#I see now why you guys do these nothing posts with rambles in the tags

[sophieswundergarten]

.

[mitchellpete]

Firsts

summary: You’re bad at playing hard to get, and you don’t want to let the opportunity slip. Maverick gives you your first motorcycle ride.

pairing: pete “maverick” mitchell x gn!reader

tags/warnings: maverick being flirty, shy!reader but also not really?, some drinking mentioned, overall fluff

word count: 1.4k

A/N: i feel terrible that i keep making excuses not to post so i'll let you guys have this one. i don't know who's still on top gun tumblr but i hope you guys are still around. and that you guys like this! it was supposed to be a drabble but..?? ANDDD one more thing: my request page has updated also!

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“Wait, you’ve never been on a bike before?”

“I’ve been on a bike. I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

Maverick scoffs and then cocks a brow, a smirk tugging at his lips in his frail attempt at reading you, or at least pretending he knew you.

Except he doesn’t, because out of the many outings at the bar, tonight had been the first time he’d spotted you. You were ashamed to admit that it was kind of flattering having him follow you around for a good half an hour, even after you locked eyes with mustache Hawaiian shirt blonde guy across the room. Ah, it was all a game. But God, was Maverick pretty. And charming. You couldn’t decide whether you were bad at playing hard to get or if you simply didn’t mind being the game.

(It was definitely the former.)

Panic filled you later that night when you watched him slip his jacket on on the opposite side of the room. He was still distractedly rambling with his friend, however, and you took the opportunity to push past at least 5 people and make it out of the door before he did. 

What to say or do the moment he stepped out? Your head was empty. But hey, he’d see you out there, make another flirtatious comment, make you blush and then it’d go on from there, right? God, please. 

This had to have been like the fourth time you’d seen him. He was most certainly the prettiest out of all the aviators that confidently waltzed into the bar every time you and your friend met for drinks. 

Miramar. A lovely place, truly. 

Beautiful, too. The sunset is beginning to form, and you step towards the wooden fence separating the sand from the small parking lot in front of the building. A packed bar, only a few vehicles. You wonder if any of them belong to Maverick. You pray that he walks this way at all.

The beach in front of you is littered with people, families, couples. There is chatter everywhere, drowning out the sound of the bell on the door behind you, or the sound of his voice if he happens to be walking out, talking to his friend.

That’s why when you eventually zone out maybe a good ten minutes later, you don’t notice that he’s already walked past you, striding towards the vehicle closest to you. The motorcycle. Red, black, adorned with decals that match the patches on his pretty jacket. You wish you’d noticed. 

He’d certainly noticed you, watching you avoid his gaze as he swung a leg over and took a seat. “Going for a swim?”

FUCK.

Tongue in your cheek, you meet his eyes. “No. I.. needed some air. Where’s your friend?”

“Where’s yours?” A cheeky smile spread on his face as he reached for the handles. 

Oh, he’s sooooooo—

“Inside. I’m uh, actually waiting for another friend right now. She’s picking me up soon, I think.” Lies, lies, lies.

“In a car?” 

“On a motorcycle, actually. How fast does yours go?” Jesus Christ. You know nothing about motorcycles, by the way.

He leans slightly forward, intrigued by your response. “Faster.”

“Hm.” You glance out at the shoreline again, at the sun turning bright orange. You feel the warmth on your cheeks. Stupid. You’re playing hard to get again, for fuck’s sake. He’s too pretty, it makes you nervous. 

Lucky for you, he breaks the tense feeling in your stomach with a laugh. “Actually?” 

He sticks the key into the ignition, filling you with the slight panic from before that he’s slipping away.

You fake a snicker, although it comes out dry and humorless. “I’m kidding. I don’t know a thing about motorcycles.”

The sudden rev of the engine startles you, and he smiles. “Some people are just meant to look pretty on the back of ‘em, I think.”

There was already a warmth to your cheeks, but now it’s heat. “Well.. that sounds like fun.”

Furrowed brows. “Wait, you’ve never been on a bike before?”

You snicker again, this time for real. “I’ve been on a bike. I’ve never been on a motorcycle.”

Maverick scoffs and then cocks a brow, a smirk tugging at his lips in his frail attempt at reading you, or at least pretending he knew you. Playfully rolling his eyes, he revs the engine again and waves you over with his hand. “Come on.”

Your face falls. A different kind of panic. “Huh?”

“Just a quick ride. Before your friend gets here.”

“A-are you sure?” 

“You’re scared?” He grins.

“I—No. I just..” You hesitantly make your way over, your legs suddenly weak. “I drank a little, so I don’t—”

“Can you relax?” He laughs again, his laughter as pretty as he is. “It’s not scary, I promise. Here, step on that part. Just hold onto me and hop on.” He points down below and then sticks his arm out for you to grab.

“I’m not scared,” you mumble as you manage to perch yourself on the space behind him, careful not to grip his arm too tight. “I think you’re a little strange, is all.”

 “How so? You gotta hold onto me, sweetheart.” Another engine rev. What is his deal?

You lean forward as much as you can, pressing yourself to him and wrapping your arms around his middle. The seat behind his is slightly raised, and your face absentmindedly presses into the back crook of his neck. It’s too late to pull back when you realize, and the heat in your cheeks starts to burn. Nevertheless, you go through with your accusations.

“Well,” you begin, conscious of your voice as to not be loud in his ear. “You follow me around the bar for some stupid bet, and.. now you’ve forced me onto your bike.”

Ha. As if you hadn’t planned all of this. Sort of.

Another pretty laugh. “It’s a motorcycle,” he mocks you. 

That gets a laugh out of you, squeezing your arms around him a bit as he starts to move. 

“Although, I do have to say—” He halts, a foot firm on the ground, and turns to look you over his shoulder. “Out of anybody I’ve followed around the bar, you’re the only one I’d give a ride to.”

God. You think you’re already in love with him. “That so?”

He presses his lips together and nods, fake serious. 

Pressing your forehead to the back of his jacket, you chuckle. “I guess that means I owe you something.”

“I’ll start driving on one condition,” he offers, his tone playful.

“Hm?”

“Give me a kiss.”

Oh boy. It’s easy by now; you’re already melting into him. Glancing up, your surroundings become a blur and all the outside chatter, the bell on the door and the sound of the other cars go completely silent as you lean your neck to reach. It’s a peck, but it’s complete; all of your lips feel the soft skin of his cheek, plump from a smile under your kiss. And then your chin goes to rest on his shoulder, and next thing you know, you’re off. 

There’s suddenly wind; you weren’t prepared for your hair to flow, as he took off from the parking lot and immediately down the road.

You’re clinging onto him with all your might, maybe a little scared for a moment, but then it starts to feel nice. You don’t even recall the moment he’d slipped his aviators on; perhaps the little kiss you gave him left you in awe instead of vice-versa, or maybe it was the drinks you’d had earlier? Maverick says something but you barely hear it, your stomach fluttering in excitement as he swerves between cars to get out of their way, to fly by beyond them on the road and to make the moment about just the two of you. Nobody else on the road. 

He turns onto a different road, this one longer and less crowded, and you squeal as he starts going faster. A euphoric feeling overtakes you, and even in the wind, through the sound of the engine and Maverick’s muffled voice, you’re convinced you can’t let him slip away after this one either. 

“Maverick!”

Wind, wind, wind. The engine.

Tapping a hand on his side instead, you catch his attention. He slows down just a bit, momentarily glancing over his shoulder again before looking back at the road. 

“You wanna stop?” he yells.

“No!” you shout back. “I just wanted you to know something!”

“What is it?!”

You lean closer to his ear, face in the crook of his neck again. “I was lying! There is no friend!”

He grins. “I know!”

[kysonwrites]

ᵃⁿˣⁱᵉᵗʸ ⁻ ᵐᵃᵗᵗ ˢᵗᵘʳⁿⁱᵒˡᵒ

↳ summary: reader is having a very bad day, and has a panic attack. matt and madi are there for her though.

↳ warnings: mentions of anxiety, and crying. let me know if i missed any! :)

↳ author's note: by the way if anyone is struggling with mental health, please do not be scared to reach out, and talk to me. i love you all, and only want the best for you guys.

↳ disclaimer: reader is female, she/her pronouns used!

you were an influencer as well, thriving with six million subscribers on youtube, and a couple million on all other platforms. you started posting content around two years ago, and people grew extremely quickly to like you. then when you started dating matt sturniolo five months ago, and things went slightly downhill. you would get hate for dating him, he would get hate for dating you. the hate consisted of,

"why her?"

"she's so gross, omg..."

or.

"she could do much better then him."

"please he's so pathetic."

now you did a very good job on blocking the haters out, because you have many many more supporters and fans, then people who went out of their way to try to fuck up your ego. except for today, you had a twin sister, and she was your rock. your everything, she knew how to lighten your day better then anyone else could. she knew, and could feel when your anxiety was getting bad. only she was on a trip, to travel to get her new puppy, that you two would be sharing. you didn't tag along with her because you had videos to film and stuff to do.

something didn't feel right, your mind was filled with thoughts. you couldn't get them out of your head, you played with your fingers as you sat on the triplet's living room couch in la. while nick had his arm around you, talking to chris. you knew you were very attractive, everyone told you all the time. it wasn't your looks that bothered you, hell nothing bothered you. it was just one of those days, that nothing was the cause of making you upset, you just were upset.

