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foxes-that-run · 11 months

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Maroon

Maroon is looking back on her relationship with Harry in a linear way. It was the surprise song 26 May, 2023, the first show after 20 May.

'Red'...

Taylor wrote 10 of the final 30 Red TV tracks after Harry entered the chat in March. @taylor-on-your-dash has this Making of Red post which shows it was complete 4 months after they met, it's release was 7 months after 'The Very First Night'.

It is wild to me that people say Red can't be Haylor but 1989 was inspired by a '3 month relationship', yet Reputation is about Joe, who she started dating 5 months before it's release, Rep was mostly done by then. Rep's vault tracks will surprise some more than 1989's did!

All this is to say, we know Maroon is Haylor because it is not filled with All Too Well rage and the title references Red. The Lyric Video also includes a pink/maroon sunset, which similar to sunsets referenced in Cruel Summer, INTHAF and Slut!

Lyrics

When the morning came we were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf 'Cause we lost track of time again Laughing with my feet in your lap Like you were my closest friend "How'd we end up on the floor anyway?" You say "Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how" I see you every day now

The first verse remembers the start

Harry's unreleased track, Hunger, is similar in meaning to Maroon. It opens with a similar line "Candles burned down to the floor." New Years Day also includes Candle wax on the hardwood floors.' Finally, Taylor included the incense in the lyric and music videos for Lavender Haze.

The first verse is very 1989 feeling, they sound young, hanging out and enjoying each others company. The room mate is most likely Ben Winston, he stayed with Ben while dating Taylor and renovating his current house. some of the This is Us Harry scenes were shot there.

And I chose you The one I was dancin' with In New York, no shoes Looked up at the sky and it was

Harry and Taylor danced with no shoes in New York after 1D's first Madison Square Garden performance 4 December 2012. Taylor is looking up to the sky in the photo of Harry lifting her.

Harry also mentioned barefeet in the leaked Trouble "And we could take this anywhere / Cause were we’re going / We don’t need no shoes" Trouble was leaked 20 April 22, 6 months before Midnights.

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

This verse remembers a passionate fight, like the album Red Taylor described the emotions from that period as red, and later on Lover as Golden. The wine stained dress or shirt here is also in:

Olivia “This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love”

Clean “you're still all over me like a wine stained dress i can't wear anymore"

Blood rushing to cheeks is blushing, in Gold Rush Taylor also referenced this "I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush"

The mark on Taylors collarbone may be the possible hickey here, from the night before she left the Virgin isles.

Rust growing between telephones indicates they stopped calling, Harry also references this in From the Dining Table “Even my phone misses your call, by the way”

When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends? You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us I feel you no matter what The rubies that I gave up

This verse is the aftermath of the fight in the one before, with apology flowers, not talking and paying for it.

Harry cries with his head in his hands

Now that we don't talk and Afterglow "I lived like an island, punished you in silence" also refer to silence/not speaking

'The rubies I gave up' to me is treasure, rubies being the red theme. To me this is in the Pay for it' Haylor theme, however Taylor has referred to her friends as Junior Jewels in YBTM, she may have she lost friends in the break up.

Standin Hollow-eyed in the Hallway refers to the Hallway theme

The carnations not roses means they were plagued by things going wrong. Harry referenced the Carnations in the Satellite MV:

And I wake with your memory over me That's a real fucking legacy, legacy (it was maroon)x2

The outtro is after some time has passed, she wakes from an adult dream remembering her lost muse. Taylor and Harry have a surprising number of songs about this:

Wildest Dreams (Even if it's just in your wildest dreams, ah-ah, ha (ha-ah, ha) / Wildest dreams, ah-ah, ha / You'll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night

Ready for it...? In the middle of the night, in my dreams (my dreams) You should see the things we do (we do), baby (baby, mmm, eh)

Little Freak - "You bring blue lights to dreams" and "A wet dream just dangling"

Cruel Summer "Fever dream high in the quiet of the night / You know that I caught it"

#midnights #haylor #song analysis #Lyric analysis #taylor swift #Maroon #Carnations you thought were roses

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missmielyhoran · 2 years

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How my Harry's would spend their New Year's Eve

[Warning- Smut (small bit), kissing and just shit ton of fluff which idk how I wrote]

*****

Dbf!Gangleader!Harry

It was 5 minutes before the midnight, and Harry was nowhere to be seen. Beforehand, it was planned by both of them that they would sneak to the balcony of her room to kiss at midnight and watch fireworks, but now, as you roamed around your house, you couldn't find him.

You were waling past library when someone pulled you inside. You were ready to scream when their hand covered your mouth and all came out is a whimper. Then the light turned on and you saw the pair of familiar green eyes.

You removed his hand from your mouth and hit him on his bicep, making him laugh. You pouted while Harry pulled you close by your waist.

"You scared me" You whispered. "I'm sorry" he said snuggling into you more. If any of his men saw him like this they would be shocked. The most feared men and their boss snuggling and purring into an embrace of woman like a cat but he didn't care. You were his owner.

Soon enough people outside in the garden and on terrace who were invited to the party started the count down.

7..

6..

Harry pulled you close if it was even possible.

5..

4..

You brought your hands up to his cheeks and drew soothing circles on them. It was just you and him there and no one else.

3..

2..

1..

Harry leaned down and kissed you. Putting in all the passion he could. Your lips moved against his, and he tilted your head down to deepen it. The sound of fireworks going outside covered their whimperes.

He finally pulled apart to breath. Harry brought his forehead down to yours and closed his eyes to remember the moment for whole eternity.

"Happy new year darling"

"Happy new year H"

*****

Fuckboy!Harry

When Harry suggested the idea, you thought it was dumb but it doesn't hurt to try it, does it?

The incredible idea he had was to get both of you come at midnight. Rather than midnight kiss, which, according to him, was boring, he wanted a midnight orgasm.

Now, 30 seconds left to midnight, and you were close but not enough to come. The watch beside his bed on nightstand showed the passing second, and it wasn't enough.

"Fucking hell woman why can't you come today?" Harry groaned and you knew he was close.

"Maybe cause I know that I have to." You chuckled, which was cut off by a moan when Harry gave you a hard thrust.

"Fucking brat" He murmured and pulled out of you. Before you could protest he pushed you on your stomach and raised your hips up. He started pounding into you with no remorse making you scream.

The countdown started outside in the garden of Harry's frat house where the party was going on.

10...

9..

"Harry, I'm close. Please don't stop," you cried out. You were clenching around Harry like crazy and he had to think about the old woman down the street to not come right at that point.

"Wasn't planning on it" He muttered.

8..

Harry slid his hand down in front of you and started making tight and fast circles on your clit.

7..

6..

You were going frenzy, and so was Harry. The count down drowned out by both of your moans and sound of skin slapping.

5..

4..

3..

Harry kept rubbing your clit and you were about to come. He pinched your clit and that tipped you over the edge and your orgasm ran through your body like a firework.

2..

1..

The sound of the alarm was like a signal as you came around Harry, and he inside you. Harry fell over you like a limp body after.

People outisde cheered probably kissing their dates or partners while you just got life fucked out of you.

"Happy new year blue" Harry said, pushing his head into your mess of hair while his dick was still inside you.

"Happy new year Harry"

*****

Youtuber!Harry

(Many years later than the events of Baby Honey)

Surrounded by friends and family, you were sitting on the terrace. Harry, beside you, watching the countdown.

Rohan was their with his son and his new girlfriend. Your sister was with her husband, gemma was with her boyfriend and Anne with hers.

10...

Harry stood up from beside you and pulled you up with him. Your belly was getting huge, making it harder to move around. At first, you wanted to go he ball drop at the time square, but it would have been too crowded and unsafe, so Harry booked a hotel from where you could watch it.

9...

He pushed the hair back from your face and smiled and brought his hand down to your belly, rubbing it.

"I love you so much" He whispered.

8...

He looked behind over your shoulder and gave a nod, making you look over to see your sister filming with your vlog camera.

You turned back around to face Harry only to find him down on his one knee. Everyone around you was looking at you both with smile and tears.

"I will keep it short cause we are in a bit of time crunch." Harry laughed, "Y/N, you are my best friend, my girlfriend and now mother of my child." Harry started.

6...

You were crying while your hands covered your mouth in shock. "When I saw you first time even though I was with someone else, I knew you were special. I made many mistakes, been a dumbass. Made you and me both wait to have something we could have had way earlier, but for this, I couldn't wait." Harry spoke the fastest you have heard.

5...

You turned to your sister who was now beside you. "You let me do this in joggers?" You cried.

"I'm sorry" She also cried.

4...

"Miss Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?" Harry finally asked and nodded the fastest you could.

"Yes yes" You cried, "Omg yes"

3...

Harry pushed the ring into your finger and stood up, pulling you into him.

2..

He brought his hand around your cheek and leaned down.

1..

He kissed you soflty tasting your salty tears mixed with his own.

"Happy new year Honey"

"Happy new year indeed"

*****

90sRockstar!Harry

Harry was had just gave the performance of his life on the ball drop. His chest was heaving with deep breath, body sweaty from running around and adrenaline even in cold.

The countdown was about to end when Harry's eyes searched for yours. He found you standing very first like always being his biggest supporter.

He walked over to where you were and leaned down from the stage. You thought he was leaning down to hug you or kiss you but he held onto your shoulder and yanked you up on the stage like you weight nothing.

The whole croud cheered seeing that. Harry just smirked bathing in the attention.

All the boys were putting off their instruments, Mitch already down the stage beside Sarah. While Niall and Louis was chatting up some fan to kiss at midnight.

"Hi" You laughed bringing your arms around his neck. You didn't care thousands of people watching or that it would practically be on the newspaper tomorrow, you just saw him and you there.

"Hi angel" He brought his nose to your flicking it.

"The ball is about to drop" You whispered.

"I know" He replied with same hushed tone.

Soon enough the count down ended and the ball dropped. Everyone was kissing someone and you were kissing your husband, high up on stage in front of thousands.

"Happy New Year"

"Happy New Year Angel"

*****

Taglist- @harryspirate

I'm so fucking lonely. I also wanted to make out with someone at midnight, but all I did was watch AHS.

