#I just rewatched the winter soldier and I have several feelings

[c-is-for-circinate]

MCU 2024 Rewatch MASTERPOST: yeah sure why not

Fuck it, guess we're doing this! I, in the year of our lord 2024, am watching my way through the full MCU, in release order. Just that kind of masochist I guess. And because this is the Masochism And Schadenfreude website, you all get to watch!

One of the reasons I'm doing this is because I actually really want to track where it feels like the MCU went wrong. I saw the original Iron Man in theaters in 2008 (twice!), and it was genre-defining in several ways that seem very distant after sixteen years and thirty-some-odd movies. We all watched these for a reason! Time to figure out what it was and also where it got lost.

Note: for now we're skipping the various TV shows, Agents of SHIELD, the assorted Netflix miniseries, Agent Carter...it is Too Much and unlike Twitch reacters, I ain't getting paid for this shit. We're also skipping The Incredible Hulk. Fight me on it.

I have seen...some of these. Pretty much everything through Civil War, and then most things through Infinity War, and basically nothing since then. So it's also going to be interesting to see how future knowledge impacts some of the earlier movies, and then y'all are going to get my actual reactions to the later movies. Which I'm sure will be fun for SOMEBODY.

Anyway I'll be tagging everything as C Watches MCU 2024, and I'll link below on the list after the readmore as reactions happen. Hopefully this whole list will keep me honest!

(oh god there are 32 movies on this list even skipping the Hulk. why am I doing this to myself. what have I begun. why.)

Iron Man (2008)

The Incredible Hulk (2008) THIS DOES NOT COUNT AND I'M NOT DOING IT

Iron Man 2 (2010)

Thor (2011)

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

The Avengers (2012)

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Ant-Man (2015)

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Doctor Strange (2016)

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 (2017)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Black Panther (2017)

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Captain Marvel (2019)

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Black Widow (2021)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

Eternals (2021)

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

The Marvels (2023)

[magpiefngrl]

mid-year book tag

Thanks for tagging me, @bloody-wonder! It's become a fun tradition to do this every year and I've been eagerly anticipating it :)

This hasn't been as prolific a year for me as the last several years have been. I've read 34 books by end of June, so about 10-20 less than I used to, and a lot of these have been rereads. The past couple of months have been super busy and I read a lot of fic, but struggled to finish novels. Fingers crossed for a better reading summer.

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2024?  I haven't read a book that blew me away so far. I've mentioned some of my faves here. I did enjoy most of my reads this year, but there isn't one book that stands out. (a fic, does, though. More on that later)

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2024? Dark Heir by Pacat. I was very invested, went back to read it again a week later, and it's made me very excited about the last novel.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? The Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo is definitely on my list (this will wait for 2025). There's also a new fantasy novel called Foul Days by a Bulgarian author that I'm curious about. Finally, Rebecca Roanhorse's Mirrored Heavens comes out soon but I still haven't read the second one in the series, so it'll also have to wait.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2024? Like you, KJ Charles's The Duke at Hazard is the one I'm most eagerly waiting.

5. Biggest Disappointment? I've been reading The Master and Margarita for two months now, forcibly stopping myself from DNFing it these days, because I don't actually hate it, it's just I can't bring myself to read it. But I also want to have read it, to be done with it. Idk why I'm struggling so much. Perhaps I'm not in the mood for it and would appreciate it at a later date. Based on the title and the positive reviews, I expected something more fascinating.

6. Biggest Surprise? The above, I guess.

7. Favourite New Author? Somehow, the only new authors I've read this year are Aliette de Bodard and Lois McMaster Bujold, and Bujold is the better one of the two. (The rest of the authors were people I've read before and I knew what their writing was like.)

8. Newest Favourite Character? Miles Vorkosigan, for his cleverness and his ability to always get in trouble and then to get creatively out of it.

9. Newest Fictional Crush? Not quite a crush, but my latest obsession is Bucky Barnes, entirely because of the fic I mentioned above (Out of the Dead Land, orphaned) which gave me the worst fic hangover. It's a stucky fic, a ship that never interested me, and it gave me feral feels about Bucky; it made me go back and rewatch a few Marvel films (and I had to torrent them since I'd ended my disney subscription; in other words, I had to go to some trouble); and it was a fic I kept thinking for days after I finished it. I'm actively stopping myself from rewatching Winter Soldier again today. And yes, not a book character, but the obsession is based on a fic and he's fictional so I say he counts :)

💕Best Ship💕 I loved Asmodeus and Thuan in de Bodard's Dominion of the Fallen series. Asmodeus is a Fallen Angel who likes stabbing and torture, Thuan is a dragon prince who tries to temper down his stabby husband. Will and James from Dark Rise are also a ship I enjoyed, though I'm more interested in their past selves.

10. Book That Made You Cry? There hasn't been one this year so far. And I cry easily, and I consider books that make me cry Superior. This tells you how mid the year has been.

12. Favourite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? I really liked Dune II but haven't read the book yet so don't know if it was a good adaptation. It was definitely a great film.

13. Favourite Review You’ve Written This Year? Have written a couple of longer reviews on GR but nothing that stands out as more creative or unique. I've been thinking about posting reviews on my website and I'd like to figure out a unique or unusual or at least a me way to do them.

14. Most Beautiful Cover? I read almost exclusively on my Kobo and pay scant attention to covers.

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? Many!

The Master and Margarita! hahah sobs :((

Finish a Lymond reread

reread tgcf now that I got all the novels

Harrow the Ninth

Some more Vorkosigan novels

Vita Nostra, which I've just begun

a couple of novels I bought YEARS ago and still haven't finished

and if I can read at least one of my 60-odd unread physical books I'll consider it a triumph

Tagging anyone who wants to do this! Perhaps @skeptiquex @hoko-onchi-writes @wolfpants @lettersbyelise and @gracerene might want to get the ball rolling?

2022 mid year post

2023 mid year post

[thatswhatsushesaid]

get 2 know me meme

tagged by @cryptidafter 🫡

tagging: whoever feels like doing this, but also @watertightvines @ratheralark @needsmoreresearch @chaos0pikachu @skalidris @thepurplewombat @evilhasnever

Do you make your bed?

yep! not like super neatly or whatever but it gets remade every morning to prevent the cats from causing problems.

What’s your favorite number?

seven--just like prev! dunno why exactly, i just vibe with it.

What is your job?

i'm an overworked government bureaucrat, which maybe explains why i think jin guangyao should get to murder whomever he wants.

If you could go back to school, would you?

nooooope. i've got my masters and that is more than enough for me. i've actually told my husband that if i start making any serious noises about going back to school, he has my permission to yell at me.

Can you parallel park?

y... yes. in that once i am parked, i am sure that my car is parallel to something, somewhere.

A job you had that would surprise people?

i'm genuinely not sure any of my day jobs are that exciting lol. uhhh i designed and administered sharepoint online websites for a major canadian university for a while and hated every second of it despite making bank while i did it. god i hate sharepoint so much.

Do you think aliens are real?

i think it's way more unlikely that we're totally alone in the universe.

Can you drive a manual car?

nope, never learned how to drive stick shift unfortunately.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

i'm not sure i feel guilty about it exactly but i do enjoy rewatching gilmore girls while very high.

Tattoos?

just the one, which will be a week old as of tomorrow 👀 it's a stylized rendering of the solar eclipse! my husband and the man of honour at our wedding also got matching tattoos, so it's a very sentimental tattoo for me.

Favorite color?

i'm a jewel tones kind of bitch, so deep forest green, burgundy, etc,

Favorite type of music?

i like a little bit of everything tbh but i mostly listen to grunge and bluegrass.

Do you like puzzles?

no 😤 they stress me out lol

Any phobias?

several, and broadcasting what they are on a public platform like this while knowing i have at least two hatefollowers sounds like a very bad idea.

Favorite childhood sport?

horse-riding! i also took dance and played soccer but riding horses was the most fun. also the cheapest since i just went down to our neighbour's farm and rode her horses lol

Do you talk to yourself?

oh yes.

What movies do you adore?

god, okay, this is hard: the LOTR extended editions, the OG star wars trilogy, OG jurassic park, saved!, batman: the dark knight, captain america: the winter soldier, inception, sunshine, 1408, knives out, parasite, leon the professional, anything directed by hayao miyazaki, anything directed by guillermo del toro (except for the shape of water, which i can't watch because of the scene with the cat)--i'm sure i'm forgetting something.

Coffee or tea?

can't start my day without a cup of tea 👍

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

i wanted to be a veterinarian! but i also wanted to be an astronaut just as badly because i figured even aliens probably have pets, and someone has to look after them.

[jomilitum]

Wow, for you @code-rage ... I will do this text post thing. Because I do still bounce around on here once every few months. And I ALSO think back to the advent (the descent!?) of those k project days :') And of course the FE of it all :')

Last Song: Like all of living society, Beyonce's "Texas Hold 'Em."

Favorite Color: Teal!

Last movie/TV show: Last TV show I finished was Season 4 of True Detective (I feel like I got duped by that), currently watching Monarch which is mostly just enjoyable for the dual Russell of it all sprinkled with monsters. Also perpetually rewatching Parks and Recreation. Last movie was "Next Goal Wins" because I needed a break from these best picture nominee bummers.

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet! But also savory :) Like a savory crepe? With melted cheese!? Yes.

Last thing I googled: The last non-sad googled things I have are "new york times connections," "rotten tomatoes," "dune popcorn bucket," "in what context does blue mean noble"

Current obsession: Playing through Overcooked with my forever friend/de-facto life partner Sara. Otherwise I feel as though I'm a little between obsessions at the moment! But all the things I've ever had my life consumed by still live in my heart - Bucky Barnes has been ruining my life since like 2007 or whenever I first read Winter Soldier.

Last book: Currently reading "Universal Harvester" and "Above Ground," before that "Red at the Bone" and the second murderbot book!

Last fic: Probably one of the biggest gifts of the last year or so was recovering an iconic South Park fanfiction that I had loved in high school but was then lost to time (aka the author removed it from the internet), but I randomly googled it and found someone else had recovered it and so got to re-read it! And it was just as gut punching, if not more so, as I remembered it being from high school. More recently, I've read one or two pretty excellent Leverage and Good Omens fics on the recommendation of another excellent friend so thank you Kate.

Looking forward to: Many things! A new bakery has just opened up nearby that I'm excited to try. Seasons 2 of Andor and Severance. Big hopeful Europe trip in May. New Decemberists album this year! Seeing some dear family friends that are visiting next month.

[musings-of-a-rose]

Getting to Know Me Tag Game

Thanks to @nerdieforpedro for tagging me!

