#I might delete this later I just needed to get this off my chest

[kittycak3s]

I hate that I'm being made responsible for coping with and "forgiving" abusive behavior just to protect myself.

I'm tired of being fucking "understanding". I'm tired of my survival being dependent on how much I'm able to take. I'm tired of being treated like dog shit for no reason.

[kuroiyuki96-art]

I don’t know how after seeing the beginning of the new episode people still complain about Shadow being “too aggressive, too angry”

He was locked out, unable to do anything as he watched his world break apart. He tried to get Sonic to listen several times but kept getting ignored. And if we take Prime being cannon, I can’t imagine how a guy that has lost everything before would be completely calm after all what happened.

The sheer anger and frustration conveyed in the beginning reached me and I felt really bad for him. He this time, was the right amount of angry. We got to see some amazing fights, and the moment Sonic listened, he actually stopped punching. He even offered to work together when that seemed like the best option. What more do people want?

[xskyll]

I just need to vent. Someone made a podfic of one of my fics a short while back. Yesterday, they told me they were monetizing their channel and asked permission to put ads on their podfic of my story. I'm very glad they asked permission, so I could say no, but all the same, I can't help but feel so angry. I would never go to someone and say, "Hey, do you mind if I make money reading aloud your story that you spent months and months slaving over, while you don't make a single cent? Do you mind if I throw ads on this thing you poured your soul into, turning your love letter to fandom into another cog in the capitalist money machine?" I just imagine someone listening to my description of Shouto fighting Bakugou and listening to him bare his soul about his toxic behaviors—I scene I tried to craft with such care—and just before Izuku kisses Shouto's black eye, an ad for a Kia plays.

Part of me is wondering if I'm overacting—I know some people would say, 'it's just fanfiction, calm down'—but a larger part of me is like, "The absolute gall! YOU making money using MY heart???"

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

I just realised today that it’s been over 8 years since I published my first piece of reader insert fanfiction (not for DL but it laid the groundwork for what was to come) and it’s absolutely crazy to me. I don’t know that I’ve talked about it on this blog much (for it was not good by anyone’s standards) but I used to publish on Quotev and I made a couple of friends on there who really helped me when I was going through a hard time in real life (not that I think any of them necessarily realised how much :’) ). Sadly we all sort of drifted away from the site and lost contact but I still think about them sometimes and hope that wherever they are they’re doing well. 

I miss our little community on there too and the silly conversations we used to have, as while I don’t think Tumblr ever quite had the same vibe, I do think it’s grown a lot more impersonal over the years (or at least that’s certainly been my experience). 

Anyway I don’t know that there’s much of a point to this other than me reminiscing but if we’ve interacted at some point while I’ve been running this blog, or even if you just silently like a lot of my posts (because believe me, there are usernames I recognise even if we’ve never properly talked), then I’m grateful and I hope that you’re happy and doing well.

[trossards]

i’m on a teambuilding with work and argued with two co-workers about palestine and isr*** and it was so fucked up i was shaking so bad i almost spilled my tea AND started crying so if anyone can give advice on how to discuss this topic without getting so emotional and wanting to slap people in the face i’d gladly take it

[vulcannic]

this is the third time this year there’s been an emergency on my street where a fire tuck and police cars had to park outside my house and i gotta say!! i’ve discovered this is a big trigger for me!!!

[misteria247]

I'm gonna vent for a moment cuz I'm honestly just......at my mental limit. Please feel free to ignore this.

Do you ever feel like that no matter what you do, it's never enough or it's always wrong?

It's a terrible feeling. And I've been feeling it a lot lately when it comes to my little sister. For awhile now she's seemed to be.....rather mean towards me. It's like anything I do gets on her nerves and she snaps or yells at me or gets cruel with her words. Usually I try to not let it bother me, due to her having bipolar disorder and because I'm the eldest and she's 21 and it'd be foolish to get into petty fights over it. At most if it gets too much I try to talk to her but she doesn't really take it seriously so I just let it go. But today.......