Send me requests or just talk to me here♡

I'm writing strike pt 2. I have said before I'm shit with consistency, sorry

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lexusiswriting · 6 months

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A love you deserve (Ricky Olson) - Part 13 of ?

Hi guys!

I know it's been a long time and I'm sorry for that. :( Hope you'll like this part. <3

Warnings: none.

Tags: @multifandomcrackhead, @nicelittlenightmares, @roll-tide-babe89, @skulliecadaver-blog, @21-century-tae, @melissa-anderson, @abiomens, @w743, @insanitywulf, @awkwardalex, @philomenie, @kaite1996, @coc41nn, @xxsparklezzzxx, @shilohrosechicken

Requests: OPEN.

_________________________________

Ricky’s point of view

We had to stay for 4 more hours to work on the song. It was still not done, but we made some changes to it. In the meantime, Lexus told Chris that she was not feeling well and she would go home. Of course, it was a lie, and he knew it had something to do with me. But surprisingly, he did not say anything to me.

While I was driving home, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There must be something I can do to make her trust me again. At the same time, I hated myself for being another burden on her mind, next to her ex-husband. He did her so wrong, and I hoped I would never see him again because I knew I would regret later what I would do to him.

Suddenly, I took the right exit instead of the left one. My brain made me choose the road to her home instead of mine. I decided that it may be a sign, something I need to do right now, or I’ll never get another chance. 6 years have already passed and I couldn’t wait any longer.

I parked my car and went to the door. For a couple of minutes, I contemplated if I should do it or if it was better to leave. Again, my unconscious moved my hand and knocked on the door. After a couple more minutes, which felt like hours, Lexus was in front of me.

“Ricky, what are you doing here? I thought I made myself very clear when I told you to leave me alone.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for that. But I really can’t get you out of my head and my heart. The only thing I am asking is for one more chance to make things clear. After I will explain everything, if you don’t want to have anything to do with me, I promise I will step back.”

She looked at me dead in the eyes and a tired sigh left her lips. Still thinking that it may be wrong, she moved a little so she could let me enter.

“We can talk in the living room, my daughter is with her father. Start explaining.”

“I don’t know how many times I can say it, but I’m really sorry for everything. From the moment we met, I only brought sadness into your life. Now I’m sure, more than ever, that the only thing I want in this life is you.”

“This is not easy at all, Ricky. You can’t expect me to forgive you just like that, jump into your arms, and pretend nothing ever happened.”

“Of course, I know that. But we can take things slowly. Then you’ll see I’m not the man I used to be. You can trust me.”

“How slow do you think would be best?”

“Well, I can assure you, nothing intimate would happen. Not even holding hands if you don’t feel comfortable doing it. We can be friends first. Having dinners together, watching a movie or just talking when we need to get something out of our chest.”

“What if it will make things worse?”

“It can never happen. We can try and when we feel things are going in the wrong direction we can stop. But at least we will know that we tried.”

Lexus stood up from the couch and walked around the room. While she was thinking of an answer, I was feeling like I could faint at any moment. There she was, the woman of my life, deciding our future.

“I guess we can try.”

All I wanted at that moment was to take her in my arms and kiss her with all the passion I had in me. But remembering what we agreed on, I just smiled, knowing this was a win as well. Now I had the opportunity to show her how much she means to me.

After 6 months

Lexus’s point of view

Motionless In White released their album “Scoring the End of the World” and it was a huge success. Their fans loved it so much, the songs did so great on the charts, and I couldn’t be any much happier for them. Now they had to prepare for the world tour, which will start in about 2 months.

At the same time, Ricky and I got to be the most talked about topic. A lot of pictures were released with us from what we thought was going to be a private moment. The speculations started right away, all of them saying that we got back together, which was not the case. There were some not-so-nice ones as well when people would say that I divorced Corey just to be with Ricky, not thinking of my daughter’s feelings. After a few of those, I stopped reading the news when they popped on my phone.

Apart from these things, I was having a really great time with Ricky. We started to get to know each other for a second time, discovering how much we changed through the years. He kept his promise and never tried anything without my consent and after 6 months of being friends, we only got to hold hands. I appreciated how he never complained about it and forced me to do something I would not want.

Even though there was not much happening romantically between us, I took him home to meet my daughter. Corey was not happy about it, especially thinking that Ricky could become one day her stepfather. Regardless of that, my daughter liked him from the beginning. She would show him all of her favourite toys and make him play with her, which was the sweetest thing I ever saw. I knew that in my final decision, I had to include her as well, and I was glad to see how well they got along.

Tonight we decided to have dinner at my place. While we were preparing the food, Blaire was upstairs in her room. The tour will start in 2 months and I knew I wanted to make things straight before he would be gone for 7 months. I knew I would never have this good of an opportunity any time soon, and I wanted to get it out of my chest.

#ricky olson x reader #ricky olson fanfic #ricky horror imagine #ricky olson #ricky horror #justin morrow #miw #motionless in white fanfic #ryan sitkowski #vinny mauro #chris motionless #motionless in white

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christmascheeseballs · 2 months

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Till Death Do Us Part – An Arthur Morgan x OC Story *PART TWO*

Content Warnings – Kidnapping, Death Threats, Micah Bell, Trauma, Angst, Character Deaths, Eventual Happy Ending (not in this part), Reference to torture, reference to sexual assault, not described, one brief mention of both

Word Count – 1.7k

Part One - 1.3k words (17th July 2024)

Part Two - 1.7k words (17th July 2024)

Part Three - 1.2k words (19th July 2024)

Authors Note – I’m so sorry for the confusion of Bonnie the horse and Bonnie MacFarlane in this – my horse irl is a Belgian draft, and I thought it would be cute to put her in this but it just ended up confusing lmao

-x-

7 years later

February 16th, 1907

I found this old journal today while looking through my Arthur’s things. Me and Bea moved into our new home about 6 months ago now, and I finally had the chance to sit and go through all of our old belongings. I found Arthur’s journal, and after spending a few days crying over his sweet notes, all his loving words about me etched delicately with his careful script, I decided to start sharing my own thoughts. Share my problems to someone other than Bea or Bonnie.

We now live on a ranch, west of Blackwater. God it feels strange to be back in this area again. After leaving Abigail and the others in Oregon all those years ago (I miss them all so much), myself and Darcy, my sweet girl, headed across the country to find somewhere safe to have my baby. We settled in North California, just on the border. While the busier state was helpful for delivering my baby, my country soul could not cope and we soon continued south. Hopping from place to place, we have finally found a home. Its been a lonely few years, and I haven’t seen Abigail or any of the others since those fateful days. As far as John and the others know, I either ran away or died out on the trails. It breaks my heart to break theirs, but needs must.

As I said, we now live on a ranch west of Blackwater - MacFarlane’s Ranch. While Bea is cared for my some of the local ladies, who enjoy teaching her to read and write, I spend my days in the corral, training the horses that the owners of the ranch bring in. I can still remember the days when my Arthur first taught me to ride, all those years ago. And now here I am, teaching horses how to take care of their riders, teaching young fillies and colts all the groundwork to set them up for life. I’m quite a horsewoman nowadays!

Speaking of horses; my sweet Darcy was retired 2 years ago now, and I have managed to organise for her to have her own paddock on the ranch to live out her days. I know that retiring a horse ain’t all that common round here, but Miss MacFarlane seemed to have a soft spot for my sweet mare. My heart genuinely aches when I bring her in from her paddock to check her over, and my sweet Bea runs over to see her, clamouring to ride. I allow her to sit on her while I walk back to the field, but that is all. She has the passion for horses that her daddy had, and that I’ve tried to continue for him.

My new horse is a stunning and versatile red roan Belgian Draft mare named Bonnie - I purchased her from a fellow in Montana at the same time as retiring Darcy, so I can promise that her having the same name as Miss MacFarlane is pure coincidence! Bonnie (the horse, that is) is such a perfect mare for my little family - she can drive us to the local town with the wagon, and also allow me to use her to ride, and even teach Bea to ride! I thought I’d struggle finding a horse as perfect as Darcy, but Bonnie sure ain’t that far off. Although, have a horse as stocky as a draft horse after years of riding a fine thoroughbred is definitely a difference!

I truly hope we can find happiness here.

Florence Morgan

-x-

On the 25th May, 1900, Beatrice Abigail Morgan was born in the state of California, to Mrs Florence Morgan. And now, at nearly 7 years old, the two of you had settled down into the ranching lifestyle, with Bea finally given the chance to go to a proper school and learn to read and write.

Whilst life hadn’t been kind to the either of you over the past few years, you truly felt you’d found a place you could finally settle in. MacFarlane’s Ranch was a simple but efficient farm, with a well established cattle and equine business. While the men handled the cattle, a position had opened up in the training and husbandry of the horses; when you saw the role in the papers, you had nearly screamed. Especially when you saw the gleaming words “house available for successful applicant”. It was practically made for you.

Now, your days consisted of waking up early; avoiding waking up Bea; feeding all the horses in the stables; sneaking back home; giving Bea her breakfast and sending her off to school with Mrs Nelson across the road; backing, exercising, and being thrown off countless different horses; ideally selling a couple to clients; before collecting Bea and preparing dinner before bed.

A simple enough life, but busy enough to keep your mind free from the ghosts of your past.

Free until nightfall, that is. That is when your mind filled with panic, dread, and guilt. Guilt for your husband, being left alone all those years ago to die to the hands of Micah Bell. You never got to visit his grave - as far as you know, he never got one. Dread and panic at the sickening gut feeling you had in the base of your stomach that something would happen; and soon. Years of running and fighting finally catching up with you.

-x-

You were used to waking up in a cold sweat, but tonight was different, your fears felt more daunting, more real – you awoke, gasping from the night terrors that plagued you, trying to steady your breathes and keep Bea asleep, her small body in the room next to yours. As your panicked gasps subsided, you swung your legs out of your cot, a daunting weight sitting heavily on your shoulders. As your eyes adjust to the darkness in your room, you glance at the clock. Despite feeling like you had been trying to fall into a sleep for hours, it was barely 1am.

A deep sigh left you as you stood, taking yourself into your small kitchen to pour yourself a mug of water. Standing at the window, you glance outside towards the corral, a small smile etching itself onto your face when you spot Bonnie led down, fast asleep. You envied her.

