#I think of her as like mid-late twenties but in this she’s like 35

[skyward-floored]

Impa has had plenty of battle experience in her life.

Countless days spent training in both tactics and fighting itself, long hours plugged into doing nothing but honing the skills of her tribe and other abilities she’s been gifted with. Learning the most effective ways to use them all together, and win any fight.

But there’s really no way to prepare yourself for a battle in which both your past lover (who can’t exactly be called her husband since Impa hasn’t even spoken to him in almost two decades, and has also for some reason aligned himself with an army of monsters) and son (who is unaware of the identity of either of his parents, and shouldn’t be on the battlefield anyway since he’s not even of age) are both running around in on opposite sides, making it impossible to keep track of either of them.

Impa huffs as she dodges a spear, worry and exasperation clashing together within her.

She’s lost sight of Link for the third time already this battle, and only has a vague idea of where Volga ended up. Link has demonstrated he can handle himself, but he’s still only a trainee, and Impa’s seen (even from a distance) what sort of trouble he can get into.

And Volga...

The questions that have been swirling around in her head ever since the battle start to come to life again, but Impa ignores them, focusing not on the hurt and confusion and instead on her current goal.

“Where did the boy go, Link?” she asks the captain stationed at the keep she’s helping defend, slashing past a bokoblin and narrowly saving a soldier’s head.

The captain frowns, holding his shield up to block a stray arrow. “I lost sight of him, all I know is he took out a whole squad of bokos and ran off,” he says, forehead creased.

“I saw him heading to the abandoned fort ma’am,” a soldier calls towards her. “Someone said that dragon-man is back there, I think he went to go fight him off.”

A cold feeling steals into Impa’s chest.

“Idiot boy is going to get himself killed,” the captain at her side mutters, slicing viciously at a monster. “Trainees shouldn’t be out here at all, no less fighting dragons. Boy barely looks old enough to shave.”

Impa more than agrees, but doesn’t waste her time with words, leaving the keep in the captain’s capable hands, and taking off to go find Link.

...and Volga.

She follows the soldier’s words, heading to the fort he’d pointed out. Sure enough, as she gets closer, she sees streams of fire burst into the air, hears the clash of weapons and familiar shouts.

Her heart skips a beat, and she runs past bokoblins and moblins alike, pausing only momentarily to fight her way past a few.

None of the monsters that get in her way are terribly tough, but they take time to fight, and Impa is getting anxious, casting continued glances at the smoke and fire nearby. She’s seen firsthand today how good of a fighter Link is, but she’s also well aware of Volga’s strength.

And Link... will need help.

The last bokoblin falls and Impa runs for the fort, arriving just in time to see Volga slam a clawed fist into Link. He cries out as he’s thrown across the cobblestones, landing in a motionless heap, and Impa bolts, blood roaring in her ears.

She slides to a stop in front of Link when Volga tries to advance, putting herself between them and blocking his path. The dragon knight stares at her, shadowed eyes narrowed, and Impa glares back, unmoving in her defense of Link.

She sees no sign of the man she fell in love with in his eyes.

“How noble,” Volga sneers, embers falling from his mouth. “Enjoy your shared grave.”

The fire around him begins to intensify, and Impa’s eyes widen, knowing immediately what it means.

“Oh no...” she breathes, and turns back to Link in a panic, getting to a knee and touching his shoulder. He shifts at her touch, but just a little, his eyes flickering when she shakes him. Volga growls, and Impa whirls back towards him, knowing she doesn’t have enough time to pull Link out of here.

The air around Volga wavers with heat as flames lick up his form, and then he moves forward, blasting a huge plume of fire directly at them both, hotter than death mountain itself.

And right before the flames hit, Link stumbles in front of Impa, a hand outstretched like he hopes to hold back the flames with nothing but his arm.

Impa barely has enough time to be horrified (he’s only a boy, he shouldn’t be protecting her, she can’t watch her son die—) before the flames engulf them both.

...

But instead of burning alive in her former-lover’s flames, Impa instead feels a gentle warmth.

It’s equally soothing and powerful, and she opens her eyes, not even realizing she’d closed them. The sight that meets her makes her startle, and she stares up at Link in utter shock.

Golden light is pouring around Link— around her son, in a wide, protective glow, encircling and keeping them both safe. All of him holds a shine, but his left hand is glowing especially bright, triangles outlined on the back in a beautiful luminescent gold. A sign of which Impa would know anywhere and had already begun to suspect, but almost doesn’t want to believe, to face what it truly means for them all.

Link is the Hero.

Volga’s flames finally peter off, and the light fades, but Link still holds his hand up, fingers shaking a little. Volga studies him, giving Link a calculating look as his eyes dart across his face, and Impa finds herself holding her breath.

Will he notice the similarities, will he pick up on the features he and Link share, will he put the pieces together—

But Volga appears not to recognize anything amiss about Link, or even herself, and he barely spares her a glance as he growls something about not being beaten, and departs the battlefield.

Link shakily falls to a knee almost the moment he’s gone, and Impa resists the urge to grab him by the shoulders and make sure he’s okay, instead joining his side not too quickly.

“H-how...” he croaks, staring at his hand in equal awe and terror. “What was...”

“The triforce of courage,” Impa supplies, and he looks at her, his face covered in grime and sweat, and layered with a healthy amount of shock.

She takes a deep breath as what the meaning of this truly signifies begins to sink into her chest, fear and pride and several other emotions all vying for her attention. But she ignores them all, especially the sharp ache at the realization her son has a long fight ahead of him.

A monster howls somewhere nearby, accompanied by a soldier’s yell, and Impa closes her eyes, then reopens them, packing the emotions away with practiced ease.

“...I’m afraid we don’t have time for me to explain everything to you right now,” she apologizes, offering Link a hand up. “But I promise I will. At the moment, we have a battle to win.”

Link swallows, looking like he wants to say more. But then he straightens his shoulders and nods, letting her pull him to his feet. Impa can feel his hand still faintly shaking, and she can’t resist giving it the lightest of squeezes before she lets go, quickly returning her attention to the battle still raging outside the fort.

They can figure all of this out later. She can figure all of this out later.

Right now, they have a battle to win.

[heretichromia]

Exploring the Relationship Dynamics Between the Abyssal Hunters

I had a few people either misinterpret or express confusion regarding this post that I made, so I want to make a different post covering the same (and more) material that's more rooted in explicit textual evidence which doesn't use emotionally-charged language. I'm going to try my best to stay neutral here and discuss multiple possible interpretations.

In short, I want to break down all that we know regarding the nature of the relationships shared by the four* Abyssal Hunters. In long, see below. And...I mean long, it's 5,000 words.

*Abyssal Hunters as a faction of Ægir; sorry, Andreana. Note: Minor Path of Life (CN) spoilers below. None of the major events are spoiled, but I do talk about a lot of the context that the event gives us on Ægir society and the backstories of the Hunters.

What we know from the text:

I'll keep this segment as objective as possible, and only state things that I can directly argue as nearly indisputable from textual evidence. Some interpretation work is going to have to be done here, however, and I'm open to anyone who disagrees with anything here pointing out the passages in the text that contradict my assertions.

Ages:

This is a subject the community as a whole is widely misinformed about, so I'm highlighting it separately.

We know from Path of Life that the expected lifespan of an Ægir is around 150 years.

Gladiia is likely in her late 30s. She has 17 years of combat experience, which we're led to believe began relatively shortly after she received independence from her abusive, neglectful, and controlling mother. She was appointed as Consul of Technology before becoming an Abyssal Hunter, though her module description characterizes her as having been unable to decide the trajectory of her life, which implies to me that she was not free of her mother for very long before the operation. We don't have reason to believe Ægir uses child soldiers nor appoints children to be Technology Consuls, so this places her minimum age at around 35 and her likely age as a little older than that. She was still characterized as a young Consul ten years after her appointment, so I don't believe she'd be much older. Late 30s is my best approximation; much older than that, and things begin making less sense regarding the multiple parental figures still present in her life.

Skadi is likely also in her 30s, though the actual bounds are wider than Gladiia's. She has 13 years of combat experience, making her 31 at the youngest. However, from Path of Life we know that she was the most skilled technician in her division prior to becoming an Abyssal Hunter. This means she probably had at least a few, if not several years of work experience out of the Academy. If she's younger than Gladiia, it's likely not by many years, and she could even be conceivably older than her. I think she's probably a small handful of years younger, if you had to ask me my personal interpretation.

Laurentina is the youngest of the Abyssal Hunters. She has seven years of combat experience, implying that she joined a decade after Gladiia. This places her minimum age at 25. We can imagine she's probably not too much older than that, since she never fully embraced a career as a sculptor before changing circumstances caused her to apply for the Abyssal Hunters. She's probably in her mid-to-late 20s.

Ulpianus is the oldest, and potentially by a considerable margin. He was the first Abyssal Hunter, becoming one twenty years ago, as well as one of the scientists who created the Abyssal Hunters to begin with. He was already one of the most preeminent scientific minds of Ægir by this point. Since Ægir can live to 150, this means the upper bound on his age is potentially very high. This man could conceivably be in his 80s or older without it breaking anything we know about the story. The lower bound of his age is probably somewhere in his late 40s at an absolute minimum, assuming that the Ægirian process for becoming an accomplished scientist is anywhere remotely similar to the real-world one. It's completely up to speculation where his actual age falls between those bounds.

Connections between the Hunters:

An important note to make here that isn't precisely a connection, but does inform them: Ægir as a society does not have a compulsion towards nuclear family structures. In fact, the opposite is true. From Path of Life, we know that Ægir are usually raised in groups in dedicated schools. Ægir seems to prioritize careers over interpersonal relationships, and direct blood family ties are much weaker. Ægirian women don't give birth to their children directly; the embryos are surgically removed and then grown separately.

Laurentina's close relationship with her biological parents was noted as being somewhat atypical, and they still didn't raise her themselves. Instead, they allowed childcare services to raise her while frequently taking her with them on their trips when they could. Gladiia's upbringing, where she was isolated by an abusive and neglectful mother, is also atypical. From her conversation with Clemenza, we learn that she was in fact strongly suggested to give up Gladiia to childcare services, but refused to do so.

Onto the actual connections:

Gladiia met Ulpianus in the earlier years of the Abyssal Hunter project, when she was a young, emotionally vulnerable woman who was actively seeking new familial connections (see: her module). Given how well Ulpianus understands the other Hunters (implied in Stultifera Navis and displayed in Path of Life), it's very unlikely that he wasn't aware of this. Ulpianus declined his student Underflow's application to the Abyssal Hunters because he didn't want her to become like him. It's likely, then, that he personally processed Gladiia's entry into the Abyssal Hunters.

We know from Specter the Unchained's module that the two of them spoke at least somewhat often, discussing subjects like philosophy. In the one conversation we see, Ulpianus is explaining to Gladiia his concerns about the direction Ægir is heading in these "protracted days of calamity," and she seems to either agree with or absorb his pontification. He certainly takes the lead in this conversation with the "young Consul," and while a mentorship role can be inferred from this, it's not directly stated anywhere.

From Gladiia's IS3 ending, we know that Ulpianus never directly indicated to her that he felt any connection between them, nor did he bring up concepts like seniority around her. However, his actual feelings concerning her were clearly more sentimental than he let on, as he unexpectedly sacrificed his life for the sake of his "junior." Gladiia hadn't realized he was so sentimental until it happened, but in retrospect she looked back upon it warmly, realizing she never truly understood Ulpianus.

We have fewer interactions between Ulpianus and Skadi than we do between Ulpianus and Gladiia, but we can infer something of a dynamic from what we do have. Ulpianus trusted Skadi implicitly. From Path of Life, we know that he treated her differently from the other Hunters in his company. Ulpianus was a brilliant tactician who gave complex plans to each of his soldiers, but when he got to Skadi—who frequently spaces out when listening to others, and by her own admission in the event doesn't like to think—he merely told her that he trusted her to carry out her duty. He understood her, and didn't belittle her for her weaknesses. He had faith in her, and was right to do so; Skadi completed every mission exceptionally.

