#I need to go home and play it right now
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I have made over 180 original posts about FFXIV since I started playing it again in December of last year. I would say I'm sorry. But I'm not.
#This game is everything to me#I love it#I love the story#I love the world#I love the characters#I love the gameplay#I love the crafting#I love the gathering#I love the combat#I love the sidequests#I love the exploration#I love the PvP#I love the achievements#I love the community-#Well.#I love parts of the community.#This game is so important to me#I need to go home and play it right now
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Cw: Snake!




Introducing, Kevin ✨
#I saw him at the expo but didn’t get him then regretted it later ;v;#as luck would have it the breeder lived in a town near me and number 6 the guy I wanted hadn’t sold at the show!!#I had everything I needed at home already so the breeder said she’d give me a deal if I just made the trip out to go get him :’] <3#so he's home now!! Everyone meet Kevin! (Named after Kevin Bacon who played Valentine the main character in the horror movie Tremors sdjgh)#tremors#Kevin#the pet tag#he’s no bigger than a pencil right now QvQ#kenyan sand boa#Cw snake#pet snake
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your friendship is a beam of sunlight in a cold room.
#sighs. i'm ready for today to be over but i don't have anytihng to look forward to tomorrow. so.#i was going to try to find a church but that doesn't seem like it'll be happening but maybe i can do home-church again with art journaling#but just. i'm. really lonely#today i felt Fine i felt Good! like i genuinely felt Emotionally Normal which was so NICe; really this whole week i've been doing Well#i've felt Normal! which i never ever take for granted <3 but despite Feeling Fine today i just.. burst into tears? randomly??? throughout#the day???#and it took me half the day to realize i think it's cause i'm lonely. which. there's not much i can *do* about that right now#and i called a best friend and we did parallel play art time in silence and that was so so nice#and i talked to my brother on the phone and i played minecraft and i did an art project#and everything has been very lovely and i AM really grateful for all the gifts i've been given for this season#but that doesn't negate the fact that it's been nearly a month since i last received a hug#and that just weighs on you sometimes yknow. and it's not like i'm not trying#but i'm also just Sad. and friends are so wonderful but also they're still all behind screens. i need irl community which is why i need to#find a church which is why i need to finish learning how to drive. sighs.#journal moodboards#3.15.25#elle moodboards
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there's an entire temple dedicated to the maintenance of the seasons in holodrum and protecting the rod of seasons and its four spirits. meanwhile nayru is just keeping the harp of ages in her basement
#legend of zelda#random stuff#oracle of seasons#oracle of ages#I'm replaying the oracle games right now#humans could make a temple dedicated to the easily understood cycle of seasons (which are kind of supernatural in this game)#time is only understood by the hippie singer who lives in the woods and is important enough to have a triforce barrier protecting her home#dude. oracle of ages is so much more grim than seasons#people in ages are like 'my husband left to go work on the evil tower. I'm never going to see him again'#a city got destroyed by an eruption in ages and you need to go back in time to save it#some kid got turned to stone and his grandma won't leave his side#meanwhile in seasons sure a city got flooded because of icecaps melting but everyone is ok. nobody needed to evacuate#there is silly music playing in the bg. and a legendary diver guy who lives there#despite the little girl with no parents to speak of stranded at the entrance eternally blowing bubbles because she can't swim#and the fact that there's a monster fortress right outside town preventing anyone from evacuating#I mean. despite the flooding the game makes it seem like the city was always 90% water
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it is crazy that I am just unable of letting myself rest when I don't feel well. working is always my go-to
#for years even my job has been the 'stress relief' to the anxiety I live with daily#after work I need to go home and do More Work to stay occupied lest the scary things happen#on the bright side I have THE funniest track playing in my head right now
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i! was not emotionally prepared for this!!! (<- finishing up veilguard)
#🔪.text#(spoilers in these tags)#i'm on the second to last quest :')#fuck.#i wasn't expecting to actually be able to beat the game in my time here#guess that's what happens when hyperfixation go brrr#but GOD.#i mean. fuck. i knew shit was gonna go down. i knew people were probably gonna be lost#BUT FUCK MAN.#WAILING.#HARDINGGGG :'((((#AND VARRIC............#WHY DID I HAVE TO LOSE MY TWO DWARVES :(((((#LIKE. I EVEN KINDA HAD VARRIC'S DEATH SPOILED TO ME BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW#AND WHEN HE 'LIVED' I WAS LIKE ''oh he's okay?''#NO. NO HE WAS NOT. FUCK ME.#WARGH#right now i'm sitting here trying to figure out whether i want to finish it tonight or leave it for tomorrow#i'll still have time before i have to go home#as long as i don't start playing too late#which i wouldn't. the plan would be to get back to it p much immediately after breakfast#kinda leaning towards that bc i should really give my wrists a rest#yeah. i think i'm gonna leave it for tomorrow#leave all the rest of that (most likely) emotional train wreck for the morning#god.#i was. so not prepared for any of that#i need to go pace the apartment for the next twenty minutes.#i miss harding so fucking much that was SO unfair.#at least i got bellara back...#but god. fuck.
