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#I just. don’t feel like I have anywhere else to vent really
chaoticgouda · 2 years
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#nonbinary#(saved this bc the first tweet op posted felt mean and made me uncomfortable)#but I still wanted to vent about this because what is restraint and boundaries online amirite#so here we go again:#I feel uncomfortable being called my irl name everywhere except at work and I feel like that’s bc the worksona i crafted#is so irontight that I’m fine being a Lady there but it low-key rankles me anywhere else#idk if that’s a gender thing or just a case of apathy and extreme alienation from myself though#I’d rather die than ever talk to my co-workers about other pronouns or anything though bc the gossip would spread throughout work within-#the hour. and it’s not like people would be really awkward about it (I hope) because I think I’m generally liked by my coworkers. but I’d#hate to be pitied or misunderstood. and it’s not like i have dysphoria or anything so I don’t personally feel justified in calling myself#trans. I’m just alienated from womanhood. but that could also be because i don’t have an interest in most socially-expected ‘woman things’#and bc I’m not mentally well or het. and that inherently separates you from the expected Girl Experience.#this is really rambly and nonsensical okay I guess if I really thought about it I’d love to be called Krill by everyone because it has less#baggage and feels more like me. but i’m not necessarily upset at being called my RL name. I don’t have dysphoria I just have mild ick.#like I’d prefer being considered a They and not being expected to be any gender at all. but it doesn’t kill me inside y’know#it’s fine.#if you read through this weird personal ramble then thanks ig?
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floral-hex · 5 months
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Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.
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lol it’s underwater 🐠
#ugggghhhhh so sad#like genuinely I think my therapist rocks#he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me#I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy#I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks#between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday#I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot#and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say#I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden#and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting#I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕#I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately#I don’t know what I’m going to do#I have to believe it’ll get better#because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point?#also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs.#I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing#and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top…#now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm….#I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh#but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is.#sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning#I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad#but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this#okay be safe#goodbye forever#text
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tragedykery · 1 year
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I hate. complicated friendships
#I love her but also.#I feel like such a bad friend for complaining about her but she’s just so. incredibly inconsiderate#like we planned to hang out ish at 1 pm today. suddenly she texts me like ‘hey I’m coming around 14:30 instead’#she knows I’m autistic too she knows how important having a schedule is for me and she pulls sth like that??#maybe it’s the fact that she’s an only child but ​she just expects the world and everyone else to accommodate for her#one time we were on a school trip and I was nauseous and I mentioned that to her and she just. made it all about herself???#like I get she’s got emetophobia but turning the conversation into a fifteen-minute-long rant about if I vomited to please not do it#anywhere she could see bc if I did she would cry and feel absolutely terrible for the rest of the day and etc etc etc#like bestie IM the one who’s sick here???#and like 50% of our conversations are just her venting at me (even more if you count the ones over text) and it’s. I don’t mind it when it’s#a normal amoun but she just treats me like an object for her to vent at and I Understand there’s stuff she can’t tell her therapist/coach bc#he knows her parents and she’s afraid he’ll tell on her if she talks about gender stuff (she’s not out) and I’m the closest trans friend she#has so I’m the person who understands it the best but it’s just. SO much#(but the moment I vent for once I just feel like she. doesn’t listen and that she thinks I’m just being too sensitive)#and that’s definitely my fault too bc idk how to communicate when she makes me uncomfortable with stuff like that#and she’s autistic too and doesn’t understand hints at all so I’d need to just State it and that feels so incredibly mean but.#there’s more instances I’m not typing out but just. ugh. I love her I really do and I feel like such a child for complaining about her on#tumblr dot com and I know I’m at fault too for not communicating when she makes me uncomfortable I’m not pretending I’m not to blame at all#but she’s self-centred and inconsiderate and. ugh#vent#elli rambles
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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crybaby-bkg · 1 year
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I hate saying this but I’m genuinely so mentally checked out of school right now and I hate it so fucking bad bc it makes doing even the simplest tasks so fucking difficult. I’m loving my mythology class bc it’s what I love to learn about but everything else feels so hard and heavy and burdensome. I have less than a month left but good lordt everything just feels so overwhelming and like I can’t keep up or retain anything and I hate it
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finalhaunts · 10 months
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Siigghh
#vent#idk man. feeling hopeless again#it is. so hard to be optimistic about the future when it is genuinely difficult imagining myself anywhere else but here#its difficult imagining myself getting out of this house that’s actually through a realistic scenario and isn’t just wishful andromanticized#my friends are trying to help me get out of here at least but is it even going to work out? is this all even going to be worth it?#idk.#imagining myself in a happier scenario genuinely truly does not feel right. it doesnt feel realistic. it doesnt feel possible.#and whenever I think about it I just feel weird because I know I can’t get my hopes up like that#the thought of myself being happy doesn’t feel normal.#i feel like i’ve just been stuck in the same place i’ve always been and i always will. both literally and metaphorically#i’m always going to be in this shitty house around my shitty parents rotting away like i have been for nearly 18 years now#and i feel like despite my age i haven’t actually grown up. I havent grown as a person or changed or anything.#i dont have any big achievements. i’ve never worked. I put off getting drivers ed for years until now#I don’t know how to cook or to do things the right way unless i’m shown#literally 80% of my fucking life has been spent in my room or in school#i feel like i’ve just been in stasis for years and the thought of actually having a life feels impossible.#i get the whole ‘you don’t want to die you just want an escape’ thing people say but I genuinely can’t think of any other way I could really#escape this.#the only thing that’s really keeping me from actually going ahead and killing myself is the fact that it feels selfish. i feel selfish.#because its going to hurt my friends and im going to feel even worse about it if i survive#I’m honestly envious of all my friends lives. why couldn’t i have gotten that lucky.
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sensitivegoblin · 2 years
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:/
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reddeadii · 2 years
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bruh
#vent#no one rly follows me anyway and i dont have anywhere else to say it so im just gonna#say all this dumb stuff here#i legit don’t know what to do anymore like it’s so hard to get therapy and#i feel like im completely drowning and i don’t know who i am anymore and i feel like i’ve ruined everything with everyone that i love#i think im going to be all alone soon and i don’t know what to do about that#im so scared for school to start because i doubt that anyone is going to like me#i suck at introducing myself to new people and that’s what i’m gonna have to do like a million times like what am i supposed to say about#myself i don’t really have any hobbies or anything#i feel like there’s no point to my life anymore because it’s never gonna get better lol#gotta love chronic mental illness amirite#i don’t want to be alone i don’t want to lose anyone because i love everyone in my life so much but my friends treat me so badly and they#don’t like me now and i don’t know what to do because if i lose anyone else besides them i’ll be all alone and i don’t know what to do#and i don’t know what i did wrong! i don’t know why my friends don’t like me anymore#it’s not just ‘growing apart’ it’s not they’re genuinely being cruel to me#i don’t get it#i really don’t want to be alone#i feel like my life is going to shit and it’s all my fault#i know i did something wrong i must have i just don’t know what it is#i feel like such a burden to everyone in my life#and i try not to say anything i really do#i don’t want to bother anyone#but it just hurts so much i’m so sick and i don’t want to be alone#but like… if i keep Saying Things i’m going to ruin everything i have left
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demonicchicken1121 · 4 months
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Alastor, Rosie, and Cannibal Town: an Analysis (I’m fucking at it (Alastor Posting) again)
Ok I know that a lot of people have already been talking about this, but I really want to analyze Alastors behavior in cannibal town and how it’s so much different than how he behaves literally anywhere else.
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Alastors true motives, personality, opinions, etc are widely debated in the fandom. Does he actually care about Charlie or the hotel? What’s his beef with Lucifer? Why did he make a deal and who was it with? Al is such a mysterious and closed off character, and his demeanor changes so frequently that no one in or out of universe really knows much about him. I personally think that the closest we get to seeing Alastor in his truest and most authentic self is when he’s in cannibal town.
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From the moment they arrive, Alastors demeanor changes dramatically, even from a few moments before, when Charlie was venting about her relationship issues. He seems genuinely excited to be there and see Rosie, to the point where he seems to forget he brought Charlie here for a reason (hell I think he forgets Charlie is even there at a few points.)
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Al and Rosie HAVE seen each other since he returned to hell, at the overlord meeting, but they didn’t really have the time to interact. Even so, they are so in tune with each other. This man was gone for seven years and here they are gaslight gatekeep girlbossing like nothing happened.
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But once they actually have the opportunity to interact outside of the overlord meeting they’re super excited to catch up. The only other time he shows this much enthusiasm to see someone is with Mimzy, but things quickly goes south when she puts the hotel is danger. Alastors friendship with mimzy feels very onesided, and it seems that she only shows up when she needs something. While Alastor and Rosie clearly ask each other for favors, it feels a lot more equal in a way where they each get an equal amount of benefit.
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And while we haven’t seen much of them yet, I get the vibe that they hang out in their free time and respect each others boundaries and schedules. I think Al went through cannibal town hoping to see her in the prequel comic, but figured she was busy after the extermination and instead asked some of the residents to say hello on his behalf. But that’s just a theory, a gam-
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Also just a little thing I noticed, when rosie is joking about Charlie being too young for Alastor, Charlie looks visibly annoyed, but Alastors body language and expression don’t change. He tends to react relatively strongly when anyone (Angel) makes a move on him or assumes he’s dating anyone, but I think he knows Rosie well enough to know she’s joking.
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Alastor lets his guard down so much in this part of the episode. He’s really in his element and his behavior seems so natural and genuine.
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I love how he’s so willing to just roast Susan. Every iconic duo has that one person they fucking hate and will not be subtle about how much they fucking hate them. It’s especially funny with alastor, who’s usually really pretentious and passive aggressive when he insults someone, but with Susan it’s just
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“✨Ornery old bitch?✨” also this is the only time in the entire series that alastor swears in a genuinely humorous way. In almost every other example, he is trying to intimidate someone or piss them off, and also when his staff was broken.
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And speaking of his staff, I think it was actually a big deal that Alastor let Charlie use it, even tho it was for a very short time. This does show that whether or not he actually cares about her, Alastor does have a certain amount of trust and respect for Charlie. Despite that, I don’t think he would have done this if he wasn’t in cannibal town and with Rosie. The staff is clearly very important to him and likely holds some amount of his power, given how he reacted when it was broken.
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As weird as this sentence is out of context, I think Alastor feels very safe in cannibal down. Rosie and probably the other cannibals genuinely like and respect him. it speaks volumes that not only he let Charlie use his staff, but he put himself in the position that would leave him vulnerable to Rosie if Charlie were to turn on him. While he knows it’s highly unlikely that would happen, I think it’s still worth noting that he intentionally left himself in such a vulnerable position in cannibal town and nowhere else.
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Something else interesting I noticed, is that “ready for this” is one of the only songs that Alastor is interacting with another character, and isn’t competing for the spotlight. He is walking all over Vox in “stayed gone”, and getting walked all over by Lucifer in “Hells greatest dad”, but here, he’s very in tune with everyone else. He and Rosie are on equal footing and he feels secure enough to fade into the background a bit, harmonizing with the cannibals and letting Charlie take the lead.
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So yeah, I feel like Cannibal town is alastors home in hell. His relationship with Rosie is probably the most positive relationship he has in the whole show. I think viv has mentioned that Alastor wasn’t a cannibal before he died, and I’m not sure if that’s still canon, but if it is, I can definitely see him becoming a cannibal when he became friends with Rosie. I can also see Rosie being one of his first friends in hell, maybe they even rose to power together. I’m clearly getting into some more speculative headcanons because I do what I want, but I’m putting them in their own section.
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Now for headcanons with little to no substantial evidence ✨✨✨
I do actually really like the idea that they became friends very quickly and rose to power together. I like the idea that they were friends before Alastor became this super powerful force in hell. It also makes sense that he would trust someone who wanted to be his friend back when people weren’t constantly asking for favors or testing his power. Bc I do think that there was a short period of time between him arriving in hell and rising to power. (I have a lot of ideas about how he got his powers which probably will get its own post, but to brief, he wasn’t super powerful when he arrived in hell.) it makes sense that him and Rosie would have become friends in that period.
