#I love Summer n Morty they r so cute

[jebtruther]

Happy new years lol have some Rick and Morty shitposting bc I recently got into it thank you dad

[soldateins]

Down with the Alien Sickness

Rick Sanchez x Female Reader Hurt/Comfort Oneshot

I deleted my account last year and I remember how much people loved this fanfic so, I'm posting it again <3

Summary:

Basically, I'm really sick. I can't talk or anything. So, I decided I'd write my first ever R&M fanfic! Where OC is sick but it gets worse in a way that you'd not expect (hopefully!) I hope I write Rick well. He can be slightly out of character but... He's nice sometimes in it which is MEGA OOC for Rick. I also hope it's pretty good anyway, I haven't written in about a year so, holy shit. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Sickness, OC gets ill with something, panicking, Rick bring Rick, it's also fluffy and cute at the end - Word count: 2,957

It had been a few days since I'd come home from college sick. Rick forced me to have the past 4 days off and despite my protest, the true look of concern on his face made me follow his advice. He even 'advised' (forced) me to stay at the Smith household, sharing his surprisingly comfortable but small camper-bed with him. Luckily, Beth and Jerry didn't seem to mind, due to Rick doing a 'good deed' in Beth's eyes. In my eyes, it was Rick finding any excuse to have me near him and by the looks Summer gives Rick, the smirk and raising of an eyebrow, she knew it too. I'll admit it, we have a.. 'thing', we just don't really talk about what the 'thing' is - And I find him more than good looking, but I just don't want Beth to find out, y'know, age gaps and all.

Anyway, I'd been sick for a few days, and it was only getting worse. Rick told me it was the common flu, but he had no idea how my stomach had felt, and today was the worst day, by far. I'd spent most of the day lying in his bed, groaning. Quickly, I rose from Rick's camper-bed, suddenly needing to cough something up. Wrapping the thin green duvet around my shoulders, I barged through the door with my shoulder and bolted it to the bathroom.

I slammed the door, threw the duvet to the floor and knelt over the toilet. Shuddering and retching, I heard a gentle knock on the wood of the door, "Uh, Y/N? You- You okay? You don't sound uhhh- okay." Morty's voice whined it's way through the wood. I gagged, and my eyes widened as I brought up the weirdest looking neon green goop that I'd ever seen. I immediately felt relief, gasping for breath, "Yeah.. Uh.. I'm okay now. I think. You can come in, Morty." I shivered as Morty slowly opened the door.

He emitted a slightly unsettled whine as we locked eyes, "I- Ho- Holy shit, Y/N. What the fuck ha- What happened to you? Did- Did Rick do something? Ar-Are you pregnant or?" Morty quickly grabbed the soft duvet and wrapped it around my shoulders tightly, helping me up to sit on the side of the bath. I pulled a disgusted face and scoffed, "I'm sick. I'm not pregnant, and no, Rick had nothing to do with this. Or at least, to me, it happened out of nowhere." Raising my hand with a pointing, shaky finger, I took a breath in, "Can- can you look at whatever the fuck I just hacked up into the toilet? It didn't look real."

Morty cautiously took a step toward the toilet bowl and leaned over a little to look, then immediately recoiled, eyes wide and hand over mouth, "OH! What the FUCK?! Oh, oh! What is- what is that- that green stuff?!" He leaned forward again for another look but looked away just as quickly. I began to panic, shifting as I shouted, "What?! You- What do you mean?! You should know! You sho- Should know, right?" Morty reluctantly took a photo, the first time was with flash, he cursed himself, then took another, flushed the toilet, and came back to me, a firm hand cupping my shoulder, "C'mon, Y/N, let me take you down to Rick."

