#I think I might marry Elliott???

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

Playing straddle valley while listening to an EmKay video while quietly singing the first verse of “Disco! In the panic room” by bug hunter to myself

Couldn’t think of a better evening 😎

[stardew-shitposterino]

Stardew Valley Bachelors and how they deal with their secret crush on the farmer

———-——————————

BEHOOOOLD! I’m kind of back but I’m not because I have a job and feel tired most of the time. I still need to get used to adult life. Anyway, here are the bachelors and how they deal with having a fat crush on you, you cutesy farmer person covered in filth!

Contents might be a bit NSFW so MINORS…you know what not to do *fights them off with a stick*

Enjoy my brainrot 🍓🥰

Sam:

-Sammy is a cute little guy, almost like a dog wagging it’s tail when they see their owner.

-he is SO BAD at hiding it

-he will dream about you two jamming on a big stage together. In his ideal world, you two are a successful duo who make noise rock (kind of like the white stripes minus the weird siblings or married controversy)

-Sam will write songs about you. It’s not intentional per say, and he thinks he really sucks at writing love songs, but it just happens whenever he has to think about you. The words just start flowing.

-he might or might not have had some steamy shower fantasies about you…while in the shower. Jodie keeps complaining about the water bill being unusually high 👀

-yet, Sam is usually not too horny when he is in love with you. He is more gushy and daydreamy than anything

Sebastian:

-homeboy works with nightcore versions of love songs to cope with his longing

-he isn’t the type to show his feelings so openly, so no one really notices his crush on you. Maybe Sam, but well, he is Seb’s best bud. Of course he can tell

-He notices how his sleep has improved since having a crush on you. He willingly goes to bed earlier to have some time to imagine scenarios of you two

-just you and him together on his cool ass motorcycle, driving into the night and ending it with a passionate kiss (sounds familiar?)

-well,,, let’s just say Seb is increasingly horny since having a crush on you. Before, he was almost certain he is some sort of asexual, but nope 😃 he’s healthy and extremely down bad for the filthy farmer who eats raw fish out of the pond 🥰

-what I mean by horny? Uhhh… he didn’t really need to rely on certain websites to satisfy his needs, that’s for sure 👀

Harvey:

-Harvey is a good man. A very good man

-god bless his soul 😫

-Harv isn’t the type to have crushes easily…I can’t believe it either, considering his crush on Maru who is way younger than him 💀

-but in my head, he isn’t the type to be all lovey dovey over someone. That’s why he’s so bad at hiding it. But you don’t really notice. You just suspect it but it could also be his usual anxiety lol

-it happened anyway😎 and he doesn’t know how to cope. At all.

-he has to think about you at all times, especially when he looks at the empty jars of delicious pickles you’ve made him

-This man is usually collected, but now?! He forgets everything, can’t even form a comprehensible sentence at times when his mind is busy thinking about a romantic picknick date with a lovely farmer

-Harvey’s libido is pretty much a dead beat horse 💀 but now he even feels the desire to do some nasty nasty at times. It’s still pretty tame, he’s a gentleman through and through, but wild for him to have those feelings and longings after what feels like decades. He’s not mad at it. He has felt low-key dead inside for so long so this is very exciting and he’s eager to explore this side of him…despite being anxious 😭

Elliott:

-bet your ass he’s the prince of crushes

-he is very dedicated and welcomes those refreshing feelings with a kiss

-feeling better than usual AND having inspiration to write ?! SIGN HIM UP

-he will use every chance he can get to talk to you, maybe even get you drunk (in a non creepy way) because he likes when you’re unapologetically authentic and let loose. It makes him feel more in touch with your soul (or some shit idk I’m not a poet)

-Elliott is NOT SUBTLE

-you practically know from the start that he has the hots for you, but it’s kinda funny seeing him try to pretend it’s not that way…if you can even call that pretending not to be 😭

- his passion doesn’t end at his artistry. This guy will spend a lot of time in his shower thinking about what could be, or sitting at the docks at night just staring at the sea (he’s NOT doing anything nasty in public, peeps. Don’t get it twisted)

-I can also see him recreate a romantic bedroom date he’d love to have with you…but it’s just him 🤷🏼‍♀️ self care king 👑

Shane:

-like Harvey: HE CANNOT COPE!

-he hasn’t felt like this since high school. Every other encounter with potential partners was surface level and only based on sexual satisfaction

-so caring about you, thinking about what makes you happy and how he could be the reason you smile every day, that’s a lot for him

-as stupid as it sounds, he spirals and becomes low-key miserable over it. Give this man a 101 lesson on how to process emotions 😭

-despite the constant anxiety he feels, he low-key enjoys it. It’s kind of hopeless as well as pointless in his honest opinion, but there is this believe, that 0.00001% chance (in his mind) that he could turn his life around and be happy with you, married and maybe have a child of his own one day

-but that’s wishful thinking, riiiiiiight? So what does a self loathing piece of alcoholic man do instead of making a move? Yeah, self pleasure even more than usual, to get at least a bit of serotonin and the willpower to get his shit together, at least for you if it isn’t for him. He’s pretty rough with it too (ouch, unless you’re into that)

-sorry bros but him having a crush is not really all that cute. He’s my cutie pie, but let’s be real: him dealing with those feelings he tried to shut off for so long will be tragic in a way. He’s battling his inner demons here. So yeah… :(

Alex:

-my man, my maaaaan 🥰

-he has earned a soft spot in my heart, bless his soul

-so Alex has a crush on you from the start, it’s basically canon

-can he show his feelings? Yes! Can he do that in a way that can be read as the feelings he tries to get across to you? NO!

-low-key bullying is his love language 🥰

-at least in the beginning. He’s a bit anxious and fears he isn’t good enough for you, so he doesn’t try to be authentic. Being the jock jerk everyone expects him to be gets a reaction out of you and that’s better than nothing, right?

-he’s neither the poetic nor the intellectual type, so he doesn’t process his emotions by writing them down or putting them into words. Just imagine him going about his work-out routine, just thinking about your beautiful smile and rocking bod while sweating like a hog

-Alex and quiet ? Yes that’s possible. I imagine him to go quieter than usual since having a crush on you. He processes everything internally and that takes a lot of time for him as he usually just shrugs off his emotions and doesn’t try to brood too much on them. But now?! He can’t but blush in silence as he just imagines how soft and small your hands must be next to his (yours are way more impressive than his and calloused to the gods, but let him have this moment)

-when it comes to being nasty…Alex is a serial romantic. We know that he probably was the lady’s man back in school so he probably got some action one way or another. In other words, man has the libido of a teen that just hit puberty 💀

-despite being quite horny, he was able to manage to just do it every other day. Now, he cannot even get out of bed in the morning before doing it as you pester his dreams and make his hormones go crazy first thing in the morning…so many nice boxer shorts were lost along the way 🫡

-he also did his own laundry for the first time during that period lmfao

[autumnywinter]

Yandere Elliott Headcanons (Stardew Valley)

TW: Yandere behavior, suggestive content, insinuated threatened suicide

Yandere!Elliott is the pinnacle of an obsessive yandere. Of course he has some possessiveness and protectiveness too, but above all he is obsessed with you.

