#I tagged this as spoilers so you aren’t allowed to be angry at me

[xeemaee]

Kabru just wants to stop the destruction of another dungeon town like his! He just wants to prevent other people from having the same fate as his mother! As himself! He just wants to do anything he can to prevent that! He cares so much about people and the world and humanity and what if I screamed about Kabru!

[calchexxis]

Cherry Wine: On Female Anger

First of all, if you haven’t read it here’s the rundown:

Seraphine is pursuing her own solo music career after the events of the ALL OUT K/DA tour, and has signed with Dynasty Records, but plateaus until her current manager is replaced with one Renata Glasc. With a reputation for burning out as many stars as she raises up, and with Seraphine’s subtle temper rising to the fore, the pair butt heads repeatedly before finding a mutual respect, and eventual romance.

If you’re into the K/DA-verse and want some Sugar Baby x Older Woman fic, this one might be for you, and as of today it is completed: Fic Link Here.

Now on to the retrospective. Some spoilers ahead.

It’s always kind of melancholy when I finish a longform fic and this one was literally novel-length. Renata/Seraphine is probably my crackiest crack ship, too, and it’s one that I literally created the tag for in AO3, so that’s another layer of feelings. With that said, Cherry Wine has been so much fun to write, and I can’t thank @moonwatcher13 enough for their own interest in it.

When I started writing Renata and Seraphine over in my Lightcannon series, Flashbangs & Frag Grenades, I hadn’t intended to spark a romance between the two, but the instant those two got on the page together, there was chemistry.

I realized that the ultimate core of both Seraphine and Renata, at least how I write them, is female anger. It’s a subject that’s almost taboo the world over. Women either aren’t allowed to be angry, or otherwise female anger is viewed with contempt or patronization. When I started writing Seraphine and Renata, I realized that these two characters were just...angry, They were so angry.

Seraphine was angry about inequality and the fact that hatred seems so much stronger than joy when it ought to be the other way around. Renata is just as angry about many of the same things, but that anger is tempered by her age. It’s turned cold and dark and bitter. Putting these two in the same room together was like a flashpoint for them both, where Seraphine’s bright fury reignited the cold embers of Renata’s heart, while Renata’s colder rage tempered Seraphine’s impulsiveness.

I saw so much of these two in each other, and it was really inspiring in terms of writing. Seraphine is often angry in Cherry Wine, but that anger isn’t necessarily destructive or irrational, and it feels like a lot of writers and even published authors sort of flounder when it comes to writing that. That’s what has felt so meaningful--if I had to choose a word--about writing Cherry Wine.

It feels like something that has something to say, and that appeals to me.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on the story now that it’s finally come to a close. I always have a lot of thoughts on my stories by the end, and I wanted to share some of them with you in a retrospective. Thank you for listening and reading, and as always,

Cheers.

[alieinthemorning]

The Stars’ Stigmata [Kaeya Alberich]

Content: Angst, Genshin Impact Chapter II: Omnipresence Over Mortals Act IV: Requiem of the Echoing Depths Spoilers

Pronouns: None

Header: @/1eternalstar on Twitter

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

Today was going to be a bad day. You could tell because of the stone in your stomach, and the constant tickle in your nose. So you spent all day bracing yourself, but miraculously it never came.

Until,

“Do not move, Kaeya.” You instructed as calmly as possible, making sure he was sitting before turning to lock the door.

Hopefully the Knights were preoccupied enough to not bother you during this time.

Archons, you knew today was going to be a bad day.

After locking the door, placing a chair underneath the knob for good measure, you returned to your beloved’s side.

“These aren’t the normal pains.”

He exhaled from his nostrils. “Correct… I feel the curse—ung!” He slammed a fist on his desk.

You grit your teeth as you watched him. Your nails digging into your palms as your anger consumed you. The curse from the gods. The same gods to bless you both with Visions.

How ironic.

How cruel.

“…there’s something aggravating about it—” He ripped his eye patch off.

You gasped. You didn’t mean to you, you’ve seen it before, but—The burn scar he had gained from the fight with Dilic was larger than before like a flower blooming in angry red that mixed with the deep blues and purples.

You were terrified for him. Tears welled in your eyes as you whispered.

“I’m sorry…”

But despite it all, he smiled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Regardless, of his kind words and that strained smile.

You knew that more bad days were to come.

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[sweetcloverheart]

Clover Rants Miraculously - Not About You (So why are you there?)

I think I’ve realized what it is that upsets/bothers me about a lot of Adrien’s plotlines/focus episodes in the recent seasons - they aren’t about him.

Like, I mentioned it before in another post, but it just seems like anytime Adrien should be the main focus of a plotline (or at least the driving force), the writers shove him aside to make one of the other characters do everything he should be doing or do it for him. Despite being Ladybug’s partner and the secondary protag, Adrien’s often an afterthought in a lot of the storylines at best, and mostly ends up collateral damage for everyone else’s schemes regarding them with little focus on how he’s being affected.

His dead mother, who’s loss has had a heavy effect on his childhood and affected his homelife - all about his father and his assistant’s grief/obsession over her and their desperate need to bring her back. Adrien’s given maybe one or two scenes to get a little sad at the loss or recollect life before Emilie died (or disappeared - they really should get settled on that), but ultimately we don’t get to have a good look at how it’s affected him. And when we do, it’s immediately sideswiped by the B-plot of the episode and never brought back to focus. The only episode I feel ever properly covered it was the Christmas Special - yes, the holiday musical episode was the only episode I feel properly tackled how Adrien is processing his mother’s “death”. Make of that as you will.

His breakup with Kagami, which was caused by him constantly having to lie to her in order to keep his superhero identity and activities a secret - immediately turned into how this can help Adrienette finally sail as Kagami immediately becomes part of the shipping crew despite have had just broken up with the dude (and over how she doesn’t consider him trustworthy no less - so it’s totes fine he put her friend Marinette through the same thing!). There’s no reflection on how he regrets making Kagami come to distrust him, or lamenting on how his job as a hero has hurt a relationship he had been coming to appreciate, or even mild resentment towards Plagg and his role as Chat Noir as he’s forced to face a legitimate emotional demerit with his superheroing that isn’t “Ladybug won’t date me” and realizes the freedom he craved from his alter ego comes with such a steep price tag. You’d at least think Adrien would be allowed to mourn over the end of his first relationship, right? Nope, instead, he immediately jumps back to mooning over Ladybug, as if that chapter with Kagami never happened. Best we get of any “aftermath” is Kagami glaring at him for a few episodes before “Risk” has her give him that blunt peptalk and admitting in S5 that the way he treats Marinette (now that he’s in love with her) is how she wished he’d treated her in their relationship (Which...not gonna lie, is kind of a bad look for him - especially with the whole “Oh yeah, Kagami’s in love with Adrien again” thing).

His status as an artificial magically made being - all about how his cousin is so angry at how little control he has over himself and from the abuse he suffered for it, and projected that resentment onto Adrien and his friends (Which makes everything that happened in “Felix” and “Strikeback”...super messy when you consider the new context). You’d think “Emotion” would have Felix revealing his cousin’s true origins to him in an effort to get him on his side, or Adrien learning the truth as an unintended byproduct of the Red Moon disaster and grappling with that - but instead of any of that, we get nothing. Adrien doesn’t even know/seem to realize the deeper why of Felix going so far as erasing every person in Paris except for himself and Kagami, or understand how it involves him (and if bible spoilers are taken to heart, it seems like he never will...), and instead is made to forgive his cousin for again upheaving his life/hurting his friends over his own personal trauma. Meanwhile, Gabe and Nathalie are fighting over his amoks like a pair of toddlers forced to share the tv remote, making it all about how they have conflicting ideas on what’s best for Adrien and his life when it should be about, you know - Adrien finding out his parents (and now Nathalie) basically puppet him when he doesn’t play “perfect son” and how he might feel about that!

His father being the main villain - all about how Marienette (and Nathalie, and Felix, and Emilie, and the Kwami) must keep his secret and allow the magical terrorist who has been terrorizing France a full year (or few months - seriously, the show needs to shore up its timeline) to die a hero in the eyes of his son, who has been the main victim of his father’s criminal activities what with the constant gaslighting and emotional abuse and using unfair punishments on him so he could create Akumas from his friends or keep him out of the way of his schemes. And it’s not even being done for Adrien’s sake, even though the leak claims it’d “break his heart” to know - nah, this is all for Gabriel, who must be remembered not as the terrible awful villain who manipulated children and once turned up at a young girl’s house to threaten her, but the poor, downtrodden soul who was forced into being a cackling supervillain because he seriously couldn’t be bothered to have his kwami make an akuma with super healing powers or something. Gabriel must have whatever he wants as our “pitiful grey villain” as a reward for his “struggles”, and if what he wants is for Adrien to only remember the (nonexistent mind you) “good times” he shared with his son, then that’s what he’ll be given - no matter how infantilizing and downright despicable it is to Adrien’s character to have every major person in his life that he trusts unquestionably deceive him over something he has every right to know as the main wounded party, even if he isn’t privy as to why and how he counts yet.

And yeah, I know - “Marinette’s the main protagonist” “It’s a girl’s show” etc, etc. The problem for me isn’t “Why isn’t Adrien, a boy, the main character of this girl power tvshow?” - it’s “Why isn’t Adrien, the deuteragonist and the main focus of these storylines, not actually the main focus of them?”, it’s “Why is Adrien, one of the two main characters, in these storylines if you aren’t actually going to have him do anything significant/important to move them forward, let alone resolve them?”, it’s “Why is Adrien, who’s father is the main antagonist, not being allow to confront him or learn this, and having this be presented as good for the character who has been the biggest victim of Gabemoth’s BS since day one!?”

[tarisilmarwen]

I posted 3,878 times in 2022

345 posts created (9%)

3,533 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gffa

@saint-ambrosef

@ilummoss

@jedi-order-apologist

@starbirdrising

I tagged 3,868 of my posts in 2022

#star wars - 2,082 posts

#star wars rebels - 1,118 posts

#spoilers - 613 posts

#gifs - 488 posts

#kenobi - 318 posts

#jedi fallen order - 307 posts

#disney - 255 posts

#rl stuff - 246 posts

#gamer girl ramblings - 234 posts

#big hero 6 - 222 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#begging internet discourses to please learn the difference between corporatism consumerism capitalism and plain old government interference

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I just had a random thought: As long as a force-sensitive person's body is still present in the galaxy, their "presence" will remain with it until it is fully decomposed. This is why jedi burn their dead, so that their friends can live on in the force instead of decaying alongside their physical bodies. The Empire preserved Luminara's corpse because they knew that other jedi would sense her presence clinging to her body, therefore come to rescue her because they would think she was still alive.

That makes... a horrible amount of sense ghghghkgdhs.

1,088 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

#4

It’s just a throwaway line and yet it punched me in the chest.

Taxation of the Outer Rim.

That Bail mentions it here, some twenty-two in-universe years after the crawltext of The Phantom Menace mentioned it was a thing, means the reason Naboo was blockaded, the reason the Neimoidian Trade Federation decided to ally with Sidious and set off the chain of events that would lead the Clone Wars, the motive behind the inciting incident for the whole of the Star Wars saga...

STILL ISN’T FIXED.

Because Palpatine was never actually interested in fixing the problems with the Republic, just exploiting and exacerbating them in order to gain power for himself.

And boy if that isn’t Relevant™ and also heartbreaking.

1,199 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#3

Another thing I’m loving is the re-emphasis on the fact that the Dark Side, for most people, is misery and pain.

Wallowing in your own and then turning it outwards and inflicting it on others.  Because if I’m not happy you sure as hell aren’t allowed to be happy!  The need to drag down someone else in the Light, twist them, corrupt them, make them as miserable and angry as you are because at least then you’re not alone, except you ARE alone because the Dark Side poisons every positive relationship you could ever have and makes you incapable of relating to people in a normal fashion, makes you obsessed, makes you cling to, makes you attached to the idea of this person and how they can make you feel.  Makes you selfish to the point where you don’t even care and you’ve lost your empathy.

It’s a downward spiral of abuse and a cycle of revenge and loathing yourself and desperately searching for any kind of self-worth to define yourself by and scrabbling after more and more power because if you just have a little bit more, it might make things all better.

The Dark Side is empty misery and it will not satisfy.

1,303 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#2

Right, so, to illustrate my point as succinctly as I can...

This is attachment:

Ezra leaning hard into the Dark Side, grasping for just a shred more power, more control, in order to prevent anything bad from ever possibly happening to his friends again, out of the guilt and self-blame he feels, and want to spare himself from.

