#I love salads I don't know why I've been eating like shit lately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

la-princessaa · 1 year

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This is kind of a "probably better as an actual diary entry" post, but for some reason I write better when I'm posting on social media? I don't lose steam as fast, lol. So, if this sees the light of day, ayo. If not, then I hope that this can be a turning point. I hope I look back at this and am reminded that I am... Thought of and loved in ways my brain may choose to ignore too often.

I have not been doing well lately, I think that's just been my general statement for the last... Year and a half. Big life changes, general growing, current circumstances, etc etc. I've lost a tremendous amount of confidence in myself. I have not been treating myself well. Lately, it has been awful. I was better for a couple of months, and then I wasn't. I was okay. And then I got sick and couldn't really eat. And then I relapsed. I don't feel particularly like spelling it out, but I'm sure the jist is there. And now I can only really go a couple of weeks of feeling better.

I do not have confidence. Everything I do isn't for me, it's for people around me. I need to please my boyfriend so I can keep him, in many different contexts, or else. Which, is extremely untrue, as a disclaimer. He's told me many, many, many times that this is not the case. It's just hard trying to unlearn previous relationships where no matter what I did, I was never enough. Couple that in with learning that some things are just so easy to do now! and you've got yourself a one-way ticket to fucking up a lot of things. And it's been bad lately. I tell myself I have to try and get better, so I can be a better person for those who care about me because I love them and they don't deserve to be treated this way. They deserve to have things they tell me remembered, to have a functioning conversation partner, to have someone that won't internally cling to the ceiling at the words "where do you wanna eat?" or intentionally him and haw about where to eat in the hopes that they'll just pick something so i don't have to because I don't want to be a monetary inconvenience or have to figure out what I want to eat, which is two paths. Yadda yadda. To have someone that isn't afraid to take up space emotionally. I'm petrified of taking up space. Of inconveniencing people. Of having an outward opinion. Of being a person.

Lately, it has been bad. A few days of being better, and then I go back. "Nobody cares" thoughts are creeping in. Within the last week, I've bawled my eyes out 4-5 times because it's all just been so much and I don't care if this kills me, maybe it's better it does. I see the people who are supposed to care about me and I shrug them off. People make innocent comments and suddenly I'm arched and hissing like a cat, how dare you say that? Are you saying I'm not this thing? You're saying you'd like me to change, is that it? And then I'm meek and crying. Of course they're saying that, that's what they want me to be. Okay. Okay. I can do that for you. Just don't leave. Please. I'm so sensitive, it's awful, even for me because I know they don't mean comments like that. I don't want them to feel like they have to carefully watch every single word they say, but suddenly I'm exploding and hurting and they don't even know why. They couldn't even have prevented it.

I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know how to say help, I want to be nothing so people will love me. Help, I don't know how to have an opinion anymore. Help, I'll put up with anything. Help, I want to be a skeleton. Like, I thought about it the other day and I realized that I'm a prime target to be abused. I'm so grateful I'm with the man I am right now because holy shit. I'd be in dangerous territory if I wasn't. It's still a terrifying thought.

Anyway. This is half the point of this word salad. I needed to get everything I'm too afraid to say to people into the world because if I'm too quiet, I will die. Either metaphorically, or I will be leaving the people I love most with holes in their hearts. I've never typed that out, or said it. But now I'm finally really thinking about it, and I know I don't want to do that. I do not want to leave my sister, my boyfriend, my parents, my friends, my family, with one of the saddest stories in the world to tell. I do not want to be an "I had" person. Some days I think I do. But I realize that I don't want that, deep down. I don't want my sister to have to say "I had a sister, but she's gone now" or "when my sister was alive". I don't want that for her. I don't want to promise a future with my boyfriend and then be like, haha, sike. I don't want my parents to have to bury their daughter.

All because my sister bought me a cinnamoroll lip gloss. All because my cousin bought me the zero sugar strawberries and cream Dr Pepper. Because my boyfriend told me on Friday "do you want ice cream? I just wanna take you out somewhere" and a ton of other nice things alongside listening to me when I brought something up to him. It's the way my sister hugs me and the way I see her now. How beautiful and happy she looks. I don't want to steal that from her. It's the note that I put up from my best friend that tells me I'm loved. It's the crown on my shelf from my other best friend because she "thought I deserved one". It's the Christmas gifts from my long gone great grandma that all say "love you" on them and one calls me darling. It's the way my dad calls me by my special nickname and asks me if I wanna eat with him and my mom. It's the way my mom tells me about the movies she watches.