He's a tad bit delusional, but does occasionally have some self-awareness. He's fully aware what he's doing isn't normal, but he truly believes everything he does is for you, and his intentions are all that matters. Love is a complex thing, right?

Though he isn't the type to murder unless completely necessary in his eyes, he will do many other things "in the name of love".

Will send glares at anyone who he thinks is taking up too much of your time (when you could be spending it with him) or gets too touchy with you.

If he thinks someone is a little too interested in you, he'll gently plead as your beloved friend that they're bad news. If that doesn't work, he'll personally confront the person in question, claiming that he has blackmail, whether he's bluffing or not.

Of course, he does send love letters from a "secret admirer". Sings you constant praises and confesses all the horrible, shameful thoughts he has. But while writing in his exquisite cursive, you'll notice when it becomes more sloppy, a telltale sign he got a little too excited confessing his infatuation with you.

Stalks you very often. Whenever you're sick, there's a basket with medicine, snacks, and flowers at your doorstep, all gifted to you by your devoted secret admirer ♡

He isn't very good at hiding his obsessive tendencies. After all, who else in town writes with such delicately scripted words?

When you're deep in your friendship with Elliott, it becomes even more obvious. His face is bright red, and he has an almost drunken smile whenever you're near him. Buries his nose in your hair and inhales, always commenting how heavenly you smell, how right you feel in his arms.

Sneaks into your house while you're gone or asleep. Won't do anything but watch you, even if he's tempted to do more. Just viewing your such peaceful, serene state is enough for him. Sometimes.

Other times, he takes your belongings. He returns them--most of the time--but of course he keeps a few keepsakes, too. Underwear, lipstick/lip gloss, toothbrushes even. Despite being vanilla, this man is a freak.

Will take his time building up your affection. As much as he'd love nothing more than to sweep you off your feet immediately, he can be patient. As long as you keep being your incredible, sweet self to him.

He'd much rather not have to resort to kidnapping. He wants you to adore him as much as he adores you, and he has some self-awareness that if he kidnaps you, there's a good chance you'll hate him forever. The mere thought makes him feel terrified.

If you confess your love to him first, he won't cry, but he will be on the verge of it. This is all he could've ever wanted! He can now be as flirtatious and romantic as he'd like with you now and not be seen as creepy!

Him confessing his love first would be planned out very carefully. He'd try to seem like his usual charming and smooth self, but you'd notice how he'd occasionally stammer a little, and how his entire face is tomato-red.

Only when you're married will he seem to tone it down. He's even more obsessive than ever, but he doesn't follow your every movement as much. Not unless he grows suspicious of you. He'll be more heartbroken than genuinely angry if he finds out you've been cheating or have fallen out of love with him.

Before he met you, he was depressed and believed everyone had a soulmate but him. You are his reason for living, without you he is nothing. And he likes to think you think the same way vice versa, deep down.

Never would hurt you, but can be a little scary. He switches between loving, to hysterical, to eerily cold. Will insinuate and say terrible things when you've been distant to the point he thinks you might leave him.

"...Dearest? You know I love you, right? If you were to leave me, I really don't think I could live with myself."

"If I had it my way, you wouldn't need to ever leave the house. In fact, you don't need to. I can provide for us both. Is there any reason you insist on leaving me all day?"

"Sometimes I'm tempted to tie you up and keep you all to myself. Not that I'd actually do that, haha... maybe one day."

Just make him believe you adore him as much as he adores you, and everything will be fine! :)

[veren-cos]

Bachelor's (Sdv) and Self Care!

x reader, but these can be platonic too!

Whether the Bachelor's would join you for self care and if they do it themselves :3 (in this instance, self-care is like skin care and stuff mostly)

Alex

• Probably would not do any skin/self care with you unless you are either dating or married. He might if you are super close friends tho!

• He tried it with Haley when they were younger, but Haley was just starting with that stuff, so it got in Alex's hair, and he was just like "never again." haha

• Would not paint his nails

• Would however do a face mask if you really wanted him too

• Would probably paint his toes tho.

• I feel like if you introduced a small skin care routine to him he would follow it religiously. Like moisturizer, toner, etc.

Sam

• Yes!

• Doesn't do it on his own, but he is a little bit of a pretty boy as the face of his band

• Likes to do it for stay at home dates with you *I have a fic of this in the making ;)

• Would for sure let you paint his nails!!

• He would either want to match with you, or have them black or red

• Down to try a lot of skin care stuff but like refuses to let you mess with his eyebrows. Idk why, he just won't.

• Would let you do stage makeup on him before he performs!

Sebastian

• Would let you paint his nails black or purple!

• Probably would join you on an occasional face mask stay at home date but wouldn't do it on his own

• Does not really do self care ever, even when Abigail realllly wanted him to join her

• If you tried to get him a skin care routine he wouldn't do it

• Would however let you do his hair! A little side braid or something

• Also- he would let you do small makeup on him. Mostly just eyeliner but you have fun!

Elliott

• 10/10 would join you

• Has all of his own stuff

• Will 100% join you for face masks, painting nails, etc

• Is so good at it. He would paint your nails and help you figure out a skin care routine if you didn't already have one.

• Has really good hair care too

• Overall a beautiful self care king

• WILL LET YOU DO HIS HAIR

• God that would be so much fun

• Will let you braid it, curl it, tease it, whatever you want. Even has heat protectant for you to use!

• Would let you do his makeup but probably wouldn't leave the house with it.

Shane

• No

• He wouldn't ever lmao

• He probably uses a 3 in 1 shampoo conditioner body wash or something

Harvey

• He doesn't really do like 'for funsies' self care.

• He would if you asked him, but after the first time he would buy really quality stuff

• Not that he doesn't enjoy it, he loves doing face masks and such with you, but he thinks a lot of it is a hoax and wants them to actually work.

• He probably has a small skin care routine. Does it whenever he shaves his face and trims his mustache.

An: if you think I can add another thing for any of the characters lmk! I'd love to flesh these out more:3

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 3 MATCH 11

Xyx propaganda:

“He's funny he's depressed he's an adrenaline junkie he has a cat he has the hottest voice on earth”

“Actually basically everyone from this game should be submitted but. He has a cat that he accidentally adopted and stray cat and fails miserably at pretending not to care about it while also talking about it every two seconds. He's just so funny and he makes a discord bot to compliment the two of you and. Idk I'm bad with words but I have a soft spot for him”

“my silly little guy who has some bad times. adopts a cat to basically encourage himself to stay alive because if HE doesnt take care of the cat then who will. also his cat's name is Cat. a real naming genius that one. makes a whole bot for the server called hypebot whos main thing was just hyping himself up but will also compliment/flirt with you. i think hes basically never joined a call in the server and no ones seen what he looks like except for the other LIs and the player on mainly his route but he also appears in another. i love him hes so lame /pos”

Elliott propaganda:

“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”

“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”

“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”

"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him

Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.

