#I want 2024 to be the year my family move back into their home country

[nukebag]

can someone just kill putin when he makes his new year speech this year 🙏

[nightsadness]

Tags: fem!reader, headcanons, angst?, treason, mistress!reader, mention of Nacha

Pairing: Francis Mosses x fem!reader

Warning: Francis was cheating on Nacha. The author's command of English is not very good, and there may be errors in the text

A/n: Guys, if you want a sequel, just post it in the comments. I've had this idea in my head for a long time and couldn't sleep well until I wrote it. I don't know what kind of ending to make: happy or sad? In the idea, does the girl get a job as a doorman or do she and Francis just happen to cross paths

Word: 444

2 years ago you had a secret affair with Francis, he was still married and you were his mistress. He came to you like a party, and it was for you that Mosses saved his charm, his smiles, his funny stories. At home, he's a dreary family servant, a slave to the garbage can and material calculations. At yours, he's a conqueror of the universe, a superman, a knight. You take him for what he wants to be in your eyes. Yes, you'll never see him in his house slippers in front of the TV or making excuses on the phone to his boss. And that's great!

Nacha can sleep well - you and Francis have so little in common: only love. Love in its purest form, not translated into material details, not relegated to the boring ritual of eating together or watching television programs. And let his wife cook her praised food, flavored with her irritation and fatigue, an apple from your hands will still taste better. Because all you need is love. Yes, one day that love will be gone...one fine day. Everything alive goes away sooner or later. And you don't have to try to pretend that your feeling is eternal, it won't make it come alive. You don't have to pretend and lie for years that you're experiencing something that has no return.

But as previously stated, love was gone. One fine day, it would seem, Nacha found out about her husband's adventures. It was like this: she just happened to see you together and it didn't take her not long to put the puzzle together, especially since she caught you kissing. Nacha immediately divorced Francis, who did not resist, they separated quite peacefully, although Nacha gave him a scandal. Francis wanted to find comfort in you, but you also left him, justifying yourself by saying that you were going to another country and would not be back soon, Mosses wanted to keep in touch with you, but you left suddenly, just disappeared at one moment.

No, you were never a bitch, certainly you knew your worth and were a confident girl, but you never crossed the line. You could say you had feelings for Francis, but you never saw yourself as a wife, it wasn't your thing, you were a free bird and family wasn't your thing. And the real reason you left was fear that Francis would leave Nacha and then you'd be in her shoes. You left to let your feelings fester.

The long move did help you, and you no longer felt anything for Francis, so you returned safely to your hometown to continue your life here....

night, sadness ©2024

[cheriladycl01]

NBA/ NDA - Sergio Perez x SingaporeanOlympicBasketball! Reader

Plot: You were hot shit in Singapore and America where you played for a women's NBA team. As a professional whose also performed for the WBNA and for a home Olympic Team, you deserve a night out clubbing.

Credit to perstappen for the GIF

You'd just won gold for Singapore in Women's Basketball Team and you couldn't be prouder of you, your team and the support from your country.

You'd moved away from Singapore when you were 16 with your family to live in New York to be able to participate in the WNBA. You went to a high-school before getting into a college on a basketball scholarship. You played for your university team before being scouted for New York Liberty and playing with them.

Then you had the option in 2020, to start training for the summer Olympics in 2024 with a basketball team in Singapore, it was a lot of travel back and forth between American and Singapore to the point where you knew the first class air hostesses on all Qatar Airways flights.

Training for two separate teams was very hard however you had such a growth in fans over the past few years even being invited to the Met Gala and various other events that had you further in the eye of the media.

Tonight you were celebrating with the girls from your home team in Singapore. All your hard work had paid off and you were currently in one of Singapore's finest clubs.

You were at the bar, watching your friends dance with their partners who'd they'd invited along with them to see the game. You didn't have a special someone to celebrate with, just the girls but they of course were all occupied.

"What's a girl like you doing here by yourself!" a voice says next to you, making you look at the man who was sipping from a small glass he held.

"I'm not by myself, I'm with friends!" you explain looking over his soft features.

"Well, you've been here for an hour and you haven't spoken to anyone" he says making you laugh a little.

"So, what you've been watching me for the last hour? You want an NDA with me or something?" you chuckle not understanding this guys m-o.

"No, no I just thought I'd come over and say hello, I saw you win gold. Congratulations" he smiles offering you a drink which you take suspiciously until the bartender gives you a nod that it's safe.

"You were there?" you ask raising your voice a little above the music.

"Yeah, I was here for the race. Was given tickets from my team!" he answers and that when your drunk mind really looks over his features and you remembered seeing him on a Red Bull advertisement.

"Oh! You are a driver! In F1 right? Red Bull?" you ask looking over him again as you say it to make sure you don't sound stupid.

"Yes, how'd you know?" he asks with a laugh.

"You were on the can of my drink!" you smile, showing the can next to the JaeagerBomb you'd just inhaled.

"Both athletes then!" he smiles and you nod.

"Yep! How'd you find it with all the travelling?" you ask, knowing you'd struggled going between just Singapore and New York.

"It's hard, but seeing all the different places and people is what makes it so great" he smiles. The drinks start to get to you and in seconds you've grabbed his hand.

You took him onto the dance floor, letting your body do the talking as you danced against the man that was probably older than you'd normally go for but you'd had too many drinks to look at those fine details.

His dancing was awkward at first but eventually when he got into it you both weren't caring at the eyes or cameras on the pair of you having fun.

"Hey! We should so play one on one basketball one time!" you shout at him and he nods.

"I'll need your number for that handsome so i cant set a date!" you ask boldly and he nods, taking your phone and putting his number into it.

The rest for you and Sergio, was history.

y/user

Liked by schecoperez and lewishamilton

y/user: Clubbing after winning Gold met this random F1 driver? He brought me lots of drinks.

View all 376 comments

schechoperez: I'm glad i bumped into you when you were hanging out with your team-mates alone...

-> y/user: hey I was partying!

->fan1: no way did Checo find her alone in the club, ITS Y/N Y/L/N

lewishamilton: I didn't have this match on my 2024 bingo card...

->fan2: not even Sir Lewis Hamilton could predict hot WNBA female with Mexican F1 driver.

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[burntheedges-updates]

over again, chapter 5: staying over

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges Joel Miller x f!reader summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him and your whole family in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming. or, five times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse (and one time you did something about it) 18+ minors DNI chapter tags/warnings: fluff, flirting, banter, angst, implied heavy angst (sorry), kissing, pet names (darlin’, baby, honey, pretty girl), Joel calls reader a good girl, neck grabbing (no breath play), light manhandling, grinding, spit kink, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), p in v sex (no condom this time, he’s 56 and she’s 49, but use a condom, y’all), creampie, masturbation, praise kink, light anal play, face sitting, if I missed anything please let me know! a/n: Well, this is part 5 of the 5+1. I can’t believe it. Next week we have the +1, which is the epilogue. I’m sorry in advance for the first part. Check ao3 for notes to skip the smut. word count: 5.5k | series main post | series playlist | ao3 | ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4

Chapter 5: Staying Over

Boston, September 26, 2003 

Your phone rang at 6:30 AM, rudely interrupting a dream that involved Joel, no pants, and a very sturdy table. 

“...h’llo?” you mumbled into the receiver.

“Morning, darlin’.”

“Joel?” You yawned. “Baby, it’s 5:30 in the morning in Austin. Why are you calling me?”

“Well, baby, you see, it’s my birthday, but my fiance is all the way across the country in Boston at some fancy conference. I thought maybe she might like to help me start my day right, put me in a good mood before our daughter wakes up and makes me eat one of her culinary science experiments.” You heard what sounded like sheets rustling on his end of the phone and you started to smile. 

“Joel, she cooks the eggs that way because it’s how you taught her.”

He hummed and murmured your name. “Come on, baby.”

“You looking for a little phone sex, Miller? What are you wearing?”

He laughed, but he answered, “Nothing, pretty girl. What are you wearing?” 

As he asked, you were already kicking off your pajamas. “What a coincidence! Nothing here, either.”

“Mmm wish I could see it.”

“Just one more day, baby, and then I’ll be home and you can keep me naked in your bed all night.”

“That’s our bed, darlin’. For the rest of our lives.”

You smiled, just like you did every time Joel reminded you that you’d be waking up next to each other every day from now on. He’d done this a lot since you’d moved in at the start of the summer, taking advantage of your free time after the school year ended. Though really you’d spent almost every night together since he proposed in December.

“Well, tell me what you’re doing, baby. Or what you want me to do. What do you want, birthday boy?”

“I want you to touch yourself. Tell me everything you’re doing and how it feels. Can you do that for me, pretty girl?” You hummed, and slipped your hand between your legs. “Of course you can. That’s my good girl.”

...

Jackson, Spring 2024

(the same night you went to the bar)

You feel like you’ve lived a thousand lives since you met Tommy and Joel outside your house earlier. First the dance, then the panic attack, then the kiss. The almost-more-than-a kiss. Outside. Where people could see you. Your face gets hot again at the thought of it.

Slumped by your door, you tell yourself to breathe and calm down. You put your palms over your eyes and tilt your head back against the door, taking some time to breathe deeply and slow your racing heart. 

You’re afraid to let yourself think about it — you can feel the tears behind your eyes, ready to fall. You focus on your breath. 

It sort of works, enough for you to get yourself together and stand, starting to move away from the door. 

You’ve only made it a few steps away when there’s a knock, and your heart starts to race again. Your hands are shaking. 

Before you even open it, you know who’s standing on the other side. You barely pull it open a few inches before you see his hand appear as he grabs the side of the door, and then his arm as he pushes it open, and then Joel himself is in front of you again, moving straight towards you. He doesn’t even step inside all the way before he’s kissing you, the hand on the door pushing it shut and the other grabbing you by the neck. You wrap your arms around him, opening for him and deepening the kiss immediately. He turns and pushes you against the door, from the inside this time, palm flat against your collar bone. 

You gasp, chest heaving. Joel rests his forehead against yours. “I was standing in my empty house, frozen, and realized I had no idea what I was doing there, away from you.” He brushes his hands down your arms and around your waist, pulling you closer. “What the hell was I thinking? Can’t believe I kissed you like that ‘n walked away.”

You laugh, so, so relieved, feeling lighter than you have in years. “Me neither, baby.”

He turns his head, nosing along your ear and then down your neck, skimming his lips lightly across your shoulder. You shiver. 

“You got plans tonight, pretty girl?” He says it playfully, knowing you’ll pick up on it, that you’ll remember it too. It makes you laugh again and tear up at the same time.