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When he did start rising to power, I think Rosie would have guided him, given that he was a relatively new sinner. She would help him find overlords to target, possibly even letting him recruit cannibals to help him take them down. After he was finished broadcasting their screams, he would return their bodies to Rosie for her to sell. Maybe any cannibals who helped him would get discounts or first pickings.
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This makes sense to me bc not only would it help explain why Alastor has never seen Rosie as a rival or a target, but also it would help explain why they’re so close. Nothing builds a friendship better than overthrowing incredible forces of power. Also they totally square dance on the weekends.
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Viv please I need an episode that’s nothing but these two dicking around in cannibal town for twenty minutes.
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wutheringcaterpillar · 5 months
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Remember That Night? Chapter 1/4
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Summary: What happens when your boss whom your head over heels for calls you in the middle of the night to go for a drive and things go further than they should? Will they make it work or will it end in tragic heartache?
warnings: boss/employee relationship, nostalgia, deep descriptions of heartbreak
italicized is past tense.
The case files spread out across your desk were all mixing together in a blur. It felt like there was no end to it and this was the one you thought was gonna stick with you. The rest of the team had left except for Aaron. He was sitting in his own office looking for anything that could stand out exactly like you were.
Glancing up you saw his eyes scanning the papers intently with one hand resting on his forehead. In your heart you missed the bond that you shared with him deeply but the chances of anything happening again were close to zero and it made your heart ache to think that he’d never be yours.
A few months after Haley passed Aaron was having a night just like the one you’re having now and he needed closure. The night still replayed in your mind at moments like this but you’re okay now. It had been five months since the two of you cut whatever connection you had romantically off. You’ve moved on and entered the dating world, it was for the better. Closing the case files you began to put them back in order and erase the case from your mind for the night. Right when you were about ready to get up and head out Aaron approached you at your desk and sat down in a chair across from you. “It’s late. Every one else went home hours ago. Everything okay?” His intent gaze stared deep into your eyes but you didn’t allow yourself to get lost in him. “Yeah, I just don’t understand how some people can be so cruel. I think this is the one that’s gonna stick with me and it worries me but, I know I need to get home and get rest.”
“Y/N, you know I’m always here if you need to talk or vent.” You nodded in response. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, you couldn’t help but see him twiddle his thumbs a bit, it looked as if he was in deep thought, his eyebrows were knitted together like they always were when he was like this. “What about you? Are you okay? Everything going well with Beth?” He stopped all movement and his eyes connected with yours once more. “Can I ask you something?”
“I’m an open book ask away.” He shifted in his chair, leaning forward a bit. “Do you remember that night? The first night?” All of a sudden the memory came flooding back like hurricane.
The night was beautiful out, a clear sky, twinkling stars, streetlights lit up the roads just outside of your apartment. The vacation you were currently on from work was much needed, thoughts of Aaron filled your mind at times. You couldn’t imagine how he was coping, being a single father, going to sleep in a bed without his wife. It had to have been difficult, you knew the crush you had on him was silly and that it would never go anywhere but you couldn’t help the feelings you had for this man. 
Settling down onto your couch you turned on the television to catch up on one of your favorite shows, avoiding the news at all costs you wanted all crime to be out of your head for your entire week off. Cracking open a beer you grabbed a blanket and settled it over your legs. About halfway into the episode your phone rang causing a groan to escape your lips but your heart fluttered when you saw it was Aaron. What could he possibly need it was 2:30 am. “Hello?” 
“Hi. I’m sorry to be calling you this late I hope I didn’t wake you.” When he spoke he sounded like he hadn’t slept yet and that he may have been having a bad night. “No, you’re okay. Is everything alright?” 
“Y/N I just really need someone right now. I hate to bother you on your vacation but would you like to go for a drive? If you’re too tired I understand.” You couldn’t help but respond as quickly as you did, this is the moment you had been waiting for. “I’m all for it. What’d you have in mind?” You couldn’t see it but Aaron was smiling on the other end of the phone. “I know a place.” 
For the fifteen minutes it took him to get there you didn’t want to get too dressed up, it was the middle of the night after all. You left your sweats on but changed into a snug fitted shirt before brushing your hair and throwing on a pair of tennis shoes. Water was splattered on the bathroom sink from you washing your face and brushing your teeth to disintegrate the alcohol smell on your tongue. When you heard the knock on your door your heart skipped a beat. Glancing at yourself one last time in the mirror a big bright excited smile took over your flushed face. Your mind guessing where he would take you as you walked to answer the door. 
On the other side Aaron stood there also dressed in sweats and a t-shirt he looked absolutely breathtaking even out of his suit. His hair was slightly disheveled and when he spoke “Hello” to you the small dimples next to his lips formed from a smile. Aside from that you were completely locked in and lost in his eyes, he was really here. “So are you ready?” You nodded in response and he moved out of your way to excuse you into the hallway. “So where are we going?” 
“It’s a surprise.” 
Once outside he opened your car door for you like a gentleman before getting into his own side. The way his hands curled over the steering wheel and his veins popped out sent so many thoughts swirling in your mind. The car ride was filled with endless conversation, mostly him asking about your vacation and you asking how the team has been doing but neither of you talked about any cases past or present. It was nice. 
He maneuvered his car into a parking lot, there was a hill toward the top of it, looking like it would be overlooking something. 
Once out of the car the wind blew slightly causing leaves to flutter around, he noticed you cross your arms together. “Are you cold? I have an extra jacket in the car if you’d like it. I keep it in there for Jack because he tends to cold with how much I use the air conditioning.” A small chuckle escaped your lips. “No, it’s okay, it feels-“ Before you could finish your sentence he was opening the back car door and pulling out one of his gray zip up hoodies. “I insist.” As if you weren’t trying to hide your blushing cheeks enough they surely came out now. 
Putting on the jacket, Aaron stood by your side as you walked up the small hill. When you reached the top there was a single bench looking over a sea of water. “I know it’s not much but this is where I tend to go when I need to think.” 
“Aaron this is- this is beautiful.” 
“I’m glad you agree.” He patted the bench, motioning for you to sit with him. The both of you sat in silence for a few moments just listening to the waves hitting the shoreline and the breeze causing leaves to fall from the tree and dance in the surrounding area. Small clouds were starting to roll over in the sky. In that moment you felt Aaron’s arm slide behind you, pulling you in a bit closer to him, his hand resting on your upper arm. As close as you were, you wanted to be closer, wanted to be snuggling with him but you didn’t put any pressure on it and just took the moment in to yourself, thankful that this was happening. “So is Jack with Jess tonight?” Aaron nodded in response. 
“He is. Had the house to myself was feeling lonely and even though it’s been a month since Haley has passed it still manages to bother me at times like tonight. I’m really glad you came with me.” He looked over his shoulder at you taking in your beauty and you did the same taking in how handsome he was. “Me too.” The two of you gazed into each others eyes searching for someone to make a move, you both leaned in simultaneously and your lips smashed together in an electrifying kiss. His lips were extremely soft, tasting of mint and had taken your breath away. Neither of your eyes had opened during the kiss. His free hand rested gently against your cheek deepening the kiss. At that moment little sprinkles landed on the top of your head but neither of you had a care in the world. When the kiss finally broke a part of the strong feelings you had for him came out. “Would you maybe want to stay with me tonight at my place?” His eyes glistened in the rain. “I’d love nothing more.” 
The night consisted of gentle spontaneous love making and you fell asleep in the arms of the man you had loved for so long more than anything, it was perfect.
He knew he had hit a nerve with your blank expression, but some part of him was just curious if you ever thought about it? “I um- I do but I try not to. No offense. It’s just I finally have moved past us and the future is looking great for me but Aaron you know I still-“
“I know, you don’t have to say it.” He spoke so gently and his face was of pure care and solidity. “I still do too.” His hand rested on yours for a few seconds as you both just sat in each others company. There was something about him that still had a hold of you, a place in your heart and just when you think you could replace it you have a moment like this with him. Every thing in you wanted to quit on the spot just so you could have him but you knew in your head that things don’t work out like that. He got up from his chair and offered to follow you home to ensure you make it there safely but you politely declined. That was when your phone rang. “Hi- Yeah I’m headed home I’ll be there in a bit- I miss you too- Okay- Bye.” Aaron wanted to ask who it was but he had no right to and he knew that so he let it be. “I will see you in the morning then?” You nodded before bidding each other goodbye once again. It shouldn’t but it felt like the first time, like you lost him again.
Arriving home you threw your keys onto the table and kissed your boyfriend whom was staying for the night he noticed the pained look on your face, the sadness that filled it. “Every thing okay babe? What’s wrong?” He took you into his arms as you cried, letting every thing out. You couldn’t love someone else the way you loved Aaron, this unexplainable connection you shared with him killed you after moments the two of you shared like tonight. If he had never brought up that night you would have been fine, but he did and here you were crying over Aaron Hotchner once again, just as you were getting back to life without him in it. You ended up telling your boyfriend it was the case you were on which wasn’t fair by any means, but as he drifted into sleep next to you, you couldn’t help but look at him and get upset. He wasn’t Aaron. No one was. That was when the night he broke it off entered into your mind.
“Y/N I’m your boss and we’re getting too close. I think it’s better that this is the last night we share together in this way. We need to stop.” It felt like a tidal of waves crashed into your heart and completely shattered it. All happiness in your face disappeared. This was the last thing you expected to happen tonight. 
You sulked in your seat, tracing your thumb around the salted rim of your glass. His eyes searched your facial expression, being a profiler you knew he was reading you like a book. His hand moved a strand of hair from your face, placing it behind your ear. “Please don’t be upset. We’ll still be close, and see each other at work but I think that’s where it should stay.” A scoff escaped your lips, shaking your head you grabbed your glass and finished off the remaining alcohol before aggressively setting it back down. 
“Yeah, well not as close as I’d like.” 
“ Y/N-“ 
“Just don’t.” When you stood up out of your chair you fell back a bit and the grip of Aaron’s hand was on your arm gently right away. “At least let me drive you home you can’t drive like this.” Putting your hand up you dismissed him completely. “I’m fine. I’ll see you in the morning, boss.” Walking out of the restaurant the rain poured as if it knew how you were feeling. As soon as you were out the door away from him the tears flooded out as you walked to your car. How could he do this to you? All the dates, the phone calls, the photos, they were completely meaningless. You read him all wrong, this situation all wrong. You were head over heels in love with Aaron and you thought he felt the same. Reaching into your purse you retrieved the first keychain he had bought you, and threw it into a bush by the entrance. You wanted anything and everything that reminded you of him gone. The car ride home felt like it was never ending. The rain made it difficult to see and the only songs on the radio were depressing love songs about heartache. Walking into your apartment you tossed your keys onto the table before turning on the lights and setting the alarm. 
Making your way into your bedroom you glanced around the room, you thought to yourself how your never going to be graced with Aaron’s face or presence in it ever again. Falling into your bed you clutched your pillow tightly tears flowing out like an ocean while his side of the bed lay empty. A hole in your heart is all that you felt, you couldn’t even imagine having to see him at work tomorrow. You could just see yourself excusing yourself to go cry somewhere. You really thought he could be the one but all hope of that had vanished. The next morning your tear stained face made you look a mess your clothes were disheveled, hair a mess but you couldn’t find a care in the world. You wanted to walk into work and make him see what he did to you. The buzzing of your phone dragged you out of your thoughts. A voicemail notification from Aaron popped up. As much as your head told you not to listen to it your heart spoke differently. “Hi, I wanted to make sure you got home safely and that you’re doing okay. If you could let me know that’d be great but if not I’ll see you at work. I truly hope there’s no hard feelings Y/N. Well I guess that’s all goodbye.” How dare he, no hard feelings? Does he not realize how much he broke you? You wanted to throw your phone and cry again but you decided to keep yourself composed and get ready for work and head in. Of course Aaron ended up calling in because Jack got sick, and he did text you about it but you reluctantly responded with, “I don’t think we should text or call anymore about anything personal. Strictly work.” He hadn’t responded for hours and the day completely dragged out you couldn’t focus and the team took notice especially Emily and Spencer because they were the closest to you but you didn’t tell them anything about your situation just that you were having a bad day. They were understanding and said they would be there whenever you’re ready to talk about it. When you went home for the night digging for clean clothes you found one of Aaron’s work shirts in your hamper, it must have been the only one not washed because it still smelled exactly like him. As much as your head told you not to put it on your heart spoke differently. As soon as you slipped it on the tears began again and you just spent the night in your apartment alone, sulking, listening to sad music, watching sad movies, cooking dinner for one, yourself. Things were different and you hated it, your body hated it, and you barely knew how to function mentally, physically, and emotionally. Was there ever going to be an end to this pain?
