. It seemed better to think that unless Draco approached you, keep out of his way. You got on with him better than your other friends did. 

As the year continued, it seemed Slughorn was more interested in Hermione, Harry and Ron. As a matter of fact, it seemed the three grew closer, the more Harry grew suspicious that Draco was a death eater, the more Hermione and Ron seemed to develop a tension between them. You weren’t oblivious to the tension, even if they were. It was no big surprise that the two liked each other. You figured it was only a matter of time before they realised. Whilst they were at Slughorn’s get together - an invite you didn’t receive- you were asked to deliver a book from Professor McGonagall. Once you had done so, you were eager to get back to your dorm, not wanting to be caught wandering the halls. 

As fate might have it, you nearly collided into both Draco Malfoy and Professor Snape as you turned a corner. Luckily you halted before you could walk into the two. You couldn’t help but notice how alarmed the two looked but before you could think anything of it Professor Snape spoke up.  “What do you think you are doing wandering the halls at this hour?” Snape demanded icily.  “I-I’m sorry, Professor.” You said hurriedly. “Professor McGonagall asked that I return a book for her. She permitted me specifically. I was on my way back to my dorm now.” Snape eyed you with skepticism. “I trust you two can both find your way back to your appropriate dorms without delay.” Snape said somewhat dryly before turning on his heel and marching back down the hall, leaving both you and Draco. 

You exhaled as soon as he was out of earshot. “I thought he was about to rip my head off.” Draco seemed to lightly smirk at your statement. “He probably would have, if it wasn’t for that.” Draco gestured behind him.  “You were at Slughorn’s party?” You raised an eyebrow as the two of you began to walk in the opposite direction.  “No!” Draco said with disgust. “I was crashing it.”  “Why?” You asked unable to hold back a smile. “I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.” He replied.  “Well? Are we missing out?” You asked. Draco scoffed. “We’re the lucky ones.” Draco did a double take. ”Weren’t you invited?” It was his turn to ask. You shook your head. “No. Too pureblood to even dream of getting an invite.” You gave him a playful smile.  “Disgusting...” Draco said to himself, thinking of the group that were in attendance.  “You look great though.”  “Thanks.” Draco smirked. 

You did a double take when you found Draco, alone, reading a book. You hurried up to him. “Hey, can I sit with you? I promise I wont bother you.” Draco’s gaze lifting to you. He rolled his eyes. “Fine. What’s up with you?”  “I’m hiding from Harry, Ron and Hermione.”  “Finally seeing how pathetic they are? Come to your senses?” You sent Draco an unimpressed look. “Ron took a love potion when he and Lavender were previously all over each other. I don’t even want to talk about that. If i have to hear “Ron-Ron” one more time i will hunt own a dementor and make it kill me.” Draco couldn’t help but chuckle but continued to listen to your rant.  “Hermione is almost heart broken and Harry wasn’t quick enough to the idea i had. Run like hell and hope it all blows over.” Draco crinkled his nose in disgust. “Weasley under a love potion?”  “It’s weird.” You responded. Draco paused. “Lavender who?”  “Lavender Brown.” You responded.  “Oh...her.” He said and you nodded slowly in slight dismay.  “I mean, get me some fire whiskey and maybe i could stomach it a little longer but I beg of you don’t make me go back there.” Draco chuckled. “I won’t.” He leaned into your side slightly. “Who was the love potion for?”  “Harry.” You said flatly.  “From who?”  “Romilda Vane.”  Draco burst out laughing.  “Draco, shush! I’m not even supposed to tell you this!”  “Tell me more!” Draco laughed.  

You shook your head at him in disapproval but the smile was still clear on your face. The atmosphere surprisingly light and peaceful considering who you were spending time with. "How have you been?" You asked. His smile faltered slightly. "I've been fine. Busy." You nodded. "Yeah, I haven't seen you around as much. Dare I say it, it's weird without you." Draco smirked. "Miss me?" "I wouldn't go that far." You smirked back before you let out a laugh. The two of you stared into each other's eyes. You forgot the world in that moment. It was just you and him in the peaceful quiet...and he didn't even think to ruin it which was always a plus. It was also short lived in the end. Whilst the time with him had you convinced that perhaps you could consider him a friend. You couldn't help the slight flutter in your chest from seeing this side to Draco. A much preferable one. 

The next time you saw him, he was hurrying around the corner and nearly collided into you. Before you said anything, you noticed that Draco was most certainly not okay. Immediately, you were worried and jumped into action. Draco looked ill, his face pale but his eyes wide in terror. "Are you okay?" You asked him caught off guard. His breathing quickened, not far from hyperventilating. "Hey. Hey. What's wrong? Come with me right?" You grabbed Draco by the wrist pulling him along. You knew something was very wrong as he allowed it without even as much of a protest or sly comment. You left him to a quiet and peaceful part of the castle. "Here, take a breath." You said rubbing his upper arms and looked into his eyes for any sign of pain or injury. Draco swallowed hard, trembling slightly. "Look at me." You coaxed him. "You are okay. Just breathe for a second yeah? Are you hurt?"  After meeting your gaze, Draco shook his head. You visibly looked relieved. "Okay, good. Now deep breaths. Take your time. No one can see you here." 

Any other time, Draco would have taken your kindness as insufferable but now, now he was more than thankful for it. Even if he didn't really want to be around anyone. Regardless it surprised him to see you so concerned when usually you could be dismissive of him, even send him a piercing glare when he made comments about you, Harry, Hermione and Ron. 

You were even more thrown off guard when tears slid down his face silently. "Hey. What's wrong? What do you need?" Draco wasn't sure what he needed. Ideally an escape from his task that the Dark Lord had given him. Some reassurance that he wasn't a terrible person for what he had just done to Katie. He didn't know what he needed and yet in his silence you seemed to have an idea. You pulled him into a hug. A hug hadn't been something Draco considered would help yet much to his surprise, your hold on him was very comforting. Much to your own surprise, you felt Draco's trembling arms hug you back. You held him tightly. 

"You're going to be fine." You said to him quietly. "Whatever is going on, you'll pull through." You stayed like that for roughly five minutes. Suddenly, he abruptly pulled back, wiping his eyes. "Not one word of this, (L/N)." You heard Draco grumble, refusing to meet your eyes before storming off. You didn't follow. Only watching him go in concern and confusion. 

Later, you heard that Harry and Draco had gotten into a fight. Harry told you what he had done. Everything happening so fast that he hadn't realised what was happening until it had happened. You demanded to know where he got such a spell, at the very same time Hermione did. Suddenly the book Harry clutched and kept with him at all times didn't seem so much as a cheat sheet- it was a weapon. "For enemies?" You ground out as you stared at Harry. "I didn't know what it did and he attacked me! I'm not proud of it, I just don't understand what that kind of spell is doing in there!" "Listen, I get where you're coming from. You've had your suspicions of Malfoy and its not like you were best buds from the beginning but do you really want to be the person who fires off dangerous spells like that?" You said. 

It was true, whilst you were furious Harry had done it and the stupidity it took to use a spell that you didn't know what it did, you understood Harry's predicament. Much like many situations, everyone could regret what they did in hindsight. 

"No! Of course not." Harry said rubbing his forehead in stress. "You're sure? That Malfoy did that to Katie?" You asked him. "I think his response confirmed it." Harry said flatly. You nodded. "Okay." You hugged him. "I'm not going to give you hell over something I already know you're putting yourself through. 

At seven in the evening, you waited outside the Slytherin common room. You couldn't just walk in and since you hadn't seen Draco, it was likely he was inside. Much to your relief, Blaise was heading back to the common room. "Zabini!" You called out, stopping him in his tracks and he turned to you. He looked confused as to why you were around and even more so why you wanted him. You gestured for him to come over and almost reluctantly he did. As though you were playing a trick on him. "If you see Draco in there, can you tell him that I'm looking for him? I need to talk to him." You asked. Blaise looked unconvinced, uncertain why a friend of Harry Potter would want to speak to Draco Malfoy. "Please." You said quietly with a pleading look. He exhaled, a war clearly in his mind as he turned away and headed into the Slytherin common room. There was a chance both Zabini and Malfoy would ignore you but you stayed put on the chances that Blaise would tell Draco and Draco would come out and see you. 