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begging my male coworkers to develop coping mechanisms that aren't exercise
#like tbf to him he is going through a HARD time rn#but man came to work sick. walked 4 miles on his lunch break. and is now gonna go home and get on the stationary bike for hours#and i was like hey maybe you should let your body rest#and he was like i hear you but that's not something i can do right now. this is how i need to destress#please i care about you please pick up like painting or drawing or air dry clay scultpure...pick up playing a calming video game...#pick up poetry again!!! youre a poet!!!#pick up edibles even like...#exercise can be A way you do that please don't let it be the ONLY way ur body is gonna collapse 😭
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i need a fucking cigarette
#locked in for 4 hours and i have nothing to show for it#i feel like termites have eaten my bones#currently in that dopamine deprived era#my right hand is cold to the touch and my left is a sauna#i wish for death#i think i also need a fucking drink#i need something angry to listen to because we are losing#or i could play 16 different songs at the same time to overstimulate myself#was recently obsessed with playing eternal strands#now thinking about it makes me feel nothing#i'm violently being swung around and i think i need to go home#but i can't fucking lose#even if it keeps turning out wrong#even if i have to die for it
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literally have just been sitting up for 30 minutes trying to will myself to get ready
#grief posting#everything is just hard#he was in everything. every routine. every nook and cranny of my life#everyday when I'd wake up for work fr he'd run up and start snuggling me and trying to get me to lay in bed still and be so sweet and cute#and his sister would run up and they'd snuggle and sometimes play and sometimes just Be#and they'd sit in bed together once my wife and i got out in the warmth of where we had just laid down#and she's still here. she's still here. but she's so sad. she's sk flat right now. my wife is sick because of the stress#and im just sitting here. nauseous. unable to make myself move#i have a meeting at 10am. my wife called out again and is giving me a ride. it is 8am. i can do it#i can do this. i can do this. i can do this. he wants me to keep doing this. even when he'd try to make me stay home. he wouldnt want me to#completely stop forever. i need to do this. oh god how am i going to do this.#i dont want to Speak to anyone. i dont want to Interact with people. i dont. want it#im supposed to lead a tuesday meeting soon for a journal club and i have no idea how im gonna do this#and everyone who buys into capitalism is treating me like im crazy and unhinged for being this upset my cat died#everyone is trying to rationalize it and justify it and make me “feel better” about the fact my cat is dead when nothing helps because my#cat is dead because i couldnt afford 8grand. my cat is dead n#because i couldnt afford the surgery. my cat is dead because i couldnt afford. a fucking. life saving procedure.#fuckibg..#AOUGHH#i dont know how im supposed to do this
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I know I’ve been talking about downsizing basically forever but things keep happening. But since taking in these emergency rats it has REALLY driven home that I *need* to be much further from my capacity limit.
I am not rehoming any of *my* animals, but I am doubling down on my efforts to increase my number of outside fosters so that there’s fewer fosters at my house, and will be keeping much fewer permanent animals going forward.
I am not planning to have any forever rats (except sanctuary rats) going forward, or forever mice. Once my current ones pass I will not be getting anymore. I have 9 gerbils through various circumstances but my limit is going to be 4. I have 3 hamsters & will be setting a limit of 1-2 going forward. I am planning to have no more than 6-7 permanent rodent enclosures (currently I have 14, so I will be halving my numbers essential, as they slowly pass of old age.
Before I ended up with these emergency rats I was doing just fine, not quite at my limit but getting close, and now I am over my limit and not sure when that’ll change. I’m managing, but since I never know when the next emergency will happen I need to maintain more open space and more bandwidth.