Top Three Ships: that I've written or read or? In popular culture, Natasha Romonov x Bucky Barnes (after being Winter Soldier). It never happened in the films but it does happen in the comics. I know it says 3 but brain no work lol

Favorite color: Teal, dark purple, blue, and green

Last song: oh gosh. I was listening to my Garrett Hedlund playlist last night because my 9 month old daughter is in love and it comforts her.

Last Book: I'm in the middle of several books because I keep running out of time to actually finish them before my loan is up on the Libby app. But definitely check out Flash in the Pan by @wynharper. And currently patiently waiting for her new published edition of Days of You and Me, as well as her Frizzyverse!

Currently Watching: We just finished Loki season 2 but I'm going to go back and rewatch TLOU for zillionth time. As well as finishing Matador with Gabriel Luna.

Current Obsession: tyring to figure out the best schedule with my new client so it doesn't feel like I'm working 14 hours a day lol

Currently working on: I have an ever growing list of whips (@theewokingdead says I collect them like a niffler collects shiny things), but I'm trying to finish up:

Falling Slowly: Tommy Miller x f!reader (this one is winding in a story I've wanted to write about Joel as well)

Jump Then Fall: Javier Peña x ofc Vanessa Morales (I haven't posted in a while in this one because I'm still mentally trying to sort which way some small but major details goes)

Meet the Millers: Joel, Benny, Will Miller x f!reader, a reverse harem (I had originally ended this one way back in March of 2021, but I always had a few ideas that just wouldn't fit in the story line. I decided to end it but much to my surprise, people loved it and asked for more so I'm adding more. And definitely adding Tommy somehow. Which means literally back to the drawing board for smut scenes)

I'm also working on some non fanfiction books! I've got about 4 of them planned and started a couple of them. I haven't started social media for them yet really, but you bet I'll be sharing here when I do if anyone is interested!

Country I want to visit: most of them. Most of the countries. I can check Colombia off my list but I really want to go back. I loved it there!

No pressure tags: @astoryisaloveaffair @rhoorl @mermaidxatxheart @a-reader-and-a-writer @prolix-yuy @lowlights and anyone else who wants to join in!

[reviews-22]

Blog #3 - MCU

Welcome back to the blog where we discuss it all relating to movies and T.V. This week I want to discuss a very popular movie series or in this case it may be more appropriate to say universe. That’s right this week I want to discuss the past, present, and future of the MCU aka Marvel Cinematic Universe. Before I start, I thought we could switch it up a little and make this more interactive. Below is a quiz to tell you which MCU character you are internally and externally.

I have taken the quiz myself and I was surprised to learn that on the inside I’m like Captain America and on the outside, I’m like Ant-Man. I was a little confused at first but after reading the explanation I can see the similarities. Who did you get? Was it who you expected or totally off?

Coming back to the topic of today I’ll first be discussing the MCU phase 1-3. In my opinion and I might be a little biased these phases are probably one of the best cinematic masterpieces of my generation. In case you have forgotten what movies were in these phases here is a picture as a reference.

The reason why I think these movies were so amazing is for several reasons. One of the main reasons is because of the writing and directing. I never realized how great the writing and directing were until I watched other movies or *cough* *cough* stage 4 of the MCU. In phase 1 were introduced to the main MCU characters like Iron man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America. We also get to see our heroes fight together for the first time in the Avengers movie. Later in phases 2 and 3, we get to see more secondary characters and heroes introduced. Another main reason why I liked phases 1-3 so much is how refreshing it was to me. When the MCU introduced Iron man first I felt like that was a statement. They could have gone in chronological order and chosen Captain America who is the most like Superman. A superhero who is just, righteous, and courageous. But instead, they choose a character who is riddled with personality problems that would make him an unfit hero. My next reason is the movies were funny, genuinely funny. Which is something I feel is either not shown in superhero movies or not done right. My final reason (at least for today) is the details. I love that saying it’s all in the details. I feel like the MCU understood that perfectly. Accompanied by a great plot, writing, and directing it just took the films to a whole new level.

The next phase I want to discuss is phase 4 the current stage we are in.

While the dates for some of these are off due to the pandemic, we are currently in phase 4. If I am honest and I always try to be I currently have a very strong dislike for phase 4. Now I don’t dislike all of it just certain aspects of it. For example, I really enjoyed Wanda Vision, Falcon, and the Winter Soldier, What If, Doctor Strange 2, and Spiderman 3. The rest of the movies and shows were a bit of a letdown for me. In my opinion, the biggest disappointment was Loki and Black Widow. I felt like these characters had a dark past that was never talked about in the movies. Furthermore, both had complex personalities. Considering both are no longer “alive” it would have been a great opportunity to explore their origin stories. In addition, most of the shows/movies felt cheesy in the writing and directing. The saddest part is you can see the difference in the writing and directing from the last phase to this one. A funny joke I saw on Instagram was comparing the writing in the past vs the present. For example, in infinity war (phase 1) Thor says bring me Thanos. While in Love and Thunder Lady Thor said eat my hammer. Rewatching both scenes just doesn’t give the same effect. On top of that, the plot didn’t always make sense to me. I’m often left feeling confused rather than excited at the end of a movie/show.

Kinda like this...

The final stage I will be discussing is stage 5 and 6.

After watching most of the content in phase 4 I strongly considered being done with the MCU. Stage 5 didn’t give me much hope that it was going to get better. The only movie I would be interested in watching is Guardians of the Galaxy. But even then, I’m unsure how interesting it will be missing one of the main characters, Gamora. However, just when I’m about to write off the MCU they release phase 6 and I see they added 2 Avengers movies. This is big news for any marvel fan because the last Avengers movie was in 2019 . Futhermore with a lot of the original crew dead, it seemed unlikely that there would be a new Avengers movie. I don't know what to expect but this gives me hope for the future of the MCU and I can't help but be excited once again.

Thank you guys for tuning into this episode and I hope to see you guys again next week. Love you 3000.

[i-am-catfood]

Do you ever just close your eyes and realize that EVERY SINGLE CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE HAS IN SOME WAY ON SOME LEVEL REVOLVED AROMD BUCKY AND FOR THE LOVE OF GEEZ HOW ARW THEAE NOT TOGETHR WTF

[biluata]

I rewatched Captain America: The Winter Soldier recently, and I remembered a good part of movies and tv shows is making sure the home sets reflect the characters. A lot of thought goes into the decorating and props of a character's home in order to seem believable and make the scene work. What this means for me is that whatever is in Sam Wilson's DC house/apartment is canon information about Sam in the MCU, and I thought I would compile and share with you all what I found in case there are any other fic writers and such who would love to use this information. So here goes:

✨Canon Information and Interests about Sam Wilson✨

He doesn’t refrigerate his mustard. I mean, you don’t technically have to refrigerate mustard, but it is recommended in order for it to last long/taste as good. So what can we gather from this? Sam is a mustard heathen. He doesn’t care about the flavor at all. He’s a mad man who eats so much mustard he doesn’t need to refrigerate it because the bottle won’t last long in his house. I can only imagine he puts mustard or barbecue sauce on everything.

Sam has a baseball trophy. So sometime ago, maybe in high school or college, he used to play baseball. Apparently he was pretty good too, or at least proud of his playing, if he has a trophy sitting on a shelf in his kitchen. Is this why he's so good at throwing the shield? Or he could have also been playing baseball with his fellow Air Force members. Do you think he tried to get the Avengers to form a company baseball team?

Also I don't have it pictured, but you can see an example of one in a screenshot three below, Sam also has several golf balls sitting around his apartment. Now either Sam just likes to fiddle with golf balls or he also likes to play golf (just like Mackie). So if you want to write about Sam being a sports person, he canonically plays baseball and golf.

He likes wine. Maybe loves wine. As we can see in this shot, he has a fancy wine rack hanging on his wall. Yes, it’s just wood, but who would go through that much effort to hang a wine rack instead of getting one to set on a counter or something (just my personal thoughts). I feel hanging the wine rack is supposed to show off his wine collection, because he loves his wine.

Also in his dining room, he has a huge bowl/vase full of wine corks. Again, I feel only wine fanatics would do something like that, because when I’m done with wine I just recycle and call it a day. Conclusion, Sam loves wine.

Sam loves music. I know we figured that with his whole Marvin Gaye obsession (understandable). But I really need to point out how much he loves music. His entire table is filled with stacks on stacks of CD’s (and also that golf ball I was telling you about). At least 30 CD’s. Not only that he also owns a record player. Not only that but he has several speakers.

At least four small speakers scattered throughout his kitchen and dining room, and also one very large speaker in his dining room. The man not only loves music, he makes sure he can listen to it well wherever he is in his house. That takes dedication.

Other small things I wanted to point out:

He likes the smell of coconut.

He keeps a 50 lb (?) dumbbell on his kitchen counter. wtf Sam

He likes Cookie Crisp cereal. Now one could argue this is for his nephew Cass when he visits (who is probably like what 3ish when the events of CA:TWS take place? i'm not good with guessing child ages), but I like to fully believe Sam digs Cookie Crisp cereal.

Thanks for reading 💖

[spilledkauffie]

Rule Number Two

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Timeline: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Word Count: 2.7k T/W: angst then fluff 🌩😣☁️✨ A/N: I rewatched TFATWS and got Inso from ep. 2

Bucky's fiancé (reader) has to pick him up from the police station after he missed a mandated therapy session, she's relieved he didn't break any of his "rules," but Bucky begins to question that and needs some reassurance.

↳ m a i n m a s t e r l i s t

“Come on, come on, come on,” you anxiously repeated to yourself, index finger tapping rapidly on the rim of your steering wheel; your eyes were fixated on the bright red streetlight, even though there were no other cars at the four-way.

When the dash finally reflected a green shade, you quickly turned the wheel, making the right hand turn. Cautiously you pulled the car into the police station’s parking lot. There were still flashing lights of red and blue, but no sirens. It appeared as though the cars were now trying to keep something, or someone, on the premise.

Shifting into park inside a designated “visitor” spot, you took a deep breath and tried not to let the sudden welling of tears persist, “it’s okay, he’s fine, it’s gonna be fine,” you told yourself taking several calming inhales as you shoved your phone into your shoulder bag and grabbed it from the passenger’s seat. Opening the car door, you locked the car and added the keys to your bag, leaving your hands completely free, just in case.

Walking past staring policemen, you tried to remain calm, but the situation altogether was making you nervous, and their glares were not helping whatsoever. Coming up to the glass door, you saw crowds of people, mostly police inside. Your heart raced wondering why there were so many police present; it had to be more than the whole station. The tears of worry arose again, and lingered in the rim of your eyes, tightening your eyebrows together, you tried not to make it worse by imagining the worst. The one thing that calmed you was seeing Sam amidst the crowd, he was trying to look over people.

“Sam,” you whispered to yourself, exhaling as you pushed the station door open and tried to make your way to him.