Five minutes later you Draco emerged, looking around and locking eyes with you. He looked fine, tired if anything but seemed to be completely unharmed. "What?" He asked sharply. "Move over here so no one over hears." You said cautiously, eyeing the Slytherin students passing the two of you. Draco looked almost impatient as he tugged you further down the hall and out of prying ear shot. "What?" He asked pointedly. "I heard what happened today. Harry told me things and-" "Potter must be relishing the victory but he'll get what's coming to him!" Draco snapped. "Draco, I know about Katie. Harry told me." You said quickly. Draco didn't seem surprised, annoyed if anything. "Of course he did, but neither of you know a damn thing." Draco sneered. "Draco, stop. I'm not here to pick a fight. I'm here to ask if you're okay." You responded and this time a flicker of surprise flashed in his eyes, his rigid composure had begun to relax. "You what?" "Harry hurt you." You said softly. "He hurt you bad and I had to come by and see if you were okay." Draco relaxed, taking a breath. "I'm fine. Tired but I'm fine." "Was that why you were upset earlier?" You whispered. "Because of Katie...?" Draco swallowed hard, looking down momentarily and you knew the answer immediately. "Draco, I don't know what's going on at home and I don't want to make assumptions about you. Believe it or not. I just want you to know that...regardless of everything, I consider you a friend and I'm here for you." Draco tried his best to remain composed and was mostly successful if it wasn't completely obvious that is what he was trying to do. "I can't tell you what the truth is or what's a lie but thanks for being there for me. As weird as it is." You cracked a smile. "Glad it's both of us that find this weird." Draco gave you a small smile in response. "You're a good friend, (Y/N)." He said quietly. "I mean it, I'm here for you." You assured him. "I'm just glad to hear you're okay. Did Madame Pomfrey heal you?" "I can't tell you." He said quietly. You nodded. "Fair enough, it doesn't matter. As long as you're okay... I'll leave you alone now." You took a step back. Draco nodded. "Don't let Filch catch you. Go back to your dorm." He smirked slightly. "Draco Malfoy, do not manifest Filch on me!" You called back. 

You had no idea what was coming, the Great Hall was destroyed and you just so happened to be out of the dorms. A cold tight grip grabbed your hand. Draco quickly dragged you down the corridors wearing all black, no longer wearing his uniform. "Draco? What's going on!?" "You can't be here! Not now!" Draco said hurriedly. "What do you mean?" You asked. He eventually took you to Crabbe and Goyle. "Malfoy? What the hell?" Crabbe began but Draco cut him off. "Take them to Gryffindor commons, if you don't, I'll crucio you into next week!" Before the two could comply you spoke up again. "Draco, what is it!?" You asked hurriedly. He stared into your eyes. "Were you really my friend?" Draco asked. You nodded, fear in your eyes. You grew more frightened, the more he dodged the question. Draco said nothing more. Sending a pointed look to Crabbe and Goyle. Immediately after that he watched you go, with a lingering stare. 

You only saw Draco a handful of times after that. He didn't return that year, neither did Hermione, Harry and Ron. It made you very lonely, although Neville and Luna were quick to change that. Perhaps it was easier to think that Draco was just a friend back then. Although the time without him told you otherwise. Those lingering looks always resonated with you after he had gone. Friends don't look at each other for that long, do they? Ironically, it was easier to forget your feelings when he was around. When he wasn't, you missed him and thought of him constantly. By the time you had acknowledged your feelings for Draco Malfoy, it had been too late. You never stopped believing that Draco wasn’t the cruel death eater he was ‘destined’ to be. You saw more of him and were determined to see that through to the end.

Perhaps it would have been easier for Draco to see you again after all of these years if he hadn't found your lifeless body back in the Battle of Hogwarts. Perhaps he couldn't stomach looking at you knowing that you never made it out that day of the battle. Although nevertheless you smiled at him from across the platform. If he took anything from it, you wanted him to know his old friend didn't blame him one bit. 

Draco sprinted towards your lifeless body, falling to his knees and scooping you up. "(Y/N)!? (Y/N)! It's me!" Draco said hurriedly, shaking you lightly. Your wand rolled out of your hand as realisation sunk in. You weren't breathing. Draco shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No! (Y/N), please!" He hugged you to him. "I'm so sorry." He cried before tearing himself from you and running off. 

Draco looked up from his son and wife to the place you stood. Your pleasant smile still in place. A man walked past you and by the time he was out of his line of sight between you both, you were gone. No evidence you had ever been there. Harry, Hermione and Ron didn't seem to catch sight of you even once. He gave a small smile to his son as Astoria said her farewells. Whilst at first, seeing you filled with unease, he couldn't help but feel comforted knowing you were okay in the end.

[medea10]

My Review of One Punch Man 2

[burnouts3s3]

Joker (2019), a review

(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, don’t take anything I say too seriously. I enjoyed all 5 Michael Bay Transformers films, for crying out loud.) Just the facts 'Cause you're in a Hurry! Ticket Price: Will Vary Theater to Theater How much I paid: 10.95 USD Rated: R for Strong Bloody violence, Disturbing Behavior, Language and Brief Sexual Images Running time: 122 minutes (2 Hours and 2 Minutes) 3-D: No Post-Credits Sequences: None. My Personal Biases: I like Superheroes. I like superhero movies. I like the DCEU and I have a disposable amount of income that means going to see an overpriced movie means nothing to me. Sorry if you were looking for someone harsher. I liked the first Hangover film but not Hangover 2 and Hangover 3. I have not seen Old School, the King of Comedy or Taxi Driver. The Controversy: A lot of critics are worried that the Joker will incite a mass shooting because it portrays a lonely white guy who becomes a killer in a sympathetic light. Security: When I went to my local theater, the showings had a strict “no handbags, no backpacks and no costumes or helmets or facepaint” rule. When I left the showing, there was a police car outside waiting “in case something happened”. My Verdict: For all the hype and controversy, Joker doesn’t feel like a cohesive whole (maybe on purpose?). Its interesting scenes and a character study about a guy losing his way that feels like an homage to Taxi Driver without actually accomplishing it. Still, Joaquin Phoenix is great at the role and his performance is worth the price of admission alone.  Honestly, Director Todd Phillips had more to say (problematic or not) about arrested development, medication, reckless behavior and daddy issues with the Hangover’s Alan. I recommend a viewing, but if you’re squeamish or don’t feel like going outside for whatever reason, you can always wait for Video on Demand. Warning: SPOILERS! Joker (2019), a review

