#I hope this makes u happier about math?

[janitorhutcherson]

Marked Only for Me (Olderbf!Mike Schmidt NSFW)

hii!! okay, i have never written smut before, so i am begging you all to plz be patient with me! this is very long, so my apologies.this is a part of my olderbf!mike series, so hope u guys likeee. also, for this let's make the assumption mike went to college and all of that before his security jobs. he just had burn out and was there, hence why he's working for a major company with what would be little experience. anyways, lmk what u think!

summary: mike comes home and needs to blow off some steam

warnings: nudity, sex, name calling, hair pulling, choking, marking, possessiveness, an implied free use situation, fluff at the end!!

word count: 2,925

nsfw after the cut!!

You were sitting at the kitchen table doing homework in the home you shared with your boyfriend, Mike. You're 20, a couple of years into college, drudging through math problems that make your head feel like it's sitting inside a frying pan. You had to admit this wasn't your ideal way to relax after a 10-hour shift at the bookstore you helped run. Things had been hectic with Black Friday, your store doing a special sale where everything was 50% off, and bookworms were coming out of random corners to fill their already overflowing shelves for cheap. Of course, being younger, you were the one who had to do the grunt work, carrying piles of books to and from inventory, dealing with the more demanding customers as your older coworkers would tell you that they "just couldn't handle kids these days" and that it'd certainly be better for the younger one to do it. Luckily, though, Abby was at a friend's house, meaning you didn't have distractions. You were as focused as could be with a cup of coffee beside you, the sunlight that was once beaming through the cracks of the blinds now completely gone. You were focused, your brain functioning as much as it would with the problems. Things were quiet.

...That is until Mike stormed in. He was frustrated, angry, an invisible red-hot aura beaming off him. His hair was messier than it typically was. The softness in his eyes was instead replaced with a cold look. His eyebrows were furrowed together on his forehead, his jaw sharp and defined as he gritted his teeth. Although this wasn't common, it wasn't necessarily rare either. Mike worked for a publishing company as a marketing manager. He'd gotten the job after a few months of hard work to make up for the slack on his resume after working at the mall and the pizzeria. He moved up the ladder quickly, his company admiring his friendly attitude and his somewhat shy but personable behavior. He loved his job much more than his past ones. He felt happier, got more time off, was less stressed, and was definitely safer. Even with that being said, sometimes shit just pissed him off.

Today's big issue was a meeting with his marketing team, which also involved the big guy over his head. He felt like he was criticized, demeaned, dragged through the mud, and all in front of the team he was supposed to be respected by, listened to. On a typical day, this might not have pissed him off so much. He might've mentally plotted the demise of his boss, but he wouldn't have caused the outburst he did at work, and today had been particularly awful. He'd been late, burned his breakfast, knicked himself while shaving, and even gotten into what he considered to be a little fight with you the night before. Even though you'd both settled the argument, made up, and kissed before bed, he had been thinking about it all day. He'd then spilled coffee on his brand new tie, leaving a stain, and then... that happened. Mike snapped. He yelled at his boss, showing his ass in front of everyone, causing a meeting in his boss's office to end with an inevitable write-up. 

Now, he was home, trudging in all his bad energy, disrupting your study time. You couldn't even be frustrated with him, his demeanor proving he'd obviously had a bad day. You went to stand up to greet him with a hug, a kiss or two, but before you could, Mike stormed over to you, grabbing your arm harshly. You gasped, slightly thrown off by his sudden actions. He pulled you closer to him, his eyes locked on yours and his breath heavy against your neck.

"What the fuck, Mike?" you said, your eyebrows furrowed as you stared into his cold brown-green orbs.

"Listen to me," he grunted, his voice low and gravely. "I have had a very, very bad day, and I need you to be a good girl for me, okay? I don't want no shit, no back talk, you'll listen to what I say.. do you understand?" 

His hand still gripped your arm, his fingernails digging into your skin. You could feel yourself starting to drip, your panties feeling damp against your skin as your body buzzed with excitement. All you could do was nod your head, your eyes locked on his as they clouded over with lust. Mike snapped his fingers in your face, looking at you from underneath his eyebrows. 

"Use your words," he demanded. 

"Yes sir, I understand," you stuttered out, your cheeks flushing red. Mike's face was now pleased, his entire demeanor softening a little. His hand stayed wrapped around your arm as he tugged you into the living room, pushing you roughly onto the couch. You huffed from the impact, your eyes widening as Mike dropped to his knees before you. He slid your sweatpants off, prying your knees open to reveal your see-through pink panties soaked beyond belief. His eyes were hungry, his mouth open, almost drooling as he looked directly into your eyes. 

"All for me, babydoll?" he teased, his hand sliding in between your legs as he drew small circles around your clothed clit. You nodded your head as a whimper escaped your lips, the aching in between your legs only growing worse.

"What did I tell you?" he said, his words sharp as he smacked the inside of your thigh.

"Yes sir," you corrected, your words wavering after the impact from his hand. Mike nodded, satisfied with your answer, as he slowly slid your panties down your thighs, wasting no time. You gasped once again as the cold air hit your wet cunt. Mike exhaled sharply, taking a moment to admire you in front of him. His eyes trailed up to your pathetic look, your already-glazed-over eyes, down to your barely clothed chest, only a sports bra covering your breasts he loved so much, then down to in between your legs, where you were so wet, and all just for him. His lips trailed up to your tummy, sucking on the skin in different areas, from above your abdomen all the way up to right below where your sports bra stayed, purple marks forming.

He then dove in without hesitation, his large hands gripping your sides as he leaned in, moving one hand to take his index and middle finger to spread your pussy lips. His mouth instantly attached to your clit. You yelped as you bucked your hips forward, his lips meeting the sensitive area. Mike pinched your thigh, a sign to quiet down until he said to do otherwise, two of his fingers reaching out to be shoved into your mouth.

“Suck,” he demanded, his fingers going as far back down your throat as they could. You did what you were told, sucking on his fingers and drawing your own circles with your tongue. His tongue drew tiny and slow circles against the set of nerves, your hands reaching down to tangle in his hair from desperation. God, he loved eating you out. The way you yelped, quivered, shook underneath him, your hands tangled in his hair to keep yourself from going over the edge. He fucking loved it, you were the perfect cure to his anger, calming, something he could take it out on in a productive way that made everyone feel good. Your whines were suppressed as you bit your lip, your teeth digging into the softer skin. Mike pulled away for a moment, his eyes locking with yours once again as he admired your face, your now swollen lips.

“You know what, baby? Be as loud as you want for me now, princess,” he mumbled, going back to attacking your wet cunt. Slurping sounds filled the living room mixed with your moans and whimpers as his tongue slid up and down your slit, his lips wrapping around your clit to suck as hard as possible when his tongue wasn’t fucking inside of you. He moaned against you, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine. His cock was rock hard inside of his work pants, his own face flustered as he rocked back and forth against himself. His tongue continued to lap at your clit as he slid two of his large fingers in and out of you, your walls clenching around them. You could feel yourself drawing close and Mike could tell. Your thighs attempted to clench around his head, but before they could his calloused hands pried them open, holding them apart. Just as your eyes began to clamp shut, your thighs shaking as the knot in your stomach started to untie, Mike pulled away. You gasped as he slipped his fingers out, furrowing your eyebrows as you stared at him with an angry glare. He chuckled as he stood up, raising his eyebrows up and down as he leaned down, his hand lifting your chin up.

“Poor baby, was all ready to finish for me, hm? You were gonna be ‘Mikey’s little slut,’ weren’t you? That’s what you tell me you are, right? My little slut?” he teased, no remorse behind his eyes. You huffed, punching his arm before crossing your arm, too out of it to say anything from the knot that remained in your stomach but too angry to take initiative.

“Awh, don’t be mad, princess,” he snickered, shaking his head as he leaned further down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “You really think I’m done with you?”

With that being said, Mike pushing you back on the couch. His right hand held you down as his lift struggled to unbutton his pants. He pulled his pants down, letting them fall around his ankles as he yanked his boxers off, his cock springing out. He stepped out of them, letting you go for a moment to unbutton his shirt before tossing it off as well. Mike then looked over to you, leaning forward, ripping your thin sports bra off of your chest, your breasts now exposed to him. He licked his lips, excitement overflowing his body. He crawled on top of you, attempting to make the two of you fit on the couch. His mouth attacked your nipples, biting and gnawing at your skin. His mouth moved up to your neck, sucking and prodding and biting until purple marks were left all around, ones you were all too aware would be impossible to hide later on. He moved down to your chest once again, marks all across your collarbone, your tits. Mike’s hands gripped onto your neck as he sat up, looking into your glossed over eyes. He pressed his lips to your ear, a soft kiss against your earlobe.

“’M about to fuck you so hard you see stars,” he said, his voice causing prickles to cover your skin. Then, without hesitation Mike slammed into you, his pace staggered. Your moans were as loud as could be, the sound of skin hitting against each other and the echoes of both of your voices filling the living room. His thrusts were sloppy as he felt himself starting to get close to the edge, his hands pushing your hips down and into the couch. Your entire body sunk into the cushions as he used everything in him, his cock abusing your poor cunt. You swore you saw stars until you felt his hand gently smack against your cheek, your eyes averting back to his gaze.

“You’re gonna look at me when I fuck you, princess,” he growled, his hand sliding up to your hair as he tugged. You grew close, clenching around his length, your thighs starting to shake. Your core was threatening to come undone.

“Fuck, Mikey, baby, I’m gonna fucking cum,” you whimpered out, closing your eyes as your head leaned back against the side of the couch.

“Cum for me, baby,” Mike stated. You did as he demanded, finishing around his cock as your liquids gushed against him. His thrusts grew sloppier before he pulled out, pressing a kiss to your lips.

“You’re such a good girl, you know that baby? You did so good for me, listening to what I said, letting me use your pretty cunt,” he stated, his thumb caressing your cheek. He then resituated, pulling you off the couch, pushing you onto the ground. You were now in the same position he was in earlier, completely fucked out. Your lips were dull from exhaustion, your cheeks red and your hair knotted in certain areas. Mike’s cock was directly in front of you, his hand guiding for you to suck on him. Your lips wrapped around his tip, the tip of your tongue licking his slit. You worked your mouth down his length, licking the sides. Mike’s moans became frantic, desperate as your mouth worked its magic. His hand tangled in your hair as he pushed your head up and down, thrusting up into your mouth.

“That’s it, baby, feels so good,” he grunted. With no warning, Mike pulled out, spilling his load all over your face. He twitched, his moans loud and low, your tongue stuck out to catch his cum. His body laid against the couch, feeling heavy as his head leaned against the back of his couch. A tired grin was on his lips as you also smiled up at him, licking yourself clean. Mike looked down at you, a chuckle releasing his lips. It was obvious all of the tension and anger was gone, as his once cold eyes were once again the soft loving brown they used to be. He looked at you with adoration, always amused by how gorgeous you were even after rigorous activity and getting your face painted.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, picking you up bridal style as he leaned down to kiss you, not caring about his own load that was now on his face. He sat you down on the bathroom counter, grabbing a washcloth out of the cabinet, running it under warm water. He started to wipe away all of the liquids covering your face, pressing kisses to your skin here and there, looking your body up and down as he admired all of the marks he left.

“You always know how to make me feel good and how to take care of me after,” you croaked out, your voice laced with exhaustion as you smiled. Mike smiled back at you, his hand tenderly touching your cheek before pushing your hair behind your ear.

“I love you, of course I want to make sure ‘m taking care of you,” he said softly. His lips once again pressed against yours. “Thank you for letting me… you know.. blow off some steam,” he said, wiggling his brows.

“Of course, honey. I was worried, though. Is everything okay? Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, leaning forward as you slid off of the counter, grabbing a new washcloth and beginning to wipe his face with it as well. Mike sighed, shaking his head as he looked at her with sad eyes.

“I just- I got into it pretty badly with my boss at work and got criticized, I felt like a wounded animal, like I had to fight. I’m so used to having to fight that I don’t know how to shut up and listen,” he mumbled. “It was so bad, Y/N, and I got written up after that awful day I had this morning… I just.. I don’t know. I do know I feel better now, and would feel even better if we cuddled for a bit and then went out for food?” he suggested, spilling his thoughts to you. You giggled, nodding your head as you reached up to press a kiss to him. You dragged him into your shared bedroom, the two of you cuddling up together under the blankets. You turned to your side, your eyes locked with his.

“I love you, Mike, so much. And I’m so, so unbelievably proud of you. Thank you, for always making me feel good too, for taking care of me, for being such a good brother to Abby, just… thank you,” you said softly. Mike looked back at you lovingly, his appreciation for you apparent.

“I love you, princess, you don’t even know how much,” he mumbled. His eyes were heavy. He leaned over and set an alarm for an hour from now, the two of you planning on a night of dinner out and grocery shopping. He curled his arm around you lazily, your body limp and exhausted against his as you yawned.

“Oh, and baby?” he asked. You hummed, lifting your head to meet his eyes. “Wear a crop top when we go out, I want everyone to see you all marked up.” You giggled as you laid your head down, drifting off to sleep.

When you two went out, you did just that, wearing a cropped scoop neck shirt with a low-rise flowy skirt. He showed off any marks you’d left, too, your possessive boyfriend holding you close anytime someone’s eyes linger too long. Mike was strange, possessive, and sometimes a little of what most would say was unsettling, but to you, he was the love of your life, the man who made you feel good, the one who fucked you until you couldn’t think. You loved him, and you always would, blessing you with a lifelong supply of angry sex and aftercare cuddles.

[man2saeipromiseyou]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉🎂🍾🎉

TO @jhopeg MY FRIEND MY ROOMMATE (UNFORTUNATELY) MY FELLOW TRASH

I was gonna type ur name and expose u to the whole wide world but then i realized that was probably not the best idea. But yeah, I keep saying it’s the thought that counts not the cost so here is my gift of thought :))))

I finally finished that fan fic you requested like 80 years ago and i thought i was never going to actually finish. During camp nanowrimo too so feel blessed and happy that you were worth the headache and losing sleep over.