“Just s- some cowboy who wants t- to get in my pants.” You know your lines, but you can barely get them out past the emotions bubbling up inside of you. You can feel him smirk against your neck. 

“Oh?” His left hand moves from your waist around to the front of your jeans, deftly undoing the button and starting to lower the zipper slowly. “And are you going to let him?”

“I dunno. You think he’s any good?” You’re smiling so wide it hurts. 

At that, Joel moves his hand inside your open pants to cup your pussy firmly, holding you tight over your underwear. You’re on fire, blood rushing in your ears. “You know he is, baby.”

You have to ask, even when all you want is to let him fuck you right there, against the door. You push your hands through his hair. “Not taking it slow after all?”

He softens his grip on you and brings his lips to your ear, resting his forehead against the side of your head. Your eyes slip shut. “We’ve got a lot to work out, sure, but I was standing there alone and I just realized I don’t want to spend any more of my life away from you, not if I don’t have to. Not when you’re right here barely 50 feet away from me.” He presses a kiss to your jaw, just in front of your ear. “I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you twice in this fucked up life, but I ain’t turning it down.” He brings his right palm up to cup your face. “We’ve never let fear take over before and I don’t want to now. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to do this together. I want you.” 

You inhale sharply and feel a tear run down your cheek. He sees it and thumbs it away. “What about you, baby? What do you want?”

You open your eyes, meeting his gaze in the dim light of your hallway. Your hands are in his hair and his hand is still cupping your pussy, holding you gently. You know he can feel how wet you are, just from this. You curve your hips forwards and watch his eyes darken. 

“Fuck slow. I never stopped wanting you, Joel. I want you to take me to my bed and make me forget the 20 years I spent without you in it. And I want you to do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and to keep doing it every night for the rest of our lives.”

His grip tightens on your pussy as he smiles at you, slow. You see a glimpse of that cocky cowboy who swept you off your feet in 2001 in the corners of his mouth and the tilt of his brow. 

So fast it makes your head spin, he pulls his hand from your pants and goes to whisk you away towards the stairs with his arms around your waist. He pulls you close to lean on him, taking some of your weight. “Let’s get to it, then.”

“Joel Miller! Let me walk. We’re going to need those ancient back muscles, in a minute.” He laughs. 

“Alright, alright.” He slides his hands to rest on your hips. “I know we’re old now, baby, but I bet I can still make you come at least three times tonight.” You laugh, even as you feel his effect on you running through your veins and pooling in your underwear.

“Big talk, cowboy. Don’t count on that everytime, not these days.”

He hums in your ear. “You know I’m good for it.” 

You grab his hand and pull him up the stairs behind you and into your bedroom, turning and sitting on the bed. He’s on you before you can move, pulling your shoes off and your pants down your legs and tossing them somewhere across the room. You take the opportunity to strip off your shirt, moving your hands to his belt once you’re done. 

He takes off his shirt and it makes you stop and stare, eyes roving over his strong chest and arms, somehow stronger than when you last saw him like this. You look up at him and realize you’re sitting frozen on the bed with your hands on his belt, and you smirk as you loosen it and then undo his jeans. 

He inhales slowly and reaches forward to brush his thumb across your lips as you pull him from his underwear, shifting your gaze from his face to his hard cock. 

You begin to lean forward, mouth opening, tongue darting out for a taste, when he catches you by the throat and your eyes dart back up to meet his gaze. He’s looking down at you with half-lidded eyes and a lazy smirk on his face. 

“Now, pretty girl, did I say you could do that?”

You squirm, so aroused you can feel the mess you’re making. “Please, baby?” You meet his eyes and run your tongue across your bottom lip. “It’s been so long.”

“You know I love that pretty mouth. But I think we should make sure of something right quick.”

You tilt your head, questioning. Not sure what he means. He shoves your shoulder, pushing you to back up and lie on the bed before kicking off his jeans and underwear and crawling over you. He lowers himself so that his cock is brushing your stomach and whispers in your left ear, “Only good girls get to suck this cock, baby, you know that. Are you still my good girl?” 

You breathe in so sharply it’s almost a sob, and clutch at him. “Yes, Joel,” you breathe. “Always.”

He sits up a bit and smiles at you, and you can see it all there in his expression. This man is the love of your life, and it’s still mutual. You still fit together like this perfectly. You close your eyes against the swell of emotion you feel at realizing how well you go together, even after all this time.

“I thought so. Why don’t you show me how good you can be, pretty girl, and touch yourself.” You immediately move to do as he says, and he leans to the side to watch. “Let me see you get wet for me, baby.”

“I’m already wet, Joel.” You feel him settle in next to you as he watches your hand move between your legs. He pushes your left leg up and to the side, opening you up for his view. 

“I want you so wet you soak the bed, baby. I want you so wet it feels like silk when my cock slips inside that pussy.” You moan at his words, watching him watch your hand. He sits up to get a better look. 

You open your legs wider and use your fingers to spread your folds with one hand while you start to tease yourself with the other. You move your fingers lightly from your hole to your clit, dancing around it as you watch his reaction. You know your body looks different now, but under his gaze you feel the same as you did every time he looked at you back then – beautiful, desirable. Loved. Like he looks at you and sees you.

You circle your clit, letting the feeling build just a bit before moving your fingers down to your entrance. You push your hips forward slightly, watching as he leans forward. You slip one finger inside and he licks his bottom lip, gaze intent. 

“So pretty, baby. Such a pretty pussy, always so pretty for me.” He doesn’t look away from your fingers as he says it. 

You slip a second finger inside you, starting to pump them in and out, but it’s not enough. Your fingers aren’t big enough, never have been, not after having his. You squirm a little, trying to go deeper. He sees your struggle and smirks. “You need help, pretty girl?”

You bite your lip, nodding. “Please, Joel. I need your fingers, baby, I missed them so much.”

“Yeah?” He smooths his hand up your leg, closer and closer to where you want him. “You need it that bad?”

“Yes!” You cry out, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Shhh, let me help you. I’ll give you everything you want, baby.” He pulls your hands from your pussy and pins them to the bed by your hips. He holds them here as he leans down, inches away from your open pussy, taking a good, long look. You squirm. “Joel–”

“Patience.” He nips at your thigh. “Let me look at you.” He does, and you watch him do it, helpless. “I missed this, so much. This right here.” 

He leans down and slowly licks you, tongue flat and mouth wide open, lingering over your clit and meeting your eyes. “You taste so damn good, baby, thought I’d never get to taste this again.” You revel in the feeling of his beard scratching against your pussy as he licks you again, slow. You feel yourself getting wetter as you clutch the sheets in your fists. 

He lifts one hand but eyes you, so you know he wants you to keep your hand where it is. He uses his fingers to spread open your folds, and looks down again, licking his lips. He looks up to meet your eyes again – you can feel yourself staring, mouth open, breathing hard but silent – and he smirks. “I don’t think you’re wet enough yet, baby.”

You know what’s coming before he does it, but the anticipation makes you squirm. He opens his mouth and lets you see him gather the spit on his tongue before he lets it slip off the tip, right onto your clit, exposed by his fingers holding you open. You throw your head back and moan. “That’s my girl.” With that, he leans back down, and puts his mouth to work right where you both want it. You buck your hips up and he pushes them back down with his right hand. “Easy, pretty girl. Let me get my taste of this perfect pussy.”

He takes both hands and throws your legs over his shoulders, returning his mouth to your clit and sucking lightly. You whine, and it spurs him on. “Fuck, Joel.” He reaches down with one hand to tease you at your entrance while the other reaches up around your leg to pinch your nipple as he takes your clit in your teeth. He looks up and catches your eye, keeping eye contact as his touch sets you aflame – twisting your nipple gently, sucking and tonguing your clit, and slowly sinking his finger inside you, all at once. You stop breathing for a moment, overwhelmed at the competing sensations.

Joel winks at you and then returns to his work. He thrusts one finger inside of you, curling it upwards at the end of every thrust. You’re astonished to feel your orgasm building, right then and there, so quick and so strong. You know he can tell – your breath speeds up and you clench your fists tight. Your legs start to shake and you clench down on his fingers, a second joining the first, fucking you perfectly. 

Joel plays your entire body perfectly, even though he hasn’t touched it in 20 years. It’s masterful, like he never forgot a single detail, and it brings tears to your eyes. Fuck.

You’re so close, but you’re teetering right on the edge. He smooths his left hand down your torso, pressing down gently on your pelvis. He lifts his head up, fingers twisting inside of you, and says, “show me how good you are, pretty girl. Come on my face.” 

And you do. He immediately returns his mouth to your clit, sucking on it, and it tips you over the edge. You haven’t had an orgasm like this in 20 years and it launches through your body like a rocket. It overwhelms every bit of you, body and mind, setting you on fire in its wake. You cry out and lose yourself in it.

You’re slow to come down but as you do you realize you’ve locked your thighs around Joel’s head.

He seems happy with his plight, though, as he continues licking at your hole, teasing his tongue up inside of you as he removes his fingers. Like a man dying of thirst, finally given water.

You open your legs and tug him away by the hair, overstimulated. “I missed the way you taste, baby. Even better than I remembered.” His face is glistening and his eyelids are heavy, dark eyes watching you. He clears his throat. “That was one. You ready for another?” He grins. You shake your head at him, and laugh, incredulous. 

“Show me what you can do, cowboy.” You’re breathless, boneless.

He turns his head and kisses your thigh, leaving a trail of moisture from his face as he moves slowly up to your knee. Then he licks, tongue flat, all the way from your knee back to your hip, where he digs in a little with his tongue at the crease of your thigh. You let your legs fall apart at the sensation. “I want you to give me another one, baby. Turn over.” You think you know what he wants, and your heart starts to race even faster. 

You sit up, a little unsteady, arms shaking, and turn over so you’re on all fours. He nips at your ass and you know it’s because he approves. You feel him shifting around as you hang your head between your shoulders. Then you feel his hands smooth up the back of your thighs and you realize he’s on his back, face right under your pussy. 

“Sit down, baby. Put that pretty pussy right on my face.” You shiver. You know he means it. He taps your ass when you don’t move right away. 

You lower your hips, sliding your knees apart on the bed and feeling them ache a little, sitting up at the same time. You look down and you can see him waiting for you, a wicked grin on his face. “That’s it, be a good girl and sit down right here for me.” 

He reaches up and pulls your hips down and you do. Back Before, you used to worry you’d smother him like this, until one night he made you sit down, weight dropped fully onto him, and he moaned louder than you’d ever heard him. He wanted you like that, all over him, smothering him, taking over all of his senses. You were happy to oblige.

