#I was originally gonna make something else first but the idea possessed me in the middle of the night

[gojostan-doodles]

🎵: Black Tea by Ruffin

Teehee!! :3c

*passes out*

[joelsdagger]

let it flow || one shot

masterlist | ao3

pairing: sub!frankie x f!reader rating: 18+ minors dniword count: 4.4k (i think something possessed me bc this was originally 1k lmao) summary: you start a new form of birth control which has many side effects but frankie takes advantage of one side effect in particular. warnings: canon divergent, established relationship (reader and frankie are married), sub!frankie, soft dom!reader, body worship, pet names, nipple play, mommy kink, lactation kink, mutual masturbation , praise kink, pre-ejaculation, overstimulation, cumplay, cum eating, fluff.  No use of Y/N. No physical descriptions of reader. um i think that’s it? *scratches neck* disclaimer: this is literally for shits and giggles bc a friend and i were talking about sub!frankie having a lactation kink, but we weren’t feeling the whole pregnancy trope so i found a loophole hehe. after extensive research, i found that certain types of birth control that include progestin *can* increase lactation as well as breast enlargement and tenderness, so i tweaked this specifically for the purpose of this fic. i don’t study medicine so some of this isn’t 100% accurate so if anything is wrong just remember this is just for horny fun and i changed some things to fit what i was going for. if this piece is not for you, that’s cool, obviously not everyone is gonna be into the same stuff but please just move along and let everyone else enjoy the fun.

a/n: thank you for all the love on my first fic i was so incredibly nervous about it but yall have been so so kind. this one is for kat and lyss who gave me this idea and then we screamed about it til 1am. shout out to @skrunkly-scrimblo and @papurgaatika for beta’ing. thanks for reading i hope you like it <3

super cute divider by @saradika

You’re staring back at yourself in the foggy mirror of your bathroom, assessing your breasts, they’re full, heavy and they ache. This is the fourth day in a row of feeling the consequences of your new birth control and the pain has only gotten worse. “The shit we do….fuckin’ birth control,” you mumble under your breath. 

You had switched to a different form of birth control earlier in the week, the IUD route wasn’t working out so well for you. For starters, the pain of getting the IUD implanted was unbelievably excruciating and on top of that, you had ParaGard (the copper IUD) implanted which didn’t have hormones so you were still getting your period. Your periods were heavy and painful and you have been seeking an alternative solution to stop them completely. At your last visit with your gynecologist, you both agreed to switch you over to taking birth control pills. 

Your physician had informed you that the pill form was a progestin-only contraceptive that would decrease the bleeding during your menstrual cycle or possibly get rid of it completely if you skipped the placebo pills on the last week of your pack. There was one not-so-tiny problem, you were not told that being on the pill would make your tits swell and you sure as hell didn’t know the damn pill would make you lactate. 

Earlier today you practically sobbed to your doctor on the phone. 

“Doc, sorry to be blunt but my tits fucking hurt,” you cry, tears welling up in your eyes. At this point, the pain had become unbearable.

“That’s pretty normal hun, it’s a common side effect for some women. As I told you on Monday, the use of a hormonal birth control that contains progestin can increase the likelihood of producing breast milk even if you aren’t pregnant. It’s your hormones adjusting to the pill and it’s going to take your body three to four months to adjust,” your doctor explained.

‘Wait three to four months,” you shout, "Doc, you didn’t mention anything about that. What the hell am I supposed to do?” you ask rashly.

Your doctor hesitates, “Well, we could go back to the copper IUD but then-”

“Then, I’d get my period yeah absolutely not,” you frantically cut her off.

“We could book you to come back in and try another route but I’m booked until the end of the month,” she suggests. 

“Of course you are, you’re like the only nice physician in the office, everyone wants to see you,” you laugh bitterly.

“There is something else that may help until we can see you in the office...many women have said that it helps,” she says.

You cross an arm around your chest, wincing slightly as your arm presses tightly against your chest, before dropping your arm back down at your side, “Okay…what is it?”

“You could massage them or have your husband stimulate your nipples,” she says nonchalantly. 

“Stimulate my nipples?” you hesitate, your eyes widening at her suggestion. 

“Yes, have him use his fingers or-”

“You’re not serious?”

Your doctor chuckles at your curiosity, “Yes, nipple stimulation and other sensual activities, can trigger and release the hormone, oxytocin, commonly referred to as the love hormone. Once oxytocin is triggered, your hormone levels are boosted and then it increases arousal and stress relief. Once it's released into the bloodstream, it helps alleviate breast tenderness and breast pain as well assisting with the flow of breast milk so yes, it’ll help.” she says pointedly.

You stare ahead, wide eyed and mouth agape. What the hell are you supposed to say to that?

“Look honey, many women have come in and told me directly that it helps, believe it or not, it even helps induce labor, but that’s beside the point, many women have been in your position and they have reported that it works. So at least try this out, and see how it makes you feel, just until we can get you an appointment and have you come in and then we can try something else. Alright?” she asks. 

“Yeah alright, thanks again Doc,” you huff, your hand rubs at your temple before dragging it down your face. 

“No problem hun, keep me updated through the portal,” she says. 

“Will do,” you hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch. 

That was six hours ago and now you’re standing in your bathroom as you wait for the bathtub to fill up. You read online that heat therapy could reduce some of the pain. While your husband was at work, you sprawled yourself out across the couch with a heating pad on your chest. It managed to ease the pain for a bit until the set timer turned the heating pad off and the second you stood up, the pain worsened again. 

To be honest, you’re a little embarrassed to bring it up to Frankie. It's not like Frankie won’t want to do it, he’d be very interested but what the hell are you supposed to say to him. Hey honey, my tits hurt and they’re leaking breast milk. Can you play with them a little so they feel better? He loves to engage in a little titty appreciation but this is a whole different ball game. You really aren’t in the mood to have this conversation with Frankie tonight, unsure of how he would react and possibly causing a bigger issue. 

You can hear the TV through the bathroom door, Frankie is watching some game. But when he hears you croak out in pain when you remove your bra, hands clutching at your swollen breasts, he moves lightning fast towards the bathroom door. 

“Querida, are you alright in there?” he asks through the door, his hand wrapped around the door handle.

You bite down on your lip, sighing before you finally bite the bullet and admit what’s going on. You crack open the door just enough so he can hear you better. 

“It’s-,” You let out another exhausted sigh as you rub your temple, feeling your cheeks warm.

“Remember, a few days ago, I went to my gynecologist and we decided to switch birth control methods?” He nods, eyes full of concern. 

“The pills are making my hormones go crazy and they’re making my tits swell and well…” you pull the door open to gesture towards your breasts. “I’m like a fucking pregnant woman but without the damn pregnancy,” you grumble. 

You immediately clock the worry on his face but Frankie can’t help the fact that he is practically salivating when he looks down at your tits. You notice his jaw slacken, his lips part as he takes in the curve of your breasts, they have grown a noticeable difference in size. You hear him inhale sharply when his stare drops to your nipples, dark and swollen. 

Suddenly feeling a little shy under the intensity of his gaze, you bring a hand up to cover your breasts, he inhales once again before speaking, yet you speak before he does, “It’s fine, apparently a bath will help, and I’ve got the water running. I’ll be out in a few minutes babe,” you press, a tight smile on your face. 

You see it all over his face, he wants to help but he doesn’t know how. His big, deep brown eyes filled with worry. “Okay baby, I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be in the bedroom if you need anything,” he says quietly, eyebrows still raised. You can sense the uneasiness in his body language but he doesn’t press the subject. 

You thank him and shut the door, hearing him step back towards the bed. You slip off your panties and toss them into the hamper, then step into the hot water, sighing as you dip beneath the water.

After a few short minutes, you slowly bring your hands up to cup your breasts, experimentally kneading them. You press your hands more firmly and you bite down on your lip as you try to muffle a quiet moan. Huh. It does help. You continue toying with them until the water is no longer warm and your fingers become pruny. 

Dragging yourself out of the water and stepping out of the tub, you pull the plug out, the water spinning through the drain. Leisurely, you dry yourself off, pull a thin white tank top over your head, and drag a clean pair of blue lace panties over your legs. 

As you open the door to let the steam out of the bathroom, you grab your fuzzy robe from the hook behind the door, wrap it around your damp body, and head into the bedroom to catch the rest of the game with your husband. 

Yet, to your surprise, you find the TV off and instead see Frankie sitting up in bed, one hand tucked behind his head and the other holding his phone as he squints at the screen. 

You chuckle as you walk over to your nightstand. “Thought you were supposed to be wearing your glasses?” You tease, your lips forming into a smile.  

“I look dorky with ‘em, ‘sides I don’t need them right now,” he mimics your tone and turns his head to watch as you pump some of your cocoa butter body lotion into your hand and work it into your skin.  

“So, I did some googling,” he starts, a sly smirk creeping up onto his face as he continues, “It said…messaging them and sucking on them would help.” His eyes are still on the bare parts of your damp skin, completely enamored by how your skin looks in the dim light of your bedroom. 

You tense, hands freezing, streaks of lotion yet to be fully rubbed into your skin, “Baby, that’s ridiculous,” you laugh him off. 

“No, I’m serious look,” Frankie sits up and moves across the bed, holding out his phone for you to read the article he was studying beforehand.

“I don’t know about this Frankie,” you shake your head, frowning while you avert your eyes from his. 

“Come here,” smirking devilishly as he brings his hands up to your arms, pulling you towards the bed. 

“Frankie–” you scoff, playfully rolling your eyes at him. 

He tilts his head up to look up at you with those big brown eyes that you often find difficult turning down. “Trust me,” his hands rubbing up and down your arms soothingly.  

“You know I do, Frankie, the hell did I marry you for,” you tease, you sneak your hands behind his neck and interlock your fingers as you lean down and press a soft kiss to his head.   

“Then c’mere, let me help,” he whispers and it sounds more like a plea. He’s pulling you down onto the bed, guiding you to sit up against the pillows. His hands find your robe, untying the knot in the soft belt across your waist. You lean forward slightly while he pulls your robe off slowly,  his eyes watching your face, searching for any indication to stop but he doesn’t find any. 

He tosses the robe behind him on the bed as he leans down over you, nudging your legs open as he settles himself between your legs. He brings his hands back up to the thin material of your tank top, cupping your tender breasts in his large hands. 

“You’re so beautiful, so perfect, fuck–, so pretty baby,” he babbles lowly, goosebumps erupt on your skin, even after years of being married to him he still knows exactly what to say to make you feel so desirable. 

He gently squeezes your breasts, his thumb sweeps over your nipple back and forth, you whine softly as your hands find his hair, burying your fingers in his curls. It hurts but it’s pleasurable, the pressure he’s using feels better than what you were doing earlier in the bath. 

Frankie pinches your covered nipples between his rough fingers, hardening under his touch, you hiss when he tweaks them tightly, Frankie pauses, his eyes meet yours for a moment, “it’s okay–feels good, keep going,” you whisper to him. 

He brings his mouth down to one of your nipples and sucks it through the material with his other hand still fondling your other nipple. “Fuck– that feels good Frankie,” you moan, he whimpers lowly and feels his cock twitch in his boxers. Your eyes roll back in your head, your mouth falls open and he hollows his cheeks, sucking harder around your nipple. 

His mouth lets go of your breast, you look down to see the wet patch that formed over your peaked-covered nipple before he hastily pulls the tank top over your head, tossing it onto the floor, Frankie lets out a shameless groan when his eyes hungrily lock on your bare chest like a missile to a target. 

He leans in closer, his mouth hovering over your breast. You feel the warmth of his breath over your breast, a tingling sensation sneaks down your body. His hot mouth closes around your pebbled nipple. 

“Shit, Frankie,” you arch further into his mouth, and he moans and his tongue flicks up against your peaked nipple, and then he bites down softly, his eyes open, looking up at you from under his eyelashes. Frankie feels a slight warm gush fill his mouth, his eyes slip closed, whimpering around the bud. 

You tug on Frankie’s hair, pulling his mouth away from you, your stomach twisting at his reaction when he feels the gush of liquid filling his mouth. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that would happen-”

“Baby, hey, it’s okay. I was just surprised-” 

“No I know, it’s just gross,” you frown, feeling the pang of embarrassment in your belly.

“It’s not–it’s not gross. I–I liked it,” Frankie says sheepishly. 

“Really?” you ask softly. 

He laughs lightly and leans forward to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth then another just below your jaw. His beard scraping along your skin as he places wet open-mouthed kisses down your neck, all the way down past your collarbones until he reaches the valley of your breasts once again.

“Relax baby, I got ya,” he whispers against your skin.

Your eyes squeeze shut, your head falls back against the headboard, and your hand comes up to the nape of his neck, petting at his long brown curls. He ducks down to bring his mouth to your nipple, he parts his lips around the bud, his tongue circling around the bud a few times, licking at your nipple, he closes his lips and sucks softly before tugging it between his teeth, he hums around it, making you grasp at the sheets beneath you, a low ache building in the pit of your stomach.

“That’s it baby boy,” you say softly, petting his hair. You open your eyes when you feel him press his cock against your leg, his cock stirring in his boxers at your praise. 

He’s loving this, loves the taste of you and loves how good he’s making you feel. 

His hand palms your other breast, squeezing and kneading the meat of your tit, beads of milk collecting at the peak. He takes your nipple in between his calloused fingers and pinches it harder between his index and middle finger, the milk pours out from the bud down his hand and onto his forearm. 

Frankie feels the warm liquid on his arm, his mouth letting go of your breast, his pupils full of lust never leaving your face as he lifts his left hand up and licks a long slow, thick stripe from his forearm up his hand. Your mouth falls open and your chest heaves at the sight. 

“You taste so fucking sweet, baby,” he groans, his eyes closing at the taste of you. His cock twitches against your leg, now painfully hard in his boxers. 

He dips his head back down and licks up the milk leaking down your torso up to your nipple. He moans once his hot mouth latches around the stiff peak and his tongue swirls around it. He laps up the warm white liquid he’s sucking out of your breast. “There you go baby, just like that,” you sigh, closing your eyes and your head falls back against the headboard. 

One of his knees perches onto your leg, he grinds his cock against the meat of your thigh, he moans deeply, his fingers digging into the flesh of your breasts. “So, needy for me huh, baby boy,” you tut, gripping firmly onto his soft curls. 

He whines quietly, and unbeknownst to Frankie, he starts rutting his hard length against your leg in slow, shallow thrusts, you feel a rumble of a moan in his throat around your nipple. At the sudden movement, your head snaps up to see your husband getting himself off against your body, his teeth sinking into your breast. 

You’ve never seen him like this before, he’s insatiable and relentless and it makes your pussy pulse and clench around nothing. 

“Ohhh that’s it– good boy Frankie,” you moan breathlessly, feeling him suck harder on your breast with a deep groan.

You grab at Frankie’s hair again, your hand combs his hair back while tugging at his hair, gently pulling his head back and he whines loudly when you pull his mouth away from your breast. You catch a glistening sheen on his lips when you direct his head to your other breast. 

Your eyes meet his dark, blown out pupils as your thumb rubs his cheek down to the corner of his mouth. You thumb the bottom of his plump, soft lip, wiping the milk off of his mouth. Your thumb slips between his lips and you whisper, “Who’s my good boy?” 

He shivers beneath your touch, “I am,” he murmurs softly, his head resting down on your chest once again. Your hand cradles his head and you move your hand down along his head to cup his face.

You watch your husband’s eyes shut as he closes his mouth around your nipple and continues suckling from your breast, “Fuck– Frankie, keep going,” you pant into his hair, your hands still toying with his curls, eliciting another whine from him. 

He shifts and begins fucking himself into the mattress once again, seeking any type of friction possible. 

Watching your husband getting himself off to your body sends a sharp, hot spark of arousal down your spine straight to your core, your pussy throbbing and your panties now wet and sticky with your slick. 

You smirk and bring your lips down to his ear, whispering the word that you know lights a fire within him.  “You’re making mommy feel so good baby,” and Frankie whimpers, his mouth swallowing your breast whole, his hips grinding down faster into the mattress. 

“That’s it, baby, atta boy, such a good boy for mommy,” you coo into his ear. Frankie lets out a high-pitched whine, his hips stuttering and groaning when he feels himself spilling out all over the inside of his boxers. Your mouth falls open, your eyes wide as you stare at him, realizing he just came simply from putting his mouth on you. 

His hips shudder, occasionally jerking erratically, his legs shaking uncontrollably as he hisses from overstimulation, you continue whispering praises into his ears. 

While his mouth works on relieving your breast you take matters into your own hands, bringing your fingers down to your neglected cunt. You press your fingers into your covered slit, feeling the wetness of your pussy through the material before pushing your panties to the side. You move your fingers to your throbbing clit, circling eagerly while his tongue swirls over your nipple. 

He bites down on the bud a little more harshly, feeling another gush of warm liquid in his mouth, “tastes so good mi corozòn,” he whimpers against your breast, closing his eyes while his teeth nip at the wet bud. 

Feeling a cooling wetness from his eyes seeping onto your breast, you briefly look down to find tears stinging his eyes from the pleasure, the teeth marks on your nipples, your skin all wet and red from his mouth. 

He continues sucking at your breast, licking up the sweet taste of you into his mouth and moaning around your nipple, savoring the taste. 

You slip your fingers into your wet heat with a moan. “So good, Frankie, ohhh– you’re doing so well for mommy,” you gasp out while grinding your hips up into your own hand.  He whimpers, his cock twitches, throbbing lightly against the mattress, he’s getting hard just from hearing that word once again. 

Your other hand roughly tugs on Frankie’s soft locks, pushing his head further into you, swallowing more of your breast into his mouth. 

Frankie was too far gone to notice, but you realize he’s grinding himself into the bed once again, still moaning and whimpering into your tender flesh. You thrust your fingers into your pussy, timing them to Frankie’s thrusts into the bed, the wet squelch from your fingers thrusting in and out obscenely echoes in your bedroom. 