Looking past the corral, you spotted a group of pale, flickering lights – lanterns, you thought – moving swiftly towards the ranch. This wouldn’t be the first time bandits attacked the ranch, and would likely not be the last. You sigh, this must've been the gut feeling you had minutes before. Before the lights could get any closer, you grabbed your coat, covering your chemise, and shoved your feet into your boots. You picked up your Lancaster Repeater, the one Arthur used and lovingly cared for until passing it onto you, and dashed towards the MacFarlane’s farm house.

Hammering on the door, adrenaline rushed through your veins as you waited for the family to wake up. A shadowed figure appeared in the doorway of the farm house. “Florence? What’s goi-”, she stopped, realisation spreading across her face as she spotted the threat approaching the ranch. She grasped her rifle by the door, a serious expression setting in her face.

A fight was on your hands

-x-

The attackers had shocked you, at first. Whilst there were various casualties, they had not come in guns blazing, seemingly searching for something rather than being out for the kill. Their masked faces surveyed the area, before one man – which hauntingly familiar eyes - stopped on your figure, hidden slightly behind a cart in front of the corral. He stopped, and stared, before nodding at something behind you.

Next thing you knew, a pair of greasy hands wrapped themselves around you, one of them covering your mouth, the stench filling your nostrils, the other bringing a knife to your throat. Bonnie gave you a panic stricken look, her eyes darting over to your homestead. Big mistake. The man holding you spotted this look, and chucked – a sneer that you’d never thought you’d have the displeasure of hearing again.

“Go get her brat, Dutch.”

2 months later

As if life hadn’t been hard on you already for as long as you could remember, the past few weeks were just the cherry on top. After being kidnapped by Micah Bell, you were beaten, tortured, and taken advantage of on an almost daily basis. Fed the bare minimum to survive. As much as your blood boiled with anger when you saw the face of Dutch Van Der Linde, you had to thank him. He was able to keep Micah and his men away from Bea, a soft look appearing in his eyes whenever he laid eyes on her.

Although you hoped that you could sense the guilt when he glanced at you, he couldn’t bring himself to keep them away from you as well.

When you first realised it was Dutch seemingly orchestrating the attack on MacFarlane’s Ranch, you saw red – but could do nothing about it. Micah pressed the blade closer to the skin of your neck, breaking through the first few layers as you hissed in pain under his hand. Dutch turned towards your house, coming back out minutes later with a trembling Beatrice Morgan. But he looked pained.

Now, after being captured and tortured for the past few months, you knew that Dutch was as trapped as you were. Whilst you held no true sympathy for him, you knew that he did not take a part of your capture willingly.

As the days went on, you slowly begun shutting down, loosing any hope of rescue. You knew that Bonnie and her father, the sweet family that they were, would’ve tried to find you at first, but you also knew it was a helpless task. After taking you from the ranch, the group had travelled west, settling in western Texas for a few weeks. They had then moved east again, back towards New Hanover – but for some unknown reason decided to settle in the mountains of Ambarino.

Heavy snow and biting cold plagued you every day, as you clutched onto Bea, giving her the scraps of any food you were scarcely given, trying to have her eat as much as she could. Even Dutch sneaked her a few thinning blankets on one particularly frigid night. You were at a true loss of what could be done. Until one fateful morning, a gravely, and scarily familiar voice rang out from the mountains outside.

“Micah, if you’re in here, come out”

-x-

Thanks for reading, please like, comment and reblog <3

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #Arthur Morgan #dad! Arthur Morgan #dad!Arthur Morgan #rdr2 x oc #rdr2 daughter #Arthur Morgan daughter

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can-i-get-a-yippee · 5 months

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I like to think of Shannon lives AUs bc she deserved better and I think it could’ve had some great storylines that paralleled/contrasted to Athena and Michael’s divorce storyline.

Like, imagine her and Eddie divorcing and her finding a new partner.

Because Shannon and Eddie loved each other but they were both too passionate, too hot tempered, too stubborn—too alike.

They burned bright together, but they also burned hot. It’s not a sustainable relationship, especially when Chris is involved.

So they divorce, and they co-parent, and it’s fine. It’s not ideal, not by a long shot, but it’s fine — good even. Shannon gets an apartment 20 minutes from Eddie, and a temp job at some finance firm downtown. Eddie still has Chris most of the time, but Shannon negotiated him up to her getting Chris while he works shifts and every second weekend of the month with Carla helping fill in some gaps. He doesn’t love being separated from his son, but he would be lying if he said it isn’t nice to do adult activities with Buck and his 118 coworkers on the weekends Shannon has custody. (Though Buck gripes that he misses getting to see Christopher every weekend, and Eddie can’t help but agree) He and Shannon still argue, bicker, about everything from pick-up schedules to parent teacher conferences. After all, being divorced doesn’t fix their communication issues, but Chris seems happy, and they’re leagues better than when they were married.

Until Shannon announces she met someone.

Well, met isn’t the most accurate word because when she tells Eddie on the front steps of his house after her weekend with Chris, she admits they’ve been seeing each other for almost 4 months.

His name is Jack. He’s a salary man— a financial analyst at some firm that Eddie doesn’t care to remember the name of— and Shannon accidentally spilled a cup of coffee on him when she ran into him at the coffee shop beside her office. He was kind and gracious and offered to buy her a new cup, despite it not being his error. She hadn’t wanted it to happen, hadn’t been looking for it, but something between them had just clicked. It’s going on 4 months and she wants to introduce Chris to him soon, but only if Eddie approves.

She and Eddie might be divorced, but she is determined to make this co-parent thing work, and if he says no, she’ll respect his decision and not bring it up again.

And Eddie, he wants to be angry. He can feel the venom boiling in his throat before she even finishes her sentence. She had divorced him. She had said that she wanted to focus on being a mother and not a wife. He wanted to make it work, and she had given up. Now, barely a year later, she’s asking him to introduce their son to her new boyfriend?

It’s an ugly and unfair feeling that he swallows down when he strains out, “Let me think about it.”

And he tries to ignore the hole in his chest when Shannon gives an apology as her goodbye.

He complains the next day to his coworkers with a mixed response. Bobby tries to offer insight based on his relationship with Athena’s kids and Michael, and Hen and Chimney chime in with their own opinions and personal anecdotes. However, it’s when he’s complaining to Buck in the locker room that he feels his stomach twist

“I just didn’t expect her to move on that fast,” Eddie repeats the sentiment that he had been repeating all shift as he slams the locker door. “We’ve barely been divorced for a year, and she’s already wanting to introduce this guy to our kid? Everything online says to wait at least 6 months, but she’s over here doing it at four months. And she wants me to agree to it, says she won’t introduce him if I’m not ready, making me look like the bad guy if I say no.”

He huffs and turns to look at Buck who has been attentively listening from the bench.

“Eddie,” Buck says it slowly. He’s giving Eddie that earnest, doe-eyed look that he gives when he’s about to say something that he knows Eddie doesn’t like. “Not that I don’t agree with you about Chris here because four months does seem a little early, but it doesn’t feel like that’s what you’re mad at her for.”

Eddie turns away then, unwilling to hold Buck’s stare any longer. The truth is stuck in his throat, and Buck has a way of making it spill out of him.

Because the truth is, Buck is right. He’s irritated about how early in the relationship Shannon wants to introduce their kid to this new guy, but he’s angry that she’s making things change, that she’s moving on from them.

Sure, their relationship wasn’t the best. They had been forced to speed their relationship up from its natural progression when Shannon got pregnant. He’s not even sure if they would’ve lasted the year had it not happened, but then it did and then they were married and then there was army and the fighting and the leaving.

But despite everything, they had always been tied to one another.

And now, she was moving on, building a new life, and Eddie was stuck in place, mourning a life that he never had in the first place.

And what if she wants everything to change? What if she wants to get actually serious with this guy? What if she wants to take Chris more than just every second weekend and try to build a family with him without at all the baggage Eddie had brought? What if this other guy comes in marries his (ex)wife and tries to take his kid and shatters the house of cards Eddie had assembled here?

God, his parents already tried to take Chris. If Shannon tries, he’ll —

“Hey, Eddie, you okay, man?” Buck had stood up and moved beside him. He’s look at him with that stupidly earnest and open expression on his face, and his hand stutters at his side, like it wants to reach out and touch him (and a part of Eddie wishes it would). “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just— you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face. “It’s just— Shannon, we’re just getting a handle on the divorce co-parent thing, and we’re getting okay at it, and now she wants to change everything. We’re finally at a semi stable place, and now she wants to throw a wrench in it because of some guy she just met.”

Buck is quiet for a moment before he questions carefully, “Did you …expect that she would never date again?”

“No!” The response comes too quickly, and then he sighs. “Yes… I don’t know. I just thought we were at a good place, and doing this coparenting thing right, and now she wants to add this new guy into the equation. She wants it to change. “

The ‘I don’t want it to change’ goes unspoken.

Because things are going good right now.

Eddie loves his job. He loves his team.

He and Buck spend almost every moment outside of work together, grabbing beers when Chris is away and going to the zoo when he’s not. Dinners at Bobby and Athena’s are common and so are play dates at Hen and Karen’s. Chris loves Denny and Harry, and Eddie loves that he has a support system here.

Chris is the happiest Eddie’s ever seen him. He’s getting good grades and making friends. His teachers gush about how happy he is— telling Eddie about all Chris’ stories about what he does when he visits his mom or the weekend adventures with Buck. He’s thriving for a kid whose parents just got divorced.

And Eddie’s communication is the best it’s ever been with Shannon. When you take the sex and the relationship baggage, they make a good co-parenting team. Not perfect, not by any means, but they both love their son and centering him seems to have made them more agreeable.

If his life could stay like this, he wouldn’t complain. He doesn’t need anything else, anyone else. He’s happy.

And Shannon wants to mess that all up by starting a relationship that she made clear she didn’t want with Eddie.

“Hey, no matter what happens with Shannon, you know you’re the best father Chris could ask for. Shannon dating this new guy, it doesn’t take that away,” Buck says it with a grin and knocks their shoulders together. “And it’s not like you’re alone in this. Everyone here has your back. I’ve got your back.”

