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that-ari-blogger · 4 months

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"Do you want to know a secret?" (The Portal)

I think that the rules of writing are overblown.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things you should and shouldn’t do when telling a story, but those are more guidelines than actual rules.

Case and point, She-Ra is a story predicated on repetition, which shouldn’t be as entertaining as it is. The “bad ending” is effectively another season, which is a unique premise, and a threat that the story absolutely delivers on multiple times.

But, to me at least, the story is enthralling, and keeps me coming back to it. It works, not despite its repetition, but because of it.

Although, that isn’t exactly true. I’ve described the story as cyclical before, but it isn’t entirely. It’s a spiral, because the cycle of abuse is an innately unstable dynamic, and will only end in tragedy if it isn’t broken.

If you don’t want to take my word for this, I give you the season 3 finale, The Portal, which spells out the series’ thesis in about as blunt of a way as is possible.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Watchmen, Batman: The Killing Joke, Superman: For The Man Who Has Everything, Justice League Unlimited)

I grew up reading Alan Moore comics, and if you don’t know who that is, I both pity you and envy you. Alan Moore is one of the most misrepresented writers of the modern age, and its entirely his own fault.

Moore is known for writing V For Vendetta, The Killing Joke, and Watchmen, all of which have a distinctly grim tone. He is one of those writers who seems to care more about the story he is telling than how much people enjoy it, and so he usually has a point to make.

Unfortunately, we end up with the Cyber Punk dilemma, in which Alan Moore’s genuinely unrivalled literary talent leads to people really enjoying his stories, which means they unintentionally miss the actual themes of those stories. In the case of Watchmen, this led to people seeing the gore and the violence and the depression and trying to replicate that.

This is where we get The Boys from, shallow sadness and spectacle. If that’s your thing, go for it, but it isn’t mine.

But I bring up Moore in a discussion of She-Ra for a reason, and that is the relentless hope inherent in his writing. In Moore’s stories, hope prevails every single time, with the only exception being extremely subjective. The Killing Joke focuses on the idea that everyone is one bad day away from becoming evil, and that gets proven wrong. Watchmen is about how small humans are and how annihilation changes people, yet the characters are able to find joy and an escape from their trauma, and show kindness to each other even when the sky almost literally falls on their heads.

The Boys isn’t very good as an adaptation of Moore’s themes (In my opinion). If you want one that actually understands the source material, watch The Incredibles, or Justice League Unlimited, or She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.

I have praised She-Ra for its animation and pacing, as well as its overarching story, but I think its greatest strength is its humanity. Characters in She-Ra are incredibly fragile, psychologically, and yet they are incredibly resilient.

Catra and Adora’s development gets methodically and efficiently destroyed by Shadow Weaver, and yet Adora becomes a hero and Catra… well, we’ll see how that works out in later seasons.

One of my favourite Moore stories is a superman story from 1985 called For The Man Who Has Everything. This was adapted into an episode of Justice League Unlimited, but I prefer the comic.

The story follows Superman being forced to live out his greatest desire. It doesn’t sound that bad, but the point is that he is kept happy and therefore out of the picture while villains can do villain things. It’s very much a story from its time, and I love it.

Interestingly, however, Superman’s dream takes him back to Krypton, where he isn’t Superman, and he is happy. He has a wife, and a son, and he never lost anything. He can spend time with his parents.

Even with the shenanigans that ensue (because this is a comic), his time in this dream is fun, and relaxing. Until he works out he’s dreaming, and has to let it go. Superman gets the choice of happiness, or duty, and he takes duty.

The scene in which he says goodbye to his “son”, who does not exist and therefore does not matter, is heartbreaking, and if I ever do comic reviews, I’m talking about this one first.

I now turn your gaze to queen Angella, from whose perspective this story is being told.

The episode actually does a bit of a bait and switch with the point of view, convincing its audience that it is about either Glimmer or Bow, and it kind of is, but not entirely.

Angella has everything she could possibly want, her daughter, her husband, her city. There is no war, there is nothing. Everything is perfect.

“This is perfect, my love, but it’s not real. I remember now. I miss you so much, but Glimmer needs my help, and I can’t stay with nothing but memories. Goodbye Micah”

Does this ring any bells?

I want to point out that this is still Catra’s hallucination, the thing that she wants. So why does she want Angella and Glimmer to be happy?

Catra wants Adora, and arguably loves her, but in an extremely dysfunctional way that says "if I can't have her, nobody can". She is petty, and fully the villain in this episode.

So, the way that she gets Adora to be hers is by ensuring that the people who accepted her would have no space for her in their lives. Why would Glimmer want to spend time with Adora? She has her father. Why would Angella accept Adora? She has her family.

What Catra doesn’t understand is that love isn’t transactional, and that these people are genuinely kind and accepting.

There's the idea of "what you are in the dark." The concept of what a person does when there are no consequences. Characters in this episode keep getting moments like this, when they know that they are fading from existence, and are given moments to show their true colours. Entrapta chooses to be grateful, Bow chooses to be reassuring, and Glimmer chooses to be emotional.

The thing that breaks people out of Catra’s reality is the unexpected. Its Catra’s lack of understanding of people that leads to those people being themselves and instinctively breaking free.

Case and point, Angella and Glimmer help Adora, and because this world was completely unprepared for that minour act of kindness, it can’t keep them contained.

Now, I know what scene you are expecting me to talk about, so I’m going to make you wait, and talk about Catra instead.

Catra is the villain of this episode. If it wasn’t for this being set in her mind, she would have zero nuance. By which I mean, everything about her as a character here is done externally, the way she acts makes her seem like a generic, abusive partner.

Because let me be clear about Catra’s actions here. This is abuse, and it is treated as such by the story. The show doesn’t make apologies for her in this episode, or try to justify it here. Subtlety be damned here, Catra is abusive.

And so, I will read her this way, for this episode. We have seen the nuance leading up to this moment, and we will see a redemption arc. But this is Catra at her lowest, and so I will put aside the past and future to examine the present and the present only. Catra is abusive.

There are two ways you could read this drop in subtlety. One, there are parts of this character that you aren’t seeing, left blank. This episode is presenting you with a character and not showing you the whole thing. Or two, this is a character who has been broken by the story, almost as if parts of her have been removed or lost. Catra is now a fragment of her former self.

I wonder if any of this is reflected in her character design.

“If you hadn’t gotten captured, your sword wouldn’t have opened the portal. If you hadn’t gotten the sword and been the world’s worst She-Ra, none of this would have happened. Admit it Adora, the world would still be standing if you had never come through that portal in the first place.”

This hurts Adora because it’s true. Ok that’s unfair, and inaccurate, but it’s not entirely wrong, and that’s the kicker.

Catra isn’t making this up, she’s just leaving out important details. Because of course, if Adora hadn’t been captured, things would have worked out better, but who was it that captured her? Who was it that made the choice to pull the switch? Who was it that destroyed the world out of spite?

Catra blames Adora for her own actions, and that is, once again, abuse. Which is why it’s so satisfying when Adora stands up for herself.

“I didn’t make you pull the switch. I didn’t make you do anything. I didn’t break the world. But I am gonna fix it.”

Hope is relentless.

But I also want to point out the claiming of agency here. Catra was weirdly insightful at the start of her monologue.

“It's always the same with you, Adora. ‘I have to do this. Oh, we have to do that.’”

Adora’s word choice is a flaw. I looked back at the past few seasons and did a word search through the scripts. I don’t think Adora uses the word “want” more than once at all up to this point.

Essentially, Catra sees things, but extrapolates exactly the wrong message from it. It’s almost as if she’s only seeing half of the world, like her vision is impaired or incomplete somehow.

I wonder if that is reflected in her character design.

In any case, Adora frequently says that she “has to” do things. “Need” is also something she says a lot, and this has the effect of making her an extremely passive character in her own story.

Like I said, this is a moment of agency, but the entire story is a story about that agency. The characters are making choices to either get out of or go along with the downward spiral that the tragic form has set out for them. Catra made the choice to follow, but Adora didn’t. Adora’s word choice makes her look like she has made no choice, but a lack of action is still a decision.

So here, when Adora declares she is “gonna fix it", she takes her agency and decides to walk in a different direction.

This reminds me of an earlier episode, that being Promise.

Hey, look at that action. Looks familiar, right?

This is the only episode I found where Adora says she wants something, although her actual wording is “I never wanted to leave you” when talking to Catra. Go figure.

The moment in question was the episode’s namesake.

“It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.” “You promise?” “I promise.”

Agency. Adora is making a decision to stay with Catra and protect her. She is knowingly choosing to do something.

It’s telling that the two most prominent times Adora has done this have been to protect people. It’s almost as if she wants to be useful, or helpful, or protective. Almost as if she wants to be wanted. It would seem Adora is just as addicted to the highs of Shadow Weaver’s programming as Catra, she just has a better support group.

Although this isn’t a full victory, she doesn’t want to save the world, she is just going to, – we still don’t know what Adora wants – this is a partial success. Hold onto that idea, it will come back later.

“Do you want to know a secret? I am a coward. I've always been the queen who stays behind. Micah was the brave one. And then Glimmer, oh, Glimmer. So much like her father. And once again I stayed behind, letting her make the hard choices, letting her be brave for me. I told myself I was being responsible, but, Adora, I was just scared. And then I met you. You inspired us. You inspired me. Not because it was your destiny, but because you never let fear stop you. And now I choose to be brave.”

Queen Angella is voiced by Reshma Shetty. She doesn’t get much praise, but for this monologue, I think she deserves so much more than she got.

In my fourth post about She-Ra, I discussed Adora’s ability to inspire and linked her to Batman, something I stand by to this day.

In universe, She-Ra isn’t important because she’s a warrior. She exists as a leader, to protect people and pull them into a greater tomorrow. She shines a light for others to follow.

That is what happens in The Portal, Adora succeeds not by fighting the enemy, but by being herself. She only becomes She-Ra to destroy the portal at the end. To save Etheria, the giant sword lady isn’t important.

I mentioned earlier that humans are fragile and resilient at the same time, and I give you Angella as evidence for that claim. Here is someone who has lost her husband, and makes decisions based on that fear and trauma. But when push comes to shove, the fear is secondary.

Reality falling apart lets directors get away with true nonsense. Micah's staff has no reason to be here, other than the fact that it makes a phenomenal metaphor for Angella's trauma. But that's all you need.

Jon Pertwee was the third doctor, and while he isn’t nearly as iconic or influential as some of his predecessors and successors, he did deliver the line that defined the whole series.

“Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.”

I started my discussion of this season by claiming that this is the season in which the characters put a dent the tragic cycle, and I have mentioned several times that the cycle of abuse is unstable. So, here is my thesis.

Catra’s arc fails, not in a story sense, but in a personal one. The idea that every character has a single story arc is something is a specific bugbear of mine, and Catra is kind of my case and point for that. She has a redemption arc up to this point, and she ends up as a villain. Then the story continues and she has to start again and decide where to go next. She has no choice but to move in a different direction from here.

But she tasted redemption already. The crimson wastes gave her a taste of what she is missing, and it offered her an out. It gave her a choice, she made one, and consequences were served. I can’t help but imagine that for the entirety of the next season, she is considering running off to the wastes again.

That idea of consequences comes back with Adora, who makes a good decision, and is rewarded for it. Or rather, she makes a decision to actually do something. Adora becomes an active character, and that is what starts to break the cycle. Because now the motion is halted, and the puppets are pulling the strings.

But, this isn’t a complete victory. Angella is lost, Entrapta and Micah are still gone, none of the villains actually get defeated. For an episode with lasting consequences, not much actually happened.

This episode is big on the fact that this is all a dream, which should destroy the engagement. But it doesn’t. In reality, it preserves the status quo physically, but lets all the characters spontaneously experience character development. The victory of this season is that growth, but it came at a cost.

I want to briefly talk about that final shot, before I go, because this is how you introduce a villain. Sure, the voice acting is impeccable, and the cinematography gives an air of mystery and menace to this threat, but the showstopper is the reveal that this villain can destroy a moon with ease.

You see a fleet of ships, there was no battle here, just a villain showing off for nobody but himself. He gets interrupted by the plot, and he’s busy DESTROYING A MOON.