See the full post

1,637 notes - Posted February 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I can’t get over the continued thematic follow-through of this idea that Jedi aren’t truly Jedi unless they’re standing up in defense of the innocent and helpless, they have to be active in the galaxy, they have to spread kindness and compassion wherever they go, it’s an uncontrollable urge, it’s an itch, “They cannot help it.“

And also the idea that it’s FORCE ITSELF that is whispering to them, calling them back, calling them home, telling them to take up their swords again, reach out in faith and find that the Light never left you, it’s still inside you and it needs you because the galaxy is so so dark and bleak and hopeless and there’s so much evil everywhere and the galaxy needs them to stand up and step out of the shadows and into the light so that they can reignite people’s hope.

It’s the pauses of awe and wonder in even the most miserable and selfish of underworld denizens because that’s a Jedi, the Jedi are back, the Jedi are here, everything will be okay now.

It’s F knighting herself, cutting her own padawan braid and proudly declaring she is a Jedi to save a frightened exploited village bride.

It’s Kanan igniting his saber for the first time in years to protect his future padawan and a clutch of Wookie slaves and the rattled composure in the Imperials when they realize, “Holy shit that’s a Jedi.“

It’s Cal and Cere deciding they were done hiding, done running from the Empire, they were going to fight back, and Saw gleefully pointing to them to inspire his band of Rebels.

It’s Obi-Wan unburying his lightsaber even after being so hopeless and broken and full of guilt and self-blame because people still need him, he’s the only one they can trust.

The whole Dark Times as a sloooooowly turning eucatastrophe, tiny lights of hope struggling to hold back the darkness long enough.  Holding out.  Buying time until the twin suns can rise.  Until Luke and Leia and the destruction of the Death Star and the death of the Emperor and the glorious return of light to the galaxy.

I love it.

5,005 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[erule]

The Multiverse of Thieves, part 2 | p.p.

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader, Nathan Drake x reader (not a love triangle)

Summary: you and Peter are going undercover during a mission. Everything is going well, until you get through a Portal by chance and meet another version of Peter.

Warnings: spoilers from the Uncharted trailer, established relationship, comedy, plot twist, Peter/Nate/Reader are 18+, a lil bit of violence (fighting, mention of blood, guns), angst

A/N: here’s part 2!! I hope that Nathan is not too different/strange from the videogame, but since I haven’t played it, I don’t know if I gave him justice. Feedback is always appreciated by a writer! Tell me if you wanna be tagged in part 3. Hope you like it :)

Read part 1 here!

You’d think he would be the one astonished, while you’d be excited to have crossed a Portal, but truth is: it’s the other way around. He’s looking at you with a wide smile on his face, while you’re thinking that Cap will scold the hell out of you when you’ll come back. You’re not a kid anymore, but it seems like Cap loves to think that you still are. Anyway, Nathan, who really reminds you of Peter for his appearance, is now looking at his maps.

“So, you said you’re from New York? Where was the Portal?”

“Do you really believe me? A stranger that was in your bed randomly?”

“It’s not the first weird thing that happened to me,” he replies with a crooked smile. “Anyway, we’re in New Orleans now. This means that we have to reach New York in order to find the Portal. We can’t meet the Avengers, though. They can’t recognize you, because in theory, your other version lives there”.

“I watched Back to the Future, I already know the rules, Sherlock,” you say, more angry at the situation than him.

He raises his hands in front of his chest as an apology: “Sorry, didn’t want to offend you”.

You stand up from the bed, sighing.

“I’m not mad at you, Nathan. It’s just… I had this beautiful dinner reserved at my favourite restaurant and I really hoped to spend the night with my boyfriend,” you say.

“I see. How’s he? Tell me about him,” he replies, while taking some supplies for the trip. “Peter, right?”

“Yeah. He’s very cute and goofy and sweet. You’d like him. Everybody loves Peter,” you say. “He’s a really good guy”.

“There aren’t good guys anymore. You should keep him,” Nathan says.

“You look like them”.

He turns in order to look at you. He’s scanning your face as if he wants to find out that you’re actually lying, but you’re not. A corner of his lips raises up.

“We should go,” he says.

You’re asking yourself if Peter’s looking for you. Probably, he’s annoying Doctor Strange by now, asking him a lot of questions about Portals and time travels. Maybe even Cap is worried about you, even if sometimes he doesn’t really care about you. Since he’s become the chief of the Avengers, he always seems so concerned about everything. Once, the two of you were really good friends. He even helped you to get with Peter, some time ago. Now he’s always so busy even to talk together just for a while. You wonder if your relationship with him is different in this universe. If he seems like your big brother. If you’re with Peter. If you’re an Avenger.

“I can hear the noise of your thoughts, Y/N,” Nathan says. He’s sitting next to you on the airplane. He offers you one of his earphones. “Come on, listen to some music with me”.

You accept the offer.

“I can alredy say that your taste in music is awful. You should listen to Taylor Swift,” you say, one song later.

“You’re so annoying,” he says, rolling his eyes, but then he allows you to pick the next song.

The two of you spend the rest of the flight talking. He’s a very interesting person, so it surprises you that he wants to know about your life and your missions with the Avengers. They’re not so exciting, you think. The most exciting thing, for you, is that you get to share them with Peter. He’s actually the reason why you became an Avenger in the first place. To spend your time with him.

“So, uhm, this Peter guy,” he says, while taking the luggage in the airport, “he seems very cute”.

“You look like you’re trying to be my big brother,” you chuckle. “Don’t worry there’s already Cap for that. He approves,” you say.

“Does he really know him?” He asks you. You stop exactly out of the airport, confused.

“What do you mean?”

Nathan notices that you stopped and he does it too.

“Nothing. It’s just that… maybe things are not always as they seem,” he says.

You open your mouth to reply, but this happens before someone shouts Nathan’s name. You turn around and you see two men with a gun, following him.

“Nathan, what’s happening?”

“Run!”

He takes your hand, leaving the luggage. Your mind becomes blurry, you don’t even remember about New York’s streets anymore. For a moment, you’re scared as never before. So you try to think about something that could help you concentrate. You look up, hoping to see Peter on patrol, but he’s not there. How could he be? And then, something pops up in your mind: if Nathan has got Peter’s face, do the Avengers actually exist in this world?

Nathan takes you behind a building. He’s trying to catch his breath, hands on his knees. You look at him with disgust, while taking a few steps back from him. He looks at you, confused.

“What are you doing? They could see us,” he says, out of breath.

“You lied to me,” you affirm.

“What?” He asks, furrowing his brows. He looks so much like Peter now, but he’s not him for sure. Peter would never do that to you.

“The speech about the good guys and all of that… it was all a lie, right? You’re not just an archeologist who likes treasures. You steal them,” you spit out. He looks pale, now. “Do the Avengers even exist in this world?” You find yourself screaming. “Cap? Iron Man? Anyone?”

“Y/N, please, calm down…” he says, trying to take your hand, but you take another step back. “Don’t touch me. You didn’t believe me just for fun, you wanted a way out. Where you thinking of coming with me through the Portal? You’re not gonna do that, Nate. Not on my watch,” you say.

“Y/N, I’m sorry, but I… if you’d know…”

“Drake!” Somebody screams.

You look behind you, only to see one of the two men with the gun pointed at you. You jump on your left just a moment before he could catch you. Nathan wasn’t so fast, though. One of his legs is bleeding. Even if a part of you just wants to live him there, you’re still an Avenger and this means that you have to protect him.

“Go,” you tell him, taking the knuckledusters that Nat gifted you for your birthday. “I may not be the Black Widow, but Nat taught me pretty well. Meet me at the museum. We’ll find the Portal!” You say.

Then you take a dustbin lid to use it as a shield. You throw it against one of them. It’s like Cap taught you: one breath, one punch, one breath, one kick. If you’d be a witch like Wanda, you would have already finished, but no, you had to be human, of course. And then they say that being an Avenger is supposed to be fun.

You take the gun from the guy and you throw it away. You can hear the sirens of the police cars getting close. When you turn around, you notice that somehow Nathan has disappeared. You hope to find him at the museum. That’s when a punch makes you fall on the ground.

“I thought that your boyfriend had already let you die once. I guess I’m gonna have to kill you again, then,” he says, loading the gun.

Boyfriend? Is he talking about Peter?

Too late for them, though: the police is here. They’re quick to arrest them, but you’re faster than them, so luckily, two minutes later you’re already running away.

Your ribs hurt and so is your chest. You stole a hat from a guy in order to enter in the museum without getting recognized. You don’t how Nate could have cured his wound, but you don’t really care right now. You just want to go home and hug Peter. You see the place in which he was before the Portal ate you alive and almost feel the urge to cry.

You take a deep breath. When things are difficult, you always have to remember than you’re stronger than what you think you are. So you look around, but you don’t see the Portal, nor Nate anyway. That’s odd. How did you end up here in the first place? Who opened the Portal?

“Y/N?” Somebody asks you. Nate looks very tired. “I’m glad you’re okay”.

“Nate, maybe I should call an ambulance,” you say, while holding onto his arm. “Please, let me help you”.

“I’m running out of time, Y/N,” he says. He takes you somewhere private, when other people can barely see the two of you, hidden by a wall.

“The police arrested them, Nate. You’re safe now,” you say, with a smile. “Probably they found your treasure, though”.

“Don’t think about that. I owe you an explanation, Y/N. I lied to you. I knew who you were, because I met you. Well, I met this universe’s version of you,” he says.

He’s on the verge of crying, now. You can see it in his face, in his glossy eyes and in his sense of guilt. His expression is of pure pain, but also full of affection, maybe for your other self. It’s the same look that Peter gives you when he tells you he loves you. Can two different people look at the you in the same exact way? Is there just one way to look at the person you love?

Wait. Does that mean that Nathan has feelings for you?

“Nate…”

“You died, Y/N. I’m sorry. I never had the chance to tell you this, but I’m truly sorry,” he says. “We were partners. Last time, something went wrong and you died. I couldn’t help you. I kept the treasure, because it was an engagement ring. Now, I’d like to give it to you,” he explains. Then, he takes a ring from his pocket and hands it over to you. “Marry Peter, one day. He’s a good guy,” he says.

You try to talk, but turns out, the police followed you and now they’re here. Time’s over. So you take the ring, smiling at him.

“I forgive you, Nate,” you say, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Tell Peter I say hi,” he replies, pointing at something behind you. You turn around and you see that a Portal is opening in the middle of the room.

“I’m not gonna leave you here,” you say.

“Does it look like it’s your choice?” He asks you. Then, he pushes you over, where the police can see you.

You start running, while one of them is following you. You don’t look back, you don’t have the time to, but you bet that Nate’s looking at you.

You jump into the Portal a moment before it closes.

***

When you open your eyes, you find yourself in the Avengers’ Tower. You stand up, still holding the ring in your hand. Cap, Strange and Peter are talking in front of you. Cap seems really sad and concerned, while Peter’s trying to find a solution with Strange. Peter’s almost screaming, when Strange suddenly turns around and sees you.

“Y/N?” Strange calls you.

Peter immediately runs towards you. He hugs you, holding you so tight you almost can’t breathe. Your ribs still hurt, but you don’t want Peter to know. You want to live this moment completely. You’ve missed this. You give him a sweet kiss on the lips, caressing his cheeks with both of your hands. You’re wearing the ring on your finger and he notices it.

“Did you get married or something?” He asks you, confused.

“Something,” you shrug with a smile. “I’m gonna tell you everything tomorrow. Now I just want to sleep. And cuddle, maybe,” you say.

“Of course,” he says, kissing you.

But you can’t sleep. You wake up in the middle of the night. Peter’s sleeping next to you in the bed, peacefully. You’re still wearing the ring that Nathan has given to you. You have to know if he’s alright. So you go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water, thinking about a plan to come back, but you find Cap there.

“Cap?”

He looks at you.

“You know, I haven’t really understood why you started calling me like that. Before I became the chief, I was just Steve to you,” he says, while pouring some water in a glass for you.

You swallow.

“I’m not gonna talk to you about this now”.

“I think we should, Y/N,” he says, firmly.

“Y/N?” It’s Peter’s voice. You turn around, astonished. This can’t be happening. Not again. Next to each side of Peter there’s someone: Strange on his left and you on his right, with a gun pointed at Peter’s back. At least, another version of you. “Maybe it’s time you explain to us what happened back there” Peter says.  

“And please, be quick,” Strange adds.

[fletchingsandstars]

Ummm... How do you think Ollie could influence Jason or his opinion on the whole hero thing? (About that rant you posted in the tags)

(I was always kinda interested in it but I don't know Ollie's character enough. Feel free to ignore)

I'm sorry this took so long! Life really got in the way this week!

