#I wish I was joking but I started crying at the hospital when they had to inject sth and it hurt a LITTLE lol welp

[mrkgrl]

Orange and blue as voted by my followers.

[chr0llossexygf]

IN RUINS 2

PAIRING: spencer reid x fem reader

SUMMARY: spencer reid has always had something against you. during a particular case, spencer snaps and says something he shouldn’t have said leaving you in ruins. but what happens when your in danger and he still hasn’t explained why he reacted the way he did. will he have the time?

IMPORTANT COMMENT!!!!: hi my pumpkin cupcake stinky wonky pookie bears. IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN A FRAUD! 💔💔 jokes but I’m rlly sorry I haven’t been writing for the past months ive been to the hospital multiple times and also had someone close to me pull a ‘I’m dead’ card on me and then I was oh! BUT I think I’m okay I think I’m better and I’ll start posting more I have a lot of ideas but tbh this one was a draft before allat happened so it’s shit but and I wanted to get rid of it cus it js reminded me of everything that happened before 😭 BUT I’m rlly rlly sorry ITS SO LATE

" why is your mom calling you she hasn't called you in 7 months " scott anderson says rubbing his face repeatedly his fingers shaking, his other hand is in a fist digging his nails in the palm of his hand. he walks away from jj who's tied up on the floor with her feet and hands wrapped in rope. the grip on your phone tightens.

" she's calling me because it was my aunts birthday scott." you say looking at scott in the eyes. he stands up biting his nails. " your lying to me." he says walking to you, his eyes dark. you wish his eyes at-least looked like they had nothing behind them, but his eyes definitely have something behind them.

his eyes look determined. they looked commited. and he’s looking at you. your eyes widen. your hands become sweaty. you take a step back. “ i’m not lying to you scott.” you respond back gently shaking your head. you raise your eyebrows softly smiling at him. “ i wouldn’t lie to you scott.” you say the grip on your hand tightening to the point where your hand is shaking.

his gaze softens for a second, his eyes aren't so dark now. his eyebrows soften. " you wouldn't lie to me y/ n?" he whispers gently walking up to you. you nod gulping, " ¡ wouldn't lie to you scotty" you whisper smiling. he smiles. taking another step towards you. you take a deep breath in.

"y-your doing a great job y/n" spencer's shaky voice speaks into the phone. it's the only thing keeping you sane right now. he sounds nervous. you can hear him gulp repeatedly. he's stuttering a lot right now. he's probably blinking a lot. a habit he has when he's nervous. a habit you've absorbed from afar. " your doing a really really great job y/n. i'm so proud of you." no he shouldn't have said that. he should not have said that. he shouldn't have said that. you tear up. why are you tearing up? you can't tear up right now. not right now. please not right now.

your throat feels heavy. your heart feels heavy. a part of you feels funny. your ears feel funny, never having heard those words before. your brain is trying to process the words. it can't process them. it's funny though. no matter how much insane messed up stuff you've heard on the job none of it really ever seemed to take a toll on you. but hearing those 5 words. it's taking a toll on you. and it's not the right time. why are they so triggering. what are they triggering? the inner child inside of you who never got to hear those words? the teen inside of you who never got to hear those words? or is it adult you who still hadn't heard those words up until now? it's too much. why are you tearing up?

“ why are you crying.” scott says. something in his eyes has changed. oh god. his eyes darken. his eyebrows tighten. he’s shaking his head smiling. “ what is your mom saying? why is she making you cry? do you want me to kill her?” he says with pleading eyes smiling. he’s taking a step towards you. “ or are you not talking to your mom right now…” he mumbles. your eyes widen. you shake your head. “ or…your not calling your mom you bitch!” he shouts taking another step towards you. you don’t have time to react. he grabs you by the neck slamming you against the wall. his hand tightens around your neck.

you choke on your words. the tears that gathered up finally start to fall. your free hand wraps around scott's arm thats choking you. you repeatedly hit his arm. " please stop." you plead shaking your head. his grip tightens on your neck. " your a liar. your just like him." he spits his gaze darkening. he grabs your phone throwing it across the room. it knocks over a glass vase.

"¡'m not like him." you choke out shaking your head. " shut up! yes you are!" he shouts in your voice, spit getting on your face.

" let her go!" ji shouts from the floor. her voice cracks mid sentence. probably due to fear. watching you struggle is affecting her. just watching you struggle makes her feel as though she is the one struggling.

scott turns his head around. " what did you just say?" he says slowly releasing you. you take a deep breath in. you look at scott. another wave of fear hits you. what's he gonna say to jj? what's he gonna do to jj? she shouldn't have said anything. she should've kept quiet. he can't hurt her. you have to do something.

" i said let her go. you can't hurt her. she's what you want right? you can't hurt her. why would you hurt someone you love?" jj says her eyes darting between you and scott. to scott she looks desperate, to you. you know what jj's trying to say with her eyes.' we will be fine. seeing ji look at you like that. a rush of adrenaline hit you. you have got to do something. why are your hands so weak. why do you feel as though you don't have control of your body. why do you feel as though you can't control anything. damn it.

" you show love by hurting the ones you love." he whispers. you slowly reach for the gun in your pocket, trying not to alert him. and god is it hard " y/ n would know." he says chuckling. your so close to the gun. " isn't that right y/n?" he turns around to look at you. he sees your hand. he sees the hand thats reaching for the gun. he grabs your gun. your hand immediately forms into a fist, you punch him in the jaw. he falls back. holding his jaw. " you bitch!" he shouts.

you run to jj. you drop down to your knees. your shaky hands immediately start to undo the knots of the rope. "jj you need to get out." you say out of breathe. your trembling hands making it harder to undo the rope quickly. " no- what. y/n dont. i'm not leaving without you. the team is coming t-they're on their way y/n. ji says shaking her head in denial. her hands are untied. " god jj! i always follow your orders! just follow mine! just this once." you snap back moving onto her legs. you untie her. " get out of here now jj! he wont hurt me jj. hes obsessed with me he wont. trust me." you say nodding.

jj hasn't been a profiler for a long time. anyone else on the team would've called you out for your bullshit right now. if he wanted to hurt you. he definitely would. he would do anything to get you to be obedient. he could probably kill you if he wanted to. but jj doesn't know that. she thinks he's just a stalker who's obsessed with you and probably wouldn't seriously harm you. but you know unsubs like him all too well.

ji stands up running to the door. she opens the door. she turns to look at you again. you look at her and smile. " just go." you mouth. she quickly nods running out and closing the door. a wave of relief washes over you. jj is fine. jj is okay. jj is safe. he can't hurt jj anymore.

your not fine. your not okay. your not safe. he can keep hurting you. you turn around. he's standing right behind you. he's looking down at you. he's standing tall. his eyes are on you. his expression is dark. his eyes are empty. not a single thought behind his eyes. you were wrong. his eyes without a single thought behind them is scarier. because now you know, there's nothing really stopping him. there's no determination. there's no commitment. there's absolutely nothing behind those eyes. those eyes that are just about to do you harm.

“ me looking down on you…does this remind you of anything?” he says tilting his head to the side smiling. you shake your head. but oh boy do you know exactly what he’s talking about. your dad. “ oh right sorry. let me do something that will surely make you remember.” he says chuckling. he crouches down. he punches you right in the eye, your left eye. the one with the healed over stitches. you stiffen at his touch. not just because your scared of him. yeah of course your scared of him. but also because you’ve never had someone touch you in such an intimate place. you’ve never had someone grab your cheek and gently caress your scars.

he starts laughing. " oh my god let me see that" he gently grabs your cheek. tilting your head up towards him. he runs his finger on the scar. " he did that didnt he?" he whispers gently rubbing the scar. " he gave you this scar didnt he? i read it.. in one of your hospital records. he gave you this 2 weeks before he left right?" he whispers gently caressing the scar. your shaky hands reaches for his cheek.

he stiffens at your touch. he's just like you. " he gave this to you..right?" you whisper, gently caressing the cut on his lips. scott nods. " you and me.we are the same y/n. we both grew up in the same households. we both put up the same abuse. we..we are meant for each other y/n. your meant for me. and i'm meant for you." he whispers caressing your cheek gently. you nod.

" yeah.yeah we belong together." you mumble nodding gently.

i thought so too..until i saw a picture of you and your co worker spencer reid together." he whispers softly still smiling. your eyes widen. " w-what." you mumble. he chuckles, " yeah.i saw a picture of you two together. it was when you and your team were working that case in chicago." he whispers tightening his grip on your cheek. you shake your head.

" s-spencer? spencer reid? he-he means absolutely nothing to me." you say gently reaching for his hand. " don't lie to me." he whispers tearing up. " i'm not lying to you scott." you whisper rubbing your thumb gently against his arm. " your lying to

me. all you do is lie. your just like him." he whispers tears rolling down his cheeks. " i'm not like him scott." you whisper shaking your head, trying to calm him.

" your just like him.you lying bitch." he shakes his head standing up, forcefully pulling you up with him. his fingers dig deeply into your cheeks, surely 100% going to leave a mark. but who cares at this point.

" scott just listen to me-' he cuts your desperate cries with a punch to the mouth. you fall down to the floor, on purpose however. you want him to think your weak. your worn out. he can easily control you. he can easily throw you around like a rag doll. so he can feel some sense of confidence and have a sense of control. something he probably never experienced.

"i'm not listening to you. now you listen to me. you... you listen to me y/n. we are both the same person. we deserve absolutely nothing. we deserve everything our fathers did to us-"

" you know that's not true scott." someone speaks up from behind scott. their voice is strong and stern. it brings you comfort. never would you have thought, laying on the floor with blood dripping down your chin that the sound of someone's voice would bring you comfort. your heart feels warm. you can feel the familiarity of having control over your body come back. you smile. how could you be smiling at a time like this? your smiling. really hard while looking down at the floor. you refused to look up at scott. you refuse to do so.

because deep down you know you would be staring at the version of yourself that's buried deep inside you. that part inside you that keeps you wondering everyday, if you didn't take the path you took would you be like that. would you have done the same thing he had done? what makes him so different from you. just because you carry an id that gives you power over any normal civilian and a gun that's supposed to protect you and others. that doesn't make you any different though. because even though you have those things, you still think like scott. what if you truly don't deserve anyone in this world that would treat you with respect? what if you truly deserve someone as messed up as fucked up ad you are? because then they wouldn't understand right? they wouldn't understand how your mind works. but..like scott said. you probably deserve someone like scott, someone so sick and twisted-

why are you like this. why are you taking his words to heart. are you really that desperate and pathetic that you start taking an unsubs words to heart just because he shared an intimate moment with you. why? is it because you never in your life had experienced something like that and now you yearn for it? you start to believe every word he's said. your so naive. and your so vain. how can you be so gullible. why are you the way that you are. none of what scott said is true. none of it, absolutely none of it.

your too preoccupied with your brain breaking you down too notice two people coming over to you. your zoning out. your thinking hard. really hard. something like this requires a lot of thinking. but it shouldn't though. your supposed to just shrug off his words. not pay any mind to them. he's a mentally ill unsub who's murdered 5 women. nothing he says should make you reason with his thinking. there's nothing to reason with. he's insane. your not insane. your not insane. your just a girl who's seen some insane things.

" hey. your okay. i got you." morgan says gently grabbing you by the arms. "i got you y/n." he whispers picking you up gently. you stand up looking at the wall infront of you still zoned out. " hey y/n." emily pats your shoulder gently tilting her head to the side looking at you with such pain. you shake your head and look at both of them. " hi emily." you respond looking at emily blinking repeatedly. " hey you." she says smiling. " we've gotta get you to the ambulance come on y/n." morgan says wrapping his arms around you, pushing you into him.

" j-i don't need medical care morgan." you say trying to push your heavy head away but finding it way too hard. he feels too comfortable. too comforting. he feels too nice. his cologne smells masculine. really masculine. why is it comforting? why does it bring you comfort? you close your tired eyes for a second. " hey hey don't close your eyes on me I/n." morgan says tilting his head around to take a look at you, you shake your head softly. " i'm not dying morgan." you groan.

emily chuckles. " morgan's probably enjoying this." emily says wrapping up arm around her shoulder helping you walk, " cant have derek enjoying himself too much we all know how cocky he'll get and how high his ego will sky rocket." emily adds on looking at you smiling. her words make you chuckle. a painful chuckle. when your lips curve to let out a laugh a wave of pain washes over your face. "ow ow." you chuckle closing your eyes. morgan shakes his head,

"yeah you wish you can have a bit of this ego." morgan replies.

rossi opens the house door. his eyes immediately look to you. " it's alright i've got her." he says running to you. " derek go take care of reid he's in the ambulance." rossi says putting his gun away. morgan slowly and gently lets you go. rossi quickly replaces morgan. your head immediately shoots up. that hurt. you didn't even know you could do that. why did your head shoot up so quickly? just a second ago you were leaning into morgan for support because you couldn't bare to hold your head up and now suddenly you have all the energy in the world to shoot your head up.

