#I just really like her as an author in general.

[yooglefics]

The casual type: 01 . The blind date

Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!reader  Wordcount: 2,888 words Genre ( for the whole series ): AU. College!verse. Strangers to friends with benefits to ?????. Eventual smut. Hurt / comfort at times. And fuff for cute friends. Summary: Hobi and his girlfriend set you up with a friend of hers to help with whatever happened months back. However no one really expected things to end the way they did.

Warnings ( for this chapter ): Setting things up for plot purposes. Gridding? Mentions of a boner. Making out.  Author's note: So, I wanted to write some friends with benefits thing, plus a bunch of art kids… and this came out ┐( • ֊ • )┌ . I should note here I took the creative liberty to play around with their ages so everyone is in college at the same time, and if you haven't, you can check the presentation post and learn a little bit more about them. Now let's start, hope you like it! If you do you can reblog, like, comment, send an ask, follow and what not. Thank you for reading <3

The place is quieter than the last time you were here, you realize, is earlier in the day and the semester just started after all, meaning students are still moving in from their home cities. And although you want to be mad at him, you can't really blame Hoseok's choice of place for a date, instead, you're already thinking of ways to be able to escape the awkwardness of it all.

Of course, he and Mai don't have to worry about that. Is not their first date and considering they're both dance students it actually makes sense for them to be in a club on a friday night. Is their element, unlike yours, who hasn't left their room for the last couple of weeks if it's not to go art-supply shopping and will spend even weekends far away from a place like this.

But you couldn't say no. Not to Hobi. Not after he held you tight that night and didn't pray for an explanation.

He had come up with his own conclusions, though, and that's how you ended here. On a double date with Mai and her friend who you don't even know, so... Yay! Blind date added to the mix of reasons why you already want the night to end.

"You made it!" Mai greats when the both of you get closer to the bar, standing up to hug you first and then her boyfriend. "We ordered something while waiting."

Your friend nods at the explanation, "What do you want?" He asks in your direction and you settle for a fruity cocktail to not look too out of place with everyone else drinking. Mai insists on going with Hobi and he insists you stay, so, a bit awkwardly, you take the stool besides your date.

"Yoongi, by the way." The guy simply introduces himself before taking a sip of his drink.

"Y/n" short, overthinking if bowing is too formal until you decide is too long of a pause and it would only make it more awkward. In the end, a soft smile is your decision.

"They look cute together," you say looking at your friends, trying to break the silence that has fallen between.

"Listen," Yoongi begins, and your head turns to him, "I'm only here because she asked, so if you're expecting something like that, let's just leave."

"Like that?" Brows slightly closer, "a cute relationship?"

"A relationship in general. I don't do those."

"Oh..."

And before you can say anything else, Hobi is placing a glass in front of you, smiling reassuringly. "You'd be okay if I go dance now?"

A pause and then a nod is the answer. Not having any intentions of spoiling their night.

"Don't worry. Yoongi," Mai turns to him, a serious expression on her soft features, "you better take care of her, alright?"

He salutes, earning a smile from the couple and they walk to the dance floor hand in hand. You watch them make some silly moves at first and giggle, but it doesn't take long before they start to follow the beat and match it with their movements.

"I don't want a relationship either," you clarify, tone assertive, still looking at the couple with a smile.

He laughs, "I'm sorry, but that's hard to believe."

"Why?"

"Look at me and tell me you didn't just imagine yourself with someone on that dance floor."

You turn to him, brown eyes inspecting yours, "Well, yes. But that doesn't mean I want it to happen with someone I'm in a relationship with."

Again, he laughs. Clearly not believing you.

"What? People do casual things all the time," you defend, straightening your back and looking away.

"You do 'casual things'?" His eyebrows raise, "all the time?"

"Shut up, you don't know me."

"That's a no," no need to look at him to know there's a smirk playing on his lips.

"Who are you? Some kind of hook up police or something?" You want to take it back as soon as it leaves your mouth, cringing.

"Are you gonna show me your license?" but he is faster.

"Okay, that was more lame than what I said," you laugh. Maybe he is not as grumpy as he seems. And maybe, just maybe, you would be able to enjoy the night after all. 

If he doesn't want a relationship either, then you don't have to deal with rejecting him or being forced to accept a second date just because you're too kind to say no. That's good.

"Yoongi, hey!" A guy calls out and for a split second your date's expression changes to a surprise one before a polite smile takes place on his face. "Oh, hi. Sorry for interrupting, haven't seen him in months."

"Is alright," you play along even when not understanding.

"I guess he has been busy with yo—"

"Jay," Yoongi's tone is serious, like the one he used to say he doesn't do relationships. However, before he can continue or you are able to clarify that you two just meet, Jay is calling someone over.

"Look who I found, love. Yoongi!"

A redhead girl repeats Yoongi's early expression and you wonder two things about Jay. One: if he always has that effect on people. And two: if he is even more clueless than you in this whole situation, since his smile never falls.

"Hi," the redhead says and Yoongi greets back just as plain.

Are you really imagining the awkwardness? Perhaps you were wrong and in the end you should put one of your plans to avoid it into place?

A few seconds of thinking go by, no one says anything and you could swear the tension is filling the air around your new  group.

"Oh, that's the song!" Fake excitement in your voice tricks everyone into looking at you. "I promise, remember? If it comes on, we'll dance."

Yoongi looks confused for a second, but it doesn't take him long to finally understand, "right, the song. Sorry guys, been waiting all night."

Jay dismisses him smiling with a pat on the back, saying something about not breaking promises and Yoongi takes your hand.

Looking around, you try to find your friends, hoping to copy Mai's moves and keep up with the plan even when you're a self proclaimed not dancer. But they aren't in sight and even if you can't really prove it since your back is facing them, you feel like Jay's and the girl's eyes are on you.

When Yoongi stops and positions himself in front of you, you get closer, sliding an arm on top of his shoulders pretending you're positioning yourself to dance, copying the random couple beside you.

Ugh. Why did you use this plan?

Why was this something you even thought about?

"I don't know what I'm doing," you confess in a whisper.

"What do you mean?” He looks for your eyes, hair strain coming out of place when his head lowers a little, "you want to go back and sit down?"

"No, then they would know I lied," you're still trying to figure out why in the first place and don't need the embarrassment too, "but I don't know how to dance."

He chuckles, "here, I'll help." And holds your hips softly, moving them to the beat of the song, matching your movements with his own. "Relax. Don't think too much about it."

"If I don't, how do I know how to move?" It doesn't make sense and is a bit frustrating, honestly.

"Is not a dance competition, or the grant ball, princess. Just do what feels right."

He catches you looking at your feet and brings you closer, eliminating the gap between your bodies completely. "Don't do that," one of his hands travels to the small of your back, keeping you in place.

"Sorry," you say against his neck. Not intentionally, but because of your height difference, there's no other option. In an effort to not be so dependent on him, both your arms move around his neck and you try to move your hips in a way that in the end doesn't match his movements completely, causing you to bum into his front. He makes a sound that you assume is a complaint at your skills and another apology rolls through your lips.

"Turn around," Yoongi commands, applying pressure to one side of your hip.

You comply, confused even when you feel his hands on your waist. "Well, I'm going to assume you been fucked before, miss casual all the time," with his chest against your back, you can feel his laugh. "Open your legs a little," one of his feets kicks gently between yours, fixing your stand. "You want to lead or should I?"

"...You." Is the safest, you decide. Your turn to assume he surpasses your experience at that too.