ALSO this was kinda written in a rush so maybe it sucks but i did my best. I hope you like it and HAPPY 20s UR OLD NOW

        “…see him? Yeah, Taehyung…”

    Jungkook’s ears perked up at those words. Usually he wasn’t one to keep up with the gossip around the school, but it was a new school year and even he had been hearing that name a little too much.

    So he peered over the corner the girls had just turned, curious about the man behind all this fuss.

    It wasn’t difficult to tell who the girls had been whispering about. The boy had a natural confidence that set him apart from the crowd immediately. On top of that, there was a circle of people around him, many of them famous enough around the school that even Jungkook recognized them. He wasn’t that good-looking, as far as Jungkook could tell. Soft brown hair with bangs that fell just shy of his eyes, which turned into crescents as he laughed; a curved jawline, all the angles of his face curated into something a little smoother, softer; simple clothes that fit his body so well they still managed to look stylish… Judging from the way he rose above the crowd of girls around him, he was probably as tall as Jungkook.

    Okay, maybe he was a little cute, Jungkook thought as he studied the boy.

    But then the boy started gesturing and doing a weird dance with one of the other boys there, making an ugly face as everyone else cheered and laughed, their voices booming across the halls, louder than anyone else. Jungkook clicked his tongue. He’d judged too soon.

    He was about to turn away when the boy called Taehyung looked up and caught his eye. There was a brief moment as their eyes met when Taehyung stopped what he was doing and smiled shyly, half-embarrassed, half inviting Jungkook to join them. There was an even briefer moment when Jungkook considered it.

    But they were not his type of people. So he turned and walked away without a second glance, thoughts about the boy already being wiped away by his plans for the day. What he needed to do for his classes; the homework and responsibilities that were already starting to pile up; how much he was looking forward to leading the math team this year, now that the seniors had left the position open… He was determined that this would be a good year.

     ***

    Jungkook hadn’t been expecting to see the boy again. Not so soon, not in this context.

    But there Taehyung was, sitting at the front of the classroom for the first math club meeting, a pair of black-rimmed glasses on, a pencil in his hands and scratch paper laid out in front of him.  He glanced over as Jungkook entered the room and grinned widely. “Hi!”

    For half a second Jungkook couldn’t quite speak. Taehyung looked so eager to be here that it stirred up something bright and enthusiastic within him as well. He’d been a little nervous coming here, wondering if he would get chosen as the leader this year, but now he was excited.

    “Hi!” He replied, hearing Taehyung’s eagerness mirrored back in his own voice, and slightly embarrassed by it. “I’m Jungkook.”

    “Taehyung! I saw you this morning, but you looked busy, so I asked around and they told me I would find you here.”

    Jungkook’s heart jumped all the way up to his throat, blocking his airway. He couldn’t speak.

    Until the boy smiled, tilting his head up as his nose scrunched together cutely. “Heh heh. Just kidding. I love math, and I’m pretty good at it. You were just a pleasant surprise.”

    Okay, so the popular kid wasn’t following him around school. That was a relief. But Jungkook still wasn’t sure what to say, so he just smiled and ducked his head politely before taking a seat two rows down. He could feel Taehyung’s gaze on him as he sat down, and he did his best to avoid eye contact.

    God, he was so damn awkward.

    But all thoughts of his awkwardness dissipated when the teacher entered the classroom. “Okay, guys, today is the big day. We’re choosing our team leader for this year. I trust you’ve all been gearing up for this moment?” He glanced up at them through his glasses, looking anything but geared up.

    Jungkook, on the other hand, was coursing with adrenaline. He’d been eyeing the position since the day he joined, and he was sure he would get it this time. It wasn’t really a big deal to anyone else, but this was the one thing he was good at. And now was the time to prove it.

    The 3 pages of problems were passed down. And…start!

    Jungkook’s eyes flew across the page, the solution already half-formed in his head before he finished reading the first question. He felt the usual sense of satisfaction as the numbers and equations blossomed under his pencil, neat and balanced and beautiful.

    He finished all the questions with 10 minutes to spare, and he spent all of that time checking back on every detail, re-verifying every question. They were all correct; he was sure of it.

    When he finally looked up from the paper, Jungkook was unnerved to find a languid pair of eyes staring straight into his. Taehyung.

    Jungkook glanced quickly away, scowling. Taehyung’s paper was flung carelessly to the side, as if he hadn’t even bothered to look at it. Perhaps he’d had a little too much faith in the boy’s claim that he loved math. Of course it wasn’t true. How could someone like him care about something as academic as this? He was just here to make a show of himself, as if that would impress anyone.

    Even if his gaze made Jungkook feel like part of him had just fell down Alice’s rabbit hole.

    Time was up. The teacher collected their papers.

    He laid them out side by side, eyes flitting across the table as he marked each answer with a circle or a cross. Then he looked up. Smiled.

    “As expected.” He sighed, seeming almost disappointed at the lack of surprise. Jungkook closed his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. He was so close. The teacher knew he was the best in the club. It had never been a question. He just had to hear his name—

    “The team leader this year will be Kim Taehyung!”

    Jungkook didn’t hear any of the students’ clapping or Taehyung’s ridiculous cheers. He didn’t see him jump to the front and do a little victory dance as everyone else laughed and shouted back in excitement. He didn’t remember what happened during the rest of that meeting before it all ended and everyone stood up to leave, and then somehow he and Taehyung were the only ones left in the room.

    He just remembered the smirk on Taehyung’s face and his low chuckle—the way his eyes narrowed into half moons as he broke into a smile—right before Jungkook pushed him up against the wall.

    Taehyung’s eyes widened in shock, but his protest was surprisingly weak. There wasn’t much resolve in the way he grasped on to Jungkook’s arm, and he all but melted against the wall. “What’s wrong?”

    There was a pause, in which Jungkook registered, only in retrospect, what he had done. Every muscle in Jungkook’s body stiffened as he realized how close they were. He’d expected more resistance. But he didn’t know why he had done it. He didn’t know what he wanted to say.

    “How did…how did you get team leader?”

    That wasn’t the right question. In fact, it was a really stupid question. Taehyung got team leader because he’d earned it, and Jungkook didn’t. Was Jungkook just doing this because he was jealous?

    “I’m a scholarship student from SM.” Taehyung said, eyes wide and unguarded. “I think everyone pretty much expected me to take the role when I got here.”

    SM was one of the most academically selective high schools there was in the state. No wonder Taehyung had looked so bored during the test. The questions were probably way too easy for him. But if he was so good at studying, then why had he transferred here? Jungkook knew he should back down at this point, but some innate pride compelled him onwards.

    “I will take the position from you.” He stated as if it were fact instead of fantasy. “I don’t know why you came here or how you were blessed with both brains and looks and a winning personality, but trust me, if there is one thing I always win at, it’s stubbornness. And competitiveness. And you’ve triggered it at the worst time.”

    He hadn’t expected Taehyung to smile, and was so caught off guard when he did that he stumbled back, letting go of his hold on Taehyung. But Taehyung stayed where he was, leaning against the wall leisurely with a pleased expression on his face.

    “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you just complimented me on all the most defining qualities of a human being. Does this mean you would be willing to go out with me?”

    Jungkook blinked and flushed bright red at this outrageous turn of events. A high-pitched “What?!” was all he managed to splutter out in his alarm.

    Taehyung nodded with satisfaction. “Looks like that’s a yes.” And then he pushed himself off the wall, collecting his things with a small wave at Jungkook before he left the room. “I’ll text you.” He said, without looking back to see Jungkook slowly sit himself down on one of the chairs and nearly miss it by a whole inch. Fortunately, Jungkook caught himself before he fell flat on the floor. “I already got your number from the teacher. He was pretty excited to see the two top students hitting it off right away.”

***

Unknown number:

-HI ITS TAEHYUNG

-WE SHOULD HAVE DINNER TMR

-I CAN TUTOR U IN MATH

Jungkook:

-…no

Guy I Need to Beat:

-WHY NOT

Jungkook:

-I don’t need you to tutor me in math.

Guy I Need to Beat:

-WHY NOT

Jungkook:

-Because I don’t want your help.

Guy I Need to Beat:

-WHY NOT

Jungkook:

-Omg stop asking that

-Also please stop typing in caps.

Guy I Need to Beat:

-okay let’s just eat dinner then :D

-how do u feel about pizza and chicken

-i’ve been craving pizza and chicken

-ever since i ate it last night

-okay it’s a date

-cya in school tmr!

-meet me at the front gate at 5

-✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* \(◕ヮ◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Jungkook:

-Wait, I have work to do tomorrow.

-Can we do this some other time?

Jungkook:

-Taehyung?

***

    Jungkook arrived at school the next day with a headache. What was he going to do about Taehyung? He didn’t know what to say to him or how to get himself out of this situation. The entire day he kept seeing Taehyung in the hallways, always surrounded by people, always at the center of everyone’s attention. He couldn’t comprehend why someone like Taehyung would be interested in someone like him. It just didn’t make any sense.

    But the layers of people around Taehyung didn’t help Jungkook with his dilemma. There was no opportunity to talk to Taehyung before the school day ended. Jungkook considered texting him, but thought better of it. Texting was how he’d got himself into this mess in the first place.

    He wasn’t even supposed to be wasting so much effort on something as ridiculous as this. There were so many more important things he still wanted to do. The science fair was coming up. The first school debate. He had orchestra practice tomorrow and he hadn’t touched his violin in ages. It was also his junior year, and he had college to think about. This wasn’t the time to get himself involved in something as time-consuming as a relationship.

    Incidentally, despite all his worrying, it never occurred to Jungkook to protest Taehyung himself. There was no issue of whether or not he wanted to go, only whether or not he should.

    And then it was 5, and Jungkook had no way to get out of the dinner date. So he waited quietly by the gate as students began to file out, excited that they had gotten through another day of school. Again, it never occurred to him to simply ignore Taehyung’s proposal and leave.

    When Taehyung appeared, he was blessedly—finally—alone. His face lit up when he saw Jungkook, and he did a little hop as he waved.

    “I haven’t seen you all day,” was the first thing he said when they were close enough to talk. There was a flush of red along his cheekbones, as if this were slightly embarrassing to admit. “I kept looking for you but you weren’t there.”

    Obviously, that was a lie. Jungkook thought to himself, he’d been loitering around Taehyung and his crowd all day, trying to find a break to tell him…what was it again?

    “I never agreed to this dinner.” But even this objection didn’t sound very confident. What was he doing?

    Taehyung swung an arm over Jungkook’s shoulders, chuckling in the shameless way that he did. “You didn’t say no either. Besides, I already prepared a bunch of math questions for us to do.”

    “Math questions?! I thought I told you I didn’t want you to tutor me!”

    “I won’t tutor you! We’ll just do math together. You know, it’ll be fun.”

    Jungkook was surprised to find that he had no words to disagree. So he kept quiet.

    And that was about how it went for the rest of the night. Taehyung bright and happy with his non-stop chattering, Jungkook shy and reserved but also, somehow, happy. The chicken and pizza were delicious, and Jungkook actually learned a lot just going through the problems with Taehyung. 

    And it was fun. Endlessly amusing when Taehyung kept forgetting the same given condition in the question itself, when one of them miscalculated or did something equally as stupid, when they got through a question at twice their usual speed because their ideas matched and built on each other like puzzle pieces, and it was so much easier to see the whole picture when they put their heads together.

    Jungkook had never even imagined that such a solitary quest as a math problem could be a shared experience between to people. It was so easy to work with Taehyung because he could understand what Jungkook was saying before he even worked out how to say it himself. It was like sparks of electricity flowing between them, so powerful that he didn’t even notice how close they had been sitting until he turned his head and found himself nose to nose with Taehyung. Who was smirking. Who had one hand resting on his knee and the other grabbing his shoulder, holding him there. Whose breath smelled like the same chicken Jungkook had been eating when he spoke.

    “Can we do this again? It’s a lot more fun than I expected. I actually just invited you over because you’re cute and I kind of enjoy messing with you. But…of course, if you’re busy…” Taehyung trailed off, biting his lip in uncertainty.

    It was that moment, the first time Taehyung had shown hesitation in front of him, probably even in front of anyone at their school, that drove every single strain of conscious thought out of  Jungkook’s mind. He leaned in closer—found the space between them smaller than he had anticipated—and felt one pair of lips press against the other.

    They were definitely going to do this again.

 ***

Guy I Need to Beat:

-i’m picking you up for school tmr!

-don’t leave ur house until i get there

-i’m serious

-STAY IN UR ROOM UNTIL I CAN BURST IN AND SWEEP YOU OFF THE BED

Jungkook:

-Omg please do not

-Why are you picking me up for school?

-My house is in the opposite direction.

-It’s completely unnecessary.

Taehyung ♡:

-I JUST WANT TO SEE UR ROOM

-ACTUALLY NVM I’LL JUST GO OVER NOW

Jungkook:

-no

-wait actually?

-TAEHYUNG NO

-IT’S 1AM    

-omg ur not replying

-Please don’t tell me that’s you knocking on the door.

    Jungkook ran down the stairs in horror to find his very confused and very sleepy father opening the door to the grinning idiot who actually did come knocking at his door in the middle of the night. After their first date. After they just met.

    But Jungkook couldn’t help the smile climbing onto his face. He’d been right. This was going to be a great year.

