#I think the vice versa brain rot has set in already

[lesbiansanemi]

top 5 kny characters and/or top 5 of ur own fics 👀👀

*vibrates* Absolutely yes okay! (The top 5 kny characters ended up going beneath the cut because... oh boy.... that got long haha)

My personal favorite top 5 of my own fics!

everyone bleeds red: This is my complete role swap AU, with all the slayers as demons, and vice versa! I love this series so much, even if it is just getting started (I say as if it's not already like 140K words, I don't wanna talk about it). It's giving me the opportunity to work with quite literally every single character in kny, and do a lot of fascinating deep dives into their characters and what really makes them tick. Not to mention, it's just really fun coming up with all the inverses and parallels to canon here, switching things around just enough to be different, but so that everyone and all the events are still easily recognizable. Plus! All the different relationships I get to explore here are a ton of fun. Not just the romantic ones, but a lot of platonic and familial relationships I've always wanted to explore but haven't necessarily had the chance to in other fics I've written

last sunrise: I honestly never expected this fic to do as well as it did when I first started writing it, or for it to become as important to me as it did. The such bleak circumstances and conflicts of it, all the gray morality of quite literally every character involved, was such a delight to work with. And it all culminating in Kyojuro and Akaza learning to live again and be okay with themselves was really important to me. I'm glad it's my most popular fic on ao3 now, I don't think I would have picked a different one

wind-blown lilies: There is a deep dive into my Sanemi brain rot in the kny characters part of this answer, so I won't go too in depth here. This fic is honestly just one giant deep dive into Sanemi's character, an excuse to go over all the nitty gritty details. Not to mention, use it as an outlet to explore my own feelings, as Sanemi's background, coping mechanisms, and even personality are scarily similar to my own. Plus this fic gets the eldest daughter syndrome and queer themes that are being explored as well? Fucking heroin for me to work on, let me tell you. It's definitely a fic that is near and dear to my heart

a chance in hell: Listen... listen.... I know I have not touched this fic in well over a year, and haven't engaged with Blue Exorcist in even longer, but this fic.... Never mind that I just love the set up of Blue Exorcist, and Rin so damn much, it is like the best fucking series to go into religious trauma, and the exact kind of mindsets and beliefs you can fall into when you've been raised in and indoctrinated into Christian beliefs. This fic is such a good outlet for it, and I think has some of my favorite character work (both in individual development and relationships) that I've ever done. And yeah... Rin's demonic nature was def being used as a metaphor for growing up queer in the church, like I'm not even subtle about it. God, I really need to get back to this fic and try and update it soon

Okay, okay, so, I know this is kinda cheating and a little bit of a cop out, but it's true. So. The fun (not so little) Renkaza one-shot that I've been feverishly working on for a couple weeks now. It's officially gone over 14K but the end is... maybe in sight? Haha, who's to say really, but I'm obsessed with this fic, and think I've really pushed Akaza and Kyojuro's dynamic to a new brink in this fic, and I'm so excited to finally get to share it (hopefully) soon. It's been jokingly and lovingly referred to as "the teef fic" by me and the friend that is beta-ing it for me and helped me develop a lot of it, and yeah. It has everything you could ever want in it. Desperate pining, forbidden love, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, blood and biting kink, religious imagery. It's very self indulgent, and I hope when I get it posted everyone else will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed working on it :D

Top 5 kny characters!

5. Nakime: Okay so like. I know. I know most of her depth is supplemental. But I love her, okay? No legitimately, I think her backstory is one of the most metal out of all the demons (we stand a queen for killing her shitty abusive husband and then becoming a serial killer). She's just the right amount of sympathetic and fucked up where so many of the best demon characters thrived. Beyond that, her design is super fun. She's beautiful, I love her hair over her face, and her one giant eyeball is a lot of fun. And her Blood Demon Art? It's definitely my favorite one in the whole series, and is so scarily powerful. If Muzan had utilized her the correct way during the Infinity Castle Arc, the Corps never would have stood a chance, and I will stand by that forever and always. She's just such a cool character, and she deserved way more respect and attention, not just in the series itself, but also from fans

4. Tamayo: I adore quite literally everything about Tamayo. Her entire backstory, from killing and eating her family, to becoming Muzan's right hand, to eventually turning on him and vowing to kill him no matter what it took? Yeah.... Yeah, we love women motivated by revenge and doing whatever it takes to get it. I also enjoy that the series presented us with a demure, level-headed character at first glance, but the further you go, the more the reader realizes how absolutely insane and metal Tamayo is. Aside from that, how fucking smart she was? She was able to force mutations in demons so that they didn't need to eat humans to live, something no one else could do, and that was without access to the blue spider lily. Not to mention all the drugs she made that were used on Muzan during the final battle. I just... I really love her a lot.

(Disclaimer, 1-3 are all interchangeable, like you cannot ask me to pick a favorite among them)

3. Sanemi: I just think Sanemi is a really neat (and much needed) exploration of the uglier sides of trauma and its effects. Specifically, having a "hero" display those traits. Like obviously Sanemi is one of the "good guys." He's a Hashira, on the side of humanity, fights demons, etc etc. But the series frames him as antagonistic for... good reason haha. At first, it's just his treatment of Nezuko. And then we learn his backstory, everything he went through. His abusive father, having to work to help his mother support six fucking kids, then his mother becoming a demon and killing them, him having to kill her in self defense... His treatment of Nezuko suddenly makes a lot of sense. How could he not hate her? How could he not hate the idea of her? He has to believe demons are all fundamentally monsters who will devour anyone they can, because if that's not true... what did that mean about his mother? Did he have to kill her? Didn't she love him and his siblings? It's a miserable can of worms for him. But just as it seems like he might become more sympathetic, we see his abuse of Genya, physical, verbal, and emotional. The last family he has left, and he threatens to kill Genya for being in the Corps, and the reader is lead to believe it's because he hates Genya for what Genya said to him in the wake of their mother's death. It isn't until Genya is on his deathbed that we learn it was a desperate ploy to chase Genya out of the Corps so he could live a good, normal life, a safe life. Sanemi put his brother through hell to "protect" him, because it was genuinely the only thing he could think of, all he could consider, given how violent his entire life has been. Sanemi is a failure of a big brother, of a protector. He's been telling himself this since the day his siblings and mother died, and it's only reinforced with the death of his last brother. A death that was caused, partially, due to his own actions, as if he had just had a genuine conversation with Genya, this all might have been avoided. He's just... He's just such a good tragic character, and I love him for showing an ugly side of how generational and family trauma can manifest and affect someone. He means a lot to me.