"hey, you okay?" matt asked, emerging from the bathroom. he saw your zoned out state.

"yeah, no i'm good. just have to use the restroom." you rambled, before getting up, feeling nick's arm fall from you, and closing the bathroom door behind you. he knew something was up, but wanted to wait until you came out of the bathroom to talk to you about it.

you hadn't had a panic attack in years, you've became so much more healthier, and happier. you had nothing in your life to panic about anymore, but for the thousandth time that day, you felt strange. then you felt the tear fall from your eye, and you sat on the closed toilet seat.

"fuck." you whispered, as you felt your breathing pick up and your tears became to rush from your eyes quicker.

"y/n?" matt asked, you heard him knock.

"yeah?" you tried to sound calm, but it came out squeaky, and rushed.

"you okay? lemme in." he asked the first half, and demanded the other.

"i just,- okay." you tried to lie, but knew he already caught on and you stood up to open the door. as soon as you saw him, you held your chest struggling to breath.

"hey, hey." matt consoled you, as he lowered you to the floor with him. he held you in his arms, as you cried. "what happened, y/n/n?" he asked, not really expecting an answer, he just said it so you remembered he was there.

"i-" you tried to speak, but just clung to him tighter. if you could breath any harder, you did.

madi was your best friend, and she walked by the door looking for you. she gasped as she saw the state you were in, and she quickly moved to the kitchen to get you water.

"breath with me, okay?" he asked, guiding your hand gently to his chest to feel his breathing. "in and out, okay baby?" he saw your eyes, filled with tears. his heart broke, hes never seen you cry before. and it hurt him to see you like this, he hated it. "please don't cry, y/n/n." he said quietly, as your breathing began to slow down.

madi came back with water, and handed it to matt, to give to you. you took the water and sipped it, but when you saw madi's socks. you reached up for her hand, and she sat down next to you. she began to rub your back, smiling softly at you.

"better now?" madi said, nodding her head at you, waiting for an answer.

"yeah, thank you guys." you spoke, while standing up. matt helped you.

"wanna talk about it?" matt said, leading you to his room with madi following.

"sure, madi c'mon." she stopped at matts door frame, as if she didn't know if she was wanted. she stepped into matts room, and she shut the door behind her. you sat on the bed, and matt sat next to you, madi sat down on the other side of you. they looked at you, waiting for you to speak with such kind eyes. "i feel like i was just having an off day, y'know? nothing really made me sad, or panicked. i just felt like it." you explained, looking down kicking your feet while looking at them.

"i know, whenever you feel like that, just make sure you tell us next time." matt said, looking down at you with gentle eyes.

"never feel scared to talk to us, your my best friend. i love you." madi said, bringing you in for a hug.

"i love you guys both, so much." while madi was hugging you, you wrapped one arm around her, and opened the other for matt. he hugged you, and planted a kiss on your temple.

what would you do without them?

[nejishadow]

Kenjikoto / Makokenji half-drabbles and ideas I have no energy to do anything with, because I haven't written fanfic in years, that I don't want to sit in the queue for weeks so it's getting posted now

Feel free (please do!) to expand / finish / take inspo from these for this ship, and please tag me / message me / something if you do because I crave content and exploration between these two. Unhinged tags and comments about how I inspired something/anything give me the biggest amount of fuel to keep creating art!!

Do you wanna see me ramble in real time about these weirdos / pos?? Join @bakafurai 's Kenji Enjoyer Club Discord (in their pinned)!

Some get real long so it's all going below a cut!

((These are all ideas and things written as stream of consciousness to just get my ideas out in a discord channel, so don't expect the best dialogue, formatting, or anything else, I haven't finished a full piece of writing and/or fanfic in years, ha))

Seeing these screenshots my first thought - and a tag I immediately added - was 'you heard the man, Yuki, give him a piggyback ride!'

But I kept thinking like. Makoto's strong. He could? He should??

Makoto kneeling down, telling Kenji to get on then, he'll take him home

Kenji chuckle or laugh, assumes he's joking or being silly like usual, sure Yuki, you can totally do that

Makoto getting serious, if you don't pick in the next couple seconds I'm leaving you behind. Kenji panicks at that and gets on without thinking and is surprised when Makoto stands up and carries him no problem (insert "I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me")

too shocked that Makoto can even do this to be embarrassed, maybe asks Makoto why he's doing this, Kenji could've just sucked it up. Answer something like "because I wanted to", Yuki doesn't elaborate much on those things.

Gives Kenji some time to do stuff he usually wouldn't, like study Makoto's hair, hear the music spilling out the headphones etc. I like the idea he just gets so relaxed on the way home he falls asleep but Makoto keeps carrying him

It's totally just a Best Bros privilege thing, could mean nothing more!! Simply don't think about how it made you feel ever again

Bonus of

Kenji talking to Makoto in the classroom, Junpei coming up making some joke about how people saw them, asking if Makoto can do that for him too (laugh, joke, being friend.)

And Makoto boils it down to: no

That makes Kenji real happy, that he's special like that. But he does stuff only for Yuki too so it's normal!!

--------------------

"So we've all thought about how pretty Yuki is, right, like the guy catches everyone's eye when he walks in, how couldn't we? Even with his bad fashion sense he just grabs your attention"

Kaz makes the most sense to respond, they are friends just "… I have never thought that. Are you sure you're not goin' through something?"

slaps a pic of Yosuke and Kenji These bad boys can fit so much comphet and denial in 'em!

--------------------

Another idea I remembered, less fleshed but a strong visual I wanted to draw

Kenji waiting at track practice for Makoto to be done. Kenji had never seen him run so decided to wait outside for once

Of course he's impressed. Makoto seems to take his time walking everywhere, at least when they go places, but man, he can run!

Makoto flopping next to him when he's done, after everyone else disperses, small talk about how hes surprised Kenji waited out here, doesn't seem interested in sports. Kenji some speech about how he wanted to see how badly Yuki beat everyone else

it's pretty hot, and Makoto's tired, flops over into Kenji's lap. 'Let me nap here a few minutes and we can go, you're cooler than the bench'

Kenji tenses a bit, but breathes, Yuki just wants to rest, chill!… but he can't help but eventually card his hand through Makoto's bangs, pushing them up and outta the way.

Makoto opens his eyes and just looks at him, not judgemental or questioning, just observing. But oh no - Kenji had never stared at both his eyes so close oh this is a problem

quickly he removes his hand, apologizes, some comment about how Yuki just looked sweaty and he was trying to move the hair off

Makoto closes his eyes again… 'I don't mind. I am in your space, I guess…'

after a bit, Kenji relaxes and starts running his hands through the hair again, silky and feathery. He can think about how this makes him feel LATER (never), for now he just wants to enjoy this thing he likely won't get again

Tho Makoto better hope Yuko doesn't see this or she's gonna tease him about his boyfriend / biggest fan until the end of time

--------------------

Pics I drew made me think of kenjikoto train ride(s):

Makoto tired, either tucks into Kenji's shoulder or leans on his head for a quick nap

Kenji doesn't mind, knows Makoto doesn't sleep the best, even if he doesn't know why

Anytime the train jostles or moves he instinctually holds Makoto's head so it doesn't shake or fall, wants him to be comfortable

it's not until they reach the destination and Makoto separates from him that Kenji thinks… oh, that was actually nice. I wish the ride could've been just a little bit longer

a bonus if Makoto senses his change in mood and gives him a shoulder bump, trying to cheer him up. Maybe offering to hang out awhile longer at the dorm or something

Aka there is no way Kenji isn't touch starved, as are all the protags and a third of the cast pft

About Makoto being a frequent napper: Asks Kenji to eat on the roof with him almost exclusively so he can take a nap, because he's just a lil bit silly like that. Gives Kenji time to just talk to him, ramble, hard to do that when you're out eating food.

--------------------

Girl Advice made me think of a rough conversation

"Everyone assumes you're cold, man. No wonder you dont have a girlfriend! Even if they talked to you, a few words outta your mouth and they'd turn tail and leave."

"Why's it so important to have a girlfriend, anyway?" Eats some of his lunch bread

"You're such a good guy, you deserve one, man!" A shoulder tap. "If they knew the real you, they'd be falling over themselves to get your attention, I know it."

Makoto a head tilt or a look, confused by the use of 'deserve'. Kenji deciphers it

"… well a girlfriend makes guys happy, right? I want to see you happy all the time!" Putting both his hands on Makoto's shoulders and shaking him a smidge. "Doesnt it sound fun? Double dates, man, we can hang out all the time!"

Makoto blinks in a thoughtful way, meeting Kenji's eyes. "But I'm already happy, hanging out with you like this. Isn't that enough? We do things together all the time… why do we need anyone else?"

Kenji blinks a bit in surprise. Yeah, he'd never thought of that. He's also really happy around Yuki… is that… ok? For two guys to always hang out alone? Yuki never seems to think it's odd…

Makoto slowly grabs Kenji's hands off of his shoulder, Kenji swears he feels Yuki squeeze them for just a second before a wrapped sandwich is pushed into them.

"Eat, almost time for class. You can't live off ramen forever."

