#I would have had a more interesting and emotionally fulfilling time had I gone that route this year

[maeamian]

Saw Ferrari on Christmas as part of our ongoing tradition of being not at the big tiring family gathering the whole day, and I gotta say if you're thinking of seeing that one: don't fuckin bother. The story is unsatisfying, the acting is solid but lacking, the action is impossible to follow because the main rival to Ferrari is Maserati and they both use Italian Racing Red so you gotta memorize the car numbers if you want any sense of the race, the main character is deeply unlikable and his character arc is literally nonexistent: he shows no growth whatsoever over the course of the movie, the cinematography is the visual equivalent to a picture book for five year olds of all the shots there were like two that were at all interesting, and the ending is deeply unmotivated like who even fucking cares?

[hot-astrology]

Souls on Fire

(Soul Ties)

As we traverse the pages of life, we cross paths with a multitude of souls. Yet, some among them ignite a flame within us, a primal force that beckons us towards them. At a deeper level, our essence recognizes them and whispers that there is more to our story together - a contract to fulfill or unfinished tales to unravel. In this physical realm, it can be hard to remember this due to the barriers that are placed on us. We weren't even given a chance to understand what our soul is, let alone soul ties.

These particular souls we meet bring with them an energy of karma, passion, or pure love. There are numerous types of karmic ties that fall under these titles, but we are focusing on the 3 most prominent ones to further give you an understanding of how you may encounter them throughout our life. There are karmic, twin flames, and soulmates. There’s a saying that you have 3 loves in a lifetime.

KARMICS

The 1st is usually when you're younger or in a stage of immaturity. This is where you guys may idealize each other, and most time's it may start off as friends or having no title to the relationship. This one teaches you boundaries. This karmic relationship will be very interesting, intense, emotionally draining & passionate. You will crave this person sexually. They will be co-dependent for each other's energy as well presence knowing that they are kryptonite. These relationships can bring alcoholism, abuse in all forms, narcissism, and jealousy. They will have you on an emotional roller-coaster, mind lost, soul gone, and reaching out for help consciously but subconsciously yearning for more pain, not even knowing why. The way you meet can be a fated meet like no other and will seem like you would never meet anyone with their deep sexual energy intense hold on your soul. Yet, at the same time, you would never want to run into someone like that person again. They remind you of all the hurt & lessons, and mind fuck games they had you in, you had to learn these lessons, even through all the difficult, murky, lustful waters of sexuality and deceit. I like to say this one is the karmic relationship. This karmic debt is to help change you, and mold you into a more conscious individual who can know when lust and sexual craves can put you in a bad situation that can destroy you mentally, physicall, as well as soulfully. You may look back at this one later on, like, "What was i thinking & why did i stay so long?" Karmic relationships can happen at any time in your life but are more prone to happen when you're younger, and soul is less evolved. As you get older, these relationships tend to be very sexual and harder to get away from. It seems like each karmic relationship gets more and more intense when your soul is still yearning for the old karmic thrills. You can encounter numerous karmic partners in one lifetime, depending on how many karmic lessons you need for your soul to evolve and ascend to the next journey.

Twinflames

The 2nd can be very skeptical and alluring at the same time, which brings a sense of familiarity & similarity between the two partners. These two can be so alike that they trigger each other without knowing it. The meeting; one can be more attracted to the other. This brings your class dynamic of the twin flame. The runner & the chaser dynamic is what usually results in this duo, which can look crazy to others while you both are playing tag in your relationship. It can feel like an obsessive connection, and the more you talk to each other, the more your souls intertwine without consent. The more you get to know each other you feel like you don't want to leave, yet something keeps exploding between you two, causing separation. The twin flame is a mirror showing you flaws within yourself. Many times, the karmic energy is confused with this because they hold similar traits. Both can end up obsessive, but you'll realize that with the karmic partner, you'll stay in the same place for years with no progression. With a karmic, you two could make plans together that usually won't come true. With a twin flame, there is a chance for it to last but with great challenge and change. This energy is similar to Uranus with a touch of Neptune & Pluto, giving you shocking changes and turning you into a new person. Even through separation, you still feel a psychic connection with the other. It's hard to let go because, inevitably, you're leaving a piece of yourself behind for the better. They show you your flaws that you didn't know you had. This is probably one of the hardest to break. Even if one does try to break it off, the other is likely to keep coming back and be filled with regret. Usually when they both part ways on agreement or one tends to escape then both take time apart and let their soul mature, heal, process and overstand the lesson. Only then, may they reunite and can be a more prolific couple or just be best friends. People tend to have numerous twinflames throughout their lives, and they can be family, friends, neighbors, etc. Today, we are mostly focusing on sexual companionship.

Soulmates

Lastly, the 3rd.... I was going to say that this is a partner you find you truly mesh with and have a lot in common with. Which is true but not entirely. This is the one that comes very unexpectedly, and possibly even when you’ve given up on love or when your soul knows you have evolved and deserve more. When you first lay eyes on them, you can feel that they will cause a huge shift in your life for the better. It's the feeling you get when you've known you met the one. You two complement one another, and think of opposition in astrology. Cancer/Capricorn, Aries/Libra, Pisces/Virgo. It's the merging of the divinity inside each person, masculine & feminine. You can lose all standards and traditional mindsets you have been conditioned with and conformed by when it comes to this partner. You suddenly just flow like the water down a creek, and everything else falls into line as it's supposed to. You two may find many similarities yet differences, but nothing is ever perfect. You teach each other for a higher calling and purpose usually this is the time when your soul is ready and has been through so much turmoil and pain or yet you could be a blessed soul that went straight for the goal and gained this emaculate relationship without the the other intense relationships. The soulmate is the one your soul has been yearning for. This is someone you may have known last lifetime or multiple past lifetimes. You feel at home with them because they are from your soul family. People usually only meet 1 soulmate, or they never get a chance to meet them due to so much time and lessons dealing with the lustful and chaotic side of the less fortunate relationships. The world can distance or distract you away from one another, but it's only so long that this pull and connection can be restricted and restrained.

In some cases, we may try to avoid these karmic debts, but it's important to recognize that evolved souls deal with them in a positive approach. In fact, these experiences can be seen as a spiritual mindset for growth and transformation. By facing these challenges head-on, we can develop a stronger sense of resilience and inner strength that can help us navigate future obstacles with greater ease. By taking this information in, we want you to dive deep. Deeper than you have ever gone to your souls core. Listen to its stir of echoes that ripple against your soft internal essence that talks to you from within and guides you through the dark shadow nights and unfamiliar relationships with other entities. They are also here to experience the unexpected and unfamiliar mentally and, also, familiar spiritually. Every experience is not to be great and cherished. Many are to wake you, shake you, and break you into your new souls enlightened path. This creates a new perspective on life, people, relationships, boundaries, accountability, acceptance, desires, self-love, self-worth, and knowing you deserve your soulmate.

If anyone has these type of experiences, and would like to share your experiences, we would love to hear about them in our Ask Box! If you want to know if you're currently dealing with these energies or if you were previously involved with these energies. We are open for readings. Please feel free to email us at Hotastrology444@gmail.com for a composite, synastry, or natal chart reading!

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔: 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐳 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐳 || 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐌𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬...

Fire Divider By graphics-cafe

[addictedtostorytelling]

hi aj! still on my rewatch (slowly but surely) and i reached 9.01. i noticed that when grissom hears on the police radio that warrick was shot he was actually buying a traveller magazine and wonder if he had been thinking of joining sara then. do you think that he would have reached that point even if they hadn’t lost warrick? i feel like his death is the first trigger to grissom deciding to retire. thanks so much for all your patience in answering these! have a great week 🤍

hi, rewatch anon!

good to hear from you again!

so i have a much longer, more detailed post outlining what i think grissom's state of mind re: following sara is between s8 and s9 which you can read here, if you're interested.

but the tl; dr version is that i think while the grissom of episode 09x01 "for warrick" may well have sara on the brain when he picks up the traveller magazine—he may be thinking of her travels and/or be considering going to visit her wherever she is and/or be mulling going on a vacation with her—for my money, he is not yet consciously considering leaving vegas to be with her (or at least not on a permanent basis) for two main reasons.

the first reason why he isn't ready to follow sara during s8 is because he feels that maybe her having some time away from him is "for the best."

as i talk about in this post,

remember: [in s8,] sara has just walked out on him, and for as much as her reasons for doing so have everything to do with her mental health and nothing to do with a lack of love for or desire to hurt him, the bottom line is that her decision isn’t one made in a vacuum; regardless of her intentions, her leaving (and especially so abruptly) does cause him pain and stoke his fears that he doesn’t fulfill her needs. he is left wondering if she could have stayed were he a better partner to her—more attentive, more experienced in love, less “in his own head.” those emotional wounds and self-doubts carry with him the whole time she’s gone, and they definitely figure in to why he doesn’t immediately go chasing after her.

his (flawed) inference is that if he had been providing sara with everything she needed from him emotionally, she wouldn't ever have left las vegas to begin with, so maybe it's best if he—and all of his emotional obtuseness—steer clear of her for the time being while she figures things out and seeks the support she needs elsewhere.

the last thing he wants in the world is to get in the way of her recovery, you know?

his second reason also ties in with the first:

he isn't prepared to follow sara yet because he is somewhat hopeful there ultimately is no need for him to do so.

because he and sara are still in regular phone contact at that time (see episodes 08x08 "you kill me" and 08x12 "grissom's divine comedy"), he has some sense that sara is not completely cut off from him and their life together in vegas; he feels as if that door is still open, at least a crack, and he is as optimistic as a realist/pessimist like him can be that she will eventually walk through it and return to him, once she has sufficiently recovered her mental health.

his plan is to honor her wishes by staying in vegas himself, giving her the time and space she needs to pursue healing, patiently waiting until she is ready to finally return home to him.

though of course he does have fears that maybe she might decide to stay away permanently—after all, it wouldn't be grissom if he didn't struggle to believe in his own lovability—between his own fears regarding his "unworthiness" and his cautious hopes that sara just needs to recalibrate before she is ready to come back to him, he remains firmly planted in vegas for the six months she is away (between november '07 and may '08).

the way i see things, it isn't until after sara's second departure from vegas in s9 that he really starts to consider following her into "the great unknown," not only because he has a sense that, at that point, her absence from sin city is more permanent but also because, as you mention, by then he is himself becoming burnt out on his job and bears some deep wounds from warrick's death which also contribute to his readiness to leave.

