#I love how absolutely normal all of this is to him

[murdertrashbabyrat]

Eddie confesses his love for Steve who very awkwardly explains he’s straight and not into him like that. Eddie is surprisingly okay with this, like he didn’t expect anything else, claiming he just wanted to tell him so he knew how loved he was. That sentiment does things to Steve but he doesn’t really know what, just knows it makes him warm and almost wish he wasn’t straight just so he could accept all the love Eddie clearly has to give. At first Steve thinks they’ll go back to normal and they kind of do, now with the shadow of Eddie’s love peeking through but not a hinderance, until Eddie tells them he’s going on a date with a cute guy and Steve? Steve sees green. Had no idea he was even capable of being this jealous but suddenly he realizes that lingering bad feeling has been regret. He regrets turning Eddie down, he regrets not taking what was his when he had the chance, he regrets not realizing he isn’t straight fast enough. Steve does his absolute best not to speed on his way over to Eddie’s and is so relieved to see him through his window still home. He practically stumbles into the house in his haste.

“Don’t go on that date,” Steve says before the door even closes behind him.

“Why?” Eddie asks in complete confusion.

“I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?”

“I didn’t know I loved you.”

“Oh.”

“Do you…did you stop loving me?”

“Never.”

“Then don’t go on that date.”

“Canceled. You’re serious?”

“Come here please,” Steve says and draws him into his arms.

When Eddie kisses him he truly doesn’t understand how he could have ended up anywhere but here, like this, with someone he loves. Someone who loves him back.

[cressidagrey]

White Horse - Chapter 35: October 2024 - Part 2

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Isabelle Leclerc (Original Character)

Summary:

Max Verstappen is a World Champion. Isabelle Leclerc is invisible.

She watched her family give up everything for Charles’ career—Arthur’s karting, their father’s savings, even her childhood horse. She understood. She never asked for more.

But Max does. He notices the things no one else does, listens when no one else will, and puts her first in ways she never imagined. With him, she isn’t an afterthought—she’s a choice. And for the first time, she realizes she doesn’t have to be invisible.

Warnings and Notes: 

we have now moved on from Charles bashing to bashing his whole family, Discussions of toxic past relationships, talk about loosing a childhood pet, toxic families, mention of the loss of a parent.

As always big thanks to @llirawolf , who listens to me ramble

The first time Galahad was led out of his mother’s stall alone, Belle cried.

Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just… quietly. The kind of tears that surprised even her — warm and sudden and absolutely uninvited.

She stood just outside the barn, arms folded over the top rail of the paddock fence, watching as the stablehand gently led Galahad toward the adjacent enclosure. The foal pranced a little, all long legs and indignation, ears flicking in every direction as he let out a confused, reedy whinny.

“God,” Belle whispered, swiping at her cheek. “This is awful.”

Behind her, Max paused with two bottles of water hand and the unmistakable look of a man deeply unsure how to proceed.

“…You okay?” he asked, cautiously.

Belle sniffled. “He’s so small.”

“He’s the size of a sofa.”

“Emotionally, Max.”

Max came to lean beside her, handing her the water. “They said it’s a gentle wean. He’s already eating hay. It’s time.”

“I know it’s time,” she said, taking a sip. “I’m not arguing with biology. I just—he’s confused. Look at him. He doesn’t know where his mum went.”

Max squinted. “He looks like he’s trying to eat his own lead rope.”

“That’s a trauma response.”

“Belle.”

She wiped at her face again. “It’s just… she was so gentle with him. Fleur nudged him whenever he got stuck. She waited for him. And now she’s just back in her stall like—like nothing’s changed.”

Fleur, from her stall, let out a soft exhale and proceeded to dunk her hay in her water bucket like a seasoned professional who had zero emotional attachment to this conversation.

Max followed Belle’s line of sight. “You think she’s heartbroken too?”

“I think she has to be.”

There was a long pause.

“Do you want me to go in there and ask her?”

Belle gave him a flat look. “You’re not funny.”

Max grinned and bumped his shoulder against hers. “A little funny.”

They stood in silence a while longer. Galahad, still pouting, eventually flopped himself dramatically into the sunniest patch of the paddock. Belle sniffled again.

“It’s stupid,” she muttered. “I know it’s normal. I know it’s healthy. I’m just—”

“Wired for attachment,” Max said gently. “And watching someone you love grow up is hard. Even if they’re a four-legged menace who tried to eat your ponytail last week.”

Belle gave a watery laugh.

Max wrapped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. “He’ll be okay.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “But I think part of me just keeps waiting to be sold too.”

Max froze for a second, then held her tighter. No teasing now. Just warmth.

“You won’t be,” he said. “Not ever.”

Belle leaned her head against him, watching as Galahad stretched out and blinked lazily at the sky.

“Okay,” she whispered. “But I’m still going to check on him every hour.”

Max pressed a kiss to her hair. “Of course you are.”

And when they turned to go back inside, Galahad lifted his head and let out the tiniest, most indignant whinny — like he knew.

Belle looked back, teary again.

Max sighed. “He’s manipulating you already.”

“I’m not even mad about it.”

***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Emilie Abadie

Max: just so you know your best friend cried today like. actual tears.

Emilie: omg what happened?? is she okay??

Max: she’s fine Galahad got weaned he got moved out of fleur’s stall apparently this is emotionally devastating

Emilie: 😭😭😭😭 OH MY GOD

Emilie: she loves that horse he’s like her softest secret

Max: he tried to eat a fence she said he was “processing loss”

Emilie: he IS have you ever been weaned?? it’s betrayal with extra hay

Max: please stop i can’t have two of you

Emilie: don’t lie you’d die without us

Max: also she looked me dead in the eye and said “i think she has to be heartbroken too” about fleur the mare who was dunking hay in her water bucket like nothing happened

Emilie: she projects, max. let her project.

Max: i think she meant herself

Emilie: oh.

Emilie: okay. gentle reminder: your wife still has a lot of little versions of herself inside. some of them are scared. some of them remember what it felt like to be left behind.

Max: i know. i told her she’d never be sold.

Emilie: you did good she trusts you even the small versions of her

Max: she’s going to check on the horse every hour

Emilie: duh have you MET her

***

Max had been up before sunrise.

Not for training. Not for the simulator. 

No.

Max had woken early for one reason: to beat every Monaco tabac owner to the punch and buy every copy of the October issue of Architectural Digest that he could find.

By 7:43 a.m., he had five.

He wanted more, but the man behind the counter at the third shop had blinked at the stack in Max’s arms and said, “Monsieur Verstappen, surely… five is enough?” Max had mumbled something about resale value and legacy and fled.

By 8:15, he had also acquired croissants (three kinds), pain au chocolat, two fresh baguettes, and a little paper-wrapped wedge of Belle’s favorite cheese from the bakery that always sold out early.

He walked into the kitchen like he was presenting her with the spoils of a victory parade.

Belle, still in her robe, blinked sleepily over her mug of tea. “What’s all this?”

Max placed the magazines on the counter like precious artifacts. "You're in Architectural Digest, schatje. That’s not a normal Tuesday."

Belle stared. “You bought five copies?”

Max shrugged, unrepentant. “One for us. One for the baby’s memory box. One for my mother. One for the factory. One just to frame. I would’ve bought more but they started asking questions. So I just ordered them online.”

She laughed—soft and stunned and already a little emotional. “You’re ridiculous.”

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m so proud.”

And then, gentler: “You don’t just make houses beautiful. You make them live.”

Belle bit her lip and looked down, suddenly shy. “You read the article?”

Max smiled, already pulling out the jam. “Twice.”

And just like that, the kitchen felt a little fuller—with joy, with pride, with quiet, croissant-scented love.

***

ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST | October 2024 Edition

A Villa That Breathes: Inside the Thoughtful Transformation of Daniel Moreau and Jules Girault’s Provençal Refuge By Laurent Brousset | Photography by Sylvie Hohmann

Nestled on a winding hillside just beyond the edge of Monaco’s old town is a villa that feels like a held breath — slow, serene, and completely alive.

From the outside, the property gives little away: stone shutters, terracotta roof tiles, a fig tree bowing gently toward the sun. But inside, a story unfolds — of time, of tenderness, of architecture that doesn’t erase history, but cradles it.

And at the heart of that story is Belle Verstappen, interior architect and founder of Studio_B.

The Soul of a House

“When we bought it, the bones were beautiful — but tired,” says Jules Girault, who owns the home with his husband, creative executive Daniel Moreau. “We didn’t want to gut it. We wanted someone who could see what it had been and help us understand what it could be.”

Enter Belle Verstappen.

Known for her ability to design with emotional resonance rather than trends, Verstappen took on the project as her first full commission under her own name.

“I walked through the house once and knew,” she says. “This wasn’t a place that needed reinventing. It needed remembering.”

Quiet Luxury, Lived In

From the original tiled floors to the weathered beams overhead, every decision in the villa feels like it came from conversation — not just between client and designer, but between designer and space.

“I don’t like interrupting a house’s rhythm,” Verstappen explains. “I try to listen first. The textures, the light, the way a door creaks when it opens — it tells you what the house wants.”

That listening resulted in a home that whispers instead of shouts.

The plaster walls, finished in mineral-washed hues, shift color with the light. Custom shelves in the living room curve around the restored fireplace, filled with books and hand-thrown ceramics sourced from local artisans. The kitchen retains its original footprint but now hums with intentional design: a deep farmhouse sink set into hand-crafted cabinetry, limewashed walls, antique fixtures with softened patina.

Daniel, ever the aesthete, calls it “a masterclass in restraint.”

“There’s a version of this house that could’ve ended up looking like every other ‘minimalist Mediterranean’ villa,” he says. “But Belle didn’t impose a vision. She revealed one.”

The Courtyard, Reimagined

One of the home’s most striking spaces is the internal courtyard — once neglected, now transformed into what Jules calls “the soft heart of the house.”

“It’s quiet here,” he says. “Lavender, jasmine, the fig tree… it smells like memory.”

Verstappen kept the original stonework and introduced subtle landscaping: rosemary, thyme, and climbing vines that will age as gracefully as the walls themselves.

“It wasn’t about making it new,” she says. “It was about letting it grow.”

A Designer Coming Into Her Own

The villa marks a turning point for Verstappen — not just professionally, but personally.

“This was the first project I signed under my name,” she shares. “No firm. No studio initials. Just me.”

That transition wasn’t without weight.

“There’s a vulnerability in that,” she admits. “But this house gave me the courage. Jules and Daniel gave me the trust. And I think that’s what made the work stronger. It was personal — not just for them, but for me too.”

Designing for Emotion, Not Aesthetic

Verstappen’s work has been described as “emotional architecture” — a term she’s hesitant to claim, but doesn’t reject.

“I think we forget sometimes that homes aren’t just spaces. They hold grief, joy, ordinary Tuesdays,” she says. “My job is to make room for all of that — not just to make it pretty.”

Jules echoes the sentiment. “She didn’t just give us a home. She gave us a future. And somehow, it still feels like it’s always been ours.”

What’s Next?

With her studio growing and a child on the way (“I’ve learned more about fabric durability in the last six months than I thought possible,” she jokes), Verstappen’s approach remains the same: quiet, collaborative, deeply rooted in the human experience.

“Beauty is easy,” she says. “But meaning? That takes work. And it’s the kind of work I love.”

As she walks through the finished villa one last time — running her hand along the smooth curve of an old beam, checking the shadows that dance across a plastered wall — it’s clear:

This isn’t just a space someone lives in.

It’s a space that lives with them.

Photography by Sylvie Hohmann | Styling by Eloise Dervaux To see more from Belle Verstappen and Studio_B, follow @/belleverstappen and  @/studio_b on Instagram or visit studiobdesign.com

***

Instagram Stories: @/maxverstappen1

***

Meanwhile on Twitter: 

@/f1wivesunite I just read the Belle Verstappen AD piece and now I want her to design my house, my life, my nervous system.

@/archiluxe “Not reinventing, but remembering” — I would tattoo this quote from Belle Verstappen’s AD profile if I wasn’t afraid of commitment.

@/softmaxv Belle Verstappen being like “I listen to how a door creaks” and then making a whole home feel like a hug??? she’s not an interior designer she’s a poet

@/formulawags this woman said “homes hold grief, joy, ordinary Tuesdays” and I have not known peace since. (also Max is 100% her Tuesday.)

@/tinygp can we talk about how Max Verstappen’s WIFE is out here dropping AD-level wisdom while pregnant and making rustic beams look emotionally resonant??? how is this fair

@/verstappenupdates AD: “This was the first project I signed under my name.” Me, sobbing: it’s HER name. HER name. HER studio. HER work. HER life. she really said ✨liberation✨

@/archdigestgirl i am OBSESSED with belle verstappen’s design philosophy like… “it didn’t need reinventing, it needed remembering”??? i’m crying over plaster walls. over limewash. over a giraffe lamp. help.

@/monacoliving when daniel moreau said the house “smells like memory”??? belle made a COURTYARD smell like a backstory. i want to live in her mind.

@/softf1defender Max: aggressive overtakes at 300km/h Belle: emotional architecture that holds grief and joy them: married me: sobbing

@/emotionalwallpaper if belle ever opens a retreat i will walk there barefoot and sleep on a reclaimed linen pouf

@/formulaicon the fact that she signs her projects Belle Verstappen and not Isabelle Leclerc… that’s not just a name. that’s a choice. and it’s saying something loud.

@/thegridwhispers it’s Belle Verstappen in Architectural Digest, not Isabelle Leclerc, and somewhere in Monaco a family group chat is vibrating with unspoken tension

@/gridgossipqueen MAX VERSTAPPEN JUST POSTED: “She sees space the way I see corners on the track. And she never misses.” SIR??????? ARE YOU A WORLD CHAMPION OR A POET????

@/chaoticgridwives the way he tagged her work account AND her personal one the way he said “very proud of my wife” like he’s been waiting his whole life to write that the way he wrote “she never misses” and MEANT IT 😭😭😭

@/tiregirlie MAX VERSTAPPEN POSTED HIS WIFE’S AD FEATURE AND SAID: "She sees space the way I see corners on the track. And she never misses." I AM CRYING IN IKEA

@/helmetedsoftie he said: 🏁 i win races 📐 she builds homes 🍼 we made a baby 👑 and you will deal with it

@/fernvillainera “she sees space the way I see corners” that’s not a compliment that’s a wedding vow

@/formulafloof max verstappen could’ve said “nice job babe” and kept it moving instead he gave us POETRY

@/artdigesttears she didn’t even mention the Leclercs once in the article. not even in the baby joke. not once. it’s all Belle, all Studio_B. she’s not hiding. she’s just her.

@/emiliestandclub "the first project I signed under my name." and the name she used was Belle Verstappen. we’ve left the era of being overlooked. she’s not asking for a seat at the table. she’s designing the table. and the courtyard. and the backsplash.

@/maxxxmode1 Max calling her Belle wasn’t just a pet name. it became her name. and now it’s on the cover of Architectural Digest. tell me that’s not poetry.

@/sogoodithurts her name isn’t “Isabelle Leclerc” in the byline it’s not “Studio Leclerc” it’s not “Leclerc Interiors” it’s Studio_B. Belle Verstappen. she’s no one’s shadow. she is the sun.

@/jardinarchitecture the way Architectural Digest didn’t even feel the need to footnote “née Leclerc”… it’s almost like her work introduced her, not her family. wild.

@/kartingwife calling it now: the Verstappen baby grows up and thinks his mom is more famous than his dad. and honestly? fair.

@/emotionalbabywatch i don’t care what they name the baby. i care that it’s going to be loved so deeply it won’t ever question if it’s enough. and honestly? that’s the real win.

@/turn1drama this child is going to be raised in a home that smells like jasmine, has hand-carved drawer pulls, and hears I love you more times in a day than Jos Verstappen said it in a decade evolution

***

Text Messages: Belle Verstappen & Emilie Abadie

Emilie: Okay. Okay. I made it to the second paragraph before crying. Not sniffling. Crying. Open-mouthed, full-body, you-did-it-you-beautiful-genius crying.

Emilie: You were always going to end up in AD. But Belle. You signed this one under your own name. You built something. You told a story. You made a house remember itself and made the whole world notice. I’m so proud I can’t even breathe.

Emilie: We are framing this article. We are putting it in the baby’s memory box. We are not normal about this. You hear me?

Belle: I’m crying now. Like. Properly.

Belle: I didn’t think anyone would actually read it, let alone feel it. I kept thinking… maybe it was too soft. Too quiet. Too much like me.

Belle: But you saw it. You always do.

Belle: Thank you for never letting me shrink. For every time you reminded me that being quiet wasn’t the same as being small. That I didn’t have to be loud to take up space.

Belle: I love you.

***

Text Messages: Belle Verstappen & Victoria Verstappen

Victoria: UM. HELLO. EXCUSE ME.

Victoria: You absolute sneak. You’re just out here being the interior design oracle of Monaco and didn’t bother to mention that you’re in ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST??? Do you know what I was doing this morning?? Folding laundry. In sweatpants. Meanwhile, you’re making villas cry with emotion.

Victoria: That courtyard?? I nearly sobbed. That kitchen?? I want to move in and raise goats.