#it’s going to take me a WHILE to get down to these numbers- and they’re flexible#so like#i don’t anticipate having more than 1 hamster at a time after my current 3#until i am down to fewer than 4 gerbil cages (goal is 2 gerbil cages)#which will take a while because gerbils live a lot longer and mine are all healthy and all but two are only middle aged#etc#the rats most of mine are older but I’ll have 3 of them for at least another year or two#and so on#but yeah.. this has been a wake up call for me that i’ve been playing too close to my limits and it’s not sustainable#i am managing right now- and i am NOT taking more intakes into my home for the foreseeable future- but i need to give myself wiggle room
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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me wanting to sort so many things in my life




#like I go on tiktok-omg I need to sort my 13.5k videos I’ve saved so I can download them b/f the app IS BANNED 🔨#then I go to my Pinterest-gotta sort all my baking suggestions into folders🔨#wanna reorganize my blog so I can actually find shit so I can start doing other stuff like decorating it and posting more🔨#wanna reorganize my 12.0k photos in my library🔨#trying to organize my room after college and give things away in a home that doesn’t allow that 🔨🔨🔨🔨#FALLING DOWN WITH ASHANTI’s rain on me playing in the mf background#this is probably what ppl meant abt stressing abt leisure…#starlit rambles#personal ⭐️#im being so unserious right now-im (not) sorry; I took like a 3-8PM nap so I basically slept for the evening 🥰
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hhh this chicken and potato is a flop. Would it be awful of me to go get new food? I'd have to throw this food away. It's really bland. I don't want to waste food though
#I feel like I've flopped a lot today#I kind of just want a win#Typically when the food court is serving 'spiced' food it means it actually has flavor.... I guess that's what you get when you assume...#Earlier today they served a flop as well..... it was the same food as yesterday but I think they forgot the peppers in it today.#Kind of just tasted like mayo and lime#I sound whiney I'm pretty sure#Im not really hungry at all but I know it isn't healthy to skip meals.#Im kind of stuck. I don't know what to do. What's the right thing to do here? I'm so tired. I probably won't eat anything if I can't get so#I spent a lot of time playing minecraft today- which is probably the reason for my loss of appetite#I did my work eventually. I'm really. Hollow today. Or just right now really. I feel like I could fall asleep right here and never wake up.#Im going to go get myself new food. I think I just need something tasty and warm. Then I'll go tuck myself in bed. Maybe have a cookie#That'd be nice#I think this turned into a vent halfway through. I don't really know why I'm suddenly depressed. Maybe I just miss home#Im not hollow anymore now I'm just sad.#This is a downgrade wtf#vent#insomniac ramblez
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Me downloading countless sims mods ESPECIALLY waterfall mods so that my castaways island build on the island in windenburg is accurate
#technically because of the weather effects it will never be accurate :/#and also it’s supposed to be a TROPICAL island#but there’s never really any sims walking around on the windenburg island + it looks fairly uninhabited#+I might need to attempt use of the tool mod#there’s parties that happen at the bluffs so I probably won’t go there#also the graffiti is so unnecessary#but like I can build external places for them to visit#like now they’d have to leave the home lot to collect harvestables#I love serinions bamboo mod for castaway gameplay#I think I spelled their user right#so I’ll probably build a bamboo fortest to kinda#make it harder to just#spam harvest bamboo#I’ll add a cave and like a beach area for shits and giggles#and I’m debating a shipwreck lot#but basically I’m having too much fun with the sims#neon speeks#neon plays the sims#tonight we’ll sail to the edge of the world
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Back home and some complicated feelings about it again 😍 that said. Nothing beats my own beautiful bed
#sometimes I genuinely don't know whether I'd prefer to move back in with my parents or not#it wouldn't solve anything but I guess I could save up for a house? maybe?#but then again I can't right now because the point of being here is the learning and experiences#plus! I said I was going to try out the year. and we're only 1/4th through#which is a lot and not a lot simultaneously#back from friend trip agh. I miss the company even if being around people makes me self conscious#not my friend himself mind you but roommates I don't know as well as him. regardless. company nice#but the advantage of being at friend's places is that you can see what makes you feel at home in a place and then adjust that in your place#for example. my family never put a lot of stuff up on the walls#but I actually love rooms with a lot of framed pictures photos posters and such up. so if I do that here I'll like my space more#also!! I need to get more lamps#I love having various lamps around the place and I love not using overhead lighting#so I should invest in some home decor... for my gay little mental health#perhaps see what I can do to decorate for the winter holidays?#bien rambles#I've never been good at decorating or interior design but I can play around with it now...
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clouds by alex g great song to almost tear up to
#date i had on sat cancelled bc she had too much work to do which me too but i was rly looking forward to catching up w her#that plus all the other stuff that has been happening#my friends' house is almost empty everyone is going home#the weather is playing along too#two of my friends are in thailand i miss both of them dearly#ive found myself subconsciously believing in some form of karma over the past few months#even if logically i dont believe in it whenever a string of bad events happen i ask myself what i did to warrant this#i think right now my crime is a lack of self discipline#making false promises to myself and not following through at detriment to my own future#i know this line of thinking isnt helpful but maybe i need it because otherwise its just. that im very unlucky#or that im meant to not be loved or things will just keep going wrong and id really like thst to not be true#the sun is shining a little bit through the clouds#maybe thats a good sign
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