#I want to clown so badly but I don’t have it in me

[filmy939]

They literally invented love omlllll

[castielmacleod]

The grand finale of Ruby’s long-con / The Greatest Showman

[illusioninfnty]

day 31 ; sex pollen

↠ buggy the clown x reader

fandom: one piece word count: 1.6k warnings: nsfw 18+, dubcon, semi-public sex, fuck or die-ish, fingering, banter, unprotected sex, squirting, creampie

kinktober m.list || read on ao3

You know Buggy’s going to leave as soon as he gets his body back.

You’re not going to let that happen. When he finally reattaches himself, and runs off with a see ya!, you run after him.

“Stop!” you call out to him. “You need to stay and fight. We saved your ass, didn’t we?”

He turns around and sighs dramatically seeing you. “You again? Seriously sweetcheeks, would ya let me leave?”

You cross your arms, and give him the most intimidating glare you can muster. You only recently joined the crew, and you wanted to prove that you were tough enough to fight with the rest of them. Making sure that Buggy helped you guys fight Arlong and his fishmen while Luffy went to go save Nami was a way to prove yourself to them.

“I can’t let you—” you're interrupted by a fishman coming out from behind Buggy and approaching you. You whip out a dagger to prepare for his attack, but before you can get a move in he sprays some sort of powdery mist in your face, completely taking over your vision.

“Good luck trying to fight me now when you gotta deal with that,” he snickers as he runs away.

You cough and bend over, hands on your knees, as the mist lands in your nostrils and mouth. You try to swat it away in the air surrounding you, but it feels as though the mist has already gotten inside of you, and there’s no way to escape it now.

“Well, anyways, I’m going to go then,” Buggy starts, slowly backing away as he gets ready to escape.

You’re too weak to try and distracted now to try and stop him, but then your body starts to feel different. Your internal temperature skyrockets, causing beads of sweat to start dripping down your face despite the fairly average temperature outside. You can feel your body not getting hot because of that, but also the sudden arousal that threatens your core. 

Your legs begin to tremble as your body aches with need, a deep feeling in your gut that you never felt before. It’s like a hunger that needs to be sated immediately, as though it were a life or death situation. It has you wanting to just stick your fingers inside of your pussy and just fuck yourself silly until you can rid yourself of this itch you can’t seem to scratch.

“W-wait!” You call out to him. You must sound extremely desperate, because Buggy actually stops and turns towards you instead of ignoring your pleas.

You swallow hard and continue. “I need…help.” Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth as you grit out your words, embarrassed by just how much you want the stupid clown to fuck you. You can already feel how wet you are through your bottoms, and as the seconds tick by it feels as though your arousal is going to start spilling out onto the floor. “Need you to fuck me. Please.”

You’re too ashamed of your desperation to look Buggy in the face to see his reaction to your words. You only know of his answer when you fall to your knees, legs too weak to hold yourself up, and you feel his palm on your back.

“Well when you look like that, how can I say no?” Sarcasm drips in his voice, and you can tell he’s not really taking you seriously.

“I’m serious!” You try to sound as adamant as you can given how weak you feel at the moment.

“So am—” You interrupt him, finally having enough, by grabbing him by the back of his neck and smashing your lips against his own in a kiss.

His own hands move to cup your face, and you open your mouth up to let his tongue in. As the kiss becomes sloppy, you start to rid yourself of your clothes, needing your body to cool down.

He pulls away as he sees you baring yourself to him, eyes widening and a smirk overtaking his face. “Woah, didn’t realize you wanted to fuck me so badly. I would’ve happily done it if you were nice and asked.”

You don’t have it in you to protest him now. Instead you move your fingers inside of you, your juices gushing out of you despite the lack of attention your pussy had been receiving.

“The shit he sprayed me with,” you start. You lay yourself on the ground, arching your back as you piston your fingers in and out of you, praying that you find your release soon.

Buggy hums in thought. “I should be thanking him, then. Got myself a nice view.”

“You can do that after you fuck me.” The next thing you know his cock is inside of you, and he’s thrusting with the vigor of a man starved. You moan and arch yourself into him, your hands scrambling as they claw at his back. You wrap your legs around him, wanting to keep him close as his thick cock ruts into you.

You don’t think sex had ever felt this good before. Your juices are squirting out of you, proving to be a great replacement for lube, and your walls clench down hard on Buggy’s cock, like a vice. He groans above you as you tighten your grip around him, walls fluttering as they refuse to let him leave you.

The pleasure is too much for you to bear, and you can hardly talk. Your eyes roll back into your head and your tongue lolls out of your mouth, drool escaping the corners of your lips.

All that comes out of your mouth and pathetic whimpers and breaths of yes, yes, yes as Buggy fucks you with reckless abandon.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he grits out as his muscles bulge from holding you down with so much force. His hips collide with your own, the sounds of your skin slapping loud enough to draw the attention of anyone who would’ve been in the vicinity of the two of you. “Shoulda fucked you when I first saw you. Lookin’ all cute in slutty in your little pirate getup.”

You know you should feel insulted by the way he technically insinuated you were “playing” pirate, but the horny, afflicted side of you only chooses to focus on the yearning in his voice of wanting to fuck you, and how his cock is hitting parts of you that make you see stars.

It comes to no surprise to you that your orgasm is already closely approaching within minutes of having Buggy’s cock fucking into you. Your nails dig into his skin, and your whines increase in pitch and speed.

“I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” Buggy groans as you clench down even harder around his cock, as impossible as it may seem, and your orgasm crashes into you like a wave. You can only gasp out curses as you squirt all over his cock, your juices rushing out of you wildly.

Your release soaks yourself and him, both inside and out. Buggy’s orgasm isn’t too far behind as his hips begin to stutter in their rhythm and soon he’s moaning lowly in your ear and filling you to the brim.

A sudden rush of calmness washes over you as Buggy’s cum fills you up. It’s like all of the horniness and desperation for sex escapes your body as soon as it comes into contact with his cum. Your body temperature returns to normal, and the shaking of your body is solely in response to your orgasm instead of the deep aching within your core that seemed as though it could never be satiated.

You hold onto him for a couple of moments longer, catching your breath and coming down from your high as Buggy’s arms also remain wrapped around you and his cock stays nestled inside your entrance.

It’s then that you hear your name being called out in the distance. It seems as though while you were affected by the mist powder, your crew had completed all they set out to do.

Not wanting them to see you in the precarious situation you’re in, covered in juices and Buggy on top of you, still inside your entrance, you scramble away from him. Stumbling as you put your pants back on, ignoring the way his cum pools out of you, you give him a kick to his side.

