#I; no joke; have been getting 30+ followers a day for the past WEEK on my undertale blog; like; since a couple of days after my poll broke

[liltaz-asatreat]

🐰

From the How Intimidating Am I ask game here!!

Ye! :D I'm glad I'm not that intimidating :) I like when people feel like they can talk to me and be friends!!

Thank you for sending this in, Cheshira!!

[barcaatthemoon]

holiday || lia walti x reader ||

you bring lia home to meet your family.

it wasn't very often that an opportunity arose for you to spend time with both lia and your parents. arsenal's trip to america was a pretty big deal. you and lia managed to fly out a week before everyone else was required to so that you could spend time with your family. the games weren't anywhere near where you had grown up, but lia had never been to south dakota, so you booked a weekend trip.

"there is so much space," lia said as she stared out the car window. the two of you were in the back of your parents' trusted minivan. it had been in the family since you were young, and had been the faithful transport of you and your siblings, and now your siblings' kids.

"it's kind of nice. london really makes me miss it out here," you told her. lia hummed as she turned and grabbed onto your hand. your homesickness had been an issue for the past two season. you had nearly left because of it before lia reminded you that eventually you'd get to go back home, but you might not get to come back to arsenal if you ended your contract early.

"granny's got the whole family at the house, by the way. i told her to give you a day to rest, but she knows you won't be here long," your dad warned you. there was nothing more that you expected from your grandmother. you were the only grandchild who moved more than an hour and a half away, and she missed you like crazy.

"it's fine dad, i got a monster at the airport, and i'm sure that uncle craig brought coffee," you said. at that, your dad laughed, his brother's coffee being a running joke in the family. it was strong to the point of being nearly undrinkable, and yet, the man put cup after cup of it down every single day.

lia seemed a bit lost on the joke, but you were more than happy to fill her in. you were always scared of rambling, so you rarely let yourself go on like you were. lia deserved a bit of a warning, not having really dealt with a true midwestern family before. everybody would agree on clearing out by 8:30, and the last scragglers would most likely hang around until the early hours of the morning.

"this is where you grew up?" lia asked as she pointed at the large house in front of you. since you had left, your parents had added onto the house quite a bit. there were things that you had helped to fund, as had all of your siblings. that house had been in your family for three generations, and none of you were going to let it go to someone else or be torn down.

"yeah, it didn't look like this, but pretty much. come on, let me show you my room!" you excitedly raced up the stairs with your bags. lia followed you, just barely able to keep up.

your room looked exactly like it had when you left it two seasons ago. you had played at the reign before transferring to arsenal, but before that, you had been a husky. washington had been your home away from your parents' place, and your bedroom reflected that. even before you had left for college, you had dreamt of a purple jersey of your own in the shops.

"the bed will be a bit cramped, but we should be fine. just, keep your hands to yourself, my mom has a sixth sense for that sort of thing," you warned lia. she nodded as she took everything in. you made a place for her things and then hopped back to lay on your bed. lia stood there for a moment before joining you, glad to be able to relax for a moment.

the two of you barely got to lay there for a minute before you were called down for dinner. lia looked confused about where to sit until you plopped yourself down at the kids' table. you were more than happy to sit with your younger cousins, nieces, and nephews. in your eyes, that was always the most fun table with their little games and stories.

lia tried to sit with you, but unsurprisingly, your sister pulled her away to the 'hen table' as you had grown up hearing it. you watched as they questioned lia at first. she seemed nervous, but visibly kept calm which you were impressed by. most of your girlfriends from before had run off after a good questioning from your granny and sister-in-law.

"do you kiss that lady?" nicholas, your little brother's son, asked you.

"sometimes, i do. it's a pretty big deal, she's the princess of switzerland," you told him. as if she heard the nickname, lia's head whipped around to look at you. you gave her a little finger wave before turning back to the kids' table antics.

it wasn't for another couple of hours that you got a moment alone with lia. she seemed to be very popular with your family, which you appreciated. most of the time, someone always hated whoever you brought home. you had counted on either your sister-in-law or one of your uncles not approving, but they seemed to love her the most.

"you picked a good one, chicky," your older brother said as he pulled you in for a hug. "i don't know how you pulled her, but i'm glad you did. i'd put a ring on it if i was you."

"shh, don't scare her off," you hissed as you swatted at him.