2. Shinobu: Surprising absolutely no one, we have Shinobu. Shinobu is just like. the Ultimate woman to me. I adore characters that are absolutely dogged and ruthless in their pursuit of revenge, and truly no one encapsulates that trope better than Shinobu. The perfect embodiment of "I can't win, but you can lose." Shinobu turning herself into gift-wrapped poison for Douma was one of the most metal acts of all time. She knew that this man would never be able to resist eating her, so she planned to kill him after her own death, with her own death. And it's just so??? Fucking cool. But even aside from all of that, her characterization is honestly fascinating. The veneer she puts on for quite literally every character to see other than Douma, the mask of Kanae. Posing the question of is Shinobu truly kind and optimistic because that's how she presents herself and tries so hard to live, or is it really all a lie because she believes it to be herself, and is only behaving this way to honor her dead sister? She tries so desperately to emulate the kindness of Kanae, but it's obvious her brutality, hate, and anger are still win out more often than not. Not just in her so meticulously plotting out her own suicide, but in how her actions contradict so many of her pretty words. Kanae wanted to be friends with demons, wanted a world where their could live in peace, and Shinobu claims to want that as well, but she says she needs to torture demons before they're allowed to be forgiven, she tries to stab Giyuu in the fucking face for daring to defend a demon. In fact, she is so unable to let go of her rage and hate that she knowingly puts Kanao through the exact same trauma that caused Shinobu to become this. She makes Kanao watch the death of her big sister, and to the same demon, no less. All for the sake of revenge. God, I just love her so goddamn much, she is such a fascinating character with so many layers, and I think is another really good example of a character just perpetuating the cycle of violence that hurt them, despite fighting so hard for a better world, and claiming all their actions are for that.

(The Shinobu and Sanemi parallels are actually fucking insane btw and not enough ppl focus on it to instead focus on Sanemi's relationship with Kanae but that's a whole different topic)

1.Akaza: I mean this isn't a surprise to anyone lmao. Of course Akaza was going to be on this list. He's one of the best written characters in the whole series, definitely the best written villain imo. He's also one of the most tragic characters in the whole series, which is one hell of an accomplishment since kny is quite literally the "tragic character series." Even his character design was created so meticulously, every single piece of it connected to his past and motivations. (Recently, I realized that the prayer beads he wears around his ankles were likely a reference to the cuffs of fur around a komainu's ankles! They're the same color as the fur in a lot of art, and a reference to the komainu kanji in his name!!! Like damn!! Every day I pick up on more little nuances about him!!!). Not only is his backstory perfectly crafted to be a gut wrenching tragedy, but his existence as a demon is somehow even more miserable, perhaps because he doesn't even realize it! Hakuji, who only ever wanted to care and provide for and protect those that he loved. Hakuji, whose father hanged himself because he didn't want his son to throw his life away for him, stealing to try and keep him alive. Hakuji, a branded criminal, who against all odds, found a new family to love him and a good life, just like his father wanted. Hakuji, who blames himself for Koyuki and Keizo's deaths because they never would have been poisoned were it not for their attachment to and love for him. Hakuji, who was going to kill himself after avenging them by killing those 67 men. Akaza, not remembering any of it, but being so fixated on getting stronger, sneering at the weak, because weak people do things like poison wells when they can't win in a fair fight. His tattoos, his criminal markings, changing to cover his entire body and face, new brands to match his new crimes, all the deaths he was responsible for. His Blood Demon Art being a snowflake, a symbol of Koyuki and his love for her despite not remembering her. All for it to culminate with Akaza eventually killing himself once he remembered because what other end was there for him? His sad, pathetic, pointless life? God. God. He makes me so fucking insane. So insane. He drove himself to insanity for centuries and didn't even realize it, fighting to protect someone who was already gone. I'm gonna fucking lose it. He's everything to me !!!!!!

(So sorry, the Akaza brain rot is so real)

Ty for asking! Sorry this got fucking gigantic omg

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Watching the 'Inside Vice Versa' videos and feeling very called out...

Why yes...you betcha I am.

And also...for those or you who read my long-ass post about ep 1, here's yet another example of what I think are the four main/important colours together in the clothes on the bed: red and blue, and yellow and green. 👀

Anyway, is it Saturday yet?

[gryffindorkxdraws]

Want to start off by saying that I love your mind! I was hoping to get your opinion on: what is it in jackunzel that makes it feel so right?