Ok so big question! I have a lot of thoughts on this so I’ll try not to go off on too many tangents. Also if you’d like some Ollie comic recs, I’d be more than happy to give them!

Also before I begin, I’m writing a fic on this premise so if you don’t want some spoilers, don’t read this post. I’ve also been thinking about how Jason and Ollie connect mostly in regards to the fic I’m writing, which has Under the Red Hood Jason and pulls mostly from the Grell run and the Quiver storyline for Ollie, so those are the characterizations I’m going to be referring to.

SO

Let’s start with why I think Ollie and Jason would work together. Ollie and Jason are both characters who are known for and, at times, defined by their anger. Ollie is a leftist who uses hero work mostly to protect people who aren’t being protected by law enforcement, such as sex workers and the homeless. Jason came back from the dead to find that no one he knew in life seemed to miss him and his life didn't seem to matter to anyone and he became angry. While they have different motivations for being angry, I find it interesting that anger is an important emotion for both of them. Jason and Ollie also tend to handle their anger in similar ways, with lots of outbursts and vigilante work. They also tend to work toward similar goals. Ollie wants to help lower class people and people who are frequently ignored by the justice system, while Jason wants to help protect kid from the drug trade, as shown in UtRH, and to some extent help the Bowery. Ollie is an older hero who has been doing this for a lot longer than Jason has and focuses more on areas of hero work that Jason is interested in as Red Hood but clearly would not have had experience with as Robin.

Ollie is one of few characters who is shown to stand up to Bruce with some frequency. As shown in this post, Ollie will defend Bruce’s kids and treats them like people before like sidekicks. A lot of moments when Ollie is arguing with Bruce are meant to portray Ollie as argumentative and hot headed, all of which I think is interesting to parallel with how Jason has been treated for disagreeing with Bruce's methods. I think it could do Jason a lot of good to connect with both heroes who don't necessarily see eye to eye with Bruce, and also to connect with heroes who aren't in Gotham and do hero work differently. As I've said before, the bat kids do a lot better when they are allowed to connect with people outside of the bat circle and grow as a person separate from Bruce. I also think that Jason's character is constantly nerfed in favor of showing Bruce in a better light and having Jason connect with a hero who understands his actions and tries to meet him on his level would actually be a boost for Jason. The post linked above includes a panel from that comic where Jason kidnaps Mia Dearden and blows up her high school gym. (Don't really like this plot but anyway.) Even though Jason has kidnapped Mia and Bruce and Ollie are trying to track him down to make sure he doesn't hurt her, Ollie still shows a lot of concern for Jason and what he's going through. Even thought Jason has taken Mia and blew up a building, Ollie is still thinking about Jason as a person who needs to be talked to and understood rather than a villain who needs to be conquered. This, to me, shows that Ollie would make an effort to connect with Jason and understands him.

For a more specific point of connection, Ollie is another vigilante who has died and come back. It wasn’t the same as Jason’s resurrection, since he was put back together atom but atom by Spector Hal and had to go to heaven to get his soul back, but that’s still an experience that not many people could relate to. Ollie is also a vigilante who has killed people. He hasn’t killed on the scale Jason has, but that still sticks out to me, especially since DC has a pretty strict code that their heroes don’t kill. Ollie has killed out of anger, revenge, or to protect someone, which is similar to Jason, who kills because of his anger over it not seeming like he was remembered or cared about, revenge for being killed, or to protect the people and kids in the parts of Gotham Bruce ignores. Again, they're not really the same reasons, especially with a lot of Jason's characterization after UtRH, but I find it interesting that comparisons can be made between them and why they've made the choice to kill. I also think it would be very interesting to have Jason connect with someone who has killed for similar motivations but is still considered a hero and is welcomed by the other heroes.

Related to that point, Ollie and his family are also friends with assassins and people who have killed or really wouldn’t be welcome by other heroes. People such as Eddie Fyers, Shado, and Jade all have close relationships with members of the Arrowfam and show up pretty frequently in their storylines. They’re invited to weddings, they're offered help and haven by the Arrows, and, in Jade's case, she is allowed and encouraged to be a large part of Lian's life. These characters are recurring, and they are shown to have established trust with the Arrowfam. So while Jason is a killer who has committed some truly heinous acts, I really don't think that it would be all that big a barrier in Ollie fostering a relationship with him.

So this is a very long explanation to say that I think Ollie would understand Jason a lot more than the majority of other heroes, and if Jason and Ollie were given the opportunity to actually connect, I think it would work out well for Jason. Jason is a very lonely character. He doesn't have many friends, especially not ones who he's had for as long as other characters, and the only people he has to reconnect with when he comes back from the dead are the bats, who have very different world views from him at that point. Ollie, on the other hand, operates very differently and I think he could really do a lot for showing Jason that you don't have to follow Batman's rules to be a hero or to do the right thing. This isn't to say I think Ollie would whole heartedly endorse Jason's whole "Red Hood Reign of Terror" thing, but I think Ollie could be a positive influence in showing Jason how to be a street level vigilante, especially since they tend to focus on similar areas. Ollie could really help Jason become a hero in his own right rather than a character who keeps flipping between outright villain and vague anti-hero.

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Just some thoughts revolving around Kotetsu, Barnaby, Karina, and Ryan. This is a bit ranty, and I won’t be tagging it (and would wish for it not to be tagged by others). But do feel free to comment on it if you would like. There is a vague spoiler warning! And it is also a bit long, so I’ll put this under a Read More too.

Something I find really odd is how there are some people who are baffled why some fans aren’t 100% behind the idea of Karina and Ryan as a romantic pairing. Personally, I do ship them together. I absolutely love their dynamic. But I can totally understand why some people may be hesitant about the pairing and may view it differently from Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship (which does have a large age gap).

Barnaby was nearly 24 years old when he met Kotetsu and was an adult for a few years by then. If we go with the usual school ages, he would have been done and out of college for about 2 or so years and be a fully fledged working adult, in every sense of the word, with a fully developed brain and etc. when his and Kotetsu’s relationship really started to bloom.

Karina is still just barely out of high school (very likely 19 in S2) and Ryan’s age is unknown, just vaguely “younger than Barnaby.” So that leaves him with a large range (between 20 - 27 - since he could be just a few months younger than Barnaby). I personally get a younger 20s vibe from Ryan and am sticking with that age for him, and therefore have no issues with Karina and Ryan as a romantic pairing. But others need that certainty and clarity of his age before they can ship him and Karina, and I think that is totally fine.

Especially because an age gap between a young person who has just barely entered into adulthood and a fully fledged adult in their mid or late 20s involves two people who are in two very different stages of life. Kotetsu and Barnaby met when they were in similar life stages. What people want out of relationships (generally speaking) at different ages and stages of life tend to change. Usually in situations like this, it isn’t the age gap itself (or how big it is), but rather when the age gap falls. For Kotetsu and Barnaby this isn’t an issue, they are in a similar stage of life in that regard. But with Ryan and Karina, they may not be. This is not made 100% clear in the series, so some fans may not be okay with that. And that’s fine.

For me, currently, I don’t have an issue with a Karina and Ryan pairing, but I can understand why some might, and that is totally valid and okay. People should be allowed to voice if a pairing doesn’t work for them, especially because I haven’t seen any fans getting nasty or angry or anything with people who do ship Karina and Ryan (such as myself). Just a nope for the ship itself. I’ve mostly seen fans of the Karina and Ryan ship being overly defensive and a bit nasty to those whose views differ instead and don’t really gel with that. This has mostly been over on Twitter, and I’ve blocked those individuals, but yeah. I’ve just been thinking about this for a bit and wanted to get my thoughts up about it here. 

Also, this still doesn’t change the fact that T&B is still one of the most mature and chill fandoms I’ve ever been in. I really do love this fandom! <3

[concealeddarkness13]

New Lore that Came with a New Story Idea!

Content warning for blood and death. Yes, I have another new story idea, but it my defense, it was started with this post, and I now have huge lore for my whole universe! Here’s the story this information ties into, and here’s the lore I already have for this universe! Tagging: @ratracechronicler (also thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you!), @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, and @onmywaytobe!

Ok, I don’t even know where to begin. So, I guess, from basically the beginning of life in this universe. Sorry, this will probably be long. 

So, there are basically gods, but they’re called Variants (because I like naming things differently, and there might be some reason for that later on), but they aren’t around yet. Well, except for the first Variant, called Primary. They aren’t like the other Variants, but they’re cool! They got lonely being alone in a universe with lifeless planets, so they somehow cut themself so they could bleed on every planet and create life, basically. After all that, they were cut and hurt, and they realized that they were going to shatter soon, and if they shattered, all the life they created would be destroyed (maybe the whole universe too). So, they used some of their remaining powers to basically tie themself up in a way that didn’t allow them to shatter, and to hide themself in a black hole, never to be seen again, since no one could go into the black hole and escape.

As life flourished, sentient life finally came about, and with it, the Variants started showing up. They came when sentient life placed certain values on things: such as death or emotions. (Yes there are Variants of death and of emotions, and I will mention the emotions Variant and talk much more about the death Variant.) They can influence individual people, but not whole species. They’re just around to give form to the things sentient species value. And some of the species probably do worship them as gods.

Big spoilers for the black hole story and just this universe in general under the cut.

First, I’ll talk about the black hole story and how it ties into the lore. There are some changes to this story: like the snake beings not being in the black hole anymore, and Strife not immediately getting sucked into a black hole. The black hole holds Primary. And this means that the snake beings aren’t causing the threat to planets, and I’m not sure if there is a substantial threat at the present moment in my WIPs, so a lot of that is changed too. Sorry. There might be something, but I haven’t figured it out yet.

But ok. The black hole story starts out with Kirsa, Evander, Aspen, and Blair. The government that takes people with powerful magic kills anyone they care about and tries to take them, but that doesn’t work, and they band together to fight against the government and change things. Guess what happens? They get captured and tortured brutally, and eventually, Kirsa breaks and gets angry and vows to destroy everyone involved with the government. And she does with her magic. 

When she releases her friends and they see the destruction and how angry she still is and how she wants to now destroy the whole world, they grab her and hold her, and when they can’t dissuade her, they have to bring her over to a group that is even more powerful and can hold powerful magic users safely. Instead, this group decides to capture all four of them as basically terrorists, and the group sends them into space each to a different star that was going to explode in about fifty years. They were sent in separate spaceships that kept them in a simulation that puts them in constant horrific situations, and they are fitted with a healing machine that keeps them alive. This machine is seen as a foreign object in the body, and it constantly gets rejected, but the machine heals the person before it can be rejected. But when the star explodes, the machine is supposed to be destroyed, and the person is supposed to die. But with these four’s strong magic, the healing machine actually did not get rejected, so when the stars exploded, they all kept the healing machine, and they all absorbed their star.

After all this, Kirsa still remembers everything, and she’s even angrier and more broken than before because of the years of torture. She finds herself swallowed by the black hole, and she finds Primary. Not exactly knowing what she’s doing, she grabs some of Primary’s power, which proves to be too much for her, and the power explodes from her, and that power was bad enough that it actually caused total extinction of the whole universe. Besides the immortal Variants and the stars (Kirsa, Evander, Aspen, and Blair). Most of the Variants decided to hide out in their pockets of space, away from the devastated planets with no life left. The stars were forced into stasis for thousands of years (this happened thousands to hundreds of thousands of years ago from present day), and when they woke up, they didn’t remember anything. Evander became Sacrifice. Blair became Mortem. Aspen became Entropy. And Kirsa became Strife. Strife is not so angry or broken, actually she’s a pretty calm person now.

But back to the extinction event. Most of the Variants just give up, but the Variant of death stays where she is. She laments all the death, and after a few thousand years, out of a compassion and hope for life to return, she figures out how to plant seeds of life on planets to let them grow life again. All these seeds just grow normal plants and animals and humans. She then creates the Celestials as protectors of the planets, since no one knows what caused the extinction event. She ties the Celestials to planets, with ten Celestials per planet. And she gives them the ability to give humans magic through their blood, and the ability to give the planet magic to allow other species to evolve to be sentient and have powers.

With life returning, the Variants also return, and in present day, they’re watching their creation with interest. I do think there might be some kind of threat to the planets beyond someone finding Primary and escaping the black hole and using their powers, but I’m not sure what that is yet. The Variant of Emotions totally loves anyone with high emotions, and they especially love Chess because of her variety of emotions and how she knows how to control them. 

The Variant of death just stays in her area, but I think there is a group who is trying to learn more about the Variants, and someone from that group will stumble upon her, and they’ll fall in love of course. 

And that’s about it! Thanks for reading!

