#I used to love the series so much back in the day!

[risuola]

ENTRY #11 ♡ F. READER X GOJO SATORU // I starve for your touch yet fear to savor it.

contents: arranged marriage!au, nudity, reader discretion is advised — wc. 1690

a/n: there was no way i wouldn't write a fic based on this picture. just no way.

series masterlist

Satoru loves to sleep naked.

The beauty of his innate technique, the blessing that he mastered to no end, has stripped him off one of the most basic human needs — touch. He wasn’t missing it that much, he thought, but there was something in letting go of everything and allowing himself to be wrapped in the silky layers of bedsheets that made his body crave the feeling.

He has always picked expensive garments, the ones with soft fabrics and luxurious feel, despite everyone telling him it’s unreasonable to spend so much on a shirt or a pair of trousers, but to him, it did matter. To him, that was the only thing touching his body when a thin layer of infinity effectively forced everything else back. To Satoru, touch was forbidden, threatening. It was a vulnerability that he, the strongest, couldn’t afford.

But that until he’s met you. Until he’s married you.

You were one of not many people he’s made an exception for. You were able to touch him whenever you wanted because the protective surface of endless matter let you in. Because he himself altered his technique to make you capable of laying your hands on his body.

He longed for your touch. So soft, and delicate, and warm. He craved more of it and yet, despite being shameless and confident, he has not allowed himself to sleep bare even once since the day you and him were bound by the knot of matrimony. It would cross boundaries he wasn’t sure you’d wish to cross; it would make you uncomfortable, awkward maybe — and he liked the way your relationship looked like now. He liked the late evenings you talked quietly, alone and intimate in the warm embrace of sheets and your own house.

For you, he let go of the way he used to sleep before because you were worth the sacrifice, but now, you were gone for few days. You were sent on a mission away from Tokyo and the hours Satoru spent alone in bed, thinking of nothing more but your fingertips on top of his skin, made him desperate — and so, he allowed himself the comfort of soft cotton and silk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You were tired. Exhausted even, by the intense fight you had to pull through, by the uncomfortable nights spent in the dingy hotel room, by the humid weather and rains. In moments like this, there was nothing you envied more in the world than your husband’s ability to warp from one place to another, but you got lucky. Incredibly so, because Ijichi offered you a ride home two days earlier than you were supposed to head back and you thanked all gods and devils for that man’s kindness. He was willing to put on some more road just to get you home.

“Thank you so, so much, Ijichi,” you kissed his cheek — a ghost of a peck that made him all red and steamy and you felt giddy for a moment, seeing the tips of his ears turn crimson. Adorable. You liked him, he was dutiful, polite, trustworthy and constantly terrorized by your husband, so you were determined to at least be the Gojo he likes.

“You’re very welcome,” he mumbled and fixed the frames on the bridge of his nose, pushing them up with the tip of his pointer finger. “Have a good rest.”

“You too, Ijichi.”

Then, he was gone and you were stepping into the house with a deep sense of relief washing over you. Home sweet home. If you were to guess, it was most likely somewhere around 4 am, way too early for anyone to be up — especially your husband — so you gave it your all to stay as quiet as possible. The sun was just showing its first rays from way below the horizon line, crawling up with golden hues and breaking the nightly, navy darkness.

On your toes you moved across the house. It seemed as if Gojo was spending his time alone quite ordinarily — you saw a modest stack of empty takeout boxes, much less humble pile of candy wrappers and his uniform jacket thrown over the couch backrest, along with few other little items that you struggled to differentiate in the nocturnal haze.

You put down your bag, hung up your coat and pushed off the shoes. Ghosting your way towards the bathroom, you were desperate to wash away the combat residuals. You lathered up the shower gel in a rush, desperate to rest and sleep in the comfort of your own bed and then, wrapped in the towel, you tippy-toed to the bedroom, but—

“Came back earlier?”

—you truly didn’t expect to be met with a sight like this. Your husband was awake, just barely, most likely awaken by the water running in the bathroom. His eyes were closed, hidden underneath his forearm and shielded from the lights that were slowly creeping inside, between the dark curtains and onto his face. His body seemed relaxed between the sheets. The softest, gentlest lines of golden glimmer that painted its patterns over his uncovered chest and leg, his hip and one of the muscular arms. The duvet was covering less than half of him, hiding a part of his stomach, the other leg and—

“You’re staring.”

Satoru didn’t even have to look at you to know that your gaze was lingering on his frame. On his very, very naked frame, just barely concealed by the comforter.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, feeling the heat creeping up your cheeks and reaching the tips of your ears and you thanked the darkness for hiding it away. You walked around the bed, hoping to find your pajama where you left it and trying to force your head out of the gutter. You heard your husband letting out a deep exhale and then, a soft hum. His voice was as melodic as always, though you could tell how much sleepiness was laced into it.

Satoru should’ve notice you when you entered the area of your house, but he didn’t. Tired by his own job, by the classes and all of the meetings, he allowed himself to lower his guard and when he realized you’re home, he contemplated for a moment getting up and dressed, but he just didn’t want to.

“You’re exhausted, screw pajamas, just come here,” he said before he managed to think twice about it. It was a daring offer, inappropriate even and he opened his mouth to apologize for it, but then, you rendered him speechless.

Your weight felt good on top of him. You lay your body over his own with feathery gentleness and carefully maneuvered your way to rest on his chest completely. The touch of your skin flush to his own made his brain to short circuit, it felt divine, too good to be true and just so very right, he couldn’t say a word.

“Is that alright?” You asked quietly, pressing your ear right above his heart and letting out a breath that you held for a little too long. Your face felt hot, you were flushed and flustered but also oddly at ease with the current position and you wondered for a moment if it was the tiredness that made you so bold.

“More than that,” he replied, pulling the covers to hide you beneath them. He allowed one of his arms to snake around your waist and his lips to kiss the top of your head. “Rest. Sleep well, wifey.”

“Good night.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

10:19 AM

Satoru thought he was dreaming, but the weight on top of him felt too real. The soft scent of citrusy shower gel that lingered on your skin filled in his lungs each time he took a breath in and there was a tickle, he realized — every time his chest raised, a strand of your hair seemed to be moving against his jawline. You were not a dream.

He opened his eyes, blinking few times, adjusting them to the bright light that forced its way into the bedroom and then, he looked at you. You were still very deep asleep, he could tell based off the long inhales you were taking, slow and relaxed, fanning against his peck rhythmically. Your body was mostly on top of him, you were on his chest, your leg was between his and only your hips were resting on the bed. He still had his arm around you, as if making sure you were as close as possible.

It felt incredible. Intimate. It was everything he could have wished for. A touch, skin to skin, so intense it almost took his breath away. He felt nauseous at the thought, realizing that it’s the first time in his life, he’s that close to someone. So impossibly close that just a little bit more and you’d become a part of him. His heartbeat quickened.

It was so right. So awfully correct and at the same time, so very threatening. He felt helpless. Vulnerable. He was at your mercy, he was robbed of everything what made him the strongest, because at this very moment, he was bare. Uncovered before you, wrapped in an embrace that felt loving, that felt soothing, addicting, but if you only wished to hurt him, you’d—

You moved, shifting your weight a little bit, adjusting the position and the way your hand run down his side made him shiver. A soft sound escaped your throat when you let out a deeper exhale. He felt your fingers squeezing the flesh above his hip and then, you relaxed again.

“Your heart is beating so fast,” you whispered, not bothering to open your eyes, and Satoru held his breath. “Relax…”

And he chuckled. His chest vibrated below your ear and the adorable sound of displeasure you let out made him lose all of the tension. He turned, twisting his body inside your embrace to face you fully and he squeezed you with both of his arms, pulling you close. So impossibly close, and you whimpered, suddenly enclosed in a tight hold of your husband’s limbs. That was it for your sleep.

You could get used to it.

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[bluejutdae]

best friend Stray Kids saving you (or being saved by you) from a bad date | Hyunjin x you

Chan , Minho, Changbin, Jisung , Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin.

a/n: finally I managed to write the last part of this series, the Hyunjin part! There’s not much “saving” here because I had this dramatic idea in my head and I didn’t want to renounce to it. Enjoy!

The rain outside has been incessant for days, so many that it started to be difficult to recognize the time of the day just by looking at the sky. Everything it’s gray, and you almost forgot about this date. The guy is the cousin of one of your colleagues, and you would have canceled it if only you had a bit more hope. Not on this date, you know it’s gonna end up with you telling the guy it’s not the time for you for a relationship or some other fake excuse, you’ll apologize for wasting his time and the truth is: you do feel sorry for wasting his time, but staying home knowing Hyunjin is probably out there kissing his girlfriend and having fun made you a bit selfish. You ignored him for the last 5 days, after he called you at 2 am and you couldn’t help it but hope it meant something. But what would it mean? You’ll never know, cause you didn’t answer.

Your heartache clings to you like molasses, covers you head to toes, you can feel it under your teeth. You’re so used to it, it doesn’t scare you anymore. But it’s so tiring to wake up everyday and do the same routine: wear your clothes, slip in your shoes, put on your grief, grab your purse. Day after day.

The restaurant you’re having your date at is a nice one, you often order takeout from it. The only downside is that it doesn’t deliver home, so anytime you want its amazing food, you have to get out of your house and come collect it. It’s worth it.

Shivering in your cute top, you nod to something your date just said and reach for the wine glass. You have nothing in common with him, you barely remember his name. Was it Minjoon? Minhyun? Once again something distracts you from the conversation (it’s a monologue, at this point) when you hear your phone chime, signaling a message. And since love is blind, and most days it’s also stupid, you can clearly recognize the tune you use for Hyunjin and Hyunjin only.

You have been ignoring him, but you were sure he didn’t even notice. Ten minutes pass and you’re on the verge of just leaving the date, apologize profusely and go home to cry. The bell on the door chimes as someone enters and, once again not paying attention to the man in front of you, your eyes wanders to look at whoever enters. It could have been a couple grabbing dinner, it could have been parents celebrating their kid’s success, it could have been anyone. But just as love is blind, so is luck. Because it’s Hyunjin who just entered the restaurant, and it’s Hyunjin looking directly at you, eyebrows knit in a frown and a sour expression distorting his lips. You’re frozen in your seat, watching him shaking his head, speaking with a waiter, collecting his dinner and leaving. You can't have him leave like this. Something in your gut is telling you it’s now or never, if you let him go now, you might as well let him go forever. And you’re not ready for that.

In a blur of apologies and confused sentences you leave your share of money on the tablecloth and, grabbing your purse, you flee the restaurant. It doesn’t matter that you left your jacket on the back of your chair, it doesn’t matter that’s it’s pouring outside, it matters only your voice calling his name.

He doesn’t turn, doesn’t stop, keeps on waking under the rain, head down and fast steps. You start doing that awkward running walk, reaching to grab his wrist. This effectively makes him stop, but he looks displeased.

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

“You’re on a date.” He frees himself from your grasp, almost like your touch burns him.

“So?”

“So you��re having dinner with another man. Why would I interrupt?”

“Because you always come say ‘hi’ when you meet me by chance.”

“Not when you’re on a date!” He snips. You’re still both under the rain. For a moment you wonder why he hasn’t insisted on moving under a covering. You haven’t because the cold rain is soothing your nerves, soothing the pain you feel anytime you’re too close to him. Did Icarus feel like this when he was soaring too close to the sun? Did he wish for the rain when the scorching wax burned his skin? Did he love the freedom so much he reveled in the pain, hating it at the same time?

“I never go on dates!”

“Clearly, you do.”

You sigh, “this was my first date in 4 years, Hyune.”

“And I didn’t know you had a date, wanna guess why? Because you ignored me for days!” He uses his free hand to push back the strands of hair that fell on his face, dripping wet.

“I thought you were busy. Last time we talked you were really focused on getting ready to meet your girlfriend. Why would I interrupt that?” He’s baffled, and rightly so. In the past, you had no qualms about texting him at all hours.

“Well, I was focused”, you can hear his mocking tone. When did this transform into a fight? “because I was meeting her to put an end to our relationship, because I realized I’ll never be in love with her because I am crazy in love with you. And I tried to call you because I needed to tell you so, I needed to know I did the right thing. I thought this wasn’t one sided. And yet you ignored me and- fuck” he laughs disheartened. “-and went on a date with another man.”

“I- you, what?” You blink rapidly, drops of rain blurring your sight. “You broke up with her? For…” you can’t say it. You can’t bring yourself to say ‘for me’, because it’d make it real. And it could be the best thing or the worst thing. Or both, at the same time. Did Icarus ever think he’d succeed? Did he ever consider he could fly, escape and be free; or did he -like you- only ever imagined failure in front of him? Was he like you, swimming stroke after stroke towards something, wishing for the best but never thinking it could come true? There’s a certain push that animates the despairings, there’s no fight or flight response. There’s only the pilgrimage towards the unreachable goal.

“For you.”

A beat passes. Another. Another one.

“Since when?”

“Since you held my hand after that nightmare. Since I realized I'm not scared when I’m with you.”

There’s something they don’t tell you about desperation, about wanting something so bad that you can feel it missing from your own body. For weeks, for months, you get used to the longing, the yearning. When you can finally wrap your hands around his shoulder, when you can press your lips against his and hear him utter a soft groan, all that you used to feel transforms into electricity, it runs through your whole body and sets you aflame from the inside. This kind of burning, though? It’s a welcomed feeling.

[daycourtofficial]

Blood moon in Autumn

Pairing: Eris x Rhys’s sister!reader | WC: 1.3k | warnings: mentions of nudity, mentions of sex, mentions of violence

Summary: fae cycles are no joke, but your mate is always there to provide you comfort in the best way possible: by being your personal heating pad

Author’s note: this is part of my gingerfucker series, however this can be read as a standalone. @writingcroissant actually gave me the idea for this so everyone say thanks Tori 🥰

Death was imminent, you were sure of it. Every fiber of your being ached, the pain emanating from your lower abdomen through the rest of your body. It felt like someone was stabbing you with a rusted, dull knife, the blade carving out your insides slowly at their leisure.

You heard your bedroom door open and close, footsteps coming towards the bed. You groan in greeting as the steps get closer.

“Just leave me here to die, Er.”

A soft chuckle makes its way to your ears, despite the layers of blankets you are burrowed beneath, the blankets not offering you the comfort you so desperately crave.

“You’ll be remembered for even in death, your flare for the dramatics never faltered.”

You push your face from the blankets, allowing your face to be seen. You scowl towards your mate, his smirk making you want to push him from the window. You take in the sight of him - he had changed into more relaxed clothes since you saw him last. Gone is his formal jacket, a deep red velvet with golden leaf embroidery. The garment would make anyone look like court royalty, but on Eris it made him look positively radiant, as if the fires of Autumn truly originated from him, as if the apple orchards and the crops found their nutrients from him. You loved when he wore it, your fingers tracing the fine embroidery along the lapel as you would straddle his lap, grinding softly-

You groaned, the idea of moving so much making you nauseous and slightly dizzy.

Now he wore a loose, billowy shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, casual brown trousers covering his toned legs. If it were any other day, you’d devour him. Any other day, you’d pull him directly into bed, pushing his clothes off of him, neither of you leaving bed until you slipped his shirt on to grab the two of you some pastries.

Instead, the sight of him made you slightly annoyed - he seemed fine as he set down a tray on the table next to you. He was fine this morning when he rose, having to tend to some things before returning. You were dying, and he was perfectly fine. You groaned, shifting to sit up on your elbows. “What’s this?”

“I believe those of us who leave our beds call it ‘food’.”

His smirk disappears at the pillow that hits his feet. He sends you a withering glare that just makes you scoff. “That could have hit the tray of coffee I made for you.”

You perked up at the sound of coffee - you were sure the warm liquid would at least distract your insides. Or at least provide you some comfort.

You’d take anything at this point.

“Did you make the coffee? Or did you just prepare the tray?”

“What difference does it make? Coffee is coffee.”

“Well, if Jora made it, then I aimed perfectly for your feet.”

“What if it was my coffee?”

“Then I would have aimed for the tray.”

He gives you a withering stare, his fingers halting their movements. “Now that’s no way to treat your mate who lovingly made you coffee.”

You squint your eyes, “if it’s my mate that’s making the coffee, it’s more of an assassination attempt than love.”

“You wound me, my love.” Despite your grievances, he continues preparing your cup exactly as you like it.

“Is the wound fatal?”

“Perhaps.”

“I shall pay my respects at your funeral, then. With my next husband.”

His eyebrow quirks as he rests the cup on your side table before he rounds the bed, peeling back the layers of blankets on top of you. He crawls in behind you, his body heat causing you to melt.

“Next husband?”

“I will get lonely. Besides, the hounds need a male’s touch. They’ll grow soft under me.”

“And who is this next husband? Is he capable of this?”

Before you can ask what ‘this’ is, he slides his arm around your waist, his palm lying flat over your lower abdomen, his fingers spreading across your skin. Your skin began heating under his touch, and you moaned at the relief he provided you.

“If he’s not, he’s not worth it. Perhaps one of your brothers will be capable. Lu, maybe?”

Eris growled at the teasing, your friendship with Lucien a constant sore spot for him amidst his rekindling relationship with his youngest brother. He hated to admit it, but he seethed with jealousy watching you interact with Lucien, the way your conversation would flow easily.

A life of regrets and Lucien takes several of the top five spots.

“Lucien would make a terrible husband. You’d never see him - he spends all day brushing his hair.”

“I like a well-groomed male.”

“The noises his eye makes would keep you up all night.”

“I think you’re getting us confused. The whirring would soothe me to sleep.”

He buries his face into your neck, mumbling, “you are not marrying Lucien.”

“Alastor, perhaps?”

You clutched onto Eris’s arm, the heat providing you some relief. You nuzzle your head into his bicep, and he blows out a hot breath, “if I die, and you are unable to continue alone, marry outside of my family, leave my brothers out of your marriage pool.”

You open your mouth, but he cuts you off.

“Not Azriel.”

You huff, “well if I can’t have a Vanserra or Azriel, I’ll stay alone forever.”

“I prefer that alternative.”

“I will rule Autumn alone. Just as Beron would have liked.”

You spin in his arms, pushing his shoulder down so he’d lay on his back. You crawl on top of him, laying so every inch of you is touching him in some way. Not an inch of space exists between your bodies. You poke his ribs, urging him to start heating up. He ignores you, so you start tugging on the bond between you two.

“Patience is a virtue, don’t they teach that in the war camps they call villages?”

“I’m dying, I think the Mother can forgive my lack of virtues.”

He huffs, but starts warming his skin to better provide comfort. You groan, laying in silence with him for several moments, the heat a comfort to the constant pain.

A few moments later you roll, your back laying across his chest.

“Ah,” you sigh, the pain in your lower back lessening at his touch.

“You’re spinning like game over a campfire.”

He rests his hands on your lower abdomen, the warmth making the stabbing pain into a dull ache.

You sigh at the contact, practically melting at how he soothes your muscles.

“I want to go bathe but that requires movement and leaving this bed.”

Eris laughs into your hair, but you hear the water running in the bathroom. You groan just thinking about how soothing the water would feel on your joints. You breathed out slowly through your nose, preparing yourself for the trek across the room.

You rolled off of Eris, and before you could get off the bed, Eris moved from behind to in front of you, his feet landing softly on the floor.

“Care for a ride?”

You nod, and his arms sweep you up.

“I think this is my preferred method of travel.”

“Perhaps this is how you will tour Autumn, hm? I shall carry you throughout the lands.”

You laugh as he sets you down, helping you remove your clothes. He must be warming the air somehow, because you don’t feel the chill of the air when your clothes are completely off. He helps you into the water, which you melt into immediately. You close your eyes, laying back in the tub, the porcelain a nice surface to lean against.

You’ve completely forgotten about Eris’ presence until you feel him nudge your shoulders forward, his lean body slipping behind you into the tub. His legs stretch besides yours, and you lean your head back to rest on his shoulder.

“There’s no way my next husband will be as helpful as you are.”

He breathes out through his nose, “I fear you can only marry down from here. A pity, truly.”

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Thanks for reading 💕

[wtfsteveharrington]

c l o s e t o y o u | carmen berzatto x reader

we've got so much history baby

description: set months after your breakup, you and carmen navigate what it means to be separated. you're trying to move on but waves always return to the ocean.

warnings: kinda angsty but also hurt/comfort. mutual pining even tho you're both trying to pretend it isn't there. miscommunication. kinda mentions of cheating if you squint but not really. no one has cheated but what to call this vibe irdk so! also mentions of using the bathroom if that bothers you!! it's quick!

smut warnings: oral/fingering reader receiving, spanking, dirty talk, hints of dom!carmy, unprotected sex but backshots for 'safety', sexting, semi public sex, lots of hickies/bruises talk bc carmy's a lil shit, multiple mentions of masturbation for both, reader has a drunk bar make out phase post breakup. reader is afab but no major descriptors used.

word count: almost 9.2k. the longest thing i've written so far!

a/n: dare i say this might be my favorite thing i've written possibly. aiming to make this a three part series but possibly could go longer.... i hope you enjoy <3

maybe you and i were meant to be / maybe i'm crazy

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

Carmen’s eyes are trained on you from the second your front door opens. His hands stalled halfway through taking off his jacket, only one shoe clattering across your entryway. 

“Where’ve you been tonight?” 

Which you have no choice but to shoot him a warning glance in response. It was late, you didn’t have the energy for a fight and that’s the complete opposite reason of why you texted him to come over. “I was on a date, Carmen.” 

He physically deflated at your answer. “Oh.”

You can’t meet his eye, can’t risk seeing his reaction. Would he be upset? Indifferent? It’s hard to decide which would be worse.

When you had broken up a few months ago the roles were clear - A case of ‘right person, wrong time’. He was busy, so endlessly busy. Working late into the night and heading in randomly during the morning or afternoon if he was needed. Which he could easily decide he was.

For as long as you could remember Carmen always took Tuesdays off to spend with you and get life in order. That way he had Monday to help the restaurant recover from the weekend and could trust them to handle what was, usually, an easier day. It was a tradition you took seriously and the two of you regularly made plans together every single Tuesday. Date nights, day trips, a mixture of adventures. It didn't matter what you were doing together so long as you had Tuesday to look forward to and help get you through the week.

Yet things started picking up. More celebrity dining requests, more magazine and tv interviews, more, more, more.

And it wasn’t that you misunderstood how important the restaurant was. Far from it. There were many nights where Carmen would come home a ball of anxiety because it took an hour longer than he anticipated and he knew it wasn’t fair to you. There would be a mess of apologies as he barreled in the door, bracing himself for a fight or to see your disappointed face. All of which you happily soothed by repeating constant mantras - The restaurant was his baby; you weren’t upset; take a deep breath; we’re okay. 

Then eventually you stopped saying you weren’t upset, stopped saying you two were okay. Eventually you stopped waiting up for him at all. At first Carmen would shower and climb into bed, confused if he should attempt to hold you or not. Your sleeping (Fine, sometimes you faked being asleep too) frame with your back turned to him. The blankets pulled tight around your body acting like a shield. 

Finally he just started sleeping on the couch. 

So yeah, the fall apart came quick. It was an avalanche neither of you could control nor did either of you want. There was still love between the two of you - But again it’s the right person, wrong time. 

You avoided each other for the following weeks. Carmen threw himself even more into work and you took a week of PTO to go visit one of your friends. He wondered if you were safe, you wondered why none of the people in the bar tasted the way he did. Your friend encouraged you with every sloppy make out conquest but it always ended there. You wanted to get Carmen out of your mind but weren’t ready for him to not be the last person who fully touched you. 

It didn’t work but does it ever?

Carmen watched your Insta far more than he should have. Risking way too many glances down at his phone during his free time to see if there were any updates about how you were doing. As if you’d post photos with long captions that mimicked a therapy session but he didn’t know where else to go. Sydney would report back what your story shows no matter how much Carm insisted he didn’t care. 

Because he didn’t, okay? He was fine. He knew it was for the best. Right? 

And then you posted a photo of yourself in a low cut top laughing in a bookstore. He zoomed in to see what titles you had in your arms as if they were clues and his eyes definitely didn’t linger on the swell of your cleavage. He didn’t think about how many nights he took for granted watching as your back arched up under him and you begged for more. He didn’t think about the way you’d crawl into bed at night and his mind would instantly rid itself of anything but you. He didn’t jack off to memories of you in the shower every morning because thinking about someone else, watching porn of other people, it didn’t feel wrong. No, that wasn’t the case at all. 

You, on the other hand, turned on Google alerts for anything relating to The Bear or Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto. Most of it was just good Yelp! ratings or fluff pieces from the local papers. He wasn’t one for posting on social media, in fact you weren’t sure he used it at all but you still posted like he was, but sometimes you’d find yourself scrolling through Sydney’s feed to see if she was giving you any crumbs. Sometimes, if you were really desperate, you’d find yourself in Richie’s feed even. It was pathetic but you can’t help it. 

One late night you came across an Instagram story post Sydney had up. Carmen leaning against a pinball machine at some gaming bar downtown. His hair was pushed back, eyes crinkled up with laughter. He looked at ease, peaceful. You wondered if anyone there felt the same… Was someone whispering to their friends and trying to build the encouragement up to go talk to him? Would he respond? 

Right, it wasn’t your place to care anymore. Yet you still cried yourself to sleep and yearned for when things felt so much easier. 

Yeah, the breakup wasn’t exactly going well. 

A few weeks ago you came across Carmen at the grocery store of all places. Both of you had gotten so used to doing the shopping Tuesday mornings and, logically, you were both comfortable going to the location just like you had been weekly for months. Your breath caught in your throat and God he looked better than you remembered. The first thing out of his mouth was, “Great sale on gouda this week.” And the only thing your brain could conjure up was, “Well that’s gouda.”

You both stayed silent for a moment before bursting out in laughter. 

Laughter turned to getting lunch around the corner. 

Lunch turned into you straddling Carmen’s waist in the car while parked in the very back corner of the parking lot and riding him until your eyes watered and you couldn’t focus long enough to keep a rhythm. He wrapped his arms, such strong arms, around your waist and fucked up into you for all that he was worth. Trying to prove himself in whatever capacity you allowed. 

If he couldn’t love you like he wanted, he could at least fuck you better than anyone else would.

Once you two broke the seal of seeing each other it was hard to stop. There was almost a forbidden aspect to your relationship now that caused a small thrill to run down your spine every time you saw him late at night. You were pretty sure no one knew you started… Seeing each other again and you were both content keeping it a secret. 

So that’s how you ended up here. Standing across from him at 11 o’clock at night on a random Wednesday. You try not to wonder if he left ‘early’ the second you reached out, instead convincing yourself that it just so happened to work out he was ready to go within minutes of you sending your ‘My place tonight?’ text during this horrific blind date your co-worker set up. 

Jonathan, 6’1, finance major turned CPA for his family’s company. He was… Fine. Just fine. You left on good terms in case you wanted to call on him for back up one lonely night. The problem was no one else was Carmen no matter how hard you tried to look for him in the people that passed by.

And there he stood across from you with hair falling into his face and his eyes looking up at you like you’re crafted from Heaven. A skirt, thin tinted tights, a shirt that exposed just enough skin but not too much. The soft shimmer across your eyelids and glossy lips from the lip balm you’ve been continuously applying since you knew he was on the way. The last time he saw you like this was when you were fighting because Carmen accidentally showed up 15 minutes past when you were supposed to leave for a birthday party at your friend’s house and that night ended with you locking him out of the bedroom while he had to pretend he couldn’t hear you crying in the next room. He really didn’t mean to be late. Sometimes the nights just got taken away from him. 

Carmen hated that you were dressed up for someone else but he pretends you just threw this on for him.

Your arms cross your chest, totally not attempting to push up your breasts, and you let out a sigh while you stare at Carmen. “This has to be the last time.” His face is stoic, a perfect poker face. The last time? Break up or not he couldn’t imagine there being a last time he saw you. Half the time he forgets, still referring to you as his partner while brushing it off and refusing to correct himself. Then there’s times where he comes home to his empty apartment and realizes you weren’t there to light the long forgotten candles on the coffee table or open up the windows to air the place out. 

He closes the space between the two of you and stares at your face. Searching for answers he’s too scared to ask for. Your resolve is breaking, cracking under the weight of having him so close. Beautiful eyes staring at you, the way he smells like the cologne you bought for your last anniversary and clean laundry. If you weren’t so drunk on the sight of him you would have put it together that Carmen kept clean clothes at the Bear to make sure he could change before he came to see you. 

You’re both silent for a moment before there’s two hands wrapping around either side of your neck and Carmen’s dragging you two together for a kiss. God, he couldn’t stand the idea of someone else kissing you. Would they even do it right? Do they know the way you moan when he licks into your mouth or the way you always grab ahold of his wrists when he cups your face? Do they know the way you forget to breathe sometimes when you’re lost in it? He’d have to pull back in order to give you a second to gasp in a rush of air. Does whoever you were with tonight know any of that? 