EDIT: changed a few things ehe

ngl i found this challenging cus it made me think of how the answer would vary per person (yeah i went there idk why sdjkknds) so lemme get logical for a sec here haha

what exactly is the definition of “feel right”? 

to make someone feel relaxed and comfortable, as merriam-webster states

simple as that, right? but wait there’s more

what makes something/someone go under that category? 

now from there it expands because there are so many ways of answering that with everyone having different opinions and mindsets.

fair warning before we push on, this is going to get messy (like a word vomit) with how i’m just going to pour out everything i can think off, but just know i really like this question hence the, uh, mess? lmao

so back to your question, what is it in jackunzel that makes it feel so right?

in one POV, it could be because of how rapunzel and jack represent the sun and the moon respectively, making them two contrasting sides who shouldn’t collide and yet, against all odds and opposing forces that would come between them, they did. 

and we can bet on the fact that they fought hard/struggled for it, depending on how fanfic writers play with it (reminds of this sun/moon au that sold me to this trope lmao).

just because others said it’s impossible or it’s against whatever, why should they listen to the “norm?” what even is considered “normal,” when the two can explore so much more of what they could be missing from life after stepping out of others’ shadows?

i just love sun/moon dynamics. i’m obsessed lmao i read the ones below somewhere and idk where but it’s been living in my head rent free and i can’t escape it tho feel free to correct me about any of these symbol topic!

like the Sun, thoughtful and full of energy to share with everyone, is connected with one’s self and known to, yeah, radiate warmth or light. it also symbolizes firmness, strength and power. oh and life too i guess?

while the Moon, subtle but full of mysteries and wonders, can also get emotional and sway others to be more nurturing. cus like it also symbolizes calmness, beauty, and nurture. plus eternity and enlightenment?

the list goes on if we head into more of what it both symbolize, but when these two celestial bodies get together, masculine and feminine energies unite. the Sun gives out life, while the Moon cultivates it.

i have no idea where i’m going but moving on

maybe it’s that taste of rebellion with going against the authorities/society/rules/of what has always been set to find out who they’re meant to be or, y’know, finding their identity without the shackles of others (like jack learning he has the potential to be a guardian and embracing it in his own time, and rapunzel realizing she’s the lost princess and works hard to be a good one), 

or there’s something about the mystery that follows the other because they’ve never met anyone quite like them (like exploring a world they’ve never set foot on), 

or finding all the good and bad in each other and in their differences, but still loving the other for who they are, 

or what one lacks the other makes up for it and vice versa. with or without them realizing they can help each other grow to be a better version of themselves.

opposites attract who are bound to be full of surprises.

but on the contrary, they could also be two peas of a pod. aight this definitely goes against what i said above with all the opposites and stuff, but hear me out.

while they grew up and learned how to cope with life differently, they somehow still share the same sentiments when it comes to, for example, reaching their goals. 

they have their own way to go about it, sure, but my point is they can reach a common ground better together compared when they’re with others.

like rapunzel with the lanterns, and jack with his memories. at first, one hesitated and wavered, while the other disagreed and pulled away. it was only after they saw a chance/realized this was it that they agreed in a heartbeat

they ultimately made the choice of diving in head first regardless of their initial thoughts in the first place. kinda like the moment they realized they can be a step closer to what they’ve been yearning for their whole life 

bam, out of the way, they’re coming through lmao

not only that, but they can also be soft, gentle, understanding despite rapunzel’s spontaneuosness and jack’s mischievousness. we’ve seen them interacting with children and they’re so good at lifting their spirits up to have some fun and that there will always be a tomorrow.

and with their peers too. rapunzel lights up even the darkest of rooms, may it be like fireworks to bring joy or a campfire to warm one’s heart. jack meanwhile keeps things light when everyone else feels tense, easing others to relax and remember there’s always a way out

don’t forget the way they both sacrifice themselves for who they care for. like, they just do that, putting others first before them. that scene of saving eugene and baby tooth aaahhhhdjhdskdjkbkfjdkjf

and when everything comes crashing down and the world feels heavy on their shoulders, they both know they’re not alone with the other there for them.

maybe it’s the mutual understanding they have for each other after opening up, and finding a friend/partner/home through the connection they made together,

or they could be a push and pull that leads them to showing an unexpected side of the other, but in reality they always had it in them and all they needed was someone to show the way,

or how they complement each other, but they’re not two halves of a whole, no, rather they’re already whole themselves and they only reminded each other that they are,

or it’s simply because they don’t feel the need to put up walls or anything of the likes, because they know that no matter what they’ll be accepted for who they are.

opposites who have so much more in common than they originally thought

in another POV it could be because of how they give such partners in crime vibe. lowkey or highkey, take your pick. nothing would stop them from moving forward to a new tomorrow, or honestly whatever it is they put their minds to. 

and i am here for that

like i said in one of my posts, “They were a magnet for trouble, with the Sun being a free-spirited and vivacious fellow, and with the Moon’s knack for mischief and being a rebel without cause.” 

while both are adventurous, ready to explore whatever is out there, all the while just wanting to have some fun, they still balance each other out.

with jack usually ready to do what he needs/wants to do (which helps rapunzel to trust her gut and take the risk. that he’ll be there for her whenever she’s ready to step out of her comfort zone and jump away from her tower)

and with rapunzel knowing how to handle sticky situations properly (which reminds jack that not everything has to be done harshly and abruptly. that while freezing someone could be fun, it won’t solve things in the long run)

am i making sense? idek but you’re stuck with me lol but before i forget and i can’t believe i just remembered now. the way they can help fill in on what the other is missing 

rapunzel wants to see the world, what goes out there, with the people, society, and history i feel. and jack can take her to wherever she wants to go. hell, he’ll even surprise her and bring her to places he’d think she’ll like.

with his experiences, he’s bound to have an endless list of plans for them to go through and it’s no surprise that she’ll love it, and (him) his gesture, nonetheless

jack wants to be noticed by others, to be seen and heard for who he is. and rapunzel is such a welcoming person that she accepts him wholeheartedly. give him the love he was deprived of for years. 

reassure him that even he has a place to call home because why would he be excluded from that? he deserves it just as much as she and everyone else does

also i like to think they brainstorm ideas together

maybe it’s how they’re both game for an adventure, sudden or not, and this makes it easy for them to team up together and take on the world

or the feeling of familiarity as they click and everything flows naturally to them, where nothing is forced or uncomfortable between them

or how it’s like they can hold on to each other, knowing the other won’t let go no matter what because they’ll always have each other through the ups and downs

or it’s in their shared smiles, mischievous sparks in their eyes, moving together to the music of their synchronized heartbeats, as they step forward to the vast unknown

finding the ‘one’ who understands them inside out that they feel at home with them

i’ve said so many things and threw out so many brain rot, but what exactly is my final answer? 

