#I want new internet friends so badly

[vaehloveslando]

Love From A Music Video | Charles Leclerc smau.

pairing: Charles Leclerc X Singer! fem ! reader.

face claim: Sabrina Carpenter.

based on this request: Hi, how are you? Sooo i was thinking maybe a smau where Charles is dating a singer and he's playing the guy who Milo was (in Sabrina carpenter's Feathers music video) and this breaks the internet even more and this leads to them dating ??? idk, just like a really wholesome one where she was his celebrity crush like Taylor and Travis's relationship. Sabrina carpenter as a face claim if this okay and thank you.

warnings: badly translated french!

yourusername

liked by oliviarodrigo, charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 998,245 more.

yourusername very excited for y’all to see what I've been working on💋.

46,933 comments

user8 so nobody else see’s Charles in the likes?

user2 oh no, we see it. he tryna be slick.

user6 yall remember he said she was his celebrity crush?

user5 omg user6 , i forgot about that

Oliviarodrigo so exciteddddd

liked by yourusername

Yourbestiesusername soooo, who’s the dude?

yourusername you come into my comments just to start stuff 😐.

user9 wait… is that charles?

user3 you assume it’s Charles from a sliver of a shoulder?

user9 let me be delusional in peace.

charles_leclerc can’t wait to be able to listen!

yourusername i can’t wait for you to hear it:)

user16 charles…honey, what are you doing here?

user5 OMG IM SO EXCITED. WE’RE FINALLY GETTING NEW MUSIC

liked by yourusername

pierregasly liked by pierre gasly.

yourusername such an honor to have you like my post😁

user7 ooo pierre and y/n???

user10 can women and men not be friends ??

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, sza, and 1,679,234 more.

yourusername feather out now💋.

34,690 comments

charles_leclerc thanks for letting me be apart of such an amazing project ❤️.

yourusername thanks for being my boy toy in my music video ❤️.

carlossainz55 i would like you to know that Charles is giggling right now.

yourusername oh really?

landonorris he’s not lying. i just walked past Ferrari and heard him.

charles_leclerc HES LYING. HES A LIAR. HE LIES.

carlossainz55 i have proof. i can send it to you?

yourusername please do😂

charles_leclerc i feel betrayed.

user3 “Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch You fit every stereotype, Send a pic.” your honor, i’m afraid she ate.

user6 okay now announce y’all are dating before i contact Ferrari strategist.

lewishamiliton song was amazing, yourusername 🩵.

yourusername thank you, lew lew🩵.

user9 y/n and lewis’s friendship is so 😻.

yourusername has posted on their story.

replies:

user18 rue, when was this?

carlossainz55 this is no soft launch

user2 is that who i think it is??

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, carlossainz55, and 1,987,345 others

yourusername is this how this hard launch thing works?

24,578 comments

charles_leclerc je t'aime tellement, ma chérie ❤️.

yourusername i love you too, my lil vroom vroom guy ❤️.

yourbestfriend bitch be romantic for once.

yourusername that was romantic wym?

user13 did i expect it? no. do i love it? yes.

liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername.

landonorris my parents🥹 (y/n pls say yes. charles said no.)

yourusername you said no to our son? charles_leclerc?

charles_leclerc but y/n

yourusername but nothing. he is our son, treat him as such.

landonorris 😁😁.

user8 y/n really said charles has no option but to adopt Lando 😂.

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, yourusername, landonorris, and 1,976,455 more

charles_leclerc Je t'aime tellement, ma chérie ❤️.

26,357 comments

user9 damn. charles really pulled a hot ass girl.

user8 right, i thought his ass was awkward

user18 bro pulled his celebrity crush

yourusername Je t'aime tellement plus, mon amour ❤️.

yourusername (i want everyone to know i google translated that. so if it’s wrong , not my fault.)

charles_leclerc it’s the thought that counts, chérie.

landonorris my parents🧡

charles_leclerc i still didn’t agree to that.

landonorris yourusername he’s being mean to me.

yourusername Charlie, what have i told you. Accept our child.

carlossainz55 yk sometimes i worry about you y/n

yourusername it’s okay, Charles does too:)

lewishamilton congrats you two🩵.

liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername

yourusername thanks lew lew🩵.

arthur_leclerc congrats❤️

liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername

charles_leclerc thank you brother❤️.

the end

[kvetcher-in-the-rye]

That's an excerpt from the speech commonly known as "The American Dream". Here's a 5 minute video of it:

..."there’s a reason education SUCKS, and it’s the same reason it will never, ever, EVER be fixed. [...] Because the owners, the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now, the BIG owners! The Wealthy… the REAL owners! The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.

Forget the politicians. They are irrelevant. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice! You have OWNERS! They OWN YOU. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They got you by the balls.

They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don’t want:

They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. Thats against their interests.

Thats right. They don’t want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago. They don’t want that!

You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shitty jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and now they’re coming for your Social Security money. They want your retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fucking place! It's a big club, and you ain’t in it! You, and I, are not in the big club.

By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The table has tilted folks. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care! Good honest hard-working people; white collar, blue collar it doesn’t matter what color shirt you have on. Good honest hard-working people continue, these are people of modest means, continue to elect these rich cock suckers who don’t give a fuck about you….they don’t give a fuck about you… they don’t give a FUCK about you.

They don’t care about you at all… at all… AT ALL. And nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care. Thats what the owners count on. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes everyday, because the owners of this country know the truth.

It's called the American Dream,because you have to be asleep to believe it."

[im-not-your-nice-jewish-boy]

we've got long memories

I am not the least bit surprised by any of the tidal wave of antisemitism the left has spewed since October 7th. Every single post saying Hamas did nothing wrong; every single targeted attack on my fellow Jewish people on this site; the number of people who proudly paraded misinformation and disinformation to the extent of funding organizations actual Palestinians have said outright don't help them in any way just because it's against Israel which means that it must be good. None of this is surprising to me.

Now, maybe you could say that I'm a cynical bastard, and you'd be right. But you'd also completely be missing why I'm a cynical bastard. I learned this from my mother, who was beaten up just for being Jewish as a child. I learned this from family who disappeared between my ancestors fleeing the countries they came from and looking to see who made it with them. I learned this from the story of one of my grandfathers picking a new birthday because his birth certificate had been burned when the Shul was destroyed so he had no idea when it was. I learned this from people using "Jewish" as an insult in school and watching a girl I knew break down in tears because people were calling her a Jew when she wasn't. I learned this from holiday after holiday that repeated the same verse of people trying to destroy us and us celebrating our survival.

We remember these things because the rest of the world is very good at deliberately forgetting them.

"It's not that bad because it happened to the Jews. It's not an actual problem because Jews are white anyway. Was the Holocaust really even so terrible? Why do you want to be oppressed so badly if not to use it as a weapon against people who you're oppressing yourselves?"

Some variety of every single one of those is something I've seen in recent memory.

So, dear Passionate Goy Internet Leftists who have spent the last few months attacking and accosting every single Jewish person who dares to speak on the issue in any way that doesn't make them a Good Jew?

My dear friend, just know that we will remember you. You can try to go back to normal. You can try to just sweep it under the rug. You can try to act like it was all just business as usual and there was no harm done to any "Good Jews" and just to the "Evil Zionists" (both of which deserve their own rant post and have multiple of them from people a lot smarter than I am).

We will remember what you did

You will never be able to make us forget you calling for our deaths

And most of all, we will outlive you, just like everyone else who ever bayed for our blood

[togglesbloggle]

In Defense of Bad Things

'Bad' here meaning mostly 'amateur'; stuff made enthusiastically by people at an unprofessional level. Art with visible gaps between what the artist imagined and what they achieved, products of flawed craftsmanship. I suppose everybody can appreciate them to some extent, it's a rare parent that doesn't put up their kid's drawings on the fridge in one way or another. But it turns out to be a fully general skill you can cultivate, and the more I do, the more I'm glad I did.

Partly, it's the teacher thing; finding delight in amateur work is one of the ways to find delight in the process of learning. Cultivating a love of striving-qua-striving can help make you a force for good in the world, as people start to feel safe trying to do things when you're around, even when their efforts are wobbly. You get to participate a little more in the process of atoms spinning themselves into ideas, even when there aren't any illusions about whether you're helping cultivate some revolutionary genius in the field.

And partly it's a fabulous way to build community. By necessity, our professional-level skills tend to be at the service of other people, performed for economic benefit; that's kind of how you get professionally good at something in the first place. When we're acting for our own sake, and among friends, most of what we do with one another is amateurish. I only cook middling-okay, I can't hold a tune that well, I'll never be a speed runner for anything. If you can only enjoy singing from the hundred best singers in the whole world, manufactured and polished by major studios, then you and your friends will sit shoulder-to-shoulder and passively listen to music. But it's so much richer an experience to sit face-to-face, actually singing together, even badly; you expose yourself to so many new ways to appreciate and respect one another, building relationships on what you've accomplished and not just by witty criticism or liking the same things.

And partly it's because some of the most powerful and innovative artistic experiences are in high-churn environments with low expectations and low barriers to entry, if only because those catch the passionate and driven young people that have been otherwise overlooked by our systems. The golden age of webcomics meant that a ton of the actual art involved was pretty lousy, but it also produced work that people still talk about today. D&D began as a profoundly unpolished collection of handmade rulebooks sold at cons in a plastic baggie. By the time these products of enthusiastic amateurs filter themselves through various levels of popularity and absorb mainstream cash influx, they're often risk-averse and missing a lot of the bold spark that inspired their fans in the first place; others will simply never drift towards the mainstream at all. I'm not saying you should be the person who goes out to dig through the slush piles of the internet looking for overlooked art, unless you want to be-- but sometimes a work of actual staggering genius also happens to be a Supernatural fanfic by a first-time author who's a little hazy on commas, and if that's a dealbreaker, you're going to miss out on some profoundly valuable experiences.

And hiding behind all of these things is, like...

Our appreciation of beauty has an odd structure, right? When things are done very skillfully, by brilliant artists with years of training, we can usually appreciate those accomplishments. And when we're looking at nature without human influence, and especially when we think very deeply about natural processes and understand them in context, we often rediscover that sense of beauty. There's just this bizarre hole in the middle where we declare things 'ugly'; as if a little skill is worse than none at all.

I really don't trust that gap. It feels like a trick my brain is playing on me, you know? It has me suspicious that a lot of what I consider 'ugly' or 'bad' is not a very direct experience of the world at all, or an informed judgment. That it is, rather, a declaration of (self-, social-) identity; a desire to be seen as a person of good taste, or as somebody who does things well, or just more primitively as one of the monkeys who is in the good-stuff-tribe and not one of the monkeys who is in the bad-stuff-tribe.