"hey, don't let her slip away. that's all i'm saying," he told you. he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and then left. his words were bouncing around in your head as you helped your parents get the kids who stayed over to bed. lia had headed up for a shower before you, so you hoped that she'd still be awake by the time you got up there.

"i didn't know you had such a big family," lia said. there was nothing behind it, just an observation. you knew that a lot of your teammates would be surprised when your whole family showed up at your game in washington. "do you think you'll come back here when you retire?"

"that's always been the plan," you told her. lia hummed as she pulled you to lay on top of her. "i'd be willing to change that for you."

"i don't want you to change that for me. if you'd let me, i'd like to come back here with you. this is a good place to raise a family."

"is that something you really want with me?" you asked her. lia nodded, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"of course it is. now, let's get some rest because i believe i was promised a tour of the farm in the morning," lia said. you chuckled at that, knowing exactly the amount of free labor your dad got from having people "tour the farm."

[sl8yter]

3005 - Mühl

Don’t drink when you have an inexplicable yearning for your bestfriend.

Nika Muhl x Fem Reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stood underneath the basket in the huskies gym. Lost in a daze as a familiar Croation girl was practicing her form. Her concentration left a mark in between her eyebrows and her lips slightly pursed. You had been thinking about how tough two had first met. Starting off as roommates who would speak maybe every other day to doing everything together. When you first started talking to Nika as a friend instead of a roomie, you had acknowledged the girls very obvious beauty. The way her eyes shined when the sun hit them, how whenever she was frustrated her accent would be more pronounced in every syllable, and how she was incredible person and an even better athlete.

Your fall for her was quick and without warning as you had begun to notice the way your body would involuntarily heat up with the smallest contact. Not to mention whenever she was just a little closer to you your heart would pick up and you could hear the blood flowing within you. Without your noticing Nika had stopped when she had realized your out of touch look.

“Hey are you okay?” Concern laced throughout her words.

“Yea sorry I zoned out.” Your response not convincing her as she started her walk towards you giving you a small smile. As she walked closer to the rim, she took out her ponytail and began to talk

“Are you sure? we can go, I was practically done anyways.”

“Sorry, I’m just not feeling a hundred percent today” Not lying but not being completely honest, the feeling of boredom from just catching Nikas rebounds was starting to get to you. You also just wanted an excuse to retreat to your dorm as it was starting to get late and you had an essay due later in the week.

“It’s okay, plus I know you have that paper due soon. Can we go out after you’re done. I kinda wanna get drunk tonight.” She smiles at you with a large grin at her last few words. Her eyes comparable to a puppies.

“I dont know Niks, I kinda just wanna stay in tonight.” Your response causing her to lock you into a tight hug, she moves you side to side as she began to yell please a million times over. Her grasp unrelenting until another girl clad in a UConn practice jersey walked over.

“Twin can you like stop making out with (yn) in the gym, thanks.” Paige spoke as she peeled Nika off of your body. Your face a slight hue of pink due to the hug and Paiges statement.

“See, look at her, poor girl.” She continues to point out the spread across your cheeks. All Paige ever did was tease you about Nika. She was a very observant girl, a skill acquired from years of basketball, so she was quick to deduce that you had a major crush on Nika. Faster than you were able to in fact.

She had offered to put in good word for you and try to “gas you up” to her. But you had declined in fear of rejection. All her past relationships were with men so why would that change now was your mindset.

“Ughh, she doesnt want to go out tonight, and I wanted her-”

“Youre going out tonight. Were actually all going out tonight. I know you have major FOMO too so boom I win.” Paige quickly cuts Nika off.

“Thats actually so unfair. What time?” You ask rolling your eyes, as you can feel a small smile move its way onto your face.

“9, Nikas driving since she offered, be at my dorm by 8:30.” Paige quickly finishes as her coach, Geno, walked into the gym area. Saying her quick goodbyes as she went to follow him.

“See this is why Paige is my twin, cause she always manages to convince you to go out with me.” Nika says smiling at you as she dragged you both out of the gym.

“Thats unfair Niks you know I cant say no to group events.”

“Well thats your fault you should already know to never say no to me.”

“How toxic of you. I dont know how I manage being roommates with such an evil girl.” You joke as she unlocks her car.

“Please, you love this evil girl. I see the way you look at me.”

