#I would’ve never done it without all the amazing people in the fandom encouraging me

[courtney-deserved-better]

seeing as it’s now been one year since the last chapter of slippery slopes was posted, i decided to make a big sappy post talking about what this fic has meant to me over the last two and a half years

i started writing slippery slopes after a bolt of inspiration struck me on this post. i’d tried writing my fair share of long fics prior, most of them remaining unpublished and all of them unfinished. i’m not quite sure what made me think i could write slippery slopes other than a strong desire to write the alenoah fic i wanted to read but that didn’t exist at the time. slippery slopes was the 30th fic posted in the alenoah tag, which didn’t have any finished long fics at the time. i think if you told 2021 pj that in two years there would be over 600 alenoah fics, many of them tdwt rewrites, their head would explode.

i honestly had no idea what i was jumping into when i started writing slippery slopes. looking back, i was very insecure about my writing. i’d actually forgotten about that until i was reading some posts i’d made while i was still writing it, where i wondered if i was going to be able to pull off the miscommunication plotline and the unplanned alecourtney friendship. almost every announcement of a chapter draft being completed included me saying i felt weird about it, or thought it was bad. i felt incredibly uncomfortable writing serious angst and when that started playing an important role in the fic at around chapter seven i feared that my writing was awful and other people would dislike it the way i had. i genuinely don’t think it hit me that slippery slopes was a popular fic until a few months before it became the most kudosed fic on ao3.

back then, i was able to understand why other people liked slippery slopes, but i couldn’t read it without cringing. i’m not sure when exactly the switch flipped—probably after i finally finished it and was able to distance myself from the writing process—but it became a fic that i’m incredibly proud of. i can reread it now and enjoy it without cringing in the slightest. i was able to see my writing as good, and well-crafted. i will always appreciate slippery slopes as a fic where i grew incredibly as a writer. i understand how to plan out long fics while still allowing for spontaneity. i can comfortably write angst. i feel strong in my choices for characterization and friendship even if it may seem unconventional. i have so much more confidence in my writing now, and a lot of that is thanks to you all.

other than desperately wanting an alenoah tdwt rewrite fic, a huge part of why i wrote slippery slopes was because i felt lonely in the td fandom and was hoping that this fic could connect me with more people out there. and boy oh boy it sure has. and not just the plethora of alenoah shippers—way more than i expected—but there were also people who didn’t ship alenoah, but still stayed for the story, and people who had never considered alenoah but gave my fic a chance and ended up shipping it anyway. when i didn’t believe my writing was good, there were many, many kind commenters who showed my fic love and encouraged me to keep going with it. and even now, there are commenters whose fresh excitement make me feel like all the time i spent on this fic was so, so worth it. and they all inspire me to keep writing. 

i may be a good writer, but i don’t think i can ever fully express what everyone’s support has done for me. i still struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that there are dozens of drawings of my fic that you all have made! that’s crazy! i am so, so lucky to have such wonderful readers, and i hope you all know how incredibly grateful i am. slippery slopes would not exist without you. this was a joint effort. it’s amazing to me how a spontaneously started fic for a crackship ended up changing the total drama fandom landscape the way it did. who would’ve guessed that a simple whim to write an alenoah fic could become quite the slippery slope.

[because-its-eurovision]

here’s my Eurovision tattoo 🖤

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[annab-nana]

2020...

You were probably the worst and best year of my life for several different reasons.

Worst because you took away my normal college experience. Worst because mentally, you haven’t been kind. Worst because you have taken several people who have meant a lot to me and many others. Worst because people I’ve thought of as good friends don’t speak to me anymore or turned out to not be who I thought they were.

Best because for some reason being stuck in quarantine brought my best friend and I a whole lot closer. Best because I found new hobbies that I love. Best because I’ve grown a lot as a person. Best because I’ve grown a lot on here and made writings that people have enjoyed. Best because I have impacted others in a positive way and helped people. Best because I have felt the happiest I have ever felt and the most love I have experienced as well. Best because I have made many new friends that mean the world to me and I just wanted to say a small thank you to all of these people.

@rebelemilu • Emily, I remember months ago when I reblogged an edit of yours and you kinda geeked out that I did that. I thought it was the cutest thing ever and it was shocking to me that someone who didn’t even know me loved me and my stuff. Then later in July when I first ever showed my face to this hellsite, I inspired you to do the same and I got to see your beautiful face and smile and I was so happy that I was able to do that for you. You have always been so kind and supportive of me and I will forever be grateful to you for that. Now I get to talk to you almost everyday and you send me the best gifs of our favorite men and I couldn’t be happier. You are an amazing friend Em and I love you so much! You have no idea how much you mean to me.

@x-lulu • Lulu, this past month or so has been amazing! You are one of the strongest, sweetest, and most supportive people I know! Like you said, you feel like you can come to me with anything but that is how I feel about you. You have a soft warm safe presence about you that makes me feel comfortable and appreciated when I talk to you. Loneliness is my biggest struggle and I hate talking about it with anyone because it feels stupid when I say it but with you, I feel like I could discuss that with you without any judgement. Now that I know you I don’t think I could be without you. You’re just so wonderful and I wish everyone could have a lu as a friend. I don’t know what I’d do without my aesthetic queen that I love so much.

@https-luna • Luna, you are my luna bug! What else can I say? I love you so much and we’ve only really talked for the past twoish weeks but I feel like we will be friends for a long time. You are so incredibly smart and I love each and every one of your random fun facts. That makes my days so much better with your sweet personality. I feel like we’ve grown a lot closer these last few days and I wouldn’t change that for the world. You are a talented writer and I love getting to see that first hand. My love for you will never die, luna bug.

@sguymon21 • Sara, I honestly don’t remember how our friendship started. I want to say it was because we started talking when I was reading your story, All Of My Wrongs, because I fell in love with it and then we just started talking. And then we exchanged Instagrams and then Snapchats and we’ve talked for a while honestly. You are such an amazing writer and a sweet and kind soul as well and I know that at times that people haven’t been that kind to you but I promise you are so much more than what people say. You are gorgeous love and your heart is even prettier.

@samcolbylife666 • Zach, I know this is probably weird considering we haven’t talked in several months but I still wanted to thank you. You were the first person I ever really talked to on here and I hope you’re doing well. I remember the random things we’d discuss right before all hell broke loose with corona. I was literally talking to you when I had to pack to leave my dorm for our “two week” break and I was excited that our spring break had been lengthened. I’m pretty sure your plans to go to Disneyland for canceled due to everything but I hope you still get to go soon. I don’t know if you still get on here but I’d love to talk to you again.

@xgingerblue19x • Ella, my love from the other side of the world haha I love you so much. Our journey started the night Sam broke his back. I was lowkey freaking out about it and you were there to calm me down and you sent me updates about it too. It was nice to have someone to talk to when I was super anxious about someone I look up to and care deeply about. Then a few weeks later, we all lost someone really important to us, Corey, and once again, you were there. You talked with me and I am not one to easily open up to others especially when I’m upset but with you, I felt safe and you made it easy. Since then, we don’t talk super often but we can always pick up where we left off and it feels normal and not awkward at all and I love that about our friendship. You are someone I know that I can lean on and I hope you know I’m here for you as well sweetheart.

@socialanxiety-queen • Becca, I love you so much! We were both scared to reach out to each other and anxious about making new friends but I’m glad that we started to message each other and play a little game of twenty questions. Even though we don’t talk that often, I will always love and support you and I know that I can talk to you about whatever I need to. Your heart is so pure and it is a beautiful thing inside a beautiful person. You make me so happy and I love how you remember the little things about a person and make them feel so loved and appreciated and I hope you feel as loved and appreciated as you make others feel.

@toriswrites • Tori, you are such a cute little bean and I love you! We started talking right before I combined blogs on maybanksbaby and you were the one who helped me gain the courage to finally combine my blogs after I had been thinking about it for a loooooong time. I don’t think you know how grateful I am for that because it was the best decision I’ve ever made and I couldn’t have done it without you and your encouragement. So thank you for talking to me through that because I probably would’ve never done it or I would’ve pushed it off for a while if I hadn’t brought it up to you.

@heaven-with-mark • Babe, I honestly have no idea where our friendship started. I think it was you posted something and I came to check on you and then we just started talking. And then we talked almost every day all day for like a month. We’d be going crazy as we stayed up late. You’d show me all your pets and tell me their adorable and unique names which I loved. We’d talk about several random ideas and we’d talk about our problems too. I know we haven’t talked that much recently but I really miss you and I hope you are doing well.

@lonely-xplr • Bree, you are someone I’ve always looked up to. Ever since I started writing on this app and joined this fandom, I’ve looked up to you. You are so smart and so nice to talk to. I know that if I ever need someone to talk to, I can go to you. You always seem to send me something nice right when I need it and I am so grateful for that and you. I love you so much and I hope you know how much you mean to me.

@fttayla @ilovejjmaybank @demxters • Liv, Nat, and Elle, I love you all so much! You are so kind and super supportive and I thank you guys for that. Y’all are so cute too and your friendships have made me so happy.

@reinad-snc @goddess-of-time-and-magic @reddesertcolbs @xplrtrash @sarcasmhadachild @colbylover99 @cartiercolby @ygsucks @starrybrock • to my @traphousedaily babies and Kayla, you all made me feel welcome in this Sam and Colby tumblr fandom family. When I joined this group of wonderful people, I felt like I wasn’t alone and just posting my fics. I felt like I apart of something greater and I made great friends because of it. Each of you are so incredibly sweet and amazing people and I am so happy that I have gotten the chance to meet you all and become friends with you too.

@itsnotgray @ilguna @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @xplrvibes @golbrocklovely @golbrockstar @turnupbrock @socialwriter @mrsmaybankhere @spilledtee @bricksatlandyswindow @dmonchld @killingbxys @nxsmss @mxltifandoms06 @uwubonebabie @rafej-cambanks @drewstarkeysbitchh @faithie-brock-gillespie01 @cognacdelights @tovvaa @moniamaybank @themaddies-obx @cuddlycolby @xplrsworld @makebank @rafeyybabyy • there are so many more but there is a tag limit to each post so I’ll probably comment to add some more but each of you have made my 2020 better. Some on small ways and others in bigger ones but each of you have brought me happiness and made me smile more so for that, thank you.

So after that reflection, I have realized that 2020 may not have been the greatest year of our lives but at least for me, the great points outweigh the bad ones tremendously. Here’s to 2021 :)

[staygoldaj]

Analysis on the MHA Girls

(Part I: Uraraka & Momo)

I know that the fandom tends to dislike these queens and push them aside, and I know Hori doesn't really know how to write women, but what he has given us is great and I wish the fans would appreciate these awesome ladies more. So here's an analysis for my girls, I wanna do an analysis on the three musketeers (broccoli, popcorn, & candy cane) so that'll be posted soon too :)

Uraraka

BEST. GIRL. I love Uraraka so much, she is the reason why I started watching MHA and she's such a sweetheart, I wish she wasn't so hated amongst the fandom.

We first meet her as this wholesome, bubbly girl who saves Midoriya from falling, and it's pretty clear that she's gonna be the main love interest. Honestly, I was a little disappointed during her first few scenes. Like I said, she was the reason why I started MHA, and she turns out to be the typical sweet girl the main dude has a crush on. I didn't have high hopes tbh. What first intrigued me was when she admits her reasons for becoming a hero. You would never expect the innocent girl-next-door love interest to be doing something for money. Even she herself says it's "such an unwholesome motivation" in comparison to Midoriya's and Iida's reasons, and she gets praised for "looking out for herself." This is the first misconception I see often on her character; she wants money for herself because she's poor. If you look into her reasons, she just wants to make money for her parents, not for her, so that her parents can take it easy. She is just as selfless as Midoriya and Kirishima, but I don't see her get praised for her selflessness nearly as much as for those two or other characters. I also really like the small flashback they included; her father tells her to not worry about them and to follow her dreams. Whether at the start Uraraka truly wanted to be a hero or solely did it for the money is up for interpretation. I personally think she started solely for the money, which I'll get into after I talk about the Sports Festival.

Uraraka vs. Bakugo is one of the most emotional fights in my opinion, and it's one of my favorites. EVERYONE in that stadium underestimated her. I'm not going to say that the reason was because she was a woman, but rather, Bakugo is pretty ruthless and powerful, where as she is not, and people knew that. The fact that she was a "small young girl" just added more fuel to that, if that makes sense. And this best girl did what she could to prove EVERYONE wrong. This is where Uraraka proves that she isn't a typical sweet shonen love interest and I wish people took notice in that. People think of ambitious, determined, driven, cunning, and powerful women as dark and mysterious, femme fatale so to speak. But this fight shows that Uraraka, a pretty extroverted, kind, and bubbly person, is all of those qualities, just as ambitious and determined as the strongest male characters in the show, such as Bakugo and Todoroki.

And when she loses the fight (after basically passing out btw, queen didn't stop until the very end), she doesn't just mope and quit and wait for encouraging words from her love interest, she 1. GIVES the encouraging words TO her love interest and 2. she understands that her quirk alone isn't going to be enough to get her to the top, so she carefully chooses a hero agency where she knows she will be taught combat, AND SHE LEARNS. The next time her class is attacked by villains, she single-handedly takes down one of the more dangerous members without a quirk, just with the fighting skills she took the time to learn.

Back to what I said earlier, Uraraka started her hero journey solely for money. This plays directly into her development in seasons 3 and 4, which is criminally underrated. She sees her entire class working harder than ever, and even though she's dealing with unfamiliar emotions, she decides to push those emotions aside to not fall behind, determined to be a good student and hero like her classmates. During the events at Shie Hassaikai, Uraraka finally learns the true environment a hero works in. Failing to save Nighteye, she realizes that what she truly wants for herself isn't money or Midoriya, it's being a hero who saves people. I believe Nighteye's death directly ties into the "who protects heroes when they need protection?" line. This recent chapter in the manga makes me think that she's gonna do something big and go through a character arc. I said this on Twitter and I'll say it here, I want Uraraka to become a hero who protects heroes (whatever that could mean, it has a nice ring to it lol). Honestly, her character has sm potential, I'm excited for what Horikoshi has in store for her.

Momo

God is a woman and that woman is Momo Yaoyorozu. I'm tired of people calling her annoying because of one episode, as if you've never had self-esteem problems before 🙄 so now I'm going to talk about why she's amazing 😋

My initial impression of Momo was the typical smart girl, stern, formal, and aloof, but still caring. And as I rewatch the series, I believe this is what Horikoshi was going for at first. I think her voice was deeper in the first season too. As much as I love the Erza type of characters, I love where Horikoshi ended up going with Momo. As a teenage girl, I find the arc she went through during season 2 very relatable. It's obvious that Momo was raised to have full confidence in herself. While she may not show it like Bakugo does, I think it's obvious that she's not used to losing, she was probably praised for having an amazing quirk growing up, like Bakugo, but is a way more humble about it because she was raised differently. So at the Sports Festival, she experiences losing, seemingly for the first time, in a place where she just can't afford to lose. But she does. And this takes a huge toll on her.