[astra-nomy]

hellooo astra it’s 🦦

i hope your finals went well i bet you absolutely smashed them.

i have an issue and i’d like your advice. i’ve been close to the void state multiple times and i’m very sure the next time i intend to go into the void i’ll do it, but i just can’t seem to do it…as in idk if i’m scared or tired but i haven’t paid any attention to the law of assumption or manifesting any of my desires (yet i still sometimes worry about the old story on a daily basis lol). it’s nice finally being at the end of a 6 year journey so why am i hesitant?? it’ll solve so many problems and i’ll be happier on a daily basis so why have i just paused. idk if this is normal or if i’m lazy…love u tho <3

Hey 🦦! First of all, I do not think you're lazy - manifesting is supposed to be natural. It's not something that requires a certain amount of work to achieve. I love your "end of journey" mindset, that's really helpful because you can look at how far you've come and see all the goodness that's ahead of you and ah!! it feels so nice!! I think your void situation is something that a lot of people struggle with - I know I have. I've still never been to the void because I put it on a pedestal and I'm working through that currently. Maybe affirm to yourself that any fears or worries or tiredness do not hinder your ability to go into the void because you are waaaaay more powerful than that. Also, I would say to try to not think about going into the void until you are right about to do it. Before I shifted, I would think all day about shifting and Will I finally do it? Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. And I would psych myself up for it so badly that I was forming assumptions before I even started my attempt. Don't doom yourself to thinking a negative outcome into existence. Leave it alone until you try. If it comes up, just say to yourself, "I'm going to go to the void tonight." and leave it at that. Nothing else needs to be said until you are actually attempting it.

Another thing: try something else! The void will always be there, so in the meantime, feel free to explore. You 100% do not need any method to manifest your desires, but sometimes I like to look up/create fun methods that I enjoy doing! I find that doing a method I enjoy helps my desires come way faster, so instead of affirming in worry and being like "i have my desired face i have it i have it do i have it yet? let me check the mirror ok no i don't i need to affirm more okay i have my desired face..." didn't do much, so instead I would get out of bed and start putting on outfits that make me feel confident, and I would think about how I look with them on, all while picturing myself with my desired face and feeling myself having it. I'd shift into that mindset by having a fun little fashion show as if I already had everything I wanted. It was like those little math sheets we used to do as kids where they'd make math into a game? You'd forget about "do i know how to solve this problem" and just think "omg games!!" and before you know it you're doing math. Find something you enjoy doing, something that builds up your confidence, and then revisit the void. Or you can do something to make the void fun! It's truly whatever motivates you and keeps you at ease while manifesting.

You do not have to do as I say by any means if you don't want to, this is just what I think would be helpful in your situation. Thanks for sending an ask love!! Manifesting aside, how are you? I hope your finals went well and your summer is going splendidly! Much love <3

[givemethatgold]

Fix’er Upper Pt 2

Pairing: Eventual Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader

Length: 1.5k words

Warnings: Too many commas, some extra ‘u’s in words as I’m Canadian..., not enough time spent world building. Hope y’all got an imagination.

Notes: They meet! They meet!  (Tags at the end.)

PART ONE

The morning sun saw Frankie already awake and amidst his trees. He knew that most people thought him stubborn by wanting to run his little orchard himself. He had heard the whispers, seen the side glances, the quirked eyebrows. The odd reputation he was gaining was worth the solitude and peace he had found.

The reputation of Town Recluse was better than That Ex-Cokehead Murderer. A small part of his brain knew that he was being too hard on himself but a larger part was convinced he deserved it. 

So, he worked his penance here. Frankie nursed the trees back to fruition, his sweat and blood sacrificed to bring forth life; refusing to use pesticides or any form of agent that might harm another living thing. Deer, rabbits, mice, and bugs were the bane of a harvester’s business but Frank had decided to find joy in their presence. If he didn’t have to see another death until his own, that would still be too soon.

It had taken him three years to get anything more than a few barrels of apples. Most asked why he didn’t just cut them all down and start anew. They didn’t understand, hell he barely did, but in his soul, Frankie knew he needed to prove that he could do good. He had made his own baskets, built sheds, mended fences, and slowly built the business and a small loft for himself in the old barn.

Looking down the rows and rows of trees, Frankie was starting to get the feeling he might need help this harvest season. It wasn’t easy for him to acknowledge this but if he didn’t get at least one helping hand, more than a few bin-fulls would go to waste. Frankie decided he would put up a flyer on the notice board the next time he went to town and pray that only quiet people would apply.

The trees were his pride and joy. A variety that had been lost and forgotten until he had bought the aging orchard and a man named Tom Brown had come along asking about the fruit.

He felt at peace when he worked as it let his mind focus on the job at hand and was tired enough to slip into a deep slumber at night. Previously plagued by nightmares, long days of pruning, fixing, or working in the mill proved the cure for a dreamless sleep.

“I’m sorry, how much did you say the total was?” you asked while rapidly trying to do some math in your head. If you purchased everything you needed at the hardware store that would only leave you forty-seven dollars left in this week’s budget. And it was only Monday. “Ermm, on second thought, I don’t know if I really need the plaster and trowel just yet. I’ll just take the drywall and screws, please.”

Leaving the store, head down, you were feeling like such an ass you didn’t even notice the two older ladies watching your exit and whispering madly to each other. The owner of Hank’s Hardware, whose name was oddly Allan, kindly helped you pile the drywall into your truck box. You were too busy with the tie-downs to notice him join in on the developing whispered plot.

Unable to resist, you purchased a bouquet of sunflowers. They were your favourite and, once you mentioned that you were new in town, the sweet older gentleman selling them gave you an extra bunch for free. The bright flowers lightened your heart enough to almost, almost, make you forget your even lighter wallet. 

The laden-down truck was nearly out of town when you spotted an open-air market down a side street. It had a surprising number of booths set up and looked so welcoming that you couldn’t resist.

Slowly walking between the stalls, you smiled at each vendor and complimented their handiwork. A few you recognized and thanked for the delicious foods they had brought by when you had first moved in.

You wished you could have supported more of the vendors, you respected their ability to create and be confident enough to share their wares. Taking one last look around, your gaze was caught by a familiar logo: it was the same one you had seen scattered across your porch a few weeks ago. ‘Catfish Cider’ in bold script framing a picture of a gnarled old tree. Maybe you should buy some and have Jacquie over for a less depressing girl's night? But could you afford it, even with leaving behind some of the reno items at Hank's?

You didn’t realize how long you had been standing there staring at the display until a voice called out.

“You gonna buy something or just wanted to block off my stand?”

Whipping your head up you noticed the man standing behind the stand for the first time. His face, for the moment, set into a grimace you assumed was due to him being upset at your loitering.

“I dunno,” you fired back, annoyed by his annoyance and too tired to stop yourself from saying a bratty, “is it actually worth the money?” 

His grimace turned into eyebrow-raising shock, the tan skin of his rather attractive face reddening a shade or two with anger.

“Oh, you have such a discerning pallet to know better?”

“I- what? No! I just want to make sure I’m spending my money on something worthwhile.”

“Like flowers?” He challenged, his stance widening and arms crossing across his chest. 

You’d seen that pose too many times in the past; Brad used to tower over you posturing himself just like this asshole at the market. He liked to hover over you menacingly any time you had mustered up your courage to state an opinion or to belittle your ideas. It made you inwardly flinch, making you angry at yourself for still acting like a meek victim, and then, in a show of great maturity, you projected that anger onto the stranger who initiated the exchange.

“Like it’s any of your business!” You cried out in a shrill voice you didn’t even recognize as your own. “But yes, these flowers make me happier than anything else I’ve seen today could.”

“I’ll have you know-” he ground out, jabbing his finger at you.

“Nope!” You interrupted him, “I’m going to stop you right there. I’m done listening to men like you!” 

“Men like me? Men like ME?” He crowed, “Pray tell, what the hell do you know about men like me?”

Had you been acting like a functioning adult you might have realized that your voices were beginning to get noticeably loud. A small crowd around the two of you had stopped what they were doing to listen while also trying to look like there weren’t eavesdropping.

“I know all I need to,” you proclaimed, not quite able to stop the tremble in your voice. “and I’m not going to waste any more of my life listening to one.” With that, you sharply turned and made your way through the suddenly thick crowd of people.

Once the adrenaline from your encounter had worn off, you found yourself crying in your truck and regretting the way you had snapped. The hot guy at the stand might have been a bit brash with you but he hardly deserved you taking out all your inner turmoil on him like that.

Frankie winced again, thinking about how quickly out of hand the conversation had gotten. His remark was supposed to come out light and teasing but he was out of practice talking to people. Pretty people. People who were framed by armfuls of sunflowers, whose skin glowed in the Autumn sun, who had a ready smile for everyone she talked to. 

He had found himself craving one for himself, and when she had stopped at his booth, looking lost in thought, he silently begged for her to look up. Impatient, he just blurted out the first words that came to his head and instantly regretted even trying. His cheeks grew red from embarrassment and Frankie just stood there looking at her blankly, not sure how to salvage the situation.

Before he could open his mouth to apologize though, the woman responded with a retort of her own. While it could have been interpreted as teasing, there had been a fiery glint in her eye that had pushed his pride button. Frankie was suddenly ready to throw down or at least regale her with the accolades of his cider and how it came to be.

What a mess he had made. He had riled up the beautiful stranger to the point her voice had wavered with barely repressed emotion. Not to mention the stir he had caused in front of half the town.

Once the market quieted down and everyone was closing up shop, Greg from the stall next to his, called over, “Know who that was?”

Even though it had been over an hour since the spat, Frankie knew he was referring to the woman with the sunflowers.

“Hopefully just some Leaf Peeper, I’d hate to run into her again.”

“Oooooh I dunno,” mused Greg, “A woman with passion in her blood like that can be a boon to crusty old men like us.”

Frankie noticed the gleam in Greg’s eyes and felt an odd burning in his stomach because of it. It was not jealousy at the unbidden image of Greg and the woman together. Definitely not.

PART THREE

@rebelliouscat @pedro4ever @speakerforthedead0 @yespolkadotkitty @ilikechocolatemilkh @weirdowithnobeardo @pedro-pastel @disgruntledspacedad @a-skov 

[puppy-phum]

got tagged by @hils79 ♥ thank you so much, i adore every tag game that has anything to do with music :’D (and now i’ve also been tagged by @s1utspeare my beloved as well as @ashenlights my dear ♥ apparently am too slow for yall smh)

Rules: spell out your url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your url

so here goes! am trying to pick some songs i have not mentioned before, let’s see how that goes... 

Villain - AleXa (알렉사) x

promoting my girl alexa bc she’s just so cool? am a huge fan of her style even if her music doesn’t always click with me. other option would’ve been oneus’ valkyrie bc the rock version owns my ass

If You’re Hearing This - Hook N Sling, Parson James, Betty Who x

very fitting for summer with these chill and swaying vibes. this song makes me super happy bc there’s a lot of hope in it. it also makes me think about some very mundane soulmate aus where some outsider follows other ppl finding their soulmates in a cafe or library of a tiny book shop or the corner of a museum etc, waiting for their own pair to catch up

Sleepy Hollow - Su Lee x

i’ve been listening to this song for a while now but it still feels relatively new. i love the way things get added to the instrumental the song starts with and then it keeps swelling and swelling. also the lyrics are just amazing 

How Do You Sleep? - Sam Smith x

this song is my happy place. despite the lyrics this is just so funky and i get even happier when i remember the bts stuff i watched for this. sam smith seemed to enjoy the dancing a lot, and it was so lovely to see them so excited bc of how much they’ve grown and changed. love that for them 

Cover Me - Black Math x

my dear kiddo always tells me that my music taste is very soundtrack-y. this song is a proof of that. such haunting, grandiose, movie-like vibes ♥

Odyssey - Talos x

as anyone who’s been following me or has as much as touched binding knows, i’ve fallen hard and deep for talos. their music is just so nice? it’s comforting, mellow, beautiful, emotional. i love the lyrics so much. wild alee is one of my favorite albums i’ve listened to this year, so of course talos needs to be here. 

(another option would’ve been adam lambert’s outlaws of love bc i was absolutely obsessed with this weilan fmv last autumn) 

uhgood - RM x 

even if moonchild is my fave song from mono, uhgood is the song that speaks to me the most. namjoon’s ability to write songs that are relatable in their rawness but very comforting in their interwoven hope is unparalleled. every song on mono feels like a hug. he’s so accepting of the good and the bad and how those two connect. this one felt like a caress to my perfectionist soul.  

Nightmare - Halsey x

this one was harder to choose bc apparently my fave songs tend to begin with an n :’D other options would’ve been no mercy by pvris, never be like you by crywolf and not mine by day6. but i have to go with halsey bc her music has become super important to me. also, nightmare is just Amazing and the mv is even better (it also reminds me of her concert i went to last year before all the covid hassle broke out)

THAT’S A JOKE - NF x

would this be a playlist made by me if it didn’t include at least one nf song? unlikely. this album didn’t speak as much to me as the previous two did but i still have various songs from it on my playlist. this one is a banger. the brutality of nf’s songs hits me every time. (no wonder i associate the songs with liu sang haha)

sorry i cannot make yall a playlist so you have to listen to all of these separately ^^’ i hope you found something worth your while! 

tagging: @i-am-just-a-kiddo @aheartfullofjolllly @wuyus @wuxien @yibobibo @xia-xueyi @manhasetardis @jazthespazz @xiejie-liubo ♥ no pressure, especially for those who have longer urls :’D also i feel like some of you have already been tagged but i’ll tag you again in that case. have a nice day ^^

[bedtimebrain]

EXO D.O. Series: You and Me. (P2)

Genre/Desc: Loosely adapted from A Love So Beautiful

Chr: u x ksoo

——

By the time the third period started, it felt like scales were hanging off your eyes. The very last thing you heard was something about crystalline structures and the next moment you woke up, break time was about to end in 10minutes.

Jolting awake, you jumped out of your seat and made a rush to the canteen to pick something up before the bell rings.

The corridor was crowded as people started to stroll back to their classrooms.

'Excuse me, excuse me...'

