#I love how close Jim and Bones are too

[your-name-is-jim]

You can tell how much Jim missed his best friends after almost 3 years without them and the Enterprise, because when they come back and they start talking about science and stuff, Jim just looks at them with the happiest expression on his face. <3 <3 <3

It looks like he's thinking "OMG I love them, I missed them so much", and even if I wasn't there, I think it had to be great for the fans who watched TMP for the first time in 1979, because this isn't just Jim's reaction to Bones and Spock, it was every fan's reaction after seeing the main characters on-screen after 10 years.

Another interesting detail is that Jim is probably trying to be more professional with Spock because he's on the bridge: Decker and other new crewmembers are there and we know that Jim acts differently when he's in his captain-mode. But when he meets Bones, there are just Rand and Scotty around, who are both old friends, so he can be more like himself (that's how I see it, at least).

Anyway, this is not the face of someone who's thinking about "engine design difficulties" :D

[stevie-petey]

episode three: the monster and the superhero

“Breaking and entering into the school to retrieve confidential and extremely personal files.” You wince. It’s as bad as it sounds. Tapping Dustin’s shoulder, you break him away from the walkie. “Wait, we won’t need my files, right?” Steve eyes you up and down, shrugging indifferently. “Well–” Hitting his chest, he sputters at you. “Why do you keep doing that?” “You’re not reading my files, Harrington.”

Summary: you and steve can never have a normal conversation, dustin threatens nasa, eddie sadly eats his cereal because youre mean to him, youre once again nancys biggest fan, dustin and steve have an awkward heart to heart, and you and max become felons together and trauma bond (again) !

Rating: general, some swearing

Warnings: swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n, mentions of blood, trauma lol

Words: 13.5k

Before you swing in: hi hi hi !! so so so sorry for the wait. this chapter was a pain to write and i was so busy with school and work :( promise updates will become more regular soon. i was just simply in the trenches for a hot few weeks. things in the story are heatin up, so get ready gamers. anyways, enjoy !!

–

It’s quiet in Steve’s car. 

Streetlights glow faintly, lighting the way home. The windows are down; the thick late spring air fills the car with the bittersweet scent of honeysuckles in bloom. In the dim of the car lies Steve’s faint outline as he drives. His hands rest against the steering wheel, his chest rises slowly as he inhales all the fear that settles inside the car. 

No one speaks. The tension is suffocating you. 

In the backseat resides Robin with Dustin and Max. The oldest sits in the middle, her fingers drum nervously against the head of your seat. Dustin stares out the window, he hasn’t looked at you ever since promising Eddie you’d be back for him tomorrow. He hadn’t wanted to leave him, he begged you to let him stay in the boathouse, but you wouldn’t let him. 

Max stares out the other window. Her eyes are closed, she’s pretending to be asleep. You’ve come to learn what she looks like when she pretends. Her nose pinches slightly, her eyes can never stay still enough to convince you she’s asleep. It’s what she does whenever she doesn’t want to face your questions, your concerns and your fears. 

Tension builds in the back of your skull, a dull throb rings within your ears. Exhaustion washes over you, fear pierces her nails into your skin. You can’t get Eddie’s terrified eyes out of your head. The way his voice trembled, the sticky blood on his fingernails from the skin he picked at. 

If they’re back again, we need to know.

Vecna’s curse.

The static Eddie felt, Chrissy’s trance-like state. Her bones, the morbid angles they snapped. Barbara Holland, daughter and best friend. Bob Newby, superhero. Billy Hargrove, dearly missed son. Jim Hopper, renown chief and beloved father. 

You’re the best of them, kid.

If the gate really has opened once again… Thick molasses grief coats your tongue and fills your mouth with remorse. There has been so much loss, so many funerals you’ve had to attend. Too many bodies buried without answers, without closure. 

Over and over again. 

“We’re here, Robin.” The gravel of Steve’s voice cuts through the endless dread. He parks the car in front of her driveway, the lights are off inside and you know that Robin is afraid of the dark.

“Need me to walk you in?” You ask her, quiet, but unyielding with all the love you have for her. 

She shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m brave, aren't I always brave?”

“The bravest,” Steve smiles at her, soft and unbroken. “Get some sleep, yeah?”

“I’ll… I’ll try.” Her facade slips, the fear that grips everyone tightens its hold. How could anyone sleep at a time like this? She shakes her head again, her smile returns, albeit forced, tired. Then she messily crawls over Dustin to exit the car, ignoring his cries of annoyance and pain when her elbow catches his ribs. “Sorry, little Henderson!”

“I don’t even let Steve call me that–”

“Too late, I’ve already decided to call you little Henderson,” Robin climbs out the car, lands with a soft thud on the pavement. She shuts the door with a glint in her eyes before poking her head through your passenger window. “Hey, uh. Y/N?” Her voice drops low, her eyes skirt to Steve, whose cool gaze meets her weary one. Robin clears her throat, you nod your head at her with slight concern. You know that she knows about your argument with Steve. He adores her, what he doesn’t confide in you, he confides in her. Knowing that Robin means well, you soften your voice. “Yeah?”

Robin hesitates, caught between her two favorite people in the entire world. Steve sees her hesitancy and sighs, turning away to provide some semblance of privacy. Relieved, Robin ducks her head down and whispers into your ear, “Talk to him.”

She’s gone before you can exhale. 

Steve starts the car again after Robin has safely made it inside her home. Max and Dustin are quiet in the backseat. As Steve drives, his fingers absentmindedly play with the frayed edges of his leather bracelet. It had been a gift from you, the word constants etched into the material. 

Constants. You were Steve’s constant, he was yours. Through everything you’ve been through together, all the heartbreak suffered in order to fall into one another, he’s the constant within your life. 

Now you’re afraid that you’re losing him. 

There’s still so much Steve doesn’t know. There are stories about your father that you still need to tell him about. Words Jonathan told you last night, the dangerous what if he brought into your life. You’re terrified of how Steve will react, he’s always been so trusting of you and Jonathan even after knowing the history you share. 

And yet Steve also doesn’t know that the future you see involves him, that he’s in it with as much certainty as the sky is blue; you just don’t know how to tell him this, how to articulate the abandonment that sits heavy within your chest that prohibits you from getting what you want in the end.

You have to talk to him. Steve deserves to know everything, all he’s ever asked of you is to be honest with him. 

The broken lamppost in front of Max’s trailer greets you. Steve slows the car, puts it into park. His eyes find hers in the rearview mirror. “This is you, Mayfield.”

“Thanks,” Max responds quietly. She goes to open the car door, but you turn in your seat and stop her. 

“Hey, look at me.” Your tone leaves no room for arguments. She listens, her blue eyes meeting your gaze. For a moment you see Billy’s eyes reflecting within hers. It’s only for a brief second, it ends before you can even realize what’s happened. Startled, you momentarily choke on your words. “I–”

Max raises an eyebrow at you. You’ve been acting strange all night, she doesn’t understand why. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Her words couldn’t be more ironic, more painful to hear. “I-I’m sorry.” Billy is dead, he’s gone. You shake your head, try to get his eyes out of your head. “Just… promise me you’ll call if anything happens, please?”

You know that Max isn’t in any danger, she’s safe at home with her mother, but across the street resides yellow caution tape and boarded up windows. Eddie’s trailer is across from Max’s, the proximity makes you uncomfortable. It’s an eerie feeling, Chrissy died here last night. 

Max seems to understand your concern, and she allows herself to nod. She doesn’t want to fight you, not tonight. “I will, promise.”

Squeezing her hand, you leave Max with a soft reminder to get some sleep. She smiles, a hidden joke between the two of you. Both of you know that there will be no sleeping tonight. 

Once she’s gone, it’s just you, Steve, and Dustin remaining in the car. Tension creeps slowly upon the three of you. Dustin’s never ending annoyance towards you clashes with all the unspoken words left floating between you and Steve. 

Dustin coughs awkwardly. Steve’s fingers tap anxiously on the steering wheel. You keep your head down, your fingers pick at the skin between your nails. The ten minute drive from Max’s house to yours is unbearably long. Stuck at one of Hawkins’ only stop lights, Dustin can’t take the silence any longer.

“Well, this is awkward.” He says to no one in particular. “Lots of tension tonight, huh?”

Neither you nor Steve laugh, and Dustin rests his head against the seat in defeat. He understands why you and him aren’t talking, he’s still angry with you for holding a knife to Eddie’s neck. What he doesn’t understand, however, is why there seems to be so much distance between you and Steve tonight.

Normally you’d be all over one another by now. The two of you can never keep your hands off of each other. As much as Dustin hates it, he’s grown used to the way your hands are always intertwined with Steve’s. Whenever he’s in the car with you guys, your hand always rests against Steve’s arm as he drives. At red lights Steve will always turn to you, pulled in by your smile. 

Except tonight Dustin doesn’t think he’s seen Steve look at you once during the drive home. Your hand rests softly at your side, balled into a small fist. There’s a coldness between the two of you, one Dustin is ashamed to admit that he hadn’t noticed before. 

Then he remembers last night. He’d been too lost in his anger towards you to recognize the tears in your voice. He hadn’t even stopped to consider that you wanted a code blue for any other reason besides lecturing him. His stomach twists with guilt at his own selfish actions. 

Something happened between you and Steve, and you had needed your brother last night. But he had abandoned you, denied the code blue you’d needed so desperately. 

When Steve’s car pulls into your driveway, Dustin runs out as soon as the vehicle stops. He’s frantic to escape his guilt, to escape the chasm that surrounds you and Steve. Slamming the door, he shouts, “Talk to each other!” Then, as an afterthought, he adds, “Good luck, Steve!”

The slam of the door echoes into the night. 

It’s just you and Steve, now. 

The air stills between you, reminiscent of the night you drove him home from the Halloween party. A year has passed since then, it’s been so long since Steve’s presence made you feel anything other than peace. The strings that have always followed you constrict against your throat. 

“We need to talk,” Steve says, but at the same time you say, “We need to talk about Jonathan.”

The words come tumbling out of your mouth, slipping through the grooves of your teeth before you can stop them. They’d been building within you all day, fizzling to the surface. And now they spill out into the silence of Steve’s car. 

His head turns to you, the street lights illuminate the shock and confusion on his handsome face. It pinches with bewilderment, he doesn’t understand. He had been ready to apologize to you, despite still not being able to comprehend how you don’t see a future with him. Steve doesn’t want to fight with you anymore, he was ready to just forgive and forget and hold your hand without the weight of guilt behind it.

Steve had been ready to salvage your relationship, and now you want to talk about Jonathan?

“Jonathan?” Shamefully, his voice cracks. He feels like a helpless little kid again, his stomach twists with the foreboding nausea that something bad is about to happen. “Why… why do you want to talk about him?”

The raw frailty on Steve’s face almost kills you. He’s drawing into himself again, preparing for the final blow that will decimate him and everything he knows.

You take a deep breath. This won’t be easy, nothing you’ve ever had to do has been easy. But Steve deserves to know. To hide something from him feels foreign, to lie to him feels like a betrayal. 

“Jonathan, he–” Your voice shakes almost as violently as your hands do. Steve is looking at you but you can’t bear to face him just yet. “He called me last night, after our… after our fight.”

“What did he say, Y/N?” Steve knows, even before you tell him, where this is going. The light in your eyes whenever you talk about Jonathan is gone. His name doesn’t grace your face with a smile. Instead, the grimace of guilt replaces it. Steve’s stomach twists into tighter knots. It’s happening again.

Inhaling, you close your eyes and try to commit to memory the before. How Steve looked at you with such adoration before tonight. How his soft hands, laced with trust, felt against your skin before tonight. His open gaze, one filled with vulnerability, stared into you before tonight. 

Opening your eyes, you exhale. Nothing will ever be the same again. “Jonathan asked me if I ever wondered if… if we made a mistake. Him and I.”

“A mistake?” Steve’s jaw tightens. 

“I think-I think he was asking me if I ever… thought about what could’ve happened between us. If somehow,” you swallow, the words cement in your mouth. “If-if somehow we made a mistake, choosing you and Nancy.”

Steve is quiet. The muscles in his body pull tightly together. He fills with venom, anger and jealousy and hurt; so much hurt. “And you think he’s right.”

It isn’t phrased as a question. 

Immediately your body turns to his. “No! God, no,” your hands search for any expanse of his skin you can find. Steve doesn’t lean into you, he doesn’t react to your touch. Panic overwhelms you, suddenly all you can do is talk and plead and beg. “Steve, I don’t think Jonathan even knew what he was saying, okay? H-he was high, and he’s been so lonely and-and he kept saying things were easy between me and him but-but that’s not how love is supposed to work and I know he’s just scared. He’s scared and he’s never been so alone before and I think-he’s just lost, okay? He’s lost and–” 

“Why are you telling me this, Y/N?” The hardness in Steve’s voice cuts into you, stings your skin. He isn’t screaming, not like he did last night, but you almost wish he were. The way his voice is leveled, cold and hard, scares you even more. 

“Would you rather I didn’t?” You’re helpless against his anger, you know he has every right to be, but you don’t know how to fix this.

Steve laughs bitterly. “I’d rather you not make shitty excuses for the asshole.”

“I’m not making excuses for him, I just wanted you to understand–”

“You are!” His voice raises slightly, almost imperceptibly so, but you hear it anyways. Steve’s chest rises and falls quickly. His hands fly wildly everywhere, he doesn’t know what to do, either. Then, almost as quickly as the anger surfaced, insecurity replaces it. “Is… Jonathan why you don’t see a future with me?”

Your fingers tighten around his wrist, almost as if you’re afraid he’ll slip between your fingers any second now. “I do see a future with you–”

“Pretty fucking hard to believe when you’re wearing the goddamn necklace he got you.” The words drip with acid. They’re hissed out with a jaw clenched so tightly you’re afraid he’ll somehow hurt himself.

The words startle you, catch you off guard. Your hand slips from Steve’s wrist. He’s never once insinuated any jealousy regarding you and Jonathan. He’s always been so trusting of you two together, he’s always been kind towards him. He always knew that he could never touch what you guys have, and yet his gaze now flickers cruelly to the bee pendant that rests against your neck. 

What Steve has said hurts you, deeper than he ever intended to. He knows how you love, how deeply you care for others. It’s who you are. Regardless of the hurt he may be feeling right now, it doesn’t give him the right to throw this crucial part of you back in your face. 

“I’m made of pieces of everyone I’ve ever loved, Steve. You know this.” The bee pendant rests against your skin as heavily as the charm bracelet does. 

And Steve does know that you’re made of pieces of everyone in your life. It’s what he loves the most about you. His eyes follow where your fingers reside, skimming the silver chain that encases your wrist. He hadn’t meant to say what he did, the words had slipped out before he could stop them. 

“Y/N…” Your name is spoken as an apology, it’s all Steve can manage in his shame. 

But the moment is ruined, you’re exhausted and all you want to do is go home. 

You shake your head at Steve, try to hide the tears in your eyes. He sees them anyways. “Can I leave, please?”

The way you ask so delicately to escape breaks Steve. Something in his chest shatters, his mouth fills with the taste of a broken promise. You don’t need his permission, he hates that you feel that you do. 

“Yeah,” his voice is softer than it’s been all night, but it’s too late. He knows this. Swallowing, all Steve can do is be gentle with you. “Yeah, of course you can leave, angel.”

Angel.

You nod at him; if you try to speak you’re afraid you’ll break before him. 

No other words are spoken between you. Steve watches as you leave. 

– 

The next morning you sit hunched over a mug of coffee, more exhausted than ever before. You haven’t slept properly in days now. Dustin finds you with dark circles under your eyes and a pathetic bowl of cereal before you. From the dazed look in your eyes, he knows you haven’t noticed his arrival, and he awkwardly clears his throat to get your attention.

“So, uh.” He scratches the back of his neck, your eyes are slow to look up at him. Pointing to your coffee, Dustin raises his eyebrows. “Rough night, I take it?”

You nod, too tired to say anything else. The cereal goes uneaten. Dustin doesn’t think your coffee is even warm anymore, he hadn’t heard you wake up this morning. He’s worried that you never even went to bed last night. You’re pale, sickly so, and Dustin hates that he hadn’t noticed the signs sooner. 

“Hey,” he pulls a chair beside you, sits down with a playful shove to your shoulder. He’s your brother, it’s his job to take care of you just as much as it’s yours to take care of him. It’s how the two of you have always been. 

For Dustin’s entire life you’ve looked after him, kissing his scraped knees and warding off monsters hidden underneath his bed. When your father left, the depression your mother fell into afterwards left Dustin clinging onto you. You were all he had left. 

Dustin leans against you, he used to do this when he was a little kid and could still fit between your arms. Resting his head against yours, shoulders pressed together, the angle is awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s safe. “Is it too late to have that code blue?”

It’s a peace offering, an extension of an apology, and you can’t help but smile at your brother. Hand finding his mess of curls, you ruffle his hair and laugh softly. “Yeah, guess we can have a code blue now.”

“Good, you know I always love to shit talk Steve.” Dustin says with humor. You both know he admires the boy.

“Language,” you remind him as you always do. Dustin knocks his head against yours in response and the two of you break into laughter; laughing with your brother again feels good.

In between sips of cold coffee and bites of soggy cereal, you tell Dustin about Steve. You explain the original argument a few nights ago, how he didn’t understand why you wouldn’t want him to follow you to New York. 

“It’s what mom did with dad,” Dustin says, looking down at the table. 

You nod at him, you knew he’d understand better than anyone. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Does he know what happened with dad?”

“No, and I know I should explain what he did, but there’s–” You cut yourself off. Dustin would kill Jonathan with his bare hands if he found out about the phone call. Even though it technically goes against the rules of a code blue, you can’t tell Dustin about Jonathan. Not yet, at least. Clearing your throat, you continue. “There’s… other things that have prevented me from explaining dad to Steve.”

Dustin narrows his eyes. “Other things?”

“Other things,” you look pointedly at him, standing your ground about not elaborating. He denied your original code blue. You’re allowed to lie this one time. “And now Steve thinks that I don’t see a future with him.”

“Well then he’s an idiot.” Your brother scoffs. Anyone with eyes can see how much you fawn over Steve. Dustin has watched you fall for him for years now. “You’re practically ready to marry the guy.”

Taking a bite of cereal, you grimace slightly. “Okay, marriage is a little much–”

“Tell that to mom, she’s already started planning the wedding.” 

Of course she has. She wouldn’t be Claudia Henderson if she wasn’t already planning the names of her grandchildren from Steve. 

The bite of cereal turns into cement, your heartbeat pounds against your throat. With everything going on with Steve, the hurt the two of you have brought down upon the other, you’re not even sure there will be a wedding at the rate things are going. 

As the days go on, you can feel Steve slipping away from you more and more.

Dustin must sense that the subject is hurting you, so he stands from his seat and claps his hands together. “Alright, I feel like we’ve covered our bases for a code blue. Checked all the boxes, felt the feelings needed to be felt.”

“I don’t like the feelings being felt,” you mumble, shoving your bowl away. You’re still drawn into yourself, pale and frail and unlike the lively girl your brother has come to miss. He knows things have been difficult between the two of you, a strain that can’t quite be loosened. 

Dustin falters, his bravado fades. He sighs again and his hand settles against your shoulder. He looks at you with sincerity, his expression softens. “Look, you and Steve will figure things out. You guys always do.”

And he truly believes this. Steve loves you with such a ferocity that rivals your love for him. Dustin can’t imagine a world in which you’re no longer with Steve, where he’s let go of you and allowed you to walk away. 

Except Dustin doesn’t know how to express this to you, but you can understand him anyways. Placing your hand over his, you squeeze it. “Thanks, Dustin.”

He smiles back at you and the code blue is over. The moment lingers for only a second longer before he frowns and sits back down next to you. “Do you think Eddie will be okay?”

And there it is. Eddie fucking Munson again. 

Shoving down your annoyance, you force yourself to focus on the situation from last night. As hurt as you are that Dustin wants to talk about Eddie right now, you can understand why he would. Chrissy died in front of him, he’s being accused of murder. 

You’re just being childish, easily irritated from lack of sleep and the stress of it all. 

“I don’t know, I mean…the cops will be looking for him.” With ease you fall back into strategizing, putting the situation above your own thoughts and feelings. Your mind spins with everything you need to do, trying to come up with whatever you can do to help. “If we have any shot of protecting him, we need to figure out what they know.”

Dustin nods, following along. “Cerebro can tap into the Hawkins PD system, we can easily get intel from there.”

“It terrifies me that Cerebro can hack into our town’s police system.”

“Be grateful I stopped there, Suzie wouldn’t let me use it to tap into NASA.”

You learn two things after using Cerebro to gather information. 

One, the radio is far too powerful to reside in your fourteen year old brother’s hands. He’s able to access the PD system with incredible ease, almost as if he’s done so before. It’d be impressive if you didn’t know the horrors that went on inside the kid’s head.

Two, Eddie is well and truly fucked. 

He’s the main suspect. They think he’s killed Chrissy and have every man in the force scouring Hawkins to find him. Her death was gruesome, you understand the manhunt that unfolds. Dustin, however, nearly loses his mind when he hears chief Powell instructing his men to search Eddie’s neighborhood for the teen. 

“We have to go warn him,” Dustin scrambles to his feet, the chair almost toppling over in his haste. “We need to leave, now.”

There isn’t time to argue, Dustin is already ringing Steve’s number. Either he’s already forgotten about your argument with the teen, or maybe he just doesn’t care. Regardless, the thought of seeing Steve again so soon after last night makes your stomach churn. You want to stop Dustin, make up some excuse to him about why you can’t help Eddie, but you know it wouldn’t matter. Your brother would only beg you to come, your worry for him would force you to listen. 

All you can do is drop your head into your hands and sigh.

– 

It was your idea to stop and get Eddie food. 

Steve had arrived at your house within minutes. Dustin immediately went for the passenger seat, which was more than okay with you, and Steve had mumbled a soft “hello” to the two of you. His greeting went ignored by you, still trying to find your breath around him, and Dustin, who promptly demanded that Steve pick up Robin and Max before returning to the boathouse. 

Halfway to Max’s, the silence in the car was thickening rapidly, so you offhandedly suggested stopping at the local grocery store to get Eddie some food and water. You figured he would appreciate the small act of kindness, especially considering the grime news you’d be delivering to him soon. That, and it’d give you an excuse to leave Steve’s car for a few moments and steady your breathing. 

The boathouse isn’t nearly as creepy in the daylight, but still you make sure your knives are in your pocket before approaching it. Robin walks beside you, helping you and Dustin carry the groceries, while Max and Steve walk silently behind. 

“Think we got him enough?” Robin asks, holding up one of the grocery bags. “I mean, don’t stoners eat a lot? Munchies or whatever?”

Rolling your eyes, you undo one of the buttons on your sweater, allowing the crisp spring air to soak your body. The sun is too warm to be worrying about whatever stoners eat. “If he complains, then he can starve.” 

“Cat’s got claws today,” Robin nudges you with her arm. Turning to make sure Steve is far enough away so he doesn’t overhear, she lowers her voice. “Guessing the talk didn’t go well last night?”

“Oh, it was just peachy,” you grit out through a forced smile. “But we have to focus on harboring a murder suspect right now.” Because nothing in your life can ever be simple. If you aren’t hunting monsters, you’re protecting the town. If you aren’t protecting the town, you’re fighting alternate dimensions.

Robin opens her mouth to say something, but Dustin shoulders past her and bursts through the boathouse doors, ending your conversation. “Delivery service!” 

Eddie nearly has a heart attack at the abrupt entrance. He jumps out of his skin and clutches at his chest after letting out a very unmanly yelp. The reaction is almost enough to brighten your foul mood, momentarily forgetting that Steve stands behind you. 

“Someone’s jumpy,” you sidestep your brother and walk over towards the table. Setting the groceries down, you begin to unload them. “We got you some food, but please don’t eat it all at once. I really don’t want to spend any more money on you.”

“Thanks…?” Eddie slowly approaches you, both relieved for the food and offended you seem so begrudged to have gotten it for him in the first place. From his few interactions with you since last night, he’s coming to learn that you’re far from the girl who showed him such selfless kindness all those years ago.

Eddie doesn’t think you even remember what you did for him. He had been at such a low point in his life, one failed exam away from dropping out of high school and disappointing his uncle, until you appeared. It’d been your sophomore year, Eddie’s failed one, and you had given him your pencil.

The action had been small, meniscal, yet it saved Eddie’s life. He hadn’t brought his own pencil for some stupid English exam. He’d been too nervous for it that he had forgotten his, and Mrs. Greer, the teacher who couldn’t have cared less whether or not Eddie died, threatened to fail him. 

The threat sank deep into his bones, freezing his intestines with dread. Eddie had promised his uncle he’d try harder in school, that he’d graduate, and yet he couldn't do something as simple as bringing a pencil to an exam. Close to tears, embarrassed and overwhelmed, Eddie almost hadn’t registered your softly whispered voice.

“Here,” you tapped his shoulder. Eddie remembers turning around, surprised you were even talking to him, and he remembers the immediate relief that sagged his bones when he saw the pencil extended in offering. He had nodded curtly at you before frantically rushing to begin the exam. He’d already wasted five minutes, he couldn’t afford any more. 