We got to the garage door and that's when Morty patted my back and gave me his phone, "Here, don't let Rick look through my shit, okay? I've got homework to do." He waltzed his way back into the lounge. I sheepishly knocked on the door, hearing an annoyed grunt in response, "What now, Jerry? There's no serum that'll give you a *burp* a job." I smiled, shook my head, and took that as my cue to open the door, "It's actually me." I croaked, entering the cool garage, wrapping myself tighter in the duvet. Rick took a quick glance at me, "What's up, sweetie? You want some mo-eurgh cough sy- syrup?" His voice had immediately changed, he actually sounded nice, "I um.. Actually.. Morty said.." I trailed off, trying to keep my balance as a shocking pain wreaked havoc in my stomach, "Oh fuck, oh shit!" I pressed my hands into my stomach, falling to my knees with a painful thud, "Morty said you've gotta- gotta help me. He said- He said something's really wrong!" I strained as Rick turned so fast that he was right next to me as I hit the floor.

My breathing turned heavy as my eyesight went slightly fuzzy and green. Rick grabbed my waist, lifted me up like a baby, and held my face up to give it a good look, "Jesus Christ, what the fuck have you been doing, Y/N?! It was just a cold!" He dragged my almost completely limp body to his desk, pushed all of the stuff to the side and sat me on it, leaning me against the cold wall to which I jolted up and let out a horrific screech, "I don't like that! Too co- cold!" I fell forward, my head landing on his right shoulder, "OKAY! Okay, we won't uh- *burp* Won't do that then!" He lay me down on my side as he ran to get the duvet off of the floor and shut the door to the garage. I cried out in pain, "Rick! What's going on? I can't see! It- It- It's so painful!" I writhed on the desk, kicking my feet out violently.

"You can't see?! Oh my G-*burp*-od!" His voice was choked and high. I could hear Rick's shoes clicking around quickly as he came over, covered me in the blanket, and began searching for things around the garage. I rocked myself side to side, trying to settle myself until I felt Rick's arms wrap around my body, sitting me up and slipping me down onto his work stool. I felt the excruciating pain in my stomach as he set me down and emitted a loud scream, "Oh Jesus! Okay, Y/N! I'm gonna have to examine you, okay? You're gonna have to put up with this for a little longer!" Rick shouted over my raw yelling. I gritted my teeth as hard as I could, "Okay." I growled.

The garage door opened quickly, slamming against the wall, "What is going on in here?!" Beth shrieked. Rick didn't even turn around, "Beth. Honey. Not a good time." He spoke through a clamped jaw, I assume Beth looked at me because I heard her gasp "Oooookay.. Uh... Dinner will be on the table very uh.. Very soon." She left as quickly as she came. I began to lean into Rick's chest, losing consciousness, "No. Y/N. Stay with me. C'mon, sweetheart!" He slapped my face a few times and I felt him turn rigid as a deep aggressive growl erupted from my stomach and I began coughing that same sticky substance up onto his shirt, "Ohh shit." He shined a white light into each of my eyes, causing me to raspily howl, "Okay. Your eyes are all glazed over, red and bloodshot." I felt his fingers on my lips and he pried my mouth open, shining the light inside, "Eugh. Glowing sticky green mucus in the mouth. Mouth is also deep red in colour."

Suddenly a cold glass tube was scooped into my mouth and out again. I gave a guttural groan, "COLD!" Without thinking, my hand grabbed Rick's, tightly, he shouted out in pain, "Y/N. Let go.". I felt an inhumane scream ripple through my body as Rick grabbed me by the throat, "Let me go or I'll kill you." His breath was puffing against my face as he spoke and I felt my hand weaken, despite me not telling it to, "Thank you." He spat. His hands then returned to me, shining his light everywhere, "Your skin is grey. Each orifice is very dark and wet." His voice was calm as he poked and prodded, I, however, was becoming more frustrated, "Rick! I don't wan- wanna put up- up with this any- more!!" I sobbed, trying to tear myself away from him, unsuccessfully, "C'mon, shut up. Almost done."