Kenji just nods, unwrapping it and adjusting himself before taking a bite. If Makoto feels just a bit more of their sides touching, he doesn't comment on it

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 17 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad + chaps updated till 27

What the–, Matt thought as he was currently looking at his Instagram feed. He had decided to browse through Instagram incognito with his second account, but nothing had prepared him for what he was looking at.

Am I being crazy or– there's no way. Matt was kind of starting to panic as he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He dared glance at Nick and Chris who hadn't noticed his confused state yet. Should he ask them for help? Should he mention his issue? Eh, what can I do alone… I need some objectivity.

“Hey guys…” Matt called for his brothers who were sitting on one of the beds.

“Yeah?” Chris replied without looking up.

“Can I talk about something?”

Feeling that it was somewhat important, Nick nudged Chris to put down his phone so that they could give their full attention to Matt.

“What’s going on? Are you ok?” Nick asked as he was worried with the tone Matt used.

“Hmm, nothing major but I needed to tell you about someone.”

“Okay…” Nick and Chris said in sync.

“So– I’ve been talking to this girl for like six or seven months I guess like since spring I’d say and…”

Now knowing where the conversation could go, neither Chris nor Nick was going to interrupt Matt as it was now or never.

“She might know us?” Matt internally cringed as he wasn’t even sure of what he was saying.

“What do you mean?” Nick demanded as he wanted clarification. “Have you said anything about yourself?”

“No but why are we only learning about this girl now?” Chris eventually interrupted as he felt confused.

“Well no, like– she knows my name is Matt but that’s all! It’s just– wait lemme explain, I’ll try to make sense.” Matt was starting to panic at the idea that his brothers didn’t approve of what he was going to tell them. “Ok so this girl, she’s called Lily. She randomly started texting me and at first I was weary obviously but then I realised we had quite some common ground like regarding cartoons and games such as Pokemon or Fortnite. I mean, we even played together once. But unrelated I guess, I don’t know…”

“Take your time bro, we ain’t going nowhere.” Chris reassured as he felt Matt stressing.

“Yeah, hmm… and it’s just– I started following her on Instagram with my other account you know and she’s really into photography so she posts landscapes and stuff, but her most recent posts looked too familiar and I just need you to confirm if I’m getting crazy or nah.”

As Matt had kind of finished rambling, he gave his phone open on Lily’s latest post. Nick took it and scrolled through the other posts below. Indeed, Nick and Chris felt a sense of familiarity as the photos were very much looking like the last three cities they’ve travelled to.

“Maybe she’s travelling through Florida, doesn’t mean it’s for us.” Chris tried to reason.

“Look at her tagged posts…” Matt quietly said.

Nick didn’t even have time to leave the post they were on that he let out a gasp.

“Wait– I know her.”

“WHAT?” Chris and Matt both exclaimed.

“Like I don’t know her but I know her account”, Nick started explaining as he tapped on a post of the sunset he had looked at before. “I was literally on it two days ago. She’s friends with someone who went on stage with us.”

“Oh... Oh…” They all realised together that Nick was basically confirming what Matt had been assuming.

To be absolutely certain, Nick did go see her tagged posts and indeed saw Alex’s posts from Orlando. This was now sure, Matt had met Lily and he’d had no idea although they had seen each other probably a couple of times.

“No yeah and I recognise her from our last three shows, I think?” Chris wondered out loud. “So yep bro, she does know us and we actually met her. Got a café and shit if I remember well.”

Matt didn’t know how to react. Not only Lily was a fan of him and his brothers, but he had met her in real life. How was he even supposed to react? Text her to confront her? Matt was completely lost at the moment, but only one thought was in his head and he spoke before thinking it through:

“Would it be crazy to say I wanna see her again?”

What, Matt realised what he had just said. What am I thinking? Fuck.

“Erm… what do you mean?” Nick softly asked as he could sense Matt’s stress increasing.

“Sorry, stupid idea. I don’t even know what I’m saying…” Matt replied as he was now embarrassed. “Just like– I literally met a great online friend but none of us was aware and, I don’t know… it’s weird because she might be sceptical at knowing that I am Matt, the Matt she’s been texting is the same as the Matt she’s a fan of.”

“Well, it makes sense to think like that.” Chris agreed with his brother. “But you can’t know until you guys actually talk about your real identities. Damn, it’s giving a spy movie.”

“Chris, stop.” Nick lightly punched his arm to prevent him from joking about it but when he saw that Matt actually laughed at it, he stopped tormenting Chris.

After a small silence, Matt finally gathered the courage to ask what the three of them had now been pondering about.

“Would it be weird to invite her to our last show?”

“Wow, you wanna meet her with the fam there?” Chris chuckled as he then continued with a more serious tone. “No problem with me to be honest, but how do you even want to bring this up with her?”

“Chris is right,” Nick agreed. “Are you gonna text her and reveal yourself out of nowhere?

“No, of course not.” Matt had rejected that idea from the beginning. “I kinda know how to do it I guess, but I just want your approval before doing anything.”

“Fine by me if you know how to get her there”, Chris shrugged.

“Nick?” Matt faced his brother, hoping to get a positive reaction.

“I guess it doesn’t hurt to properly meet her. And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll take care of it so don’t worry.” Nick was actually giving his brother the green light to start his plan. “If I’m not mistaken about who she is, I remember her being really nice so it should be fine.”

“Yeah, she is really kind. I always thought you'd like her, so I hope you will.”

To finish reassuring Matt that everything was alright, Nick and Chris both pulled him into a group hug before letting him go text the now infamous girl.

Lily

Hey, it’s been a while

How are you?

MATT

Heyy

Yeah sorry i’ve been mia

I’m great tho, i’ve been travelling a bit w alex so it’s really fun

You?

It’s ok don’t worry, I was busy as well with my brothers

But I’m good too :)

And yeah i saw your pics, they look really nice

Thanks!

Where were you if I can ask?

Ofc ye

We went to atlanta then florida where we still are

Oh sweet

Celebrating anything special or just a well deserved break?

Hmm both I’d say

We just went to see some artists ig

But it was cool to move around for a bit

Ok matt you can do it

Unsent

Sounds cool indeed

Which singers are on tour rn?

Oh it wasn’t a concert

It was some youtubers

Like doing a tour to meet fans, play games and shit

Shit indeed

Unsent

This is the moment

Unsent

Wait it kinda rings a bell

Is it like those triplets?

Omg yes

The sturniolo triplets

How’d you know?? You watched them too?

Well i think my cousin was supposed to see them for their last show

Talked to me about it for weeks

That’s awesome!!

Wait, was? :(

She can’t go anymore yeah

That's a bummer

I hope she'll get another occasion if they ever do another tour somewhere later

She probably will

🤞🤞

Hey hmm

Might be weird to ask idk but would you wanna go?

I promise i don't wanna sound creepy

Oh-

Damn, wasn’t expecting that

Does she only have one ticket?

She has two

Ig you went w alex, right? So that’s why i’m offering

Would be free btw

She’s not even expecting resale anymore because the show is very soon i think

Yeah in like 2 days lmao

I’m tempted bro fr

I swear i’m not trying to scam you

You’re still in florida right? So not that far away depending your current city

And i can even send you my cousin’s number if you want to talk with her

The fuck are you doing, Matt thought as he felt like he sounded desperate and didn’t know how to proceed. How would he even get someone who doesn’t exist to text Lily? As he sighed, Matt brought Nick’s attention to him.

“What’s wrong? Is she reacting negatively to whatever you’re offering?”

“I guess she’s just being careful but…” Matt thought about how he could solve his situation. “What would you do for your brother in need?”

“Helping my favourite brother? Depends but almost anything if the reward is nice enough,” Nick replied with a small laugh.

“Hey!” Chris reacted to Nick’s mention of Matt being his favourite brother.

“You know I’m kidding, my favourite is Justin obviously.”

“So yeah Nick…” Matt tried to word his request. “How would you feel about texting Lily to pretend to be my cousin who has tickets for our last show?”

Both Nick and Chris silently looked at Matt to process what was his plan. As Nick asked for clarification, Matt explained the idea he had and what he needed from Nick.

“Honestly, it’s not that bad like–” Chris was supporting Matt for what he wanted to do. “If I were in her shoes I would be the same obviously, but it seems legit.”

“Well, it is.” Matt confirmed. “We can actually give out a couple of tickets to people even if the show is sold out, just gotta ask Laura to edit them.”

“True,” Nick agreed. “Count me in, I’m actually curious to get to know your little friend outside of the ‘Meet & Greet’ atmosphere.”

With a sigh of relief, Matt was prepared to send Lily’s number to Nick and vice versa when he saw that she had replied.

Lily

I’ll trust you dw

When would you be able to send them?

“Ok slight change of plans”, Matt quickly said as he looked up from his phone. “Nick, thanks but I won’t need you for the cousin persona. A for the effort though. And questions: first, how quick can Laura make me two tickets for backstage? Second, how mad would she be that it’s fucking last minute for a random girl?”

“If we explain the whole thing to her she might not be that mad?” Chris tried to rationalise as nothing looked wrong in his opinion. “Nick can ask her for the tickets and I explain to the parents that we’ll have two guests after the show with us.”