I don't know but today just seems like it's officially gotten to me. It started with this morning. My sister had mentioned something about being tough and from the city and needing a hoodie saying she was so and I'd jokingly said that it'd be false advertisement because she's a country girl, her boyfriend even joining a bit in the joke. And almost immediately she just......went straight for my throat. Started saying that I was ignorant as fuck and that I just piss her off and the usual spiel. Now this wouldn't bother me too much, as like usual when she gets like this I leave the room we share, which is what I did with my coffee to avoid conflict. But it was when I'd went into our room that I heard her talking to our mom and her boyfriend.

She......basically said I was an ignorant bitch. And then shortly after I hear the three of them get into a conversation and then I hear it. My mom and my sister's boyfriend making similar jokes like I did.....and......and she'd laughed along with them and joked right back. As soon as I heard that I just........it took everything to keep from tearing up. Because it hurt, it hurt that she'd say those things about me and yet turn around and laugh at the same jokes when someone else says them.

I think at that moment it just became clear that......that the problem was just me. And as I type this now (because again she'd snapped at me but for the shower cuz I told her to not use all the hot water) and think about this entire day I can't help but wonder......if there's just something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? Does she just.....not want to have a relationship with me?? I know it's silly to get upset over this but I'm just so tired of trying with her ya know? I love my little sister too death but........sometimes I just wish she'd be nicer. That she cared enough to see that she's hurting me.

Today's just been an absolute struggle for me to really handle mentally. And I tried to not let it get to me but obviously it is. I'm just tired of being the one getting yelled at. And our mom's getting sick of it too.

[divinemackerel]

Like ok I’m probably not the one to call folks out on this but my judgement for bedrock bros twt mains is unsurmountable at times. If you want a definition of flanderization and deviation from the plot. They’re right there.

They are probably the closest tbh out of all the sbi combos to folks just writing about, straight up ocs? Or in the worst cases writing uncomfortably close to this warped version of rpf. And I say that because I don’t think I’ve ever read a bedrock bros fic where it’s written ABOUT their characters.

I know the whole point of fanfiction is to explore possibilities, but in bedrock bros fics I feel like Tommy is always woobified or in some way like- unable to care for himself because frostbite made him lose a foot and/or he passed out in the snow from blood loss or something. He’s just a sopping wet creature with no bark or bite, a traumatized punching bag for the plot.

Meanwhile Techno is uncharacteristically caring, while in canon he basically is the first person to not believe Tommy. He is not cTechno, he sometimes isn’t even vaguely anarchical, he is just the idea of someone caring for someone else, with the motifs of the character his cc portrayed in videos sprinkled in.

Yes, the line between cTechno and “cc”Techno was more blurred than with other members of cSBI, or even other members of the DSMP in general, as lore was never seemed too serious with him, but like, idk how to stress the fact I don’t think I’ve ever read a bedrockbros fic ABOUT cTechno and cTommy.

You can have your own interpretations about the two, sure, but Techno literally said “he goes away for two weeks then comes back and makes everyone feel bad for him” about Tommy and his Exile.

He also (albeit jokingly) called after to Dream when he left after looking for Tommy, for him to “take him back”, and he (iirc) knew at that point that something bad had happened in exile.

AND GOD DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DOOMSDAY OR THE 16TH.

Like- I don’t know. I don’t understand bedrockbro mains, especially on twitter, because 98% of the time they’re never writing or talking about bedrockbros, just these weird flanderized beyond recognition versions of them. Or like I said, in the worst cases, a bit more than borderline rpf than usual.

[whatisthismandoinghere]

Random thought for the day:

Something that just drives me insane is the way people throw around the word "fascist"

I mean nowadays the word has completely lost its meaning and it's pretty much used as a last ditch, I don't have anything more to contribute to the conversation but I need to have the last laugh, insult. It's just plain stupid, I don't know how else to describe it

You could probably go around asking people if they knew what it meant and most of them wouldn't be able to tell you. If you wanna go around dropping the word fascist into your conversations I feel like you should know what it means and how to use it properly

Sorry to bore you all with my rambles, hope you have a lovely day/night

[formationlapsz]

I feel so angry for no apparent reason today like every single thing irritates me idk why this keeps happening and I also got this extreme feeling of escapism I just want to leave I got no idea where, I just want to go

[bumblingbee1]

:( (See tags for warnings)

Whenever i find a lesbian-culture post relatable, I can’t help but to hate myself for not figuring this out sooner. My imposter syndrome keeps coming back to bite me in the ass, accusing me of “faking it for attention”. But then I ask myself: “What attention?” The main reason I keep this to myself (IRL) is to be left alone to figure it out.