I heard a lot of beeping and switches being flicked and buttons being pressed for a few minutes as Rick held one hand gently against my neck, just in case I tried to hurt him again. A few seconds later, Rick gave a quiet gasp, and made an almost guilty sounding 'damn it'. I then suddenly felt a very painful intrusion in my left thigh, "RICK!" I screamed, "It's for your own good, Y/N." He stated as I felt a thick string of aches flow through me.

Instantaneously, I started coughing and shaking, "Please let this work." I heard Rick mutter, as his arms wrapped around my body in a warm, tight embrace. My eyes moistened up and my sight slowly came back as I cried loudly, "Shh, c'mon now, it's okay, you're okay.." Rick whispered into my ear continuously until the shaking and coughing stopped and I was reduced to a heavy breathing, weak mess. Everything felt better. Well, my throat still killed and my nose was runny, but, everything else was completely gone.

I swallowed deeply, "Wh- What just happened?" I whispered. Rick didn't let go of me for a few minutes, "Rick?" I croaked, "I injected you with a serum that reduces what I think you had back down into the common cold. Luckily, it worked and I was right." His breathing was slow and heavy. With a sigh of relief and without a word, Rick took my right hand and hooked his arm around my waist. He helped me up and we left the garage.

"Hey Rick, Y/N! Wanna come an- an- an- and eat?" Morty called out from the dinner table that he and his family were sat at, "Uhh, we're good right now, Morty. Y/N needs time to recover from her si*burp*ckness." We continued walking to Rick's room. He carefully set me down on the bed, wrapping me in his duvet, "Wait here." He brought out his portal gun and left for another dimension, "Hmph. Okay then." I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth impatiently as I waited for him. After a few minutes, my phone dinged. It was a text from Rick: 'Hope ur OK, sweetie. Won't be long. R.'

I was leaned against the wall, peering around the most interesting room I would ever be in. After about 10 minutes, a portal opened up and Rick stepped out, with a small little blue person in a sort of delivery uniform, "This the place, Sir?" The person squeaked, "Uhp, Yeah. Ri*burp*ght over there." Rick pointed to the end of the camper-bed and a slightly odd, fleshy looking flat screen TV materialised in front of my eyes, "What the- the fuck? Rick?" I sat up, looking him right in the face, "Hey. Hey. Don't, don't say that around a Reeptipian, Y/N. They're one of the few alien races that actually understand those words." His voice was monotonous as he lifted his portal gun and it beeped twice, "Thank you, Sir." The little blue person hopped back on through the portal, but not before two giant boxes materialised on the floor, full of colourful packets of things that looked edible.

"I'm gonna say it again, what the fuck, Rick?" I tilted my head with raised brows, "Well excuuuuuse me for tryna surprise you and make you feel better!" He put his arms in the air, "What do you mean?" I asked, "Reeptipians have a thing for cinema and TV. They create the best TVs I've ever used, with interdimensional cable, and the best snack fooooods!" Rick opened the boxes and threw a load of stuff onto the bed before bouncing himself down onto it with me. I laughed at his enthusiasm and leaned my head against his chest as he pulled me close and turned on the TV.

"Oh, before I forget." Rick sat up, pulling a decently sized needle out of his coat, before taking off his mucus covered shirt and lab coat, "I- I- Please don't tell me that's for me!" I scrambled back against the wall at the top of the bed, "Nope. For me." Rick jabbed himself in the gut with it, letting out a rumbling growl, his legs kicking out slightly, "I seriously need to figure out how to vaccinate without injections." He pulled it out and threw it to the floor with a sigh. I watched him sit back, unsure of what happened, "Um, what was that?" I relaxed against the wall once again, "Didn't you hear me? It was a vaccination. Against that nasty shit that was all up in your system, sweetheart. Oh uh.. abo*burp*ut that." Rick's eyes were shifting from side to side.