He has a crab living in his pocket

He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)

His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO

He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.

He also sends letters to you if you marry him

Okay and also some things I dislike

His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.

he might be British /j

The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.

Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"

[strdwvlly]

i know a gazillion people have done this already but... i'm gonna post my stardew valley bachelor/ette age hcs + my reasoning hehe

to start this off, i want to say that this is based on what concernedape said about all of them being 20+ but they're also all my personal hcs so i understand if you disagree!

ok that being said, here we go

- maru: 22. she works as a nurse as well as helping her dad with research, i think she's young but not Too young ykwim? demetrius is also really strict so it adds to her seeming young

- penny: 23. it seems like she's been teaching the kids for a few years already even though she hasn't gone to college yet, she also seems older than she is cus she's had to parent her mother :/

- sam: 25. since he lives at home, i think people think he's younger but tbf i know a lot of mid 20 somethings who live at home (me included until recently). i also think jodi and kent had him really young, like 18ish, typical military couple situation

- sebastian: 27. he remembers a time before robin married demetrius so he has to be at least 4 years older than maru, and i think he's a little older because i don't think robin gave birth immediately after getting remarried

- abigail: 23. she's comfortable hanging out with sam and sebastian but definitely seems younger than them, plus she's doing online school which tends to take longer than traditional uni

- alex: 20. to be honest he just seems like the youngest to me, he still wears his varsity jacket and has big dreams of playing gridball and stuff. also a lot of unresolved trauma.

- haley: 22. she's bratty but in a cute tsundere way which makes me think she might be on the younger side. plus she gives me (and everyone else) huge closeted lesbian vibes, so i feel like she hasn't fully come into her identity yet

- emily: 30. i feel like there's a significant age gap between her and haley cus she has second mom vibes and they also seem to have some friction in terms of responsibilities because emily does a lot for haley

- leah: 31. she gives me huge "i hit 30 and realized i needed to change my entire life" energy when she talks about leaving her ex and moving to stardew valley

- harvey: 34. i think he's the oldest, like he doesn't feel ancient but at the same time he had to have gone through med school and his residency so 34 feels comfortable

- shane: 31. he seems older because of the depression and the trauma, but i don't think he's past his early 30s yet, he kinda stopped taking care of himself so it just looks that way

- elliott: 32. he's got big "phd student who abandoned a career in academia to write his great american novel" type vibes, and he's not really self conscious about being very poetic and flowery so i think he's out of his tumultuous twenties

[adiposesaleswoman]

So, this is my first playthrough where I've married Elliott, and we're about to start our second year together, and some of the things he says when you're married are fucking unhinged “The smokey aroma drew me here, yet 'twas the zesty sauce that truly sealed my fate... *gurgle*”

“Mmph... I believe I've eaten a few too many slices of pumpkin pie.”

“I might set my pride aside and sink my teeth into a sloppy, saucy barbecue sandwich tomorrow.”

“Would you still love me if I guzzled two gallons of pumpkin ale at the Spirits Eve Festival? Sometimes a man has primitive urges.”

Now I can't stop thinking about stuffing him with burgers for dinner, then filling all the nooks and crannies with pumpkin ale and then giving him an entire pumpkin pie for dessert. If only the characters could actually get fat in the game like in the Sims, I gift him his favourite foods almost every single day.

THANK YOU for finally reminding me to draw Elliott 😭😭😭🙏

[oldshrewsburyian]

I love this ask! A Persuasion Campus novel please. (Must go lie down at the thought of Ciarán Hinds as a college professor.)

So, to address your parenthetical first: you've seen Circle of Friends, right? I didn't love it, and his role, iirc, is not sympathetic; however:

The academic gown over the three-piece suit is just gratuitous. AHEM. A Jane Austen campus novel AU is tricky, I think, because I have to undo most if not all of the family relationships in favor of other connective nexuses (nexes? nexii? help). Here goes. I might have spent too much time thinking about this over my morning tea.

Sir Walter Elliott is, inevitably, the college president. He's photogenic. He loves uttering empty and incorrect platitudes about his own achievements. He loves schmoozing with important people. Unfortunately, he's perfect for the job.

The Admiral and Sophy have been at the university for ages, and the Admiral loves to tell the story about how he was her spousal hire in 1987, not the other way around.

Elizabeth is using family money to take a never-ending PhD in fashion history. She's always weirdly vague about her project, and finds a way not to participate in chapter exchanges. Rumor says that it's Sir Walter's influence keeping her from being kicked out.

Mary took an M.A., married money, and has been (dis)contentedly living on the UWS ever since. It's not quite true to say that she's never looked back. She visits colloquia and other open department functions with a depressing persistency, and appears not to notice that this is sometimes awkward for people who are united by their passion for a subject in which she never excelled.

Louisa and Henrietta are grad students, and remarkably carefree with it. Somehow their work does, in fact, get done.

Harville is, I think, Wentworth's sailing club buddy.

Mr. Elliott will be a smarmy visiting academic at another area institution. Unfortunately, I know his type. Eventually it will come out that he's eternally "visiting" because of a plagiarism scandal in his past.

Lady Russell is, of course, Anne's PhD supervisor. Who else would be in loco parentis and giving prudent and unwelcome advice?

Anne administers the interdisciplinary center in eighteenth-century studies. While she is several decades younger than those who usually take on such jobs, this works out well for several reasons. She has a head for detail, and is conscientious to a fault. Also, the faculty are (almost) all extremely fond of her, and the importance of this in getting academics to comply with bureaucratic necessities cannot be overstated. She's an alum of the program, and did finish her PhD. Lady Russell still sometimes sighs, a little too audibly, when she sees her erstwhile star student being competent in the front office. But care-taking duties during her mother's long illness meant that Anne's progress through the degree was slow, and international conference travel to boost her reputation didn't happen. The job market, with its precarity and long-distance upheavals, didn't either. So here is Anne, still in the department. Anne herself may not have the career or the life she dreamed of, but she has employment and health insurance, which is more than many recent PhDs can say. She sings in a choir. She tells herself that she has a good life.

Frederick Wentworth was Sophy's student. (I will miss her big sister energy, but a PhD supervisor also has the lifelong privilege of dragging you and telling you to get your life together, so here we are.) Lady Russell thought he was always going to burn out. Sure, he looked good on paper: a bright scholarship student from a state school in the fields of nowhere. But his project, studying contested empire and constructions of masculinity in the Atlantic world using network analysis, was always too ambitious. Until it wasn't.

