#I literally cried for twenty minutes last night

[stygianheart]

Rewatched Dressrosa lately. Completely forgot how depressing Law’s story is and how much I love Corazon. Corazon is just so weird in all the best ways possible and I love him. Fuck Doffy for killing him. I want Corazon back.

And it really, really, REALY killed me when Corazon died. Because Law knew he was going to die. And he was screaming and sobbing his heart out, silently thanks to Corazon’s Devil Fruit Powers. And he knew the exact time Corazon took his last breath because his sobs could suddenly be heard and god darn it, that ripped my delicate little heart out.

[roosterforme]

Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 20 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley gets the update he's been waiting for. You get something you weren't expecting. Neither of you can tell the other how you're feeling.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, romantic Bradley, 18+

Length: 3700 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader

Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist

You drove Bradley's Bronco back to his house, dragged yourself back inside, and climbed back in bed. You cried so hard when you watched him carry his duffle bag into the airport, you had painful hiccups for twenty minutes afterwards. Now you were emotionally drained and on the cusp of a headache, and this was only the first day.

With your cheek on Bradley's pillow, you pulled the covers over your head and took a few deep breaths. He didn't know much about his deployment, but the communication blackout was designed to keep you from learning anything. If something happened to him, it might be weeks before you heard about it. Your heart ached as you thought about how lonely he was going to feel after he made it a point to tell you how much he loved getting mail from your class last time.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and you scrambled to get it out.

About to take off. I love you, Gorgeous. I'll let you know when I land.

Well, you had about six hours to kill until you would hear from him again, which felt bad enough. Then seven full weeks after that. You typed back to him with fresh tears in your eyes, and then you tried to sleep, but the hiccups came back. When you moved to the couch, it felt too cold. You were tempted to call Natasha, but if you couldn't even make it a handful of hours without Bradley, you didn't think she would be able to help you.

It would start to get better. It would have to. When your winter break ended, you'd be back in your classroom with your students. You could dive into your lesson plans for the new year. You could focus on teaching. You could do this. Because if you found out the hard way that you couldn't, then you had no business being with Bradley.

--------------------------

Bradley was given a tiny room in the barracks on base in Norfolk, and he spent the entire night talking to you on the phone. Literally six hours straight before he passed out, sound asleep, hanging halfway off the bed with his phone connected to the charger. One of the last things he remembered you saying was, "As soon as you know if it's San Diego or Norfolk, let me know. I love you."

The following morning, he was so exhausted, he was practically dizzy as he met with his commanding officer, Admiral Walker, for this new special deployment. Even his arm felt heavy as he saluted Walker in his office. It was barely seven o'clock which equated to four in the morning in San Diego, and he knew it would take him a few days to get caught back up on sleep at this point. But every second of talking to you was worth it.

"Lieutenant Bradshaw. Welcome back to the Atlantic Fleet," Walker told him, gesturing to the empty chair in the office. 

"Thank you, Sir," he replied, even though he was far less than thrilled to be back in Virginia at all. The prospect of a change of station could not have come at a worse time when he spent the flight from California looking at engagement rings on his phone.

As Bradley sat down, the older man said, "We never wanted to lose you to the Pacific in the first place, so I'm sure you can understand why you'll be staying on the east coast after your seven weeks on the Gerald R. Ford is complete."

His heart sank to his feet, and he felt like he was going to throw up. "Sir?" Bradley asked. "That's it? There's no chance of me returning to North Island?"

When the response he got was a raised eyebrow, Bradley pressed his lips into a line. This man wasn't going to give a shit that he owned a house in Coronado or that he was in love with the most beautiful woman in the world who happened to work in Mira Mesa. Something told him that keeping his mouth shut was the better option right now, even though he felt like punching a hole in the wall and flipping the desk.

Walker shuffled some papers on his desk. "Plans still need to be finalized, but it is our goal, and the goal of the US Navy, to change your station to Norfolk."

The words echoed in Bradley's mind. He couldn't decide if he should tell you about this yet. It wasn't like he had signed paperwork in his hand. Until he did, as far as he was concerned, he was going back to Top Gun and the love of his life. He knew you were stressed and concerned enough as it was, and he didn't want you to have to dwell on this unless it was finalized. 

"Once aboard the carrier, mission details will become available to you and the other aviators," Walker informed him. "I have a folder with your bunk assignment and some more information that you can take with you right now. You'll have access to your phone for about another hour, but as soon as you report to the carrier, it will need to be shut down and locked up. Are we clear, Lieutenant?"

Before Bradley could even respond, there was a sharp knock at the door. Walker heaved a weary sigh as his gaze left Bradley's face, and he barked, "Come in."

Of all the faces he knew from North Island, Bradley wasn't exactly sure if it was a friendly one, but when the door opened, Admiral Simpson came strolling inside in his service khakis. He couldn't fathom why his meeting was being interrupted by Cyclone, but he sat quietly with the folder in his hands. 

"Admiral Walker," Beau Cyclone greeted, voice as stern as ever. "You never returned my calls, and red eye flights the week of Christmas are not something I find endearing."

Walker stood behind his desk with all of his accolades hanging on the wall behind him, and Bradley jumped to his feet as well. "Admiral Simpson," Walker replied, voice dripping with disdain. "There was no need for you to fly out in person to release your pilot to my fleet."

Bradley could hear Cyclone's knuckles crack as he watched his eye twitch. He was somehow caught in the middle of this, but it looked like the Top Gun admiral was in no mood to be outmaneuvered and lose a member of his team. Bradley silently goaded him on while he stood there completely still.

"I'm not releasing anyone to you. That's not how this works," Cyclone barked. "If you can't manage your fleet, you don't get to poach from mine."

The admirals seemed to be in a competition to see whose face could get redder. "Admiral Simpson, I'm sure you'll find my rank alone is reason enough for-"

"You do not outrank me," Cyclone interrupted, voice loud but calm. Then he turned toward Bradley with his jaw clenched and said, "Lieutenant Bradshaw. You are dismissed. Please board the USS Gerald R. Ford on time for your deployment."

"Yes, Sir," he replied, saluting both men before walking back out into the hallway on slightly unsteady legs. He paused, hoping to hear some more of their conversation or an outright blow up that would give him a clue as to what the fuck was going on, but instead he walked the rest of the way to the barracks to collect his duffle and head to the docks. 

With his phone in his hand once again and his bag slung over his shoulder, Bradley called you. He knew it was early and he'd be waking you up, but time was tight now. And your voice was the only thing that would keep him sane at the moment. 

"Bradley," you sighed a second later, and he pressed his phone tighter to his ear. 

"Baby, I miss you so much," he promised, heart aching. He swallowed hard and decided not to bring up anything that was going on since he didn't have a completely clear understanding of it himself. "I'm about to board the carrier."

He could hear you crying, and he wanted to kick himself. "Just come back safely. That's all I want. As long as you're safe, that's all that matters to me, okay?"

He was having a hard time keeping his own tears at bay. "Me, too. We'll figure out the rest of it later, Gorgeous. Take care of yourself. Write in the journal. And don't forget to check the mail."

"I love you, Bradley!"

"I love you so much."

As soon as he ended the call and turned off his phone, he had to walk through a small building for security screening. It was there that his bag and phone were taken from him. When he exited the other side, his duffle was handed back to him, but his phone was not.

"Sorry, Lieutenant," the petty officer told him with a shrug when he glared. "I'll tag it for you and return it when you get back to Norfolk. At least it's not a long deployment."

Bradley couldn't even argue with that. It wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things. He'd been overseas for a full twelve months at a time when he was younger. This should have felt like nothing, but he knew it would feel like the worst one. He hefted his bag higher on his shoulder and started to head for the bunk that would be his for the duration. There was no sense in standing on deck when there was nobody who would be looking for him to see him off.

He made it down two hallways before a loud voice echoed off the walls around him. "Lieutenant Bradshaw." When he turned, Admiral Simpson was heading his way, face so red it was almost purple. Bradley's heart sank.

"Yes, sir?"

The other man pulled his composure together, sighing like an angry bull. "While you will be under the command of Admiral Walker for this deployment, you will fly directly back to San Diego when you return to port in Norfolk. You'll be presented with the paperwork today."

Bradley's jaw dropped open. "I'm returning to the Pacific Fleet, Sir?"

He got one firm nod in response. "I told you last week that I would do what I could to retain you."

This was honestly the best case scenario, and Bradley could feel some of his tension melt away. "You weren't kidding," he mumbled before clearing his throat. "Thank you, Sir. Being in San Diego is important to me."

"Fly safely, Lieutenant. See you in seven weeks," Cyclone barked before turning on his heel and walking toward the ramp back down to the dock.

Bradley pumped his fist in the air. "Fuck, yeah," he whispered, spinning on the spot. He would get to go back to the station he preferred in North Island as well as his friends, but most importantly, he would get to return to you. There would be no stress of packing and moving and hoping you were still willing to come with him. He could stay in Coronado.

When he slid his hand into his pocket to get his phone out to call you back, he froze. "God damn it."

------------------------------

If waiting for emails and letters was bad before, this was torture. The early days of getting to know Bradley through written notes left you with constant butterflies in your tummy, but now it felt like you were walking around with a lead weight instead. You constantly caught yourself reaching for your phone to text him before setting it back down in frustration. 

You hadn't heard from him since before he stepped onto the aircraft carrier, and that was four days ago. Today was New Year's Eve, and at least you had the wine bar with Natasha to look forward to. While you got dressed and ready to go, you couldn't help but put in just the bare minimum amount of effort. What was the point when your boyfriend wasn't even here to give you kisses along your neck and call you Gorgeous? You pouted at your reflection in the bathroom mirror and put the cap on your lip gloss before even using it.

"You look nice," Nat said as you climbed in the front seat of her car. You turned to look at her with one eyebrow raised.

"I'm wearing Bradley's old sweatshirt with a pair of leggings that are starting to get a hole in the crotch."

She started cackling as she pulled away from the curb. "Well, you still look nice."

"Thanks," you said softly, watching the houses go by. 

As Nat turned toward the highway to head up to Oceanside, she asked, "How are you making out?"

You pressed your lips together for a few seconds, trying to make sure you weren't going to cry. "I'm just having a hard time being off from work while he's gone. It's... harder than I thought it would be. I can't wait to return to my classroom in a few days."

"I'm sure that will make it easier," she agreed. "You'll be so busy, time will start to fly by. Oh, I forgot to ask if you got any interesting mail at Bradley's house since he left?"

You shook your head. "I barely remember to check the mailbox most days. Why?"

"Don't worry about it," she replied smoothly. "You'll be back to work in a few days, but in the meantime, we've got merlot and chardonnay to keep your mind occupied."

"Sounds like you're talking about two hot French men," you said with a laugh.

"I could be! You don't even know!"

Now both of you were laughing. And you were still laughing when you actually did order a glass of merlot and a glass of chardonnay. You and Nat enjoyed some wine flights and cheese platters, and she regaled you with stories about Bradley from flight school.

"When he was twenty-two, he probably weighed a hundred and twenty pounds," she said with a smirk. "He was such a nerd, too. God, it was so bad." You were trying to stifle your laughter as she added, "Once he really started working out and grew the mustache, he thought he was hot shit. He's still a fucking nerd."

"He kind of is," you agreed through your giggles.

"But he's a good one," she promised. "Wears his heart on his sleeve too often, but I don't think he has to worry about you breaking it."

You ran your hand along the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "Never."

Once the two of you were filled with cheese and sober enough to get back in the car, you paid for your adventure with the gift card Bradley gave you, only to find out it had five hundred dollars on it.

"Natasha! We need to come back like four more times," you said as you signed the slip.

"I don't see any issue with that," she muttered, leaving cash for a tip. "I think I'll write Bradley an email and thank him for funding girls' day so he can read it when he gets back to Norfolk."

"I think he'd like that."

You started thinking about the journal sitting on the nightstand in his bedroom. Every night before you fell asleep, you'd been pouring your heart and thoughts out into the thing, but even the mention of the word Norfolk had you fretting again. You managed to keep up the conversation with Bradley's best friend as she drove you back to Coronado, but perhaps you should keep most of your things packed after you moved your stuff to his house. What if you had to move to Virginia when the school year ended?

"Thanks for driving," you told her when she pulled up to Bradley's driveway to let you out.

"Anytime," she said, waving you off. "We'll go back up again soon." When you leaned in to give her a hug, she told you, "Don't forget to check the mail."

"Okay."

You weren't sure exactly what her deal was since Bradley couldn't send you anything, but if she wanted you to, then you would. You already promised your boyfriend you'd keep an eye on anything unusual that arrived, so as you walked up to the front door, you took a peek inside the mailbox. Empty. Just like the house. You curled up on the couch with the journal and started to write your daily entry.

I heard from a very reliable source (Natasha) that you were and still are a nerd. I'm going to need to see some pre-stache photos of you when you get home. Your best friend is a wealth of information when you get some wine in her, and I had a great time with her today. 

But I miss you. So much. Sometimes it knocks the breath out of my lungs. Your house is too cold and quiet without you here, hogging the couch and eating snacks. I'm looking forward to school starting up in a few days. It'll be a little less lonely when I have eighteen kids telling me what they got for holiday gifts. Of course I'll have to tell them they won't get a visit from their favorite aviator for a while. We'll just be nineteen sad pen pals.

---------------------------

On January second, you were working on your lesson plans while wearing Bradley's gym shorts and eating potato chips. Tomorrow you'd get back into a routine with work, but first you were going to allow yourself one last day of being kind of pitiful. You bit off more than you could chew with Bradley, and now you were paying the price. 

You sporadically started crying at random times throughout the day, and it was only made worse by the overwhelming feeling of being alone. If you could barely make it a week without hearing from him, how were you going to make random deployments with no communication your lifestyle? Why did you even think you could?

While you were crunching your way through some potato chips, you heard something thump on the front porch. The sound made you jump on the couch, and you set your snack down on the table and crept to the front door. When you peeked outside, there was nobody there, but when you cracked the door open, you saw a box. A fairly large box. Addressed to you.

"Oh my god," you gasped. It was from Bradley. According to the date stamped next to your name, he somehow sent a box from the post office in San Diego last week. "Oh my god!"

You grabbed it and kicked the door shut, almost tripping on your way back to the coffee table. When you tried to claw at the tape, you almost broke your nails. "Scissors," you shouted, running for the kitchen drawer by the sink where your boyfriend kept a random assortment of junk. Then you walked quickly back to the couch and started to cut into the box.

Natasha had to be behind the arrival of the box, but you couldn't fathom what could possibly be inside. If Bradley wanted you to have something, he could have simply given it to you before he left. Your heart was pounding as you set the scissors down and looked inside.

"Bradley," you gasped, tears filling your eyes as those familiar butterflies zoomed and swooped around in your belly. You'd been so upset about missing out on his letters, he sent you a whole box of them. There were dozens of envelopes and little treats filling the box nearly to the top, but a neon orange envelope with OPEN ME FIRST written on it caught your eye. You pulled it out of the box and tore into it.

Hey, Gorgeous,

I'm thinking about you right now. Guaranteed. It doesn't matter when you get this box or when you read this note, I'm thinking about how much I love you. And if I'm asleep, I'm dreaming about us eating Thai food on the beach in front of a sunset that is nowhere near as beautiful as you.