[booksweet]

Expectations

starring: Gojo Satoru x fem!reader

Synopsis: what If your favorite character became real the moment you needed the most?

Warnings: fluffy, probably shibuya incident arc spoilers (not too much), grammar mistakes, both reader and Gojo are +18

Word count: 2k

A/N: hello! Here's me again bringing you the sequence of "Real" (please don't forget to read the first part, okay?). I was so glad you enjoyed chapter 1 that it turned out as a series and I can say I'm BEYOND happy!! Hope you like it 💛

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

tagging: @noritoshiikamo @iwaizumini

“So… Tell me about your powers,” she asks him when they stopped their tour through the city together. “Did they remain? Or you lost them when you came here?”

She knew she should’ve already spoken to him about this matter, yet she was scared of his answer, yet she frightened that if he got his powers, maybe he would go back to his world and let het behind. She would be all alone. Again.

Being alone all the time was tiresome, she had been tired for so long since her parents died, and she moved away from the town she was born and rose by them. After all this time without them, she got used to living alone, eating alone, existing all by herself, everything was so mechanical to her that she didn’t even notice how the way she was living affected her perceptions of her surroundings.

And then, he suddenly appeared. That night was marked inside her memories. She was fond of many things, reading her favourite manga above all, but if someone asked her what she expected getting from reading one, she would answer just some comfort and relief from stressful days, not her favourite character scaping from his world and popping up inside her room.

“Hey! Y/N? Are you even listening to me?” Satoru’s voice takes her out from her reveries, again she got lost on her own thoughts about him and what happened. Is it selfish not wanting you to go back there?

“Sorry” She apologizes with a shy smile, his eyes hidden with sunglasses probably focused on her. “What were you saying?”

“You are a little absent-minded, aren’t you?” His voice in an amused tone makes you release a loud laugh that make he smile eye-to-eye. “I was saying that my powers are still here with me…” He repeats as he takes you by your hand walking somewhere else, his slightly narrow when he sees something that caught up his interest. “Is that… Ice cream?”

By his answer to her question, her heart flickers a little. He could do anything he wanted; he was the strongest above all. Why wouldn’t he just go back to his world? Why would he still be here with you? Your mind going whirlwind with a thousand questions unanswered.

“You lost it,” He says once more, now with her favourite ice cream flavour in one extended hand as a signal to give it to her. “Again. Am I that much a bad company that you can’t concentrate on our date?” He fakes a heartbroken and sad tone seeming like a boy who was crying over his first love.

“Satoru, what?! No! And this is not a date!” She did get lost in thoughts again, but hell no, this wasn’t a date. “Don’t you dare smile like this to me, don’t you dare, Satoru Gojo!” Her flustered tone mixed up with an angry one as a cocky smirk grew upon his face.

“Whaat? Me? Smiling?” He walks closer to her, his height almost towering over hers, and when their faces where almost touching each other, the smell of ice cream surrounding them when he says “How? Smiling like this?”

She could’ve fainted right there, yes, she could. One could say she was almost having a heart attack the faster her heart was beating and that idiot in front her knew how much he affected her, and, for God’s sake, he was doing it way to good not to care. Still, she wouldn’t give up to him so easily.

“As you said…” She started stepping back and eating her own ice cream. “Your powers still remain, so how does it feel?”

“Little one…” He begins to say, but he seems to reconsider his words while looking at her face. “I can feel everything. I can see everything and nothing at the same time. The beginning and the ending. Infinity and beyond.”

She remained silent by his side, waiting for him to continue whatever he was thinking about to speak of. She couldn’t imagine how heavy must be the burden of carrying power like his, powers that were both a blessing and a curse.

“Your world does have curse energy like mine,” He finally continue his line of thought. “Even though it doesn’t change into spirits or something more tangible to exorcize. I still don’t get how you get rid of it here, it’s a mystery.”

“And…” He suddenly stops, narrowing his eyebrows in a confused expression, it was like he realized something he didn’t know how to explain to her.

“And?” You give his arm a soft touch, without words saying to him I am here, you can say whatever is on your mind.

“And” He eyes at her so deeply you imagine if he could reach her soul, his hand placed above hers. “I can see you. Your everything. I can sense your presence, your heartbeat like it is my own. Is it strange? Is it strange that I feel you like you are a part of me, and I am a part of you?” He holds her hand tighter. “Is it strange that when we hold hands everything seems right again? Is it strange that-“

All at once he lets go of her hand. She gives him a strange look, What’s wrong? Was what she as thinking. Goosebumps running through her body, wild butterflies flying on her stomach made her lips dry of nervousness. I feel you like you are a part of me, and I am a part of you. Everything seems right. He must be kidding, no one never…

“Gojo,” She says when she can catch her breath again, his eyes never leaving her face. “You shouldn’t play with things like this.” She pinches her nose, feeling her face warmer and warmer each second. “We must go, there are other places I want to show you.”

“But, Y/N,” He tries to say, she could feel melancholy following his words. I don’t want to hear, I don’t.

“Let’s go, Satoru Gojo,” she fakes a smile and an excited tone. “There’s more of my world that those pretty eyes of yours have never seen.”

They went through many of her favourite places such as the park, that café closer to her loved library, she showed him her favourite restaurant, the places she was used to go when feeling unwell with herself. And there was this moment, this specifically moment, that his eye’s light changed.

The way her hair flipped towards the wind, the way her smell invaded his nostrils, the way he was just all eyes only to hers. Every little detail unmissed to him. Despite their last conversation ending, he’s been constantly aware of her, of how she makes him feel in this odd world. He didn’t lie when he said all those words, he meant each one of them, but he was still wondering why she dismissed him that way. He was afraid that fright would make her run away from him again.

“Hey, you enjoyed our stroll today?” She was resting peacefully on her place’s couch, head laid softly on a cushion and eyes looking at him eagerly. He felt she was still fluttering because of what happened between them before, and he wanted so bad to stop that growing unease feeling his mind twisted every second.

“You don’t know how” He says with a genuine smile, knowing more of you, of how you lived, and your habits makes him avid to get closer and closer to you. His keen voice loud when he laughs “I’ve never though of not trying to defeat monsters and curses while eating a good, sweet cake or ice cream and…”

“And?”

“You can say I’m a good partner, can’t you?” His keen smile turning into a cocky and teasing one. “Afterall, how could I not try my best having such a beautiful lady by my side?”

“You-“She starts, but the growing reddish upon her nose and cheeks reports how nervous she gets when he talks like this, how he teases her and her blood runs wild through her veins. “You know it wasn’t a date, Satoru!” Placing a hand in front of her pretty face to hide whatever her expression could speak for her that moment. “And yes, you’re also a good companion, I can say that.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Satoru’s voice wakes her up from her dreams late that night, she was on the couch covered with her bedsheets. Did he picked them and then covered me up? Her heart bounced inside her chest and she felt her hands damp with sweat with that thought of him caring about her.

“Uh… What time…?” She opens her eyelids slowly, yawning hard as she stretches herself to wake her body. By the time she catches the sight of him, he’s sitting down right on the ground in front of her, his hands towering over her legs like he wanted to touch her but is not allowed to.

“Can I show you something?” His voice says nothing to her, no opens to reveal his feelings behind his tone. Suddenly, she feels cold running over her body. She nods slowly to him. “Do you trust me?” Again, another movement of her head. “Little one… I need to hear your voice.” His bare eyes stare at her fondly, she will never understand why he does this to her. Doesn’t he know that he will break my heart?

“Yes, Satoru, I trust you.” Her voice is hoarse from sleep, but this is all he needs to place one arm underneath her legs and the other on her back to carry her bridal-way. “Wh-what?! This is really necessary?”

“Hold on, I got you” His thumb moving around the bottom of her back, his movements, and the feeling of his warm body closer to hers making her relax. “I’ll show you something, breath and don’t scream”

And suddenly they weren’t at her living room, but at the rooftop of some skyscraper. So high she could feel her sight twisting.

“Hey, hey…” His muffled voice was calm against her ears, his soft grip tightening a little in reassurance of her safety. “I’m here, I’m here, it’s okay.”

“F-fuck! Why? Why are we here?”

“I need to show you” His tone didn’t hide he was nervous, worried about something. “Please close your eyes.”

As she does what he requested, his arm on her back loosen his grip and a hint of panic stars to grow inside her. I’m going to…

“You are not going to fall. I will never let something bad happen to you.” His voice is bold and so sure-footed that she decides not to complain, even thought she knew that it wouldn’t be their reality sooner when he’ll get back to his world. His fingers gently touching her eyes and she feels something changing in the air. The air around them shaking and heavy. His powers…

“Open your eyes, Y/N, please.”

As she opens her eyes, she knew something was different. In front of her there was still the night city, above her the skies. But she could see energy, colourful energy arising from each place she could catch a sight. “What- WHAT?” She screamed in disbelief. “What did you do to me?!”

He bit his lips in a worried expression. “I did nothing. I had this theory but…” He couldn’t look at her anymore, it was painful. “I just managed to unlock your own cursed energy, I don’t know how, I had these feeling and it just…”

They remained in silence for what seemed like hours, even though night were still ruling hard the skies up them. Their bodies close to each other, their warm protecting them from that cold night, from that scary truth. What the hell I am?

“Y/N”

“Uh. What?”

“I need your help to get back to my world. I need your help to get back to my students. You do know what happened to them after my arrive, don’t you?”

main navi | masterlist

[darling-i-read-it]

Hassun

2x03

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2k 

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, mental health problems, jail, dead bodies

Author’s Note: It is 2am. Second wrench has been thrown. 

I used some direct quotes from the script so some things may seem familiar 

Official Episode Summary : As Will's trial begins, his colleagues have to pick a side. The case takes a chilling turn when someone starts recreating the crimes he's accused of.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List: @llperfectsymmetryll​

(not my gif) 

@/theladyaysha made most of these gifs

You stared in the mirror of your home. Your hair wasn’t working with you but with the music in the bathroom you felt a sense of calm. You fixed the bracelet you were wearing and adjusted the jacket you had put on over one of your more formal dresses.

Hannibal looked in his mirror, buttoning up his shirt. This was a day he had presented himself to attend for a while. Although he wasn’t quite sure how it would turn out he was prepared for it. Perhaps.

Will had to look at the bars in his cell and hope that his tie was on correctly. You did his ties and he had never actually properly learned. But he was more worried about how the day was going to go. 

The three of you took a deep breath at seemingly the same time in three different places. 

-

The courtroom was cold. You walked inside and caught the eye of Hannibal who had an empty seat beside him. You wanted to sit next to Alana or someone but you couldn't’ see her. You just didn’t want to sit alone. 

You weren’t sure if it was appropriate but you walked over to him and sat down wordlessly. Hannibal glanced at you but you just held your clutch in your lap, looking forward. You could feel Hannibal look over at you.

“I hope you don't' mind,” you whispered. He shook his head.

“I understand.” 

One of the side doors opened and Will walked in. His eyes looked elsewhere and you wouldn’t blame him if he was off fishing somewhere. He caught your eye and Hannibal’s. He gave you no emotion but you gave him a small reassuring smile. 

  By the time the trail began you were already on edge. Hearing words come out of a ladies mouth, speaking the worst of your boyfriend was something you never imagined you’d do. 

Eventually Jack came out and you leaned against Hannibal, almost involuntarily. Hannibal turned to you a bit but didn’t say anything, perhaps just reading your emotions. 

“Rather than being tormented by the work he did, Will Graham enjoyed the cover his role at the FBI gave him to commit his terrible crimes,” Marion Vega, the lawyer said to the courtroom. You tensed but Will didn’t seem to react. Granted you couldn’t really see his face.

“I don’t believe that to be true,” Jack said. You raised an eyebrow. You turned to Hannibal and he looked equally surprised. 

“Did Jack just say something...sane?” you whispered so only he could hear. Hannibal scoffed quietly.

“Agent Crawford?” Vega asked. 

“Will hated every second of the work. Didn’t fake that. His girlfriend harped on me for weeks and continues to do so. She didn’t fake that. He hated it and I kept making him do it,” Jack stated. You nodded, agreeing despite no one looking at you. 

“Why then, when you gave him the opportunity to quit, did he refuse?” she asked.

“Because he was saving lives. I was warned by more than one person if I pushed Will, I would break him. I put checks and balances in place, then ignored them. And here we are.” You were astonished. 

“Looks like he did hear you,” Hannibal muttered. 

After Jack stepped down everyone started to file out. You weren’t sure if you were allowed to talk to Will but when his lawyer ushered you over you came happily. 

“Leonard Brauer, you’re the girlfriend yes?” 

“Last I checked.”

“She’s the girlfriend,” Will said, rather stoically. 

