#I think this game's gonna be what drags me out of art block. Gotta love fixations that do that for us

[afeatherypileofjunk]

New rot in my head. Welcome to the Let-Vand zone.

[kat-katsuki]

Failed Attempts | Iwaizumi x Reader Oneshot

Word Count: 3162

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He carried a vibe around him. And it's intimidating. He's really quiet and focused in class, but he's not the best student. He's quite popular with the boys, but for some reason girls just never really notice him, especially not when he's always around that guy. Iwaizumi Hajime is someone I'd classify as an undiscovered gem. Girls don't seem to see his charm, and they never seem to notice the bright light he's capable of giving off.

As always I sit at the back of class, glancing constantly at the raven haired boy as he scribbled things down into his notebook during math. I've noticed him since the first day I met him, back in our first year of high school. I sat right behind him, but I never talked to him.

He's always busy, I noticed. He's either reading something, talking to someone, or going somewhere. I see him so often, even outside of class. I'd see him on my way to club, he'd be heading to his own club. I'd see him on my way home; he only lives a few blocks away from me. Even though I see him so often, I never actually sat down and talked with him...

Oikawa-san is pretty friendly, he'd greet me whenever we walk by each other in the hall. And whenever I am greeted by Oikawa-san, Iwaizumi would also nod at me. Even though that's a typical 'oh I noticed you' response, every time it happens I somehow get super happy. I don't know what makes him so interesting to me. To be honest I just enjoy watching him completely destroy other boys in arm wrestling, or produce a god-like record in running 1 km, or even be asked to join all the sports team. Around my second year of high school I realized I want to talk to him. It was the first day of our second semester and god granted me this golden chance. First day of the semester we get new seats, and I happened to sit right next to him, to his left. "Good morning Iwaizumi-kun," I greeted, and thank god my voice didn't crack.

"Oh, hi," Iwaizumi replied. Say something, start a conversation, I told myself.

"Long time no see," I made out.

"Mmhm, long time no see," he replied. Good job, great way to start a conversation, I slapped myself in my head. It didn't take me long to realize that Iwaizumi, despite being the vice captain of the volleyball team and always surrounded by boys, is actually quite the introvert. He enjoys his silence, and he likes lone time, which I heard from Oikawa. I'm not really familiar with either of them, but if I had to say who I'm closer to, it'd definitely be Oikawa. He walked with me from class to my club a few times, just to tell me how sad he is that the coach doesn't let him play due to his injuries.

Of course, my attempts to talk to Iwaizumi didn't stop there. After class, I wanted to invite him to eat lunch with me. But the moment I opened my mouth, "Iwa-chan, let's go eat lunch together!" Oikawa called out from the other side of the room. And then all the other volleyball team members would miraculously show up. I nodded my head, Okay, guess that's that. In the end, I ate lunch with my other friends.

From time to time I'd see him in the halls or on the street, but he always seem like he's in a hurry to go somewhere, so I couldn't really bring myself to interrupt his journey. There was once I saw him down the hall on my way to the cafeteria, and since it was lunch time and he was alone I figured I'd invite him to lunch. "Hey, Iwaizumi-kun!" I greeted. "Where are you headed?"

"Oh I'm going to the teacher's office," he said.

"Oh, is that so, well have fun, I guess," I waved and left. Yeah.....so much for inviting him to lunch.....

A few weeks later, after my club activities, I'm in the art club by the way, I saw Iwaizumi walk out of his club room with Oikawa, ready to go home. I was so ready at that time. I gathered up my courage. Today is the day. Today I'm going to ask them if we could walk home together. Then I could talk to Iwaizumi. "Hey! You guys heading home too?" I called out.

"Oh hey!" Oikawa noticed me and waved back, big smile on his face. Bless him for his friendliness. I know people call him a playboy, or whatever, but to me he is a god given blessing, my key to approaching Iwaizumi.

"Oikawa, I'm gonna go to Kitagawa right now, I'll see you tomorrow," Iwaizumi said. I stood there speechless. If I remembered correctly, Kitagawa Daiichi is the middle school the two came from, but what business does Iwaizumi have with his middle school? Especially at eight in the evening!

"Okay, I'll see you then!" Oikawa waved at his best friend.

"Bye!" I said to Iwaizumi. He shot me a faint smile. Although it was just one out of courtesy, it killed me inside out. God why is he so handsome? And that smile of his...just unfair! And I watched him leave...again....

"So, wanna go home together? We're in the same direction right?" Oikawa offered.

"Oh yeah, sure!" I replied instantly, hiding my disappointment. To be fair, Oikawa is fun, definitely someone I enjoy being around. He knows how to start a conversation, and is really open and funny. He's slightly arrogant, but that only adds to his charm. I totally understand why girls like him, not just for his face. Either way though, I only see him as a pretty cool friend.

This leaves me wondering, why is it so hard to talk to Iwaizumi?! Every time I see him, he's there and then he's gone, off to do something. It's not that I don't try to talk to him, it's just I don't want to be obvious and I don't want to be rude. When he's talking to someone else, I can't just go in and invite myself into the conversation just to talk to Iwaizumi.... No.... I can't.

Originally I was interested in him as a person, and a possible love interest, since you know...I'm interested. However at this point he just became a challenge I wanted to overcome. I'm actually the type to try to overcome anything I find an obstacle, and at this point I just want to sit down and talk to him, in a real conversation about things like what he likes and what he does on his free time, things like that. I won't be satisfied with things like 'oh isn't the weather nice' NO! I'm. Going. To. Talk. To. Iwaizumi. Period!

Of course, what I decide and what I do doesn't quite line up on the same page....

"Hey~..... Akane-chan!" I walk past Iwaizumi who was in a conversation with Matsukawa, from class 1, and greet my friend from middle school. Akane-chan and I haven't talked much since high school started so she was surprised to hear me call out to her out of the blue, but we ended up chatting up on our lives and catching up. In the end we even ate lunch together and decided to hang out more often. Wow...I even tightened my relationship with an old friend.... And I still haven't talked to Iwaizumi....

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Now, we were in our third and final year. I'm at the stage where if we see each other we'll say hi and bye. That's an improvement....right? At least now he says hi to me without me initiating it.... But then he turns and leaves soon after that, and goes where he needs to go.

"Why are you so obsessed with Iwaizumi? In my point of view I think Oikawa is much better looking," Akane asked during lunch. We were sitting in the courtyard, eating our bentos. Yes, I actually became much closer to her due to my failed attempt of talking to Iwaizumi, she knows this now.

"I don't know, I just can't seem to stop. Ever since day 1 I've been trying to talk to him and fate just doesn't want me to apparently!" I said. "Plus, I don't see Oikawa that way. He's cool and all but not my type. I like someone more... Interesting."

"Like Iwaizumi."

"Well......yeah?" I nodded in an unsure way. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't quite describe the boy as interesting. Sure he's got some quirks, but they're quite typical for a boy, and plus since he's always with the oh so great Oikawa Toru, he just seems kinda plain if you think about it. However, despite all that, he always leaves me wondering what's on his mind. I'm always thinking about where he's going next, where the place that takes him away from me is. I'm always questioning how he's going to respond to my next attempt to talk to him. Iwaizumi Hajime is the boy that keeps me on the tip of my toes. "Yeah," I decided. "Yeah, like Iwaizumi."

"Honestly, I don't even know what to say," Akane chuckled. "Good luck I guess?"

"To be honest I don't even have any hope for a chance with him. I just want to fucking talk to him! Is that so hard?!" I groaned.

I even started going to his games. Seijou is quite the volleyball powerhouse so plenty of our students go to watch the volleyball game. I made it my own duty to go watch his games whenever I can. I gotta say, he really looks best when he's in that volleyball jersey. I love seeing him in that number 4. The way he jumps into the air and smashes down the ball with those muscular arms, whoa. The more I watch him the more obsessed I get. Next time I see him I'm definitely going to say something about his performance in the game.

"Hey Iwaizumi-kun, I saw your game. You were great!" I would say to him.

"Thanks! Hey I didn't know you like volleyball?" he'd say back to me.

"Well, yeah I'm actually quite the volleyball fan, but I don't know much about it."

"Wow, you should watch our practice some time."

"I'd love to. Maybe we could walk home together after your practice and you can tell me some more about volleyball?"

"Sure!"

Yes, that's how it's going to work.

The next day I walk into class, he hasn't arrived yet. I sat my stuff down and started replaying my conversation in my head. And finally, the door slides open and a familiar raven haired boy walks in. His had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to drag himself into the classroom. I hesitated, but I still went up to him and said, "Iwaizumi-kun, I saw your game yesterday. Great job!"

"Oh, thanks," he said and then went to his seat. O...kay...... Not how I imagined it would go. It seemed kind of inappropriate at the time to continue the conversation, so I just decided to go back to my seat. That was embarrassing....

I just can't seem to find the right time and way to talk to him.

Then came what seemed like the chance of my life. Akane and I were sitting in a cafe on the weekend, staring at the menu, and that's when we heard a pleasant voice, "Hey you guys are here too!" Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked over to us from the cafe front door. Of course it was Oikawa greeting us.

"Hey! What a coincidence!" Akane said, excitement in her voice. I could guess the reason behind her excitement. She was probably happy for me, and this god given chance. Knowing that I'd probably screw it up, she was determined to grab this chance for me. "Sit with us! Here for lunch?" Bless her.

"Yeah! Come on Iwa-chan," Oikawa and Iwaizumi sat down at our table. Akane invited Oikawa to sit on her side, leaving Iwaizumi to sit with me. Oh my god..... This is my chance! But what do I do?! I haven't planned anything beforehand...

"Hey, Iwaizumi-kun. Fancy seeing you here!" I mustered out.

"Yeah, didn't think I'd see you here," he replied nonchalantly. Okay, how am I going to respond to that?

"Um, yeah, I actually quite like this place. I come here occasionally," I said.

"Let's order something to eat," Oikawa said. I was thankful for the fact that Oikawa was here. Even though he always seems to take Iwaizumi away when I want to talk to him, he always seems to get me out of an awkward situation with Iwaizumi.