And Eddie— Eddie can’t help but grin at that as he knocks his shoulder back against Buck’s. “Does that mean you’re still down for dinner tonight? I told Chris we could order pizza since we’re getting home late.”

“Only if I get to pick the place,” Buck responds easily as he slings his bag over his shoulder. “The last plan you ordered from skimped on the cheese.”

It’s hard not to think, as they walk out chatting about weekend plans and Chris’ science project, that maybe there’s one thing he wouldn’t mind staying the same forever.

#this was supposed to be like 100 words but I got carried away #maybe I’ll write this fic if I ever finish my other fics for other fandoms lmaooo #but I just really would’ve liked to see divorced Shannon and Eddie making it work #with Buck coparenting with Eddie and neither of them realizing it acknowledging it #911 #slight Buddie #everything I write has slight Buddie if it’s 911 related tho lmaooo #Shannon Díaz #Eddie Díaz #evan buck buckley #buckley diaz family #911 abc

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a-silent-symphony · 2 years

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We got Nightwish's Tuomas Holopainen to rank every single album by the band from worst to best

We asked Nightwish founder Tuomas Holopainen to rank the band's albums from worst to best - and some of his choices surprised us

From fantastical realms to elaborate filmic sagas and love-letters to Darwinism, the Nightwish discography is rich in intrigue – and low on dullmoments. As its central creator, Tuomas Holopainen is inextricably bound to the sounds, feelings and memories that saturate each of these nine albums.

His life is in this music. But if it came to it, in a castaway situation, which albums would he most (and least) want to be stuck with? It’s a tough call. “They are my children,” he pleads, “how would they feel if they saw the ranking? Wishmaster would be so sad!” Still, he did manage to settle on an order, and here it is...

9. Wishmaster (Spinefarm, 2000)

“It went to No.1 in Finland, but to me Wishmaster is one of those albums that was kind of ‘in-between’. It doesn’t stand out to me on a personal level. There was nothing revolutionary about it after [1998’s] Oceanborn.

It was made in a really good spirit – everybody in the band was happy after the success of Oceanborn – so this was just a natural continuation of that. But it didn’t really introduce anything spectacularly new for me personally. I think that’s my problem with it. If Ihad to pick a favourite song, I think I’d pick Dead Boy’s Poem; lyrically, it’s very much in the essence of Nightwish.”

8. Angels Fall First (Spinefarm, 1997)

“Our debut sounds so innocent because it was done as a demo. It was never supposed to be released, but we sent it to the record label and they said, ‘Let’s put this out!’ It still has my parents’ home address on the booklet.

“When I founded Nightwish in July 1996, I just wanted to do moody acoustic music. Since me and Emppu [Vuorinen, guitars] had a strong metal background, it was a natural transition to do something heavier, but that original acoustic band idea can be heard strongly. We couldn’t find anybody to sing, so I kind of dug a hole and fell into it myself.

"We played Elvenpath years later on the Decades tour, and I can’t understand how Floor was able to keep a straight face singing those lyrics – to her credit, she did! I just remember the kid that I was back then, writing those songs, and I kind of miss that kid, because it was all about Donald Duck and fantasy books and snowmen and things fantastical.

"Nymphomaniac Fantasia? Not my proudest moment. But it was done because there was a young kid who had some, I don’t know… issues, ha ha ha! Love-life gone wrong or something. It was a different time.”

7. Century Child (Spinefarm, 2002)

“After Wishmaster, I seriously considered quitting the band, especially thanks to the departure of the [original] bass player [Sami Vänskä] and my slight burnout. Then I went on a hiking trip in Lapland with Tony Kakko from Sonata Arctica, and he talked me over that.

"We needed a new bass player, and we needed management because until then it was me and Jukka [Nevalainen] the drummer taking care of the business side. So we got management, and we got Marko [Hietala, bassist/ singer until 2021], who was already a big name in Finnish metal – we were all big fans.

"There was a lot of bad stuff happening in the band as well – that’s reflected on the album. Slaying The Dreamer was a way to get rid of all that frustration. Artistically I found film music, Hans Zimmer above all, and that really can be heard on Century Child. But the album didn’t take us much on the next level. Artistically it did, but not commercially.”

6. Dark Passion Play (Nuclear Blast, 2007)

“It was a really easy album to write because all the emotions were there so strongly, after what happened with Tarja [Turunen, original vocalist who was dismissed from the band in 2005], and everything in my personal life. I was about to lose my mental health, and then doing the songs for this album saved it.

"I’m a very private person, but I write about some really personal things, and these people – Anette [Olzon], for this record – are singing it out for the whole world to hear. Ineeded to do a song like The Poet And The Pendulum, where I killed myself in the lyrics; I had to do it for my mental health, and it ended up being a wonderful piece of music.”

5. Imaginaerum (Nuclear Blast, 2011)

“Again, this was a pretty easy album to write – we all had a good time with it. When it comes to songwriting, I’m a morning person. I’ll wake up about six when I’m at home, then a litre of coffee and I’m off. Usually I’m done by two or three o’clock. I write songs upstairs in my little home studio – just a keyboard and a lakeside view. In the studio with the band, the other members and the engineers are more night owls. Also in the tour bus it’s always me up first, making coffee downstairs.

“It was clear from the start that this would end up being a film. We thought, ‘What haven’t we done yet? Let’s do a music video for every song on the album, and then somehow combine them to become this really weird film.’ It’s a very optimistic album. It just puts a big smile on your face.”

4. Once (Nuclear Blast, 2004)

“One of the best times that this band has ever had was 2003- 2004, making the Once album, and the first part of the tour after that. In late 2003 we flew to London to record the orchestras. I rang the studio doorbell and Rick Wakeman opened the door. I think I said, ‘Errr… [makes incoherent starstruck noise] Thanks!’

"We went to the studio, started playing Ghost Love Score and my face melted. Like, ‘I’m next to Wembley, listening to the orchestra playing a song that I wrote, this is really life at its best.’

"Something happened with that album – all the stars were aligned. I remember looking at the album charts and seeing ‘Nightwish, Michael Jackson, Anastasia’ and going ‘Really?!’ I don’t think any of us were quite prepared. You get sucked into this massive world of big tours and worship from the fans, then the money starts to flow in, and it’s easy to lose your perspective. Impulse purchases? I did a round the-world trip on my own, it was wonderful. But money has very little meaning to me."

3. Oceanborn (Spinefarm, 1998)

“Our ambition went through the roof after Angels Fall First, because we all realised that this is actually really fun. I was studying biology, Tarja was studying singing, I think in Germany, Jukka was studying to be a computer engineer, Emppu was working in a carpet factory.

"Music was just a hobby. And then we realised, ‘There’s something going on here, so let’s put all the focus in Nightwish for maybe a few years, and see what happens.’ It was eight hours every day in the rehearsal room, playing the songs and just really feeling it. It was the watershed album for us, it took us to the next level.

"All the guys, we had just gotten out of the army so we all had short hair, we had no idea about the metal scene at all. We were complete countryside hickeys who just happened to like metal music, and we were given this chance to show what we could do with a three-album deal. It shouldn’t have worked on paper, but somehow it did.”

2. Endless Forms Most Beautiful (Nuclear Blast, 2015)

“If Floor hadn’t come along, I think that would have been the end of the band. We got over an ugly divorce once [with Tarja], then again with Anette, then Floor comes along and everything shines bright again. She learned the setlist in 48 hours – when I called her, she was at her sister’s wedding. Even from the first show the fans embraced her. So we took a lot of that good feeling for Endless Forms Most Beautiful [named after a line from Charles Darwin’s On The Origin Of Species].

"We went to Röskö campsite in Finland to record. It’s a four-hectare area by a lake in the middle of nowhere, belonging to the Boy Scouts. We stayed for three months. Every morning we’d rehearse for a few hours, have lunch, go back, rehearse and then spend the evening with each other by a campfire, barbecuing, playing acoustic guitar, singing, going to the sauna and talking about the songs all the time. The Greatest Show On Earth, that’s the Nightwish desert island song. I’m sure we’ll play that at the end of the setlist until forever.

"We recorded Richard Dawkins’ part in Oxford. He’s quite the character. I’m a huge fan, so I was really starstruck. He did his parts beautifully, it was over in about 30 minutes and then he gave us a ride back to central Oxford in his Tesla. And halfway back he asks us, ‘So are you musicians or something?’ Ha ha! So his head’s somewhere… all the time! But he’s a wonderful guy.”

1. Human. :II: Nature. (Nuclear Blast, 2020)

“I immediately knew after Endless Forms Most Beautiful that ‘OK, we have to do more songs about this.’ And so the idea of Human. :II: Nature. was first to have songs about humankind, and then you play the other CD and relax and go into nature. My memories of making the album are of happy times, no conflicts. We returned to Röskö to make it.

"When the pandemic hit, it was like, ‘Should we postpone the release?’ But it was all printed and the advertisements had gone out to the papers. So the record label said, ‘Let’s go with it. Maybe people will have more time to concentrate on it…’

"Noise was a big single, but there’s also something about Shoemaker [named after famed geologist/astronomer Eugene Shoemaker]. It’s on the artsy side, but not in a pretentious way.

"Realising what evolution is… it’s about realising our mortality, at least for me. And it’s made all the difference. When I kind of realised that this is very likely the only life we’re gonna have – it’s only after that that I started hugging my dad. I never hugged my dad before that. I’ve just felt much more liberated and in the light ever since.”

#Nightwish #Tuomas Holopainen #2023 interviews

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doiesfav · 1 year

Text

: ̗̀➛ Music, Dance - Ten ||

''It hurts losing passion about something you loved''

Pairing: Artist! Ten x fem! Reader

Plot: Ten, who loves to dance and paint, had to choose one option for his future and his heart went for art so now he owns an art workshop. On the other hand, his passion for dancing slowly started to disappear until y/n appeared.

Genre: Fluff, romance, fiction, slice of life.

Contains: Cuss words, mention of sex

Wc 1k>

A/n: Thanks for supporting me guys, this is really wholesome TT (ngl these fics always become short even tho I planned them to be long)

MASTERLIST

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

(Third person pov)

6 years have passed since Ten chose an art degree over dancing, both were important for him but making that decision was probably one of the toughest moments for him.