I want this to mark recovery. I want this to mark getting better. Currently, I'm not doing super great still. I'd like to do something unsavory because I still have this nagging thought that I should just make life easy for everyone else and be a prop in their lives. Either someone who does nothing but upkeeps the house, takes care of the dogs and then lays in their room and rots in their free time, or someone that'll make sex easy. You can do whatever you want, it's fine! I'll just weep and harm myself about it later. But it's fine if I hurt if you're happy. (Hard opposite of what the person I have sex with wants, disclaimer.)

I want to upend my entire life, right now. I want to lay and wallow and waste away. But I don't want my loved ones to be hurt more. And I just gotta keep that going until I'm on more even footing and can do things for me. I hope that after today, that voice will be a little bit quieter. I hope that I'll look at my lip gloss, and his stupid, sweet little cinnamoroll face and know that my sister saw him and thought of me. I don't want to make him a painful memory. He's too cute for that.

#sammy's random posts #ed tw #eating disorder tw #I don't know what else to tag this as #it's very heavy and involves food; insecurity; suicidal thoughts; sex mentions

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celiaelise · 2 years

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I feel like I have the stupidest combination of dietary hurdles in the world.

(**disclaimer: I am not calling these issues "stupid" as a way of being negative towards my body, myself, or anyone who might experience something similar. I am quite fond and appreciative of my body. I am only saying it because I think it is genuinely silly and ridiculous that my body so rejects such a fundamental part of its operation as taking in nutrients.)

Like:

picky eater (autism edition): not bad enough that people will realize unless I tell them, I can manage at most restaurants by finding the mildest thing on the menu. No fish, nothing spicy (cutoff starts at pepperoni, no I'm not kidding), very few sauces are acceptable, no toppings on anything. But I'm also just generally adverse to any food unfamiliar to me. I will get scared or freaked out. I have probably said the words, "plain and dry" at least a thousand times. I eat a lot of meat but I'm very particular about the texture.

ADHD: so I've already got that forget to eat/don't notice I'm hungry thing going, and then I'm also medicated, which actively suppresses my appetite, and, at the worst times, makes most food seem repulsive. (luckily that last part has been pretty rare since my main source of food stopped being a college dining hall)

Depressive symptoms/executive dysfunction: literally I just don't wanna do shit. I need food that requires the least possible effort. Sometimes I don't eat because I don't have a clean bowl to microwave canned food in. Also sometimes I just don't get around to buying food! I'll plan to grab food from a drive-through omw to work, but then end up running too late to make a stop. Cooking??? Love the concept, but it's absolutely out of the fucking question. Cannot even imagine a life where that is a frequent option for me.

okay here's where it gets even more stupid.

Lactose intolerance: again, not bad enough to where it's something I need to be vigilant about all the time. I can eat fast food pizza no problem, (I'm not convinced it has much real dairy in it anyway) I can eat regular ice cream with only mild gassiness. (and I do!) What I can't eat, is milk, milkshakes, protein shakes. You know, all those classic mental illness substinance hacks? Nope. Instant hurting tummy.

Oral allergy syndrome: a lot of people don't know about this, even those who might experience it. You know all those annoying seasonal allergies to, like, every living thing that grows outside? (I'm told that the area I live in is one of the worst for allergens in the country, and possibly the world. I haven't researched it myself though, and I've never lived elsewhere.) I have those pretty bad, and I'm already on medication for them. But it turns out that the proteins from those plants that trigger my allergies look pretty similar to the proteins in many forms of raw produce. And my body does not like that. I'm probably not going to start sneezing from standing near carrots, but I will feel an uncomfortable itch inside my throat and, what feels like, my inner ear if I eat more than a little of most kinds of raw fruits, vegetables, sometimes even nuts. It would be very hard for me to die this way, but it's also very hard for me to comfortably make my way through a salad. And what's that other go-to, "oh shit I didn't/don't have time to eat but my body still needs nutrients ahh" solution? That's right, smoothies!! Smoothies made out of raw fruits and veggies. 😑

So, yeah. That's why my diet's fucked up! I kind of just wanted to write all this out as validation to myself, but I'd definitely be interested if anyone else can relate, has suggestions, would like to express their condolences, etc.

