#I need more wine and less sleep for this istg

[pseudowho]

I swear to god, I blinked, and now there are Mahoraga fuckers???

???

???!?!?

[starstruckmoony]

style.

masterlist

pairing - sirius black x fem!reader

summary - you and sirius start dating after accidentally running into each other at a concert but confirm nothing (till now), just to watch everyone lose their shit online.

trope/tags - band/celeb!au, instagram/social media!au, modern!au, fluff, terrible humour

word count - 1k

warnings - language

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

yourusername added to their story

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, ev.rosier, marymacdonald and 856,327 others

starmanblack shades

26,013 comments

yourusername cigarette*

starmanblack ok duolingo

yourusername smash tbh

starmanblack not you copying my comment

yourusername i don't have the rizz it takes to come up with something original

starmanblack ain't no way you just said that

prongsyboy stop stealing people's glasses 😤

starmanblack never

vance_emm i'm like ragingly gay but you're kinda cute

starmanblack this is why you're my favourite lesbian

mmmckinnon TRAITOR

mmmckinnon it's not too late to delete this

starmanblack get out of my comment section

user828181 address the rumours sirius

user000423 run me over with your car i promise i'll pay for the damages 🙏

user627477 YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN US ANY ANSWERS

user999653 i'm perfect wife material, just saying

user424227 y'all realise that he's less likely to address the rumours if we keep being annoying 💀

user209996 nah fr he's gonna start hating us all

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, prongsyboy, pandorasbox and 899,997 others

yourusername never would have though that my shows in dublin would be the craziest ones out of all but you guys actually delivered and i couldn't be happier! 💕 these past three nights were absolutely insane and i can't wait to be back (and i may or may not have already booked a few venues 😩) PLUS someone got proposed AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE 😭 so if any of you beautiful people who were there have the video my dms are open for business lmao 🙏💞

tagged ev.rosier

27,664 comments

starmanblack apparently the proposal happened right next to me 💀

yourusername BABE HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE?

starmanblack CAUSE YOU WERE BETTER THAN THE PROPOSAL

starmanblack my guitar ate as always

yourusername she's even signed 😱

starmanblack slay 😝

yourusername GO TO SLEEP OMG

starmanblack say it to my face 😤

xeno_lovegood i had so much fun

yourusername i'm smiling so hard rn

pete__ sirius is a certified simp because how do you miss a proposal that's happening next to you?

mmmckinnon it's because he's both sirius and a simp petey

prongsyboy sirius doing sirius things 🤣

user552520 dunno bout y'all but i got my confirmation tonight

user073789 YOU WERE SO GOOD OH MY GOD

user843632 i'm so lonely the proposal made me cry

user439546 love me some sappy shit fr

user674848 this was un fucking real no joke

user993455 SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE RUMOURS I'M BEGGING

user200017 learn to read between the lines lol

starmanblack added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, bellatrixieb, cissy_blck and 901,077 others

yourusername date night ⭐

29,208 comments

starmanblack pretty dress

yourusername why thank you

starmanblack my stomach feels funny from all that wine

yourusername my precious toilet 😭

marymacdonald gorgeous!!!

yourusername i was impersonating you

vance_emm AND SHE SAYS SHE HAS NO RIZZ

ev.rosier am i about to get fired?

yourusername of course not, you're my second favourite person

starmanblack i'm first

pandorasbox my friends are all so beautiful 🥺

yourusername us hot people stick together 😌

pandorasbox ONG

user329295 sirius is so lucky

user400128 i've never been more jealous of a man

user006272 IS THIS OUR CONFIRMATION?

user883265 mother is mothering

user306084 THE STAR

user243123 if this is another sike istg

user727211 I THINK IT'S NOT A DRILL ANYMORE

user492932 Y/N WE JUST NEED A SIMPLE YES OR NO DON'T DO THIS TO US

starmanblack

❤ liked by mmmckinnon, ev.rosier, casmeadowes and 916,222 others

starmanblack platonic snog

36,775 comments

yourusername people just don't appreciate friendships nowadays 🙄

starmanblack it's just so so sad 😣

yourusername i have better photos of us 👹

starmanblack strongly disagree

yourusername you don't wanna make this a competition

marymacdonald my mum said friends don't do that

starmanblack mama macdonald may be onto something

r.a.black affection 🤮

starmanblack i thought you unfollowed me?