Victoria: You’re a masterpiece. I love you. Also I’m stealing that mineral-wash plaster idea. You can’t stop me.

Belle: I— You’re making me laugh and cry at the same time. Please stop being good at this.

Belle: I wasn’t trying to keep it secret. I just… I didn’t know if it would be worth making a fuss over.

Belle: But then I saw it. And it felt like me. Really me. And now you saying all this— It means more than I can explain.

Belle: Please steal the plaster. I’ll mix it for you myself. Love you too.

***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Christian Horner

Max: Did you see the AD article?

Christian: The what?

Max: Architectural Digest. Belle’s feature. It came out today. I’ll send you the link. Actually, I’ll send you the PDF. Also a printed copy. What’s your home address?

***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Daniel Ricciardo

 Max: [sends picture of the courtyard from the article] Is this not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Daniel: That’s definitely the most serene lavender I’ve seen this week, yes. Max, are you okay?

Max: I married an artist.

***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Lando Norris

Max: Did you read the part about the courtyard?

Lando: Yes. You’ve sent it to me four times. I don’t even have a courtyard. ***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Jos Verstappen

Max: Belle is in Architectural Digest. Front feature. They called her work a “masterclass in restraint.”

Jos: You’re very lucky.

Max: I know.

***

Text Messages: Max Verstappen & Gianpiero Lambiase

Max: have you seen belle’s AD article?

GP: Max. I read it at 7:05am. You literally sent me a copy. Physically. To my house.

Max: okay good just making sure

***

Group Chat: RBR STRATEGY & OPERATIONS

(members: Max, GP, Christian Horner, Gemma from PR, Helmut Marko, various engineers)

Max: i’m just saying if we need a new hospitality suite design i know someone. page 42. AD October. you’re welcome.

GP: Max.

Gemma: …Did you just send a PDF of your wife’s Architectural Digest spread to the team comms group?

Max: that’s her on page 42. the kitchen is beautiful. don’t say i never contribute.

Christian: She’s very talented.

Helmut: What is Architectural Digest.

Max: It’s like the Monaco Grand Prix for interior designers.

***

Text Messages: Belle Verstappen & Oscar Piastri

Oscar: I know absolutely nothing about interior design. Like, genuinely. I can barely hang a picture frame. (Which you know, because you rescued my apartment) But even I know that Architectural Digest is a huge deal. And I just wanted to say — I’m really, really proud of you. That house looked like something out of a movie, but it still felt like someone lived in it. Which is… I guess that’s the whole point. Anyway. You’re amazing. That’s all.

Oscar: (Also, the kitchen made me want to learn how to cook properly. Lily said that was the most unhinged thing I’ve ever said.)

Belle: Oscar Piastri. If you keep being this nice to me I’m going to have to name a backsplash after you.

Belle: “Piastri Grey.” Unassuming, unexpectedly elegant, slightly smug when the light hits it right.

Oscar: You joke, but if you ever name anything after me, I’ll brag about it in every driver briefing until they kick me out.

Belle: Duly noted. Also, just so you know — if you and Lily ever want help redoing your kitchen, I’m one unsolicited Pinterest board away from getting involved.

Belle: You’d have to promise not to burn water though.

Oscar: Deal. But only if I get to hang one (1) badly framed motivational quote in return.

Belle: Oscar. No.

***

Text Messages: Belle Verstappen & Lando Norris

​​Lando: OKAY WAIT Just read the AD feature. BELLE. HELLO???

Lando: That courtyard?? That kitchen??? That quote about doors creaking??? I didn’t know houses could be poetic. You’re a menace and I love you.

Lando: Also. Serious question. How do we feel about redoing my streaming room?

Lando: I’ll pay. I’ll bribe. I’ll cry. Name your price. Make it less “goblin tech dungeon” and more “mildly functional adult.” I deserve better lighting.

Belle: Lando. You have a racing simulator, multiple ikea bookcases filled with helmets and an apartment literally covered in fanart of yourself. Also a wall entirely dedicated to memorabilia that glows in the dark in your bedroom, according to Emilie. 

Belle: Your apartment actively resists adulthood.

Belle: But yes. I accept your bribe. I’ve already got a mood board titled “cozy chaos with HDMI ports.”

Lando: YES. That’s all I needed. Do you think I could have a drawer that hides snacks?

Belle: Already planned it. Drawer under the desk. Cooled. Lined with felt. Accommodates two cans of Monster Energy Drinks, one packet of Haribo, and your shame.

Lando: You’re a genius.

***

Pascale Leclerc hadn’t planned to read it.

She had clicked the link out of idle curiosity, the way one might glance through someone else’s holiday photos—detached, polite, with low expectations. Maybe she had expected color palettes. Fabric swatches. A few nice sentences about Belle’s “eye for detail.” Something charming and delicate and softly insignificant.

What she hadn’t expected was prose that read like poetry. Or her daughter’s name—her married name—printed in serif font beneath the words “Interior Architect and Founder.”

She hadn’t expected paragraphs that quoted Belle with a kind of reverence. Clients speaking about trust. About transformation. About homes that held memory and meaning.

She hadn’t expected that her daughter—quiet, overlooked, always fading behind the noise of her brothers—could command the shape of a space so profoundly that the world would take notice.

By the second paragraph, Pascale had sat down. By the third, she had put her glasses on properly. By the fourth, her hand was over her mouth.

"She didn’t want to reinvent it. She wanted to remember it."

"The house gave me the courage."

"Homes hold grief, joy, ordinary Tuesdays."

It was all so Belle—soft, sharp, careful. A kind of invisible mastery woven between sentences and ceiling beams.

Pascale thought back to every time she had asked, "So what do you actually do?" and winced.

Because the answer had been there all along. And Pascale had never truly listened.

She hadn't realized this was more than a job. That Belle had a signature. A philosophy. A reputation. That people sought her out not because she was Max Verstappen’s wife or Charles Leclerc’s sister—but because she was herself.

Because she could walk into a tired old house and see the soul of it. Because she could make things feel like they remembered you.

Pascale read the last paragraph three times. This isn’t just a space someone lives in. It’s a space that lives with them.

She closed the tab slowly, the image of Belle’s hand skimming along an old beam still hovering in her mind.

For the first time in years, Pascale felt like she had to relearn her daughter. Not as an extension of the family. But as a woman with her own name, her own work, and a world she had built with her bare hands.

***

Leclerc Family Group Chat

(Members: Arthur, Isabelle, Charles, Lorenzo and Pascale)

Arthur: ok wait what is architectural digest?? is it like a newsletter for… architecture?

Charles: …it’s not a newsletter. it’s Architectural Digest, Arthur. It’s a huge deal. 

Arthur: yeah i gathered that now everyone on twitter is freaking out CONGRATS belle!! even if I don’t understand what “mineral-washed hues” are 🫡

Lorenzo: Hold on. You’re in Architectural Digest?

Charles: Wait wait wait YOU’RE IN ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST??

Belle: …yes?

Charles: As in THE Architectural Digest? As in like… that’s a big deal.

Belle: I know.

Charles: Why didn’t you TELL us??? We could’ve sent the link around. Or made a story. Or thrown confetti. Or—idk—prepared emotionally??

Arthur: again: still not sure what it is but belle looks great in those photos and the house looks rich so I assume it’s important

Pascale: I read the article. It was… It was beautiful.

Belle:  

Thanks, Maman. That means a lot.

Arthur: so you’re like…a fancy architect now?? do you have a business card?? I want one

Belle: Arthur. I’ve had a business card for 4 years.

Charles: You designed an entire villa and never mentioned it?? You were just… going to let us find out online??? I just read the article. Belle. It’s stunning. I’m so proud of you.

Lorenzo: Same. I’m reading it now. The courtyard?? The fireplace?? The patina on the fixtures?? You made this house feel like a memory.

***

Text Messages: Belle Verstappen & Max Verstappen

Max: i might have emailed the AD article to toto wolff. with no context.

Belle: MAX.

Max: what if he wants to hire you for the new Mercedes motorhome wouldn’t that be hilarious

***

Group Chat: GRID 2024 

Members: Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz Jr., Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Lewis Hamilton, George Russell, Alex Albon, Liam Lawson, Nico Hülkenberg, Lance Stroll, Fernando Alonso, Sergio Pérez, Esteban Ocon, Zhou Guanyu, Logan Sargeant, Pierre Gasly, Yuki Tsunoda

Max: Guys. My wife is in Architectural Digest. As in THE Architectural Digest.

Lando: Oh we’re starting early today.

Max: PAGE 42. Go look. Read it. Appreciate it. You’ll learn something about restraint and plaster finishes.

Franco: what is architectural digestion

Oscar: Digest. It’s like Vogue for rich houses.

Yuki: Wait so like… Belle designed a house?

Max: SHE BROUGHT A VILLA BACK TO LIFE WITH EMOTIONAL ARCHITECTURE. It’s not just design. It’s art.

Pierre: Bro he’s yelling.

George: I already read it. Very elegant. Love the limestone accents.

Zhou: I want to do a collab with her. My Shanghai apartment needs help.

Esteban: I’ve never cared about tiles before but now I have opinions??

Lance: Can she do race trailers?

Liam: I still don’t get it but I support whatever is happening.

Nico H.: This is the softest I’ve ever seen Max. I’m scared.

Oscar: Update: Lily now wants Belle to design our house. We don’t have a house yet. This is your fault, Verstappen.

Max: You will all learn to appreciate plaster texture and reclaimed beams. Mark my words.

Alex: I liked the old Max better. The one who just said "understeer" and threw a wheel.

Carlos: The man is gone. We have husband era Max now.

Lando: And I, for one, welcome him.

Yuki: Can we all go live in the Provence house

Max: Get in line.

Fernando: It was great. I also liked the lavender courtyard. That woman understands serenity.

Valtteri: Does Belle do Finnish saunas? Asking for a friend.

Max: YES. AND SHE’LL SOURCE YOU THE PERFECT STONES.

Charles: I didn’t even know she did that villa. She never said a word.

Max: Because she’s not an attention seeker like the rest of us. (She also said she didn’t want to be annoying about it… so I’m being annoying for her.)

Valtteri: You’re dangerously close to mailing us print subscriptions.

Max: Funny you mention that. Check your mail.

George: OH MY GOD MAX WHY DID YOU SEND ME THREE COPIES

Lewis: Honestly? She deserves all the noise. That piece was stunning. Tell her I said the kitchen design was sublime.

Franco: am I supposed to know what any of this means

Oscar: Just say “quiet luxury” and nod a lot.

***

Group Chat: HELP ME

(Members: Daniel Ricciardo, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Lewis Hamilton, Carlos Sainz Jr., George Russell, Alex Albon, Nico Hülkenberg, Nico Rosberg, Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber, David Coulthard, Sergio Pérez, Fernando Alonso, Kimi Räikkönen, Zhou Guanyu, Logan Sargeant, Esteban Ocon, Lance Stroll, Valtteri Bottas, Pierre Gasly and Yuki Tsunoda)

Lando Norris: 📸 screenshot attached So this happened in the grid group chat.

Daniel: holy shit this is so much text is this about the house again

George: It’s not just a house, Daniel. It’s an emotionally restored Provencal villa.

Sebastian: Belle made limestone flooring feel like poetry. I respect it.

Yuki: You said that with your chest

Carlos: Max has officially entered his soft husband era and I’m 70% sure he’s about to start bringing copies to media day

David: I have never seen Max this sentimental. Ever. It’s unnerving.

Mark: Honestly? Good for him. Good for her. That article was great.

Nico R.: Belle made stone walls existential. I had a crisis halfway through page 44.

Alex:Max sent everybody copies Which is wild But also… I’m halfway through the article and now I want Belle to redesign my brain.

Oscar: Lily said it changed the texture of her soul

Pierre: I’m not going to lie I googled “mineral-washed plaster” at 2AM last night I think I blacked out on Etsy

Kimi: what are you all talking about

Zhou: Architecture But like. Feelings.

Esteban: Is it normal that I’m emotional about a kitchen sink

Sergio:She said “homes hold grief and joy and ordinary Tuesdays” and I started pacing

Nico H.: I read one sentence and now I want to throw out all my furniture

Yuki: You should.

Valtteri: I have never been more inspired to paint something beige in my life.

Lewis: I told her the kitchen design was sublime. I meant it. She’s a storyteller.

Sebastian: I think I want her to redesign my garden. And possibly my emotional landscape.

Daniel: so… none of you are gonna help me hang the IKEA shelves I just bought?

Oscar: Sorry mate we’re on a different level now. We only accept reclaimed oak.

Mark: I have never seen Max more smug. He sent me the article and a Google Maps link of the villa.

George: We are witnessing a man in love And honestly? It’s terrifying.

***

“You’ve had quite a big month,” Camille said softly, looking at Belle. “Would you like to talk about what it felt like, having your work recognized like that?”

Belle hesitated. Then she shrugged, arms loosely folded. “It was… good.”

Camille smiled. “You don’t sound sure.”

“It was,” Belle repeated, quieter. “It meant something.”

Charles was the one who broke the silence.

“I didn’t even know you were in Architectural Digest,” he said, not accusing — just confused. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Belle’s eyes flicked over to him. Then to Pascale, who was watching her carefully.

She inhaled slowly.

“Because,” she said, “you never took my work seriously.”

The words landed like a pin dropping in a cathedral.

“Lorenzo called it Pinterest, but expensive,” Belle said calmly, almost too calmly. “When I got my first real job offer, Arthur asked me if I was going to be installing throw pillows for a living.”

Arthur shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Lorenzo went very still.

“I studied Architecture at Sorbonne,” Belle continues, her voice still steady. “I studied for years. I interned, I worked for one of the best interior architecture firms Monaco has to offer. I built a studio from scratch. I made a name for myself. Quietly. Without any of you ever noticing.”

She looked at them then — really looked.

“And it was never as important as racing. Never as exciting. Never something you asked about unless it was to make fun of me for choosing beige.”

Charles looked gutted. Pascale was blinking quickly.

Lorenzo’s voice was low. “I don’t think I ever realized how much that hurt you.”

“I know,” Belle said. Not cruel — just tired. “Because I stopped trying to explain it a long time ago.”

There was a beat of silence.

Then Camille gently said, “It sounds like you protected something really important to you by keeping it private. Does that feel true?”

Belle nodded.

“I didn’t tell you about the article,” she said, “because I wanted to enjoy it without wondering if anyone would roll their eyes.”

Pascale finally spoke. “I’m sorry.”

It was soft. Raw. No justification. Just the words.

Belle didn’t reply right away.

But she didn’t look away either.

“I’m sorry,” Pascale said again, voice catching just slightly. “I didn’t know it made you feel that way.”

Belle didn’t flinch, but she also didn’t soften. Her hands were folded tightly in her lap.

“You didn’t ask,” she said.

That was the part that always hurt the most.

Camille let the silence linger for a moment. It was the kind of silence that wasn’t empty—just full of everything unspoken.

Then she looked at the others.

“Charles. Arthur. Lorenzo,” she said gently. “How does it feel to hear Belle say that?”

Arthur’s shoulders hunched slightly. “I think we just… thought you liked being in the background. You never made a big deal of your work.”

“I didn’t,” Belle said. “Because when I did, no one cared. So I stopped.”

Charles looked pale.

“I think I was waiting for you to prove it was real,” he admitted. “That you were serious about it.”

“I was serious about it,” Belle said, sharper now. “From the start. You just didn’t see it because it wasn’t your definition of ambition.”

Charles opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“I didn’t think it was nothing,” Lorenzo said finally, voice low. “I just… didn’t know how big it was. And I never asked, and I should have. That’s on me.”

Pascale looked stricken. “I don’t even remember saying those things,” she murmured. “But I believe you. And I’m sorry. You deserved better from me.”

Belle swallowed hard. Her voice was quieter now.

“It wasn’t just one thing. It was everything. No one asked about my first job. Or my first client. Or when I started my studio. You didn’t come to my graduation. You forgot my birthday.” Her voice cracked. “And now I’m in Architectural Digest, and it still doesn’t feel real because I keep expecting someone to say it’s not a big deal.”

Belle inhaled slowly. The air felt thick in her chest.

She glanced down at her hands, resting in her lap. Her engagement ring glinted against her skin. Her wedding band. Quiet things. Not loud like podiums or race wins or trophies. But real.

“Max and I met in a bar. We talked about one of my colleagues frothing at the mouth at the thought of designing an apartment for him, because they had heard that he was touring a penthouse. One of those ridiculous ones with views over the harbour.”

“A few weeks later, I got the call. Max bought that penthouse. He hired the firm I worked at and he demanded that I be the only architect allowed to work on it.”

She smiled faintly at the memory.

“He said he trusted me. He only wanted me working on it. Because I was brillant.”

Her eyes lifted, landing on Charles first, then Pascale.

“He didn’t mean, like, picking throw pillows. He meant everything. Design it. Build it. Choose the floors, the fixtures. Max could have hired any firm in the world. But he gave it to me—because he saw me. He trusted me. No credentials flashed. No résumé sent. I told him I had a vision, and he believed me.”

A long pause.

“No one in this room has ever believed in me like that.”

Pascale flinched like the words hit her square in the chest.