“Some describe dancing like a good fuck," he explains, hands softly making their way a bit lower to your hips, "because you have to learn your partner. Find a rhythm together." His movements start slow, moving your body with his from side to side, with small circles of the hips.

Your hands fall on top of his, not knowing what else to do with them. They're soft, which for some reason is unexpected.

"I have dancer friends and they never described it like that..."

"Not to you, probably," he laughs and when you stop the movements to throw an angry look his way — because you're pretty sure that's some kind of insult,— he chuckles, before continuing the swaying of your hips. "Calm down, princess. I meant, they probably just weren't teaching you this kind of dance."

And that makes sense. You can't imagine dancing with your friends like this. You can barely believe you're doing it with a stranger.

Your shyness must have shown, because his next question is why did you even choose this song.

"I was trying to help and get you away from whatever that was," you lift your head, eyes away from your feet and the color lights projecting on the floor, and sure enough, behind red bangs, the girl is looking in your direction.

Your hips halt.

Yoongi catches up a bit too late, bumping his pelvis into you.

"What ar—"

"She is looking." Cutting him off, you want to hide as if you were the one caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. So, you try to turn around on his arms but his hold is firm.

A new song starts, the rhythm not much different.

"Help me with another song?"

You try again, this time using your hands on top of his to soften the grip. He gives in. And after a look at his face, you nod.

You can decide if it's sadness or anger that you see, not knowing him well enough to tell — or at all, to be honest — but either way, there's a part of you that can relate. One for each emotion.

Throwing your hair back, letting all black strands fall over your back, your arms go back over his shoulders, this time your chest flush against him a little more than last.

Yoongi says thanks and you kiss his cheek as his hands hold you again. His movements are more determined and even his fingers form dents over the fabric of your dress.

Assuming his demeanor changed only for the specific viewer doesn't sound too crazy, and you want to confirm the theory by looking at his face, see if he is looking behind you at her. Your eyes travel against the direction the few sweat drops over his skin go, and when they reach Yoongi's, he is looking back at you.

Your body stops.

"Fuck" he whispers when the front of his pelvis bumps yours. "You really need to stop doing that."

"Sorry. Told you I can't dance."

He chuckles.

Your bottom lip forms a small pout. "Don't be mean. I'm trying to help you, remember?" And you initiate the movements again, starting to get the hang of it. Kind of.

"You're not much help right now if you keep making me dry hump into you," this time he is the one stopping, making it so you bump into his front and you can feel the outline of his growing erection.

"Yoo—"

"Exactly," he says so matter of fact, "you're the mean one."

Lowering your head, you try to not think too much about it. It doesn't make you want to run away or kick him, but you also don't want to make him feel like kicking you away. You keep repeating to yourself that is normal with this type of dance, that there's probably more than one hard on at the club right now and how you're probably not the only one who is getting we—

Damn it. Just stop thinking about it.

Yoongi stops your body from moving, and when you realize he has been calling your name, you're even more embarrassed by your thoughts.

"I'm sorry. That was too much, I shouldn't have. We can go sit now." His eyes are looking straight at you, letting you know he's being sincere.

"I need some air."

Without even bothering to wait for a confirmation that he is following or not, you make your way to the side door of the club. The autumn breeze hits your skin as soon as you step into the alley, instantly calming your hormones down.

Hands cover your face in shame after reclining on the wall. Can you stop acting like it was the first time you felt a penies? Because even if it hasn't happened in a while, it doesn't mean the score goes back to zero.

"Should I bring Hoseok?" Yoongi asks a few steps in front of you and you jump a little, shaking your head after.

"I'm good. You can go back in."

"I'm not leaving you alone here. Do you want him or Mai to kill me?"

A small chuckle leaves your throat and one from him follows it.

"And you think he wouldn't kill you for—" stop. You can't think about it.

"For dancing like that with you? Probably. But he also set this date up, so..." Out of the corner of your eye you can see him shrug, "can't complain unless you hate me now."

"I don't hate you."

"Is okay if you do."

"It… it just surprised me."

"In a bad or good way?"

"A good one." You answer directly in a strain of honesty.

"So you're not really the casual type, uh?" He teases after a couple seconds of silence.

"Maybe I just don't like doing casual in the middle of the club," you defend.

"I don't know, you were the one that kept humping into me."

Your mouth opens and closes, finally looking at him and his stupid lips pull up in a smirk. You want to erase it so bad.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

And you do.

Skipping forward, right hand flying to the back of his neck to pull him in and you're able to touch his lips with yours.

He is quick to react. Kissing you back, his hands on either side of your waist pulling your body into his. But you're trying to prove a point, to defend yourself. So, you pull away slightly, making sure your lips are just about to touch.

He pulls in.

Allowing just a peck, you move.

You kind of regret not using your cherry lip gloss, because you know for sure that knowing you're so close for him to smell it but not taste it, would be the biggest tease.

You let him lean in again, not moving this time and he sighs. You smile against his lips just before his tongue asks for permission to enter your mouth. Again, you regret your simple choice of a simple red lip tint, but remind yourself that this date wasn't supposed to go like this. That Yoongi doesn't seem like the guy he was supposed to be, not what he was advertised by your friends.

Fighting back control, your left arm joins the other around his neck, moving your lips expertly and feeling his chest rise and fall quickly against yours. Is pretty much the position you were in on the dance floor minus the grinding.

Casual in the middle of the club is not your thing. Casual in general is actually not something you have experience with. But kissing? You've mastered it thanks to your past relationships and the avoidance of jumping into someone's bed right from the start.

A moan vibrates through your lips against Yoongi's, and even if it's part of the routine, you must admit is pretty real. A soft groan is his answer and the cue for your heels to touch the floor again. His hold tightens in reaction, making your dress rise up and covering a couple inches less of your thighs. Suddenly you're aware of the wind again as a breeze runs up your legs, towards the center of your panties.

Your breath caughts on your throat and Yoongi swallows any sounds before pulling away.

"Fuck," he breaths heavily, "we've to stop."

"Why? Are you not really the casual type?" You tease, stealing his line.

The left corner of his mouth lifts, before falling again in a millisecond. "Not with you."

Should I’ve added “cliffhanger” to the warnings? haha i swear is gonna be okayyyy ♡ Tag list: @n33mesis , @mggv97 , @wobblewobble822 , @bbou-doir , @m00njinnie , @nariee02 , @sexytholland . hope you guys like this one <3

➪ The squad. | ➪ 02 | ➪ Updates for this verse | ♡ Tag list info ➪ Main masterlist. | ➪ Updates in general | ➪ Request & chats

[shakingparadigm]

it makes me very sad that we never seem to get till's perspective on the story... his rs with mizi is so underexplored when it literally constitutes a core aspect of his character (and this in turn lead to some uncharitable interpretations by those who want ivans love to be requited and well, the fandom in general), we barely even know abt his dynamics with other characters besides Ivan (and even that isnt told through his eyes), his past is just visible through glimpses etc. there's just so. Little about him. And yet he's such an interesting and complex little guy, i really really hope now that king yaoi the third's arc has concluded, we finally get some till crumbs bc im starving. or maybe the authors just downright hate him lmao

I've thought about this for quite a while!

I agree! Unlike the rest of the cast, Till doesn't have his own content where he states his thoughts and emotions (like Mizi's monologue, the Hyuna and Luka comic, Ivan's confession comic, the Mizisua interview + all other interviews). In many pieces of official art, Till is either a supporting character or comic relief, rarely in the focus. Although we saw a bit of him in the contents leading up to (and the few arts after) ROUND 6, ultimately they were centered on Ivan.

