#I wrote this instead of doing my grad school work

[darkskywishes]

Levi and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

TW: mentions of rape and childhood sexual abuse

Throughout the course of Attack on Titan, and even before the canon timeline, Levi experiences innumerable traumas, not the least of which are repeatedly experiencing the deaths of his closest friends and comrades. By the end of the series, Levi has lost every single person he had been close to, being the last of the Survey Corps' veterans. Given the truly immense amount of traumatic events Levi suffers, it'd be difficult to believe that he wouldn't have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and indeed, he does display several key features of the disorder.

Paraphrased, the DSM-5-TR PTSD criteria are as follows (American Psychiatric Association, 2022, p. 301):

Criterion A: stressor (one required)

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):

Direct exposure

Witnessing the trauma

Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma

Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms (one required)

The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):

Unwanted upsetting memories

Nightmares

Flashbacks

Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders

Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders

Criterion C: avoidance (one required)

Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Trauma-related thoughts or feelings

Trauma-related external reminders

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood (two required)

Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Inability to recall key features of the trauma

Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world

Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma

Negative affect

Decreased interest in activities

Feeling isolated

Difficulty experiencing positive affect

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity (two required)

Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Irritability or aggression

Risky or self-destructive behavior

Hypervigilance

Heightened startle reaction

Difficulty concentrating

Difficulty sleeping

Criterion F: duration (required)

Symptoms last for more than 1 month.

Criterion G: functional significance (required)

Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).

Criterion H: exclusion (required)

Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.

--

I've indicated the symptoms that apply to Levi, or that I believe likely apply, based on canon content in purple. Let's go one by one.

Criterion A: stressor

During the canon timeline, Levi was exposed to both large amounts of death and threatened death, primarily due to titan casualties, but also due to the circumstances of poverty and deprivation in the Underground. Notable examples include witnessing his mother die and decay while he starved as a young child; Furlan and Isabel's deaths; the deaths of Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld during the Female Titan arc; the loss of Kenny; Erwin and the new recruits' suicide charge against the Beast Titan; and Hange's sacrifice.

Levi experienced multiple instances of serious injury, with the most significant being his injuries resulting from the thunderspear explosion and the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Given the nature of blast injuries, it is likely Levi suffered from internal damage—in particular, rupture of the respiratory and hollow organs, such as the lungs and bowels. We're also shown he suffered complete separation of the index and middle fingers of his right hand, as well as ocular damage to his right eye. A concussion and perhaps a traumatic brain injury following the blast is also likely, as well as hearing damage. Following the Battle of Heaven and Earth, he also experienced significant injuries to one of his legs, necessitating the use of a wheelchair three years post-Rumbling.

In regard to actual or threatened sexual violence, Levi was born and lived in a brothel, in which his mom was a prostitute. It's not an exaggeration to say Levi was likely the result of rape. Given the circumstances of his upbringing, it's also likely he witnessed the sexual encounters between his mother and the brothel's patrons and was perhaps sexually abused himself when his mother was unable or unavailable to protect him. Given the Bad Boy panel previews, we also know he was directly threatened with sex trafficking on at least one occasion.

Only one stressor is required to meet this criterion, and Levi meets all of them. He very much fits the profile of someone with complex trauma or C-PTSD, although that diagnosis has not yet been added to the DSM.

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms

Canon evidence of intrusion symptoms is a bit harder to find, given the heavy plot focus of Attack on Titan; however, I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.

During the Uprising arc, Levi takes note of a starving woman with her baby on multiple occasions, who appears to remind him of his mother. This indicates to me that he thinks of his mother and the circumstances in which he grew up with her with some regularity.

When he later confronts Kenny in the same arc, he specifically questions Kenny regarding the relationship he had with his mother, again indicating that Levi's mother took up significant space in his thoughts.

While we know Kuchel chose to keep Levi (rather than abort him), thus indicating Levi was a desired baby, it's evident that Levi's upbringing overall was damaging and distressing due to the severe poverty, food insecurity, and violence he endured as a young child. Accordingly, it's safe to assume that these memories related to his mother were likely to be both unwanted and upsetting.

We also have this panel during the War for Paradis arc, during which Levi ruminates on the deaths of his comrades and the purpose behind having saved Eren's life so many times. His facial expressions are truly crushing and filled with deep despair.

In terms of nightmares, we know that Levi experiences some truly disturbing dreams from the "Smartpass Good Night, Dear and Sweet Dreams Vol. 02" short story, in which he envisions his closest comrades all morphing into a sea of blood on a red carpet. Clearly, the affect of his dream has been influenced by the specter of death constantly looming over him.

Criterion C: avoidance

The full phrasing of this symptom (trauma-related external reminders) is, "Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)." Similar to the unwanted upsetting memories symptom under Criterion B, there is not direct canon evidence, but I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.

Primarily, what sticks out to me about Levi is the fact that no one near him seems to have knowledge of his past, which indicates he does not talk about it. When his past is brought up, it's always people who have some direct knowledge about it speaking on it (e.g., Kenny or Erwin). This is shown both directly in canon, such as when Petra speaks to Eren regarding the rumors of Levi's recruitment into the Survey Corps, and in supplemental Smartpass content, like the Close Up interview with Erwin and Levi.

This comes across to me as an effort to avoid conversations, and thus, reminders and memories about the topic.

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood

There's quite a lot of evidence for these in canon.

In terms of overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world, Levi has plenty. He appears to have the persistent belief that he only exists to be of service and use to others; he views himself as a tool, one which has no value if he is not directly contributing to something. This is exemplified by the following panels:

When Erwin asks Levi if he would be willing to be in charge of keeping the titan serum and determining whom to use it on, Levi answers with, "Why would you bother asking me?" This shows that Levi has no regard for his own personal feelings.

When Erwin and Levi are discussing the plan to take down the Beast Titan during the Reclamation of Wall Maria, Levi expresses his agreement with the plan by remarking that taking down the Beast Titan will act as him "[making] amends for failing to kill that armored brat earlier." This shows that Levi viewed it as his responsibility, and thus, his failure to take down Reiner. He placed an undue burden on himself here, casting blame for outcomes that should not be solely attributed to him.

And then there's this panel in the lead-up to the final battle, in which a severely wounded Levi is being reprimanded by Armin for being reckless and not resting, in light of his injuries. Levi responds, "... You want me asleep in bed? You're going to forget I even exist if I rest any longer." Levi suffered truly disabling injuries, and yet, he shows complete disregard for himself—concerned that no one will remember him if he is not actively fighting. This shows a projection of his own lack of self-worth onto how he believes others view him: if he is not useful, then he does not matter. Levi also shows disdain at the concept of resting and having been asleep, as if that's somehow a sign of laziness on his part, which is of course, untrue. No one would have faulted him for resting—he truly needed and deserved to rest.

We also know that Levi blamed himself for Kenny leaving him, which can be surmised from interviews with Isayama and the expression on Levi's face when Kenny abandoned him. Levi also asks Kenny why Kenny left him, which shows a certain preoccupation on Levi's part, wherein he worried there must have been something inherently wrong with him to make Kenny leave.

On the topic of Kenny and Levi, Isayama is quoted as saying:

"Levi still had the experience of being separated from Kenny during his childhood. He was constantly troubled by the thought of "Kenny left because I couldn't fulfill his expectations." When the Uprising occurred within the walls, and he confronted Kenny again as an enemy, Levi sought to meet what couldn't be satisfied previously." (x)

Regarding both negative affect and difficulty experiencing positive affect, Levi's expression and mood is frequently shown as depressed. There's a great post by @cosmicjoke on the topic. In terms of the latter, Levi laughs and smiles so infrequently that it's a significant moment at the conclusion of the Uprising arc when he smiles after Historia playfully punches him.

For decreased interest in activities, the full phrasing is, "Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities." Levi's character is contrasted with all the other characters in the series in the sense that he has no dreams of his own. Both Armin and Hange have that greater curiosity about the unknowns of the world, represented by the sea and titans; Erwin is similar in that he desired to validate his dad's theories about the outside world and the existence of other humans; Eren craved freedom above all else; etc. Levi, on the other hand, is never shown as having those same dreams and ambitions. Hence, I would say he demonstrates a markedly diminished participation in significant activities, as even though his complete lack of self-interest is immensely admirable, it is also deeply tragic—particularly as dreams and ambitions are often crucial for one's psychological well-being.