I hope you realize there was no way you weren't going to get some letters from me while I'm deployed. I would never let that happen. Somehow, you fell in love with me this way in the first place, and more than anything, I want you to feel as loved as I do. So I filled this box with little notes and long, rambling love letters and things I thought you might like. When you read the individual envelopes, you'll know what to do.

Please fill that journal up for me. I can't wait to read it in seven weeks. I'm missing you like crazy, and I selfishly hope you're missing me just as much. I love you.

Yours Truly,

Bradley

With shaking hands, you set the note down on the orange envelope and swiped at your tears. You never dreamed you would meet a man this romantic, but somehow you did, and he became your boyfriend. "Oh, Bradley," you whispered, picking up a stack of envelopes and reading what was written on each one.

Open me when you've had a bad day

Open me when you really want some coffee

Open me when you need a laugh

Open me when you're in bed

Open me when you need a girls' night

Open me with your class

You flopped down onto the couch and kicked your feet in the air. "Bradley!" you shrieked, voice breaking as you started to cry. You hugged the letters to your chest and let the warm feeling of being loved wash over you and fill your heart. He was unbelievable. He was perfect. He was everything you wanted. And somehow you loved him a little more and missed him a little less with this box on the coffee table.

------------------------------

He's so romantic. He's taking care of Gorgeous from afar! He's coming home to San Diego, but she doesn't even know it! Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls and @daggerspare-standingby

PART 21

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[ssahotchnerr]

Hey love, could you pretty please do an Aaron x reader where it’s there wedding day and she starts getting real bad anxiety about marrying him. Not because she doesn’t want to but because she feels like he is surrounded by so many amazing people who uplift him that she could never compare. Just in the mood for fluffy comfort Aaron 🥹

enough

cw; fem!reader, a LOT of angst but it's comforting??, heavy 5x9 references (i'm sobbing actually), anxiety descriptions, aaron cries 😭, comfort and a happy ending don't worry!!!! wc; 2.4k

"nervous jitters?"

"you could say that." you replied - while staring off into space, while bouncing your crossed leg, while kicking your slipper on and off your heel. your head moved downward as your fingers clutched onto the seat of the chair you were sat in, harshly enough for your knuckles to turn white.

jj pulled the curling wand away from your face an inch, "careful, try not to move."

"sorry."

yet another wave of guilt rippled through you, as this wasn't how you should feel on your wedding day.

last night, you were surrounded by the people you now consider family, celebrating a new chapter. or rather, a beginning. aaron's permanent grin was engraved in your mind; you've never seen him so carefree, happily conversing with his colleagues, gazing at you as if he'd won the lottery (to him, he had). you were positive there wasn't a second where his arms hadn't been wrapped around you.

before parting ways for the night, he had pulled you to the side, to a more secluded area. he gave you long, sweet, deep kisses, holding your body close to his, as you weren't going to see each other until the two of you officially, and finally, became one.

just as him, you had been on a similar high, more than ready for this next adventure, in pure disbelief that in less than twenty-four hours, you'd be a hotchner. so now, whatever this was, had quite literally come out of absolutely nowhere.

when you awoke this morning, rather than the excitement you had expected, you were greeted with an empty, terrifying pit in your stomach.

as the day carried on, pre-wedding activities in full motion, it followed, and the void within only grew and grew. it was gravely unsettling; you were more fidgety, on edge, you hadn't been your usual talkative self. and despite being surrounded by your newfound family - jj, penelope, and emily more specifically - you couldn't help but choose to remain alone in your thoughts.

jj studied your face through the mirror, before securing your hairpiece in place. "there." her hands found your shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "sit tight, i'll be right back."

you nodded, blinking your eyes to prevent the budding tears from slipping - and to not ruin penelope's handiwork, mascara sure to stain your cheeks. she left, leaving you alone.

but as promised jj returned no more than five minutes later, only she remained at the doorway, her head peeking in. "someone's here to see you."

after giving you a consoling smile, as if she knew - profilers - she vanished, leaving door slightly ajar.

your hand had only just touched the knob when the door moved a centimeter back, slight pressure holding it still to refrain from opening fully.

"don't open it all the way."

"aaron?" at the sound of his voice, you fought the instant urge to sob. but the utmost amount of comfort filled you too. it took a second, but you found your voice, "you're not supposed to be here."

"well technically, i just can't see you."

"still." you insisted. your tone was flat, rather than being full of giddiness due to your future husband sneakily paying you a forbidden visit - like it should've. "they're going to be looking for you."

"then let them." aaron answered simply, not concerned about that in the slightest. "are you alright?"

you immediately fell silent, and aaron patiently waited a minute, but still - nothing. the extended period of quietness, scared him, given the day's event.

please, not cold feet.

and given the current circumstances, there was only so much he could do. aaron dropped his hand to his side, weaving through the small gap. "here, give me your hand."

your hand quickly found his, the promptness allowing aaron to breathe. the familiar weight felt like home; your hand always fitting perfectly within his. your hands always cold, his warm. yours soft, his rough.

his thumb drew circles on the back of your hand, an invitation to open up. "what's on your mind?"

you bit your lip in thought, taking a heavy enough breath aaron could hear it without straining his ears.

"honey?"

"first, i want to preface this that i do want to marry you. i don't want you thinking otherwise." your voice was firm, meaning every word.

"okay..." here was a brief hesitancy in his voice despite your promise; a tinge of worry, some question. however, he managed to keep his voice steady, for the most part. you, however, still recognized the waver of uncertainty.

"just," you released a breath, your voice small. "i envy you."

aaron was quiet for a moment, and when he did speak, the confusion was obvious in his voice. "you envy me?"

"you have," you took a breath, gripping onto his hand. "so many wonderful amazing people around you... i don't even know where to start. they've been with you, stuck with you, for far longer than i have. how do i compare to that? god, dave's practically paying for this whole thing. because of you, for you. no matter who you would've married, he would've done exactly the same. i'm not special."

"sweethear-"

"i want to be enough for you." tears pinched at your eyes, your hold on his hand lessening - which frighteningly felt like you were letting go completely. "you deserve," you took another breath, and this one rattled through you. "everything. and i'm afraid i never will be."

aaron only clutched onto your hand tighter, refusing to part. his eyes squeezed shut for a moment, taking a silent, deep breath. "are you wearing your dress yet?"

after all that, you weren't too sure of how he would respond, but you certainly hadn't expected that. "no? once-"

aaron released your hand. and after looking in both directions of the hall to be certain he was in the clear, he swiftly entered, the door clicking shut behind him.

"aaron." you stared at him, your eyes wide in alarm. you barely had the time to process him in his tuxedo, or have the thought to push him out. "you can't be-"

"enough?" aaron looked at you, baffled. exasperation, pain, and love all present in his eyes. "how can you say that?"

"i-"

"you... are everything. my everything." he moved to your left, pacing away for a moment, quickly internalizing a way to get it across solidly, so you wouldn't dare question otherwise again. he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "did i ever tell you, what haley told me before she died?"

you blinked in surprise, but shook your head. while you knew the story, offered reassurances after nightmares and the topic of haley had never been off limits, aaron had never gone into detail over... the final moments. you never pushed, never asked - if it was something he chose to keep to himself, to have that part of haley close to him and only him - of course you respected that. they were vulnerable, painful memories, not easy to relive.

he sobered, his posture and expression changing before you, alight with a ghost of the past. a tender, solemn fondness was in his tone as he recalled the line. "'love is the most important thing.'"

your eyes studied his face, silently urging him to continue.

"and while our relationship had it's hardships, she wanted jack to believe in it - love - and had me promise her that i'd show him."

"aaron..."

"he believes, because of you."

"i-"

"i believe," his eyes found yours, full of a sincereness you've never seen from him. "because of you."

you opened your mouth to speak again, but no words came out.

"haley was right." he chuckled softly, with a small shake of his head, "honestly, and while i understand why now, for a long time i was furious she made me promise that. because i wouldn't be able to keep my word. before that... day, i'd already given up. lost hope that i could find it again, that it was even possible, or whether i deserved it. haley and i were together for a long time, you know that. being with her was all i knew, what i was used to, and part of me thought maybe someday, we'd manage to work things out. and suddenly, she was gone. it was too late - i was too late. i failed her, and i'd continue to fail her."

"and then you came into my life, and turned my world around completely. never did i think i would love again, let alone get on one knee and ask someone to marry me. but here we are. here you are."

aaron took your face into his hands, as delicately as he possibly could - as if he feared he would break you.

"because of you, i kept my promise to haley. jack knows, he sees the love i have for you every day. and although he 'ew's' at the sight of us kissing here and there, he'll grow up understanding. he'll know the importance, as promised."

"and you saved me. you saved from a looming downward spiral. i saw it happen to gideon, it's happened to countless others within the bureau, and i could've been the next. i told someone once; it's consuming, this job will eat you up if you let it. but instead of letting it, instead of ruining my relationship with jack, you managed to pull me from that impending darkness i was headed toward."

tears were continuously trickling down your cheeks, utterly speechless.

"you're enough. god you're more than enough. and if that doesn't... i'll prove it to you everyday if i have to. if you'll let me." a broken exhale left his lips, choked up. "i promise."

still unable to find the words, and actions speaking louder, your fingers grabbed onto his tux, pulling his body to yours and wrapping your arms around his middle, burying your face into his chest. in the back of your mind, you made a mental apology to penelope, and hoped you weren't soiling aaron's dress shirt too badly.

aaron's shoulders dropped at the contact, in relief. he pressed his lips to the top of your head, his arms wrapping around your shoulders and holding you close. next, he's the one who took a shaky breath.

"so, i'm the one who should be afraid."

"what?" your voice cracked, peering up at him, your chin on his torso.

"baggage." aaron sighed, tearing his eyes away from yours, his hands running along your back soothingly - or rather, to soothe himself. "i'm the widowed father. i'm the one who's never around. i'm the one who's scarred, in more ways than one. i don't want to limit you, to keep you from a life you've always imagined for yourself. like i did with haley."

"don't say that."

"every day, i wonder why i'm the one you chose to be with. wonder why you love me. i think that it's too good to be true, that i'll wake up. or someday, you will."

"aaron."

he sighed, tears sliding down his cheek.

"you are not scarred, aaron hotchner." you cupped his face and angled him so he was looking at you, wiping the droplets away with the pads of your thumb. "far from it. the life i imagine, is with you. this is it." you found it in you to let out a small laugh, refreshing after the morning you've had. "that's why i was so worried."

he also couldn't help but laugh gently through his tears. "you shouldn't be."

your hand slid to the back of his neck, winding your fingers through the nape of his hair. "you've, very unfairly, dealt with the unfathomable. the unimaginable. but that doesn't make you broken. i find it admirable actually, and it's one of the things i love about you. you're strong aaron. to go through something like that, and come out on the other side of it, both the tragedy and the recovery part of it. a lot of people wouldn't be able to do the same."

aaron looked at you, listening, his head tilting as he leaned into your touch.

"despite what you think, you're a good father. i adore you with jack. and with the horrors you see, every day, you still come home with a calm face. you never fail to give us your all - your sweet loving self. you're always present, even if you're physically aren't here. because you're out there making this world a safer place for so many others. for jack, for me. you really don't give yourself enough credit."

aaron remained silent, his gaze beginning to tear away from yours. but you stopped him, with a finger under his chin to direct his focus back to you.

"you may have scars, but they aren't you. they may contribute, but they aren't you."

"are you sure?" his voice fell to a whisper, eyes desperately searching yours, his own dampened.

you nodded earnestly, your bottom lip quivering a small amount. "i've never been more sure of anything. i promise."

and with that, aaron's lips found yours, kissing you even more deeply than he had the previous night. from the urgency that soon developed, it was clear just how needed this conversation was, on both ends. providing closure, clarity. the kiss sent a buzz right through you, instantaneously making up for the all the lost time you had spent brooding.

you forced yourself to pull away - only when air was needed, and to simply stop. you would've gladly kissed him longer, and aaron likewise, but the two of you were on a schedule.

his forehead fell against yours, a rather boyish, adorable smile on his face. "so, are we good?"

you nodded, your lips pulling into a smile as well, the giddiness you've been missing finally present. you reached up, gently blotting away any lingering tears of his. "we've always been."

"wedding still on?"

you rolled your eyes, gently smacking his chest and making him laugh. "duh."

"okay." he grinned, pecking your lips gently. "i better go. if someone catches me in here-"

"-you'll be in trouble."

"big trouble." he grinned, pulling your hands forward to bring you in for yet another kiss. "i love you. you never saw me."

you chased his lips - just one more. "never did."

aaron laughed, his brown eyes just sparkling. "i'll see you soon. you know where to find me, i'll be waiting."

[politemenacephd]

Arachnophilia (Part Twenty)

Drider!Miguel O'Hara x Reader (+18)

Chapter Masterlist 🕷️

TW: Description of blood and injury (not in a sexual context)

Content: Both Miguels are rutting (literally), Readers in heat, Dry Humping, Involuntary Orgasm, Rough PinV sex, Breeding kink, Biting, Voyeurism.

Notes: Alright you horndogs here's the most isosceles triangle you're gonna get outta me

Word count: 3,800

Miguel fell through the portal right as Mig dove in at his back. In the chaos he failed to calculate his exit and hit the floor hard, with the impact sending him flying into your limp body and skidding to a halt by his desk.

Mig hit the floor and rolled until his body slammed into the far wall, temporarily rendering him too stunned to move.

For a minute or so all you could do was breath. The office was filled with the echoes of panting, of whining, of sad, desperate little moans. It was unbearably tense. The urge to descend into primal chaos was dangling on a tether of momentary exhaustion, but that rope could snap at any moment.

A little will, a little tip of desire, and it would break.

You were the first to move. You managed to haul yourself up onto your elbows, and there you were met with the sight of Miguel doubled over in pain.

You were disgusted by your body’s instinctive curiosity. You hated the way your eyes fixated on those familiar traits; the dark hair, that sharp face, those sloped shoulders. You could see him erection straining painfully beneath the suit.

You looked away. You refused to give in, not while your right mind still knew, deep down, that something about this whole scenario was horribly wrong. You swallowed hard, and with those trembling wet little lips, you spoke.

‘How did you know?’ you croaked.

Miguel groaned at just the sound of your voice. ‘Uhn…. Ah—’

‘How… how did you, know—’

‘I was watching’ Miguel blurted in confession. He was bent like a man in prayer. ‘I- I knew, it would go wrong, or—I was waiting for it to go wrong, but not—not this wrong, I swear, I—f-fuck it hurts— por favor, haz que pare—’

‘Why… why, why?’ you pleaded. ‘What the, fuck—Why?!’

‘I’m sorry!’ Miguel blurted. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t—’

He turned as he spoke and caught your eye, noting the way you were trembling on the floor. His pink eyes glowered. For just a moment, his breath came a little faster. All he could see was that night, the night he watched you strapped down to the floor as you were mercilessly fucked by a monster that looked like him.

That tight web, squeezing fat into perfect little mounds, those noises, that release.

It was torturous. His mind kept merging his memory and fantasy, using it to spur him onward. It wanted to see you on the end of his shaft.