“I’m not saying that to be cruel,” Belle said gently. “But you should know it. I studied at Sorbonne. I interned in Paris. I worked twenty-hour days for years. I built a studio from scratch. But to you, it was always—Pinterest boards. Throw pillows. Expensive taste.”

She looked toward the window now, blinking fast. “Meanwhile, I built Max and me a home. A real one. I built a studio from scratch. And now my work is on the cover of Architectural Digest. And you’re all surprised.”

Her voice cracked, just slightly.

“You say you love me. But you’ve never asked what I love. What I do. Who I’ve become.”

Camille didn’t interrupt. No one did.

Pascale was crying now. Arthur stared at the carpet. Lorenzo looked hollowed out. Charles was stock still.

“Max saw me the moment I walked into that restaurant on our first date,” Belle whispered. “Not because I was his girlfriend. Not because I was a Leclerc. Just… me. He gave me a home to build. And he moved into it. Do you know what that meant to me?”

“It is a big deal,” Camille said softly. “And Belle, your pain is valid. And you’ve carried a lot of it alone.”

There were tears in Belle’s eyes now, but she didn’t let them fall.

“I wanted you to be proud of me,” she whispered. “And you weren’t. Not until everyone else was.”

Pascale reached for a tissue. “I’m sorry.”

She’s said it before — for missed birthdays, for things that slipped through the cracks. But this time, there’s something heavier underneath it. Not just regret, but realization.

Belle didn’t speak. Not yet.

But she didn’t look away either.

Camille waited a beat, then gently shifts the focus.

“Charles,” she said, “you look like you’re holding something. Would you like to say it?”

Charles exhales like he’s been underwater.

“I just—” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know. I think I… assumed you were happy doing your little projects, and I didn’t ask more because—”

He stopped himself. Winced.

“Because you assumed they weren’t serious,” Belle finished for him, voice still quiet.

He nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Truly. I didn’t mean to make you feel invisible.”

“You didn’t mean to,” Belle echoed, “but you did.”

Charles flinched. “I know.”

Arthur, sitting beside him, suddenly said, “I always thought you were brilliant at it.”

Everyone turned.

Arthur shrugged, like it’s obvious. “I just didn’t say anything. Because I didn’t want to sound stupid.”

Belle blinked. “What?”

“You redesigned your entire apartment in Paris with like… two chairs and a string of lights. I remember visiting and thinking it felt like magic. Like it wasn’t just pretty — it fit you. I didn’t know how to say that.”

There’s a long silence.

Belle’s expression softened — just a little.

“I didn’t need you to say I was brilliant,” she said, “I just needed you to act like it mattered. That I mattered.”

Lorenzo finally spoke.

“You do.”

Belle gave him a long, tired look. “I’m just starting to believe that.”

Camille gently stepped in.

“I think what Belle’s saying is really important,” she said. “This isn’t about punishment or blame. It’s about being seen. About building a relationship where she doesn’t feel like she has to shrink herself just to be accepted.”

Pascale pressed a hand to her mouth, her eyes glassy.

Charles swallowed. “We want that,” he says. “I want that. I want to do better.”

Arthur nodded. “Me too.”

Lorenzo, steady as ever, added, “Me too.”

Camille offered Belle a soft, anchoring look. “Would you like to start with something small? Something they could do that might feel meaningful?”

“…Ask me about my work,” Belle said. “Not to be polite. Ask because you actually want to know.”

The others nodded. Pascale quietly murmured, “We will.”

Belle exhales, slow and shaky. But she nodded.

***

It was late.

The kind of late where the world felt like it had tipped sideways, quiet and slow. Rain tapped lightly against the windows of their bedroom, and Belle was curled into the pregnancy pillow that had taken over Max’s half of the bed. Her back ached, her ankles were swollen, and their son had been practicing karate for the last half hour — but somehow, the room still felt peaceful.

Max was beside her, propped up on one elbow, reading something on his iPad that he clearly wasn’t retaining.

Belle shifted slightly. “Max?”

He glanced down immediately, setting the iPad aside. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Just… thinking.”

Max didn’t say anything, just reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, waiting. He was good at that — at knowing when she needed silence instead of answers.

Belle exhaled. “There’s a name I keep coming back to.”

His brows lifted slightly, but he didn’t interrupt.

“I haven’t said it out loud yet. Not even to myself, really. But it’s been stuck in my head for weeks.”

Max tilted his head, gently curious. “What is it?”

She hesitated, heart thudding a little faster. “Emilian.”

There was a pause — a quiet, weighted pause — and then Max smiled. Not the bright, media-trained one. Not even the cheeky one she knew too well. Just soft. Surprised. Touched.

“My middle name,” he said.

“And Emilie,” Belle murmured. “Not on purpose. It just… happened that way. I didn’t mean to do that, I swear.”

Max’s smile grew. “You don’t have to justify it.”

“I thought I’d change my mind,” she admitted. “I kept thinking, ‘it’s too sentimental’ or ‘what if it’s weird’ or ‘what if he doesn’t like it’… but I keep circling back to it. Like orbiting. I don’t know why.”

Max leaned in and kissed the side of her forehead. “Belle. It’s a beautiful name.”

“I wasn’t trying to name him after you,” she said softly. “Or Emilie. Or anyone. I think I just… like the way it feels.”

Max ran a hand gently over the swell of her belly, feeling a fluttering kick beneath his palm. “Then maybe that’s why it’s right.”

Belle looked up at him, eyes shining. “You really don’t mind?”

He shook his head. “No. I think… I love it, actually.”

She blinked fast. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Max smiled again, then leaned down to press a kiss just above her belly button. “Hi, Emilian,” he whispered. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

Belle’s breath caught. Her hand found his, resting over their son, and she nodded slowly. “Then that’s his name.”

Max looked up at her with something close to awe. “We have a name.”

“We have a baby with a name,” Belle whispered, half in disbelief.

And in the quiet, with the rain still falling and their son kicking lightly in response, Belle finally let herself feel it fully — that he was coming. That she was ready. That Emilian was already loved.

[writer-freak]

♥ Abby / Abs SFW and NSFW headcanons

A/n: I have Kpop demon hunters brainrot and I just needed to write something. Still not 100% sure how to write the Saja boys, so I decided to start with the one where I have a bit more of a grasp of how I would like his character to be. Headcanons are split into SFW and NSFW — SFW is first, then NSFW is labeled below, Hope you guys enjoy <3

He knows he’s hot. Abby doesn’t just think people are looking, he knows it. Shirt slightly unbuttoned, sweeping his hair effortlessly out of his face, always posing a little when he walks past reflective surfaces.

But when you compliment him? He still gets a tiny bit bashful, like “Yeah? You like this look?” with a smug little grin and ears just slightly pink.

Flirts with you like it’s just in his blood. Constantly teasing you but like in a playful way. “You just gonna keep staring at me, or are you gonna kiss me already?”

He makes you laugh and swoon the worst combo because now you’re blushing and giggling at the same time.

Surprisingly domestic. He likes doing “normal” couple things like grocery shopping together, picking out snacks for movie night, and agruing with you (lightheartitly obviously) about which love interest in a movie is the better one

So clingy but in the most endearing way.

You try to get up to grab something, and he just tugs you back into his lap. “Nope. You live here now.” You roll your eyes, but he’s warm and you almost always end up staying.

Always touching you. He has zero sense of personal space when it comes to you, hand holding when walking, arm around your shoulders, hand on your thigh while watching TV.

If you’re near, he’s touching. Period.

Will literally hype you up in public. You show up to an event or just walk into a room looking cute, and he’s so loud about it. “Damn, who let you out looking like that?” wolf whistle fully knowing people are watching.

He’s proud, and he wants everyone to know he’s yours and you're his.

Sleepy snuggler. Once he’s horizontal, he’s immediately draping himself over you like a weighted blanket.

“You’re so warm,” he mumbles, face buried in your neck. He always falls asleep faster when you're there says your presence is “soothing for him”

Cooks only one thing well but insists on making it constantly. It’s something like spicy ramen or grilled cheese and he’ll go, “Trust me, I’m a chef.” Even if it tastes bad how could you ever say no to him.

NSFW

Size kink? Oh absolutely.

Abby is so smug about how easily he can pick you up, manhandle you, carry you around like it’s nothing. He’ll tease you about it constantly “Look at you, so small and squishy. I could ruin you, y'know.

“Is this okay?” always. He may be cocky, but he never forgets to check in. And somehow hearing “You good, babe?” in his deep, slightly growly voice while he’s already got you breathless? Instant fluster.

Loves when you take control. Acts like he’s the one in charge but goes feral when you push him down and ride him instead.

He’ll grip your hips, panting, all “You’re killin’ me, sweetheart,” while secretly loving every second of it.

Lowkey possessive, but in a sexy way. Marks you up just enough to be visible, loves when you wear his beanie or show up to a concert wearing his oversized hoodie. “You’re mine. Let everyone see.”

Aftercare king. No matter how hot things get, he’s doting af afterward. Carries you to the bath, lets you wear one of his tank tops (he’s obsessed seeing you like this), and spoons you so close like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

Constantly murmurs stuff like “You’re everything to me, y'know that?” into your skin while tracing little circles on your back.

Divider by: @diviniyae

[rafecameronssl4t]

Can you do more of reader x rafe that involve Sofia.

Calm down || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

gif by @tetragonia

Summary: basically based off this scene in s4 ep 2 but ofc including reader

Warnings: none rlly!!

Word count: 1,986

MASTERLIST

The music was too loud, the air was too thick, and the vodka in your cup wasn’t nearly strong enough to make any of this bearable. ���So… how have you and him been?” Ruthie asked, her tone loaded despite the way she lazily twirled the straw in her drink.

You rolled your eyes, already annoyed at the direction this conversation was heading. “Rafe and I?” you echoed, lifting your glass and swirling the half-melted ice like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Haven’t talked to him since that bonfire a month ago.”

Your voice was clipped, tone dismissive, but Ruthie was looking at you too closely. The kind of look only a friend who’s seen you at your worst would know how to give. You hated it. “I’m just so over it,” you added quickly, hoping it sounded convincing.

“Can’t believe he stooped that low,” she muttered, snorting into her drink. “A pogue, seriously?” You didn’t answer, but your jaw tensed slightly. You gave a loose shrug, feigning indifference. Like it didn’t burn every time you heard his name. Like you didn’t still dream about that night—his hands, his mouth, the way he said your name like it meant something.

The sound of laughter and shouting swelled around you, and you looked up just in time to see Topper sink a perfect shot into the last cup on the beer pong table. His friends exploded in cheers. “Let’s go, baby!” Topper bellowed, arms thrown up in drunken victory.

Ruthie squealed and immediately threw her arms around her boyfriend in exaggerated celebration “Oh man,” Topper slurred as he staggered over to the two of you, a goofy grin plastered on his flushed face. “It’s just a little harmless celebration, right?” You couldn’t help but laugh at how absolutely wrecked he already was.

“Oh, absolutely. You need another beer.” Topper laughed, leaning heavily against you. He slung an arm around your shoulder, the scent of cologne and whatever he spilled on himself earlier clinging to his shirt. “You know me so well, Y/n. Fuck, I love you.”

You rolled your eyes but let him kiss your head anyway, playing along like always. Ruthie giggled beside you, probably just as tipsy but much better at hiding it. Then—“Hey!” The loud voice cut through the buzz of conversation, music, and drunken laughter. You turned instinctively, and your entire body went stiff.

Rafe. Making his way toward the group with that same confident swagger like he owned the place. Your stomach dropped. “Yeah, my brother!” Topper hollered, practically leaping forward as the two of them pulled each other into a half-hug, half-clap-on-the-back. “There he is! How are you, baby?”

Rafe actually lifted Topper slightly off the ground before setting him down again, both of them laughing like this was any other night. Like everything was normal. You fought the eye-roll threatening to escape and instead focused on sipping your drink. Then Ruthie nudged you sharply.

You glanced at her and followed her gaze. Sofia. Standing just a few feet behind Rafe. Hair perfectly curled, but her posture stiff—like she knew she didn’t belong but was pretending otherwise. Her eyes darted around the crowd before finally landing on you. She gave you a small, awkward smile.

You stared for a second too long before mustering the fakest smile you could manage and looking away. Arms crossing tightly over your chest. “Of course she’s here,” you muttered under your breath, venom lacing every word. Ruthie raised her brows and leaned in. “I swear she follows him around like a lost puppy.”

You didn’t respond, because when you glanced back at Rafe—he was already looking at you. The smirk was gone now. No bravado, no cockiness. Just that unreadable look he’d perfected. The one that made you wonder if he regretted everything… or nothing at all. “Hey,” he said quietly.

And that was enough to make you snap out of it. Without acknowledging him, you picked up your drink, turned on your heel, and walked away. “Wait,” Ruthie called, rushing to follow you. You didn’t stop. You didn’t want to deal with him. Not tonight. Not with Sofia hovering awkwardly in the background like some replacement you never agreed to.

He knew it pissed you off—seeing them together, acting like what the two of you had wasn’t even worth protecting. And the worst part? He brought her anyway. You made it to the bar, needing something stronger than the half-warm cocktail melting in your cup. You pushed your way through the cluster of sweaty Kooks and grabbed a beer from the tub of ice, popping it open with a sigh. Ruthie stood next to you, her eyes scanning the crowd with laser focus.

“God,” she muttered, leaning against the bar as she sipped her drink, “she stands out like a sore fucking thumb.” You followed her gaze. Sofia. She was lingering near Rafe, too close for comfort but still visibly uncomfortable. Her posture was tense, her smile unsure. She looked like she was trying to blend in, but everything about her screamed not from here.

You took a sip of your beer, eyes narrowing. “Yeah,” you muttered. “Wait—wait. Do you think he pays her to hang around?” Ruthie whispered, mischief dancing in her voice. But before you could even laugh, a sharp voice sliced through the bass-heavy music. “What did you say?” You both stopped. Looked up. The tone was unmistakable.

Rafe. He was standing near the entrance, voice raised, jaw locked, shoulders squared. Your chest tightened. “You got something to say?” He was talking to someone now—a girl who looked vaguely familiar. Local. Not a regular. Maybe a plus-one of a plus-one. Whatever he was, he clearly hadn’t learned one of the unspoken rules of Figure Eight: Don’t talk shit where Rafe Cameron can hear you.

“Hey, listen, if you want to say—” “Back off, Rafe!” The guy close by shoved him. Ruthie slapped her hand to her mouth. Your beer paused mid-sip. “Holy shit,” she gasped. You didn’t flinch. Didn’t even blink. Just shook your head slowly. “Typical. Always picking a fight.” You took another swig as Rafe’s voice rose, chest heaving as he advanced.

“If you wanna whisper some bullshit behind my back, why don’t you say it to my face? I’m standing right here.” He stepped forward again, pointing aggressively. Topper lunged in, grabbing him by the shoulder with a grunt. “Rafe, chill, dude—” “You got something to say? Say it to my fucking face!” Rafe barked again, leaning in, slapping his own cheek like some unhinged invitation.

You rolled your eyes so hard they nearly got stuck. “Here come the theatrics.” Topper finally got a better grip, dragging him back slightly. Sofia hovered awkwardly nearby. Her face was blank, expression unreadable. When Rafe stumbled back, she stepped in and helped Topper steady him.

She said something to him—probably trying to calm him down—but you couldn’t hear over the shouting. Then, as if the chaos couldn’t escalate further, Rafe’s voice boomed again. “He was a great man!” You blinked. “Jesus Christ,” you muttered, rubbing your temple. “He’s spiralling,” Ruthie said, half in awe.

Before you could agree, the clatter of bottles jolted you. You turned just in time to see Rafe storming toward the bar—your bar. “Hey,” Sofia said behind him, her hand catching his arm, gentle. “Don’t listen to them,” she murmured. You weren’t even trying to eavesdrop. Not really. He wasn’t exactly being discreet.

“Don’t listen to them? Don’t listen to them?” he echoed bitterly. “Kind of hard when they do it in front of me. I mean, I expect that shit from the Cut—but not here.” You exchanged a quick look with Ruthie. There it was. The line.You could practically see it hit Sofia in real time—the flicker of something breaking in her face.

She recovered quickly, but not before you caught the sting in her eyes. “Shit,” Ruthie whispered. “He doesn’t even realise he just insulted her.” Topper reappeared like a storm-drenched lifeguard. “What is this bullshit, man?” Rafe asked, exasperated. “Who do you have at your party?” Rafe shook his head like a wet dog, pacing, seething.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m just—getting a drink.” And that’s when it happened. As he turned, his eyes found you. Locked. He didn’t smirk. Didn’t look smug. Just stared. Something unreadable flickering beneath all the anger—something dangerous. You raised your brows but didn’t flinch. Didn’t smile.

Just took a slow sip of your beer, eyes never leaving his. Almost daring him to say something. He walked right past, close enough for your shoulders to nearly brush. Then Sofia stepped forward. Still lingering behind like she didn’t know where else to go. Her movements were stiff.

And when she looked up, her gaze met yours. It wasn’t awkward this time. It was deliberate. You stood there, holding her stare, bottle in hand. And then—Sofia started walking toward you. Ruthie leaned in, voice low. “Oh my god. Don’t tell me she’s about to start something.”