In the Second Company, meanwhile, Gladiia and Laurentina clearly had a closer relationship than just their positions would imply. Gladiia considered herself Laurentina's teacher, instructing her not only in the art of war but also in life skills. Their first lesson was not in violence, but in dance (Specter the Unchained OpRec). Whereas Laurentina is now frequently associated with her dancing, not just in narrative framing but actively by Ulpianus in Path of Life, she had barely danced much at all prior to her dances with Gladiia.

Already by the time of her aforementioned conversation with Ulpianus, Gladiia had developed a fondness for her subordinate. She even smiled when she spoke of her glowingly, something she almost never does. Gladiia, as critical as she is of almost everyone, can hardly find fault with Laurentina. From the aforementioned OpRec, we see that even Laurentina expects her to lecture her more than she does. Frequently, when confronted with her peculiarities and the choices she makes, Gladiia will approve of them warmly. The OpRec also has a wonderful passage of them just talking and spending time with one-another. It's very warm and gives a lot of small insights to their relationship and their relationship with the arts (a subject they're both very attached to) that I can't really explain effectively here without exploding the already extremely high word count. I'd recommend reading it if you haven't already.

In short, though, the relationship between Gladiia and Laurentina is very warm despite Gladiia's frequent brusqueness and coldness. In Ægir, they would see plays together—but because of Gladiia's insistence upon minimizing distractions while experiencing art, would sit apart. In Specter's post-Under Tides OpRec, Laurentina had to practically beg Gladiia before she showed her any more warmth than would be warranted to any other subordinate, as Gladiia kept her emotions tightly to her chest. Laurentina's emotional intelligence and close bond with her allows her to see through Gladiia's practiced emotionless exterior. Like Ulpianus, she understands Gladiia well enough to see through the strong facade she fronts to get glimpses into the deep well of anxiety beneath. In Laurentina's story in IS3, their bond is described as so close that she doesn't need to speak with Gladiia to understand her. She continued to dance with her as their primary method of silent communication for months after Gladiia had ceased speaking because of how much she hated how the Seaborn assimilation had changed her voice.

Of course, Laurentina and Skadi also share a deep bond, which is probably the most well-known one. Though how well they knew each other prior to the attack on Ishar'mla is still somewhat unclear—though it's clear from multiple sources (e.g. Specter OpRec, Path of Life, etc.) they weren't strangers—the important bulk of their relationship concerns their time spent together at Rhodes Island on land. Tortured by the Church of the Deep's horrific experiments and driven insane by the originium that Bishop Amaia injected into her spinal column, Laurentina was in an almost unrecognizable state when she was reunited with Skadi (Specter OpRec). She'd developed a second personality called Specter as a result of her experiences, one that was fully unfamiliar to Skadi, and the real Laurentina seemed to be locked away inside her own mind, in endless sleep, unable to awaken.

Skadi took care of Laurentina. She was not easy to care for. Beyond just requiring intensive care to keep her alive, Specter was mentally unstable. She would be unable to leave her treatment room for long stretches of time, and if the way she spoke to Skadi during her OpRec once she'd 'fallen asleep' again is any indication, some of the things she'd say to Skadi were truly vile. To continually bear this cannot have been an easy burden to shoulder, but Skadi would nonetheless come into her room constantly, sing songs to her, and tell her stories. Laurentina heard it all, though she couldn't speak. Though she teased her for it mercilessly when she awoke after Under Tides, she expressed legitimate gratitude to Skadi for all she'd done taking care of her.

If their bond was not intensely close before, it is now. Laurentina, now awake, teaches Skadi to dance in Unchained's OpRec, just as Gladiia taught her before. Just as she can see through Gladiia's facades, Laurentina understands Skadi enough to be able to see through hers to the genuine, warm, and caring person she is. Skadi, meanwhile, goes to great lengths to make sure Laurentina is okay. She cared more about her wellbeing than she did about obediently listening to the orders of her superiors; when Gladiia came to take Specter from Rhodes Island, she protested, and followed Gladiia to Sal Viento to take her back.

Skadi and Gladiia do not have nearly as warm a history. Both are rather emotionally unintelligent and wear masks of indifference around each other. That isn't to say they don't care about each other, though; if anything, we have plenty of evidence to the contrary. Gladiia did not hesitate for a moment about risking death for Skadi's sake in Under Tides, feeling a duty to protect her from both the First to Talk and the monster that dwells inside her head. They share a bond of camaraderie that's constantly reinforced in every event.

In Stultifera Navis and its supplemental material, we got more inklings of the development of a deeper relationship between them, though it's naturally strained because of their natures. Skadi, who always calls Gladiia "Second Captain," accidentally called her Gladiia in SN—to which Gladiia brusquely remarked that she was getting rather comfortable around her. She corrected her mistake and hasn't made it since. In the oft-mentioned now Specter the Unchained OpRec, when Laurentina teaches Skadi how to dance she remarks that Gladiia would like to dance with her. Skadi brushes this off as a mean-spirited joke, but it's much more likely that Laurentina knows they both feel an unspoken fondness for the other and is steadily poking at them to share it with the other.

Lastly, and certainly least, we have Laurentina and Ulpianus. There's...almost nothing here. We know that they're not strangers, and from Path of Life we know that Ulpianus at least understands Laurentina well enough as an individual, but as far as I'm aware there's not much to suggest what sort of relationship they may have had beyond just comrades, if any. Ulpianus seemed to become disinterested in continuing his conversation with Gladiia once she started gushing about Laurentina, but that's more likely a case of him being averse to talks about feelings in general than it is any distaste for Shark herself.

---

Possible interpretations:

From this, we have a pretty good idea of the general shape of how these dynamics work. There's a lot of room to talk about the intricacies of their relationships, and I...can't cover every single possibility here.

I'd love to. If you ask me, I can keep yapping. I didn't write all of this because of some solemn dedication to archiving these fictional fish. Please, litter my inbox if you have questions. I can yap endlessly.

Instead, I'll focus on some of the predominant interpretations that I've seen across discussions and fanworks. Namely, the idea of the Abyssal Hunters as a family and the idea of some of the Abyssal Hunters as romantic partners.

I'll be covering interpretations that are both supported and not supported by the text to varying degrees. I'm going to outline how well I believe the text supports these interpretations, which is obviously going to be subjective, but I'm going to try to keep my own personal bias out of it. I have my own preferences, but I will be as neutral as I can be here.

The Family Angle

The Abyssal Hunters are a found family. That's not so much subtext as it is text—again, see Gladiia's module about how she failed to find the warmth and belonging she sought from her biological family, and instead searched for a new family. They have dynamics between them that are clearly at least meant to mirror existing family dynamics.

But a found family is not the same thing as a biological family. It does not necessarily feature the same dynamics as you'd find between actual family members. The "family angle" is the interpretation that the relationship between all of them is in fact completely familial in nature. While found families do not preclude romantic and sexual relationships between their members, a familial relationship between these characters implies that their bond is strong in a way that is neither romantic nor sexual in nature.

This, in itself, is neither confirmed nor denied by the text. It's consistent with what we're shown, and is perhaps one of the more 'pure' interpretations of these relationships—in the sense that it doesn't read more into the characters than the information presented. The Abyssal Hunters are characterized in expressly familial terms, and so this interpretation says that this is the extent of their dynamics. For clarity, it is neither more nor less correct than other interpretations for this, and is not personally my own. If there's anything limiting this interpretation, it's that Ægirians don't have nuclear family ties in the same way that we do, but that doesn't in my view contradict a familial interpretation as much as it modifies how it's perceived by the characters.

There are, of course, a lot of different ways you can approach the family angle. I'll outline some of the more sensible ones that can be concluded from the text.

One of the more common interpretations is that of the three female hunters as siblings. Again, there's no real confirmation of this in the text—only sentiments that the bond between them is thicker than blood—but there's nothing in the text which contradicts this. They certainly could play into typical sibling dynamics fairly well, with Gladiia as the serious, beleaguered older sister who whips the younger siblings into shape, and Laurentina as the brattiest child of the family who's nonetheless more emotionally intelligent than her stubborn sisters. It's one I see a lot, and I don't really see an issue with it.

Another common interpretation is that there exists something mirroring a parent/daughter relationship between the Captains and their subordinates: Ulpianus/Skadi, and Gladiia/Laurentina. From what's been outlined above, there's definitely food for this sort of interpretation in the text. Gladiia, for instance, is definitely motherly towards Laurentina. I do not believe this is a coincidence; as someone who was failed by her mother in horrendous ways, she's taken on a motherly role towards those she cares for and whom she believes she has a responsibility for. I think this, in itself, is a fine interpretation.

I think it gets much weaker when it's taken a step further into a literal parent/daughter relationship between them. These are adult women. At most, the age gap between Gladiia and Laurentina is a little over a decade, and they were adults when they met. She might feel a motherly responsibility for this woman, but I do not believe she'd consider a fully adult woman only around a decade her junior to be her daughter. Friendships between people in their mid-20s and mid-30s happen all the time in the real world. They are not, by any stretch of the imagination, anything like real parent-child relationships. The age gap between Ulpianus and Skadi is likely wider, and thus it's more reasonable that Ulpianus would see someone Skadi's age that he met in her 20s as someone who could have been his daughter. Even in that case, their dynamic would be heavily qualified by the fact that he has always known Skadi as a fully adult woman.

One similar possible dynamic that I almost never see is the idea of Ulpianus as a father for Gladiia. They're of similar ages, and if he saw Skadi as someone who could have been his daughter, he surely see Gladiia as the same. Gladiia, as well, desperately needed a parental figure in her life and never got one. They clearly have a senior/junior, possibly mentor/student relationship in the text, even if neither of them explicitly acknowledge it as one. This is the logical next step, which many have taken for the other plausible parent/daughter relationships, but I never see this one.

The Romance Angle

People like shipping. I'm people, too. I like shipping. It's pretty natural that, when it comes to characters we like that have close relationships like this, there's going to be people who are primarily invested in slapping two or more of them together like Barbies. Some of these relationship dynamics are more plausible than others.

Here's where some of the objectivity might break down. I'll try my best to limit my personal bias, but it's extremely hard to speak objectively about topics that are so obviously subject to personal interpretation.

First, I'd like to emphasize that Ægirian social dynamics, likely including romance, are alien to us. The likelihood that these characters would feel exactly the same about romance as we do in a predominantly monogamous society structured around nuclear families with a marriage at the core is...very low. Ægir and the nations of land are fundamentally different in ways that make understanding one-another difficult. Listen to some of Specter the Unchained's voicelines expressing her frustration about how she doesn't have the means to convey to the Doctor everything she'd like to. While we can (and should if we'd like to) have fun with applying our concepts of romance to them, we should always keep in mind that they might not actually share them as characters.

On the more fun side, this opens up a world of possible arrangements. We can speculate, for instance, that these characters might be much more open to polyamory than others might. Or, perhaps, their courtship looks very different from ours, and we can explore how that might look through fiction. One relationship existing does not need to preclude the others even in our society, much less theirs.

The most obvious potential romance that most people would identify among the Abyssal Hunters is Skadi and Laurentina, and I have to agree that it's one of the most plausible, if not the single most. I...don't think I even need to linger too much on this one, because most of it's already been laid out. Their story reads like a tragic yuri plot. The romance is practically already written; if you showed me the exact same story that these two have, but they kiss at the end, it would not remotely feel like it came out of nowhere. It's one of many dynamics between characters that would be readily interpreted as romantic by a wider audience if, say, Skadi were a man. It's already one of the most popular Arknights ships as-is! It fits their characters, and makes sense as an interpretation.

It isn't necessarily the only interpretation of these characters, of course. As discussed, there's a wide array of ways you can interpret their bond, and many are just as supported by the text. While there's plenty of subtext that can be said to be romantic between them, that subtext can all be interpreted in platonic and familial ways. This is a Chinese gacha game; we're not going to get explicit confirmation of any of these relationships, and all romantic subtext will be written to resemble other kinds of subtext. That means that other subtext that was legitimately not meant to be romantic can scan as romantic. There's no strong argument here for authorial intent regarding the two of them either way.