And then we also have feeling isolated, for which the full phrasing is, "Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others." On the topic of Levi and relationships, Isayama is quoted as saying, "It’s likely because he is afraid of forming close relationships. Because he exists in a world where one can be eaten by a Titan at any time, he consistently avoids building 'family'-like connections with others." (x)

This manga panel is a good example of how Levi views himself as detached from others. Pay attention to the phrasing: "And I doubt normal people think about these things on a daily basis... So that means I'm abnormal... Probably because I've seen far too many abnormal things."

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity

With all of the above laid out, Criterion E becomes very easy to meet.

For irritability or aggression, this is one of Levi's known character flaws, borne as a result of his upbringing.

For risky or self-destructive behavior, we have clear instances of Levi engaging in battle to the detriment of his physical well-being.

For hypervigilance, the last manga panel I attached provides a good example of that.

For difficulty sleeping, Levi is famously an insomniac, often quoted as getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night.

Criterions F, G, and H: duration, functional significance, and exclusion

Have the duration of Levi's symptoms been greater than one month? Yes.

Do the symptoms result in distress or functional impairment? Yes.

Are the symptoms more attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition? No.

Thus, Criterions F, G, and H are met.

Citations

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Trauma- and stressor-related disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).

[junkdyke]

i feel bad and stupid because i literally woke up at 8am, in time for my class, but felt so tired i said "5 more minutes" and woke up 2 hours later missing the whole thing

on top of having to miss out on several work opportunities (that i was personally invited to!!) for Friday the 13th because I have class, I just can't wait for my school saga to be overrrrrr 😭 i'm so fucking TIIIIIRED

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddiebingo.

You're a Fucking Dickhead

12 Days of Christmas Prompt: Soulmate | Word Count: 1894 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Steve | Tags: Soulmate AU, College AU, Modern AU, Meet Cute, Or: Meet Ugly, Soulmarks, Invisible Strings, Hijinks Ensue, The Universe Had to Work Overtime on These Two

I actually got assigned the prompt "soulmates" on both of my Christmas and New Year's bingo cards. Instead of trying to double-up, I decided to just make them companion pieces. Here are the links to both:

Part 1: Steve POV | Part 2: Eddie POV | Also on AO3

They are intended so they could be read standalone, but I wrote Steve's first, so I suggest starting here if you want to read both.

Steve pushes his sleeves up, realizes, and pushes them right back down despite it being sweltering in this auditorium. As much as he prides himself on being confident in his own skin, on being exactly who he is, no apologies, this little three inch line of text scrawled on his arm is the bane of his whole existence. He hates it. 

Robin glances over at him, and gives him a raised eyebrow. Yeah, yeah. He had promised he would cut it out once they were at college, but fuck, old habits die hard. He's only a senior. Maybe he'll go to grad school and he can stop hiding his arm then. Plenty of time.

"I know," he hisses at her, and he's told himself over and over that someday he won't care. That someday he'll just let it all hang out. So what if his so called soulmate is out there somewhere waiting to meet him, only to say: You're a fucking dickhead!

Yeah, sign him up for that. Not.

No matter who it is, Steve isn't interested. He's going tell them to fuck right off. If he ever meets them. He hasn't yet, and he's not exactly frothing at the bit to do it soon.

He focuses back on the professor, and he's almost made it through undergrad. Six more weeks. He can do this.

"A frat party? Steve. No," Robin says, and Steve is just nodding.

"Steve, yes," he says, smiling wide. "We'll get some bathtub punch, maybe bum a joint. C'mon. Maybe we'll even get laid."

"Dingus, the odds of me getting laid at a frat party are negative seventy-five thousand."

"Then let me get laid. Rob, please. For me," and he gives her the eyes. They always work, and he spins around after she reluctantly nods her consent to his plan. 

"You've gotten laid plenty," she argues.

"That's patently untrue," he lies. "I'm in a dry spell."

"It's been four days."

"It gets mighty cold at night," he says, and she laughs and pushes him, but she'll go.

He might not have good soulmate prospects, but he does have the best best friend a guy could ask for, and his charm, which he's applied liberally all up and down the eastern seaboard.

So, yeah. Tonight is gonna be awesome, he just knows it.

Tonight is not awesome, Steve thinks, as he's shoved so hard he stumbles. The guy is bigger than him, but honestly just caught him off guard. Steve doesn't know what the fuck his problem is. It's a party. They're supposed to be having fun. But this? This is not fun.

All Steve did is walk by, and now he's fucking stumbling like he's drunk, which unfortunately he is not since he hasn't even had one drink yet, but his balance is already a distant memory. He catches his shin on the edge of a coffee table, and that really fucking smarts. Then, he's going down. There's no other possibility. No way to catch himself.

"Goddamn, fuck you, motherfucker!" Steve shouts, sliding over the table on his knees, tipping over cups and bottles, knocking everything in his path off to the hardwood floor with a clatter, before finally coming to a stop with a thud on top of the person sitting on the couch. That's fucking embarrassing.

"You're a fucking dickhead!" The guy under him laughs while patting Steve's back, and it sounds amused, not angry. But those words. Those are his words. Steve freezes. But not for long, because he's unceremoniously being shifted and dumped into the lap of the guy on the right. 

Big blue eyes, and a mop of curls, looking down at him, asking, "What'd you say?"

"Huh?" Steve asks, trying to right himself.

Oh. The guy — his soulmate? — wasn't talking to him. He was talking to the guy who shoved him.

"What did you say when you literally fell in Eddie's lap?" he asks.

Eddie. His soulmate's name is Eddie. Steve has no fucking clue what he said, but he's guessing that whatever it is, it's scrawled somewhere on Eddie's body and his friend here knows that. 

Steve's ignoring ol' blue eyes, and trying to turn to get another glimpse of Eddie, to see what he's doing, to see if he's gonna fight for his honor or some shit.

He's not fighting, but he does have the guy in a headlock. But they're both laughing. What the fuck is happening right now?

"What the fuck, Goods? You just laid that poor guy out, say you're sorry," Eddie is telling the dude who shoved him. Who looks far less scary with his head tucked under Eddie's armpit. He's all red-faced and curly-headed, squirming, but looking amused. 

"I'm sorry," the shover laughs out, and Steve is still trying to slide off the other guy's lap. "It was an instinct! A remnant from high school. Get bullied, push back, that's what you always said!"

His supposed soulmate knows the asshole that knocked him clean off his feet for no good reason? Well, that's just great. Very promising. He knew he was in for a bad time with the words alone, and now he's been knocked clean off his feet, and not in a good way.

"He was bullying you?" Eddie asks, face looking serious.

"I was not!" Steve says. He's never even seen this guy before. He walked by him in the crowded room, and then was shoved.

"He stepped on my foot!" 

Eddie laughs, "He stepped on your foot, so you shoved him in my lap?"

"Well, I didn't think you'd mind!"

"What's going on here?! I just went to the bathroom, there wasn't even a line!" Robin screeches. "Now Steve is sitting in Gareth's lap? How do you know Gareth? You can't sleep with Gareth!" Robin is rambling, talking with her hands, flailing and fluttering with all her might. 

How do you know Gareth? Steve thinks. 

She's all worked up. Well, she can join the club.

"I'm fine. We're fine, I think? I'm not sleeping with Gareth?" Steve says, but his voice trails upward, unsure. 

"Not a question. Absolutely not. No offense," Gareth says, and well, that's kinda rude.

"Look what you've done, now you've made his girlfriend mad," Eddie says, still not releasing the guy who caused this whole situation. 

"Ew, gross. Not my boyfriend," Robin says, way too fast. 

"She's a lesbian," Gareth says, and Steve wants to wheel on him. Gareth better not have a problem with that, but Steve can only fight one battle at a time, and Robin offending him always takes precedence.