[chloeangelic]

thank you and goodbye 💗

I've made the decision to leave Tumblr and continue posting on AO3 instead (including my ongoing series, ie SWID, TMWH and SFTD). I am not deactivating - all my posted works will stay up, but you won't be seeing me here at all, I'm sorry.

I can't stay in a community where people are so concerned with avoiding drama that they're willing to stand around and watch someone get bullied and harassed until they no longer feel welcome here. I understand not wanting to post about it in fear of getting harassed yourself, but that shouldn't stop you from reaching out to the person involved and asking what's true and not. You're still welcome to message me for clarification if you wish.

I wanted so badly to just ignore it and move on but I'm not made of stone. I can't scroll the feed anymore without wondering who thinks I'm a terrible person based on claims that were admitted to being fabricated. I haven't talked shit, I haven't lied, I haven't manipulated, I haven't done anything I've been accused of and neither has Iris. This has been insulting and awful for both of us, and there's been almost zero repercussions for the people starting this drama.

If you have no idea what I'm taking about, please read this post. If you contributed to this through spreading rumors, trashing me in group chats, vagueposting about me, or reblogging nasty posts/anons about me - congrats, you've bullied someone on the internet. Do you feel better about yourself now?

The only way I can continue posting fic is unfortunately by removing myself from what has become an incredibly toxic environment, which is disappointing and shocking to see from a fandom full of grown adults.

So to my readers and the friends I've made here - I love you with all my heart, and I can't thank you enough for your support. My casual readers, my reply guys, you have given me the gift of writing, which has been so healing for me and something I hope to keep doing for a long time to come. I want to stay in touch with you and I want you to be able to continue reading my stuff, so you have a few options.

I will be posting on my AO3 account also called chloeangelic. If you subscribe to me there, you'll get emails when I upload. If you don't have an AO3 user, message me on discord @ chloeangelic and I will personally send you the link when I've posted to whichever series you're interested in. ETA: I tried to make a new account to message with people but tumblr shadowbanned it, so discord will be the only way to get in contact with me.

I might come back one day, but right now, going on the dash literally gives me a stomach ache and I don't see that changing in the near future. I have high enough self esteem to know that I don't deserve to get treated the way I have, and I need to go where I'm celebrated, not just tolerated.

All my love + I hope to see you over on AO3,

Chloe

[qqueenofhades]

JSYK the OP of the Crab Day post is a self-identified conservative Christian. Can't speak to anything she may have done or said, but I do know that Crab Day wouldn't actually fix Tumblr - the site is running a 30mil *deficit,* which is different from debt. All Crab Day would do would be telling staff that their current policies get users to send them more money, which doesn't actually change anything. Corporations change only when their business strategy is losing the shareholders money.

Gotta be honest, my friend, I'm... not sure what you're trying to do here? Warn me that the original post was made by a Problematic Person (tm) and therefore that must mean it's all wrong, or.... what?

We know that Tumblr badly needs money, because they have told us that and openly admitted that the unpopular new changes were spurred by a need for increasing revenue. I logged on just now on desktop and got a suggestion that I could purchase an ad-free browsing subscription to help support the hellsite (which is the word they used, because they have very much embraced the joke). I have in fact already bought an ad-free subscription, both because I like the product Tumblr provides and want to keep using it in its current form, and because it makes my mobile experience immeasurably nicer. I am well aware that especially in this era of social media sites dropping like flies, the continued existence of a platform that is 30-million-dollars underwater (however you want to split hairs about exactly how) is not a guarantee. And we all complain about Tumblr, but we have all been here a long time (me, uh, over 10 years), we have a solid community, there's no other alternative that's really ever come up or gotten the same kind of uptake, and if it went under, we would be uh, screwed.

Tumblr is kind of a mess, it's the antithesis of every social media site, and it doesn't (for now) have the crap that makes The Artist Formerly Known As Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram so utterly unusable, or if it does, you can (mostly) turn it off. That's why we all like it and why, even if we are resolutely anti-capitalist gremlins who resist being marketed to with every fiber of our being, it doesn't change the fact that servers, staff, and all the rest cost real human-people money which the site, by their own frank admission, is struggling to raise. Even if staff does often make crappy updates, they generally at least TRY to listen to us and include a feature to make it optional or roll it back, unlike certain unnamed idiot billionaires. Their mockery of other social media sites can sometimes be a little much, but for now, Tumblr is pretty much the last place on the internet that does what it does, and I like it that way. If it went under and took my blog of 10+ years and all my friends with it, I would be incredibly sad.

That being the case, and basic financial realities being what they are, encouraging people to toss a few bucks at a TOTALLY OPTIONAL and fun gimmick that increases functionality for a product we like is actually not a bad thing. TumblrMart has crabs, checkmarks, Ea-Nasir merchandise (seriously), ad-free browsing, etc., and if our choice is voluntarily supporting the site through fun (and again, OPTIONAL) purchases versus having us all be involuntarily subject to some horrible data-scraping mechanism or forced off altogether because they couldn't keep the lights on, that is fine with me. Nobody is making anybody do or buy anything. But if you like the product Tumblr provides and want a fun material way to show your appreciation, then I don't think it's some Great Transgression to participate in that.

[caparrucia]

Here's one of those uncomfortable tidbits that no one wants to think about and which people in cozy internet bubbles hate being reminded of:

The way you speak about people you dislike/hate is a red flag to people you do like/love.

The way you express anger and frustration and rage about people who wronged you, even people who wronged you badly, in a wider context, is very often a red flag for others around you. Do you let your anger be a justification to use dehumanizing language? Slurs? Are your personal feelings the measure you use to determine who is allowed personhood and who isn't?

This doesn't mean you're not allowed to be angry. This doesn't mean that you're not allowed to express said anger. It doesn't even mean your anger is not justified.

But if you find yourself sitting alone in your corner of rage, wondering why your personal connections tend to wither and fizz out, it probably is because you're constantly talking about people who make you angry and all the things you'd like to do to them. And like, people who first encounter that, might be sympathetic, might be wary, but the more visceral your anger is, the more readily you express it, the more people start wondering what's the threshold to trigger that behavior. Will you be talking about them in that tone too, if they piss you off? Will they be the subject of one of your tirades, if they make a mistake? Are you going to go on a rampage, calling them slurs, if it turns out they don't agree with you?

Anger is, for better or for worse, the kind of emotion you share with close friends, not with strangers trying to become friends, or new friends who don't know you yet. Anger is the kind of thing a good friend will know how to parse. But if it's a new person and all they know about you is how angry you are about something or someone, they will lack the context to understand that your anger is justified and that it's not the entirety of your personality... because you have made it so that's the only part of your personality they've seen.

Discord culture being what it is, it's fascinating how prevalent "vent" channels are, and how people just go in there and scream their rage in search of sympathy. But it tends to back fire, because to get sympathy from strangers, your venting needs to be edited to sound like you're in the right. Your anger needs to be righteous, to evoke support in those vent spaces. And it becomes a cycle.

Cause the thing is, anger isn't always justified or righteous. Sometimes you're BEC about someone! (Bitch Eating Crackers, a shorthand for "this person annoys me to an irrational amount, anything they do is parsed as a negative", "LOOK AT THE BITCH, EATING CRACKERS" etc.) And that's anger that needs to be expressed and processed! But that's the kind of anger that only close friends can handle. If you put that anger out, performing in the hopes of getting support, you're going to need to either lie egregiously about why you're angry, or you're going to alienate a ton of people because it turns out "is capable of irrational anger about things/people" is a pretty common red flag when that's all you know about someone.

Just.

I keep seeing post after post of people bemoaning being lonely and abandoned and failing to establish long-lasting connections and it's just.

It's the anger. You keep greeting people with anger and anger is a great emotion to fuel a lot of things, like change and protection and closing ranks, but it's kinda shit at building long lasting connections. Try curiosity or good will! It doesn't mean you have to stop being angry, either. If you're angry, you're angry! But when you're trying to build relationships, using anger as an all-purpose tool is like trying to hammer a nail with a saw.

[lizaluvsthis]

PART 2 HYPERFIXATION FOR SMG4: Mario looks at SMG4's browser history

Okay last one...(f-cking photos has a limit)

Previous hyperfixation (read first)

So it is true that SMG3 does torture SMG4's life by ruining his day(come back from the episode you used to be cool where smg3 said "usual")

Since the word "usual" is used from SMG3's statement after we learned from that episode where he "considered killing" him. Directly to smg4.

SPOILER...

Seems like SMG3 DOES love to put out a good show where he still makes smg4 suffer the most mildest things with apparent reasons of constant teasing for the man and Three just enjoys it.

(If SMG4 did things to ruin his life so badly, by smg4 doing so in purpose, then so should SMG3 WILL and would ruin his day back.)

Worst thing SMG3 would think of, is forgiving SMG4. Because why in hell would he do that after everything?

Not only... SMG3 hides behind his secret, and mentioning WOTFI 2021 where SMG3 said something along the lines with "try and make him cry" is and definitely puts on that SMG3 still concealed himself from his inner shell as his emotional break down to cover up the sensitive emotion he has.

And that it'd be so out of character and sudden to forgive smg4 just like that, he'd be in the usual doings of "Hell no f-cking way I'd do that just now, why would I forgive this assh-le for ruining my life?"

Because thats an emotional baggage for SMG3 to cope on, he livestreams himself on twitch to play random ass games for his stress relief because of him. SMG4 has been stuck with him for like- a decade now and this is sh-t ass ruining him

if you all shouldve noticed just now, smg4 hasnt apologized EVERYTHING to SMG3 yet. Because he wasn't sure how "emotions" and "actions" could play out from his character after he did those "assumable" things to break SMG3's dreams.

Thats simple. He's a very difficult man to comprehend with his own self thoughts, he's overwhelmed at himself to where it breaks him. If SMG3 is socially awkward to talking or making new friends, then so SMG4 is the one whos difficult to solve the problem with his causes (like saying sorry wasnt very easy for him to put out)

Cause all smg4 did was focus on his meme contents from doing what he loves, he broke three for being famous, and his cafe, with also his dreams on starting his own production, not to ALSO mention his damage to SMG3.

If smg3 would even still forgave him for doing all of that om purpose without even realizing. But to smg3, he didn't want to say he'll forgive SMG4 instead. He still recovers from each and everything from that.

Because he'd seen how fragile SMG4 is at this part. SMG4 could only rely with making his contents to get money off from youtube, to THEN paying the expenses for whatever waterbills, electricbills, his loans from the property he's paying for, foods from groceries.