It would only be later that Eddie learned you willingly failed the exam because you’d given him your only pencil, just so he wouldn’t fail. In the end, he passed. It was the first exam Eddie had passed in a long, long time; his uncle had been so proud of him that he bought him his electric guitar.

Eddie never thanked you for that. 

And now you stand in front of him, once again extending your arm out to him with yet another offering, but your eyes are cold. Your body is tense around Eddie’s, he doesn’t miss the wide berth you seem to always give him. 

“Thanks,” he says to you again, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He accepts the box of cereal you offer him and he wills himself to smile. “I, uh. Appreciate it. I’d offer to pay you back, but…”

“You’re wanted for murder.” You finish for Eddie. 

He drops his head. “Yeah, it kinda ruins a person’s life, ya know?”

“I don’t, actually. Never been accused of killing someone.”

Eddie blinks at you. He doesn’t know what to do with the disdain you display towards him. “Right.” He looks at Dustin for help, silently begging the kid to step in before you gut him with your knives.

“Okay, why don’t you crack open that box of honey combs while we all gather around for a fun story time!” Dustin sets down the remaining groceries and ushers everyone to spread around the boathouse. 

“‘Storytime’?” Eddie asks him, looking around in confusion. 

“Y/N and Dustin did some detective work,” Robin offers him, trying to make her voice sound as cheery as possible. “They-uh. Well they found-I mean,” she doesn’t know how to break the news to Eddie, she feels awful for the guy. Deflating, she mumbles, “They’re definitely good detectives.”

Eddie only looks more confused by this, and Dustin sits down awkwardly on a stool next to you. “So, we got, uh. Some good news and some bad news.”

You snort at your brother. Steve stands next to you, his body angled away from you so that your skin doesn’t touch. The distance is small enough to go unnoticed by anyone, yet it’s a chasm that your stomach drops into. “That’s really how you’re gonna break it to him?” 

“What are you guys breaking to me?” Eddie asks, eyes wide.

Dustin hits your leg and gets the teen’s attention. “Ignore her, look at me, alright? Now, how do you prefer it? Good or bad first?”

“Bad news first, always.” Eddie doesn’t even think about his answer, he responds immediately while shoving cereal into his mouth. 

“The bad news is that you’re pretty fucked.” You inform him, arms crossed over your chest. There’s no easy way to lessen the blow of what you overhead from Hawkins PD. The news is bad, it’s all bad. 

Dustin snaps his head towards you, “Y/N!”

“I’m not going to lie to the guy or sugarcoat things!” 

“Would you just let me handle it–”

“Dustin,” Eddie hasn’t moved from his seat. His hand remains in the cereal box, his voice jagged and defeated. He’s tired. He just wants to go home. “Just say it.”

Your brother’s shoulders drop, the anger in his eyes extinguished. “We… We tapped into the Hawkins PD dispatch with our Cerebro, and they’re definitely looking for you.”

“Chief Powell thinks you killed Chrissy.” Unable to look at Eddie, your eyes trace the ground. As much as you hate him, you can’t help but feel awful for the hand he’s been dealt. No one will possibly believe he’s innocent. “He ordered all his men to track you down before word gets out that you’re the prime suspect.”

“Which leads us to the good news: your name hasn’t gone public yet.” Robin continues for you, her own expression pitying. “But if Y/N and Dustin could find out about you during breakfast, then it’s a matter of time before others do, too.”

“And once that gets out,” you shake your head, you know how cruel a small town like Hawkins can be. “There’s going to be a lot of angry people who know your name.”

Eddie clenches his jaw. You can see tears forming in his eyes; you’re not sure if they’re from frustration or fear. He inhales sharply, licks his lips in disdain. “Hunt the freak, right?”

It’s the way he says it, with so much despair and venom in his voice. The look of resignation on Eddie’s face breaks your heart. He knows his odds, he’s been tormented and abused his entire life by the people in Hawkins. You’ve heard all the stories. The exile he faced because of how he looked, who he would hang out with, the music he listened to and the drugs he smoked. 

Eddie Munson, the freak. The moment the town finds out he’s wanted for murder, you’re afraid he’ll never come out of it alive. 

The ice-hot contempt you feel for him begins to melt. He’s only a year or two older than you, still just a scared kid with no place to call home anymore. Despite the protests of your body, you step towards Eddie and place a hand on his shoulder. Your hand is tense, your fingers scratch on the rough material of his denim jacket, but he seems to calm at the touch. 

“Hey, we’ll protect the freak, alright?” You mean what you tell him, your hand warms his skin. Whatever history you have with Eddie, good or bad, it doesn’t matter right now. He needs you, he’s lost and alone. 

Eddie looks up at you, your kindness startles him slightly, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, his eyes find yours. They’re brown, almost doe-eyed, with a vulnerability within them so intense that it leaves a lump in your throat. 

“We won’t let anything happen to you, Eddie.” Dustin’s voice cuts through, reminding you of where you are. Stumbling slightly, you remove your hand and walk back over to Steve, who gives you an odd, confused look. You ignore him. “We have to find Vecna, kill him, and prove your innocence.” 

“That’s all, Dustin?” Eddie mocks, he doesn’t stand a chance and he knows it.

Dustin draws into himself, uncertain, before letting out a feeble response. You allow yourself to smile, enjoying his wallowing. You understand where Eddie is coming from. “It is a lot that we have to do in order to clear his name.”

“Okay, I know that everything Dustin is saying sounds totally delusional, but we’ve actually been through this before.” Robin tries to reassure him. She’s leaning against a doorframe, she’s trying her best not to let her own uncertainty show. 

“We’ve been here before,” you say with slight bitterness. “You’d be surprised how many times we’ve almost died.”

Robin laughs nervously. “Well, mine was more human-flesh-based, theirs was more smoke-related. I didn’t necessarily almost die, but Y/N has some pretty sick scars on her body and Steve has been concussed more times than he’s had girlfriends–”

“Get to the point, Robin.” Steve finally speaks up, no hint of amusement in his voice. His hand rests besides yours, his fingers ache to curl against your skin. You’re wearing a soft blue sweater, tucked into your skirt, and your eyes shine against the spring cold. He doesn’t want to be here right now.

“Right. The bottom line is, collectively, I really feel we got this.”

Unable to bear the itch in his skin to touch you, Steve brings his hand to his face and rubs at his jaw to distract himself. “Except we usually rely on this girl who has superpowers, but-uh. Those went bye-bye, so–”

“And she’s in California, hundreds of miles from here.” You add on, picking at your nails. The topic makes you uncomfortable. With California comes the reminder of Jonathan.

Robin points at you and Steve. “Both good points, so I guess you could say we’re more in the-in the…?”

“Brainstorming phase.” Max supplies, which Steve snaps his fingers in agreement and Dustin hums thoughtfully. 

“There’s-uh. There’s nothing to worry about!” Your brother says unconvincingly, voice high pitched and full of lies. 

Eddie stares at everyone around him, studying the collective mess that he somehow must place all his trust in. None of you can give him a straight answer about what will happen next, and as you listen to Steve and Dustin try again to make sense of what’s going on, you recognize how hopeless it all sounds. 

“We may not sound like much,” you interrupt the boys, trying again to ease the hopelessness Eddie must be feeling. “But we’re kind of your only option right now–”

The distant wailing of sirens drown out your words, loud and piercing. The sound sets everyone into a panic. Robin instructs Dustin to cover Eddie with a tarp while you, Max, and Steve run towards the window. Squished together, you watch as multiple cop cars fly down the street with an ambulance following them; your breath catches. 

The last time you saw this many cop cars speeding through Hawkins, they had been a dead body in the quarry. It had been Will’s body, lifeless and pale. You had watched as his body was pulled from the water, you held Lucas and Dustin as they cried.

Only this time Will is in California, far away from danger. The onslaught of cars can only mean one thing. 

“I think…” Your mouth fills with syrupy dread, coating your tongue with grief. Breathing becomes difficult. You hope, more than anything, that you’re wrong. “I think someone else died.”

The moment the words leave your lips, Steve grabs his keys and instructs everyone to get into his car. He doesn't ask any questions, he doesn’t question how you know. Dustin quickly tells Eddie to stay in the boathouse while you leave. 

Your eyes squeeze shut as Steve drives, your hand clutches the seat in terror. Every second that passes, your body becomes heavier and heavier from dread. Steve’s knuckles are white against the steering wheel. Robin can’t look at you, Max and Dustin don’t say a word.

The white blanket draped over a body is what you see first. A horde of police surround it, there are lights flashing everywhere. People crowd behind a barricade, necks straining to get a look at the body on the ground. 

Then you see who the cops are talking to, and your heart drops. 

“Nancy,” you breathe out, already opening Steve’s door before he can even park the car. Something terrible has happened. Nancy stands in front of the officers, her arms crossed against her chest as if to calm herself down. She’s never looked so weak, she needs you.

Standing outside the car, the others join you. Steve has parked as close as he can to the crime scene, no one moves. Nancy releases a shaky breath when her eyes find yours. Raising her hand, she waves at you, unsure, and you wave back. She smiles, timid but genuine, and a pit forms in your stomach.

You haven’t told Nancy about Jonathan. 

Steve looks away from her, gaze turning towards you, and he’s thinking the same thing. 

– 

Nancy guides everyone to a park bench at the trailer park. She doesn’t say anything as you all walk, her eyes are exhausted. The police hadn’t wanted her to leave just yet, they had more questions for her, but you’d quickly spoke with the men to let her go. 

Sitting around the table, a bitter cold creeps into the air. The sun is out yet winter still lingers. Nancy sits across from you with Robin and Max next to her. You’re with the boys, Steve pushes his weight against you while Dustin sits stiffly beside you. 

Seeing Nancy’s sunken cheeks and glass eyes, you reach across the table and grab her hand. “What happened, Nance?”

Tears well in her eyes and for once she doesn’t wipe them away. Nancy’s hand twitches in yours, she doesn’t hold onto you like you do her. She’s grieving, you’ve come to learn all the signs of someone who has lost a friend. “It-it’s Fred.”

She explains what they’d been doing, investigating Chrissy’s death at the trailer park. Guilt laces her words, she didn’t think anything would happen to Fred. He’s always been sweet to her, his crush obvious to you but unknown to her. A shiver runs through you; Fred was smart, he was nice to you whenever you spent your days in the yearbook room. 

He didn’t deserve to die. Neither did Chrissy. 

“That makes two deaths in two days,” you say out loud, voicing what everyone else is thinking. Death is common in Hawkins, an inevitability of what lies underneath it, but there’s never been such gruesome deaths so close together. “It’s happening again.”

“What’s happening again?” Nancy shakes her head. “I-I don’t understand, you guys already know what’s causing all of this?”

“We have a working theory, but it’s… not great.” Dustin slouches down, he isn’t sure how much he can explain to the girl with all that he still doesn’t know. “We think it’s connected to Chrissy’s death, something killed her in Eddie’s trailer. He told us she had gone into some sort of trance before her bones snapped and her eyes exploded..”

Nancy grimaces at the gory imagery and you squeeze her hand again. “I’m sorry about Fred.”

She gives you a tight smile before turning to your brother. “A trance? Like El? You aren’t… do you really think this has something to do with–”

“The Upside Down.” You and Max say at the same time.

“‘It’s happening again’,” Nancy echoes your words from moments ago. She understands, now. “So this-this thing that killed Fred and Chrissy is from the Upside Down?”

Steve nods at her and Dustin sighs heavily. “We think he attacks with a spell, or maybe even a curse.”

“But we don’t know if he’s under the Mind Flayer’s control,” you point out. “For all we know, he could just be someone with El’s powers. We know the lab tested on other kids, right?”

Max looks up at you and her face twists with apprehension. “I don’t know, something feels different about this, it’s almost like it’s something new. I don’t think it’s anyone like El.”

“It doesn’t make sense.” Nancy mumbles.

“No, I think Max is right. Something feels off about all of this.” Your arms draw together, it’s impossibly cold for late March. The chill has set into your bones. 

Nancy nods at you, but there’s something else on her mind. “But Fred and Chrissy also don’t make sense. I mean, why them?”

“Maybe they were just in the wrong place? They were both at the game.” Dustin offers, and you shiver again.

Billy had been in the wrong place, too. It’s how the Mind Flayer got him. He’d just been unlucky and alone.

“And the trailer park,” Max adds.

Steve’s eyes widen slightly, he shifts against you and unconsciously moves you closer to him. “We’re at the trailer park, should we… maybe not be here?”

The wind picks up and a crow cries overhead. The barren grass rustles as shadows fall against it. Your spine prickles with nerves. Steve is right to be worried. There’s something eerie about the trailer park, the caution tape that guards Eddie’s door is still too fresh. 

You wrap your sweater tighter to your body, cold with unease. Nancy’s eyes flicker around the park as the wind rustles the leaves. “Fred started acting weird the second we got here.”

Robin asks what she means, and when Nancy begins to explain how scared and on edge Fred had been, a dull throb slowly creeps up the base of your neck. The sensation builds until it’s a roar of nerve endings exploding against your temple, and you wince in pain.

Steve’s fingers skim the crest of your wrist. “Hey,” he’s lowered his voice so the others can’t hear, he knows you never like to worry others. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” the concern in Steve’s eyes burns you. He hasn’t spoken to you all day, but still his skin warms yours and he wants to make sure you’re safe. Comfortable. Okay. Even with the anger between you and all the unspoken half-truths, he still cares about you. 

You want to tell him that you haven’t slept in days, that the nightmares are back and that they’re worse than ever before. You want to rest your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It’s the only way you’ve been able to keep the migraines at bay. 

But you don’t tell Steve any of this. Instead, you lie through your teeth. “I’m fine,” you reassure him again. There isn’t time for you not to be okay. Two people have died already, your migraines can wait. 

Steve doesn’t look convinced. He knows you, he knows how you are and how much you push down for the sake of others, but before he can press you further, Robin interrupts. “Hey, lovebirds, we’re trying to solve a murder case here.”

“I’m listening,” you roll your eyes at her, skin flushing a bit with embarrassment. “Anyways, what if Fred and Chrissy saw something that made them go catatonic? I think we should be focusing on the trace-like state more, it’s a trauma response.”

“What, so they’re insane asylum patients?” Dustin asks with slight displeasure. “I mean, I guess that makes sense. But Vecna can cast spells, at least in DnD. I don’t think they just ‘saw’ something.” 

Steve scratches his nose. “If I saw some freaky wizard monster, I would mention it to someone.”

“Would you, though?” You don’t mean for the question to come off as condescending, and you quickly try to alleviate the offended look on the teen’s face. “What I mean is, who would you go to about something like that?”

“I… I think I know who they’d go to.” Max stares down at the table, her eyebrows furrowed together. She’s deep in thought, remembering something. “I saw Chrissy leaving Ms. Kelly’s office. If you saw a monster, you wouldn’t go to the police.”

“They’d never believe you,” you bear your weight against the table. Nostalgia wraps around you at the memory of how scared you’d been to tell Hopper about El, the years it took for you to trust him. “That’s why I never went to Hopper when I first found El.”

Max nods, she’s relieved you get where she’s going with this. “Exactly, but you might go to your–”

“Shrink.” Robin finishes, sending you an apologetic smile for the offensive language against the profession you hope to one day go into. “No offense, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes, feeling defensive. “Again with calling Ms. Kelly a shrink. She’s not a shrink, she’s actually really nice.”

“You sound like you know her personally.” Dustin narrows his eyes at you. Nothing goes unnoticed by him. 

All eyes turn to you, and you sink down in embarrassment. “I’ve… had a few meetings with her.”

Simultaneously both Steve and Dustin widen their eyes. They hadn’t known you were seeing Ms. Kelly. Nancy looks at you curiously, Robin bites her lip, and Max nods solemnly. It’s a large range of reactions, one that makes you anxious to deal with. “Can everyone stop staring at me, please?”

Steve lets out a quick breath and runs a hand through his hair. “You didn’t tell me you were seeing the school’s guidance counselor, Y/N.”

“She didn’t tell me, either.” Dustin mumbles bitterly. You’ve never hidden anything from him before. He wonders, distantly, when you started to.

“I didn’t want to worry you guys, it really isn’t a big deal.” When both boys bristle at this, you hold your hand up to silence them. “No, I don’t want to hear it. It’s not like I was seeing Ms. Kelly for anything serious, okay? She’s the guidance counselor, so I just. You know. Needed some guidance.”

It’s a horrible lie, you know that no one believes you, but they take pity on you and move on. Originally you really were seeing Ms. Kelly for college admissions help, but after a few sessions you slowly started opening up to her about the sleepless nights. The image of Billy’s lifeless body. Max’s screams. 

Nancy clears her throat and changes the topic. She comes up with what to do next, creating a plan to ask Ms. Kelly what she knows, and you sit silently. You’re relieved the attention is finally off of you. Within minutes a plan is formed: you and Max will talk to Ms. Kelly to try and get more information.

Steve agrees to drive to the house. As you’re walking to his passenger side door, he notices that Nancy isn’t following. Instead, she’s going to her own car. “Hey, Nance. Where’re you going?”

Nancy turns around, a guilty but determined look on her face. Her eyes land on you, knowing you’ll be the hardest to convince of her plan. “There’s just-there’s something I want to check on first.”

Predictably, your shoulders tense and your eyes ignite with worry. “Please don’t make me remind you that there are people dying right now. You can’t seriously think it’s safe to be on your own.”

“I can protect myself, Y/N.” Nancy reminds you gently, understanding your concern but knowing it isn’t needed.

“You care to share with the rest of us?” Dustin calls over to the two of you.

“I don’t want to waste your time,” Nancy shoves her hands into her jean jacket. “It’s… a real shot in the dark.”

You frown at this. “If it’s something you think is worth looking into, then it isn’t a shot in the dark. You’ve always been right.”

Nancy blushes at your words, but Steve silently fumes beside you. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Are you guys out of your mind? No way is Nancy flying solo with Vecna on the loose.”

“I never said that she should fly solo,” you say slowly, not at all liking how he’s twisting your words. You had been complimenting Nancy’s intelligence, restoring her faith back into her work. You don’t understand where this protectiveness from Steve is coming from. “I know it’s too dangerous, that’s why I was going to suggest–”

“You’re right. It’s too dangerous. Bottom line. She needs someone to-Christ.” Steve isn’t listening. He’s too caught up in his head as tosses his keys to Robin, who only barely manages to catch them. “Here, Y/N and I will stick with Nance.”

You cross your arms and glare at him. “I’m sorry?”

Steve doesn’t look at you, he’s too busy staring at Nancy, and for a brief second you truly believe that there’s something soft in his gaze when he looks at her. They’re friends, you know this. There’s a history between them that rivals your history with Jonathan. Nancy was Steve’s first love, and now he loves you, and you try desperately to shake the insecurity that you feel. 

If you’re being completely honest, you’re not even sure why you’re suddenly thinking all of this. You’ve never been insecure, at least not in your relationship with Steve. During the almost year you’ve been with him, there’ve been times girls have flirted with him or old flings that have tried to vie for his attention. But through it all your trust in him never wavered, you knew that at the end of the day it was your bed he was crawling into. 

And yet there’s a voice in the back of your head telling you that the way Steve is looking at Nancy right now is different; it’s how he looks at you. The voice is darker, more cruel. It’s one you don’t recognize, and yet you do. 

Steve seems to come back to himself and turns to you. “Robin can go with the kids to the shrink. Max can talk to her alone, it’s no big deal.”

Robin holds the keys away from her as if they’re poisoned. “I don’t think you want me driving your car.”

“Why?”

“I don’t have a license.”

Steve shakes his head with impatience. “Why don’t you have a license?”

“I’m poor,” Robin shrugs, and you laugh slightly. 

Max raises her hand. “I can drive.”

“No!” You and Steve exclaim at the same time, both of you getting war flashbacks to when Max had driven you after Billy had knocked you guys unconscious. It’d been a rough night and waking up to a thirteen year old driving a sports car definitely hadn't helped. 

“Please,” you look at Max with genuine longing. “Never, ever drive me ever again.”

“Literally anyone but you–” Steve sees Dustin make a face, offering himself to drive, and the older teen snaps his fingers at him in annoyance. “No chance.”

You shake your head as well. No way in hell are you allowing the kid to drive either. “Absolutely not, Dustin. You couldn’t even drive a golf cart properly.”

“I did a decent job!”

“I still think you’re the one who gave Steve his third concussion with your horrible braking.”

“We were being chased by evil Russians!” 

Robin steps between you and your brother, holding her hands up. “Alright, this is stupid.” She grabs Dustin’s walkie from his backpack and marches to Nancy while handing Steve his keys. “Us ladies, sans Y/N, will stick together. Unless Steve thinks we need him to protect us?”

She raises her eyebrows, challenging the teen, and you watch him. He shuffles nervously, ducks his head down. Steve is guilty and ashamed and embarrassed. Your stomach clenches. 

“He knows better than to doubt you guys,” you step in for him, saving him. “Right, Steve?”

Nancy laughs at the look of fear on his face and Robin smirks. Satisfied, they turn around and start to head towards Nancy’s car. You wish them luck as they leave, tell them to be safe. They wave back at you, and although you wish you could join them, you know that Max will want you by her side while she talks to Ms. Kelly. 

Once the girls are gone, you hit Steve’s chest. “Nice one, buddy.”

He lets out a pained huff, but he doesn’t say anything. He knows he had it coming. With a sigh he follows you back to his car and gets into the driver’s seat. Dustin stares at him through the rearview mirror with a shit eating grin on his face. Tired, Steve glares at him. “Not a word.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Dustin defends himself.

“No, but you were going to, and-hey,” Steve turns in his seat and glares even more at your brother. “Did you make sure to wipe your feet?”

“Yes,” Dustin says at the same time as you and Max say, “No.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and starts the car angrily. His movements are jerky and uncontrolled. “Always the goddamn babysitter!” He exclaims, resentment marring his face.

You jump slightly at his raised voice. He hates being sidelined, you know this. Similar to you, all Steve ever wants to do is help. He does whatever he can, he tries harder than anyone. It’s what you first fell for, back when Steve originally crashed into your life. 

It’s because of his kindness and devotion to others that you reach for Steve’s hand. His skin is cold, goosebumps raise at your touch, but you interlock your fingers through his and slowly, piece by piece, Steve relaxes. 

He’s missed your touch. You’ve missed his, too.

– 

Ms. Kelly, to her credit, tries to mask her surprise when she sees you and Max standing at her door. “Oh, hello, girls.”

“Hi,” you smile kindly at the woman. “We really hate to bother you over spring break, but do you possibly have a minute to talk?”

“With the two of you?” Ms. Kelly knew that you and Max were both grieving Billy, but she hadn’t known that you knew each other. “Y/N, I’m sure you’re aware that this is highly unusual to request.”

You wince. “Yeah, I’m definitely aware that this is a pretty strange thing to ask. It’s just that I was the one who convinced Max to start seeing you in the first place, and now that I’m also seeing you, we figured we could… talk to you together?”

It’s a horrible excuse. The lie is vague and too transparent to believe. Neither you or Max had a lot of time to come up with a convincing cover story during the drive here. 

“I don’t know,” Ms. Kelly’s face strains with contemplation. 

Max softens her eyes and does her best to look small, pleading. “Please?”

You try to appear troubled as well, though it isn’t hard. Your headache hasn’t left. The pounding in your head has only intensified since leaving the trailer park. Ms. Kelly’s gaze flits between you and Max, reading for any signs of lying or ill-will, before her resolve crumbles.

“Oh, alright.” She opens her door wider, ushers the two of you inside. “Come in.”

Steve and Dustin watch as you disappear inside the house. They’ve parked across the street, opting to be the lookout in case anything happens. You spare one last glance over your shoulder, eyes meeting Steve’s, before Ms. Kelly closes the door. 

“Okay, they’re in.” Steve states the obvious, slightly unsettled to be stuck in the car while you’re inside.

“I’m missing collarbones, not eyes.” Dustin snorts. He expects Steve to say something snarky in response, but then he notices that the teen is still staring longly out the window, tracing Ms. Kelly’s door. He looks pathetic, waiting for you, and Dustin sighs. “So… we gonna talk about it?”

Steve’s eyes linger on the doorway, a far off look on his face. When he realizes that Dustin has spoken, he turns to him slowly. “Huh? Sorry, talk about what?”

“Your temporary insanity earlier today when you basically threw yourself at Nance? In front of my sister?” 

“Okay, first of all, that’s not what happened.”

Dustin glares at Steve, defensive over you. “Oh, really? I’m pretty sure it did, there were a lot of witnesses. Y/N included.”

“What are you implying, little Henderson?” Steve rubs his face, too tired for the kid’s mind games. He knows he was being weird earlier with Nancy, but he would never do that to you. Ever. He had simply been overwhelmed and confused and feeling a multitude of things that he still isn’t ready to face.

“I’m not implying anything,” Dustin puts his hands up. “All I’m saying is that I know you and Y/N have been fighting lately and that for some stupid reason, you’re doubting your relationship.”

Steve throws his head back against the seat. Of course you told Dustin about last night. “Look, I’m not-I’m not doubting our relationship, alright? I mean, I love her, man. So, so much. We just… things have been hard, lately. Really fucking hard.”