...You can tell how strong the potential for a ship here is that I felt the need to use one of the two paragraphs I spent talking about it to discuss how it's not necessarily the only possible dynamic.

The second most likely, in my eyes, is Laurentina and Gladiia, which I'll elaborate further on than Skadi/Laurentina because of its rarity as a ship by comparison; it's legitimately plausible that most who might read this haven't considered it at all. Of the pairs possible within the trio, they're the two with the oldest history, who clearly have a deep and intimate bond. The exact nature of this bond is subject to interpretation, of course. As discussed earlier, Gladiia is quite motherly when it comes to Laurentina. A familial interpretation of the two of them is common, but as uncommon as a romantic interpretation is, I think it's both easily supported and already has plenty of material in the text to feed it. You can easily read the time they spent together in Specter the Unchained's OpRec as a date. That their dynamic has motherly characteristics does not stop it from being romantic. Plenty of romances in popular fiction have motherly elements to them; that behavior can simply be Gladiia's chosen language of love.

An issue that I can imagine is the power dynamic between them—not necessarily even as a moral argument about the ship, but as an issue between their characters. Laurentina was, of course, young when she joined the Abyssal Hunters, and Gladiia became both her superior and her mentor. I would be surprised if Laurentina was much older than 21 at the time, and I would not be surprised if she was in fact 18. Gladiia, meanwhile, would have been probably in the range of 28-30. While almost the same exact age gap would be present between Laurentina and Skadi, who would have met her at a similar time, the fact that Gladiia served as her mentor definitely colors the relationship in a different way.

As someone who clearly felt a responsibility towards Laurentina, I find it very unlikely that the nature of their relationship was immediately romantic. Even though Gladiia was immature in many ways and inexperienced compared to others of her age as a result of her isolated childhood and arrested development caused by her mother's abuse, she still likely would have seen a romance as unacceptable between the two of them. That may have even contributed to the arm's length she seems to sometimes keep Laurentina at, to the latter's chagrin.

However, critically, they aren't that age anymore. Laurentina is firmly an adult who can make reasoned decisions for herself, and frankly often showcases more emotional maturity than Gladiia does. Their situation is radically changed. Gladiia is still her commander, but she's her leader more because of mutual trust than any necessity to follow the orders of the Ægirian military. They're no longer student and teacher; they're much more akin to equals now. There are now things that Laurentina can teach Gladiia; Gladiia is now the one who most desperately needs character development. The barriers that could have stopped their feelings from becoming a romance have eroded, and there is now the potential for one to form that is completely fitting within the bounds of the text and our understanding of their characters.

...

Okay, it's time to discuss the subject matter of the post I linked at the top of this one. Ulpianus and Gladiia.

...Almost everything I've just said about Gladiia and Laurentina applies doubly here.

It's the same dynamic. A junior who becomes an equal. It's much more common, in my experience, probably because it's heterosexual. Like with the other dynamics, there's nothing in the story that outright contradicts it. I do think its claim is weaker than the last two, though. I find it much harder to believe that Ulpianus would have harbored romantic feelings towards Gladiia.

She was much younger than him at the time they met, compared to the age gap between the other Hunters and Laurentina, and—as mentioned—he was likely very aware of her emotional immaturity, vulnerability, and desire to form real connections for the first time in her life. Ulpianus is, from what we can tell, a very thoughtful man who understands his comrades very well and reckons solemnly with the consequences of his actions. As I put it in a previous post, he's a man who "constantly pontificates on duty, responsibility, and what 'ought to be.'" I don't believe a principled man like Ulpianus—who is stubborn about principles to the point of contentiousness, who considers emotions to be secondary to duty and righteousness, who is prepared to throw away everything for what he believes in, including his life and his humanity—would do anything that could be considered taking advantage of an emotionally vulnerable young woman. That seems incredibly contradictory to his character. Even if she's grown physically, I think it's easy to read from his actions that he still sees her as someone who's still immature. I think he would have a much harder time seeing Gladiia as an equal peer than Gladiia would Laurentina.

Now, to play devil's advocate somewhat, I will say that there's material within this to work with. The love of a man who won't even confess that he cares at all for his younger student, much less act upon his desires is a setup for what could be a great fan-made story. I don't personally think it could ever end with the two of them together while staying true to their characterization, but that's up for interpretation. This is, however, not the way I see this ship characterized at all. If anything, they're most popularly depicted as ex-lovers or the husband/wife of a nuclear family. I've probably belabored the point enough that I don't need to break those concepts down, so I'll leave it there.

Briefly, I want to pay some lip service to the idea I floated earlier of a...fish polycule. I don't believe that Skadi and Gladiia have the most romantic flags at present out of the trio, but (especially in the event that both of them are romantically involved with Laurentina) I can easily see them growing closer and eventually breaking down the barrier of communication between them that stops them from expressing their fondness for one-another in ways that aren't professing they'd want the other to kill them if they became a monster.

There's not a lot of material in the text for this, but that's hardly stopped anyone before. It certainly hasn't stopped me. I ship Gladiia with Lavinia/Penance. I don't need them to acknowledge each other's existence to see a line there; I'm not about to judge anyone for pairing off two characters who have had considerable screen time together, where one nearly died for the sake of the other.

Lastly, I feel like I should at least mention e.g. Laurentina/Irene and Gladiia/Kal'tsit. Mostly because this post isn't about those dynamics. I could talk about Gladiia/Kal'tsit. I could talk about the parallels in Gladiia's first IS3 scene, where Gladiia's recollections about her mother's neglect are immediately juxtaposed with Kal'tsit's concern for her. I could further elaborate on Gladiia's complex relationships with the concept of motherhood, and how Kal'tsit relates to that. I won't. But I could.

I don't even know if I ship Gladiia/Kal'tsit as a romantic couple. I just like their relationship a lot, whatever form it takes.

---

Endnotes.

Thanks for reading! I don't have a sweeping conclusion to finish with; the point of this post was just to compare and contrast popular fandom depictions of these characters with the actual material found in the text.

I hope you enjoyed, or learned something. I know there's so much goddamn text in Arknights that it's kind of impossible for anyone to reflect thoroughly on every single part of it. If you have any questions, criticism, or suggestions, my inbox is open!

[deepwoodmotte2]

ok me again many thoughts this evening!formal investigation into cregan x dornish reader if you write dorne as a generic combination of South American/Latinx cultures below!! (inspired by me, who is Latinx. super super promise i am not being weird i was making salchipapas while I thought about this the first time.) (reader is referred to as a princess, she/her pronouns. her appearance isn’t referred to besides long hair. i can also write a GN version of this if people want it!!)

ok so in my mind cregan would only be likely to end up with a dornish reader if the war necessitated it, OR, in my favorite rendition, she was his third wife. I love Alysanne blackwood too much to write her out entirely. so cregan, single dad again at, say, 35, attends a council at King’s Landing. Why? Not Important! maybe a grain deal?? but reader, who is a dornish princess, is there as an envoy (think when oberyn attended the wedding!) in place of her parent, the current ruler of dorne. reader is mid or late-twenties, married once before and widowed. she has one unnamed son, who’s 10.)

the council pair off, and somehow, a deal gets struck between the north, dorne, and king’s landing. maybe for spices? and so suddenly you, reader, are having to work very closely with this imposingly tall, broad northerner with a thick beard and long hair and a nose that’s clearly been broken a couple times and apparently a crop of children and you cannot look away. i like to imagine the north as scotland when Scotland was heavily populated by the danish - cregan has a unplaceable accent to you, but his voice is so rich and gently firm that you can’t help but swoon a little. he’s stormy - he’s dour, and he gets a little tiny mischievous smirk when he’s talking sometimes that you think you want to see in your child’s face someday. he’s a bit older than you but in an appealing way, he’s a lord, he looks like that, and you, who have always been independent, strategic, and witty, are suddenly at a LOSS. i always like to imagine my readers with happy families so i’m imagining reader speaking furiously to a bastard sister she’s brought with her in spanish like “¡¡¡si si si !!!!! y es MUY alto y…. tienes que jurarme que guardarás silencio… pero es tan guapo….” and the whole time reader is completely unaware that cregan stark is having a moral crisis in the corner because he doesn’t really just WANT to be like “this is the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen” he wants to grieve and sit with that for longer for the sake of his children. and so he finds himself at odds. and not about to do anything about it at all!!! dornish princess is ruining his life and she doesn’t even know it!!

and then maybe one day a Lannister or someone else we can guarantee wolf-man would loathe says they intend to ask for your hand. and suddenly cregan realizes he might lose something he never even had - and he never loses. he makes a vow to himself to try, and seeks you out. maybe reader likes to hunt or walk or swim; either way, you’re in the godswood, on a blustery evening, and it’s you and a couple of personal guards. cregan stark rides into the godswood with his own guard, ice on his back, in a light grey tunic with a divet in the middle and riding pants. his boots are black leather, cut high and to his calf. they frame his thighs, which are are as wide as a barrel; the muscle in them ripples when his horse gallops. you are thinking nothing the faith or your septa would approve of. his clavicle peeks through the top of his shirt, the enormous sinewy muscle of his neck visible. you think, for a half second, that he would look ravishing in martell yellow.

you clear your throat. and try not to stare as he comes off his horse and his back muscles peek through the thin material of his shirt. even in this weather, which is not warm, he’s a little sweaty. you don’t realize what he knows - it’s not weather, it’s nerves. you’re exactly what he wants and what he is most terrified of. you’re widowed, too - you know his pain. you’re of high - incredibly so - rank, and you’re beautiful, intelligent, and while he’s unfamiliar with your culture, he wants to know everything he can about it and you. he wants you. he barely knows you and the idea of not getting to further feels like it’s eating him alive. his shirt sticks to his back some more. he turns to face you.

“lord stark-“ he cuts you off, accidentally, but confidently. “Princess, i had hoped to speak to you alone.” you jolt, surprised. had your sister repeated what you’d told her? was he here for council business? had you offended him somehow? you look at him, studying his eyes as best you can as the distance between you slowly closes and he walks forward, and you see, for the first time, an unsureity. he looks afraid. you dismiss your guards as he does.

“what is it you need, lord stark?” his Adam’s apple flexes as he swallows, his neck muscles twitching as his jaw tenses in worry. you’re almost worried - he looks pained. had something happened?

“I thought we might walk while we speak.” you take his arm, gently, trying to look him in the eye. his beard seems unkempt, unlike him. his hair needs to be shorn. he looks wild. you walk, and out of the silence, he says “my first wife, who i married at six and ten, proposed to me. my second wife did the same.” before you can respond, he continues, “as it stands, i have never arranged my own marriage - i… have wandered into them without set intention. it leaves me at a loss then, of knowledge of how to ask.” you swallow, expecting the worst - is he asking you how to propose to someone else? but you’re both too recently widowed, grieving, and then he takes a deep breath in, and says “Princess, i understand that you may not agree to it, and i respect that. i also understand that lannister intends to ask you the same.” you breathe in in shock at that - lannister? - and then go “agree to what, lord stark?” he takes an unconfident stride, turning his face quickly away and then back. you stop walking. you need to look him in the eye.

“i wondered, princess, if you would be willing to be my wife.”

a moment passes. you realize you’ve just been staring at him. he takes a breath in and goes “i have caused-“ you hold a hand up. “you have caused no offense, lord stark. i merely had no expectation of this.” you’re red in the face, but not in a bad way. it’s certainly not warm out right now, for what you’re used to. “i… i would. i would very much like to. i took pause because i did not expect you to ask.”

there’s a long pause before cregan stark asks if he can kiss you. you need him, in every way. your hands grip his shirt collar, his neck, his beard, and eventually, into his hair - one of his hands has encircled your waist, pulling you into him. you are not fragile, nor particularly petite, but you still disappear behind his figure with ease. his beard burns against your skin, but the friction does nothing to cool your fires - he bites at your lip, hard, wolfish, and you gasp, taking in air. he does it again a moment later, and you realize you will end up in this man’s bed, lest it kill you. it goes on for a while before either of you formally come up for air, and it’s only because a raindrop hits you in the forehead.