With several fellowships, a postdoc, and a visiting position at a SLAC behind him -- the OUP monograph is in press -- Frederick Wentworth is back. Lady Russell wasn't on the search committee. But not only is Frederick Wentworth competent to teach the gender studies courses the department wants and the survey courses the university wants, he is also willing to take on the military history courses that the jocks want. "Thank God," says Sophy bluntly, once he's accepted the offer, "I won't have to read their opinions of my haircut in the student evals anymore." Also, there's that OUP monograph. No one quite says out loud that they have in their midst that rarest of creatures, the photogenic male historian who actually is a historian. But the consciousness runs through the halls like a current. This, for the department, could be a beginning.

For Anne, it is something else. It's not that they dated, exactly. It was never that formal, or that limited. Only in retrospect, really, did she realize that it was odd to spend an entire day walking around looking at architecture, or to end up with intertwined ankles on a museum bench, or to cook freely in each other's kitchens, before having an understanding. The understanding came. It was a November night, and they were sitting on a bench in Riverside Park, and she didn't feel the cold. They had agreed that they'd go on the job market together. They would read each other's applications the way they read each other's dissertation chapters. And they'd move to wherever one of them got a tenure-track job first. And then everything fell apart. Anne still thinks that Dr. Russell was right, that it wouldn't have been fair to hold him. More, she thinks that she herself could not have borne to lose what they had in a slow death of long-distance phone calls, too-brief visits, awkward negotiations of what they could and could not expect. Better to be sensible. Better to make a clean break while they were still young, still resilient. But she has never felt resilient. And now Frederick Wentworth is back.

[fuckyeslilkim]

Lil Kim's Squat Pose Is Iconic. Its Photographer Discusses it for the First Time

In a rare interview, Michael Lavine discussed the day he shot Lil Kim’s Hard Core cover, the booklet, and that feisty, nearly 30-year-old poster we just can’t get enough of.

Even though Michael Lavine has photographed OutKast, Ghostface Killah, JAY-Z, Missy Elliott, Foxy Brown and many others, he didn’t start out capturing larger-than-life rap acts. Like multiple moments throughout his career, he just fell into the next phase of artistry, which was deifying a generation of Black storytellers.

Lavine’s interest in photography goes way back. He led his high school’s yearbook committee as the head photographer. Soon after, at Washington’s Evergreen State College, he studied traditional street photography in the style of Robert Frank and Garry Winogrand. While in Washington, he befriended the group responsible for the record label that became Sub Pop, and documented a then-emerging sound that, to this day, continues to inspire chart toppers. He wasn’t interested in being married to any particular genre or group though, because boxing yourself in isn’t the move. “I just never felt comfortable kind of being pigeonholed in anything to my own detriment. It's not good for business to do that,” he said. “You're supposed to kind of dive in, not pull away. But that's just how I was wired. I wanted to do my own thing.”

After fostering the trust of music industry greats (“I started working for Rick Rubin. He was one of my first clients and he hired me to shoot a bunch of his Death American acts because he was starting to do metal at that time,” Lavine recalled) and becoming a Black Book highlight, he fell into shooting some of the biggest rappers on the scene. His knowledge of capturing Black talent helped. “I was very good at skin color and doing warm skin tones and lighting people,” he said. “For some reason, I think there was this problem with white people who didn’t understand how to light Black people, which was just ridiculous.”

In short, he came, he saw, he snapped. Legacies were cemented in the process, most notably with an image of one of the greatest female rappers that has become one of hip-hop’s most beloved and recreated photos — Lil Kim’s iconic squat seen ‘round the world.

Below, the retired photographer gave Okayplayer a rare interview where, for the first time, he discussed the day he shot Lil Kim’s Hard Core cover, the booklet, and that feisty, nearly 30-year-old poster we just can’t get enough of.

This interview, which took place over multiple conversations, has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

When did you first meet Lil Kim?

The date was 7/30/96. The anniversary just passed.

What was your first impression of her?

My impression overall was she was not like she is, as in the present. She was very quiet and under the thumb of Big Un. Remember Big Un?

Are you talking about Lance “Un” Rivera?

Yeah. He was there. He was the man in charge of her and was kind of in control of the shoot. Kim didn't say a word. I don't think I spoke to her once about anything, but we had a nice rapport in front of the camera. She was great and we made a lot of pictures together, but I felt like there was this circus going on around us and it was just me and her. You get this intimate bond with your subject a lot of times. She's in her lingerie and rolling around on a bed. So, I was trying to be my normal, respectable self, and being professional and making the images with her in tandem.

I would direct her like, "Let's try this. How about coming over here? What if we lean this way?" There were a lot of sets. We had rented a brownstone in Manhattan probably. It was a couple floors. It might have been two floors. So there was a bedroom, a little balcony, a fireplace, and those big doors.

I interviewed Kim last year and she told me she just kind of dropped into the squat pose naturally.

It was very spontaneous. When you're doing photo shoots, at least when I was working, it was an organic process and you let things happen. It's like a creative flow. Whenever you have a creative director there holding out a [composition] like, "Here, do it like this," it just was always bad and kind of nothing. It was like the safest way to get whatever it is that they had in their minds. But to make a great photograph you have to let things happen. You just have to go with it.

There was no layout for her to do that pose. It just was natural. Part of it, I spent a lot of time low angle, meaning I was always kind of lying on the floor, crouching down myself. So, it's possible that one of the reasons she did it was because I was probably sitting on the floor looking up at her because that's kind of how I do. My style was based on the hero, meaning my job was to make people look like heroes with iconic style.

My style was based on making people look cool and giving them lots of options. So, we would take a lot of different kinds of photographs. I used different kinds of lighting. We moved very quickly. A lot of things happened and it was very much an exciting experience. Somebody had a set prop person there bringing flowers. For the cover shot, we had all those flowers in front of the fire, and the bear skin rug we brought that in. It was a normal hip-hop shoot. I was intimidated. It was a very hard day. Everybody was being kind of tough and intimidating, and nobody would talk to me.

Were you scared?

I was never scared, but they all had guns. It's not that I was scared..scared is not the right word. It's more like I felt kind of out of place a little bit. I didn't even speak with Kim. I was dealing with Un mostly, and Un had a lot of ideas. So we were trying to do all the things. I was getting coverage for him. He wanted to have her hold the honey bear. Remember, there's a shot of her holding a honey bear on the black satin sheets? We had a lot of props. I had a props guy. His name was Jerry Schwartz. He was very good and we had brought a bunch of stuff.

So, for example, I remember Puffy came in for a shot and I did one shot with Puffy and Kim together. And Puffy, I worked with him many times. He didn't even say hello to me.

I was just like, “Really? Do you have to be that way? You're so cool you don't want to embarrass yourself talking to the photographer, actually acknowledging him?”

I never really felt at home around Puffy. I think at that time, because I don't think he's like this anymore, but at that time he was — and I know this happened to several other people that I've witnessed throughout their careers — they're really striving. It's very hard at the beginning and they'll push, push, push. They're just about their thing and they don't care about you. So, he was yelling at everybody all the time.