We've yet to hear from Till himself, to understand his thoughts from his own words and not from the perspective of other characters. On the rare occasion the focus is on him, it's devoted to his adoration for Mizi.

His relationship with Mizi underexplored... I mean, it is, but I feel that was intentional. Despite all his attachment to Mizi, he never actually managed to get close to her (although he spent a majority of his childhood trying). The goodbye letters reveal Till's regret at this fact, and from other pieces of content we can see that he was always too shy and afraid to approach her. His love for Mizi seems shallow and underdeveloped because, well, that's kind of just how it is. He's in love with the image of her he admired from afar. It's puppy love to the highest degree, but you know how humans in ALNST are. They'd completely break themselves down for love.

Funnily, this all seems in character for Till. We don't get to hear his thoughts because he's too rebellious for an interview. His most significant presence in the comics are when they are Ivan-centered, we lack his perspective because the moment always matters more to Ivan than it does to Till. His relationship with Mizi is underdeveloped because he himself has an underdeveloped understanding of her.

Okay, I know I keep going on about "oh we never get to hear Till's side!", but I acknowledge the fact that with Till, they seem to be going with a more "show, not tell" angle. We can't gauge how his thought process works through monologue, but the little things he does can say a lot about him (Crying over his lost recorder, a gift from Mizi. Picking fights when flowers are treated cruelly. Encouraging a wilting flower to keep surviving). He's not one for long monologues anyway, Till follows his heart through passionate action. Still, I really hope to one day have a comic narrated by him, something to put us in his perspective.

And on the last note, don't even worry about the authors hating him! I find it so funny to hear that, actually. QMENG and VIVINOS adore Till. He's actually QMENG's favorite! They love him so much they inserted themselves into a meme fangirling over him.

That's them right there. For their baby boy. Anyways, hopefully we can learn more about Till now that he's the only survivor left in the competition to face Luka. Apparently, they've had ROUND 7 planned for a really long time now. Both excited and nervous to see how it goes!

[hugmekenobi]

S3: The Bad Batch (8)

Chapter Eight: Bad Territory

Gif by @rebekadjarin

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Ever since Eriadu, Clone Force 99 had been a fractured squad. Months have passed but you're finally back with the Batch but Omega is still out there and you won't stop until you find her again.

Chapter Summary: The group is divided, each side with a mission of their own to follow

Masterlist for S1 and S2

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, angst, fluff, limited (y/n), Crosshair feeling left out, me making up how the Force can work/be used, more dancing around M-count things, and me making up a rough timeline

Word Count: 5.2K

Author's notes: Not gonna lie, I struggled a lot with this one for a variety of reasons but I hope people still like it! Thank you @burningfieldof-clover for your much needed and valued assistance during this!

Pabu

Omega sat on the steps of the Marauder anxiously tapping her boot as she stared at her commlink.

“You know staring at your comm won’t make Echo contact you any faster.” Crosshair told her as he approached.

Omega got to her feet with a sigh. “He and Rex lost most of their squad in that attack. All because the Empire was after me and (Y/N). I have to do something to help them.”

“You are. Follow (Y/N)’s example and keep staying away.” Crosshair said.

“Wow, I’ve never been used as a positive example before.”

Omega turned to see you and Hunter standing in the doorway of the Marauder.

“Crosshair’s right. We need to know more about why Hemlock’s after you and what his M-count experiments mean.” Hunter added. “Until then, you both have to lay low.” He said with a firm look at the two of you.

Hey, Omega is the priority here, not me.

“Don’t start with that.” Hunter chastised. “It’s a high chance that Hemlock being after Omega means he’s after you too, especially if M-counts are involved somehow.”

We don’t know that he’s after me specifically, I’ve always just had issues with any Imperial official. I’m more of a general Imperial threat. Me getting captured, I could wind up anywhere.

“That’s a very reassuring thought, thank you.” Hunter muttered sarcastically.

Besides, even when I handed myself in, I wasn’t sent to Tantiss so I might not even be on his radar since he seems to be looking for clones and not Jedi to test on. Omega is the one we know for sure that Hemlock is after.

“Hey! Incoming transmission. From Phee!” Wrecker came to tell the rest of you.

To be continued. You placed a chaste and pacifying kiss to his lips before you headed towards the cockpit.

“No, not to be continued, you’re laying low the same way Omega is!” Hunter called to your retreating figure before he too headed back in.

“They were arguing, and I didn’t hear a single word she said?” Crosshair as the two of you walked back inside.

“Hmm?” Omega stopped patting Batcher and then understood his question. “Oh that! You mean she hasn’t tried it with you yet?” Omega asked curiously. She’d honestly barely noticed the interaction; she was so used to moments like that now.

“Tried what?” Crosshair asked.

“It’s a Jedi communication thing.” Omega tried to explain but that was really all she could provide. “I don’t quite understand how it works but she does it with the rest of us. I’m sure if you asked her, she’d be able to do it to you too.”

“Right.” Crosshair said hesitantly, unsure as to what he could’ve done to make you think you couldn’t trust him with that. But he pushed that to the back of his mind for now before inquiring, “And Phee?”

“She’s a liberator of ancient wonders.” Omega said with an appropriate amount of showmanship.

Crosshair just stared at her unamused and not playing into the mystery she was trying to create.

“Pirate. She’s a pirate.” Omega admitted with a sigh.

How you lot had managed to make allies with a pirate was something he found himself wishing he’d been there to witness.

--

Wrecker put the transmission through.

“Hey Phee.” Omega said warmly.

“Hey kid.” Phee replied.

“What do you got for us?” Hunter asked.

“I’ve been asking around about this M-count thing, which hasn’t been easy, by the way. Tech’s brain was the data bank, not mine.”

The grief you were in constant battle with asked for another way in, but you let is wash over you as Phee continued to speak.

“But I came through. As always.”

“And what did you find out?” You asked.

“Word is, certain class one bounty hunters have been retrieving M-count target for the Empire.”

Again, you ruminated in your thoughts over this. Omega couldn’t have a high M-count, not in the way the Empire seemed to want, you’d know if she did. And it was all to do with clones, so it had to be something about their DNA specifically. “A high M-count signifies Force user potential. But that’s not got anything to do with you.” You added hastily as you saw Omega’s look of excitement. “So, why else would they need her if she has one?” You asked Phee.

“Don’t know. You’re better off asking a bounty hunter.” Phee replied.

“We have run into a few.” Hunter revealed.

“What about Fennec?” Omega suggested.

“Who?” Crosshair asked.

“Fennec Shand.” You said, your feelings about her made very clear by the distaste in your voice. “She was hired by Kaminoans to abduct Omega. Tried to pick me up along the way.”

“She might know something.” Omega said.

“She’s dangerous, but it might be our only option.” Hunter agreed and she definitely a better option compared to Cad Bane.

“I can probably track Fennec down for you.” Phee said. “But she’s not gonna hand over that information for free.”

“Naturally.” You and Crosshair said in the same wry tone.

But as he said that you, Hunter, and Omega noticed the way his hand began to tremor despite Crosshair’s efforts to stop and hide it.

“I gotta split. I’ll get back to you.” With that, Phee ended the transmission.

“Yeah, I don’t like it.” Wrecker said nervously to Hunter. “We can’t trust Fennec. Not around those two.”

“Agreed. You and I will go alone.”

“But-” Omega protested.

“Hold on-” You began to argue.