Little did you know Aaron did follow you home to make sure you got there safely, you didn’t put any thought into the car following you because all your thoughts were about Aaron. He watched and made sure you got in the door but to his surprise a man opened the door and he was ready to get out of his car to come protect you until he stopped with his door halfway opened as he saw you kiss the man. You had moved on, but you were unaware of the fact that Aaron had gotten the papers for his two weeks and had broken up with Beth a week ago. That’s why he never answered how she was earlier because he hadn’t been talking to her. He couldn’t be upset but he was and it was completely selfish. So against his will he drove home, to an empty apartment like before and went to sleep in an empty bed, holding onto the memory of you being next to him as he cried and held onto a shirt you left at his apartment that he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of.
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froggibus · 1 year
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Vermillion Flames - Blackwatch! Genji
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Pairing: Blackwatch! Genji Shimada x f! Reader (reader uses female pronouns + has a pussy)
Genre: angst, smut/NSFW
Word Count: 4.7k
Summary: Genji is the newest addition to Blackwatch, and while he seems to be angry at everything, his anger seems to be clouded over by something else—his feelings for you
CW: dubcon, dark! Genji, Blackwatch! Genji, dom! Genji, sub! reader, dacryphilia, masturbation, marking, choking, possessiveness, unprotected sex, multiple creampies, overstimulation, breeding? kinda, violence, reader gets shot, mutual pining, Genji is a lil obsessive
THIS IS NOT THE HAPPY, WELL-ADJUSTED GENJI WE KNOW AND LOVE. THIS IS A DARKER, BLACKWATCH GENJI WHO IS STILL COPING WITH HIS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AFTER THE INCIDENT.
I’ve had this idea for a really long time and at one point was writing a full length fic about this, but I always lose motivation so here is the bite sized version lol. I kinda tried to keep his character here while also playing to the darker elements, especially his feelings towards himself and others after the accident. also I’m just super down bad for dark! Genji so enjoy <3
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————
If there’s anything you’ve come to learn in your time as a Blackwatch agent, it’s how to know when you’re being watched. 
Despite stepping off of the jet into the cold Russian air, you feel the warm sting of eyes on your back. You glance over your shoulder—but the only people around are your teammates. 
Cole Cassidy isn’t even looking your way, his focus is on the holster attached to his belt and the Peacekeeper that sits inside of it. 
Gabriel Reyes has his holopad out, eyes narrowed at the schematics on his screen. He doesn’t seem aware of what’s going on around him, but you know Reyes—he’s always watching. 
Moira O’Deorain hasn’t even stepped off of the jet yet. Your best guess is she’s still gathering all of her equipment into a bag that she’ll force Cassidy to carry later on. 
So that leaves Genji. The mysterious cyborg is the newest addition to your team and he’s kept to himself the past few weeks. You’d be lying if you said he hadn’t caught your eye, but you knew better. Reyes and Cassidy had constantly reminded you that he was dangerous, unstable. Still, the dangerous air to him sends electricity arcing up your back.
You shrug it off. Maybe you’re just paranoid because you’re about to infiltrate a terrorist organization. You turn back to the terrain ahead. 
Genji Shimada can’t seem to tear his eyes off of you. Something about the sway of your hips, the swell of your ass, just captivates him. Dark eyes stare at you, shockwaves rushing through his system. 
It’s been so long since a woman has been able to capture his attention. Ever since he became the cyborg monstrosity he sees himself as, he hasn’t had time for women. Or more accurately, women don’t want a robot for a boyfriend. 
He suppresses a sigh. The group has already started trekking through the snow, and he has no choice but to follow. The cold air does wonders to suppress the heat rushing through him, and he’s grateful for his mask so that no one sees the red tinge to his face. He forces his eyes to look at the horizon, to look at the path ahead, to look anywhere but you.
The trek to the facility feels like an eternity, and you’re not sure if it’s from the eyes burning into you or the deep snow, or some combination of both. 
You shake it off. You can’t afford to be distracted on this mission, and Genji is off limits. 
Genji is less than enthused when Reyes pairs him off with you. He couldn’t help but notice the way you shrunk in on yourself when Reyes called his name. He hates how the sight sends blood rushing through him.
The two of you set out on sneaking through the vents of the facility, blindly feeling your way through the dark in hopes to find the lab. You can hear Genji breathing behind you and see the red glow of his armor reflected on the vents. Having him behind you now, nowhere to stare but you, only confirms what you thought earlier. He was looking at you. You’re not sure how to feel about that. 
You’re so distracted by his presence that you don’t realize the loose grate beneath you until you’re falling through it, tumbling towards the ground. You barely manage to brace yourself before you hit the rubber floor of the facility, using your momentum to roll. 
Unfortunately, your entrance was less than graceful and now the Talon agents in the room are staring at you. 
Genji groans, shaking his head at you. Great. He watches as one of the agents hits the panic button, and red lights and an alarm start blaring. He watches from the vent, waiting to see what you’ll do. 
The agents in the room flee, but they’re replaced by other agents in full body armor, carrying pulse rifles. You stand your ground, extending out your bo staff and spinning it in front of you with expert grace. 
If he wasn’t so pissed off at you, Genji would be impressed. 
He lets you fight off the first wave on your own, but as soon as the agents start to overwhelm you, he’s dropping out of the vent. He lands silently, the agents not even noticing him until he’s slicing through their ranks. 
You finish off the last of your agents and freeze, watching him fight. He’s a blur of silver and black and red, a gory mess but beautiful in the same sense a graveyard is. Watching him now, you see why Cass and Reyes had warned you about him—you can almost see the ghosts of his past following him through the fight. 
You’re so distracted, so infatuated, you don’t notice the stray bullet headed straight for you. 
Genji reacts before you do, diving in front of you and deflecting it into the straggling agent. The agent collapses to the ground, a hole burning in his chest armor. 
“T-thank you.”
Genji spins around, staring down at you. He’s not very tall, but he just seems so much bigger than you right now. You wait for him to say something, anything, but instead he just sighs. 
The two of you make your way through the facility as quietly as you can, blending into the shadows casted by the blinking red lights. Every once in a while, Genji grabs your wrist harshly to tug you along with him. You don’t need words to know he’s pissed at you. 
He’s so mad at you, so frustrated with your inability to focus. And yet a stupid part of him still wants to protect you.
The journey back to the jet feels like an eternity, made worse by Genji’s complete and utter silence. You try to make conversation with him, avoiding bringing up what just happened, but it only seems to make him more angry. He walks slightly ahead of you, refusing to let himself look at you. 
The emotions swelling in his chest are so confusing, he just wants to hit something. He’s so angry at you, and your stupid sunshine persona just keeps talking and talking. He’s half tempted to tell you to shut up, stop talking, but he knows he has to keep it together until you’re back to safety. And though he’s angry, another part of him isn’t.
It’s the first time in months he’s felt something that wasn’t riddled in angst and guilt, and he hates it. He hates that he wants to just look at you. Just stare at you for hours on end. He hates the way you make his heart race and the blood rush to his groin. 
Just before you make it to the jet, a few meters from where the ramp is down and you’re sure Reyes and Cass and Moira are waiting, you try to catch up with Genji.
You jog up to his side, trying to grab his shoulder to get his attention. “Hey, I’m really sorry for—”
Genji spins around impossibly fast, catching your wrist in his metal palm. He squeezes it enough for it to hurt. You try to pull away but he keeps you there—a display of his strength, and the difference between the two of you. You hate the way it makes your heart speed up in spite of the pain. 
“Don’t.” He simply says, but he doesn’t let go of your wrist. 
His tone catches you by surprise. You’ve barely ever talked to him, and now he sounds so angry with you, it makes you shiver. 
You glare at him, waiting for him to say something else. He glares back, red eyes narrowing in on you. When your eyes meet, there’s that electricity again. You wonder if he feels it too. 
Then, as if nothing happened, he drops your wrist and boards the plane. You catch your aching wrist, rubbing at the sore skin, before following him onto the jet. 
You’re pulled into Morrison’s office almost as soon as you land back at HQ. Reyes follows you in, ready to both berate and defend you in front of his closest comrade. You stand the whole time, fingers fiddling with the foam head of the chair next to Reyes. 
You zone out while Jack yells, staring at the wall above his head, waiting for it to be over. Everything he’s saying is true—you were reckless, distracted, stupid. You could have gotten everybody killed, one more mistake like this and there won’t be a place for you within Blackwatch anymore. 
Genji listens from the other side of the door. He tried to stop himself, but the look on your face when Reyes started to guide you down the hall changed his mind. You looked so scared. He wasn’t going to let you face that alone. 
Everytime Jack raises his voice, Genji’s hand clenches the door handle, ready to burst into the room. Yet he doesn’t, because everytime, you just say ‘yes sir’ in that cute obedient voice that’s driving him crazy. 
At a particularly loud burst, he’s turning the handle when he hears the loud clicking of boots behind him. 
“Don’t,” Cassidy warns, “it ain’t worth it.”
He spins around, squinting at the cowboy. They’ve barely interacted, but when they have, it’s been brief. 
“Y/n made the mistake, y/n’s gotta pay for it. Simple.” 
Genji takes a deep breath. He knows he’s right, it’s none of Genji’s business. But something about being told to leave you alone, let you face this alone, makes him so angry. He can feel the blood rush to his ears. 
“I don’t know if I like you muckin’ about in their business, anyway.” He raises an eyebrow at the cyborg, “y/n’s a good person.” 
Though he doesn’t say it, the implication is loud and clear. You’re a good person, he’s not. Still, being told to stay away from you only makes him want to be with you more. He hates it. 
“Just,” the cowboy sighs, taking back his earlier judgment. “Don’t do anything stupid.” He turns on his heel and walks down the hallway, spurs clicking the whole way. 
They’ve been talking for so long that the meeting is almost over, and Genji only has a few seconds to dash down the hall before the door is swinging open. 
You tug on your hair in frustration, forcing yourself to keep your feelings in until you get to your room. You scream as soon as your door closes behind you, kicking a pile of clothes in frustration. 
You pull off your suit, toss it with the clothes, and collapse in a heap on your bed. You fucked up so bad, you really, really fucked up. And it’s all because of that stupid fucking cyborg and his stupid fucking attitude. 
You lay there in your underwear for god knows how long, sobbing out your frustrations for the day. 
Genji sits in his bed on the other side of the wall. He can hear you, and a part of him wants to comfort you. But another, darker part of him just wants to see you cry. He shakes his head—when did he get so fucked up?
Still, he can’t help but seethe. He’s the only one who should be making you cry like this, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be from him yelling at you. God. 
He tugs off his visor and slams it on his nightstand. He doesn’t even know how to deal with his feelings anymore. It’s been so long since he’s felt anything but this burning anger, and the combination of these emotions are driving him crazy. You’re driving him crazy. 
It’s like his attraction has dialed up to 11, and he doesn’t know how to cope. 
He can still hear your sobs from the other side of the wall, and he hates the way it makes his cock swell. It hurts—straining against the metal plate of his armor. 
He groans, part pain, part pleasure. He hates his body, he hates his stupid robot parts. And the fact that he can’t even get a hard on anymore without it hurting makes him hate everything even more. 
