#I think I heard the word ‘nobody’ at least 200 times listening to this song again for this

[collectivecloseness]

11 with whatever stranger things character works best ig. 11 nearly *just* makes it but is always left out, ones that don’t quite make it onto some lists are always interesting, like 6 or 51, or the last 100 or something lol

Babes... the fact 11 is literally Nobody by Mitski... the lonely left out one 😭 Anyway this is poor Stevie fr 😭😭

(Cw: this fic is about Steve’s mental health after dealing with all the upside down trauma the past few years)

Steve Harrington x reader

Steve doesn’t sigh, he doesn’t groan, he just doesn’t make a sound when he finally wakes up. He’d fallen back asleep a couple of times after opening his eyes, just hoping to shorten the day and stay somewhere peaceful a moment longer, but his body couldn’t take anymore sleep. He was awake now.

There was no work today. No alarm to make sure he could be autonomous and run on autopilot to brush his teeth and rush to the car in yesterday’s work clothes, and no radio call from one of the kids in danger giving him the boost of adrenaline to get up either.

But tapping his fingers on his plain grey quilt, Steve couldn’t handle the realisation he’d be alone with his thoughts right now if he didn’t get up.

Pushing himself with a sigh, Steve winces as his feet hit the cold fooorboards, slumping over to put some black socks on first, before he finds a shirt to throw over his head. He looks down to his sweatpants, but suddenly the thought of changing out of them, and into something else made Steve’s head ache and feel faint at the same time. So he didn’t care about wearing what he’d worn to bed downstairs as he dragged himself to the living room.

Steve was used to being alone in this house. His parents basically treated the place he grew up in as a holiday home, rather than a home, being there around a weekend every six weeks, if they were ever that scheduled. He never knew when they were coming back.

Steve basically owned the house now, as the sole person who actually lived there. He’d turn his parents room into a spare room, maybe have Robin as a roommate, he knew she wanted to move out away from her parents, but even mentioning it to his mom, his dad overheard him over the phone and he had yells and disappointed chidings of how selfish and inconsiderate he was assaulted down the speaker. ‘They still lived there!’ They said, although they hardly ever turned up to prove their point.

At least people visited, even if Steve couldn’t truly make the house his home yet, no decorating of his own. But being alone here, it at least made his house the designated hang out zone. It gave him good memories here. You visited a lot, and Steve was so grateful to have you as a partner. He wondered what you were up to today...

There was nothing for Steve to do here. Definitely not alone. And he definitely couldn’t risk messing something up, and his parents deciding to drop in from the other side of the country. But standing at the base of the stairs, looking around at his open, and empty home, something vile and sickening clawed at his chest, trying to scrape up his throat, split open his head from the inside. Steve went straight to the television, his chest in pain enough it made Steve flinch, turning the tv onto some random channel, any, just turning it up. A sitcom being on air, and the noise of a family all chatting together made Steve feel less alone.

Steve nearly sprinted to all the windows in the house, opening them up so he could hear noise from the outside, the things happening in the real world. He opened up the curtainless window of his kitchen, and he stood there a moment, the one further away from the tv, as he let the world go by. The wind stroked comfortingly through Steve’s brown hair, from the open panel at the top of the glass, where he was. Steve closed his eyes, letting the touch encouragingly pass. But soon there was another reason he wanted his eyes closed, because it was beginning to get harder to look outside.

He listened to cars honking hello to each other, teenagers chatting to their friends on the way to school, parents repeating road safety with their eager kids. Pushchair wheels rolling and dogs yipping and leaf blowers working. Everyone talking. In their own conversations, taking part in lives separate to the others they pass by without even noticing them, but everyone out there at least has something in common. Something Steve envied and yearned, but just could not find it in himself to seek at this moment.

The wind was cooler now. Biting him. Not meant for him. Everyone had someone else around, shielding each other from nature’s course, holding onto each other to avoid puddles, stepping away from the leaves blowing near them, or in one case, jumping on them themselves.

Steve retreated to his television. He didn’t know this family in the show, he wasn’t even watching, his eyes on the tv, but unfocused and mind not taking any of the images in. He just wanted them to keep talking.

As soon as he’d sat down, Steve realised he probably should have grabbed something from the kitchen to eat. And now he was thinking about it, his stomach churned in hunger. He knew he was hungry, even if it was the type of hunger that made you feel nauseous. But Steve had already sat down. And standing up again, just to get himself some food, just could not be prioritised enough for Steve to motivate himself to get his legs to move.

All Steve wants is somebody. Somebody near him right now. Somebody to be with him. He was a changed man after his first encounter with the upside down those few years ago. Battling creatures with his baseball bat, his ex and her new guy, and learning all about the horrible world underneath this one. Becoming the protector of others and the perpetual and never ending punching bag at the same time.

He looped it all in with the upside down, all these events, the Russians torturing him, what happened with Nancy, the possible state of his future, his relationship with his parents, almost losing the people he loves even though he always puts himself on the line first he just!!- What else can he do?!! And why isn’t him throwing himself into every danger to protect the people who actually deserve to be protected ever enough?!

Why do people still get hurt, when Steve will always let himself get hurt for them!?

Steve puts his head into his hands, his elbows digging into his thighs but he just pushes them in harder, his bitten nails barely doing damage as he scrapes them into his head whilst he’s burying his eyes. “Shut up shut up shut up.” Steve growls softly to himself, knowing he wasn’t helping anything.

He was a coward.

He acted strong, in front of the others. Proud to always be ‘the’ badass around the kids, especially Dustin. And he always headed straight on for danger if that would mean it helped the others. But he was so changed when it was just him now. He wasn’t the same person before; and he was glad, he’d been an asshole - something Steve winces into his hand at, as he remembers - but he’s not like he used to be.

He used to be able to get through his nightmares about his childhood. He used to come home and just chill. Enjoy the house to himself, and throw parties. He never felt like this until he went through all that trauma, as you’d promised him it was. He never felt so troubled, so down, so exhausted, so scared, so lonely. So just everything all at once.

He knows it’s not up to anybody to save him, he knows that no one can. Or at least, he thinks that, sometimes. Even though Steve sometimes feels like screaming, begging you to save him, even at the moments he’s least in danger, just in his own home. Even with you right there holding him. Not actually risking his life like he’s done so many times, like he’s made you cry over, watching him be so selfless, and brave, and hurt, again and again. Needing you to help save him, after it all too. But part of him feels like a coward for wanting it. The other half remembers all your loving words, all of them, not one is ever forgotten by Steve, and he’s able to regain control over those thoughts again most times he slaves over this.

Before you, there would have been no one to save Steve first, no one he was most important to, during all these life threatening events. Steve almost allowed himself to be okay with the thought no one would save him, even as he was first to throw himself in head first if it meant protecting his friends. Everyone had someone else. Someone they’d check up on first. Steve was glad he had you. Even when you promised him he wasn’t just your first choice to save, that others would pick him too. Even that helped Steve. Not just you being there, but you, you being the one to be his partner, you who just always knows how to help him.

All he wanted was to feel alright. Not great, just alright. Something he always used to take for granted. Something he can start to feel again, whenever he’s with you, or surrounded by his loved ones. ...Steve’s lips twisted up, his head tilting slightly as it came out of his hands. Why was that something so hard, for him to be able to feel alright? Why was his life like that?

But you at least told him he wasn’t a coward. You got through it with him, you let him be changed even when he wasn’t alone, you-

Steve’s head shot up as he heard the key in the door. And his heart froze like a cool zap in his chest, as he prayed inside his head to let it be you. That you somehow knew he needed you today. That you were coming for him, like you always did.

And Steve felt relief pour through his body so hard, his frozen fingers and toes flooded with such warmth, allowing him to actually feel able to move his muscles, as he reached his arms out for you from where he was sat on the couch, as you made eye contact with him from where you’d hung your coat, your own eyes filled immediately with your knowledge.

“Oh... Oh baby.”

You spoke so softly. Steve loved your voice. He kept his arms open as you rushed over, sitting by him on the couch and immediately pulling Steve into your arms with a big breath. Steve melting his face into your collarbone, as he let himself listen to your breath, your heartbeat, the creak of your trousers against his couch, and he felt whole not being alone at all anymore.

Steve is happy to listen for moments longer, his brown messy hair nestling into the crook of your neck, as he smooths his cheek over your warm skin. He can smell the body wash he uses when he showers at yours. His hands crawl up to hold you by the side of your chest softly. Steve happy to start to listen to the beat of your heart, and see if his will follow rhythm, like it does when he pays attention to it.

But you start speaking again. At least, filling his home with your voice. “Stevie darling. I’m here. You’re okay Steve.” You kiss his soft hair, stroking his head, and Steve leans into your touch. “You’re okay. I’m staying with you today.” You promise, knowing he likes when you do so, and when you plan it for the rest of his day.

Steve nods, letting you know he heard you, and he’s thankful, but a big sigh leaves his lungs, tickling hot against your collar, as he thinks, at least now while in a safety bubble of your warm hold, having wrapped your arms and legs, all of you safely around him.

Whether he’s been big or small, tough or soft, he’s still never good enough, still nobody wanted him. He was a douchey smartass, then a loser dumbass, and he wasn’t liked as either of those - never wanted, Steve thinks. Until you.

His thoughts still wandering around those paths, as he starts to let you take over for him this morning. He’s got to remind himself those thoughts he has just aren’t true, during spirals like this. You do want him. You, his best friend, his other friends, the kids, Joyce, Hopper, hell even his parents.

He is wanted.

Steve’s just got to remember it even in his lonely times. It doesn’t matter whether he’s brave and macho, or a dorky himbo, he’s still him, and he’s still loved by somebody. By multiple somebodies. And turning his head, peering his soft brown eyes up into your own, Steve constantly knows you really love him.

Steve leans his hand up, not even thinking about how his body no longer feels tired or achy anymore, just brushing your hair away behind your ears so he can see more of your perfect face, and also touch your soft hair.

“Good morning.” He speaks up, smiling crookedly and smally at you, but Steve feels relieved and wondrous, hearing his own voice in his big house.

“Good morning Steve.” You smile down at him. And God are Steve’s eyes sparkly as they look mesmerised at you. You moving to stroke Steve’s puffy brown hair, as his longer fingers still caress over your own. You smile, and Steve smiles back. No ache in his heart, his thoughts just full of all he can do with you today now his house is not so empty, or you can even leave the house together, if he chooses that he wants to. And that small other aware part of his thoughts, so happy and thankful that in this moment, that you are here with him.

Even though Steve can tell you know he was sad. That he was going through it a bit again. He’s obviously much better now he’s practically laying across your lap, his toned body fitting perfectly in your arms, and his head tucked warmly at the bottom of your chest, looking up at how you peer down at him, holding him, cradling your boyfriend safely, and Steve brings his hands to rest on your forearms, smiling as he swallows in his throat, relaxing in a position Steve loves.

Steve’s not asking you to fix him, he knows it’s not as simple as that, and he knows you don’t need any pressure. You two are working on it all, together. Both your issues, both your needs, and importantly, your wants. Steve so happy to be able to share his wants with you just as much as his needs, and have you take care of each other’s, of each other. Steve’s not asking for you to fix him, instead he’s licking his dry lips, and with a small and endearing smile, asks “Can I have my kiss now?”

His adoring smile only growing as you gleefully and slowly move in, pressing your warm lips against his own. Giving Steve the one thing he needed to start feeling properly alright again. Allowing Steve to hold your face close, as you both chuckle softly into each other’s mouths, the small sound so audible to Steve with how close you both are. As you happily, and so open heartedly, honestly, lovingly, both share a sweet kiss, for the start of his better day.