Horde Prime is f***ing terrifying.

This scene is in this episode too. It's meant to show how reality is falling apart, but I actually have a reading of why it's here. I think Catra wanted to preserve who Adora was, hence why she is the source of all the paradoxes. But Catra doesn't understand that Mara's legacy and Razz's teaching are a big part of Adora.

Final Thoughts

I’m going to talk about the implications for later seasons for a moment here, so if you’re avoiding spoilers, now you know.

I think Catra being the villain here makes her redemption so much more compelling, because she actually needs it. There is a difference between this and, for example, Hunter from The Owl House, who doesn’t really need redemption because he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Catra here has very much done wrong and is evil as defined by the show. But the show’s message is that anyone can change, and that the cycle of abuse isn’t set in stone.

So, Catra will redeem herself, and she will struggle, and fall back, and try again. Forgive her or not, the redemption is the effort to be better.

Next week (or whenever the next post is released, I have a terrible work schedule), I will be discussing The Coronation, so stick around if that interests you.

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#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...?#character analysis #she ra and the princesses of power #spop #she ra #spop glimmer #she ra spop #spop angella #spop adora #spop catra #alan moore #for the man who has everything #king micah #meta #meta analysis

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very-grownup · 6 months

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We started a new cdrama over Easter weekend and while @gyobaku appears to be watching something quality with a magic chicken, I'm still paying for a iQiyi subscription, so we're watching White Cat Legend: Oops All Doofuses.

I cannot stress enough how much the short summary on mydramalist fails to make two important factors clear:

Cat.

Idiots.

So far everything else comes well after Cat and Idiots.

I said just pick something based on vibes and the vibes were informed entirely by this image:

Accurate, but it's missing an important element.

Cat.

Simple country boy Chen Shi (Zhou Qi) comes to the big city in search of his brother (reason currently to be determined) and in his innocent helpfulness finds himself both responsible for the arrest of human traffickers and being arrested with a cranky, drugged cat. Chen Shi Does Not Understand and passes out when the cat bites him. He wakes up out of prison and in the company of Li Bing (Ding Yu Xi), the son of the assassinated minister of justice who disappeared three years ago (THREE YEARS AGO).

But now he's back and here to check on the pursuit of justice and investigate the events surrounding his father's death and also he's now a cat.

Why is Cat? is also one of the mysteries he has to solve. He was apparently dying of backstory tuberculosis before Cat Happened, so Cat really seems to be all upsides at this point in the series. He doesn't seem to have to Be Cat at certain times or under certain conditions, it's just a thing he can do at will. He can be an attractive young man or a beautifully silky white CGI cat ...

... or a man with an hilariously badly incorporated grumpy CGI cat head. Is it "bobcat in Story of Kunning Palace" bad? Who can say. The nuances of "bad" can be so subjective.

But it's not just about Li Bing investigating the mysteries of his personal tragedy and Cat, it's also about becoming the boss of the four biggest doofus incompetents in the ministry:

Cui Bei (Ding Jia Wen), pessimistic sadsack with an eidetic memory who brings disaster down upon himself and those around him

Wang Qi (Feng Man), the self-appointed leader of the doofuses whose overconfidence in his own skills is matched only by his laziness

Sun Bao (Zhang Yi Cong), the scarred muscle and army vet who is a devotee of fortune tellers and would very much not like to have to fight anything

Ali Baba (Kudusjan Anivar/Wa Er), the Foreign One (you can't say Foreign Idiot because they're all idiots)

Together they ... solve ... crime while Chen Shi just wants to have a pet cat and protect stray children.

It's very silly and charming and I know Ambiguously Foreign character named /Ali Baba/ is some kind of race /something/ but as an outsider in every way I can't even begin to say what. Anivar is Uyghur and I think he's the first non-Han actor we've encountered in the dramas we've watched. Just an interesting bit of something to note in watching a very silly show.

Cat.

#cdrama #white cat legend

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mirpuzzle · 5 months

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I've been really curious about this, who are your top ten Yu-Gi-Oh characters?

Hello! 🌷 Usually, I only have a few favorites. So, aside from the first three, the rest is constantly changing. I'll try to put them in order (all under the cut).

♡. 10 ── Carly Nagisa (5Ds)

What's not to love about her? She's funny, pretty, and a complete mess of a person. She gets in all sorts of trouble, all because she's trying to make a living. I like it when she gets screen time.

♡. 9 ── Noa Kaiba (DM)

He was my favorite as a kid, so I still have a special place in my heart for him. His story made me cry. He did not deserve that. He only wanted others to understand him. You're valid, Noa.

♡. 8 ── Yusei Fudo (5Ds)

It's rare for me to favor a protagonist. That's how you know he's good. This man is a blessing to Yugioh. He has a natural charisma that's impossible to ignore. He's perfect.

♡. 7 ── Bandit Keith (DM)

...I think. I have mixed feelings toward him. I don't even know why he's on this list. I keep going to him in games where Kotsuzuka is not there. So, that must mean I like him, right? I'm confused.

Cross Duel showed me he can be really nice to you if you help him win. I appreciate how he helps other duelists fortify their decks, using the themes they originally had instead of giving them a completely new deck. He cares.

While there's no excuse for what he did to Kotsuzuka and the boys, the fact that, behind that 'bad guy' front, there's a sad, broken man makes me feel bad for him. He deserves to heal.

♡. 6 ── Ryou Bakura (DM)

The anime doesn't do him justice. The more I learn about him through other fans and Duel Links, the more I like him. He's a precious cream puff who likes spooky stuff and is treated terribly by almost everyone. He deserves better (friends).

♡. 5 ── Divine (5Ds)

This man is terrible in every way, and that's the point. I hate that his character was designed to be hated. He gets no backstory, no redemption arc, no nothing. He's just there to be blamed for every bad thing that's ever happened. I pity him. He's the worst. I love this guy.

♡. 4 ── Thief King Bakura (DM)

PLEASE give this guy a break. He has gone through enough. The way he pulled himself back up after all that tragedy is impressive. Imagine how one skillful Thief became a Pharaoh's major threat. A Thief who brings up important moral questions that society seems to ignore (deliberately). He deserves to be heard.

♡. 3 ── Kiyoshi Takaido & Satake (DM)

They share third place because I can't have one without the other. I automatically started loving them because they're close friends with Kotsuzuka. I like that they care about him. These guys have so much potential to explore, and it's a shame we see so little of them.

They're not 'Keith's lackeys'. They're duelists in their own right. They have ambitions and aspirations. They just didn't get to be in the spotlight.

♡. 2 ── Yami Bakura (DM)

Sometimes switches places with Takaido and Satake but usually stays in second place. He's wickedly perfect. From his gorgeous design to how he pretends everything is part of his plan, even though he's literally dissipating into nothingness. He has the nerve to make empty threats that he never carries out. And I love him for that. No one can deny that he looks cool when he shows how evil™️ he is.

There's something beautiful about this ancient evil spirit dedicating his existence to fulfill his objective - all while showing us that he can enjoy normal human activities, like playing games. The complexity of his character captivates me. You can study him for hours, and it will still take you a while to figure him out due to his confusing lore. I like reading what other fans have to say about him.

The way he makes others suffer causes me to have mixed feelings. Sure, I love angst. I just wish there were some feelings involved.

Seeing him make enemies with almost everyone he crosses paths with makes me think he wants to keep everyone away, and that's sad. I want him to care about someone other than himself. I want someone to care about him.

♡. 1 ── Ghost Kotsuzuka (DM)

Yes, that one guy who's known for using Zombie-Type monsters. That short, spooky 15-year-old who walks around hunched over pretending to be a ghost, not realizing he's too cute to be scary. That naive boy who trusted the wrong person and then was unlucky enough to cross paths with the main antagonist. He's my favorite.

I love him. The way his eyes light up when he talks about the things he likes is adorable. I could listen to him gush about ghosts for hours.

His character tends to be frustratingly misinterpreted and overlooked. It's sad that some people think of him as nothing more than collateral damage to Yami Bakura's 'mischief'. He deserves better than that.

When you see past his 'side antagonist' role, you realize he's a precious little guy who's trying his best. Behind that ghostly, mischievous smile, there's a lost youth looking for guidance from a 'big bro' figure he can look up to, whether he realizes this or not.

Despite the differences in his characterization between the manga, anime, and games, one thing remains consistent. He grows into someone who wants to prove he can duel by himself.

But what does he get? Nothing but pain. Betrayed, deceived, ending up dead or lost in the darkness, condemned in almost every canon, with only his sentient Duel Links data to remember him by.

He only wanted to duel.

---------------------ꕥ

I'll stop here. Otherwise, I'll be talking about Kotsuzuka for hours. Thank you so much for the ask! ♡ Sorry that it took a while. I was struggling to organize what I wanted to say for some of the characters, and I wanted to add some art :3

Keep in mind that I've only seen Duel Monsters and the first half of 5Ds, so there are many characters I don't know yet.

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jasminedragonart · 7 months

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My goal for this year is to read more books. There were a lot of books I avoided when I was younger just because I thought they weren't for me. I'm starting to realise that a lot of books are and it just wasn't time for me to read them yet. Others I've found are as badly written as I thought they would be and it makes me question why I want to read books by author's I haven't read from before.

Anyway, so far the books I've read that I've enjoyed are:

The Wheel of Time: Books 1 and 2. I have book 3 and plan to read it, however I fond out that this is an unfinished series since the author died. While it is technically finished, it was finished by Brandon Sanderson and while I have his books on my reading list, I don't think reading without Robert Jordan's penmanship will really bring justice to the world I've invested in. THAT BEING SAID, the first two books are SO good. I picked this book up by chance when I was away last year and put it back because the blurb was the vaguest thing I've ever seen. Except, then it haunted me once I heard there was a TV show. I haven't watched it, nor do I plan to since they seemed to have taken it in a different direction. But if you're looking for a good fantasy series to read, even if it's just the first few books, this one hasn't let me down yet.

The Raven Boys: I haven't finished this one yet but the book is good so far. I have the other 3 on the way that's how invested in this series I am right now. I've read other works by this author before, the Shiver one, and while I don't remember hating it I don't remember liking that one much. This book is good though. I'm enjoying it.

The Neverending Story: This one I enjoyed reading but I found that it's definitely a children's book. I picked it up in the hopes to read this to my niece when she's a little older. I thought it wouldn't be until she was around 10 before I could read this with her, but I'm happy that it's simple enough that I'll be able to read it to her maybe when she's around 3-7 Not too scary, not too detailed and while the movie is phenomenal, I really enjoyed this book as well.

The Folk of the Air series: I read them all. There were things in this I enjoyed. I liked the world building of the faerie realm. I also enjoyed some of the politics. But the book had its faults too. It's very teenager-ish. Which isn't inherently bad. The Raven Boys is proving to be better at it though. Jude and Cardan were... at times hard to read. It was quite predictable at times and it's not the best enemies to lovers book out there but I managed to finish it and I did enjoy it. It's something I would recommend to people, but not something I would rave about like I would the Wheel of Time.

I'm looking for other books to read after this. So far my list is:

The rest of the Raven Cycle (3 books) The Way of Kings series (These are so long and there's like 4 books) The Wheel of Time (Book 3 and maybe 4) God of War Inkheart

If there's anything else you would recommend let me know. If anyone has read any Robin Hobb books let me know if they're any good, I'm looking for a good fantasy series.

Also also if anyone knows if someone has written a Davy Jones and Calypso book let me know. I wish Disney had decided to do a prequel on them or at least release a book but I have yet to find one.

#books #book recommendations

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faberown · 4 months

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These are the lyrics of the first song in the story, entitled "I'll bring my justice", sung by Adam. The music is a combination of the following songs:

-) Stayed Gone (Hazbin Hotel)

-) Where is the justice (Death Note: the musical)

-) Ready as I'll ever be (Tangled: the animated series)

-) Stayed Gone Lute and Lilith version (cover by MilkyyMelodies, Youtube)

-) Exorcists - Heaven's propaganda song (Neural Bard, Youtube)

Context: after the battle against Cain, Adam, now a man with nothing left to lose and obsessed with the desire for revenge towards Lucifer and Lilith, sees in the Extermination planned by the Heavenly Council an opportunity to make them suffer, and so decides to guide it and invite the angels of high rank to approve it, and he creates an army made by all the victims of the sinners in order to destroy them without remorse.

