#I wanted to make one of those PTA Sans but it's Papyrus

[susartwork]

What a touching speech...

Happy Let Papyrus Say Fuck day! The event is hosted by @insanelyadd | @letpapyrussayfuckofficial (And this design I drew for Paps is a mix of all their Ambassador Papyrus designs!)

[bigoltrashpile]

Alex here! I hope I'm not too late since my timezone is different (oof- I live in the philippines btw-) Anyways! Where's the PTA mafia bois and their kids?-

I can’t believe I’ve never gotten an ask about PTA skeletons before omg

Mafiatale Sans: He’s a lot like what you think of when you hear “PTA Sans.”  He goes to most of the meetings, mostly just to sass the Karens, defends his kid when they need it, etc.  He’s the one who usually is the voice of reason at most of the meetings.  “susan, none o’ the kids are gonna want a veggie pizza party, just order normal pizza for star’s sake.”

Mafiatale Papyrus: He’s actually a really good PTA parent!  He helps out with fundraisers and doesn’t let random white moms be racist against monsters, or even other humans.  He’s the one that usually vouches for the arts programs, finding studies about how beneficial they are, and suggesting ways to get more funds.

Mafiaswap Sans (Lucky): He’s a very active member of the PTA, mostly just so he can monitor racism in the school.  He refuses to let any of those monster hating parents impose any restrictions or put a bias into the system.  If they try, well, he has his ways of making them change...

Mafiaswap Papyrus (Slim): He rarely goes to meetings, but still does his best to be an active member.  After all, he doesn’t want to listen to a bunch of grown adults argue over whether twenty minute or thirty minute recess is best.  He’ll still support the school and his kid, but he isn’t interested in any of the stupid stuff.

Mafiafell Sans (Butch): He’s the stereotypical proud parent.  Always carries a picture or two or ten in his pocket, bragging about how good his kid’s grades are, and how well they’re doing in the school play.  He’s always quick to sass the others, especially if they say something bad about his kid being a “filthy hybrid.”

Mafiafell Papyrus (Noir): He DESPISES the people in the PTA.  That’s why he goes, to keep them in check.  He’s very sassy, straight up telling Martha that her store bought cookies are disgusting, and shouldn’t even be allowed in the school bake sale.  His favorite thing is to absolutely crush the idiotic ideas of the other PTA parents, and make them realize just how dumb they’re being.

Mafiaswapfell Sans (Scar): Even though he often attends the meetings, he actually doesn’t talk in them very often.  He mostly sits, silently, and watches.  If anyone says something REALLY dumb, he’s quick to speak up, but otherwise, he’s more of a spectator.  He’s mostly there to make sure his kid gets a good education, what else is needed?  Although he is VERY passive aggressive at times.  “WOW, WHO MADE THESE LEMON BARS?  I JUST LOVE HOW YOU MADE IT MOSTLY CRUST AND NO FILLING, IT’S SO....UNIQUE.”

Mafiaswapfell Papyrus (Hound): Like his brother, he’s pretty quiet during meetings, if he attends.  More because he’s too nervous to speak up.  Of course, if someone tries to install some racist policy, he won’t hesitate to stop them, but for now, his resting bitch face does most of the work.  Once you get close to him, he’s always bragging about his kid, though!

[bakerymanslaughter]

how did you get into undertale? also, i remember reading your take on underswap and i LOVED it so much, so i was wondering what your headcanons for underfell sans and pap are, if have any?

Well I technically got introduced via my boyfriend (friend at the time) showing me a no mercy speedrun, in the dark, at god knows what time. So i don't remember anything except muffet. Fast forward to early 2016 when undertale really started booming I actually got into it then, and loved it ever since.

As for underfell bros headcanons, I'd have to think very long and hard about this one and not go off cuz I like so many different interpretations but. Here's some miscellaneous ones.

Papyrus can actually cook, the dude learns man let him make some baller food. When Frisk pushes him to be more nice on the surface, he shows up at his human neighbors door with the kid in tow, lookin annoyed and scary af, with a newly made casserole for them.

"RETURN THE TUPPERWARE WHEN DONE OR ELSE FACE THE WRATH-" Frisk tugs on his pants leg with a look tm "SIGH. I MEAN THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE OFFICAL MASCOT OF MONSTERS"

Sans' gold tooth is hella fake, he’s debating getting a real one instead when he gets on the surface. But he doesn't want the others to notice and make fun of him cuz they absolutely would lose it. I can literally imagine Undyne's crying wheezing face.

Papyrus is the "pta parent" of the two. He attends all of Frisk's school events when Toriel can't make it. Little bookbag full of notes in tow, intimidating the other parents as he puts on his reading glasses in his official royal guard wear, sitting in a children's school chair that's way too small for him.

Meanwhile Sans is the weird uncle and spoils the kid. Partially because he feels bad about the way he acted underground, partially because he gets a kick out of sending home Frisk hyped up and pissing off Toriel.

Sans has a mini fridge in his room filled with nothingg but different kinds of mustard, and ONE water sausage. Papyrus wouldn't let him "ruin" the fridge with "ALL THOSE DISGUSTING CONDIMENTS YOU CALL DRINKS." He drinks one sometimes in the middle of the night like "oh boy it's 3 am."

That's all I can think of for now, also ty for the compliment on Underswap I'm glad you liked it

[ixnova]

Some Undertale thoughts in no particular order

Not being able to settle on Sans’s always smiling no matter what, or allowing him to show emotion during intense moments. To go with that the concept of if he can actually open his mouth or not because on one hand, humor, on the other hand drawing him with large, sharp teeth is so good.

Papyrus with naked limbs vs black fabric over his arms and legs. I’ve drawn him in the former and I cannot explain why.

Wanting to ship Sans and Toriel but at the same time wanting Tori to get back with Asgore even though she has very valid reasons to hate him but knowing Asgore still loves his wife and thought he had valid reasons to do what he did.

Everyone is Frisk’s parent/extended family.

Flowley being kept in the family as a house plant that screeches.

Shipping Papyrus with Mettaton because they are cute. Sans being passive aggressive to Mettaton as  result.

Sans also being passive aggressive to Linda at the PTA meetings.

Unable to decide on drawing Sans like 3ft tall, or 5ft tall and scaling everyone else up according to him. One one hand smol Sans is cute, on the other it seems to make more sense that he’s tall and still short because he’s a monster and Papyrus is like in the 8ft range almost.

Knowing most likely both of their magic is blue, but wanting to make Papyrus’s magic red/orange because of aesthetic and it just feels OFF when he’s using blue for his magic attacks.

Sans accidentally making Frisk cry and regretting it because passive Frisk is a baby so his intimidation like “you’d be dead where you stand” makes them cry and he JUST WASN’T PREPARED FOR THAT HE DIDN’T THINK THE KID WOULD JUST BURST IN TO TEARS OKAY HES SORRY. PEOPLE ARE STARING.

Being torn between Papyrus actually enjoying Sans’s puns on occasion, vs not tolerating it what so ever. Alternatively debating on if Papyrus would make puns himself in an effort to impress Sans/Try and show him how terrible puns are but it just back fires.

Wanting to draw sans in sneakers even though he’s only supposed to wear those if he’s suspecting trouble/genocide run.

Sans using his powers to help others and also it coming out accidentally in dire situations that could have probably been handled without the magic but it was just a natural reflex and now hes got to explain himself.

Sans knowing far more about the timeline that he should and about Gaster and the resets and science and being smart and he’s so fucking stressed trying to make sure things stay good this time and don’t get reset or trying to figure out how to get out of the time loop, etc, that hes just so distracted and distant from everyone because he remembers everything and they don’t, hes seen them all die and hes just in constant fear of when this will happen again and if Frisk is just going to reset it all and he’d loose all this, all his friends, all the happiness and hes right back in fucking snowdin AGAIN, but not knowing how to break the cycle or what would happen should Frisk die or whatever.

Everyone just giving Sans a hug because he needs it.

[sansofhumor]

title: hey, kid, you’ve goat this rating: pg? characters: sans, papyrus, frisk, asgore tags: sanscentric, referenced character death, AU, death and grief

notes: this is uhhhhhh, raw and not edited bc i die, boy. super self-indulgent. no questons asked. where’s asriel?? chara?? no one knows don’t ask me!! here it is on Ao3! ((for content warnings: the character death isn’t for any of the listed characters, and isn’t described, but the fallout is... basically the whole fic.)

sans hesitates after stepping in the building, glancing around haphazardly. there's a cashier to his left, and walls of clothing in every direction except for in front of him, which has uh, watches? he looks up but the signs aren't very informative. womens, mens, housewares. aren't all these clothes technically house-wears? heh.

"Hello! Do you--uh, do you need help?" The cashier stutters when he turns to face them, but makes a remarkable effort at keeping the surprise off his face and smiling.

((readmore for mobile))

"uh, looking for a suit, or something." he shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets.

"Let me get you some help!" The cashier speaks into a headset and then tells sans someone will be right there. he shrugs. that's fine. suppose it'd be easier to let someone who might know what they're doing take the reins.

in a matter of moments, another employee comes racing down the aisle stuttering to a stop before him. it's not very busy in the store but they look stressed anyways. despite that, they're smiling. they introduce themselves.

"How can I help you today?"

"just looking for a suit jacket. black. uh cheap?" he says, tacking that last bit on as an afterthought.

"Hmm. Well we aren't going to have a very big selection, but let's look in our clearance!" They lead the way and sans awkwardly follows, into the racks of clothes. They stop in front of a small selection and sans tilts his head looking at what's on offer.

"Do you know your size?"

"uh, round?" he says, looking down at himself then back up at them.

"Try this one?"  

he does. the arms are long, but it hangs alright.

"Hmm, that's a regular, so we're looking for a 40, 42 short." They mumble, picking another jacket. this one is grey. he shrugs into it easily enough. it's still a little long,  but better.

"heh, something wrong?" he asks and the associate winces.

"You need black, you said?"

"yeah, uh. special occasion."

"We don't have much here, there's the grey. Darker grey. Blue. We have some sixty percent off stuff?" They nervously shuffle their feet. he takes a look at the tag. Forty five dollars and it's 90% off.

"eh, sure."

sans takes a look at the jackets, but they're all navys and tans. the associate looks mildly embarrassed, still clutching the slightly too long, dark grey jacket.

"That's all we have, uh, in that price range… do-- when do you need the jacket?”

sans looks at his wrist. it’s bare. he shrugs. “sooner the better.”

“Yeah, the earliest we’re going to get some more markdowns is in a few days. Uhm, and all we have is this--the dark grey. And the black in a smaller size.” They awkwardly shuffle again, gripping the jacket.

“yeah, see, it’s for a uh funeral. gotta be black.” he reaches out and tilts the sleeve so it catches the fluorescent lighting, “or white i guess.”

They start shaking their head immediately, reluctantly informing him they don’t carry white outside of prom season.

“Uhm, I don’t know if this is the first store you tried. Uhm, but the only other place I can think to try is a thrift store--”

“well,” sans shrugs, “i’m actually. late. already.”

the human boggles.

“Oh, I’m--” they frown, “We can-- gosh we don’t have any coupons or anything out. Uhm, you can always return it later? If you’re only going to use it once, I mean. We’ll take it back, no problem.”

“sounds like work,” he breathes. and work? it’s just not like him. she’d understand. “she wouldn’t recognize me in a suit anyways.”

“Oh,” the human glances at him before looking away, “Uh. I--”

“welp. i’ll get outta your hair then.”

“Wait--” sans waits. “Uhm, I just. You look like you’re going through a rough time? Are you uhm, gonna be okay?”

in general, or right now? because, as long as he, you know, doesn’t think about it, he’s fine. he looks at their face. oh, they’re asking-- “it’s fine, i’ve got a shortcut. no breakdowns while driving for me, at least none of the emotional kind, heh.” he sees them whisper ‘breakdowns’. they look like they want to laugh but not offend him. they wrestle the urge down.

“Okay.” they look down at the coat again. “I think… I think whatever you show up in will be okay. She-- she’ll understand.”

sans wishes they’d laughed instead.

“you’re right, tori never let me get her goat anyways, knew i was always kidding around.” he waits just a second before he remembers this person won’t get the joke. he sighs.

“Well. I hope you uh…” they frown hard for a moment. he waits patiently. it’s what he does. “I hope you have... I hope your day is--” they look like they are about to quit. he smiles. well, he’s always smiling. “I hope your spirits lift soon! It’s a shame to see them so … depressed?”

he gives the joke a second of breathing room. the human’s face slowly morphs into one of unrestrained horror. he starts chuckling, then laughing, his breath leaving him in a woosh of amusement. “heh, gotta say, kid, that was a real rib tickler.” they breath a sigh of relief. “you gotta future in amateur comedy, if this sales thing don’t work out. anyways, i’ll leave you to it, kid. thanks for giving me a chuckle, you really made someone’s day.”

“Uh, bye, then!” they give a wave. he walks into the dressing room. he’s gone when they check in on him.

monster funerals are pretty cool. monsters turn to dust when they die, so the most integral part of the ceremony is spreading dust on their most loved things. normally a monster will have a small ceremony, with their surviving family and their close friends spreading the dust on a favorite book, or instrument. maybe, the dust would get split between those who had been closest to the fallen. however, when someone who touched the souls of almost every monster living falls down, the arrangements are a bit different.