She stood beside you, just barely within arm’s reach, her presence cutting into the thick air around the bar like a cold gust through summer heat. You didn’t look at her at first—not until she said something. Not until she spoke. “How did you do it?” You paused mid-sip, the neck of the beer bottle still against your lips.

Slowly, you lowered it and turned your head, brows furrowing as your eyes met hers. “Do what?” you asked, voice even but laced with confusion. Sofia’s eyes didn’t move from Rafe—still visible a few feet away, his shoulders tense as he paced near the cooler, Topper doing damage control.

“Calm him down,” she replied, quiet but clear, the weight of the question hanging between you like smoke. You let out a short, disbelieving laugh through your nose. A snort, really. You and Ruthie turned to each other instinctively—your best friend’s eyes wide, eyebrows raised, lips twitching in amused disbelief like is she for real?

Was she seriously asking that? You blinked, looked back at Sofia. She was still watching Rafe like he was a ticking bomb she hadn’t figured out how to disarm. Like you were the only one who ever knew where the wires connected. “You think I knew how to calm him down?” you said, the edge creeping into your voice now.

“He’s Rafe, Sofia. No one calms him down. He decides when he wants to stop.” Her brows pulled together, and for a second, you saw something real flash across her face—something like defeat. Or maybe just realisation. Maybe she thought there was some secret you had. A trick. A formula. But there wasn’t. There never had been.

“It didn’t look like that when you were with him,” she said quietly, eyes dropping to her drink. You exhaled sharply, leaning one arm on the bar, facing her now. “Yeah, well,” you said, “that’s because he and I are alike.” Sofia blinked. Hard. And in that second, you almost felt bad for her.

Almost. But then Ruthie spoke, cutting through the tension with her usual bluntness. “He’s not a project you get to fix, babe. Trust me, she tried.” You didn’t correct her. Sofia stared at the condensation sliding down her glass. “He said he was different with you,” she murmured.

“He was,” you answered simply. “But he fucked it up so there’s that.” And for a moment, the silence between the three of you felt heavier than the party around you. The laughter, the music, the clinking bottles—all of it felt far away. Sofia nodded once, almost like a thank you—but more like a quiet resignation.

Then she turned, walking back toward where Rafe stood—his jaw still clenched, eyes wild, not looking at her. Not looking at anyone. Ruthie sighed beside you. “Well, that wasn’t awkward at all.”You took another swig of your beer, finally letting yourself breathe again.“Nope,” you muttered. “Just another night in paradise.”

[moonys-tea-leaves]

Funny that you say "lil bro" when I'm pretty sure you're either a teenager or a sociopath, and I'm leaning towards teenager.

Look:

You started this post shitting on a bunch of characters while presenting your own as if he's perfect.

The fact is, none of these characters are perfect. I've already said in the replies that I can drag Remus through the mud all day because his actions in book 6 & 7 are horrible and I'm not happy with him about book 4. I don't think there's a single character I love that I cant point out all the ways they've failed - because part of loving someone is recognizing they're complicated and do shit things.

Honestly I think part of the reason that Snape is so avoided by marauders fans is because the Snape fans are like this. They can't see how Snape was problematic so vehemently defend absolutely deplorable choices.

Why in the unholy hell would he know about how important was a child to a parent with parents like his, first of all.

As someone who was abused as a child and knows many people who were abused as children:

People who were abused as children are aware that normal mothers love their children.

Is your argument truly "Snape thought so little of Lily that he believed she was a horrible, unloving mother"?

Because... yikes.

Also, he was out of Lily's life by the time he became a DE, him becoming one has nothing to do with her and she must've been the last thing on his mind while taking the mark. His life doesn't round around her lil bro.

The Death Eaters were anti-muggle born. If Snape truly cared about Lily he would not have joined an anti-muggle born group. So by your logic, Snape did not care about Lily enough to avoid anti-muggle born groups.

Therefore, Snape did not care about Lily very much.

Therefore, his argument of saving only Lily wasn't about him caring about her as an individual person - but out of a personal desire of wanting something from her.

Therefore, you agree with me that Snape did not save Lily out of any sort of consideration for her.

This conversation has now been completed as you have come to realize I am correct. Have a good day.

Marauders fans just be having double standards on the point they proud themselves the most on: Diversity

They be like "let's make James brown" (ik that it's in the whole fandom in general but ykwim) and reject the Jewish-looking guy

They be like "let's make Lily obese" and reject the underweight guy

They be like "let's make Regulus abused" and reject the canonically abused guy

They be like "let's make Regulus get groomed into joining the DEs" and reject the canonically groomed guy

They be like "let's make Barty's actions look right by saying it was for love" and reject the guy who did everything for the girl he loved (platonically or not)

Double standards, double standards everywhere.

Diversity only exists if Snape is not involved

[sexyandcringe]

As much as you love to spend time with Suna Rintarou, you hate asking for it.

And as much as you hate asking for it, you still catch yourself tapping on his name, texting him to let him know you are free for the day because your friends ditched you.

Y/N: Yo, my girls went to war and left me alone and broken (they ditched me), wanna bangout?

Y/N: I meANT HANGOUT***

Y/N: We can bang too, though. Later.

It takes him around 10 minutes to reply, just as you’re about to hop in the shower.

Rin: Sure, let’s do that

Rin: When are you coming?

Y/N: I’ll take a quick shower and i’ll be over?

Rin: Bet. Text me when you done.

You leave a thumbs up reaction and head into the shower, already excited by the idea of meeting up with Rintarou.

It’s been a year now — this messy, no-strings, fwb thing you’ve got going; And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like him, but these kind of things never end well for you, so you keep it casual, hit him up when you need some company (or a good fuck). it’s not like you don’t have a life; you’ve got your friends, your books to read, a job to do. You’re good on your own. 

You know Rintarou is not one for anything serious, but he is a good guy overall. He doesn’t just reduce you to a fuck-buddy, he sees you as a friend and cares for you, like friends do, but that’s all you’ll ever be to him. A friend and a good fuck.

That doesn’t stop you from parking in front of his building, walking up to the third floor stairs because his lift is always fucking broken, and knocking on his door with a wide smile and a basket full of snacks.

“Hey loser,” you greet, holding up the basket, "Got you some snacks.” 

His face remains stoic, unimpressed as he stares at you, “Fruits are not snacks, Y/N.”

Your only reply is pushing him aside and stepping inside, putting the basket on his kitchen table like you own the place. Suna Rintarou may be a professional athlete, but you really have to put up a fight with him for him to eat some fruits, and this is one of your battle tactics.

“I climbed, like, a thousand stairs. gimme some water.” you demand, flopping down in a chair around the table,  playing with the little cat statue in the middle of it. The one you got him when you were in Milan — black and white, scowling with a tiny green collar. It looks just like him and you still think it’s one of the cutest gifts you got him.

He scoffs but heads to the fridge anyway, grabbing a bottle and pouring it into your heart-shaped glass. the one you made him swear not to let anyone else touch. it was your heart-shaped glass that you bought for yourself, and since Rintarou’s apartment is like a second home to you, leaving it here was just as natural as breathing. 

“Am i your slave now?” he grumbles, setting the glass in front of you.

You grin, “You love being my slave.” 

Rintarou swears he is going to wipe that stupid grin off your face soon. Tonight.

There is always something to talk about when you are with him.

The latest drama about his new manager, your neighbour who you are 100% sure is growing weed in their backyard, your coworker who might actually be satan in disguise; and when you run out of shit to say, you end up watching anime together, stealing each other’s snacks in-between kisses. All normal, absolutely nothing weird about kissing your homies on the lips, you tell yourself, especially if said homie is a complete hot mess of an athlete with the body of a Greek god and the most annoyingly perfect hands you’ve ever seen.

So every time you hang out with Rintarou, you end up with your limbs tangled with his, sharing heavy breaths at the rhythm of his heartbeat, and while you feel so full of him in those moments, he always leaves a hole bigger than before in the depth of your soul.

You’ve lost count of how many guys dumped your miserable ass with some variation of “you talk about suna too much”. Like you could just turn your heart off for him on command.

Not that any of them gave a shit about you either — most of them just wanted a warm body for the night, which, honestly, is probably all you’re good for.

Sometimes you wonder if Rin also sees you just as a piece of meat.

Maybe he’s just really good at acting like a friend.

You tell your friends that it’s just physical and there’s no way you’d fall for someone like him, but you can’t tell them that the idea of him seeing you just as a good fuck and nothing more hurts you more than it should do.

“i’m going to italy in a few weeks,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed next to your half-asleep body, a strawberry lollipop lazily tucked between his lips.

You remove your sheets and sit up slowly before replying: “Okay.”

It’s going to be okay. It’s not the first time he’s gone out of the country, and he always comes back to you, be it in a month or two. You’ve done it before, you can do it this time too. It’s not a big-

“I don’t know when i’ll be back.”

Silence.

Usually, you’re good at hiding your feelings from him, keeping them caged under your throat, unspoken truths that you gulp down like heavy crumbs, but today you are doing a terrible job at that.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” It slips out a little too rough for your liking, a little too desperate.

“I got a sponsorship for an italian team and I want to see where this takes me. If it doesn’t work out in Italy I may shift to Spain or Sweden like Kageyama. I don’t think I’ll be back for a while.” He quickly glances at you, as if scared to meet your eyes. fucking coward.

You sit in silence, letting his words sink, letting the emotions stabilize and settle down for once.

You nod, “I see, i get it.”

You don’t. You don’t get it at all, any of it, but you can’t let him see you this weak.

You pick up your things, from the underwear thrown across the room to the toothbrush you left in his bathroom. You kiss him one last time, a simple peck on the lips - soft, quick, nothing like you want it to be, but you hope it will leave his lips burning, and you wave him goodbye, trying your best not to look at the broken expression he’s giving you. You can’t.

Driving back to your house feels sour and empty and when you open the door to your room the first thing you see is a small polaroid on your nightstand, a picture of Rin lying in the grass, smiling wide, while Luffy, his corgi, lays atop of him, snuggling his nose in it’s owner’s neck, and then there’s you, a blur of hands and open mouth at the edge of the frame because you couldn’t make it in the picture. Yet, it was one of the prettiest pictures you’ve ever taken of Rintarou.

You stare at it long enough to feel your heart cracking bit by bit.

And you break.

Reblogs are really appreciated!

[antithetical-bolter]

Hi everyone, here’s a WIP that fell out of my brain tonight.

4.5k words | Robby x Original Female Character

Seasoned ER nurse Iris had been treated to the best sex of her life almost exactly a month ago - from the attending she’s been low-key in love with for longer than she’d like to admit. Now, she’s sitting in her bathroom staring at three separate positive pregnancy tests. Unfortunately for her, Robby had dipped before she woke and has all but ghosted her since.

Title TBD? Pls suggest Taylor Swift themed titles if you have any.

This is the second fic I’ve ever posted anywhere and my first time posting to tumblr so pls be kind to me (but still tell me if you hate it), It’s also very much a first draft with minimal editing so keep that in mind

Well, shit.

That is most definitely two pink lines.

On three different tests. Iris Elizabeth McDowell, you fucking idiot.

Just my fucking luck, that getting tipsy and fucking the very hot and vey emotionally unavailable attending would result in a god damn pregnancy. I’d been blissfully ignorant the last 6 weeks, my periods have never been all that regular but as soon as the nausea and the sore boobs hit I knew it was time to face the music. And sure enough, the music was telling me that I was pregnant. With Michael Robinavitch’s baby.

Robby, who has barely made eye contact with me past what was required for patient care since it happened. Robby, who let it slip at the bar that he had been interested in me for months now. Robby, who I was unfortunately in love with. Had been for an embarrassingly long time now, so him up and leaving the morning after the best sex of my life triggered a full blown crisis. Almost a decade of pining, all for one (admittedly spectacular) night. He briefly had me considering switching jobs, but decided I wouldn’t let a man dictate my life. Even if it was that man.

Do I want to keep it? I think so. Should I want to keep it? Probably not.

It’s not like I’m some young new grad nurse who doesn’t have a career. I’ve been an ER nurse for 10 years now, working at the Pitt for all but the first two. I occasionally fill in for the charge nurses, I’m damn good at my job, and I have a great support system. But the thought of having to tell Robby that I’m carrying his child? Genuinely makes me want to puke. Again.

I have money, a 2 bedroom condo, a regular enough schedule that daycare wouldn’t be an issue. But do I really want to be a single mom? Put my body through the fucking wild ride that is pregnancy? Oh god. Pregnancy scrubs? The absolute worst. Not to mention actually giving birth.

Thankfully, the universe has seen fit to give me a single win in all this, and I have the next 4 days off to figure out how to be normal at work again. First order of business - call my OB. A brief phone call later, I have an appointment for 9:45. Just over two hours from now.

Fuck, I could really use my mom right now. Not like we were ever super close, with her living on the west coast and me getting the fuck out of my tiny ass hometown right after high school, but I’d like the option to call her and freak out. Both her and my dad were killed in a car accident just over three years ago, and somehow this scenario had never crossed my mind. Cue the tears - but they feel cathartic. A release I desperately need right now.

My therapist is going to lose her ever-loving mind. A quick look on her patient portal reveals that she has an opening this afternoon, so I guess that makes 2 wins from the universe for me today. I’ll take what I can get.

***

I am very picky about my medical providers. Working in the field myself means I have seen some shit doctors, and I just flat out refuse to put my care in the hands of someone I don’t trust. My OB is the best of the best, and she’s really earning her copay right now.

The transvaginal ultrasound was quick, confirming that I definitely have something cooking in there. The tech asked if I wanted to hear the heartbeat - but I said no. I’m right at the six week mark so a heartbeat can be heard at this point but I am not ready for that just yet. Not until I decide what I want to do. My OB, bless her, ran me through all of my options. She knows I know them, I’m an ER nurse after all, but it’s like all my schooling and experience fell out of my brain the second the stick(s) turned pink.

She encouraged me to take my time in making a decision. I have a few weeks to make a choice either way. We went through what it would look like to keep, terminate, and adopt. Having all the information laid out in front of me makes me feel both better and far worse.

She also tells me that no matter what the father wants, this is my choice. That I should lean on my people, and find someone I trust to tell. That if I do decide to terminate, I need to have someone with me after I take the medications to make sure everything progresses as it should.

I leave the appointment armed with 4 different pamphlets and 3 sonogram images that I have yet to look at.

Therapy is significantly harder. Erica, bless her, has been my therapist since I moved to Pittsburgh for college almost 15 years ago. She knows me far too well. Immediately clocks that it must be hard to be dealing with all of this without my mom’s support, which triggers a crying spell. Once I’ve recovered from that, we move on to how I’m going to tell Robby.

“I don’t know, Erica. He has barely looked at me since we slept together, I can count the non-patient related words he’s said to me since then on one hand and none of them were particularly nice.” That man needs therapy more than anyone I’ve ever met. He’s an incredible doctor and great to his friends, but ever since he fucked up his relationship with Collins so badly that she left the state he’s been especially moody.

“How do you think he’s going to react to this?”

“Not particularly well. He’ll freak out, not speak to me for a few days, and then inevitably come back around and say that he’ll help me with whatever I choose. I know that if I decide to keep it that he would help, but that it would be out of obligation and that is not what I want. I would never keep him away from his kid, but I can almost guarantee that I would be eternally fucked up over it.” Erica nods thoughtfully, taking a pause to formulate a reply that won’t send me over the edge.

“Maybe you should start by telling someone else, then. Maybe Samira, or Dana? Someone who will support you unconditionally without any emotional baggage taking up space in the back seat. They could help you decide what to say when you tell him, and support you if it goes as poorly as you think it will.” She gives me a very pointed look before continuing. “Also, and really think about this before brushing it off, maybe this conversation between you and Robby will help you both. A push that requires communication where there is a gap right now.”

“I - I, ugh. I just really, really don’t want to have to do this with him. He really hurt me when he just up and fucking ghosted me. Especially because he spent the whole night prior telling me that he’s been wanting to kiss me for months, and a whole bunch of other shit that he clearly didn’t mean.” He doesn’t seem like the type to spout bullshit to get a woman into bed with him, but I really cannot come up with another reason for him to be acting this way.

“It’s fair and reasonable for you to be scared. And if he screws this up, you have my blessing to tell him to fuck off. But no matter what you choose, you will be okay. It might suck for a while, but you will come out the other side.” The unspoken words are loud - that I will be okay but that it’s going to take a while for me to get there.

“I know you’re right but it’s hard to see right now.” Pretty much impossible, actually.

“That’s okay, I’m here to remind you. Your homework this week is to tell someone you trust.” Sad that I don’t consider the father someone I trust, but he definitely is not making that list right now.

“I’m going to call Dana literally as soon as we hang up - Samira’s working right now.” She nods in response, flashes me what I’m sure is supposed to be a reassuring smile but it just doesn’t land. We schedule an appointment for next week and then we hang up. I give myself 10 minutes to spiral before I pick up the phone and call Dana.

***

Dana picks up her phone on the third ring.