“This isn’t a debate.” Hunter said definitively. “Stay on Pabu and stay out of trouble. All of you.” He said to the three of you.

“Fine by me.” Crosshair drawled before he left the ship.

Hunter addressed the two of you once he’d gone, concern in his voice. “See if you can convince him to get his hand looked at. Ignoring it won’t make the problem go away.”

--

You walked back to the ship as you saw Hunter and Wrecker getting ready to depart.

“I already told you no.” Hunter said as you stood on the bottom of the door staircase.

“Hunter-”

“You and Fennec have a score to settle and I’m not going to tempt her with it. What we need to know is more important than that.”

“I know that but she’s dangerous and I don’t see how having someone else there to help would be such a bad idea.” You disputed.

Hunter went for another tact, “Did you hear Phee say the phrase ‘high M-count targets?’ ”

You ground out a sigh, “Yes.”

“And don’t you have one?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Did you hear that bounty hunters are being used to retrieve them?”

You shot him an exasperated look. “Yes.”

“Do you see where I’m going with this?”

You exhaled a defeated breath. “Yes.” You begrudgingly acknowledged.

“Good.” He came down a couple steps and placed both hands on your shoulders as he kissed your forehead. “We’ll be careful.”

“Yeah, you better.” You threatened but with a caring smile on your face. “I’ll see you soon.” You hopped off the stairs and watched the ship take off.

--

You rejoined Omega and Crosshair who were standing by the Wheeping Maya tree. “Sooo, what do we want to do today? Walk around, go for a boat ride, chill by the beach and talk about our feelings?” You broached casually. You couldn’t get away with making him sit down and push him into doing something about his hand- Omega had the better shot of using an approach like that. What you were doing fit the rhythm you and Crosshair had before everything in the galaxy went to shit.  

Crosshair ignored your suggestions. “You can help me train.” He said as he grabbed his rifle.

Omega glanced up at you to see if you wanted to say anything yet, but you only shook your head as you both followed him down to the beach cove.

--

“How’d you want to handle this?” Omega asked as Crosshair started prepping his scope.

I’ll open the door for you. Give us a few minutes.

--

“Target practice or hand-to-hand?” You asked as you reached him.

“Target.” Crosshair with a hard stare at you, warning you against any further unrelated conversation.

“I’m here to help as you requested.” You raised your hands in surrender, “I only ask because the most recent time you tried hand-to-hand; you got your ass handed to you.” You taunted as you made your way to your position and removing your lightsaber from your belt. “Now remember, the goal is to aim for me which finding the motivation for shouldn’t be too difficult.” Omega, when you hear the blaster fire stop, you’re up.

You weren’t facing him when you sensed the shot that was being aimed for the middle of your back. You ignited your lightsaber and blocked it on the half turn. “Hey, that was good!” You called back. “More like that and I might actually have to try!” You got into your stance and waited.

Crosshair heaved a sigh as he set himself again.

--

You disengaged your blade to signal that it was time to stop, and you lightly jogged over to where Crosshair was waiting. “Twenty shots, but only eleven I had to actually dodge or block… you really gotta sort that out, it’s not like you.”

Crosshair glared at you, “I forgot how annoying you were to train with.”

“Oh, I’m just the warmup.” You said with a knowing grin. “She’s the real challenge.” You nodded past his shoulder.

Crosshair followed your eyes, and he gulped as he saw Omega walking towards with gritty determination on her face. He already knew exactly how this was going to go.

--

Finding Fennec Shand hadn’t been very difficult, the hardest part now was getting her help without giving too much away.

“So, what kind of information can I help you with?” She asked, relaxing into the booth but she saw the wary look the two clones shared with each other. “See, the way this works is you tell me what intel or target you’re after, and I give you a price. So stop wasting my time.”

“We hear the Empire has a bounty out for M-count targets.” Hunter replied tentatively.

Fennec adjusted her posture. “Why do you wanna know about that? You trying to find your girl?” She looked at the helmeted clone who visibly tensed at her words. She sipped her drink. “She’s been quite the busy Jedi, nice price on her head too.”

“The why is our business.” Hunter said stiffly.

Fennec let the evasion slide and shrugged as she lounged back once more. “I haven’t done one of those jobs myself, but… I might know someone who has.”

“Can you put us in touch with them?” Hunter requested.

“Now that will definitely cost you.”

“How much?”

“More than you’ve got. But we might be able to work something out.” She took another gulp of her drink. “I’ve read your files from before.” She addressed the bigger clone, “You’re good with demolitions and ordnance, right?”

“Ha! ‘Good’? I’m the best.” Wrecker boasted proudly.

“And you’re the tracker.” Fennec said to the other one.

“What’s your point?” Hunter questioned warily.

“There’s a bounty I’ve been trying to bring in. Worth a lot. But he’s been hard to catch without a crew.”

“Oh, so you want us to work with you?” Wrecker sussed out.

“No. You’ll be working for me.” Fennec corrected. “You follow through, I’ll get you what you want to know.”

Hunter barely debated the situation in his head. Getting the information was all that mattered. “Deal.”

Fennec nodded and grabbed her stuff. “We’ll use my ship. And so we’re clear… I keep the payment on the bounty. All of it.”

--

Omega sat next to Crosshair whilst you crouched by Batcher’s side, absentmindedly petting the hound as AZ finished scanning Crosshair’s hand.

“How does your hand feel now?” AZ inquired.

“The same.” Crosshair grunted dejectedly as he massaged it with his good hand.

“Unfortunately, it may never heal 100%.”

“There’s nothing else you can do?” Omega appealed.

“I have exhausted all the medical treatment options. Perhaps the issue is not something physical.” AZ theorised.

“You think it’s in my head?” Crosshair hissed angrily.

“If you were to elaborate more on the experimentation you were subjected to, I could determine the cause.”

“Forget it.” Crosshair snapped as he shoved past the droid.

You jumped to your feet attempted to catch his arm, but he shrugged you off.

“Crosshair?” Omega called out to him as he left but he didn’t look back.

“If he won’t talk about it, I’m not sure how else we can help him.” You pondered anxiously.

“I have another idea.” Omega said. “But you need to be there too.”

--

“We’re working for her now? We don’t even trust her.” Wrecker whispered as he and Hunter stood in the back of Fennec’s ship. It wasn’t like Hunter to not think through the dangers of taking a job like this on.

“What choice do we have? We need that information. Just be ready for anything.” As soon as Hunter said that the door slid open, and Fennec appeared.

“We made a deal. I’m going to keep it as long as you hold up your end.” Fennec reminded the clones.

“Wanna tell us who it is we’re going after?” Hunter asked.

Fennec brought out the puck and activated the image. “Sylar Saris. ‘The Slayer od Ordo Eris’. One of the slipperiest marks around. Got a tip on his location.”

“Well, what did he do?” Wrecker asked.

“Hmm. Got greedy. Took out a couple top bosses for the Haxion Brood and escaped with a cache of credits. Powerful people want him found. The other hunters that went after him? Never came back.” She waited half a second before continuing, “Sylar knows the planet like the back of his claw. But eventually, everyone’s luck runs out.” Fennec turned off the puck as she finished the brief and retreated to the pilot seat.

--

You watched the line of fruit on the rock ahead as Crosshair raised his rifle, but his hand was still trembling, so his shot skimmed the top of the fruit he had been aiming for. You had thought a degree of normalcy was what he needed but now it was time for both you and Omega to push him- even a little bit. “That was close.” You said encouragingly.

“Close doesn’t count. It’s either a hit or miss.” Crosshair replied sharply.