She's rich, pretty, the top student in class, and admired by her peers, but obviously that's not what mattered to Momo. What mattered to her most in that moment was looking good in front of agencies, what mattered most was to be a worthy hero, and she feels like she's failed. She seeks guidance from a female hero, hoping to have a female role model guide her through issues she has as a 15 year old girl, but instead finds herself being used for her looks. Again, Momo doesn't care about any of that, she just wants to be considered a worthy hero, and her defeat at the Sports Festival made her completely lose the confidence she needed to accomplish that goal.

Now we have the Yaoyorozu Rising episode. Fans who hate her often refer to this episode as "evidence for Todomomo", "her being annoying by not knowing what to do," etc. etc. etc. 🙄

I like Todomomo. It's a cute and healthy ship. There are WAY more Todomomo scenes, not in this episode. Todoroki is a side character in Momo's story in this episode. This episode is MOMO'S. Sorry but she’s not sharing the spotlight. I know that seems a little aggressive, sorry, but this episode shows a lot of development in Momo, and it just gets brushed off as Todomomo content when it's not. She did know what to do, btw, she has a plan. She didn't know how to communicate that. She didn't want to communicate that. She was scared that her plan wouldn't work. She was scared that she'd fail. All of that stems back to her defeat at the Sports Festival, she has lost a major amount of confidence, and Aizawa and Todoroki notice this. Aizawa even says that her actions are of a normal 15 year old girl's, and even though he wished to help her, he couldn't, so Todoroki does it in his place. This is something I notice about Momo that is one of the most relatable things I've ever seen in a teenage girl in not just shonen, anime but just in fiction in general: she knows she has a good plan, but she doesn't have confidence in it until someone else gives her the validation. Upon seeing that others trust her, she regains her confidence and fulfills her plans with excellency. She is a REALISTIC 15 YEAR OLD GIRL which is honestly SO refreshing to see in a work of fiction. It's what I love about her character: she represents many teenagers, girls, boys, and theys alike.

And yeah, it might've been annoying if she had stayed the "has good plans but only executes them if she gets the validation from others" type of character. But she doesn't. By season 3, she has shown a significant amount of growth. She is shown to be more of a leader now that she's more confident in herself, and she's still dealing with it (that one scene with Sero & Jiro 💀), but she's gotten a lot better after realizing her worth, after realizing the trust others have in her, after realizing that others see her as an intelligent leader. So in the forest, she quickly comes up with a plan and executes it quickly. Had she not done this, had she not thought and acted quickly, who knows how long it would've taken before the heroes found Bakugo.

Another thing I want to mention before I finish Momo's section- at the hospital, All Might calls her a worthy hero because of her actions. It was her inability to act quickly at the Sports Festival that made her doubt her worth, and it's her ability to act quickly that makes All Might see it. I think this plays a major role for her character, maybe why she ultimately decided to go on the mission to save Bakugo. She's gonna have some of the spotlight to herself during the Joint Training Battle.

I also want to mention something from the manga, if you don't want spoilers then don't read this part.

Some of Midnight's last words in the manga are "Yaoyorozu's going to make a fine leader someday," which shows how her peers and mentors alike notice her potential. Additionally, she proves this statement right by quickly coming up with a plan to stop Gigantomachia. I'm very excited to see how Momo develops into an even more inspiring leader as the manga continues.

[buildyourwalls]

H/D Fic: Let It Fall (E, ~117k)

Title: Let It Fall Rating: E Pairings: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley and Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger Word Count: ~117k Content: Please refer to the full tags on Ao3 Trigger Warnings:  Discussion of Miscarriage; Death of a Canonical Character; PTSD and Panic Attacks; Minor Drug Use and Shawn Mendes Summary: Draco doesn't think he can ever love another person as fully and fiercely as he had with Astoria. Until a newly divorced Harry Potter comes to her funeral and changes everything.

Author Notes: Holy shit, I cannot believe this is happening and it's here. But here we are. I started this about a year ago when this story hit me at random and took over for several months. I am so grateful for all the people who helped me along with this journey, and the Oscar acceptance speech list will be as follows: 

@letteredlettered - For the first read through and hand holding when I was first in this fandom and needed a friend. @katemarley_Marley, @april-thelightfury115 - first run through alphas when I had no friends and was like wtf am I doing? InfiniKey - For the French translations and making Draco sound amazing. @lower-east-side​ - For the Latin, and for your love. @shealwaysreads​ - For the floral knowledge and general flailing <3 @thusspoketrish​, @aibidil​, @maesterchill​ - Trish, thank you for all your input, your listening, your love of my snippets. And thank you for the beautiful insights that you provided to me when my story had weak moments I didn't even know needed help. Aibidil, thank you for being a fucking queen and showing up at the 11th hour and helping a girl out with a speedy AF beta. I am so eternally grateful for your love. And Maester, thank you for being a brilliant fucking britpicker, for combing over this thing with a fine tooth comb and for setting aside family, work, and any other personal obligations you had so that I could get this done before AO3 decided to delete my draft. Each of you ladies are such incredible human beings, and I am forever indebted to your kindness and support. Most of all this wouldn't be completed without my incredible partner and my angel baby Alex. So for everyone who has been a part of this with me, I appreciate you and I will never forget your love and encouragement. 

Special thank you to @gracie137blogs​ for her beautiful poem that is on this moodboard. Without her graceful words I don’t know if this would’ve been as beautiful as it is now. 

Read on Ao3!

[kricketwritesstories]

Trick or Treat (PT 2)

Fandom: Shazam!

Pairing: Freddy Freeman/Fem!Reader

Summary: You were the Ice Queen of the school and you’re assigned to tutor Pedro Peña. Are you really what people have been saying you are? And what is going on between you and Freddy?

You jumped as a tray was placed on your table in the library. You looked up to see Freddy.

“What are you doing here,” you whispered.

“No one should have to eat lunch alone,” he said seriously, “so I figured I’d come here and eat.”

“What about Billy,” you asked.

“If you want, you can come to the cafeteria and sit with me and my family. If you would rather stay here then I’ll stay with you,” he said smiling at you.

You smiled brightly at him.

“Wow Ice Bitch smiles,” a girl a few tables over said loudly, “it’s freaking creepy.”

“Shhh,” the librarian warned.

You’re smile faded and you stood up grabbing your lunch bag, “Let’s go to the cafeteria.”

***

Over the next few weeks Freddy and his family took over your life. It wasn’t bad, it was just a 180 from your normal way of doing things.

Monday through Friday you tutored Pedro in their living room after school. Eventually, the whole family came in to help him during this time. All the support helped him catch on faster and he didn’t need to spend as much time studying.

At first that made you sad. However every time you made a move to leave, someone would kidnap you to do something else. You played dress up and dolls with Darla; played video games with the boys; and gossiped with Mary.

More often than not you stayed for dinner too. You quickly became another member of the family.

At school Freddy and Billy started walking with you to classes, and you sat with the family at lunch. The gossip mill was up and running with word that the ice queen was melting. That part didn’t bother you. What did bother you was a creeping fear that you would eventually wear your welcome out with these people you’d grown to love, and you’d be alone again.

Freddy was the only one to notice you start to seem sad and distant again. He wanted to talk to you about it, but when you two were alone he kept getting tongue tied.

It was because of this and his worry for you that had him finding himself knocking on Mary’s door.

“Hey Freddy, come in, what’s wrong,” she asked concerned.

“Can you talk to Y/N,” he asked suddenly, “she’s really sad and I don’t know why. I want to fix it but I can’t if I don’t know and I can’t talk to her because when I do my tongue swells and my palms sweat and I feel as smart as a freaking caveman and -“

“Freddy, breathe,” Mary said smiling.

Freddy took a breath and sat on her bed.

“Looks like that crush has gotten worse,” she teased.

“Crush? I’m in love with her,” he said honestly without even thinking.

Mary gaped at him. She wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. It surprised him even more that he didn’t backtrack. He must really love you.

“I’ll talk to her,” she promised.

Freddy sighed, relieved, “Thank you.”

***

“Y/N! Y/N,” Darla said jumping up and down excitedly when you came through the door, “can you take us trick or treating, please? Freddy said he’d take me and Eugene this year but I really want you to come to, please?”

You smiled at her enthusiasm and pretended to think about it.

“Can I still wear a costume even though I’m not trick or treating,” you finally asked.

“YAY,” Darla squealed as she jumped up and hugged you.

“Hey, Darla I need Y/N” Mary called from the top of the stairs.

“Be here, October 31st at 5pm sharp,” Darla whispered before she skipped off.

“Will do,” you laughed as you headed up to Mary’s room.

You shut the door and walked over to Mary’s bed and sat down.

“Is everything okay,” you asked a little nervously.

It was Saturday and you had planned to just hang out in your room and read when Mary had called and said she needed to talk in person.

“I’ve noticed,” Mary said carefully, “that you’ve been seeming a little worried or bothered lately. Is everything okay?”

“Umm,” you stalled as you played with the hem of your shirt, “Yea, Yea I’m good.”

“Y/N,” Mary said in a warning tone.

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid,” you said as you looked at her, fear in your eyes.

Mary walked over to sit on her bed with you.

“I know we haven’t been friends for long, but you can talk to me,” she encouraged.

“For how long,” you said sadly, “how long until I get too annoying or too clingy.”

“What are you talking about,” she asked confused.

“I’m over here like 6 days a week. We hang out in school,” you said like the problem was obvious.

“So,” Mary asked.

“So when are you guys going to have enough and I won’t be welcome here anymore and then I’ll have to go back and eat in the library by myself again,” you said tears spilling over onto your cheeks.

Your hands were formed into fists and digging into your legs. A panic attack was coming on fast and strong. You’ve never had one in front of another person and it was making your anxiety even worse.

“I know I’m too much,” you said through gritted teeth as you tried to control your breathing.

“Y/N, breathe,” Mary said calmly as she got on her knees in front of you.

She calmly helped you through your attack.

“You’re not too much. Whoever has you believing that you’re too much is an idiot,” she said sincerely as you calmed down.

“My old friends,” you said softly.

“What,” she said surprised.

“I used to have a group of friends,” you explained, “but they said I was too much. I’ve been through a lot, but I’m lucky compared to most. I don’t know my dad...my mom was in my life but she straight up told me to my face she didn’t like me that I look too much like my dad and I’m not fun and she left. A lot of people feel bad that my grandparents got stuck with me so I’ve tried so hard to not cause trouble and to make good grades so they don’t have to worry about me. I’m always too much.”

“Look at me,” Mary said seriously, “you will never be too much for this family. Ever. You’re stuck with us...and I promise you you won’t ever have to eat in the library alone again unless you want to.”

“Are you sure,” you asked still unsure.

“Trust me,” she said her eyes glittering playfully, “especially if Freddy has anything to say about it”

You immediately felt your whole body turn red.

“Oh my gosh you like him,” Mary said in happy shock.

“Shhh,” you said standing up and walking to her door.

You opened it and looked around cautiously before feeling safe enough to close it.

“I know what you’re wearing for Halloween,” Mary said suddenly, “let’s go!”

“Where are we going,” you asked as she pulled you out the door.

“To get your costume.”

***

*Halloween Night 4:45pm*

“Mary, why am I wearing this,” Freddy asked feeling slightly uncomfortable, “I mean I love The Dark Knight and all but I was going to be Superman.”

“Just trust me, okay,” she said with a knowing smile, “Now I’ve got a party to get to, Y/N should be here in about 15 minutes.”

“Wait! Y/N is coming,” Freddy called after her in a panic.

“I asked her to take us,” Darla said happily, “with you too of course.”

“Oh great so I’m in costume and she’s going to be normal because we’re just waking you guys and I’m going to look like a total d-“

“THAT’S Y/N,” Darla cried as she ran towards the door you had just knocked on.

Freddy nervously adjusted his Batman mask and tried desperately to think of someway to look cool in front of you. He stopped short when he saw you come in. You were dressed in a short, tight Wonder Woman costume complete with a lasso of truth.

“Looking good Batsy,” you said as you saw Freddy in his costume.

“You look incredible,” he said without thinking.

You wished Wonder Woman had a face mask like Batman, because if she did he wouldn’t be able to see how red she turned at his compliment.

“If you two are done flirting I’d love to get some candy,” Eugene interrupted.

“Okay let’s go,” you laughed.

***

The first few houses you took them to were decorated on the scary side. Darla got nervous and Eugene started to tease her.

“Darla,” you said crouching to her level, “Halloween is a special night. It’s when we can be anyone we want and we can face our fears and laugh at them.”

“We can,” she asked amazed.

Freddy watched you with a completely lovestruck face as you calmed Darla down with ease.

Later on, you went to turn down a particular street and Freddy stopped you.

“There are some extreme houses that way, Darla won’t go down this street,” he said quietly.

“Let’s go,” Darla said puffing out her chest bravely, “Halloween is a night where we can laugh at our fears!”

She marched down the street and Eugene quickly followed. You were shocked at how brave Darla became because some of the houses freaked you out. One house had things popping out of their yard that caused you to jump. You grabbed Freddy’s arm on instinct and he leaned in close to you.

“Check out Eugene,” he whispered.

You shivered, and it wasn’t from the cold. When you looked at Eugene you noticed that he looked more than nervous.

The yard the four of you approached had strobes, smoke, and creepy music blaring. They also had life sized statues of Michael Myers, Jason Vorhees, Ghostface, and Freddy Krueger. Darla went up without fear while Eugene inched up the driveway cautiously.

You saw movement out of the corner of your eye. As you watched carefully your eyes widened at the realization that these weren’t statues...these were real people in costume. They stood stock still and every few moments they would move ever so slightly. When Eugene and Darla reached the end of the driveway Freddy and Ghostface jumped at them.

Eugene screamed and ran behind you and Freddy. Darla just laughed and skipped to the next house.

It would’ve been amusing if that were the end of it.

It wasn’t.

Freddy Krueger followed you four for 6 houses. At first you and Freddy used this opportunity to tease Eugene. You both sang, “1,2 Freddy’s coming for you...”

Eventually you noticed that Eugene was on the verge of a panic attack. That stopped you in your tracks. You turned around and faced Freddy Krueger.

“Hey it was funny, but your really freaking my friend out,” you said seriously, “can you please go back to the house you were scaring at?”

“I’m sorry,” came a deep voice behind the mask, “I’m honestly not trying to scare you guys. You’re gorgeous and I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to get your number.”

Freddy turned his back on you and the horror legend. He’d been trying to work up the nerve to ask you out for weeks now, and here he was being shown up - by another Freddy no less.

“I’m really flattered,” you said honestly, “but I’m in love with another Freddy.”

Krueger sighed and put his head down, “Fair enough, at least I tried. Sorry kid for scaring you!”

You turned around to face Freddy, your Freddy, not even registering what you said within earshot of him.