as i talk about here,

[by s9,] grissom is a man on the brink.  ever since sara left vegas in s8, grissom has missed her terribly and been struggling with depression. the lab, which was once his safe place, his “well-ordered kingdom” in an otherwise chaotic world, has become increasingly strange and unwelcoming to him, and particularly as the team has changed, with sara’s departure (which sparked the beginning of the end), warrick’s death (which has been, in itself, another huge and devastating blow), and riley’s addition (which has proven to grissom that things will never be the same again as they were before).   add in the extra heartbreak of sara returning briefly to vegas for warrick’s funeral, spending four months in town, and then suddenly leaving again without even saying goodbye—plus the fact that grissom feels as if he may have truly lost her this time around, given his unwillingness to follow her into the unknown—and you’ve got a grissom who is one step away from completely falling apart.  whereas he once took satisfaction and even comfort in his job, nowadays the cases he investigates horrify and disturb him. he’s lost his appetite. he’s having nightmares. he can barely sleep. barely think. one of the worst parts to all of this is that he is without his usual support system: normally, when he needs comfort, encouragement, and understanding, he turns to sara, but he can’t do that now, not with her gone. what’s more: he is almost haunted by sara’s absence. she was at the heart of both his work and his home life. she was his partner, his right hand, his roommate, his confidante, his support system,his best friend, his lover, his spouse, and his whole world. every place he goes reminds him of her in some way, from their condo (which now feels impossibly empty in her absence), to the lab, to different places around the city where they’ve investigated crimes. hell, he can’t even sleep without dreaming about her—about how he’s lost her. she’s everywhere to him and yet nowhere, and he can’t seem to focus on anything aside from the terrible ache in his chest from missing her so much. that’s the mental space that grissom is in going into episode 09x05 “leave out all the rest”—and then the episode starts with sara finally contacting him, after so many months of radio silence, only to break up with him via video email, telling him not to worry about her anymore and acting like what they’ve had is ~over, even though, for him, it very much isn’t. that is the final blow—the thing that pushes him to the absolute brink of his ability to cope.

so, ultimately, it isn't just one factor that brings grissom to the point where he is ready to leave town but rather a concatenation of them.

outside of missing sara, he is also becoming increasingly horrified by the human depravity he witnesses night in and night out on his job (see, for example, his reaction to the case in episode 09x06 "say uncle") and increasingly unsatisfied with the changes to his work life and team (including the losses of both sara and warrick and the addition of riley adams to the graveyard shift).

warrick's death likewise weighs on him.

heavily.

as i talk about here,

obviously, when warrick dies, it’s devastating for grissom, not only because he holds warrick in his arms as it happens but because he loved warrick so deeply. for as much as grissom’s s9 depression is a product of him missing and being heartbroken over sara, it also is a product of his grief over warrick—and i honestly think that had warrick not died at that time, grissom probably would have taken longer to decide to leave the lab than he does in canon; warrick’s death just shuts the door on that chapter of his life in a very final kind of way. he never truly gets over it.

between all of the above stressors, grissom eventually finds that not only is he willing to leave las vegas but he's ready to.

in the past, clinging to his job had always been "enough" for him, but now he finds he does not take the same pleasure in his work as he formerly did and he needs more—a change of scene and venue, new endeavors in which to invest himself, and, most importantly, human connection; specifically, with the love of his life, sara.

as stated above, i do think that had warrick not died at the start of s9, grissom may have taken longer to eventually reach that breaking point, not only because then sara would not have returned to vegas at the start of s9 only to leave again, shattering grissom's illusions that she might eventually come home for good in the process, but also because he wouldn't have been half as miserable at the lab in that case as he ultimately became in canon.

had warrick still been around, he could have probably mollified himself for somewhat longer; kept convincing himself, "i don't need to come to her. she'll eventually come back to me. everything'll be fine. i just need to keep my head down and do my work in the meanwhile—"

that said, i do believe that grissom still would have ultimately arrived at a point where the center could not hold—where it became apparent to him that he just couldn't be satisfied living his life without sara (even for the sake of his work).

even before grissom was ready to follow her in s8, he was still uncomfortable in her absence and longed to be near her again, and that discomfort and longing only would have grown the longer that she stayed away.

though i can't say exactly when, i am sure there would have someday (probably sooner rather than later) come a time when grissom couldn't stand to live apart from his one true love anymore, even if warrick hadn't died.

so if she hadn't been willing to come home to him*, then he would have eventually gone out to her.

* and who knows? maybe if warrick hadn't died, sara might have eventually come back to vegas of her own volition (to stay) once she was ready. after all, she does eventually move back there and even resume working at the lab come s10, so obviously that development isn't outside of the realm of possibility for her.

anyway.

those are my takes.

thanks for the questions! please feel welcome to send more any time.

[nost4lgica]

To confess your loneliness is to confess your failure as a human being. To confess would only cause others to pity and avoid you, afraid that what you have is catching. Your condition is caused by a lack of human relationship, and yet to admit to it only drives your possible rescuers farther away.

So you attempt to hide your loneliness in public, to behave, in fact, as though you have too many friends already, and thus you hope to attract people who will unwittingly save you. But it never works that way. Your condition is written all over your face, in the hunch of your shoulders, in the hollowness of your laugh. You fool no one. Believe me in this; I've tried all the tricks of the lonely man.

David Marusek, Counting Heads

You and dawn are lonely. Lonely and on the street. The bakery is closed, the vendors gone, the doors shut. There are no cats in the street, which is heaped with trash. The solitary tree stands at the door of the building to greet the dawn bringing news of an eternity of no interest to anyone at this superfluous hour. You and dawn are two lonely strangers who have met against their will, without congeniality or curiosity. You know not where you are walking but retrace old footsteps until dawn pours out its kohl blue and departs. You confess that you have erred.

Mahmoud Darwish, In The Presence Of Absence

وجلس حزني تجاهي تأملني قليلاً ثم أجهش الحزن

بالبكاء وبقيت صامتة.

And my sorrow sat next to me, stared at me for a while, then it burst into tears and I remained silent.

Ghada el-Samman, unknown

The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.

TRAVIS (V.O.)

Loneliness has followed me all my life. The life of loneliness pursues me wherever I go: in bars, cars, coffee shops, theaters, stores, sidewalks. There is no escape. I am God's lonely man.

Taxi Driver (1976)

Vincent Van Gogh, Sorrowing Old Man (At Eternity’s Gate)

It is possible to be wild and kind at the same time. It is possible to be both alone and be loved. I have known this to be true. In others. In me. To be loved. And to also still be alone.

Anis Mojgani, In The Pockets Of Small Gods

I have been trying, for some time now, to find dignity in my loneliness. I have been finding this hard to do.

Maggie Nelson, Bluets

The interaction between a genetic bias and life circumstances that constitutes loneliness is generally beyond our control. However, once it is triggered, the defensive form of thinking that loneliness generates-a lonely social cognition-can make every social mole­ hill look like a mountain. When we are lonely we not only react more intensely to the negatives; we also experience less of a sooth­ ing uplift from the positives. Even when we succeed in eliciting nur­turing support from a friend or a loved one, if we are feeling lonely we tend to perceive the exchange as less fulfilling than we had hoped it would be.

John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick, Loneliness: Human Nature and The Need For Social Connection

Lindsay C. Gabson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

[dukeofankh]

When it comes to discussions of kink and porn I tend to see a set of unstated assumptions being accepted uncritically as obviously true--most notably that the natural way people would have sex for their whole lives without the influence of porn would of course be vanilla and intuitive.

It's sort of glorification of innocence and artlessness. Sometimes, there's an idea that sex would just as a matter of course be more naturally spiritually and emotionally fulfilling if we hadn't been corrupted by our modern culture, other times it's more a pretty basic "pleasure is bad. Sex isn't supposed to feel too good." Or, "people have rotted their brains on porn and that's why they aren't capable of enjoying vanilla sex anymore. They felt too good and they ruined things for themselves."

The result of all of that in this case is that people exclude kink from the control group. The presence of kink is, in and of itself, evidence of the harmful effects of porn. Is there more or less interest in kink than there would be without porn? ...Well...uh ... there's a lot!

If you don't think there should be almost *any* if things are going correctly, then people's interest in kink must be being imposed on the population by porn. And even if I could make the case "well, these people had those interests anyway, porn just lets them explore and enjoy those desires," The response to that seems to be "well, they would have safely repressed those desires if they hadn't seen someone else doing them. Which is what they're supposed to do."

On a deeper level, there's also the assumption (also profoundly conservative in character) that there is a natural order. All people are meant to do a specific set of things just inherently, which will lead to ideal results. Life is lived best attempting to imitate that platonic ideal of that ideal life. You can do otherwise, but you shouldn't. You're meant to do things in that one way and to do otherwise is just kind of obviously not going to be as good. There is an ancient way, which people stray from because sticking to it is hard, but it is in our best interests to keep to it as best as we can.

The truth is that kinky sex has just as much capacity to be deeply connecting, emotionally fulfilling, and just the natural result of people getting in touch with their own desires and finding people they can trust. People are all different. I've had experiences that have been deeply emotionally powerful and intimate that would make someone else feel deeply uncomfortable (and vice versa, I'm sure) Sometimes, it's more work. There can be more risks involved. Part of why we're only supposed to have sex with adults is because it's a fundamentally risky and overwhelming act. It takes a level of maturity.

People might be legitimately frightened about the fact that the way our culture teaches us to handle sex does not tend to build that maturity and care into how we actually perform it. But I don't tend to hear arguments for more sex ed from those people. I tend to hear a lot more about all the gross nasty violent things people are into "these days". And they don't feel that "hypersexualized culture" has been "worth it". As if it was a bargain that anyone had any right to negotiate. Even when folks seem okay with the idea that they can't police someone's individual sexual choices, they then seem to turn around and wistfully fantasize about an environment where those individuals simply have never had the chance to learn that they could make the choices that they don't approve of. That if x or y influence was gone, people would do sex the Right Way. It's a pipe dream.