"Don't be so disgusted," Steve complains, and then turns to look back at Gareth, "Same for you. I'm a catch."

"Do you still have a dick?" Robin asks, her go-to response in this situation. He knows the script.

"What she said," Gareth adds.

"I still have a dick," he confirms quietly.

"Well, we're all glad to hear it," Eddie says, finally letting his friend go. 

Another guy walks up, looks between all of them, "What's going on?"

"Jeff?" Robin questions.

Robin knows Jeff? Who's Jeff?

"Hey, Robin," Jeff says

"How do you know Jeff and Gareth?" Steve asks, whoever the fuck they are, but he's being ignored.

 "Oh, Jeff, you picked the exact worst time to wander off. Short story: Goodie pushed this guy—"

"Goodie's here, too?" Robin interrupts.

Gareth keeps talking, "—and get this, turns out, this dude is Eddie's soulmate."

Eddie turns his head, "What'd you say? Gareth, why do you think…" he trails off, and then looks down at his arm.

"You're Goddamn, Fuck You, Motherfucker?" Jeff asks, as if that's Steve's legal name.

Steve laughs, "Well, I prefer Steve, but I'll answer to anything, I guess."

Everybody laughs.

"Jeff, help me. Eddie tried to take my head off my neck," Goodie complains. Which, honestly, the nerve. He started this whole fiasco. Steve was minding his own goddamn business.

"You pushed my soulmate. You got off easy, my child," Eddie says, circling Goodie, clearly teasing him. 

Eddie. Gareth. Goodie. Jeff. Steve's putting these names to faces, because he's afraid it might all be important later. Maybe forever. 

These people are a circus and a rodeo all rolled into one. 

He feels sick to his stomach. In a good way? A bad way? He isn't sure. All this time, and he still somehow wasn't ready for it. This scenario wasn't even in his wildest of dreamed up scenarios. Yeah, he got pushed. But his proposed soulmate doesn't appear to be a total dickhead either. 

"Let me see," Steve says quietly, a demand more than a question, and Eddie stops what he was doing, stepping closer. His arm is right out there, uncovered, for all the world to see. And that's for sure his own handwriting.

Goddamn, fuck you, motherfucker!

Plain as day.

Steve reaches out and brushes his thumb against Eddie's mark, and suddenly he feels like he's riding lightning.

"Holy shit," Eddie says.

"Uh, yeah," Steve answers. 

"Wanna get out of here?" Eddie asks, and Steve is nodding before Eddie's finished asking. 

His body feels warm.

But Robin, "I'm with Robin. I need to-"

"Nope, dingus. Go. I'll ride with Jeff. Or Gareth. Or Goodie," she says. "I can take my pick. I know them all."

"How do you know Jeff, Gareth and Goodie?" Steve asks, because he feels like he's losing his mind.

Jeff waves. So the other two follow suit.

"Jeff and I have had like a thousand classes together," Robin says, and Jeff is nodding in agreement. "We studied together all last year. Do you not recall all the, 'I'm going to study at Jeff's' that I said, week after week?"

Steve shakes his head. He does not.

"You were in our house! All the time!" Eddie says, pointing at Robin. "I have seen you before! I knew you looked familiar!" 

"Yeah, obviously," she says, rolling her eyes, "Anyway. Gareth's in my film class. And Goodie's in the marching band."

Steve feels like he's going insane. He got pushed by a marching band geek? Then there's Eddie, his soulmate, and apparently Robin's just been running in Eddie's whole goddamn circle without his knowledge. What? How?

He can't. Not right now. He needs to process this later. Maybe with a flow chart pointing out all the invisible strings that have been forming, trying to connect them.

"You'll get her home safe?" Steve asks, because that's all that matters.

"They will," Eddie assures, and puts his palm in the middle of Steve's back. Steve can feel it even through his shirt.

Steve looks back at Robin, slightly helpless. 

She takes a step forward, "If you don't-"

"I do," he interrupts, "I do."

He really does.

"Gross, go then," she says, holding up her hands, and when Eddie takes a step forward to lead them out, he goes.

Steve sneaks looks at Eddie as they make their way through the crowded house. He's pretty. Not what he'd expected, not that he'd ever really had a good mental picture of what his soulmate might look like. He'd been too focused on the harsh words, that he hadn't tried to form them into a real person.

Eddie's real.

He's so fucking real.

They step out into the night, and Eddie stops on the sidewalk, meeting Steve's eyes, smiling wide, "Your place or mine?"

Read Eddie's POV next.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddiebingo and follow along with the fun! 💞

Notes: I don't think I've written soulmates before, so I'm not sure if I've stayed with the trope or veered into left field, but I know I had fun with this one. I loved the idea that their first words in each other's presence would be something so unhinged, lol. And Goodie shall never let either of them forget that their soulmarks were spoken to him not each other.

[bitingdrivers]

bones au!! max tells daniel another new fact about himself - maxiel, 1.1k words - read on ao3

The Founding Fathers is busy tonight. The vintage interior of the bar is bathed in warm orange light, the chatter of people and soft music creates a gentle background to conversations. 

It's Friday evening, most people are here to relax after a stressful week of work, meet up with friends or celebrate. 

Max and Daniel aren't here to celebrate – their case isn't solved yet, but it hasn't been stressful either. Truth be told, Daniel is not sure why they're here. 

They were in the lab discussing the details of the case – the body was found on a demolition site, the victim turned out to be a stripper, who also worked in a financial firm. Max had said that he and Carlos found the cause of death – apparently someone punched the guy and he broke his neck on a corner of a bed frame when he fell. Daniel had decided that tomorrow he will talk to the victim's girlfriend. 

After that, they were both reluctant to end the evening, and instead decided to go have a bottle of beer at the bar. 

It's very noisy here so they have to sit close to hear each other. 

“You know, I don't understand why he was stripping,” Daniel says, taking a sip of his beer. 

“Well, a lot of young men become strippers because they need to pay for college,” Max explains before taking a sip too. 

Daniel cocks an eyebrow. “But he already had a job. He was a stock broker.”

“Then he simply liked doing it,” Max shrugs. “I understand it, the victim was handsome and he was probably doing it to feel powerful.”

“You think he was handsome?” Daniel smirks, taking another sip of his beer. He hopes it's not weird talking about a dead guy like that. 

“Yes,” Max hums. 

“I mean, you could be an exotic dancer too, with your alluring personality, muscular build and symmetrical features,” he adds, gesturing to Daniel. 

Daniel almost chokes on his beer. 

“Hah, thanks, Bones. But a good bod is not the only requirement to get into stripping,” he chuckles, rubbing his neck. “Оtherwise you'd be a stripper too,” Daniel ends, shaking his head at the ridiculous thought. 

As the evening marches on, the bar only gets busier, and louder, so it’s only natural for the two men to move in even closer to each other. Their shoulders are touching now, and Daniel can see the individual lashes on Max’s eyes as he studies Daniel before speaking. 

“I actually had once,” he admits.

“Had what?” Daniel asks, puzzled. 

“Stripped.”

Daniel almost chokes on his beer. Again. 

“Wh-For college?” Daniel falters. 

He doesn't expect Max to laugh. And it's not a chuckle either, it's his full-body laugh that makes him bend to the table. 

Daniel suddenly feels much drunker. Maybe this beer is stronger than he thought. 

Max wipes the corner of his eye, still shaking from laughter. “No, no, not for college. I wrote an anthropology paper on stripping in grad school,” he explains, grinning. 

“And you had to,” Daniel pauses, looking for the word, “participate for it?”

“Of course. I wouldn't be a scientist if I hadn't,” Max answers, taking a sip. His bottle is half empty. 

Daniel can see a slight blush on his cheeks. He decides it's safe to take a sip too. 

“What…what was your act?” Daniel finds himself asking. 

He feels a weird feeling rising in his chest, but he quickly pushes past it. There is nothing wrong with asking Max – his friend – about this. Daniel had had far more personal conversations with his mates. Maybe it's because Max is such a private person. 

Max raises an eyebrow. “My act?” 

“Yes, your stripping act. You know, a firefighter or a– a policeman…” Daniel trails off. 