My eyes narrowed, "What. What about it? That was the worst pain I've experienced so far." My voice was highly suspicious sounding as I stared at Rick, "Y'know that healthy alien cereal you had a few days back that uh.. You really liked and then had more of?" His lips pressed into a thin line and his demeanor was nervous, which is rare, "Yes. I do know it. The one you got me that tastes like strawberry. What about it? Spit it out." Rick scratched his head, "Funny thing. It's filled with alien bacteria that are beneficial for the aliens on the planet that I got it from. But.. It uh.. If a human ingests it.. It.. uh.. Tries to use your body as a host and kills and consumes you before moving on." He braced himself for me to kick off but, nothing came, and he opened his eyes, looking at me with trepidation. I blew a gust of air from my mouth that I was holding in, "Smartest man in the universe, huh? You get your girlfriend infected with some weird fucking alien bacteria?" I crossed my arms and then froze. Rick's eyes widened, "My what?" I began stuttering, "You're uh.. You- You're.." As I tried to search for a different word Rick interrupted me, "My girlfriend!" He laughed deeply, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me onto him, pressing his lips to mine.

I pulled away with a cough and Rick held my face in his big hands, tickling my jaw and making me giggle, "I'm sorry for not checking that cereal. It almost killed you." His eyebrows furrowed. I closed my eyes and inhaled his smell, I loved the muskiness mixed with a faint whiskey scent. I leaned into him, kissing his bare chest, "But it didn't. It fucking hurt, but it didn't kill me. Plus, aren't there other versions of me around? Do- do you know any?" Rick stiffened under me, "Well, yeah but.. They- they're not you. They're.. Different. In a bad way. I'd rather you not die no ma*burp*tter what, sweetie." He flipped through some crazy looking channels on the giant TV and settled on one, "I've checked over all of these candies by the way. They're safe. They won't try and eat you after you eat them." Rick gave a hoarse chuckle and wrapped his arms around my waist, his nails gently scratching the skin of my back under my shirt.

"Uh, Rick?" My voice came out very weak, "Hm?" He looked down at me, then back up to the TV, stuffing a few pink pieces of candy into his mouth. I hummed, "You uh- you wanna try some?" Rick lifted some of the candy up to my mouth, "Yeah, uh, sure." I smiled, letting him feed me some, "But uh, I have a question." I spoke with my mouth full, "Shoot." Rick shoveled more candy into his mouth, seemingly loving it, "Is this.. Is this thing we have.. More than a.. thing?" I looked toward the TV, not wanting to meet his intelligent eyes. He took a deep breath and I felt myself lift atop his chest.

Rick cleared his throat, "Uhm." I felt his fingertips tap against my skin whilst I began to internally panic, "Never mind. Shouldn't have asked." I quickly spoke but Rick shook his head, "Nononono! I- I- I didn't mean-! Fuck. I just.. You really- you really want that?" His voice wavered as he searched my face. I looked Rick straight in the eye and bit my lip, "Yes. I.. I want that. Do uhm.. Do you?" I lay my right leg over his thighs. Rick blinked a few times before answering, "I- Yeah. I want it too." I grinned, "Then I guess.. We're dating now?" Rick nodded with a smirk and gave my ass a squeeze, "I guess we are."

Rick filled his mouth with a different type of candy, it looked like glowing red rocks. I grabbed a handful and popped some into my mouth, they tasted very sweet, until they grated their way down my sore throat, I winced as the second piece of candy made my throat hot. I looked at the packet and there were flames all over it, "Ah! They're so hot!" I blew quick puffs of air out of my mouth, "It's okay, it only lasts until they're in your stomach." Rick patted my stomach with a smile. Rick's eyes shot toward the screen and he all of a sudden jolted, raising an arm, "Yes! Ball Fondlers, baby! This is the best TV show eveeer! Trust me, Y/N, you'll love this!"

And indeed I did love it. Well, until I fell into a deep sleep.

[vhvrs]

How does Wilbur interact with the rest of the family? Are they on good terms? Friendly?