[alpaca-clouds]

Find da Word

I was tagged by @udaberriwrites for this game. The rules are simple - find the word (or something close enough) in a fic (WIP, published, whatever works) and share the excerpt it is in! (I'm going with published works this time :D)

My words to find were: drink, black, sun, laugh, silence

Tagging... well Mika already tagged a bunch of people! But I'll tag @charley-quinn @mikaharuka @tsunderewatermelon and @mikaharuka and anyone who wants to try this game of course!

The next round of words are: fall, sword, road, wind, castle

From the current round I will try and take stuff out of The lesser Evil:

SKY

The sun was setting, turning the last light of day orange. Sypha sat beneath the tree, looking up at the colorful sky, and sighed.

They were almost at Baia Mare. The city was not more than a mile or two away. They had stopped in this forest at noon, as it gave them protection against spying eyes. After being attacked two nights in a row it was clear that whoever did those experiments knew they were coming.

LOVE

Already she wanted to shift to another position, trying to get to the general's tent and listen in on them, as she heard a whisper: "My love."

Morana. She knew what this had to mean. Moving with the speed only allowed to creatures of the night, she made her way back to the quarters they were hiding it. The air here was thick with the smell of sewage while pigs were simply roaming the streets. It was not the best place to live, but a great place to hide. For vampires, especially, as those people here were rarely missed.

RISING

The sun had not yet risen above the horizon, as the soldiers were gathering in front of the house. There were 200 of them, barely enough to fill out the forces at Orlean. But they would make due. They would bring supplies, too. Bread and vegetables. Ale, too. Enough to bring the people through one more months of occupation. Nobody had managed to take Orleans back in the entire winter. But that had been the winter, Gilles told himself. The winter had brought icy rains with it, drowning so many of their forces. No, this was a new spring, a new year. They could turn this around.

SONG

[Nobody is Singing in that Story, I am afraid]

WARMTH

He groaned, as he could feel the stuff work. It gave something he had not expected. A strange warmth in his chest, as the pain was slowly dimming. It did not went away entirely, but he was able to think clearly at least. Not a moment too soon, as the roof underneath them was shaking, crumbling.

[ghost-party]

congrats on 200! i'd love to see Erwin x reader where they are both professors! looking forward to what you come up with, anything fluffy involving fumbling academics would be fun <3

This request... YES. ❤️ I have a huge weakness for this type of AU. (I used to teach college English classes.) And the idea of Erwin as a professor? Perfection.

Warnings: alcohol A/N: So much awkward, adorable fluff. This ended up being longer than I expected, and I still felt like there was so much more I could write. There’s a very good chance that I’ll end up turning this into an actual fic... 😅

• • •

Erwin + Professors

It’s a few days before the fall semester begins, and you’ve just finished settling into your office. It’s small, but unlike the communal space you shared with the other TA’s back in grad school, it’s all yours. The wall-mounted shelves have been filled with books, your desk is stocked with sticky notes, highlighters, and your favorite pens, and you even managed to bring some small plants from your new apartment.

Feeling satisfied, despite the constant hum of nervous energy you’re sure will stick around until the first week is over, you sit back in your chair and rest your head against the wall. That’s when you hear it.

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend The lonely night dreaming of a song...

It’s music, coming from the office next door — an old song you swear you’ve heard before, but you’re not sure where. When you tilt your head, listening more closely, you hear someone moving around.

When stars are bright, you are in my arms, The nightingale, tells his fairy tale Of paradise, where roses grew...

You’re curious about your mystery colleague. After all, it’s nearly seven o’clock on a Friday evening, and you suspect you’re the only two crazy enough to still be here. While you’ve met the department chair and a few of the other professors, you have yet to meet everyone. And nobody so far has mentioned having the corner office right next to yours.

But then your phone vibrates, reminding you that if you don’t hurry up, you’ll be late to dinner with an old friend who’s passing through town. You grab your bag and keys and quietly shut your office door behind you. The door to your right is closed, but you can see light spilling out from beneath it.

Before you walk away, you take note of the name plate: Erwin Smith, PhD

• • •

The first day of classes is a whirlwind. You barely have time to eat lunch, and you empathize with your students as you, too, struggle to locate your various assigned classrooms on a still-unfamiliar campus.

By the time you return to the English department for office hours, you feel frazzled. Carrying a lukewarm coffee in a to-go cup and an armful of student info sheets in labeled folders, you quickly round the corner — and walk straight into someone.

“Oof.” Your folders tumble to the floor, and coffee splashes onto your shirt. The only reason you don’t lose your balance completely is a large, warm hand at the small of your back, preventing gravity from wreaking even further havoc.

“Are you alright?”

When you look up, you have to remind your brain that words exist and you should use them. Because the man in front of you — who, much to your embarrassment, is holding you rather close — is very, very handsome.

Golden hair, carefully combed back. Bright blue eyes that reflect a concerned warmth. Strong features, sharp cheekbones, a smile that would make anyone melt...

“Y-yes! I’m fine!” Once you’ve found your footing, you glance down at yourself, and then notice you’re not the only one who’s now coffee-stained.

“I’m so sorry,” you say, kneeling down to collect your folders and the many papers that slipped out of them. “I need to be more careful.”

“No, no, it’s my fault,” the man assures you, squatting down to help. “And I keep a spare shirt in my office. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve spilled coffee on myself while grading papers.”

Your fingers brush against his when you both reach for the same folder, and you feel your cheeks grow warm. “Still, though, I’m really sorry.”

You both stand, and he smiles kindly. “Please don’t worry about it. Can I help you carry these? It’s the least I can do.”

You nod and walk down the narrow hallway, with him trailing close behind you. “I’m going to take a guess and say you’re the new hire,” he ventures.

“Is it that obvious?” you ask with a small laugh.

“I’ve been here for a while now, so new faces stand out. Keith said you moved here for the job?”

You’re so flustered, it takes you a moment to connect the name with the stern but friendly department chair. “Yeah. New city, new job, new everything...”

“That’s a lot to be dealing with.”

When you reach your office door and retrieve your keys from your bag, the man behind you chuckles. “So it is you. I wondered, but they haven’t put your name plate up yet.”

“Hmm?” You turn to find him grinning and pointing at the door next to yours — the office of your mystery colleague.

“This is me. Sorry, I should’ve introduced myself — Erwin Smith.” He goes to offer his hand, then realizes your arms are full. You both share an awkward laugh.

You unlock the door and gesture for him to come in. “I’m beginning to think that we both apologize too much,” you tease, dropping the folders onto your desk and tossing the now-empty cup in the trash.

“Only when I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself and made a questionable first impression.” Erwin hands you the remaining folders and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“No, you’re fine! Really, I appreciate the help.” You offer your hand and return his smile. “Let’s try this again. I’m Y/N.”

You notice that his hand is lightly calloused as it closes around yours. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” And you can tell from the look on his face that he means it.

• • •

Over the next few weeks, you see more and more of Erwin, as you both adjust to your respective schedules and learn when they overlap. He holds office hours at the same time as you, and since it’s still early in the semester, it’s unusual for students to actually show up. More often than not, you end up in his office. It’s larger and more comfortable — “lived in” he joked the first time you saw it, telling you about the evenings he’s inadvertently fallen asleep on the small sofa, reading after a late grad class.

There are twice as many shelves as there are in yours, all of them absolutely crammed with books. You could spend hours perusing them all. Sometimes, after you’ve finished grading papers, you pick one at random and page through it.

“Where are you?” Erwin will ask, in the midst of his own grading, and you’ll read a line from whatever book you’re holding, playing a little guessing game with him. More often than not, he knows the title and author from the smallest of clues. It’s obscenely attractive.

Then again, everything about him is attractive. You often feel guilty for sneaking glances at him while he’s preoccupied, watching how his brow furrows while writing an email, noticing when he rolls up his sleeves, revealing hard, lean muscle, thinking that he has no right to look so good while wearing reading glasses. On the few occasions he’s caught your gaze, always offering a small smile, you mentally berate yourself. He’s a friend — your first real friend here. But he’s also a colleague. Keep it professional, Y/N...

You meet his friends when he invites you to join them for weekly trivia nights at their favorite bar, the Garrison. All of them teach at the university, and they’ve formed their group slowly, over years of faculty get-togethers, awards ceremonies, and one terrible team-building camping trip. Hange, who teaches chemistry, immediately adds you to their group chat, which mostly consists of them spamming everyone with memes and Levi from the history department colorfully (but also endearingly) insulting everyone.

By the time midterms come around, your office hours have become much busier. But you still make time to talk with Erwin, and you’ve even spent time together off campus, when he offered to give you a tour of his favorite museum. When you mentioned it to Hange, they nearly spilled beer all over the table, gasping, “You two finally went on a date?!” Erwin choked, coughing as Levi pounded a fist against his back, and you were positive your face was so hot, it would spontaneously combust. Neither of you mentioned it afterwards.

But that hasn’t changed the fact that you have the biggest crush on him. And you’re not sure what to do about it. His friends — now your friends, too — haven’t exactly been subtle about trying to make something happen between the two of you. But neither you nor Erwin has made a move.

This evening, you’ve both stayed late, in an attempt to catch up on paperwork. You notice him stand and walk to the old turntable in the corner, changing the record. The song that begins to play makes you lift your head from the pile of tests sitting on your crossed legs.

“It’s that song.” When Erwin looks at you, puzzled, you explain, “You were playing it, the first time I was here — before the semester began.” Your face heats up as he continues to stare at you. “Sorry, that’s weird, right? I just... didn’t know anyone else was here, and it was a nice song, and —”

He laughs, raising his hands as he approaches you. “Whoa there. It’s okay, you just surprised me. It’s a favorite of mine — ‘Stardust’ by Hoagy Carmichael. My parents used to dance to it sometimes, when they stayed up late drinking wine, thinking I was asleep.”

“Let me guess,” you say, propping your chin on your hand. “You pretended and then read books beneath the covers.”

Erwin smiles. “Guilty.” He stands there for a moment, seeming thoughtful. And then he asks, softly, “Did you think it was a date?”

You blink up at him, setting your papers aside. “Oh. I... Um... No.” You’ve grown close enough to him that you can now read the subtle shifts in his expressions, and when you see a flash of disappointment, you blurt out, “But I wanted it to be.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I’m just... not great at things like this. Especially with a coworker. I didn’t want to make things complicated.”

Your gaze is fixed on the floor, so you don’t notice him sit beside you until the sofa cushion dips. When you turn to look at him, he smiles. “I’ve been feeling the same way. And I didn’t want you to think we’re only friends because of that — like I had an ulterior motive or something.”

He reaches for your hand but hesitates, allowing you to meet him halfway and entwine your fingers with his. There’s an almost imperceptible sigh of relief before he murmurs, “I like spending time with you. I’m sorry I’ve wasted some of it trying to figure out the best strategy, when I could’ve just... told you that.”

You squeeze his hand and smile. “That sounds an awful lot like an apology, Dr. Smith.”

Erwin chuckles. “Well, then, instead of ‘sorry,’ I’ll go with, ‘Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?’ And to be clear, this would definitely be a date.”

“Hmm...” You glance at the clock on the wall. “It’s only eight. Is tonight too soon?” When his eyebrows inch upwards, you remind him, “You said you didn’t want to waste any more time. And if you do any more work tonight, you’ll end up doing that thing where you pinch the bridge of your nose over and over.”

He lets out a loud laugh. “Someone’s been paying attention.”

“You make it hard not to.” You stand, pulling his hand to your lips and brushing a soft kiss across his knuckles. It’s worth it, to see his blush deepen. “So... Where to?”