“Hey!” You saw Sam raise his hand while he more efficiently made his way to you.

“Sam!” You said a little louder, letting him know you saw him.

When he reached you, he instinctively brought you into a hug, keeping you there for as long as you needed. It was only when you decided to pull back that he did the same, still keeping his hands against your arms for some support.

“Is he- is he okay? Is he hurt?” You began, looking up with glistening eyes lined with tears.

“He’s okay,” Sam assured you, “let’s talk over here,” he ushered you towards the front desk of the station; you held onto his arm tightly while walking alongside him as he explained, “there’s just been a mix-up, but it’s all gonna be okay, I promise.”

“Okay,” you nodded with a deep exhale, having needed to hear those words, but you were still anxious “he didn’t hurt anyone?”

“No,” Sam again assured you gently, placing a hand on top of yours, hating to see you so anxious and worried, “we just need to tell them you’re here to pick him up, I’m sorry they wouldn’t let me get him out, otherwise I would have just brought him home.”

Sniffling, feeling completely overwhelmed with worry, you nodded again, “thanks Sam, we owe you,” you sighed, closing your eyes and feeling a few tears fall; the next thing you knew Sam’s hand was rubbing your back, “I’m sorry,” you tried to force a laugh, “I’m just not used to this.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sam handed you a tissue, “this makes total sense, I know you’ll be feeling better when you see him. It’s gonna be okay. You both are.”

“Thanks, I don’t know how I’d do this without you,” Sam squeezed you a little closed to his side as you inhaled and exhaled, approaching the front desk together.

After giving them your information, showing them your approval card, and checking in, they instructed you to wait by the hallway’s entrance but insisted that you do not cross the yellow line. Sam stood by your side the entire time, he personally thought they were taking a little longer than needed and was about to say something to the front desk when Bucky’s frame came into view down the hall. You gasped, seeing that they still had him in handcuffs, Sam thought that was also a bit much; you didn’t need to see it like this.

Bucky kept his head low and stayed quiet. They kept him just beyond the yellow line, so you couldn’t touch him. Just as you were about to say something to him an officer cleared his throat.

“Ma’am, are you sure you’re authorised to pick up this man?” an officer asked you sharply.

“She already gave her information to the front desk,” Sam objected, “she’s his fiancé!”

“We’ll need to see the identification,” the officer ignored Sam and kept at you.

“This is ridiculous,” Sam said under his breath, just wanting them to make it a little easier on you, it was obvious that you were having a hard time in the situation, but they didn’t seem to care.

“Oh- y-yes,” you said, searching your bag frantically for your wallet with your approval card that you had just put back, “here it is.”

Bucky glanced over to your hand, holding out the card, you were shaking and he knew it was all his fault. Closing his eyes, he didn’t want to put you through this, he never meant to.

“Alright, looks like you’re cleared,” the officer said with a tinge of disbelief which nearly sent Sam, who was so tired of the treatment towards you.

You wrung your hands as you watched them uncuff Bucky, and your eyebrows furrowed tightly when they gave him a shove across the yellow line.

“Hi,” you tried a smile when your eyes met Bucky’s briefly, you felt like you should be stronger for him, so you did your best.

“Hi,” Bucky half-smirked, before looking over to Sam and extending a hand, “thank you, Sam, really.”

“Hey man, it’s nothing,” Sam shook his hand, before turning attention to you, “you sure you’re gonna be good to drive?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you nodded.

“Okay, I think we should get out of here,” Sam suggested, and you agreed more than anything.

Managing your way through the crowd, Sam gave you one more hug in the parking lot and let you know he’d be there if the two of you needed anything before leaving. Bucky thanked him, and the two of you headed to your car, which was outside the circle of police cars, a place where you could finally talk without worrying the news would pick something up.

Finally feeling freer, you exhaled a breath you felt like you’d been holding forever; Bucky opened his arms for you, to which you gladly accepted, “I was so worried about you,” you mumbled against his chest.

“I know,” he spoke softly, pressing his chin against the side of your head, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you sniffled, pulling back, you caressed his jawline as he still held you around your waist, “you’re okay, and that’s all that matters. We can go home.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said hoarsely, as you pulled out your keys from the purse.

When you unlocked the doors, Bucky, by habit, opened your door for you and closed it before rounding the car to the passenger’s side. He took a deep breath before joining you. It was a quiet ride. You softly reached for his hand, and he let you take it; setting his hand in your lap, you felt the cold leather glove, but still stroked your thumb against it. Taking shorter breaths, the overwhelming sensation was hitting you again, and you couldn’t help the tears coming. So much could’ve been different and your mind was set on thinking about the “what ifs.” When you stopped at a red light, Bucky saw you take your hand off the steering wheel, following your hand with his eyes, he watched you try and wipe away several tears streaming down your face. You were so quiet he didn’t even notice, he didn’t hear you crying, but he wished he had.

Hearing him speak your name, you immediately turned to face him, worried he might need something, “I’m so sorry,” he added, swallowing harshly.

“It’s okay, I just got scared” you sniffled, smiling and rubbing his arm for reassurance, “you’re okay, and that’s all that matters.”

Before Bucky could say more, the light turned green and you turned your attention back to the road. The rest of the drive home was quiet, the walk up the apartment stairs was quiet, and when you got to the hallway Bucky saw a few neighbours glaring. He looked down at the floor and then at you again, your hands were still shaking, but you managed to unlock it and push the door open.

The house was more quiet than usual, your dog wasn’t home, Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at that realisation. He locked the door behind him and simply watched you. You set your purse down, took your jacket off, and checked your phone. You spoke out loud to yourself as you reminded yourself of things to do.

“Text Sam real quick, thank him again,” you sniffled, “tell Monica I’m home, but we’ll pick up Lucky tomorrow since it’s late, thank-”

“Why’s Lucky at Monica’s?” Bucky interjected, leaning back against the inside of the front door.

“Oh,” you looked up to him, “I asked her if she could take him because I didn’t know if we’d be home. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pick you up, or if they’d transferred you to Washington again, cause then I’d be out a few days so…”

Bucky sighed knowing this was all his fault, “hey,” he said, “can we talk for just a second?”

“Sure,” you set your phone aside, becoming attentive to him, as you walked over to the barstool he was sitting on.

Pressing his lips together and keeping his head low, you waited for him to talk, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” he stated, “I didn’t intentionally miss the session, I didn’t want tonight to turn out like this.”

“I know you didn’t,” you assured him, reaching to his hand, “but hey, you didn’t break any of your rules-” Bucky winced, “actually, I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

“Wh-what?” you stuttered.

“I broke rule number two,” Bucky looked up to meet your gaze, it went from comforting to worried again.

“Did you tell your therapist?” You asked, knowing they’d had a session before you picked him up.

“No,” Bucky answered honestly.

“Oh-” you took a step away and tried to breathe normally, “wh-” you tried, but stopped, not entirely sure how to start.

Bucky brought his hands together, elbows resting on his knees, “are you sure you really want this?”

“Bucky, whatever it is,” you began, “we can make it through.”

“Can we?” He abruptly asked, keeping eye contact with you, “can we make it through this?”

You saw a familiar frustration in his face, his tone was shifting, you paused, “what are you saying?” You asked firmly.

“I am ruining your life!” He started, standing and pointing towards the door, “you had to drop your dog off because I was arrested, you were alone, and I made you come downtown in the middle of the night to pick my pathetic self up because I missed a damn therapy session!”

“Bucky-”

“You spent your entire night wondering where I was, you’ve been stressed and crying, and I did this all to you,” he continued, before looking down again taking a deep breath, placing his hands on his hips, he spoke softer, “yeah, I broke rule number two, I hurt you and I’m just not sure I can…go on knowing if I stay I’ll just keep hurting you.”

“You’re missing the entire point,” you began.

“Am I?” His tone returned.

“Yes!” You countered more aggressively, shocking him a bit, but you didn’t care; if this conversation was happening you weren’t mincing words, “I dropped Lucky off because I love you, I came alone in the middle of the night because I needed to be there for you because I love you, and  I was worried because I love you!”

“I’m not sure it’s worth that,” Bucky said tensely through gritted teeth, feeling his throat tighten, “it’s costing you too much-”

“No one gets to decide what’s too much for me except me!” You continued, “Sam was there because he cares, Bucky, you have people who care for you. An accident happened, we all know you didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“But it did!”

“Yes, it did,” You threw your hands in the air, “I cried and was scared, yes. Why? Because I love you! And there is no one else I would do this for except you! So why are you refusing to accept my love? Is it not good enough?”

“No! That’s not-” Bucky quickly frowned at your suggestion.

“Then what is it? What? Why won’t you accept the facts?” You pushed, needing the answer, the true answer once and for all.

“Because I am not worthy of it!” Bucky’s voice broke, and he swallowed harshly, sitting back down on the barstool, pausing a moment before returning his gaze to the floor.

Inhaling, you had finally found the problem. You heard Bucky give a heavy exhale as he dropped his head. Taking a few steps over to him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, his hands immediately climbed your frame, settling around you, he clung tightly. With his resting against your chest, you propped one elbow on his shoulder, pushing your fingertips through the hair at the nape of his neck. It broke your heart that he couldn’t see it was all out of love, and that accidents happen, you were scared, but you never saw him as the one hurting you.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just-” he spoke, but you could hear him choking up on his words.

You took a deep breath, “Bucky, if this is going to work, and I want it to, more than you know,” you closed your eyes, “I need you to know you are worthy of every ounce of love I have for you. I cried not because I was hurting, but because I was worried you were. I wasn’t alone, Sam was there. And I never once thought you did this on purpose, accidents happen. I cried because I was scared, not of you, but for you.”

“I want to believe it,” he admitted, “it’s just…things are taking more time than I thought they would.”

“That’s okay, but you can’t keep denying yourself what you deserve, it’s counterproductive,” you said softly.

For a few moments, you simply held him in your arms, and he kept a tight grip on you, but that was all you wanted. After the events from earlier there was nowhere else you wanted to be but right where you were. He brought you closer between his legs, and nuzzled against the side of your neck, while you combed through his hair, wrapping your other arm against the back of his shoulders to keep him close.

When he did pull back, he kept his hands against the side of your hips, “I’m so sorry,” he shook his head.

Caressing his jawline, you shook your head, “it’s behind us now, right?”

“Right,” Bucky nodded, trying to get used to the grace you gave him, it was something he’d never experienced before, “we’re okay?”

“We’re okay,” you smiled, smoothing your thumb along his cheek.

Nodding again and taking a deep breath, he stood, holding your hands in his, “I don’t ever want to make you cry again.”

“It was just because I was scared, I wasn’t used to it,” you told him again, “I really don’t know how you and Sam can stay so calm in those situations.”