Nick nodded in agreement with his youngest brother then took his phone to text their manager Laura and see if she would come meet them to talk. Matt felt so supported at the moment that he couldn’t help the soft look in his eyes. He was capable of looking at his brothers with such pure love, especially when they were doing the most basic things for him.

“Thank you both, I would never do anything without you by my side.”

Comforting Matt for the second time tonight, Chris and Nick side hugged him to show their appreciation as Nick announced that Laura was coming over to their room.

Half an hour later, Laura had agreed to the triplets’ request and told them that she could get the tickets for the next day first thing in the morning, which Matt passed on to Lily. She thanked him for at least five minutes as she couldn’t believe her luck. It’s not everyday that the friend you’ve been texting for seven months coincidentally has a cousin who can miraculously give you tickets to your favourite YouTubers’ tour – it's also not everyday that said friend is actually one of those YouTubers.

Now that Laura was aware of the situation and that his parents didn’t mind the additional guests – they were actually excited about meeting a new friend of their son’s, Matt felt more relaxed and confident about how next Sunday would happen: he would meet fans, take pictures with them, do the show as usual, take other pictures, do the ‘normal’ backstage then finally meet Lily. He could do it. He had met her already. This was simply a more proper meeting, right? I can do it, I did a lot already to make it happen so I can’t chicken out now.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[four-white-trees]

Sunday Six: opening the vault

I ain't written in a minute but I don't want to lapse on S6 for two weeks in a row, soooo have some gay Star Wars OC fun if you like! I've been wrangling some of my old stuff together to post. Most of it is sort of rambling episodes without much of a storyline, so I've been trying to organize it all. You don't really need to know anything about SW to enjoy this. It's mostly just homoerotic teasing.

Tagging: @overdevelopedglasses @jichanxo @skysquid22 @mike----wazowski @passthroughtime

Hobbs stood outside Joiner’s quarters, working up the gumption to knock. It had been a few days since the incident in the transport, and in the chaos, Hobbs hadn’t had a chance to give Joiner his blaster back. He hadn’t even seen Joiner for more than a few minutes since then. Gaius had been keeping him busy, but Hobbs heard Joiner had finally gotten a break. 

Perhaps he should just leave the blaster by the door. Joiner would be sure to get it when he left. Then again, this crew was not made up of scrupulous types—and anyone could come along and take it. Especially those of the crew fortunate enough not to be as familiar with Joiner. 

He sighed. No, do the right thing, he told himself. 

He raised his hand to knock on the door when it slid open on its own. Hobbs blinked at the open door, and saw Joiner on his bed, sitting up against the headboard, throwing darts. He was shirtless and barefoot, although thankfully he still wore his trousers. Hobbs couldn’t help the way his gaze fell over Joiner, enjoying in a distant sort of way Joiner’s muscular but stout form. Hobbs always did have a thing for guys with a little extra to them.

Unfamiliar music was playing quietly, made up of what sounded like high-pitched flutes, fiddles, and some sort of pipe Hobbs had never heard before.

Joiner glanced at Hobbs as he threw his last dart. “Wonderin’ if ya were gonna just stand out there all day,” he said. He stretched out his hand and the darts flew back into his grasp. It was still quite astounding to Hobbs to see even such a simple display of Force powers. 

Hobbs stepped into the room. “I just wanted to return this,” Hobbs said, holding out the blaster. 

Joiner glanced at it, then threw a dart. It hit the bullseye. “Put it on the desk, will ya, Space Cadet?” he said. 

Hobbs did as he was told, but turned to Joiner with a huff. “Will you stop calling me Space Cadet?” he said, trying to sound more commanding. 

Joiner threw another dart. Hit the target dead-on again. “The hell else am I gonna call ye?” 

“My name, perhaps?” Hobbs responded. 

“Your name?” He threw the final dart. It landed between the other two. “Laddie, I don’t call people I like by their proper names.” 

Hobbs started. “You…like me?” 

Joiner reached over and picked up a glass bottle of whiskey that had been resting on an end table, taking a long drink from it. He gave no answer.

“Th-then why do you pick on me?” Hobbs demanded. 

Joiner sighed. He reached out and the darts flew back to him. “Yer just a skinny little greenhorn. Ye gotta cut yer teeth somehow.” 

Hobbs glared, but said nothing in response.

The music swelled into a crescendo. Hobbs recognized the melody. It was the tune Joiner always whistled. Even now, Joiner hummed along quietly as he threw the darts again. It was surreal to see Joiner like this, as Hobbs had only ever seen him stalking around the ship like a caged jaguar. Part of him wasn’t certain that this was that same man. 

“I’ve got to get back to work,” Hobbs said. Joiner took another drink of his whiskey and didn’t say anything. 

Hobbs headed toward the door, but as he got to the threshold, Joiner called to him, “’Ey, Space Cadet.” Hobbs turned and nearly screamed when one of the darts came flying at him. It stopped just mere centimeters in front of his eye and stayed there for a second in frozen momentum before it returned to Joiner’s hand. Joiner started laughing as Hobbs recovered from the fright. 

Hobbs glared at him. “That’s not funny,” he growled. 

“Yer fuckin’ face!” Joiner said, his laughter deepening. 

Cheeks burning, Hobbs turned and left Joiner’s quarters, but Joiner’s laughter echoed in his mind the rest of the day. 

[lover-of-mine]

just saw a take so irritating….. a post waxing poetic about how tommy is kind about buck being nervous and gentle and patient with buck’s rambling and willing to just listen and that makes him perfect for buck etc etc….. soooooo eddie? that’s literally what eddie does in canon?? why is this fandom suddenly kicking eddie to the curb and pretending his friendship with buck is just surface level coworkers and the last 5 seasons don’t exist, but his relationship with tommy is this deep meaningful built up thing where tommy is the perfect guy!! why are they making eddie’s personality and the way he treats buck all about tommy instead ahhhhh i’m going mad

Honey, something I learned is that people who wobblify Buck, make him this baby who has never done anything wrong in his life and needs to be protected and cuddled, don't really see Eddie for who he is. They wanted Buck to be in a grumpy/sunshine relationship so bad they made Eddie this broody, uncommunicative, bad at love person that's just not who he is, and now they can project that into Tommy while making Eddie seem like a horrible friend to justify jumping the ship when Eddie has done nothing Buck love Buck since he met him. Eddie was repeating Buck's facts back to him 2 episodes in, we have MULTIPLE instances of Eddie being the only person paying close attention to Buck while he rambles (I actually have a set on that that I keep forgetting to finish), and yeah, Eddie is more teasing about it, but it's not like Eddie is ever mean about it. I think there's a portion of the people who are this aggressive about Buck and Tommy are just grabbing on to whatever m/m couple the show puts in front of them, and look, not saying I'm anti Buck and Tommy, I'm sure I'll enjoy Buck stumbling through this is this whole first queer romance way, but if you put me to vote "new guy who makes Buck flustered" vs "Buck's literal partner of years", I'm not voting Tommy, yk? Eddie has proved over and over how much he loves Buck and you can even argue that the way Tommy knows how to defuse/reassure Buck before the kiss is because of things Eddie told him, because we don't see Buck with Tommy alone besides the hangar and no one would catch on with Buck's abandonment issues that fast. Love that Buck seems to be in a romantic relationship with someone who's kind to him, considering his past, that's a HUGE win, but they have been building Buck and Eddie for 6 seasons, to say they're not it for each other is just wrong. But honestly, you should protect your peace and blog the tags. You can even block words so if people are bad at tagging you still won't see it, and just block and move on, is what I'm doing when I see a take that makes me realize me and someone fundamentally see the show in too different ways. The blacklist and block buttons are your friends.

[echotunes]

what is DNACE $ it intrigues me….

ok well dnace $ is. titled that because I made the doc while having a bit of a Moment and was too excited to turn off capslock while typing the title so it ended up as DNACE $ rather than "dance 4" and this was just funny to me so I left it.

as for why 4: well I mentioned in the tags of the post that dancefic has been a running Thing for me so. well. allow me to go into detail. general context is that I, irl, do ballroom dance, and enjoy being normal about it. so naturally I spin characters in my brain about it as well

original dancefic wasn't even qsmp, it was jmart when I'd just started taking dance lessons and was still into TMA, but. well you can guess what happened (it never got finished)

dancefic 1: back in may of last year people on qsmp had been using "bailar" as a codeword for "talk to sofia" so they could talk about it in chat without alerting the feds. which produced these two posts on tumblr user bigboobyhalo's blog (x) (x) and also this art by pppuri. and that had me go HUH. DANCE. You Know What I Can Do. and I started writing about cellbit and bbh having to put on a tango performance. and it was kind of epic and I put SO much work into it. like I had planned out an entire choreography and everything it was a lot of fun. but also halfway through the actual writing art I ended up losing confidence because I felt like it wasn't really interesting to read and didn't know how to fix that. so I scrapped it however tbh! rereading it for this ask it is not bad! like I still see what I felt the issues were but it's kinda fun ngl. there's early spiderbit. jaiden is here. kind of a vibe

dancefic 2: this doc is literally nothing it just says "slow waltz... wedding dance......" but. well it is about spiderbit. you understand. the thought is there

dancefic 3: also literally just bullet points but it was jaiden and roier. alas. the platonic silliness potential of ballroom dance is so very underrated I think

dancefic 4: for this one I was having a Moment in codes's dms about fitpac ballroom dancing. because I think there are some beautiful things that you can do with the leader/follower dynamic and the fact that who does which is not related to who is the more experienced dancer. and. ok well the ask game says post snippets I will just copypaste what the doc says (which iirc I also just copypasted from what I'd said to codes at the time)

fit feeling horribly awkward and out of place as pac teaches him some simple steps... i can't decide which of them leading i like more... like pac leading fit is great because big buff guy being the follower is really good (i typically do leading steps and have led people bigger (as in taller & wider) and also less confident in their dance abilities than me and it's SO FUN it makes me feel very silly. in a good way. i am just rambling and projecting now. anyway) and also pac would be more likely to know how to dance so he'd be the more confident one and be able to teach fit the steps HOWEVER i also really like fit leading because like. again he wouldn't know what he's doing. and pac dancing the follower's steps but still kind of leading anyway because he's still the one instigating all the motions and like guiding fit into how to lead him around is REALLY GOOD whagwuahghs (i have also done this it's a lot of fun)

like. you understand. you understand. yes. but. well I have also not actually written any of this it is just a Concept In My Brain but. yeag

(and there is also a dancefic 5. it truly never ends. but i talked about that one in this ask!)