You tried to slip through the crowd as fast as possible, and

BAM

Your hands were dripping wet with some sort chocolate drink.

'I'M SO SORRY' You bowed madly to apologise

'Excuse me, look here' the guy started rather gently, you heaved a sigh of relief thinking he sounded like a nice guy

You tilted your head up slowly, and when you guys made eye contact....

'YA, an apology is NOT going to work. Pay up, 50000 won for me to get this cleaned. Clumsy freshmen like you should just go back to middle school!' He gave your shoulder a push

'Wh...what?! Just wash it at home... Why do you need so much money to wash it?' You cowardly asked

People were starting to gather to look at what was happening, but not a single soul looked like they were going to help you.

'Bloody freshmen, pay up!'

Though you were trembling under your skin, you still spluttered out

'NO!You... you... you should go back to middle school for makingafussoutofthis!’

You must have hit his trigger spot, you could see his veins pulsating on his neck as his face turned visibly red.

He pushed you to the wall causing you to wince. From the side of your eye, you saw kyungsoo coming out of the classroom hurriedly

kyungsoo ah!please help me!

You shut your eyes and pleaded so hard hoping he would get the telepathic message as you see the guy stepping closer to you.

Right there and then a flying bag came from the side hitting him right on his head.

You let out the breath you had been holding.

‘Wow, fancy hitting on a freshman literally.'

And felt a fleeting moment of disappointment as you saw your saviour walk over. it wasn’t Kyungsoo

'It's better you stay out of this' the senior warned

'Hmm, i don't think it's better if i stay out. I think it's better if YOU stayed out.' He angled his head, asking the bully to look at the contents that spilled out of his bag.

A taekwondo black belt.

You could see the bully's eyes waver unsure of what to do. As if the timing couldnt have been better, the bell rang.

The crowd broke up and the bully scrambled away.

'Hey are you alright?' the guy asked

'Yes i am! Thank you so much, you're so cool!' Your savior was tall and handsome, his body was a killer for a high school kid. If not for kyungsoo, you would definitely have fallen for him already.

You picked up his things for him quickly and ran back to class. Surprisingly, kyungsoo was still standing by the door

'Gwenchana?' He asked

'Uh, gwenchana!' You smiled brightly at him and returned hastily to your seats

It was math period, also the period that your home room teacher teaches. She came walking in together with another student.

Omo! It’s him! My saviour, from earlier !

He seemed to recognise you and gave you a little wave as he walked in.

Clapping her hands she announced

‘Can I get everyone’s attention please! This is woohyun, he’s a sports student and will be joining our class. Woohyun can you please introduce yourself?’

‘Hi everyone, I’m Park Woohyun, I’m in the Taekwondo youth team. Please help me out with my work when I miss classes for trainings!’

He cheekily introduced himself and you could tell almost every girl in class was smitten by his looks. But for you...

You looked at Kyungsoo dreamily as you blow your fluffy pink bubbles in your mind

‘Go sit at the empty table beside y/n’ your teacher pointed towards you

Woohyun made his way towards the table and greeted you enthusiastically

‘Annyeong Chingu! So you’re y/n?’ He sat down beside you and you were more than happy to have him as your table partner.

‘Ne ne! Let’s get along well!’ He held out a fist bump to you, at which you awkwardly bumped back and giggled.

——

The day was coming up to an end, you and woohyun counted down to the bell with low voices, then exclaiming in whispers

‘YES!’ when the bell finally rang.

Woohyun had asked you to have ice cream after school together, you agreed and told him you would introduce him a new friend too.

While packing up, you called for kyunsoo

‘Kyungsoo ah, let’s go have ice cream together’

But when you looked up, kyungsoo was already walking away to the back of the class, making you panic.

‘Kyungsoo wait for me!!! Woohyun let’s go!’

You hastily shoved everything into your bag and took large strides to reach him fast

‘Kyungsoo ah, why didn’t you wait for meee? We are going home the same way anyway!’

‘But we never did in middle school’ he replied and looked at you blankly

‘Ah...but we’re in the same class now~ I’ll wait for you everyday!

Oh right, woohyun wants to get ice cream together! Woohyunie, this is Kyungsoo’

You introduced them to each other, while woohyun was rather elated Kyungsoo was as usual, abit reserved.

‘Uh, count me out of the ice cream’

‘No way! Come with us!’ Woohyun put his arms around Kyungsoo and forcefully dragged him along.

You laughed as you could tell Kyungsoo really hates skinship with new people.

Whatever it is, you couldn’t be happier that you have a clique with kyungsoo now.

——-

Had a down day at work and decided to get some writes out. Hope my fics would be able to brighten the day of someone that needs it like me too:)

[lvanter]

note: :(( hi :(( i accidentally deleted the first one so :(( repost :(( also like disclaimer i’m not assuming felix’s sexuality schsjs this is pure fiction :] okay hope u enjoy it :] bc i really like it

warnings: coming out, kissing,

wc: 2.9k

years in between. fl

felix is 10 when he first meet you.

chris, felix’s older brother, came home from school later than expected.

another thing that wasn’t expected was you walking into the house with him, holding your backpack tightly. felix was sat at the dinner table with his dad doing some homework.

“chris? you’re home late,” his dad looked up from the work laying on the table. “who’s this?”

chris proudly introduced you as the new kid in his class and his new best friend.

felix’s eyes widened when he looked at you. you had a yellow raincoat on and a pair of worn out black sneakers, and you were slight wet from the rain. chris, on the other hand, was drenched.

“i fell into a puddle,“ chris admitted, his cheeks growing hot. nobody asked, but he knew they were going to.

his father nodded, a smile finding its way onto his lips, “you two should get dry. i’ll get some towels,“

as their father left to get towels, chris gestured for you to take your shoes and jacket off, while he did the same. he walked over to felix and ruffled his hair, “hey, lix,”

“hi,” felix smiled happily at his older brother.

“(name), this is my little brother felix,” chris introduced, his hand on felix’s shoulder

“hi, felix,“

you shot him a smile. a smile that would be engraved into his mind for a very long time.

felix is 12 when he comes to the conclusion that he’s bisexual.

he comes to the conclusion when he imagines kissing lee minho, his neighbor, for the nth time, after having a yet another daydream about how lovely it would be to date yoo jeongyeon, his math tutor.

tears were streaming down his face that night. he was supposed to like girls! and girls only! this could not be happening. he tried to stay quiet as he cried, to no avail. within a few minutes chris was hugging him tightly and running his hand up and down felix’s back to soothe and comfort him.

felix remembers stuttering and stammering what was wrong through the tears running down his face at a rapid speed. he remembers chan pulling him closer and telling him that it was okay and that he was still felix.

“but…” felix sniffled, “but aren’t i supposed to only like girls?”

chris gave him a resecuring and yet sad smile, “you can like whoever you want, lix,”

“really?”

“yeah!” chris gave him another smile, this time happier, “whoever you want! as long as they’re a nice person,“ he teased, pointing a finger at his younger brother.

(name) is a nice person, was the first thought that came to mind, but felix didn’t dare say it out loud, in fear of what chris would say.

chris ended up sleeping in felix’ bed, holding him tight.

the next day felix told his best friends, kim seungmin and han jisung. the pessimistic part of felix was sure they were gonna hate him and never talk to him again. but the response he got was far from that; they ended up cuddling on the couch in seungmin’s living room. seungmin busy wiping felix’ tears away and calming him down, while jisung made a fort and found all their favorite movies.

telling his parents was the hardest and chris knew that, so he made sure he was holding felix’s hand as tightly as he could, to give the younger one more comfort. chris was positive their parents would accept their youngest child’s sexuality.

felix, however, was not. he had made the mistake of telling chris he was fine, and therefore had to sleep alone the night before, leaving room to overthink.

the room got uncomfortably hot for felix, as soon as their parents sat down at the dining table, like he had asked them to.

“mom, dad,” felix began, tightening his grip on chris’ hand. “i’m...” he gulped, “i’m...”

felix closed his eyes forcefully. the words ‘i can’t’ repeated in his head, ‘they’re gonna hate me’

“i’m……..” the words kept getting stuck in throat.

“you’re what, sweetheart?” his mom asked, in the tone she usually had when she spoke to her youngest child.

“i’m bi,” he whispered so lowly only chris heard him.

“what?” it was their dads turn to speak, “felix, you know how we feel about mumbling,”

chris leaned closer to felix so he could whisper into his ear, “do you want me to say it?”

felix nodded without saying anything.

chris took a deep breath before speaking,“felix is bisexual,”

the silence that fell over the room made felix want to hide away and cry. he closed his eyes, not wanting to see his parents disgusted faces (and to stop the tears, that were threatening to fall). before he could stop himself the tears began to fall. the words ‘they hate me’ repeated themselves over and over again in his head.

he felt someone wipe his tears away. at first he thought i was chris, but the hands felt rougher. dad?

felix opened his his eyes, and through the tears he could make out his dads kind face.

“it’s okay, felix,” his dad rubbed his back to comfort him (the same way chris had done it when he first found out).

“you…you don’t hate me?” felix managed to get out, tears still falling.

“oh, lixie,” his mom stood up and walked over to the boys, “we could never hate you, okay.” she said, taking her sons hands.

that night felix and chris slept on the couches in the living room (their parent went to sleep in their bed, and didn’t want to wake their sons up), after a long evening of watching felix’ favorite movies and eating take out.

“chris?” felix whispered, twenty minutes after midnight.

“hmm?” chris on hummed in response. he was very close to falling asleep.

“thank you,”

“it’s nothing, lixie, i’ve got you,”

felix cuddle closer into his big brother, and fell asleep quickly. he couldn’t remember the last time he slept that well.

felix is 14 when he’s sure he’s in love with you.

felix didn’t know much about love.

he had never been in love. sure, he’s had crushes (like the ones he had on yoo jeongyeon and lee minho), but they never lasted longer than a few months. the one he’s had on you, however, has lasted for 4 years…but he wasn’t sure if it was love or if he just found you cool and good looking.

he became sure that day a carnival was in town, and his parents had taken him and chris. after trying a bunch of rides and eating very overpriced and unhealthy foods, chris had spotted you and waved you over.

you were with your dads family, felix learned. you had ruffled his hair and given chris the usual hug.

“hi, chrissy,“ you said, hugging your best friend, before ruffling felix’ hair, “hi, lix,“

lix… you only called him lix, never felix, or fefe like jisung did when he wanted to tease him. it made his heart beat faster than it should, and usually left him kinda dizzy.

“h-hi, (name),“ he stuttered, silently cursing at himself afterwards. why did he have to stutter? why couldn’t he talk normally around you?

your dad’s family and their parents had begun to talk, leaving you, chris and felix to go on rides by yourselves. you ended up in a ‘coffee cup ride’, where you sit in a coffee cup and spin around.

felix gulped slightly as he sat down in front you. you gave him a smile, the one that always made his heart pound.

“you nervous?” you asked him.

“on-only a little,”

why did i have to stutter? felix groaned inwardly at himself.

“it’s okay, lix, i am too,”

felix gave you a shy smile and the ride started. felix felt the wind run through his hair, it felt nice. he could barely open his eyes, as the ride continued. he was well aware that he was gonna get dizzier because he closed his eyes, so he forced them open.

the first thing he saw was you. your smile was wide and your eyes curled up, as you held on tight on the table in the middle. you looked so happy and free. felix was sure everything seemed to slow down, as you laughed happily.

the sight was the most beautiful felix had ever seen.

his hands began began to move closer to grab yours unconsciously. before he could realize it he had grabbed it and you had given it a squeeze in return, without looking at him.felix felt himself begin to sweat a little at your touch.

you had held his hand before, but that was when he was a kid and still needed to hold somebody’s hand when he crossed the street.

now he was a grown up….okay, no, he wasn’t, but like every 14 year-old he liked to think he was.

is this what love feels like? he asked himself, as he kept watching you laugh and smile as the ride kept going. his heart was pounding, his cheeks was red and hot, and his stomach was filled with butterflies.

felix didn’t know much about love, but from what he’s read and seen in movies, this is what it feels like.

felix is 16 when he gets his heart broken for the first time.

felix wasn’t hungry, but chris was. and felix being the younger one of the two had been forced to go get the food.

chris had given felix the address to a small chinese restaurant, around 15 minutes away from their home.

felix actually didn’t mind getting the food. he liked going for walks, they cleared his head. his head that was filled with thoughts about you (and maybe the homework he had gotten).

the door to the restaurant dinged quietly as it opened. felix stood and scanned the restaurant for a moment. a family of five sitting, two girls, an old couple, a couple of friends, nothing too exciting. the foods scent got to felix, making his stomach grumble. okay, maybe he was hungry after all.

he went up to the counter, got the food and paid. he was happily on his was out when a guy—a couple of years older than him, if felix were to guess—walked through the door, slightly bumping into felix on the way.

“oh, sorry,” the guy gave felix an apologetic smile, to which felix just gave him a nod and a, “it’s fine,”

felix walked out the door, when his phone vibrated. he pulled it out of his back pocket as he stood outside the restaurant.

from chris: can u get some soda too uwu

felix made a grimace at his brothers use of uwu.

to chris: only if u promise me that ure never gonna say uwu again

from chris: fine :(

from chris: btw do u see (name)??? they should be on a date there right now w their boyfie

felix’s heart sank as he read the text. a date? you were on a date? felix quickly looked into the restaurant, through the big windows. his eyes found you easily. he found you just in time to see you pull the same guy that bumped into felix in for a kiss; the kind of kiss felix wished he could give you.

felix felt sick. while he didn’t have any real hope you liked him, he still wished you did. he tried to tear his eyes away from you, to no avail. you saw him and waved, but the only thing he wanted to do was cry. he waved back unenthusiastically, and gripped the bag with the food tighter. he ran home. felix hated running.

when he got home he threw the bag on the couch beside chris, and went to his room, ignoring chris asking how much he owed.

felix threw himself onto his bed. he had no expectations and was still let down. of course you didn’t like him, he was just your best friends’ younger brother. he tried to distract himself—both from you and his grumbling stomach. it didn’t work all to well.

felix went the bed early that day, hungry and heartbroken.

felix is 18 when he has his first kiss.

it was with hwang hyunjin, his best friend (seungmin left to study in america and jisung malaysia).

felix didn’t feel embarrassed over the fact that he didn’t have it before. if he was being completely honest, he thought it was overrated (and kinda gross).

hyunjin had kissed people before, but it was something that only lasted 5 seconds. he approached felix nervously, asking if said boy could help him get better at kissing only for felix to tell him that he hadn’t even had his first kiss yet.

this shocked hyunjin probably more than it should. felix was very popular with both girls and boys, and had been on plenty of dates throughout his life, so the fact that he have never kissed somebody came as a shock.