“Well,” Bucky bobbed his head, “we’ve been arrested before, and then on the run, and then-”

“Okay, well, this complicates things,” you quirked your lips, trying not to smile.

“What?” Bucky’s face fell serious.

“I guess I’ll have to go steal Mr. Walker’s shield, and then go on the run to level with you,” you said before breaking into a smile, giggling, “guess you’ll have to get someone else to pick you up for a while until I’m back.”

Bucky broke into a smile, pulling you against his chest, resting his chin on your head, “I love you, and you’re not going anywhere.”

“I love you,” you returned, “and I won’t go anywhere you don’t go.”

[tuiccim]

Terrigenisis (Part 5)

Pairing: Avengers X Inhuman!Reader

Words: 4852

Summary: After undergoing terrigenisis unwillingly your life is turned upside down when you are deemed too dangerous to return to life as a civilian. You are put with the Avengers team to train and rebuild. As you hone your powers and skills, you must also decide if you can find home and love again. Or is your curse to be a lonely wanderer forever?

Part 1  / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

—————————————

That afternoon you find Steve and Bucky in the kitchen when you go to get a snack. 

"Hey guys. What are you up to?" You smile at the two..

"Nothing really." Bucky says. 

"Got any big plans?" You ask.

"Just planning on working on our bikes." Steve says.

"That reminds me. I was thinking the other day that I would love to do some cruising. Can I borrow one of your motorcycles?" You look at both the supersoldiers being sure to keep your expression benign. 

Steve and Bucky exchange a look. 

"Uhhh…"

"You see…" They spoke at the same time. 

"There's kind of a, uh…"

"Code."

"Code! With motorcycles."

"Right. Ya know, rules."

"Like you don't sit on someone else's bike unless they give the okay."

"And… and… Bikes are sort of, uh…"

"Sacrosanct."

"Right! You know, like, really personal and, and…"

"It's not something you let people borrow, ya know?"

"Yeah! Not… not that we don't trust you."

"Right. Total trust, but bikes…"

You interject, "Are sacrosanct?" 

"Right." They both look at you with near panic written across their faces. 

You start giggling, "That was the funniest thing I have ever seen you two do. That was some vaudeville crap. FRIDAY, did you get that on record?"

"Yes, Ms. (L/N)." FRIDAY responds.

"Send the video to my phone, please." You can barely get the words out between laughs.

"Transfer complete." FRIDAY responds.

Steve and Bucky are staring at you in bewilderment. You explain, "My dad was a biker. He and his coastie buddies. I just had to see how you'd react."

“Really?” Bucky deadpans. 

“Serious. They had a whole crew of weekend road warriors. All in love with their bikes.” You grin.

“And what are your plans with that video?” Steve asks. 

“To keep it forever for my viewing pleasure. And maybe show Natasha and Wanda.” You smirk.

“FRIDAY,” Steve starts to say and as quickly as you can you begin to send the video to Nat and Wanda in hopes of disseminating it before whatever Steve was about to do. "Erase that video and delete it from her phone."

"Voice authorization required." As Friday speaks, you engage a firewall you programmed on your phone. Time to find out if you could compete with Tony when it comes to hacking.

"Rogers, Steven Grant." Cap looks at you with a smirk. 

"Video removed from all Stark systems. Unable to access Ms. (L/N)'s phone." FRIDAY says.

"Sorry, Cap." You smirk at Steve. Carefully, you pick up your phone and, deciding your pockets are too easily accessed, you pull the collar of your shirt out and slide the phone into your bra. 

"Why can't FRIDAY access your phone?" Bucky asks.

"I might have programmed a firewall onto it, ya know, just in case." You begin to slowly move towards the elevator. You are trying not to giggle as you feel your phone ding repeatedly. Wanda and Nat got the video.

Steve and Bucky exchange a look and when Steve gives a curt nod, they both advance on you. "Give me your phone." Steve says.

"Nope." You tuck tail and run, but of course you don't get far before a metal arm wraps around your waist and picks you up off the ground. You struggle for a moment but then decide to use a different tact. Bucky sets you down and takes hold of you by the upper arms. Steve stands in front of you in a full authoritative captain pose. 

"Give me the phone." Steve repeats.

Straining against Bucky's grip, you push your chest out. You look up at Steve with doe eyes and say, "It's right there." Before glancing down at your chest and looking back up at him. Unfortunately, you can't hide your smirk as Steve glances from your face to your chest several times. "What's the matter, Cap? I thought you wanted my phone." 

After a few more seconds of Steve's indecision, you're pulled back against Bucky and he wraps his arm around you, pinning your arms to your sides. "Steve's too much of a gentleman, Doll." Bucky says in your ear as his hand slides along your collarbone to the collar of your shirt and pauses. You look up to Bucky with eyes wide. "Don't worry. I won't take any liberties." Bucky smirks.

"You don't think putting your hand down my shirt and in my bra is a liberty? I do believe there are some strict sexual harassment guidelines for both Stark Industries and SHIELD that would beg to differ. Besides, judging from the amount of dings on my phone, Natasha and Wanda have already seen the video." You grin up at him. 

"Clever little minx." Bucky grouses.

"Wanna know what they're saying?" You look at Steve. 

"Let her go." Steve says in a defeated tone but he has a small smile on his face.

Bucky let's go of your arms but his hand remains at your collar. You trail a hand along his arm and slip it past his hand to retrieve your phone and open your messages. Bucky backs a few steps from you and you wink at him. 

Nat: That was classic! 🤣

Wanda: They looked like they were gonna have a heart attack!😂☠️

Nat: They were stumbling over themselves to keep your hands off their 🏍️!

Wanda: They couldn't just offer to take you for a ride? They had to defend the thought of someone touching their bikes! 😂

Nat: I'm sure neither of them would mind taking her for a ride. 😜

Wanda: Nat! 😂

Nat: You know I'm right.

"They say you guys looked like you were gonna have a heart attack at the thought of someone else touching your bike." You grin, deciding to leave out the second half of the conversation. 

"What else did they say?" Steve narrows his eyes at you.

"That you could have at least offered to take me on a ride." You smile as you look between the two.

"I'll take you out on my bike, Doll." Bucky smiles at you.

"It's been a while since we just took the bikes for a ride." Steve says. "We should take an afternoon to go cruising like you suggested."

"I'd love that." You clap your hands  and grin looking between the two. They chuckle at your enthusiasm. 

“Tomorrow afternoon?” Steve says.

“How about after training in the morning? I’ll pack a picnic.” You smile at them both.

“I’m game.” Bucky looks to Steve. 

“Sounds good, sweetheart.” Steve grins at you. 

“Should we invite any of the rest of the team?”

A look passes between Steve and Bucky before Bucky answers, “Nah, let’s just keep it the three of us. Clint is headed to the farm, the couples won’t mind some alone time, and Sam is headed to DC for some meetings.”

“Okay. I’ll see you guys later, then.” You head to your room. Finally, something to do besides train and missions. You can’t wait.

That evening you, Nat, and Wanda are sitting in your room, rewatching the video of Steve and Bucky and giggling. You get around to telling them about your plans with the guys the next day. 

“Wait, you are going on a date with both of them?” Wanda exclaims. 

“What? No! It’s not a date. We are just going out for a ride on their bikes.” You say. 

“Alone? With just Steve and Bucky?” Nat says. 

“Yeah. They’re my friends.” You defend. 

“But you know Bucky has a thing for you.” Wanda says. 

“How do we know that?” Nat looks between the two of you. 

“Game night. That kiss?” Wanda says emphatically.

“It was just a kiss! It didn't mean anything." You say.

“Ohhhhh, no. Wanda is right. Bucky does have a thing for you.” Nat says. 

“Oh, please, he does not. I’m the only available female living on the compound. That's the only reason you two want to pair me up with him so bad.” You roll your eyes. 

“Oh, please, yourself! You’re beautiful, funny, smart! How could they not be interested?” Wanda states. 

“And how can you blame us for enjoying the free entertainment. Plus I happen to know Steve has a thing for you, too.” Natasha smirks. 

“No, he doesn't! Stop.” You look at Nat in horror.

“Why else would he call you Doll all the time? Don't you like Steve?” Natasha looks at you. 

“I'm his friend. It's just a nickname. Of course, I do. He’s a sweetheart. I think you two are reading way too much into my friendship with them. I just, I mean, even if they were interested, I’m just me. They’re Captain frickin’ America and the Winter Soldier! Why would they ever think like that?” You put your head in your hands. It was frustrating you couldn't just tell them that Steve and Bucky are together. It would stop all of this nonsense.

Wanda laughs, “You mean they’re gorgeous, have incredible abilities, are sweet and kind and fun, right?”

“Yeah.” You say. 

“She just described you. You are gorgeous, have incredible abilities, and a sweet, funny personality. You guys are perfect for each other.” Nat smirks.

“Guys, please, please stop. It's just not like that with them. We're friends and that's it. Okay?” You scoff at their knowing looks. “I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Night.” 

“Sleep tight.”

Their giggles trail behind you as you head to your room. As you get close to your door, you can hear Steve and Bucky in Steve’s room. You aren’t trying to eavesdrop but your hearing ability makes it difficult not to overhear conversations.

“I just don’t know if this is gonna work out, Stevie.” Bucky grouses. 

"All we can do is ask. We trust her, right?" Steve says.

“Yeah.” Bucky says.

Your brows furrow at the comment and your mind runs amuck for a moment before shaking away your thoughts. You hurry past, putting your earbuds in to avoid hearing any more, and slip into your room quietly. 

Training the next morning flew by in your excitement. Afterwards, you hit the shower, change into motorcycle ride appropriate gear, and go to the kitchen to put together the picnic. Bucky and Steve come in just as you are finishing packing the little cooler. 

"You look great." Steve says. "The boots are a good choice."

"Thanks. You guys ready?" You can't hold in your excitement and are grinning like a fool. 

"Yeah. I'll get the cooler, Doll." Bucky offers returning your smile.

When you get to the garage, Bucky sets the cooler on the back of Steve's bike much to Steve's annoyance.

"Really, Buck?" He grouses. 

"I carried it down. Only fair, right?" Bucky elbows him. 

"Yeah, thanks. I get a hard cooler in the back and you get the beautiful dame." Steve throws an elbow back at Bucky and then stiffens, turning to look at you. 

You laugh and wink at him. "Tell ya what, I'll ride back with you and Bucky can have the empty cooler." You look at Bucky, "Only fair, right?"

"Right, Doll." Bucky chuckles. He hands you a helmet and you climb on the bike behind him. You'd be lying if you didn't admit that your body reacted to the closeness of his, the intimacy of holding on to him, and the vibrations of the bike. You cruise out and the wind whips around you. 

Steve and Bucky speed ahead of each other alternatively. You hear Bucky laughing. You grin over at Steve who is laughing at their escapades. He looks so happy and carefree as you head into the middle of nowhere. You rarely see any other cars and the scenery is beautiful as you speed down winding roads.