[fandom-space-princess]

Follow Where You Lead

midam week prompt 1: Impulsive - acting or done without forethought

Rating: General Audiences [1.6k words, fluff] Michael doesn't do impulsive. Being with Adam may just change that yet.

read below the cut, or on AO3

Adam is cooking when, for the first time since his return to life, he hears his favorite song.

The local DJ spins a set of mid-2000s pop hits. Rhythmic bass and powerful vocals simmer through the air, compel him into humming and tapping along with his hands on every available surface as he moves through the kitchen. Each song stirs nostalgia in his chest, a happy glow.

Michael putters alongside him, digging through a low cupboard in search of a glass baking dish. Adam, sliding past, transitions seamlessly from tapping fingers along the countertop to drumming on Michael's shoulders instead. From where his head is buried in the cupboard comes a faint huff of amusement.

Then the track change hits. Drums, precise and powerful. Commanding bass. A guitar intro that had been going for the jugular since 2005 and never, ever stopped.

Adam grins wide, all teeth. Reaches for his phone and fiddles with the volume - there has only ever been one way to listen to this song (loud). Tips back his head and all but shouts the opening line.

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?..."

Michael startles, bumps his head against the top of the cupboard. He sprawls backward with an oof, peering up at Adam from the floor with a look of such unearthly confusion that Adam can't help but laugh, even as he reaches down to clasp his arm and help him up.

"Man, I haven't heard this in ages! C'mon, Michael. Dance with me!" He's catching at Michael's wrists, leading him out of the kitchen and into the clearer space of the dining room. Michael follows, and even through his obvious hesitation he smiles. Adam's joy is infectious.

"I don't... know how to dance to this." Michael leans into Adam's space anyway, pitching his voice to carry over the sound.

"Nobody knows how to dance to this, that's part of the appeal." Adam rolls his eyes and just pulls Michael after him, swaying and spinning and singing along.

It's almost like time travel. For three minutes and 49 seconds, he might swear he's 15 all over again. Young and free and — he glances at Michael, draws him closer with hands on his hips and laughter in his eyes — in love, happier than a younger Adam would have ever believed his future self could grow to be. Dancing and singing in the kitchen with an angel. An angel who, though his brow still crinkles with amusement and his enthusiasm for this weird little artifact of human culture could never match Adam's own, is willing to cook with him and dance with him and stay with him and love him back.

The future, Adam thinks, is turning out to be pretty great.

-----

"I bet I can do it."

"I don't doubt that you're capable, I'm only saying that it may not be precisely wise."

The park is almost empty, save for a few sparse joggers or dog-walkers, and the old oak tree under which they stand spreads limbs invitingly down to them. In the warm spring sunlight, the soft leaves and strong branches offer a tempting perch, and the tree's position at the top of the hill on which they find themselves creates a natural overlook.

The view from up there, Adam thinks, is probably spectacular.

"I'm gonna do it." Adam grasps the lowest branch, then lifts his feet to let it take his weight. Solid. He grins. "Come on, Michael, what's the worst that can happen? You can't tell me you're scared of heights."

Michael appraises him skeptically, from where he continues to pointedly manifest standing on the ground. "What if you fall?"

"You won't let me fall and we both know it. Relax a little. This is what most people call 'fun.'" Adam clambers up onto the next branch, edges his way around the tree trunk, and pulls himself higher still.

"Adam you are attracting attention get down from there," Michael hisses through gritted teeth. He looks around. A woman and child pass them on the trail nearby, the child goggling up at him and tugging her mother's sleeve as she points. He waves. The woman smiles and shakes her head, chuckling, and they continue on their walk.

"See?" He says, leaning out to stare down at Michael. He arches an eyebrow, challenging, playful. "She didn't care. You shouldn't either. Come onnnn, Mike. The view up here is great. Live a little. Climb the tree."

The view from the top is, indeed, spectacular.

Adam nestles himself on a strong bough about three-quarters of the way up (past which the branches become too spindly for even his sense of adventure). Spread out in panorama below, the town is alive with the midday hum of people moving about their business: cars on the streets, pedestrians on the sidewalks, shopping and working and just... living.

Michael manifests next to him on the branch with a huff. He curls close to Adam, arm around his shoulders.

"No fair just appearing up here," Adam says with a grin. "You have to climb up it to get the full experience."

The expression the archangel gives him is dubious to say the least, but there's an underpinning of mirth there, too. He shakes his head at the foolishness of his human, and Adam tips his head onto his shoulder.

Michael leans his head back against Adam's, and hums thoughtfully. They sit in companionable silence for long moments. Then, with a fondness in his voice that melts through Adam's heart and stirs warmth in his veins:

"You were right," he whispers, "about the view."

-----

Adam dangles his feet over the edge of the sheer basalt cliff, peering out over the drop. "Ok, yeah. That's a long way down."

The waters churning over the cliffside rumble in profound natural agreement with the sentiment. Nearly 200 feet of uninterrupted freefall into the basin below; the river is well-suited to the landscape around it. Like everything else in this place, from the high dusty scrublands to the plateaus and canyons carved out of the Earth by glacial floods in eons past, the waterfall is a thing of stark, severe beauty. Power and inevitability have shaped it, without remorse, and the awe it commands is due as much to this as anything else.

Some things need no ornamentation to show their glory.

They have come out here, away from people, from civilization, to think, to just be. Michael often needs open spaces and solitude upon returning from Heaven. Adam understands. The few times he had accompanied the archangel back there, it had felt... not claustrophobic, exactly. But it was no longer the monastic haven of family of Michael's memories, and though the ghosts that roamed those halls weren't Adam's, in haunting Michael they haunted him as well.

"You don't have to keep going back, you know?" He prods Michael gently across their shared mindspace, at the place near the back of his consciousness where he is most aware of the archangel's brooding silence. "If it makes you miserable, you should stay away for awhile. They would understand."

I really can't, Michael sighs. His grace, where it brushes Adam's mind, feels exhausted, bruised, worn thin. It had been a long day. I have a duty to them. Every time I return it seems there is only more to be done.

Adam lays back onto the hard earth, crosses his hands behind his head. Closes his eyes. "There's always going to be more to be done, Michael. You need to set boundaries around how much they can ask of you. Even though they're your family." He pauses, considering. "Especially because they're your family."

Overhead, a pair of hawks circle each other, gliding along updrafts in the cloudless sky.

"When was the last time you made a real decision, an important one, that was just about you?" His voice is quiet. Adam presses a hand over his heart, where Michael most often seems a physical presence within his body, a weighty coil of energy and light. "Not for Heaven, or for Jack, or for your brothers. Or even for me. When was the last time you did something just because you wanted to?"

A handful of heartbeats pass, during which the only sound is the rumble of the falls and the breeze over shifting sands. Then Michael stirs within him, muted heat pressing back against his chest and the fleeting impression of a sly smile just behind his lips.

When I decided to stay with you, he murmurs, joy and gratitude suffusing through their body. Adam melts under the embrace of it.

"I love you, too," he says. A thought grabs hold of him, then, pulls him in and won't let go, and he stumbles to his feet with a giggle. "Hey, come out here a second. I wanna ask you something."

The archangel appears next to him, one hand tangled in his own, eyes soft and joyful. "Anything you like. What is it?"

"Do angels get married?"

Michael blinks, once, surprised. "Not generally, no."

"Do you want to?"

He looks back at Adam with a quizzical tilt of the head. Emotions roil within him: hesitation and confusion, yes, these by reflex, but underneath a vast resounding happiness that bubbles up within his grace and sings through their veins. Adam meets it with patience, and with love.

"I..." he starts, and looks away for a moment. But Adam squeezes his hand, gently, and it's like throwing a light switch: Michael is smiling back at him with a radiance to rival the sun. "You know, I think I do."

One long peal of laughter wells up out of Adam's throat, and then he's running, straight at the edge. He clears the precipice in one headlong leap, arms extended and laughter still ringing back to him off the canyon walls. Michael's voice joins with his own, and his wings burst into being at their shoulders.

Together they ride the air currents higher and higher, twisting up and away, into the sky.

[its-bound-to-get-loud]

Why I believe 5SOS didn’t work as a pop-punk band (+ my opinion on THAT Rolling Stone article)

This title of this post may be an unpopular opinion for a lot of you. But I don’t believe 5SOS worked as a pop-punk band. In this post I will explain exactly why. I hope that even if you don’t agree, you will at least understand my POV. This post is probably gonna have a lot of text. Not a lot of links, videos or pictures involved. I hope it will still be interesting for you. All of this is just my personal opinion, I have no way of proving that this is 100% true. It’s just a careful deduction of things I’ve seen and thought about over the last few months, mixed with some personal opinions. With this post I’m trying to tackle some topics that are being talked about often and showing them in a different light. I’ve put quite a lot of time into writing this, so I’m hoping you will appreciate it. Finally a huge, massive thank you to my friend R for proofreading this, it means a lot to me.

To start things off, I’ve had quite a lot of thoughts about this topic: I don’t think 5SOS truly worked as a pop-punk band. The image didn’t fit them and it wasn’t right for their era. It was a fun sound, I enjoy listening to it, they probably even enjoyed making it. Obviously fans enjoyed it as well. I fully believe that when they first started, pop-punk is what the guys wanted to sound like. It’s the music they listened to, those were the bands they looked up to. When they got signed they had not been a band for a super long time, they were young and barely had any experience in both life and music. I’m not someone with an extensive knowledge of pop-punk groups, but from what I know a lot of these bands were misfits, outcasts. People who didn’t feel like they had a place in society. In some cases from broken homes, with bad childhoods, etc. That’s who they were and it’s what their music was about.

I’d say 5SOS as whole do fit those characteristics. They were from a small town where music wasn’t really a career for most people. So they felt the need to get out of their town and pursue music. Michael dropped out of school for music, Ashton obviously had a very difficult home situation. Calum has mentioned that his family didn’t have a lot of money when he was younger. I’m not sure how the situation was for the others. But besides this, everyone but Ashton came from a stable home, Calum’s parents separated later on. So I can see why the guys related to these pop punk bands put out songs about this. Especially when you’re a teenager you often feel misunderstood by everyone else.

But when 5SOS started they looked more like a boyband than a pop punk band. Their earliest songs were mostly love songs. While the boys might have felt like being a pop punk band, and maybe even considered themselves to be one, I would say they were more of a pop/pop rock band.

In some cases a label can mold an artist or band into a certain image upon signing. But 5SOS had already gathered a following before they were even signed, so molding them into a rougher pop-punk image right upon signing would not have worked, it would not have been organic. They probably didn’t want to alienate the fans they already had, because they were valuable in getting the word out about 5SOS.

Their first manager, Adam Wilkinson, didn’t seem to think 5SOS would work as a pop-punk band as well. Just look at these quotes taken from That infamous 2015 Rolling Stone article (I will not link it, because I despise it, just google if you feel the need to read it).

“While they cannot cross into the realm of pop punk, they can stand on the sidelines and capture the end of that market.”

“They always wanted to be Blink 182 or Good Charlotte, but I’ll be the first to admit I thought that was shooting too far,” says Wilkinson. “We tried to make them a little more pop.”

That last quote is basically what happened. 5SOS ended up connected to One Direction, a huge pop act at the time. A connection that wasn’t as much of a “coincidence” as they wanted to make it look like. Louis was never the one to truly discover 5SOS, this was simply a smart PR decision to connect 5SOS to the 1D fanbase and grow their audience. I highly suggest reading this post that lays out exactly how 5SOS came to get signed and how their connection to 1D began. You will see that there is clear evidence that it didn’t happen like they wanted us to believe.

