#I think the lack of characters I came to adore is why I haven't watched s3

[38riku]

Good morning / afternoon

If you are willing, would you be able to write a drabble / headcannons for any Twisted Wonderland characters (any dorm is fine) for a reader who’s based off Black Pearl Cookie from CRK?

You don’t have to do this request !

Love your work - swan anon 🦢

thank you sweets ! i chose octavinelle and malleus – if you want any other dorms just let me know <3 hope you enjoy

𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓

Black Pearl Cookie!Reader x Octavinelle / Black Pearl Cookie!Reader x Malleus (reader is not the prefect.) not proofread.

𝐚. 𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨

azul watches you, to your knowledge, and although it's a bit creepy you have no intention of confronting him about him as long as he keeps his distance.

however, the reason he is watching you is to do just that.

he's familiar with the tales of where you're from. nothing good comes in or out of the duskgloom sea, yet, here you were, and you had him completely enthralled.

then he overblots and you see him.

days later and be still wonders just what you thought of him. is he worse than the terrors of the sea you call home? judging by your looks, he'd be the only terror that would reside there.

azul lets his nerves get the better of him and approaches you when the lounge is nearly empty.

"i would like to apologize for ... the vulgar display of my overblot and octopus-like ... form." clearing his throat, he turned to leave, only to stop when you spoke. "you think you look vulgar?"

your melancholic tone caused his head to whirl in your direction. "the overblot was a bit much but there is nothing wrong with the way you look azul."

he blinks in shock, for the sincerity you held was that of someone who understood – someone who had insecurities of their own – and even though he couldn't fathom what you lacking, he didn't question it.

"yes, i suppose there isn't."

somehow, the small moments of conversation happened scarcely, despite this, he pieced together the small pieces of information you shared.

you had sisters that you adore. he could see the faint twinkle in your eyes as you spoke about them. you tone, on the other hand, was strained.

'you feel inferior to your sisters' he thought.

your view on love was sour, eluding to a past heartbreak that you haven't recovered from, and contributed to your current state of mind.

why?

why is every thought consumed by you?

why did he feel the aching need to dig deeper, knowing he may never reach the bottom and may not resurface?

you knew he can take the pain away. no matter how large the scar, the deepness of the cut, the memories that you held close — you don't deserve to hurt.

he sighed, tucking the golden scroll away.

"i hope you come to realize that the fate you've been given isn't one you must live."

𝐣. 𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡

jade is rather good at reading social cues. yours to be specific. he's unintentionally devoted his time catering to you when you're in his vicinity.

you don't like to be bothered. a quick greeting or farewell is all you're willing to muster, and he respects that. unfortunately not everyone does.

at least when you're at the lounge he can help you. whether its sending his brother their way or redirecting them on his own terms it doesn't matter.

he can't tell if you've noticed his meddling but he is quite sure you've realized that no one approaches you in the lounge, which causes you to frequent more often.

"good evening. shall we start with drinks?"

it's jarring the way his mind can be filled with you but he acts just like any other member of the staff.

he watches as you scan over the new seasonal items, honing in on the desert items — leading him to believe you had a sweet tooth — "the pearl decorated cookie spread please ... and my usual drink."

you handed him back the laminated sheet, thanking him promptly and returning to your work.

although service is typically quick, the speed at which you received everything was noticeably faster.

"i hope you enjoy. in fact, i came up with the spread design myself." his comment didn't come off as boastful or arrogant, in all honesty you couldn't quite tell what was hidden in his tone.

"as the first person to order it i would like to hear your thoughts."

as you obliged, he took a seat on the other side of the booth, gauging your reaction.

when jade saw your face light up briefly he felt a sense of satisfaction that made him warm. "they use imported sugars and spices from the duskgloom sea. your presence inspired me to add such delicacy to the menu. i'm delighted that it suits your taste."

your eyes. he didn't mean to let it slip it was his idea — you as his muse — and that your delight was his ultimate goal, but, he couldn't help it when you stared at him with such intensity.

"i'm not quite sure what you're getting at."

"please don't think too much about it. as a frequent visitor, i simply wanted to ensure your comfortability." he excused, placing a hand across his chest before bowing slightly. "my apologies if—"

"no need. it seems i misunderstood." finishing the last of the platter, you slid out of the booth, "thank you for the menu feature. i'll be sure to enjoy it as long as it's on the menu."

making your way to the bar to pay, he couldn't help but chuckle once you were out of ear shot.

you didn't misunderstand. he did it to make you feel ... better.

if you wouldn't allow anyone close enough to fix it, he'll continue to try and alleviate your suffering from a distance.

𝐟. 𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡

your relationship with the eel is grating. you aren't quite sure why he constantly insists on pushing your buttons or how he winds up in your bubble daily.

the reason is irrelevant. for all you know, he does it for his amusement which, irritates you even further that someone could be so ignorant. especially since you've lashed out on him a few times – earning you detention and a reminder of the rules regarding magic use.

"heya oyster."

you flinched back, whirling around and glaring at said eel. "awe, did I scare you? i didn't mean it." there wasn't any remorse in his tone but you don't think he meant to startle you.

"i'm not doing this with you right now." you huffed, not wanting the conversation to escalate.

"ha? do what?" walking off isn't that effective when he's lanky and athletic and used to chasing people down. "i just wanna talk to ya."

"i don't want to talk. not to you, not to anyone." any person with sense would leave it at that. your harsh tone sent chills down the spines of passersby's, ducking their heads and rushing past to give the two of you the walkway.

it seems that a majority got the hint except him.

"i know that oyster. i'm just wondering why you go through all this trouble being mean when it's not you." yawning, he missed the way you stopped walking, having to double back a second later.

floyd isn't easily intimidated. he's usually the intimidating one. but, he can admit you made him shrink just a bit. especially when you used magic. he didn't know the duskgloom sea was habitable; let alone to mages.

he may've approached you differently if he knew. then maybe he wouldn't have returned to his dorm soaking wet and partially electrocuted.

"you don't know me."

"don't have to." shrugging, he continued. "you're scared. trust me, i see fear everyday. yours just isn't 'ah gonna get beat up' y'know?"

he wasn't helping his case.

"just sayin!" raising his hands in surrender, he watched you stomp away to your dorm and didn't follow you this time.

floyd groaned aloud. that went terribly and now he's in no mood to go to class.

instead he goes to his room, flopping on the bed and rethinking his plans. you didn't want to be like that, yet asking you to drop the act up front doesn't seem to be the best idea.

he knows you're a pearl — pretty and shiny — and he knows you were like that from the beginning.

what made you put up such a hard shell?

when he finds out, he'll make sure to squeeze it until you're satisfied.

𝐦. 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚

malleus desires inclusion. he longs to be invited to events, participate in conversation with his peers, and not be feared for existing.

that is why you became the object of his silent rage.

people want to befriend you. they approach you with the intention of companionship and you respond with clipped words, not returning their kind regards.

