#I would give you a Hidan as a gift because you deserve

[ladykissingfish]

*Itachi and Deidara, sitting and talking*

Deidara: *holding up his wrist* Danna made this bracelet for me from the little shells he found on the beach during his last mission, hm. Isn’t it pretty?!

Itachi: It certainly is. *holds up his teacup* Kisame saw this at a tea shop and convinced the owner to let him buy one for me, because he knows I like flower patterns such as this.

Deidara: Wow; that was nice of him, hm!

Hidan: *walking into room* Big fuckin’ deal, those assholes you’re dating give you gifts. So what? They only do it so you’ll keep letting them fuck you, you know.

Itachi: Or they have a genuine love and appreciation for us, and they occasionally give us small, thoughtful tokens as a way to express their affections.

Deidara: What the fuck, Hidan? We don’t make fun of you when you come show us the shit Kakuzu gets for you, do we? Oh, wait … THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

Hidan: *mumbling* Kakuzu may be a cheap-ass bastard BUT at least my old fuck is HUMAN, not a goddamn shark and a wooden freak.

Itachi: … pardon?

Hidan: Oh, “pardon” my ass! Would you drop that fake polite shit already?? Itachi I know we’re S-rank criminals but come on, don’t you think that fucking aquatic wildlife is a little goddamn extreme, even for this group?

Hidan: And blondie, how is your mouth even in-tact still? You’ve gotta have massive splinters all down your fuckin‘ throat from choking on puppet-man’s “extension” every damn night!

Itachi and Deidara:

Kakuzu: *walks in* Hidan, what did we talk about?

Hidan: Screw off, old fuck. These fuckers deserve to get made fun of for —

Kakuzu: Every relationship is unique and different and it’s not mature to point out what you consider others’ oddities. Apologize.

Hidan: Ah?! The hell with apologizing! I’m a grown man; you can’t tell me what to do!!

Kakuzu: Very well then; Itachi, Deidara, when Hidan and I have relations, he likes to wear a dress and heels and —

Hidan, furiously blushing: OKAY OKAY I APOLOGIZE! *runs out of room*

Kakuzu: Sorry for the disturbance; I’ll try not to let it happen again. *leaves as well*

Itachi:

Deidara:

Deidara: Called it about the dress, hm.

Itachi: Indeed.

[evartandadam]

could you uh. do a very brief description of how the Akatsuki members act around people they have a crush on. that’d be real funky;;; merci in advance

This is as brief as I can make it haha!

Deidara 

He would be a huge flirt, and probably get a little blushy when his flirting actually pans out. 

He would be a big romantic, and give his crush clay sculptures among other things. 

He seems like the type to be confident in getting what he wants, and he would not give up easily. 

I picture him as a smooth talker and a charmer when he wants to be, but he can be flustered if taken by surprise. 

He would give his crush special treatment, and he would not want to hide his feelings for long. He would view it this way- there is no point in waiting. It’s now or never.

Sasori 

He would be super awkward. I mean, would he even realize he has a crush? He’s so clueless about human emotions that he can barely understand his own let alone another person’s. But he would still act differently around the person he likes. 

He would find practical reasons to be around them, and would make an effort to talk to them. 

I think his crush would have to make the first move. 

Once Sasori receives enough confirmation that his feelings are returned, he would become more bold, and maybe even a bit naughty. 

I think he is also capable of romantic gestures (like a classical poem in a letter), but delivers them with his usual deadpan disposition hahaha (He wants to express himself eloquently but struggles)

Itachi 

He would also be shy with his feelings. Some Itachi fans feel differently, but I think that he feels he doesn’t deserve love, and distances himself. But, like Sasori, he would be unable to stay away and subconsciously come up with excuses to get to know them. 

If he is comfortable around his crush, he would probably tease them a little, and be a little protective of them. 

His crush would have to help him along, and give him confirmation that his attention is desired. 

Itachi is a very well-spoken, thoughtful person, and he wouldn’t struggle to tell his feelings if he were determined to confess. 

I think the big give away that Itachi likes someone is that he may actually smile around them.

Kisame 

He would be adorable, wouldn’t he? 

Depending on if his crush is a ninja or not, he would challenge them to a duel, or simply look out for them.

He would act like himself, but be a little bit softer with that person. 

He would be protective and thoughtful. 

If his crush flirts with him, he would definitely not know what to do. I don’t think he would expect his crush to like him back. 