“Ow!” He whines, rubbing the area you made contact with.

“Get out of here!” you whisper to him, despite no one being around you for probably miles out. “If they see us like this I’m totally screwed!”

He rolls his eyes, but still goes to stand up and get dressed again. “Oh, what? Embarrassed to be seen with me? Real original.” 

Your eyes narrow and you cross your arms. “I am trying to make a good impression with my crew, and this—” your hands gesture to yourself and Buggy—“is not going to help that.”

Buggy holds his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. But you owe me one.” He begrudgingly begins to leave by walking backwards, his eyes on yours the entire time. “Next time we meet, I'll have you help me out with something.” He wiggles his eyebrows in a way that makes you want to cringe, yet you can’t find it in yourself to dismiss him completely.

You shoo him away, ignoring the way heat rises to your cheeks. “Maybe. Now scram.”

You see your crew approach just as Buggy is out of sight. Thinking about your encounter with him more, technically, your mission was a success. You’d call it a win in your books.

[whatbigotspost]

That baby naming job post has got me remembering…the answer to “how can you make a living doing THAT??” is almost always:

“… there’s this whole subculture of people who are obsessed with things that would be considered ‘luxury brands.’ They believe prestige is purchased. They actually have the belief fully throughout their worldview so strongly, that if something is more expensive, it must be worth it. It must be better. This is most often true because they are (if not ultra wealthy) at least the landlord class and/or the kind of people who have money to burn and are trying to figure out ways to spend it. It is an unshakable principle to them if something has a giant price tag on it, it is something that you should want because it is better and ‘for you’ because it’s special because it’s for the people who have money.”

They love a “boutique” or “bespoke” illusion. Anything to feel like The Normies can’t also have this. And the saddest thing is that there is a whole other subculture of people under the “I am a Luxury Brand Person” umbrella who don’t even have the money who just go into debt trying to keep up the appearances of this kind of lifestyle because they want to be luxury people that badly. And luxury brands and niche services like life coaching or naming your kid or getting your kid into The Best School DEPEND on exploiting these people for profit by dangling the tantalizing concept of “it’s special and expensiveeeeee” to said socio-economic social climbers who think spending money they don’t have will ultimately result in having said money.

And it doesn’t, actually.

Anyway, happy labor day and as always: solidarity forever. The landlord class and the ultra wealthy don’t give a fuck about us and the best we can do is take full big “that’s so goddamn stupid” shits on anything they tell us special. Liiike….

Your cyber truck is a hideous abomination.

Your gentrifier white gray and beige house is exchangeable with any other and it made me puke anyway.

That Burberry is just plaid you idiots.

The local gym or a casual walk is just as effective for getting adequate exercise as your personal trainer.

Your life coach is a snake oil salesman.

A target tote is cuter than your birkin bag.

That lululemons gonna be see through as hell on your ass when your bend over at your thin white lady only yoga class.

$400 Prada sunglasses still break if you sit on them just like the free pair from your eye doctor.

You never needed a smart fridge, you colossal fool.

You look like a fucking clown in those balenciaga shoes.

The emperor has no goddamn clothes.

[star-girl69]

giving the people what they want 🙏

warnings: ofc swearing and yes we get VERY freaky yet AGAIN, y/n refers to herself as kk’s controversially young gf bc i think it’s funny, deal w it

—-

you: babe we should do this trend

kk: yes come over

kk: don’t even have to film it i’ll do it for free

you: i know u wanna kiss me 💋

kk: i think that’s obvious

you: no it’s a tik tok sound

kk: ok great come over and kiss me

you: ok… calm down… i’m coming

kk: really???

you: what is wrong with u.

kk: i’m sorry plz forgive me ma’am

—-

you: come over

kk: yes i’m omw

you: amazing response time btw

—-

YOU: WHWN THEY CALLED OFF THE CIRCUS BURNED THR DISCO DOWN WHEN THEY SENT HOME THE HORSED AND THE RODEO CLOWNS IM STILL OM THAT TIGHTROPE IM STILL TRYING EVERYTHING TO GET U LAUGHINF AT ME AND IM STILK A BELIEVER BUT I DONT KNOW WHY IVE NEVER BEEN A NATURAL ALL I DO IS TRY TRY TRY IM STILL ON THAT TRAPEZE IM STILK TRYING EVERYTHING TO KEEP U LOOKING AF ME

kk: is this taylor swift?

you: omg u got it right?? i’m so proud ❤️

kk: i learned from the best 💪

—-

you: why do u have no food in ur apartment

kk: ?? we have food

you: literally here rn and u don’t

kk: me and laila went shopping yesterday babe

you: *laila and i

kk: same thing

kk: i’m sure u can find something

you: i cant and im starving

kk: baby there’s food

you: i’m never eating again bye

you: i hate u healthy freaks

you: buy potato chips like normal ppl

kk: okay baby

…

you: i was hangry im sorry

kk: i figured 😂 no worries babe

kk: did u eat?

you: yes i had to doordash tho

kk: 🙄

—-

kk: i love u

you: PLEASE DONT KYS

kk: what????

you: i’m sorry it’s an automatic response

you: i love u too ❤️

kk: u confuse me sometimes

you: then i’m succeeding at being ur controversially young gf who’s references u don’t understand 🫡

—-

you: do u hate me?

kk: no ofc not

you: are u sure?

kk: yes i’m sure where is this coming from babe?

you: u let go of my hand earlier ☹️

kk: babe are u fr rn?

you: bye u hate me ok i’ll just see myself out

kk: and i’ll just drag u right back in bc i don’t hate u

kk: when did i even let go of ur hand?

you: when u were adjusting the bags ☹️

kk: ok so

kk: i let go of ur hand for one second to adjust the shopping bags i was carrying for u and u think i hate u?

you: yes exactly

you: do u?

kk: i love u my very clingy girl 😂

—-

kk: what is aura?

you: like aura points or the actual metaphysical thing

you: pls use it in a sentence

kk: “this dance is giving u negative aura points”

you: ok translation: doing this dance makes u look like a fucking loser

you: basically it’s like coolness

you: like if i tell someone “outfit gives u +1000 aura points” i’m basically saying like ur fit ate

kk: oh i see

kk: thank u baby

you: controversially young gf to the rescue 🫡

kk: u do realize ur not that much younger than me right

kk: like it’s not controversial

you: can u let me have this.

kk: okay baby ur my controversially young gf

you: thank u very much ❤️

—-

you: stop cheating on me.

kk: excuse me?

kk: i’m literally standing across from u. we’re in the same room right now

you: tell that bitch to back off before i do

kk: are u jealous?