“really?”

“yeah,” felix shrugged, laying down on hyunjins bed. he wasn’t sure why hyunjin looked so shocked.

“really?” hyunjins mouth opened and closed resembling a fish.

“yes, hyunjin,” felix repeated, “i’ve never kissed someone before,”

hyunjin thought for a bit before talking again, “can i kiss you?”

felix choked on his spit, “what?” he coughed, as hyunjin hit him on his back.

“can i kiss you? like can i be your first kiss?”

“w-why?”

hyunjins eyebrows furrowed, “what do you mean why? i wanna get better at kissing and i’m sure you wanna know what it’s like to kiss,”

“but..but we’re best friends?” felix sputtered.

“yes, meaning we trust each other,” the older boy rolled his eyes, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to obviously,”

“no, we can do it,”

“are you sure, lix?”

“yes, hyunjin, we can kiss,” felix rolled his eyes, but his heart was full of love. he knew hyunjin wanted to be completely sure he wasn’t doing anything felix didn’t want to do.

“okay then,” hyunjin nodded, slowly connecting their lips.

it was a short kiss…actually it was more of a peck. just a quick touch of their lips.

“was that okay?” hyunjin asked nervously, he really didn’t want felix to feel uncomfortable.

felix nodded. he didn’t feel anything, just hyunjin’s lips on his.

“wanna go again?” hyunjin asked.

felix shrugged, “sure,”

this time, the kiss was different. it was deeper, and felix is pretty sure some tongue was involved.

kissing is overrated, felix thought. he was following hyunjin, letting the slightly older boy take control. this time, felix pulled away first.

“how was that?” hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, messing it up.

felix shrugged again.

“don’t shrug,” hyunjin whined, making felix chuckled at his friend. “was it nice? was it too much? was it not enough? was it—“

felix cut hyunjin off, “it was fine, overrated, but fine,”

hyunjin giggled, “overrated?”

“yeah, i mean it’s nice, but i don’t get all the rage,”

“thanks, lix,” hyunjin giggled again, leaning in for a hug.

felix happily responded to the hug, “it’s nothing, jinnie,”

felix is 20 when he learns that kissing is nice, but only if it’s with you.

kissing you was something felix had always wanted to try, and after 10 years—it felt like 50—he got the chance.

you weren’t his first kiss, nor were you his second (he kissed park siyeon for a dare during a party), but you were the most memorable one.

he hesitantly pulled away, the feeling of your lips on his lingering. he let out a sigh of content, “that was…”

“that was something,” you giggled.

your giggle made felix feel warm inside, the same kind of warmth you’ve always given him. “i like you,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

“i know,”

felix’s eyes widened, “you know?”

“yeah, you’re not very good at keeping secrets,” you shrugged with your usual smile.

“but…but that means…that chris knows as well?”

“yes, he knows,”

felix could feel his face get hot. not only did you know about his crush on you, but chris did as well, “i’m...i’m sorry,” he faced the floor ashamed.

“lix, you have nothing to apologize for,”

he put his hands over his face “i made you feel uncomfortable,” his whine was muffled by his hands.

you furrowed your brows, “who told you that?”

“what?”

“who told you that your crush on me made me uncomfortable?”

felix’ held shut up, “n-no one, i just thought...”

“felix,” you sighed, grabbing his head and titling it so he face facing you, “it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. at all!”

“it..it doesn’t?”

“no!” you shook your head, “in fact….it makes me very happy,”

the look on felix’ face me you laugh; he looked, lost and hopeful, “w-what?”

“i like you too, lix,” you giggled, hands still on his cheeks.

“what?!”

“i like you,” you said, squeezing his cheeks with every word.

“you do?” felix was over the moon, he felt like he could do anything and everything. “please don’t play with me.”

“i promise you, i’m not,”

the smile that broke out on his face was heartwarming. his eyes curled up and nose scrunched. he leaned in to kissed you, trying to contain his smile.

kissing you was better than he could’ve ever imagined. he could feel you smile into the kiss, and it made his heart pound faster than it ever had.

in felix’s eyes kissing is overrated, but not if it’s with you.

[annab-nana]

Stupid Cupid - Colby Brock

Normally, y/n and Colby spend Valentine’s Day together because they are both single, but this year, y/n has a boyfriend. Her Valentine’s date takes an unexpected turn, ending with her night spent crying in Colby’s arms.

Warnings: some curse words

Word Count: 2.7k+

--------------------------------------------------

"Colby likes skittles, right?" I ask Sam as I hold my phone to my ear with my shoulder. My hands were full of a few stuffed animals and a cute basket that I had found and filled with several kinds of candy. Normally on Valentine's Day, Colby and I both are single, and we stay in, order some food, and go get discount chocolate the next day. This has been our tradition for the past few years, but last March, I started dating Josh and we've been together ever since. I decided to get something together for him since all his best friends have girlfriends and I have a boyfriend. I think it will brighten his day and make him happy.

"Yes, he does. Who doesn't like skittles, y/n?" I hear Sam's laugh bellow through the speaker of my phone. I giggle along with him at myself.

"Leave me alone, Samuel. I just wanted to make sure, so I decided to call his other half. You two are basically married at this point." We chuckled together before I heard a beep on my phone. I sat down my basket before looking at my phone. Josh is calling me.

"I got to go, Sam. Josh is calling me." I say quickly.

"Okay, bye," Sam says before I end the call to answer Josh. I press the green button and place my phone back where it was so that I can grab my basket and continue shopping.

"Hey, babe!" I say excitedly. I haven't talked to him since last night when I fell asleep on him on FaceTime.

"Hey princess, I was just calling to let you know that I am picking you up at six tomorrow for dinner." I heard his sweet voice tell me. A blush rose to my cheeks at the nickname. He calls me that all the time and every time, I feel butterflies.

"Will you please tell me where we're going?" I whine into the phone as I look through the Valentine's Day cards, trying to find one that's perfect for Colby.

"Nope but dress nice." He's been aggravating me all week by not telling me where we're going, but tomorrow night, I will finally find out.

"I hope you know you're annoying," I inform him, and he chuckles in response.

"I know, but you love me anyway." I smile and nod my head, forgetting he can't see me.

"Yes, I do. I do love you." I tell him as I smile like an idiot in the middle of this store.

"I love you too, but I got to go. Jackson needs help getting his Valentine's shit together for Ava. I'll talk to you later, princess." He tells me before we say our goodbyes and hang up.

I love how Josh is always there for Jackson. Those two didn't have the best life growing up, but Josh was always there for Jackson no matter what. Jackson is Josh's younger brother. Jackson is a senior in high school and Ava is his first serious girlfriend, so I know Jackson wants to make it special for her. Ava is a super sweet girl in Jackson's math class. He asked her for help on a problem that he already knew how to do just so he could talk to her. They started studying together and eventually, he asked her out. They are so cute together. I love it.

After a while of looking around, I finally got everything together and checked out at the store. I loaded it all into my car and headed back to my apartment building. I got off the elevator and passed the guys' apartments to get to mine which was right next to Colby's. I quickly ran into my apartment, in case Colby decided to walk out right then. I didn't want him to know it was me. I want to surprise him.

I pulled everything into my office and set the basket up, filling it with all of the little things I got him. Once I was happy with how it looked, I took a picture of it and sent it to Kat.

Y/n: Do you think he will like it?

Kat: Of course, he will y/n! You know he will love anything if it comes from you.

Y/n: I know, I guess I just feel bad because we aren't doing Valentine's together this year 😩

Kat: Yeah but this will really brighten his day. We both know he hates Valentine's Day.

Y/n: He does lol. What are you and Sam doing for Valentine's Day tomorrow?

Kat: Idk, he hasn't asked me to be his valentine yet 😠

Y/n: Really? Valentine's Day is tomorrow. He doesn't have much time left lol. Josh won't tell me what we're doing. He just said dress nicely. Should I wear my black or red dress?

Kat: THE BLACK ONE!!!!!!!! It looks so good on you. And if you wear red lipstick and your red heels with it too, I don't think Josh will be able to resist you.

Y/n: okay 😂 thanks girl!

Kat: you're welcome babe!

...

I walked into my office and grabbed the basket I made for Colby. I tiptoed to his door and sat the basket down. I rang the doorbell and dashed down the hall, so I could watch him open the door. I could see him, but he couldn't see me.

He opened the door and a smile spread across his face. He looked around outside his door and then looked around in the basket for any indication of who left it for him. He pulled out the card, but I didn't write anything in it because I knew he would be able to tell my handwriting. After seeing that there was nothing to give away who sent the secret Valentine's gift, he shrugged and picked up the basket, taking it inside.

I giggled lightly to myself and took the long way to my apartment, in case he was spying through his peephole. As soon as I walked in, I got a twitter notification. Colby had tweeted. It said, "to whoever left a basket of chocolates and teddy bears at my door.. i 🖤 u" A small smile crept its way into my face. I left Twitter and started to play music as I got ready for tonight.

After my hair was curled and makeup was done, I slipped into my black dress and put on my red heels like Kat suggested and let me tell you, she was damn right when she said I looked good in this. I couldn't stop looking at myself. I've never looked this good before. I can already imagine the things that Josh and I will be doing later.

A knock at my door broke me from my thoughts. I hurried to the door and opened it to reveal my handsome man with flowers in his hands.

"Awe Josh, you didn't have to do all this," I told him as he smiled widely.

"Yes, I did. Wanna know why?" He giggled.

"Why?" I question as he hands me the bouquet.

"Because I love you, princess, and there is more where that came from." He tells me as he takes my hand. "Now let's go put those in some water in a vase and then we can go to dinner." I do as he said, and we leave for dinner.

"Hey guys!" I hear and my eyes meet my best friend.

"Hey, Colbs!" I say as I run up to him to hug him. I haven't actually seen him in a few days. We've texted and stuff but that's it. We pulled away from our embrace and I stepped back, grabbing Josh's hand. Seeing Colby made me ten times happier if that was even possible.

"I know this is a weird question, but did you see anyone out here earlier today?" Colby asked me as he leaned against his doorframe. It looked like he was coming back home from somewhere. I couldn't help the sneaky smile that showed up on my face, but I shook my head.

"No, I've been in my place all day. Why? What's up?" I asked. Maybe that would help him not think it was me.

"Someone left something at my door earlier and I was wondering who it was, but I don't know," Colby informed us. By the look on his face, he appeared to be pretty confused.

"Sorry, I haven't seen anything," I tell him. I feel a tug at my hand and look up at Josh. He bends down slightly to reach my ear.

"I hate to break you two up, but we need to hurry." He whispers in my ear and I nod at him.

"Okay Colby, we have to head out, but I'll see you later, okay?" I tell him as I go in for another hug. He smiles and nods before waving at us. We head down the elevator, to the car, and then to the restaurant. When we arrived, we were set off in the back away from everyone else. It was beautiful back here. Little string lights illuminated the place with a soft glow. Nice music played lowly in the background and being here with Josh made it all the better.

We talked about many things as we ate. He told me about helping Jackson yesterday. We talked about old memories of when we first met and started dating. As we laughed, I felt a buzz comes from my phone. I pulled it out to see a text from Colby.

Colbs: it was you wasn't it?

Y/n: maybe 😉

"Who is it?" I looked up at Josh who was looking at me strangely. I could hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice. I don't know why I felt a sudden surge of guilt run through my body, but I felt like I was doing something wrong or that Josh thought I was doing something wrong.

"It's Colby. You know how he said someone left something at his door earlier?" I asked him and he nodded. I explained to him that I got Colby something for Valentine's Day and left it at his door because we weren't doing anything together this year like we always have.

After that awkward moment, we continued to eat and talk until Josh pulled out a cute gift bag and handed it to me.

"Happy Valentine's Day princess!" He said as he gave me the gift. I shot him a huge smile before going through the bag. It was filled with candies, stuffed animals, pictures of us from the last year together, and a card. I opened the card and began to read it out loud.

"Y/n, these past eleven months with you have been amazing and I can't wait to see what our future together holds. As you know, love hasn't been an easy thing for me to acquire, but you have shown me that I am capable of being loved and I can show that I love someone too. I love you princess and I will continue to love you for as long as I can. I want to love you for the rest of my life if you will let me. So, will you let me?" My brows furrowed over my teary eyes and I looked up to where Josh was sitting previously. But he wasn't there. He was beside me, on one knee, with a ring in his hand.

"Y/n, I love you so much so will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked me. My tear-filled eyes met his and I don't know why but I hesitated. What should have been an easy question became so hard. I love Josh with all my heart, but I don't know what's stopping me from saying yes. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Princess?" Josh looked at me, worried. He was probably very sure I would say yes too. Damn it, y/n say yes. Just say it. It's not a hard word to say. You probably say it every day. Just say it.

"I- I don't know," I choke out. I regret it instantly when Josh's face falters. He looks so upset.

"It's not that I don't want to. I just don't think I'm ready for that yet baby. I love you. You know I do. It's just I don't think now is a good time." Josh gets up and sits in his seat.