And let’s be real. Take a look at this early 5SOS picture. Does this look like the next Green Day or All Time Low? They all look like the boy next door, with maybe the exception of Michael. Basically they had the looks of a boyband, and while they never have been a traditional boyband (and certainly aren’t now), they certainly were marketed as one early on. This is a label that still sticks to them to this day.

I fully believe that their team (management/record label) tried to slowly evolve them into a more pop-punk image as they got bigger. They couldn’t ride the 1D train forever and had to stand on their own 2 feet. That’s where we arrive at the Sounds Good Feels Good era. This is a fascinating era for me, because there is a shift. Their looks start changing, suddenly they slowly become rockstars, piercings start happening. The boys are growing up. They are old enough to drink, girls are in the picture, etc. Musically it’s also clear that their sound is changing. The self-titled album is still fairly pop-rock, 1D but a little edgier perhaps. Sounds Good Feels Good is the more pop-punk album. But is it really? Because as most fans will know, the album knows 2 sounds. It has the clear pop-punk bops, such as Money or Safety Pin (to name a few), but there’s also some songs that already predict the sound for Youngblood such as, for example, Waste The Night and Vapor. It’s clear to me that while they probably still enjoyed their pop-punk sound the guys were growing up and were slowly discovering what music their sound as a band should be.

If we’re being honest for a moment. What songs from SGFG really feel the most personal? Sure, She’s Kinda Hot is a bop, but what about Vapor? Vapor is by far my favorite song on the album, it tells me a story, it makes me feel emotion. Now I’m very biased towards SKH, because (unpopular opinion) I don’t like the song much because of the lyrics. But that’s a different story (we may get to that someday). There is nothing wrong with a song that’s a bop, you need those. I could enjoy SKH if it wasn’t for the lyrics. But bops can have meaning too. SKH doesn’t in my opinion. Besides the fact that the guys were growing up and maturing their sound, the music scene just wasn’t very pop-punk or even rock based anymore. It wasn’t a sound that was popular anymore.

I took a look at the billboard charts and pulled some statistics. Friday October 23 was the release date for SGFG. The Top 3 Billboard hot 100 songs that week were

The Weeknd – The Hills

Drake – Hotline Bling

Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean?

The songs/artists closest to 5SOS in sound in the WHOLE Billboard Hot 100 that week were One Direction – Drag Me Down, Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman and Twenty One Pilots – Stressed Out. That’s 3 songs in a list of 100 songs and you can debate how close the sound of those actually was to the sound of 5SOS at the time.

Taking a look at the Billboard 200 Year-End chart, the #1 is Taylor Swift – 1989. SGFG ended up at #136 (keep in mind that the album was released in October, so close to the end of the year). 5SOS self-titled ended up at #73. The LIVESOS album ranked #176. There’s a few other records that can be considered rock in the list, but barely any pop-punk in the whole chart. The only one to be considered for that title would be Fall Out Boy’s – American Beauty/American Psycho album, which was #15.

Pop-punk or rock in general, wasn’t a popular sound that topped the charts around the time 5SOS got started as a mainstream act. Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week 5SOS released their first ep (Unplugged) was Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. The real mainstream success of pop-punk was mostly in the late 90’s running all the way through the early 2000’s. This is why I wonder why the label tried to make them into a pop-punk band in the first place. My best guess is that their team relied on the fans to push the success of the band forward after they came off of 1D’s Where We Are tour. They might have tried to create an edgier version of 1D with similar success. Where you create a fan base that is big enough to support the band without the need of casual listeners or fans from different demographics (male, female, old, young, etc.).

I think they relied too much on 1D fans to gravitate towards 5SOS as well, which may have been a mistake. Not all 1D fans actually liked 5SOS, some even actively stayed away from them the more they were pushed under their noses. When I entered the 1D fandom in 2014 most things I saw about 5SOS were negative. 1D fans considered them problematic and didn’t like them. This is partially why I steered away from 5SOS at the time. Besides that, I had enough going on with 1D to keep me occupied. Of course 5SOS’s fan base still grew quite a bit from the 1D exposure, but they never got to the same heights as 1D did. In several interviews the guys have said that they were being called “the biggest band that nobody has ever heard of”.

On a more personal note. As a recent fan, the whole pop-punk image never felt very genuine to me. Which might be because I came into the fandom backwards, starting with CALM and going back to their older material after that (side note: I did listen to the Youngblood album once or twice before). Don’t get me wrong, I love SGFG, I play it regularly. Money is a banger, Hey Everybody!, a bop, Permanent Vacation, love it! But as a fan I like to identify with songs and recognize that the artist is telling something that is personal to them. I don’t get that feeling from some of these songs. 

An example of a song that is emotional, yet (mostly) not personal to the band is Broken Home. It’s a beautiful song, but I generally skip it. 1, because it’s a very sad song and it’s not always something I’m in the mood for. 2, because it’s not a song I relate to on a personal level. And most importantly 3, I don’t see the song relating to 5SOS as people, other than maybe Ashton. An interesting quote about the song, made by their producer John Feldman, is on the genius page for this song.

“Other than Ashton, the three guys have parents who are still together. Ashton has never met his father. Ashton really connected into the theme. “We’re saying something with this song, it’s going to connect with the audience, at least 50% of our audience comes from broken homes. We’re actually taking a stand.” The other guys are loyal and family-driven and sweet, so they were like, “What are our parents going to think about us singing about a broken home when we don’t come from broken homes? How authentic is it?” It was a two-month debate.”

So the guys themselves were already questioning the authenticity of the topic when they were recording it. Ashton connected to the theme of the song, but the others didn’t. It wasn’t something they had experienced. It doesn’t say why the song made it on the album anyway. As stated in the quote, a lot fans can relate to it. I’m sure many fans found comfort in the song, which is a nice thing. The song doesn’t make you relate to the band though. If any of them had written this song from a personal experience it would have connected a lot differently. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that the song is not personal, it just doesn’t feel very genuine when you know the artist has no relation to the story they are telling.

Moving on to the 2015 Rolling Stone article I have mentioned before. This seems to cause some division among fans. Was it all true or was it made up? My opinion is that it’s a mixture of truth and BS. But a whole lot of it feels taken out context or exaggerated. I have been a fan since March, so I wasn’t around at the time this came out. But since becoming a fan I have watched tons of interviews and clips and have extensively discussed this band with my friend, so I’d like to say I have done my homework and have a good picture of this band. On top of that I’d like to think being a 1D fan sharpened my critical thinking skills and might have helped me see through certain bullshit. I don’t claim to be the person with all the answers, but maybe my thoughts make sense to some people. There might be some context that I’m missing or facts that I haven’t come across, if you feel like there’s a piece of information I’m missing, feel free to let me know.

The way the article starts, it reads like fanfiction. Literally. The extensive description of the surroundings, the time of day, everything. The first time I read it, it made me cringe so hard I had trouble getting through the whole thing. First things first. This interview takes place the day after the AMA’s. Who the fuck scheduled this? Either someone should have prevented them from getting drunk and partying, or they should have scheduled this on another day when these guys were in a better state of mind. That is, assuming things went the way they went as described in the article. Which is something I highly doubt.

The only direct source saying that this article is not genuine is this tweet from Luke. Besides that I have only read secondhand that the band and people surrounding them have spoken up about the inaccuracy of the article.

Some people believe 5SOS could have sued Rolling Stone for slander if this article was really as false as they claim. Now I’m no lawyer, but this is not how things work in the entertainment industry. An article like this has been agreed upon before. The interviewer didn’t just decide to drop by one day. During celebrity interviews there’s always someone from their management or PR team around to make sure they don’t say any stupid shit. Celebrities are a brand, they have an image to protect, albums to sell. If they say things that make them look bad it can cause damage to their good name. Record companies have invested money in artists and they want to see a profit in return. They don’t want to risk losing money, that’s why celebrities have PR teams. RS may have had a reputation for being a very honorable publication, but these days that’s not the case. They are not that far removed from cheap gossip rags such as the Sun or The Daily Mail nowadays. They still get read by a lot of people, which puts them in a position of power. Often when an interview takes place there are certain topics that have been agreed upon before, there are also topics that can be blacklisted if the artist or their team doesn’t want them talked about. For example relationships or family matters. These will also be agreed upon beforehand.

Here is a story about a former journalist for the British tabloid The Daily Star, who has admitted to making up stories and explains how they get away with it.

For arguments sake, let’s say the guys slipped up and showed their “true colors”. With a big publication like this it’s common that their team would have to approve the article before it comes out. If there’s anything in there that was not agreed upon that they don’t like, the article can be edited.

This leaves us a few possibilities.

The article is completely true and their team is shit at their job. They failed to prevent the boys from slipping up about stuff they shouldn’t and did nothing to stop Rolling Stone from publishing.

The article is true and their team just allowed the article to be published for whatever reason.

The article isn’t true, but their team let it happen anyway, possibly because they wanted to move the band away from their boyband image into a more punk-rock image that went with their sound.

My vote goes out to the last one. I think their team wanted to make the boys look more edgy/punk-rock and get rid of their boyband image and this is how they tried to do it. I think parts of the article may be true, but a lot of it is greatly exaggerated and in some cases made up. If my theory is true, it also means 5SOS or their team had no reason to sue Rolling Stone if they wanted to. Because it would mean you have a major publication on your bad side, which means no more future promotional opportunities for the band and/or the label. While Rolling Stone may be trash, it’s a publication that a lot of people read. Therefore it’s a very important connection that you don’t want on your bad side.

If you still think they could have sued Rolling Stone then take a look at some examples from 1D. 1D has been targeted by the British tabloid The Sun for YEARS. They wrote the most awful shit, a lot of it not true. Yet they still had exclusive scoops whenever something important happened. Exclusive meaning, these topics were given to them exclusively for publishing. It was proven that their PR manager is friends with the journalist from The Sun responsible for most of the stuff written. 1D never sued The Sun for those articles, because they most likely were agreed upon by their team beforehand. 1D has never tried suing the Sun over anything, despite what they wrote. This was not 1 article, these were many articles. Especially towards the end of 1D, when it was clear their label was losing 1D, there was a smear campaign in the media to discredit 1D and its members. There was a chance some members were going to sign with a competing label, and that’s something their label didn’t like. Here is a good collection of headlines from that smear campaign. Nobody ever got sued over these articles.

Do you still think 5SOS could have just stood up and sued Rolling Stone? The entertainment business is full of politics. If you don’t play the game you’re out. Also, question yourself. Why does Luke still say the article was twisted and inaccurate 4,5 years later? He has owned up and apologized for past mistakes, yet he keeps insisting the article didn’t tell the truth. He even goes to say that the article “broke and hurt him”. If you believe Luke is still covering his ass for what he said in that article, that essentially would he mean he is emotionally manipulating people by saying the article hurt him. Is that the person you think Luke is?

1 more thing I want to point out. Yes, I am aware of the fact that Calum has a large version of the magazine cover hanging around in his house. I can’t say exactly why. This is my best guess. That cover was still a big thing in their career, despite the article, it is still a Rolling Stone cover. That’s a milestone that not every artist gets to do in their career. Just because he has the cover hanging around doesn’t mean he enjoyed the article that came with it.

This whole post has gotten super long, it may not be the easiest thing to get through. So thank you if you made it till the end. As stated before, this whole thing is mostly just my opinion. But the parts about how PR teams work are a fact. I do not work in the music or entertainment industry, I’m not a lawyer, so I may have gotten some things wrong. If I did, please let me know and I will try to fix it. Feedback is always appreciated.

[neverheardnothing]

hello. over my tumblr break a few months ago i got bored enough to count the frequencies of every word in joe iconis songs and i don’t know what else to do with this info so here y’all go. every word in joe iconis songs with 10+ occurrences in descending order but i also factored out the 250 most common words in the english language badly (warning, this is a 484 item long list).