"w-wait whys reid in the ambulance?" you ask your eyes wide, your pretty sure your eyes are half closed though. you can't bare to hold them open. you can already feel your left eye bruising. you can taste blood in your mouth. and you know there's blood dripping down from your eyebrows, from the healed over stitch. rossi and emily push you forward helping you walk. why aren't they answering you? what happened to reid? whys he in an ambulance? is he injured? what's wrong with spencer? what happened to spence? " i think that's a question he should answer." rossi says. what does that mean?

your quickly brought out of the house, thank god. you feel like if you spent another second in there you would go ballistic and break down crying. your heads down, your too tired. you see a pair of shoes infront of you. who's shoes are those? who is that? and why did they stop right infront of you? it's not spencer. spence would never wear those shoes. he was wearing converse earlier. dark blue converse. why do you remember all of this? don't you have some sort of concussion? how do you remember what pair of shoes spencer wore? god...

you feel emily and rossi's grip weaken around you. the unfamiliar person infront of you reaches forward and takes you. they lead you away from rossi and emily. your too tired to even care. they lean you against them. " where's...what's wrong with dr spencer reid?" you mumble stumbling in their hood barely having the energy to hold yourself up. " it's alright i°ve got you. here." they sit you down on something. there's bright red lights flashing around you. an ambulance.

" ma'am i'm gonna get an IV bag started is that alright with you?" the medic asks opening a cabinet. you nod your head hazily. you lean your head against the walls of the ambulance. he takes your arm rolling your sleeve up. you feel the soft pinch. your thankful for it though. it's stopping you from dissociating and falling asleep. you don't wanna fall asleep until someone tells you why spencer is in an ambulance. why do you care for him? why do you care for him after everything's he said- oh right. after what he's said. why do you care for him after he just publicly embarrassed you? that's so stupid. why are you so pathetic and desperate. did he publicly embarrass you? half of the team probably already knew. it's not that hard to figure out. it’s probably why you are the way that you are. they’re profilers. of course they would figure that out. what he said was true. they all probably agree. oh god..

" let me go! let me go! i don't need medical attention she needs it more than me! let me see her!" you hear a voice shout from the distance, you recognise it. your heartbeat quickens. not like earlier though. not in the way your heartbeat quickened earlier. that was in fear. no. this. this is in relief. your stomach starts to stir. in nervousness. your still leaning your head against the wall, but your looking down. your hair covering your face. you stop hearing his voice.

" ma'am i need you to lift your head up." the medic says gently placing a tray next to you, a tray your guessing is full of medical supplies and alcohol. you softly nod your head sitting up. the medic grabs one of the medical instrument opening the wrapping. he moves to the side to quickly put on gloves.

“ oh my god y/n..” you hear him say your name, in so so much pain. he sounds so upset. is he in pain? why does he sound so upset. what happened to him. is he okay. you look up. you see him. you look into his eyes. and suddenly all the words he’s said earlier rush buck into your clouded messy mind. but they don’t hurt as much. your so used to men blurting out hurtful words to you and you having to get over them, what else do you do? ask them to apologise? expect them to apologise?

no. they don’t do that. they’ve never done that. best thing to do is just get over it, because you probably deserve it right? that’s what you were taught.

he looks tired. his eye bags look darker than what they usually would look like. his hair is messier then usual. the two buttons on his dark blue vest are unbuttoned. he’s wearing his fbi vest. his dark blue pants have wet stains on the side of them. your guessing because he would repeatedly wipe his sweaty hands on them. a habit he has when he’s nervous.

he looks into your eyes. he sees the bruise that's already forming in your eye. the trail of blood rolling down your eyebrow from what he can see, that scar you have. you have blood rolling down the side of your face. your neck is red. an imprint of a hand already appearing. his heart hurts. it hurts so much. seeing you like this. but how dare he right?

how dare he feel pain in his heart? the pain your feeling physically and mentally is probably 10x worse than what he’s feeling. he wishes he was feeling it though, he wishes that right in this second all your pain would be transferred to him. add it on to his pain. he feels so guilty. you don’t deserve this. this is his fault. this is his fault. this is all his fault. your never gonna look him in the eye again. whenever you do your gonna remember this day. and how much pain he put you through. he hates it. he hates it so much. he hates himself so much.

"y-y/n." he's out of breath. he doesn't know where to start. he didn't have time to think of an apology, spending the entire car ride panicking nervous about you and wether you were safe or not. but now he can't think of anything.

he can't think of anything when looking into your eyes, the only thing he's thinking of is how badly he wishes he can go back in time and prevent all of this from happening. or make all of this happen but only put himself in your shoes. make him go through all this pain instead of you. You don't deserve this. you don't deserve him. you don't deserve his stupid apology that's about to come, that is if he can even muster up an apology right now. you deserve so much better than him.

"y/n i'm so sorry." spencer starts shaking his head his eyes wide. he can't think of anything. his iq of 187 has suddenly dropped down to 20. spencer who seemed to never stop his rambling suddenly can't think of a single thing to ramble on. you just made him stupid. and not in the way it's supposed to be. you make him stupid when you smile at him. not like this. he can't think of anything. he doesn't know where to start. he shakes his head.

" god can't you do your job!" spencer snaps grabbing a medical wipe and pouring saline solution on it. he stands infront of you. his angry demeanour quickly vanishes once his infront of you. something just hit him. he freezes infront of you. it's like all the color, the little color he already had in his face has drained.

you look at him in confusion. all though your upset at him it doesn't stop you from caring and growing concerned. " w-what?" you say blinking repeatedly looking at him. hes still looking at you. his lips part. he blinks repeatedly. he shakes his head.

"i-i'm just..i got scared." he stutters his voice cracking. " why?" you ask tilting your head to the side. " i'm scared your gonna flinch once i touch you." he replies quickly. really quickly. any normal person wouldn't catch it. but you did. vou've learnt to keep up with spencer's quick rambling. oh. oh. whys he so considerate? y/n stop. you can think that. you look down at your thighs. unable to think of anything to say. if he did touch you. would you have flinched? would you have reacted? you don't know. but spencer's not him. right?

" i'm not gonna flinch spencer." you say looking up at him. he nods his head gulping, "a-alright." he says. he lifts his shaky hand up. he gently dabs the medical wipe on your cut. disinfecting it. ouch it burns. your nails dig into the palm of your hand. his eyes are stuck on the cut. the scar. he knows where it's from. he might've been with garcia when she did her usual background snooping on new members of the team 2 years ago. he remembers how guilty he felt after it. finding out about such a dark part of your life without your knowledge or permission.

but that guilt doesn't compare to the guilt he's feeling right now. he feels tremendously guilty, he caused the scar to re open. all because of his foolishness. if he just shut his mouth earlier and wasn't such a smart ass. if he maybe was the one to go with you to scott anderson's house and not jj he would've been able to protect you. he probably would've shot scott anderson the second he would've laid his hands on vou.

he doesn't trust himself aorund vou. atleast not from the harm of unsubs and has the need to shoot any of them if they ever did you harm. he would probably lose his job. if he was there he probably would've lost his job. but he doesn't care. for your safety. he doesn't care.

" i'm so sorry y/n-" you can feel the medical wipe shake on your eyebrow, from spencer's shaky hands.

" it's fine spencer." you mumble looking into his eyes. is it fine though? is it really fine? whys he apologising? he's not supposed to be apologising right? this is new. this is so very new. they never apologise after hurting you. this is so unfamiliar? how are you supposed to react? do you tell them how you really feel? do you immediately accept their apology? they never apologised to you when they hurt you. whys spencers apologising? what do you say?

" it's not fine y/n. i-i hurt you. i c-caused this." he says spitting his words out in a shaky manner. what do you say or do? you've never made it this far whenever something similar to this happened in the past.

" spencer it's fine. i shouldn't have egged you on earlier anyways-" why are you taking the blame. y/ n stop. it's not your fault. it never is your fault when something like this happens. y/n please. it's not your fault. stop taking the blame. his heart aches even more. his throat feels heavy. who hurt you like this? who broke your heart like this? who messed up your image of love like this? who hurt you this bad. he hates them. he hates them for making you like this.

" y/n i know you have the personal need to justify everything i've said but y/n stop, just stop. i hurt you okay. and even though saying that out loud and accepting the fact that i said that it thr worst thing i've ever done in my entire life it's nothing compared to what you felt when i said that. i don't wanna be like him y/n. i don't wanna be him. i don't want you to think i can be him. i don't want you to see him everytime you see me y/n. because that would kill me even more. y-you don't have to talk to me anymore y/n i just don't want you to flinch or have this horrible feeling of rememberence whenever you see me. please just.. just don't take the blame for this because it's my fault. this entire thing was my fault and i put you through this y/n. you don't deserve this. i'm really sorry.”

spencer rambles. trying to push the heavy feeling in his throat away. he can't cry. he doesn't deserve to cry right now. he's nervous though. he's nervous about what your gonna say. he doesn’t have the right to feel nervous though. he should accept whatever it is. he did this to himself. whatever the outcome is. he just hopes you don’t have a sense of fear wash over you whenever you look at him and get memories of this day. that is if you ever look at him after this day.

no one's ever said that to you. you feel your tired eyes tear up. your about to cry. oh no. spencer panics. does he comfort you? do you even want his comfort? he doesn't deserve to touch you, he thinks. he drops the medical wipe.

" n-no please don't cry. ill go call

over emily or jj or morgan or hotch just p-please dont cry. i'll go-" it physically aches him to leave you like this. but he has to. he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable. he just made you cry. you must really hate him. he understands though. he just wishes you understand how sorry he is. but you probably will never know. because you probably don't expect him to feel sorry, you probably think he's faking it. he just needs you to understand that he's not him. he's not your dad. spencer actually feels sorry. he feels so so sorry for everything he's done and said. but you had to put up with years of your dad taking apologises you probably don't believe his. he hates himself.

you stand up. you barely have room to think clearly before a tear rolls down your cheek. spencer immediately removes his fbi vest, you bury your head against spencer's chest. you wrap your hands against his chest. he doesn't wrap his hands around you though. he's scared to touch you. your not sobbing. your too tired to sob. you just let tears slowly roll down your cheeks. " your not him spencer." you say out loud. spencer's heart skips a beat. he slowly wraps his hands around you. " i'm still mad at you. you shouldn't have said that earlier. b-but i forgive you spence." you mumble against his chest. he shakes his head, " you shouldn't forgive me y/n. your supposed to be mad at me. your supposed to be yelling at me. or-or hitting me." he says.

" i am mad at you spencer." you say pulling your head away wiping the tears.

"alright. good." he says

looking down at you. " oh god- im sorry that was stupid i shouldn't have hugged you-" you immediately start apologising shaking your head. you immediately sit back down. oh god your so stupid. why did you just hug him? your so embarrasing oh god. did you feel the need to hug spencer because you just needed to make sure that spencer wasn't him.

not that you would know what your dads embrace would feel like. but you just needed to make sure.

" no please don't apologise. d-do you mind if i sit next to you?" spencer asks pointing at the space next to you. you look at him and slowly nod your heart. he sits next to you. " once ive healed i'm yelling at you spencer." you say looking down at your legs, your tired eyes aching. " alright." spencer says nodding. you should yell at him. and you will. he had no right. but your too tired right now. you just hope. you really really hope that spencer doesn't spiral once your back in quantico and probably will forcefully be taken into the hospital by emily and jj. you really hope he doesn't drown himself in guilt and spiral. why are you so caring? does spencer care about you the way you care about him? that's foolish right? he wouldn't right? does he feel his heart quicken when he sees you? does he care the way you care? that's stupid god y/n you probably have a concussion just shut up.

yeah how stupid y/n. because if you knew the way spencer cared about you or the way his heart quickens when he sees you. you wouldn't believe it. it will take time though. it will take time for you to believe it. he's willing to work hard during that time. he just hopes you know even the slightest bit. but he wont say anything right now. you've already been through enough. he wont say anything for a while. though when the time is right. maybe you'll finally know how much he cares about you. for now, he'll settle for this just for now. until he can gain your trust back and make his feelings known. he'll settle for this. because just being next to you makes him happy.

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A/n: just a little peak at y/n private ig account...

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liked by lilymhe, landonorris, susie_wolff and 43 others

noty/n.wolff it all started when my mom met my dad, they fell in love, and they had me! hi, i'm ryan... dude, those are my parents, I came from them, talk about winner genes...

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alex_albon you did not inherit they height though...

↳noty/n.wolff your opinion is irrelevant...

↳charlesleclerc midget😊

↳noty/n.wolff i going over there to cry on my many grand slam trophies from my many wins, comforted in the fact that I'm still number one in the world, not that you guys know what this feel like...

↳charlesleclerc uncalled for...