“I want you to be prepared to testify. I don’t have you on right now but I’m hoping to get you in to testify for character,” he said. You nodded quickly.

“Anything I can do. I’m working with Alana as best I can,” you said honestly and Brauer nodded as well. 

“That’s much appreciated.” You turned to Will and he met your eyes. You gave him a kind smile.

“I like your hair,” you said. He laughed quietly.

“Thanks. I like your dress.” 

“Thank you.” 

Brauer got handed a package and he started to open it. He dumped it out on the table as you and Will stared at each other and an ear fell out. You were barely surprised.

“You know, if I had a dollar for everytime I saw a severed ear…” you said quietly. 

-

The ear laid in front of you. You were standing beside Hannibal, Bev, Price, Zeller and Jack who all were looking at the ear curiously. 

“One thing’s for sure. Will Graham didn’t do it,” Beverly said. You nodded although no one expected anything else. 

“Although, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Zeller said. You let out a stiff sigh and Hannibal nudged you a little.

“The timing is deliberate, choreographed to drop the ear at the start of Will’s trail,” Jack observed.

“Such a gift has great significance,” Hannibal observed.

“A gift,” you muttered. “Interesting way to put it.”

“From who?” Jack asked.

“Wil claimed someone else committed the crimes he’s accused of,” Hannibal suggested. “It’s what Y/N believes.”

“Will said that someone was you,” Jack whispered.

“Perhaps he was half right,” Hannibal said and you turned to him, glad to hear that. You and Hannibal were not in the best speaking terms right now but you understood you had a common goal. Zeller looked annoyed. 

“You gotta be kidding me.” 

-

Hannibal sat across from Will at a table. 

“It seems you have an admirer,” Hannibal suggested. 

“It seems you kissed my girlfriend and suggested she love us both,” Will said, his voice monotone. 

“Yes.”

“You aren’t going to deny it?”

“I care deeply about you and Y/N. I believe that someone else may have committed these crimes and I believe we may have aligned wishes.” 

“That gives you no right to kiss my girlfriend.” 

The two of them stared at each other. Hannibal noticed that Will did not seem to be angry. He seemed more confused, perhaps even amused.

“That is not the priority here,” Hannibal stated simply. “You got an ear in the mail.” Will nodded.

“Are you assuming I’ve given you permission to continue to pursue Y/N?” 

“Are you?” 

Will was caught off guard a bit but bounced back quickly. 

“I don’t know.” 

A beat of silence.

“How far would you go to help me?” Will asked. 

“It hadn’t occurred to me to send you an ear,” Hannibal said quietly. “But I’m grateful and intrigued that someone has.” 

“Gratitude has a short half-life.”

-

You walked with Hannibal into a charred house. 

“Wanted to give us a warm welcome and still leave something to find,” Jack said as you looked over the dead charred body over antlers. It heavily resembled the pictures that you had seen on your kitchen table, just after the copycat killer stuck. The murder that presumabley Will had done

“An arresting piece of theater,” Hannibal said.

“It’s Will Graham’s greatest hits,” Zeller said.

“Are we addressing the elephant in the room? The charred, mutilated elephant right over there,” Price said. 

“Could we have been that wrong?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” you whispered.

“No. We couldn't,” Zeller countered. 

“The evidence we found was immediate and almost presentational. May as well have been gift-wrapped,” Bev said.

“That’s what Will said about Cassie Boyle when she was found in that field. “Field kabuki.””. Jack was having doubts. You could feel it.

“There wasn’t any evidence before Will was apprehended and there hasn’t been any since,” Bev muttered. 

“What impact could this have on Will’s trial?” you questioned. Jack took this and thought about it before a moment. 

“Hopefully a lot of impact.”

-

You stood in the room with Alana, Will and Brauer. 

“I’m confused,” Alana said. “We are-”

“We are heading one direction and now, we are heading another,” Brauer said.

“You’re going to abandon your defense strategy, the entire case you’ve built...mid-trail,” Alana muttered. She turned to you. “You’re okay with this?”

“It makes sense to me.”

“Exciting, isn’t it?” Brauer said, walking over to the table that you were all sitting around. “Not only reasonable, fashionable. There’s a killer on the loose, demonstrating all the hallmarks of Will Graham’s alleged murders. Somebody out there likes you,” he said to Will. 

“This is just because you honestly don't think he did it,” Alana said, only to you.

“I am a woman of my word,” you said. 

“She somehow got it where she wanted, which she does often enough,” Will said and you nodded happily.

“Did you kill someone to do it?” Alana asked sarcastically. 

“No but someone did. Someone who likes Will enough,” you muttered.

“I won’t have to call you in the stand,” Brauer said. 

“Who will be taking the stand in my place?” 

-

Hannibal took the stand. You watched the hope crash and fall before your eyes. The defense was ruled inadmissible and you felt an anger in your heart that you hadn’t felt in a while, if ever.

You stood up as the court was dismissed for the day. You walked up to the judge as Will was taken out. 

“May I talk with you?” you asked. You put on your best girl smile.

“About this case?” 

“Perhaps?” He let out a sigh. He wasn’t supposed to but you were pretty. Perhaps this would go in his way. You tried to look as ditzy as you could as he nodded a little.

“Come to my chambers.”

-  

You couldn’t think. Your hands were bloody and you were shaking. The door behind you swung open and Hannibal stopped in his tracks at the sight he was looking at. 

You, blood on your hands and the bashed in head of the judge. You shook your head and continued to shake, the blood staining your clothes.

“I..I didn’t…” you started but you were such in shock you couldn’t say anything. Hannibal walked forward. He wasn’t going to say that he wasn’t coming to kill this man but seeing you with his dead body was something he was not prepared to think about this afternoon.

“I’m surprised it isn’t Jack Crawford,” he said quietly. You had enough heart to scoff at him. 

“He was gonna kill Will,” you said very quietly. Hannibal nodded and looked down at the body.

“I’m going to clean this. The BAU are going to come and look over a crime scene that I made for this and I’m going to make it look like the man who is recently trying to help Will out. You will not come with me to see the body.”

“I have to. You can’t go without me,” you whispered. Your eyes seemed elsewhere. Hannibal took off his coat and put it over you.

“Wait in my car.” 

-

Forty five minutes later you were in Hannibal’s home, freshly showered and wearing his clothes. You were staring at your hands, trying to figure out how you had killed somebody. Your anger had gotten the best of you but how? Bashing someone’s brain in...you could barely think about it now.

“I want Will,” you pouted, voice breaking. Hannibal walked up to you and sat beside you on the couch.

“You can’t tell him.”

“I have to. I tell him everything,” you said, looking at Hannibal. 

“Don’t tell him this.” 

You shook your head and looked over at Hannibal, still feeling like you were shaking. Hannibal put his arms around you and you put your head on his chest. He held you until you fell asleep.

2x04

[magpie-of-a-birb]

@paint-the-ravenclaw tagged me in on sorting Sanders Sides characters (that post is here), and I decided to make a whole new post for it. Here we go-

Editor Magpie here! It's a good thing that I made this a post of its own, cuz boy is it long. Patton's section took up three pages hand-written, if that tells you anything.

(Also, beware spoilers. If you're not up-to-date, I may reference things you haven't seen yet)

Patton

I'm starting off with Patton because, quite frankly, what he's got going on is fascinating. Sad, but fascinating.

He's a very obvious badger primary, but he also has a badger performance layered over top of it. If you've seen The Good Place, or listened to the @sortinghatchats podcast episode where they sorted TGP characters, you'll be able to see that this is the same as what Tahani did.

Patton's primary is for his community, but he also has an idea of what his primary should be. Not "should" as in aspirational, but "should" as in expectation. So he makes a badger primary performance, something that says "look at me! I'm a good person!" but creates self-loathing because he believes that he isn't living up to that performance. And here's the kicker:

His performance is exploding.

He thinks that, to be a good person, he (and Thomas, by extention) has to sacrifice everything for others. That is the badger primary performance that he thinks he should be.

Disclaimer: this is an unhealthy example of badger primary. No house is inherently healthy or unhealthy. There are many healthy, thriving badger primaries, and they are beautiful, just as every other house is.

And his exploding primary put a lot of strain on his badger secondary (he's a caretaker and loves courtier badger). He has to work hard and show up for everyone all the time and he... can't. It's not possible.

The fact that he cannot humanly live up to his own expectations makes his secondary start to burn. You especially see that in the courtier aspect of his secondary. He feels like he should be the "optimistic, goofy dad-friend" and he loves using courtier badger for it. But he burns out from being there for everyone, that face becomes unreliable in courtier badger because he can't feel it all the way down, he's not happy. So his badger starts to burn, and what does he do?

He takes up an actor bird model to handle the strain. He's used to the "happy, goofy dad" mask that it's easy for him to shift it from courtier mirroring to an actor role.

And whew boy, is that actor bird obvious in Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux. When it's clear that the others aren't siding with him, Patton isn't able to shift to match the change to make a stronger argument - as a snake or mirroring badger could - so he doubles down on his role.

"Remember, guys, I'm morality. My role is to make correct moral choices. Look! This is my good and helpful mask! I'm good and helpful!"

He does that all the way until he's sure that it's a lost cause, and that's when he snaps. But his snapping isn't drawing what he knows of the others, it's not using things that he knows will hurt them, not as we expect him to (especially since he uses similar tactics to manipulate Thomas into doing the right thing).

He transforms. Because he can't be angry. He's not allowed to be angry. Being angry is wrong. If he's angry, according to his exploding primary performance, then he's not a good person.

So he transforms. Because he can only be angry if he isn't himself. Patton chooses not to be Patton. He chooses to be a monster. Instead of translating his thoughts to fit the role (like with his dad role) he's using the role to justify the feelings.

Another disclaimer: like with primaries, no secondary is inherently healthy or unhealthy. There's even an example of healthy actor bird later in this sorting.

Logan

First off, his bird secondary is obvious. He loves collecting and using things. He loves lists and plans. His insecurity stems from his tools not being enough. He is a bird.

His primary is a bit more difficult because he doesn't usually make decisions from a moral standpoint, that's not his job. It's clear that he's not a felt primary, and due to the lack of intensity in general, I think snake can be ruled out. So, bird primary.

Virgil

His system is very lion primary. His gut says that something is wrong and he acts immediately.

His tactics are very bird secondary, preferring to construct a reasonable argument about why Thomas should be anxious over forcefully shoving panic at Thomas (which he does do when he sees the situation as an emergency and he needs Thomas to stop/do something now, but it's not his preference).

On top of that, Virgil has a birdy mask up at the beginning of the series. It's one born out of duty (lion primary), so he embodies the role that he's expected to play as anxiety (a bad guy who's goal is to make Thomas scared) instead of being himself (someone who's trying to keep Thomas safe). So he plays the role until he's shown that he doesn't have to.

Also, look at how he acts in the debate between him and Logan. All of his snap-back retorts are of the same type: general, playground insults. They're predictable and formulaic, like a default response a bird may have when they don't know how to respond while in a given mask. Basically: he's falling back on pre-set common phrases that the character he is embodying would say when he's not "translating" his thoughts into those of his character fast enough.

On a side note, I think that's how you differentiate between actor bird from the other forms of masks: playing a role with a tangible name.

Anyways-

Roman

LION BIRD LION BIRD LION BIRD

He hoards music, plays, movies, and musicals like a corvid and references them like nobody's business. His quick wit is in wordplay ("panic at the everywhere" much?) which, while not indicative of a bird secondary, is bird-flavored icing on the cake.

He lives in actor bird, and while his role isn't always applicable, I think that Roman is an easily-visable example of healthy actor bird. He loves and takes pride in his roles and doesn't solely use them as a shield (like Patton and, to a lesser extent, early Virgil).

He's a bit of a glory hound, he's attracted to the glamor that being a well-known creative and a hero entails, and that feeds into his default Hero/Prince in Shining Armor role. But it's wrong for him to pursue that at the expense of those he loves being miserable (see: Selfishness vs Selflessness).

Remus

Remus shares his primary with his brother. However, he's a horizon/fey lion. Everything that is fun is good which, when combined with his loves-to-mess-with-people snake secondary, spells pain for everyone else in a garish neon-green sign that smells vaguely of a landfill and intentionally leaves glitter everywhere.

Janus

Janus is a double snake. His person is Thomas, and anything is okay (especially deception) if it's to protect him.

Bonus sort: Thomas

Thomas is an interesting character. Because he is a character, within the context of Sanders Sides, that is. Sanders Sides!Thomas is not the same as Real Life!Thomas, even if the former is heavily inspired by the latter. As such, I think that there's enough to sort Character!Thomas.