On set that day?

Not that day. Other days.

Oh, just in general?

Just in general. Barking orders. But that day he came in briefly and we did the shot and then he left. There's one shot, I don't know if you've seen it, of them together on a wall. I don't even know why he was there. I can't remember. He had something to do with the record, I guess.

"There was no layout for her to do that pose. It just was natural," Lavine said of the image.

The image came out as the poster, “Lil Kim Coming Soon.” When you're there that day, you have no idea what images are going to stand out. Zero. There's just no way anyone could know. It isn't until there's time to contemplate the session when you edit it and you start to live with the images. And the graphic designer who, I can't remember who it was. Maybe you can find that out.

Maybe.

Let's see if there's a name on here. I don't know. Big Beat records? I don't know who that would've been. Atlantic maybe? I think it was Atlantic Records, no?

Lil Kim was [signed to] Atlantic.

It was Atlantic? Maybe it was, I don't know who it was. Liz Barrett? There were a bunch of people in the Atlantic art department at the time. I could probably look at the invoice.

Do you still have the invoice?

I don't know. Let's see if I do. '96...

If you do, you're the best records keeper of all time.

Yeah, there's Kim and Puffy right there. I have the whole job here. Ed and Carl were my assistants. The location was 24 West 10th Street. That's where we shot it. Here's something for you. Ready for this?

Yes.

So, these are notes from my conversation with the manager. "Little Kim. Female. She's the other woman, somersaults in bedroom, not raunchy. Doorway of bedroom, satin sheets. Blouse, undone. Honey in hair, on bed and on phone. Down pants. Unbuttoning pants. No whips and chains. Classy, sexy, lush, lustful. Candles in the background. Fruits and chocolates." There you go.

The notes Lavine was given prior to the Lil Kim shoot.

So, those were the notes that you were given before the shoot?

Yep. Those were the notes I was given before the shoot.

"Not raunchy" really stands out because I think you conveyed that.

"Not raunchy" — peekaboo, sexy shit.

Oh, man. Well, you did it. You accomplished the goal. And that actually flows really well into my next question, which was what do you believe they were trying to convey with the shoot?

It was funny that they hired me because I was known for not exploiting women in my photos. That was one of the reasons I didn't ever shoot women because back in the day, you were expected to shoot women with clothes off. I refused to do that and I never did it. I think this crouching picture was the raunchiest picture that I had ever done. Actually, that's not true. I did one once. But it was not my normal style, shall I say.

But also, it's an empowering image. I just generally felt uncomfortable sexualizing women throughout my career. That shoot was uncomfortable for me because I had to do that, and I think she was a little unclear as to what she was doing herself. I have no idea. I didn't talk to her. I'm not sure what she was thinking. Years later, I talked to her because we were both well complaining about this image being bootlegged.

She did mention that during our interview. That people were making t-shirts and making their own memorabilia.

It's completely illegal what they're doing, and it's got to be the most bootlegged image of mine. It's like whack-a-mole, you can't stop them. You send out your lawyers and then they just shut down and open with a different name. I could probably go out, spend some time and sue them all and she could, too. Who has time for that? If you have a lawyer and you have a lot of money, you could do that.

That sounds like a lot.

I mean, it's unfortunate. But she was talking about trying to do some merch of her own. The smart thing to do would be to get a deal with Merch Traffic or somebody that does merch, and then they would take care of trying to squash the illegal competition. But I thought that she was going to maybe have that happen this year, but I haven't heard from her.

But the image is just getting more and more famous. It's funny, you never know what kind of resonance an image is going to make and impress upon the culture at the time when you make it. It's rare that there's an instant classic. It's very hard to have that kind of impact these days just because of the nature of social media. Back then, there was a poster and that poster was the only poster. There was no other place to see it but the poster.

Now, it's everywhere.

That image really stands the test of time. Very few images stand the test of time like that image that I've worked on. It's one of my more recognizable images and I have a lot of them.

You do.

So, what can I say? It was a perfectly nice day. She was lovely. We had a nice rapport. The pictures came out great. I continued to work for many years after, and I'm retired now.

What made you jump into hip-hop photography?

Well, that's a funny question because I think my whole life, until recently, has been me falling into things that I wasn't planning on. I was driven to do photography so I was on that path. But if you would've told me my senior year, my fifth year of college, I was going to be shooting rock bands for a living for the rest of my life, I would've said, "Really?" I would've had no idea. But that fifth year [of college] I got a job to shoot a rock band and it just turned into —

The rest of your life?

It turned into the rest of my life. I never said, "I'm going to be a rock photographer." I never said that until I was one. Then, I had no plans on shooting hip-hop. It was an up-and-coming market at the time. I didn't know anything about it. I was friends with Kurt Cobain hanging out at rock shows, and really was unaware of a lot of hip-hop.

I did some hip-hop jobs early. I shot De La Soul, who I loved. I shot a few bands and hip-hop acts that were popular around that time. I got to know a lot of people in the business over time because I worked in it for so long. I was really close with Groovy Lou, who I loved as a stylist. June Ambrose. A lot of people.

But this was a defining moment. That shot, that poster when it came out, it made a lasting impact. It's still gaining speed. At that time, nobody knew who she was.

Did you know who she was?

I might've heard her name but not really. I just got hired on jobs. That's how I learned about people. I listened to the record before anybody else heard it. I got it first. But a lot of people were that way — I would learn about them on the job. That's how you learn because if I'm shooting 100 jobs a year, I don't have time to do anything but the job that's in front of me.

Did you listen to the album before the shoot?

Oh, I'm sure, of course. I don't remember the exact moment I listened to it but I always did. But that was part of the job, and we listened to it all day long during the shoot because that's what we did.

When did you realize that photo was really making waves?

Well, I think it happened over time. Obviously, the poster immediately was like, “OK, that's intense.”

Was it everywhere? Was it all over town?

It was everywhere. And when the poster came out it was powerful. It was a dramatic statement and it sent shock waves immediately. It was clearly influential at the time, I will say that. It was shocking and effective. It put her on the map.

Do you think it put her on the map more so than the cover?

Oh, yeah. The cover, who knows what the cover looks like? Nobody does.

[galacticwarpedlense]

Now this is something I can call a headcanon.

I think it would be cool if after Elliott writes his first book and that gains success, the relationship in the second book is based off whatever relationship Elliott has with the farmer.

Friends? Then part of the sequel (assuming it’s not the romance book) is about a found family.

Friends but maybe Elliott has feelings for the farmer? (Once again, not the romance book) The main character has feelings for their best friend.

Dating? Romance B Plot

Married? A sequel following the married life of the story protagonist and their partner/family.

Divorced? The Mc is getting over a breakup/divorce.

Following the storyline I might give my Farmer and her Elliott. Friends/Crushes with benefits? The turbulent relationship when the Mc and their partner are somewhere between like, love and lust.