“That’s perfect, Frankie— don– don’t stop…shit. I’m so close–” You curl your fingers inside yourself, petting at the spongy spot deep inside while his teeth nip and lick and suck at your tit. 

You shout Frankie’s name as your back arches off the bed, legs shaking around Frankie’s body when your orgasm finally sweeps over you. 

He pulls off your nipple with a wet pop, moving fast to sit up and back on his knees, his hands making quick work of pulling off his underwear. His cock bobs up against the soft swell of his stomach. He hisses when he wraps a large hand around the girth and he thumbs the wide blunt of his tip smearing the beads of pearly white dribbling out from the slit. 

Your tongue pokes out, licking your bottom lip before biting down on the flesh. Your hands massage your breasts, your fingers pinching your erect, sensitive nipples under Frankie’s fucked out gaze. 

Desperately, he fists his cock over your figure. “Come, baby. Be a good boy and come for mommy,” you order him while staring into his eyes, dark and dilated, his mouth hanging open as he strokes his cock. 

Your low voice and your words are all he needs to bring him over the edge. The thrusting of his hips gets more erratic as he jacks his cock tighter in his hand and increases the pace, the wet, lewd slap from his strokes gets louder, his whimpers and pants filling the otherwise quiet room. 

“There you go, atta boy, give it to me Frankie, let it out," you encourage him softly. 

Your eyes watch the muscles in his soft belly tighten and his thighs tensing up, his moans growing louder and louder and louder, his eyes roll back into his head, “Fuck– mami,” a long drawn out, agonizing groan slipping past his lips, you watch as his cock twitches in his hand, his hips stammer as long, thick, warm ropes of cum paint your stomach. 

“That’s it baby, just like that, you did so good. So good Frankie,” you murmur. He opens his eyes and looks back down at you, still catching his breath while he watches the last of his cum spill onto your swollen breasts, he groans seeing the marks he’s left on your skin. Your tits are covered in splotches of red and teeth marks from his mouth, his come and the milk from your breasts leaking down your chest and onto your stomach. 

His hair is a mess, his pupils are blown out, he looks completely in a haze, utterly fucked out. You smirk up at him and click your tongue, “You made such a mess on mommy, Frankie.” 

His cheeks warm, the redness creeping down his neck and chest, he’s embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” he mumbles, his hand scratching the back of his neck.  

You move your fingers down your stomach, gathering his cum onto your fingers, “Don’t get shy on me now, come here my love,” your other hand reaches for him.

He crawls up towards your side, you slip a coated finger into your mouth and you close your eyes and hum. Frankie curses quietly to himself, seeing your pearly-covered finger slipping into your mouth and back out devoid of sheen. 

You bring a finger up to his mouth, your fingertip pressing against his lips, “open,” you order. You take advantage of his jaw slackening, sticking your glossy finger into his mouth and his lips close around your digit. You feel his tongue flatten underneath your finger then swirls it around your finger as he sucks it clean, he closes his eyes, his brows furrow, and he moans at the salty taste. 

“See, I keep telling you, you taste good, sweetheart,” you smile down at him, tucking a single brown lock behind his ear. 

“You did so good for me baby, made me feel so good,” you tell him while holding his patchy-bearded face. He chuckles timidly before pressing his lips to yours, licking behind your teeth, tasting himself in your mouth and mumbles a faint I love you against your lips.  

Frankie pecks your lips again before sitting up and walking over to the bathroom. You hear him flick the light on and the tap turning on and off while your eyes drift shut. You feel the warm wet rag dragging across your tummy and your tits, and then down between your folds as he cleans you up with tenderness. 

You open your eyes again when you hear him pad off towards the bathroom once more, watching him toss the washcloth back in the bathroom before he tucks himself into your side and nuzzles his face into the valley of your breasts, the coarse hairs of his beard tickling your skin.  

Frankie’s low voice breaks the comfortable silence, “Next time it hurts, you tell me cariño, ‘m more than happy to do that again,” he says shyly, feeling the smile on his face against your chest.

You fail to suppress your giggle, “Yeah, you enjoyed yourself didn’t you, sweet boy?” Your fingers run through his long soft brown curls, your fingertips grazing down his neck, a hint of sweat at the end of his hair along the back of his neck. 

“Mhm,” he hums, and you grin into his hair, pressing your lips to his messy curls, your eyelids heavy with sleep. He feels your fingers still, Frankie tilts his head to look up at you, “Don’t fall asleep yet, we’re not done mi vida, I still need to make you come again.”

[alice-after-dark]

A Twist on the Standard RadioStatic

Not gonna call this a headcanon just yet, but it's a concept that has been swimming around in my brain.

Standard RadioStatic tends to go something like this: Alastor and Vox were friends, Vox caught feelings and confessed to Alastor, Alastor rejected him and fucked off for 7 years, Vox is now bitter and obsessed (insert details and personal preferences as you will).

Now while I typically think the falling out was both their faults (see this post), I have read some fascinating takes on alternative ideas to this norm and it has given me some thoughts (I am sure this is far from original, but screw you I'm having fun).

TW for abusive relationships, possessive/controlling behavior, victim blaming, and other canon-typical triggers. Contains abusive StaticMoth.

So imagine...it's Alastor who catches feelings. And he has no idea what to do with them. All he really understands is that he likes being around Vox and dislikes being away from Vox and he GREATLY dislikes anyone else showing any interest in Vox (more than one Sinner has been devoured for such a daring offense). He does not enjoy these feelings, no thank you sir. They make him confused and flustered and off balance and that is simply unacceptable. Of course this is Alastor, so he doesn't really process that what he's feeling is love. It translates more into a possessiveness in his mind. As far as he's concerned, Vox is his. What that means...best not to think too hard on it. It's hardly an issue anyways, with Vox always by his side like an excited puppy.

Until he's not.

Valentino slithers his way into the picture and this makes Alastor furious. Valentino is everything he hates; he's abusive, chauvinistic, disrespectful, and utterly full of himself. He can't stand that Vox is giving this walking shit stain the time of day. Vox learns very quickly not to bring up the moth demon around Alastor because he can fucking feel the hostility coming off Alastor in waves whenever he does (he doesn't understand why, of course. Val is perfectly charming to him. Okay, so maybe he loses his temper every once in a while every other fucking day and says some nasty things but he always apologizes...). And fuck forbid they are ever in the same vicinity. Vox has had to come between them on more than one occasion to stop a fight from breaking out. This of course only makes Alastor even more hostile because why is Vox protecting that wretched excuse for a demon? These encounters usually end with Alastor angrily taking his leave of both of them for the rest of the day. He ignores that so very loud part of his mind that protests leaving Vox alone with Valentino.

The breaking point comes when Alastor sees Vox's cracked screen for the first time.

Vox insists it was an accident, that Valentino didn't mean to. They just got into a small argument and Val can get pretty animated when he's upset and he didn't mean to shove Vox like that and it was Vox's fault anyways for continuing to push when he knew Val was mad he should have just given him space and Alastor is not listening anymore. He's heard this song and dance before. He's seen it played out before his very eyes. He will have none of it and WHY THE FUCK WILL VOX NOT JUST LET HIM KILL THIS FUCKING MOTH?!

Alastor loses his shit. He goes on a tirade about Valentino. This is not the mere hostile exchange of barbs Vox has seen between them before. This is pure unadulterated vitriol. Vox always knew that Alastor and Val didn't get along, but Alastor has never once let him see this absolute hatred he has been harboring for the moth demon. He has never seen Alastor's demeanor break like this before. He flat out demands Vox to never see Valentino again. They start to argue. Vox doesn't understand what is happening.

"Why the fuck do you think you get a say in who I'm friends with?!"

"B̃ͦͧEC̸͎ͯ̓̀Ą̨̼̠ͧ͜͝U͉̟͎̔ͩS͐E Y̢̦͂O̸͖U͗'̿ͮͪ̒̐_R͎͗̉̒Ḙ̑ M̵͔̱͂́ͭI̳N̯̲̝ͯ̄E̳̤͎ͯ̓ͬ͜!͙̪"

"I'm...what the fuck?!"

Because Vox doesn't understand what Alastor is saying. Fuck, Alastor doesn't understand what he's saying. He just wants Vox as far away from Valentino as possible and Vox is just not listening. Why won't he fucking listen?! And then it click with Alastor what he just said to Vox and the panic starts to set in and he feels vulnerable and exposed and he's not even sure why but he doesn't like it and it needs to stop now so he does what Alastors do best. He attacks the cause of those feelings.

He starts mocking Vox. Viciously. Goes for every weak point, every crack, every loose thread. He tears into him, shredding him down and spitting out the refuse. Did Vox really think he cared about him? That he was special? That he was ever anything more than a source of amusement? How fucking hilarious.

Vox attacks him and the rest is very messy history.

TLDR Alastor basically confessed in a very Alastor way because what are feelings and well fuck he's eating them, then panicked and proceeded to handle his vulnerability in a very Alastor way, Vox took what he said at face value and did not react well to being insulted, and Alastor took it as a rejection (even though he didn't entirely understand that that's what he was feeling).

[ineffabildaddy]

Hello! I'm sorry if this question sounds a bit weird, but I've just stumbled upon your post about aziraphale and crowley's first time and seen "#i don't care that they can manifest superdicks or superpussies or superboth"

I'm new to the fandom I was wondering if it has ever been discussed what their sex and gender would be as in mainstream Christianity angels are considered agendered and to have no sex. All of the posts I've seen about them use he/him pronouns and talk about dicks and yours is the first one I've seen to open the possibility to something else so that's why I got curious

On another note I agree with your original post, they would last 30 seconds and would leave the sex marathon or the tender sex for later.

Sorry again if it's weird a weird question I'm already regretting asking

Have a nice day!

hi!!! thank you for asking me this, i'm delighted that you're interested in this aspect of the good omens universe and that you came to me about it:-)

gonna put my answer under the cut as it's quite long!

this is what the book has to say about angels and their potential sexes:

... angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort.

what most people have interpreted this to mean is that angels and demons are not inherently possessing of any particular primary sex characteristics (pasted from google: primary sex characteristics are those organs and other physiological structures that are directly related to sexual reproduction. These include both the primary (ovaries, testes) and secondary (vagina, penis) sex organs).

while they may have secondary sex characteristics (pasted from google: a secondary sex characteristic is any physical characteristic developed at puberty which distinguishes between the sexes but is not directly involved in reproduction) as part of their corporations - for example, tits or facial hair - most fans believe that angels and demons would have to actively 'make an effort' to manifest a penis or balls or a vulva or any combination or variation therein.

-

we've also got examples of what humans would view as gender variance within certain angels and demons the show - for example, there are angels with almost universally masculine names who are played by women (e.g. michael). these examples are largely seen to be a nod to the idea that gender identity is at least somewhat arbitrary for angels and demons.

here's a quote of a direction from the script book that sheds some light on this matter:

(There is a similarity to the angels, although they cross all races and do not necessarily have obvious genders. They all like wearing suits.)

-

here's another significant quote from the book, which is also paraphrased in the show:

For those of angel stock or demon breed, size, and shape, and composition, are simply options.

in fan content, this largely translates as follows: if crowley, aziraphale or indeed any other angel or demon wanted to 'make an effort', they could physically manifest whichever primary and secondary sex characteristics they chose. they are assigned a "corporation" - a body, or a 'vessel', as it's referred to in the tv show supernatural - that they must take care of, as we learn throughout the course of the story both in the book and the show, but the fanon view of this is that within that corporation, they can configure 'gender expression' and indeed have sex however they like.

-

why do angels and demons almost all have a perceived gender identity to viewers, even if they themselves do not subscribe to the idea of gender identity at all? why does gabriel read as a man, why does shax read as a woman, why is beelzebub referred to neutrally?

these questions are interesting and valid ones. gender expression always has a purpose in story, and good omens is no exception. i've actually got a detailed post that's been sat in my drafts for months about why i think that each significant character, and why the occasional side character, has the perceived gender expression they have. if people are interested, i shall go into this in another post.

-

all this to say - most people interpret crowley and aziraphale as at least vaguely male, in that they largely refer to both characters with he/him pronouns. for a lot of people, penis = male (even though this isn't inherently true), so most fans also like to think of them both as possessing penises by default, should they choose to possess any genitals at all.

popular headcanons posit crowley as genderfluid, due to their variety of gender presentations throughout the ages in the show (see the crucifixion scene and nanny ashtoreth), and aziraphale as agender, due to the way he's described in detail for the first time in the book, presumably among other things.

here's the first quote that i committed to this post in context, included here so you might understand better why people could see aziraphale as agender:

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong: Heaven is not in England, whatever certain poets may have thought, and angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort.

especially in the time in which the book was written, gender identity and sexuality were and are inextricably tied to one another. to be gay was and largely still is to be a man who exclusively likes men, and therefore to refute the human assumption that aziraphale is gay is to also refute the idea that he is a man at all. of course, in the minds of terry and neil, this passage probably served to make a general point about angels with regards to gender and sex more than anything. however, some fans have drawn upon it to interpret aziraphale as being distinctly without a sense of gender identity. there'll be more to why people think of aziraphale as agender, but i don't know much about this aspect of fanon, so i'm not the best person to ask (someone reblog with more info pls?)

do feel free to interpret aziraphale and crowley's relationship to gender identity and sex characteristics in whichever manner you see fit :-)

-

the moral of the story: read, write, and look at fanart about crowley and aziraphale presenting with whatever characteristics you enjoy seeing them possess! i, for example, exist in a gorgeous little transmasculine corner of the internet where we love to write and read a male-presenting crowley with a vulva. this is not a requirement by any means for me to enjoy a fic where gender and sex presentation or sexual activity is relevant, it's just something i like in particular - and you get to decide what you like too, if you have any preference at all :-)

the great thing about crowley and aziraphale as characters is that, due to their ethereal (or occult, haha) nature, you can make them into whatever you want and put them wherever and whenever you want and it won't not make sense. go forth and be free with it!

i hope this clears some things up for you - if you have any more questions or thoughts, please do let me know<3

[yelena-bellova]

do you have any TYL deleted scenes you saved that you'd want to share? (i do that sometimes and wasn't sure!)

I wouldn’t call them deleted scenes so much as alternate versions of what made it in. I’ll include some of them below for anyone interested!

—————

(Takes place during ep.4 when Ellie, Joel and Rosebud are eating ravioli in the woods)

Ellie’s eyes flicked between her two guardians, she was still trying to get a read on their tenuous relationship. She hadn’t quite settled on where they stood with each other.

“So why’d you two break up?”

Joel stopped chewing, Y/n looked up from her plate with a frown.

“Was it, like, some really bad fight? Or was there someone else?” Ellie gasped, “I read this book once where the guy was sleeping with this girl, but was also sleeping with her best friend. Was it something like that?”

Y/n dug her palm into her forehead and prayed to possess the power to crush her own skull.

“Eat your dinner,” Joel said, scowling at Ellie as if that could contain her questions inside her.

“I’m gonna figure this out,” she waved her fork between Y/n and Joel, her determination was rock solid.

Even if Ellie had the rest of her life, she would have never been able to guess the truth behind the horrible breakup.

—————

(Takes place during ep.6 when Tommy and Joel are in the bar)

“So we just not gonna talk about it?”

Tommy had done the small talk with his brother, asked about Tess and all, learned the story on Ellie…but that wasn’t what he truly wanted to know.

“She was in Boston too,” Joel explained, still looking around the bar, “Works with Marlene. Kid wouldn’t budge without her so…” he trailed off, “There we are.”

“Why the fuck are you still standing here?” Tommy asked.

Joel flashed back to the first week of his and Y/n’s partnership, when she was threatening to kill him if he so much as breathed in her direction. That, shockingly, was less complicated than where they were now.

“She needs to get out with Ellie to the base camp,” he deflected, “Any idea where it is?”

—————

(Takes place during ep.6 when Joel and Rose are talking by the fire on their way to the Firefly base in Colorado)

“So why should I trust you now?” Y/n asked.

Joel’s nose rubbed against hers, “Chance you’ll have to take.”

“I’m taking a big enough chance right now,” Y/n looked down at the lack of space between them.

“No,” Joel snapped to attention, taking Y/n’s cheeks into his hands and pulling back. He needed her to know he was here, unwavering and unflinching in his choices, “You’re not. I’m here.”

—————

(Takes place during ep.9 when Rose and Joel are in the RV. This was going to be the original version of the scene before I remembered that Joel said the guitar he’d found was smashed up)

“Come on…” Y/n said.

Joel reluctantly shook his head, “We don’t have time.”

“We literally have no schedule,” Y/n argued, getting to her feet and coming to the middle of the vehicle. She held out the instrument to Joel, “Just a few notes.”

Joel sighed, his hands practically twitching with desire to feel the six steel strings beneath his fingers again. The funny thing about dreams is that they never fully die, and Joel had always held space in his mind for the fantasy of doing what he loved full time.

“I’m injured, remember,” Y/n raised an eyebrow, “You have to do everything in your power to heal me.”

Joel scoffed, “You’re really gonna play that card?”

“If it gets me what I want,” Y/n shrugged, letting the guitar swing in her grip a little.

“Alright,” Joel relented, walking across the space to take the instrument from Y/n. He took a seat on the couch, causing a layer of dust to release from the cushions and making them both cough. Joel suddenly wondered if he even remembered how to play.

Y/n leaned up against the RV wall, watching as Joel ran his hands over the neck of the guitar.

Joel began to pick a simple pattern, the callouses from years of mnaual labor and handling firearms helping his fingers press down on the strings. From the first note, he felt some part of his soul arise, letting in a soft breeze and doing away with the dust and decay. He’d forgotten how fucking powerful music was.

Goosebumps flooded Y/n’s skin as soon as Joel began to play, the memories washing over her like a calm wave, rather than the hurricane they’d been for so long. She didn’t need to second guess herself when she thought she’d heard the song before.