After graduating he opened his own art workshop to make a living, it got popular after few weeks because of the activities you could do there. And of course he was more than satisfied knowing all his hard work paid off.

But there is still one more thing. What about dancing? Did he really spend all his life practising dancing just to do nothing about it? And like every normal person would, he lost his passion for dancing.

Ten had no time for it, he was busy with the shop, painting works, and most annoying, dealing with his girlfriend.

Jinna was her girlfriend, they met in university, but after graduating she didn’t pay any attention to Ten at all. Instead, partying outside and drinking was all she could do since her parents were rich, every time she got drunk she would call Ten to come and pick her up just for them to later have emotionless sex.

Ten really wanted her to change but he couldn’t say it straight up, he just kept it for himself and wishing for the non existent thing to happen. But there was something inside him telling him that loosing her would be very painful.

Today a special customer was coming, y/n, a known choreographer. When the time came Ten greeted her and made her sit in the chair, “So how does this work?” She smiled sincerely, “I’m not used to this stuff”, Ten could see the innocence and made her feel comfortable while explaining how it works.

“And you just do it like that, you can express yourself by the painting” After that Ten left when he recieved a message from Jinna.

hey babeee

im sorry if you are still angryyy

I told you i was drunk and it wasnt my intention to fuck him

I was really drunk babeee pls dont be angry

But Ten just ignored it and got back to work, his mind was very messy, and could not process how his girlfriend cheated on him. I mean he could have predicted it but he was still annoyed by the fact that Ten still didn't wanna break up with Jinna.

An hour later Ten got up and went to check on y/n who was almost finished with it. It was a painting of someone in a dance room dancing in front of the mirror, which made Ten feel overwhelmed and brought up some of his memories.

“It is really beautiful” Y/n looked back at Ten and gave him a warm smile. “thank you, I really appreciate it”. Those words made Ten a beat in his heart. ''I was very interested in dancing back then'' He laughed off.

''Really? Why don't you do it now?'' He felt kinda sad after y/n asked that, it was really noticeable. ''Oh, sorry I didn't mean to'' ''No, don't worry, I just grew up and find arts more enjoyable'' It was Ten's first time speaking about dancing after a really really long time. He couldn't remember when was the last time he talked about it.

They both spent their time talking about it, Ten felt like his heart was blooming and felt a strange feeling; as if his younger self was with him. ''Do you wanna come with me after your shift to dance?''

Ten saw it as an opportunity to relieve stress and make himself feel happy after a while. When he closed the shop he went to the dance studio y/n told him to go, it was his first time in such a professional room for dancing. The room was incredibly big, maybe twice the size of the dancing room he used to go to before.

His heart was beating rapidly because of the excitement. ''do you wanna go straight or slowly?'' She giggled while covering her mouth with her hand, ''Let's start slowly, I haven't done this in a very long time'' He laughed off.

''So do you have any favorite danceable song?'', while thinking it hit him that he's never got to think about music too. Suddenly Ten remembered his sister saying ''I love Music, Dance by NCT, you don't know? What a loser'' It was like a week ago, she's been into that boy group lately.

''Um, do you know Music, Dance by NCT?'' y/n seemed surprised, ''Yeaa of course, I did some choreographies for them, then we can start stretching'' Ten felt as his youth started taking over. Was dancing for him always that exciting? While also enjoying the music, moving his body freely was refreshing it was like how snakes shed their skin, except he was shedding his lost passion into something new.

After 2 hours of dancing, they both created a choreography for the chorus of the song, Ten was so proud of himself and deeply appreciate the hard work of y/n too. You two decided to go outside and breath some fresh air.

The aura between you and Ten was very cozy, ''want to do it again?'' Ten shook his head ''I mean I would do it any time you want'' he laughed off. That's when he saw Jinna and a guy holding hands, Ten rubbed his eyes with his hand to check if it really was her, he couldn't believe it.

Then you also catch the couple Ten was seeing, ''What the fuck is she doing'' You understood what was happening at the moment quickly, and he walked to stop her holding hands with the guy.

''Excuse who are you'' The guy who was with Jinna said, ''She's my fucking girlfriend?'' And the guy backed ''Jinna you told me you were single what the fuck'' Then he stormed off seeing annoyed, ''What do you think you are doing, we were over'' Ten looked confused as soon as she said that.

''I've never told you we were over'' She just removed Ten's hands and walked off screaming ''Now we are over dumbass''. He stood there and tears started to fall down his cheek, realizing you should do something you went there and hugged him.

Surprisingly he didn’t reject that hug, but he did cry loudly, you cleared his tears with your hand “Ten you can cry don’t worry, everyone deserves a second chance, so you do” You didn’t know if that helped him more of made him worse “I just don’t know myself anymore, Im lost”

To be honest, you didn’t know how to handle that situation instead you just said “Ten, If something happens Im here, okay?”

Thanks for reading y’all <3 And you could follow because big things are coming (I already said that like a 100 times lmao)

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missvelvetsstuff · 1 year

Text

Where you goin, Star?

Bucky x Reader

BikerAU

Summary: Reader meets Bucky when the truck hauling her show horses breaks down as she is trying to leave for an event and he works for the mechanic. Passionate, secret love affair ensues. After a confrontation with her father, Bucky decides she deserves better than a poor biker like him and leaves town with his friends Steve and Sam.

Three years later, reader is trapped in an abusive relationship and about to give up hope of things ever improving, when Bucky comes back.

Chapter 17

Warnings: swearing

Star groaned when her alarm went off, exhausted from turbulent sleep and noticed her right hand was hurting when she tried to rub her eyes. She looked at her bruised knuckles in confusion, trying to remember how she hurt her hand. She tried to scooch away from Bucky to go to the bathroom but he just pulled her closer and mumbled into her hair.

Star sighed "Bucky, I really need to pee and it's almost time to get up."

He finally relented and she went to use the bathroom and take a shower.

When she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel she saw Bucky looking at his phone and her mouth fell open.

She sat next to him and gently touched the bruises "Jamie? What happened to your eye? Did you get into a fight?"

Bucky chuckled "No, that's all you, slugger." and smirked at her

She hid her face "What? I did that? Ohmygod! I'm so sorry Jamie, you seem to get caught up in my worst moments."

Bucky smiled at her "Your worst is better than the best day without you. I'm good with it." He pulled the sheet off of her head "Today should be a good day. The attorneys are going to wrap up their cases and then we wait for the jury. It'll all be over soon."

She kissed him softly "I can't wait to go back to my life. I've really missed my horses. With 8 or 12 months training we all should be back in shape to show. Hopefully."

Bucky deflated a little, what if she didn't need him anymore, once the trial was over and John was gone for good.

"Have you got everything all worked out for when you can go home? Back to the Pierce estate?

She shook her head "Ugh, I've always hated that house. My father made it feel like a prison. I think I have a good idea for repurposing it but I'm still working out the details.

No, I'm gonna go back to my house and work at my stable, without anyone looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do, I want to get my life back and leave this mess behind.

Bucky nodded sadly "After everything you've been through, that makes sense. You lost all your freedom and autonomy so it seems natural that you want to get that back."

Y/N leaned up and kissed his chin "Hey, Jamie." He looked in her eyes "You realize that you are a big part of what I want to take back. My house is pretty big. Not a mansion but 4 bedrooms and an office, pool and all that. It's right next to the stable so heaven.

It'll take a bit to get some of my programs back up and running but I'll get it there."

She looked at the clock and then pushed on his arm "It's time to get moving. It's already 6 and we need to be there at 8 so get your ass in the shower."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they were at court the closing arguments didn't include anything new or game changing and the jury went to deliberate.

Before they had even left the parking lot her attorneys phone rang and they were called back. He told Star that was a good sign and Bucky held her hand as they walked back.

The verdict was more than she could have asked for, John was found guilty on all counts of rape, abuse and everything else he had done to her. The sentencing hearing was in 2 weeks and the trial regarding his political crimes was scheduled for next month.

John Walker's carefully crafted life was falling apart in front of his eyes and he couldn't do anything about any of it. To add insult to injury he saw that dirty biker kissing his now ex wife in the middle of the courtroom.

John swore and threw some names at Star but she just laughed "You have no power over me John. Our unfortunate association is done and you are nothing but a sad little man that's going away." She blew him a kiss and left with Bucky.

That evening, Tony insisted on taking everyone out to celebrate. They went to one of the best restaurants in the city and closed the place down. They didn't leave until after 3am and the only one who was sober was Happy, since he was the driver.

Y/N and Bucky were attached at the hip, each feeling nervous about what comes next and unwilling to let go of the other.

When they arrived back at Stark tower, Bucky had to help Star keep upright until they made it to her rooms. Once inside he propped her up against the door and kissed her deeply, only pulling away when he needed to breathe. He looked at her with heart eyes until he realized something, then looked away and picked her up to carry to her room.

Star never stopped kissing and nibbling on his neck, pulling his hair which made him groan. He set her gently on the bed, then tried to pull away but she wasn't having it.

"Jamie" she whined "Please, stay. I need you."

"I'm just going to get you some water and pain killers, or you'll regret it in the morning."

He returned and coaxed her to take the pills and drink the water.

She laid back down and pulled him with her, grabbing at his shirt to remove it.

Bucky sighed and stopped her gently "You need to get some sleep doll, we can't do this right now."

Star looked up at him and slurred "But, why. I thought you wanted me. I thought-" her eyes filled with tears.

He shushed her softly "No, Star. I do want you honey but not like this. I want you to remember every detail and you're too drunk right now. I promise I'm yours, for as long as you want me but I don't want our first time back together to be when you can't consent and won't remember. I'll still be here in the morning if you still interested and up for it." He took his jeans off and climbed into bed with her only to realize she was already passed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Star woke with a groan, quickly moving her arm to cover her eyes even though the room was pretty dark. The smell of coffee and bacon hit her and her stomach clenched, making her bolt to the bathroom to empty it.

When she was empty she brushed her teeth then wandered out to the kitchen. Bucky was over the stove making bacon and eggs.

"There's my morning Star, how are you feeling?" He asked cheerfully, offering a mug of coffee.

Star growled as she accepted "How can you be so bright eyed and cheerful after all you drank last night."