“Oh. I didn't have an act,” Max replies, shrugging.

Daniel hums, picking up his beer – it's almost empty. It's getting late, but maybe they can have one more round. 

“I just used glitter,” Max drops. 

Daniel is starting to think that Max invited him here so he could kill him by making him choke. 

Max seems to take his silence as encouragement to continue. 

“One of the men there gave me this body glitter that you can put on your skin,” he says, rubbing his arms. 

“The next month I kept finding that glitter on all of my things,” Max frowns, shaking his head. 

The beer is definitely strong, Daniel thinks. He can't stop his mind from wandering – to pale skin covered in sparkly glitter, dotted with small freckles and soft hair. Max sits beside him in a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans. In his mind’s eye Daniel can see the way Max would peel off his shirt… 

He shakes his head to dispel the thoughts. No, they shouldn't do another round.

“Maybe if this anthropology gig doesn't work out you can pick it up again,” Daniel jokes, acting normal.

Max makes a face. “No, it was for the paper,” he pauses, “And I didn't like it.”

Daniel suddenly feels the need to stand up and do…something – shadow box or jump around or stand very closely to Max and growl at anyone who approaches them – but he's not sure why. He takes another sip instead. 

“The others of course loved it. But I don't think I was good at it. I am not used to acting like that,” Max says, looking away.

Like what, Daniel almost asks, but doesn't. His mind supplies an answer already. Jesus. 

Maybe he should go on a date or something. 

“I'm sure you looked great, Bones,” Daniel admits, trying to end this conversation. “But I think it's better for you to stay a scientist… less glitter,” he grins, wiggling his fingers. 

He can practically feel the mood lightening. 

Max groans, “Ugh, Daniel, don't even tell me. Sometimes I think I still find glitter in my apartment!” he exclaims and drinks his beer. The blush on his cheeks is even brighter now. 

They chat a little more, finishing their beers. When they get up and put on their jackets, Daniel reaches for his wallet to pay, but Max has already put a few bills on the counter. 

Daniel chuckles. Max grins at him. They somehow developed this game of who can pay the bill faster. Tonight Max seems to be the winner. 

Sometimes, very rarely, Daniel doesn't try to win because he wants to see Max’s pleased smile. And a few bucks wouldn't make a difference to him anyway – being a forensic anthropologist definitely pays more than being an FBI agent. 

As they say goodnight to each other and Max’s taxi drives off, Daniel pulls out his phone to look through his contacts – he needs to find a woman to go on a date with.

[wowbright]

Anderson’s Guide to the Birds of North America, Chapter 1: Lover Boy

Summary: Fourteen scenes from the lives of Blaine Anderson, grad student and avid birder, and Kurt Hummel, clothing designer and Vogue writer, from before their first meeting in the spring of 2020 through falling in love.

Note: Back during the COVID lockdowns I wrote a couple hundred words of Klaine lockdown meet-cute. I thought I would write more, but I guess I didn't feel like writing about the COVID lockdown during the COVID lockdown, so I never did and I never posted the tiny bit I had written. Thanks to Klaine Valentine’s Challenge 2025, I’m finally doing the thing! I'm trying to keep each chapter to around 500 words. Thanks @spaceorphan!