He strips out of his armor, peeling away the metal parts that he can, despising the ones he can’t. Still, he’s happy that his cock is free, the fresh air feeling amazing on his sensitive head. 
He spits in his hand, spreading out the moisture on the shaft of his cock. He focuses on the sound of your crying through the walls, shutting his eyes and rubbing himself while he listens to it. You sound so pretty, so weak. He loves it. 
He only wishes he was in there with you.
He speeds up his movements, thrusting into his hand. He can picture it so well—him pinning you to the bed, fucking you until you cry like that. Listening to you beg and whine and sob all night. 
He’s finishing in his hand before he can finish the fantasy, wiping off the cum with a tissue and tossing it in the trash. 
He lays back in bed. What the fuck is wrong with me? He was never like this before, never into stuff like this before. And he knows a part of him will never be the same since the accident, but he didn’t know it would be like this. 
He wants to protect you. He wants to avoid you. He wants to fuck you, he wants to make you cry. He wants to make you feel better, he wants to take care of you. It makes his head spin. He’s never been obsessed like this before. 
He shakes his head. He needs to stay away from you before this gets any worse. 
Genji avoids you like the plague after that. He always chooses to spar with Cass during training, he refuses to be your partner on missions, and when he is, he just ignores you the whole time. 
You’re not even sure what you did wrong. You know there was that weird, tense moment after you messed up that mission, but you didn’t think that was reason enough to hate you. The whole enigma of him makes your head spin, but it’s so alluring that you couldn’t hate him even if you wanted to. 
Sometimes you catch him staring at you, red eyes examining you like prey, but as soon as you notice it, it’s done. You’re not one to talk though—sometimes you catch yourself zoning out on him, watching his arms as he trains, watching his sweaty black hair falling in his face. 
The tension between you two is suffocating. 
So of course Reyes has to assign him to be your partner on an undercover mission in London. 
The mission starts off normal, but so did all of the other ones. Genji keeps a close eye on you, ready to make sure you don’t get distracted and fuck up again. Still, he’s the one that’s distracted. Ever since that day in his room when he got off on hearing you cry, his feelings towards you have only grown. 
He shakes his head and forces himself to focus. He can’t afford to get distracted here—not when either one of you could get hurt in the process. 
The rooftops of London are completely empty, and so are the streets, surprisingly. The two of you creep around, trying to make your way to the stakeout point so you can observe a secret meetup. The air smells of petrichor, the sky threatening to open up and pour down on you. You wouldn’t complain if it did. You need something to cool you off from the thoughts you’ve been having about Genji. 
You make it to the designated spot, setting up your stuff. You radio to Reyes that you’ve arrived at the vantage point and he radios back that the deal should be happening at any minute. 
Any minute, which is code for anytime in the next hour. You hope it’s sooner rather than later so you don’t have to deal with this awkward silence. You fiddle with your fingers, tapping them on your knees. 
Genji watches you closely. He watches the way you mess around with your fingers, watches your chest with every breath you take. That costume fits you perfectly, and he hates the idea that other people get to see you like this. 
The meeting happens only a few minutes after you arrive, a tall omnic dressed in a suit emerging from the shadows to deal with a scraggly looking man. Genji observes them closely while you take pictures, capturing everything they do. 
Something seems wrong, though. They’re not exchanging goods like the intel said they would be. In fact, it doesn’t seem like a secret meeting at all. Genji realizes it’s a trap a second too late, only managing to shove you down as a bullet rips across the landscape. 
It grazes your shoulder, a burning pain spreading through your body. You collapse to the ground with a whine, Genji landing on top of you. He presses his hand to your mouth to keep you quiet. 
You’re in so much pain—you’re not sure you’ve ever felt this way before. It burns and it aches and it feels as though you’ve been ripped apart. Genji presses down on the wound and a scream leaves your throat just as another bullet rips through the air. 
It just barely misses the top of Genji’s head. 
“Stay here,” he breathes heavily, suddenly pouncing to his feet. 
That’s the most he’s spoken to you in weeks, and it’s the first thing you’ve heard him say without that tone behind it. You watch as he stands up and draws his sword, challenging the sniper to shoot again. 
They do, and Genji is ready. He deflects it back perfectly, the clang of metal on metal replacing the sound of the shot. There’s a yelp from far away, and satisfied that he’s got them, Genji returns to your side. 
Only, you’ve lost so much blood that you’re barely coherent. “Fuck!” He taps your face, willing you to stay with him, but you drift off. 
You wake up in a hotel room, body aching in the clean linen sheets. Your shoulder burns, and then you remember what happened. You sit up quickly, tugging off your shirt to examine the wound. It’s been cleaned and bandaged, under a huge patch of blood stained gauze. 
You sigh in relief. You’re not dead—but you would be if it weren’t for Genji.
The hotel room is fairly clean, aside from your bloody uniform that’s laying on the ground next to the bed. You blink a few times. You were on a mission—where did you get a spare change of clothes? Did Genji go shopping?
As if on cue, Genji speaks from where he’s sitting near the closed curtains. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I got shot,” you admit. 
He nods, clearly not in a joking mood. “They won’t be able to extract us until tomorrow morning. Reyes set up this room for us and sent the extra clothes.”
That makes sense. There’s no way they’d be able to get you two out of the streets without drawing attention, especially after shots were fired. 
You rub the seam of the gauze, trailing over the wound subconsciously. 
“We should change that.”
You follow him into the bathroom, awkwardly sitting on the counter while he pulls out a grocery bag of first aid supplies. You pull off your shirt, embarrassed at the prospect of him seeing you half naked. At least you were unconscious and didn’t have to deal with the humiliation last time. 
You don’t miss the way Genji’s eyes graze over your skin, tracing the outline of your collarbone. It makes you heat up, thoughts of him kissing you there flooding your mind. You shake them away—he’s just helping you out. It’s wrong to think of him this way. 
 He peels off the old gauze covering, discarding it in the trash, before dabbing alcohol across the wound. 
You watch him work, fingers knowing what to do without him even thinking about it. He traces the outline of the gauze after he places it on your skin, cold metal fingers settling the hotter parts of you. 
You shiver under his touch, looking up at him. Genji looks back, dark eyes meeting your softer ones. You offer him a gentle grin. 
His hand moves from your shoulder to your hip, squeezing it. He finds himself leaning in, and you find yourself getting closer. And then just before your lips touch, he pulls away like he’s been burned. 
“G-Genji?”
He shakes his head, storming out of the bathroom. You follow after him, not even bothering to tug your shirt back on. 
“Don’t come near me!”
You furrow your brows at his words. “What? What’s going on? Did I do something wrong? You’ve been avoiding me for weeks!”
He tugs on his hair, repeatedly shaking his head at you. You can see the way his muscles are tensing, see the way he’s trying to show restraint. But why? 
“Genji,” you step closer to him cautiously, like you’re approaching a wild animal. “What is it?”
He keeps shaking his head, eyes focused on the floor, ignoring you completely. You take another step, only inches from him now. 
“Genji.”
“I’m a fucking monster, okay?” His outburst makes you flinch but you hold your ground. “I’m not even human anymore, and I have all these sick fucking thoughts about what I want to do to you and—you should just stay away from me, okay?”
“What kind of sick thoughts?”
“You don’t want to know,” his eyes finally meet yours. 
You step an inch closer, standing on your toes so that your mouth hovers near his. “I think I do.”
“Y/n,” he warns. 
You ignore the warning. You ignore all of the red flags. You ignore the voice in your head that says maybe this isn’t the best idea. You jump into his arms, smashing your lips against his and wrapping your legs around his waist. 
He turns you around to slam you into the wall, being careful to avoid reopening your wound. He’s so hungry for you, so desperate. His lips nip at yours like a man starved, all he wants, all he needs right now is to have you. 
He carries you over to the bed, tossing you into it before climbing on top of you and ripping off your pants. You’re left naked, shivering in anticipation at what he’s going to do to you. 
You don’t know how deep his cybernetic parts run, you hardly know anything about him, but he’s all you want. You tug him to you by his hair, making him kiss you again. One of his metal thighs slips between your legs, giving you something to grind your wet pussy against while you make out. 
His lips move down to your neck, biting at the sensitive skin. Moans force their way out of your throat, the sting of his teeth breaking the skin making your eyes water. 
Genji pulls back, looking at your teary eyes. The thought of finally having you like this, so vulnerable underneath him, is enough to make him feral. 
His hand is slipping between your legs, shoving two fingers inside of you with ease. Your wet pussy gushes around him, begging him for more. You whine at his roughness—but it’s so fucking good. 
He shoves them in and out of you, curling them inside of you in a way that makes your eyes roll back. His mouth finds its way to your tits, biting your nipple hard enough to make you gasp. The sound has his cock swelling even more, straining against the metal. 
He slips a third finger in you, stretching you out in such a delicious, amazing way. You moan his name, trying to let him know you’re getting close, but Genji is too drunk on the feeling of you to listen. 
He keeps attacking your chest with his mouth, leaving bruises and bite marks across your skin. It’s his way of marking his territory, of showing everyone who you belong to. 
He’s wanted this for so long, and he’s going to enjoy every fucking second of claiming you. 
You cum hard on his fingers, and Genji stops just to watch how pretty you look when you cum. He pulls his fingers out of you, sucking off the juices and moaning at the taste. 
The sight of him is enough to make you horny again, and suddenly you’re thrusting your hips in the air, desperate for any sort of contact. 
“So desperate,” he teases. 
“I-I—”
He mocks you, popping off the metal plate from his crotch and stroking his cock. He rubs his head through your folds, collecting up your slick on his shaft. You’re already ready for him, your first orgasm prepping you more than enough.
He pushes his whole cock in, your walls straining to take him. He can’t quite get his whole length inside of you, so he pulls out and shoves it in again. He watches as he sinks in and out of you, the last two inches of his cock staying outside of the wetness he longs to be in. 
He’s bigger than you’re used to, and your pussy is already so sensitive. That doesn’t stop Genji, though. He keeps slamming his hips into yours, trying to force his cock inside of you. You whimper with every thrust, almost screaming when he hits that spot deep inside of you. 
Genji rolls his hips into yours, thrusting hard and deep. He grabs at your neck, strong hand gently squeezing. You gasp at the sudden feeling and the lack of oxygen, but the burning in your throat feels so good you don’t want him to stop. Everything starts to get fuzzy, and the feeling of Genji railing you starts to feel even better. 
You don’t even realize you’re cumming until he releases his grip on your throat and lets you breathe. The blood rushes to your ears. Your eyes have teared up from the choking, a few tears rolling down your cheeks. You go to wipe them away, but Genji pins your wrists above your head. 
The sight of you lying beneath him, whimpering and crying like he imagined has him going crazy. He keeps bullying his cock into your swollen pussy, thrusts getting sloppier by the second until he fully bottoms out and pumps his cum inside of you. 
“G-Genji,” you breathe. “Did—did you just—”
Genji’s too drunk on your pussy to listen, fucking his cum back inside of you. The hot mixture of his cum and your juices being fucked inside of you has you curling your toes. 
His pace is brutal, his mind only set on fucking you full and keeping you stuffed. He pushes your legs up into your stomach, fucking you into a mating press. 
Your vision blurs from the tears, your nerves overloading from the overstimulation and making you shiver. Genji fucks you through it, pounding into you, sure to get his entire length in every time. It’s not long before you’re cumming again, your body convulsing with your orgasm. Your thighs shake uncontrollably, but Genji holds them in place while he finishes fucking you. 
He reaches up to wipe the tears from your face, the sight of you sobbing only making him fuck you harder. God, he’s wanted this for so long and he’ll do anything to keep it. Anything as long as he gets to keep fucking you like this. 
“G-gonna finish inside of you,” he groans. “Gonna stuff you full. Y-you like that?”
You nod furiously, but you’re so fucked out that he could do anything to you at this point and you wouldn’t care. Genji cums with a string of moans and curses, cock twitching inside of you. 
He doesn’t pull out, instead, he lays on his side and tugs you so your back is pressed against his chest. He keeps his cock inside of you, holding his cum inside.