↳noty/n.wolff don't come for my height and I won't come for your lack of wins🙂

↳landonorris ankle biter

↳noty/n.wolff i am going to ignore you

Aug 12th 2022

liked by lilymhe, landonorris, francisca.cgomes and 65 others

(tagged: francisca.cgomes; charlottesiine; elizaabrams; cassandra.blanchard; benshelton)

noty/n.wolff men ain't shit, like the goddess cher once siad, man are like dessert, you don't need them... stick to your girls (+benny)

btw pierregasly, thank u for introducing me to kika, i think i am keeping her😘

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francisca.cgomes you can keep me😍

↳pierre gasly wait a minute...

↳noty/n.wolff💍alexa play boyfriend by dove cameron

Oct 30th 2022

liked by lilymhe, francisca.cgomes, landonorris, susie_wolff and 52 others

noty/n.wolff go shawty, it's your birthday, we gon' party like it's your birthday... congrats landito! you manage to survive for 23 years, and i am so proud of you! there were a few close calls(at least a few that i witnessed) but you made it! i hope you feel blessed and special, not everyone gets a appreciation post from yours truly🤍

jokes aside...happy birthday lan, i wish you a world of happiness, because you deserve it, thank u for making my life happier by being in it 🤍 we have been in each others lives for nearly fifteen years now, here to more fifteen, i hope you know, through thick and thin, i will always be by your side 🤍😘

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lilymhe I love the third photo, who took it??

↳francisca.cgomes I thought the same when I saw the fourth photo

↳noty/n.wolff 😘

alex_albon just friends, she says

↳georgerussell63 the best of friends, she says

↳alex_albon we are being ignored

↳georgerussell63 I noticed

landonorris❤️❤️❤️

↳noty/n.wolff 🤍🤍🤍

Nov 13th 2022

liked by carlossainz55, francisca.cgomes, landonorris, susie_wolff and 49 others

noty/n.wolff last trip of the year before going home for christmas, touring with local carlossainz55, Madrid may have become one of my favorite cities in the world, thank you the Sainz family for welcoming me and for the 5⭐hospitality, congrats on the newlyweds, beautiful wedding a wish you guys a long and happy life together🤍

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carlossainz55 come back whenever you want

Dec 9th 2022

liked by lilymhe, landonorris, susie_wolff and 43 others

noty/n.wolff Merry Christmas folks🤍

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Dec 25th 2022

noty/n.wolff half a century + 1 looks good on you🤍 the man who always encouraged me to follow my dreams and do twice as much to make them come true, who never let me give up, and who, even though he couldn't physically be present, never lost any of my matches. #1 dad in the world, best team principal in F1, a example to be followed, I honestly could not wish for a better father.

love u daddy. happy birthday🤍

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susie_wolff you made him emotional

elizaabrams girl sometimes I forget that your dad is the king of dilfs...

(liked by lilymhe, susie_wolff and francisca.cgomes)

noty/n.wolff 👀

Jan 12th 2023

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taglist:@myescapefromthislife | @kapsylia | @biitch-with-wifi |@vicurious28 | @minkyungseokie | @asfaraslifegets

[temis-de-leon]

Day 21 - Comforting while crying kiss

Characters: Solomon x fem!MC

25 kisses challenge Masterlist

Main Masterlist

CW: college anxiety, memories about bad friends, worried Solomon, established relationship

A/N: not the most relatable because I made it as a continuation for this, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3

.

Studying in the human real again wasn’t something she ever thought would become a reality, especially when she didn’t want to do it at all, but she should’ve learnt long ago that no thing in life was impossible.

Her best friends, if not her only friends, were demons and angels; she was dating King Solomon the Wise. Going back to college should not feel that weird.

And yet.

There she was, sitting on her ankles in a hidden corner under the staircase of the main entrance. The heat of June burned her hair and made her cupid’s bow sweat, but it was the stress of finals what made her feel feverish. Her backpack laid pathetically near her, the zipper opened enough to let her see some crumpled papers full of scribbles and a couple of pens with no caps.

It was draining. Sitting alone at the table, remembering the presence of those who left her behind laughing at her jokes and helping her study, acting like true friends when God knows what they were saying behind her back. The tiles of the floor and the graffiti on the benches remained the same, but the walls were different and the buildings had gone through some serious renovations. What hurt her the most, surprisingly, was the sight of the brand new cafeteria, which now looked like a hospital ward.

MC’s lips trembled at the thought of change and evolution, of coming so far just to return to the same place that made her feel so lonely.

First periods on Mondays, back when she was eighteen, were hectic. The hallways were cold and the elevator was always occupied because a blind guy with his guide dog had to go to the last floor and whoever decided to be stubborn and wait for the elevator to be free was always late to class. One of the coffee machines forever remained out of service and the other one only had one flavour worth paying: hazelnut. MC didn’t even like coffee and still bought a couple of those every now and then.

The blind guy already graduated, she supposed. Both coffee machines worked and they even had other vending machines filling the empty spaces of the hallways. Warm hallways, that is. The Styrofoam cups didn’t smell like hazelnut anymore, but rather something more generic and impersonal.

MC couldn’t recognize the scent and it made her mad. It made her cry. And the foolishness of the situation made her cry even harder.

Her weeping filled the corner she was hiding in and she felt incredibly grateful that the evening classes had already started, but not much time would pass until anyone inside would open the windows in search of any possible breeze.

Determined to not let the damn building see her cry more than necessary, MC grabbed her things and pitifully walked down the street, looking at the flowers with deep yearning like she too wished she was buried underground and left alone to absorb light and look pretty.

Fortunately for her mood, her phone vibrated in her pocket and showed a very familiar name. She tried to swallow tears and clear her voice before answering.

“Is everything okay, MC?”

She’d never fool him.

Solomon sounded extremely worried. The sheer surprise at his reaction made her stop in her tracks to wonder just how much he knew her. Before she could ponder about it too much, however, someone near her called her name.

There he was, sitting on the hood of a car that MC knew wasn’t his. He called her once more to urge her and, thankfully, by the time she reached him the crying had already stopped. Her skin felt sticky with sweat and fallen tears and she felt an incipient headache threatening to break her mind.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah”

She forced herself to swallow, hating the blockage in her nose, and Solomon looked at her in pity, clearly wanting to console without going too far.

“You know you can trust me, right?”

His eyes turned sad and MC felt the familiar sting in the back of her throat. Although her first impulse was to continue denying her pain and leave the whole thing behind, she knew that if she didn’t ask her boyfriend, of all people, to take care of her, then the turmoil would become much worse.

“I do” she assured him, holding his hand in slow movements. He immediately held her back and her eyes watered again “I’m just really tired, you know?”

There, under the sun, where no one was there to see the scene, Solomon opened his arms and sighed when she rushed towards him. MC tried to ignore the tears staining his white coat, hugging him instead to hide from the rest of the world. There was a gentle pressure on top of her head, a soft kiss that made her shoulders relax and lean into him further.

“Do you want to go back home? Take a nap?”

MC didn’t know what home he was talking about, but she didn’t care. Without letting him go, she nodded against his chest and made herself comfortable. Home was wherever as long as he was there with her.

.

.

Taglist: @ourfinalisation  @owlisbuffering  @chizukimp4  @ravenredwine @darkflowerav  @craftysclown @mehkers

[kidney9-9]

Having Twins with Them - Loki, Stephen, and Bucky

@stygianoir asked: For loki, Bucky , and Stephen (seperately ) Where their wife is pregnant and how are they before and after the baby comes Fluff plz

Hi Kitty, I hope you enjoy! Thank you for sending this in :) Please read the warnings.

Loki x Reader, Stephen x Reader, Bucky x Reader [Fluff] Warnings: Pregnancy, details about giving birth, and crying Word Count: Loki: 656, Stephen: 700, Bucky: 703

-

You were feeling a bit strange for a little bit before you suspected you were pregnant.

You called a friend one morning, freaking out about whether or not you were pregnant, and she brought over some tests for you to take. You were happy to find all the tests came back positive. You and Loki had been trying for a while, but you expected it to take a little longer to become pregnant.

When you revealed to him you were pregnant, he raised his eyebrow at you, then asked, “You’re joking, right?” Then quickly laughed and gave you a big hug, pulling you in close and twirling you around in a circle.

“You’ve given me something I wished and dreamed for, for years. Thank you, my love. We’ll take special care of our young one.” He murmured into your ear after he set you down.

He started to appear happier the farther along you were in your pregnancy. He’d always compliment you, give you gifts, and kiss you at random times. He would gaze at your stomach lovingly, and lay kisses on top, whispering sweet promises and lullabies to the baby.

During your delivery, he appeared as calm as ever, but secretly he was freaking out. You insisted on delivering in a hospital setting, and he was so confused about all the doctors and nurses around you. He went pale when he saw one of the tools the doctor was using, and hoped that for your next pregnancy (yes, he very much wanted more children), you would deliver with the help of Asgardian techniques.

It was so shocking to the family when you revealed you had twins, but Loki was smug. He was confident and happy that you two had healthy twins. The boy was named Salem and the girl was named Lilith. Loki and you adored them so much.

He dotted on them so much when they were first born and was the one to catch Lilith accidentally summon a demon. Yes, it was a very weak demon, but it was still very impressive and surprising. Salem soon after froze his crib after having a meltdown. Loki was so delighted in their magic and powers and soon started to document everything they did.

When they started talking, Loki was so excited. He’d talk to them in multiple languages and would smile brightly when one of them repeated his words. Salem was the first to say “Momma, Daddy”, and Lilith soon followed with calling you two, “Mommy, Papa.”

You healed up after the delivery great, and Loki surprised you by introducing some traditions with new moms from Asgard. They were so helpful, and it was a lot different than the techniques from Earth with healing after giving birth. There was a special tea he made for you, enchanted with some magic. It always made you feel more energetic after drinking it, and it helped with sleeping all those odd hours the babies were asleep.

When you were fully healed and ready to get back to doing your normal routine, Loki had come up to you one morning and wrapped his arms around you from behind. You grinned at him as he kissed your cheek.

“Mm, what are your plans for today, honey?” You asked him softly, your voice quiet so the babies could continue sleeping.

He chuckled slightly, “I was wondering if we could have a date night tonight. Maybe we could spend some time in our library, like last time.”

Your eyes shot wide open, and you turned around to face him, “You seriously cannot be saying you want to impregnate me again. So soon? Lilith and Salem haven’t even turned one!”

He pouted playfully, “Aw darling, but I would love to have more children with you. Maybe triplets this time?”

You laughed into his chest, “Maybe in a few years, after we get a hang of this parenting thing, right?”

He nodded thoughtfully, “Agreed.”

-

Stephen had a feeling something was off when you had come home one day, smiling a bit too often. He didn’t know what was going on though, so he kept extra quiet about it and just observed you to see if he could guess what was going on. When you noticed how quiet he had gotten that night, you pouted at him.

“Stephen, is something wrong?” You asked him somewhat nervously as you unconsciously placed a hand on your stomach.

“I just noticed you’re hiding something. You usually don’t hide things unless it’s a good surprise, so I’m wondering what it is.” He responded, grinning at your shocked expression.

“No fair! I wanted it to be a complete surprise for you tomorrow!” You objected, laughing at how quickly he caught on.

“You can tell me now and we can celebrate tomorrow?” He suggested, still completely wondering what it was that made you act like this.

You smiled brightly and scooted next to him. “I’m pregnant! I think I might be a bit later than I thought, since my stomach has been growing a bit faster than I expected. I took the test this afternoon.” You explained, mumbling, and rambling a bit because you were nervous for his reaction.

He gaped momentarily and then rushed over to you and picked you up and twirled you into a hug. You laughed in surprise at his reaction, not expecting this. He was usually so reserved and quiet about things, mostly reacting with humor!

“Sweetheart.” He murmured to you as he set you back down and pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you so much. You know how much I’ve always wanted children. This is a dream come true.” He whispered.

You smiled at his words, “I love you too, we’re going to be great parents!”

After he scheduled you an appointment with one of his old friends, he started buying so many prenatal vitamins and foods that would support your pregnancy. At the appointment, it was confirmed that you two were going to have twins! At first, he didn’t believe his friend, then looked at the ultrasound machine and saw the two little babies.

The next few weeks, he spent time coddling you and reading up on pregnancies involving twins. He researched so much and practically became an expert about twin pregnancies. He read so many books on parenting and baby proofed everything even though you were only three months pregnant at the time.

By your third trimester, he had everything set up for your due date. He personally vetted everyone who was going to be involved in the birthing process and supported you on your decisions on how you’d like to give birth.

The only things that were left up in the air were the names of the babies. You had been calling them, ankle biter one and two as a joke, and every name you two actually came up with hadn’t been agreed upon. Stephen would randomly speak to your stomach, saying random baby names and then would look up at you, and ask if those names would be good.

One day he came up with the name, Rose, while you were eating some rose ice cream. It was all you wanted to eat for three days, and the entire pregnancy, you had been craving rose flavored foods. Almost immediately after he said the name Rose, you agreed.

“She’s our little Rose, so cute.” You’d say as you’d feel one of the baby’s kick. For the boy, you two finally agreed with the name Philip, and a few hours later, you went into labor.

Stephen was on top of it, fully calm and ready, and supported you the entire time.