He isn’t sure how much you’ve told your brother. He doesn’t think you’d tell him about Jonathan, at least not until you know yourself whatever the hell he’d been trying to tell you the other night. 

Dustin doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He stares past Steve, his eyes almost seem to glaze over. “It’s because she’s leaving, isn’t it?”

All the air in Steve’s lungs gets knocked out of him. “Yes,” he breathes out. His mouth is dry. He swallows, his tongue feels too thick for his mouth. “Sometimes it feels like she’s, I don’t know, like she’s outgrown me? I-I know it’s stupid, but she’s going so far for college and I’m stuck in Hawkins like some fucking moron and she-she didn’t want me going with her.” 

“Did you know that I cried when she got into NYU?” Dustin asks him, a hurt smile on his face. When Steve shakes his head, the boy inhales deeply. “Yeah, cried like a baby the whole night. I mean, I knew she applied, I knew she’d get in, but… you’re right. She is going pretty far. I’ve never,” he wipes at his eyes quickly, embarrassed that he’s crying. “I’ve never had to spend a single day without my sister.”

Steve stares at your brother, finally beginning to understand the distance between the two of you. For weeks now it’s all you’ve complained about to Steve. How much you resented Eddie for being Dustin’s new favorite person, how much you miss singing with him in the kitchen while you baked. But now here Dustin is, teary eyed, explaining to Steve just how scared he is to be without his sister. “It feels like she’s leaving you, too.”

“Yeah,” Dustin wipes his eyes again, nodding. “Yeah, sometimes it feels like she can’t wait to get out of this town.”

“Even though we’ll still be here,” Steve says solemnly. 

It’s quiet again. A few birds sing in the tree above them. You and Max haven’t returned, yet. After a while, Dustin turns to Steve. “She doesn’t mean it, you know.”

“Who?”

“Y/N,” the boy clarifies, and Steve’s heart skips a beat. “She doesn’t mean it when she says she doesn’t want you going with her to New York. She’s just… she’s scared, and she knows that it isn’t what you really want. Nothing gets past her, it’s really annoying.”

Steve scoffs a bit, fondness running through him. Dustin’s right. Nothing ever gets past you, you notice and see everything. But then he thinks about what your brother has said, the fear he hadn’t known about. “Why would she be scared?” 

Dustin stiffens in his seat, his gaze once again blurs. He twists his hands anxiously, fixes his hat. The atmosphere shifts, Steve can see that he’s uncomfortable now. He’s about to tell Dustin that he doesn’t have to answer, but the kid does anyways. “Our parents, they-um. Met in college.”

Steve sits up as well. You and Dustin never talk about your parents, at least not about your father. Steve can’t remember the last time you’ve even mentioned him. He thinks maybe the man had called you once, during Christmas. 

“They got married right before graduation. Our mom had been pregnant with Y/N, they got hitched and in their marital bliss, our dad somehow convinced our mom to leave Indiana. She grew up here, but our dad was from Virginia and he insisted that she move there.”

Bitter. Dustin is bitter.

“Everything was fine, I guess. I liked Virginia. Y/N did, too. But our mom was lonely, anyone could see that. We lived in a pretty small town, our dad was basically a goddamn Kennedy there. Everyone adored him, but our mom… things were different for her. She was always in his shadow, but Y/N and I were too young to notice for a long time.”

Steve swallows. “And then… the divorce?” 

“The stupid fucking divorce.” Dustin spits out. “It wasn’t a surprise, but somehow we still felt blindsided. One day our dad was charming, cracking jokes with everyone and playing the guitar with us, then the next he just-he snapped. Became bitter, mean. Y/N idolized him, but when our parents started fighting every night and our mom cried over some woman named Carry… I lost my sister, for a while.”

“She told me,” Steve whispers, remembering the rawness in your voice the night you confessed to him that you were once cruel. “I had to remind her that she came back, in the end.”

The corners of Dustin’s mouth turn upwards slightly. “Yeah, she came back.” But then his expression darkens, his mood sours. “Our mother almost didn’t, though. After having to move back to Hawkins with barely any money to support us, it basically destroyed her. She had lost all her friends by that point, her own parents died while we lived in Virginia.” 

“I’m sorry,” Steve’s throat constricts. He hadn’t known any of this. He feels like such an asshole now for assuming the worst in you. For allowing his own insecurities to blind him. “I-I didn’t know about any of that.” 

“Yeah, well.” Dustin shrugs. “Now you do. And you need to know that Y/N is being her usual selfless self because of our mom and what happened to her. She doesn't want that happening to you, dipshit.”

Steve exhales through his nose, his head is swimming with so many more questions, so many apologies he wishes he could say. Instead, he stares out the window, waiting for you to return. 

–

“So, what would you girls like to discuss with me?” The clock on Ms. Kelly’s walk ticks ominously behind her. She’s seated you and Max in her basement den. You can tell by the stack of books and messy desk that she uses the area as her makeshift office. 

Max slouches against her seat. “Oh, it’s nothing too serious, we were just–”

“I’m worried about Max.” You interrupt the girl, not daring to look at her.

Ms. Kelly raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“I think with all the murders happening, it might be affecting her.” It isn’t necessarily a lie. You have been worried about Max and her behavior. Especially these last few weeks. “It might be resurfacing some… memories.”

Max tries to argue, but Ms. Kelly holds her hand up. “You’ve both experienced trauma, Y/N. She lost her brother while you held his dying body.”

A lump forms in your throat, your lungs feel cold. 

The woman turns to Max, now. “And when you keep your feelings in, your pain, bottled up the way you do, it doesn’t take much to trigger them again. I can see why Y/N may be worried.”

Max doesn’t meet Ms. Kelly’s eyes. She swallows heavily and looks down at her hands. “Yeah, I know.”

“You know you can always talk to me, Max.” You say softly, wanting desperately to reach out to her. But you’re afraid it’ll only drive her further away.

She frowns at you. “Like how you talk to Dustin, or even to Steve?”

Her accusation cuts deeply. You hadn’t known that she was paying attention to you. That your disguised “I’m fine’s” weren’t convincing her. Max must know this, because she lowers her eyes again and mumbles a quiet apology. 

Ms. Kelly notices the tension and leans between the two of you. “Do you think you’re ready to talk more about that night?”

Max’s eyes gloss over briefly, her face distorts with discomfort. An onslaught of memories overtakes her, just as they overtake you. The echoes of her screams for her brother replay in your mind over and over again. The squelch of Billy’s blood trickles down your spine. You were right next to her when it happened. The blood still stains your clothes from that night at Starcourt. 

“I live next door to where it happened.” Max changes the subject, her voice returning. When Ms. Kelly asks for more clarification, she continues. “Next to where Chrissy was murdered. The cops asked me a bunch of questions. Did they talk to you?”

The woman sits up, apprehensive. She hadn’t been expecting to talk about this. You sit there quietly, head still pounding from earlier as Max takes over. She interrogates Ms. Kelly, who does her best to dodge every question, and suddenly the warmth in the room becomes unbearable. 

“Excuse me,” you stand up, hand clutching your stomach. Nausea swirls within you. You feel faint, the pounding has increased and sweat trickles down your neck. Both Max and Ms. Kelly look at you in concern, but you ignore them.

Blindly you stumble towards the kitchen you remember seeing when you arrived. Too nauseous and overwhelmed to care about niceties, you dig through Ms. Kelly’s cupboards until you find a cup. After filling it with water, the icey coolness of the liquid settles uneasily in your stomach. You lean over the sink, hands clutching the edge. Everything in your body feels unsteady.

Max comes up the stairs and finds you breathing heavily. “You’re not going to hurl, are you?”

“Trying really hard not to right now,” you breathe through your nose, out through your mouth. “Thanks for the concern.”

No response comes. Instead, footsteps walk up behind you. You hear metal clanking against glass, and when you turn around, you find Max holding up a pair of keys. She smirks, flashing you the white keyring attached to them labeled, “office”.

Your eyes bulge out of your head. “No, we are not stealing–” 

Except Max grabs your arm and practically flings you out the front door. She shoves you, urging you to start running towards Steve’s car, and all you can do is stumble over your feet and follow after her. When you make it back to the car, panting from the exertion and thrill, Steve and Dustin turn to you with wide eyes. 

“What’d she say?” Your brother asks, noting your frazzled appearance. 

“Nothing, just drive.” Max dismisses. 

“I just became a felon.”

The girl rolls her eyes at you. “Personal property theft isn’t a felony.”

“Jesus,” Steve does a double take, baffled by this entire conversation. “What the hell did you guys do in there?”

“Steve, drive!” Max shouts at him. 

The tires of the car squeal against the pavement as Steve steps on the gas. He steadies the car, a wild look in his eyes. “Where are we even going?”

“The school,” Max holds up the keys she stole.

Dustin looks at her incredulously. “Are those–”

“The keys to Ms. Kelly’s office? Yeah.” You nod grimly. “I told you, I’m now a felon.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic–”

A voice comes through Cerebro, cutting Max off. “Dustin? It’s Lucas. Do you copy?”

Relief washes over you hearing Lucas’ voice. Between tracking down Eddie and dealing with interrogating school guidance counselors, you’d also been slowly worrying yourself to death over the boy. It’s unusual for him to be quiet for so long, and with all the murders now occurring… You’d been terrified. 

“Lucas? Where the hell have you been?” Demands Dustin.

“Just listen, are you guys looking for Eddie?”

You and Steve share an uncertain look. Why would Lucas be radioing about him? How much does he know?

Your brother tells Lucas that you’ve found Eddie and tells him where he is, that he’s safe. Immediately, the boy responds, “You guys know he killed Chrissy, right?”

Predictably, Dustin doesn’t take this very well. “That’s bullshit, Eddie tried to save Chrissy.”

Lucas presses further, not believing what he’s hearing. Max snatches the radio from Dustin, tired of all the vague responses. “Lucas, you’re so behind it’s ridiculous, okay?”

“Technically we still haven’t elaborated on the whole Eddie thing,” you point out, which she glares at you for. 

“Y/N?” Lucas asks, surprised to hear you’re with them.

You grab the walkie. “Hey, how’s your day been?”

“Awful,” he responds bluntly while Steve snorts at your question. “Why are you guys so sure Eddie didn’t–”

“Just meet us at school. We’ll explain later.” Max instructs, leaning over the car’s console. 

“I can’t,” fear leaks through Lucas’ voice. You sit up now, looking at Steve again. He hears it, too. “I think some real bad shit’s about to go down.”

You feel your heartbeat pick up. “Lucas, what does that mean? Are you okay, where are you?”

“Sinclair!” A voice shouts, before the radio cuts into static. 

“Lucas? Lucas!” Max shouts into the walkie, but he doesn’t respond. She sounds scared, it’s the most emotion you’ve heard in her voice in months.

You’re no better. You sit in the passenger seat, numb. The voice, you recognized it. You’d know Jason Carver’s voice anywhere. Everything clicks; you remember how Lucas was supposed to go to the party after the basketball game. Chrissy had been Jason’s girlfriend before she was brutally killed. The cops would’ve questioned him, they would’ve told him how her body had been found in Eddie’s trailer. 

Eddie Munson, the town freak everyone hates. 

“What shit could Lucas get into?” Dustin questions, annoyance twinged with worry for his friend. 

You try to steady your breathing, nausea returning. You almost don’t recognize the sound of your own voice. “It’s Jason. He’s-he’s angry.”

The words settle in the car, linger in the air, before they crash heavily upon the four of you. The realization dawns on everyone, the inevitability of what will happen next is an unbearable weight.

Steve steps even harder on the gas. He knows the basketball team, how cruel teen boys can be. 

– 

Every time you’ve snuck into one of Hawkins’ schools, it’s never led to anything good. The first two times had been in the middle school for Will. Neither time involved very pleasant memories. This year you’re sneaking into the high school in order to violate your classmates’ privacy and read their deepest, darkest secrets.

“This feels wrong,” you huff under your breath, barely keeping up with Steve and the others as they run through the hallway. “I’d hate it if anyone read my file.”

“Would you rather risk anyone else dying?” Max responds, giving you a pointed look.

You frown but don’t say anything, figuring she’s right. As much as you hate to do this, it’s objectively the lesser of two evils. You’ll apologize to the students after this is done. If they question why you’ve baked them brownies, you’ll simply lie and say you had extra laying around. 

“Dustin, do you copy?” Robin’s voice carries over the radio. Your heart skips a beat hearing her, you’ve missed her today. After your brother responds, she starts to explain what she and Nancy found. “So, Nancy’s a genius.”

“What else is new?” You say, and Robin laughs.

“My thoughts exactly, pretty girl.” She clears her throat. “Anyways, Vecna’s first victims date back all the way to 1959. Her shot in the dark was a bull’s-eye.”

The new information startles you. Vecna first started killing in 1959? Why didn’t you hear anything about it until now, and why didn’t El sense him before?

Dustin looks equally unsettled by the news. “Okay, that’s totally bonkers, but we can’t really talk right now.”

“What are you doing?”

“Breaking and entering into the school to retrieve confidential and extremely personal files.”

You wince. It’s as bad as it sounds. Tapping Dustin’s shoulder, you break him away from the walkie. “Wait, we won’t need my files, right?”

Steve eyes you up and down, shrugging indifferently. “Well–” Hitting his chest, he sputters at you. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“You’re not reading my files, Harrington.”

Meanwhile, Dustin urges Robin and Nancy to meet you guys at the school. By the time their conversation wraps up, Max has unlocked the office door. She heads straight towards the drawers, long familiar with the layout; you follow after her.

Steve and Dustin look around while you and Max dig through the files. They mumble something about Watergate, but you can barely hear them over the rush of blood in your eardrums. Max’s fingers rest on a specific file. The name printed on it makes you feel sick.

Fred Benson.

“Holy shit,” she exhales, grabbing it.

“Found it?” Dustin stands next to you now, neck peering down. 

You struggle to breathe. “We didn’t just find Chrissy’s file.”

Dustin tilts his head, he doesn’t understand, and Max holds the file up. “Fred was seeing Ms. Kelly too.”

Steve and Dustin freeze. You can practically see their heartbeats still. The air in the room goes stale. Their eyes linger on you, they wish they couldn’t piece it together. Chrissy and Fred were seeing Ms. Kelly up until their deaths. You and Max have been seeing her, too. It’s one hell of a coincidence. 

But that’s all this is. A horrible, awful coincidence. 

“Y/N…” Steve breathes out, but you shake your head at him.

“Please,” your lip trembles. Not here, not now. He can’t look away from you, but you can’t bear to look at him. Instead, you grab the remaining files and hand them to Max. “We need to go through them. All of them.”

Dustin sits at the desk, Steve’s hand rests on the small of your back as you lean over Max to read the files. He shines a flashlight for the two of you, Chrissy’s file is the first one you read. The image of her once vibrant and alive smile stares back at you. There’s a column of writing to the left of her photo, the handwriting is neat, orderly, and it catches your attention.

“Are those…?”

“Symptoms.” Max softly answers, eyes skimming down the list.

Past trauma.

Terrible migraines.

Difficulty sleeping.

Headaches.

Max’s entire body tenses, her muscles pull taut against you. Your own body shakes, the tremors misalign your bones. Slowly, she looks up at you. Her eyes silently beg you to tell her that you’ve gotten it all wrong. Max’s blue eyes plead with you to tell her that none of this is real.

“Steve,” your voice catches, unable to inhale. “Can we see Fred’s file?”

He softly agrees, handing you the file immediately. You take it from him. The paper trembles in your unsteady grasp. Laying them down, you open the file and Fred’s photo burns you. Next to it is a list of symptoms.

They’re the same as Chrissy’s. 

They’re the same as yours. 

The headaches. Sleepless nights. The trauma you’ve been through, the nightmares that will never truly go away. Everything you’ve experienced within the last week. 

Nosebleeds is starred, and for a moment your heartbeat settles. You haven’t had a nosebleed since you were five. It isn’t one of your symptoms; it can all still be a coincidence.

“This-this can’t be right.” You don’t know if you say this to reassure Max or yourself, but when you look down at her, you know. She has a far off look in her eyes. She doesn’t react to what you’ve just said. 

It’s only then that you remember her nosebleed from earlier this week; it hadn’t been a coincidence. 

“Max?” You shake her shoulders, tears already in your eyes. You know better than to be so naive, so blindly ignorant. You should’ve known better. You should’ve known that something was wrong.

Dustin and Steve try to wake Max, but she’s already left her body. She’s unresponsive, lost in whatever trance she’s in. 

“Y/N, what’s happening?” Steve demands, fear in his own voice.

You’re hysterical, screaming and sobbing for Max to wake up. Her body is so small against yours, she’s frail and weak and her skin has never looked so translucent. Over and over you shake her, your palms rest against her cheeks and you cry.

You’ve come to know what fear is. How it can blind a person, leave them stricken with such raw anguish. Fear takes whatever air is left inside you and it poisons it with sulfur and leaves you choking. 

The day Will went missing, the only air left in your body had been blood. 

When inside the tunnels defending your little brother from monsters, the air in your body had been carbon. 

Starcourt mall and the fireworks that exploded over Billy’s dangling and bloodied body left only just enough air in your lungs to scream.

But this fear, seeing Max unresponsive to your pleas, this fear doesn’t spare you any air. 

Gasping and choking, you’re a wreck. “Max!”

Faintly you can feel Steve’s hands on you, or maybe they’re Dustin’s. Someone grabs you, pulls you away, but all you can do is scream.

It all makes sense now, Nancy’s question from earlier rings in your ears. You know why Chrissy and Fred were targeted. Why Ms. Kelly was somehow the center of it all.

The symptoms they experienced prior, the same ones that plague you and Max. You know what it is.

Venca’s curse.

-

⌑ series masterlist

⌑ i am no longer doing a taglist, my apologies ! however, please feel free to like, reblog, and comment instead :)

[affixjoy]

I did it folks, I watched the one with the whales!

What a delightful movie, I had so much fun watching it. I don’t think it’s as high quality as Wrath of Khan, but its still so well done. There’s so much humor and hijinks! And WHALES!

Some things I loved:

💫 Spock trying to swear to fit in. Hilarious, and they used it the exact perfect amount. Any more would have been too much.

💫 Bones in the hospital. Perfectly grumpy, perfectly smart.

💫 Scotty was just great the whole movie. He’s always fun, but I like that he had a little more to do and got to be so funny. I bet it was a blast to film.

💫 The entire scene where Chekov is asking for the nuclear vessels had my husband and I dying of laugher. Possibly the hardest I’ve ever laughed at TOS stuff.

💫 Old married Spirk touring San Francisco together and visiting the whales. It wasn’t quitttttte the amount of love and heartbreak I wanted, but we did get some of it with Spock not calling him Jim.

💫 And of course, gotta include some Spones/McSpirk feelings! Bones translating Jim to Spock felt very THEM and very funny.

💫 I love that we got a sweet father/son moment with Sarek and Spock. After everything, it’s just so nice that Sarek could finally be proud of Spock. I wish Amanda had been there to see it, I’m always fascinated by her and her relationship with her family.

💫 I just love this crew, and I continue to be so pleased to see them all together having adventures and growing older. The more I watch the more I realize how rare and precious it is that we get to see them age. We get to watch them get older and dealing with it, growing in their careers and friendships. We get to watch how their bodies naturally change. And like, maybe that’s a weird thing to fixate on, but for the last few years I’ve been thinking a lot about how everyone on tv has to be young and beautiful. Even as they get older, they try to look as young as possible. But I feel like here I’m getting to see their wrinkles and their gray hair and their weight gain. They look like people instead of an idealized version of people. And I’m not saying they AREN’T beautiful, just that they look real and interesting and like they’ve lived. I’m sure smarter people than I have written articles and books about this. It’s just so nice to see and makes me happy!

Overall, extremely fun movie. Seems like it will be a great rewatch. If I have to rank them so far it goes:

Wrath of Khan

Voyage Home

Search For Spock (very close to Voyage home but not quite as good!)

And way down at the bottom is TMP.

[anewstartrekfan]

Why I like Kirk so much and why I think he didn’t resonate as much with general audiences as Spock did

I think what Gene Roddenberry and the rest of the tos crew underestimated is how powerful knowledge of a character can be when they thought Kirk would be popular over Spock. As season 1 progresses while you do get information about both Kirk and Spock peppered through out, how much and how it’s conveyed is important.

Spock is Stoic yes, but surprisingly he talks about his past and what it means to be Vulcan a lot. And other characters comment on Vulcans too like McCoy describing where a Vulcan heart is. Even moving onto season 2, when Spock truly, desperately, does not want to explain what Pon Farr is or that Sarek is his father, he admits these things under pressure. And all of this information is what’s gives the audience an idea of what informs his actions.

Jim Kirk however, despite being very outgoing and charismatic, very rarely talks about himself. With few exceptions, every time you do learn something about his past it’s because someone else explains it or points it out. You’ve got where no man has gone before where Gary talked about their academy days, The naked time while Spock talked about his regrets, Kirk vents that he wants a personal connection and then is literally the only person who is able to will the virus to stop effecting him (on his own I mean) just long enough for McCoy to give him the cure.

The Android copy of Kirk tells us about Kirk’s brother Sam, in Conscience of the king literally everyone except Kirk explains his tragic tarsus iv backstory, we never find out who the Ruth girl is in shore leave, and it’s Bones that brings up Sam lives on Deneva. Even in season 2 in the worst episode ever, the deadly years, when Kirk is in a room alone with his ex fiancé, she explains their history. Not Kirk.

This man is allergic to talking about himself I love it.

Edit: Whenever Jim does even sorta talk about his past, it’s always in the context of what the other people he’s talking to know about it. Take Tarsus IV. Spock tells Jim that he checked the same library records. So when Jim finally opens up at the end of the conversation, it’s information Spock and Bones already know. “I saw him [Kodos] once, 20 years ago.” Then about 10 minutes later when he’s talking with Kodos and trying to get proof, he gives Kodos a copy of the speech Jim heard him read 20 years ago. Saying that he memorized the words. Again, these are things only the two of them would know about. It’s not something Jim exclusively went through.

Then later in Obsession when Jim is talking about his prior experience with the fog, everything he references was in the report he made after the Farragut disaster that he knows Spock and Bones read. There is no new information he reveals about what happened to him or even how he felt about it. Bones has to be the one to say Jim was wrecked with guilt because at the end of the day, Jim will never willingly talk about his past without knowing or thinking the other person he’s talking to has the same information. He will not reveal anything new 95% of the time.

Anyway back to the old blog.

While I’d argue conscience of the king does most of the work you would ever need to explain why Kirk is the way he is, the fact is we don’t learn much about his past through him. Instead it’s Kirk’s actions that inform our understanding of him. Which on some level I like a lot. It’s rare that a tv series doesn’t lean heavily into some tragic backstory explaining why a character acts the way they do. But it isn’t just he doesn’t have multiple tragic backstories. It’s what we know nothing about his past in general. Ffs we didn’t learn he grew up in Iowa until Star Trek IV. It might not even be Riverside! That town just claimed it for themselves and everyone rolled with it.

Edit: SNW did confirm after almost 40 years that riverside is Kirk’s birthplace.

The audience never truly closes the gap with Kirk because he never willingly opens up (at least where I am in the show idk maybe the movies change this) So comparatively Spock just had more going on.

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Cruel Weather (Part Two)

requests: “I was wondering if you’d maybe do something about sissy getting seriously hurt (like a landing in the hospital kind of bad?) I honestly just really want to see all the boys protective and worried about her” and “Hi!!! Im absolutely in love with the penalty box series, and i was wondering if we could get a small blurb with sissy getting injured? ik you did a thing depicting how the boys would react, and im intrigued to see how that would play out:)”

requests based off this ask: how the boys would react to sissy getting hurt

warnings: major car accident, crying, surgery, broken bones, coma, mentions of throwing up, panic attacks, mentions of dying, arguing, mentions of getting drunk

word count: 3.6k

General Series Masterlist

part one — part two — part three — part four

—————

Trevor woke up a little after seven the next morning by Jamie shaking him awake and handing him an iced coffee.

“I bet your back feels great,” Jamie laughed at his best friend’s weird sleeping position.

Trevor stretched and they both winced at the amount of pops there were.

“Depending on how long she’s in here, I might get used to it,” Trevor said. “Thanks.”

Jamie nodded in response and yanked the chair from underneath Trevor’s legs to sit in.

“Mama Hughes is forcing everyone to eat breakfast. We got yelled at for the lack of food, by the way,” Jamie said, getting a small chuckle from Trevor.

“Of course we did.”

“So they all went out and I was permitted to bring you coffee and check on you, and they’ll bring us something back,” Jamie told him.

Trevor nodded in response, “Has anyone heard from Quinn?”

Jamie took a hold of Y/N’s hand at the mention of her best friend’s name, “His flight didn’t take off until close to six, so he should get here around nine, nine thirty. How’s she doing?”

“Same as last night,” Trevor sighed. “If a doctor came in, I slept through it.”

“I’m surprised you slept,” Jamie commented.