"you don't truly believe they were always that way, do you?" lilia questioned him when he explained his personal grudge.

in hindsight, his assumption was silly. instead of viewing it from another's perspective he watched you and realized that it wasn't only silly but ridiculous.

something weighed heavily on your heart. he noticed it when your mind wanders during lectures, in the lunch hall, and even walking to and from the school.

you've experienced the compassion of another as well as the betrayal one can cause when they're wedged in your heart. how did he not notice it prior to lilia's input?

the expression you wore is similar to his grandmother's.

"there are fates worse than death." he recalls her words. right here — watching you from afar read alone on a bench — is where he understood what she meant.

"never being able to love again." malleus whispered. he had you all wrong, blinded by jealousy he foolishly harbored towards you.

as swiftly as he could without frightening you, he approached your figure.

"child of the sea." he greeted, "i felt inclined to inform you that there is an abandoned shrine in the eastern part of the woods around the school."

"it is quiet and no one ventures that far on a whim. there's a small lake as well, if that interests you."

bowing, he bid you farewell and left without hearing what you'd say. uncharacteristically his nerves got the better of him as he vanished.

that night, he wondered if you would visit the area in your free time. perhaps he should've stayed and awaited your reply, yet, his face warmed in embarrassment the longer he thought.

he is a fool. an utter fool. the aching feeling he felt must be guilt, mustn't it? or is it the same ache you felt when you let someone in your heart ...?

© 2024 — 38riku. Do not copy or repost or plagiarize my work. All Rights Reserved.

[29daffodils]

2023 : the BL agenda

here's a list of BLs i watched in 2023.

listed in no particular order, with an overall rating according to my personal tastes and such. maybe a little funny comment too.

(please click on the names to be redirected to a liveblog thread and my subsequent mental breakdown over some gay men.

the ones not linked are those that i never liveblogged.)

favourites marked with ✨

KinnPorsche La Forte

4 out of 5

“i watched for vegaspete, i stayed for vegaspete. that's it. also apo's, bible and tong's acting. the plot kinda left the chat by the end, but overall it was a fun watch.

also my first ever thai BL, so, forgiven.”

I Feel You Linger In The Air

4 out of 5

“oh, yes, reincarnation! my absolute favourite trope. but ngl i didn't enjoy this as much. a very beautiful story overall, just not something i'll watch again. it was kinda meh for me. that's all. but i get why most people love it to death.

incredible characters, btw. those i will remember.”

Love In The Air

3 out of 5

“ok, i'll be honest here, paisky saved it. carried it on their backs. etc etc. i started watching it for phayurain, and then the first half and the lack of plot with the absolutely unhinged kidnapping scene threw me off. i am glad the second half exists.”

Only Friends

4 out of 5

“i came for sandray, i watched for sandray and i actually completed for sandray.

i'm a little biased towards this mostly because the characters were god tier if not for the randomness of the plot here and there. you could pick them apart under a microscope and still not be satisfied.”

Moonlight Chicken ✨

5 out of 5

“i would say i came for alan/gaipa and stayed for them until the end, but that would be lying. heart/liming have my heart too. and while I'm not too kind towards the main ship, they were an absolute delight to watch as well. the acting in this is top tier. the storytelling and cinematography absolutely gold. the whole atmosphere is magical. and with that OST, this can't be anything else besides a gem.

if you haven't already watched it, this is your cue.”

The Eclipse ✨

3.5 out of 5

“i came for firstkhao and i stayed for akkayan.

listen, the plot is something. it's not the most well executed. at some point i started thinking — the hell, bruh?! — but. but. it brings the point across.

this is a heartwarming show. i just wish it had a couple more episodes to tie it up nicely, because it was very rushed towards the end.

one of my favourites, despite the bad execution. why?? the firstkhao chemistry is unreal. it's funny, adorable, angsty. just what you need to cry your heart out (with joy).”

Our Skyy 2 [The Eclipse Cut]

4 out of 5

“i personally refuse to consider this as part of the eclipse universe. why? ayan — lovely, sweet ayan who'd lay down his life for akk — would never treat akk like that just to keep a surprise secret.

overall a good watch; loads of improvement in acting. but not something i'll visit again.”

Not Me ✨

5 out of 5

“i watched this for two things : the iconic pride parade scene + first as yok. i regret nothing. this was as good as they promised. the lot, the execution, the acting, the characters. this is as good as it gets.

i like to think eclipse could have been the same if not for the shoddy execution towards the end. overall great. a must watch for all BL lovers.”

[hollyhomburg]

Hi there!

So I've been someone who became an army around this time last year and decided that I desperately needed some good bangtan fics. From memory, BILY was one of the first fics that I came across and got so excited for. This was when you had only just released the prologue. I decided to keep following up on this because I thought "whoever this writer is, they must be super dedicated to writing out this story if the prologue that they released was around 10k words (if I remember correctly)". It was also, at the time, an interesting mafia concept that I found to be quite refreshing. Fast forward to now where it is very clearly not the mafia fic I had imagine it to be, I felt like it was time for me to finally send something.

BILY is nothing like I had expected it to be, but became so much more than that. I absolutely adore the way in which you write, each character, each emotion and thought. You explore all these different themes and topics that I myself haven't experienced before. It's so therapeutic and comfortable to read, yet also thought provoking and provides new perspectives at times. It has taught me a lot about different things and made me reflect on these topics even if I hadn't particularly thought about it before.

Sincerely, thank you for writing such an amazing, insightful and beautiful story. You're a spectacular writer with an ability to create such a vivid world, compelling storylines and incorporate such human emotions into your characters. Looking at the comments and asks other readers leave behind I think I can confidently say that we all really enjoy your writing and would wait however long until you're ready and happy with releasing a chapter.

From a reader who lacks the braincells to come up with theories and unearth everyone's secrets but will happily watch in silence and support you.

Congratulations for writing 30 amazing chapters. I hope you have an amazing day and can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

^.^ anon (because people sign anon messages like this right?)

YEAH- so this is a valid critisizim of bily that it really doesn't fit very well into the 'mafia fic' genre, but i think that there is a lot of overlap- bily is a queer story, but it's also enemies to lovers and slow burn, it's also a spy fic and an assassin fic, like- it's very very hard to tag shit as a fanfic writer- you sorta have to just go with what fits most of the time. i think that the best genre title i could think of with bily is hurt/comfort and suspense because that seems like it's 90% of the story

but i digress!!! your comments are absolutely lovely, and you're right- i do care about bily an offal lot, it's funny, writing stories has never possessed me for so long, I've been writing bily for the better part of a year- and i don't think there has been a day where i haven't thought about it? but regardless I'm glad I'm offered the opportunity to spread the love around <3

there has been alot of thought discussion in bily, from like- physlosophies of love to recovery, I'm happy that i can share all the tangled ideas with you (i hope to make them focused a little more in the next few chapters- idk why i feel like I've derailed the story recently- maybe it's because it doesn't seem like so many people have been reading them recently). hearing that people are willing to wait is certainly reassuring regardless

i hope that the story will have something for everyone in a way. the people who want the fluff have the fluff chapters, the people who want the secrets will pour through it to find the hints and the people who want the smut will have that to look forward and build too. i wouldn't worry too much about it.

you will be little kitty anon! it's fated!!! there you go! thank you for your lovely comment! we've got so many more chapters to go!