A few months later, you two were unconventional parents, amazing, nonetheless. Stephen used magic to parent all the time, and you would always be so surprised at all the magic he did. The best magic he had done during the first few months was to always have a bottle of milk ready to go – it automatically refilled itself.

How he did it? You never found out how, but whenever you asked about it, he would mutter something about arrogant entities.

-

You were a little nervous and worried when you found out you were pregnant. Bucky had always been a little upset when you’d mention family because he didn’t have any family in today’s world. Technically he only had you as his spouse for family, but you knew he missed his family from years ago.

But you knew you had to tell him, so you grabbed your positive pregnancy tests and walked into the bedroom. “Hey sweetie? Can I talk to you about something?” You spoke up nervously.

Bucky turned around and smiled softly at you. “Of course, you can. Don’t have to ask about it, either.”

You shrugged back sheepishly, “I know that, but this is something kinda serious and we have to talk about it.”

His expression changed to something stormy, and he pressed his lips into a line, “Are you safe? Is someone targeting you?”

“Oh no! Not like that! It’s – I’m, uh, pregnant.” You stumbled over your words and pushed the pregnancy tests in front of you, to show him. He blinked in surprise, his expression going momentarily blank before a happy one replaced it.

“Wait really?” He whispered, walking closer to you, and holding onto your hands. He gazed down at the multiple pregnancy tests you took.

“Mhm, there’s a baby in here I think.” You chuckled nervously and gazed down to your belly. He smiled brightly as he leaned down and kissed your stomach, making all your worries disappear. He murmured a sweet hello to your belly, then got back up and hugged you tightly, causing you to drop the tests to the floor. You laughed in surprise and hugged him back.

When you started going to appointments, Bucky drove you to each of them and attended all of them, holding your hand through exams to make you feel comfortable. It was the second appointment where you two found out you were having twins!

“Oh god! Twins… we need to get a new place. We need to buy two cribs! We have to go get supplies like right now!” Bucky started to ramble, eyes wide at the thought of two kids. You were in shock as well, asking the doctor to check again to make sure. You really didn’t expect to have twins.

Bucky seemed to be extra romantic as you got further along in your pregnancy. You’d notice it in the way he’d always lovingly kiss you longer each day before he went to the compound, and the way he’d come back with gifts for you both to enjoy. He’d light your favorite candles and prep your favorite foods, and at times you’d feel like you could melt in a puddle by the adoration you’d see in his eyes as he’d gaze down at your belly.

You both decided on the names rather early in your pregnancy. Scout was the boy’s name and Melody was the girl’s name. Bucky and you discussed it for about a week, agreeing quickly about the names. He used Steve’s name as Scout’s middle name and his sister, Rebecca, as Melody’s middle name.

When you went into labor, Bucky freaked out a bit and fainted when you squeezed his hand harder than you’ve ever had before. When he came back to, he apologized and put on a tough face and sat by you, supporting you the entire time.

“Look at our babies, sweetheart.” He murmured to you, holding them both in his arms and handing Melody to you. You two cried happily at the sight of both your children.

He sung lullabies to comfort the babies and he’d always be holding at least one of them. Scout was the first to say his first words, which was funnily enough, “No!” and “Momma”, when you served him some broccoli with rice.

Melody quickly said her words a few days after that, when Scout had accidentally bumped his foot into something, “Scout owie”. It was so adorable that you and Bucky had both awed out loud at the sight.

When you and Bucky had alone time, he’d take you out to your favorite date spots. You two spoke about all the memories you shared, and how sweet and special it’s been, having twins together.

[all-about-kyu]

Summary: After the ups and downs of being in the public eye throughout your pregnancy, the time finally comes to meet your little one. Pairing: idol!Seonghwa x model!reader Tropes: established relationship au, new parents au, idol au, celebrity au Genre: fluff Rating: PG Warnings: allusions to childbirth, happy crying, breastfeeding, language Word Count: 2,141 Note: part of the Desire universe and for my anniversary! (enjoy the nod to her display name as the title) thank you to @anyamaris for beta reading!!

Before You Interact

Seonghwa had been panicking all day. You had gone into labor around 3am but still didn’t start active labor until hours after arriving at the hospital. After hours of physically and mentally exhausting labor, your son was finally in your arms. Even after your doctor confirmed that both you and your son were healthy, your boyfriend really couldn’t relax. When you feed Yejun for the first time, Seonghwa finally relaxes and lays him down to sleep in the bassinet.

“We’re parents.” He sighs happily, squishing onto the hospital bed beside you.

“Yes, we are.” You chuckle, “You finally relaxed now?”

Your boyfriend nods, “It was a crazy morning.”

“Yeah,” you let out a breathy laugh, “I just spent 8 hours pushing him out of me.”

Seonghwa kisses your hair, “And you did an amazing job. He’s perfect.”

Seonghwa looks over at your sleeping son and smiles brightly. He’s so proud to call himself a father; your son is everything he could ever wish for and more. He then turns to you and cups your face in his hands. You smile softly at him, and he returns the look. Your boyfriend leans in and kisses you softly. The tender moment is disrupted by multiple notifications from your phone. When you glance at it, you notice that it’s only 1pm.

“Should we let the others know he’s here? I’m sure Danbi is pacing through your dorm right now, and Mingi is trying to get her to sit down.” You joke.

“You should rest.” He worries.

You shake your head, “I’m actually quite awake… I think I’m on some sort of adrenaline high.”

Seonghwa shakes his head at you and looks down at his hand intertwined with yours. He frees his hand a moment later and texts your group chat to let everyone know Yejun has finally arrived. It takes all of two minutes to have Eunji FaceTiming you. Despite your clearly disheveled state, you answer.

“Can we come?” She asks, skipping all courtesies.

“Hi Eunji, I’m great! Yejun and I are healthy and safe.”

“Can we come then?!” She questions again.

Seonghwa butts in, “Yeah, visiting hours end at 4pm tonight so if any of you plan to come you’re welcome to.”

“I’m meeting my nephew!” You hear Yunho yell in the background followed by a door slamming.

Of course, the rest of your friends were all holed up together in the Ateez dorm. You hear Yejun quietly whining, alerting you of his waking state. Quickly, you say goodbye to your friends, and Seonghwa tells them the maximum number of visitors at a time. You reach your son and see him slowly blink as he wakes up. You know he can’t see much of anything yet, but he knows it’s you. During your prenatal class, you learned that babies have an incredible ability to sense their parents without even really seeing them well. Carefully, you lift him up and hold him close to your body. You gave birth to him just over two hours ago, and already you can’t get enough of holding him. Returning to your bed, you feed him again, and Seonghwa offers to attempt his first diaper change. You both quickly found out Yejun does not enjoy them. 

Once he’s changed, Seonghwa carries him back to you. You both sit there for a while, holding Yejun and Seonghwa, wrapping his arms around you. Honestly, you don’t know how you’ve ever lived any other way before having both your boys. A soft knock sounds on your door, interrupting the domestic moment.

“I’ll go get it.” Seonghwa offers, “It’s probably our friends.”

You nod and look back down at Yejun, who is fast asleep again. Seonghwa is quietly talking with someone at the door, but you can’t be bothered to pay attention due to how enamored you are by your son. You hear footsteps growing louder, then feel Seonghwa’s hand gently curl over your shoulder. Looking up, you look at your boyfriend then see Yunho. You suppose his mad dash out of the dorm made him the first to arrive. It wouldn’t surprise you if he didn’t even wait for anyone else to get in the car before he left.

“Do you want to hold him?” You ask quietly after you notice Yunho’s shocked state.

The tall man nods and takes a few steps closer, “He’s so tiny.” He comments once you pass him the baby.

“He is only two hours old.” You laugh, “Of course he’s tiny.”

In Yunho’s hands, Yejun looks even smaller. His large hands are about half of your son’s entire body length. For a moment, you think your friend may cry. He’s been excited for you to have Yejun from the moment he found out about your pregnancy. You, Yunho, and Seonghwa chat for a while. Yunho holds your son as long as he can until Yejun grows fussy and Seonghwa takes him back. Suddenly, Yunho’s phone starts ringing in his pocket. He sighs when he sees the caller and accepts the FaceTime call.

“Hello, Mingi.” He says in a playfully annoyed tone.

“Mingi’s parking the car. Get your ass out of there. I need to see Yejun right now.” Danbi yells into the phone.

“Okay, okay. He’s fussy so have fun with that.”

You look over and see Seonghwa pacing while gently rocking him and humming quietly; the amount of love poring from his eyes makes your heart soar with butterflies. Yejun won’t calm down, though. You motion for your boyfriend to bring him to you. Instantly, Yejun calms and seems to be searching for your chest in hopes of milk. After that, Yunho dismisses himself to allow you the privacy of feeding.

“What?” You question when you notice Seonghwa watching you.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? You’re staring at our son while he’s eating.” You tease.

Seonghwa smiles brightly and sits at the foot of the bed.

“It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. He’s beautiful. I couldn’t imagine life without you both.” 

Another knock raps on the door. You quickly pull your hospital gown up and over your son as he continues to feed. Seonghwa pops his head out the door and then allows the guests in. Both your friends step into the room. Their boyfriends are nowhere to be seen yet.

“Where–”

“Currently latched to my chest.” You cut off Danbi, “He’s hungry.”

A few moments later, Yejun is done feeding, and you strategically move him from under the gown to lay him against your shoulder to burp him. Once he does, you hold him for both Eunji and Danbi to see. Danbi looks like she’s in some sort of elated shock. You don’t expect to see Eunji almost instantly break down in tears. She walks closer but doesn’t reach out to hold him due to her state. She had done her own research and didn’t want to risk him getting sick in any way.

“He’s so…” She tapers off.

Eunji steps into your bathroom and cleans her hands (maybe too thoroughly) before returning and asking to hold him. She looks at him as if he’s her world. On more than one occasion, she’s mentioned that she doesn’t want kids of her own. Luckily, Yeosang feels the same way. The two of them are more than happy being an aunt and uncle to whoever ends up having kids in your friend group. 

You look for Seonghwa, but notice he stepped out. He knew it was a raw and personal moment for Danbi and Eunji to meet your son. You’re thankful he gave that moment to them despite his papa bear mode already being present two hours into your son’s life. The door opens again, and You see your boyfriend walk in with Mingi and Yeosang in tow. Yeosang immediately wraps his arms around Eunji from behind and rests his chin on her shoulder. He looks at Yejun in her arms and smiles softly. The entire scene melts your heart. 

Despite not wanting to hand off your son, she reluctantly passes him to Mingi. Yet again, your son looks pea-sized in his hands. Danbi breaks from her excitement-induced stupor. She reaches over and rubs her finger along Yejun’s soft cheek. He thinks it’s a food source and tries to latch onto it. She lets out a quiet giggle at the action. Mingi has a goofy smile on his face. You know he’s happy, though. His eyes are sparkling looking at the infant in his hands. Since he panicked about finding your pregnancy tests in Danbi’s bathroom, he’s been vocal about his wish for kids in the future. Though, he and Danbi agreed, not for a while still. 

“The other four are blowing up the group chat, waiting to get in here.” Seonghwa laughs lightly, “I’m sure they want to meet him before his mother passes out on us.”

“I’m fine.” You protest. Your yawn betrays your sentiment. 

Danbi nods, “As much as we’d love to stay, I have a few exams to prepare for, and somebody has meetings tomorrow.” She comments, throwing Mingi a playfully annoyed look.

Yeosang looks at Yejun being passed back to you. His eyes are wide and shiny. Somewhere between concerned and enamored. As much as he loves your son already, him being just over three hours old now makes him scared that he’ll break him somehow. 

“Did we get the godparents title?” Eunji asks, eyes locked on Yejun.

“You know damn well you share that with all of us!” Mingi whines.

His volume causes Yejun to burst out in tears. Not used to loud sounds yet. You bounce him lightly and shush him. Yeosang’s concerned yet enamored face intensifies and the four of them quickly excuse themselves. (Much to Eunji’s dismay). After the door is shut again, another yawn escapes your lips.

“If you’re too tired, my love, we can tell Joong, San, Wooyoung, and Jongho to come by tomorrow.” Seonghwa tells you with a bit of worry in his tone.

You shake your head, “It’s okay. It wouldn’t be fair to them if everyone else got to meet him today.”

Seonghwa sighs, “It’s what your limit is, and his is too… if you’re too tired if he’s too tired… they’ll understand.”

“Seonghwa, we’re okay.” You offer a soft smile. 

Despite his lingering concern, Seonghwa leaves to retrieve the last four people who need to meet your little one. The moment the door knob clicks open, San is bursting through the door, with Wooyoung not far behind. Both of them look over the moon with joy and excitement. Wooyoung is the first to get to hold him. San whines about it the whole time. The slightly younger male rambles on and on in a quiet voice about how much fun they’ll have when he’s older. Eventually, San steals the baby from him and looks at him with a sweet, dimpled smile.

“He looks a lot like Seonghwa.” He chuckles, “Almost identical to the baby pictures we’ve seen of him.”