AO3

~~~

Chapter 1: Lover Boy

Blaine was going to go insane.

He knew he should be grateful. He had it better than a lot of other people. He didn't have to worry about where his next paycheck was coming from, because he didn't get a paycheck, because he was an idiot who had, for some reason, decided his fascination with birds was enough to carry him through another five years of school at minimum after completing college. More to the point, he received monthly distributions from a trust fund his grandparents had set up for him in their wills, and though it didn't make him filthy rich, it gave him enough to live on without having to worry about finances.

But he never would have moved in with Cooper if he’d known they'd be locked up together for weeks (or would it be months?) on end. He loved his brother, but his brother was a lot. At least they had separate bedrooms, plus Cooper had the recording studio and was staying fairly busy with audiobook work. Unfortunately, Cooper did not keep all of his acting and voice exercises to the studio. Nor did he keep his opinions to himself, no matter how many times Blaine said, “I'm not changing what I'm making for dinner,” and “This is what I choose to wear and your opinion has no bearing on the matter,” and “I'm sorry you can't go to the gym, but no, you do not have my permission to use me as a dumbbell for bench presses.”

Blaine was spending increasing amounts of time shut in his bedroom with ear plugs and noise canceling headphones on, working on compiling and coding his field research notes and, when that became too tiresome, checking recently submitted species sightings on ebird.org for potential errors.

Today, he was listening to his Upbeat Sexy With a Twist of Romance playlist—the one he used to listen to while getting dressed for a night out on the town. Oh, what a different time that had been. Now instead of gelling his hair while crooning along to Freddie Mercury singing Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy, whatcha doin’ tonight?  while hoping to get laid or better yet find love, he was bobbing along to the song while entering numbers into a spreadsheet.

But that could be good, too. The rhythm of the music combined with the spreadsheet sent him into a near hypnotic trance that made him forget time and boredom and COVID. It was as close as Blaine got to heaven these days.

A sudden weight on his shoulder jarred him out of his trance.

His brother period of course. Just when Blaine’s mind had found some semblance of peace, Cooper had to disturb it.

He removed his headphones and one ear plug. “What is it, Coop?”

“New lockdown project: I’m going to turbocharge my manscaping routine. I need waxing tips.”

“You interrupted my work for that?”

Cooper waved at the computer screen dismissively. “You should be thanking me. That must be incredibly boring. What do all those numbers even mean?”

Blaine looked at his brother. He looked at the numbers. He looked at his brother again. “I mean this with all due respect, but I seriously want to kill you right now.” He closed his eyes. He took a breath. “I'm going for a walk.”

Blaine had already been for a walk that morning. It was the migratory season, so of course he had. He’d gone out with his binoculars as soon as the sun started twinkling over the horizon. He’d ticked off twenty-seven species, including his first American redstart of the season along with plenty of palm and yellow-rumped warblers, but apparently two hours of birding in the morning wasn't enough to keep him sane.

He jumped from his chair, pulled on a jacket, and grabbed his binoculars. “I'm going to walk until I no longer feel murderous. Love you!” The door slammed behind him.

[traincat]

Did you say you were working on an Ultimate Johnny/Peter fic? I can’t remember if that was real or if I dreamed it.

It's 50% an Ultimate Johnny/Peter fic, in that Johnny is Ultimate Johnny and Peter is from a 616-adjacent AU of my own creation. (Nothing against Ultimate Peter particularly, it's just that the story I wanted to write with this fic worked better with a Peter with a different background.)

(I did also recently post 13.5k of unfinished Ultimate JohnnyBobby fic over here, and it has background unrequited Ultimate Spideytorch.)

I've had this idea for ages, wrote a couple thousand words, scrapped it for a few years. Threw it out there as a WIP I was willing to post but then backed out because when I looked at it again it turns out I actually do really want to write it.

The basic premise is this: When Secret Wars (2015)'s incursions destroyed the Marvel multiverse, and after Franklin and the Molecule Man start putting them back together, Franklin stumbles upon the Ultimate version of his uncle and, instead of removing him from existence or restoring his old universe, he sends him to another universe instead, hoping he'll be happier there.

This universe is very similar to 616 canon re: around just after Peter graduates college and enters grad school, but with a few key differences. The biggest departure is that Harry is Peter's dead college love instead of Gwen. (I love to play mix and match with the college fivesome in general ngl but I think Harry lends himself to a roleswap with Gwen particularly well.) Another difference is that I wanted to pull from Bullet Points, which is a miniseries in which, among other things, the rocket launch fails, and Reed is the only survivor, leading him to a Nick Fury-esque role. So Johnny knows who Peter is, but Peter has no framework for Johnny.

Peter, having intentionally isolated himself from pretty much everyone in the wake of Harry's death, follows what looks like a falling star, and finds Johnny. I did want to play with a whole "two other worlds" thing, literally, with Johnny in a whole new universe that might be kinder to him -- and with a Peter who might look back at him -- and Peter, isolating himself in his grief, needing someone warm and bright to break him out of his self-imposed isolation.

The problem is that I like the concept but what I had written for it needs to be ripped up by the carpet. Full remodel. So right now I'm working on some other fic, including another Spideytorch fic, and I'm just kind of reassessing and building out a bigger outline for this one.

I'm probably ripping all of this up and rewriting it but a couple of snips under the cut.

Then he saw the scars. The top set was half hidden by the robe’s hem, perfectly circular. There was another set a few inches beneath. Peter couldn’t figure out what would make scars like those, but they were definitely scars, relatively new and shiny.

“Peter?” Johnny said.

Peter looked up, guilty, but Johnny hadn’t seemed to notice the staring. He was still scrubbing at his own hair, gaze on the floor.

“Can I borrow something to sleep in?” he asked.

Harry had used to wear his clothes to bed. He’d liked how it made him feel, he’d said. Safe, he’d said. “It smells like you,” he’d said, tossing Peter that grin over his shoulder.

(...)

Peter sighed, tipping his head back. “Would you believe he came from another universe?”

“There’s not a lot I won’t believe,” Felicia said. “But I’ll admit it was a shock when I came in through your window and there was a man restocking your sad excuse for a fridge. The fire show was a neat surprise, too.”

“He lit up?” Peter said, surprised.

“A little. He’s very protective of you,” Felicia purred. Her tone of voice was light; her gaze was an accusation.

“It’s not like that,” Peter said.

“He’s in your kitchen, making you dinner,” Felicia said. “He’s wearing your clothes. It looks a whole lot like that, lover.”

“He fell from another universe into this one, Felicia, he doesn’t exactly have a full wardrobe,” Peter said.

“He’s in your home,” Felicia said, dropping the pretense. Her tone was cutting. “That doesn’t happen. You don’t do that.”

It was the opposite problem, with Felicia. For once it was her, not him. He could be with Felicia for an afternoon, for a night. Any longer and her bad luck powers would start tripping him up.

The look on her face told him she was thinking the same thing.

“He knew me in his home universe,” Peter said, drumming his fingers restlessly on fire escape railing. “He hasn’t said it yet, but I’m pretty sure I died on him.”

Felicia’s face fell.

“Oh, Peter,” she said. “You can’t feel guilty over something like that.”

“No, 'Licia,” he said. “It pretty much turns out that I can.”

[screamlet]

I want to ask about Dr and Mrs Princess Whitelaw, but instead I'll ask about Spoctoria, which I love love love.

god. spoctoria (series ao3 locked). my love. if you haven't read @waldorph's star trek reboot masterpiece "strive seek find yield" please do it!!! you don't need to know anything about star trek or kirk/spock- it's a gorgeous space action-adventure royal au (based on "the young victoria") and a Must Read trek reboot fic. like: this is a transformative work. i'm so happy, forever, that waldorph put so much into writing something so great.

lol but lim you already knew all that, so:

the fic title comes from tennyson's "ulysses":

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho' We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

and i just found these august 2010 chat logs where we were throwing tennyson quotes back and forth about the title (at like 3:30 in the afternoon during my first job out of grad school). had to be tennyson because victoria made him the poet laureate, of course, not at all pretentious it just works thematically for jim kirk!!!! (he has strived, sought, found, and in marrying spock, he yields to him, for him. get it!!!!! i unironically love that poem, whatever.)

waldorph wrote THE story and i wrote a 9k chaotic/absurd wedding planning fic starring t'pring, sybok, and uhura. i just reread it for the first time in years and it's still really silly! like this snippet when jim objects to a post-wedding parade because he has a price on his head and, you know, Assassinations, What Do You Mean He Can't Have a Gun On Him During the Royal Procession:

"Spock gets a plasma rifle," Jim says. "I will have one strapped under the seat," T'Pring says. "That's all I'm asking!" Jim says and that, apparently, concludes his participation in the meeting, so he walks away happily. Until he turns around and shouts, "And snipers, obviously!" "Well, obviously!" Sybok shouts back. "This is a wedding, after all!"

haha i said yesterday i don't like writing weddings and in my head it's because i wrote this fic; i got all the weddings out of my system, all at once, and i never have to write a wedding again. :)

"strive seek find yield" speaks for itself; sitting down and reading some of it, falling right into it like i never left, it's so excellent on its own but it also reminds me of like, Old Fandom, and i can't exactly articulate what that means except that i'm also fucking old and every year that excerpt from "ulysses" feels more and more true, lol. WALDORPH YA GOT ANYTHING???????????

✨ ask me things!

[drsteggy]

I was super creative when I was a young person. I was actually known for drawing. In grad school, I drew the T shirt designs for all the various clubs we had. I painted. I did a lot of miniature stuff. I even wrote some original fiction.

Then I graduated and got a grown up job and everything ground to a halt. I didn’t have time. I didn’t have energy. My career sucked everything out of me and demanded more. I told myself that I used my creative juices at work now, and I guess that was sort of true. I ended up buying art instead of doing my own and at some point I decided that part of me was done.