In a desperate bid to rid those thoughts he bit his hand, sinking his teeth beneath the skin. You startled at the pained groan he released.

‘Wh… what are you—ah—!’ You doubled over again as your insides throbbed and clenched.

When Miguel released his hand, he looked defeated. The moment the pain was gone his mind went back; back to you, back to that memory, back to his own unsatisfied body.

‘I…. I didn’t, I didn’t… I didn’t, want…’ That potent aphrodisiac in his brain continued to swell, filling his mind and body was a physically painful urge. He involuntarily hissed. ‘I can’t, stop…’

He could feel his mind was slipping. He saw you physically dragging yourself away from him, crawling on your belly. The denial was too much for him to handle.

‘Get away’ you whimpered.

‘I- I won’t, hurt you’ he said. His whole body throbbed and he nearly doubled over. ‘I swear, I just- it hurts, but I won’t, I won’t—I don’t, want to hurt you— I don’t want HIM to hurt you—’

‘Why should I believe that?’ you cried back. Miguel was silent for a moment.

‘I don’t want to hurt anyone’ he whispered, the last few words he could speak on the verge of disappearing. ‘I don’t. I swear. But I do. I keep… hurting people. And I don’t know—why—he wouldn’t, do, the same—’

‘Enough.’

A dangerously low hiss was reverberating through the empty office. You watched as Miguel slowly dragged his eyes away from your body, and over to the cause of the noise.

Mig was crouched against the floor, his legs spread and his claws out. His eyes were glowering a dangerous pink from the pollen.

‘You… You set us up?’ Mig hissed. Miguel didn’t respond.

The pollen was infecting them down to the bone, drawing out the ugliest and most primal parts of their biology. Their spider brains would not be satisfied with just sexual relief. They were filled with the desire to fight.

‘You’re me’ Miguel spat. His hackles raised as he shifted towards his counterpart. ‘And I’m not… good.’

‘Oh, you were right.’ Mig slowly rose up and tapped his paws, an obvious territorial display. You could hear his claws tapping on the hard metal, his body shaking with a disdain you'd never seen in him before.

It seems your quiet, comforting support was no longer enough to keep his anger suppressed. 

‘I’m not good. Not all the way, not anymore. Because of you. Because you, have taught me, how to hate something.’

Mig continued to slowly creep towards you as well. You were right between the two of them, your body ethereally lit by the one beam of pale blue light shining down from above.

‘All I wanted, all I did, was try to exist, and you have made my life hell for it. And still, still, I tried to be nice to you. I tried to talk to you, and all you did, was PUSH me, and then act like I was the monster for reacting. I am, done. I do not care, anymore, about your internal problems, your—suppressed, inadequacy. I do not care, even, that you eyed up my mate because of your own lack of moral standards. I can look past that. But you, put them, in DANGER! You—’

In the middle of Mig’s speech, in the middle of you crawling, you were brought to an abrupt halt. Something had gripped you by the ankle. When you turned, you were horrified to see Miguel’s hand wrapped around it. His face was contorted with pain.

‘You…. Put them in danger too’ he panted, hard, his breath condensing in the air. ‘Neither of us, deserves this. Deserves them. Deserves—to be here— I see that now—’

 Mig visibly growled with rage, his maw widening as his eyes turned black and pink. His next words were spoken in a horrifyingly gravelly tone.

‘I am not, you. I am NOT, YOU! And that, is the end of my fucking line, cabrón. They are mine, they chose me, and YOU, are the one not fit to be here!’ Mig seethed.

You squeaked as Mig’s clawed hand came down on your back. He tugged at your suit, dragging you beneath the rustling cage of his spider legs, but Miguel didn’t entirely lose grip on your ankle. You moaned outload as his claws sank down, squishing your flesh between his fingers.

‘Well then you better stop me’ Miguel spat back.

It was a double-edged statement, one carrying multiple meanings. It was a threat, yes, but a pathetic plea as well. Miguel knew that he would lose control of himself, and before that happened part of him wanted to be stopped.

He wanted it to be over. He just couldn’t admit that out loud.

Mig drew back his lips and spat venom to the floor. They both dropped their hold on you. ‘Oh, I will’ he seethed.

You shrunk down a little as the two began to circle, pacing like sparring cats on the brink of a fight. You could hear the low clicking in Mig’s throat, the rhythmic tapping of his paws. He began to rustle his abdomen.

‘You…. Clearly… didn’t get the point, the first time, that I made it’ Mig panted.

Miguel lowered himself down to match Mig’s stance. He was on all fours, his claws extended and tensed. Mig bared his teeth.

‘So I will make it… again… for the last time.’

The two launched at each other right over your shaking head.

There was an immediate clash of teeth and claws, one that was horrifying to hear. The smashing of fangs, the cracks, the clacking, the scraping of talons, it was overwhelmingly loud.

It was obvious that they were not fairly matched. Despite claiming that they were the same, Miguel was weak compared to his giant doppelganger. He was no match for his size, his raw power, his muscled arms bursting with veins.

Miguel tried to make up for his smaller stature by clawing at the vulnerable parts of Mig’s belly, but the thick fur was impossible to penetrate with just one swipe. For every one hit Miguel gained Mig would get one of his wrists with the claws on his forelegs, temporarily forcing him back.

Chunks of thick blue fluff covered the floor as Miguel tried to rip deeper, and in turn his blood began to splatter against the tiles.

You winced as Mig threw Miguel into his desk, physically smashing his monitors to pieces until they sparked and exploded. You watched Miguel swipe at him with his elbow blades only to have Mig grab them in his jaw and fling Miguel into a distant wall.

With Miguel out of the way Mig paused to breath, his chest heaving with each pant. The respite allowed the red mist to part, yes, but it also allowed the pink mist to take its place, and as his eyes re-focused they zoned in on you.

He felt the pollen intoxicating his blood, overtaking his mind. Soft little aranita. Handsomely made, perfectly sculpted, his flesh and blood love. His mate. His prime breeding material.

Like a panicked animal he ran to your side.

‘M-Mig—’

You reached out and were pinned to the floor in seconds. His lips crashed into yours with such force that they bruised, ravenously smearing you in venom and saliva as his tongue went down your throat. You welcomed the release with all the passion your body could muster.

‘Uhn—mm— Need to—breed you, now—’

You clawed at each other, just as he’d clawed at Miguel. His forelegs grabbed your waist and your nails went into his back. You dragged them until he was raw.

Unable to contain himself any longer Mig allowed his erect phallus to slip out, and with your hands and his working in messy unison you tried to tear your suit apart.

Anything to make the ache stop. Anything for relief.

‘Please’ you whined, ‘please- please, mm—’

But Miguel wasn’t done.

In the middle of you desperately grinding at each other, Miguel launched himself at Mig’s side. The fight was the only relief he could get.

As they collided they began to snap at each other, butting heads and tearing skin, but they couldn’t be parted from you either. Their bodies demanded too much.

You were nearly crushed between the two as Mig continued furiously, impulsively grinding his enormous shaft down against your inner thighs while trying to keep Miguel at bay, who himself was trying desperately to get any stimulation.

‘Please—’ Miguel rasped, his eyes burning pink, ‘give—me—’

They rolled and suddenly met with your body sandwiched between them, their heads pressed together around your neck, and there they continued their furious fight.

Your senses were bombarded. You smelled the sweat, the metallic hit of blood, the stench of musk and pheromones and damp fur. Their teeth clashed barely a cm away from your cheek, as clawed hands brushed your body before gripping at the other.

The weight was suffocation, almost claustrophobic. You felt flesh crushing you from your chest to your thighs, compounding you until it was hard to breath.

You should have been afraid. Instead, you were soaking. Despite your fear, your confusion, you were unbearably horny. Your torn suit was embarrassingly dripping with slick, and in the haze you were barely coherent.

‘Mig—ah—’

Between the crushing weight of both men, with Mig’s bulbous member frantically grinding on your painfully swollen clit and Miguel at your rear, your body reacted against your will and shuddered into the most potent climax.

Your screams drew the two to a temporary pause.

It was a fatal mistake for Miguel, to freeze and indulge in those sweet sounds, in the feel of you shaking against him, as it gave Mig the chance to push him back.

The larger spider got a handful of his hair and threw him back across the slippery floor before pinning you down.

‘MINE!’ Mig seethed.

Miguel caught himself with his claws and panted. He couldn’t win, but he also couldn’t stop. Waves of shame and relief washed over his body.

With a violent scream he dug his claws into the ground and furiously ran on all fours at his enormous opponent.

He tried to slide beneath Mig’s body, hoping to claw his soft belly, but he underestimated how fast Mig was.

As his body slid across the smooth floor he was punched in the gut by one of Mig’s legs. He wheezed, his body thrown off by the impact, and as he rolled into Mig’s other legs the giant spider wrapped them tight around his body. He rolled himself with Mig gripped to his belly, and easily pinned him down to the floor with such force that it cracked.

The force knocked the air from the bruised man’s lungs. For a moment, he faltered.

There was blood and spit all over the floor, coating the darkness like an abstract painting, a cascade of glittering rubies and pearls. In the corner you were shaking.

‘Mig’ you panted. Miguel slowly raised his shaking hands, and while he managed to dig his claws into Mig’s arms, he wasn’t strong enough anymore to push him away.

‘You are not, me’ Mig murmured. ‘Not, me.’

Miguel continued to fight as his larger counterpart held him to the floor. Mig strained his arms, pushing against him, and with shaking extremities he managed to fire a web at Miguel’s hand. He stuck one against the floor and grabbed him by the throat.

‘This… is… it’ Mig hissed, his spittle hitting Miguel on the cheek. ‘They are mine. I have been pushed—far—ENOUGH!’

Mig opened his mouth, revealing his fangs now dripping with venom. Miguel’s eyes widened.

Oh no. The spider was going to bite.

Instinctively Miguel began to squirm. He fought, he kicked, he scraped. He used everything he had.

But as he fought, and squirmed, and scraped for freedom, he caught a momentarily glimpse of something behind Mig’s head. He looked up and saw the reflective ceiling above.

For just a moment, the red and pink mist parted. He saw himself.

He saw his bloodshot eyes and his violent expression, his lips pulled back over his teeth in a violent sneer. In that distorted reflection Mig’s body looked like his own. It looked like everything he was afraid of. The inside on the outside. The monster. The creature more spider than man. The body he inhabited against his will, which he fought against every day to be what he wished he could be. To be good.

And Mig? He looked like what he thought he was. The bare back and head of a bruised, exhausted man, defending all that he had.

It was slow, but Miguel began to relax his limbs. His body wanted to fight. It wanted to sink its claws and teeth into his opponent, it wanted to tear him limb from limb, but in his right mind he saw himself. He knew he had to be stopped.

He stopped fighting, and in that moment of stillness, Mig bit him. He sank his fangs into Miguel’s neck and let the venom pool into his blood.

The sound Miguel made was like a strangled animal, a low rattle of a moan that echoed through the office and beyond. He spasmed a little as it took hold, his hands clawing at Mig’s back. He felt his hot breath steaming from his nose as he sank his teeth deeper.

The venom took hold quickly, and Miguel felt his hands beginning to lose their grip. His hands slid down before dropping meekly to the floor, and with a final whine, Miguel gave up.

With Miguel’s body now paralyzed Mig withdrew. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stared down at his counterpart. Miguel had closed his eyes, but his chest was slowly rising and falling. He was alive.

Mig rose to his feet and abandoned his other half to the cold, hard floor. The venom would wear off around when the pollen did.

He made his way to you instead.

You were cowering by yourself, shamelessly rubbing your thighs together for any kind of relief. Even now it was all you could think of. As Mig approached your felt your body’s instinctive craving for him.

‘Mig I’m sorry—I couldn’t, control it, it—it hurts—’

‘I know. I know, aranita. It’s okay.’

He knew he should leave, but the urge to take you right then are there was too overwhelming. He was pumping with blood, with adrenaline and pheromones. He couldn’t make it back to your nest, not like this, and neither could you.

He grabbed the nape of your suit with his fangs and lifted you into the air.

‘Mm... Mm.’

With a grunt he swiped everything on Miguel’s desk aside before dropping you onto the smooth metal surface. In seconds he was on you. He thrust you down and began spinning web to keep you in place, tying your burning body down with that thick, sinewy silk.

You welcomed him as he grabbed your suit and ripped it in twain with his claws.

‘M-Mig, please—’

‘Come here.’

He grabbed the loose suit around your crotch and tore, leaving you bare. He pushed his rustling abdomen between your legs.

‘Come here’ he repeated. His mouth was dribbling venom at an alarming rate. ‘Come here, come here—’

You felt his fur brushing and sticking to your sweaty skin, utterly consuming your naked flesh as he mounted the desk and you with it. His breath hit your forehead.

‘Ah—I will, mate you now, okay? A-And then, we will go home. But… I need you… now—’

With a rough grunt he pushed as much of his cock inside you as he could, the smooth red flesh squishing in before expanding and utterly stuffing your cunt. It was plush, thick and hard but squishy in texture, allowing it to utterly invade every inch of your insides.

You both let out the same gasp for air, the same moan of utter and overwhelming relief. It was like emerging from the sea on the brink of drowning. Your lungs ached, your body was hot and shaking, but he had you. He was inside you. Each little pulsing vein was a lifeline.

‘There’ Miguel whined. ‘There, there—shh, I’ve got you. You’re mine now. You’re mine—’

He couldn’t bring himself to pause; the moment he felt that creamy cunt clench him, he started thrusting. Every black vein on his shaft was pulsing violently as it pumped and slipped, your combined slick quickly creating a messy puddle on the desks smooth surface.

Your frantic, jumbled, screaming filled the room, as did his abrupt move into grunting.

‘Uhn—uhn- uhn—’

His claws sank into the metal beside your head with terrifying ferocity. He peeled it back like butter, tugging on it until he was physically slamming you against his cock. You took it all.

Your eyes rolled back as you were used, as you were relieved from your own burning agony by that sweet, sweet, dripping wet cock, by your sweet and equally terrifying mate.

‘Uhn—uhn—uhn—!’

You squeaked as Mig’s forehead hit yours. You could feel it moving as he continued to pump.

‘Ah… mine’ he panted. ‘Mine, mine, MINE—’

‘Y-Yours—’

The desk began to creak and groan under the stress of his enormous body. He bent it further.

‘Mine—Mine!’

His forelegs dug into your waist with a sharp pinch, holding you taut so he could pump in harder.

You could hear what sounded like the wet, lurid motion of sucking as he moved inside you, mixed with the violent muffled clapping of skin on fur as he rutted between your legs.

You looked down, your neck shaking, and you caught a glimpse. He’d spread your hole nearly twice the size it should be spread. You were gaping, clenching to take him as it moved in and out. That fat, plush, red and black shaft was glimmering with copious strings of sticky fluid. You watched the bulge moving in your belly and fell back with a whine.

You were utterly broken by him. He was practically punching his cock at your cervix with each thrust, bending your spine until it ached. You clawed your little nails into his back and screamed.

You lost yourself in that sea of sensation.

Grunting. Pulsing. Slamming. Squeezing. Clenching. Pleading.

Smacking skin, panting and mewling, covered in spit and slick and cum, covered in blood and sweat and seed.

Oozing. Squelching. Screaming. Filling.