r.a.black i did but i like lurking around here

starmanblack fan behaviour

rjlupin best friend things

prongsyboy HEY I'M HIS BEST FRIEND

rjlupin you were supposed to play along

user020226 MOTHER OF GOD IS THIS REAL

user366232 HDJQJDJQDJQ MY DELUSIONS WEREN'T DELUSIONS

user500447 you still need therapy

user432777 AIN'T NO WAY

user718710 I DIED DEAD.

user907015 GADHQHDQUDJQXJQDJQ I CAN'T FUCKING CATCH MY BREATH

user138282 are you still alive?

user907015 NO

user882446 this and platonic don't go together sirius 🙄

yourusername

❤ liked by walburgablack, cissy_blck, bellatrixieb and 933,052

yourusername pda is afraid of him

39,457 comments

starmanblack FINE you have better photos

yourusername see? that wasn't so hard to admit!

starmanblack i actually won in life

yourusername damn right you did

starmanblack celeb_gossip losing their minds rn

yourusername the kettle is B R E W I N G 🥵🫖🤩👀😳☕😝😻

bartyyy I KNEW BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE HAHA

yourusername well you're the favourite child...

lily_evans kinda illegal how you're both so hot

casmeadowes i've been saying!!!

cissy_blck REG'S SISTER IN LAW 😭

bellatrixieb he's one lucky man

r.a.black lucky isn't exactly the right word but okay

user737729 OH MY FUCKING SHIT

user632444 MY ACTUAL PARENTS

user536272 NOT ME NOT BEING DELULU

user292920 swifities can't relate

user155161 WALBURGA LIKED THIS HELP ME

user993929 narcissa is so real LMFAOOO

user032386 THAT SHOULD BE ME (idk which person i want to be more)

starmanblack added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by cissy_blck, luciussy, bartyyy and 942,773 others

yourusername happy birthday to this idiot who i unfortunately love very much 💕

tagged starmanblack

30,033 comments

starmanblack tragic how i love you back

yourusername absolutely

starmanblack rizz god since 12

yourusername are you still 12?

lily_evans got me tearing up over here

yourusername awwww 🥺

rjlupin you should have used that one photo where he was on the potty

starmanblack WHY ARE YOU LETTING THEM KNOW THAT EXISTS?

rjlupin denying it would have worked yk

casmeadowes i woke up to this 💀

starmanblack good

mmmckinnon mondays.

user939355 THE CAT

user019661 i'm making this my profile picture

user763772 tell him i said happy birthday

user195666 imagine having someone say they love you so publicly ha ha ha ha ha

user244488 fuck being single fr

user328911 NO BUT THIS IS KINDA CUTE 😭

yourusername added to their story

[borathae]

ok finally doing this after a nap

Chapter 3

What is wrong with me *me 24/7, ALSO YES WHAT WAS ALL THAT???

Ever since you set foot into this estate, your brain went into a total frenzy YES EXACTLY AND it seems like she can remember hmmm

Why does everything here look so ancient? YOU NEED TO READ FANFICS to learn to live (except we dont get lucky yn parts just the unlucky embarrassing parts but thank god we aint dying every 5 chapter like yn)

You remember drinking one glass of wine. the said glass of wine:

It is totally normal to forget your date’s name after sleeping in his guestroom never been on a date, but i forgot someone's name after sitting next to them all day and realized after class while talking to bestie and had to wait till attendance next day -_-

ok the door is still locked. he told her to keep them locked and she did, but opened it for a sec and locked it again during the night. and the entire teleporting happened. this is a bit confusing hmmm. like opening it for a sec caused the change, but she locked it again. then how did they get her inside again? the bruise is there so it means it was real. the lock must have some magic and opening it during night causes it to go away?? i will think later lol

Did you punch your own throat in your sleep oof

Why did he know where to look exactly it wasnt a dream babe

istg im about to bitch slap this bitchless dude (TAE I LOVE U DONT TAKE IT TO THE HEART)

You should take better care of your belongings Kim Taehyung damn

He creeps me out honestly speaking all of them are creepy, yoongi is 10% less

just like that all your worries are wiped away like magic. like magic or with magic 👀👀(were u silent or silenced)

your knees are buckling like crazy THIS WILL BREAK ME THIS IS GONNA BREAK ME

Okay not going to lie, this was kind of cool you know whats more cooler??? jimin feeding his cycle 😂 THAT REMINDS ME OF JIN RIDING THE CYCLE HANDS FREE *fans myself