1 ('i', 2375) 2 ("i'm", 708) 3 ("it's", 366) 4 ('oh', 312) 5 ('gonna', 204) 6 ('yeah', 175) 7 ('got', 163) 8 ("you're", 160) 9 ('am', 160) 10 ('na', 149) 11 ('wanna', 130) 12 ('hey', 129) 13 ('love', 127) 14 ('feel', 122) 15 ("i'll", 117) 16 ('things', 111) 17 ('really', 97) 18 ("i'd", 97) 19 ('bang', 93) 20 ('girl', 87) 21 ('ever', 86) 22 ("can't", 84) 23 ('better', 78) 24 ("there's", 78) 25 ("she's", 78) 26 ("i've", 75) 27 ('whoa', 74) 28 ('baby', 73) 29 ("that's", 70) 30 ('gotta', 69) 31 ("we're", 68) 32 ("ain't", 63) 33 ("won't", 63) 34 ('cool', 61) 35 ('song', 58) 36 ('away', 57) 37 ('anymore', 56) 38 ('because', 55) 39 ('ya', 55) 40 ('always', 54) 41 ('remember', 54) 42 ('gone', 51) 43 ('guess', 51) 44 ('person', 51) 45 ('woman', 49) 46 ('sing', 49) 47 ('blood', 49) 48 ('stay', 48) 49 ('care', 48) 50 ('into', 47) 51 ('mind', 46) 52 ('whatever', 46) 53 ('jeremy', 45) 54 ("didn't", 45) 55 ('wish', 45) 56 ('feeling', 43) 57 ('ooh', 43) 58 ('cuz', 43) 59 ("you'll", 43) 60 ('ribbit', 43) 61 ('everything', 42) 62 ("you've", 42) 63 ('done', 41) 64 ('nothing', 41) 65 ('fine', 41) 66 ('girls', 41) 67 ('something', 40) 68 ('please', 40) 69 ('hate', 40) 70 ('walk', 40) 71 ('nanana', 40) 72 ('going', 39) 73 ('maybe', 39) 74 ('hear', 39) 75 ('used', 39) 76 ('fall', 39) 77 ('wrong', 38) 78 ('fire', 37) 79 ('rather', 37) 80 ('around', 36) 81 ('shit', 36) 82 ('ba', 36) 83 ('heart', 36) 84 ('leave', 36) 85 ('ah', 36) 86 ('being', 36) 87 ('oh-h', 36) 88 ("he's", 35) 89 ('till', 35) 90 ('fight', 35) 91 ('face', 35) 92 ('la-la-la', 35) 93 ('da', 35) 94 ("let's", 34) 95 ('sure', 34) 96 ('hope', 34) 97 ('nana', 34) 98 ('guy', 33) 99 ('knew', 33) 100 ('wanted', 33) 101 ('shoot', 33) 102 ('em', 32) 103 ('rich', 32) 104 ('together', 32) 105 ('looking', 32) 106 ('myself', 32) 107 ('knock', 32) 108 ('chop', 32) 109 ('makes', 31) 110 ('since', 31) 111 ('whiskey', 31) 112 ('uh', 30) 113 ("they're", 30) 114 ('gimme', 30) 115 ('rick', 30) 116 ('somebody', 29) 117 ('those', 29) 118 ("doesn't", 29) 119 ('red', 29) 120 ('totally', 29) 121 ('hell', 29) 122 ("what's", 29) 123 ('hall', 29) 124 ('die', 29) 125 ('annie', 29) 126 ('bad', 28) 127 ('stop', 28) 128 ("you'd", 28) 129 ('listen', 28) 130 ('mamma', 28) 131 ('la-la-la-la', 28) 132 ('do-do', 28) 133 ('tonight', 27) 134 ('okay', 27) 135 ('hair', 27) 136 ("c'mon", 27) 137 ('roll', 27) 138 ('without', 27) 139 ('michael', 27) 140 ('christine', 27) 141 ('bounty', 27) 142 ('almost', 26) 143 ('another', 26) 144 ('kinda', 26) 145 ('mine', 26) 146 ('rock', 26) 147 ('records', 26) 148 ('music', 26) 149 ('lonely', 25) 150 ('words', 25) 151 ('heard', 25) 152 ('yo', 25) 153 ('madeline', 25) 154 ('says', 25) 155 ('band', 25) 156 ('lots', 25) 157 ('alive', 25) 158 ('god', 24) 159 ('times', 24) 160 ('battle', 24) 161 ('skin', 24) 162 ('dada', 24) 163 ('revolution', 24) 164 ('institution', 24) 165 ('broke', 23) 166 ('talk', 23) 167 ('eyes', 23) 168 ("who's", 23) 169 ('hold', 23) 170 ('burned', 23) 171 ('morning', 23) 172 ('chill', 23) 173 ('pretty', 23) 174 ('car', 23) 175 ('young', 23) 176 ('la-la', 23) 177 ('tired', 23) 178 ('nation', 23) 179 ('friend', 22) 180 ('everybody', 22) 181 ('rehearsal', 22) 182 ('true', 22) 183 ('inside', 22) 184 ('squip', 22) 185 ('ready', 21) 186 ('best', 21) 187 ('understand', 21) 188 ('else', 21) 189 ('lot', 21) 190 ('party', 21) 191 ('ignore', 21) 192 ('bit', 21) 193 ('cut', 21) 194 ('gets', 20) 195 ('sometimes', 20) 196 ("isn't", 20) 197 ('whole', 20) 198 ("everybody's", 20) 199 ('starts', 20) 200 ('feels', 20) 201 ('everyone', 20) 202 ('room', 20) 203 ('dry', 20) 204 ('nice', 20) 205 ('juvie', 20) 206 ('sleep', 20) 207 ('wonder', 20) 208 ('size', 20) 209 ('ass', 20) 210 ('welcome', 20) 211 ('seen', 19) 212 ('weird', 19) 213 ('soon', 19) 214 ('yourself', 19) 215 ('alone', 19) 216 ('flame', 19) 217 ('taking', 19) 218 ('friends', 19) 219 ('enough', 19) 220 ('born', 19) 221 ('lordy', 19) 222 ('hunter', 19) 223 ('relate', 19) 224 ('yai', 19) 225 ('today', 18) 226 ('loser', 18) 227 ('bitch', 18) 228 ('until', 18) 229 ('arm', 18) 230 ('comes', 18) 231 ('dead', 18) 232 ('told', 18) 233 ('ow', 18) 234 ('honey', 18) 235 ('years', 18) 236 ('whack', 18) 237 ("we'll", 18) 238 ('n', 18) 239 ('nerd', 18) 240 ('fell', 18) 241 ('dad', 17) 242 ('pants', 17) 243 ('huh', 17) 244 ('nobody', 17) 245 ('mad', 17) 246 ('getting', 17) 247 ("wasn't", 17) 248 ('scared', 17) 249 ('wait', 17) 250 ('body', 17) 251 ('quite', 17) 252 ('hands', 17) 253 ('ohh', 17) 254 ('hurt', 17) 255 ('deserve', 17) 256 ('ride', 17) 257 ('game', 17) 258 ('survive', 17) 259 ('upgrade', 17) 260 ('free', 17) 261 ('certain', 17) 262 ('wha-oh', 17) 263 ('cigarettes', 17) 264 ('writer', 17) 265 ('bands', 17) 266 ('hunters', 17) 267 ('hang', 16) 268 ("wouldn't", 16) 269 ('age', 16) 270 ('cry', 16) 271 ('sky', 16) 272 ('past', 16) 273 ('behind', 16) 274 ('someone', 16) 275 ('saying', 16) 276 ('black', 16) 277 ('job', 16) 278 ('la', 16) 279 ('fix', 16) 280 ('alright', 16) 281 ('shot', 16) 282 ('bar', 16) 283 ('deal', 16) 284 ('respect', 16) 285 ('dog', 16) 286 ('flicks', 16) 287 ('strong', 15) 288 ("haven't", 15) 289 ('glad', 15) 290 ('next', 15) 291 ('escape', 15) 292 ('fun', 15) 293 ('though', 15) 294 ('promise', 15) 295 ('hide', 15) 296 ('ammonia', 15) 297 ('likes', 15) 298 ('thinks', 15) 299 ('yes', 15) 300 ('nurse', 15) 301 ('looks', 15) 302 ('halloween', 15) 303 ('twice', 15) 304 ('bout', 15) 305 ('sight', 15) 306 ('along', 15) 307 ('forget', 15) 308 ('voices', 15) 309 ('bathroom', 15) 310 ('master', 15) 311 ("shiro's", 15) 312 ('badass', 15) 313 ('rosalie', 15) 314 ('setting', 15) 315 ('road', 14) 316 ('dude', 14) 317 ('brain', 14) 318 ('kid', 14) 319 ('drink', 14) 320 ('means', 14) 321 ('guys', 14) 322 ('bed', 14) 323 ('doing', 14) 324 ('breathe', 14) 325 ('happy', 14) 326 ('scream', 14) 327 ('mistakes', 14) 328 ('anything', 14) 329 ('goes', 14) 330 ('blue', 14) 331 ('pretend', 14) 332 ('social', 14) 333 ('shout', 14) 334 ('geek', 14) 335 ('buddy', 14) 336 ("everything's", 14) 337 ("helen's", 14) 338 ('golden', 14) 339 ('movin', 14) 340 ('st', 14) 341 ("anne's", 14) 342 ('finally', 13) 343 ('choose', 13) 344 ('smoke', 13) 345 ('voice', 13) 346 ('terrible', 13) 347 ('happened', 13) 348 ('pass', 13) 349 ('street', 13) 350 ("couldn't", 13) 351 ('wall', 13) 352 ('instead', 13) 353 ('clear', 13) 354 ('tight', 13) 355 ('damn', 13) 356 ('susannah', 13) 357 ('smile', 13) 358 ('waiting', 13) 359 ('ground', 13) 360 ('remind', 13) 361 ('coolness', 13) 362 ('sad', 13) 363 ("things'll", 13) 364 ('brother', 13) 365 ("it'll", 13) 366 ('somewhere', 13) 367 ('veins', 13) 368 ('cat', 12) 369 ('weather', 12) 370 ('children', 12) 371 ("weren't", 12) 372 ('fucking', 12) 373 ('sorry', 12) 374 ('clean', 12) 375 ('pour', 12) 376 ('different', 12) 377 ('singing', 12) 378 ('coming', 12) 379 ('thinking', 12) 380 ('trying', 12) 381 ('sick', 12) 382 ('bone', 12) 383 ('least', 12) 384 ('lisa', 12) 385 ('nothin', 12) 386 ('dear', 12) 387 ('white', 12) 388 ('hot', 12) 389 ('charlie', 12) 390 ('family', 12) 391 ('door', 12) 392 ('korean', 12) 393 ('dodo', 12) 394 ('c-c-c', 12) 395 ('yours', 12) 396 ('c-c-c-come', 12) 397 ('wants', 11) 398 ('bloody', 11) 399 ('called', 11) 400 ('forever', 11) 401 ('sweet', 11) 402 ('soul', 11) 403 ('swear', 11) 404 ('touch', 11) 405 ('easy', 11) 406 ('days', 11) 407 ('stage', 11) 408 ('across', 11) 409 ('woah', 11) 410 ('crazy', 11) 411 ('town', 11) 412 ('dress', 11) 413 ('top', 11) 414 ('loves', 11) 415 ('rage', 11) 416 ('phone', 11) 417 ('super', 11) 418 ('feet', 11) 419 ('mess', 11) 420 ('penny', 11) 421 ('stars', 11) 422 ('supposed', 11) 423 ('miss', 11) 424 ('college', 11) 425 ('hates', 11) 426 ('quit', 11) 427 ('history', 11) 428 ('cage', 11) 429 ('falling', 11) 430 ('mcfly', 11) 431 ("i'mma", 11) 432 ('played', 11) 433 ('touching', 11) 434 ('band-aids', 11) 435 ('fox', 11) 436 ('thank', 11) 437 ('pitiful', 11) 438 ('covered', 11) 439 ('open', 10) 440 ("they'll", 10) 441 ("we've", 10) 442 ('feelings', 10) 443 ('gun', 10) 444 ('living', 10) 445 ('wow', 10) 446 ('book', 10) 447 ('wonderful', 10) 448 ('blame', 10) 449 ('brooke', 10) 450 ('space', 10) 451 ('slow', 10) 452 ('longer', 10) 453 ('naked', 10) 454 ("he'd", 10) 455 ('star', 10) 456 ('shirt', 10) 457 ('looked', 10) 458 ('i’m', 10) 459 ('standing', 10) 460 ('break', 10) 461 ('lame', 10) 462 ('ten', 10) 463 ('york', 10) 464 ('met', 10) 465 ('dreadfuls', 10) 466 ('mountain', 10) 467 ('push', 10) 468 ('two-player', 10) 469 ('war', 10) 470 ('talkin', 10) 471 ('throw', 10) 472 ('normal', 10) 473 ('hat', 10) 474 ('christmas', 10) 475 ('silver', 10) 476 ('freak', 10) 477 ('mom', 10) 478 ('garage', 10) 479 ('become', 10) 480 ('flesh', 10) 481 ('bastard', 10) 482 ('broadway', 10) 483 ('amphibian', 10) 484 ('outlaw', 10)