“This is great!” You hollar over the rumble of the engine. Bucky revs in response and you squeal. You can feel Bucky’s body rumbling with laughter. You wish you could see his face. 

Nearly an hour and a half later, Steve slows and veers into the woods with Bucky close behind. They slow down and you can’t tell if they are following a path or not. They are carefully weaving through trees and undergrowth until you reach a small clearing under a huge oak tree. 

Steve stops and turns to you and Bucky, “What do you think? Good for a picnic?”

“I think it’s perfect!” You say, already getting off the bike. The guys grin at each other and turn their bikes off. Steve retrieves the cooler and Bucky pulls a blanket out of his saddlebag. You spread the blanket under the branches of the oak tree and pull all the food out. 

“This looks delicious.” Steve says as he tucks into one of the hearty sandwiches you had made him. Fruit, cheese, crackers, hummus, and some bottles of water and soda round out the menu. 

“Hopefully, it tastes delicious, too.” You laugh and Steve nods while chewing. 

Bucky looks over at you after swallowing his bite of sandwich, “Thanks for making the food. It is delicious.” 

He mugs a face at Steve and you giggle as Steve says, “Jerk.”

“Punk.” Bucky replies. 

“Goofballs.” You pipe in. They both snap their heads to you and you shrink into yourself a little feeling like you’d interfered in their playful banter. “Sorry.”

“Goofballs? That’s the best you can do?” Bucky throws a grape at you. 

“Asshats.” You throw the grape back. 

“Ohhh! Okay, that’s better.” Bucky laughs. Steve grins and shakes his head. 

“What was it like growing up in the Coast Guard?” Steve asks.

“A lot of moving. My dad was stationed in Mobile, Alabama when I was born until I was 4, then Boston until second grade, Northern California for 4 years, Alaska for two, back to Mobile through high school. My dad was sent back to California then and I went to college in Louisiana. It was interesting because I got to live in different places with different cultures. It’s hard with friends. I still have my best friend from high school I keep in touch with. Most of the others faded away. My dad was great. He did everything he could to be a good dad.” You shrug. “What was it like growing up when you did?”

“Way different.” Steve laughs.

“You don’t have to put newspaper in your shoes anymore.” Bucky chuckles. 

“No Penicillin. Food wasn’t as good. Fewer people you were connected with but closer connections.” Steve says.

“Yeah.” You say quietly, staring off. 

“Hey, doll, where’d you go?” Bucky says.

“Sorry.” You give a small smile. “Just, connections are hard. Especially when you don’t stay in one place for very long. I thought that part of my life was over and, here I am, right back in it.”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” Steve says. 

“I moved so much as a kid. Lost friends and nowhere was really ever home. And then I thought it was over. Charlie and I built a life and made a home. And then… terrigenesis. And I’m in SHIELD and it starts all over again. Two months to close out my old life with an agent constantly looking over my shoulder cause I can’t go back, six months of bureaucracy and evaluations and therapy, six months with one team, then I get moved to the Avengers team, and I guess in some ways I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. When am I gonna have to move again? Will I ever have a home again? Like I said before, limbo sucks.”

“You’re not going anywhere, doll. You’re stuck with us.” Bucky smiles sweetly at you. 

“Bucky’s right, sweetheart. You’re an Avenger. This is your team now. Your family.” Steve says. 

“Thanks. I hope you’re right.” You look between them before leaning back on your elbows and looking up at the branches of the oak tree. “This tree is amazing.”

“Beautiful.” Steve says, but when you look at him he’s looking at you not the tree. You mug a face at him. Looking back up at the branches you make a quick decision and begin unzipping your boots. You pull them and your socks off before walking under one of the lower branches. 

“Steve, give me a boost.” You turn to him and say. 

“You’re gonna climb the tree?” Steve asks as he gets up and walks over. 

“Yup.” You put your hands on his shoulders as he cups his hands for you to step up. You grab the branch and pull yourself up to it. You climb as far up as you can safely reach and looking down you can barely see Bucky or Steve who are staring up at you. 

You hear Bucky say, “I’m gonna take a walk.”

“She’ll be fine, Buck.” Steve tells him.

“Yeah.” Bucky keeps walking and you feel bad knowing he must hate heights from his past accident. You hadn’t thought about it before deciding to climb. You had just wanted the free feeling of being up high and maybe a minute to yourself. Your feelings were confusing you. Both Bucky and Steve treated you with respect and sweetness. It would be easy to fall for one of them and you reminded yourself often to not let your heart get ahead of your head. You take a few more moments sitting on the branch taking in the view and the freedom before moving back down. As you lower yourself from the bottom branch, you feel strong hands grip your waist. You let go and are gently lowered down.

“Have fun?” Steve asks, smiling down at you. 

“Yeah.” You smile back at him. He lifts a hand to your cheek and lowers his face closer to yours. “Steve!” You put your hand over his. “What are you doing?"

"I was trying to kiss you." He smiles at you.

"What about Bucky?" You ask.

Steve's brow furrows, "What do you mean?"

“I… I mean, I know about you and Bucky. Why would you try to kiss me?” You say.

“How do you know about me and Buck?” He asks. 

You give him a look. “I didn’t mean to overhear. But I can’t help it sometimes. I can’t keep headphones or earplugs in all the time.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asks, calmly.

“I assumed you’d tell me when you were ready.” You shrug. “I didn’t want to force you into telling me something you weren’t ready to. Steve. Why did you try to kiss me?”

“Because he has feelings for you. We both do.” Bucky surprises you. You hadn’t heard him approach.

“What?” You look at him confused. 

“Let’s sit down, sweetheart. We want to talk to you about something.” Steve takes your hand and leads you back to the blanket. You sit down and put your socks and boots back on as Steve begins to explain. “You know our story. We were separated for 70 years and came out of it having lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about. We’re all we have left of our old life and…”

“And we don’t want to live separately.” Bucky picks up when Steve flounders. “We love each other and want to live our lives together. And when we realized we were both attracted to you. We hoped that you might be willing to be with us. Both of us.”

“Both… both of you?” You look between them. 

“Yes.” Steve fidgets nervously.

“Like, as a beard?” You ask. 

“No! Never. Like, as our girlfriend.” Bucky says.

“Girlfriend?” You say as you are trying to wrap your mind around this unexpected development. “As in a polyamorous relationship?”

“Right.” Steve says.

“How, how would it work?” You are intrigued by the idea. Immensely, if you are honest with yourself. You had felt attraction and emotion for both of them and felt like there was something there with each of them but this wasn’t how you expected this to turn out. 

“We would all be together. As equals. You’d be our girlfriend and we’d be your boyfriends.” Steve says. 

You nod slowly, “And you both want me?”

Bucky and Steve look at each other for a moment and smile. “Yes.”

“You haven’t noticed us flirting with you like crazy?” Bucky smirks. 

“I thought you were just being goofy with me. I mean, I thought you two were together and had no interest in me. Not like that.”

“Do you have more questions?” Steve asks.

“How, um, physical is your relationship?” You feel a bit like a creep for asking, but it would inform how things would work. 

“Fairly physical.” Steve says. 

“So, how would sex work?” You ask. 

A lightning quick look passes between them. Bucky grins, “Pleasurably.”

“Hopefully so, but what I mean is, will it be all three of us all the time?” You bite your lip.

“Yes. Unless one of us is on mission or away. It has to work every way for it to work, I think.” Steve says. 

“Say, you’re gone to a meeting and Bucky and I… ? Will that create tension, jealousy, anger?”

“Will it if it’s Bucky and I, while you are gone?” Steve turns the question around on you. 

A corner of your mouth goes up as you picture walking into the two cuddled up post-coital. You only feel caring when you consider your feelings and theirs. “I don’t think so. What about the team? Would we keep this a secret?”

“I’d like to keep it quiet until we’re sure if this will work out. I don’t want to cause tension in the team and it’s not the most conventional relationship. I think it would be a good idea for them to know you and Bucky are together. We'll work up to the rest.” Steve replies. 

"Is that what you want?" You look to Bucky.

"It's absolutely what I want. As long as it's with the two of you." Bucky says.

“Have you been in a relationship like this before?” You ask.

“No. This would be a first for us. We’ve both dated, but not since we decided that this is the way we wanted our relationship to be.” Steve says. 

"Are you sure you want me? I mean, why? Why me? Is it just that you're both attracted to me physically?" You ask.

"You're beautiful. There's no denying that, Doll." Bucky hooks some of your hair behind your ear. "But you're also smart and funny and loving. When Steve and I talked about this we knew that even if you turned us down you wouldn't judge us. Wouldn't spread it around for amusement." 

"We knew we could trust you. That's not easy. And you're amazing. Gracious. I don't know how anyone wouldn't want you." Steve says while taking your hand.

"So, is that a yes? Or a maybe?" Bucky asks, taking your other hand.

“Or you’ll think about it?” Steve’s looks at you with concern.

You look between the both of them, knowing there was only one answer. You pull their hands together so that you are holding their hands between both of yours. "If any of us are ever hurt by the others, we talk about it together. If one of us wants out, we talk about it together. Open communication, always. If you can both agree to that, then… then it's a yes."

"I can agree to that." Steve says, adding his other hand to the top of yours.

"Agreed." Bucky places his hand on top of Steve's. 

"Then it's a yes." You smile at them. 

"Does that mean I can kiss you now?" Steve asks.

"Hmm…" You smile and bite your lip before answering, "Yeah." You say grinning. Steve leans in and plants a gentle, sweet kiss on your lips. You smile once you separate and then turn to Bucky. "Does that mean I can kiss you now?" You say to him. 

"Hell, yeah." He says as he pulls you close. His kiss is firm but still sweet. 

"And one last kiss to seal the pact." You look between the two of them. They grin at each other and lean in for a kiss. You smile at them as they part and look at you. "Okay. Well, I still want to finish our ride and we have several hours of daylight left."

You pack up all traces of your picnic and Steve places the cooler on the back of Bucky's bike with a smirk. Bucky growls at him but doesn't protest.

"Did you just growl?" You grin up at Bucky.

"He's robbing me of the pleasure of having you against me." Bucky chuckles. You reach up and pull him down for a kiss, opening your mouth to invite his tongue in, which he takes full advantage of as he presses you to him. After a minute, you pull away. "Hope that makes up for it just a little bit." You smirk at him as you get on the bike behind Steve.

"That was hot." Steve says as he starts up his bike. 

You wrap your arms around him and squeeze. "Don't worry. There's more where that came from." You laugh.

"God, I hope so." You hear Bucky say. 