[WIP tag/ask game]

[kinkajouwof]

HIII I KNOW U GUYS LIKE MY OPINIONS FOR SOME REASON.....SO I RAMBLED ON ABOUT SOME OF MY THOUGHTS ON ANEMONE. THIS IS JUST MY THOUGHTS SPILLED OUT INTO A POST WITHOUT LOOKING BACK, SO SOME THINGS MAY BE A BIT OFF AND NOT CORRECT. HOWEVER!!!! THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN BE INSANE ON IT IF I WANT. FEEL FREE TO ADD ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THE TAGS OR JUST TO READ THIS AND BE LIKE "HMMM OK"

ALSO IM DEFINITELY LEAVING STUFF OUT OF THIS POST BUT. ITS ALREADY LONG ENOUGH. IT DOESNT NEED MORE EVEN IF I HAVE SOOOO MUCH MORE TO SAY....

I WISH WE COULDVE SEEN ANEMONES REACTION TO FINDING OUT ORCA WAS 1. AN ANIMUS 2. KILLING OFF HER BABY SISTERS ALL THIS TIME

LIKE. SHE WAS TERRIFIED OF ALBATROSS, HER 2000 YEAR OLD RELATIVE WHO WAS A MURDEROUS ANIMUS. IMAGINE HOW SHE'D FEEL NOW KNOWING HER SISTER WHO WAS GLORIFIED TO HER ALL THESE YEARS BY CORAL WAS ONE TOO.

WOULD SHE FEEL RESENTMENT TOWARDS ORCA AS WELL, FOR THE FACT THAT HER LITERALLY BEING CHAINED TO CORAL SINCE HER HATCHING WAS HER ALL FAULT? WOULD IT ADD TO HER CORRUPTION THAT IT SEEMS HER FAMILY IS ALWAYS OUT TO GET HER IN SOME WAY? THAT HER FAMILY CAUSES HER NOTHING BUT SUFFERING?

THE SEAWING ROYAL LINEAGE IS ONE PAVED IN BLOOD FROM DRAGONS JUST LIKE HER, THATS WHAT SHE WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT. IS IT TRUE THAT SHES THE ONLY ONE WITH THE POSSIBILITY TO BE EVIL IN HER FAMILY? THEN HOW COME SHE FACES SO MUCH CRUELTY AT THE TALONS OF HER OWN MOTHER? A CRUELTY THAT IS IGNORED EVEN BY DRAGONS WITH THEIR OWN FREEDOM, LIKE TSUNAMI? ITS ONLY WHEN TSUNAMI SHOWS UP SHE BEGINS TO REALIZE THE FLAWS IN HER UPBRINGING. SURE, WHAT TSUNAMI WENT THROUGH WAS HORRIBLE, BUT SHE WAS FREE. FREE TO SAY AND THINK WHAT SHE WANTED. WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO MEET HER FAMILY? FAMILY IS NOTHING BUT EXPECTATIONS AND CONTROL TO ANEMONE. CONSIDERING SHE COULD NEVER VISIT HER BROTHERS, AND HER FATHER DIED SHORTLY BEFORE(?) HER HATCHING, ALL SHE HAS IS CORAL. AND CORAL IS CONTROLLING AND CRUEL.

IN ANEMONE'S EYES, BEING A DRAGONET OF DESTINY SOUNDS PERFECT. SHE'S FREE AND FULL OF DRAGONS WHO WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HER- AND SHE STILL RETAINS THE ATTENTION AND GLORY SHE DESERVES.

OH, ATTENTION. THE THING ANEMONE GREW UP WITH CONSTANTLY. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE, WITH AUKLETS HATCHING, SHE HAS TO SHARE. SHES NOT USED TO THIS, BUT ANYTHING TO TAKE CORAL OFF OF HER BACK IS BLISS. JADE MOUNTAIN IS EVERYTHING SHE COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR. HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF, ONCE AGAIN, HER UPBRINGING, SHE DOESNT REALIZE NOT EVERYTHING WILL BE HANDED TO HER. NOT ALL EYES WILL AUTOMATICALLY STAY FIXED ON HER. BUT THATS WHAT SHE GREW UP WITH. SHE IS NOT USED TO THE SUDDEN LACK OF SPOTLIGHT. HOW SHE CRAVES IT, BUT DESPISES IT. SHE DOESNT WANT CORALS ATTENTION, BUT SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE IGNORED. SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS.

DARKSTALKER. DARKSTALKER APPEARS AND CHANGES EVERYTHING. A DRAGON WHO FINALLY UNDERSTANDS HER. WHO UNDERSTANDS HER FEAR OF TURNING OUT LIKE DRAGONS OF THE PAST, THE FEAR OF HER OWN TALONS BETRAYING HER. AND FINALLY A DRAGON WHO SEES HER FOR HER POTENTIAL AT THIS SCHOOL. THE ATTENTION SHE WANTS, SHE FEELS SHE NEEDS, TO SURVIVE. DARKSTALKER IS LIKE A PARENT SHE ALWAYS WANTED.

BUT THEN THERES MOON. DARKSTALKERS FAVOURITE. IN ANEMONE'S EYES, DARKSTALKER SHOULDNT PAY ATTENTION TO MOON. SHES REGULAR, SHE HARDLY UNDERSTANDS AND RELATES TO ALL THE STRUGGLES THEY AS ANIMUS DRAGONS HAVE. SHE JUST GETS IN THE WAY. SHE REMINDS HER OF HER UNVOICED FRUSTRATIONS WITH TSUNAMI- STOP COMPLAINING, YOU SUFFERED, BUT YOU WERE FREE! YOU HAVE HARDLY ANYTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT! OF COURSE THATS NOT TRUE, BUT AGAIN, ANEMONE DOESNT SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT. AT LEAST, SHES NOT USED TO HAVING TO. SHE CRAVES THE ATTENTION AND WARMTH SHE ONCE FELT, BUT WITHOUT THE CRUELTY OF CORAL. AND IN DARKSTALKER SHE SEES THIS. UNAWARE SHES BEING USED, OF COURSE.

AND THEN OF COURSE DARKSTALKER SEES AN ABUSED EMOTIONAL VULNERABLE CHILD WITH VERY LITTLE INSIGHT TO THE WORLD AND SEES A PERFECT DRAGON TO MANIPULATE.

AND FOR ONCE, ANEMONE THINKS SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. THESE CONFLICTING FEELINGS, THE THRONE. THATS IT, ISNT IT? ITS WHAT DARKSTALKER WANTED, AND SHE WANTS TO BE LIKE HIM. FREE TO THINK AND DO WHAT HE WANTS, BELOVED BY ALL. THATLL MAKE IT ALL BE OK. AND FINALLY, SHELL BE FREE PERMANENTLY FROM CORAL. HER PERSPECTIVE IS TWISTED TO FIT THE VIOLENT BELIEFS DARKSTALKER HOLDS. BECAUSE SHES BEEN MANIPULATED SO HEAVILY, SHE THINKS LIKE HIM. SHE DOESNT CARE WHO GETS IN HER WAY TO THE THRONE, THEYLL REGRET IT. BECAUSE THATS WHAT SHE NEEDS, THE THRONE.

ITS ONLY WHEN TURTLE, A DRAGON SHE BELIEVED ENTIRELY OPPOSITE TO HER. A STRANGER IN HER LIFE, YET HER BROTHER, STEPS IN, SHE BEGINS TO SNAP OUT OF THE CONTROLLED HAZE.

THE PAINFUL WAKE UP CALL IS WHEN DARKSTALKER ENCHANTS HER. HE CONTROLS HER WITH EASE. TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. HER FREEDOM WASNT REAL THIS ENTIRE TIME, AND SHES MORE CONTROLLED THAN SHE HAS EVER BEEN. HOWEVER, DESPITE HER LASHING OUT AND DESPITE THE FIGHT THEY JUST HAD, TURTLE STEPS IN. SELFLESSLY. HE SAVES HER. WHEN SHE DIDNT DESERVE IT.