Toriel hadn’t been a small monster. but still, her dust doesn’t amount to much. the urnful of ash doesn’t look like it should be all that’s left of the boss monster. it looks small, dainty almost, and though Toriel had never been ungainly, dainty wasn’t a word sans would use to describe her. regal maybe.

there is a line, a procession before him, of monsters. some with various knicknacks gripped in their limbs, some with nothing. all of them there to honor Toriel. she had loved the people in her community and she had touched so many lives and all those souls want closure. some hold precious memories-- “Toriel gave me this recipe while planning for the PTA bake sale, she said it was for her favorite pie”--and they receive a sprinkle of dust, so toriel’s essence can live on in those happier times. some only have the memories in their head, but they still want to be there, to offer their sympathies.

the urn grows deeper as it is emptied of toriel’s dust. if sans were prone to feeling bitter, if he could muster up the effort, he might be tempted to feel bitter about this. tori’s dust being spread so thin, across so many monsters. by rights, tori’s kid should be the one who gets to lay tori’s dust where they want. Tori’s kid, and maybe Asgore, her ex husband, depending on how she felt before she fell. but her dust was spread thin the way her love never was, and if he thinks about it, this is really what tori would have wanted. this ritual, spread across so many, is something to give the monsters in the community hope. to keep their will up even when a pillar has fallen.

besides, why should he get upset over this? it’s not like he wants any of her dust for himself. he has nothing to spread it over, no mementos or sentiments he can hold onto. just a door and some jokes they spent hours and hours on. the soft memory of her braying laughter, the noise of his bones knock knocking against wood. he hadn’t settled in her life, and he’d made sure she couldn’t settle in his.

though, the way his soul feels, he was maybe not too successful at the latter.

he stands at the edge of the gathering until everyone has filed away. he sees a couple monsters he knows-- the neighborhood watchdogs, the school’s coach and science teacher. he sees his brother as well. he sees them all come and go until only asgore remains. he stays until asgore leaves as well, returning to the quaint and tidy house toriel had lived in. he makes his way to the tree they’d stood under. the tree hadn’t meant anything special to toriel, but he isn’t going to interrupt what remains of her family with his tired jokes.

he raps his knuckles against the tree. “knock knock.”

nobody answers.

“hopper.”

“hopper happy on the other side.”

he waits and knocks again.

“knock knock…. baaa….. can’t you tell yourself? i’ve gotten your goat!” inspired, he follows that up quickly with another one. “knock knock… goat… what goat, can’t you see i’m kidding around?” he chuckles.

then he knocks again.

“knock knock…. your leaf….. you’re leafing me bonely, pal.”

and finally: “knock knock. i’ll fish…. i’ll fish you a lot.”

he sighs and thunks his head against the tree trunk. well, that’s as much of a eulogy as he is going to make. kind of went off on a tangent there. welp.

there’s another knocking sound, but this one doesn’t come from him.

“who’s there?” he answers the call obligingly. he’s informed that there’s an interrupting drop bear waiting at his door. “interrupting drop bear who--” a kid tumbles into his arms from the branches above. they’re lucky he’s magical.

“oof, there you are, kiddo. was wondering where you were hiding. oh, you’re wondering why i was late? i had problems with a suitor.” they look at him questioningly. “couldn’t find a suitable jacket.” they look at his worn hoodie and nod their head in agreement. he chuckles and sets them on the ground. “‘sides, better later than never, am i right?” they only shrug.

“well, come on, time to get you inside and fed. it’s getting late.” they take his hand, and he forces himself not to pull away. he walks them up to the door of toriel’s cottage home and knocks, two quick raps out of habit.

“I’ll be just a minute, who’s there?” that’s asgore.

“i’ll be just a minute.”

“Oh, I’ll be just a minute who?” Asgore asks, opening the door, a tired smile on his face. he probably only answered that way because he recognizes sans voice.

“i’ll be just a minute is you,remember?  i’m sans. this is frisk.” he winks. “hey, ‘gorey. goat your kid.”

Asgore blinks, smile trembling a moment before pulling himself back together.

“Ahh, yes… my, hmm. Frisk, I had been wondering where you were at. Thank you, for bringing them home safely, Sans.”

“no prob, i’ll just get outta your way now, then--”

“Nonsense, please, let me invite you in for a cup of tea. I’m sure Frisk would appreciate the company.” as would i, he doesn’t add, but sans can read it on his face well enough. of course asgore doesn’t want to be alone right now. well... sans isn’t very good company right now.

“nah, it’ll just go straight through me, you know that.” he huffs a laugh.

“If you are quite certain, there are some leftovers in the kitchen, still.”

“well, if ya add food into the equation, guess i’m a variable after all.” asgore does not look like he gets the joke. sans won’t explain it.

the dinner is an awkward affair. there’s the remains of a snail casserole, heated up by fire magic. Frisk is sitting next to him, asgore is seated at the head of the table, though not the side that toriel would’ve taken. asgore made tea for them all anyway, and sans drinks it. it’s floral, and it dissipates like all magic food.

“She had a Last Will and Testament notarized,” asgore announces, not quite out of the blue.

“that requires some, uh, foresight.” he comments. asgore glances at him and shuffles his cutlery around.

“We’re reading it tomorrow, in the morning at the courthouse.”

“prompt, sounds good.” he doesn’t know why asgore would be telling him this. he looks at asgore’s face, catches his eyeline, follows it to the kid. “ah,” he says.

“Ah?”

“you need a kidsitter?” he asks. frisk wrinkles their nose at him. they’re not a-- “yeah yeah you’re not a baby, did i call you one?” he winks and frisk pouts. “i don’t have plans, i can make sure your kid is flat as a pancake by the time you come back.”

he’s not really sure why anyone thinks he’s responsible enough for kid duty. toriel had asked him quite a lot. well, he supposes frisk makes it easy most of the time. sure they get into tight spots, but they aren’t nearly the hellion papyrus was at that age.

“That’s not-- actually. Yes, that would work out fine, I believe. Would you like to stay the night then, so you do not have to make the trip twice over?” asgore is incredibly good at looking pleading and open and soft.

“eh, gotta text papyrus. he might want a sleepover with his favorite human too. you willing to host that?” he asks. he, uh, doesn’t really want to spend the night under tori’s roof when he knows that he won’t stumble upon her laughing in her kitchen or reading in the armchair by the fireplace. unfortunately, his brother is really cool and everyone knows that.

“I’d be delighted to have your brother here. He’d be welcome.”

he texts papyrus. papyrus would REALLY, REALLY LOVE TO HAVE A “SLEEP” OVER AT THE HUMAN’S, SANS! BECAUSE I AM SUCH A GOOD AND PREPARED FRIEND, I WILL BRING ALL THE NECESSARY EQUIPMENT. SPAGHETTI, PUZZLES, A VACUUM!  

his brother really lightens the mood when he arrives. bearing puzzles and tupperware containers of food--and dragging a vacuum he insists on using before the night is up--he forcefully injects smiles and optimism into the small gathering. gosh. sans brother is just so cool.

asgore gets along well with Papyrus, he makes a pretty good foil for sans’ excitable brother. still, he bows out of the party games early, thanking them both for offering to keep an eye on the kid the next day.

sans watches the kid and papyrus giggling together over their puzzle game. they keep trying to entice him to join them but he’s content with dozing on the couch.  they rouse him enough to tell him they're ready for bed, looking at him expectantly.

“hmm, you're right it is getting late. ‘night, then.” he rolls over, mostly to hide his amused face.

“SANS!”

he snickers, catches himself, and turns it into a loud snore.

the kid tugs at his jacket as papyrus yells some more. he keeps pretending. the tugs on his jacket stop, and papyrus goes quiet. sans gets suspicious.

“ONE. TWO. THREE!” there’s a rush of movement and then the kiddo is landing in him. he lets out a whoof of air as they settle on him.

“ah, nice of you to drop in.” they giggle. papyrus, who is still holding their arms where he helped soften their landing, scoffs. “oh, you wanted a bedtime story before catching some shut-eye?”

“OF COURSE WE DO SANS! IT’S TRADITION!”

“well, can’t say no to tradition, i guess. settle in.”

papyrus squeezes onto the couch next to them, and sans begins the story with “once upon a time".

the next morning sans wakes to the sound of people getting ready for the day. none of them are being quiet about it, all of them used to him sleeping through anything. he’d actually had a decent amount of sleep though, and as such his mind is reluctantly drawn to wakefulness.

the house smells like breakfast spaghetti, so papyrus must’ve convinced asgore to let him in the kitchen already. asgore’s deep voice was commenting on something something sauce, so he is also in the kitchen. that leaves…

he opens his eyes and meets frisk’s. they grin at him, steady. he returns the smile.

“morning, kiddo. youre up already? heh, yeah we all know who the lazy bones here is.” he sits up and notices that the kid is dressed in a jumper instead of the pajamas they fell asleep last night.

“ready to chill today?” he asks.

they pout at him, smile melting off their face. he raises the ridge above his eye sockets. they just shrug and tug on his sleeve again.

“alright, time for breakfast, then.” he lets himself be pulled up and dragged to the table where papyrus has already set everything out.

“oh, neat, bro, spaghetticakes. my favorite!”

“SANS, YOU SAID MY SPAGHETTI CASSEROLE WAS YOUR FAVORITE?”

“yeah, bro, if you make it, it’s my favorite.”

“AWWW, A GENUINE COMPLIMENT!” papyrus takes a moment out of his busy routine to skip over to sans and give due affection. sans soaks it up like a sponge, albeit a lazy one

“so, getting ready for that willing?” sans asks asgore, who is busy pushing his breakfast around his plate.

“Ah, yes. That. That is. I have received word that Frisk should be present, so it turns out your supervision will not be necessary. I am sorry for inconveniencing you and your brother.”

“doesn’t seem like the kid wants to go.”

“Be that as it may.” asgore starts, and then let’s go, as if it explains everything.

“why not just, you know, let the kid hang out here. no need to drag ‘em with you.”

“It’s very important they attend.” he sighs, resigned. “If sparing them this would benefit them in the long run, I would do so.” he admits. “Again, I apologize for inconveniencing you.”

sans shrugs at the kid. he tried.

“OH. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE! THOUGH IT DOES SEEM MEAN TO HAVE GOTTEN FRISK’S HOPES TO HANG OUT WITH A COOL SKELETON LIKE ME UP AND THEN NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON THAT PROMISE…. PERHAPS WE CAN STILL ‘HANG’ AFTER YOUR COURT THING?”

frisk nods excitedly. they want ice cream.

“I do have something to attend after the meeting. I was planning on taking Frisk, but if you’d still like to watch them?”

“OF COURSE!”

“Would it be too much trouble to accompany us to the reading then? That way no one will have to make this trip twice.”

sans narrows his eye-sockets. “was really planning on, uh, taking it easy today.”

“NONSENSE SANS. YOU TAKE IT EASY EVERYDAY. WE’LL JOIN YOU.”

well. now papyrus would just carry him there if he tried to stay behind.

asgore prefers wearing those tropical shirts with the obnoxious patterns and dad shorts. today he’s wearing a suit. sans wonders where toriel was hiding an asgore sized suit-- why she was hiding an asgore sized suit-- or if asgore had brought it with him and hung it somewhere in toriel’s closet. the guest room closet, perhaps, but still toriel’s.

sans would be wearing that suit jacket if he’d ever gotten around to buying it. as it is, he’s dressed in his dirty blue hoodie. everyone else in the room is wearing clean, somber colors. except papyrus of course, in his bright scarf.

he doesn’t mind. he’s too busy passing notes to frisk, who is on the verge of tears. he wants to be mad at asgore. but he looks on the verge of tears as well. the kid opens the note. it’s a poorly drawn caricature of the human reading the legalese of toriel’s will. it startles a chuckle out of the kid.

“The house will be donated to the Monster Wellness Association, under conditions that they use it in line with their mission statement, stipulations on page 8.”

Frisk tenses again and sans wants to grab their hand and take ‘em to get ice cream right now! all this was doing was making the kid realize how much of their mother they were losing at once. not just toriel herself, but the kitchen she cooked in, the fireplace, the cozy room sans had “helped" paint (there was one skeletal handprint underneath the even coat).  

“All of my worldly belongings are bequeathed to my child, Frisk. Frisk may part and parcel them how they choose, though I ask them to consider donating what they do not wish to keep or give to friends to a reputable charity.”

the kid’s breath starts to hitch. sans doesnt know how to help. he has a feeling silly notes wont cut it his time. instead he puts his hand out, and isnt surprised when the kid grips it shakily.

“Concerning Frisk, as I am their only gaurdian and there is no next of kin to take on that role, I will offer my intentions here.” asgore shuts his eyes. ouch, that’s rough, buddy. maybe calling frisk his kid was a little premature. but what else was sans supposed assume? though asgore and toriel had broken up years ago, sans just thought. you know. asgore would, uh. Inherit the kid?

“Though, perhaps unexpected, I believe this the best course of action for everyone involved. I would like to name C. Sans guardian of my child, Frisk.”

because asgore actually had kid, heh, raising experience and toriel had known him for-- wait. What?

“what was that?”

frisk looks at him with wide eyes.

Papyrus looks at him with wide eyes.

“WOWIE BROTHER! DOES THIS MAKE ME AN UNCLE?”

even he knows it would be a dick move to shortcut the hell out of there. the kid still has his hand so he can’t anways, unless he wants a hitchhiker. he does glare in asgore’s direction.  asgore avoids his eyeline. coward.

well. perhaps sans shouldn't be throwing stones.

he keeps his peace so the rest of tori’s will can be read. quietly biding his time, trying to catch asgore’s eyes, avoiding the kid’s.  he still doesn’t take away his hand, and the kid hasn’t let go, but he doesn’t think that reassures either of them.

once the place nearly clears out, sans stands and corners the officiator. asgore seems to have a similar idea.

“OH! FRISK WHY DON’T WE LOOK FOR ICE CREAM. OUTSIDE. WHERE ICE CREAM IS?”

papyrus meets sans’ eyes for half a second. long enough for sans to feel properly chastised and encouraged, like papyrus had found time to lecture and give him a pep talk all within a glance. a pepyrus talk. Heh.

once theyre both gone, he faces the front of the room.

“so you knew about this, ‘gorey?” there’s a question mark, but it isn’t really a question.

“I could not find the right time to bring it up. Toriel had, ah, discussed it with me before. I thought she was planning to have this conversation with you, and it was not my place to intercede and yet…” he trails off.

“you want the kid, don’t you?”

“I do, of course. And will take them in if you find you're not ready to take the responsibility.”

“thought you’d put up more of a fight,”

the boss monster squares his shoulders and faces sans, for real. his stare flinty, stern.

“Do not mistake me, Sans. You are my friend, but if I thought for a second you would do wrong by Toriel’s memory, we would already be in a courtroom.” his eyes soften just a bit, “As it is, that would leave Frisk in a precarious position, and I would not wish to do that when there are other, less drastic means.”

sans hummed, shrugging his shoulders under his jacket. “youre hoping i back out so theres no fuss or muss, eh?”

“You,” asgore scratches his nose, caught out. “You are not known for taking on such responsibility, by your own admission, my friend.”