You're still giggling as you jounce back towards the main road. The guys weave around each other, rev their engines, and you exchange grins with Bucky and an occasional comment with Steve. Almost two hours later, Steve pulls into a gas station. He parks the bike next to the pump and you get off the bike and stretch. “I’m going to find the ladies room.”

“Okay.” He smiles as he watches you walk away. 

“You staring hard enough at her ass?” Bucky quips from behind. 

“You weren’t doing the exact same thing?” Steve smirks. 

“Maybe.” Bucky chuckles as he pumps gas. 

Steve finishes pumping his gas, “Hey Buck, you want a drink or anything?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Bucky says. As soon as Steve disappears into the store, Bucky takes the cooler from his bike and moves it to Steve’s. 

He turns when he hears you bark out a laugh. “That was slick, Bucky.” 

“Thanks, doll. It’s my turn again, right? Only fair.” He grins. 

“Bucky!” You both turn to see Steve’s scowl. “Really?” He hands you and Bucky both a drink. 

“Thank you.” You say to Steve. You pull him to you and slide your arms around his neck. He takes no preamble and kisses you deeply. He leaves you nearly breathless by the time he pulls back. 

“Worth it.” Steve says as he grins at Bucky. 

You giggle and swat his butt as he walks back to his bike. “Time to head back?” You ask as you climb on Bucky’s bike behind him. 

Steve and Bucky exchange looks. “A little further.” Bucky says. 

“Yeah.” Steve agrees and starts his bike up. 

About 45 minutes later, they turn off onto a small side road, and then onto a long gravel drive. They pull up to a cabin surrounded by woods with a creek running to the west of it. They switch their engines off before turning to each other and then to you. You feel butterflies begin in your stomach, “Who’s cabin is this?” You ask as you get off Bucky’s bike. 

“It’s one of Tony’s many properties.” Steve says. 

You begin to tremble. Not out of fear but nervousness. You knew from your conversation earlier today that sex was inevitable, but looking at the cabin behind Steve you understood the expectation. You weren’t sure if you were quite ready for that step. “Uh-huh. And what are we doing here?”

“I guess that depends on you, sweetheart.” Steve looks at you nervously. 

You wrap your arms around yourself and look at Bucky with a raised eyebrow wanting his input. He takes in your demeanor and immediately feels empathy for your discomfort. “Nothing you don’t want to do, doll. We can stay the night here doing whatever you are comfortable with or turn around and go back. No pressure. No expectations.”

“I’m pretty sure something like this always comes with expectations.” You say looking between the two. 

“There might be some hope but no expectations. Promise.” Steve puts his hands on your waist and looks at you earnestly. “Nothing will happen that you don’t want.”

You run through your thoughts for a minute looking into Steve’s eyes and then smile, “Seal it with a kiss.” Steve grins as he pulls you in for a kiss. Once he lets you go you face Bucky and look at him expectantly. He smiles and kisses you, too.

“I like the idea behind this.” You look at the cabin.

“What do you mean? Steve says.

“Having our first night together alone. Without prying eyes and ears. Outside the compound. It feels like a lot less pressure.” You smile. 

“I was worried it might scare you.” Bucky says. “Taking you to the middle of nowhere without telling you. We’re serious. No pressure.”

“I’m not scared. I could never be scared of either of you. Just nervous.” You say. “Now, show me this cabin.” 

Steve enters the code on the lock and holds open the door to the well appointed cabin for you.

Part 6

Permanent: @bubbabarnes​ @badassbaker​ @thefridgeismybestie​ @strangersstranger​ @cherthegoddess​ @drunkbucky​ @sherlocksmanwatson​ @cap-n-stuff​

Terrigenisis: @dark-night-sky-99​ ​

Masterlist

[enigmaticxbee]

✖️✖️✖️✖️ 8x15 Deadalive

The one where... Skinner digs mostly-dead Mulder back up 3 months later - he’s aliiiiive! Part 2 of 2.

Best: The final scene is... perfect. And that’s because - according to this script snippet - it was apparently improvised by the actors (I’ll give the director Tony Warmby some credit too) and they knew exactly how to play it. Mulder faking amnesia. Scully’s devastation and joy as she looks at him and Mulder telling her he knows it was bad by what he sees in her face. Scully laughing through her tears when he asks if anyone missed him. Doggett realizing he’s officially a third wheel and leaving them to their private moment. Mulder’s back babyyy!

Worst: Once again, vaccines don’t treat viruses, they teach your immune system to fight off the virus the next time you’re exposed. Pretty sure it doesn’t help if you’re already sick... So wait, the alien virus that transforms people into super soldier aliens responds to standard anti-viral medications? So, yay, human race saved?? Or is this a Mulder-only situation? He has been vaccinated against the black oil, maybe that offered some protection and he only had low-grade alien virus undead symptoms, not severe skin sloughing ones... Overall it’s unclear what’s going on with this new version of the alien virus.

❌ Flashlights

❌ Woods/Desert

❌ Slideshow

❌ Autopsy

✔️ Evidence Disappears

❌ Scully Misses It

❌ Mulder Ditch - he’s back babyyy

❌ Sunflower Seeds

❌ Voiceover

❌ Catch Phrase

✔️ Scully is a (Medical) Doctor

❌ Mulder is Spooky

❌ Scuuullllaaaaayy! Muullllderrrr!

❌ Fox/Dana

✔️ Inappropriate Touching (that I am here for) 🥰

❌ Casual Scully

❌ Casual Mulder

✔️ Trench Coats

❌ Bad Tie Watch

❌ Glasses Watch

✔️ Taking! It! Personally!: Scully

50 States: North Carolina x5, West Virginia x7 & DC x70 (42/50)

Investigate: Together & Apart

Solve Rate: 73%

❌ Bechdel Test: The nurse Scully speaks to is unnamed.

MSR: 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Goriness: 👽👽👽👽

Creepiness: 👽👽

Humor: 👽👽

Rewatch Thoughts:

Doggett check-in: Scully putting Doggett in his place re: extreme possibilities 🙌. Why does he decide to stay on the X-Files? I understand why he’s hesitant to leave early in the episode - he feels like he failed Scully in the search for Mulder and without him the X-Files would be shut down when Scully goes on maternity leave. At the end does he still feel like he owes it to Scully? Or is he finally convinced that there is something going on alien invasion-wise?

Pregnancy check-in: We hear she’s had a difficult pregnancy. Poor Scully. She must be ~7 months pregnant at this point based on the 3 month time jump - and Doggett says she’s going on maternity leave in 6 weeks.

Missing Mulder: We can retire this segment, he’s back!!! Although there’s that pesky funeral to get through first...

Again, why are the Mulders buried in North Carolina? 🧐

Scully clutching her hands over her stomach at the funeral 😭

The Lone Gunmen braving an FBI attended funeral for their friend Mulder 😢

Scully: I think the real tragedy... is that for all of his pain and searching... the truth that he worked so hard to find was never truly revealed to him. Scully still subjugating the tragedy of her loss for Mulder’s quest. She can’t give in to the emotion of it, she has to intellectualize it.

Skinner: I don’t truly believe that Mulder’s the last. Aka that’s Mulder’s baby you’re carrying... right???

Mulder died ~3 months after he first disappeared, which was noted in this episode to be May, therefore it should be August when he’s buried. But there’s snow on the ground in North Carolina - not unheard of there in the winter but also not that common and definitely should not be on the ground in the summer. So time wonkiness has begun even before we jump ahead 3 months. Does it really matter? No... but then why do they keep reiterating that he disappeared in May if they’re not going to keep a consistent timeline!! 😤

So, we just have to buy that Scully didn’t have an autopsy done on Mulder, right?

Scully has no chill when she gets to the hospital - she needs to see him.

Scully sitting by Mulder’s hospital bed, one hand on Mulder’s, the other on her baby bump 🥺

Billy Miles’ skin sloughing off in the shower 🤢

Why doesn’t Krycek want Scully’s baby to be born? I definitely prefer Krycek to CSM as the antagonist at this point in the series but his motives are always pretty inscrutable so it makes it hard to understand what’s at stake if he fails or succeeds. Even based on what comes later it’s unclear to me what Krycek’s up to.

Poor Skinner though. Obviously he was never going to kill Scully’s baby, but imaging explaining to Scully why he couldn’t save Mulder.

So, some people swear Mulder mouths I love you in the final scene. And maybe he does, but if so it’s too subtle for me - I’ve watched the footage closely and I just don’t see it.

Episode-Related Fanfic Recs:

all the old familiar places by @seek-its-opposite - exquisite fill in for the missing 3 months, just the right amount of pain.

Deadalive AU by @markwatneyandenesemble - What if when Mulder woke up from his undead coma it was only a couple months later and Scully wasn’t visibly pregnant? What if he had amnesia and couldn’t remember anything past 1996? A fun read.

[alloftheblackwidowfeelings]

Almost every reviewer on YouTube wasn’t satisfied with this movie IMO they said it was just Marvel combined some elements from other marvel movies so they could throw fans a BW movie so we could stfu, it didn’t do justice to the the character ,what do you think, is it really that bad.

To be honest, I've been working on this one for a while but I keep writing and deleting my response. Because all the things I want to say sound gatekeeper-y, in one of several ways.

I think you can be a Nat fan and not read the comics. I think you can be a Nat fan and never talk about her. I don't think you need to know everything about canon and be an "expert" to be a fan. I'm not interested in a locked-gate version of fandom. I don't think this movie should just be for die-hard Nat fans. And I don't think that all Nat fans will like this movie, for a variety of reasons.

Despite all of that, a lot of the comic book/movie expert reviews I've seen feel, to me, like they were evaluating a movie that isn't the one this movie was ever trying to be, and missing some of what the movie explicitly says it is because that doesn't fit what they want from it.

A bit more spoilery and a lot longer under the cut. I am so sorry I'm like this.

This movie felt tailor-made for me. Not because I loved every answer they gave, but because the questions they asked are ones I've been waiting to hear since 2012, when I first saw Avengers and then immediately went back to see the rest of phase 1. I think people disliking the answers is a legitimate opinion, and I'm looking forward to detangling that with people. What surprised me in reviews was not reviewers disliking the answers, which is legit, but not even seeming to realize the questions had been asked.

Most prominently, what felt like the huge thematic arc of the movie to me has been nonexistent in so many reviews that I've started to feel like I made it up, even though I took notes of exact quotes so I could reference them. The movie isn't a Nat origin story, and it's not about her as a cool edgy villain, so not seeing either of those didn't bother me. It's a movie about Natasha's trauma and how that manifests, and how her attempts to break free of it have harmed others in the past, and how she can move forward from that. We never get the key that unlocks the history of Natasha's past, so if you approach this as a puzzle box, it's going to fail.