you: obviously not. come here now

you: please

kk: yes ma’am

kk: i don’t even know who ur talking about btw

you: the blonde?

kk: i was genuinely too busy looking at u to notice

—-

you: omg this is so us.

kk: it’s a deer and a raccoon??

you: u just don’t get it…

kk: what is there to get

you: see the deer is me and u are the raccoon and the raccoon is hugging and kissing the deer

you: bc like ur so clingy

kk: unfortunately that makes sense

—-

you: i miss you

kk: yeah baby?

you: please come over

kk: i cant rn babe

you: please baby i miss u so muchhhh

kk: i’m sorryyyy sweetheart

kk: i’ll see what i can do but probably in an hour yeah?

you: that’s too long

you: come over now

kk: i’m sorry babe i cant

you: please caroline

you: i need you

kk: 30 mins

you: i need u really badly though…

kk: 20 minutes i promise

you: caroline please i really really need u rn

you: u know where i need u

kk: be there in 5

—-

[cookiesaddict]

I wanna go a bit more in debt about Blitz in the recent episode.

Like I said before, Blitz uses sex as a means to no end. We have seen him doing it with the grimoire, and with Chaz to find out what m&m likes in bed.

He does seem the have some sense of morality? Blitz seemed to be taking down Chaz’ offer of hooking up with him at first, because he’s m&m’ ex, and he did hurt them badly. When Chaz told him he can show what m&m likes in bed, Blitz accepted the deal. Like I said, Blitz uses sex as a transaction.

Blitz accepting the deal because he wants to know what m&m likes in bed is nothing new. Blitz is obsessed with their relationship, because he wants a relationship like they have. So it’s no surprise why he did it. I wonder that the reason of Blitz using sex as a tool like with Stolas and Chaz, is not only to get what he wants such as the grimoire and to find out what m&m likes in bed, but also to get at least some form love and attachment without having to get emotionally close to anyone.

Blitz craves love and attachment. Despite wanting it, he feels unworthy of it. He’s scared to get emotionally close to anyone. He believes that he will ruin that person’s life or hurt them in some way if he does. Or that he may get hurt himself. So Blitz being Blitz, he puts on a clown mask so to speak, and pretends that everything is fine. He is so scared that he verbally attacks anyone who gets too close, so he could keep them at arms length.

Anyway, sex is a skill Blitz is good at, he knows that so he uses it. He already knew Chaz hurted m&m, and after hooking up with him he got really suspicious. If the sex was bad, then Chaz must really have hurt m&m. Blitz wants to protect m&m, so he snoops around to see what Chaz was up too, and sure enough he finds out Chaz’ real plan.

To me, Blitz doesn’t seem to be fine after hooking up with Chaz? I don’t think it’s because the sex was bad? Maybe he is sad because hooking up with Chaz was nothing like hooking up with Stolas? Chaz literally used Blitz like a toy, and Stolas never did. Maybe Blitz realizes that now deep down that Stolas didn’t used him like a toy but Chaz did, and that the prince might really care about him? Or is it my Stolitz shippers heart talking?

[pedge-page]

I'm new to ur page idk if this is done but I...I want Joel to piss inside a plushie....

Puddles - a Plushies x PK drabble

Notes: I've been waiting to write this one so here we go! Can read more plushies!Joel through Plushies Series masterlist, though they can all be read as standalone fics

Warnings: Pisskink!Joel, piss kink, Drunk!Joel, solo masturbation with a stuffed animal, yes he is pissing inside poor plushie, plushie fucking briefly

18+ ONLY

- - - -

He may have gone a little bit overboard when Tommy invited him for the crew’s so-called ‘happy hour get together’. He knew they all liked to go out and celebrate with a few drinks after completing a project, and this last one they just wrapped up for some posh client with outrageous requests was no different. 

Joel usually liked to skip out on them. First, because he didn’t want to know what these clowns might be up to when they get tipsy, letting whatever sober-less things go on follow his mind to the next job site. But also because he’s getting too old for that college level shit. Hangovers aren’t nearly as fun when you’re pushing well past middle age. 

But, he didn’t want to be home alone since you were going to be working late.

So, two beers turned into twelve and a few more various alcohol spiked beverages here and there, and boom. Joel’s swaying side to side along the sidewalk with Tommy guiding him all the way up the front door.

“You sure you don’t need me, brother?” Tommy asks hesitantly. 

Joel, with lolling eyes and a grin, confidently waves him off after successfully entering his key into the door after 6 tries.

He stumbles through into the dark alone, and the first thing that hit him is how badly he wants to curl up on your plushie filled bed. He thought about you all night; your shampoo filling his nose when you cuddle him, the smooth streak of your naked back when you finish a shower, the wet indulgence of your pussy when he eats you out.

He’s never going to admit it, but the man is clingy as shit when you’re around. And he’s craving some much needed plushie pussy time.

Shit, the alcohol is really swimming in his brain. 

And, he realizes, with a firm and shiver-some squeeze to his crotch, elsewhere in his body. 

Ironically, the bathroom is not what beckons him.

With a devious smirk, he instead tumbles into the bedroom. Through the moonlit drapes, a wave of beady eyed babies stare back at him.

“Hello freaks,” he chuckles. They probably miss you too. Honestly it’s really rude, if you think about it, the way you abandon your buddies here AND Joel all in one night? Atrocious behavior. Someone ought to teach you better.

“Daddy’s home."

He falls forward, his knees catching the edge of the bed. An array of colorful volunteers practically jumping up and down at his presence to be engulfed by the precious aroma of Joel Miller.

That’s how drunk-Joel is seeing it. In reality, if they could run for their fluffy lives, they would. 

A quick hand snatches one yellow blob by its neck. His eyes struggle to get a clear picture—whether from the alcoholic haze or the darkness obscuring his vision. Possibly both. The dark bill and flappy arms come into focus.

“Duck,” he muses to himself. “Bet ya name is Duckie, some shit like that. She ain't good with the namein.” He rolls the unfortunate one over to its back, inspecting its caliber. Its definitely older: matted fur smushed down in certain areas, lack of vibrant coloring, some faded and torn edged fabric on its bow tie. Bitty holes sewn up here and there with mismatched (and poorly seemed) threaded needle. Your college waitressing job used to be for a place called the Quavern, so this little guy’s gotta be your graduation farewell from that team.

“Well mister Quakers. You n' me gonna get to know each other real well right now. Got something I need ya to hold f’me,” Joel slurs. One hand frees the button of his jeans while the other begins to prod at a loose tear in poor DuckDuck’s underside. He pokes and prods and scissors a little too harshly with his sausage fingers before a tell-tale rip echoes in the room. “Oops,” he chuckles with very little guilt as he forces the hole a bit wider and palms his crotch a bit harder. 