"Actually, I'm not hungry, I'm gonna go now," Iwaizumi stood up.

"Eh? But Iwa-chan, you were the one who was complaining about how hungry you were!" Oikawa said. My eyes widened and I turned to Iwaizumi, who was now towering over our table, cheeks slightly flushed.

"Shut up! Well I'm not hungry anymore, I'll leave now," Iwaizumi said. Huh? But why? Is it because I'm here? Does he not wanna be with me? Is that why he leaves every time I talk to him? Before I could ask him, he started walking out the cafe. I opened my mouth to call his name, but instead I just looked at Akane. According to her later on when I asked, I looked like it was the end of the world at that time.

"Go after him!" she shouted at me, as if it was the obvious thing to do like brush your teeth in the morning. Instantly, I dashed off. I ran out the cafe and sprinted towards Iwaizumi. The familiar silhouette looked unnaturally painful to me. I'm so used to seeing him turn his back on me, but this time, I didn't want to stare at him from behind anymore.

"Iwaizumi-kun!" I shouted as I finally grabbed him by the edge of his sleeve. The boy's dark brown eyes widened at me and my actions. "Are you leaving because of me?! Do you dislike me?!" Now his face went blank in disbelief. Suddenly, he was the one who became flustered.

"No! No! Of course not! You're great! How could I dislike you!? I just thought you'd like it if I left you with Oikawa," Iwaizumi said, violently shaking his hand, signally no.

"What? Why would you think that?!" I demanded, slightly appalled by the idea.

"Well, don't you like him?"

"No! What makes you think that?"

"I mean, all girls do. And he seems to like you quite a bit. You guys talk to each other a lot. He even mentions you during practice sometimes. I figure you guys are-"

"Hold it! Hold it! I don't like Oikawa any more than a friend! In fact the person I like is you, not him!" I just blurted things out like an idiot. I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth when I realized that I just confessed to him, out of the blue. That was the thing I swore I wouldn't do. I'm supposed to get to know him, have him get to know me and get him to like me and then confess when I'm sure of his feelings for me. Ugh. Now I just ruined it. Goodbye my chance of ever being together with Iwaizumi. He thinks of me as a creep now.

However, Iwaizumi's reaction was out of my expectations, as always. Instead of showing disgust and horror, his face was flushed red with embarrassment and surprise. He placed a hand in front of his face, as if to hide the blush on his cheeks, but unfortunately the shade has already reached his ears and neck. "O-Oh..." he mustered out after a while. Oh? I just confessed to you and you say 'oh?' I thought. "Um...I'm sorry..." Great, now he's gonna reject me. "I didn't know. I guess I'm kind of clueless when it comes to this..." Ugh...please just reject me already don't keep me hanging. "Um...is it okay if we get to know each other a little bit better first?"

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"I think I should get to know you better...before I give you a reply," Iwaizumi said, face still red as a tomato. I think that's so cute. "Is that okay?"

"Y-...Yes! Yes of course!" I nodded violently. "I'd love that!"

"O...Okay," he seemed to be getting more and more embarrassed at the moment.

"Iwaizumi-kun, could it be...this is your first confession?" I asked. Jackpot. His ears were literally emitting steam now. A smile made its way to my lips. I was already enjoying this side of him. I want to get to know him more, to see more sides of him. "Then, maybe we can start with lunch together?"

"A-Alright...." he nodded.

For the record we didn't go back to the cafe with Akane and Oikawa. We completely forgot about them and decided to go somewhere else, somewhere more....private. With that, we began to talk regularly, exchange texts, and I'd come to watch his practice and games with him noticing.

As if we were always that close, Iwaizumi and I started calling each other by first name basis. And we'd eat lunch together, go home together (with Oikawa) and even hang out on weekends. To be honest I was kind of satisfied with the way we are. Even if in the end he told me he didn't see me as a lover, I'd still be okay with it. Of course, if he said yes and became my boyfriend, I'd be happier than a mouse with cheese.

And so the day came. It was the December 23rd, Friday. I walked out of club that day after school, and there he stood, in front of my club room, as if waiting for me. "Hajime," I called out. He looked up, brown orbs meeting mine. His look told me that he was serious. At that point my heart dropped a little. I knew today was the day. It was the day that would decide whether we'd stay as friends, or god would answer my prayers. I gulped.

"I'm here to give my answer to you," he said to me.

"I'm ready," I told him.

He walked up to me, each step he took made my heart feel heavier and heavier. My breathing literally stopped when he was finally in front of me. He towered over me like a wolf over a rabbit. It was to be expected from a volleyball player such as himself. At that moment, however, he looked the most intimidating out of all the moments I've seen him. A breath, and he parted his lips. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut, bracing myself for what is to come.

"I love you, __________."

A/N: If you like my story, feel free to checkout my wattpad account!

https://www.wattpad.com/user/midnight0406

[ahgaseda]

two can keep a secret || chapter 03

⇥ synopsis : when your father reveals his intention to remarry, you find an unlikely confidant in Mark, your soon-to-be stepbrother, but what began as a revenge fling ironically becomes far more complicated...

⇥ warnings : this story in its entirety includes but is not limited to strong language and dialogue, recurring alcohol and drug use, and explicit sexual content, and is intended for an adult audience only!

The bass made your ears pound. You took another sip from your red cup and let a long, exasperated breath pass through your nose. To say you were bored would be a massive understatement.

Mark was in another room somewhere, blazing it up. Your best friend had yet to show up and you were suddenly reevaluating all of your priorities in life, courtesy of the alcohol.

The fall semester would start soon and you still had no earthly clue of what to major in. For the time being, you tried a different variation of courses, hoping one would tickle your fancy. Thus far, you skated through them all like a perpetually sleep-deprived zombie.

Mark appeared, quite literally in a cloud of smoke, and whispered, “Hey, sexy.”

“Dance with me,” you blurted, glancing past him at the horde of bodies grinding to the music.

Mark snorted. “I can’t be caught dancing with my soon-to-be sister.”

He had a point. Disgruntled, you chugged a mouthful of your drink and grumbled, “The stepsister you fuck on the regular?”

“On the down low,” Mark reminded, almost inaudibly.

“Fine. Fuck off,” you snapped, pushing his chest to get him out of your space. “I don’t need you to have fun.”

Mark cocked an eyebrow, amused by your tipsy rhetoric. “Oh, really?”

You bobbed your head. “Any one of these guys would be delighted to date me.”

“All of these guys just wanna get in your pants,” Mark deadpanned. There was an edge to his voice, sharp like a razor. Though he had no right to be, Mark was territorial of your body and he was not the least bit inclined to let another man try to pleasure you.

Scowling, you hissed, “You are a pain in my ass.”

Mark crept closer and teased, “Just say the word and I’ll fuck that hole, too.”

“I hate you.”

“Sure you do.”

Of course you didn’t, but you were still bored as hell and the banter with your almost stepbrother was the most entertainment you'd had at this damned party. Pay attention to me, was what you wanted to say. In the most childish, obnoxious way possible. Vodka was not your friend, you realized.

“Maybe I should play the field,” you said, shrugging before coming in for the kill. “Since my regular dick appointment only dicks me down in our parents' house as some kind of twisted, spiteful…”

Mark put a hand over your mouth and warned, “Don’t fucking try me.”

You blinked in surprise.

Mark let his palm fall from your lips, the sight of them overwhelmingly inviting. Clearing his throat, Mark dismissed himself before he kissed you in front of everyone and murmured, “I’m gonna go find a drink.”

“Yeah, you do that,” you sneered, watching him go.

Despite how much you ran your mouth, you weren’t an idiot. Neither was Mark. The two of you knew exactly how this game was played and you had unwittingly became professionals in the art of keeping such a deadly secret.

However, you weren’t immune to alcohol’s ability to remove all inhibitions.

Crossing the room, you approached the host of the bash and exclaimed, “Jackson, be a good wingman and point me in the direction of the boy with the biggest dick.”

Jackson lifted a brow and retorted, “I’m right here, sunshine.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Alright, here we go,” Jackson said, taking your hand and leading you at his side. “Gotta keep the hoes well-fed.”

You were in desperate need of someone to keep you entertained. Your alcohol-hazed mind was fixated on smacking you across the face for having no ideas for your future. The last thing you wanted to do was rehash your failures as a young adult, but the more you tried to ignore the internal chastisements, the more your brain decided to think about your father and his upcoming marriage.

Which you hated even more than yourself.

Jackson brought you to the most stereotypical frat guy you could have ever imagined and made quick work of introductions. “This is Chris. You’re both horny and hot. Enjoy.”

You chortled.

At the other end of the room, Mark put the drink to his lips and took a big gulp, watching you intently over the rim of his cup. He did his best to rationalize his irritation. It didn’t hurt for you to talk to some dude at a party. Talking was harmless.

You laughed and Mark bristled. He loved making you laugh. Your reaction to whatever Chris had said obviously gave him confidence, because he moved even closer to you and you didn’t back away.

Mark angled in the other direction. You’re a fucking idiot, he told himself, but his anger was blowing his high. He wanted to freely be with you in front of everyone. Secrets were hard and not his forte. Mark was honest to a fault and struggled to hide how he felt.

Though he wasn’t looking, Mark could hear your laugh again and he stomped away, in search of fresh air.

You saw him leave and your heart sank. Mark’s presence always put you at ease. Though your relationship was far from healthy, by most conventional standards, you were the first to admit you had forged an unshakable bond with your soon-to-be stepbrother.

Without him hovering nearby, you felt vulnerable and alone.

Chris took initiative and crept even closer, wrapping an arm around your waist. At first, you didn’t mind. The gesture didn’t make you uncomfortable.

But when his hand drifted downward and squeezed your ass, you were quick to push him away. “I don’t remember giving you permission to touch me.”

Chris whined, “Don’t be such a bitch. We’re vibing, aren’t we?”

You couldn’t believe your eyes when his arm encircled your waist and tugged you back into his grasp, but you were quick to snap, “Not enough for you to grope me. Get off.”