‘Let me breed you’ Mig pleaded, his mind utterly consumed by his own basic rutting needs. ‘Let me breed you, let me—fill you—NOW—’

Mig sped up one final time and unloaded hard inside you. You squirmed as you were stuffed, as your cunt expanded beyond its limits to fulfil his needs only to start oozing the excess down your trembling thighs. Your nails left permanent marks on his rippling back as he thrust load after load after load.

On the floor, just a meter or so away from this debaucherous display, Miguel lay in the dark, and he listened. What else could he do?

He knew, truly, that this was rock bottom. This was it. He’d been humbled, at last, in a way that never should have happened.

All he could see now, in his minds eye, was the reflection of his blood-stained face in the ceiling. Was that what you saw? Was that what, everyone saw?

He closed his eyes and silently relished the noise of what he craved so bad. He knew it would be the last time he allowed himself to do it.

He lay in silence as Mig reluctantly pulled out and sealed you up on the desk. The rut, the heat, it wasn’t over yet, but he’d satisfied it enough to get you home. He would mate you in his own nest, safe, away from this chaos.

Mig grabbed you by the nape again, clutching your limp body in his maw, and after pulling up a portal back to his own universe he walked over Miguel to reach it.

The man lay in the sudden silence, lying in the physical mess he’d made, the audio-visual manifestation of consequence. He let out a low whine.

He was never coming back from this.

Link to next part

[roninishere]

Like what you see?

Sanemi Shinazugaea x Female Reader

Warnings: cuteness overload! A little of terrible grammar.

Summary: after an incident with a demon, the Wind Pillar takes care of you.

||

You cried out in pain and agony multiple hands tried to hold you down. Pain pain pain. All throughout your left side of your body.

A patrol around the village near the Masters Mansion went terribly wrong. You weren’t a rookie, you had encountered stronger demons even not as a demon slayer. It went south when a pregnant mother with her son had gotten in between. As you successfully helped them escape to safety, it came at a big cost.

Before you could cut the demons head off, you had suffered multiple broken bones on the side of your body along with deep cut in your thigh from a branch, to your luck just missing an artery.

“Hold her down!” Shinubo yelled at her fellow Hashiras as she tried bleeding from your thigh.

All available hands pinned you down as Sanemi tried to calm you down “Y/N, Y/N Doll, take deep breaths.” He brushed your hair out of your face trying to whisper comforting words to you to try and help ease the pain. ‘Deep breaths’ ‘Try and think of your happiness moment’ ‘You’re gunna be okay Doll.’

“I-it hurts Nemi! hurts-s soo f-fucking much!” You cried out as Shinubo started rebreaking your bones.

Seeing you like this hurt him, it should’ve been him, not you.

Your harsh uneven breaths got worse as you started burning up. The excruciating pain only increased greatly as she started on your forearm. The worst part about it was you weren’t on anything help with the pain, you were feeling all of it.

“I know it hurts, just breathe.” He encouraged as his fingers ran across your cheek and chin as tears fell uncontrollably.

Pain. Pain fucking everywhere.

A scream pierce the room when she got to your shoulder, and you whimpered begging for it to stop. It was hard to hear for the others, but they knew that this was better THAN death. The more you screamed and was in pain, Sanemi continued on with his words of encouragement.

“Alright Y/N last one,” Shinubo placed her hands on Y/N hip bone “this one’s gunna really hurt-“ “O-oh really? That’s fucking great.”

Your smartass comment made some laugh especially Sanemi who laid a kiss on your sweaty forehead before he gave Shinubo a nod. You didn’t know if it was the worst one because you passed out at the unbearable pain.

Sanemi didn’t sleep that night, he told Shinubo that he would clean you up as you slept. Once he got the blood off, he held your right hand as he laid his head softly in your stomach, faced to watch you sleep. Your chest moved up and down more than normal as shaky painful breaths left your lips. Despite his own stubbornness, he couldn’t help but to fall asleep.

||

After much convincing, Shinubo that it was better for you mentally to come home with him, it definitely was better than staring at that damn ceiling. The healing process was slow but steady; about a month into the healing process. Half way there.

But none of it would be possible if it wasn’t for Sanemi. Literally taken the role of caretaker, no complains. Normally he was only soft and gentle with you in private, but ever since that night, he refused to leave your side, even to go out and grab ingredients and food for just twenty minutes. Not that you didn’t love it, it just made you think, your incident scared the fuck out of him.

You knew about his younger years, and you knew that despite not on talking terms currently with his younger brother; you and Genya mean everything to him.

It was one morning you managed to escape Sanemis hold on bed and with your crutch, made your way to the kitchen. Now the pain wasn’t gone, but with your pain tolerance, you still tried your luck. You tried to be as quiet as possible while cooking.

Subconsciously going to hold your body close to his, his eyes shot open when all he felt was cold sheets. Immediately jumping out of bed, he thought the worse, as he grabbed his sword, he heard you in the kitchen.

Setting it back against the wall, Sanemi rubbed his face groaning with his hands slightly irritated with you, your stubborn ass was gunna make your injuries worse. Walking quietly down the hallway, he prepped himself to lecture you.

Hearing you hum the same lullaby that he’s hummed you the past few weeks, brought such warmth to his chest almost causing him to forget about your irresponsible action. Entering the kitchen and seeing that you hadn’t noticed him, he leaned against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest observing you in the kitchen.

Believe it or not, he taught you how to cook, and though you’d try really hard, you failed miserably sometimes. Funny as hell, yet cute.

“Are you gunna flip that?”

Completely taken by surprise and scared shitless, you nearly jumped almost slipping “Nemi! How long have you been standing there?”

You were all flustered, face bright red, you had been caught red handed and he scared you.

“Long enough to watch you struggle with making coffee and almost burn this.” He took the deformed pancake off the pan, examine it with a huff, and set it with the rest of them. Catching her trying to pour the coffee into mugs with one hand, he took it out of her hands doing it for her. Hearing a frustrated sigh, he pulled her chin up to face him “You know this is stupid right?”

Yeah. Nodding, she shrugged nonchalantly admitting “I know…I just wanted to do something nice for you…I know it hasn’t been easy lately…taking care of me and stuff…”

“Thank you for that, but taking care of you is the least I can do. You’re not a burden, just really a pain in my ass because you’re stubborn. The hardest thing was just seeing you in pain like that, I wished I could’ve taken it all away, but I’m grateful that you were alive,” his thumbs brushed against your cheek as he rest his head against yours before kissing your forehead “but don’t fucking scare me like that again.” You gave him a hum.

Feeling him leave kisses all over your face, you giggled with a smile until you felt his lips on yours. So you had support, he pressed you gently against the counter before he pulled away, giving you a tight side hug. He did like this though “I could get use to this.”

“Me too.” You agreed, taking him a bit by surprise. He was certain that you’d wanna go back to work as soon as you healed, and he had been dreading that conversation. Now he doesn’t have to have it. Looking down at you, he waited for a ‘I’m kidding’ but you never said it. A wave of relief ran through his body as his eyes fell upon your wedding ring that was on a chain around your neck.

Everything happens for a reason.

Ever since he met you, you never stopped moving, working, training, he was the only thing that kept you grounded so you could rest and stop to enjoy life. Now with you done with all of that. It was the perfect timing.

“How did you manage this? You know, I don’t even wanna know,” Sanemi teased as you blush. He wiped the pancake batter off your cheek before giving you a huff “Go sit down and rest while I finishing up.”

Your hip WAS starting to hurt a bit now that he mentioned resting. Siting at the island, you leaned your elbow on the counter, resting your head in your hand, watching him loving. You knew he had felt your eyes on him when his cheeks got bright pink.

“L-like what you see?”

Oh you always managed to get him all flustered up “Actually I LOVE what I see.” You winked at him causing him to blush harder.

“You’re an idiot.”

||

Had this idea pop in my head so hope y’all enjoyed! I had wrote a Kyojuro Rengoku a while back, but it was my first time doing a character x you, and I accident kept putting the words her and she so I’m redoing it now haha. I’ll post that when it’s ready.

Love ya! 💚

[lucky-bishova-42]

Hi(gh) Mama!

(oneshot that takes place anytime after Chapter 32 in Malen’kiy Yastreb)

If you asked Yelena how today was gonna go, she wouldn’t in a million years have guessed this.

It all started when Sonya had come over to visit the apartment the night before.

And let’s just say she brought some fun brownies over for her and Yelena to enjoy while they hung out.

What Yelena neglected to remember, before going to bed, was to label or move the leftover brownies.

Which led to this.

“Oh blyad!! Kate don’t eat those!!” Yelena cries as she watches Kate take a bite out of said brownies.

“What? Why?” Kate puts the rest of the brownie down.

“You didn’t eat any more of those, have you??” Yelena asks urgently.

“Just one other one right before this one, why? Are they for something specific?” Kate starts to get concerned.

“Der’mo! You had a whole one?”

“Yes!” Kate replies exasperatedly, “Now are you gonna tell me why its such an issue that I had one?”

“Those aren’t regular brownies, Kate. They are weed brownies,” Yelena sighs.

Kate’s eyes go wide as she looks down at the sweet treat she is still holding.

“Holy shit,” Kate says, realizing the situation.

“Yup.”

“Mama and Mom are gonna kill us.”

“Yes. Well, probably not you since it isn’t really your fault. But me, for sure.”

—————————————————————————

*about two hours later*

“Do you ever think about how if you never truly let your car’s tank get empty, that there might be a molecule of the original gas solution still in the car?” Kate ponders as she sits upside-down on the couch.

“No… but I think it is safe to say that the edible has finally kicked in,” Yelena replies, “What time are your parents going to be home?”

“Huh,” Kate pauses for a second, ignoring Yelena’s question in favor of staring at the dust on the light fixtures, “we should really start cleaning the ceiling… maybe Peter could help.”

“Kate,” Yelena snaps her fingers in front of Kate’s face, “focus!”

“Oh sorry,” Kate chuckles, turning herself upright, “I feel reeeeeeaaaaally spacey right now… how long does this normally last?”

“Well, you basically had one and a half… and you are smaller than me… and Sonya makes them kinda strong…”

“Lena…”

“Maybe a few hours,” Yelena reluctantly supplies, “possibly the rest of the night—“

“THE REST OF THE NIGHT?!?”

“Shh, calm down, malen’kaya ptichka,” Yelena puts her hands on Kate’s shoulders, “we will figure this out. Now, what time will your parents be home?”

“In within the hour,” Kate says, looking at the clock.

“Der’mo,” Yelena curses, takes a deep breath, “Okay, listen. This is what we are gonna do. We are just gonna pretend that you are extra tired and want to go to bed early; that way you can hide out in your room til you come back down.”

“I dunno Auntie Lena,” Kate frowns slightly, “lying to Mama is never a good idea; she always knows when I am lying. Plus, Mom can literally read minds.”

“It will just be for a few hours,” Yelena says, “plus, it’s not like it will be a full lie; I bet soon you will start to feel tired anyways.”

Kate looks at Yelena skeptically.

“Please, Kate,” Yelena pleads, “If your mothers find out they will kill me.”

Kate sighs, “Fine. But I make no promises.”

And Kate really tries to calm down and try to relax. She does.

But something about the specific strain that was laced in the brownies makes her slightly anxious and her already short attention span even shorter.

About twenty minutes later, she finds herself unable to stop bouncing her knee while her brain starts to run rampant with all of her irrational fears; specifically those fears that surround getting punished.

“I don’t think I can do this, Lena,” Kate trembles.

Yelena looks up from her phone to focus on a very anxious Kate.

“We should just come clean right away. They are gonna be so pissed. But maybe if we tell them it’s an accident they will go easy on us,” Kate’s trembling gets worse, and her eyes start to water.

“Hey—hey, Kate, look at me,” Yelena gently takes Kate’s chin and gets her to meet her eye line, “You are not in trouble. It was an accident. If your parents are gonna be mad at anyone, they will be mad at me,” Yelena wipes a single tear that escaped Kate’s eye, “okay?”

Kate nods and hugs Yelena, who tightens her arms around her as they cuddle on the couch.

“I still don’t like how I feel right now,” Kate announces after a moment, “my body feels heavy but my brain is moving too fast.”

“Ah, I get it, malen’kaya ptichka,” Yelena reaches over and grabs the remote, “I think I have an idea of what might help.”

—————————————————————————

Thirty minutes later, Wanda and Natasha walk into the apartment to find a very giggly Kate sitting on the couch with Yelena watching what seems to be one of those toddler sensory videos.

“Um…hello?” Natasha says cautiously as she walks towards the back of the couch.

Kate turns around with a goofy smile and a dazed look on her face, “Yay! Mama’s home!”

“Yeah…” Natasha replies slowly as she looks back and forth between her daughter and her sister, confused at what is going on, “I am home.”

“Come sit, Mama! Auntie Lena found the best tv show!” Kate cheers, patting the seat next to her.

At this point, Wanda had also joined them in the living room and was also very confused, and maybe slightly concerned, about what was going on.

Natasha goes and sits next to Kate on the couch. Once she sits down, Kate immediately snuggles into her side then looks up at her.

“Hi Mama!” Kate smiles.

“Hi baby—”

“Wow! Your hair looks extra red today!” Kate reaches out and begins to play with a strand.

Natasha is confused.

Don’t get her wrong, Kate is a very cuddly person, and is always a little bit more open and relaxed when snuggled with her Mama or Mom, but this seems a little over the top.

Natasha briefly looks over to Wanda, who shrugs her shoulders, before looking down at her daughter.

Natasha raises her eyebrow, but goes along with it, “it does?”

“Mm-hm!” Kate hums happily, and smiles again back up at her Mama, “like a fire truck!”

And that’s when Natasha sees Kate’s red-tinted eyes, and everything clicks.

Her eyes widen, and she whips her head up to look at her sister who looks very guilty all of a sudden.

“Is Kate… high?” she asks Yelena in a measured tone, as she starts to glare at her.

Yelena avoids Natasha’s glare and pauses before letting out a small, “maybe…”

“You got my daughter high?!?” Natasha basically growls, causing Kate to jump in her arms.

“How can you be so irresponsible?!” Wanda adds in.

“It was an accident!!” Yelena defends herself, “I forgot to put the brownies away after last night.”

“How many times have I told you to label them?!?” Natasha shouts back.

“It’s not my fault I forgot—”

“Stop fighting!” They hear a teary Kate interject.

Natasha looks down to see an upset Kate with tears running down her face.

“Oh malyshka,” Natasha pulls her in close, “it’s okay.”

“It was just an accident,” Kate sniffles, “it wasn’t Lena’s fault.”

Natasha looks at Wanda then at Yelena, and after a brief pause, decides to talk more to Yelena about this later to not further upset Kate. So she looks down at Kate with a soft smile, “I suppose you’re right. It could’ve happened to anyone… It was just an accident.”

Kate returns the smile and cuddles deep into Natasha’s arms before turning her attention back to the tv, where there are still smiling fruit bouncing around to happy music.

After a few minutes, she starts to giggle again, pointing out to her parents and aunt what things are the funniest.

Soon Natasha, Wanda, and Yelena can’t help but laugh along with Kate.

“Alright, I know this is a big accident,” Yelena whispers over to Natasha and Wanda, “but you have to admit, it’s kinda hilarious.”