You can find the song at this chapter:

(ADAM)

Now is done,

you really thought I could just stay gone?

Well, not for long!

Lilith and Lucifer may have won

but now in this brand new dawn,

I'll come there and stop you filthy spawn!

I run the ship now so let me be clear,

you took Cain from me, I won't forgive,

your situation was never this severe!

I will tear your subjects down,

get you back in line,

broken all your hope,

so you will take it a sign

that there's nothing you can do,

you will never be divine,

I'll start this right now, you're out of time!

This place is supposed to be eternal praise,

so why should I let their fear increase?

Why should they spend their days,

hoping that never Roo awakes?

It's not fair, this is not what I want,

I'll create a new Heaven that respect my thought!

I'll bring my justice upon you all,

your cruelty will be your own downfall!

Do it: murder, kill, rape, steal! Be the worse!

I'll exterminate you all without remorse!

Your victims will celebrate with your blood,

and I, well, I'll make of it a flood!

What's the problem, after all?

Hell is forever, didn't you know?

What's the point to live in damnation,

isn't far better end up in Extermination?

My dear demons, watch your back!

And no, this isn't just a soundtrack!

It is the sound that announces the hunt,

so hurry up, hide, you cunt!

I'll reunite them all,

every victim will answer my call,

I'll guide them down there for you

and they will kill you screaming 'yahoo'!

Look, Lilith, while I destroy,

come on, laugh, don't be a killjoy!

Don't you love to see

all this despair run free?

What's the problem, it's because they are your toys?

You don't want to lose all these bad girls and boys?

Oh, poor woman, now are you crying?

I didn't even start trying!

I'll tear your entire army apart,

mine will be consider almost an art!

Lucifer, my friend, what's that face?

Your marriage is burning in a furnace?

Well, Lilith will give you the deadbet king award,

after all, you've always been a coward!

While you two will torture each other,

I'll continue, don't worry, I won't bother!

I'll enjoy every bit of your sadness,

it'll be a pleasure to see you two fall in madness!

I don't see why we should wait,

do you want the demons coming at our gate?

I personally cannot stop the desire

to stop those two assholes to build their empire!

This discussion is senseless and petty,

what stop us, those who fucked up already?

They lost their chance,

there is no reason to show reluctance!

Heaven is for winners,

Hell is for sinners,

the rules are clear like sunlight,

so why now you are continuing to fight?

There is no point to argue anymore,

you have my approvation furthermore,

and if the Father of Humanity is okay,

who still stand in your way?

(AZRAEL)

How dare you, Adam! No one has brought music to this hall since the fall of Lucifer! And how dare you fly up to the ceiling, as if you were superior to us all? Who do you think you are!?

(ADAM)

Who am I? I am the first man, bitch,

the one who will tear apart that witch!

I'll punish every sinner here or in the future,

until the universe we'll again be pure,

and I'll do so whether with your help or not!

Now those idiots are boiling in their pot,

and I should stay here looking from the spot,

waiting that Lilith find a new shot?

I won't let her do this,

neither her people, that's a guarantee,

I'll hunt them and bring my justice down!

She thinks she can use whoever as her pawn,

just because Lucifer is so weak,

but I won't let her try another jailbreak!

(MICHAEL)

Stop your words, Adam! Why are you so hateful?

Shouldn't you be more graceful?

Your descendants are down in Hell too,

there on the shell of Roo,

and yet you tell us that you don't care,

and let you become their nightmare?

If we think about it more, maybe we can find a way,

and we don't have to do as you say,

just leave Lucifer a little more time,

and he may avoid this crime...!

(ADAM)

Well, of a detail you have to be aware:

I really don't know and don't care!

Another way, is there or is there not?

I don't care a fuck, I just want them boil in their pot!

While you spend time talking,

down there the wretched are freely walking,

and they sin, they sin, they sin,

continuing to follow their cruel doctrin!

Believe me, I know,

this would mean sunk pretty low,

but you know what? That's fine!

It's not fault of mine,

some justice must be served,

and whatever I'll do they deserved!

(MICHAEL)

Who deserve to live is not written on a list with a divine pen,

the world is not black and white, there isn't such simple certain!

(ADAM)

Then perhaps it's time to drain the color out of its den

so we can see black and white, and wrong and right again!

(MICHAEL)

Overwrought pronouncements won't improve the paradigm...

(ADAM)

... only if we let our kindness become a crime!

What about the victims waiting for some justice?

Should we say them that there is no solution for all that malice?

What about their pain and their cry of desperation?

Should we welcome them here and say them that there is no actual compensation!?

Heaven is silent to all this evil,

and let every bad person on Earth be a lucky devil!

The powerful and the bullies dictate the rules,

they prepare wars, massacres and cruelty like they were job schedules,

and when everything they do goes wrong,

they remain unaccountable strong,

while the innocents are hit by the waves

and they are turned into sex toys, prisoner and slaves!

The noble and riches get away with murder and rape,

and they don't even feel ashamed and hid under a cape!

The poor people live like chicken in a humble hen,

waiting for their master to come and steal their precious children!

Kings and priests shout words of honor,

but pain and suffering is all what they are donor!

Every time a rich-dressed mouth starts to talk,

on Earth evil begins to walk!

How can we just say that this is just how it is?

Where is the justice in all of this?

I am now sick to death of all this stuff

and I have no qualms about saying ENOUGH!

(ZADKIEL)

Rulers and senators make their speeches all day long,

while judges pushing pencils mostly get it wrong!

(BARACHIEL)

Those people will never be punished in their world,

protected by their blood, status, creed and sinful gold!

(URIEL AND RAPHAEL)

Instead of loopholes for the laws to fall between,

why not let some good old fashioned payback grease the wheels of the machine?"

(ADAM)

Now Heaven has expressed itself,

so why should I stop myself?

I have no actual reason

to avoid going down into that dark prison!

No demon brings me fear,

no shade I'll let draw near,

this sacred axe of mine I'll wield,

and the gates of Heaven I'll shield!

In the Hell's landscape, where sinners wait,

and darkness marks the day,

with holy weapons drawn,

at the break of dawn

I'll purify the cursed way

putting all the evil at bay!

In the fight for souls astray,

I will lead the way!

At the edges of night, where demons incite,

with faith's bright light, and spirits white,

I'll guard that gate so pure

and make Heaven's victory sure!

Now it's time to decide,

should we do or not this genocide?

Well, the answer is easy to see:

we can't let them roam free!

And so I'll stand up and fight

because I know that I'm right,

and I said my opinion already:

I'M READY!

(AZRAEL)

Go, then. Choose your army, and then lead the troops against Hell!

(ADAM)

Now you all are in front of me,

are you ready as you'll ever be?

Because I am, more than ever,

ready to remember demons that Hell is forever!

It's time for them to face justice,

and we won't have to be nice,

let's cook them worse than a fucking fry,

let's turn the ground more red that their bloody sky!

They make you all suffer,

but now you are bully and they are duffer!

Becoming the villain isn't the answer,

is this what said some hustler?

What a joke, they were surely a prankster,

revenge can only give you laughter!

The path we're on is a path paved in black

but I'm taking this road and I'm not looking back!

Yes, this is dark, but I see where it ends,

my enemies will fall as my power ascends!

Will they despise me? That's fine!

I'm just taking what's mine,

and what's mine is my justice,

my justice, my justice, my justice!

My dear Lilith and Lucifer, if I can't win

I'm gonna make you wish you died with him

for your every sin!

And even if when I'm done,

I'll barely recognize what I've become,

well I don't care a damn,

now just let me have my... FUN!

#adam #adam hate the morningstars #hazbin adam #adam wants revenge #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #hazbin exterminators #revenge #song #adam sing

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silviakundera · 5 months

Text

The Spirealm episode 5 -7 reaction (Let's call this episode 4 now per the new 38 episodes version)

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

[1] [2] [3-4]

DON'T LEAN ON THE BANISTER ASDFGHJK

Ruan Baijie saving his boyfriend's ass yet again, must be Tuesday.

Then first key!!!! I wanna see the key!!!!!!!!

The survivors: wow, ok, Baijie really loves u

"Are you leaving so soon and reluctant to leave me?" // "No, it's not that," he lies

The suspicious survivors just couldn't resist trying to steal the door note and now no one has the key but the monster NICE GOING 😒

ahh and then the reveal that ofc Ruan Baijie figured out the taboos long before. He saves those who are worthy (aka his new partner).

wow Ruan Baijie is pretty. gifs don't do him justice.

Death match vs the bad hair day from The Ring.

Ep6

The whole scene in the opening of ep 6 is terribly cute. Ruan Baijie exposed as a drama sprite who was faking his injury, but Lin Quishi just accepts this in good humor as he's told this was just to "bring us closer" and for fun. Another round of, you're really picking me? but why?

He really does the, 'come closer' move to make your crush get up close so you can create a sense of intimacy with hushed voices smh

"Because there is light in you."

oh, did you give me this expensive looking necklace because you want me to join your gang?

no, because you are you.

..... misses the very gay pass completely.

(tbh I feel as if the actor is playing it like his character IS sensing the romantic undertones sometimes but doesn't know how to respond/not ready to process it and so represses & pushes it out of his mind and to the side)

Ep 7

They solved the case. Ruan Baijie gives him back the key again, "Still yours." They exchange a romantic look before he steps over.

Our protagonist thinks he's back in reality and only 15 minutes have passed. But of course that's not true: whether he entered the game time A, B, C, or it's the 12th Door theory... he's still in-play.

A roommate?? This must be the Wei what's his face, his One Friend I recall from the novel. With the girlfriend.

Injuries from the door lingering "outside".

Chestnut won't let him hug! (The clue in the novel that this is still within the door. Now, is this a new phenom or was it already Like That in ep 1? 🤔 Remains ambiguous.)

Wait, in this drama the One Friend has heard of Spirealm?! And it's eviiiill reputation. Everyone who plays it "goes insane and commits suicide". Lin Quishi acts like he hasn't already been warned that players die from the game.

Ah, created by a chinese designer who wanted to make a "comprehensive spirit world". The story goes, after he made it he added all the violent elements to the version he sold, to make it a bloody survival game.

'Can't control when you enter the door, can't get rid of it, Men Can Conquer Heaven'.

Bro goes to sleep and startles awake cause Ruan Nanzhu fka Baijie is pulling an Edward Cullen by his bedside. The more intense looking Nanzhu asks him to come along. Naturally, our boy stumbles along and meets!!! Cheng Qianli!!!!!!! 😄😄😄😄 Who is driving, like the scene in the novel. IM SO HAPPY.

Headquarters!!!!! The group!#####!!!! I'm hyped to see them all live & in color.

Emphasized again that once you enter the game, you must complete all 12 doors to get rid of the mental control of the game. ~Mind control~

(because the censors won't allow it to be explicitly supernatural)

(which doesn't mean the writer didn't intend to get around this barrier by using subtext & inferences that novel readers would understand 🤔🤔)

The clue for his next door freaks out the whole house. But then he meets cranky Cheng Yixie!!!!

He's settling in but the moment he glimpses Nanzhu's returned BUT INJURED *gasp* Must scurry down for hurt/comfort UST.

Love how absolutely unnecessary this hand-holding is. Light piano background to set the romantic mood.

A gurgling stomach growl from Ruan Nanxhu & Lin Quishi takes the initiative to stand up and make himself at home to cook for the man who's obviously being positioned as his love interest. (Like in The Untamed & Word of Honor, we're not being terribly subtle here.)

This is the 3rd time we've seen an instinctive caretaking gesture from him towards Nanzhu and the last moment as we fade out is the "boss man" looking down at his newly bestowed bandage and obviously GOING THRU IT. He's making this sigh and curling his fingers and everything.

side note: Lin Quishi is getting flashes of himself trapped under rubble. This is the second time we see them. Are they flash backs? Of a past event he survived, giving him baggage to carry? OR are we circling back again to my alternate, alternate theory that an evil VR game is part of the illusion and this IS the supernatural Doors from the novel that terminal people can get a chance to enter, to prolong or possibly prevent your death? (if so, then Ruan Nanzhu is still indeed the 12th door god. and Lin Quishi must decide to remain in the fantasy or exit & return to reality?)