As was his habit around you, words spilled out of his mouth without him even thinking about it.

“What Freddy are you in love with,” he asked hopefully, “Highmore? Mercury? Prince Jr.?”

You took a deep breath, screwing up your courage you walked over to him. When you were inches from his face you said, “Freeman.”

You looked at him with your infamous Ice Queen face. You didn’t want him to see how desperate you were to kiss him. You didn’t want him to do anything out of pity.

It took Freddy all of thirty seconds to crash his lips onto yours. Your breath was taken away. For a first kiss it lasted longer and held more passion than you could’ve imagined. Freddy was an incredible kisser.

Freddy pouted as the need for air made him stop kissing you. He gently put his forehead to yours and asked, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Definitely,” you said enthusiastically, “especially if it means we can do that more!”

Freddy chuckled, “We can do that whenever you want...all the time even.”

You giggled and then your giggle turned into full blown laughter. He found himself smiling at you in spite of himself.

“What’s so funny,” he asked.

“I told you Batman and Wonder Woman were a thing,” you said as you pointed to your outfits.

“Okay this was cool and all, but let’s get candy,” Eugene interrupted.

Darla sighed dreamily, “Don’t interrupt their moment!”

“It’s okay let’s get back to trick or treating,” Freddy said to them before whispering to you, “sooner they’re tired out the sooner we can get home and makeout to a scary movie.”

“I love the way you think, Batsy,” you teased.

“There’s no way I can get you to change my nickname to Supes is there,” he teased back.

“Not if you want to make out with this Wonder Woman,” you said half joking.

“I am Batman,” he said instantly in his grittiest voice.

[kamekamelea]

creator tag meme 2019

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

OMG I’ve been tagged by so many awesome authors <3 it means so much to me, thank you @b99peraltiago @amydancepants-peralta @fezzle @ofbuttsandbombs @vic-kovac @feeisamarshmallow ❤❤❤ you all brought so much joy into my life this past year by awesome conversations and friendship, and of course your amazing fics! this fandom is so lucky to have you as I am lucky to be part of it

And since this post will be the only 2019 sum-up post, I’d like to thank Adele and Renee for always being there for me, patiently listening to my rants <3 I am so happy for our friendship

Here’s my top five

A single bed inconvenience

Being forced by the universe to sleep together in one bed may be an overwhelming experience for detectives Peralta and Santiago, but they are not the ones to back off from a challenge. 

the very fisrt fic I’ve ever written... the idea came to me in the middle of the night and even though now I cringe whenever I look back at it, I still feel this is a very important piece of my work (sorry for all the mistakes...)

the one where Jake learns to trust his daughter (or not)

omg this one ❤ written with @b99peraltiago in mind for her birthday, and a fic that is not entirely my style but I loved the process of writing it so much <3 happy other people also found it nice to read 😊😊

had no idea that you're in deep

A story based on a cliche prompt #16: I need a date for this wedding

Or, the sweet image of Jake and Amy slow dancing.

written for the amazing @amydancepants-peralta ❤ with enormous help from @b99peraltiago, her passion for slow dancing trope and encouragement was fuel for this story. Without you Adele, this fic would’ve never happen <3 

there was a time when a moment like this wouldn’t ever cross my mind

She looks deeply into his eyes, dark from the desire overwhelming him and whispers straight into his lips in an authoritative tone. “No, Jake. Fuck me with my uniform on.”

written for @disruptedvice as part of @b99fandomevents summer challenge, my first smut ever and well... by now my most “hitted” fic on ao3 😂 I’m proud of this fic and so happy my readers enjoyed it as well <3 however without the help of the Smut Master @amydancepants-peralta it wouldn’t be what it had become, thank you Renee 💕

sailing home once and for all

In the universe where Jake is a sailor from New York, he finds himself coming back home to this one special girl - detective Amy Santiago.

another fic for the challenge, holds a very special place in my writer’s heart - the biggest story, the biggest project so far and a trope (friends to lovers) that is definitely one of my favourite ones 😍 I think this fic may be my favorite one I’ve written this year 😊

Anyway, hope that 2020 will bring back my writer's creativity and some time because there are few wips that I would really love to share with you ❤

(I'm not gonna tag anyone bc from what i've seen i think everyone has done it already but if you haven't - pls feel tagged by me 😊)

Happy New Year everyone! I love you all and wish you all the best in the upcoming year!

[its-love-u-asshole]

Pairing: Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki, Awashima Seri/Douhan Hirasaka 

Summary: Saruhiko would never admit to being inspired by...anyone really, but he's come to learn there are always exceptions.

Rating: T

Tags: fluff, established relationship, fushimi pov

Note: yooo ITS BEEN FOREVER!!! I assume this year will be the last sarumi fest, so I thought I should do at least a little something! I missed these two losers a lot, they're the pairing that brought me back to writing four years ago, and I owe the K fandom so much. I've met some amazing, lifelong friends, and whenever I remember my days in the fandom I just remember endless support and encouragement! I'm sad this will probably be the last K fic I'll ever write, but I'm also glad I'm sticking to my roots and delivering some plain old fluff ^^ (also seri and douhan pft I adore them) I hope you enjoy!

It starts with Douhan and Seri.

Saruhiko never would've expected it from them; out of all the people in his life who he's...somewhat comfortable calling friends, they're the two who annoy him the least. Sometimes they drag him to the gym or the mall, if for no other reason than to expose him to sunlight and fresh air...but even then, their words and the general cadence of their voices don't grate on his nerves.

He's...not entirely against being around them, is what he means.

Even when the two women began to date that didn't change, though he did avoid them during the first month. Back then, the intimate and subtle demonstrations of affection didn't compute in his mind. He couldn't make sense of them without feeling weird; a strange coiling would start in his gut and work through his body until he couldn't sit still. Like a code he couldn't crack or particularly rough work day, he couldn't figure out what it was about every delicate touch or private whisper.

It was uncomfortable, and he hated to admit that. He hated being bothered by things he didn't understand.

At least with large crowds or hot-blooded people, it was easy to explain away; they were annoying, simple as that.

Yet, like with a lot of other habits he'd clung to over the years, the instinct to shy away from understanding when it came to that level of intimacy began to be more trouble than it was worth.

There was just nothing to fuel it anymore, and besides...

Douhan and Seri simply embodied something he was grasping for, something he’d always been grasping for, though he refuses to admit it.

Back then, and now. Nothing has changed.

"I like you, Saruhiko!" Misaki says at the top of his lungs. It's too loud, the volume might make Saruhiko squint in distaste.

If it were anyone else.

Misaki had always been his exception, and he never liked to admit it.

Saruhiko's heart stops in his chest as he stares at his best friend, looking like a drowned rat on his doorstep. They'd met for dinner on the other side of town; by that time, it was a habit. No more distrust, no more fights...

Just a lightness Saruhiko never thought he'd feel again, something he's still not used to feeling.

And just when he thought he was okay with just that, just when he'd begun to ignore the nagging in his mind which always seemed to want Misaki closer and closer, the other decided to cross the distance entirely.

Saruhiko's honestly shocked the redhead was dealing with the same issues, but now there's no way to deny the possibility.

Because Misaki is here. He probably ran all the way back from his home at this ungodly hour because as always, he couldn't wait. He couldn't just...slow down.

And Saruhiko's completely powerless to do anything but cave.

When Saruhiko doesn't say anything for a while, Yata's rain-soaked features flood with red, and it’s not like that of his aura. "I-I mean, like-like you know?"

Yes, he does.

Shockingly he does.

Misaki is blushing for Saruhiko, and it's so satisfying and scary all at once.

"I probably always have but--I was waiting for you to get over yourself!"

Saruhiko almost laughs.

Of course. He could make fun of Misaki's shyness, his complete inexperience with anything resembling romance. How could he possibly know what he feels? How does he know Saruhiko deserves it?

Those are the instinctual questions which run through his mind, but they're not the last. Again, old habits don't necessarily fade away, but they lose some of their power, as all things do.

Saruhiko can't run from this, not this time.

He clicks his tongue after the longest silence in the world, and Misaki's fidgeting comes to an abrupt halt.

"Was that supposed to be a confession?" Saruhiko laughs, and for a moment, he sees the fear in Misaki's. The moment where he knows the expected defiance should be, the refusal. Saruhiko can't hold it against him, it's what part of him still yearns to do.

Yet, Saruhiko still defies expectation. "I bet I could do a better job."

It's a lie, his hands are shaking from how much of a lie it is. He's not sure what he's capable of these days, but when Misaki is looking at him like that...

He can't deny him anymore.

Misaki's eyes widen, the clear shock so priceless and satisfying, despite the uneven beating of Saruhiko's heart. Then, it's gone, replaced with a grin too bright and fiery. Lately, Saruhiko sees it a lot, but he'll probably never be used to it. Misaki scoffs, the challenge burning in his eyes. "Yeah? Prove it."

And in a matter of seconds, the doorstep is as empty as before.

Many would say he was just as bad as Seri and Douhan now. After that, things seemed to spiral. It’s been a year, but with Misaki, time seems to stretch on and on. His boyfriend has a habit of making everything they do together seem like the first time, it's a power Saruhiko has yet to understand.

But, otherwise, he's used to it now. He gets it, in a way. The intimate touches, the whispered words, he's familiar with them now, along with a hundred other small things which come with being with Misaki.

So, Seri and Douhan were no longer an issue.

For a year.

Unfortunately, here they are again, disrupting his normal stream of consciousness with a boulder, leaving him stranded and stuck without an ounce of knowledge of where to go next.

He watches from his desk as Douhan gets down on one knee, revealing a rose gold wedding band with opal in the center.

Why does Seri's desk have to be in his immediate line of sight?

Saruhiko's finger twitches as Douhan slides the ring onto Seri's finger; it's a fitting choice, given their different clans, he guesses. When it comes to accessories, Douhan always knows best. The opal reflects all the colors.

Douhan's normally neutral face is the same to any outside observe; but Saruhiko sees the gentle upward tilt of her lips, the shakiness of her usually precise hands.

It's overwhelming, but he can't look away.

Again, they've thrown him totally off center, and with what? A proposal?

Why does that bother--

He crushes the question like a glass bottle. He knows why, and he hates it. It's so pathetically vulnerable and unnecessary and yet...

He sees the way Seri blushes, the mistiness taking over her strict expression; Douhan is truly bold, coming to their place of work to make such a grand gesture.

The guys are already up and congratulating Seri loudly, but Saruhiko hears none of it.

Seri jumps into Douhan's arms and then green eyes meet him from across the room, like they know he's been watching. They always know.

Douhan gives him a knowing look, it doesn't even last a second, and then her focus is all Seri.

Saruhiko understands.

Yes, that's why the gesture bothers him, because unlike before, he does understand this. He just wishes he knew how to deal with it better.

The proposal bothers him for one reason and one reason only: he wants it.

Saruhiko wants.

And it never gets easier admitting that.

Beside him, his phone buzzes, like it tends to around this time. He knows exactly who it is before he picks it up, and it drives his new revelation home.

Misaki: Hey! We r still grabbing dinner yeah?!

Don't they always?

Saruhiko's eyes soften, he can feel it, and he can't do anything to stop them.

Saruhiko: We do every Thursday.

It doesn't stop him from being a bit of a smart-ass though.

He doesn't read the barrage of texts he gets after that, though the urge is there. His phone vibrates for a few seconds, some weak retort Saruhiko will no doubt tease his boyfriend for later.

Then, thirty seconds pass, and a reluctant buzz comes again. Saruhiko doesn't have to read it to blush, Misaki is so predictable sometimes.

There's about two hours until he's off work, not enough time for what needs to be done, but he pulls up a few websites anyways.

As far as rings go, there's a lot to weed through, some gaudy and some plain. He wrinkles his nose, and the light feeling in his chest doesn't leave him for the rest of his shift.

It takes him a while to realize it, but he finds he doesn't care what rings they have, all of them suit Misaki in Saruhiko's mind, and nothing will probably change that.

He doubts he'd try.

[wizardessheart-sideb]

In today’s episode we talk about Vincent’s sequel and maybe getting Joel’s soon-ish.

As per usual, the video is hardsubbed in English, but here’s a full transcript under the cut

HEWWO!

Hello everyone, welcome to Royal Magic Academy Radio, a podcast about Wizardess Heart. I’m your host, Mari. I’ve finally emerged from my haze that came with Fire Emblem: Three Houses coming out and now that I’m like 60 hours into that game, it’s time to focus on my other emotional support game *laughs*. But in all seriousness. So some housekeeping things: I’m going to make this podcast biweekly so episodes are a bit longer and I’ve got more time to prepare for them. I’m also wanting to branch back into my older interests as well as make more otome content, so this podcast being biweekly will also give me more time to work on those other projects. But yeah, that’s it. So without further ado, let’s get started.

GAMING NEWS

In gaming news, a new star collection event debuted. The Pit of Curiosities is circus-themed, and yes, Caesar’s in it, which I have to admit made me nervous laugh when I first saw it because. You know. Apparently he’s not re-traumatized though, so it’s fine. I’m saying apparently because I haven’t read it. To be honest, I haven’t read any of the stories because I’m just really not feeling this line-up. I also don’t have a huge nostalgic soft spot for circuses and fairs like a lot of people do, so I guess that’s also feeding into my apathy for this event. My mom never let me on rides at the fair and I was never really into the carnival games or food so I just. Never went that often and never developed a love for fairs or circuses. 

The Seasonal Slot: Blue Ocean is back, and it’s running until September which is a blessing considering it has a lot of items and it’s 1,000 Romance Points per spin. I wasn’t playing when this slot first came out so I’m glad I have a chance to play it. 

Before I say a quick word about Joel, I want to give a heads up that the sequels mechanic is a little different now from when it first debuted. You have to spend at least one story ticket on the dude’s main story in order to read the sequel, and thank you to tumblr user einhornaufzuchtstation for the tip about only spending one ticket, and also I’m sorry if I just butched your url. But yeah, you can’t go straight into the sequel anymore. 

And finally, Joel’s early bird is being reran! It’s not a super long period, but it’s something.

FUTURE EVENTS/SPECULATION

So let’s talk about Joel for a moment in a more speculative way. If we all recall, Joel was number 1 on the sequel poll results Solmare did back in December. I’m kinda thinking this rerun may mean we’ll be getting the sequels fairly soon, or at least we’ll be getting Joel’s soon. I calculated the average time between a route’s rerun and the sequel release day, and it’s an average of 32 days, meaning theoretically, we could have Joel’s sequel around September 1. However, I wouldn’t hold my breath for it. Solmare’s been inconsistent because, remember, they reran Elias and then hurriedly reran Vincent and didn’t release Elias’ sequel for another couple months. But I do think this is a sign that the next batch of sequels is coming soon. I mean, we are going to get them eventually.

FANDOM HISTORY

It’s time for Fandom History! Originally for this segment, I was gonna talk about Klaus 2 Electric Boogaloo, but since we potentially  have the sequels coming up, I think it’d be fun to talk about the sequels and the mystery of what the hell happened with Vincent’s sequel. So I guess we’re really molding Fandom History with Wizcourse, Fandom Chat, and Theory Time. 