“I didn’t wanna disappoint her,” Trevor said low. Jamie understood what he meant. If Y/N heard that he was a wreck and didn’t take care of himself at all, she’d lecture him and feel tremendously guilty.

“How was everyone at the house?”

“It was quiet,” Jamie said. “Scarily quiet. I think everyone was worried they wouldn’t hear a phone ring if they spoke too loud. Jack talked to Quinn, but that was about it. Jim and Ellen slept in my room, and the rest of us all slept in the living room and semi watched the Hunger Games.”

“Alex’s idea?”

“Jack’s,” Jamie answered. “I think it was for Luke.”

“He’s been keeping all of us sane,” Trevor said.

“He’s channeling Sissy,” Jamie smiled.

“She’d kill you if she knew you called her that,” Trevor said in a fake warning tone.

“Good; maybe she’ll wake up,” Jamie joked, and luckily, got a real laugh out of Trevor.

“I needed that.”

“We both did.”

Both boys sat in a comfortable, well… as comfortable as they could be given the situation, silence as they watched the steady up and down movement of Y/N’s chest. Sure, she needed a machine’s assistance, but she was breathing.

The silence was only broken by everyone else filing into the room with food for the two boys. Cole and Alex had stolen some chairs they found in the hall for people to sit in, and made sure to grab an extra for when Quinn arrived.

A nurse came in and checked on all of her vital signs and medication outputs before telling the group that everything looks okay.

“Do you know when she’ll wake up?” Cole asked.

“It’s not an exact science, but she should be waking up within the next couple of days,” the nurse answered politely. They thanked her and returned to their silence when she left.

“Okay, somebody say something. I’m going to go insane,” Luke piped up.

“Remember our senior year?” Alex asked, a hint of mischief laced in his voice.

“Oh god,” Cole groaned into his hands.

“We were all a mess,” Trevor laughed.

“Sissy especially!” Jack called out.

“She was the biggest menace out of all of us,” Alex said.

“She’s still a menace,” Jamie pointed out.

“She was worse,” Trevor told him.

“Much worse,” Luke agreed.

“That was an interesting year to say the least,” Ellen said as she smiled at the boys reminiscing.

“Do I even wanna know?” Jamie asked.

“Give him a glimpse, Z,” Jack said.

“You know how at parties she’s a runner and we tend to tie her to one of us?”

“Yeah?”

“That started after I tripped and sprained my ankle while chasing her around a lake. The only reason I caught her and we made it back is because she puked in said lake and decided to get in it to, and I quote, ‘give herself a bath.’”

Jamie started laughing, genuinely laughing, and it was so contagious that the rest of the group did, too.

It was needed. They knew she was going to wake up soon, and they thought they all deserved a little laughter. It died out quickly, and the reminder of why they were all in a room together was too strong.

“We were supposed to facetime tonight,” Cole said suddenly.

“At eight,” Alex added.

“What movie was she gonna make you watch?” Jamie asked.

“She said it was a surprise,” Cole whispered. He was scared that if he talked any louder, his voice would crack. Him and Alex hadn’t seen her with the breathing tube, yet.

“She keeps a list on her phone of movies she wants to watch with you,” Trevor told him. “I have her phone, if you want to know what tonight’s plan was.”

Cole shook his head, “I’ll let her keep her surprise.”

The group swapped stories, which felt a little weird, but it was something to pass the time. Even in a coma, just stories about her brought smiles to everyone’s faces.

“I don’t even know where she ended up after the party before our draft day,” Jack laughed.

“Sissy and Z ended up sleeping on my floor,” a new voice said in the doorway. Quinn.

Trevor stood up immediately and the two boys, arguably the two most important people to Sissy, stared at each other. Quinn nodded, and somehow Trevor knew what he meant. He met him the middle and the two of them hugged each other the tightest they ever had before. If anyone were to understand just how hard this accident was hitting them, it was the other.

Jamie stood up as well and offered the chair closest to Y/N to him. He sat down and took his best friend’s hand in both of us, just as every other person who has sat in the chair before him.

“Do you want a moment alone?” Trevor asked.

“Yeah,” Quinn croaked. He was already a mess, but seeing her made it all come crashing down. He was no longer focusing on getting to Y/N. He was here. And it was so much worse than he imagined.

Everyone quietly shuffled out of the room and into the hall. Quinn gripped onto Y/N’s uninjured hand for dear life and allowed himself to cry. Only it wasn’t just crying that he was doing. He was full on sobbing with his head down on the thin mattress.

“I just saw you. Last week we were doing our yearly group workout before training camp and now you’re comatose because of how your depression medication mixed with the anesthesia. When Trevor called me to tell me-“

Quinn got too choked up to continue, but he needed to get it out. He didn’t even know if she could hear him; he just needed to say it.

“To tell me you slipped into a coma, I thought he was calling to tell me you died. I thought I was going to have to hear over the phone that you had died and I lost the most important person to me forever. I couldn’t sleep. I know you’ll scold me for that, but I couldn’t. I tried. I just kept waking up from nightmares about life without you.

“You’ve been in my life since I was seven years old. You’ve practically been my sister since day one. I’ve protected you from so much, and I couldn’t stop this from happening. You’ve been through so much, and now you have to go through this, and I won’t be here. Trevor and Jamie are great for you, and they’ll take good care of you, but it won’t be me. It physically can’t be and the thought of that makes me sick.”

Quinn jumped at what happened next. He wasn’t completely sure he didn’t imagine it, that’s how surprised he was.

“Sissy?” he whispered.

This time, Quinn was sure it happened. Y/N’s unconscious form lightly squeezed his hand. Quinn tried to not get his hopes up too high. He knows that movement doesn’t always mean the person will wake up soon, due to the fact that he heavily researched comas the second he was told, but it has to mean something.

“Trevor!” Quinn called out, making sure his voice didn’t portray that it was an emergency.

His tone wasn’t much help, because with the situation at hand, Trevor immediately assumed something was wrong. He ran into the room with his eyes wide and heart racing harder than ever.

“What’s wrong?! What happened?! I don’t hear anything and she looks fine. Well not fine-“

“She squeezed my hand!” Quinn cut him off.

Trevor’s eyes widened at the news. Everyone else overheard the announcement from the hall and came flooding in, as well. Jim told everyone he was getting a nurse to check if it meant something, or if it was a subconscious movement. After all, even years long coma patients can slightly move to external stimuli.

After a few quick trials, it was concluded that she wasn’t squeezing hands as a response, because she would do it at random times, and a few minutes later stopped doing it all together.

It was a false hope.

“I’m sorry,” Quinn said. He was absolutely defeated.

“Don’t be sorry, Quinny,” Jack sighed. “She was squeezing your hand. She squeezed Trevor’s, and she squeezed Dr. Walsh’s hand. She’s in there. She’s just not awake yet.”

“When did you get so wise?” Quinn teased him.

“Z and I were talking about that this morning,” Jamie said.

“About me being wise?”

“Jimmy here said you were channeling Sissy,” Trevor smiled. “I told him she’d kill him if she knew he called her Sissy.”

“I am seeing a bit of Sissy in you lately,” Jim pointed out to his son.

Jack smiled to himself. It was the biggest compliment he could ever receive, in his opinion.

“It’s a twin thing,” Jack joked.

“Definitely a twin thing,” Luke played along.

— — —

It was getting harder than it was yesterday to sit in a room and listen to the heart monitor beep. The more they looked at her, the more frail and broken she looked. It was taking a toll on everyone and it was only day two.

Jim and Ellen went to get everyone lunch, and Jack decided that everyone needs to shower so they’ll take turns going back to Trevor, Jamie, and Sissy’s house. Jack thought Trevor would put up the biggest fight, but it was actually Quinn.

“I just got here!” Quinn argued.

“And you’re all worked up,” Jack tried to reason with his big brother. “You need to-“

“I need to be with her,” Quinn cut him off firmly. “You all saw her last night. You all got to race here the second you got the call while I was stuck in my house going out of fucking mind and you have the nerve to tell me that I need to leave her after only a few hours to take my third shower in the last twenty four hours?!”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I just thought-“

“Stop trying to be Sissy!” Quinn yelled.

The energy in the room went still. Everyone was frozen in place. Jack’s eyes might have been wide, but they were full of hurt.

“You’re not Sissy. No one will ever come close to her. She’s lying in a hospital bed, you’re perfectly fine and bossing people around! Well guess what, Jack? I’m not fine! Taking a shower isn’t going to take away from the fact that the person I would take a bullet for is suffering and will be for a long time!”

“You think I’m fine?!” Jack fired back. “I haven’t been fine since Jamie called! I had to tell everyone! I had to call Alex, and Cole, and Luke, mom and dad, and you! I had to make sure Trevor didn’t go catatonic for the entire time Sissy is in the hospital! I had to make sure Luke didn’t fall apart at the seams when he passed by her and Trevor’s room! I’ve been taking care of everybody with no one to help me! I didn’t sleep last night because every time I closed my eyes, I saw her dying in my arms and you think I’m perfectly fine?!”

Jack’s knees started to give out, and if it wasn’t for Cole and Alex catching him and easing him into a chair, he would’ve collapsed on the floor.

“I know she’s your best friend, but she was mine first. I was the one there for her when you left. She kept telling you that she was fine. What she didn’t tell you was that she cried herself to sleep in my bed every night for weeks,” Jack said through tears. “She’s been in my life longer than anyone else’s here. So no, Quinn, I’m not fine. But she won’t be fine if she finds out that everyone important to her fell apart over her, so I’m doing what I can for her.”

“Let’s give the brothers a moment alone with her,” Jamie said. “We can all go to the house to… do things.”

Everyone remained silent as they left, leaving only the three Hughes boys alone. Quinn sighed and took a seat next to Jack.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Me, too,” Jack whispered.

“Did she really cry in your room for weeks?” Luke asked as he got up to sit in the third chair next to Jack. All Jack did was nod.

“She didn’t tell me,” Quinn said glumly. He felt like the worst brother in the world.

“She didn’t want to make you feel guilty,” Jack shrugged. “I’m just glad she moved with us when I went. I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened to her.”

“She would’ve popped back up into our lives eventually,” Luke said.

“Yeah, but in what state?” Quinn asked.

“Hopefully better than this one,” Luke answered.

— — —

Tensions had died down once everyone came back and the brothers were handed food and politely demanded to eat by Ellen. Lunch was really dinner, because it was just after five.

Y/N remained the same. The nurses checked vitals, administered pain medication, and whatever else they did while they kicked everyone out the room to give them space to work. Everything they did, she still stayed unconscious, and left the group with the constant reassurance that the delayed emergence therapy was working and she should be waking up “within the next few days.”

After Jack and Quinn’s argument, Quinn made sure to make sure Jack wasn’t falling apart while trying to help everybody. He was prepared to fly to Jersey to be with him, so he felt that he should keep his word and be there for him now. If Jack noticed, he drew no attention to it.

The nursing staff kicked everyone out at eight when normal visitor hours ended as opposed to their late night stay the night before. No one wanted to go, but she was stable, so no one fought too hard. Everyone left to the parking lot, leaving only Trevor and Quinn in the room.

“You can stay-“ they both started speaking at the same time.

“She’s your best-“

“She’s your girlfriend,” Quinn cut Trevor off. “You’re her world. Trust me on that. Just call me first if anything happens, alright?”

“Alright,” Trevor smiled.

There wasn’t much for Trevor to do besides worry until he passed out at some ungodly hour, so he put on The Hunger Games to feel like Y/N was watching it with him. The doctors said that the closer she got to waking up, the more she could potentially be aware of external stimuli, and Trevor was too optimistic to not believe it. So, he put on her favorite movie series and hoped for the best.

Everything was fine the entire duration of the first movie. There was nothing but the sounds of the movie and Y/N’s steady heartbeat monitored on the machine.

Everything was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

Well passed one in the morning, the once steady beep was blaring at what felt like a mile a minute. Nurses and doctors came flooding in and immediately began shouting words that Trevor didn’t understand. What he did understand was that he was being ordered out, but that didn’t mean he was going to listen. Instead, he remained in the doorway, helplessly watching while the hospital staff tried to get Y/N back to her original state.

The excessive beeping stopped, and Trevor desperately wanted it to return because the sound that took its place made Trevor sick.

Y/N flatlined.

“No!” Trevor wailed and dropped to his knees.

A nurse immediately went towards him and started to push him out of the room in an attempt to calm him down as the doctor in the room pulled out the defibrillators.

“Sir, you’re having a panic attack,” the nurse told him calmly. “I need you to breathe.”

“My girlfriend just died!”

The nurse was right. Trevor was hyperventilating so much that he could no longer deny what was happening to him. His head felt heavy, his ears were ringing, and his chest felt like it was burning.

“I have to call Quinn!” he shouted out. He probably interrupted the nurse, but he was so out of it, he couldn’t tell. “I have to call Quinn, I have to! You have to let me call Quinn!”

“Okay, Trevor, is it?” She continued when he nodded. “We’ll call Quinn, but we need to focus on you right now before you get hurt.”

Trevor continued to fight with her and caused quite the scene in the hallway. The next thing he knew, he was being held down and given a shot. Then it went black.

— — —

Quinn threw up when he hung up the phone.

Sissy flatlined. She died. They barely got her stable in time. His world almost ended.

Alex was the one that found him and got him calmed down enough to talk to him, the only thing was that he didn’t. Quinn could already be a quiet guy, but he had gone silent. Alex couldn’t even get his attention.

“Quinn!” Alex shouted. He grabbed his face in hands and looked directly into his eyes. “Now is not the time to shut down! What happened?! What happened, Quinn?!”

All the commotion brought the attention of the others, but Jack and Luke were the only ones that stepped into the bathroom.

“Q?” Jack asked calmly. “Quinn, what’s wrong? What happened? Is Sissy okay?”

Quinn shook his head.

“Quinn, how much worse can she get from being in a coma?”

Nothing. Jack put his hands on his brother’s shoulders, “HOW MUCH WORSE CAN SHE GET FROM BEING IN A COMA?!”

Ellen pushed everyone out of the way, including her middle child, and stood close to Quinn.

“Give him room!” Ellen shouted, shooing Alex and Jack out of the small bathroom. “Let’s give him some time to breathe before we hound him!”

It took twenty three minutes for Quinn to get to a state of mind where he could actually speak coherent sentences he was in so much shock. Everyone had gone downstairs, Quinn included, and waited. Jack got him water and sat next to him while Ellen comforted him on his other side.

“Quinny, just answer me this— is Sissy okay?” Luke asked. “Just move your head. You don’t have to speak.”

Luke was shaking. Quinn took notice and his big brother mode kicked in.

“She’s stable,” he said.

Everyone let out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. The fear of the worst had captivated every single one of them. What else would send Quinn into silence?

“Then… what- what uh… what happened?” Jamie asked awkwardly, terrified for his answer.

“She died,” Quinn said in monotone. He was still in shock.

“No! No, no, no! Quinn, you just said she’s stable!” Jack shouted at him.

“She is. They barely got to her in time,” Quinn said, a little more lively this time. “She died. But she’s stable now.”

Quinn caught his little brother’s eyes— they were clouded by fear. No, fear wasn’t the right word for it. He looked terrified.

Quinn was so focused on Jack that he failed to notice Jamie. In fact, everyone was so focused on Quinn that they failed to notice Jamie. Jamie, who felt like the weight of the sun just landed on his chest. Jamie, who didn’t hear anything past “she died.” Jamie, who was against the wall with his knees pressed to his chest and couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He hadn’t known Y/N for as long as the others, not even close, but he loves her. He loves her just as much as anybody else. She’s one of his best friends, and he doesn’t want to live in a world without her. He lives with her! In the very house they’re in right now. Where he just got the news. And suddenly, he’d rather be anywhere else. Jamie made a break for the door, but Jack caught him and turned him to face him.

“Jimmy! Hey, look at me,” Jack said urgently. His hands were on Jamie’s shoulders to keep him in place. “She’s alive. Sissy is alive. Y/N is alive.”

Jamie leaned backwards and slammed his head against the wall. He closed his eyes and wiped his hands down his face.

“Thank fuck,” he said through tears.

Jack put a comforting hand on his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug, “Yeah. Thank fuck.”

[companionjones]

Lover/Awoken

Pairing: Spock x Reader

Fandom: Star Trek (Kelvin Timeline)

Summary: While saving the children of an alien species, you are injected with a toxin that causes immense pain. What will be Spock’s reaction to this?

Warnings: Pain, almost-death

*******

    “Just do it!”

    Scotty beamed you back, causing you to feel like you were hit by a starship.

    “--y would you do that?!” Bones had practically caught you when you showed up in the beam room. He was yelling at Kirk, as always. “You should never beam someone wen that kind of toxins been introduced to their system!”

    “S-Sp--” You tried to ask about your lover, but the words wouldn’t come out.

    Bones just nodded. He knew what you were trying to say. “Spock’s on his way. He just got back, too.”

    “I am right here, my love,” your partner suddenly appeared and knelt next to you. He took over from Bones in holding you.

    Your brow furrowed at the term of endearment. Then, with another stabbing pain, you realised you must’ve been worse off than you thought. “Spock, it...it hurts,” you gritted as you leaned into him.

    “I know, baby. It-It is going to be okay.”

    “Baby. Hmm. I must be dying,” you thought.

    Spock and Bones blurred as you drifted from consciousness.

***

    “Spock. I think they’re waking up.”

    There was the sound of frantic rustling as the world came back into focus. The first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was your half-Vulcan. A quick glance at and behind him revealed that he had probably been sleeping when Kirk told him of your waking.

    “How long have I been out?” you asked.

    Spock answered. “...Two days.”

    “I’ll give you two some privacy,” offered the captain.

    If you knew Spock, he would’ve forgotten to eat while waiting for you. It occurred to you that Kirk probably took care of Spock as much as he could while you were sleeping.

    “Jim,” you called after him, getting him to turn around. “Thank you,” you told him.

    Smiling, he nodded, “No problem,” and left.

    “Are the children of the species okay?” you immediately asked Spock.

    He nodded. He was sitting on the side of your bed, holding your hand and brushing his thumb over the back of it. “Yes. We were able to neutralise the toxin. There should be no more casualties.”

    You nodded in return, then pulled your hand from his to place it on your cheek. “You haven’t shaved.”

    A smile flashed across his face. “Yes. As I am sure you understand, I was indisposed. I could go now and--”

    “No, wait. I like it,” you stopped him to say.

    There was no mistaking the smirk on Spock’s lips then. “I missed you very much,” he stated simply.

    “And I you, S’chnn,” you replied with all the sincerity that you had. You took his face in your hands brought him close to you so you could kiss your lover for the first time since you had awoken, but certainly not the last time that day.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it! I would also really appreciate a comment, if you have the time. If you would like to read more, check out my masterlist. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you! <3 <3 <3

[lavender-romancer]

He's So Pretty 

Jim Kirk x Reader  CW: distress, angst, romance 

Kirk had no idea you felt the same way for him as he did for you, as you plan to leave Starfleet. Is it all too little too late for the two of you? 

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

He felt dead inside, Kirk wouldn't show it but he couldn't stand the fact you were leaving and it hurt even more that he'd never gained the courage to be honest with you. His plan was to have a meeting with you as a farewell in his Captain's quarters before you left the enterprise when they docked in Yorktown to refuel in a few weeks. But he didn't know if he could wait that long, he'd been holding this in for so long it felt like it was begging to be let out. You were too good for him and he knew that his feelings were real because he hardly ever bit his tongue but he was terrified you wouldn't feel the same as him. The only person to ever get his tongue tied, the only person who he would always be looking for in a crowd, it was unexplainable how much he cared about you. But now... now you were leaving and fuck, he wished you knew everything going on in his head. 

"You're gonna kill yourself with guilt if you don't say something," Bones said in a matter of a fact way.

"I am aware, Bones." Jim grinned because he knew how dumb and high school it all was.

"Just tell the damn girl!" Bones exclaimed.

"Oooo. What girl is this!" Both the men jumped at the sound of your voice walking into the bar, they both went silent "Awh come on, is this a boys club conversation?" You put your hands on your hips and Kirk laughed. 

"Something like that, dumbass," Kirk looked up at you and you rolled your eyes before punching his arm.

"You love me really, no matter how many times you insult me. You're gonna miss me!" You reached over the bar and grabbed some vodka making yourself a quick mixed drink. 

"More than you know," Bones muttered so only Jim heard and gave him a look. 

"Right, drink up Cap!" You cheers' with Jim and then both downed what was in your glasses. 

"No cheers for the doctor I see," Bones rolled his eyes and you shook your head 

"Absolutely not letting you run free! I'm just pouring another drink my dear doctor." You poured a vodka shot and looked at Bones who was regretting speaking up. 

"Cheers to that I s'pose!" You and Bones clinked glasses before knocking your heads back. Kirk just looked at you in awe, his eyes looking up in adoration. Bones noticed it first and smiled to himself. 

"What's with the puppy eyes, Kirk?" You teased and Jim very slightly blushed. He thought he hid it well but you couldn't help but think about how pretty he looked. 

The following week, Kirk was mentally planning when to have that meeting with you, he had two weeks left till they docked. That wasn't that much pressure but he'd been holding in these feelings for nearly 6 years and didn't really know what to do if you didn't see him the same way. Kirk had absolutely no idea how you thought of him, he knew you were friends and maybe a bit flirty from time to time but nothing that couldn't be explained by being close friends. I mean Jim flirted with everyone, he was an Aries through and through so it didn't surprise him that regardless of gender he was going to be a bit playful. But with you, he had actual physical reactions and it was like being a teenager with a pathetic crush. You gave him butterflies, you made him nervous blush and hide his face and pretend he hadn't noticed your hand on his arm. 

Kirk couldn't help but believe you knew what you were doing but it seemed so unlikely because you were so confident, you were afraid to tell someone how you felt. Why would you keep your feelings towards him hidden if they were there? 

"Y/n, you've been asked to the Captain's quarters," Nyota told you with a friendly smile. 

"Oh lordy, what kind of going away malarkey has been prepared, I wonder." You grinned at your friend and she raised her eyebrow.

"Oi you, get that mind out of the gutter," you rolled your eyes. "I'm sure it's sweet , he's always been very thoughtful when someone leaves the ship." 

"Oh I'm sure it's very personal…" she winked and you covered your mouth so you didn't laugh. 

"What merriment have you two clowns got into then?" Bones asked as he walked past with some new equipment he'd been testing. 

"You have to be nice to me, Bones. Leaving orders say so," you narrowed your eyes at him, he stopped 

"Oh is that so, Sunshine?" He raised an eyebrow "And on whose authority is that?" 

"The Captains of course, I've been summoned to his quarters for what I can only hope is an attempt to celebrate my leaving without sounding too excited," you laughed and Bones said nothing. 

"Cat got your tongue?" Nyota asked Bones, folding her arms with a smile. 

"Oh not at all, I'm just holding it so I don't gossip like some old woman." Bones raised an eyebrow and you looked at him, puzzled. 

"Well what does that mean then?" You paused and he said nothing "Bones? What are you talking about?" 

"I mean if I can get in on some gossip where Bones is involved then I'm all ears." Nyota let one side of her mouth turn up. 

"You two are out for trouble, look it's not my secret to tell so you'll just have to find out eventually yourselves." Bones gave Nyota a knowing look and you looked between the two of them till Bones looked away. 

"Well what the hell was that?" You exclaimed looking at Nyota. 

"Well now I know you have to go and see Kirk right this second," Nyota leant against the corridor wall and had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. 

"You," you pointed at Nyota, "you are a troublemaker." You laughed and headed off in the direction of Kirk's quarters. 

You had no idea what Bones was on about but deep down you hoped. You'd been pining after Jim for so long it felt like an age, you had known each other for so long that you really didn't think there was any way Jim could've gone this long without revealing his feelings. You got drunk together so often and had never even kissed, he'd never revealed any secrets about his feelings whilst inebriated. Being realistic if Kirk hadn't revealed his feelings whilst being drunk it was unlikely he had those thoughts in his head, he was so easy to get secrets out of when drunk. But you couldn't help thinking about the weird interaction between the three of you a minute ago, what did they know that you didn't? 

You knocked three times of Jims door and held the sides of your skirt with your thumbs pressing against your fingers through the fabric. It was so damn frustrating how nervous you were when you could just be walking into a normal and civil meeting. Getting your hopes up was a dangerous activity especially when it came to heartbreakers like Jim Kirk. 

"Y/n!" Jim exclaimed, opening the door with a big smile, he stood back and let you step in. 

 "To what do I owe the pleasure." You looked around the room you'd been in often and considered that you might never see it again. 

"Come sit," he gestured to the sofa with a bottle of wine on the table and two glasses. "Your departure has made me think about a lot of things." As you sat down Jim began pouring. 

"What kind of things Kirk?" You narrowed your eyes. 

"It's hard to determine, I mean definitely thinking of the past" Kirk carried on for a while, talking in what you would call filler but you weren't listening. He looked so fucking pretty, his eyebrows moving every now and then, his hair a bit ruffled after he had got changed. Jim was so so pretty and you didn't know how to focus on anything else, watching his lips move you just wanted to shut him up and kiss him. 

"Y/n?" You snapped out of it "Do you know what I mean?" Kirk asked and you had to think for a moment about what would be a neutral reply so a question you hadn't heard any of. 