I think our actions having an effect on Elliott’s writing and relationship depictions sounds cool.

[ellenembee]

I agree with all the posts out there talking about the Persuasion "adaptation's" character assassination. From what we can see (though I fully admit trailers aren't always true to the movie), Anne is not the calm, reserved, rational, reliable, sensible, and above all self possessed woman of the books, but rather some kind of modern construct built from Austen's more popular women like Lizzie and Emma. (In reality, Anne, Elinor, and Fanny Price would be on a blanket sipping tea while Lizzie, Emma, Catherine, and Marianne were off vexing men and making trouble.)

One thing I haven't seen mentioned, though, is that from the context of the times, Anne was not just being swayed because she valued her family's continued support and Lady Russell's opinion, but because Lady Russell's concerns were real and frightening. Marrying Wentworth *before* he made his fortune was an *incredible* risk to her safety and wellbeing. Throughout the book, we see countless manifestations of "what if" scenarios:

Mr. Elliott as an example of how she likely would've been disowned by her family if she'd married Frederick anyway

Anne's old school friend Mrs. Smith as an example of her life if she'd married anyway, been disowned, and Frederick had died or become injured enough to not be able to properly support her

Benwick and Fanny Harville as an example of what might have happened if she'd kept the engagement but agreed not to marry him until he'd made enough to support them

Her sister Mary's comfortable life as an example of what she might have had if she'd said yes to Charles Musgrove.

Louisa Musgrove as an example of how Anne might have acted if she'd been less risk averse and less prudent in her youth.

You can argue the validity of Anne's situation compared to these manifestations (likely Lady Russell would have risked angering Sir Elliott and taken Anne in with the idea of an eventual reconciliation), but there are countless other examples throughout the book. They are meant to reinforce the point that Anne is reconciled to her own actions, much as she might regret them.

This is not a book where Anne blames herself or her family. She did the "right" thing by breaking it off with Frederick. She just now wishes with her whole being that she hadn't done the "right" thing.

"... but Anne, at seven-and-twenty, thought very differently from what she had been made to think at nineteen. She did not blame Lady Russell, she did not blame herself for having been guided by her ... She was persuaded that under every disadvantage of disapprobation at home, and every anxiety attending his profession, all their probable fears, delays, and disappointments, she should yet have been a happier woman in maintaining the engagement than she had been in the sacrifice of it."

And later, to Frederick:

"If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk."

In hindsight, she sees all the risks and all the examples of her possible life choices, and thinks now it would have been worth the pain and risk. To be disappointed by fate would have been far better than the constant estrangement from the man she has loved for eight years.

Anne sees all the possibilities of how her life might have played out in the people around her, and she accepts it.

And the best part is that Frederick acknowledges that Anne was right to be cautious.

"He had imagined himself indifferent, when he had only been angry, and he had been unjust to her merits, because he had been a sufferer from them ... He had learnt to distinguish between the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy of self-will, between the darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind ...

Fredrick knew he'd been resentful and proud. And he owns up to his mistake of thinking ill of her for so long. He admits he was his own worst enemy when it came to his happiness with Anne. And Anne reinforces this with her words to him near the end:

I have been thinking over the past ... and I must believe that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly right in being guided by [Lady Russell] ... Do not mistake me, however. I am not saying that she did not err in her advice. It was, perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the event decides ...

Anne is calm. She follows her conscience. She is sensible and, yes, resolute when she needs to be. She's amazing as she is and doesn't need to be made into something she's not.

She is appealing because of who she is, and it's also why she's my favorite Austen woman. To divorce Anne of these things is to create a new character and inherently alter the story.

So call it something else. Say it's "inspired by" Persuasion if you want. But don't pretend that you can alter the main character's very personality and still call it Persuasion.

[arcadebluescreened]

Elliott Headcanons that I found while farming

Hello my friends! Since the last list of headcanons was very well received, I thought I would make another list for your enjoyment. Lets begin, shall we?

I like to think that he enjoys romance films. They can be cheesy, or very well written. Either way, he enjoys them. In fact, he often takes notes on the films writing to use in his own work!

-Needless to say, he does recognize symbolism and foreshadowing in films too.

He notices the little things in people or things. The small details are important in writing, so its no surprise that he has noticed a few details about someone or something.

His handwriting is very elegant. Like cursive, but with a bit more added flair. Only a tiny bit though, he wants people to be able read his letters after all.

He is a fan of calligraphy. Need I say more?

And as an added bonus, here is some of my headcanons for Elliott that include the farmer.

Elliott is quite the gentleman. He is the type to hold doors open for people, to offer them his coat when cold, etc. Even if our dear farmer is caked in mud and slime, he would still offer (though he would have to thoroughly wash it once it is returned. I would not like my clothes to have traces of mud and slime on them, and neither would he.)

If you are friends, he will start recommending books to you. He likes it when the farmer takes time to read a page or two in a book.

But what if you are sick? Well, he would do his best to make sure you are ok. If you are friends, he might send a get well soon card or visit you (but not go inside. He doesn't want to intrude.)

If you are dating and you are sick, then he will insist on visiting you and taking care of you. He will make you food and make sure you are ok before he heads home. He will repeatedly tell you to call him if it gets worse, as he worries about you.

If you are married and are sick... goodness, this man will not take a break until he is sure you are alright. He makes sure you stay put until you are better, makes you breakfast, lunch and dinner, checks your temperature almost every hour, etc... he loves his dear farmer, and will not rest until you are ok. He does not care if he catches your illness himself, he will gladly do anything to make sure you are ok.

Thats all for now, my friends. Thank you for all your support! It means very much.

[rohansdisciple]

𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚖 ★ .

read the first part here 🍂 if you didn’t read it yet !

summary : you finding doing out your pregnant && then having the baby ♥︎ .

warnings : romance / fluff / sfw . fem / afab reader . established relationship / married . pet names used . pregnancy sicknesses / pregnancy . and i think that’s it ! tell me if i missed something ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ !

word count : about 1.4 k *

reading time : about 6 minutes *

other : 14+ ** . takes place in the stardew we all know and love, i believe i changed some minor things so the plot makes sense ! may have some minor grammatical errors && the entire story is written in lower case and the punctuation has double spacing in between the words * .

a/n : elliott’s lines while my character was pregnant and after they had the baby were just so wholesome that i HAD to write about him finding out about the pregnancy and the birth of his child… like how could i NOT do that ?!? anyway enjoy the second part pookies ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪ !

credits to @ rookthornesartistry on tumblr and @ crispyporkbelly on deviant art for the dividers !

while peacefully fishing your afternoon away to make extra money , you suddenly feel nauseous and dizzy . maybe the smell of the fish is causing you to feel sick ? unable to tolerate how uncomfortable you feel , you decided to call it a day , packing your things away and grabbing the fish you had caught . slowly and steadily , you make your way back to the farm , feeling like you were going to throw up as you walked .

once you reach the farm , you throw the bag of fish you caught in the box outside to sell it overnight , then unlocking the front door . you then walk inside , leaving your muddy boots at the door . " i'm home , babe . where are you ? ” , you say while walking deeper into the house . “ in the kitchen , my love ! " elliott shouts back , letting you know where he is . you find elliott in the kitchen , cutting up some vegetables for dinner . elliott turns to you with a smile on his face . “ hey, honey. what brings you home so early ? " , but his smile soon fades into an expression of worry when he notices you don't appear to be feeling well .