You know, I was already sick and tired of the conversation the Joker started before I even watched the movie. There’s been a lot of talk about how problematic the movie was and whether or not releasing the film now with all these mass shootings and political tension in the air was a good idea. Pitched as Taxi Driver but with the Joker, the new film is said to be the launch of DC’s Black Label, stand alone films that are not connected to the rest of the DC Extended Universe. As such, Warner Bros. is taking a new approach and casting Joaquin Phoenix as a Joker not in any way related to Jared Leto’s version found in Suicide Squad. It also shoots for a much different style of film not seen in the Marvel movies (or for the matter, even DC’s own Aquaman and Shazam). I always hate it when people are concerned about problematic content or giving people the wrong ideas because there’s not a direct correlation that such works of art that has those ideas will be accepted. I reject this notion because I see plenty of good or positive content being promoted that people just don’t seem to take. To use an example, I don’t think Captain Marvel is going to convince a bunch of white women to join the military or vote for the democratic party in 2020. As such, even if this new Joker film didn’t exist, the next mass shooter is probably going to find inspiration from another source. Problematic or not, I was simply eager to find out whether the film was any good. As such, here’s a review of the controversial “Joker”. In 1981, Arthur Fleck lives with his mother Penny in Gotham City working as a clown-for-hire. He suffers from a neurological disorder that causes him to laugh at inopportune times, and regularly visits a social services worker to get medication. After a group of street kids steal Arthur's sign and beat him in an alley, one of his coworkers loans him a gun for protection. Arthur also meets Sophie, a single mother who lives in a neighboring apartment, and invites her to his stand-up comedy routine. If I were to tell you that I thought the Joker film was ambitious but flawed, do you wish me to send you my email address so you can write me a nasty letter or should I bring out the rotten vegetables so you can throw them at me? During a visit to a children's hospital, Arthur's gun falls out of his pocket, which results in his firing. Arthur also learns that the social service program is shutting down, leaving him with no way to get his medication. During a subway ride home, Arthur is harassed by a group of three Wayne Enterprises businessmen, and he kills them when they start to beat him. This unintentionally starts a protest movement against Gotham City's rich, with protesters donning clown masks in his image. Let’s get one thing out of the way; whatever my feelings on the film are, Joaquin Phoenix owns the role. His Joker is simply magnificent to behold and it’s very visible both from the weight transformation to this mannerisms that he was ready for this role. The sympathetic moments you feel are solely because of him. Well done. Sadly, the rest of the film doesn’t live up to the hype or controversy (in my opinion). It feels like interchangeable beats with little to no progression. It’s not so much a plot driven film as it is a character study of Arthur’s descent into madness. We see portraits of his life and see how he just can’t catch a break and it does show him in a sympathetic light. I will give credit that the film eventually revealing that Arthur ISN’T a special person that is misunderstood but is just a guy who’s just like everyone else who thinks he should have more than he has right now. See, in a series of reveals, it shows us that Arthur is an unreliable narrator. His love interest was something he imagined because she was nice to him one time. His belief that he is the illegitimate son of Thomas Wayne (an idea planted into him by his mother) is nothing more than wishful thinking. The movie goes out of its way to paint that while Arthur may have a sympathetic situation, he’s taking actions that are not. It’s only when things start attempting to world build that everything gets confusing. Apparently, Arthur becomes some sort of symbol for the poorer class of the city (#OccupyClownStreet ?) and people start dressing up like him. And there’s a reveal with Thomas Wayne which I just rolled my eyes at. It’s just weird that Arthur ‘coincidentally’ kills 3 Wayne Enterprise employees and people take it as a political statement even though Arthur reiterates he’s not political. It’s unclear what the film is trying to say about any of the subject matters it brings up. Director and screenwriter Todd Phillips said more about medication, unresolved parental issues, arrested development and entitlement with the Hangover’s Alan. This isn’t even “screw all sides, shut up and get off my lawn” libertarian fratboyism as patented by South Park (a position, I would argue, that Matt Stone and Trey Parker, have since back peddled on). It doesn’t really say anything during it’s runtime other than “rich people suck and society made me this way”. (Again, in my personal, subjective, biased opinion). CAVEAT: It’s clear that the Joker controversy has eclipsed even the film itself. Beyond all the punditry, the fans and critics debating, the moral panic and the extra security, the film itself is just another Joaquin Phoenix show case. It’s not even ‘that’ violent apart from one stabbing. Maybe that’s the joke? That the controversy surrounding the film is more important than said film? Director Todd Phillips said he wanted to make a ‘real movie’ and pass it off as a superhero movie. Aside from the weird swipe against other superhero movies, Todd Phillips seems to be trying so hard to get prestige when I’d say the Hangover films had sharper teeth than this. I understand a lot of people are unsure whether or not to go see the movie given the current political climate and safety concerns. I won’t judge them, but I’m of the opinion that if you let fear get to you, the people propagating the fear usually win.  However, if you’re unsure, I don’t see a problem with just waiting for the film to come out on VOD. It’s rare for a film to get this much attention, regardless of whether Warner Brothers and Todd Phillips planned for it. I just wish it had more to say given the opportunity. Rating: Matinee

[randomlynormalgirl]

Joker Movie Thoughts

this is a bunch of jumbled, unstructured thoughts about the joker movie because I can’t stop thinking about it and I needed to write at least some of my thoughts down. might add to it every now and then. hope you enjoy it anyway if you end up reading it :)

MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!!!

watching the ‘joker’ movie felt like a very visceral experience for me. the movie manages to hold and intertwine many complicated themes alongside the plot so eloquently that I am not surprised it received an 8 minute standing ovation. I will be personally outraged if Joaquin phoenix does not receive an Oscar for his portrayal of the joker character because he manages to perfectly display the descent into madness as well as the tragedy of the movie. This movie manages to make you want to sympathise with Joker because the course of events leading up to him becoming the joker is very tragic and given the right circumstances would turn any sane man mad, yet you know you shouldn’t empathise with him because you understand he is mentally ill and that he sees violence as the only way to exact his revenge. Every scene in the movie is a trailer moment yet I didn’t feel like the movie was spoiled for me in any way.

Another aspect of the movie I liked is that Joaquin Phoenix manages to use his acting skill so well that he can subtly show how the joker’s descent into madness builds to a crescendo so spectacularly. How the first dance he does after his first kills is slow and controlled compared to that when he is fully embracing his madness and dancing on the steps so freely, because in his madness he is set free. It reminds me of Midsommar in that way slightly. Also, Joaquin’s body during the movie was also a strange sight and the dedication he put into the role to make himself look that skinny and ill simply astounded me. also, knowing that Joaquin improvised the dancing in the bathroom after Arthur's first three murders makes the scene all the more eerie to me. i hope he looked after himself after he finished filming for the movie because i dread another heath ledger situation, i don't think my heart could take it

I also appreciated that despite the amount of violence in the movie, a lot of the deaths are actually not shown. I think it’s a sign of good acting and good directing when the audience can guess what’s happened behind the scenes just from a few context clues (such as the end of the movie when he leaves the therapists office trailing bloody footprints)

I saw someone on twitter say that the joker movie is just Marxism in practise and honestly I can't fault their logic. The working class leading a violent revolution against the top 1% because they want better than the shitty lower hand they have been dealt, the fact that the newspapers in the film literally call it the 'kill the rich' revolution, the fact that Thomas Wayne literally calls them all clowns and it only ends up spurring on the revolt further. i mean, i can definitely see it.

The story is heartbreaking because it is believable. Watching as a mentally ill man is pushed to the extreme due to funding cuts for his therapy which ultimately stopped him getting the medication he needed to stay sane, poverty, an abusive childhood, a mentally ill mother whilst also living in a classist society where the working class are oppressed by people like Thomas Wayne. A good example of this to me is his first trio of murders; he only killed them because the three Wall Street type guys were going to beat him to death had he not pulled out the gun to kill them, yet it is certain that if Arthur had been killed by those men no one would care because he was not someone worth reporting on in the eyes on the media. In short, anyone below middle class in Gotham were considered nobody and they had enough. Arthur merely sparked the rebellion.

I enjoyed how the joker didn’t plan to become a political figure in the movie. He unintentionally becomes a martyr to the people of Gotham and how that tied in with the origins of batman was a very cool moment for me as part of the audience.