“Hey, kid! Where are ya?” I can hear the sounds of what is likely a bar or restaurant in the background and belatedly realize that there’s ER social plans today - most of day shift is gathered at the sports bar near the hospital to watch the first Penguins game of the regular season. Hockey is one of the few sports I will watch voluntarily, and I definitely told Dana I would try and make it out tonight.

“Shit, Dana. I totally spaced, had a bit of a personal crisis. Can I call you later? When you aren’t surrounded by our coworkers?” I hear a booming laugh in the background and immediately place it as Robby’s. Just my fucking luck. “Can you just, uh - text me when you leave the bar?”

“No, Iris, wait. Are you okay?” Her voice changes, drops lower and sounds muffled. Like she’s covering her mouth while she speaks in an effort to afford me some privacy. She knows something happened between Robby and I, and has had a front row seat to whatever the fuck is going on right now so she’s sensitive to the fact that I might not want him knowing about said personal crisis.

“I mean, okay is not really the word I would use but I’m safe and not currently in any physical danger.” Very much not okay, but I don’t want to make her change her plans for me. It’s so rare that we’re all able to see each other outside the Pitt and I know she values this time with her friends.

“Iris, honey. What’s wrong?” I don’t answer, but I do start to cry. My best efforts at keeping my sobs quiet are unsuccessful. “You know what, never mind, I’m just gonna come over. Hang tight, okay?” I hear the screech of a chair as she scoots back and presumably stands up. Her voice is quieter as she speaks next, having moved the phone so she can talk to whoever else is at the table. “Change of plans, guys. I have to go. Enjoy the game and I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

The crying has not slowed in the thirty seconds it takes her to get outside.

“Dana, really, I appreciate it but you can stay and finish the game. I can wait.” I must not convince her, because she laughs at me. Fairly so, given that my words are very much broken up by sobs.

“Absolutely not. I’m on my way, I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

She arrives in eight.

I’m waiting by the door, and open it before she has a chance to knock. I’m still crying - no longer sobbing, but a pretty steady stream of tears track their way down my cheeks. I see the question forming on her lips but I beat her to it and hold out my three positive tests for her to see.

“Are we happy? Shopping? Making an appointment at the clinic?” Classic Dana - no big reaction, just thoughtful statements of action. Unfortunately I don’t know what I want.

“I don’t know yet. Took the tests early this morning and was able to get in last minute to see OB this morning to confirm it. I’m just about 6 weeks along and I have no fucking clue what I want to do.” She closes the door behind her and immediately pulls me into a tight hug. Rubs my back with one hand and runs the other through my hair, tells me that it’s okay to not know what I want and that she’s here for me no matter what. Does not ask me who the father is. Unfortunately that is the biggest piece to this puzzle and I know I need to tell her.

We move to my couch and she makes me drink some water before continuing to fill her in. I decide it’s best to just fucking do it - no preamble and no backstory.

“Robby’s the father.” That stops her in her tracks for a second. Her eyes go wide and I can tell she’s working extremely hard to keep her own emotions under wraps.

“Well, shit. So that ‘thing’ that happened between you guys in August was sex?” I nod. “And, let me hazard a guess here, he freaked the fuck out and now he’s unable to act normal around you.” I nod again.

“That about sums it up. He left before I woke up and any effort I made to talk to him about it ended with him getting snippy and walking away from me. My texts went unanswered so I just stopped trying.”

“What an asshole - I’m so sorry, Iris.” She leans over to pull me into another hug. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I mean I kinda have to, don’t I? Would be a real dick move of me to not tell him about this. Even if he doesn’t deserve me speaking to him ever again.”

“I think that depends on what you decide you want to do. If you want to keep it, then yeah you’re gonna have to tell him. But if you don’t, then we go to the clinic this week and he remains none the wiser. Either choice is okay, whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you.” I take a deep breath, enjoying having her here to support me.

“See that’s the thing, my first instinct is that I want to keep it. I’ve always thought that I could go either way on having kids, but now that it’s staring me in the face I can’t imagine not going through with it.” Saying it out loud all but confirms my decision - this is happening. I’m going to have a baby. And I’m going to have to tell Robby.

“Then that’s what will happen. I’ve got your back through all of it, and if you want me to hide upstairs while you tell Robby I can do that. I’ll even chase him out if he acts a fool.” She’s serious, and I love her for that.

“Might not be a terrible idea. The last thing I want is for him to be involved purely out of obligation.” I debate stopping there, not divulging the depths of my (unadvised) feelings for him, but I’ve already gone this far so what’s the harm. “I’m like, stupidly in love with that man. Have been for a long time, and I was happy to have it kinda live in the background of my life up until recently. He approached me at that party we had for Jesse and we hit it off, and he was really sweet. Told me that he’s been wanting to kiss me for months and that he hasn’t been able to get me out of his head. We each had a few drinks, but I wasn’t drunk. A little tipsy for sure, but sober enough to consent and be smart about it. Then he was gone when I woke up and you’ve seen how he’s been since then.” She grimaces a little before responding.

“Yeah, he’s been in rare Robby form. Very broody. But, Iris, I really think he meant what he told you. Handled it terribly for sure, but he’s so thoroughly fucked up in the past that his ex literally left the state. He’s probably just trying to protect you in his own, very fucked up way.” I laugh and try to wipe away the tears staining my face, but they just keep coming.

“Well he’s doing a terrible job. Is it crazy of me to make him go to therapy before I let him really be involved? Is that, like, blackmailing?” The last thing I want out of all this is for my kid to be hurt in the same way - their dad hot and cold, unable to really make a commitment to be present in their life.

“Maybe a bit, but I fully support you in that. I actually think that’s plenty reasonable, and if he gives you pushback then he’ll hear about it from me.” So quick to jump in and support me, even when the problem is one of her best and longest friends. “If it makes you feel any better, the second I said your name at the bar earlier he looked like he was two seconds away from taking my phone and checking on you himself.” A mirthful laugh escapes me at that, it does not make me feel better.

“Then blackmail it is. Now, how the fuck am I supposed to have this conversation with him when I can’t even get him to say three consecutive words to me that aren’t directly work related?”

We spend the next hour brainstorming, and by the time she leaves I feel better. I have a loose plan, my tear ducts have long since run dry, and I no longer feel like I’m about to fuck my whole life up.

I make myself a list before I go to sleep - things I need to buy for first trimester health, food I should avoid, and symptoms I’ve been experiencing so I can be as informed as possible.

My list exhausts me (that, and the tiny human I’m currently cooking) and I fall into a blissful, dreamless sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

***

I spend the next three days making more lists. Baby names, furniture, birth plans. If there’s a relevant list to be made - it’s currently up on my fridge.

My first day back at work since The Event (TM) is fine, I guess. Dana greets me with a hug and a quiet check in, and while this isn’t that out of the ordinary it is unusual that she pulls me off the floor to do it. I feel Robby’s eyes track us as we walk back in from the ambulance bay, especially when we get closer and Dana does not smell like she’s just come back from a smoke break.

I treat Robby to his own taste of the silent treatment. No niceties, no attempts at small talk. Strictly patient care and work related conversations, and honestly conversations is a generous word. Terse exchanges is more accurate. I don’t let it get in the way of my job, and if I do say so myself I really knock it out of the park nursing wise.

Three shifts pass in this manner, three shifts where I can feel him fucking watching me like he knows something is up. Thirty-six hours of me sitting on the biggest fucking secret I’ve ever kept when all I really want to do is yell “Hey, fuckface! You ghosted me and it sucked, and I’m fucking angry about. By the way, I’m pregnant with your child. Get some god damn therapy if you’d like to be involved!” And then walk out, leaving him to stand with the aftermath of his actions.

But, unfortunately, I am professional adult so I don’t do that. I do heavily fantasize about it though.

Samira notices that something is up right away, but she is also on a long stretch of shifts so we agree to hang out when our work weeks are both done. We meet for breakfast at the closest Denny’s and she spits her coffee out when I tell her that not only did I sleep with Robby, but that there’s going to be literal life long consequences for it come early June.

“Oh my god. I would ask if you’re okay, but I think I can answer that myself. When are you going to tell him?” I shrug as I finish my bite of French toast.

“Great question. He’s been fucking frosty towards me lately and it doesn’t have me feeling very generous towards him. I know he deserves to know but god the thought of that conversation makes me want to punch a wall.” Another bite of toast. “I know that a few weeks after we slept together was the anniversary of Pitt Fest and Adamson’s death, but the way he’s been treating me does not make me want to tell him. It makes me want to be spiteful and keep it from him until the last possible second, so he can be as blindsided as I feel right now. Very immature of me, and I won’t do that but it’s nice to entertain it for a bit.”

“He’s clearly fumbling the bag pretty hard right now, but you and I both know he’s going to do the right thing.”

“I know, and that’s almost worse. If he’s going to be all emotionally constipated while attempting to be present I am going to lose my shit. Dana said she thinks I am well within my rights to threaten him with therapy, so I think that’s my game plan.”

“That’s - that’s actually a great idea. If anything will get that man into therapy it’s the threat of potentially fucking up his child’s life.” She chuckles a bit. “Can I tell Jack? I will obviously swear him to secrecy but it might be nice to have him in your corner.”

“Please do - but if he tells Robby before I do I will kill him.”

“And I will help you hide the body. Also, he’s picking me up from this meal so if you’d like to fill him in yourself you’re about to have your window.” Like she summoned him, Jack Abbot walks in the door. He immediately finds Samira and she waves him over.

I decide that I do not have another long, emotional story in me and just spit it out.

“Hi, Jack.” He looks at me a little weird, we’re friendly at work but I don’t think I’ve ever called him by his first name before. “Welcome to the party, you’re about to hear some very classified information so prepare yourself.” He stares at me, a little stunned, but I just keep on talking. “I’m pregnant and keeping it. Robby’s the father, but I haven’t told him yet.” His jaw drops open, and he has to open and close it a few times before actual words come out.

“Uhhh, wow. Fuck. Are you, uhm, are you going to tell him?”

“I mean, yeah. Not sure when or how, but yeah. What’s your opinion on me using this as an opportunity to threaten him into therapy?” This gets a loud, genuine laugh from him.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. You want my therapists number? I’ve given it to him multiple times but he’s clearly never used it.” Abbot doesn’t wait for me to answer, just pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to me. “Are you doing okay? Managing symptoms alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks. Freaking the fuck out, but okay.” With that, I decide I’ve had enough social interaction for the day. “Now that all that’s out of the way, I’m going to head home. Samira, love you, thanks for the support, and Jack I’m a little sorry to drag you into all this but thankful that you’re here anyway.” I leave them at that, dropping enough cash to cover my meal and all but running to my car so I can have my next meltdown in peace.

***

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I let another two full weeks pass before I even consider telling Robby. Erica, Dana, and Samira are all on my case a little bit but ultimately don’t push me too hard.

It takes an extra long session with Erica, complete with roll play and multiple outcomes of the conversation for me to feel even slightly ready to broach the subject with him. We decide that I’ll attempt to talk to him after our next shift together, a rare night where neither of us have to be in the next morning.

Dana knows, and as she leaves out the ambulance bay doors she shoots me a very encouraging thumbs up and a ‘call me!’ While I wait for him to leave. I don’t have to wait much longer. 10 minutes pass before I see him walk out, backpack slung over his shoulders and thick winter jacket thrown on like it’s armor. He doesn’t turn his head to look at me as he passes.

I parked at the very end of the lot today, hoping to use my car as an excuse to follow him for a bit. As we approach my green Honda CRV, I know it’s time to bite the bullet.

“Hey, uh, Robby? Can we talk for a sec?” He pauses, takes an AirPod out, and turns to face me. He looks like shit. Tired, like he hasn’t had a good sleep in weeks. I feel mean for thinking it, but I’m glad he’s getting just as much (little?) rest as I am.

“I’ve got somewhere to be, Iris. Now’s not a good time.” He maybe facing me, but he’s not really looking at me. Fucking infuriating.

“It won’t take long, please. It’s kinda important.” Fuck him for making me plead to have a conversation - this is starting to feel a little humiliating. I can feel the tears forming and threatening to spill out, but he isn’t looking at me so he doesn’t see them.

“Not now. There isn’t really anything for us to talk about. I have to go, I’ll see you later.” And with that, he’s got his AirPod back in and is walking away. Fucking dick. The hot sting of rejection sits heavy in my chest, and I have to take a few minutes before I feel steady enough to drive home.

I work myself up pretty well on the way home, moving from shame to anger. I kick my shoes off in the entry way and slam my bag down, feeling like I need to scream. I decide a run will suffice and quickly change into my running gear. As I slip on my shoes and grab my running belt I decide there’s something I need to do first, and pull my phone out to send the riskiest text I’ve ever sent.

Iris (7:58pm)

Hi, asshole. I have been working up the nerve to talk to you for weeks, but since I apparently don’t deserve even five minutes of your time I guess this is how you’re going to find out.

I attach a picture of the tests and hit send, and then immediately send a follow up.

Iris (7:59pm)

Before you have the fucking audacity to ask, yes it’s yours and I’ll be keeping it.

I immediately put my phone on do not disturb and start my watch so I can track my run. I hit the pavement with a vengeance. My feet feel heavy beneath me, and it takes me longer than usual to feel warmed up enough to really run. I play my angriest playlist, and run until I no longer feel like murdering the father of my unborn child.

I hit my favorite smoothie place on my way home, and as I walk and warm down I call Dana.

“So I told him.” She gasps. “But, uh, over text. I tried to talk to him as he left but he blew me off and I was just so fucking angry and maybe jumped the gun a little, but it’s done now.”

“How are you feeling about it, hon?”

“Terrified. Have not checked to see if he’s responded. A little elated? But like, in a manic way so maybe that’s not a good thing.” Dana laughs and reassures me.

“It’s alright, kid. That’s a big step you just took and you tried to do it in person, so fuck it. You want me to come over?” She asks, just as I turn the corner onto my street. My heart all but stops as I see an unfortunately familiar suburban parked in front of my house, and my breathing stops with it when I see that the man himself is sitting on my front steps.

“Ah fuck.”

“He’s at your house, isn’t he?” She’s far too smart for her own good, or maybe she just knows him too well.

“Yup.” God dammit, past Iris. Did you really have to send those texts?

“I can still come over if you want.” Seriously considering taking her up on that.

“No, I’ll handle him. But, maybe later? If and when I need to cry about this?”

“I’ll be waiting by the phone. You’ve got this, kid. Give him hell.”

[batsandbirdbrains]

You have me so invested in this “Dick is actually younger than what he said” AU that it’s crazy omg. The angst possibilities are endless, but for now I'll focus on fluff/family feels. Bruce definitely somehow becomes even more overprotective once he finds out.

If it's when Dick is still small Robin (actual age 6, portrayed age 9/10) he tries to give Dick safer missions or have him go on less patrols. Of course this backfires as Dick is a feral child he won't stop being Robin and taking on dangerous cases. He just sneaks out more and Bruce finally caves in and treats him like he used to lol

If Bruce finds out when Dick is supposed to be a teenager (actual age like 12, portrayed age 14/15) then Bruce becomes overbearing about Dick's friendships. Dick is still young enough that he only has crushes (if YJ maybe Zatanna, if TT maybe Kori) while Bruce is adamant that Dick is not allowed to date until he's like 30. Alfred vetoes this once Dick is actually 14/15 and someone asks him out who is close to his actual age. Bruce also disapproves of Dick's friendship with Roy because he feels that Roy is a bad influence/too old to be friends with Dick (Dick is of course offended and becomes closer friends with Roy partially to spite Bruce)

If Bruce finds out once Dick is actually over 18 and is Nightwing (meaning no longer living at Wayne Manor), he has a crisis that involves a lot of looking at old photos and videos of young Bruce and Dick. Mostly Bruce is upset because he probably negatively impacted Dick's growth very early on (I'm a pediatric nurse so the difference between a 5 year old and an 8 year is significant! Raising a 5 year old to the standard of an 8 year old would be very stressful for a 5 year old and lead to a lot of issues once they are older). He's also upset that he treated Dick like an adult once he was an older teen when Dick was emotionally still pretty young. But a little part of Bruce is a little happy that he got to be a part of his oldest son's life from a younger age and got to see him from preschool age.

Sorry for the long ask/HCs! I'd go into angst but I have even more ideas about that lol

Oh send all the ideas in send them in!! I love to read them!!

Bruce would absolutely feel guilty as hell no matter what age he finds out the truth. Because he’s convinced he ruined Dick’s childhood by being too oblivious to realize how obvious it was that his small child he adopted was actually an even smaller child. He knows what actual eight year olds look like. How did he let a five year old convince him he was that much older? He feels like such a failure of a father.

He just stares at pictures from the first few years he took in Dick and he can’t look away. He rewatches home videos and cries because Dick was really so teeny tiny itty bitty. God, he lost his two front baby teeth when he was with Bruce, those are like the first teeth kids start losing! How was Bruce so stupid?

But he’d been so cute with the little gap in his smile, his little lisp until his grown up teeth grew in, and it just went right over Bruce’s head.

Dick had slept in Bruce’s bed on and off for years, into his early teens even. Bruce thought maybe it was due to his patrolling, his being Robin, that maybe it made Dick more anxious than a normal kid or something. But really he’d been 10 or 11 when he stopped, when he started sleeping in his own room consistently, and Bruce finds out that that isn’t entirely abnormal.