The ideal situation for Kisame would be an excuse to keep his crush warm in an unforgiving blizzard hehe. 

Kisame would never confess his feelings unless his crush directly tells him first. This is because of his past. 

Hidan 

He would display his love with primal mating rituals (I’m half joking). As in, he would bring his crush a dead animal, or sacrifice something for them. 

He is the type to make fun of his crush and tease them a lot. 

He may try to aggravate and fight his crush (assuming they are a ninja). This is because he is attracted to strength. 

He is a natural flirt, so when he actually likes a person, that flirting is ten-fold.

 Like Deidara, he would have no interest in keeping his crush a secret. He would also be surprised if his flirting actually worked. 

He would like to play games and chase. He really is like an animal haha. But he would be an entertaining suitor, if his crush can handle him.

Kakuzu 

He would not want to admit to himself that he has a crush. Kakuzu has no interest in forming attachments at this point in his life. But if it snuck up on him, he would act differently towards his crush from others. 

The biggest sign that Kakuzu likes someone is if he doesn’t lose his patience with them. 

Kakuzu is likely experienced, and would actually be pretty slick. He would get alone with his crush and make a no-strings-attached physical advance. 

He would probably lie to himself that it is only a physical attraction, nothing more. But if his crush was persistent, they will eventually get him to open up. 

I think he would act like his usual grumpy self around his crush, but would secretly be a softie with them. Kakuzu would let his crush get away with things others can’t.

Konan 

She would be pretty much guaranteed to get her crush. 

She would be romantic and smooth. She is a thoughtful, creative person. 

She would give her crush origamis and other gifts. 

She would take initiative and invite her crush to things, and create opportunities for her crush to make a move. She is calculating, and highly sought after. 

She would also flirt, but because she is naturally intimidating (due to her calm and royalty-like demeanor), her crush would be unsure of her intentions. 

She would have no problem taking the initiative, and would enjoy flustering her crush- making them blush/embarrassed. 

You can tell Konan likes someone when she shares her past/emotions with them. And if she greets them warmly. 

Pain 

He would find reasons to see his crush. 

He would want to impress them, so he may brag a little bit. He would show the person he likes around Ame, and display his best qualities, much like a resume.

He would not want his crush to see him in a vulnerable state. 

He would be good with his words, and a bit of a flirt as well. You can tell he likes someone when he gives that smirk and says something a little naughty.

Unlike a lot of the other Akatsuki, he would make the first move, since he is confident (as long as he is in Pain’s body). He would be more shy as Nagato.

[kyoties]

Just because a lot of people have been asking, I’ll just let you all know that I’m going to do a Part 2 for the Yandere! Shikamaru. I’m also going to share a bit of the background behind it.

Needless to say this is thrown together while I’m sick and it’s not a fic. I’ve had this idea in my head for a few weeks and I’ve been itching to document it.

After the war, Shikamaru begins having nightmares -- his father, Asuma, but especially of Hidan. He invades his dreams, mocking and berating him over every little thing. It became such a hindrance to Shikamaru, he resorted to sleeping pills. When that didn’t help, he just stopped sleeping -- racking up about twenty hours of sleep a week. He was suffering physically and mentally, but he continued taking missions and working.

After a terrible accident, Shikamaru was temporarily suspended and sent home to properly take care of himself. He was frustrated, tired, and on the verge of a breakdown. But then he realized--

Hidan was still around and he could resolve this himself by confronting the issue in-person. He decided to go at night, making his way through the Nara’s forest to the exact spot where he defeated Hidan. It took hours just to clear the rubble, but he finally found what he wanted.

(I refuse to believe Hidan can die from not eating. If he can get his head cut off, he can live without food, too.)

Hidan’s grouchy, as obvious as it may be. “What the fuck do you want?”

“You’ve become a nuisance to me. I’ve come to finish the job.”

Hidan can only laugh at him. “You idiot! I’ve already told you that I can’t die! What a fucking loser!”

This goes on for a while, the two talking and cursing at each other. Shikamaru doesn’t understand why someone like Hidan can get under his skin now. Hidan simply states that it must be Jashin-sama’s doing. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep, but Shikamaru humors him.

Anytime Hidan can talk about his Jashin-sama is a good time. Nobody ever wanted to listen to him about it in the Akatsuki, so he’s very willing to share his knowledge. You see, Jashin was the true god of the underworld. He was the evil in all humans and those that killed in his name were rewarded for their faith. Hidan stressed that although Jashin was predominantly seen as barbaric and bloodthirsty, he truly loved all of his followers. Shikamaru doesn’t really believe in it. How can a god like that be real when nobody actively worshipped him?