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

I Wish You Would

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 7

"He drove past her street each night"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the Stark Tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 2,896

Warnings: angst, alcohol, poison, only a pinch of fluff. Not in that particular order.

A/N: this one has more Loki than the last. And... I'm sorry. Also, the timeline is important from the last chapter and forward, so keep it in your mind.

A/N2: @chrissquares made me these awesome dividers! And dear @nacho-bucky beta read this for me!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

"We won't be able to control the dwarves for long, we need to calm them down soon or they will attack."

"Your Highness, we need a plan of attack to keep them from breaching through their borders, some shield spell or-" A different councilman piped up.

"No, what we need is to keep peace. We need a negotiator to help maintain order. No more endless war, we can solve it without offence." The Allfather looked at his counsel until his eyes fell on his son who sat quietly throughout the whole meeting. "Loki, I want you to go and calm the situation down, solve it peacefully."

Loki looked up at his father, his stern gaze left no place to argue.

"Yes father." Loki got up after that, getting ready for the long day ahead of him. But before he could go his father's voice stopped him.

"I expect that when you'll be back you will make arrangements to make up with Lady Iyllir for your past behaviour."

"My first priority now is with the negotiation I need to handle." With a thin smile Loki walked away from his father, now with newfound determination to leave Asgard soon.

He stayed there longer than he wanted to. Apparently their species didn't sleep as often as Asgardians do. When he finally got back to the palace, he teleported right into his room and got in bed; he was never more grateful for his powers than now. Through all of his tiredness though, the moment his head hit the pillow you plagued his mind and sleep faded away from him as you pulled him closer into your dangerous clutches.

He felt as if he was the same heartbroken guy he was before everything happened. She took over his dreams after he let her go, and if he was being honest he let her. He'd imagine her next to him, holding his shattered heart together just enough for him to be able to go to sleep, keeping it as close together as she could until the morning came and she was no longer there and the pieces were all scrambled again. He woke up and remembered that you weren't next to him, and no matter how much he'll conjure her up he knew she won't be you. A face identical to yours still doesn't feel like you.

You were so much more than just a figure to him, he could conjure her up and she would be just like you with the same smile and eyes but beyond that she was nothing but empty. She wasn't you because you had a soul that he could feel just by being close to you, and you had emotions behind those brilliant eyes and sincerity behind the smile. You were so much more than a trick of the eye.

He couldn't even touch her.

Last time, after he left you he was ruined, knowing that he had no way to undo what he did- he had no way back, especially after the fall. But now he knew that even if he would go back and knock on your door- you won't let him in. He knew he would only shatter the peace you could have had if he hadn't barged into your life and wrecked you all over again. He was a selfish man but you wouldn't let him in your door again. Loki wasn't dumb by any means, he knew that you meant what you said and he couldn't blame you.

Sleep decided to claim him, but he could only hope you won't be there too haunting his dreams.

"Are you sure this is wise?" Loki voiced out his doubts as you picked your head out of the blanket fort the two of you spent the afternoon making only to shake your head at him.

"Yes, it is like the best thing ever," were mortals so destructive that they enjoyed lacking their needed sleep time? He was certain midgardians needed more sleep than him and it was rather crucial for them. "I cannot believe you've never had a movie marathon!"

"I don't see the point of sitting in front of your screen for many hours without any break, we could just as easily watch one and on another occasion the other. Why the rush to do things we can just do another time?"

"Time is short, and you have to live in the moment. There is nothing wrong with spending just one day as if you're running out of time with someone, actually that is something endearing in a way." He watched as you got lost in thought before your eyes focused on his again and he knew you won't let him deny this. So the god of mischief entered the warm steady fort you created, well it wasn't actually that steady but you didn't need to know the little magic he used on it.

He had to admit that the little nest the two of you built was quite charming, it was odd how such a delicate thing could give one the feeling of safety.

"Come on we are starting the first movie!"

"You still haven't told me, who is this Potter?" he picked up the disc and examined its packaging.

"I love it when you say that with your accent! And he is a wizard!" you giggled at him and put a bowl of popcorn in between the two of you as the movie started playing.

"Are you trying to tell me that this guy is doing magic?" It was preposterous to know that this is how humans perceive magic. He wished he could show you what real magic is like, maybe one day he will.

"I know! it's amazing! I love Sci-fi so much." The movie kept playing on with him making snarky comments at the characters and with you giggling and defending the movie.

The movies went on one after the other and he might have gotten emotional over some scenes, not that he showed it of course.

It was in the fifth movie that he felt a soft weight on his shoulder and when he looked to the side he saw you laying your head on him with your eyes closed. At this point the snacks were pushed aside and you had gotten closer to him and now you fell asleep on him, your bodies touching and he doesn't know why but he held his breath then. You let yourself to be in such a vulnerable state with him, in this makeshift fort, and his body reacted to it more than it should have. With each loud fast beat of his heart realization fell upon him. He didn't know what it was just yet, but he understood it.

It was odd, the feeling he got, he had never been this enchanted with someone before- let alone a human. You seemed to have some sort of effect on him that he couldn't shake off even when you weren't around him. You caused these blooming feelings to erupt inside of him and it was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. And all you did was fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. The god of mischief was falling in love.

•

It was 1am and you might have just stolen Tony's car alongside some expensive bottles he had locked away.

You just had to get out of there, the thoughts got too loud and the dreams got more vivid, so you knew exactly where you needed to go to get your mind straight and maybe drink some wine.

No one knew about the apartment that you kept even after moving into the Tower. The only other person that knew about it was Tony, who bought it and kept it there just for you, clear of annoying neighbours in a silent neighborhood.

Getting into the apartment you shivered at the cold, so you turned on the AC and popped open the first bottle of wine.

So you sat there with the bitter sweet wine scenting the room. So far you had no luck of forgetting the young prince, his taste and smell easily overpowered the alcohol if you focused on them strongly enough.

You almost did.

But with each sip you got sent back into a kaleidoscope of memories. Headlights pass the window pane and sent you aware to a far memory.

"Why are you dressed up like that?" Loki raised an eyebrow at you when he took a sit at the dining room table and you put a drink in front of him. He grew quite fond of midgardian drinks, they were much better than mead. You closed the window and the curtain, the bright light outside was blinding you. It was too early in the morning for that.

"Like what?" you stretched your arms and hem of your night shirt went up a bit and revealed skin that Loki tried not to look at.

"Still in your sleep wear."

"It's morning and I'm not going anywhere." You shrugged him off and sat down in front of him.

"Are you not going to change because I'm here?" he kept his eyes on your face.

"No, I'm comfortable." You shrugged him off again and began to eat your toast. Your answer however lingered in the back of your head.

"Alright," he answered and took a sip. "I'm just saying that it's not fitting for a lady to be dressed like this."

He knew how much you hated being called that. His smirk was hidden by his cup of coffee.

"You son of a bitch… don't call me that."

"Not call you what, my lady?" you pointed your fork at him and he couldn't help but think how adorable you look like this.