it’s simple: who knows? now before you toss me aside, and i hope not lmao, lemme just say even with that kind of final verdict, you can still find beauty in it. 

you see, there’s so much more to explore and delve into with jackunzel because of their potential, that i don’t want to make a set answer for your question. i’d rather much help you, and anyone else wondering, to come to an answer yourself and maybe even share/discuss it with others.

i’m running out of brain juice, but i at least hope this helped satisfy your curiosity behind your question since this is all i can give… for now, maybe? who knows lmao 

tho i’ll be honest and admit i based these on how i feel about jackunzel. so if ever someone else out there wants to add more points they thought of, feel free to add on this

[mallowstep]

daisy in “ashes”

or, nonspecifically, what are cats like goldenflower, ferncloud, and daisy getting up to, anyway?

this is tied to my thoughts on medicinery, so if you’re not caught up, a summary: med cats now only spend about 50% of their time doing “medicine” and it’s more osteopathic than in the books.

[1.7k words, 6 minute read]

daisy's kin (i just finished it)

so i just finished daisy's kin and 😗👌 am i happy with it.

i've always been exploring this, like, i'm lowkey obsessed with developing the role of the nursery queen, and...i don't know what i expected, but this was nice to read.

it was good both that thunderclan valued her and hnnng it was so good.

obsessed, i'm obsessed.

but curiously enough, i'm going to refrain from focusing (too much) on the story part of it. i just, this quote stands in my mind

That is important work.

snow, in response to daisy telling her about her role in thunderclan.

like, (a) it is, and it feels so good to read a book acknowledging that, and (b) it is, and i'm really happy that everyone agrees.

so anyway, i feel like the latest warriors release was tapped in to my brain.

first, it had all of this stuff that happens in mtbnsof (squirrelstar, if you don't read my fic/can't keep track of acronyms, which, understandable), or is going to happen in mtbnsof.

i kind of spoiled a lot of stuff in my book notes, but i'm not doing that again, so moving on.

anyway, i wasn't really excited for daisy's kin and spotfur's rebellion, i just wanted the blackfoot novella.

but damn, i was wrong.

i felt like someone had a line into my brain because daisy's life is exactly what i wanted it to be.

i'm going to talk about that in a moment i just really don't want to understate how fantastic it is to see a warriors novella expand and develop these ideas. i strongly urge you to read daisy's kin if you haven't already. it's really, really good. i'm being deliberately vague about the plot to encourage you to read it.

i think this might go as far as repairing the hole in my heart from "leafpool's wish." i don't think there's anything that can fix the brain rot (although the line in SFR, where she's like "adoption is valid," is close), but the hole? that's healing because of daisy's kin.

and y'all already know how much i hate leafpool's wish.

chapter five: advent

so if you don't read my fic "ashes," chapter five (advent) was published april 10th, and the basic summary is it's the first 3 months of holly/jay/lion's life.

it's a chapter i like, we're going to do a quick breakdown. there are spoilers for this chapter, and also probably the future of the fic. depending on when i actually publish this essay, they may or may not have been covered, so read at your own risk.

so the basic summary of advent is this:

ashfur meets his children

daisy apologizes for not supporting squilf

ashfur announces his children to thunderclan

sandstorm offers motherly advice

squilf has a moment where she's like "i'm not ready for this but you are my whole world

cool.

anyway, daisy has this line that i like:

But Leafpool's young, and she's not a queen. I understand.

she's talking to squilf and is kind of..."i'm here for you."

the implication is that leafpool's job doesn't really extend to kits, past their physical well-being.

and later on, daisy (and ferncloud) are the cats squilf leans on. she's the one who provides a lot of support over jaykit, especially when they're all arguing all the time about it.

she's also a support to the kits. they would all die for her.

daisy gives advice about how well jaykit is growing and reassures squilf it's okay to be kind of bored when they're little and sleeping all the time.

she also has this moment:

"Oh, hush," Daisy said, "I'm just proud she knows so many words."

where hollykit says bb curse and daisy is like "ah yes my daughter! she's so smart!"

anyway, daisy is just...

when hollypaw doesn't know what she wants, she's going to ask daisy for advice. she's a neutral party: squirrelflight is her mother, but daisy is in a not-quite-mother role.

she's the one who notices when leafpool is With Kits. that's her job.

she really does take it as a failure that she didn't notice what was going on with squilf. in the clan, her role is to stop that from happening. i mean, no one really blames her because squilf's kits were early and leafpool was there but...it was 100% her job to not have that happen.

if something had gone wrong, she would have taken it even harder.

(also, ferncloud usually also serves this role, but she has her own litter right now, so that's consuming a fair amount of her time/energy.)

kinship (kind of)

okay, well.

i've been talking about kinship more and more lately.

it's because i'm working on "wing & feather" (aka the jaywing au where dove and jay are siblings), and kinship is a somewhat big deal there.

so anyway, first: my usual preemptive vocabulary lesson:

sraue

litter, littermates.

maach

blood-family unit, sibling (by blood)

maara

den-family unit, denmates (going over this another time)

rru

mother, mother's sister.

rruha

denmother (queen who nursed at same time, or nursery queen)

there, not so bad.

right, so i'm doing a full breakdown of kinship elsewhere, because while the maach side is fairly simple, the maara side is...there are just different rules. they're not more complicated, but they're a second set of rules.