You snort, “so very humble.” ikr sOoOo HuMbLe

hmm usually you see cats sitting on horses, chilling. yoongles must be a rare kitty

Tell me again, why are you studying?” seriously dude must be bored as fuck to study, or started to forget cuz its beeen toooo looong

hold on what if some old being makes some theories and is "killed/disappeared" and later, with a different identity, studies his own theories in college 😭 and continues with it lol

It earned you a scholarship, it clearly must be well written.” or was it something to bring her to them??? 👀 *sus

The entrance exam stole my sanity from me. Even after a week of completing it I still felt jittery.” what type of students go there? what type of university is that? very weird

sunlight was just too bright for his eyes, DONT BE AN UNCULTURED SWINE, THATS WHEN UR SUPPOSED TO TWITCH AND SAY I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

Emma left, she won’t come back again EMMA DIED FOR SURE OOF

It was a clean and painless end whats that supposed to mean mr.dracula?

Taehyung was a man of such humour ikr him in interviews 😭

Taehyung knew such peculiar stories about places and that doesnt seem weird???

the rain part was soo cute it could me giggling and listening too still with you

wow the honesty was cool, though there is many secrets, some parts feels really raw.

we are both pick-me girls then BAHAHA PLS *starts playing pd48 pick me

they are so cute im gonna die

(the way i started slightly mad at tae and then ended up simping, sighs)

THEY ARE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DATE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

i cant wait for 2seokkook's pov and her talking to them woohoo

i love how smoothly its written, like everything just flows nicely, the scenes and dialogues, its like those nice cozy well directed movies that you watch with pillows and blanket and rested face, body and mind

its only been 3 chapters, obviously the suspense wouldnt make me grip my pillow yet but its already made me clutch my blanket/pearls lol

jjdafjs it took me so long to figure out how the wine pic happened HAHAHA this is such a funny idea help fjadjfs 😭😂

What is wrong with me *me 24/7, ALSO YES WHAT WAS ALL THAT???

ISTFG WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS ESTATE???

Ever since you set foot into this estate, your brain went into a total frenzy YES EXACTLY AND it seems like she can remember hmmm

like the suspicion is growiinnggg

Why does everything here look so ancient? YOU NEED TO READ FANFICS to learn to live (except we dont get lucky yn parts just the unlucky embarrassing parts but thank god we aint dying every 5 chapter like yn)

it doesn't make sense to you yet probably but I wanna be SA!OC so bad jfasdjf

It is totally normal to forget your date’s name after sleeping in his guestroom never been on a date, but i forgot someone's name after sitting next to them all day and realized after class while talking to bestie and had to wait till attendance next day -_-

girliepop me all the time, I forget names so easily (the same with song titles FAFAJDS like I kid you not I even forgot BTS song titles sometimes like it's so bad)

ok the door is still locked. he told her to keep them locked and she did, but opened it for a sec and locked it again during the night. and the entire teleporting happened. this is a bit confusing hmmm. like opening it for a sec caused the change, but she locked it again. then how did they get her inside again? the bruise is there so it means it was real. the lock must have some magic and opening it during night causes it to go away?? i will think later lol

hmhmhmhm interesting theory indeed mhmhmmh or perhaps 👀 someone made her lock the door again and then think everything was just a dream 👀 mhmhmhm

You should take better care of your belongings Kim Taehyung damn

"belongings" LIKE THE ICK

He creeps me out honestly speaking all of them are creepy, yoongi is 10% less

JFJADSJF YES jhfahsdhf I agree fjadjfa

just like that all your worries are wiped away like magic. like magic or with magic 👀👀(were u silent or silenced)

INDEED LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER???

Okay not going to lie, this was kind of cool you know whats more cooler??? jimin feeding his cycle 😂 THAT REMINDS ME OF JIN RIDING THE CYCLE HANDS FREE *fans myself

omg hahahaha this scene 😭😭 he is such a goof I love him 😭😭 Seokjin is honestly so hot I need to inhale him

hmm usually you see cats sitting on horses, chilling. yoongles must be a rare kitty

*cries* he is indeed a kitty

Tell me again, why are you studying?” seriously dude must be bored as fuck to study, or started to forget cuz its beeen toooo looong

LMOAOAO FOR REAL LIKE FADHF couldn't be mE FJASDJF

hold on what if some old being makes some theories and is "killed/disappeared" and later, with a different identity, studies his own theories in college 😭 and continues with it lol