Character!Thomas is very much a badger primary. It makes sense that he'd match primaries with Patton, his morality, but more so, the entire premise of the show has heavy healthy badger messages. Most episodes are about choosing the right thing to do, and Thomas makes that decision depending on what his community (the Sides) think. He's clearly a felt primary, but if he were a lion, then the "get input from others" aspect of the show would not be as effective.

His secondary is less obvious, but I have to go with bird. Most of the Sides have bird secondaries, and as they're aspects of Thomas, that would logically reflect his secondary to some degree. And he has many of the same hoards as the others, joyfully drawing on and pointing out references to things.

There may possibly be a badger (particularly courtier badger) model in there, but I can't confidently say that it's the case.

In Conclusion:

Patton: badger primary with an exploded badger primary performance. Semi-burned badger secondary with an unhealthy bird secondary model (specifically actor bird)

Logan: double bird

Virgil: lion bird

Roman: lion (glory hound variant) bird

Remus: lion (fey/horizon variant) snake

Janus: double snake

Thomas: badger bird with a possible badger secondary model

[lost-in-the-80s]

You Don’t Want My Love - Chapter 5

Pairing: Duff McKagan x reader

Words: 3,115k

Summary: Guns n Roses hires a new tour assistant, but nobody thought that Duff would fall for her.

In this Chapter: Y/N is back on the road with Guns n Roses. Will things with Duff remain awkward?

A/N: Hello, my friends! This chapter is very cute. I have a little spoiler about the next chapter: It’s going to be Duff's pov.  Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it!

Tag list: @roger-taylors-car @ladieswttda @teasid @metalheartofgold  @slashscowboyboots @ginny-rose-sixx @rumoured-whispers @vinylvintage​ add yourself to my tag list :)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was a bright sunny day in Los Angeles when Y/N got inside a taxi to go back on tour with Guns n Roses.

The so-called one-month pause became two as soon as Nikki Sixx, the bassist of Mötley Crüe, overdosed and the whole band had to go to rehab, leaving Guns hanging without a band to open for.

She still remembered when Tom called her telling her that they had lost the contract and that the band was feeling very down. However, Aerosmith showed up with a golden opportunity, they wanted Guns to open for them on the European leg of the tour. 

So here she was, on her way to the airport to meet with five crazy rockers who, as much as she disliked to admit, she had missed a lot.

These two months out of the road were great for her. She spent the holidays with her family in North Dakota and visited her friends in L. A and finally helped Rose with a part of the rent for the apartment.

She also enjoyed her time doing one of the things she loved the most: go to the beach and get a good old suntan. That was the best part about living in L.A in her opinion, the whole year felt like summer, completely different from the snowy and cold winter in North Dakota.

One week before going back on tour she attended an appointment at her favorite hairstylist, renovating its locks that were now quite long. Giving herself a spa day before going back to the bus’ couch, as Tom would go with them on tour again.

These two months also allowed her to think a lot about Duff. In the first days she was feeling blue, the way he spoke to her during that afternoon and how he didn’t talk to her after that hurt. He even switched places with Steven on the plane back to L.A, just so he didn’t need to sit beside her.

During December she questioned herself about what had she done that could’ve let him so angry at her, but after spending two weeks away from Los Angeles, she got to focus on other things, and following her mom’s advice she decided to give time to time and see how things would.

Izzy helped her with that process too, they crossed paths one day at a park, she went there with her friend’s nephew as she was babysitting and he was skating there. The two of them talked for a few hours and he told her that Duff was just in a bad week, that she shouldn’t take it personally, which made her lose that guilty feeling she was having.

Guilty and Sad, that’s how she was feeling in the beginning. But now she had convinced herself that whatever she had felt for Duff was over. She told herself plenty of times she just felt like that because she was feeling lonely and he had been nice to her.

So now, arriving at the airport, she was 100% sure that she’d look at Duff and her heart wouldn’t skip a bit. They’d talk and she wouldn’t stutter or blush and things would go as they were meant to be.

Walking through the crowd of people inside the airport she finally spotted a tall fuzzy blonde head. Duff. They were just a few meters away from her, making a smile appear on her face.

“Y/N!” Steven shouted waving, not sure if she had seen them.

She raised her hand waving back at him.

“Hello, fellas.” She placed her bags on the ground stopping in front of them.

“Wow, look at you, all tanned!” Slash exclaimed, opening his arms and walking towards the girl to get a hug.

“You know, every time I was about to put a shirt on, I listened to your voice saying that they were the biggest expression of my bad taste.” He said when they let go of each other, smiling at her.

“So you stopped wearing them?” She tilted her head while smiling.

“Nope.” He turned around showing the back of this t-shirt, where “Fuck off I’m out” could be read.

She shook her head, giggling a little.

“I want a hug too!” Steven popped up beside her, involving her in a bear hug, lifting off the ground. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Stevie.” She giggled.

“Do you want a hug too?” She looked at Izzy, smirking.

“No.” He said and the two of them laughed. 

“Well, I want one.” Duff showed up in front of her, opening his arms.

She hesitated for a second, but moved forward and wrapped her arms around his body. 

When he involved her, a certain electricity ran through her body and she wanted to never let go of him. He smelled of cigarettes and cologne though she could smell a small hint of vodka, as if it had stayed in his jacket after he washed it. 

He lowered his head to hers and said close to her left ear. “I’m sorry for being an asshole with you.” His voice was low, as if he was sharing a secret that only she could know about.

The sound caused goosebumps on her body, as she answered in almost a whisper. “It’s okay.”

They let go of each other and suddenly she realized that they had been hugging each other for quite a while, since Tom had arrived and they didn’t even notice.

Duff moved away rubbing the back of his neck, starting some conversation with Slash.

“Hey, Tom! How were your holidays?” She gave him a quick embrace before stopping beside Steven, who hugged her from beside and rested his face on her shoulder.

“It was good, I was missing the kids already.” He smiled tenderly.

“You have kids? I didn’t know that.” She moved one arm away from Steven's grip so she could hug him back.

She looked down and thought that he looked just like a child when they’re bored and start to get sleepy.

“Yes, I do. Here,” He took his wallet out of the blazer’s pocket, showing her some small pictures he had in it. “this is Jenna, she’s 10,” He pointed to a ginger girl with lots of freckles. “and this is Brian, he’s 6.” He showed a boy wearing a baseball hat.

“They’re adorable, Tom! I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to be away from them all the time.” Y/N smiled at him seeing that he truly loved the kids.

“Yeah, it’s difficult, but it’s a part of the job. It’s thanks to my absence that they’ll be able to go to college.” He put his wallet back in the pocket and adjusted his glasses.

“You’re a good father, Tom.”

He grinned at her words.

“You really are. Can I meet the kids someday?” Steven asked, lifting his head off of her shoulder. 

“When the tour is over, let’s have dinner together. I’ll take them and Martha along.” He grabbed his bags from the ground.

“Sure! That’d be cool.” Steven smiled, letting go of Y/N.

“Anyway. Where’s Axl? We need to be on the plane line in 15 minutes.”

“He’s late.” Izzy showed up lighting up a cigarette.

“Not so late,” Duff said, pointing towards the other side of the airport. 

Y/N looked and at first, she couldn’t see anything, but then some ginger locks in a flannel shirt showed up. 

“You’re late.” Tom said, starting to walk towards the line. 

“Sorry, Erin was keeping me busy… if you know what I mean.” He smirked.

“Jesus.” Y/N made a disgusted face while following Tom.

Inside the plane, she found herself in a seat between Steven and Slash. Duff, Izzy and Axl on the other side of the corridor while Tom was sitting one line ahead, beside an old lady.

“Oh man, I wish I could bring Ana with me.” Slash complained.

“Who’s Ana?” Y/N asked smirking.

“My python. I bought her last month.” He smiled turning towards her.

“You mean a snake?” She widened her eyes. 

He nodded.

“You have a snake as a pet?” She shivered under the thought, she was terrified of snakes.

“Yes, they are lovely creatures.”

“I’m scared to death of them.”

“No way! But they’re nice!” He turned his body towards her a little, ready to start an argumentation.

“I grew up on a farm, Slash. One of them passed right in front of my feet when we were plowing the land.”

“Did it bite you?” He moved his hair away from his face, lifting an eyebrow at her.

“Well...no.”

“Then why are you scared? They aren’t violent animals. They just attack if you scare them. Dogs kill more people per year than snakes.” 

She paused for a second. “Yeah, you’re right. But still, I don’t think I’ll ever visit your house now.”

He giggled. “Do you have any pets?”

“We always had lots of dogs. They’re easy to train and help you with some chores.” He nodded at her. “I have a cat. Though I don’t know if I could call him mine yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“I left him in ND when I moved to L.A. I just see him when I visit my parents now.”

“What’s his name?”

“Thomas.”

Slash laughed. 

“What?”

“Thomas, you know?” He laughed harder.

Y/N frowned at him, not understanding.

Then Slash pointed to the seat in front of him, where Tom was sitting. 

She looked at Tom, then at Slash, then at Tom again and finally understood. Her cat had the same name as Tom. 

Y/N laughed, she had never stopped to realize that until now.

Out in the distance, she didn’t see Duff looking at her and smiling when she laughed. 

----

Arriving in London, they followed up with their normal activities. Did the soundcheck, had an interview and went backstage to get ready.

“Do you think I should tease my hair?” Axl asked Izzy who simply shook his head as a response.

“God, I’m nervous,” Duff said walking back and forth inside the room. “I need more vodka.”

“No more drinking, you need to calm down.” Y/N pointed at him, then pointing to a black couch at the end of the room, meaning that he should sit down.

“That’s why I need vodka, love.” He walked past her, going after more booze.

The nickname made her cheeks burn and she tried her best not to smile.

“Fuck, I’m nervous too.” Slash said.

“Why are you guys so nervous? You’ve done lots of gigs like this before.” She asked, frowning.

“No, we haven’t, Y/N,” Izzy said, sitting on the couch while looking for his cigarettes. “We’re in another country, a whole different crowd.”

“It’s our first time outside from home.” Duff said, reappearing in the room and sitting beside Izzy.

“Plus, It’s Aerosmith, fuck! We can’t fuck this up.” Steven added, while trying to choose a t-shirt. “Y/N. The black or the white one?” He showed her the two blouses.

“The black one.” She pointed with her pen. “You guys just need to breathe, everything will go fine. I’m sure about it.” She smiled at them, trying to calm their nerves. 

“Shit, I think I’m gonna freak out.” Duff exclaimed, drinking almost half the bottle down. 

“Not now. I need you good okay?” Axl crouched in front of him. “Just take long breaths, it’s no big deal.”

Axl started breathing slowly, soon being followed by Duff, that seemed to get calmer.

“Guys, you have to go. You’re in in five minutes.”  She said looking at her wristwatch.

“Fuck! I’m not ready yet!” Axl complained, rushing towards their bags looking for his clothes as he was still in his travel clothing. 

“Oh, God, not today!” Izzy rolled his eyes, starting to smoke the third cigarette.

“What do you want to wear tonight?” She asked, sitting on the floor beside him. 

“My leather pants and the leather waistcoat.” He looked at her. “Find them and I’ll find the shoes and my bandana.” 

Moving to Axl’s second bag she started looking inside, throwing some of the clothes on the ground. “Got the pants!” She yelled, throwing them in his direction. 

“Not this one! I want the cowboy leather pants.” Axl complained.

“Axl!” Izzy interjected. 

“Fine, fine!” He lifted his hands in surrender.

After a few minutes, he was ready, running down the corridors while putting his sneakers on. 

“You should watch the gig,” Steven said. “You’ve never watched one.”

“That’s because I always have to organize your mess.” She giggled a little.

“No, seriously, I think you’d like it.” 

Thinking for a second she answered shrugging. “Why not?” 

“Yeas!” He smiled before getting onstage. 

Finding some equipment boxes on the side-door of the stage, she climbed on a big one, sitting on it and placing her agenda on her side. 

The gig started and she understood why everybody was getting crazy about them. 

Axl moved around as if he had eaten batteries for breakfast, jumping, running, screaming and singing. His voice was incredible and he was fierce, just what you need for a frontman.

Slash had lost all his shyness. Dancing, jumping and playing like a god. Every note that left his guitar sounded magical, precisely right. And even though she couldn’t see his face, she could tell that he loved doing that.

Izzy was like a black cat in the night, that you just notice if you pay attention. He moved around calmly, playing his guitar and singing the backing vocals so peacefully, as if he was born to do that. 

Steven, well, now she understood why they called him popcorn. His hair bounced up and down as his head accompanied the drums he was playing. He smiled and sang along and if he could, she was sure he’d get up and dance to the songs.