[mauserfrau]

Afterthought - Bordertober

This... came out a lot different than I expected.  I honestly don’t know what the hell.  

More early CoV content.  First time I posted anything with Mouthpiece.  Please read the tags.

Before— Typhon never laid a hand on him.

That might have made things easier.  He’d at least have been there, been with him, felt that his father knew him enough to backhand him when he screwed up.

But, no.  As soon as Mama was in the ground...

“Daddy, I don’t feel good.”

“Daddy can you read to me?”

“Daddy, have you seen Lil Ty.  I’m scared. I...”

“Daddy, I...”

“Daddy?”

There was seldom any answer after that, and then: a thrown glass, a sharp word, a glance in the reflection of a blank monitor.

If Tyreen hadn’t cuddled up against his back at night, he would have sworn some days that he had disappeared.  

*

He wakes up in full sun, his head in his sister’s lap. 

Troy gropes the seat beneath them.  Right, they’re in the back of a Technical.  The air conditioner cranks while he bundles himself tighter in an emergency blanket.  

Tyreen pulls her headphones and smiles down at him.  “Finally decide to join me, huh?”

“What time is it?” Troy yawns.  His back grinds uncomfortably.

“No idea.  We’re late though.”

Late is relative on Pandora.  Shit happens.

Troy remembers he’s already scripted this tour out.  Tyreen’s gotten almost too good at the verbal stabs for some of her lines.

He remembers too: “Hey, do you ever miss...”

Tyreen groans.  She shoves her headphones back into place.

*

The outpost town is dusty, dim and sunburned.  The sign advertising its underground caves hangs by half a rope and half a chain.  People peer out of fractured windows as he and his sister make their way down the street.

The headman tells them, “We’ve had some, umm, trouble again.  We did our best to clear them out...”

“Who’s them?” Troy yawns.

Tyreen snaps her fingers in his face.  “Nylex Sen.  False prophet.  Preaches abstinence.  One of her gangs.”

“Right, right.” He stops himself from rubbing his eyes.  The whirr of the camera drone stirs his hair.  And around him, the townspeople, they seem so close to their busted glass. 

*

Bandits and supplicants filter in soon after their arrival.  The hillsides glint with metal and backfires.  People wearing knives and skulls and Children of the Vault tattoos come to pay tribute.

Troy blesses anybody who asks.  Tyreen strings a handful of other headmen along and dances with psychos.  Mouthpiece parks a truck in the town square, and she climbs up on the bed.

Troy smiles.  It’s been a while since she’s done a gonzo sermon with wet armpits.

“So, what revelation should I go over for ya? Hmm?” she asks the crowd.  To a thousand different answers, she talks about herself.

If he hadn’t heard it all before, her energy would enchant him.

*

He’s going to have to tell her to stop soon.  They need at least an hour for wardrobe and makeup.  She’s brushing close to busting her voice.

Troy pushes his footmen out of the way and he heads towards her, hoping to catch her eye.

He hears it halfway through the crush of bodies.

“Hey, Daddy?”

He starts.  

No it’s...

It’s just a little girl.

Nobody he knows. 

“Mama’s not here,” a man says gently, out of all the whispers.  “The bad people’s tyrant got her.  These are good people.”

Troy stares at his boots.  He shakes Daddy from his mind.  

He tries to, anyway.

*

They get into it once the kohl comes out.  “I need to talk to you,” Troy insists.  “I need you to listen.”

“I am listening,” Tyreen groans.  She takes a hit of lip plumper.  “Captive audience, by the way.”

“No, you’re not.  Can you maybe be merciful for like five seconds?”

“I keep telling you, not that kind of god,” she sing-songs.

“Well, maybe I am.”

She pauses, turns, and flexes her swollen, pink mouth at him.  “I know what you’re thinking.”

With a pencil close to his left eye, Troy accepts whatever she says next and the glitter for his markings, even though he finds the latter ridiculous.

“And OK, whatever.  We make orphans too, you know.”

*

He tries, one more time, in that liminal, disarmed moment before they go on stage together.  He tries to press on the heart of the matter.

“Let him go.  We got away, Bro.  Look at us! Look at them!” Tyreen opens her arms to the monitors, the way she used to when they did sky sermons all the time.

Bandits line the cavern as far as all the camera drones can see.  Some stand up to their knees in too-clear toxic water.  

Today, she’s dressed some fanciful sort of general, crystals on her coat.  

Troy’s costume looks effete compared to hers.  It feels though strangely comfortable.  He fumbles his collars nonetheless. “I know you’re right, I just...”

She pulls him down to kiss him on the cheek.  Without another word, she strides past the stage curtains.

Troy follows.

*

They declare the raid as an afterthought, tacked onto the end of divine nonsense and some Coleridge because Tyreen loves Coleridge.

They’ve no sooner descended the stage than the air bristles with weapons and people testing their guns.

Tyreen spins through the flickers of cordite.

Troy takes over the actual operation because the headman can’t make sense of his orders.  So the guy’s supper for his sister then.  For now— they’re under-manned and over-gunned and it’s far later in the day than Troy would have gotten started under any other circumstances.  His is flack jacket doesn’t fit.

Snipers make short work of guards.  Their people come gushing down the canyon at sunset, leaving smoke and spatter in their wake.  The caged tyrant turns out to be so frail and thin there’s hardly any point in shooting the thing.

But somebody does it.

Troy, barely bloody, wanders in the middle of it all until someone calls him over.

*

Five of them.  Five little boys.  The one’s still in diapers.  They shiver like dead leaves when anyone looks at them.  Their skin is littered with hand prints.    

The toothless old woman who had them under her bed grins up at Troy.

“What is this?” he says.  

“Why, ah, God King, was it? Headman.  Good sieur.” How she cackles.  “Why, that’s yours.  Don’t you know spoils when you see them?”

Troy feels the echoing snap in his muscles after he’s taken her.  By the grace of his anger he holds her over his head.  She struggles.  He squeezes.  Red slop sluices onto the floor.

In the corner of his eyes, the two oldest boys cradle each other close.

His heart thunders.

*

After— the air’s full of smoke and moonbeams.  Troy makes his way to the back of a church.  Which one? The one’s they’re at tonight.  He lost track of the name someplace in the night.

His head hurts for a change.

“Hey, Ty?” he says, hand on the knob of the apartment door.  

Tyreen sprawls over the tiny bed, a $200 bottle of gin clasped to her chest and headphones blinking in her ears.  At the writing desk, Mouthpiece taps at a laser projection of a piano keyboard.  He looks up, nods, and draws on with his notes.

Troy nods too.  He leaves the door unlatched and walks back down the shadows still lining the hall.

[kangcrushupdates]

GIRLKIND BAD MANAGEMENT AND SUB-UNIT DEBUT

Hey fanforce and Girlkind occasional fans! I wanted to finally make a post about Girlkind bad management because i feel like nobody really seem to realize nor care about what is happening to Girlkind since the last time they came back, which was already a year ago. A Few of us are really concerned about Girlkind’s career as we fear things could get worse and worse till they probably disband and honestly it would be really sad to witness another amazingly talented gg disappearing like that. Fanforce alone is a really really small fandom and we realized we are not getting heard, we’ve been completely ignored since Girlkind debuted, so i’m asking kpop stans to help us and mass email the company, but first let me explain the full story of the problematic and messy things Nextlevel Ent. has done that ruined Girlkind career. I’ll try to list them chronologically.

Please read the full thing and help us save Girlkind

Culture appropriation, N word and lack of research: 

Girlkind debuted with Fanci a year ago and eventually started a meme that unfortunately will be linked to them forever, Girlkind is also known as the “Hood Unnies” because of the “All my bad unnies all my hood unnies” verse which kpoppies started using as a meme or a drag blaming Girlkind for lyrics they didn’t even composed. ROOM102 (worked with GOT7 countless of times) wrote the lyrics and composed the song for Girlkind, their company didn’t do any research and so didn’t care to double check a song that was also produced a year before its release, they basically had a whole year to eventually change the lyrics and also production but they just didn’t.

Same thing happened for Broccoli, which was a Parody single they legit called a “Mixtape” when it really wasn’t. The song was supposed to be an inside joke between us the fandom and them on their forced broccoli diet which they released a vlog about prior to the song. I don’t really understand what their company was thinking but they also thought it was necessary to release an MV for it (waste of money) in which they appropriated African hairstyles just for aesthetics. They wore Bantu knots and jumbo box braids acting hood in what looked like a urban area shooting with fake guns, now the question is...what all of this had to do with a song about a broccoli diet?? absolutely nothing, and it made things even worse, certain fandoms sent death threats, spread unnecessary hate and wished them to disband instead of educating their company sending emails, the girls were dragged for the entire year and still are now even though they had no control over it, while the company still isn’t educated.

During Girlkind debut anniversary this year i sent an email to educate the company, and throughout the year i wasn’t the only one, during Broccoli and after S.O.R.R.Y comeback, a few fans who didn’t leave the fandom sent a lot of emails too. Anyway in my email i also mentioned again to the company to double check lyrics for future covers and dance covers and make sure Girlkind doesn’t even get to mouth the N word. Unfortunately on May they posted on Bastarbastar (this app where underrated idols post their daily vlogs and short videos) Jikang’s cover of Venom by Little Simz which countains a lot of n words which Jikang eventually ended saying as well. I commented on the video ASAP and asked for it to be deleted together with other few people. The video was deleted 2 weeks after and so were the cuts posted on twitter from a few Girlkind fanpages. This shows the company never bothered to read mine and the other fan’s emails and prevent such mistakes from happening.