“ you don’t look too good , my love … how are you feeling ? ” he asks as he comes over to check on you . “ i'm nauseous , and my stomach feels like it's on fire … " you breathe heavily while clutching your stomach , as elliott takes you to the bedroom to lie down . " just relax , honey . you're going to feel better soon , okay ? " he says while laying you down in bed . " i'll be back with some ginger tea , " elliott says calmly before exiting the bedroom . while brewing the ginger tea for you , elliott was thinking about the possible causes of your sickness . you were all charged up before leaving the house , plus he cooked your lunch today from scratch , so the food couldn't have irritated your stomach . then it occurs to him that you two have been trying to conceive a child for the past three months ; perhaps you were experiencing some pregnancy sicknesses that he had read about before , and you seemed to be experiencing similar symptoms .

" here's your tea ; be careful ; it’s still a bit hot , sweetheart , " elliott tells you as he hands you the teacup , and you notice he has a book under his arm . “ thank you , dear , " you say, blowing on the hot tea . “ you know i was thinking while i was making the tea … and you might be pregnant , my love , ” he says, smiling at the very thought . he then places the book on your lap and says , " i purchased this book a while ago ; take a look at the sentences with the green page markers on them and see what you think . " the sentences with green bookmarkers talk about early signs of pregnancy ; some even go into pretty descriptive detail about what you’d be feeling if you were pregnant , so you take a look at a few pages . " oh , i probably am pregnant - " you tell him while you close the book and hand it back , realizing that what you feel could very well be pregnancy sickness .

“ i can go run over to the general store and grab a pregnancy test for you if you want , my love , " he kindly offers . “ that would be nice , dear ; thanks again , ” you say , kissing him on the cheek and then going back to drinking the tea he made you . “ i’ll go get that for you then . i’ll be right back , my love , ” he says with a smile . " please try to rest while i'm out , honey , " he says to you while putting his coat on . elliott kisses you on your forehead , " i'll be right back . i love you , y / n … " he says sweetly , then he heads out of the house to get the pregnancy test .

after about 15 minutes , you hear the bedroom door open . " here you are , y / n , " he says while handing you a tiny bag containing the pregnancy test . " do you think you'll need any help with it - ? " he questions as he assists you to the bathroom . " no , i don't think so ; it seems simple enough , but i'll let you know if i do honey , " you say sweetly while reading the instructions . " i'll be in the kitchen starting dinner ; don't be afraid to call me if you need anything . alright , dear ? " he tells you as he closes the bathroom door to give you some privacy .

when you exit the bathroom after taking the test , you are greeted by the delightful aroma of tom kha soup slowly simmering on the stove . as you enter the living room , you notice your husband sitting on the couch watching tv . he appears to be watching the queen of sauce cooking show , most likely to pass the time while the soup boils . " hey , honey , how did the test go ? " he asks as you sit next to him on the couch . " all good , " you say , resting your head on his shoulder and letting out a sigh . " we should have some results in a few minutes , hon , " you added .

after 5 minutes , you both walk to the restroom to see what the test results are . " i'm kind of nervous … " elliott blurts out as you both walk to the bathroom . " and why is that , my love ? " you ask , giggling at his anxiousness . " because this is such a big moment — finding out if my wife is pregnant or not , " he says . " so it's like nervousness from anticipation of what's to come , " he chuckles as you both enter the bathroom . you pick up the pregnancy test , and it reads positive ! " you're really pregnant , my love ! i'm so happy ! " elliott exclaims happily as he hugs you tight and then passionately kisses you . " i can't wait to be a father to this little baby growing inside of your stomach, honey , " elliott says while touching your tummy .

nine months later …

during the night , you gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl , and elliott named her everleigh . elliott is completely enamored with his daughter , although she was only born a few hours ago . " she's the most precious thing on the planet , " eliott whispers as he cradles her in his arms . " thank you for giving birth to her , my love ; you did amazing , " he says lovingly . " you're very welcome , elliott , " you say while yawning . " you should rest , y / n ; you were in labor all night , " elliott suggests , looking at how sleepy you look . " i'll keep an eye on everleigh while you sleep ; don't worry , my dear , " he says with a reassuring smile , then looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms . " okay , my love … see you two when i wake up , " you murmur , taking in the sight of elliott holding everleigh in his arms one more time before turning over and falling asleep almost immediately after placing your head on the pillow .

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍 ★ .

[sinningtamer]

I know that Harvey is your choice of partner (good choice) but I feel obligated to let you know that he is not the only one who gets unhinged food-related dialogue once you marry him. These are Elliott's greatest hits and I often think about him getting phat

“The smokey aroma drew me here, yet 'twas the zesty sauce that truly sealed my fate... *gurgle*”

“Mmph... I believe I've eaten a few too many slices of pumpkin pie.”

“I might set my pride aside and sink my teeth into a sloppy, saucy barbecue sandwich tomorrow.”

“Would you still love me if I guzzled two gallons of pumpkin ale at the Spirits Eve Festival? Sometimes a man has primitive urges.”

Now I can't stop thinking about stuffing him with burgers for dinner, then filling all the nooks and crannies with pumpkin ale and then giving him an entire pumpkin pie for dessert. If only the characters could actually get fat in the game like in the Sims, I gift him his favourite foods almost every single day.

WHAT IN THE GODDAMN. HELLO. HELLO??????????? ELLIOT PUT YOUR GODDAMN KINK AWAY THIS IS A PUBLIC GATHERING OH MY GODDD????

help all those lines are certainly SOMETHING. he would probably be my second choice bachelor honestly. i can't help but agree with you wholeheartedly because posh characters being discretely a little gluttonous is like the best trope ever gosh. it's so cute he gets comfy saying this stuff once you're married too wahhh. even tho he needs to keep it in his pants jfc

[stardropsaloongossiptrain]

Bachelor/ettes and Farm Chores

Bachelors:

Shane -- I think he's the most likely to do actual farm work, especially if you killed Morris fixed up the community center. He really loves taking care of the chickens, and remembers the ones you got from Marnie's. He also likes the other animals, and will probably spend all day with them. He'll water the crops sometimes, if it's not too hot, but will really just wonder why you don't get more sprinklers.

Alex -- Alex will also help out a lot around the farm, partially as a means of staying fit and partially to help you. He'll haul materials and supplies where you need them, and help keep the animals fed and crows chased off. Will train your pet to do tricks. This is not a farm chore, he trained Dusty.