Mostly I survive off of bread products, meat, and lots of different kinds of sweets. Oh, and fries. I specifically drink a lot of icees/slurpees/what have you. Cola flavor ONLY! It's like the only caffeine I ingest, and I don't even do it for the caffeine! If anything it makes me more sleepy. (I am already always sleepy, that a whole nother "stupid health problems" post.) I'm hoping to develop an easy and affordable way to reproduce the coke icee experience at home, probably with a blender, preferably without the caffeine. I don't think it could be that hard, but I haven't had much energy to put towards that project.

Similarly, I've started to look into things like lactose-free protein powder or protein bars, but I don't have a lot of energy for that research, and, as aforementioned, eating new and weird things scares me. Plus, specialty stuff like that tends not to be cheap! I think drinking new things is actually harder for me than eating them, tbh. I find powdered drink mixes generally unpleasant. The only things I can drink easily are water, and a few select sweet drinks, if they are very, very cold.

I actually have a consistent and specific craving for things that are sweet and very cold! I don't really know why. I know some people crave eating ice because of iron deficiency, and I'll not deny I've enjoyed a good ice crunch in my time, but it's really just that it has to be cold. And sweet. I used to keep popsicles on hand all the time, but I haven't gotten around to replenishing that supply in a few months.

I've also had this grand plan for several years of preparing a large batch of custom "trail mix" consisting of things like roasted pecans, dried fruits/berries, (idk what they do to process them, but they haven't triggered a reaction for me) and, of course, dark chocolate chunks. (I love chocolate sooo much, she is my mother, she is my best friend, she is everything to me.) But alas, little progress on that front as well.

I've actually even briefly considered trying to see a dietician, but the thing is that I absolutely do not trust them at all!! Like I'm sure there's a good one out there somewhere, but I am not going to waste my time finding them. These losers will be like, "ummm, so your BMI--" bitch, I'm stocky!!! I am short and squat and there is nowhere for fat or muscle, of which I have a considerable amount, to go!! BMI is quite literally fake bullshit science, please get off my back. Also I am just assuming they will not be respectful about the way my mental health impacts my eating habits. Most people just don't even wanna hear about that.

And of course there's just the thing where I am a young person, living on my own, in this specific place and time. Money is not abundant, support and community has to be fought for every step of the way, and sometimes it really feels like the world wasn't meant for those of us who aren't in a romantic relationship. (At least if you're not rich.) Like, you almost need at least two incomes and sets of hands per household in this economy.

#food #dietary restrictions #disordered eating #(idk if this counts but it's def not normal lol)#oral allergy syndrome #food allergies #lactose intolerance #adhd #actually adhd #autism #my life #my feelings #by elise #fun fact this why 'meatless Monday' and such makes me mad #like what can i eat then???#in general my rule is don't try and influence what anyone else is eating ever unless it's like going to hurt them #executive dysfunction

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wonunuu · 4 years

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𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 🎀 𝙟𝙤𝙨𝙝𝙪𝙖 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

fourteen:

Your feel your heart race and you breath getting heavier as you pace across your room, back and forth, while waiting for Joshua's call.

About an thirty minutes ago, you were sat on a chair in a corner in your room. On your right hand was a cup of apple juice, casually taking little sips as you read your book held by your other hand.

"I rolled up my sleeves and began to lather the shaving foam over his chin, all the way up to his ears. Then I hesitated, the blade over his chin. ‘Is this the moment to tell you i’ve only ever done legs before?’" You read your novel aloud out of boredom, acting as if you were the protagonist. After adjusting on your seat to feel more comfortable, you continue your book reading. "He closed his eyes, and settled back. I began to scrape gently at his skin with the blade, the silence brok-" DING. Your phone, placed on your desk across from you, buzzed. You placed your juice and book on the side, getting up to fetch your phone. You open it and you see that it's a text from Joshua.

joshua ?: just got home from work. i'll just take a short shower then i'll call you okay?

you: yeah! take your time :)

joshua ?: okay. talk to you soon hon 💜

you: yeah ttys!