You sink onto his face and you feel his mouth open to meet you. His tongue licks at you and then sinks right inside, smooth and soft. “Yes, baby,” you sigh. He twists his tongue inside and then closes his lips around your hole, kissing you there like he would kiss your mouth. And then he sucks, lightly, making your entire body shiver in response.

As you start to rock your hips he encourages it, squeezing your hips and pulling you up and down on his face, thrusting his tongue in time with your hips. His nose starts to catch on your clit and your breath hitches at every thrust. You moan, loudly. You start to lose yourself in it, head flung back, thrusting harder than you’d let yourself if you could think straight, but he moans in response and scrapes his teeth lightly around your hole. 

The noises he’s making are obscene.

Joel’s hands leave your hips and sneak around to your ass, grabbing both cheeks and squeezing. On the next rock of your hips he lets go with his left hand and lightly trails his fingers between your cheeks, touching the pad of one finger to your asshole. You whine and push your hips back to meet it. You can feel his grin at your response.

He uses his right hand to pull you towards his face while his left toys with your ass and his tongue continues to stoke the fire inside of you. You grab his right wrist with one hand and his hair with the other as you grind down on his face. He sucks at your hole and pulls down with his hands to hold you down. 

You throw your head back again, lost in the moment. Your orgasm is close, creeping over you, sending tingles down your spine. You clench around his tongue. “Fuck, Joel, your mouth. I’m gonna come, baby,” you whisper, overcome.

You don’t know if he can hear you, but you know he can tell. He always could, and he always knew just how to push you over the edge. He pushes you back a little with his right hand, and then tugs you back down, thrusting his tongue inside of you and curling it upwards. 

His mouth is open wide, so wide you feel it everywhere as he sucks at your hole and grinds his nose into your clit.The tip of middle finger just breaches your asshole. 

Your orgasm slams into you and you cry out, tensing all over and closing his head between your thighs. You clench on his tongue and his finger, holding him inside you in both places as the fire rushes over you again. This one is stronger but it passes more quickly and you find yourself toppling forward as it leaves you. You catch yourself on one hand, and look down at Joel.

He’s fucking wrecked, face covered in your juices, and totally blissed out. He looks like he’s achieved a higher plane of existence, eyes closed, breathing heavy and licking his lips. You both just breathe for a moment, completely winded. 

And then he opens his eyes.

His gaze immediately locks on yours, and he growls. It happens so fast you barely follow it, but suddenly he’s up again and flips you onto your back. “Never thought I’d get to have this again.” His voice is low and you feel it rumble deep through your chest. He pulls you down the bed by the hips, spreading your legs and wrapping them around his waist. “This perfect fucking pussy, fucking made for me.” His left hand comes up and wraps around your throat, just holding you, as his right reaches down to rest the tip of his cock at your entrance. You can feel it there, just barely pushing at you, notched in place. 

You gasp, overwhelmed, and beg him, “please, Joel. I need you.”

He leans over you, right hand coming to rest by your head, forehead pressed to yours as he whispers your name. “I want to live right here, in bed, with you. I want to pass my days with my face buried in your pussy. I want you to sit on my cock until you can’t take it, until you cry, until you forget what it feels like not to be full of me. I want you right here with me every day until I die. Just like we promised.” With the last word, he sinks into you, steadily, filling you all the way up until his hips meet yours. You sob and clutch at his shoulders. 

“I want you just like this. Beautiful and overwhelmed. Full of my cock. So wet you’re dripping. Needy and at my mercy.” He squeezes your neck gently, just the way you like. He leans down and captures your mouth, tangling your tongues together as he twists his hips a little, keeping himself fully inside of you. You taste yourself on his tongue.

“I want you, honey. What do you want?”

You reach up and grab his ass in both hands, squeezing. 

“I want that too, baby, want to do that, be that for you.” You take a deep breath and look him straight in the eye. 

“And right now I want you to fuck me, Joel Miller, and I want you to mean it.”

He grins wider than you’ve seen him, since you found him again. He looks younger and a bit wild. “That’s my good girl.” His words sink into you like a stone falling into a pool, sending ripples down your spine. 

And then he does.

He pulls out, almost all the way, and then pounds into you. He finds a rhythm and keeps it up, resting his forehead on yours and sliding his left hand behind your neck. You breathe each other in as you lift your hips to his, chasing the same high. You can feel it, dancing ahead of you, as his cock fills you just right with every thrust. He drops his head to your shoulder and moves his right hand down to your clit. “One more, baby,” he murmurs in your right ear. “Give me one more. I need to feel your pussy squeeze me tight.” You close your eyes and fall into it, letting him sweep you away. His hips speed up as his fingers match his thrusts in rhythm on your clit and you cling to him, just trying to hold on with your arms and legs. 

He’s pushing you higher and higher, just about there, and you squeeze your pussy tight right when he squeezes the back of your neck. He opens his mouth and bites down on your shoulder and your vision goes white. You clench around him, crying out his name, and his hips stutter as he follows you upwards and over. You hear him say your name, over and over again, as your orgasms slam into you both and then leave you loose and tingling in their wake. 

You’re both breathing hard when he reaches down to ease his cock out of you before flopping down on his back at your side. He groans. You can’t move your legs, and you tell him so. He huffs a weak laugh in response. 

Somehow Joel finds the strength to roll over and reach for his shirt, which he uses to clean you both up. You smile, knowing he’s going to be annoyed with himself for doing that in the morning. He flops back down and pulls you into him on his left, hitching your thigh over his leg and pulling you close with an arm around your waist. The position is at once so familiar, like an echo, and so longed for that it makes you dizzy.

“Not sure our backs ‘n knees are up for all that vigorous activity anymore, darlin’.” He’s breathless as he says it, and you can hear his heart racing under your ear on his chest.

You know he’s right - your pussy is throbbing a little and you know it won’t go that way every time, not these days. But you tease him anyway. “Speak for yourself, old man, I’m still young and limber.” He laughs. “Got seven years on you, anyway.”

He nuzzles into your hair, squeezing the wrist you’ve thrown across his chest with his right hand. “Still blew me away, baby, even if my back is killing me. Fucking made for me, I told you.”

You inhale deeply, and settle onto his chest. His scent is comforting and it settles something inside of you that hasn’t been settled in a long, long time. “Made for each other, more like. I missed you so goddamn much, Joel.”

“I missed you too, darlin’. Every fucking day. Even when I pretended I wasn’t thinking about it.” He takes a deep breath, pulling you closer. “I hope you weren’t alone for all of it. I – well, I –” You know what he’s getting at, so you interrupt before he can twist himself up into knots.

“I know about Tess, Joel. Tommy told me. I’m glad you had someone.” 

“Course he did. Well, I’m glad you know.” He sighs.

“I do, but Joel, I had someone too. For a little while, anyway. That’s why he told me, I told him first.” You take a deep breath. “It was in Atlanta. We were as much as we could be for each other, which wasn’t enough probably. But we did ok. She was…” You close your eyes, remembering Michelle. He brushes his hand down your back, soothing you. “She was good, and kind, even in the apocalypse when most of us were hard. Including me.”

“I’m glad you had someone. I wish I was there, of course, but I wouldn’t want you to be alone, all that time.” 

You nod against his chest, agreeing. “We’ll tell each other all about it, eventually.” 

He goes quiet for a moment.

“I didn’t let myself do it often, but sometimes I tried to imagine we were wrong. That you were alive. And what it would have been like if that were true.”

You reach over and grab his hand, squeezing. He takes a deep breath and continues. 

“What it would be like to just run into you on the street. I… well. I didn’t think about it often. Because I was pretty sure you would have hated the man I’d become.” You try to pick your head up to look at him but he brings his hand up to smooth over your hair, keeping you where you are. “I wasn’t… they were never happy thoughts. I couldn’t imagine a reunion where you saw what I’d become and didn’t turn right back around and leave me there. ‘N I would’a deserved it. So I tried not to think about it.”

“Joel, I-.” He interrupts, continuing like he’s afraid he’ll stop if he doesn’t. 

“In some ways I’m glad I found you now. I wish I’d known earlier, of course I do. But I’m more… me, now. I was a ghost, in Boston. I said barely living, but I felt barely human.” He pulls you tighter against him. “You wouldn’t have deserved being around me like that. No one did. Ellie didn’t, that’s for sure. Somehow she stuck around me long enough for me to remember how to be human again anyway.”

You push yourself up and don’t let him hold you down. Looking at him, you see that his eyes are teary, and he’s frowning. 

“Joel, I used to think about it too. And I worried the same thing - that I’d become something you wouldn’t want anymore. Someone hard, and mean, and unyielding. But neither of us were right, baby. I didn’t fall in love with only one part of you. I fell in love with all of you. And I think we both know how ruthless we might have become at times in the last 20 years, to survive.”

He closes his eyes and nods. 

“It was never a question for us back then, how much you’d do to protect us. How far you’d go. And I didn’t exactly shy away from it myself.” He huffs a laugh like he agrees with you, eyes still closed. You reach out to cup his face. 

“I know we didn’t get to say it back then, baby, but we would have said for better or for worse, and I would have meant it. That’s what I used to wonder about and try not to let myself want too much - to have you there for the worst of it. Not to have to go it alone.”

He finally opens his eyes again and he’s looking at you with not a little wonder. He brushes his fingers down your cheek.

“I forgot, for a long time, what it was like to be trusted like that. To be someone’s safe place. I couldn’t, or wouldn’t maybe, let myself with Tess, and, well. She deserved more than I could give her.” You can see the regret in his eyes, and it’s so familiar. You used to think the same thing about Michelle, wishing you could give her more of you, knowing there wasn’t more to give. Not back then. “I remembered it, with Ellie. It was hard as shit, don’t get me wrong.” You laugh a bit, and he smiles. “Thought caring like that would take me out for good. Feels like it sometimes, still. But I’m remembering how, with her. And now with you.” He tucks your head back down on his chest and pulls you closer, almost on top of him. 

You’re both quiet for a moment.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?”

“This doesn’t feel real. It’s too… I’m too happy.”

“I know. I feel it too, baby.” He kisses you softly right at your hairline. “I feel it too.”

...

a/n: See you next week for the +1/epilogue! It's... not short. lol

ch 6/epilogue now posted!

Taglist:

@morgaussy @jay-zzle @bluetattoos @dins-riduur-anthe @huffle-punk (@poodlebae just realized I forgot to tag you!! Sorry!!)

[ramberjambers]

I’m American.

I was born in this country years ago in a hospital, in a city, in California. I’m American.

I grew up watching PBS Kids and listening to music on my iPod with a Fruit Roll-Up in my hand, waiting for my older sister to come back home from soccer practice so I could ask her to play with me. I’m American.