“You trying to say he looks nothing like me?” You tease.

San nods, “Exactly that!” He giggles, “Seriously though, you two are going to be amazing parents. I’m happy for you.”

Wooyoung and San hoard Yejun, Hongjoong, and Jongho hang back the whole time and quietly observe. That is, until, San passes the newborn to Hongjoong when he notices just how tired you’re getting and drags a very chatty Wooyoung out of the room. Hongjoong looks like a fish out of water, to say the least. Then, Yejun blinks up at him. His expression completely changes, and he looks as though he could melt at any moment.

“A new first mate?” He teases Seonghwa.

“Don’t push it. Make your own first mate if you really want one.”

Hongjoong laughs quietly, “But you’re so good at the job. I’m sure Yejun would be just as good.”

The two go back and forth for a while. In the meantime, Jongho pulls a chair closer to you. 

“You did good.” He states plainly.

“Thank you?”

“I’m serious. I couldn’t have imagined Seonghwa in this position a few years ago. You’re really good for him, and having Yejun showed me even more that you two are special. You know… when he first mentioned wanting to ask you out properly, he came to me for advice. I’m really happy he did. He loves you, and now Yejun, more than anyone on this planet or further. You did good.” He smiles softly at you.

“Jongho,” you pause for a moment, “Thank you.”

He nods, “Of course, I’ll hold him another time, okay?”

“Are you sure?” You question your maternal instincts, kicking in full force.

He nods again, “I can just tell how exhausted you and Seonghwa are. He’s just not letting it on. And I’m sure Yejun is exhausted from meeting people all afternoon, too. Get some rest. You all deserve it.”

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

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Tag List: @sanjoongie @jaehunnyy @ericssmile @anyamaris @almondmilkeu @shinestarhwaa @northerngalaxy

[peachesofteal]

I don’t think I have ever been so struck by a piece of writing as I was by “Light On”

Just in case you do respond to this, I’m going to put a trigger warning here because I am going to talk about losing loved ones. So if that makes you or anyone uncomfortable, please, please stop reading now okay? Take care of yourself first.

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

15 months ago I lost my husband and my parents - they were killed by a drunk driver in a car crash. I thought the whole thing was a sick joke at first when I got to the hospital. It’s really weird how our brains just like, try to protect us from reality… idk. Anyway, I went completely mute for 3 days. I physically couldn’t speak. My whole life fell apart in the span of an hour and I think my brain did what it could to keep me from processing that. At least that’s what my therapist said.

I am extremely fortunate to have a couple of girlfriends that did absolutely everything for me while I had to plan their funerals. I felt absolutely nothing the whole time. All of the feeling, screaming, sobbing and smashing shit came the night I had to bury them. My best friend had her husband pack my stuff that night and I lived with them for a year.

I ended up meeting a special forces soldier when I stopped by the tattoo shop my husband went to 8 months after he died. He had gotten a really fuckin cool “V for Vendetta” half sleeve a few months before the accident.

The guys name was Tom and I truly believe he brought me back to life. It took me a while to tell him everything & I tried to push him away after. Similar to Simon, he wouldn’t let me.

We aren’t dating - I’m just not ready for that yet and he knows it and respects it. But honestly, reading “Light On” gave me a little bit of hope that one day I’ll be ready again. I know I’ll never heal completely. Most days I still feel the gaping hole of loss that comes with losing anyone you love, but I’m holding out hope that one day the hole will start to close - at least a little.

Your story gave me hope. And to anyone and everyone who has read this whole ridiculous, trauma dumping ask, hug your loved ones a little tighter for me tonight. I would give anything to hug my parents again. I would give anything to kiss my husband one more time. I know I’ll get to one day when it’s my time, but until then, please do that for me if you can.

Thank you, Peach. I hope your days are filled with magic and love. Thank you for your stories. You’re one hell of a writer❤️

Hi

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know condolences are nothing in the face of such tragedy but I still offer them to you, with the whole of my heart. I am so, so sorry.

Grief, to me, is something that never leaves. It never fades it just… changes. It becomes a part of you, but as time passes, I find it to be… less sharp, but never less poignant. (Not saying that will be your experience.)

I know you’ll always carry your grief, your loss, but I hope one day its weight becomes less heartbreaking, even by a fraction.

I’m beyond myself thinking that something I wrote could give you hope. I’m so happy you’ve found someone who has been able to bring some life back into your days. I hope you’ll be ready again one day, if that’s what you feel is right for you, and I’m glad there could be someone at your side who is patient, understanding and steadfast.

I wish I could give you a hug, or scream with you, or cry with you. I hope I can continue to bring a little bit of hope to your life 🩵

[lightlycareless]

heyyyy:33 love reading your nao x reader headcanons, i am feeling bit angsty and been wondering how would naoya react if something goes wrong during yn's labor. like she starts screaming, trashing around and is in lots of pain.

Hello anon!!! You want angst??? WELL YOU GOT ANGST.

Actually it's not that much, but hey, it's not that nice either so... I hope it's to your enjoyment still!

warnings: pregnancy. going into labor. the fear of a baby dying. bleeding. naoya suffers. 🥺

related work: (sequel) (prequel)

Happy reading!

Something going wrong when Y/N is in labor is hands down, Naoya’s worst nightmare. He might’ve prepared everything so to keep risks to the minimum, and yet, there are moments where that is all he thought about.

That, and the worse version of his fears: the two don’t make it.

He tries his best not to think about it, Ranta also tries his best to distract him as soon as anxiety etches his features. And you…

Well, you wish you could offer a viable solution, disappear so the sight of you doesn’t have him spiraling, yet remain close because he needs you and he’s your husband, for crying out loud! You don’t want to be away from him, not even for a second, while pregnant!

But… everything was proving too hard for you to deal with on your own, and stresses like these could only do harm to your pregnancy, alongside those awful thoughts that would cross your mind in the worst moments possible: the idea that maybe Naoya… maybe he didn’t want a family with you anymore.

However, the love both had for one another, for the mochi growing inside you, alongside the support of your family and friends, these obstacles were soon forgotten, replaced with the excitement of the fast approaching day of delivery, the moment you’ll finally be able to hold your baby, as well as see if they were a boy or a girl—not that it mattered, for they’d be unconditionally loved anyways.

Everything was carefully tended to, starting by ignoring the Zen’in’s insane request of having you deliver the baby at the estate, in less than prepared conditions and away from your family just because they wanted.

Nope, not happening. Instead, he arranged your stay at one of the best hospitals of Tokyo, a whole floor with dedicated personnel to solely attend to you; just to begin with.

Your family was naturally impressed by Naoya’s dedication to once again go to these lengths. And yet, he wasn’t doing anything they wouldn’t have done for you; in fact, they also gave their own suggestions to further ensure your safety!

«Well, at least we know she’ll be ok with Naoya…»

“I’m going to be fine.” You’d tell them, slightly overwhelmed by their worries. “Though I do think Naoya might’ve gone a bit over the top…”

“It’s only necessary.” Naoya interjects. “No one outside of the necessary people will disturb you, everything you need will be tended for, and you’ll also be in presence of your friends and family.”

“Friends…?” You repeat slowly, because at that point you only expected your family to be there, not your trusted staff, who were grinning at the prospect of accompanying you during one of the most important stages of your life! “Oh my god, you’re here!”

“What, thought you’d get rid of us just because you’re having a baby??” Haruko grins.

“I’m offended by how poorly you think of us.” Hitomi teases.

“I—I didn’t expect you guys to be here! I thought you’d be busy or—or something!” You chuckle. “I’m speechless!”

“Don’t be too speechless, we still have to make the most of the city before you’re admitted into the hospital! I personally have never been to Tokyo, so I’m planning on taking all the tours.” Mariya enthusiastically suggests.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, did you forget my wife is very much pregnant?” Naoya frowns, she laughs.

“We’re just joking, Naoya—what kind of godmother would I be if I didn’t care for her?”

And in this precise moment, you genuinely believed it couldn’t get any better than this. Surrounded by the people you loved; nothing could ruin this!

Unless your contractions were to begin a bit earlier than anticipated, followed by a numbing, stinging pain that made you freeze on your track, drop everything on the spot to tightly hold onto your stomach; a feeble attempt to stop whatever it was that had you such mortifying state… rushed to the hospital when blood soaked your garments, your and Naoya’s worst nightmare abruptly becoming real.

Without time to waste, you’re quickly checked into your designated room to be urgently attended by the doctor of his choosing, the supposedly best there is in all of Tokyo—no, Japan—who alongside his entourage began to urgently prepare everything for your procedure, for your symptoms were not expected neither wanted in a pregnancy.

But if that wasn’t anxious enough for your husband, your screams of gut-wrenching pain that only worsened as time went on were enough, were enough to get him spiraling.

“Help her!” Naoya demands, more than ready to rattle the doctor into action if needed.

“We can’t let you in if you’re going to disrupt the patient.” The doctor warns, further fueling your husband’s desperation. He’s just a mere second away from losing himself, just one more word and he’ll—

“Naoya, please, calm down—” Thankfully, your father was there to put a stop to his anger, a genuine sympathetic approach for he’s gone through his fair share of pregnancies—things like these don’t scare him that much, but they still worry him.

How could it not? The probability of losing his daughter, the youngest, his first grandchild too…! And just after loosing his wife as well…

It’s a pain he would never wish upon anyone. Certainly not on his distraught son-in-law….

So, what good is it to hire the best, if they’re not going to do their job?!

Naoya freezes upon hearing another heart-wrenching scream come out of you, heart dropping to his stomach as he hears you demand them to get the baby out, stop your suffering and just—help you!

He doesn’t want to hear more of this, he doesn’t want to see nor hear you suffering so, but he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know how to act nor what to say that could get you out of this awful predicament and back into safety, into the world where you and his child were ok and all this was nothing but an awful nightmare!

But the same moment he was debating what to do, your father already made his decision, walking past him and straight into your room, firmly determined to support his daughter through whatever destiny fate instilled on you—even if it meant death.

A sight that soon snapped Naoya out of his struggle, feeling like an absolute idiot for even hesitating! He’s been through life-or-death situations before, why is he suddenly cowering now, pitying himself?! When you need him the most?!

What poor excuse of a husband he was being; a despicable father compared to yours.

Once snapping out of his dark thought and gathering all of his courage, he steps into your room, heading straight to your side, opposite of your father and takes your hand, letting you hold it as tight as you needed—whatever the sacrifice he had to make to ensure your safety, he’d willingly oblige.

“Nao—Naoya—” you breathed, looking up to him. “It—It hurts!”

“She’s losing too much blood.” A nurse would note. “She’s still not dilated enough.”

“My baby—I don’t want my baby to die” you fret.

“She won’t.” Naoya reassures. “She won’t die, I swear—”

“We’ll have to induce her labor to help her dilate, and if that doesn’t work, then a c-section will have to do.” The doctor explains, hoping to get his permission.

“Anything.” Your husband pleads. “Anything to save my wife, my family, please!”

Because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses you. Life would cease to matter at that point.

But thankfully his prayers were to be heard, and with the quick, highly prepared skills of medical staff, were you freed of all complications, ensuring not only your safety, but that of the baby as well, perfect just as the two envisioned her to be.

“Naoya, our baby.” You’d breathe, face lightening up when the nurse finally placed the small, chubby bundle you’ve been waiting to hold for 9 long months in your arms, holding her softly against your skin as you gushed. “Our baby is—”

“She’s a girl.” The doctor says. “A healthy girl.”

“A girl.” You cry, tears of happiness dampening your cheeks, struggling to believe what was before your eyes. “Naoya, we had a beautiful baby girl!”

There are no words to describe what Naoya feels at this very moment: to the sight of you lovingly holding onto your baby, the highest demonstration of love between the two, after so much suffering.

Though he could start with love at first sight, something he already believed existed, but when his eyes laid on his beautiful baby girl, he was completely sure of it now.

“She has your hair.” You comment on the small patch of black hair on the top of her head.

“And your nose.” He responds, gently poking it.

“Ha! How can you even know so? It looks like a regular nose to me.” You giggle—only to gasp a few seconds after being given the breathtaking sight of your baby slowly opening her eyes for the first time, a revelation that made your heart flutter. “Naoya—she… she has your eyes! Oh, my love, she looks just like you…”

Deep within him, Naoya always hoped the baby would look like you—with your big round eyes, your silky, soft hair, and adorable cheeks he always loved to tease. He thought she’d looked far better with your features than his own anyways, and wished would be that way.

But there was something about seeing you gush about her likeness that struck his heart with adoration, feeling appreciated and fiercely protective of the precious, tiny baby in your arms.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I need to know the name of the baby before continuing” Another nurse said, and a wide smile spreads across your lips as you gently poke her cheek, already imagining the agony her father would put her through.

“Naomi.” You say, eyes intently focused on your daughter. “Zen’in Naomi.”

Named after her father, perhaps the only tradition you kept from the Zen’in, because there was nothing else you wanted more than for the world to know of the man that has made you so happy, the love of your life, either through your affection, or Naomi, your new family.