To add to this, the ending of the movie being dubious was an interested touch. Throughout the movie we learn that we cannot always trust Arthur’s perspective. From his fantasy of being on his idol’s TV show, down to his delusion of the romance between him and Sophie. So, the idea that the end of the movie suggesting it was all in his imagination was interesting to me. I, however, don’t subscribe to such a theory because I think the final flash of Bruce with his dead parents was the director giving us that subtle hint that this time the joker wasn’t just dreaming of being successful and loved by many, it was real this time. A slightly less important note but the aesthetic of the whole movie was just very grainy and gritty and fit the film? like the old school format, the cinematography and the fucking SOUNDTRACK. 'that's life' by Frank Sinatra is one if my favourite songs and the fact is features so heavily in this movie was a really cool moment for me? i also really liked the whole riot scene; it just felt really raw and gritty and like a true climax to the joker's story as he finally becomes the persona fully and finds his new identity as the figurehead for this revolution in Gotham

Of course, I cannot talk about this film without mentioning my beloved heath ledger and his depiction of the joker, and the references and similarities between the two. Let me make one thing clear; phoenix’s and ledger’s joker are nowhere near the same. I remember reading that Joaquin and heath were very good friends, and that Joaquin did not in anyway want to impose on heath’s legacy. He understands how legendary that role was and said while he loves that portrayal he didn’t want to be a cheap imitation. I believe he has fully achieved such a feat but I cannot help but compare. Some ‘Easter eggs’ or possible homages to heath that I recognised were:

-the scene where Arthur is in the back of the police car reminded me very much of that scene in the dark knight where joker steals the cop car (ledger / phoenix). I realise that is is also supposed to parallel the scene earlier where he is sat all sad on the bus compared to how happy he looks in the police car but i didn't quite get it straight away.

-Arthur using his own blood to paint the smile on his face (x) after the car crash reminded me of the ledger makeup look

-Arthur saying to Sophie that he ‘had a bad day’ reminded me instantly of when heath ledger’s joker said something along the lines of ‘everyone is just one bad day away from being like me’

none-Ledger related Easter eggs I noticed too were:

-the protesters laying Arthur across the hood of the crashed cop car Jesus-style to signify that he's saintly to them was a nice touch -Bruce coming down the fireman’s pole was reminiscent of the Adam west batman series where they had to come down the fireman’s pole

-the joker being attached to the death of Bruce Wayne’s parents (although less directly in this depiction)

-the font of the late night talk show is the same as batman the animated series

-I’ve seen some people say that the backdrop of the talk show is the same during the titles of the animated series too

-joker killing the host was reminiscent of the dark knight returns where joker kills the audience of a TV talk show

-apparently the look of this joker is similar to that of one of his video game iterations but I can’t find that -the sort of reference to the inspiration behind the entire joker character by having Arthur have a condition where he can't help but laugh in certain situations, when the joker was based on the film 'the man who laughs' where a man is cursed to never stop smiling no matter how much he tries -major inspiration from taxi driver, which also features Robert De Niro so its a cool touch -some kind of reference to the movie 'the king of comedy', a movie centring around a person obsessed with a tv show host which has similar plot points and also features robert de niro again which is pretty cool

[naruto-scenarios-plus-akatsuki]

Can I get a scenario with Sai who is uh... 'distracted' by a girl that he has a crush on in a modern AU in high school? NSFW if you can!

So I couldnt help myself and I wrote the girl as my oc Saryie. Hope you dont mind. I wanted to explore how my oc and Sai would be in a AU because I am so use to writing them in the Naruto universe in my story Stirring Emotions on fanfiction. So I hope you like it and thank you for the request! AU Sai distracted bya girl

Sai fidgeted with his blue tie around his neck, loosing itshold around his neck. He wasn’t use to wearing such things and he wasn’t sureif he made the right choice in wearing it. What do people normally wear todances? Was he supposed to dress more casual or was it custom to look classy?Sai didn’t know, he always had a hard time preparing for social events and hehoped this night would go smoothly.

Sai hadn’t expected to go to the school’s dance this year. Hehad tried asking a few girls out before to the dance but most of them haddeclined his offer. Sai was planning on not attending the dance, preferringto stay at home than attend it alone like last year. Sai certainly wasn’tthe most popular in high school but he thought he had made some good friends amongclassmates. However, he still found himself eating lunch alone no matter howhard he tried to fit in.

Sai had been relatively surprised when a girl had asked himout to the dance. Her name was Saryie. Sai had seen her around the schoolplenty of times before, but they hardly ever exchanged words. Sai was certainthat Saryie was also in his history class and she typically sat in the back ofthe classroom. She was always smiling and laughing with the class clown,Naruto. She radiated optimism and he caught her smiling at him a few timesbefore.

Sai never thought nothing of it as he would smile back ather trying to be friendly. Now here he was in front of Saryie’s front door totake her to the dance. Saryie had asked Sai so bluntly to the dance. She hadfound her way to his locker and had asked him with a slight blush upon hercheeks. Sai was stunned but was able to stutter out a yes. Saryie was smilingat that and told him to meet her at her house and that they would catch a ride withNaruto and his date to the dance.

Sai had nodded. It sounded so simple, but nerves entered hissystem the night before. It was too late now as he rang the doorbell to Saryie’shome.

Saryie soon came to the door, opening it to greet Sai. Saiwas momentarily baffled seeing Saryie in a pretty blue dress.

“Hey, good you’re on time”, Saryie mentioned smiling.

“Uh… yea…” Sai struggled for words, not knowing the rightthing to say. “You look really blue,” Sai mentioned, awkwardly.

Saryie gave Sai a quizzed look, before poking Sai in thechest where his tie was. “You are looking blue too,” Saryie said after amoment, laughing slightly.

Sai cracked a smile at that, glad that his awkward complimentdidn’t lead to tension. Sai gazed over Saryie’s laughing features as he felt awave of butterflies flood his stomach. Sai quickly tried to shake away thosefeelings as he brought his hand up to Saryie.

“Here, I brought you a rose,” Sai commented, displaying therose in his hand to Saryie.

Saryie’s eyes widened for a quick second before taking therose from Sai’s hand. She twirled it in her fingers before smelling it.

“This is so sweet. Thank you Sai!” Saryie gratefullyacknowledged as her attention diverted to the car that pulled up in her driveway. “Oh looks like they’re here! Let’s go!”

Saryie had spoken excitedly as she grabbed Sai’s hand tolead them to the car. Naruto honked his horn from the front seat, smilingwidely at the two as his date, Hinata, shyly waved at them. Once Saryie and Saiwere in the car, Naruto backed up and they were on their way to the high schooldance.

Sai unintentionally flexed his hand, relishing in the warmof Saryie’s hand. He never held hands with a girl before, not for this longanyway. Sai’s eyes traveled up from their interlocked hands to Saryie’s face asshe was chatting with Naruto and Hinata about something. Sai wasn’t listening.  He was too distracted bythese new feelings invading his body and the surreallness of this moment.

When they got to the dance, it was already started. Therewas a dj center along the back wall and tables and chairs surrounding the dancefloor. The lights were dimmed and flashing colors glittered along to walls. Themusic was too loud that it made it hard to converse. Not many of theirclassmates were dancing, but that didn’t seem to matter to Saryie as she nudgedSai with their interlocked hands to the dance floor.

Sai was reluctant. He wasn’t sure he knew how to dance, butSaryie was smiling at him and encouraging him to come. Sai didn’t want to lether down and let her lead him to the dance floor.

Saryie soon began dancing, jumping, moving her feet to themusic as Sai tried to move his feet with the music, not too sure what to dowith his hands. Saryie noticed Sai’s uncertainty, and grabbed his hands onceagain to dance with him. Saryie was smiling and laughing with delight as shegot Sai to move more fluidly. She twirled herself with his hand and leanedagainst him when she got dizzy.

Sai could feel her body flushed against his, creatingtingles beneath his skin. This was all so new and he was starting to like thefeeling. They danced for a couple hours, taking a break to get punch betweensongs Saryie didn’t care for. Naruto was out dancing with Hinata too, makingher blush mad when Naruto tried to pull off a crazy dance move. Many studentslaughed at Naruto, knowing his antics were purposefully made to get thatreaction.

It was much later that night, that Naruto wanted to ditchthe dance. Saryie had agreed, no longer caring to dance. The four of them leftthe school’s gym to get back into Naruto’s car. Naruto suggested they go to themountains edge to star gaze for a while. The group agreed and Naruto stopped toget snacks at a gas station.

Naruto and Hinata left Saryie and Sai alone in the car asthey went in to get snacks. Sai was very much aware of how close, Saryie was tohim. She sat beside him in the middle seat, her thigh touching his.