👀 interesting ohohooh

It earned you a scholarship, it clearly must be well written.” or was it something to bring her to them??? 👀 *sus

OOOOOH IMAGINEEEEE 👀👀

The entrance exam stole my sanity from me. Even after a week of completing it I still felt jittery.” what type of students go there? what type of university is that? very weird

IT IS INDEED VERY WEIRD ALL OF IT 👀

sunlight was just too bright for his eyes, DONT BE AN UNCULTURED SWINE, THATS WHEN UR SUPPOSED TO TWITCH AND SAY I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

lmaoaooaoao in her defence I have really sensitive eyes too and can barely stay in the sun without my eyes ACHING jfadsjfj so it IS possible

Emma left, she won’t come back again EMMA DIED FOR SURE OOF

👀 mhmhmhmmh

It was a clean and painless end whats that supposed to mean mr.dracula?

LIKE HELLO WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER????

Taehyung was a man of such humour ikr him in interviews 😭

I love him 😭😭

Taehyung knew such peculiar stories about places and that doesnt seem weird???

kfadjsfasj she is just here for a good time not a long time lmaooa

wow the honesty was cool, though there is many secrets, some parts feels really raw. they are so cute im gonna die (the way i started slightly mad at tae and then ended up simping, sighs) THEY ARE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER DATE YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

fjadjfjad I love how you switched instnatly JFJADSJF THIS IS SO ME WHEN SANGUIS TAE FJADSJFJ

i love how smoothly its written, like everything just flows nicely, the scenes and dialogues, its like those nice cozy well directed movies that you watch with pillows and blanket and rested face, body and mind. its only been 3 chapters, obviously the suspense wouldnt make me grip my pillow yet but its already made me clutch my blanket/pearls lol

gaaah thank youuu <3 I'm so happy that you're having such a good time with it heheheh istfg I love reading your comments, they're so awesome heheheh 🥺😭💜💜

[nanasarea]

Jung Jaehyun as your idol bf

Genre: fluff

Pairing: jaehyun x idol!reader

Request: Heyy!! It's been a minute! Could I request Jaehyun as your idol!bf ? ♡JJ

Word count: 1358

a/n: yall, i don’t proof read, this shouldn’t even come as a surprise.

Haechan /  Yuta / Mark / Jeno / Jaemin / Chenle / Renjun / Jisung 

When you heard you were asked to be in an sm station with jaehyun

you freaked

and so did he (see gif for reference)

and so did all of your and his members

mainly because they could tease you afterwards

bc they’re little shits

i mean what

ANYWAY

you go in and are immediately a bit intimidated

he’s like 180 cm (5’11″) tall 

what do you expect

he’s barefaced

and he’s wearing this really cute hoodie

and a baseball cap

which for some reason makes him look even more attractive than usual

and he’s like “sorry I’m late, I overslept and rushed over”

and you’re asking yourself 

what kind of bullshit

he looked this good mere minutes after waking up??

this is witchcraft

you were sure of it

and yes, you were intimidated

but not for long

he turned into the nicest friendliest human you’d ever meet in your entire life 

not only 5 minutes after meeting

and you’re convinced sm actually made him in their basement

like what how is he such an angel

but like the next day,

and you realize he is actually a mad man

have you seen how he opens albums???

you try and stay calm and professional

but mr. troy bolton just had to drive you insane

he asks if you can look at each other while singing 

to make him less nervous

and you’re like 

aww that’s sweet but I will faint

Breaking Free 2.0 up in here

like your manager feels like a third wheel there

and everyone else in the studio

his manager even asks your manager how long they think you two will need to start dating

and so the bet began

you two knew of it

they were bad at hiding it 

and knowing his competitive ass, he probably placed a bet too

not like in a bad way

just how long he needed to ask you out

“I really want to get to know you better, would getting iced coffee at the cafe down the street be of any interest to you?” 

and of course you agreed

you’re not stupid

his manager ended up winning

which made jaehyun all sulky

we all know he is one of the most competitive human beings

but he chickened out one time 

because he was nervous

johnny doesn’t let him live 

like ever again

you end up going to the cafe 

and he shows up in all black

and a baseball cap

basically his outfit from when he went to the coffee shop with johnny from the relay cam

and he looks so boyfriend

and you almost melt

anyway

you talk a lot about music

obviously

mainly his LPs

his music taste is so attractive honestly ugh

time skip to when he asks you to be his girlfriend

which is before your station was released

because he was just so excited

about being with you so he didn’t bother waiting

so when your station was released,

your members knew and hinted of it

so did his

it’s not like they made it that obvious

but like if you read between the lines

it was there

the teasing tho omg

he would be so cocky don’t even

like I’m not saying he would just smile to himself abt it

but he would

“yeah, I got myself some, get on my level”