#the spirealm #the spirealm spoilers #silvia watches the spirealm #cdrama #im gonna queue these thru the weekend but try to space them out #if they annoy u just block the tag silvia watches the spirealm

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ladysomething · 6 months

Note

Oh my goodness thank you so much for such a detailed answer and for entertaining my long, rambling mess of an ask. I appreciate you and I LOVE learning more about your writing process. It’s so interesting to me and it makes me appreciate the fic even more knowing how much work and care you and SaiyanWitcher put into every chapter. I will ask again at the end of WYGIG to find out what foreshadowing moments you loved the most, I promise! And in the meantime I am so excited to see what things I’m right about and what things are gonna surprise me! (Also I think I’m already wrong about the Kelly thing because I forgot in ch2 that Charles said she didn’t have a mating bite, so my new prediction is that Max was helping Kelly escape from a bad situation and that Max’s mum was the one he saw go through mate withdrawal, but don’t tell me if I’m right! I’m living for the suspense!!)

And tiny details like the vase thing are truly my favourite thing. Idk, they just are that special something that makes a fic go from amazing to like, god-tier for me. And now since you said you love when people pick up on tiny details, here’s some others I noticed that I loved, just in case me noticing them can also bring you some joy.

Before the auction, Mattia touches his own face when referring to Charles’ muzzle in ch1 and Max gestures at his face similarly in ch2 when trying to get permission from Charles to remove the muzzle (and then the contrast of Mattia’s cruelty and Max’s gentleness that follows those similar actions is !!!!! so good !!)

I loved how in ch1 when Charles is trying to mentally block out the auction, he focuses on pretending he’s back in his childhood apartment since that was a safe place for him, and then that’s the same place his dreamworld is based on when we see it in ch3!

Charles self soothing by stroking his teddy in ch2 and by stroking the sheets in his nest the same way in ch4 broke my heart a lil.

And Charles described Max’s scent as most collecting on petals of daffodils and jasmine when Max was trying to calm him down in ch3 and then max describes Charles’ scent as strawberries and jasmine in ch4. Love the subtle overlap, those boys are meant to be (even if it’s a Rough Start)!!!

This ask is now longer than my first outrageously long ask, I am so so sorry. And I don’t even have a question so def don’t feel obligated to reply to this one LOL. But I have so much love for your writing and so appreciate your willingness to answer my (and everyone else’s) questions about your writing and this story!!

anon, I need you to understand that I've had a really difficult week writing WYGIG. I know exactly what has to to happen, and I'm so excited for the next chapter, and yet I am struggling to get words down on the paper.

Your previous ask, and now this one, are so immeasurably delightful to me and they are the exact type of thing I needed to hear. I don't know if you'll ever be able to understand just how meaningful the things you've said are.

I honestly don't think I even have the words to thank you for your extremely kind and thoughtful asks, so instead I'm giving you what is an extremely meagre offering in return: a snippet from chapter 5.

It's below the cut, for anybody who doesn't want the spoilers.

“Is this your Dreyma Ver-öld?”

Charles’ fingers slip on the keys, discordant noise filling the air. He whips around on the seat, horror filling him as he sees Max standing in the middle of the living room, dripping water everywhere and looking around curiously.

“You,” Charles seethes. “What are you doing here?”

But he already knows the answer, of course. Max claimed him, so just like every other part of his life, Max gets access to this, too. At least he seems to have woken up outside, where it’s still pouring rain. At least there are small justices.

“Mine doesn’t look like this,” Max says, ignoring the question entirely.

Charles wouldn’t have any idea what Max’s Dream World might look like. He’ll never get to see it, because to see it he’d have to claim Max back. No, instead, Charles is doomed to a life giving everything to Max and getting nothing in return.

“Was this your home?”

Charles grits his teeth and turns back around to his piano, stubbornly refusing to answer.

“What was the shed outside?” Max asks a few moments later. “I tried to go in, but—”

“You can’t go in there,” Charles snaps, shoulders hunched. He doesn’t care how confrontational he sounds—he’d rather die than let Max near the memories locked in that shed.

#anon ask #lestappen fic #lestappen #where you go i go

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theragamuffininitiative · 10 months

Note

Hi! I’ve seen your tags but I don’t think I’ve seen a post about it, so may I ask what your cowboy story is about?

Hellooo!

I need to go fix a lot of my tags bc I couldn't remember what I have posted about it, but mostly I did a few posts during Yeehawgust and that was it. XD

Ok so.

Several years ago I was binging episodes of Bonanza (I was also depressed ok), and stumbled across one called "The Avenger" which introduced this soft-spoken, genteel drifter who shows up just in time to stop some of the main characters from being executed for a crime they didn't commit. When they finally ask him why he cared enough to endanger himself with the real criminals, he explains his father was wrongfully killed and he's seeking the men who did it - yet the episode shows him going out of his way to avoid killing, even when up against some of the men he is after and him being a deadly-excellent crack shot.

We aren't given the man's proper name in the story, but he's from a town called Lasater, Kansas, and so Lasater is what the townfolk call him.

The episode was intended to spin off its own series, about Lasater, and another show, Outlaws, featured an episode starring the same actor with loosely the same story. This man was given a name, but it was imho a silly name so I stuck with Lasater. (I think he was loosely inspired by the Zane Grey character Lasater, which is probably why they gave him another name later.) In any case, the spinoff never happened, and Lasater's story remained unfinished.

But I loved him. I have rewatched that episode multiple times since. The character is just so....??

He befriends and protects a young boy in town. (He has a real soft spot for kids in particular, and in the Outlaws episode he allows an older boy to become his partner after similarly protecting and befriending him.)

He spoils his horse.

He's a loner by mission but you can tell he really likes people and enjoys having company.

He wears his hat adorably back on his head like a little kid.

He's really concerned with cleanliness, it's noted in both episodes lol.

He's kind and refuses to be provoked by hotheaded men.

He is moved to empathy for but not swayed by the damsel in distress.

He has a sense of humor drier than the desert.

He's dangerous in a calm sort of way.

He defeats the bad guys by compassionately but firmly convincing a scared woman to tell the truth (and then of course there is a shootout but he actually has very little to do with it).

I loved the character and the hints of his story (his lawman father hanged by outlaws, his town burned, his mission to bring the villains to justice - that justice being a jail and a court trial) so entirely, that when I found out the episode had entered the public domain, I dug in to write the rest of his story.

In my continuation, Lasater and his new young friend Sonny are on the trail of the remaining outlaws (it would have made a good mini series, but not a long-standing one probably, so I can tie up all the loose ends in a novel lol), and the trail leads them to a small town that wants nothing to do with trouble, but where they must make their final stand against the murderous gang. I get to turn a few more tropes on their head (like what roles Lasater and Sonny play in the climax, and a love interest who is not a love interest) and... Yeah. Couple of cowboys came and stole my heart.

Ended up writing it for last year's NaNoWriMo project and I'm trying to get up the time and energy to begin rewrites.

For now, the story is still called Lasater, Kansas. It may get a proper name someday. 😂

Thanks for asking!

Please enjoy some low quality gifs I made of Lasater's tv appearances:

#the outlaws episode was in black and white even though it came later #bc bonanza was ahead of its time #anyways #thanks for the ask!#thejonderettegirl #wip: lasater kansas #will see if tumblr lets those images upload #also sad i didn't gif more moments when i made these #to be clear: i laugh at Several of the melodramatic moments in these episodes #but i still love him #also the outlaws ep version of him is much harder #but i have decided to chalk that up to him being in enemy territory the whole time

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dailycass-cain · 2 years

Text

My Top 10 Favorite Cass Stories

Just last year ago I gave a list of my ten favorite Cass stories on Twitter (and here’s the 2020 edition. The funny thing is, not even a year later I look upon the last list (along with the bad) and my thoughts on some of these stories have changed.

Not to mention, we’re only two months into 2023 and we’ve already got a Cass story that already makes this list for me.

So I figure it’s 2023 and I haven’t posted my favorite Cass stories here. Let’s change that. So here are my Top Ten Favorite Cassandra Cain stories. You may not agree with them. Maybe you will? Just that these are my opinion.

The thing about me and lists. They always mostly change. You compare my lists from years past. They may not completely match up (or in some places they will). Change always occur.

That said. Let’s start with my honorable mentions.

Honorable Mention #1: Detective Comics #790

- It's just a dark uneasy tale due to Pete Woods' art and Andersen Gabrych's story. Bruce is a little more unnerved than usual (Jason's anniversary) and Cass is brought in personally to steer him back.

Why? Because of all the people of the Bat-Family, she understands him best. The dynamic between Bruce/Cass here. Teacher/heir is just so all over this story. You can tell Bruce really wants Cass to truly be his heir.

If there are any issues I have with this being better is well it’s the prelude to “War Games” and I’m not really fond of the negative talk Bruce has with Cass regarding Stephanie Brown.

Ironically, for a while the last good main Batman book story Cass had for awhile until...

Honorable Mention #2: Detective Comics #950, 955

- Until this one. Though I’ll be honest “Night of the Monster Men” is a FUN story too that has Cass, but Cass really isn’t central to the plot in that. These issues were the first “main book” story that focused on Cass since-- 2004.

What truly keeps this book low for me being an honorable mention are the same flaws that pop up in my “worst list” of Cass stories. If you take these two issues alone? The story is absolute gold.

The full arc? (#950-956) are the reasons it got knocked down. Still, Marcio Takara and James Tynion IV together make the most of this story even with the hurdles higher ups (and Tynion’s own juggling the massive cast this run had) stall it.

I still think the arc would be more favorable if it ended with Bruce/Kate taking Cass to see Christine and well just a happy ending. Not to mention we get mostly zero fallout from what occurs here (the subplot of Ra’s here is tossed out due to Tynion having to leave the comic so he could go onto Justice League Dark).

What still hits hard about these two issues IS Takara’s art. As those who are currently reading the Poison Ivy series, Takara can do some banger spreads. We have a few here with an "Old Boy" homage Takara throws in with Cass for good measure.

Takara’s art and just the emotion he brings is why this story is STILL lingers.

Honorable Mention #3: Superboy #85

- Yes, the villain for this comic is all too forgettable. That’s really why it’ll alway be here. But why it remains always is the banter. Between the team-up of Cass/Kon (also the opening/closing Tim/Kon segments) that truly shines here. Much like Batman, you throw Cass with a character outside her zone, MOMENTS HAPPEN.

Boy we get some hilarious moments that are truly chuckle worthy. There’s just something natural seeing the heroes here interact with one another. Something that feels kind of missing mostly in DC Comics nowadays (save in the Flash recently with its “Dark Crisis tie-in”. What we had there was absolute GOLD).

I love me Batman having Batdad shenanigans over Tim/Cass and the rebellious Conner clashing with him. I know some might not like Cass/Kon, but the dynamic between the two in this issue is GOOD. The dynamic is SOOO good between the two. It's truly a pity Cass wasn't allowed to show up outside her book in Kon's again. Because this issue still hits home for a lot of folks to this day (as we see TONS of fanart of them. Also for canon covers still acknowledge this issue, along with the “eh” one over in Batgirl Vol. 1).

But for me, it's just the emotion both light and dark that writer Joe Kelly just handles well here. Why I keep coming back to this darn issue. The character dynamics are just soooo good.

Honorable Mention #4 Batgirl Vol. 1 #50 "Tough Love"

- It's Cass vs. Batman. The fight by Rich Leonardi is an epic one with Bruce/Cass going all Anakin/Obi-Wan by just changing the fighting venue every page. Looking for that opening.

You have some nice gremlin moment from Tim to get a cure to them both (given they're "fighting" due to a drug thrown at them by Dr. Death). If anything there's to knock on this is Nightwing being tossed around like a ragdoll by the two of them.

But really it's the ending of the fight that still resonates hard. Bruce being his most batdad again, but also just wanting to know where Cass's loyalties lie. Her answer is a good moment

So wait this is an honorable mention now?! Yeah it kind of is. See, the one problem with writer Dylan Horrocks is that usually bits of his run ages like milk. Not very good. I get that he tried new things with the character, and went in different direction than the past writers. But.. his stuff ages the worst.