The year is 2018. Klaus and Yukiya’s sequels have been released and we’ve had reruns of Klaus, Elias, Yukiya, and Vincent’s main routes. We know there’s a sequel on the way and most people think it’s Elias’ since his main route was reran literally right after Klaus’ back in October 2017. And since we’d already gotten Klaus and Yukiya’s sequels, the fandom figured he was next. But we were in for a rude awakening. 

Ultimately, we figured out Vincent’s sequel was being released first and the Tumblr fandom wasn’t exactly happy. A lot of people were confused how Vincent ranked in the top 5 anyway, but it felt like Solmare was skipping over Elias, which yeah, they kinda were. If we’d gotten the sequels in main route rerun order, we would’ve gotten Elias’ sequel before Yukiya’s, but obviously that didn’t happen. People were kind of lukewarm to Veincent’s sequel. 

But then something happened that surprised everyone. There was an actual, real leak of Vincent’s sequel CGs on Tumblr. Now, our fandom uses the word “leak” as a blanket word sometimes, but when I mean leak, I really do mean it was a leak. All the CGs were posted before his sequel was released. And unfortunately, I can’t find this original post. I’ve searched for it before and I still can’t find any trace of it.

And as you can imagine, a lot of people were shocked that one, this happened, and two, to see Tsukasa Kuze in these CGs. A lot of people, myself included, who weren’t going to play Vincent’s sequel, were now going to play it for Tsukasa. And tbh that’s something I hear a lot that people who played his sequel either actually like Vincent or they played it for Tsukasa. So when his sequel dropped, people flocked to it and. Well. 

I can say with certainty that no one was expecting Vincent’s sequel to be like that. It’s still considered one of the worst sequels, if not the worst and one of the worst routes in the game. The plot was all over the place, it felt rushed, and it wasn’t a satisfying read. Also they took away my precious baby boy from me AGAIN so that didn’t make me happy. But anyway, it was a hot mess and people were curious as to why.

Klaus’ sequel wasn’t perfect, the deus ex machina in it was a bit on the nose, but it was still a fun read and satisfying. Yukiya’s sequel was quite literally amazing and incredibly well-done and it still holds up today. So for Vincent’s sequel to flop so badly was a huge shock. So naturally we did what any fandom does in times like this: try and think of a reason why this happened.

There’s the possibility Solmare was just trying to do too many ideas at once and they got caught up in it. You have the Philosopher’s stone drama, Devi, Tsukasa, Vincent’s job at the ministry, the school trip, the wedding planning. There was a LOT packed into Vincent’s sequel. 

There’s also the possibility that Vincent’s sequel wasn’t supposed to drop so early, but something happened with development and it got pushed forward and as a result, was rushed and the writers weren’t able to fully develop the story.

In the end, we’re never really going to know what happened with Vincent’s sequel, but it’s definitely going to be a memorable part of our fandom history.

DARLING OF THE MONTH

It’s that time again! It’s time to crown another Darling of the Month! Now, I was originally going to wait to showcase this dude and have him be our December Darling, but it’s 4am and I’m feeling self-indulgent so this month’s darling is Sigurd! Anyone who comments about pasta will be BLOCKED and REPORTED! Sigurd is a sweetheart and a flirt and and all-around great guy. He’s also a good tutor and very nice to look at. Not to mention he’s so encouraging. Sigurd’s honest-to-God boyfriend material. Congrats Sigurd on being bumped up like a whole bunch of months! Next episode will have a route review.

BYE BYE!

That’ll do it for us this week! Next time we’re doing the call and response I PROMISE, I won’t forget to put the prompt on Tumblr this time. And with that, it’s time for me to return to Fodlan and my new video game husbands Dimitri and Felix. This is Mari, signing off. 

[larissel]

Day 1: Stars/LETTERS

Fandom: Legend of Korra

Ship: Baavira

Words: 1863

Summary: The many letters she sent him throughout the years and the one she didn’t.

A/N: Baavira Week has officially begun, and I had fun writing this so I hope you all enjoy.

[AO3]

174 AG

Dear Baatar,

Hey, how are you?

- Kuvira

Two weeks later, the letter was sent back to Kuvira, unread and unopened. She held it tightly in her hold, staring down at it with an unwavering gaze before slipping the envelope under her thin mattress without a word or even a single sound escaping her lips.

174 AG

Dear Baatar,

There are many things I often overhear from those chatty guards who are unfortunately standing guard to keep a close eye on me, as if I can actually cause harm in here. It’s pitiful having to listen to their dreadful lives, how boring it is—it’s no wonder one of their spouses left them. I, at the very least, like to believe I’m the first exciting thing that has ever happened to them. However, I must admit that their companies aren’t unwarranted.

It gets so quiet here, especially at the night where I am surrounded by these wooden walls and floors. My wrists are tied down to the very element I speak to, but all I receive in return is nothing. I am dreading the night. The nightmares are back and I’m tired.

Yet, this is still more than I deserve. I hope you’re doing all right.

- Kuvira

174 AG

Dear Baatar,

Problems are beginning to arise in this forsaken city. Criminals fighting amongst criminals, the rich taking an advantage of the weak, an unfit president who only cares about his own imagery and hide, and worst of all, the Avatar chose the wrong time to disappear again. The people are furious and I should also add the fact that the spirits are somehow involved too. I guarantee none of this would’ve happened if I was in charge. To make matters even worse, the Earth Kingdom is currently sitting in an unrestful state and the fools here are too damn stubborn to admit they need my guidance.

- Kuvira

174 AG

Dear Baatar,

Your mother is still an idiot.

- Kuvira

174 AG

Dear Baatar,

I was right…once again: they do need my help. I try not to be cocky about it, but I couldn’t help it but to let it slip out. I’m going to be temporarily released under the watchful eyes of the Avatar. None of her friends trust me, which I don’t blame them for their resentment but it’s not like I care about their opinions either. I am not doing this for them. I am only here for the people…our people. They still have the best interest of my heart. I would do anything to keep them safe and bring order back, even if it means I’m the one who’s no longer leading this cause. But who knows what will happen, maybe our people still wants me and my voice to lead the cause. I just hope I haven’t lost my touch.

It’s been a while since I my fingers touched the earth and the warmth of the sun kissing my skin.

- Kuvira

175 AG

Dear Baatar,

I hate to admit it, but this new order they’re implementing for the Earth Kingdom may work.

- Kuvira

179 AG

Dear Baatar,

It’s happening. I’m finally being released from prison after serving for five years, but I’m not a free woman just yet. Apparently, the court wanted to sentence me to life or send me to death row, I was lucky enough to have Korra by my side and vouch for me. I know, right? It’s hard to believe my former enemy is now a friend, a very good friend. She have been coming by three times a week, these meditation sessions we have together have been helpful to ease my mind. I don’t deserve her friendship.

Well, this may be the last you’ll hear from me for a while. By the time you get this letter, I have been sent out to work for the United Republic under the watchful eyes of the United Forces. I have been contracted to work off the rest of my sentence as a hard laborer. They say it’s awfully pitiful if my talent were wasted away behind bars. I just hope they don’t change their minds, I’m not as skilled as I used to be.

Until then, I’ll talk to you later.

- Kuvira

P.S. I hear you opened your first business. Congratulations.

180 AG

Dear Baatar,

It’s quite amazing to see how far the teleological boom has spread throughout the Earth Kingdom in just a few years; things we weren’t able to achieve during the Earth Empire’s reign, and speaking of that, I have been thinking more and more as of late, reminiscing the past…albeit, nothing fondly. I realized that there were things I could’ve done better, things that wouldn’t make me into the monster I was...still am perhaps. I did my best to apologize to those I had hurt…which reminds me…

I’ve never apologized for all of the physical and emotional pain I caused you. When I shot that warehouse, thinking you were dead, part of me at that very moment died too and so did my humanity where I felt like I was drifting into an eternal and cold darkness until Korra pulled me back to reality…and when I first heard you survived the ordeal. You have no idea how relieved I felt, crying with tears of joy and tears of sadness because you could’ve been dead because of me.

There’s nothing I can do to take back what I did and there’s no amount of fantasies and thinking about all of the what-ifs could ever change anything. All I could do is to say sorry. You don’t have to forgive me or ever; no amount of forgiveness could ever erase the things I have done. I accepted that fact. The prices of my sins are being paid for right now and maybe throughout my future lifetimes. I’m willing to take that burden for you too.

Tell your family – especially your mother – that I’m sorry for everything.

- Kuvira

180 AG

Dear Baatar,

Give Bolin and Opal my congratulation and best regards. I heard they’re tying the knot on this very I have written this letter, I’m glad; they really are my favorite couple. But I just realized today would’ve been our fifth wedding anniversary if things went according to plan.

- Kuvira

180 AG

Dear Baatar,

The Earth Kingdom is always more beautiful up north, the sky is clearer and I can see the stars better. It’s breathtaking, but it still doesn’t beat the view back at Zaofu. Are they still as beautiful as they were like the many nights we used to share when we were younger? The tales you would often tell and ones I’ve never get tired of hearing, my favorite is still about the Four Symbols in the sky. But I am not here to discuss old memories and the sake of nostalgia…

The first snowfall is here now, winter has arrived. You know how dangerous it can be in this region at this time of the year. This may be the last you’ll hear from me until spring comes.

- Kuvira

189 AG

Kuvira never thought this day would come when she stepped out of the Republic City’s police department, today is finally the day she’s a free woman; a fifteen year sentence completed, what a journey it has been. Her eyes lingered on the spirit portal from the distant, the city illuminating under its ethereal glow and how the shadows are dancing on the building walls.

Her gaze eventually turned away, turning to the empty streets. It was past midnight, no one could be seen walking in the street where others thought it would be the best and wisest idea that she should be release at this hour where she wouldn’t be met with a large press and an unwanted crowd. She knew well enough that she still wasn’t the most popular figure and it would take a long time for others to at least not view her with contempt.

She was waiting for her pickup that should’ve been here moments ago, dropping her off at her new home in the city. Her arms clutched the box she held tightly where it contains her old uniform during her time as the Great Uniter, a few of her personal items, and the many letters she sent through the years. She must have sent hundreds – thousands – of letters. Many of which were returned to her while others she’s sure enough have been lost…or burned.

However, there was only one that she hadn’t sent out. One of which that was fresh and pressed.

She knew what words were contained within the envelope:

Dear Baatar,

I missed you. I still love you.

- Kuvira

She really is a coward, too afraid to know the truth that he moved on and finally settled down where he no longer loves her. The very thought of this disappointed her, wanting to hit herself over and over again for having such feelings, it was only a few years ago she encouraged him to move on…find someone nice he can settle down with. Oh how quick the mind can change, regretting sending that letter out.

Maybe he finally moved on…married with kids that his mother can spoil…happier than he was with her.

Her thoughts were cut off when she heard a roar of an engine, looking up to see a satomobile was parked by the sidewalk in front of her. She felt nervous when the figure exited out of the vehicle, not knowing who they are as they approach her. Kuvira hoped whoever this may be held no ill feelings for her. However, as the figure got closer, her eyes squinted to get a better look at them before her eyes widened. “I-It’s you…” She began, feeling as though her entire world stopped for a moment.

“B-Baatar…”

He gave her a smile. “Hello.” He greeted her.

“What are you doing here?” Kuvira asked, confused.

“The chief sent me to get you.” His eyes moved down to the box she was holding with the letter resting on top catching his attention immediately.

“You don’t have to read it!” she squeaked out, a noise she never thought she would ever make in her life; embarrassingly, she sounded like a young and shy schoolgirl. Unfortunately, her words fell into deaf ears when Baatar was already reading the letter, quickly shutting her eyes shut tightly and kept her head down where she felt fear thundering in her chest. Her fear only increased when it became quiet for too long, her rapid heartbeats are the only ones she could hear pounding in her ears right until he called out to her with a note of his own waving in front of her face. “Is this…for me?” She asked warily.

“You really are a stubborn fool who doesn’t know when to quit,” he said gently, amused. “Go on, read it.”

Kuvira stared at the note for a moment before she slowly took it reluctantly into her hand, eyes welling up with tears when she read what he wrote:

Dear Kuvira,

I love you too.

- Baatar

[matriiiarch]

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Send me ♥ and I’ll write some positivity for a blog that I follow.

@patriiiarch - i cannot start off this positivity meme without first gushing about my gomez / my muse’s other half / my favorite scottish gem !! i am forever in awe of starry and her perfect interpretation of gomez addams. literally my blessing, i couldn’t have asked for a better rp partner, seriously. since the moment she first followed me, i was ecstatic and we’ve built up such an amazing rapport, gushing about the addams family, diving into hidden secrets with bts information & detail, really getting into the knitty gritty. we instantly clicked and the rest is history. she has such an amazing understanding of her character (of all of her muses, really) which is so refreshing and fun to experience. she doesn’t sugar-coat anything and her writing is impeccable! not only is she one of the sweetest people i’ve ever come to know on here, but she is equally as talented in everything that she does. her gomez in particular is pure perfection, to the point that my morticia would be nothing without them. we all strive to have that one writing partner where they just make our own muses complete and i found that in starry, of whom i am eternally grateful for. her attention to detail, the mindset she’s created for gomez, literally everything has me caught in an everlasting web of awe. 

@gloomfilled - i have known desii for many years, as she was a fan of mine back when i still portrayed Miriam Blaylock from the hunger featuring catherine deneauve and david bowie. she has continued to be both an amazing friend and writing partner and she puts herself in deep with every character she portrays. the fact that she decided to take on wednesday still amazes me, considering her busy schedule. although she maintains a low activity, she remains present and dedicated which is more than i could ever ask for. on top of that, her love and understanding for this fandom exceeds expectation that adds to her own creativity. she is a fantastic human and i am so incredibly happy for her that she’s recently become engaged with the woman she loves! congratulations, my baby bat ♥ i love you so much! thank you for everything. xx 

@daisiied​ - gin has literally been the one and only person who has stated interest in portraying morticia’s sister, ophelia and has delivered on her promise without holding back or giving up (even using my ideal fc for her!). not only did i gain a sister for my muse, but i gained a friend who’s ideas and interpretation of the character literally match my own and we bond so well in that regard that i cannot help but feel so incredibly grateful. ophelia is not an easy character to take on, granted and it’s understandable as to why all others who have wanted to test her out ended up not wanting to continue. believe me, i get it. but gin embraced the challenge, seemingly with ease and we have had an amazing experience in discussing at length the intricate details of this amazing sisterly relationship with ideas and backstories. she is an incredible individual who is fun and high spirited with such an incredible talent of writing and creativity in so many different ways! it’s been wonderful getting to know her and i am just so honored to have met her on here as a writing partner and friend. everyone should also visit her oc at @highwiitch !! 