They continue discussing Jashinism in detail. For months, Shikamaru heads to the forest and digs him back up. Again and again. It comes to a point where Shikamaru finds solace in speaking with Hidan. Relationships come up, and Shikamaru lets Sakura’s name slip. Unfortunately, she doesn’t like him the way he does.

Hidan calls him stupid. Of course she doesn’t like him! He isn’t motivated by anything! If he had Jashin-sama at his side then he could get anything he wanted! Shikamaru is obviously disgusted -- being in any part associated with a god of death would only lower him to Hidan’s level and he knew he was better than that.

“Hey. Hey! You think I was just BORN immortal?! It was a gift from Jashin-sama! I killed in his name and I was rewarded like I told you!”

“But I’m not--”

“You’re a pathetic piece of shit! You’re too afraid to talk this bitch, huh? Jashin-sama could use a guy like you, y’know? Maybe, if you’re lucky, he’d give you what you want!”

“I’m not a killer like you.”

“You don’t have to be! Aren’t you supposed to be smart? You could get away with it if you wanted to.”

Shikamaru knew that, but he would never say it. He was supposed to be a good guy -- protect the weak and defeat any evil-doer that went against him.

“You know that... with Jashin-sama on your side.. that girl could be yours, too. Hell, why not just use any guy that gets in your way? Nobody has to know and you’ll be getting what you want.” He smirked devilishly. “Don’t you think you DESERVE her?”

“That sounds...” Shikamaru stands up, kicking Hidan’s head back in the hole. “Go fuck yourself.”

He doesn’t go back. Not for a long time. Part of him agreed with Hidan -- that he deserved Sakura. He respected her and treated her better than any other guy. But she just never saw him in that light and it was frustrating. By now, the nightmares that had once terrorized him were replaced with new ones. Ones where he killed people, wielding a scythe. His skin was black and marked with white across his face and limbs. He smeared their blood into a crude sigil and let a few drops fall onto his tongue. Then he would wake up, his heart pounding and hair drenched in sweat. But he wasn’t fearful. He felt strangely giddy after every dream -- that he was one step closer to his goal. Jashin-sama was coaxing him -- knowing well what an asset he would be.

Shikamaru dug Hidan up again. But this time, he just wanted to know one thing:

“How many people would I have to kill for Sakura to love me?”

[jashindoesntloveshidan]

Wrong. "Death" does not frighten Hidan (neither does he think as something without meaning). It is the ultimate gift from his Lord and saviour, and if anything he longs for it so he can finally meet his god. Don't take away such an important fact from him. -H.

You know, for a closed/affiliated rp blog, my Hidan’s been getting quite a bit of attention on tumblr. Which is cool (and very unexpected). I have 100% honestly been waiting for someone to call me out for something. I’m glad it’s happening now, when I’m at a good comfortable place with my portrayal, rather than when I was a new baby beginner (since he is my first muse ever lol). So, instead of ignoring this ask and continuing on like I was prepared to do, I think I’ll just elaborate on my choices instead.

The see more is here bc of length, but also bc i don’t wanna bother anyone else from TTU w this rant lol.

So, I feel like I should start by putting it out there that this doesn’t upset me. I love Hidan with all of my heart, and I‘m glad there are others who take interest in his extremely multifaceted and mysterious character. If you truly are a Hidan fan, you would understand that because he is such a vague character, there are a billion trillion different takes on him. From violent and heartless with no real reason, just kill kill kill jashin jashin jashin; to huge explorations of his psyche and past. As someone who is writing for him, I like to give and take from everything I see. I want him to be unique, of course. Not pump out the same old morbid, one track minded, blood hungry, religious sociopath.

Don’t take this as me trying to make an entirely new character out of him, either. That isn’t what I want to do, obviously. But, here’s the thing: I’m not quite sure how in depth you went searching through this blog, but this is an rp for a modern AU. I can say it again for you, just in case you misunderstood.

This. is. a. modern. alternate. universe.

And if that doesn’t make it abundantly clear: he is also in college. I understand how conflicting that is. “How can a character based on murder and sacrifice ever fit in this kind of au?” Great question. And, it can go for a lot more places on tumblr than just my blog- what, with all the other wild au’s out there. But, I think that calls for a deeper reading on his character, yeah?