"Call me Lady one more time and I'll show you exactly how not lady-like I am."

"Okay, fine!" he watched as you brought your cup to your lips only to realize that you drank all of your tea. "Come on, I'll make you another cup of tea as an apology."

You let him take your empty cup with a satisfied smile. When he was in the kitchen you wandered to the question he asked and the immediate answer that you gave him. It took you a second to get out of your thoughts when you realized something.

"Oh wait Loki you don't know how I make my-" you got up to the kitchen only to open the door right to Loki who just gave you the tea he just made. He moved past you and sat at the table.

You hesitantly took a sip, only to sigh in content- it was perfect.

"You know how I like my tea." It was a statement but you were still fazed by that fact as you sat down. His reply was short.

"Well of course I do."

It was odd how such a simple thing as that could make your heart flutter with a feeling that you haven't felt in a long while but you knew exactly what it was.

•

Three months ago in Asgard.

Asgard looked beautiful in the morning. Loki stood in his room next to his window which overlooked the garden. His mind wasn't in Asgard though, and he had a decision to make, one that was waiting for him the moment he steps out of that door.

He knew that it's been almost a month since he left you and you told him to never come back. He had to find a way to move on even if he couldn't. He'd call it a coincidence if it weren't just unfortunate luck.

He was well aware of his options and the fact that there were none, and while he'd rather perish in his own misery a part of him still knew that he would have to take the other choice.

You'd never take him back, not after what happened when the two of you were well aware that the heartbreak would come, not now that you knew who he is.

Without letting himself think any further Loki went out of his room and descended a floor down until he stood outside of the large doors. He gently knocked on them. Who knew, maybe this will someday give him some twisted peace?

The door opened and there she stood in a flowery gown, Lady Iyllir.

"My lady, I've come here to apologize for my past behaviour. I would very much like it if we could resume the plan for our marriage."

•

You threw one bottle of wine aside, it was 2am but you couldn't even drink, you couldn't do anything. You just wished that he would come back and be here. He could always read your mind even when he assured you that he wasn't actually reading your mind.

"Please Loki, I miss you too much to be mad anymore, just come back."

You knew deep inside you that you'll never be clean of him; you'll never forget him for as long as you'll live. If you could, you'd rush all the way to Asgard for him, throwing away your stupid pride.

Maybe he will knock on the door, maybe he is on his way. You humored yourself but the hope was still there.

Yes you told him to leave but what you really wanted was for him to be there on the other side of the door screaming "I'm in love with you" or maybe he'll wait there in the pouring rain and throw pebbles at your window.

How did the god of lies not see it? Why couldn't he see that when you told him to leave you wanted him to chase after you and fight for you?

"I need you Loki, I do."

Then there was a knock on your door, you were sure you imagined it. But it was real and a smile took over your face when you went towards the door. He heard you.

Everything you needed was right there on the other side of the door, with his face and his beautiful blue eyes, and even with the conversations with the little white lies.

You rushed to open the door after he knocked on it again.

But he didn't have his blue eyes.

"Mike?" you really thought that Loki would show up for you. Your smile fell.

"You seemed off today darling," he walked past you into the living room. "I thought you might want some company."

In your state of disappointment you shook yourself out of it and closed the door. You had a boyfriend, you didn't have Loki. You won't have Loki.

"Oh, thank you. That is very thoughtful of you." He put some bags of food and drinks on the counter and came back to you. He wrapped you up in a hug. He may not be Loki, but you needed a hug right now so you held onto him.

"I know that as an Avenger it must be rough, with the missions and the constant danger," he brought you to sit on the couch with him. "I understand that it could get hard, but I'm proud of you for doing that and I want you to know that I am here for you."

He was saying everything you needed to hear, and so you nodded into his chest. Loki was wild and crazy but here you have a guy who is steady and stable and your heart can't seem to listen to logic.

At least he's here.

"I'll get us something to drink and then we can talk about it if you want, okay?" you nodded at him again as he got up and went to the kitchen.

You straightened your shirt until he got back with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"Oh, I already have wine right there-" you looked back at the half bottle that was left and cringed.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll like this one. Plus this one is brand new." He tried to joke but you wished he hadn't seen how much you drank already. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to drink more but you needed it.

You took the glass with the red liquid. Testing it, you shook it in the glass and sent the burning red liquid down your throat. It was pretty good, you had to admit. It had an unusual taste to it that you couldn't quite figure out.

"It's from Europe." He smiled and you smiled back lightly.

You talked to him and didn't really care that you finished your glass of wine soon and he poured you another one.

The alcohol must have started to get to you, you felt a little spacey, the smell of the alcohol made you feel weird.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" he laughed at you a bit and put his glass on the table.

"I asked you if you're okay, do you feel better now?" it was starting to get a bit hot in the room, you forgot to turn off the AC, you looked around for the remote.

"Yeah I'm just- didn't you drink from your wine?" you looked at the full glass on the table. Your head was starting to hurt and you picked up the glass, the weird smell came back to you and the world felt blurry around you.

"No, I'm afraid I am not here to drink."

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

[peggyrose19]

Will you write something with O'Darwin? Really anything because I think their dynamic is super cute but I haven't really found much out there about them. Thank you!! <3

You asked Anon, and so you shall receive!!! I’m sorry it took so long to finish it, my mind hates me and so does my english teacher. But it’s finally done, so here is some adorable O’Darwin fluff for you my dear. The nickname ‘Posey’ comes from the wonderful @prohibitionincurls who I’m mildly in love with, and characters as always by the amazing @lumosinlove. There will be more parts to this :)

The Lions had a rare week off. It wasn’t often it happened during the season, and Natalie was determined to make the best of her boyfriend’s sudden free time. The two were on the couch in their apartment lazily watching the news when she proposed her idea.

“Let’s go visit Alex.”

Kasey looked down at her. “What?”

She shrugged. “Let’s go visit Alex. You have the week off, they have a home game in two days. We should go visit, support him. It’s a quick flight to Florida and there’s tickets available, I already looked. Please? I miss him.”

Slowly Kasey smiled. “Let’s do it.” 

And so, that was how Kasey found himself at the airport at six a.m. two days later, with a duffel bag in one hand and a boarding pass in the other, Natalie at his side. He yawned. It was far too early for this. 

They had a direct flight to Florida, impressive considering the lack of preparation that had gone into their trip. Both of them fell asleep moments after the plane took off, Natalie leaning into Kasey’s side, possibly drooling on him a bit. When Kasey awoke, it was to sunny skies outside the plane window, twenty minutes left before they landed. Natalie was still asleep on his shoulder, and he quietly brushed the hair from her face. His thoughts drifted to Alex, long red hair falling in his eyes as he laughed at Kasey, eyes bright and smile wide. Kasey loved that smile. 

“Hey,” a sleepy voice shook him from his thoughts, and he glanced down at Natalie, rubbing her eyes. She smiled sleepily at him.

“You ready for this?” she asked. He smiled. 

“Can’t wait.” 