@iinspectorjefe - steering away from addams muses for a bit, i have to acknowledge one of my best friends: bo. my treasure ; we have known each other for 3-4 years now and have an amazing partner-ship between her Javier Falcón and my Stella Gibson. a relationship i think we both secretly expected but didn’t automatically assume going in. honestly, all of her muses have been incredibly underappreciated which saddens me, because she is outstanding individual with so much creativity and i adore all of her muses with an intensity that i cannot fully describe! she really does deserve to have more attention than she’s given and she has literally been the bestest friend to me throughout the years. she drove 2 hours just to see one of my shows up in north hollywood and i cannot even begin to state how much that still means to me to this day. i encourage everyone to follow her muse(s) and interact because she’s incredible and such a lovely person. i love you so much, my treasure. never forget. ♥

@drdumaurier - don’t think i’m only writing this positivity for you because you sent in the ask, since i would’ve done one for you eventually either way. but i genuinely wanted to thank you so much for being so supportive for all of my muses ; reading my threads / offering feedback / giving praise / just, honestly the fact you read my writing in general means so much to me. also i absolutely adore you and am so sorry we couldn’t have started talking or writing together sooner. i love your take on bedelia (who is my absolute favorite character on hannibal not just because she’s portrayed by gillian anderson though that is a plus!) bee, you are seriously an amazing person and i am so glad we were eventually connected and started talking, i’m only sad that i don’t write with you more. there is so much in-depth character analysis and dedication that i admire, fueled with passionate love. you go above and beyond which is always amazing to see in a mun and muse establishment. 

[was-gryff-whitehills-apologist]

So, with a lot of encouragement from the amazing people in this fandom, I finally got the courage to contribute some written material to it, namely - my take on the fate of Gryff Whitehill following the events of the ttgot season 2 au, made by the amazing @badgershite & @littlpeggy, as well as other contributors. You guys are awesome & I never would’ve done this without you!! :D

This is merely the first part of the prologue, that, I hope, will be just the beginning, but it’s still kind of a big deal for me to put up my first serious work. Idk what else to say, I hope this doesn’t suck & somebody may even enjoy it, same way I’ve enjoyed all the great fanfiction by other ttgot fans.

Minor spoiler alert, so that people don’t get their hopes up - there is no Roslin in this part. Yet. As I’ve already said, I plan to write more of this & the best stuff is still ahead. ALSO, the thing might be rather cronologically weird, it has a specific structure, that I thought of when I wasn’t planning to split up the prologue. It’ll make more sense when both parts are out, so for now I’d like to clarify - it is basically Gryff’s flashbacks about two days: the day of him being sentenced to the Wall, and the day of his arrival there. They are divided in parts & going one after another. Hopefully, this will not be too confusing.

Being put on watch alongside Carn was a lesser evil in Gryff’s eyes. At the very least he could count on the man not to start any small talk, and that was enough for him to tolerate the sour expression the other wore like his face had frozen this way. As the cage slowly dragged the two of them up, the second watcher felt like a constant, relentless presence behind his shoulder, and Gryff could practically feel his sad, watery gaze glued to his back without any particular purpose. Clenching his teeth together & hands around metal bars in annoyance, he tried to distract himself by looking down, in the darkness. Ground had long since disappeared in thick mist – now it felt like they were just floating through nothing, and he honestly wouldn’t mind just staying this way, never really arriving anywhere, simply enjoying the darkness & silence, that soothed his sight & ears. Even Carn’s presence would be tolerable this way.

Only atop the Wall, equipped with their torches, the two of them parted ways. Normally, it would be sworn Night Watch brothers, rangers, tasked with patrolling, but things scarcely ever went normally at Castle Black lately. Actual rangers were even fewer in numbers than they used to be, and some of their usual tasks fell onto the newcomers – it didn’t take much skill or brains to drag yourself back & forth with a torch in your hand, ready to holler if you’d see something approaching from behind the Wall. That, unless you weren’t even capable of doing that without slipping down – but such men would not have lasted long here either way.

Gryff walked off in the opposite direction from Carn before the man could say a thing to him, and soon couldn’t even hear his steps anymore. Torches lit up the icy corridor for many steps forward, but darkness, where their light didn’t reach, was still almost tangible. When he reached a wooden observation deck, walking close to the edge, the light of his torch, that seemed bright before, could barely dispel it. That night there was no moon, neither stars in the sky to shed at least some light on the view in front of him, and it took some adjustment for Gryff’s eye to make anything out.

The Haunted Forrest, when you looked at it from high above, was reminiscent of sea – height & darkness making it look akin to deep waters at the bottom of an enormous cup. In broad daylight, it used to present quite a sight, but now it was just black, distant and… ominous, for the lack of better word. It spread for as far as eye could reach, it’s another edge hidden in the dark nightly fog & the very clouds, that touched mountains’ white peaks at the horizon. Endless, deep and silent, but in the back of Gryff’s mind always sat the realization – the seemingly peaceful view in front of him hid more, than it gave away.

Even half a minute of not moving out here, in the cold, made one feel like the freezing wind was getting under their skin, stealing the last bits of warmth. However, Gryff remained standing, gaze locked where the clouds met mountain tops. He knew, if he were to look down, at the very edge of the deck, the sheer sensation of height would become overwhelming and make him feel unsteady on his feet, his head spin & hands tremble. Despite everything, being up here was… special, and not necessarily in a bad way. It took his mind off the shit that was happening literally all the other time, off his own torturous thoughts, which made quite a bit of sense, actually. Things were different up here – even air he breathed in was not the same one he was inhaling the rest of the time. Life could continue to go to hell, both around Gryff & inside his own head, but on this small, unsteady platform atop the world, he did not need to be bothered. Just a few steps forward laid the edge of that very life – where it would no longer have any power over him.

It was still the forest though, that he kept going back to in his mind. Similar to that damn grove near Ironrath, in a way – the only places where he had ever witnessed trees grow that tall. Even some ironwoods grew the other side of the Wall, but he was long past caring about those, and now his thoughts were occupied by something different – what he had first witnessed at that very keep, what the wilderness further north hid, and what he hoped he would never face again – until it became apparent he might actually have to.

The undead.

It was quite a surprise to find out, that not all men of the Watch actually saw wights as a threat – despite the number of people, who had run in them, growing significantly. Many of those who never had the chance, however, remained skeptical or simply indifferent. Stories of dead men walking grew in numbers, but for many, remained just that – stories. What happened to the previous lord commander made quite a few waver in their disbelief, but was soon reduced to nothing more, than one more story. Confined in a black keep at the edge of the world for life, most men here fell into an odd pattern of reacting strongly to whatever unusual thing happened – only to go back to almost complete tranquility as soon as it was over. Few things mattered in the big picture as long as snow still fell, crows were still in black & the Wall still stood. The rest came & went & made no significant change. There was nothing to be done with it, other from turn it into one more story & then slowly, day by day, forget it.

Such way of life correlated well with the numbness in his mind, but Gryff still remained sharp about some things. He’d avoid whatever talk about wights other watchmen would start – just as he avoided most of their talk – but he still knew. The sight of corpses of the people he used to know standing up would flash before his mind eye every now and again, but he’d then just clench his teeth & move on. He ran from them once, and paid for it, and if fate would wish for another walking corpse to try & kill him – it best be prepared for him not to repeat that mistake. Back in the muddy & bloodied courtyard, they filled his whole being with such dread, that he thought nothing could replicate, but he was wrong, as always. There were things so much more worse, viler, and he was a fool for ever allowing himself to forget that. Clenching the torch harder in his grip, teeth gritted together & eye narrowed, Gryff looked in the darkness, where he knew more monsters were waiting for their time to come. When they would, he knew what had to be done – and he would be ready. No creature from stories, no wildling, or wight, or Other would scare him off again

Not after he had already left all the real monsters behind.

Hardly feeling a thing, he got up from his place, then passed the woman, looking directly at her, but failing to keep a picture of her face in his mind. In the back of his head, he understood lady Whitehill looked sad, almost childishly hurt, but that was it. She left zero impression, just some figure that was there & then vanished the moment he left the Great Hall. Gryff even had trouble recalling what she was doing during their “conversation” – looking at Torrhen… probably, or maybe at him, he wasn’t sure.

As the bars clanked when the door closed behind him, he froze for a moment, simply staring in front of himself, his fogged mind struggling to process what just happened. He was not dead, that much was clear, but such an unexpected occurrence rose another question – what the hell was he supposed to be doing now? Instinctively, a step-by-step course of action was forming – he needed to get to his room to fetch the things he was not going to leave here, no, not a fucking chance, visit his father’s crypt to say goodbye, and then- leave?

Yeah, genius, that’s what it was all about. That’s what he was told to do a fucking minute ago, that’s what was going to happen – he would leave. And this time, going back wasn’t a part of the plan – no, Torrhen has made a bloody decision, and there was no coming back from those. This was final.

Gryff had imagined it thousands of times, Torrhen towering over him, smirking & spitting out his death sentence in one way or another. In his fantasies, he was never supposed to abide by that – he would grab the sword & charge forward, knowing fully well he’d hardly deliver a strike before he’d be dead, by Torrhen’s hand or one of his guards’ arrows. If he happened to be tied up, restrained, all he’d be capable of would be struggling to break free, to maybe deliver a final punch or some shit, before being put down like a dog. But that didn’t matter – he always knew, that he could never win. The point was not winning – the point was going down on his own terms, going down fighting.

Or has it turned out, that he wasn’t even capable of that?

It felt like his head had been put underwater – Gryff was all too familiar with the sensation, even if right now there was no hand on the back of his neck to hold him in place. The world around him starting to swirl, noise filling his ears, suffocation grasping his lungs. A tiny still-functioning piece of his brain screamed for him to turn back & do what had to be done, but his instincts knew better. Cursed self-preservation, too strong to fight, that had so many times caused him not to strike back, and instead cower, uselessly try to shield himself from the beating, trembling & waiting for it to end. For all he knew, perhaps it was the only reason he still lived. Perhaps it was saving his life right now, by immobilizing him, making his limbs heavy & head light. Just accept it. It is the only way.

He was fucking done with accepting things.

For some time – seconds or minutes, he could hardly tell – it felt like his mind had almost floated from his body, leaving him with little perception of reality, outside of what the subconscious part of his self was trying get through to him. He was brought back abruptly, when Gryff’s hand slipped down to the pommel of his sword – at first feeling it, like he struggled to recognize the object, but a second later clenching the hilt tightly. His breath slowed down again, blood pounding as he unsheathed the blade, feeling the hard handle, the heaviness, those sensations that were bringing him back together. Steel was bleak & covered in blood & it’s sight made whatever bits of strength he had left concentrate in his arm, so that he almost felt like he could manage one last blow.

Perhaps it was still not too late.

Castle Black’s courtyard was big, white enough for his eye to start hurting & almost completely empty on the day of their arrival. Several men minded their own business here & there, polishing swords or carrying something, & none seemed particularly interested in showing the three guests around. Darrin – a soldier as tall as an oak, as thick as one, & with an intelligence of the said oak, from Gryff’ point of view – remained standing by his side like he was ready to grab him by the scruff if the Whitehill decided to run off; meanwhile, his second supervisor went on, likely to search for someone, who’d finally take Gryff off their hands for good.

Taking a chance to look around, he observed his soon-to-be home with the same sour expression, that hasn’t left his features ever since the departure from Highpoint. The place certainly looked more presentable than Ironrath ever had, at least under his rule, but at the same time gave an impression of being somewhat desolate. Gryff had, of course, heard, that the Watch had seen better days, but was not sure of the extent. It was still early in the morning, after all, and perhaps the courtyard would become more crowded in daytime. Those who were up already barely paid them attention. Here, behind the walls, wind was not as severe – Gryff had grown used to the cold through the last few days either way. It was likely he’d get used to whatever this new life had to offer the same way, albeit without any enthusiasm on his part.

“I’m goin’ to handle him, don’t worry.” The voice came from some watcher, walking in their direction alongside Arvin, the second Whitehill soldier. “Ser Raffard’s supposed to be handling the recruits, but gods know where the bastard is now. Forgive the inconvenience – things have been, well, disrupted here after all that happened…”

Gryff paid no mind to the explanations the stranger was giving – something about the former Lord Commander, the bloody Snow, who apparently couldn’t be found here any longer. Instead he observed the man himself, with the same sulky grimace. Watcher did not stand out in any way, clothed in dark, thickly built, bearded; only a small, but sincere half-smile distinguished him from the rest of the lot here.

Arvin was exhausted & annoyed, same as he had been throughout their whole journey. He got up at dawn that day, eager to finally rid himself of the burden his lord’s brother was, & now was barely suppressing the urge to yawn widely. Watcher’s words seemed to escape his attention, but he would not interrupt, likely afraid that the stranger would refuse to handle the newcomer & they’d get stuck here, looking for someone else. He clearly was more eager to turn back & have a longer stop at the Mole’s town than they did on their way here, celebrating the parting with his troublesome ward.

“Aye, and he” the soldier nodded towards Gryff, earning himself a scowl in response “is not going to make things any easier for you here. You sound like a sensible man, so I’m warning you – keep a closer eye on this one. I will not be surprised if his head rolls for desertion within the next month. He’s tried to escape several times on our way here – and he’s going to fight back when caught.” He concluded mercilessly, paying no mind to Gryff, who’s been shooting him dirty glares the whole time he spoke.

“You really need not worry.” Man’s half-smile did not falter & he looked at Gryff with an expression, that was almost encouraging. “We handle far worse here all the time, you know. Besides, you can never know a man from other’s words of him.”  Last words were directed at Gryff rather than anyone else, it seemed.

“I’ve got trouble imagining what could be worse than this.” Despite the sourness, it was possible to tell, that Arvin was being ironic, merely a tad. “By the way” he hastily reached in his pocket, getting out a small envelop which he offered to the crow. “Here are some… Clarifications from our lord, as well as, I assume, advice on how to handle him.” Shit, it flashed in Gryff’s head, would’ve been nice if someone ever gave him a clarification letter on how to handle three bastards, whose purpose in life was making him miserable. “I would recommend you listen to whatever it says. Lord Torrhen had always been one of the few, who could truly rein this man in. He knows what he is talking about.”

“You think lowly of me, ser.” With a slight roll of his eyes, black brother accepted the piece of correspondence carelessly. “I’ve always managed to keep my men under control without a written guidance, believe it or not.” He casually pocketed the letter, yet the moment the Whitehill soldier turned his gaze away from him, he winked at Gryff, suddenly & swiftly, causing the fourthborn’s eye to widen in confusion.

Arvin simply shrugged it off. Muttering some words of gratitude & farewell, he hurried back towards where their cart & horses were left without sparing Gryff a look. The latter heard Darrin utter some goodbyes, but didn’t as much as turn to look at the man. His assessing stare was kept firmly at the watcher. The Whitehill wondered what the other has been told about him during the part of their short encounter with Arvin, that he did not hear, but he sure as hell was not going to ask, or in any way make the man feel like he cared what he thought of him.