When I was in middle school, my teachers taught me about 9/11. I came back home and told my dad about it, and he said that when he saw it on the news, he almost signed up to rejoin the military. For weeks after that, I wondered how anyone could ever kill so many innocent people.

A couple months after that, I learned about my great grandmother.

My great grandmother was not American. She was born in Ramallah, Palestine. The West Bank. She was kicked out of her home by soldiers, and had to flee her country to live in El Salvador. To make sure they would let her in, she changed her last name to Cortez. When I asked why she had to do that, my mother told me that countries don’t like Arabs.

My nonna is American. She is my great grandmother’s daughter, and she moved to the U.S. and got her citizenship a long time ago. She kept her last name as Cortez until she got married, because 9/11 happened and because countries don’t like Arabs.

My mother is American. She was born here like me, and she grew up in California for most of her life. When she was in school, the kids would make fun of her and my aunt by screaming “Watch out! The terrorists are here! I see a bomb strapped to their chests!”

I’m American. One time in school a teacher told the class to share our family histories. I told everyone about how my family was Palestinian. They didn’t know what Palestine was. I told them I was Arab. One student told me I looked too white, another asked me if I was a terrorist.

I’m American. In my freshman year, I found out that we still had family in Palestine. They’re dead now.

I’m American. One time I met a woman who came from Ramallah. I told her my great grandmother’s story. She told me that she hoped I could go home soon. She said it was beautiful, and that everyone is family there. I almost cried that day, and after that I would dream of what it would be like to visit my family’s home.

I’m American. In high school, I made a presentation about Palestine. I told everyone about the olive trees and the community, about our culture’s history with weaving and about the occupation. None of them had known we were dying until I told them.

I’m American. I watch as our news anchors spread lies about my people while they nod along to IOF representatives calling my family animals.

I’m American. I see photos of my people lying dead in the dirt, their faces white with ash from the bombs that killed them.

I’m American. I repost videos of little kids, younger than me, begging for food while they cradle babies even younger than them. I want to make people listen to them.

I’m American. Every time I see people drinking Starbucks or eating McDonalds I feel sick to my stomach and think about the family I used to have, whose bones lie under rubble.

I’m American. I want to cry when I think about the weapons our taxes fund, the families our money has killed. Families like mine.

I’m American. I want to scream at my representatives and my president, who see my people as nothing but statistics and the cries of their citizens as nothing but the buzzing of flies.

When I was a child, I wondered why 9/11 happened. I wondered how anyone could ever do something so evil.

It’s 2024 and I’m watching my people die.

How could anyone be so evil?

[teenytraveler]

ART VS ARTIST 2023!

Man, what a year! I read what I wrote for my previous art vs artist in 2022 and thought "wow, how positive I sounded!" A long text ahead - you have been warned!

This year truly was a mix of pure chaos and a quiet void at the same time. Many life changes happened in my first year of adulthood. As I tried to navigate myself in this new environment, I got to experience many things for the first time - I landed my first job, bought my first PC, got to take part in many weddings of my closest friends and family members, went on a trip to another country with my friends and got to meet my work colleagues.

I also isolated myself at home as my home became my work place, developed bad habits of spending all day in front of my PC, lost joy in the work I at first found interesting, lost faith in what I can do and in myself, too. Somewhere along the way, trying to make good, rational, adult decisions, I kind of lost myself. I felt left behind as people moved on to the next stage in their life. I wanted to do art but lost my drive for drawing. I gave up and quit my job, and now I'm slowly getting back on my feet again. I keep reminding myself that it's not the end of the world, even tho for so many people out there the end of their world is happeninig as we speak, every single day.

I came back with full force in December, my will to do art strong and steady, with new plans and goals forming in my head. I am still uncertain about many things I want to do, but I'll never know if any of them work until I try them, right?

Thank you for still sticking with me, despite me being in and out. Seeing my art getting noticed and seeing you reacting to it makes me so happy and warms my heart every single time! To every and each of you, from the bottom of my heart - thank you, for being here, reading this.

I don't have any expectations for the next year, just one request - dear 2024, please be kind to us.

(threw in some of the sketches undercut since I doodled so much in December!)

[lilly-chou-chou]

Your 20's the adult "teenage" years:-

Greetings, as of today in few hours a new year will begin and 2024 the year of dragon 🐉will start, before a new year begins I had few things in my mind that I'd like to talk about.

I have been in my 20's for quiet a while now and I always see huge rave about when you turn 25 a switch in your brain flicks and you see everything differently because 25 is the age when you fully develop your brain... But why does no one talk about the stages that lead up to you being 25?

When I turned 20 life felt so breezy and laid back, I was ready for a new journey and everything seemed so pretty but 21 felt so unhinged, obsolete and scarring plus years after that weren't so pretty either.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can be having the most normal and fun time but then all of sudden I feel like crying and my heart feels so heavy it might just spill out of my chest... I was hanging out with friends in my early 20's it was one of the most fun I ever had but as soon as I got home, I collapsed on the floor and started crying. I didn't know why I was crying or what happened but I just sat there and cried, I had such good friend circle and great family yet why was I crying? Why was I not happy? I felt so weird but tears wouldn't stop at all. That day I still remember I curled up in my bed and slept with a headache that came with crying a lot.

I fear so many things and one of them is never being able to do things ALL the things I love. I have always had a great and long list of occupations I wanted ro do before I die, I always knew want I wanted and how I wanted my life to be and when moving to another country was not in the option I cried and gave up, during that part of my 20's I never listened to encourage words because it felt like nothing could compare with my dreams, I was told I can still study in any European country but it wasn't about different country, it was about how for the first time in my life I had such a huge set back. My eyes we're locked in this one particular country and when I failed to make it there I lost hope. I didn't eat for days, I cried for 5 months straight, I never received sunlight so I had to live off of vitamin D supplements, my hair was falling down due to stress and no vitamin D, I broke ties with all of my friends and relatives, I only talked to my parents. I had no voice I was an insecure pathetic girl.

I always longed to be perfect, I think I might be slowly dying of having a blue heavy heart, I want to be the best but I also want to be unpolished and messy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2024, year of the dragon 🐉 please Chang E bless us with your infinite hope <3 💕✨ om mane pame om.

[hi18364]

Viv x reader

February 14th Valentine's Day me and Viv have been together for 2 year's we met in 2019 at the World Cup she was playing for her home country the Netherlands

she was in a relationship at the time we didn't stay in contact but we did speak when we played against each other in 2022 January transfer window i transferred from angel city to arsenal

we got close in the little time we new each other we developed feelings and 7 months later we where together  December 15th she ruptured her acl I was there for her 

the January transfer window arsenal sent me out on loan to Barcelona it's nice and all but we don't  get to see each other that much we talk all the time it's now 2024 and she has a game against London city lionesses she isn't in the starting 11 but she is a sub we have called and she sent me roses a card and my favourite hoodie ( one of hers) I got her flowers a blanket this thing she really wanted and a cup that said goat on the side as a joke

I've told her I can't be there because I have late training but I lied because I want to surprise her I've had help from a few of her team mates to pull this off

It's 2 pm and I need to be at el parat de liobeegat aeropuerto ( I don't know if that is how you spell it I hope that it is if it's not tell me and I will change it )  at 2:30 pm  Lucy is dropping me off at the airport so I don't have to leave my car there

2:10 pm

My phone pings it's a message from Lucy

Bronze

Hey I'm out side

Y/n

K give me a minute and I will be down

I throw the bag over my shoulder and lock the door rushing down the stairs and to the street I see Lucy parked out in front of my apartment building i open the door and sit next to her the air port is only about 10 minutes away I know I'm pushing it with the time and all but let's hope I catch my flight to France

Time skip to getting off the plane ( because I don't know what to write for that )

I walk off the plane and get out the building it's fucking cold I get in the nearest taxi and ask him to take me to the train station it's about 20 minutes away from the airport I get out thank the taxi driver then sit for the next train which is about 30 minutes out

Time skip the train

It's now 6:12 pm the train was a bit late but it's ok I'm only going to miss the first few minutes of the game I see Jen standing at the exit of the train station we hug then get in the car we get there about 6 minutes after kick off we go to the friends and family section I try to hide so she can't see me

In the 39th minute Cloé Lacasse scores the first goal of the game the In extra time Kim gets a goal 2-0 at half time I talk to some people that are there until the start of the second half

57th minute Cloé Lacasse gets another goal 65th minute Viv Leah get subbed on 74th minute Russo scores a goal the game ends 4-0

At the end the girls sine a few tops get pictures taken the they come over to us Viv see me and jogs over to me she crashes her lips in to mine for a moment then we hug each other tight I'm still a bit shocked that she kissed me in front of people usually she doesn't like to but I guess since we haven't seen each other for 4 months she missed me and I missed her she pulls back form the hug

" you told me you couldn't come because you had training " I bring my hand up to her face and move some of her hair from her Beautiful face I look in to her Bluey Gary eyes " I know I said that but I wanted to surprise you "

She gets called over for a press thing after she was done every she got her stuff and we went to her apartment

Skip to the apartment Viv was making food I was setting up the movie when she was done we eat over food and watched lady and the tramp after the movie was done I went to the bathroom and started a bath I let it fill up i light some candles turn off the light and call viv in we take off our clothes and get In she was behind me and we just sat and talked I look back at her and the only thing I could thing of is " I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman "

————————————————————————————

This is my first time posting on this app so hope I’ve done it right if not sorry

Stay safe drink water sleep

[corruptedplaylist]

act iii: final notes

edit: 4/9/2024: added some more stuff!!! i'll put this emoji 🫧 next to the new things so u know where to scroll.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I FINISHED MY FIRST FULL LENGTH FIC HOLD ON LEMME JUST THROW UP IN THE CORNER REAL QUICK

i am sooooooo normal rn anyways let's get into it thank u for having me on the show, mr. kimmel. i've had a raging headache all day so the content underneath each sections will be kinda short. i'll go through and add more to it once i recover but i wanted to get this up before the week got too busy!

krolia

guys…. im so sorry for the angst….. it was necessary for the plot…….

maybe it’s just me projecting but in the actual show, i kind of wish we had seen more of the emotional fallout that occurred after krolia revealed that she was keith’s mom. because let’s be real here, there’s no way that keith’s traumatized ass would just willingly accept her back into his life. he’d have questions. he’d be in disbelief. it’s hard for him to open up to others and he carries a lot of hurt from being abandoned.

it was crucial in the course of this fic to have that confrontation between krolia and keith. it's not always going to be rainbows and sunshine, and even though they both missed each other deeply, you don't just automatically connect and forget everything that's happened. even if keith hadn't gone into the foster system, he definitely would have carried a lot of anger and hurt towards krolia when she shows back up. i'm sure that things won't just be smooth sailing and they'll need to hash things out multiple times as they rebuild their relationship but that first fight was a big hurdle to get over.