Literally EVERYTHING.... he's been trying to provide and same this goes on with SMG3 where he started his coffee shop, the one who works two jobs as a twitch streamer and a cafe owner. (The reason why SMG3 gets money from thats how he could afford everything just by double timing his job)

Since smg4 doesnt know sh-t with jobs, SMG3 is up ahead him, smart enough to think. While SMG4's knowledge is a bit too unstable without any of his college experience since he didn't like school then he hates studying.

Studying helps you learn countless of things even tho its a hard challenge to try, you still need to learn either way to know bits of facts. SMG4 dropped out and didn't graduate from college, but did SMG3 continued college?

That remains unknown, but we do know for a fact he is twice as smarter than SMG4 and Mario. (God what a fabulous b-tch.)

The reason why college is important is that you can set a course of what you'd want to get a job you'd be capable of loving from. And knowing that SMG3 pays atleast too many stuff by marketing and selling or trading or who knows what from the internet to make him get that much of advantage to get enough money.

SMG3 improvised his skills to survive

And so if SMG4 could do the same he'd probably have the same braincells as his boyfriend/j

- (whoops I just realized that I moved the topic to college but eh-)

Anyway following on with our focused topic.

If SMG4 couldnt admit that he'd say sorry to SMG3, then there would be a constant loop of the friends not understanding each other.

I still have a feeling that SMG3 could almost understand, like he could see through what SMG4 has been feeling. But he couldnt show that emotion to four- it'd look WEIRD. for him. Better yet is that- SMG4 would most likely be the optimisstic one to show symapthy, but still- SMG3 is an empathetic man for SMG4.

Just so is SMG4 when he cant understand how his actions can cause consequences like smg3 for example, SMG3 didn't even do much damage to SMG4 after everything. Because what SMG3 thinks is that he- deserved it. Everything to him from what he had done to smg4- willl be always pointed at him as he only sees himself as the bad guy.

Like oh man- how assumable can smg4 be when smg3 gets something that he finally wishes to have for? Attention. And he's been the one saying "thats what we do for each other right?" When SMG4 did it his way while SMG3 has finally moved on. Like SMG4... I see you as the person who've been causing a lot by i mean ALOT. Of problems.

Four suffers because of this cause he never understands how relationships or just by general actions work, because he never had someone close to him to guide his way for understanding.

They both were literally born from a USB and then came down there to explore their new selves.

Not even once SMG4 thought about- "why did I do that to him? I should say sorry... If only I didnt destroy his cafe nor even his productions"

Its because FOUR WAS SO AFRAID. In repeat. Lets repeat this again.

Three cant forgive SMG4 because he's been having alot of thoughts from his head that would lead to the death of him.

And SMG4 cant apologize cause he's unaware of what would happen if he did. He would overthink about this... and better yet- Three's motions are unrecognizable so Four would keep on missing his chances if he'd want to say it. He wondered that if he told sorry to smg3, he'd be the one to blamed more and three would be more pissed. Because they both wanted to forget the past.

But the past is already apart of them, a memory they both went through together...

So... well- theres my fixating- :)))))

@b-r-i-n-g-x .

[thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed]

Fuck dude that was heavy. Your story cheater. Damn. That's actually a big fear of mine loving someone and then falling out of love. Having something special and then loosing it.

Can you do an alt, kinda based of the prompt from cheater, where the reader is madly in love with Jenna on set and the viewers are all over the internet about the chemistry they see. And the directors who are not shitheads decide to make the characters an unofficial couple and give them a kiss scene and then reader is like, yep I love her and confesses. Now I'm not sure how Jenna would react to this entire thing she's still her own person, so weather you think she would fall for the reader or reject them. Do whatever you see fit.

I’ve Been Waiting

Word count: 3.3K

Summary: request above

Warnings: maybe slight angst?

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

———

You weren’t that big of an actress, you have never been. Your roles were side roles most of the times and even though you sent auditions here and then you never got picked, this was until you were younger. Eventually though you grew up and started getting better roles. At age 19 you had already done a couple movies and had gained a little following, though not enough to have paparazzi stalking you or to get called on red carpets or to movie premieres, and even though you wanted to be recognized more, you knew you had to keep these “peaceful moments” close, because they’d never come back. Your manager was a great guy and even though you had wanted to send auditions everywhere, he always stopped you because he knew the directors or the movie company and either the actors were treated badly, or it didn’t pay enough.

Recently though you started sending auditions for Netflix shows, knowing that they paid well and that they welcomed new or unknown faces. It was the best shot you had at getting more recognition, plus, working for netflix was the best way to reach younger people. You auditioned for a few roles, and you heard back from only one. Tim burton in person had chosen you to act in series, Wednesday, for season 2. You didn’t know who you would play yet, but the fact that you’d be working for him, was enough to make you happy. A couple weeks later you got your first scripts, and you immediately went through it. Your character, Athena, was a main one, and it would be Wednesday’s girlfriend. You hadn’t watched the show, but you had heard of it from your best friend, Emma Myers. She acted in that show and had been trying to make you watch it forever but you never had time, and you figured that this was the perfect time to text her.

You: hey M&M! Wanna hear the news?👀

M&M💕: SHUT UP I HEARD!!!!!! I’m so excited, I literally can’t wait for you to meet everyone else!!

You: I’m honestly scared though! I mean, I don’t know who the others actors are but I’m sure they’re more experienced than me! I’m gonna suck

M&M💕: nooooo don’t worry! They’re all really nice and sweet, I’m sure you’ll love them! And you need to watch season 1 before coming here!!!

You never found the time to watch it, but you took a look and memorized the scripts. Wednesday sure was an intriguing girl, but your character was way too stubborn to give up on her the first chance she got. Wednesday was a softie deep down and only Enid and Athena saw that. It took your character a while to figure that out, but to her, Wednesday was as easy to read as a book, given that Athena’s ability was to read minds. She knew what everyone thought, she knew everything about everyone. Finally, after a couple months you were on your flight to Romania. You were in first class or course and you didn’t have to hide from paparazzis because there were none for you… of course not yet. The flight was incredibly long and extremely boring, but when you arrived there were a lot of paparazzis.

Not for you though. They were around Emma, who had come pick you up. As soon as she saw you she immediately came your way and hugged you. “Hi M&M!” You smiled and hugged her back tightly, paparazzis shooting pictures from afar, obviously having to keep distances. “I missed you so much (Y/N)! Come on let’s go to the car and we can talk more in there” she said, you gave her a smile and a nod before the two of you headed to the luxurious VIP car with darkened windows, something you weren’t used to yet, but soon enough you were heading to the set of Wednesday. “So, how was the flight?” Emma asked. “Boring. But what flight isn’t?” You laughed and she did the same “what about you? How have you been?” She smiled and snuggled up to you, she has always been very affectionate towards you. “I’m good! Been missing my best friend but now it feels so weird that we get to act together! Oooh wait till you meet the others” she said smiling.

You soon arrived on set and just like Emma had expected, everyone was in a trailer together playing cards. She took you to your trailer to put down your stuff, before going to the trailer everyone else was in. “So… expect lots of questions, they’re really curious people… oh! Wait till you meet Jenna, she’s the one who plays Wednesday. She’s amazing-“ you interrupted her “Emma, you’re more excited than I am” you giggled and soon enough you walked in the trailer. “Hey everyone! This is (Y/N), our new cast mate” everyone waves at you, but a certain brunette caught your eyes. The black hair, brown eyes… she must be Jenna, the girl who plays Wednesday. She was stunning, to say the least. She smiled back at you and waved “Hi everyone… it’s really good to be here. Sorry for how I look but you know, flights” you giggled and scratched your neck.

“Oh don’t worry! It’s not a problem, it’s okay to feel comfortable. I mean look at us.” Some boy said. Everyone was actually dressed pretty comfortably so it was okay. “So, they’re Jenna, Percy, Naomi, Joy, Johnna and Georgie.” You nodded, already having forgotten the name. “It’s gonna take me a while to remember y’alls name, but it’s alright.” Everyone giggled again, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of Jenna. She was… just something else, you have never seen someone as pretty as her “so… how’s it feel to be Wednesday’s love interest?” It was Jenna who asked, as you all sat down round the table. “I mean… I haven’t watched the first season, but from what I read-“ “YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED SEASON ONE?!?!!” Emma yelled in your ears. “Jesus Emma no I haven’t, I thought I told you-“ Emma decided it would be a great choice to interrupt you again. “Okay everyone, I don’t care what you want to do but erase that, we’re watching season one now”

That’s how you ended up binge watching season 1 of Wednesday that same night, and guess were you were sitting? Right next to Jenna. You had to admit she did make you a little bit nervous. Just a little bit, she was so pretty and she seemed so pure and sweet, you HAD to get to know her better. First episode started and when Wednesday said “I’d never fall in love” you quickly said “u-uh! You’ll fall in love with me next season don’t you worry” you said, making everyone giggle. Jenna didn’t usually like watching herself on screen, but you seemed so into it, she didn’t mind. Then the final episode… “OH YES ENID! GO SAVE MY FUTURE GIRLFRIEND!” You yelled, once again everyone laughed, Jenna included. They all liked how you seemed confident with yourself and no one saw it but Jenna blushed at what you said.

The show was finished soon “woah. This was a roller coaster of emotions. It was so good! Now I can’t wait to see who’s the stalker” you said and really thought about it. Curiosity was killing everyone in the room, even if no one yet knew who it would be. “Now tell us a bit about yourself” Percy asked. “What movies did you do?” “Oh… uhm you don’t want to see my movies” you said, color rushing to your face as your cheeks turned red “I only had side roles, secondary characters… I never got more than a line or two. This is my first important project and I have to be honest it feels weird to be here with y’all… I actually think I saw some of you in movies… Jenna I’m sure that I saw you in “The fallout”, you played Vada right?” You asked her, and she nodded happily. “God I loved that movie! So you know Maddie! I was actually on dance moms with her, though I stopped dancing like 5-6 years ago.” You said and watched Jenna’s jaw fall. “That’s where I saw you! You looked so familiar!” You two spent the night talking with them, getting to know them and it was useless to say that y’all immediately clicked together.

Eventually filming started, and you grew closer with everyone, especially with Jenna. Emma was also friends with her and it was hard to see the three of you separated from each other. Stories on instagram of the three of you were a daily thing and even though Jenna wasn’t the social type, she didn’t mind that. Talking again about the filming, you still had to get used to everything, you never had hair and make up done this good, you never acted as a main character before and it was so good to be given this kind of attention for once. However, going forward with filming you later found out that in this season, Wednesday and Athena wouldn’t be together yet, but it served as a way to create chemistry within the two characters, with teasing, flirting and such, which only confirmed that there’d be a third season and that you’d be in it, to finally give Wednesday a couple.