Also listening to Batgirl to Oracle’s podcast when she reviewed the issue. She brings up some the things we often overlook for the amazing art and the stuff above.

Basically, the whole subtextual issue between Bruce/Cass that’s at the core of the story. Horrocks’ coda for his series up to this point was Cass growing older and trying to answer if she’s attracted to men (or now realizing how certain males view her via her body reading abilities). Dealing with the complications of guys being into her (Black Wind, Superboy), Bruce being EXTREMELY overbearing (hence the fight), and you get stuff like this:

It’s stuff that Freud and any fan in the present going 😬😬😬😬

Yeah, this is the stuff that doesn’t age well at all. Why suddenly it’s been knocked down this low.

So with these four out of the way. ONTO THE LIST...

10.) Batgirl Vol. 1 #2

- To those critics against Cass who say she never loses. This issue is the textbook answer. She loses and hard, but learns an emotional lesson about why words mean so much. Why writing and art are so powerful in a tale with no real title (literally the credits are at the very bottom of the last page).

This story is a gut punch (the first of many) Kelley Puckett would deliver on the book. Though he did slide in a better one later on this list still, this would be stable for his and Damion Scott's run.

Besides the pathos Puckett brings, Scott equally just wraps an emotional ringer. Cass barely says anything in the issue but conveys SOOO much emotion in her eyes thru the mask (probably the biggest answer many on the “pro-black lenses can give over the white ones she currently has”).

Just the one-shot character of John Robinson just sticks with you even after it. Just a good man, being thrown the curveball that Gotham City gives. The impact of his story just still resonates with me.

9.) Batgirls #14 “The Rest is Silence...”

- Yup. It’s a 2023 entry. I told you something made me start to question things and this story (while not concluded) I’m putting here on the list just for the sheer performance artist Jonathan Case pulls with this issue.

We’ve all wanted a unique Cass story (and boy howdy did we get some bangers in 2021 more on those later) and this is the first Batgirls story that feels true to the character of Cass. Anyone who is a harsh critic of this book has nothing to complain about. The narration (that’s not Cass/Steph/Babs) that can dull the comic’s better moments. It’s not found here. An older teen Cass is drawn here (not a preteen one that many have hated). Plus the dialogue by the writers Becky Cloonan and Michael Conrad. That’s not here, but they do cheat (but it’s a cheat I’m going to allow).

Again, this is Jonathan Case’s world and we’re living in the gorgeous art he’s doing here. There are SEVERAL pages that are just awing to read and look at. Just so much

If there’s any negative well... this is new. So I figure this is the best place to put this issue. Will it remain (as there are two more issues of this arc in Batgirls)? Who knows. But right at THIS MOMENT and this issue alone. It earns a spot on my list.

8.) Batgirl Vol.1 #60-62 aka "The Hood" arc

- What I love about this story are two reasons. #1 Cass by herself while trying to navigate the city of Bludhaven by establishing herself (with no Bruce or Babs). #2 Cass fighting unique foes with unique skill sets i.e. the Brotherhood of Evil.

From them just handing Cass her butt, to her rising back up and kicking them. It's a nice little "underdog" story showing just how far Cass has come as a fighter along with showcasing her "Batman' side. By doing her homework, prep timing, and wrecking the Brotherhood.

This is probably my favorite complete arc by Gabrych. He's got both Pop Mhan and Ale Garza backing him on the story and they all deliver high here.

Add the nice intro of Brenda and the gut punch of seeing Stephanie again (even if she died at the time period). This arc just has so many GOOD things that were promising. Pity, the later half Gabrych gave us wasn't classic as this was.

7.) DC Festival of Heroes: The Asian Superhero Celebration #1 "Sounds"

- Oh yes! We got a 2021 story here. Introduce Cass to new audiences? Showcase why fans enjoy her. Yes, it tempts me to put a certain arc of WFA up here. Here is one thing this has over that, Marcus To drawing Cass as Batgirl.

I always wanted it. To made the Black Bat costume better and gave us Ninja Gaiden Cass. But we all wanted him to draw THE costume.

I mean it's just everything. Add the small bits of actions we're given, bits of her origin, and the entire plot of Cass trying to find her "voice". Writer Mariko Tamaki just packs SOOO much in here and begins the call for many to have her write Cass more. This is the story where that all began. Tamaki just GETS Cass as a character.

Everything is just top-notch in this story. You can tell the entire creative team It's a nice reintroduction for new readers for Cass. Along with giving older fans well something we'd never thought to see again. 🥺

The story just feels unreal to see happen. After ALL DC did in the past with the character. This story hits, but not as harder as my #1.

6.) Batgirl Vol. 1 #7-9

- Now I'll admit looking over this list. I was like, "Wait why didn't I include #9 with this arc?" So it's time to correct that mistake!

There's no real "name" for this arc but it is just three stories that have the debut of a certain someone to the series. Cass's opposite. Her reflection. Lady Shiva.

Everything between these two is laid perfectly in "conflict" and for what is to come by Puckett and Scott. The 😮when Shiva shows up in the first panel and Cass is like, "I've got to fight that." he expressions. An appetizer for what is to come with these two.

Add the bookend pieces of #7 (of Batman/Shiva against Cass), along with just SOOOO much good lines by the two uttered in these issues. I mean there are some good quotes here. So many good scenes.

But again, this is a teaser for what's to come. What an amazing setup these three issues are.

5.) Batgirl Vol. 1 #19 "Nobody Dies Tonight!"

- Remember what I said earlier of Puckett/Scott delivering banger single issues? Here's another! On the anniversary of something near to Cass's mind, she tries to make sure for one night, nobody dies tonight!

Seeing the morality of the lesson played out here is more gut-wrenching than #2 given Cass is the focus here. She's doing her thing while the whole piece is her seeing someone being put to death tonight, and well her proclamation is tested hard.

Along with her mantra on everyone can change. You have all that, and the shadow of what is looming more and moreover her. The story is so good, to this day I ain't even gonna post it. This is one story you gotta track down and see for yourself.

Even if it is one more piece to a larger puzzle Puckett/Scott put to lead into #25.

4.) Batgirl Vol. 1 #21 (Last Laugh Tie-In)

- This is still my most favorite issue not shared by many of the Puckett/Scott run. It just goes to show you just how good this run is. There are SOOOOOOOOO many issues that can show up on a list for fav Cass stories. This is just mine.

Reasons why I enjoy this issue in particular among others is #1 the way it starts off with Cass's training montage which has Scott just go to town so much. You can tell Scott probably watched A TON of Bruce Lee movies as the homage is strong in the opening pages.

#2 Cass/Steph get a really important moment that furthers their friendship. I mean sure this isn't the issue they become really good friends, but this is the issue where the foundation keeps getting added (#20 started that).

Besides the moment at the end, there's the other moments of Steph's quirky persona that just win you over with the character.

#3 the fight between Shadow Thief/Cass. When you see Cass smiling in her mask if I were a villain, "running would be a very good idea." The moment is so shōnen and Scott just goes balls to the wall here with how he draws Cass dominating Thief.

This leads into #4 the outcome (but ties into #2). Like literally the fight switches in a heartbeat from 😁 to 😨in a single panel. Just seeing the look of broken horror in Cass's face realizing she might have taken another life makes my eyes water.

And here comes Steph to save the day. Dang, does she do some good friend stuff here. Just saving Shadow Thief and being there for Cass before the later scurries off.

3.) Batman: Urban Legends #7 "The Hunter... or the Hunted"

- A unique tale starring Cass by Guillaume Singelin takes Tec #955's concept of a long action sequence but goes harder. No dialogue or text. Just action. All action.

It's a real pity this story came way after the "Future State" event, as the story does a way better job showcasing how worse Gotham has become. There's a clear homage to so much in the story.

Singelin's art is something I haven't seen since Batgirl Vol. 1. Just the crispiness and layout of the fight sequences. The fact that this showcases why Cass is just a character quite unique. You can throw a writer/artist with a unique style. Just watch them go to town.

It's one of the things I always wished we could've seen with again Cass in Vol. 1. The closest we got was with Damion Scott in Solo #10, but it's just so wondrous to see Cass in a tale that feels like something that NEEDS to be animated again.

Every time I read this story there's just so much to just look at even if the story moves at a rapid pace from the action. It's just perfectly choreographed with Cass coming up on top.

2.) Batgirl Vol. 1 #25 "I Am Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds"

- The crescendo of the Puckett/Scott run delivers so very much in this issue. From the literally EPIC brawl, Cass/Shiva have in this issue. To the little moments with Cass/Babs and Cass/jumper. This is the creative team as the seeds planted bear glorious fruit.

There's just so much about this issue that can be dissected and taken apart. Everyone is an all-star this issue as Scott is at the literal height of his art giving us (for me) the greatest comic book fight EVER.

From the set-up of the final round to the way, this is Puckett/Scott's opus. A slobber knocker. You feel the other's blow when it connects. Often imitated. NOTHING can ever top the OG brawl Cass/Shiva had in this issue. Nothing but one thing...

1.) Shadow of the Batgirl

- It's still the champ of my heart! Writer Sarah Kuhn takes all of what has happened with the character. Seen what worked and what didn't. Adds her own spin on what quite possibly is the best Cass story of them all.

From the very cover alone, before I opened the book this story hits a raw nerve for me. It opens an emotional flood gate.

Kuhn just crams so much of Cass stuff into this graphic novel it just is utterly amazing at how much she puts in here. She delivers so much that literally and hits so many things... dammit thinking about the graphic novel suddenly my eyes are watering... AGAIN.. wrassin frassin.

Adding to that is Nicole Goux's art which like Scott is so darn expressive and perfect for Cass. You don't need words when Goux perfectly captures what is going on in Cass and what Cass see's of the world around her.

I feel like a broken record on how much this story smacked me in the head. I was going to like it, but love it this much? Was like, "How?" But the emotion the creative team pours into this character you truly get how much they love Cass.

And this is the best intro story to get others interested in the character. Like literally, there are so many dang moments in this comic that are just SOOOOOOO good. And dangit thinking of these moments... freaking heck. Like literally..

.. when the comic hit me across the head with just so much emotion and I've read it numerous times over already. The fact that it is still doing this to me. Yeah, it had to be my #1.

So there's my list. Yes, I know I left out some choices that are like, "WHY?" But this is my personal list. The thing about it is-- IT ALWAYS CHANGES! So do you agree or disagree? What’s your favorite Cass stories? I’d love to hear them!

#cassandra cain #dc comics #top lists

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hyunjinspark · 8 months

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Jade, my love! You‘ve been breaking my heart 17 chapters in a row, so it was to be expected, but this time… damn. I‘ve never had such a visceral reaction while reading something. It physically hurt reading this, I’ve actually cried… I don’t remember that ever happening. I feel empty now. Their conversation during the ride home, accepting that Hyun „doesn’t care“, feeling left out now that Kairi and Chan are back together, doubting her decision of moving to the city, the fear during her horrible interaction with Jieong (never meet your heroes), the horrifying thought that your dreams might’ve turned out to be a nightmare, the breakdown that led to her rash decision, just for Hyun to finally do what she’s been wishing for all the time she’s been in Seoul - just being there… This chapter left me depressed. I’m aware this sounds like a bad review, but I’m such a sucker for angst, as you probably know at this point, so this is actually meant to be a huge compliment. Your writing is truly astonishing, the way it makes the readers feel so intensely, how it makes you question how much someone can and should take and if giving up is really so bad if it makes you feel so shitty (applies to both the situation with Hyun and Jieong) because honestly, I don‘t know if I could‘ve handled that in real life. And also, how fucking REAL your writing is. The angst and Y/N‘s feelings are never overdone, unjustified or annoying as it sometimes can be (especially with heavy angst stories), nor does it feel fabricated. It feels real, raw and realistic.