“So, Gryff Whitehill,” The watcher finally greeted him directly, reaching to shake his hand. “It’s Astor Greyson, and although you hardly feel the same way, it is good to meet you.”

He simply stared at the hand offered uncertainly. There was no reason not to greet Astor properly, not really, & it would not change a thing – yet Gryff just felt stubborn, stubborn & spiteful, as usual. He did not need any of this shit, did not need anyone pretending like something good or even normal was happening. This man could smirk & be friendly all he liked – Gryff did not care, not in the slightest. They could both be watchers, equals now, but that was just pretense. He would not be his, or anyone’s brother here – just a prisoner, someone to keep an eye out for & keep in line.

His arms remained locked across his chest & he kept silent, gloomily looking the other right in the eyes.

Astor waited a few seconds before taking the hand away. Half-smile did not go anywhere, on the opposite – it looked a little like he has been expecting this to happen.

“You’re lucky not to have to deal with Raffard right from the first moment here.” Greyson went on like nothing has happened. “You’ll still meet him rather soon though – you’re not too late for his sword training with the rest of the newcomers. You’ll meet up with the rest of them there, perhaps get to know some a bit. Seems like I’ll have to show you around today, huh?” Turning around, Astor motioned his hand, gesturing for Gryff to follow. “Let’s find someplace to drop whatever things you have, get you properly equipped and then we’ll have to get back here. Our new master-at-arms is not the type to excuse you for being late – even if this is your first day.”

He’d never been a fan of that bloody bunch of portraits, adorning the Upper Halls. His own one frankly sucked, from Gryff’s point of view – he had a dumb smile in it. There was no pleasure in witnessing the faces of his gone brothers more often than needed either, and, if the tapestry was not fucking enough, there were two more images of that woman. He had outlasted all three of them at Highpoint, but they still weren’t gone for good, as long as their memory, held in these pictures, lingered like a bad smell.

Well, it looked like, in the end, it was Torrhen who had truly outlasted all of them.

He had almost passed the corridor without taking another look, heading directly to his former chambers, but, out of the corner of his eye, spotted something unusual on the wall. Observing more closely made Gryff smirk sarcastically against his own will – my, it seemed like brother dearest had begun the process of getting rid of him long ago. He should’ve expected that – remaining holed up at the shitpile of Forresters’ stronghold could only work for so long. If only he had enough brains to have at least tried to do something about it earlier- fuck, there was no point in thinking about that now.

Gritting his teeth, he measured the damage done to the picture. Just because he himself hated the thing did not mean that arsehole had any right to touch it. Making it was a pain in the ass, Gryff recalled – he’d avoid posing by any means available, until both the artist & his father got fed up with it, and the former was told to simply draw him from memory. Perhaps that’s why his face ended up looking so unnatural, with an expression Gryff never actually wore in real life.

In a swift, jerky motion he tore the painting from where it was hanging. It gave an impression of an animal’s head on a hunter’s wall to him; a winner’s trophy. It was likely the way Torrhen viewed it as well, hence why he just tore it up instead of getting rid of it for good. It was all for the best, Gryff told himself, getting back on the way to his room & observing the thing in his hands with little remorse. He would need something to start a fire any way, and he knew, that canvas & paints burned brightly.

He had a dumb smile in it anyway.

The room felt exactly like he expected it to – cold, dusty, filled with that weird frowsy smell, that all abandoned rooms had. He threw the frame into the long-empty fireplace & then got a sudden urge to sit down, which he did, lowering himself on the edge of his bed.

The effects of his handicap were most apparent in situations like this – when he had to approach something old in his new state. His chamber seemed smaller than before, & now he had to turn his head around to observe it fully. The bloody eye. Gryff used to believe he’s gotten used to it, but was still reminded now & again what a difference it actually made. He rubbed his forehead a little, trying to collect his thoughts, but the helpless anger rising in his chest wouldn’t let him concentrate. The Whitehill got up, starting to pace back & forth in annoyance. He was supposed to be doing something, collecting things, saying goodbyes, some shit like that – but every inch of his being refused to comply. The concept of this being his last visit to the place, that used to be his haven, refuge, that he guarded from them by any means, was as unreal as… As unreal as having his whole line of vision split in two. They couldn’t be compared, he’d exchange the room for an eye, obviously – but the feelings were still eerily similar.

There wasn’t much left here after his departure to war – Gryff had never been the one to hoard many possessions, not with his brothers constantly trying to get to him by breaking or stealing what was his. Whatever item of importance he could not take with himself had been locked in a small chest by his nightstand. The key – hell if he remembered where the key was, but he had probably left it among the rest of his belongings, at Ironrath. After a short consideration, he unsheathed his sword & tried to force it under the chest’s top.

A few minutes later, the lock was broken & Gryff observed what was inside sarcastically. A thin bunch of letters, tied together with a piece of rope were probably the most important ones – he had a habit of burning most of his correspondence right after reading it, to prevent the bastards from getting their hands on it. Those would not take up much space. A wooden toy sword, an old thing he hadn’t tossed away by some earthly reason – perhaps it was given by father? After a moment of hesitation, it joined the portrait in the fireplace – better than having Torrhen’s servants discard of it when they’d start cleaning up the place. There was a small dagger he attached to his belt – his own had been lost during the cliff fall; minor items of clothing, an old book, some things, that he couldn’t even remember what purpose they were supposed to serve – most of it went to the fireplace. He wished there was some way to burn every fucking thing remaining here – the set of heavier armor, whatever clothes have been left in the wardrobe, that there was no point in taking – those were not black. Gryff could only destroy some of it, but it still gave him an odd sense of satisfaction. The least personal this place felt, the easier it would be to leave it behind.

He started the fire, then sat down on the fur in front of it & simply watched the flames for a little while, trying to concentrate on something other than the twinge of pain in his chest, that watching some of these things burn caused. Only now had he realized how cold he’s been this whole time – he got used to it, but when the short-lived warmth from the fireplace reached his frame, the contrast made shivers run down his spine.

Gryff couldn’t bring himself to think about anything particular, could not figure out what he felt. The prevailing sensation, now that he wasn’t moving, became low ringing in his ears & dizziness. Pain in the bruises & cuts, that he almost forgot about, was returning – not sharp, like it used to be, but still perceptible. He’d have to visit the maester, the Whitehill had to admit much to his own displeasure. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to even get in saddle if he didn’t at least wash the blood off. It’s smell & the feeling of it drying on his face was becoming sickening on its own.

Just a few minutes. He’d get going, as soon as he’d get warm, he was promising himself, even though every last cell in his body begged for rest. As an addition to the pain, sitting down made him realize just how tired he was – enough, that he felt a wish to lie down in front of the hearth & sleep for a day. Aside from being unconscious for some time, he had not slept since before yesterday, he was now realizing. Everything after that – the battle, the fall, the ride, the talk – was mixing into a blur in his head, becoming difficult to tell from one another.

Seriously, what harm would… say, just half an hour, do? Or a whole hour, for that matter… Being in his old room was likely affecting him this way. He’d usually crawl back here to bolt the door & lick his wounds, try to feel safe for a little while, give his nerves some rest. Sometimes he’d end up being holed up here for days, when the mere thought of going out made him break out in cold sweat & gave him an urge to vomit. He’d still have to sneak outside every once in a while, to fetch some food from the kitchens – and, if he was unlucky, end up getting caught by Karl, or Torrhen, or both.

Torrhen. The name was like pinching yourself on the arm to stay focused. He had to remain alert, for as long as he wasn’t out of the bastard’s reach – the humiliation of having the man just grab him by the scruff & frog-march him out of Highpoint’s gates wasn’t something Gryff would be able to handle at the moment. The thought floated in his skull, that became heavier by the minute, as if something hot & thick, like melted iron, was being poured into it. His neck grew achy from having to hold it high & was giving in, until his chin would hit the chest & cause him to jerk, half-awake, but only for a second.

Vision blurred, his only eye narrowing further & further, until the only thing he could even make out were the orange flames – and even those, just as another blurred, moving spot. Bloody fire, he was realizing it now – should never have started it in the first place… The warmth was too lulling, as well as the sound. Soft, rhythmic cracks, with practically intangible sough of flames poured over those. They were almost like some weird speech in an unknown tongue, with calming intonation, soothing melody to it. He could swear, he even recognized bits from that tone – like he’s heard those before, just in another manner. Instead of being yelled, over howling wind & clashing, someone whispered them to him kindly.

Room floated before his eye one last time, before it slid shut. Last thing Gryff perceived before slipping into oblivion was a sensation of unseen eyes locked on him, of another’s presence somewhere by his side – but those got lost the moment he drifted off to sleep.

… Awakening was even faster than falling asleep – he just felt himself sliding to the side, on the floor, and that jolted him back to consciousness. Blinking rapidly, first thing Gryff looked at the fireplace – coals were still red & small tongues of fire would flicker here & there. That meant he had not been out for long – but he would be, if he allowed himself to repeat that mistake.

Memory of the sensation he got before dozing off nagged him slightly from the inside, but he pushed it away, getting back on his feet, helping himself by grabbing the edge of a headboard. He was unsteady still, but the quick sleep seemed to have given him a bit of short-lived strength. It wouldn’t last, likely, so he had to catch the moment & finish some business – probably the most important thing left for him to do here.

He had not been given a typical crow’s cloak yet – just a set of black armor, that, in all honesty, was better than the one he arrived here wearing. The latter has not aged well at all & has not been repaired or even cleaned much since the siege. The new one was also warmer, far more fitting for the harshness of weather this far north – it wasn’t all that bad, Gryff had to begrudgingly admit.

He & the rest of the recruits – about a dozen & a half of them in total, from what it looked like – flocked in the courtyard, waiting for the master-at-arms to signal the beginning of the training. Man in question – ser Raffard, from what Gryff recalled – did not seem to be in any rush, comfortably seated on a barrel near the rack, that held training swords & polishing his own, barely paying a small crowd in front of him any mind. He looked like a real crow – black-haired, dark-eyed & sharp-featured, he fitted the environment around himself perfectly.

Only when small talk among the soon-to-be crows died down to almost complete silence, the man looked up at them & got up from his place.

“Those of you, who have never trained here before – two steps forward.” The Whitehill made another mental note of the other’s voice – a voice & tone of a man, used to giving orders. “The rest of you, two steps behind.” Aside from Gryff, four men came forward – some balding elder, who stood leaning on a long wooden staff, tall & broad-shouldered lad with a dreadfully serious expression & a face of a lowborn, boy that looked like he wasn’t above thirteen, & a barrel-shaped individual, who stared in front of himself phlegmatically. Watchman observed his working material with an unreadable expression, but Gryff highly doubted, that what he saw left him satisfied.

“The Watch lacks men desperately, so even those of you, who’ll end up as builders & stewards” last words were spoken with some special scorn “are going to have to learn which end of the sword to hold & how to fire a bow. That means you will all be spending time with me, no matter how hopeless your case is. There are, however, some exceptions even to that rule.” Raffard’s gaze stopped on the old man. “Did whoever send you here lack any kind of mercy? All would be better off if he just snapped your neck for whatever horrendous crime you’ve committed. If you can’t even walk on your own, what makes you think you’ll be anything but a burden with a sword?”

“This thing” the elder lifted his staff slightly, “is more of a sentiment to me, than a walking aid.” Gryff cocked an eyebrow, feeling a slight twitch of curiosity – the other recruit, with his scrawny frame & dirty greying long hair on the sides of his head, could look like a lowborn, but certainly did not speak like one. “Put me to a test, my lord,” old man did not seem offended, quite the opposite – his lips tucked into a disarmingly friendly smile. “Perhaps I will not disappoint you.”

“We’ll see about that. Drop your item of sentiment & grab yourself a sword then.” Master-at-arms motioned towards the rack.

“If I could be so bold” there was something smarmy, intentionally non-threatening in the old man’s voice that made Gryff shift uncomfortably for some reason. “I’d rather stick to my own weapon, my lord.” Gryff recalled being told in the passing by someone, that staffs were used as weapons by some of the mountain clansmen – perhaps that was where the stranger originated from. “It does not look like much, but there are many uses to it.”

“I suppose, you could be so bold.” Ser Raffard’s cold, emotionless stare gave out nothing. “I suppose, I could be bold enough to break your stick against my knee & send you to scrub chamberpots till the rest of your time here, if you don’t stop wasting my time & start following orders.” The message clearly got through – shaking his head a little, with the same smile, recruit lowered the staff on the ground carefully & went to fetch himself a blade.

“A real charmer, is he not?” Gryff turned to the sound of a voice, discovering, that it was one of the other newcomers speaking. He didn’t seem to address anyone in particular, but seeing that Gryff has reacted to his words, graced him with an amused smile.

“I’m talking about Raffard.” Recruit continued in a low voice. “If you think he’s being an arsehole now, you should’ve heard the stories they tell about him here. They also say the man who dealt with newcomers before was even worse – till he went to hunt down some deserters & perished north of the Wall… Think we’ll get just as lucky with this one?” He chuckled & winked to Gryff, before turning his attention back to the fighters.

Unsure of what the other meant to accomplish by telling him this, the Whitehill just shrugged & turned back to look in the same direction. Old man was holding his own decently enough, to his surprise. His movements could be defter & he clearly couldn’t strike as hard as a younger man would, but by moving constantly he dodged & parried most of the hits, even though he made no attempt to go on the offensive himself. This went on for a couple of minutes, before the elder was careless enough to leave himself open & his opponent’s sword struck right in his kneecap, causing him to drop on the other one with a gasp. Raffard used the moment to aim for the wrist of his sword hand, knocking the blade out of it.

“At least you wouldn’t be dead in the first minute of battle – for someone like you, that’s encouraging.” After letting his opponent have a breath, master-at-arms grabbed his hand & helped the man back up to his feet. “We’ll see what can be done about you. Perhaps, with some training, you will actually do the Realm a service by killing a wildling.” The last words almost made Gryff laugh. Apparently, even the crows still believed it were wildlings that they all needed to fear – while he, a bloody newcomer, already knew better than that.

The trial carried on, the young boy & the sulky lowborn demonstrating their skill one after another. Kid fought fiercely, uttering almost animalistic growls as he’d jump back up on his feet over & over after being knocked down & charged forward. The lowborn, whose name turned out to be Ayden, fared even worse, making it clear to everyone, that he’s hardly had any sword practice before – at least not with a knight as his opponent. Ser Raffard’s expression hardly changed once throughout the short fights, but it seemed like he wasn’t too aggravated & his mocking remarks sounded rather passionless.

“You’re a lordling, is that right?” He inquired as Gryff was picking himself a blade, trying not to linger by the rack any longer than needed. Standing here, in the spotlight, grated on his nerves & he could not wait to get this over with. Last time he had used a sword seemed like it was months ago – but the memory of how it ended stuck with him for good.