"Are you sure that's the reason? There isn't anything else?" He questions me. What is he getting at?

"I don't know what you mean, J. What do you think it is?" I ask him, kind of pissed at him. Does he not believe that I'm not ready for that yet? That is a pretty big step to take with someone.

"Damn I'm an idiot. I should've seen what was right in front of me. Y/n, you're in love with Colby. I thought I was wrong, but I don't think I am." He confesses.

"I am not. I love you, Josh. I'm just not ready to get married. I'm 21. I don't want to get married now." Anger, sadness, and confusion swirled through my body. I'm not in love with Colby. I love him because he is my best friend but I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with the man sitting in front of me. Maybe I should've just said yes to save all this trouble.

"Y/n, I love you too but something's not right. You love both me and Colby, but something stopped you from saying yes to me. If you were really in love with me, we wouldn't be having a problem right now. I think you are in love with him, whether you see it or not." He seemed upset but I could tell he was speaking exactly what he felt.

"Can you take me home or should I call an Uber?" I say as I stare off through a window in the side of the room. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I want to be at home.

"I'll take you home if you want me to, princess." The nickname that used to make me feel like the best person in the world is now bringing more tears to my eyes. I just looked at him and nodded. We left the restaurant and got back into his car. The ride home was silent and thought-filled. I'm guessing that our relationship is over, but I don't want to lose Josh. I want him to stay in my life. We pull up to the outside of my apartment complex and Josh grabs my hand.

"I want you to know that I still love you princess and I will always be here for you." A few more tears slipped out as we shared one last kiss together. A kiss goodbye.

"I love you too," I whisper before opening the door and walking inside. Once I get on the elevator, the tears I had been holding back for so long came flowing out. I reach the fifth floor and the doors open, revealing my best friend.

"Y/n, what's wrong?" That question broke me, and I fell into his arms, crying. He held me as he pulled me out of the elevator.

"Let's go to my place, okay?" He asked and I nodded. Once we were in his apartment, we sat on his couch and I explained to him all that occurred tonight.

"He thinks you're in love with me?" Colby questioned.

"Yes," I answer quietly.

"What do you think?" He asks me and I look up at him.

"I don't think I'm ready to get married," I tell him.

"Yeah, but if you wanted to marry him, you could be engaged to him for however long you needed until you were ready to get married. I think he's right. You didn't want to marry him."

"You think I'm in love you too?" I ask him, sitting up straighter to get a better view of his answer.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping you are. Y/n, you are gorgeous, kind, funny, everything that a guy wants in a girl. And did you see the way you looked tonight? If you were mine and you came out looking like that, we wouldn't have made it to the restaurant. You are beautiful. How could I not want you?" His honesty took me by surprise. I never knew he felt this way.

"Maybe you and Josh are right," I whisper without thinking and Colby's eyes light up.

"Maybe stupid Cupid shot his arrow at the wrong people?" I chuckled at his response but nonetheless agreed.

"Maybe"

[hotchley]

🦄 im alive and newly graduated!!! how have u been, kid? :)

There are major spoilers for so why can't you see below the cut, even though the plot is kinda obvious, but if you'd rather not hear about the final chapter, don't press it!!

OH MY GOD HIIIIIII!!!! I was thinking about you the other day because I was like: ah they're meant to be graduating in May, but is it weird if I just make a post being like: hey unicorn anon, I hope you're okay and vibing??

Because I realised that you'd actually finished the series and I was like... oh no I hope they don't vanish forever, but it's fine if they do... but still...

Congratulations on graduation!! How was it?? What was it like?? Did you get to do the whole moving the tassel thing?? What was your degree in?? What are you thinking of doing now?? Did you have fun??

AND KID!!! I've missed being called that!! A few people have called me it, but I turned seventeen a few weeks ago and since then, it's just been: well, you're almost an adult and I’m like: no. Stop. Right now.

I have been... see on the one hand I’m like: YEAH! I’ve been okay!! I’ve been handling school (I got a B in one of my chemistry tests!!!), I got a leadership role, I’m mentoring in Maths, I finished my virtual work experience and have things for uni and I know what I’m doing.... on the other I’m like: FUCK FUCK FUCK but I don’t even know what the problem is...

Time just feels like it’s going too quickly. But also too slowly?? And mocks are coming up, so I’m kinda stressed but one thing I’ve really been working on is just accepting when things don’t go as well. Like... that’s okay, you know? And I also know that even if nobody else thinks I tried, I’ll KNOW that I did. and the people on the Internet will support me.

But I also... yeah. It’s been a weird time. Writing sad stuff has definitely helped. In fact, the other day, I reread my first fic (heavy is the head that wears the crown) and compared it to my most recent one (like blood underneath your fingernails) and I was like: I’ve really improved!! So yeah! I have been all over the place, but when I think back to this time last year, I’m definitely happier :))

And more open about the fact that Mortch is a thing that I ship :)

Okay onto the spoilery thing!!

So remember how you were the Strauss anon and also the Gideon anon before you became the unicorn anon?? Well...

I’ve not even thought about the Gideon AU, but an argument between Rossi and Hotch has been living rent-free in my head. Will it ever get written? Who knows- the final chapter of aaron is still on hold. However... I think it’ll be call.

ANYWAYS!!

I started a fic called so why can’t you see (you belong with... each other?) and the basic premise is: Jemily and Moreid are a thing (Penelope has a girlfriend) so they’re trying to set up Hotch and Rossi because they’re like: AHA!

However, it’s five times members of the BAU fail, and the one time someone succeeded.

I took your idea about Strauss being the one to get them together and kinda turned it into a whole thing- so her chapter is essentially outlined because it’s going to be about how her and Rossi had a Thing in the 90s when Hotch joined and she assumes they’re together and then they’re not so it spirals...

I was going to say: the unicorn anon inspired this entire thing (which is actually a friends birthday present, it was just taking so long that I turned it into a multi-chapter that is randomly updated) but then I was like: is that weird?? So I didn’t. But you were the inspiration!!

I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE STILL HERE THOUGH!!!!!

[homoose]

In this quarantine, I became my little brother's kindergarten teacher, after I read TMSIDK, I started doing some things that you mentioned in the chapters like dancing and keeping my brother moving every 10 minutes and it really worked, he does his homework better and he is happier, could you please share some tips to be teachers from our homes?

PS: I love your stories and your writing, specially this series 💜

omg wow that is amazing!!!!!!!!!! i’m so glad it was helpful!! tysm for reading and loving on me!!! 🥺♥️

ok so, as a general rule, kids can sit/focus for about as many years as they are old. so for your bb bro, he needs A LOT of breaks!!! so the dance breaks you’re giving him are perfect! dance breaks are where it’s at but it’s also totally fine to just like do something super quick like 10 jumping jacks. i often just make up random stuff for my kids like “pretend you’re snorkeling” or like “FLEX UR SUPERHERO MUSCLES” or something equally ridiculous. the sillier the better tbh. if u haven’t already, sign up for gonoodle!!!! it’s free and the videos are incredible lmao.

idk if you use a computer or pen/paper, but it can also be nice for kids to stand and work, so the option to stand at a table or a counter can be nice rather than sitting all day.

in education we use the fancy term multiple modalities, but really all that means is that-- whenever possible-- use as many of the five senses as possible. we really do learn more/retain better when we are seeing/hearing/moving when we learn. so this means that if you’re teaching letter sounds try to give him a movement to do along with the sound (i.e. “s” says sssss like a snake-- and have him do a slithering motion). when you’re reading stories, act them out (even if it’s just a hand movement). when you’re doing math, have physical items for him to use when counting/adding/subtracting (i have my kids use whatever they have handy so like, pennies, magnets, or crackers LOL). 

also, scavenger hunts are big in my class (i.e. find something that starts with the /a/ sound-- and they can bring an apple back to you). 

i hope this was helpful!!!!!!! 

[tired-toby]

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

ok

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song

[dreammthief]

dig a little deeper

tagged by @gcralts​ and @quaffled thank u both ily 💕

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? black

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? oh 100% city

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? I always wanted to learn how to tumble/gymnastics so that would be cool but my eighty-year-old knees could never

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? tea never, coffee always

5. what was your favorite book as a child? I always loved series so i primarily went from magic treehouse to percy jackson and harry potter

6. do you prefer baths or showers? showers regularly, but baths for relaxing with wine and a book

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? sksksksk if not a dragon, then definitely a faerie

8. paper or electronic books? paper or not at all 

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? my two, very oversized crewneck sweaters they’re ariana grande merch shut up I know

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? i like it enough not to change it, but sometimes I wonder if I would have preferred my “almost name”, victoria

11. who is a mentor to you? my mom??? I mean I literally cannot make a decision without calling her so

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? it’s my dream to publish a book one day and of course i’d want it to do well, so, yes, i’d like to be famous for that (copying this verbatim from wik because we’re the same person but what else is new)

13. are you a restless sleeper? oh god no I don’t move at all but it does take me fuckn forever to actually fall asleep

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? i am... so soft, yes

15. which element best represents you? fireeee

16. who do you want to be closer to? this is probably not what this question is asking for but i wish my good friends on here lived closer to me (or at least on the same continent) so i could see them irl (im copying again its too good also ily)

17. do you miss someone at the moment? literally everyone back home that I moved away from, especially my mom :(

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. i don’t know how I remember this but my mom has assured me its real, but when I was eighteen months old (I swore in the memory I was like seven hahahha nope) I thought I saw my nana so I waved at her and got my arm caught in the train door of the london underground and had to be rushed to the ER and my parents missed our flight back to the states ooooops also my nana was 1000% not there at all 

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? probably some various form of bug on a dare from my brothers whenever we went camping

20. what are you most thankful for? my friends, family, and my resilience? like I keep finding myself leaning back into depression and constantly fight to stay out of that dark place 

21. do you like spicy food? yessssss

22. have you ever met someone famous? uhhhh no? no one comes to mind

23. do you keep a diary or journal? no but I really, really should

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen, unless its math math then pencil

25. what is your star sign? libra

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? if my jaw doesn’t ache after eating it I don’t want it

27. what would you want your legacy to be? i want to save lives and leave people better, more hopeful, and happier than when I found them

28. do you like reading? what was the last book you read? god yes, and red white and royal blue which wrecked me

29. how do you show someone you love them? i like to spend time with them and I like to know them, as well as let them know me

30. do you like ice in your drinks? its nice but not a necessity

31. what are you afraid of? losing a loved one, forever being alone alone, and not being good enough

32. what is your favorite scent? sawdust, sandalwood, pine, and literally anything “manly”

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? mostly first name I think?? I can’t think of an instance where I wasn’t familiar enough with them not to use it

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? bitch I would travel the earth until I died

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? por que no los dos??

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? i mean if I didn’t see anyone drop it or anything, then I would probably keep it and pay it forward somewhere

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? yes and no

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? *nieces/nephews, and to be independent, clever and funny lol

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I have several, but the next one I want is inspired by a drawing called self love by frederic forest and on the back of my elbow if that makes sense

40. what can you hear now? a storm, rain pelting on the window

41. where do you feel the safest? surrounded by my friends and family, doesn’t matter where

42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? being more open about my past trauma

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? god, it would be horrible as far as how far we’ve come in so many aspects of life, but I’ve always been interested to know how it would be to live in the 15th/16th century 

44. what is your most used emoji? 😂 + 😭 + 🥺 

45. describe yourself using one word. resilient

46. what do you regret the most? trusting certain people  

47. last movie you saw? the half of It

48. last tv show you watched? sex education

49. invent a word and its meaning veration - (noun) extreme happiness for fictional characters or ships that causes a real, physical response; ex: kate’s veration over pynch deepened when she realized they were canon. 

tagging: some new mutuals @ughdraco @chlamets @fleurdlacour @avilareyna @henriettia @eorwyn @ivashkov + anyone else who wants to (also feel free to ignore this)

[mbrainspaz]

2018 End of Year Survey

here we go again-- (*******DISCLAIMER: I held off posting this one for nearly 2 years because I was in a very dark place that December. I want to post it now just to get it out of my drafts folder and off my mind. If you struggle with depression you may want to skip this one. Things did get better. They always do.*********) 

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?

Kissed a stranger or two.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t think I had a resolution. I think I just had a hangover. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? probably. There are so many babies on facebook I loose track. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? I’m not sure I can count Avicii for this one, but his death hit me really hard. His music meant a lot to me and kept me going through some dark times. It was really tragic. One of my grandma’s close friends died suddenly too, and a week later I realized she posted a comment on my facebook that I never replied too. Long story short, I ended up thinking about death a lot this year. 

5. What countries did you visit? Just the old U S of A. Travel budget never materialized. 

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Hope. Oh, and money.

7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory? The night a guy I thought of as one of my closest friends and the closest thing I ever had to a ‘soulmate’ cursed at me and blocked me. It’s been months but I started crying about it last night again. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Still alive. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Jeeze, so many options. Putting myself in a situation where I could think too much. Failing to launch my webcomic. Not putting enough energy into my business. Drinking too much. Not getting out enough. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got sick so many times I lost count. In mid-August I did some math and figured I’d been sick for roughly 46% of the year. No idea why. Just the universe kicking me while I’m down, I guess.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I got a really old complete edition of the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy for $2 at a yard sale. It has mysterious stains all over it. I will probably never read it because I have the audiobooks. It just makes me feel nice. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My dog Han has gotten pretty great at walking without a leash. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My whole family laid into me all year at different times for various things. I probably deserved some of it but it didn’t help. That’s just what living near my family is like. That’s why I was so excited to get away from them in 2010. I really shouldn’t have ever come back. They’re just too good at expecting me to fail. I’m too good at exceeding expectations--so I failed extra hard.  