if you’re curious, i have a whooollleeee backstory for what happened with krolia and why she couldn’t get back to her kid. i couldn’t really fit it into the fic but i’ll put it right here for those who are interested:

2000: krolia in the US on student visa, first year of of PhD program

krolia meets heath and they fall in love

2003: krolia gives birth to keith

2008: krolia finishes grad school/PhD program/doctoral degree and applies for a work visa 

2009: she and heath and baby keith are living their life but krolia’s parents find out and are like girl you need to come home NOW or we will disown you 

krolia’s family are really wealthy and powerful 

krolia: i’ll come back for you guys idk how but i will 

krolia goes back to the states

2009-2011: she and heath write letters but then the letters start getting intercepted by the family and eventually peters out

krolia in arranged marriage and thinks her partner forgot about her or didn’t care

meanwhile heath doesn’t know what happened to krolia but can’t do anything about it bc she’s in a diff country and he doesn’t speak korean

2011: heath and keith move to texas for job or whatever

heath tells keith all about krolia and how she loves him but can’t be there and obvi that fucks keith up bc he misses his mom but where tf is she? how does he know she loves him if she’s not even there? he's a little kid

2013: heath dies and keith is put into the system

heath has no other family members

krolia put her english name on the birth certificate and so ofc she doesn’t exist in the US

texas social services try to reach out to krolia along with some friends but letters are intercepted

2016: someone reaches out to krolia after she finally gets facebook 

friend: thinking of you. miss you. so sorry about heath

krolia: …. what the fuck about heath?

friend: uhhhhhhhh

krolia goes on rampage to her family like wtf u mean u didn’t tell me that the father of my child is dead

cousin shows up with the intercepted letters (official notice from social services, heath’s letters and pictures, keith’s little notes and drawings)

krolia starts the process of legally and financially emancipating herself from her family (she basically was Britney’d)

2017/2018: finally is free and able to get a job in the states

starts tracking down heath (they only had a forwarding address for krolia so they’re like wtf who is this bih)

at this point, keith has already met the shiroganes and changed his name

krolia is in a different state and can only do so much 

spends the next few years trying to find him, hires P.I., again keep running into blocks bc social workers and case managers are NOT going to budge on giving up keith's personal information

2023, winter break: krolia reaches out to keith through facebook but it goes into his spam since they’re not facebook friends

allura

what better allegory for sacrificing yourself to save the universe is there than graduating college? in all fairness, i felt like sticking to the notion of allura saying goodbye and leaving the group had its merit, just y’know, i wanted to take a step down from the whole dying thing. i tried to pay homage to the canon material as much as possible while also providing my own spin on things.

one thing that’s been important to me is depicting allura as a college student. sure, while i think most iterations of allura as a kind and a great leader and intelligent are great, even in modern au fics, i just wish there had been a bit more... silliness? outside of her being like the girlboss, the hell yeah supporting character or love interest or bone-tired leader, i always wonder what she would have been like if she hadn't had to save the universe and was just trying to heal on her own terms. yeah, i nerfed her parents in this universe but i tried to showcase her doing normal college things as well, like presenting at research conferences, getting a bit messy drunk, having pizza nights and group hang outs. the funny thing about grief is that life does not stop for it, so you have to just figure things out along the way.

i also didn't want to elaborate too much on her relationship with lotor. she didn't magically heal from that one conversation with lance in chapter 8 but i wanted the readers to get a taste of what was going on in her head through their dialogue. plus, it was a little moment to show how she was allowing herself to open up to other people like lance. no one woman is an island, no matter how much of a bad b!tch you are.

🫧 also, i wanted to include it somewhere but basically, keith knew allura and romelle were hooking up since chapter 14! keith caught romelle sneaking out of allura's room early one morning and he just kept it to himself because snitches get stitches.

pidge

they are so precious to me. they're an amalgamation of 2 of my closest friends, and well, me.

i always knew that pidge was going to be a super important piece in klance development. while lance and keith are great friends, i think pidge played a crucial role in bridging them together in the beginning, before the two of them had cleared up their misunderstandings and made that truce. sure, allura asked them to be on the paintball team but pidge really forced the two of them into close quarters. lance might have extended the offer to keith to hand out without pidge or he might not have. honestly, i'm not really sure. but pidge inviting keith to hang out in chapter 4 was a quiet but big moment because both keith and lance are friends with pidge and will set aside their differences long enough to tolerate each other's presence in a shared space. pidge just has #babyofthefriendgroup privileges.

🫧 i honestly think that after the main two, pidge has undergone the most growth (physically and emotionally) throughout the fic, even though they're a supporting character. we can all benefit from community and friendship but i think pidge needed it a little bit more.

🫧 i partially wrote pidge to represent my younger self, especially when i first attended college. i was scared and alone and i had never been away from home and it was a struggle to form new relationships (and figure out my gender identity. mannnnnn fuck that). it was nice to see pidge find their place and niche among the greater social fabric of college, kind of like comforting my younger self for all the loneliness and uncertainty i endured.

hunk

i love hunk so dearly. ngl, i wanted him to have a bigger arc than he did but hopefully i did a decent job at making feel more well-rounded as a supporting character. i decided to actually kind of lean into this distance in the later chapters as well, esp from lance's pov, as they both got busier. at the end of the day, though, i knew that those two would come back together. hunk is a kind and sympathetic friend and his and lance's friendship will persevere because they're good communicators. their little talk in chapter 17 was me talking to myself and to anyone else who has went through a similar thing where they find themselves drifting a little farther from a friend.

people get busy and that's okay! there will be ebbs and flows in every relationship. even though shared history is a crucial part of a friendship but it can't be the only thing that will keep it going. you need to nurture it and tend to it in order for it to keep it alive and flourishing. hunk understands this and he and lance will be just fine after their talk. hunk is probably the most emotionally intelligent person after adam in the group, and i'm glad he was there to help both lance and keith out when they needed it.

adam

this man!!!!! got i have gotten so fucking attached to adam throughout this fic. he is so dear to me. i know in chapter 10 i wrote from adam's pov and he's a goofy guy in his twenties who's just trying to be a good dad friend but somehow he ended up being a voice of reason and comfort for klance in this fic. lance misses his family a lot and i think adam can not only relate to lance with the homesickness but also lance has started to rely on him a bit like he would with his siblings.

i wanted to try my own spin on adam and keith's relationship. i've seen fics where adam and keith hate each other, don't interact much, or adam takes on a parenting role towards keith as a kid. i wanted to look at keith and adam in the context of two people who both love shiro and then grow to be good friends/surrogate brother-in-law? idk. long story short, adam is very emotionally intelligent and i think he genuinely wanted to get to know keith outside of his connection with shiro and was patient enough to coax keith out of his shell. i tried to write in small ways adam takes care of keith like giving him LactoJoys because Keith likes the taste better than Lactaids, being there for him for his panic attack, adding food to his plate. things that won't draw too much attention, because we all know how keith is about receiving acts of kindness.

i mentioned this in a comment under one of the chapters but all of the advice adam gives keith is either advice i personally received myself or something i wish i could tell my younger self. i hope those words bring you comfort as well!

shiro

i had a lot more planned for shiro but goddammit i had no fucking time or space at this panned out. it's more so klance's story than shiro's.

look, there's a small moment in chapter 18 where shiro is very pleased (and a little surprised) that keith has talked about him with krolia. it has less to do with his faith in keith and more with how he sees himself. shiro has already acknowledged that he has heavy imposter syndrome and deals with his own struggles with self image. it's just always a jolt to your system when someone (could be your own family or your partner of years) validates your relationship.

shiro loves keith very much and just wants to be the best big brother. he has such eldest child syndrome, where he tries to pretend that everything is fine even though things are actually crumbling around him. the thing is, though, you can't build intimacy— real, lasting intimacy and depth in a relationship— without being vulnerable. shiro understands that even though he wants keith to work on opening up, he has to do the same and reciprocate the actions, or else neither of them will really get anywhere and be stuck in that loop of "are you mad at me/i feel like you're hiding something from me/i don't really know who you are."

i tried writing a bit from shiro's pov but i quickly realized that that would drastically change the tone of the fic so i had to scrap it. i might post a little oneshot in the distant future with adashi, though.

keith

🫧 i've talked about this before but although i think keith grew the most as a character in the canon show, that shit was WAY too fast and off-screen. also, i know that the whole found family trope is what drew a lot of fans to voltron in the first place (like me) but is the found family in the room with us rn? i felt like they all started to fall apart or at least weren't as close as the show wanted us to believe. it felt a lot like telling with no showing. other than some occasional moments in the show, the whole #teamasfamily felt hollow.

🫧 i wanted to build on this potential found family for keith's character. he's never had a support system before and he's used to pushing people away but now he has a whole ass friend group that's ready to fight for him if he gives the word.

🫧 initially, when i was writing keith's pov and trying to get a feel for his voice and tone, i struggled a bit. keith is one of those characters that i liked and sympathized with, but getting into his head was a whole different story. i'm more of a lance kinnie but once i got the hand of keith's voice, it was a lot easier. some of my best pieces of writing are from keith's pov! i tried to be as cognizant of keith's development as much as possible as i wrote (think me having various checkpoints for his journey whereas with lance i could just coast on vibes), and i'm pleased with how far he's come.

🫧 although both keith and lance's progress can showcased through their consciousness and thoughts (like duh ur reading from their povs), i leaned into keith's behavior as a way to portray his progress a bit more than lance. things like him being more open to physical affection, not sitting on the outskirts of group dynamics and sticking to shiro, and allowing himself to collect things, which by the way:

🫧 i like the idea of keith's room, once being so empty and ghost-like, is now full of stuff, mementos of his relationships that he's built. i tried to sprinkle in some relics from past chapters (paintball flag, polaroids, ticket stubs), as well add some new tidbits, like shiro giving him a cacti and that korean cookbook!

proud of u, keith bby <3

lance and marco

no i did not just torture lance for the sake of torturing him i would never do that to my boy.

i know this is a fanfiction, but from the start, i wanted to ground this fic in reality and breathe some life into it. lance's little arc with his brother having a substance abuse problem was loosely inspired by events in my personal life.