“So did you have fun at the dance?” Saryie questioned,curious, looking over at Sai.

Sai nodded, a smile forming on his face. “Much more than Ithought I would.”

Saryie smiled, happy to hear that. “I’m glad… I have aconfession to make,” Saryie turned away as blush dusted her cheeks.

Sai couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “What is it?” Saispoke, becoming curious.

“I really glad you had a good time tonight, Sai… because I’vehad a crush on you for a while now,” Saryie admitted, bashfully.

Sai’s heart was hammering in his chest as he was filled withdelight. He couldn’t think of the words he wanted to say. He was drawing ablank as his eyes were locked onto Saryie’s features. He knew he had to say somethingto express his joy, but words escaped him as he stuttered.

Saryie turned hesitantly back to peer at Sai when he leanedforward and pressed his lips to hers. Saryie was shocked but immediately closedher eyes and relished in the feel of Sai’s lips. Their kiss was soft and slowas Sai felt Saryie’s fingers brushed through his hair while he placed his hand tentativelyon her waist.

A new flood gate of emotions rushed through Sai as he felt hisbody react in a way he never felt before. However, their moment soon ended asNaruto loudly set off the alarm on his car.

Sai and Saryie broke apart startled as Naruto was laughinghysterically as he turned the alarm off. Naruto and Hinata got into the car asSaryie shouted at Naruto with blush still dusting her cheeks.

“Thanks for giving me a heart attack!”

Naruto was still laughing and Hinata tried to hide heramusement. “Sorry, thought I saw fire with how much heat was coming from theback seat.”

Saryie’s face turned more scarlet as Sai tried to straightenhis posture, trying to hide the effects of what the kiss did to him.

“A car alarm wouldn’t do anything for a fire!” Saryie weaklyprotested.

“I think it stopped the fire from spreading,”Naruto mentioned as he pulled out of the parking lot and they headed out to mountain’sedge to enjoy the rest of the night in each other’s company. 

[newagesispage]

                                                          DECEMBER        2017

*****The Astros win the World series.

*****Jill Kimmel is doing stand up.** Her brother Jimmy’s childhood drawings were turned into flesh super heroes The terrific Ten.** Jimmy is in a twitter war with Roy Moore. After being called out by Moore, Jimmy is heading to Alabama to either fight or talk since he is unsure of what Moore is taunting him to do. He wants to dress like a girl scout since he feels that Moore only notices little girls. Kimmel would really like to talk Christianity because as a Christian he does not understand him.

*****So.. Scary clown has delayed his decision on elephant trophy’s which has angered hunting groups.** It is said that Rex Tillerson is about to be out and Mike Pompeo in. Business as usual!

**** The tax bill is atrocious. It adds a trillion to the deficit and the middle class tax cuts would expire.  They are trying to sneak in a caveat in the part about college savings plan. It would not actually change anything for savings now but it a backdoor way to have their way on abortion. It would introduce ‘fetal personhood’ into law which of course would be a short leap to taking away choice.

*****Scary clown 45 is ranting about the jury in the case of Kate Steinley who the jury says was accidently shot by an immigrant named Jose Inez Garcia Zarate.  Trump has been ranting about this case for a while now but the San Francisco trial just ended.** And we are really seeing what Trump and his fake news are doing to the world. His yelling about CNN put doubt into other countries about a REAL story they did on modern day slave auctions in Libya. These are real humans that need help and he has others doubting the very story. ** He also put out fake stories about terrorism which were debunked but Huckabee Sanders said it does not matter if the stories are real, the threat is real. The fake news also gave much free publicity to hate group Britain First.

*****The original Conklin’s barn was torn down on November 7. Fingers crossed that the donations will keep coming in so they can reopen by December 2018 as Barn 3. Time for some Days cast members to donate some fundraising time??

*****Patton Oswalt kicked ass in his new Netflix special Annihilation and also just got married to Meredith Salenger.

*****Boo Boo Stewart and Mark Derwin star in Lowlifes out in 2018. Lowlifes is the story of a second chance boot camp who stumble onto a terrorist group.

*****Meghan McCain seems so angry and it seems she wants to tear Joy Behar’s head off sometimes. She is supportive of some liberal agendas but automatically turns off some ideas simply because of who is proposing them. This is the very thing she rails against. I did love her take on sleezy Matt Lauer though, I too never had any respect for him after the Anne Curry thing. And c’mon ET all the Lauer clips you showed seemed to have him in front of Rolling Stones advertising.** Lauer has been accused of many things including exposing himself. Why do these men always think we want to see their dicks? They all think they have something special, they are not that fucking different. Keep it in your pants, most would be embarrassed if they were held up to other men. And I don not believe for a minute that Jeff Zucker did not know about it. I never trusted him either.

*****China says that Trump is proof that democracy does not work. They are benefitting from our misery and zeroing in on being number 1. Besides spreading propaganda, they are making lots of jobs with clean energy that they can sell to the world.

*****Steve Green of Hobby Lobby has finally opened the 500 million dollar Bible museum. The idea of making all guests sign a promise to become evangelicals when they leave was nixed.

*****$15 mil in taxpayer money has been spent on the sexual harassment complaints of congress.

*****James Jagger and Matilda Lutz are the face of Giorgio Armani’s fragrances Because it’s you for her and Stronger with you for him.

*****Commerce secretary Wilbur Ross declared the divestment of his holdings but he’s still part owner in a company. This Russian company has ties to Putin’s son in law.

*****Please Please Conan.. More Butterscotch the clown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****The UK is having its own political and sexual misconduct scandals including a secretary of state Damian Green.

*****The Mark Twain prize for Letterman was filled with my favorites and was very emotional. Al Franken edited out? Maher is right: The liberals are pussies.

*****The Paradise papers about offshore finances were leaked.  The secret financial activities of the superrich show a lot of Russian dealings. There are also questions about Queen Elizabeth’s private estate and other business leaders.

*****The list of those accused of sexual misconduct grows, from Dustin Hoffman to Brett Ratner to Russell Simmons and more to come. Simmons is accused of raping Lena Horne’s granddaughter. We need a special kind of thank you for Ronan Farrow who is working tirelessly to blow the lid off of the Weinstein bullshit. I Can’t wait for his new book. He has exposed many things which have helped feel safe enough to come forward. So many helped in the Weinstein mess , including Dylan Howard, chief content officer of American Media Inc. which publishes The Enquirer. Howard was apparently a helper in the disgusting network of suppression. Sime sticks together like Levin sticks with Trump.** We need a real truth teller, an honest Cronkite type and I see it in Ronan. **Jane Seymour had her own story of sexual harassment with a powerful producer at the start of her career.** Charlie Rose is fired after his allegations. That one hurts.** I am so glad the women are coming forward. The bravery of citizens like in The Keepers is opening up a world of (hopefully) more truth, more justice. ** Are political operatives helping to dig any of this up?** A good portion of people I know are natural flirts. Are there some who don’t even realize that they are offending? Out and out rape and authority figures who try to stop an employee’s rise when they do not get their sexual way is obviously wrong.  We are human though and sometimes that line may be crossed unintentionally. I think each story has to be looked at for what it is. We must discern between real and cruel sexual situations and tasteless jokes and bad manners. All is wrong but there are different ways to deal with the accused. Listen fully to the stories from the victim’s mouth. Follow the evidence and force yes or no answers. This political speak of “let me tell you” or “I will say this” is nonsense. People out and out believe that celebs of journalists did the bad deed but politicians receive more skepticism. People take the side of their left or right hero without really listening. If you can’t see the difference I wonder about your ability to reason, about your moral compass. An Al Franken or Garrison Keillor seem to be a bit different from a Weinstein. ** Uma Thurman had a great tweet: Happy Thanksgiving everyone (except you Harvey, and all your wicked conspirators. I’m glad it’s going slowly-you don’t deserve a bullet)** Pelosi could be a little more eloquent and quit getting in her own way defending the left. Just before I put this page out, Pelosi says Conyers should resign.. WOW! complete turn around.** A woman came forward to the Washington Post trying to push some fake news about Roy Moore. She claimed that she was impregnated by him and then it was found that she was meeting with Project Veritas whose purpose it is to set up stings on the mainstream media. Of course there are REAL reporters at the Post so the story was not published.  Hmm imagine looking up facts and not getting your news from the 700 Club or online scuttlebutt. ** Isn’t all the money and power enough for these men at the top? Law and order SVU must have enough script ideas for another 20 years.** Is all the women standing up and not taking it anymore what we get for losing Hillary? It is like she had to sacrifice herself and gain liberation for the rest of us. So many can’t believe what got into the White house and real truths need to be out there. WAKE