I know everyone is like 

omg prince charming in the flesh

he is 

but he’s also SO CHAOTIC

he obviously buys all your albums

and lightstick

all the merch

ends up breaking half of it

it’s okay, he has a black card, he can just buy more

almost exposed you two when you won your first win

he was the mc and when he gave you the award, 

he tried so hard not just lift you up in his arms and spin you around

don’t worry, he did that afterwards

behind the scenes

he ends up being no where to be seen in those backstage videos

because he’s always with you

but he’s so cautious about it

he doesn’t want you to get in trouble

so it takes so long for you two to make your relationship public

but when you do,

everyone feels like booboo the fool

like how did no one notice?

most of your dates are in his room

listening to music

and drinking wine

he classy like that

but like 3 minutes later, 

you’re watching high school music

he perfect cute like that

ends up serenading you with the songs

and haechan walks into his room

“can you two stfu, you’re too loud, and that’s coming from me”

you don’t shut up tho

you just sing louder to spite him

speaking of that,

jaehyun is a brat

you can’t convince me otherwise

not like all the time

but let’s say you tell him not to do something

or that he can’t

he will make sure that he does it

no matter what

ngl you find it attractive 

his competitiveness is so hot istg

you know how he’s like 

really into his IG?

you’re the only one he follows

he risked his perfect ratio of like a million to 0

for you and you only

and that’s when you knew he was the one

also you can’t tell me like half of his posts are now photos of you 

or you and him

candid couple photos

and whenever you post something

he hypes you up in the comments

like he knows how to flirt

we been knew

and just because ya’ll are official now

doesn’t stop him from flirting with you 24/7

does he care that you’re at an award show with a ton of fans looks at you all the time?

does he care that you’re trying to practice?

does he care that johnny and mark are dragging him away from you because they need to leave for another schedule?

hah no

and they’re sometimes really random

he loves you get all flustered

so you start doing the same

and you always tease him for how red his ears are

but don’t tease him too much

because he will make you regret it

if you know what I’m saying

sneaks into your dorms after his schedule ends

and just lays with you

while you talk about anything

and everything

also have i mentioned he catches you listening to one of his songs

and he goes all uwu

he’s so flustered

he ends up writing some lyrics for the new album

and when you listen to them 

he just randomly says

“oh, by the way, that’s about you”

and so you do the same

he has the song on repeat forever

his fave song now 

he can’t keep a straight face when listening to it

his go to answer for whenever anyone asks for song recs

also he keeps talking about you

like everywhere

he doesn’t even feel bad

one night, you tell him you can’t fall asleep

so he sings you to sleep on the phone

but he doesn’t have the heart to hang up 

even if he needs to

gets johnny to do it

johnny teases him for it

I’m not implying that you get into petty bets 

abt everything and anything

I’m saying it, not implying

i know i keep bringing it up, but he’s so competitive what do you expect

also you’re the only one he’s okay with winning at isac

like when you score highest at a certain sport

he just walks around like

“you see that? that’s mine!” 

all proud and shit

“yeah, that’s cool but did your s/o score  10 points 4 consecutive times during the archery tournament? didn’t think so”

don’t even get me started on how he’d be at your concert

waving 2 light sticks, has a banner, all y/n merch

johnny, mark and jungwoo swear they don’t know him after that

but it’s okay

you find it cute

which is all that matters to him

almost cries when you dedicate a song to him

and by almost i mean he did

and said that if anyone says anything, 

he will deny it

in conclusion: jaehyun best boy(friend)

and now I’m even more whipped for this man than I was before

Tag list (which i forgot, i apologize): @soleilchannie​

[faejilly]

i am for you (10/?)

This chapter brought to you by that time I accidentally left Sucker on loop on Spotify for like three days. idk why either, that’s all I’ve got tho 

***

[misfit group mms]

[tessa]: oh, it's nice to be home on a Friday night [tessa]: I love the ALA con but my pajamas are so much more comfortable

[dot]: says you and Ragnor, maybe. The rest of you got any plans? I've got itchy feet but I can't decide what I want to do or where to go

[magnus]: you always have itchy feet

[dot]: you're one to talk

[cat]: so you're crowdsourcing for ideas?