[torukmaktoskxawng]

Hi Lovie!!!

So I gotta ask, for your fic, are you planning on doing the pregnancy and birthing that JC wrote in the script, a more human birth, or something else entirely????

And if you do go with JC’s bringing style, does Kayla know about??? Or is she gonna be there while Ronal gives birth and then is just absolutely shocked like

Hiii, hun! Short answer: I have no idea 😂

To link what you're referencing to, here's a post I saw recently about it, and if there are more official sources please let me know.

I believe the link is likely a theory and not canon, but I know everyone's talking about it, so now I am, too lol. I am curious about the whole birthing pod/sack we saw in the leaked script and I do have some questions regarding that. Let's get into it:

Is that canon? Is that for sure part of a script for a future film or was it cut from the second one? And are we sure that it's from James Cameron and not just someone on the internet who claims it's the script?

I promise I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just curious. I don't know where the leaked script originally came from, only that everyone was tweeting and blogging about it. Is the source viable? Please someone tell me where it originated from.

So whether or not that birthing pod/sack thing is true, it makes me curious because of this excerpt that's taken from the Atwow Visual Dictionary:

So Metkayina births sound awfully similar to normal water births on Earth, so my question is: is the baby born in the sack/pod first, and then they pop it in the water before bringing the baby up for air? OR, do the Forest Na'vi just have vastly different births compared to the Reef Na'vi? OR the leaked script isn't real and the Na'vi childbirth is the same as humans with possibly a longer gestation period.

An excerpt from Avatar Wiki:

Na'vi are monogamous creatures and the process of their reproduction is similar to Terran mammals, as they do possess genitalia; however, though they nurse their young and possess belly buttons where they were once connected to an umbilical cord, the Na'vi are non-placental, thus the details of their internal biology ...

And while the leaked script states that the mother nurtures the pod, this is also what the wiki has to say:

A female Na’vi will typically produce from one to ten offspring, often spaced widely apart in time. Female Na'vi have two breasts and nurse their infants for up to four months. Directly after birth, newborn Na'vi perform their first instance of tsaheylu with their mother to form a strong emotional bond and with her, then they are brought to the Tree of Souls to connect to the Pandoran collective consciousness for the first time.

In the interview with JC I have linked above, he talks about the mother and child being connected with tsaheylu for the third trimester but doesn't mention the pod/sack in question. From what I understand, the baby is born like a normal mammal in the second trimester and then stays connected to the mother for the third.

All I know is this: Every book source I own for Avatar (both visual dictionaries and the Activist Survival Guide) never mentions the pods/sacks that have been recently brought up. And yes, I know James says he's been changing some of the original lore and what-not, but I'm wondering if this was one of them.

In conclusion: For my fic, I think I've already changed a lot of what JC imagined for pregnancy on Pandora. Since I didn't know how long Na'vi women could be pregnant, I headcanon it to be a long time, which is why Ronal isn't close to giving birth in my fic.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do about it yet, mainly because I'm hesitant about whether or not the "leaked script" is viable or not. I'm excited for A3 regardless because it's likely going to be answering A LOT of questions for us 😂

[ofmermaidstories]

Hello mermsie! Forever and ever ago you brought up a rejected mates fic idea and at the time I was like 👀 but hadn't read any... well this last week I read like three and a half rejected mates books so now I'm all 👀👀👀!!! So - if you were gonna write a rejected mates fic, what reason would the boys have for rejecting a reader? I can see bakugo doing it out of stubborn pride pre-character development but I wanna know what you think!

Also I know the One True Soulmate thing makes you bitey so if you want an interesting subversion of the trope, may I recommend Tangle of Need by Nalini Singh? The psy-changeling series is one of my all-time favorites, I've listened to the audiobooks a dozen times each while working in the studio. My favorite book in the series is a tie between Shards of Hope and Silver Silence.

Love, 💎

did you enjoy the ones you read, gemmy? i couldn’t rec any, bc i was reading mine through tiktok LMAO whoops. 💀 luv that app. 🩷 but as for how i’d write one… idk! 🧐 i’m too much of a sook—i couldn’t write anything where bakugou or deku or whoever else rejects us, LOL. that would be their first and only chance with us, the fic would immediately devolve into a different pairing from there on out LMAO. like, bakugou rejects us because he’s a fucking wanker, and then reader runs away to a small rural town and ends up washing radishes for a living and ends up falling in love with like, shoji or something. someone kind and patient, who’s overcome his own hurt. 🥺 NOT deku bc he is basically an extension of kacchan, the fucking traitor. 🔪 die die die. 🔪

i’m sorry gemmy. 💀 you’re asking out of genuine interest and i’m like “REJECT US? NO! 🔪” LOL. u were right about bitey. 😭 i’m possessive. 😭 ur my person forever, or one of us dies. 😙 easy peasy.

i think if was doing it in a proper attempt though, and not just going with my “immediately deviating off-course into a different pairing” idea, i guessss i’d try to subvert the trope by making our Reader be the one to reject the love interest? but my concerns with that would be: is it stripping what people enjoy out of said trope, and am i doing the subversion for the right reasons? like, subverting tropes or cliches only works if you love and respect the original recipe, and as someone who’s never been particularly interested in soulmate-and-related tropes, i would wanna afford it the same dignity and earnestness that a mega-fan would.

like, idk if this is your experience with reading them, you’ll have to chime in gem-anon, but like, to me rejected-mates type stories are about the high-octane angst and drama (being roughly and cruelly shunted to the side, regardless of the MC’s genuine feelings) and then the grovelling (the way the Love Interest comes crawling back, begging forgiveness for their mistake and thus showering our poor mistreated MC with non-stop love and affection). so i think my question would be, could you deliver that in a different package (Reader being the one to do the Rejecting TM)? is it even possible? 🧐 like, why would Reader be rejecting them in the first place (fear, i guess? 🧐 of what? them? what being fated-mates would mean? is there an inherent loss of personal freedom involved in that (like, is Reader free to pursue their interests still, like schooling, even if it meant having to move away from ur Mate for a few years?), or is Reader just like, paranoid, LOL)? what’s the appeal? like, where is the fantasy fulfilment if it’s Reader pushing the guy away??? i guesssss off the top of my head, i’d say it’d be like: oh, the fantasy here is even though you have thrown a wall up between u (the rejection of ur magical bond), ur would-be boyfie would relentlessly still try to prove that he wants to be there, that he wants to stick around, that he will wait and that he considers u something precious to wait for. 🥺 which i think is fun, LOL, but it’s like: does it work as a point of difference to the melodrama of the original trope? 🥺😭

‘cause like, you’re right gemmy—pre-development bakugou would be good for the trope in it’s original packaging. 😩 unfortunately, LOL. tbh im kind of sitting here like, why do i like him again….. LOL dsflkjsdklfjdslkf. hmmmm. 🧐 if we strictly had to write this trope, as-is, then i guess i’d probably employ a “doing it for your protection” type trope/reasoning. 😩 and then there’s a bit of miscommunication, bc Reader is like, understandably hurt (although tbh if had to rework how the soulmates thing worked, in this AU, i would make rejection instantly painful LMFAO. bam, now Reader’s disabled for most of the fic thanks to fantasy-sad-heartbreak disease. which actually hm… could be interesting. 🧐 living with illness that wipes you out and makes day-to-day living is hard enough as it is, without having that be inflicted on us by someone who is, ostensibly, meant to not hurt us 🥺).

idk idk!!! i guess what im saying is that we could probably go one of several ways, if we were trying to introduce a rejected-mates fic into the WIP pile. 🥹 i think it would just depend on what the others here would like—expect and want out of it!!! 🥺 what would you want out of it, gemmy? what would you wanna see? 🥺

(p.s., i added the three titles you rec’d to my library wishlist—i have a series to try and speed through first (i’ve been so bad with reading this past month 💀) but then i will borrow them out, unless you recommend reading the series chronologically??? 🥺)

[empathieves]

This is technically cheating, because it’s 30 words over the maximum, but it’s already cut from what I originally wanted to send and I can’t bear to shave away more of it:

Boyd hesitates, just for a moment. And then he places his own hand on top of Raylan’s, so their scars meet.

Grief. Longing. Curiosity. Resentment. Bitterness. Affection, tangled up with an ache so well worn it feels like part of him, too painful to call love but too tender to be anything else. Desire,

familiar but also resigned. An urge to goad, to poke, to get a reaction, to get something from this man that’s his , no one else’s. Possessiveness. A vague guilt over that particular emotion, when they were never -

He jerks back then, reeling, and when he brings his hand up to his face it’s wet with tears. Boyd - Boyd looks like he just got punched in the face. Apparently some of his expressions haven’t changed in all the years between them, because the look is as recognisable to Raylan as it was when he was seventeen.

Raylan sits down on the steps that lead up to the church, because he doesn’t think his legs can hold him. After a moment, Boyd does the same.

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back here.”

“Neither did I.”

“I heard about that man you shot. He the one who -” Boyd gestures then, in the vague direction of Raylan’s stomach. So he had felt the torture then.

“Yeah, that was him.”

“He deserved it then.” Boyd says, seeming satisfied with that.

“And me? Do I deserve being back here? Having to deal with you as a Marshal, and not as - not as whatever we are?”

Boyd looks at him then, his eyes opaque as they ever are.

“I don’t know about deserve, Raylan. That’s between you and whatever God you believe in. But I will say that I never thought you’d be near enough to touch again, and this shit I’m into isn’t more important to me than the idea you might not let me do it again.”

Raylan stares at him. Boyd leans back on his elbows, looks up at the sky and waits.

“You’re saying you’d give this up. For me.”

“All that shooting make you deaf? Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Jesus, Raylan, I thought I was gonna feel you die before I ever saw you not covered in coal dust. You - you left. ”

Boyd’s jaw is tight, the muscles in his neck tense. Raylan watches this, a little fascinated, because he’s never known Boyd to lose it easily. Except apparently he does, when it comes to him.

“I need you to understand, the last twenty years you’ve felt like a ghost. If I hadn’t had that postcard I would’ve sworn you were haunting me. Instead you were just - not here. And now you’re back. And I can’t lose you again. I didn’t even have you the first time, and it just about killed me. I’m not doing it again. I’m not.”

Raylan looks away from Boyd, whose face is far too full of emotion to keep watching, and leans back on the step behind him. It creaks under his weight. He sighs out a breath. Inhales and takes in that scent again, all home and memory and agony, overlaid with Boyd.

“Alright.”

OOOOOOOH BOY okay here we go!

Boyd hesitates, just for a moment. And then he places his own hand on top of Raylan’s, so their scars meet.

Intentional callback! I wanted to bookend this piece. This one started with a very clear image of them as boys making a blood bond in the afternoon sun, and I had a clear idea that I wanted to wind it up with them joining hands again - but this time with the full knowledge of what’s between them. There’s intent this time. They’re not boys anymore - they’re men and they can’t excuse this with naïveté.

Grief. Longing. Curiosity. Resentment. Bitterness. Affection, tangled up with an ache so well worn it feels like part of him, too painful to call love but too tender to be anything else. Desire, familiar but also resigned. An urge to goad, to poke, to get a reaction, to get something from this man that’s his, no one else’s. Possessiveness. A vague guilt over that particular emotion, when they were never -

Grief for the path they didn’t take. Longing and affection are obvious here - I wanted the ‘ache’ part to invoke a bruise. Curiosity about the man Raylan’s become, and all the years that have gone by without him. Resentment and bitterness about the way things have gone. Resignation because Boyd thinks he knows how things are going to go. Urge to poke because I think that’s such a Huge part of Boyd’s character, the need to prod at things best left alone. Possessiveness - Boyd knows that no one knows Raylan like he does, no one has seen the inside of Raylan’s head and felt what he’s felt. The vaguest of guilty feelings about that because even if he knows there’s something there, he does respect free will, and he knows Raylan didn’t choose him back then.

He jerks back then, reeling, and when he brings his hand up to his face it’s wet with tears. Boyd - Boyd looks like he just got punched in the face. Apparently some of his expressions haven’t changed in all the years between them, because the look is as recognisable to Raylan as it was when he was seventeen.

The implication here is that Boyd has gotten his own taste of what Raylan feels, and instead of what he expected - maybe some fondness, irritation - he has instead gotten all this complicated pining and anger and repression and shame and regret. Also wanted to give that sense of still knowing each other, intrinsically, with that recognition of expression. And also the idea that Raylan saw Boyd get punched in the face enough that it’s a recognisable expression.

Raylan sits down on the steps that lead up to the church, because he doesn’t think his legs can hold him. After a moment, Boyd does the same.

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back here.”

“Neither did I.”

“I heard about that man you shot. He the one who -” Boyd gestures then, in the vague direction of Raylan’s stomach. So he had felt the torture then.

There’s a whole scene here implied by this. Boyd would likely have been in prison while this was happening :)

And an acknowledgement that neither of them ever expected to be in this position.

“Yeah, that was him.”

“He deserved it then.” Boyd says, seeming satisfied with that.

“And me? Do I deserve being back here? Having to deal with you as a Marshal, and not as - not as whatever we are?”

Boyd’s defensiveness of Raylan even now. Also, Raylan comparing returning to Harlan and seeing Boyd in this new different capacity with death. Which it is - metaphorically. Also an acknowledgement from Raylan that there is something between them.

Boyd looks at him then, his eyes opaque as they ever are.

“I don’t know about deserve, Raylan. That’s between you and whatever God you believe in. But I will say that I never thought you’d be near enough to touch again, and this shit I’m into isn’t more important to me than the idea you might not let me do it again.”

Opaque as an indicator of how hard Boyd is to get a good read on. Then Boyd being disarmingly earnest and honest in a flip on that.

Raylan stares at him. Boyd leans back on his elbows, looks up at the sky and waits.

“You’re saying you’d give this up. For me.”

“All that shooting make you deaf? Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Jesus, Raylan, I thought I was gonna feel you die before I ever saw you not covered in coal dust. You - you left. ”

Followed by immediate defensiveness, snark, and then an unwilling expression of hurt. Boyd wasn’t expecting any of this and he wasn’t prepared for it. His words fail him at the end of his speaking here, which is rare for him.

Boyd’s jaw is tight, the muscles in his neck tense. Raylan watches this, a little fascinated, because he’s never known Boyd to lose it easily. Except apparently he does, when it comes to him.

“I need you to understand, the last twenty years you’ve felt like a ghost. If I hadn’t had that postcard I would’ve sworn you were haunting me. Instead you were just - not here. And now you’re back. And I can’t lose you again. I didn’t even have you the first time, and it just about killed me. I’m not doing it again. I’m not.”

A touch of the regular kind of southern gothic. Raylan leaving has left Boyd in his own kind of story and now he has a chance to get out. Not out of Harlan necessarily but out of the narrative he’s been stuck in, of this closeted man missing someone who’s been gone for longer than he was here.

Raylan looks away from Boyd, whose face is far too full of emotion to keep watching, and leans back on the step behind him. It creaks under his weight. He sighs out a breath. Inhales and takes in that scent again, all home and memory and agony, overlaid with Boyd.

“Alright.”

Scent and sound are the biggest triggers for memory. It was important for me here that Boyd is the top note - Harlan and all its history is still there underneath, but now Boyd is at the forefront instead of Raylan’s old trauma. It’s a metaphor for how this piece itself unfolded - Raylan couldn’t take this step with Boyd until Harlan was far enough distanced from him (again, not literal) that he could move forward with his life. It took a while, but he’s there now. I also had the ‘creaking under his weight’ bit in here because this moment is HEAVY. It’s got all this history behind it. It’s weighted. It’s important that it is, that this isn’t a spontaneous joyful thing. There’s consideration here. This is a choice.

[yugioh-rare-pair-poll]

There are many things that one should be thankful for this Thanksgiving. One such thing is the tradition of our ship names, a convention still in use in the Pokemon fandom, a way to get across what pairing you're talking about whether you use their original names or if you associate them more with their dub names.

But how are those names chosen? Well, I can't answer that, but here are some of your theories about why they're named that way.

Shrimpshipping- They shrimps | If you mean why it's called "Shrimpshipping", it's probably a reference to their heights; compared to the rest of the main cast they always look super short. I would mention the fact that official bios state that they're a pretty average height, almost half a foot taller than Yugi, but that's neither here nor there. Despite what the bios say, the anime makes them look miniscule, so that's where the name came from.

Angstshipping- They’re probably the angstiest characters in the whole show, Marik with his whole family thing and Ryou with the whole “constantly getting possessed and having dead family” thing.

Beautyshipping- bc theyre both beauties | because they're both beautiful

Utopiashipping- For their duel in Dark Side of Dimensions, Aigami(Diva) says Yugi has potential like the Planas, and offered him the chance to create a "Utopia" with them, hence the name Utopiashipping.

Identityshipping- I’m pretty sure it’s because they both have secret identities? Like how Rishid lies about being Marik at first and Ryou obviously has the spirit of the ring rattling around in his brain

Stubbornshipping- [didn’t know ship name] |Theyre both strong willed characters | They are both known to stick to their opinions!

Sideshipping- I honestly don’t really know, I assume because they’re “side characters” but I’d consider Anzu a main character? Actually wait I looked it up and it’s because they’re always cheering on their friends from the sidelines! That’s pretty cute

Siblingshipping- It’s because they’re both siblings of main characters..! It’s… unfortunate though, isn’t it? I mean doesn’t it give you the wrong idea? Who did this???

Rescueshipping- I have no clue and I wish it had a better name :(

Snareshipping- Named so because in order to gain publicity Otogi set up a hidden trap (such as what a snare is) for Jonouchi to fall into. | because of the first ep otogi was in I heard that the trap that he prepared for katsuya is called a snare or something im not actually sure LOL | Idk maybe they play guitar together? that would be sweet

Cyndia/Kisara- They still need a ship name; maybe something like Obsessionshipping or Objectshipping or Idolshipping because they're both objects of obsession from men that break away from them towards each other hypothetically?