“You’re still more capable than most.” Omega said with a soothing touch of his arm.

Crosshair only sighed and sat with his back against the rock. “That’s not good enough for a sniper.”

You and Omega both hopped up on the rock.

“Have you ever considered that AZ might be right?” You proposed slowly, your voice kind and gentle. You knew how hard accepting help with something like this could be and it couldn’t be rushed into.

“Whatever they did to you on Tantiss could’ve affected you more than you realise.” Omega backed up the suggestion in a similar tone.

“No. No, no. It’s not in my head.” Crosshair disagreed.

“Just because there’s nothing AZ can do, doesn’t mean your hand can’t get better.” Omega said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you’re the one who has to fix it.”

Crosshair considered it. “How?”

“I’m glad you asked.”

Crosshair glanced over at you to see a familiar scheming smile on your face but there was a kindness to your eyes that told him you weren’t messing around with this. “I’m not gonna like it, am I?”

You and Omega shared a smile, “You don’t like anything.” You two said in unison as you left the rock.

“True.” Crosshair conceded with a sigh as he got to his feet.

--

The light was all but gone and between the toxic swamp air, the mines in the river, and the gators that attacked them, it had already been a trying journey and things weren’t getting much better since Hunter couldn’t get a proper read on the current anymore.

“Well, tracker? Which direction?” Fennec asked as she slowly steered the hired boat.

“The currents are too calm to tell.” Hunter admitted reluctantly.

“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you guys aren’t cut out for this job.” She said irritably.

“Oh. You think you could do better without us?” Wrecker challenged.

“I wouldn’t be doing any worse.”

“Well, (Y/N) got the best of you and even Omega managed to get away.”

“Apparently, they both got away from you too.” She watched as that clearly hit a mark with both of them. “So what happened? I know what your girl’s been up to, tracker, but what went down for her to get to that? And how’d you lose the kid?”

“What’s it to you?” Hunter deflected coldly as he pulled out his macro’s and searched ahead for any sign of Sylar’s safehouse.

“Just seems odd. You’re both willing to work for me, considering our past. That information must really be important to you.”

Hunter said nothing. He feared that anything he would say would give something more away.

“And just so you know, I didn’t lose Omega. I let her go when the bounty was called off.” Fennec informed them.

“By who?” Hunter asked, turning to look at her.

“The client. They thought Omega would be safer with you guys. Guess they were wrong about that.” She glanced between them both. “And your Jedi wasn’t worth the trouble since there wasn’t a set bounty on her at the time. Though, if I saw her again, with the price on her head that might change.” Fennec couldn’t help but goad. She scoffed as she saw the helmeted glare from the tracker.

“I guess you’ll work for anybody as long as you get paid.” Wrecker said with a hint of disgust.

“Good guys, bad guys. Their money is all the same.” Fennec said breezily.

“Well, money’s not everything.” Hunter said.

“That’s cause you don’t have any.”

Hunter couldn’t respond to that because there was nothing to argue against. He simply brought his binoculars back and scanned the water. “Someone came through here. Veer starboard up ahead.”

--

‘Slippery mark’ had been right. They’d been able to find his hideout but actually subduing Sylar had proven a far more difficult feat than anticipated.

In the end, it had taken a team effort from the three of them to knock out the insectoid and even then, it had taken four stun blasts to successfully managed it.

Wrecker released a breathless groan as he stepped over the target. “You were right to bring us along.”

“I’m always right. Grab him and let’s go.” Fennec instructed.

--

“If this is a Jedi technique, how is this going to help me?” Crosshair asked dubiously as he saw you and Omega sit cross-legged with your hands on your knees on a rock facing out to the sea, the orange sunset giving the water a warm purple hue.

“One, it’s not solely a Jedi technique because, as you can see, Omega does it.” You pointed out.

“But-”

“Two, I’m also out of practice so we can both learn together. Come and sit down.” You encouraged, patting the space between you and Omega.

Crosshair reluctantly mirrored both your positions. “So, this technique…”

“Mediation.” Omega reminded him. “It’ll help you heal. Not just your hand, but your mind too.”

“I doubt that.” Crosshair tried to follow the example of you two, but he couldn’t quiet his mind and his hand had started to shake again. He inhaled sharply as he felt Omega take a hold of it and turn it so that his palm was facing up.

You closed your own eyes and spoke calmly. “You need to breathe. Take slow, deep breaths and find your centre. Focus on yourself and what you’re feeling and accept it. Let it pass through you and don’t run away from it.” You guided him as you followed your own advice and found yourself becoming one with the living Force around you.

“And don’t compare yourself to her. It works slightly differently.” Omega told him.

Crosshair glanced at you from the corner of his eye to already see that you were completely at peace, and it looked like nothing could ever bring you out of it. “Where did you learn this? Did she teach you?” He asked Omega.

Omega kept her eyes shut as she replied, “No, she hadn’t done it until after I picked it up from my friend Gungi, and the other Wookies on Kashyyyk. But she helped me with it thereafter. I think she needed that moment again too.”

“You’ve been to Kashyyyk?”

“Uh huh.” Omega took another deep inhale and exhale. “You’ve missed a lot.”

“I know.” Crosshair realised.

“Now, close your eyes and focus.” Omega repeated.

Crosshair did as you both suggested and let go.

--

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Fennec said as the clone departed her ship.

“Hang on.” Hunter turned on his heels. “You promised us information.”

“I didn’t say I had it on me, but I’ll get it. Ater I deliver Sylar to my client.”

“That’s not what we agreed on.” Hunter growled.

“You can either fight me or trust me. Take your pick.”

Hunter shared a look with Wrecker but decided it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Good choice.” Fennec before she stepped into her ship and brought the ramp up.

Hunter and Wrecker could only watch her ship leave the station hangar. Having to trust the word of a bounty hunter was not the ideal situation they wanted to be or leave in.

--

Fennec put through the transmission and addressed the hologram.“I just finished a job with some clones. They were asking about the Empire’s M-count bounties. What can you tell me?” She digested the muffled chatter that came in response. “I’m sure you can find them easily enough. I’ll send you what I have.”

--

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), we’ve finished.” Omega shook your shoulder. “Come back.”

You jolted back to the current moment. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Just wanted to tell you that Wrecker and Hunter are back.” Omega said as she stood back up. “How was it this time?” She asked you.

You exhaled deeply. “Better but I could still feel my focus drifting more than it used to.” Plus, no matter how often you trained in it, you had never gotten to see your master again and you were beginning to think it had been a one-time deal. If what you needed to talk to him again was to reach a certain level of emotional turmoil, you wouldn’t want to get to that place again. “How was it for you?”

“It was good.” She replied cheerily before she set off to meet up with Hunter and Wrecker, Batcher close at her heels.

“How’d it go?” You asked Crosshair as you got to your feet.

“Eh, I still don’t get it.” Crosshair grunted in reply.

You smiled understandingly at him. “It gets easier.”

“I know, I’ll keep trying.” He took a step in the direction Omega had gone but your voice stopped him.

“I’m not talking about the meditation.” You said softly as you grabbed his shoulder to turn him to face you. “I’m talking about dealing with whatever it was that happened to you.”

Crosshair cast his eyes to the ground. “I can’t tal-”

“Believe me, I understand how hard it can be to recount experiences like that, so I don’t expect you to, not any time soon. The second you wanted to; I would be there but that’s not what I’m saying right now.” You reassured him.