SHE DIDNT DESERVE IT. SHE TRIED TO KILL HIM. SHE BELIEVED HER FAMILY MEANT NOTHING TO HER. YET HERE TURTLE IS, SAVING HER LIFE AND SACRIFICING HIS OWN IN THE PROCESS. BECAUSE HE CARES. NOW SHES LEFT ALONE WITH HER THOUGHTS, AN INABILITY TO SPEAK, THINKING ABOUT WHAT JUST TOOK PLACE. THAT ALONE SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO SET HER ON A BETTER PATH. A PATH TOWARDS HER REDEMPTION, BEING SHOWN ULTIMATE KINDNESS WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED. THE ULTIMATE ACT OF FAMILIAL LOVE BY A BROTHER SHE HARDLY KNEW.

So tell me why Tui decided she needed an enchantment to magically fix her flaws to have her redeemed what the fuck

[benjaminthewolf]

I need to have another serious conversation with you guys, this time about unwilling vore and fatal vore

WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF R@PE, MURDER

I am leaving this marked for everyone because I believe that we can be mature enough to have a civil, serious conversation on this topic together, which ultimately, everyone in this community should consider, because this is VERY important.

****

These past couple weeks have just been one thing after the other after the other

First, transitioning into a Keto diet to lose some weight left me with horrible carb-flu for a week (withdrawal of carbs producing flu-like symptoms such as body aches and cramps),

Then I had to wake up at 7:30 and 6 respectively on summer days for high school graduation rehersal and graduation,

I was struggling to hold myself together at graduation because of my school-related trauma,

My brother and dad got into a fight on the way home,

Today I had to go through four and a half hours straight of online college orientation,

And now, finally, once I reached that online orientation's interactive module about sexual misconduct and what exactly rape is, I utterly broke. Because there it was right in my face, a statement that I had already known since I was old enough to understand the concept, yet something which I had never seemed to fully process the implications of when applying it to this community.

"If the sexual activity is done without the active, informed consent of both partners, its rape."

It's no secret that I have indeed written some NSFW stories which have since, thanks to a previous discussion, been properly marked as mature and will be reblogged onto my NSFW blog on a once every Monday schedule, but, it is also no secret that some of those NSFW stories, sexually charged fics, feature unwilling vore.

Or, to state it more bluntly, per the definition above, they feature rape. I have willingly written rape, read over the rape multiple times, thoroughly enjoying it, and have put it out for the world to see. Especially considering that these stories were available to everyone including minors for quite some time, I cannot see how this is anything other than abhorrent. I was taking enjoyment from the sexual abuse I was writing into existence, and I feel utterly sick.

It seems to me now that "unwilling vore", particularly in the NSFW vore community, is simply a way of saying "rape" that makes it less taboo and more acceptable to talk about and create content for. It's become so normalized now, that I could not find a single post in the "unwilling vore" tag that was having this discussion when I searched for it. Instead it was all posts glorifying the concept, which ultimately, in an NSFW context, is rape. Period.

This can also extend to fatal vore and how I so enjoyed writing and reading about acidic murders. It's murder. Full stop. Especially in an NSFW context, I should not be enjoying such a concept.

But I do.

And honestly, I'm not entirely sure that removing the NSFW context makes it okay either. It may not be sexual, and thus won't constitute as rape, but just think about how paralyzingly traumatic the experience would be to an unwilling prey...and for fatal vore, it is most certainly still murder! Why am I normalizing and glorifying this kind of stuff? Why?

What the hell have I been doing for these past few years? Why have I loved and enjoyed so deeply this concept and this community which encompasses such abhorrent actions and not only normalizes them but turns them into hot fun time fics?

I have no idea anymore, and I have tipple the no idea of how I was able to last like this for so long without any sort of justification to speak of. Was I just suppressing what I already knew because I was scared to face reality? Honestly, I think that might be it.

I'm sorry, I'm just rambling at this point but I honestly have no idea anymore. I just feel awful, that's the bottom line. Rape and murder, in stories that are sexual. That is what I have created. I am nothing more than an insensitive, uncaring, unsympathetic, immoral, horrific piece of shit who thought for years that this was okay. These things have hurt real people in real life. I feel like I am shitting on their stories and their experiences for each and every single NSFW unwilling vore and fatal vore story I have created. Glorifying, normalizing, and sexualizing the pain, agony, and trauma these real people went through, for nothing more than my own pleasure. How am I not behind bars? (/gen)

-Benjamin

[forabeatofadrum]

WIP ASK ME GAME

Thanks @bitbybitwrites for the tag. Like many, I am always down to clown about my WIPs.

I just have so many of them, so I am only going to talk about the ones I am focusing on. RIP to the many others who are in the far away ward in my WIP Hospital.

Under the cut because I ramble:

Partially published WIPs:

February Friday Event 2024 - Radio Silence (Alice Oseman)

Only one chapter is up. This is just a collection of 4 short fics that are set in post-canon of Radio Silence. They're based on the prompts from the February Friday Event. 2 of the 3 remaining chapters are partially written, but not finished. One will be about Carys and her thoughts on Universe City. The other is about friendship, but Carys and Aled are once again reminded by how badly their childhood was for them.

Ljubili se - Glee

MY BABY. This is the sequel to Ljubim te, the fic where Kurt and Blaine meet in Ljubljana. Now they're back in America and long-distance, with Blaine being in LA and Kurt in NY. My main reason for being stuck is admittedly that it's getting too ambitious and I need to figure out how to tell a coherent sequel. It's quite difficult, because Ljubim te was written without a sequel in mind and without much space to do more, but I love this world I made so here I am anyway.

Dancin' on that bamboo ceiling - Glee

A series of standalone fic that explore Asian identity and casual racism in glee. I've been working on and off on it for years and I have published some. But I really want to finish more. Right now I have a story about traditional dress and feeling removed from your heritage in my mind.

The Sarah Jane Adventures Extended Universe (SJAEU) - The Sarah Jane Adventures

Yes, my SJAEU is back on my mind. It's a spin-off of the Sarah Jane Adventures (which is in itself a Doccy Whomst spin-off) and it focuses on Luke after he left Bannerman Road and well, my unofficial title is Luke's Big Gay Oxford Adventures. The thing I posted is an overview of the AU, but I have been cooking up actual fics that are set in this AU since 2017 and they're simmering again.

Not published WIPs:

Just Some Guy - Carry On

Also known as MCD! It's the seven years of Simon and Baz's rivalry (and eventual romance) from the perspective of an outsider who has absolutely nothing to do with it. After all, it must be fucking wild for Watford students to see this wacky enemy to lovers. Matty Chris D. is the blandest person you'll ever meet, which is also why I am stuck. Go Matt, give us nothing.

Untitled TOTK-inspired Snowbaz fic - Carry On

This was marinating in my brain recently. Not sure I will get back to it soon, but hey, it's on my mind! As the "title" suggests, it's a Tears of the Kingdom inspired Snowbaz fic, which takes place after Wayward Son. The gang is back from America to find floating islands in the sky of the World of Mages. 7 years after their return, and 7 years after Simon went missing, Baz decides to find a way to the sky islands in order to find Simon. I don't wanna brag, but this idea slaps and I should get back to it.

Glee x Sense8 crossover idea - Glee and Sense8

I came up with a Glee x Sense8 crossover years ago and this is also back again on my mind. Just like the SJAEU, it's more of a concept with some overall thoughts than an actual coherent fic. It's back in my 2024 vision because, hey, I posted the SJAEU, I could possible post my Glee x Sense8 AU on AO3, because I think it's pretty cool. And yes, it's a crossover, not an inspired by thing. The Glee part is entirely an AU, but the Sense8 part is post-canon where the BPO has reformed, so that the sensates can figure out their shit in peace. And also, Puck from Sense8 will show up at one point. Two Pucks in one fic (because Puck from Glee is one of the sensates).

Anyway I have many more WIPs, like the Zimbits time travel one, or the Glee x Carry On crossover (begone Klaine and Snowbaz, Blaz OTP!) and UGH so many WIPs. If you wanna send me an ask about any of these WIPs, feel free.

Also, I think @bitbybitwrites already spread this in the Glee world, so let me spread it to the Carry On world by tagging @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @wellbelesbian @martsonmars @larkral @nightimedreamersworld @blackberrysummerblog @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart

[sarcasticslothy]

The following will be a young royals post season two ramble.

It contains ALL of the spoilers. I have put it under tags AND under a cut.

I repeat do not read this if you are going to watch season two of young royals and don't want to be spoiled.

First of all, I loved the season. It was oh so different to season one for many reasons but it's really a kick on the gut kinda season. There's a LOT of pain - by so many characters but particularly Wilhelm who seems to have a shadow of hell following him. The acting was brilliant by all - and I really loved that we got to see some characters that we only got minor parts from in the first season.

For Wilmon fans it'll feel a lot more light on in the more romantic/cute scenes but I the absolute symbolism behind Wille closing the curtains and then us getting to see nothing else after it was actually kind of perfect? Their love was just for them now.

Yes, they both try the moving on thing. Simon with Marcus and Wille with... Felice (I screamed when it happened!) I never felt myself hating Marcus as a characters even though he was in the middle of my favourite couple. He was a 'perfect' kinda guy for Simon but there was just no way he could compete with the history they have.