"....yes?" You said in a curious tone and Jim laughed. 

"You weren't listening were you," he smiled and you giggled. 

"Not my fault you look so pretty," you mumbled into your glass as you took a drink, you thought it was quiet enough but Jim had heard and he almost choked on the wine in his own mouth. 

"Was that a compliment I just heard?" Jim tried to play it cool but his voice cracked on the last word and you burst out laughing. 

"Okay well now you deserve no explanation if you can't even get through puberty properly." You smiled at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Well I'm not the one who thinks I'm pretty, am I. Hmm?" Jim teased. 

"Well, I'M not the one who can't speak without sounding like a pre-teen." You shot back, jokingly narrowing your eyes at him. 

"You're a little shit, you know that?" Jim asked, placing his glass down. 

"Well you won't have to put up with it for too much longer will you," you joked and a silence fell between the both of you, joking like this had made Kirk forget about that fact "Are you okay, Kirk?" 

You looked deep into his eyes and it took all his willpower not to take your face in his hands and kiss you. Instead he stood up and walked around the room, hands on his hips he sighed. 

"Well now I know you're not alright," you paused and stood up, there was a distance between you both and you were slowly closing it down "What's wrong?" You asked at almost a whisper.

Kirk turned around and you were only a few steps away from him, his eyes were unreadable but looked deep into yours. He closed off the gap between the two of you and took you into a deep hug, you were caught off guard but didn't stop him. Instead you wrapped your arms around him just as tightly and leant your head on his shoulder. Closing your eyes the moment felt like forever and you didn't want to let go because it would mean you leaving him was something real. Kirk's hand went up to the back of your neck and slowly stroked your hair. The affectionate action could have made you cry if you weren't so determined to not reveal to him how you felt. 

"There's something I need to tell you, Y/n." Kirk said near your ear and you drew apart, still holding onto his arms

"What is it?" You looked into his eyes and tried to read them, glancing down at his lips you bit the inside of his cheek. 

"I've loved you ever since I've known you, Y/n. I can't help it and- and I've tried to show it but fuck, you won't let me. I can't think straight when you're around me and I've been pining after you for so long it doesn't even feel real that you're leaving now," Kirk's eyes held so much emotion you feared you might fall into them. How…how was this real? 

The silence had been considerable now and you didn't know what to do, your mouth slightly open and staring into his eyes. You couldn't find the words so you just hugged him again, closer than before. Jim held the back of your head, scared you'd slip away forever. You mumbled something against his shoulder and he perked up. 

"What was that?" He whispered and you turned your head to lay your cheek on his shoulder. 

"I can't believe this has happened, I- fuck. I wasn't expecting it," You whispered and it made Kirk so anxious that he just held you until you'd eventually slip away. 

"You can leave whenever you want," Kirk told you and you really did feel like you could but you didn't want to. Kirk may have been holding you but only because you allowed it to be so. 

"What if I don't want to?" You asked, slightly pulling away from his shoulder and looking into his eyes with a smile. 

"What?" Jim whispered, not believing what you were saying.

"What if I don't think what you're saying is crazy," you let your hands run down his arms till you were holding his hands "I don't know what you know about how I feel o-or how I…" you trailed off trying to find your words "But my feelings aren't so far from yours."

"You're making me fucking hope for something now," Kirk grinned. 

"Oh shut up, talk like the normal Jim, please. I'm not used to you being all soppy." You teased, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. 

"You mean say something like how fucking highschool this all is?" Jim gripped your hands before looking down at your lips and back to your eyes. 

"I mean I'm not surprised you come neatly packaged up with some drama." You raised an eyebrow and he just rolled his eyes. 

"Oh do shut up," he let go of your hands and put them on either side of your face before leaning forward and kissing you. 

You rested your hands on his forearms, leaning into the kiss as a warmth spread into your stomach. It was almost unbelievable that this morning neither of you knew how the other really felt and honestly you found it extremely endearing how honest Jim was. 

"All the planets, places and people to see but all I wanted was you," Jim whispered when you drew apart and leant your foreheads together. You smiled and looked at him, he looked so lovely, all happy and pink cheeked. 

"You're so pretty," you paused and he laughed "No I mean it, just so pretty." You trailed off and looked into his eyes, you could only imagine what they would look like in between your thighs…

"Someone's getting distracted by a thought, you've got that glazed over look." Jim narrowed his eyes. 

"Ohhhh, nothing…" you turned around and pulled his hand with you "Just how much prettier you'd look going down on me. You know, nothing that exciting." You sat down on the sofa and held your wine in your hand as you crossed your legs. Bringing the glass to your mouth you raised an eyebrow and Kirk ran his tongue along his top set of teeth, thinking. 

"I mean I can't say what it would look like from your point of view, but seeing you like that would be angelic," he walked towards you and knelt down Infront of you.

"Guess you'll just have to prove it won't you," You were teasing him now but Jim didn't seem to mind. 

Jim was running his hands up your thighs until he met the hem of your dress, moving his hands inwards till they met the crossover of your legs. 

"We could test your theory, you know, for research." He gave you a shit eating grin and you uncrossed your legs, leaning down to be face to face with him. 

"Come on then pretty boy, prove your worth to me." You whispered and he looked so damn excited he could burst, you always suspected Kirk had a submissive streak. 

[t0ast-ghost]

S2 episode 18 (The Immunity Syndrome) okay, so I’m posting again in one day, but I loved this episode.

Onwards:

- I feel like every other episode now is “it’s time for the crew to rest.” And McCoy looks so pleased with himself

- Oh poor Spock

- OMG KYLE!!

- Spock is not playing around

- So this thing is eating up all the stars and shit and they wanna stay close to it??

- No one can give Kirk a goddamn answer but it’s not their fault

- Bones has the best idea. Just leave. Kirk then roasts Bones’ idea over the comms

- ITS BEEN TEN MINUTES AND YOUR ALREADY DYING. Leave.

- “Centre of the Zone of Darkness” would be an awesome band name, Spock

- McCoy’s hair is peak rn

- “It would only prolong our wait for death.” woah Spock. dark.

- FALLING

- What the fuck. I thought that was a fish at first

- McCoy’s turn to be self sacrificial

- “You have a martyr complex, Doctor. I submit that it disqualifies you.” So do you, you’re a hypocrite, Spock

- They’re all self sacrificial. And in love with each other

- McCoy does a little bounce when he thinks he’s been picked to go

- They’re fucking arguing right now. Spock is asking for McCoy to wish him luck. Just kiss each other goodbye already.

- Hey Spones deniers. Explain this.

- “Oh, and Dr. McCoy… you would not have survived it.” “You want to bet?” It’s so soft and teasing how they say this to one another.

- McCoy looks so damn worried

- “He’s alive.” Bones smiles, an honest, bright fucking smile

- Bones and Kirk listening to their boyfriend dying :(((

- “Tell Doctor McCoy. He should have wished me luck.” Kirk looks over to him like ‘you didn’t fucking wish him luck?!?’ And McCoy’s just like ‘right now, Spock? You’re gonna be bitter about that?’

- “What’s on your mind?” “Spock.” Me too doctor. Me too

- “An-ti-bod-ies”

- FALLING! A blue shirt flew over the railing that time

- Is Kyle in a yellow shirt? Wait where’s Sulu

- God I wanna touch McCoy’s hair. It’s marvellous. Who said that.

- Awww Spock’s so sentimental about the enterprise and its crew :)))

- Kirk also cares so much. He wants them remembered. Kirk can’t say Kyle normally tho, he’s saying ‘cowl’

- “Shut up, Spock! We’re rescuing you!” McCoy is NOT taking this shit. Also Kirk and McCoy’s nods

- “Why thank you, Captain McCoy.” Jim is enjoying their banter right now so much, he’s got a little smirk

- MORE FALLING!

- McCoy is pissed at Spock but loves him so much and both him and Jim are just happy he’s alive

Wow okay. Wow. Thanks Robert for your great Spock and Bones interactions. I don’t think I’m gonna be okay after that one…

Masterpost

Episode written by Robert Sabaroff

[onebraincell-itmiebcraft]

Okay time for the liveblogging of real life in order (liveblogging life SMP call that lifeblogging) I have never done this b4 be easy on me

Grian

I've already watched his perspective at like 5 in the morning but heyyyyy nothing wrong with rewatching with added non sleep deprived commentary but also not really memories of what I originally thought watching this too :^))

I remember being so stunned they called it real life and the anatomically correct heart 🫀tickled my funny bone heeheehoo hahaha

Thought when grian said replay 3rd life I thought they'd reenact it 😭

We live in a society taxes man (I could ramble about it)

GRIAN IRL FACE!!!

has anyone fell over btw?

No lie that B can BIG

Reminds me of slimecicle jshitt and traves VR Minecraft where Travis got progressively shorter what a laugh

Does Scott ever see his scream

Is it take the Mick or take the nick love that idiom

RENDOG!

Scar looks like a child doing that thing

Awww hug

ABUSE

scar take the headset off dzuh 🫀🫀🫀

Grian literally me balance issues

Yugioh????

I called it, scar would say he's American 😎

I'm eating dinner while watching this at the same time what fun w

Giran called solidaritygaming jimmy no way + he died first fr this time + loud "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Perfectly timed his mic peaking is iconic

Ha haa!

He ear him bread

Really putting the mine in craft for Minecraft

reminds me of secret life EP 4 and scar is sweaty

*scar noises*

How did scar drop his phone???

Check your wrist? More like check your a- (tom cardy référence)

I love the way VR makes you hit stuff goofy

Can you run in game if you irl

(watch him die)

Haha he died

Why Jim is he sabotaging him

Jim Jim Jim gym gym

Doesn't Jim die here oh LMFAO he does

Jimmy you are famous to me

(scout voice) Chicken

How did scar die???

I love how vr makes them expressive Jim pointing to village house is so funny

There's only one bed

Wtf is happening in top right corner in 9min 30 sec

Ayyyyy there's grian the maniac love the casual position of the arms

Last life you can join me moment

Egg

Grian gaslighting

Jimmy you wanna dance quote of the year

PvP is so silly

Skizz is fighting a losing battle Jim killed him icon

I love how grian and Jim's yells overlap there's probably something music theory there idk

Awww scar he's so funny

Go pick him up from daycare haha

Facing away from the camera we live in a society

OHHHHH impulse big smart man Jimmy's arm movements are so smooth it's solly

Jimmy immediately leaving for fish cocomelon brain I agree

Love the arm movements

Lol they actually like down

It's okay grian scuffed is worth celebrating

Has anyone layed on their side

Friend just texted me about my monologue what am I doing man I have an audition tomorrow

Anyway Minecraft vr

The lying down model inventory so goofy

Rewatching the bread scene no wonder tumblr loves it looks like Jim jam actually has a mouth 👄

Impulsesv guess the build sheep flashbacks

Best sleepover

Polyamorous tony (died)

Sleepover reminds me of crazy Christmas w/gem and pearl

Grown men learn how to close doors

Minecraft fatshaming grian smh my head

Man thought it was more than Joel there + o2 max(xing) scar love it (i use maxxing ironically) (it's such a stupid suffix to me linguistically funny) (I hate incels) (don't cancel me tumblr) (I love all genders)

Two steps: die, and die

Jimmy isn't on fire??

Casual "it burns so much!" Love it

Wait right Jim still has a wooden sword

Joel Joel Joel Joel you know that one part in waiting for Godot where they just go back and forth in saying aideu yeah

So silly

Jim saying get in British people man

"noffing" - joel is it a British thing

Love Joel screaming he's so malding

Just remembered how scary heights are in VR because I thought for a second "why don't they jump down? are they stupid?" (Meme Reference) (Didn't actually think that) ("Stupid" is kinda stupid but I digress)

Hole

Boob stroke

Does scar enjoy the swimming

Why *does* swimming cause motion sickness anyway

Why bucket scar (this is a bucket)

Brain eating amoeba

GOON SQUAD!!!

Love Grian's arm movements I really did thonk Jim was gonna win for the funnies

He says come here weirdly

The joy of killing

Is Jim punching

It's okay hiking simulation

Go Jim go what a gamer boy

I remember the triple dog door dugout is like... Gem's? Joel's? Uhhhh I fotgor

Concussion era

Fresh meat

I just love their dynamics

JIM STOP SOUNDING LIKE THAT it's like his eyes are 🥺 and his mouth is boowomp spongebob like he's got tears in eyes scrimblo sounding ass

Ohhh there's my favourite theatre kids

'orrible

Joel saying boys make me happy

Wait that can misinterpreted

Joel saying "boys" sounds pleasant to my ears

I remember watching this part and going GRIAN FIRST OUT HUH???

awww the funnies

Love the way gem says "we're the last Grians. Grians? Greens!" It's like... Spunky

Grian falling reminds me of my scuffed keyboard when it registers a button press as a hold and then I like never stop walking right *sigh*

The downward spiral by nine inch nials

Ascending is TRUE watcher lore

Oh the music is so cute

Bye scar! Bye Joel!

Okay never let me liveblog cook again i kinda listened to the vid instead of watching reading this does not make sense to anyone but me reference hell half formulated thoughts RIP BOZO HAHA

Maybe I'll like do it in 5 mins chunks for JJJJJJoel and the next ones onward I spent like an hour on this wayyyyy too long for incomplete sentences

End

[your-name-is-jim]

What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 2/2]

Part 1 <- Please read Part 1 first. Part 2 won't make sense otherwise!

This panel is absolutely AMAZING and you all deserved to see it :D

So, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Laura just proposed.

As you can see, Jim is panicking not sure what to answer, so the first thing he does is calling his two best friends. There are so many things going on here; I'll try to mention everything I care about!

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

This is an important part of this comic: apparently, in this story Starfleet isn't encouraging relationships between officers with a different rank. I know it's sort of implied in canon too, but it's not always clear if it's actually against regulations or if it's fine when the ranks are close.

As a K/S shipper, this detail just gives me an in-universe reason why Jim and Spock aren't considering dating each other in this story: a commander can't probably have a relationship with a captain. I mean, we already know from canon TOS that Jim avoids relationships with the members of his crew, so this just adds a layer to a potential forbidden love story between them. Yeah, I know this isn't what this comic is trying to do, but what can I say? Fans don't stop shipping something just because they learn it's not allowed in-universe… if anything, they can find it more exciting! :D

"We could teach at the Academy. Mind you, she laughed at that idea."

Oh, wait. Jim actually talked to Laura about their possible future together! It looks like he's thinking about them as teachers at Starfleet Academy. Hmm… this sounds familiar:

2277 — Accepts appointment to Academy faculty, moves into San Francisco apartment

This is from Kirk's biography in Star Trek official website. Between The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan, Jim accepts a job at the Academy. We see it at the start of the second movie, after Saavik takes the Kobayashi Maru test.

Wait, who's the other teacher here? :D

Okay, okay, in that era Jim is an admiral and Spock is a captain, so their ranks are still different, but except for that… They both teach at the Academy. And it's literally what Jim proposed to his love interest Laura in the comic! With my Kirk/Spock goggles on, what I read in that panel is "If Laura and I got married, we could both do this thing that I'm totally going to do with Spock in the future." LOL

Did the comic creators notice the parallel? Probably not. However, we K/S shippers have special skills for finding accidental implications about our ship everywhere, so here it is :)

"Your thoughts, please, Mr. Spock."

I said I had a lot to say about that single panel, so of course I can't skip the last line! A human woman has just proposed to Jim, and what does Jim do? He asks for Spock's opinion. This says a lot about Jim and Spock's friendship, and it's very sweet on Jim's part, but it also makes me think about Jim's love life. What about Jim and Laura's romantic feelings for each other? Does Jim want to spend the rest of his life with her? Perhaps the reason they don't talk about it (not even with Bones!) is that it's implied that Jim loves her and she loves him, even if they never say it. However, I still think it's interesting that Jim's discussion on the matter is mostly "logical".

Anyway, I swear I won't post every single panel of this comic, but Spock's reply is an absolute gem you all must see:

"I AM SOMETHING OF AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT OF JAMES T. KIRK."

(dkjflsdjlkdjglk brb losing my mind again)

Ahem. Okay, Spock. Noted. Also, wow, nice make up. Did I say that the art in this comic is great? Good.

"I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I find interesting his use of "equal status" instead of the more specific "equal rank". Status makes me think less of their official position in Starfleet, and more of how two people actually see each other. It's not just about Laura and Jim being both captains; it's about them seeing each other as equals.

Anyway, Jim jokes about Bones and Spock finally agreeing about something, and the conversation continues.

Jim's best friends are both encouraging him to marry Laura. In this panel, I zoomed in on Bones because his words are especially interesting. Based on everything we've seen so far, it looks like having a romantic partner when you're in Starfleet is a pain in the ass in general in this comic; however, Bones is pointing out that for the first time, Jim has someone who really understands. Of course, that's because she's a Starfleet captain too.

About Spock, I won't share the entire conversation, but I just want to say that as a K/S shipper who likes to think Spock is secretly in love with Jim in this era, I find his dialogue where he's supporting Jim's relationship with Laura totally reasonable. It's important to remember that this comic takes place close to the end of the five-year mission. We know that Spock is going to run away after that, trying to erase all his emotions in Gol. So, in this specific part of his story, I find pretty in character that he'd tell Jim to find happiness with someone else. That's what he'd do, regardless of his own feelings.

So, Jim knows his two best friends think he should say "yes" to Laura. What happens next?

During a mission, Jim meets his ex Carol Marcus. She is surprised to find out that Jim is considering settling down. This is not completely related to this analysis, so I won't post it, but I found interesting that Carol knows about every single woman Jim dated before he became captain (the only one she doesn't name is Ruth), and she even says "And that woman in 1930, what was her name?" Just… how the hell does she know? LMAO

At least Jim hasn't told her about Miramanee and Rayna (well, technically he doesn't even remember the latter), but seriously, Carol does know a lot about Jim's private life, even if it's clear she doesn't want her or their son to be part of it. (Not really related to this plot, but in case you're confused about the timeline: David is a child in this era; however, he doesn't appear in this story.)

Anyway, this is what she eventually tells him:

So, I like to think that Carol is genuinely trying to help Jim here, because the spiteful ex girlfriend is another thing I don't really want to see in 2020. I want to think that the creators meant well; however, what happens in the story is that, despite Jim not seeing himself outside the captain's chair, and despite his best friends telling him to marry the captain that is just like him… Jim keeps thinking about Carol's words.

He knows from Starfleet that he's going to be promoted to admiral the moment he reaches Earth. What is interesting here is that Jim could refuse the promotion and be a captain with Laura. This is definitely a different situation from everything else I've seen before. It's obvious to anyone who has watched TOS movies that Jim is not happy as an admiral. He didn't really want to be one. He doesn't want to be one in this comic series either (you can see it explored in Star Trek: Year Five main story). However, thanks to The Motion Picture, we also know that he will accept promotion at the end of his five-year mission. This isn't a canon divergence story: the writers can't really change any major event, so they have to work with what canon offers.

What I find interesting is that in this 2020 comic, Jim finds himself in the opposite situation he is in Gene Roddenberry's The Motion Picture novelization from 1979. In Roddenberry's novel, it's mentioned briefly that Jim starts a relationship on Earth with a vice-admiral, a woman that was basically asked to use her charm to keep Jim grounded. Jim could refuse promotion, but he finds himself lost, without his ship, without Spock, and eventually without Bones. So he tries to convince himself that a life as an admiral with a perfect woman by his side will be good for him (it will not; Jim himself will realize a year later that his lover was an "Enterprise-surrogate").

Now, I understand trying to write something fresher and more modern in this Valentine's Day special, but I confess that I find a little hard to believe that Jim would accept a promotion as admiral if the alternative was keeping both a starship AND a wife. Also, let's not forget that Spock and Bones are both telling him to choose the married captain life. So, while I totally get from a writer's point of view that if you can't change canon, you have to work with what you have, I'm also not sure that Carol reminding Jim that he's always wanted to challenge himself is enough to make him doubt everything.

I guess I can sort of see that as part of a bigger problem: Jim knows he can't be a captain for life; during his first date with Laura, as we saw in Part 1 of my analysis, he talks about it.

"I've been thinking lately about whether I could ever stop being a Starfleet captain. Whether I could ever want to. A friend of mine talks about 'infinite diversity'. That applies to the Federation, too. But here I am, only built for one thing."

So, Jim knows he has probably avoided the subject for too long. Carol is forcing him to think about it. And, more implicitly, we could say Spock and his IDIC philosophy are also making him think, even if it's not what Spock would have expected. After all, Spock told Jim to marry Laura (in the comic), and he'll tell him that being a starship captain is his "first, best destiny" (in The Wrath of Khan).

Anyway, Jim eventually decides to meet Laura and talk to her about his personal concerns. First of all, we find out that the two of them haven't called each other for six weeks. Laura is still waiting for Jim's answer, and she didn't want to call him. If you ask me, their lack of communication is yet another a big clue that perhaps getting married is not a great idea.

Well, now Jim is at least trying to talk to her.

Aaand that's how she breaks up with him.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I mean, in a sense, Jim doesn't say "I decided to be an admiral instead of marrying you", but Laura definitely sees it that way. I think he was genuinely looking for help, but that just proves that Laura isn't the right person for him. Why marrying someone you can't communicate with? They are such a great team as captains, but it looks like that doesn't apply to their relationship. I pointed out other clues in the previous parts, and now we got this. It's interesting to see that Jim in this comic can have a normal conversation about his future with Spock, Bones, and even Carol Marcus, but not with the person he's supposed to build a future with. Unless something changes between them, it can't work out.

Anyway, this isn't the end.

A year later, when Jim is an admiral on Earth, there's a sudden emergency. A miniature black hole appears out of the deep structure of the universe (don't blame me for the science, I'm literally quoting the comic LOL) and it's attracted to Earth gravity. Short story: they're all going to die, but fortunately the Drake (Laura's ship) can cause an anti-matter implosion that will shunt the black hole outside their reality. Unfortunately, that also means the Drake will have to go inside the black hole. Laura evacuates her crew and asks Admiral Kirk to give her the order to proceed. Reluctantly, Jim tells her that he knows she'll do it, and he gives the order.

Now, please appreciate The Motion Picture aesthetic:

Okay, I know I could have chosen a panel with Jim and Laura, since this is literally their love story, but I did say this analysis was going to be biased, so here is Laura with her two closest friends instead; they would never let her risk her life alone! <3 They are very obviously meant to be a parallel to what Spock and Bones are to Jim, which is very cute to see. Now, Laura, listen to me: I know the three of you have different ranks, but you may die in a few seconds… And I just think that the few times your friends appear in this comic, you have a lot of chemistry with them, sooo maybe you should forget about Jim and just smooch one of them, or both… just saying :)

Ahem. Anyway, after Laura and her girlfriends disappear into the void, there's another timeskip. This time it's 15 years.

Oh, damn.

I said in the premise of this analysis that one of the reasons I decided to read this comic despite shipping Kirk/Spock is that, in my headcanon, Kirk and Spock get together after The Motion Picture. Until this point, this comic hasn't really gone against my headcanon. I can genuinely believe that Jim had another girlfriend during his five-year mission; it's not a big deal. Unfortunately for me, this comic has its last part taking place around The Final Frontier era. Dammit.

Well, it's just one comic. I read until this point; it'd be illogical not to read until the end, right? Nah, it's not logic. It's human curiosity. I know I won't like it, but I still want to see it.

Also, if there's something that I really don't want to see in modern media anymore, is female characters dying just to make male characters suffer. I can accept that in TOS show because it was made in the 1960s, but even TOS movies got better about it! Characters like Saavik and Gillian can have their own lives without having to die for a man's pain. It's not a coincidence that the writers had to kill Spock to make Jim suffer. Without digressing too much, I just wanted to say that K/S bias aside, I went into this comic hoping to read something different from another dead woman for Jim. I'm very glad that, at least about this, the comic creators didn't disappoint me!

So, in this story, it's been 15 years since Laura's disappearance (actually, it should be more, but I'll try not to nitpick, despite being the trekkies' favorite hobby :D). Anyway, the one with the whales The Voyage Home happened, and Jim is not an admiral anymore. He's happy to have a starship again, but he hasn't stopped questioning his life decisions.

We can also see that, 15 years later, he's reading the book Laura liked.

HOLD IT! WAIT WAIT WAIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHAT THE--

*inhales deeply*

(Friendly reminder to myself that what is obvious to me may not be obvious to everyone else, so I need to explain. Fine. I'll try.)

The screenshots I posted are from The Wrath of Khan, right after Spock's funeral. What Jim is doing there is reading the end of the book that Spock gave him for his birthday. He's mourning Spock.

In the comic panel, Jim has a new pair of glasses, because it takes place a little later in the timeline. But, except for that…

It's the same scene.

The same fucking scene.

I mean, come on! I can't even post the "they're the same picture" meme, because it's not funny if they're literally the same picture! Even the bookmark is the same!

The comic creators literally took a canon scene about Jim reading Spock's book after Spock is gone, and they redrew it with Jim reading Laura's book after Laura is gone. In a Valentine's Day special. Where Laura is Jim's love interest. They made a romantic scene with Jim and a woman that was originally about Jim and Spock.