Crosshair regarded you carefully. “Then- then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that whatever you’re feeling, whatever memories in your head that are so fresh it feels like they’ll haunt you forever, it’s okay to feel them. And, while they may never go away entirely, it does get easier.” You looked at him with warm sincerity. “Just don’t bury them because that’s when they’ll eat you alive.”

Crosshair’s eyes widened slightly at your words as he recognised the place you were coming from, and he was grateful for them.

“Or not dealing with them can lead to reckless and damaging decisions that get your face slapped on every Imperial noticeboard across the Outer Rim. Take your pick.” You joked to lighten the mood again.

Crosshair managed a smile at that.

You patted his shoulder. “I meant what I said though, it gets better. We’re all here for you.” You started to walk away to see Hunter and Wrecker to find out what information they got from Fennec.

“Omega mentioned a Jedi communication thing you do?” Crosshair said to your back.

“Yeah, I do it with all of them.” You called back over your shoulder.

“All?”

“Uh huh.” You said casually before you stopped in your tracks as you realised what he was getting at. You swivelled around again, “Oh! Yeah! I can do that to you whenever you want!”

“But you haven’t.” Crosshair countered as he walked over to you.

You shrugged. “You said you needed time to adjust, and I didn’t want to freak you out.” You replied simply. “I wasn’t conspiring to keep it from you, I just didn’t want to assume anything.”

“If you still don’t trust me, I-”

You rolled your eyes. “Would you shut up; I just said it was because I thought you needed more time. Do you want me to do it with you too?”

Crosshair shifted on his feet. He didn’t like the position he suddenly found himself in, it felt rather pathetic.

“It’s a simple yes or no, come on, we have places to be.”

“I’m sure Hunter can last ten minutes without your mouth attached to his.”

“Okay, see now you’re just pissing me off.” You tossed your hands in the air and went to turn away.

“Yes.” Crosshair grumbled. He’d already missed out on so much and he didn’t want this to be yet another thing.

“That wasn’t too hard, was it?” You drolled. “Give me your hands.”

“Why?” Crosshair asked suspiciously.

“Because I’m actually in love with you.” You jibed flatly as you shot him a look of exasperation.

Crosshair rolled his eyes at you. “Gross.”

“Sometimes it helps when it’s a first connection, especially when I haven’t been around someone for quite a while.”  You explained. You held yours out and waited expectantly.

Crosshair hesitantly complied- both hands steady this time- and watched you intriguingly.

“Fair warning, it can feel a bit weird.” You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You reached into his Force signature, and it was what you expected. It was barbed and you could feel a resistance- a wall- to it. But there was also vulnerability, a longing for growth and acceptance, that wanted to let you in and that was what you appealed to. When you felt that the connection was there, you opened your eyes and looked at him. Now, can we go see your brothers please?

“Okay, that’s really fucking weird.” Crosshair said as you let go of his hands.

Hey, you asked. You grinned at him before the two of you officially set off to go meet the ship.

--

One week later

“Any word?” Omega asked as she and Crosshair stepped into the Marauder. They’d been mediating by the Maya tree and decided to come check in. The news that Fennec didn’t have any immediate information to offer had been disappointing and each day that went by without any communication only let that disappointment grow.

“Nothing.” Wrecker groused.

“Fennec never told us how long she’d take.” Hunter admitted before he noticed you weren’t with them. “Where’s-”

“Don’t know. We thought she was with you.” Crosshair said as he placed a toothpick in his mouth.

“You’ve not seen her all day?” Hunter double-checked. He’d seen you when you’d woken up but then you’d left, and he and Wrecker had been on the ship for most of the day.

“No, we haven’t. Batcher must be with her too.” Omega guessed since the hound hadn’t been with them and wasn’t anywhere on the ship.

Hunter mulled this over in his head. This isolation you were now putting yourself in since you’d heard the news about Fennec’s lack of information was beginning to become a real habit.

“Three seconds. That’s all it took for you to decide to go find her.” Crosshair teased, earning a snicker from Wrecker in the process.

“Shut up.” Hunter mumbled as he left the ship.

--

You had been aimlessly wandering the shoreline, occasionally chucking a stick Batcher had found for her to chase.

The Empire,

Omega,

M-count,

Jedi,

Clones,

The Empire,

Omega,

M-count,

Jedi,

Clones…

You ran that list over and over again in your head but couldn’t see the connection. The Jedi were dead and hated by the Empire- what could they need that M-count for? Omega wasn’t Force sensitive and neither were any other clones but that was Hemlock’s main test subject choice. So, what was it about an M-count in clone genetics that mattered so much? What were you overlooking? A demanding bark pulled you out your thoughts and you saw Batcher had dropped the stick at your feet and was waiting expectantly.

“Tell me, Batcher, what am I missing?” You crouched down and held the sides of her face in your palms and smiled at the hound. “Tell me, girl!” You laughed as she let out an affectionate whine and licked your cheek.

“You know, it might help to share your theories with someone who can actually talk back?”

“Uh oh, the tracker found me.” You said as you scratched her jaw before you glanced past her with an affectionate look to the clone walking towards you. “And how’d do you know she doesn’t?” You disputed light-heartedly as you stood up taller.

“You’re right, I don’t.” Hunter played into the joke as he reached you before he turned more serious. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

“Nothing.” You said dismissively.

Hunter just stared at you with a knowing look on his face. “Don’t do that, don’t shut me out. You’re not keeping to yourself for no reason.”

You remembered your own advice to Crosshair and swallowed tightly. “It’s right in front of my face, Hunter. I should know why this M-count matters for Omega but it’s not clicking and it’s driving me insane!” You rubbed a hand across your tired face. “I don’t know what I’m not seeing.” You confessed as you hung your head with a defeated breath.

Hunter placed his hands on your upper arms and brought his eyes to your level. “If it were obvious, we’d know it already.” He said as he rubbed his thumbs comfortingly up and down your arms. “You don’t need to keep working through this alone.”

“I just feel so useless. I should be able to figure this out!” You said with a frustrated huff.

“I know, it’s hard to just wait it out, but Fennec will come through. Until then, we just have to be patient.” Hunter said as he put his arm around your waist as the two of you and Batcher headed back to rendezvous with the others. “Jedi are meant to be good at that, right?”

“Would it shock you to know that I struggled with that?” You remarked satirically as you mirrored his actions.

Hunter chuckled. “Not in the slightest.”

Next Chapter (to be posted)>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @arctrooper69, @notgonnaedit, @dominoeffectsworld, @andreaaxy, @nightmonkeysstuff @superbookishhufflepuff

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[the-owl-tree]

I'm sorry if I've asked you this before, I genuinely don't remember, but why does everyone dislike yellowfang's secret? I like it a lot as a story, I find her powers silly but no one seems to have that issue... What is it?

It's been a while since I've read it so I'm going off of memory but my general reasons why I had so many problems getting through the book were:

Yellowfang herself isn't really Yellowfang? She's not snappy or grumpy and doesn't really act in the same way she does in TNP. She's just kind of the punching bag of the book without any of her signature sass to at least make her as a protagonist enjoyable.

The power in itself is an unnecessary retcon, it's only there to force Yellowfang into becoming a medcat and, well, there lies an even bigger issue: we are once again recycling the plotline of a cat forced to be a medcat when oooghgh they just wanna be average :( it's frustrating to me that Yellowfang gets so much of her own autonomy ripped away in this book, to the point where she can't even CHOOSE to be a medcat.