🫧 i'm not saying that everyone goes through something as drastic as a loved one going to rehab, but as young adults, when we leave home for uni, jobs, other opportunities, etc, there's this worry that something bad will happen while we're away. and often times it does. someone gets sick, a beloved pet passes away, it's all bound to happen. your childhood becomes a thing of the past, and things that you thought would stay the same just won't.

i projected a lot of my feelings onto lance ngl, and writing him work through his own grief and guilt over not being able to be with his family when they're going through a crisis helped me process a little bit more.

although lance had a happier ending than a lot of families might get in reality, i still wanted to show lance having a support system at college and realizing that he has a second family to lean on, and people who love and support him. he doesn't have to pretend to be okay for anyone and that's okay.

black paladin lance or as close to it as i could get

it was so important for me to make lance the new captain of their paintball team, as a stand-in for the black paladin arc he could have had in the show. he’s always been a selfless guy who puts others first and really pulls up when he needs to. he deserves to be recognized for that. not only did every single one of his friends validate him, but the person he looks up to the most literally endorsed him. lance struggles with his inferiority complex and the election scene was a little feel good moment for me, personally, so that he could receive the acknowledgement he deserves, especially with his growth. he's gonna be an awesome team captain (he'll be shuffling down to shiro's room at 2am covered in hickeys and talking about paintball strategies).

wrapping up loose ends

i tried to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and give all the characters a proper send-off. originally i wanted lance and hunk to also move into the house in castle street, like repurpose the basement or something but i realized that that just wasn’t possible because most college basements don’t even have heating or like,,,, a livable arrangement.

ultimately, i think it makes sense for pidge to be the one to take up allura’s room at the house. pidge has lived a single during the academic year but they also had lance and hunk right fifty feet away so it’s not like they REALLY lived alone that year. there was also the logistics of the house having a vacant room, and as much as i would have loved to have all of voltron under the same roof (hunk and pidge sharing a room, keith and lance sharing a room), i think they would kill each other. pidge filling in the gap felt like the right move. and lance and hunk are gonna be over a lot anyways, so it’s not like much has changed in the trio's group dynamic.

🫧 what was your favorite chapter to write?

i think i have different chapters in mind for different reasons, even if it's a copout answer. here are the chapters that are dearest to me:

chapter 4: recalibration this is the chapter where i really got to play around with character interactions. keith and lance's worlds were beginning to integrate in chapter 3 but in this chapter, i got to explore different friendships, like keith & pidge and lance & hunk, and the dynamics they entailed. you can see how important these friendships are to both lance and keith, and how their connection with others eventually helps them to reflect on their previous feelings toward each other, like "hmm maybe i've been too harsh with the other."

chapter 10: let's go to the beach the group dynamics were so solidified to this point, and it was so fun to write. i loved writing from adam's pov and being able to zoom out and showcase klance's relationship progression.

the winter break interludes i waxed poetic about these in a previous faq but to reiterate: i'm really pleased with the way each individual chapter turned out. i love a good character study, and it was a great challenge to my writing and characterization to dig deeper into their home lives and see how the past confronted the present, where their respective childhoods were brought into the light, and how long-held notions of belonging, home, and identity were challenged and remolded.

chapter 17: warm and light my beta reader drunkenguac said that this was some of my best writing and i've been coasting off of that validation for the past 4 months. keith's reunion with his mother was especially cathartic for me. as an adoptee, writing this chapter honestly helped me work through some of my feelings about my adoption as i pictured what it would look like if i was ever reunited with my birth mother. i'm very fortunate that i didn't have to go through the same experiences keith did, but i tried to imbue as much humanness as possible into his section.

chapter 18: moving on it just felt like a proper send-off, the one that we never got from s8 of voltron. i wanted the last chapter to basically have this vibe of "hey, things won't be the same but it's going to be okay because we have each other." when shiro tells matt in the end, "we'll still be here," that's me as the author, telling you, the reader, that this fic will still be here whenever you want to revisit it. it was a comfort to write and i've heard that it's a comfort to read, which is so so so gratifying. when i set out to write this fic in august of 2023, i didn't have any plans of grandeur or even expect like more than 100 people read it— it was just a passion project that i decided to share, and i'm glad that others have sought safety in it. outside of fandom, this fic is a love letter to my own college experience. i remember reading a college au fic when i was still in high school and lonely and closeted and repressed and wondering if i would ever be able to get out of my hometown and find a community as tightly-knit as the fic portrayed it. in a way, i got to reflect on my college experience by writing looking out for you. i find solace in this fic when i read back over it, and i can see aspects of my adventures throughout my freshman and sophomore and junior and senior years, waving from behind a thinly veiled curtain.

anyways that's me rambling for now! thank you again to everyone who has tuned into looking out for you. this is the first piece of creative writing i've done in a long time, and i never expected to actually finish it. i'm so happy with the way it turned out and the love it's received. until next time!

[doulayogimama]

We made an official deal / plan on our cafe date 🫶🏽

We are TTC this summer as soon as I get my results from the allergy test and moving to Miami after Thanksgiving 🙏🏽

I’m going to tell my Mimi on her birthday - March 9th. She is going to be so happy and I can’t wait to see her face. I just told her last week that us moving back wasn’t going to happen because Kevin didn’t want to rent. But when I told K that I didn’t want to have more kids without my family nearby, he said he would rather rent + have another baby than build a meditation center right now.

I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before - how much it means to me to have my family with me for my next pregnancy + delivery. It feels like such a relief. I can’t convey how sad it made me to be apart from my family for most of my pregnancy. The heartbreak I felt that my family had to fly across the country when my daughter was nearly 2 months old and only got to see her for 5 days. My parents don’t have the flexibility to stay with me in NY for a month. My Mimi is too old and her husband is even older; he refuses to fly anymore. She can’t leave him because he freaks out that he’s going to die and she won’t be there.

My dad won’t fly anywhere — he has extreme anxiety.

My mom is single and lives paycheck to paycheck almost — she can’t be gone from work for very long.

Kevin’s parents are on sabbatical half the year (his mom is a tenured professor) and work from home (his dad is a lawyer whose cases are now done online). They spend half the year traveling and can do whatever they want. They can come to us, no problem.

I hated the city where I was born for so long but after traveling so much, I realize nowhere is perfect. But home is home.

I think when Sky is 5 and ready to officially enroll in Kindergarten, we will likely move back to NY. But we shall see! For now I’m just really excited for 2024 🙏🏽

[justjensenandhisalteregos]

Chapter 4 One Handsome SOB

(2024 cover, pic from Pinterest, cover made using Canva)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Marie, Dawn x Marie (besties)

Warnings: Lots of HSP crap poor Marie has to deal with, fluff for Dean and Marie, and the best bestie in Dawn. Chapter Four was not beta-ed, mistakes are mine. Also, reading cuts are still not showing up when I post, sorry. 😢 Just realized the cuts are there, my app just doesn’t like to show them for some reason🙄

A/N: I’m finally back doing what I love after about a year hiatus. Thanks to everyone that reads, hearts, and reblogs my stories. HSP does suck royally, I’m glad I found a way to write the things I deal with into this story. If ya’ll are curious about Hereditary Spasticity Paraplegia, give my other blog @HeavenlyHopeful0 a look, and give me some love there too if you want! X 🤍 Chelsey

WC 2,077

***

Dean’s POV

Walking into the war room I found Dawn doing something on her lap top. We had just got home from Wyoming late last night, I figured she and James were in the Family Business now.

“Marie is my best friend and she deserves the world, so I’ve got some ideas for you to ask her to be your girlfriend; hopefully more down the line. I know as hunters we are not awarded many good things in life but from the way Sam told me the story of Marie being the first thing you saw after waking up from the djinn coma, she deserves a special way of ya’ll starting a relationship. Let me know what I can pick up from the store.”

Dawn was showing me her Pinterest. It was a bunch of different easy meals to make for two.

I felt the corner of my lips tug into a smile as I replayed seeing Marie right after waking up from the lifelike dream.

“Dean Winchester. I swear to all things holy, you damn near gave me a heart attack,” Marie started as she was balancing with her right crutch and cutting the ropes with her left hand…

“That lazy lasagna sounds easy enough. Will you also get some of the red wine she likes and ingredients to make her Dutch apple pie that I love?” I ask looking at Dawn’s lap top once more. Dawn nodded smiling writing a note in her phone before closing her laptop.

With that, Dawn stood up to go find James.

***

Marie’s POV

Placing my air pods in my ears, I scroll through my Spotify music looking for some workout music. Country or 80’s rock I wasn’t sure. I was eager to workout some of my current frustrations.

My previous pt, Dr. Calvert had recently moved back to California with his wife to start his final retirement. He had been the head doctor of the neurology physical therapy department at UCSF back in the day, but had left the hospital to pursue working at a small clinic in Lebanon to be closer to his kids. So I had been sans physical therapy for a month.

Aunt Lynn ended up telling me of a therapist she had gone to see that she thought could be of some help, Tom Erheart. He wasn’t a neuro pt, but I figured I may as well see if Tom could help.

Boy, did he help!

He believed therapy was, “30% science and 70% art.” He practiced a massage technique called myofascial release.

I couldn’t begin to figure out the proper way to explain to Sam, Dean, or anyone what or how exactly Tom did it, but the way he worked his hands over my plagued muscles and quieted my overactive nervous system, was nothing short of a damn miracle.

All that came to an abrupt stop when his office called and cancelled not one, but a month’s worth of pt appointments because he had surprisingly had to undergo open heart surgery. My body craved to be at Tom’s for pt.

With another heavy breath I pressed play and Ain’t That Some by Morgan Wallen began playing into my ears. I was a bit worried because lately I had become more sedentary than I should be and it was wrecking havoc on my body, plus my right wrist had gotten carpal tunnel from the pressure I put on my wrists from using my rollator; but I took a deep breath and put my big girl panties on. I knew I needed to keep frighting, keep moving my body or my body would become even more brittle and weak.

After managing to get a measly 5 minutes on the elliptical, I breathed deeply and told myself, I’d try again on Friday. I carefully step off the machine and went to lay on one of the yoga mats Sam had recently purchased. I needed to stretch my hip flexors. After laying for three minutes, I realized my back had spasmed and locked up leaving me stuck on my stomach.

Doing my diaphragm breathing like Tom had taught me from before, it calmed my nervous system enough to grab my phone from the fanny pack I wore when working out, to text Dean.

***

Dean’s POV

Worry etching my thoughts from Marie’s text, I hurried to the gym that was next door to the war room to find Ree on her stomach. I could hear her doing he breathing exercises and closed the space between us in a few steps. I knelt down and began to rub her back in slow but firm circles to help her back muscles release their vice like grip. After a few minutes, Marie released a breath I hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Ahhh…. Thanks Dean, that was a nasty spasm.” Marie sighed out after rolling over on her back looking up at me.