They reached the airport easily enough, the plane landing smoothly and deboarding quickly. Kasey was glad to be up from the small chair that crushed his legs no matter how much he adjusted it. In the car to their hotel, Natalie scrolled through the messages she’d gotten while in the air.

“Oh damn, Alex called,” she said. “Half an hour ago. Call him now?” Kasey nodded, and she dialed, phone connecting to their rental car.

“Hello?” Alex’s voice came through the car speakers and Kasey felt himself relax a bit at the sound.

“Hey Alexander,” Natalie chirped

“Natalia.”

“Not my name.”

Alex ignored her. “Where are you? You sound fuzzy.”

“In the car. Kase is here too.” 

“Kase! Hey, how are you guys? Going anywhere interesting?” 

Natalie’s eyes sparkled as she smirked. “Oh, Kase has the week off so we’re going on a little adventure. Y’know, get out of the house for a bit. Enjoy some alone time… maybe go to the beach.” 

There was silence on the other side of the line for a long moment. Kasey fought a laugh. 

“Isn’t it winter in Gryffindor right now?” Alex asked finally.

“Who said we were in Gryffindor?” 

“Well then, where are you?”

“Virginia,” Kasey offered. 

“Why?”

“For fun.” 

Alex sighed long-sufferingly. Natalie snickered. 

“Are you ready for your game tonight?” Natalie asked, changing the subject before one of them said something they’d regret. This was supposed to be a surprise, dammit, and she was determined to keep it that way.

Alex perked up at the question. “I think so. We’ve been doing well in practice, I think we’ll beat the Blackhawks pretty easily.” The Chicago Blackhawks were having a rough season, despite it just beginning, and they had lost their star player only a week before. Tampa was slated to win, but it was never a guarantee. 

Kasey pulled into the parking lot of their hotel and stopped the car, leaning closer to the phone.

“Hey, Alex, we’ve gotta go but we’ll call you later. Good luck tonight.” 

“Don’t need it. I’ll talk to you guys later, have fun at the beach.”

“Love you,” Natalie sang, and ended the call. As soon as the line clicked off, she burst out laughing.

“Oh, you are ridiculous,” she snorted. “Did you really just tell him we’re in Virginia? It’s not warm there either!”

Kasey laughed. “It was the first place I thought of!” Natalie just shook her head. 

“Come on, lover boy, let’s get inside. I need a shower. And lunch.”

With a soft smile, Kasey followed her out of the car and into the building. 

Hours later, after lunch and a nap and a little bit of touring, the pair arrived at the arena. People were already milling around, despite puck drop not being for another two hours. They slipped back to the locker room where they knew the team would be getting ready. Kasey, well familiar with Alex’s routine after playing with him for two years, headed to the gym, knowing he’d be in there already. 

As predicted, he was laid out of the mats, doing some light stretching. He was the only one in there.

“Knock knock,” Kasey said, Natalie nearly bouncing up and down at his side. Alex whipped his head up so fast it hurt and gaped at them. 

“Hey babe,” Natalie said. Alex stood up. 

“What are you guys doing here?” he exclaimed. “I thought you were in Virginia!”

Kasey snorted. “Alex, you can’t have possibly believed that.”

“I- you said-” he spluttered, glaring at them. “Wh- How?”

“We flew.” 

“Okay well, no shit. I just… I can’t believe you’re actually here.” 

“Well, believe it.” Natalie smirked and crossed the mats to Alex’s side.

“I missed you,” he said, voice softening.

“Missed you too.” He kissed her then, soft and steady, the way he did everything. Natalie smiled as everything clicked into place again. 

“Come on, get over here,” Alex sniffed, holding out an arm for Kasey, who crossed the room in an instant. Alex kissed him too, and when they pulled away, Kasey smiled. 

“What’re you guys doing here?” Alex asked, voice wavering. 

“We’re here to see you,” Kasey replied with a grin.

“Posey,” he sighed, hand cupping Kasey’s cheek. Natalie watched them fondly. 

Kasey glanced at the clock on the wall then back at Alex. “Keep your routine, baby,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to Alex’s stubbly cheek. “We’ll be here cheering you on.”

“Thank you. Truly.” 

“We’ll see you after the game,” Natalie said, wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist one last time and kissing him again before she and Kasey headed for the door, blowing him a kiss before they disappeared from view.

They had barely made it three steps down the hallway before Alex called them back.

“Wait!”

Kasey and Natalie stopped and looked back at him. 

Alex’s panicked gaze softened. “I love you guys.”

“We love you,” Natalie replied. “Now go, you have a game to win O’Hara.”

Alex grinned. “Yes ma’am.”

And win he did.

[mongooseblues]

Hi! What inspired you to create your OCs?

Ooooh nice and open-ended I love it!

Back in like… February? March? I was like yo it’s time to make some characters I’m getting sick of niche fanfiction and I don’t watch anything anyone watches. Started just with vague themes and the plan of an ethically murky relationship between a professor and a grad student. Teachers have been super important to me throughout my life and frankly I have lack-of-daddy issues so male teachers have been guiding forces for me (and sometimes sexual confusion and too-ardent admiration exclusively on my part gets involved lol) Got kinda derailed from my education during pandemic stuff and I was missin’ school so professor OC! Cal is consciously inspired by a mix of people I’ve loved, and subconsciously undoubtedly more.

I'm gonna ramble again so here's a text break.

Specifically, two particular teachers were the biggest forces that shaped Cal’s character, one of whom, Mr. W, I’ve mentioned on here a couple of times as I was in class with him pre-pandemic and he happens to be my teacher again now. It is constant inspiration I adore him and he was such a influence for Cal originally that he’ll do or say something every couple days where I’m like 🥺 That Was Very Cal of Him (which is like, not a surprise considering, but it gets me every time).

The other professor was one who effortlessly commanded a lecture hall like nobody’s business and was hot and magnetic and charming and also somehow got me so excited about an obscure subject I was only taking to fulfill a GE requirement, and I got the sense that other people felt that way too because the engagement within the class as a whole was very palpable. Also one time he came to class with, in his words, a “heavy, heavy cold” and proceeded to lecture through substantial stuffiness and it almost killed me dead and I learned exactly nothing during that particular lecture and I still think about it. He was super upfront about not feeling well and told us immediately and apologized in advance and it was somehow done with confidence and grace and he was just darling is all.

My beloved Special Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks is in there but honestly half of what I loved about Cooper was, I realized, my own personal headcanons for him in terms of illness. But his kindness and politeness and enduring sense of responsibility are things I loved drawing on and intersecting with when I wrote fanfic for him so many of those traits and those intersections have been carried into Cal.

There’s another couple friends I adore in there, and Cal's Indian identity draws extremely heavily on an ex-roommate and what he’s told me about the pressures of arranged relationships as it affected him personally. Also Jackie O. (who most of y’all haven't really met yet) is actually the name of that ex-roomie’s dog (who I never actually met but I heard so much about her that she made an impression). I told him I used her name for a fictional canine character and he was beyond pleased to hear it. (“You call her the whole thing right? Because the O. is important.” (Of course I do, the O. is crucial)).