(Brb, I'm going to chew a pillow until I calm down.)

So. Well. If you wondered why I thought there was something about Kirk/Spock in this comic… you have your answer. Perhaps the artist didn't think anything about it. I certainly do.

And I guess someone could say, "But Jim is still reading Laura's book 15 years later! That's true love!" Why yes, he's not reading Spock's book 15 years later, because he didn't stay without Spock for 15 years; he risked everything and lost all the most important things in his life to save Spock's soul.

Anyway, back to the comic. Starfleet receives a signal from the edge of Federation space. It's the Drake. Laura and her friends are alive.

Jim and Laura have a reunion after a long separation. Since they're both captains now, Jim thinks they are given a second chance.

Oh, whoops.

It's her turn now. It looks like being away for 15 years has changed her (as you can expect, honestly), and she's now glad to become an admiral. In this comic, that means Jim can't marry her. So, this is how the story ends:

So. Um.

This isn't a bad ending, but I also wouldn't exactly call it a happy ending. It's certainly not a happily ever after story. I'd call it open, maybe hopeful? Honestly, pretty much what I'd expect from a love story between an original character and Jim, so I can't say the writing is disappointing about that.

On the other hand, I can't personally imagine middle-aged Jim being so eager to start a romance again with someone he hasn't seen in 15 years who broke up with him 16 years ago. Perhaps he felt guilty about Laura's disappearance because if he had married her, they would have been part of a colonization fleet somewhere else and the incident wouldn't have happened the same way? Maybe. Personally, I would have found more believable an ending where Jim asks her to have dinner together or go for a walk, and then something romantic happening as they get to know each other again. But I can see why the creators wanted to bring up the marriage proposal again, just to close the circle. The comic is just 32 pages, so they did what they could.

"Unless there's someone else." "Not so much. I've been really busy."

Busy with what? Oh, right: Spock's death, Spock's body on Genesis, Spock's rebirth on Vulcan, the time travel (okay, that one wasn't 100% Spock-related), Spock's brother… Honestly, just say there's been a lot of Spock in your life, Jim, because that's the truth :)

On a more serious note, I guess that dialogue could mean that Jim has someone, but "he's been too busy" to do anything serious with them. However, as a K/S monoshipper I don't really like the idea of Jim being in an open relationship with Spock, so Jim's character in the entire scene in the end is just a big NOPE for me. Sorry.

That said, I found very interesting that in a few panels they show very clearly the "captain" rank on Jim and Laura's shoulders, to point out that it's the same. They can't be together forever, but they can have fun for a few days as captains. Because of that, I went back to the start of the last timeskip, just to check out something:

Fascinating.

This is a pretty detailed panel, where you can see the ranks on the shoulders of Jim's friends; the colors of their pins are also pretty good, close to the ones in the movies… except for Spock's.

Oh, please. Did you really expect me not to pay attention to this? :)

Captain Kirk and Captain Spock.

And unlike Laura, this is what they are until the end! The end of a very long life! Generations? What's Generations? Spock will eventually become an ambassador, but that's just a different job. How did Spock himself put it earlier in this comic?

"I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk. And I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Did the comic creators just play themselves? I don't know, I'm quoting their own story here! LOL

And what about Jim's words from the same scene? :D

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

Partners. Of equal rank. Working together.

That's literally what Kirk and Spock are since the end of The Voyage Home! Without an expiration date!

The comic creators made a big deal in their universe about relationships being better between two captains, and how good Jim and Laura may have been for each other if they had married as captains; and now they can't have their happily ever after because Laura is going to be an admiral… But even if the comic tries to hide it, we know there is a captain in Jim's life. And to make things better, Jim lost his admiral rank to bring him back. Listen, I'm a huge Old Married Kirk/Spock fan, so there's no way anything can make me forget that in the last TOS movies they're both captains. And there's no way I can forget that Jim risked his entire career (and everything else!) for Spock, and that's literally why he's not an admiral anymore.

This is almost ironic in this Valentine's Day comic. If it hadn't been for Spock, Jim would have still been an admiral, and he could have married Laura. Whoops. Too bad.

Speaking of admirals, I didn't notice it at first, but there's also something about this line Laura says in the last panel I posted…

"And don't you dare 'Admiral' me."

Ah, yes, a typical thing you tell someone you're planning to have sex with. Right, Laura? Agreed :)

Honestly, at this point I should just stop checking this comic, because I wonder if I'd just end up finding a Kirk/Spock version of every Kirk/Laura Rhone line LOL

By the way, I have other thoughts to share now that the story is over, but there's one more thing first. Do you remember the last panels of the comic? Middle-aged Jim and Laura kiss; END.

Okay. After that, the comic has a picture of the cover, with Jim and Laura kissing when they're younger.

And then it has this:

dklsfjlskjflskjlksjlkdlkgjdlfgsnfjekniuwanf LISTEN, HOW--

Just how am I even supposed to say anything that makes sense about this…??? I'm just… I can't…

Okay. So. We're talking about a Valentine's Day comic. It makes sense for it to include a cute Valentine card. I also get that Spock's iconic line has become so mainstream that it can be quoted out of context. And you can make parodies.

But… But… A Star Trek TOS fan can't really forget the original context of "I have been and always shall be your friend"? Someone could just not think about it, I guess… But, well, I know that at least I can't forget that this is literally Spock's line to Jim rewritten in a romantic Valentine's Day version. I can't possibly NOT think about it!

And I know it's very possible that the people who worked on the comic story weren't even aware of this extra, but the fact that I'm seeing this after reading about Jim Kirk's romance without happily ever after… Jim kisses a woman he can't stay with forever, and then there's Spock's "I have been and always shall be your Valentine". It's just so fucking funny. I can't. If I was feeling a little down after seeing middle-aged Jim wanting to marry Laura, now I'm laughing again. Thanks, Spock's silly Valentine card. I needed it! :D

Anyway, what did I say about this comic taking things originally created for Kirk and Spock's relationship and making them romantic when they're not about them? I can believe that sometimes it's a coincidence, but this card? Please… In a sense, this is the perfect ending.

---

Conclusions.

I started this comic with a question: in 2020, how do you write a story about TOS Kirk falling in love? I wanted to see this attempt. Overall, I think the creators did what they could. Laura is different from every other woman in Jim's life; they didn't kill her off, and they also didn't force a happy ending. I think they did a good job with the canon limitations they had, especially in 32 pages.

Do I believe that Laura could have been a good match for Jim in different circumstances?

As a temporary girlfriend? Yes.

As a lifelong partner? No.

Of course, I'm aware my answer is biased, but I can try to be a little more "logical" about it.

First of all, I think that the comic itself supports my interpretation: of course, like in every story, different people are going to see different things; however, as I already pointed out, Jim and Laura never say that they love each other, and before the marriage proposal their relationship is pretty casual.

In The Original Series, Jim isn't lucky when it comes to romance because the women he falls in love with can't really understand his nature as a space explorer. Sometimes they can, like in Carol's case, and that's why they break up with him. Laura is the opposite, because she's just like Jim. But here is the thing: I think Laura is too much like him.

What would have happened if Jim had accepted to marry her at the end of the five-year mission? They would have been both captains. On different ships, though. Sure, they could have been part of the same colonization fleet, as Jim says in the comic, and maybe it would have worked for a while. However, would they really have seen each other as much as Jim needs?

I don't know about Laura, but we see multiple times in canon that behind his mask as a starship captain, Jim is definitely more lonely than what someone may think.

First of all, don't get me wrong: in these screenshots from The Naked Time, Jim is single, so of course his attraction to Janice Rand is related to that. It's not the same situation he'd be in if he were married to Laura. Early in the series, he has thoughts about his yeoman exactly because he doesn't have anyone else. Contrary to his fame as a womanizer, TOS Jim in canon always has one woman at a time in his mind, never more.

So, why am I sharing those lines? To show that when Jim is always inside the Enterprise, he does feel lonely. He needs a romantic partner's physical touch. However, we also know that Jim does not want a relationship with one of his subordinates, so Janice Rand and the rest of his crew are off limits.

Laura is good for him because she's part of Starfleet, and not a subordinate. But is that really enough? From what I've seen in the comic, no. At the end of the day, it looks to me that Jim and Laura don't really know how to plan a future together. Perhaps it's because they're so similar, but they don't really think of themselves as a couple, especially Laura. There's Captain James T. Kirk and Captain Laura Rhone; they both love their ships, so they should get married? That's not how it works.

Their relationship is casual. Jim doesn't want to define it. Are they friends with benefits? Are they in an open relationship? Either way, when Laura decides to marry him, she asks around if Jim has someone else, and only after that she asks him. Jim, on the other hand, doesn't talk to her for six weeks after her proposal. He talks to Spock and Bones immediately, but not to her. He even talks to Carol first.

Then, when Jim finally tries to talk to her about his problems, she doesn't listen. Their lack of communication is the cause of their break up.

16 years later, what we see is even worse. It's obvious that Laura has just different priorities. Maybe it's because of what happened to her lost in space, but I'm not sure. If they had married at the end of the five-year mission, would have Laura always refused a promotion to admiral? Would she have tried to get a promotion with Jim? Based on what we see in this comic, it doesn't look likely to me.

Now, as I said, different people are going to see different things, so I'm sure that someone really invested in this romance can imagine that Jim and Laura are really meant to be, and they can get their happy ending after their retirement, or in other ways. However, I admit that Jim and Laura's huge communication issues make hard to me to picture a long happy relationship between them. They should both try to get better, but in those 32 pages there was no hint towards that direction.

There's another thing that makes really hard to find any love interest for Jim as a plausible "happily ever after" option: the stakes. I know that it's just a single comic, so the creators had to focus on a few things; however, I couldn't help but notice that Jim and Laura never really save each other from dangerous situations. They work together as a team, and Jim watches Laura disappearing into the void, but does he do anything about it? Does he try to reach her inside her ship before she disappears into the black hole? Does he try to bring her back from the void? No, he doesn't.

In TOS show and movies, Jim Kirk risks so much for his crew and his ship that a Star Trek fan can't believe that a new woman is the love of his life, unless Jim is willing to do for her everything he does for his friends. And honestly, after The Search for Spock… how can he even come close to do that?

And it's not just about Jim's actions. There's his language too. At the start of the third movie, Jim refers to Spock as "the noblest part of myself". What could he say about a love interest that is as deep as this?

Let's be honest here: the reason it's so hard to write a story about Jim Kirk's true love is that the real love story for him has already been written. You may not see it romantically, but Kirk and Spock's story is absolutely a love story. And when a character has someone he loves so deeply, it's not easy to convince the audience that he could have someone new to love as deeply. In Jim's case, the combination of his personality and his canon life makes it almost impossible.

Anyway, before I end up not so accidentally turning this analysis into a complete Kirk/Spock ship manifesto, I'm just going to mention one silly thing about the Valentine's Day comic. Please, don't take it too seriously, I'm half-joking :)

So, there are two kiss scenes in the story: one when Jim and Laura start to spend a lot of free time together, and one in the last panel. Well, I can't believe Jim isn't holding Laura's shoulders when he kisses her! That's just the basis of the way Jim kisses women! D:

Different Star Trek characters kiss in different ways; it fits their personalities. And because the rest of my TOS posts are probably too gay for these gifs, I'm dropping them as references here:

Sorry, but if Jim Kirk doesn't grab someone's shoulders before a kiss, it just kills my immersion! :P

Okay, a little more seriously: Jim doesn't always kiss women the same way; however, his "shoulder grab" is common enough that you definitely notice it if you pay attention. Because of that, I think it would have been nice to include it in the Valentine's Day comic.

After reading this comic, what kind of person would I consider perfect for Jim?

Well, my answer is obvious. However, I'll try to elaborate.

First of all, this story definitely convinced me even more that Jim can only be really happy with another Starfleet officer (or at least someone who's been deeply involved with Starfleet). He also needs someone who understands him as a space explorer, without trying to keep him grounded. And someone very smart, of course. These are all traits Laura has. But they're just the basis.

I don't think Jim needs someone in command of their own ship as a lifelong partner. As I said before, I can't really imagine it working out. Another starship captain would have their own goals and their own ambitions; that doesn't mean Jim shouldn't marry someone with specific plans for their own career, but I think these plans should keep the two of them close, not on different ships. Jim needs his partner physically at his side; if he could be happy in a long-distance relationship, I believe we would have seen at least one working out in canon. But it's never the case. Working on different starships from the same fleet would be a little better, but in my opinion not enough, unless it's for a short period of time.

And there's also the matter of his partner's personality. Jim is a natural leader; that's why he's so good at his job. I don't think he needs a similar kind of leader as romantic partner. This is just my personal opinion, but I believe they would just fight about everything they disagree about. I think he needs someone calmer in his life, not someone who'd encourage emotional outbursts.

More importantly, he absolutely needs someone he can communicate with. If he can't talk to his partner about everything important, they're not the right person for him. That doesn't mean they can't have disagreements or miscommunication issues, of course, but they shouldn't happen all the time, and Jim and his partner should be able to talk about them and make up.

In conclusion: someone at his side on his ship, smart, calm, trustworthy :)

Now, I know what some of you are thinking about: what about the "no relationships with subordinates" personal rule Jim has? How can Jim be in a relationship with Spock (or anyone else on the Enterprise) if he's everyone's superior officer? Well, first of all, I already said that after The Voyage Home, Jim and Spock are both captains. And before that… I think that Spock in the comic phrased it the right way. Jim can find his happiness with someone of "equal status". I think it's pretty clear, in my opinion, that Janice Rand and Spock aren't the same kind of subordinates to Jim. Just think about it: which members of the Enterprise call their captain "Jim"? Bones, Spock and (occasionally) Scotty. These are the three people I believe are "equals" in private to Jim, no matter their ranks when they're on duty. Because of that, a relationship between Jim and Spock could work pretty well.

By the way, another thing the Valentine's Day comic made me think about is that in TOS movies, Jim sort of does with Spock pretty much everything he does with Laura in this story. Not the same way, of course, but does it matter? Spock is his own person, he's not Jim's copy. That doesn't mean he can't indulge Jim, have fun himself… and try to stop Jim from doing dangerous things "for fun", as an old spouse would :)

Okay, perhaps throwing each other into the water doesn't count as dancing, but it's so much better :D

In conclusion, this is the way I can read the Valentine's Day comic as a Kirk/Spock shipper:

Jim mentions Spock on his first date with a woman.

Jim questions his life choices as he thinks about Spock and IDIC philosophy.

Jim does with Laura everything we see him doing in TOS show, except for playing chess (just the thing he does with Spock).

Jim says Laura and him are a good team in Starfleet because they had a lot of sex (is that true about other people he works well with??)

There haven't been many ladies or gentlemen in Jim's life because he's busy (not because he's not into men, apparently).

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together." Good for your future with Spock, Jim!

If Jim and Laura got married, they could both teach at Starfleet Academy, something Jim is totally going to do with Spock someday.

Mister "I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk" Spock.

Also, Mister "I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness" Spock, which is actual foreshadowing of his own future status with Jim.

Hey, look at Jim reading a book that reminds him of his lost love! I wonder where I've seen LITERALLY THE SAME PICTURE???

"Don't 'Admiral' me". This is totally not similar to what Jim tells Spock in The Voyage Home, of course.

Hey, we're both captains now! Just for a few days, but isn't that great? I wonder if anyone else is a captain now, and forever? :D

"I have been and always shall be your Valentine". Totally not a Kirk/Spock line, I don't know what you're talking about! :)

Okay, okay, that's all.

As a Kirk/Spock shipper, I won't deny that I'm a little jealous of this Valentine's Day special comic, because I wish we could get something with amazing art like this where Jim is in love with Spock. On the other hand, Star Trek: Year Five comic series has a few scenes about Jim & Spock's friendship that I really liked. Platonic, sure, but good enough for my K/S goggles!

Thank you so much for reading this post until the end! I hope you enjoyed my analysis! Live long and prosper!

[lenievi]

TOS-tober day 6 (triumvirate prompts)

Favourite romantic duo?

My doorway to mckirk was the bar scene between them in Beyond. That was the first scene I saw from AOS, and only after that I watched the films in order. Because it was the their "final" AOS dynamic that I fell in love with, I feel it's only logical (lol) that I would also like everything about their TOS version because Beyond is the closest to TOS in feeling and characterization (even though I'd still say it's closer to TOS films rather than the show itself).

Yesterday, I said that the spones dynamic is the most engaging, and it is. But Kirk and McCoy's relationship has always been my favourite. It took me a bit to cross the line into the romantic nature of it, but I'm embracing it fully now~

When it comes to Kirk and McCoy in TOS, their relationship is the most quiet, in a way. Their most important scenes are at the beginning of s1, and when you don't get on that train early, it's easy to just miss it imho Not that there aren't good scenes as far as s3 (but they're mostly part of the triumvirate scenes, and Spock-McCoy overshadow the Kirk-McCoy angle), and then the films are just full of mckirk scenes, but at that point, I feel like most people are just focused elsewhere. The lack of fanworks doesn't help either, unfortunately.

But from early on, you know that Kirk and McCoy are close friends. McCoy approaches Kirk in a way no one else does, and Kirk lets his guard around McCoy down. He shares his doubts with him, and he's often willing to listen to McCoy without telling him he doesn't need to be psychoanalyzed. Even though there's literally no need in 90% of cases, Kirk will take McCoy with him on most missions. The show itself even acknowledged how neither of them were necessary in landing parties, but Kirk's need for exploration include McCoy around and giving McCoy opportunities to study things. Which is then again reflected in TMP, where Kirk just needs to have McCoy with him and pesters an admiral to grant him that need.

At times, McCoy sees Kirk through rose-coloured glasses and he cares about him so much, but he's also afraid that Jim will push himself (and also others) above his limit. Kirk is someone who is 100% dedicated to his job, his ship, and his crew, and McCoy is afraid that it will consume him one day - stress, duty, regulations, pressure. He's afraid that Spock will enable Jim to continue on a path of cold logic and forget himself. Destroy himself. And so he makes sure that he can always try and pull Jim back. And Jim? Jim would be lost without McCoy. (McCoy is so important to him.) He might not acknowledge it, but he needs to occasionally hear what McCoy has to say. McCoy is his connection with a world outside of "command" - McCoy specifically isn't welcome in that world. He can question Jim himself, but he can't question Kirk's command decisions. It's not his place.

They're both genuinely fond of each other and they understand each other. And they can hurt each other the most because they know where it would hurt the most. They have a strong emotional connection that isn't diluted too much by professionalism and the chain of command, but it's still an important part of their dynamic.

All of this works for me as a basis for them as a romantic ship where I can exaggerate some of it and mold it into something that I enjoy, that can be a little bit messed up. In a way, "I need you. Damn it, Bones, I need you. Badly." & McCoy killing a living being twice because of Kirk is an important part of the way I ship them.

But at the end of the day, I love Kirk and McCoy's relationship in any way, and I honestly don't know how to properly describe what their friendship in TOS means to me. And it's all thanks to one youtube video of their AOS versions having a drink together in a dimply lit bar.

[prompts]

[affixjoy]

Today I continued my Star Trek journey by rewatching Star Trek (2009) and boy howdy do I have some thoughts.

So first off, I saw this for the first time when I came out in 2009. It wasn’t my first experience with Star Trek, but it was probably my first with Kirk and Spock and that gang. I remember liking it a lot.

Now that I’ve watched all of TOS and a few of the movies with the original cast my feelings are a little more complicated.

Overall, fun movie! I imagine they had to have felt the weight of recasting and redoing such iconic characters, and in a lot of ways they succeeded. It certainly got younger people like me interested in the franchise!

💫 Spock: I do love this version of him. His “live long and prosper” to the VSA is perfectly bitchy and I’m obsessed with it.

💫BONES!! if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll know that somehow Bones snuck up on me as my favorite character. I love his intro here, and I think Karl Urban gets the tone just right. This really is a buffet for the McKirkers out there, I can see how this led to 1000 academy era fics of them.

💫Kirk: oh Jim. Jimmy Jim Jim. Baby boy. What are you doing. How did being played by Chris Pine (who is incredibly hot) make you LESS attractive??

Obviously this Kirk suffers from some Kirk drift and the added trauma of losing his dad. He’s so much angrier, so much less sweet and nerdy. Rewatching this now I can see why I was so hesitant to like him in TOS because he’s a lot less lovable here.

💫 I get it’s an emergency and they had to for plot reasons, but almost all of Pike’s staffing choices make no sense. Sure, Spock as acting captain, I get that. But everyone else?? Imagine being one of the other people there who has been with starfleet for years and seeing him hand Kirk the role of first officer. The ship can’t be entirely cadets can it?? Imagine the group texts going around after like “thank god he didn’t die because I really need to bitch about this.”

💫 I love all three Uhuras (tos, aos, and snw) and I get why they made her Spock’s love interest here because they’ve got fun chemistry! They have a lot in common, they’re both hot and smart, I get it. But cmon guys, that man is a 6 on the Kinsey scale. You keep pairing him with women and it doesn’t work.

💫 I feel like they worked in lots of little references to classic trek, from plot stuff to smaller details like when Spock enters from the turbolift at the end in a very TMP way. I love that, it makes me feel like the people making the movie really care about the stories and the characters. When Spock Prime says good luck I felt all the weight of his relationship with his Jim and how it changed him. So lovely and touching.

And just how close they made Kirk and Spock stand, especially towards the end of the movie. They were always glued to each other in TOS and JJ must have known us Spirk shippers needed something to latch on to 😅

💫 There’s too much action in this movie for me. We didn’t need to see Scotty beamed into the water tank. The best sf stuff is always story based, I don’t need extravagant fights and cgi shit. I’m sure there are people who watch science fiction for the spectacle but I’m here for the ideas and the feelings.

💫 goddddd everything with Vulcan and losing Amanda. Rip all our hearts out why don’t you. Spock’s mom dying is just heartbreaking. I know they had to lose someone we knew to make the destruction of the planet more real to us as viewers but so crushing to see it.

💫 Old Spock 😭😭😭

He knows right away who Jim is and expects that Jim found him on purpose.

Old Spock just launched right in to the mind meld huh. To me this really says that he and his Jim are on very casual mind meld terms and he’s not fully understanding that this Jim is not his Jim.

Think about how fucking weird all this must be for old Spock. How heartbreakingly strange it would be so see a young version of your husband and send him to a young version of yourself. Meeting all your old friends young selves, years after you’ve lost them all.

And from here out it’s just miscellaneous thoughts I jotted down while watching that don’t fit great anywhere else:

⭐️I love when the redshirt is so excited to get the Romulans and Kirk gets this look like… that’s why you’re here? Dude the battle not the appeal here. A nice glimpse of how this Kirk is similar at heart to TOS Kirk.

⭐️Love you Sulu and your fencing skills

⭐️I love when they stop the lift for emotional reasons.

⭐️“Our destinies have changed” goddddd great speech Spock

⭐️Jim has the look of a man who is frequently escorted places by security

⭐️Spock wants to break Kirk so bad 😂

⭐️When Jim slaps Spock’s back and Spock has a look of “I think that just awakened something in me.”

⭐️Spock you’re calling him Jim already? You slut. (Delighted, affectionate)

Overall I think it’s a fun movie but it misses a lot of what’s at the heart of the classic Trek I love. They try to do everything too fast and it just doesn’t work as well for me. I’m excited to rewatch the next two and see how these versions of the characters change!

[440mxs-wife]

The Country Doctor, Chapter 3: The "Ex" Factor

Pairing: Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy x F!Reader (eventual). Other Characters are the usual suspects: Jim Kirk, Nyota Uhura (mentioned). OMC's Travis Myers and Miles Cooper.

Word Count: 4812

Warnings: Divorce, break-up, ruthless businessmen, mention of destruction of property, an encounter with an ex that doesn't end well, Leonard being supportive and comforting, Jim being his usual, charming, mischievous self

Summary: Fresh off of his divorce, Dr. McCoy receives word that he has inherited a 5,000-acre farm and home in Logan, Montana. Finally, he has an opportunity for a clean slate and to start his own clinic out west and leave his ex-wife behind. Along the way, he'll meet a cast of unique characters, each with a place in his new small-town life. But there could be trouble ahead in the form of a powerful CEO hell-bent on acquiring Leonard's property by any means necessary.

A/N: This idea was posted by @hailbop1701, with a specific list of plot points/dialog to be included. I won't put the list here, because it'll give away too much. Not sure how many parts there'll be, but I hope you like where I take the story.

A/N 2: If you’ve been tagged here, it’s because you’ve interacted one or more times on a McCoy story of mine, or we’re moots. Whether you like or reblog, I am eternally grateful for your support. If anyone else would like to be tagged on any future Karl Urban character postings, or would rather leave the Crazy Train, please let me know. Thank you, and enjoy the show!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Previously: "And just what in the hell are you doing here?"

"Wow, it's good to see you too," Travis grinned smugly.

"I wish I could say the feeling was mutual, but we both know that'd be a lie," you retorted. "So, I ask you again--what. are. you. doing. here?"

"Since you asked soooo nicely, I'm here to speak to Dr. McCoy, is he in?" Travis sneered.