When season two aired, you knew you had reached your dream. You finally had fans of yours, you were finally getting called on red carpets, premieres and people wanted to take photos of you and with you. Of course fans had noticed the chemistry within Athena and Wednesday… but also within you and Jenna. The tension between the two of you has always been so thin to cut. Of course you had told Emma about your so obvious crush on Jenna, and neither you or her ever found out if she liked you back, but it was also obvious that Jenna had grown quite attached to you, sitting on your legs, cuddling up to you… and all of this made you always gay panic. Finally, it was time for the Wednesday season 2 premiere. Your dress matching Jenna’s and paparazzis were so eager to take your pictures and couple pictures with Jenna. You looked at her with heart eyes while she was oblivious of it all, even your fans had figured out you liked her.

With time, you got called on interviews as well, with her and with the rest of the cast. They always had you sitting next to Jenna, and you couldn’t be happier, yet you were always so nervous, especially with the way she looked at you when you answered to questions. You always tried not to brush your hands with her, and you kept your own in your lap, but in this particular interview it was hard, as the couch you two were sitting on was pretty tight. “So, (Y/N), Jenna, you may know that fans noticed that there is a lot of chemistry between your characters. Is there anything you can spoil us about next season?” You smiled as Jenna passed you her microphone, hands touching as your cheeks briefly flushed. “Ooh let me see. So we haven’t seen any script yet, but we do know something. The chemistry between Wednesday and Athena will definitely be stronger and more… palpable.” You nodded, happy with your choice of words as the interviewer nodded.

Then the interviewer moved her attention to Jenna. “So, Jenna, there’s definitely a lot of chemistry between Athena and Wednesday, but people also noticed chemistry between you two in real life. You look like you’re a couple, is that true?” Jenna giggled and you blushed, covering your face “well uhm-“ Jenna turned to look at you. “We bonded really quickly actually. It’s like we were meant to be friends, really good friends. I literally cannot be without her or Emma, they’re the best people I know.” Jenna said and nodded. Friends. That’s what you were to her, a friend. Maybe she said it for the cameras, or maybe it was really true, that she only saw you as a friend. You had to admit, this revelation hurt you deeply. If this was really true, you knew you had to suppress your feelings for her.

For weeks you tried to avoid her, but it was incredibly hard. Jenna’s love language was physical contact, and even if you two were just friends, she hugged you and snuggled up to you a lot. And you let her, of course you did. But you avoided having deep conversations with her about anything, but luckily she didn’t notice… Emma did though. So one night when only you and her were together, she decided to confront you about it. “(Y/N) you’re in love with her! If you don’t tell her it’ll be too late, you need to tell her NOW!” She said, but you shook your head, sighing “Emma she clearly said she sees me as a good friend, nothing more, nothing less and-“ she interrupted you. Now you were used to this, she did this all the time “but that was an interview! I’m sure she actually likes you a lot” she said and you shook your head. “If she gives me more signals, I’ll tell her.”

More time passed and you parted ways, everyone had other projects to care for and it was fine with you, at least you had a little of freedom, you didn’t have to think about your feelings for Jenna, right? Nope, wrong. She’d text you every day. Even privately! She asked for videocalls which you couldn’t deny, and you found yourself falling harder for her, if that was even possible. The situation went on like this until it was finally time to film season 3. You were going through your scripts when you saw it. A kiss scene, between Athena and Wednesday. You knew that this would be your end, this would make you break and you were sure of that. However as hard as it was for you, you needed to make this scene as best as possible.

“And… ACTION!” You were in Wednesday’s room, it being filled with nothing but you two as you had just entered. “Athena. What is so important for you to disturb my writing time?” Wednesday said, as the tapping on her typewriter never stopped. “You’ve been avoiding me, Nes. Care to tell me why?” You asked, crossing your arms as you stared at the back of her head “call me that again and I’ll make Thing rip your tongue off. He doesn’t go easy on people.” She tried to threaten you. But you never got scared of her threats. “I’m not scared, you know that.” With that, Wednesday got up, storming towards you with her fist tightened, god, Jenna looked so beautiful. This is what you kept on thinking, this also contributing to the way you looked at her. “What do you want?” She asked and you took a deep breath. “I’m not sure why you’re ignoring me, but I think that feelings are involved” you said as you slowly stepped closer, she didn’t dare move back.

“Feelings that you’re trying to hide, perhaps” you said and watched how she averted her gaze from yours. “Look Wednesday, I like you. And I know you like me too. But you promised not to be like your mother, you promised you’ll never love someone. But the fact that you love or like someone, doesn’t make you like your mother. You’re your own person Wednesday. You’re way different from her” you continued. She finally looked at you and you felt your breath hitch, god did she look pretty. “Get to the point.” She said and you smiled softly, as you hesitantly moved a hand up to her face. You didn’t caress her cheeks, knowing Wednesday hated physical touch, so you just traced your fingers on her braids. “What I’m trying to tell you is… I would like to try and be something more with you. I want to be your partner… if you’ll allow me”

She didn’t speak a word for a while, but you waited. “Are you aware of the fact that I’ll probably torture you?” She said, and you smirked, grabbing her cold, yet soft hand. “I like a bit of torture.” You said, though she was quicker to reply back to you. “I could hurt you. I could die too, remember I have a stalker.” She said and you sighed. “I would bare the pain. I would die for you if it meant I could save you” you moved closer to her, your lips almost brushing hers “you’re making a mistake.” She said and you smirked “and it’ll be the best mistake I’ll ever make” you said and closed your eyes, finally leaning in for a kiss as you felt her pull you closer from your hips, you smiled as you brought your own hand up to her cheek, to deepen the kiss.

“CUT! that was amazing girls! 10 minutes break” you would have continued kissing her if it wasn’t for the fact that you were filming. In that moment it wasn’t Athena kissing Wednesday, it was you kissing Jenna and it felt heavenly. Her lips were so warm and soft, her skin felt like porcelain under your hands and she just felt so fragile. However you had to pull back when the director yelled cut. You looked at her with heart eyes for a while and she looked back at you with a smile, only for you to storm out running. “(Y/N)! Wait-“ Jenna said and ran behind you, but Emma was quicker. “Hey! What happened?” She asked before Jenna could reach you. “We shot the kiss scene and- and I don’t think I can handle hiding everything for more time” she was about to reply when Jenna reached you. “Jesus aren’t you fast. (Y/N), will you tell me what’s wrong?” Jenna asked while trying to catch her breath.

“Can’t you see what’s wrong, Jen?” You asked her, trying to stay calm and not raise your voice at her. “For months I’ve been hiding my feelings for you but you make it so hard, Jen. You snuggle up to me, you sit on my thighs, you treat me like no one ever did… but then at that interview you said we’re friends- how am I supposed to act? I love you Jen. I’m in love with you just like Athena loves Wednesday, if not even more. But what are we? Are we just friends? Because I would love to try and be more, but it’s up to you…” you said and looked down, though hands in hair. You were lost in thoughts, but she soon pulled you out of them when she walked closer and put a hand on your cheek. “I’ve been waiting to hear you say this in forever” she said as she leaned in and kissed you, but it was a different kiss than the one you shared before while filming.

It wasn’t a “fake” kiss like the ones you share for tv purpose, it was an actual kiss. She pulled back briefly, looking at you this time with heart eyes as well, Her soft lips gently brushed against yours before kissing you again, her hands bringing you closer from your shirt as your hands moved down to her waist, gently caressing it with her thumb. It felt perfect, exchanging hot breaths and soft kissed, it was what you had desired in so long. When she pulled back, she made sure to keep your foreheads attached.

“I love you too.”

[mikasbby]

eren jaeger x sudani reader

cw | none, sfw, fluff, sudanese reader

shanta: bag, bakhoor: wood chips that have added scents on them, they are burned to leave an aroma, tamayya: a chickpea based sudanese fritter

as you may know, us sudani’s have expensive taste, so the spoiling he does goes CRAZY.

he’d probably tease and act like he doesn’t want to buy you things but quickly will put his card down whenever you ask him.

“so ‘ren.. i saw this pretty necklace online…” a hint to shyness lingering in your voice.

“yeah? you want it, pass me my wallet” he says quickly without hesitation and a soft smile on his lips.

i feel like eren would be playfully sassy with it too.

“pass me my black shanta baby”

and the side eye you’d give him would put him right back in his place.

all the little things you do, eren would mimic.

post cooking, the scent of garlic and onion move from the kitchen and is now looming into the main home. he is quick to grab bakhoor for you, remembering the small habits you do after cooking. You’re placing it down adding the tacky wooden pieces on the tin foil and he’s watching so attentively in case you somehow burn yourself.

after a few minutes he waits for you to grab the base of it letting you hair pick up the sweet and gentle earthy scent. probably getting excited knowing when y’all cuddle later, he gets to smell what makes him feel like home.

when it comes to tea, i think he can grow into the habit of drinking it outside of cold weather.

<<i don’t know about you guys but it’ll be 28°C outside and i’m still drinking tea>>

every know and then he’ll beg for you to make tea

“you do it way better, please can you make it?” he begs, because according to him, it puts him to sleep.

now for meeting the parents…that’s terrifying.

despite him being nervous he knows how badly he wants to marry you, and meeting your parents is a crucial step.

you let your parents know before hand about him and the relationship, so it’s no surprise when eren appears the next evening. he’s hands slightly shaking as he holds a bag containing fruit, tea, sugar and a can box of ginger ale.

the night before he was endlessly scrolling on the internet to make this a successful meeting.

luckily things went smoothly and as it turns out, your parents love him.

you mom asking you where your “friend” is while you’re both making tamayya. despite the fact you guys are dating and how much she loves him, the word boyfriend refuses to leave her mouth.

you knew he won both you and your moms hearts when he bought her a new thermos and tea set. so now she’s always excited to see him, especially knowing he treats you like a princess.

super late but thank you @thisisnowmyusernamesworld for this ask, i literally took foreverrrr, and midway changed how i did it…lowkey am not a fan, but maybe next time i’ll something better!

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

OK this one's going out to @redfurrycat specifically. I just finished watching this movie, so I'm on a high, so bear with me....

"Sleepless in Seattle" IceMav AU

Bradley Bradshaw is eight years old. His biological father, Nick Bradshaw, passed away a year ago, leaving Bradley to be raised by his partner, Pete Mitchell.

Ever since Nick passed away, Pete has basically been a recluse. He raises Bradley the best he can, and goes to work, but he doesn't spend time with friends very much, and he definitely doesn't date.