I burned out hard in 2020, and in 2022 spouse and I decided that it would be best for everyone if I stop working full time. So I do like 20 hours a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. It has been better. I am much better at my job than I was. I feel better.

And a lot of my creativity came back. These days it’s more likely to be expressed in sewing and EVA foam, but it almost all came back, except the drawing.

This week I feel like that may be coming back, too

We’ll see.

[camp-counselor-life]

Youthwork in 2025

Tomorrow is Trump's second inauguration. When all of this was just starting, waaaaay back in 2016/17, I took a break from my blog's hiatus and wrote a post about Trump's first election. It was titled "How to be a camp counselor with today's politics," and it listed a number of skills. I've also written on and off about how youth work, Girl Scouts, and summer camp have inherent political aspects to them, regardless of nonpartisan status (as 501c3s are).

While I can't guarantee regular content or any sort of schedule, I'm here to say, reflections on the political nature of youthwork & camp will not stop. The politics involved with supporting kids & families will be here for all of time. Any kids, whether that's trans kids, queer kids, kids of color, kids from other countries, other socioeconomic statuses, disabled kids, any group of kids.

Because all children are important and deserve to be supported and loved by not just their families and friends, but by neighbors, communities, countries, and the world. (I invite you to look at the UN's rights for children, which has been ratified by most countries but not the US).

You may not be sure what is coming. I'm certainly not. But this I can tell you: we are fighting an uphill battle on behalf of the kids we work with, teach, care for, and love. The world in 50 years, well, I might be around, but it's really going to be the world for the next generation(s). But I'm shaping that world now.

So. What's a camp staff, youth educator, or general person who interacts with kids to do?

Take a breath and get your own thoughts together, at least a little. Not only can you not pour from an empty cup, there's no way to do the work that we need if we're in a panic.

Educate yourself within reason. You can't be an advocate for your kids if you don't know what's happening, but also remember, through all of this, that you still need to care for yourself. Burnout is no joke.

Start to reach out, build community, and build momentum. Maybe you connect your day camp with a local food collective to feed everyone lunch instead of hoping they can afford sack lunches. Maybe you organize a supply drive alongside a middle school. Maybe you get involved with an organization providing education to teens on community building.

Nothing we do in this fight will be accomplished alone. I told a friend recently that the best part of working at council, in conjunction with what I learned in grad school, is the community building I have been a part of.

Do you know the resources in your community for shelter, food, utility and rent assistance, or where to find them? Have you gone on your local 211 website (recently)? Do you know where you'd direct someone looking for assistance if they asked? Do you know where to find help if you need it.

So here's my challenge options to you, today (pick what best fits you or pick multiple):

Reach out to 1-2 friends to say hi, check in, etc.

Find your local 211 website and click around.

Go online and find your local mutual aid group, community fridge/food pantry, or collective. If you're feeling brave, reach out about how you can help.

Consider what your bandwidth is for this year. Do you have time to volunteer? In what capacity.

Research organizations fighting the good fight in an area you are passionate about. How do you know what you're passionate about? What pisses you off most about the new administration, project 2025, Trump in general. That's a good starting place.

If none of these are doable, practice self care. Maybe don't watch the inauguration (I'm not going to).

I know this is a little naive. I know people are going to suffer & probably die due to this. I also know that I can only control my sphere. I can make my sphere bigger, sure, but I can't control anything outside of what I'm working to accomplish, and I certainly don't control politics.

I am moving from panic mode and letting my fear drive me to action. I can control what I can, and fight like hell for that. So I invite you to join me, with even the smallest action, today, tomorrow, every day.

[owmylasagna-blog]

Hey Garfield Lasagna! I was looking at some old posts and I remembered you mentioning a "school teachers AU" at some point! But I can't remember if you ever expanded on it... were there any particular ideas you had in mind for the characters? If you don't mind my curiosity hehe, just thought I'd ask for fun 👀

Aw hey MB what’s up?? It’s been a minute, hasn’t it. Thanks for the ask and sorry it’s taken so long to reply to it. As you’ll see it took a while to respond because I wrote a lot. Lol.

For context, this extremely hypothetical school teacher AU was inspired by @doubledyke ‘s post about Edd being a school choir director and @mar-saturn ‘s fabulous drawing. The AU exists as a few comments there and some deep part of my memory. But I’ll try to remember what I can and it will be fun to fill in the rest! https://www.tumblr.com/mar-saturn/730274033161125888/i-had-to-take-this-out-of-my-system-thanks

Generally the premise of the AU is to take the cast of Ed Edd n Eddy, age them up, and turn them all into employees at Peach Creek Jr. High. I’d only fleshed out the Eds and Kevin so everyone beyond that I’m spitballing.

Edd - Music teacher and choir director

In any AU I have to make Edd a grad school burnout, so let’s assume that. Our little Renaissance Man maintained an affinity for music even as his dreams of curing mosquito bites were dashed by his declining mental health. As a teacher he’s a real stickler and can be a pompous pain in the ass, so most of the kids don’t like him. Despite that he loves to teach and revels in breakthrough connections with the band geeks and aspiring Broadway singers who see his vision.

Eddy - PE, Health, Sub

@gettingfrilly had suggested a coach McGuirk type gym teacher and that’s. Yes. And also a smattering of Coach Fredricks from Freaks and Geeks and Jack Black in School of Rock (again, fans like @hermes-running have made these parallels). Also only a little inspired by his cute little coaching outfit in One Size Fits Ed. The kids genuinely like him because he lets them do whatever during PE. Eddy is both super down to earth and honest with the kids and they respect that. When he subs they know it’s movie time.

Kevin - PE, Football Coach

Kevin on the other hand is a bit more of a hardass with the kids and will blow the whistle to shake the lead out of their sneakers when running laps. He and Eddy have a bit of a rivalry and often butt heads. Their beef runs deep: in this AU I imagine both Kevin and Eddy grew up in PC and went to school together where they were friends until they weren’t. Kevin got popular and stopped hanging out with Eddy. Eddy became the class clown and pranked Kevin and his in-crowd friends every change he got. The cycle continues to comical effect.

Ed - Janitor

Originally I thought art teacher would be a good fit (as did gettingfrilly) but I changed my mind. Instead, Ed gets the janitor job through his sister Sarah who already works for the school. Ed is sort of a mythical creature in the school, and the kids make up lots of lore and rumors about him. Mysterious, whimsical, pretty rubbish at his job, but genuinely friendly and sweet when you do run into him. He makes sculptures in the woods behind the school from the trash he collects which gets him some attention from other teachers…

Nazz - Guidance counselor

Nazz always knew she wanted to help kids. She has multiple degrees and certifications in children's psychology, social work, and counseling. She’s way too qualified for her position at PC but wouldn't change it for the world because damn do these kids really need her! She is genuinely liked by pretty much all the staff and kids, the cool and hip guidance counselor with great style and a laid back, approachable attitude. But don’t be fooled - she is also a fierce advocate for better teacher wages which can make her a thorn in the administration’s side. You can find her every Thursday night at the local watering hole organizing workers for labor unions.

Rolf - Science teacher

Before immigrating to the US, Rolf was a renowned surgeon in his home country. But as soon as he set foot into the Land of Opportunity all his credentials went out the window and that, along with his remedial English, left him with few options. For a few years he works as a butcher - it's what he did on his family farm growing up, afterall, and he knew his way around cutting flesh. But then an opportunity to teach science at PC gave him more time to care for his aging great Nano so he takes it. Despite improving his English, the students have no clue what he is saying because of his thick accent and foreign analogies. For the Rolf the job is just… fine. The football coach hits it off with him as does the nice blonde regardless of their cultural differences which makes it a bit more tolerable.

Jonny - Wood shop

Need I say more? Just imagine your classic stoner type, Bob Ross energy guy. His favorite song to play at the start of every year is “Everything That’s Made of Wood Once Was a Tree”. Plank is his teaching assistant and will come and give the most scathing critiques of the students’ birdhouses. Not Jonny. Plank. “What’s that, Plank? Not even a rabid ferret would crawl up and die in there… Gee, buddy. Go easy on poor Nelson, would ya?”

Jimmy - Art teacher

Freshly graduated with a shiny MFA in hand, the Chelsea galleries weren’t clamoring to represent Jimmy. This job is just a way for him to start paying off the debt until he makes it big, and he means BIG - he’s the next Warhol as far as he’s concerned. The rest of the art world just needs to catch up. His daring art projects and student shows scandalize the school admin and the parents. They don’t know that good art is evocative. One lunch on his smoke break he stumbles upon the most evocative artwork he’s ever seen in the woods behind the football field. And he just must - MUST - find the artist behind them.

Sarah - Assistant principal

Sarah is the right-hand-man to Principal Antonucci, keeping the chaos of PC in check. Without her, the whole school would have fallen apart at this stage. Young and ambitious Sarah isn’t afraid to run a tight ship to improve the reputation of the school. She quickly latches onto the new art teacher who also loves a good gossip session at lunch time - and boy does Sarah have plenty of opinions, and Jimmy is the best fly on the wall she could ask for. The worst trouble isn't even the students - it’s the drama between the PE teachers.

The Kankers

Lee and May Kanker are both single moms whose kids go to the school. Lee has a monopoly on the PC real estate and May is training to be a dental hygienist. Marie is the local mechanic who is often called in to repair the boiler at the school when a pipe inevitably bursts every January, and will also pick up her little nieces when either of her sisters are working overtime or studying for a big exam. The anklebiters love it when she rolls up in her hotrod, top down. And so does a certain guidance counselor.