Yeah, he gets hard when touching your stuffed animals. He can’t help it! With all the naughty activities you do with them, they’re practically hug buddies by day, sex toy by night. His mind feels foggy, but the building sensation along his lower stomach is the only thing churning his actions. With a few lazy pumps, Joel slots his mushroom tip at the cottony hole he’s made in the poor plush. He pushes through, groaning with his head tossed slightly back as dry softness envelops his pulsing length. 

“Shit—that’s it. Take it little guy.” He bites his lips and peers below, watching his dick penetrate the stuffed animal.

He knows he should put it down, sew it up, put it back, and go do his business in the bathroom like a good, well trained boyfriend. But then again, he knows how fucking pissed you’ll be if he defiles your plushies again. Then you’ll never leave him unattended at home, and that means more pussy drinking and rubbing on these fuckers for him.

Joel doesn’t even realize he’s pissing inside the poor animal until it starts to sag heavily with the weight and wetness coating his hand. “Ooohhhhhhhhhh,” he gasps with furrowed brows. As his bladder empties, the duck grows damper and darker, the fur and cotton soaking it up from the inside out until it’s dripping down his ballsack.  He thrusts inside a few times, the warm wet sensation making him choke out a curse. It’s not quite like your pussy, but the heat is better than nothing. He pushes it flush against his pubic bone, another rush of liquid hissing through and muffled by Mr Quack’s soft innards.

If he wasn’t so fucking wasted right now, he’d fuck it into oblivion. give it the good ol'Miller beating. Fertilize its eggs, if you will. But with his bathroom situation now relieved, Joel yanks the thing off and chucks it to the ground. His brain collapses just as he falls towards the bed, drowning in his own much needed slumber.

-

you shake your head and laugh, hands on your hips at the sight in front of you.

Joel’s out cold face forward in your bed. His jeans are loosely wrapped around his hips and his old tee still on, so if it wasn’t for his loud snoring, you’d assume the man was dead. He hadn’t even made it fully on the bed, his tip toes still holding him up on the floor and legs dangling at an angle.

A few of your stuffed animals had managed to crawl out from underneath him, scattered around when he most likely dropped onto the bed. You pick them up one by one: dusty Carly the Crow, the now famed Mr Oinkers (with battery pack turned OFF), Whiskers the Cat, and poor old Puddles the Duc—

Your disgusted screech has Joel sitting up so fast he nearly capsizes off the bed. The confused, hungover lump is met with his bewildered and screaming girlfriend who’s yanking him by the neck and wringing him viciously with as much might as you can muster.

“STOP—FUCKING—PISSING—IN—MY—PLUSHIES!” You roar with wild eyes and gritted teeth, choking him within an inch of his life. You shake his neck up and down like you’re going to hammer his head into the bed post. 

It takes him a moment, with wide eyes and hands wrapped around your wrists, before his gaze lands on the poorly discarded evidence of last night: a very overly yellow duck soaking into the floor boards in a puddle of liquid gold.

- - - -

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow

[love-fictional-ppl]

Heath Ledger’s joker as a bf

Pairings: joker x fem!reader

Warnings: language, joker (he needs his own warning) marijuana, blood, criminal activities🥸 smut, etc.

A/N: requested by my home girl😭🤞 (h/c) is hair color

SFW:

On the occasion he gives you a gift, just remember he didn’t pay for it

Both of you dying your hair together and then getting into a hair dye fight where in the end both of you are covered in green and (h/c)

Will force you to rob a bank with him atleast once

If, IF he showers he will make you join him

He smokes/takes Eddies so going to McDonald’s in the middle of the night is a routine at this point

Nighttime, dancing in the rain in Gotham together

Batman impersonations are your inside joke

Sharing your intrusive thoughts with each other and laughing about it like it’s the most normal thing ever

He will not go to the hospital unless he’s shot really badly so most the time he will have you help clean him up after getting into with Bruce.

If you ask him to do his hair or make up (not clown make up) he might say yes but only after a certain exchange iykyk

Will not tell you his real name until like 8 months into your relationship and he does it in the most random and casual way ever. It makes me giggle so lemme play it out for you😭

You’re sat at the table in the kitchen eating cereal while reading the newspaper, Joker sleeping still or so you thought.

“Jack.”

You jump out of the chair landing on the grown, on your ass. Looking up you see the joker standing in the doorway. You annoyed now half-shout, “Who tf is jack?!”

“Me,” he responds simply, “my name is jack.”

“Oh. Well next time don’t scare me!”

Randomly asks shit like “would you rather your brain in a cockroach’s body or a cockroach’s brain in your body?”

Does not filter himself in public so strangers do get details about your sex life

AND SPEAKING OF WHICH

TIME FOR THE NSFW PART

NSFW:

He definitely is a fan of doggy style, when you do doggy he like to put you in a chokehold

Likes to tie you up

He’s dominant that’s a fact, if you want to top him you gotta plead a little bit

Will ask to try new things a lot

Loves getting head more than giving it I feel like

Likes to cum in you or on your stomach

Overstimulation king 👑

Has a mushroom tip🫥

Tbh gives no fucks about ppl being around like he has fingered you in front of a train full of people

He hates condoms but doesn’t want kids so you better be on the pill or ready for the consequences

Degrades you and call you shit like:

“Slut”

“Whore”

“Cock sleeve”

“Cum dump”

But he also will mix nicer pet names in like:

“Pretty girl”

“Hot stuff”

“Sugar”

“Baby”

“Good lookin’”

He sucks with aftercare ngl

Most he’ll do is bring you water and cuddle a bit

Tbh that’s all I can think of😭😭😭

[hellsbeenbettersincehesplit]

au where the clown pageant that Fizz quits during is about a month after the end of Season 1, and Charlie and Vaggie were in the audience. They saw Fizz quitting, and Charlie definitely took notice of Ozzie protecting Fizz.

(“Why the fuck are you two dressed like clowns?” Angel asks when they got back.

“Everyone else had merch, so I picked the nicest shirt,” responded Vaggie in her Glitz and Glam t-shirt.

“He was so nice to this one kid, and then he had that song!” Charlie responded while wearing a Fizzarolli hat.

“Wait,” Angel said in disbelief. “You two went to a circus for your date?”

“It was Charlie’s turn to pick the place,” was Vaggie’s only defense.

“It was actually a clown pageant!” Charlie clarified. “Vaggie’s missed so much of hell because I thought she was stuck here in Pride. It’s been three years, and she hasn’t even been to the harvest moon festival in Wrath!”)