My partner is also heavily featured in Cal. That one’s not purposeful. But I have to keep acknowledging to myself that many of Cal’s flaws are his, and I’m realizing as I write that part of what I’m doing is probably trying to better understand my partner, I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I reach some revelation. My partner is similarly difficult to pin down psychologically, I think maybe that’s part of what’s possessing me to examine Cal so thoroughly and why there are things about him that keep eluding me that other people I talk to about Cal actually sometimes seem better equipped to point out than I can. I dunno, sometimes I do something with Cal and I don’t consciously know what I’m getting at exactly I just know I’m getting at something.

Cal and Rafael’s struggles are unintentionally reflective of my partner’s and my own, in an arrangement where in some ways we’re each simultaneously both characters. Some of the Rafie stuff I just haven’t been able to write yet because it’s emotionally hard and hits very very close to home. I didn’t write myself into their story on purpose either. I didn’t even realize I did it until later, maybe because I just usually don’t look at my life from a top-down perspective that way so I’m kinda slow about it and I don’t think I realized how dire some stuff was until I wrote it in an obscured fictional context.

(Partner is currently out of town and after typing this out I sent him a text that said “Sometimes I think I write about you by accident” and proceeded to cry about that for a minute. We’re okay, I think, don’t worry 💕) Wow I got kind of off track there. Suffice to say Cal is profoundly loved and very important to me.

I really wanted a divorced character and neglected to fully realize if I got deep in exploring that relationship it’d be sad. It wasn’t the original plan to explore Cal/Rafie pre-divorce at all, actually. Hell, it wasn’t the original plan to follow any of these characters anywhere besides Cal’s main storyline but here I am a couple hundred pages later doing so. Rafael’s not really consciously drawing on any influences, but probably some unspecific amalgamation of Junot Diaz characters have made an impression.

Josephine is new to you guys, but the Cal/Josephine relationship is, in some ways purposely and in others not, drawn from an ex-friend I sorta fell in love with once a long time ago and still adore lots about in retrospect. A situation I could have handled better had I been older/more mature and now I’m kinda exploring that and I can tell another something whose thesis statement I don’t yet fully know is being uncovered here because every time I write their relationship it instantly becomes much longer than I’d intended and it gets ridiculously intimate from Cal’s perspective.

I’m breaking my own heart six ways to Sunday over here lmao.

On a lighter note.

Scotty is most consciously drawn from bits of my sister (the sex & love addiction aspect especially, I read her self-help books and use her as a bounce board for stuff with Scotty’s character development sometimes) and my irl best friend—who is impossibly cool—was a big influence on their non-binary identity and their radicalism and some of their speech mannerisms, but those are really the only direct connections I can tie because I feel like my experience with Scotty in my own life was a rotating cast of that extremely cool, slightly dangerous, alluring but A Lot person I always wished I knew better but was a little afraid of what would happen if I did.

and I gotta finish this damn story so y’all can properly meet Scotty. I have a ton of content I’ve written that I have to hide behind a sort of spoiler wall of two unfinished fics so I need to get on that.

[wadey-wilson]

I see you saw Captain Marvel. what's your opinion on the movie? i kinda liked it, but I feel like i haven't got a strong opinion yet :/

since i don’t know how to write reviews, i’ll just… here goes.

ok so, the movie wasn’t as bad as i expected it to be, and it necessarily wasn’t as Great as i wanted it to be. i say it wasn’t as bad because i always go to a theater with the half ‘how bad can it be’ and half ‘i hope it’ll be good’ kind of an attitude. 7/10 for me. i feel like upon rewatching it i’d give it a 7,5/10.

and now hear out my logic before you go after me or something, because i can explain, okay. it’ll be messy, so i’ll just… do it in points

- music - some of it worked, some of it didn’t. i felt like the need to be 90s-like overwhelmed the directors/producers, and some of the songs weren’t put in the moment they should’ve been, or were put in a wrong way (say, Come As You Are). but it worked for the most part, no big complaints on my side.

- editing - it worked for like 90% of the movie. sometimes the editing was so quick that i couldn’t tell what was going on. but even the badly edited moments are light years ahead from the TASM movies.

- the make up was just… amazing. the fact that the skrulls looked so good makes you wonder why fox got lazy on their make up with like one fucking person. mcu literally paints like half of their characters, even wade wilson in fox looks just wonderful, and then you have raven who looks more and more like shit with every movie she appears in.skrulls looked almost breathtaking, i was really amazed by the job the make up artists did, huge kudos to them. the fact that talos expressed his emotions so well under the prosthetic was just… wow. kree looked very good, the glowing on carol look very nice, and the cgi on nick fury was just freaking groundbreaking - at some point you just couldn’t believe this guy is like 70yo in real life. when the cgi is so good you don’t even notice it, then you know that the artist reached their goal.

- i liked the world building. i understood the cosmic stuff for the most part. i knew who, why, when, and what for. the movie had a lot to say in not so much time, yet it still kinda managed to no overwhelm me with the information.

- i adored the interactions. characters were playing off each other really well. the buddy cop relationship between carol and fury was undoubtedly one of the best parts of the movie.

- the pacing was great. some of the marvel movies or movies in general really feel like they want to be 8 hours long, and this movie doesn’t have that problem. you don’t really notice the time passing, the scenes don’t drag, there’s no focusing on such bullshit like obligatory/forced hetero relationships, too long conversations, or too long action scenes, and before you know it the movie ends - that’s how you know the pacing was fine. (compare it to AMATW and how it dragged. seriously, i needed breaks while watching ant-man and the wasp. i couldn’t sit and watch this whole movie. thank god i didn’t go to the cinema for that because i’d probably annoy everyone with pee breaks every 3 minutes. but that’s an opinion, don’t @ me, we can have different opinions about different movies and still live a good life.)

- i really, really enjoyed the way the movie mixed everything. you have the kree, you have skrulls, you have humans, shield, the air force, some flashbacks, and the movie doesn’t feel like a frankenstein kind of a creature. take TASM 2 for example where it feels like you’re watching 9 different movies put in 1 movie despite the action taking place in one freaking city. i felt like it was all tied together very well in captain marvel, and i think it may be because the main character took you on the journey and showed you everything from her perspective, and it worked.

- the humor was so good. you had to get used to carol’s snarky comments or how she brushes off everything with jokes, and then some dry-like kind of humor came in, and then some real humor came in, and even if some jokes didn’t land, it still felt like that person would actually say it.

- i like the twist with mar-vell [*‘everything has to be like in the comics’ people screeching in the background*]. i like how the skrull were done - i really, really felt for the skrulls (that moment when talos rubbed his face against his wife… my eyes watered.)

- goose the cat. that’s it. he won my heart.

- and as i mentioned before - the movie also undercuts these superhero-landing tropes - we’ve seen that before, it’s not so impressive anymore, AND we’re gonna see it dialled to 11 in endgame.