Bradley is worried about his Uncle Pete, and believes he should move on and start dating again. But he doesn't know how to help his uncle get past his loneliness, so he does what he thinks is the most logical thing - and calls in to a psychiatrist's radio show for advice.

Tom Kazansky is halfway across the country, driving to his fiance's parents house for Christmas, when he hears Bradley calling in to Dr. Penny Benjamin's show on satellite radio. He is instantly charmed (and saddened) by this young child who wants so badly for his guardian to get out there and meet someone new, so he won't be lonely anymore.

After Bradley talks to Dr. Penny for a few minutes, Penny asks Bradley if he can put his uncle on the phone. Tom is floored by the cajones on this woman, and as he listens, he discovers that Pete Mitchell is too. The guy definitely doesn't sound appreciative of being asked about his personal life, on a radio show, by a complete stranger. But after a couple of minutes, Pete starts to open up about Nick, and how much he and Bradley miss him, and how much he loved him - and how these days, the best he can do is tell himself to get out of bed, and remind himself how to breathe, and hope that not all days will be as difficult as these ones have been.

Tom is in tears by the end of the segment. He is so moved by Pete and Bradley, and somehow so drawn to Pete, even though he'd only heard his voice. He doesn't know what he looks like, he doesn't know anything about him, except that he's recently widowed (why do they call it widowed if you're a widower? They should call it widowered, shouldn't they?), and that he's raising what sounds like really great kid.

In the days that follow the radio show, Pete receives thousands of letters and emails from people who want to date him. He thinks the whole idea is nuts and refuses to look at any of them, but Bradley pours through them, intent on finding a new love for Pete, and a new step-parent for himself.

Tom tries to go on with his regular life - his fiance, his job, his friends - but he cannot get Pete Mitchell out of his mind. Which is RIDICULOUS, because he lives hundreds of miles away, and damnit TOM IS ENGAGED!

...But somehow that doesn't stop Tom from looking up all he can about Pete Mitchell. He considers even going to his home address to meet him (you can find anything on the internet now...if you hack a few databases, it's so creepy!).

...In the end, despite his location, and his fiance, and the fact that everything could crash and burn in one foul swoop, Tom decides to send a letter.

He's inspired by his favourite romantic movie, An Affair to Remember. And after he tell Pete a few things about himself, he writes that he would love to meet him on top of the Empire State Building in New York City, on Valentine's Day.

A few days later, in Pete and Bradley's house, Bradley rushes into Pete's bedroom holding Tom's letter.

"This one!" Bradley exclaims. "Tom's the one I like!"

[tomthefanboy]

Last week I made a simple post saying I wanted a D&D version of this chart with a gnoll in the middle. I know that most of the time if you want something on the internet you have to make it yourself, but I couldn't figure out what each axis would be.

I wanted the D&D chart SO BADLY that I started boosting the posts about it with tumblr Blaze... Post 1  EVERY Post 2  TIER Post 3  OF BLAZE Post 4 

and after spending $250 I had a very wild week...

...and had a lot interactions to sift through!

Before I go too deep into the feedback and my reactions, I would like everyone to know that only ONE tumblr user out of.... (3604 plus 19895 plus 25938 plus 63883... cary the tens...) ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY interactions actually had the combination of empathy, creativity, and reading comprehension to HEAR ME.

@emptymanuscript made me not one, but TWO D&D versions of the chart!

LOOK AT THEM!

Gnolls in the middle and everything! Fantastic.

This gives me the catharsis of being heard and a level of closure fitting with a $250 purchase on the internet. Especially when combined with all of these new friends (whom I will be spending the next month getting to know)!

Hoooooowwwwwwwwwever... I still want a version that has the D&D creature types Humanoid on one side and Beast on the other side of the gnoll. so lets slip under the cut and take a look at the suggestions.

So first off, Axis 1. The X axis if you like maths. This is where I felt like Human to Beast would fit. That changes the chart into something like this.

This will be the basis for most of the charts going forward, meaning that in addition to the top and bottom creatures we place at the extremes of Axis 2 (the Y Axis) we will also need to consider monsters that are "half-humanoid" or "half-beast" versions of those types.

Since I started with creature types, lets start with the two groups of suggestions that actually involved the Rules As Written (aka RAW) D&D monster types.

Fiendish - Celestial got a lot of hate from comments due to the lore of gnolls. Gnolls are the spawn of the demonlord Yeenoghu and reproduce through a wicked ritual. People claimed that this meant they could not be placed in the center of the chart this way. They were too hung up on the top of the chart being a celestial type creature, if you make the top of the chart a creature that's halfway between a demon and an angel (such as a chaotic neutral pixie) and the BOTTOM of the chart a creature that is full blood, bad-n-nasty demon (like say, Yeenoghu itself) then gnolls serve a pretty good middle ground. Then the corners would be creatures that are mixes of each of the sides (demonic beast, demonic humanoid, fey beast, fey humanoid) and you get a pretty solid chart like this;

A smaller group considered the mortal natures of both Beasts and Humanoids and chose a different set of criteria...

These don't have a unified voice but generally it was about an axis between what was natural/organic/normal and what was un-natural/in-organic/aberrant. Multiple creature types fit this bill at each end. Plants and fey are tied to living things while Undead, Constructs and Aberrations are based in inorganic and un-natural processes. We've already got fey in our last chart, so lets see how that looks on an axis against Constructs and Undead (both of these a created via magic like gnolls, so we'll leave out the alien aberrations and try not to think about them reproducing).

Before we continue, let's take our first side bar.

There were some fools out there thinking they could shame me for spending my money on this, proving they don't understand budgets OR the internet. Only ONE of you out there thought to ask me for some money and I respected their hustle so much I gave them enough to blaze one of their own posts. Don't think the rest of you will get some though, even if you come at me with charities or shit, so don't try it. That time has passed.

Such foolishness. Weep for them. Don't tag them. Definitely do not interact. I DO hope they get this blaze post as well though. (Hey @staff, you can do that right? It's not like any of them would have the mental fortitude to read this far after all)

From here we get into the more esoteric groupings. This is where the people who are VERY into D&D and the people who are completely unfamiliar overlap. Let's look at the physical descriptors first.

Size categories are a thing in D&D and Gnolls are medium creatures like dwarves or elves and most humanoids. There's plenty of small monsters and plenty of big ones as well so it is relatively easy to find Large or Small creatures on the humanoid side and the Beast side and then a Tiny creature for the top and a Huge creature for the bottom.

This makes for a satisfactory chart, but not one that captures the complexities of the original animal meme.

The Softness and Hardness of a creature can be reflected in they shape and their stats. It may be acidic but the gently curves of a black pudding are pretty soft, just like the fists of an iron golem are hard. The corners of a chart like this are a bit trickier, there's all shapes of armored things you need to find softer partial-beasts and partial-humanoids. Oozes don't come in half measures so a different creature might be needed.

Let's take a look at another side bar before we continue. There were a lot of people with something to say that were unhelpful in new and different ways.

I'm sure there are dozens of you out there who had been thinking about a Third Axis (the Z axis) this whole time. That stops being a "D&D version of this chart"! Not applicable to this discussion! Same with anything that doesn't have gnolls in the middle!

Next up we have some suggestions for metrics along SOCIAL lines instead of physical ones.

The lines here are very blurry. Gnolls work in packs but are not really social creatures. The destroy civilizations brutally but they do use weapons and magic items they find. They can speak language. The cuddle-to-kill spectrum is as skewed as the fiendish - celestial axis discussed earlier. Aside from player characters, gnolls want to kill and destroy things. I know the savagery is attractive to the monster-fuckers out there but they are 100% kill you. to go further down that axis you'd have to start looking into undead or outer planar beings that destroy the body, the mind, and the soul. So lets look at the Feral to Civil axis instead. Gnolls don't have as much infighting as some creatures. They are at least capable of teamwork to achieve their goals of mayhem so lets focus on that as a metric. Modrons exemplify orderly cooperation for a group cause but there's no CULTURE there. Just Law vs Chaos. We need a civil creature that is neither/both humanoid and beast and an utterly feral creature for the other side that will even turn on its own kind. Even more feral and unthinking than your average beast... But we simply can't ignore sexiness and willingness to cuddle in the equation... Metal to Cottagecore sums it all up best I think, so let's look for that.

When you practice for an exam a lot people will tell you to trust your gut. I'm here to tell you to trust your first Blaze results. As much as I loved the thrill and attention of the higher tiers, the roller coast ride of the $25 tier was enough to get me where I needed to go. Let's see one of the first suggests and the most popular.

Gnolls are a combination of brutal warrior and arcane origin story. There are certain gnolls with magical powers but in general they are not relied upon. This makes them a good middle ground. So we need a creature at one end that is a cunning spellcaster and an opposite that is a muscle-bound brute.  A number of arcane outsiders fit the first while half the giants fit the latter. But anything with a language is not quite dumb enough for an extreme. So there may be a need for outsiders on both ends if an unthinking/non-magical outsider can be found. BUT are outsiders by default eldritch magical creatures? Also, should I listen to the person that posted my face in their reblog more than the others? That seems important...

As much as I'd love to have different creatures on every single chart as a weird flex, but the Tarrasque literally REFLECTS SPELLS and is one of the few creatures dumber than an ogre without being an ooze, construct or undead. On the other end, I had considered that the Death Tyrant or the Demilich with its Strength of 1 might represent the ultimate embodiment of mind over matter, but nobody has as many MAGIC spells and MIND powers as the Illithilich!

As we reach the final side bar, allow me to slap down a block of tags for all the people who left notes specifically asking to see how it ends. that way they get an alert even if this blaze doesn't get to them. @trickstercheshi​

@kippkap​

@musings-of-an-avimancer

@thatwingeddaydreamer 

@smokenmoths

@queuest

If you did a CTRL-F and just scrolled down to your name, I don't take it personally. I applaud your efficiency!

Let's see all the "none of the aboves" that my Blaze Train awoke as it shrieked across their dashboards!

Not all comments are created equal.

Out of all the excellent ideas there was one that stood out to me early on and only got a few more people fully on board through the entire Blaze Train.

Yes. That's right. We come all the way back around to physical descriptors. But it's not that simple! On the original chart, the rat, weasel, and raccoon are also mischievous and unpredictable with their grabby little hands. Meanwhile the quadrupedal Horse has evolved just as far in a different direction. Solidity and strength are in their hooves. Llamas and goats benefit from this power and stability but use it for wildly different purposes. There are also easy D&D creatures to pick out for each side without dabbling in lycanthropy or shifters.