“A granddaughter, I have a granddaughter!!” Your father would proclaim, tears in his eyes as he accepts the baby from your arms, who was now wrapped in a soft pink blanket he got as a gift, with you proudly smiling at his excitement. “Oh, she’s beautiful Y/N!”

“Welcome to the family, little one!” Hinata grins, eager to take her niece into her arms as well, but patient enough to not do so until her turn. “You don’t know how happy we are to finally have you here!”

“Can’t wait to see you grow up and give your parents a run for their money.” Ren teases, you pout.

“My baby is going to be a nice, well-behaved girl.” You respond. “Unlike you guys…”

“Though she will be spoiled.” Naoya promises.

“Well, it can’t be spoiled if it’s what she deserves, right?” you say, he nods along. Your family fears the lengths you’d both go to do so; you and Naoya are already ruthless as it is…

But even then, they genuinely knew they had nothing to worry about—for as long as they were around, nothing bad would befall little Naomi.

As expected, the exhaustion of the past few hours finally caught up to you, at first making you yawn before your eyelids began to grow heavier and heavier; a sight that didn’t go unnoticed for too long, your father gathering everyone around for their departure.

“We’ll be outside if you need us.” Eiichi promises, carefully handing Naomi back to Naoya. “Rest, pumpkin, you deserve it.”

“Thanks, dad…” you yawn. “I feel like I could sleep for years.”

Eiichi chuckles, leaning forward to place a kiss on your forehead before moving onto Naoya, patting his shoulder.

“Congratulations, Naoya. You’ll be a great father.”

Naoya smiles, warmed by the words his father wasn’t there to give him, gladly accepting them in his heart as they promptly make their exit. Once alone, your husband places Naomi into the crib nearby, placing a kiss on her head and eventually making his way to you, to give you a kiss as well.

“You did amazingly, my love.” But as much as you wished to enjoy this moment, the agony of past experiences swiftly makes way to your mind.

“…I was scared, Naoya. So, so afraid that something would happen to me, or worse, our baby.” You tremble.

“I know, I know.” He coos, softly removing some unruly hair strands from your face as tears begin to pool in his eyes. “But it’s over, all that is gone—we have Naomi now.”

“I was afraid of leaving you behind.” You continue. “I… I didn’t want you to face all this by yourself. The thought of you having no one to rely on frightens me like you have no idea. At one point I thought I wouldn’t be able to see you—”

“That was my worst fear too. I loathed even thinking about the possibility of returning home without you.” The moment you notice the tears forming in his eyes, you quickly reach out for him—to the best of your ability anyways, much to his worry. “No, Y/N, you have to rest—”

“Thank you for being by my side.” You murmur, hugging him tightly. He returns the gesture soon after. “I’m so glad to have found someone like you, to be my husband, and now father of my daughter.”

“…What did I do to deserve you?”

“Well, you gave me an adorable baby girl, as of recent!” you sniffle through a giggle, making Naoya chuckle. “From there, all that I ever wanted, really. From food, clothes, even holidays…”

Naoya blushes, proud of his consistent commitment to you and the happiness it provided you. And yet, that was not to be the end of his fluster—not without your following words.

“But most importantly, your love.” You smile. “If anything, I should be wondering what I’ve done to deserve you…”

“Your mere existence is justifying enough for me.” He responds quickly, another tear sliding down his cheek, which you swipe soon after. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kiss him. “And our new family.”

…

…

…

“I know some mothers feel the desire to have another child as soon as their baby is born, but after what happened, I think it’s best for now if we hold off that idea for a while. Don’t you agree?” You suddenly say.

“Yeah, couldn’t have said it any better. Though something tells me Naomi is going to be quite the handful to begin with…”

“Considering she looks just like you, I’d say you’re right.” you laugh, he rolls his eyes before kissing you once more.

[crunchyheartbeat]

To far to touch -Ghost-

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes, his therapist looking straight at him.

"Let's go through this again" Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he starts to focus on his finger tips, then his shoulders and his ears It was like he could feel your presence close by, walking through the hallways, taking a shower, sitting down to eat a meal. "She was my everything" He says outload. He remembers the way that you would hold out your hand as a way to invite him to sit with you. The clothes he would pick out for you when you would ask him to. The big smile that overcame most of your face when he would laugh at your jokes. "Then why did you kill them?" He felt his heart stop and his head light. During these moments when he was in this office he sometimes would remember that he is there and not somewhere with you. "What are you talking about?" his voice sounding a bit squeaky. "You don't remember Simon?" Think of the flowers, think of the hospital bed and the morning dew" He was close to crying at this point, his hands gripping the chair like it was going to be ripped from his grasp. "Y/N asked me to!" His breathing heavy and hard. "Y/n was ill" he said to himself.

You held his hand as he led you to the flowers, the roses that you guys had planted together many months before. The unforgivable favor, the whisper he still hears when the sun starts to show. "Put me to rest Ghost, put me out of this pain" He would wish that his gun might get stuck in the chamber when he set it against your temple. "Remember me always" "Always and forever" He opened his eyes and blinked rapidly. "I don't know what your talking about" he would repeat as he does each day. When the cuffs are put back on his wrist and Price is walking him back to his cell, he can almost catch your perfume as if you were there with him.

I am not sure how i feel about this one exactly but maybe I will re write it down the line when I have more thought for it. I hope you enjoyed!

[finnsbubblegum]

Little Joel Miller (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: birth, needle, fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel (let me know if i missed any)

Summary (Series): reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah. 

Summary: welcoming little Joel Miller to the world.

Words count: 1.6k

A/N: This series is ending really really soon so be ready 🥺 This is part 20 of Where It All Starts. But it can also be read as a standalone. I'm so grateful for all of you! Thank you for your comments, reblogs, and likes ❤️ Love you!

Thank you @siesie2 for your comment and idea!! 

Let's pretend the GIF is you and Joel because I can't find one that looks good for this chapter!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Epilogue

“Remind me how you convinced me to watch a horror movie again?” Joel tapped your shoulder.

You were laying on your sides on the couch, head resting on Joel’s lap.

“I love scary movies.” You scoffed.

“Well, I hate it.” Joel clicked his tongue.

“You’re a big guy but you can’t even stand scary movies.” You laughed.

“I can handle blood and killing stuff in movies but not ghosts.” Joel protested.

*eerie music from the movie*

Guessing from the music, you knew the ghost was coming soon. You got ready to scare Joel. 

*the ghost appeared*

“Ahh!” You sat and screamed at his face.

“Fuuuck!” Joel screamed and flinched. 

You laughed so hard at his face. 

“You really have to see your face!” You laughed holding your belly.

“You’re really really bad, mama.” Joel shook his head. 

His heart was about to burst. But you enjoyed teasing him. He was cute when he was like that. 

“You need to be punished, baby.” Joel crawled to you and tickled you.

“No! No! Stop it!” You giggled.

Joel knew your weakness was being tickled. You were ticklish. But Joel had to have revenge. He kept tickling you and laughed. You kept giggling as he tickled you. Your belly moved up and down as you laughed.

“Ooh-Ooh.” You felt a gush of liquid.

“I think I just peed a little.” You giggled.

“Mission accomplished.” Joel proudly said to you as he got his revenge done.

You thought it was pee so you tried to hold it but you couldn’t. Apparently, your water broke. 

“Shit, Joel. I think it wasn’t pee.” Your heart was beating faster.

“Don’t prank me again, baby.” Joel didn’t believe you.

“Do you really think I’m joking?!” You stood up and more liquid flowed down your thighs.

“Fuck! Ughh-” You groaned as you felt a shooting pain in your abdomen.

“Fuck-I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Joel stood up and held your hand.

You glared at him. You were not okay. You were scared actually. It was your first time having a baby and you were scared to death.

“I’m not okay, Joel. I’m scared.” Your voice cracked.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you to the hospital. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m here.” Joel put his arms around you and guided you to the car. 

You had everything ready a week before and put the hospital bag inside the car. So you wouldn’t have to move the stuff when you were already in a panic mode when your water broke. 

Joel drove as fast as he could to the hospital. He lent his hand for you to squeeze throughout the way to the hospital. Even though it didn’t help to ease your pain, his touch and existence gave you comfort.

“Fuuucckk.” You made a low guttural sound to let out the pain.

“Wish I could take your pain, baby.” Joel sat beside the hospital bed you were laying down.

He took your hand and kissed the back of your hand. Joel kept kissing and rubbing your hand with his thumb hoping to ease your pain. His heart broke at the thought of not being able to take your pain away. He couldn’t see you in pain, his eyes were getting teary seeing you crying in pain. 

“Joel..It hurts so much.” A tear fell down your cheeks.

“What can I do for you, baby?” He raised your hand and brought it to his lips.

“Ugghh..” You squeezed his hand.

Initially, you wanted to have a natural birth and feel the pain of giving birth without epidurals. But now you were having second thoughts. You thought you could handle it but turned out the pain was unendurable. 

“Joel-please-” You cried.

“What baby? What can I do?” Joel nodded and looked at you.

“I want the drugs. I need the epidural.” You begged.

“Okay, wait here. I’ll call the nurse.” Joel placed a kiss on your forehead and left the hospital room

A few moments later, the anesthesiologist and nurse came in with all the stuff they needed to inject the epidural for you. You saw a really big needle. Your heart beat faster. You could handle the normal needle but this one was the biggest you had ever seen. 

“That..is..the biggest needle I’ve ever seen.” Your eyes widened.

“Is that going to be inside me?” Suddenly the pain was gone.

“We will inject this to your spine, Mrs. Miller.” The anesthesiologist answered.

“Ughh..” You groaned.

Then the nurse helped to sit in the correct position and get ready for injecting the epidural. Joel was there beside you. His heart beat faster too as he saw the needle that would soon be injected to your spine. 

“Hold my hand.” You asked for Joel’s hand.

Joel immediately lent his hand and gave a strong grip to your hand. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in and out before the needle was inserted to your body. You squeezed his hand when you felt the needle injected to your spine. You hissed at the sting.

“It’s done.” The doctor tapped your shoulder.

You breathed out in relief. 

“Thank you.” You thanked the doctor and nurses.

The epidural worked so well. You felt less pain and you tried to sleep to get some rest. Joel was always there beside you. He took some rest when you sleep so he could stay awake when he needed you.  A few hours later, it was finally the time for the baby to come out. 

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to push in 1, 2, 3..” Your doctor guided you to push.

You held your breath, chin to your chest and pushed. 

“You’re doing great, baby.” Joel held your hand and leg.

He kept telling you encouraging words and being your rock. You were grateful Joel was there because you couldn’t do it alone. After a few pushes, your baby boy was finally born. Tears falling down your cheeks when you hear a cry from your baby. Joel cried too. 

“I’m so proud of you, baby.” Joel tucked your sweaty hair behind your ear then placed a kiss on your temple.

“Hi baby. Hi~” You stroked your baby that was laying on your chest.

“He looks like you, Joel. Little Joel Miller is here.” You teared up adoring your baby boy.

“Hi there, son.” Joel leaned in to get a closer look at his baby boy. He was tearing up too.

Then the nurses brought your baby to give him a bath, weigh him and check everything. Your baby was healthy and that was everything you needed. Your weak body laid on the hospital bed happy but felt weird.

“I feel weird.” You turned your head to Joel who couldn’t stop looking at his baby boy.

“What’s wrong? Do you want me to call the nurse?” Joel panicked.

“No-no. I just-It’s weird that he’s here now. I used to carry him for 40 weeks and now he’s here. And the fact that we made him.” You chuckled.

“We made him.” Joel shook his head and chuckled at your words.

“He’s a part of the two of us, Joel. Can you believe it?” You started to tear up.

“Hey, hey. Why are you crying?” Joel came to you and sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

“It’s happy tears. Don’t worry.” You chuckled as you sniffled.

“Thank you for bringing him to this world, baby. Our world. I promise I will protect our family  with my life. I love you.” Joel kissed your forehead and stroked your head.

“I love you too.” You smiled and invited him to lay on the bed with you.

Two days went by, you were finally able to go home with your newborn baby. Joel had called your mom and she said she would wait for you at your house with Sarah. Joel took the carseat with your baby sleeping in it then he helped you get out of the car.

“Hold on to me.” Joel put his arms around you. One hand holding your baby in the carseat.

“Ugh..” You groaned at the discomfort you were feeling as you got out of the car.

“You good?” Joel raised his eyebrows.

“Hmm. Yeah.” You nodded.

Joel held your weight and walked you inside the house slowly. 

“Oh my God!” Your mom squealed as she saw the sleeping baby.

“How are you feeling?” Your mom hugged you.

“I’m happy mom. But I need sleep.” You joked. 

“I’ll make you some tea.” Your mom went to the kitchen.

“Where is he? Where is he?” Sarah jumped and ran to you. 

“Hi, sweetie. Your brother’s sleeping. You need to calm down.” You stroked her head and chuckled.