Exactly like how my process of coming to terms with being autistic was a few years back.

I feel like shit for not realizing the comforting feeling that comes with the idea of being romantically intimate with a woman until recently. It felt like a flipping “Eureka!” moment when I first realized it!! Like it somewhat made sense...

When I imagine myself with a girlfriend, bringing her to meet family and friends... Everyone is happy, including me! 

Hopefully one day I get to a point and forgive myself.

[moonlightsylph]

You are tired.

You are so tired but you can't sleep. Not with the weight on your ribs slowly compressing down.

There is nothing there though, nothing actually sitting there. But you feel it all the same. The same old sadness that sneaks up on you when you haven't had a long conversation with people in a long time. Nothing beyond comfortable silence and asking if they are okay when it's all too quiet.

You used to be able to talk for hours about anything and everything, no matter how mush brained you got because it was far too late in the night. It was fun, freeing almost, it was noise and warm and home.

But then we all grew up some more, life changed, people pass and others move on. You don't know when you started to feel the weight but you can pinpoint it to a single moment of loss where you noticed it. You thought it was just grief and mourning.

Maybe it was. Maybe it was...

But now you lay in bed and wonder if it's all worth it in the end. If you have grown and changed as well or if you are still the same child you were before. Immature and childish that clings to silly things, just to make the nights easier. To pretend everything is alright.

Are you as annoying as you think, as you listen to yourself in repeat in your mind. Are you really a part of anything meaningful or just a distraction that is merely put up with.

Maybe you are just hungry and tired, thinking the world hates you and you hate yourself. You should sleep, or drink some water.

But you know if you sleep now, while the weight is still there, you will dream of things lost and cry until awake again. You feel alone in those times.

But you are tired. Sleep is going to come regardless because you have work to do in the morning. You will be far too tired if you don't.

So sleep. Sleep and let the feelings go. At least there, in the dreams, no one can hurt you or judge you from imaginary silences.

Sleep

It will be better in the morning. No one hates you for being here.

[no1ryomafan]

Yknow what really fucking peeves me but I see all the time in fandom that is probably semi controversial for saying this? When old fans feel the need to unnecessarily be fucking gatekeepy about someone getting into a series from its newer entry because “it sucks” “it ruined the series”.

I don’t mean to be this person because I know sometimes there can be a really awful iteration of something new but holy FUCK can you guys stop being such fucking babies about it. You are making people who like older parts of a series but doesn’t mind newer fans entering from the latest stuff all look bad-because guess what? Not all older fans hate the new thing!-it’s fucking embarrassing and I hate how I see this constantly no matter where the fuck I go unless I do happen to like something that hasn’t gotten shit in literal years. It’s fine to be disappointed but don’t take it out on newbies, you’re just making them not wanna try a series past what they’ve already seen.

It’s not welcoming, your just fucking toxic.

[moonlightfoxs-cantina]

Long rant incoming:

I loathe online classes so much. I got accepted into so many good universities in my state after high-school graduation but I got rejected from the one in my hometown. So my parents told me to go to community college. They didn’t want me to move out. I take all online classes because I don’t know how to drive. I have a permit and I know the basics of driving but I need a lot of practice before I take the test. And my parents absolutely REFUSE to take me practice driving. Like my dad makes his own excuses and my mom makes her own excuses. They only wanna take me when I’m busy studying. Other times they just don’t even bother. I’m about to turn 20 in February and I feel like I’m wasting my life because of online classes. All I do is stay home, do my classes, go to work, come back home, study, sleep. I don’t have any friends at all because of this. I have to take Ubers to work because I can’t drive and I’m spending most of my earnings on that. It’s so so so frustrating. Like I know I have so much potential. I’m doing good in my classes but If I was taking face to face I would be doing so much better. I’m struggling in chemistry because it involves a lot of math and I need to take a math class in person in order to do good. I wanna learn to drive so bad because I plan on doing so much stuff next year and transfer to university and I need to learn driving for that. But my parents just don’t have faith in me. I wanna scream, sob and cry my heart out. I hate it so much. I feel so utterly alone and helpless. All I want is some motivation, encouragement and love. Is that too much to ask for ? Especially from my parents.