“hmn,” sans acknowledges his point, “so i, uh, what, refuse custody and the kid gets to go home to your place?”

“Well,” the human interrupts, “Frisk would be temporarily placed in child services, as you are the only officially named next of kin. They’d go down the list-- perhaps your brother, since he is your next of kin-- evaluating each person’s qualifications as guardian. It could take quite a while before Mr. Dreemur is considered, though I’m sure it could be expedited.”

sans narrows his eye sockets, “whattabout what the kid wants, eh? you’d just ship ‘em off with strangers when there’s plenty of monsters they know who’d be willin’ to take ‘em in?”

the human shrugs, “Not me, personally. It’s the system.”

“The process would not take long at all,” asgore says, “It would be quite quick after I submit my application.”

“why was tori so deadset on me havin the kid anyways,”

“I’m afraid it is more that she didn't want me to have them. She was still quite mad at me, despite how she pretended at aloofness.”

sans considered. “why wouldnt she want you to step in, ‘gorey? youre not terrible, whatever your differences. she never had a problem with frisk spending time with you.”

Asgore’s mouth flattened, as did his ears. “Her arguments were… several. I suppose. I am often quite busy, caring full time for frisk would require careful scheduling. I also live quite a distance away, and moving would most likely require frisk to change school zones. They are not unimportant issues but also not something I cannot overcome.”

“yeah, thats what i figured too, but if that were it, tori would've still listed you as an option… something you ain’t telling me?”

sans carefully examines asgore’s face. the tightening of his jaw, the wrinkle between his brows. considers toriel, what she would say about her and asgores lives, when they were together.

he used to be so reliable, she said.

sans would argue that asgore is still reliable. busy, yes. he is the official monster delegate, wielding almost unparalleled political power of course he’s busy. but even as such he always makes time for frisk, his duties, his friends, his hobbies. though sans can see the weight of it on him, he also knows asgore would not let it interfere with frisk’s care.

but then he stopped being reliable for toriel. made decisions about their lives he didn’t consult her about. and when she did try to talk to him about it, he nodded and listened and was sad and contrite but did not bend. it became something toriel could not-- didn’t want to--overcome. so she left.

“what if frisk doesn't want to switch schools?”

“I don’t foresee it being difficult to persuade them of the advantages of a different school district. They aren't a troublesome child.”

“‘course not. hey, why don't we ask them?”

“What?” asgores eyebrows climb up his worried forehead.

“yeah, seems like something they should have a say in, ya’know.” he walks to the door as asgore stumbles over his words.

“You do not think-- all of this stress they are already under-- I understand the importance of--”

and he pulls the door open, a skeleton and a child tumbling into the room when they didn’t scramble back fast enough. sans raises an orbital ridge at his brother. papyrus pops back up and dusts off his body.

“WHY FRISK… IT LOOKS LIKE THE ICE CREAM IS NOT HERE??”

sans shakes his head and looks down at frisk. “whaddaya say, kiddo?”

frisk looks up at him, nervously, before glancing at asgore. the big guy just waves a little, smiling softly. he really does just want the best for frisk, he just has a tendency to make decisions first and cry about them later.

“hey, ‘sall right, buddy, it’s not a decision you have to make now, alright? we can have another sleepover and talk about it in the morning.”

frisk nods, cautiously standing up, reaching for Papyrus’s hand. they go get icecream.

despite the will it still takes awhile for toriel’s wishes to go through with finalization. this mostly means sans is spending a lot of nights on toriel's couch while waiting for frisk’s decision. finally the deed for the house changes names and sans gets the notification.

frisk is still a child, there's no way they know what they will have wished they'd kept and what to give away. still, sans has no part in this process, and he's slowly realizing asgore doesn't quite have a say either.  

“I can have the important things moved to my home, or a storage facility for Frisk to go through when they are feeling up to it. I can have a list of charities by tomorrow as well, for the rest of it.”

“they gave us time, no one is gonna kick us out because frisk hasn't sorted through everything.” sans feels the need to say, since frisk is still in their room.

“I would not throw away anything of sentimental value.” asgore seems offended.

“didn't say so, buddy, just think that maybe frisk should have a say instead of dealing with whatever we think is important instead.”

asgore's nostrils flare, but his shoulders slump and he nods his head. “We shouldn't tarry, however kind the MWA are being.”

sans thinks that the MWA will let them stay as long as they need, but he doesn't press the issue. he decides he should ask the kid how they want to go about this. he kind of doesn't want to deal with it. but if frisk doesn't make their decision, asgore will and though sans isn't the sentimental type he can tell frisk is. what if they throw away a pie tin, and in twenty years frisk will have a break down because they dont have their mother's pie tin to make their mother's favorite pie?

well, maybe he's over thinking this.

he knocks on their bedroom door, then lets himself in.

frisk is a lump on the floor, not even under any blankets. sans steps into the room.

“what's up, kiddo?” they turn to look at him, and their face is miserable. yeah, hearing that it was time to pack up and divide what was left of your mother's life would do that to you.

“you don't have to do it on your own, kiddo. you’ll have all the help you can want.”  frisk wipes under their eyes hastily, though they aren't crying. “i can call pap, he’ll be down to help with everything. he can bring undyne--she probably won't suplex anything if you ask her.”

frisk’s smile is wobbly.

“asgore has got a place set up to help store everything you want, you don't have to worry about space.” frisk hiccups softly, surprising themselves and sans cant help but chuckle at their surprised expression.

he takes the opportunity to shuffle closer and pat their back reassuringly. humans are so weird, with their flesh and trapped air bubbles and reflexively convulsive muscles.

when they calm down, frisk tugs his sleeve enough to get his attention. he inhales a bit sharp. they smile at him hopefully.

“...yeah, you got me, too.” their smile grows.  he gets an idea, and lets himself drop on them. he hears them make a noise of surprise. “oh no,” he says, “looks like you really got me, you're too strong.”

frisk is giggling, pretending to shove him away with their small hands. “i can't escape, your gravitational pull is just too strong,” he leans more weight onto them, carefully. frisk is laughing now, breathless as they flail their limbs, pushing at his loose jacket and his rough bones. with a jolt they finally collapse, and they both fall flat.

he laughs, and waits until they focus on him again, their cheeks and eyes red, but not from stifling tears anymore. “hey, kiddo.” frisk hums in acknowledgment. “looks like your stuck with me, huh.”

their hand finds his again.

he finds he's starting to mind it less.

the kid is looking indecisive at the trash. sans is leaning against the counter. he's sure that toriel would have asked frisk to take the garbage bag to the curb as one of their chores before-- well. and now the kid is frozen, sad eyes staring at the garbage can with something heavy crawling across their back.

sans doesn't know what it's like, longing so deeply for something. sometimes, he's not sure he really knows what feeling anything is like anymore.

there's nothing more that sans wants than to leave frisk to have this moment alone. but he'd already promised the kid that they were stuck with him, and it's not like he is going to make himself useful by actually packing up tori’s--now the kid’s--belongings. so he stays, and watches frisk's shoulders stiffen with decision.

they take out the trash.

it's one more thing they're saying goodbye to.

a lot of the furniture has been parceled between the friends gathered to help frisk. undyne had snagged quite a few kitchen appliances, asgore had been surprised and touched when frisk gave him toriel's bookshelves and her treasured chairiel.

there were quite a few things frisk was donating as well, both to a monster shelter--a lot of toriel's non-perishable foodstuffs and blankets--and to the mwa group moving in.

some other things were for asgore's storage system, to be considered another day--toriel’s clothes, her stacks of books, the teaching supplies.

frisk seems reluctant to actually keep anything for themselves, despite sans insisting that they can keep every item in the house. not like asgore cant afford that much storage. there's a lot that frisk lingers over, but hesitates to grab. a book of snail facts that frisk rubs a finger over before placing it in a box headed for asgore's house.

sans, despite everything else, knows the importance of bedtime stories and he knicks the tome when noone is looking.

and now frisk is getting teary eyed over the trash can. sans doesn't want to psychoanalyze that, but it's not like he can stop himself from reading the tense lines in their body.

he hops up onto the kitchen counter, the movement familiar enough to him. he knocks into the knife block, and frisk’s eyes snap to him. their gaze slides over to the knives, contemplating.

they drag a new box to the counter and reach towards the cabinets, ignoring the knives.

“oh, you think since i'm up here i'm game to help you?” he leans back, resting against the backsplash, short enough that the cabinets dont bother him.

they shake their head and rattle the box insistently and sans relents.

“‘k. but only ‘cause youre even shorter than me.” and instead of reaching up to hand the mugs in the cupboard to the kid, he just turns their soul blue and lifts them up to the cabinets.

they laugh, delighted, and plop the box on sans' lap, before getting down to business.

frisk isn't going about this methodically, though they are being thorough. it probably doesn't help that the rest of their friends are disorganized themselves, each deciding to tack different areas. mostly this means that frisk has already helped undyne and papyrus pack up a lot of the dishes and pots and pie tins--frisk didn't keep any for themselves, but gave Papyrus everything from the casserole dish to the smallest tart round. sans doesnt know why, his brother doesn't really bake and always looks quizzical when sans offers a quiche on the rare occasion sans gives him a night off from dinner duty--but there are still coffee mugs since undyne has too many already and Papyrus doesn't really drink things that can't be put into a normal glass.

frisk carefully pulls these down and hands them to sans, who dutifully wraps them in newspaper and places them into the box. toriel had a lot of mugs, a lot of funny ones and collectible ones. he huffs a laugh at i like you a latte as he wraps the papers around it.

frisk laughs as well, and hands him another, this one saying this is some with a picture of a koala and a tea bag. that one is very good.

another mug, another joke. “that's what.” -she is particularly clever and sans can see it delighting the part of toriel who loved teaching.

frisk gestures to be let down and as soon as their feet touch the tile they take off to another cabinet, digging through the contents before running back to sans and the box.

sans wraps up a salt shaker and tilts his head and the ceramic battery sculpture paired with it. frisk huffs and shakes some pepper out of the batter and sans is positively delighted.

“a salt and battery!” sans laughs, doubling over on the counter, “that one really--” he tries to catch a breath between his chuckling, “that one really packs a punch, kid!”

frisk helps sans off the counter when he gets over his laughing fit, and gathers a few more punny kitchenware for the box before giving it back to sans.

“alright, where do’ya want this one?” he follows frisk's direction and sets the box down, deliberately separate from but still related to Papyrus’ stack of boxes.

“oh--” he, uh, he doesn't know what to say now.

frisk looks at him, expression determined.

“IS THIS ONE MY BROTHER'S THEN?”

Papyrus swoops in and snags the box from between them.

“ah, pap--”

“YES, SANS?” Papyrus looks guilelessly at sans, cradling the box. frisk is nervously biting their lip. okay. yeah, this isn't the hill he's going to die on. he can just. put them in a drawer somewhere and not look at them, or something. no need to get worked up about this. ‘s not like his kitchen is already going to be filled up with tori's left behinds.

“there's uh, ceramics in there. so.”

“OF COURSE I WILL BE CAREFUL WITH THEM, SANS! THAT'S WHY I AM CARRYING THEM. I AM THE BEST AT CARRYING THINGS. I CARRY YOU ALL THE TIME!”

“you're right.”

Papyrus spins on his heel and marches out the door like he's afraid sans is going to unpack the box if he isn't fast enough. sans sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

most of the house is packed up now. undyne os clattering somewhere throwing junk in a box to be donated probably. asgore is marking things to be put in storage.

a touch nudges his hand, and sans looks down to see the kid looking at him from beneath their fringe.  the kitchen is clear enough for frisk, the kid is content that anything left can be claimed by their friends or given away now that they've gotten sans to accept the box.

sans lets his hand turn so he can catch frisk's fingers. “alright, what's next?”

frisk tightens the hold and leads him down the hall, to toriel's room. sans feels his grin take a nervous shade, but. he said he'd be there for the kid, he can't run away now.

frisk’s grip is too tight.

the door creaks open and sans is led inside. the lights are off and the kid does not turn them on, so neither does sans. they tug him over to a desk where they finally let go of his hand. he’s in it too far to leave now, so he puts his hands in his pockets while the kid carefully goes through the desk drawers.

tori’s room is quaint, tidy. like he would expect from her, if he had to guess. her bed is tucked in a corner, taking up more room than a standard but less than a king, the covers smoothed and well made but not like a perfectionist did them up. there is a chest and a dresser. everything is unassuming.

frisk closes a drawer with care so sans takes his cue and refocuses his attention on them.

they are holding out a book.

“oh, kiddo…”

oh, kiddo indeed. they hold out the book insistently. sans does not take it. they insist again. sans dodges.

“c’mon that’s, kid… it’s-- that’s uh,” he runs out of words.

they pull back the book just to flip it open, searching for a page to show him. he doesn’t want to see it. they show him anyways. it’s just a simple planner, a teacher’s agenda. days divided into squares with notes written in the corners. almost like a journal. there’s an entry circled and sans can’t help but read it.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? …. Because she was feeling BONELY!

frisk closes the book and offers it again like a question. sans shakes his head.

“i just…” it’s too much, he doesn’t say. he’s been doing good at not thinking about it. he’s been doing really good and avoiding the thoughts and memories and expecting her braying laughter after he tells a joke and finding its absence instead.

he spent so much time trying to minimize the damage. he can remember the first time he stopped and realized this was going to hurt, when it ended and known he’d been in too deep to stop it from hurting at all because toriel had made it so hard to just not care but he had been preparing himself for the inevitability that she’d get tired of him, or offended? or that he’d mess something up like he always does and she’d be out of his life, because the only good thing he ever managed to keep was Papyrus and that was inexplicably in spite of everything sans ever did.

this was so much worse than he was expecting.

all that effort and now everywhere he turns there’s a space that isn’t empty but doesn’t have potential anymore. his next words don’t have the potential to make toriel laugh, anymore. the spaces between his fingers no longer have the potential to get chalky with flour. he’ll never be able to tell tori that, yeah, this time he’d tag along as a pta chaperone for a fieldtrip, make some prime parents from hell jokes, yeah? all this time keeping himself a couple feet withdrawn, content to whilst away the maybes and somedays and now all he has to show for it is a sad kid and a journal telling him how lonely tori was.

he wasn’t much good for anything, but he’d had a chance to be a good friend. now that, like everything else, was gone.

he can’t meet the kid’s eyes. he knows he has some kinda responsibility here but. he’ll mess it up anyways, won’t he? he already is. he actually already has. he’s surprised Papyrus isn’t more messed up than he lets on.

he’s through the bedroom door almost before he’s made a decision, but he doesn’t step into the hallway of toriel’s house. instead he steps onto the clashing carpet of his and his bro’s second floor, the door behind him clicking shut. he stands there for a moment.

he guesses that it was time for the punchline to hit. it took such a long while, of course it was sure to be a knockout.

there’s nothing left to do, but slip into his room and clock out for the day.

he gets away with it for longer than he expected, honestly. and the wake up is far gentler than he expects.