“i am glad of your offer,” you say, placing a hand on his chest, “and glad of you.” cregan stark, lips red, beard tangled from your hands, hair askew, looks at you like you know a secret. he doesn’t smile, not ever, that you’ve seen. you like to imagine he does for his children. you want to ask about them. (you’ve met his only son, an equally stormy and dour teenager, who you suspect your own son, a boy of ten, all chubby-cheeked and spritey, would find terrifying. cregan and his son, however, seem to share a kindness - an earnest one - and you are not blind to that. you wonder what else there is to cregan you can’t see.) a brevity graces his stern brows, and there is a warmth to his voice previously unheard to you when he says “and i of you, princess.” you smile then, lightly and truly.

[blitz0hno]

The reason the line "Happy or sad, why decide?" From Tear Drop sticks out to me is because it really does highlight Yuno's disdain for pity and projection

Sometimes people who think they are "empathetic" are just really stuck in projection without realizing, which is why ppl like "dArK EmPaThS" etc. use their fawning trauma as an excuse to be judgy assholes.

Like a sort of "If I was in that situation..." So like even if they Understand the Emotions they're still seeing it from THEIR pov, THEIR life experience and not the other person's.

And like. I keep thinking about how, if I want to live authentically, it's always gonna be blatantly obvious I have trauma.

But like. EVERYONE has some degree of trauma, it came free w your late stage capitalism and your parents being as dumb and scared as you are/neu i am talking like BIG picture here.

Like you can be bummed stuff happens to ppl and like bear it in mind if conflict gets difficult, but me and my system mates do NOT need pity, unsolicited advice, to be assumed attention seeking or untrustworthy etc.. I don't have bad intentions but plenty of people do so I have a survival mechanism for that. I play it close to the chest. So fucking what? Why does life have to get so complicated so fast, but we as people are expected to be simple? I can't even decide if I want to tell people what name I truly am In the moment. Sometimes I feel 35, at a time in my life when I'll be grateful if the earth is still here in my mid-twenties. I've done almost nothing and feel the weight of everything and I don't see a place for judgement in a world like that unless someone does something TRULY heinous. Preying on others, hoarding resources, abuse etc.. So who cares how I am living and getting by? Why do I have to be secretive about something that's not hurting anyone? "Good" or "bad," there are assumptions attached to my circumstances that I am not happy with at all.

This isn't like a vent or anything I just think that system or not, Yuno is in a similar predicament. She Knows she should not have to feel shame, but she does. It has been placed on her for years, so she rejects it entirely and seeks to empower herself. Living as she pleases and being a boss bitch yeah, but still having these delicate feelings that are just too complex for many people.

I feel like everyone feels that way about something

[summerfevers]

if you’re up to it i would very much like to know your white collar neal timeline🎤🎤

this turned out to have many asides and be very long so the tl;dr is: peter have you considered that he's just a twenty-something teenage girl :( ?

timeline:

neal born 1984 ish. he's an aries and a millennial

neal, ellen, and neal's mom go into witsec 1987, neal age 3

2003 adler scandal i fucking guess. neal age 19

neal arrested probably mid 2005, 21

neal goes to jail for the first time, i want to say early 2006, age almost 22

pilot is set late summer 2009, age 25

same-sex marriage legalized in new york june 24th 2011, they talk about this in season 3 episode 14 which is soon after. neal's 27

more or less a year later–let's go with less–neal tells sam that he has spent the last decade running from the truth he learned at 18. taking him literally that it was 10 years ago he is now 28 it is the end of season 4 and 2012

the end of season 4 to the series finale is less than a year. he is 29 its 2013.

when we see him in paris he might be 30 but that doesn't count To Me

i present my evidence:

i don't know where we got "neal is 35" from i cant make it work. neal and co. went into witsec (which i have actually since learned is not available to people living in dc, they have their own version but it is not overseen by the federal marshalls, i don't think they can give you as many legal documents like a ssn, and they don't help you set up your new life as much? something about neal's life that would be interesting to explore.) when he was three and ellen says in season 4 that she's been in witsec for Nearly three decades. confirmed 33 or under in season 4

he also says to "sam" more than once that he's spent the last decade running from the truth he learned at 18–he very well could be rounding down here and mean like 12-13 years but i am Choosing to Believe he meant that literally. we are now at youngest 28, it is the last episode of season 4.

now due to the way the show is structured and the fact that it is never really winter. ok maybe winter 1 time because i can see in my mind neal in his little wool coat and earmuffs but largely it is summer and we never have a christmas episode. anyway due to All That our only real anchor in the timeline is that the episode where diana is Grappling with her engagement to Christie happens immediately following june 24th 2011, when same-sex marriage was legalized in new york. and also that later that season in the commutation hearing they say that neal has served 2 years of his sentence. so the pilot was set in 2009 when it aired we are at one year/season. but as the series goes on the episodes and even seasons have increasingly shorter gaps between them, and by season 6 we haven't even finished our four years. by the end of season 4 i want to say we are three years into his sentence and he's 28. between the end of season 4 and when neal dies in season 6 there has got to be less than a year that passes. actually deadass why was neal so obsessed with the pink panther case ending his sentence early we are like months out king. i get the injustice the system is broken they'd keep him forever but to people outside his circle he must have looked sooo silly for that. but whatever. he is 29 when he dies and 30 when we see him again in paris, his roaring 20s of crime and incarceration over.

Anyway where the "neal is 35 or at least claims to be much older than this timeline would say he is" probably came from in-universe is that the adler scandal takes place SEVEN years before s2 when peter confronts neal about it. 2003?????? guys the thing we have to understand, to embrace, about neal's personal timeline is that i do not think anyone in that writers room was really grasping how much they had neal do in so short a time. 2003 he is like 19 guys. maybe by the time peter says it was 7 years ago it was 2011 ? and the adler thing was 2004? but no that couldn't work because it's mid 2011 like a year later in s3. so basically neal walks out of st louis and has a magical girl transformation through which he immediately becomes a great conman and criminal. and he meets mozzie basically straight away. he should still be in like calculus and ap lit at this juncture. and then they go right into the adler con ??? and neal is obviously lying through his teeth to everyone saying he is at least 21 but probably more along the lines of 23. and while most of his aliases are eventually found out by peter if no one else, no one ever goes "wait IS HE a teenager?" no one is guessing this.

so we spend a couple months fucking around and fucking UP with adler, kate probably doesn't know how old we actually are, this relationship cannot actually last very long at all because we are truly on a time crunch right now. we have less than three years for neals entire criminal career before he goes to jail. i know i said on the bullet list he went to jail early 2006 he has got to have been arrested like summer 2005 at the latest to be tried and sentenced by then and i feel like even that might be tight because he was suspected of so many other things they wanted to get evidence for. but how is neal teaching kate to be a criminal less than a year into his own career. i think neal must have been a hardcore improv kid for this to work honestly. i bet he competed. so our golden days of mozzie neal and kate against the world lasts maybe a year at best before neal and kate fight and she leaves and he spends months trying to get her back and get her attention and commits a truly breathtaking amount of crimes in this time.

also i'm skipping through forging bonds right now trying to flesh out this timeline and it was incredibly shady of peter and co to see that kate is doing so much to stay hidden from her ex boyfriend and then to reveal her to neal in order to catch him. like that was fucked up they didn't know neal yet he hadn't been suspected of violent crimes but they didn't know why kate was working so hard to escape him. like it worked out ok (arguably, but that could be a different post) but they had no reason to trust neal not to hurt her like this. she could have been running from an abusive situation he's known to be a talented criminal with no fears about escalating his crimes he could have killed her. one thing about the fbi is that they never once care about kate's safety and it does indeed get her killed one day.

in conclusion neal is known as one of the best forgers in the world when he is arrested in 2005 at age 21 maybe 2 years into his criminal career. here i am 21 what have i accomplished

[coraex]

Alright, I'm gonna say this right now and hope I won't have to repeat myself :

SHIPPING A MINOR AND A GROWN ADULT ISN'T OKAY !!! It's weird, disgusting and I don't get how people think it's okay... Also shipping two adults when one of them basically raised the other isn't okay either (by that I mean a grown adult dating a young adult they basically raised). Here's a list of ships that I find extremely disturbing (and why) (I actually blocked the hashtags of those to avoid seeing disturbing fanfics and fanarts)

WARNINGS : mentions of predators and grooming at the end of this post

- Obikin (Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars) : this one actually DISGUSTS me on so many levels !

1) Obi-Wan knew Anakin since he was 10 and basically raised him.

2) Anakin said it himself in AOTC that Obi-Wan is the closest thing he has as to father. Pretty weird to ship them romantically if Anakin sees Obi-Wan as a father figure.

3) They're 15 years apart (when Anakin was 19/20 in AOTC, Obi-Wan was 34/35 --> yes, they're both adults at this age but Anakin is still extremely young. A 20 year old shouldn't date someone almost twice their age (the brain isn't fully developed until your mid to late 20s) so we can still be manipulated easily)).

4) Obi-Wan is Anakin's master meaning there's an imbalance of power. Obi-Wan literally has the upper hand on Anakin in terms of power (it's like shipping a teacher and their student).

All in all, shipping Anakin and Obi-Wan is extremely weird and not okay ! --> and the amount of fanarts I came across is, disturbing, to say the least.

- QuiObi (Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars) : This one is pretty similar to what I was saying about Obikin.

1) Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan since he was a child. And padawans are usually assigned to a master at a young age so we can see it as Qui-Gon raising Obi-Wan.

2) Yes, Obi-Wan may be 25 years old in TPM but Qui-Gon is nearly twice his age (he was 48 years old in TPM) which is extremely weird for me.

3) Just like with Anakin and Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon was Obi-Wan's master. Again, imbalance of power and being in a relationship with someone who's more powerful than you (in terms of ranks : just like a teacher and a student) isn't okay. The other person will find a way to manipulate you to get what they want.

Just like Anakin and Obi-Wan, I don't ship Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

- Anisoka (Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars : The Clone Wars) : Another master x padawan relationship... What is it with SOME fans and shipping a Jedi Master with their padawan ?!

1) Anakin and Ahsoka first met when she was FOURTEEN and he was TWENTY ! Just think for a second here : if you are 20 years old, would you be romantically interested in a 14 year old ? I'm 23 and I have NEVER been romantically interested in someone younger than me (I can't even see myself dating someone three years younger than me, let alone someone who's fourteen).

2) This is the third time I'm saying this but, again, imbalance of power ! And in two different ways : first off, Anakin is Ahsoka's master so his rank is higher than hers, second, with Ahsoka being 14 and Anakin being 20, he also holds some sort of power over her as she's still a teenager and he's a young adult.

3) Ashley Eckstein (who voiced Ahsoka) and Matt Lanter (who voiced Anakin) said it themselves that there's NOTHING ROMANTIC between Ahsoka and Anakin !

4) This one may be my personal opinion but Anakin and Ahsoka definitely had a brother/sister type of relationship.

This is probably the ship that disturbs me the most right after Obi-Wan and Anakin, and right before the one I'm gonna talk about next (also lucky me (sarcastic) came across disturbing fanfics and fanarts)

- Rexsoka (Captain Rex & Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars) : This is probably one of the Ahsoka ships that I've seen the most and I still can't see why people ship them romantically (just like the others)

1) Ahsoka was 14 when they met and Rex was 20 (technically he was 10 but that's not the issue here). So just like with Anakin : there's an imbalance of power in terms of age, and while Ahsoka's rank is above Rex's (she is Commander while he's Captain), that doesn't change anything.

2) Rex, while being older than Ahsoka, always respected her. He always called her 'Commander' even when she wasn't anymore and when he didn't, he nicknamed her 'kid'. Because she's younger than him and was literally a kid when they met.

3) In season 7 (episode 11 if my memory's correct), Ahsoka called Rex her friend ("The Republic couldn't have asked for better soldiers, nor I a better friend"). And I'm sure Rex also saw Ahsoka as his friend.