THIS INDENTED PARAGRAPH IS THE CLOSEST I GET TO DIRECT PLOT POINTS, FEEL FREE TO SKIP

Specifically most of the reviews seem to view Nat's motivating guilt as over how she escaped the Red Room, particularly one casualty she deemed an acceptable sacrifice. But as I interpreted it, Nat's guilt in this movie came from a much closer place: the other Widows were all she'd had, and Nat being able to escape the Red Room made the Red Room hold on to the other Widows that much tighter. She thought she'd taken it down, but she was wrong. So her freedom, essentially, came at their expense. Natasha working to take down the Red Room this time is personal both to avenge her own trauma and to make up for her guilt in the Red Room still existing and creating more trauma for her peers. Without this context (and to be clear, I have gone back over the quotes several times to see if I'm misinterpreting and I really don't think I am), the idea that all of her guilt is over what she did to a single person makes more sense, but it also makes the movie a lot less interesting. If Natasha is justified in blaming Alexei and Melina for condemning her back to the Red Room, how could the other Widows not blame Nat? To me the entire story swings from that, and by not acknowledging Nat's (inadvertent but still very real) responsibility for continuing the cycle, the movie would feel hollow.

PLOT POINTS OVER.

Many critics they seem to feel like the potential this movie introduced was wasted because Nat's dead, so what's the point. First of all, the point is she's Nat and we care. It's not like we went in to Iron Man expecting that we'd have a decade of a franchise; we cared in the moment, and this movie is asking for the same thing. It delivers for over two hours of NOT murdering Natasha, which is more than I can say for Endgame.

To be clear, BW does set up other things for the MCU, and it's but if you're only watching it for what it's going to tell you about the future of the MCU (and I get it, because that's how I'm watching Loki, and it's a very different type of watching than I did for FATWS), this probably IS going to be a disappointment, because this isn't a big crossover event movie; I mean, none of Sam's "Big Three" show up at all. But again, that's about the movie someone wanted it to be, not the movie this was aiming to be.

Is this like a lot of other Marvel movies? Kinda. It's definitely taking a lot from Civil War for its set-up. Its arc felt like a close mirror of to Winter Soldier to me, to the extent that I'm planning to rewatch that on Thursday so I can see how much that's just me projecting my fave onto it. The third act is very Marvel-third-act-y, as adapted to Nat's character; the adapting to Nat's character are the parts I like and the rest is kind of what I consider the MCU price of admission.

I also kind of hate that it feels like the last few movies- Black Panther, Captain Marvel, now this and some rumblings about Shang-Chi- have all been kind of dismissed with "it's just the Marvel formula." It is, but that doesn't change the fact that different protagonists make it different. Dr Strange is pretty much just "Iron Man 1 with cool magic" and people didn't mind, but "how does this formula change when the protagonist is fundamentally different than the archetype to this point?" is apparently not different enough. I get Marvel fatigue, I really do, but for me it's tempered by how, in this case, Nat doesn't have the moral clarity Steve or Thor or even Tony or Scott has. No one in this movie lets her forget that she's a trained killer who little kids look up to.

Again: there are parts of this movie that don't work. I also don't ever ever EVER want to seem like I'm saying that if someone didn't like this movie they're not a real Nat fan or they're wrong. I know there are reasons to not love this movie, and I'm sure I'll figure out more the more I watch- it may not make me not love it, but it will at least complicate it for me, and i think we all know I live for that shit. Moreover, I intimately know how much it sucks when something you've been enthusiastic about and anticipating for ages doesn't pay off and everyone else seems to like it- it's isolating and upsetting and you just sit there wondering why no one else understands, and that's bullshit and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. People who don't like this movie are valid!

But if someone has a history of seeing Nat as just background, or considering her as a T&A deliver system more than as a character, or caring about hot women with guns but not care about the trauma that turned them into that, or saying they like movies about women but just not THIS woman for every comic book movie about a woman not there for them to ogle, or claiming to be experts in all things comics while doubling down on their theory that Yelena wouldn't appear because she was in Agent Carter (YES THAT HAPPENED, MORE THAN ONCE, THE NORTH. FUCKING. REMEMBERS. AND WISHES THEY KNEW WHERE THEY SAVED THOSE SCREENSHOTS), I don't need to weight their reviews heavier than the adrenaline rush I felt watching this movie.

So in answer to your question, I don't think the movie was really "that bad." I think this movie delivers in very specific ways, which definitely are not the flashy ones or the "every Marvel movie builds to the next great EVENT" ones or the male power fantasy ones, and if those ways aren't the ways you care about, it's going to be a disappointment. Even if those AREN'T the ones you care about, it could be a disappointment for any number of reasons, some of which I noticed during the movie and some of which I'm sure I'll be surprised to read about Friday morning.

But it wasn't one to me. For whatever it's worth, despite the movie's flaws, I loved it, I haven't stopped thinking about it in five days, I can't wait to see it again, and I hope that whether other people do or don't like it, they want to roll around in it as much as I do to pick out every single shred of canon worth overanalyzing.

If this is all we ever get for Natasha- and it is a CRIME if this is all we ever get for Natasha but that doesn't mean it's not so- I am grateful that this is what we got.

[oftincturedwords]

Challenge: list the WIPs you promised you’d update, and why you haven’t yet

i was tagged by the amazing writer / mutual @yuzukimist ( thank you my friend !! <3 )

tagging other amazing writers / mutuals : @pain-in-the-asguardian , @mrshazosterfield , @winterinhimring , @data-hex , @whitehareknits , @wecomrades , @aithilin , @merlevum , @sublimepaperfury , @wallywastaken , @theancientvaleofsoulmaking , @neverendingstories00 , @atlantis-is-burning , @aloe-casia , @glaivenoct , && any other writes who may want to do this , i tag you !

those tagged don’t feel obligated to do this if you aren’t up for it , it’s only if you wish to <3

as said before me , i’ve tried to be better about updating since i know i leave some stories to go to others , but i still need some work on that since i usually just follow my muse for whatever i want to write. nothing will never be forgotten or abandoned , just left for a bit until i get back to it.

anyway starting with some newer wips :

• Broken Power ( a The Falcon & The Winter Soldier story set in Madripoor ) is my most currrnt project & hasn’t been updated yet because i’m still 2k words off from the next chapter goal & i haven’t been feeling the best lately so i haven’t worked on it much the last week , but it should be updated in the next few days.

• What Silent Love ( a stucky AU fic set in university / college ) is as well a current project & hasn’t been updated for the reasons above. it’s set to be updated very soon though as well.

• Bound To Happen ( a The Witcher fic ) hasn’t yet been updated because my muse has fallen so very far into the MCU fandom & has latched onto Bucky Barnes , Sam Wilson , & Steve Rogers with no sign of letting go yet. but I have been working on this in bits & pieces , writing on it a little each day so that I can hopefully update it even though I don’t really have much muse for it.

• Pushing Through ( Tenacity ) ( a Band of Brothers fic set post The Breaking Point ) hasn’t been updated because of the reasons above as well. too it appears i’ve lost my malarkey book in the last move i did & that made sad because i can’t just replace it , so that effected my writing on this story. but i’m hoping to get back to it soon , i just need to have a rewatch i think.

now for some other projects that haven’t seen much attention in awhile :

• Orbiter Dicta ( a Doctor Who fic set in the eleventh doctor era ) which hasn’t been updated because i haven’t felt muse for the fandom. that’s usually the reason i don’t updated on stories , but i will say i’m a bit stuck on the motives for the people behind the kidnapping / imprisoning , i have two ways it could go & i like both of them so i'm writing each out to see which i prefer better. so it’s just taking some more time because i’m indecisive. i’m sorry.

• Grief Is Yours My Friends ( a Star Trek AOS fic ) this one hasn’t been updated because i haven’t felt muse for it , i really need to do a rewatch of the films & i think that’d help so that’s in the plans for the future.

• Of The North ( a LotR fic set pre-FotR ) hasn’t been updated because again i haven’t the muse really for it , even though the next chapter really only needs like three hundred words to go before i can post it :\ which really sucks because i still adore this story so much & it has so much written for it already & just need to connect it all , but alas no muse for the characters & such.

• Trying To Find ( a The Witcher fic ) was one of the fics i deleted & then reposted ( along with bound to happen ) due to reasons you can find on the author’s notes in the story , so i won’t go into it here , but just that plus lack of muse for it. just i haven’t give much thought to it lately since other fandoms have jumped in the way. but as always nothing is ever abandoned just put on hold , so to speak , until i can get back to it again.

• Equilibrium ( a The Maze Runner fic set in the glade ) this is one of my oldest wips & something i began on a whim in two days of inspiration which i haven’t had back since i posted it so that’s why i haven’t updated it. ^^’ although i do love it & have tried to get muse back for it , i just haven’t been able to yet. it’s still a wip on a wip xD

this list is only for works that i have posted , it’s not a complete list of my wips since i have several more that i am working on but haven’t posted / told anyone of yet. so yeah i’m drowning in wips ahdkflglg

[mscalifornication]

Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

@longlive-allthememories thank you so much for tagging me <3

MUSIC

fav genre? pop/pop-rock/rock/pop punk/indie/alternative

fav artist? Casper

fav song? gonna go with Diamond On A Landmine by Billy Talent today

most listened song recently? according to my last.fm my top track of the past 7 days is Pretender by The Maine

song currently stuck in your head? Morirò Da Re by Måneskin

5 fav lyrics? (5 fav lyrics i can think of right now/ ones i can find in my current bujo lol)

i’m not looking to be found, just want to feel unlost — (un)lost by the maine

give me a remedy cause my head wasn’t wired for this world — avalanche by bring me the horizon

i’m growing up but i’m still young at heart, how do i make time stop? cause i’m still waiting to start — still waiting to start by nina nesbitt

and if i’ve done you wrong by not enduring this pain / well, where were you and all your eternal holy grace? — nomoreroses by holding absence

i want the fireworks i want the softest words i want what you deserve and to unlearn my hurt — crying over it all by waterparks

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? rom-com stuff i guess, and thrillers, sometimes also sci-fi/dystopia stuff

fav writer? i don’t really have one, but so far i’ve enjoyed several books by sebastian fitzek and becky albertalli

fav book? currently still Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall which i’ve read back in January

fav book series? i’ve only read 3 book series in my life, two of them before the age of 16 so i’m not sure if one of them is an actual fav, maybe actually Twilight?! yeah

comfort book? i don’t have one

perfect book to read on a rainy day? boyfriend material??

fav characters? i…don’t have favourite book characters i think? never really thought about it

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i don’t know any quotes by heart

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator (idk? i’ve never paid attention to it) | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? (romantic) comedy, drama, thriller, crime

fav movie? idk? i’ve always liked notting hill

comfort movie? spider-man: homecoming and the winter soldier

movie you watch every year? theres no specific movie i watch every year :/

fav tv show? at the moment still 911 and 911 lone star my beloved

comfort tv show? schitt’s creek, full house, 911, 911 lone star, brooklyn nine nine

most rewatched tv show? schitt’s creek

ultimate otp? i don’t have one? Tarlos mayhaps?