Chris was much stronger than you and had no intention of letting go of your body. You struggled against him for all of five seconds when someone appeared at your side and shoved Chris against the wall.

“Get your hands off her or I will break your fucking neck,” Mark threatened, crowding into his face.

You grabbed his arm and whispered, “Mark...”

Mark had a temper and a penchant for throwing fists instead of words. You knew he carried enough rage and pain inside him that there were times some of it had to come out or he would explode.

But physical altercations were extremely illegal.

“Geez, man. Don’t cock block me,” Chris exclaimed, as if he was the victim in this scenario. “She’s not your real sister.”

Mark rounded on him again and you knew your grip on his arm would not dissuade Mark from beating the shit out of this guy if he so desired. “She’s way out of your league and doesn’t want a douche like you touching her. Back the fuck off,” Mark warned for the last time.

Chris must have sensed that Mark was on the verge of breaking his face and he finally surrendered, holding up his hands. “Alright, alright. For fuck’s sake, man.”

Mark didn’t take his eyes off of him until Chris was out of sight. Meanwhile, your gaze was glued to Mark and how safe and protected he made you feel.

“Mark,” you called softly.

Mark finally looked at you, his expression full of annoyance. “Try to stay out of trouble, will you?”

You shook your head in dissension. “Take me upstairs now.”

Mark’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“You know why.”

Mark knew that tone anywhere. He had become quite the expert since the first time he was between your legs. With a smirk, he tilted his head toward the nearby stairs and you followed him without a second thought.

The first room he tried was locked and by the sounds coming from inside, babies were being made rather loudly. You giggled in amusement as Mark pulled you with him down the hallway, trying the next door and finding it open.

Mark dragged you inside and the moment he had shut and locked the door behind you both, you spun into his arms and pushed him against the wall, smashing your lips on his.

“I made you wet, huh?” Mark growled against your mouth, smirking darkly.

You moaned his name when you felt his hands roaming over your hips then grabbing your ass. Before you could reply, Mark lifted you into the air, guiding your legs around his waist.

He propped you on the dresser and hiked up your miniskirt. You tangled your arms through his, unbuckling his belt and fiddling at the zipper on his jeans. Mark parted from your kisses only momentarily to yank the panties down your legs, stuffing them in his back pocket before pushing down his pants.

Your eyes locked with his as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and felt him pushing inside you. Mark let out a shaky breath on your lips, coaxing himself deep into your cunt.

“Fuck, Mark,” you whimpered, your head falling back and resting against the wall. You set your nails to his shoulders and grit your teeth when he finally started thrusting, jostling you harshly on the dresser.

Mark grunted and nipped at your lips, stealing back your attention. “Mm, this pussy stays so tight for me.”

His voice made you shiver and you were quick to croon, “Only you, baby.”

“Look at me,” Mark said sternly, slowing down.

You stared into his dark eyes, mouth parted in pleasure.

Mark grabbed your jaw none too gently and whispered, “If you fuck another guy, I think I’d have to kill him…”

You gaped at him, lost for words, though your cunt gripped him tightly with arousal. Mark raked his tongue over his teeth, pleased at the look on your face, and cast his gaze down to watch where your bodies connected - watching you accept him deep, every inch of his cock disappearing inside your wet pussy.

This was why you could never give Mark grief over his bad habits. You were as much an addict as he was, and he was your drug. From the first time you were in his arms, on your back in his car as he kissed you with abandon, you knew you were fucked.

There was a spark; a concept you always snorted at, because something couldn’t possibly exist. Hell, your mother and father had a love for the ages, or so you thought. Then you saw how easily your father moved on and you realized you were a fool. Love was stupid, hollow and you’d be damned if you ever let yourself experience it.

No, you knew exactly what the spark between you and Mark was; lust, pure and simple. Driven by anger and fueled by the forbidden nature of your relationship. There would never be such unadulterated passion and pleasure between you if there wasn’t such a dark motive behind the sex. Right?

A moan escaped you, tearing you from your reverie. Mark pounded you against the wall, his sounds of ecstasy filling your ears. Every smack of his hips drove away your thoughts, made you forget your bitterness and grief. You tucked your face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him for dear life as Mark brought you to the edge of your release. Physical, emotional; all of it.

The bass thrummed through the walls, syncing to the pulse between your legs. When the music swelled, Mark fucked you to orgasm, swallowing your screams of his name with the most heady of caresses of his tongue between your teeth.

When he shook and swore, you cradled his face in your hands and kissed the corner of his mouth, flexing your legs to grip your velvet walls around his sensitive cock. He hissed through his teeth, a trembling moan your reward.

“As long as I have you,” you whispered when he had finally become still, though he stayed deep within you. “I’ll never fuck another man.”

Though you didn’t demand he do the same, Mark pressed his lips to yours, a searing wet seal of a promise with his words. “All I need is you, baby…”

chapter 02 ⇤ chapter 03 ⇥ chapter 04

Hey there, beautiful! If you enjoyed this, please leave a like or reblog or follow me! Or maybe buy me a coffee so I can keep writing? Or check out my masterlist here for more stories! Thanks for reading :) - Katya

This work is fictional and for entertainment purposes only, but is licensed and protected under a creative commons attribution-noncommercial-noderivatives 4.0 international license. Any instances of plagiarism will be dealt with accordingly. Do not re-post or translate without my permission.

{ copyright 2018-2020 © ahgaseda // all rights reserved }

[belladonnaandulriched]

the artist | chapter thirty-two

“I come along but I don't know where you're taking me I shouldn't go but you're wrenching, dragging, shaking me Turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky The more I give to you the more I die.” -”the perfect drug”, nine inch nails

I had no idea what to say to my parents, especially given the fact I was all kinds of drugged up and I couldn't even so much as sit up. It also didn't help to realize that I had no idea as to what day it was. But Chris insisted that Joey, Lars, and I go back to the speakeasy, and I had been cleared to return home. I had no idea how to explain the three of them to them, either. For all I knew it was game over for me. I had to fess up. I had to explain everything to them. I had to remove my mask and show them the tip of my nose and my mouth so I could breathe.

Chris lay me down in the backseat, to which he lay my head in his lap all the way there. Lars was kind enough to drive even though he wasn't really the best driver in the world: at one point, I could hear Joey breathing hard and letting out a low whistle every so often. I didn't mind given the amounts of morphine I had been given during my stay at the hospital, but I was concerned about him more than anything.

“You alright, Joe?” Chris asked him, to which he responded by rolling down the window.

“We're almost there, though,” Lars assured him as we took that exit off towards the speakeasy. I saw Joey run his fingers through his black curls and lean the seat back to ease his stomach.

“Would you like some tea, Joey?” Lars offered him as he pulled the parking brake and killed the engine.

“Please. I gotta walk around, too.”

“I'll come along, too,” Chris volunteered. “I have to pee real bad—” He looked down at me. “You gonna be alright here?”

“Yeah, I think so—my mom and dad are here, too, anyways.”

He slid out from underneath me and the three of them climbed out in unison. Once I lay there in the back seat in silence, I closed my eyes. I couldn't even so much as sit up and open the door, and yet I had my hope that the car could be seen from there, wherever Lars had parked us at. Indeed, I heard a tap on the window over my head.

I peered up to see my mom standing there. I almost burst into tears at the sight of her and she opened the door so she could talk to me.

“Oh, my poor little girl,” she cooed as she pressed her hands to either side of my face. “Your friend Chris told us what happened. I'm glad you were wearing a helmet!”

“Yeah, I'll say—where's Dad?”

“He went down the block for a mask—his other one finally wore a hole on the inside. But I told him I would stay here once you showed up.”

I had no idea how to confess it to her, especially given the fact I was on my back and with nowhere to go. I figured it was best to just ease her into it, rather than drop it right on her head.

“I feel awful, Mom,” I started.

“Oh, don't. It's not your fault, honey, and it's not that other boy's fault, either—accidents happen. Like I siad, I'm glad you kids were wearing helmets.”

“No, I mean—I feel awful that being an artist has got me to this point. Hanging out with a bunch of boys like this...”

“Well, Holly—maybe you should consider this a good thing,” she said.

“I—wait, what?”

“You know the story of Frida Kahlo, right?”

“Yeah, she—she sustained horrible injuries in a trolley accident when she was like—eighteen, like my age. She had to undergo a bunch of surgeries and she was in pain most of her life.”

“See this as a means that you are meant to be an artist. The abuse on your body is meant to be put to good use, much like the abuse Frida felt herself. You're an only child so it's not like one of these boys are going to be like Diego Rivera...” Her voice trailed off. I was speechless and I found myself wanting to keep quiet about it all at that point. Of course! I could still make art, but I would have to rethink things. I would have to rethink the Artist move, too, given I couldn't hardly squat so much as I could stand or sit up.

“But one thing is for sure and that's we're taking you home. But these boys are more than welcome to come by and visit, though.”

“You serious?” I was stunned by what I was hearing.

“Totally serious. Like I said, Holly—accidents happen. And these boys were kind enough to take you to the hospital and help you. They like you—you're their friend...” She turned her head and I recognized Joey walking towards her with a cup of something in hand.

“Are you Chris?” she asked him, and he stood that six foot distance from us.

“Nah, I'm Joey,” he corrected her before he took a sip. “I was the dude drivin'.”

“I was just telling Holly that accidents happen.”

“Uh—yeah. They do. They definitely do.” Even though he was upside down to me, I could make out the surprised look on his face.

“I also want to thank you for being such a sweet heart,” she continued.

“Um—thank you?” He showed her a grin, and the little gap in his teeth looked even more adorable upside down. “I mean, I—I did call the medics, after all.”

“You and Chris are more than welcome to come on over any time you want, by the way,” she added.

“Aw, yer too kind.”

“Where you from, by the way? I like your accent.”

“Upstate New York, like Syracuse area, near Lake Ontario. I'm a hick who's a long way from home.”

“Oh, I love upstate! I haven't been there in forever it seems. And you're not that much of a hick.”