S.O.R.R.Y comeback and members disappearing: 

S.O.R.R.Y comeback was made possible through Makestar which  the company didn’t bother to even promote leaving all the hard work to fan pages with more or less 50-200+ followers each. We begged the whole kpop twitter and on here as well (i was girlkindsource at the time and god knows how much i begged for it to succeed) and after months of begging the project almost failed but suddenly succeeded literally 2 minutes away from closing with 1k dollar more than the goal. The teaser said we were going to get a Mini album, then a FULL ALBUM but we ended getting a SINGLE plagiarized from a demo on Diginoiz (a site that sells sound kits and demos). Knetz basically found out first and exposed and shamed both the girls and the company since the song was said to be co-produced by the members especially Medic Jin which is credited in the lyrics and melody composition as well. Their company seem not to know the difference between a single album, mini album and full studio album which are the basics when you enter the music industry how do they not know the-

Anyway, Girlkind S.O.R.R.Y comeback had 5 Live Stages ONLY, one nugu variety appeareance and consolation trains stages at military bases in which Medic Jin already isn’t participating in, and at this point we don’t know where the hell is Medic Jin, rumors said she left the group others that their company left a notice saying she was on hiatus on Girlkind Fancafe (which is false, we never found the notice), a few months after even Sun J disappeared and only 3 members were visibly active, Ellyn appeared in a drama, and only Jk and Xeheun were in dance covers. Their company would purposely crop Medic Jin out of teasers and missing in dance cover videos uploaded on youtube, but then she would be in Christmas and new lunar year greetings videos like how???

The company is not focusing on the group as a whole and is wasting money:

It’s been a year since Girlkind comeback as a whole, fans keep asking for comebacks but the company keeps focusing only on the same 2 members (Jikang and Xeheun). Since debut the company tried to make Girlkind look like Xeheun and the girls because she was supposedly the most popular member since she participated in PD101 S1, but things really didn’t happen that way, Ellyn happened to be the most popular member as she is also the visual, then Sun j because of her very cute face and aegyos, on the other side Xeheun, JK and Medic Jin ended being the least gp favourites but their company didn’t seem to care about statistics and proceeded giving JK and Xeheun poorly produced solos and MVs with little to any promotion at all wasting money and making their already least popular members flop. Girlkind was  almost debuting in Japan as a whole after a year but all of a sudden 3-4 days before the tour got cancelled and now the company is debuting a subunit made of guess what? JK and Xeheun. At this point the company really is refusing to focus on Girlkind and instead just wants to focus on two members, on top of that they also keep wasting money on projects that are really not realistic at all, Girlkind have little to any fans in Japan but anyway wanted to make them tour there to then cancel it all of a sudden “due to one-sided circumstances with the hosting company”, which i think it’s complete bs. I am SURE the reason it was cancelled was that they did not sell enough tickets for all the 5 dates, imagine 5 tour dates of a group with less than 5 fans in Japan, i’m sure the hosting company didn’t want to waste time and so they agreed to cancel the tour. Besides the tour their company wasted money for the Broccoli and S.O.R.R.Y MV (they flew all the way to Saipan for that bad MV when they could’ve stayed local and go to Jeju Island if they really wanted a summer concept for the MV), Xeheun and JK solos and unreleased shoots of their travel in Japan their company promised to release during the tour.

Girlkind honestly deserves so much more, each member is so talented and could easily be a main dancer in whatever group they would be if they weren’t together, however their company doesn’t seem to know how to showcase their talent and is making them look like a joke. Unfortunately they happened to debut in a really messy company with niggaboo stylists, negligent managers and at this point probably broke with little to no connections. The company is fairly new and we think this should be the right moment to proper educate them before it’s too late, but as i said before, we are a really really small fandom and i think that if we are in more emailing them about what we would like to see from Girlkind (dance or song covers, vlogs etc...), educate them on cultures etc... they would finally listen and take actions. Please help Fanforce save Girlkind and email the company at nextlevelent@naver.com

[themousai]

Q+A: Don’t Worry

You’ve just finished up supporting Mom Jeans on a few sold out dates of their UK tour, how was that? It was our first time opening up for a band at sold out shows, so it was a super fun and interesting experience for us. To play to 200-300+ strangers, most of whom had never heard of our band, 3 nights on the bounce was pretty wild. There weren’t even that many people at our album release show! Felt like we got a pretty decent reception too and met some lovely folk in every city. We’ll definitely be looking to do more of that kinda thing!

Your debut album ‘Who Cares Anyway?’ was released last year after several EP’s throughout your years as a band. How did it feel to finally get a full length out? Releasing a full length album has been a goal since the very start of the band. After a few EPs it just felt like the next logical step. We didn’t have much money to spend on it and we had no idea if any labels would want to put it out. But we put a lot of time and hard work into it. So it feels great now it’s finally out there! We’re super stoked on the record and the fact we got to work with an amazing label like Specialist Subject too! It feels like a big milestone.

Any highlights from this album cycle so far? We did a little run of acoustic in-stores the week leading up to the release which were a lot of fun. Our London release show was cool too. Getting played on Radio 1 was pretty sick and not something we’d ever have expected to have happened. And of course, the shows with Mom Jeans were sound! It’s been great hearing what people think and how people feel about the record.

It’s evident that there are a lot of musical influences in your music, managing to create a sound unique to your band. How do you think your sound has progressed since you’ve formed? I guess our ‘sound’ is the culmination of our collective musical histories. Some of us played in indie bands and others grew up playing and listening to heavier music. We’ve all discovered and been into all sorts of different stuff over the years. When the band started we were consciously toying with a louder and punkier sound, different especially to what Sam and Ronan had been doing previously. Over the years our sound has developed into what it is now as we’ve got used to playing together and better at writing songs. The heavier influences have been less present in more recent writing. But we’d like to think our sound is still very dynamic and we try to keep the melodies catchy and the words interesting. I guess we felt we’d really found ‘our sound’ for the first time with the album and we hope to push that further on the next record.

Your music comes across as honest and personal, do you ever find it difficult to play certain songs live because of this or do you manage to separate your emotions while on stage? SW: I personally don’t find difficult to play our songs nor do I feel the need to shut off from my emotions. For me, songwriting has always been about trying to capture feelings that seem inexplicable when they’re bouncing around in my head; about trying to articulate them and turn them into something concrete. This, as well as performing the song live when it’s finished, is an emotionally cathartic process for me. Or at least that’s the aim. RK: I also don’t ever find it difficult to play any of our songs. I do sometimes write about fairly emotional and introspective things. But like Sam said, writing and singing about them is a cathartic process for me. I guess maybe I am able to separate myself from my emotions somewhat when I’m on stage, probably just because of adrenaline. If I’m doing a particularly shouty or particularly soft part, sometimes the performance is better if I think about what I’m actually singing about.

What does Don’t Worry have in the works for the future?     2019 is the year we make Don’t Worry a bigger part of all our lives. We’re looking to get more support slots with bigger bands, do some of our own tours, and a few festivals perhaps. We’re going to finish writing our second record and hopefully go and record it somewhere fun and interesting. Maybe we’ll even release some new music this year!

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is... SW: The Man In Me by Bob Dylan RK: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon AR: Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac

Three things I can’t live without are... SW: Pizza, antihistamines, sunlight. RK: Sleep, mineral water, social interaction. AR: Earth, wind, fire.

If I could only play music in one genre for the rest of my life it would be... SW: Rock n roll baby. RK: Indie rock I guess! Hopefully nobody puts that restriction on me though. AR: Black metal, but my hands won’t move fast enough.

Three adjectives that describe my life are... SW: Slow, indecisive, lucky. RK: Juxtaposed, challenging, fortunate.

If I held a world record it would be for... SW: Something to do with cheese consumption. RK: Most unnecessary pairs of shoes that I can’t afford to buy but did anyway. AR: Most Lucozade orange consumed in an hour.

My first memory of loving music is… SW: Probably renting Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ By The Way from the library and listening to it in the car on the way down to Devon. Probably 9 years old and just thought it was the coolest thing ever. RK: I heard Katrina & The Waves doing Love Shine A Light on the Eurovision Song Contest in 1997 and loved it, so my mum bought it for me on CD single. AR: Listening to my dad’s record collection when I was a kid.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… SW: Who Cares (U Care) is probably my favourite of the songs we have released. I’m pretty stoked on some of the songs we’ve been working on recently too. RK: I’m proud of most of our songs, but if I had to pick one I guess it’d be Mood Swings & Roundabouts - lyrically and structurally it’s one of my most proud moments. AR: Mood Swings & Roundabouts for me too.

My favourite venue I've ever played is… SW: I think it has to be Brudenell Social Club in Leeds. RK: Brudenell is up there for me too. Was chuffed to do our record release show at The Lexington in London as I saw a few great shows there when I was younger. AR: Bloc+ Glasgow!

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… SW: A quiet space, good lighting, somewhere where I feel comfortable. Not feeling anxious. Maybe a cup of camomile tea or something. RK: Right now I have a dream about recording our second album in a house somewhere in the countryside in the summer where there are no distractions and you can actually see the outside world through the windows. AR: I’m usually more productive at home. But I think it’s more fun working on something in a room together in a band.

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… SW: I’m struggling to think of any bands that would be opening for us. It might be easier to do it the other way around: I’d love to open a show for Wilco or Teenage Fanclub. RK: Yeah if this was the other way around and we could open up for any two bands I’d choose Manchester Orchestra for sure, and then like Bruce Springsteen or something mental like that.

Follow Don’t Worry on social media!

FACEBOOK | SPOTIFY | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER

Interview by Scarlett Dellow

[pop-shocks-remade]

Personal

1- How are you? okay

2- Post a picture of yourself. no

3- Do you ever wish you were someone else? all the time babey

4- What is your entire name? ...

5- How old are you? ...

6- Age you get mistaken for: i get mistaken for the 10-15 range

7- Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: canerr yes

8- What did you do on your last birthday? minions (9from despicable me))

9- What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? be more chill

10- What is your hair color? dark brown

11- Have you ever dyed your hair? when i was like 6

12- What is your eye color? greenish blue

13- If you could change your eye color, would you? no

14- Do you wear contacts/glasses? yeah

15- Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it: i dont like it

16- Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? no

17- Say 8 facts about your body:short,incredibly thin,ugly, bad teeth, long hair,small hands,idrk what else

18- Do you have any tattoos?no

19- Do you have any piercings?no

20- Left or right handed?rgiht

21- What’s your sexual orientation? pan and maybe ace idrk

22- Do you drink? no

23- Do you smoke? no 

24- Do you have any pets? yeah

25- Where do you work? i dont have a job

26- Something you are working on right now: PETA post

27- Do you have any “rules” about food? no

28- Where are you from? NEW YORK BABEY

29- What would you say is your best quality? people think im kind

30- What do you think you’re really good at? being depressed

31- What do you think you’re really bad at?everything really

32- What talent do you wish you’d been born with? art

33- Are you a bad person? yeah

34- Are you nice to everyone? i try to be

35- Say 3 facts about your personality: sad,lonely,angry

36- Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? no

37- What is your ideal bed? Why? soft. comfy!!