14. Where did most of your money go? Medical fees. For me and for my dogs. It was a tough year for all of us.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Free food.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2018? You Owe Me - Chainsmokers Oh Devil - Electric Guest Don’t Give Up On Me - Kill the Noise & Illenium High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco Broken Arrows - Avicii Last Day Alive - Chainsmokers Old Fashioned - Panic! At the Disco Give Yourself A Try - The 1975 Take Her Place - Don Diablo ft. ARIZONA Freaking Out - ARIZONA Connection - One Republic Narcissist - No Rome ft. The 1975 Lift Me From The Ground - San Holo Insomniac - Trip Lee Sad Sad Summer - Kelsey Karter JT - Jon Bellion Electric Touch - ARIZONA

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder. ii. thinner or fatter? Same. iii. richer or poorer? 9$ and a jar of coins to my name, buddy.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Working. I wish I could’ve found the motivation to work more, and then found more work to actually work on. I was sick and depressed so often, I don’t know anymore if I’m lazy or if life is just beating the crap outta me. Neither option really changes things.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking and trying to figure out what I want or how to be happy. Happiness is irrelevant.  

20. How did you spend Christmas? At the lake with some of the family. I tried to buy my brother a camp cookware set for his birthday but the delivery failed and I didn’t really get anyone anything.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? My best friend again. Sometimes she just called to remind me to eat lunch, which I really appreciated.

22. Did you fall in love in 2018? Nope, but still managed to get my heart broken.

23. How many one night stands in this last year? *obligatory eye-roll*

24. What was your favorite TV program? Trollhunters ended. Daredevil Season 3 really knocked it out of the park. Jodie Whittaker as the Doctor has been awesome. 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? me.

26. What was the best book you read? Mostly I re-read stuff this year because I needed familiar stories, but Odd Thomas turned out to be a fun new read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I was pretty psyched when I found Janelle Monae but turns out I only like her old stuff from before she went all Pop-sounding. And not to be a hipster but Clean Bandit was better before they turned into bland Pop too. 

28. What did you want and get? A side-job working at a ranch, but only sometimes. 

29. What did you want and not get? More work. 

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Into The Spider-Verse. The year couldn’t be all bad with a movie that great in it.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26. My family took me riding on the beach in Corpus Christi. Mom tried to make it a surprise but she’s not good at those so I had to spend several days pretending to not be excited. It was great. My horse was named Money. Still can’t believe they actually gave me a smart horse and let me trot circles around everyone. 

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having enough work.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? “Your outfit is so cute!” "Cool, it was 2$ at goodwill.”

34. What kept you sane? If this was 1818 they’d’ve locked me away by now.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Anton Yelchin. Yeah I know.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Just fed up with people being racist morons. Mostly people who’re related to me. But like, bless their hearts I guess. 

37. Who did you miss? I still miss my friends from OKC. Haven’t really made any new ones. 

38. Who was the best new person you met? I guess those artists I met at a bar in Austin last week were pretty cool.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018. I don’t think there’s any skill a person can develop that is more important than an ability to call oneself out on one’s own BS and I would like to do so right now by admitting that I am terrible at calling myself out about my own BS. - iphone Note, 11/23/18

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“I bet you thought your life would change But you're sat on a train again Your memories are sceneries For things you said but never really meant You build it too high to say goodbye Because you're not the same as them But your death, it won't happen to you It happens to your family and your friends, I pretend

And I always wanna die sometimes I always wanna die sometimes

You win, you lose, you sing the blues There's no point in buying concrete shoes, I refuse

And I always wanna die sometimes I always wanna die sometimes I always wanna die

Am I me through geography? A face collapsed through entropy I can hardly speak And when I try, it's nothing but a squeak On the video, living room for small If you can't survive, just try

And I always wanna die sometimes”

[scientistclone]

Multiples of seven for the end of year meme pls and thank u xo

First of all - being gay and maths doesn’t mix well...xoxo

7: Which fashion trends did you love?

The revival of 80s fashion! I’m a huge sucker for neon, mustard yellow and everything 80s, so this was just.. perfect for stocking up on clothing ;D

14: Favorite new TV show?

Gentleman Jack, hands down. I’m gay, I love period dramas and I’ve cried multiple times about the ending, so..yeah :D

21: Did you vote?

I always ALWAYS vote and I encourage everyone to make use of their right to do so. People who don’t vote and later complain about our political situation can fuck right off tbh...

28: Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

Obviously yeah..oof....(I mean I rant quite a lot on here)

35: Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

...yooo, I have no idea. Even the people who I’ve grown closer with this year have been kinda important last year, so... I guess I’m that easy, huh?

42: What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I’ve really grown as an artist style wise, but also technique wise ... and I guess I’ve kinda stitched myself together. I’m just really fucking functioning this year. It’s awesome :D

49: What do you wish for others for the coming year?

I hope everyone manages to find at least one teeny tiny bit of peace for themselves. Be a bit happier than this year. A bit less destructive. It’s something I know a lot of ppl in my life could use and I hope they somehow..find ig?

[lgbtyrus]

TJ’s Playlist Chapter 6

Story Summary: When Cyrus finds a playlist on TJ’s desktop full of old love songs, he realizes that TJ has never been a scary basketball guy but rather a huge sap. TJ just wished Cyrus could realize that all of those songs remind him of a certain boy who likes chocolate chocolate chip muffins without telling him directly.

With insecurities and fears almost set in stone, it’s hard for TJ to admit that he has a heart aching crush on Cyrus who is trying to avoid just that. Of course, it doesn’t seem like both of them are trying to get over each other when they’re always together.

Ao3 Link | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Words: 4252

Warning: angst, they cuss now

Cyrus found himself still lying awake in his dark room. His blanket had been thrown to the side, and he was sweating. He made his way to his restroom, and when he was washing his hands, he looked up at his mirror. He looked exhausted. He had told TJ goodnight and his intentions were to fall asleep right away like he had for the last few years. It was a gift Andi and Buffy always told him that they envied.

Only he couldn’t.

He kept thinking about his conversation with Buffy and wondered if there was anything that they had done that made her ask that question. What had put the idea in her head?

The only thing that drove him crazier was that he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. When had put the polaroid of him and TJ in his journal, he doodled a heart on the side without thinking. He quickly turned it into a shaded in circle and shut his journal.

He didn’t want to like TJ. He couldn’t like TJ. He didn’t want to be feeling all those butterflies and how his cheeks managed to feel hotter around him even though it was already 90 degrees outside. TJ was the human version of the sun to him, and it was getting harder to look at him. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice the few freckles that dotted his nose. Green was becoming a prettier color to him, and he didn’t want to know if it was because that was the color of TJ’s eyes. Their height difference was becoming a lot more noticeable to him, too. Thinking about their height difference killed him. It was when he wondered if he’d have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss him.

He would do absolutely anything to stop thinking about TJ.

Only it was getting harder.

It was kind of starting to hurt, too. It was the same longing he felt in his chest when he saw Jonah. His obstacle from being with Jonah was Andi and the probable fact that Jonah didn’t like boys. His obstacle with being TJ was simply that he didn’t like boys- making it easier to lose their friendship. If Jonah had found out, he was probably going to say “oh sorry” and then proceed to still be friends with him because of the Good Hair Crew.

If TJ found out, Cyrus had already built 22 different scenarios of it going horribly wrong. Only one of them included a “Sorry, Cyrus. I don’t like guys. But let’s still be friends.” Only, they didn’t ever speak again after that. Cyrus felt like he was driving himself mad thinking of it.

Cyrus made his way back into his room and threw himself at his bed. He hadn’t checked the time in a while, so he unplugged his phone from the charger on his bedside table. He let out a sigh as he realized it was 2:02AM. He felt curse. He had never stayed up for no reason, not even when he liked Iris or Jonah. If anything, he wanted to go to sleep to avoid the fact that he didn’t like kissing Iris as cool as she was. He wanted to fall asleep so that he could dream of another world where Jonah liked him.

But now all he could do is stay away and live in the world where TJ Kippen didn’t like him.

Cyrus shut his eyes once more, his phone gripped in his hand. He tried to fall asleep, and he knew it wasn't working. He slightly picked his head up and slammed it back down repeatedly on his pillow, hoping it'd be enough to take him out. It didn't work.

He began thinking about TJ again as he gave up and lay there. He thought about how he was actually putting in a lot more effort into his math. It made him smile.

Then he remembered.

Cyrus: Hey TJ r u awake?

In less than a minute, there was a response on his phone.

TJ: Yes but u shouldnt be

Cyrus: i can't sleep

TJ: why not?

Because of you!

Cyrus: honestly im not sure. i just have a lot of things running through my mind

You.

TJ: Do you want to talk about it?

Cyrus: I don't think so. I don't even know y i texted u in the first place tbh. sorry

TJ: youre good. i dont fall asleep until like 4am

Cyrus: oh man thats too late kgfdjgfdg

TJ: lmao i didnt think youd ever fall asleep past 10

Cyrus: i never do. i have a strict need for at least 7 hrs of sleep or ill die

TJ: looks like ur gonna die

Cyrus: please release a white dove at my funeral. make it two so it won't be lonely. Im being honest rn. im chugging a gallon of coffee tomorrow i swear. how do u do it everyday

TJ: I don't have a choice most of the time lmao. i just deal with it and let it slowly try to kill me

Cyrus: so u havent died bc you're a vampire?

TJ: u can say that. Hey can I call you instead? Im lazy

Cyrus: ye

“No,” Cyrus groaned. Hearing his voice was going to make everything feel worse. His phone started buzzing and he quickly answered it. He had never been happier about having soundproof walls. He didn’t want his parents asking what he was doing up so late talking to TJ.

“Hey,” TJ mumbled. Cyrus thought his sleepy voice was going to knock him out cold right then and right there.

“Hey, vampire,” Cyrus teased, making TJ chuckled in response.

“You sound awfully happy.”

“I’d be happier if I was asleep but I guess a late night conversation with my good pal TJ won’t kill me.”

“I’m starting to wonder if you really made up with Buffy,” TJ hummed. His voice was groggy yet Cyrus ate up every single one of his words. This was definitely a bad decision. “Did you?”

“I did,” Cyrus sighed. He was starting to wonder if he should tell him the real reason he couldn’t sleep. No. Then I’d have to tell him the idea of us liking each other is keeping me awake. But…. I don’t like him so it wouldn’t matter would it?

“We’re all cool right? I was wondering if she wanted to get her girl team to practice with mine.”

Cyrus grinned, “That’s actually be great. You should talk to her about it. I swear she’s not angry.”

“Why was she acting up with you then?”

“Stupid reasons. She admitted it herself. She’s scared of… something.”

“Buffy? Scared?” TJ scoffed. “Of what? Her reflection?” TJ paused and then said, “Sorry, that was mean.” Cyrus ended up laughing.

“No, it’s fine. She’s more worried you can say.”

“Of what?”

Of us falling in love, getting married, adopting kids, and living next door to her.

“Of us getting closer I guess.”

“So, she’s jealous?” TJ asked. Cyrus stopped himself for a moment. He hadn’t thought about it that way. He did make it clear he’d never pick anyone over her and Andi, though. He wouldn’t.

“Well we cleared it up, so I don’t think so.”

“Did she,” TJ hummed for a moment, “say anything else?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. Did TJ know something else?

“Why are you asking?”

“Um…. Just curious.”

“You sure?”

“Well,” TJ added hesitantly. “I don’t know. I guess Amber and Buffy talked.”

“Buffy and Amber? Like my Buffy?”

“No, Buffy Summers. Yes, your Buffy,” TJ chuckled. “I guess that Amber showed her that photo where we both fell asleep and um,” TJ’s voice got lower, “I think that’s why she started acting up. Acting up is the right phrase to use but it’s 2AM. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus barely managed to say. His heart was beating fast and he was filling up with dread. Did TJ know exactly what Buffy was thinking?

“But did she say anything weird?” TJ asked again. Cyrus realized there were only 22 ways this could go wrong, and then chances of triggering one wasn’t that high. He was also half asleep and his “fuck it” senses were quite activated.

“By weird do you mean her asking me a million times about the idea of us dating?” Cyrus quickly spit out, hoping TJ might miss the word ‘dating’. There was a moment of complete silence for almost twenty seconds. Cyrus palms were feeling sweaty, so he put his phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow next to him.

“Yeah, that,” TJ finally said. “I think it was because of Amber, to be honest.”

“I mean everything makes sense, now,” Cyrus replied. “I was getting worried about some dumb stuff. I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep.” He felt a lot more relieved. So he and TJ hasn’t done something that made it seem like they had “more than friends” intentions. It was just a conversation between Buffy and Amber that sparked something in Buffy.

“So you do know why you can’t sleep,” TJ told him, discarding the dating topic.

“Well, kind of. I mean Buffy and I actually fought over this. We never fight.”

“Just because her and Amber conspired that we liked each other?” TJ scoffed. “They do know that will never happen right?” Those words seemed to chew right through Cyrus’ heart strings.

“Yeah… yeah,” Cyrus cleared his throat. “I mean we fixed it. She realized she was being dumb. She admitted it, too.”

“Did she apologize?”

“No. I don’t expect her to. It’s Buffy.”

“It’s Buffy isn’t a good excuse, Underdog. If I drain the blood out of a kindergartner, nobody is going to say, ‘Well, it’s just TJ.’ Are they?”

“One, they’re totally different. Two, one of them is completely unrealistic.” He wished TJ wasn’t so blunt sometimes. It made him come face to face with the feelings and thoughts he always shoved in the back of his head.

“Buffy apologizing every once in a while shouldn’t be unrealistic.”

“Well,” Cyrus sighed. “I don’t feel like she owes me an apology, okay?”

“If you’re comfortable with lying to yourself, sure.”

“I’m so comfortable with lying to myself, I’d convince myself that I love myself.”

“Self-deprecating humor, huh. Nice”

“Thanks. It’s a specialty. My brain is full of it.”