“SANS?”

papyrus finally knocks on his door. it’s been… sans squints at the dark of his ceiling. well, it can’t have been too long, none of his bosses have called him, at least.

“SANS… MAY I COME IN?”

sans shifts his head to peak out at the door frame. everything’s dark so he’d be able to see if the frame was on. it’s not. he looks back at the ceiling. he hears Papyrus shifting as he waits for an invitation. sans knows he should say something but he can’t bring himself to. Papyrus finally settles against the door, sans can hear him slide down against it.

“I HAVE FINISHED PUTTING AWAY… EVERYTHING. EVEN THE MUGS. I ASKED IF YOU WANTED THEM ANYWHERE SPECIFIC BUT… YOU DIDN’T ANSWER. SO I PUT THEM IN THE CUPBOARD! THE ONE YOU CAN REACH. I HOPE THAT IS OKAY.”

that’s considerate of him.  sans should say so.

“I WILL TAKE YOUR SILENCE AS THE RINGING ENDORSEMENT I AM SURE IT IS. THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NOT DISCOURAGED BY YOUR CONTINUED SILENCE AT ALL.”

sans stays silent.

“OF COURSE… IF YOU WERE TO BREAK YOUR SILENCE BY. PERHAPS. SPEAKING TO ME. OR EVEN MAKING SOME SORT OF SOUND ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, ALIVE IN THERE, IT WOULD NOT BE REMISS.”

that makes sans blink. oh right. yeah. right. he pushes himself up. he should say something but. but that still feels like too much. like if he said something it might. it might start something he can’t stop. he pats around for his phone.

he digs it out of one of his pockets. it’s still got a charge--thank you alphys--and it’s set to silent. there are some missed notifications but he ignores them to pull up papyrus’ contact. he composes a message. short, sweet, to the point: im awake

he hears the buzz of Papyrus’ phone.  

“OH-- OH GOOD. GOOD.”

his voice sounds shaky, relief in every octave. good going sans, brother of the year, there.

“FINALLY YOU BREAK YOUR LAZY STREAK! CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER, YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BREAKING YOUR SELF IMPOSED ISOLATION AND REUNITING WITH SOCIETY. I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU.”  the thing is, Papyrus doesn’t even sound sarcastic, because he is very proud of sans.

“YOU MISSED UNDYNE SUPLEXING ASGORE AFTER YOU. LEFT.” Papyrus offers in the silence sans let grow. “SHE KEPT TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON HIM AFTER THE FURNITURE WAS CLEARED.  ALPHYS HAS PICTURES. PROBABLY.”

“FRISK SPENT THE NIGHT TO HELP UNDYNE AND ALPHYS, WHICH THEY COULD DO BECAUSE THEY ARE ON A TEMPORARY BREAK FROM SCHOOL AND AS SUCH DOES NOT NEED TO GET UP EARLY AND BE CAREFULLY DELIVERED TO THE CAMPUS AS IS CUSTOMARY FOR A HUMAN THEIR AGE.��

despite everything, sans can tell Papyrus is trying to lead up to something. sans still cannot find his voice, but his brother is doing his best and what would sans be if he didn’t try, too? he rolls carefully onto the floor.

“I HAVE CONSIDERATELY RESEARCHED THE RULES AND REGULATIONS OF FRISK’S SCHOOL SYSTEM, AS A SELFLESS BOON BECAUSE THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NOT ONLY THOUGHTFUL AND GENEROUS, HE IS PREPARED! IT WAS NOT BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM. THINGS.”

sans stumbles in his fumbling steps to stand.

“I AM NOT SURE YOU ARE AWARE, BROTHER, BUT THERE ARE TWO SETS OF HOURS, REFLECTING EACH OTHER. THIS MEANS THERE IS A SEVEN IN THE MORNING AS WELL AS THE EVENING.  THOUGH THIS IS AN HOUR I SEE VERY OFTEN, AS A RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF SOCIETY WITH A DEDICATION TO HIS JOB, IT IS ONE I KNOW YOU ARE UNACCUSTOMED TO ENTERTAINING. REGARDLESS… THIS IS THE HOUR  FRISK MUST BE UP TO START GETTING READY FOR THEIR SCHOOLING, IF THEY ARE TO MAKE IT ON TIME.”

Papyrus’ voice trills, the way it does when he starts up his monologues, settling into his speech. sans can almost see the way his hands gesticulate, gloves underlining the points in his words.

“AND OF COURSE THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL RELISH THE CHANCE TO TAKE OUR TINY HUMAN FRIEND TO SCHOOL ON THE WAY TO HIS IMPORTANT JOB! HOWEVER THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I MUST BE UP MUCH EARLIER THAN EVEN SEVEN IN THE MORNING, AND FRISK CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO MAKE THE LONG AND POTENTIALLY PERILOUS PATH THEMSELVES… “

here his hand would flutter, nervously, as if conjuring the next set of words he has to speak.

“AND, THOUGH APPARENTLY BREAKS ARE MANDATORY AND MUST BE TAKEN DESPITE A HEALTHY WORK ETHIC--” Papyrus audibly stops himself from going on a tangent. “--THERE IS NOT ONE LONG ENOUGH AT THE RIGHT TIME TO PICK THEM UP AFTER SCHOOL.”

“AND. THOUGH MY COOKING IS UNPARALLELED AND FILLED WITH PASSION, HUMANS NEED MORE THAN MAGIC TO KEEP THEIR GROSS HUMAN BITS RUNNING PROPERLY. AND HUMANS NEED A LOT OF SOCIAL INTERACTION, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, IN THE FORM OF SUPERVISED ‘PLAY DATES' WHICH ARE NOT COVERED IN THE DATING MANUAL! “

“AND THERE IS A THING CALLED PTA? AND ONE MUST JOIN THE PTA IN ORDER TO FULFILL OPTIMUM GUARDIAN POTENTIAL AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS JUST DOES NOT HAVE TIME TO ATTEND EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES IF THEY DO NOT OCCUR BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 5PM AND 4AM, WHICH THE SCHOOL ASSURES ME THEY DO NOT! I CANNOT BELI--”

sans opens the door and Papyrus tumbles backward, falling onto the floor with a noise of surprise.

“what's a matter, bro? all this worrying is making you fall down.” the weight of the sentence hits sans all at once. “i mean, fall over-- uh, that's, sorry, that one was awful.”

“NYEH HEH HEH, SANS!” Papyrus laughs from the floor, giving sans a faint sense of unreality. Papyrus laughing at a terrible joke while sans looks down at him. things have been weird lately.

“stop laughing, bro, we really gotta get your funny bone checked out.”

“FORGIVE ME IF I ENJOY JAPES THAT REQUIRE A LITTLE MORE BACKBONE THAN YOU LIKE TO MAKE!”

sans shakes his head. this is one of those times he would choose to smile if he had a choice. his brother is really the best. even if his brother is working himself up for some reason.

“what’re you really upset about?” sans asks, letting his shoulder lean against the doorframe.

“I AM NOT UPSET! I JUST. WANT TO SUPPORT YOU IN THE THINGS YOU DECIDE TO DO.”

“support me?” sans crosses his arms. Papyrus gives him an incredulous look, like sans is the one acting topsy turvy today.

“I KNOW YOUR MEMORY GETS WEIRD WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE SAD NAPS. BUT YOU CANNOT FORGET YOUR COMMITMENT TO FRISK WHILE THEY CHOOSE IN WHICH DIRECTION THE REST OF THEIR LIFE WILL GO!”

“that’s exaggerating just a bit, bro.”

“YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT IS NOT!”

sans shrugs. then sighs. “i think… i already messed this up.”

“BUT NOT IRREPARABLY, BROTHER. MISS TORI-- THE HOUSE IS PACKED UP NOW, AND FRISK CANNOT STAY THERE ANY LONGER. ASGORE HAS BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO, AND YOU ARE THEIR LEGAL GUARDIAN FOR NOW! SO THEY WILL BE RETURNING HERE. YOU CAN APOLOGIZE!” papyrus squints up at sans. “OR MAYBE PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED, BUT RESOLVE TO DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE!”

“ouch,”

“I’M ONLY SAYING THE TRUTH. YOU’RE VERY AVOIDANT. BUT EITHER WAY, I AM HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. OR. I WANT TO BE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.”

“things would… have to change a lot, huh.”

Papyrus is not a monster that enjoys hiding his feelings, and so it’s very easy for sans to see the concern and doubt in his brother’s face as Papyrus leans back and stares up at him.  his brother radiates openness, an easy ear to listen to him, if either of them had ears.

“heh, have to start scheduling my naps again, huh.”

“YOU MAY HAVE TO EVEN QUIT ONE OF YOUR JOBS TO FIT THEM ALL IN!” papyrus is way too excited by that.

“yeah, heh.” he swallows. they can afford for him to drop a job or two, but doing so makes sans uneasy. sure he’d have more time off, Papyrus doesn’t need sans to provide a cushion anymore, and it’s been a long, long time since sans has needed to “figure something out” when bills started piling up in the mail.

“what if they decide to stay?” he asks, hunching inwards.

“THEN THESE CHANGES MAY BE PERMANENT FOR US! I CAN SUBMIT CHANGES TO MY AVAILABLE HOURS, SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF. AGAIN.”

“you love your job.”

“I WOULDN’T BE QUITTING SANS! IN FACT, I HAVE A SUSPICION THAT MY BOSS WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE IT IF I STOPPED CLOCKING IN ON THE WEEKENDS.”  Papyrus shakes his head wryly.

“okay, yeah, maybe you should stop doin that.” he crosses his arms and hisses air through his teeth. “i want to argue that you shouldn’t have to step in when i can’t uh, can’t do something myself, or by myself. but you’re being frustratingly good at cutting off my points of argument.”

“THANK YOU! I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING. YOU’RE VERY GOOD AT DEFLECTING AND I NEEDED TO STRENGTHEN MY OFFENSE IN RETALIATION.”

“you shouldn’t have to do that, i should just be able to talk about this without getting, heh, rattled.”

“AND WE ARE BACK TO THE LOWEST TIER OF HUMOR. BROTHER. ALL MY LIFE, YOU HAVE BEEN HELPING ME! ALONE! AND I WOULD BE DOING YOU A DISSERVICE IF I INSISTED I NEEDED TO ‘PAY YOU BACK’ FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU SUPPORTED ME. BUT, I WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE TO HELP YOU, TOO. I WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE TO DO THINGS. WITH YOU. AND FEEL LIKE I AM HELPING.”

“AND, I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO ‘PAY IT FORWARD’. I LIKE FRISK VERY MUCH, AND IF THEY CHOSE TO STAY WITH YOU--WITH US--THEN I THINK I WOULD LIKE LEARNING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AS WELL. I WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE FOR THEM, THE WAY YOU WERE THERE FOR ME.”  he doesn’t need to say “the way no one was there for you,” but sans can read it off his face easy enough.

he must make some sort of expression, because Papyrus finally sits up, kneeling so he can glare into sans’ face.

“YOU ARE THINKING ‘but Papyrus, I was terrible at raising you when I, myself, was a child and had no idea what I was doing’ BUT YOU ARE WRONG. AS PROOF: LOOK AT ME, I AM EXCELLING AT LIFE!” Papyrus gestures at the whole of himself, smiling broadly. sans laughs half-heartedly.

“you are pretty great, bro. but you deserved a better life than what i could give you. frisk deserves a better one, too. and they had tori-- uh. they had tori. there’s no way i can live up to her. i don’t know why she named me anyways, unless it was a joke.” it’s a joke sans would laugh at, too, in any other situation.

“SANS.” Papyrus actually puts his hands on sans’ shoulders and gives him a shake, the frustration welling up in him. “I DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS THAT I CAN PUT IT. BUT! YOU! DID THE BEST THAT YOU COULD! AND YOU WILL DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN IF FRISK DECIDES TO STAY WITH US! I KNOW YOU ENJOY PRETENDING TO BE LAZY AND ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T EXPEND ANY EFFORT. BUT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU BELIEVE IT, AND I CANNOT STAND THAT.”

“YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT, YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH SANS! TORIEL CHOSE YOU, INSTEAD OF ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE SHE KNEW THIS! AND SHE HAD EYES! SHE COULD SEE HOW MUCH EFFORT YOU PUT INTO FRISK, EVEN AS JUST A FAMILY FRIEND! IT WAS NOT A JOKE. YOUR LIFE ISN’T A JOKE, SANS. YOU’RE MUCH BETTER AT THINGS THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE, AND IF YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT, THEN I WILL BE RIGHT HERE TO CONTINUE TELLING YOU.”

‘“aw, geeze, pap.”

“AND,” Papyrus looks to the side, shifty eyed, “IF YOU CANNOT BELIEVE ME--”

“hey, no, pap--”

“YOU SHOULD READ THIS.” Papyrus pulls out the same book that startled sans into running away in the first place. it’s plain cover unassuming in papyrus’ gloved palm.

“Papyrus…”

“YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP IT, BUT YOU SHOULD READ IT. WHEN YOU CAN. SANS, I KNOW TORIEL MEANT A LOT TO YOU. THOUGH YOU TRY TO HIDE IT? FOR SOME REASON? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT IT’S VERY HARD TO PRETEND YOU DO NOT LIKE HER WHEN YOU ACTUALLY PICK UP THE PHONE WHEN SHE CALLS, OR DITCH YOUR EVENING NAP TO SLEEP ON HER COUCH AND EAT HER FOOD OR-- OH,”

Papyrus stops in the middle of his rant. sans’ shoulders are shaking. sans doesn’t know when that started, this whole conversation makes him want to crawl back into the depression on his mattress.