Just quietly, when Simon told him the fish don't have names? That line actually made me gasp. Bravo.

Now to August who is SUCH a confusing character to me. He switches from someone trying their hardest to be good to absolute dickhead so quickly it gives me whiplash but the way that he can gloss over the feelings of other people can't be ignored. Obviously, number one enemy in regards to doing the video and in the first two episodes we see him kind of accept himself as being Wille's punching bag. And then there are moments where he gets his little smirk on and you know evil is coming and you backtrack every thought you had about him trying to be good. The scene when he gets Alexander to cover for him is just SO widely true to that bad side of him that Sara said it best "you really are clueless"

Sara, Sara, Sara what are you doing giiiiirl?! The whole time she was falling for him, you could see it was the clouded eyes of first love guiding her every decision. I just couldn't believe that it was allowing her to glaze over the fact this guy released a SEX tape of your BROTHER! I hope she gets her revenge and is able to help Simon make something right - next season 🙏

Feline was SUCH a good friend to Wille and the whole female group as a whole were very entertaining and good for a laugh although I feel like she kinda of got forgotten about as a character? We had her quitting riding and the whole storyline of her selling the horse but there was no explanation further, no talking about what she wanted to do and no real solution to why she was quitting riding besides she didn't like it? Was that even it?!

But really, it all comes together in episode 6. SO much happens so quickly. That scene at the gun range?! Wille!! That boy can really fly off the handle. I sometimes struggled to understand Wille's very emotional reactions. His outburst in an early episode (1 or 2?!) Over the phone was definitely something! But I kind of felt him rise to the moment that allowed him to pick up that gun.

But the pièce de résistance of this season and indeed the ending moment is Wille's speech. How satisfying to see him finally choose his OWN way forward. Not Simon's. Not the royal family. Not his mother's. Not August's. You couod say his decision may not totally solve his problems but the absolute satisfaction on his face as he admits it was him and turns to Simon. Aaahhhhhhh. The dual smiles. I just felt so happy for them. So relieved.

Other thoughts:

- Malin, how could you?! How dare you break the snow globe by physically pulling Wille? You just disappeared off every fanfic in the future as the tough, but lovable security guard 😅

- Sara being so damn upfront with August in his room after just kissing him. That's definitely a whole other level of confident

- the whole little grouping of scenes with Wille looking at Simon on his phone, going to the fence with the sunset and water behind him was beautiful.

- I thought I'd find myself hating the queen more for putting her son in this obviously horrible position but I think I found there was a part of her that was clearly upset that she had no way to fix things for her son. No way to give him what he wanted without breaking away from tradition and a royal history that she is clearly responsible for keeping going

- Simon/Ayub/Rosh friendship ruling the damn show. The way they supported Simon and were a sounding board for him at every turn was so lovely! That little scene at the end with Ayub on the phone and them saying goodnight was so freaking sweet.

- "Did he just say he'd renounce the throne for you?!' That whole scene was SCREAM worthy

- The Hug! The I love you! The way that it bookended last season's final scene when Wille said it and reversed it. Yes yes yes! Gos they do closeness so well. The quiet moment of hands touching and skimming their faces against each other. And just breathing like they finally felt at home. Ahhh perfection

- oh Rousseau, I felt devastated when they took you away. Especially with that dickhead dad. Though now, you are owned by August so I don't know which is worse?!

- the school project! Talking to the teacher with the book in mind but the way they spoke about their situation to each other. The way they explained so much of their decisions, the way they felt. Ahhhh. Sara's 'she committed suicide' after was a little bit oh! Well. Right.

- this school is a little bit nuts to me. Don't get me wrong, obviously we are talking crazy money here but my god the events they have and the way they do meals and classes sometimes has me cracking up. Every time they stood when a teacher entered I just thought back to my school days when we barely looked in their direction 😅🤣

- every single fighting Wilmon scene broke my heart. The one in the locker room where Simon admits he might not be able to handle Wille and his position? Euuurrgghh hit me good, angst.

- August on the phone with jan-Olof (lemme hear you say old annoying guy!) When he asks August if he did anything thst wouod cause issue and August did nearly every single one 🤣🤣

Okay, this post is already ridiculous but I needed to express my feelings. I will abuse that repeat button on so many episodes. I really adored 6 - it was so drama full. But 4 was also a really great episode. Please, please give us season 3! Wilmon endgame is coming. I think there is still a crazy good story still there to unroll. I mean Wille's speech and Sara's decision alone require some resolution! Gimme gimme!

[clownfire]

Spoilers ig for the just rolled for pd s2 ep17 (also cw for use of the term qu**r, in reclaimed and academic usage, I self-identify as such and feel comfortable using the term, but I understand why others don’t).

Honestly I’m okay with GhostKnife not being reciprocated. I’ll feel bad in the moment for Will sure, but I know it’ll serve the story the crew want to tell and trust it will be played well. 

Now I’m not saying that I dislike GhostKnife, it’s a compelling pairing with a strong basis in canon, and I reckon the guys could pull it off really well if they decide that’s how they wanna take this subplot. And Will’s crush is canon! William is a canonically bisexual character who gets to progress the plot and have interesting dynamics with other characters, all whilst being queer and all that having nothing to do with his queerness and without it being ignored (I can’t say the same for another William...Duffers). We know that the relationship going to become more story relevant, and will be addressed. The crew aren’t ignoring it for the sake of baiting a potential queer audience like larger studios do, this show is independently run, and funded and consumed by a predominately queer audience 

Similarly, jrwi isn’t your regular show that’s written by a team, who hand scripts off to voice actors who are hired to read a character’s lines; If Condi and/or Slime don’t feel comfortable role-playing that or don’t know where to take the pairing, they don’t have to. I’d rather it not become canon than it be done poorly, ya know? That’s what fanfiction’s for anyways (that just might be my cynicism from being in the IT fandom leaking through tho). 

And honestly I’d be refreshing to see a queer teen pairing not eventuate into a romantic relationship - not because one of them dies or a big dramatic coming out scene that gets rejected - but simply because they’re young adults who still need to figure themselves out, and have the literal weight of the world on their shoulders. Media with lgbtq+ characters are honestly swamped by copious amounts of teen-mlm-slow-burn-pining. The jrwi boys can break the mold if they want to.

This post isn’t meat to disway people from liking the ship, making content for it, or wanting them to get together (I’d be a bloody hypocrite on all three counts if I was), but - even though we’re not as bad as twitter can be - I think the fandom might need a friendly reminder in case GhostKnife doesn’t become canon and a vocal few flip their lid.

TL;DR - GhostKnife is a great pairing but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it does not become endgame, ultimately it’s up to the crew and what they want for their characters, and if you don’t like that then write your own ig.

read the tags btw for more thoughts but ramble-y

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Funny that I say something like ‘to overshare or not overshare’ when I’m going to anyway. Pfft.

So, hell, why not. Rambling MGS4 thoughts below. Though I won’t be using my standard MGS tags, since I want to keep it out of the main tags. This is all mainly nonsense anyway, but I want to eventually put them out there b/c I want to replay this again and Idk. You guys know how allergic I am to shutting up.

TW: Medical, Death, Abuse, SA Mention (Non-Descriptive)

I finished MGS4 in a haze, crying hysterically and bothered to a point I couldn’t even lay my finger on. For a while I let it sit and just didn’t know what, exactly, had bothered me so much.

As the game went on, I noticed vaguely somewhere around maybe the half way mark this was bugging me, but I chalked it up to the sad nature of the game itself, and left it at that. I have no issue with the themes within the game, and you all know how much I embrace bothersome or disturbing content. And if you don’t, well. Now you do. I’m not shy about liking morally questionable content, nor disturbing content.

In any case-that wasn’t the issue.

No, the issue was Snake’s aging. Or, more specifically, the way the game presented it. Of all things.

But-eh, hear me out.

When I was a teenager, my life was hectic. I worked to help my mum pay the bills, but had to quit after an SA that I was blamed for (I was sixteen, and the victim, but I’d apparently asked for it. Whatever, fuck cops anyway). My grandfather was slowly dying from terminal illness, and time not spent at school or helping my mum was taking care of him. He had a variety of illnesses, but one of them, COPD, had him suffering violent coughing fits that he’d black out from. When he used to sit up, he’d cough himself unconscious, and sometimes end up on the floor. I’d call ambulances those days; I wasn’t able to lift him. I knew how to distribute his meds, his masks. All that stuff. I’d be woken up from a dead sleep to him calling my name, or coughing so loud I knew he needed the meds now. Fill the mask, do the tubes, fix the oxygen tank levels. I was very sleep deprived for most of my High School years.

(Only to go to class the next day and have my friends nag me about my slipping grades, askdnsajk) anyway.

I was pretty close to my grandpa. My dads, well anyway. Not worth discussing rn. My grandmother, his wife, died when I was 14.  I was raised by my mum and my grandparents. My grandfather wasn’t even that old during all this-early 60′s, and everyday I just watched him slowly fading away, unable to do ANYTHING to stop the inevitable as he had another coughing fit, another shake, etc.