*****Prince Harry and former Deal or no Deal employee, Meghan Markle are engaged .

*****The governor’s award honored Donald Sutherland

***** Fashion Police on E is over.

*****I watched Ozark on Netflix and wasn’t too sure after the first episode but tried the second and then I was in. There were times when I could not quite suspend my disbelief but then there were so many characters that I seemed to recognize from my real life. Bateman and many deserve some love for this project and I will miss Russ in season 2.

*****Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr story sounds like a great doc.

*****The Grammy noms are out and leading the way was Jay-Z with 8. That was followed up with Kendrick Lamar, Bruno Mars, SZA, Childish Gambino and Khalid. Also on the list of nominations are Lorde, Lady Gaga, Imagine Dragons, Bob Dylan, Kraftwerk, Leonard Cohen, Jason Isbell, Gregg Allman, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Bruce Springsteen, Bernie Sanders, Carrie Fisher, Dave Chappelle, Queens of the stone age, Jim Gaffigan, Jerry Seinfeld, Sarah Silverman, Kevin Hart and The Rolling Stones.

*****So glad Search Party on TBS is back!!

*****The Crowns Plaza hotel has a projection on the outside of the building that declares FUCK TRUMP.

*****Don’t take your eyes off this administration and the judges he is putting in place, the rules that he and his cohorts are changing and the rights he is taking away from all of us. We have a lot to deal with now but don’t let his tweets or his slick talkers distract you. Yes we need justice from the Russian probe but somebody is handling that,. I wish the news would let that play out and update us more on what they are taking from us.** If you can’t see what is wtong with a Trump or a Roy Moore, I have to wonder about your moral character.

*****Hooray for Washington Week for 50 years and Meet the Press for 70. Thanks Washington Week for your touching tribute to Gwen Ifill.

*****Dan Rather has a new book, What unites us.

*****Nathan Fillion is back on ABC with The Rookie. The program is inspired by a true story of the oldest rookie in the LAPD from the executive producer of Criminal Minds, Mark Gordon.

*****For the fifth year in a row Michael Jackson has been the top dead celebrity earner.

*****Laurence Fishburne is divorcing Gina Torres.

*****Papa John’s has apologized for blaming the knee taking football players for low pizza sales. C’mon who eats that pizza anyway?.. get a good product!** The alt right has named them their official pizza.

*****Voting has begun for the rock and roll hall of fame. This year we have Bon Jovi, the Moody Blues, Dire Straits, The Cars. Judas Priest, The Eurythmics, The Zombies, J. Geils Band( please finally!!!!!), Depeche Mode and Nina Simone.

*****U.S. court judge Colleen Kollar- Kotelly barred Trump from continuing with plans to exclude transgender people from military service and thinks those who have sued have a good case.

*****So.. What the fuck is the hinky biz going on at Guantanamo?  The place has its own rules and nobody can seem to agree on said rules. Brigadier General Baker found good cause for Nashiri, a suspect in the USS Cole bombing, to lose his lawyers. After the lawyers were allowed to quit, a judge ordered Baker to rescind that order but he refused.  The judge put the General in jail. The General , a U.S. citizen and  the 2nd highest ranking officer in the military claims the judge has no jurisdiction over him. We will have to see how this plays out.

*****James Comey is releasing his story in May with the book A Higher Loyalty.

*****Michael Lewis tells us about all the prep the Obama administration went thru to bring the Trump administration up to snuff in his new nook The Undoing project.

*****Brit Vandegraft married John Witt on October 14 and honeymooned thru Dallas and on to the West.

*****According to the pentagon, America has spent $250 mil a day on war every single day for sixteen years.

*****Donna Brazile’s book Hacks claims the Dem campaigns were offered a chance to bail out the DNC and get much support. The Bernie campaign declined but the Hillary campaign supplied the money. Brazile seemed a bit surprised and rattled about the reaction to her book in the beginning.  After a couple of weeks she settled into it and the defensiveness sort of faded.  She tells us that she has been in politics for fifty years and if we don’t like it ,we don’t have to buy it. She claims she enjoyed Hillary’s book and backed her all the way.  Brazile writes that she got to the bottom of everything when she took over the DNC and was threatened over and over again.

*****Days alert: WTF Adrienne?? Poor Lucas never gets to keep the girl! **Peggy McCay celebrated her 90th.** Keep Hope and Raif together. Damn!

*****So glad to see Katherine Erbe on How to get away with murder.

*****Spot on writing and acting on another level with Jane and Lily and Sam and Martin on Grace and Frankie. What treasures!!  Thrilled to see the appearance of Mary kay Place . Craig Welzbacher who played Myron on Days was on there too.

*****Dinklage, Harrelson and McDormand in Three Billboards… can’t wait.

*****This winter, Trump requested 70 foreign workers with special permission from the U.S. labor department for Mar –A- Lago. He also would like some for various golf clubs thru the H-2B visa program. There are currently 5,136 qualified persons in the area ready to work. America first?

*****The second part of Stranger Things just as good as the first.

*****Scary Clown 45 is being sued because he blocked twitter followers.  He now knows that since he uses his tweets as an ‘instrument of governance’ blocking is not allowed.

*****Fifty years brings Rolling Stone magazine an HBO doc, a rock and roll hall of fame exhibit and the whole thing up for sale.

*****Rand Paul was attacked by his neighbor as he mowed his lawn.

*****Ok.. I realize that shows like The View have to shift.. well I guess they do.. But I don’t get how they can talk about a shooting and then hey ”view your deal’.  C’mon, it just seems so inappropriate to suddenly talk about spending $ on silly things. I always tune out when this shit happens.. can’t this shit be at the end of the show. No offense to those companies but I do not watch for that. .. But good for Sonny Hostin for going to Puerto Rico to tell their story.

*****Sad to see Dale Earnhardt Jr run his last race. Is Chase Elliott the next Mr. popular ?

*****An American woman, Shalane Flanagan won the New York marathon.

*****Manafort had 3 passports and we won’t get to the trial for he and Gates until May.

*****Charles Manson is dead. Writer Phil Luciano still has some letters from him that he does not know what to do with. They are now headed into the Lincoln library in Springfield, Il.** How did Charlie wrangle such good publicity from American Horror story? The timing as usual is impeccable. Charles (Manson) in charge?** The History channel seems to have some unheard recordings from Charlie that will air on December 3 as Manson Speaks.

*****Prince Salmon Mohamed is purging in Saudi Arabia. His crackdown has included about 500 other Princes who have been rounded up. He is consolidating power and getting rid of enemies. Just days before Jared Kushner went for a visit.  It seems like so many ego driven men in the world today are grabbing all the power they can.

*****Check out Jeff Ross roasts the border.

*****The recent elections went pretty well for the left including Bill DeBlasio. Congrats to all the newly elected including the first openly trans woman and an African American mayor in Montana. Nobody should get too cocky.

*****The VA says they won’t help the dishonorably discharged per the Trump team.  Hmm no help from VA, no universal health care.. I guess soldiers should suffer in silence, beat their families or become addicts.