“Oh, no, Miss Sherman—I assure ya that I am without question the biggest hick you've ever seen.”

“I've seen worse, Joey. You're—what Holly's father calls 'humble.' Have you been to Schenectady?”

“Not lately, nah.”

“Oh, well—her father was going to go there for a job right before the pandemic, like the day before all the lockdowns, and then it fell through. He's still on call, though, so maybe—just maybe—when things lift, he can transfer that way.” News to me, but then again, I did recall my dad receiving a phone call on that last night, but I didn't hear much of it because of all the news of lockdown surrounding us and the fact my life as a teen was going to consist of being alone most of the time and I would turn to art and the music I loved for the rest of my life as far as I knew. My mom raised herself to her feet and adjusted her blouse.

“Got your mask?” she asked him.

“Right in my pocket. Why, ya wanna help me help her?”

“Like I said—you are a sweet heart.”

She rounded the back end of the car, to which he joined me there at the doorway. His standing there above my head allowed me to look right at his crotch and his thighs. He looked down at me like a prince.

“How ya doin',” he asked me in a low voice.

“Liking what I see,” I said to him.

“Not even a bit'a drugs can keep that mind of yers outta the gutter,” he teased me before he took a sip. I had a nice view of that nice slender neck of his, too.

“Holly's parents in Schenectady,” he remarked in a low voice. “Do ya remember anythin' 'bout that?”

“Vaguely. Then again, like what Mom said, it happened right before the lockdowns went down. It's tempting, isn't it?”

And he winked at me.

“Come out there an' live not too far from me—that's pretty far from home, though. Speakin' as a guy who's far from home himself.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“An' with—with—” He gestured at my laying on my back. “—this right here, it'd be a li'l hard to say as to if or when it'll even happen.”

“True.”

“But—” He peered up at the other side of the car, where my mom had walked to. I lifted my head to find she wasn't there, or maybe she was, but she had ducked down or something. Joey bowed his head closer to me. “—know that no matter what happens,” he lowered his voice to a near whisper, “I'll always like you.”

I glanced up at him.

“Y-You will?” I stammered.

“Yeah.” Even upside down, I could make out the soft look on his face. He swallowed and looked off to the side: stray tendrils of black curls dangled down from his head and towards my face. “I got a crush on you, Hahlls. I dunno if it'll advance beyond that 'cause of Chris an' Lars an' whatnot... but that's how I feel about you. And I gotta fess it up to you 'cause of the accident an' the return of the pandemic and everything. I'm not makin' sense, sorry...”

“No, no,” I assured him, “you're making perfect sense.”

A soft blush crossed his aquiline nose and those little cheekbones.

“I gotta tell ya that I'm just absolutely captivated by your art. An', not ta mention—yer perfect in my eye. You're a saint to me, even when yer a sinner. You'll pull through. If you can survive some sick bastard attackin' you on the street an' without question the worst thing that's happened this century, you can survive this nonsense. An' I'll be here.”

I showed him a smile, to which he showed me that crooked one of his. I couldn't say anything because the other door swung open and my mom prepared to help me out of the backseat without putting strain on that awful injury. I could crab walk out of the back seat but I couldn't so much as crawl into the wheel chair Chris had brought along with us. If I leaned to the side and sat with my knees way out, it didn't hurt so much, but it still hurt. Chris and Lars weren't able to see us off, but Joey helped me into the back seat of my mom's car.

“You know where we live, right?” I asked him in a low voice.

He paused for a second with one hand on the mask underneath his chin and then his face lit up in junction with the afternoon sun.

“I do,” he told me, still in a near whisper.

“Tell Chris and Lars you know where to find me.” And he winked at me before he shut the door.

I was eager to paint for Joey again. And I was eager to paint for Chris and Lars again, even if it meant having my parents within a few feet of hearing us.

[diningpageantry]

2020 - 20 facts tag game

ay thanks for the tag, @sharkmartini​ and @angelsfalling16​ !!!

1. Do you make your bed? shit, depends, really. i feel a lot more mentally at peace climbing into a made bed to sleep, but i don’t have the energy to do it nearly as often as i want.

2. Favorite number? 27 (3^3. i have a thing with 3.)

3. What’s your job? uh shit. a couple things? i freelance illustrate generally tho so let’s go with that

4. If I could would I go back to school? i’m a college freshman rn, but i’m going to a private art school, so if i could like, redo my decision, i would go to a school with in-state tuition and either go for pre-med or poli-sci/communications kid so i could go right back into my activism on a more hands-on way, rather than through art.

5. Can you parallel park? bro i cannot drive at all (and my spacial relations are SHIT)

6. A job people would be surprised I had? i modeled for the Hollister pride campaign last year. given i’m not particularly skinny, it comes as a shock to a lot (it came as a shock for me too, when i got asked to be part of it, because i was like “shit are they gonna let someone shoot when i can’t even fit into their pants?”) 

7. Do you think Aliens are real? i’d be terrified if they weren’t, honestly

8. Can you drive a standard car? sorry i’m gay and disabled i can’t drive ://////

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? listening to Mindless Self Indulgence, reading my own finished works, and getting late night korean food way too often

10. Tattoos? currently, four of them! i have a coffin (to represent both baz and mcr) on my inner left arm (i plan on getting vampire teeth on the opposite inner arm), i have a lighter with flowers coming out of it on my right outer ankle, i have a stick n poke single line face on my left thigh (my friend’s design), and just tonight my friend had the first session of stick n poke-ing frank iero’s symbol on my right inner wrist today. ik it doesn’t ask for this, but i also have a few piercings (ears, septum, and left eyebrow--just got the eyebrow a few weeks ago). both of my stick n pokes are only one session in, so we’re giving them some breathing room to heal before my friend goes back in and thickens/darkens some lines, but those should both be done before valentine’s day, which is ironically when i’m getting another “proper” tat (aka in a studio).

11. Favorite color? maroon or teal

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? if you drag out sentences without needing to, it drives me off the walls. i talk fast and move fast and don’t like when things drag on. i know someone who unnecessarily draws on sentences just to be dramatic and it makes me wanna scream and tell them to talk faster, but i stop myself.

13. Any Phobias? everything? everything. especially spiders. and heights. and everything.

14. Favorite childhood sport? MMA--i especially liked grappling classes and my filipino kali classes. but i also liked that solid year of softball that i did

15. Do you talk to yourself? all the time. i try catch myself vocally doing it because my poor roommates don’t deserve my constant dialogue, but i’m always having conversations with myself. it’s how i work through everything.

16. What movie do you adore? scott pilgrim vs the world is my favorite movie, but the mommy dead and dearest documentary is really interesting (and so is going clear). i’m a big fan of the hobbit movies (guiltily), and shrek is unironically one of my favorite movies.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? depends!!!! i like those apps where the puzzle shapes are like tetris shapes and you gotta fill a figure with the blocks because it’s relaxing, and i like packing bags because it’s kinda like a puzzle, but i don’t like big flat picture puzzles.

18. Favorite type of music? type? uh. shit. like punk/rock/emo/alt /goth etc? i like a lot of sub-genres of punk and rock. i unapologetically love mcr (and, by extension, all the music created by gerard, frank, ray, and mikey post-split pre-reunion, especially frank. frank’s shit means a lot to me), but my music taste is generally a little all over the place. 

19. Tea or coffee? depends on what hits at the moment. generally, tea. i don’t drink coffee to enjoy it, though. with tea, i do.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? an egyptologist. i had a pretty in-depth picture book describing the mummification process and all the steps and history, and i decided i wanted to study mummies and the outcome of mummification............. i had a weird childhood.

---

aa i don’t know if many people did it yet but i tag @krisrix @warriorbeeofthesea @carryonvisinata @thehoneyedhufflepuff @vkelleyart @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @carryonmylovelies @pipsqueakparker @giishu !!!!

[every1studio]

REQUESTED: “all about that bass” [day6: brian]

genre: fluff + slight nsfw/profanity (how can I not with this man...)

ficstyle: bulletpoints + long

@shinjiminbaby asked: “ tsundere! youngk x college au please 😎😎😎😎😎 “

note: xoxo love you and this prompt bc brian is my bias~ hope you like it~

Kang Brian; aka Young K

everyone knows who he is 

but no one really knows how he is

he’s just a hot yet mysterious bassist that plays for a band called “DAY6″

although his bandmates are talkative; he tends to keep to himself

he’s the last one to show up and the first one to leave

you’ve only seen him on stage and a couple of times on campus

no one’s ever seen him smile; which is what makes him so mysteriously attractive

it was Friday morning; 6 am 

it was the start of spring term

you were on morning shift at a coffee shop; you only saw professors and super studious students grab their cup of joe before heading to class

you were trying not to fall asleep standing; you didn’t hear the sliding doors open

“excuse me miss~ can I order?”

knock knock

you shook your head and looked up

Brian was right in front of you; with his instrument case slung on his back over his backpack

he laughs; it was so angelic.. you could say that you fell in love at that moment

“it’s too early for any of this..”

“ye-yeah..”

you both hear the sliding doors open to some girls who were being obvious that they were his fans

“a medium iced americano to-go,” he hands over his card

“sure thing..” 

you both could hear the girls behind him trying to get a look at his face

“he’s so good-looking in person~”

“the stage lights don’t do him any justice..”

(girl, same)

once his card gets approved, he takes the card from you and waits on the side for his drink

the girls only ordered bottled water; they actually came into the shop after seeing Brian enter the shop

they left after paying

“bye Brian~” they waved

he looks at them and nods; emotionlessly

they run out squealing like high school girls

you silently chuckled as you got the americano ready for him

“a medium iced americano~”

you held it out for him

“thanks...” he takes it; emotionlessly 

you smiled at him

“have a good day~”

“you too.. uh..” he looks at your nametag, “y/n..”

he smiled when he said your name

with that he left the shop 

and you were dead

you wanted to blame it on spring

were you falling in love?

you looked as his profile through the glass as he walks to class

(I mean... who wouldn’t fall in love with him...wait)

you just thought it over how..HE SMILED AT YOU?!

YOU?