[gkt-tummyaches]

ppnkg sibling hcs

the punks' familial bonds are deteriorative at best. they were kind of set up for failure from the beginning, both in how they were raised and how they parallel the puffs.

it's not like oppressor plutonium cared about them beyond what they could accomplish. they weren't more than weapons for him to set loose and leave lying around when he didn't need them - far from the best environment to grow up in, especially factoring in the lack of socialization, nurturing, or education. it's not unreasonable to assume most of their childhood was a hostile environment; outside, inside, during fights, during the down-time.

brute got through it by mirroring herself after her creator. figured out how to be mean, cruel - took what she wanted, didn't care about sharing or who was left wanting in place of what she tore from them. without restraint, she quickly rises to the top: she's far from a leader, too self-focused for it, but a bread-winner of sorts.

having based her actions on plutonium's doesn't mean she ever liked him, though. there's a level of humiliation that comes with submitting to the hand that could throw you out just as easily as it took you in. there are benefits to it, too, if you're able to swallow your pride for long enough.

in the years spent growing meaner, stronger, more independent, brute distanced herself from her sisters. she's the oldest. there's some level of responsibility there, even if - much like anybody else in brute's life - she cares little for them, sees them as annoying little leeches that depend on her for survival, and yet,,, she doesn't let them starve.

to brute, it's transactional. beneficial in the long run to play the same game plutonium played on them - to have them feeding out of her palm is to have them ready at her beck and call.

it's like funding a project. it'll pay off to be 'generous' to them now, for if she ever needs them later. (not that she ever will.)

which leaves brat. she and brute had never really gotten along; they're both too independent to work together, and unlike her, brat suffers an unfortunate case of humanity.

she's not heartless. she'd like to be - wonders how things would be if she had followed in brute's footsteps, if she'd gone for cold+callous instead of personable+playful as a persona. it'd certainly make leaving berserk behind much easier, except she couldn't and wouldn't.

brat didn't have a role model. didn't want one. she'd always had an interest in the creation of things - how would the reinvention of herself be so different? brat decided she'd be something of a guide to berserk until anything better came along.

spoiler: nothing better comes along.

because berserk is young, volatile, needy. every new interaction with a stranger is a learning curve, trying to enroll her in to education is a nightmare, each step forward is several back because she doesn't understand anything.

brat had thought brute turned out fucked up. she's pretty sure berserk takes the cake. it takes her a while to reconcile with the fact that brute + brat never really entertained berserk that much growing up; shoved her aside, cast her off, dismissed her whenever she got too annoying. brat was too busy arguing with brute to ever really consider the isolative impacts they'd been having on berserk.

a part of her is guilty. the other part of her is angry that it's now her problem. it's both these things that then go on to complicate whatever fulfilling sisterly relationship she could've had.

it's very obvious that berserk looks up to her. wants to have somebody close to confide in, spend time with, even under the more brash and emotionally-unintelligent aspects of her charcater. it's a shame brat resents their childhood situation enough to be unable to give it to her.

they can be,,, friends. friends are good: it's more than what brute has with either sister, so it'll have to do.

i think there's also a lot to be said about them that all three of them, in some way, are self-serving above anything else - and how that makes expressing care or 'love' very difficult. brute and brat both frame their acts of vigilance as some kind of responsibility; [in my general hc] brute lives away from the girls, but sends money back - a hefty amount at that, for them to do with as they please; and she pays their bills on top of it. it's almost like she isn't there, but in her own way she's trying to support them. brat takes on the role of berserk's 'roommate' more than her sister. she can't handle the burden of being an older sister, but she'll often buy berserk gifts to tide her over and keep her entertained. it's a way to keep her happy, from a distance. it makes it interesting that by comparison, berserk just wants love and attention. she has nothing to show for it, nothing she can offer her sisters the same way they give her money and toys. being unable to reciprocate makes the gap between them feel all that much larger.

[br1ghtestlight]

extremely long analysis of felix and calvin's relationship that i probably put more effort into than the writers did when writing them

obviously their relationship is super unhealthy but im more interested in WHY their relationship is like that and what caused them to behave like that, i dont think its a big surprise that they probably didn't have a good or healthy childhood and experienced abuse and neglect (growing up in a rich and powerful family in 1950s america) and since calvin was the firstborn son his dad probably had very high expectations for him and groomed him from childhood to take over the company and made it his responsibility, calvin was probably a lot closer with his dad and almost certainly his dad made it VERY CLEAR in both life and death that he preferred calvin to felix, not only bcuz calvin is his firstborn son but also because he more effectively fulfills the role of traditional masculinity and structure vs felix who is a lot more dramatic needy and whiney and therefore not what his family needed when it came to their business (this is probably also why he was shipped off to boarding school, his family didn't even want to deal with his existence) and while calvin was favored by their parents that doesnt mean he actually had a good or healthy childhood, his parents most likely didnt play with him or allow him to express emotions or desires and he really was just like groomed to be this perfect responsible child and even if he doesn't fit into that role 100% of the time he still holds himself to the expectation that he has to be perfect or that he just is perfect without trying

ANYWAY i do not personally believe that their mother or father were very interested in actually being parents, they had the expectation of having children bcuz of the time period they were living in and needing to continue on their financial legacy after they were gone but there wasn't like an emotional aspect of loving their children in a healthy way (cant even blame them bcuz that was just society for everyone before like the 1970s) and calvin was mostly raised by like maids and nannys while his parents worked or just fucked off for weeks at a time and when felix was born he required a lot more emotional nurturing and love that his parents physically could not give him and so calvin was essentially given the expectation that he would raise felix when he was like only eight or nine years old himself, obviously their workers would take care of stuff like feeding them and diaper changes but any emotional connection or actual guidance in life was given to felix by calvin rather than his parents which was NOT great for either of them!!!!

basically there was a lot of parentification going on with calvin and felix which leads to felix both being jealous that calvin got something he never did (his parents love respect and attention even if it was not healthy for him) and also feeling like he needs to impress calvin and that he needs his approval and support in everything he does, he is CLEARLY emotionally immature having spent his entire life being taken care of and babied by calvin rather than actually facing consequences for his actions or having any real freedom or control and calvin never seeing him as an equal or giving him respect is both something that he depends upon and something he desperately wants to escape

calvin still feels the need to control every aspect of felix's life even when he's an adult like he controls where felix lives/when he sleeps/what he's allowed to eat and his finanical pursuits, i do believe calvin is coming from a good place when he does this bcuz he's been brought up to believe that felix was his responsibility and he probably is right that felix has very little self control or real world experience, and if he was left to his own devices he would probably fuck up his life in ways we cant even imagine bcuz he's very stupid and immature, but by denying felix the right to be an actual adult with agency over his own life he's created this weird baby man who is completely out of touch with reality and has no responsibilities

it is also true that felix CAN do things that he wants to do, he doesn't actually need to follow calvin's rules or instructions he could just leave and get a job buy his own house and live his own life but he either consciously or subconsciously doesn't want that level of control bcuz never had it before

felix feels like he's never been respected or treated like a real adult by calvin (or his parents but they're dead so less relevant) and he's desperate to prove that he IS responsible he IS mature and capable of taking care of himself and making his own decisions, whether that be opening his own nightclub or murdering calvin and taking over the company, he both needs calvin's approval and respect in everything he does and wants to be the sole focus of calvin's attention (something he never got from his parents) but despises how calvin babies him and doesn't take him seriously

calvin obviously feels a lot of responsibility for felix's actions and believes that he has to be the one who takes care of him and makes sure that nothing bad happens to him bcuz that is what their parents always told him, if felix commits a crime its up to calvin to cover it up or help him escape he doesn't ever hold felix responsible for his actions bcuz in some way he is ALSO responsible for everything felix does, if felix tries to murder someone and calvin doesn't stop him then it is also calvin's fault in the way that everything a toddler does is in some way the byproduct of the parents bcuz toddlers are too young to really understand the implications of what they are doing and need to be controlled by someone, but the problem with this is that FELIX IS A MIDDLE AGED MAN WHO NEVER GOT THE FREEDOM TO MAKE MISTAKES OR EXPERIENCE CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS ACTIONS (and in many ways this is bcuz they both grew up extremely rich and never had to deal with the stuff that normal people would in the same situation, money makes everything easier)

felix always knew that calvin was the favorite son and now that their parents are dead and he never got their approval the next best thing he can get is calvin's approval, this results in a really toxic cycle of felix doing something incredibly stupid or expensive to prove to calvin that he's important and responsible or that he is capable of taking care of himself, when he ends up failing bcuz of his own lack of experience instead of facing consequences or learning calvin comes to his rescue and makes all the bad things go away so that felix doesn't get in trouble bcuz he feels that felix is his responsibility, rinse and repeat and thats FINE bcuz they're stupid idiot rich cartoon characters but generally not the healthiest relationship for either of them!!!!!

calvin feels responsibility for felix and his actions bcuz he basically raised him, treats him not like an independent person but like a small child he still needs to protect, calvin gets angry that he isn't being respected while simultaneously looking up to calvin and craving his approval as if he were his actual parental guardian and starts acting out

i do think underneath this toxic and unhealthy dynamic there is genuine love on both sides of this relationship and im sure they have happy memories together and games they used to play when they were kids, calvin and felix DO love each other and care for each other in a very real way, it actually might be the only genuine emotional connection in either of their lives but bcuz of their unwillingness to challenge each other or improve as people (mostly bcuz they're rich assholes) their relationship will always be extremely fucked up bcuz part of loving someone and having a relationship with them IS!!!! improving yourself bcuz of them, challenging yourself and respecting them as a person which is something these brothers clearly have no ability to do

[pinazee]

What did you think of Spock/Chapel chemistry season 2? are people just hating or did they lack it post episode 5 Charades.

I am not a fan of this ship, objectively, so I will like a more objective response and you seem to be fair to all trek ship. this is why I like to ask you questions.

Is it just hate when you see people say spock/chapel had no chemistry in season 2?

A lot of people and even critics said they had chemistry in season 1. do you think it is because they teased a will they or wont they hook up and people love a build up more than the actual relationsip?

It is as if the chemistry was gone once they got together after Charades? I don't know if that is fair or if it is because they have so many haters. However I do know a lot of critics, did not talk much about their chemistry in season 2 either.

Its interesting SNW did a big buffy homarge with the musical but the way they wrote the spock/chapel stuff did mirror some buffy couples. for instance Xander leaving Anya at the alter when he gets a message from the future that their marriage fails is similar to Chapel dumping Spock because Boimler tells her, she is not in his future. Cordy/Wesley were built to be a couple and had the chemistry for that but once they tried, the romance failed and there was no chemistry.

As I said, I don't like this ship, it just has too much baggage that was more negative than positive, but I do still like objective un bias opinions and you seem to be one of the neutral trek fans, who can be fair, so what are your takes on the chemistry of spock/chapel before and after they hooked up.

Thanks for the ask :)

I do think there was a tonal shift to Spapel once the relationship formed, but i also think the writers did that on purpose. I think this relationship is supposed to serve both Spock’s and Chapels overall separate arcs.

What I’ve gotten from it is that Spock’s experimenting with his more human emotions and letting himself feel more openly. So pre-relationship its just fun, intense, wanting. I honestly don’t think he was thinking beyond i want to be with her. So when they did get together, and he showed Chapel this sacred piece of his soul, it was terrifying. Because what if she left after he exposed this fresh and raw part of himself? That fear maybe led him to be too emotionally codependent.