And. Well. Charlie sees it, and she immediately thinks of Angel Dust. And if Ozzie could get Fizz out of his deal, maybe he could get Angel out of his. She was… pretty sure Lucifer was on good terms with the other deadly sins? Maybe? And she remembers how badly interfering with Angel’s work life without him wanting her too went last time, but she doesn’t want to get Angel’s hopes up for nothing, so she jumps to calling Ozzie anyway.

(“Let me get this straight,” the king of lust said. “You want me to get involved in overlord politics? No. No way. I stay out of pride for a reason.”

“I can pay?” She really couldn’t, honestly.

“Look, I know I’m the sin of lust, but I have a boyfriend.” And wow, Ozzie looked really happy to be saying that last part.

“And I have a girlfriend. I meant money.”

Ozzie sighed. “Look. I don’t know shit about sinner contracts, ok? If he sold his soul, nobody can just overpower their way out of that. If anyone could, it would’ve been Lucifer, and you’d have gone to him if he could, wouldn’t you?”

Charlie nodded, trying fruitlessly not to let her disappointment show.

“That being said, if you can get a copy of the contract, I… know a guy who may be able to find a loophole.”)

And then, somehow, Stolas ends up agreeing to go to the hotel and reads over the contract. You guys remember when Fizz got captured and he thoroughly read all that legal stuff? It’s that scene again, but at the hotel.

He also brings Blitzø for security. Blitzø meets Cherri Bomb at the bar while she’s waiting for Angel to be done with all the contract stuff. This is the start of a ride-or-die and terrifying friendship.

Anyway, I’m not sure if Stolas would find a loophole or not yet, but I do kind of think he would bc this is Val we’re talking about.

[hey-august]

In what feels like a post from ages ago you talked about Buggy and opposing headcanons of him you enjoy at the same time. One of these was “Outgoing and confident flirty Buggy who makes panties drop all around him.” Vs “Creepy clown not having much experience besides rigging his own mast.” Or something to that effect so…. Surprisingly a virgin!Buggy would not be out of the question y/n? I can see it honestly, secret romantic who never done anything with anyone because it didn’t “seem right” regretting it as soon as reader insert comes along because now he has no experience to show for all That romanticism and he’s sure if he doesn’t impress in the first act they are never gonna attend a repeat performance and all in all it’s just a miserable time, until reader grabs him by his adorably flushed cheeks and turns his face to them, assuring him that they are gonna have PLENTY of practice takes in the future if he’ll only be honest enough to communicate what he wants and is ready to listen to their input, so he better drop the high and mighty ring leader act and turn back into that adorably awkward clown they fell for… don’t mind me I just really like hcs of non young adult characters loosing their virginity and with Buggy it just… FITS so well yanno?

Listen anon, I am RIGHT THERE with you. 😩😩😩😩

I can absolutely see a romantic-at-heart Buggy, who overthinks every interaction. (Not to mention getting in his own way because of low self-esteem.)

But when someone is able to break through that barrier he’s built up, those giddy little butterflies are taking flight in his stomach. His heart is going pitter patter. His pants are getting tight.

It’ll still be a struggle - Buggy’s just so used to protecting himself. However, the right look, a little touch, a small comment - just the right thing and it’s like a switch flips. Eyes that fall from his face when he’s talking, going on a leisurely journey of his body. A hand on the back of his neck. A whispered compliment.

He’s blushing under all that face paint. Wringing his hands because he wants to put them on you so badly, but he’s nervous. He doesn’t want to fuck up. He stammers through a silly pick-up line, acting like it’s a joke.

But when you agree, all he can do is nod and awkwardly follow you to bed. Because goddamn does he want you so badly. He wants you to know how you make him feel. He wants to make you feel good.

And he’s willing to learn. ---

BTW, for more virgin!Buggy needs, I recommend There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin by @rorywritesjunk It's about a virgin touch-starved Buggy and a non-binary OC, and oh so good.

[angelsdean]

not 2 be a clown but i really Do in my heart of hearts believe that destiel was supposed to go canon more explicitly with, if not full reciprocation from dean, then at least very obvious subtextual reciprocation. and that’s why everything is so messy in the last two eps. like i think about LAMP and that whole dance sequence and the subtext was THERE. dean’s aborted confession in the trap. dean questioning what’s real and the answer being ‘we are.’ it was all THERE and building. the confession, as much as we love it, was choppy as FUCK. it was badly edited, the shots are all over the place, extreme close-ups jumping to wide shots. the goddamn shove to the wrong wall. not good cinematography. and we know a lot of dean’s reactions were cut. we pretty much figured out the ‘don’t do this cas’ was supposed to come before the ‘i love you.’ we know cas was supposed to be in the last two eps. we Know he was meant to be in the finale. and i have Never bought the “jimmy” explanation for that either. i’m sorry but that does not make sense at all and it’s 100% in my opinion a lie they told to keep fans from being even more enraged abt cas being cut from the finale. like if he was never meant to actually be there then ok fine, sucks but ok. but if cas WAS meant to be there and they CUT HIM ??? RAGE !!!! like it makes no sense to bring back jimmy for the series finale even if they wanted to go the super tragic route like....noah fence to jimmy but who tf is thinking abt jimmy novak in 2020. and esp since cas was supposedly out of the empty and had ‘helped’ rebuild heaven....he’d literally be there !! people lie ok and they lied abt that jimmy ending lmao. esp after misha said there was ‘another ending’ where cas is in the roadhouse with dean and it’s in sam’s pov meaning years after dean died, meaning they’ve been in heaven together a long time at this point. anyways, my third eye is open and i’ve Seen the truth and i Know the real ending (which still would not have been great at all bc they’d be DEAD) involved dean and cas together at the roadhouse (i saw you funko pops) being no-so-subtextually flirty and sam showing up and kansas the band plays while deancas play footsies at the bar. but the see-double-yew killed it bc they suck and hate love. but i SAW it. i know it’s real. apollo prophecy ball hit me. 

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

on the subject of Frank, Frank & Julie, and Franklydear 

I used to think that Frank will probably be one of the more skeptical puppets, and prone to being one of the first to see that not all is as it seems. And I think the majority of us think/thought this! 

But thanks to Riv i have entirely changed my tune. I think Frank will actively be avoiding the truth & clinging to the illusion. Here’s why!

Frank is portrayed as the most “rigid” neighbor - hell, it’s even part of his design! He likes routine, rules, for things to be ‘just so’ in his eyes. He doesn’t seem to like it when things stray from how they’re supposed to be. Everything has a time and a place. 