It’s not long before you’re falling asleep, Genji’s fingers tracing patterns on your stomach. For the first time in a long time, he feels like the anger and the darkness within him are sated, and for now, that’s more than enough.
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aclowntiny · 10 months
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First ‘I Love You’ With Seventeen
Since Ateez got one & all! 😄 Warning: long post! 😂
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S.Coups
Almost every time you spent time with Seungcheol and the guys, you ended up taking care of them somehow, breaking up spats or cooking for them or even just satisfying certain members’ desire for attention. Not that you were anywhere near a de facto leader- in fact, it was just like you were parenting them. And while that made Choi ‘Family of Six’ Seungcheol fall over himself, head over heels to show you appreciation and affection every time, sometimes he needed you to himself.
This was one of those times.
The jacuzzi water was warm as it bubbled around you two, arms hanging out the edge and glasses in hand like anyone high society in movies would do. Seungcheol nuzzled affectionately into your cheek, grinning at the way you giggled his name when his nose brushed your skin.
“This is nice, isn’t it? Just you and me,” he murmured.
“You and me and the moon,” you hummed cheerily, “it’s wonderful, not that I don’t love the guys, but this must be what parents feel like when they go on vacation together.”
So you saw it too? Cute. “They love you, you know. And I can see why. But I loved you first,” Seungcheol remarked, the words slipping out as he kisses your cheek, feeling whole right there with you at his side.
“Well, that’s good,” you replied, smile so beautiful Seungcheol didn’t even need to look at the stars to see a shine, “because I love them, but I love you more.”
Setting down his glass, Seungcheol swept you into his arms, pulling you for a real kiss as you both repeated your confession, warm in both the water and your embrace.
Jeonghan
Life was kind to you. You had the most loving and understanding boyfriend anyone could ask for. Jeonghan was the best listener you’d ever met, and while you were careful not to abuse that, he let you know time and time again that he cared, that you could talk to him.
So hesitant as you were, you had gone to him one night after a bad day at work, saying you didn’t want to dwell too hard but needed a vent, and all he did was pull you to his lap without another question asked. That day had brought dealings with a particularly rude person, someone who’d taken a low blow at your appearance and unfortunately chosen something you were sensitive about. As you rested with your head in Jeonghan’s lap, his hand playing with your hair, you sighed that though you had a lot of blessings in life, you just wish that one thing at least would go away.
“You know that says more about them than it does about you, right?” Jeonghan began softly. “You would never tear someone down like that, would you?”
“Of course not,” you replied instantly, no thought even necessary.
“That’s because you’re a nice person. You don’t feel the need to cover your flaws with someone else’s or feel better than them. Even if you are in my mind,” he joked, squishing your cheek and bringing your first genuine smile and giggle of the day out.
“Don’t worry about what strangers think, ok? Those things you don’t like about yourself? I think they’re beautiful,” Jeonghan peers down at you with a soft smile, dark eyes sparkling, “I love them. I love you.”
As much as people think of your boyfriend as some sort of jokester, you know he’d never joke about a thing like that. That fond look like he sees the whole world? That really is for you. He truly loves you as you are. Tears welled in your eyes, only to fall back as you reached up, hand brushing along the curve of Jeonghan’s cheek.
“I can say all the same to you, Jeonghan. I love you, too.”
Joshua
Joshua wanted to fall in love first. Wasn’t a fan of being flirted with, having passes made at him, anything that felt disingenuous. What he wanted was a reality, a friendship that carried through into the greatest of bonds, something that he found for himself.
He found you. Well, sort of. When he met you, you treated him like anyone else. Cared to ask him deeper questions, like what the meaning of music was to him or if he could have any one piece of knowledge, what it would be. Let yourself loose and were your silly, smart, kind self very quickly, and he admired your comfort in that side of yourself. Or the resistence to social inhibitions at least, even if it was a challenge.
He hadn’t even expected to really fall for you, but the more you spoke, the less he could help it. You two just made sense together, his energy calming you and yours encouraging Joshua’s fun side- anything to keep you laughing with him, and laugh together you did!
Selfish as it sounded, he didn’t want anyone else to make you laugh like that. He wanted your heart to carry him as his did you, so when you agreed to date him, confessed you’d love that, wore the bracelet he’d made you with his initial on it, his heart just melted. Much as you deserved your freedom, Joshua wanted to be a home to you, and now it was time to tell you that.
~
You notice he’s that much more loving to you by the way he looks at you, the way he rushes around to open the car door for you and the way his arm slides up and down yours as you make your way into the restaurant he reserved a nice dinner for you two at.
You know him well enough to recognize that he’s biting his tongue about something, like his whole mind is leaning on the edge of his seat as he listens to you, but you know he takes time sometimes to speak his mind- it’s just Joshua’s nature, and you can accept that. You love him, after all, and that’s part of that.
So you keep talking, joking around along with your boyfriend as he reminisces on something embarrassing that happened to him in high school you still joke about, and you remind him of that funny baseball game trip you took with your grandparents.
“I hope I’m as lively as my great-grandpa is at that age, the way he climbed over the bench!"
"Minus the mustard," Joshua chuckled.
"Minus the mustard," you agreed, "I'd like to be a mustard-free grandparent."
Grandparent. One word and flashes of imagination burst through Joshua's mind, wondering what you two would look like as the quintessential old married couple, how many grandkids you'd have- and here he thought he hated thinking like that.
“Ha, that's a great image- I can almost see it. I see a future with you, you know,” Joshua tells you, taking your hand in his, eyes locked on yours. They aren’t searching, though- all you can see is pure joy, reassurance.
You can’t help the warmth that rises to your cheeks. “And of course I can see you in mine,” you reply.
“I love you,” you both say at the same time, and that’s how Joshua knows it’s real- you’ve found it together.
Jun
Welcome to the longest day ever. As he trudged his way home, that was all Junhui could think. Travel was fun, but also so grueling between work, jet lag, and little sleep. All he wanted to do was eat something and crash. Then he’d sleep for eight to twelve hours and wake up grateful for all the experiences that were still a bit hazy in his mind.
As he opened the door, sweet relief flooded him, and yet it was the tiniest bit strange entering the solitude. At least until-
“Welcome home!”
He almost jumped, just barely managed to quell his nerves enough to remain steady. Turning, he saw you standing at the table, food laid out and even a little cake that said ‘Welcome Back Junnie!!! > ω <’ frosted on top.
He was grateful enough you’d taken care of things while he was gone, but making him a late dinner? That adorable cake? He wasn’t even upset by the break of solitude, he realized, because time with you was still going to feel like ‘me time’. And who wouldn’t be overjoyed to see someone stayed up late to cook just for you? No, overjoyed wasn’t it, he reflected as he fell into your arms, he was in love.
“I’m home,” he said, and as if it would make it real he repeated it, “I’m home.”
“It feels good to be back, huh? I knew a party would be annoying, but figured you’d need something to eat, so welcome home,” you told him.
As you separated, Junhui held you a bit closer than arms’ length, hands on your shoulders as he shook his head, chuckling to himself. “No, you’re home. It’s you I missed the most this whole time, (y/n). I love you.”
And the way your face slowly, beautifully drifted into a grin, your hands sliding back up to pull him in, Junhui sighed in relief and giggled with delirious, sleepless joy, knowing you’d found your home, too.
Hoshi
You and Soonyoung sat cuddled together on the couch, his arm around you as you chatted…or you had been, but that didn’t always last with you two. One of you- it was a toss-up on who, honestly- would inevitably say something that had you both laughing like fools, normal conversation and breathing alike almost completely abandoned.
Such was one of those times as you sat connected but folded as your sides were about to split in the kind of mirth that makes you feel worked out afterward. You often described it as the best feeling, so it was fitting to share it with Soonyoung, your frequently-cited other half. That was part of why you-
“I love you!”
It was as if he read your mind, the way the words fell so abruptly, spontaneously, wonderfully from his lips as you thought a near variant. You could tell by the sudden ‘o’ shape his lips took, followed immediately by the wide, adorable grin you loved so much, that Soonyoung hadn’t even known he was going to say it, it just slipped out in between laughs.
“Uh, well, that is, I mean-”
“I love you too, Soonyoung.”
“Ok, good, because I really actually love you a lot and-”
“I love you a lot too,” you cut off his stammering, hands cupping his cheeks and yanking him into a kiss that was also no laughing matter.
No flowers, no frills, but as you sat there making out with your favorite partner in crime on the couch, you knew you wouldn’t want your confession any other way.
Wonwoo
“Wow, this is beautiful! We’re really going out here?”
Out here, in this case, being the lake you rapidly approached, all but running down the dock to the little boat your boyfriend had rented. Trees surrounded the secluded spot, draping its reflections in green that reached endlessly for the sky.
“M-hm,” Wonwoo replied contentedly, expression bright as he followed behind you at a more normal pace.
"How romantic!" You gushed, taking in the sprawling water as Wonwoo extended a hand, gently taking yours in it as he lowered you onto the cushioned bench like a true gentleman.
"I know," Wonwoo agreed as he untied the boat, earning a chuckle from you, "I wanted a day with just us and nature."
Nature. Just like any life in earth, your relationship had taken time, nourishment, and care to grow. And being at Wonwoo's side was natural for you; his presence was calming, but not stifling. Joy, excitement, laughter all bubbled up, but not with the same tension, you reflected as you cut further across the blue expanse.
"What are you thinking about?" Wonwoo asks, a hand still guiding your vessel, palming the controls effortlessly. Not that you were staring or anything.
You lean on the side of the boat, watching the water ever so slightly part. "How you bring out the best in me."
"You?" Wonwoo breathed as you eased to a stop. "You bring out the best in me. Pull me out of my shell. Sometimes it feels easier to stay in the background, just take it all in. Sometimes I would wonder if I would ever truly catch the eye of someone who sees me. And when I'm with you, I feel interesting. I feel light. Happy, like everything around me is clear. When we're together, I'm whole, simple as that. I wanted to have this moment to tell you I love you, (y/n)." As he said 'this moment', his hand waved over the tree-lined horizon, emphasizing the pinkening sunset tinting the clouds like watercolor over the forest.
No rush had ever overcome your heart like that. You wanted to cut the tension with something silly, exclaim in surprise, but neither of you deserved that. This truly was a moment to enjoy, one of life's blessings to live in your heart whenever you needed gratitude, you thought as you peered into Wonwoo's eyes.
See? Totally balanced energy. Reaching over, you rested your hand over his.
"I couldn't agree more. I guess this is a pretty good moment to tell you I love you, too," you reply with a smile that only widens his.
Woozi
It was really such a surprise. Jihoon hadn't expected you to push your way into his heart, not when he'd thought those doors were still shut for a long time to come. And even just the way that he was, busy and not exactly of social personality, he hadn't exactly been planning on falling in love.
But that's the thing with love- one didn't exactly plan on it. You kept things up even when he thought he was being awkward, showed genuine interest in his passions, supported him, built onto it with small ideas that had him inspired even though they were just offhand comments to you. You could read him so well, even when he thought he needed to act. He didn't. You told him so. And being with someone so introverted, you learned well how to sacrifice big activities and nights out if you even wanted them that often.
"As long as I'm with you," you'd say with a smile, and that small, small phrase had looped its way around Jihoon's brain. Somehow, it said everything he wanted to say.
As long as I'm with you.
He didn't want to do it in the studio- you'd spent enough time there for him as it was. No need to do everything in his workplace, not when this was an us thing. So he went over to yours, the space that belonged to you and less frequently housed your time together for myriad reasons, though it felt right. He ordered your favorite for dinner, let you choose what you two would watch, correctly guessing it was going to be your favorite movie. Comfort movie, you always called it. Comfort person, he always called you.
You got the delivery, he threw the blankets down. You played the DVD, he laughed at every joking comment and impression you did even if you did them every time. Doing separate things, but you two were in total sync.
But finally, you spoke outside of the screen. "I-I really like spending time together here, too. I'm glad you were able to make it."
Your shy smile had Jihoon's heart doing loop-de-loops- maybe you were worried he'd think you were imposing? You were not.