As for Chapel, she has some unclear romantic baggage we haven’t seen yet, though, she’s said she doesn’t let people get close anymore. But then Spock came along, and he was kind and protective. He also listened to her and valued her. Whether she liked it or not, she fell for him pretty quickly. I mean, sometimes you just can’t help when the right person comes along. But then the relationship formed. Chapel, having apparently been stung before, wanted it to go slow because she too was afraid it would end, and she’d get her heart broken. Then Boimler all but said as much was going to happen and that was that. It was a like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Why become more attached to something doomed to fail?

So yeah, pre-relationship both are so caught up in their intense crushes, and then in the relationship they both need vastly different things (spock- a five year plan, chapel- space to figure it out).

It’s like they took the line “having is not so pleasing as wanting” and ran with it haha

Idk about the chemistry to be honest. I never really felt anything between them but i also never shipped them. It was too rushed, he was engaged for most of it, and they even had less screen time than la’an and kirk. I think if we got a scene of them just hanging out, maybe learning some more about Chapel, i think i might be more invested? Idk. Could also be because Chapel feels sidelined to Spock story-wise (which Ive gone more in depth in another post).

I uh, don’t know if this answers your question or if i just vomited up some nonsense haha

[syntiment]

hello you've got me very interested in edancy, i love a good rarepair ;) im very curious, was there any specific thing that made you ship them, like a moment in s4 or something you read or saw that reminded you? im interested how you came to this ship, its intriguing to me and i'd like to hear your perspective on it!

also LOVE your art it's so beautiful and pretty and so warm and makes me have the warm fuzzies, i love it!!

AWW THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Welcome to Edancy hell, we have matching jackets. I also call the ship Seven Miles with my friend so if you ever see me refer to that, I'm talking about Edancy.

They have a lot of very subtle moments on screen that really made me interested in their character dynamic. The fact that Eddie just knows that the Wheeler residence is seven miles from his trailer THAT quickly- the ways he's very touchy with her, Nancy's interaction with Wayne and not buying people saying he's a killer immediately. They share a lot of looks that give me a vibe. And also the entire scene with Eddie pep talking Steve "if it were me I would get her back" and then making Steve cover up can both be read as a bit of jealousy which is a fun take on it.

They very much fulfill that opposites attract quota in terms of aesthetics with Nancy being mostly dressed in pastels and seeming very put together and organized while Eddie is in a lot of dark grungier clothing with a more laidback and laissez faire attitude. And yet they have a lot of the same core values with both of them being fiercely protective of whoever they consider "their" people, they have a distinct lack of respect for authority because of being failed by those in power around them often, they both have rather niche interests and are sort of loners even despite the initial appearance (ie: Nancy has enough friends to be counted on one hand, none of whom are very close to her. And despite the Corroded Coffin boys being Eddie's group at school, none of them went looking for him when shit hit the fan). They're both extremely passionate and stubborn people, the perfect types to uplift and encourage one another through the pursuits of their interests and who are both independent and reliant in equal parts to make the balance of their relationship work very, very well.

In short, they have the perfect personality types to make a romance between them really work out long term. Plus, they both can understand and relate to a lot of what the other has gone through. Survivors guilt is a huge aspect in both of their stories.

Eddie needs someone who won't back down and will help him stand his ground and who's motivated and dedicated enough to be able to give him the fire to follow his dreams and stand against the tide. And Nancy needs someone emotionally available and light enough to remind her that there's more to life then the isolation and expectations she lets people press upon her, and someone who will put the wind under her wings when she's getting weighed down by her own self doubt and fears of failure.

And the other is quite literally the exact archetype to achieve those points.

I came into liking Edancy because they had a cute dynamic on screen but I'm also a collaborative creative writer in my free time (which is a fancy way of saying I roleplay really huge DnD scale elaborate storytelling venture epics with friends where we write canon and oc characters in a show/game/movie setting, in this case we're writing our take on Stranger Things Season Five) and my friend and I jokingly talked about them as a romantic relationship, quickly realizing just how good for each other they are. And the more we looked the more we discovered a really strong chemistry and it was all downhill from there basically. We're hooked. Edancy is by far my OTP right now, I'll die on this hill honestly. My friend is here with me, also dying on this hill LMAO.

ANYWAY THIS IS VERY LONG- but yeah, there's a lot about them that just... work very well.

[eddies-house]

Ok, I'm finished with work, I'm here! 🤣 I did read this before my shift but was waiting to do a proper response till now. It was super early and it was thundering and lightning and raining real hard outside and it was the perfect setting for reading this chapter ⛈️

The flashbacks! The way you wrote her pain was so real. Particularly her feeling paralyzed by it, both of them shells of who she thought they were. Her describing him as home, that was gut wrenching. I was hurting reading it. And then the sugar analogy, he really is gritty but sweet. this whole paragraph was my favourite part I think. You've created such good imagery, it's fantastic.

And then they get mean. I liked that she clapped back though. I've seen mean Eddie fics before and sometimes reader is kinda meek and just takes it (no shade at all, I would 200% be like this in real life) but roadkill does not. The line 'you had no intention of entertaining a conversation with someone who never had your best interest in mind' hit hard. People need to bear this in mind more often (definitely not me 👀) it's inspiring. but he really does try and that part where they're admitting they like eachother but it's all wrong because it's too late. This was 'stick a fork in my heart and just pluck it out beat it to death' angst. Just amazing writing. It's like they're breaking up and they weren't even together.

The self fulfilling prophecy situation Eddie's created for himself was hard. He's convinced he doesn't deserve love and fucks up every good thing in his life, and he makes it so. Isn't mature enough at the time so see it doesn't have to be that way, that he could make better choices. And so the kitchen scene at the end proves it. Poor roadkill. Proves that then was not the right time for them. He needed to get to the present day point to realise that he can make better choices, and he does 🖤

And now they're trapped together! And a totally different kind of trapped than just working together. Forced proximity within forced proximity. Very clever, see what you did there! I love that he's such a rock for her in her distress. And his thoughts on if she were his, how she never would be, how he's somehow fallen even harder. Stop iiiit you're killing me 😭 although this undoubtedly confirms he's got zero going on emotionally with Steve, and he even tells her that! Fist bumping the air at that! Their whole conversion after this was amazing. He's being so honest and she's clinging onto this shitty version of him she's gotten comfortable with because she's stubborn. and seems very good at holding a grudge and I relate to this so much. You have no idea. 'Don't mess me up with your niceness when I'm not used to it, I don't like change' kinda deal. The dialogue was so good here, the direction it goes. She's laying it out how awful it was and telling him how it's affected her dating in particular all this time and his reaction is perfect, it's a great take on misogyny and how that situation would have been terrifying and he understands that now. They were barking. Gross. But they end the conversation on good terms! Not forgiveness, but a ceasefire maybe? I can just see them attempting a friendship and it getting harder for him to hide how gone he is on her 🖤

p.s. them picturing touching eachothers noses the exact same way! I'm scrrreaming 😍 they're gonna be so in love and I can't wait.

Why you were ever scared to post this absolute masterpiece of a character study I'll never know. I loved it. But I guess you can tell that by now 🫣

🖤🖤

ILY IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO GET YOUR ASKS AFTER EVERY CHAPTER 😭

ugh yes that is such a fitting setting like just really setting the mood right there

IM SO HAPPY YOU LOVED THE SUGAR ANALOGY THAT WAS LIKE MY FAVORITE ugh I think that may be my favorite paragraph too 🥹

Yeah I found it really important for her not to hold back or excuse any of his behavior (even tho I’m totally the opposite idk like I’m so shy I would be like ok) UGH YES it feels like a huge breakup but there was never a relationship to begin with so in a way it’s more achey :(

I LOVE forced proximity, ik it’s been done so often but that’s because it’s so good like it just makes you yearn for them so to then double it is like YES NOW YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR DEMONS OUT WITH EACH OTHER HAHA

I’m so glad the take on misogyny landed well

you have no idea how excited I am for them to stop being idiots and just kiss BUT WE ARENT THERE YET

I WAS SO PROUD OF THE NOSE TOUCHING PARALLEL like it’s so simple but it makes you feel their yearning even if they don’t quite realize it yet SO IM GLAD YOU LIKED THAT PART 🥹

thank you thank you thank you I cannot thank you enough for your support on this fic I adore all of your feedback 😭🥹💜💜💜💜

[wackernagels]

prefacing this w personal meta on yang jian as a god but it’s actually just more meta on my yang jian esper oc:

i understand yang jian as someone who loves and cares very deeply, and also as someone who adheres strictly to a set of morals. and like most times these two things can coexist bc in most cases it is not a bad thing to care about others, etc. but if he has to choose between one or the other it almost seems like he is conflicted in the choice. to save his mother is a decision he made while acknowledging he would defy the most powerful heavenly figure if he does so. to imprison his sister is to follow heavenly law, but i imagine he did it with a heavy heart. he can be kind and loyal and devoted, but he is also a punisher, an enforcer of heaven’s will. i think he places a certain degree of trust in his superiors, which can just as easily be taken away for injustice or malevolence.

i think that’s probably why i stuck with him having an emotionally platonic d/s relationship. it doesn’t really matter who he has it with, so long as it’s someone who’s understanding and willing to support him. my concept for a tu’er shen esper just happened to fit the bill. tianhu isn’t quite anywhere in life either, but he’s not burdened by choices. he’s gone through enough to empathize with yulang but he has the space and time to be a source of comfort or offer him a break from his life. yulang’s not in a position where he should keep deep bonds if he doesn’t want to run the risk of having to destroy them, but there’s less of an obligation to physically be around in order to keep a friendship, as opposed to a romantic relationship.

yulang is still very interesting to me as a character who has basically been forced to mature too quickly. this is something that could have been touched on with characters like li ling or tang xuan who have been given power/responsibility at a relatively young age but it doesn’t appear that they’re struggling with it in any way. yang jian himself is a person who lost both parents and possibly a sibling as a young child, and it’s not unrealistic to think he would’ve carried the trauma into his journey to split the mountain. it’s not just grief and love for family but the fact that he should not have had to grow into the world to take their place. with the disappearance of her sister and the death of his bil yulang has instantly become the head of the family. he is the only one left who can take in xiang liu, who up until this point was more like a younger brother. to find his sister is to try and fulfill this desire to shift his responsibility away, to be distant from his nephew and make his sister return as a beacon of the family. (realistically, i’m not even sure if he’d even find her alive or in a state where everything can go back to normal. it’s been years since he started trying and there’s a good chance she’s already gone.). it’s selfish, ultimately, though he does care for her and want her safety. he does grieve for her and how she is gone from his life, but i think he tacitly understands that she would’ve rather have yulang look after his nephew than drop everything to try and save her.

the mature decision IS to make choices that would benefit xiang liu and yulang’s relationship with him, but it’s not an easy decision and yulang would find himself at times trying to go back from it. he’s been forced to grow up too early. though 21 year olds are adults, most of them aren’t adults who worry about jobs, benefits, or the future of other family members. most of them are still in this transitional phase of entering society and learning how to live off it. yulang was forced to speedrun this transition at 17 and though it is the selfless to fill in as household head, is it worth it? does he have to? he’s unable to experience several aspects of a quintessential early adult life bc he has taken up the weight of the family. does he deserve to grow up normally? would he even forgive himself if he abandoned the responsibility?

ollie is someone with similar experiences to yulang, the difference being that he has made a decision to abandon his role as an heir and reject the burden of his family to seek justice. it may have even been the only path he was offered. he was someone i considered yulang could’ve bonded with, but not right now. i don’t think yulang’s situation as i currently have him allowed him to meet and connect with ollie.

i also considered at one point putting yulang in the shadow decree as a sort of infiltrator, or perhaps someone who works there in exchange for the safety of the sister they stole from him. i eventually decided against it since the choice would distance him so much from xiang liu, becoming the result of a choice that’s so selfish the yang jian in yulang would have refused to go down that path in the first place. but possibly in a timeline where he goes off the deep end, almost if i want to go in the vein of lotus lantern (1999) chenxiang and yang jian, it might’ve been viable?