(and this might be mildly insane but blame Riv not me bc they said it, but in Just So Frank says “i like it best when red goes in front of the rest”, and if red is Wally… dot dot dot…) 

Then there’s how Frank will very likely be trying extremely hard to be something he’s not. And this is part of his design, too - he’s the only one in the cast without a natural blush. Yes, we’ve seen art where he can blush, but that’s in specific situations. In the bio images Frank is the only one without that little extra bit of color to his cheeks - he has two huge red splotches on him instead. Fake blush. Big and bright and impossible to ignore. 

And I’m gonna be diving a bit into Franklydear & Frank’s relationship with Julie because it’s important to this. 

I have also changed my tune on Franklydear - slightly. Welcome Home seems to be an example of nonlinear storytelling, as we’ve been getting bits and pieces from all over the place. The Live Interview from the early days, WHRP & Wally’s secret vinyl audios from “now”, the bug audios from an indeterminate time… so while I do think Franklydear is “already happening” within the main meat of the “past”, we will likely also get a chance to see before and after. And I do think there will be an after.

But I’m getting ahead of myself! Why do I think we’re going to see an established Franklydear? I’m going to be honest. A kofi post that I accidentally saw when a friend was sharing their screen with me and didn’t notice until it was too late </3 I should have looked away! But I didn’t, and that’s on me! I won’t say what I saw (it would be a theory anyways, nothing explicit or concrete in the evidence!) but it immediately convinced me that Frank & Eddie are in a secret relationship. I want to say more very badly, but if i’m proven right in tonight’s stream then I will be sharing Why I’m right. 

More reasoning that is obvious with this context - the whole “Mr. Dear / Frank- i mean Mr. Frankly!” thing might be part of this fabricated distance. I would completely believe you if you told me that Frank had them both refer to each other professionally to keep up the facade that they’re nothing but neighbors, nothing going on here nosiree. They definitely don’t meet in the woods to be romantic! That added with how unusually playful Frank is with Eddie in 8-14 is interesting… though I can also believe that those audios are from “before” their relationship, given that Frank seems to be dropping a hint with the whole “ You don’t need to be that familiar with them in order to get to know them better!” line. I don’t know - there are a bunch of contradictions that could be them acting, could be differences in the timeline, who’s to say yet! 

Anyway, so Franklydear is likely in a secret relationship, but I think Frank is going to get scared, call it off, and try to force a relationship with Julie. As in lying to her and everyone that he has feelings for her, and fulfilling their “destiny” in becoming a couple. I think Frank is where a lot of the internalized homophobia is going to come in.

In most of the Franklydear art we’ve seen from Clown, Frank seems to be very nervous and flustered around Eddie while Eddie seems to be more calm and forward. Frank has already proven to have a bit of a nervous disposition - he’s certainly high strung. That combined with his rigidity, the airs he puts on, and just… everything about him really, I don’t think he’ll be able to handle the pressure. 

(side note: the way that Clown said that he wishes they hadn’t let everyone know about Franklydear, it’s ok because it’s “not a major spoiler” has been fucking me up a little. Wym it’s not a Major spoiler? It’s so funny… we’ve all been like “Franklydear will be Thee relationship and a big thing-” and then it’s Not. lmao) 

Then there’s the song Clown associates with Franklydear, “Esperar pra ver”. @/Theneighborhoodwatch gave a translation/interpretation of the lyrics - cannot for the life of me find the og ask/post to link, but (if I’m remembering correctly) it was essentially said that the song is about love that doesn’t last / lost love. My friend Akemi (@/akemima <3) provided an alternate interpretation - to quote:

“...to me, it speaks about how they’re both Unable to speak up about their love? and the “wait and see” part is most likely them waiting for the other to make a first step or like. something Hopeful yknow?”

As both a tragedy enjoyer and a happy-end enjoyer, I wouldn’t mind either interpretation being accurate, personally! So Akemi has given us a sprinkle of hope for Franklydear! I think that both interpretations have merit, and hey, they can coexist. We might have them together, then Frank getting scared and calling it off, and then a “third arc” of them wanting to be back together but unable to (yet). Who’s to say! 

ON TO THE JULIE PORTION.

For a while I thought that Julie might be the one to pursue a relationship with Frank - both because of the subconscious influence of her “Role” & that she’s bi while Frank is gay. On surface level she would be the most likely of the two to get the wrong/mixed signals and Go For It.

However. Nothing about this project is surface level. 

I’ve already mentioned that I think Frank is going to try very hard to be something he isn’t. And this is backed by how his relationship with Julie is portrayed (another thank you to Riv for pointing a lot of this out & smacking some sense into me <3) 

Frank is all about rules and matching. Julie is all about improv and independence. Riv pointed out that in “Just So” the audio distorts when Frank is changing bowties and Julie asks if it “really matters”. They also pointed out that, apparently in the Halloween outfit references, Frank’s notes indicate that he’s matching with Julie - but Julie doesn’t have any reciprocating notes. It implies that she was doing her own thing and Frank adjusted himself accordingly. Julie goes along with Frank sometimes, but it seems that it’s usually Frank scrambling to go along with Julie. She’s been described as independent and stubborn. Frank is a bit more of a conforming pushover (no offense Frankie, love ya to bits <3). 

Frank is the straightman to Julie’s… I can’t reference the bios anymore but you know! He might be her straightman in more ways than just “he takes things seriously.” 

And really. Frank likes routine, he likes things to be consistent. He’s been with Julie as her best friend / “partner” for so long that I’m not sure if he can easily break away from that - I think a change as big as getting romantically involved with Eddie would terrify him. It might be thrilling for a moment, but then the fear will set in. 

I thought Julie would be the one clinging to Frank, but it’s the other way around isn’t it? 

Frank gets scared & then leads Julie on because he’s trying to act “normal”, the way that’s expected of him. And it fits. One of WH’s themes is the fear of being shunned for / perceived as different by others. Once they know what you are, will they treat you the same? 

And I don’t think Julie would be entirely opposed, either. I wouldn’t blame her for developing a crush on Frank. I mean, it might turn out that she’s “just going along with it” because she feels the same pressure and fear, but hm… I’m not convinced of that given what we know about her character. But if Julie has a little crush on Frank, I wouldn’t be surprised if when he forces himself to like her & initiates a relationship, she either realizes that it really was just a crush, or she’ll pick up on how Frank doesn’t actually have feelings & act accordingly. This option has more merit in my eyes. I think it would also reflect on the “love” theme of her house - I’ve speculated since pretty much day one that she’ll have an arc around realizing that she doesn’t need a relationship or even really want one at present, going against what Playfellow likely wanted from her. 