In any case, he passed when I was 19, and time has it’s natural way of having things get pushed aside, I went through even more upheaval in my early 20′s that lead to a serious mental breakdown around 25-26 that had me admitted to a psyche ward. Eventually I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, Psychosis and PTSD,

Things changed, I got my mental health under control, and life carries on.

And then I played MGS4 this year.

It’s funny, things I’d forgotten all about just crashing to the surface, seeing reflections through a screen like that. How my brain was ticking through watching Snake smoke through his violent coughing fits (Something my grandfather did up until one of his hospitalizations FINALLY got him to quit). The general helplessness Hal has, because there’s NOTHING you can do. Hell these days *I’m* chronically ill but not..terminally ill. I think they did much of Snake’s ageing and decline well, I guess for my brain? Too well.

S’funny, and maybe even kinda dumb. Stuff you don’t even think bothers you anymore, just sort of. Comes too a head.

It’s not like this post has a point. I am capable of controlling my own media intake. And there’s a large part of me that even wants to replay it! I just think it’s..strange how brains work. And how the most random things can be so big when they reflect your life in the most..disconnected and bizarre way.

Or something. Maybe I just wanted this out in the open cos that’s how I function (though some of my friends had heard this before from me).

Brains are weird. Life’s weird. But hey.

[shirogane-oushirou]

8,6,7,5,3, and 9 for whichever f/o you're feeling right now! (for the spicy asks)

i forgot i had that ask game in my queue. screaming crying sobbing. i don't know why this is making me nervous, i'm CONSTANTLY in nsft post tags blabbering on about how i want to give my otter man a brain-melting orgasm to cure him of his Conditions... ;;;

answering these for ren bc he's the one i'm most... in tune with? i COULD answer some spicy asks about some of the others (mars is a good runner-up), but i've never put as much thought into this side of a relationship as i have with ren. SO!!!

whether i ramble on with details nobody needs to know or i just give a-few-words-long answers is up to fate. 🙏🏻 (edit post-writing: ......you wanna guess which option fate went with? 😩 i'm so sorry in advance kjNKJN)

3: Is the sex between you and your f/o usually sensual? Passionate? Animalistic?

more sensual and passionate, if i have to pick among those options.

r!ren's much more passionate from the start, since he isn't forcing himself to play a role and can just be open with his affections. he's the kind of guy to quickly go from a light kiss while we watch something to Full Throttle if he's given the OK kjndfkjn.

doc!ren starts out playful and sensual, and he has more control wrt things like light affection staying light, but as things heat up the mask starts to slip and the passion comes out in him as well.

but, with both rens, we're also very silly. like, he's intentionally being a goof the entire time (see: that one post about an f/o saying "shoot your goo!" when you're about to cum), and if his hands get shaky while he's trying to put on a condom, that isn't gonna ruin the mood... if anything i'd be like, "oh no, he's failing to put the condom on... oooh he's struggling so hard... 💕" and then offer to help with my own shaky hands kjsndkjn. like this is us when something silly happens or we have trouble with something stupid:

5: Do you and your f/o prefer having sex in the dark or with the lights open?

lights on! he wants to be able to see everything... not only in the "i love your body" sense (which is also true), but in the "i want to see every facial reaction so i can figure out what works for you and what doesn't" sense.... whether he's doc!ren or r!ren, he has a mind for study, close examination, and analysis.

and -i- want to see his every reaction bc he's handsome and cute and veeery expressive :3 i wanna see him Fucking Lose It in full hd quality.

6: What was the most embarrassing thing to happen between you and your f/o before, during, and/or after sex?

i can't think of anything in particular that's truly embarrassing tbh. i think there are also things that both of us could feel embarrassed about individually that the other would find endearing, but i don't really count that... :/

idk, it just isn't something i've put much thought into in spite of the fact that something would inevitably happen at some point!

7: Any favourite positions?

nothing too creative! we both enjoy missionary, cowgirl, pretzel dip, and reverse spooning, and he in particular loves giving and receiving oral so face sitting + kneeling at the edge of the bed... really anything that's face-to-face and as close as possible.

and if i'm not up for anything on my end, i'm usually more than happy for us to sit or lie next to each other while i help get him off (often a good chance for some fun power play, teasing, etc) or give him JOI if i'm not up for anything physical at all (ALSO a good chance for power play and teasing lol). he understands that we have VASTLY different "batteries", so even if i'm just sitting next to him while he takes care of things himself, to him that just means we're sitting close and spending time together, yippee~!!

8: Any favourite places (ex. bedroom, kitchen, on a desk, against the wall  etc)?

honestly, if it were up to him, i think he'd be up for just about anywhere, and in my wildest dreams i'd also be up for more creative use of space... but because of my pain and health issues, the best places are the bed and sofa ;;; kissing elsewhere for a bit would be okay, but once things really start to get going we need to get somewhere soft and cushioned lmao.

9: Any kinks and/or fetishes?

OKAYYYY. the Big Question. so. i imagine us, when we start discussing the possibility of sex, sharing our most searched "tags" as a starting point to see what we have in common, figure out if one of us is squicked by one of the other's kinks and need to avoid it, etc. the most relevant kinks are:

femdom (no shit lol, we VERY quickly figure out we're a perfectly matched sub top and dom bottom/service dom)

light bondage (nothing too intense, just a "hands tied to the bedposts, blindfold over the eyes" every now and again kind of deal)

edging (gotta make my boy sooooo desperate~)

body worship (self explanatory)

scent (i can't decide if ren's like... a scent guy or a MY PERSON'S SCENT guy... but he loves to bury his head in my hair and neck, especially if we're doing our ro's-battery-is-empty sessions and he just wants to lean into me.)

sound (to complement his scent Thing i guess ksjdkjn voices are a huge things for me, and i think moaning is super cute, and uh. welp...!! he's good at it!!)

i'm not gonna lie, i think it'd be hot as fuck to fuck doc!ren in gloves and his labcoat KJNJLJNKSJM i have a thing for hands and labcoats so the double whammy would knock me out cold.

aaand i simply enjoy seeing my lovely boyfriend blissed the fuck out ^^ my cocktail of being ace, what i can feel, how often i feel it, etc. is a little fucked, but even when everything is at its lowest possible levels, i'd still get some indescribable Thing out of helping push ren to his limits, watching him completely lose it, and enjoying as he comes down from the high. it'd make me feel good to see him feel good, even if the source of that good feeling is different for both of us. 💕

[red-riding-wood]

Back from Hiatus

Trigger warning? I think? Brief mentions of medical stuff, nothing graphic. Oh, and death (but none occurred).

TLDR if you don't want to read seven paragraphs: Physical health bad, mental health bad, now hospitalised, fucked up when transferring my story files, hospital bad, home soon?, regardless you will be seeing me back in your feed probably more than you'd like

Rambling below cut

So, about a month ago I had to take a step back from Tumblr... and then an even bigger step back from Tumblr, because I had taken a step back from writing and I found that I just pressured myself too much to write and post when I did use the app. (I did my best to save your guys' stories in my drafts to read later but... I may have missed some and I definitely have some catching up to do.)

Why did I take a hiatus from writing? Well, that was due to my physical health declining in a real bad way. I won't get into it too much here, because I would end up telling a dramatic yet probably honestly boring story of the last four years of my life, but I'm willing to answer any questions if anyone's curious.

Anyway, that sent my head into a state of just utter... fear, I suppose. It's very difficult to care or focus on anything else when death is literally on your mind, and I was also in this weird state of limbo because I wasn't sure if I would be going to hospital or dying or what... so I didn't write, or really do anything except try to take care of myself the best I could. And I pretty much just isolated.

I've been in hospital a couple days now. The fear of death has lessened, and I think I'm gonna be okay, though I'm straight up not having a good time. I had this idea that what would get me through it was writing, so I sent myself all of my docs for my WIPs. Thing is, I keep shortcuts to them on my desktop, and apparently they don't save changes to the root file?? A lesson I learned after I showed up and found that massive chunks of my writing, notes, and storyboards were missing. Yeah, I fucked up.

But now there is talk of outpatient care as soon as this Friday which means I can maybe go home with my TPN (feeding through a vein tube which is the best way I can describe it since I am not a medical professional; it's basically a hardcore IV and I assure you it's badass and exactly like Cyberpunk 2077 -- that was sarcasm but seriously, props to anyone who lives with these because these are terrifying). If that's the case, I'll be able to carry on with White Ribbon and the fics I had started for Darjeeling and Budapest, and it will probably be a lot easier for me to write in general. I haven't tried writing yet, but hospital is a really uncomfortable environment for me (I mean, I'm sure it is for most people but I have a lovely lifetime dose of trauma on top of the usual) and I'm not managing as well as I thought I would so I have my doubts on how well I will be able to focus. (Don't worry about requests, guys... I haven't forgotten about any of them and I still fully intend to fulfill them, even if it means writing your smutty fantasies in hospital.)

If that's not the case, and I'm stuck here until surgery, well, I am willing it into the damn universe that I'm gonna write again regardless. So if you don't see me post something in the next week you have my blessing to send copious amounts of hate mail.

Thank you for reading my long-winded explanation. Oh, and, don't hesitate to message/reach out or tag me in anything! I'm feeling more social again now that I'm not, you know, dying and stuff.