He’s a late bloomer was an excuse Bruce always used. But he wasn’t. Dick was right on time for all his growth spurts and milestones.

It’s just such a fun trope and I don’t think I’ve actually seen it expanded on all that much tbh.

[diabolicalevil]

Which Primarchs would beg during a break up?

inspired by @ladyoflucky 's post thank youu for letting me do this

https://www.tumblr.com/ladyoflucky/787103199830081536?source=share

Lion El'johnson: highly unlikely. he would keep up an arrogant front to the bitter end of the break up. but in private he is a disaster, especially stuck on anger and depression of the stages of grief. in the 6 months he'll magically start appearing around you again

Fulgrim: oh my god, he's begging, he's crying. it's embarrassing. bar, I don't know, a war council infront of the emperor there is no place he wouldn't get on his knees and proclaim his love. he will stop at nothing to get his lover back

Perturabo: absolutely not. very stone faced the whole time but as soon as you leave he is flipping tables and destroying anything he made for you. very petulant man!

Jaghatai Khan: one of the more normal ones. by that I mean no, but he would ask why and ask you to stay. ultimately he is accepting of you moving on and he will too

Leman Russ: no, he's also too proud and quite rude during the break up. extremely torn up over it though, cause let's be honest he probably did something that warranted this. within time he'll calm down and maybe try to re-enter your life. if this is successful you'll get the full "baby baby please take me back baby baby please" (space wolves as back up singers included!)

Rogal Dorn: kind of paralysed the entire break up but obviously distraught. mere hours later after realising that by "over" you mean over he's knocking on your door and tripping over himself to make amends. he's expressive as a piece of paper but he folds like one too

Konrad Curze: You Will Not Be Breaking Up With Him. Sit Back Down.

Sanguinius: yeah,,, somehow more embarrassing than fulgrim. he looks like the world is crashing down on him. not many on this list would truly get on their knees and cry and grovel but he would and he'd mean every word of it

Ferrus Manus: no but he's hanging on by a thread internally. he immediately goes to self loathing and while he does understand and accept your answer every bone in his body is telling him to start begging for forgiveness

Angron: no :( he's sad about it too. he thinks this was inevitable and once the initial anger subsidies the misery is all consuming. but he probably couldn't bring himself to face you again

Roboute Guilliman: hes being very sensible about it in the moment., but perhaps a few days later he sees something that reminds me of you and it punches him in the dick SO hard. immediately launches a campaign to win you back so intense it might as well be begging

Mortarion: no, probably not. like angron hates himself and thinks this would have always happened but his anger manifests outwardly. days later he understands he blew it for good resigns himself to the lonely life he imagined before you

Magnus: yeah, I think so. not much begging in the moment but if that fails, he'll start doing a little bit of dream invasion privacy. pleading with you to take him back in your dream and if that too fails, he would consider altering your mind to a more favourable opinion of him

Horus Lupercal: yes but not in a screaming crying kinda way. he's on his knees but only to meet your eyes and speak to you on your level. waxing poetics about how you're the only respite from his never ending list of expectations and how every moment has brought him nothing but peace. asks for one final chance to make it right

Lorgar Aurelian: oh my god. oh my God. he's not just on his knees his head is on the floor, he would kiss your feet if not for the fact he wouldn't deign touch the divine without permission. his begging starts getting jumbled with scripture as he starts to believe this is divine punishment

Vulkan: if you're breaking up with him something out of both of your control has gone terribly wrong. from the bottom of his heart understands but he can't help but kneel infront of you and ask to embrace one last time if nothing else

Corvus Corax: no, but he understands and perhaps a part of him expected it. you're far too different to have stayed together long. he still vows to never let harm come to you

Alpharius/Omegon: another firm you are not breaking up with them. however if you did somehow get such a silly idea nothing is off the table to make you stay. if it's begging you want, then they beg. if all else fails diva ur going in the dungeonn

sorry if this is a bit dramatic but im truly of the opinion that astartes and primarchs experience emotion and sensations far more intensely than humans do. don't got shit to back it up but that's my opinion

[noctiva]

sorry guys I’m angsty today. here’s how some of the boys would break up w you.

Toby: Loud and messy. More angry than sad (the grief will come later). Tears streaming down his cheeks and shaking hands as he points an accusing finger at you. His entire body taut like he’s holding himself back from lashing out further. Calls you every name in the book. Says shit so cruel you’re left wondering how long those thoughts have been stewing in his brain.

Cuts you off in the middle of a sentence by storming out and slamming the door so hard it makes you ears ring. It’s the last time you ever see him.

You would really have to push him to the absolute brink for this to happen. Toby’s always one to try and work things out instead of letting his emotions get the best of him. He loves hard, and it’s unwavering. You’d have to do something pretty damn horrible for that to be snuffed out completely.

- “I c-can’t believe I wasted so much time on someone like you.”

-

Jack: Silent but brutal. Clinical and apathetic. He won’t be the one to actually start the fight or utter the final blow, he’ll just slowly push you away and ice you out until you’re the one to sever the ties. You can practically feel the affection leech out of him over the course of a few months. Doesn’t touch you unless you initiate it. His tone with you gets drier, more detached. Like the words you speak are muffled, and he’s just responding off of autopilot

When you finally do decide to end things, he doesn’t flinch. Barely bats an eye. He won’t fight you. He’ll agree the moment you even suggest splitting up. His ears twitch at the quiver in your voice but he won’t comment on it.

You’ll probably storm out out of frustration over his complete and utter nonchalance. He’ll be gone by the time you get back.

- “If that’s what you want.”

-

Brian: Completely out of left field. Completely blindsides you to the inner workings of his mind. Thought about ending it for months, but didn’t let it show even a little bit - continued on as normal, plastered that same old charming smile on his face, let the pet names roll off of his tongue just as smoothly as always. All while plotting the easiest way to let you down. He’s always been uncannily good at keeping his true intentions hidden, the mask he wears indistinguishable from his true self. Shame you didn’t find that out until it was too late.

He’ll take you out for a drive one night. Start the conversation out like normal. But when the silence between you starts to stretch, it feels heavier than it ever has. When he finally speaks again, he doesn’t beat around the bush. No sugarcoating, no preheating the dread by starting off with ‘we need to talk’. He just says it, point blank. Peers at you out of the corner of his eye to gauge your reaction.

And of course you’re shocked. Of course you cry. But it doesn’t really phase him. He’s been preparing for this for ages now. When he comforts you, it sounds hollow.

He’ll drop you off at home with a weight lifted off his shoulders.

- “You didn’t actually expect to marry me, did you?”

-

Tim: He just leaves. Crawls out of bed while you sleep and silently packs his things into the closet bag he can find. He probably forgets a few things in the rush. He won’t miss them, but they’ll ruin your entire mood anytime you come across one of his old socks, or notice that his toothbrush is still sitting by the sink.

He’ll write you a note and leave it on your bedside table. Telling you how he’s sorry he was too much of a coward to say all of this to your face, but it’s just easier this way. He knew you’d cry. He knew you’d beg for him to stay. Doing it this way was a much cleaner break - on his end, at least.

He’ll tuck the sheets over you gently, lets his gaze linger on your face for a few moments too long - nearly long enough for him to just crawl back in bed and let this whole plan go to hell. But, that subsides rather quickly as his eyes scan across your sleeping face. You look so calm. So serene. So sweet.

He wasn’t deserving of you and he knew it. He had known from the start.

- “This was never going to work. I know you thought it would. I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

-

Cody: Just shuts you out completely. The breakup version of ‘quiet quitting’. In his mind, the moment he starts to get the urge to do so - you’re already broken up. Shuts himself in his lab for hours on end and doesn’t let you in like he used to. Makes up excuses about how it ‘needs to be a sterile environment’ and that he ‘can’t afford distractions’.

Goes back to wearing his gloves around you. Wanting that barrier that he had broken down for you to go right back up again. Brushes you off every time you try to make plans with him. Short, one word answers every time you speak. Like Jack, his ultimate goal is for you to just get fed up and end things before he can, but unlike Jack - he’s less patient.

It irritates him how you try to cling on. How you just roll over and let him treat you like this just because you’re reluctant to lose him.

One day, he’ll just hit you with it. Short and sweet. And he’s walking back off and locking himself up in his lab before you can even get a reply out.

- “Your inability to take a hint is mind boggling. We’re done. Why can’t you get that?”

-

Habit: Kills you. He had joked about it when you first got together. How once he’s tired of you, he’ll just lob your pretty head clean off. It wasn’t actually a joke. You should’ve probably guessed that.

He just can’t be bothered. Would much rather avoid everything that came with a real, formal breakup. The tears, the bartering, the desperate pleas. All just trivial human emotions that irritate him so much it makes him feel nauseous. He’d much rather just put an end to that before it can even start.

How he does it depends on what mood you catch him in. Maybe he’s feeling merciful and does it in your sleep. Slits your throat so quick that you barely even have time to wake up before you’re choking on your own blood. Maybe he’s just fed up. Strangles you with his bare hands jusy so that he can watch the fear flood into your eyes - knowing that he’s serious this time.

Doesn’t even bury you. Throws you in a lake and walks off like nothing happened.

- “I told you this would happen.”

[straykidsnerd255]

This idea has been eating at my brain for the past couple of days honestly. How do you think the Saja boys would react to a reader who's a member of a band like the hex girls from Scooby doo. Just like the witchy vampire vibes with the more rock music style

This is a good idea! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write it!<3 Hope you enjoy these little drabbles for our Saja Boys!

Jinu:

When he found out you were part of a band that had a witchy vampire vibe, he was curious and intrigued to see one of your performances. He even was able to catch you getting ready for one of the concerts and sat and watched you, his chin in his palms as you took your time to get ready. Your black dress had a deep blue hue to it and your dark midnight blue hair made Jinu want to run his fingers through it. You slipped fake fangs into your mouth and smiled for Jinu to help you adjust them. 

“Do these fangs look as normal as they can?” You asked, smiling in the mirror and waiting for his answer. Jinu hummed before standing from where he was sitting and gently turned you to face him. “Open your mouth for a second, they look slightly crooked. Jinu said, completely unaware of the absolute blushing mess you are now. He carefully fixed the fangs and smiled softly. “There. Fixed.” He said. 

Jinu is so freakin proud of you. Watching you from the front row, rocking out with the rest of your band. Granted, the music that you and your band sang was more on the rock side than what he was used to, doesn’t mean he won’t spend the rest of his days listening to your music when he is alone. He’s gonna support his girlfriend no matter what. 

Abby Saja:

This man is rocking out to your music as you practice, your fingers strumming the guitar as the rest of your band continues to play. You smile as your lips pull over the fake fangs that were customly made for you to fit the witchy vampire style of your band. He will spend your entire practice session just lounging on the couch in the garage of your home, his head bobbing to the music as you play. (Abby is a baker and you can’t change my mind) he will prepare treats and snacks for you and your band when you need to take breaks, refilling the snacks and soda when needed.

He may not be totally interested in rock music but he is interested in your rock music. You are the only person that can make him listen to rock music. More specifically, he will only listen to your music. The one you write, and make and produce with your band. No other rock band will come close to you and your band. He will go to every single concert you have and cheer the loudest for you. He has your face on a shirt he made specifically for you.

After your latest concert, he is holding you on his lap, pressing kisses to your face as you laugh and playfully try to push him away. “You did so good tonight my love. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.” Abs said, watching your eyes widen before the softest look filled your eyes and you laid your head on his shoulder. You hummed before pulling Abs in for a kiss, a smile on your lips. “Thank you for supporting me through the late night band practices and concert madness.” You said, when you pulled away for air. Abs smiled. “Anything for my girl.” He whispered.

Mystery Saja:

He is your number one fan. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. He is the first to your concerts, the first to buy barrier tickets, and the first to absolutely go bat shit crazy when it comes to cheering for you. You were always smiling when you saw him in the crowd, dancing and jamming out to your music. You sang with your whole heart, for your fans to scream and cheer your name but you were singing to Mystery. You were staring at him the whole time you sang on the stage. Smiling when he would blush and turn away. 

He was there for you during band drama, practices that turned to late night concert shows. He was there when you felt like giving up and throwing it all away. He was there when you got sick but needed to continue revamping the songs. He was there for you when your band came late to a practice without a care in the world. (He scared the absolute shit out of them by threatening them…and maybe growling at them). When you break down and sob into his chest in odd hours of the morning, he is there, holding you and whispering that everything will be alright. 

The last concert that you performed, Mystery had tears filling his eyes as you danced across the stage, your custom fangs glinting under the lights and the smoke swirling around you made his heart thud in his chest but also gave him visions of you being the perfect bride. He knew that you were having the time of your life dancing and singing to the thousands of fans that screamed and cheered around him but it felt like you were singing only to him at that moment. 

Romance Saja:

He is giving you fashion tips and helping you find the perfect outfit. He gushes when you give a little fashion show of the outfits that he helped you pick out for the biggest concert you have ever performed. He is helping you pull up your hair in a half bun, helping with your makeup, dusting off your dress before running his hands down your arms before taking your hands in his. He tells you how proud he is of you and that he will be in the crowd with the rest of his band cheering you on the loudest. 

Romance is a very involved boyfriend when it comes to your practices. He would ask Jinu if you and your band could use the studio to practice the songs you created. He is absolutely in love with your singing when you started practicing your songs while he and his group were still there. Your concentration, the sound of your voice bouncing off the walls as you practiced your parts made his heart drum against his ribcage. He is such a sucker for you and it's so cute when he holds you in his arms when you finish your concerts. His face is buried in your neck while you laugh, hugging him close to your body as he praises your performance

He is cheering the loudest as you and your band appear on stage. You smile when his voice fills the stadium. You and your band immediately jump into your performance, you singing with the brightest smile on your lips as you swirled around on stage while singing. When the concert comes to an end, he is waiting for you in your dressing room, with flowers, and the biggest grin on his lips. “I am so proud of you, my love. You did so amazing out there I can’t even express how jaw dropping that performance was.” He said, leaning forward and pressing a simple but loving kiss to your lips.

Baby Saja:

He will actually beg for you to let him join in on at least one song. Promising that it will make the song sound so good. You do and are simply surprised at the result. Baby Saja is always there during rehearsals and is there adding his opinions that could help the band. You thank him every time he adds in something when the band doesn’t agree on a specific problem that needs to be resolved. He is very observant when it comes to you and your band. He is always checking in on you and the band to make sure everything is going ok or if they need anything. 

When you finally get the chance to relax, Baby Saja is laying his head in your lap and curling closer to your figure. You run your fingers through his hair as he knows that helps calm you down. As you run your fingers through his hair, you begin talking about your concert you and your band are putting on but you're nervous. Scared that the fans won’t like the new songs that you and your band have worked so hard to make. Baby Saja is always there when you break down, tears streaming down your face when you grow so nervous.

He will reassure you and tell you that everything will work out. That you are the bed song writer and singer. He taps the fangs in your mouth and smiles boldly. “Witchy vampires are in right now. You and your band will be amazing. Trust me.” Baby Saja will say every time you doubt the fans will like your style and songs, and every single time, he is right. The fans scream and cheer as you and your band appear on stage, witchy vampire vibes and all. You smile as you see Baby Saja and his group in the crowd cheering and screaming out your names. After your performance, Baby is hugging you so tightly and kissing your face, laughing the sound of your giggling filling his head.

[hikarimiyanaga]

The Surprise

Sequel.

Uh. I forgot to say this was a Normal!AU in which they're all just kpop bands but with F!reader amongst them.

They're all humans.

Rumi and Jinu are just rivals.

And Mira and Zoey are going out.

You were at your house and scrolling through different job offers.

It's been a month since you quit.

When you quit being Huntr/X's assistant, you had enough savings to last you a decade of not working. If you didn't splurge or buy games.

But you did do those two things for like a whole week.

So that decade was halved and now here you are.

You sigh for the fifth time as you consider a manager gig.

"Fuck no. I don't want to see Rumi anymore." You say out loud but you know that it's an impossible thing to do. After all, she was a superstar. One for out of your house and you will somehow hear their newest single or one of their classics.

And it doesn't help that the trio somehow finds a new number everyday to call you.

You look through your house and sigh.

"Time to be productive." You clean your house that day while you wait for more job offers.

-

Rumi looks at everyone around the table and sigh.

"Still won't talk?" Zoey and Mira shake their heads.

"When she hears it's you, me or Mira, she immediately hangs up." Zoey says and Mira nods in agreement.

"Bobby?"

"She blocked me too! I was going to offer her a managerial job too."

"She probably doesn't want to. She probably wants to avoid Rumi as much as possible." Jinu says and Rumi scoffs at him.

"Shut up."

"I was just stating facts. If it was me trying to move on from someone who can't even tell the public that they love me? I would want to avoid them as much as possible." Everyone nods in agreement.

"You're not helping." Jinu holds his hands up.

"Just saying." Zoey gets a bright idea.

"Have YOU tried calling her?" Everyone looks at him.

"Hmm. I should give it a try."

-

You hear your phone ring and pick it up, hoping for another interview or job offer to come through.