But nobody caught her eyes like Duff did. The velocity with which he moved his fingers, the way his head kept up with the beat of the song. The way he walked so majestically with his long legs crossing the stage in a few seconds.

He was beautiful, a masterpiece in her opinion. And she knew that there was no use in trying to fight, she was already in love with him. 

----

After the gig, they did the check-in in the hotel, taking a quick shower before stopping in a restaurant for dinner. 

Joining two tables together, they sat down. Tom and Izzy taking the borders, Axl, Slash and Steven taking one side while Y/N and Duff took the other.

It was a simple restaurant, nothing fancy, and as they talked and ate Y/N couldn’t help but feeling like she was having dinner with old friends of hers.

“So I get home and grandma is complaining that Axl was sleeping on her couch and that she wants him out of the house.” Slash was telling a story about when Axl used to sleep in his basement.  

“I go downstairs and say ‘Axl, you have to find somewhere else to stay, bro’ and he’s like furiously throwing his things inside this backpack while giving me an angry look.”

Axl was laughing at this point.

“We got in my mom’s car and I started driving him towards the place where Izzy was crashing and I was like ‘Why did you sleep on her couch, dude? I had told you not to do that!’ and he looks at me with that ‘I’m gonna kill you look’, he opens the door and jumps out of the car!”

“What?” Y/N asked.

They were all laughing.

“I was pissed.” Axl answered.

“Pissed? None of us saw you for three days!” Slash added while Duff wiped some tears away from his eyes. 

“I needed time to calm down.” Axl replied calmly, still smiling as he lifted his glass to drink from it. 

“This is the best story you guys ever told me!” She said after she stopped laughing.

----

Leaving the restaurant they started walking towards the hotel, they all went in front, leaving Duff and her behind.

It was a cold night in London and Y/N had definitely forgotten that their winter was actually cold.

A cold breeze got her when she turned a corner and she shivered, hugging herself. Her sweater was definitely not enough for a night like that. 

“Here.” She looked to her side and saw Duff taking off his leather jacket and handing it to her.

“You don’t have to.” 

“Y/N. Take the jacket.” He smiled at her.

She took it, her cold fingers touching his warm hand slightly. 

Putting the jacket on she realized it was big on her, the smell of his cologne mixed with Marlboro hit her nostrils and she hugged the jacket closer to her body, wishing that it was him who was involving her. 

A few minutes passed by and they finally reached the hotel. Entering the lobby the warmth welcomed them in and she smiled. 

“On which floor are you?” Duff asked.

“Fourth.” She started to take the jacket off. 

“I’m on the sixth.” 

“Yeah, I know.” She smiled. “Thanks for the jacket, Duff.”

“It’s ok.”

They stopped for a second, looking at each other almost as if they were in trance. 

Duff put a lock of her hair behind her ear and licked his lips.

“Y/N.” Tom’s voice cut the atmosphere, making her jump slightly and look in his direction. “Are you coming?” He pointed to the elevator.

“Yeah, just a sec.” 

Looking at Duff again, she gave him a small smile. “Good night, Duff.”

He leaned down, lightly kissing her cheek. “Good night, Y/N.” 

Getting in her room she quickly changed into some comfy pajamas. She stopped in front of the bathroom mirror when brushing her teeth and soon realized that she was smiling.

Her face seemed to be tickling where his fingers had brushed ever so delicately over. And she could still feel the warmth of his lips against her skin.

“Oh, Y/N. You are so fucked now.” She said to herself, walking towards the bed and jumping on it. 

She laid there, but she couldn’t sleep, his face and voice filling her mind along with the memories of him playing onstage. 

Her hair, which had stayed inside the jacket during the walk to the hotel, was smelling like him.

She turned around, facing the illuminated building in front of the hotel while smiling.

Yes, she was fucked. But she was feeling so happy that she couldn’t even get mad at herself for feeling like this. 

[fkingsteverogers]

Tell Me We’ll Be Just Fine

A/N: A couple points: 1) I made a new blog for these writings to make them easier to find 2) I have a tag list! lmk if you want to be added to it 3) For my non US babes and others, your third amendment rights say you can’t be forced to house soldiers. Long Story Short 

Contains TFATWS Episode 5 spoilers

                                                        ****

With John Walker being Honorably Discharged after an International Incident, you’re stuck under house arrest.  (The United States Government would tell you house arrest is too strong of a word, it’s simply Strongly Advised you stay in your apartment.) You want to scream from the rooftops that you had nothing to do with him, that it was all an act, but you’re being Strongly Advised, so that’s not an option. You hope, wherever he is, Bucky is having a better time than you are. 

Five Days; Eastern Europe:

Bucky is not having a good time. They’re in a country where everyone wants them dead, holed up in a shitty motel and all he can think of is the absolutely devastated look on your face when he walked out the door. It makes him brood. 

“You have to talk about her sometime.” 

“Who?” 

“Whoever makes you frown like that.” 

“‘M not frowning. What do you know about it anyway? You’re single.” So maybe he was being an ass about it. You were so far away, probably cuddled up with John or Steve, and he was here, sitting in a motel room with Sam. John Walker was probably feeling you up right now, running his hand over those beautiful thighs of yours as you kissed him, making soft little noises--he clenches his fist so hard he breaks the bowl he’d been holding, splattering rice and beans all over the floor cracked tile floor. 

“Yo, man, what the fuck?!” 

Day One; New York City: 

Steve’s allowed to visit, because of course he is. He flashes some badge and the guards (who are Strongly Advising you), stand down. “Why are you here, Stevie?” And you hate that you still call him Stevie. Stevie is what you called him on the quiet nights when you two were alone and he was still yours. Steve gives you his sad smile and you want to fall into his arms, to sob into his chest and tell him how you fucked it all up. You don’t. 

“Just go, Stevie.” 

Four Days; Eastern Europe: 

Sam goes to do some surveillance, announcing that he “couldn’t deal with this shit,” leaving Bucky alone in the shitty room they were sharing. Before he’d been deployed, he would’ve spent an afternoon alone in a hotel curled up with a pretty girl or a handsome boy. During the war, he’d spend a quiet day catching up on some sleep or rereading a well loved copy of The Hobbit. During his Hydra days (which he hated thinking about but also couldn’t stop thinking about), there really weren’t days off. There were days where he killed and days where he didn’t. Since then, he’d spent most of his days off trying to remember how to be a human. 

You had made those days feel like living again. And now you were John’s girl, dressed all pretty up for him and everything. Bucky’d been fucking stupid to think you’d want someone like him, someone damaged, someone with blood on his hands. You were good and soft and pretty. You spoke four languages and had probably read every book ever written. 

You’d been good enough for Steve. 

He breaks another bowl and has to lay down after.

Day Three; New York City: 

You glare down the solider that’s sitting in your kitchen, eating a sandwich. “This is violating my Third Amendment Rights, you know.” 

The smug bastard grins and keeps eating his sandwich. 

Two Days; Louisiana: 

“That shield’s the closest thing I’ve got left to a family, so when you retired it, I felt like I had nothing left.” 

The mission had gone down as well as any of their missions go, they’d been shot at, gotten out by the skin of their teeth. Sam left to go back home as soon as he could, Bucky followed. Where else did he have to go?

“You have her.” 

He didn’t, not really. 

“I don’t want to talk about her, Sam.” Bucky tosses the shield, scowling deeply. 

Sam sighs, catching the shield. He turned to face his friend, were they friends?, and looked him up and down. “Yeah, you do.” So maybe Bucky does want to talk about you, about how betrayed he feels by you choosing Walker over him. The government hadn’t been powerful enough to stop some gossip magazine from publishing a spread of you and Walker, you in a little red sundress that makes you look incredible and his hand on your thigh. There’s some bullshit story about how you met and had been so enamored with him you’d asked him for coffee on the spot.

 It makes Bucky physically sick with rage. 

Day Four; New York City: 

After four days of being Strongly Advised, you’re ready to start pulling out your hair. The news is nonstop coverage of what happened to John Walker, the green beret who had gone crazy and killed a man in a moment of grief induced rage. And to top it all off, People released a spread that makes you want to scream. The whole shoot hadn’t been your idea, some government publicist had insisted it was necessary to sell the story. In reality, it’d been five hours with John’s hands all over you, grinning like the cat that got the cream. During a break, he’d asked you about Steve, his tone suggesting something that was none of his business. 

“You don’t get to talk about Steve.” John had smirked at you, running his tongue over his teeth. It clearly annoyed him, someone thinking he wasn’t good enough for something. “What about your wife, John?” A look of surprise crosses his face but it’s gone in a moment, the mask he wears to keep people out back in place. 

“Olivia isn’t part of the deal. I thought we could be friends,” he spits the word out like it’s dirty, “but clearly you’re not interested in that, clearly you’re interested in--” 

“Be careful how you finish that sentence, John.” Your voice is low, betraying the landmine he’s almost stepped on. Given the chance, you’d stab John Walker in his pretty face. Decades in prison means nothing when the love of your life abandoned you and the man you thought you could count on ran out. (So maybe you were thinking about Bucky, it doesn’t actually matter.)

Bucky had been a solid presence in a sea of uncertainty. He’d made you feel safe and okay. After Steve’s departure and the death of Tony, the only member of your family left, solid and safety had been in short supply. He’d showed up, ate his cold beans in silence in the kitchen, and hadn’t left. He’d made you laugh in a way you hadn’t in months. You’d developed a routine, Bucky would wake up before you and boil water for tea, you’d stumble out and cook something to serve as breakfast, and you’d both go about your days. In the evenings, you’d come together, talk about the stupid shit that had happened during the day, watch a movie on Friday nights, and go to bed. It was nice to have a routine, something and someone you could depend on. 

The nights had been quiet since he left. 

Twelve Hours; New York City: 

Bucky’s plane lands and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

It’s raining when he steps out of the airport, a down pour by anyone’s standards. Fine by him, less people to avoid. He manages to make it to the little coffee shop outside your apartment without getting too soaked. Going up there wasn’t an option, not when you were probably angry with him for running out. So he sits, drinks endless cups of coffee and watches. 

“She takes it two creams, no sugar, if you want to bring it up to her.” Bucky turns and finds himself face to face with Steve. His friend looks old, but happy, at peace even. There’s so much he wants to say, he wants to ask Steve why he left, what he thought about Walker. He wants to punch him or throttle him or hug him. Bucky wants a long fucking hug. 

“I don’t think she wants to see me, punk.” Steve sits, shaking his head. 

“I didn’t think she wanted to see me, either. Sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her..” 

Before Bucky can reply, before he can really process what Steve is saying, he gets a text from Sam and he’s off to save the world again.

Day Five; New York City: 

Because the universe hates you, you can’t even use your phone to entertain yourself. Someone leaked your personal number and it hadn’t stopped ringing since. And, since the internet has no nuance, they’re mostly death threats. You’re reading a book when the guards who are Strongly Advising you abandon their posts. There’s something going on, something that no one bothers to inform you about. 

You go back to reading your book. Hopefully Bucky’s not being thrown through a wall. 

Thirty Minutes; New York City: 

Bucky gets thrown through a wall. 

It fucking hurts and he’s dizzy after. Like can’t-walk-straight-am-I-actually-drunk-dizzy. Sam, the useless bastard, loads him into a taxi, tells him he’ll be fine, and gives the driver your address. Bucky’s dimly aware of this fact, aware of the fact that this poor man is driving him, a bleeding super solider, to the one place he wanted to be but wasn’t welcome. 

Two Minutes; New York City: 

The guards aren’t back by the time the downstairs buzzer starts ringing incessantly. You’re in the middle of your book, right at the moment where the head-strong damsel and the Lord she hated are about to kiss. You try to ignore it, With a groan, you stomp down to the doors. 

Standing there, half supported by Vasily, the Russian cabbie (who is definitely into some shady business), is Bucky. 

Now; New York City: 

You thank Vasily, telling him you’ll pay for the cab when you see him on Friday for Shabbat, and take the bleeding Bucky into your arms. Bucky mumbles something, clearly speaking Russian but too lowly for you to actually understand. Vasily glares at him, muttering curses as he stalks away. 

Dragging Bucky up to your sixth floor apartment means sharing a run in with Daisy Mae, your elderly neighbor who’s 90% blind and enjoys loitering in the elevator. She seems to take offense to Bucky mumbling Russian children’s songs to himself. 

“Speak English dear, not Communism. We’re in the United States.” 

“Mind the business that pays you, Daisy Mae.”

She hmphs, but doesn’t say anything else. Bucky, for his part, gives a rousing performance of the Russian alphabet. Finally, you get Bucky into your apartment and unceremoniously drop him on your couch. 

It’s not long before he falls asleep, leaving you to stare at him for hours, wondering just what he’s going to say when he wakes up. 