“I’M SORRY.” Papyrus sets the journal down. “I FORGOT, I’M SORRY.” he carefully puts his arms around sans’ shoulders, like any pressure will make crush sans. after a second, papyrus pulls sans closer, and makes the loose cradle into a real hug. “IT’S OKAY, SANS, IT REALLY IS.”

sans’ face is pressed against the fabric of Papyrus’ shoulder. Papyrus’ arms are locked around sans like, like something sturdy and lasting. something safe. and despite that cold feeling in his chest, the ice that crawls up his spine when he stops to think about anything, the purple karma that drips from his hands when he looks at them. despite everything, in this one moment, he thinks maybe Papyrus is right. maybe it’s okay.

sans, for the first time in, stars, years, starts to cry.

it’s not that sans is trying to ignore the apology he owes, or that he’s trying to prove Papyrus right. it’s just that he needs to figure himself out, and do it in a very compressed time. so while Papyrus puts together a quick lunch, and takes the kid out (for more icecream) and comes back with increasingly exasperated but still supportive side-eyes and pointed remarks about the living room and emotional depth, sans hides in the basement.

there’s a photo album sans keeps there, with some other things that he likes to avoid direct contact with. he hasn’t actually opened the album in years, but he can’t just throw it away. even if just because it’s not only his, but papyrus’ too. what if twenty years in the future, indeed.

sans knows he has issues. he can even trace why he acts like that for a good number of those issues. he didn’t have the chance to be a picky eater as a kid, so now he’s just a garbage disposal. he got in the habit of scrimping so he could make the bills, and even though he’s got a safety net now, it’s a habit he’s unwilling to break.

some of them are harder for him to place--he like making people laugh, to the point that he knows he can be obnoxious or will have to work harder at being taken serious. maybe making jokes is easier than honest emotional labor (true). maybe making people laugh is the fastest way to take control of a situation (true)--but he can conjure up a guess or two.  

sometimes, he just. doesn’t know, and thinking about it doesn’t really help--sometimes he’ll order something online, only to get it twice even though he’s pretty sure he only got it once. he only ordered one of them, he should return the second, but he’s always so certain it’ll take care of itself. why would it take care of itself? it’s not like his purchases and bank account get reset after a week--so he doesn’t think about it.

so. grieving. it’s not something he has practice with, not for lack of opportunity. it’s why he has a photo album collecting dust in his basement. it’s why even Papyrus doesn’t say much about their past when anyone inquires about the skeleton brothers. it’s why he’s avoiding the child of a deer friend.

oh, she would’ve like that one.

but he was right, earlier. papyrus deserved a better life than the one sans managed to cobble together, no matter what papyrus has to say about it now. and frisk also deserves better than a bag of bones too bitter, too scared to figure out how to open up a little.

he was also right, in that frisk should still get to choose.

“SANS?” papyrus calls down the basement stairs.

“yeah?”

“TIME FOR DINNER?”

“are you asking me?”

“OF COURSE NOT, I AM ANNOUNCING THAT IT IS TIME FOR DINNER! FRISK IS SETTING THE TABLE, PLEASE COME UP, I DO NOT WANT OUR MEAL TO GET COLD!”

sans smiles from the dinner table, winking at frisk when they turn to set a plate down and sees him.

“bro, we’re waiting on you now.”

Papyrus whirls around at the sound of sans’ voice, eyebrows comically raised for someone who has been living with sans their whole lives. he gathers himself expertly and stomps his foot, seamlessly falling back into their familiar, comfortable roles.

“SANS YOU LAZYBONES! YOU COULD HAVE WALKED UP THE STAIRS!”

“but i didn’t wanna miss your spescapula cooking!”

“SANS! YOU KNOW MY COOKING IS WORTH MORE THAN AN EASY PUN!”

“you’re right bro, didn’t mean to punsult you.”

“THAT WAS EVEN WORSE!!”

“you’re smiling anyways.” sans settles back into his chair.

“I AM! AND! I HATE IT!”

there’s a clatter of utensils, as frisk kneels on their seat to serve themself, and sans takes the serving spoon from frisk’s hands before papyrus can, motioning them to push their plate closer. “don’t worry kid, i got you.”

frisk doesn’t hesitate to let him dump a spoonful of mash potatoes on their plate, and doesn’t object when sans’ grin turns mischievous. he adds another spoonful, and another. and another. and another.

“SANS!”

“what, you gonna deny the kid a well balanced dinner?” he asks. frisk looks delighted at the slightly leaning tower of potatoes stuck to their plate. Papyrus’ shriek of frustration makes something loosen in sans’ rib cage.

frisk is a good, even tempered kiddo. there’s no comparing them to papyrus at that age. but the guilt that settles behind his jaw when he thinks of them is the same sort that fills him up with he thinks about his brother’s babybone era.

the kid is staying in Papyrus’ room for the moment, and sans lingers in the doorway. only a little bit creepily. he grips the book in his hand. maybe this is a bad idea. sans should just let frisk get to sleep. they got a lot going on, he doesn’t need to interrupt them.

he takes a step back towards the staircase. then sidles back to the door. he’s let things go long enough already, though. it doesn’t matter how unruffled the kid acts, sans knows they feel bad about how he acted back at tori’s. and whether they already have forgiven him or not, he needs to let them know it’s not their fault. that he’s the one who is sorry and needs to make up for it.

it reminds him sharply, of being young and confused but determined, facing the door papyrus insisted on slamming in his face because SHUTTING A DOOR IS A PHYSICAL PUNCTUATION MARK SANS, AND THIS ONE IS AN EXCLAMATION!  and having no idea what went wrong or how to fix it, but knowing he couldn’t let this one lie.

the door opens.

“ah, sorry, i--ah geeze really?” frisk looks tiredly up at him. okay, so he forgot they could see his shadow under the door frame. that’s only mildly embarassing.

“did you… want a bedtime story?” he asks. they step away from the door. “yeah, course i have time, kiddo. i wouldn’t offer if there was anything i’d rather be doin.”

he follows them inside, and though he can tell they are trying to be even keeled, the speed they use to jump back into Papyrus’ bed makes it clear they’re excited about this.  he follows at a more sedate pace, thinking over his decision. he could always dig out Fluffy Bunny instead, that’s a classic. but, that wouldn’t mean the same thing. he’s gotta show his hand.

“alright,” he says, settling himself onto the bed with frisk. “let me know if you want a different book, but i thought you might like this one.” he pulls turns the cover so frisk can see.

“99 snail facts.” a sharp noise escapes frisk, but they don’t protest. sans lets himself smooth their hair over before opening the book.

“number 99, snails have tongues covered in hundreds of little teeth. okay, that’s, terrifying.” frisk laughs. “yeah i guess it works like a chainsaw? or a file. look here’s a diagram.” he flips the book to show frisk, who nods at the picture. “figure a, the radula, with rows of teeth. wow, didn’t know snails were so rad. number 98, snails are part of a group called gastropod molluscs that means, uh, soft stomach foot-- hey, i resemble that remark, heh.”

he pages through the book with frisk, and if either of them get misty eyed about it. well, at least they can wipe each other’s tears.  he pats frisk’s head one last time, before hopping off the bed and turning out the light for them to sleep.

papyrus is waiting for him downstairs, still settled on the couch. he turns to stare as sans makes his way over, scooting to the side so sans can flop onto the couch. sans’ face still has residue on it from story, and he scrubs it against the couch fibres. Papyrus doesn’t protest.

“what’s it, paps?” he mumbles into the cushion.

“FIRST, I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR OPENING UP TO FRISK!”

“thanks?”

“SECOND: IS EMOTIONALLY HEAVY READING MATERIAL THE THEME WITH YOU RECENTLY?”

“oh,” papyrus is holding the album. “didn’t think you’d find that so fast.”

“IT WAS ON THE TABLE. YOU DIDN’T EVEN HIDE IT IN A JOKE BOOK. I MEAN, IF YOU AREN’T READY AFTER ALL--”

“nah, pap, if i weren’t ready, it’d still be collecting dust downstairs.”

“... ARE YOU SURE?”

sans sits up and turns to face papyrus. his brother looks nervous, with an undercurrent of excitement and worry. this is something sans should’ve done a long time ago. instead of dwelling on the guilt he lets himself fall against his brother’s side, grabbing for the photo album. Papyrus gives it to him, and he opens the cover.

there’s an oval frame, and in that frame is a washed out photo of papyrus’ baby face, mouth open in what sans’ is sure was a ear-piercing shriek. there’s a blurry skeletal hand in the frame, like the suddenness of papyrus’ yell made someone jerk across the camera. below the portrait papyrus 19XX? is written sans’ handwriting. he tilts the page towards papyrus, who reaches out and flips it.

“WHO’S THAT?”

sans runs a finger across the old photo. something sharp twists behind his sternum, the same thing as always. the thing that makes him want to throw away all these mementos and forget they ever mattered to him because if he doesn’t, he’s afraid his soul is going to shatter. but he’s been hiding for way too long now.

maybe it’s time sans admits he deserves something better, too. he looks at papyrus’ curious face. he taps his finger against the photo.

“that was the royal scientist.”

“WHAT’S A ROYAL SCIENTIST AND WHY ARE THEY IN OUR PHOTO ALBUM?”

“oh yeah, the dreemur family used to be, like, filthy rich back in the day. so everyone would call ‘em the monster nation’s royal family. pretty sure they were actually a royal family at some point. anyway, he got that nickname ‘cause the dreemurs liked sponsoring his pet projects.”

for some reason, with papyrus’ bones digging into his side, sans felt the prickling sensation of ice start melting off his back. Papyrus passes him a ceramic mug as he settles into the story.

tomorrow the kid might decide they’re better off living with asgore. or they might decide they like living with sans and papyrus better. sans might freak out again, or he might be able to wait until he’s not gonna scar the kid for life again. either way, he’s making sure they know they’ve got options, and that he (and papyrus and asgore and all their friends) are behind them 100 percent.

but until then, he’s got this. his brother, these photos, a mug with a lame pun, and the warm feeling that he might actually be doing something right for once.

[ask-serious-sans]

PTA Reader (Platonic!Reader and PTA Sans) Part 22

Summary: In which Linda has another one of her 'excellent' ideas.

"-And that's why I think we should have a Haunted House event at the school." "Linda, it's the middle of February." Linda ignored Sans' comment. "It's a bit short notice, I know, but I think we could decorate a few classrooms in the span of a few hours if we all work together." "What do you mean, 'short notice'?" you ask, already dreading the reply. After all, Sans was right- it was nowhere near Halloween. "I may have already printed out flyers and posted them around town." Linda replied off-handedly, as if this was completely normal. Then again, it kind of was for her. "When is this Haunted House supposed to open?" you ask, holding your forehead in your hands. "Friday," Linda replied cheerfully. "This Friday?" you inquire, tone full of disbelief. Linda nodded, smiling as if she hadn't just announced, with less than a week of notice, that the PTA was going to be hosting a Haunted House event. "Let me get this straight," one of the teachers spoke up, "you're giving us three days to put together a Haunted House. Do you even have any decorations prepared, or do we need to make those too? And how are we going to get people to act in the Haunted House? No one's going to agree to that on such short notice!" "Fortunately, that won't be a problem. I'm sure the monsters will help out." Linda replied, completely ignoring the other questions. Sans frowned. "What exactly are you expecting us monsters to help out with?" "You know, being the creepy monsters that 'haunt' the classrooms." Linda explained. "Anyway-" "They are not creepy!" you all-but-shouted, furious at the insult directed at your friends. "Whatever." Linda didn't appear particularly concerned by your outburst, just a bit annoyed at being interrupted. "As I was saying-" "What makes you think we'll agree to help you when you insult us like that?" Sans pointed out. "You and that tall, loud skeleton can be in the science classroom. Like deceased mad scientists that returned to finish their incomplete experiments or something," Linda continued, ignoring Sans completely. She also didn't seem to note Sans' expression growing especially irritated by her suggestion. You didn't know why, but it seemed her idea had struck a nerve. "We are not doing that." Sans said coldly. "Yes you are, for the good of the Haunted House-" "We are not doing that." The temperature in the room seemed to have dropped ten degrees in an instant, and Sans' generally bright eye lights were completely gone. "Or you can just be those plastic skeletons that teachers use to teach children the names of all the bones," Linda suggested hastily, looking slightly terrified. An instant later, Sans was back to normal, acting like nothing had happened. "Heh, sure. That could be humerus." This reaction appeared not to lessen Linda's fear in the slightest. "Tibia honest, I agree," you added, trying to ease the tension in the room. By now, most of the other occupants of the room had more or less relaxed, but Linda was quite obviously avoiding looking in Sans' direction. The fact she didn't even scowl at you when you made a pun spoke volumes. This was already off to a concerning start. You could only imagine how much worse preparations for this Haunted House were going to get. At least Linda had the sense not to suggest any other monsters for roles in the event for the remainder of the meeting. Instead, she spent the time organizing everyone into groups to prepare decorations and decorate classrooms. A riot almost started when Linda insisted everyone meet up the next day, since most of the members already had plans. She eventually managed to guilt almost everyone into coming, by claiming the Haunted House would reflect on the PTA as a whole so it had to be perfect. You bit back a comment on how she shouldn't have given everyone less than a week of notice if she wanted perfection, but just barely. It wasn't like it would do any good at this point, anyway. If she'd already put up the fliers, they couldn't push back the Haunted House's opening.