"Of course," he replied, hand resting over yours as his eyes studied your beautiful features, features that had inspired more than a few lyrics, even if some got tossed in the end, "you do a lot for me, it's only right I do it for you. It's not always easy, but you're such a trooper. I love you, you know."
DK
It shouldn’t be a big deal. You could feel it already, right? Seokmin tried his best every day for it to show, to create a world where you could bask in the feeling of it like the gift you were.
So why did it seem so hard to tell you he loves you?
Maybe because of his personality- you had to know it was in earnest, not just a joke, not him trying to be cute. His heart beating faster whenever he saw you, the strength you gave him to do anything because you believed in him, and he wished you guys could swap eyes to see how beautiful and precious you were to him.
Wait, so just…say all of that? Maybe too lengthy despite its verity. Maybe something he could practice? No, no script for this, just his heart held out to you. And maybe, just maybe, you’d see he means it if he’s serious, if you’re standing in your favorite place as he says it, somewhere he’d go every day if it made you smile.
And so he takes you there, practically just waving a hand at the potential time and expense if you bring it up. You're worth it, he tells you. All he wants is to have fun with you, you know. To share in something that makes you you.
Your face lights up as soon as you set foot in your favorite destination. “Seriously, I can’t thank you enough! Why are you doing this all of a sudden?”
The look in your eyes as you swivel to face him unleashes something, a soaring in his chest that he can no longer ignore- he wonders how he could have for so long. Like a wave crashing on a sea-bound rock, the words burst forth.
“Because I love you.”
Seokmin just, just gets in a glimpse of the way your eyes widen, shine even brighter if that’s possible, before you’re launching into his arms, giggling “I love you, too”.
Mingyu
He wanted to tackle you. He wanted to scoop you up and fly you off to some private island and tell you it’s yours, he’d give you the world if he could. But that’s just how dramatic love made Kim Mingyu. As it was, not really an option. And he knew you- that’s not what you’d want, and this was one hundred percent beyond a shadow of a doubt all about you.
But that was it, the gloves were…well, on, actually, as Mjngyu made his way into the kitchen for something that would be much more your speed. Something that, funny as the mental image would be, would not earn him a smack on the chest or a complaint about time and money. Just the thought made him smile. Pretty much any thought of you made Mingyu smile, even on days he wanted to cry, days where being his kind self took work.
And that was how he knew.
~
“Alright, alright, let’s see!” You laughed as your boyfriend took you by the shoulders, practically jogging you down the hall in excitement that took over you like the happiest of viruses. “What is it? You’re acting like you won the lottery!”
“I did,” he murmured into your ear as you rounded the corner, taking in all that he had set up for you.
The table perfectly set, a gorgeous vase of flowers and two candles a respectable distance from them as centers. Plates, cups, a wine bottle, dishes all at the ready for the meal set just where you could see it- a favorite from your home, clearly handmade.
“Mingyu, you-”. Your voice failed you momentarily beneath your ballooning heart, “how did you know to make this?”
“Got the recipe from your family,” he replied, and you swooned even more with mirth at the pride you heard in his voice, envisioning it even before you turned around to take in the real thing. Just as you thought he was standing quite straight, shoulders out and handsome grin flashing in victory.
“All this for-”
“For you, yes,” he took your hand, gazing into your eyes in the blinding way that always made your knees a bit weak, “I hope it shows. I couldn’t think of a better way to tell you I love you. …And believe me, I thought about it a lot.”
And there he was, sweet and innocent and wonderful as ever despite the bravado that made you laugh, shaking your head in utter wonder as you fell into his arms, feeling them close around you and trace your back in a way that said I’m never letting you go.
“Mingyu, I love you, too. So much.”
The8
Love is something Minghao considers often. Platonic, familial love that keeps him moving forward when things get difficult. The special love he shares with his friends that can keep him smiling in a hard time, laughing at nothing on a fishing trip or bouncing on a stage with his dear bandmates no matter how hot the weather is. The love fans have, whether that's a real love or not- much contemplation went into that area, what was the feeling of possession versus what was love.
Romantic love? Sure, he thought about that, too, and the answer to any doubts on that subject was modeled by none other than his parents, the way they raised him and brought each other's spirits up with full hearts you could just see in their eyes.
And he saw it in his own when he was with you. It was a truth as evident as the nose on his face or the color of his walls, and it's within those walls that the words slip forth. During a simple moment at home, just seeing you standing in his kitchen cracking eggs into a pan in the morning and all feels right in Minghao's world. It was you he wanted this life with, this home, this synergy. And the thought of bringing up a little mini-you? He was surprised how fast his heart beat at the thought.
Shuffling in behind you, he wrapped his arms around your middle as you cooked, feeling your cheek rise in a smile against his head and smiling right back.
"Good morning," you said, "It's a new day."
And those words of yours were like divine intervention, just another piece of proof you two were operating on the same frequency. "Good morning. It is. I'm so thankful for this day, when I can tell you how much I love you."
Seungkwan
"The beach wasn't the surprise?" You burst out incredulously.
Seungkwan had already brought you to gorgeous shores, the sound of waves crashing washing away worry, faithlessness, restlessness from your heart. There you'd both strolled for who knew how long, chatting idly, trading seashells, laughing lots as always, not a cloud in your physical or metaphorical skies.
And then he tells you he has a surprise for you.
At your question, he shakes his head, smiling shyly. "No, but I wanted to have this day with you. To make you happy and have a beautiful place for it all.
"You're so sweet!" As is their habit, as if they have a mind of their own, your arms find their way around his waist, pulling him closer to you.
Seungkwan melts into your touch, leaning forward just so until your foreheads touch. He stays like that a moment, hands on you as well, as if soaking in your warmth to carry with him. Then his arms are sliding down, gently unlocking from the embrace, though his hand gives yours a squeeze on the way out.
And he starts singing. That voice of his- you could never get enough, your eyes fluttering in threats to shut in bliss at the sound of it, and yet you want to stare, to drink in the sight. The words are familiar as home even though it's been a while since you've heard them, and your face immediately goes alight.
"I know this song," you remark quietly with a smile, watching the corners of Seungkwan's lips rise happily as he continued pouring forth sweet words.
It's a love song, probably about ten years old, and boy does it bring back memories of a simpler time, of wild imaginings of love as only conjured by a blissfully ignorant, sweet innocent mind. Back then, love could be whatever you wanted it to be. And right now, that idea doesn't seem so far off. Not when you have someone as encouraging, as faithful, as comforting and completely in tune with you as Seungkwan at your side. The man standing before you truly believes you can be anything and will do anything to help you achieve it.
As the last notes resound across your heart like carven sheet music, you're almost frozen to the spot, bare feet starting to sink into the sand as you grin dreamily.
"You remember that song?"
"Remember it?" You light up further, hands clasped. "I love that song! I used to insist it would be my wedding song when I was fifteen!"
"I wanted to learn it for you," Seungkwan continues, rubbing the back of his neck shyly with one hand while the other grabs for yours, "to make a moment worthy of telling you I love you."
Seungkwan could have told you he loved you in a McDonald's parking lot and your answer would have been the same, but his heart, his eye for detail, his sheer showmanship and yet humility blew you away. Your heart beat faster just for him as you raised your joined hands to your lips, hoping he felt the flutter too.
"Well, today was perfect. And even if it wasn't, I would still love you just as much. Which is a lot."
You considered saying more, but all that escaped you was a yelp as Seungkwan's hands fell to your back, dropping you suddenly in a dip as he kissed you at the sea's edge.
Vernon
He was usually so low-key.
Such thoughts are all you have as Vernon spoils you with a rooftop dinner, visions of the city surrounding your solitary peak on all sides. Neither of you dressed up often, but there you were, up to the nines at this gorgeous place you didn't even know you earned. Not that that was a good way to think. Knowing him as well as you did, you could hear Vernon brushing off thoughts like that. Sure you did, he'd say, you worked hard and he always wanted to care for you if he could. He was such a sweetheart. You wanted to carry his burdens, too, felt lighter and calmer around him. You loved him, but would that be too intense?
Either way, you didn't let such musings color your date stiff. Vernon talked about a movie he had just watched with Jeonghan and Seungkwan, giving his critiques but ultimately praising the romantic plot, how the love was so pure.
"The main male lead? He'd do anything for his love interest. He's willing to give up so much for her, and when she's ready to do the same? It's corny, but there's something so human about it. You know?"
"I do," you nod, leaning your hand on your chin, forgetting anything about elbows on the table as you gaze fondly at the object of your affection. You loved how he talked when he gave his little movie reviews, the passion in his eyes, the flowers in his words.
"It made me realize I'd do the same for you," Vernon continued, dark eyes softening into yours, melting your entire chest cavity to joyous mush.
Unable to help it any longer, you lean forward, connecting your lips with his, which move just as eagerly. The kiss is fast, but sweet, gentle brushes speaking just as much as Vernon’s sentiments.
“I would do it for you, too,” you breathe as the two of you separate, grinning like adorable fools beneath twinkling white lights.
“I came up here tonight because I wanted to tell you something,” Vernon adds, eyes never leaving yours, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Dino
Googling romantic date ideas had hit a jackpot, Chan thought as he whipped his arms, spreading the softest blanket he could find down.
“Tell me when I can look!” You called from some distance away as he laid the basket gently, almost tenderly down, feeling tense and turning twice just to make sure it didn’t drop or tip. Everything had to be perfect.
“In a minute,” he called back, grinning widely with joy, anticipation, even a hint of pride, “I’m almost finished, ok?”
“Ok!”
Chan’s heart swelled. You sounded so excited, too, joyful in voice and mannerism as you waited on the grass, back turned to him as he propped up the finishing touches.
“Alright, come here!” All but jogging over to you, Chan slung a hand over your shoulder. “Turn around, gorgeous.”
“Chan!” You giggled his name, reaching up to his his shoulder. He didn’t always talk like that, but praise and endearment were all his brain could come up with. You made him giddy, and for once there was no one around to tease him if he looked like a fool. And love was certainly making a happy fool of him.
When you turned around with him, your jaw dropped, widening to a slack smile at the sight Chan laid out for you. Upon the soft blanket he'd placed not just a picnic basket, but a chilled bottle of champagne, twin glasses, a pair of cute little bright solar lanterns, and a freshly wrapped bouquet of flowers.
"You did all this for me?"
"And no one else," he replied, arm still around you, guiding you as you both lowered into seated positions on the blanket.
"I feel so spoiled," you gushed as he handed you the flowers, smiling at the way you cradled them with gusto.
"You should," Chan grinned, pressing a kiss to your cheek, "I love you."
Flowers, glittering lanterns, and even food and wine forgotten for the moment, you knocked him on the blanket for a passionate kiss that spoke it all back.
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n6ptunova · 7 months
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concerts • matt sturniolo
a/n: first matt post!! idk how i feel abt this one but i’ll post another matt one soon hope y’all like ittt
summary: you and matt go to a dominic fike concert together.
warnings: nothing just a lil fluff? not proofread.
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“guys guys guys!” you repeated, getting the triplets and madi’s attention.
“dominic fike is gonna be performing at camp flog gnaw, let’s go pleaseee,” you practically begged. dominic fike was one of your favourite artists and you knew the boys, especially matt, liked him too so there’s no way they’ll refuse.
“are you kidding? we have to go! when is it?” matt reciprocated your excitement.
“it’s this sunday, i know someone who can get us tickets on short notic-”
“oh, this sunday is the lil skies show we told you about.. a couple of our friends are going so we can’t cancel last minute sorry,” chris interrupted looking guilty that he let you down. you declined going to the lil skies show before since you don’t really listen to him.