I glanced at what she was wearing. A Victoria’s Secret sports bra that didn’t leave much to the imagination, spandex short shorts like volleyball players wear, her fanny pack, and a cheap pair of sneakers she had recently bought online. Her long chocolate brown tendrils pulled on top of her head in a messy, but oh so sexy bun. Her big emerald eyes, that my own rivaled, looked right into my soul.

“Dean…. What do you think?”

I blinked coming out of the daze I had just been in. I saw Ree had her arm out.

“Dean, can you please help me up off the floor?” She asked expectantly.

“Oh, sorry Sweetheart.” With ease I pulled Ree up and helped her to her walker.

Giving my cheek a kiss, she told me she was going to shower and get ready for the day.

***

From the gym, I ran into Dawn as I reached the kitchen.

“Hey, Dean, I just got back from the store and they have everything you need to make lazy lasagna and Ree’s Dutch apple pie.” She smiled at her job well done as I helped her put away the food.

“I also picked up lunch for everyone so once Marie is ready we can all eat together then we will be out of your hair til tonight to give y’all some much needed alone time.” Dawn smiled. I had quickly began to see why Dawn and Marie were so close, they loved each other like sisters.

“Before I forget, I wanted to tell you something else,” Dawn added.

“You know that amethyst Claddagh ring Marie wears on her right ring finger?”

“Yeah the one I always told her she shouldn’t wear hunting.” I smirk rolling my eyes playfully.

“Yeah, make sure to take it off her finger and replace it so that the amethyst heart’s point is pointing at her. It’s means that she’s in a relationship. That’s always been a dream of hers, to have you turn the ring on her finger. “ Dawn smiles sweetly after sharing that information.

“So how does she wear the ring now?” I ask genuinely curious.

Dawn smiled as she answered.

“The heart pointing outwards means she’s open to the world, single.” She smiled again.

Just then Marie came into the kitchen freshly showered and smelling wonderful. I looked at her and smiled.

“Hey Ree, I ran to the store to pick up some food to stock the fridge and brought back some stuff to make sandwiches.” Dawn started.

“I need to actually take a seat, my spasticity has been giving me the hardest time today. If someone brings some of the sandwich stuff to the table, I can make my own.” Marie said with a smile.

“Also, before I forget, James and I are taking Franklin out to a movie and dinner tonight. Sam said he wanted to come so it’ll just be you two after lunch.” Dawn said hiding her smile.

“Oh, hmm. Alright, I’m sure Dean and I will find something to do. Thanks for doing the food run this morning, I was going to put in an order for pick up after lunch today.” Marie thanked Dawn.

With that Sam, James, growing little Franklin, and Little Foot all found their way to the kitchen for lunch. Sam, Dean, and Marie all shared a smile at having such a full, lively home filled with love.

***

Dean’s POV

After the other’s had left for their day out, it was just Marie and I.

“Wanna go stream Prime in the Dean Cave?” I asked her.

“Sure what are you in the mood for?” Ree replied.

“Oh, I’ve got a couple things I have to do around the bunker.” I saw Marie’s face fall.

“Oh, okay. Maybe I’ll start that show called The Boys. I’ve been meaning to see what that’s all about. I’ve seen that one Supe, Solider Boy, all over the internet, he certainly is one handsome SOB.” Marie smirks when I look at her, knowing she’s teasing me.

I playfully roll my eyes as she turns and heads for the Dean Cave to watch tv. Once she was out of the kitchen, I started taking out the ingredients to make Ree’s famous Dutch apple pie. I searched through my phone for the file I had Ree send me of the recipe.

Once I had the pie assembled, I stuck it in the oven to bake. I went to the fridge and saw Dawn had also bought more beer, she was a Godsend. I cracked one open and pulled up the lazy lasagna recipe that she had sent me earlier while getting out everything I needed for that.

I made quick work of putting the dish together, I knew, Marie would soon smell the pie so I wanted to make sure all I had left to do was put the lasagna into the oven along with the garlic bread and broccolini that Dawn had picked up. I wasn’t sure of the green stuff, not being used to much vegetables in my hunter diet.

“Oh my goodness, is that Dutch apple pie I smell?”

I could hear Marie’s feet sliding behind her rolling walker into the kitchen.

I laughed.

“That would be correct.” I smiled looking at Ree.

“Awh, I could have came and helped you.” She walked over to me as I pulled out the pie and replaced it with what we were having for dinner.

“Oh, what’s this?” Marie asked pointing to the oven.

After shutting the oven I closed the distance between us placing a kiss to her temple as I pulled her in carefully by the waist.

“That, Sweetheart, is our dinner. I’m finished with what I needed to do so I wanted to talk to you.” I said, my body facing her and leading her to sit across from me at the table.

“After you kissed me, that’s all I could think about. I needed to kill that jinni so I could come home to you.” I started noticing Ree was attentively listening so I continued.

…“Sure Sweetheart.” I replied grabbing your face. I kissed you long and hard, more than ready to kiss the real you and make you mine. Thinking quickly, I go out to the garage and shut the door. Opening your SUV, I pressed the engine start button, knowing the only way out of this wishful dream was to commit suicide so I could get back to reality to kill the damn djinn.

“I’m coming home to you, Sweetheart.”

I finished rehashing the dream the Djinn had given me only a few days ago.

“So, we’ve lov- liked each other all this time?” Marie asked gently. Taking her right hand, I slid her Claddagh ring off and turned it, replacing it for the heart to point towards her.

“Marie Wilson. You are the woman of my dreams, and I love you.” I smile pulling her in to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

[barnabyseyelashes]

2024.. we finished moving into our own home yesterday. we bought a place in a mobile home park i’m a trailer park gay now. leaving the dogshitpisshell we left in 2023. and we have the duckies!!

i’m still so. tired. but i’m happy. i didn’t realize i was so miserable for so many months. like summer and on.. it just sucked. we felt obtrusive, like burdens, and couldn’t cook anymore.. like living with a woman i have known since middle school? fine. living with her, her mid 40s bf, and his three fucking kids? in a 3bd, 1 of which we rent? hell no lol. they never even introduced me, it’s been months but i don’t know those kids names. living with drunks esp drunks with children and dogs.. no. no. friday there were 6 separate dog shits in the bathroom that used to be ours and it’s like 6 sims tiles, including the tub.. it’s mad disgusting. so happy to be done. sad my “friend” is such no longer, hasn’t been. she has seemed unhappy this last year and well like hm maybe you shouldn’t let a man 10+ years older than you just raise his 3 kids like 1 week into dating. just a thought. but whatever, she has a broke dumb shit man to drink with and 3 kids who ain’t hers to mind. (they don’t mind them—the abject neglect was so painful to watch. imagine being under 10 years old and your family gives so few fucks about you, you can stay up watching yt until 4 am. on a school night. this was a regular occurrence. there was one day she wasn’t home and her bf didn’t even change his kids into pjs. they laughed. we were horrified.) quite sad, she could have been a much better, different person. she was my first romance when we were 14; it didn’t last long, we were too different. so i shouldn’t be surprised we are still too different to be friends. (still thinking about how she said it would be so embarrassing to be on tumblr these days). there’s still old pics of me and a bday card i made her in the old place from high school. they were there before us, and only they shall remain.

our new place is great, one town up from mine, and smaller. more average people here. no blue lives matter flags. it’s gonna be $$$ to keep it, lot fees alone are rent for apartments in other parts of the country, but she’s ours.. 1600 square feet, 2bd, 2ba. backyard big enough to keep the duckies as emotional support animals. it’s 70s but reno’d, roof is new, porch turned into an extension. vaulted ceilings, carpet only in the bedrooms, full size kitchen !! huge closets. we will set up the extension with art and craft tables, wife will have room in the main living space for an office. it’s gonna be really nice to unpack for the first time in 2 years. come visit !!!

most importantly is we don’t have to mask at home anymore, and the bathroom is accesible so i’ll be able to get my hysto done. i need it too, jesus i was so skinny post covid and now i’ve chunked back up and then some. like i just want my fucking clothes to fit and stop cramping and breaking out and having mood swings. so that will be good..

sláinte agus áthas to you all in the new year 🙏✨💕

[ellcrys]

15 questions

Tagged by @itstimetodrew~!! Thanks for the tag!! ☺️

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, I don't think so! I think my parents just went through the list of baby names for girls and settled on Joanna lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhh... I teared up watching one of the episodes of Blue Eye Samurai a couple days ago but the last time I Cried was on my flight back to Boston last Friday rewatching episode three of The Last of Us lmaoo. (I was like SURELY I won't cry on my nth rewatch... #rip to me)

3. Do you have kids?

*Puts on my meme hat* What am I a child bride?

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Swimming and soccer growing up. I did ballet for like a year or two also when I was like 5. Since graduating college I haven't really done any sports, just working out at the gym pre-pandemic and then at home since the pandemic, although one of my friends is trying to start a pickup soccer group which I'll probs join if it takes off. Do want to get back into swimming again also. That's on my 2024 todo list. I've tried running as a hobby enough times to know that I suck at it and that I hate it lmao.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Does anyone not? lol

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Hmm, probably their outfit; I enjoy seeing people's different styles!

7. What's your eye color?

Brown <3

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings!!

9. Any talents?

Ugh, no?? I can't think of anything lol. Being a procrastinator and the ultimate lazy bum (only half joking). idk man, I used to be proud of my writing and amv skills but I haven't seriously tried to write anything in probably a decade and I don't think I'm ever getting back into making amvs lol. Letting things go/being resilient maybe? I'm at the point in my life where everything is just 'it is what it is', but I think I've always been good at moving on from things tbh. Life's too short to dwell.

10. Where were you born?

Wisconsin of all states lol

11. What are your hobbies?

Nothing creative anymore, that's for sure (#rip). Uh, I love going out and doing things. I'm the furthest thing from a homebody so being trapped at home during the pandemic drove me nuts. Things I do on the regular include visiting independent bookstores, art museums, and seeing shows. I try to travel/see someplace new on the regular, whether that's going out of state/country or walking through a new neighborhood in the Boston area. I love eating, definitely a foodie. I read a lot (more fanfic than actual lit these days whoops) and watch a lot of tv. I also enjoy just walking around and people watching (will frequently walk around the neighborhood/city without any real purpose in mind as I go crazy if I'm cooped up in my apt for too long). I also love sending snail mail and exchange postcards monthly with a friend in London, and send holiday cards/postcards to family/friends when I travel. I guess documenting my interests on Tumblr can also be considered a hobby considering how much time I spend on here lmao.

12. Do you have any pets?

No, but I plan to adopt a cat when I (hopefully) get my own place!