Wanda and Natasha chuckle.

“You might be right,” Wanda smiles looking down at a half awake, half giggling Kate.

“Remind me tomorrow to explain to her that this won’t be happening again until she is at least 18," Natasha says.

“Oh believe me,” Yelena chuckles, “I don’t think you will have an issue there.”

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S03E20 And the Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place previous episode - table of contents

It's kinda wild how much b5 is exactly to my tastes. Take this (and many other!) episode titles for example. Pretentious? Maybe. Poetic? Certainly. Full of allusion? Definitely. Makes me get shivers? Absolutely.  They even give me things to complain about. I'm well settled into complaining loudly about Londo bullshit.

Last episode's beverage (for data point purposes) was straight tequila with pepsi chaser. The hangover was vile and I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep for three hours. Today's beverage - Bitterroot Brewing Co "Dirt Church" ipa. It's alright for an IPA.

"Z MINUS 14 DAYS"

I see we've moved several letters on from "t."

Yeah!! It's another Susan Ivanova personal log episode. The telepaths they've recruited are being dispersed. Sheridan is tired, and Franklin is still pacing the halls. 

All the telepaths are being accompanied by a single Narn bodyguard. Fingers crossed for some of those bodyguards to start developing some telepathy of their own after spending a long time in close quarters with a telepath!!

Londo thinks it's time to "take care of" G'Kar?? FUCK OFF.  He wants G'Kar tricked back to Narn and executed. Thanks to the previous flashbacks, I am well aware that this plot won't play out with G'Kar's actual death. But I still want to strangle Londo. Can I isekai into B5 just long enough to goddamn murder that man?? 

Religious Theo of the religious group whatevever is being highlighted this episode. In theory I appreciate how diverse B5 is, religiously speaking. In practice....ehhh. At least when it comes to people quoting the KJV and referring to "the lord" every other sentence. 

Sheridan does look rough. And there's Delenn!!! Pretty in pink. 

"[Ivanova] said you were carrying on cranky. I looked up cranky, it said grouchy. I looked up grouchy, it said crochetly. No wonder you have such an eccentric culture. None of your words have their own meaning!" 

LOL!! Delenn is so cute. Also, very seriously, I apologize to every person who needs to learn English as an adult. It's a mess. 

Once I saw a gif of Delenn propping herself up on a elbow in bed with Sheridan and I have been FERAL to see that scene ever since. Maybe today will be the episode? Delenn climbs in bed with Sheridan to make him sleep??

Na'Toth might be alive. Or her name might simply be a trap for G'Kar. I don't think Londo's plan is going to work out. If he didn't go back to Narn for literally every other Narnuan, I'm not sure he'd go back for his aide who is probably dead. Also I 100% have more faith in Vir than this. Idk where he got them, but he has a surprisingly well-developed set of morals and empathy. 

Vir: "I won't. I won't go. I won't do it."

VIR BABY. Just say you'll do it, then go and collude and G'Kar. Londo is unhinged, threatening to have Vir's family stripped naked and whipped through the streets of Centaur's capital. What a fuck. He ought to be directing his energies towards getting back Lord Whatshisface who killed Adira on behalf of the Shadows. Refa. The show reminds me in a timely manner. 

Speaking of Refa, he's giving very desperate vibes. Trying too hard to suck up, and that puts blood in the water for the sharks to scent!!

Well. Hopefully even if Vir gives into Londo's threat and tries to trick G'Kar, his obvious nerves give away that something's wrong. 

Back to Londo and the Centauri court shenanigans. Londo is, undeniably, good at putting on the type of political front that works well on Centaur. 

Susan's blowout is so good every day I have to assume it's part of the high-tech auto-dryer when you step out of the shower...or something. Because there's no way that SUSAN IVANOVA is spending twenty minutes every day achieving the most ideal blowout that has ever been hair-dried into existence. 

OK I like the religious cabal a bit better now that I know they're smuggling up-to-date information about Earth politics into Bably 5. 

GODDANG IT. G'Kar is trying to sneak back onto Narn. Well. At least I know he lives to die another day. 

Vir, I am disappointed in. 

Centaur attack on Vir!! He lives to become Emperor another day as well. Stakes drop considerably when you know certain characters' ultimate fates. 

You know who I'd love to see again? AUNT PROPHETESS! Majel!! 

Lord Refa's eyebrows deserve their own acting credit. 

oooh, Centauri telepathy attack!! 

Poor Vir. If only he had been able to keep his position on Minbar. He looked less stressed-out when he was spending most of his time surrounded by a tranquil environment. 

The Baptist pastor is hanging out with Sheridan, who is struggling to relax enough to fall asleep while also doing paperwork. Maybe. don't do paperwork while getting ready for bed. Which the pastor is also bringing up, more delicately than I would. 

the Pastor: DELEGATE IDIOT.

OK he can stay. He is speaking common sense. 

"When youre worry tank gets full people stop coming to you, because they don't want to add to it." 

Smart. "figure out how to relax or your people will stop reading you in in an attempt to protect you." 

"Z MINUS 13 DAYS"

Zha'ha'dum minus 13 days?? 

G'Kar made it to Narn. There's climate change from the orbital bombardment. Constant wind, particulate coming down from the upper atmosphere, poor air quality. And I doubt they had recovered from the previous Centauri occupation, and possibly not even the Shadows' occupation before that! 

Emperor Cartagia is going to be traveling to B5: that seems like a significant security risk! Maybe he'll get nerfed and we'll see the glorious ascension on Emperor Londo. 

Refa's plot is to capture G'Kar instead of letting Londo do it. Fingers crossed for neither of them getting that glory. 

Delenn says there's no pattern to the Shadows' attacks. The lack of pattern is probably the point - all over the place and unpredictable so the united forces are spread as thin and widely as possible. And the tactical data sorta supports that! They haven't attacked anything in the center of the sector, so refugees are going there. And Sheridan is picking this up now, too. They could nail all the refugees at once. 

"I think this is as much about terror as it is about territory." 

Yeah. 

Hm, Delenn is horrified by Sheridan saying he needs to think like them to beat them. Unless she has a really compelling argument against it, I'm going to have to disagree. How can you counter a tactic unless you understand it? 

Londo just knocked out a Centauri guard with a punch to rescue Vir. He gets no points from me, because he put Vir in that position. 

Unfortunately G'Kar won't get to kill Londo for quite a few years, but maybe he and the resistance will get to kill Refa and his goon squad instead. 

Damn it, Londo was two steps ahead of Refa this whole time. f.ucking annoying. Well. all Centauri warmongering genocidal politics are annoying. Refa being personally in charge of the bombardment of Narn is backfiring on his right now. 

Oh so this means that Vir was an unwitting stooge in the plot all along, and that's extra scummy, considering it resulted in Vir being mindraped and made to believe he'd just given up his mentor and employer. Very very cutthroat politics. No wonder Londo didn't name the embarassment he was planning to remove on behalf of the emperor to prove House Mollari's value. 

Baptist Pastor brought a gospel singer along with him, lol. That's very on brand. And super fucking amusing juxtaposition between her music and Refa being pursued and killed. "There's no hiding place down here." Refa being beaten to death. 

Buuuut as much as I dislike Londo, I am a fan of the person responsible for untold suffering and death getting a tiny fraction of that delivered back to them. So...annoyingly... *sigh* go Londo...

It's so fucking funny that Londo had the ability to slip refa the other half of the two-part poison all along but instead he had him beaten to death for political purposes. 

Vir is angry, but probably not enough to make him break from Londo entirely. 

Delenn has a surprise for Sheridan - "the White Star was never intended to be one of a kind, only the first..." and now there's a whole fleet. 

Hm. As far as first kisses on screen go, that one was pretty dated. I'm happy for them, but the "smear your face against the other person's face" is a style I'm glad has mostly gone away. It doesn't look very pleasant, hahah. 

Mrs Sheridan, I presume?

[lxve-and-lxght]

pocket full of stars

joel miller blurb

joel miller x genderfluid!reader

warnings: angsty, non gender specific, just feelings. comfort fic, i literally wrote this in twenty minutes and didn’t edit it. also im corny and so is reader. sorry <3

also based on the song pocket full of stars by nine black alps

-

“i don’t even know who are joel!” you screamed. “it’s like everyone pretends you didn’t fucking exist before jackson!”

“have you considered it’s better that way?” joel brooded trying to walk away from the conversation.

“i’m not done!” you yelled blocking the door. “better for who!?” you cried, “for who? for me? is it really better that i know nothing about the man who crawls into my bed at night?!” he didn’t say anything.

you asked him.

after weeks of rolling in your bed wondering why he didn’t trust you enough talk about it. maria said you deserved to know what kind of man he’d been before jackson, before ellie, before you decided what you wanted of him.

“why does it matter?” joel asked. “y’never cared before.”

“because i want to know you!” tears were streaming down your face. “i want to feel like i haven’t been wasting my time. like the last thirteen months fucking meant something!” you pushed joel’s chest and he stumbled back a bit and you just kept pushing.

“darlin’ calm dow-“ he tried to hold you close to him.

“don’t you love me?” you sobbed.

“.. of course i do.” joel tried to console you. his hand brushed the hair sticking in your tears from your eyes. you both dropped to the floor so he could hold you.

“you know me, why can’t i know you ..?” you trembled.

“y’do know me.” he held your face. “just not as a starving man. you know me as i am.” you just sat between his legs and cried. “people get desperate when they’re scared, darlin’, you know that.”

you just sat like that together. you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away. you needed him. there was nothing without him.

“— besides, you know me better than anyone else in town.” joel mumbled into the top of your head. “i don’t have to lie or play pretend for you. i can just be an old man.”

“god you really are an old man.” you sniffled wiping a tear.

“y’like your men with a little gray huh?” he chuckled staring down at your shiny eyes. jesus he was corny. but you were worse so.

“nah just this one.” you leaned to kiss him. you didn’t care who Joel had been. just that he was.

[deerlisteners]

get to know me tag game!!

ty for the tag @toedeodorant :-)

1. Are you named after anyone?

legally? no. casually? MANY people but i’m not gonna say who bc it’s embarrassing lmao

2. When was the last time you cried?

literally last night bc i finished cyberpunk 2077 for the first time. it was BADDDDD

3. Do you have kids?

i do not thankfully bc costs are insane!!!!! perhaps someday

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

i used to be VERY into track/cross country and swimming, and i played soccer and tennis! and then i became an animation student and now i do none of those things unfortunately

5. Do you use sarcasm?

on occasion B-)

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

hair………. i have pretty bad face blindness AND i don’t like eye contact so i mainly identify people by their hair

7. What's your eye color?

grey

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

OK SO LIKE….. not to go off on a tangent. but i have something against the phrase “happy endings” bc that to me (alongside “sad endings”) feels like it’s describing something that the term doesn’t actually mean. does that make sense. i feel like in order for an ending to be Good it has to have elements of happy and sad, so any purely happy or sad ending feels lacking to me. also i LOVE horror so tldr scary movies

9. Any talents?

i am so good at falling asleep. i will fall asleep in less than twenty minutes. also i can recreationally dislocate my shoulders

10. Where were you born?

ontario, canada

11. What are your hobbies?

drawing obv. uhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhh watching movies. i love watching things w other people and talking the whole time and discussing what we’re watching. also i can play a couple of instruments and i’m getting back into sewing w a friend :-)

12. Do you have any pets?

my parents have two foolish dogs and my roommate has one really weird cat so i am something of a pet nomad

13. How tall are you?

5’6/169cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

english or classics :^) i find it pretty easy to remember dates and i’m really really interested in history so i always enjoyed those classes! and obviously i like media analysis and also reading. so. but if we’re talking exclusively on a university level probably film studies is my favourite subject

15. Dream job?

on one hand i would absolutely love to be an indie webcomic artist full time!!! that’s the dream!!!!! on the other hand i’m literally built to be a blockbuster employee #borninthewronggeneration #oldsoul #justgirlythings

no pressure tagging @dragonheart1330 @theshortolivia @pirdmystery :-)

[lovefromskyee]

6/1/24

still not quite free enough to write daily entries (I have a physics theory paper on Monday), BUT I am free enough to give a bullet point recap of everything interesting that happened during this last exam week

I fell asleep during my business studies paper. Thankfully, it was after I finished writing it and still had a half-hour left, but my four hours of sleep that night really did catch up to me. The invigilator had to quite literally shake me awake.

Almost cried in front of said invigilator on the same day during the next paper (biology theory) that day, when my biology teacher (who is a LIAR) said that her paper would be easy but it SO wasn't.

Same biology paper, they printed one less copy. My bio teacher saw the two copies in her hand, the three students without a paper (with me sitting right in front of her, by the way) kept walking past me, gave the papers to the other students, and then had me wait twenty minutes while she went and printed another paper. This has got to be some personal vendetta.

Wrote such an amazing descriptive for my English paper today, and finished half an hour early which is a monumental feat. Got another half-hour of sleep.

That's pretty much it actually. It's my brother's birthday next week and I might log back on to update y'all about that, but the chances are low.

Love from Skye <3

[foxsoulcourt]

15 questions

(or the time I almost pasted a comment intended for Hunting, @roseforthethorns + Only_1_Truth's recent spicy 🌶🌶🌶 JB/Q/AT werewolf au instead of the questions to answer 👀😂)

Ty @bishybarnaby + @macontheweb for asking me to play! 💜

1. Are you named after anyone? Kind of. My mama's best friend's name was Laurie + she like the sound of it so she came up w/something similar. (Grateful my dad ix-nayed the Two Grandmother's Name idea because Patience Josephine is a l o t for one small human to shoulder.)

2. When was the last time you cried? Two nights ago during a rewatch of Madam Secretary s05 e16 The New Normal about climate change-related migrations. Before that got weepy while listening to a friend explain the complicated surgery + recovery protocol she's navigating.

3. Do you have kids? Yep, two 24 y.o. born 5 minutes apart. Very different in almost every way, currently living in two different states. Each are DeLiGhTfuL humans which makes being family a lot of fun. ~ Interestingly, this almost wasn't my story. I'm deeply grateful neither of my parents pushed marriage or kids onto my ideas for the future. I grew up knowing neither choice is for everyone, nor an indicator of a rich, full life, and well into my twenties I was utterly convinced neither were for me. ~ As life unfolded I did a shit-ton of therapy, decided to stick around this place + then later on met my person. We're well-matched in many great ways, so when things shifted inside both of us, our two came into the world. We intentionally raised + launched them aligned with our quirky values + interests which turned out to be a trickier design challenge than I anticipated. Worthy though! But, ummm, I'm STILL kinda tired, so if you choose to do the kid thing, please get more sleep than I did while you do it. Your future self will be grateful. Plus if you have ovaries, menopause is a w a y easier journey if you've been getting enough sleep beforehand. #adrenal fatigue is real

4. Do you use sarcasm? Occasionally I hint at it, but no. It makes me emotionally + physically squirm.

5. What is the first thing you notice about people? Hmmmm, intuitively I pick up how emotionally safe they are, both within themselves + how they're likely to interact with others. Next I notice what draws their eyes. Then I get curious about what they choose to wear + why. Sometimes it's the exact opposite sequence.

6. What is your eye color? Green

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Ha! Happy endings!!! CanNOT watch anything remotely scary.