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hello, I love your blog, I just needed a little more from Billy&Jorja ship. My question is how do you think both of them would have reacted, if the flirtations-relationship had gone to something serious (if dinner with Terry had worked, Hank had left the girlfriend earlier... or Heather's ambiguity...) knowing that They love each other but they are with others uncomfortable at work and bad personally. I wait your answer thank you

hi, anon!

so if i'm understanding your question correctly, you're asking what would have happened had grissom and sara's midgame relationships not gone sour in the same ways they do in canon, yeah? like how they each would have negotiated those relationships going forward?

discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.

__

so, ultimately, i believe that as long as we don't change the fundamental premise that even when they are seeing other people, grissom and sara remain in love with each other throughout the entirety of the show, then all of the relationships you mention all come with expiration dates on them.

that so, while it's probable that the hypothetical scenarios you mention may have led to grissom and sara dating the respective partners in question for somewhat longer than they do in canon (or, in heather's case, led to grissom actually dating her period), i think the main outcome would be to delay an eventual gsr endgame rather than to altogether prevent it.

i've already talked about the teri miller and hank peddigrew hypotheticals here, if you're interested.

as for heather, she's a little bit of a different case, so i'll talk about her in a second.

suffice it to say that with teri and hank, i tend to think that unless the writers changed the fundamental premises of grissom and sara's characters (by writing them as somehow "getting over" each other and falling in love with the significant others in question instead), there was just never going to be a long-term future for either of those dating relationships.

without being in love with teri, grissom was always going to choose work over her when push came to shove, and she was always going to eventually become annoyed by him doing so and bounce.

without being in love with hank, sara was always going to keep him at arm's length emotionally, which, were he not also cheating on her/keeping her at arm's length emotionally himself, would have at some point led to tension between them, which then likely would have culminated either with him giving her an ultimatum she couldn't fulfill or just plain walking away, fed up by her refusal to open up to him.

so while grissom ignoring that phone call on his and teri's dinner date and hank not cheating on sara might have ultimately allowed both of those relationships to go on for a while longer than in canon they do, grissom was never going to marry teri and sara was never going to marry hank.

—and particularly not given the fact of them still being in love with each other otherwise, you know?

like.

while grissom might've initially been pleased to be able to share a few more dates with teri and maybe even potentially could have convinced himself for a time that dating her was a sensible/safe option—something to at least take his mind off of sara for the moment—eventually he would start to feel guilty, realizing that while teri was perhaps developing feelings for him, he was still himself very much in love with someone else.

the longer the relationship lasted and the more "serious" it became, the more uncomfortable he would feel, until eventually his conscience wouldn't allow him to continue to see her anymore, and either he'd break up with her or do something self-sabotaging that would cause her to break up with him.

likewise, though sara does continue to date hank for over a year in canon, she only really does so because he never presses her to "take the relationship to the next level." she's only comfortable in the relationship insofar as it remains casual.

but in a scenario where suddenly hank was able to actually be emotionally available to her and might someday want more of a commitment between them, she probably would get freaked out sooner rather than later; the second hank started asking her for more than she was willing to give, she'd turn weird and bounce, knowing that while he was a nice distraction for a while, he wasn't ultimately the man she wanted.

so basically any way you slice it, those relationships wouldn't have stood the test of time. they were always going to end at some point.

now.

as for the heather of it all, i also very much believe that despite their years-long canonical friendship and strong connection to each other, any sexual/romantic relationship between heather and grissom also wouldn't have lasted.

there are many reasons why i think so—including that they ultimately come from "two too different worlds" (with her being an outlaw and him in law enforcement); are likely sexually incompatible (with her being allosexual and him being demisexual and not sexually attracted to her*); both have a lot of emotional baggage that might make it difficult for them to truly open up to each other; how, in some ways (particularly early on), they fixate on the dark parts of their personalities when they are in each other's company, which is something that could be detrimental to both of them; and are even potentially possessed of different desires for what they might want out of a sexual/romantic relationship, just on a fundamental level (with her being less likely to want the domesticity and "vanilla-ness" that he seems to crave); etc.

* see that conversation they have in episode 02x08 "slaves of las vegas," where heather assumes that everyone needs to have sexual outlets and seems highly incredulous of the idea that (at that time) grissom simply doesn't have any.

however, i ultimately think that, again, kind of the deal-breaker with them would be that if grissom were still in love with sara, he could never fully commit to a sexual/romantic relationship with anyone else, including even heather.

while it's possible that he might be willing to try sleeping with her once or twice just to see how things went—perhaps having some subconscious notion that maybe if he just "closed his eyes and thought of england," he could eventually develop feelings for her (which would spare him the trouble of having to negotiate his feelings for sara otherwise)—i think that ultimately he'd realize that having sex/a romantic relationship with her was making him sad.

and because he does care about heather even though he doesn't love her, i don't think he'd be able to maintain the relationship in the long run, knowing that such were the case.

he wouldn't want to use her or potentially hurt her, you know?

as i talk about here,

it’s a matter of debate to what degree grissom and heather may be attracted to each other (phyiscally, intellectually, emotionally, sexually, etc.); what’s not open for debate is that however else he may feel about her, grissom isn’t romantically in love with heather.

as he states in episode 07x24 “living doll” and reiterates in episode 16x02 “immortality” pt. ii, sara is the only person he has ever romantically loved; though he’s grateful to heather for teaching him to be more open as a person, she’s not—and has seemingly never been—the object of his heart.

of course, love isn’t necessarily requisite for sex.

lots of people in this world have sex without being in love.

it’s just that gil grissom doesn’t want to be one of them. 

as he states in episode 07x21 “ending happy,” he personally prefers only to have sex with persons with whom he is in love, opining that “sex without love is pointless. it makes you sad.”

at some point, grissom realizes that sex without love makes him sad. either he just knows this fact about himself inherently—the same way that one can know their sexual orientation without ever having had sex with anyone—or he knows it because he’s had one or more bad sexual experiences (i.e., because he has had loveless sex, and it has made him sad).

we don’t know enough about grissom’s sexual history to say when he arrives at this realization or under what circumstances.

(his only two confirmed sexual partners, per the show, are julia holden and sara sidle, and the dates for his respective sexual relationships with them remain murky at best.)

but in regards to heather, bearing in mind that, by his own admission, he never romantically loves her, there are really only two possibilities:

either he already knows before he meets her that sex without love makes him sad or he learns that fact sometime afterward.

regardless, if grissom and heather were to have sex, that facet of grissom’s sexuality would come to bear in their relationship.

in the first case, if grissom already knows that sex without love makes him sad and he realizes that he’s not in love with heather, then it seems unlikely he would engage in sex with her, even if she were to come on to him, as, if he were to do so, their friendship would be at risk.

in the second case, well—

if grissom were to have sex with heather (without yet being aware of his own feelings regarding sex and love) and then afterward he were to realize that doing so made him feel sad, you can bet that he wouldn’t know how to handle that revelation within the context of their relationship. 

if she seemed to have enjoyed the sex when he didn’t, and especially if she seemed to want to continue their sexual relationship after the initial saddening encounter, then inevitably he would walk away from the experience feeling guilty. he’d wrestle internally with the problem of what to do—to tell her the truth (i.e., “i don’t actually like having sex with you. i’m not as into this as you are”) at the risk of hurting her feelings or to continue the relationship just to spare her feelings though he was making himself miserable in the process. 

if she didn’t seem to have enjoyed the sex, and especially if she withdrew from him afterward, then he’d still feel guilty, thinking that he was to blame, worrying that he’d done something wrong. he wouldn’t know how to broach the topic. he’d be ashamed of himself for engaging with her without being fully “into it.”

even if it were only a one-off encounter—a one time deal, as both of them understood things—he still might struggle with his emotions afterward, not knowing how to relate to heather as a friend.  

in any case, whatever sadness he felt inside of himself would only get worse as he considered the heather of it all. he’d not know how to talk about what he felt. he’d start to emotionally spiral.

so, again, same song as dance as with teri, ultimately: maybe if grissom had slept with heather during the events of episode 03x15 "lady heather's box," he might have then slept with/had a relationship with her for sometime afterward, too.

and it probably wouldn't have been awful from start to finish, because, honestly, though there are some fundamental incompatibilities between him and heather, there are also a lot of ways that they are very well-suited to each other, too—hence why they make such good friends.

like.

there probably could have been some happy times, at least for a while.

but eventually, as the relationship became more established/serious, the myriad incompatibilities would rear their ugly heads and/or grissom's conscience would start eating at him, and in order for there to be any chance of sparing the friendship, he and heather would ultimately have to break up.

in all three of these hypothetical scenarios, i think the bottom line is this: in any story world where grissom and sara have met and are in love with each other, they could never date anyone else for very long. their connection is just too strong to be ignored indefinitely.

so those midgame ships would always destined to be only that: midgame ships.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[miekasa]

fluff alphabet: levi ackerman

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff…. obviously, no real warnings i don’t think, oh spoilers for his ova? 

↯ word count: 3k lol don’t ask me how

↯ notes: i was going to take requests for this for valentine’s day, but i figured i’d just do them all in one post lolol. i feel like i haven’t posted for levi in a while, so here we go

Activities — What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

If you ask Levi to do something, there’s a good chance he’ll try it at least once for you. Unless it’s something he’s said he explicitly dislikes or doesn’t want to partake in, he’d gladly try it out with you.