- now hear me out and don’t @ me - brie larson does not have the MCU-like charisma… YET. just yet. she’s on a good ground. you know she likes that role, it shows she likes that role, she wants to play it, she wants to be that character.

mcu charisma is what i like to call the kind of a vibe that the mcu actors give off when playing their roles. you know nobody could replace tony stark, you know nobody could play steve rogers the same way evans does, you watch tom holland and forget it’s tom holland, you see a peter parker, you look at rhodes and forget there’s an actor underneath. i didn’t feel that with brie larson just yet in like 1/3 of the movie. i could see her acting, see her having fun and knowing what she’d like to do.

and i’m NOT saying it’s her fault she doesn’t have that charisma yet. i think the fault’s in the writing and the directing. carol danvers did not have enough ‘me’ screentime. again, don’t @ me, i do not criticize the acting or the actress, or the movie. it’s about how her character was written into the story. because it felt just like that - she was written into the story, instead of the story being written around her, despite her being the main character. and it was a glaring problem that wasn’t really a problem you cared about - and that was because the lines delivery was great, the movie was funny, well-paced, well-acted, the action was good, the music for the most part was good, the cgi aged well. so you didn’t really notice that lack of ‘is she the charcter yet, has she become the character yet?’ thing.

but then again, i didn’t feel for steve rogers up until the end of the movie where he crashed the ship. i didn’t feel for thor in any other movies than the avengers, ragnarok, and then endgame. i still don’t feel for sam wilson EVEN THOUGH i like the character (he certainly has more depth than black widow in one movie than she has in all the movies, and it’s the writers’ fault, not scarlett’s). i have never felt for black widow - she has no character for me. she’s better now than she was in im2, but i still don’t like her as a character, and that is because i have… nothing… to like. she’s snarky and bland for me. and it’s a shame because then you see shuri or pepper potts, or okoye, or even aunt may and you can tell they have a lot of depth despite being given not so much time on the screen. and then natasha shows up and like, ugh. *spider-man noir voice* who are you again?

some of the mcu actors hit off with the character charisma the moment they show up on the screen, some of them take their time, and it’s ok. it’s absolutely ok for brie larson to not BE carol danvers yet.

we’re yet to see her in endgame and in other movies, so i’m more than certain she she’ll become a captain marvel.

i feel like she’ll kind of have this thor complex - boring (yet carol is way way way way better in her movie that thor was in thor 1 and 2, don’t @ me, i really don’t like thor 1 & 2) in the origin movie, but wackier and ultiple times more interesting as it goes on. she also has this stephen strange complex - she needs more characterization the way doctor strange did. strange was a prodigy in almost everything he did job-wise but was disconnected with his emotional side, and i kinda feel the same for carol danvers.

she will be good, i feel it, i believe in it, give her time. even though i liked her in the movie, she still lacks some depth. that’s not to say she has no depth, no, she has a lot of it. she just hasn’t been able to show it yet.

overall, given that it was a first movie with such huge budget for those indie movie directors, i think they managed. yes, the movie is a bit scattered, and it lacks a bit of depth, but it ties into the mcu very well, it’s entertaining, the humor is good, and the action is good.

7/10. lighthearted and entertaining, even if a bit choppy. we can discuss.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

In a previous ask you listed Stefan as one of your favorite characters and I wonder what makes him one of your favorite characters? What makes your drawn to him and root for him? A lot of people say his character is boring, but I disagree, though I've only seen the first 3 seasons so I might not have right to an opinion as I haven't watched the later seasons.... but I love Stefan and I absolutely adore Paul and I think he's very good at portraying his character and the different sides of him etc

Of course you have the right to have an opinion. Even if you’d only watched one episode, you still have the right to have an opinion. I’m more than happy to share with you why I love Stefan, but a little pre-warning there will be spoilers from seasons 3-8 and also my response will be pretty hefty, which I’m sure you’ll be expecting if you’ve read any of my other responses to asks haha.

When I think about what makes Stefan one of my favourite characters there are so many reasons that I couldn’t just choose one. But a good place to start would be to say, the simplest reason is that I’m just connected to him and once you develop that connection with a character it’s hard to break it.

Other than that, the reason I love Stefan is because he’s just such a complex character. He’s actually so complex, that the writers themselves haven’t seemed to know what to do with him a points throughout the course of the show. Paul’s abilities as an actor are fantastic and the fact that he is able to so perfectly portray Stefan and the Ripper and make them feel like two separate people that are also interlinked is amazing. Honestly, I only have to see a gif and I instantly know whether Stefan has his humanity or not based on Paul’s expressions, eyes and body language. It’s really incredible how he manages to do that. And I don’t want to reveal any spoilers, but in season 5 Paul demonstrates his acting abilities even further.

It frustrates me to no end that people brand Stefan as being boring. It’s such a narrow-minded and stereotypical view of his character. I understand where it comes from since in seasons 1 and 2, he was that typical good guy, always doing the right thing. As Matt said, Stefan’s “that guy”, as in the guy that’s so perfect that everyone hates him. But I don’t understand how anyone that actually watched the show (past season 3 in particular) can have that opinion of him. The truth of the matter is that Stefan in season 1 was only half of himself, if that. He was still so caught up in the baggage of his past, so consumed with staying “clean” and managing his blood lust, of not giving into his dark urges as a vampire, that it forced him to strip himself back completely. He spoke softer, he carried himself in a particular way, he forced smiles, he tried his hardest to be an ordinary 17 year old, but in reality he was anything but. Regardless of how you look at it, a lot of the time in season 1, Stefan wasn’t himself. We got to see more of a glimpse of the other side to him towards the end, when he struggled with his blood lust after Elena gave him her blood to save him in 1x18. This is where we really saw that Stefan wasn’t “that guy” and that he was just like everybody else - he had his issues, he lost control and he wasn’t perfect. The thing that struck me the most during those episodes when Stefan was struggling with his blood lust, was that he was torn between that part of him that really just wanted to let go and drain the blood from everyone in sight and the part of him that was desperately clinging to the person he wanted to be and was deep down inside. The fact that he told Elena at the end of 1x19 how much he was struggling really highlighted that. Stefan really opened the flood gates in 1x20 when we finally learned the story of how he and Damon came to be vampires and he explained to Elena how he truly felt; the crippling guilt he carries all the time and the pain that goes along with it that was so intense that it actually made him not want to live anymore. That’s the point where we started to get a glimpse of the experiences that had led Stefan to where he was and formed the person he was. We saw that he’d done terrible things in his past and he was a monster, but the fact that he felt genuine remorse and pain for that proved he was more than that and as Elena said, he made a choice to be good and reject the person the blood made him. How can you not root for someone like that? Someone that is not naturally good, but nonetheless fights their damn hardest to be the best they can be?