(and then you can have situations where, say, in w&f, by maach, jay and dove are maach with squilf and leaf, but by maara, squilf is rruha to them.)

see so it's complicated.

but we're honing in on rruha for this.

rruha is a term referring basically to any queen who could have nursed you.

using ashes, daisy, ferncloud, and squilf as an example:

if squilf's milk didn't come in (as per canon), fern would have nursed HJL, so ferncloud is rruha to them. (she's also got a maach relationship, but rruha supersedes that.)

similarly, squilf could have nursed fox and ice, so she's rruha to them. (unlike with HJL, she doesn't have a maach relationship to them, because she's not related to ferncloud. the more you know.)

daisy could have nursed either litter (hypothetically? it's a little complicated and the cat bio section is later on), so she's rruha to both.

this relationship is one of the highest ones on the influence later. the maternal relationship (rru) is the only clear trump card. the paternal relationship (seya) can be more important, but it depends on the father.

(the littermate and denmate relationships are also very important, but in a different way.)

so, daisy is somewhere between a grandmother and a mother to pretty much every cat in thunderclan.

god bless you if you ever try to hurt her, because that's a lot of cats who would not let that happen.

queens

alright, so. the crux of it all.

what is the role of a (life-long) queen?

to nurture queens and kits.

it's that simple.

it's just a very important job.

i imagine they train each other, too. goldenflower offered advice and teachings to ferncloud, and ferncloud brought experience of clan life to daisy, and vice versa.

i hope someone takes up residence of the nursery with daisy, because otherwise that's a lot of leadership to just break up.

(as an aside, seriously, this is out of nowhere: i'm still thinking about moonflower's death. it has to be the saddest death in warriors, for me. i think because she's such a mother figure: soft and hazy and kind, and she dies. and she's...you know, you barely thought of her as a warrior. bluepaw still sees her only as mother and then she dies, dies in a raid that you know was questionable, and it hurts so much. moonflower might be the only warriors death i cried over. because it pulled at this raw, primal place of grief and loss.)

cat biology (naturally)

you know, i made this header, but i don't actually remember what i had to say?

huh.

well. there's a nonzero chance i remember later so...

yep remembered.

okay so y'all know. i have fucked over my google for you searching info about cat lactation.

someone better care about this.

okay so.

best i can tell, cats will lactate with kits around, pregnant or not. it helps to be around pregnant queens, but a cat like daisy should have no trouble providing milk for kits where necessary.

now, based on what i know about this (which is more than i want to talk about lest someone accuse me of...eh yeah), this won't be perfect for newborn kits, but it'll keep them alive.

the problem is it's not necessarily going to be instant.

what i'm saying is, the troubles in daisy's kin are valid, considering the nursery is empty.

the long night

okay so i've talked about the long night/"whatever is done only by me" enough and i don't feel like explaining it again.

but basically, it's daisy's job to stop that from happening.

daisy (again, using daisy as a filler for "queens like daisy") is supposed to check in on queens, make sure they're safe, support them.

she will drop kick anyone out of the nursery who threatens that.

and you don't want to mess with daisy because it won't be one drop kick so much as the entirety of the junior warriors.

this is the most important part of daisy's job. crisis de-escalation. tree has nothing on queens.

notes and touches

uh, let's see...oh fuck! going to edit something.

okay anyway.

i'm very sad they let daisy sleep alone in the nursery D:

cats are highly social she didn't deserve that

[crossbowking]

I’m Right Here

PROMPT : “I think you broke my fucking nose!”

SUMMARY : (Set in the beginning of season 3) You and Daryl are out on a run attempting to find supplies for the group, when you come face to face with an unlikely threat.

WORD COUNT : 4,140

A/N : Hello everyone! This is the first story I ever wrote for The Walking Dead. Hope you enjoy! And happy reading! 

(P.S. Who’s excited for tonights episode?!)

xx crossbowking

It was hot.

And not your every day Georgian heat — but a new level of humidity that had sweat dripping from every inch of your body the second the sun came up. You had lost track of the months as time went on, but if you had to guess, you’d say it was right about the middle of July.

With the way the world was now, the dead up and walking, humanity turning against itself, the least you deserved was a slight breeze.

“What I would do for a glass of ice cold water right about now,” you muttered to yourself, wiping the sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand. 

Sighing, you readjusted your grip on the shotgun you held, scanning the abandoned parking lot for signs of movement.

The area was mostly clear — save for a couple of long since abandoned cars, stray shopping carts, and the half a dozen walkers you and Daryl had taken down moments before.

You joined up with Rick’s group a couple months back — they had just lost their farm and were on the run, attempting to find a safe haven to ride the winter out until finding a more permanent home.

As for you, you’d been on your own for a while — you were an only child and both of your parents had died years before everything went to hell.

After the world ended, you caught wind of a group that planned to make the trek to Fort Benning, unsure if the army base was still up and running. With no where else to go, it seemed like the smartest option for you.

The group of fifteen had only gotten a quarter of the way there before you started losing people. Some were torn to shreds by walkers, a few were bit and had to be put down — others just lost hope and faded away. Before you knew it, you were the last one standing.

But then you met a group of people — a group of survivors. And everything changed.

You’d been taking shelter inside an abandoned house, trying to ride out the winter. You were dangerously low on supplies but the thought of going outside with no backup scared you more than starving to death. You’d been debating whether or not to scavenge the houses on the other side of the neighborhood when a scream came from outside, drawing your attention to the frost covered window.

You saw a group of people out on the street surrounded by more walkers than they could handle. A few of the men were fending off the dead with knives and machetes, forming a tight circle around other members of the group. One of the women, you realized in horror, seemed to be pregnant.

Part of you knew you shouldn’t get involved, shouldn’t draw attention to yourself. But a bigger part of you couldn’t sit and do nothing. 

Resolutely, you grabbed your shot gun and swung open the door. You spotted a walker creeping up behind a man with a crossbow strung across his shoulder and pointed your weapon that way, cocking the gun and pulling the trigger, landing a perfect headshot.

The man jumped in surprise, his eyes scanning the area until they landed on you. You let out a shaky breath at the intensity of his gaze, lowering your weapon slightly. 

A moment passed between you two, before he gave you a quick nod and stabbed the next walker he saw. With your help, the group was able to take down every walker on that street.