He strikes me as the kind of person to like trying new restaurants. Not necessarily the trendy or popular or exclusive ones; but local places with good recommendations or reviews.

Down for late night drives, but you have to be the one driving. He’ll drive if you become too tired, but he prefers to sit in the passenger seat and just let you take him wherever. He doesn’t mind, and it’s a sign he trusts you.

I also think museum dates would be some thing he enjoys. Not history museums—I feel like the concept of stolen artifacts on display would piss him off more than anything lol—but art museums. That’s not to say he’s extremely into art, but I think something about a museum environment is somewhat calming to him. He doesn’t mind.

One more activity I would say suits him is watching movies or shows together. Levi’s the kind of guy that catches you watching a series and expresses how it looks stupid or boring at first, but still hovers around and backseat watches it anyway. After a while, he just gives up and starts actively watching it with you and becomes invested. He just won’t admit it.

Beauty — What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

In the least cheesy way possible, everything. Levi sees people, and his s/o in particular, as a whole person, rather than the sum of their parts. He understands that everything about you—physical, emotional, or otherwise—contributes to the person he loves. There’s something to appreciate about all of it at different times.

He’d probably admire and/or find little habits you have beautiful in some way or another. Probably things you might not even notice about yourself unless he pointed them out to you.

Personality wise, he’d admire it if his s/o were blunt and/or the kind of person to stick up for themselves or their friends. A little bit assertive; not going out of your way to make other people feel small or be rude, but simply refusing to shrink to make room for others.

Physically, again, I don’t think he has a preference for most anything, but if I had to pick, I’d say he’s a thigh/ass guy.

Comfort — How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

Levi is observant, so he would be able to tell when you’re struggling perhaps before you’re ready to realize it yourself, and long before you’re about to burst.

However, he would ask you how he can help. For as observant as he is, he’s also not a mind reader, and if there’s something specific he can get you, he would want to know, even if it’s seemingly small or superficial.

He would be pretty proactive about it, too. The second he figures out how he can help, he’s on it. You need a new desk to work from home? He’ll have it built by that weekend. You’re feeling overwhelmed and behind on your tasks? He’s already doing the ones he can do without your help.

He does his best to try and help you relax if the issue is a stressor, and if he could, he would eradicate the root of the stress from your life completely. Unfortunately, in the real world, that’s not always possible, but it’s nice to know that he’s willing. 

The other obvious answer is tea, but allow me to expand it more generally to food. Going along with the theme of acts of service being his love language, Levi would try to provide the basic necessities for you in order to allow to focus on solving your problems and/or feeling better. If not worrying about dinner is one thing that can help you, Levi’s happy to cook for you.

Dreams — How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Simple, but fulfilled. Levi just wants to be happy—to have someone to care for, and to have someone who will care for him.

Truthfully, I don’t think he’d mind children later down the road, and I think he would be a good parent. It might not be something he talks about outright at first, but as time progresses, and perhaps the timing becomes right, it’d be something he would want to consider.

Equal — Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s equal. Levi doesn’t want to have more power, nor does he want to be passive. However, there are things he doesn’t mind handing over to you, and conversely, responsibilities he doesn’t mind taking on himself.

Compromise would be a big part in the relationship—not for the sake of compromising on your dreams or ambitions, but rather, to reach a middle ground if there’s any kind of argument.

I think it’s a give and take with him. And I don’t think he would want it to be any other way. He doesn’t strike me as someone who’s on either polar end.

Fight — Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

When you do fight, it’s a lot of pointed frustration. He doesn’t raise his voice, but he can get snippy, and a little closed off—speaking in clipped sentences, using underhanded phrases, focusing on past points. What drives him crazy is the aftermath of the fight, and if you give him the silent treatment, he’s bound to crack much sooner than later.

He’s quite easy to forgive. Canonically, he doesn’t like to fight with his friends or the people he cares about, and he would rather reach a solution as quickly as possible.

We saw that with Isabel and Farlan, despite the way he was firm on his decision for them to stay behind, they were able to break his resolve pretty quickly. He cares a lot about the people in his life, and I don’t think he’d like to go long with a riff between him and you. Especially if he thinks he might regret not talking to you about it sooner.

He’s one to keep a promise, but not to hold a grudge. That is to say, he understands that forgiveness goes both ways, and to work in a healthy relationship, both parties have to forgive themselves and each other at some point.

Gratitude — How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Yes and no. It might take a minute for Levi to understand the depth of your actions—especially the ones that appear more mundane or are not as explicitly romantic.

Once he does, he is very aware of them, and as such, if very grateful. He didn’t every really think he’d be able to create and be apart of the kind of loving relationship the two of you have. He really cherishes it.

Honesty — Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He has secrets by way of omission. He doesn’t lie to keep things hidden from you, but sometimes he doesn’t tell everything about himself, especially towards the start of your relationship.

It’s not always with malicious or even self-protective intent. He just doesn’t share because he doesn’t think it’s important, or that you might care. If you pry long enough or insist that you want to know just to know and because you care, then he’s happy to share.

As previously mentioned, it might take him a while to realize just how much you care about him, and his past and interests by extension. 

Inspiration — Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

As your relationship progresses Levi comes to learn that you genuinely find him attractive not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. That you actually want to know him and that he’s worth knowing.

So, his biggest change is in the way he approaches his thoughts about himself and his self worth. But he also begins to pick up on your habits, your interests, and tries to understand your general approach to life, too.

He would probably change you in some ways, too. Most notably in the way you organize and clean your space, probably. He’s not sorry about it.

Jealousy — Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

No, he doesn’t. To him, jealously would imply that someone has something he wants. Firstly, you’re not an object to him, and secondly, he has you. There’s nothing more to it.

He’s not childish, nor is he out of check with his emotions, so he wouldn’t lash out on you, especially if it’s not your fault. In his small momentary slips, you wouldn’t even have noticed he was jealous at all.

He wouldn’t like it if someone was repeatedly making advances on you, especially if you’ve explicitly told them off/they were making you uncomfortable. In situations like that, he would simply try to get the both of you out of there/away from the person as quickly as possible.

There’s also an element of trust to this with Levi. He wouldn’t expect you to try and make him jealous out of spite; and he would trust that you wouldn’t play on the advances of other people if you notice them.

Kiss — Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He is a good kisser. Mainly because he’s very perceptive to what you want and how to give it you.

The first kiss was sweet. Knowing Levi, there was probably quite the build up to it, so even if it was sweet and innocent, there was a layer of tension and a crash of emotions coming forward in the moment. It was memorable, to say the least.

Love Confession — How would they confess to their s/o?

I have imagined this time and time again… and I think it really depends on the foundation of your relationship/friendship with him before.

In the most generic scenario, it would probably be a little backwards—you would have, intentionally or not, gone on some dates before he realized what his feelings really were, and then take it from there.

If you were friends for a while before hand, it can probably go the implicit dating route—that is you’re both exclusively emotionally invested in each other, and basically involved in most relationship aspects without having realized it or put a label on it. You kind of naturally morph into a relationship, and it probably takes a verbal confession or kiss or two to solidify it.

It can also go the sexual tension route, and one day one of you finally snaps and makes a move. The verbal confession would come in the aftermath, but your actions will have solidified and expressed your feelings long before that.

Marriage — Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, yes and no. Without taking into account the legal aspects, the actual concept of marriage is that juxtaposition of sweet and powerful that Levi likes; the idea of devoting yourself to someone and receiving a special kind of love for the rest of your life.

And while all of that is beautiful to him, there are the unfortunate cultural norms or marriage, especially in a modern au. The legality of it all, especially the financial defaults, would be a headache. Not to mention all the fluff and grandeur and gender expectations about it. He thinks all of that fucking sucks.

Above all, he doesn’t get why people expect him to pay for what’s basically an expensive document that tells the federal government he lives with you and loves you. He could do that without them in his business.

If you want to get married, then the proposal is sweet. Intimate, and probably a call back to something in your relationship, or a significant date/event for the both of you. He wouldn’t dare do it in public or even involve anybody else, other than maybe asking a friend or two.

Marriage with Levi is much like being in a long-term relationship with him. The way he acts in marriage isn’t exponentially different than the way he had been acting as your boyfriend. It’s all still very quiet, very sweet, very domestic.

Nicknames — What do they call their s/o?

He calls you by your name, unless you ask him to call you by something else. He might call you by an actual nickname, that is a shortened version of your name, if that’s the name you usually go by.

He’s not big on pet names and they slip out from time to time, but not in place of your actual name on an every day basis. If anything, he calls your name with a very unique tone to his voice. He rarely calls for anybody else with the same tone and/or emotion.

On Cloud Nine — What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s not… not obvious to his friends, but he doesn’t look like he’s been shot by cupids arrow or anything. If you know Levi, you might pick up on the fact that he seems a bit happier, less stressed, has taken up new hobbies/habits, etc. But there’s not he’s not shitting rainbows and sunshine all of a sudden.

Love is very personal and intimate for him. He would do his best to express to you that he loves you and loves the love he receives from you, but he doesn’t feel that everyone else needs to know.

So, it’s somehow simultaneously noticeable and unnoticeable when you’re together in the presence of other people.

PDA — Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss when others are watching?

Levi isn’t big on PDA. He’s not hiding your relationship, but he doesn’t care to boast it to every person he meets, either. If somebody asks him, he’ll happily say that he’s in a relationship, but he doesn’t bring it forward himself.

He’s not hiding it or shy, but he doesn’t feel the need to be all over you in public. He doesn’t anything to prove to anybody. Besides, nobody wants to see that shit. He knows he wouldn’t.

There are some displays of affection, though. Hand holding isn’t abnormal, though likely not in a casual space with your friends or family. He’ll brush is hand along your arm when he’s walking past you, might ruffle your hair if the occasion calls for it, squeeze your thigh under the table.

Quirk — Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s canonically good at math. This comes in handy when you’re at restaurants and trying to calculate a tip quickly. Somehow, he knows how to figure out 18% of your bill in 3 seconds flat.

It also comes in handy when you’re trying to organize things. Along with math comes a pretty good understanding of spatial reasoning. Somehow Levi is always able to put away your left overs using the smallest and least amount of tupperware possible. It’s kind of ridiculous, he might be a wizard.

Romance — How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

In the traditional sense, he might not appear romantic, but he’s the kind of person to say or do or gift little things that would take a much deeper romantic understanding of his partner than some grand, generic act like buying a thousand roses.

His romance is tailored to you and your relationship, not general expectations of what it means to be “romantic.”

Support — Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Levi is very devoted to you, so if you ask for his help, or he can help without stepping on your toes, he will. He wants you to not only succeed, but feel fulfilled through your achievements, and he’s happy to help you get there.

He believes in you wholeheartedly. If it’s something you really want, Levi wouldn’t dare doubt that you could achieve it.