You scoff at her reply, internally however, your heart racing in your chest. The last few words were dancing on the line of serious and playful banter.

A sudden laugh from her eases your heart however as you look out the window searching the tree line for seemingly nothing. Missing the look she gives you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“WHO WANTS SHOTS?” A drunked Paige shouts right next to your ear as she looks over your shoulder to see a good portion of her teammates. You recoil from the loud shouting, to be honest you don’t even remember arriving.

You look around the bar in search of Nika who had been missing for the better part of the meet. You remember her saying she was going to go the bathroom. In good will you started to make your way towards the bathroom hoping she wasn’t in there dying from what felt like a couple of hundred shots Paige had made the both of you down earlier.

“Yo (yn) wait” The same blonde stops you, gripping your shoulder and harshly turning you around. The alcohol seemed to make her forget her own strength as she quickly patted the area she grasped.

“Drink this, trust me.” She said as she handing you a long shot filled with a clear alcohol.

“What is it?” You pondered familiar with the looks of it, but with Paige you wouldn’t chance it knowing how much she wanted you to confront Nika about your feelings.

“Just trust me, okay? You’ll be more open with her I promise. And if it goes south, then you can take another and you wont even remember how embarrassed you are.” She answered your question with full confidence

Taking turns looking at Paige and the shot, not knowing if it was the alcohol that you had downed earlier finally kicking in or Paiges convincing smile, you had downed the shot quickly recoiling when it had burned.

“Fuck Paige, what is this?” You ask her as your face involuntarily scrunches

“Everybody’s favorite, Everclear” she laughs as she began to push you in the direction of the bathroom. When you had finally reached the door, she had pushed you in, giving you a small smile and thumbs up before locking the door from the inside and quickly retreating. From the outside Paige had found an out of service sign and promptly put it infront of the door before heading back to her teammates table, all while giggling to herself about playing cupid.

From inside the somehow empty bathroom you heard slight hiccups and a sniffle.

“Nika? Is that you?” You ask even though you knew it couldn’t be anyone else.

A few shuffles later from the other side of the large stall, the door opens and reveals a disheveled Nika, who very obviously had too much to drink.

“Take me to yours please” She stumbled out of the stall, collapsing into your arms as she put her full weight on to you. Her body was on fire, you could feel the warmth radiating from off her, it almost felt good if she wasn’t slick with sweat. Her head rested upon your shoulder as you took her back into the big stall, you walking forward as she walked backwards to which she rose her head and looked at you confused.

“I cant right now, Paige made me drink another shot and I can feel it in my legs.” You explained, you would of drove both of you home by now if you didn’t feel a fuzziness erupting from your lower half.

Nika released a big sigh before leaning herself against the wall and sliding down to sit with her head laid back against the wall and her legs fully extended.

“Sit with me” She had demanded without even looking up

“Yea no, that floors dirty.” The alcohol had you speaking without fixing your tone as you came off a little harsh.

“I don’t care I want you to sit with me.” Nika picked her head up as it was heavy to look up at you. The way the light had hit her eyes made them shine in a way that softened you. Without a fuss, you had begun to kneel down to sit next to her without even realizing. Her smile as your back rested against the wall made the grimy floor somewhat bearable.

“You make me feel so full” Nika blurbed out. Her cheeks dusted with a sheen of pink that complimented her tan.

“Mhm, remind me not to let you drink next time we go out.” You replied jokingly, if she had said that comment earlier when you were sober you might’ve exploded on the spot. Luckily the drink had calmed your demeanor and even made you a little braver.

“Actually, you know, like when im with other people. Its different. Empty, you know. Even with people im interested in, they never make me feel the way you do.” The way she stumbled over her words tugged strings in your heart.

“Who like your ex? Obviously Niks, he was kind of an ass”

She chuckles at the thought of her past lover and your obvious distaste for him. Sure he wasn’t that horrible but he only did the bare minimum. And for some reason Nika could never explain unless she was under the influence, whenever he or anybody, would fuck up her first thought was to compare them to you.

“Yea, but everything’s different when it comes to you” She said in a hushed voice, her eyes never moving off of yours. Instinct from basketball or not you relished in her undivided attention. It made you dizzy.

“In what way?” You asked, discreetly shuffling yourself a little closer to her body.

“Fuck everybody but you.” Her response made you smile. Here you were sitting with a drunken Nika who was trying so hard to explain herself to you.