4) It's obvious that there's no ROMANTIC attraction between them (just like with the other previous ships listed). Also, since Ahsoka was 14 when they met, Rex probably saw her as a little sister (but that's just my opinion)

So... Again, a ship I find extremely disturbing (and lucky me (sarcastic) came across disturbing fanfics and fanarts)

Now, that would be EXTREMELY hypocritical of me to not mention Anidala and HanLeia. i can't say that I 100% support Anidala (Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala from Star Wars) and HanLeia (Han Solo and Leia Organa from Star Wars). While I love both couples, I still find the age gaps quite disturbing.

Anidala : They're just 4 years apart BUT considering he was just 10 when they met (despite not seeing each other between TPM & AOTC so 10 years), it still a bit odd for me that she's shown interest in him (although, I admit it, Anakin couldn't stop flirting with her)

HanLeia : They're probably THE Star Wars ship that everyone knows (even outside of the fandom because of the famous "I love you. I know" line that is referenced in SO MANY movies/tv shows). Now, I also love them (and have been since I was like 6 years old) BUT the 10 year age gap has always been weird for me since she's barely an adult and he's a grown man when they met (she was 19 and he was 29). So, yes I love them BUT the 10 year gap is still weird to me --> again, at 23 years, I don't see myself dating someone who's 10 years older than me.

Do I love both ? Yes.

Do I still find the age gaps disturbing ? Yes.

Do I 100% ship them ? No because of the age gaps.

Now, I'm gonna go with a ship that's NOT from Star Wars but from Winx Club, and I recently found out about it (because I recently started to rewatch it (seasons 1 to 4 only).

- Valtor and Bloom (from Winx Club) : if you don't know what they look like (Winx isn't as famous as Star Wars so not everyone grew up with it), here's what they look like.

(this gif is literally from their first encounter at the beginning of season 3 (episode 5 I think)

Here are the reasons why it's not okay to ship them and is a disturbing ship :

1) Bloom is only a minor while Valtor is a grown man when they first met (she was only 17 (and not 18 as people claim it as she graduated only between season 3 and 4 so in season 3, she's 17) and he looks like he's in his late 20s but actually was over 1000 years old).

2) Valtor manipulated and tortured Bloom in so many ways ! He kept telling her that he knew what happened to her biological parents when he didn't. He lied to her about it, and multiple times (said that he killed them at first, then said that her parents were inside his body so that she wouldn't kill him). He tried to trick her into forming an alliance with him to fight the Ancestral Witches who created him from the Dragon's Flame (connecting him to Bloom as her powers are related to the Dragon's flame). He also tried to kill her more than once, manipulated her, tortured her, knowing she desperately wanted to know what happened to her biological parents.

3) His obsession with her was extremely disturbing and creepy.

4) Last but not least : he was Bloom's worst enemy.

There are many other disturbing ships within so many fandoms, but these are the ones I keep seeing the most and please reblog this as it's very important to talk about it. And please, tell me if there are any ships from other fandoms that also disturb you.

Another note : Remember that predators/groomers know how to lure their victims into a sick, violent, toxic and twisted 'relationship' by saying "you're mature for your age". There's no such thing as being "mature for your age". It's something predators will use to flatter their victim's ego and manipulate them.

If you still ship them after reading all this, you do you and you can disagree with me if you want (I can't tell you what to do).

[scarlet--wiccan]

How old is Wanda meant to be currently? (I say meant bc a lot of the time characters don’t have confirmed ages so you kinda just assume based on what they are doing, how they are drawn & what team they are on.)

I assume she’s around 26-31 but I may be wrong.

You're actually spot-on. According to HoXPoX, the Krakoan Age began ten years after the original X-Men were formed, which means that all those characters, who were teenagers in the 60s, are in their mid-late twenties now. That presumably includes Wanda and Pietro, who are supposed to be about the same age as Scott and Jean.

Now, that is, admittedly, a very condensed timeline, even for Marvel, and I think a lot people were startled when it came out. It definitely feels like it makes those characters a little too young, just based on how they look, how they act, and how much stuff they've lived (and died) through. If I had to guess, I think most people write and draw these characters as if they are squarely in their thirties, regardless of what the official timeline states, but it does vary.

If you want my opinion, I think that Wanda and Pietro ought to be at least 35. Pietro's daughter, Luna, is currently a young teenager, so, if Pietro was in his early twenties when she was born, he'd have to be in his mid-thirties now. Luna is on of the few child characters that has been allowed to age "naturally," so we should, in theory, be able to use her as a reliable benchmark. Even still, I don't expect Pietro to get older just because his daughter is growing up-- character ages in comics will never make sense.

[papermonkeyism]

if this is too personal, skip it, but; from where do you get the inspiration for your body mods, and the dedication to commit to them? :0

( i ask as a veeeeerrry fickle person who can't keep anything about herself consistent for over a year. i've had to have my ears pierced thrice because i keep losing interest in earrings! )

I don't know. There just are some body mods I've wanted as long as I can remember, and now being in my mid 30s, knowing I still want them, I figure it's safe enough to get them.

I've wanted a septum ring for, like, two decades or something. It's an aesthetic I've always liked, although my parents didn't let me when I still lived at home. (and once I moved out I kept chickening out. My parents' opinion on body mods nowdays is "it's your body, we don't own you") Whenever I made WoW characters where septum piercings were an option, I always took it. Etc. I also have several friends with septum rings too, who helpfully let me know what it would be like to have one. Took me making a pact with one of my body mod enthusiast friends to finally drag me to get it done, twenty years later, haha!

Tattoos same thing, though less specific. Always wanted tattoos, just took me a lot longer to decide on what or where. When I first asked my mom about getting a tattoo as a teenager, she warned me about its permanence, and said if I wanted a picture, I should tape it somewhere I could see it at all times, and if I still felt I needed that picture one year later without getting tired of it, I could get the tattoo. I never found a design I'd like long enough. It was great way to turn me away from logos and other franchise memorabilia too. Dodged that bullet!

The first tattoo I got was after my first ever cat died, and I wanted a memory of her. I also wanted the tattoo to have some me in it as well, so I designed an ink splatter (for art has always been part of me) with cat paw prints over it, one in ink, the other an absense of color. I was 29 when I took it, I knew I could never hate the best cat to ever exist in my life.

The second tattoo I took was on my chest. I was 32, had loved dinosaurs since way before even elementary school, and if I still hadn't fallen out of love for dinosaurs in all this time, I think it's a relatively safe bet. Though I did exaggerate its design, with things like a flowing tail mane in absurd proportions, so that if/when science marches on, it can be a magic fantasy unicorn version of a dinosaur instead of a scientifically accurate one, to keep it safe. I also wanted flowers around it, and to make it mean something, I asked my mom to pick her favourite flowers, and gave the list to the tattoo artist to design. (my prompt was literally "horse girl's dream tattoo: late Cretaceous edition")

The third tattoo I took, last week, I was 35. Cats have been very important to me since I was a kid, so it's for the cats I've had in my life. It's also for my love for cats in general, it's for the cat(s) I hope to have in the future, and it's also a personal pagan thing, as a flavour. I drew the cat design a full year and half ago, and I still like it, so it passed my mom's tattoo test from decades ago. Also, since I already have my mom represented by plants of her choosing over my heart, I wanted to have something from my dad on my drawing hand, which is where the lingonberry comes from.

I love nature, always had, and my heart belongs to the forests outdoors. The plant patterns give me life. Now I get to carry them on me as well. They don't have to be perfect, as neither am I, but I am extremely picky about the tattoo artists I choose to do my inks, and both times I've been satisfied.

I have no desire for further piercings. While I do like the aesthetics of ear piercings, they aren't something I wish for my own flesh vessel. (I have, since I was a teen, sometimes toyed with the idea of having my ears made pointy, but at this point in life, I don't really want to go through the healing process. As tempting as the uncanny valley effect is, just don't think I will.)

I have plans mapped out for further tattoos, but no worthy subjects yet. The bracelet on my right wrist will someday extent over the back of the hand. My left shoulder will some day have ink (might ask fir my brother's fave plants), but I'm not yet at a point where I want to disturb the chest tattoo's lily-of-the-valleys. I want a half sleeve covering my left forearm (that's gonna cost a fortune, though). Possibly an ankle bracelet on my left leg. I'll need to find designs I can tolerate having as markings first, though.

I don't know. I have moles that are part of me, few scars, and vitiligo. I like those just fine, and I didn't get to choose them. All scars are stories after all. The ink markings are mine because I chose them, and I have reasons for all of them. They are memories, they are feelings. In a way they are love too. AND they look dang awesome, I still haven't stopped staring at the lingonberry leaves, the artist did such a great job!!

[eclipsecrowned]

age of my killers + age of my survivors (including muses w aus)

jonathan / the scarecrow: 40s. he's always a crusty older gentleman doing unethical science. now he gets to rejoice in serving fear itself, reveling in the groundhog day loop that leaves him with an endless supply of test subjects and the free reign to do with them whatever his black heart desires.

evi / the bride: late 30s - early 40s. her dbd lore is just a real world history take on her canonical fate in the sci-fi series she hails from. having been middle aged by earth standard, and leaving behind two sons (one in his teens, one just shy of 10) i think 30-40 works out reasonably for her age at death. she's a post-mortem killer who is remarkably well preserved, however, so who knows what she actually looks like in her wreath of flames.

danae: 35. she has an actual canon compliant timeline to work off of. she was born in august 1971, and was taken into the fog after her father's death in august 2006. additionally, at least in lore involving axem, the danae of the fog is unaware of several plot points from later that year, so she's not from post-2006, either.

anna / the h*ntress: thirty-ish. my general timeline is that she lost her mother around the age of 7-9 to account for her ability to survive when weighed against how quickly she lost more human perceptions. her skill progression would have been gradual and involved trial and error, at least where human prey was concerned. from this, i think it took her probably a decade even being an experienced hunter to get to the point she was annihilating families and soldiers alike, but her youth when isolated is key to her atrophied understanding of consequences where her actions involve others. indisputably grown.

lea (hel) / the raven: mid-late twenties. like anna, we have a vague timeline of events, but lea's is far more forthright. she lost her home when she was 8, and was brought up in her uncle's home for ten years after. if her hometown was isolated for more or less a decade solid to account for the breadth of his experiments and research, we're looking at a ~28 year old lea, but frankly the wobbliness of her own time as an enforcer means that the time she spent at her post means this could be off in either direction. her fc was 25 in the main resources i use for her, but she could be up to her early thirties if the cult truly dragged their feet.

mary / the rose: mid twenties. we know her people were destroyed in her early adolescence, and that she spent years traveling the baronies with her brother trying to make ends meet. we know she was coerced into the service of the red before she was twenty. she's spent a few years becoming infamous in her own world, before she was sent up to the entity as an offering at the end of her apprenticeship in the arcane arts. much like her pa, however, i feel her broken heart and struggles she has known make her come across aged before her time.

chris: 25. once again, we have a canon timeline to extrapolate off of. he was born sometime in 1973, and the mansion incident/antarctic outbreak went down during a months long span between july and december 1998. given he's dropped into the fog still in his st*rs drip, i'm inclined to believe he was snatched sometime post-mansion but per-antacrtic outbreak, possibly during his investigations in europe. however, i am willing to play him as being dropped in at any point in his canon timeline with plotting.

ada: 24-25. like chris, her wardrobe points towards a 1998 snatchpoint. while she has no canonical timeline given her mystery as a character, i generally assume her to be roughly on par with other main characters -- older than le0n, but equivalent to chris and jill. she's still spry and cut-throat, ruthless in a way her later characterization has begun to use sparingly. her barring the door then dropping a pallet on the mastermind gives me very 'rc ada' vibes. the audacity. she is truly that bitch.

sheva: 23. canon dates come through for me again. she's clearly from in or around the events of 5, and with a 1986 birthday, this puts her at ~23 in 2009. fun fact: of my evil residents muses in the fog, this makes her the character from furthest along in the timeline. in fact, the deschains coming from a bad future notwithstanding, she's the most modern character on this entire list.

okiyo (stray) / the empress: 23. her backstory is just a real world historical equivalent of the events in the xv tie-in film. it's just a bad end for she and okami (nyx) involving magic calling down the entity rather than the old wall. by this logic, she would be 23 during the reaving of her father's lands, and been perfectly preserved as such given the doll-like aesthetics of her horror.

steven: no older than 21. he was in the single digits when gilead burned. steven was 14 when his sister left. he is explicitly five years mary's junior. all characters are explicitly 18 or above, and given he ships with a h*wkins teen and no one bats an eyelash, i feel comfortable guesstimating him around 19-21.

max: early 20s. old enough to have been slaughtering pigs so long he's absolutely shredded, young enough to break the fog speed limit on foot. old enough that he was justified in what he did to free himself, young enough that the experiences didn't completely break him. it's always a tragedy, but him being comparatively young just makes it all that much worse.

charlotte and victor / the twins: 18-19. all characters are at least 18 due to laws regarding violence in media in certain markets. this tracks with the twins losing their mother at 5 and being imprisoned for a least a decade. thirteen years in captivity is totally doable with their lore. however, where victor died at 18 by this interpretation, i do not suspend my disbelief to charlotte surviving for very long with his remains affixed to her, given several of their systems would be connected by definition. if she even made it a year after the loss of victor, i would be shocked.