And now I can rest, knowing that I have the chart that I wanted all along. Now I just need to blaze this and see which chart people like the most and how many ideas people have for the Z axis on them. (you sick bastards)

[malamira]

I HOPE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MY HEART (EVEN IF I DON'T REALLY SHOW IT)

synopsis: co-workers to enemies to friends...? no, that's not right. they skipped the friends part entirely. so, the benefits are... what, exactly?

a/n: wrote this years ago and decided to bring it back to life! with a few edits and revisions, of course. i know some people were disappointed that i took this off the internet, so here it is!

i plan on reposting majority of smutmas at some point throughout the year, so if it's anything to look forward to, i hope you keep your eyes peeled!

— 💓 —

The repetitive ringing tone in Inuyasha’s ears made him grip his steering wheel harder. “Come on, Kagome,” he hissed. “Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

Finally, the tell tale sign of a click resounded. “Hello?”

“Thank fucking God,” he breathed out. “Where are you?”

“I’m out,” she said, and he could hear the bass in the background. “What’s up?”

“Where? I’m picking you up.”

“What? In—” She let out a sharp breath. “No! Are you crazy?”

“Halfway there,” he muttered under his breath. “Look, I’ve had a shitty day, and I need you to blow off some steam.”

“Should I be flattered?” she said sarcastically, then softer, as if she pulled away from the phone. “Just work. I—Hey, Sango, wait—”

He was halfway to the business district and decided to pull over at an emergency bay. The sounds of a scuffle was heard on the receiver, short puffs of wind and rustling. Sooner than later, a new voice floated into his ear. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Kagome’s boss,” Inuyasha snapped.

“Wait—Inuyasha? Why is Inuyasha calling you?” That last part was softer, said to Kagome. She came back. “Why are you calling Kagome?”

“None of your business!”

“Sango!” Inuyasha heard, in various volumes. She must’ve been struggling to snatch her phone back. “Give me back my phone!”

“Of course it’s my business,” Sango said. “She’s my best friend and you’re garbage. Why are you calling her?”

“Garbage?” Inuyasha exclaimed, affronted. “I thought we were friends!”

“The amount of sex you have is unhealthy and every relationship you’ve had has been a dumpster fire,” she pointed out.

“I’m twenty-nine,” he snapped. “The amount of sex I have is just fine, thanks. And it's not my fault all my exes were psychos!”

“Don't call them psychos when you're part of the problem!"

Inuyasha held himself back from flinging his phone. "Ju—"

"The reason why they ended so badly was because you’re an emotionally constipated asshole incapable of communicating and you know it!”

He tried to not break the phone in his grip. This was not the time nor the place to deep dive into his personal issues. "Not the time, okay, Sango? Just let me talk to Kagome."

“Are you gonna have sex with Kagome, too?” she needled.

Sango didn’t have to know the honest answer to that question. “No, for God’s sake. We have an emergency deliverable on Monday.”

“It’s Friday night! Well past office hours!”

“Ask Kagome if she wants to work on it over a full weekend or start tonight and finish tomorrow to get Sunday off,” he snapped.

Sango was evidently Not Happy. “Fine. Ugh, fine. The one time I actually manage to get her out of the house… Kagome, here.”

More rustling.

“Thank you,” Kagome said. “Hey, sorry. So what was that?”

“Sango thinks we’re having too much sex.”

“I heard her little tirade. I know it's a you problem."

Jesus fucking Christ. “Whatever. Message me where you are as soon as I hang up,” he demanded. “Every second longer will make me want to fuck you rougher.”

“You’re so impatient,” she complained. “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

He ignored her and ended the call. His phone darkened as he waited, then lit up again a full minute later, her name popping up on the screen. It took her a full minute. He smirked as he shifted gears and sped away.

—

As soon as he picked her up, he sped over to a fairly full parking lot and parked in the darkest corner he could find. Before she could ask, he unbuckled his seatbelt and practically assaulted her, pressing his lips to hers and palming her breast over her shirt.

“Inuyasha,” she gasped when he pulled away.

“No bra?” he grinned wickedly. “I should be so lucky.”

“Wasn’t for you,” she snapped, and somehow that irritated him. She pushed him off her. “And what gives? I thought we were going to your place.”

“I’m impatient.”

She shook her head. “No. If I’m gonna be a booty call, I’m gonna get the whole nine yards. That means sex on a comfortable bed and a shower immediately after.”

“Jesus, you’re demanding,” he grumbled, strapping his seatbelt back on and reversing out of the parking lot. “Even my exes didn’t make me work this hard.”

“That explains why we’ve been having sex longer than you’ve been in any relationship,” she quipped.

He didn't respond. Was it Psychoanalyze Inuyasha Night? What the fuck?

His house was a bit of a drive from the central business district, maybe around thirty minutes, and normally Kagome liked to fill the silence. When she wasn’t chatting up a storm like she normally would, he reached over with one hand to push her skirt upwards as he caressed the inside of her warm thigh. “What are you thinking?”

That pulled her out of her reverie. “Huh?”

“Normally you’d be halfway through your tenth conversation topic by now,” he said, flicking on his turn signal. His eyes darted to his mirrors before switching lanes. “What’s up?”

“Oh. Uh, nothing. I just… I guess I didn’t realize it’s been over a year.”

“Since we started having sex?”

“Since your last relationship.”

His face soured. “Can we not talk about that? I wanted to get laid tonight, and you’re killing my boner.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” Kagome reached over and twirled a silver lock that escaped the bun on his head around her finger. “I did this because I wanted to help you, you know.”

Inuyasha scoffed. “And the fact that you also broke up with Kōga around the same time had nothing to do with it?”

“Well, I didn’t say I wasn’t also doing it to help myself.” She shrugged, more nonchalant than he liked. “I’ve always found you cute. Didn’t expect you to say yes to this kind of… arrangement, honestly.”

“Didn’t expect you to propose it,” he said, glancing at her. “Given our… history.”

“You mean you being a complete asshole to me every time you saw me?”

He winced. That was deserved. “I said I was sorry.”

“I know.” She trailed her finger along his jaw. “But… I don’t know. I think I’m not… I think I’m not helping you, anymore.”

His hand stopped the motions along her thigh. “Care to elaborate?"

"Maybe this whole arrangement is just a band-aid solution for your actual relationship problems?" she mused aloud.

"What?"

“Are you even seeing anyone? Like, at all?” she asked, nose wrinkling as she spoke. “Wasn’t that the deal? We blow off steam through sex, go on with our lives. We see other people, and stop this as soon as we do. That’s what we talked about.”

“So? What are you trying to say?” Something clicked in his brain that made him stiffen. “Have you been seeing someone else?” Inuyasha asked, unreasonable rage simmering beneath his skin. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Can you not freak out?” Kagome snapped. “You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not—” he huffed, pulling his hand back and setting it on the steering wheel. “Just give it to me straight. Are you seeing someone else? Enough to make you—make you want to stop… whatever this is?”

“What if I said yes?”

He didn’t know what he would feel—that was a lie, he knew exactly what he would feel, but the unpleasant way his stomach curled, like he was just punched in the gut; the intensity of it wasn’t something he was expecting. He turned to a familiar emotion, instead. “Then why the fuck are you here, then?”

“You called me, remember?” she shot back.

“You didn’t have to say yes!”

“That’s not the point!” she snapped, adjusting herself in the passenger seat to fully face him.

“Then what is your point?!”

“My point is is that maybe this—this—this arrangement is starting to be harmful rather than helpful!” she shouts, throwing her hands in the air and narrowly missing the ceiling of his car. “Just being fuck buddies is becoming a problem! We’re both not in relationships but regularly see each other, and it’s stopping us from seeing other people!”

“We don’t stop each other from seeing other people!” he shot back.

“Inuyasha, I’m not wearing a bra, I have a condom in my purse, and I was ready to get wasted in a club. Yet I’m in your car on my way to your place because I will have sex with you.”

Despite the sheer irritation that manifested itself on his face, Inuyasha took the time to deeply inhale, then exhale. Dealing with Kagome was a true exercise in patience if he’d ever had one, and he’d since learned that she was more receptive when he was visibly calm, or at the very least not shouting, mainly because he’d observed that she felt dumb for screaming her head off when he was calm in the face of her wrath.

And besides, this was not a conversation to be had while driving.

Silently, he drove on and stopped at the first emergency bay he came across. He punched in his hazard lights and took off his seatbelt for a second time, before turning to look at her.

“So what do you want?” he said, looking her straight in the eye. “Tell me what you want.”

Kagome’s gaze was steady, but she breathed in. Her hands shook as she took off her own seatbelt to mirror him; she was nervous.

“Do you want this to end?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I was just… Someone asked, and I thought—”

“Asked what? Who asked?”

“Yura, from Marketing. She said she was interested. She asked me if we were dating.”

Yura? Who’s that? He deemed it insignificant and barreled on. “And what did you say?”

“What do you mean what did I say? I said we weren’t dating, and that you were single. What else would I say?”

“So you’re okay with me dating her? Is that what this is about?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She gingerly rubbed the underside of her eye, careful to not smudge her makeup. “Do you?”

“I’m not interested in Yura,” he said flatly.

Kagome groaned. “That’s the problem, Inuyasha. You’re not interested in anyone. It’s been over a year! This has to end at some point.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? Didn’t you just hear what I said? You’re not interested in anyone!”

“Jesus Christ, Kagome. I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you.” He ran a hand over his face. “I’ve been having sex with you steadily over the past year because I’m interested in you.”

She blinked, then gaped, then stared back at him, horrified. “What?”

He glared at her. “No need to look so disgusted.”

She fixed her face. “Sorry, I didn’t—I mean—What?”

“I’ve been asking you out on a proper date for the past year,” he said exasperatedly. “You were there. You shot me down every time.”

“I thought you were kidding!” Kagome cried, frantic. “You don’t do emotionally available—or anything emotional, for that matter. That’s not you! You don’t ask people out! I had to ask you, the first time!”

“Yeah, well,” he mumbled, “It’s different when it comes to you, apparently.”

"I mean, Sango said you had a communication problem—"

His ears twitched. "Don't listen to her—"

“—but I could disagree, but you’re sure as hell not patient. I’ve been turning you down for a year and you didn’t get the slightest bit pissed off?”

“Like I said,” he continued, looking every bit as perturbed as she was. “It’s different when it comes to you.”

Her cheeks burned. “Wh—Wh—” She struggled with her words, before deciding to simply stare at him, jaw unhinged.

Inuyasha reached over to gingerly close her mouth, before taking her chin in his hand and brushing the corner of her mouth with his thumb. Her lipstick smudged in the slightest. “Look, you’re right. I don’t do feelings. That’s not me, that’s never gonna be me. I'm bad at talking about them, too, because I didn't see the point. It’s why all my past relationships went down in flames; I never made the effort to try, because I didn’t think it was worth it, or that it mattered.