It took a little while for you to gain everyone’s trust and vice versa, but in no time, you fit right in with the group. Truth be told, you felt more at home with them than you had in a long time.

“Y/N?” came a gruff voice, snapping you out of your thoughts. You glanced backwards, locking eyes with the crossbow wielding man you later came to know as Daryl. “Ya good?” he asked, wiping his hands on the red rag he kept in his back pocket.

You nodded quickly, averting your gaze from his penetrating stare. “How’s the lock comin’ along?” you motioned to the chains wrapped around the doors to the grocery store the two of you were trying to break into.

“It ain’t,” Daryl heaved, tucking the rag back into his pocket.

“We can head back to the prison — see if T-Dog has any tools we can use?” you offered, hefting your shotgun up to rest on your shoulder.

“Can’t afford ta use up gas like that,” he countered, turning his back on you to peer in the window.

You sighed, closing your eyes and taking a breath. “It’s damn hot today,” you mumbled. “The world’s gone to shit, there are zombies trying to eat our brains, and I might actually die of a heat stroke. How embarrassing is that?”

Daryl huffed and cocked his head towards you, giving you a look. But you could see the humor in his eyes that never quite reached his face.

When you first joined the group, Daryl steered clear of you — you were completely convinced he hated your guts. But as time went on and you began to spend more time with him, slowly but surely, he began to open up. Not that he would bear his soul to you or anything, but every once in a while, the two of you would actually have meaningful conversation.

Daryl was a lot more intuitive than he liked to let on, but you could see right past that tough exterior. You found comfort in his presence, which was a hard feat to come by these days. Truthfully, you felt the safest when you were with Daryl — not that you would ever admit that out loud.

But a small part of you liked to think he already knew — by the way he would hover a little closer when the two of you left the prison. Or when faced against some kind of danger, he always positioned himself slightly in front of you without even realizing it. 

You never actually voiced how he made you feel, but you figured Daryl caught on. He had a way of reading you like no one else could.

“Ah, screw this,” Daryl growled, snapping you once again out of your thoughts. He pushed away from the window and grabbed the crossbow he had propped up against the building. “Let’s go ‘round back an’ try ‘ta find another way in.”

Nodding in agreement, you reached for your backpack and strapped it to your back, falling into step beside Daryl as the two of you made your way around the building. “Lori’s almost due,” you murmured aloud. “You think we’ll find any supplies here for the baby?”

Daryl shrugged a shoulder, scanning the area cautiously, always on alert. “Hope so,” he said simply.

Sighing heavily, you rubbed the back of your neck, trying to relieve some pressure. “Do you ever wish you weren’t here?” you suddenly asked, the question popping out before you could really think about it.

Daryl’s steps faltered a moment before he grunted and shook off the surprise. “The hell kinda question is that?”

“I mean, do you ever wonder if any of this is worth it? The constant danger, losing the people you love,” you rattled, peeking a glance at him. “Sometimes I think about what it’d be like to not be here.”

Daryl’s steps slowed and you could suddenly feel waves of tension rolling off him. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, feeling your cheeks turn red from your sudden confession.

Suddenly, you felt a hand grab your elbow, pulling you to a stop. Your gaze landed on Daryl and flickered down to where he held your arm. When you lifted your eyes back to him, you were met with his penetrating stare, expression unreadable.

His deep blue eyes trailed over your face, as if he was trying to read you the same way you were trying to read him. A heavy moment of silence passed as the two of you stared at one another.

Daryl cleared his throat, looking like he was struggling for the right words. “For what it’s worth,” he finally spoke, his deep voice rumbling just above a whisper, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Before you could come up with a response, a rustling behind you tore your gaze from him. And just like that, the two of you were back in survival mode. Daryl came to stand by your side, crossbow aimed towards the trees as you raised your shotgun in the same direction. The rustling faded and all that was left was a heavy silence.

“C’mon, let’s keep movin’,” Daryl whispered as he crept along the side of the grocery store with you right on his heels.

The two of you rounded the corner and ended up at the back of the grocery store. You nudged Daryl with your elbow and nodded towards the broken in back door. Crossbow armed and ready, Daryl crept to the door and whistled, waiting to hear any movement inside. After a few moments passed, he motioned for you to follow him inside.

Immediately, you were hit with a putrid smell, like rotting food mixed with rotting flesh and you felt a wave of nausea. Daryl seemed to be equally affected and covered his mouth and nose with the crook of his arm. Ignoring the way your stomach heaved, you focused on breathing slowly through your mouth.

Using the butt of your shotgun, you tapped one of the empty metal shelves near you, the sound echoing throughout the large market. The two of you waited with baited breath for the sound of any other living or non living thing to make itself known.

After a few moments of silence, you released the breath you’d been holding and looked at Daryl. “I think we’re good to go.”

Daryl just grunted, which over the past few months, you came to interpret as an agreement.

“Why don’t you check out the back of the store and I’ll head to the front?” you offered, already making your way up one of the aisles. You didn’t get far before you felt Daryl grabbing your arm once again.

“Naw, I think we ought ‘ta stick together,” he argued, his face drawn tightly.

“It’ll take us twice as long if we stick together — this store is huge,” you said, slightly incredulous.

“I ain’t lettin’ ya go off on your own. This place ain’t safe, Y/N.”

You sighed, feeling your heart swell regardless.

Things with Daryl were complicated. The two of you had gone from barely speaking to being…friends? You’d like to think you were at least friends, but Daryl was hard to read. You never really knew where you stood with him. There was a part of you, one that you tried very hard to ignore, that longed for something more.

“We’ll be in and out,” you exhaled finally, resting your hand on Daryl’s arm, ignoring the way he tensed. “Promise.”

Daryl seemed to have an internal struggle, but eventually nodded, not looking too pleased. “Anythin’ happens, I mean anythin’, ya just holler an’ I’ll be there.”