[cogentranting]

Stargirl Characters Ranked by How Much They Look like Teenagers

Jakeem: 

Did you know this boy is going to be 20 soon? He looks 14. at the oldest. 

Mike: 

The actor is 17 and looks around that old. Can believably pass for a few years younger to play a freshman. Has the voice of a 35-year-old.

Joey:

With the hat, I’d believe he’s sixteen. Without it he’s twenty five. Actual age? At the time of filming season 1 he was 16.

Beth:

She looks younger than a lot of my students. I’d believe this was a 16 year old. It’s completely in the costuming though because she definitely looks like she’s in her twenties in pictures of the actress. (Actual age 24)

Yolanda: 

She cold totally be a high school upper classman. (Actual age 30). 

Artemis: 

Looks about the same age as Yolanda. (Actual age 19)

Courtney:

If I were rating just from season 1 or 2 she’d probably be before Yolanda. But she looks older in season 3 for whatever reason. Still not a stretch to believe she’s in high school. (Actual age 23 and pretty much looks like it)

Jennie:

Granted, Jennie is (I think) the oldest character on this list by at least a year. But she definitely gives me the sense of being a mid-twenties college graduate doing volunteer work. (Actual age 22)

  Rick:

This a man in his late twenties. Sometimes they manage to make him look younger but they really only get him down to like 20. BUT. I’ll grant that some abnormally old looking high school upper classmen do look about like this. It does happen. (actual age 23)

Cameron:

Also late twenties but ranks lower than Rick because his voice sounds older and his hair reminds me of Danny Zuko in Grease. He’s helped a little by being kind of short, but he loses all that ground by the way they dress him. (actual age 28)

Cindy:

She’s thirty. And I thought at first it was mainly because of her wardrobe that she looks older because in general that’s a trend, but no. This cheerleading uniform just calls attention to how much she does not look like a teenager. (actual age 26)

Henry Jr.:

If you told me this man was forty I’d believe you. (actual age 25)

[gaygoetia]

Bell's Hells: how age gaps inform their group dynamic

I've been thinking a lot about why I love this group and their dynamics so much and one of the interesting things about Bell's Hells compared to VM or M9 is that it has the widest age range across all of the PC's.

Previous Campaigns

As far as I'm aware, Vox Machina were all in their 20's throughout Campaign 1, apart from Scanlan whose age was never explicitly stated but who was likely still fairly young in gnomish terms.

EDIT: I've been informed that Pike was actually in her 30's/40's and Scanlan was 69 at the start of the campaign. Still young given gnomes live for centuries though.

During Campaign 2 everyone in the Mighty Nein was in their 20's or 30's apart from Caduceus who was about a century old (but once again, still young by Firbolg standards)

So how old are the Hells?

It's still early in the campaign and some of the Bell's Hells ages are as-of-yet unconfirmed but here's what we know so far:

FCG is an aeormaton, meaning their physical form must be at least 850 years old, though his memories only go back a few years (to when they were fixed up and reprogrammed by Dancer) making him simultaneously the oldest and the youngest of the group.

Chetney is visibly elderly even by gnomish standards, meaning he is likely at least a couple of centuries old.

Fearne is at least a century old herself though she is youthful in appearance due to her fae heritage.

Laudna is 53 but hasn't visibly aged since she died and was resurrected at 20 years old.

Orym's age isn't stated but we can make an educated guess that he's in his 30's. We know Orym's late husband Will was in his mid-to-late twenties when he died 6 years prior to the start of campaign 3, meaning if he was still alive he'd be 31-35. Given that he and Orym grew up together they were most likely close in age.

Ashton is a bit of a mystery as I don't recall any reference to his age so far. From their behaviour and what we know about his backstory I'd personally put them in their late 20's but he could well be younger or older.

Imogen's age isn't explicitly stated either but she is described as a "young woman" and is said to be the same age that Laudna looks (having not aged since she was 20). This means Imogen is likely in her early twenties, potentially making Laura's character the youngest in the group two campaigns in a row.

Although they're no longer in the group, we know Bertrand was in his late 80's or early 90's at the start of Campaign 3 and Dorian was 27.

The Group Dynamic

In my opinion, the bigger age range changes the dynamic to feel a bit more like a dysfunctional family or close work colleagues than previous campaigns. While the found family element was obviously there in both previous campaigns as well, the overall vibe was of a group of friends.

The age differences in C3 give the individual relationships in the group a bit of a different flavour which is a lot of fun.

Chetney and Fearne have that attitude of "I'm old I can do what I want" while Orym and Imogen try to be responsible and reign them in and Ashton watches in amusement as the chaos unfolds. Laudna is your classic "out of touch middle aged aunt trying to prove they're down with the kids" while FCG is like a friendly uncle who offers advice and worldly wisdom but also takes a genuine interest in "what the kids are into nowadays".

Individual Relationships

I won't discuss every combination of relationship in the party cos this post would be a million words long but here are a few where age is a key part of the dynamic.

Chetney and Orym. In my opinion, since their heart-to-heart where Orym opened up about his late husband, they've had a really sweet familial dynamic. Their bonding over woodworking has big "apprentice and his teacher" energy and Chetney has a fatherly vibe with Orym that doesn't seem to extend to any of the others.

Imogen and Laudna. While I definitely don't see their relationship as familial (I actually think they have romantic feelings for each other) age does factor into their friendship in an interesting way. Laudna is very protective over Imogen and likely wants to keep her away from the kind of pain and trauma she herself went through at that age.

Ashton and FCG. I'm sure people will disagree with me here and that's fair but imo there's kind of an older sibling-younger-sibling energy going on with these two. FCG is technically older but their memories only go back a few years and they're very naive in lots of ways. Ashton is highly protective over him and often teaching him new things (the vibe reminds me a little of the Elric brothers in Fullmetal Alchemist).

Romantic Implications

Age gaps inevitably inform dynamics in romantic relationships as well and this is particularly interesting to think about in fantasy settings where some "races" live significantly longer than others.

So far, in terms of inner-party romance:

Chetney has shown clear interest in Fearne since the beginning. Relatively speaking, they're pretty close in age even though she appears much younger. In terms of lifespan, he's close to the end of his life whereas Fearne likely has many years ahead of her. However I don't see this being an issue if they do get together. Fearne seems like the kind of person to enjoy the time they have together in the present and move on quickly after it's ended.

Fearne has returned Chetney's flirtations and has also joked that she'll probably "make [her] rounds" through the whole group (personally I hope she does, that would be brilliant drama lmao). She's implied to be polyamorous and unconcerned about the age, gender or race of potential partners so she could really end up with anyone. However I think her open, casual attitude towards sex is likely to be more of an issue in any relationship than her age would be.

Laudna likely hasn't had any sexual or romantic relationships since her death over 30 years ago (if ever?) and she says that she hasn't "accessed that part of [her] brain" since then. The interesting thing about this is that any romantic relationship she has will be likely be her first ever and a chance to experience things she missed out on while alive. Also because she's the only middle aged member of the group, any inter-party romance would involve an age gap, creating a different dynamic depending on whether her partner is older or younger.

Orym doesn't seem quite ready for a new romantic relationship yet (although in my opinion it's hinted that he does have feelings for Dorian). Given he's already a widower, I suspect he would be the most concerned about gaps in lifespan due to the fear of outliving another partner. This could definitely come up if he becomes romantically involved with another party member (most likely Dorian or Ashton who are both Genasi and therefore have shorter typical lifespans than him)

Ashton and Imogen are both young so any partners are likely to be the same age or older. I don't see either of them caring about age or lifespan gaps at all but they may have a partner who feels differently. Their lack of romantic/sexual experience may be a source of insecurity if either of them get romantically involved with Fearne (who's implied to be very sexually experienced) or Orym (who was married for many years).

FCG is a robot and most likely aro-ace so I don't personally see him having any kind of sexual or romantic relationship but if he does, then age gaps are less likely to be an issue than his ageless inorganic body and mysterious past.

Conclusion

There isn't one really. I just love these weirdos. I love stories about middle aged and older people and it's so nice to see a D&D party of mixed ages who love each other so much in all kinds of ways.

[buckleysbegins]

9-1-1 Main Character Ages and Birth Years

Bobby: ~54 (born ~1966) His dating profile says that he’s 52 in 1x10 (2018). Shoutout to romancing the uniform dot com for also making this one easy for me and showing Bobby’s age (and that he likes flan).

Athena: ~53-54 (born ~1966-1967) Athena would’ve been at least ~22 in 1989, as she (presumably) would’ve had to have completed a four year degree at college before starting law school. She could’ve been a few years older than 22 when she started law school (also possibly 21 or younger, but that’s less likely), but it’s lightly implied that she went to law school immediately after college (she’s still framed as being young, and there’s no mention of her having worked for a significant stretch of time between college and law school) I’m assuming she was ~22/23 in 1989.

Chimney: ~40-45 (born ~1979-1984) There’s actually very little information on how old Chim is, despite him being the only character to have his birthday celebrated on screen, so this is more of a guesstimate than anything, and this is primarily based on assumptions made off of ‘Chimney Begins.’ My guess is that Chim was ~25-30 in ‘Chimney Begins,’ which was set starting in 2005. It’s clear that he was into adulthood at the start of the episode, as he definitely had sort of a sense of feeling like he should be settled into a life path already (plus he’s had at least a few years of pitching ideas to banks for loan support), which makes me assume that he’s in his late twenties. They also used Kenny Choi instead of casting a ‘Young Chimney’ actor, and while the gap between Kenny Choi’s age and young twenties isn’t as big as the gap between Angela Bassett’s age and young twenties, which indicates that Chim was older in ‘Chimney Begins’ than Athena was in ‘Athena Begins.’ Going more based on the actors ages, mid 40s does feel accurate. Kenny Choi is 49 so Chim could be up towards that, but I think that Chim is at least a few years younger than (for no real reason other than the previous age framing, and that some of the other actors are 5ish years older than their characters). But like if you have a better idea of his age please let me know. I need help.

Hen: ~40 (born ~1980) Hen says that she’s 40 in 4x03 (2020). Shoutout to Sydney for annoying Hen into telling her her age and making this one easy for me.

Maddie: ~36-38 (born ~1982-1984) Margaret Buckley mentions her being over high-risk pregnancy 35 in 4x04. It’s unclear if Maddie’s older or younger than Daniel, but I’m assuming she was born close-ish to when Daniel was born (which would’ve been ~1983-1984, based on Daniel’s age at death and Buck’s defined age and other dates from Buck Begins). If she were the middle child she couldn’t have been much younger than Daniel (really 1 year younger max) as that would’ve made her under 35. Her also being a bit older makes more sense because it’s suggested that she remembers Daniel pre-diagnosis

Eddie: ~31-34 (born ~1986-1989) There’s not much to go on for Eddie. I wanna guess he was 22-25 when Christopher was born in 2011. It’s set up to be that he was still in early adulthood when Christopher was born, but also not super young (as in Eddie and Shannon had a kid when they were young, but not teen parents young). Ryan Guzman is 33, so Eddie being in that ballpark makes sense.