Her backstory in the original books was that she was a Warriors turned medcat and that's interesting. The life of the warrior is glamorized, it's the ideal life for Clan cats, so characters who CHOOSE to turn their back on it to heal are really interesting conceptually! The powers completely ruin this, it's a cheap cop out that's forgotten as soon as the book doesn't have to force Yellowfang into a job she should've wanted.

Why do books treat this position like a punishment or something embarrassing. It's Bad Writing above all because the position is important! It is a necessary part of the Clan to function, medcats should be treated with respect! But that's a whole other response.

That's also where Sagewhisker comes in, the mentor figure who, uh, pressures Yellowfang into doing something she doesn't want to do and yet the narrative continues to affirm is Correct.

I could go on but Bonefall has a good post on Sagewhisker that I personally agree with that adds screenshots and details.

It's just....miserable watching Yellowfang be dragged into a position she doesn't want and I don't know why they would choose the most miserable possible route with this character.

That's not even getting into Raggedstar, the good ol' abusive male love interest who's actions are swept under the rug as he guilt trips, berates, and generally treats Yellowfang like garbage! Despite an entire super edition of abuse and the website acknowledging he's abusive - his actions will never fully be held accountable and he will consistently be portrayed as the Nice Leader who just wanted what was best for his Clan <3

His own abuse of Yellowfang is never acknowledged and fuck's sakes the books play the Nightcloud card and go "well, guess what, it's a WOMAN'S fault that Brokenstar happened!"

In a book already swimming with misogynistic writing, the authors decided to up the ante and introduce Lizardstripe: the mean bitch mom who doesn't want to be a mom and that's all you need to be told to know she's an abusive evil woman.

The book will never actually show you scenes of her being abusive, they will literally just write scenes of her saying she doesn't want to be a mother as a shorthand of her being abusive.

I'm sure this definitely doesn't factor into the writing team's incredibly conservative ideology towards motherhood's and women's roles.

I'm gonna link Bonefall again, he's just good posts that really delve into the problems with this and I'd honestly just be reiterating a lot of his posts if I talked on my own lol

Yellowfang's Secret takes everything interesting about Yellowfang and just flat out ignores it or makes it worse. It's miserable to read, it's just page after page of Yellowfang getting beaten down.

And you could argue that's the point, that Yellowfang believes she deserves her troubles, but I don't think that's the case. I think the book is just troubling in its handling of motherhood and abuse, it handles them poorly.

Bad Book i guess. sucks! i think Yellowfang as a character could fill up an entire super edition, but the one they wrote is miserable garbage.

I can't even remember the plot outside the medcat stuff. Idk mean clan cat invasion time for no reason?? Uuhh kittypet attack?? i don't find it memorable outside of the stuff that actively upset me.

[animezinglife]

Children of Fallen Gods is already a step up from Daughter of No Worlds in my opinion. Carissa seems to get better with each book she writes and once she hits her stride, she does so very well.

Max and Tisaanah's relationship feels much more authentic, emotional, and grounded in this one right off the bat.

I did think it was a tad rushed in the first one (I thought the tension was really starting to build a bit later on and didn't initially think they'd get together at all until the second book) and didn't have as much foundation as it could have, but that almost seems to be resolving itself somehow in this one. Like there are roots slowly taking hold in the story.

I'm only about a hundred pages in so far, so more thoughts to be continued...

[greenerteacups]

thoughts on Ginny and Harry as a couple?

There are a lot of people who find their romance in HBP forced. I don't think it's forced so much as underwritten, and the books don't get the chemistry quite right (though the movies certainly don't, either). There's potential, but they just don't get enough actual scenes of substance (besides Harry thinking she's pretty or feeling jealous of Dean) for a lot of readers to buy that they're not only in love, but deeply enough in love to break up, get back together, and wind up married.

That's not to say I don't see the appeal. There's a very cool scene in Book 5 where Harry's doing a woe-is-me-Chosen-One act, and Ginny effortlessly puts him in his place about it by reminding him that she was possessed by Voldemort at eleven, which is a rare glimpse into her character and also a great synecdoche for their relationship — Ginny is a grounding presence who, like Ron and Hermione, isn't going to be awed by his past adventures because she knew him before they happened. In that respect, Ginny's probably one of the few women Harry could feasibly wind up with, because he only ever seems comfortable around people (let alone girls) who can see past the Chosen-One schtick and treat him like a normo (see: Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, Luna, Hagrid). True to type, he doesn't get interested in Ginny at all until she's ditched her celebrity crush and ceased to view him as an idol, because in his heart of hearts, Harry wants to be a normal boy, and it's stressed over and over that part of what he likes about his relationship with Ginny is how normal it feels. He kind of has a horribly supercharged version the celebrity dating problem: after the Battle of Hogwarts, anyone he meets is going to know him first as Harry Potter, Chosen One, Boy Who Lived, and Actually Fucking Resurrected Messiah of the Wizarding World, which is... I mean, it's possible that there are witches out there who could get over that, but Harry's not an extroverted guy, and I'm not sure how he'd go about finding them. Ginny's the one who's been there since the beginning, doesn't need anything about him or his past explained to her, and actually likes him for who he is.

When you look at it that way, it's not surprising he married his high school girlfriend. She's one of the few people still alive who doesn't see him as a demigod.

[heartbeatbookclub]

I think, in a lot of ways, Monika and Sayori are reflections of each other.

Really, I think all of the girls are similar in a lot of their issues (self-esteem, anxiety, etc) and that's something emphasized in a lot of the stories, and a big part of why they all gravitate towards each other and work to create the club as a safe space for all of them, but I think Monika and Sayori in particular are just very much alike.

I think Trust really emphasized this similarity in the reveal of Sayori's poem, Become the Flower.

Prior to shifting focus onto the poem, Monika talks to herself about her real vision for the Literature Club. I think here, Monika points out what Sayori actually meant when she said that Monika was "trying to make the club [she] needs the most, out of anyone", even if she doesn't actually realize that yet. It's pretty clear that when she says that literature is a window to the real self underneath the person who's "forced to always smile and blend in", and is "forced to be perfect", she's really talking about herself.

I think that a lot of Monika's character throughout Trust is expressed more subtly, often in a roundabout way like this. A huge part of the story is centered around Monika's own personal struggles expressing herself, and that trait is pretty well exemplified in this indirect way of talking about her own struggles. I think that the reason why Monika's characterization here is so subtle overall is reflective of this.

And I think it's pretty blatant that this is statement is also meant to be reflective of Sayori, given that we immediately move from this statement onto the poem which reveals to Monika that she's been hiding her own problems. In this way, I think Team Salvato wanted to explicitly point out how similar they really are, and draw your attention to it.

I think that the way that Trust as a story is put together is meant to really emphasize just how similar they are even in their differences; spending a great deal of time focusing on Monika's own problems, to then showcase Sayori as the mirror to them.

I think the two of them make a very interesting pair in that respect, because a big similarity they have is that they very much place others above themselves, so they both end up individually building each other up while they put themselves down. It creates this strange back and forth where they each insist they suck and the other is great, when the reality is that they're both pretty fantastic.

In the statement Monika made to herself about her vision of the club, while it's clear she's talking about herself, she frames it in the context of somebody else getting those benefits out of the Literature Club, rather than herself. Throughout the entirety of Trust, she speaks dismissively of her efforts and her problems alike, while pointing out that Sayori is providing a lot of help. Sayori by contrast spends most of her time hyping her up and points out, explicitly, that Monika doesn't give herself enough credit. She also dismisses her own efforts, pointing out in most things she does, up into the climax, that Monika is a lot better than her at whatever she's doing. And when Sayori's problems are actually revealed, she explicitly says that she doesn't want Monika to worry about her, and that she doesn't want to have this conversation.