You pull away from Carmen with a broken out moan, silva connecting your mouths and the faint taste of cigarettes on your tongue from him. Clamping your hands on his shoulders you just faintly push the two of you apart, trying desperately to collect your thoughts. Carmen crying during the break up, sobbing in your bed, living on autopilot for weeks, the way he kisses you like he’s scared it’s the last time anymore because it very well just might be. Everything coming back to you in flashes as he stands before you once again. 

“I called you here for a reason, Carm.” His eyebrow is cocked, eyes flickering down to the bulge in his jeans that started growing the second he kissed you. “Uh - Yeah? Isn’t that what… I thought that’s what we were doing?” Carmen’s leaning in again, letting his lips connect to your neck. Warm kisses being pressed in a path up to just below your ear. “No uh, oh, remember how you let me keep the cast iron?” He hums in response, teeth nipping at your earlobe while broad hands start grabbing at your waist. “Yeah, uh huh, the cast iron skillet.” Fuck the stupid cast iron. He’s much more concerned with hooking fingers in the waistband of your skirt, attempting to pull it down while you’re fighting to stay focused. 

“Well my friends came over the other night and oh Jesus.” He’s licking a strip up your neck now, only half focused on your story. “Carm, please, they were helping me clean up and someone left it soaking in hot water overnight.” That’s finally got him freezing in place, his aroused little sounds quickly turning into a groan of annoyance. “Fuck. That ruined-… I mean, the seasoning has to be ruined. Assuming it rusted?” You nod helpless, fingers dragging along his chest while Carmen stares over your shoulder.

His eye twitches involuntarily. 

There’s a deep sigh coming from his body as he steps around you, finally kicking off his long forgotten second shoe before walking further into the apartment to head towards the kitchen. 

And listen, it wasn’t that you were necessarily concerned so much with the pan. Sure the two of you had purchased it together during the first few weeks of talking. Carmen cooked breakfast with it every Tuesday morning and showed you how to care for this damn pan. It was the closest you two came to owning a pet just… In the form of a nine inch cast iron skillet. You were more curious if he would care. A simple way of testing the waters to see if he just cared about getting laid or still cared about you. The answer should have been obvious but you still had to know.

You follow behind him and wince at the stream of expletives that easily fall from his tongue at the sight of the pan in the sink. It wasn’t horrible but wasn’t ideal. “Y’know, crazy thing is I’m pretty sure I can guess who did this. They kept trying to convince me cast iron wasn’t any different from a standard pan no matter how many times I tried convincing them that just wasn’t the case.” He’s grumbling to himself while crouching down to fish out supplies from under the sink, easily navigating your apartment from memory. The two of you had bounced between your places and talked about moving in together once his lease was up. Going as far as touring a few locations but the conversation was long forgotten once the tensions started building. 

As much as Carmen claims he didn’t see it coming, he resigned his lease almost two weeks before the break up officially happened. 

You hop up onto the counter next to the sink and watch as Carmen gets to work restoring your pan. “Think it's gonna make it through? I can't believe this is how it might end for the poor thing. All because I wanted to make your chicken piccata.” A few of his recipes had stuck with you and sometimes you find yourself making them when you’re missing him extra at night. 

“Nah, it’ll be fine. Just some surface damage s’all.” You watch as the muscles in Carmen’s arm move with the scrubbing motion, your lips itching to kiss over every exposed tattoo. Snap out of it! This is just sex between two consenting adults trying to let off some steam. That’s all. You’re both just comfortable and it would take way too much effort for someone random like Jonathan to learn what you like. 

Carmen catches you staring at him, not that you were being subtle about it, and feels heat blooming in his chest. He grabs one of your kitchen towels and gives the skillet a good pat down before sitting it upside down to dry off. It’s not perfect, not yet at least, but he’s pretty sure he’ll explode if it takes any longer to finally get his hands on you. 

“You look pretty tonight.” He’s coming to stand between your knees, reaching up to you with the hem of your skirt as you hum out a small “Thank you.” It seems like every time you see him lately you forget just how blue his eyes are. So easy to get lost in them especially from this close. Your hands come up to gently trace the features of his face. Just the ghost of a touch but Carmen’s soaking up the affection. He tilts his head in order to press a kiss to your palm. 

His hands are dragging up your thighs, feeling the material of your tights under his touch. “Know how much you hate wearing these.” Your heartbeat is picking up so much it’s making you jittery, hands wrapping around the edge of the countertop to grip it as hard as you can. Keeping yourself steady. “Help me take ‘em off?” You arch your hips up off the counter as an invitation for Carmen. He’s wasting no time grabbing ahold of the waistband and dragging them down your body, groaning to himself as inch by inch your skin gets exposed to him. 

Neither of you miss the way you press your thighs together once they’re freed, hips twitching in anticipation. The tights are getting tossed across your apartment and left to be tomorrow’s problem. Carmen falls to his knees in front of you, letting them dig into the harsh tile of your kitchen while in pursuit of making his mark on you. He’s grabbing ahold of your ankles, bringing one of your legs over his shoulder while the other is brought up to his lips. 

Your eyes fall closed as Carmen starts trailing a string of delicate kisses along the length of your calf. His lips ghosting across your knee until he reaches the fleshy part of your thigh. While your hands finally escape the countertop and find their way laced into Carmen’s hair, he wraps his lips down against your thigh to start sucking a small bruise into your skin. “Carmy,” You hiss out, “What if I see Jonathan again? How am I gonna explain these?” But you’re not pulling his head away, instead doing quite the opposite by keeping his head in place. 

Carmen practically growls against your skin, a low and guttural sound coming from the man. His grip on you tights while he mumbles against you, “Fuck Jonathan.” You scrub your fingers against his scalp as Carmen finds another patch of skin on the opposite thigh to begin sucking a bruise into. His head ducking lower and lower under your skirt, the material finally getting you to pull your hands away from him.

Against all better judgment your thighs fall more open as he works his way down your thighs. There’s a series of small moans and whimpers coming out of you with no control as he reaches the top of your thigh, his nose dragging along the cloth covering your core. “D’you wear these for him? Or did you put them on knowing you’d end up texting me.” It’s impossible to answer when you feel his tongue drag along you, your hips rocking up towards his mouth. He’s bringing his hands up under your skirt now too and grabbing handfuls of where your thighs meet your hips to hold you down in place. 

“They’re purple, aren’t they?” A color Carmen had long ago decided he liked best on you. Something about the way the color compliments your skin… In all honesty, you were pretty sure he had purchased the exact pair you were wearing. You started the night with no intention of your date getting anywhere near your bed but instead being under the frame of the man who was exactly where you wanted him. 

He guides you to scoot you closer towards the edge of the counter, making sure you’re comfortable before mouthing over you once again. Hot, open mouth kisses being pressed almost exactly where you need them. One of his hands comes around your frame to grab a handful of the fleshy part of your ass while the other hooks a finger into your underwear, pulling the material to the side to expose you. 

There’s cool air being blown against your overheated body and your hands fly back to clutch at his back, his neck, the hair that’s exposed from under your skirt. Whatever inch of him you can find is being clung to like a lifeboat. He’s kissing the skin where your thigh meets your center, lips ghosting along the outer side of your folds. It only takes a few more pathetic whimpers before he finally takes pity on you and you feel his tongue go flat at the base of your hole, dragging up long and slow all the way to your clit. 

He groans into your core and the vibrations make you start to lose your mind. “Fuck. Fuck!” Carmen’s got your clit between his lips now, bobbing his head just slightly while he goes right to sucking on the sensitive bundle of nerves. If you didn’t want to be teased then he’d give you everything you wanted. One of his hands comes up under his chin now, a finger pressing into your tight entrance as his tongue works to lap at your clit, your folds, even dipping into you whenever his finger pulls all the way out.

A second finger slides into you while his attention focuses back to making out with your clit. You can’t keep track of the way he alternates between kissing and licking at you while his fingers push in as deep as he can get them. “So good, Baby.” Baby. It comes out of you by force of habit and it makes him twitch in his boxes. If you weren’t so drunk on him you probably would have started overthinking but he’s making sure your focus is on nothing else but his mouth for now. Carmen’s chin is slick with everything you’re giving him as he eats you out as if he’s a dying man and this is his last source of solace in the world.

“C’mon Honey.” He’s cooing against you, fingers crooked just how he knows you like it. There’s sloppy licks being delivered to your clit as his fingers pump in and out. His hand finally leaves it’s grip on your ass to apply a gentle pressure to the top of your mound, pressing down against the flesh to add yet another sensation. “Can feel how tight you’re getting. You wanna come for me so bad, don’t you? Be good for me.” 

Your hands fist around Carmen’s hair, hips rocking up against him and it doesn’t take long for an orgasm to wash over your body. You seize up at the feeling, thighs clamping around Carmen’s head as he licks you through it. He’s only giving you a moment to recover when you feel his fingers slide out of your sensitive body and he can’t help but go back to licking out the mess you’ve made.

“Gonna fuckin’ kill me, Carmen.”

He’s smirking against you but taking the hint. Your thighs shaking as he pulls back from under your skirt, taking a moment to appreciate the handiwork that was the bruises covering your thighs while you take a moment to recover. The way your pussy looks so pretty covered in the mixture of your arousal and his spit. Carmen can’t help himself but to swirl his thumb around your clit, your hips jolting up as you reach out to grab ahold of his wrist. “Need a minute please.” 

Carmen nods and stands up, wasting no time making work of unbuckling his belt. You collect your thoughts well enough to start unbuttoning his jeans for him, letting your fingers linger on his jean clad hardened length. “You, uh -” You won’t meet his eye, opting instead to start pulling his pants down his toned thighs. “You still okay not using a condom?” A roundabout way of saying ‘I’m clean, are you?’. Carmen nods as if it’s the most insane question in the world. Even if he’s not with you anymore, it’s still only you for him for as long as he can see coming. “No one but you.”

You can’t meet his eye, a wave of guilt washing over you concerning your earlier date with Jonanthan that quickly gets pushed away when Carmy grabs ahold of your jaw and brings you in for a haphazard kiss. Mindless, heavenly kissing. The two of you getting lost in the way your tongues know just how to navigate one another while your hand slides into his boxes and begins lazily 

“Gotta fuck you or I’m gonna cum on your hand like a fuckin’ teenager.” You giggle into his mouth but slide yourself off the counter nonetheless. Giving him one more tender kiss before turning around to bend yourself over the counter. It’s not the most gracious process but you’re tugging your shirt over your head on the way down, pitching it somewhere else to deal with later. 

He’s looking at every inch of you. Underwear still pulled to the side, the way the lace of your bra looks against your back. Memorizing every detail he possibly can just in case you wise up and stop letting him come over to defile you like this at night. 

Carmen is dragging the head of his cock through your folds, tapping it against your clit while you whine and rut back against him. The weight of his jeans and belt resting heavy against his ankles and keeping him grounded enough to not spill his load before he even makes it inside of you. You weren’t used to taking him all the time anymore, a thought Carmen can’t dwell on, so he goes inch by inch and gives you time to adjust to the girth of him. He was thicker than anyone you’d been with before and every random hookup together lately reminds you of the first time you felt him stretch you out. 

It burns in the best way possible and he’s so tender while you get adjusted. Waiting until you start fucking yourself against his length to take that as his sign you were finally ready for him. Carmen still starts slow, a teasing pace of pulling himself nearly all the way out before sinking right back in. “Pussy’s like heaven.” It makes you oddly proud to hear him call that out. To know you still have an affect on him after all this time.

“Think about fuckin’ you all the time.” He’s picking up speed now, “Think about how good you feel stretched around me. Such a good slut for me, aren’t you? Bending over and practically begging for it.” His words, once again, make your head spin. It was a common theme with Carmen. Your fingers lace in your own hair, desperate to grab ahold of something. “Always wanting you to fuck me, Carm. Dream about how good you make me feel.” Like you two were meant to fit together perfectly. 

There’s a lewd clapping noise coming from the way your ass smacks against his frame with each deep thrust. Eventually your arms give out, torso falling flat against the shockingly still cool countertop while Carmen fucks into you for all he’s worth. A firm slap is being delivered to your ass that causes you to yelp out, rolling your hips back against him at the same time as an act of encouragement. 

His mind is taken up with how good you feel. You’re perfectly stretched around him and leaking out around his base. So wet, so beautiful, so perfect. There’s a hand sliding up your back until it’s fisting around your hair, gently tugging at it and the new sensation has these pornstar worthy moans escaping you. Your loud and needy brain is completely empty as Carmen destroys you the way he knows how. 

“D’you think about me fucking you while you were sitting across from some asshole all night? Poor little pussy almost got fucked by someone who doesn’t know how to treat it.” His words are so casually spoken with just the right amount of bite that it’s causing your brain to melt. Jonathan didn’t stand a chance of getting within two feet of your panties, just another mindless date in your series of attempted ways to ‘get over Carmen’ which clearly wasn’t going well. He bottoms out in you, every inch of his length pressed as firmly as he can into your core. It’s so much, so full and he’s got you pinned in place. Unable to do anything but be used by him, just how you both know you love to be. “Or did you go just to make me jealous? Put on your slutty little panties and went to dinner knowing you’d text me to come fuck you tonight.” 

He’s grinding his hips into you on the impossible quest to get even deeper. It’s possessive, claiming, and you’d probably even be a little annoyed by his behavior if you were in a better state of mind. For now you’re bent over the counter with bruises blooming all over your thighs and enjoying an odd jealous streak coming from someone who, technically, has no right to be jealous. It’s making you feel dizzy and your heart throb and your pussy clenching around him. “You gonna keep talking or you gonna fuck me, Carm? ‘Cause if not I’ll call him to finish the job.” 

You liked riling him up. 

Another sharp smack is being dealt to your ass when Carmen starts to pick the pace back up. His hands are tight on your hips and his pace is brutal. There’s grunts coming from behind you that are making your head spin and if you were more coherent you’d be a bit more embarrassed about the drool sliding from the corner of your mouth as your boyfrie-….. Well, as Carmen takes care of you. He’s admiring the bloom of his handprint on your skin, brushing his hand along it before pressing firmly down to help soothe the buzzing sting of pain. 

He wasn’t fucking you as often, didn’t have you nearly as well trained anymore. These bi-weekly meetings are not doing nearly enough for your body. He used to be able to fuck you right through an orgasm and you’d keep going. So used to him working your oversensitive clit to his liking. Now you whine while grabbing his wrist and whimper out pleas for him to give you a few minutes. He hates not knowing your body as well as he used to even if he still knows you pretty damn well.

So when he feels you getting closer, he’s taking note. Keeping his pace exactly the same and letting his hand crash down against the tender flesh of your ass again. “You gonna give me another? C’mon, Honey. Can feel how bad you need it.” And you do. God you need every orgasm you’re lucky enough to get from him. 

Your hips buck and twitch and you let out a series of uncontrolled moans as your orgasm starts to wash over your body. If Carmen wasn’t between your legs then your thighs would have snapped shut while your toes curled and your heart started beating faster. You could practically hear it beating in your own ears. “S’good, so good. Thank you, thank you. Shit, thank you.” A mess but you couldn’t judge yourself. 

Carmen’s pulling out when he’s close after just a few more strokes, frantically jerking off his length to keep the sensation going. You’re rolling your hips back and riding out the waves of your own orgasm, glancing back over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of Carmen with his head tossed back and brows knitted together in concentration. “Come on me, Baby. Wanna feel every drip on my skin. Maybe I’ll let you take a picture of it dripping down all the pretty bruises you gave me.” 

That’s all it takes for him to come undone. Warm spurts of cum landing along your back, your thighs, some of it dripping down your folds. The feeling is pulling wanton moans from your mouth that send Carmen into orbit. God, he doesn’t want to come back down to Earth. Collecting his breath and trying to keep himself upright while the aftershocks of his orgasm wrack through his body. How was he supposed to stay away from you when it felt like this? Especially when you just kept calling him baby.

He stopped cumming inside of you since the breakup. It made sense, kinda. But you hated it. Felt like a waste even though you wouldn’t overstep and ask for him to go back to finishing inside of you. He would, by the way. Without a second thought he’d bury himself in until he couldn’t go any further and fuck his cum into you as deep as possible. 

You feel a finger swiping up some of his cum off your backside and soon enough it’s pressed to your lips. Without a second thought you take the digit into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it while licking him clean. He wants some of it inside of you one way or another. A subtle way of still putting his claim on you.

The two of you take a moment to recover after Carmen pops his finger out of your mouth. His hands are running a circuit up and down the side of your thighs and torso, still enjoying the view of your body relaxed against the counter in front of him. The tile was starting to become painful as your stomach bent over it but you couldn’t bring yourself to move just yet. You didn’t fully trust your legs to support your weight without the counter for support. 

Carmen’s rustling around behind you now. Reaching down to pull up just his boxes but kick his jeans the rest of the way off finally. He’s not ready for the stimulation of such a heavy material against his sensitive skin yet. There’s a clattering from the sink area as he retrieves another towel to get wet for you and a cup to fill with water. Your eyes feel heavy. Mind’s at ease having Carmen around again, not that you’ll admit it, and your body feeling languid after being fucked so well. 

There’s a glass of water being sat in front of you. “Drink.” So you prop yourself up on your elbows and nurse small sips of the water while the cool rag gets to work wiping down your backside from the mess he made. His fingers ghost along the tender flesh of your ass where he was spanking, “Feeling alright?” You hum into the cup, giving him a small waggle of your behind to reassure any concerns he had. 

He gets you cleaned up in silence, letting the both of you enjoy the simple moment. Carmen always prided himself on taking care of you. There’s warm hands, still damp from cleaning you up, rubbing up the sides of your torso before wrapping around the tops of your shoulders. His hips rub along your backside and you just feel so warm, so safe like this. “We gotta get you to bed.”

You just sigh and scrub your hands over your face. A beat of silence passes while you collect your thoughts. “Carm, I don’t think I can stand up.” Your legs are still slightly shaking and your mind has yet to catch up with your body. 

Laughter’s coming from behind you as he delivers a playful swat to your ass. “C’mon I’ll get you there.” This feels so simple. You find yourself questioning why the two of you even broke up to begin with when the good moments were this good. Easy, content, safe. Would you ever be able to find this again? Would he? 

He’s grabbing ahold of your waist while pulling you back into his chest. Your head falls back against his shoulder and Carmen allows his lips to once again find your exposed neck. A series of gentle kisses being placed as his arms snake tighter around your body. “Still feeling okay?” You let out a content hum and allow yourself to be held by him. “Feel better than I have all week. Thank you, Carm.” You feel him smile against your skin as he places another delicate kiss. “Always.”

The two of you stay intertwined until Carmen starts to encourage the shuffle towards your bedroom. He makes sure you get cleaned up and ready for bed. Brings you one of your sleep shirts while you brush your teeth and tries to not overthink when you offer him a toothbrush of his own because you just so happened to have an extra. Gives you privacy when you complain about needing to pee and you find it odd there’s a tug at your chest when he ducked out of the room. Part of you hated being that couple who left the door open or used the restroom while the other showered, yadda yadda. It was a sign of comfort and the door being pulled shut behind Carmen was a sign that comfort was long gone. 

Not that you cared. Totally didn’t care at all. 

He’s going to just tuck you in at first until you’re clutching at his frame and pulling him into bed next to you. Carmen never could say no when it came to you, especially when he feels his back sinking into your soft bed and your warm body curling up along his side. He should go. Get home before it’s too late and try to get some sleep. He’s already planning on getting to work early to avoid having too much free time to think about tonight in detail. 

But his clothes feel so far away and the long day is starting to finally hit him. You can practically hear him thinking over his options and your breathing starts skipping as you feel him begin to pull away. 

“Carmen.” Your grip on his chest tightens and it pulls directly at his heart. Since this whole… Situation started he never stayed the night when your meetings would run this late. Always picking his clothes up out of piles on the floor and mumbling something about needing to get home to get stuff together from work. You never asked him to stay anyway. Neither of you knew if that would make an already weird and complicated situation even worse. 

But tonight was different. 

There were hints of a storm in the distance you start telling yourself. If you focused you could hear thunder, somewhere, out there and you just wanted Carmen safe for his sake. That’s all. So you pathetically cling to him and hope you don’t kick yourself out of embarrassment in the morning. It takes just a moment of him looking down at you to understand what you can’t say and he’s giving you a little nod in response. His arms wrap around your shoulders, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of your head. Kissing every inch of you had to be one of his greatest pleasures in life.

“Remind me to season that skillet in the morning.” 

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

Carmen, shockingly, sleeps through the night. The warmth of your body next to him coupled with your excellent sleeping experience. A comfortable bed with good pillows, a white noise machine in the corner of your room (the ice maker in the fridge at Carmy’s would constantly go off so you got used to sleeping with background noise to cover it up), it was the best night of rest he’s had in months.

Your sheets smell like home. 

He’s slowly waking up now and his first thought is how much he misses the weight of your breast in his hand. Second thought is how much he needs to pee but damn your bed is comfortable. 

Carmen allows his body to wake up slowly. Stretching his arms out above his head and letting out a satisfied grunt at the feeling of his well rested muscles. Blinking his eyes awake just enough to take in the sight of all the trinkets and items that covered your space. There’s some things he notices that he knows for a fact he purchased you. Bottles of perfume, books you keep telling yourself you need to read, cups you constantly forget to bring back into the kitchen until you’re fully out of them.

Did you keep any of the pictures? Photo strips from Navy Pier and the holiday market at Wrigley Field. Everything from the disposable camera you brought along on road trips and vacations. The polaroids that once littered a cork board in your living room that the two of you added pictures to so often. If he looked around enough would he find them tucked away safely in a box or did you pitch them when you knew the two of you were through. 

Carmen still has one. You took most of them while you packed up your things from his place and refused to let him carry any of the boxes downstairs. So stubborn, so full of hurt pride. He just spent most of the day trying to stand out of your way but always available in case you finally admitted that you needed help. Maybe a small part of him hoped that as you packed up so many memories it would trigger a ‘What are we doing?’ reaction and you’d go running into his arms. 

You never did. 

But you did take one trip down to your car with an overstuffed Ikea bag over your shoulder and balancing a box on your hip. Carmen knew he didn’t have long, and it kind of felt like stealing, but he rushed over to the box you just started packing up and rifles through the photos as fast as he possibly could. It took a moment of digging before there it was. A polaroid photo someone took of the two of you on New Year’s Eve. You’re wearing some cheesy headband and he has those tacky sunglasses on that show off the incoming year on them. His arms are wrapped low around your waist as he stands behind you, one of your hands resting on top of his while the other is reaching up and back to cup his jaw. You’re both grinning and laughing in the photos and nothing bad has happened yet. 

He hears you shuffling back up the stairs so he’s quickly throwing the box back together after sliding the photo into his pocket and rushing back to stand in the kitchen. Acting like nothing was happening. You didn’t even look over at him so it wasn’t like he had to put up much of a show anway.

It’s still safely tucked into his wallet. 

The sound of the front door opening and hushed whispers are finally pulling him from his half asleep, reflective state. It looks like this day is getting started if he wants it to or not. He’s tilting his head to press it into the pillow underneath him, allowing one last deep inhale to remind himself exactly what your scent smells like before forcing his body to be pushed out of your bed.

Carmen turns the corner in just his boxer briefs and you’re not convinced you aren’t still dreaming because fuck he looks good. His hair’s a mess from the combination of you playing with it all night and him sleeping so well. One of his hands is scratching low on his hips while he takes in the sight of you in the kitchen. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be so comfortable walking around your apartment half dressed still but God is this relationship situation getting messier since the day since the two of you reconnected.

“Ordered some breakfast from Yolk. Figured you were hungry and I’m sure you have to run off this morning but I uh-…. I just wanted to make sure you were fed.” You nod to yourself. Giving him an out as you start popping open food boxes. There was just over an hour until you had to get to work too so there were multiple excuses possible for this morning to end as early as it needed to. 

In an odd, roundabout, time to head back to therapy kind of way it almost feels like you’re dating your ex. 

“Yeah.” He nods to himself and desperately wishes he had deodorant, cologne, fuck even Axe body spray. Something to make himself smell better or feel more presentable for you. “Richie actually tried installing fuckin’ bidets to the toilets last night. Kept on running his mouth about how prestigious they are and he, obviously, doesn’t know how to install bidets. So the bathrooms are a little-“ He waves his hands through the air.

“Shitty?” 

Second questionable pun you’ve made lately. Pull it together. 

There’s a breathy little laugh coming out, “Yeah, shitty.” Carmen’s peeking over your shoulder as you plate up breakfast, sneaking a piece of bacon from under your arm before pressing a kiss to the top of your ear. “Thank you for ordering this.” 

You nod and try to pretend you didn’t stop breathing having him so close to you under the soft morning light. 

He leaves $60 tucked under a vase on your dining table to cover breakfast. 

————

11:52 am

[DO NOT ANSWER]: Richie put his foot down and we’re stuck getting the bidets 

[DO NOT ANSWER]: If you’re wondering how my day is going 

12:17 pm

Shockingly my day is much less toilet related. I hope it’s going well. 

4:39 pm 

[DO NOT ANSWER]: I know so much about bathrooms now

————

You laugh a little too loud as the alert illuminates your phone. There’s a fond tugging at your heart as the ‘normal’ conversations fills your chat history instead of the short “My place tn” or “I still can’t find my jacket. You have to have it”. Maybe saving him as do not answer seemed too harsh but having his contact show up as a photo of you two cuddled up with the Chicago skyline in the background, an innocent and horrifically cheesy “Baby Boy 💙” contact name modeled after Richie saying you baby him too much one night. Every time it flashed across your screen and Richie saw he gave you guys an endless amount of shit. It became a constant bit that none of you got tired of at the time. 

You were trying to separate yourself from your past with him as much as possible at first but now those lines just keep getting more and more blurred. 

One of your coworkers grabs your attention away from your phone thus leaving Carmen’s message on read. He tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him as he gets to work prepping for tonight’s service. Who wants to talk about bathrooms with their… Fuck buddy? Ex? God that’s still so weird to say. 

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊✮‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

Your mind was haunted by thoughts of Carmen Berzatto all day. 

No matter how many busy tasks you assigned yourself he always seemed to creep back in. You’d look around for him when a joke landed well at work and the group you were with erupted into laughter. Could easily picture his head thrown back as he scrubs over his face in an attempt to muffle the sound. When you were standing alone your mind wandered off to the way he treated you last night. So claiming. Expertly working your body the way only he could after so much time of getting to know it. 

The bed feels so much 

You throw the blanket away from your frame and watch as it bundles up beside you. Is this crazy? It feels crazy. You shake out the nerves, fluffing up your shorts and primping yourself for the photo. It takes one, two, seven pictures to get just the right angle. An image of your thighs against the bedding and your oversized sleep shorts bunched up all the way down your legs. Taking a deep breath you steel your spine and pull up Carmen’s contact.

————

11:28 pm 

Headed to bed 

ONE IMAGE ATTACHED

11:29 pm 

[DO NOT ANSWER]: Fuck.

11:31 pm

Goodnight Carmen <3

2:12 am

[DO NOT ANSWER]: Can’t stop thinking about you 

ONE VIDEO ATTACHED

————

The sun is warm against your skin as it slowly wakes you up. There’s an air purifier rattling in the corner that acts half as white noise while you sleep, half to soak up the smells of Chicago. Sometimes when Carmen’s especially exhausted you have to bring out the big boy and ask your Google home to play sleep sounds to mask him snoring all night. You typically didn’t mind the sound, knowing it’s a sign of just how badly he needed a good night’s rest. 

You’re fishing your phone out of the comforter in a haste to click off the horrific sound of the alarm and your eyes are barely open when you see the alert. A preview image popping up and you can just barely a blurry image of - “Holy fuck!” 

Your free hand flies up to clamp over your mouth as a mix of gasps and ‘no fucking way’ come out of you with zero control. With shaking hands you open up the video, half tempted to pinch yourself with a video of Carmen fills your screen. His hand rubbing over the bulge in his boxers and there’s a mess of shaky breathing coming from behind the phone. You can’t get the volume turned all the way up fast enough and you’re terrified to miss a single sound. 

And there he is. 

Fishing his cock out of his boxers and stroking himself for you. Illuminated by the lamp on his bedside table and his hand over lubricated to mimic how wet you get for him. He’s a mess of filthy moans, bucking hips, are you dreaming? 

The combination of the sun beating in and the way this video is making your body go hot is too much. You’re overheating, kicking the blankets away from you while your hand goes into your shorts on instinct. Toying with your clit even though you don’t have much time to spare as you watch Carmen get off for you.

————

8:04 am

HEART REACTED TO A VIDEO

Mine tonight?

Fuck you sound so good

Wish I would have been there to clean you up

Say my name more next time please

How am I supposed to go to work now 

————

No response. You aren’t surprised, he’s typically busy in the morning. 

So you go along your day and let yourself enjoy the thought of Carmen coming back over tonight to take care of you. You had thought letting him back in was a risky move but things seemed fine so far. Settling into the new version of what normal was going to look like. Maybe things would end up being some version of alright after all. 