HE IS KNOWN FOR NOT SMILING AT ANYONE OTHER THAN HIS BANDMATES

BUT HIS SMIILE IS RARE

you couldn’t help but think that it was a sign

you shook your head and slapped your cheeks

“get your head outta the gutters, y/n..”

once your shift ended, you got ready for class

you had to take an arts class as a requirement

“beginning to guitar huh...”

walking in, you expected to see an old looking guy as your instructor

but you saw Brian

he looks up

“oh.. you’re from this morning..” you pointed at him, “you’re the instructor for this class?”

Brian goes back to tune his guitar

“no.. I’m the TA..”

“ah.. okay..”

you wanted to talk to him; but he wasn’t the easiest person to communicate with

soon the class was filled up girls?

to be specific, his fan girls

class was kinda awkward

everyone’s attention was on Brian instead of the instructor (who was actually an old guy.. reminds you of your dad)

“Brian~ you are a bassist, why are you TA for guitar?”

“Brian can you help me out?”

“Brian~”

you were getting slightly irritated; you went to where the instructor was and you asked him about what you should expect from class; yada-yada-ya

Brian looks over at you; you were probably the only person in class who wasn’t giving him a headache  

that made him a little happy?

he kept quiet most of the time; when he spoke it was more like, 7 words max

“well, I started playing the guitar first”

“you’re holding your guitar upside-down”

what felt like an eternity later; class was over

Brian was the first one to leave; everyone was calling him but he dashed off

di-ding

you got a text from your co-worker/bff:

-YO~ GUESS WHAT?

-what”

-Sungjin from DAY6? he’s in my statistics class and he asked me to come to his party tonight~ he also said to bring friends~ it’s at 10pm~

-what if I don’t go?

-I’ll stop working at the coffee shop

-okay, you gotta help me though because idk what to wear

-i gotchu loml 

-k bye

-love me back, bitch

you smiled; when you looked up, you were the only one left in class

“damn”

you walked out the class but you bump into someone

TWAK

“DUDE SERIOUSLY?”

you rubbed your forehead, you looked up and saw Brian

he raises a brow at you, “you should look where you’re going”

you scoffed and pointed at him

“what kinda-”

Brian pokes your forehead, “you could get hurt”

you slowly put your finger down; out of embarrassment, you rubbed the back of your neck

“oh ye-yeah.. okay..”

“what are you still doing here?” he asks as he walks past you

“I could ask you the same”

he sits down and takes out his guitar

“if I didn’t leave, those girls would be chattering away until who knows when..I wanted to compose a few tunes before ending the day..”

you chuckled as you looked at your watch; it was 6 pm

knowing your friend; she’s gonna take hours to get ready and if she’s gonna help you, it might take her longer

“see ya tonight,” you motioned two fingers from your temple to him; saluting kinda

“tonight?”

“yeah.. Sungjin’s party?”

“we’ll see...” he mumbles

you walked out backwards, “don’t be a party pooper, seeya Brian~”

as you dashed off, he bit down on the sides of his cheeks, “it’s Young K..”

hours and hours and hours later

you and your friend finally got ready and it was already 10:30

“are you sure I look okay?”

your friend nodded, “better than those leggings and cropped jackets you wear everyday~”

she painted on a semi-smokey eye with fluttering lashes

she also took out your messy bun and sleeked it straight; you forgot how long your hair was; it was an inch or two below from your breasts

she knew that most of the girls were gonna wear bodycon dresses BUT she said that you had the best body for bodycon dresses so she looked around for the tightest one she could find 

you ended wearing a black strappy low-cut midi dress that had a super high slit on your left thigh with matching black strappy heels

“don’t you think it’s too much?” you turned to look at her

“if yours is too much than mine is outrageous..” she was wearing a deep plunged nude bodycon mini dress 

“you right..”

AT THE PARTY

the both of you could hear the music blasting from a block away

you started to get nervous

your friend grabbed your hand, “if you wanna go home, just let me know..”

she opened the door and Sungjin was talking with Jae

“oh shit... you guys look good..” Sungjin covered his mouth with his red solo cup

Jae reaches to shake your hand, “Jae..”

“y/n..” you said softly

“what?” he leans in closer

“y-y/n..”

Jae starts chuckling, “y/n’s a pretty name for a pretty girl..”

your friend introduced you to Sungjin, “Sungjin, y/n..y/n, Sungjin”

you reached out to shake his hand but he pulls you in for a hug

“I don’t do handshakes, sweetie~” 

you blushed as he let go 

he grazed your butt; but you didn’t want to overthink that he did that on purpose

“hey~ let’s take a shot since you guys are here~” Jae yells as he pulls your friend along

you all walked into the kitchen where all the drinks were

you spotted Brian in the sitting at the counter with two girls by his side..

they were talking to him but it seemed like he was just ignoring them as he drank his beer

he nearly spilled some out of his mouth when he saw you walk into the kitchen

you were chatting it up with Sungjin; laughing at what he said

his arm was also around your waist

Brian didn’t like that.. he saw met you first..

“take your pick ladies..”

you and your friend looked at each other

“go hard or go home; we’re taking tequilla!!” your friend was distributing shot cups to everyone who wanted one

to everyone’s surprise Brian took one too

“WHOOOWEE BRIAN’S GETTING LITTY TONIGHT~” Jae yelled as everyone cheered

once everyone was ready with their shots and salt; you all cheered

Sungjin tapped on your shoulder to do a love shot 

you just went for it

“OOOHHH LOOK AT EM~”

“y/n takes it like a champ!!” Jae said after he did one with your friend 

“this is nothing,” you said as you placed your cup down

Brian looked straight at you as he angrily took his shot

you didn’t notice until you looked over at him

(was he angry? why was he angry..)

you excused yourself from your spot and made yourself over to Brian when you saw the two girls that were with him make their way to the bathrooms

“hey...there Brian,” you were trying to make eye contact with him

“hey”

“you okay?”

he sips his beer as he looks at you

“why wouldn’t I be-”

“HEY Y/N THEY’RE PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE!! LET’S GO~”

you looked over at Brian before your friend dragged you out

you reached out to point at him

“you going?”

usually Brian would say “no” but he was had something else on his mind tonight

he grabs your hand, “yeah”

they people around the circle cheered as you guys showed up

“y/n’s the mvp for bring Brian out here, I can’t even get him to participate most of the time~” Sungjin says

there was all of DAY6 in the circle; a couple of other girls; you and your friend

the guys weren’t comfortable with kissing each other so twist of this game was that if a guy got another guy, they’d have to take off a piece of clothing

“cool let’s start~” 

Jae got Wonpil

Wonpil definitely looked like the innocent one of the group; his face got pink as he took off his hoodie, revealing a white v-cut tee

Wonpil warmed up his hands and spun the bottle; he got you

he instantly went from pink to red

you could say it was the alcohol talking, but you crawled over and wrapped your hand on the back of his head

“OOOHHHHHHHH~”

it was a quick but heated makeout 

Wonpil covered his face after, “thank you”

everyone laughed at his cuteness

except for Brian

“y/n your turn~~”

when the bottle stopped turning and everyone went silent

it was pointed at Brian

he got up and took your hand

“we’re leaving..”

he drags you out of the circle and walks into his room 

cl-click

he closes the door

“what do you think you’re doing?”

he was kind of slurring at his words; tipsy

but you weren’t even feeling anything yet

you furrowed your brows at him

“what are you-”

“are you trying to seduce me?”

“wha-?”

this boy wasn’t going to let you talk; he grabbed your face and started kissing you

not leaving you any room to breathe

he backs you up onto his bed

when you fall onto his bed, he stops kissing you

“BRIAN-”

“IT’S YOUNG K; BUT NO ONE EVER CALLS ME THAT”

“I’m..I’m sorry, Young K...” 

he shook his head

“you should be sorry for other things...”

Young K nuzzles into the crook of your neck and starts marking you

“you should be sorry for looking too good in that dress.. you should be sorry for luring and attracting other guys...you should take responsibility for what you did..”

you tried to hold your voice in; not that anyone could hear it anyways

“what..did I do?”

he laughs

“you made me fall in love with you....”

his hands ghosts over your body and grabs the side to where the zipper was

“can I show you?”

you whimpered as you nodded 

the rest of the night was history

you were the first one to wake up

the sunlight was peeking through the curtains

you were only wearing his flannel button-downed shirt; you looked over at him, his arm was snaked around your waist

slightly snoring; he had on a black tank top and his grey sweats

you remembered that you had to take care of him after your guys’ heated session because he had more drinks than you did

you had time to rinse down and take off your makeup

you also tucked him in bed; you were going to leave.. but he insisted that you stayed..

the clock turned 8; you were just looking at him

(he’s more daring than he appears to be...but for some reason, he looked so sweet and soft) you caught yourself having those thoughts

you tried your best to sneak out of bed

but you feel him pull you back

“I can’t have you go..you’ve seen too much of me, I feel exposed..”

he places his chin on top of your head as he pulls you in and sighs deeply

“what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to keep being that “mysteriously chic” guy... that guy everyone thinks I am.. I wanna have fun and chat up with people... but I don’t know how..”

you turned around to face him

“just be yourself.. your real self.. if you say something weird..it’s okay~ you learn from that and continue on..”

you’ve only met him officially yesterday and it’s came down to this situation

he stares at you for a little while longer before saying something

“I partially blame the drinks for what happened yesterday and I know we barely know each other...but...y/n?”

“hmm?”

“can we keep in contact?”

you chuckled at him

“of course... Bri-”

“WHO?”

“Young K..”

END

[masterlist + guidelines]

( ་ ⍸ ་ )

[therandomletters]

Stolen Dance                

7

Being back home was exactly what I needed, I love living in Manhattan, my friends, being in the college I had always dreamt about, but nothing compared to what I was feeling in the short time I had been back. Sure, it is also harder in other aspects like the fact that not all of us were back and I didn’t know when I would see my two missing sisters and specially coming back home for a holiday celebration where my mom wouldn’t be present.