8. Any special talents? After years + years of wondering WTAF, I realised I'm the human equivalent of a portable sanctuary. Not always (that would be aNnOyiNg for all involved!), but often there's something about how I listen + interact w/people that makes them feel safe enough to share something about themselves, an insight, or chitchat about A Real Thing. It happens literally a n y w h e r e. Yesterday it was w/a guy in the grocery store check out line.

9. Where were you born? Within a mile of a small beach in a formerly sleepy southern Californian town, USA; moved to the PNW when I was 12. West coast gal all the way.

10. What are your hobbies? Chopping vegetables while listening to old school jazz, reading, dinking around in the garden, going for walks to look at other people's gardens, evolving as a human being, making Mr FSC laugh so his eyes crinkle. Vague itch to pick up some sort of fabric art activities in 2023.

11. Do you have any pets? After the heart-break of nursing first one + then a second older man cat to the other side (see below), I've become an avid backyard bird watcher. This includes staring out the window at LoTs of little brown birds + talking to the neighbourhood crows.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? All my life I've been physically active, almost always outside the bounds of defined sports. In high school I swam + played on the badminton team and both were a total gas, but that was because we were a team of weirdos doing something fun together. Swimming, bike riding, hiking, sailing, skiing, dancing, walking - all of it - is for the joy of feeling my body in motion. I am so f*%ing grateful to my parents for leading by example in this way which, thankfully, I seem to have passed onto both of our kids.

13. How tall are you? 5′6" / 167 cm

14. Favorite subject in school? All of them. Seriously. I loved learning about the natural world which opened up into all.of.the.sciences. Loved learning mathematics even when it was moderately hard; stopped when it got really hard. Adored reading + writing, and then writing about what I read. Liked art + cooking + sewing (which was still taught at the time). Took Spanish + then went to Latin America to speak it. Enjoyed learning how to speak persuasively, up in front of other people. Reading this over I started laughing because it makes sense of my Uni experience! Spent a few years on a journey through most of these topics before I narrowed it down to History of Science. Which still covers almost all of them PLUS included the study of people + institutions! Grad school was focused on leadership development + how to navigate organisational change, which meant picking up organisational psychology to add into the mix.

15. Dream job? Having had s e v e r a l already + being in the 3rd act of life w/the need to make a bit more money, this is a f a s c i n a t i n g, topical + tender question. I've loved what I've done: waited tables; collaboratively created a customer service + accounting dept within a successful dot com start up within a major retailer; lay minister with teens in a queer positive church; parent; organisational change consultant. B u T, I've also experienced mental + physical exhaustion 3x. The last episode has been particularly challenging to recover from, so the question at hand is how to be moderate. I hear it's possible + have seen others achieve this goal. Recently started back up w/therapy to figure why it's been challenging for me thus far. Dream of dreams? Consultant designing + facilitating important conversations w/in organisations navigating changes in leadership styles between The Old Way + what's evolving. I'm pretty skilled at inter-generational dynamics which is a deal these days. Goal is to get paid handsomely enough for doing it part time. Stretch goal? Flesh out some scribbled notes pinned on the bulletin board >> write a couple of small square books about organisational change + Generation Flux + sTuFf.

Who else wants to play? If you're interested, @fuzzballsheltiepants, @pomponiaia, @christinefromsherwood, @anyawen, @merceyca, @leahlisabeth, @youreyestheyglow. I'm guessing any one of you will do this in 50% fewer words. 😉 Carrying forward bishy's caveat: this one is long and also personal, so feel free to nope out if you'd rather not!

Here are sweet Oscar + Mr Bingley, may they continue to rest in peace while nourishing the garden.

[marzek]

Preview for ‘A Lost Owl’ - Chapter 37: Next

Entry 80

 People really need to stop claiming triangulation is so difficult.

Pfft.

Really, all you need are two lines and a map. And maybe Joe. Joe is a great help with really everything.

(Did I ever mention that I missed him?).

 Well, yesterday while the others were recovering after the first temple, I grabbed Joe to find out where exactly the second temple was. During my research in Newtopia, only the location of the first temple came up, and until two days ago, when we loaded the gem, I was still afraid we'd have to search for the second temple completely blind.

But NO. The gem emitted a green beam of light that pointed directly to the next temple. HOW COOL IS THAT???

So I used a map of all of Amphibia to place the gem where Wartwood was, traced the line with a pencil, grabbed Joe, flew him a good twenty minutes away, landed, and repeated the whole thing. And now we're all on our way to Mount Mutu - a place far too cold for amphibians to live on. Or even want to live on.

A completely barren landscape, entirely covered with snow. Let's hope the temple isn't buried beneath all that snow, considering the (presumably) thousands of years that have passed since the temples were built.

 Well, never mind for now. Right now, we're all flying on Joe, and it should be an estimated twenty minutes before we're landing. Oh, by 'us' this time I don't just mean me, Anne, and the Plantars. This time we also have Maddie with us, and Polly's robot Frobo, which Joe is carrying with his claws.

 You're doing great, Joe ❤️

 The couch here is currently pretty cramped with all of us on it. Before we left, however, there was a little argument between Anne and Hop Pop because originally, she didn't want to come at all. She had argued with the lack of space on here, but Hop Pop merely insisted that she come along, and she immediately caved in.

And while I am very happy to spend time with her, I can't help but see the worry and even fear in her eyes.

 She changed after the war broke out, and I am very worried about her. She is very withdrawn, and above all, more fearful. Even more so since the first temple. She is more and more scared of making mistakes and hurting those she loves. She is afraid of her powers, and what they might do to her, or what they might make her do.

The night after the temple, I heard Anne talking in her sleep. She mumbled nothing but apologies and cried. The day after, she also avoided the Plantars as much as possible. Literally. She was so afraid of hurting her family-

And I'm not even just talking about physical pain.

I know, for example, that Anne talked to Hop Pop just once about the incident with the music box, but kept quiet about it after that. She acted like everything was fine, while telling me that she was still upset with Hop Pop. And now she's even too scared to even start a discussion about literally anything... Seeing her like this hurts my heart. I hope, this temple might end up better than the last one.

 I'll write more later, we're about to land.

 ----------------- 

Marcy closes her journal, and stows it inside her winter coat, specially brought for this trip, with some very large pockets inside, rather than in her trusty bag which, this time, she left at home. The others are similarly warmly wrapped:

Sprig wears an olive-colored down jacket along with a scarf, the end of which drags on the ground behind him whenever he walks. Polly wears an untucked, light blue hood from Marcy's coat, sewn shut so that she is warm all around. Anne is wearing her SJMS jacket and has a pink pom-pom hat on her head to go with it. Maddie, like Marcy, is wearing a winter coat, but dark gray rather than beige. For Joe, Marcy has specially crafted an oversized pom-pom hat and an extra chest warmer made while still in Newtopia, to the front of which Marcy has sewn a pocket from a potato sack that is no longer used, for Hop Pop, who can look down on the snow-white mountain landscape from there, comfortably and securely.

 "Alright Joe, take us down, but slowly.", Marcy speaks to him, who chirps in affirmation. "And eyes up guys: 10 coppers for the first one to spot the temple.", she announces with clearly exaggerated excitement.

"Uhuhu-", Polly rubs her hands together in anticipation with a mean grin on her face, "That money is as good as mine."

Sprig jumps in on Marcy's bet as well, as Hop Pop suddenly screams from his Hop Pocket backwards against the airstream. "DID SOMEONE JUST SAY MONEY?". The others aren't able to hear him though.

"I prefer to keep reading, thank you very much.", Maddie calmly replies with her book on level three freezing curses in her hands.

"Sure.", Marcy replies vocally unchanged, at least until she turns and looks at her girlfriend, "And what about you- Anne?"

"Huh?", her head snaps up in surprise, "Oh, sorry. I was... lost in thought. What was your question?"

For longer than is probably appropriate, Marcy merely glances at her, trying as best she can to read from her face what's going on in her head right now. Unfortunately, mind reading isn't exactly one of her skills, so she ultimately just sighs and rests her head on Anne's shoulder.

"Doesn't matter.", she replies. Anne doesn't dig any further.

[bonkbong]

Just Dance

"Besties, can y'all hurry up? We already two hours late!"

Yuna and Ivin immediately came down the stairs sharing a bag of chips and giggling about something on Yuna's phone.

Gay.

"Where is your sister and Sana?" I blinked, ignoring the incoming messages from Nayeon wondering where we were.

"Sana is curling her hair and Aloni doing her edges, for once," Ivin mumbled.

"Hurry up, bitches!" I yelled up the stairs.

"Whose car are we taking?" Yuna asked.

"Aloni's," I answered, grabbing the keys from the kitchen counter and tossing them to her. "Go there and start the car. And make sure to turn the heat on cause it's cold as fuck outside," I rolled my eyes.

"C'mon," Ivin nodded, heading out the door.

I jogged back upstairs while answering the incoming FaceTime call from Nayeon as I peeked inside the bathroom Sana and Aloni were in.

"Mama, I know, we're late as fuck"

"Yes! Where the hell are you guys? Everyone is asking about you"

"Girl...now be forreal. Ain't nobody asking about us"

"Uh-huh! Mingi and Jackson keep asking about Aloni, Moon is wondering about Sana, and I've had about three people wonder where you are. Not to mention, I need help keeping everything in line cause just about everyone in here is drunk!"

"Girl, I'm trying to rush them but-"

"We're done!" Sana clapped, smiling at me.

"You've been getting ready since six...," I told her.

"What's wrong with that?" she frowned.

"It's eleven!"

"We're coming now. Literally walking out of the door," Aloni told Nayeon, ushering me and Sana down the stairs.

"I better see you in the next twenty minutes"

"You will!" Sana assured her.

"Does everybody have everything cause I'm not turning around," Aloni announced, turning off the rest of the lights in the house.

"Yes, girl. We got everything," I nodded.

"Let's roll and party then," she mumbled as we left the house.

The ride there took about fifteen minutes and then some, considering the dispensary run Ivin needed to get her some more weed, but we made it there safely and without a problem. It was freezing as we walked down the block to the only lively house on the block, Aloni suffering and complaining the most since she wanted to dress like it was the summer knowing it was dead in the middle of December.

"It's so fucking cold, oh my God," she cried, teeth clattering and arms rubbing her arms.

"That's what you get for dressing like a slut," Ivin laughed.

"Right like whose pants are you trying to get into tonight?" Yuna asked.

"Mingi," me and Aloni answered at the same time.

"I support!" Sana happily clapped.

"And then we're gonna get Donavon some dick," Aloni confidently spoke making me frown at the outrageous comment.

I don't know what that girl is talking about.

"Don't group me in your bullshit," I told her, stepping over somebody passed out in the walkway of the house. "I'm not looking for any of that tonight. I'm just here to have a good time with my friends on a Friday night," I shrugged.

"Well, at least get a luh drunk and high," Ivin encouraged while taking a hit from her Breeze.

"Oh girl, the drinks will be drunk tonight," I nodded.

Everyone rang out in 'periods' as we climbed the stairs and entered the house, my eyes widening at the number of people packed into this goddamn house.

It was only two stories. And it was huge but still.

I'm sure it was enough people here to fit in one of them nice ass houses in Indian Village or something.

"YOU'RE HERE!"

We all turned at the voice while Ivin closed the door behind us, Jihyo making her way through the sea of bodies and drunk as all outdoors.

Baby was glowing.

"Everyone else is in the kitchen," she giggled while giving out hugs.

"How many drinks have you had?" Sana asked.

"I lost count after me and Jackson finished a whole bottle of Hennessy together," she waved off.

"Mhm," Aloni nodded, gathering us and pushing us further into the house. "Just remember to wrap it up and check for any phones. Don't want a repeat of last time!" she yelled.

"Oh my God," Ivin gasped.

"Why would you say that?" I laughed, shocked.

"Just trying to help my girl out," she shrugged.

Expertly, she maneuvered us through the crowd and safely into the kitchen that held all of our friends who decided to come out and party tonight.

Thank God.

Was tired of looking at them randoms.

"Look who finally fucking made it!" Jungkook smiled, also drunk as hell with a red solo cup raised high in the air as he removed his arm from around BamBam.

"About time," Moon scoffed.

"The hell took y'all so long?" Jooheon asked, looking between all of us.

"These bitches," Ivin said while pointing at Aloni and Sana.

"Y'all look cute!" Yeji complimented, eyes lingering on them a little too long.

I always knew she was gay.

"Fine as fuck!" Dahyun smiled.

"Thank you," Sana giggled.

"Fuck that, where the drinks at?" Ivin asked, pushing her way through. "I am not trying to remember this night tomorrow and y'all bullshitting," she rolled her eyes.

"What are y'all drinking?" Aloni asked, surveying the counter full of alcohol.

"Everything," Jungkook answered. "But...y'all gotta start with two shots of Henny and two shots of the Casa. Just for a lil warm-up," he shrugged, smirking.

"I'm not drinking," Yuna shook her head.

"Girl, you not even supposed to be here. Hell nah you're not drinking," I told her.

"Shid, I am," Ivin laughed, grabbing a cup.

"C'mon, you're drinking too," Aloni smiled, nudging my shoulder as she went over to the counter.

I followed behind her and grabbed a cup as Jackson eagerly stood there with both bottles in his hands, my stomach turning at the thought of mixing my lights and darks.

But, I couldn't be a pussy.

If everyone else was doing it then so am I.

Period.

"Have y'all smoked too?" Aloni asked as Jackson poured her up.

"Uh, not yet. We can after y'all drink up," Vernon shrugged.

"Bet that up," Ivin nodded.

Together, the four of us downed our shots with no problem and then took another as one large group before starting to disperse from the kitchen.

"Are you smoking with us?" Aloni asked me as they all prepared to go outside.

"Uh...I'll go out there with y'all. I'm not smoking," I shook my head.

"That's fine. Come on"

She grabbed my hand as we transitioned from the kitchen to the backyard which was less stuffy than the house but also seemed to hold a good amount of people to the point it was starting to become packed.

But, I ignored the strangers and focused on my friends as they circled through two blunts, everyone's sobriety leaving the minute the first one had been smoked up.

"High as fuck and horny as hell," Aloni slurred, stumbling over to me.

"Be so forreal," I rolled my eyes.

"I am. I ain't seen Mingi all night and like girl...where you at? I'm tryna get pregnant," she mumbled, scrolling on her phone.

Before I could even respond to that bullshit, Hotel Room Service but Pitbull started to blare from inside the house and everyone outside screamed out of pure excitement before running inside to get to the dance floor.

Me included.

Unfortunately.

"Why you so stiff?!" Ryujin frowned.

"Could you not?" I blinked.

"Loosen up a bit, mama. Shake them hips!" Jihyo encouraged.

"We at the hotel, motel, holiday inn!"

Taking Jihyo's advice, I loosened up a bit and swayed to the beat while dancing with Aloni who was having the time of her drunken life.

"Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room!" she sang along.

"You can bring your girlfriend and meet me at the hotel room," I smiled, white girl dancing with her and a few others.

It was fun.

Until I felt a foreign grip on my waist that was completely unwanted.

"Who the-SAN?!"

He offered me a small smile while his hands remained on my waist, fingers lightly tracing shapes on my skin.