A chirp from your phone catches your attention and you’re instantly uninvested in whatever task was at hand. It might be a little pathetic how excited you were but that is besides the point. 

————

10:32 am 

[CARMEN]: Busy tonight

————

Busy tonight? Go fuck yourself Carmen! 

You waited all morning and THAT’S the response you get? Were the multiple texts too much? Did you come off too clingy? Sure he just stayed the night, was two times in one week where he drew the line? 

So you leave him on read and take away the heart from his video. Change his name back to DO NOT ANSWER and instantly feel the urge to get off tonight leaving your body. Replaced by a subtle anger that only he can bring out of you. 

The workday seems to go by so much quicker as you have this internal argument with yourself and mentally pick a battle with Carmen. Maybe you were silly to think things would… What? Go back to the way they were? No, of course not. 

Ugh!

Carmen who, by the way, truly was slammed. Got stuck hosting an event for an old family friend that he barely knew but was convinced it’d be good for business. He’s overwhelmed by work and anxious with his relationship with you. The breakup was horrific. One of the worst things he’s had to experience so far which certainly says a lot. At the very least - It made sense. This though? Sleeping together, fucking when you have shitty dates and he’s your second choice for the night, taking pictures of dumb things he sees during the day because it made him think of you but never actually sending them, it made zero sense.

If only there was something the two of you could do to figure this whole mess out. 

But alas.

You bring home a salad that’s far healthier than anything you’ve eaten all week accompanied by some fresh pressed green juice nonsense you lie to yourself and mentally say is delicious. The boy detox starts now. 

The shower you take that night must last an hour. Every inch of your body gets scrubbed, your face and hair both get a mixture of treatments and masks. You primp and polish yourself up and convince yourself that this is all for you and not so you look better than ever and Carmen will have to regret his stupid and shitty ‘Busy tonight’ text because you were also just like so, so busy and -

Fuck Carmen Berzatto. 

You decide you could go the rest of your life without hearing from him and be just fine. It was his loss. You’re funny, beautiful, and excellent in the bedroom. There’s thousands of people out there dreaming about finding someone like you!

This internal argument keeps going. And you know what’s annoying? The second you fling yourself into bed you realize he left his scent all over your sheets still. It hasn’t gone away - Cologne mixed with Carmen. And you 100% aren’t hunting out the scent nor are you hunting out a reason to stay annoyed with him. Not at all. So you get back out of bed and grab the fabric freshener to spray your sheets back down with, giving it a minute to dry before falling face first into the mattress with an annoyed huff. 

So yeah, fuck him. You hope you never hear from him again and toss your phone on the other side of the bed. Forcing your eyes shut and making your mind go blank because otherwise you’ll stew all night thus continuing this Carmen induced spiral. 

————

1:47 am

[DO NOT ANSWER]: Hey

————

Fuck.

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | four.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 10k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, intoxication, club scene!, twerkin buns at the clurrrb 🤪, kissing/making out, quick rundown of oc's history with mingi, physical altercation, mention of small injuries/wounds (lip cut), arguments, crying, the silent treatment 💀, hints of a hookup, oc x seonghwa just being a mess per usual sorry 😫 lol

"Are you still riding with me and Joong to the club?" Seonghwa puts your call on speaker while he sits in the passenger's seat of Hongjoong's car.

"Yeah, if I can."

"Can we head over then?"

"Sure. I'm still getting ready."

"We figured." Hongjoong chuckles in the driver's seat, turning into a lot. "What do you want from Egg House?" Seonghwa inches the phone away from his face when you squeal loudly and clap.

"Double egg toast, please!"

"Okay. We'll be there in about 30 minutes or so."

"Thank you!" You hang up the call first and Seonghwa lets out a breath, slouching further in the seat.

"It's so easy to please Y/N." Hongjoong laughs, finding a spot in the opposite end the lot closest to the shop.

"Sometimes."

"San ever tell you about their dinner?"

"Not really. Y/N did. A bit. She was being kinda weird about it, actually."

"Hm." He hums, figuring if it was gonna come from someone, it would be him. "That's probably because they talked about you."

"Me?" Seonghwa furrows his brows in confusion. "What about me?" No wonder you were being so weird about the topic at the aquarium. You couldn't tell him the full story, even though Seonghwa wished you would've. It'd make things way easier.

"What do you mean 'what about you?'" Hongjoong laughs as he heads to the self-checkout area to order. "These unspoken feelings, that's what."

"What did San say?"

"He asked if you two had anything going on with each other."

"Why is that a question when there clearly isn't?"

"Mm, well.." Hongjoong's response has a drip of sarcasm that has Seonghwa

"He didn't have to do that."

"He just didn't wanna get in between anything, of course he had to." Seonghwa is silent and he's biting his tongue because even though he has a rebuttal ready to slip— he's not entirely sure why he'd be defensive and fight back about it.

Hongjoong and San were right. It's not like everyone wasn't aware. The only person who seemed to be was you.

"I don't know what Y/N said. But whatever it was.. was enough for San to just back off." 

"He shouldn't give up on her."

"Him or you?" Joong laughs. "I mean they're still going to be the same. Good friends. I don't think anything was lost. They're probably both comfortable this way, too. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to play out." Joong shrugs. Which, it isn't much of a surprise to Seonghwa when he hears this, especially when you started talking about the potential of ruining things—

♡ FLASHBACK

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular."

♡ END

"Hate when you do that." 

"Hate when I'm right and you're wrong.. again?" Seongwa finishes plugging in his order and yours before checking out.

"I got it since you're driving today." Is all he responds before snatching the receipt.

"More gas money for me." Hongjoong snickers, plopping onto a high stool off to the side of the restaurant to wait for the food. 

"Did San say anything else to you?" Joong shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. But, he seems to be the same."

"Gotta talk to him." Seonghwa mainly mutters to himself. He just wants San to be okay because he didn't want this idea of you and him getting in the way [despite his feelings]. That was never his intention. But before he can fall into a rabbit hole with his thoughts, his name is being called and a bag full of food is being pushed his way. Joong is already on his way to the car, unlocking the doors to hop in and drive off to your place with a quickness— especially because he was hungry.

When they arrive at your place, they pass through the house to say their hello's to Yaya with Seonghwa handing off the extra sandwich he remembered to buy for her. She happily thanks them before waving them off, telling them that you're probably still getting ready in your suite.

"Hey!" Seonghwa knocks and yells. "Are you decent or whatever?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He hears from the other side just as he tugs on the doorknob. Walking in, he notices a few pieces of clothing scattered along your bed and couch, with you head deep into your closet.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Finding an outfit, what does it look like?" Your response is mumbled as you dig deep into the depths of your closet to find that black cotton mini skirt and a few tops. "Got it!" You hold up a bodysuit and a regular tank in the same color. "Body suit or tank?"

"How the hell are you gonna pee?" Hongjoong asks mid-chew. "Unbuttoning that coochie holder while drunk is crazy."

"You're sick, Kim Hongjoong."

"Nah, tell me. How is that gonna work?" Seonghwa silently takes out your sandwich and plops next to him on the couch.

"He's got a point. I'm not going into that bathroom to save you."

"Ugh." You groan, tossing the bodysuit aside and settling for the tank. "I'll figure out the rest later." You plop next to Hongjoong's free side. "Thank you for the food." You smile over at them.

"Hwa bought it." Hongjoong's eyes are glued to the TV. 

"Thank you, pichu."

"Mhm." Seonghwa responds from his end. 

"Why are San and Woo going separately?"

"San has to help his uncle with something and it might run a bit long. Woo offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone."

"Mm." You hum. "Hope it doesn't go long."

"Aw. You miss Sannie?" Hongjoong playfully pouts and you hit him on the bicep.

"You're so fucking mean to me." Joong laughs loudly when you continue to whine, Seonghwa contently eating away while watching the show.

"You guys good or what?"

"Yeah, I just want all of us together."

"We will be, don't worry." Seonghwa chimes in and passes you your food. "Eat. I know you'll need like 500 hours to get your makeup and hair done." You glare at him before picking up the sandwich and digging in. You, Joong and Hwa continue to talk amongst each other while watching the TV before you gather the strength to finally get ready for the night. You turn on your bluetooth speaker, blasting your playlist while you get dressed and get your makeup going. Seonghwa has taken a few pregame shots with you in between, now sipping on a canned cocktail to keep him going while you finish up your makeup and hair. You take one more look at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with the oversized black denim jacket, mini skirt, tank and knee high heeled boots you threw on. Your makeup was simple, but enough to pop.

"Damn." Hongjoong teases, playfully checking you out and flattening his brows with two fingers while Seonghwa rolls his eyes. But, he has to say— he's fucking dying inside because of how fine you look tonight.

So fucking beautiful, and Seonghwa wishes he could have you all to himself.

"Go away." You laugh, walking through a cloud of perfume. "I'm ready!"

"About time." Seonghwa teases. "You look good." He breaks contact as he shuts off your bluetooth speaker and is the first to head out the door.

"Thanks, pichu." You shut off the lights and lock your door. "Do you have the bottle?"

"Make sure to hide that shit in the car, I'm not getting pulled over." Hongjoong says, unlocking his car. You hop into the backseat and tuck the unopened soju bottle aside— keeping it safe until you get to the club.

It's a 20 minute drive before Joong is circling the streets to find a good spot. When he finally gets lucky and finds one just a block down, he reverses into the spot flawlessly before shutting off the car and giving off a deep sigh.

"Have at it." He says, texting San to find out his whereabouts while you and Seonghwa continue to pregame some more and finish the bottle. The alcohol is hitting you quickly tonight, the soju being the cherry on top. Joong tells you San and Wooyoung have parked nearby, giving you all the greenlight to meet them halfway and walk together to the club.

You [drunkly] scream loudly when you see the two; running into their arms and letting them swing you around. You feel happier when you're all together, excited for what the night has to bring. You cling onto Seonghwa without realizing, the group behind you two as you walk side by side while engaging in conversation.

"Seonghwa! Why would you say that!" You and Seonghwa laugh loudly while walking down the street to the club. San can't help but divert his attention to you two ahead; watching as you naturally joke around, laugh and playfully bicker. You cling onto Seonghwa and continue to attach yourself to his hip, and the reality settles for San even more.

He is sad, but it's clear this is where you're supposed to be.

Seonghwa continues to tell you his story, leaning in to tell you delicate details even as you fall in line for the club. San realizes things surely haven't changed, because for you and Hwa, all you see is each other. You both don't ever purposefully make anyone feel left out, but at the end of the day, Hwa was always going to prioritize you and vice versa.

This is your own world and San only plays a little part in it. And that's okay. That's completely okay. You deserved to be happy and that's all he wants for you. All he wants for Hwa.

When security finally checks your IDs and lets your group in, the club is packed from wall to wall and you're having to hold Seonghwa's hand while navigating through the crowd. Hongjoong is behind you, gripping at the belt loop of your skirt to help lead the other two trailing him.

"Aye, over there!" Hongjoong tugs on your belt loop and points at the free bartender towards the other end of the club nodding with his lips while nodding. You take the hint and get Seonghwa to navigate to the free area. Once you're there, you feel like you're able to breathe, being able to spread your arms and move around freely.

"Let's go get some drinks from the bartender over there, it isn't busy." Seonghwa points to the small bar area towards the back end. Your group follows, instantly asking the bartender for a few shots of tequila, whiskey, whatever each chose as their own poison. 

The shots are taken to the neck, and before you know it, you're dancing away on the dance floor with your friends. Wooyoung manages to grab a few dances from cuties nearby, dragging San along to cheer him up and find someone he could possibly have fun with. But, amidst all that and all the numbers he manages to grab, he still finds himself looking for you so he can at least have a dance. 

"Y/N?" San comes to you, cheeks tinted red as his hand  caresses at his jaw. 

"What's wrong, Sannie? Are you okay?" You look up at him with those eyes, your hand on his bicep. You're both clearly drunk out of your minds but jesus, is he having trouble containing himself. 

"Y-yeah." He hiccups. "I just wanted to ask if you'd dance with me?" You giggle and nod.

"Let's go!" You grab his hand and take the initiative. At some point the crowd builds and you're separated from your group— Wooyoung floating somewhere out in the chaos, while Hongjoong and Seonghwa are pulling further and further away. You continue to dance with San though, enjoying every moment and having fun while with him. He keeps up with your rhythm, holding you close but making sure you still have enough freedom to move however you want, have space however you want. But, you continue to work on him and dance along to the music, forgetting any worries for the night.

You dance with San for a good chunk of time before you start searching for Seonghwa, who is no longer nearby. You catch wind of him, but your body decides this is the perfect time to break the seal.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You turn to San and tippy-toe to his ear.

"You okay? Want me to come and wait?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back." You give him a small reassuring smile before rushing off to the bathroom and waiting in the tiny line that had formed outside the door. You're in and out within 5 minutes, washing your hands and patting your face down with how stuffy the club had gotten. After handling your business in peace, you realize that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are even more separated than you thought when you exit the bathroom— no longer being able to spot them on the main dance floor, especially due to being inebriated. You finally find Wooyoung and San together, tugging on Wooyoung's sleeve to grab his attention.

"Where's Hwa?"

"Iono!" Wooyoung shrugs. "Last time I checked he was somewhere over there with Joongie." He nods in the far back corner behind you. You give Wooyoung's arm a squeeze to thank him before pushing your way through the crowd towards the potential Hongjoong and Seonghwa spot. When you get there, Hongjoong is definitely nowhere to be found, but Seonghwa is talking to some girl. He's leaning in towards her ear in order for her to hear him, and she laughs at whatever the fuck he's saying. It lowkey kinda irks you, even though you have no reason to be feeling that way. You should be happy Seonghwa is putting himself out there and flirting away at the club. 

Not feeling jealous or envious in the least bit that she is occupying his time and space.

"Hey." You come up to him just as she giggles and playfully flips her hair, turning on her heels to walk away. She gives him one last look before she sways her hips and continues walking towards her friends, all of them squealing over the encounter in the middle of the club. "I see you've been busy." He shrugs.

"That's the girl I met. Makayla." You subtly roll your eyes and tap his chest.

"Okay, well I've been looking for you." You kinda pout.

"What's wrong?" He tilts his head.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you and I couldn't find you for the longest time." He laughs.

"You were dancing with Sannie, weren't you?" He taps your nose. He says it like it's a light, teasing joke, but deep down, Seonghwa had to step away and get outta that spot. He's not gonna lie, he is relieved you're finally looking for him and finding him. 

"So?" He laughs.

"Well, you found me? Stop pouting. We came here to have fun and you're gonna be with me all night." He gently runs a finger down your bottom lip that is still poking out in a pout. 

"Where'd Joong go?"

"Bathroom." 

"Let me grab San and Woo—" Seonghwa tugs at your hand just as you're about to turn, a small frown on his face. As you look at him, not only do you realize how drunk you still are, but you can also pick up on how drunk Seonghwa is, too. His eyes are red and glazed over, cheeks also tinted with a rosey hue. 

Which, with the way he's looking at you, can't be a good thing. 

This won't end well.

And you truly do not care right now.

"Uh-uh, I thought you wanted to hang out for a bit. Dance with me." He says, pulling you flush against him while his teeth subtly nibble on his bottom lip.

"Hwa." You get all shy and unlike yourself, most definitely from the alcohol and the way he's looking at you up and down. You let him keep you close, beginning to dance against him and go with the beat of the current song blasting through the club. 

To set the record straight first and foremost— it's not like you haven't danced with him before. You have, and those times have been careless, free and fun. You didn't have a care in the world, Seonghwa didn't. It wouldn't last because it was harmless fun before you were onto the next and brushing it off like it was any ordinary thing between you two.

Because it was.

Tonight, it isn't. The air is different, and the energy between you two is supercharged; strong, an incredible pull to each other. The air is extra thick and like no other you've experienced with him. You can't really explain it right now, but with recent events, you just know you want Seonghwa.

Just like he wants you.

So you dance, and you dance. The two of you have pushed to the farthest corner of the club that Hongjoong never seems to return to Seonghwa [or maybe he did and didn't wanna bother] and the two of you are left in your own little world. He's still keeping you close, a tight grip on your hips as he feels every inch, every move against him, doing his best to keep up with the rhythm, you.

And god, is it turning you on.

You turn to face him when the song transitions into the next, finding that Seonghwa can't take his eyes off of you. He stares through his hooded lids while he rests against the metal railing, hands still at your hips while your face is only inches away. You watch as his eyes shoot down to your lips, back up to your eyes as if he's begging, pleading, you to make the first move. Because that will be the confirmation he needs— that will open up a whole new box that Seonghwa had been waiting to open, break the lock to a door he had been waiting to walk through. But also, he's too scared to make the first move. Too scared he'd be overthinking, that you're just drunk and you wouldn't mean it—

Suddenly, the impact of your lips crashing into his quickly pulls him out of his thoughts. Instead of breaking away at that moment, the kiss instantly becomes heated, deep. And Seonghwa has to forcibly pull himself off of you because even though he wants this so, so badly, it'll ruin everything if you truly didn't mean anything by it.

"What're you doing, Y/N?" He breaks away and leans towards your ear. His voice is husky and deep, loud enough to barely be heard over the music.

"I can't kiss you?"

"Not if you don't mean it." He bites onto his bottom lip when he pulls back to look at you, hands still resting on your waist.

"Who said I didn't mean it, Hwa?" You say in his ear, shivers running down his spine when he feels your lips graze your jaw. He probably should think about this, really think about this, but he can't. He's just as fucked up as you are, and he's feeling a bit selfish, a tad bit horny. You're positioned in between his legs looking beautiful as ever even under the dim club lights.

He can't help himself.

He cups your cheek as he pulls you back in, kissing you with so much more fervor. He hears you let out a content sigh in between kisses, pressing your body up against him as you grip the sides of his shirt.

"Driving me crazy." He says, pulling back and letting his nose lightly glide over yours. The both of you are slightly panting, lips swollen from all the intense kisses just shared. You'd do it over and over again, though. And if it were up to you, you'd take this home to explore a little further.

You want Seonghwa.

"Am I?" You continue to tease.

"Y/N." He gives you a look. "You have no idea what you do to me." His voice is still husky, deep; vibrating through your ears and sending tingles down your spine. He leans in for another deep, last kiss; biting onto your bottom lip and tugging back before letting it go. He dips to your jaw, to your neck— painting the surface with feathery kisses and tiny, subtle bites.

"Hwa, we're still out." You giggle and gently tap his chest. 

"Right." He sheepishly smiles and continues to hold you.

"I'm gonna grab some water real quick. We should try and find everyone when I come back."

"Let me just come with you." He grabs at your hand.

"I'll be fine, pichu." You smile toothlessly at him. "I'll be back before you know it. Try to text one of the boys! Save our space!"

"Fine." Seonghwa slightly whines as he lets go of your hand and watches you walk off. At this point, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong find him without Seonghwa having to lift a finger— both San and Wooyoung carrying two glasses in their hands.

"Aye! Finally fucking found your ass. Where's baby girl? Got more shots." Wooyoung looks around for your familiar figure.

"She went to get water."

"I got it right here. Tequila water." Wooyoung snorts at his failed attempt of a joke.

"You're an idiot." Seonghwa shakes his head and takes the glass, holding onto it while looking around the room. It hasn't been long, but he's hoping you haven't been swallowed by the crowd and are at least at the bar requesting for water.

"Let's wait for Y/N." San adds.

"Sounds good with me." Wooyoung shrugs.

5 minutes quickly turns into 10 and you're still not back from your water run. Seonghwa can't help but be worried, eyes now frantically scanning every inch of the room to catch any glimpse of you.

"Damn, that's a long water break. Should we just go to the bar and find her?" Whatever Wooyoung's saying is completely drowned out by Seonghwa because he finally spots you, and he's fuming. Everything in the club seems to drown out, and it almost feels like white noise. Hwa finds you at the opposite corner of the bar, and of course, Song Mingi would be the person you're occupied with. That's why you haven't returned, of fucking course. He continues to watch from his spot, feeling unsettled from the entire situation. It starts off pretty normal, until Mingi starts whispering near your ear; doing his best to pull you close, keep you close. He sees you gently rejecting Mingi's touches, shoving off his hand and pushing his arm away— clearly making you uncomfortable. Seonghwa finds his free hand balled into a fist, already boiling with anger at how Mingi doesn't read any of your signs.

Instead, continues to put you through it because he's your ex. He thinks he can get away with it. He knows he can.

"I'll be back." Seonghwa says taking the shot in one swift motion, setting his empty glass aside on the high table nearby. San furrows his brows as he watches him leave, following his trail over to the opposite end of the club.

"Oh shit." San says under his breath, and Hongjoong is confused.

"What?"

"Mingi." He points over to the other side of the club and Joong lets out a sigh, followed by a heavy—

"Fuck."

As Seonghwa comes from behind, Mingi is the first to spot him and smirks. You don't really notice until Mingi has stopped trying to get close to you, turning over your shoulder to see your own bestfriend shooting daggers his way.

"What's up, Seonghwa?" The way Mingi says his name is so fucking annoying, Hwa can't help but roll his eyes. Mingi leaves out his hand in hopes of Hwa taking it in a friendly dap. All Seonghwa does is look at it before returning his attention back up to him, then back to you.

"Come on. Let's go." Hwa mutters as tries to gently drag you away by the wrist, but Mingi stops him.

"Woah. We were just having a conversation."

"Back up." Seonghwa steps in front of you and tries to get Mingi to back up, creating some distance between you two.

"Kinda rude for someone to intervene when they have no business to."

"Didn't know that required you to put your hands on her."

"Seonghwa." You warn, but he doesn't listen.

"Of course." Mingi laughs and licks his lips before closing in on the distance, clearly drunk and trying to be belligerent by provoking Seonghwa. His face is only a couple of inches away from Seonghwa's, but he isn't doing anything to back down from whatever the fuck Mingi is trying to start. Because yeah, he's drunk too, and this is you they were talking about. "Wanna be all high and mighty now? Be the knight in shining armor you always tried to be?" Mingi snickers.

"Back away from me, Mingi." Seonghwa warns lowly. "Step the fuck away."

"Or what? The fuck are you gonna do about it, Seonghwa?" Mingi mutters. "Think she'll finally give into you?" He chuckles pathetically. "Finally give you what you've been wanting for years? I know you've always been mad because you couldn't bag her when I did. Couldn't touch her, fuck her like—" Seonghwa pushes him with so much power that Mingi stumbles and fall back on a high table nearby, knocking over a glass as his arm hits the table. Mingi recovers quickly though, glaring at him as he pushes Seonghwa back and tries to land a punch on him. Mingi successfully lands it when Hwa fails to dodge, cutting the corner of his lip after the impact. They continue to go at it, causing people to step back and watch the chaos ensue from around.

"Hwa! Get off! Stop!" You scream, trying to pry him off. San, Hongjoong and Wooyoung rush over, both San and Joong having to separate the two until the bouncers come and kick your group and Mingi's group out of the club.

"Jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung glares at the bouncer and throws his hands up. "Okay, okay, we're going!"

"Let me catch you, fucking punk!" You hear Mingi yell as him and his group walk down the opposite block, the bouncers still keeping an eye on your groups to make sure nothing occurs outside of the club and requires police activity. You walk a few steps before you push Seonghwa by the shoulder, forcing him to look at you as he tends to his lip.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" You look at him and Seonghwa's almost taken aback by your reaction. 

What do you even mean?

He did this to protect you and keep you away from that asshole, but you don't even seem the least bit concerned about him.

At all.

"W-what?" Seonghwa looks at you, his chest rising as he tries to calm himself from all the adrenaline and anger. 

"You didn't have to do that!" You yell, on the verge of tears. You're angry at Seonghwa, but you're angry because you hate seeing him hurt. You hate that he intervened, you hate that he's hurt because of the fight. You're angry, you're hurt, and everything is coming out all wrong. "I was fine, you didn't have to get in between, Seonghwa!"

"The hell you mean I didn't?!"

"Hwa." Hongjoong calls for him, eyeing the bouncers nearby.

"He wasn't doing anything!"

"Here you go again! Be serious for once, Y/N. He's a fucking asshole! When are you going to realize that?!"

♡ FLASHBACK

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Song Mingi." You walk out of his room, aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Fucking crazy. Get the hell outta here!" He yells from his room, causing you to flip him off as you walk down the hallway and out of his front door. 

Song Mingi was a certified asshole.

Time and time again, your ex-boyfriend of 2 years proves to you that you just aren't shit to him. Two years, then an on-and-off again situation where Mingi just couldn't commit to you again — but he needed you to feel wanted, to feel like he had a safety blanket to fall on, to feel like he could string you along until that very last moment he couldn't. He'd whisper sweet nothings whenever he saw you late nights; no longer leaving his home to go on dates, but to stay wrapped up in his sheets. Telling you things he knows will make you weak, thing he knows will make you stay a little longer. All these years of this back and forth game you played with your ex, you had no idea why you couldn't just learn and do better for yourself instead of letting him reel you in, making you think he genuinely wanted and needed you.

There was no one like you.

You, so perfect.

You, made just for him. 

You should've known better.

This was no one else's fault but your own. You let him in, you let him in, you let him in. And you fall for it every single time, knowing you were never going to be his one and only again, knowing you weren't the only one he was keeping around. But for whatever sick reason, you wanted to believe you could get him to change again. You wanted to believe you meant more to him, that your history meant more to him. But that's all it was— wishful thinking.

Empty words built on shaky foundation.

So here you are, after he had called you saying he had missed you and wished you were near him. Here you are, crying everything you have left in you after giving him what he wanted. Here you are, after hearing that this wasn't anything to Mingi, that you weren't anything to Mingi. Here you are, broken to pieces, empty, soulless.

Again and again.

"Fucking asshole." You groan to yourself, tears streaming steadily as you head down the street from his building to a random corner. You sit on the sidewalk, kicking aggressively at the rocks beneath your feet. You give one last good grunt out of frustration before you rest your arms on your knees, head hanging low to let all your tears fall freely.

You had been crying so hard that you hadn't realized a car had pulled up in the empty spot near the curb you sat on, car being turned off before someone steps out and shut their door. You suddenly feel a hand on your back and you instantly ease up, knowing exactly who that touch belongs to.

"Hwa." You look at him, watery eyes blood shot red. He can't help but feel sorry for you, you're aware. You can tell by the way his brows soften when he sees how torn up you are, you can tell by the way his lips poke out because he isn't really sure what else he can say at this point. He shouldn't have to say anything anymore. He shouldn't be here—

You shouldn't be here.

"I told you to stay put." He teasingly scolds you, but you continue to look at him with that sad, pathetic look. "Let's get home, hm?" He follows up, free hand coming to wipe your tears away. You nod, allowing Seonghwa to help you up and into the car. He doesn't really say anything when he gets in and buckles his seatbelt, but he glances over at you, watches as you sink in the passenger's seat and look out the window.

He hates it, and he wishes he could do more to take this away from you. To keep you away from Mingi, to take away your pain completely.

It's not the first time Seonghwa's had to come get you. He's almost losing track of how many times you've called him crying because you wanted to leave a party after seeing Mingi flirting around [even though he'd deny it time and time again]. The times you've called because he left you at parties to hang out with other people, other girls. The times Mingi has disrespectfully called you out your name mid-argument, gaslighting you into thinking you were in the wrong.

Seonghwa's only hope is that one day, you'll finally get tired of your ex and move on. Leaving Mingi where he belongs, especially when he couldn't even give you the proper respect. Mingi's only reasoning for breaking up with you was that he couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the relationship anymore. He just couldn't, and you knew what he truly meant— it just wasn't you anymore. 

And for months and months, you sat there wondering what you could've done differently, or if there was a sign that you had missed. Every time he called, it had you thinking he must've realized he couldn't do this without you, that he was wrong and that he did want this after all.

Nope.

He made you believe it for a night, yes. Then, he'd go back to reminding you what you actually meant to you— that you were delusional, that you kept forcing things between him. That you knew what this was.

You should've known what this was.

♡ END

"He wasn't even doing anything! Not shit you needed to step in between for! He was literally—"

"Oh my fucking god." Seonghwa groans. "And you're still defending him!" He yells, his brows furrowed when he turns to look at you. He feels like he can barely breathe due to the anger surging through his veins, plus the betrayal he's feeling with the way you're delivering your responses. The way you look at him. The way you're keeping your distance.

After everything, it still seems like you're taking Mingi's side. You always find a way to defend him one way or another, even if you don't realize it.

Seonghwa does, and it hurts.

"I'm not!" Your tone is louder. "I could've taken care of it myself, he wasn't doing anything!" You repeat.

"He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N! All up in your space, trying to force you to do shit when you didn't want it. Yet, you wanna tell me he wasn't doing anything?"

"I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal, Hwa! I could've handled it!"

"Really? I doubt that." 

"Wow, are you serious?" You say, hurt. But, he scoffs and continues because you need to hear this. 

"I am. You always let him push you around and walk all over you. I thought by now you'd be smart enough to realize that you're worth much more than that." His tone rises again. "Why do you always let him do this to you? You're so used to the way Mingi treats you and you do nothing to change that. You always let him in. You're so brainwashed and you literally have no respect for yourself, it's fucking sad."