That covers everyone!

In this AU the Eds aren’t childhood friends, but become friends from working at the school. The general sort of plotline I imagined was that the school musical sort of brings these three loner staff members together. Edd is directing the production and realizes that Eddy is actually a gifted dancer (lol I’m so cringe - indulge with me) and quite musically inclined, and that Ed has a real talent for making stage props and backdrops. And while this is happening, Edd and Eddy probably strike up a secret little romance because, if you know me, you know I can’t help myself. And the rest is history!

Wow okay that was a long winded answer but it was really fun to come up with! Thanks again for asking (:

[aspec-argentum]

Instead of talking about our usual stuff my therapist and I discussed Dropout.tv... basically it went like this: I mentioned that my workplace had a fire so I was working from home since Wednesday and go back tomorrow (small fire on the floor above me and no one was injured or even present- and our new fire alarms worked so go us for finally getting those put in) We discussed how much money this school gets and how it's unbelievable there weren't fire alarms just a few years prior! And then we transitioned into what I've been doing beyond work since it's summer (I'm a grad student so summers are structured differently for me).

We started off by talking about what I've been watching so I talked about NSBU and we talked about Brennan Lee Mulligan and from him about the entire sphere of DnD that exists and how many of the people overlap (the McElroys, Critical Role, & D20 highlighted). She mentioned that she knew of a season of D20 that Hank Green was in so we talked Mentopolis and she also mentioned that she had heard that Brennan knew a lot of bird facts so I told her the lore of where that started. Then we discussed Breaking News as a concept and the fact thay not many streaming services or media in general is willing to have fun and I've successfully gotten her to agree to waych Mentopolis- she wrote it down!!- and look at the stuff Dropout has on YT.

Next I'll try to get her to get a subscription!

[free-luigi-mangione]

Hello, it’s me again 💚

Been crashing out a bit from all the evidence and drama with those damn notes. Feel like I’ve finally calmed down enough to engage with the case again.

I had mentioned handwriting analysis and ink dating in a couple of my asks. I had initially heard this from a former criminal lawyer (the dude didn’t practice very long lol) and decided to do some further research on the topic.

If you’ve been following David Betras on TikTok, you’ll see that he brings up the Daubert standard a lot. As in, any evidence that is submitted in a court of law needs to meet a certain framework for reliability.

So something like DNA is considered fairly strong evidence by that benchmark because modern DNA collection is fairly reliable (though not 100%, if you’ve ever seen those reports, the terminology used is interesting. If two pieces of DNA are presented as a match, the report will read, there’s a “99.9998% that the first sample of DNA will not match the DNA of any other person except the second sample of DNA”)

Then you have something like polygraphs which are considered entirely inadmissible in a court of law because their conduct does not meet the standard of reliability required by the court. They’re very easy to fool. Though they are often used as a tactic by law enforcement to point them in the right direction. So they’ll follow leads based on polygraph interrogations, and then gather evidence in a manner in which it will hold up in court. But the polygraph itself will not.

Handwriting analysis and ink dating, based on my updated research, are considered on a case-by-case basis. As in, it’ll be a battle of the experts. Both sides will have their own people examine his notebook and I think there’s a decent chance KFA will be able to neutralise if not minimise the incriminating aspect of that. Like it won’t be considered very strong evidence, there are ways to discredit it. Especially considering the chain of custody issues and the fact that his handwriting (hopefully) would have gotten messier if he was agitated or upset.

i already knew about the admissibility of evidences thing but thank you for telling me how it's gonna get used in this case :)

also i just have a very hard time believing mr waxes poetic everywhere using textual communication unless he's joking wrote "i work in engineering" like lol gross that's such a shit sentence and the syntax is just off putting and personally offends anybody who's actually educated, which Luigi very much is, so...

if it were me, i'd be telling the jury whether an ivy grad would ever write such a shit sentence and how likely are the ‘couldn't even get C's in high school so we had to be pigs’ cops to have written that instead

[xwishingonraindropsx]

2024 Journal Reflections

In 2024 I filled up 5 journals!! In 2023 I only filled up 2. Looking at the stats I did a daily journal entry about 50% of the time, and used the bullet journal spreads I created about 80% of the time. I wanted to figure out how often I wrote over one page but I couldn't figure out how to track that :/

This year I experimented A LOT with how I journaled, while some things stayed consistent. I use a catch all journal, so I carry around one journal and put everything in it for a few months and then start a new one when its full. I do a combo of bullet journaling, goal planning, memory keeping, daily vents/dumps, journal prompts, and art journaling.

This year I wanted seasonal/quarterly journals with consistent spreads and check ins. I have been a slut for the Archer and Olive A5 journal for maybe 5 years, but this year I tried new sizes and brands.While I did really enjoy trying new sizes, in 2025 I will be going back to the A5. I particularly enjoyed the larger B5 size to give me more space and add a little empty space to the pages instead of cramming them full. Unfortunately, A5 is more practical for keeping my journal in my purse. But I tried a Quirky Cup Collective journal and loved it so I have two more for next year!

One thing I loved was having consistent goal planning spreads across each journal, and to simplify that for 2025 I wrote my long term goals on cards to move into each journal as I go, and write monthly and weekly goals to support my goals for the year.

One of the huge successes of my year was using 3 different journaling practices consistently to support my mental health.

The first two are from The Artists Way, an incredibly famous self help book that I ended up loving but kind of cherry picking from rather than living by. From this book I took morning pages, the practice of writing 3 pages of stream of consciousness right when you wake up. I used it right when I got home from work instead and it really helped me relax and feel more positive as I transitioned into my evening. I probably didn't do it very consistently but I loved it. I also started writing affirmations out ten times, also from the Artists Way. Again, I wasn't very consistent but I like it!

The last one I used was 3 good things, a practice where you write down three good things daily, writing at least a paragraph per thing, trying to bring yourself back to the moment of feeling good. This came from the Science of Happiness podcast, and I did i consistently a few years ago.

My biggest failure was giving up on bullet journaling for October and November. I started school and decided I should use a planner to ensure I was staying on top of grad school stuff, and I kind of hated i and didn't use it. So. Back to bullet journaling. I have given up on bullet journaling many times over the years, as I do so much writing and feel like I should focus on that, but I always regret it.

This got really long, so I will make a seperate post going into what my plans are for next year!

[asurrogateblog]

Cannibals, Pirates, and PhDs: How Did I Get Here?

I mentioned in some tags earlier that I’ve only actually been a real fan of Pink Floyd for under a year, and that the confluence of events that led up to it is pretty absurd. Some interest seemed to be taken in this, so I though I’d elaborate.

I didn’t know how to shorten this timeline and have it make any sense, so it’s... long. But idk, I think it’s pretty funny. If you’re nosy like I am this is for you.

My Backstory Timeline:

early childhood: my parents essentially mainline me and my little sister with The Beatles. I know almost no songs written past the 70’s until at least sixth grade. I develop a childhood crush on Paul McCartney, a joke that the universe really decides to play the long game on.

2014: my dad calls me over one night, and gravely tells me he’s been waiting to share something until I’m old enough. I brace myself to be told about sex or secret half-siblings. Instead, he tells me I need to listen to The Wall. Irritated at the idea of wasting an hour and half of my night, I nevertheless comply and go up to my room and put it on. I do not come back from this, clearly having inherited some sort of generational curse.

Around the same time, I am also secretly watching Hannibal every time my parents send me upstairs because Game of Thrones is “too gory”. This will trigger three important things: an interest in psychology, a love of horror media, and a classical music phase will train my attention span to last well past the three minute mark.

2014-2023: Over the intervening years, I become a casual fan of Pink Floyd, but make a deliberate point not to learn anything about the band. I like being able to imagine my own meanings for the songs. Also, I am motivated against this by a childhood memory of being deeply frightening by a picture of old Paul McCartney (LOL). I do not want that to ever happen again, so no learning.

Cut to April of 2023: I am finishing up my first year of my PhD program studying media psychology. I am in a bad place mentally, and am going through another horror movie phase to fill the hole. As a result, I get very into American Psycho. The main character, Patrick Bateman, is a fan of superficial 80’s pop music, particularly Genesis. I decide to start listening to Genesis to see if I agree with his tastes. While researching “best Genesis albums”, I come across The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I listen to it, and am blown away. I had no idea that the Phil Collins band made music like that. This sends me down the prog-rock rabbit hole. I still won't learn any lore.

Summer of 2023: MEANWHILE, I am also going through another pirate phase. I have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of 18th century piracy (and am still quite active in the Black Sails fan community). Around this time, I get really obsessed with this one random guy named Dennis McCarthy who was hanged in 1718.