38- Did you wake up cranky? no

39- Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? no

40- What do you think about the most? killing myself

41- Share 2 habits: crying, tapping my hands on my computer to music

42- What you want to be when you “get older”? i dont see myself “getting older”

43- What are your career goals? none

44- What is your ideal career? musician or artist, or FBI or NASA

45- Is your life anything like it was two years ago? no

46- Do you replay things that have happened in your head? yeah :(

47- Have you ever had an imaginary friend? im lonely so i rant to fake versions of my friends so maybe

48- Say 10 facts about your room: dirty, swords and blankets all over, i sleep on the floor,i have a garbage can for sprite exclusivley, boxes all over. idrk what else

49- Do you have any phobias? i dont say my fears

50- Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? no

51- Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? no

52- Ever broken any bones? no

53- Ever come close to death? all the time babey

54- Things you like and dislike about yourself: nothing, everything

55- A random fact about yourself: i find it strange people like me

56- What are three things most people don’t know about you? sexual orientation, mental state, my likes

57- An unknown fact about your life: im not comfortable sharing the only one i can think of

58- Share something about yourself others might think is weird: im a loner

59- Five weird things that you like: idrk

60- Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? no

61- Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? no i dont have one

62- Describe yourself in one word/sentence:im not good at these

63- A quote you try to live by: i tell myself not to be like my past self

64- Leave me a compliment: youre probaly nice

Favorites

65- What is your favorite thing to do? talk to friends

66- What’s your favorite color? prurple

67- What’s your favorite band/singer? gorrilaz

68- What’s your favorite movie? good burger

69- What are your favorite books? the last wild series

70- What is your favorite quote and why? none

71- What is your favorite word? none

72- What is your least favorite word? none

73- What is your favorite type of food? spaghetti

74- Your favorite ice cream? vanilla

75- What’s your favorite animal? axolotl

76- Dogs or cats? both

77- Describe your favourite texture: ??

78- What is your favorite flower? none

79- What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex? anything good

80- What is your favorite season? spring or winter

81- What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? italy,france,new orleans,canada,australia

82- What are four things you can’t live without and why? idrk

83- Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? idk

84- What’s your favorite television show? steven universe

85- Favorite place to shop at? i dont buy stuff

86- Say 2 facts about your favorite things: i use it to talk to my friends and listen to music Family, childhood and places

i cant really answer most of these so instead of blanking it i just delted it

Friends

101- Would you ever smile at a stranger? yeah

102- Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? both??

103- Who is someone you never tire of? nobody really, i love everyone but i need breaks

104- Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? no

105- Who is your most loyal friend? idk

106- Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? no

107- If your best friend died, what would you do? be more sad

108- A reason you’ve lied to a friend: didnt wanna hurt the,

109- Have you ever felt replaced? all the time babey

110- Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):dont have one

Relationships

cant answer most of these, ask them if you really wanna know ((same goes for childhood and family))

Music, movies and books

175- How often do you listen to music? all the time babey

176- What kind of music you like? chill rock music

177- Do you like to dance? alone yes

178- What was the first concert/show you attended? none

179- Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no

180- Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: ...

181- A song that’s been stuck in your head: Room Where it Happens

182- Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play:...

183- A book you want to read/have recently read: The Maze Runner

184- Describe your dream library: good books, lots.

185- Last movie you just watched: captain underpants :(

186- Do you like watching what type of movies? horror Situations and crazy things

187- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? arm maybe?

189- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? weed

190- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? dave or karkat

191- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?split it to my friends or the poor

192- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? undo everything past me did

193- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? sodium or tellerium, its in the name 

194- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2016

195- You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? idk

196- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? ill disclose a fear: amusment parks, i wouldnt design a ride dawg

197- What is the first curse word that comes to mind? is that a thing that happens to people

198- What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… my birthday, probaly my birthday

199- Halloween costume idea? idk

200- What are you supposed to be doing right now? nothin really dawg

201- Currently wanting to see anyone? yeah

202- Why you follow me? i dont 

203- If you met me what would you do? have a panic attack

204- Leave me a ridiculous question: no

205- Leave me a cute message: you hot dawg Opinions and beliefs

206- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? its typically always empty

207- Do you believe in fate/destiny? no

208- What you wish for on 11:11? to be happy

209- Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? no, none

210- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? YESYESYES

211- What is your religion, if any? i dont disclose this

212- Would you go against your moral code for money? no

213- What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind? mind

214- How important you think education is? p important dawg

215- If you were the president, what would you do? alot homie

216- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?  stop unreasonable hate

217- Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? the thought i guess

218- If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? the same as everyday be sad and liosten to musoc

219- Which movie character do you most identify with and why?i dont watch movies

Feelings and Others

220- Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? procrastinator

221- Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: ill just desricbe it: my friend told me someone i wanted to be friend with wanted to be friends with me

222- Say 5 things you love unconditionally: music, HS, my good friends, musicals, art

223- What motivates you in life? people would be upset at me if i killed myself

224- Something that you’re proud of: halexander and roxy fullmetal homestuck follow me

225- Five words/phrases that make you laugh: none

226- Share the story of something that makes you smile: me befrending you guys!!

227- Something you always think “what if…” about: i was dead

228- What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? my friendships, i learned they were bad people

229- Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life:every experience is an awkward one

230- Something/someone that you miss:my friends kennedy and ellie

231- Are you over your past? no i still hate it and wanna die because of it

232- What is your saddest memory? all of mine are sad IMO

233- One of the hardest moments in your life: i dont wanan share this

234- Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? everything.

235- What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? tell people i like anime

236- What was your most embarrassing moment? i had a breakdown in math class

237- Share one of your fears/insecurities: no

238- Something you’re currently worrying about: what if my good friends dont like me

239- Have you done something you regret very much? i cant elaborate this enough everythign i regret

240- If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

241- Does anyone hate you? alot of people i assume

242- Do you hate anyone? yeah

243- Are you good at hiding your feelings? yeah

244- What’s something you hide about your personality? sad

245- How do you approach social situations? anxious

246- Are you a social or an antisocial person? antisocial

247- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?introvert

248- Do you care if people talk badly about you? yeah

249- How do you deal with criticism? accept it

250- How you hope your future will be like? dead or not dead and happy

251- What’s something that scares you about the future? ill learn the people i know dont like me

252- Five intems you lust after:what

253- One thing you’re excited for: talking to my friend

254- Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: i dont remember dreams

255- Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? no

256- Who is your celebrity crush? no 

257- Make a confession: ive almost killed somebody

[standrewumcspokenword]

Christmas 2016 - The Light Has Come

What a great celebration.  I am so thrilled to celebrate this day with all of you.  It feels like we’re family - like we all just woke up and came down around the tree in our jammies.  It feels safe, warm, and full of light.  

I had hoped that by the end of this year, that feeling wouldn’t be so fleeting. I had hoped that the feeling of safety and warmth would be here to stay.  That it would include more people.  But this fall brought changes that I wasn’t quite prepared for.  I don’t mean the election - that was just one day and one vote. But the bullying.  The hard words. The fear on the faces of immigrants. The fear in the words of those trying to make ends meet while working two jobs.  I get those calls asking for help, even though there is so little that we can do.  

I had hoped things would be different now.  That the world would be safer.  That my children wouldn’t have to grow up doing drills we did as kids - we did bomb drills of some kind; they do intruder drills.  It would be easy to think that the more things change, the more things stay the same.  

I had hoped that the hate speech that I heard from a few of my high school classmates growing up would die out.  Only to see it resurface this year between middle schoolers and those who should know better. Just this week, a woman in a JC Penny’s ranted about how two Spanish-speaking women should only speak English. Even though Spanish was spoken for at least 284 years before there was an “America” - and Ojibwe and many other languages long before that - even though German and Swedish churches abounded in Northern Illinois just last century, we still seem to have this trouble with words.  

Words matter.  Our words create such a great bond to each other.  Some days, my son, Davie says, “Daddy, O love you… too much.”  My daughter, Michelle, says something like that, too.  Outside, I muster up a strong voice and say, “I love you too much, too, buddy.”  Or, “I love you, too, Michelle.” But inside I’m all unicorns and rainbows, like Santa Claus just visited.  That’s the best gift.  

Our words speak life and hope.  Over Advent we’ve created a path of hope, a path through the wilderness, a path where all creation rejoices with us - the wolf lies down with the lamb, the swords are beaten into plowshares, the missiles turned into artificial reefs. We’ve spoken of that path as a place of growth and change.    

Today, I’d like you invite you to see how that change can become something longer than just one season, longer than a New Year’s Resolution that goes south come February, but it becomes a part of our everyday talk and life, our words and action.  As we sing these traditional songs and hear these hymns that have been sung for the last 150 years, as we share what for many of you I think is the familiar story of Jesus’ birth, don’t let these words of change be something you let go of. In fact, I think the Christ candle, God’s light, reminds us that Christmas is change.

The writer John saw it that way.  He doesn’t begin in a manger.  Or in a room in Bethlehem.  For him, he starts at creation.  In the beginning was the Word, he said. The logos in Greek.  

I want to do a bit of a philosophy class, but I want to teach philosophy using some a fun truck and tools.  For those of you who’ve studied philosophy, you might recall that the logos was something like concrete forms in construction.  Even if you haven’t studied philosophy, you probably know a bit about construction.    In construction, you put out wooden or metal beams that we call forms. They are the edges of what you are about to make. After you get those set, you pour in the liquid concrete.  After a while, it makes something permanent.  I’m suggesting that the concrete is the way up there truth, the part of God that we usually call “mystery” or the unchanging God.  Some understood the forms are the way that God moves into this time and becomes something permanent.  

About the time of John’s gospel, Jewish theologians began to say that the logos was like those forms.  The logos, word, was what God’s timeless essence was poured into as it took form in the time that we know.  [Pliny of Alexandria is the main example I am using.]  God’s timeless, unchanging essence, came down to us in word.  For many Jews, that word became the Law, a way that was fixed, something that could be heard.  

The writer John took a look at that and if he could tweet, he might’ve said, “That’s too controlled. Cancel order.  “The Word was made flesh.”  John was saying, “that’s not how I understand Jesus.”  Jesus is the Word made flesh.  The Logos that is a person.  It’s not just that he taught the Law or that he healed people.  Jesus is our connection to God. Anybody who read this would’ve immediately scratched their heads.  That doesn’t sound like the unchanging God we know.  That logos doesn’t sound like how God gives us a glimpse of God’s nature. A person?  And how could this have been from the beginning?  

For John, with Jesus being our connection, it means that God is no longer far off.  But God is growing in our world, changing our world just as Jesus grows.  The concrete forms are never fixed, but the Law is now flesh and blood, taking shape in the lives of people, expressed in the words we say to each other.  The Word becomes flesh and dwells among us.  And moves into the neighborhood.  

This week, I was once again inspired by the story of Daryl Davis.  For those of you who don’t know, he’s a blues musician. A few years ago, I heard his story. Since 1983, Daryl has sat down with members of one prominent hate group and talked to them.  It was no magic, he’d just talk to them. Over the last three decades as he’s done that, over 200 people hung up their robes and left that organization.

I love how he says it, “I never set out to convert anyone. I just set out to get an answer to my question: “’How can you hate me when you don’t even know me?’” His formula was simple, listen to them attentively.  And as you listen, that teaches them about you.  After that person feels they’ve made a big argument, then he challenges them, politely and intelligently.  Not like on Facebook.  Not by sharing  memes back and forth.  But just talking.  With words that matter.  With words that become flesh and blood and move into the neighborhood.  And after that conversation, they convince themselves.

I need a story like that when I think the Logos of God is too fixed.  I’m not saying it’s the only way to talk to those who hate.  But I need a story like that.  When I begin to tell myself a narrative that nobody sees their own faults, when I replay that tape that nobody changes, I hear voices like these.  It is the light of God shining in the darkness.   The light of God shines in that darkness, reminding us that change is in the very creation of God, that God’s own nature is change.

Today, we don’t feel warm and safe because of tradition. But because the light, God’s presence of change, is here.  The light has come.  And it will be good tidings of great joy for all people.  

For the immigrant.  For the hopeless.  For those experiencing loss.  For those who know who’s really in power.  The light shines in the words we say to each other.  It moves into the neighborhood with the words we say to ourselves.

Today, I invite you to claim this light as a reminder that I can change, that we can change.  And that it starts in how we talk to each other and what we say to ourselves.