When he does wake up, it’s to the scent of your soap, sweet watermelon that always leaves an aching in the pit of his stomach. Waking up on your couch, smelling your soap, and listening to you cook feels like a dream. How many times had he thought about this exact moment while he was with Sam? Soon enough you’d turn the corner from the kitchenette and smile at him, that beautiful smile that never failed to make him feel a little dizzy. 

And then he’d wake up in a shitty hotel room, listening to Sam take a shit through the paper thin walls. 

He waits, but when you appear, you’re frowning anxiously. And God, you’re so fucking beautiful. You’re wearing a pair of tiny sleep shorts that expose your long legs to his greedy eyes. Your hair is pushed back off your face, exposing the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. 

Steve was a lucky man, to be able to love you.  Maybe one day he’ll find a woman like you to love, if he’s lucky. Has he ever been lucky?

Bucky looks confused when you appear holding tea. “Hi.” He doesn’t say anything back, just frowns back. Your mind races, realizing he probably doesn’t want to see you, that he was dropped off here by some well meaning friend, and he was going to get up and walk out the door again. 

“At least let me clean you up before you go.” Bucky nods wordlessly, looking like he’s still a little stunned. He takes a seat at the kitchen table as you pull down the first aid kit you’d put together when Steve was still here. There’s a cut above his eyebrow that’s still oozing a little blood. It’s in such a place you have to situate yourself between his legs in order to get to it. 

It’s quiet while you work, Bucky’s never been a man of many words and now he’s probably trying to figure out how to tell you you’re never going to see him again. As soon as he’s cleaned up well enough that you’re satisfied he won’t die sitting at your kitchen table, you step away to admire your handy work. Bucky’s left hand, his metal hand, catches your wrist and pulls you back to him. It holds you there while his right hand comes up to cup your face, running a thumb over your cheekbone. 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

He’s not sure what possesses him when he pulls you back into him. All he knows is if he doesn’t get you close, if he doesn’t tell you how fucking beautiful you are, he won’t be able to breathe. You make a little noise of exasperation, your gorgeous lips parting. “I mean it.” “Bucky…” You try to pull away but he holds you there, studying every inch of your face and committing it to memory. There’s an electricity between the two of you, it feels like the air is charged enough to light that stupid snail lamp you’d bought from Arrow or whatever that store you loved was called. “Bucky…” You repeat, your voice softer, in a tone he can’t quite describe

Before either of you can move or say anything else, the door swings open to reveal Sam and Torres, flanked by three soldiers. None of them take notice of what feels like a very compromising position. 

“Oh good, you’re here, Sargent Barnes. You're all being moved to a safe house. Pack enough for an indeterminate amount of time.” 

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[panharmonium]

more scattered naruto thoughts now that we’ve finished season 8 -

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten up to the end of season 8 (after pain destroys the hidden leaf village).  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

- i like the way S8 ended.  i know that in real life maybe it wouldn’t be so feasible to just talk your enemy back to the light, but honestly, i don’t care.  i love that shit.  i love stories when people refuse to hurt the people who hurt them first, and then their seemingly inconceivable choice to refrain from striking back creates a connection (it’s the ‘return of the jedi’ effect, folks).  i understand that it doesn’t work like that in real life most of the time, and i don’t recommend it for real life people trying to defend themselves, but i do love it in fiction.  i LOVED how naruto went in pursuit of nagato to talk to him, not fight him.  even though naruto says straight-up “i can’t forgive you” / “I want to kill you so badly i can’t stop shaking” - he still recognizes that his enemy is someone who’s been victimized, and he has enough compassion to feel pain on their behalf even when he himself is reeling from having his entire home destroyed and both of his teachers murdered by the person he’s confronting.  his choice to control his (valid) rage and extend a hand in compassion is ultimately what changes the outcome and saves everyone who would have died, reversing the damage that was done, and i love that shit.  

- absolutely adore yamato abandoning his own mission and taking off at a run to try and help naruto when he senses that naruto is losing control over the nine-tails.  this man thought he was just a substitute teacher for a while there, but he’s become part of the family while he wasn’t looking.

- HINATA.  oh my god i couldn’t even enjoy this incredible moment because i was so stressed out (and angry, at the time, because i really thought they were going to kill her, and that would’ve crossed my line).  i want to watch this again knowing that she’s fine, because my anxiety over ‘fuck fuck fuck they’re actually going to kill one of the kids’ precluded me from even appreciating it appropriately.

- there’s been a lot of talk on this show about how sakura doesn’t have as much chakra as naruto or sasuke, but she heals people non-stop the entire time Pain is attacking and doesn’t show any signs of running dry.  SHOW HER SOME RESPECT.

- CHOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIII!  omg.  i was so afraid that his father was actually dead, and SO RELIEVED that he was okay.  you can’t do that to choji!!!

- also relatedly, how much do i adore choji for caring so much about kakashi?  <333 i mean this kid is there sobbing over his dead body, and then he bursts out crying when kakashi comes back to life - i really appreciate these little ties between characters who aren’t always in close quarters but who do have a relationship.  kakashi has been a teacher to ALL of the kids, and team 10 especially feels indebted to him - the respect and affection they all feel for him is very real.

- first time i actually thought ‘ok he’s cool’ with regard to minato was when he talked to the nine-tails so unfazed like “he’s a loudmouth.  let’s go somewhere more quiet.’  i’ve been kind of so-so on his character so far, but i liked this.  

- also later in that scene - the (rare) scenes we’ve seen where naruto totally breaks down absolutely kill me.  it happened once when gaara was dead, and then there’s another moment in this episode when he’s talking to minato - whoever voices him does just incredible work in those moments, and it is SO PAINFUL to me because naruto is always such a happy kid the rest of the time and eternally optimistic and positive and excited and popping back up every time he falls down, and so when he cracks it is just devastating to see.  i hate seeing him cry like that.

- similarly - that shot of sasuke at the end of the itachi arc wrecked me.  naruto’s breakdowns are upsetting, but at least he allows himself to have them - when he gets pushed past a breaking point, he explodes.  he cries and yells and spills every single thought in his head in front of everybody who’s around him, and after it’s done, things get better.  he’s with people who care about him.  he’s venting and making himself understood, and he always finds his equilibrium again.

sasuke, though, has been completely locked down ever since we saw him sneak out of the hospital to wander around the scene of his community’s mass murder, and he’s still locked down now, even crying all alone at the edge of the ocean.  this moment isn’t cathartic.  it isn’t a release.  this is barely even a sliver of what this kid has going on inside him, and it looks like it’s agonizing for him to even let that much out.

- the scene where naruto is about to give up and give in to the nine-tails’s power...that exchange!!!!!!!

i don’t know.  it hurts.  i hate this.  i don’t know.  what should i do.  i don’t know anything anymore.  someone...please help me.  give me...an answer.

destroy everything.  erase anything that causes you pain.  give me your soul, your spirit, your vital essence.  give it to me, and in exchange, i will rescue you from your pain.

this whole exchange is amazing.  the way naruto says ‘it hurts’...this is one of those scenes that expands to cover so much more ground than just what’s onscreen at that moment.  what naruto overcomes here is precisely the trap that sasuke has not been able to escape.  sasuke has never had any framework for dealing with pain that isn’t about pursuing vengeance.  it’s the only way he thinks he can free himself from his pain - by putting all of his energy into destroying the people who hurt him.  

but it becomes an endless cycle, because he never succeeds.  itachi dies and sasuke feels worse than ever, so he turns his attention to the hidden leaf in an attempt to finally kill what’s hurting him.  but even if sasuke were to raze the entire village to the ground, his pain would still be with him, and he’d then have to turn his attention to yet another target, because the alternative would be to recognize that he can’t escape his pain by destroying the things that hurt him, and that’s not something he’s able to accept right now.  he’s spent half his life fixated on the idea that revenge can rescue him from how terrible he feels, and abandoning that idea now would mean that nothing can save him.  it would mean that he’s going to hurt like this no matter what he does.  

kakashi tried to warn him about this.  he tried to tell sasuke that even after getting his revenge, sasuke wouldn’t feel better, that he’d only tear himself apart trying to achieve something that would leave him feeling empty - but sasuke was too entrenched in his own warped thinking to believe it.  and ever since then, sasuke has been in the company of people who are happy to let him dig himself deeper and deeper into a self-destructive hole as long as it benefits their agenda.  they don’t care if he’s hurting himself.  they’re happy to see him suffering.  his pain is a tool they can use.

- a note re: kakashi, when it comes to this topic - 

i think it’s relevant to remember that kakashi never tells sasuke not to pursue revenge because it’s “wrong” or ethically questionable.  he never delivers any moralizing speeches in the vein of “if you kill someone who victimized you, you’re just as bad as they are.”  kakashi doesn’t think it’s wrong if itachi dies, and if sasuke were in a better state of mind, he probably wouldn’t even mind if sasuke were the one to kill him.  that’s why kakashi is comfortable helping team 10 pursue asuma’s killers, after all - because they’re not unbalanced by rage or making self-destructive decisions; they’re acting with clear heads and pursuing a course of action that needs to be taken anyway (asuma’s murderers are on their way to the leaf to capture naruto - they need to be dealt with regardless).  team 10′s kids can handle that mission - they’re thinking straight.  they’re comfortable accepting adult guidance.  they’re grieving, but they’re okay. 

sasuke is not.  sasuke has been deeply traumatized since he was a very young child, and encouraging his quest for vengeance is equivalent to validating all of the fucked-up thought patterns that are hurting him so badly - that it was his responsibility (as a seven year-old child) to protect his clan, that he was weak and cowardly for running away, that he needs to take itachi down as penance for failing to save his family, that killing itachi is the only way for him to justify his childhood survival, that killing itachi will free him from his pain.  for kakashi to encourage any of these false convictions would be irresponsible and, ultimately, harmful to the child he’s supposed to be looking after.  if sasuke gets his revenge on itachi, he’s just going to be left with the horrifying realization that his pain hasn’t lessened even the slightest bit, except that now he also has to deal with the additional trauma of killing someone he used to love. 

kakashi doesn’t discourage sasuke from revenge because Revenge Is Morally Bad and You Are Morally Bad For Pursuing It; he discourages sasuke from revenge because in this particular case, sasuke’s fixation on revenge is hurting him.  it’s unhealthy for him, and it will cause him worse pain in the future if he allows it to continue driving his life.  sasuke is never going to feel better if he doesn’t stop distracting himself from his pain by focusing solely on vengeance.  if he’s ever going to actually be rescued from his pain, he needs to face (and FEEL!!!) his grief, which is precisely what staying fixated on revenge allows him to avoid.

- relatedly: i just.  am SO sick.  of all these horrible people.  getting their hands on sasuke.  and using him for their own ends.  when he has already been manipulated and victimized all his life.  it makes me wanna SCREAM!!!!  and i know that’s the point; we are supposed to be frustrated by this - but - hrnghghgnh

and like - it’s not like sasuke doesn’t know it’s happening!  he’s not stupid!  he knows the people around him are using him, and he just tries to use them back and play them before they play him, and he accepts that this is what his life is going to look like, and because he survives, he thinks he’s in control, but he has NO IDEA how far over his head he’s in now.  and besides, he never stops to think that maybe his life shouldn’t look like this.  he has no conception of ‘someone should be taking care of me.’  he’s never seen himself as a child who needs protection - he’s never seen himself as a child, period.  it’s why he’s such a brat to the other kids, and it’s why he never calls kakashi ‘sensei.’  he thinks of himself as an adult.  he has adult problems.  he can’t connect to children his own age because he can’t connect to the idea of childhood - his childhood was stolen from him, and with it went any conception of refuge or safety or the fact that relentless self-sufficiency and a constant cycle of using/being used by other people isn’t in fact what his life is supposed to look like.

i am continually infuriated by all of these people who have abdicated their responsibility as adults and chosen to exploit an already exploited kid, one who is too messed up to save himself or let anybody else help him.  none of these people care about him.  they all want to use him for something.  they’re happy he’s in pain, because his pain is what enables them to manipulate him.

the people who DO truly want to help him are the same people he’s desperately trying to avoid.  the only adult sasuke ever had a meaningful and non-manipulative relationship with is the same adult he keeps running away from.  and the only two people his own age who ever actually knew anything about him or cared if he was okay are the two people he keeps pushing away. 

there is, perhaps, a lot to be said about how sasuke continually runs away from the people who actually care about him and instead affiliates himself with people he’ll never have to worry about forming a connection with.  “having too many ties in this world just holds you back” - sure, and having no ties protects you, too.  nobody to love you, nobody to know you, nobody you can ever lose.