Switchshipping- Because of how they switch places in the arc that Adina shows up in

Fadeshipping- I honestly have no idea. My best guess is because fading away can be a way of saying dying??? No idea

Lector/Nesbbit- It has no pairing name! **cry.** I'm still looking for the perfect one.

Timaeus/Kisara- I'm not sure they even have a name I'm gonna be honest (if I had to give it one call it Wing or Guardianship? I'm sure it's been used else where but I mean they are dragon and they protect others so seems fitting to me)

Familarshipping- I mean they are in away Kaiba's familiars I suppose. They're two dragons heavily connected him and that he controls / uses so it certainly makes sense for the name.

Yearnshipping- There was no name for their ship, so I made it up. They both yearn for love, even if they had different goals.

[storyspinner91]

Chapter 1: Through the Fire and Wind

Summary: On the planet of Tir Asleen, on the outskirts of Union's hegemonic benevolence, best friends Kit Tanthalos and Jade Claymore are staring down an uncertain future - and a decision that will change their lives forever.

[This is an old chapter, I'm reposting it here for archival purposes!]

I wanted to repost links to my old chapters as I keep working on the next one, partly as a break/distraction and partly because if I'm going to keep a tumblr for this project I feel I should be complete about it. So here's a link for the first chapter! In an attempt to give these a little more purpose I'm also gonna talk a tiny bit about the process of writing it.

As I think I said elsewhere, I basically started this fic like I was possessed; I outlined the broad strokes and then wrote this chapter in (I'm pretty sure) one fell swoop of like 4 hours far too late at night. It was fairly easy to write because it's mostly a rework of ep. 1 of Willow; this is an adaptation that departs eventually from its source material, not a 100% original fic, and at the start I was playing with how closely I could stick to the original plot beats and dialogue of the show as I found my feet.

Also, I just love that we meet Kit and Jade swordfighting, and making them have a mech practice/paintball fight felt like a great way to establish the world and some of the fantasy-analogues very, very quickly. It also helps me point up one of the fun things about this kind of mech fiction for people who might not be as familiar: in Lancer, pilots (players) modify their mechs extensively, so each giant robot becomes a sort of expression of their personality/approach to fighting or life. So we have Kit's mech, Freedom, which is fast, agile, and expends huge amounts of power in flashy ways, and Jade's, Duty, which is slower, more heavily armored, carefully managed. I hope it helps set expectations for what readers will see in the future!

This is (I think) about the only chapter where I do the fanfic thing of "We've all seen Willow, right? I don't have to totally rewrite that scene in the banquet? Cool." :P

One thing that did surprise me about this chapter - and emerged organically as I wrote - was how much more high-intensity the confrontation between Kit and Jade became at the end. I'm not sure where that came from, exactly, though I think part of it is the idea that in a far-future world with very advanced surveillance technology, Kit's plan is way less likely to actually work for her. So Jade's not only in conflict with her over ideas (should she do this) but because she's concerned for Kit's actual safety.

The Oh Hellos song that corresponds with this chapter is On the Mountain Tall. At the start of this project I was pulling on the songs more for lyric inspiration than anything else, but the song does touch on things that are relevant to the chapter: the intertwining of love and fear, and the sense that something unstoppable has been set in motion. It's the start of the cycle, after all... In hindsight, I'm also very happy that the song hints that some of the drama/violence/oppression happening now is a result of the past:

Still the wild wind blows Up out of the grave of an angry ghost Firing bricks from broken canon and prose To build a wall so high it reaches the heavens in the sky

(Though fun fact: I realized only later that I'd 100% misheard the lyric in the title, and it should be "Though the fire and wind." Oh well.)

Anyway! Too long a ramble for a chapter I posted in March, but it's the first one. Will keep posting backup chapters as I take breaks. Feel free to ignore them!

[ohc-and-the-music-tapes-archive]

Interview with Julian Koster about Chocolate USA in Flagpole, July 14, 1993 [source]

transcript:

CHEWING THE CHOCOLATE CUD

Chocolate USA is more than a band; it's a concept, and, according to Julian Koster, vocalist/writer/musician, it's an attempt to bridge the gap between fan and band. “Chocolate is more a ‘thing’ than a band. It's an idea,” he said while spooning out the sour cream from his chicken burrito while we sat at Compadres. “When I was a kid the bands I listened to opened me up; they were like my best friends.” He went on to describe the intensity of emotion and intimacy one feels when connecting with the music. So many bands build walls around them and what Chocolate would like to do is “make something without a backdrop. The idea is... the world has to be limitless.”

We originally drove off towards town in Chocolate’s newly acquired red van with white paint sloshed in swirls along the sides. The van is the band’s current prized possession once belonging to Bar/None, Chocolate’s record label. Performers such as They Might Be Giants, Freedy Johnston, and others have graced its exteriors and left their marks in the guise of bumper stickers and stage passes plastered on the metal sides and dashboard. A Soul Asylum all access pass looms from under the radio while bumper stickers proudly proclaiming “My other car is a penis" and “Bush Wishing Well — please give a shit about greedy Republicans” cover the sides of the well-worn vehicle. There's a Freedy Johnston backstage pass, and a few others with handwritten band names, now smudged through time.

There's also the cow... and our reason for driving downtown in the first place — to find paint that will cover the Wooden Cow Guest House insignia in the middle of Julian's four foot high wooden cow. “I'm into a cow phase at the moment,” he said while we walked towards the art shop carrying the cow. “It’s the imagery of cows on the side of the road — no matter where you tour, there are cows on the side of the road. I used to pass this cow pasture all the time when I was in high school so it brings back certain memories to me,” he said. I asked him if he had written any ‘cow’ songs. He began singing one, to no surprise.

Their debut album, All Jets Are Gonna Fall Today, was released by Bar/None records just a couple of months ago, yet the material for the album was written and recorded several years ago while Julian was at the high point of his adolescent angst. “Bar/None took it as is. Most people block adolescence out of their heads, I released mine nationally!” It turned out that Bar/None was Julian's favorite record label at the time. “I was a huge fan of They Might Be Giants, Yo La Tengo, Ordinaires — they were my three favorite bands. [Bar/None] responded right away to the LP. They are the neatest, funniest people I've ever met working with indie rock. [With All Jets] we preserved the time and what was there. We're definitely a Bar/None band — we fit in that mindset.”

The band currently has 25 songs to weed through for their second release planned for January, some of which are partially recorded. In the meantime the band is planning to release a vinyl only EP in the fall. But for the past two years Chocolate has been running their Chocolaty Good Smash Hit of the Month Club. What you get when you join is a personalized mini album with covers made by the band “Nothing in the club will ever be anywhere else.” Julian is also working on radio play ideas, characters involved with the band — both real and imagined — and has worked with real life characters such as Eugene Chadbourne and Daniel Johnson on projects. The current Chocolate lineup is Keith Block on drums, Allen Edwards on guitar, Paul Wells on bass and mandolin, Liza Wakeman on violin, and Julian on guitars, mandolin, concertina, and turntables. “I'm inspired by George Clinton and the Parliament and Funkadelics. They were very much a family. Our ultimate goal is to bring the band’s garage and the kid's bedroom closer together.” Julian asked for the time while smashing a bite of burrito into his mouth. Evidently he had two other phone interviews to take care of and he was already late for one of them. We rushed out of the restaurant, not forgetting the cow, and descended back into the heat and the red van “Did I tell you what I'm going to do with the cow?” he asked. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. “We're going to put it on stage with us — do something with it — I'm not sure what....” We got back into the van and drove off, securing the cow in the back seat.

I had to ask: How did this cow fetish come about? “During the time we were recording All the Jets, the cow stuff was coming into effect,” he said. “I fell in love for the first time at age 16.” Evidently seeing cows brings back the memory of the cow pasture Julian used to walk by during his high school days, when the love bug first struck... “It was a case of unrequited love. It blew my mind — about love and what we were going through at the time. It was during adolescence and about adolescence. There was no perspective. I was in the middle of the ocean and I was swimming without a life jacket. That was adolescence — that was love.” Hillary Meister

Chocolate U.S.A. are playing at the 40 Watt for their Athens album release party on Wednesday, July 14. They play rarely in these parts and are about to embark on a national tour. Catch them now before they travel down the winding pastured road...

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 KuroEne AU: Kuroha pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan

KuroEne AU scenario where Kuroha/Saeru pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan, while getting intimate with Ene. Shintaro gets worried for Ene's sake as her friend.

Sen's KuroEne AU: Summary

(Kagerou Daze Manga: Ch. 64)

Mary confronts Kuroha... but with a twist :)

Credit: Feila

The credit for the KuroEne shitpost meme edit goes to Feila

They originally came up with the idea and made the shitpost meme edit, I just edited it over the JP scans (which are in high-res)

Since I haven't bought the Kagerou Daze Manga volumes in EN yet, only in JP

I'M CRYING LMAOOOO 😭😂

Ty for your service as always 🫡💞

Teamwork! 🎉

I'll put the summary of my rambles and my and Feila's discussion rambles under the cut!

Our discussion was really long so I'll just be pasting it here

Original vs. Meme Versions

Original (JP)

Shitpost (JP)

Original (EN)

Shitpost (EN)

Text Version

Bear with me y'all since I haven't bought the EN volumes yet

I only have a few of the JP volumes rn. I'm planning to buy the rest eventually

I found out the exact font that the EN Official TL uses to typeset the KagePro manga's main dialogue with

I'm still trying to find the exact font for the JP one, so it's just really similar (but similar enough to fool people LOL)

Close enough since it's REALLY similar

I also found out the exact font used for Magi's main dialogue in Viz's EN Official TL too :)

...

F: YAAAYYYY

I'm gonna gaslight a few people into thinking this is the canon one

Me: IKR cuz now we have the exact same font as the official version LMAOOO 😂

...

F: WE DID IT 🤯🔥

Me: Power of teamwork, wahoo!!

F: Now time to fool people

...

F: GOOGLE TRANSLATE 😭😭😭

Me: HELPPP

F: It'd be funnier if the panel below was Saeru smirking while saying "hell yeah"

Me: WHDSHDHS HONESTLY IT WOULD

I should edit another image from the KagePro manga (later)

F: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO 😭

Me: Like just take a panel of him smirking from somewhere else and then paste it instead of the bottom panel

But dang the last panel in the OG page overlaps with the 2nd panel

Maybe later but not rn

F: That's gonna take a lot of photoshopping

Tho it is possible

F: Pls focus on other things 🙏

F: Also isn't your birthday coming up?-

Me: Oooh yeah it is! I'm planning to draw something for it tho it might be late (which is fine)

September 12th ^^

F: Noted :3

Me: 6 days away from 9/6 Day and 6 is Ene's Mekakushi Dan code number. Ene we were made for each other wifey 💙💘💞💗

KuroEne AU: Kuroha/Saeru pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan

Continuation of these rambles.

Saeru's amassed power and resources

Minor thing but wrong particle in the 1st image

I think whoever edited the Wiki page copy pasted from Ayano's Eye Ability, Favouring Eyes (目をかける, Me wo Kakeru) cuz there's a typo here

What it says:

目をか冴える蛇 (Me wo Ka Saeru Hebi)

What it should be:

目が冴える蛇 (Me ga Saeru Hebi)

...

Other than that, the KagePro wiki mods are doing God's work fr

...

F: Also Saeru sees 2 disabled kids (HaruTaka) and went "Hell yeah let's kill them"

Me: HWHDSHSDH not only that but he's actually the reason why they were put into a Special Needs classroom for just the two of them

Like Iirc his manipulation while possessing Kenjirou got Takane and Haruka into their own classroom in the first place

F: Just gotta beg the principal bro, as long as they got the budget they're fine

F: I still stand by my old statement

Me: LMFAOOO

Me: Oh yeah I just remembered. He's also the reason why Takane Haruka and Ayano's deaths don't get mass reported to the media cuz he makes sure it stays rather contained within the school

F: 3 kids died on the same day

"Nah bro, nothing going here"

Me: RIGHT like 3 kids dying on the same thing would be a massive thing but apparently cuz of him it gets suppressed

F: Damn Kenjirou's co-workers trusts him that much 😨

Me: I swear I read somewhere that it's cuz of Saeru that the deaths of 3 teens gets swept under the rug so it doesn't ger reported to the media but I can't find it

F: Wait why was Takane put into his lab again?-

Me: Oh yeah that actually does bring up a good point.

Like it's possible that Kenjirou (while under the influence of Saeru) administers a poison of some kind to possibly kill her after she collapses from her chronic illness. Then he takes her body to the lab

Me: The fact that Saeru takes both Takane (who turned into Ene) and Haruka (whose body turned into Konoha) into his lab…

F: Yeah, she became a digital virus and all, and her body completely lost all consciousness, I'm just wondering why she was kept in the lab

To prevent it from rotting? I guess that's reasonable, or it's just for the plot???

Me: Yeah I don't think there's much details other than that she was separated from her physical body. Like I noticed Takane's hair grows longer in Novel Route (her bangs grew after 2 years) once she's reunited with her body

F: I'm gonna guess that it's to keep them from rotting

And perfect plot device for Ene to just suddenly "HELL YEAH I'M ALIVE AGAIN" in the anime

Me: Ooooh yeah true

Me: OH I FOUND IT

The 2nd image

And this is exactly why I HC'ed that he'd get a nice real estate for him and Ene to stay in in my KuroEne AU~

F: WHERE DID BRO GET THE BUDGET FROM WHA 😨

Me: Tax evasion /jk

Ok I'm kidding he probably has ways to convince/manipulate people

F: I know humans are dumb, but this guy took it to another level

KuroEne Meme

F: A very normal unedited panel (trust me)

Me: I'M SCREAMING

Me: Someone should definitely ask him this in my KuroEne AU 😭😂

F: Go for Mary wwww

Me: Mary or Shintaro asking him this would honestly be funny LOL

F: He'd be frightened about them knowing it too

Me: I think in my AU, he'd certainly be a bit surprised/caught off guard by others knowing and/or catching onto their relationship, but doesn't mind. For most Routes, he goes along with Ene's wishes to keep their relationship a secret.

It's so funny to think about the perspective of an outsider (another MekaDan member) on their relationship. Plans of trying to rewind the world and whatever those two (KuroEne) are doing

F:

"You're going to fuck her again, aren't you?" (Mary to Saeru)

"You're going to fuck him again, aren't you?" (Shintaro to Ene)

I've cracked the code 🔥

Me: LMAO

Shintaro: GOD, ENE!!! Don't make me witness your "games" with that guy!!!

F: Like yes he wants to rewind the world so he can keep living forever, but he also wants a gf :3

F: His jaw would drop so hard it de-attaches 😭

Me: Right cuz by causing the time loops he can live forever AND be with his lover for eternity ^^ It's a win-win for him

It'd be so embarrassing for him (Shintaro) like he never imagined the selfish cheeky Ene would get all flustered and embarrassed around that guy. Added with their relationship.

F: This trade is unfair man, Ene's friends gotta die and she can't continue to the future

Me: Yeah… he actively robs everyone of a future in order to serve his own selfish interests, and he knows it.

...

Me: It's so funny to think about how any MekaDan member who finds out about their r/s would be in disbelief.

Though some others would take it better.

Meanwhile Shintaro feels like a roof dropped on him

F: Momo is just supportive, not concerned about Saeru's background 😭

Me: Yeahh others like Seto and Momo are confused

And others would be confused but supportive

F: While Mary is all "😭😭???"

Ene with that "I can fix him" mindset is so funny

Me:

Kuroha: You can't fix me, but I can make you worse :)

I'll make you just like me -> I'll dye you in my colour

F: OH They both got worse indeed

Too freaky

Me: Let's just say that Kuroha seducing/enticing Ene and generally encouraging her to let go of her inhibitions/restraints causes them to indulge in their pleasures together.

While they play the game together, Kuroha decides to play nice… for now.

He knows he's just deciding to act tamer and finding something to entertain himself with (someone to play the game with) before he moves forward with his real plans.

Me: But yeah I do think a few members like Shintaro are kinda suspicious of Saeru's background.

Someone suddenly came and announced that they could make an android body for Ene, free of charge? Something doesn't feel right. He seems up to something...

Like Shintaro mostly dismisses it, but when he really starts thinking about it… It's too suspicious.

F: And Saeru's the only one who's good at keeping Ene under control as if he's playing with her mind

F: Ene has no filter around people unless she develops attachment towards them (kinnie moment-)

Me: YEAH cuz at first Shintaro's parading with Saeru's existence like "Wahoo! There's someone who can finally tease Ene and keep that pesky virus under control! Payback! I KNEW that life would finally reward me with good things eventually!!!"

Me: It's honestly funny to imagine Shintaro accidentally walking in on glimpses of their intimacy (them kissing) and finding out that they're romantically involved. And then, when he really starts thinking about it... Saeru's whole deal seems suspicious.

F: Also he has no degree in engineering but can build a whole android body??? FOR FREE?? Actually he is the degree he doesn't need one, does he?

Me: With his accumulation of knowledge, yeah

Me: Yeahhh it'd be fun if Shintaro confronts Saeru alone about how suspicious he seems. He came out of nowhere and suddenly insists that he made a body for her.

(Well… technically the entire MekaDan did but they feel more earnest and genuine)

He tells Saeru that he doesn't know what's in it for him and that it's not his business, but he's worried for her (Ene) as a friend

Tho Saeru probably knows how to counter Shintaro's answers just due to his knowledge. Shintaro still feels suspicious but lets it slide for now

Me: Same with me omg I mildly relate to Takane/Ene in a lot of aspects

This is apart of what makes her a very important and personal character to me

F: So Kuroha yapping is real, got it

F: Seeing her in MCA is like looking at a mirror for me omfg 😭

…

Me: He seems talkative/chatty when he wants to be

Me: I relate to Takane/Ene sm…

F: What if Shintaro questions Ene instead 🤔

Me: OH yeah Shintaro probably tries asking Ene first cuz Kuroha is honestly… unnerving/intimidating ngl

F: I mean, just look at him

I'D RUN BRO, THE DAN WAS STRONG FOR THIS

Or is Shintaro mad he can't pull and Ene manage to pull a random ass emo guy that looks like her crush's game avatar under a day?