VERY FRIENDLY wilbur's a pretty polite houseguest when they visit plus their curiousity with humans means they ask a lot of questions n try to actively engage with summer and morty especially (tiny humans! fascinating!) torn between them renting some hotel they stay at or crashing in a mini pocket dimension nearby but either way they dont overstay their welcome (aside from like. not knowing when to go home unless told to)

everyone definitely was thrown for a loop at first bc wilbur has a "30s at oldest" vibe (the beths were >:/) but it cleared up after finding out ow old they PROBABLY are

im not gonna place them on any specific point in the canon timeline so i cant say "theyre a positive influence on rick the family likes!" but thats a factor lol. space beth is the only one who doesnt really vibe w them due to actually knowing what they are on probably the same level as rick but can't pretend they arent also the child of a space villian. i wanna say jerry also is squeamish bc of the rick proximity n how much time morty n summer like to spend w them but he'd be too flattered by someone showing interest in his boring life . normie beth probably has them help with groceries. morty starts out very distrusting n nervous n comes around the longer they stick.

(i also toyed w wilbur having permission to fool around w jerry but hes got two wives now.) (wilbur being exclusive to only multiverse versions of the person they r dating is also cute to me)

but yeah. mostly they like doing stuff w the kids. they like taking summer shopping n trying food court food. they like playing video games w morty n going on errand adventures w him (or more like he asks them to help him make errands easier). they love doing boring mundane things :3

the smiths also do not know much direct information abt them n they dont usually provide any unless asked very specifically so theres nothing seedy to be bothered by as far as theyre aware (except for morty but again everything is meh after a while. they got him a switch from the dimension where everyones cats :3)

[codefluff]

Rick X Morty (Romantic): Crush

Morty looked over at Rick, smiling shyly.

"What do you want, Morty? You're giving me a w-weird look."

"Um... W-what was your first kiss l-like Rick?"

"What? Uh, it was alright I guess... We had no f#*^ing idea what we were doing. Well, that's a lie. I knew what I was doing, she didn't."

"O-oh."

Morty couldn't quite say why, but he felt a little disheartened to hear that she was a girl. He wasn't into guys, apparently.

"You look disappointed, Morty. What, you wanted more detail about our fun that night?"

Rick smirked.

"Uh no thanks!"

Rick's smirk faded.

"What's wrong with you? B-besides being Jerry's son."

He took a swig of his seemingly endless drink.

"... Rick? Do you have any romance advice?"

Rick almost choked on his drink.

"Really, Morty? I know you're a virgin and all, but Jesus Christ!"

"S-sorry... B-but you're so experienced, and I want your opinion...?"

Morty sounded unsure of what he wanted, but Rick didn't have the strength to say no to him.

"Fine. What's going on in the sad hole that is Morty's world?"

"I have... A crush on an older man..."

"Okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I had a crush on an older guy before."

"Really? But aren't you into girls?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm into everyone honestly."

"So you're... Pansexual?"

Rick nodded.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Huh... A-anyway, I don't think he will be interested in me..."

"Have you dropped hints?"

"H-hints?"

"Y'know, compliment him when he does something cool, thank him when he does anything to help you, hang around him a lot, so on."

Morty thought back to his adventures with Rick and looked up at him.

"What if I already dropped hints a-and he still doesn't notice...?"

"Then be more straightforward. Hold his hand or something. 'Accidentally' brush up against him, stuff like that."

"Oh, okay."

Days passed, and Morty told himself that this was the day. He was going to confess to Rick.

"M-Morty, come here, I need your help with this f%*^ing thing-"

There was a sound that resembled a small explosion.

"Uh... And bring a broom with you."

Morty chuckled a little, grabbing a broom and rushing down to the garage.

"Hey Rick, what was- oh geez."

Rick had taken off his coat, revealing his sweater underneath. It made Rick look... Really cute... Morty shook his head free of these thoughts and began to sweep up the glass shards, looking anywhere except in Rick's direction.

"Is there a reason you're not wearing your coat, R-Rick?"

