hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
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actually i'm going to list it here too sdlkfjsd
How i would personally "fix" the arknights "meta"
*meta defined here as operators whose kits i personally find unbalanced or too powerful in a way that's unhealthy for the game. i will give no opinion on operators who are strong but i like sdklfjs
Eyjafjalla: she just does the entire job of splash casters while half the cost, either with her s2 or s3. unfortunately, that is also her entire identity as a unit. the real solution wouldn't be to change eyja, it'd be to make splash casters stronger as an archetype. barring that:
s3: instead of hitting up to 6 enemies, it only hits 1 enemy at random, but it also deals a bit of splash damage, (1/2 or less) like her s2. to compensate for reducing dps by approximately 83%, the sp cost should be lowered and the duration increased to put it on equal footing with more modern skills. typhon deals >120k with her s3 at a 40 sp cost...
Silverash: he just does (did) way too much damage with his s3. like, did you watch how everyone dropped him nearly immediately after ch'alter's release? what about mlynar? he has more things he can do, technically, but the damage was always the main draw. take it away and those other niches become more interesting
s3: halve the attack buff and drop the defense reduction. ideally, it would turn entirely into a support skill: instead of dealing huge damage himself, he'd apply a small fragile against all enemies that he's hit, then a much larger fragile to all invisible enemies within range. i'd even make it explicitly not buff his own damage
Thorns: same as silverash, except instead of just raw damage, he's just too dang convenient. range + damage + regen? the damage is the biggest draw, and the main way he stays alive: the enemies can't hurt you if they're dead.
s3: does not double stats, doesn't last forever. instead, it'd be sick if it worked like blaze's module. first activation, it just gives the normal stats, second, it gives him a large defense boost, third, he gets resistance, fourth, his regen lasts even while attacking, etc etc. maybe it still does last forever, but you have to activate it 4 or 5 times first. thus killing the damage and convenience, but making him a very interesting pure laneholder
Skadi the Corrupting Heart: kills the entire bard class, and most of the medic class. her s2 combining healing, attack boost, and a defense boost is ridiculous role compression and convenience compared to the inconvenience of using sora, aak, or warfarin's comparable skills.
s2: literally all you have to change is give it a limited duration. lower the SP cost a lot, give it a pretty long duration, maybe buff it a bit, and it'd still be useful.
Surtr: i've talked a lot (not here?) about how removing any piece of surtr's kit would instantly make her pretty reasonable. it's a combination of so many powerful abilities all on one skill that add together into a monster.
s3: halve the attack buff, but add a stronger version of her s2's condition that deals bonus damage to singular targets. reduce target count, and raise the speed of HP loss. instead of capping at 60 seconds, 40-50 would be more reasonable. between the slow start HP drain and her invulnerability talent, she actually gets ~34 seconds with no healing support at all, which is quite good even on such a long timer. she'd still be fantastic between her res ignore and invulnerability talent, and she could still kill bosses (as long as you clear out the vicinity) she'd just be a bit harder to use.
Ch'en the Holungday: extremely boring kit. she gets ammo, the best mechanic, and all her skills do the exact same thing. if it were up to me i'd just remove her from the game sdlkfjs, or replace her with a more thematic ch'en alter. something to do with liberation and respect rather than. waterguns. ch'en defender alter that mirrors hoshiguma, ch'en caster or medic that forces her to really approach fighting from a different angle. as it stands though, fixing her is stupid easy
s3: remove "attacks deal two hits". also, lower the ammo and ammo consumption respectively. she'd still be a monster, true AOE crowd control + defense ignore + massive damage is a great combination, but that sheer damage is the reason people build her.
Młynar: i fucking hate this guy so much. great character. he's an excellent shithead foil to nearl's impossible heroics, but as a kit he's atrocious. he outclasses his own skills for no reason. there are 3 skill slots, but for some reason the 3rd skill always gets a dozen extra lines
s3: literally just remove the line "increase trait effect to 2x" and it's fine. very, very strong, but much more fine. personally, i would also change his extra damage from true to arts to be more consistent with tequila. no i do not think the thematic synergy with nearlter is worth it. she shouldn't have true damage either. blemishine made do with arts damage and you can too.
Texas the Omertosa: in contrast, an interesting and cool kit that you can really tell they tried to balance. her s2 isn't totally outclassed by her s3, they both have different, interesting roles to play. the numbers are also deceptively small. i would suggest only removing her "texas tradition" talent. it's just so impossibly versatile. you can use it as a bomb by dropping her on a weak enemy next to a strong enemy, you can nearly double her skill timer by dropping her on an elite while another important enemy is walking into range, you can even use it as a pseudo-revive. she'd still be absolutely busted without it, but you'd need to play a little more carefully.
Kirin R Yato: honestly i don't think she's that bad. i know she's like, busted, but she's got plenty of weaknesses. if i was going to nerf her, though?
s2: lower the attack buff from 150% to 120%. when the skill level is less than 7, it reduces her attack instead of increasing it.
s3: lower the attack buff a little. the amount of enemies that it's stupid strong against is so low that it isn't a huge problem.
Typhon: the fact that her kit has a lot of self-nerfing features is a really good sign. she's still very strong, but there's enough situations where she sucks that you can't throw her into every team composition.
s3: increase SP cost. ammo + low SP cost is unreasonably versatile. give us one or another trade-off, please
Myrtle: look, it's kind of their fault. vanguards are barely necessary in the game modes that all but force you to use them. she's "strong", but only because vanguards are a weird bit of half-baked game design.
to fix vanguards, you need to rebalance the entire game. let me propose two off-the-cuff solutions
- make natural DP gen go down instead of up, you lose the map/lose HP seals if it hits zero. vanguards can be deployed for free (limited # of times?), generate passive DP and also generate heaps more DP.
- DP does not generate naturally without a vanguard on the field, once they all die or leave the field it resets to zero. vanguards don't cost deployment limit, and can be repositioned for "free" once or twice per deployment.
both of these add severe punishments for not having and not protecting your vanguards, which would fix the problem, but make the game way less fun. honestly, i think it's fine the way it is. i mostly use vanguards to open on certain maps before the enemies have time to move, therefore making it less "you need vanguards to play" and more "you can use vanguards to do very specific strategies"
anyway here are some of my meta thoughts. if you work for hypergryph just leave this on the CEO's desk and i'm sure they'll all be implemented by tomorrow. tysm.
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it's hard for me not to feel broken
feels like everyone else is out there, doing stuff, building a life, making works
whereas i'm struggling to get through each day, not knowing if i'll get pulled into a whirlwind of emotions that i can't break through
what could i do? i could code, but what? for what? why? i don't have any personal projects anymore
i could write, but about what? anything i could say would be either offensive or anodyne, either something that shouldn't be said or is too obvious to say. there's non-fiction, but i'd need to research because what if i get things wrong? there's so much i know i don't know, and even more out there that i don't know that i don't know.
and greater still, who would even care? apparently some people appreciated my poorly-crafted post back during the incelscourse but that feeling still feels drowned out by the thousands of calls for grisly murder. apparently some people appreciated my al-nashiri post, but the only reblog i got on it was from an italian islamic extremist roleplay account, so why would it be worth doing so much research on a similar topic if it matters so little?
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