Me: (KagePro Manga: Ch. 9)

(KagePro Manga: Ch. 17)

But Ene obviously doesn't want to tell him about their r/s and goes like "Don't pry into a girl's secrets!!!"

Ene gets embarrassed when Shintaro asks her about her r/s with him. Ene just tells him that he is a mysterious stranger that came and proposed that he could give her a body after hearing about her current predicament of being trapped inside the cyber world.

MekaDan members are just so compassionate as well

Shintaro: What's your deal with that guy!? Well, look, look, I know it's not my business, but—!

Shintaro: See! That sounds even more suspicious when you put it like that! I mean—! What kind of guy would do this all for free!? You can't tell me he's doing all this out of the GOODNESS of his heart!

Ene doesn't tell Shintaro that he (Kuroha) resembles Konoha.

Because she wants to keep her past to himself and avoid reminding him (Shintaro) of the past)

Though I think Shintaro eventually does put two and two together that he looks like Haruka.

And that eventual realization hits him like a brick

Shintaro: What if you get into trouble and something happens? That guy just looks like he's up to no good!

Ene: Awww~ Is Master worried about me?

Shintaro: Not!!! (-> He totally is)

Ene: But don't worry! He's been really nice to me! He always does what I ask~ Whenever I want something, he always finds a way to give it to me! Ene: He takes me places to go and sightsee, like the Amusement Park~ He gives me gifts, such as new clothes to wear~ Video games~ Unlike a certain someone who just stays cooped up in his room all day~

Shintaro: Heyyy! 💢

Shintaro: But isn't that suspicious?

Shintaro: (Why the sudden favouritism, though? He has a thing for her and wants to impress her, or something?)

Ene: I think you're just being a worryart, Master~

Me: Saeru fulfills his purpose as the "being that fulfills wishes" to an extent... He grants Ene's wishes and desires and pleasures.

But never completely grants his owner's wish

Ene isn't his owner tho so he can play along with her whims to appease her

...

F: Shintaro forgot genuinely nice people exists probably, but the fact that they're talking about Saeru in this context, he has the right to be suspicious

Me: Yeahhh like at this point I think Shintaro is still knee deep into his pessimism/cynicism, but slowly opening up cuz of the MekaDan

But with Saeru's context, showing up one day and building her a body? He finds it hard to believe. The situation is SO surreal to him.

F: Both Ene and Saeru are countering his arguments as much as possible lmao

Me: God Ik Shintaro gets super cowardly but he has some serious balls when he wants to 😭

Like when Kuroha goes on his killing spree at the end of Manga Route 1 (and starts killing everyone in the Mekakushi Dan after their Amusement Park trip).

Shintaro tries to shield Momo, his younger sister, from Kuroha when he points the gun at her and runs in front of her.

The adrenaline rushes in for him to protect a sibling/family member with his life

F: Bro hides his potential for plot duh

Me: OH yeah true

Me: And so, Shintaro realizes he has to confront Kuroha himself after he realized he's not getting any answers from Ene…

Shintaro: (Great...... Worst option. Ene wouldn't tell me anything when I tried asking, so now it looks like the only option is to ask HIM... He's frigging scary, though!)

F: And Saeru using reverse psychology on him 😭

Me:

Shintaro: (God, this is the worst kind of situation...! I mean, what am I doing? I know it's not my business, but… What the hell is this?)

Shintaro: (I mean, no matter how you look at it, it's just strange… He managed to accomplish something like transferring someone's consciousness to a robot...)

Shintaro: (How he'd manage to develop tech more advanced than this world's greatest scientists? It can't just be because he's some prodigy from a wealthy family or whatever. It doesn't make sense. And all for free? And I can't help but feel worried for her, too. What if she gets into trouble because of him?)

F:

Shintaro: What are you up to, huh??? Why would you suddenly create a fully functioning Android Body specifically for her? You're not gonna hurt her, are you?

Kuroha: Are you projecting right now?

F: Reminding back the trauma of losing his friends just because he doesn't keep an eye on them for 1 sec…

Me: ;__;

Me: Also knowing Saeru, he can definitely spin up some lies to get away with it. He's good at twisting words. He knows what to say.

Me: OOO yeah I definitely imagine they'd say something like this

…

F: The fact that your canon-verse KuroEne AU reminds me of RuiNene (ProSeka)

(Genius mfs inventing shit that benefits their gfs)

Me: Reminds me my friend Aya was like "Him and his autistic wife" 💜💚

F: They're both autistic actually, Sega told me-

Me:

I imagined a scenario like this

Shintaro: (Shintaro approaches Kuroha from behind and places a hand on his shoulder.)

Shintaro: Hey, hold it...!

Kuroha: (Kuroha raises an eyebrow with an amused smirk on his face when he turns around to face him.)

Kuroha: Hm? Oh, Shintaro? What is it?

Shintaro: I need to talk to you. In private.

Kuroha: Well? What did you want to talk to me about?

Shintaro: Ene said that you showed up one day and told her you could make a body for her. And all for free? It doesn't make sense! What's in it for you? You can't say you're doing this out of the KINDNESS of your heart.

Shintaro: Sometimes you guys disappear for days on end, too!

Shintaro: …Look. I don't trust you.

Kuroha: Oh? Are you really that suspicious of me?

Me: Shintaro's comment of "Sometimes you guys disappear for days on end" is in reference to Kuroha taking Ene to visit his real estates for them to be together during their trysts (games of intimacy)

F: And then he went on yapping about how much he banged Shin's digital malware, peak plot

Me: LMFAO 😭😂

Oh yeah I imagine that in Routes where Kuroha joins the Mekakushi Dan in Konoha's place, he knows that certain members will be more on guard around him than others

Thankfully he's good at talking his way around things (and he can see through Kano's Deceiving Eyes too)

F: Tbh, since he can easily manipulate Mary into resetting the time

Maybe he would play around like this

Me: Oooh yeah true

Like he's interested to see how much he can mess around (even when the others start to catch onto him).

He probably just thinks "You all can't stop me anyways"

Me: Mary would be confused but supportive. She's got the spirit. She'd still be like ❓

F: 8 (since Konoha is used as a vessel) red eyed teens vs. A snake demon with a glock

Me: WDSHHDSHDSH

This is going to end badly.

F: Does she not have any suspicion about him being Clearing Eyes orrrr-

…

Me: It seems like everyone is unaware of the Clearing Snake's existence before the start of the present day plot except for Kano (and Ayano, who is in the Daze in most Routes) in the present plot

Me: But yeah I wonder if Mary or any others would start to catch onto him. Cuz technically Kuroha can fool the others by saying he's Awakening Eyes…

He can use Konoha's Eye Ability, Awakening Eyes, and his eyes turn red when he uses it

F: True and everyone thought that he might have another someone that got sucked into the Kagerou Daze and he was the one who got out alive

I feel like Shintaro will most likely find out

He's got the highest suspicion for him

Me: Yeah I think Shintaro is one of the members most likely to catch onto Saeru first. Plus he's worried about Ene for the sake of a friend

Shintaro's technically clever and was considered an academic prodigy. He always aced tests due to his photographic memory Iirc

F: I FORGOT HE'S A GENIUS

Me: When Shintaro asks Ene, she just tells him she's decided not to delve too much into Kuroha'sbackground/past

Shintaro: But don't you find it suspicious? He just showed up one day and said he could do this for you. Something doesn't feel right...

F: Academically tho I don't think he can read people well

Me: It's cuz he's usually so pathetic /endearing

Oh yeah Shintaro has booksmarts he's not good at reading people emotionally

And obviously Shintaro is one of the only members aside from Ene to realize that he looks like Haruka

Like the realization probably hits him way later on

F:

Ene: But look! I can change my clothes now!

F: He was trying to forget Haruka too… Are you trying to re-torture this guy but with a KuroEne love/hate-sex twist onto it???

Me:

Ene: I'm not just stuck in your computer or phone anymore! I see it as a win! (⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡)

Me: HELPPPP

Oh god yeah I just realized the KuroEne AU routes where Kuroha joins the Mekakushi Dan ends up putting Shintaro through the wringer emotionally

Imagine having to deal with worrying over a friend and having to keep an eye on a guy you're really suspicious of cuz you don't know what he's really up to (and what his true intentions are)

F: I feel like making him notice that Ene looks like Takane and then realizing that she IS Takane

And witnessing her GETTING FUCKED BEFORE HE DOES is uh Idk cool plot but poor guy

Me: Yeah like he'd eventually put two and two together. And then it explains her infatuation with the Haruka lookalike guy (Kuroha)

F: You're making him relapse wow 😭😭😭

Me: Honestly sad for him cuz Ene wanted to avoid reminding him of the past but Kuroha's actions end up doing it anyways

F: So do I say fuck you, Author, or fuck you, Saeru???

Me: Didn't realize how much emotional baggage Shintaro would go through with this but it's interesting to think about from a writing standpoint

One of the things that Micchan pointed out to me is that apparently Haruka can see and hear whatever Konoha's body feels.

So when Black Konoha (Kuroha/Saeru) fucks Ene… Yeah.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT EITHER UNTIL SHE POINTED IT OUT TO ME

F: It does make it interesting from Shintaro's perspective but my man just wanna stay inside

F: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

SHIT.

Me: Kuroha's actions end up causing everyone the worst kind of slow eating heartbreak oh my god

F: WELL UH…

That was awkward 😨

M: Holy shit I’m loving that AU this is so angst fuel ⚰️🔥 I’m so sorry Haruka who’s in the Kagerou Daze watching all this unfold SHDJGHKAJSRGD

Me: MICCHAN WHDSHSDH

Me: Oh yeah KagePro LN 6 -over the dimension- canonized that Haruka can see and hear what Konoha's body experiences. So…

F: Haru and Shin are a victim here bro

Me: YEAH I'M MOSTLY JUST GONNA… LOOK AWAY FROM THAT LITTLE TIDBIT

F: ALSO CAN'T AYANO SEE TROUGH SHINTARO'S VISION??? CMIIW

Me: HELPPPPPPPPPPP

F: 4 VICTIMS IF WE INCLUDE MARY WTF

For Ayano though, it depends if this Route takes place after Manga Route 2 (MR2) cuz that's when Shintaro gains an Eye Ability (Ayano as the Snake of Retaining Eyes)

So yeah Ayano is included as one of the people exposed to learning about KuroEne's intimacy if it's post-MR2 AND if Shintaro learns about it.

Cuz Iirc Ayano visits Haruka in the Kagerou Daze and can see what Shintaro sees

Me: I'm just imagining before KuroEne get intimate with each other again...

If Kuroha's truly fucking evil, he can make a side comment like, "We have an audience here, don't we?" In reference to Haruka and Konoha being forced to be spectators to his actions.

And Ene would just be confused by his one off comment like "But there's no one here in this room?"

And he just grins to himself and goes like "…It's nothing" (^-^)

Technically all of the MekaDan members are victims but some especially get put through the wringer

F: Bro's gonna make Mary commit mass murder just to reset the timeline so she didn't have to witness this

Me: Ngl 5 victims if we include Haruka and Konoha. Aren't they basically forced to just be a spectator to Kuroha's actions (including killing everyone, and KuroEne's intimacy)

Cuz Kuroha suppresses Konoha's consciousness while he possesses him but he's not fully gone

Technically, all of the MekaDan members are victims, but some ESPECIALLY get put through the wringer in this.

F: Oh shit an accidental threesome-

Me: YEAH THIS WAS ME WHEN I REALIZED THAT HARUKA (AND PROBABLY KONOHA) WOULD SEE KUROENE'S GAMES... THAT THE "PLAY" TOGETHER...

F: I'm taking off my glasses

That's enough of seeing privilege

Me: I just mainly thought about and focused on the two of them (KuroEne) but then I realized the routes where Kuroha joins the MekaDan ends up causing the others sm pain

F: Positive thinking

He cooks for the Dan, does the laundry for the Dan, takes Ene to the amusement part, cuddles with Ene at night

AND THEN HE KILLS THEM

He did enough nice things ✌️

Me: LMAO

Oh yeah he'd be great at doing the Dan's household chores

And he'd take Ene to the Amusement Park and Ene would come back holding plushies and stuff ^^

F: The only way to gain trust around here tbh

Me: One thing I thought about is that when Shintaro starts to catch onto Kuroha by sifting info, he starts to look into his background and sees how abnormal it is that this guy has money and real estates under his name

When Shintaro confronts Kuroha about this he just tells him (lies) that he gained the inheritance from his wealthy family

F: Pssst… check his taxes

Me: Also another factor that plays into this is that Ene is honestly… gullible and easily trusting. So she wants to believe in Saeru

F: Wait what if Shin asks for his last name, to y'know

Find his possible relatives on Facebook?

Me: OOOOH. I still think Kuroha can still lie his way outta this just fine but Shintaro's probably still suspicious of him (in his mind)

Cuz I imagine Saeru generally secludes himself

F: Ene's mind is all like "Damn, you changed a lot Haruka, what phase did you go through, holy shit"

Me: YEAH I think Ene knows he's different from Haruka but still feels a certain fondness for him

In this Route it means that he would've gained access to resources and amassed money and power through Kenjirou, and when Kenjirou dies after he leaves the body to possess Konoha, Kuroha probably has all his resources forwarded to him

F: Tateyama Saeru, yeah that sounds real stupid

Me: YEAH I don't think of it as adoption but rather like passing it on to a successor. Saeru SHOULD be smart enough to create fake names and identities too

Oh I also just realized.

He can use Awakening Eyes to change his appearance, so he can just change into Kenjirou's appearance even after his death

He can make as many fake identities as he wants to avoid drawing suspicion

He doesn't even need to be labeled as Kenjirou's successor, but he can do whatever he wants to avoid raising suspicion

F: Fooling the government into thinking they're relatives lololololol

Me:

Shintaro: Take a look at this, Ene…

Me: Oh yeah and apparently Konoha stays at Kenjirou's home at first after Saeru ensures his creation

Me: Oh I also just realized. He can use Awakening Eyes to change his appearance so he can just change into Kenjirou's appearance even after his death

He can make as many fake identities as he wants to avoid drawing suspicion

Shintaro: Are you funneling money or something? How the hell did you get the resources to make a fully functional android body?

F: Ooohhh then… Kenjirou inviting both Hibiya and Hiyori into the city is also a setup…

F: TAX EVASION SHIN, TAX EVASION 🔥🔥🔥🔥 /HJ

F: So in Konoha's State Of The World…

Oh I get it now

The story is more complex than I thought

Me: People on the KagePro Wiki are doing god's work fr compiling all the lore

Me: Yeah it looks like Kenjirou (who's possessed by Saeru) inviting them (Hibiya and Hiyori) to the city at the start of KagePro's plot is a setup to orchestrate their deaths

[verysillystarr]

𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚊 (𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚊!)

One way, or another, I'm gonna find ya

I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya

One way, or another, I'm gonna win ya, I'll get ya, I'll get ya

One way, or another, I'm gonna see ya - Blondie

--------------------------♡---------------------------

☆: I originally got this idea from a fic I read but most of the credits got to them

★: Lucifer Morningstar (Magne) x Reader

☆: Mentions of kidnapping and possessive behavior(I think?)

★: Gender-Neutral reader.

☆: Reader is 20-23

★: This is a oneshot

-----------------------×---------------------------

Short Summary: Who would've guessed that a certain devil liked you in particular? Unfortunately, there's no way out for you..

Your friend kept telling you how good this show was. 'Hazbin hotel' I think? It was actually quite popular from what you know, and you already had prime so there was no hassle for you to watch it.

Surprisingly it was quite good. Even had some likeable characters. You only started watching yesterday and now you're on episode 5! Lucifers' character stood out to you. He was so, in a way, goofy but also kind of charming.

Though.. it felt like he was looking directly at you sometimes when facing at the screen. Or maybe that's just something the animators did intentionally. It wasn't that important just slightly off-putting.

Your phones clock read 5:30. Didn't realize it was getting so late. Guess that's what happens when you spend so much time watching TV.

That show can wait till tomorrow, it did kinda waste your day. Though it was hard to shake that feeling that someone was watching you.

You were confused why the next episode was playing. " I could've sworn I turned it off last night."

[ Breif time skip ]

You finished the show. Although, it did dim your mood that it was already over. So much had happened. Yet you'll have to wait for the next season to come out.

Oh well, you could always - " Hello dear! "

That's not right at all.

After the credits ended the screen went black. Meaning it was over. Meaning Lucifer Morningstar should most definitely not be on your TV screen.

" Are you.. talking to me? "

" I don't see any other person in your room. "

You had to sit down on your bed to process this.

" Y'know, Y/N , I've been watching you for a while now. And what else can I say beside you have most definitely peaked my interest! "

" .. But aren't you.. you know, Satan? The devil himself. Why would I be interesting to you? "

At first you assumed this was a hallucination. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. But this was to real to not be happening.

That explains a little too much actually. The feeling of being watched was actually true.

But this can't be. He's fake. He's just a drawing basically. He's stuck on a screen. Which actually calms you down a bit.

It made you feel eased that he wasn't actually there. But you were still tense.

" Listen, I don't what you want from me but- "

"Oh it's quite simple my love! I want you to come here! With me! I can do more than a few tricks. And perhaps treat you better than anyone ever could? Or do you need more convincing ? "

He must be delusional to think you're coming with him. Quite honestly he talks too much..

In attempt to escape him you tried turning off your TV. And it.. didn't work. He must have done something.