"You know nothing about our relationship." You're crying and angrily wiping away at your tears, unsure of how else to act, what else to say. Sure, you and Seonghwa have gotten into petty fights and arguments. Mostly over dumb shit, but nothing ever this serious. You know he cares, and he means well. But this anger, this seemingly pent up frustration— you aren't entirely sure where it was stemming from. You have never seen him act this way and quite frankly, this part of Seonghwa is very difficult to navigate. 

You've never had to.

"Yeah, because I wasn't the one rescuing you in the middle of the night every time he decided to throw your ass out, right? Because I wasn't the one having to calm you down when you were crying? Because I wasn't the one whose had to pick up the pieces every time he broke your heart to try and chase after somebody else? When he says all those shitty things about you that get to your head? When he'd fucking leave you stranded?" He shakes his head. "I'm sure I know nothing about your relationship." The two of you are staring at each other, both at a loss for words after everything has been laid out on the table. Seonghwa is the first to break, having enough of this bullshit and not wanting to say anything else. Mostly because he still cares about you and your feelings, and it's breaking his heart to see you crying over him this time. "I'm done here. I'm sure San will take you home."

"Whatever, fuck you." You respond before turning on your heel to walk away. As soon as you've created enough distance between you and Seonghwa, you find yourself stopping in your path to sob into your hands. It isn't until a few minutes later that you feel hands on your arms, a familiar touch that belongs to somebody else dear to you—

"Hey, let's get you home." San says, with Wooyoung behind him. You can't see much due to the tears in your eyes, but you can tell it's Hongjoong walking alongside of Seonghwa, making sure he's okay and pushing him along towards the car.

"He'll be okay. Just needs some time to breathe." Wooyoung adds, holding out his arm so that you can slip yourself right underneath while walking to San's car. "You alright?" Wooyoung pouts, wiping some of the straggling tears escaping your bottom lids.

"Mhm." You lie, just to keep the walk quiet and peaceful. And it is for a bit, even as you sit in the backseat of San's car. The only thing filling the space is the music playing through bluetooth— Wooyoung's playlist, actually. San peeks over at you through the rearview mirror, feeling bad for how everything went down. But, he gets it. He gets Seonghwa. You do deserve better. Mingi should never get an ounce of your attention after how he's treated you— esp with Seonghwa being here all along.

"You know he just really cares about you, right?" San breaks the silence. 

"I know." You mumble, head leaning back against the seat while you look out the window. "I've just never seen him act that way."

"It's Mingi." Wooyoung adds. "Can I be honest?" He turns to look at you with doe eyes. "I'm not trying to attack you, I promise. We see both sides." You nod quietly. "It's hard when you have history with someone, and it's hard to undo bad habits you've learned in the relationship. We know Mingi was someone special to you, but he hasn't been good for you for a long time. And there's no changing that man at this point. If it's anybody, Seonghwa knows all of that very well, especially when he's been by your side throughout everything." Wooyoung lets out a small sigh. "I'm certain he's hurt because even after everything he's done to be there, Mingi's actions seem to be dismissible. And his actions get overlooked."

"Woo, I'm not even dismissing Mingi's actions."

"Okay, baby girl. You're not. But, I think Seonghwa would have appreciated if you were there for him tonight instead of getting upset. He just wants to keep you safe."

"His goal has always been to keep you safe." San adds softly, driving towards your place.

"I didn't want Hwa to get hurt, h-he didn't have to do that." You sniffle, leaning your head against the window.

"You know he's not gonna sit back and let that shit happen." Woo adds, also leaning his head back against the headrest— a small headache forming after tonight's events. When you finally get home, San and Wooyoung offer to stay the night to keep you company, but you politely decline. They walk you to the door and give you big hugs, asking you a million times if you're sure about being alone tonight.

And you quietly nod.

Because there's nothing else you'd rather be than alone tonight. You want to be alone in your own space, crying alone in your bed; head against the pillow, tucked underneath your sheets.

You want to be alone.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa is struggling. He isn't sure what to do, hates not having you by his side. He doesn't know what's gonna happen from here on out, what will be left of you two after all this.

From the kiss, to Mingi, to the argument.

It's so fucked up.

Seonghwa hadn't even realized how much of his life was dedicated to you— how much of his life was just you. Even when he tried so hard for it to not be you.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa groans and slams his hand against a brick wall in passing. 

"Aye, come on now." Hongjoong clicks his teeth and pushes him away from the wall, urging him to continue down the car. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I swear to God if I ever see Mingi—"

"You won't. He should know better, and hopefully Y/N does, too." Hwa lets out a hefty sigh as he swings Joong's door open and plops into the passenger's seat. Not much is said between the two, even as Hongjoong drives off to his place. Seonghwa rests his head back and shuts his eyes, equally angry, yet dizzy from the alcohol still running through him. 

"I don't know what to do, Joong. I can't keep doing this just for it to get me nowhere."

"You two really need to fucking talk." Hongjoong does a slight head tilt as he continues to drive to Seonghwa's place. "I don't mean to make this worse, but I saw you two." Seonghwa looks at him before resting his head back against the headrest again. "I didn't come so I could give you guys some space."

"Fuck." Hwa repeats again with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I don't know where this leaves us."

"Give it a few days or whatever, but you need to figure this out with her." Seonghwa doesn't speak anymore, mainly because he's starting to feel nauseous after the adrenaline, the alcohol. He's doing his best to keep it together. But, on top of that, he has a ton of thoughts swirling in his mind— he doesn't really know how to tackle them or where to even start. In the end, he's afraid of what this will do to your relationship.

You and him.

In the end, he just doesn't know anymore.

This is the longest Seonghwa hasn't talked to you. It's been a little over two weeks— usually, the two of you would break in a few hours, not wanting to be without the other for long.

But this, this was different.

Of course, everything felt awful. You both felt awkward about having to be the first person to break the silence, both remembering that night and how heated it had gotten.

The kiss.

The argument.

Everything about the situation felt like doom, chaos. A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings overpowering each other, threatening to burst at the seams.

Seonghwa had thought long and hard about this, though. For him, he decided he just needed to step back and give himself a breather. Let him do things for himself, carry on with the mentality that he'd finally put himself first. So, that's what he's been trying to do. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. It does. It's terrible. He's gotten so used to having you by his side, so used to running to you first about anything and everything.

He's had to bite his tongue when he finally nailed that fucking uni pasta recipe he had been experimenting for years. Because he wanted to tell you he did so, wanted to invite you over so you could be the first to taste it;

Oh well.

His heart sinks when the realization hits him again, and he's having to give himself a 'lil pep talk to push through. He can't be the person to say sorry first, he can't be the first to break— not when he didn't do anything wrong. He needs to stop apologizing when he's not in the wrong or when he feels bad. He's given you way too much of that, and this time around, he wasn't going to.

He needs you to be the first to break. Needs you to be the one to say sorry. Needs you to show him you understand and that you would never intentionally hurt him, especially over Song Mingi.

He's still counting the days. Maybe he'll have to keep doing so. Gives him time to himself, some peace. Let's him know how much you'd truly work to salvage your relationship with him.

Your own bestfriend before anything.

Because he knows he'd do anything to keep you by his side. He would. It just sucks that he doesn't know if you would do the same. He can't confidently say the same.

But, you absolutely would.  Days and nights have passed and you could barely sleep, always questioning what Seonghwa was doing and if he was even thinking about you. This was on you, though. You knew it. You just didn't know how to say it to him and it's definitely a learning lesson for you— all in all, you wanna be better and you wanna be better for him. You miss Seonghwa a lot. You truly didn't know what it meant to be missing your other half until now;

Empty, alone.

Cold.

You sigh as you toss the pillow aside and sit up in bed, checking the time on the clock. 

3am.

You couldn't sleep, and you freeze. You freeze because you have no one to call anymore. So you turn, and turn. No longer able to find sleep for the rest of the night.

When the sun finally rises, you force yourself to get up to go for a run and grab a good cup of coffee and breakfast. It was your day off, but you thought you could at least take advantage of being up early; take advantage of soaking in the morning sun.

You were tired of sulking and being in bed. Being cooped up at home when you weren't at work.

You throw on your leggings and matching sports bra, grabbing an oversized zip-up to shield you from the morning cold. Yaya is already working in the kitchen, so you quickly let her know you'll be out for a run— rushing over to your car to avoid any questioning this early in the day. You drive over to a lake near town that has a 4.5 mile trail around its perimeter. Since it's still early, the trail isn't crowded with people; perfect enough for you to get a good 3 mile run in. You hadn't ran in a minute, but 3 miles seemed to be a breeze when there was a lot of pent up frustration and anger you needed to release. Of course, you were beyond tired at the end, but it wasn't anything coffee and a good pastry couldn't fix.

At the cafe, you grab a seat right outside of the entrance to enjoy your breakfast, scrolling through social media per usual. You click into your messages for god knows why, knowing Seonghwa hadn't messaged you.

He hasn't.

Why would he?

You sigh, the sadness now returning. You quickly clean up and toss your trash into the bin inside the restaurant before grabbing your cup of iced coffee and heading home. Once you get home, you throw your clothes into the laundry and take a hot, steamy shower, letting your worries go momentarily.

And then, you nap. Exhaustion finally hitting you from the lack of sleep.

Post-nap, you take time to clean around your suite and hang out with Yaya, watching a few episodes of her current favorite show. You help Yaya with a few things around the house, taking the time to bring her to the grocery store just right before the sun sets. Even though Yaya can tell something is wrong, she doesn't bother you or question you like you'd expect— probably leaving it for Soyeon to do the heavy lifting. You do appreciate that you don't have to dwell on it while spending time with her, though. 

Soyeon, Charli and Junseo had visited the past days, and although Charli was able to make you smile and laugh, Soyeon could also easily tell something was wrong without you having to say anything at all. Your demeanor had changed, you seemed to be snapping quicker than usual. Attitude wasn't so bright and happy. Seonghwa hadn't been around, but the other boys had quickly stopped by just to hang out.

You dimmed it down to a 'little fight between you and Hwa,' but Soyeon knew better than that, and she was hoping she'd be able to get it out of you soon. This wasn't like you, and it wasn't like Seonghwa to not come around for days on end.

This wasn't just a little fight.

"Hey." She calls you when you're settled back in your humble abode, and although you don't mind hearing from your boss-slash-cousin, you could do without any work-related conversations right now.

"What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the restaurant soon. Yoongi and Junseo are going to close up. It's gotten quiet. Can I stop by? I have some food for you."

"Sure. Where's Chacha?"

"With Junseo's parents."

"Mm." You hum. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30 minutes or so. I'm just gonna wrap a few things up here."

"Sounds good." You hang up the call, a bit relieved that your cousin [not your cousin on boss-mode] is coming over. 

When she arrives, it's about 7:45pm. She quietly knocks before announcing her presence— stepping out of her shoes before joining you on your living room floor in front of the coffee table and TV. For a good part of the conversation, you indulge in some of the chicken she brought over, listening to her update you about the restaurant and some drama on his side of the family. She asks if there's anything new going on with you or the boys, and you simply shrug.

This is definitely her way of poking at you, and you're very close to cracking because who else can you open up to about this?

No one, and at this point, you need to. You need the reassurance.

"Are you sure nothing's up? To be honest, I know something's bothering you, and I know this wasn't just a 'little fight' between you and Hwa." She forms air quotes. That's the moment you do crack, tears welling in your eyes when you revisit that night. You tell Soyeon everything and confide in her, giving her more details about your dinner with San, to dancing with Seonghwa and kissing him, to Mingi and their fight. You tell her it's been about two weeks since you've spoken and you know Seonghwa is waiting for you to make the first move. 

You tell her how you've started to realize your feelings for Seonghwa after everything and how incredibly terrified you are of them.

"I don't know what to do, Soyeon. He probably hates me."

"Just go over there and talk to him, Y/N. What are you waiting for? You know he's waiting for you to take initiative, and you should this time. This is all you." You sigh, bottom lip trembling as you begin to cry. 

"I know."

"You know Seonghwa the best. It's so obvious how much he likes you and adores you after all this time. Why are you so afraid?"

"I know, I know." You sniffle. "I just am, Soyeon. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of Seonghwa realizing this isn't what he expected. I'm afraid of Seonghwa." You cry a bit harder and Soyeon is holding you close, rubbing your back as you lean against her shoulder. "I'm scared of this ruining us completely. What if we do get together and things don't pan out the way we expected? I'm so scared of losing him completely that I just don't know where I lie in all of this despite my feelings for him."

"You can't be afraid about every little thing, Y/N. I know it's scary, and life hasn't been entirely nice to you. But, this is your bestfriend. You can't just sit around and brush it under the rug when you know this is something you two need to discuss. Regardless of what happens, Seonghwa will never let you go. You two have been through so much together, he would never wanna do life without you by his side. Never." She continues to reassure you, giving you the push you need to get yourself together and just face it.

You loved Seonghwa, and it was time you looked beneath the surface.

Soyeon didn't stay too long after the two of you finish eating last night— turning the conversation into something more lighthearted after you cried and thanked her for being there for her. Her reassurance worked so much that you're ready to tackle the morning bright and early, throwing on some clothes to head over to Seonghwa's place. After Soyeon left, you called Wooyoung and asked what time Seonghwa's shift was for tomorrow. He snorted and told you it was 10am and asked what you were up to. You let Wooyoung know about your talk with Soyeon and that you missed him, finally throwing the stupid shit aside to just try and talk to him about that night.

To apologize, to make things right.

To tell him that you love him.

You keep it casual and comfy, throwing on some black and white wide-leg track pants, a crop tank and a baggy grey zip-up hoodie. You throw on your shoes, swiftly grab your keys and crossbody bag, jogging out to your car with a quick 'good morning' yell to Yaya from the side of the house. As you drive over to Seonghwa's apartment, you are equally filled with anxiety, nervousness and adrenaline. You're ready to put this behind you, but you're especially ready to talk to Seonghwa again. See him. Hug him. 

Keep him close, never let him stray far again.

You pull into a guest lot, shutting off your car and wondering if you should've brought over some coffee, breakfast, anything, to make this a bit less awkward.

"Fuck." You mutter to yourself as you shake the thoughts from your head; no time for overthinking while you're running on limited time. You jog up the steps and up to Seonghwa's apartment, hesitating when you get to the front door before you finally bring your knuckles to the surface to give a couple of loud knocks. It takes a second before you hear rustling behind the door, Seonghwa clearing his throat before he swings the door open in a white tank and sweats. Your eyes immediately meet his, but he looks surprised, caught off guard even.

But, caught off guard in a sense that he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

You don't understand it until you see someone in the back try to slip by unnoticed, but she's wearing Seonghwa's shirt. Your heart immediately sinks to your gut and it makes you feel queasy. It shouldn't, but you hate to say it does.

It's probably Makayla.

It's too fucking late.

"Oh." Is all you say, and Seonghwa feels his heart break to a million pieces when he sees the look on your face. You're trying your hardest not to show how much it hurts you, but he knows you. He knows you well, that's for damn sure.

"Y/N—"

"It's good, I didn't meant to interrupt, I'm sorry— I'll catch you later." You ramble and rush down the steps, hurrying away from the apartment to prevent Seonghwa from seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

This was your fault anyway, who else was there to blame?

"Y/N!" Seonghwa calls out one last time, but you're already running to your car. Very obvious that you're wiping away at your face as you sink into the driver's seat and pull out of the spot without turning back. "Fuck." Seonghwa groans to himself, and Makayla kinda just watches everything unfold right in front of her eyes. He runs a hand through his long, black locks, shutting the door quietly behind him as he turns to her and gives her a sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry."

"That was Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah. My bestfriend." He looks at her, and she can already tell. She can already tell that it's you, and there is more to it than that. He loves you, and it's very, very obvious.

"You love her, don't you?" He lets out a breath and shrugs. He doesn't say anything for a bit, rather looks at her with those big doe-eyes before she catches him subtly nodding and diverting his attention to the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry, Makayla. I really am." What the fuck else can he say? He must look so fucked up right now; having taken her out the night before and let her spend the night after fumbling in the sheets. He was curious to see if Makayla would be the door to a new path, something that'll help him move forward. He had hope. After this morning's events, that clearly wasn't going to be the case and he wasn't going to lie about it.

"Don't be." She gives him a small, toothless smile. Because although it does suck, she's been there before and she'd hate for Seonghwa to miss out on the person he truly wants to be with. "You should really talk to her before it's too late."

♡ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE

You're on Seonghwa's back as he trails behind the group, walking up the path to the view of the city behind campus. Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung and a few other heads had wanted to go on a late night walk— the goal being the view at the end for everyone to just sit and admire. At first, you didn't feel like going with a bunch of obnoxious boys. But, you had been cooped up in your room doing nothing but studying all day. It sounded better knowing Seonghwa would be around and being in the crisp, night air. 

Seonghwa continues to walk up the slightly steep hill before spotting the view just down the street, you jumping off his back as soon as it becomes clear in sight.

"Hwa! Look at it!" You squeal, running to one of the free areas near the fence to get a good picture of the view. "It's so pretty! Look!" 

"Yeah, it is." He catches his breath as he walks over next to you. Trekking that hill is not for the weak.

"Oh my god, look at all those lights. It's so beautiful. I didn't realize how flat the town is." You're mainly thinking out loud, saying it to yourself, but Seonghwa chuckles next to you and quietly nods. "I think I can see our favorite convenient store from here, and our favorite spot to get jajangmyeon."

"How would you know, they're little blobs right now."

"How would you not know, Seonghwa? Are you a fraud? Do you even like those places like you say you do?" He snorts.

"Relax, Nancy Drew. It was just a question."

"I just know." You say so matter-of-fact-ly that Seonghwa smiles to himself while you continue to look out at the view. "The stars are so pretty tonight, weather is so perfect. Ugh. We should do this more often." You continue to go on and Seonghwa just likes listening to you talk. He always has, always will.

Everything about you was his favorite.

"I— what?" You look up and see Seonghwa still staring at you before he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Nothing."

"Pichu, what is it?" He looks at you again, and it's obvious he wants to tell you something but is preventing himself from spilling it out onto the table for whatever reason. You turn towards him and cross your arms, tapping your foot to wait for his response.

"Nothing! I'm just— nothing."

"Park Seonghwa."

"I-I—" He sighs. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you ended up going on the walk with us. I wanted you here."

"Aw, you little sap." You pinch his bicep and he yelps. "Are you sure that's all?" He nods.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything." He ruffles your hair and you can't help but pout at. "You know? For being a pain in the ass bestfriend."

"I beg to differ, but you're welcome." You chuckle. "Always us, right pichu?" You playfully punch him on the bicep before returning your attention back to the view.

And he'll forever remember this as the first time he tried to confess his feelings for you.

♡ END

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 15 - Uh Oh | ‘Ours’

“Erm… where were you?!” Winnie yelped when you returned to your area of the club. “You left me alone with a strange man!” she grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side.

“I didn’t leave with a strange man. I left you with T’s friends, one of which you had your tongue down his throat so I kind of assumed you were okay being near him.” You quipped with a smug smile. Winnie didn’t realize you had caught her cheeky makeout with Jadon as you walked to the bathroom about an hour ago.

“Regardless!” She yelped again. You rolled your eyes. She stopped a waitress by your table and she grabbed 2 shots off a tray. “Here…” She handed you one. “Actually…” She grabbed 3 more. “Jadon!” She called for him, interrupting his conversation. As expected, like many boys before him, when Winnie called they answered. “George” She pulled the back of George’s shirt nearby. He turned around pretending that Winnie had yanked him over with some force which she hadn’t. You shook your head at his theatrics. Winnie asked him where Trent was. Trent was with George but since Winnie had begun her round up he had found his way over to you. “Oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t know you were here already.” She laughed seeing Trent. “Sorry! Okay, to George, Happy Birthday, Jadon, nice to meet you, Trent, I hope you had fun fucking my sister! Cheers!” She yelled before she ripped her shot back. Your jaw slacked. You slapped at her arm. You watched everyone at the table take theirs.

“Thank you, Winnie, that was very nice of you.” George had a goofy smile on his face, drunk beyond belief, loving that Winnie paid him mind and that she just called Trent out. George had a slight crush on Winnie. It was definitely more of a looks based attraction. You couldn’t really imagine it passed that. He didn’t know her all that well. You understood Winnie was gorgeous but she was outgoing and George was fairly reserved. It definitely didn’t go over your head though as you sat at dinner to celebrate his birthday while Winnie macked on Jadon. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, she didn’t know he had a thing for her.

“I did have a fun time so yeah, thank you very much, Win” Trent joked pinching in between her shoulder and neck. He rested his chin on you with a sly smile.

“Thank you for including me, Win. George, Happy Birthday bro.” Jadon spoke before he eyed that you hadn’t taken your shot. “Y/N… What’s this? It’s George’s birthday. Go on…” He gave you a sinister smile. You shut your eyes.

“Go on, baby or if you don’t want it, I’ll take it for you.” Trent cooed sweetly kissing your cheek.

“No! No! That’s not how this works! It’s for George’s birthday, welcoming Jadon, and for fucking her, she has to take it.” Winnie quipped with a similar smile to Jadons.

“Okay… Can we just stop with the whole I got fucked please? Like I didn’t…” You tried to keep talking but everyone just jeered.

“Y/N, first off, don’t be such a pussy. Take the shot, you used to be so fun. Secondly, your delusional if you think anyone here believes you two were just gone for an hour and didn’t fuck. Also, T came back with a fresh hickey that wasn’t there when the day started… you know what I’m not going to explain to you that you just had sex in vegas club...” Winnie kept rambling. The way she said it made it sound absolutely disgusting so you laughed. George shook his head at Winnie as she continued. Jadon looked at Winnie amazed with the way she spoke to you but more so at the speed at which she was talking.

“Baby, just take the shot please. Winnie, shut up.” Trent laughed, pinching her cheeks together, pursing her lips closed against her will. You dumped the glass of tequila in your mouth and swallowed so Trent let go of her. Winnie gave you a satisfied smile.

“T, baby?” you cooed asking for his attention as you walked down the corridor of the hotel towards your room. He hummed letting go of your hand momentarily to unlock the door. “Do you think I’m fun?”

“What?” He laughed a little confused as he pushed the door to your room open. Looking back at you as he held it open.

“Like do you think I’m fun? I feel like now I’m a mum.. Let’s do something fun.” While the door shut behind you, you came up to Trent and backed him into one of the entryway walls. You ran your hands up his chest and over his shoulders. You leaned in and started to kiss on his neck. He rolled his head to the side to give you more room loving the feeling of your lips on him.

“Yeah? You want to show me you’re fun?” He asked you. You hummed against his neck. “Where do you wanna be fun, baby?” Trent looked unfairly pretty all the time. He didn’t even have to try. The hour you spent this morning on your makeup couldn’t keep up with his genetics. You envied Teddy for inheriting the lottery that was his features. You sank into his embrace loving the way his hands felt on you. He dropped them lower and lower down your back until he could cheekily slap your ass. You gasped at the sting of it but didn’t even have time to scold him before he picked you up by the back of your thighs. You wrapped your legs around him tight and dragged your foot down his spine. He carried you outside onto the balcony. You moaned when you felt your back press into the railing.

“Can you kiss me, T?” You whined looking deep into his perfect mahogany eyes. You didn’t mean to sound so whiny but just the way he picked you up felt so rough and you wanted him to take control subconsciously. He smirked at you loving that he got you to a place where you were asking for him. He slid his thumb over your lips before he tilted your chin and pressed his to yours.

“I need more of you, baby.” He pulled away, breaking your steamy kiss. “I need you so bad.” He gruffed before his lips met yours again. Your hands were all over each other as you peeled your clothes off from tonight. His words were like gasoline on a fire. He treated you like a rag doll once your clothes were all peeled off. He set you down to stand on the balcony of your hotel room high above the city of Las Vegas in just the pretty bra you had worn under your top. He turned your body around slow. You bent over the railing willingly raising your ass into the night air. Trent let his spit fall onto your ass. He watched it fall down over your ass and into the folds of your pussy. His hands caressed the fat of your ass. He ran his hand up your spine.

“Did you like not wearing anything tonight?” You cocked your head to the side to see him. You gave a cheeky grin and shook your head ‘no.’ “Nah? Not even for me, baby. Didn’t like that I had these in my pocket all night?” He spoke to you with his lips right behind your ear in the sexiest way. He had pulled you back up to him, your back to his chest. He said he needed you but you thought you were going to scream if he didn’t touch you soon. He licked against your earlobe. He knew exactly what he was doing, riling you up. You felt his chest rumble when he silently giggled as you tried to rub your ass against his hardening cock to get him to do something, anything.

“T… Please, baby. It’s not funny.” You whined. He kissed your neck with a sly smirk. He grabbed your wrists off the railing and held them together behind your back. You felt him pull out said thong you hadn’t been wearing all night and wrapped them around your wrists linking them tightly together. You whimpered as he tightened them. “Oh fuck… T, You weren't kidding about that?”

“No baby, I’m not fucking about. I am here to have fun with you, yeah? I thought you wanted that?” He cooed in a teasing tone. You felt his hand slip underneath you dragging his fingers through your absolutely drenched folds and you whimpered. “I want you to make a mess on my fingers, can you do that for me?” he whispered into your ear as you nodded desperately overwhelmed by the intrusion of his fingers entering you. He curled his fingers inside you finding your gspot in seconds. He refused to let up. You were practically riding his fingers. Your moans getting increasingly louder when his thumb pressed harsh circles on your clit. You let out a soft cry as you rocked your hips onto his hand. Almost immediately you felt your orgasm come crashing over you. Your body shaking, if he wasn’t holding you, you would’ve collapsed. “Good girl.” He whispered in your ear. He teased you, dragging his leaking tip across the smooth skin of your ass before slipping it between your folds teasing your entrance. He slowly pushed his cock into your pussy without another word. You were completely drenched. You could feel yourself coat his length in your slick again and again as he drilled in and out of you. The recoil of your ass from his hard thrusts had Trent in pure heaven. God, it must’ve been a good 30 minutes of him just blowing your back out until you felt like your legs were going to give out. Trent could tell. You got whiny and had a hard time staying up and withstanding his force.

“You okay, baby? Want me to take care of you now?” you got out a measly ‘please.’ “Yeah? Alright baby. Just gimme cum f’me like this and then I’ll take care of you.”

“T…” You whined as you felt his hand come to rub tight harsh circles on your clit. You didn’t have a shot in hell at lasting. “Oh my god, baby, please.” You cried. You felt the tears roll down your face. Your high crashed over you

“Alright… c’mere baby.” He turned you around. “Promise, okay?” You nodded with a shy smile. You stepped forward and pressed your forehead against his chest. He rubbed your back before he picked you and carried you to the couch on the balcony. He laid your back down onto the cushion.

“I love you so much.” You pulled Trent down to you by his biceps pressing your lips to his. Your watery eyes looked up at him. He kissed you again.

“I love you, baby. Always. Want me to keep fucking you?” He gave you such a innocent sweet smile but he was eager to get back inside.

“Please” you giggled

“Ah yeah, fine, I guess I can. If you want” He threw his head to the side pretending it wasn't really something he wanted but Trent hadn’t cum yet and he was dying. He just needed to make sure you were okay. You were impatient though missing the feeling of him so you pulled him closer to your entrance. He slid his painfully hard cock back inside your dripping pussy. He was brash and filled you completely right away, unable to wait any longer. You took his whole length. You gasped at the way his cock stretched you out. Trent let out a moan that made your pussy twitch. Your arms scratched at his back as your legs wrapped tight around his waist. “Want me to cum inside you, baby? Fill you up?” He asked you with his lips nibbling on your neck as he began to drill into you. You nodded ardently with a whimper, unable to speak. “Want me to get you pregnant again? That what you want?” he grunted.

“Oh my god, T!” You yelped as he pushed somehow even deeper inside of you. “Fuck…” You don’t know what it was but just the idea of the beautiful man that you loved above you getting you pregnant, carrying his child set you off. Your pussy clenched tighter around him. He threw his head back in pleasure before he came forward again raising one of your legs up above your head keeping it straight. He softly kissed your ankle. The new position made your jaw slack.

“Cum f’me. Can you do that for me, baby?” He breathed into your neck. His thrusts were mind numbingly perfect. His warm lips covering your collarbones in steamy kisses. His pace had become relentless, his hips unforgiving as he moved, driving his cock in and out of you, consistently hitting a spot so deep inside you. You didn’t really have an option if you came or not, you were going to.

“Fuck, gonna cum beautiful.” he cursed. His fingers dug into your skin and his nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, as he pushed his hips into one last time before he spilled into your tight heat. Trent’s eyes rolled back at the way you gently moved your hips against his to help him ride out his high. You stayed like that for ages. The hot Southwest night air encompassing you. “C’mon… bringing you inside. I gotta lay down.” He laughed while picking you up. You weren’t sure how he managed because you felt like you could barely move. You wrapped your legs around him tightly and nestled yourself against his chest. He sat down on the bed and laid back.