"Hi. You've reached Y/N Y/LN. How can I-"

"You sound polite." The voice makes you freeze. It was familiar and not familiar.

"M-may I ask who this might be?" You sit on your couch.

"Jinu. I'm the leader of the Saja boys."

Ah. Rumi's new boyfriend. The one she told that you were just her assistant.

"Ah. Can I help you?" You can hear his chuckle.

"What a sudden change. You must hate me, right?"

"I don't hate you, Mr. Jinu. If this all you called for then-"

"It's not. Make sure to watch the Huntr/x's portion of interview later tonight. You'll find a surprise waiting for you."

"What?"

"I informed you. Oh. And one more thing. I absolutely have no interest in Rumi. She and I are purely work rivals."

"I-" He hangs up and you look at your phone.

"What the fuck?"

-

You were playing games on your console when you look at the clock.

The exact time those late night shows usually start.

"Fuck off. Stop thinking about her. Stop." You say to yourself but groan as you know your curiosity had already won.

"GOD! FUCK YOU, JINU!" You shout to your ceiling and save your game. You browse through the channels then stop as the screen shows Huntr/x appearing and sitting on the couch.

"Welcome back, everyone!" The host greets them warmly and the trio greets everyone.

"So. Your new single has been absolutely fire. Takedown has reached new records this week."

"It has truly been a blessing. Writing Takedown took so much out of us. We spent late nights buried in notebooks, lyrics and with our instruments." Zoey muses.

"I remember you always dragging Y/N to go on late night snack shopping."

"Right! Y/N! Most of your fans have noticed that your lovable assistant has been missing."

"What? The fuck????? ME???????" You question your life.

You????? PEOPLE NOTICE YOU?? HOW???

"Well, yeah. Y/N quit." Rumi says bluntly and everyone, the hose and audience gasp at the information.

"She did? Damn. That woman has always been a force of nature. Back when you guys first started, she always made sure you guys had more than enough screentime. I think if she could, she would the editor like a hawk." Everyone laughs at that, including the trio.

"Y/N has always been protective of us." Zoey says fondly.

"I'm telling you guys, she's really the true delinquent." Everyone chuckles at Mira's joke.

"She quit because of me. I was being insensitive. I was being secretive."

"Secretive? Of what?"

"My relationship with her." Everyone gasps and you freeze at her words. "Y/N and I are girlfriends. I never revealed it to the world because didn't want her to get hurt. For our fans to come after her." Rumi chuckles. "But to my surprise when she was just gone for a week, everyone looked for her." Rumi looks at the camera. "Thank you for caring about the girl that I love." Her words make your heart beat faster.

"So, is this you coming out? Are you saying that-"

"I'm bisexual. All three of us are." Mira and Zoey nod in agreement.

"And another announcement! Me and Mira have been dating for the past couple years!"

"That one was obvious, Zoey!"

"Yeah! Everyone knows!" Zoey shows a surprised at Mira who chuckles.

"Wait. They do?"

"Zoey, #MiraZoey always trend. Baby, you should really look at trend topics more." The endearment makes their fans squeal.

"I hope Y/N is watching this." Rumi looks at the camera then bows slightly. "I'm really sorry for making you wait. For saying you were only my assistant. But you're not. You're my partner in crime. My ride or die. You and your protective nature always shielded me and the girls. I have always loved you for that."

You turn off the TV quickly and you stare at the ceiling.

Why now?

Why do this when you left already?

"We both know why." The voice in your head says and you sob.

Because you were never enough.

Because you were just average.

Huntr/x and Saja Boys are gods. Idols.

What were you compared to them?

You cry to sleep that night.

-

You wake up to a loud knock on your door. You look around and see that it was just 6 am.

"Who the fuck knocks this early?"

"Y/N!" You scramble at the familiar voice. Why is your sister here at your house in the city??

You open the door and see Yuna.

"Finally. Pack your bags."

"What?"

"I'm dragging you back home. Pack for a week."

A/N:

Second part!

Third part is probably the last.

Probably.

Don't quote me.

Thanks for reading!

Donate if you can, because I'm still broke and PH economy is fucking annoying.

Ko-Fi is on my masterlist.

[rainrot4me]

The hc on Clockwork drawing Toby makes me wonder. What IS your opinion on Toby x Clockwork/Ticciwork?

Oh, where do I begin. To me, Ticciwork is like a gunpowder x lighter situation. They’re definitely exes who keep getting back together and splitting up again, but I feel a deep love for one-another that nobody else really gets.

Nat’s calculated, hardened, with a tight grip on her emotions—but she feels deeply. She’s the kind of person who would scoff at feelings while secretly craving stability, protection, someone who sees her scars and doesn’t flinch. She works with control—mechanical precision, trauma that forced her into maturity far too fast.

On the other hand, Toby’s chaotic, impulsive, and often out of touch with his own emotional landscape. He’s rough around the edges, but there’s this raw honesty in him that Nat would notice—and might even crave. His tics, his temper, his noise—those could unsettle her at first. But over time, I think she’d see the vulnerability beneath all of it.

Howeverrrrrrr, they’re manic. Put two crazy, traumatized people together and you’ll get an explosion before you get anything kind.

They break up at least three times a year. And every time, it ends the same way: with bruised lips, sharp words, and one of them slamming the door. But they never stay away. Toby throws things. Not at her—never at her—but around her. He can’t handle the silence. Can’t handle the thought of losing her. Natalie stands like stone, arms crossed, eyes burning. “You always ruin this. Why can’t you ever just be satisfied?” But two nights later, he’s outside her window, soaked in blood and rain, shivering like a kid. And she lets him in. Always.

They’ve seen each other at their worst. Not the messy proxy shit—the real stuff. The things no one else knows. She knows about the way he cries in his sleep but never lets the tears fall. He knows she doesn’t wind her clock when she’s overwhelmed—lets the ticking stop because she can’t bear to feel the time pass. They never talk about it. But they both remember.

Most nights, he finds her in the bathroom, floor tile cold against her legs, trembling hands trying to hold herself together. He sits beside her. Doesn’t say a word. Just slides a hoodie over her shoulders and rests his head on her knee.

Now for everyone’s favorite part, the sex.

It’s angry. Gripping. Desperate. Like they’re trying to punish each other for still loving this much. She claws at his back like she’s digging through all the silence between them. He leaves bruises on her hips like he’s trying to prove something—like maybe if he marks her up enough, she won’t leave again.

Afterwards, she curls into his chest, breath hitching.

“You’re the worst fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Yeah?” he rasps, lips at her neck. “Then why do you still co-come back?”

“Because no one else sees me like you do.”

He goes quiet. Pulls her closer. “Shut up.”

They date other people. Clockwork flirts to make Toby jealous. Toby fucks someone else to prove he’s “over it.” But it always feels wrong. Off. Like they’re wearing someone else’s skin.

They can be halfway across the country from each other and know when something’s wrong. She’ll wake up with a tight feeling in her chest. He’ll get that electric buzz in his bones. And eventually one of them shows up.

No matter how bad it gets, how many times they blow up, if someone else lays a hand on the other? They’re dead.

It’s toxic. But also? No one else has ever loved them like this. No one else ever will. They’re both so fucked in the head that nothing normal or soft would satisfy them. So, sure, they’re horrible and awful to be around, but no one else sees them the way the other does. That still doesn’t mean that Natalie won’t beat the absolute shit out of him. She has shot him before, she will do it again.

꩜ .ᐟ

[conelluwrites]

Getting Baby Trapped Headcanons

Featuring: Thanos (Choi Su-bong), Nam-gyu, and Hwang In-ho Warnings: manipulation, stealthing, dub-con, drug use (Thanos), AO3 link Explicit Masterlist here Other: I might do fics about this later... much 2 think abt

Choi Su-bong | Thanos

He doesn't do it maliciously, please believe him baby :((

He does it under the influence 100%

There's no pin pricks in condoms, no throwing your pills away, he absolutely does it just because he's high and thinks you'd be a cute lil mama

Please don’t be angry :((  He just loves you so much

He just says he’s got a condom on, but he definitely doesn’t

You’re not a stupid woman, you definitely know the difference, but he doesn’t care

When his drug addled brain finally clears up he does feel a bit guilty and begs for your forgiveness

When those two lines finally show up much to your chagrin, he jumps and fist bumps the air

Absolutely ecstatic, especially if you test positive during one of his high times

Please, cariño, we can do this.  Don’t be mad with me, baby girl.  You’d be the prettiest baby mama in the world.

Nam-Gyu

Does it maliciously, the fucker!

He gets scared you’ll leave him and instead of talking about it like a big boy he decides the best option is to knock you up

Does he want a kid?  Nah, not truly- he’d be a shit dad, that’s what he tells himself anyway

But that doesn’t matter-- what matters is keeping you tied to him with his bastard

Breaking up with him is still an option, but you’d still have to see him and he’d smooth talk you right back into his arms

Definitely stealths

Don’t try to call him out on this, he will belittle you mid-sex for being such a bitch.  How could you accuse him of something like that!

He’s a cocky ass when those two lines appear and you’ve been throwing up

Pats your back when you puke while covering his nose and tells you to hurry it up

Poor girl, huh…  I thought you were one of those proper women who use birth control.  Damn shame, oh well.

Hwang In-ho

He just wants a family with you, you’re his second chance

He’d never verbally call you a second chance, of course, and he doesn’t generally see you that way.  He adores you, practically worships the ground you walk on, please don’t doubt that he loves you

He’s more subtle, though he’s prepared if you call him out- pricking holes in the condom and convincing you that you don’t need birth control

After all, why do you need birth control?  Condoms have a low risk of failing, he knows what he’s doing, and you’ve complained about the side effects before

Definitely more manipulative than either Thanos or Nam-gyu.  He’s in this for the long con.  He doesn’t care how long this takes, how many cycles he has to wait through, he knows it’ll happen

Initiates sex more often, but not too much more than usual.  With your hormones back to normal after quitting birth control you start to initiate more often than usual

He holds you after sex, brushing his fingers up and down your arms and whispering sweet, calming words.  He always does after sex care, even when he’s gentle, but there’s even more gentleness behind his actions now

He’s so damn pleased when he sees you hold out the test to him, your face flushed and looking flustered

He takes it and sits it aside and then envelopes you in his arms, tucking your head into his neck

It seems we’ve been blessed, hm?  I suppose even at 98% effective that still gave us a 2% chance.  Well, no use in complaining about it.

[pacthesis]

im not kidding applebees all you can eat nearly killed me

had a great time

absolutely would do it again

PSA 1: if ur throwing up don't chug water and gatorade cause ur scared of dehydration (suck on ice cubes instead)

PSA 2: if ur like me and eating out makes you drink a lot of water/fluids and you have a habit of fasting when ur not hungry- that can be dangerous

im SO lucky to be alive and ok

i've written a long detailed diary entry mostly cause i want to comprehend what happened and never forget this:

first of all its not applebees fault

so friday the 13th lol (6/13/2025) me and pizza man do the all you can eat

my expectations were low but i really enjoyed it

except i tried the pecan blondie brownie dessert- shockingly terrible: dry and tasteless blondie, maple cream cheese sauce was actually gross imo (i don't think im picky especially when it comes to sweets) ice cream and nuts were fine though

but anyway i ate too much lmao

i like to challenge myself sometimes- i was mostly curious: "if i could still do it" (it was kinda my party trick in college)

i had fries, coleslaw, 2 portions of popcorn shrimp, 2 portions of riblets, 1 portion of chicken tenders- then the whole pecan blondie brownie (pizza man didn't try it cause he thought it smelled icky lol)

thought i was gonna puke (didn't happen though) i was SO full

***

next day saturday (6/14/2025) i felt fine but didn't eat all day and just had a slice of pizza, egg and hash browns with ketchup for dinner cause i wasn't really hungry

i almost didn't eat dinner- i'll admit maybe i was curious: "if i could do it"

earlier that day we went to a church sale and half price books and hung out with pizza man's childhood friend: we were talking about how when we cook we don't add salt cause usually it just tastes fine while we think its funny how pizza man loves things to taste very salty...

that night he apparently has a dream where pizza man is eating straight up salt to "balance out his levels" or whatever

***

sunday (6/15/2025) father's day: i wake up feeling normal and ask pizza man if he wants to go to target cause i wanna get this bow hair clip:

he says sure but after he does his typical morning run with his mom

then i have this headache as im washing dishes- i think its caffeine withdrawal- i have my morning coffee and take 2 ibuprofen

but it gets worse- i throw up a couple of times- i don't feel well enough to go to target (or anywhere)

pizza man offers to go get the bow hair clip for me and returns with it within the hour

i was so nauseous i couldn't eat all day or move much

maybe it was a migraine but it was a first

i felt sensitive to light and noise and wore sunglasses and earplugs but wasn't sure if it was just in my head from googling my symptoms (pizza man's mom thought it was so funny he was out ignorantly grinding a cast iron pan while i was inside cringing lol)- i was miserable with or without the noise and light tbh

i read on reddit that people have "migraine hangovers" afterwards and often craved mcdonalds and i was like "aw man i can't wait until i feel well enough to crave mcdonalds again!" lmao

im using a foot bath cause i read it can bring some relief to my misery- it actually kinda works

pizza man asks if its ok if he leaves to have father's day dinner with his family and i tell him its ok but he returns quickly because he's worried about me

when he returns i ask him to make me some oatmeal (with water- im worried milk will upset my gut) and to bring me raisins with honey then i took another ibuprofen and tylenol and an excedrin cause i was scared of having a stroke or heart attack (but immediately puked anyway)

i throw up into the foot bath, pizza man brings our (emptied) recycling bin over and i throw up into that too- im throwing up so much- so im chugging water, gatorade, pediatric (dose makes the poison)

pizza man actually kept these bottles because he thought some documentation would be helpful for the doctors:

(it was these 2 along with a few cups of water we believe)

there wasn't diarrhea and i knew it wasn't food poisoning but i've had it a few times in the past and dehydration scared me

i was like "im being smart- this is a close call- im gonna avoid going to the ER- im gonna show up for work tomorrow" then i time warped to wednesday in the hospital

i don't remember monday and tuesday

***

past midnight early into monday morning (6/16/2025) pizza man and his dad take me to the hospital cause im confused and can't talk right

i don't remember leaving the house

i don't even remember standing up from the end of the bed

apparently i walk- holding onto pizza man

he says i started drooling in the waiting room and that just seemed bad

they put me and pizza man alone in a room to wait for doctors and stuff- but then i vomit more and start foaming at the mouth and convulsing

im having a seizure- pizza man starts screaming for help and presses the call help button- obviously very traumatic for him to witness and watch

i have 4 seizures at the ER/ICU apparently

i had some predictions about my life and knew life was unpredictable in general but didn't expect at the age of 31 to be quote "the sickest person in the hospital"

they do a lumbar puncture into my spine to test for meningitis- it was negative

they insert the PICC line that goes to my heart (pizza man says "a really big guy" came and did it), IV and begin raising my sodium levels

they overcorrect at one point and ease down on it

before pizza man even contacted my parents my mom said she actually felt "things weren't right" that night somehow

doctor told my mom he was scared cause i was "healthy and young" and there was 7 things he could do for me

pizza man was heartbroken cause he wasn't sure if i would "come back"

he said it was very hard to leave the hospital without me (he didn't expect that- it felt wrong for him)

my mom said the hardest question for her was "is she full code?" (should we do every possible measure in order to save the patient's life?)

my mom said yes

i read through my long list of care notes and tests and i can see why the doctors were scared:

kidneys and organs were fine

no medications

no alcohol/drugs

no medical conditions

no history or family history of epilepsy seizures migraines

before my parents leave a doctor says "im taking amy away to do the stent on her heart" and my mom was like "i thought nothing was happening tonight??" but doc leaves and goes "i cannot discuss that with you"

then a nurse comes to apologize to my parents and tells em "the doctor feels stupid- the stent is for the patient in the next room"

my mom woulda preferred if he came to apologize for himself of course

there was a band with a barcode on my wrist and we believe there is a system to confirm and keep people from getting mixed up but it was still spooky for my family to experience that

pizza man says at one point they asked him and my parents to leave the room so they could ask me some things- later when im released he asked if i remember what the questions were (i confirm i don’t remember monday or tuesday- not that i mind)