[dot]: why not?

[cat]: Sorry, I have to work a double tomorrow, I'm with Tessa. Tea and putting my feet up, that's the life

[magnus]: Alexander and I are going dancing.

[cat]: I can see your giddy smile from here, you've got it bad

[magnus]: Yes, I do

[raphael]: you've had worse taste, I must admit

[magnus]: was that a compliment?

[raphael]: he's not a total idiot. He has a sense of humor, too

[tessa]: what [tessa]: did you make a joke? One someone else could recognize rather than one where you laughed at them in your head? And then he GOT IT? [tessa]: Magnus, your boy's magical, I can't wait to meet him

[magnus]: not today, sorry darling

[dot]: oh we know. Have fun

[magnus]: so much fun

[raphael]: please don't give us the details

[magnus]: just for that, you're getting pictures tonight [magnus]: so many pictures [magnus]: every possible outfit combination [magnus]: every menu item I consider for dinner [magnus]: every step in line on the way to the club

[raphael]: why are you such an asshole

[magnus]: but I'll stop once we get inside [magnus]: because I love you

[dot]: or because Pandemonium uses those weird spotlights and strobes so most pics look terrible

[cat]: oh no, it's because Magnus will be too busy admiring Alec

[raphael]: never thought I'd be thankful for Magnus' libido

[magnus]: harsh. I'll have you know he has a beautiful soul

[dot]: you're not going to a club to grind against Alec's *soul*

[cat]: apparently he can multi-task. Enjoy his soul, pretty eyes, and how he moves his hips?

[magnus]: stop objectifying my boyfriend [magnus]: or wait 'til he can hear you so I can at least enjoy him blushing

[cat]: ah, young love

[magnus]: you're the same age I am

[cat]: but I'm not in love, thank god, it sounds exhausting

[magnus]: bah humbug?

[ragnor]: exactly [ragnor]: But I also have plans, actually. Quieter ones.The observatory's doing a talk on the Lyrids, and then they're having a midnight picnic while we see how well they show up

[dot]: oooh. Can I come?

[ragnor]: if you can get here in half an hour, it's a bit of a drive to the site. Have to get far enough out of town to avoid the worst of the light pollution

[dot]: on it

[magnus]: hmmm, I have to start planning my photo montage [magnus]: you're gonna love it, Raphael [magnus]: you should get a new SD card [magnus]: so you can save them ALL

[cat]: I'm so sorry, Raphael

[magnus]: OH. IT'S ON. YOU'RE GETTING THEM TOO

[cat]: ohnomyphone'sdyingwhatwasthat

[tessa]: have fun, children. And Ragnor.

***

[maia]: Alec's here. With Magnus. Dancing. In public. Holy shit Magnus can dance. Alec's not bad, but wow. WOW.

[simon]: why are you telling me this when I can't come &see it for myself? That's just mean

[maia]: so you can tell Becky and she can give you that look that she does when she doesn't believe you? Because that look's hilarious

[simon]: you are a cruel woman

[maia]: you're just jealous Becky likes me better

[simon]: Everyone likes you better. You are objectively the best, I am proud of everyone for liking you better.

[maia]: awww. That was really sweet you big dork

[simon]: 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[maia]: less sweet, more dork

[simon]: hey, at least I didn't try and make long-stemmed rose emojis for you [simon]: that'd be a bit much

[maia]: SPEAKING OF A BIT MUCH [maia]: I think there's glitter in Alec's hair. From Magnus' ... Everything?

[simon]: WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS? I hate Pandemonium's lighting, I can't even ask you to get pics, they never come out

[maia]: well Lydia's seen Alec do this before, apparently, the dancing at least if not the glitter, and Clary's right here staring at them with me, and I can't very well tell Izzy or Jace, they're all stuck in *wait are we supposed to worry about him now?* mode and it's clearly very confusing for them that their big brother is his own person and has sex. Possibly a lot of sex? Alec and Magnus are very close together with this dancing thing. [maia]: They're really hot, babe

[simon]: I'm your last choice? AND you're telling me other boys are hot? I'm hurt

[maia]: no you're not, you know I love you (and you also know they're hot)

[simon]: I do, don't I? Love you too.