“I hope no one else was outside on their balcony…” You looked up at him with a laugh. Trent’s eyes were closed but a cheeky smile started to pull his lips. You kissed him gently. He started laughing. He rolled his head to the side holding you tighter to him.

“I’m hungry, baby.” He turned back to look at you. “You want anything?” He sat up and reached for the hotel room phone. You shook your head ‘no’ at first. He gave you a patient glare. “You’re not eating my food, so what do you want?” He laughed.

“You wouldn’t share with me?” You pouted. “Me… The mother of your child? You wouldn’t share?” You draped your arms around his neck dramatically as if you were begging him. He shook his head ‘no.’ “Fine… fine… I think I want….” You rattled off way too much food. You laid in bed on top of him exhausted waiting. He ran his hands up and down your sides racking over your ribs when you heard a knock on the door. Room service had arrived. It was about 5 am at this point you should be eating breakfast probably but you had ordered all sorts of things. Trent was a bit more cautious with his order considering he was in season. He hadn’t even drank that much and your eyes were probably bigger than your stomach.

“Can you get it…” You giggled before you gave Trent a pouty face and puppy dog eyes.

“You’re on top of me!” He laughed at you. “How do you want me to.. Ugh.” He groaned sitting up bringing your body with his. “Alright c’mon.” Trent sat up right using his core strength and moved to the edge of the bed. You wrapped your legs around him before placing a kiss on his lips. He stood up and turned around. “Thank you. Now, let go.” he leaned over so your back was to the mattress. You let go over him and your limbs flopped onto the bed. Trent pulled on his boxers and made his way to the door.

“Thank youuuu” You sang cheekily happily getting situated back under the covers. He joined you and you ate about ¼ of your food. Trent ate about half of yours complaining the whole time that he shouldn’t have been doing it which was cute. You cuddled up, splitting the milkshake you had gotten watching a film until you realized you had about three hours before you had to leave to get to the race track.

“You’ve always been fun. Every day, baby.” Trent cooed ghosting his lips over your hair as you began to drift to sleep.

“How can I be more fun though?” You asked quietly. Trent was quiet for a moment trying to think about how to answer this correctly.

“Baby I think you’re the most fun. Maybe you need some spontaneity though.” He looked down at you and brushed some of your hair behind your ear.

“One year olds don’t do spontaneity.” You giggled sleepily imaging your little girl who you missed so much.

“Well I do. Give it a go sometime. Do something that you think would surprise me.” he cooed in a soft tone. You laid in bed with Trent in silence thinking of all the ways you could potentially ‘surprise’ him until his voice cut off your thoughts.

“Baby? When did you stop telling me?” He spoke quietly, almost half asleep. You looked up at him confused “like when you want me to blow your back out, when did you stop telling me?”

“Oh… I don’t know just has been so hectic, we’re on your schedule now so.” You responded, trying to brush it off. Frankly, it wasn’t really a thought out thing. You weren’t actively trying not to tell him.

“It’s our schedule.” He corrected you.

“I am not paid by Liverpool Football Club so not exactly... “ You giggled, reaching up to brush your thumb over his high cheekbone.

“Baby…” He cooed. You softly smiled at him. “I promise you for the rest of my life you can always tell me you want me to fuck you. Alright?” He laughed pretty damn sure every time you asked 99/100 times he was going to say yes.

“Okay, what about right now?” You cheekily asked him.

“C’mere.” he dragged your face up to his smushing a wet sloppy kiss on your lips, squishing your body impossibly tight to him.

You and Winnie had a flight back to New York from Las Vegas. You hated leaving Trent but you were desperate to get back to your baby. When you landed you and Winnie met your parents in Manhattan to get Teddy and then went to her apartment. You FaceTimed Lauren from her tiny living room exhausted from your travels but relieved to have the cutest girl in the world back in your arms.

“Winnie! I don’t know what you should do. It’s your call. It’s you and him in the bed, not me.” You finished your sentence with a little laugh..

“It wasn’t in the bed.” She giggled. You and Lauren rolled your eyes. You were updating her all about the trip you had just been on despite the fact that you were going to see her for dinner in a few hours.

“So it was fun?” Lauren cooed with interest.

“Y/N got her back blow out though.” Winnie felt inclined to let her know, trying to deviate away from the conversation about her. Lauren’s jaw dropped sarcastically to tease you. You having sex wasn’t exactly that groundbreaking.

“Okay, we need to stop saying that. I’ve heard that phrase more in the last 24 hours than I needed to in a lifetime.” You flashed a glare at Winnie. Returning back to your friend group an hour later from the bathroom of a club didn’t go unnoticed. Winnie was all ears of course when you finally caved and told her about the amazing sex you had. It was brag worthy, to be fair.

“Oooo how good did he fuck you? Mum and Daddddddyyy” Lauren teased you laughing. Teddy squealed, hearing the playful way Lauren sang ‘daddy.’ Winnie joined in riling up Teddy tickling her tummy.

“Guys! We’re talking about her father stop!!!!” You laughed trying to scold them but it was funny. “Yeah, you like dada, huh? We miss him right? We’ll call him in a second, Ted.” You cooed in a baby voice just to her.

“Ew! Well don’t say that!” Winnie gave you a sick face. You ignored her childishness about highlighting that Trent was Teddy’s dad. The three of you had a field day calling him daddy. He hated it when they did it but it always made you laugh.

“Aw, our Teddy girl. We only got you because your mummy was a little slutty, maybe we’ll get you a cousin with Win.” Lauren joked. She was poking fun about the morning you had had before you made it to the airport with Winnie which included an urgent stop at a pharmacy.

“No, stop. Not funny. No cousins, thank you.” Winnie quickly scolded Lauren for a joke she didn’t appreciate.

“No, we got her because mummy loves dada and we wanted you more than anything in the world. We love you so much, baby.” You corrected Lauren’s statement more speaking to Teddy and kissing her incessantly.

“Wait… so why is it any different than when you do it!?” Winnie yelped. She had been debating with you and Lauren and really herself if it was okay or not that she had let Jadon cum inside her. You couldn’t say anything, you didn’t have a horse in the race, you were holding a baby.

“Winnie, because you had to buy Plan B this morning!” Lauren screamed through the phone. Honestly, they were just being precautionary and it’s not like your first few nights with Trent were any different. It was a heat of the moment thing.

“Yeah, well who asked you.” Winnie waved her hand dismissing Lauren. She didn’t want to hear the facts.

“You called me. Goodbyeee. See you soon my pretty girls!” Lauren cooed before she hung up. You had dinner in a little over near Lauren’s apartment but you obviously couldn’t wait until then to spill all the tea. Teddy was coming so it was fairly early but you were still excited to go out in the city again with them.

“Can you believe almost 2 years ago you just had sex one day or night and now you have a baby.” Winnie turned to you on her couch, pulling both her legs up onto the cushion. She said it like it was the craziest thing in the world.

“That was the goal, Win.” You laughed. Then for a moment you paused trying to think about what day or night it might’ve been. You never really did the math. You were just so excited.

“Insane. Like you were ‘trying’' Winnie air quoted the word and then turned back to her TV shaking her head imagining that.

“Ugh I hate when people say that. ‘Trying’” you rolled your eyes. “Like you and him are trying, to everyone else you’re just having sex.” You spoke to her but she had already checked out. She wasn’t even watching TV anymore; she was engrossed in her phone. You were quiet for a little while before Winnie began kicking her feet against the couch excitedly. “What was that?” You laughed at her with curiosity about what had her so giddy. She turned her phone for you to see a message from Jadon.

‘So into you. Can’t stop thinking about you.’

“Well what did you send him?” You asked naively. You were happy she had a fun weekend. Of course, it did make you slightly nervous that the two people you were closest with were both talking to Trent’s friends. You hoped it would be fine, nothing dramatic happen. Jadon wasn’t as close but still you just hoped this either worked or had an amicable end.

“That’s besides the point!” She smirked. She didn’t need to tell you. The face alone gave it away immediately. Clearly it was something dirty.

“Winnie!” You yelled. She fell forward, pressing her forehead against your thigh attempting to hide her face from you. She sat back up and nestled into the corner of the couch though holding her phone high and tight to her chest as she responded.

“I don’t even want to see your response. Do we, Ted?” You giggled and kissed Teddy’s temple as she sat in your lap happily. “You know, I never put that together but you with a London boy makes a lot of sense.” You tried to discuss the possibility with Winnie but she was in her own world. A silly smile glued on her face as she texted away. Maybe at dinner she’d give you more.

December was a really busy month for Trent so he flew back directly to Liverpool for work. You were planning on staying in New York for a few days to check out some things for the wedding. It was really hard to do all of it remotely. You needed to see things first hand and approve a lot. You felt like the date was fast approaching. Your mum hated the idea but you and Trent decided you wanted to do it this summer. Why wait was your mentality. Your mum would’ve preferred she had two years to plan but that wasn’t going to happen you wanted to be his wife. You were a little worried about having Teddy alone for a few days but it’d be fine. You had Winnie and Lauren around. You few days passed and you went to the Plaza to look at florals, colors of tablecloths and plates. You’d text Trent everysingle decision you’d be asked to make and he’d respond with a simple ‘I trust you.’ It was fine. It was a little sad you couldn’t do it together but this is how things were. You and Lauren went to Ellie Saab one day for a fitting for a dress you wanted to wear the night before. Then you facetimed Trent from Tavern on the Green to look at the back garden and discuss menus. It was all a blur so day three or four of your trip, Winnie offered to take you and Teddy for lunch uptown to not think about the wedding for a little. You appreciated it. You were on the phone with Trent walking with Winnie and Teddy after you ate at Saint Ambrose on the Upper East Side.

“Can you go check on something for me while you’re in the area?” Trent asked you over the phone. You nodded and he said he’d text you the information. You didn’t understand what he was asking you to do. Anything he ever did or anyone he knew in New York was usually through you.

“What does that even mean?” You looked at Winnie after you hung up. You clicked the address he sent and went on your way. What you didn’t know was that Winnie and Trent were in cahoots the whole time. She helped plan this because he couldn’t be there. You walked into a residential apartment. It was a beautiful building with a gorgeous lobby but you didn’t understand what you were even there for. “What are we doing… this is so sus” You turned around to her as you pushed Teddy in her pram through the door towards the doorman.

“I know! For real.” Winnie lied pretending she was as confused as you. Trent had asked you to ‘check on something’ whatever that meant at this apartment.

“Hi, I need to pick something up I think?” You said unsure and with a question mark at the end. You looked back at Winnie once more with a ‘what the fuck do I say’ type of look. “Its Apartment 26A?” You told the doorman.

“Oh, of course mam. We were expecting you today.” He looked past you and at Winnie. Which you should’ve clocked in retrospect. He escorted you to the elevators and up you went. You went to the apartment and knocked.

“Trent said it’d be open right?” She looked at you for confirmation but you had no idea. She smiled and turned the doorknob. She opened it a little and let you push. It was an empty apartment. Big, white, and bright. You walked in just as confused as you were when you entered the building. You haphazardly stepped further inside into what you assumed to be the living space. Massive windows paneling the wall let light flood in. You squinted, it was so bright. There was obviously no window furnishings yet. When your eyes adjusted you looked at the hardwood floor and saw a few pieces of paper. You beant over and picked them up and thought you were going to literally fall over when you started reading. It was the original receipt from your first date with Trent. There was a card with it asking you on a date to the same restaurant and a little note.

‘I don’t want you to forget how equally important your life and your background is to our daughter. I love you both so much. Call me. T xx

You crouched down and began to cry. What was this? You grabbed your phone out of your purse and immediately called Trent obviously as instructed.

“What the fuck is this?” You sobbed. He laughed as he answered. You could tell he was training in the gym so he walked out of the room to hear you better.

“What do you think, baby?” He asked you like you were supposed to understand.

“To dinner? Sure.” You giggled.

“Yeah… baby, I figured but I meant about the apartment. It’s ours if you want it. I didn’t want to make a big decision like that without you and before the wedding if you get me but it can be, is what I’m saying.” He cooed with a smile. You had to sit down you could squat anymore you felt dizzy like your legs were going numb. You started crying and wiped the flooding tears off your face with your free hand. You nodded with a pout though. “Good. I love you, baby.”

You sat on the floor looking around the apartment and just kept crying after you hung up with him. Maybe the stress of planning and all the different time zones were getting to you or maybe you were just emotional. Trent didn’t have to do this. You loved living in England and you were happy Teddy was being raised there but this really was special. Winnie stood with Teddy at the big windows identifying and pointing to things outside as she giggled. This was really special.

You sat on the living room floor of Lauren’s apartment the following day with Teddy still in shock that you’d have an apartment in Manhattan again for her. You were watching Trent’s match which was weird to be having US pundits again but you were just happy you could watch at all and support him. The camera stuck to him as they discussed the upcoming fixture and his past performances.

“Is that your dada, Teddy girl?” You asked Teddy as she giggled loving seeing Trent’s face blown up on Lauren's big TV screen. Of course, they had to note that Trent attended the Grand Prix recently. It was just so typical for American coverage to focus on something so unrelated. ‘Looks like he had a lot of fun in Vegas’ one pundit said as Trent turned his head. The side of his neck, right before the color of his jersey began was a love bite, a bruising mark still visible on his fading tanned skin.

“Y/N!!! Oh my god! You did him dirty. He’s on live TV.” You shut your eyes a little embarrassed as Lauren yelled laughing that you obviously were the one that left that on him. “Your child is watching!” She teased. You rolled your eyes. “His mum will see that. Slutty, slutty, slutty.”

“Oh my god! Don’t say that!” You flicked your head back at her at the realization. It didn’t matter that you had a kid, that you were getting married, you didn’t want Dianne to know you were marking Trent up. You watched the game and Trent was in really good form. He was having a strong start to the season. The first half was okay it was 2-1 Liverppol but they really needed the win. All was looking good until the 65th minute or so when… honestly you weren't even sure what happened. All of sudden when the camera pulled to a wide angle you could see trent bent over holding onto the goal post in pain.

“What just happened…” You yelped, turning to Lauren. She shook her head equally confused. The game continued to play on so he proceeded to try to run but you could see he was limping. “Oh my god, Lauren… He needs to get off the pitch what just happened.” You thought you were going to have a panic attack when he bent over again in pain. You couldn’t believe you weren't there, that you couldn’t do anything while you just watched him. Trent had never really had many injuries before and practically none since you got together so this was uncharted.

“He’s fine. I’m sure it’s just a cramp.” Lauren cooed quietly trying to calm you down. You stood up and paced holding Teddy.

“He’s not. I know him, he’s not. He wouldn’t drag something out like this if it didn’t actually hurt.” You felt sick. Why was the ball still in play. You think maybe three minutes passed but it felt like an hour. “Stop playing! Oh my god. This is so dumb.” You watched until about the 70th minute when he finally got subbed off. You were relieved but then panic set in when he walked down the tunnel back to the locker room. That wasn’t good. You needed to get home.

You spoke to Trent after the game and he said he was fine. It was a muscle pull but it just tightened up so badly he couldn’t move it on the pitch. He said it already felt better but you didn’t really believe that. You knew he was just trying to settle your nerves. Thankfully your flight was tomorrow morning. You and Teddy got all your bags and said goodbye to Lauren and Winnie and began your long trip back to England. It wasn’t too bad. Teddy barely slept at all during the flight which made things interesting but for the hour she did you decided to listen to a podcast episode Liverpool had put out that Trent was on. He told you not to listen to it. It was just him babbling about things you already knew. You told him would though regardless because you just wanted to hear him talk to you for an hour when you couldn’t be with him so that’s just what you did.

“Trent, we know you don’t talk much about your private life off the pitch but we did want to say congratulations since you did share Instagram recently that you’re going to be getting married.” One of the podcasts hosts congratulated him and by proxy, you guessed, you. You had decided to finally share on Instagram a picture from your engagement and Trent had reshared it. You had been avoiding the internet since to be honest because you didn’t really want to read any negative comments.

“Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Marrying the love of my life. I’m very excited for this summer.” Trent told them and in turn revealed that you’d be getting married this summer which wasn’t a big deal most footballers got married in the summer.

“You seem to be taking on a lot of responsibility.” The other host didn’t ask a question but just kind of laid the fact out in the open. “Vice captain, dad, husband” He listed Trent’s titles.

“I think vice captain is probably the easiest you know.” He laughed. The sound of his coquettish laugh shattered your heart. You just wanted to rush home to him and instead you were stuck hours away. “I’m learning to be a dad. My fiance is just the most incredible mum. Straight out the gate she’s been amazing.” You pouted at his sweet compliment. It wasn’t true, you were learning how to be a parent along with him “It’s definitely not hard to love her, it’s hard not to if you’ve ever met her. So I think making the decision to get married was not really a decision at all. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Erm…but I think you know, taking on roles like that in my personal life…” Trent kept yapping segueing away from details about his life to get back to talking about football. You could just feel your whole body relaxing hearing him. It was so comfortable. It’s not like you didn’t speak to him before you took off, it just was nice and comforting. You couldn’t wait to get home. “I’m so blessed. A lot of people always say ‘oh what a nice life you’re able to provide for your family’ all these types of things and it’s very true. We’re fortunate in a lot of ways because of my job but honestly I couldn’t dream of the things my fiance provides for me and our daughter. What she gives to us is priceless and beyond comparison. I love that when I come off the pitch doing the thing I love most in the world I get to go home to the people that I love most in the world. If I have a bad game or things aren't going my way, I have my family and that’s so important for me. I’ve really never been happier.” You couldn't stop the silly smile coming across your face. He told you these things but the fact that he spoke about you like that in a professional setting, to other people, for the world to hear just made you melt.

You opened twitter and went to go see what people had said about the podcast. There of course was plenty of discourse about what he said about the team tactics and club related things but the other thing that seemed to populate a lot of conversation was the engagement.

“They’re engagedd??? I’m screaming!’

‘Trent fucking Alexander-Arnold is fucking engaged!”

‘I saw a TikTok of them in New York when he said she was his fiance STG’

That was the one. Frankly you hadn’t seen the TikTok but you remember doing the interview on the street in SoHo. The TkTok resurfaced after the podcast and everyone went berserk. They were shocked that you and Trent had kept this so wrapped up. It was also one of the few times people saw all 3 of you together and one of the even fewer times that they heard you speak. It made you laugh a little seeing all the chaos online, a little sad when people took shots at you, proud when people commented on how beautiful Teddy was but it was just nice that all the while you were scrolling you got to listen to your fiance’s calm voice.

When you got home you felt like you were going to cry seeing Trent. He just looked so sad. His already natural pout turned down even further. He looked so sleepy and cozy on your couch. When you had gotten through all your hellos and I miss yous you had gone upstairs to unpack your bags. Teddy stayed with Trent. He had some sort of like compression ice thing on his outstretched leg on the couch. Teddy sat on the floor pulling herself up and down excitedly playing her own game of peek-a boo with him. Trent hated when he couldn’t move like this. He’d go stir crazy but having Teddy for entertainment and extra cuddles didn’t make it as bad.

“Uh Oh!” Teddy cooed with a pout after she pulled herself once more to stand up holding onto the couch. She finally noticed Trent’s leg. She gave him an adorably sad face.

“Yeah, uh oh, Ted.” He laughed, picking her up from underneath her chubby arms. “C’mere, baby.” she giggled as he placed her to sit on his stomach. “Did you miss me?” She just kinda plopped forward to give him a hug. You felt like she could fully understand questions and directions, she just was still building her vocabulary. Trent answered a call from a trainer after Teddy had fallen asleep on his chest. You came downstairs and sat by his feet. You kissed his ankle waiting patiently as he listened to a reminder of his instructions for the next couple days. When he hung up, he patted the seat next to him so you came and cozied up to him. You leaned your head onto his chest and pushed some of Teddy’s little curls off her face. You smiled at him when the dogs came running into the room. One jumped on the couch next to you. Teddy woke up slowly hearing the jingles of their collars and the comotion. You pulled him into your lap and gave him a good scratch and cuddle. Teddy pushed herself upright with a huff and looked at you.

‘Woof!’ she pointed at the dog in your lap. You smiled and laughed. She had started to label things, not necessarily by their correct names but the ones that made sense and sort of stuck.

“Yeah, woof. Good job, smart girl. It’s a doggie. Can you say dog for me?” She gave it a go but just landed back on saying woof. So your dogs for the meantime were ‘woof’ and so were any other four legged animal.

“We got ‘woof’ before ‘daddy’ I don’t understand.” Trent looked at you a little annoyed but it was softened when Teddy cuddled back into his chest. You and he both knew she’d get there. She definitely knew that he was dada. She loved being with dada. Maybe it was just ‘d’ sounds you weren’t sure but you did feel a little bad. You crawled into bed that night happy to be back home with him.

“I missed you.” You whispered close to him under the covers. You dragged your hand over his chest and down his abs towards the waistband of his boxers. He looked good in any lighting but there were certain ones like the one you were in right now that he just looked exceptionally good. The way your bedroom had a warm glow to it before you turned the final light off that just worked for him. He looked angelic and simultaneously deliciously sexy.

“I can’t baby…” He groaned, annoyed at his own predicament. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, leaning his forehead on yours. You probably could find a sex position that would work for you but it probably wasn’t a great idea so soon after the injury. You understood you were just being cheeky.

“I know… I love you though.” You pouted at him teasingly. You’d have to find a position that would work for him though soon. You cuddled up closer to him the way you’d fall asleep with your head on his chest and one hand next to it. But you coyly placed that hand lower and lower and lower. “Goodnight.” You whispered one final time letting that hand get just about to where his hardening cock was.

“Stop!” He laughed. “Get your hands off me.” he whispered with a smile he couldn’t suppress. The rest of that week was slow paced. Trent would go into AXA for workouts and assessments for his muscle pull. He was sort of moody but you understood all he wanted to do was be back out playing.

“It’s constant.” He looked at you amazed and surprised as you fed Teddy some strawberries you had cut up for her. 2 weeks had passed and Trent was getting a lot closer to returning to the first team training but he still wasn’t there yet which meant he had been home a lot more and with Teddy a lot more.

“I know.” You laughed as Teddy squealed, squishing a strawberry in her hand and then pressing the mess it into the tabletop. She was a very happy baby, fairly quiet most of the time but she was still a baby. Trent wasn’t used to a full day shift with her. Sure, he was there the whole time in the summer but so were you. It was 2 v 1 and she was under a year old. In a short few months she was walking and talking a lot more.

“Like she’s nonstop.” He laughed bewildered as he wiped the smushed strawberry up.

“T… I know.” You giggled back at him picking Teddy up from her high chair. You wiped her mouth and rocked her back and forth. You stood in the kitchen holding your daughter wearing Trent’s sweat pants and a tiny tank top. Trent stared at you in awe. He couldn’t believe you were alone with her everyday when she was this active. He stood up and wrapped his arms around you. He kissed your lips soft and slow. You hummed loving the taste of the strawberries he had stolen from Teddy. “Promise me you’ll never stop kissing me.” You looked at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Couldn’t even if I wanted to.” He whispered to you, ghosting his lips over yours before he gave you another equally sweet kiss.

“I want our kids to almost be annoyed with our affection when they're older.” You laughed, stepping out of his hold to grab the container of fruit to put it back into your refrigerator.

“Kids?” He questioned you with a smile excited by curiosity if you meant kids as in having more or if it was just a slip of the tongue.

“Yeah… I think I guess kids. If you’d want that.” You cooed trying not to deep it too much. Trent came over and grabbed you once more, giving you a kiss as his answer. Teddy though was much more aware of this one and pressed her hand against his cheek.

“See we’re already halfway there.” He laughed referring to Teddy trying to push him away from you. Teddy had gotten clingy. You were her mummy and she wanted to make sure that was known to daddy as well. She had developed an understanding of her daily routine and would anticipate her everyday activities so a little while after her snack Teddy needed to nap and she waddled her way over to your staircase waiting for you saying ‘mama’ on repeat until you brought her.

“Should we be being more careful?” Trent asked you sort of vaguely as you sat on the couch.

“Are you serious?” You laughed unsure if he was being or not.

“Well this is a lot. Could we do a second? I don’t want to leave for training and you be home with two kids this young like what should or plan be?” He clarified and then questioned what you two should do.

“Is it bad if I say I need a little more time?” You sheepishly got your words out. “I just feel like my body is finally getting back to a place I’m okay with. I can’t imagine losing all my progress. Is that selfish? What do you want?” You looked at him feeling terribly guilty.

“Nah, I think we wait a minute. Give you a rest. Get accustomed and really appreciate family of 3 life and then maybe you know after the wedding we can reasses.”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me but we want more right?” You face pulled into a cheeky smile waiting to hear his answer you were pretty sure you already knew.

“Yeah, beautiful. I definitely want more babies with you. Wouldn’t mind the process either.” He whispered coming in to nibble on your neck. You rolled your eyes and teasingly shoved at his chest but quickly nestled back into his embrace on the couch.

A few hours later, Trent was in the back garden doing some activation things he had to do for the muscle pull. You had a turf field off the back of the house you had installed. It was convenient for Trent although he probably didn’t use it as much as you thought he would but he had been lately with the injury. It was a cold but sunny day so you figured after Teddy woke up you’d bundle her up in her coat and you could go get some fresh air.

“What’s daddy doing outside, hmm? Should we go see dada?” You asked her. You crouched down to her and helped her put her little puffer coat on and tiny trainers. You could scream every time you picked up her baby shoes. They were so cute. She giggled at the sound of her coat’s zipper being done up.

“Dada” Teddy repeated you and she palmed your cheek as your tied the laces of her trainers.

“Yeah?! That’s right, Teddy. Going to go see dada” Your eyes widened excitedly. “Can you say that again, say dada again?” you asked her whilst scooping her up. She repeated it giddy with the attention she got from saying it. You walked to the back of your house and slid the glass door open to outside.

“Ooo sunny but chilly, baby, huh? Brrrr.” you cooed rubbing your nose against her cheek. You walked over to the small field and put teddy down on the grass and she attempted to run which was adorable. It was like a wobbly walk but you understood she was trying to get to Trent as fast as she could. You followed in her wake.

“Hi, beautiful.” His cold hand cupped your face.

“Hi, we just came to see dada.” You stood holding Teddy’s hands above her head keeping her standing up right in between your legs.

“Dada!” She wiggled out of your hold tumbling forward onto her hands and knees. Like she was moving a lot as months progressed but it was clumsy as she still got the hang of things. Trent’s eyes widened. He immediately sat on the ground and pulled her to him.

“Oh my days… C’mere baby bear. Did you say dada?” He asked her enthusiastically. She giggled as he picked her up off the ground and buried his face in the tiny crook of her neck. His hair tickling her skin. She screamed dada a million times to get him to stop, excited he was so happy with her. Trent picked his head up with the most gorgeous smile you’d ever seen him give you. He looked at you bright eyed. “You know how we were talking about waiting…” He spoke with a cheeky tone.

“Oh shut up! Her saying two additional syllables doesn’t not rule out all the other things we talked about.” You laughed dismissing him. Now that Teddy had said dada he was all about having more.

“Yeah but listen to herrrr” He groaned standing back up with Teddy in his arms. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and took a few candid photos of them. They’d be good memories one day. “C’mon want to help dada?” He leaned over and placed Teddy on her two feet. She clung to his leg. He grabbed a ball and placed it in front of them. He pulled her off his leg and held her under her arms and helped her kick it. When you say she screamed… she screamed. She was so excited. You couldn't not laugh. Trent turned around to look at you in a fit of laughter.

“Good girl, Ted.” You encouraged her as you took your seat down onto the turf. You assumed after that reaction you’d be here for a while. You watched on with a smile. Teddy would turn around every so often to make sure you were still watching them after she heard your first compliment. If you happened to be on your phone the second she did, she would let you know. ‘Mama!’ yelled immediately grabbing your attention. They must’ve done that on repeat for an hour. Neither one was tired of it. Trent was stood on his knees next to her but leaned over and whispered in her ear. You watched him stand up and turn towards you.

“Should we go get mummy?” He asked Teddy and started to jog towards you Teddy eagerly trying to keep up with him. You smiled and got up from the turf. You ran towards Teddy and scooped her up off the grass. She squealed.

“Got you first, Teddy girl. Should we get daddy now? Daddy’s not that fast. Let’s chase daddy” You cooed, kissing her cheek about a 100 times in a row. He rolled his eyes unimpressed with your subtle jab. You jogged with her in your arms playfully and Trent took off away from you. Teddy was giggling so much you couldn’t help but laugh with her. The sound of her precious laugh was infectious. This probably wasn’t great for Trent to be doing but it was nice to have fun all together. He’d pivot in a different direction or make a face at her and she’d excitedly shriek.

“Dada!!!”” She screamed with her chubby little arms outstretched. You put her down and let her run after him on her own. You were out there much much later than you thought you’d be but the time was the last thing on your mind if she and him were this happy. Trent let Teddy catch him eventually. He was slowly learning how to ‘lose’ for her.