What I also love about Stefan is that, as you mentioned, there are so many different sides to him. Obviously the first thing that comes to mind when I say that is Stefan and the Ripper, but it’s not limited to just that. I think perhaps a more accurate way to describe him is to say that he’s very multi-layered, rather than saying he has different sides to him. With each episode that passed I caught a glimpse of a trait of his that I’d never seen before or I learned more about his past. There’s always something new to learn about Stefan and even 8 seasons on, there still is. Whilst in the earliest episodes he came across as rather boring and lacking in personality or substance, with the appearance of Lexi in 1x08 we were opened up to a completely different side to him. Suddenly he was a really fun guy with good taste in music (Bon Jovi, duh!), that, in Lexi’s words, jumped naked into the Trevi fountain and got drunk on the torch of the statue of Liberty. We got to see him relax, loosen up and show his lighter side and we discovered that him being uptight is just because he’s not fully comfortable around people he doesn’t know too well. Is that a crime? In fact, I’d argue most people suffer from the same problem and struggle to be themselves around new people. Personally, this made Stefan very relatable and that’s one of the first steps in me connecting to a character. Stefan is also deeply sensitive, he really feels things and is affected by the pain of other people. He can’t help but get emotionally invested and involved in other people’s problems and it’s the reason why he’s always stepping in to save people and help them in anyway he can. His journal has always been his way of being able to channel those emotions and express his inner turmoil at carrying the weight of not just his own feelings, but those of the people around him and yet again, all of this is something I personally relate to, because I’m exactly the same.

I know that along with being branded as boring, Stefan has also earned the title of “good guy”, which is kind of directly tied to being boring. That guy that’s always the hero, always doing the right thing and is just and fair is generally boring because people want the anti-hero, the villain that they can root for to earn their redemption. The thing is, calling Stefan the good guy is as narrow minded as calling him boring, because he is certainly not the good guy. He has maimed, tortured, killed and feasted upon countless of innocent people all for his own amusement and I believe there’s a deep part of Stefan that is truly evil. The proof we have of that is how drastically different Stefan is whenever he is without his humanity. With characters such as Damon and even Caroline, let’s be honest, there was barely any difference when they didn’t have there humanity and with Damon in particular, I actually couldn’t tell you at what points during the series he had his humanity and the points that he didn’t. However, when it comes to Stefan, boy, you know it. Without his humanity, he is utterly ruthless, there is no limit on what he’ll do, nothing that’s too far or too much, he just does whatever the hell he wants. His eyes, his mannerisms, his behaviour, his actions, the things he says, everything about him is different when he doesn’t have his humanity. Watching Stefan in season 3 was the first time I really took notice of him and was like, “Whoa, this guy!” Seeing that dramatic turn in his character was intriguing and honestly made me fall in love with Stefan in a completely new way. But what was fascinating about Stefan in season 3 is that no matter how far he fell into that black hole of darkness, he never stopped clinging to that humanity, deep inside himself and that is who Stefan truly is. That’s his heart and soul. The darkness in him is essentially created solely from his vampirism. That’s what’s so strange about him, too, is that I actually genuinely don’t perceive his darker side to be a part of his true self. I think that if you dig right into the center of Stefan and get to his soul, he is truly good and pure. All of his issues come from being a vampire. Think about it. As a human Stefan was pretty happy - he was the apple of his father’s eye, his mother doted on him (before she “died”), he had a good relationship with his big brother, he lived a wealthy lifestyle and when we saw flashbacks of Stefan as a human he always struck me as being pretty contented. The start of Stefan’s issues were when he accidentally killed his dad and took those first few drops of blood. From there it spiralled and once he’d made Damon turn and Damon completely turned against him, the dark side of Stefan was born. I personally have always believed that the Ripper was created because of Stefan’s issues with Damon. He lost his mother, killed his father, was responsible for Katherine’s “death” and Damon was the only person he had left in the world. All that kept him going was the thought of spending eternity with his brother and once he realised that he’d messed up and Damon hated him, it broke him. The only way he knew to deal with that pain and loneliness and devastation was to turn it off and lose himself in the blood. And those impulses have never left him, it’s become almost a learned behaviour for him now. He feels pain and his immediate reaction is to feed to numb the pain. It’s his coping mechanism. But I’d argue that unlike a lot of Stefan stans, that Stefan doesn’t have an addictive personality. If he was human or had always been human I don’t believe he would be an addict. His need for blood was created from being a vampire and the events that led to it and the consequences too. 

Another reason I love Stefan, which is actually one of the simpler ones: have you seen how he treats Elena? How he treats Caroline? How he treats Bonnie? How he treats everyone? (x) (x) Stefan is a gentleman. He’s sweet, he’s kind and he’s sincere. From the second he came onto the show in season 1 he had an overbearing desire to protect everyone. Even though it was Damon that turned Vicki, Stefan took full responsibility for her and dedicated himself to trying to help her deal with the transition, he supported Caroline through her transition and without him she really wouldn’t have made it, he forgave Katherine for the trauma she put him through for 160 years and gave her peace in her final moments, he teamed up with Rebekah and promised to help her find the cure despite her being his enemy, he saved Damon multiple times despite the fact Damon had made his life a living hell, he stepped aside from the love of his life to let his brother be happy, he forgave his mother for abandoning him and pretending to be dead for over a century. The list could continue, but the point is Stefan is a forgiving, compassionate person that constantly shows how much of a decent and strong person he is through the selflessness and mercy he shows, even to his enemies. These are the traits that make a person strong and Stefan has all of them. 

Every time I look at him, I just can’t help but wish the best for him, because he deserves it so much. I’ve seen him sacrifice so much and he’s never really got the rewards or benefits and he’s never begrudged that or even complained. He keeps trying to move forward and I also love that despite the fact that he comes across as a rather brooding and depressive character, he is actually so filled with hope. No matter what happens to him, he never gives up, he simply looks at what’s happened and finds a way to deal with it. And I hate making comparisons, but I feel it’s relevant to make this point. Unlike Damon, Stefan actually rarely (if ever) flies off the handle when he’s upset or angry (unless he has no humanity). I mean, Elena dumped him and slept with Damon within 24 hours, then they both lied to him about being together and do you know what he did? He threw a chessboard across the room. In season 5 when he was dealing with PTSD after being locked in a safe and drowning over and over for months and was still struggling to deal with his break-up with Elena, he kept it all inside and dealt with it by letting Caroline and Katherine help him. He didn’t blame anyone else or result to violent or reckless behaviour, he pushed through and attempted to deal with it in a healthy way without being a burden on anyone else. And that is who Stefan is. He never asks for anything, he never wants pity or sympathy or credit, he just does what he has to, what he’s supposed to and that’s it.

I could really go on all day about why I love Stefan, but the best way to summarise it is that he’s just a loveable character to me in every single way. He has so much to offer and despite the writers failing on knowing what to do with such a fantastic character, their poor writing still can’t take away from the complexity of his character and I really praise Paul for managing to convey that, even as the seasons have progressed. 

From the beginning the story was narrated as being Stefan’s story and he was the one that drew me in. He’s the vampire I was intrigued to know, his history was the one I watched for and his relationships and development were what I wanted to see and that has never really changed. Stefan is the heart and soul of the show (along with Elena) and it wouldn’t be the same without him. And whilst I have the chance, I want to argue the point, that although Damon has the reputation for being the funny brother, Stefan is actually very funny (x) (x). Damon might have his snappy one liners, but Stefan’s snarky comments and sass is so much more subtle, and in my opinion, funnier. Just thought I’d throw that out there as a final point haha.