Joel put the carseat on the coffee table so everyone could meet his boy.

“Sit here, baby.” Joel put a cushion on the couch for you to sit.

“Thank you, honey.” You stroked his upper arm and sat.

“Hi Sammy!” Sarah took her baby brother’s small hands and waved it gently.

You and Joel decided to name your son Sam. But he would always be little Joel Miller. 

“Do you want to hold him, babygirl?” Joel asked his daughter.

“Can I?” Sarah got excited.

“Of course you can, sweetie.” You rested your head on the couch and rubbed your belly.

“Sit here.” Joel patted the empty space between you and him on the couch for Sarah to sit.

“Place your hand like this.” Joel demonstrated to Sarah and she followed him.

“Hold his head, okay.” Joel slowly put his son in Sarah's arms. 

“That’s it babygirl.” Joel smiled, proud of his daughter being a big sister.

“You’re a big sister now, Sarah.” You stroked her head.

“I’m your big sister.” Sarah cooed to her baby brother and kissed his cheek.

Joel smiled looking at Sarah holding her baby brother. Then he rested his hand on your shoulder. You smiled at him when he rubbed your shoulder.

“I love you.” Joel mouthed to you.

To be continued…

Taglist:

@lovelyygirl8 @skysmiller @moonlightdivine @crocodiile @angie2274 @pulchritudinousrogers @peqchsoup @msecho19 @happinessinthebeing @nyotamalfoy @nakedmoondiaries @dzaga890 @pa1g3-t0mm0 @prettysbliss @wanniiieeee @one-sweet-gubler @x-ap0llo-x @feministfanboi @ordinarylokix @afterglowsb-tch13 @padgraysonssram8re @tomorrowseverything @hummusxx @iranispunk @mrsyixingunicorn10 @likeanimagepassingby2 @mediocrewallflow3r @pedr0swh0r3 @mxtokko @dorck26 @cascactus28 @cheyxfu @stupidthoughtsinwriting @undermoonlightwalk @bigmoodyjoody @humanbug @sarahhxx03 @krisviciousx @quixscentsposts @dgct2 @dgraysonss @heybabyshae @fluffyspaceprincess @toottmblr @avengersfan25 @xixxala @dianaffddz @onzayhe @violetwitchmcu @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @kelh27

[writeandsurvive]

I'm sorry for this, it's not good. But somehow, I managed to get something done, so I gotta share. Kinda inspired by NCIS S21E08 'Heartless'.

Warnings: age gap, married couple, established relationship, talks of miscarriage, giving birth, jealousy, womanizer!Alden, daddy!Alden, very slight smut

Mine ~ Alden Parker

When you started to date Alden Parker, as he was still an FBI agent, you never considered becoming friends with his coworkers. Especially, after meeting a few of them he would consider his friends and they turned out to be judgmental towards the age gap in your relationship. Not that you wanted to befriend his coworkers anyways, you just agreed to meet them cause he asked. 

However, it changed when Alden joined NCIS. He immediately started to tell you about his new team, and you could he was fond of them all, including his boss - which was extremely surprising since he never got along with his FBI boss, Sweeney. You quickly knew it would be different this time. It did take him a while before introducing you to them, but once it happened, you all hit it off. The guys were quite impressed with Alden wedlocking a woman fairly younger than him, while the girls, even though they wouldn't go for someone older, they agreed that Alden Parker had a little something. "It's the freaking hair!" Jess joked. 

Before you knew it, this new team felt like family. You'd all hang out together - dinners, games night - and sometimes you'd have girls night with Jess and Kasie. You even babysit McGee's twins and/or Victoria a few times. Which, as much as you loved it, did hurt a little since it would remind you of the struggles you and Alden had been having to have a baby. Between not getting pregnant for months and the miscarriages, you had started to think that it wouldn't happen the natural way for you. Also, Alden really felt like he was getting too old to have a kid, no matter how badly he wanted one with you. 

When you reached your third trimester, Alden felt pretty confident that this time everything was going to be alright while you couldn't shut that little voice in your head saying that something bad would happen like the other times. But finally, the nurse put your crying new born in your arms, and everything felt right. "You did so good, my love." Alden cried, kissing your forehead and looking down at his son. "Our miracle baby. He's perfect." 

You didn't want the nurse to take him away from you but you knew they needed to check him up and clean him. "Do you guys have a name for this little guy?" Another nurse asked. You and Alden looked at each other for a second. "Axel Roman Parker." He said, proudly. 

Obviously, the team was in the waiting room. Alden had been at work when you called him to tell him that your water broke. Nick had been the one driving to the hospital, "Torres, I'd like to meet my son before I die, thank you very much!" Alden shouted, holding onto the handle above the window. 

"Don't worry, dad." Nick grinned. 

Your husband went to see them to let them know that mom and baby boy were alright. "Is it okay if you guys only meet him in a few days?" 

"Of course, no rush!"

"Send us pictures though! Please?" 

Alden didn't want to go back to work after his paternity leave. He didn't want to leave his little family. The night before his first day back, he actually felt depressed. "He's changing so much so fast, I'm gonna miss so much." He sadly said, stroking his son's back, who was peaceful sleeping on daddy's chest. 

"I'll take as many pics and videos I can." You kissed your husband's cheek. "And Vance said you don't have to put many hours like you usually do." 

"I know, but still." 

You noticed the tears forming in his eyes and it broke your heart a little. You didn't want him to go back to work either. You wish he could push his leave a little more, but he had pushed it as much as possible already - director Vance had been amazing and made it easy. You wrapped your arm around Alden's neck, carefully so you wouldn't wake up Axel. He nuzzled your neck as you gently stroked his hair. "He loves you and perfectly knows who daddy is. It won't change in a few hours, I promise." 

"I honestly thought it would never happen for me, you know? Before you and then the issues we had, I thought-- I just wasn't meant to be a dad. But now he's here, and I just don't want to be away from him."

"Aw, baby." You cried with him. "I wish there was a way for you to stay." 

The next day, Alden arrived late at work as he struggled to let go of Axel. Jimmy and Tim, who knew how it felt, were very helpful throughout the following week. 

It took you months to separate from Axel, just for a few hours. And even more time to go out for a girls night while Alden had a boys night with his little man. 

"I almost forgot how champagne tasted." You smiled, having your first drink in over a year. 

"Good thing we took a whole bottle then!" 

The conversation between you, Jess, Kasie and Delilah went on as it usually does when you four get together. Jess talked about her relationship with Jimmy, and her dad. Kasie confessed about her new crush - you and the girls immediately hyped her. Delilah talked about her job, and the twins newest obsessions. And you obviously talked about Axel and your husband. 

"By the way, how's Alden's neck?" Jess asked. 

"Perfect! Did Nick really fix him with a bear hug?" 

"He did! It was pretty funny!" Jess laughed, remembering the scene from a couple of days ago. "Doctor Logan probably thought we were crazy." 

"I can't believe that my husband im-so-scared-of-needles-hold-me-hand worked on a heart surgery." You laughed, trying to imagine the scene. 

"Mr I fainted when my wife got her epidural." Kasie teased. 

"In his defense, it's a pretty big needle for this." Delilah said. "Thank god he didn't faint during the surgery though." She joked. 

"Well, if he did, I'm sure Doctor Logan would've enjoyed giving him mouth to mouth." 

You, Kasie and Delilah turned like one person to look at Jessica. "What?" She asked, confused. Then she looked at you. "He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" 

"Um..."

"Jessica Knight."

"The doc clearly developed a crush on him. She practically flirted with him in front of me." 

You let out a deep breath. "Did he flirt back?"

"Not really, he was genuinely confused."

"Did he not learn his lesson with the senator?" Kasie chimed in. 

You finished your drink in one swallow, remembering when he gave you a piece of paper with a number on it. "Whose number is it?"

"A senator." He had said. 

"Alright and what am I supposed to do with it?" 

"You, nothing. But I guess she wanted me to call when she gave it to me." The jerk was smiling while you used to candle flame to burn the paper. 

"I don't care about the 'it's safer for you if people don't know I'm married' crap, I'm gonna glue the wedding band to his damn finger." 

The girls laughed, always enjoying how easily you get jealous when there's a woman around Alden. When you had learned that some women in the office kinda liked your man, you showed up at the NCIS headquarters for the first time and asked for a tour. When his ex wife got involved in a case, you were feeling anxious, even though she knew about you from the beginning, thanks to Alden's parents. The worst actually was when he saw his first love for the first time in over thirty years. He had admitted that it felt very strange, and maybe if he had been single, he'd have pursued something, but he was married to you, and deeply in love with you and he'd be crazy to let you go. It was one of those rare moments when you and Alden were struggling, and fought a little more often. But he never gave you a reason to be jealous or suspicious, it was just a part of your personality. And to be fair, he was such a womanizer, you couldn't help but to think that any other woman would be better than you. 

You got home slightly drunk, which Alden expected. He was happy that you finally let yourself have some fun away from him and Axel. Barely sleeping on the couch, he immediately got up when he heard you come in. "Hey! What are you doing up? Is Axel awake?" You asked, struggling to take your shoes off. Alden kneeled down to help you. 

"He did wake up an hour ago for his bottle but he's fast asleep now." 

"Good, good." You leaned a little and ran your hand through his hair. "I'm so so so so happy you're my baby daddy." 

Chuckling softly, he got back up and wrapped his arms around your waist. "Thank you for choosing me. You made all my dreams come true." You hugged there for a moment, just enjoying each other. "Let's go to bed, baby mama." He started to carry you, grabbing the baby monitor on the way. 

"No sleeping, gimme another baby." He laughed but quickly got cut off as you smashed your mouth on his. He managed to get to the bedroom while you practically assaulting him, holding his face firmly and french kissing him. Of course his body was responding positively. As he put you down on the bed, you dragged him along. He was on top of you and you started to make out. It was long until you felt his erected cock between your legs. You reached for it, forcing your hands under his shorts. "Fuck, baby." He moaned. 

"Yes, fuck me daddy." 

And he did just that. ~

After freshening up in the bathroom, Alden found you in the nursery, looking over Axel. He hugged you from behind. "Do you really want another?" He asked, cautiously. 

"Not necessarily," you admitted. "I mean, if it happens, I'll be very happy but I can't go through the struggles again."

"Okay. We've got him and he's absolutely perfect." You stroked your son's hair one more time before turning around to face your husband. 

"He really is." You grabbed his left hand and stared at it for a moment. "This wedding band stays on, Alden. 24/7." 

"But--" 

"No but. I'm done with women flirting with you cause they assume you're single. You're taken, you're fucking mine. You keep the damn ring on." 

Alden stayed silent for a moment. "Jess told you about Doctor Logan, didn't she?" You only looked at him, arms crossed. "Fine, I won't take off my ring ever again." He reached for your wrists and made you uncrossed your arms as he hated when you strike that pose on purpose. He brought you as close as possible to him. "Are you ever going to accept the fact that you're the love of my life? That I rather be single for the rest of my life than with someone else than you? That losing you and now Axel, would absolutely destroy me?" 

All you could do was kiss him, but he did saw the tears falling down your cheeks.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for leaving behind my old friend group?

just note that these events happened about 4 years ago, but I still think about them regularly. my memory is pretty foggy of that time because I was doing pretty bad mentally, so some details may be inconsistent or exaggerated by my mind.

A, M and me, all about 16 at the time, were very close friends. we'd known each other for years and we always hung out at school. we were very classic best friends, we told each other everything, did all of the cringy fandom stuff together, had inside jokes and honestly just complained about everything to each other. I was very depressed at the time, to the point I got hospitalized during the schoolyear. I spent multiple months at the psych ward, and attended the hospital school. I didn't see my friends at all during this time, not that I didn't want to, I just didn't have the energy to send them a message about meeting up, and we didn't normally hang out outside of school anyway. but because I didn't message them at all, they didn't message me either. when I was doing a bit better, I went back to normal school. I had meetings with teachers and other school staff to recieve some special accommodations to make going to school a little less exhausting. I had messaged A and M about me coming back, and they seemed excited for me! but at school they were treating me very differently. they had become colder towards me. mean, even. they'd make snarky comments about me being lazy for having accommodations, mocked my coping mechanisms and slowly starting to treat me as if I wasn't even there. they'd plan things together in front of me without giving me the space to say anything or even asking me if I was available, if I tried to join a conversation they'd just stare for a moment and then go back to talking as if I hadn't said anything. there were a few times I called them out on their behaviour, they apologized and said they didn't mean to do it or didn't notice they were even doing anything like that. they'd even cry while apologizing to me, but after a week at max they'd go back to treating me like air. so at one point I got sick of trying, and I started hanging out with other people. these other people used to be a part of our friend group, but had left because of stuff A and M had said. I discovered that they had said some pretty nasty things about me and my family. after not hanging out with them for a while, A and M would send me messages asking where I went and why I stopped sitting next to them in class, but I blocked them.