“I’m gonna grab mummy, watch Ted.” He whispered. You looked at him confused why he turned his attention towards you. He gave you a cheeky smirk. He ran at you full speed. He was fast whether or not you wanted to admit it so you didn’t get very far. He wrapped his arms around your waist and swung you around like you weighed nothing. “Mwah!” he kissed your cheek so grossly but you loved it. “Mwah!” He scooped up your legs so he was fully carrying you with another wet kiss.

“T!’ You squealed in a fit of giggles not expecting him to throw you around like this. Teddy’s eyes were bright and wide, loving seeing her mum and dad so happy. He jogged with you in his arms back towards Teddy. He crouched down to her level. You thought he'd let you go but he held you tight you couldn’t break out if you tried.

“Come give mummy a kiss, baby bear.” Trent cooed for Teddy to come. She quickly was at your side pressing her lips out in the cutest way slobbering all over your face. “Wow…” Trent couldn’t hold in his laughter watching her practically just spit on you. “You must love mummy a lot, huh?”

“Love mama!” She screamed, attempting to kiss you again. You stopped her next attempt with a giggle and held her face in your hands. You pressed a kiss of your own onto her lips.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 16 xx

[diqldrunks]

follow up to spencer hallucinating dead!reader except he did actually see her bc she pulled an emily😔

✧*̥˚ nav | inbox | main masterlist *̥˚✧

how do i trust again? — s.reid (dwyg series masterlist here)

a/n: i love this so much you do not understand!!!! i have a migraine and i'm using that as an excuse to not proofread so here you go, a jumble of words i wrote in one go <3

cw/tw: lying, manipulation 😶‍🌫️(oops) and very sad spence

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

spencer was certain jj would tell hotch what happened, and, in turn, he would have to go through another round of psych evals that he would barely pass. spencer was certain he would get another lecture, that it was too early for him to be back with the team and that he needed to go home. he was certain about all of it.

except that wasn't what happened at all. no, instead spencer spent the next three days seeing jj and hotch aside from the rest of the team, talking quietly and constantly excusing themselves for private phone calls that could last hours.

spencer was directed into hotch's office the moment they flew back in after the case was closed. as he walked up the stairs, hotch and jj behind him, there was a small glow of light that could be seen around the rim of the blinds, causing confusion as he tried to deduce who would be behind the door at this time of night; it was late — late enough that it was close to becoming 'early', with all the desks in the bullpen being empty.

he didn't expect to open the door and see you sitting there on the sofa. he didn't expect to see your oh so familiar eyes look at him, welling with tears as you raised your head at the sound of the door opening.

spencer froze, dropping the thermos of coffee he held in his hands.

he didn't care that it spilt out onto the cream carpet and he didn't care that it stained. he didn't care that jj was in tears as she tried to explain, that hotch took all responsibility. spencer didn't care one damn bit.

he buried you. he grieved you. you couldn't be here — you were dead.

that was what he told himself as you stood up and he felt your hand gently touch his arm. that was what he told himself as he stayed silent, refusing to speak up.

spencer left the office as soon as he could, and you watched him from the doorway, both with matching tears stained faces.

you were dead, and spencer would keep it that way, even if the only place for it to be true was in his mind.

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

spence taglist (lmk if you want to be added!); @maroon-winestain @loveeharrington @garfieldsladybird @rotten1angel @tracymbcm @fclklqre @wannabewolf

[snzleclerc]

REGRET & LOVE (series) 🎹 1/-

previous part next part other parts

: Leonor is a portuguese girl adopted by a portuguese couple living in Monaco. her childhood was difficult, with the orphanage leaving deep scars, but some people in Monaco brought light into her life. unfortunately, not everything lasts forever. people change, and even those closest to us can drift away… even Charles.

ps: in this story, Kika is 25, just like Leonor.

* i have a taglist, just ask and I'll add you!

2015

"Life changes paths very easily, sometimes even faster than expected. Each day presents new challenges, new obstacles, new people, and new choices. Even what we believe to be forever eventually slips away, and there's no avoiding it. It's like a ray of sunshine; when it hits your eyes, you feel good, but when night falls, all that remains is to appreciate the silence and solitude."

I conclude my high school philosophy presentation with these words. The applause reverberates loudly on the school stage, as strong as I try to hold back my tears.

My journey has changed so much over the years.

"Thank you for that, Leonor. You'll definitely be in the running for the prize!" My teacher tells me as I head backstage, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.

To avoid any conflict, I rush to the women's restroom. I close the door tightly behind me as I sit on the toilet seat, never having spoken about this with anyone other than my adoptive parents. Not that I've spoken about it directly, but just touching on this subject brings back the same pain I felt last year.

But my thoughts are quickly interrupted when I hear a knock on the door. Doesn't the person realize it's occupied? Anyway, I stand up, wipe my face with the sleeve of my sweater, and open the door.

I'm greeted by a girl from my class whom I've never spoken to before. She has medium brown hair, olive skin, and huge brown eyes that match her hair.

To be honest, I've never spoken to her. We've always been part of different friend groups; maybe our maximum contact was the day her pencil fell on the floor and I picked it up, that's it.

Her friends are... complicated. It seems like they always want to be seen by everyone. From a distance, you can tell she doesn't fit into that group; she's more fun, cooler.

"Hey," I say to her in a low tone, if I'm not mistaken her name is Francisca.

"Hi!" She greets me cheerfully as I exit the stall and head towards the sink, with her by my side. "I saw you running out of the presentation, which was really good by the way!"

I'm happy with her comment; it was honest, sincere.

"And well, you seemed upset, so I came to check on you! How are you?" She asks with her big chocolate eyes looking at me with curiosity, but concern.

"I'm fine, just a little nervous after the presentation." I try to disguise it with a laugh, but it seems to only make it worse.

"I know you're not okay. Come with me, let's go to the cafeteria, and if you want, you can vent." Without hesitation, the brunette pulls me through the school hallways towards the mentioned place.

We sit in the empty cafeteria at a table in the corner and stare at each other for a while to see who speaks first.

She rests her chin on her hands and starts. "I guess I better say something, right?" She looks at me, and we laugh together. "You know that group of friends of mine, right? Well, in the last few days, they've been, well—" She pauses to take a deep breath, and I already know what happened. "Recently, they've been sidelining me; it seems like nothing I do pleases them. I just wish I knew why all of this..."

"Look, it's hard, I've felt that way too..." I start, trying to comfort her. "Last year, my best friend did something terrible to me. It feels like everything started going wrong from that day on, and I've never felt so alone. Despite the sadness, I try to move on. I know crying doesn't solve anything, but it's just a way for me to express myself, and I understand you." I look at her with a reassuring look; this situation isn't easy.

"Well, then, we're both screwed," she says, and I let out the first genuine laugh of the day. She's not wrong. "When you feel like talking about him, you tell me, okay? Let's forget what hurt us together. Next year, we'll go to college and become real adults; it's time for us to forget."

But, oh, Charles, you're unforgettable.

[tsams-confessions]

Alert much text:

It is one thing is, supposedly, that Sun has not had changes in his life that "justify" that his mental and emotional health has been improving. And another thing is that these changes are not enough for you. Let's do a review. Do you really remember when Sun was REALLY BAD to the point of having dangerous intrusive thoughts and even hallucinations? In those days his worst enemy had obtained an object of incalculable power, having the possibility of destroying him and everything he loved with a snap of his fingers if had wanted to. TWO of his brothers had died, one had to restart, and the other was between life and death very far from him. The guilt flooding his mind and soul for killing Bloodmoon was so great that he saw and heard it. Everyone around him except Moon and Earth hated him. Not to mention that shortly after, a crazy man suddenly appeared who represented ANOTHER THREAT to him and his family. All that without mentioning all the damage suffered from the abuse of Old Moon and Eclipse, and I'm sure I've forgotten things but let's leave that as the most relevant.

Now… Does everything previously said remain the same?

Of course NOT!!!!!!!! Sun has his family back, and even his family grew with the integration of Earth, Solar, and i dare include Jack. He has also been able to make more friends than before, like Foxy, Puppet, Solar, he has even gotten to interact more with Freddy than did before. All this translates into a very important support net. With the return of Lunar, both he and Earth help Sun in Daycare, which gives him more time for himself, to play and relax, spend time with his cats or simply watching a television series with a friend. TIME FOR REST AND HEALTHY RECREATION. It should also be said that his feared enemy, Eclipse, was destroyed, and he played a fundamental role in that, he did not allow Moon to do all the work, Sun also helped, risking his life in the process, he was able to feel useful and important. That at the time was a HUGE weight that was lifted from his shoulders. T

hen, perhaps one of the most important things: HE STARTED RECEIVING THERAPY.

And yes, probably for many what they see in the videos is not an authentic therapy session, but hey, the actors are not psychologists or professional therapists, they are voice actors and gamers, they do what they can with the time and knowledge they have, and what matters is that these sessions fulfill the function of treatment for the character, whether the viewers like it or not. It's even been mentioned that he receives more treatments and goes to more sessions with Earth than we see on screen, they just can't show them all. Another thing, moving away from his workplace, having his own space that only belongs to him and Moon, not a room owned by Fazbear, that must have been LIBERATING. In addition to the feeling of independence and freedom, he also had to make Sun stop thinking a little about his work for the first time in his life, because he no longer literally lived in his work. And as much as it bothers several people that Solar was the one who helped Moon the most before his tragedy, whether they like it or not, it was Sun's conscious decision to take a break from the Daycare-related chaos because SINCE HE WAS CREATED, HAVEN'T HAD A TIME PROLONGED PEACE IN THEIR LIFE. He knew wasn't going to be much help in tracking down Eclipse, any more than Lunar or Earth were, and no one faults them for that. Our strengths and talents will not always be required, the important thing is to take care of ourselves and be ready when we can help; Sun had complete trust in Moon and Solar, and they most of the time informed him of his progress, such as when Eclipse was captured or when Moon told him of his suspicions about Ruin. Of course, it has had its ups and downs, it wouldn't be TSAMS if everything were easy, without a doubt Ruin along with the copies of Bloodmoon and Eclipse were responsible for hindering the process of recovery and progress of the celestial family, especially Sun, but that, The process exists, the progress exists, perhaps it is more subtle than with other characters because on the Sun and Moon channel the emotional conversations almost cause those two dumbs men to vomit.

The point is, Sun has changed, everything around him has changed from when he was in his deepest and darkest moment, and he has been changing and evolving along with his family and his surroundings.

Maybe it's not the change you would like or the one you expected, but don't tell lies claiming that this change for the better happened out of nowhere, because then it seems like you only saw the episode where Sun said that sometimes he wished he were dead and then he just you skipped to the current ones ignoring both their experiences on their own channel and others. Oh, and i almost forgot, with everything said above i have not meant for a moment that Sun is completely cured, because it is evident that his anxiety and low self-esteem problems still exist, they have not disappeared, but he has learned techniques to deal with them, learn to live with their problems, healthier coping methods, and that is already an improvement, not a cure, but certainly an improvement.

.

[alltheirdamn]

DECLINED | mechanic!joel x f!reader

*The Honeymooners*

Summary: A destination honeymoon is exactly what you and Joel need after tying the knot. Rating: 18+ Explicit Word Count: 2k Warnings: Pre-outbreak AU, established relationship, banter, teasing, so much fluff!!!, public sex, public nudity, oral (m! receiving), deepthroat, cum eating, mentions alcohol, unprotected piv sex, rough sex, squirting, creampie, multiple orgasms, language, dirty talk/praise kink, pet names (babydoll, darlin', cowboy...wife), does fucking in the ocean count as water sports? A/N: Ahhhh hello!! Of course, these two got married! I'd love to thank @mermaidgirl30 for creating the Ocean Challenge! It gave me the perfect opportunity to write this fluffy lil moment. And also, thank you, @swiftispunk, for letting me use this anon as inspo!! Enjoy the final installment to the Declined mini-series... I'll love these two forever 💗

Masterlist | Ko-Fi

Joel was waist-deep in the water as you sipped on your second margarita. Occasionally, he’d turn and wave at you, his brown curls matted down by salt water and his tan skin glistening under the coastal sunlight. God, he was gorgeous. That was your husband now, your husband. Joel didn’t let you leave the bed the first day you arrived at your destination. You thanked your past self for packing extra underwear because at least three lacy thongs were now shredded and discarded somewhere in the honeymoon suite.

You settled against your beach chair, stretching your legs and digging your toes under the warm sand. There wasn’t a soul in sight along the stretch of water you had chosen to make camp, so you took the risk and undid the strings on your bikini top. Tossing the white polyester onto the sand by the chair, you settled back and let the sun beat down on your bare skin. It wasn’t long before Joel caught a glimpse of your body and barreled past the waves to race to the shore.

“Y’can’t be teasin’ me like this, babydoll,” he panted.  

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you grinned, shrugging your shoulders. 

Joel bent down to grab his beer, the condensation collecting sand around the base from being nestled into the ground by the towel. You craned your neck up to watch him take a long sip, the muscles in his bicep flexing. 

“Don’t be lookin’ at me like that,” he said. 

“Maybe I’m just thirsty.”

He glanced at the margarita in your hand, quirking a brow. 

“Y’got your own drink.”

“Don’t you wanna share with your wife?” You pouted. 

Joel rolled his eyes, his lips curling into a devilish grin. Your eyes roamed up his torso, watching droplets of water roll down the expanse of his chest and stomach. Sliding off your beach chair, your knees hit the terrycloth towel beneath you. It wasn’t hard to miss the growing bulge under Joel’s red swim trunks as they clung to his thighs. 

“Mrs. Miller,” he tutted. “We’re in public.”

“When has that ever stopped us, huh?”

“Good point,” he smirked. 

You pushed your hair off your shoulder and craned your neck further back. Joel took another drink of his beer before nodding his head at you.

“Open that pretty mouth, babydoll.”

You obeyed, your mouth falling open. Joel tilted the glass down, a slow stream of beer cascading onto your tongue. The crisp taste of the liquid rolled over your tastebuds, tiny drops falling from your lips and down over your bare chest. He tipped the bottle lower, letting the beer trickle down your breasts. 

“Whoops,” he chuckled. 

Joel moved the beer bottle upright, watching as you swallowed down the beer sitting on your tongue. 

“Still thirsty?” He asked.

“Parched,” you exhaled.

Joel bent down to twist the bottle into the sand, shoving his trunks down as he straightened out. His cock sprung out, heavy and leaking precum from the tip. You went your lips in anticipation, your clit throbbing against the bikini bottoms pressing against your wet cunt. 

“Wanna show me how thirsty y’are, babydoll?” 

You scooted closer, taking his cock in your hand, your tongue darting out to lap at the precum dripping down. There was still a faint taste of the ocean lingering on his skin, the salty smell clinging to the hair around the base of his cock. You flattened your tongue against the underside of his cock, tracing the veins bulging down the underside. Joel shuddered above you, his hand tangled in your hair to guide you closer. 

You slackened your jaw, taking him slowly into your mouth. His hips pushed forward slightly, forcing his cock further until the tip brushed the back of your throat.

“That’s it, darlin’. Keep it right there. Let’s see how long y’can hold it.”

The hair at his navel tickled your nose as he anchored you to his cock, your eyes welling with tears. You worked at breathing through your nose, your mouth too full of him to even inhale a breath. Swallowing around him, your cheeks hollowed out, forcing a deep groan from his chest. 

“Good fuckin’ girl,” Joel crooned. “Look at you chokin’ on my cock.”

You tapped his thigh, begging for a reprieve, yet Joel didn’t move a muscle, only pushing himself deeper. You sputtered around him, gagging slightly until he finally pulled you off his cock. You released a violent round of coughs, the drool running down your chin as you heaved in a breath. 

Joel leaned over you, dragging your mouth to his as he licked at the saliva coating your lips. You grinned against his mouth, holding him to you as he kissed you fiercely. 

“I’m the luckiest man in the world,” Joel sighed. “Can’t believe I get to call you my wife.”

“I’m just as lucky, cowboy.”

Hauling you to your feet, Joel scooped you into his arms, kissing down your neck and shoulders as he walked toward the shore. You wrapped your arms around him, watching the sun dip below the horizon. There still wasn’t a soul to be seen along the stretch of beach around you, and for some reason, that thrilled you. It was just you, your husband, and the endless expanse of the ocean. 

Perfect.

Wading into the water, Joel shifted you around his body, pulling your legs around his waist. Somewhere along the way, he had discarded his swim trunks onto the sand, leaving himself completely naked and you only half-dressed. 

His fingers worked at the strings on your bottoms until they floated off your body and drifted down the waves. You smacked Joel’s bicep, trying to reach for them before they completely slipped away.

“Joel!” You shrieked. 

He only laughed, pushing at the water until the tiny fabric was out of reach. 

“Y’don’t need those, do ya’?” He teased.

“Well, I don’t right now! But what happens when we have to go back to the resort?”

“I don’t know, it could be fun seein’ your bare ass walkin’ through the lobby,” he laughed.

“I hate you,” you grumbled.

“Sure ya’ do, babydoll.”

Reaching between your bodies, Joel slipped his hand over your wet cunt, coaxing a moan from your lips as he rolled your clit between his fingers. You gasped at his touch, grinding down into his hand. 

“Joel,” you breathed. 

“Tell me what ya’ need, darlin’.”

“I need you.”

Joel angled himself at your entrance, pulling you down hard onto the length of his cock. You didn’t have a chance to adjust to his size as he filled you. With both hands digging into the skin of your hips, he guided you up and down on his cock, the pace hard and unforgiving. You dug your nails into the muscles of his back, your cries muffled by the sound of the water washing over your bodies. 

“Fuck!” You cried, his cock driving faster into you.

The ripples around you matched the rolling waves churning inside your stomach, every thrust Joel made sending you closer to the edge. You clung to him tighter, your cunt clenching tighter and tighter around him until the white-hot pressure building in your core could no longer be contained.

“Joel!” You gasped. “Gonna—fuck—gonna cum! Please!”

“Cum for me, babydoll. Soak me.”

With a broken sob, your orgasm exploded through you, stars sparking your vision as warmth spread between your thighs. 

“There ya’ go, darlin’. There ya’ fuckin’ go,” Joel growled, spearing into you over and over again.

You were barely recovering from your first orgasm when the next began to surge inside you, this time stronger. Joel dipped you back against the water's surface, your hair floating around your face as he shifted his hands from your hips to your shoulders. Against the pull of the waves, Joel used his grip on your shoulders to angle his cock upwards into your cunt.

“So fuckin’ beautiful,” he gritted between clenched teeth. “Look at you glowin’ in the sunset, takin’ my cock like a good girl.”

“Yes…yes…” You chanted.

“Y’gonna give me another, babydoll?” He urged.

“Mhmm,” you whined, words failing. 

The waves crashing over your body silenced the scream that left your lips, and Joel grinned down at you as he felt your release gush over his cock. He pulled you up from the water, hugging you tight to his body while he slowed his pace. 

“I love you, cowboy,” you whimpered into his neck.

Joel carded a hand through the wet tendrils of your hair, sinking his teeth into the corded muscles between your neck and shoulder. His stifled groan radiated through your skin as he filled you with his release, your cunt pulsating around his cock through every shudder of his body. 

“Christ, I fuckin’ love you,” he muttered into your neck. “Can’t believe you’re my fuckin’ wife now.”

You clasped your hands around his face, pulling his lips to yours for a heated kiss. His hands ran up the expanse of your body as your tongues intertwined. The sun blanketed your bodies in golden colors of orange and yellow, the ocean around you mirroring the sunset painting the sky. 

You broke away from his lips, turning your head to admire the sun kissing the horizon. 

“Look,” you said softly. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Joel didn’t respond, so you glanced back at him only to see his warm brown eyes watching you intently. A soft grin broke across his face, the creased lines etching around his eyes and dimpling his cheeks. 

“What?” You asked, heat crawling up your neck.

“That view ain’t nothin’ compared to what I’ve got right here.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning in to kiss him again.

“Are you getting all romantic on me, cowboy?” You teased. 

“Guess I’m just a big softy for ya’, Mrs. Miller.”

Eventually, you and Joel emerged from the ocean, the soles of your feet covered in sand as you returned to the lone beach towel in the distance. Thank God, no one was around—both of you were naked and dripping wet. Joel collapsed onto the towel, his bare ass shadowed in the cover of the night. You gave him a teasing slap before falling down next to him, your head rolling onto his shoulder. 

“This has been a perfect honeymoon,” you whispered. 

Joel laid his hand over yours, his silver wedding band glinting under the moonlight hanging above you.

“I don’t know, babydoll. Seein’ you in that white dress might have this beat,” he mused.

“You tore it off in a heartbeat after the ceremony,” you giggled.

Joel nudged you with his shoulder, laughing at the memory with you. 

“Whadaya say y’wear it again when we get home?” 

“Only if you promise not to rip it any more than you already have.”

“Okay, okay,” he chuckled.

“Swear?” You asked, eyeing him skeptically.

“On my life.”

[bookuce]

Change My Mind

SUMMARY: Josh and Alina are great friends most days. Other days, they want to tear each other apart. Some days, they’re in love with each other, but neither of them will admit it. 

*DISCLAIMER: This is a multi-part series. I do not own any of the characters in the writing except for the OCs. The book uses actual names of wrestlers. Josh is Jey, Jon is Jimmy, Trinity is Naomi, and Alina is Alina. The book is not realistic and does not take place during real events, but some actual events (matches, storylines) could pop up in the story eventually. I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE OR REPOST MY WRITINGS ANYWHERE. THAAAAAANKS. *

PAIRING: Jey Uso x Black OC

TROPE: Friends to Lovers

WARNINGS: Language

WORD COUNT: 2,272

PART 5

THE MASTERLIST

PART SIX

“I miss you,” Josh confesses into the phone. It was the first Friday that Alina had missed in almost five months. As much as she would love to continue on the road with Josh, she needed to come home. Alina missed her family and friends; one weekend with them would solve her problems for a few months. While she was at home in Atlanta, he was up in New York. He and the Family arrived at the arena early for camera work. Now, he was hiding in one of the empty green rooms backstage.

“It’s only been a day.” She says, moving through the kitchen with a bucket of ice and wine. She places the black bucket on her coffee table, returning to the kitchen for three wine glasses. 

“Yeah, and I’m already losing sight in my left eye.” He informs her. 

Alina snorts. “Boy, shut up.” Josh might’ve been experiencing some separation anxiety. Would he admit it? No, but Alina could tell. They had spent every day together since that night in her hotel room. She’d join him on the bus, or he would room with her. The hotel became frequent after Joe and Jon decided the couple was starting to get on their nerves. They loved them a lot, but the displays of affection were beginning to become too much for them.

“You know what could cure me?” He asks, propping his feet on the small coffee table before him. He crosses his right arm over his chest, tucking that hand in his left elbow.

“What?” She asks, tucking her phone between her shoulder and ear. She carefully grabs the three wine glasses and returns to the living room. The sound of a video call began to ring in Alina’s ear. She grins, leaning down to place the glasses on the table. She removes the phone from her ear and answers the call. The call screen disappears, Josh’s face now taking up her screen. He’d grin at her, flashing his teeth adorned in gold jewelry. “Hey, baby.” She greets him.

“Hey, Mamas.” He replies. “Fine ass.” He says, making her laugh and look away from the camera. “What you got planned for today?” 

“Cassie and Tasha are coming over for a movie night.” There were three of them, have been since college. While Alina excelled in Journalism, her friends Cassie and Alex were nurses. Moments like these with them make her so happy. Though they didn’t talk as often as they used to when younger, it always felt like the trio never missed a beat when they came together.

“You not watching me?” He asks.

“I’ve seen enough of you.” She says.

“I ain’t seen enough of you.” He tells her, tilting his head to the side. “As a matter of fact, you should show me a little something something.” He closes his left eye. “Help cure the blindness in my left eye.” He tells her.

“What are you talking about?” She asks, lifting an eyebrow.

Josh bites down on his lower lip, tilting his chin downward. He lifts his brows at her. “Show me one of them thangs.” Alina’s mouth drops at his request.

“Ugh, get out of my phone!” She exclaims, ending the call. Right on cue, her doorbell rings, prompting her to take her mind off her boyfriend. 

Josh would suck his teeth at the lack of response, tossing his phone on the couch. He leaned his head against the back of the sofa, allowing his eyes to fall shut. Josh was going to go insane. He didn’t understand why he was having difficulty coping with her absence. He’s done it plenty of times before they got together. How come now, and only now, has it become so challenging?

Buzz! Buzz!

Josh’s phone lights up from the cushion next to him. He quickly grabs it, hoping that it is Alina following through with his request. Instead, it was his brother.

Jon: Wya. We opening the show. Producers want to talk to us

Josh shoots back a quick ‘ok’ before pushing himself off the couch. “Shit, if we going on first, I’m dipping out after this.” He says to himself. He was now looking for plane tickets to Atlanta. 

•••••••••••••••••••••

Music filled Alina’s living room while she and her best friends caught up with each other. Each lady had a glass of wine, their legs folded beneath them. “So, the wedding rehearsals will be at five,” Tasha informs Alina. “We’re then going to have the rehearsal dinner at the winery.” She takes her phone, leaning over to show Alina the aesthetic for the dinner. “Michael wanted to have dinner inside one of the halls at the Venue, but I just think under the stars with fairy lights and candles would fit better. Very romantic, very boho.” She concludes, smiling big to herself. 

“This is beautiful, Tash,” Alina says, smiling at the Pinterest board. “Is there anything I need to do though? You know I’ve wanted to help since you made me the Maid of Honor.” Tasha shook her head. 

“Nah, girl, it’s cool. You have a lot on your plate with the WWE and everything. I wouldn’t want to add more stress to you. All I really need is for you to show up.” She says, peering up at her friend. “You still coming, right?” She asks. Alina laughs.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world! To stand by you during your big day is too important to me. Besides, Paul already gave me the weekend off.” Alina assures her. She had missed a large chunk of helping Tasha plan her wedding. Alina gave most of her input on the wedding over the phone. She wishes she didn’t miss dress shopping with Tasha and Cassie. Alina planned to buy a large binder and put things inside it—like a wedding planner. She got the idea from a movie she loved growing up. Oh well, she’ll save that idea for another time. 

Another time. 

Out of their little circle, Alina was the only one unmarried. Cassie has been married for five years, while Tasha has been officially married since last week. Alina’s eyes venture down to her wine glass. She should probably tell them she’s seeing Josh. The truth is, the couple was trying to keep their relationship under wraps as much as possible. It wasn’t like they didn’t want anyone to know they were together; Alina and Josh just wanted to keep it private while they explored this new normal together. If the relationship doesn’t work out, no one will know it happened other than the people involved. 

“So,” Alina breathes, gaining her friends’ attention. “I have a confession to make.” She says.

“You pregnant?” Cassie asks immediately.

“Don’t wish that upon me,” Alina snaps. 

“Okay, so what is it?” Tasha asks.

Here goes nothing, she thought. “I’m seeing Josh.” She confesses. Tasha and Cassie stared at their friend silently, waiting for some clarification. She didn’t say what they think she did, did she?

“Tonight? Josh is in Atlanta?” Tasha asks, lifting a brow.

“No, Josh is at Smackdown in New York,” Alina explains, shaking her head.

“Then how are you seeing him?” Cassie asks.

Alina groans, shaking her head. “Oh my God…” She whispers, bringing her hands together. “Josh and I are seeing each other.” She says. “As in, we’re fucking.” She specified. There frankly was no gentler way to describe this to them. “Josh and I are fucking.” She reiterates. 

“You’re lying,” Cassie says, surprise apparent in her voice. Alina shakes her head. “Now, how the hell did that happen?” She asks.

“We got drunk, one thing led to another, and the rest was history.” Alina was somewhat happy they happened the way they did. She could only imagine where they’d be if it didn’t happen. She’d probably be on her fifth date going nowhere, and he would have been chasing them off. It was a never-ending cycle, it seems. “He makes me really happy, though.” She says finally. “Apart from y’all, that’s my best friend.” She continues.

Tasha squealed softly. “Well, it’s about damn time.” She says. “It was obvious y’all would end up here when he first started coming around. Y’all go out to lunch together, y’all ride to shows together. Hell, the man lives in Florida but is always in your house here in Atlanta.” She says, counting on her fingers. “I give it four months, though.” Alina and Cassie look at their friend, confusion apparent on their faces. “What? He’s going to propose before the end of the year. I already know it. That boy is in love with you.” Alina rolls her eyes at the assumption.

“We’re just getting to know each other.” She says.

“What more is there to know?” Tasha asks. “Besides the human body, and I’m sure y’all’ve done enough of that.” A knock at the front door pulls the women from their conversation. They become quiet, now looking at each other. 

“Did y’all order something?” Alina asks, standing to her feet. Tasha and Cassie shake their heads. Another knock would sound throughout the living room. “Just a moment!” She exclaims, quickly making her way over to the door. She grabs the doorknob, twisting it to pull the door open. There, on the opposite side of the door, was Josh. “I…” Alina says, her eyes lowering in squints. She turns her head slightly before stepping to the side to let him in. 