He chuckled "I didn't drink near as much as you did and I have some crazy high tolerance after the military and my profession as a dirty biker." He looked at her, smirking.

"I don't remember much after we arrived at the restaurant. Tony kept ordering round after round and, yeah. That's I-" she paled, "I'm gonna be sick" and ran to the bathroom.

Bucky took the food off of the stove and hurried after her but the door was locked "You ok Star?"

"Yeah" she yelped "I'll be out in a few."

Star held in the tears until she heard him walk away and could let them out. She remembered bits of last night, most importantly how she threw herself at him and he turned her down. His explanation was fuzzy but the bottom line was that he didn't want her. All the loving words and actions drained from her memory and all she could see or feel was the rejection. She was a fool for thinking he would still want her after everything, convincing herself that he helped her out of guilt but would be leaving her behind soon since John was out of the way.

When her stomach stopped heaving she brushed her teeth again, washed her face and went back to the kitchen.

"Are you ok sweetheart? Do you want to try to eat something?"

Star nodded without saying anything and swallowed down as much food as ahe could stand. Once she finished she just sat there sipping her coffee.

"Hey, Star did I say something? Are younsure you're ok?"

She tried not to look at him but he cupped her cheek and felt the tears on her cheek "Why are you crying baby? Please let me help."

She spoke so softly he almost didn't hear her "you dont have to stay."

He looked at her confused "But I want to stay. Unless you want me to go."

She shrugged "Well, the trial is over and John is going away for awhile and I'm going to move back home. You shouldn't stay with me out of guilt."

"What? Baby, I told you I want to be with you. Forever. I meant that when I said it 3 years ago and I meant it yesterday. You don't be rid of me so easily."

He pulled her into him. "I'll tell you every single day if it'll convince you. I love you Star and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes "You sure you won't get tired of my insecurities?"

"Positive but I also plan to help assuage your insecurity by always being here for you." He kissed her on the nose "Promise.

Now, don't we have some packing to do, so we can go home?"

@pattiemac1 @hhiggs

Chapter 18

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #angst with a happy ending #biker au

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theredcapeofk · 9 months

Text

20 Questions More

A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @fazedlight for the tag!!

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

I have three main sources of inspiration:

my own brain where my ship and fandoms live rent-free.

tumblr: other people's works keep the passion alive and new ideas coming

discussing the ships and fandoms with other fans

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

So many of you guys do inspire me for so many different reasons it's hard to make a list.

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I love to have Eliza around she brings a sense of calm and reassurance to my scenes. I also love to have Esme, she's so cute and I like having her melt everyone's hearts from sheer cuteness.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Writing and reading fanfics have taught me that my views tend to change on ships and tropes. So my never today could inspire me tomorrow.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

I don't know about a writing process... I get an inspiration and start writing. Sometimes I outline longer fics and sometimes the stories cannot be outlined so I let it write itself as I go. Of course I make the whole thing coherent.

If that wasn't cursed enough, I'll just add that there are times where my brain just won't English so I have to think my writing in French and translate it.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The outpour of inspiration that makes me write until my eyes/fingers hurt

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

I honestly don't remember. But every research I ever make for a fic is a fall down the rabbit hole. You start by a word research and two hours later you end up watching a tutorial on how to comb a Giraffe's hair...(It never actually happened, but you get my point lol)

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Sometimes all of the above plus typos and the sequence of tenses? This used to never be a problem, but the further I get from my English classes the blurrier sequence of tenses become.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Fight scenes and action scenes. Like how am I supposed to describe who does what and how...?

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

Very often. In Change my Direction Kara was supposed to heal a lot faster. And then she didn't and here we are lol. In My Eyes are Up Here Kara was supposed to spill the secret sooner but she couldn't. And in a project I'm still working on on the rift era, Lena was supposed to cave in sooner but she's stubborn lol

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Definitely Kara and Lena. I have so many questions and I would love their take on what canon left unsaid. I would also like to speak to Brainy and Cat. I would pester Brainy about the 31st century to know the extent of Kara's and Lena's legacy. I'd ask Cat how she managed to create Catco and also what finally gave Kara away.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Kara and Lena are always idiots in love in my fics and when they do admit their feelings to each other, they only live for one another.

As for themes, I tend to come back to the rift era because canon created a tension that needed solving and their version only broached the surface. And this conflict brought so many things to the surface for the characters there are so many alternate answers to be given I feel that it's an exploration that keeps on giving.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

My phone. I've been writing mostly on my phone for years and I love the flexibility it gives me. I can carry it around with me and write whenever inspiration strikes.

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

You guys actually have strategies for that? Hahaha. What I tend to do, is highlight words or sentences as I go along. Then, when I'm done with a chapter, I put the fic away for a few days and then I start re-reading the chapter from the start. Best-case scenario I take the highlights off, worst-case scenario I highlight more stuff lol. As some words need translating I try to do this step incrementally because I know how long or hard the language check can be.

When I get stuck to a point where I can't move on, I beg my English speaking friends for help. @lenaralanvers has helped me so much since 2021

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

The summary is always my absolute nemesis

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think I define it from the hits.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

I do have a playlist for Supercorp and it's always growing. There's a lot of Celine Dion and Greek pop songs in it. There's something about Celine Dion's voice and late 90's and early 2000's songs that just screams Supercorp to me. The Greek pop songs have a special way of expressing pain and regret that fits perfectly with the rift era.

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

If I had to pick someone, I would commission them :). maybe 2024 is the year I finally do this.

And if anyone wants to create fanart from any of my fics please feel free to.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

Phew...tough question! I don't have time to actually count them all, but I'd say twelve? out of the top of my head. Some will be one shots, some will hopefully become multichapters.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

If you want to write fanfic go for it. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from ever writing. Never plagiarize anyone and if you get your inspiration from someone, always give credit.

- - - - -

Tagging (respectfully and without pressure). If you've done the game before, feel free to send me a link to it ;) @chaotic-super, @lenaralanvers , @inkedroplets , @fyonahmacnally if you want some rapid-fire q's thrown your way. But also anyone who'd like to do this!

#20 questions #writing

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two-tyred-problems · 5 months

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F1 ask game!

got tagged by @kazoologist!! Thank uuuu I love talking

Who is your favourite driver?

Oscar Piastri!! And also Logan, my favourite unlucky guy :,)

Do you have any other favourite drivers?

I like most of the grid, but especially Lewis, Yuki, Alex and Zhou!

For non current drivers, I gotta say my fellow Germans, Nico Rosberg and Sebastian Vettel

I’m also taking this as my cue to say how much I love the F1 Academy drivers! Especially Doriane cuz I was following her even before she joined! But also Tina, Lia, Chloe and Abbi (Some of them are really carrying their teams, Amna is making that VCarb suit actually look good)

Who is your least favourite driver?

Daniel Ricciardo, I’m guessing. Sorry for all his fans but I already disliked him before the DR hate train started this year, some of the stuff he said really irks me

Also Carlos kind of because he constantly has beef with my favourite driver and I’m currently not too fond of Lando either (cuz of the Trump stuff :/)

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Teams as well, although I mostly start out liking them because of the drivers! Williams for example (and Gee, you’re so real, I’d also kill for Lia Block)

If you like teams, what team do you pull for?

Williams and Mercedes, Williams because I liked their drivers first and then started to like the team in itself too. I like Mercedes mostly because it’s one of the first f1 teams I knew and my sister is a big fan!

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

I would simply not. I’d maybe be convinced to do marketing but I can’t even manage my own schedule

But if I really had to, I’d go for Sauber probably? Not the pressure that’s on teams like Ferrari, scandal free drivers, a marketing team that tries to rebrand Zhou as wizard and a cool colour scheme. Would even dye my hair neon green again as a publicity stunt.

How long have you been in F1?

Not thaaaat long to be honest, since August last year probably but I got even more intensely into it a few months later, after I finally got how everything works

What got you into F1?

It’s a long story comprised of multiple small stories basically

I always watch Top Gear/Grand Tour with my dad and one day they reviewed the McLaren Senna and I thought it was a super neat car, because of the glass in the doors and I decided that McLaren will be my favourite Luxury Car brand now.

I slowly got into cars a bit, but not really motorsport itself until we went to an outlet Center and I got myself a cheap Mercedes AMG jacket, because my Uncle is a huge AMG fan and I liked the cars. After I bought it I noticed that it said F1-Team on it too, so I followed the Merc F1 account cuz I didn’t want to get asked about it and then not know anything.

A few months later we went into the Gran Tourismo Movie and one of my friends and I loved it so much we started getting into motorsport. Then I followed the McLaren F1 account because of their previously mentioned car I liked. That’s probably why Oscar is my favourite driver. (I still remember being super confused when my friend tried to explain all the rules to me when I could only remember like 6 drivers)

Do you enjoy fanfic/rpf?

I can’t say I read it, although it’s also inevitable to stumble upon it sometimes. It’s just not for me but I ain’t judging people for it, there’s weirder stuff you could do.

How do you view new fans?

I still consider myself a kind of new fan, even more so in MotoGP, so I can’t judge! But even in fandoms I’ve been in for a long time I like meeting new fans because it’s a cool thing to share your passion for something!

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?

My sister currently is (because i forced her to watch races with me) and a lot of my family watched it like 30 years ago but not anymore. My uncle likes motorsport but thinks F1 is too elitist (which, fair point, but still)

I have one friend who’s into it as hardcore as me. The rest of my friends just listen to us ramble lmao

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

100%! I don’t know how to actually start talking to people because this is the first tumblr account I made to intentionally share what I say but rest assured, I love making friends and chatting with people, even if it’s not about motorsport!

#about me #dunno who to tag sorrrryyy #Now that I did the fun stuff I can go back to the papers I’m supposed to write #their dead line is *checks notes* approximately three hours ago

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kk095 · 2 years

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Road Trip

*good evening everyone! Here's a new story of mine! I also have another story on deck that I should be posting in the near future. Hope you enjoy this one!*

I can’t believe the situation I’m in right now. My girlfriend and I were on a road trip heading to the mountains for a nice, quiet, relaxing trip. Now I’m in a hospital bed in who knows where with a concussion, had my spleen removed, and some bumps and scrapes, while my girlfriend is under a sheet in the hospital morgue. I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened in the past day or two, but I have a lot to get off my chest. But before I tell you how we got here, I want to tell you about my girlfriend. I want you guys to remember her the same way I did, and not by how she died.