The monsters had been surprisingly receptive to the idea of helping out with the Haunted House- though you had a feeling Linda calling them creepy hadn't made it's way into the conversation- and many had even agreed to help the PTA set everything up. You weren't sure how Linda was going to explain to the rest of the school's staff why there were fake cobwebs strewn throughout the school in February, but that wasn't your problem. So, you, a few parents and teachers, and some of the monsters were now decorating the auditorium under Mettaton's directions. Mettaton had claimed this room as his and Napstablook's domain, not that anyone had actually tried to challenge it. Apparently, Mettaton had talked Napstablook into putting on a literal rendition of 'the Phantom of the Opera' which you doubted would be scary, but would certainly be entertaining. Muffet had offered to 'haunt' the Cafeteria and hand out spider pastries. Linda had looked like she wanted to argue, but when she realized how helpful and efficient Muffet's spider friends were at hanging decorations, she decided it was a fair price to pay for having the Haunted House ready on time. Even so, everyone was still working on Friday afternoon to put the finishing touches on the 'haunted' rooms. It wasn't until a half hour before the first opening of the Haunted House to the public that Linda finally announced everything was finished. This was a relief to the entire set-up crew, all of whom had spent many hours in the past few days being yelled at by Linda as she tried to direct them in putting the decorations up. Even you, while used to being yelled at during PTA meetings, thought she was going overboard with the shouting. Someone had jokingly suggested Linda play a role in the Haunted House as a banshee. Linda had been furious, but hadn't been able to yell at them about it since it would just prove their point, so she'd resorted to silently fuming. You had somehow been convinced to guide the children from room to room, and Linda insisted you try to make everything seem scarier, since the monsters were all quite friendly. However, you thought it would be a lot more interesting to have a friendly Haunted House than a scary one, though you didn't say that aloud, figuring Linda would just yell at you again. When everyone was in their places, Linda led a group of children over to where you waited at the school's entrance. "Hello, everyone," you told the kids, smiling. "Be scarier," Linda instructed you. "Sorry. Hello, everyone," you repeated in what you hoped was an ominous tone. Frisk, who was among the group of children, burst out laughing. "In my defense, I had no practice," you explained. "You're not supposed to tell them that! Now start the tour, and be scarier!" Linda hissed at you, though you were relatively certain all the children could hear her. "Alright," you shrugged. "Follow me," you added to the children, attempting your ominous tone again. Frisk stifled more laughter. "I know, I know, I'm not ominous at all," you laughed. "Would you like to give it a shot?" Frisk seemed to have a relatively lengthy mental debate, before smiling victoriously. A few moments later, they spoke in a tone infinitely more ominous than your own, "Follow me." Impressed, you grinned, "You should lead the tour instead of me! Then again, I'd have to ruin the mood by telling you what to say..." "Will you just get on with the tour already," Linda glared at you. "Right, come on," you agreed, leading the children down a hallway towards the first room. The first stop was the science classroom, where Sans and Papyrus were waiting, pretending to be plastic model skeletons. As you opened the door and the children filed into the classroom, you began the tale of the first room. "In a science classroom seemingly like any other, there are two model skeletons. They wait motionless during the day, but after sunset..." Here, you paused as Sans and Papyrus started making subtle movements. The children quickly noticed, a few of them shrieking in surprise. "...They awaken and begin to roam the classroom." Sans and Papyrus wandered around the classroom obligingly. "The skeletons look for living beings..." Sans began slowly approaching the group, causing a few children to stumble backwards or cower together, but Frisk actually stepped closer. As Sans ruffled Frisk's hair, you finished the story, "...Because they're actually quite bonely!" Sans chuckled while Papyrus facepalmed. "HUMAN, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE A PUN! YOU RUINED OUR ENTIRE ACT!" All the children, even those who had initially been frightened, laughed. You grinned, happy to see your idea had worked. "And now it is time to move on to the next stop," you said, and Sans and Papyrus waved as you led the children back out of the classroom. Several children waved back. Next was the auditorium, and as soon as the doors leading to it could be seen at the end of the hallway you began speaking again. "In the auditorium, it is said, that once, long ago, a performance of 'The Phantom of the Opera' was held. All was going well until one of the actors tripped onstage, breaking their leg. From that point on, the performance was cursed- anytime a group attempted to perform 'The Phantom of the Opera' on that stage, someone would trip and injure themselves. Now the only ones who attempt the performance here..." you dramatically flung the doors open before continuing, "...Are the phantoms themselves." On stage, a single spotlight shone on Mettaton. Soon, he was joined by Napstablook, although the shy ghost left most of the acting to Mettaton. Not that Mettaton seemed to mind; you had a feeling he'd intended for this to happen, and that his participation in this Haunted House had mainly just been an excuse to perform in front of an audience. When Mettaton was eventually finished, you led the children in a round of applause. While Mettaton enthusiastically thanked them for being a wonderful audience, Napstablook shyly floated backstage. Then, the children chatted excitedly about the performance while you led them to the Cafeteria, growing silent again only when you began to speak. "Now, are you all hungry for a snack?" "Yes!" the children chorused. "Excellent," you replied. "The spiders are always happy to share their food." Entering the Cafeteria revealed Muffet and an army of spiders waiting, the room literally covered in cobwebs. "Ahuhuhu~" Muffet smiled, "Welcome! We have plenty of spider pastries for you to sample~ Made by spiders, for spiders... and of spiders!" Several children glanced at you uncertainly, and you smiled and nodded encouragingly at them. Plates of spider pastries waited on the tables, in an impressive display of flavors. Frisk made a beeline towards a plate of chocolate pastries. "Ahuhuhu~ I didn't know you liked chocolate so much," Muffet said. "I'll make chocolate pastries for you more often." "Sweet! Thanks," Frisk replied, though their tone was slightly different than normal. You decided not to think much of it, and were soon distracted by the other children, who after watching Frisk eat a spider pastry without issue had determined the treats safe to consume and quickly gathered around the tables. Once everyone was ready to continue, you led them out of the Cafeteria and to the gym. Various monsters waited inside the gym, where they would be playing a game of basketball. Undyne and Alphys were the captains of the teams. "In the gym, every evening, gather two teams, cursed for eternity to face each other in a game of basketball. The two teams once faced each other during a World Cup, each certain they would be the victors. However, the game ended in a draw. The teams challenged each other to a rematch, with the same result. Now they continue these rematches, until one team wins. Both teams play with equal skill, and the games are doomed to always end in a tie. Thus, they will never be free from the endless rematches..." The monsters played a short game of basketball for the children to watch, with the game ending in a tie and all the monsters feigning exhaustion and annoyance as they left the court afterwards. To your amazement, several of the children looked like they felt bad for them. Perhaps you had made the 'backstory' too sad? Well, it was too late to change it now. "Is everyone ready for the final location on our tour?" you asked, hoping to cheer the children up or at least distract them. Nods followed your statement, and you led the children back outside of the school, over to an area of the lawn where Asgore and Toriel were tending to some plants. Asgore seemed to be trimming a bush into the shape of a skull. You hoped he had gotten permission to do that beforehand. "Two gardeners have been working at this school for centuries," you began. "They leave messages for those who see their work within the symbolism of the flowers they choose to plant, and the shapes into which they trim the bushes-" "Is... Is someone gonna die? That's a skull!" one of the children cried, pointing nervously at the bush. Asgore looked back sheepishly. "No, not at all!" you said hastily, "In fact, the skull is one of the best symbols you can find! It symbolizes happiness and peace." Hopefully their Language Arts teachers wouldn't get mad at you over this. You could just imagine the children writing something like that in an essay... Oh well, at least they all seemed happy now. "Um, where was I? Oh, right. The current flowers symbolize friendship and luck..." Once the children had a chance to examine the small garden, you led them back to the entrance of the school. Linda was waiting there impatiently. "What took so long?" she demanded when the group reached her. "Uh... What do you mean?" you asked, confused. The tour had taken less than an hour, so you weren't sure why she was complaining. "Never mind." Linda huffed irritably. "Well, was it a success?" The children all cheered loudly, most adding a comment about how cool the monsters were. This made Linda scowl, and you grin. "The monsters were supposed to scare them!" Linda told you angrily, to which you shrugged. "I bet you made the stories less scary on purpose!" Linda insinuated in a tone only slightly quieter than a yell, glaring at you. "You ruined my Haunted House!!" "Ahhh! It's a banshee!" one of the children, though you couldn't tell which, shouted. Instantly, many of the children began echoing the claim, pointing at Linda. Linda sent you a withering glare, and you couldn't help but laugh. "Did you put them up to this?" Linda shrieked at you, only adding fuel to the children's shouts. "No," you replied between bouts of laughter. Linda didn't seem to believe you, but getting to witness this was certainly worth earning her ire.

[stripestheboar]

I love PTA Sans. No matter the AU. 

 ~Undertale~  

Helen: It looks like we’ll have to cut funding for the talent show. 

Sans: wait, hold up- what? that’s such crap! why? 

Helen: Well if we want to make the exchange for only gluten free lunches, we’ll have to. 

Sans: what? but there are, like, fifteen other lunch choices without gluten, and the kids can just bring their own lunch- 

Helen: Sans, you’ll just have to deal with it, okay? These lunches are more important than the talent show. 

Sans: Helen, for the love of god, i did not spend all night cutting out box tops just to hear the shit that spills from your mouth.

~Underfell~

Daniel: Well I just think monsters and humans should be separated in the sports teams.

Sans: what? why the fuck would we do that? the teams are perfectly fine, fuckface.

Daniel: It’s unfair to some of the human players, Sans.

Sans: oh, just ‘cause your kid can’t kick a ball fer shit?

Daniel: *huffs* I’m just trying to make it fair.

Sans: no, it sounds like you’re tryna make it segregation.

Daniel: This meeting is for all of our children, not just yours. Just because Frisk works well with monsters, doesn’t mea-

Sans: who gives a fuck?! all your kids are shit!

~Underswap~

Linda: *sees Papyrus* *smirks and walks over with Helen* Hello Papyrus. Sorry your plan for that field trip didn’t go through. 

Papyrus: *shrugs* eh. it happens. it looks like we won’t take the kids to the science museum after all.

Helen: We just don’t have the money to go to there. Maybe we can take them to the local library. That’s far more affordable and interesting to the childre-

Papyrus: the fuck? ha, no. we actually have over twenty thousand bucks for our field trip.

Linda and Helen: *gawk* What? How?!

Papyrus: my bro’s the head booster mom. they just had a fundraiser.

Sans: *bursts in through the door with arms full of cash* WE’RE GOING TO EUROPE! MWEH HEH HEH!

~Swapfell~ ~Fellswap~ ~Whatever the fuck you call the yellow one~

Sans: *looks at his clipboard* *storms over to Gloria* YOU! PARTICULARLY FLESHY HUMAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

Gloria: *blinks in surprise* Huh? What do you mean?

Sans: ARE YOU SERIOUS? ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS IN SALES?

Gloria: It’s only how much my daughter could sel-

Sans: GLORIA THIS IS A FUNDRAISER, NOT THE GOD DAMN GIRL SCOUTS! AS HEAD BOOSTER MOM, I DEMAND THAT MORE EFFORT BE PUT INTO YOUR SALES!

Gloria: Sans, we’ve already sold most of the cookie dough! We don’t-

Sans: DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING LIVE, GLORIA? WE MUST SELL ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH!

~Horrortale~

Sans: *goes over to the snack table* Whoa. *picks up a pumpkin-shaped cookie that’s well designed* whoa. nice work, Sadie. been years since I’ve had cookies. *is about to eat one*

Suzanne: *rushes over* Oh dear. *snatches cookie away and sighs* I told her not to make those Halloween themed cookies! She knows we cancelled the Halloween themed party next week.

Sans: whoa, what? c’mon, why?

Suzanne: Well, we didn’t want to offend your people.

Sans: “my people”?

Suzanne: Why don’t you have some of my non-offensive brownies instead?

Sans: Suz, i’d rather starve than eat your brownies.

Suzanne: Oh yeah! I’m sorry, Sans. I forgot your people are all anorexic.

Sans:…….. hey, why don’t you and your family come over t’dinner, sometime? my bro’s cooking’s to die for. s’on me, pumpkin *winks*

~Altertale~

Sans: *brought some of Asgore’s scones to the meeting*

Lillian: Oh, are these scones? *tries one* Bleh!? ARE these scones?

Sans: *sighs* yes, they are. is there a problem?

Lillian: Whoever made these needs a few cooking lessons. A few dozen.

Sans:…… *picks up phone and begins to dial*

Lillian: Who are you calling?

Sans: for your lesson. *the call picks up*

Toriel: Hey, Sa-

Sans: she insulted the scones.

*the call goes dead*

Toriel: *bursts through the window* WHO THE FUCK-?!

~Underlust~

Helen: Alright, so far I am leading the sales with over two hundred dollars. *smiles to herself* I suppose my Suzy is just determined to help out our school.

Sans: *rolls his eyelights*

Helen: And Sans? How much did Frisk raise?

Sans: two thousand.

Helen: *sputters* Thousand?! How?!

Sans: candles weren’t doin’ it for us. we tried something else.

Helen: *hesitant to ask* What… did you sell?

Sans: well, we decided it was a good idea to post my picture up on craigslist and-

Linda: YOU SOLD YOUR BODY?!

Sans: Paps and the queen were happy to help, too.

Helen: That’s illegal! It’s a crime!

Sans: boo, the only crimes here are your lemon squares and that getup.

~Echotale~

Martha: It just shouldn’t be mandatory to vaccinate our children!

G: *sighs and rubs face* look, Martha, if you don’t vaccinate your kids, they’re gonna fucking die.

Martha: I am NOT letting those people pump those shots of retardedness into my child.

G: that’s not even a proven-

Martha: I’m sorry; what kind of certification do YOU have?!?

G:*blinks and digs into his pocket* huh? whoa. what’s this? *pulls out his PhD* whoa! huh, i didn’t even know that was in there. *looks at Martha* weird, huh?

~Outertale~

Helen: My child has straight A’s.

Linda: My child made class president.

Sans: my child flew into outer space and freed an entire race. *puts on sunglasses* far out, bitches. *disappears*

[ragecndybars]

How Post-Pacifrisk Sans Becomes PTA Sans

An overly long and detailed description of how I see the origins of PTA Sans.

Alright, I know PTA Sans is mostly a joke AU, but I’m gonna be real honest with y’all, it’s one of my main headcanons for Post Pacifrisk monsters. Like, I wouldn’t even consider it AU, just a continuation.

I mean, the way I see it, even after they get to the surface, Sans is Not Great.  Like, he’s ecstatic at first, of course -- they all got out of the underground, Frisk didn’t kill anyone, monster/human relations are far better than they’d dared to hope, etc -- but then after a week or so, when all the hustle dies down, he just kinda. Casually thinks to himself, “I wonder if the kid can still reset?” And from then on, he’s super paranoid that a reset will occur at any second.