5 fav characters? Alexis Rose (Schitt’s Creek), Abby Sciuto (NCIS), Kat Edison (The Bold Type), Travis Montgomery (and Vic Hughes) (Station 19), Bucky Barnes (MCU) this is a very random collection, i literally had to look up previous tag games to make this lol bye

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging |one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

i’m tagging @kaonoppakaos @awayfromsight @briannabaker @quelsentiment @whaleharry @herefortommo @spacerhapsody @holyshit @talkfastcal @counttoinfinityy @plastic--hearts @whatevertearsyou @iamnathanscott @chironmybeloved feel free to ignore this!!

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

Hey, y’all. It’s been a LONG eight months...

So, I ended up back in the hospital a few times. I keep getting better, and then experiencing these really big crashes. I’m not in a high spot, at the moment. But, not quite the lowest I’ve been. I’m still having seizures. At one point, it was several times a day for over a month straight. We’re back down to once a day. Usually after work. It’s just all really inconsistent, so the doctors are struggling to piece together how to control it. How to get me to a managable point.

Being in America is a little bit of a curse for this one. I HAVE to work through it. There’s no choice. Medical debts and such. I’ve had to call in...a lot. But, my direct boss is an angel, and assisting me as best as they can. That doesn’t change the damage it’s taking to my energy, though. I can get through one big thing a day. And that’s typically work. Days off are playing catch up. Occasionally, I’ll think I’m doing better. I went on walks with my dogs every day off for a bit, and then crashed. Went on a vacation and tried to have fun. Cue being bed ridden for three days.

I can’t write. That seems dramatic to say, seeing as I’m typing this right now. But, this doesn’t take any effort. At least, not compared to a story. Plot. Accurate dialogue. Making things seem somewhat flowy. Editing. Editing a second time. Trying to post. Working on the tags for both the story itself and the people who want to read. That is SO much more draining, mentally. I don’t even have the words to describe how fast my brain fries when I try it. Especially during days where my brain fog is really severe. It always ends with a migraine, so I gave up. Coming back to Tumblr felt like I HAD to be putting out something. I just didn’t bother logging back on, because of that mental pressure I was putting myself through.

During my time away, I focused more on just comfort to get through each day. Obviously, rewatching Supernatural was on that list. But, I also jumped headfirst into the Bridgerton craze- to be fair, I’ve been reading the series since I graduated high school...so, that is also filled with my comfort characters. Simon is great and all, but just wait for the actual brothers to get going. SO much better. Falcon and the Winter Soldier was a huge help- Can we talk about Bucky in it?! I feel like that’s important. I got really big into reading, on and off. When I could focus on it, it was great. From Blood and Ash and A Court of Thorns and Roses are my most recent tackled books. But, I was digging more into my older series. Tik Tok was huge and mindless entertainment. The new Resident Evil helped. But, the adrenaline spikes caused some problems. So, I had to go really slow there. Over all, it was entertainment that didn’t make me really use my brain or body in anyway to get through. It’s still my go to.

This is all super boring, I’m sure. And probably disappointing to those looking for new works. But, I miss Tumblr. I miss people who are actually into Supernatural (Facebook just doesn’t compare). So, I will be here on and off. Reblogging. Maybe doing the little song posts I used to. That being said: Don’t expect any written works. If I can muster it, eventually? Amazing. But, I cannot and will not try to do more than I am capable of. For now, I have to stay within my limits to get by. 

I’m sorry. I love y’all. And I thank you for all of your support. I’ve seen all of your messages/asks, tonight. I just haven’t had a chance to respond, yet. I will be soon. But, for tonight? I’d like to just scroll free for a bit longer before bed.

[appleseverywhere]

Winter deserved to be the next Winter Maiden

Okay, so I just finished rewatching V7 since V8 announcement is in a few days and I noticed something.

Personally, I’m one of those people that was hoping Winter would become the next Winter maiden. Obviously, that didn’t happen and I was extremely disappointed. 

Now I completely understand why CRWBY would decide that the powers go to Penny (lest they’d want to complete her real girl arc) and I’ve seen a lot of people defended that Penny deserved to be the maiden but I just need to point out that this isn’t exactly the case. People were also saying that Winter couldn’t be the maiden because she didn’t understand her emotions or couldn’t even be understanding of the emotions of others, and because she was a military officer who seemed to always “follow orders”. 

So why should Winter have became the next maiden?

Winter is actually one of the most rational characters in this volume. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. She understood that with General Ironwood keeping secrets, that yes, it would leave everyone skeptic and doubtful of his capabilities, which was why she had told Weiss the truth that she would become the next Winter maiden when he offered it to her. 

She understood the pressure that the general had to make at this time, that everything he was doing was to protect Atlas in ways he thought was right. In the real world, no one will ever really agree with you that everything you say is right. She points this out flawlessly, even expressing her doubts several times in the volume (I’ll get to this in a bit).

She knows that the way Atlas was handling everything wasn’t perfect, but it was a reasonable. It’s absolutely true that YOU CAN’T SAVE EVERYONE, but you can save who you can. She understood the importance of the relics and the maidens, that if it fell into Salem’s hands, then the world would surely crumble. 

She thought differently from team RWBY, and honestly, it was so disappointing that just because she did, she suddenly couldn’t be the maiden. In reality, not everyone will look at the world the same way as you do. She was someone who understood BOTH what the military was doing and what team RWBY wanted to happen. She agreed with both, but had to weigh out which would be the more logical decision. 

She understands the emotions she keeps behind her facade. A lot of people were saying that it wasn’t right for her to be the maiden because she disregarded her emotions as well as others. If you were to think about it, it’s because as an officer, you cannot let your emotions get the better of you when put under stress or pressure. Otherwise, you’re prone to make mistakes. She had to remain calm and understanding of everything that was going on, and she analyzed and weighed down everything in front of her so she could make out the situation and what to do. 

She wasn’t always someone who ignored her emotions. This was clear when (1) the teams along with Weiss stole an Atlas airship, (2) the dinner where she burst in front of Jacques, (3) admitting to Penny that she should have stayed in line instead of telling her father off, (4) telling Penny that she agreed with her that they shouldn’t abandon Mantle, and (5) telling Penny that WRESTLING WITH EMOTIONS is what makes them human.

While preparing Fria in the Aura transfer chamber, Winter and Penny’s entire exchange shows us that even she knew that emotions are something that should be accounted for when making a decision.

“I hope it will be painless for her.” “You said that your personal feelings do not matter.” “They won’t change my actions, what I’m committed to.”  ..... “But yes, Penny. We must still acknowledge our personal feelings. Wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.”

Honestly, the things Winter says in this exchange were absolutely spot on. She understood the duty she had, but also understood that her emotions were an important factor when it came to making important decisions. “It’s what makes us human.” She herself was honestly more human in this scene than Penny, who didn’t completely understand what it meant to weigh actions and their consequences.

Winter understood exactly what it meant to feel everything that everyone was feeling. Being a soldier, she understood that emotions are kept in check so that it wouldn’t result in rash actions. She understood that emotions held significance when coming to decision, but should not be controlled by it, which was what was happening with team RWBY. What was frustrating about all of this was that it was made to look like just because Winter had different views from team RWBY, suddenly she can’t be the maiden because it would go against what they stand for, when in fact, she was making so much sense.

She had doubts. I honestly don’t know how people could say that Winter was this tool that Ironwood groomed to be the maiden, that she simply followed orders without question, when in fact, SHE WAS THE ONLY SOLDIER WHO QUESTIONED IRONWOOD.

She questioned everything from the start. She told Weiss that she’s known about everything since the fall of Beacon, and she was given a choice. She didn’t accept the idea just like any of the ace ops might have if it was given to them. Like she said, it bothered her at first. That meant she didn’t accept it immediately. Instead, the more she thought about it, the more she realized she could do some real good for Atlas and Remnant instead of simply following the orders of her higher ups (I’ll get to this in the next point). 

When V7 occurred, she explained to Weiss and everyone who questioned the military why they were doing what they did. She knew it wasn’t perfect but also knew that their heart was in the right place. During her conversation post-training with Weiss, you could tell by her expression that even she had doubts about the general’s decisions, but told her he wasn’t keeping secrets from her, unveiling that she was chosen to be the next maiden. 

When she was given the order to retrieve the maiden powers, she questioned everything in between. It was actually obvious that even Winter knew that the General’s decision in leaving Mantle to perish was not sitting well with her. Penny says “I do not see what is good about any of this”, to which Winter replies “On that we can agree on.” She understood the consequences of their actions but also knew what could happen if they continued with it. 

She fought for it the most. Despite being given the chance and eventually groomed to become the next maiden, she made it clear during her conversation with Weiss that she was CHOOSING her destiny, that she was making it her own. She understood what having this responsibility meant and dedicated her life for it, nearly dying just to make sure it was kept from Cinder. 

During their sky battle with Cinder, she had even expected to die as she fell from the sky since she knew Penny had to get to Fria with Cinder after her, saying that her life didn’t matter, knowing that the maiden was more important. The moment she saw that Fria was dying in Penny’s arms, she still made it a point to fight off Cinder EVEN WITHOUT HER AURA to protect her. She likely knew at that moment she would die but fought her anyway. She would give her life to keep the powers away from the enemy’s hands. 

This was frustrating because Penny knew that it was meant to go to Winter, that she had an intact aura, and during the time that Cinder was screaming, she could have called Winter to Fria and battled Cinder herself. But she didn’t. By calling to Winter at the time, it would have saved her the severe injuries Cinder inflicted, and maybe would have an actual shot at bringing her down and not escaping like she did.

From V3 to V7, we can assume that the timeline went on for 2 years. She was given this responsibility and devoted herself to it for 2 years. She worked so hard to make sure that this destiny wasn’t something that people would say was given to her, instead, something she chose for herself and carved to make it something that was hers, and hers alone. Imagine the frustration of committing your life to a mission for this span of time, only for it to be taken from you in a matter of minutes. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like for her to have something that precious taken from you. It basically makes her question her identity, her mission, and her place in life. 

She actually deserved to be the maiden more than anyone else in the series. It’s not because of her very obvious name or anything like that, but because she made the most sense, she worked the hardest for it, and she understood both sides of the story the most.

***

So these are some of the main points why I think Winter should have been the Winter maiden. Thought I might point these out before V8 comes out soon. 

Thank you for reading! I’m really psyched to see Winter again and I truly hope she’ll be okay this volume. (KEEP THIS QUEEN SAFE PLS)

Please, Volume 8. Don’t brush Winter off just like that. SHE DESERVED BETTER.