"Not unless you're here to see him as a patient, and I already know you're not. Therefore, you need to leave," you snapped. "Door's behind you. I suggest you use it."

"Such hostility!" Travis gasped, feigning shock. "If this is the way Dr. McCoy runs his clinic, I can't imagine you have too many--" he smirked but was interrupted.

"'Too many' what?" Leonard interrupted. "Is there some sort of problem here?" he inquired, eyes narrowed, with his arms folded across his chest.

"Oh! Good afternoon, Dr. McCoy. Uh, no, no problem at all. My name is Travis Myers, and I believe we've spoken on the phone a few times, if you remember?" With no response, he continued. "Ah. Right. Well, unfortunately, on my last visit to your lovely estate, I wasn't given an adequate opportunity to discuss a pending business matter. I am here on behalf of NorthStar Corp--" he started to explain but was once again cut off.

"I know who you're working for, and I'll bet they told you to do anything and everything to get me to sell," Leonard replied, arms still crossed. Despite the gravity of the situation, you nearly drooled at the way his shirt stretched over his torso and how nicely his biceps were contained within the fabric.

"As a matter of fact, they did. Anyway, I'm sure you'll find that the terms of our latest offer are more than generous. I've been given quite a bit of leeway to negotiate on their behalf and close this deal, but--" Travis started.

"Look, Trevor, I'll save you and NorthStar Corp a whole heap o' trouble. I ain't interested in money. If I was, I wouldn't be accepting fresh peach cobbler and homemade ice cream as payment for services rendered. So, you can just go on back to Mr. Big Shot and tell him I ain't movin' out of my Uncle Walter's home. The people here are warm and friendly, and I like bein' their doctor," he declared with an air of finality. Then he threw you a small wink, causing a flash of heat in your cheeks.

The intentional name slip-up and your reaction to McCoy's last gesture to you did not go unnoticed by Travis. Interesting, he thought. He knew of Leonard's divorce, and that it's at least partially what brought him to town. But how did you fit into the picture? Were the two of you more than work colleagues?

Leonard was fairly new in town, and Travis learned that you had moved here shortly after the break-up. For some reason, seeing you interacting with the good doctor, standing by him, stirred some feelings of jealousy. You used to do that for him, accompany him to business dinners, hang on his arm and make him look good. Now that attention was saved for someone else and he didn't like it.

Travis pushed these thoughts to the side for the moment to focus on the matter at hand. "Very well, Doctor. I'll be sure to relay your message to Mr. Cooper. However, I must warn you that he is highly motivated to close this deal. As my most persistent client, he is accustomed to getting what he wants. Every time, and without exception. Think about our offer, won't you? Good evening to you both," he remarked confidently before he exited the clinic.

***

He returned to his car and drove back to his motel room to reflect on his encounter with you and Dr. McCoy. He realized this was going to be more difficult than he originally thought. He was going to have to pull out all the stops if he wanted to close this deal. He was ready to do whatever was necessary to get McCoy to sign to protect his interests and those of his client.

Mr. Cooper didn't tolerate failure in any form, and after the way the conversation in the clinic went, he needed to fix this and fast. If he didn't, the firm he worked for was likely to fire him because they couldn't afford to lose such a big client. No way was he going to allow you to interfere with his success because of the animosity in your shared past. He was willing to protect his social and economic status at all costs.

In the cupholder beside him, his phone rang. The caller ID showed it was Bradley, so he gave the approval to patch through a call from Mr. Cooper. "Good evening, sir, I was just about to call you and--" Travis started but his client interrupted.

"Never mind that, Myers, what do you have for me?" Cooper demanded.

He mentioned his earlier discussion with Dr. McCoy and his run-in with you at the clinic. "I explained that our offer was more than generous and that you were committed to the deal. However, he won't budge, said he's happy being a 'country doctor'," he sneered. "I made it clear that you were highly motivated and would prevail in this situation, but I don't think it had any effect."

Cooper was silent on the other line, which was uncomfortable for Travis. He was used to hearing this client's blustering on the other end with his commands and domineering attitude. The longer the silence stretched on, the more nervous Travis became.

Finally Cooper heaved a deep sigh. "I'm quite disappointed, Myers. I thought you would've closed the deal by now, but I see my faith in you has been misplaced. I'm a busy man, and can't afford to wait any longer. You're fired."

"'Fired', sir??" Travis exclaimed. "Mr. Cooper, with all due respect, I think I've got something to convince McCoy to sign, if I can just talk to him again. If I could get a little more t–"

"No. You had your chance to close a no-brainer deal with a simple country doctor, and you blew it. I'm sure I can find someone else to manage my account and get this deal done." With that, Mr. Cooper hung up, leaving Travis to stare at his now-blank phone screen.

Not long after, he received a call from his boss, also firing him from the firm for failing to meet his objective. Devastated and at a loss for what to do next, he phoned his fiancée for some comforting words. However, she had already heard about him being fired and that he was likely blacklisted from ever working as a financial advisor again. For those reasons, she was moving out of their shared apartment and broke off their engagement.

I've lost everything, he thought. My client, my job, and my fiancée, gone. All because a backwoods doctor wouldn't sign a stupid piece of paper. I would've been financially set for life and married to the woman of my dreams.

And it was all your fault, because of your grudge against him that convinced Dr. McCoy not to sign the agreement. Something in Travis' mind snapped, and he refused to let you take it all away from him. You were going to pay for what you did to him. Starting tonight.

***

As soon as Travis walked out of the clinic, you let out a shaky breath you didn't realize you were holding. You braced your trembling hands on the edge of your desk, as you bowed your head and focused on the files still arranged in a neat pile on the surface. With deep, even breaths, you tried to get your heart rate back under control and keep your knees from giving out from under you.

Noticing your distress, Leonard took a couple of steps towards you, his arm outstretched to gently lay a hand on your shoulder. "You all right, darlin'?" he asked.

Slowly you raised your head and when your eyes met his, you noticed they were full of concern and kindness. "Yeah, I'm all right. Thank you, Len," you replied wearily with a small smile. "Just wasn't expecting to see him here of all places. Word to the wise, he will not be going away anytime soon."

"It doesn't matter how many times he shows up, or what kind of offers NorthStar Corp decides to make. I'll tell him the same thing the next time he shows up, too," he affirmed. "Or anybody else for that matter."

"You sure are stubborn, Leonard," you chuckled.

"I prefer the term 'resolute'. No, really, I meant what I said. I like this town, and no amount of money is going to make me leave it." Or you, he silently added. He tilted your head up to meet his gaze. "Now, I think it's about time we close up shop and call it a day, hmm?"

The warmth reflected in his hazel eyes nearly made your heart skip a beat. "Umm....yeah, I-I think that sounds like a good idea, yes," you stammered. You stopped shuffling papers for a moment to look up at your boss as your thoughts returned to an earlier subject. "Actually, if you're not busy, I was wondering if maybe you'd want to come over to my place tonight, and I'd cook dinner for you."

Leonard stood with one hand in his pockets, the other resting on his chin in thought, his eyes tilted upward as he considered your invitation. It had been a while since he'd spent time at a woman's house, let alone received an offer from her to cook a meal for him. Jocelyn was not well-versed in the culinary arts, leading to a lot of take-out meals or dining out. Just as he was about to accept your offer, you interrupted his thoughts.

"You know something? I just realized it's kind of silly for you to drive all the way into town. Because then you'd have to drive all the way back home after dinner. I-It's okay if you'd rather not tonight, Dr. McCoy," you added.

"Whoa there, darlin', never said I didn't want to," he replied. "But you're givin' me a case of whiplash by first invitin' me to dinner, then you change your mind," he grinned. "Why d'you wanna cook for me anyway?"

"Well, I like to cook for others, and it sorta relaxes me. We had a busy day with patients today, and I'm sure you must be exhausted. Especially after that meeting with Travis," you grimaced. "And on a Friday night, I'll bet the last thing on your mind is making a meal for yourself. So, why not let someone cook for you?" you shrugged as you continued to clear your desk. You knew you were rambling, but you didn't know how to stop it. That is, unless a large sinkhole opened directly underneath you and put you out of your misery. 

Leonard grabbed your hands to still your movements and waited to speak until your eyes were on his. "You worked hard today, too, you know. Exactly like you always do," he remarked. "And then with Travis showing up, that was just the icing on the cake, am I right?"

You nodded at his assessment of your annoyance with your ex, so he continued. "How about this? If it means that much to you, then you're welcome to pick through my pantry, refrigerator, whatever I've got. You can use my pots and pans, and anything you put on a plate, I promise I will eat it." As soon as the offer was made, he frantically hoped Jim had recently done at least some grocery shopping. The last thing he needed was for you to open the fridge door, only to find a lonely jar of pickles and a few cans of beer.

The playful grin on his face was too much to resist, and you felt the corners of your mouth twitching upwards to match it. "Deal," you replied with a grin. "Can't wait to see what I've got to work with." You grabbed your jacket from the back of your chair and draped it over your arm, along with your purse. Leonard ushered you out in front of him, then he closed up the clinic for the day by turning off the lights and locking the doors.

***

Fortunately, luck was with Leonard. Around an hour later, you and Leonard were putting the finishing touches on a dinner of Chicken Alfredo with a tossed salad and garlic bread. While you prepared the main dish, you put Leonard in charge of chopping the vegetables for the salad. The garlic bread was a "team effort", with the two of you working together on it as you traded stories.

Leonard dug into his portion of the main dish, and when a groan of approval escaped his lips, a smile stretched across your face. You were pleased that your favorite dish was met with such appreciation, which was lacking in your previous relationship.

In the beginning, Travis let you handle the meal preparation and grocery shopping for the two of you. He didn't really care what you made, and generally ate it without complaint or comment. However, towards the end of your relationship, he became much more critical of your efforts. His criticism diminished the joy you once found in cooking, and he was always getting take-out food, which replaced your home-cooked meals.

"Wow, it smells absolutely fantastic in here!" exclaimed Jim as he wandered into the kitchen. He passed by the table where you and Leonard had paused your meal to focus your attention on him. "Whatcha got cookin'?" he asked, then added, "good lookin'," with a smirk and a waggle of his eyebrows.

His lame attempt at flirtation caused you to roll your eyes and stab a forkful of your salad. Meanwhile, Jim quickly helped himself to a plate of the food you prepared and took the chair next to Leonard at the table. He twirled the pasta around his fork and stuffed it into his mouth. The noises and words of praise dripping from him after one bite were music to your ears.

When you had finished, you gathered up your plate, salad bowl, and utensils to take them to the sink. "I'm sorry there is no dessert for this evening, but I promise to make it up to you next time," you called over your shoulder.

"Oh, that's all right, darlin'," Leonard answered as he finished his own portion and pushed himself away a bit from the table.

"Yeah, and I can't wait until the next time," Jim interjected, while fending off the death glare from Leonard. Jim tried to play the innocent card, his hand to his chest and mouthing the word, "what?" to his friend. He'd heard Leonard speak fondly of you on many an occasion. And if what he saw before joining you was anything to go by, you returned the sentiment.

Leonard rose from the table and picked up some of the dirty dishes to take to the kitchen. He gently placed them next to the sink. Before going back to the table for more, he paused, leaned one hip against the counter, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Now, just what do you think you're doing?" he wondered.

"I'm cleaning up after myself, what does it look like I'm doing?" you answered while the sink filled with hot, soapy water. "My mama would be disappointed in me if I made a mess in the kitchen and didn't clean it up."

"Really? Because my mama'd tan my hide if she found out a guest was doing dishes in my house," Leonard chuckled.

"I'm not going to leave you with a sink full of dirty dishes, Leonard," you affirmed. "C'mon, I'll wash and you can dry. The sooner we get done, the quicker we can move on to the next activity, like maybe a movie?" you suggested, hopefully. "Besides, I'm not a guest anymore, since I've been here more than twice," you declared with an air of finality.

A wry smile crept across Leonard's face, then he shook his head, knowing he wouldn't be able to dissuade you in your logic. "All right, all right, fine. And a movie sounds like a great idea," he acknowledged, then went back out to grab more dishes.

When he arrived at the table, Jim caught his arm. "Hey, what's this I hear about a movie?" he inquired eagerly. At Leonard's near-murderous glare, he held up his hands in surrender and chuckled. "I'm kidding, Bones. I promise, I'll leave you two alone." He waggled his eyebrows again, then took off at a run as his laughter echoed off the walls all the way to his room.

Leonard shook his head in resignation then entered the kitchen with the final batch of dishes to be washed. "So, what kind of movie did you want to watch?" he asked. As you worked, the two of you discussed your favorite films and why you loved them.

Slasher films were a solid "no" from both of you, mystery/thrillers were okay, but you were split on rom-coms and musicals. Action/adventure movies were acceptable, though Leonard was not fond of the ones set in space. "Too much can go wrong up there," he warned. "And something always goes wrong. When it does, the heroes inevitably choose the most completely unrealistic solution, which ends up somehow saving the day."

His sardonic observation about space films made you throw your head back and laugh. "Oh, Leonard, you're too funny," you remarked. "I think space is a wondrous place, full of adventure and so much of it waiting to be discovered."

"Yeah, well, you'll never get me up there. I'm perfectly fine with my feet firmly planted on good ol' Planet Earth," he snorted.

***

After a bit of back-and-forth, the two of you finally settled on a movie. Leonard sat at one end of the couch, his long legs stretched out in front of him. For you, it was a toss-up on where to sit. If you took up the other end of the couch, you appeared distant. If you chose the middle cushion, well, wasn't that a little too close for two....what were you, anyway? Friends? Co-workers? More?

Leonard noticed your hesitation on the seating arrangement. "You gonna sit down, darlin'? Can't start the movie till ya get settled," he pointed out.

"I know, but where should I sit? Wouldn't want to mess up anyone's favorite seat," you explained nervously.

He really didn't want you as far away as the other end, but he also didn't want you to feel forced to sit next to him. "You can sit wherever you'd like," he replied, then laid his palm on the middle cushion. "Although no one really sits here, so you can break it in and we'll call it your seat if you want," he grinned.

That was smooth, you thought, your eyes widening a little in surprise. Okay, we can play it like that, if you want. You sauntered over to where his hand was still resting on the cushion and waited until he caught your gaze. Without breaking eye contact, he withdrew his hand and watched as you settled into your seat. "Hmm, comfy," you hummed.

"Yeah....comfy," he murmured as he handed you a blanket. He reached for the remote and glanced over at you. "Ready?"

"Fire away," you replied as you draped the blanket across your lap.

The chosen movie was called Red, an action-spy-type movie. It was about a small group of retired, former assassins that the government seemed to want retired. Permanently. There was one character, a hotshot CIA agent named William Cooper, who was in charge of the operation. When he first appeared on screen, you leaned forward in your seat to get a better look. For some reason, he looked very familiar to you.

Leonard glanced over at you, wondering why you kept looking back and forth between him and the screen. "Uh, sweetheart, is everything okay?"

"That character, Agent Cooper?" you asked, pointing at the screen. "Does he look at all....familiar to you? Like....anyone you know?"

He looked again, watching as Cooper was running through the building, chasing one of the former assassins named Frank Moses. His eyes narrowed as he tried to find anything recognizable about the character. "I don't think so, nothing sticks out, why?"

You twisted your fingers nervously in your lap. "Well....I think he looks like you. I mean, at least a little bit anyway," you commented.

The two of you went back to watching the movie, and when Cooper appeared again, Leonard paused the screen. After a few moments, he restarted the film. "I don't see any resemblance," he muttered. You did your best to suppress the grin threatening to break free and decided to let it go for the moment so you could enjoy the rest of the story.

A few scenes later, the events of the day caught up to you, and you felt your eyes start to droop closed. When they did, you snapped them back open, but it took a little longer to do so with each passing moment. Your body was also losing the fight with gravity, as it kept leaning over until it connected with Leonard's arm. You nuzzled your head onto his shoulder, then sighed deeply in contentment. He chuckled softly and curled his arm around you while he continued to watch the movie.

As the credits rolled, Leonard noticed it was nearly midnight. He didn't want you to try to drive home when you were half-asleep, so there was only one other choice. He carefully moved off of the couch, then shifted your body until you were fully stretched out on the sofa. He cradled your head, slid a pillow under it, and covered you with the blanket you were using earlier.

Just before he left the room, you briefly opened your eyes. "Leonard? Is the movie over?" you mumbled, not yet fully awake, but you knew it had to be late. "I should get home," you murmured as you started to rise.

Leonard returned and knelt beside the couch, nudging you to lay down again. "Shh, it's okay, darlin'. Movie's over, you can go on back to sleep," he replied softly. He pulled the blanket up under your chin then smiled when you closed your eyes again.

After a few moments, he reached up and brushed the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. "Goodnight, sweetheart," he whispered. On impulse he pressed a kiss to the side of your head, then stood up and walked to his room. As he turned away, he missed how your lips curved upwards at his sweet gesture.

***

The next morning, you were awakened by the smell of blueberry pancakes with sausages and freshly brewed coffee. You sat up and stretched, feeling more rested than you have for months. One last yawn and you were off to the bathroom to take care of the morning necessities.

When you arrived at the kitchen, Leonard was busy ladling some pancake batter onto a cast iron griddle. You stood in the entrance, observing his movements, which were fluid and precise. He didn't appear hurried, as if everything was perfectly on schedule. He reached out to his right for the tongs to rotate the sausage links. He finished just in time to turn over the pancakes and sprinkle some cheese on the scrambled eggs.

Leonard was suddenly aware of another presence in the kitchen. He grinned when he saw you leaning against the doorway. "Good morning! How'd you sleep?"

"Good morning to you! I slept well, probably better than I have for a while. Thank you for letting me stay," you answered softly. You pushed off the doorframe and sauntered over to the cabinet, in search of coffee mugs. "Breakfast smells wonderful. Good to know your cooking skills extend beyond chopping vegetables for salad," you teased.

"I've been known to flip a flapjack or two in my time, I'll have you know," he sassed in return. "Used to cook a lot of breakfasts for myself, my mom, and my sister before I got married. Even had it for dinner sometimes."

"I remember dinners like this in my family," you remarked. "Growing up, money was usually tight, so we'd have pancakes, or French toast. Sometimes, we'd even have fried egg sandwiches for the evening meal."

Just as the two of you sat down at the table with your plates, Jim wandered in, his eyes nearly popping out of his head at all the food. "Wow, this all looks great! You cookin' for us again, sweetheart?" he asked you.

Since your mouth was full with a bite of blueberry pancake, you shook your head and pointed your empty fork at Leonard. Jim's eyes went wide again at the revelation. "Bones?? You cooked??"

Leonard glared at Jim, who had started to fill a plate with pancakes, sausages, and scrambled eggs with cheese. "Of course I cooked, genius. Jocelyn was the one who didn't cook, remember? Besides, if you insist on insulting me, you don't get any of my fluffy blueberry pancakes," he retorted. "You can have cereal for breakfast."

Jim immediately raised his hands in surrender and apologized for his lack of faith in his friend's cooking ability. There was no way he wanted to miss out on anything from the mouthwatering spread his friend created. With his plate piled high, the topic of conversation turned to plans for the remainder of the day.

"Well, I'll help clean up, but after that, I need to head home and feed my cat, Mimzy. She's a gray tiger-striped tabby cat that I've had for about three years now," you mentioned. "So, I have to do that, plus I have some laundry that I've been putting off for far too long."

"Sounds like you're in for a fun day," Jim snorted.

On your way back to the table, you reached into your pocket to grab your ringing phone. You smiled when you saw that it was Nyota calling and cheerfully greeted her. However, your smile quickly dropped and a look of horror crossed your face. "WHAT?!? Oh my god, I'll be right there. No, I stayed the night at Leonard's, I'll explain later. Meet me at my place, or what's left of it, I guess." The call disconnected and you stumbled to a chair, your phone clattering on the table.

"Darlin'? Is everything okay? What was that about 'what's left of' your place?" Leonard gently prodded.

For a few moments, you were too stunned to speak, tears rolling down your face. "My....there was a fire last night at my apartment building," you murmured. "I won't know how much of my place is damaged until I get there."

"Is everyone okay? What about your cat?" Leonard asked, as he and Jim looked at each other in shock.

"Um....Mimzy's fine, one of the neighbors I gave a key to was able to get her out. Everyone else also got out safely. What am I going to do?" you whispered.

Leonard walked over to where you were sitting and knelt in front of you and rested his hand on your knee. Jim stood on your other side, his hand on your shoulder. Leonard caught your attention and gave you a look that he hoped was a comforting one. "Hey there, darlin'," he gently crooned, his thumb stroking your kneecap. "How about we gather your stuff and I'll take you into town, hmm? I'll drive your car and Jim can follow in my truck. That sound all right?"

The shock was slowly beginning to wear off, which allowed Leonard's words to sink in. "Yeah, that sounds okay. I'm not in the right headspace to be behind the wheel right now," you responded wearily, then you moved your hand to cover his. "Thank you, Len. Both for last night and right now." You rose from your chair and slid your cell phone into your pocket. "I'll get my stuff and be right back."

"Poor kid," Jim lamented as he shook his head.

"Yeah, you said it," Leonard agreed. The silver lining in this situation, if any could be found, was that your cat, Mimzy, was safe. He also thanked his lucky stars that you weren't home at the time of the fire. Since he didn't know how much damage was done, he was determined to be by your side to offer whatever support you needed.

"You know, she could just move in here. Temporarily, of course," Jim hastily added.

Leonard gave him a puzzled look and arched one eyebrow. "You'd be okay with that?" he wondered.

"Bones, it's your house, but think about it. We have a guest room available, she'd be close to work, and she's an amazing cook. How could this not be the perfect solution?" he asked.

Jim had made some excellent points, and it did seem like the ideal answer to the current situation. Except for the fact that Leonard was starting to find he had feelings for you. Ones that grew beyond a working relationship, past friendship and into something more. Having you under the same roof was going to present some unique challenges, but what else could he do?

"Okay, let's ask her."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tags: @marvelouslytrekking @spacedancer1701 @anna-phora @hailbop1701  @writercole  @lassie-bird  @never--doubt  @phoenixisred  @wayward-dreamer  @erindiggory  @strangesgirls  @dumpsterhippie  @genevablog26  @lokis-deares  @medicatemedrmccoy  @rooweighton  @mamamercurymist  @d-doki-doki  @malmeansbad  @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @ghosttrekkie @noforkingclue @bellestalesoffiction @silversword7000 @maximumtacoshark @xspacedemonx @ilachoasgrem @madame-slayer

[shortpplfedup]

Chapter 8: The Self-made House and Home

I'm struggling with this one because it was so perfect. For the second time in as many weeks, a GMMTV BL completely sticks the landing, in a gentle, satisfying conclusion to a story that felt so healing to me in a lot of ways. We don't often get stories about people out of the first flush of youth in BL, and we even less often get family dramas, generational stories. And we almost never get something this real, this grounded, this lived in. This show is going to stay with me, somewhere deep. In this final episode we say goodbye to the Moonlight Chicken Diner, and the denizens thereof, as life goes on without us.

I've been unsure about the signs that Heart and Li Ming were contemplating leaving together for the US, because it didn't feel like there was much of a plan for Heart, and it felt like a lot to put the responsibility for the accommodations Heart would need to thrive on Li Ming. I should have known Aof would ground this story like all the others in a reality that is more sensible. Li Ming in a sense following Heart instead of the other way around makes the plan work. Will they make it together? Who knows, but they're going to try, each walking their own path next to each other, which is the healthiest way when you're young. Heart hinting around the commitment he wants from Li Ming was adorably shy, and Li Ming's response was delightfully cheeky, completely their dynamic. So off the young lovers are going to America.

Alan and Gaipa making the decisions to firmly let go of Wen and Jim respectively is a new beginning for each of them. It still hurts though; Alan telling Wen he can walk on his own and leaving their photos behind when he moves out of their condo; Gaipa realising that Jim's smiles are for Wen and not him and declining the invitation to attend the diner's closing party. Sometimes the bone has to be broken cleanly to heal correctly. A few months later, when they see them again, Alan still feels awkward, but he can say Wen is his friend, and Gaipa can see Jim without awkwardness between them. The tentative first steps of Alan and Gaipa toward each other feels like the right way to leave both of those stories. Both of them are no longer reeling, but they're still grieving and healing from their losses. In the midst of all that, they've noticed each other over the two months that they've been meeting to settle Ms. Hong's affairs, to the point that Alan has started inventing reasons to extend the process, and to try moving their interactions out of the purely professional realm. Their little 'khrap'-off every time they meet is ADORABLE, perfect depiction of that initial awkward stage of 'I think I like this person, and I think this person likes me'. It may become nothing, may become something, but Ms. Hong was the kind of lady who'd brag about her cute, single, gay son to anybody who looked like a possible, so we leave them with hope.