“that’s okay, i’ll look for someone else to go with i guess,” you were kinda disappointed.
see, when you first befriended the triplets you instantly clicked with nick and chris, but matt was a little harder to crack…or maybe your crush on him made it difficult to say a word. but when the topic of music and dominic fike was brought up, that was the first time you two really bonded and it became your little thing.
one time you had a particularly bad day, you were stressed and going through a lot with your job, college and friends that you started to isolate yourself. matt noticed you hadn’t been answering his texts or hanging out with them for a while.
so without telling his brothers he drove all the way to your house, you were so embarrassed of him seeing you in this state. but all he cared about was your well-being. he sat down next to you and listened intently to your venting without interrupting. he held you in his arms and rubbed your back as you cried and let it all out. he made you feel safe and comfortable.
“get up,” he said as you calmed down. he took you by the hand and gestured for you to go to your room. confused, you furrowed your eyebrows and turned to give him a questioning look.
“wash your face and change into something comfortable, just trust me.” that was all you needed to hear as you went to do exactly what he said. once you were done, he took your hand again and led you outside to his car where he opened the passenger door for you and closed it gently after you were seated.
“where are we going?” you asked as he got adjusted in the driver’s seat.
“somewhere, anywhere, i didn’t really think this through ngl,” he giggled nervously, “but whenever i felt down, going for a drive and listening music always helped, so i thought it would help you too- this is goofy it probably won’t i’m sor-”
“that’s perfect, matt.” you smiled trying to hide the creeping blush on your face. seeing how caring and nervous he is right now made you feel giddy inside. he smiled back shyly and started the car.
you got takeout and listened to dominic fike the entire time, singing your hearts out and laughing at how awful you both sounded, at how silly you probably looked playing an air guitar, but you didn’t care. you’ve never felt so free and happy and without realizing it you were falling more and more for matt.
eventually he parked in a dark, deserted area and opened the roof of the car, “this is the best place for stargazing, it always calmed me down,” he said making you both look up at the stars.
you sat in silence for a few minutes listening to his playlist shuffle. until ‘why’ by dominic fike started playing and you both sat up straight singing and dancing along, you singing extra loud relating to the lyrics and matt admiring you, happy he got you out of your bad mood.
this was the beginning of your “little thing”, you regularly went cruising together listening to dom, and eventually it turned into you two hanging out alone more often. that’s why you wanted to go to the concert. it was your thing. but live this time.
“i’ll go with you,” matt blurted.
“you will?”
“yeah, i’ve already seen skies plenty. not passing up on this opportunity,” there was a sudden tension in the room between you two, you knew what he meant. the others remained clueless as you both shared a knowing smile.
the day of the concert you felt a bit anxious, maybe it was seeing dom for the first time, or going to a concert alone with matt, or both. it seemed like a couple-y thing to do. it also didn’t help that matt was acting like your boyfriend.
holding your hand, guiding you everywhere, placing his hand on your lower back or around your arm while squeezing past the crowd of people. he even told you you look pretty, which he never did before.
as dom opened with one of his songs you were already screaming and jumping in excitement causing matt to chuckle at how cute you were. you spent the entire time reenacting your cruising time but live in concert, singing, dancing, jumping around.
some lyrics you would sing to each other looking straight into the other’s eyes. it felt like you were the only two people there. the last song that played was ‘why’, you both shared a look remembering the first time you hung out alone. you wanted to sing along so badly but the way matt was looking at you made you forget where you were and what you were doing.
you were suddenly nervous again, he looked so beautiful with the light hitting his face, his hair messed up from jumping around, and his face flushed from how cramped it was. you wanted to kiss him so bad.
luckily, he was thinking the same thing as he slid one hand up your neck, cupping your jaw and the other on your waist and leaned in to kiss you. no one would believe you but fireworks actually started going off in that same moment almost representing how you both felt from the inside. you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him even closer deepening the kiss while he smiled against your lips relieved that you reciprocated his feelings.
as you both pulled away the song got to the more upbeat part, he held your hand and you started singing along again with a new rush of adreline running through your veins lasting the entirety of the show.
on the way home you got some food and talked about the night you had and your feelings for each other. safe to say you don’t relate to ‘why’ anymore but it’ll forever be a special song to you and matt.
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phntmeii · 10 months
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♡ Dating Corey Cunningham Headcanons:
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❝ If I can’t have her… No one will. ❝
[SFW Headcanons + No Gendered Terms]
Content Warnings: Yandere Behavior, Stalking, Mentions of Murder/Violence, Possessive and Obsessive Behavior, Manipulation/Gaslighting, Mention of Previous Abuse.
A/N: Call me Saul Goodman the way I’ll defend this man. He did nothing wrong. He was simply being silly!!!!
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Post-Michael Era:
> Corey knows how to disguise himself to look harmless which is how he wants you to view him. No one else’s opinion matters on him besides yours.
> He doesn’t know what it is but you somehow made him feel normal and yet so… alive. That’s what made his life turn to you completely.
> Corey appears like a regular dorky, shy, boy next door type. That’s what made him so charming. He wouldn’t want you to know how dangerous he really was.
> After a shitty day, he just wants to sit down and talk with you. Over the phone or in-person, he finds your voice to be comforting.
> He sometimes secretly records your voice to replay it over and over again to soothe him if he can’t get to you.
> Corey somehow can always bump into you. It’s funny. It’s almost like he’s stalking you or something. And of course, it’s because he is and memorized your schedule the moment he saw you.
> Corey can’t help but claim you as his even before you two began dating because in his mind, no one could save you like he could. He was your hero. He’d make you see that soon.
> He’s always sweet to you. Showering you in affection and slowly manipulating you to believe only he can help you. You don’t need friends. You need him.
> Corey needs to feel needed by you. When he starts seeing you rely on him more and more, he knows he’s won. He has you just as he liked.
> Friends aren’t spending as much time with you recently? He’s right there to vent to. Parents getting on your ass about something? Hey, he knows what that’s like. Partner making you feel insecure? Corey will have you feeling like a precious diamond.
> And once you’ve realized Corey is the one, he’s more than overjoyed but he just gives a small smirk and wraps his arms around you.
> He’s the definition of “hates everyone but you” type. Everyone else is insufferable to him but nothing you do can bother him.
> Now that he has his love, finding targets becomes so much easier. Anyone who bothers you simply becomes a missing person who Corey led to Michael.
> Corey wouldn’t tell you about it until it became a true achievement in his mind. Say you had an abusive ex or a cheating ex, something along those lines. Corey would lead you to his “surprise” of that ex’s corpse and proclaiming his absolute love for you.
> Because to him, being willing to kill and going through with it is the ultimate form of devotion.
> Corey’s main Love Languages to give are: Acts of Service and Quality Time.
> Corey wants you to feel like you need him and can’t live without him. So he makes you dependent on him.
> He’ll go out of his way to make inconveniences for you so he could fix them.
> Your car somehow broke down and you have no idea how? Corey’s there to save the day. You swear you had your alarms set that morning but they didn’t go off? Corey can pick you up and drop you off. “Accidentally” got food poisoning so now you’re sick for a few days? Corey is there to take care of you.
> He’s always just conveniently there and so helpful! It’s all because he knows you so well.
> Also any time of the day is time to spend with him. He’s incredibly clingy and feels just off if you aren’t beside him.
> Like everything is dimmer when you aren’t around so he has a tendency to sneak off during his lunch breaks to stop by to see you.
> Late at night, he’ll text to look out your window and there he is: flower in hand and a sweet smile as he invites you on a night out.
> His favorite is anywhere with a nice overhead view of the lit-up city. Maybe a rooftop or something and he just has you in his arms, right where you belong.
> Corey’s favorite Love Languages to receive are: Physical Touch and Quality Time.
> Before you actually got into a relationship, Corey CRAVED your touch. He’d go out of his way to get it. Having his hand linger on yours if he gives you something, insisting for a hug when you vent, etc.
> Now that he has you, there is nothing better than feeling you.
> When you grab his hand if you feel nervous or scared, he’s over the moon. He wants to be your protector and the fact that you know that is perfect to him.
> He likes to be littered in kisses in reward for him doing well. Corey becomes more like Pre-Michael era when it comes to affection. Just an absolute puppydog looking for attention.
> Corey doesn’t like being away from you. It’s kind of like a separation anxiety where he’s worried being away from you means you’re in danger.
> So the best way to make him happy is to surprise him with your presence!
> Casually stopping by his work, claiming your car needs to be fixed when everything is fine just so you can see him.
> Asking for him to hang out randomly for no reason at all other than to be beside him. He’ll immediately swing by and pick you up the moment he opens the door to cuddle with you.
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⤷ divider credits: @cafekitsune
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hendersister · 11 months
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hazy shade of winter
summary: after vecna opens the gates, you and steve decide to stay behind in hawkins to help clean up the mess.
pairing: steve harrington x henderson!sister reader
title 🎵: hazy shade of winter by the bangles
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It’s been about a month since Vecna opened the gates to the Upside Down. A lot has changed since that fateful March night. Hawkins is almost unrecognizable now. 
As the gates opened, Hawkins was rocked with a 7.4 magnitude earthquake. People died, homes were destroyed. It was so bad that the government had to bring in the Army to help deal with the fall out. They believe what happened in Hawkins was a natural disaster of near-unprecedented scale, but you know the truth. There was nothing natural about it… 
Since the gates expanded throughout town, the Upside Down has been slowly seeping into the real world. It’s invading Hawkins. People are fleeing in droves and you don’t blame them. 
You’ve changed a lot too. Before Vecna, you were looking forward to leaving Hawkins and going off to college. Now that feels like a lifetime ago. You aren’t going anywhere anymore. Things are getting bad in Hawkins and you want to be close to your mom and your little brother, Dustin, during this time.
You and the rest of the party lost the battle against Vecna. You feel partially responsible and now you feel like it's your job to clean up the mess Vecna made. Vecna may have won the battle when he opened the gates, but the war has just begun. You are not leaving town until the gates are closed and threats from the Upside Down are gone for good. 
Your boyfriend, Steve, feels the same way. You and Steve had talked about getting out of Hawkins before everything happened. But now he’s just as committed as you to stay behind and help save Hawkins. You’re so grateful to have Steve by your side. He makes you feel safe. 
Even though the world is ending, the show must go on. Your life didn’t completely stop because of Vecna. You’re still moving forward and hitting big milestones, like graduating high school. Today was Graduation Day for Hawkins High. You’re happy and excited that school’s out, but with everything else going on, it didn’t feel like a big deal like it was supposed to. 
The graduation ceremony was weird. A lot of people fled town before the school year ended so you only graduated with about half of your class. But at least you had Steve, Dustin and your mom in the stands cheering you on. There were memorials for Chrissy Cunningham, Jason Carver and Patrick McKinney. Sadly but not surprisingly, Eddie wasn’t even mentioned. He should’ve been walking across that stage with you and the rest of class of ‘86.
After Graduation, you went out for a celebratory meal with Steve, Dustin and your mom. Then you and Steve went off to do your own thing. 
You’re currently lying on the hood of Steve’s car, stargazing. It’s something that you and Steve used to do all the time. You fell in love under the stars. Unfortunately, you can’t really see the stars in Hawkins anymore. You’re mostly just watching spores of particles from the Upside Down falling from the sky. It reminds you of a hazy shade of winter.
“If things get any worse here, I think we should go to the planetarium next time we want to watch the stars,” you chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
“Mhmmm,” Steve mumbles.
You look over to Steve, studying his face. You’re trying to get a read on him. You’ve noticed he’s been acting a bit off since dinner ended. He’s a lot more quiet than usual. Something is up with him.
“Steve, what’s wrong? Talk to me,” you try to get your boyfriend to open up.
Steve sighs. 
“It’s nothing…. It’s just…. My parents are leaving Hawkins and putting the house up for sale,” Steve reluctantly admits.
Your jaw drops.
“What?! That doesn’t sound like nothing!” you exclaim.
“My mom and dad are moving but I’m not going anywhere,” Steve assures you. 
You let out a sigh of relief. Your boyfriend continues venting.
“The worst part is that they won’t let me stay at home even though they will never be able to sell it. My asshole dad is just trying to teach me some stupid lesson…”
“When did you find out about this?” you question Steve.
“Last night,” your boyfriend answers.
“Last night!? Why didn’t you say anything earlier today?” you scrunch your forehead.