“Fuck em?” You laughed out, her sudden brazen attitude towards the world surprised you. For somebody so level headed like her, she seemed like a teenager trying to find her way.

“Fuck em” She clarified while grabbing your hand. Given, she was usually touchy with you. But it felt different this time. The warmth of her hand had lit a possibility. Taking your chance, you interlocked your fingers with hers, taking your eyes off of her for a moment to fully take in the occasion. The way her hands were mostly soft except for some calluses entranced you. You used your other hand to trace her own. Slowly you felt her slump her head on to your shoulder. Her scent was overwhelming, invading your brain until all you could think of was her and nothing else. Nika was all that mattered.

She looked at you through her eyelashes prompting you to move your head ever so slightly to lock eyes with her.

Maybe it was the alcohol or the way you could smell her perfume but the way she was looking at you in this moment was unmistakable. It was the same look Paige would use to describe you looking at her. But she had slowly sat up, she was close enough that you could feel every little exhale against your face. It was a strange feeling, it felt so weird yet so right. Maybe it was the fear of your friendship breaking that made you turn to look straight ahead. But that feeling was quickly shut down when Nika had softly grabbed the side of your face, with her non dominant hand, making you look at her. Her touch felt like fire against your skin.

“Youre so pretty” Her sudden compliment made you feel even warmer. All her actions made you float. Youre head felt dizzy as you involuntarily looked at her soft plump lips as she spoke once again. Youre throat was dry, opening your mouth to try and talk but she quickly covered your mouth before you could speak.

“I wanna be by your side, but only of you’ll have me” Her confession makes you freeze in your spot, making you quickly sober up. You had started to smell the lingering alcohol that tinged her breath. As much as you would like to accept her confession, she was drunk. You doubted she would remember what she said in the heat of the moment. As your stuck in your thoughts, you feel your head moving down and see her features getting closer.

You stick your hand in between the two of you. Making Nika place her lips against the inside of your hand.

“Youre drunk Niks, let’s talk about this in the morning.” You managed to speak, regretting your actions however as Nika quickly stood up and with glossy eyes she managed to say in a broken voice

“This is so embarrassing, can we just forget I said anything. I don’t wanna lose you as a friend” She looked at you as you followed her up, you grabbed her hands, gently rubbing her knuckles as you assured her

“No, Nika I promise you I want you too. I just cant while you’re drunk. Youre so beautiful and amazing, trust me I want to kiss you so bad, I just cant while you’re drunk. Pretty bad huh, I got an amazing woman trying to kiss me and I refuse” You quickly joke hoping to put her at ease.

She stood there for a second before a small smile appeared with an even smaller tear cascading down her round flushed cheeks.

“Super bad” She replied as she put her arms against your shoulders, leaning her forehead against yours. Swiftly, you pressed a chaste kiss against her cheek before pulling her impossibly closer and hiding your face in her brown hair.

She laughed at your child like behavior but she couldn’t complain since she had longed for a tight hug filled with compassion from you. She didn’t even know she needed it until now. She felt a wave of tiredness wash over her as she whispered in your ear.

“Take me home please. Stay with me tonight”

“Of course”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had blinked and suddenly had woken up with a familiar weight on top of you. Nika was acting like koala on your side as one of her legs lay across your belly and her arm across your front assuring her grip on you. Guessing from the fact that you both laid on the still made bed, you had both crashed as soon as you made it to Nika’s dorm.

With careful wiggling, you had managed to shimmy Nikas arm off of you as you decided to get up and try to surprise her with a good start to her day, a full breakfast. When you tried to lift her leg off of your stomach, she quickly parried by instead straddling you giving you a quick drowsy smile before leaning down to hide her face in the crook of your neck.

“Goodmorning” Her muffled voice vibrated against the skin of your neck, inadvertently making you smile.

“Goodmorning” You said while you wrapped your arms around her back, gently tracing shapes along it.

“So?” She asked

“So what”

“So wheres my kiss” She said trying to be brave but failing as you could feel her lips dance their way up your nape and to your jaw. Not even kissing, just grazing, which somehow made it feel even better.

She stopped right before she touched the corner of your lips to give a loving yet cautious look to ask for permission.