Unfortunately he knew and (threatened) "persuaded" you to hear him out.

" Uh- hey! It's kinda rude to push someone who loves you away! "

" You're not real. "

" So I guess I'll have to make you come with me then? "

You laid down slightly, not really sure of how much he could do.

" As much as I hate to tell you this there's nothing you can do. You're trapped in there and I'm , thankful , not. So good luck trying to- "

There was a loud sound of something banging against the screen three times and then a shattering sound.. you flinched at it.

And there he was. Standing right at the foot of your bed looking smugly.

" You were saying something about 'being trapped' sweetheart? "

Oh Lord.

[calehenituse-brainrot]

Hiya! Just wanted to say that I absolutely love how you write! Also, can I request a Cale/Reader where the reader is his childhood friend? (If you're too busy, please feel free to ignore this!) :D

am digging thru my inbox and found this and was struck with an idea

okay babe, this was done in the middle of the night so it might suck because i genuinely forgot where i was going

the ask is pretty vague so im doing a KRS!Cale x Reader x OG!Cale

i hope you're not too upset with me changing a few things 😔🥺

That man is not your Cale.

You watched the person that simultaneously looks like your Cale and yet nothing like him with cautious eyes.

Why is there no one pointing out how different he was acting?

Had you gone crazy?

"[Name]?"

'Even his voice sounds exactly the same,' you thought, a chill running up your spine. His voice sounds exactly the same and yet it was different.

Cale had never called for you like that so nonchalantly.

No matter how much alcohol he had taken or tired he is from acting like a lout, he had never called for you that. His voice had always been warm when he talks to you and the reason why you were able to point that out was because you were the only living person with that privilege to hear it.

"C-Cale?" You called for him nervously. "Did something happen?"

Cale's one red eyebrow raised in confusion. "I don't think so, no."

He stared at you, trying to think what you were thinking. You were not mentioned at all in all of The Birth of A Hero series and to think that this trash son of a count was able to have a close friend was surprising. What's even more surprising was the fact that said close friend was you, the child of an artisan who worked underneath Countess Violan.

Apparently, the trash son and you were close enough to the point you're allowed in his room whenever he decides to be docile for the day.

It had been only a few days ever since he possessed the body of Cale Henituse and had been spending the last few days searching for more information regarding Cale Henituse that might not be mentioned in the first volume of the book.

You had apparently left the county for a few days to buy new tools for your father since he had just done a commission for the Countess. When you came back, Cale had gathered enough information to make sure you wouldn't see through him.

"Y-You just seem really quiet," you added quietly, sitting across him with both hands on your lap anxiously.

You feel like you are talking to a stranger.

And you know you are,

Because that man is not your Cale.

"Do you want me to cause a ruckus then?" Cale questioned and you glanced up at him.

'That's something Cale would say,' you both thought.

Usually, when he says something like that, you'd always challenge him to actually cause a ruckus and he'd never act upon it because he knows if you were to be with him while he's acting like a lout, you'd get even more swept up into rumors than you already do.

"Then do it."

Cale looked at your expression, able to see your shaking eyes and the way your jaw moved as if you were biting on the insides of your cheeks. You were agitated, but why? You had just urged him to cause a ruckus with such a nervous expression that Cale began to think something must have gone wrong.

"Do it," you pressed. "Cause a ruckus."

Cale stayed quiet. What the hell?

He knew you were a bit weird since you were friends with the original Cale Henituse but to think you were gonna press him into causing a ruckus?

'Don't tell me the problem isn't Cale Henituse but [Name] who's the one been urging him to do those acts,' Cale thought to himself with a small frown.

You suddenly stood up from your spot as if the seat had burned you. You stared at him for a moment, still agitated and glancing at the door several times. It was clear you wanted to leave and Cale would not take that privilege from you — he'd actually gladly give it to you.

"Nevermind that," you told him hurriedly before he can say anything else. "I'll be on my way back to help my father with his next work. I'll talk to you soon, Ca-I mean, Young Master Cale-nim."

You bowed to him and immediately hurried to leave, eager to get out and escape from being alone with a man you did not recognize.

Cale watched you leave, his heart nearly jumping up to his throat when he saw how you had looked back at him when you were going to close the door.

'There's no doubt about it,' he thought.

You knew.

Cale was convinced you had figured out something was wrong - how you found out within one meeting with him was impressive, he had to admit that. He had underestimated how close you were with the original Cale Henituse and didn't think you'd be able to immediately see through him. He'd thought you'd be at least be relieved that he was no longer causing trouble here and there, like the other rest of the family and staff.

'To think they're that sharp,' he thought with a frustrated frown. 'They must've noticed something was wrong. I must've acted wrong.'

When you didn't turn up for the next few days and was openly avoiding him to the point the Countess herself had asked if something went wrong, Cale knew he had to do something.

It'd be bad news for him if you go around tattling to others about what you were suspecting - whatever it was in your head. Either way, it's bad news to him because he'd have to deal with the questions he's not even sure he's capable of answering.

"What the hell," Cale mumbled as he stood in front of his windows, watching you talking animatedly with a bunch of maids near the garden.

As if able to feel his gaze, you looked up and made eye contact with him. Both of you flinched in surprise and Cale sees how you immediately averted your gaze and said something to the maids, quickly ending the conversation with them and then running away from his line of sight.

A knock was heard from the other side of his door and a slightly strained voice called out, "Young Master Cale-nim, it's Ron."

'Dammit,' Cale thought. 'One problem after the other, please.'

"Come in," Cale answered, turning around to face the former-assassin-turned-butler who had entered his room without making a sound. 'What a scary old man.'

"Young Master Cale-nim, you seem upset," Ron pointed out with a benign smile. "Is it because of Miss [Name]?"

Cale raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think so?"

Ron's smile turned even scarier in Cale's eyes upon hearing his tone. "Well, it's clear that they're avoiding our Young Master-nim. Usually, you'd be together nearly all the time in the estate if their schedule allows them to do so."

Cale had severely underestimated how close and observant you were to the original Cale Henituse. If this continues, people would immediately catch on.

'I have to talk to them.'

So he asked for Ron to have you visit him when you can tonight, something that you surprisingly accepted. Ron stated that you seemed a bit rattled upon hearing that Cale wanted to meet, which was apparently odd for you because you always liked meeting him.

"Did something happen, Young Master-nim?' Ron had asked, his tone rather teasing than concerned.

'That's what I'm trying to know,' Cale had grumbled. Ron gives him a benign smile.

You did come when you were free, though it's during one of the times everyone was supposed to be resting, which was at night. You knocked on his door at around 10 PM and needed no answer from him to come in.

Cale who had been waiting for you -- for your information, he fought off his sleepiness just to wait for you to come -- turned to look at you. His eyes widened a bit when he saw that you were trembling a bit. And also...

Is that a small knife in your shaking grip?

"You're not Cale Henituse," you stated, voice shaking and obviously horrified at the sight of him. "You're an imposter."

"Put the knife down," Cale began slowly. One of your hands lets go of the knife, showing just how violently you were trembling while facing him. Your hand locks the door behind you before you turned to look at him again.

'They're bold,' he thought. 'And reckless.'

In your hand was a whittling knife that you always used to help your father add detailing and smooth out his work. It was small and meant to do little work despite how it's a general item to be used for woodworking, and you know it would do little damage, but this was the only thing you were capable of thinking to bring.

"You're just someone who looks like him," you say with a trembling voice. "You sound exactly like him, but you are not him."

Cale takes a step closer and you raised the little knife. "D-don't move!"

Cale stared at you, seeing how your face is pale and your whole body is trembling. He can see that even though you were trying your best to grip on that little whittling knife for dear life, your hands are shaking to the point you had to readjust your grip every second.

There were tears beginning to emerge in your eyes -- is it sadness over the realization that your friend is gone or is it out of fear because you do not know what could he do to you now that your friend is gone and you're all alone with him on a locked room?

You were bold and reckless, but you were smart and observant, he had to admit that.

You were able to see through him even though all you did was sit in silence and asked a couple of questions -- Cale wondered if that's all it needed for your to see that the original Cale Henituse had been gone. But how were you able to conclude that Cale Henituse is gone and that he is someone else?

"I am Cale Henituse," Cale said, taking another step closer to you. Your breath hitched a bit and you backed up to the door, still trying your very best to hold the knife up.

"N-no, you're not," you stammered. "Y-you're not him. I know him, and--"

"Why do you think so?" Cale asked again, taking another step closer.

Your back hits the wall and he can see in your eyes the moment you realized that you couldn't possibly stab him - not when he looks and sounds exactly like your beloved friend. It was cruel of him, but to ensure his safety, it needed to be done.

"H-he"--You choked up--"He's n-not supposed to be like this with me."

A tear fell down, and your whittling knife dropped to the ground. With a face full of sorrow, your [e/c] eyes finally met his russet ones. Your eyes were wet and bloodshot as you stare at him with such a crestfallen expression, "Y-You're not supposed to look at me with those eyes, Cale."

You slowly sink to the floor, covering your face as muffled sobs began to come out from your lips. Cale stared at the door, his usually nonchalant face succumbing into an appalled expression as he process your words.

Reality slapped him hard this time -- harder than it did when he woke up as Cale Henituse.

He forgets sometimes that even though this was just a fantasy action book written by someone from his world, this was an alternate universe that actually existed. Every single person here has a life and story that exists despite not being mentioned at all in those books.

You and the original Cale Henituse were not an exception.

The books may have shown that Cale Henituse was a lout from the Henituse family, but that was not all about Cale, isn't it?

The books never showed about Cale having a close relationship with a wood crafter's child and developing a relationship with them. The books doesn't talk about how Cale Henituse while a lout, could also be capable of compassion and loving others to the point he'd love someone despite the obvious status differences.

And what bothered Cale, no, Kim Rok Soo, was the fact that he so easily accepted that his soul now resides in Cale Henituse's body and did not think of what grief would be felt by people who truly do care for the original Cale Henituse.

"Cale"--You were now on the floor, almost like you were bowing to him as you gripped at the trousers of his pajamas in desperation--"Where's my Cale?"

"My Cale," you sobbed on the carpet of his bedroom. "Where is he?"

Cale bent down, placing his hands on your shoulders. "I'm sorry."

You shake your head, tears streaming down your face. "No, no! Don't say that! Give me back my Cale!"

Cale clenched his jaw as he thought about what should he say to you. He doesn't know where your Cale is and he couldn't even give you an explanation of how he got here. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry!" You nearly wailed. "Just give me back my Cale!"

"I don't know where he is," he says to you, gripping on your shoulder and forcing you to look at him. He sees your face, streaked with tears and he wonders what should he say. "Let's sit down and I'll explain this to you."

He helped you get back on your feet and walked over to the couch in his bedroom, sitting across from you as you were still sniffling, wiping away your tears.

Even while he explains his situation to you, he can see that you were still wary of him and even did not trust him. He told you about how he was a man from another world, falling asleep in his home and then waking up as Cale Henituse and he had been doing his best to adjust to this new life.

"Regarding Cale Henituse himself, I do not know anything," he told you. "I don't know where he is right now. Maybe he's possessing my body, maybe not."

"Is there no way he can return?" You asked with such a small voice that Cale could barely hear it had it not been a quiet night. "That my Cale can be back?"

That was how you had been addressing the original Cale Henituse all night. Your Cale. It was a bit of an odd thing to hear when he's been trying his best to adjust to the name 'Cale' himself but he wasn't going to comment it out loud.

"Again, I don't know," Cale answered.

He sees you take a deep breath, rubbing your face before letting your hands go through your hair. You looked to the side, blinking rapidly as new tears began to emerge in the corner of your eyes again. They quickly fell down to your cheeks and you began to speak in a shaky voice, "I-I can't see him again?"

Cale thought about Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo. He could always see them again by looking at the pictures they had forced him to take with them. He could always reminisce about the moments they had together, but he could never meet them again and he's already at peace with it.

He could understand how you feel.

The grief, the hurt of not being able to look at their eyes again, to see their smile, to be able to talk again to them.

He could understand how you were hurting.

"We never know," Cale answered. "He may come back, he may not."

You closed your eyes, tilting your head down as more tears fall to the carpet. "I see..."

Cale gives you some time to process through the whole thing -- it was the least he could do -- and waits for you to calm down, which was surprisingly a lot quicker than he predicted before he could properly ask you, "What was your relationship with him?"

"We were romantically involved since two years ago," you murmured. "I told him it was impossible but he convinced me."

Cale already predicted it, but it was still surprising to hear you say that. 'I guess that guy wasn't so bad if he has a significant other...'

"I won't demand anything from you as a partner," you quickly added. "Our relationship is a secret and you are not him, so I will not expect you to do anything."

Cale nodded. "Thank you, because I'm not interested."

You stared at him for a moment, an internal battle brewing up inside your heart and you nodded as a response. "Could you promise me something, though, stranger?"

Cale, no, Kim Rok Soo raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Promise me that if there is ever a chance that you encounter him again, tell me about it."

Cale had thought about how your request didn't seem so hard - that even though there's a high possibility of that happening, he thought how it could possibly not happen because Cale Henituse is probably dead.

Maybe he could worry about that once he gets his slacker life.

It would have been so easy.

His life would go on so easily.

But, no, you had to know about his identity and learn more about him.

You were able to let him talk to you about himself longer than he had ever talked about himself to his subordinates. Your easy-going nature along with a slightly playful personality was so easy to work with and you were SO. GODDAMN. OBSERVANT.

He couldn't leave you be because of the guilt he still feels. You have always said that he wasn't in the wrong, that he did not have to feel guilty, but it's so hard to accept that. He's still struggling, but he could never leave you be and makes sure to always update you on whatever he's doing.

"I actually don't want to get closer to you at first, you know," you had said with a melancholic smile. "But I can't just leave you be, not when you're walking around with that face."

"Don't get it mixed up," he warned you.

You smiled at him, amused. "I won't."

"Also," you added, patting the lapel of his uniform in thought. "I'm glad to see Cale Henituse achieve something as admirable as this. Well, not him, but to see the image of him being like this makes me happy."

As he stood in front of you as you fixed the pin of the Henituse territory on his Commander uniform, he thought about how sickeningly sweet it was to have you do something as domestic as this.

"Thank you, for allowing me to see Cale like this."

His breath was taken away by the smile on your face when you uttered those words.

And then he was reminded that your smile is not reserved for him, but only for the original Cale Henituse. He knows that you still weep for the loss of your lover despite years have passed and you're always having an internal conflict whenever you look at him.

Sometimes he can see that you forget that your lover is gone, like when you instinctively cradled his cheek when he was upset, and the way you'd immediately apologize and leave made his heart beat faster, and yet they sink at the same time.

Curse you for knowing his boundaries.

He doesn't really know what he should call these emotions that have been brewing in his heart over the course of years after knowing you - they were pleasant and yet they hurt him to the point he'd curse himself for feeling them.

When he finally met the original Cale Henituse, now residing in his previous body as Kim Rok Soo, he waited for the man to mention you and when he never did, he decided to bring you up.

"Are you not going to ask anything about [Name]? They know about me being someone else."

Kim Rok Soo's face morphed from nonchalant to form a small melancholic smile. "How are they?"

"They're fine," Cale answered. "Before your regression, what happened to [Name]?"

"I married them, of course," Kim Rok Soo answered with a somber smile. "I loved them till the day they died."

Cale's breath got caught in his throat.

Oh.

"They died along with the rest of the family," Kim Rok Soo continued. "They were the love of my life and they made sure I didn't feel too alone. We have loved each other since we were young, long before we both even know what exactly loving someone else meant."

"Take care of them for me, won't you?"

Cale nodded, fist tightening. "I will."

Was it wrong to be so relieved of those words? Was it wrong to be relieved, knowing that you were officially being given the free will to make your choice? That you have been let go of by your former lover to do so?

That there might be a chance for him?

"I'll make sure to keep them safe," Cale said. "Not for you. But for their own sake and mine."

Kim Rok Soo's eyes widened a bit after hearing Cale's declaration. A satisfied smile began to bloom on his scarred face. "I see. You're going to be a lucky man, then."

"Tell them that I am happy where I am right now," Kim Rok Soo added. "I'm a bit saddened, but I will be with my mother from now on, so there's no need to grief over me because I am happy with the choice I make."

He had always thought about your request and always thought that it wouldn't be too hard, but how could he say that to you?

Either way, it's his responsibility so he should start thinking about it.

When he finally conveyed the news to you, giving a vague explanation about how the original Cale Henituse made a choice to be with his mother so as to not expose the issue with the God of Death, he had to listen to you wail, louder than when you realized your lover was gone all those years ago.

Perhaps you feel the same way as he does, perhaps not.

Cale knows he had to be patient and let you heal first, but he knows that at the end of the day, however long you'll take to move on, he'll always wait for you.

[fanimesenseiwrites]

Things the MC would bring back to their demon bois from the mortal realm:

Lucifer:

MC goes to second hand stores and vintage shops always on the look out for vinyl records that they think Lucifer would like.

Most of the time they try and bring back stuff he'd actually like, such as Tchaikovsky or Vivaldi

Once, they brought back Stravinsky's Firebird Suite and Lucifer wouldn't stop kissing them (once they were in the privacy of his room of course)

Sometimes the MC will bring back more modern music just because it makes them think of him

"I dunno, I just listen to Hozier and think of you"

Lucifer doesn't like all the modern music they bring back but he appreciates the sentiment just the same

Then there's the gag gifts...

Any kind of music that has a reference to the devil or Satan or hell is fair game

These gifts usually elicit an eye roll from the eldest brother but he keeps them all the same

This is why Lucifer owns a copy of "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"

So when MC brings back a copy of Giuseppe Tartini's Violin Sonata in G minor, they're a little surprised at Lucifer's delighted reaction

"You know, I was the one who visited Tartini in his dreams."

MC's mind = blown.