*****Wow Darrell Hammond was awesome on a Criminal Minds that Aisha Tyler directed.** BTW Did ya see the episode where Mantagna utters the line, “I don’t like a the snakes.’? OMG

*****HBO is making a limited series about the Jonestown tragedy with Vince Gilligan and Octavia Spencer.

***** Watch for Peter Fonda in The Ballad of Lefty Brown coming out December 15.

***** So.. Tiny kitchens are a thing?

***** Pumpkin spice has reached its peak. Pumpkin out: Maple in.

*****Check out Sean Astin as Paul Manafort in Houseguest (on Colbert).

*****I thought my head was gonna explode when Bill Maher had Michael Moore, Donna Brazile, Chris Matthews and Sarah Silverman on the same episode.

*****So the People mag sexiest man is stupid anyway but Idris isn’t the man this year? WTF??

*****Jim and Andy: The story inside the story inside the story of Carrey playing Kaufman. This is a great piece of work.  Is it wrong to say how hot it is that Jim gets this look in his eye about Andy? Even though he is no longer inhabited by Kaufman, something seems to bubble inside him when he talks about the man.

*****On November 14th Bob Corker held hearings on executive authority to use nuke’s .

*****The Louis CK film I was looking forward to ‘I love you Daddy’ looks like a wash.

*****They say the Pres has no control over fuel prices but Trump in.. prices soaring.

*****Rwanda has offered to host African migrants stranded in Libya.

*****Why do people always say they did not think it would happen to them or their communities when shootings happen? How long does it take to sink in to Americans that mental illness and this obsession with weapons is everywhere?  I will agree with a couple of things that the NRA says like we need to enforce the rules in place better a that mental health is a big part of the problem. If mental health is the real issue then where is the universal health care we need to take care of this problem?

*****GQ has named Colin Kaepernick citizen of the year.

*****Just as I am posting this the Mike Flynn charges were announced. They broke into the news with this news. A real reporter must never get any sleep in these Trump times. Apparently he is pleading guilty and cooperating in the Russian investigation. Go Go GO DOJ!

*****Why is the last sketch on Saturday Night Live usually the best?

*****R.I.P. Dennis Banks, Liz Smith, Lil Peep, Malcolm Young, George Young, Brad Bufanda, victims of the Texas church shooting, Gloria Fallon, Roy Halladay, Robert Knight, Chuck Mosley, John Hillerman, Paul Buckmaster, Mel Tillis, Della Reese, David Cassidy, Earle Hyman, Joseph L. White, Jim Nabors and Rance Howard.

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[architeuthid-blog]

Books That Have Made an Impact On Me

The Pale King: It’s strange to read a book by a dead man, I mean a book that wasn’t finished because the author died but which was published anyway. In the literary world this is taken as a matter of course; one expects posthumous publications from renowned authors. It’s pathological, and it was hard to shake the feeling when reading one of these artifacts that you’re looking at something unintended for your eyes, like you’ve wandered into a dressing room and stumbled upon a clown who hasn’t finished putting on his makeup. Then again, the novel ends with the same abruptness and feeling of ruined orgasm as Infinite Jest, so maybe the difference is academic for Wallace.

That’s not what made this an impact though. It’s a certain scene, in the chapter from the point of view of the slacker-stoner character, who’s wandered into the wrong classroom and ends up listening to a lecture from an accounting professor. It’s the way he describes, in his airy confessional, the teacher’s attitude, a self-possessed man, without any of the corny jokes he’s used to from the humanities department, an assurance that everything he is saying is true and necessary, no filler, no need for emotional connection, just pure knowledge, a Kantian understanding of the world and its phenomena.

This semester I’m teaching a world literature course in the science & engineering building. Every day I arrive a few minutes early to set things up, and every day the previous professor is still occupying the classroom, either still lecturing about mathematics or staying after to answer students’ questions about the material. Every moment is filled. It’s pedagogy at its most efficient and essential. I bet she never feels the need to justify what she’s doing; the importance of differential equations is self-evident, even if one has (probably) never moved anyone to tears.

I’m sure it’s not always the case. Some of my students do seem to care about the Epic of Gilgamesh; I’m actually surprised how many, this semester around. And everything is more complicated than it first appears. I know nothing of this other professor’s life, her dreams, whether or not she’s happy, whether or not such a question actually matters. But every time I’m up at the lectern and have to fill an awkward silence, every time I’ve run out of things to say about some classical Indian epic and then realize there’s still 20 minutes of class time left, every time I ask a question about the text and am met with a sea of blank stares, I can’t help but think about The Pale King and the way that layabout was inspired by an accounting lecture.

Have I ever inspired anyone?

2666: Ah, and we’re hopping right back into morbidity. Another book that was never finished due to the author’s sudden non-existence. This might actually be, unintentionally, my favorite genre of literature. Few will argue against Bolaño’s genius, and 2666 holds up even incomplete, even incomplete and in translation (for Natasha Wimmer, though less celebrated, is also a genius). Beyond general prose mastery, this book is also remarkable for being telepathic: About halfway through The Part About the Crimes, I was sitting in a coffeeshop, thinking to myself, “Wow, all this violence is really starting to become a chore to get through, I wish something else would happen for a change,” and lo and behold, on the next page, the book suddenly lapsed into a bizarre, extended parody of One Hundred Years of Solitude. I have to respect that.

Bolaño has also been one of the largest influences on my writing style, mainly because I decided to write a story that imitated his prose, and, it turns out, imitation is not just the sincerest form of flattery, but also the best way to learn from someone. I swear less in my writing though. I’ve been uncomfortable with swearing, I don’t know why.

The Story of My Teeth: The first book on the list that isn’t a doorstopper and whose writer didn’t die before finishing it. Wow! Also the first book on the list written by a woman. Double wow!! Actually, I’m not quite sure what impact this book made on me, but it was a good one. It certainly made me fall in love with Luiselli’s writing. Her prose is just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore. (I was originally going to write “She’s just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore,” but I’ve never met her in real life, and so cannot make that kind of qualitative judgement. I was going to meet her, back in 2015, at a conference in Tucson, but I miscalculated when booking my flight and hotel, and so had to leave a day early. On top of that my flight was on Halloween, so I also missed out on one of my favorite holidays. I wouldn’t say that I was inconsolable, but I was certainly in an ill mood for a while.)

I’d talk about how Luiselli is like a reincarnation of Scheherazade, a master of the art of the story-within-a-story, but this isn’t LitHub, and the onanism I’m engaging in here is a different animal altogether.

(Even though I’ve written for LitHub before, I kind of despise them, for reasons that don’t quite add up. I think mainly they seem like yet another vanguard of the fake-woke brigade, and I can’t stand people who seem like nothing more than the masks they wear. Ooh, what to do, you’re being problematic again. And you just used “seem like” twice in quick succession. That’s shoddy craftsmanship.)

Not One Day: I actually just finished this book a few days ago. Actually, it hasn’t even been officially released yet (tee hee, I have an advance copy, well that’s less titillating that you might think). The conceit of the book is that the author, Anne Garréta (a member of the Oulipo, nonetheless!), has decided to spend five hours every day writing about different women she has desired over the course of her life. So it’s a confessional novel, but Garréta is very self-conscious about the fact that she’s writing a confessional novel, she knows how the sordid game is played. I, too, often feel self-conscious about the things I do, like I’m always late to the party. Fortunately, Garréta knows how to innovate. And not all her tales are erotic adventures; actually, very few are. One is about a little girl who develops a fascination with her. Another chapter centers around her learning that someone has a crush on her, but she never figures out who.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I like the style. I’m narcissistic enough that I may steal it for something (just like I’m stealing this from someone--but I’m getting ahead of myself).

The Elephant Vanishes: This was gateway drug into the world of Murakami. Short stories are easier to digest than full novels; there are natural starting and stopping points, along with the sly exhortation that you can walk away at any time if you’re feeling unsatisfied. Of course, I was reading the book for an undergrad course, so that wasn’t really an option for The Elephant Vanishes, but then again I never felt the need to take advantage of that particular safety cord.