Kishimoto even said himself, Hidan is an empath. Wild, right? How can someone claim to be empathetic, but literally leave his home for the sake of keeping violence alive? These are the things you must consider when constructing his personality.

Now, to finally get to the point: is Hidan afraid of death? I have seen many a post about this topic scattered around tumblr, and I find it very interesting.

Yes, the almighty Lord Jashin thrives off of sacrifices, and promises an unimaginably wonderful afterlife to his deserving servants. It sounds like the perfect plan. Why be afraid of death when

Jashin has an immense meaning to him? That, you are right about. He would never blindly believe in something. I am not saying that he is doing this just to do it. But, keep in mind, he converted to Jashinism. He wasn’t born into it. Something happened in his life that lead him to this safe haven where he can be free to bask in what *he* believes in. Whether or not it’s selfish is another topic, but you can’t deny that it was for personal gain. You don’t think, just a little tiny bit, in the back of his mind, he doubts it?

To that you can say “No, Emma, he doesn’t. He is immortal. Jashin has proven himself to be real, and of course Hidan is so loyal and blah blah blah blah blah….”

But hey! Did you forget that this is a modern au already? He isn’t immortal here! All he has right now is the benefit of the doubt.

I can still go on and on and on and on forever. But to wrap it up: yes, Hidan is sure he knows where he’s going after death. He has great ideas and dreams about what is awaiting him, and will hold onto these beliefs as tight as he can. And you’re right, he is excited to get the chance to meet his God one day. But, there is still the fact that no one actually knows what happens after death. Hypothetically, what if nothing happened? And subsequently, what if everything he’s done was for nothing?

And to call myself out, maybe saying “scared the shit out of him” was a little extreme. But there’s no way I’d deny that it is a thought that lingers in the back of his mind.

Thanks for caring about him, and visiting my blog!

[ladykissingfish]

the Akatsuki's reaction to giving/receiving gifts on Valentine's Day (w romantic partner)

Deidara Is beyond flabbergasted to get a present. Never expected anything, didn’t even expect partner to know what this day WAS. If it’s candy or something edible, will open package and scarf down entire thing in one go, smiling proudly when finished. If non-edible, will wear or display or brag about so obnoxiously that the other Akatsuki vow to strangle him (and the person who gave it to him) if they have to hear about it one more damn time. Will also “remember” much later in the day that THEY have a gift for partner, as well. Partner will brace themselves for something explosive, but will instead be pleasantly surprised with a bouquet of rare and beautiful flowers, ones that Deidara would have had to go pretty far out of his way to find. Also attempts to make dinner for partner, which turns out in a fiery, explosive horror (and makes partner question whether Deidara did this on purpose). Obito Serial hugger. Will hug partner before they give the gift, as they’re explaining what the gift is, and long after they eat/put on/whatever- the gift. If none of the others are around, will remove mask and treat partner to seeing his beautiful face for much of the day. Had struggled for a long time on what to get as a gift for partner; didn’t want to do the cliche of flowers or candy. Eventually settled on an absolutely lovely hand-crafted necklace, with lots of different-colored stones, all of which with the Uchiha symbol carved into them. Partner will be awed and honored by Obito giving this to them, and will wear it secretly underneath clothes every single day. Hidan Very loud and entirely graceless. “What the fuck is this shit?!” Won’t accept the gift because “Lord Jashin doesn’t celebrate fucking Valentine’s Day! Are you trying to get me damned to hell?!” Also, upon hearing that the day is named after a Saint, Hidan’s rage will increase tenfold. “Saint?! Saint of what; ass-grabbing?? You want me to celebrate a fake Saint from a fake religion?? Here; I want you to read these Jashinist scrolls and then tell me you still believe in this bullshit.” However, partner is used to this kind of reaction from Hidan, and therefore doesn’t take too much offense to it; will eat or use gift themselves. Later that night Hidan, feeling guilty about earlier, will come up to partner and inform them that they sacrificed “(Whatever partner’s favorite number is)-people to Jashin today, in your honor.” Partner will sigh and nod. Holidays with Hidan are never easy, but they’re certainly interesting. Zetsu The plant-man isn’t really one for giving, receiving, or even understanding romantic gestures or holidays. His partner will be somebody who understands and accepts this about him, therefore the day won’t even be brought up. At the very most, he will observe other Akatsuki members giving their partners gifts or affection, and defuse that the day is special, somehow; might decide to “gift” partner some fresh entrails from their latest victim. Partner tells Zetsu they appreciate the thought, but, no thanks. Itachi Itachi will start off the day feeling a bit morose. Valentine’s Day puts his mind back at the Academy in the Hidden Leaf, and how, every Valentine’s day, his desk would be covered with boxes of homemade chocolates from all the girls. He doesn’t miss the sweets themselves, or even the attention, so much as the feeling; the feeling of being a normal kid in a normal world. A simpler time, a happier time. Before all of this pain and heartache that led him to where he is today. Partner knows that Itachi has days where his mood can’t be salvaged, and will leave Itachi alone on Valentine’s. Will come up to him the next day with a box of dango and some new flavors of tea for him to try. Itachi will put his arms around partner for a long time, ending with a soft kiss on the cheek. Then he’ll make himself and partner a pot of the tea, and the two will eat the dango together and tell each other about their days. It’s the kind of domestic atmosphere that his mother and father shared with one another, and knowing this keeps a smile on Itachi’s