Besides the few cons I can’t believe I didn’t decide to come visit sooner, but let’s focus on the positive – I was back home at the perfect time, snowing time. For some reason all the Rogers’ kids, including me, love the cold and the snow, building snowmen, snowball wars, races down the hill with our boards, it’s a whole deal – which is pretty funny considering our dad hates the cold.

Although I am having a great time outside with my younger siblings my head is somewhere else, I have noticed something is going on these past few days, something I’m not being included in. I can see the looks my dad and Sutton give each other, how Cam is trying to be more involved in helping around the house – something is nothing like her, she tries to stay out of everyone’s way. I must admit it, I don’t like not knowing what it’s the thing they’re keeping from me and that Monday morning I finally found out, all by myself.

“Sutton, where is James?” he hadn’t been at breakfast, but I assumed he would join the rest of us outside for the annual Rogers’ winter games.

“in bed, he says we can play without him” and Sutton gives me that expression. Tight lips, avoiding eye contact and a deep sight. That is the ‘he’s having one of his days’ kind of expression.

In that moment I’d had enough, because it’s the second day in a row he is having ‘a day’. Am I being irrational? Of course, I get it’s not something he chooses, but if trying to drag him out of bed does something good believe me I’m gonna try.

“Get up” my tone is firm as I slide the curtains so the light could come into the pitch black room. James is quick to pull the covers over his head though.

“I’m not playing Jazz, leave” the lifeless tone of his voice was scary - to describe it somehow. It wasn’t one I had witnessed a lot nor I wanted to.

“Come on, Peggy and Nat aren’t here, don’t make this even shittier” I can’t say I’m proud when I use the ‘trying to make him feel bad about us’ card, but James is a very sensitive boy, he cares deeply about the people he loves and if he can do something to make them happy he’s taking the chance.

“I don’t care” that’s when you know he’s not having ‘a day’, when he doesn’t care it’s when you know he’s really bad.

“Are you taking your meds?” I regret the question the second it escapes my lips. I shut my eyes tight and take a deep breath “I didn’t-“

“Yes, you did” he cuts me off “leave the fucking room Jazz… now”

I stay silent, actually considering what he wants me to do, but leaving it’s not gonna make things better, so instead of leaving I sit on the edge of his bed, feeling the bed shift under my weight and how he made the effort to move away from me. Can’t lie, the gesture hurts.

At that point I didn’t know what to say, I almost ask if something had happened with Alex, but I’m quick to realize that is not a good question to ask in that moment. As far as I know they haven’t talked since they broke up, but then again Alex was back in town and it wouldn’t be that crazy if he had tried to contact him.

However, I know this isn’t about Alex. The moment my eyes land on his old sketchbook on his nightstand I have my answer. It was open on a specific page, a drawing of what I recall is an old picture of James and my mom from many years ago, I think James was five or something – but that is not the point.

I reach to grab the sketchbook with a sad smile on my face, seeing things like those were a bittersweet reminder of what we used to have. As my fingers trail through the perfect lines on the page a glance over where James is still hiding under the covers. He is such an amazing artist; I can’t believe he dropped out art school. God, I still remember the day he came back home, he was a mess and went straight to his room to start destroying every drawing, sketch or piece of art he had ever created.

Of course my dad stopped him the second the damage started, he put away all of James’ art supplies in case he decided to try and destroy them again. He believes James would regret doing it later at some point in his life, so the solution became putting it all in a safe place – apparently James had kept some of them, although I haven’t seen him drawing in the longest time.

“I miss her too” every single day, I don’t think that feeling ever stops, in my head it’s almost like our mom is still here and sometimes I would think about calling her to tell her something that had happened – that is when reality hits the hardest, when you remember you can’t call.

I had to wipe the tear rolling down my cheek, I don’t know at what point I had started crying. There was no response from James’ part so I continued “you know she would hate seeing you like this, right?” at least that is what I tell myself to keep going, but of course James didn’t care “Why don’t you just come outside? It’s not that cold and we haven’t started the games yet”

“I said leave” the muffled sound of his voice sounded even more broken than before, maybe I shouldn’t have come into the room.

When I was about to put the sketchbook back on the nightstand something fell from between the pages, it was a folded paper and of course I picked it up and opened it to see what that was.

To my surprise it was a medical report, obviously it was James’ by what I read, what my mind couldn’t understand was the rest of the content on that report. It talked about a concussion, several injuries on the rest of the body, a broken rib and all caused by a car crash. When had James been in a car crash? According to the report about a month ago.

“When did you get into a car crash?” the frown on my face made clear how confused and angry I was at the same time “and why no one told me anything?”

At the lack of response from James I pulled from the covers, making him pull harder from his side. I was done trying to be understanding and careful.

“James stop! Tell me what the hell happened!” he got outside his improvised den of sheets and snatched the piece of paper from my hands, tearing it apart in front of my face.

“leave me alone” he said, throwing the pieces of paper in my direction.

I hated to admit it, but he looked terrible, by his greasy hair I could tell he hadn’t showered in a couple days and by the dark bags under his eyes it was obvious he wasn’t getting any sleep, he just looked like a complete stranger.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what happened” I tried my hardest to keep myself together after that heartbreaking image in front of me.

“I got into a car crash! I fell asleep while driving and got out of the road” how is that no one had told me about this, that wasn’t fair “and no, I didn’t get out of the road on purpose” he added when I didn’t say anything.

He put the covers back over his head and didn’t let me even say I didn’t think that was the case.

Trying anything else would be useless, so I slide the curtains back into their original position to block the light and left the room.

Now I definitely couldn’t just play games outside in the snow, I had to do something to help James and I need to find out the reason why they hadn’t told me about the accident. I needed to find my dad.

“Cam, where’s dad?” I ask as I step outside, after looking for him all over the house.

“He left, something about groceries, going to the Barnes’ and doing I don’t know what with Sam” my sister mumbled, not taking her eyes off her phone for a second.

I could just call him, tell him to come home as soon as possible or I could just wait until he is back to talk, but I’m impatient, I can’t sit around doing nothing, so I opt for taking a walk over to the Barnes’, not like I go there every day or anything like that anyways. Besides the landscape all covered in snow is pretty to look at on my way there.

It’s a nice walk considering there is no cars on the road and the streets have been taken by the kids, who are enjoying their snowball fights, how I wish we could just go back in time to when we were kids and things were easier.

That time when James would go after Alex the whole time because he would keep him safe from Sutton trying to bury the young boy in the snow. Or the time when Caleb and me tied Cam’s ankles and dragged her all around the backyard until we got caught and we got time out, which lasted less than a minute because the second our parents looked away we were running away again, yeah it doesn’t sound like we were very nice kids, but it was still fun.

I was so distracted by the memories that by the time I heard the warning being yelled at me it was too late. I got ran by someone coming down a hill on their board. I gotta admit it was scariest the impact than what happened, because I didn’t get hurt, whoever was on the board caught me and I didn’t fly into the cold snow.

“I’m so sorry I was distracted and I didn’t realize people were coming down the hill” I tried to get up as fast as I could while I apologized repeatedly.

“Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing? I ran you over” the boy chuckled getting up from his board “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I think” when I took a better look I saw he was, in fact, a hot boy. And this was an awkward situation, but I’m a specialist with these “Gotta keep going, you better stop running people over”

That’s how you solve an awkward situation, you turn around and keep walking hoping you don’t run into that person ever again.

“You’re Jazz, right?” yeah, unless they already know who you are.

I turn in the boy’s direction once again, squinting my eyes and trying to take in the details of his face to see if I can remember who the hell is him and why does he knows me “aren’t you Alex and Caleb’s Barnes sister? The one dating Cain?” I can’t help but laugh at the assumption, it wasn’t the first time that had happened.

“Try again… boy I don’t even know” was I making clear enough I didn’t know he was? At least he found it funny because he laughed.

“I’m Kyle Gilfoy, I was in the football team” now I’m even more confused because I don’t remember a Kyle in the team at all “you were a cheerleader and I’m a hundred percent sure you were dating Beckett Cain, or at least you enjoyed making out before the games” wow, did he enjoy watching or what?

“Yeah, we used to date, but I’m not Alex and Caleb’s sister” I have to admit I was frustrated I couldn’t remember his face or his name, it made the whole encounter pretty uncomfortable since he knew so much about me “and I really gotta go, sorry”

“Sure, see you around” he smiled waving at me before I turned around to keep going to the Barnes’, now thinking what the hell had just happened.

Kyle Gilfoy played by Jacob Elordi

[jetandthebennies]

Into You (7/?)

Summary- It seems with event season rolling on, you find yourself in Tom's presence more and more, which gives you the perfect opportunity to show him who's got the upper hand.

AN- Tbh I'm not really sure, give me feedback though! I love hearing from you guys, shout me a message here

REQUESTS  PART 6

PART SEVEN - SIDE TO SIDE

In recent weeks, since your brilliant time at the BAFTAS, you'd found yourself int he company of Darren more and more. Yeah, the hot guy with no name, that was Darren. Although the at first you were rather put off by the name he had put into your phone, and you even questioned him to make sure that was his actual name.

"Darren? That's your name?"

He turned back to you, as he had been walking towards the exit, leaving He did promise to meet up with you the next day though. Darren chuckled, rubbing his chin, before looking down at his feet briefly.

"Last time I checked my birth certificate, yes it is."

His answer made you realise your almost disgusted tone, and instantly you could feel your entire face burn up. Despite the layer of foundation Sean had smacked onto your face, you were certain that Darren could still see your obvious embarrassment. If not from your red face, then defiantly from the way you could no longer get your words out. You were left there standing gaping like a fish.

Darren took a couple pf steps towards you, placing a hand safely on your waist, not in a suggestive way just comforting. It didn't feel right. His hand was too big, unlike Tom's who were just perfect, and they felt freezing. Toms however were never cold, he couldn't stand it knowing he made you shiver.

You had to ignore the pang of emptiness echo through your stomach, and instead focus on his eyes, which were nearly the same colour as Toms.

Stop. He's not Tom so stop trying to make him Tom!