(The course was called “The Poet In Asia” and was a general survey of Asian literature, more or less. We also read Rumi, Li Bo, Du Fu, Matsuo Bashō,   etc.)

Actually, there’s not much else to say about this one. I guess it also introduced me to post-modern literature, literature that maybe went beyond the mainstays of plot, characterization, and so on. Does that mean anything? Plenty of writers today would say no, that post-modernism is just privileged navel-gazing. But I do gaze at my navel a lot; it collects a worrying amount of lint over the course of the day.

Notes From Underground: Another required reading from my undergraduate years, twice: first in a mandatory “Narratives of the Self” class, then later in an elective course on Russian literature (Anna Karenina would have also made this list, but, I mean, c’mon). My major, incidentally, was philosophy. All of this is just tangentially related.

Notes From Underground taught me an important life lesson, one I didn’t even realize I needed until I had it. Oh wow, I hate myself a little bit more for writing that. I don’t even want to tell you what it is now.

Okay, I’ll give you a hint.

I saw some of myself in the Underground Man, and correctly understood that to be a bad thing.

Pale Fire: Did this book actually make an impact on me? Thinking about it, I’m not really sure. Formally it does something I think is cool. Moving on.

Minor Angels: The first Volodine novel I read. Of course that carries significance. It certainly delivered on its promise of its effect hiding not in the text itself but within the reader’s dreams. After finishing Minor Angels I woke up locked outside my apartment, around midnight, in January, barefoot in the snow, braving my way over slippery ice and pointy rock salt to reach the emergency phone. I need to stop talking about this event, or at least stop pretending that it somehow makes me interesting. This isn’t even the post-exotic novel that made the biggest impact on me. That honor would belong to. . .

We Monks & Soldiers: Everything comes around in great circles. Or small circles. Fuck, I don’t know. Everything is at least repeated here, and by here I mean in We Monks & Circles, er Soldiers. I like how we see the narrative twice, with slight variations the second time. It’s a genuine post-exotic form, the Shaggå, a series of seven sequences, repeated, and interspersed with commentary, impenetrable to the outside reader, any of which could be the enemy of post-exoticism.

Yes, this is hell of pretentious. No, I don’t care. Shut up. I hate you. I’m going to kill you. Oh noble son or daughter, you who are reading this, you shall die by my hands. Think on the Clear Light, though you will not reach it. You are doomed the wander the Bardo for forty-nine days until you are reborn into another miserable existence.

Also, the scene with the spider-girl in the burning hotel is pitch-perfect.

The Soul of an Octopus: This book made me jealous more than anything. Here Sy Montgomery is, going backstage to prestigious aquariums across America, getting to meet firsthand the octopuses in their care (not to mention a rather handsome-sounding marine biologist), and then she goes and writes a best-selling, award-winning book about the experience! Whenever I go to an aquarium, the octopus isn’t on display. Or they’re hiding. I can’t blame them for hiding, I’d be shy too if I were on display like that, but the former just seems like rotten luck. I was so looking forward to seeing the Enteroctopus dofleini at the New England Aquarium two Decembers ago, and her handlers had spirited her away that inauspicious winter day for some well-deserved r&r. At least I got a t-shirt.

I have gone to the following aquariums:

~Georgia Aquarium (Atlanta) ~Tennessee Aquarium (Chattanooga) ~New England Aquarium (Boston) ~Mystic Aquarium (Mystic) ~Tybee Island Marine Science Center (Tybee Island) ~South Carolina Aquarium (Charleston) ~Aquarium of the Bay (San Francisco) ~Shedd Aquarium (Chicago) ~National Museum of Play (Rochester) ~Aquarium (Endless Ocean: Blue World)

Our Lady of the Flowers, Echoic: It’s not the book itself that made an impact on me here, but rather its translation, by Chris Tysh. She takes Genet’s Notre dame des fleurs, a prose text, and transforms it, in her interpretation, into a poem. The effect is striking and opened the door to a vast array of translatory possibilities. Things were no longer one-for-one (nor had they ever been, but before this, it was merely an academic matter, shadows on a distant wall).

Granted, I’ve never translated a prose text into a poem, but then again, I’m not a poet. Poets have an easier time going crazy with translations, I think. The older generations didn’t even bother learning the source language. That’s probably taking things too far. But if Quine is right, then it doesn’t matter either way, I guess. Is Quine right? Who the hell would have a special word for “rabbitness instantiated”?

Autobiography of Red: Another book of poetry, another liberal interpretation of an earlier work. Turning and turning in the widening gyre, etc.

I’ll come out and say it: This book made me cry. I straight up teared up. I bet it made other people cry too. If you say you read Autobiography of Red and didn’t cry, I’m going to assume that you’re lying. Or that your literary sensibilities are far more refined than mine. Probably that second one. (Putting aside the fact that it’s hard to get more refined than Anne Carson, but rationality rarely enters my autoevaluative equations.)

Why did I cry? For all the normal reasons. Even when we identify with them, tragic characters will always be way cooler than we could ever dream of ourselves.

In the House upon the Dirt between the Lake and the Woods: I’m including this book here specifically because it did not impact me the way I thought it would. While reading it, I often felt tired, like I was running a surrealist marathon (especially once the narrator stopped transforming into a cephalopod). I can’t begrudge Matt Bell’s style; he does some interesting things with his prose. I get the feeling that he’s an ace when it comes to unreliable narrators. But things have to come to a close at some point, and so many times I thought I was finally reaching some sort of conclusion, only to discover that, nope!, we were just going a layer deeper, into the house, or the protagonist’s psyche, or the married couple’s past. So, even though this book was kind of a let-down, I still talk about it, because every condition contains the seeds of its opposite nature, and I’ve read Hegel too, Sam. Maybe Cataclysm Baby is better.

The Pillow Book: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention to book to which I am indebted for the form in which I wrote this whole shindig. I admire the way Sei Shōnagon writes about whatever seems to capture her fancy at any given moment. It’s incredibly intimate (and with reason: we’re essentially reading her diary. Why do people think it’s okay to publish others’ private writings? What would Anne Frank say if she knew her personal thoughts during a time of great trauma were now required reading for middle school students?). Her poetry is beautiful, yes, but it’s the lists that get me. They’re just lists of things, a show about nothing. But they convey so much about her, about her compatriots, about courtly life in Heian Japan. Last semester my students weren’t huge fans of this text; they preferred the Tale of Genji. They found the Pillow Book “too hard to follow.” I think maybe they just didn’t like how long the selection in the anthology was. But then again, judging by their research papers, many of them had no problem reading the New Testament Gospels (even if they had no idea how to write about said Gospels--it turns out, coming as a surprise to no one, that devout undergrounds have no fucking clue how to do Biblical exegesis). So here I am, taking up the one-woman literary tradition of a courtier who lived over a thousand years ago, for no reason in particular beyond a habitual shrug and a muttered “just because I felt like it.”

A Google search reveals that TV Tropes has an article on the Pillow Book. According to the anonymous author or authors of the page, Sei is an example of the “Alpha Bitch” trope. So, that’s enough of that web adventure.

Post-Scriptum: Reading over what I’ve written so far, it would be tempting to ask (like the rote commentator of any list on the internet), “Are these really the only books that have impacted you? What about The Dew Breaker? What about If on a winter’s night a traveler? What about Horror Recognition Guide?” That’s all well and good; plenty of other books have certainly stirred something inside me. The practical answer is one of laziness: I’ve written what I felt like writing about, and now I’m done. Or maybe, if I didn’t mention some book, then I didn’t inspire me as much as you might think it did. Or, I only wanted to include one book by any given author (with one obvious, but pre-eminent, exception).

Incidentally this entire exercise also borrows heavily from not just the Pillow Book but also Not One Day: Anne Garréta ends her confessional narrative with a P-S that’s essentially an apology and a shrug. Which is what I’m doing here, explicitly so.  

Okay, I think I’m done.