"Don't let me stop you," he spoke, a glazed-over look in his eyes as he looked at me.

"Are you drunk?" I asked, suddenly struggling to swallow.

"A lil buzzed. Not drunk. I'm pretty sober compared to half of the people in here," he laughed, eyeing the surrounding dancing bodies. "You here by yourself?" he frowned, focusing on me.

And I wish he wouldn't.

I wish he would leave me alone and go about his business doing whatever San does.

"No, I'm here with my cousins and Yuna and Sana," I forcefully answered, trying to be nice.

"I'll have to say hi," he smiled.

"Well, Aloni is right there so, go ahead," I stepped aside, gesturing to her as she danced carelessly.

"I'll be right back"

He made his way over to Aloni and immediately struck up a conversation, my mood souring as I watched them interact.

I know she said whatever they had was short-lived and pretty much over now that she's devoted to Mingi and him only but, I couldn't help but to hold a tiny grudge. Even if I was devoted to Mark.

He'll always be number one.

But, it was something that deeply bothered me seeing my cousin and my ex, whom she started to sleep with, carrying on as friends while I stood here not even wanting to talk to him. Did I expect her to do the same? Was I jealous? But, why would I be?

I have Mark. And I'm happy with him.

Right?...

"You alright?"

I looked away from the conversing pair to see Jun weirdly staring at me as he waited for an answer.

As if San wasn't enough.

"I think I just need another drink or two," I lied.

"Well, I was heading to the kitchen so...if you wanna tag along...," he shrugged.

"Sure," I smiled.

Together, we left the crowded "dance floor" and re-entered the kitchen that was now a complete ghost town. We didn't exchange too many words. But, it wasn't awkward. It was more comfortable than anything. He poured us both a double shot of Pink Whitney, we silently cheered, gulped down the liquid together, and then went about our night.

He left and I stayed to pour another shot.

And after discarding my cup after the refill in alcohol, I felt recharged. Drunkenly recharged.

It was great.

"The hell did you go?" Aloni frowned as I stepped back onto the dance floor.

"Grab another shot!" I yelled over the Lady Gaga song blaring.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine!" I assured, throwing a quick thumbs up.

"If you need anything let me-"

A tall giant by the name of Mingi emerged from the depths of Hell and threw himself all over my cousin, my mind only imagining what he was whispering to her before they both left the floor with all smiles and a pep in their step.

Well...

Let us pray for no pregnancy tests tonight.

"Wish that was you, huh?"

 "Get out of my ear, Jungkook," I shoved him off of me.

"You need to have some fun," he shrugged, sipping from his cup. "You been acting like a buzz kill all night and why? Somebody pissed you off?" he asked.

"Nobody pissed me off. I'm just vibing," I defended.

"Your face says it all, bro...," he blinked, his stare blank as he looked at me.

"Oh my God...," I groaned, growing annoyed as he just kept bothering me.

"You better thank God 'cause here comes San. I'll leave you two alone," he smirked before disappearing into the crowd.

The torture never stops.

But before I could turn around to send Mr. Choi on his way, Agora Hills started to blast through the surround sound system and I don't know if it was the alcohol in my system, the dark blue lighting that illuminated the room, the second-hand smoke from outside, or a mixture of everything but, it had me ready to dance.

With anybody.

"Sorry about-"

"You wanna dance?" I immediately asked him.

His eyes went wide for a bit before returning to their normal state as a small smile tugged at his lips while he nodded.

"Yeah"

I grabbed his hand and led him to a more open space on the dance floor and immediately stationed him behind me as I started to sway to the song, lost in the alcohol pumping through my system.

So...9:30?...I'll see you there. No, you hang up...you hang up

His hands softly gripped my hips through my jeans, his hips matching the slower pace of the song as he ground into me. And I hate to say it but...

I was enjoying it.

A little too much.

My hands found his wrists as I slowly started to bend over and be more purposeful in the way I was moving. If I was going to enjoy this then why not go all out? You know?

His nails started to dig into me since I could only assume he was holding himself back from doing anything considering we were in a public space and, again, I don't know if it was the alcohol or the song but I wanted to see just how far he would hold out. So, without thinking, I turned around to face him just to see how badly he was fighting.

You can hit while they watch, boy

We locked eyes as my arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer.

"I thought you were with Mark," he smirked.

"I am," I nodded.

"Then why aren't you dancing with him? Why are you with me?" he raised an eyebrow, the cockiest expression on his face.

It made me mad.

And oddly turned me on.

"We're just dancing, Choi. Don't get too confident," I rolled my eyes.

"I know you, Donavon. I had you first. I know when you want me to fuck your brains out," he confidently spoke, turning me back around.

"And I can tell you want me just as bad as I want you right now"

Rub it in their face, put a rock on her hand

His right hand snaked from my waist to my neck, fingers adding just the slightest bit of pressure as his mouth latched onto my skin from the left and teeth began to carefully breach my skin in the best way possible.

This was wrong.

I'm with Mark.

But it felt so damn right.

"He could never replace me," he mumbled against my skin, purposely biting down hard enough to drag a sound out of me.

"He did," I swallowed thickly.

"If he did...you wouldn't be here," he smiled, kissing the shell of my ear.

My stomach swirled out of a plethora of emotions as a smile made its way onto my face out of my own will, my left hand intertwining with his.

He continued to abuse my neck to his heart's content as the song continued and then ended, some rap song now blaring that shifted the mood immediately.

"Donavon!"

I jumped away from San as we both turned behind us.

All the color drained from my face.

"M-Mark...hey," I awkwardly smiled.

"I've been calling you all night. What were you doing?" he frowned.

And as if the night couldn't have been worse, the lights turned from dark blue to a frenzy of bright colors that, no doubt, highlighted the hickeys on my neck.

But that was only judging from the veins popping out of Mark's neck along with his jaw that was clenched so tight his jawline was the sharpest I've ever seen it.

"Me and you. Outside. Now," he snarled.

"Oka-"

"He doesn't have to go anywhere," San interjected while holding me stationary.

"I'm not talking to you. You shouldn't even be anywhere near him," Mark rolled his eyes, patience wearing thin incredibly fast.

"He asked to dance with me so, now what?" San smirked.

My eyes widened just as Mark's eyes fell on me.

If only the ground could just swallow me alive right now.

"Is he lying?" he asked me, tongue poking his cheek.

God, he looked so fine right now but I'm in trouble so I can't but good lord.

He was so smart to go blonde.

"Answer the question, Donavon," he blinked.

"I did ask him to dance, yes," I nodded, voice shaking just a tad.

"Why?"

I don't know.

"It was the song, I swear. I don't have any feelings towards him, Mark," I assured him.

"Could've fucking fooled me," he spat.

"Dude, it's okay. You stole him from me and I just returned the favor. It's alright," San nodded, not helping in the fucking slightest.

"Please shut up," I begged him.

He just laughed as the song changed yet again, the lights lowering to a dark purple.

I didn't recognize what was playing.

But it sounded slutty. 

"Come on, Donavon," Mark said, hand held out for me to grab.

"Let's dance"

San audibly growled from next to me but I ignored his tantrum and took Mark on his offer.

He led me away, but not without sending a certain look San's way, before we were placed closer to the front door and far away from Mr. Choi. There weren't any words exchanged. He simply placed me in front of him as he took the lead and swayed us to the beat, hands clutching my wrists as he brought my hands above my head.

"How could let him taint you like this?" he suddenly asked, voice low and calm as he whispered in my ear.

"I was caught up in the moment. It didn't mean anything," I shook my head.

"But it means something to me," he emphasized. "You're my boyfriend. Not his. You shouldn't have been anywhere near him. You know how I feel about him. And you just disrespected our relationship and for what? An ex that cheated on you?"

I felt horrible.

Truly, I did.

I wasn't gonna sleep with him. I had enough sense intact not to do that and go that far. But, even dancing with him was something I shouldn't have done. Mark was right. I was with him. Not San.

And I completely walked all over that.

"I understand if you want to break up or take a break. I'm really sorry," I told him, my body now turned to face him so I could look him in the eye. "I don't have anything left for him, Mark. We're done. We've been done the minute he cheated on me. I just...I let the alcohol do all the talking for me. And I know that's not an excuse but, honestly. I...I felt a lot seeing him again," I confessed.

"You still have feelings for him, Donavon," he concluded, face stale and eyes blank.

"No, I-"

"And it's okay. Yall were whatever yall were for quite a long time. Well before I was in the picture. Just don't string me along and tell me you're focused on me but you're letting your ex give you hickeys because you're drunk," he cut me off, air-quoting once he got to drunk.

"Cousin!"

With a heavy sigh, I turned around to see Aloni frolicking over to me with a smile on her face and looking completely different than when we walked in.

She was tore up.

"Girl, what the fuck happened to you?" I frowned, confused and intrigued.

Clearly her night was going better than mine.

"I got double-teamed," she grinned.

"By who?" my jaw dropped.

Just then, Mingi and Jackson came down the stairs side by side with smiles on their faces as they dapped each other up.

"You didn't...," I gasped.

"I did," she nodded, proud of her little endeavor.

Jackson then disappeared into the crowd heading towards the kitchen while Mingi walked over and gave her a back hug.

"You're coming back to my place, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking up at him.

"Good"

He smirked while pushing some of her hair out of her face.

"Yunho wants in on the fun too"

A devious grin spread across her face as I watched the entire interaction with my jaw on the ground.

"Can we smoke beforehand? I like him a lot when he's high," she told him, eyes turning ten times darker just talking about it.

What kind of shit?...

"Anything for you," he winked.

And then, with a quick kiss goodbye, he was on his way and disappeared into the sea of people.

"I love him so much," she giggled, focusing on me again.

"You two are freaky. As fuck. You should be ashamed," I teased, shaking my head.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Mark hasn't dicked you down yet," she assumed while looking me up and down.

And then my sour mood returned.

"I don't even wanna talk about it," I mumbled.

"What happened? Where is he?" she frowned.

I turned around to find him gone and looked around in the vicinity to see if he had lingered away but after confidently determining he had disappeared from the room entirely, I turned back to her with a heavy sigh and the sudden urge to cry.

"I fucked up. Bad"

"Fuck did you do?" she asked, adjusting her top and showing off the dark hickeys all over her brown skin.

"I danced with San," I confessed.

Her eyes went wide.

"You...Donavon...," she gasped. "Why? How? When did you even see him for that to even have transpired? 'Cause when he stopped talking to me he was looking for you," she frowned.

"He ran into me before you," I rolled my eyes. "I was actually the one to point him in your direction. Then I ended up taking a shot with Jun because I got jealous seeing yall talk. Then I came back and everything started to settle in my system. And, of course, Agora Hills came on and so I asked him to dance with me," I recalled.

"You got-nevermind that. What happened when yall danced?" she asked.

"He gave me these hickeys and was just talking shit. Apparently, I had the bedroom eyes and I'm sure if we had danced anymore I probably would've ended up somewhere with him," I huffed, growing upset at the thought.

"Oh my God...," she shook her head. "So, after he gave you the hickeys, I'm assuming that's when Mark came and saw them and now he's pissed," she concluded.

"Very. He might not want anything to do with me after this," I nodded, chest growing hollow at the thought of breaking up with Mark.

But I couldn't ask him to tough it out if what I did really hurt his feelings.

I wouldn't forgive him if the roles were reversed.

So, I won't ask the same.

"Damn, cousin. You need to handle your liquor a little better. Not be so horny," she lectured, a disappointed look on her face. "But, let me work my magic and talk to him. Just don't do anything else stupid tonight. Please. I can't talk you out of two situations," she mumbled.

"You sure? I'm sure Mingi probably waiting on you somewhere in this house," I looked around.

The house was huge.

It's like a maze or something.

It was crazy.

"He's out in the back smoking with Vernon, Jackson, and Yunho. He'll be alright," she waved off.

"You trust all your niggas...whom you've had sex with...to smoke together at a party after two of them just had sex with you and the other is planning to...you're alright with that?" I frowned, making sure I wasn't crazy.

I wouldn't trust Mark and Mingyu in the same room.

Less alone Mark and Jun.

She was insane, truly.

"Donavon...when you acquire the pussy power that I possess...nothing really worries you," she said as smug and confident as ever. "Mingi is my boyfriend. Jackson was a potential until he had a corny period. Vernon was the friend with benefits. And Yunho is Mingi's homie that he's cool sharing me with. And what does all that have in common?" she hummed, a goofy smile on her face.

"Enlighten me," I groaned, tired of talking to her at this point.

I love her down.

But her situation with Mingi confuses me to the point I don't even try anymore.

Honestly.

"Me," she said while pointing to herself. "And what is the running theme between me and all of them? That I have good pussy that they can-"

"Alright!", I yelled while heading towards the door.

"Where you going?!" she yelled after me.

"I'm catching an Uber home. I don't wanna be here anymore!" I yelled over the conversation of the other guests in the area. "I'll leave the door unlocked for the other girls and will text Ivin to let her know I left and that you're not coming home!" I assured.

"Okay! Share your ride with me so I can make sure you get home!"

I just threw up a tired wave as I exited the house.

"Will do"

Saturday, 11:30 AM

"Oh, Donavon...that looks really bad..."

I rolled my eyes at Rosé's comment while propping my phone back up on my pillow.

"I know. I get sick every time I look at it"

The next morning came as fast as the night left and while I slept pretty well despite the amount of liquor in my system, I woke up this morning sicker than I've ever been.

And I knew it wasn't from the drinking. So, I decided to confide in my best friend.

I was going to call Aloni but remembered the eventful night she and Mingi had planned and I would rather not answer the phone to see her getting her back blown out...again.

Horrific times.

"And did he say he wanted to break up?" Rosé asked, refocusing my attention. "Or did you put the idea out there after he had talked about how bad you and San hurt him?"

"I put the idea out there," I sighed. "I could see in his face how bad the whole thing affected him and I know if it had been the other way around, I wouldn't have even wasted time talking to him. I would've left and never talked to him again."

"Right...so, what're you gonna do? Have you thought about calling him today?" her eyebrows crinkled.

 I shook my head, "Aloni said that she would talk to him last night but I didn't hear from her outside of when she made sure I was home and alright. I was gonna call her first but...she and Mingi had plans that I didn't want to interrupt."

"I see," she hummed. "Maybe you should call her. To at least see where you're gonna go from there," she suggested.

"Yeah...I'll call you if anything happens," I mumbled.

"Okay. Love you!" she squeaked.

"Love you too."

I ended the FaceTime before immediately clicking on Aloni's contact from my most recent calls and patiently waited as it rang.

It took about six times but, thankfully, she answered on the seventh ring with low red eyes, a bonnet on her head, and a grin on her face.

"Hey," she dragged out, voice deeper than normal.

"Are you functional?" I blinked.

"Indeed. I'm just exhausted and was about to go to sleep," she nodded.

"About to go to-nevermind. Did you talk to Mark last night?" I asked, teeth nibbling on my bottom lip.

"I did," she straightened up.

A tiny sigh of relief escaped me.

"And he said he doesn't want to break up. Nor does he want to take a break. But...he is really distraught about the whole thing. He wanted to cry while just talking to me about it. And I get it. I do. I cussed San out for him but you need to reach out to him too. Assure him," she spoke.