13. How tall are you?

5'4" :')

I'd love another two inches... just two measly inches :')))

14. Favorite subject in school?

Growing up, probably math. I was good at it, and I loved how logical it was. I also really enjoyed chem, probably because it was the most math adjacent science (hilariously though, I hated physics). In college obviously computer science, my major. Though I've always loved my literature classes also.

15. Dream job?

Man I'd love to open and own an independent bookstore/cafe. Dream job for real.

Tagging (if you want!) @lordsardine, @goldshitter, @akechikurusus, @popflythesky, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[jeonqkooks]

hello, jen love 🤍 i'm a few days late, it seems like hehe ;u; i'm sorry for not popping in sooner, and more frequently, but i hope this letter of mine finds you sweetly and serenely.

how has the new year been treating you so far? do you have any resolutions, any aspirations you'd like to achieve this year? how about places and people to see, things to do?

secondly, how was your trip home? i hope your family has been well and healthy. what did you get up to there — did you eat all the foods, shop all the shops, walk all the streets? i hope you felt rejuvenated there, a little soul reset — i recall seeing a post or two from you, saying you miss home/your mom after coming back... i hope that part of yourself has healed, even if just by a bit.

and in the land of minho, how has that gentleman been fairing on your heart? has he been holding it tenderly? has he been loving you dearly? i certainly hope so! (every time i see a mention of him anywhere, and the group, i think of you hehe) may the stay fandom (stayblr? i saw that mentioned when i scrolled through your sideblog! what a cute name 🥺) be a safe place for you, warm and cozy.

i miss you, and am thinking of you extra. continue to stay well and happy, however that may look like to you. surround yourself with light and love; and may that carry you through the rest of the year seamlessly.

thương thương, with all my heart —

cee 🤍

MY LOVE 😭🤍 i’m so glad you’re here, i’ve missed you 🥹

the year’s been going okay so far. i’m still settling back into my routine after being back home and then having my friend visit me for 10 days over the holidays. i never really have new year’s resolutions but this year i do want to get out of my comfort zone more, get out of the house more lol, start doing more things that make me happy. i also want to get a new job and move to a new country, so hopefully that could be in the cards for me this year!! wbu? do you have any resolutions for 2024?

the trip home was good!! overwhelming at first bc so many things were different after 4 years, so many people i hadn’t met in years, it did take a while to get used to. but overall it was really nice being there. i definitely felt recharged while i was there, just hanging out with everyone and seeing all the things i missed, and i’m gonna try to visit once a year from now on! but yeah after coming back, it was pretty hard at first. the seasonal depresshaun and the loneliness got to me lol but it’s better now. it kinda sucks to think that i’ll probably experience it again every time i go home but what can you do, yk? 🫠

how’s your family? how are things with you and your love? how’s the job?

the land of minho !!! 😭 i didn’t know you’ve been checking out the new blog as well hehehe. it’s been going great!! i’m having so much fun there (knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood) it’s been a blast getting to explore and swoon over a new group, really reminds me of how happy i was during my early bangtan days. it’s really made me fall in love with writing again which feels wonderful. i think i’ve been writing almost every day and i’ve written more in the past couple months than i did for the majority of 2023. mimo has been the best muse and the absolute love of my life 🥹 (and right?? stay is such a cute name!!)

i’m always missing you and thinking of you. i hope 2024 treats you well (lunar new year is less than a month away!) and brings you lots of happiness and peace. love you to the moon and to saturn, thương thương 🤍

[klarkkent71]

Europe, Returning to America, Upcoming Move, and Future Planning :)

4-26-2024

I haven’t blogged or just had a moment of peace to really share my thoughts buts since I was released early today from work and pretty much have a free day, I figured now would be the perfect time.  Since my last upload from here I just returned from Europe but never really shared anything so I’ll just break everything down into sectors.

Europe

Last year I spent 5 months in Europe as part of my job and it was blessing because I was exposed to so much.  I had the opportunity to be TDY there which included having my own car, living in a hotel and making $100 extra a day to cover my food expenses.  Of course, my priority was always on work and doing the best I could but I took advantage of every opportunity I could outside of work which included some awesome travels to other country.  I was able to check Paris France off my list which always been on my dream list and visited Germany, and Prague as well.  Poland was also an awesome place to live.  The food and activities there were cheap and the local population were friendly.  I enjoyed going out to explore and interact with people and I valued how easy-going things were over there compared to life in America.  At restaurants tipping isn’t expected a norm there but I did it anyway.  When eating there the restaurants are not trying to rush you and you can literally sit and enjoy all day If you want.  The public transportation was also great and you’re able to take a train or plane to many places without having to spend a lot.  The only thing I hated about most the places I was able to go was the language barrier.  It’s only a handful of people that could truly speak English good but it was great interacting with others using mobile apps.  Maybe I’ll share photos and videos of my full European experience one day.  With the extra income I was able to buy my life membership into Kappa and continued to build up on my savings and stock investments.

Returning to America

Coming back to America was great and it’s truly no place like home.  When I arrived back, I took some personal time to regroup and I proceeded to attend two events.  One was my college homecoming which I missed out on for a few years and seeing my friends and peers from college is like a family reunion.  The second event I attended was Carnival in Miami.  It’s nothing like dressing up and just enjoying vibes with people from across the United States and Island.  You will be on your feet walking for a while If you join a band but I’m glad I was prepared and knew what I took to survive in hot environments. 

Upcoming Move-Thoughts of Retirement

In July I will be moving to my next duty assignment.  I have 18 years of service altogether and 14 years of active duty.  In those 14 years of active duty, I have moved 8 times and I am truly numb to it by now.  I look forward to just enjoying the vacation time at home but these moves never get easy.  But the time I really start to get settled I have to be uprooted from my job and start over somewhere else.  I have also come to the realization that I am on the downturn of my career.  I will probably serve anything from the next 5 to 8 years and that will be it for my time as a servicemember.  The Army has truly been great to me but I look forward to the next steps in life.  I’m still torn between getting out and going to law school at home in Louisiana, starting my own logistics business, or taking on a job as a contractor or government employee.  As long as I stay out of the trouble the sky is truly the limit.

Financial   

For the first time since 2009 I am debt free and do not owe anyone or any business a thing.  I was able earn educational degrees and was getting paid the whole time to it.  I had multiple angles as a service member to not pay any student loan back and the first one finally came thru and wiped everything away.  I also have no vehicle payment either.  My last car and truck I bought off the showroom floor and had it financed but, in the future, I plan to just pay everything upfront and shift my focus on enjoying life experiences vs having a really nice vehicle. 

The next time I blog I will be settled in at my new home and settling in my next job.  I just ask that ya’ll continue to leave me in your prayers and I will be doing the same for all of yall.

[phalgun]

10 years later

In 2014, I wrote a post about an interaction with a friend who was talking to me about his dilemma around moving to US for his masters or not.

Weirdly, the blog blew up (relatively). I even had Tinder matches coming up to me mentioning that post. I quite enjoyed my brief stay in the spotlight.

It is 2024 now. The said friend and many many others in my batch and in my circle of people have hence moved to the US and are settled there. And an equal number of my friends have stayed back in India, including me.

The blog post basically called for people to introspect on what they wanted to do with their lives, what do they like doing, and not just commit to doing things just because everyone else around them was doing it. It resonated with a lot of people, even when I posted about it regularly over the course of the last 10 years.

But, I have wondered multiple times in the last 10 years if me choosing to take the route less taken, has worked out or not in my favour. And where would I be, if I had also moved to the US via a masters degree.

10 years is a good time to now share what I think about what 23yo Phalgun decided to do. Am I happy with? Would I change anything over this period. And would my advice still stay the same, 10 years later.

This is a great time to write about this as I just came back from visiting the US where I spent a good time with many of my friends, staying at their houses, helping them with chores, hanging out at their workplaces, or places they frequent. This helped me get a good sense of what typical life in the US would be, for someone who has moved there.

To be honest - there have been times I saw a real tangible difference to what it would have done to my career. Startups in the US are a different beast, and some of the problems they work on are, as cliche as it might sound, futuristic. The work culture in US startups has plenty of positives. Whereas startups in India, tend to have their own dynamics and I'm not a fan of certain aspects of it. I strongly believe US startups > Indian startups.

After 30 years of living in the same city, I have now built an excellent ecosystem of friends & family around me that I'm really grateful for. But that is also my handicap - would I be able to build something similar in a new city, from scratch? It is a challenge, I'm curious to know if I would have cracked it enough to have a similar lifestyle and ecosystem around me in a new country.

I moved out of my parents home after 30 years. And within 3 years, it has taught me a ton. I went from not knowing what a tadka is to being able to cook food for myself and adult in other areas. This character development could have helped loads if I had put myself in it 10 years ago.

US tech salaries are out of the park. It has the highest savings rate across all geographies (I have done the math). This would mean I could potentially retire MANY years early.

Being in India, around my family & friends - the familiarity of the surroundings, the acceptance of the society, and the briliant brilliant food that is Indian food has its benefits that you recognise only when you are away from it. But most importantly, the quality of life that a high paying tech job offers in India is definitely superior to the average India. I wish more Indian techies are mindful of the privilege and quality of life that our careers have afforded us. I grew up urban middle class and I now live an urban upper class lifestyle, bringing upward mobility in my quality of life. India is a great country to live, if you are rich.

But more importantly, being in India also allowed me the freedom of mobility & flexibility in my career. I switched tracks to product management from engineering in these years, without an MBA. It would have been unlikely I got to do something like this being in the US where your visa inhibits easy career or company switches.

This meant that I also got to take sabbaticals at regular periods of time. I am currently on my 3rd sabbatical, and it comes from multiple things working out in my favour. Something that I find very hard to happen, elsewhere. Also random side note, living in the same city as your family meant vacations were for going away from home, than going home.

Overall, there are multiple ways my life could have gone if I had taken a different path. And some of them would have been great and some worse.

But I think once you know what you want your life to be, working towards it is the harder part of the puzzle. The drive to make it happen is bigger and more important than the choices you make. If you are a person with the drive, you would make it irrespective of being in India or elsewhere. I think I would have carved out a niche for myself if I was in the US. Or, I would have had built a family around me. Whatever the path, I would have made the most of it while working on being happy.

That's how I look back at it, 10 years henceforth. Maybe, I might have a differing opinion in 2024, but for now - I'm happy with how things turned out.

Work towards knowing what you want + achieving the same is more fundamental than what your life turns out because of the choices you made. The drive to live life the way you want is independent of the choices, and shouldn't deter you from getting to where you want to be.

To summarise, choices are just driving functions into your journey. What you feel and do during this journey is what matters, and what you should pay attention to. Everything else will fall in place.