***

tuesday (6/17/2025) they hooked all these wires up to my head to check for brain activity but afterwards my mom said i was greasy and kinda "gross" looking lol

so she and my dad spent an hour and a half washing my hair

then i opened my eyes and the doctors got excited- they tried sticking me in an MRI machine but i tried to crawl out cause they put me on ativan

the neurologist kept asking me stuff like "how many nickels are in a dollar?", "what is this called? (pointing to watch face or watch band)" and "where are you right now?" (i kept saying "hopkins" for whatever reason- doc asked "why is she saying that? what is hopkins? did she go to hopkins high school? and my parents were like no! pizza man was like "aw man if amy lives through this she will just think this is so funny")

pizza man thinks "hopkins" just kind of sounds like "hospital"

but the neurologist said it was hard to tell if i got brain damage or if it was the ativan lol

my mom kept asking me "who is this??" and pointing to family members that visited:

i knew my mom and dad

for pizza man i said his name sweetly (we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary last month may 2025)

for my father-in-law i answered with his name but seriously (that made pizza man think "oh maybe amy is still in there") lol

i kept asking for coffee also lmao but my mom said that brought her some comfort because to her “thats a sign amy is still there”

pizza man brought the bow hair clip he got for me on sunday to see if i would remember it

and he brought this stuffed seal a childhood friend since middle school got for me a while back and asked "whats his name?" because he couldn't remember and i correctly told him "tory" (short for “tornado torpedo”)

i closed my eyes and puckered my lips for pizza man and my dad was like "she wants a kiss"

pizza man gave me a nice little kiss but wasn't sure if it was appropriate at the time but he thought it was sweet still

pizza man and visitors also enjoyed this giant monster rabbit that could be seen outside my window too i guess (the rabbit is my zodiac animal “secret friend” but they're really common to spot in the wild tbh)

there was a 1:1 nurse with me monday and tuesday night cause they didn't want me trying to get up by myself or yanking on my stuff

***

by wednesday (6/18/2025) i "wake up"- i remember wednesday

im covered in wires and tubes: who knows what on my chest, IV in my right arm, PICC line in my left arm, hooked up to a catheter, finger oxygen sensor, bright yellow wristband that reads "FALL RISK"

initially i was like "oh god the financial cost of this" but quickly i was like "eh whatever- doesn't matter"

i actually upgraded my health insurance when i turned 30 just cause i thought "eh its time for better insurance"

doctors and nurses seemed surprised i made it

they were pumping me with sodium and potassium but at one point it dropped anyway but eventually my body just fixed itself and they kinda shrugged and were like "cool i'll take it!"

they send a dietitian student in and he asks me what i eat and he goes "huh- you eat healthy"

the neurologist visits and i loudly go “i remember you!” but im confused- he just has one of those looks

“neurologist” is also too complicated of a word for me to retain today so i keep saying “brain guy”

he says something interesting: “throwing up shouldn’t cause low sodium” (as i currently understand: low sodium can cause vomiting but not the other way around? i've heard doctors on youtube say the opposite- situations/cases can differ, people can be wrong and opinions can contradict i guess)

when we pressed with other questions he professionally answers that he can only talk about the brain- i kinda liked that

my parents and a lot of pizza man's family came to visit me throughout the day

pizza man said that day i was "more quirky" but he was ok with that- maybe even kinda liked it lol

he also said the doctors and nurses said i was "very nice" even when i was out of it and that i should put that on my resume (maybe a somewhat weird thing to say imo but whatever they mean well i guess)

he kept telling me he was so so happy i "came back"

another childhood friend since middle school (who didn't know this was going on) actually randomly texted me a trauma center game meme but i didn't have access to my phone until a few days later (it was a game i enjoyed when i was in high school and i was actually thinking about it when i was conscious in the hospital)

my parents and pizza man kept asking me if i would like pizza man to bring me the bow hair clip he got for me on sunday

i was like "bah nah that doesn't matter" but throughout the day they started seeing my memory was improving on its own

so while i was dying pizza man appeared on an episode of america's funniest home videos on tv and the host for whatever reason said "believe it or not, ladies- he's single"

pizza man knew i'd find it funny if i lived but at the time he didn't like that of course lol

he said he was thinking if i did die he was happy we at least had a nice last date at applebeees lmao

he said he wasn't ready for that though- he would've probably quit his job and stuff

i know i got extremely lucky but this actual experience wasn't that bad! i didn't have any suffering thanks to the doctors/nurses and my family and pizza man

the thought of going to the hospital was much much worse

and hospital food was pretty good actually!

a nurse helped tie my hair back to keep it out of the way

also when a nurse helped me go #2 she was like "the catheter must be so uncomfortable :(" and i was like "actually- its not that bad!" like whenever i'd see a commercial for one on tv i was like "oh god that looks awful" lol

i walk around a bit in the hallways with pizza man as he held my catheter- my legs felt very weak

i don't have a 1:1 nurse watching me this night and i fall asleep around 1:30am

***

thursday (6/19/2025) we have off from work- its the juneteenth holiday

on monday pizza man contacted my employer and they used 4 PTO days for the week for me

im a little naughty- i get up by myself and wash my hair in the sink

i knew it was a liability thing and i wasn't supposed to get up by myself- but i was curious (the curiosity of "if i could still do it"- maybe that drive might take me out one day lol) but i thought it wouldn't hurt anyone

my mom was a little annoyed/mad yet relieved when she found out lol

my father-in-law brings coffee and donuts both wednesday and thursday morning (cause i was always asking for coffee lol)

a nurse comes in and asks the visitors to step out- we both wear face masks as she removes the PICC line from my arm

she goes "i'll show you it when im done" (doesn't ask if im squeamish- but maybe she could tell i was interested in that kind of stuff)

its very long- i tell her thats very cool- this is when i find out that was connected to my heart

later another doctor and nurse come rip off the stuff on my chest, the IV, finger oxygen sensor- and remove the catheter also

i take a couple of tylenol every few hours to ease my headache

i worry and ask the doctors about it- i don't want to become dependent on it- they tell me its safe and my worries ease because i no longer feel like i need anymore that night

so far the known issue was low sodium and severe hyponatremia

the doctors are humans and have differing opinions so some thoughts contradict but so far the one belief that makes sense to me is "it was just the perfect storm"

in the evening im released from the hospital and pizza man brings me home

my mom is surprised- she thought i'd be well enough to go home the next day friday

but i didn't feel like i was currently dying- i thought it was time for me to leave and for the doctors and nurses to save someone else now

my parents and pizza man’s family drop off a lot of food and a gift basket

and my employer sent me flowers

i was maybe a bit surprised- been there for over 10 years but thought "eh maybe they'll think about letting me go" lol

***

friday (6/20/2025) the first full day of being home im pretty much normal with some slight memory issues (like forgetting where the tea goes, the name of pizza man's oldest aunt, not making my yogurt the "most efficient way", etc) and im using a walker as a precaution- im slightly wobbly

pizza man kept telling me it was so awesome to hear me around the home and that i “came back”

imo he was already kinda obsessed and very in love with me but he keeps saying the experience somehow made him “fall deeply in love” with me lol

he keeps checking my head for a fever and he watches over me carefully for the first couple of days at home- im sure he has PTSD honestly and i was worried about him but he’s doing great now actually

we’re really lucky the house has handle bars by some of the entrances and in the bathroom and its generally accessible because this used to be grandpa’s house

i was also looking at a fashion catalog and didn't feel horny but felt more "heterosexual" somehow

but by saturday (6/21/2025) and sunday (6/22/2025) my memory is "very good" again, im not using a walker anymore and i looked at the catalog again and my sexuality feels queer as usual lol

before all this pizza man sometimes told me he was gonna be sad when my memory starts going because its just so good

but he told me he likes me however- and he would always take care of me- im still kind of processing that tbh

then also i had an excuse to invite my friends over to hang out- that was nice

***

hyponatremia risk factors (korey stringer institute)

exercise duration greater than 4 hours or slow pace: no

AFAB: yes

low body weight: i guess

excessive drinking (>1.5 L/hour) during the event: possible

abundant availability of drinking fluids at event: possible

nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, antidepressants, or diuretics use: my two 200mg of ibuprofen in the morning then the one 200mg of ibuprofen and 500mg of tylenol at night???? maybe they just added to the recipe for disaster

other drugs associated with SIADH (SSRI’s): no

not heat acclimatized: guess i don't sweat much but i still sweat

low sodium diet: initially i was like LOW SODIUM?? HOW? but i've been reading nutrition labels (especially serving sizes) and i'll admit maybe its a possibility idk

extreme hot or cold environment: not those days (high: 73℉, low: 53℉ friday 6/13/2025 through sunday 6/15/2025)

i don't mind being a cautionary tale

because the cause of my hyponatremia seems to be possibly caused by my funky eating schedule and chugging liquids: so far the dr notes and advice to prevent me from having it again basically say "drink/eat sodium (2,300 mg/day) and don't drink more than 2 liters of liquids a day"

at first when they told me "don't drink more than 2 liters a day" i was like "yea- i don't usually do that- i only did that cause of that wicked headache and i was puking and scared" and when they were like "listen to ur body" i was like "yea- i do- i was just so nauseous i couldn't eat- tried anyway but i puked"

but the more im reading and recalling what i did- the more i'll admit its possible the headache and sickness on sunday was caused by low sodium

generally when i eat out i drink a lot of water during and afterwards (im thirsty cause its salty)- so it probably wasn't good i drank a lot of water from applebees- then sipped water throughout the whole day saturday and only had dinner

its funny cause some doctors also said i should be drinking gatorade when i do my squats and push-ups

always thought it was a marketing gimmick or for extreme athletes in hot weather

but as far as i understand it sounds like i'll also be fine if i just eat some chips or whatever

last time i saw a doctor was last year august 2024: did blood tests- he said i was "extremely healthy" and to see him again in 3 years unless something comes up

i used to see a primary care physician but it felt like a waste of time cause i was like 20 and nothing was ever going on

guess i got a good reason to see one again

i've been thinking about how i've been putting an effort towards working out and gained 4-5 lbs since january this year and i've thought "would this have ended up very different if i didn't gain that extra weight?"

spooky crazy

for whatever reason i was never mad or upset during this: i was trying to be patient, honest and accepting of whatever i felt or was going through- i let myself be weak and vulnerable- kept telling myself "take it easy, give urself a week- try not to be frustrated and trust ur body to recover"

there's some truth and context to "applebees almost killed me" but i think i understand the true actual cause of this mess was: my curiosity

anyway i’ve never been to hopkins so im planning to go there soon just for shits and giggles

[alexanderlightweight]

Good Morning! I hope your day is starting out beautifully.

I would like to read an update on bitter trap of truth/ this deadly bouquet of love/bleed for desire. Whichever one you are most inspired for today, I love your writing.

NSF/NSFW doesn’t matter.

you know it started out with Nightshade and tea so it did start out pretty good (evil phonecalls interrupted but it was a good start!)

Nightshade was like 'baba we must have snuggles and play and you need to rub my belly and i need to be on your lap and oh. baba your face is dirty. cream? don't worry baba i won't let the cream stay on your skin! and i need a treat and what is that? are you eating? oh no ty baba i dont want just water. baba you have terrible eating habits how am i supposed to have extra snacks if you don't eat more?'

i hope you enjoy this, first part here

<3 lumine

this deadly bouquet of love

Alec has had it.

He truly has.

Not only is the shadowworld suddenly writhing like a pond of catfish being fed, it’s turning into a time of tumult and Alec is still in the middle of his courtship.

 He does not have the time to let Izzy and Jace get away with their usual insubordination.  In fact he’s completely washed his hands of personally training them, requested the Clave send him an adequate tutor and mentor — his own shadowhunters are too used to his parents and his own example and giving them leeway — and had been promptly told to just let Hodge train them.

It’s not going well.

Izzy’s comments have grown more biting and Jace’s arrogance which temporarily flagged has swelled up the longer the private lessons continue.

It’s a mess of a headache and Alec really doesn’t need to be dealing with this when he’s meticulously polishing small blowdarts before dipping them in a potion. Magnus is the one who gave him the potion, so Alec isn’t exactly worried that it’s unsafe but he’s still irritated at the unfairness of it all.

If Alec had realized how redundant nephilim courtships could be or how ridiculously long they could take, he would have found a different way to express his intentions. Especially considering the original attempt was an accident.

Completely serious, but an accident.

He and Magnus could be holding hands.

Alec isn’t even pushing for kisses — even though Magnus looks very kissable and his lips are soft and he smells amazing but that’s not the point.

The point is that Alec is being punished.

Clearly.

There’s no other reason for Magnus to continue to draw this out and Alec isn’t sure how he’s going to handle juggling both his personal wants and his responsibilities.

—

Magnus is delighted.

It’s been absolutely ages since Alexander’s done anything beyond graze Magnus skin and the potion itself is harmless, except Alexander doesn’t seemed pleased.  He’s staring at Magnus’ arm with dark eyes that Magnus can’t decipher and then his shoulders droop. He looks tired and despite the victory of getting Magnus with the dart, he seems displeased rather than proud.

“Oh no, no you don’t.” Magnus snags a thread of magic around Alexander’s wrist the moment his shadowhunter sends a longing look towards the roof’s edge and tugs him over.  He ignores  the way Alexander’s scowl deepens — because not once does his shadowhunter reach for a weapon or tell him to stop.  “What’s this, hmm? You’re normally so eager to see me and talk to me when you drop by?”

“I don’t have time to just be denied what I want, Magnus. I’m not stopping the courtship, but I don’t have time to play games I already know I’ll lose.”  Alexander doesn’t seem upset, the tired smile on his face isn’t irritated, merely exhausted and… ah. Magnus’ darling looks heart sore and Magnus wonders if perhaps he’s let his little game run on a bit too far.

As delightful as this entire endeavor has been, he’s always known that Alexander doesn’t actually enjoy targeting Magnus but truly, when was the last time Magnus has ever had someone so invested in just the possibility of holding his hand? The temptation of Alexander and his ardent devotion is too much and Magnus knows he’s been greedy but he also knows when the time to be generous is.

“But will you lose this time, sweetheart?” Magnus asks and Alexander’s eyes go wide as Magnus leans in and nuzzles him, their cheeks pressing together and Magnus’ goatee catching on Alexander’s stubble with a raw scrape that has his boy shuddering.

“Please don’t play with me like this, not tonight.” Alexander murmurs and Magnus sighs and lets his fingers finally touch like they’ve been craving to do for weeks.

“I’ve hardly been able to resist, Alexander. As much as I enjoy how you blush and fluster when I tease you, I’m not actually trying to torture you.” 

Magnus kisses Alexander then, pulling him in with fingers in Alexander’s hair and sighing in ecstasy at the way Alexander stiffens and then eagerly melts against him.  Alexander is pliant, hands firm and steady on Magnus’ skin but he’s willing to be manhandled however Magnus wants, arching into every touch and moaning into the kiss when Magnus deepens it rather than just pull away.

“There, was that worth the wait?”

Alexander nods, eyes glassy with delighted pleasure and then he’s holding out his hand, a stubborn expression to his jaw and despite having just kissed him breathless, Magnus knows exactly what his darling is asking for.

“Kisses weren’t enough?”

“They were nice and a bonus, but I was promised I could hold your hand.” The way Alexander’s voice rasps, already kiss-hoarse and debauched but still stubborn is strangely charming.

Magnus still isn’t sure why Alexander is so fixated on holding hands but then his warm fingers tangle with Alexander’s cool one and he feels a sudden calmness, as if he’s been re-centered and he sees Alexander looking a their hands with delighted awe.

“There was always a chance I could eventually fuck a man. Kiss him in the shadows and only have tidbits of the life I want.” Magnus holds back the seething anger at even the idea of it, too invested in the way Alexander swings their joined hands. “I know it’s a bit mundane. But most shadowhunter couples I know don’t hold hands. They fuck and kiss and have children and some of them share affection, but this? This is what I’ve wanted. Not a quick fuck in an alley without names for safety. This.”

Magnus suddenly feels a burst of emotions that he refuses to name or even attempt to decipher and brings Alexander’s knuckles up to kiss them.

“I will hold your hand whenever you like, Alexander.  Even if you refuse to woo me any further.”

Alexander’s brow furrows, his eye twitching and Magnus laughs and leans closer to kiss away his disgruntlement.

“I tease, lovely. You’ve more than wooed me. I think rather than being the target of your aim, I’ll enjoy being the target of your affections. Besides, now if you craft me presents I can watch as you do it.”

-

AN:

Magnus has a competency kink: i know he has better aim than this. wtf alexander.

alec who has a 'i dont want to hurt the man i'm falling in love with' kink: i'd rather he think me an incompetent fool but how is shooting him going to get him to hold my hand faster????

magnus realizing alec is a bit delicate: oh, okay sweetheart it's fine. you can hold my hand and just kill targets for me instead?

alec: oh thank raziel. i am 100% okay with this. i will probably be fine killing most anyone you point me to just like, not you.

-

magnus was having the time of his life. he's being chased/wooed/etc politely? he gets to direct how things are going? he went a little overboard but that's valid and it got fixed the minute he realized alec was actually getting upset and depressed about the situation.

alec would love to spar with magnus etc. he just doesn't enjoy fake assassinating the man he's fantasizing about marrying.

magnus: oh.... oh he's a soft romantic. oh my. i did get lucky, didn't i. competent and sweet and pliable.

alec still sulking and nuzzling Magnus, giving him kisses and hugs and generally being a limpet: i don't have to go back tot he institute till the afternoon. can i stay this time?

magnus: i think i would destroy something if you tried to leave, so yes. also i do realize and regret that i could have been having this for weeks. it's ragnors fault. he suggested it.

ragnor: do not bring me into this! i clearly was on the poor lad's side. you took what you wanted to hear and ran with it and we both know it!

magnus: ... okay well, we still both got what we wanted, right alexander?

alec ignoring everything to just lean against Magnus and hold his hand and breathe him in and like: mh'mm just let me know who you want me to kill.

ragnor and cat: ... really? really magnus?

Magnus: ... he offered!