“But I—I don’t know. I’m just not interested in anyone except you. I haven’t been interested in trying on making anything work, except when it comes to you.”

“Because of the sex?” she asked, so innocently that it made him want to laugh.

“Maybe. I don’t know. The sex is good. But spending time with you isn’t so bad.”

"'So bad'?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not bad. At all."

“Because of the sex,” she repeated flatly.

“Look, I’m not going to dissect whatever the hell I’m feeling, okay?” he snapped. “All I know is that I like you, I like having sex with you, I like spending time with you, and I’m not interested in anything with anyone else. I’m not going to further elaborate because that means talking about my feelings and I’m not gonna do that.”

“That’s fair,” she said thoughtfully. “I mean, I won’t ask that from you. I know you and that’s not who you are.”

See, this was why he liked Kagome. She wasn’t the type to demand stuff of him, unlike all his former girlfriends, who demanded flowers and birthday celebrations and grand, romantic gestures—which, ultimately, led to the demise of all those relationships. Because, as they said in one way or another, he didn’t give enough.

But he was a giver. Ask Kagome, even. He was so giving. But these women wanted things that he didn’t give, didn’t want to give. Never planned on giving, because he either didn’t see the point or just didn’t find them worth giving. With Kagome, it was different. What he was was what he was and that was fine. No pressure, no expectations.

Maybe it had to take a friends with benefits situation to realize it, but regardless, it worked; they were happy, there was no pressure, and he really, truly appreciated that. “Thank you,” he said, and meant it.

Her pondering continued. “But…”

He raised an eyebrow. “But what?”

“You’re going to have to ask me out properly.”

He violently rescinded his earlier thought about her not being the type to ask stuff of him. Inuyasha stared at her, unamused. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“Look, if we’re gonna date,” she said shortly, “I expect the whole nine yards. Dinner. Maybe a movie. A romantic walk somewhere, preferably by the beach. A kiss when you bring me home. That kind of stuff.”

“There’s a pattern with you,” he mumbled under his breath. Louder, he said, “Fine. Anything else?”

“Yeah. No sex on the first date.”

“What?!” His jaw dropped. “Kagome, we’ve been having sex for over a year! I think we’re past that point by now!”

“Rules are rules! No sex on a first date!” she insisted.

“Rules are—” Inuyasha dragged his face down in one sweep. Was this even worth it? “You know what? Fine. Fine. Jesus fucking Christ. But what else? And are you sure?”

“What do you mean, 'am I sure'?”

"I know you're siding with Sango about me having a communication issue? You really wanna get into a relationship with me?"

The corners of Kagome's mouth turned down in a frown. "Hey, I never said I agreed with her. You never had a problem telling me what you wanted, or what you expected."

Looking back at it, he really didn't. Maybe because they stepped into the arrangement with no expectations, that he didn't feel like he needed to hide or think about anything.

"Why are you asking?"

His cheeks flared up with heat. "Um. Nothing."

"Seriously? Just tell me."

"I'd really—"

"Inuyasha," she said sternly. Inuyasha took in her expression and decided that no, she was not being stern, she was being stubborn, which was worse.

“Fine." He cleared his throat. "I... I don’t know, I just—I want this to work out. I’m not gonna be the reason why another one of my relationships fail because I’m—as Sango said—emotionally constipated. So I’m going to… try.”

Her face went from shocked to incredulous then straight up teary-eyed. “Inuyasha,” she whimpered. “You want to try for me?”

Oh, good fucking God. “This is why I’m not a feelings person.”

“No, no, no,” Kagome said, pressing a hand to her chest and sniffling. “That was just really sweet. I didn’t think you had it in you."

His eyebrow twitched. “You’re baiting me and I won’t fall for it.”

“I won’t be too hard on you,” she placated, leaning forward. The hand that was on her chest went to pat his knee, then moved to cup his cheek. “And for the record, I don't think you're emotionally constipated. You're just bad with feelings. and you're too shy to talk about them.”

"Okay, enough,” he declared, ignoring the giggle Kagome let out just as he closed the distance to press a deep, wanting kiss to her lips, her soft lips parting under his careful attentions. When he pulled away, something made him ask, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah,” she said, a little breathy. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” He kissed her lightly. “Are you free tomorrow for dinner?”

She laughed in a way that made his heart swell. “Yes, of course.”

He pulled away and resituated himself in the driver’s seat, driving out of the bay as soon as Kagome had strapped back in. His hand made its way back to the inside of her thigh and they drove the rest of the way in comfortable silence.

“To make things clear, tomorrow is the only day I’m going to hold off on sex with you,” he said with finality when he pulled up into his one-car garage. “Got that? All bets are off for date number two.”

“I figured,” Kagome said with amusement. Inuyasha hopped out of the car and met her on the other side, helping her out. “And tonight?”

“Like I said,” he said, smirking. He slammed the door to his car behind her and pressed her against it, his lips starting to work on her neck. He relished the sound she made when he wrapped his arms around her thighs and hoisted her up to carry her into his house. “I’m impatient.”

[thepastisalreadywritten]

By Kate Andrews

Has Kate Middleton united America? For the past few days, we have been one nation under her spell.

The Princess of Wales has dominated Google searches in the United States ever since Kensington Palace released that now-notorious doctored photo of her with her children for Mother’s Day.

Her name search beat that of both ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘Joe Biden’ over the past week.

To say she has broken the internet would be only the start of it: rumours of her well-being are making their way into every newsroom, dive bar, and church fellowship hour across America.

My friends from all over the country text and call me to ask the same question: What’s happened to Kate?

They know I’m as removed from the royal family as anyone could be, but I’m in London and I work in Westminster, so they hope I’ve heard a theory that hasn’t made its way across the pond just yet.

Left-liberal pals who usually text me when Trump says something obscene now want to know when I last walked by Buckingham Palace.

Did anything seem strange? More right-leaning friends, who tend to send videos of Biden jumbling his words, want to know if it’s unusual in Britain to not wear your wedding ring.

Or did someone photoshop her ring out of the Mother’s Day photo, too? Is that even her hand in the picture?

I wonder if Kate knows she has achieved the impossible in bringing America together in this way.

I suppose that depends on where she’s been, how she’s been faring, and how much she’s checking the news – all questions that largely remain unanswered.

Either way, it’s an impressive feat and a wonderful service she has performed.

Sure, it would be nice if existential threats to the United States and its citizens were cause enough for us to find common ground. But I’m not going to be picky.

I will forever be grateful for this smidgen of evidence that, if the cause is compelling enough, America can pull itself back from the brink.

How did ‘Kate-gate’ go viral in a nation that isn’t even her own? The princess’s prolonged absence from public life has the right components to capture America’s imagination.

We are a country obsessed with The Crown and true crime. Since we rejected the British monarchy almost 250 years ago, we have rarely had the opportunity to combine the two.

The mystery of Kate’s movements and the online sleuthing required to discredit that photograph proved to be a golden moment.

But it’s the cover-up elements, which made the story stratospheric.

Like everything else in the States, conspiracy theories tend to be big – the more far-fetched, the more viral they go.

Trumpist QAnon talk has never appealed to non-partisan Instagram girlies, but speculation around a princess’s whereabouts make for perfect 20-part video series to add to your highlights reel.

That’s because Kate-gate is not your traditional conspiracy fare.

The big questions – what’s happened to Kate, where has she been – have not been whipped up from nothing.

Suspicion has been fed by a number of public-relations mishandlings from the Palace.

Stories have changed, a photo has been botched and is still being censored on social media.

This is particularly strange given the normal PR slickness of the Firm: a protective, ruthless operation that presidents and popstars envy.

Some of the rumours have taken absurd and dangerous turns. But it’s not only fantasists who have questions. Something seems to be happening; we just don’t know what.

We may never find out what Kate has been up to these past months. And perhaps we shouldn’t. Her medical issues aren’t our business, after all.

But we know what’s happened to her in the eyes of the public: Brand Kate has skyrocketed.

She and her family have become even more intriguing – the Prince and Princess of Wales’s Instagram and X accounts gained more than 200,000 followers combined in the days after the doctored photo was posted.

That intrigue has made the princess all the more sensational.

Kate is now a mega-celebrity. She has the kind of fame her sister-in-law craves so badly.

Markle’s tactic was to shout from the rooftops: to make herself and her point of view heard through every media platform and streaming service that showed any interest. It worked for a while.

Had a pandemic not scuppered her big moment, ‘Megxit’ would have been the story of 2020.

She and Harry still got to sit down with Oprah. Netflix charted their journey from the Palace to the Hollywood Hills. But attention quickly waned.

This week, the duchess finds herself doing what every fame-hustler must do in the fight for survival: launching a lifestyle brand.

Her Californian-inspired venture, called American Riviera Orchard, will be offering us fashion advice and gardening tips, along with another outlet selling artisan jams and yoga gear.

Yet as she pushes the cutlery and cookbooks, it’s absent Kate whose face is projected all over the world: a testament, if there ever was one, to the power of silence.

Given the long line of mess-ups from the Palace, this boost for Kate is a fairly good outcome.

The princess disappeared for a few months, and the world made its message clear: we simply can’t bear to be without her.

When she returns to public life, she will be more adored and loved than ever.

The rumours and theories will die down. The outpouring of support for the Princess of Wales will continue.

It seems likely that she will, as promised, resume public duty in the spring.

The future queen of England will return, radiant as ever, to stand next to her future king and her family, as if nothing ever happened.

We’ll watch on, always with the niggling feeling that there was something we weren’t told and that not knowing is the key to the charm.

As Walter Bagehot said:

‘We must not let in daylight upon magic’ – or photoshop, for that matter.

NOTE: Additional photos have been included in this article.

[bonezone44]

‘Stages of Grief’

Word Count: 1968

Joel x Reader

image credit

Summary: After a tense interaction with a family member who raised you when you were little, you spiral. Joel talks you through it.

Tags: Reader gender unspecified, angst, grief, familial neglect, childhood emotional/physical abuse

a/n: Read if your family sucks. Read if you like crying. Read if you’re crying-curious. But also keep in mind that I’m a random person on the internet who writes fanfiction. Not a therapist.

++++++

‘It’s not fucking fair,’ you tell yourself. The pain shooting through your body in a way that feels unending. 

How can an emotion feel so much worse than anything else?

How can a thought trigger a full body nuclear meltdown? How can it send you burning and twisting and writhing and regressing into the small child you once were?