“I didn’t even get a chance to brush my teeth and you wanna kiss me. Just tell me how bad you want me Niks”

A soft giggle erupted from her as she smiled widely and slid off of your body and off of the bed. Her warmth quickly leaving you wanting for more.

“Youre right, I’ll show you after you’re done.” She said as she walked away, her body language very obviously taunting you as she left you in the empty bed.

Sitting up, you chased after her to find her with a toothbrush in her mouth and waving a new toothbrush package in the air before throwing it at you.

“Eager are we?” You tease her, she rolls her eyes at your comment before rinsing out her mouth and standing behind you as you applied toothpaste to your own toothbrush.

“Im gonna make coffee. I wanna talk more about last night” She told you before kissing your cheek and walking off.

You watched her leave in the mirror, admiring her back profile before finishing up your small task. As you walked into the open kitchen the smell of coffee beans hit your nose and one hell of a view hit your eyes. Nika was pouring 2 cups of coffee, one for you and one for her. It was something that you had seen before as you and the Croatian have had countless sleepovers but never in this context. It was something that you could definitely get use to seeing more often.

Walking up to the counter, you grabbed both mugs before heading into the living area and setting them on the coffee table in front of her couch. You turned on the TV and put on the news to a lowered volume setting for some background noise. For some odd reason you were nervous. Your heart was beating a little faster than usual. Even though you already knew what she was gonna say, she liked you. Right?

“Listen about last night.” Nika had started off as she walked around the small table to sit adjacent to you. Your legs touching as she slid closer.

“I like you, like really like you.” Her pronounced really made her accent come out stronger than usual. Her face was serious and her hands were clasped as she looked down at her mug filled with a light brown coffee. She was just as nervous as you were which put you at ease.

“I really like you too Niks. I wanna be with you too. Can I ask you something?” Her demeanor was more relaxed now as you were completely honest with her. A smile plastered across her face at the reciprocated feelings.

“Anything” She had answered

“When did you start liking me?” You had wanted to know since last night. The question was tugging at you. You had wanted to know how much time you had wasted being friends when you could have been in each others arms.

“I dont know the exact time I really realized. But I knew when I just couldnt stop thinking of you, day or night. Even in my dreams you would be there. I would compare everybody to you. You were my standard. Eventually I just realized I wanted to be with you.” She says before taking a sip of her hot drink. Her earnest tone made you go crazy. She was confessing her love for you, it wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t a delusion, it was real life and it felt so good.

“Mhm” was all you could reply with. You were afraid that if you did speak an actual word you would end up being too loud out of pure happiness.

“What about you when did you start liking me.” She had asked back. You looked down at the table for your own cup, grabbing it and watching the way the liquid would sway with every little movement.

“One day, a while back near the start of spring, I forget what I was doing but I felt sad. I felt like it should have been the two of us there. I forgot whatever I was doing, but I never forgot the feeling of missing you. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. Then when I got back to my dorm, you were there waiting for me, already watching a movie and finishing off the last of my snacks. If it were anybody else I probably would of gotten mad, but then you got up and ran to hug me and asked where I had been and at that moment I felt a warmth. Like the kind that you get when you hug somebody you care for but it was multiplied by 100” You hadnt looked at her your entire speech. You set back down the coffee without even taking a sip. You just needed the focus on something else so you could speak your mind freely. Putting your attention back on Nika you noticed a look you had seen before. The same level of concentration she had while on the court except instead of a fierceness it held a soft look. As if she was taking in every feature across your face and engraving it into her soul.

“Can I kiss you?” She had asked, you smiled at her politeness, before nodding. Without a second between she had quickly leaned forward to press her lips against yours. Slowly, you moved your lips against hers. Taking in the softness of her lips and how she tasted like coffee. Not breaking the kiss, she had sat herself onto your lap as her arms wrapped around your neck ensuring you wouldn’t be able to back out this time. Not that you would.

Your hands found her waist. Firm from constant practice and conditioning, you started to grip her sides with your hands while also pulling her forward making sure your chests were flush against each other. Nika let out a soft groan as she opened her mouth, her nose brushing against your cheek as she went to hide her face in your nape, prompting you to kiss against hers. You kissed up and down her neck, her breath had fastened and she started to get louder in your ear. Her sounds made you grip her even harder as you opened your mouth slightly, you started nipping her. Making sure to leave faint purple and red marks across it. Nika had started to slightly grind on your body, erupting a feeling deep within your stomach before a sudden alarm went off on her phone making her quickly turn around to check it.