(and then I start thinking about the whole livestream trivia thing of Julie maybe falling down a hole or into some abyss… and the concept art of her shoes where she’s standing at the edge of a dark abyss… does she fall, does she jump, or is she pushed? If she winds up being pushed, who does it? Barnaby (milk theory babey!) or perhaps she’ll get in a fight with Frank and in the heat of the moment he accidentally causes her to fall, either by pushing or making her lose awareness of her surroundings (backing off of the edge?). I’m aware that this paragraph is a stretch all around! Don’t take it too seriously! A pinch of salt, people!)

There’s not much else to be said so, in conclusion:

Welcome Home’s storytelling is likely on a nonlinear timeline, Franklydear is established but won’t last, and Frank/Julie is probably going to become a temporary thing

[accio-victuuri]

sharing this new fake rumor posted over at zsww fake house. it’s a pretty long one ✌🏼going by the conversations, i think the intent here is to supplement their alleged meet up recently. usual disclaimer, this is not real. treat as fan fiction. there are some unnecessary bits omitted but very minimal. just so it wouldn’t be a full translation.

XZ: Don’t worry, I haven’t downloaded it yet.

XZ: Yeah, I know

XZ: I said it

XZ: Well, then I’ll start here.

XZ: Try to be early

XZ: 🫵🏻 Watch for some time

staff: Don’t worry

It has been arranged, but it is not necessary, but there is a sense of ceremony, so I went to prepare it.

people interpret this as XZ watching WoF! i’m cackling cause he is asking the staff to watch it too when he is not looking. reminds me of that other rumor that WYB does the same. he asks staff to watch and then they will tell him what happened if he is too busy to. and he is saying to wyb to come early, maybe he wants to watch it together!

XZ: Don’t move, just lie down.

WYB: It’s okay

WYB: I fell asleep in the car for a while

XZ: Are your legs sore?

WYB: Not bad

WYB: Why do you look at me like that?

XZ: What do you think?

WYB: ☺️ 😏😏😏

XZ: Virtue

WYB: 😀😀

WYB: It's okay. Look. Okay.

WYB: It’s starting to itch a little bit

XZ: Don’t buckle

as for the “virtue” term i looked it up on baidu and it seems like this is used more on the reason of telling WYB off cause what he is thinking is 😏😏.

the itching is probably the wound he has on his hand that is drying up now. and how xz is so concerned for wyb! AHHHHHHH!

XZ: I told you before that you wouldn’t listen.

XZ: It’s quite obvious on TV that there’s a trap.

WYB: Where did you see it?

XZ: Watch the clips. I want to watch them all. Where can I find the time?

WYB: Oh

WYB: You still have time to rest more, ge

WYB: You must be tired, ge 🥺

(….)

XZ: Don’t force me into happy moments……

WYB: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

watching WoF clips! Hahahahahaha! I find it really cute how they support each other

WYB: What are you having for dinner?

XZ: Please hurry up, please

this next part is mostly WYB being clowned by staff and his continued refusal to make vlogs 🤪 and him not approving an increase in budget! here is a bit:

Staff 2: 😂😂😂😂

Staff 3: You don’t need to provide us with a vlog

WYB: That saves money

Staff 4: Then my budget has increased

WYB: Not approved

Staff 4: 😂

XZ: Mr. Wei has spoken. You must listen.

WYB: I’ll give you some for yourselves.

XZ: Are Mr. Wei’s rights limited to this much?

WYB: It’s up to you whether it’s you or not

XZ: 😅

XZ: Do you think I’ve treated you badly?

WYB: Just kidding, didn’t you click on all of them?

mister wei 🥺🥺🥺 why do i have a feeling that XZ’s favorite right now is Wei Ruolai?

XZ: He doesn’t have many opportunities, so use them and cherish them.

Staff 4: Finished. Here.

WYB: Oh, can you finish it?

WYB: Who do you belong to?

XZ: Report to you

WYB: Huh?

XZ: Repay...the real reward📱take it and repay it

WYB: Then I can take it apart and buy it....

XZ: Then buy it yourself

WYB: You buy it for me...what you just said

XZ: I didn’t say

XZ: OK OK OK

XZ: Aren’t they all in your hands? Buy it yourself.

WYB: Don’t worry if I buy a lot at once

XZ: Scared. I’m so scared.

WYB: I bought just one

WYB: ☺️

XZ: 👍🏻

this is confusing me but what i can gather is wyb bought something! what is it? 👀

Isn't it just for us all to hear you whispering, coaxing, and speaking so loudly? Come on, eat, the meal is here, if you don't eat, you'll be full first.

P.S: The boss doesn’t know that he blinks when he’s trying to coax people.

i love this last part cause OP is sort of complaining about the two lovebirds! as usual, having their own world. and idk who the “boss” is that blinks, or maybe he is trying to be cute by slow-blinking? i have a feeling it’s xz tho 😂😂😂😂

-END.

[mxtxfanatic]

JC better be fucking glad that the whole "i was given a boon from BSSR b/c of my mom" thing was just a lie made up for the Golden Core transfer. that could have been the last fucking thing WWX has from his mother and he just has zero qualms about taking it. both he and his mother truly believe WWX owes them all that he has, including his life, his gratitude, and the memories of the parents he barely remembers.

JC screams "you're the reason my parents and sister are gone!". yeah? well your mom has been actively taking away and destroying the memory of WWX's parents and you just proved that you'd also do the same if given the opportunity.

an actual brother (blood or not) would show concern about what WWX was offering to sacrifice. JC did not, not even years later.

Jiang Cheng lives his life by what he believes others owe him, not what he actually owes others. Even when he knows he owes someone else, he will not repay it if he sees the debt as a "hardship."

Wei WuXian finally lost his temper, “Jiang Cheng! What- What do you think you’re talking about?! Take it back—don’t make me give you a thrashing! Don’t forget. Who was the one that helped us burn Uncle Jiang’s and Madam Yu’s corpses? Who returned to us the ashes that are in Lotus Pier right now? And who took us in when we were chased after by Wen Chao?!” Jiang Cheng, “I’m the one who fucking wants to give you a thrashing! Yes, they helped us before, but why in the world don’t you understand that right now any remnant of the Wen Sect is a target of criticism! No matter who they are, with a surname of Wen they have committed a most heinous crime! And those who protect the Wen are at risk of being condemned by everyone! All the people loathe the Wen-dogs so badly that the worse they die the better. Whoever protects them is against the entire world. Nobody would speak for them, and nobody would speak for you either!”