After a while, with the others’ help, he gets himself back together, and Frisk manages to convince him that she’s not going to reset this time, but that doesn’t change the fact that Sans has been living in a world completely free of consequence for a long time, and after so long of becoming numb to it all, it’s really hard to start giving a shit again. So, naturally, everyone decides that what he needs is to find something to be passionate about again -- and Sans is like, hey, it’s a lot of work that I don’t wanna do, but for the first time in a long time I have a genuine shot at happiness, and also Papyrus is already getting excited at the idea, so I guess I’ll give it a try.

(rest under the cut b/c this got long af)

Naturally, going back to being a scientist is right out -- way too many bad memories -- so Alphys can’t really help. Papyrus has become a sort of figurehead for the monsters since he’s so likable, kind, and genuine, and he also still doesn’t really know about the war Asgore called on humanity a while ago, so there’s no chance of him slipping up and mentioning that little detail. But that much attention and always smiling for the camera is really not Sans’ thing either. Undyne is a soccer coach/mom, and probably an athlete of several other types, but geez, Sans gets tired just watching those kids chase that ball around. Toriel lets him try as a substitute teacher for a week, but oh my god turns out being a teacher is actually a lot of work, and he likes the work, but he’s just not quite ready for that level of it yet. Mettaton’s band is full and Sans can only play various comedic noises on the trombone anyway, so that leaves him with not a lot of choices.

But then Asgore approaches him one day all like, “Y’know, Sans, there’s an opening in the PTA at Frisk’s school, and we really want to fill it with a monster for the sake of making our voice heard. Will you give it a try?”

And Sans, despite not liking the sound of it at all, decides, well, he does like Frisk and wants to stick up for the kid, and he is kinda interested in seeing what, exactly, PTAs do, so why not?

Next Wednesday, he shows up to his first meeting, Toriel having at least convinced him to wash his trademark hoodie and shorts, and immediately some of the parents hate him. None of them are bold enough to make any snide remarks -- not even Linda; we’ll get to her later -- but they’re very blatantly suspicious, condescending, and etc. Sans doesn’t actually give one singular shit, so he just trolls them constantly throughout the meeting and doesn’t pay a single shred of attention to what’s going on otherwise -- he has no idea what half the terms they’re using mean, anyway. And, whaddya know, he has a blast! So he happily agrees to go to more of these meetings, if only because Helen’s face turns a very interesting shade of puce when he does so.

The others are ecstatic, thinking he’s finally found something to care about, and they’re so excited that he can’t bear to correct them, so he just kinda rolls with it. But, unfortunately, Papyrus is naturally very invested in the whole thing now, and he starts asking Sans about what the PTA is doing, how Frisk’s schooling in general is going, what the other parents are like, etc. etc. Which means that, since Sans is too weak to leave his brother disappointed, he has to actually start trying, ugggghhhh.

So, with the help of Frisk (I’m tempted to say Toriel but she’s probably just as clueless as Sans honestly), he starts to do some research on some of the things he vaguely remembers Linda and co. arguing about. Like vaccines... okay, so they’re mandatory medicine that keeps kids from getting fatal diseases; cool. And gluten is just... a thing some people are allergic to, but a lot more people think they’re allergic to than are actually allergic to it? O... kay... He knows what autism is, because Toriel did some research when they found out Frisk had it and shared her notes with him. What’s “quiet hands”? Frisk gets... oddly subdued when he asks, so he drops it.

Eventually, he’s sufficiently educated in all the relevant ridiculous PTA topics, and he starts paying a tiny bit of attention during meetings, just so he can have something to report home to Papyrus about, and --

Wait.

Did Linda just say... she’s against vaccines? ......Because she thinks they “cause autism”?

At first, he isn’t even mad at all; he’s just confused. He’s convinced that he’s missing something here; he must’ve missed some crucial details in his research, because Linda has proven herself to be a passive-aggressive, somewhat racist, very self-righteous person so far, but she can’t really be willing to sacrifice her children’s health and possibly lives just because she thinks they might turn out like Frisk. Frisk is a great kid. Can autism even be “caught”? He doesn’t think so, but...

Well, he dismisses those thoughts, because, as I said, he just assumes he missed something in his research, and Papyrus has no idea what he’s talking about when he recites Linda’s whole rant at home later, but he’s still satisfied.

But then. He starts to get bigger audiences for his recitations. And the other monsters hear the shit Linda’s been spewing. And they are Not Pleased.

Like, “What do you MEAN they want to separate the P.E. class by gender and species?!?!?! That’s stupid!!! I teach all the kids perfectly fine!!! And why should they have to learn different things based on whether they’re a boy or a girl, or a human or a monster?????? AND WHERE DO FRISK AND MONSTER KID GO?!?! THEY AREN’T BOYS OR GIRLS!!”

And, “W-wait, she’s... anti... vaccines? B-but they’re absolutely vital! Literally! Th-they stop fatal illnesses! Not only is she endangering her own ch-child, but she’s endangering the other children, too!”

And, “WHAT?!?!?! LUNCHES THAT DON’T ALLOW SPAGHETTI???!! WHY?!?! ... WHAT IS “GLUTEN” AND WHY ARE WE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT IT?!?!”

And, “Excuse me, she said what about the dress code? Why exactly does she want gender to be a determining factor in what clothes you can or cannot wear? Every child should be able to shine just like whatever type of star they want to! Just like they can choose to be whomever they wish on stage! ...What? ...WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WANTS TO BAN DISABLED KIDS FROM THEATER AND CHOIR -- “

And, “Hmph, if she thinks my child’s stimming is disruptive to the class, then perhaps she should keep tighter reigns on her own child, at least until he stops disrespecting me and the other staff at every possible opportunity! ...Oh, maybe that was a bit harsh...”

Except it isn’t too harsh. At all. And, as these semiweekly discussions get more and more heated, Sans starts doing more research and paying more attention and speaking up more and being a more active participant in general, and suddenly OH NO, HE CARES ABOUT THIS. HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THIS. HE FEELS SOME KIND OF very faint and vague but still present PASSION ABOUT THIS.

(That passion being the passion he has for casually tearing Linda’s arguments down in front of the whole PTA with a huge shit-eating grin on her face while the few other members who are actually on his side try and fail to stifle their laughter in the background. It’s like stand-up comedy, but twenty times better.)

So, basically, Sans is sinking deeper and deeper into the PTA rabbit hole, but he still hasn’t reached the level of really hating Linda or Helen or anyone, and he still hasn’t said a single thing that’s technically an insult. He doesn’t think they’re reprehensible people so much as he thinks they’re really, really stupid and have no idea what’s best for their kids.

And then, one day, both he and Linda get called into the (Vice?) Principal’s office, and when they walk in Frisk and Linda’s kid are both there. Frisk looks close to tears, and Linda’s kid -- we’ll call him Timmy -- doesn’t look much better.

The (Vice?) Principal (whichever one isn’t Toriel) explains that Timmy had been mercilessly bullying Frisk, and when a teacher intervened he refused to stop, so they were both sent to the office, and Sans was Frisk’s only available guardian.

Naturally, Sans is already on edge, because A) Linda is there, and as much as he doesn’t despise her yet, he’s really not up for dealing with her bullshit right now, B) why the hell did Frisk get sent to the office? For being bullied? and C) He doesn’t like it when people bully his kid. Not that he’s nearly as protective of Frisk as he is of, say, Papyrus, but he has a vested interest in their happiness, and he doesn’t take kindly to random kids bullying them to the point of tears.

But Sans keeps his cool and just slinks into the chair next to Frisk, giving them a comforting shoulder squeeze after glancing at them to make sure they didn’t mind being touched right now. Linda, on the other hand, is absolutely outraged -- not because her child was bullying another child, mind you, but because he got in trouble for it.

And Sans’ mind is just. Blown. In a very bad way. Because, okay, it’s one thing to be dumb enough to convince yourself that vaccines are bad for your kid, and it’s another thing entirely to get pissed when your kid gets in trouble for their own actions. I mean, it wasn’t like she was saying Timmy didn’t do it -- she didn’t seem surprised to hear of his bullying habits at all, as a matter of fact -- she was just saying that he shouldn’t have gotten in trouble for it.

So, naturally, Sans responds in his usual carefree, subtly scathing manner, but Linda is having none of it. She turns around and marches up to Firsk and just starts yelling -- not adressing them, but talking about them as if they weren’t in the room and saying some pretty awful things.

Sans’ anger is already starting to flare, but, before he can act on it or supress it, Frisk starts to panic and flap their hands, and Linda loudly snaps “Quiet hands!” This only upsets Frisk more, and their stimming intensifies -- they’re actually crying now, which is saying a lot, because Frisk doesn’t cry very often, and he’s seen them in some situations that definitely warranted tears --

And Linda reached out and grabs Frisk’s hands, forcibly holding them at their sides.

Now, as I said earlier, Sans isn’t as protective of Frisk as he is of Papyrus, but they’re definitely number two on his list, and Linda is very, very low on the list. And now even lower. And she is physically preventing Frisk from comforting themselves (so this is what quiet hands is), and, for the first time in years, he’s happy; his friends -- his family is happy, and he actually CARES about something again, and everything is going right for once in his goddamned life, and like HELL is he gonna let some privelaged suburban soccer mom take that away from them.

No one ever spoke again of the incident in the (Vice?) Principal’s office, but suffice it to say that Linda didn’t lay hands on Sans’ kid ever, ever again.

And that’s the story of how Sans went from not giving a shit about anything to being a PTA Legend for years to come.

[lightkrets312]

1, 3, 9, 17, and 30!

HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR AN ESSAY1 - If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?~...I dunno. If it's primarily a question of preferences, then I'd recommend the following:Books - SciFi and fantasy, adventure books. Anything from Rick Riordan, primarily the Greek, Roman, and Egyptian based ones, the Egypt Game, and Brave Story.Fanfiction - Fluff or angst with fluff. Anything with a good ending will do fine. Hold the smut, incest, and _____xReader fics please, I really don't like those.Movies - Cartoon movies (mainly Pixar, Disney, Laika, so on and so forth). For live action, very much similar to book genres. Anything involving a lot of action/explosions/fighting are generally movies I'll like. For specifics, most anything Marvel, Gods of Egypt, Tinker Bell (there's an entire series of movies on Netflix and it's always fun to just sit back and watch those), and Coraline.YouTube - Try not to laugh videos, any of Markiplier's compilation videos, Marble Race videos, and any of the lolrandumb videos from Youtube pre-2010ish era. The asdfmovies are also good.Music - Electroswing, techno, dubstep, classical. Lindsey Stirling, Parov Stelar, Daft Punk. I can give specifics if you ask.3 - List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.~List time!-If it counts, Veggietales. I grew up with it and I didn't exactly have cable as a kid. As for characters, Larry. A hundred times old school Larry I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN THAT GOOFBALL? DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT LARRY-BOY?-SRMTHFG is the next one I can think about. I saw one episode in Nebraska once LONG ago when the show aired on Jetix (it's the one where Shugazoom is overrun by wraiths?), forgot everything BUT the wraiths, found it completely by chance on the Disney website, and proceeded to watch the entire series. As for characters... Otto or Gibson. Probably Otto. What a dork!-Yugioh? Yugioh. Saw my first episode at a friend's house (Season 4, the episode where SOMEONE fucked up the duel. Good job Yami.) and then proceeded to watch the entire thing on Hulu. Like 4 times. As for characters? Joey (because I too am not a great duelist, and I've tried) or Tea (kick-ass gal in a group of nerds? kinda yea).-Portal games, a little bit. And Wheatley or the one different turret, a little bit.-Half-Life unironically? Half-Life unironically. And Gordon.-Undertale. And there's a few characters. Sans because tired dork who makes too many puns (you ESPECIALLY know, Dev), Papyrus because generally tries to see the good in everyone, and Flowey because mischievous little twit who causes general mayhem. Not always for the better.-BATIM obviously, I have an entire tag devoted to the demon! Idk about which character is most relatable. Probably Sammy, since I've plunged into the deep end on this fandom and gone nuts. And by plunged into the deep end, I mean like.... watching 18 BATIM-AU/ask blogs. Probably not as extreme as some, but I routinely keep tabs on 'em, so...-This ain't even counting YouTubers or any of that. Or some other shows like Doctor Who.9 - Are you an artist?.....https://youtu.be/fvUgXsHsaBEhttps://youtu.be/P25YgRoNjTAhttps://youtu.be/pJmhe--1zvgIdk what I am, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm hilarious.(also guess which one isn't related to the PTA)17 - Not quite as much as I wish actually. I'm a bit more reserved IRL. ...maybe with friends this is yes?30 - Pick one of your favorite quotes.~Only one? Nah fam. Three."I think that the BBC's attitude toward the show while it was in production was very similar to that which Macbeth had toward murdering people - initial doubts, followed by cautious enthusiasm and then greater and greater alarm at the sheer scale of the undertaking and still no end in sight." -Douglas Adams, Foreword in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"Fuck you, scattershots are delicious."-LG312 on the topic of a gun that shoots mashed potatoes."IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL"-dril, I think. Y'all probs know the post.

[antarestyl]

Fic rec meme

I was tagged by this so I’ll gonna do it! :D

5 self recs meme. When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

I think everybody I know who is writing is already tagged soooo... FREE FOR ALL ALL OF YOU ARE TAGGED :D

Triumph (AO3 link) - Monkey Island

An alternative ending for Monkey Island V where Guybrush was abducted by LeChuck who seeks revenge and tries very hard to break the Mighty Pirate. The fic deals as well as with the trauma as with the healing of Guybrush and the unique relationship between Elaine, LeChuck and Guybrush himself.

One of the first pieces I wrote since forever back in 2014. It’s in german thou and there is a lot of gore and torture going on soooo not for everybody. I wrote this when I was neck-deep in studying. And, well, I studied medicine so it was kinda a catalyst for me. It’s not perfect but I am pretty proud of me for this one because it renewed my love for writing.

The game of our Lives (AO3 link) - Super Mario Bros. / Homestuck Crossover

A series of fics with the idea of Mario, Luigi, Daisy and Peach being Players of the Homestuck game. It tries to explain the very lose and barely connected canon of the many different Mario games with Homestuck mechanics. It also is a tale of friendship, brotherhood, friendship between woman, self-discovery, courage and acceptance.