'What if he asks about my voice? Will he find out?' Thoughts filled your head as you wait for his call. You plop yourself on your bed and go under your soft duvet with your phone still in hand. Trying to get comfortable, you place your pillows vertically against your headboard. Leaning back against the now soft headboard, thanks to your pillows, a sigh escapes your mouth. While you sit in that position for a good two minutes, you decide to switch. You put your pillows back in their proper place and layed down on your stomach with elbows on the pillow. You stayed like that for another two minutes, and as you were about to change your position, you hear your phone ring. You pick up your phone and answer. "Hello?" Silence. "Hello?" You repeat. Silence. "Joshua?"

"Oh! Sorry. It's just- I just feel happy to finally hear your voice after such a long time. I almost forgot what you sounded like." he replied through the phone. Relieved, you release a long breath that you have been holding in since he called. You were glad that he didn't notice the different tones between you and Minseo, but you also felt a pang guilt in your chest as lying to him was harder now that you developed feelings for him.

"How was work?" You started the conversation. "Tiring," he whines. "I usually go to the bar to sing, but there were a lot of people today, he needed some extra hands. You hear him let out a shirt grunt, guessing that he just plopped himself on his bed, like you did awhile ago. You get uo from your bed and head to your chair at the corner of your room, deagging your blanket with you.

"How was your day?" He asks you. His voice sounded hoarse, probably from his long day at work. "Nothing much. I didn't go out today. Lazy day, you know?" You repsponded with a giggle. You hear him let out a chuckle at your statement. "That's good. It's nice to have some lazy days sometimes." You nodded in agreement, but remembered that he couldn't see you so you gave him a 'mhmm'.

"We rarely talked like this before. You know, just simple and casual." He continued. "It's kind of refreshing if you know what I mean. We never really got a lot of time before to talk like this due to out busy schedule." Despite the long distance between you two, you can feel his longing and yearning for Minseo, and you can't help but feel bad. You try to change to the topic by asking him if he had eaten, which worked as he answered your question. He said he ate chicken at the bar and when he got home, he made himself some ramen. He asks you the same question, you replied. "Yeah! I had salad and some coke."

"Oh. Nice combination. Must've been real good!" He remarks, sarcastically, then letting out a laugh. Hearing his laugh also made you laugh, but the he suddenly gets quiet. You notice his silence, you immediately stop laughing. 'Shit.'

"Your laugh." he mutters, making your heart accelerate in fear of getting caught. "What about it?" You tittered, in attempt to hide your nervousness. "I don't think I've heard you laugh. You never made a sound while laughing before."

'Ah. So Minseo was one of those who laughed silently.' You thought.

"Actually, I feel insecure with my laugh. Hence why I've always prevented from making a sound when laughing." You lied, hoping that it was good enough and that he would buy it. "Insecure? You don't need to feel insecure about your laugh. I think it's the cutest laugh I've ever heard." He comments. You feel butterflies in your stomach at his compliment. "You're just saying that because I'm your girlfriend." You joked, biting your bottom lip as you figeted with your book from earlier. You hear him let out a laugh. "Maybe?" He played along, "No, I'm just kidding hon. From now on, laugh freely around me. I want to hear that pretty laugh of yours." He tells you. sincerely.

Your call with Joshua lasted for about four hours. It consisted of exchanging jokes, laughs, and a whole bunch of flirting. In those four hours, you learned a lot about him, just the simple general things, nothing too deep. You learned that he liked horror movies, and that he enjoyed drinking wine and eating cheese. He also said he preferred red over white wine, which you had to disagree because white is the superior wine. You also learned that he has a hobby of making bracelets and necklaces. You found that cute and endearing as you haven't met a person in their 20s who liked to make bracelets as a hobby, let alone admit to doing it. He said gives them to his family members and friends. He also said he would also make one for you if you like. You couldn't refuse, so you tell him your favourite colours and favourite flower-- he said he would use it as a 'charm'.

The four hour call with him felt magical, and made you fall for him deeper. Your fear of him leaving and shutting you out after finding out the truth increased. 'I'm sorry Joshua, I really am.'

-----------------------------------

⤷ you receive a text from a guy meant for the woman he once loved, unaware of the fact that she is already long gone. you decide to play along because well, you're bored.

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finally decided to pick my ass up and capitalize my text 😌 also sorry for the late update,, i was quite busy today 🤧

taglist:

@instantthingpieprofessor @mvltimoon @fluffysoonyoungs @mariecoura

dm or ask to be added to the taglist!