"Ugh, yeah. I spilled a chemical on it. The last thing I need is another hole in my liver. Or any other part of my body besides my ass."

Morty snorted in amusement and instantly froze.

"Oh my God, MORTY DID YOU JUST SNORT?!"

Rick smiled, clearly holding back laughter.

"Uh... I... Well... Um..."

Rick finally calmed himself down.

"Eh, it's okay, Morty. I used to snort when I laughed, too."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I sounded like a hog, my God."

"Heheh."

"Are you laughing at me, Morty?!"

"N-nohohoho...."

Rick smirked playfully.

"Oh really? Well then, I'll give you something to laugh at."

He grabbed Morty, pushing the broom aside, and began tickling him.

"Waaaahahahahahahait! Rihihihihihick!"

After a bit of rough housing between the two, Morty hugged Rick.

"Thanks, Rick. You're the best. I love you!"

Morty froze, realizing what he just said. To his relief, Rick smiled.

"I love you too, you little goober."

He took it as a family thing. Well that could have gone better. Morty put his phone down when he heard Beth call for him.

"Coming Mom!" Rick entered Morty’s room while he was gone

. "Hey Mo-"

His eyes were instantly drawn to Morty's phone. It had just received a text from Summer. He picked it up and unlocked it. It said 'when r u gonna tell him lol' Looking at the beginning of the text history, Rick froze.

'OMG Summer help I think I have a crush on Rick'

Rick immediately began to search his whole phone.

"Morty... How long have you-"

"Okay Mom!"

Morty walked right into Rick.

"Oh hey Rick. What're you doing with my phone...?"

"You had an update..."

Rick sounded drained; his voice wasn't as energetic as usual.

"Uh... Okay cool thanks."

Rick handed him his phone and immediately made a beeline for the garage.

"Morty. Come in here."

"Rick, it's like midnight, can't it wait-"

"Get. In. Here."

"Okay, geez..."

Morty took one look at the computer behind Rick, and knew exactly what was going on.

"Rick... Is that my phone history on the computer...?"

"Yes. It is."

"You... You LIED to me!"

"So did you."

"Huh...?"

"Why didn't you tell me?! Morty!"

"I-I'm sorry! I thought-"

"No, Morty, you didn't. You didn't think."

“I-”

"You. It's all about you, isn't it?! That's what this is about! Think about someone else for once, Morty! THINK OF HOW I FEEL!!"

"..."

"..."

"Then tell me, Rick. Tell me how you feel."

Morty felt tears stinging his eyes, and sliding down his face, waiting for the inevitable rant of how wrong this love was.

"You don't deserve someone like me. You can do better than that."

Morty looked up in shock.

"What?!"

"I'm a disgusting old guy who drinks and tortures the family by existing. The only love I had was an alien entity that vomited in people's mouths to possess them. I was married to someone I hated. I failed to raise Beth. I failed Birdperson. I failed my parents. I... I failed you, Morty..."

"Rick... No. You haven't failed anyone. You're smart, funny, kind, and generous! Do you really think I just let you drag me on all these crazy adventures?! I love you, Rick, and I trust you. The real you."

Rick's eyes began to waver. He averted his gaze back to the computer, and read through everything that Morty said about him. His shoulders began to shake as his tough facade crumbled.

"R-Rick...?"

Rick began to sob, covering his face with his hands. Morty walked up behind him and rubbed his back.

"H-hey, hold on there Morty..."

"Yeah?"

"M-Maybe we should call it quits for one day, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess... I am kind of tired..."

Rick smiled gently.

"Well, you can sleep in here with me if you want."

"Sure."

They both laid down in bed, and Morty hugged Rick close, muttering sweetly.

"I love you..."

"I love you too, Morty."        