Years have passed since you were a little kid, being tugged around and shoved from place to place, trailing behind the adults in your life. All your curiosities being ignored. Your questions going unanswered. Your needs being shoved aside so they could do whatever the hell they thought was so much more important than you. Their child. Their responsibility.

But what about you? What about your needs and desires? What about all the shit that you wanted to do? 

You still remember staring up at the glowing carousel–the colorful, twinkling lights mirroring the stars in the night sky. The beautifully painted horses gliding up and down to a fun, jaunty tune playing loudly from some hidden location within. Your eyes sparkled with majesty and wonder. And you remember how the whole place smelled like popcorn–rich and buttery. The memory always made you hungry when you thought about it.

“I wanna go on that next!” you pointed and shouted with hope and excitement.

You heard an angry scoff. “We’re not going on a fucking kiddie ride.”

“But I wanna go!” you stomped.

They turned around and got in your face. “Well too fucking bad!” They yanked your arm, tugging you through the crowd. Other adults. Other kids. Other people with cotton candy and stuffed animals and new light-up toys and big smiling faces.

You started crying. It felt like your whole world was shattering. “But I wanna go!” You kicked and screamed. You wanted to have fun. You wanted what you wanted.

They shoved you into a corner and got into your face again. This time it was accompanied by their finger and a suffocating cloud of anger. “I don’t give a shit about what you want. Now shut the fuck up and don’t fucking embarrass me.” They whispered fiercely.

“But–”

They slapped you hard across the face. 

It stung. Badly. You felt dizzy.

But it got you quiet.

“Now I’m gonna go down there and hang out with my friends–” they said, pointing down the dim, smelly alley behind the stalls. You saw two men in dirty aprons, sitting on buckets and smoking cigarettes with greasy fingers. “--and you’re gonna shut the fuck up.”

You pouted and sniffled, but had no choice in the matter. They were your adult. You had to go wherever they went. There were no other options.

And now you’re older and wiser, but anytime you’re with them or think about them or meet someone who reminds you of them–it sends you into a spiral. As if they still have their hand wrapped around your arm and you’re still begging them to let you get your way.

“You gotta talk to me, darlin’,” says Joel.

You can’t even see him. You know he’s in the room but your head is a thunderstorm and it’s raining out your eyes. “They do this. They do this every fucking time!” You choke out through sobs. “They can’t be happy for me. They can’t let me have anything!” The last word comes out with a stomp. You clench your fists and dig your nails into your palm. The pain is sharp and you shake your head, burrowing into it. “They never give me anything!” Never give you their attention, their love, their respect. It didn’t matter if you still lived in their house or not–they still saw you as a burden. “It doesn’t matter what I say or-or-or how I say it. They just refuse to fucking hear me!” They wouldn’t even listen when you spoke. “I have tried everything and nothing works.” You wipe your eyes, attempting to compose yourself.

“Then why do you keep tryin?” he asks.

You stare at him dumbly. “‘Cause they’re supposed to! They’re supposed to-to-to–” You break down harder. You can barely say the words in your own mind, but somehow they come out your lips. “They’re supposed to love me!” Your anger recedes, replaced with pain. Pure heart-stinging pain. You rub your chest with your palm. “They’re supposed to love me, Joel.” Your head falls back, your eyes on the ceiling. You can feel the muscles straining in your neck. “But they don’t!” Your mouth is wide and grimacing as you cry. “I can’t even get them to care about me!”

“Then why do you keep tryin?”

“‘Cause they’re supposed to,” you pout. Your brow is tight and you can feel yourself getting a headache. 

“But they don’t.”

Hearing those words from Joel–it knocks a part of you back into place. Like you had spread out into a puddle of tears and he’s scooping you back together. You’re still hurting, though. You’re still crying.

“So why do you keep tryin’?” he asks again. “When you know they don’t care?”

“Because… because I want them to. I want them to care about me. I want them to know me. It’s not fair that-that-that I’m living this whole life without them and they just… they don’t even make an effort.”

“So stop tryin’.” He shrugs. His arms are crossed against his chest. “Stop givin them the effort that they won’t give you.”

“But I have to–”

“No,” Joel says firmly. “No, you don’t.”

“But–” you’re not giving in. You refuse. Your leg is shaking. You wanna beg him. Plead him. “But they’re my family.”

Families are supposed to love each other. Share stories. Call on the weekends. They’re supposed to learn and heal together. They’re supposed to be interested in one another’s dreams and struggles and achievements. They’re supposed to be lifelong companions. And when you’re an adult–they’re supposed to make the effort to heal whatever wrongs occurred during your childhood.

“I can’t just… leave ‘em, you know?” Your lips are trembling as you try to get the words out. “I can’t just give up on them.”

“Yeah–” Joel’s eyes are wide and serious. “Yeah, you can.”

“But–”

“You don’t owe them shit, darlin’,” he says. “It don’t matter if they fuckin’ raised you.” He shrugs. “It don’t matter how much money they spent on you or the time they took outta their shitty little lives to take you to school or soccer practice or to fuckin’ feed you.” He steps closer to you. “If you feel like shit every time you talk to them or try to… reach out–then stop.” He shrugs his shoulders again. “They coulda gifted ya a million fuckin dollars and it still wouldn’t make a difference.” He stares right into your eyes. “You don’t own them anything.”

Your sobbing has ceased, though your cheeks are still wet. “Then what am I supposed to do?” you ask. What are you supposed to do with this piece of you? This solid chunk of yourself that sits in your gut. What is it supposed to do if it’s not desperate and yearning for your family’s attention and approval and support? 

“Nothin’.”

“...What?” 

“You don’t have to do anything,” he says while shaking his head.

“But…” But that didn’t make sense. You were always doing something. You were always seeking and reaching and tugging and pulling and grasping for them. You were always begging and pleading and crying and aching and needingneedingneeding them. 

“But…” And you could feel yourself releasing–like the odd burst of blood flow you got after unclenching your fists. When you had been holding onto something so tightly for so long that you stopped even feeling your own hand anymore. Didn’t know you had fingers. The only thing you noticed at the end of your arm was a strange sensation.

And when you finally let go, unpeeling your fingers, your joints moved unfamiliarly and uncomfortably. Your muscles trembled and shook–feeling weak. Your fingers were warm and tingly and pulsed. It made you think of a balloon popping–without the sharp sound. It was dull and matted and flat, but also exploding and alive and free.

“I don’t have to do … anything?” you asked. Because how the hell was that possible? Because once again, you were always doing something. Always feeling some sort of way.

“All you gotta do is live your life and do what you wanna do. In whatever way you can.” He shrugs. “If they show up, they show up.” He holds his palm out. “But you don’t owe them anything if they do. Even if they try to tell you that you owe ‘em.” He shakes his head. “You don’t.” He puts his hand on your shoulder. “Nobody asks to be born, darlin’. But that don’t give them permission to treat you like shit for it. And you don’t owe them for doin’ the bare minimum to keep you alive.”

 “So I can just… do whatever I want?” The tears return and you’re not sure why. There’s still pain inside you, stored deep in your muscles. But the twisting ache in your gut isn’t as strong as it was before. You feel lighter. Lighter than you ever have in your whole life, you think.

“You can do whatever you want.” 

You start crying again, in a mix of confusion and hurt and relief. But you’re nodding. You’re agreeing with Joel. God, you can’t imagine what you must look like right now. Probably covered in snot, swollen eyes and lips. You just cried like a little baby and he watched you and talked you through the whole thing. You feel so silly and stupid and–grateful. You feel so grateful for Joel. 

“Thank you,” you say after swallowing back tears. “Thank you for loving me,” you choke out and you reach out to hug him and his big arms wrap all the way around you. 

“Of course, darlin’” he whispers and kisses your head. His hands rub up and down your back as you sway into each other. “Of course.”

Once the tears fully stop, and you can think of your family without immediately falling apart, you sigh and let go of Joel.

His big hands cradle your face and he kisses you on the forehead. “Gonna get you some water,” he says and leaves the room.

You know this won’t be the last time you do this–grieve your family. But it’s a start. It’s a baseline. It’s a feeling you know you can seek out again when the next spiral hits. And then the next spiral. And the next. 

But it will take less time in the future when you know the destination–when you can recognize the end of the journey. And even if Joel isn’t around for those, he was around for this one. The first one and worst one. And he didn’t judge you or silence you or push you away for having your feelings or expressing yourself. He didn’t treat you like a burden or toss you aside for being you and dealing with your shit. 

And he didn’t try to replace your family. He didn’t try to become the new target of your yearning and desire and need for approval. Because he knows he can’t be that for you. He can’t be your new family–your new lifelong companion. Only you can. Only you know your own thoughts and desires and ambitions and dreams. Only you can be there inside your head at every waking moment and every sleepy night. And when that solid chunk inside of your gut starts to spread, grasping like ivy for something outside of you to fix you or approve you–you have to scoop it back in and tell it, “No. I don’t have to do anything. I can do whatever I want.”

+++++++

a/n: I'm currently enjoying my ride on the 'Joel x Reader x Healing' train. Most of my fic titles end with "(18+)" and I was tempted to put "(Fun for All Ages)" on this one 😂

[ratlesshonret]

a lot of people just generically say "it'll get better" but i wanna kinda discuss some tangible ways things could get better.

let's just say, for example, tomorrow. it's possible that tomorrow, you could:

-See a post about a piece of media that gets you into it, and you binge it and have something good in your life that you want to keep going for -Meet a person on the internet who you end up becoming good friends with, and all of a sudden you have a friend that you want to keep going for -See that an event about something you really like is announced, and now you have a date you want to keep going for -Have "That Thing You've Been Waiting For" happen and it changes your life, making you want to keep going -Find out that person who makes you miserable has died or something and you don't have to deal with their shit anymore (no judgment if there's someone in your life you just want to die already, it's a normal human feeling) -Make a spontaneous decision to get a pet (responsibly) or a new hobby or something and now you have something to fill your time that you wouldn't have imagined just today -See your favorite youtuber upload a video and it gives you just enough happiness to make it through that day -Run into someone on the street who you end up hanging out with for one reason or another, and even if it doesn't lead to anything, you end the day knowing there's good in the world and you feel better

That's just a small sampling i came up with within like ten minutes. So when people say "it gets better" it doesn't just mean "maybe tomorrow you won't wanna die as badly for some reason" but "life is a constantly unfolding web of spiraling events and tomorrow could be the day that new possibilities open up"

And you could just cry "that's gambler's fallacy" and honestly... yeah. It may seem hopeless, too. But there were many, MANY times I wanted to die and then, just days later, something happened that kept me going. Whether it was making a new friend, a new interest, starting a new scheduled group activity, or just a game I wanted being announced.