“Speak of the Devil,” Cassie says once he is in the house. 

“What’s up, y’all.” He waves slightly, glancing over at Alina. As she closed the door, she continued to squint at the man. She had questions. He drops his duffle by the door before walking toward the kitchen. Alina lifts a finger at her friends before following Josh into the kitchen. He was pulling out a short glass from her cupboard, about to pour himself a drink. 

“Why are you here?” She asks, leaning against the island. He grabs the bottle of bourbon she had hidden in a cabinet above the stove. “You’re supposed to be in New York.” She says. 

 “Well, damn, hello to you, too.” He says, leaning over the woman for a kiss. She’d return the kiss but glanced away when he tried to steal a few more. They were talking, and she wanted to keep it that way. “We opened the show tonight, and Paul had nothing else for us to do, so I left. I caught a flight straight here after our segment.” He explains. He expected her to react differently to him being here, but he also didn’t think her friends would still be here pushing midnight. Josh leans onto the counter, his dark eyes on Alina. “I’ll go upstairs, get out y’all’s way.” He promises. They would stare at each other in silence.

“Josh!” Tasha calls from the living room. Josh would look away from her, his eyes going to the kitchen entrance.

“Yeah?” He answers. The sound of feet hitting the floor could be heard before Alina’s friends joined them in the kitchen. 

“Since you and Lina are official now, are you coming to the wedding as her plus one?” Tasha asks. 

“You and Michael’s, right?” He asks. 

“Yes, sir.” She confirms.

Josh reaches up to scratch at the greying beard on his face—something he does often when deep in thought. He’s out of the loop for most things in Alina’s life. Though Josh has been friends with Alina for two years, he didn’t start coming around until a year into their friendship. Even then, it was rare for him to see her friends or family. He was a part of her life that was separate from the rest until now. He was okay with that. It was the same for her with his family. She had only met them a few times in passing backstage. “I don’t know, when is it?” He asks. 

“The Saturday after next,” Tasha answers. “There will be a dinner the night before at the venue.”

Alina glances down at Josh again, his eyes finding hers the instant she turns. “You want me to come?” He asks. She nods. “I’ll buy a suit then. What’s the dress code?” He asks.

“Formal,” Cassie answers. “Black tie preferred.” She adds. 

“We can go suit shopping tomorrow if you want?” Alina says. Josh would nod, leaning off of the countertop. The couple return their attention to Tasha and Cassie. 

“Good,” Tash breathes. “I guess now that that’s settled, we should get going. It’s getting pretty late.” She says, glancing at her phone. “It was good seeing you again, Josh.” They wave at him before blowing kisses at their friend. They make their way back towards the living room. The front door opens and closes, leaving the pair alone.  Josh downs the rest of his drink.

“You know I’m mad at you, right?” He says suddenly. Alina spins around, her brows furrowed.

“What did I do?” She exclaims.

“You hung up on me earlier. No goodbye, no ‘I love you’.” He explains.

“You wanted me to show my titties!” She shouts.

“And I still do!” He replies. 

Alina laughs slightly, her eyes finding the floor. Slowly, she begins to back up, waving her hand at him. “I’m not doing this with you.” Josh starts to walk after her, a mischievous grin on his lips. He’s about to chase you, she thought. She turns her back to him, picking up her pace.

“Where you going?” He asks, causing her to start running towards the stairs. 

“Josh!” She screams as he snatches her up and tosses her over his shoulder. 

____________________________________________________________

A/N: omg hey friends LMAO

so whoopsies, i got distracted BIG TIME (no rush). forgive me pls. So this is basically a filler chapter. I have some things I want to happen and I got to find a way for us to reach the drama. You'll love it though, I promise! In the meantime, I'd love to talk with you about this chapter if you have anything to say lol

k bye!

🏷️ list: @thesamoanqueen @whatdoeseveryonewant @headoftheetable @mzv11 @southerngirl41 @yana3sworld @wanderingreigns @wrestlingprincess80 @siriuslycee @vebner37 @capswife @astridxxxxxx @alichesmi @tshepisho @scarlettnoir01 @brokenglassslippers @reignsboy19 @sayyestoheav3nn @cyberdejos2 @emperessdede @sisinever @truefant4sy @paigereeder @tbmotw @fearlesschimera @venusesworld @usoholic @sageispunk @bebesobrielo @jstarr86 @vibessonvibes @issahyland 

comment to be added to my tag list for all my stories!

[formulawolff]

✧˖° golden girl & her star boys ✧˖°

hello everyone! ♡

as part of the alkaline series, i felt that this was necessary. i’m going to give a little bit of background on the readers’ relationships with the other drivers on the grid! (i also just love to yap. that’s the real reason!)

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

✧˖° williams ✧˖°

alex albon — one of her best friends and teammate. basically like her older brother who is constantly giving unwanted advice. they banter and argue CONSTANTLY. however, she deeply appreciates his ability to be 10000% honest with her at all times. she’s definitely cried on his shoulder numerous times.

he was the first person to accept her to the f1 scene with open arms. he is constantly defending her name and likeness to the media. although he won’t admit it directly, he has a deep respect and love (sibling sort of love!) for her. he wouldn’t want anyone else to be driving alongside him at williams.

✧˖° mercedes ✧˖°

lewis hamilton — they are friendly with one another, but not super close. lewis is super friendly and inviting, she is just a little intimidated by him. he has this powerful aura, and since he’s always been one of her role models, she has a hard time approaching him. the conversations they have had, she’s always been grateful for his encouragement and advice.

sometimes he will make fun of her for being so “american.” (lots of yeehaw, stereotypical jokes about the u.s.) she laughs it off though, usually countering back with her witty humor.

george russell — as we know… these two do not get along. he’s polite, but does not necessarily enjoy her bold and brash personality. he thinks that she’s a little “too much” at times, especially with how opinionated she is on social media. lewis has to often remind him that he needs to be friendlier, considering her contract is up at the end of the 2024 season. and he knows toto is scouting for a new driver, so she may be potential option.

begrudgingly, george will sometimes compliment her. it’s not super nice or over the top, but they are compliments!

✧˖° red bull ✧˖°

max verstappen — he adores her! he has a ton of admiration and respect for her, often complimenting her techniques or good laps. they are somewhat close, checking in with one another during breaks. he is also protective of her likeness, often reminding journalists that her gender doesn’t matter. she’s a worthy competitor and an exceptional driver. (since you know, she’s a contender for the champion slot but we won’t address that yet!) they often do interviews together with the other guys!

he thinks her american slang, accent, and mannerisms are cute. he has a slight crush but is also somewhat scared of her. it leaves him feeling confused yet bewildered at times.

sergio perez — the two are friendly. sort of like coworkers who work in different departments but are cordial with one another. since she’s so young, checo thinks that she has a lot to learn. he does offer advice, but not often. he does believe that she is a talented driver and deserves her spot on the grid. he is well aware of max’s little crush and teases him relentlessly for it.

✧˖° mclaren ✧˖°

lando norris — one of the besties! he’ll often ask her to come on to his livestreams with him during breaks or the offseason. they snap one another frequently, often using the weird and funny filters. he loves to hear about her perspective on the f1 world, considering her position as the first american female driver. they’ve met up a few times between races to hang out or he’ll bring her and alex food to the paddock. he knows that she loves peeled apple slices so sometimes he’ll bring some to her the morning of race day.

he is a firm believer that she’s going to be a first female world champion in the next few years.

oscar piastri — another one of the besties! they’re close but not as close as reader & lando. he also enjoys hearing her perspective on everything f1 related. he’ll tag along with lando quite often to bring food, snacks, and drinks to the paddocks or hang outs. one of the first few drivers on the grid to approach and befriend her. (he couldn’t help but notice how anxious she looked, and he wanted to give her some comfort)

✧˖° ferrari ✧˖°

carlos sainz — one of the besties! is very willing to do funny bits for social media with her, no matter what it entails. he enjoys her fiery personality and her ability to stand up for what she believes in. he’ll often join her, lando, oscar, and charles for hangouts between races. sometimes he’ll list her as an emergency contact because he knows how much she’s on her phone. he teaches her spanish from time to time, just the basics so that she can get by when they’re traveling. (although sometimes he’ll tell her the wrong things on purpose, just because it’s hilarious)

charles leclerc — one of the besties! he will often join her and lando on livestreams, especially if they’re sim racing. he’s very competitive with her and tries to beat her in every game possible. he loves when she helps him with english, as he often has troubles with the language. he is fascinated by the idea of texas roadhouse, and wants to go to one with her, carlos, lando, and oscar sometime. additionally, she’s the first one he goes to when he needs help understanding a specific social media trend. or help buying gifts for his girlfriend.

✧˖° aston martin ✧˖°

fernando alonso — endearingly refers to himself as her padre. loves to tease her about anything and everything, in the way a father would to his daughter. they have lengthy discussions over a variety of topics, ranging from opera music to what they had for breakfast that morning. she has a deeply rooted admiration for him, and views him as a role model.

lance stroll — one of the besties, but not as much as lando or oscar. they’re very friendly to one another, lance’s father often asking her if she wants to reconsider williams and join aston martin in 2025. she usually says smiles and says no, much to his father’s dismay.

✧˖° alpine ✧˖°

esteban ocon — the two do not really speak a whole lot, but they’re friendly and polite! like many of the other drivers, he enjoys seeing a new face and getting to know her!

pierre gasly — very friendly with one another! he enjoys having a fresh new face to the grid, and a new perspective that comes along with it. he’ll often taunt her in french, laughing when she gets frustrated that she can’t understand what he’s saying. he’ll compliment her when she has a good lap or a great race. he respects her boldness and how she is not willing to let the press paint her as someone she’s not.

✧˖° haas ✧˖°

nico hulkenberg — they do not really speak, unless it’s at an event or something press related. she does respect his seniority over the younger drivers! additionally, he respects her and wishes her well before races.

kevin magnussen — a similar situation to nico! they do speak to one another from time to time, often chirping greetings in the morning. he does tease her for really only knowing english, telling her that she needs to “hop on that owl app or something.”

✧˖° alphatauri ✧˖°

daniel ricciardo — the mf bestie. this man knows a little too much about her. besides alex, he was one of the first people to welcome her to the grid with open arms. when he was the third driver for redbull in 2023, he found himself bored often. so, he would wander into the williams paddock, searching for her. since they have a very similar sense of humor, they feed off one another, often laughing so hard they have tears in their eyes. they were often attached to the hip throughout 2023, james having to shoo daniel away at times.

during breaks or at night, daniel would often find himself in her williams motorhome, snuggling or eating food together. they would often pair up to do press events, conduct livestreams, special events, or bits together. due to their close nature, rumors and speculation made their rounds across social media.

daniel deeply respects and admires her, finding her unapologetic nature extremely attractive. additionally, he just found her to be his go-to person, for anything. she was his comfort when he found himself missing racing.

at the end of the 2023 season, daniel found himself in a predicament, as he was falling in love with her. however, as time progressed, and as he signed with alphatauri, he realized that their lifestyle would not provide them a happy and stable relationship. so after her win in jeddah, he knew he had to face the facts and tell her how he felt.

things are a little weird now, but he wants to rekindle their friendship, hoping things will return to the way they once were.

yuki tsunoda — since the two have very similar personalities, they often find it hard to be in the same room together for long periods of time. however, they are polite and cordial to one another. they will tease one another at times, and she does follow him on social media.

✧˖° kick sauber ✧˖°

valtteri bottas — they do not really speak. when they do, it’s really only at the beginning of the season for press related events. she does respect his seniority, and loves hearing his stories of his time at mercedes with lewis.

zhou guanyu — they do not really speak. it’s a similar situation like valtteri. they do bond over being relatively new to the f1 world. she also loves the pictures he shares of his cat.

[dindjarindiaries]

Senator's Shadow - Chapter 6

summary: As time winds down to the upcoming attack, you and Sergeant Hunter both find yourselves as conflicted as ever.

pairing: hunter (the bad batch) x fem!reader

rating: mature (18+)

tags: bodyguard romance, forbidden love, fluff & angst, emotional & physical hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, injuries & blood, trauma, eventual/mild smut

word count: 6.821k

chapter 5 ⟸ series masterlist ⟹ chapter 7

chapter 6 ⟹

“I just don’t know, Senator.” Your jaw ticked in your effort not to show the way you bristled with anger at the falsely disappointed words of yet another diplomat. “The problems are only getting worse, and Count Dooku is offering us much more than the Republic is.”

You furrowed your brow in frustration. “It’s not an equal exchange. Can’t you see that?” You looked around the massive, circular table full of Eirus’ highest-ranking officials, silently begging for them to understand your perspective. “Once they have their grip on our world, they will not let go. Their chosen government will absolve yours, and all of you will be outed while our people will be exploited and forced to work in their droid factories.”

The Prime Minister huffed an arrogant breath. “That’s a paranoid thought process, Senator.”

You fixed your intense stare on the Rodian. “It is not ‘paranoid’ when it has happened before on other worlds, Prime Minister. That makes it realistic.” You paused and looked around the group again. “And probable, if we cannot come to an agreement.”

“These attacks have only gotten worse since you arrived.” The Prime Minister wouldn’t back down. “Our people need order, and clearly, the Republic cannot provide that, seeing as it has failed to do so already.”

“It does not help that you have not implemented any of the resources the Republic and I have supplied you with from Coruscant.”

Another diplomat was quick to speak up. “Count Dooku is offering us even more resources.”

Your head snapped towards them. “And where is he now? Where are any of his officials?” You yet again waved a hand around, gesturing to the empty section of seats that would have been directly across from you. “They refuse to come here, yet here I am, trying to make things work in the best interest of all of you and our people.” You shook your head. “He cares so little about our world that he does not even value sending himself or someone else here on his behalf.”

Silence fell upon the diplomats as they considered your words. Some of them continued to stare at you, while others broke their gazes and looked around the room. You hoped that would promise some progress, but deep down, you knew the truth. 

You rose from your seat and continued. “But I care.” Hunter’s words from the night before ran across your mind, warming your chest as you went on. “And because I care, the Republic cares, too.” You nodded. “I fought for this world once before, and I will do it again if I have to.”

The diplomats shared looks, but you didn’t care to read them. Your frustrated rage was boiling hot just beneath the surface of your skin. This was a room full of people who would do nothing to save your world, and you weren’t going to wait for them any longer.

“With that, I believe we can conclude today’s sessions.” The Prime Minister was the next to stand from his seat, his gaze averting yours altogether as he nodded at the group. “We will resume tomorrow, as usual.”

You composed yourself with a breath and kept your mask on, despite the overwhelming urge to embrace your frustration wholeheartedly. With a dignified nod, you turned to the captain of your guard, allowing him to escort you out of the room. Even just stepping through the threshold released a tense weight from your shoulders, though it was far from eliminating all the burdens you were holding there.

The biggest was no doubt the decision that had been looming over your head for the past day. It was becoming more clear which choice you had to make, but it wouldn’t be easy to go that route. You would manage, but the squad who would be standing behind you… would they be punished for their role in your rebellion?

Would Hunter be punished, even hurt, for your own actions?

It wasn’t a thought that you could bear. You had to force it to the back of your mind for now, especially since they hadn’t yet arrived at your doors for the night. That thought at least brought a smile to your face. They were enjoying a meal, if all was well, and that satisfied you. No matter what was to come, you were still providing them with something.

You had a meal in the privacy of your suite, one you had to force down thanks to the pit that had been created in your stomach. In the silence of your lonesome, you ran through plans and probabilities a dozen times. The advantage to being betrayed by those you used to fight alongside was that you knew their plays—because many of those plays had been created by you.

As eager as you were to continue planning, you were utterly relieved by the sound of knocking on your doors. You smiled and rose from where you had been sitting, smoothing out the skirt of your dress before you reached the doors. They opened to reveal the sight of both Hunter and Tech.

You addressed Tech first, bowing your head in his direction. “Tech.” He returned the gesture before glancing back down at his datapad. You fixed your stare upon Hunter, who was already gazing at you with a once-over you were both familiar with and never quite used to. “Sergeant.” The smile on your lips remained even as you lifted an eyebrow. “Another briefing, I presume?”

Hunter bowed his head. “That’s right, Senator.” His dark eyes sparkled with too many emotions to identify in an instant. “We found what we were looking for.”

You were hit with a puzzling mix of both relief and dread as you nodded. “Good. I look forward to hearing about it.”

With that, you turned and walked back inside, encouraging Hunter to do the same. It wasn’t until you heard the doors close that you fully relaxed with a deep exhale. You closed your eyes and turned around to face the sergeant, only reopening them when you were ready for whatever he had to say. His worried gaze was already searching your own.

“How much time do we have?” Your voice was stronger than you had expected it to be.

Hunter took a step closer to you. “Two nights.” His voice was even raspier than usual as he spoke, as if there were also invisible burdens he was hiding on his own shoulders. You furrowed your brow. “Tech was able to slice into their comm channel, and he ran an analysis on their past attacks to prove it.”

You nodded, a rush of adrenaline pumping through you. “Okay, that’s fine. We can work with two more nights’ time.”

Hunter returned your nod, though his stare never left yours. “Have you decided what you’ll be doing?” He asked the question slowly, clearly reluctant to bring the topic up.

“I have.” You raised your chin, but only for a moment. “I’m going to fight.” Your gaze fell from his as you crossed your arms over your chest.

In your silence, Hunter approached you, setting his free hand upon your chin just as he had done two times before—but not since your beautifully haunting kiss. It was hard to focus with that thought lingering in the back of your mind. Hunter’s voice, however, broke through your brief reverie. “Then we’ll fight with you.”

You tightened your jaw, drowning in the comfort of his dark gaze as you voiced your fears to him. “Will that be safe for you and your squad?”

Hunter’s brow knit together. “What do you mean?”

You sighed a light breath. “I know you’re all willing to disobey orders, and that it’s a big part of the reason why I brought you with me. But…” you paused, gaining courage in the softness of Hunter’s expression before going on, “is it safe for you to do that?”

Hunter huffed, his gloved hand moving from your chin to your cheek in a smooth, calming motion. “Trust me, Senator. They stopped trying to reprimand us a long time ago.” He nodded, his eyes searching your own. “You don’t have to worry about us.”

Your hand covered his as you began to smile at him once again. “That’s much easier said than done, Hunter.”

The corners of Hunter’s lips also widened. “I know.”

The silence that followed shifted something between you, bringing you back to that moment in the base by the village. Both your gazes flickered low as your heart steadily started to beat faster and faster. You were drawn to him by the invisible tether you had created between you, and when your nose brushed his, you were yet again at a loss for breath.

But Hunter spoke before either one of you could make a move. “I should let you rest, Senator.” His voice was nothing more than a soft breath.

You shook your head, tightening your grasp on the hand of his that continued to cup your face. “You don’t have to leave.”

Hunter considered your words, both his stare and his voice lowering as he did so. “If I kiss you right now, Senator, I won’t be able to stop.”

The way his words weakened your knees further proved that you couldn’t let go of this moment, one you had been hoping for ever since that night at the village. “I’m okay with that.”

You made the move to close the distance between you, but you were stopped by Hunter’s thumb on your lips. Your eyes fluttered open to see that his were closed, as if he was in pain. You furrowed your brow and waited for him to break your tense silence. When he reopened his eyes, you saw all the conflict within him—and though your heart was stricken with pain on his behalf, it also filled you with a frustrated flame.

Hunter finally spoke, but his voice was nothing more than a whispered plea. “Please.” He exhaled, moving his face away from yours to lower his head. “Make this easier for me.”

His refusal was the last fracture that made you crumble under the weight of all your pressures. You narrowed your eyes and shook your head at him. “No.” Your hand grabbed his wrist and forced it away from your face. Hunter’s stare rose to yours again, and this time, it was filled with a confused panic. “I won’t play this game, Hunter.”

Hunter blinked a few times, his lips parted before he found his words again. “What are you talking about?”

You scoffed. “Days ago, you were encouraging me to indulge in my wants, telling me I didn’t have to choose between them and my people’s needs.” You gave him a disbelieving once-over. “Now, it’s suddenly a problem?”

Hunter hesitated, and you could hear the breath he held in his chest. His gaze was lowered, but it darted around as he tried to collect his thoughts. “It’s never been my intention to confuse or hurt you, Senator.” His stare met yours, its brown depths clouded with too much emotion to decipher. “I guess I’ve still got a lot to figure out myself.” He shook his head, and each word he spoke was strained with meaning. “I’m sorry.”

An apology wasn’t really what you wanted to hear, as genuine as it was. “Well, I’ve made my choice.” You lifted your brow, as if you were challenging him. “You have to make yours.” You gave your head another shake. “Because I’m not letting you have it both ways. Not when I’m already being torn apart by this crisis.”

The pained crease in Hunter’s brow nearly made you regret saying the words, but there was no getting around it. You already had the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, and you couldn’t take on another with such a push-and-pull relationship. He was going to have to choose.

“I should get some rest.” You stepped away from him to move towards your bedroom, trying your best to ignore the burn of his gaze on your back. “I trust that you can see yourself out, Sergeant?”

For the first time, your use of his title was nothing but bitter. When you gained the faith to look at Hunter again, he just nodded dutifully, turning on his heel to stride towards the doors of the suite. Before he got there, however, he stopped. His head turned over his shoulder so that all you could see was his profile. “Senator?”

You said nothing. It was clearly the invitation he was looking for to go on, and the hopeful part of you that wanted to be wrong about everything you had just said let him do so.

Hunter’s shoulders rose and fell with a steady breath before he turned to face you again. Still, he remained where he was, respecting the distance you had put between yourselves. “I was made for this war. I’ve never known a life without it, and I’ve never been able to think of a life beyond it.”

Your heart weighed heavy at the painful truth of his words. You lowered your gaze in shame as he went on.

“I’ve never even had the luxury of ‘wants’ outside of battle, especially with the squad in my care.” Hunter gestured with his head to the doors. “It doesn’t excuse me letting you get caught up in my own confusion, but…” he paused, his gaze once again lowered and searching before he went on, “I hope it helps you realize that you’ve never been the problem.”

Hunter’s stare found yours again, and a rush of strong flutters exploded within you at the breathtaking sincerity of his gaze.

“I know what I want. I’m just not sure if I can let myself have it.” Hunter looked over his shoulder. “For their sake as much as my own.”

You couldn’t think of any words to say. It was your turn to be speechless, lost in the weight of what he had so vulnerably shared with you. He had spent this entire mission understanding your perspective and prioritizing your desires, but you had made the mistake of never once trying to do the same for him.

“Goodnight, Senator.” Hunter dismissed himself with another nod before he walked through the doors that slid open for him, leading him back into the corridor.

As soon as he was gone, you shouldered the heavy weight of his absence. The doors closed at the same time your eyes did, your chest rising and falling with a deep, trembling breath. At the beginning, you had remembered it so well, the weight of Hunter’s own responsibilities that could put him at risk if you pursued a relationship together. But then the kiss had happened, and your rationality slipped away. Rather than talking to him about it, you sought more, more of what he knew he could not have.

Then, you made him feel bad about it. You ended up hurting him after all, long before he would even set foot into the upcoming battle. And of course he remained as honorable and genuine as possible, never once putting the blame on you.

You forced yourself to turn back to your bedroom door and walk through the threshold. As you settled into bed that night, it felt colder and emptier than ever—especially with the creeping fear that you may have ruined whatever potential you and Hunter had for a future together. 

You woke earlier than usual that morning. The time on the chrono was still within Hunter’s window for his watch shift, and you couldn’t deny yourself a chance to at least apologize. You weren’t sure when you would get another opportunity alone with him, aside from the usual briefing later that night. You couldn’t wait that long to put an end to the anxious agony that had made your sleep so restless.

As you dressed for the day, your thoughts dwelled on your current inner crisis. The guilt consumed you whole, but so did the helplessness of the situation. You both wanted the same thing and you had no idea how to help him pursue that. Not when he had so many burdens on his shoulders already, burdens that he had quite literally been created with.

That could be explored later. For now, you just had to apologize. You reminded yourself of that as you headed to the doors of the suite, your pulse racing in anticipation as they opened for you.

You furrowed your brow when Echo turned around to face you. “Senator?” He checked the nearest chrono. “It’s pretty early for you to be awake.”

Your heart sank in disappointment, though you kept a small smile on your lips. “I have a lot to prepare for, Echo.” Was Hunter really so upset that he changed his watch shift?

The ARC trooper removed his helmet, revealing his raised brow. “At this time of the morning?”

You continued to mask with a soft huff. “It’s never too early to begin preparations.” You let out a deeper exhale, bowing your head. “But I’m sorry to have disturbed you, Echo. I…” You paused, trying to find a fitting lie.

“You thought it would be Hunter.” Echo’s words made your gaze snap back up to his. He was smiling, but when his stare caught yours, the smugness began to falter. “Did something happen?”

You swallowed hard, your gaze focusing on the sight of Hunter’s door beyond Echo. “I simply owe him an apology for something. That’s all.”

Echo looked as if he was going to question you about it, but he must have changed his mind. “Well, Hunter’s finally getting some sleep. He found out Wrecker hasn’t been getting enough rest, so he changed the shift schedule.”

Your chest constricted with a confusing number of emotions. “How so?”

“In typical Hunter style, he’s taking a double shift, now. Watching the doors for most of the night, getting maybe a few hours of sleep in before the wake-up call.”

You exhaled a soft breath. That was no surprise to hear, but the fact he hadn’t communicated such a change to you himself hurt worse than it should have. “I see.” You nodded at Echo. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, Echo. My apologies again.”

As you turned back to your doors, however, Echo went on. “If it’s any help, Senator, I don’t think he’s upset with you.” You froze, turning your rapt attention back to Echo. He lifted his brow. “He’s upset with himself.”

You faced Echo fully again and crossed your arms. “What makes you so sure?”

Echo sighed and looked at Hunter’s door. “When he gets upset with himself, he just… keeps to himself. Starts taking on extra responsibilities.”

You grimaced. “Like the watch shifts.”

Echo’s stare found yours again as he nodded. “Exactly.”

You held the side of your face with your palm and exhaled. “He shouldn’t be upset with himself. It’s my fault.”

Echo hesitated for only a moment before he spoke. “Well, Senator, if this is about what I think it’s about… it won’t be easy to convince him of that.”

Your self-loathing began to subside in your sudden concern for Hunter. You dropped your hand from your face and held your arms tighter. “Why?”

Echo shook his head. “Well, Hunter’s good at just about everything. Exceptional, even. But vulnerability?” Echo gave his head a fond tilt. “That’s not his strong suit. And if he thinks he hurt you somehow while he was already trying to be vulnerable…”

You were able to finish the thought. “He’s gonna shut me out.”

Echo stepped closer to you and set a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “But if anyone can get through to him, Senator, it’s you. I’m already amazed at how much you’ve been able to do that.” He chuckled and raised his brow. “Never seen the man so giddy before.”

Your ears burned as you laughed with him. You took his hand from your shoulder and held it between yours in pure gratitude. “Thank you, Echo.” You sighed and let your worry consume you for a moment. “I just hope he’ll give me the chance to help him.”

“Based on how he spoke about you last night during the schedule change?” Echo huffed as he slid his helmet back on over his head. “You don’t have to worry about that at all.”

You beamed, giving your head a fond shake as you turned back to your doors and stepped through them. They closed behind you, and though you should have tried to get more rest, you had too much to think about. You were already planning the next private conversation you would have with Hunter, one that would hopefully go much smoother than last evening did.

This at least made time move by faster, and soon, it was time to reemerge. You approached the doors with a new mindset, preparing yourself for a whole different kind of battle than the one you would be facing tomorrow.

When the doors opened, you were shocked to see that Hunter was already standing there with Echo. Your heart skipped a surprised beat at the sight of him, though the way he was already concealing his face from view with his helmet forced a pulse of disappointment through you.

Hunter’s visor turned to you, and you were caught in the intensity of it. He nodded, breaking the gaze almost straight away. “Good morning, Senator.”

The corners of your mouth tightened before you returned the gesture. “Sergeant. I hope you were able to get some rest.” It was time to give him a push, to see if Echo was right about his true motivations for taking yet another responsibility on his shoulders. You glanced at the ARC trooper. “Echo told me you changed the shift schedule.”

Hunter tilted his helmet. You wished more than anything that you could see his eyes. “It’s better this way. Now, everyone gets equal rest.”

You furrowed your brow. “Everyone except for you?”

Hunter straightened his posture at that. “I’ll be fine, Senator. I’m used to it.”

You still wouldn’t back down. “Cutting back on rest before such a dangerous mission isn’t a very wise choice, Sergeant, regardless of whether you’re used to it or not.”

Hunter sighed and set a hand on his hip. “Senator—.”

Echo cleared his throat when the squad’s doors began to open. You looked past Hunter to see Wrecker and Crosshair making their way over, and it was more than likely that Tech would emerge from your suite at any moment. You folded your hands behind your back and took a deep breath for composure. Once Tech had arrived, you spoke up to the gathered group first. “What are your squad’s plans for today, Sergeant?”