“It’s your day, Y/N. I didn’t want to make it about me,” Steve tells you.
Your heart melts a little bit. Steve is so sweet and selfless. Despite all the shit going on in his own life, he always puts you first. You snuggle up closer to your boyfriend, wrapping a protective arm across his chest.
“When are your parents leaving?” you ask with concern.
“They’re trying to leave as soon as possible so I need to find a new place like immediately,” Steve explains, “I don’t think it’s gonna be too hard. With everyone leaving town, I can probably rent a whole house for pretty cheap.”
Some people who fled Hawkins put their homes up for rent because they knew they could never sell it. Most of the renters are people whose homes were destroyed when the gate opened but are too poor to move out of Hawkins and completely start over.
“I don’t like the thought of you being all alone,” you say with a quiet seriousness in your voice. 
Steve takes a deep breath and nods, understanding. He can tell that you’re worried. He’s trying to figure out the right words to say, and then-
“I wouldn’t be alone if you moved in with me…”
You pull away from Steve and sit up. You’re in a bit of shock. You weren’t expecting that.
“Huh?”
“I think we should move in together,” Steve repeats with more confidence
Your eyes widen.
“Are you serious? Like we’d live in a house that we both live in?”
Steve nods.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m sneaking over to your place like every other night anyways. Moving in together will mean less sneaking around,” he tries to convince you.
“But I thought you liked sneaking around. You’re stealthy like a ninja, remember?” you tease.
“Just think about it, Y/N! We’ll get a little place in Hawkins and we’ll figure it out. We can be like real grown ups. It would be our house. No stress, no parents. A place just for us,” your boyfriend says.
Just for us. That sounds perfect.
“Okay, let’s do it,” you smile.
Steve’s face lights up.
“Really?”
“Really,” you nod before pulling your boyfriend into a kiss.
You and Steve are making out on the hood of his car when-
GROWL
You and Steve stop kissing immediately as soon as you hear the growls in the distance. You two exchange knowing looks. You have no idea if it's just an animal or a far more sinister creature from the Upside Down, but neither you or Steve want to stick around and find out.
“I think we should get out of here,” Steve tells you.
“Yeah,” you nod your head in agreement.
Steve jumps off the hood of the car and offers his hand. You take your boyfriend’s hand and he helps you off the hood. Steve opens the car door on the passenger’s side and you quickly get in. Steve closes your door and looks around, making sure that nothing is trying to sneak up on the two of you. Then he goes around to the driver’s side and gets in the car.
As Steve drives away, you can’t help but be a little bummed that your moment of bliss was interrupted by a terrible reminder that you’ve still got a lot of shit to deal with…
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itsphoenix0724 · 4 months
Text
Meet Me On The Ice (Azriel x Reader)~ Chapter 3
Warnings: None!
Word Count: 1.9k
MMOTI masterlist
A/N: It's been a while and I'm sorry but I hope you guys enjoy it <3
Disclaimer: DISCLAIMER: I am not a figure skater or a hockey player, so while I'm trying to be as accurate as possible, it's likely some things may not be correct and/or are bent a little to fit the plot!
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“He’s just so infuriating!” You fall back onto the plush couch in the Vanserra pool house, stuffing a mouthful of popcorn. The underused pool house had been You and Lucien’s sanctuary since you were small, his rowdy brothers not really caring to venture here, much preferring the amenities the woodland mansion had to offer. 
Well except for one. 
Eris Vanserra’s favorite hobby seemed to be annoying you whenever you were over. It seemed like no matter what he found some way to weasel into your business, and now as he settles into the couch between you and Lucien–shoveling a handful of your popcorn into his mouth, it seems he’s wormed his way into your venting session. 
“Trouble in paradise?” He raises an auburn brow and you can practically feel Lucien rolling his eyes. You can’t believe you ever thought he was the most tolerable of Lucien’s brothers. “I’ve seen that broody one you’re trying to replace LuLu with, he doesn’t seem like your type.” It’s probably true, most of the Vanserra brood played for the Autumn University Smokehounds except for Lucien, the Velaris Comet’s biggest rivals on and off the ice. 
“Like you know anything about my type Eris,” You snarl and he does nothing but laugh, even as Lucien looks like he wants to sink back into the couch cushions. 
“Go away Er, find someone else to bother.” Lucien supplies, removing the bowl of popcorn from his brother's lap, passing it back to you, fixing his heated gaze on Eris, and then pointedly looking at the door. Eris gets the hint, seeming amused by the level of aggravation he’s caused for the day and stands to leave. 
“Alright, but I’m hurt you didn’t ask me, Little Minx,” Eris’s heated gaze fixed on you as he reaches down and grabs one last piece of popcorn from your lap, crowding your space with eyes locked together with brutal efficiency. “I think we would’ve danced very well together.” He leaves without another word. 
“It’s like I’m not safe from assholes anywhere,” You scoff, collapsing back into Lucien’s lap. He looks at you apologetically, running a soothing hand through your hair. You relish in the simple affection of the balm that is Lucien’s presence. 
“I’m sorry about him,” He supplies, twisting a lock of hair through your fingers. 
“I know how to handle Eris, it’s the other one I’m more nervous about.” Your eyes slip shut, taking calming breaths.
“What about Az gets you so worked up?” He asks readjusting his casted foot to be propped higher on the pillow. 
“I don’t even know, my whole life he’s just hated me. I get that I was an annoying little kid who always wanted to hang out with them, but we’re adults now and he should fucking get over it.” You can feel the annoyance start to creep back into your body, your temper already rising at the thought of the practice you have to attend later. 
“You’ll survive Dove, don’t let this ruin your last season. At least one of us needs a good one.” You glance up at Lucien who’s glaring at his leg like that could make it magically heal.
“I know I’m sorry. I just wish we could do it together.” You say, and he smiles down at you mournfully, rubbing out the crease between your eyebrows as you try to relax. “I’ll try to keep my head up.” 
₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊₊˚。⋆❆⋆。˚₊
Your head slams down hard against the practice floor as you’re dropped for the third time tonight. 
“Alright!” Alis yells, her forehead wrinkled with irritation as she stops the music. You glare hard at Azriel whose chest is heaving up and down, an equally intense glare fixed on you. “You two clearly haven’t taken my advice, and it’s showing in your work.”  She calls your name and you sit up, rubbing the sore spot from where your head hit the floor. “What did you and Lucien do when you first started skating together?” 
“We used to get pizza and go the arcade once a week.” You supply and you and Az share a mutual look of distaste. “But that was when we were eleven and Azriel and I are very much not eleven.” Alis shakes her head again. 
“Well, I don’t care. If you want any chance of even stepping on ice this season, you’ll bond. If you can’t get this on the practice floor, I’ll be damned before I let either of you on skates.” 
“I don’t have time for that.” Azriel’s voice rumbles through the room, and Alis shoots him an incredulous look.
“Well young man, let me make some time for you now. Practice is dismissed early, and the two of you are going to get pizza and go to the arcade. In fact, I’m giving you homework, you two have to hang out once a week.” Her tone is final despite the mutual protests of you and Azriel. So with the grumbling, you’re reluctantly climbing into the passenger seat of Az’s beat-up jeep as he’s plugging in the directions to the old Funland Arcade. He sets his arm on the back of your headrest as he looks over his shoulder to back out of the parking lot and set out on the road. 
It's most likely the most awkward car ride you’ve ever been on. 
The radio is playing on low with some old rock band Azriel must be fond of and the monotone voice of his phone’s GPS is the only noise in the car. Even the sound of your breath seems to blare throughout the vehicle's cab. Luckily for you, the drive to the old arcade is short. He parks the car and the two of you make your way inside, when you get in line behind him for game tokens he raises his eyebrows at you pinning you with a silent question in his hazel gaze. 
“What? I don’t expect you to pay for me, it’s not like we’re on a date.” You give him a noncommittal nod and he shrugs in response before feeding money into the machine that spits out the tokens. You repeat his actions filling your bucket as you set out upon the battlefield of neon lights and arcade consoles. 
It takes all of about 30 seconds for another argument to ensue. 
It's stupid really. You want to play the old Dance Dance Revolution machine in the back and Azriel wants to play some zombie shooter with grotesque graphics and obnoxiously loud gun noises. 
“Well, then we can just each play our own game and meet up when we’re done.” He huffs and starts to walk over to his choice, but you grab his arm. 
“The entire point of being here is so that we spend time together. Alis said we’re supposed to do things together as a team.” You drop his arm, glaring at him as he scoffs and shoves his hands in his hoodie pocket. 
“She’ll never even find out if we don’t” He tries to walk away again fully turning his back to you but you grab his hood and yank him back again. He lets out a choking sound before whipping around to you absolutely furious. “What the actual fuck was that for?” Azriel questions, yanking his collar back down. 
“Listen to me, Azriel. I get that this isn’t important to you but it’s important to me. This is my only chance to skate, so I don’t care what I have to stoop to.” You pinch the crease between your brows and try to offer an olive branch. “So can we at least compromise okay? I’ll play your shooting game first if you play my game after, and then how about we try to pick a game together.” Az finally relents, nodding his agreement. So the two of you walk over to his game, eloquently titled Undead Massacre III, and pick up the red plastic gun assigned to player two. 
You were officially complete dog shit. 
You had wasted a good chunk of your tokens because you kept dying and Azriel was too far ahead or too focused to revive you, and you could tell that he was annoyed at having to start over. You wanted to quit, not understanding the gun upgrades or reloading mechanism, insisting that you played enough and it was your turn. Az insisted that you had to win at least the easiest round before you could move on. After you died for the fifth time and the game over screen flashes bright and angry as Azriel comes behind you. 
“You can’t reload or switch guns fast enough because you’re holding it wrong.” He rumbles the warmth from his chest seeping into your back as he repositions your hands around the plastic. “And you can’t aim because you’re holding the gun too low and it’s not registering with the sensor,” He pulls your arm up so that the gun is now level with your collarbones. “There, see how that feels?” You shudder as his breath hits your neck, rolling your shoulders to fight off the rising goosebumps from his proximity and pray that he can’t see the heat creeping up your cheeks in the dim light. He inserts the tokens for both of you and starts the game again. You actually manage to beat the easiest level and let out a shout that makes a few mothers shoot you angry glares, turning to Azriel eyes blazing with victory. He smiles, actually smiles at you, and you start toward him before awkwardly pausing. If it was Lucien, Rhys, or hell even Cassian you would’ve thrown your arms around them to celebrate. But it was Azriel, so you settle for an awkward smile and offer your hand up for a high-five. He returns it and reluctantly follows you over to DDR, which he does surprisingly well at. 
You should’ve known apparently he’s good at everything. You shoot him a questioning gaze and he gives a nonchalant shrug, but there’s amusement in his eyes that makes a laugh bubble out of your chest.
The both of you settle on ski ball and a couple other arcade games that leave you both with a massive pile of tickets that you have to spend at the counter. You end up combing your tickets for the free pizza coupon so you settle into the booths and wait for it to be delivered to your table. This time the silence isn’t terribly awkward, you’re surrounded by kids laughing, terribly censored pop radio, and the smell of mediocre arcade pizza. You flick through social media on your phone and answer a couple texts before the waitress brings you a pitcher of lemonade and a large cheese pizza. You take two slices and Azriel piles 4 onto his plate, raising a brow at you as he shoves his face. 
“You don’t have to eat it like it’s about to run away from you.” You giggle out around a sip of your lemonade and Azriel thankfully takes the comment as the joke it is instead of an insult and laughs. 
“I’m a growing boy sweetheart, gotta eat.” He shoves almost half a piece of pizza in his mouth and pats his stomach for effect. The blush is back and Az watches it darken your cheeks with amusement dancing in his eyes. Thoroughly stuffed and satisfied you climb back into Azriel’s car as he drives you back to the rink, looking out the window as stars twinkle in the night sky. 
“I had fun tonight,” you mutter as he drops you off at your car. “I’ll see you tomorrow for practice.” Azriel nods at you from his rolled-down window and waits until you’re in your car and pulling out of the parking lot before he starts his drive home.
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