I think about these events every now and then, sometimes all I wish is the worst for A and M because of how they treated me, sometimes I wish I would've given them a second chance. I must've been a pretty difficult person to hang out with, since my depression was rather obvious to everyone around me. perhaps they just wanted the happier version of me back. so am I the asshole for leaving them?

What are these acronyms?

[heartss4matthewq]

COULDVE BEEN (PT.3)

contains: car crash, angst, fluff, crying, fighting

new character: jack

———————————————————————

• 10:25 pm

“chris has been in a car accident.”

“what, when?” you said worried

“right before he crashed he called us and said he was coming to your house to talk to you” matt said and you couldn’t help but feel guilty

“chris crashed around like 9:30 but we wanted to come here first because we didn’t want to leave you and have you worried where he is”

“can we drive to the hospital” you said, your voice a little bit shaky

“yeah, let’s go matt” nick said

FLASHBACK

“bro im never getting my drivers license” chris said sounding serious

“what, why” you said laughing

“because i am not trying to get in a car crash” he said

“you won’t, i pinky promise” you stuck out your pinky to chris

as you & chris interlocked pinkies he pulled you closer and kissed you

you kissed back but only for a moment as you hear…

“CHRIS! Y/N! WE GOTTA GO SO WE CAN MAKE IT TO DINNER ON TIME”

PRESENT

“oh my god, is he okay??” you asked the doctors

“we have to run a few more tests and we will let you know what’s going on soon” a nurse said pointing you, matt, and nick to a waiting area

“you guys think he’ll be okay?” nick spoke out

“i mean it’s chris, that kid can do anything and be alright” matt said trying to be enthusiastic

“yeah i hope he’s doing okay”

“Matt! Nick! Y/N! Chris is ready to see you guys” another nurse called out

as you walked over to the room chris was in a worker stopped you

“only one person can come see him at this time”

“matt go first” you and nick said at the same time

“okay i’ll let you guys know how he’s doing”

“matt’s gonna make a joke with him and then he’ll laugh a little too hard that he’ll get hurt” nick said with a smile

you reached in for a hug and nick hugged you back

“i really hope he’s okay” you spoke

“he will be fine i promise, pinky promise”

“y/n you’re next, chris really wants to see you” matt said

as you were walking past matt and nick you could hear them muttering words to eachother

you opened chris room and immediately ran over to his bed and hugged him.

“what did the doctors say??”

“i think they said i had a mild concussion” chris said

“oh my, are you feeling okay?” you said worried

“yeah i feel fine, my head just hurts really bad and my vision is slightly blurry, but i mean other than that, i feel fine”

“that’s good though right, i mean at least it’s not hella severe you know”

“yeah, but i wanted you in here to talk.” chris said in a flat tone

“about what?”

“for how i’ve been treating you, i don’t know what’s been going on with me. i feel like a complete dick for what i’ve been doing. everytime i come back from LA i feel like a different person and i have no clue why. honestly i was trying to get to your house and then boom, car smacks right into me. i kinda feel like this is a wake up call to tell you that…” chris pauses

“that i love you, i say it sometimes and don’t even mean it, but i know what i feel now and i’ve always loved you y/n i really hope you aren’t upset at me and if you are i completely understand”

“chris, i need you to know how deeply i love you. from the moment i met you, i knew you were someone special, and my feelings have only grown stronger since then. it hurts me to see you acting differently towards me because all i want is for things to work out between us. i cherish every moment we've spent together and dream of a future where we can be truly happy”

“times up, nick needs to come in so we can get you guys out so chris can heal”

———————————

it’s been a couple weeks since you last talked to chris

you have no clue if he’s still okay or not but all you know is that you wished he could’ve given you an answer in time

you loved chris so much, and to hear him apologize made you very happy but also sad

you were scared he’d start doing the same thing again

you started to cry, you don’t even know if it’s because you’re stresed or if it’s because you don’t know what chris will do or anything

you sat and cried for almost 10 minutes just thinking about everything

*INCOMING CALL FROM christopher ❤️🧙‍♀️*

you obviously picked up the phone

“hello?”

“i’m out of the hospital im coming over”

“okay, please don’t drive and have matt bring you.”

“okay he will bring me but we have a lot to talk about”

“alright ill see you when you get here, i love you”

“i love you too”

beep

just when you got off the phone you heard someone knock at the door

no way chris is already here, he lives on the other side of town - you thought to yourself

you ran downstairs and looked through your window that was close to your door and you could see who was on the other side of the door.

what the fuck why is jack here

jack was your ex and chris did not like him at all.

chris didn’t like him because jack was like a stalker and over protective, just a weird guy that you should not have dated

“yo what the fuck you doin outside y/ns house bro”

“chill out i didn’t even do anything yet”

“yet?? what does that even mean, you know what just let’s talk then because i already told your ass don’t come to her house”

“bet”

you were still looking through the window and you could see them talking and you heard chris getting louder and louder.

you saw jack push chris

“yo don’t fucking touch me i swear to god”

“or what pussy”

you saw jack reach into his back pocket and grab something L shaped

you realized what it was and ran to the door and opened it

“JACK DONT”

——————————————

a/n: finally posted a part 3 😭😭 i’m in the writing mood soo ima make a part 4 definitely 💋

[fatuismooches]

IT IS ME, the muzzle anon, hello again

after almost 1 year in hospital, im starting uni this year finally :]

being sick really reminds you how nice it is to be healthy, so while I was thinking about dottore and fragile reader I just had thought that reader probably had days where they felt like they were dying as they were laying on their bed. They already have an unknown disease that makes them weak and then a sudden fatigue hits them one morning and they can't even open their eyes, can barely move their hands, their whole body trembling and such- I would be very dramatic when I am sick, literally crying and thinking, "Yep, this is the end."

so imagine going, "I think this is the day I die..." to Il Dottore, tHE DOCTOR.

Dottore just goes, "No. 🤨"

To be honest it probably isn't the end it just their body trying to fight the sickness but reader just immediately starts writing their last will and testament.

"For Boattore, I left my drawings, for Zandy, the plushies I have, for Clowntore, I-"

Then the next day reader is okay, and like, "😐"

(As okay as they can be at least)

So Dottore and the other segments are repeating everything reader said to tease them now.

(Yeah they love reader, yes they were worried, but now that they are okay they are allowed to make fun of them)

swoosh

have a nice day <3

MUZZLE ANON... i just want you to know the muzzling Dottore brain rot still lives in my head rent-free. And congratulations on starting uni! That's such a huge step and I wish you the best, I'm very proud of you and hope you'll do amazing ❤️

Mhm, fragile reader definitely had bad days like that. The pain can be so bad and all you can do is lay helpless, unable to do anything besides wait for it to pass. Even when it's not physical pain, sometimes you simply don't even have the motivation to get up. It's just... really bad sometimes and you can't even predict when it comes, so it just hits you out of nowhere. And every time, you can't help but stress out and worry about what will happen next. Will the pain pass over? How long will it stay? These relentless headaches, aches, and sores? When can you finally get back to normal and go about your life? It seems like an eternity from now, and you can't help but wonder what will happen until then...

The first time you say that he nearly drops the vial he's holding. Did he miscalculate your pain? Is it more grave than he thought? He's going through all his notes again and asking you a bunch of questions rapidly. Until he realizes you're just (mostly) joking and being extra paranoid. His response is always to not be so nonsensical as he sighs every time. You're not going to die while he's around, he says matter of factly. Writing your will is... sort of a morbid kind of amusement for you. Yeah, ignoring the fact that you're planning for your own death, it's kind of fun to decide which segment will receive a little piece of you. There's a section for each of them with a mini-essay. Ahem, just don't let little Zandy know about this because you don't want to deal with a crying child blubbering about how you're going to leave him. And YEAH i imagine fragile reader says some pretty funny and weird things when they're sleeping or half-conscious. Segments are definitely listening in and write down everything you say to bring up later 😭

[quillkiller]

stupid epic fail cringe sad post incoming but today i found myself weirdly missing the night me my sister and my mom were at the hospital waiting for dad to die. i cant even really explain it. i miss being with my sister in the waiting room and we were laughing and hysterical one moment and sobbing and heartbroken the next. nothing felt real. nothing existed except for the two of us. like. two sisters waiting for their dad to die and it took all night. i miss my mom who separated from my dad when i was seventeen and wanted to seperate from him before i was born but she refused to let dad be alone when he died. they gave her a bed, put it in his room. i miss when we went to mcondalds at like 1am and had been at the hospital for 11h already and sleep deprived and i was wearing pyjamas. i bought a happy meal because i wasn’t hungry and my sister asked if i wanted a toy and i started laughing so much i fell down on my knees. then we ate quietly and none of us finished the food. and my dad didn’t die until the next morning at 9am. my mom slept in the room with him and refused to let him be alone. my sister and i couldn’t do it. we were in a waiting area watching some weird fucking wall climbing olympics. my sister fell asleep. our dad was dying. we had been joking the weekend before when i went to visit her that we wouldnt know what to do if he actually had cancer and then he died from a stroke one week later. i told my sister that i didn’t know what i would do if he found out he had cancer and was dying and told us he loved us because i didn’t know if i loved him. then i told him i loved him and meant it crying into his shoulder like when i was a kid and my sister held my hand and he was breathing through a respirator. nothing was real and my childhood best friend i dont talk to anymore texted me she’s sorry. and it was just me and my sister in a waiting room for endless hours, my mom with our dad in another room. the view from the hospital was beautiful and i took a picture. the four of us were a family again. i miss the night my dad died and wish i could put into words what i actually mean by that. i was my little sisters big sister and im always her big sister but we’ve never gone through something like this before. i love my sister more than i love anything in the world. my mom went to therapy a few months back to be able to handle her relationship to our father better and she stayed with him all evening and all night and until morning because she didn’t want him to be alone. we were a family

[every-single-day]

Outsiders 6/2 Recap Yap!

Probably spoilers

- I quite literally cannot get over how INSANE the sound design and lighting design are. Like, I can’t even express my thoughts about it. I wish they could have gotten 5 of each of those Tony’s. Absolutely insane.

- idk if this is how it normally plays out, but Brody didn’t catch two-bit’s keys in Grease Got a Hold and started hitting the floor in anger I was crying

- I was not prepared for how FUNNY this show is !!!!! Every single joke lands and my god there are so many

- LIGHTING DESIGN IN GREAT EXPECTATIONS HNNNNNNNNNNG

- Pony and Johnny’s Danny Zuko ass walks when they go to sit with Cherri and Marcia took me OUTTTTTTT

- “I’m quite an artistic person actually.”

- WHY DID THEY VILLAINIZE DARRY SO HARD???? I know I just asked for Darry angst BUT I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

- Darry still my favorite character idc

- it would be easier to count the actual similarities between the book and the musical than it would be to count the differences atp but y’know I’m not really mad about them. Adam Rapp ate.

- the only change I don’t like is that Pony doesn’t miss his curfew because he and Johnny fell asleep in the lot :( I feel like that’s a pretty essential scene for understanding the depth of their friendship / Johnny’s mental state

- Brody’s mic got FUCKED after the fountain scene he didn’t have full sound until his last 3 words in Run Run Brother

- THE FIGHT CHOREO?!?!?!?

- I see what Jason meant now when he said they changed everything to match the language of the rumble. Wow.

- they really went in on the whole “everything is Ponyboy’s fault” thing damn let my baby breathe

- the way it goes AHHHHH FIRE PONY JOHNNY DALLY NOOOOOO 🔥🔥 and then very abruptly to “Well I woke up this morning 😁” is kinda jarring ngl

- no Curtis brothers reunion 😠

- the applause after the rumble was CRAZY. 30 seconds of cheering and clapping in pitch black darkness.

- Cherri went to visit Johnny in the hospital??? The musical really saves her character I love that for her

- Joshua fucking Boone. I sat there unmoving (was I breathing?) for a solid 5 minutes after Little Brother. I didn’t know what to do.

- I didn’t cry???? Like at all???? I think I was, and lowkey still am, in a state of shock

- YO SODA IS SO FUNNY

- met the whole cast at SD 😀 (except Emma, Sky, and Renni they were out)

- I LOVE YOU BRENT COMER

- Brent’s sharpie ran out of ink and the lady next to me offered to give him hers and he went “😏 i meannnnn I’m not gonna say NO”

- told Jason Schmidt he changed my life when he dropped “chilling in the dressing room” and he started dying laughing and said it changed his life too

- I MADE JASON SCHMIDT LAUGH

- KWP’s teeth are so perfect but he actually terrifies me

- Josh and Rj are so so sweet

- I was the only person in my section who knew Rj (at least by name) and he was so honored and started asking about my day and stuff 😭 then I ran into him again after SD and we talked more and took a super cute pic ugh I love him

- Joshua Boone and I had a spiritual “only black people in the room” connection and when I tell yall we had a MOMENT !!!! I love that man

- I literally saw Brodington Grantifer. With my own two eyes. 10 feet away from me. We made eye contact for half a second. (And then he got manhandled because people are shit and don’t understand how to respect boundaries.)

I probably have more thoughts but those can be posted later when/if I remember them