#seventeen #seventeen texts #seventeen fluff #svt au #svt #seventeen social media au #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt texts #seventeen fanfic #seventeen au #seventeen scenarios #joshua x reader #seventeen joshua #svt joshua

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mochilici0us · 4 years

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One New Message | jjk (4)

➳ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst, thriller, stalker au

➳ 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: Skye realizes she has to deal with a ruthless stalker when the messages she’s constantly receiving are getting more and more threatening. A stalker that makes her recall memories of the past she swore she would never rake up again

➳ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2,5k

prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

April 2013

''Skye can you pass me the milk please?'' my father kindly requests while we enjoy our breakfast. They enjoy to be exact. I can hardly take part in their conversation, my mind is away.

My eyes can't stop following her skinnier, exhausted figure moving from the kitchen to the dining haul and serving breakfast.

Something's up these days, she avoids eye contact with me at all costs, we haven't even talked properly. She's acting cold towards me just muttering a few weak goodmornings and goodnights. Yeah, those are the only words I've exchanged with my ''best friend'', not even a little talk to catch up with each other's news.

''Ruby can you fetch me some honey?'' my mother yells so that Ruby listens from the kitchen. A few seconds after she appears holding a jar of honey. Even her walk is stiff, I'm genuinely concerned about her health.

''Here you are'' I'm sure she can feel my burning gaze as she leaves the honey on the table and finally after a week our eyes meet.

Shit, she looks so pale, dark circles under her red eyes, chipped lips, I can even practically see her facial bones. To my surprise she doesn't look annoyed or angry. She just glances at me tiredly, as if she had quit living.

My piercing gaze on the other hand is anything but calm and sympathetic. She's clearly sick, something's eating her alive and instead of sharing her concerns with me she stays away?

Our eye contact lasts only for a few seconds but it's strong enough to show my restrained rage.

She realizes it immediately, averts her gaze and leaves like the coward she is.

''This weekend I'm leaving on an unexpected business trip'' my father announces and takes a sip of his coffee right after

''Again? You were on a business trip last week'' my mother fires back

''Do you think it's up to me? For your information I'd rather stay home and relax with my family''

''I don't mean it's your fault I just...''

''You make me feel terrible every time I have to tell you about a businesstrip. I can't talk to my family without restrictions anymore Christen''

''Ok I'm sorry don't get mad'' my mother lowers her eyes and apologises quickly before my father gets more angry.

Sometimes I admire my dad. He's so manipulative but not in a bossy way, he always prevails upon my mother with sensible arguments, voice laced with sweetness.

He's so diplomatic, no doubt he has built such a great career

''Darling why are you not eating?'' my mother remarks as I fiddle with the spoon. The bowl of granola cereals is untouched.

''I have no appetite. I have to go to school anyway, I'm late'' I pretendto study my watch and stand up

''Do you want me to come with you?'' my father suggests

''Nο it's ok I can walk''

''Skye are you sure everything's ok?'' I hear my mother's voice as I head towards the living room to grab my backpack.

''I'm fine mum I just didn't sleep well. See you later''

As I'm about to exit alone Ruby appears out of nowhere. Her body posture screams nervousness.

''You didn't eat your breakfast'' she speaks quietly biting her already chopped lips

She's been avoiding me for a week and now she pretends to be a thoughtful friend. She made me feel depressed, cry myself to sleep thinking what the hell I did wrong and now she plays dumb?

I just stay still without answering, my intense eyes glued to her wandering ones. She doesn't even dare to look at my eyes.

She clears her throat ''Here''she takes a fresh hand-made sandwich out of her pocket and extends her hand. I eye her hand without moving an inch.

''You can eat it instead. You look like a sceleton'' I spit my venom and walk out of my house without sparing her a glance.

It was too late when I realized what I had said.

''I love spaghetti but my mother never cooks. My dad says she cooks terrible but that's a secret'' Grace's friend Lisa whispers and pretends to seal her lips. She's so cute.

''Don't worry your secret is safe''

She nods and digs into her food again. Under other circumstances I wouldn't have cooked but today Susan picked up both Grace and Lisa so I couldn't disoblige her. Her puppy eyes gave me enough courage to get up and cook even though I'm still in a cast.