He jerked a shoulder & nodded. “And a fourth son, that is.” His opponent added in passing. “Not that I’m expecting excellence from someone, who’s disposable enough to be sent here, but a lord’s son should’ve at least received better training than this lot.” As Gryff turned to face him, flash of irritation in his eye, the man had his own sword at the ready. “Come at me.”

The fuck was he getting at, the Whitehill wondered idly, circling the patch of ground between him & the man. With the rest of recruits, he always took initiative in his own hands, as opposed to now – it seemed like he was expecting Gryff to take charge. His train of thought was interrupted as the watcher swung his blade at him, swiftly changing the direction of the hit at the last moment & barging through his hastily established block. Sword was knocked from his hand & Raffard simply sent him to the ground with a heavy thrust of his shoulder into Gryff’s chest.

For a few seconds, he just stared back at him, stunned. This has been swifter than any of the fights he has just witnessed – even though in the back of his mind Gryff knew, that he’d be subdued either way. All that needed to be proven about him as a fighter has been proven before. He could hear a couple short laughs from the crowd & a sympathetic sigh, that, as he correctly guessed, came from the guy who’s been talking to him before. Getting back on his feet, Gryff simply shut those out of his mind. He did not care about what they would have to say, he really fucking didn’t-

“Sleeping with your eyes open, Whitehill? Or, should I say, your eye.” Raffard looked almost bored by this point. “Did you not hear what I told you? The part about attacking me.”

“I was thinking.” At last, he was forced to speak, picking his blade up from the dirt.

“I hope me chopping your sword hand off and slitting your throat did not interrupt the thought process, your lordship.” The man already took another stance. “Your blind side is the most vulnerable, keep that in mind. And get your head out of the clouds, recruit. I can accept it when someone simply sucks, but not when he isn’t fucking trying.” With the same idleness in his gaze, Gryff followed another’s movements, at this point not even bothered by what would happen next. There was that slimy feeling inside of him, that made even trying seem completely worthless. Strike, their blades clashed, again, and the next second his traced an arc in the air & landed back on the ground, while his opponent’s was directed right at Gryff’s throat.

It took some effort to force himself to look the man in the eyes – and their coldness made him flinch. Raffard had been distant & snarky throughout the whole training session, but this was different – and almost frightening. That piercing gaze, that felt like it was directed into his very soul, reminded Gryff too much of another pair of eyes – one, that he believed he would never have to see again.

Unable to bear it, he bit in his lip & looked away.

“What is the matter, Whitehill?” Raffard’s voice was not angry, or irritated – it was plainly empty.

“What?!” Gryff attempted to bite back with what little anger he felt. “If I suck, just bloody say so. You didn’t ask the rest of them what was wro-”

“You are not the rest of them. You are not a lowborn, who’s never held a weapon deadlier than a meat axe.” The watcher would not take the sword away from his neck. “I’ve been told about you, Whitehill, about who you were and what you got sent here for. So don’t expect me to buy it, that you’ve fought under Roose Bolton and then led your own men, but now somehow can’t parry the simplest strike.”

Who the hell told him, flashed through Gryff’s mind – was it that Astor Greyson son of a whore?! And the fucker even seemed like a decent man to him at the beginning… Silently fuming & with no idea of how to respond, he stood, eye lowered to the ground, flashing angry looks to the watcher each few seconds.

Realizing, that he would not get another word from him, Raffard finally lowered his blade.

“I don’t know what the deal is with you, Whitehill,” he spoke quietly, calmly & distinctly. “Whether you pretend to be worse than you are because you want to be assigned a safer position, don’t deem me worthy of your effort… I honestly don’t care. What I know, is that under me you will work to your fullest potential willingly – or be forced to, if that’s what I have to do. Pick you sword, recruit.” He stepped back, moving his body into a steady fighting stance. “This is just the beginning.”

It was never warm this far down, under Highpoint. Not a candle or torch in your arm, no amount of layers of clothing you'd wrap yourself in would make significant difference. The moment you descended down the steep stony stairs & take a breath of air, still & cold, it would settle at the bottom of your lungs & remain there until you had a chance to re-emerge & sit by a fireplace, or have rare northern sun touch your skin.  He had spent quite some time in this place back in his day, in the cellars, crypts & half-abandoned & ruined tunnels, and not always willingly. From his brothers' perspective, shoving him down the stairs & then locking the door behind him, so that he would remain in complete darkness, was a fun thing to do. The realization, that barging through the door was not in his power came to him quickly — shortly after realizing, that begging them to let him out was in vain just as well (it was early, very early when he realized, that begging them to leave him be would always be in vain, & would not even try – until a particularly harsh beating would force a plea out of him).  At first, he'd just sit with his back pressed to the door, staring in the darkness of the corridor in front of him, too terrified to blink or make a sound — even his short breaths seemed to echo against the cold walls in a hollow sound, that made his blood curl. It always felt like something— someone was lurking there, watching him, ready to strike if he'd fail to see the attack coming. Soon enough, the obscure figures, born in his imagination, formed into an only one, that felt so real, Gryff could swear he could make out it’s shape in the darkness sometimes. A pale female silhouette, whose face he could not make out, that moved slowly & deliberately, almost clumsily — due to having to support her grotesquely protruding middle with a pair of thin hands... Hands, that she, undoubtedly, wanted to grasp his neck with till he wouldn't be able to breathe — if she ever managed to catch him.  Blackness where the light of his candle did not reach still did not fail to fill him with unease, but now Gryff merely clenched his teeth & walked faster towards the crypt — something, that, in his childhood, took many hours of bracing himself to accomplish. Step by step, he'd move further down the corridor that it now took him half a minute to pass. His past self then journeyed further — in the cellars, in the old tunnels, where every noise made his chest clench painfully from terror, as he forced himself to continue walking no matter. That day though, he needed not go further — his destination has been reached.  It was stunning that he was only doing this now — visiting his father's last resting place for both the first & the last time. He did not have the courage to come following the siege, Gryff could at least admit that when nobody could hear. Just one more reason for self-loathing. Even now, he was hesitant to approach the tomb — stupid childish memories affecting him far too much. That's where the tapestry lady was laid, of course they'd make sure her & his father would be by each one's side in afterlife. It was her domain, her lair. He was long past believing any actual harm could harm from her, anywhere aside from his nightmares, but it didn't make visiting the place feel any better. He could not fight off the feeling of being watched from behind. This place never became any better to him — he just learned how to cope with being here when it was unavoidable.  The candle was placed carefully on the floor, in a way that'd make it light up the cell in the crypt's wall where he made out the silhouette of the tomb. Gryff meanwhile lowered himself to sit on the floor, facing it — the place wasn't really meant for sitting, but standing still for longer than a minute made him dizzy. Complete silence fell, making him hear his own blood pounding distinctly. It was fitting the situation, the cold, the quiet, the peace — except for how horribly wrong it was for Ludd Whitehill, a man, who was anything but those things, to end up this way, in his son's eyes. If he had not witnessed the disemboweled body with his own eye, he would hardly believe his father was buried a few steps from him. Nothing about it felt right. Nothing here reminded Gryff of him in any way.  He forced his mouth open, thinking of something, anything to say — and closed it after a moment or two. It was too damn quiet here — the sound of his hoarse, weak voice would not belong. Gryff himself felt out of place, despite trying to force the thought out of his head — This is your right, you idiot. Your duty. Nobody cares what bloody Torrhen has to say. He does not matter. Your father is the only one that does, so speak, while you still have a chance, or— "I..." He forced through the lump in his throat, and just as expected, it felt horribly unnatural and wrong. Deadly quietness made it feel like his voice could be heard everywhere, even if Gryff knew, that stony walls wouldn't let the sound go further. The knowledge did not help. Feeling like he was being listened to from the dark made talking almost an impossibility.  "I'm b-back." After clearing his throat, the Whitehill lowered his voice to almost whispering, and that was better, just a bit. "From Ironrath. It was— I— " He already had nothing to say. Nothing to report, but his failure. Facing Torrhen, he could pretend not to care, to make indifference into his armor, but now sickening shame washed over him like hot waves. Ludd wasn't even there anymore, not really, yet he understood perfectly what he would have to say. How he would look at him. The mere thought made him wish he had broken his damn neck in the fall, like the horse did.  "I'm sorry." And that was true. The only reason to hold onto the forsaken keep — aside from having nowhere else in the whole world to go — was honoring his father's wish. Spiting the people, that killed him. At least he could hope, that all of them were already dead — slaughtered by their own army turned uncontrollable. This way there would be at least some justice left in this world. Just enough to believe it even still existed.  "There was nothing I could do." A stupid, weak, pathetic lie. He sort of leaned forward, hands clenching his arms just above the elbows, desperate to keep warm. The truth was that he ran — ran when the realization hit him, that he was a step from getting killed to protect a place he loathed & would rather see burned to the ground. Getting killed & not having a single soul to mourn him, or even care enough to bury what would remain of him. Now, you are alive — see how much better that feels?.. Gryff wasn't sure whether those words, ringing in his ears, were his, or if his father had found some way to get them through to him from wherever he was now.

The one thing lord Whitehill would never stand for was weakness.  Part of Gryff wanted to believe father would've understood — like he did when his last son was dragged before him, covered in blood from his mutilated eye & barely standing, so Grag had to literally hold him up. Whatever words Ludd had prepared for him seemed to escape him at the sight of Gryff in that state. He barely even recalled what he was saying, overcome with nauseating pain & dizziness — furiously growling something about fetching a bloody maester right fucking now. The next time he had a chance to approach father, the latter did not speak a word of what had happened — his first gesture was offering him the eyepatch Gryff would wear for the next months, all without saying a word. It was only then, when the disgusting, lousy feeling of weakness he's been carrying inside ever since getting maimed by Rodrik, suddenly eased up.  But now Ludd wasn't there to ease his worry the same way anymore. All Gryff had were his own thoughts, and those were merciless. It was different now. Rodrik had only managed to defeat him by deceit, with the help of his whore & her archers. This time, he had lost in a fair fight. This was it for him — as a lord, as a warrior, as a man. What Torrhen's soldiers would escort to the Wall was nothing but a sack of meat & bones. Was Ludd still alive, even he wouldn't be able to argue or defend him like he always did. Just one more way in which he had failed him. He had always cared more for him than for Torrhen, Gryff recalled, his throat clenching treacherously, always trusted him more — and he had repaid him by submitting to the thirdborn's rule, by accepting his power, instead of keeping fighting for what his father stood for.  As if he couldn't get any more pathetic.

“You know I don’t’ want to.” Gryff himself was shocked by how whiny that sounded. He couldn’t just break down here, he had to be a man for one last time, to say farewell with at least a shred of dignity – and instead he spoke like a hurt child, a feeling from many years ago, as real as ever. “You know he is forcing me to, that I would never- never leave if I could. I wouldn’t, I just- I just can’t…” His voice trembled, eyes burned, but he knew, that tears would not fall – it’s been so long since he cried, he barely even remembered how that was supposed to be done anymore.

“You would never send me away. Right?..” What kind of bloody response was he expecting? “A Whitehill is still a Whitehill. It doesn’t matter what his-s, his orders are – he can’t… He fucking can’t…” The shaking was getting out of his control, it was like a hand tightened around his throat, making it hard to breathe. “A Whitehill’s a Whitehill. He can’t change it. He is nothing. You always knew he was fucking nothing – only you, and nobody else.” Or did it just seem to him? No, no, the thought was too fucking bad to even contemplate. His father bloody hated Torrhen, and that was the only comfort Gryff has had for many days. He sent him away to rot at the Bastion. He didn’t even trust him enough to meet without the presence of his guards. He hit him. He fucking punished him for the shit he was doing, the only one who ever did, Torrhen still had a scar on his face from those beatings, because Ludd saw through him, saw what a piece of scum he was, because he fucking hated him, like that coward deserved-

“I fucked up.” Gryff’s voice evened. “I… fucked up so badly, you couldn’t even imagine.” It was so… so pathetic of him, to sit by the tomb of the only person who ever believed he was worth something, & whine about his sorrows, even though he knew well enough nobody listened. “I don’t know how I can ever make it any better.” Some part of him was glad his father wasn’t there to hear this anymore – he couldn’t bear the thought of Ludd starting to despise him for it. Another, bigger part, simply cursed the day lord Whitehill had been killed, knowing fully well it was supposed to be him instead. It was always supposed to be him going down to defend him – doing something worthy with his life & spitting in Torrhen’s face by depriving him of a chance to be lord. Now all went wrong, his father dead, him, regrettably, not, and Torrhen winning the day.

This would never have happened if only he fulfilled his duty.

He didn’t know what to say anymore, or what to do. When he was heading here, he had some good, right things in mind, but now half of those were forgotten & half seemed too stupid to voice. A simple “I love you” – something he never had it in himself to say when Ludd was alive, now seemed even more dumb & embarrassing. The need to get going pressed down on him, but he was scared of doing that at the same time. This was his last chance, but Gryff couldn’t even force himself to speak. Deep inside, this just added as one more reason to hate Torrhen, for turning this moment for him into such a mess. Of course though, this was still his failure, first & foremost – failing his parent in life & death all the same.

He couldn’t handle this any longer.

Swiftly & out of nowhere, he stood up, causing his head to spin. His eye burned like a hot coal, but remained dry as ever, and Gryff looked around, shaky movements akin to those of a hunted down animal. Out, get out of this place. You had your chance. It was almost like he somehow became a child again, frightened by the darkness. Black corners & cells of the crypt hid something sinister. It wanted him out. This place did not want to tolerate him any longer. He was ready to run back, to leave the candle & just turn & run, until he’d see light again – but he could not take the gaze away from the stone late lord Whitehill rested under.

For one last time. Be strong. Be a man.

Shakily, Gryff reached with his hand until it rested on the tomb’s cold surface. The unknown behind his back set a tickling, panicky sensation in his stomach, but he would not take the hand away – not if the woman from the tapestry were to lay her thin, pale hand on his shoulder right in this moment. Touching it brought no peace, no warmth, no sense of connection or presence of his father’s spirit or whatever the hell was supposed to be here – but just knowing, that he spoke to someone, who maybe did not listen – but would’ve, if he was there, was enough. He searched his mind for something to say, something that he would’ve wished for somebody else to tell him if he was dead, or dying, and out of all possible things, one stood out for Gryff:

“I won’t forget you.” He forced the words to be confident, clear, not caring if someone was to hear them or not. He was saying it, and he meant it, and if there was any way for a dead man to hear what the living had to tell him – he would hear Gryff now. “I’ll never, never fucking forget you… And I won’t let anybody else forget.”

When he walked back, through the corridor & up the stairs, the feeling of being watched never let go for a second, but he walked slowly still, with every deliberately long stop giving the thing in the darkness another chance to get him, if so it pleased. Nothing happened, of course, not a weird sound, or movement, or a mysterious blast of wind to blow his candle out – he was no fucking child anymore, and he should’ve known better. What he felt down in the crypt was nothing but a moment of weakness, foolery of his sickly brain. Real monsters had no need to hide, in cellars, under beds, in the woods, or wherever – they had all the needed power to do what they pleased in broad daylight & stand by their deeds proudly, with their heads held high.