I think this all really shows that both of them are averse to tackling their own problems head-on, and I think this comes out of a fear of being vulnerable, since that's directly mentioned several times in Monika's issues openly expressing herself.

I think what makes Monika's particular brand of self-negging quite so disheartening is that she dismisses it out of hand as her being silly and dramatic, and in that way, she doesn't actually address the fundamental problem underlying it, nor does she actually address the statements themselves as incorrect. The amount of time she spends talking down her own problems as something trivial and silly, particularly in comparison to Sayori's problems, are a manifestation of her own desire to avoid the vulnerability of even having these problems, and it's just...heartbreaking. Sayori's denial is its own can of worms, but Monika's ability to so consistently minimize her issues when they are clearly still impacting her is so uniquely troublesome.

I think a big difference between the two of them in that respect is that Monika wears significantly more of her heart on her sleeve, so Sayori finds it a lot easier to directly target Monika's problems than Monika does in the reverse, but their individual habits of avoidance are coming from the same place.

I'm traveling a bit aimlessly in this essay, trying to tie things together nicely as I see them, but there are just a lot of similarities I notice between their actions and the way they think that showcase that they have a lot of the same problems, and a huge theme in Trust is expressing oneself, which both Monika and Sayori struggle to do, in much the same way.

I think a key similarity between the two of them is their tendency to catastrophize over a situation when left alone, mostly revolving around seeing the worst possible scenario for how they could've personally messed up the situation. I'm just rewatching Trust for this little essay, so there are two major moments I see Monika doing this, but I remember Sayori doing this...a few times, actually, throughout the side stories.

I think the spiral Monika goes into after reading Become the Flower is particularly important, as it exemplifies the habit of dismissing her own problems fantastically; in this case, she has an excuse. It's true that Monika's issues with her perfectionism seem silly and trivial in comparison to Sayori's, but that's exactly the thing: She shouldn't be comparing them in the first place! Her problems are real, and they clearly cause her distress, but because Sayori's own issues appear so much more serious than hers, she dismisses them wholesale as her being dramatic and silly. Because Monika's problems seem so small, she doesn't see them for the problems they really are. In the same way, because her own accomplishments and work seem so small, she doesn't see them for the accomplishments they are.

This spiral showcases Monika's biggest problem, the reason why she has such trouble expressing herself, and conversely, the exact same problem Sayori has. She doesn't want to be the center of attention.

Put another way, she doesn't think she deserves to be the center of attention. Her problems are so trivial; her accomplishments menial. Her fear of vulnerability isn't a fear that others will hurt her; it's a fear of being selfish.

Sayori is very similar, in that the reason she actively works to avoid showing any possible sign that anything is wrong is because she doesn't want anyone to worry about her. She doesn't want other people to dedicate time and energy to her.

I think that for both of them, this comes from low self-esteem. Sayori is self-explanatory I think, but I'd say Monika's perfectionism makes it exceptionally difficult for her to really feel accomplished in anything she does, which, coupled with her constant preoccupation with how she appears to other people (I think Monika places very high expectations on herself. I mean, Trust literally starts with her frantically apologizing and saying "I normally don't ever do this!" when Sayori finds her napping) makes it very difficult for her to feel confident in herself.

The fear both Sayori and Monika have in being vulnerable isn't that people will use that vulnerability to hurt them.

It's that people will try to help them.

And I think that's a really big part of why Sayori feels like she can trust Monika with her darkest thoughts, because she understands that they're the same in a lot of ways.

Monika created the club which she needed the most...and it was also the club Sayori needed the most, for the exact same reason.

I think it's kinda easy to overlook a lot of this because of the sheer amount of focus placed onto Sayori and the more explicit issue Monika has (insofar as the plot is concerned), but I think Sayori is exactly what Monika needs just as much as Monika is what Sayori needs.

[sskk-manifesto]

(*・ω・*)b♪

[hybrix-hidings]

Tpp Season 4 spoilers

Okay but also when you consider that Rita is older than Juno by probably an absolute minimum of five years (and let's be real, it's probably closer to ten) so much of the shit she did to stick around and help him out makes that much more sense. Sure, the difference in maturity between 38-43/48 may not be so huge, but remember, they met when Juno was about 19. Whether she was 24 or 29, she would have still seen Juno as a kid.

And when someone you perceive as a kid goes through so many lengths to help you keep your own job and save your name while his own gets dragged through the mud? When everything they do in efforts to help make something better only smacks them into the dirt?? Of course you're going to want to help! Of course she stayed, that's her Dumb Baby Sibling who did something really rash and stupid and brave.

And once you see someone that way, your viewpoint never really changes. I'm sure 20 years of working together changed it a bit to where he's not really a kid anymore, but he also is in her heart. This is up until he can do some proper growing up in s2, where his new maturity and will to live put them on slightly more equal ground.

Idk. I just have feelings about Rita and Juno and their whole relationship I love them so much

[llycaons]

truly do find 'perfect' sweet little kids who exist to be cute and protected extremely boring to the point of aggravation but alluka DOESN'T fit that description because she's been neglected and isolated her whole life, she is soul-bonded with a horrifying (to many) and nearly omniscient being, she is endlessly sweet and loving to really only one person, and she STANDS UP TO that person when he hurts someone else she cares about!! she may not have a lot going on but her character and personality contrasts her situation so much to make it really striking. and I'm a sucker for close brother/sister relationships!! so sue me!!!

[mariatesstruther]

the way some ppl villainize maria whilst simultaneously extending the most grace humanly possible to tommy and and abby and joel and tess is….. odd

[badscienceman]

forever annoyed by the inability to have constructive conversations involving media criticism anymore. I feel bonkers because it's like everything immediately dissolves into reactionary, all-or-nothing arguments that leave me baffled and usually uncomfortable

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

I am once again getting emotional about Eliot Spencer and the ways he both gives and receives love.

[aeide-thea]

tfw you read a trans historical romance [eta specifically a lady for a duke by alexis hall] and come away feeling like, hm, this was probably a B+ for a few different reasons and definitely hasn't really resolved the extent to which it wants to accept various historical romance norms vs upend them (specifically: really wanted to have its cake and eat it too wrt the hero's dukedom conferring power and wealth and hauteur, but also knowing it's Not Done Anymore to romanticize that and so inserting a couple of token gestures of atonement, even as it continued to have him leverage said power and wealth and hauteur to aid his allies and humiliate his enemies; also one (1) aside abt the racism of the ton's beauty standards, which only came up wrt a bit character and was never addressed again), and frankly something abt the ways in which certain things are getting queered by the text makes the Marriage as an ending feel more than usually uninspired to me, even though it's technically more-than-usually revolutionary here, and even though i'm ordinarily willing enough to accept that as the conventional, definitional endpoint of stories in this genre...

but then on the other hand presumably trans ppl deserve the dubious privilege of seeing themselves reflected in historical romances of B+ quality, as much as cis ppl ever have, and i'm an ungrateful little snot for being unsatisfied with that!

[chronic-invisibility]

I keep remembering tiny tiny details of books I read as a kid or books that were read to me as a kid and desperately wanting to find them again but having so little detail to go off of that it’s virtually impossible. This is like the third book I’ve remembered and had an all-consuming need to find, although I did actually find one of them recently, the other one I’ve been wondering about for a few years, and I just remembered another tonight while I was taking a bath.