Honestly, with Hyun showing up at the end, my reaction was a bit like „too little, too late“, so I hope she‘ll actually leave Seoul instead of caving in. If staying was her decision, of course she should go for it, but just because Hyun decided to show up for once and convince her… that would actually be a bit toxic, even. I get his situation is complicated, but for someone who keeps saying he doesn‘t want to hurt her and made those decisions to protect her, he does seem to always be taking the easy way out in a way. He’s a bit of a coward, even if his reasons are justified. He can make it up to her by exposing that piece of shit professor, lol because I‘m sure he‘ll find out and get all protective. Also saying this about Hyun, despite it sounding like the complete opposite, is also a huge compliment to your writing because since he‘s not actually an asshole, it just means I love Y/N so much, that I get overprotective. You know how when your best friend‘s S/O fucks up just a little bit and you‘re immediately wary and you‘ll remember it for a long while and kind of resent him for it? That‘s exactly how I‘m feeling, so Kudos to you because in the concerningly big amount of books I’ve read the past couple of years, I‘ve never loved an MC so much, most of the time I hardly even like them.

Some of my thoughts for the future plot: I‘m getting panicked at this point, lol. I‘ve started thinking „Oh, we don‘t have many chapters left in SLWY and they still haven‘t confessed/had sex/gotten together etc.“, so I‘m like „Fuck, I hope we can still get enough peaceful, happy, romantic couple moments between the two. And this might be an unpopular opinion, but I truly hope that the boys decide to disband in order to live peaceful and private lives with their loved ones (and I can lowkey see you actually writing that, but then again I don‘t, you‘re amazingly unpredictable) since this is obviously a depressing life to lead without getting much out of it, as thankful as I am for real life SKZ existing… Also, I hope the professor gets exposed big time (or beaten within an inch of his life), maybe with Karina‘s (her comments make me think that Y/N isn’t the only student he harassed) help because I think I‘d actually pull my hair out if he doesn‘t suffer consequences, but I trust in you bringing justice to our Y/N. I‘m excited and curious in general about what you‘re gonna to with the rest of the story, but I know it‘s gonna be amazing.

Sorry for that long ass word vomit message, but I‘m all kinds of overwhelmed by this chapter. Every time I think you can‘t outdo yourself… damn, your potential is unreal. Thank you, I love you and STOP GIVING US SUCH BRUTAL CLIFFHANGERS I AUDIBLY SCREECHED OUT OF FRUSTRATION!!!

P.S.: I had a really bad day today and reading that masterpiece made it so much better!

- 👑

i promise the angst will end soon. when i read your review, i realise how heavy that last chapter was im sorry but im happy you liked it so much that it made you viscerally react ...also thank you for letting me know that you agree with yn's reactions/think they're realistic. that's always good to hear haha. :)

what you said about hyunjin, too little too late, mayy be right. he has been taking the easy way out, at least in yn's eyes, and let's see how he may resolve or come back from that ! but speaking of what you said, i also promise to give you enough happy moments haha.

thank you so much for this beautiful review. your predictions are very sound and make me intrigued as fuck. thank you, and I hope you're having a better day today!

#💌 jade mail

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detroit-grand-prix · 1 year

Text

Wildest Dreams Chapter 27 - Wildest Dreams (Phoebe's Version)

Chapter summary: Everything has been leading up to this. It's not the last race of the season, but for Phoebe Stallard, it feels like the last, and best chance to make her goal. After all, what could be sweeter than taking her first podium at home? But in racing, just like in life, it's never quite that straightforward.

Content warning: N/A

Chapter word count: 7,100

Author's Notes: This is the end of the main story. When I finished this, though, this story couldn't let me go, and still really hasn't. I've been working on a bunch of side stories that I will get around to posting, and I'm planning on writing an epilogue that has snatches of the 2022-2024 seasons.

I'm really proud of this story, and I'm glad it's gotten a few dedicated fans along the way. I know OC-centered stories aren't popular in RPF fandoms, and that's fine, but I never feel like I am able to do the actual athletes justice, but the psyche of someone who competes in F1my original plan! Thonestly didn't even get through everything I'd wanted to. It was a challenge, too - writing race play-by-plays is really difficult, honestly! But, as far as the stuff I didn't want to get to, we'll see what I can come up with. Plejuest sprang to mind for me but allowed me to take the story in directions that I hadn't expected. Anyway, thank you again for sticking around until this point. I know this chapter was an absolute monster is still fascinating to explore. And I've really enjoyed being able to examine what it would mean to be the first woman in so long to make it that far. I hope someday that it's not just a work of fanfiction, and that it can be reality. The narrative took me by surprise, too. It's really amazing when the story couldn't let me go, and still really hasn't. I've been working on a bunch of side stories that I will get around to posting, and I'm planning on writing an epilogue that has snatches of the 2022-2024 seasons.

*also, I know the spelling is technically "kerbs" but I just cannot bring myself to spell that word that way. SORRY.

Circuit of the Americas, Austin, Travis County, Texas, United States of America

October 24th, 2021

Bee woke up well before her alarm on race day. Her entire body was thrumming with nervous energy, but at least for the time being, it wasn’t a bad kind of nervousness, at least not yet.

She took her time getting ready before she had to meet Emilia and her parents for breakfast, but time had a way of speeding up for her before something she was dreading. She did manage to eat a good breakfast, though, and Toto and Susie ended up meeting them all there - they were just in one of the hotel’s restaurants, but It was the first time she’d seen Toto since qualifying.

“You had an amazing qualifying yesterday, bienchen. I was very impressed. Your performance has definitely improved this year, and I think as long as you just go out there and have fun, you’ll be satisfied with your performance, no matter what.”

It was different advice than everyone else had given her, but it probably did the most to help relieve the pressure.

Eventually, it was time to head to the track for the pre-race festivities, and festivities they were. There was a drivers’ parade first - Bee and all of her gridmades were herded onto the back of a flatbed truck and were driven slowly around the track, while being interviewed for F1TV. She was amused by the sight of a lot of the other drivers wearing cowboy hats - it just didn’t suit most of them, being rich boys from Europe.

The exception, however, was Daniel Ricciardo - not only was he wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, but he had shaved his beard into a handlebar mustache and mutton chops, and was wearing a University of Texas basketball jersey. He joked that he was an honorary American, and he certainly wasn’t wrong.

“You look more American than I have ever felt,” Bee told him as they climbed onto the trailer. “They should probably just give you a US passport right now.” He laughed at her. “I would love that, honestly.”

Bee was dreading the interviewer, Rosanna, coming around to her, but it seemed that she was first. At least she’d get it over with. The interviews were also projected over the loudspeakers in the grandstands.

“We’ll start with you, Phoebe. It’s your first race in the United States, you’re the first American on the grid in many years, there’s a lot of people in Williams blue with American flags - how are you feeling ahead of the race today?”

“I, uh… well, maybe a bit nervous, but it’s so nice to see so much home support -” Bee had to stop talking because of the cheer that rose up from the grandstand they were passing. “And I’m really hoping that I can run a good race today for everyone. I’m sure it will be fine once the helmet is on, though. This is an amazing track and I had a really great qualifying yesterday, and there’s so many people here today, it’s really incredible to see. When I started, all of the races were under lockdown and there was no audience, and it definitely makes a big difference.”

She spent the rest of the parade waving to the crowd and talking to George for a bit. The truck they were on was going slow enough that she could finally get a good look at a lot of the crowd - not only were there a ton of American flags, but it looked like someone had produced a “Super Bee” banner that had been widely adopted - she saw tons of them dotting the grandstands.

It was the first time she’d seen it, and it gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling. She’d spent so much of her racing career being somewhat of an outcast, an outsider, an oddity. She remembered showing up to testing for GP3 and getting stared at the entire time, like nobody there had ever seen a girl in their lives. They probably hadn’t ever seen one in a racing suit. She didn’t ever think motorsport fans would embrace her like this, especially when she’d reached Formula 1, the pinnacle of motorsport.

But then, she thought about Adelle and Olivia, and how Olivia had said that there wasn’t anyone she wanted to root for before she signed with Williams. Maybe she wasn’t the only one. Maybe it wasn’t the racing fandom embracing her, but her presence changing who the motorsport fandom was. No doubt that Netflix had helped with this, bringing Formula 1 to a broader audience, but how had she changed who racing appealed to by just being a woman on the grid? It was everything she’d been working for, it was everything Susie had been working for, before her.

All the more reason to try her best today, and hopefully climb the podium at last.

Once she was freed from the drivers’ parade, she headed to the Williams hospitality tent to get changed and get warmed up. Emilia was already waiting for her in her drivers’ room. She left briefly so Bee could slip out of the jeans and team shirt she was wearing and into her Nomex baselayers and racing suit.They did their warm up sequence as usual, and Bee hopped up on the massage table, ready for the rest of it. She froze for a moment, wondering if she should take her shirt off for the massage, remembering how warm, soft, and soothing Emilia’s hands were on her back yesterday.

Emilia didn’t even have to ask before Bee made her decision, tossing the undershirt onto the small futon in the room.

“Oh, okay! I wasn’t sure if you wanted to do that again. Did it feel better yesterday with -”

“Yes. It did. Thank you.” Bee said, quickly laying face-down on the table so Emilia wouldn’t notice the blush spreading down Bee’s face. Bee could feel the heat spreading down from her cheeks to her chest, and knew it didn’t have anything to do with the Texas sunshine.

“We’ll just do it this way from now on.” Emilia said quietly. “If you want.” Bee heard the click of the cap for the lotion bottle and felt her heart start to beat a little faster.

“...Yes. I… I’d like that.” It really was much more effective. Bee was almost so relaxed by the time she sat up for her breathing exercises that she felt like she could have fallen asleep. Emilia grasped her hands again and led her through a deep breathing progression, because Bee had told her that it helped ground her yesterday.

“Okay. Are you ready?” Emilia said, handing Bee her shirt and her drink bottle after they had finished. “Drink some more. It’s hot out there and I know you’ll need it.”

Before long, it was time to head out to the car to take her place on the grid. Before Bee went to head over to the garage, Emilia stopped her. She bent down to Bee’s height, wrapped her arms around her, and said, “Good luck today. Just go out and have fun. Don’t get your head so wrapped up in the result that you stand in your own way. I know this is an important race for you, but it’s not the last one this season. I’ll be here for you no matter what happens.”

Bee returned her embrace, closing her eyes, breathing in Emilia’s presence around her. “I know. But it feels like it’s a big one. And… Thank you. For everything you do. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” She meant it, too. She never dreamed she’d develop such a close relationship with her performance coach, but she was glad she had.

They walked over to the garage together.

Bee said hello to her parents. Josephine, once again, insisted on taking pictures. One of Emilia and Bee together, one of Susie with Bee, one with Bee and her dad, and one with Bee and Claire. She asked Susie to get a picture of the two of them together, after which Bee said “Mom, I have to go! I have to get on the grid!”. She sounded perhaps a little more whiny than was necessary.

“I know, honeybee, but how many times do you get to watch your daughter race in Formula 1 for the first time in your home country? I don’t think it’s a usual occurrence! I think I’m actually the first!”

Bee laughed. She wasn’t the first, technically, but she was the first in the US.

She hugged both of her parents, Susie, and Claire, and they all wished her luck.

She walked over to her car in its place on the grid, holding her helmet and gloves. Emilia had an umbrella to protect them from the hot, direct sunshine, but she was so much taller than Bee it almost wasn’t working. “Drink some more.” Emilia said. “I know you don’t like to use the drink system in your car, so you need to make sure to finish whatever’s in that bottle before we start.”

Bee rolled her eyes a little and took more sips on the long straw, but secretly, she was touched by Emilia’s concern. She was right, though - it was going to get incredibly hot in the cockpit, and she would be more dehydrated today than usual by the end of the race.

She clambered into the cockpit while the engineers and mechanics made their final adjustments. Emilia had set her umbrella down over her so Bee wouldn’t start baking while she was sitting there. Once all of the final checks were complete, Bee had to climb back out for the opening ceremonies.

The opening presentation was very American in every way - there was a marching band (the University of Texas marching band), a flyover by military helicopters, a giant American flag on the track held by various American military personnel, a giant flag carried across the sky by people with parachutes, the cheerleaders for the Dallas Cowboys NFL team, and a country singer Bee hadn’t ever heard of singing the national anthem.