[maia]: were you agreeing with both of those?

[simon]: obviously [simon]: I can get away with that 'cause he's not actually my brother and also I know you'll never tell him I said that because you like me enough not to want me to be QUITE that mortified [simon]: aw shit, you'd totally tell Becky or Clary tho. Please don't tell Becky & Clary

[maia]: I'll consider it 😏 [maia]: Clary's probably safe. She seems really weirded out by Alec's date-behavior. Pointing out that we both already knew he was hot might make her head explode. [maia]: do you think it's because she thinks of Alec as a brother or just because he's so *Alec* iykwim?

[simon]: probably both. Clary's good at multi-tasking her emotions

[maia]: Was that a compliment or an insult?

[simon]: no idea [simon]: and Bubbie's back, gotta go. She did want to know if you're still good for Shabbat next week?

[maia]: course. Tell her I'll bring the wine

[simon]: told you everyone should like you best 😍

[maia]: 😘

***

[clary]: alinealinealinehelp in eed tot alkto you

[aline]: it's after 2 in the morning there what are you doing? Are you all right? Is someone dying? Do I need to get a plane ticket?

[clary]: SORRY. Everyone'sfine (alec's borfiiiiirnis so gorgeous and i don't even,i had to tell you because you'retheonlyone who gets it)

[aline]: alec's what? WHAT. [aline]: CLARY [aline]: CLARY WTF [aline]: I AM GOING TO CALL LUKE AND MAKE SURE NO ONE'S DYING

[aline]: clary? If you're asleep and no one's dying I'm going to kill you

[clary]: sorry, sorry. Got some water and a keyboard I candothisnow. Sort of. Sorry

[aline]: how drunk are you

[clary]: not too drunk for these conversation [clary]: thank god my phone's well trained

[aline]: thank god I woke up and had coffee already [aline]: can you start over now?

[clary]: yeah like. A week or twss ago this guy THIS GUY with the best clothes I've ever seen and eyeliner to rival Izzy's came into the store looking for a book and he said *ALEC* sent him

[aline]: what

[clary]: i KNOW. right. I did not know that was a thing for Alec. Maybe it's just Magnus is a thing for Alec? That would make more sense, I don't think he knew what he looked like at that point but MAGNUS HAD THIS LITTLE SMILE WHEN HE SAID aLEC's name and it was amazing and adorable and istg he's so beautiful i want his vests like all of them do you think if they get married I could borrow his vests?

[aline]: clary. You need to, idk. I cannot follow this story and if you don't figure it out I'm going to call you and if that doesn't help I'm going to call EVERYONE YOU ARE EVEN SORT OF RELATED TO UNTIL SOMEONE EXPLAINS

[clary]: NO you can't that's why I'm talking to you Maia went home to sle [clary]: sleep because Maia actually knows how to adult and Jace and Izzy are being like scowly because you know it's *Alec* and they're worried and Lydia is [clary]: Lydia more Alec's friend than my friend even though we are also friends and how does she make her hair stay like that do you think? It never falls out of those braids

[aline]: BREATHE

[clary]: ok

[aline]: drink some water

[clary]: ok

[aline]: try again

[clary]: so Alec has a boyfriend who he met via an accidental email message or something like in an actual freaking movie [clary]: and for their first date they came to THE HUNTER'S MOON AND SIMON'S GIG LAST WEEK

[aline]: why would anyone start with that

[clary]: and then they left early and Alec's was freshly shaved when he got to the bookstore the next *afternoon* like he had only just managed to get home and clean up before he had to show up and also he keeps smiling and I have a suspiciousness he hasn't slept back at his own place all week

[aline]: how did starting with meeting our family work, that's impossible

[clary]: I have no damn clue but we tried to tease him at dinner last week and now Maryse invited Magnus (that's the boyfriend in case I forgot that part?) to family dinner this week and apparently he said YES [clary]: IT'S BEEN A WEEK and ALEC IS BRINGING HIS OBYFRIENDTOD INNER S unday wait it's like almost three that's TOMORROW

[aline]: Alec's never invited anyone to a family anything ever. I've never even managed to figure out if he's ever gone on a date because wherever he goes it's not where any of us are. EVER.