"Also, this copy is cursed. I know you know how much I enjoy cursed vinyls."

"I- wait... What?!"

MC is very upset that they had a cursed vinyl in their possession this whole time

Mammon:

This boy loves stuff, and he loves MC, so he's gonna love any gift really

But MC knows he loves treasure and jewels and as much as they'd love to just bring him back nice watches and jewelery...

MONEY IS A THING, AND MC IS NOT MADE OF IT.

So MC settles for semi-precious stones instead

They always find fun and beautiful stones at museums and those metaphysical stores and they always pick out one that reminds them of Mammon

They're really nervous when they give him his first gift

"Hey, I got this for you and I know it's not fancy or expensive but I saw it and thought of you and I just wanted you to have it."

Mammon will love them until they die. He is really just so touched that MC thought of him. He'll try and play it cool though

He totally fails. MC won't tell him that though

MC brings him Lapis Lazuli and tells him it reminded them of his eyes and Mammon is now a puddle of lovesick goo on the floor

Mammon puts more shelves in his room dedicated to all the gifts MC gives him

One time MC brings him back some fool's gold in a teeny little jar on a chain, so that he can wear it

"Fool's gold? Why cuz I'm a fool?" Mammon asks with a roll of his eyes.

"What? No, cuz I'm a fool for you."

Mammon only love MC until they die? WRONG.

He's gonna love them forever now

He was gonna do that anyways

Leviathan:

C'mon, this boy is easy. Anime/manga stuff and TSL. Need I say more?

At first he'll be suspicious of MC wanting to give him gifts, but once they've convinced him that they're doing it out of the kindness of their heart he's really touched

The first thing the MC brings him is a pen with a little Ruri-Chan on the end of it

"I know it's not much, but I just happened to see it and I knew you'd like it"

Like it??????

HE LOVES IT! HE'S OVER THE GODDAMM MOON.

He's never seen anything like this in the Devildom and he doesn't think about the small stuff usually because he's too busy trying to get the big collectors edition items. So he actually really loves this.

MC continues to bring him cute small stuff like buttons and keychains and Levi loves them all.

His favorite item(s) that MC brought him is a pair of Lord of Shadows and Henry BFF enamel pins

He definitely tackle hugged MC when he got them

He gives the Lord of Shadows pin back to MC so they can each have one and show off their BFF status with them

Satan:

MC loves going to second-hand bookstores to shop for Satan.

Satan also appreciates new books, but there's something special about how his face lights up when he finds something old or rare. Anything with a little bit of history to it.

Of course, finding rare books for not a lot of money is a rare event in itself

So a safe bet is to bring Satan non-fiction, the boy loves to learn

But he really loves it when MC puts thought into finding fiction books that he would like

"I just really feel like you'd like Dean Koontz so I brought you one of my favorites by him."

Satan loves those gifts the most because he can talk to MC about the books afterwards

Satan's absolute favourite gift is a leather bound copy of Arabian Nights though

"I was thinking we could read this one together"

"Like you read it to me and pretend to be Scheherazade?" Satan suggests.

MC is flustered at the connotation of the suggestion but agrees anyways

The time they spend together reading that story will forever be one of Satan's favorite memories

Asmodeus:

He's a little harder to shop for than the MC had originally imagined

They tried bringing him make-up and skin care, which Asmo always graciously accepted, but he never seemed super excited about the gifts

But what else is to be expected from the guy who already uses only the best products?

MC suddenly gets an idea when they send Asmo a selfie of them at the park

- OMG! You're so cute! And the background is pretty too!-

MC starts dressing up and going to nice and beautiful places just with the intention of taking pictures

Botanical Gardens, museums, downtown skylines, anything that would make for a good picture

MC goes full on aesthetic art hoe just for Asmo

Only the best pictures get sent to Asmo

Asmo is LIVING for the looks their MC is serving up

- You are absolutely STUNNING! I'm in awe at these AMAZING pictures-

MC makes a scrapbook of the best pictures to give to Asmo the next time they see him

Asmo loves it and keeps it on display in his room always

Also, Asmo definitely makes MC their personal photographer after seeing the wonderful shots they took

Beelzebub:

Obviously, the boy loves food. He's always down to try new snacks from the mortal realm.

But MC wonders if there's something better that they could bring him

One day MC is at GNC for supplements for themself when they notice the workout supplements and get an idea

They grab some fun flavored protein powder and some BCAAs and a really nice shaker bottle just for Beel

Beel is actually really excited to get these gifts!

The Devildom doesn't have fun flavors of protein powder and the shaker bottle is such a great idea!

MC always brings new flavors of protein back for Beel, doing their best to find the weirdest flavors for him to try

Beel's favorite is definitely Birthday Cake.

MC starts bringing him new stuff to try too, protein bars, recovery supplements, collagen, and superfoods shakes

Beel tries everything and tells MC what their favorites are

"I love the BCAAs, I just wish the Devildom had them..." *sad Beel noises*

MC may or may not talk to Diavolo about researching BCAAs and getting them produced and sold in the Devildom

The supplements MC brings actually help Beel with his workouts and to control his hunger (a little)

Beel actually gets hotter??? Who knew that was possible???

MC definitely takes advantage of Beel's new 8-pack 😏😏😏

Belphegor:

What do you get the boy who only wants to sleep?

MC has gotten him stuffed animals and blankets and even a couple of nice pillows, but nothing seems to excite him

... but maybe that's just his personality??

It's not until MC accidentally leaves a sweater in the Devildom, that they figure it out

- You left your sweater down here- Belphie texts MC.

- Oh no, I'll just get when I come to visit y'all again-

- That's fine. I like having something that smells like you-

And the light bulb went off in MC's head.

Every time MC goes to visit they leave a shirt or sweater behind for Belphie, so that he can have something that smells like them.

Belphie loves how MC smells, its like a sweet dream all the time. It helps him sleep better when they're gone.

Belphie starts to complain when MC is gone longer than the item they left smells like them

(Which is every time)

So MC will start leaving Belphie more than one item, packing them in airtight bags so he can use them one after another until they return

Belphie can and will fight anyone who tries to take MC's clothing

"Mammon, you have two seconds to put that sweater back or I will kill you."

And Lucifer probably won't stop him

Diavolo:

He's honestly the easiest to please.

He's so fascinated with any thing that humans do that he'll enjoy any gift from the human world.

MC's first gift to him is a rubber duck.

"The duck is wearing a crown so it made me think of you and I just thought it was cute."

"I love it! What's its purpose?"

"Uh... to float around in the bathtub with you and look cute?"

"Isn't that what you're for?"

Diavolo loves the rubber duck so much it gets his own silk pillow to rest on when it's not taking a bath with Diavolo.

MC brings him cute pens, and keychains sometimes bottles of wine if the bottle is cute.

"The bottle is shaped like a cat! Isn't that delightful?!"

MC's proudest moment was when they found a full and intact tea set at the thrift store

Diavolo immediately fell in love with it.

He insists on only using that set when having tea with MC

But his favorite gift will always be the rubber duck.

Barbatos:

He'll insist that he doesn't need any gifts but that won't stop the MC.

MC is with him in the kitchen in the Demon Lord's Palace when they get an idea.

KITCHEN TOYS.

Barbatos works so hard, he deserves some things to make his life easier and liven up the bland kitchen

MC's first gift is a vegetable spiralizer.

"You use it to turn zucchini and squash and the like into noodles so that you can do fun stuff with vegetables!"

Barbatos accepts it graciously, but he'll probably never use it.

MC brings him spices from the mortal realm and Barbatos actually really loves those.

When MC brings him a food processor, he offers to cook for them right then and there

Despite all the weird gadgets MC ends up bringing him, and there are plenty out there, Barbatos's favorite is a ladle that looks like a stegosaurus.

It's far more whimsical than anything he would've ever picked out, and he'll never use it, but only because he's afraid of ruining it, not because he doesn't love it.

At some point, Barbatos does ask MC to stop bringing him kitchen gadgets

"Why? Do you not like them?" MC asks with a pout.

"I appreciate all of them, but I have everything I need when you're in the kitchen with me."

If MC wasn't already in love with him they are now

Smooth bastard just doesn't want anymore shit in his kitchen

[staygolddindjarin]

Grief

Chapter One: History

Din Djarin x Reader x a bunch of other star wars characters

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter Warnings: Oof this ones kinda angsty right off the bat- ⚠️ attempted suicide?? Kinda?? Age gap (reader is underage, but don't worry it's just for the sake of backstory and also there's no spicy, so...) mentions of death and afterlife, fluff if you like squint really hard

A/n: hello there... I'm sorry to inflict tumblr with this atrocity, but wattpad had to deal with it so tumblr can too. I wrote a different version of this on my wp with an OC name, but I know that not everyone cares for that so this won't include that. Also this series will be such a slow burn... prepare yourself ahead of time because it's going to be agonizing

Words: 6.3k+

SERIES MASTERLIST UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Part 1/?

"Pehea gar mar'eyir ni...."

How did you find me....

He came and sat beside me, the sound of metal scraping agaisnt the ground when he knelt first.

"Gar cuyir te shi solus tion'ad comes olar jii.  Ni kar'taylir gar jate'shya gar mirdir Ni vaabir," He responded.

You are the only one who comes here now. I know you better than you think I do.

I heaved a deep breath before letting it out in an exhausted sigh. Speaking in my native tongue was something I always appreciated, but now sitting here it felt nearly uncomfortable, but there was a reason for that.

"I wanted to be alone," The words from my mouth were no longer in my language, and he shifted beside me, trying to convey his confusion without a word.

"Care to elaborate?" He suggested, his asking tone was harsh... but then so was everything else about him.

I didn't really feel like explaning my feelings at the moment. I didn't want to focus on the very thing he was asking about. Even though he wasn't absolutely sure of what he was asking.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you," I trailed off.

"Try me." His voice wasn't any softer, but the sincerity he rarely showed had seeped into his tone.

"I really don't think it's a good idea. You really won't understand, and for all I know you could make things worse off for me than they already are," I didn't like it when he let his guard down around me. I didn't like getting closer to him, even though I was supposed to.

"I can't force you. Whatever it is, I wouldn't get myself too worked up," He sounded hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it was by my words. He was too strong to be wounded by such trivial things.

He moved in his seat, beginning to stand, and for some reason the thought of being alone like I had originally intended seemed like a horrible idea.

I reached out to grip his arm. I kept my gaze forward, knowing that even if I looked at him I could not see his eyes.

"Stay."

He didn't hesitate. He sat down again, and I no longer felt guilt for the hurt in his voice a moment prior.

We sat for a moment in silence, just looking over the cliffside, into the deep canyons that wove in between settlements and encampments of our tribes and clans.

"I don't want this life," I whispered. I had only half hoped he would be paying enough attention to hear me. My voice was soft enough that he might not have.

"What do you mean?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting the choice to even say what I did. I felt a shiver go down my arms, and I felt the wind come into the old open cavern, making the air around me chill. My arms were exposed, for I didn't expect the cold tonight. I didn't expect to be here this long.

"I'll turn sixteen in four days. I will either take the creed, or deny everything I've ever been taught. I'd leave if I do that," I finally gave a glance in his direction. He looked back at me, or at least the beskar did. I could never tell where his eyes were.

"You want to leave?" That pained tone of his voice had returned. The one I felt guilty for without actually believing I had done anything to cause it.

I did. I wanted to get off this planet. Away from the responsibility of becoming what everyone expected of me.

"I have to. It's the only way I will ever be at peace, but I'm not sure if I truly have the strength to stand in front of my family and deny the creed."

I could run away. I had some friends who were planning to jump a transport and join the rebellion against the empire.

They had offered me to be apart of this, but I had refused, believing that I would follow in my ancestors footsteps and take the creed. My father had already provided the beskar for my helmet to be made. It was already in the armourer's possession. All that was left was for me to come of age.

"Where did you go, just now?" He noticed my lack of attentiveness to my current reality, and brought me back to where I was. On the drafty cliffside, with my legs hanging over the end.

"Nowhere. I was just thinking about the future," I had admitted. Though I felt the need to stay emotionally distant from him, and not let myself develop a closeness, I knew I could trust him with my life, which is why I even revealed these things to him in the first place.

"What do you think your future will look like?" The tone that brought me guilt had again left his voice, but was replaced by something else... was it fear? I could not even think of theorizing that he could ever be scared. He was one of the bravest in his clan. Never had he shown an ounce of fear to anyone or anything. How stupid of me to even wonder.

"Merc and his crew are gonna stow away on a crate transport tomorrow. He has contact with the rebellion. He said that I could go with them if I was up for it," I looked down, almost embarrassed at admitting a plan of escape to someone so loyal to this place. Even though he wasn't born on this planet, and even though he wasn't a blood member of any tribe, the foundling was more of a mandalorian than I could ever be.

"You've agreed?"

"No. Not yet," I shook my head. I didn't feel like my reasons were valid. Having him sit beside me, and ask me these things made me realize that I needed to explain myself further.

"Din, I want to be free. I don't want to spend the rest of my life under a code that is so restricting to me, binding my every decision. Everything I'd do would have to be following after the creed."

He didn't respond, and even though his features were shrouded under the reflective surface of his beskar, I could tell he was thinking of something.

"I'm not yet sixteen, but when I am... I don't want to be locked down under a piece of metal. I don't want to have to be bound to this planet or a clan. I want to go some place far away and be something that is different than what everyone expects of me. I want to fight battles against the empire, I want to make my own rules. I want to be free to marry who I love, and not be betrothed to whoever my father chooses for me," I finished off my speech about freedom, but realized the last sentence too late. I should have chosen a better set of words.

Din's head hung down, looking at the wrist guards he wore. He shook his head back and forth and before I could interject, he began speaking.

"So that's why...." he trailed off. I was honestly too scared to say anything now. Why must I speak so bluntly and hurtfully honest to people? Perhaps it is because I had never gotten close to him that now I had no fear in what I said to his face.

"If the reason you plan to leave your family is because of me, then-"

"No," I said harshly, catching him off guard. I was usually snippy with others, but I had never before shown a tendency to be angry or intense with my speech. "Believe me, this has nothing to do with you."

"You have always shown enthusiasm towards coming of age. It's only now, when we are arranged, that you show any difference," He brought on certainty in his voice that I nearly couldn't deny, but the truth was... it really wasn't about him. "I can converse with your father, the rest of the clan... I will find a way to break it off if it will make you stay."

"Din, I don't want you to do that. If you don't believe me when I tell you that you are not the cause of this, then so be it, but I will not have you ruining your good name in my favor, when it won't even stop me," The heat of the moment provided actual, physical warmth for me in the time I was running my mouth off, but now that I had finished, and begun to calm down, I felt the freezing air on my arms again, wrapping them around myself and drawing my legs closer to generate more body heat.

"Are you cold?" He changed the subject, needing something- anything else to say.

"Its not exactly warm up here," My voice was low and sarcastic, but at hearing my words, Din stood up and stepped behind me. Before I even had a chance to ask him what he was doing, I felt his thick woolen cape being draped around my shoulders.

I smiled softly, not even a real, full smile. More of just a small tug from the side of my lips. My real smile was saved for later.

"Thank you."

He nodded as he sat back down, letting his legs fall over the cliffside.

"So you're gonna leave with them, aren't you?" His head turned to face me, but I couldn't dare try and stare at the beskar while thinking of what I would do. This choice was the beginning of the rest of my life.

"I think so," I didn't think. Thinking was what I had been doing too much of. Now I was certain. This was my choice. I was going to start new, and become something different. I may have been born on mandalore, but I was definitely not a mandalorian.

I had a rush of confidence come through me until I remembered what this meant. It all hit me like a dropship coming out of hyperspace. What was I thinking?

"No," I whispered. Din didn't understand my sudden discouragement, but he would soon.

"Merc and his friends already denied the creed. He's a foundling. They all are," I started to tear up as I realized what would happen to my family. The loss of a child in a clan is bad enough, but my family hadn't done anything to dessrve this. They were caring. They had shown me love. They had given me the best life I could ask for on a planet with such a religion.

"Second thoughts?" He asked genuinely, scooting closer beside me as to maybe get more information from my body language, or even my breathing.

"I can't do this. My family would be ruined. If I ran away, they would be punished for it," I felt tears coming up in my eyes. My clan was good to me. The people were kind, and I found solace there. Even if I had always dreamt about something bigger, I couldn't bear to let ruin come upon my family name. It wasn't fair to let that happen, especially when the only thing in the way was my own selfishness. "I can't leave my family."

I let the tears stream down my face, not even bothering to wipe them away. The contrast of the cold wind on my hot, tear streaked face had helped to calm me down a little.

"If you plan on staying, you understand that I am apart of your future here, don't you?"

"Din, I already told you before... you are not the reason I want to leave," I tried my best to keep myself together, but with my wet cheeks and red, puffy eyes, I didn't see how that could be an option.

What if there was another way to freedom?

I sat, trying to think of some stories that the other clan members would talk about.

"Din?"

He hummed in response, keeping his gaze on me.

"Has anyone in your clan ever mentioned afterlife?" I maybe should have taken a different approach to this. He seemed to be rendered speechless by my topic of conversation, but I had to ask.

"You mean after death?" He asked me and I nodded.

"I've heard some stories."

I thought about how it had been described to me. A paradise, with never-ending happiness, and unlimted freedom. Freedom.

"After you die, you appear in the world as another life. You can do whatever you want and no one has consequences for any of it. It's like a world without chaos. Everything is perfect," I remember every word as it comes out of my mouth. The words that were spoken to me, more like taught to me when I was a bit younger by the elders who had retired from their days of battle.

"It sounds too easy." He said, ripping me out of my fantasy.

"That's the point. You don't have to worry about anything or anyone, because you can do as you please, and everything will still be the same. All you have to do is die...."

"Like being reborn into a different world."

"Exactly."