Thrill — Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He doesn’t feel the need to try out new things based on expectations, but if you want to try something, or if he wants to try something, you can have a conversation about it, and eventually try it out.

There’s a sort of established routine in a domestic sense; a sharing of a mutual space and the behaviors associated with that. But there’s not, like, established date nights or “week-a-versaries.”

In that sense, he can be pretty spontaneous; bringing up new places to go or activities to try when the idea strikes him. But I suppose it’s never something… too adventurous? Not dangerous, at least lololol, he’s not going to randomly suggest you go skydiving as a bonding exercise. 

Understanding — How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Very well. Levi kind of makes you his business—in the most non-intrusive way possible. He’s perceptive and picks up on things about you with relative ease, and genuine interest.

He can predict how you might respond in a situation with pretty good accuracy, can guess what you might pick off the menu at a new restaurant, if given a choice has a good sense of which option you’ll choose. Very much a “I knew you would say that/do that, I don’t know why I even asked,” kind of person once he gets to know you. 

He can be pretty empathetic, and I think he would be in a relationship.

Value — How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Your relationship is pretty damn important to Levi, and he devotes a significant amount of time and attention to it. Not in the place of giving time for himself, his friends, family or interests; but he is very much devoted to you.

However, he’s not the type to give up solid opportunities (ex: financial, for his family/mom, career-wise) for the sake of a relationship, especially if he’s not in the position to do so; and he wouldn’t want you to give up exceptional opportunities that align with your goals for him either.

Everything is relative in that sense, I suppose. He cares for you, deeply, and knows that you do, too. That, contrary to popular belief, is what enables you both to be strong enough to bend and not break.

Wild Card — A random fluff head canon.

I’ll give you a few :)

If you want him to, Levi will do your hair for you, and he’s pretty fucking good at it, too; hair type or texture be damned, he’ll take his time with it, and do it well for you.

When he’s alone, Levi hums himself to sleep. Usually singing/humming his mother’s favorite songs and/or songs he remembers hearing as a child.

He always gives you the lighter bags when you take your groceries upstairs/into your house. He doesn’t tell you, but he knows you don’t like to ‘make’ him do all the work.

He always makes dinner if he gets home before you.

He’s a pretty good artist, and has even drawn you once. He’s never told you or shown you, but he keeps the picture folded up in his wallet. Or behind his phone case.

XOXO — Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Affectionate in private, yes. He doesn’t mind it if you’re all over him, and truthfully, has his moments where he’s shamelessly all over you, too. Especially in the morning, he’s a cuddle bug.

Kisses are always good, he would never oppose them. He’s quite easy to persuade with kisses, actually. And most physical touches; he doesn’t get them often, so he kind of melts when he does. 

Cuddles, too. Again, all of this is private and in the comfort of your own home. His favorite way to cuddle is to either have you completely on top of him, or to lay his head in your lap. Because he loves the feeling of you playing with his hair.

Yearning — How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Levi will take part in things you like or things you’ve claimed in your shared space.

For example, he might find himself eating your favorite foods more often, sitting on the spot on the couch your sit in most often, rolling over to your side of the bed in his sleep.

He also likes to look back on pictures of the two of you. He doesn’t particularly like to be photographed, but he likes having these physical memories of your relationship, so he’ll indulge you when you want to take a picture together. And they come in real handy during times like this.

Zeal — Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Levi will definitely put up a fight for you, so long as it’s mutual. He wouldn’t pour his effort into someone or a relationship in which he feels like he’s not receiving the same.

I’m not sure what great lengths there would be to go to in a modern au, but he definitely believes that relationships are hard work, and as such, is prepared to put in the work when things get hard. He’s not a quitter, and he knows that love is foundation and requires time and energy.

He cares about you too much to let you go without reason.

[handlewithkara]

I have always thought a Kara/Legion ending made perfect sense, regardless of whether Karamel are defined as romantic on the show before it happens. 

Superhero shows that get a choice about the fact that they are ending want some sort of big, transformative thing to happen at the end. Whether it is Clark getting married on Smallville or Oliver dying and being resurrected on Arrow. 

Kara literally stepping into a new world/future/cause fulfills that. 

It also serves as a nod to various comic book incarnations of the character. 

It is a better ending than death, because the message is that she is still out there fighting, saving people. It stresses her importance, she is called to the future while being more than just retaining the status quo. Her stepping into the future is literally a threshold moment.  

It’s an appealing scenario for writers because Kara moving on from her home in time mirrors the fact that Melissa is moving away from the show. They get to write the characters saying goodbye to each other the way the writers and actors say goodbye to the job they have had for such a long time. 

I also think that the writers love Nia and they love the idea of the show ending with her the being the Champion and Protector of Nationl City, that it is a compliment to her that Kara leaves the city in her hands. 

I have always had my eye on Andrea and Lena and yes, I absolutely count on the idea that they will “end up together”. Now I actually don’t think that the show will define it as romantic. But to me beefing up Andrea and Lena’s friendship and connection makes a ton of sense with a Kara leaving ending. People have always claimed that Kara can’t leave for the future because she can’t abandon her friends. See, I feel like this argument has always read to me like it is slyly about Lena because Lena is the character who has been portrayed as being emotionally clingy and needy. 

Nia is not going to collapse without Kara. Nia is capable. She has gone through her “apprenticeship” with Kara, she is ready to say goodybe to Kara and to take responsibility on her own. 

I get the vibe that the writers insofar agree about Lena and Lena’s abandonment issues that it would be sad if “her only friend” left. But Kara isn’t Lena’s only friend anymore. Lena now has a bigger variety of friends and she was given Andrea as a more personal friend. So when the ending comes and the question is asked where all the characters end up, then Lena’s answer is “oh, she and Andrea are out and about, traveling, having adventures.” Lena is not alone. She isn’t being abandoned. She has Andrea with her. (again, I don’t think the show will cast them as romantic/sexual, but their stories will still end up together)

Which leaves two people, Alex and J’onn. It is pretty clear that as far as the writers are concerned, Alex&Kara is the most important relationship to these characters. 

But Alex is unselfish and Alex is strong. Yes, she and Kara have a close, sometimes close to co-dependant relationship. But the show has also always brushed against the idea of how it might be unhealthy for Alex’s life to be all about Kara. There is value too in Alex having her own “growing up” story, about being her own hero, about finally becoming a mother, about forming a family unit with Kelly. Alex will have a full life, as a hero with a family. Her goodbye with Kara will be tearful and meaningful, but it will releasing Kara with both of them looking forward to a happy future. (and let’s remember, nothing about Kara going to the future means on their level that Kara can never pop back in, it’s more like moving to a different city for a job, not vowing to never speak to Alex again). 

J’onn is the interesting one. I don’t think that he has a stake in Kara staying, he hasn’t been portrayed as an emotionally needy character in their relationship, but it still begets the question where he ends up. I could see either an ending where he also goes with the Legion for some mission or where the stays behind to babysit the new champions of National City, Nia and Alex. 

So the main open question to me is actually the fate of Brainia. Whether they will end on a goodbye with Nia as the protector of the city or whether he will stay a while longer for love. I could see either version, mostly based on how in love the writers are with the image of Nia standing alone and strong versus whether they think Brainia is too cute to break up. 

In theory, a Legion ending could have any number of characters joining Kara in the future, J’onn, Nia, Alex, even Lena and Andrea, a case could be made for any or even all of them. 

Still, I think the writers likely WANT those goodbyes as powerful, bittersweet, “cry along with the goodbyes, but with a hopeful eye to the future” ending, so I could expect at least an amount of characters to stay behind rather than it being “The Legion says it’s an emergency and everybody who is a hero jumps up and it ends with Kara putting together a team and declaring that they will SAVE THE FUTURE!”

But of course you never know ;) 

[remsmoonlight]

— title : brownies n’ breaks

— word count : 2.2 k words

— pairing : daryl dixon x reader

— summary : cooking is your love language and it’s time that you are able to finally make something for Daryl, protected from the high walls that alexandria boasts of are you finally able to bring that vision to life

— warnings : absolutely nothing, except sickly sweet fluff

oooo another daryl request if you’re willing!!! maybe once they get to alexandria reader makes daryl some homemade brownies or some shit because she knows he’s never had much homemade food if any just some domestic cute shit??🥺🥺♥️

          ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　requested     　/    requests are open   *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Sweetness flows throughout the air of your new home, sliding into every corner it can find to fill and warm. The smell of domesticy is something you thought perished long ago when the world died, but here you stand.. with a fresh batch of brownies in the oven baking as if life rebooted and got set back to factory settings. You move from the oven, small steps to the door to be able to survey the kitchen area once more, blinking as if to erase it from your vision, to be greeted with the punishing sun and the dirt filled roads lined with ghosts.

A cozy yellow glow is snug in the pit of your stomach as you think about who the sweet bake belongs to, Daryl has been nothing less than golden. From Atlanta, all the way to Alexandria.. he has always been one to step up without even thinking. You’d shared many secluded moments together, talking about your pasts and while he has never explicitly said anything, you have created a picture in your head about what he has gone through. The love not shared healthily to someone who will always put his family first. Even prior to the downfall of society, you loved to cook for everyone you knew.

You settle yourself with a book on the window ledge close to the kitchen, awaiting the arrival of Daryl, a giddiness that could be likened to a snowfall of glitter falling gracefully within you.

“ you know, when we finally find a new home. I will make you the best brownies you’ve ever had! “

“ if y’don’t burn ‘em first. “ he replied, the corner of his eyes crinkle so delicately as he chuckles lowly.

“ don’t be so fucking mean! here I am trying to do something nice.. it won’t kill you! “ you argue humorously, your fist balling up to punch his arm with little force.

Laughter and carelessness had been a rarity after surviving Terminus, your focus on trying to find safety.. no matter how much of a dream it may be. The journey to coming to terms with the fading faces and memories of the prison has been a painful one, comfort was not something that could easily be found, yet you found it in the least conventionally affectionate person you knew.

“ if anythin’s gonna kill me, it ain’t gonna be your cooking. “

“ actually, I cook very well. it will be a good day when I finally get to show you. “

An airy smile brightens your features, the burdenless weight unable to keep your lips stuck together. Many memories you have with him are of the fond kind, of course, the course of your bond with him runs deep but never has it been a calm sea. There have been moments where you wonder if it’s one sided, if you are inventing a picture that you wish to bleed through to reality, then you are proven wrong and he does things that you know in your heart are true. It has taken losing friends, a home, finding new hope to strengthen that bond and while you would prefer to take the easy road, you know that nothing will ever split the two of you into shards of glass that will never be able to be repaired. You’re both strong people, but stronger together.