The three of us are sitting in the dining table and enjoying my home-made bolognese spaghetti. I was never good at cooking, I couldn't cook to save my life to be exact but I had to learn how for Grace. So I practiced and practiced till I reached my goal, I didn't want to become the new master chef, just learn how to cook some basic things so that Grace eats home-made food. In the beginning I would constantly fail but practice makes perfect.

''Eat your veggies as well girls'' I gesture at the bowl of salad.

They both nod like good girls and do as I say. They're so freaking adorable. Lisa has short black hair with bangs and chocolate brown eyes. She's small but taller than Grace. She comes by often, most of the times I pick her up from school as well since Grace and her are classmates.

Her favorite foods are spaghetti, steak with baby potatoes and vegetable fried rice. Let's not forget my signature fruit smoothie which I always serve with vanilla frosting cupcakes.

We always sit and eat together, exchanging news, telling jokes. I really enjoy their interactions, they look like two tiny dumplings.

"What did you do in school today?" I ask intertwining my fingers

"We drew our dream gardens, mine has a huge swimming pool" Lisa hurries to answer

"Mine has a plenty of colorful flowers and a big telescope on the center to admire the stars. And the Sky. Sky as we say Skye" Grace jokes shyly, puffing her flushed cheeks. Lisa bursts into a laughter once she gets the joke.

"Good one Grace" I wink at my little sister who resembles a puppy waiting for a praise.

After a while we're finally done with the food. I really missed cooking and eating my own food, Susan cooks pretty decently as well but I was craving so bad for some of my spaghetti.

''Did you enjoy your meal girls?'' I eye the empty plates

''Yeah!''they both cheer

''Go to play now while I prepare your fruits''

The two small kitties obey and walk towards the room wiggling their small butts. I can't help but chuckle at them.

My eyes land on the dirty dining table as I sigh disappointed, washing the dishes is definitely the worst part of cooking and eating. No matter how much I enjoy preparing food and trying new recipes, the process of cleaning after is terrible. I'm going to wash the dishes later I think and slowly proceed to my big kitchen to cut fruits for the girls, my hands holding the crutches tight.

Being on my feet isn't the best idea whatsoever but tomorrow I'm having my cast removed so my ankle is pretty much healed.

I go for strawberries, bananas and pears and also pick two colorful bowls.

As I already mentioned tomorrow I'm having my cast removed. My stomach twitches in anticipation. Will he be there? Two weeks have passed but I still find myself thinking of him before sleeping even though the picture of him is blurry and distant. Just a memory, a distant picture of him is enough to keep me up at night...

I brush away these thoughts and throw the fruits into the bowls, adding some honey on top and voila! A quick and healthy sweet fruit salad.

"Girls come on" I yell and wait for the two little ones to arrive, trying to distract my mind from unwanted thoughts.

What I know for sure is that tomorrow is a big day....

"You're finally able to walk again, I'm so happy'' Susan cheers and hugs me tight as we exit the hospital. Unfortunately I didn't have my cast removed by the pretty doctor, he didn't even appear to be exact.

Disappointed but not suprised

The young cute nurse was there though, she recognized me and even greeted me, I was THIS close to ask about him but my pride didn't allow me.

''How are you feeling?'' Her hand strokes my back

''Weird'' I respond eyeing my healed ankle ''I was used to walking on crutches''

Indeed last 2 weeks I would only walk using my crutches, they had become a part of my routine. I certainly feel better now though, well-rested,healthy, ready to return to reality.

''Let's go, I'm treating you to brunch.. There are so many things we have to catch up on after''

''W-what do you mean?'' I stutter scared because I have a feeling that I already know her answer

''Shopping therapy of course''

Oh no...

''Susan are you kidding I just removed my cast''

''Sweetheart you know I wouldn't drag you along unless I had a reason. Next Tuesday is Yoongi's birthday party, we have to get our outfits''

''Yoongi's birthday...'' I scratch my sculpt looking at her sheepishly''I totally forgot, I'm sorry''

''It's ok, you're coming anyway''

''What about-''

''Taehyung's gonna take care of your sister don't worry'' she cuts me off as if she had read my thoughts

I nod, it's rude to deny the invitation

''Yoongi's friends are really handsome and some of them are single so don't think you're getting off. We have to find a cute outfit for you as well... now let's eat'' I roll my eyes but agree rubbing my stomach that hasn't stopped rumbling and finally get in her car .

''It's stunning'' I examine the purple midi dress Susan's holding. The material is silk, it appears glamorous, expensive and the embellished straps detail completes the look.