"Hey, it's ok. I get that reaction more than I'd like to admit."

Covering your recovering red face with your hands, you couldn't help but lean into him for a slight moment. His body didn't fit together well with yours thought.

Stop!

"I'm so sorry, it sounded a lot worse out loud, than in my head."

"It's ok, you could always make it up to me by going out for lunch with me tomorrow."

The two of you had lunch. It was... Adequate. Sure, Darren was nice, but the conversation was dull. Nothing compared to the conversations you have with Sean, or any other friends, or even him.

It may of looked cute to onlookers, those who had no idea of your relationship status, or the fact you were indeed about to start a game of jealousy with your secret ex nobody knew about.

However, nobody thought to question the fact you and Darren might just be friends. Instead pictures were plastered all over the internet by the time you got home. Sean obviously saw, and proceeded to knock furiously on the door and let himself in.

He shoved his phone in your face, blocking you from the sight of the ever so handsome Tate Langdon.

It took a couple of seconds for it to finally click in your head what you were reading, and that the picture in the middle of the article was actually you. The caption underneath the slightly blurred photo read, see Y/N and her new beau Darren Jones.

You stared at the article, not reading it, for a good ten minutes, whilst Sean paced in front of the TV muttering some crap.

You, were not panicking lie your firs thought you would be, you were plotting instead.

Looking back now, it must of freaked Sean out a bit to look back at you and see you grinning at his phone.

"Don't you understand? Tom is gonna see this Y/N!"

"Exactly."

“I have corrupted you beyond belief.”

Now you were standing in the middle of a club, half asleep after being shoved on a plane to god knows where, at 2am. You had been poked and prodded with various makeup brushes and combs, from Sean and his new assistant.

You'd been looking forward to the trip a first, until you told Darren about it and he revealed that he'd be at the same event. Just when you'd thought you had finally gotten a break from him, he find a loophole. Though Sean had ever so kindly pointed out that Tom would also be at the same club.

The thought of Tom being there sent some tingles down your spine. The rush of adrenaline flowing through your veins. Almost as if you were playing with fire, and in some ways you were. If this got out, that you and Tom were together, and are playing games with each other despite technically being in relationships. It would ruin you.

But you refused to look at the negative. All you wanted was a reaction out of Tom, some way to prove to you that he still had feelings from you. You yearned to see the glint jealousy in his chocolate brown eyes, just like he used to have when you dated previously.

So far though, Tom hadn't even acknowledged you. That may be because of the ever increasingly annoying blonde that was glued to his side, or the fact that Darren had refused to come away from the bar, even for one dance. Which left you sitting on one of the leather bar stools, pushed into the corner, out of sight and apparently Toms mind.

You could see his hand on her waist, gripping her tightly, just like he rested his hand on you at the BAFTAS. You couldn't help the feeling of jealousy surge through you at that moment, and you almost scolded yourself for when you realised you were here with someone, and were yearning after someone else.

Yet, you couldn't draw your eyes away from his hand. You didn't think he could ever see you from your darkened corner. Your theories were crushed when you felt the burning of eyes on you, and saw his smirking face thanks to the flashing lights.

Feeling the blush climb up your face, you leans in closer to Darren so he could hear you over the music.

"I'll be on the dance floor, feel free to join me."

You left quickly, desperately hoping he wouldn't follow. As much as he was nice, he was about as interesting as a piece of wood, or maybe that was purely because he had absolutely nothing on your previous relationship.

I been here all night, I been here all day, And boy, got me walkin' side to side

The swing in your hips came almost naturally as you walked, knowing he would still be watching from afar. Admiring you like a piece of art in a museum; look but don't touch. That thought plagued him now more that ever.

Now he couldn't have you, he needed you.

Not just sounding dramatic either, he wanted your touch on his skin, your lips on his and your voice flooding his ears. He wanted the girl who had wrapped his arm around her, scaring him a little, to be you.

Because he missed you just as much as you missed him. But he wouldn't never confess to it, now he had the chance to win you back and beat you at the competition you now had.

It didn't take much to get lost in the song, dancing along with other people in the crowd, who couldn't really care less who you were.

I'm talking to you See you standing over there with your body Feeling like I wanna rock with your body And we ain't gotta think bout nothing, bout nothing

He knew what you were planning the second you started to dance with the guy next to you. You didn't care who he was, but he had his arms around your waist, and his front on your back. And Tom's glare blistering into you.

I'm coming at you, Cause I know you got a bad reputation Doesn't matter, cause you give me temptation, And we don't gotta think bout nothing, bout nothing

"Excuse me."

Tom gently lifted his arm from around her before she could protest, and disappeared into the ever growing crowd.

The more you danced, the less you thought about who you were dancing with. All that mattered was that you were finally having a good time, after getting lost in the crowd, away from Darren. And you could feel the small amounts of alcohol and adrenaline rushing through your veins, driving you on.

In fact you were so caught up in dancing, you didn't realise the hands that had been around you, had disappeared. Until they were replaced with an all too familiar touch, which sent tingles throughout your body.

These friends keep talkin' way too much Say I should give you up Can't hear them, no, 'cause I...

You couldn't keep the smile off your face, even when you bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself looking too smug.

Slowly you turned around, so you were now front to front, and you could help but admire the almost possessive gaze in his eyes as he looked down at you.

His eyes roamed all over any skin that was highlighted under the constant flashing lights, which kept you hidden in plain sight.

"Jealous, are we?"

Tom finally tore his eyes from you, and found the ceiling interesting as he rolled his head up, trying to ignore your expression.

"Oh, please, what do I have to be jealous of?"

He let a chuckle slip from between his lips as he saw your face change dramatically, like you had to prove something. And now you felt like you had to. You wanted to make Tom eat his words, and regret ever suggesting such a thing.

Reaching up, your lips brushed his own, and you could hear his breath hitch, even over the booming music. You moved your lips to his ear, just before he crossed the rest of the distance to connecting your lips together.

"I guess you're about to find out."

Wrapping your hands around his wrists, you reluctantly released your self from his grip, and walked back to Darren who hadn't really missed your absence much. Though as you walked, you made sure to keep the sly swing in you hips, to keep his attention.

I've been here all night I've been here all day And boy, got me walkin' side to side I've been here all night I've been here all day And boy, got me walkin' side to side

When you got to Darren, you pulled his hand, which was reaching for the drink he had just ordered. Dragged him more into the light, knowing at least then your next action wouldn't be totally wasted.

Darren looked confused in the least, after being forced into the lights, after spending so long in the dark.

Raising your hands around his neck, you ignored everything inside you telling you to stop, and pressed your lips against Darren's. It didn't take him long to return the action. His right hand cradling your head, and his other around your waist.

It wasn't nice, it was just okay. But that was because the person you want to be kissing right now is only a few metres away watching unwillingly.

When you broke apart, you didn't give Darren the chance to utter a single word, instead you dragged him to the exit of the club. Picking a path that would ensure you walking past Tom.

The second you laid eyes on him, you could see the jealousy bubbling inside him, even though he would never commit it.

You had to rub it in though; that he was.

So just as you were about to pass him, you whispered in his ear, an action that would look like you accidentally bumped into him if they were watching.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

INTO YOU TAGS

@buckys-baby @afangirlssoul @marveldirewolf @monsis-world @flawlesslybeautiful14 @mrsbatman-robin @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @dah-knee-cuh @littlefrenchnuage @143amberrose @hollxndtom @andy-winchester-67 @1022bridgetp @wolfgamzee @brianabreeze @howlingbarnes @les-deux-pianos @rejectcentral @stormin-thru-glitter @spawn-of-the-devil @prcfessorlupin @all-t0-y0u @hannanorman07 @pcter-parker 

PERMANENT TAGS

@bucky-with-the-metal-arm @johnmurphys-sass @princess-scamander @latenightbooknerd @tomhollandlibrary @fandom-flash @spawn-of-the-devil

[another-writer]

Begin Again: Chapter 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 End Word count: 2,373 Warnings: a couple of swear words, mention and brief description of a panic attack (Tags at the end)

Bucky had been standing at the head of the bench press spotting Steve for the past twenty minutes, only half concentrating on his friend. Steve could handle dropping the weight on himself, probably. His mind was still reeling from the conversation he had had with you last night on the balcony. He had woken up at two in the morning and had ran into you in the kitchen when he got up to make himself some green tea to calm himself down.

He figured Sam had been exaggerating, but dammit the tea actually helped. 

Bucky knew that as much as you liked to talk, you also treasured your peace and so he hadn’t expected for your eyes to widen momentarily as you took in his panic-stricken form. You had been in the compound for … almost a month? And yet it was so easy to open up to you.

‘What are you thinking so hard about?’ Steve panted. 

Bucky blinked, losing his staring contest with the wall opposite. ‘Nothing,’ 

‘If you wanted to ask her out, she’d say yes.’

Bucky snapped out of his daze, looking down at his friend, but stayed calm. Steve was a dork but he was also observant, especially when it came to his teammates. Bucky wasn’t surprised that Steve picked up on his crush. 

‘I don’t think so,’ Bucky replied, abandoning Steve on the bench and hooking up a punching bag at the opposite end of the room. ‘She’s just being friendly.’

Steve smirked. ‘She doesn’t take the time to coax everyone back to sleep, Buck.’

Bucky blushed furiously. ‘How’d you know about that? And she doesn’t do it all the time, just happened like twice.’ 

‘Still, that’s more than enough.’

Bucky tried to suppress his broad smile. ‘You know she told me to screw Hydra,’ he chuckled.

‘What?’ Steve laughed breathlessly, resting the bar in place and sitting up.

‘No seriously, it was awesome,’ Bucky said. ‘I mean, I appreciate everyone’s patience but I think I needed to hear that.’

‘You’re only proving my point,’ Steve said knowingly. 

Bucky made a face and shook his head. ‘We’re friends, Steve, but I don’t think she’d want someone with so much baggage. Relationships are different.’

‘You’re just talking hypothetically,’ Steve argued. 