“You got it, Dixon,” you retorted, giving him a small salute. Daryl just scoffed and rolled his eyes, but you could see the hint of a smile as he walked away.

Pleased with your small victory, you made your way up the aisle and to the front of the store. You surveyed your surroundings — noticing how empty the store already was, having been ravaged by other survivors. Deciding to start with the canned food section, you headed that way, keeping your gun ready to fire.

The aisle was almost completely cleared out, which wasn’t too surprising. You grabbed what little was left on the shelves — two cans of corn, one can of peaches, two cans of black beans, some kind of canned meat — and shoved them into your backpack. You hefted the bag back onto your shoulders and continued on.

From the back of the store, you could hear Daryl rummaging around and hoped he was having more luck than you were.

You were about to head to the toiletry section, when you heard a noise coming from the far right side of the store. Your heart began to race a little bit faster, nerves standing on end. 

Gripping your shotgun tightly, you took a breath and began creeping towards where you heard the sound. The rancid smell that laced the store began to get stronger and stronger, making your eyes water.

Suddenly, a low growl came from the next aisle and you slowly rounded the corner, discovering what made the noise.

There was a walker hunched over what seemed to be the remains of its last meal. The stark white tile floor was covered in blood and all that seemed to be left was bits of human flesh and bone. You felt bile rise to your throat as the walker feasted, unaware of your arrival.

Tiptoeing towards the biter, you softly rested your shotgun against one of the shelves and reached for the knife you kept strapped to your leg. Raising your weapon up, you came to stand behind the walker and with all the force you could muster, stabbed your knife into the top of its head. It stilled immediately and as you yanked your knife out, it fell to the floor.

You released the breath you’d been holding and stared at the corpse. What the hell has this world come to? you thought solemnly. Grimacing, you wiped the blood from your knife onto your jeans and decided it was time to get back to work.

Just as you were about to turn around, you heard the distinct cock of a shot gun directly behind you — and before you could process what was happening, the barrel of the gun was pressed against the back of your head.

You froze — a pit forming in your stomach so intense you couldn’t feel anything else. For a moment, no one moved…

Until finally, an unfamiliar voice broke through the silence. “P-put your hands up,” it spoke, a tremble leaking through.

As slow as possible, you raised your hands above your head, swallowing the lump that formed in your throat.

“T-turn around,” came the same shaky voice and you gradually turned to face the stranger.

What you did not expect was for the stranger holding you at gun point to be a young boy. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen years old, eyes big and scared, face pale and thin. You could see the shot gun — your shot gun, the one you had set down just moments before — shaking ever so slightly in his tight grip.

“Let’s just take it easy, alright?” you said in a low voice, keeping your hands up.

“Drop the knife,” he retorted, motioning the gun towards the knife you still had clamped in your hand.

“Why don’t you lower the gun and we can talk —“

“I said drop the knife!” the boy shouted, taking a step towards you, hands still trembling.

“Okay, okay…I hear you,” you nodded, releasing the knife, it clattering loudly to your feet. “Now please, kid, just lower the gun,” you urged.

“Give me your backpack,” he responded, eyes darting around frantically.

You nodded again and slowly began to shrug off your backpack. Something about the kid seemed off — it didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt you, he was just desperate. 

“Look, I know you’re scared. Lower the gun and let’s talk for a minute,” you offered, holding your bag in one hand, the other in front of you.

The boy took a step forward and snatched the bag from your hands, shrugging it onto his own shoulder. “I-I’m real sorry about this, lady,” he croaked.

All of the sudden, he aimed the gun at your head and you saw his finger moved towards the trigger and —

“HEY!” a familiar voice boomed.

You saw movement from the corner of your eye and suddenly, there was Daryl.

The kid, having been distracted by the sudden appearance, turned his head just as Daryl tackled him into the aisle’s metal shelving and the two tumbled to the ground. You saw the shotgun slip out of the boy’s hands and fall to the floor. Daryl jumped to his feet, grabbing the kid by the collar of his shirt and heaving him up.

Ignoring the fact that you were almost just shot, you launched forward and grabbed your shotgun.

Suddenly, a glint of silver caught your attention and you felt your stomach drop. During the scuffle, the kid had grabbed the knife you had dropped earlier and now held it just above Daryl’s head, ready to strike...

“STOP!” you screamed, cocking the shotgun and pressing it to the kid’s temple, everyone immediately stilling. “Drop it,” you growled, glaring at the kid who looked like he was about to pass out.

“I-I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to —“ the boy stuttered, eyes darting between you and Daryl.

“Put the knife down, kid,” you repeated, softening your voice a little. After a heavy moment of silence, the boy dropped the knife.

You let out a breath and swung your gaze to Daryl, who was watching at you, breathing heavy, grip still locked on the kid’s shirt. His eyes traveled over you frantically, worry written all over his face.

The kid began to squirm in Daryl’s grasp, drawing his attention back to boy. “An’ what the fuck ya think you’re doin’?” he snarled, shoving the boy back into the metal shelving.

“W-wait, I-I’m —“

“Ya best be keepin’ your damn mouth shut,” he growled, just inches from the boy’s face.

“Wait Daryl, let him talk,” you finally spoke up, lowering your gun.

Daryl swung his gaze back to you, eyes ablaze. “This asshole jus’ held a gun ‘ta your head an’ ya wanna let ‘im talk?”

“I-I-I I don’t…I’m…I didn’t —“ the kid began, before Daryl pushed him back farther into the shelf.

“Ya better start talkin’ ‘fore I kick your damn teeth out,” he hissed at the kid.

“I-I didn’t want to kill her,” the boy finally stammered. “I-I swear, I didn’t. I thought I had to. I didn’t —“

Before the kid could continue, Daryl reeled back and punched the kid square in the face, a crack sounding throughout the store. The boy howled in pain and dropped to his knees, cradling his face.