A figure clad in black and covered in grime makes their way up the flawless road to where you rest, your vision could be awful but you can make out his being anywhere. The book you hold is laid to rest, your feet already carrying yourself to the door to meet him. Days had past since you last saw him and you can now feel the chords of longing pulling as you had missed him.

Your hand encloses the door handle, swinging it open to finally land your gaze on his form, feeling as if it had been years you’d not done so, as opposed to a few days.

“ took you long enough. “

“ yeah, yeah. quit your complainin’.  “

You move aside, Daryl taking the cue from you and entering the house that bares no soul at that present moment. Everyone is out with their own agenda or job, leaving you to potter about to your own devices.

Some peace and privacy for even a few hours is something you are thankful for, two things that had been incredibly rare from your journey from Atlanta. Though, the noise that comes with your family reminds you of the moments you couldn’t wait to be rid from as you grew up are ones that you no longer fail to appreciate.

“ did you find anybody out there? “

Daryl shakes his head, you see the trouble that he wears often become even more apparent as it overwhelms his features intensely. Knowing Daryl as well as you do, you know that while he won’t admit it out loud, every time he goes out there with Aaron to find people and finds no one wounds his spirit more and more. While his desire to save everyone is admirable, it’s often a concern to you that it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and he’s often met with your comforting energy of it being simply an unsustainable trait.

“ you know you won’t always find people, right? “ you ask him softly, tucking your legs underneath you as you seat yourself on the sofa.

Daryl refuses to sit, it’s a thought that regularly finds itself bouncing around your mind as to why he can’t relax even behind the walls of Alexandria.

“ yea’, still sucks though. “ he wipes his thumb across his nose, an unconscious habit on his part, discussing his thoughts and feelings has never been easy, raised in a home full of toxicity stunted him emotionally, something he still wrestles with when the occasion arises.

“ there’s going to be a day where you’ve gone and saved everyone! there won’t be anyone left for you to bring back! cut yourself some slack. “

Daryl doesn’t respond, knowing there is truth in your words but he has seen so much death already, the world gripped by dark and dim choke hold, a little dusting of life is something that has been lacking since it died. Avoidance of feelings is something Daryl flees to when the conversation gets tough, he can deal with  words full of anger and rage, but topics so delicate still feel so alien to him.

“ wha’ y’been up to? “ the male questions you, seemingly interested in what you have been up to, watching you from the otherside of the room.

As if a switch had been flipped, your eyes ignite with excitement and joy as you have finally been able to fulfil your unofficial promise to him.

“ remember when we were talking about my cooking? when you insulted it? “ the sides of your lips gently lift with a soft innocence, you feel the elation slowly warming the entirety of your body at the simpleness of it all.

“ y’ain’t gone and poisoned sumn’ have ‘ya? “ asks Daryl, turning to face you from across the floor where he stood. His tone holds a ‘ blink and you will miss it ‘ humour threaded into his words.

“ I should have! “ laughing at him, you fit your fingers between his and lead him into the kitchen with you.

Touch is still something that sends an uncomfortable shiver to travel the distance down his spine, but with everything you have been through and all the time you have spent together, touch is something he’d never turn from when thinking of you. Your relationship has been a strange, never formal one, but it is perfect for the two of you. Unspoken words full of warmth and fondness are a solidity in each one’s souls, and while you both never shared the extent of what the two of you have with the group, they have their suspicions and theories. But if they know one thing, it’s Daryl’s affection for you runs deep.

“ brownies! “

He peaks into the oven that you have opened, the rich smell of cocoa and heat baking the treats hit him like a brick, a pit forms deep in his stomach. This is different from past meals beforehand. You had gone out of your way for him, of all people. Never could he mentally grip why you have been so kind and benevolent with him but it’s something he treasures deeply. In the beginning he was more abrasive with you more than anyone else, but it used to be his go to defense mechanism with everyone in your family. Softness never being something destined for him was beaten into him for a young age, learning only how to loathe and to only say words in anger. It wasn’t until you came along and took your time with him did he let you in, something you have been grateful ever since.. especially since you have been able to discover the colourful soul that resides within him.

“ y’didn’t have to. “ he replies, his mouth watering at the mere smell of the brownies that are close to being fully baked.

“ Daryl… “ a softness in your response that is only reserved for him is heavy, your eyebrows furrowing in dejection. You know enough of his history to be confident in your placed hurt for him being unable to experience kindness in a positive manner. Your hand trails up his clothed arm and rests on his shoulder lightly, allowing for him to decide whether or not to accept the physical affection. He doesn’t shrug it off, if anything he leans more into your touch. “ you know I’m doing this because I want to, you deserve something nice! “

“ thanks. “

“ and they’re nearly done, so you best take a seat. “

Daryl follows your order with little encouragement, a smirk that he conceals from your view and sits at the lengthy dinner table. He’s having trouble connecting the dots of the dead walking and civilisation ended and the pure normalcy of him sitting at a dinner table about to eat home cooked brownies. Even back when the world was bustling with life and people working their nine to fives were home cooked meals a rarity.

“ so this is what y’spent your day on? “ he asks as he watches you with a spark of fondness in his eyes as you work in the kitchen.

“ cooking is therapeutic. “

“ y’ a weird person. “ Daryl quips, staring at you right in your eyes. His expression gives nothing away, though his eyes speak a thousand words and paint a thousand colours that you understand fully.

It’s lucky you know him so well to understand when he’s being serious and when not.

“ but you like it! “

The squares of the baked treats are uneven and jagged, your features contorting into a confused frown at how they could so well until the end. You blame the knife for the imperfection and flaws of the appearance of what lays before you, however your heart knows it’s your inability to present your dishes artistically.

“ now I apologise they don’t look good but they do taste good! “

“ y’never have to say sorry for anythin’ “ he thoughtless says, his mind to preoccupied with the food laid before him.

A picture painted by his mind long ago had you as the perfect person, it’s comforting to know the flaws you have are nothing short of charming in your own little way. With the lack of elegance associated with him, his fingers dig into the irregular shape of the brownie and shoves half of it  into his mouth.

You watch him with your breath holding itself, never have you been a person who has wanted to impress but when it comes to Daryl? You find yourself wanting to do that and more.

“ well? “

He nods with his mouth full, unable to formulate his words. His jokes about your cooking being bad have been nothing more than that, jokes. But even as he’s consuming the small squares he’s surprised at how good they taste, better than he could even imagine.

“ ain’t half bad. “

“ in Daryl speak that means they’re pretty damn great, huh? “ you question him rhetorically, amusement dancing on each word you speak as you gaze steadily on his form.

“ well y’didn’t burn the house down. “

Your mouth opens and eyes widen considerably as your expression twists from being filled to the brim of affection to one of shock, aghast at his jovial words. The laughter tumbles carelessly from your lips as you reach across to swat his arm playfully.

“ you are so rude! “

He joins in with your laughter, a sight so infrequent that you wish you could burn the image into your mind with no chance of being erased by time. It’s moments like these, where you truly feel like the only two people in the world, stolen moments you hold close to your heart. You hope that you will reach a space where you both will be able to freely express your feelings, while the mutual affection is known between the both of you, sometimes you want to use words. So he knows, because it’s something he deserves. To know how much he is loved, without cowering away from the subject.

“ nah I’m just kiddin’. thanks, I mean it. “

[themountainsays]

New brulores fanfic idea: y'all remember the human panopticon headcanon/theory/interpretation? Anyway, that, but Bruno doesn't leave. Basically, since Dolores gets her gift he's given the job to train and guide her so she can fulfill his role one day, and when he has a vision of Mirabel with the cracks, he's this close )( to leaving, but Dolores convinces him to stay because she's already doing pretty bad with her powers and they both know that, if she leaves, all the responsability will fall on her, and she'll be alone because no one else understands their struggle, and she's only like 11 she's scared and desperate and he accepts to stay and come up with some lie about Mirabel's prophecy. He's still a big sad hermit locking himself up in his room and barely interacting with the family + the outside world. But he still has a responsability to like, educate Dolores on how to do the panopticon shit, so that's kinda his motivation to get out of the room a little and have human interactions with others. I imagine these classes would consist on walking around the outskirts of town and talking, exchanging advice, hearing, seeing etc etc it's mostly homemade psychological councelling because, really, Dolores is doing amazing. She's doing everything he's ever done and more. Both her gift and her better-ish mental health allow her to go further than he's ever gone when it comes to their job, so at this point, he just wants to be there for her and take on most of the weight so she won't have to, even if she'd do a better job.

That's kinda it. A slice of life kind of story about Bruno being there to see his niblings grow up, being closest to Dolores precisely because akjdsnsjkbk because his mother forces him to give her classes, that's why. He didn't want to be there, he doesn't care for human interaction, he's not terribly interested in watching anyone's niblings grow up... he's not really interested in anything. In seeing anything, doing anything, going anywhere... this man has depression. But being forced to get up every day to hang out with his least noisy and demanding nibling for a few hours actually does wonders for his mental health. And of course the romantic plot starts when Dolores is around her early twenties, and Bruno finds himself feeling things he shouldn't, and of course it freaks him out, but she still needs his help, so it's not like he can leave, he becomes more emotionally distant etc etc some inc3st guilt sprinkled here and there... but it would be a love story standing on a lot of backstory, right? You'd NEED those first chapters before the Problematiqué content starts. Etc etc plot ensues. Plot being an episodic string of vignettes to which I attach a bunch of my headcanons. Y'all keep talking about Bruno being a super virgin but you're sleeping on the very good great amazing concept of Bruno running into an old ex who REALLY hurt him like a lot, absolutely broke his heart, a souless harpy who left him with at least eleven more traumas than he had coming in, and Dolores, of course, hearing and knowing so much, fucking hating her with her entire soul. But not really being able to explain why to anyone, or show it, because then she'd have to explain why she was listening in to her uncle's intimate nights with his girlfriend. I mean, she has nothing to hide, it was totally part of her job as the human panopticon, to make sure no one is commiting crimes, and she's pretty sure making Bruno cry should be punisheable with jail time so ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯ no inconsistencies there! it's perfectly ethical trust her.

I feel like this would work best as a long multichap fic with many short chapters, without any large overarching plot other than "Bruno is forced to teach his niece how to do one of the things that's harmed him the most through his life and he isn't sure he wants to continue doing it, especially once he begins to develop feelings for her" and "Dolores sees her loved ones suffer under Alma's thumb and she knows that the best way to avoid the punishment they face is by turning invisible, which means no achievements and no failures, no risks, no personal ambitions, no following dreams, no priorizing your own needs and not intervening even when people need your help, a life philosophy that is painful to live by, and sometimes she thinks her tío Bruno is actively trying to sabotage the armor she's built, out of love".