[the-mayor-of-space]

You want a whole bunch? D O T H E M A L L . . . jkjk 1-37, 45, 56, 89, 99, 103, 104, 108, 122, 125, 135, 147 + 148, 155-169, 171, 176, 195 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), 200

34: State visited:oh boy here we go

its a little weird that the asks are in reverse order in the post huh. i thought so at least.

the first part is all favourites so here we go

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? : see like look at this. question one is about how i answered all the questions i havent answered yet. the answer will be yes though, because otherwise whats the point.

2: Dog breed: i looked up a list of dog breeds because i dont know anything about them really and shelties are my new favourite kind of dog. at least aesthetically. [look at this doggo shes so good]

3: Comedian: dan avidan, gabriel iglesias, louis ck, various internet funnymen, etc.

4: Talk show host: tbh i dont think ive ever w=been a fan if talk shows.

5: Color: p u r p l e

6: Flower: every flower that has a pokemon character named after it.

7: Perfume: anything subtle enough to not send me to asthma-ville

8: Yankee candle scent: man lots of these are just things i dont know really anythign about huh

9: Radio station: mojave music radio ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᵃᶰʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ᵉᵛᵉᶰ ᶫᶦ�����ᵉᶰ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵃᶫ ʳᵃᵈᶦᵒ ˢᵗᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰˢ ᵃᶰʸᵐᵒʳᵉ﹖ ʰᵒʷ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵉᶰᵒᵘᵍʰ ᶦᶰᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ˢᵗᵃʸ ᵒᵖᵉᶰ﹖

10: Restaurant:  five guys, my dudes. that shits so good.

11: Food: all sorts of generic shit. pizza, pasta, poutine, suchi, you know the drill

12: Thing to cook: mmmm. im not honestly sure. i cook a lot of stuff but im not sure anythign in particular stands out as my favourite. i can tell you for certain it isnt griled fucking cheese. such a pain in the ass to cook and the customers always get upset that it takes so long and its like im fucking sorry that you have 3 goddamn children who all need grilled fucking cheeses instead of a food choice that isnt trash and it takes up the grill so i cant make food for any of our other 30 customers in line right now and we’re always out of fucking vegetables to give you on your plate to go with it jesus fucking christ

a job where i had to deal with customers all day was not well suited to a lowkey misanthrope like me.

13: Concert attended: tbh im not big on concerts. ive been to a few but its not my jam.

14: Beach: cannon beach in oregon is pretty great if i remember, but its been like 10 years since i went. also i didnt dislike beaches back then.

15: Day of the week: friday. because of course it fucking is. or monday/tuesday was pretty good when i was workign because that was my weekend

16: Book: the book thief was the last thing i read and particularly enjoyed so lets go with that

17: Magazine: i mean like i said with radios, magazines arent really a thing anymore are they? like i get that theyre technically still around but does anyone buy them? ive honestly never seen someone reading a magazine for anythign other than lack of proper reading material onhand.

18: Sport to play: eww gross.

19: Sport to watch: FOOBAW. ᶦ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ᵏᶰᵒʷ ᵃ ᵍᵒᵈᵈᵃᵐᶰ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᶠᵒᵒᵗᵇᵃᶫᶫ ᶦ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵉᵐᵉ⋅ ᶦ ᵈᵒᶰᵗ ᵗʰᶦᶰᵏ ᶦᵛᵉ ᵉᵛᵉʳ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰᵉᵈ ᵃ ᵍᵃᵉ ᵒᶠ ˢᵖᵒʳᵗˢ ᵃᶫᶫ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵃʸ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ⋅

20: Holiday: h a l l o w e e n ,   b a b y. i fuckin love to get s p o o k y

21: Theme park: there was this one waterpark i went to a handful of times as a kid, but i heard it got shut down recently.

22: Animal: i like cats and crows. i swear im not an edgelord, i just dont think about animals that much. ᵖᵒᵏᵉᵐᵒᶰ ᵒᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ʰᵃᶰᵈ⋅⋅⋅

23: Website: i was gonna say tumblr and then i realized i actually fucking hate this website

24: Movie: ive said it before and i’ll say it again. detective heart of america is the best goddamn movie of our modern era and i will fight anyone who disagrees dave

25: TV show: rick and morty yo

26: Grocery store: any of them? i heard the owner of one of the grocery stores in my town died recently so thats something. i also heard he was a dick though so whatever.