Her name was Chloe. She was a few years younger than me. And for reference, I’m 26 and she was 24. Chloe was a cute Asian girl, whose dad is a Vietnamese immigrant, and mother is a Chinese immigrant. She had dark, pin straight, shoulder length hair, chocolate brown eyes, and had a short, petite build. She had a nasal septum piercing, a colorful tattoo sleeve on her left arm, and wore black lipstick a lot, which drove her uptight, traditional parents crazy. They always asked her why she couldn’t be like her older brother Michael who’s a successful programming manager for Microsoft out west in Seattle, which made her feel bad.

But Chloe differed from the rest of her immediate family. Compared to her family’s uptight, traditional ways, she was more open minded, laid back, and had a go with the flow type of demeanor about her. Her older brother Michael was very ambitious and goal oriented while Chloe wanted to pursue her passions and work to live, rather then live to work. She went to college for music, but ultimately dropped out in her 2nd semester, much to her family’s disapproval. Chloe was a bass player and loved focusing on writing music, playing with her bandmates, and worked only to provide money for her passion.

And that’s how her and I met, through work. We both worked at the same hotel together, just in different departments. I work as a maintenance supervisor, while she worked at the front desk. I remember the first time I met her. I was called up to the front desk to take a look at some dripping that came from a vent. I was able to get to the bottom of the issue real quick- it was just a clogged up condensate line in the HVAC vent (something that takes 5 minutes to fix, but most HVAC repair men will have the audacity to charge you $300 bucks for. But I digress!). After I cleared that up, I asked one of my buddies at the front desk who the hot new girl was, to which he told me “yeah, that’s Claire!”, which became a bit of an inside joke between Chloe and I later on.

I started spending more time at the front desk and BSing with her, and found out her an I had a lot in common. As I mentioned, she was a bass player, while I play guitar. It turned out we were both metal heads, she liked pokemon (even had Squirtle as part of her tattoo sleeve) and complemented my Lego collection- probably the only girl in the history of the universe to do so. After we got to know each other a bit, I got her number and asked her out. And let me tell ya, I was very nervous about that first date!

The first date was at this Mexican place she wanted to go to. We got a little tipsy off some margaritas and just talked for hours, eventually losing track of time. The manager of the restaurant actually tapped me on the shoulder and told me they were closing in 20 minutes. But that’s how it should be- 5 hours felt like 5 minutes with her, and I enjoyed it very much! That first date was two and a half years ago, and everything was great in the relationship department from there on.

I felt very content and happy with my relationship with Chloe, and bought a ring, planning to propose to her on this trip, under the guise of it just being a little weekend getaway.

The hotel we were staying at was about 6 and a half hours away, so it was a manageable distance. The two of us got ready that morning and got in some comfy clothes for the car ride. She was wearing her purple pullover hoodie, some black sweats, and her go-to black and white checkered Vans. Even though she was in those baggy, comfy clothes, she still looked cute as always.

I agreed to do the driving there. I was a little tired however! I had to stay at work late the night before because a pain in the ass guest absolutely trashed a room and we had to fix all sorts of stuff. Just an FYI before we continue- if you’re unhappy with your room assignment at a hotel, just leave a bad review or something. Don’t trash the room. Someone has to fix that!

Even though I was tired from my overtime the night before, I decided to do the driving in my car. At first, we were making good time. But around the trip’s halfway point, we started to hit some traffic on the interstate. Chloe and I decided to get off at the next exit and grab a bite to eat, hit the bathroom, and gas up, hoping traffic would dissipate in a little while. We ultimately grabbed breakfast at a small diner, hit the bathroom, and went to the gas station next door to refuel. While I was pumping gas, I was yawning and felt a little tired. Chloe looked up at me and said “hey babe, why don’t I do the driving? You had a long night, you deserve a nap.” She was always sweet like that, but I replied “oh it’s ok hun, I can make it there. I’ll just crash and burn tonight when we get to the room.” Chloe then hopped over from the passenger seat and over to the driver’s seat. “too late mister! Go take a nap!” She said playfully. I laughed a little and told her “hey, I appreciate it. But you don’t have to drive.” Chloe then said “just take a nap babe! I pinky promise I’ll get us there alive.” I ultimately capitulated and thought “yeah, ya know, a nap sounds good!”

After I finished gassing up and paying an arm and a leg, I hopped in the passenger seat, get under Chloe’s baby Yoda blanket, and reclined the seat back. Once we got back on the interstate, all it took was a little highway hypnosis to knock me out. The next thing I remember is totally different. I hear Chloe scream, I heard the brakes screech, and I was thrown forward a bit, waking me right up from my nap. A large 18 wheeler truck had cut us off while changing lanes. Chloe didn’t have much time to react, and she slammed into the back bumper of the truck at a high rate of speed. I felt the lap portion of the seatbelt tighten up over my belly, feeling a tremendous amount of pressure and pain over my abdomen. My head whipped around a bit, making me feel dizzy for a few seconds. Once I regained my mental faculties, I looked over at the passenger seat to see how Chloe was doing.

Chloe was crying hysterically, and had a few cuts and scrapes on her face. I grab her right hand and ask “hey hun, you ok? What happened?” Chloe continued crying hysterically and hyperventilating a bit. “its ok baby, calm down. It’s gonna be ok!” I tell her, trying to be reassuring. “the truck… it cut me off. I didn’t have time!” she cried out to me. “he didn’t signal! I didn’t know babe, I’m sorry!” she continued, tears streaming down her face. “chloe, hun, I’m not mad at you. Are you ok?” I tell her, squeezing her hand, trying to be reassuring. “my chest… my chest hit the steering wheel!” she cried and moaned. She went on to tell me her chest hit the steering wheel hard, then was thrown back half a second later when the airbag deployed. “I got ya baby girl. Does your chest hurt?” I asked her, concerned. “yes… it hurts when I breathe… something doesn’t feel right…” she cried out, shaking her head. “alright. I’m sure help is on the way. We’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna get through this, ok?” I tell her, making eye contact with her. She nodded at me a few times, still crying and hyperventilating.

We were pinned in my car and the doors wouldn’t open. Chloe was pulling on the door handle repeatedly while crying “I don’t wanna die in here.” I placed my hand over hers and told her “nobody’s dying Chloe. We’re gonna get out of this.” She held my hand tight and said “Kenny, I’m so scared….”

I could hear sirens off in the distance, but it appeared our accident created another traffic jam. Minutes went by and it didn’t sound like the sirens were getting any closer. I’m guessing the emergency vehicles had trouble getting through the traffic jam. Several more minutes went by, which felt like hours to the two of us. “is anybody coming for us?!” Chloe shouted. “they’re coming babe. Everything’s gonna be ok!” I tell her, trying to console her again.

Finally, we see a female police officer approach the vehicle on the driver’s side. Chloe taps on the window “HEY! HELP US!”, she shouted. The officer approached the vehicle and got on her radio “hey, I have 2 occupants in vehicle 1. Female restrained driver, male restrained passenger. Both awake and alert. Gonna need the jaws of life. Driver’s side door is crunched up.” “10-4, ambo and fire are almost there.” A male voice on the radio said in response. “see Chloe, they’re here. We’re gonna be ok.” I tell her, feeling a bit relieved help was beginning to arrive.

In the next couple of minutes, more and more emergency vehicles and personnel started to surround us. The fire department began setting up their equipment, and started the extraction process within a few minutes. A loud, mechanical crunching sound surrounded Chloe and I. I could barely hear myself think, but I still had a sense of relief since the first responders were there.

Finally, the door was ripped off, and a few medics ran over to Chloe and began tending to her. They placed a c collar on her, got her on a backboard, and brought her over to a nearby ambulance to begin examining her. A second set of medics did the exact same thing with me. While being pulled out of the vehicle, I could see the medics cutting off Chloe’s purple hoodie, placing EKG leads on her chest, setting up some IVs, and making more of a commotion over her than me. “Chloe?! You ok hun?!” I shouted over, to which I received no response. “hey buddy, stay calm for us. Your girlfriend is in good hands, alright?” a medic told me in a calm tone. They did the same thing with me. They took my shirt off and started setting up a wide range of equipment. “large bruise upper left quadrant. Vitals stable, but they may wanna take a look at that in the ED.” I overheard my medic say to their partner. They shined a pen light in my eye shortly after. “pupils are reactive, but slight delay. Might be a concussion. Let’s get him prepped for transport. The two of them are getting taken to County.” I overheard my medics say.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that, and the ambulance doors slammed shut, and I was on my way. The whole way over, all I could think about was Chloe. She was absolutely terrified, and I just wanted her to be ok. If there was anything serious going on, I would’ve rather it happened to me than her. I looked out the back windows of the ambulance and saw another ambulance right behind us- I knew it was hers. “Please… I hope she’s ok in there.” I thought to myself, watching her ambulance speed down the highway along with mine. I was a nervous wreck on Chloe’s behalf for the rest of the ambulance ride, but I was personally doing ok all things considered.

I remember the ambulance pulling into the hospital’s entrance and pulling towards an entry door. The ambulance came to a stop, and back doors popped open. I could see two sets of people wearing yellow trauma gowns, one group by my ambulance and the other group over near Chloe’s ambulance as it pulled in. “26 year old male, restrained passenger, high speed mvc. Upper left quadrant bruising with guarding and rigidity, possible concussion. Vitals stable. Set up an IV, only gave him a little NS. Refused pain meds.” My medic told my group of people in yellow trauma gowns. I heard a female voice say “thank you, get him to trauma one. The girl in trauma two. Let’s go everyone.”

I was wheeled into the hospital, brought into a trauma room, and moved onto a table. They sat me in an upright position on the table since I was relatively stable and began asking me questions. While I was being asked questions, I heard Chloe crying while being wheeled into the exam room right next to me. “female, 24, restrained driver high speed mvc. Patient is tachy, hypotensive, diminished breath sounds on the left side, muffled heart sounds. Started fluid resuscitation and gave pain meds.” A medic told the group of yellow gowned individuals in the next room. “alright. Transfer her on my count. One… two… THREE!” one of the doctors said, while the whole team moved her onto a table, underneath a large over head light. “chloe? Is that you?!” I shouted, trying to get her attention. “kenny?! It’s me! Is that you Kenny?!” I heard Chloe say. She was on the table in a c-collar and head stabilizer, stripped down to her black sports bra and matching underwear. Her complexion had faded a bit, becoming a few shades paler, and I could see some redness and bruising on her chest, probably from where her chest hit the steering wheel.