Buck: ~28 (born ~1991/1992) Says that he’s 26 1x09 (2018). Shoutout to Buck for just straight up telling Bobby his age, and for keeping this tidbit of information safe for work unlike a good chunk of what he shared.

[alrightsnaps]

I'm seeing a lot of people pointing out how Hannah is older than Ruby but I don't really think it means anything? There are theories about a significant time jump, maybe even Francesca being married to John by the time S3 starts and that's all unlikely to happen.

If there's a time jump they would also need to recast Gregory and Hyacinth which they have not. There is also Kathony, idk what they're gonna do with them in S3 but if a few years have passed they would need to show their kids, same with Daphne, and that just sounds like a hassle for the production.

You brought up styling which is a very good point. Look at Caudia and Nicola, both in their 30s playing 17 year olds but on the show they look younger then Simone and Phoebe who are younger then them irl. I've seen people say that they had to recast Ruby because she looks too young when they easily could have styled her to look older for S3. Not to method if Ruby had stayed on by the time they would have gotten to her season she would have been basically the same age as Phoebe and Simone were filming their seasons.

I agree, I don't think there will be a significant time jump for season 3. My guess would be following the same pattern as with s02 and kicking off with the presentation to the Queen for the following Season in London and then maybe shaking things up timeline wise for s04.

I don't think the recast carries any connotations about Francesca's character at all. Ruby was no Florence and Will, had she been available she'd have been in her mid twenties by the time her own season came around. And Hannah's age doesn't mean anything either, they probably had a vague age range in mind for Francesca (ie 20-30/35) and she happened to be the best choice among the candidates.

Both Claudia and Nicola have been playing teenagers with appropriate styling for two seasons now. And they're not the exception either, teenagers are often played by actors in their late twenties!

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[illuminatvm]

INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Hello! I’m V, she/her, 25, EST, aquarius sun with an aries moon and rising. dumb as hell, illiterate as fuck. hobbies include buying books and never reading them, crying over the fact that i can't travel right now, and being consistently inconsistent with a hyperfixation.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS A WRITING PARTNER

oooh! okay, so i like to think i’m pretty laid back but that’s when i’ve gotten through all the nitty gritty of plotting. I love figuring out details and timelines, trading headcanons back and forth and really digging deep into a character and pushing their morals and beliefs and connections to others. I’m also a hoe for the aesthetique and love sending off musing inspo or instagram posts and quizzes between heart-wrenching angst. My writing style tends to veer towards the introspective prose at its best and at its most direct will focus on actions instead— which makes sense when my favourite threads to write are either emotionally harrowing or big fight scenes.

WHO ARE YOUR CHARACTERS?

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡

Faded mauve and golden gray // a soft voice in a nearly-gone memory // perfectly made earl gray tea // long-gone chateaus and gilded walls // heavy silk and creamy marble // eyes so blue you’ll drown // the safest you’ve felt in years // curated clutter // chiffon cake and pearls // peony-fragile wings // breathless laughter // subtle power // smiles are merely animals baring their teeth

Species: guardian angel

Age: Appears to be in her early/mid-thirties, dates back to the 1400’s

Occupation: real estate developer. 1% for the planet board member. LVMH shareholder

Spoken languages: The better question is, what language does she not know?

Current place of residence: a penthouse suite in downtown seattle

Time in Seattle: 10 years

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐀𝐲ş𝐞𝐠ü𝐥 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐥

welcome to the club // deep crimson and glittering gold // the overwhelming ache of melancholia // neon lights and leather jackets // a life in the shadows // golden rings twisting with worry // sharp eyeliner or none at all // longing to belong // lithe hands of creation // more blankets than you need // starlight is the best light // half-truths and sharp knives // laughter that shakes your being // not dead yet barely alive

Species: shadow-graced

Age: 28. became shadow-graced at 24.

Occupation: jeweler. small-business owner

Spoken languages: English, Turkish, Italian  

Current place of residence: apartment in capitol hill

Time in Seattle: four years

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐥𝐢

half-finished lattes // black t-shirts // empty mirrors // cracked book bindings // piles of coffee beans // hair pomade // lingering hugs // tired eyes // chocolate fondue // cloud couches // a labyrinth in human-form // a smoke filled chest // mulberry and cedar // old leather // messy hair // a watch glinting in the light // wolfish grins // early mornings and late nights // commanding attention

Species: vampire

Age: appears to be in mid-thirties. At the age of 35. Born in 1820.

Occupation: owner of Regime du Matin, independent bookstore + cafe

Spoken languages: English, Italian, French, German, Russian  

Current place of residence: top floor of Regime du Matin

Time in Seattle: two years

PLOT IDEAS / WANTED CONNECTIONS

Annora’s plot/wanted dynamics page

Feray’s plot/wanted dynamics page (coming tonight, i’m just being finicky)

Carmine’s plot/wanted dynamics page

PRESENT HEADCANONS

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚

To have lived for so long is both a blessing and curse. She remembers when palaces were built and bitterly recalls wars, can never hide the regret upon her features when she thinks of the fall of kingdoms and losses of beauty and majesty and brilliant minds. Devotion, steadfastness has matured, has evolved in the modern world and so too has Annora. Nowadays, you might see her working not merely to protect the people, but the place they inhabit. Technology and the divine have never been meant to mingle, but within her limits she involves herself with innovation— for the good of humanity. Of course, she is careful to remain in certain obscurity. Annora Leigh to mortals is a name forgettable and a face hardly seen. The world can not be saved by a single guardian angel, but she has not lived for so long that she can not try.

She likes to be busy, and she is. It isn’t uncommon for Annora to be in one city one day, then another the next. How she’s in Seattle continues to confuse the many as most of her real estate projects are on the eastern coast of the United States and Europe. But, she is here, and so far there are no signs of her leaving. An angel such as she isn’t so afraid of roaming the streets alone, not when her angelic lineage is so potent. If she isn’t working, she’s often volunteering, or spending time with those she considers her family— mortal or otherwise. If she could split herself into a legion, she could. Unfortunately, however, she is only one. Though that’s never quite stopped her from getting her way.

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲

She’d nearly died at the age of twenty-four while in London. In the years since, she and the entity she is bound to have settled here in Seattle, reverting to her birth-given name as she rediscovers herself in this new life, refining a new hobby of jewelry-making as she continues with a more quiet and subdued existence. Her workshop exists above the place where humans and supernatural-alike mingle, a club known for pleasure and indulgence. Lovers do no exist, friendships are distant if not fleeting. A love like her parents’ seems like an impossibility to her now. Her sins are her own, and watching love be wiped away by rage and betrayal was more than enough to cast herself away from the intimacy of knowing and being known. People couldn’t lose you, nor could you lose people if you weren’t present long enough for it to matter.

Though she lives in Capitol Hill, there are many days (and nights) that she’ll not stumble home until late. Her ties to the being that saved her from the brink of death are strangely pulled taut— so while her jewelry workshop (think brands like Sofia Zakia or Tippy Taste or Borcik Jewelry) and small storefront exists on the street level, an exclusive club of debauchery and sin exists below, its hours running until nearly dawn. Sometimes, you’ll find her posing as a bar girl, rarely will you see her indulging with or without the one who chose her for a life of the shadow-graced. But, she is loyal and indebted to them, and luckily in Seattle, everything is within arms reach.

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

Within him lies the great desire of perpetual warmth, and the ability to give that same warmth to others. That is what the cozy walls of his cafes evoke, what seeps from the man that seems wrapped in tarragon and cinnamon. No, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Not when the last had left him so cold that he’d felt frozen from the inside out. The past few decades have been spent perfecting his craft, doing everything to feel warm and alive — from coffee, to spontaneous relocations, Carmine’s pursuit of never ending fire is never over. Perhaps there will be something, someone that will finally cause him to burn, to smolder brightly even in the light forever, something that’ll bring the restlessness within him to settle into sincere warmth. Or maybe he won’t, and he’ll lose his spark and suffer from an endless cold for the rest of his days.

Business as usual. The cafe caters to both humans and supernatural beings alike. However, humans only know of the main floor and upper two floors of the building. Supernatural creatures are able to access the two lower levels and the second-highest level of the cafe. Carmine lives on the uppermost floor, although all visitors have access to the roof. He’s far more content with his life here in Seattle than he assumed he would be. Although it’s largely in part to the environment he’s created for himself: not a bar, but a place to enjoy drinks and be with friends, curl up by a fire and get lost in a book that either you’d brought yourself or have pulled off of a shelf. He’s been known to be found lazing in the plush couches instead of returning to his own floor, but all staff members suggest you run when he picks up the guitar. The man has absolutely no musical talent. Please don’t ask him to sing.

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSPIRATIONS FOR YOUR MUSES 

𝐀𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐅𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 36

Ansgar slept fitfully during the night. The unfamiliar bed, the soft occasional coos and rustles coming from the baby monitor, the thumps and sleepy whines from the Bean’s room, and ultimately, the lack of Joline’s warm body beside his kept him wide and painfully awake.

Not to mention the arrival of his brother and sister in law at two o’clock in the morning. Their attempt at quiet whispers and floor-creaking tip toes as they made their way through their house was comical to Ansgar at just how ineffectual it was. They may as well have stomped and shouted for all the noise they made.

At least, it sounded like they had fun.

And so, come early morning, still dark, Ansgar pushed himself, groaning, out of bed. He reached immediately for his phone, disappointed to find Joline hadn’t responded to, or even read his texts.

“Shit,” he muttered, running his palm viciously down his face. “It’s too early anyway,” he said. “Probably still sleeping, the lucky darling.” He rubbed his eyes, blinked away the rest of the sleep - or lack thereof - and texted.

5:01: Good morning, darling. 5 am comes too quickly. Hope you rested well. See you at 10 x

***

He strode out of the bedroom, dressed and showered, combing his hands through his damp hair. He’d left his curls loose again, eschewing his typical slicked, combed and pomaded look. It wasn’t a conscious decision, not a calculated thought, just… an instinct. A knowledge. A deference to Joline’s comments, to the way she toyed with his hair when they made love, to the anticipation of more of it to come.

And of course, Rebecka noticed.

“You look… different, Sgar,” she said, handing him a cup of coffee. “What gives?”

“Well, good morning to you too, my dearest sister.” He took the cup, bent to her and pressed a warm kiss to her cheek. “Thanks,” he muttered, and took a long drink of the fragrant brew. “Mmmm. You’re up early, early bird.”

“Ingrid woke up. Had to feed her,” she shrugged, yawning. She walked back to the table and sat slowly down, straightening out the placket of her pyjama top. “What’s going on with you?” she pressed. “Something’s off.”

“How was the wedding?” Ansgar asked congenially. “Did Mags make a fool of himself on the dance floor?”

Her eyes flicked up to him, fixing him with a deep, delving stare. “Quit the diversionary tactics, Sgar. I’m a journalist. I’m tenacious. I won’t give up. Now, spill.” She sipped at her coffee.

Ansgar leaned against the back of a chair, crossing his legs beneath him. He drank his coffee, eyeing Bec over the rim. “I’m sure I’ve no idea what you’re on about.”

Rebecka glared at him, eyes narrowed. “Okay,” she intoned, nodding sagely. “Don’t forget, Sgar. I’m married to your twin.”

“So?” Ansgar shrugged.

“So, I can tell what you’re thinking. I can read you and Mags like books on a shelf.”

“No. You can’t.” He spat, shaking his head. “Don’t even try.”

“Oh. Really.” Bec’s eyes widened above a broad, knowing smile. She settled back into her seat, perched her feet on the opposite chair and cradled her steaming cup by her chest. “Tell me, Ansgar. What’s her name?”

He stopped, mid-sip, and stared. He held the cup to his lips for a long moment before he lowered it slowly, set it on the table, and straightened. He swallowed, dropped his customary mask, and let his lips curl into a blithe sigh of a smile. “Her name,” he said brightly, “is Joline.”

***

10:35 a.m. Monday

Ansgar peered at his watch for what he knew was at least the fiftieth time since he’d read the face at 10:00. He’d paced Joline’s office back and forth for the past twenty minutes, sure he’d worn a fresh path in her already threadbare Oriental rug.