Normally, she wasn’t particularly moved by “The Star Spangled Banner”. It was okay, but she’d heard so many national anthems by now that she’d grown to have opinions on them. She liked Germany’s “Deutschlandlied”, of course, and she had liked Austria’s “Land der Berge, Land am Strome” before she’d heard it so much this season because of Max’s victories. She disliked the Dutch anthem, but liked the bouncy, cheerful “Il Canto degli Italiani” because of her love for Monza. The UK’s anthem, “God Save the Queen”, always threw her off, because she’d learned the melody as a child as “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee”, an American patriotic tune.

But as the singer on the track hit the last note, a chill shot down Bee’s spine. It was moving this time, and she didn’t know why.

Finally, it was time to start. She was glad Emilia had left the umbrella over the opening of the cockpit, otherwise, her HANS device may have been too hot to pick up with her bare hands from sitting on her seat.

She climbed into her car, put on her radio headset, balaclava, helmet, and her gloves, and her focus narrowed to her steering wheel and the view out of her cockpit. She took a minute to focus on her breath, and focus on the racing line, as she always did. She snapped her visor closed, the mechanics all backed away from the cars for the start, and she was ready for the formation lap. She took off with the pack, weaving the car to get temperature into the tires and warm up the brakes, not that it would be difficult today.

“Radio check.” She heard Gaetan say.

“Loud and clear.”

“Okay, Phoebe. Let’s have a good race today. Keep an eye on your tires, the track is hot. Let me know right away if anything seems off. Remember it’s not very long into the first turn and it’s an uphill climb, so don’t be a hero. Good luck.”

“Copy. Thank you.”

It was strange to see the cars she was behind and next to at the start - she certainly wasn’t used to seeing a Mercedes in front of her or a Ferrari next to her, but she relished it. It felt like a challenge.

Her eyes locked on the starting lights, and she held her breath as all five disappeared.

Right away, she got an amazing start - she saw a gap between Leclerc and Bottas, and swept straight through it, immediately going up into 5th place. Miraculously, there wasn’t any silliness heading into turn 1, a climb steeper than Raidillon at Spa. She pressed in her throttle, and was right on Bottas’ back as they straddled the entry curb on the right.

The nice thing about the hill was that you could brake later and harder than normal without issue, but the apex was hard to spot over the blind crest. You also had to avoid the temptation to turn into the first apex early - the wider line was superior for the best exit.

She slammed into first gear to rotate the car quickly before a quick shift into second gear, making sure to avoid the sausage curb that would wreck her exit.

Turn 2 was flat, and really just a means of getting to turn 3 as soon as possible - that was where the real fun started. A mistake here could affect your drive all the way through turn 6, even as far as turn 11, so keeping a good rhythm and flow here was of the utmost importance. It was the same as Maggots and Becketts at Silverstone.

It didn’t take long to settle into her rhythm, thankfully - by the time they were on lap 4, she was still right on Bottas’s back end as they went into turns 9 and 10. She managed to tell herself to take 9 flat, but it looked like Valtteri had lifted a bit, and she was able to gain on him. If she could stay on him until turn 11, she’d be able to use her car’s Drag Reduction System on him. Formula 1 cars had a rear wing that had a panel that opened to reduce drag - it was like getting another 20 horsepower on your engine, but it could only be used in certain sections of the track, and only while you were a second or less behind the car in front of you.

“You have DRS on Bottas.” Gaetan confirmed as they flew around the hairpin.

“Copy, I’m after him.”

She pressed the DRS button on her steering wheel, and her rear wing snapped open, granting her an additional burst of speed. She slid out of his slipstream and flew around him. She thought he’d be putting up more of a fight, but it was a long race.

She also wondered what Toto was thinking, as he watched from his spot in the Mercedes garage. Would he have been proud of her for battling with, and overtaking, one of his works team drivers, or would he be disappointed that Valtteri didn’t fight more for his place? She hoped it would be the former more than the latter.

“Good job, Phoebe. Perez is next, but he’s about six seconds ahead, and he’s gaining on Hamilton. Just hang out here for now and watch your tires.”

“Copy, thank you.”

Her and Valtteri played leapfrog for a while, trading positions, almost like it was some sort of game. This went on for about ten laps, until she was on the long back straight again, with Valtteri in her crosshairs ahead of her.

She heard Gaetan say, “Box, box, Phoebe.”

“What?! Why? It’s so early!”

“Slow puncture, losing pressure on your front left.” She hadn’t even noticed yet, but the car had so much sensitive instrumentation that the pressures likely hadn’t gotten low enough to affect her driving. She must have developed it from the curbs she ran over while chasing Valtteri.

Images of Sakhir last year flashed through her mind, when George led most of the race while he was driving for Mercedes temporarily, until a tire mixup made him have to pit twice. He fought his way back through the pack, but a slow puncture made it so that he went from almost winning the race to almost not even finishing in the points. She remembered seeing the graphic of his nameplate sinking from the top of the rankings to almost the bottom, and was now envisioning it happening now, live, on television, with her blue “STA” nameplate instead.

She wanted to throw up - who knows how many positions she’d lose pitting this early? But, she had no choice. At least she’d have a tire advantage, but she’d have to pit again later on, surely.

As a mercy, she hadn’t gone all the way past the pitlane yet, so she didn’t have to do a full lap on a tire that was losing air. Since it was a slow puncture, she could still manage around the 12-19 complex if she was careful to avoid the curbs. Those would cause a blowout that would probably force a retirement. She made it - she pulled into the pitlane and felt the anxiety rising. The pit crew changed her tires, but just as she was pulling away -

“Stop! Stop! Stop! Stay here! Red flag!” Gaetan practically shouted through her headset. His voice was abrupt, urgent.

“What?! What happened?”

“Red flag! Latifi spun into the wall at turn 11 and took Alonso and Gasly with him. There’s debris to clear and they’ll need to repair a barrier.”

“Oh, shit! Is everyone alright?” She was trying not to sound too excited, just in case anyone was hurt.

“Yes, they’re all fine, they’re out, but the track is a mess. Red flag procedure, Phoebe.”

Her relief was almost palpable. It must have happened just before she pulled into the pitlane, and she was on the opposite end of the track from the Turn 11 hairpin, which explains why she had no idea.

“Okay, how many places did we lose? What’s our position?”

“Checking.” It was hard to say, as she was the only one pulling into the pit. Unfortunately, it meant that everyone would get a free tire change, and she wouldn’t have the advantage when she exited, but now everyone else would have to either use a harder tire or stop later on.

A moment later, he said, “We are P6, you will line up behind Leclerc.”

Okay, it wasn’t as bad as she thought, she’d only lost three places. That might not be so hard to make up. The other cars came into the pit lane, and she was able to stop the car and get out. There would be another standing start, and they had an hour.

She stripped off her headwear and walked back into the garage. Emilia was standing at the entrance again, as she had been at the Bahrain red flag. But this time, instead of immediately sweeping her back into the privacy of her drivers’ room, she said, “Are you okay? Do you need to take a minute to yourself? I know that was probably pretty stressful.”

Bee shook her head. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

She found it oddly touching that Emilia was just always right there, waiting for her in case she needed her. Sure, as her performance coach, she was more or less Bee’s assistant, but they’d never discussed things like that - their relationship, their routine just naturally developed that way.

Different drivers had different ways of staying alert and “in the zone” during red flag periods. She knew Daniel Ricciardo would put on his headphones and listen to music. Some just sat in their garages, or stood in the pitlane and watched. This past year, during the rain-induced red flag in Spa, she remembered actually deciding to take a quick nap, and she hadn’t been the only one to do so. She remembered watching Kimi Raikkonen on TV infamously eating ice cream during a race in Malaysia in 2009.

This time, though, she and Emilia sat in the garage, though still sitting apart from everyone, Emilia talking to Bee about everything and nothing, as a way of trying to keep her from overthinking and getting anxious again. They would go back to do warmups again before the restart, but for now, they just chatted in German together - at least it gave them some privacy. At first, Emilia strayed away from talking about anything to do with the race, but Bee eventually started talking about the race again.

“I felt like I was going to throw up when Gaetan told me I had a puncture. I didn’t even feel it yet.” Bee said. “All I could think about was George in Sakhir last year, but the red flag came in just in time.”

“You were doing so well, though. I think you’ll have no problem making up those places again. There’s still a lot of race left. And no offense, but I’d never thought I’d see you battling for position with Valtteri. At least you did it without crashing.”

Bee laughed. “Could you imagine? I’d probably just flee the country before I had to talk with Toto about it.”

Eventually, it was time to get warmed back up, but Emilia could tell Bee was starting to get nervous again. While Bee didn’t normally get very emotionally demonstrative around other people, Emilia had noticed that Bee’s body language would change considerably depending on how she felt. When she got nervous, her movements would get stiffer, she’d start to fidget and pace, and she’d start biting her lip, or her balaclava if she was wearing it.

“Well, let’s… go finish this, I guess.”

As Bee turned around to leave her drivers’ room, Emilia seized her by the shoulders, and pulled her in close, bending down until their foreheads were almost touching, looking right into her eyes.

“Phoebe, listen. Earlier was just a warm-up. You showed them what you can do. I know it feels like today is your last chance, but it’s not. We still have so many races together. And regardless of how today ends, regardless of your place, you’re going to be successful. You’ve put in the time, you’ve put in the effort, you’ve worked so hard - it’s all paying off. Those other guys might be in faster cars, but they haven’t had to climb half of the obstacles you’ve had to to get here, and you were fighting right up there at the front with them. You can do it again. I’ll be out there on the pit wall watching when you come across the line and cheering you on, no matter what.”

Emilia pulled her into a hug. Bee was a little surprised at first, but eventually, she returned Emilia’s embrace. She had to bury her face in Emilia’s shirt though, to hide the tears that had started to come into her eyes. Even in German, she felt what Emilia had said right down to her very core.

“Okay. I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

She put her balaclava and helmet back on before she left the room, wanting to stay focused and engaged, but she made sure to wave across the garage to where her parents and Susie were sitting. She saw They all called out to wish her luck as she went back out to her car and climbed back in. She and Georged walked out of the garage together, and he wished her luck as well. At least, that’s what she thought - he already had his helmet on as well, but he gave his head a clear nod and grasped Bee’s shoulder. They gave each other a quick hug.

Once again, the mechanics made their final adjustments, and Bee’s focus once again started to narrow. Gaetan did their regular radio check, and Bee’s car was moved back out onto the grid for the restart.

Once again, her focus narrowed into the view out of her cockpit, the sounds of her own breath, the racing line, and the five red lights in front of her.

As the lights went out, she got another decent getaway. Her eyes were wide open and focused, looking for gaps. She didn’t see any, but she was breathing down Charles’ neck from the start, at least. There were 42 laps left, so, as Crofty, the F1 commentator for Sky Sports in the UK, would always say, there was “all to play for”.

She stayed calm, and patient, and eventually, Charles faltered when she was able to use DRS on him, and was back up into 5th. A few laps later, she was hunting down Daniel. He locked up on turn 14 - it was crucial to be gentle on the pedal there, but he may have gotten unnerved by Bee’s presence in his mirrors. It opened the door for her to get around him, and she did.

“Good job, Phoebe. Perez is ahead by three seconds, but we have to start thinking about tires.” she heard.

“Copy. Just let me know. Going to try to build a gap with Daniel.”

As it turns out, she didn’t have to worry about tires - Ocon had a retirement that caused a safety car, which means that everyone got a free tire change. Sure, she was once again robbed of a tire advantage, but so was everyone else.

Verstappen was in first, so he controlled the pace of the pack behind him once the Safety Car period ended. Bee hated these rolling starts, because of how much control the pacesetter had - you had to have constant awareness of when the front of the pack would start to break away once overtakes were allowed again, lest you be overtaken from behind.

If you went too early, it would mean a penalty. Sometimes, the cars in the back could be caught out. In Mugello in 2020, there was an accident at the rear of the pack when they didn’t realize the cars ahead were not at full speed.

Verstapped broke away, and Bee managed to be quick enough on the throttle to end up wheel-to-wheel with Perez for a moment. She had to back off going into a corner to leave enough space, otherwise she would have ended up getting punted into the gravel trap.

She stayed on Perez for the next few laps, but she was focusing so hard she was losing the lap count.

Luckily, Gaetan was nothing if not reliable.

“Five laps, Phoebe. Push, push. Checo is 2.5 ahead, and has been talking about tire wear. Keep the pressure up and you’ll be in DRS range soon.”