I am also cheating with this one because it’s a series and not a single fic. But it’s one that got me to write and publish not only in English but also to write more than single oneshorts. I am pretty proud of it, even if it got some problems too. Besides, there are precious little Mario Fanfics out there, there should always be more.

PTA Sans and other glorious things (AO3 link) - Undertale

I discovered the PTA Sans AU on Tumblr and now it won't let me go. So here you have it: Little shorts placed in the AU where Sans adopted Frisk together with Toriel, Toriel is running the local school and Sans was roped into going to the PTA meetings. Let's just say that he gains a lot of motivation during those. Also: A secret project between two nerds, an ongoing inspection and the insanity that comes with monsters living together with humans.

This fic is today the one I am best known for, I think. Undertale resonated a lot with me and I kinda fell in love with the carefree AU of the PTA Sans universe. At first it was more of a joke, later it became a bit of a deconstruction of some PTA tropes and THEN it kinda developed into it’s own thing. It’s a happy AU and it makes me happy to write it. Unfortunately I lost some notes for it and I don’t have much time for it anymore... but I am still working on it whenever I can.

Eyes on me (AO3 link) - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Kaiba doesn't really know what he wants and he has no clue how to get it. He would be horrified if somebody would have told him that he was jealous of the bond the Other Yugi got with any other person beside him. After all, the only one worth to be looked at is he himself... right?

 This was a fun little fic I wrote pretty recently and is part of a series too. I kinda love writing Kaiba as this really ridiculous but also scary boy who tries to be mature but fails to deal with the smallest of emotions. It’s pretty much gen with a hint of Yugi/Jounouchi in it as well as some sort of undefined Yami/Kaiba.

TrioBlasterSets AU - Six puppys and 3 flames (AO3 link) - Undertale

So, Gaster made himself some Blaster puppies to experiment. Why should he stop with one pair? AU where Underfell Sans and Papyrus and Underswap Sans and Papyrus are clones of the original Sans and Papyrus, trapped like them in the lab. They got out, they got to Snowdin and they got adopted by Grillby and his two Cousins, Fellby and Swabby. This are the adventures, ups and downs of the 6 skele-puppies and 3 flamemonsters.

A fanfic I am still in the process of writing together with @namekian-maoh. This fic brings me so much joy writing, not only because of the content, but also I am doing it together with somebody who became a good friend over this. The only problem we have is that Fellby is stealing all the spotlight usually. XD But this fic is very important to me and we even got a lot of fanart for it (I still tear up sometimes when I go through my files and see all this amazing art some people made for us. Like... they took time off their day to make this and it’s amazing! all links to the fanart are included in the fic btw)

Also, there is still so much we want to do with this AU soooooo it will be probably be around for a LONG time... and that makes me happy and proud too. ^^

[overratedjoe-blog]

Trivia time! (about the Sometimes' series!)

With the ending of the Sometimes' main trilogy, I figured it would be nice to share some stuff about the development of the series – what changed, what has stayed the same, scrapped concepts, etc etc. I think it's cool to do this because when you write something you go through a lot of things that don't exactly show into the final product, and your audience often won't know about it if you don't tell. 

It's also nice because it shows not everything goes as you initially planned – and that's alright!

Notice there are spoilers here, including for Undying Wish – Act II, so consider this before continuing to read. So, without further ado, let's begin:

Falling Apart was originally going to be called "Overture". I changed it during the process of writing that fic because "Overture" was way too generic and didn't really say anything about the story. 

Magda's first name was Linda. I actually wrote the entirety of Falling Apart calling her Linda, until I discovered there was also a character named Linda in an Undertale PTA AU – she's like this rude, racist, obnoxious mother who nobody likes (which was funny since Frisk in my series doesn't like Magda either). I thought people could confuse things and decided to ultimately change her name to "Magda". Her final name, by the way, is just a short from "Magdaline".

Still about "Linda": this is really embarrassing, but as I needed to change her name to "Magda" in every instance she was mentioned in the revision, I actually missed one right in Chapter 1. Yes, there was a "Linda" lost in the middle of the fic, and I only noticed that three months after I had published the story. So, if you read Falling Apart just as it was published, my apologies for that. :(

I always knew I had to kill someone from the main cast. Keeping everyone alive was not an option. Yes – I am that evil.

I considered killing Papyrus and MK first though – because I was really reluctant in killing Sans, since he's my favorite character and all. Decided to do it anyway because it made more sense plot-wise than to kill Papyrus, and I figured it would make way more of an impact on the audience than if I killed MK.

A long, long time ago, when the series was just an idea in my head, I wanted to leave the reset plot device out of it. Well, we all know where that got me.

Sometime when I was writing Undying Wish, I considered killing Frisk in the end, too. I'm such a lovely person, right?

Phantom Memories had an entirely different concept. Before it became what it is today, the plot from that part revolved around the Gaster's followers – you know, those gray little dudes who you can only see in Undertale if your FUN value is at specific points. The basic idea was that Frisk and crew would encounter each one of them, and each one of them would die a bizarre death – but not before giving a little clue to help Frisk remember his involvement with the resets and the timelines. I changed my mind before I even wrote that, however, because I felt that 1) it didn't focus enough on the war and the survival aspect I wanted to convey on that part, 2) it felt way too horror-themed for the series, 3) it would leave little to no room for the characters to develop in the way I wanted them to develop.

I also wanted to include Mettaton in the story – my plan was to make him part of Bonnie's, Berna's and Boone's group, but I ended up scrapping that because I couldn't think of a way to introduce our sexy robot in the plot convincingly. 

What happened to Mettaton in the Sometimes' universe, you ask? That story is for another time...

Ever wondered where I took the generic names from Eileen's and Leonard's group members? Look no further – they are just character names from the Resident Evil and Silent Hill series. 

In Undying Wish, the chapters "Polaroids and Keys" and "Silent Promise" were originally a single chapter. The same goes for "Still You" and "Futures" in the end. I split them solely for the sake of not making the chapters too long. 

Frisk's and Undyne's fight in Undying Wish was going to be way more violent – moreover, Undyne was going to be the one to stab Frisk in the back, and not one of the guard dogs. Ended up changing that because it felt out of character to Undyne to stab someone in the back – even in her Empress form.

I actually began writing a scene between when Frisk passes out in Chapter 7 and the Mt. Ebott scene in the beginning of Chapter 8. It's hard to describe, but it was like Frisk going on a spiritual, metaphorical journey to reach the reset button. It also had some meta elements, as a nod to Undertale itself. Discontinued it because it felt too pretentious and didn't add anything on the bigger picture of the series, despite being "cool".

I had planned a scene for the epilogue in which Papyrus would visit Undyne in prison. Scrapped that because the idea felt too ridiculous, considering the state of things by the end of the series.

And I think that's pretty much it. Thinking back about it, it's actually really cool to see how things evolved – and I like the way the series turned out!

Thank you for reading!

[ask-serious-sans]

PTA Reader (Platonic!Reader and PTA Sans) Part 8

Summary: In which it's time for the Science Fair, as expected the cafeteria is way too small for this, and those sirens cannot be a good sign.

Your sibling was very excited the morning of the Science Fair. You'd seen them working on their project since it had been announced, and in your opinion it had turned out quite well. While you were also excited, you still had a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that something was going to go wrong. Nevertheless, you didn't want to ruin your sibling's day, so you acted like you weren't worried at all. A few hours before the Science Fair was scheduled to start, you arrived at the school, and headed to the cafeteria to help set up as you'd agreed to do. As soon as you walked inside, you saw it was chaos. It seemed like all the kids were in there at once, trying to set up their displays, but since it was so crowded they just ended up running into other students over and over. Fortunately, it didn't seem like anyone had gotten hurt, but you weren't sure how much longer that would last if no one spoke up and set up some kind of order. Linda, Helen, and Betty, as well as a few other parents from the PTA, were there as well, but they were all helping their own children set up their projects, and didn't seem to notice all the chaos going on around them. They were on the other side of the cafeteria as well, and you doubted you would be able to reach them without running into anyone. Sighing, you tried to think of a way to get all the kids to stop, though you had no idea how to even get their attention. "What's going on here?" a familiar voice asked, and you glanced to the side to see Sans had just arrived. Frisk stood beside him, looking at the chaotic room nervously. "Everyone's trying to set up their stuff at the same time," you replied, wondering why the students hadn't been divided into classes or at least grades so there wouldn't be so many people in here at once. "Good thing Papyrus decided to come," Sans muttered, before turning and calling outside, "Hey bro, can you help us out?" "Of course!" a taller skeleton rushed inside, "The Great Papyrus is always happy to help! Nyeh heh heh!" "Hi," you said, waving at Papyrus. "Oh! Hello!" Papyrus greeted. "How can I be of assistance?" "Can you get the kids' attention?" you asked. "Certainly!" Papyrus agreed, before clearing his throat. "Attention, children!" he announced loudly, and to your amazement nearly every child in the room froze in the middle of whatever they were doing and turned to face him. "Thanks," you said, impressed. "No problem! Nyeh heh heh!" "Alright, everyone, we're going to take turns. Please head outside and separate into groups based on what grade you're in. Groups will enter the cafeteria one at a time, set up their displays, and then head back outside to make room for the next group." you spoke, sounding a lot more confident than you felt, but to your amazement, the students actually seemed to listen, filing out of the cafeteria with little to no conflict. Linda, Helen, and Betty were not as impressed with you. "What do you think you're doing, taking charge here?" Linda demanded. "It was chaos in here, and I didn't see anyone else trying to take charge." you explained. "Well, we're the adults here, so we'll be in charge of set up." Helen replied. "Go ahead," you replied with a shrug. It wasn't like you'd wanted to be in charge of everything in the first place; you'd just wanted to step in and make sure no one got hurt. "Don't get sassy with us," Betty scowled. "I wasn't-" you began, only to sigh and shake your head. It wasn't worth arguing over this. "Now, go help the students set up their projects and don't interfere with anything." Linda said. You just nodded and headed back into the cafeteria, where the first group of students was already preparing their projects. You helped out any students who needed it, along with Sans and the other parents who were there. Once that group finished, the next one entered, and the cycle repeated. Eventually, all the students had had a chance to finish setting up the projects, and it hadn't even taken as long as you'd worried it would, based on how chaotic things had been when you'd first arrived. Which was good, because the Science Fair itself was scheduled to start in fifteen minutes, and there was still more to prepare. Parents were starting to arrive, so Linda, Helen, and Betty were explaining to everyone how the Science Fair was going to work while you and the other volunteers scrambled to set up the snack table. Not a moment too soon, everything was ready, and you headed into the crowd of students and parents to find your sibling. Fortunately, it wasn't too long of a wait before the group including you and your sibling were able to take your turn to walk through the cafeteria and look at all the projects. Sans, Papyrus, and Frisk were also in the group, and the five of you walked together. Frisk and your sibling both eagerly explained their projects when they reached them. Seeing them so excited brought a smile to your face, and Papyrus gave a loud round of applause for each project. When it was time for the next group to have their turn, you headed back out of the cafeteria with the others, and found a spot to stand until the winners were announced. There were still a lot of students and their families waiting for their turn to walk through the cafeteria, and you figured it would be at least two more hours before everyone had had a turn. At least you had good company to wait with. For awhile, Frisk and your sibling talked about the science projects, both their own and others that had interested them, with Sans occasionally speaking up to explain how something scientific worked. Papyrus went to get snacks for everyone, and returned balancing a surprising and impressive amount of cookies and lemonade. At some point, Linda announced that the groups would be slightly larger, in order to decrease the amount of time it would take for everyone to have a turn. You didn't think too much of it at first, because when the group you'd been in had taken a turn, it hadn't been too crowded. While you figured things would be a bit more crowded for the remaining groups, you didn't think it would be uncomfortably so. About thirty minutes later, you heard sirens. You were worried, wondering what had happened, but you weren't expecting the ambulance to pull up to the school. So when it did, you were quite confused. So was almost everyone else, apparently, since most of the people waiting at the doors to the cafeteria for their turn to enter just watched in confusion as paramedics rushed out of the ambulance and towards them, only moving out of the way when they had almost reached the crowd. By now you were extremely worried. What was going on in there? Some of the parents were starting to panic, and their children followed suit. Linda and Helen were trying to calm everyone down, but it didn't seem to be working, especially when the paramedics rushed back out with a student who seemed to have passed out. A police car arrived at about the same time, further increasing everyone's panic. The police officers headed inside the cafeteria, and about ten seconds later, everyone else who had been inside filed out. The group of people who walked out was a lot larger than you'd expected, and you looked at Linda, Helen, and Betty in confusion. The trio seemed to be just as confused about what had happened. "What is going on here?" one of the police officers asked. "We're having a Science Fair," Linda explained. "Alright, but why were so many people inside the cafeteria?" the other police officer asked. "Well, it was taking too long for everyone to have a turn with smaller groups so we increased the size of the groups a bit." Linda replied. "There was at least 240 people in the cafeteria." commented the first police officer. "I told you no more than 200!" Linda hissed at Betty. "I thought you said 250!" Betty replied. "The maximum occupancy is 160." the second police officer spoke up. "...Ooops." both said simultaneously. "Also, might I suggest picking a larger room to hold events like this in?" the second police officer continued. "Maybe a gymnasium?" suggested the first police officer. "Those are usually a lot larger." "Oh, yes, that's an excellent idea! We'll keep that in mind!" Linda said. You internally facepalmed, knowing she could recall you making that exact suggestion back when the Science Fair was first being discussed. "Alright... Well, we'll be staying for the remainder of the event to ensure that all safety regulations are followed." the first police officer stated. Linda looked like she wanted to argue, but she just nodded. "Of course." The rest of the event went smoothly, if a bit slowly, and it was another hour and a half before everyone had finally finished looking at all the projects. Finally, Linda announced that the winners of the science fair were about to be revealed. There was one winner from each grade level, she said, and the winners had been chosen by an impartial judge- you couldn't recall seeing anyone judging the projects, but you figured that it had been rather crowded so perhaps you'd just missed it. Though based on the fact that Linda, Helen, and Betty's children all won for their grade levels, you figured the trio had something to do with it.