face.

Konan

Konan isn’t one for gift-giving, and neither is her partner. However the two will recognize the sentimentality of the day, as well as the importance of making time for one another (Konan’s Akatsuki missions and partners own busy life don’t leave them a lot of time to spend together) so they both take a day off from their respective missions to be with each other. Nothing very fancy; likely just a low-key day of relaxing, napping, maybe taking a nice walk or having a swim together.

Sasori

Sasori thinks Valentine’s Day, as well as all holidays, are a pointless waste of time. His partner knows this, but will still feel bad if they didn’t get him anything. So they casually walk into Sasori’s workshop while he’s putting together a new puppet, and leave a container of rare oil, one that Sasori has been trying to find for months, at the puppet master’s elbow. Sasori doesn’t respond to or acknowledge this, which partner had expected. What they DON’T expect is, later in the day, they walk into their room and find a small box on their pillow. They open it, and inside is a miniature puppet, small enough to fit in their hand, that is a near-perfect replica of themselves. Eyes, nose, lips; even the light scatter of freckles across the cheeks. A tiny card is also in the box; no words, just a neatly-drawn heart with an S in the middle. Partner will see Sasori later in the day, but, knowing Sasori isn’t one for physical affection, will simply nod at them and smile. Sasori will reward partner with one of their rare tooth-bearing smiles, and the two will spend the rest of the day in sweet contentment.

Kakuzu

If Kakuzu’s partner is waiting on the cantankerous old grump to buy THEM a gift, then they’re out of luck. This is the same guy who once cut off his own frost-bitten toe with a dull kitchen knife rather than spend money on going to the hospital and getting a proper amputation; so partner sure isn’t waiting on flowers or candy. However, Kakuzu is not as mean as he presents himself; at least not to his partner. Partner will remember all of the nice things Kakuzu has done for them in their relationship, and, even though the probability of them receiving a return gift is very slim, will still give him something. Nothing flashy or fancy; they will most likely knit Kakuzu a new sweater or a warm pair of socks, something practical that didn’t cost much to prepare. Kakuzu will act gruff at first ... but it’s guaranteed he will wear that sweater or those socks until they fall off his body. In return, Kakuzu will prepare a meal for his partner (with food that was already in the house, of course) and the two will have a quiet, pleasant evening with one another.

Kisame

Never expected to even HAVE a partner, let alone have the need to remember what he’s told is a romantic holiday. Would have just let the day go by if not for Itachi repeatedly reminding him about it. Knows that partner has a fondness for cats, so, even though Kisame is somewhat afraid of felines himself ((he IS a fish, after all) will procure a cute little kitten for his partner, as well as (again thanks to Itachi’s practical reminders) food and toys for it. Partner is overjoyed and spends much of the day hugging and kissing Kisame, as well as coaxing him to make friends with the animal (who partner names Kisame Jr.) Will make Kisame a delicious shrimp and crab gumbo, which he (and Kisame Jr) will chow down on together.

Pein (Nagato)

Valentine’s Day? Ah, another trivial mortal holiday. No time to waste on — but wait. Nagato’s partner is a mortal, and as silly as the day is, their partner has sacrificed a lot for them, so they deserve something. Gift exchange will likely come on the form of rare-gem jewelry, with Pein gifting a bracelet, and partner, a new necklace. Partner will travel to see the actual Nagato, something which is a very rare event, and the two will spend an afternoon with each other.

[evartandadam]

Best to worst Akatsuki boyfriends, go!