"Should I do that today or-"

"Today," she interrupted, video shifting as it sounded like someone plopped in bed or something. "You don't need to let this linger. At all. He'll really break up with you then."

"Okay. Thank you," I kind of smiled. "I'll treat you to a Target splurge whenever you get home and if you can walk when you get here," I promised.

"Imma be honest...," she sucked her teeth.

But I stopped her before she could even begin.

"I do not need to hear it. Save it for Dahyun. I'm about to call Mark," I nodded.

"Okay. Good luck," she saluted.

I clicked on Mark's contact without a thought, because I probably would've backed out, and it rang all of two times before he answered.

There was nothing but darkness.

"Hello?"

I swallowed down my nerves while starting to pick at my nails.

"We need to talk..."

It was silent for a bit before the sound of shuffling filled my empty bedroom space.

"Talk"

I nibbled on my bottom lip.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong. And highly disrespectful. I understand your frustration with me all the way and you're completely valid. Though I never meant to hurt you. Really, I didn't. I let my own jealousy take over and then I had one too many drinks and then I did something stupid and Mark I am genuinely so sorry for hurting you like that. I love you so much. I would never want you to feel what you're feeling right now. Especially cause of me. That's what makes all of this really hard for me."

"He was nothing. He meant nothing. I just thought maybe if I had gotten the last dance with him I would silently prove to Aloni that he still wanted me which is stupid because she didn't even want him. At least, not the way I once had. She just wanted dick while she and Mingi were going through a super rough patch. And once Mingi came back into the picture, she forgot all about him. But there was something about seeing them talking and carrying about as friends that pushed my buttons. I felt in competition with her when I shouldn't."

"And I know it's stupid. He's not half the man that you are to me and I'm so grateful to have you. You treat me like no other. You're there for me like no other. The list can go on. I can write an entire ten-page essay on why you're the best match for me as compared to everything else. But you already know that. I was the one who forgot. And I swear it'll never happen again, Mark. I'm so sorry, baby. I really am."     

Quickly, I leaned out of frame while desperately wiping my eyes before he could see me cry.

Not like he hadn't seen me cry before but...

Still.

It was a little embarrassing to be the one crying when I hurt his feelings.

"You don't have to hide your tears from me. I've seen you cry before"

"It's still embarrassing"

"Why?"

"Because I shouldn't be crying"

"Why not?"

"You didn't hurt me. I hurt you. If anybody should be crying, it should be you. It just seems a little selfish"

"That's a stupid take"

I rolled my eyes at his stubbornness.

"I'm not here to argue, Mark. I'm here to apologize for last night"

"And I accept your apology"

"But..."

"There is no but. LoLo didn't tell you?"

"She did. But...I'm sure you still want your space"

"Until those hickeys pass, yeah"

"That's fair"

"After that...we'll be okay. I appreciate you for reaching out and apologizing while you were much sober"

"Yeah...I love you"

"I love you too, sweetheart. I'll talk to you later"

"Okay"

Then he hung up.

And while I felt a weight lift off of me now that everything was over...

I still felt incredibly shitty.

"Welp...," I sighed, plugging my phone into the charger before closing my curtains and turning over to face the wall.

Nothing a quick nap won't fix.

But as soon as my eyes closed and I got super comfortable, my phone started to vibrate uncontrollably making me roll my eyes and toss the covers off of me.

This damn group chat.

"Jungkook, why are you calling?" Nayeon groaned, eyes closed as she looked into the camera.

"We literally don't ever call. It's over fifteen people in this damn chat," Ryujin grumbled.

"Just wanted to make sure everyone was alive and debrief the events of the party last night," he cheekily smiled, looking between those of us who did answer.

Which was just about everyone who went to the party.

Except maybe five or six people.

"We are fine, Jungkook," I blinked.

"That's not what I heard," he sang, smiling as he stared dead at me.

Oh God...

Here he go.

"What did you hear, Jungkook?" Jihyo rasped out, face not even in the camera.

"I heard there was drama and y'all know I love a little mess. Especially from this friend group. It's always something juicy and interesting," he dragged out. 

"You woke up everybody for nonexistent drama?" Moon blankly stared into the camera.

"But there was! Jackson told me!" he defended.

"And who did Jackson hear it front?" Ryujin cocked an eyebrow.

"Aloni"

My soul left my body as I disappeared out of the camera and stared at nothing in particular in pure shock.

No way.

No fucking way she told Jackson of all people.

He can't keep shit to himself.

"Jackon, fight back," Nayeon grumbled.

No, Jackson.

Don't fight back.

"I don't even know what he's talking about. I barely even remember last night," Jackson said, eyes closed as he talked. "And if something did occur then I definitely don't remember anything being said to me."

"So, in conclusion, Jungkook's lying as he always does," I nodded.

"Bullshit!" he laughed. "You're talking a lot for a fella that-"

"What the fuck are y'all calling for?" Aloni thankfully interrupted. "We just saw each other last night. Can we not have a day to recover before debriefing? Something that bad happened?" she cleared her hoarse throat.

"Just Jungkook on bullshit," Jun waved off.

"Y'all can suck my dick. I know what the fuck I heard. One fucker made another fucker upset cause he danced with a fucker that was supposed to be in the past," he vaguely spoke, my skin burning hot.

"Who are you talking about?" Moon asked, growing visibly annoyed.

"The three of them!" he pointed.

"Who?!" Yeji yelled.

"Donavon, Mark, and San bitchass"

I dropped the phone entirely as my hands covered my eyes and I took a moment to sulk in embarrassment.

Just can't ever have a good day.

"Jungkook, why are you lying on my cousin's name?"

"Jackson fucking told me after you fucked him and Mingi!"

"Woah!"

"You did what?"

"Bro, we did not fuck"

"Jackson! Are you serious? You showed me the video!"

"Jackson, bro. You're so fucking sassy"

"Wait the fuck a minute now..."

"Now suddenly everybody wants to lie cause I'm airing all the shit out"

"Jungkook...this is something we could've done on Sunday. Plus, I really don't care who is fucking who. Do you know how many of us in this group chat have fucked each other and it's water under the bridge? Who cares? We're adults"

"But then yall find out I pissed on someone and it's a hot topic for months"

"Well...yeah..."

"You urinated on someone..."

"Fuck off"

"Can we please get off this call now? I'm tired"

"Yes, see yall"

"Bye"

I left the call in a fury of emotions but couldn't even lock my phone before there was another group FaceTime between me, Jackson, and Aloni.

Can I please go to sleep.

"Yes...," I sighed.

"We did not tell Jungkook what happened. I promise," Aloni said.

"Yall...I really don't care. I just want to catch up on some rest. It's not that serious," I assured.

"But it's fucked up he aired your business out to the group chat like that. And I don't condone that. Joke or not," Jackson said.

"It's whatever. Are we done here?" I fought to stay awake.

"Call me when you wake up," Aloni mumbled.

"Are you coming back today or tomorrow?" I asked her, already getting comfortable.

"Probably Tuesday," she thought.

"Well damn," Jackson commented.

"How much fucking are yall gonna do? Yall see each other every single day," I pointed out.

"First of all, I'm taking her out," Mingi interrupted, spawning from absolutely nowhere. "And second of all, if I want to fuck her for twenty-three hours out of the twenty-four then I will. It ain't hurting anyone," he defended.

"Except for maybe her walls and insides," I said, half-asleep.

"I'm sure she's had worse," Jackson suddenly spoke making my lips suck in as I fought the urge to burst into laughter.

Now that was a read.

Got her good.

Get her again for me.

"Probably," Mingi agreed earning a gasp out of her. "Be honest, was there anyone worse than me? And be honest. It don't matter cause I got you now but...I'm curious."

"Worse than you?...probably your homie," she answered.

"Uh oh," Jackson mumbled.

"Which one? You've had three of them," Mingi said without a care in the world.

It honestly gagged me.

Cause how do you comfortably admit that kind of information?

"I'll tell you off the phone. Goodbye Jackson and Donavon," she suddenly rushed out.

"But I was curious too," Jackson sucked his teeth.

"Okay, well, we'll start another call. Let's just end this one so my cousin can sleep. He's had quite the last few hours," she defended.

That I had.

She didn't lie there.

"Bet. See you, Donavon. Hope everything works out," Jackson sent my way.

"I hope so too," I mumbled.

"Catch you later, bud. I'll take good care of your cousin," Mingi promised.

"I have no doubt," I nodded.

"Bye, Donavon"

I left the call with a sigh of pure relief as I turned my phone off and placed it on my nightstand, my body turning back towards the wall as I lay in dark silence.

Finally.

~

wc: 6000

(pinterest board link for the fits: https://pin.it/1NwRMYO)

[percontaion-points]

Client No 5 chapters 9 & 10

This book review contains discussions of SW; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 9

About twenty minutes into the movie, I lost track of the plot. The main actor had eyes that were so similar to Scott’s that a few times I had to look away from the screen. It really annoyed me that I couldn’t escape that man.

I find it difficult to believe that this lady has been working as a professional escort for years now. The first man to show her literally any ounce of affection leaves her a wreck. 

Zach was sitting on the couch, looking very uncomfortable next to Adam and Jamie who were making out like teenagers. My poor brother. 

I find it really hard to believe that not only does Zach LIVE with a pimp, but he also spends time around the literal escorts Todd employs… YET HE STILL DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ALLY DOES FOR A LIVING. 

“A misunderstanding? How can you accidently call someone a whore?” I spat out.

But you are a whore…???

But it was impossible to ignore, and it wasn’t saying anything that I didn’t already know.

Chapter 9 summary: Ally goes to the movies with her brother. This serves no other point, and I wish that it hadn’t been included in the book at all. 

She then goes to a party Todd is throwing to welcome Amy and Adam into the “family”. Zach is there, and I’ve said what I’ve said about his obliviousness. Ally uses the moment with some of the other girls to “offload” some of her regulars onto them, since she doesn’t do regulars. But she knows that the other girls don’t have the same rules as she does. 

She overhears Todd on the phone complaining about “I don’t give out their numbers, not even to family”, and has a feeling that it’s Scott. He confirms that it was, and says that Scott has booked her again. She tells him that she doesn’t want to see Scott, that he said some unpleasant things to her the last time they were together. Todd insists that it doesn’t sound like Scott, gives Ally Scott’s number, and tells her to work it out herself. 

She calls him, and tries to cancel their appointment. But he sweet-talks her into meeting up with him again, if only so that he can explain himself. 

After that, she tells Zach that she’s leaving, and starts to walk home. But on the way there, she ends up walking behind a guy who reminds her of her ex-boyfriend. So when she gets home, she has a nervous breakdown. 

Chapter 10

I would be seeing him tomorrow. Strangely, the sorrow in my chest lifted. Just a little bit, but it definitely lifted.

Chapter 10 summary: Ally goes to see a client that she only sees once a year. It’s a man who lost his wife four years earlier. He’d hired her on their anniversary the year after, because he hadn’t wanted to be alone. Ally had spent the entire night holding him as he’d cried and told her about his dead wife. The next year, Ally went back, and she’d read to him from his dead wife’s journal entries from when the two of them had first met. 

The previous encounters hadn’t been sexual, but this year, Ally got him off. But in like… the saddest way possible. She then broke her rule and kissed him on the lips, because he was simply so sad. 

As she goes home, she thinks that she’d like for him to become a regular. That they could do it, because they were both too broken from losing so much to love. 

She also can’t stop thinking about Scott.

And while I did enjoy this chapter, and it even brought a few tears to my eyes, it seemed more than a little out of place with the tone of the rest of the book. It’s been so playful and sexually charged. But this? What is this? Why?

[sunset-snekromancer]

Yes, Murder Dimitri could snap me like a twig and that's g r e a t but have you considered 

I missed my big anxious softie???

[vivi-taylorsversion]

Imagine Being Diego Hargreeves Teenage Daughter & Finding Out About Your (Alleged) Brother, Stanley...

WC: 656

You were currently sitting at one of the many wooden table in the lobby of the Hotel Obsidian with your father, and uncles, Klaus, Luther and Five. Five was ranting about something to do with doppelgangers, at least you thought. To be honest, you didn't care as the matter didn't concern you all that much- as far as you knew. That's when your dad suddenly had a look of confusion and shock upon his features and, before anyone could question him or his odd behaviour, he fled from his seat and hurriedly dashed from the room.. Bewilderment evidently took over your features, what on earth has caused your dad to go from a state of calm and conteness to one of fluster and panic? Your uncles paid no mind to it, listening intently to Five and his ramblings.

Soon after everyone departed, going off to do whatever they wished, you took off in search of your father. You shuffled awkwardly out of your seat and followed the same way Diego had gone fifteen minutes ago, give or take. Finally the elevator doors slid open to reveal both a familiar and an unfamiliar face. One being your dad, pale and perplexed, the other being a child, seemingly around 12. The ping! of the elevator door alerted Diego and the boy of your presence and they turned to look at you. The boy's face contorted into a grimace, appearing to be disgusted by your presence, whilst your dad's remained the same.

"Uhm... Dad? Who's the.. uh.. kid?" you enquired.

" (Y/N), this is... your brother, Stanley." he hesitantly replied.

A look of horror flashed across your face, in your midst of shock you call out,

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"

☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎

"Christ... what a dump.." Stanley murmured grumpily while the two of you scooped the mediocre hotel food onto your porcelain plates, you gave him a quick glance of annoyance before moving on.

"That little delinquent is your son?!" Your uncle Klaus wheezes out, amusement laced into his voice.

"Allegedly, my son." your father chimed in, hastily correcting your giggling uncle.

"Oh, is that what you said about me as well?" you called out, overhearing their little exchange. You moved to sit beside the two whilst Stanley sat by himself, wasting no time in stuffing his face.

"No, you were different!" he huffed "I knew you were my daughter!" You raised your eyebrow quizzically, questioning how he knew this for definite. Catching on rather speedily he murmured,

"I did a DNA test when you were little, I don't know how on earth I'd get a test ,that determines whether or not that little shit is my son, right now."

Seemingly out of nowhere, your Uncle Five appeared. He had somehow known about your fathers (alleged) and had a rather significant query relating to the situation.

"Wait- who's.. who's the mother..?"

"Lila.'" your father deadpanned, you proceeding to a spit take.

"THE CRAZY BITCH WHO LITERALLY TRIED TO DECIMATE OUR WHOLE FAMILY BARELY TWENTY-FOUR AGO?" you were only met with an eye roll from your father and a mutter of agreement from Klaus.

"Lila's here?!" Five exclaimed, ignoring the scene you had just created.

"Was," your dad replied, once again having to correct one of his brothers "she dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted."

"Again, is that how you described me?"

Your father, once again, ignored you and you stood up, becoming bored with the conversation, joining the preteen boy at his table. He looked you up and down before returning to his food. You began a lousy, disengaging conversation with the boy.

☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎☻︎☺︎︎

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" you cried out, exasperated.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, the heck is going on here?" your dad said, stepping between you and Stanley, grabbing both of your wrists. Big mistake. The two of you simultaneously began screeching over each other, having wildly different explanations for the current situation. Your voice eventually powered over Stanley's voice and your father was able to grasp a simple explanation of the outburst.

"He stole my favourite shirt!!"

Oh god, this was only the start of the sibling drama...