Hunter’s helmet turned towards you slowly, as if it was a cautious movement. “Scoping out their camp again. We need to get as much information as possible before we put our official plans in place.”

You nodded. “I concur. Will the briefing be tonight?”

Hunter shook his head. “We’ll do it tomorrow. I want it to be fresh.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Will I at least be briefed on today’s findings?”

Hunter lifted both hands to his hips. “If there’s anything to report, then yes.”

You gave him a disbelieving once-over. Never before had Hunter pushed back on keeping you as in-the-loop as possible. Now, after already failing to notify you about the watch schedule change, he was going to avoid your usual evening briefings.

You were going to have to push him even harder.

Tech tried to speak up into your stunned silence. “Given how much we already know, it is doubtful that we will find anything—.”

“Considering this is an attack on my home village, Sergeant, I would appreciate receiving details on any and all findings, no matter how small.”

“We can make that possible,” Echo cut in, clearly trying to both help you and ease the tension. “I’m sure we’ll find something worth noting.”

“That makes one of us,” Crosshair muttered.

“I have to say, I am with Crosshair on this one,” Tech added. “Like I attempted to share before, it is doubtful that—.”

Hunter was the one to cut him off that time. “I don’t want to waste any of your time if we don’t find anything worth noting, Senator.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Anything that has to do with my home village is not a ‘waste of time,’ Sergeant.”

Hunter exhaled and held a hand against his helmet. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It kinda sounded like it was,” Wrecker insisted. Hunter’s helmet snapped towards him, making Wrecker shrink back in surprise.

“Listen.” Echo continued to be the voice of reason as he cut into the noise. “We’ve got tons of daylight on our side right now. We’ll make sure we can find something for you by tonight, Senator, if only to put your mind at ease. All right?”

You nodded at him. “I like that plan of yours, Echo.” Your gaze flickered to Hunter’s visor, but only for a moment. “It’s a sensible approach.”

With that, you strided off, heading to your guards who awaited you at the far end of the corridor. The further you got from the group, however, the harder it became to leave them behind. Hunter’s stare was burning so intensely into your back that you were half-convinced he would leave a mark behind. Clearly, whatever you were doing was working to a degree, but you didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

You had never wanted to show a person they were deserving of love so badly before.

Throughout your diplomatic sessions for the day, your thoughts dwelled with Hunter and the two battles you were fighting. There was no point in participating in diplomacy any longer; you would keep your mask on and leave it at that. Yesterday had proven that these officials were far beyond saving. You could afford to let your thoughts stray in these sessions if it meant that all the people you were actually trying to help would be saved—if they would let you, Hunter included.

The day trudged on, but eventually, it came to an end. You were relieved to be heading back to your suite, even with the anticipation of facing Hunter again. You had rehearsed conversations in your mind a thousand times throughout the day, leaving you more prepared than ever to speak to him.

But when you got to your doors, he was nowhere to be found. It was Echo who awaited you with a half-hearted smile. You returned it even as you raised your brow and looked around the end of the corridor.

“Good to see you again, Echo.” You nodded at him, and he returned the gesture. “Where’s your squad?” You lowered your voice to keep it between the two of you. “And the sergeant?”

Echo exhaled and closed his eyes. “I tried my best, Senator.” Your chest tightened as Echo’s eyes reopened, his stare meeting yours. “Hunter insisted on staying later at the camp tonight, and he’s got Crosshair and Tech with him. Wrecker and I are covering the watch shifts until they get back.”

You frowned and attempted to ignore the worried pang that gnawed at your stomach. “How long will they be gone?”

Echo shook his head. “I’m not sure. I don’t think it’ll be too long.” He offered a hopeful smile. “Hunter doesn’t like to leave you on your own, even now.”

You scoffed and held your arms with your hands. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

Echo took a step closer to you. “I will say, Senator, that he stayed because he wanted to be able to bring back something new for you.” He lifted the corner of his mouth in a genuine smile. “Just like you had asked him to.”

You softened, though your frustration and worry continued to fester within your chest. “Well, it works very conveniently with his plan to avoid me.”

Echo huffed. “Yeah. For now.��� He nodded at you again. “Just give it time. You’ll have your chance.”

You set a hand on Echo’s shoulder. “I hope you’re right, Echo.” You added a pat before you walked over to your doors and watched them open for you. “Make sure you get some rest, okay?”

Echo called into the suite after you. “You too, Senator.”

You smiled to yourself at his meaningful concern for you as the doors closed, leaving you in your lonesome once again. Though you wished more than anything that you would be getting an evening briefing from Hunter again, and thus an opportunity to talk to him, Echo had been right. He just needed time—and maybe you did, too.

But neither one of you had time, and that was the problem. Tomorrow’s battle would more than likely put an end to this mission, whether you were successful or not. Waiting was the last thing you wanted to do. You couldn’t bear the thought of letting both your world and Hunter slip through your fingers.

Despite these strong worries, you were able to do what Echo had gently requested you to. Your body was exhausted with the weight of all the burdens you had been putting on it, and it wasn’t long before you were able to fall into a deep sleep.

You weren’t sure what time it was when you heard the door to your bedroom open.

The knife was thrown before you could even sit up. Rather than hitting you, however, it disarmed a mysterious shadow at your side. You tried to kick your startled body into action, but before you could roll away to the other side of the bed, you were seized by the shadow’s two strong arms. They forced you out of the bed as they held you tight against their front, soon adding a blade to your neck as you were forced to look at whoever stood in the threshold of your door.

Hunter. You nearly breathed his name in your strong relief, despite the situation. His helmet was on, but you didn’t need to read his face to see all the panic and tension he held for you. The slight tremble of his blaster that was raised at your attacker spoke for him.

“Move, and she’s dead,” your attacker snarled. It wasn’t a voice you were familiar with, at least.

“Let her go,” Hunter warned in a menacing tone you’d never heard from him before, “or you’re dead.”

“Sergeant,” you called for him, raising your brow as his visor met your gaze. His protectiveness meant everything to you, but your injuries policy still stood. He had to understand that, even now.

“Quiet.” Your attacker’s voice shook with nerves as he tightened the blade on your neck. You grunted at the movement, but you weren’t alarmed by it. It was predictable. “Put down the blaster.”

Hunter tilted his helmet, and his grip on the weapon only tightened. “Yeah, I don’t really do that whole ‘following orders’ thing.”

You spoke up just after him. “Neither do I.”

You held your attacker’s arms and pulled yourself down as hard as you could, flipping him over your back. You rose back to your full height and took up Hunter’s discarded knife, but the sergeant had already shocked the attacker. His blaster, however, was now aimed behind you.

You stepped and turned just in time to avoid an attempted blow from a second attacker, who had hopped through the same open viewport as the other. Gripping Hunter’s knife tighter, you lunged towards them, jabbing the blunt end of the blade against their wrist to disarm them. Just as you leaned back to avoid another blow, the blue light of Hunter’s shot hit the attacker, stunning them and sending them into a steaming heap on the floor.

You steadied your breathing as you rushed over to the viewport, leaning out to make sure there were no others. When you closed it again and stepped away, you were immediately met with Hunter’s concerned expression, his helmet and blaster having been left behind on your bed.

“Are you okay?” Hunter’s brow was knit together, and his voice was strained as his dark gaze gave you a thorough once-over. Your ears burned when you remembered that you were still in your small nightgown. “Did they hurt you?” One of his hands held your shoulder as the other ran over your neck, where the attacker’s blade had been.

“I’m fine.” You kept your voice soft and nodded at him. “Thanks to your senses.”

Hunter exhaled a relieved breath, and as the adrenaline wore off, you could see him returning to his usual self. He withdrew his hands from you and returned your nod. You grimaced at the distance he was putting between you again as he reached for the comlink on his belt and spoke into it. “Boys, we’ve got infiltrators. Crosshair and Tech, do a perimeter sweep, make sure there aren’t any more. Echo, watch the outside door. Wrecker, I’ve got two men in the senator’s suite that I need you to take to the brig.”

You looked down at the unconscious attackers as he spoke. They weren’t any of the trained fighters you would have recognized, and that at least made one glaring truth evident. “These are rogue assassins.” You spoke before you even knew if Hunter was listening to you. “They’re not trained fighters.” Your gaze rose back to Hunter’s, which was watching you with both concern and curiosity. “If they were, that would’ve been a much harder fight.”

“And the trained fighters wouldn’t have jeopardized their upcoming mission.” Hunter lowered his stare to the two men and took a deep breath. “You’re right.”

You attempted both a smile and a joke. “Aren’t I always?”

That at least got Hunter to huff. The sound warmed your chest with a sweet flame, though it was quickly snuffed out when Hunter continued to avoid your gaze. Maybe pushing him wouldn’t be the solution, after all.

You sighed and wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly conscious of the way you were dressed. “Thank you, Sergeant.”

Hunter’s stare found yours in disbelief. “For what, Senator?”

You chuckled and gestured to the bodies on the floor with your eyes. “For saving me.”

Hunter softened, even as his jaw tightened. There was a swirling cloud of emotions in his gaze that made it hard to resist reaching out for him. “You shouldn’t have to thank me for that.”

Wrecker entered the room before either one of you could continue. He gave himself some time to stretch before he bent down to pick up the unmoving men. “Looks like you two got ‘em easy.” Wrecker let out a hearty chuckle and nodded at you in approval. “Good work, Senator.”

You smiled and nodded at him. “Thank you for your help, Wrecker.”

Wrecker returned your nod and turned to Hunter. “You said you want ‘em in the brig, Sarge?”

“Yeah.” Hunter had already holstered his blaster, and he had his helmet tucked underneath his arm. “We’ll talk to them in the morning. For now…” he gestured to you with his head, but he didn’t look at you, “we should let the senator rest and recover.”

No, rest was the last thing you needed. What you needed was the same man who had just come to your rescue, and you weren’t letting him walk away again. As he started to follow Wrecker, you stepped forward, tightening your hands around yourself. “Sergeant?”

Hunter’s head turned back to you. You let your vulnerability show as you pleaded with your eyes, and your shoulders shook with a deep, trembling breath.

“If I could speak to you for just a moment?”

Hunter couldn’t deny you, just as Echo had insinuated before. He only turned to nod at Wrecker and dismiss him. Wrecker continued on through the threshold, leaving you and Hunter alone in the darkness of your bedroom.

You wasted no time getting to the point. “I owe you an apology.”

Hunter let out a heavy sigh, his head hanging in a guilt he wasn’t even trying to hide. “No you don’t.”

“I do.” You took a step closer to him. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that last night. What I should’ve done is remember that this isn’t as easy of a decision for you to make as it is for me.”

Hunter’s gaze darted around as he considered your words. You took his silence as an invitation to keep going.

“But you don’t have to avoid me. I understand that I was unreasonably harsh, and I can’t emphasize how deeply sorry I am for that, but… is this really what you want, now?”

The pain in your voice caused Hunter’s stare to find yours again. His dark eyes did nothing to hide the conflict he was holding deep within him, and neither did the strain of his voice as he spoke. “It’s not what I want at all, Senator.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But I have to avoid you, because I don’t trust myself to be alone around you. I’ll only end up giving in and hurting you again, and that’s not something I’m willing to do.”

Your chest ached for him, but you still took another step closer, keeping your voice level as you spoke. “Your avoidance is hurting me more than the alternative would.”

Hunter’s eyes snapped back open at that, and they were widened in the same panicked way they had been last night. You softened and offered him a reassuring nod.

“Ever since we met, you’ve done all you can to understand me. To show me a sweet kind of sympathy I’ve never gotten before. And I… I never did that for you, at least not in the same way.”

You let your arms fall to your sides, opening up to him completely.

“Now I understand. I understand that this decision isn’t as easy for you as it is for me. But I think that’s because you’re forgetting something.”

You paused, giving Hunter the opportunity to speak. When he continued to remain silent, his jaw tight and his brow furrowed, you went on.

“It’s the same thing you’ve been reminding me this entire time. That I’m not alone.” Another step caused you to be nearly chest-to-chest with him. You reached a hand up towards his face, keeping the movement slow to let him stop you—but he didn’t. Your palm met his cheek, and he started to melt against it. “Neither are you, Hunter.”

Hunter’s eyes closed again, but this time, the motion was less desperate. He finally looked at ease, and you smiled to yourself at the progress you were making.

“If this is something you want… if we’re something you want… you don’t have to figure it out on your own.” You lifted your other hand to the tattooed side of his face, nodding once he had opened his eyes to look at you again. “I’ll be right here, and you know your squad will, too.” You giggled. “Especially Echo.”

Hunter laughed with you at that. It was a soft chuckle full of the same warmth you had gotten to see from him before. A hopeful flame burned within your chest, along with another that was deeply rooted inside of you. It was getting harder to ignore, and you let it fuel you as you leaned your face closer to his.

“Let me help you, Hunter, if that’s what you want.” You searched his gaze, which was only getting softer the more you spoke. “You gave me a choice before, and like I said last night, I’ve made mine. Now, you’re free to make your own.” You brushed your nose against his. This time, the motion drew a soft breath from his lips rather than your own. “Do you want this?” Your eyelids fluttered, your heart racing as your lips just barely touched his. “Do you want me?”

All the worries and pleas had been freed from your chest. You could only wait on him, now, even if every single part of your mind, heart, and body pleaded with you to close the distance. Like you had said, he had given you the choice before. This time, it would be his.

For a moment, Hunter pulled back, and your chest tightened with worry. Then, his hand wrapped around the back of your neck, and his lips were on yours for the first time in much too long.

chapter 5 ⟸ series masterlist ⟹ chapter 7

hunter tag list: @zenrobbins0021 @cw80831 @yunggoblin @maddiedrmr @Molmcb

senator’s shadow tag list: @violetlilly2020 @jellybeanstacey0519 @dindadjarin

[beskarandblasters]

Stonecatcher - Chapter Five: Washing Machine Heart

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Series Masterlist | Din Djarin Masterlist | Series Playlist Artwork: The Lovers by René Magritte Gif: @cherubispunk

Series summary: You’re an arms dealer living on Dantooine when you cross paths with an up-and-coming bounty hunter. What starts as a business relationship quickly becomes more. How long can you bury your emotions and be a stonecatcher for someone else before you finally snap?

Series warnings: instant smut but slow burn romantically, angst, use of Mando’a words/phrases, no use of y/n

Chapter summary: You have a dream that inspires you to question the nature of your relationship with Mando. It blows up in your face. Word count: 2.2k

Chapter warnings: fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, desperation, arguing

This is getting out of hand. Mando comes to purchase things and pound the living daylights out of you every single week now. It’s been four weeks of this. 

It may be out of hand but that doesn’t mean you’re secretly not enjoying it. He’s cleaning you out of so much of your stock that Kham is going to Coruscant for supply runs twice a week if he can manage; one for Mando, the other for your general customers. 

And speaking of Kham, he’s a little suspicious of Mando. 

“What’s this guy’s deal anyway?” he asked one time. 

“He’s a bounty hunter,” you shrugged. 

He fell silent for a moment. 

“What?” you teased, “You got a bounty on your head?”

“No! That’s not it.”

“Well, then what is it?”

“Where did you say he was from again?” 

“I think he said Nevarro.”

“And he comes all the way here? Why couldn’t he go to Coruscant himself?”

“He said my prices were fair when I asked,” you shrugged again. 

“Hm.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Just… be careful with him.”

You haven’t stopped thinking about that interaction. But in the same breath, you try to ignore what it could mean. Sheva’s a lot more direct than Kham is. Every time you see her (which isn’t that often lately) she brings it up. You sound like an addict when you answer her; “I can stop seeing him whenever I want.”

Yet you never have the strength to put your foot down. 

-

You’re checking your inventory, looking at how much of it has depleted last week; and then a sudden thought crosses your mind. 

Does he need all this stuff? Or is he buying off this stuff as a cover? As a way to mask his true feelings?

The thought makes you giddy. The fact that he’s too much of a typical man to tell you his feelings. But then it also makes you angry that he’s such a typical man. 

Maybe he does have feelings for you. Maybe this isn’t as one-sided as you thought. 

-

Tonight your dream is so vivid. It’s almost too real. And it will certainly hurt when you wake up and realize this isn’t the way things are. 

In your dream, you’re doing something that makes you feel like a real couple. No, it’s not kissing. Or even having sex. 

It’s holding one another in bed. 

You’re lying on his chest, check pressed against the cool metal breastplate. His gloved hand is rubbing your back. He’s whispering something, though you can’t understand what. You can only assume it’s in Mando’a. You close your eyes and feel at peace for once.

You drift off to sleep in the dream, waking up with him still there. 

Now you’re in a field. It’s the end of the rainy season and the grass is tinged lavender. He takes off his helmet and for some reason, your brain can’t register what his face looks like, maybe because you’ve never seen it before. Maybe out of respect for his creed. 

Either way, your heart is soaring. 

-

But it hurts when you wake up. He felt so real rubbing your back. He felt so real sleeping in bed next to you. He felt so real whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He felt so real telling you that he loves you, all in his native tongue. It makes you ache for a life that isn’t yours… yet. 

But maybe you have the power to make it yours. 

Regardless, you pull yourself out of bed and get started with your day. 

-

Sometime in the early evening, Mando shows up. It’s like clockwork. Kham knows to go home when Mando arrives. While you’ve fallen into the routine of waiting for him in your bedroom while he combs through your stock. 

But this time you hang back in the kitchen. You hear him below you in the basement, metal clanking loudly as he rifles through all of your various blasters. 

You make yourself a mug of hot tea, leaning over your kitchen sink, and staring out the window into the backyard. The rolling hills and blades of grass swaying in the wind calm you down, easing you into the mindset that you’re going to do the unthinkable today. 

A few weeks ago you asked what ruusaan meant. He never told you. And since then you haven’t been able to work up the courage to ask again. But today is different. You’re going to ask him what that word means and you’re going to ask him about the nature of your relationship. 

His footsteps enter the kitchen. He’s done with his shopping. You hear him take a few steps closer to you and ask, “No bedroom today?”

“Not today,” you sigh. 

He grabs your waist, rutting his hips into your ass. You feel the growing bulge in his flight suit, cock straining against the fabric. Your core gets wet with excitement. He tosses his glove on the counter and pulls your panties to the side. You catch a glimpse of him in the dim reflection in the window, him towering over you, stoic visor looking directly at you. 

He plays with your wetness, spreading it around before plunging a finger inside you. Your breath hitches in your throat, standing on your tiptoes and keeping yourself upright. Your elbows rest by either corner of the sink. Your whole body shudders, all from his singular finger. Maker, it’s like magic how fast he can reduce you to a shivering mess, at the mercy of his touch, hanging on every rare word he says. 

He adds a second finger, curling both of them against your g-spot. As he builds up your pleasure your orgasm becomes imminent. But so is the voice in your head screaming incessantly. 

Love me. 

Love me. 

Love me!!!

Maker, you feel so helpless and desperate, all while he’s playing with your body and making you squirm. White noise erupts in your ears and stars swirl around in your vision. Your orgasm washes over you, knees buckling underneath you, thankful for the counter holding you up. 

He pulls his fingers from you and the next part happens so fast. His hands grip your waist and his cock splits you open. He ruts his hips into you, so hard and rough that you fear your knees would give out if it wasn’t for the sink and his strength holding you up. 

You close your eyes, picturing the dream you had last night, just how loving he was. You imagine him doing something not too far off from what he’s doing now– making love to you, touching you tenderly, holding you as if you’re the most precious thing in the galaxy to him. 

Without realizing it your second orgasm rips through you, the head of his cock buried deep inside you. You had no idea your orgasm was approaching, too busy in la la land. He cums inside you, painting your insides with his release. He holds you still against him, a guttural moan slipping out from under the helmet. 

But when he finally finishes spilling his load inside you, he pulls out. You turn and slump into a kitchen chair, staring up at the ceiling and catching your breath. Wetness leaks out of you and runs down your leg; a mixture of your combined orgasms, a product of the act you just shared. 

A thought crosses your mind… ask him before he leaves.

“Mando?”

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“What did that word mean? You never told me.”

He sighs like he knows you’re not going to let this go, like he knows can’t keep pushing this off.

“It’s Mando’a for reliable one,” he says, putting his cock away. 

Oh. 

“Reliable one?”

“Mhm.”

“Why do you call me that?” 

“You’re there when I need you,” he says, standing with his hands on his hips. 

A warm feeling swells inside you. He just said he needs you. Your relationship has to transcend a business partnership at this point. 

“Can I ask you another question?”

“Okay.”

“What… are we?”

“You’re my supplier,” he says quickly.

“That’s it? You don’t see us as anything more?”

“You do?” he says, helmet turning towards you.

You look away, unable to face him head-on as you question what your relationship is. 

“You have been stopping by more frequently.”

“To buy things. What do you think I’m coming to you for?”

“There’s no other reason for it?”

“Don’t tell me you think this is something more than it is,” he says coldly. 

The audacity of him. The irony of it all. Putting his cock away after sharing an intimate moment and sharing what your nickname means only for him to tell you there’s nothing there. That there’s nothing between you two. That you’re nothing more than a business partnership.

Except you know that’s not true. 

“You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me,” he says coldly. 

“I-”

“You don’t even know my name.” That time he sounds borderline angry. 

He turns on his heel and leaves, cape flickering with a swish. You hear him grab his purchases, throwing credits down on the table in the front room, and then he’s gone. It isn’t until you’re alone that you break down. Tears roll down your cheeks and fall onto your lap. 

That just… can’t be true. His words don’t match his actions. You’re starting to feel crazy like you’re grasping at straws and seeing something that isn’t there. 

You need advice and you know exactly who to go to. Sulee’s still up at this hour. And Sheva will just scold you for not following her advice. 

Even though it’s looking like she might’ve been right this whole time…

Whatever, you’re not going to her, you’re going to Sulee. 

You pull yourself together, drying your tears and smoothing down your skirt. You use the refresher before you go, stepping out onto the street at sunset. 

Sulee’s light is still on so you let yourself inside. She’s sitting by her faithful wood stove, stirring a pot like she always is. You tried to make it look like you weren’t crying but one look at you tells her otherwise. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, concern laced in her voice.

“I… need advice.”

“Of course,” she says, gesturing to a stool beside her. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

You sit beside her and sigh, your shoulders slumping as your skin burns up in front of the stove. For once, you’re grateful for the heat as it dries your tears before they spill over onto your cheeks. 

“I’ve been seeing someone…”

“I know,” she says simply.

“You know?”

“Word travels fast around here,” she shrugs.

“Then why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

She’s always understanding, always patient with you. 

“He’s a customer… But he’s always been more than just a customer.”

“I see.”

“I’ve seen him on a supply run to Coruscant. We spent the night together but he left early in the morning, only leaving a note… He always does that when I fall asleep.”

She says nothing, letting you continue. 

“And he’s so… reluctant to any form of affection. Yet he has a nickname for me… But when I ask what we are he tells me we’re nothing, that I don’t know who he is, that I’m… nothing more than his supplier.”

She stays silent again for a moment, thinking about everything you’ve said until he comes back with, “I’m going to say something and you probably aren’t going to like it.”

“Okay.”

“I think you should cut him loose.”

“Oh…”

“As a customer, too.”

“I can’t do that… He’s more than half of my sales.”

“I get it… But think about it. Please. I hate seeing you like this.”

It’s hard for you to accept that she might be right. Even if you keep him as just a customer, it’ll be hard seeing him and not letting him inside you. But now that you’ve had your advice, you need to mull it over. You need to be alone.

“I’ll think about it,” you fake smile, rising from your seat. 

“I’m always here if you need me,” she reminds you as you walk to the door. 

“I know,” you smile again, stepping out into the nighttime air. Tears roll down your cheeks again. You wipe your face with the back of your hand, getting ready to walk home. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot someone coming towards you. Maybe it’s Mando, coming to apologize for hurting your feelings. But once you turn and face the person you realize it’s not him. It’s a local, but a rather new one. Someone who moved here during the influx of tourists this season. 

“Hey,” he slurs. He sounds drunk.

“Hi,” you say awkwardly, taking a step back.

“Do you do that with all your customers?”

“Pardon?”

“You know…” he says, thrusting his hips. “With the Mandalorian.”

You scoff and turn on your heel, power-walking home. 

“Maybe I’ll stop by and buy something one of these days,” he laughs. “Do you take payments in the form of pipe?”

You look over your shoulder and snap, “Don't let me ever catch you in my store.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m just joking, lady.”

You roll your eyes and hurry home. The tears aren’t stopping anytime soon. 

The only thing that weighs heavy on your mind is… What is Mando doing to you? 

Fic notifs: @beskarandblastersfics

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

Tag list: @wannab-urs @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @clawdee @schnarfer @djarins-cyare @chiyo13 @burntheedges @pamakinz @littlegrungegirlaf @freelancearsonist @survivingandenduring @pedrostories

[becauseimanicequeen]

hi 👋 i love your recent my stand in post. i honestly think the biggest criticism i have for msi has nothing much to do with plot but rather 'gah why is ming's rich boy wardrobe sooooo tacky'. so i wanted to ask what have been some of your favorite outfits of joe and ming so far in the series

Hi, Claire.

I love that question.

I've seen comments like that about Ming's clothes floating around, and they are valid. Honestly, though, I don't think Ming's wardrobe is too bad.

So let me rant about Ming's wardrobe for a bit (lol) before I answer your question...

I studied fashion in my late teens/early twenties and have seen the good, the bad, and the really ugly in the fashion industry since the late 00s/early 10s. Even though I'm not as deep into the industry as I used to be, Ming's wardrobe could've been much worse. But it isn't top-tier either. I feel like it's somewhere in between.

I don't know if it was for budget reasons or something, but I get the feeling that they grabbed whatever ready-to-wear/off-the-peg clothes they could find that were (mostly) black/dark and from a known brand. This isn't necessarily bad (I'll get into that in a moment).

However, considering Ming, his personality, and how Up portrays him, he just feels like a person who would wear more haute couture (custom-fitted clothes). They could've done that on a budget (without using high fashion brands), but I get the feeling that, perhaps, showing off brands was more important.

(If I remember correctly (which I might not, lol), there was a trend not too long ago where designer clothes had their logos prominently on the garments because it was trendy to show off where the clothes were from. Perhaps they planned/filmed msi around that time and were influenced by that trend...)

The positives I personally see with Ming's wardrobe is that I get the feeling that they focused on darker colors (mostly black) to reinforce that he is the moody brooder he is. So far, I feel like they've managed to get that right and it suits him really well.

Another thing I feel like they got right is that his clothes in the beginning (when we see what happened in the past) are kind of minimalist or "quiet" (for lack of a better description). Like these:

And I feel like that suits him well since he didn't want any attention or the spotlight on him at that point.

There is one shirt that goes against this "quiet" style, which is this patterned shirt he wears when he's shopping with Joe (and the "loudest" shirt we saw him wear in the past):

But I feel like this is when Ming is more comfortable with Joe and has let some of Joe's relentless positivity into his life, so it still makes sense to the story and Ming.

Then, in the present, he comes out, guns blazing, in this outfit like the diva he is:

To make sure Joe (wherever he might be) has a chance to see Ming. Sure, it's for a job. But he's clearly using that job to make sure Joe (whom Ming believes is still alive somewhere) notices him. And who wouldn't notice him in that outfit?

So, even though I feel like some of the outfits don't feel like Ming to me, they've still worked well with what they have to tell his story.

Now, to answer your question...

Many of Joe's outfits are more laid-back with t-shirts and hoodies (which is more like my everyday style since I paint all day and throw paint everywhere, lol). I feel like they suit him well considering he seems to work out a lot due to his job.

I'm not sure I have a favorite of his when he's wearing those more comfortable clothes. So, I'll get back to Joe in a moment.

When it comes to Ming, I like this sweater for the reason that it's Vivienne Westwood (honestly, I don't know if it's genuine because I've never seen her time machine logo like this before, but let's assume it is).

I've always loved Vivienne Westwood for being totally out there and unapologetically herself. So this has to be one of my favorite Ming outfits. (But, as you can tell, I'm Dame Vivienne Westwood biased, lol.)

I also have a soft spot for men in black, and here are both Joe and Ming looking gorgeous!

Joe is keeping with his more laid-back style, which I love. I also feel like Ming's outfit is the closest we got to him dressed in haute couture in the past storyline, and I love it.

And then there's this:

Both are in dark colors again. Joe is looking casual but like a million bucks (even though it looks like he has pants on pants, lol). And Ming... Damn!

I'm an ice queen, but I lost my shit when I saw those first images of Ming in that lace outfit. It might've been because I have a gigantic soft spot for Up, but I'm pretty sure it was just as much because of all that lace (it's my favorite fabric when I dress up, btw).

Others might call it too much. But my man is doing whatever he can to get his man to notice him. And I swear... It's working.

So these outfits from their photoshoot are my favorites of theirs so far.

Thank you for the ask.

And, btw, what are your favorites?

[todayisafridaynight]