Sam -- Mr. Sunshine will probably fall back on stuff his mom had him do around the house-- vaccuming, doing the dishes, etc. If you show him a few times how to do something, he'll put it in his routine, but will probably forget every once in a while. Undiagnosed ADHD King!

Harvey -- He has a full time job, so he doesn't have much time to help out on the farm itself. He does keep the house tidy, though, and will do the shopping for anything you don't make yourself. He is an extreme couponer and though he will never admit it misses Joja when it's gone just because of the savings. On days off, he does like to help with production stuff like making pickles or jam, and will help on harvest days if he has the time to do so.

Elliott -- He helps but it's never very structured. His writing schedule takes up a lot of time, but he does like helping with the crops. If he accidentally stays up all night working, he'll go out when the sun starts to rise to water the crops and make sure they're healthy, removing dead leaves and such. Not very helpful with the animals, he doesn't like the smell and is lowkey uncomfortable with so many animals around. Will feed/water the pet, however.

Sebastian -- Just because he's married and doesn't need to save up for Zuzu doesn't mean he stops working. He enjoys his work. He does the least around the farm, I feel. He will take care of the pet, and sometimes offer to feed the animals for you, but will probably just do a little around the house on coffee breaks. It isn't that he's lazy or anything, he just figures you know the farm better than him. Most likely to help when you're crafting stuff, he's good at machines.

Bachelorettes:

Abigail -- She's got the energy and the time, and I think without her dad and mom around she would actually want to help contribute. You aren't going to focus on everything she does wrong or nag her to help, so she actually likes to do it. Most enjoys maintaining the slime hutch if you have one, or knocking down trees for more lumber for you. Introduce her to Marlon, get her a sword, and she'll keep monsters off you while you mine. Just don't mention it to the in laws.

Leah -- When she's not focused on making her next piece, Leah likes helping around the farm. She's there every harvest, but will also keep an eye on kegs/casks/preserves for you and remind you when they're ready to turn over. Will pick an area to do work in so she can sketch it when she's finished.

Penny -- She's still pretty busy tutoring the kids, but she likes taking care of the house. She makes most of the meals and will help reset makers when she gets home in the afternoon. She might keep her own flower garden, if there's space for it.

Maru -- She's not the best at helping with actual chores, but will upgrade things for you to make life a little easier-- better sprinklers, autofeeders, automated makers. If you do really need a hand though, she will be there helping.

Emily -- Another one of those full time job havers. Emily will help out on the farm if you need her to, but she's more likely going to do house chores. Would most likely help turning over makers, if anything. She doesn't want to throw you off schedule, though, particularly if you run a big maximized farm.

Haley -- She barely cleaned the couch cushions living at home, homegirl is not gonna be the type to get her hands dirty on your behalf. The least employed woman here, the most time on her hands, the least helpful. Might eventually contribute if you asked her to, but she doesn't do much willingly. Maybe as she gets older it might change, but she's your wife and not your farmhand.

[sillystardew]

Bachelor/ettes helping in the mines

Some of these are loosely based on the mod ‘NPC Adventures’ on nexusmods! Check it out, it’s super fun to play with, especially if you normally have trouble in the mines on your own

Most of these take place pre-relationship, but can be interpreted romantically :)

Gender neutral reader 🦇

Bachelors

Sam

-He’s not the worst person to bring with you, but I wouldn’t bring him too far down in the mines, he can’t handle the monsters 😭 -Abby has tried (and failed) to convince him to go before, so you’re going to have to be really convincing -Screaming at literally. Everything. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE??” “That was your own footstep, Sam.” -He uses a generic sword from the adventurers guild (or one of your spares) :)

Alex

-He pretends He’s big and tough the whole time, but if a monster gets closer than 2 ft he’s screaming as high-pitched as humanly possible -He’s strong enough to use the mallets, but he uses the swords too -He’s overall a pretty good mining partner! As long as you don’t have sensitive hearing (rip)

Shane

-Actually surprisingly helpful when it comes to monsters. He’s got some good muscle on him! -He can beat the slimes and bugs no problem, but the shadow people freak him out. Stay on lvl 50 and above and you’re golden, he’s your guy -he doesn’t like the monsters getting too close to him, so he uses a sword

Elliott

-He’ll only go down the first 5-10 levels. Anything past that gets him way too close to the danger, and he just.. doesn’t have the right skill set to defend himself -He really doesn’t want to have to hold a weapon, but for protection he’ll bring a flimsy sword -He’s definitely scared, but damn, this is an AMAZING opportunity to get inspiration for a story, and he just can’t pass that up

Harvey

-Look, he’s very flattered you would invite him -but he is NOT GOING DOWN THERE. -ARE YOU INSANE. -He’s very happy to help you prepare and help you assess yourself afterwards though! -Before marriage he 100% is just like “PLEASE PLEASE TAKE THESE LIFE ELIXIRS YOU DON’T HAVE TO PAY JUST TAKE THEM” every time you even suggest you might check out the mines -after you’re married? Why do you think he charges you 2000g every time you pass out…. All those life elixirs, punk…….

Sebastian

-He’s not very strong, but he makes up for it with how fast he moves. Idk how he got across the level you’re on but you turn around and he’s gone -he uses one of the smaller daggers, he doesn’t really have the coordination or strength to swing a sword around -if he gets scratched even a little bit he’s like “fuck this shit” and dips

Bachelorettes

Abigail

-by far the best person to bring with you, she has tons of experience (and could probably snap your spine in two. Do you know how much strength it actually takes to use a sword like she does??) -She gets a little creeped out by the bugs, but other than that she’s pretty fearless regarding monsters.

Haley

-yeah, no. She isn’t going down there. -the only way you have a chance of convincing her is telling her about the great pictures she can get -If the picture opportunities somehow persuade her, you better believe you’re going to act as her personal bodyguard the whole time.

Penny

-ohhh she is NOT made for adventure -She’s glad to just stay at home and patch you up when you’re all done, thank you very much -She loves the stories you tell about the mines, she’s amazed at how much you get accomplished every day. You’re a huge inspiration for her!

Emily

-She’s happy to go down with you, as long as you don’t hurt any monsters while you’re down there together! She knows protecting yourself is important, but she wants the least amount of casualties possible -She is not bringing a weapon but a lot of the monsters just… leave her alone??

Leah

-actually one of the more likely candidates to go with you. She’s strong and can hold her own, plus she has an eye for beautiful and valuable gems -Definitely one of the more helpful mining partners! -like Elliott, she’s using a lot of her experience down here as inspiration for her art -she’ll just use a basic sword :)

Maru

-She’s definitely hesitant about going, but there are a lot of valuable materials down there.. -scratch that. Her dad is gonna kill her faster than those monsters ever could -She will not hesitate to make you a checklist of the materials she needs for her latest project -If she ever somehow went without her dad knowing, she’d take a sword!