I hesitated to take my safety blaster from it's holster under my hip, and when I did, I looked at it before pointing it out in the distance and testing the trigger. It shot a blast of lazer energy out into the air, landing somewhere beneath us in the canyon.

I decided that this was not an act to pursue at the moment, for Din was sitting right beside me, and the sight of watching a young girl pull the trigger against her own head might be an unpleasant one. Even for him, though he has seen worse.

I put the blaster back in it's holster and stand up from the rocky ground. Din follows suit, looking down at me with quiet concern. I wouldn't have known it until now, but I wondered if he had come to care for me at all during these last few weeks we had been betrothed.

I'd known him the majority of my life anyways, so I knew he must have felt some sort of attachment to me, but in what form, I hadn't ever cared to ask.

He kept breathing heavily as he looked down at me for a few moments, and it almost sounded like he wanted to ask me something. The question was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to utter the words.

"Here's your cape back," I slid the material off my shoulders, trying to hand it back to him, but he pushed it back towards me.

"You should keep it for now. The sun is nearly down, it will only grow colder."

He reached his gloved hand up to my face, and I could swear I felt the warmth of his hand beneath the coarse leather.

I only nodded, and leaned forward, trying to lean my head into him, but he carefully stopped me, his hands on my shoulders. Instead he rested his helmet against my forhead, and the cold beskar wasn't such a bad feeling as it rested there.

"I won't let you down. I promise." He said, clueless of my plans for later tonight, after the tribes were asleep, and no one would be at the cliffside.

"I know you won't. You're a good man, Din Djarin." I paused, trying to gather better words. "A true Mandalorian if there ever was one."

The moment didn't last any longer because of how frigid the air was becoming. It was warmer back with the tribes, they always had a fire burning.

Without another word, we both left the old artillery cavern and hiked down the side of the canyon to get back to our own clan territory.

Once I was at the edge of mine, I turned around to utter a simple goodbye, and found that he was very close behind me. His hand came up and rested on my shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

Maybe this was the last time we would see each other. Tonight I would envoke my plan to freedom, to rebirth. Perhaps we would meet in another life. Perhaps I would have just enough memory of this life to try and find him in the next one. One where I will have freedom.

Tonight I had gotten closer to the metal clad Mandalorian than I ever had before. I didn't regret it. He listened to what I had to say, and there were few who ever did.

His hand fell from it's place on my shoulder, but I didn't let him walk away yet. I pulled him into an embrace, feeling him tense up for a moment before reciprocating. It took him a few seconds to let out the breath he was holding in, but when he did, he found himself relaxing into the comfort.

"Goodbye, Din," My voice wasn't sad, or overly sensitive in any way. I figured it actually sounded quite optimistic.

"You know I'll see you tomorrow." He said, reminding me of the clan meetings. Once a month the clans would gather and each tribe would go over the agenda for whatever was to happen soon. Battles were normally discussed, but tomorrow, me and a few of the others in the other clans would be talked about. Our ceremonial coming of age where we would take the creed.

"Yeah... right. Don't come looking for me, I don't plan on showing up," I said quietly, careful in anyone was to hear me.

He pulled me back at arms length and looked at me, but his black blast shield hid his features and I could not tell if he thought I was crazy or not.

"How come?" His voice was also quiet, as we noticed some of my clan passing by to get to the fire.

"Don't worry about it. You'll still see me tomorrow," I lied. Or did I? Everyone within the five neighboring tribes would probably see me tomorrow.

He nodded, pulling us all the way apart and stepping back.

"Good."

He didn't look like he was gonna walk away until I had gone into the hub of my clan's small village. I turned around and walked towards the large fire, seeing my mother. Her helmet was unmistakable. The pattern of the strill engraved into the side of the beskar. It was her signet. A worthy kill of her days in battle. I would never have one. I walked towards her when she noticed me.

Her modulated voice let out a small chuckle, before I stepped beside her.

"It is well to see you spending time with Din Djarin. Me and your father were afraid you may not have been fond of him," She kept her gaze on the fire, speaking only loud enough for me to hear her, given that the other mandalorians of our village were also gathering around the fire, conversing with each other the same way we were.

"I am fond of him, why would I not be?" I was unsure of what she meant. Sure, I had been keeping a distance between us since my father had arranged our marriage, but I never had shown that I wasn't fond of him. I was polite, and gave him attention when it was asked of me.

"Whenever I or your father bring up the discussion of your eighteenth birthday, you always seem to act like it's the plague," She was smirking under her helmet, and I could tell. I could always tell what face she made underneath her metal covering.

"Maybe it's the fact that I dread getting married at all. I'm not opposed to Din, though," I convinced her. I wouldn't have to try and do that again after tonight.

"Whatever it is, your father will be pleased to know you and him were in each other's company. Although I will stray from telling him you two were alone... you were alone, weren't you?" She turned her metal covered head, trying to figure out from the look on my face.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, knowing there was no point in lying. No damage could be done at this point, except for maybe towards Din.

"And what were you both doing?" She tilted her head, and I let mine drop. I would tell her the truth, because nothing bad could come from it. Or could it.

"We were just talking... about the future," I answered.

"Your marriage..." She suggested, and I nodded, knowing that it did come up in the conversation.

"Yes."

"I shudder to ask if consummating was apart of this conversation," She looked back at the fire, knowing how red my cheeks would turn and how embarrassed I would be.

"No, nothing like that. I can promise you," I shivered at the thought. Din was a good man, but I didn't necessarily need to be letting thoughts like that intrude my mind.

Everyone else around the fire seemed to be distracted by the glowing flames, and my mother was soon the same, so I suggested my absense.

"I'm going to go in for the night, get some rest. Big meeting tomorrow..." I said before reaching out and squeezing her hand tightly.

She nodded to me, and I took my leave, walking towards our living quarters on the opposite side of camp.

I wasn't looking where I was going, and brushed my shoulder against Merc, who was with Gander and Shyloh.

"Sorry, didn't see you coming," I told him, but he shook his head, optiing ti ask me a question instead.

"Don't worry about it, I was looking for you anyway... Did you think about the offer? We leave at sunrise on the north delivery tarmac," He informed me, but I didn't have an answer. I wasn't staying here, but I wasn't leaving either.

"You'll know if I show up," I gave him a smirk, partially just because I was glad to see someone's actual face tonight, and not just a metal facade.

"We can't wait up for you, just know that."

I nodded, letting them get by. Maybe I could go with them. Live this life freely without starting another one.

No.

My family will not be able to handle that. It's better off if I'm dead. At least they won't go on to believe that I betrayed them, turning my back on all loyalty they had ever taught me. They would nevwr wonder if I ever loved them or planned on keeping their wishes.

I could start fresh. They wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. And I wouldn't have to worry anymore either. Rebirth.

I went straight to bed, clutching the woolen blanket beside me close to my chest.

For some reason I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. Something that made the sting of salty tears swell in my eyes. I knew that what I was doing was best, but yet I started having a hard time justifying something so drastic. They would get on fine without me, wouldn't they? They would go on living by the creed. This is the way. They will find a way to go on without me, like they did before I was born. Din will be arranged with another girl as soon as I'm gone. Everything will be alright.

The wetness that spilled over my eyes and down my face lasted hours, even though my mind kept telling itself that it was at peace.

It was in the dead of night, when I gathered a few of my belongings into a knapsack, throwing it over my shoulder before leaving out the tattered window of my private space.

I ventured to the canyon, with the moons lighting my way. The planet was never truly dark, due to the brightness and the number of shinning moons, all the color silver.

I set my knapsack down on the edge beside me. By the end of this, I would be at the bottom, waiting to be found the next day. I just hoped it wouldn't be anyone I knew. Of course, the number of people who ever came out here was only two. Me, and Din Djarin.

I hoped he wouldn't find me. I hoped it would be someone from another tribe that was flying over, and happened to spot something at the base of the cliffside.

I pulled my flask to my mouth, taking a large drink. A bit spilled onto my chin, and I wiped it off, feeling the breeze on my face. It was much colder now than earlier tonight. I wasn't sure if I should pull the blanket from my belongings and wrap it around myself, or skip the process of making myself comfortable and just get this over with.

I leaned over, looking straight at the ground, hundreds of feet below me. My heart started racing, and I got scared. Why shouldn't I be? I have every right to be absolutely terrified. I closed my eyes, trying to scoot myself over the edge inch by inch, seeing if I would just drop.

I nearly panicked when my bottom hit a crack in the ground and I thought I was going over. My breath hitched in my throat and I instantly pulled myself back.

"This isn't as easy as I thought it would be," I murmered, beginning to feel the emotional side of everything rise to the surface again. It didn't help that with the absolute silence that circled around me, I couldn't have any single thing to distract me.

I stood to my feet, wrapping my arms around myself to ease the goosebumps rising on my skin from the frigid air.

I stood right on the edge, lifting a foot over and leaning forward, but before I could fall, I again caught myself, the adrenaline working overtime in my system and beginning to heat me up.

That wasn't going to work either. If I could, I would put a blaster to my temple and pull the trigger, but then it wouldn't look like an accident.

I paced around back and forth a few times, trying to calm myself down, to stop the whimpering and to make my tears cease. It wasn't working. I just needed to get this over and done with. A new life, with endless possibilities was waiting for me on the other side. Freedom was on the other side.

I wiped my face, even though it didn't stop me from crying, but it helped me to see clearer. I backed up, into the cavern, all the way inside until my back hit the wall of the ex artillery carvern. This was it. A new beginning. Rebirth. New life. Freedom.

I ran as fast as I could toward the edge, my eyes closed. I could feel the wind blowing against me even harder with my speed, and I could tell the edge was drawing near. Every step I took, I felt as though it was my last one.

I finally felt my foot hit the edge, but then I never fell. Instead, I was tackled to the ground. Whoever landed on top of me was heavy enough to hold me down, because half of me was hanging off the edge of the cliff.

I didn't dare even open my eyes. This was a sign. Someone stopped me.

I clinged onto whoever it was, and knew almost instantly who was laid over me when I heard him groan.

I cried even harder, my head buried in his armor clad chest, and my arms around his neck and his torso.

He was holding me tightly, one hand cradled my head into his neck, and the other firmly gripped my waist. He rolled us both over and I swear I felt him shaking.

"What were you thinking?" He stressed, his grip on me tightening as if he was scared to let go. I was scared too. I didn't want him to let go.

"You have to talk to me..."

I heaved a deep breath, deep enough to steady my voice so my whimpering didn't interfere with my words.

"I want out. I need to get out," I cracked in the middle of saying so few words, but they conveyed the message I was trying to get through.

"I can get you out, I promise.... But please don't ever try that again," His voice was full of worry, and as I suspected, he was trembling in fear.

"I'm sorry..." I cried some more, realizing that what I had done was now the biggest mistake I ever made, even if I was saved.

"It's okay. You're okay. I've got you," He spoke to me, my voice quieting down as my sobbing came to a slow halt.

I lifted my face from where I had burrowed it into his neck, looking up at him. I didn't know what his expression was, but something told me it was fearful, and worrysome.

"I have to get out of here," I repeated again. The last day or so it became my mantra, and would leave my lips often, even just to myself. Mostly just to myself.

"You're going to. You're going with Merc... when are they leaving?" He asked, his arms still around me like mine were for him.

"At sunrise. They're gonna jump a delivery ship on the north tarmac," I explained, my voice was now hoarse and thick, due to not only all the crying I had done, but also the cold night air that had entered my lungs.

"Sunrise isn't for a few hours..." he let me know, and I nodded, knowing we shouldn't probably leave yet, for the walk to the north tarmac wasn't very long from here.

"Din, if I leave, my family is going to get the fire for my decision. I can't let that happen," I told him, my voice had become more firm, and I needed to convey the importance of how much this meant to me.

"I give you my word, that as long as I live, nothing will happen to your family," He swore, and I could just feel his eyes staring into mine. So much so that for the first time since he put that helmet on, I knew where his eyes were.

"I trust you. And I know that you'll always keep your word," I nodded, a small smile finally forming on my face.

Since it got fairly quiet, and we were still entangled together,  I scooted off of Din and opted instead to take the seat beside him.

"I should tell you some things before I go. I just don't want to leave anything unresolved," I admitted, and he stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I know this might sound horrible, but I hated the idea of getting too close to you. It was like if I had formed an emotional bond with you, I wouldn't be able to leave anymore. And the last thing on my mind had been to stay. I've wanted freedom for a while now, I was just always too scared to say anything. And when my father told me that you and him had come to an agreement for arranging a marriage.... it's like it all became more real to me. My freedom would be taken in just days. The creed of mandalore is sacred, and it's truly an amazing thing... but it isn't for everyone."

He sat and took everything in. All the words that just spewed from my mouth like I had been holding them in for ages went against everything I had ever learned. Everything that had ever been put into my mind was the opposite of what I wanted.

"You're young. You want more than what the creed can offer you. I think you'll be able to find what you want wherever you're going," He said, I knew there was more, for he didn't even mention anything that I had said about not wanting to be close to him, but when he stayed silent, I knew he was finished, and that I still had more to say.

"Din, I wanted to tell you that if I had to be married, I wouldn't have minded it being you," I admitted. I would leave no stone unturned before I was to just pick up and leave forever... maybe not forever, maybe someday I would return to my family, to Din.

"I can't say I don't feel the same," He seemed to become stiff next to me, but I soon found the reason when he suddenly reached for my hand with his gloved one.

I took it proudly, intertwining our finhers together.

"You know, I was only an eight year old kid when you took the creed. I have so many memories of you yourself, but whenever I recall them... I can't see your face. I've completely forgotten what you look like," I laughed a bit, though it was quite a sad thing actually. I could not remember him in a way that wasn't covered in metal. I remembered that he was a boy once, and that he would play with all the younger children in the clan set next to his. He played with me and the kids I lived next to. He was a lively, energetic boy. Always doing something... sometimes causing mischievous acts. He was so different now. But the change wasn't bad. Since he'd taken the creed he has been the most noble, fearsome, and trustworthy member of his clan. Completely honorable in every sense of the word.

"I don't look like I used to. It wouldn't do you any good to remember anyways," He chuckled under his helmet, and it brought a smile to hear the melodic sound.

"Well, if I'd stayed long enough to marry you I would find out for myself," I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling comfort by his presence. If I had made the absolute decision to leave this planet earlier, I could have let myself grow a relationship with him. Romantic or not, he was easy to talk to, and I trusted him. He was a friend to me, and I never imagined more, but now his presence was just something that put me at such ease.

"Do you think you'll ever come back?" He pondered, seeing as just the tiniest moonrays shown down into the canyon ahead.

"Someday. I'll comeback and repay you."

"For what?"

"Saving my life," I replied. My attempt to throw my own life away had been pushed away but I had to bring it up. I owed him my life.

"Anyone would have done the same if they had seen," He insisted, and I shook my head.

"How did you even know I was out here?" My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked for an explanation.

"I couldn't sleep, I took a walk through Ronion until I found myself here. I saw you across from the mesa on the south side... I saw you lift your foot over the edge, I knew what you were trying to do," He said, his grip on my hand got tighter almost instantly.

"Thank you. If you hadn't been there, I would be at the bottm of this canyon." I let so much seriousness onto my voice, and it didn't sound like me.

"Don't thank me yet... not until I get you on the tarmac,"

We sat in silence after that, just looking out over the horizon. When the slightest bit of light hit the edge of the planet, we stood to our feet, gathering my knapsack and begining the journey to the north delivery tarmac.

We were there in no time, and before I could even look for them, Merc and his crew were in sight. They were all sitting with their backs against some cargo imports, waiting for the transport to arrive.

"Well, well, well... look at what the shriek hawk dragged in," Shyloh said, gesturing to me and Din.

"Djarin, I didn't expect to see you here," Merc raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"I'm just here to make sure she gets onto the transport safely," He assured them. I looked out of the corner of my eye, and in the brighter horizon I was able to see a cargo ship coming into the landing area.

"Our rides here," I said, and they all jumped up. Since the ships were automatically run, and don't even require droids, it was often very easy to hop aboard and be carried to another destination. Of course, there were only a few who ever wanted to leave.

I myself hadn't ever left Mandalore, neither had I traveled much even on the planet. Only a few trips to visit the the markets with my father. I never even went into the city, for it was told that in the city lived Mandalorians who did not keep the creed. The tribes were convinced that they hadn't actually ever taken the oath, and just wore the armor for the sake of doing it.

The ship's doors opened, pulling me out of my thoughts, and a conveyer belt folded down to let the cargo units be carried out onto the tarmac for later pickup.

"Alright, it's time to head out," Gander said, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder and boarding the transport.

The rest followed after him, but I still had one thing left to do. 

Din looked at me, waiting for me to join the others, but I came close to him one last time.

"You promise my family will be taken care of?" I asked, to which he simply answered with a firm nod. However the look on my face gave him reason to believe that his answer wasn't good enough, so he spoke instead.

"I give you my word. If they are not taken care of, I will let you strike me dead where I stand."

That was good enough for me. He truly meant it. He was a man of his word.

I pulled his head toward mine, resting ny forehead against his in a traditional mandalorian kiss. I pulled back when I heard my name being called from the transport.

"Goodbye, Din Djarin," I told him.

He didn't respond, he just let me go, watching intently as I boarded the ship before the doors closed.

The cargo transports were always on schedule, so as soon as the doors closed, it began lifting into the air. I looked out through the transparent view finder on the side, watching him stand as we began moving out of sight.

"You gonna miss him?" Shyloh asked, his brows furrowing as if he were sorry for me.

"Yes, I suppose I will."

I lost sight of Din, and realized we were leaving the atmosphere most likely preparing for a jump to hyperspace.

"But I'll see him again."

.

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Tags are open ig...

A/n: please don't get too caught up in the age gap y'all it's just for backstory purposes because this story is eventually going to follow canon events.... (also i know that this doesn't really portray Mandalore correctly, but let's pretend it does because i had this idea)