‘Steve, she -’ Bucky scowled. ‘She’s like the sun, y’know? She’s so good at everything I’m terrible at and she’s so smart and she’s gonna graduate from college and have this fancy high-tech job and fucking live this life that I can’t be a part of because I’m still trying to learn what the fuck this century even is!’

Steve surveyed his friend as he voiced all his thoughts that had been accumulating for the past few weeks; maybe longer, maybe since he had come out of cryo in Wakanda. It wasn’t news to Bucky that his experience under Hydra was an unfortunate, horrific chain of events that were never a result of his own doing, and although Bucky was still healing from his past he didn’t quite need to be comforted as much on the issue. It was that Bucky felt like he was falling behind; it was combination of his PTSD and his frustration with his PTSD, and the incredibly rational fear of his captors and the organisation they were part of. Bucky was just scared. 

‘I really like her but I like being her friend and I don't ... I don't want to push my luck.’

After three weeks of living in the compound, the butterflies in your stomach were getting increasingly harder to ignore. Around you, Bucky completely eased into this charming, dorky, guy whose smile could reverse climate change and outshine the sun. 

The worst part was that there was a completely rational part of you that was content with being Bucky’s friend - not only that, but that part of you knew that it was the best thing for him. The man was only just starting to adjust to life here after seventy years spent as a weapon, two spent alone trying to salvage bits and pieces of himself to construct a new level of normalcy, and then ending up in the middle of a crisis resulting in being sent back into cryo. Bucky didn’t need a love life, he needed a friend (besides mum-friend Steve) and you were more than happy to fill in the blanks. 

And then there was the irrational, irritating part of you that wanted nothing more than for Bucky to grab you and kiss you until you couldn’t breathe. You wanted everything you had with him now - the times when you taught him basic mechanics, binge-watching Parks and Recreation after everyone had gone to sleep, midnight pizzas, and drag races (him in one of Stark’s flashy cars, you on your first born child-slash-motorcycle) … You just wanted to kiss him while you did all of that. 

And of course there was the one most poignant worst moment of your life where you and Bucky were driving together just to get some time away from the bustle of the compound; the sun was setting, highlighting the sky with brilliant fiery oranges and golden hues and the light kissed his skin and made his eyes glow like stars or water when the moonlight hit it just right. There was a comfortable silence in the car, save for the music coming from your phone which you had plugged into the speaker system. You were passing through the older, more crooked part of Brooklyn when Bucky knitted his eyebrows and said -

‘I think I used to live here.’

You turned in the passenger’s seat to face him. ‘Really? How can you tell?’

Bucky turned the car back around, circling around the block. ‘There’s gotta be a street sign somewhere,’ he muttered under his breath. ‘Yeah, look!’

Bucky ended up parking the car on the pavement. You both got out and he lead you down between two decrepit apartment buildings; the fire escapes were rusting, black paint chipped, and the brickwork was starting to crumble. Still, with the way the setting sun was hitting the buildings and casting long shadows from the window panes across the walls, it was picturesque. 

Bucky made a point of walking next to you, so close that your arms brushed together. He had his hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket.

‘It used to be kinda sketchy,’ he admitted by means of explanation. ‘But Steve and I lived close to each other and there was this lady who lived with her niece next door and they were always real nice to us. Steve and I used to babysit her niece in the summer while she was at work …’

You smiled at him as he spoke endlessly about his days here. It was the first time he had told you memories of his past before Bucharest, before Hydra, before that period of time where his lifeline knotted and frayed and unraveled. You knew that Steve must have been aiding Bucky in regaining his memories and that there was a time where Bucky held no emotion for the things that he remembered while he tried to place himself back in some sort of timeline, but right here you sensed that Bucky knew he had reasons to be happy. It was all you could ever really ask for, all you realised you wanted for him.

Bucky broke off his sentence, looking at you and realising you had been staring at him. ‘And, yeah, that’s - that’s how we …’

You smirked at his blush and looked away. 

‘What?’ Bucky ducked his head down, smiling nervously, that animated glint still prevalent in his eyes.

You shook your head lightly unable to stifle your smile. ‘Your Brooklyn accent was getting really strong there.’

Living in the compound also meant picking up on the habits of your housemates, meaning you soon found that your window of solidarity rested between one and five o’clock in the morning. No one slept before eleven; people would start to wake at five; no one slept after nine a.m. (except Wanda who, like you, appreciated the art of sleeping until the sun was high in the sky sometimes. You really liked Wanda); Between eleven at night and one in the morning, Sam, Natasha, and Bucky would be playing video games and binge-eating. You loved the team but you also loved being alone sometimes. 

Which was why you were surprised to see Steve in the kitchen at two in the morning. If not asleep, he should have been in the gym.

‘Shouldn’t you be beating the living sand out of a punching bag, Cap?’ you asked as you dug around in the fridge looking for last night’s leftovers. You’d be damned if Sam got to the vegetable lo mein before you did.

‘I wanted to talk to you,’ he replied. 

‘How’d you know I’d be awake?’

‘FRIDAY monitors our activity,’ said Steve smiling somewhat tauntingly; his arms were folded over his chest. ‘I figured a genius such as yourself would know that over a hundred year old man.’

You rolled your eyes. ‘What do you want, Steve?’

‘What’s going on between you and Bucky?’

You choked on the mouthful of noodles, eyes streaming as you took several sips of water to calm yourself down. 

‘What?’ you coughed.

Steve seemed completely unphased by your shock. He didn’t say anything. 

‘Me … Bucky and I - no, there’s nothing,’ you said trying to sound calm.

Steve stayed quiet.

‘I’m serious,’ you emphasised. 

Steve blinked. 

You scoffed. ‘I think Barnes is a little too old for me, Cap, no thanks. We’re just friends, I’m catching him up on something called the twenty-first century, mother, so - I don’t think so.’

There was another beat of silence where your heartbeat pounded in your ears and blood crept up your neck, a blush colouring your cheeks.

Steve quirked an eyebrow and smiled. ‘He’s the same way.’

You paused. ‘What?’

‘He likes you.’

You shook your head and smiled self-deprecatingly. ‘I know that relationships work a little differently now but you’re reading too much into this, Cap. Bucky and I are friends.’

‘I haven’t seen him like this - ever,’ Steve added. ‘Even when we were in high school, Bucky was never this carefree.’

‘It doesn’t matter, Steve,’ you said firmly. ‘I don’t even like him, I have the emotional range of a grape.’

‘That’s not true.’ The bastard didn’t even acknowledge your grape comment. 

‘Steve, I’m not some saving grace that’s gonna get Bucky out of whatever pit he’s in.’

‘That’s the point though, that’s why he likes you,’ Steve implored. ‘Bucky’s been through hell and all he wants is to move on from that. Stark and Natasha thought it best to throw him into missions to get his mind focused but you’re grounding him. I don’t wanna sound dramatic -’

‘You are dramatic, Captain I-Don’t-Need-A-Parachute,’ you grumbled.

‘But you’re basically giving Bucky a reason to be happy here.’

‘Anyone who makes that guy a new arm would,’ you muttered. ‘And that doesn’t mean that he feels anything for me.’

‘You don’t see the way he looks at you,’ Steve argued, ‘and he’s too shy to say anything.’

You stared at him, speechless, with your arms folded, your snack abandoned on the kitchen counter. How does he look at me? The question was on the tip of your tongue but …

‘Bucky’s nice and all, Steve, but I don’t think he’s interested,’ you mumbled. ‘Now,’ you cleared your throat, ‘if you aren’t going to damage Tony’s gym equipment, then I will.’ 

On your way out, you passed through the dead silent corridor, pausing when you noticed that Bucky’s door was ajar. Approaching cautiously, with a stealth Natasha would be proud of, you peered through the gap.

Bucky was sitting on the edge of his bed hunched forward with his head in his hands breathing raggedly; Natasha was sitting next to him, close but not touching. You could hear her murmuring words you couldn’t understand - she was speaking in Russian. You remembered Natasha once saying that she wanted to give Bucky some positive affiliation with fragments of his past, including the language of Bucky’s days as the Winter Soldier.

Bucky was rubbing his hand harshly over his heart. His eyes were screwed shut.

Natasha must have sensed you were there because she looked up and beckoned you closer; as if pulled by an invisible string, you complied and sat by Bucky’s left side.

‘Barnes, you okay?’ you breathed, brow creasing when he nodded without looking up.

‘Breathe through your nose,’ you said in the same tone. ‘Nice and slow.’ You did the motions with him. ‘In … and out …’

Bucky repeated your instructions and you could tell by the gradual ease in his shoulders that his breathing was starting to regulate.

‘What happened?’ you murmured to Natasha.

She bit her lip. ‘Panic attack,’ she replied almost silently.

Your first reaction, aside from concern, was a total lack of thought. You had no idea what to do or if you should have even interrupted. Natasha clearly seemed to have a handle on things, much better than you could have ever done. Despite your fast friendship with Bucky, talking him through a panic attack was not on your resume.

Apparently, Natasha didn’t think the same.

You took a deep breath and swallowed your nerves. You just needed Bucky to be okay.

You knelt down in front of him, one hand cupping the back of his neck and rubbing it gently with your thumb, and the other squeezing his knee. Keeping one hand on his neck, you brought the other to his chin, prompting him to look at you. His eyes were circled with darkening shadows and were streaming with fatigue. You smiled softly at him, brushing the hair at the nape of his neck soothingly.

‘I-it was -’

‘You’re fine,’ you hushed. ‘Breathe now, tell me later, yeah? We’ve got all the time in the world,’ you smirked gently.

It was like clockwork the way you were with him.

‘C’mon,’ you prompted, handing him a glass of water that Natasha had left next to you ont he floor. ‘Small sips.’

You could feel another set of eyes boring into you and you shifted your eyes past Bucky’s figure and saw Steve watching you with a raised brow and a knowing smirk - past the despondency he felt for his friend - and then retreating to his room.

You ignored him, pushing his words to the back of your mind. You didn’t need his assumptions that Bucky felt anything non-platonic towards you; right now you just wanted Bucky to get his breathing back to normal and get some sleep.

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