—Chapt. 73: Recklessness, exr

[Jiang Cheng] could manage to tolerate others, but definitely not Wen Ning, the Wen-dog who put his hand through Jin ZiXuan’s heart and ended both his sister’s happiness and her life. Just a look, and he felt the urge to kill him right there. How dare he step foot on the earth of Lotus Pier—he really was looking for his death!

—Chapt. 89: Loyalty, exr

With a shove, Jiang Cheng pushed aside the panicking Jin Ling who was supporting his side. Though he was already losing blood, blood still rushed to his head in his anger, making his face cycle through shades of white and red. He spat, “What gives you the right? Wei WuXian, what gives you the fucking right?” From behind Lan WangJI, Wei WuXian said stiffly, “What right?” Jiang Cheng replied, “How much has my family given for you? I’m his son. I’m the heir of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. But all those years, I was never enough next to you. Their love, their dedication, even their life! The lives of my father, mother, older sister, and even Jin ZiXuan! Because of you, all that’s left now is an orphaned Jin Ling!” ... “And then look what happened? You went to shelter some outsider, haha! From the Wen Sect, of all people. How many years did you eat their food and drink their water?! You betrayed us in an instant without any hesitation! What do you think my family is to you?! Endless good deeds, you’ve done them all, whilst every fuck-up was always because you had no choice! You ‘had no choice’! What difficulties can’t you explain?! What hardship must you hide?! Hardship?! You don’t tell me anything, you treat me like a moron!!! “How much do you owe my family? Shouldn’t I hate you?! Couldn’t I hate you?! What gives you the right to suddenly make me feel like I should be the one that’s sorry?! What gives you the right to make me feel like some fucking clown after all these years?! What the hell am I?! Do I only deserve to be blinded by your glory, by your light?! Shouldn’t I hate you?!”

—Chapt. 103: A Hatred for a Life Part 6, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, looked about ready to lose his mind on the spot. He said, “You? You?!” The force of the punch had been too powerful. Not only did it go right through Wen Ning’s chest, the shock of it also shattered part of his vocal chords. Unable to form a single word, he fell towards the ground. ... Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi went to the corner. Wen Ning was still half-collapsed onto Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling in an awkward position. Wei WuXian laid him flat on the ground. After studying the dark hole on his chest, he fretted, “Look at you......What should I use to fill this now?” Wen Ning asked, “Young Master, is it serious......?” Wei WuXian said, “It’s not serious. You don’t need the organs here anyways. But it looks bad.” Wen Ning replied, “It’s not like I asked to look good......” Jiang Cheng was silent.

—Chapts. 107-108: Concealment Parts 1 & 2, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

[titsthedamnseason]

happy warsaw n2 everyone 💗 i hope you’re all ready to play the surprise song game! there are MANY theories about tonight so if you have any guesses for announcements / new outfits / special things happening etc feel free to guess those as well but otherwise if you want to play just put your guesses in the tags or replies as usual and the winners will get shoutouts in a special celebration post from me

i never used to clown like this but suddenly i feel like i fall for every theory so what the hell….im guessing i did something bad on guitar (even though all i want is for her to play it on piano so badly!!!) and then cassandra x mad woman bc even though i don’t usually guess this one something about warsaw is making me feel like this is the city

[artist-issues]

@clown-weed

Ew. No, actually, it’s not.

That is not at all what it is about. If it were about being a little kid who’s free-thinking is beaten down by adults making you do nonsensical things out of tyranny, Alice would defeat the Red Queen. She would not have to escape the Red Queen.

Disney’s Alice in Wonderland is a cautionary tale about the kind of attitude that must have everything their own way. It is wrong when the Red Queen does it, and it is wrong when Alice insists on it, in the beginning of the movie.

Let’s be very clear about how stories work. In the opening scene, we are introduced to our main character, the little girl we’re going to follow and relate most closely to for the rest of the story. What do we learn about her? She doesn’t listen to her older sister who tries to explain that she needs her history lesson, with or without pictures, and she wants to live in “a world of her own.”

Where the flowers talk. And the animals wear clothes and talk. And she thinks it would be a Wonderland—it’s all right freaking there in the song.

Then Alice abandons her history lesson and chases an example of that world she so badly wants—where everything would be her own way—the White Rabbit. And from that moment on, every action she takes goes like this: “well, I know I should probably stop and think before I do this thing, but I’m going to do it anyway because I feel like it.”

She feels like crawling into a hole after the White Rabbit, and she does, and she falls into a world she can’t get out of. She feels like crying because she’ll never get home, and she does, and she floods the room. Her whole problem is that she often knows what the right thing to do is, but she just does whatever she wants in the moment because she wants it.

Like a little kid who obeys every fleeting impulse.

Enter the Queen of Hearts. A character who just wants what she wants. She’s the definition of what Alice could be if she takes her worst character trait—wanting things just her own way—and keeps chasing that.

In the end, Alice runs away from the Red Queen. She wakes up from her nightmare and immediately tries to obey her sister and “recite” in a panic. It’s kind of a joke—she starts reciting what the Caterpillar recited in her dream out of confusion—but the truth is, that’s where we leave Alice. She’s reciting, otherwise known as “repeating a lesson learned.” A long way from where she was at the beginning of the movie, when she was refusing to pay attention to her history lesson because it didn’t have the pictures she liked.

The movie is about the dangerous habit of jumping into whatever you want to jump into and waiting for things to be your own way, simply because you want them that way. The movie is about finding out that what you really want—a world with no responsibility, no long-term memory, no sense, and no future—is actually not a Wonderland, but a place to get lost and forget who you are. It’s a place you should come out of, eventually, unless you want to be completely out of touch with reality and behaving like everyone else should match your whims—just like a certain Queen of Hearts.

Don’t give me that “stick it to the man,” ageless idiocy of a mistaken notion that children somehow know better than adults. Children will stick their hands on red-hot stovetops and run out into traffic and completely ignore learning from the mistakes of their ancestors in their history lessons if they don’t have adults to help them. As a certain wise parent once said, “they’ll grab at the first shiny thing with flashy ribbons you wave in front of them. All a parent can do is say, ‘wait, trust me.’”

I mean, the last freakin’ shot of the movie is, the girl who was chasing nonsense in the form of a White Rabbit is now following her responsible older sister. Jeez.

All three of the directors on Alice in Wonderland had children, and you know Disney himself had his two daughters before Alice in Wonderland ever came out. If you think for one minute that this movie was about how kids are forced to learn nonsense, rather than taught not to overindulge in nonsense when it turns you into an out-of-touch tyrant, you are duping yourself.