Only at the last stair did he finally look back. The candle had burned out, leaving him with a mere thread of grey smoke, but his eye had gotten used to the lack of light by this point. If Gryff closed it, he would be able to imagine the silhouette of the tapestry’s lady, like the little boy used to do – but not the man. He looked in the dark with his own impaired gaze, and saw nothing – just as he was supposed to. He’d meet her again – in feverish dreams, in nightmares, or when he simply wouldn’t be able to keep his eye open any longer & would clutch it shut in fear – but never in reality. Never. For all that has happened, for all that was eating away at him from the inside, there was one thing he still had not been robbed off –

He still lived, still breathed, & walked, & spoke, and what mattered wasn’t that it brought him no joy anymore – it was that she didn’t. No matter what, he would live to see the light again, while she’d remain down here, in the dark, where she belonged.

As he shut the door behind him tightly, that thought, for the first time today, warmed up some tiny part of his soul.

[alluratron]

Voltron seasons 3 and 4 review

I rewatched the two seasons in one go so as to see how much I’d like it as one single season as it was originally meant to be and I did actually prefer it that way. So I’ll talk about the good aka what I liked and enjoyed, then about what I was kinda “meh” towards, before talking about what I disliked.

The good:

Allura. I love seeing Allura in the thick of things, hence my love of episodes like “Collection and Extraction”, and the confrontation with Haggar and the druids in “Blackout”. I was rather disappointed in s2 by how much of Allura’s screentime was to do with opening wormholes or sitting around waiting (although I did prefer that to her supposedly being ~racist~ -.-) so to see her always involved in the action this season was very satisfying for me.

Her pink paladin armour is glorious and watching her wield her whip bayard is magnificent. So many Wonder Woman comparisons made valid and I love it.

By “Code of Honor” she’s back in a co-leadership position with Shiro, where Shiro seems more of the battle strategy leader and Allura more of the coalition diplomacy leader.

HER MAGIC LITERALLY LIFTING VOLTRON UP!!!! They were actually going to be crushed by gravitational pressure but Allura saved them all on her own and that’s amazing. She’s explicitly untrained and yet she has so much raw power. I truly believe she’s some sort of Chosen One or something.

Lance’s insecurities not just brushed under the carpet after Shiro’s sharpshooter comment in season 2. It definitely seems like he’s going to have the longest running arc. We saw him attempt to use the black lion to ~cure~ his insecurities with the whole “this is your moment” thing.

We also learn that he worries that not only is he the least useful member of the team, he doesn’t even deserve to be on the team at all. As the viewer we know this isn’t true and this is especially highlighted this season, with Lance fighting at the forefront a lot more.

Evolution of Lance and Keith’s dynamic. I think it’s super interesting how Lance stepped up when Shiro was gone, consoling Keith and supporting him when Keith felt most alone, but seemingly steps away from that role when Shiro returned.

Lance was never afraid to call Keith out and somehow is able to get through to him and that made him the perfect balance to Keith.

The relationship didn’t just skip to BFFs though, because even though Lance is good at supporting Keith, Keith sucks at it and as such there’s still problems to address for them to grow.

Evolution of Lance and Allura’s relationship. Lance didn’t flirt ONCE with her!!!! In 13 episodes!!!!! Their relationship is so much more profound now. I made a post about this, but I love the contrast between “Red Paladin” where Allura motivates and encourages Lance to believe in himself and says why the red lion has chosen him, and then in “A New Defender” Lance motivates and encourages Allura to believe in herself and her abilities and says the blue lion chose her for a reason. I love mutually supportive friendships. Also, Lance checks in to see how Allura is doing in Blue. He also genuinely compliments her for taking out a bunch of sentries.

Shiro back in the black lion. I still have my doubts as to whether this is the same Shiro from seasons 1 and 2, but either way I’m glad to see his face in the lion. The more paladin armor in the matching lion the better imo.

More emphasis on how badass Hunk is. His piloting skills have come so far since season 1. He also elbow dropped someone in the face like daaaaammmmmnnnnnn son.

More emphasis on how loyal Hunk is. He wanted to form the head with the yellow lion 😭😭😭. He loves his lion and I love him. He also is very loyal to his friends. He split off and went back for Allura when she fell behind.

More emphasis on how smart Hunk is. In season 2 there was a tendency to downplay his intelligence (and everyone else’s) to make Pidge seem smarter. This season, however, Hunk was very much involved in the nerd talk, with him and Pidge (and Matt when he joined) bouncing ideas off each other.

Speaking of, Matt. I really didn’t want that storyline dragging out any longer so I’m glad Pidge found him finally. They have a lovely dynamic and he’s so sweet and supportive of her. I know some people are saying his personality is basically the same as Lance but I don’t see that. Sure, he flirts with Allura but if you think flirting is Lance’s most defining trait then uhhhhh. Well. Also Lance doesn’t really do puns. Also also Lance isn’t a nerd.

I saw spoilers so I knew Matt wasn’t dead but they still had me thinking Matt was really dead???? Had me tryna rationalise future Matt scenes like maybe that Matt is from an alternate reality. Really well done episode. I didn’t cry but I only cry for Allura so eh.

GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!! It was so pure and cute and Keith looked so happy. I wonder if he’s been in a group hug before. Pidge crying that they’d miss Keith when she was the first one who ever tried to leave the team shows how close they’ve grown since season 1.

I know this a kids show and they aren’t going to kill any of the main cast but damn if Keith didn’t get me. I was in SHOCK, wondering if maybe Steven Yeun didn’t want to be part of the show anymore lmao. Props to them for actually making that really convincing.

The generals turning on Lotor “for Narti”. We see that they really are friends with each other. Ezor looked very upset after Narti’s death. Zethrid looked upset too. These girls care for each other.

The “meh”:

“The Legend Begins”. I’m really glad it happened because it was about time we got some backstory. I did enjoy certain aspects of it (Alfor’s “oh dear” and Zarkon’s “i must go” are big winners to me) and I especially enjoyed red paladin Alfor confirmation (because I’m petty and I hated how people acted as if it was canon confirmed that he was yellow). 

But some aspects fell flat for me. I would’ve liked more female paladins, or for the one female paladin to not be in the same lion as the girl on our original team (bc really they could stand to mix things up once in a while). I would’ve loved Blaytz to be female and a lesbian, flirting with a female galra servant. 

The queen of Altea’s design and role was a big disappointment. It was extremely lazy to just give her all of Allura’s features just with a different dress. She also doesn’t speak a word nor have a name. What happened to her? Who knows. Maybe we’ll find out in future episodes but I’m sceptical. 

I’m not keen on how Alfor made a joke out of it when Zarkon was reinforcing class separation. It makes me wonder if that was present on all the planets, just not as enforced. I do like that Zarkon was already classist and power hungry before he died in the rift. It made it feel less like they were trying to excuse his tyranny and more like they were saying “he was a dick but quintessence exacerbated his dickiness”.

I love Honerva’s character, but I don’t like how she had a small, pointy nose before and once she turns evil she gets a hooked nose.

“The Voltron Show”. I know it’s supposed to be meta and make fun of itself/the fandom à la “Ember Island Players” but it just fell a bit flat for me. There were some really funny bits, like Coran sayin Shiro is the most popular character and telling him to put on a tight shirt, and I still don’t know whether I love or hate Pidge complaining about saying fake made-up science words.

But the “Humorous Hunk” thing was really not funny. Not because “oh boo more fat jokes, this time about farting” but because the episode was supposed to be this self-aware thing, parodying the show itself and the fandom and thus going over the top with everything. But them parodying using their fat character as comic relief doesn’t sit right when they continue to do just that outside of the parody. There’s a video called The Adorkable Misogyny of The Big Bang Theory and it talks about ironic lampshading (from around 13:04 if anyone’s interested). That’s what sits wrong with me about Humorous Hunk. They parody the fat comic relief character as a way to show that they’re aware that it’s an unsavory trope, yet continue to use it. I put this in the “meh” because I don’t actually know if they’ll continue to use it. Maybe they’ve finally heard the fans and will stop with the fat jokes. We’ll see next season.

Keith missing from 3 episodes. Don’t get me wrong I’m not upset about that at all, considering there was plenty of him in the first 8 episodes. But I was curious as to what this weeks-maybe-months-long mission would entail. I wouldn’t have minded, like, a minute long segment for Keith in those episodes showing us what exactly he’s up to. Even better would’ve been to show us him missing the team. They could’ve had a short scene of him watching the voltron show and smiling wistfully before he gets called away to the mission. Something like that would’ve had more people emotionally aligned with him.

The Bad:

“Hole in the Sky”. This whole episode a nightmare. Evil Alteans? Really? Is your writing that bad that you’re incapable of showing nuance without going down that route? Allura is apparently too clueless and idealised in her view of Alteans to understand what is going on by the time Keith yells “you’re taking away their will!” Keith has to be some sort of moral compass to her.

Allura saying “you’re no Altean” as if Alteans can’t be morally corrupt. As if she didn’t meet Haggar just last season finale. I know they wanted to make it hard for Allura by presenting her with the option of an idealised society, but they don’t have to make her stupid for that. I’ve come to the conclusion that any and all storylines involving race on vld are going to be badly handled and should thus be scrapped. I’ve had enough.

Lion ranking. The emphasis on Black as leader and Red as second in command feels like it’s devaluing the whole theme of voltron as 5 essential components by assigning greater worth to certain lions. Keith moving to Black and Lance moving to Red were portrayed as upgrades or promotions. Also, does this mean Lance is now Shiro’s second in command? Wasn’t discussed at all.

Allura in the Blue Lion. When Shiro was away, Allura should’ve been in the Black Lion. That’s the only rank that was established right from the beginning as leader and Allura is a great leader. She’s described in the show as the decision maker, and the black paladin is the decisive head of voltron. It’s clear she best fits the role. It also isn’t fair to have her taking orders from people she used to outrank. To rank her below Keith is bad enough, but with the second in command stuff as well, Allura ends up ranked below Keith and Lance. Depowering your WoC is not a good look.

When Shiro comes back though, the second in command thing seems to fly out the window and Allura is back to giving orders despite being in Blue so I guess they’re just inconsistent lmao.

The black lion refusing to let Shiro fly it for a grand total of 2 episodes. Seriously, that lasted 40 minutes. And 22 of those minutes we were learning the backstory. What was the point of that?

Lotor killing Narti. Hoooo boy I’m really mad about this one. It was completely unnecessary. The only reason it happened was for shock value. Lotor realised Haggar was watching him through Narti so he killed her. That makes no sense though, because Narti doesn’t fucking have eyes! She sees through Kova! So if anything, Haggar was seeing indirectly through Kova and Lotor could’ve killed the cat instead! Why he has to kill anyone anyway is a mystery to me. He could’ve knocked her out and left her and Kova there while he and the other generals leave with the ships. How is Haggar going to watch him through Narti if he isn’t even with Narti?

The whole scene was just really unpleasant. Killing off a disabled character never sits right. And there was so much more to her character that could’ve been explored. How did she come to meet Kova? Why did she join Lotor? And mind control! She could’ve used that on characters fighting in or with team voltron! Some quality angst material right there! But nope, she’s dead.

Possible redemption for Lotor. Soz pals, unnecessarily killing your comrade puts you in my shit books. 

I don’t actually think he’s going to be redeemed - I think he’s just going to use team voltron while they benefit him and then turn on them as soon as they don’t - but I’m mad at the writers for making me have to sit through endless posts of fandom woobifying his punk ass. “Space Zuko!” they cry. I gaze weakly towards a hypothetical camera as though I am a character on renounced TV show, The Office. “Why.” the word is barely a whisper as it leaves my mouth. I am Tired.

[allegiancewillcarryus]

YOI Appreciation Week

This will probably be a very long list as I have so much to say about so many of you; Yuri on Ice has changed my life and brought me to meet so many talented and wonderful people that it would probably be impossible for me to list out every positive thing about everyone, but I’m going to do my best

@matsu-hana - the one who pushed me to watch YOI in the first place, I wouldn’t be here in the fandom without them and probably wouldn’t have written half the fics I have without their encouragement and feedback. P much my go-to for screaming about hcs, rping weird ships and scenarios and just generally putting up with my Shit(tm). Also an amazingly talented and inspiring artist

@chaifootsteps - One of the best authors ever and my first ever mutual on this hellsite. They are just #goals all around. Kudos to them for also dealing with my Shit(tm) and being a wise and helpful role model. Also for reacting pretty well when I force my terrible art and ideas upon them, all things considered. A good soul 10/10

@spoonsyyo - A GOOD FREN AND TOLERATES MY SCREAMING AS WELL AS MY ABSENCES. One of the Best artists and an instigator for many of my shitty schemes involving everything from AUs nobody asked for to crappy art to writing ideas

@inpeacemayyouleavetheshore - Probably the person I’ve known the longest here. Best friend. A talented painter and the nicest person to ever exist. Didn’t leave me when I dragged her down into the pits of anime hell with me and probably should have

@violetflowersandflames - a constant positive presence on my dash in all kinds of different fandoms. A gifted writer. Tons of potential. Doesn’t mind when I scream about bnha and then switch to yoi out of the blue. 12/5 stars a great person

@bathands - Holy fucc. Wtf. Where do I even start. OLD. FURRY. LIVES TOO FAR AWAY. All kidding aside Lukas is such a talented writer and has such a kind heart. Lets me indulge in my gross half-closeted furry shenanigans. Lukas pls never change

@meimagino - Arm goals. Hair goals. People goals. Likes to sin. Not-so-closeted furry. Could easily talk to all day if not for the fact I am still intimidated and trying to impress

@blameotayuri - the best mom to ever mom. Strong as hell. Writes some of the best headcanons in the history of forever. I would die for her. Truly deserves the world

@trans-boy-yuri - THE BEST EDITS seriously how does one get so talented did you sell your soul asking for a friend,,, Also the F I C S send help. Entertains my ridiculous thoughts. Could talk to forever

@onotherflights - ANOTHER AMAZING AUTHOR dealt with my hideous fanboying without blocking me which is probably what I would’ve done. Very talented and kind 5 hearts 5 stars 10/10 all around

@otasucc - the gorgeous and intimidating but oddly nice mutual and another person who’s tolerant of my Bullshit. I would fight the entire world for Lia if she asked me to. Literally made a gross squawking sound when she followed back. 20/10

More people I would die for but whom I am still intimidated by:

@tootsonnewts @novocaine-sea @rosesnfeathers @transguyyuri @puppybek @pendragonstar @yuuri--on--ice @crescendotayuri @icetiiger @otabaeee @tenaciouscorpse @yoi-shenanigans @1pen1knife

Also a big shoutout to every rp and VA blog who will never see this because I’m too shy to tag you here I love you all <3 keep creating and bringing smiles to faces and thank you for dealing with all that is Me and I’m sorry this took so damn long