“Sir? Look at us, ok? We’ve got some questions for ya!” A nurse said to me. I paused for a second and looked back over, replying “yeah… yeah, of course.” The nurse was holding a clipboard, then asked me “ok! Do you have any drug allergies?” I replied “yeah, just penicillin. It gave hives this one time when I was a kid…” The nurse jotted some stuff down. “ok… do you have any prior medical history? Any history of surgeries?” she asked me. “oh no, nothing I can think of. Never had surgery either.” I replied. She jotted some more stuff down on her clip board, then continued her questions. “can you tell me where it hurts for me?” she continued. “my belly. Over where the seatbelt tightened up. I’m a little dizzy too, but that’s it.” I said to her. “ok, abdominal pain…” the nurse repeated back, thinking out loud. While that was going on, I heard a blood curdling yelp come from next door- a sound I never heard from Chloe before, and one that I’ll always remember. “chest tube’s in, vitals still dropping.” I heard a voice say in Chloe’s room. “what was that? Is she ok?!” I shouted, popping up a bit, trying to get a better view of the room Chloe was in. “whoa whoa whoa, sit back and relax mister. We have to focus on you.” Another nurse said, gently forcing me back into my previous position. I could hear Chloe cry next door. “please… I don’t wanna die…” I heard her cry out, practically begging the doctors and nurses in her room.

While the team in Chloe’s room was running around like chickens with their heads cut off, my team was doing things at a more relaxed pace. The nurses were setting up an ultrasound machine to take a look at what was going on in my belly from the seatbelt injury. While that was going on, I asked “is Chloe gonna be ok? Can someone tell me what’s going on?” One of the nurses replied “we’ll let you know a little later. We assure you, the best doctors in the hospital are taking care of her.” I didn’t have much of a response. They didn’t want to tell me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was very nervous about how she was doing. Everyone seemed more concerned about her than they did with me, so I knew it had to be something more serious.

I heard plenty of commotion next door over the next couple minutes. While that was going on, my ER team squirted cool, conductive ultrasound gel on my belly. An ultrasound wand was put on my belly and spread the gel around a bit. Then the wand was moved over the area that was bothering me most. I winced in pain, feeling a lot of tenderness while the wand was over the affected area. “splenic lac, but minimal blood loss. His vitals are stable, let’s get a surgical consult and see what they say about this.” One of my doctors said. Just after they said that, I heard “vitals still dropping. Get me an intubation tray! 7.0 ET and a laryngoscope!” At that point, I didn’t hear Chloe crying, moaning, or talking anymore. I looked over and saw Chloe asleep on the table while they were maneuvering a plastic breathing tube down her throat. “trachea might be deviated Cricoid pressure please.” A voice shouted. I saw one person place a few fingers on the front of my girl’s neck, while the breathing tube was finally placed properly. The tube was held in place with some tape, and a light blue ambu bag was attached. “Alrighty, breath sounds present.” One of the nurses next door said, with a stethoscope up against Chloe’s bare chest.

Suddenly, Chloe’s breathing tube became clogged up with a large amount of blood. The heart monitors started chirping and beeping loudly. “suction!” I heard a nurse shout. “no pulse, starting compressions!” another nurse said. One nurse was suctioning out Chloe’s breathing tube while another started delivered deep, violent chest compressions. Chloe’s petite, skinny chest caved in and her belly bounced out from the residual force of the compressions. Her head bobbed and lolled while they tried to suction out the blood from her breathing tube, creating a moving target. A liquidy, slurping sound was heard while the nurse pumped away at my baby girl’s chest. “oh god… come on Chloe…” I thought to myself while watching. “meds are in!” one nurse said after injecting something into Chloe’s IV.

Chloe’s breathing tube was cleared of blood and the ET tube was reattached. But I could see that her pearly white teeth were now stained red with blood. “charging to 250.” A doctor shouted, while an electrical whirring sound was heard. The defibrillator paddles were then pressed up against Chloe’s chest, and a shock was delivered. I watched in horror as my girlfriend’s body jolted so violently on the table next door. “no change, resuming compressions.” A nurse replied, who started pumping her chest a second later. The defib paddles were charged to 300 joules this time, pressed up against her chest, and the next shock was delivered. The same violent, thrashing motion was seen, but Chloe’s eyes opened slightly. But her eyes were completely dull and lifeless, staring up above at the ceiling. Her eyes remained open from then on out. When the resumed CPR, I saw her head bobbing again, with her eyes half open eyes blankly staring off. The next shock took place shortly after a cycle of chest compressions. This time, I saw her feet kick up on the other end of the table and slam back down. When her feet slammed back down, I could see all the deep, soft, silky, prominent wrinkles that permeated the soles of her tiny size 5 feet. I lucked out in that department- Chloe had pretty feet and could’ve made a gazillion dollars on only fans with her cute wrinkly soles if she ever wanted to.

After the third shock, I heard a doctor shout “ok. Get me a thoracotomy tray !” A what? A thoracotomy? What’s that? What’re they gonna do to my girl?!, I thought to myself, my mind beginning to race. Let me tell you, you definitely don’t want to see your girlfriend get a thoracotomy done on them. They made a big cut in her chest. It started at her sternum, they extended it across the left side of her chest, underneath her left nipple, and all the way out near her left armpit. They then cut apart the tissue and fat below her skin. Then they placed a big metal thing inside the cut, and started turning some knobs. I heard a loud cracking and popping sound, and saw her chest become more and more open. After turning those knobs a couple more times, I could see Chloe’s heart in plain sight. But it wasn’t beating, it looked more like it was kind of twitching or fidgeting. The doctors and nurses placed a few things in Chloe’s chest, and then I started to see blood come out of the big cut in her chest, which pooled on the right side of her chest and dripped down to her belly a little. “jesus… what a mess… suction please!” I heard a doctor say. I don’t know what they were looking at, but they didn’t like what they saw. I heard some commotion over the next minute or two, but I’m not sure what that they were doing. All I heard was something about internal compressions.

“Ok, charge the internal paddles to 20.” I heard the doctor say. I heard the same electric whirring sound as the defibrillator paddles, but these defibrillator paddles looked differed. They were these long, skinny things that looked kind of like a giant serving spoon. The placed the spoon part of the paddles around each side of Chloe’s twitching, fidgeting heart, and they delivered a shock. This shock sounded differed. It had a dull, wet, muffled type of sound. I saw Chloe’s torso twitch around in response. “no pulse, v-fib on the monitors.” I heard a voice say after that shock. The large spoon looking objects were recharged to a higher intensity, placed back into her exposed chest cavity, and another shock was delivered. I heard that same dull, wet ka-thunk like with the first one. On the other end of the table, I saw Chloe’s toes curl, showing of her fresh, jet black nail polish and her wrinkly soles that I droned on about earlier.

After I see them reach back into her chest and do who knows what, I’m interrupted by the surgeon who was summoned by my team earlier. The surgeon took a look at my ultrasound, and even though my spleen injury was relatively stable, the surgeon felt the best move was to remove it. The reason is that the injury could potentially get worse without treatment, and they’d have to remove it anyway at that point. I then agree to do surgery, they make me sign a paper, and I can hear my team making calls to the operating room in regards to my upcoming surgery. My team was injecting some stuff in my IV, going over my vital signs, and trying to coordinate with the operating room. After a few minutes of commotion, I’m finally able to look back over at Chloe and see what’s going on.

I heard another dull, wet, KATHUMP, followed by a droning high pitched sound. “that’s it, she’s gone. Time of death, 11:57am.” Wait, what?! Did I just hear what I thought I heard?! “hey, what happened?! Is Chloe ok?!” I shout to my ER team as they start wheeling me out of the ER room and over to an elevator. I start getting ready eyed, with a lump in my throat: “did Chloe die?!” I asked, almost pleading with the doctors and nurses to tell me something. I saw them look at each other, not sure of what to say. “we’re not sure, you’ll find out after your surgery.” I was told. I kept bugging my doctors and nurses to tell me anything they could, and they wouldn’t. Eventually, it was time for my surgery, and that was that.

I woke up several hours later in the room I’m in now. My belly with all sorts of stitches and staples in it- I could probably set off a metal detector with all these metal staples. I felt a little groggy, my mouth was dry, and I was terribly thirsty. I felt a little sore, but it was certainly tolerable. A little while after I awoke, a doctor came in my room. It was a familiar face- one of the yellow gowned individuals in Chloe’s room. “hey! You worked on Chloe! What happened?!” I asked anxiously. The woman sighed, looked down at the floor for a second and grabbed a seat in the room. “so Chloe was hurt very bad in that accident. She had a collapsed lung, and one of her ribs broke off and sliced into her heart…” they told me. “oh jeez. What happened after they took me away? Is she dead?!” I asked, teary eyed. The doctor paused, then said “these type of injuries are usually quite severe. This caused Chloe’s heart to stop beating. We did cpr, we opened her chest, and did everything we could, but her heart just wouldn’t restart for us. I’m sorry, but she passed away in our ER.” I was shocked. I was completely consumed with all sorts of emotions I never felt before, and hope I never feel again. I let out a wail, and began crying like a little baby. What was supposed to be the best day of my life turned into the worst day of my life. I was hoping to propose to Chloe, and now I find out she’s dead. I also began to feel guilty. “Why did I have to plan this stupid trip?!” “why couldn’t I drive the rest of the way?!” “we should’ve waited a little longer at the gas station!” were some of the thoughts consuming my mind.

I don’t know the end result of all this yet. I’m still gonna be in the hospital a few more days myself. I know the ER people reached out to both my family and Chloe’s family, but I have no clue when anyone’s gonna get here. Regardless of what’s to come, I’m glad you all listened and let me ramble a bit and talk this over. I hope you’re all having a much better day than me.

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