“Fuck!” She had yelled, extremely frustrated as she had hopped off your lap.

Stunned for a moment at the fact that your guys session had comed to an abrupt end. You stood up asking her what was wrong. Following her into her room as she threw some items from the drawers into her bag.

“I forgot today was Tuesday, im so so so sorry, I have practice today. Geno will kill me if I dont show up on time” She said quickly before heading back out of the room and grabbing her keys off of the kitchen counter.

“Please please please, be here when I get back.”

“So we can..?” You asked, you wanted to joke with her so she could see the irony in the situation, that and the fact she seemed incredibly stressed out over her coach and being late to practice.

“So we can pick up where we left off obviously. You have a weird thing for getting me to say that I want you.” She laughed as she stood in the door way.

“I just love hearing you say it. Sounds good” You smiled at her, admiring the way her hair was slightly frizzy and how pretty she was even with a bare face. If she wasn’t a basketball star she could have easily been a model.

“Okay, ill make sure to tell you just how much I want you when I get back, but you gotta be here babe” She had begun to tease you back, after giving a chuckle at her remark, she stole a quick kiss from you before walking down the dorm buildings hallway.

“I’ll be here, don’t take too long Mühl” You had said down the hallway. She turned around, and suddenly started bolting down the hallway. You didn’t even have a second to react before she kissed you in front of her dorm.

“I don’t know I suddenly feel kinda sick. Im going to text Geno that im going to get the doctor to treat me. Go to the bed. Ill be there in a second.”

Without saying a word, you swiftly turned around and made your way down the dorm and turned into Nikas large room. Sitting on her bed before hearing the door close.

“Yea, im going to see a doctor sorry Coach, yea her name is Dr. (yln). I will, thanks bye.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay W ending once again. Going to write the 2nd part to this later. Maybe post it in 2-3 days. This was my longest post yet brudda.

Send in some requests pretty please. Im out of ideas and had writers block before pushing this baby out at like 1 AM 🙏.

Also W you if you got the multiple references in this fic.

[ratlikeclown]

WIP Wolverine x femReader 18+

“God, do you ever suck on anything other than Wade’s dick and cheap cigars?”

He leaned in close to your ear and growled,

“Ya lookin to find out Princess?”

x Deadpool kinda eventually lmfaoooo

FemY/n is mid 20’s - early 30’s

Tw for depression and like drug use mentions ig

🌶️🫵

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Hello 👋 This is the first fanfic that I have written in over 10 years the brain rot is so unbelievably real for wolverine and deadpool rn

its a little embarrassing tbh lmfaoo

—————————

I’m not really sure how to tag this tbh. I’ve never posted on tumblr. . It’s a little spicy and will get more interesting later. I just wanted to toss this small part out for readers to test the waters. Anyway um I’m not experienced writing y/n pov so please be nice.

Your friend, Wade Wilson, couldn’t take no for an answer. You knew that and yet you still had the audacity to tell him ‘no’ three times tonight. And about thirty minutes after you ignored his last phone call there he was, practically knocking down your door. It wasn’t like he couldn’t actually kick in your door, he was just being polite. 

The apartment buzzer went off. You sat up from your position on the couch, hoping he’d just give up and leave if you didn’t acknowledge him. Like a stray cat. Or a crackhead.

“Knock knock~” you heard his voice through the door. “I smell Hot Pockets and sadness I know you’re in there”

Gripping the arm of the sofa you waited hoping he’d have the common courtesy fuck off .You heard the door knob rattle. Dumbass.

With a click of the lock, your door swung open revealing Wade, grinning as he shoved his Baby Knife back into his coat.

“Wade, what the fuck? I told you-“

He clapped his hands loudly, interrupting you.

 “Let’s go Funshine Bear, the nights young and I’m not going anywhere without you” Wade marched past you, straight to your bedroom humming to himself.

“You look awful by the way, we’ll fix you up though.” He clicked his tongue and crooked a finger in your direction. You huffed angrily, sliding off the couch to follow him. 

You stopped in the doorway, almost refusing to step inside. He was elbows deep in your closet drawers, throwing clothes onto your bed, muttering his disapproval at every item he tossed.

You crossed your arms as you watched him. 