Blood streaming over his lips, the kid looked up at Daryl in panic. “I think you broke my fucking nose!”

“You’re lucky I don’t break your fuckin’ neck!” Daryl snarled back, before you jumped in front of him, putting both your hands on his chest to hold him back.

“Daryl, stop!” you pleaded, grunting as you struggled to hold him back.

His fiery expression faltered as he finally looked down at you, his breathing slowing as his body sagged slightly.

“I thought I lost ya, Y/N,” he mumbled softly.

“I’m right here,” you whispered, placing your hand gently on the side of his face.

Daryl didn’t respond, just leaned slightly into your touch.

A groan from behind pulled you back into the present moment and you looked down at the boy.

“What’s your name?” you asked softly, crouching down so you were eye level.

The kid looked up at Daryl with fearful eyes, before they landed on you. “Wyatt,” he finally spoke.

“Do you have a group, Wyatt?” you continued.

Wyatt nodded quickly, watching Daryl pace back and forth like a caged animal behind you. “We were runnin’ out of food, water, medicine…they sent us here for supplies. I didn’t know —”

“Us? The hell ya mean us?” Daryl snapped, coming to stand directly behind you. “Ya mean ‘ta tell me there’re more of ya pricks here?”

You watched the color drain from Wyatt’s face, his gaze traveling to where you had killed that walker earlier — the walker that had been feasting on its latest meal…

“Not anymore,” he squeaked out, staring at the mess of blood and gore.

You sighed heavily, rubbing the base of your neck. In any other scenario, this stranger would’ve been dead. If Daryl hadn’t killed him, you would have. In this world, it was kill or be killed — something you learned the hard way over time.

But this kid was different. He was just a kid. He was just trying to keep his group safe and you could understand that — it was scary, the lengths you would go to protect those you loved. You knew the feeling.

Turning your head, you stared up at Daryl. You would do just about anything for that man. Hell, you almost shot the kid trembling in front of you for him.

Sometimes, you had to make tough choices to keep your people safe. And other times, a little humanity never hurt anyone.

You reached for your backpack that had been thrown to the ground during the scuffle and unzipped it. Pulling out a couple of the cans you had just found, you set them down in front of Wyatt, who watched you with big eyes.

“The hell ya doin’, Y/N?” Daryl questioned — not accusingly, more in confusion.

You just gave him a reassuring smile, before adding your knife to the pile. “Listen to me very closely, Wyatt,” you said, grabbing the kids attention. “If this were to happen again, some people may not be as understanding as me and my friend here. But I get it, okay? You were just doing what it takes to survive,” you paused, glancing up at Daryl meaningfully. “I would do the same thing for the people I care about.”

Daryl stared down at you, his expression a mixture of understanding and something else you couldn’t quite place. He cleared his throat and reached a hand down towards you. “C’mon, we gotta go.”

You took his hand and stood up, lingering just a second before pulling away to strap on your backpack and grab your shot gun. Wyatt stared up at you, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

You moved to stand beside Daryl who was stringing his crossbow over his shoulders. He stared at Wyatt, before crouching down a bit. “I want ya ‘ta count ‘ta two hundred and then get the hell outta here, understand?”

Wyatt nodded quickly, wiping at the blood dripping down his chin. “T-thank you,” he finally spoke, gathering the items you had given him into his arms.

You gave one last encouraging nod to the kid, before you and Daryl headed outside, welcoming the fresh air. The two of you hurried around the store, keeping your weapons up as you jogged to the car parked in the front. 

Finally reaching the vehicle, you tossed your bag and weapon into the back, hoisting yourself inside and slamming the door shut, Daryl sliding into the drivers seat.

As the adrenaline began to wash off you, a heaviness settled over your mind. The reality of what almost happened hit you like a truck and you felt a shiver run through you. You could feel Daryl watching you but kept your own gaze trained ahead, focusing on slowing down your breathing.

But no matter what you did, you couldn’t calm yourself — it had been too close. Way too close. And your heart wouldn’t stop beating a mile a minute in your chest.

You let out a sigh, feeling the breath hitch in your throat. Suddenly, Daryl’s warm hand was squeezing your shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly, drawing your attention to him, “you’re okay, Y/N.”

You quickly shook your head. “No, no, i-it’s not that,” you admitted, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I-I thought…when I saw that knife above your head I just…I…” you broke off, the feeling of complete terror consuming you.

And then suddenly, you were being pulled into Daryl’s arms.

He wrapped both arms tight around your shaking frame, holding you against his chest. 

After the surprise of rare affection from him wore off, you found your arms snaking around his waist, holding him just as tightly. You immediately felt calm, his steady heart beat and warmth grounding you. It may have been your imagination, but you thought you felt him place a light kiss to the top of your head.

“I thought I lost you,” you mumbled into his chest, thankful he couldn’t see the blush creeping over your cheeks or the warmth spreading through your heart.

“I’m right here,” he murmured softly, the words rumbling through his chest as he moved one hand to cradle the back of your head. “Imma always be right here.”

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[dribs-and-drabbles]

I am eagerly awaiting your analysis of episode 2 of vice versa. Like I'm almost as excited to read your color explanations as I was for the episode it's self. I totally get that life/responsibilities and such come first. No pressure!! If you never get to it, that's okay. I appreciate what you are willing and able to share.

Hej Anon! Thank you so much for thinking about me! I had a busy day today but I managed to watch the ep tonight (twice in fact - once to enjoy and the second time to make notes!). I might have time tomorrow to write up some thoughts...but I'll leave you with this...they're really hitting 'the edge' with this show and all the colour details (as opposed to 'the bullseye' in our universe 😄) and I absolutely adore this shot in particular (with both meanings of the word):

Not only does it encapsulate the general vibe of the slightly 'off-centre' feeling of this universe where it's the little things like the above and the finger counting that sets it apart from ours...but it once again has the four main colours. I'm feral over it already. Gone. The brain rot has set in.