Ooooh ok this is tough. I will rate them, but some can definitely overlap! I decided to describe these based on the idea that it is possible to date them, even though some of them in canon are basically undatable haha!

Kisame: Kisame would be the best boyfriend, man. Really sweet and gets embarrassed easily from cuddles. Can carry you around. Nice muscles. Doesn’t mind making friends. Good boy. He deserves love and endless affection. He has insecurities about himself, so you’d have to encourage him a lot. But he is very stable and loyal. Pleasant to be around in general. A good life partner.

Konan: (including her cause yeah). She would make a caring partner. She is tricky to woo, but if successful, you have really won a prize! She seems cold on the outside, but is capable of making anyone swoon. Would protect you with her life. Very devoted partner. Also, bomb ass eyeshadow and boots. Yum.

Deidara: Dei is a friendly, outgoing guy! One of the least likely to kill you on the spot! A bit mischievous and likely has trouble staying interested after a long period of time. Wants the chase. Still young and very virile. The most passionate! A huuuge charmer. So you have to play games with him to keep him focused on you. Needs a lot of affirmation. If you can maintain a relationship for a long period of time, he would be very loyal and follow you like a puppy dog. Gives gifts.

Itachi: What a nice guy. Acts tough but is actually mush. You have to deal with his horrible PTSD and other issues, but I think a lot of people would be willing to give it a go. Soft boy with layers. Takes time to get him to open up to you, but is honest and sweet. Also has horrible self image, so his partner would have to make sure he knows he deserves a relationship. If he is comfortable, he has a little bit of a naughty side. Likes to tease. Bonus points if you love listening to him give random fun facts. Dork.

Kakuzu: Old grump. Probably a beast in the sheets. Has anger issues, but if you have the right personality type, you are likely to be safe from his wrath. Total tsundere. Wants to have an intelligent conversation with you on ninja politics. Likes books. Basically, a nerd. Tough to love at some points, but he has a soft side (if you dig really really deep!) Likely to have a really hot physical relationship, and the trick is to make it more than just that!

Hidan: Really hot, but crazy! Will likely end up sacrificing you or leaving you when you won’t convert. If you manage to get past these issues, then he can be adorable. Very dynamic, and will obsess over you if you pique his interest. Attempts to display affection in horrible ways (bloody presents). Awkward with romance, but tries. A lovable idiot with a great butt. Sometimes says something profound. Wild card, honestly. 

Pain: Total narcissist. Has no time to love you because he’s too busy calling himself a god- not very attractive. But if you want to go for it, it’s possible to gain his interest. Just tell him what he wants to hear, and he will be extremely protective of you. This could be good or bad. Also, there’s the whole corpse/malnourished-man-strapped-to-a-machine thing. But on the plus side, he can be sweet. Would be a gift-giver. Very intense and romantic with his words (great with speeches!).

Zetsu: His venus fly trap things get in the way of intimacy, unless he splits up. Eats people, so you’ll have to be chill with that. If you only love one of them, that will be awkward. But Zetsu may be capable of love. White Zetsu would be blushy and awkward while black Zetsu would be a devil. Bonus points if you love plants.

Sasori: Psychopathic puppet man may be the forbidden fruit, but he’s forbidden for a reason. Will likely make you a puppet. And if he doesn’t, he probably sucks at showing affection or intimacy of any kind. Almost impossible to pique his interest, let alone maintain it. If by some miracle, you get past the endless walls he puts up, he would actually be a passionate partner (but awkward about how to express that passion). Very devious and forward. Probably kinky. Still might kill you. 

Tobi/Obito: This guy has so many issues. Personality disorder? Really creepy obsessive. Can’t stop talking about Rin. Wants to kill everyone. Manipulates teenagers in his free time. Kidnapped a baby once. If you love him, he is capable of caring for you. Obito still has a direct, honest side to him, deeeeeep down. But he is unstable, and controlling. Thinks he knows best. Doesn’t communicate, just acts- jumps to conclusions. 

Orochimaru: Will probably kill you after horrible torture. Worse than Sasori. You would have to be cool with a lot of child abuse… He’s also creepy, even if he does have awesome eyeliner. I mean, you do you, but yikes. A relationship with him is risky, and he also knows jack squat about love in general. Even Sasori hates him. If for some reason, he develops feelings for you, he wouldn’t even know what those feelings were. Would sacrifice a child in your honor? Make a clone of you? Anyway, he would express those feelings in a weird way.