27: Clothing store: anywhere where i can buy stuff with space on it immediately becomes one of my favourites.

28: Band: lemon demon / neil cicerega, same guy. also ninja sex party.

29: Singer: ditto, dan avidan and neil cicerega

30: Actress: i kind of dont know any?

31: Actor: same deal. im not a particular of any of the ones i know in specific

32: Athlete: world famous pugilist: tommy ray handly

33: Cellphone provider: i mean im not partial to any of them. i use telus but also their internet isnt great sometimes.

34: State visited: oregon yo. that shits aesthetic af. for reference im canadian so ive only been to a few of the states.

35: President Prime Minister: new trudeau is new so he hasnt really done much yet but boy howdy is he a handsome chappie or what

36: Vehicle: i dont know a thing about cars.

37: Candy: starburst. toffee. caramel.im sure im forgetting lots.

on to the next bit, this part is miscellanious:

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: having my hair played with. i love it so much

56: Favorite web site: hey cool this is the same question as 23.

89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably @brannysweetnuts

well that was short. these next two are “the last time i”

99: Went to a movie theater: when i went to go see rogue one. it was good shit sassmaster robot is my favourite.

103: Hugged someone: like a week and a half ago. i think.

alright up next is “heres what i think about”

104: The future: probably its not gonna be much better than it is right now. i certainly dont have one.

108: Designer Clothes: tbh i kind of dont have any thoughts on them other than that they kind of seem like a waste of money?

122: War: im glad/lucky as fuck i dont have to deal with it. also a lot of them seem kind of pointless.

this part is “this or that”

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

135: Burried or cremated: i want you guys to take my skeleton and make it into a statue, put some cool sunglasses on me, and stand me up in a lobby/foyer somewhere. and failing that, cremate me and shoot the ashes into space. or better yet: put cool glasses on my skeleton and then shoot that into space.

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn, baby

148: Summer or winter: A U T U M N

these ones are “do you believe in”

155: Magic: nope

156: Orbs: of course i believe in orbs, i main zenyatta

157: War: i believe it exists. i dont believe its that useful most of the time.

158: Gay Marriage: oh come on, we all know the gays dont actually exist

r-right?

159: Ghosts: no :/ i wish they were real though that would be rad as shit. i love ghosts.

160: Soul mates: i hope

161: Horoscopes: no, but theyre still fun

162: God: nah

163: Hell: nope

164: Heaven: no

165: Aliens: yeah. but theyre probably super lame and single-celled. and even if they arent theyre way far away and itll be unrealistic to ever find them. the universe is a big fucking place my dudes.

166: Yourself: my biggest “ N O ” of all

167: Fate: i like to think the many worlds interpretation is true. but even if it is, we cant travel between timelines, so fate may as well exist.

168: Luck: rng exists, so yeah. thats what luck is.

169: Love at first sight: objectively not. thats physical attraction, thats not love. if you dont know the person at all youre not in love with them, theyre just cute.

ʰᵉʸ ᶦˢᶰᵗ ᶦᵗ ᶜᶫᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵒᶰᵉ ʷᵃˢ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶦᵗ ʰᵃᵈ "⁶⁹" ᶦᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶰᵘᵐᵇᵉʳ

this is the final stretch of questions. theyre miscellanious again. because talent.

171: Do you play an instrument? no. sometimes i pretend i can sing, but i cant do that either.

176: Last YouTube video watched: [this]

195: My shoe size is: i cant remember off the top of my head and i dont want to go downstairs to check.

200: My crush’s name is: uhh. this is pretty bad, but im actually not sure how to spell it.

admittedly, norwegian names are tough. we can all agree on this.