I like the way Jim and Wen still don't rush into anything, despite knowing how they feel. Wen still buys his own place; even as he establishes his place in Jim's home, he also lets Jim know he belongs in Wen's home too. Wen helps out at the new Moonlight Chicken, but it's Jim's business, not a shared business. Wen keeps his day job, even as he turns down a promotion because he would have to move. They are together, they are home to each other, but they are still independent, still themselves. Given both of their histories, that feels right for their relationship. Maybe someday they will want to consolidate more, maybe they never will, but for now they are absolutely contented with the way things are, because they are 100% committed in love and partnership. Jim takes Wen to Sakhon Nakhon, to Jam's home with her new husband and his daughter, and introduces Wen as his boyfriend. And when Jam calls him 'brother in law' Wen demurs, 'I'm just his boyfriend'. They're perfectly content with what they are for now. When we see them in the epilogue, finally watching Jim's favourite movie, they're clearly still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, the desire is there, but it feels settled, mellowed, lived in. It feels grown, and that's the thing I have loved most about Jim and Wen's path to get here, turbulent as it has been. These are two mature people with their own baggage, who found each other in the most unbelievable way, and walked an unconventional path to form a family that feels wholly and solely them. As much as I can't forgive Beam, Moonlight Chicken needed to exist for Wen to walk into it someday, and it would never have existed without Jim and Beam's love. And Wen needed to be dissatisfied with his life to embrace the magic of the night he and Jim met, and keep embracing it, and that wouldn't have happened without Alan either. They're not here despite their pasts, but because of them.

Li Ming is still not sure how he feels about his mother, whether he loves her or not, but he knows he bears her no ill will and he genuinely wants her to be happy. He sees her clearly, without any of the filters which usually sit on our gaze of our parents when we're young. The way he stares at her while she drinks the boba tea he bought her, almost as though he's searching her, searching himself about how he feels, tells me that these two may yet find their way to a closer relationship. Because Li Ming may not be sure he loves his mother, but the kind of relationship they have matters to him nonetheless, that's why he gives her his blessing to get married again, that's why he gives her his apron. Jam knows she's been a bad mother, and she is trying so hard, so desperately to be a better one. Buying Li Ming those cute, childish socks that he nevertheless accepts with a certain fondness, shows how she still sees him, and how far they have to go. But buying him the shoes he so clearly wanted after he rejects her own choice shows that she does acknowledge that he is grown now, and can decide what he wants. When he takes Heart to Sakhon Nakhon with him, to meet his mother's new family, his new family, they are much warmer than they have been. She listens to him quietly, not pushing, and accepts Heart as his person. And the way that she contrives to pay for his work/study programme in America, not offering the money to him outright which she knew he wouldn't feel comfortable with and wouldn't accept, but giving Jim the means to take a loan which she would pay off herself, shows that she understands the depth of the brokenness of their relationship, but she will do whatever she can to repair at least some of the damage.

Jim and Li Ming's loving, tumultuous relationship has been at the centre of this show for me. I'm Jim's age, so I know how he feels, what he worries about, his drive to protect Li Ming from the slings and arrows of the world the best way he knows how. But I remember what it felt like to be young and chomping at the bit to be released from the parental reins and take on life on my own terms. I also remember what it felt like when I was on the cusp of doing just that, and was suddenly hit with a wave of tenderness and compassion and just pure love for my parents. I wanted to leave them, but I also never wanted to leave them. Li Ming asking Jim 'are you tired?' and Jim's surprised response at being asked that question by Li Ming, quite likely for the first time felt so real. It's like now that Li Ming is an adult on the verge of forging his own path through life, he can see Jim as a person and not just a parent, a tired person who's doing their best, and who has loved and looked after him in the best way he knows how. Most of us, not all granted but most, forgive our parents for a lot as we grow older; it's part of the circle of life. Li Ming and Jim will fight again in life, a LOT, but that's because of the love, the bond, the expectations each has for the other. You can't fight the way those two do with somebody you don't love with all your heart. Jim responding to Li Ming's surprising question with a surprising question of his own 'when did you know yourself?' is acknowledging Li Ming as a person as well, not just as a child, his child. He's asking 'hey, when did you grow up huh?'. And god, I feel that so deeply as somebody whose own nephew who I'm helping raise walked for the first time yesterday. 'Wait, when did you get here?' is such a REAL sentiment from a parent to a child. The love between these two is overflowing, so Jim voices it in his own way. 'I'm glad you found what you like. Please know that you do nothing wrong.' This is on the surface about Li Ming's sexuality, but on a deeper level it's Jim telling Li Ming 'I love you, I'm happy for you, I'm in your corner, I have your back.' And then Li Ming also says I love you in his own way. 'Staying with you is the best. Thank you Uncle, for everything.' That's all you ever want to hear from your kid.

Goodbye Moonlight Chicken, goodbye Pattaya, goodbye Jim and the family you built from nothing, and thank you Aof for giving us this story.

Side Dishes

I wanted to see Saleng and Praew's baby, but it was probably difficult to get a baby actor. Ah well. Saleng getting a stable, well-paying job and thriving at it, but still dreaming of one day running his own chicken rice diner like the man who became a father figure to him made me tear up.

Jim turning Moonlight Chicken into a food truck out in the open under the moon felt exactly right, the combination of letting go of the pain of the past while holding on to the good things it gave him, and giving him the freedom to up sticks and move if he ever wants to.

Heart giving Li Ming his name sign, and also vocalising his name because he knows Li Ming loves hearing his voice...crying in the club. Everybody in the little family unit learning sign, including Jam immediately giving it a try...BAWLING in the club.

'The right love consists of the right person, and the right time, at midnight, at a chicken rice diner.'

What on EARTH did Alan message Gaipa?!🤣

[ebaylee422]

Labored Love

Eddie x Reader

Draft Valentine Blurb, Fluff

Author’s Note: A cute little valentine’s day burb that needs to see the light of day since I’ve lost interest but I headcannon hard that Eddie’s Mama is Latinx because how did this poor trailer living man get such nice hair even when wet if it weren’t for his heritage. Enjoy the fluff of our beloved Munson Men

Word Count: 1.2 K

“Happy Valentine's Day, M’lady.” He opened the door to the trailer lined with rose petals from the door to his bedroom. 

“Oh Eddie this is so precious!” I jump to hug him, a flash from the hallway interrupts. Turning to see Wayne ready for work, holding a polaroid camera up to his line of sight.

“Welcome to the Love Shack, now big kiss you love birds!” I have to move Eddie’s hair behind his ear to kiss him. Another flash happens and he doesn’t let go until I pat his shoulder needing air,

“Thanks for staying,” he walks over to Wayne taking the polaroids from the counter and looking through them.

“Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi Uncle Wayne, Happy Valentine's Day.” I say kissing his cheek, giving him a huge hug before reaching into my bag, ”Now I know you don’t like presents but this is food so it doesn’t quite count. It’s just to show how grateful I am to be a part of your family.”

“Y/N-”

“Please, Wayne! I insist, open it.” I begged, bouncing with excitement giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes like Eddie said.

“Eddie, why didn’t you talk her out of this?” He turns to the boy leaning on the counter,

“Believe me I tried, she even got me to aid her in this torment! She’s very persuasive.” Shaking his head Wayne opens the box of homemade empanada’s, his brow furrowed in confusion looking at Eddie with a giant grin. He adjusts his stance turning to me again,

“Did you make these?” He asks with glossy eyes, all I could do is nod in response. 

“I know you don’t like sweets, but they’re actually quite savory like Eddie promised. The filling is Pork and Apples-” He sets the box on the end table near me, picking me up in his arms into a bone crushing hug. Closing my eyes, I hugged him just as tightly back.

Even if Wayne wasn’t Eddie's biological father, he always wanted to be and he became him. In every other imaginable way, they took care of and loved each other as father and son. Even welcoming me as his own too, despite my flaws and struggles. The love I felt for Wayne, the closest thing I’ll have for a father for a long time coming. It is indescribable and natural, a tear escaped my closed eyes as hard as I tried to push the emptiness down of losing that person. Dad and Jim, they weren’t coming back but god did Wayne love me just as fiercely as they would. He shook out a laugh and crushed ‘thank you’ into my shoulder, setting me back down. Pulling away, he wiped a hand down the length of his face and squeezed my bicep. Stepping towards his nephew, giving him the same embrace only unable to pick up his boy now. 

“I love you, Son.” He told Eddie, loud enough for me to hear through the swell of emotion in the room. Eddie buried his face into Wayne’s shoulder, dipping his head in agreement.

“I love you too, Dad.” Their arms loosened around each other, Wayne pushed Eddie's hair out of his face. Holding his face tightly, pinching his nose to stop the onset of more tears he turned back around.

“If these are half as good as your mother’s, which I couldn’t imagine a world they aren’t. And you don’t marry that woman-” He started, pointing a finger at me standing in the entryway. Eddie held his up in surrender, eyebrow hidden under his overgrown bangs and tongue poking out of his closed lips. 

“Then and only then will you be sleeping outside in that van of yours, while we eat these all to ourselves.” He clapped Eddie on the back turning to his box of goodies, with a joval smile plastered to his face. Taking out three, passing them amongst us.

“Now this was my third attempt, I’m still struggling with the dough to filling ratio and not burning them-” Neither of them were listening as they bit into the empanada’s, each respectively had a unique shape of their own but the thought clearly made it all worth the while. When both of them shared respective groans and nods of approval,

“This batch is delicious!” Eddie said through the remaining mouth full of his, sighing in relief I took out another large tupperware of them from the tote.

“Good because Steve, Robin and the kids are sick of eating them.” Eddie squealed in excitement, kissing my cheek.

“I love you.” He looked like his heart were about to explode any minute,

“Shit!” Wayne said, looking at his watch, grabbing the rest of his definite lunch for the first time in a long time for his shift ahead of him. Walking around where Eddie and I blocked in the small space, patting him on the back and kissing me on the cheek as he went for his work boots at the door. “Thank you children, but if I stay any longer than I insisted tonight for photos my team will string me up. Or worse, think I was enjoying myself for once in ten years. Be good! No noise complaints, please!” He ran out the door of the trailer, starting up his truck making his tires skid on the gravel pathway out of the park.

“Too much?” I giggled watching from the side window, empanada still in hand.

“Nah, he’s old with a heart of gold. He’ll never forget it. Now me on the other hand?” His hand on my waist twisted me to be face to face with him, lips still swollen from the car from this angle I could make out every fine line and beauty mark on his face. The small scar above his eye from falling as a child. The closed batched ear piercing in his left ear when he was going through a faze. They way his lashes kissed the faint dark circles under his eyes, eyes of molten chocolate swirls to sweet for this world.

“You?” I choked, drunk on him already.

“Yes, you nearly got me in trouble little miss!” He squished my sides in his hands, making me gasp with faux distress.

“Oh no...” I shook my head pouting to hide my laugh,

“Yep, what are we gonna do about that?” His nose crunched adorably, hugging me to his waist.

“Guess you’ll just have to marry me Munson, that way you’ll never have to sleep  in that Van while you uncle and I enjoy my cooking.” I cupped his face in my hand, soft and smelling of the aftershave he used before dinner.

“I will marry you one day,” His lips cascaded over mine in a barely there gesture, a promise, “Marry you so hard.” He smiled against my lips before dipping further to close the distance.

“Good thing you a man of your word.” I rubbed our noses together unable to contain my smile.

“Yes Wayne taught me well.”

“Indeed he did, but maybe you can indulge in some of the naughty thing I taught you?” My hands smoothed down his shirt on his chest, quickly before he swept my feet from under me in a feat of passion and strength.

“Yea Ma’am! 86′ is definitely my year baby!” He yelled as he dragged me to his room,

“Eddie! No noise complaints!” I laughed clapping his shoulders on the way to the rest of our lives.

Masterlist

[anonymousewrites]

Logos and Pathos (AOS Edition) Chapter Twenty-Two

AOS! Spock x Empath! Reader

Chapter Twenty-Two: Spock on Altamid

Summary: Spock and Bones crash onto Altamid and have to survive. Spock isn't pleased with being separated from (Y/N).

            Spock raced through the halls of the Enterprise. He had just lost contact with the Bridge after his communicator was hit by Krall and his men. As he rounded a corner and fired back at several of his pursuing opponents—Krall was nowhere to be seen—he spotted Bones crouching over a dying officer. The poor man was emaciated, almost drained of life instead of dying of a phaser shot.

            But there was no time to focus on that.

            “Doctor, we must leave now!” ordered Spock.

            Bones didn’t need to be told twice. The officer was dead; there was nothing he could do. The pair ran off through the halls as enemies pursued. Abruptly, the Enterprise listed to the side, and they fell as the ground became the wall. Gravity pulled them down, and they slid towards the ground below.

            Their opponents braced against another wall and fired down. Spock scrambled to grab his phaser, but a bulkhead fortunately closed before any of the phaser fire could hit him or Bones. With strangely additional luck, they had fallen into an escape pod.

            “We need to go, Spock,” said Bones. He hated to leave the ship, but there was nothing else for them to do.

            “(Y/N) and the Captain—” began Spock, but he shut his mouth. He nodded and pressed the button to launch the escape pod. There was nothing he could do to help the ship. It was unavoidable that everyone would be evacuating within a few minutes.

            “I know you’re worried, Spock,” said Bones, even as they fell. His own worry pounded against his ribcage, but he knew they couldn’t do anything. “but (Y/N) and Jim are smart and resilient. They’ll make it.”

            Spock couldn’t do anything but hope that Bones was correct.

            Bam!

            An enemy ship hit their escape pod before any more thoughts could be had. An opponent opened the doors to their escape pod, and Spock kicked him back before he could attack. He threw him to the side, slammed his against the wall, and elbowed him in the head. He threw him back abruptly, and Bones pressed a button to open the airlock. The enemy was sent flying into space. Bones and Spock were pulled towards it, but Bones slammed his hand down on the button again, and they were confined again to the ship.

            Bones groaned as they began to spiral out of control but immediately moved into position. He sat on the motorcycle-like steering contraption of the ship. He crouched over it in confusion, but since the escape pod was damaged, this was his and Spock’s only chance of escape.

            “My god…” Bones’s eyes widened as he looked out the window. “Spock! They’re taking the crew!”

            Spock couldn’t help but freeze in alarm. The escape pods weren’t being destroyed or escaping—they were being grabbed by enemy ships. Everyone was being taken by their opponents.

            “(Y/N)…” he said quietly, heart hammering against his side. They were in danger. His love was in danger. His t’hy’la was in danger. All his mind could focus on was (Y/N) being in harm’s way, and the words swirled chaotically in his head.

            “They’re alive, Spock! That means they’re alive,” said Bones. He was harsh and rough around the edges—especially with Spock—but he liked (Y/N), too. And he knew how much Spock loved them.

            Yes. They are likely alive. While death was a possibility, still, Spock clung to the idea that they were most likely alive. And if they were alive, Spock could find them. He could save them.

            And that was the thought Spock held in his heart as he watched the Enterprise fall towards Altamid.

            “Spock, do you know how to drive this thing?!” said Bones as they entered the atmosphere.

            “No, Doctor, I do not,” said Spock.

            Bones gritted his teeth. “Then you better hold on and pray that our landing doesn’t kill us.”

            They broke through the atmosphere, and Bones swerved. He could barely control the sensitive controls, coming up just short of crashing into the trees. However, they careened towards canyons and rocky outcroppings.

            “Doctor,” warned Spock, holding onto the sides of the ship.

            “I can’t—” They hit a cliff and spun out of control.

            Bones was thrown from the controls, and Spock slammed into the sides of the warping, breaking metal. Crashes echoed around them as the ship hit the ground and rolled to a stop. Bones and Spock were tossed around until it finally, finally, came to a stop.

            Spock and Bones’s heads spun as they lay in the ship for a moment. Taking deep breaths, Spock unsuccessfully tried to get air as a piercing pain in his side made itself known.

            Bones dragged himself out to the porthole and looked out. Blood dripped down from a wound on his forehead. But they were alive.

            “I can’t believe it,” he muttered. He pulled himself out of the ship with a strained groan and landed in the creek below.

            Behind him, Spock tried to pull himself out, but he coughed as the pain in his side redoubled.

            “My god, Spock!” exclaimed Bones as he saw Spock.

            Green blood stained his shirt. A large slab of metal was lodged in his side, dangerously near the site of his heart. Bones scrambled to Spock’s side and helped him down.

            “Sit down over here,” said Bones, supporting Spock’s weight before laying him down. “Okay, okay. Easy, sit. Okay. Now, just try and relax. You’re gonna be okay.”

            “The forced optimism in your voice suggests that you are trying to elicit a sense of calm in order to—”

            “I’ll cut the horseshit,” said Bones.

            Spock raised his head. “Doctor, I fail to see how excrement of any kind bears relevance on our current situation.” He tried to stand up and groaned.

            Bones pushed him back down. “Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you doing?!”

            “We must keep moving, Doctor,” said Spock. I must get to (Y/N).

            “Spock, this thing’s punctured your iliac region!” said Bones.

            Spock argued even as he fell back again. “Time is a critical factor.”

            “That’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you,” grumbled Bones. “Look, if I can’t take this out, you’re gonna die.” Spock looked at him. “Okay? If I take it out and can’t stop the bleeding, you’re gonna die.”

            “I see no appeal in either option,” said Spock.

            “Believe it or not, neither can I,” said Bones. He stepped away to search through the wreckage and began to speak “casually.” “So, if I remember correctly, the Vulcans have their hearts where humans have their livers.” He found the discarded enemy phaser and picked it up.

            “That is correct, Doctor,” groaned Spock, not seeing what Bones was up to.

            “That explains a thing or two,” said Bones. He began to pull a slim piece of metal from the hull of the ship. “You know, you’re lucky. An inch to the left—” he pulled it free “—and you’d be dead already.” He cleared his throat and kept speaking in an attempt to keep Spock focused. “I just don’t get it, Spock. I mean, what did they attack us for?” He knocked a rock against the phaser. “I mean, they do all this for some doodad that the tiny critters didn’t want?”

            “It is unwise to trivialize that which one simply does not understand, Doctor,” said Spock, taking Bones’s bait to speak logically and focus on that. “We can safely assume it is more important than a ‘doodad.’ ”

            Bones held up the phaser he’d banged into shape. “I think you just managed to insult me twice, Spock.” He fired the phaser’s weak beam into the piece of metal and heated it. “Okay…” He held up the slim piece of metal carefully and approached Spock. “Alright, Spock, I just got one question.” He gently put his hand on the metal lodged in Spock. “What’s your favorite color?”

            Spock furrowed his brow. “I fail to see the relevance—!”

            Bones pulled the metal out and pressed the makeshift cauterizer into Spock’s side. The combined pain pulled a scream from Spock’s throat. But Bones had stopped the bleeding from continuing and killing Spock.

            Satisfied (and relieved, though he wouldn’t show that), Bones examined the metal that had pierced Spock before tossing it aside. “Yeah, they say it hurts less if it’s a surprise.”

            “If I may adopt a parlance with which you are familiar—” Spock raised his head tiredly “—I can confirm your theory to be ‘horseshit.’ ”

            Bones shook his head and nearly laughed, even in the situation they were in. After all, (Y/N) would be entertained by Spock, and that made Bones feel fond. (They were like his sibling. And Spock was the unlucky, almost brother-in-law that Bones would never stop going up against in a battle of wits).

            The soft hum of ships filtered through the air and over the winds. Bones furrowed his brow and looked around worriedly.

            “We got to get out of here,” he said. He pulled Spock up and put his arm around his shoulders (careful to avoid his hands). “Come on.”

            Spock’s weight was on him, but he tried to stand upright even as Bones supported him. They limped/stumbled towards an edge of the canyon with more cover, finding their way into a system of cliffs and small tunnels and caves.

            Spock pushed off Bones and used the walls to support himself as he recovered his strength. Bones grumbled about him straining himself but let him go. He instead focused on trying to communicate with literally anyone else from the Enterprise. Miraculously, his communicator had made it in the crash, so he tapped it as he opened up the channel.

            “McCoy to Enterprise. Come in,” he said. No response came, though. He frowned and snapped it closed. He glanced up to see Spock trying to move quickly through the canyon. “Hey, take it easy there, Spock. That was just a temporary fix back there.”

            “I understand, Doctor,” said Spock, wincing as he ducked under a cave entrance and faced it properly. “Fascinating.”

            “Ominous. Dark. Dangerous.” Bones offered his own adjectives for the situation.

            Spock just moved forward again, and Bones rolled his eyes. Everyone on the Enterprise was terrible at taking care of themselves, and Spock was one of the worst.

            “We’re going in,” muttered Bones, following Spock into the small cave.

            Except, as they stepped in, they found themselves in a carved room. It was not a natural cave but a room made by the people who lived (lived still?) on Altamid. Small holes let in light, and carvings on the structure spelled out its purpose, though they could not read it. A small podium sat in the center of the room for some sort of device.

            “Intriguing,” said Spock. “These symbols are the same as those depicted on the artifact taken in the attack.”

            “You think it came from here?” said Bones, looking around.

            “It would seem so,” said Spock. He tried to reach out and trace the symbols, but his wound ached. He groaned and fell back against the wall. Sliding down, he sat against it and clutched his side.

            “Damn it, Spock!” said Bones, cursing his friend’s inability to take care of himself (and he was worried). “Easy, easy.” He carefully moved Spock to not aggravate the wound.

            Spock blinked lazily, nearly falling unconscious as all the energy he’d used to escape and hobble in their caught up to him. Bones slammed him (lightly) across the face.

            “Spock! Wake up, dammit!” he cursed.

            “I am entirely conscious,” said Spock, and if he was anyone else, he would be grumbling. “I am simply contemplating the nature of mortality.”

            Bones let out a tired, aggravated sigh. But at least Spock wasn’t dying and felt alright enough to be stupidly intellectual. He sat down beside him. The sun was beginning to go down, and there was nothing else they could do for now but rest and not get caught. Then, Bones and Spock could try to find the others and save their friends.

            “Feeling philosophical, huh?” said Bones. “Massive blood loss will do that to you.”

            “Doctor, I contemplate it for another reason,” said Spock.

            Bones glanced at him.

            “Ambassador Spock has died,” said Spock, quieter than usual and he looked at Bones.

            The doctor blinked. Then he let out a breath and nodded. “Oh. That, uh, that would make me contemplate mortality, too. Spock, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”

            Spock inhaled shakily. With the blood loss and worry for (Y/N) and general confusion over everything going on, his composure was broken. “When you’ve lived as many lives as he…fear of death is illogical.”

            “Fear of death is what keeps us alive,” said Bones.

            Spock looked down as he contemplated the words. “I want to live as he did. He had a life he…loved. People he cared about. I wish for that, too.”

            “Well, you’ve got me. And Jim and Uhura and Sulu and Scotty and Chekov.” Bones (gently) smiled at Spock. “And (Y/N).”

            Spock smiled slightly, and Bones stared at the expression. “I want to marry them.” He couldn’t help but speak honestly.

            Bones’s eyes widened. “You’re going to ask (Y/N) to marry you?”

            Spock nodded. “I was going to before this mission, but we were interrupted.”

            “And now you’re worried,” said Bones, nodding. He nudged Spock slightly. “Don’t worry. (Y/N) will survive. If I know one thing about you two, you don’t leave one another behind. You fight to the end.”

            “(Y/N) has a self-sacrificing habit,” said Spock.

            “…True. But they also want to make it home to you alive,” said Bones. “No matter what, they want to be with you. It’s horribly sappy, but…it’s also sweet.”

            “I know our relationship is strange to some,” continued Spock, still spilling all of his thoughts as he sat there in pain. “…The Vulcans who informed me of Ambassador Spock’s passing also informed me that it would be more ‘logical’ to be with a Vulcan myself.”

            Bones looked at Spock sharply. “You’re not even considering that, right? I’m not above letting you bleed out here.”

            “Doctor, I confessed I wish to marry (Y/N). It would be illogical to assume I plan to leave them now,” said Spock.

            “Yeah, well, you also love logic,” grumbled Bones.

            “…I find it preferable to stay with (Y/N). It is illogical to them, but it is logical to me,” said Spock.

            “Well, as long as (Y/N) knows that, then you’re fine,” said Bones. He glanced at Spock. “You didn’t tell them people want you to leave them, did you?”

            Spock looked at him. “I am honest with (Y/N), why would I not?”

            Bones stared. “Tell me you told them you weren’t going to break up with them.”

            “I was about to ask them to marry me, so I assume they understood that I was about to ask them to move to another stage of our relationship,” said Spock.

            Bones nearly slapped Spock. “You’re an idiot, Spock. They obviously think you’re going to leave them for some sort of stupid ‘duty’ to Vulcan.”

            Spock blinked. “Why would I do that? I want to be with (Y/N).”

            “You told them you wanted to change your relationship after telling them people wanted you to break up with them for logic,” said Bones matter-of-factly.

            Spock stilled as he realized Bones was right. “Oh.” He looked at Bones. “That is not what I intended.”

            “Yeah, I know, because you love them,” said Bones. “You guys are so annoyingly in love.” He folded his arms. “Whatever. Just save them and propose to them and be sappy and that should save the situation. They’ll forgive you.” He leaned back and let the seriousness drop. After all, he knew Spock did love (Y/N), and they loved him. They were just both oblivious sometimes. “Hell, I don’t know what they’d do without you. Me, I’d throw a party.”

            Spock let out a light chuckle.

            “My god, you’re getting delirious,” said Bones, staring at Spock in horror at the expression of amusement.

            Spock just laughed louder.

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