''Should I try it on?'' she hesitates

''Of course, purple looks amazing on you'' That's true, the contrast between her ginger hair, green eyes and the purple colour is definitely unique. Purple flatters every single of her characteristics.

''Let's find something for you'' her eyes wander around the store

''I gained weight these days so I should go for something baggy''

''No Skye, you should go for something sexy yet sick that emphasizes your cleavage. Your boobs got bigger, thankfully'' she whispers the last word and rolls her eyes

''Susan'' I whisper yell covering my breasts with my hands ''Did they?'' I rethink my friend's comment. Indeed I've noticed a slight development. This whole weight gaining story had a positive result at least.

Once I realise where my hands are and how the rest of the customers look at me probably thinking I'm a horny pervert I instantly lower them and grab the first dress I lay my eyes on.

''This one is perfect yes'' Susan practically runs towards me ''It's very elegant and the lace detail makes it sensual. You're definitely trying it on''

I take a closer look at the dress I picked out on random. It's certainly cute, off shoulder, midi, black with lace but tight as hell

''Isn't it way too tight? I think it's gonna accentuate every single bloated part of my body''

''Try it out you have nothing to lose. Besides the party is in 5 days, you have plenty of time to search for a dress''

''There's no way I'm going through this again. It's either today or I'm coming wearing my Pjs'' I announce and make my way to the fitting rooms determined. I can hear Susan mumbling a few curses, probably blaming me for being grumpy and stubborn.

''Excuse me'' an assistant approaches us

''There's only one fitting room available. I'm afraid you have to wait for a while''

''No problem, Susan you go first''

''Are you sure?''

I nod and sit in the comfortable blue chair that matches the rest of the decoration and furnishings of the store.

This showroom is excellently designed, the minimal yet eccentric blue décor casts an air of originality as the majority of stores follow a consistent pattern. No wonder it's Susan's favorite showroom, modern decor, excellent service and the clothing here is feminine, figure-friendly just like the dress I'm holding.

I'm so absorbed in gaping at the interior decoration that I don't notice my friend standing in front of me.

''Hey, earth to Skye'' she wiggles her fingers in front of my face

''Sorry'' I take my time studying her figure. ''I really like it. It's ideal for your body type and the colour is gorgeous''

The violet silk dress looks perfect on her, the semi tight fit shows up her toned silhouette, the swarovski embellished spaghetti straps together with the V neck flaunt her beautiful collarbones.

''I think it looks lovely too'' the cheerful, helpful assistant comments

''Yeah I like it'' she stares at the mirror

''You can use that fitting room'' the girl gestures at an empty room smiling. How are they always so kind and happy?''It's free now''

''Thank you'' I smile back and give a long sigh standing up from the soft chair.

Reluctantly I undress myself and wear the cute midi dress. It's tight but not as much as I expected. Well it's not that bad after all, I still need Susan's opinion though and a closer look in the big mirror. A few seconds later I'm out and heading for the mirror.

''Wow'' Susan talks ''It looks... stunning''

The dress hugs my body flawlessly, emphazising my curves. The off-shoulder design is very cute but sexy at the same time because my cleavage is shown off perfectly and I'm not even wearing a push up bra. I never thought I'd look that attractive in a dress.

''It fits you like a dream. You're definitely buying it'' Susan insistsand the assistant agrees

It's elegant yet sexy. Sexy in a non provocative way since it shows off only the right places.

''I think I'm getting this one'' I finally decide and Susan winks excitedly

''Hurry up we have to go for heels as well''

''Heels? Ha'' A humorless laugh leaves my lips

''You're laughing? What are you planning to wear with this dress then?'' she crosses her arms.

Her question catches me off guard but I act cool ''Flats? I don't care, anything but heels''

She laughs sarcastic lifting a shaped eyebrow ''Flats? If you plan to wear flat shoes on my husband's party I inform you that you're not invited''

I simply pout, my eyes pleading for mercy

''Come on Skye it's a party, a bussines kinda party you don't have to walk or dance. You can deal with heels under these circumstances I'm sure''

''Okay'' I sigh defeated meeting her gaze. There's no point in agruing, she's right I need heels with the apparel I chose.

''Hurry up then'' she scolds and enters the fitting room.

Have I mentioned how much I hate shopping with my best friend?

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