He’d even taken to sitting at her desk, making a surreptitious attempt to gain access to her laptop in an attempt to locate her. He tried various combinations of the names Hugo and Adrian and Emilie and Elias and even his own name until the system locked him out of any further tries.

He’d called, and by the time he’d finished, his phone showed twelve calls to her mobile number and two calls to her land line, all of which went unanswered. Voice mails, two. Face time attempts, three.

He’d walked the theatre, asking for her at the reception desk, the ticket office, the light booth. He asked the foreman of his own company, the costume designer, the stage manager, the director of the production of Aida. None had seen her. None had heard from her. With every person he’d asked, it became more and more difficult to hide his anxiety, his fear, his apprehension….

… his anger.

And, then there were the texts.

10:05: You’re late.

10:07: How long are you going to keep me waiting?

10:18: I’m still at your office. Are you on your way? Are you okay?

10:26: Joline, respond to me. Pick up your phone. It is most unprofessional of you to miss a meeting with your partner without notice. Please advise where you are ASAP. Work cannot proceed without your authorization.

10:30: If you are not here by 10:40 I am going back to my office. Text me when it is convenient for you to reschedule this meeting.

10:35: Joline. Where the fuck are you?

“God damn it to hell!” he bellowed, wrenching open her office door. He strode angrily down the marble hallway, his loafers slapping against the slick surface, echoing off the walls like his heartbeat in his ears.

He clenched the steering wheel two-handed as he bobbed and weaved his Tesla viciously through the midday Stockholm traffic. He sat forward, keeping  his eyes fixed straight ahead. But his thoughts were elsewhere, far away.

He couldn’t help it. He thought of Faye, damn her. His flesh, his bones, his very soul remembered. Remembered that desperate, empty coldness, that numbness of the nerves and fire behind the eyes and thickness in the chest that felt as if he were choking in the sulfuric clouds of Hell.

He wondered, as he slipped the car dangerously into the left lane, nearly missing a trash collector truck, whether she’d, whether Joline, too, had run from him. Whether she had severed ties and slipped away and deserted him like Faye had. Wondered if she, too, abandoned him.

Left him.

Took his heart and wrenched it asunder at the seam of his scars.

Heaving the wheel hand-over-hand, he caromed the Tesla, tires squealing, into his parking spot, and threw the car into park. He sat there, breathing like a grampus through his nose, his throat too tight, his jaw too clenched to even open his mouth. His heart pounded against his chest wall like a caged lion desperate for its freedom. “Fuck!” he shouted, slamming his fist against the dashboard. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Not again! Not fucking again! I never should have said that! Never should have told you… told you….”

Never should have told you I loved you.

He peered down at his phone, the mute-arsed piece of shit. He lifted it, opened the messages, and peered at it. “Come on,” he growled, willing it to chime. “Fucker, come on, give me something, you useless bastard.”

Nothing.

He opened the car door, lifted the phone high and nearly threw it across the garage, his imagination painting him a picture of the phone and all of his overtures of love to Joline breaking into a million pieces – glass and little red broken hearts shattered against the concrete abutment.

But instead, he lowered the device, regarded it once more, set his thumbs to the keyboard and typed.

11:10:  Ms. Lindberg. Come when convenient. I may or may not be available.

Pocketing the phone, he lit from the car, slamming the door shut with an echoing, hollow thunk. He kept his hand there, on the top of his Tesla, and he bowed his head, thinking - or trying to think. His mind was clouded, foggy, his logic blocked with filthy, sticky clots of pain. He breathed, calming himself, flushing those mental pathways clean of corrosive emotion.

And then, he imagined two compartments set apart by a partition in his mind. A massive wall.

He placed Faye in one compartment. Placed her there and sealed her up along with the gory, blood-soaked detritus of her -  his anxiety, his worry, panic, desperation, despair, self-hatred, loneliness, loss, and hopelessness.

And Joline he set, free to roam, within the other.

And this wall, he fashioned it of steel girders and heavy masonry block and thick concrete and kevlar siding.

Impregnable. Indestructible. Mathematical.

Faye =/= Joline. The two sets do not intersect. Disjoinder. Non-union.

And thereby, the fog lifted. He found he could think again. He stood up straighter. He settled his shoulders. He relaxed his breathing, let his clamped jaw go slack, slowed his heartbeat. Logic, as it does, won out over emotion once again and the calculations and numbers and words flowed freely through his intellect.

“Something has to be wrong,” he told himself, calmly. “It’s not you. She’s not left you. Ergo,” he muttered. “She can’t communicate. She’s distracted. Something happened. She had an accident, she… Jesus!” His eyes flashed with the realization of it. “Her mother!”

And, like a shot arrow, he ran toward his private lift, mashing his hand on the button. While he waited, foot tapping, eyes staring at the moving numbers, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

And as expected, the call went to voice mail.

“Elias,” he barked. “Ansgar Martinsson here. Ring me when you get this. It is an urgent matter so you must respond immediately if you can.”

And as the lift arrived, he hung up and opened his messages again.

11:14: Joline. Is it your mother? Is she ill? Tell me where you are and I will be there.

***

Peritoneal Dialysis Infection.

The doctor called it. The doctor used those words to explain what happened, why Emelie needed to be hooked up to hemodialysis, intravenous antibiotics, a heavy drip of hydration and a ventilator to breathe for her. Her body suffered from a massive infection. She no longer had the antibodies to fight, her system already weak and depleted by her low red blood count. Her own immune system attacking itself, gone haywire by a disease that confused healthy and detrimental cells. The lupus had destroyed her kidneys, her blood full of toxins, her belly full of infection.

Joline understood it logically, but she couldn’t justify it happening all at once and certainly not to her mother. The doctors explained it time and time again to both of them, but Jolie still felt a sense of outrage for all of it. For the doctors explanations. For the lack of a cure. For their inability to fix it, to even make it better.

Joline felt her mother being ripped from her life, ripped from her arms, and ripped from her heart. Her heart ached with missing her mother already, the way she pulled Joline’s leg about her choice in shoes, the way she played with Joline’s hair while she worked at her computer, how she met Joline at the door when she was due in.

Joline clutched her mother’s hand (not cold but not warm either) as she listened to the machines beep and whirl and drip and spin. She willed all of it to work, to bring life back into her mother, to bring her mother back to her. She wasn’t done, and even as a grown woman, she needed her mother’s practical guidance and savage logic.

Tears slid down her cheeks in utter helplessness. She couldn’t lose hope and she wouldn’t, but she felt impotent, handicapped and entirely lame… just sitting there, doing nothing. But didn’t dare more, to wander away and leave her mother’s side. Emelie needed her, and Joline needed her mother.

The chair was anything but comfortable, but she stayed, nearly glued to it, waiting for a miracle to occur. She’d sit on railroad pikes if it meant saving her mother from this danger, this hint of death. Joline laid her forehead on her hand gripped around her mother’s and stared at the jeans she wore beneath. She couldn’t remember putting them on, the act of sliding into them forgotten in her haste, in her agonizing stress… but she must have done.

On her days off, at home, oversized t-shirts with the neck cut out suited her. She still wore the Harley Davidson one that she’d been wearing while reviewing her notes for Ansgar.

Ansgar… he felt a million miles removed from this, from her, from their fledging relationship. A million miles, a million hours, a million heartbeats and breaths away.

The jeans she’d shimmied into just before the first responders arrived and rung the bell to fetch her mother had been the first pair Ansgar had seen her in, after the smart pencil skirt that she’d worn to invade his office. She’d changed into the threadbare, broken knees, painted massacre of denim, but the first pair of jeans she’d worn in front of Ansgar, that first day they met. She couldn’t figure why this was important, other than… she missed him. She missed her life.

Absently she pulled at the white strings at the knee of her jeans, trying not to cry, trying not to dissolve on the spot. She didn’t often find comfort in another’s arms but she suddenly longed and craved for Ansgar’s, coveted his confident strength, yearned for his unflappable arrogance.

Joline could imagine him in her mind berating the doctors until they fixed her mother. Demanding a better doctor, a better specialist, a better hospital, even a better procedure because he simply could. That’s precisely who Ansgar Martinsson was. He expected the best and accepted no less than that. He didn’t accept failure.

A sob, a combination of fear for her mother’s fate and the realization about how she felt for Ansgar, escaped in a hiccoughing sound and she finally lifted her head. Swiping at the tears with the heel of her free hand, she whined and cried to the woman in the bed, “Oh, God, mama… I love him and you haven’t met him yet.”

Please don’t leave me. I can’t bear it, mama. Not yet. I don’t know what I’m doing.

Finally, mercilessly, Elias made it to the hospital. He held Joline securely in his arms as the doctor repeated everything for him, for his benefit, without the filter of Joline’s limited knowledge. Elias remained stoic, listening, intent on getting pertinent information and a possible course of treatment. The next three days were critical to get through and would indicate whether Emelie would survive this bout of infection. The doctor also mentioned a kidney transplant, not for the first time, as a possibility.

Elias rubbed Joline’s back, imbuing her with some form of comfort, as she took it the hardest. His sister was capable of so much, she exceeded in diplomacy and logic and management in her everyday life, but she experienced intense empathy for her family. That strong part of her all but disappeared when her emotional, compassionate side emerged.

When the doctor left them alone outside the intensive care unit, just outside their mother’s window, the siblings tried to make sense of all that happened in such a short amount of time. “Did she give any indication that she was unwell?” Elias asked softly, without blame.

“You know how she is, she’s so stubborn about… God! I wish I’d known. I should’ve known!”

Elias pulled her to his shoulder and kissed the top of his sister’s head. “You can’t blame yourself, Jo-Bo. You know that. This,” he indicated their mother upon the hospital cot with a wave of his hand, “was always a danger. The course treatment she chose… it was a risk.”

“I just… I need her well. I need her with me. I need her, Elias.”

He nodded silently, stroking her back again. He let the quiet between them calm her, dry her tears some. It was so rare to see or hear Joline cry that he didn’t know any other way to stop them other than letting them run their course. “I remember the first day mum brought you home. I hated you, Jo-Bo,” he said with a sad chuckle.

Joline laughed through her tears even.

“It was a Friday. I was meant for this show and tell or some shit at school. Instead our grandmother kept me home to meet my baby sister. I was pissed right the fuck off—“

“At five?” Joline asked with a reserved smile.

“Don’t mock me. I never got to show off my car collection.”

“The horror!”

“You were a little terror,” Elias pulsed his arm around her shoulders. “Cried all the damn time. I was the star until you came along.”

Although their father was a big part of both of their lives when he was alive, for the most part, Emelie was a single parent. Bryan, their father, visited once a month and took long vacations in the summer to spend time with them.

“Sorry, I stole your spotlight, big brother.”

Elias brought Joline into a hug. “I do remember when things changed though… just so you know.”

“You don’t still hate me for stealing your thunder?”

“Just a bit sore, but I’m getting better,” he joked, holding her tightly. “You gave me your scone. You were maybe, three or four? I was whining mum’s ear sore about something… she gave you the last lemon glazed or cranberry. From your highchair, you pushed your plate to me. You kept the peace even then, and I knew you wanted it.”

“Did you give it back?”

“Hell, no! I wanted it! But you weren’t so bad after that.”

After another lull in their conversation, both lost in their musing about Emelie, Joline asked, “What are we going to do, Elias? This… this is serious. I can’t lose her. Not now!”

“It is serious,” Elias acknowledged with a nod. “We just have to see how the next few days go, and we’ll make the decisions together. Yeah?”

Joline nodded, fighting back another wave of tears. “Thank you for coming. I didn’t know… I still don’t know what to do, how to fix this.”

“Be patient. There’s nothing you can do. I know you’re used to fixing things, finding the best solutions for all parties, Jo-Bo. But this isn’t one of those things for you to solve.”

She nodded, unconvinced.

“Why don’t I sit here with you and mum for a couple of hours, yeah? We’ll talk. Keep her company. Let her know that we’re here pulling for her. At nine,” he said looking at his mobile, “I’ll hit the cafeteria to get breakfast. If you need anything in the morning, I’ll get it and you can stay by mum, okay?”