I decide to work poor Dennis into a science fiction story I’ve been working on. The premise is essentially that the universe is an abandoned simulation, and a ‘glitch in the matrix’ starts to, among other things, bring people from the wrong time periods back to life. The format of the story is vaguely monster-of-the-week, in which the characters have to solve various problems caused by mistakes in the code. I think, “hey, you know what would be perfect for this? that fanfic I wrote about The Wall in high school.” Said fic (which that stupid fucking beatles movie stole from me) is about a world in which Pink Floyd never existed, but a wannabe rock-star discovers a box full of their records and decides to copy them. While he is touring his plagiarized version of The Wall, he realizes that the events of the album are starting to happen to him in real life. By working this concept into my new story, I go through another one of my periodical The Wall phases. It's in full swing when fall rolls around.

September of 2023: This semester, I take a grad-level narrative theory class in the English department. I decide it would be helpful to follow along with a specific example, so I choose The Wall. Using the terminology I am learning in the class, I start to realize that The Wall is…. incredibly narratologically fucked up. To help orient me, I watch the bootleg concert recordings, and the trick with the surrogate band sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore.

This is where the two plot-lines converge. I don’t remember which came first, but around this same time, I think to myself “hey, if Genesis was hiding such an incredible album under the 80’s pop, what must Pink Floyd be hiding?” On that whim, I put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, which equally sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore. I needed to know what the fuck happened to get them from Piper to The Wall.

September-November: In the two months between the onset of this and finally making another sideblog, I dedicate all of my free time to learning as much about Pink Floyd as humanely possible (and writing a 20 page essay for that narrative theory class). As you can imagine, this is a lot to unpack all at once for someone who didn’t even know who Roger or Syd or any of the rest of them were. Luckily, I am over-educated enough to be a very fast learner. Aside from the band lore itself, I of course also fall in love with the rest of Pink Floyd's discography musically-speaking. Having this interest to latch onto genuinely pulls me out of my depression.

Cut to February 2024: I am really enjoying myself, and want to keep this going as long as possible, but I am starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Pink Floyd lore. I decide I need to feed the fire by supplementing with lore from another band. The Beatles seem to have a strong fan presence on tumblr, why not revisit a childhood favorite? The universe laughs at my expense.

That about brings us up to date. I have gone through so much character development over the last eight months, it’s crazy. Pink Floyd is definitely one of those things that is less of a “phase” and more of a permanent part of my mindscape. Weirdly enough, since I am studying media psychology, all of this has also been really good for my career? I never took an interest in -real- media figures (as opposed to fictional characters) before, and I feel like I have a much clearer sense of things now. It's definitely influenced my research, so whatever domino effect this has on my future is bound to get even funnier.

Anyway, that’s my backstory!

[cityandking]

B, E, S for minah, dai, + vesper!

thanks babe xo // AU ABCs

B. band au. What is your OC like in a band AU? Are they a performer or a groupie? What instrument would they play? What's their relationship with their bandmates and/or the group(s) they follow?

MINAH — wow this girl is truly made for a band au. she’s been touring with this group (the orchestra) for ages and loves getting to perform. she’d either be full rock band (she’d play bass and backing guitar and do harmonies) and it would be a wild sweaty smoke-n-stagelights show, or she’d be in a (slightly) more sedate folk-rock group and play like, violin and mandolin and also backing vocals. they’d play all the festival circuits, following the live show slots around the country with the seasons. her relationship with the band would be the same as it is in canon—close and fond, but still with that edge of hiding something

DAI — dai has a surprisingly decent singing voice but I don’t think he’d want to be on stage. I could see him working as a board op, honestly—running tech and the board during izzy’s concerts, a background/logistics guy. probably he helped record the album(s)? I think he’d have one or two songs that he wrote at least part of and he’s on the backing tracks doing vocals (and maybe like. drums? I think he’d have a really good sense of rhythm) but it’s like pulling teeth getting him on stage

VESPER — vesper’s definitely more of a groupie. she doesn’t want to be on stage but she’s always there to support the group when they’re in town. who is the group? maybe the Chargers. she and bull and dorian and co. go for drinks after the show

E. education. What would your OC be like in a high school and/or college AU? What would their major be? What would they teach if they were an educator?

MINAH — high school AU minah would be the arts/theater kid who ends up prom queen or something. she’d be so friendly and popular and put together and in with the right people and you’d never know that things were falling apart in her home life. to be honest I don’t know if she’d go to college? but if she ended up teaching she’d be a high school teacher in one of the arts programs and have a real knack for sniffing out the kids who are struggling at home (she knows the signs)

DAI — dai would be really cute in a college au actually—group projects, late nights, etc. trying to talk izzy into doing her own homework instead of copying his, study sessions with scratch, awkwardly dancing around zaref when they’re in the same gen eds. he'd be pre-med and going into med school (and doing his residency in selto)

VESPER — vesper’s doing some kind of accelerated international relations/pre-law program OR a history/anthropology program. something really heavy on the reading and the writing and the theory. she’d definitely continue on to post-grad studies and eventually end up teaching at the university level. she’d find it deeply rewarding (and even academia isn’t as bad as being The Inquisitor)

S. star wars au. What would your OC be like in a Star Wars AU? What era would they be in: sequel, prequel, original trilogy, old republic? Would they be Force sensitive?

MINAH — she’d be an empire-era performer/dancer and part-time thief on some semi-independent mid-to-outer rim system (probably nominally independent but really hutt-controlled). she's not force sensitive but she’d have some really cool tech (my favorite concept is some kind of chip or transmitter that wipes her face/presence from security footage, like the amulet of proof against detection and location). obviously she’s still so fucking paranoid but it’s a little easier to hide in the vastness of the galaxy than it is on a single continent

DAI — oh man I was just talking to alana about this. he’s definitely a jedi I don’t know anyone more perfectly suited to be a jedi—the nobility, the humility, the dedication to a higher cause, the magic connection with the Force, the non-attachment. he’d be a senior padawan or just barely newly knighted when Order 66 happens and spend the next few years on the run on his own, until a few too many run-ins with the mandalorian bounty hunter zaref resulted in them working together. also he definitely came into contact with inquisitor ozy

VESPER — she has to be a jedi. she’d be such a good jedi. I kinda want to say old republic era? I think she’s got some of that antiquity/old guard energy to her, and I’d like to see her story without the empire being the Big Bad

[idrellegames]

This isn’t a question as much as it is an agreement with your last ask (talking about how romance is both looked for and expected from IFs). I’m personally pansexual and love a good harem, but it is growing more and more evident that that is what readers/players are expecting from our stories/games. Maybe it’s a maturity issue with the fans begging for more romance options and the anger when a plot point doesn’t play out the way they want; but you also see that with grown adults in other fandoms—namely Star Wars or A Song of Ice and Fire.

I enjoy writing romance and I do write it, but that is not the only thing my stories are about. It gives me anxiety when my readers expect more than what I’ve promised. And I always gaslight myself into thinking that I should be giving them what exactly they want instead of writing for myself.

I suppose I do have a question: how do you maintain fan expectations in your IF and stay true to your vision with/without worrying about their opinions? <3

Unfortunately, there is no way to stop your audience from having expectations that don't match up with the story you want to tell or where you want to take your characters. This is a normal part of writing fiction--everyone is going to have an opinion, everyone is going to want different things, and some people are going to be disappointed when you don't follow through with the thing they imagined in their head.

And, as an author, it can be a lot to handle.

Managing feedback--whether it's criticism, wildly off the charts expectations and assumptions, hate messages, or actual constructive critique--is a skill. It takes time to learn how to manage it without feeling like you're attacked and need to go on the defensive. It can also be really hard not to sit with all of this feedback and want to change your whole story to fit your audience's demands.

There's no easy way to get used to this. I think a good starting place is to have a dedicated beta group--either your playtesters, an editor, a few trusted friends with whom you share in-development things--so you can get genuine feedback before you put it into the public eye. It's really easy for writers to isolate themselves because it's a one-person job, but you need to have people with whom you can safely share the unpublished stages. Once something gets published, it's a free-for-all and you can't control how people react to your work, positive or negative. You cannot rely on that for the kind of feedback you would get from a beta group.

Furthermore, you are not writing for one person, regardless of how many times they ask (if they want something personalized, they can commission you). A lesson that was stressed to me in grad school is how fragile a playwright's new work can be when it is in the workshop/staged reading stage. People are giving you their opinion constantly. You make changes, you make edits, you come back one day with a whole new draft of Act 2 and the actors have to adjust. It's really easy to want to make changes to the characters so they better suit the actors originating them. Sometimes actors make demands because they had an idea about the character they are playing and they were really excited about it and they come to you with questions. The fate of a play is that it will be performed multiple times by many actors, not just the first one.

My supervisor told me: "Don't write the role for the actor--their job is to play the character you wrote, not the other way around."

And I think this can be applied to IF. Be clear about the direction of your game from the beginning. If players want something that isn't part of your vision, it's OK for them to voice that--but they may also have to accept that this isn't the type of game for what they want.

At the end of the day, you need to let your audience have their opinions on your work. That doesn't mean you're obligated to listen to them.