[clary]: OH HE DATES NOW [clary]: I SAW THEM AT PANDEMONIUM TONIGHT AND I [clary]: they were *dancing* and I was maybe 4 people away and Alec didn't even notice [clary]: and Alec's my *brother* and they're boys but even I could tell they were really hot. as in people were staring hot and Alec didn't care

[aline]: holy shit

[clary]: like. I really don't want to know this about them but they may have had sex in the bathroom because let me tell you Alec was all blushing and dark eyed and hi's HAIR and you know that loose-happy-post-orgasm thing was going on with the dancing

[aline]: I don't want to know this about them or you that you would recognize that, you're twelve

[clary]: I am TWENV. I'm TWEMT fucking 21

[aline]: maybe he'd just had a drink and was enjoying a night out [aline]: ...

[clary]: yeah. Cuz that's not LESS WEIRD? Alec drinking and going out in public and not noticing someone he knows near-by? (MAIA. ME. we're not subtle) ALEC NOT NOTICING FAMILY? I HAVE NEVER. You have never. NEVER.

[aline]: this is the most disturbing conversation to be having. Especially with you

[clary]: WHY ESPECIALLY ME? You've known Izzy since she ewas actually a bb izzy and me since i was a teenager why'mI worse? [clary]: and i am not a virgin wtf aline you took me to the 18nighht at Galore togetherallthetime before you met Helen. And after you met Helen but before either of you had the balls to ask her out. Or the other her. Or you. I think I lost track of the nouns in that sentence

[aline]: drink more water

[clary]: k

[aline]: and then get some sleep

[clary]: BUT aLEC AND mAGNUS

[aline]: are adults and apparently very happy about that fact, they'll be fine

[clary]: but Izzy and Jace are being WEIRD ABOUT IT i need help

[aline]: why? How? What do you think I'm going to do from a different continent? And are you even going to remember this conversation after you get some sleep?

[clary]: that's why typing i can read it if i forgot

[aline]: uh. I think that's going to go a little differently than you expect

[clary]: oh, Simon's saved everysingle durmngdi drunk text I've ever sent him, this is way more like real words than usual

[aline]: that's terrifying I can't know that you're twelve

[clary]: stop saying that!

[aline]: you're drunk texting me about your brother's boyfriend [aline]: who you actually called both gorgeous and hot like he's a celebrity on a poster [aline]: stop acting like you're twelve

[clary]: oh [clary]: point [clary]: but

[aline]: and honestly considering Alec I think you're the one being weird [aline]: it's perfectly normal to be worried about someone doing something out of character

[clary]: ugh not you too [clary]: but the SMILES [clary]: the way they just. Everything. [clary]: I think they're soulmates

[aline]: there's no such thing

[clary]: I didn't think so either. but now?  [clary]: aw shit the tired hit I gotta go sleep [clary]: love you

[aline]: but [aline]: god damn it [aline]: I’m calling you back in six hours to wake you up and make you suffer

***

[aline]: I just had the weirdest conversation with Clary

[helen]: it's 3 in the morning there

[aline]: drunk!Clary. Not even why it was weird though. I think.

[helen]: what she's twelve she can't be drunk texting people on the other side of the planet, that's just wrong

[aline]: that's what I said!

[helen]: great minds

[aline]: hot bods

[helen]: 🥂

[aline]: 💕

[helen]: so what did drunk Clary have to say that was even weirder than the fact that drunk Clary was texting you from the other side of the planet?

[aline]: Alec brought a date to Simon's gig last week and they're going to family dinner Sunday AND they were apparently at Pandemonium last night. Alec didn't notice Clary. While he was dancing. In public. With some guy *Clary* called hot and gorgeous and beautiful.

[helen]: wtf Clary's possibly even more gay than you are. She and Alec are both solid sixes.

[aline]: I KNOW, RIGHT?

[helen]: I don't know what to do with this information

[aline]: exactly [aline]: and Clary was in all seriousness (I think) calling them soulmates and then she decided she was tired and stopped talking to me

[aline]: and it's 3am there everyone else is probably asleep  [aline]: I'm just staring at my phone. I feel like I should do something with all this? But there's nothing?

[helen]: so you had to share the WTF with me?

[aline]: obviously

[helen]: well [helen]: thanks? [helen]: but I'm at my stop so you're gonna have to figure out the WTF on your own for awhile

[aline]: but I don't wanna

[helen]: too bad

[aline]: ha. Just for that, I'm going back to bed. Blankets and pillows and that one line of sunlight that makes it through between the curtains...

[helen]: I hate you

[aline]: love you too, babe. 👋🏼