It was getting down to the wire. Phoebe pushed through all of the turns, making sure to stay right on Perez’s shoulder, just to be able to take any opportunity he might have presented. She was so close.

“Three laps left, you’re 1.2 away. Almost in DRS.”

Her pace must have been mind-blowingly quick if she’d cut that much off of their gap in two laps. Maybe he was slowing down. Either way, she couldn’t let up now. One lap later, she heard Toto’s voice in her mind as they rounded the turn 9 chicane together.

“You have to squeeze your arse cheeks and commit.”

They were almost wheel-to-wheel again, and Bee wasn’t going to back off this time.

She was through.

But then… Perez had DRS on her. Bee cursed - she should have waited to overtake him until after the DRS zone. It was a stupid mistake, but she remembered what Natalie told her when she was so angry about her late pit exit during her last outing at Monza.

“Some drivers have even made mistakes that have destroyed their entire car. A few seconds on a pit exit seems like nothing in comparison, right?”

Right. It was a small error on an otherwise stellar performance so far. Nothing to lose her head over. She did her best to keep Perez in the dirty air of her car, to defend. The DRS zone would end soon anyway. She wasn’t going to let him take his position back that easily.

“Last lap, Phoebe. Good job keeping Perez behind you.”

It was now or never. She had to be absolutely dead-on for this last lap, Perez was still on her, and the endless defense she had to put up was starting to get exhausting. She could feel herself start to falter going into Turn 12, and she and Perez were wheel-to-wheel again in the 90-degree corner, but she didn’t let up. She couldn’t. Not now.

In her mind’s eye, she saw the faces of everyone who had supported her over the years - her parents, the Wolffs, Claire, Natalie, Emilia, George, Adelle and her daughter, the dozens of fans that she’d met just this weekend. She didn’t want this podium for herself, but she wanted it for them - a tangible marker to show how far she’d come because of them, a means of thanking them, and showing her how strong she’d become with their support. It urged her forward.

And then - she saw a flash of Helmut Marko’s face. She could see him so clearly - the round, balding head, the thin gray hair, and his small, beady blue eyes. His left eye was a prosthetic and his gaze was always a bit off-center. She saw the disdainful, sour look that he had whenever he talked to her towards the end of her time at Red Bull. She thought about how he’d look from his spot in Red Bull’s garage if she snatched this podium away from his own driver. She wanted, more than anything, to deny him a double podium today.

She also imagined the inevitably pissed-off look on Christian Horner’s pointy, freckled, ferret-like face - she didn’t know Christian that well, she’d avoided ever talking to him. But, it would be a bonus.

She kept her foot down through the turn 16/17/18 series, making sure to cling to the curbs to maintain the most speed. She could practically feel Perez right on her, but she stayed firm, steadfast - it was literally the meaning of her surname, after all.

Perez was practically next to her going through the home straight, but she held her breath and stomped the throttle coming out of turn 20.

Time froze, and then dilated as she crossed the line. It was a split-second that felt entirely too long. She felt like she could feel her pulse between the thin margins of seconds it had doubtlessly been.

She saw a spray of fireworks that shot off as soon as the race leader - Max, probably, crossed the line, and she followed a few seconds later. Did she make it? She couldn’t tell. She’d seen Perez inching up to her on her right side at the last minute, but she didn’t think he’d made it through.

“PHOEBE STALLARD! P3!” Gaetan shouted through the radio. She could hear the cheering from the Williams garage in the background. “THAT’S A PODIUM!”

A scream came from somewhere deep inside of her. She didn’t even feel it coming. She’d just run the race of her life. Even through her helmet and headphones, she could hear the roar of the crowd - it sounded like a prolonged, rolling thunderclap. She practically felt it in her chest, even over the hum of the engine behind her.

She looked up and ahead of her, onto the pit wall, and saw something incredible. The crew of practically every team was clinging to the pit wall fence over the home straight, cheering for her. So it seemed, at least. She saw the British racing green of Aston Martin, Ferrari red, Mercedes white and teal (she spotted Toto easily, as tall as he was), McLaren papaya, Alpine and Williams blues - at the last second, she caught a glimpse of a tall woman, in a blue shirt, with blonde hair, grasping the upper corners of an enormous American flag - Emilia.

She was on her cooldown lap, and was speechless. Normally, a driver would thank the team, depending on their mood, but Bee had felt herself start crying. She was grasping onto the bottom of her visor, trying to wipe her eyes through the gap.

She heard Claire through her radio.

“Phoebe, that was an absolutely incredible race. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come with this team. I know Dad is at home watching now, and I know he’s so excited and happy right now. It’s been a pleasure to be your team principal, and I’m going to miss you so much next year.”

Bee took a breath, and swallowed around the lump in her throat.

“Thank you, Claire, for believing in me. It’s been awesome working with you, and it’s not going to be the same without you. I wanted to get a podium before the end of this season to send you out on a high note and to thank you for bringing me onto this fantastic team - you’ve all been the best part of racing in Formula 1. The spirit and heart of everyone here and in Grove keeps me motivated, and this podium is for all of you - I couldn’t have done it without you.”

It sounded corny, but she’d meant every word of it. Williams had come so far in the last two years, even with the sale and the transition of leadership, but she loved it. She was proud to have been part of the small resurgence they were experiencing.

She waved out to the grandstands as she passed by them on the cooldown lap, and it was clear that people were absolutely losing it. She could have never imagined this. She almost didn’t want to pull into parc ferme - she was enjoying this particular moment - just her, her car, and the distant shouts of her fans - too much.

But, even so, she arrived and pulled up to the 3rd place bollard (another thing she’d never imagined doing) and saw that her team had gathered around the fence to wait for her.

She was 5’2”, not even 160cm, but she felt twice that height when she climbed out of the FW43B and stood on its nose. She tossed her head back and let out the same scream she’d felt tear itself from her chest earlier - of triumph. All of the tension and pressure of the weekend was gone. She jumped down and sprinted over to the crowd of Williams team members at the gate. She wasn’t quite tall enough to jump up and on top of the barriers like some drivers did, but they did their best to reach her, and she was caught in a hailstorm of hugs, cheering, and hearty slaps on her back and helmet.

It was so loud in that crowd of people. The atmosphere was electric.

Someone - probably Emilia - placed the corner of the American flag in her hands, and she gripped it fiercely.

She turned around to see Lewis waiting for her. He grabbed her into a tight hug that lifted her off her feet, which was not difficult. He set her down, and she stripped off her helmet and balaclava. He did the same, and took a moment to re-tie his braided hair back into a ponytail

“I can’t believe it, Phoebe - you’re the first woman ever on a Formula 1 podium!” Lewis shouted over the commotion around them.

Oh. She’d forgotten about that part. It wasn’t what she’d set out to do, necessarily.

He hugged her again, patting her back. “You must have run an incredible race. I can’t wait to watch it later. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Lewis, for everything. You’ve always been so kind to me, and it means a lot.”

At the other end of the parc ferme area, there were small stands for them to place their equipment, and a scale to be weighed right near the pit lane. There used to be cool-down rooms where they did this, but they got rid of them during the abridged COVID season to maintain team bubbles. She stepped on the scale after Lewis. Claire was in the garage outside of parc ferme, standing with Emilia. She went over to them, and they both pulled her into large hugs, telling her how proud they were of her, again.

She wasn’t sure where to go next, though. The podium was on the balcony above the FIA garage area they were in, which was where the medical car was parked. Emilia shoved Bee’s drink bottle into her hands while Bee was looking around, trying to take everything in.

“Here. Drink. It wouldn’t be a good look to pass out on the podium in front of your entire country, would it?” Bee shook her head, and drank greedily. She was only just now aware of how thirsty she was. The race she ran was intensely physical, and the fatigue was only now starting to set in.

She wasn’t sure what she should be doing next, though. She wasn’t sure where Lewis had disappeared to, but she heard some cheers outside that indicated he must have been outside.

She peeked around the door of the garage to see that he was doing an interview with Jenson Button, and just as she did, the F1 employee next to her said, “You’re next, Phoebe.”

She typically didn’t hang around after races to watch the podium ceremony these days, so she was happy for the direction - this was all new to her.

She walked over to take her place in front of the microphone, and Jenson asked her a few questions. The cheer she got when she stepped out of the garage was deafening, and a flurry of American flags unfurled in the crowd. She barely paid attention to whatever Jenson was asking her, but she got through it.

She walked back into the garage area, and stood next to Lewis for a few minutes, chatting companionably with him.

“Uh…” she said. “Where do we go now? Upstairs, or -”

Lewis laughed, and grabbed her by the elbow. “I forgot, this is new for you - come on, this way.”

He led her upstairs into a small waiting area that had an FIA official. It was the “backstage” behind the outdoor podium platform, which was set up on the balcony of one of the permanent buildings at the track. She was still gripping onto the flag she’d been handed. She draped it over her shoulders.

They were also joined by someone from Red Bull to accept the constructor’s trophy for the team. She was just glad it wasn’t Christian or Helmut, but that was apparently rare. The trophy presentation party came in - they were all various local officials that she didn’t know, and…

Shaquielle O’Neal? Bee never watched basketball, but knew the enormous man when she saw him.

“We’re just about ready to start, gentleme - I mean… sorry, ladies and gentlemen.” The FIA official said, looking directly at Bee. Bee waved it off. “It’s fine. I know, this is new for all of us.”

The presentation party all filed out. Bee laughed because Shaq had to duck out underneath the door frame. Certainly not a problem she’d ever have.

“Hey, good job.” Max Verstappen told her. “I heard you gave Checo a bit of a headache. That’s not easy to do.”

It was the first thing Max had ever said to her, that she could remember.

“Ah… thank you. I tried. Congratulations to you, as well.”

He nodded a quick nod at her. “Thank you.”

“And in third place…” she heard from around the temporary wall. “The first woman to ever stand on a Formula 1 podium as a driver… Phoebe Stallard, of the United States of America!”

She walked out from behind the barrier. If she thought the cheers were deafeningearlier, this was nothing. It was incredible. She could barely hear anything else, and it was coming from everywhere - from the audience below, from the people crowded onto the paddock club balconies on the left side of the stage area. She glanced at the LED screen behind her, which was playing a pre-filmed video loop of herself making various celebratory poses - she remembered when they filmed it during pre-season testing, and it felt silly then, because she didn’t think it would even be necessary. Well, she was wrong.

They introduced Lewis and Max next, and the Dutch and Austrian national anthems played. Shaquille O’Neal handed Max the first place trophy. She congratulated the Red Bull employee standing next to her on the constructor’s trophy. Lewis received his trophy, and finally, a man came over with the small statuette for her.

She raised it aloft, and it felt like she was lifting the weight of this season, the weight of her entire career - it was everything it represented. Her own expectations of herself, her desire to perform, her desire to show the people that supported her how much she appreciated it. It was all there now, in the form of a solid metallic statuette.

“And now… the champagne!”

She barely had time to react and put the trophy down and pick her victory bottle up. It didn’t matter anyway, Lewis and Max had done this dozens of times before and were far too quick on the draw. They had both set out to drench her, too. She thought she felt Lewis actually pouring the bottle down the back of her race suit. It was sticky and smelly, but it felt kind of good in the heat.

She did her best to return the spray, but it was too late. She showered the crowd below instead. From this vantage point, she could see the faces of everyone that was there for her. She could see her parents, she could see Emilia, she could see the Wolffs, she could see Claire. She smiled and waved to all of them as they smiled back up at her.

It was just like what she’d envisioned the night before, but it was even better, because it was real. It was her goal for the season, the line she’d been striving for, and she’d made it through it all - all of the terror, all of the beauty, both in equal measure.

Schönheit und Schrecken.

It was true that Rilke had said that no feeling was final, and this feeling wouldn’t be, either. She had a few races left for this season, and had already signed for another season. There would be terror. There would be triumph, so she hoped. There would be defeat. There would be anxiety and sadness.

But none of that was here, right now. All that was here, now, was a memory that she wanted to hold onto forever.

#series: wildest dreams #f1 fanfic #f1 oc fanfic #formula 1 fanfic #original character #female oc #female f1 driver #toto wolff #george russell #my fanfic #susie wolff

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