“That’s nice. My brain is full of useless facts.”

“Like what?”

“Like a cat named Stubbs was the mayor of Alaska from 1997 until his death.

“TJ, I know I don’t cuss, but literally. What the fuck,” Cyrus softly chuckled, causing TJ to erupt with laughter. Cyrus rarely heard TJ laugh like this, but it was music to his ears. He really did hate the way TJ made him feel like he was floating on the clouds. He was starting to get sleepy now.

“I can’t remember how to do long division, but I honestly can remember the dumbest things,” TJ said, starting to mumble again. “Hey, Underdog. Have you started reading The Giver yet?”

“No,” Cyrus yawned. “We don’t need to be up to chapter five until Friday.”

“Want me to read it to you until you fall asleep? You sound like you’re going to pass out any minute now.”

“But then I won’t remember where I was before I fell asleep,” Cyrus moaned.

“Don’t argue. I’m already getting my book,” TJ told him. Cyrus could hear TJ shuffling around the bedroom. “Alright. Chapter one…” TJ read to him for what felt twenty minutes before he couldn’t remember anything but the lightness of dream.

-

And now the purple dusk of twilight time

Steals across the meadows of my heart

TJ was in the middle of chapter two when he heard light snoring. He smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, Underdog.” He hung up the phone and set the book back inside of his backpack before shutting off the lights. He went back under his covers and checked his phone for the time. It was 3AM, and he could hear the distant yet familiar arguing from downstairs. He had blocked it out for almost an hour thanks to Cyrus and Lois Lowry. TJ put the sides of the pillows to cover his ears and closed his eyes.

He knew time had passed when his eyes blasted open at the sound of a door slamming shut. The front door downstairs. He then registered the soft crying. Amber’s crying. He sat straight up and saw that Amber was at the end of his bed, her back against the wall.

“Amber?” TJ rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Dad left,” she whispered. TJ stopped moving. Was he hearing wrong?

High up in the sky the little stars climb

Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away

Leaving me a song that will not die

“What?”

“Dad left. I heard them fighting in the bedroom like twenty minutes ago and he was packing his stuff,” she covered her face as she started to bawl. TJ lowered his hand and crawled over and put his arm around her. Amber shared a wall with their parents. TJ at least had the guest room in between which spared him a lot. Amber had always had it the worst.

“He’ll come back,” TJ whispered, his eyes starting to burn with tears. “He’ll come back.” Amber kept crying, her sobs eventually turning into wails. All TJ could do was sit there and hug her. He hadn’t even checked what time it was. He didn’t know if Amber had fallen asleep. It was getting hazy and everything felt a million times heavier. Amber’s sobs would die down and then increase suddenly, and he failed at trying not to cry. The only thing he heard was crying and the cars that would pass by in the streets. There was a ghostly silence emitting from the entire house. “He has to come back.”

Amber fell asleep after a long while, but TJ stayed wide awake. He gently laid her down before positioning himself next to his window. He was sitting with his back flat on his poster-covered wall, his eyes switching between watching Amber sleep and staring at the photos on his ceiling. He couldn’t really see them. It was still dark outside, and he didn’t know what he was waiting for. As soon as the sun beams started burst through the window and hit his bedsheets, he knew. He reached out a hand and let the light beam of sunshine hit his hand. There were striped shadows from the blinds wrapping around his skin. He let out a half-smile before closing his eyes. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to be he told himself. His GG always said that the rising sun meant a new era. He knew he wasn’t lying because the day he died, the sunrise turned the skies orange. It was his GG’s favorite color.

The music of the years gone by.

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend

The lonely nights

Dreaming of a song

The melody

Haunts my reverie

And I am once again with you

TJ laid down next to Amber and closed his eyes, almost immediately falling asleep. It didn’t feel like he had slept for more than a few minutes, but it was 6:30AM when he woke up to Amber turning off his alarm clock. He hadn’t even covered himself with the blankets, and he was cold. Amber stood up with her hands wrapped around herself as she shivered.

“Get ready, okay?” she told him, her teeth chattering. She looked horrible, and TJ knew he did, too. He simply nodded his head, and she made her way out of his room. He didn’t want to get up. He was exhausted and drained. It was a different type of tired where everything felt heavy and his throat felt dry. His eyes hurt every time he blinked. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the entire day. He still had work that afternoon, and he definitely could not skip right now.

He stood up anyways and got dressed. He went out into the hall and heard the sink running in the restroom. Amber was going to be a while. He went back into his room and got his hair gel from his bag and started doing his hair in there to get that over with. When he was done, he heard his phone vibrate. He reached over and smiled when he saw who it was from.

Cyrus: Good morning. I’m dead.

TJ: God I wish I were you right now

Cyrus: What time did u fall asleep??? I don’t even remember falling asleep.

TJ: u knocked out like at 3.

Cyrus: how much sleep did you get

TJ: idk like 2

Cyrus: 2 what? Hours

TJ: minutes

Cyrus: tj omg. Minutes?!!!!!

TJ: okay maybe like an hour or 2 I don’t really know.

TJ hesitated before sending the next text.

TJ: everything just sucks right now

Cyrus: hey I’m here if you need anything okay? We can talk about it over baby tators after tutoring if you’d like. My treat this time.

TJ: can’t. I have work.

Cyrus: I’ll walk you to work then. Sound good?

TJ: sounds perfect :^)

Cyrus: :o)

TJ heard the restroom door open, and he walked out to finish getting ready. Amber saw the smile on his face and raised an eyebrow, “Cyrus.” TJ shrugged, the smile not faltering. “Goofy boys,” Amber shook her head with a grin and walked back into her room.

When TJ finished getting ready, he walked down stairs to find Amber making them breakfast. He had heard their mom shuffling around in the master bedroom, so he knew she wasn’t downstairs.

“Eat up,” Amber told him as he sat down. “It’s almost seven, and I’m pretty sure we’re walking.” TJ didn’t say anything and gratefully ate the breakfast. They both ate in silence. TJ realized Amber didn’t have any makeup on and her hair was in a ponytail. He had seen himself in the mirror minutes ago, and he knew he didn’t exactly look like Prince Charming either.

They both turned to the kitchen doorway when their mom walked inside. She was still in her work uniform, and her hair was in a bun that was fall apart. Her eyes and nose were extremely red.

“I made breakfast,” Amber told her, not looking at her for longer than a second. TJ just saw her nod her head before walking to the coffee machine.

“You kids don’t have to go to school today,” she told them, her voice quiet yet rough. “I’ll call in.”

“I have to turn in an essay,” Amber quickly responded.

“Yeah,” TJ momentarily added, “I have tutoring after school.”

“Tutoring?” their mom turned to look at him. TJ sunk back a little in his seat. They had been told about his dyscalculia, but it was something they haven’t talked about in a while.

“Yeah,” TJ bit his lip. “I have it for math with a friend and Mrs. Pierson.” She simply nodded her head and went back to paying attention to the coffee machine. They were silent for the next few minutes as Amber and TJ kept eating, the clinking of dishes filling the air. Their mom watched them carefully as she drank her coffee. TJ checked his phone and told them, “I better get going.” He collected his and Amber’s dishes and placed them in the sink.

“I’ll wash them after I drop you kids off,” their mom putting her coffee on the counter. “Let me go get the keys.”

“We can walk if you want,” Amber told her delicately. She hadn’t taken them to school in ages. They called it an unnecessary waste of gas most of the time.

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to. At least today.” Neither TJ or Amber pressed the matter and just went to wait by the door. Amber’s eyes were already tearing up as they got to the door. TJ gave her a weak reassuring and smile which caused Amber to rub her eyes in an attempt of disguise. When the heard the keys rattling, Amber turned to their mom and said, “I have English second period. I might text you to pick me up.”

“I’ll be by my phone,” she said as they all walked out to the family car. TJ sat in the back seat and waited for the car to start moving. He felt ice cold even though fall had barely crept in, and it was making him want to sleep. He started considering skipping school. Mrs. Pierson would understand. Cyrus would, too. “Hey, um,” their mom gently said. “I just want you kids to know that I already talked to my boss. I’m getting shifts as I need them. I’m going to be responsible now, I swear. Nana and I talked. She’ll be on call if any of you two need anything, and I’m at work.” TJ knew Amber was crying again. It made him feel worse hearing her cry. Their mom started choking up, “Hey, I love you kids, okay? I’ve been a shitty mom lately, but we’ll get through this even if it’s just the three of us. I swear.”

He has to come back. He has to come back.

-

TJ was early to school; not a lot of kids had gotten dropped off. He walked into the cafeteria and got in line (it was only two kids in front of him). He was full already, but he eyed the chocolate chocolate chip muffins. He grabbed one and went back outside to sit at a picnic bench. He pulled out his phone and realized he already had a text from Cyrus.

Cyrus: hey I need to see you before class starts

TJ: im already at school sooo

Cyrus: im almost there. Where are u?

TJ: Benches by the cafeteria

TJ didn’t bother waiting for a response. He rested his head on his propped up arm and started closing his eyes. His eyelids felt so stiff, and he if tired had a taste, it was whatever parched feeling he had in his throat.

“Good morning!” Cyrus enthusiastically said, causing TJ to jump up startled.

“Hey!” TJ yelped. He quickly turned around to see if anyone had seen, but it was just kids minding their own business and Cyrus laughing. TJ smirked at Cyrus, “Proud that you scared the shit out of me?”

“Kind of, yes,” Cyrus grinned. He had two coffee shop drinks in his hands and one was half-way done. TJ assumed that’s where he got his energy. “Here,” Cyrus set the coffee in front of TJ. “I don’t know if you drink coffee, but I know you need it.”

“I’m usually an energy drink guy, but I tend to not splurge on them. Sleep is free energy,” TJ said and picked up the coffee. He studied the see-thru plastic carefully. He rarely got anything from the coffee shop. He didn’t know how to order it. Why couldn’t the sizes just be small, medium, and large?

“You’re not getting any sleep, and TJ, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You look exhausted. I’m so glad I chose today to get you this,” Cyrus gave TJ an apologetic look. TJ was half-asleep, so he just stared at Cyrus’ lips for a few seconds too long before remembering he was in a conversation.

“Uh, yeah,” TJ blinked furiously and set the coffee down, “thank you by the way. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t,” Cyrus shook his head. TJ took a sip from the straw and immediately made a sour face.

“What is this, Underdog?” TJ smacked his lips a few times. It was super sweet at first, but he liked the aftertaste. He started drinking it again.

“I call it liquid cocaine. It’s 4 shots of expresso, and 4 pumps of white chocolate syrup over ice in a cold cup.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“You sleeping habits are unhealthy, TJ. You need to get more sleep.”

“Sounds fake.”

“TJ!” Cyrus whined.

“Fine, fine,” TJ rubbed his eyes. “I’ll take sleeping syrup or something.”

“Don’t abuse that stuff, though.”

“Do you want me to sleep or not?” TJ smiled, causing Cyrus to shrug.

“I guess,” Cyrus sighed. TJ felt nice for a change. Every time he realized Cyrus cared about him, it made everything feel better. Even if everything was a complete shit pile. “Hey we have time to talk if you want to tell me what’s wrong. Or we can wait until after school. If we don’t crash.” TJ looked around and bit his lip. If he didn’t make it to the end of the school day, it wasn’t going to be because of a caffeine crash. He was pretty good at hiding any emotional distress in person, but he didn’t know how long he’d be able to hold this in.

“I’ll just um…,” TJ bit his lip harder.

“We’ll talk after school,” Cyrus reached his hand across the table and squeezed TJ’s free hand. TJ felt himself turning red, but he didn’t reach out to cover his nose. He put the coffee down and set the abandoned muffin right in front of Cyrus.

“It’s for you.”

The nightingale

Tells his fairytale

Of paradise, where roses grew

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love's refrain.

Next Chapter

A/N: Thank you for reading! Here’s those who asked to be tagged :) If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know! Also if I forget you I swear it wasn’t on purpose. I skip over things in my head sometimes.

@magicalcowboycalzonemoney @the-greatt-perhaps @thedampjofangirl@evaeselgreatest @musicalsfuckmeup @stupidlambforever

[r-de]

19년 01월 21일

This will be my first post, I will hopefully post each day or whenever I find out of the ordinary to happen. Nice to meet you, I’m r and my tc is u. He’s my honors maths teachers and I really hope he never finds this. Sorry if my English is poor, it is not my first language. I’m using this page as a place to simply share experiences and emotions. :)

Today u wasn’t in a great mood, he obviously seemed irritated. As the bell rang, I took my seat and took out my notes. While I was setting up my desk I caught him looking at me. However, it wasn’t any normal look, he had a state that could slice through the hardest of materials. I looked around me to make sure his look was targeted at me and sure enough it was. As class continued, he made an announcement that some students had been moved. The student next to me was moved across the room; we sit in desks of four, he sat to my left. For the past few days that student and I had been hitting it off and talking during the lesson (disrespectful, I know and apologize. He never requested for us to stop, but he also seemed upset or irritated whenever we were hanging out or talking, even when it wasn’t during his lessons and a time talking was appropriate). I found it unusual that he moved him and only him so far. And I’ll admit, I was a tad bummed. Near the end of class he came and sat next to me (I sit in the back of the room). He pulled up a chair right where I sat and remained silent for a while, we were working on our assignments. After a few minutes he started asking me in a rude tone how the person I used to sit next to was doing, he asked about our conversations, and if either of us liked each other. I don’t see why much of that was important. I get that he’d be annoyed, but we never distracted anyone else’s learning, many other people are worse, and he never really gets so upset. Neither the person or I were affected by our chats, too. We both scored 100’s on our past test. We ended up talking until the end of class and he seemed much happier, he also requested that I visit him during lunch, unfortunately I had to decline due to dance practice. I just hope he gets that it was never my intention to be disrespectful. Tomorrow will be a better day.