“Do you have anything that doesn’t look like you took it from the Walmart dumpster?” He pulled a drawer out from the dresser and dumped it on the floor. “You know the one I’m talking about, right? Where all the coke addicted bronies go to have a bone sess before band practice.”

You crossed your arms as you watched him. “Wade, I’m not in the mood to go out.”

You heard him sigh, but continued to riffle through your things. 

“That’s nonsense, the plot can’t continue with out you. Annnd we made these plans last week.”

He peeked at you from behind the open closet door. “I’m a little worried about you. You aren’t your chipper self lately”

“I’m just tired” You replied dismissively.

It wasn’t like Wade hasn’t been trying to cheer you up in his own way. For the last few weeks he’d text you obscure and quite frankly disturbing memes at 3 AM. Excitedly offer you drugs that he’s pilfered from the his blind roommate- (he knows you don’t do drugs, he just wanted to brag about stealing coke from Blind Al)

He’s also been sending you the strangest X-Men fan fiction. (His favorites were ‘old man yaoi’ including Professor Xavier and Magneto) Usually you eat that kind of stuff up, finding it funny that you knew some of the people that the fanfiction was written about, like a private joke between you and Deadpool. But worst thing he’s done has beencalling you almost every day and attempting to make plans with you, but you always seem to cancel last minute. So yeah, he has been trying. It just.. didn’t help.

Your eyes flickered to your wall of photos next to the closet door.  Pictures of your closest friends and family. Their arms around you laughing, smiling. Pictures of trips and silly outings that meant the world to you. You felt so much guilt and regret looking at them.

Depression was a bitch. It was like a rabid dog that wouldn’t let you get back on your feet. You felt it gnawing at you, causing you to lose interest in everyone and everything. You felt alone. Your eyes fell back to Wade, you watched your friend hard at work trying to match your shoes with a dress he had found. He was clueless. You couldn’t tell him any of this though, it would just make him worry more.

There was someone you did want to talk to though. To tell everything to. Someone that you had grown so close to the last few months.

You missed Logan.

This realization caused your face to heat and anxiety weld up in your chest. You balled your hands into fits thinking about that arrogant jerk. You’ve tried to be a friend to Wolverine. After all this wasn’t his reality. He was your timeline’s replacement. (Idk you should go watch the movie. I’m not explaining it.) and for a while, you thought you were friends.

Lately, if he wasn’t drunk and depressingly moody, he was angry and a massive dick. 

“Y/N? Look a little pink at the cheeks are you feeling OK?” Wade was now standing less than a foot from you, his brows furrowed. You hadn’t noticed him move.

Snapping back from your thoughts by Wades voice, you ran hands over your face as you turn towards the attached bathroom.

“Dude, I told you I’m just not feeling good-” You stepped into the bathroom and turned on the faucet “I don’t wanna hang out with-“

“Logan?”

“Your friends.” You finished. You felt your face flush deeper at his name being mentioned.

“That’s what I said” Wade followed you to the bathroom, but thankfully didn’t come in. He stood outside while you closed the door. 

“Trust me honey, I know he’s the embodiment of a sentient happiness starved cactus whose father never loved him but-“

You groaned, trying to avoid Wades ramblings you turned the water on full blast, drowning out the remainder of his sentence. You splashed water on your face and ran a comb through your hair. You heard Wade continue talking, almost to himself while also sounding like he was talking to someone else in the room  as well. Someone you couldn’t see. He did that often. It was creepy.

You swung the door open frowning.

“-sometimes he stabs me through the face to shut me up, but I know he does it because he’s not good with words.”

Wade smile faded when he saw your face. 

“It’s kinda hot”

“I don’t want to talk about it Wade.” You sat down onto your bed with a huff despite the pile of clothes and plastic hangers. You stared at your hands. You felt the overwhelming weight of your anxiety in your chest and stomach. Maybe you should go out. Maybe he won’t show up tonight. Maybe-

“You look like you wanna talk about it Friendo.”

Wade joined you by dramatically pushing all the clothes off the bed, making an even bigger mess of your room. He flopped down onto your bed stomach first, propping himself up by his elbows. He kicked his feet and smiled at you.

“I’m all ears.”

“I don’t know how to start” You admitted.

“Start with an ‘I feel’ statement” 

Another sigh escaped your mouth. How did you feel? It felt complicated. You met him a few months ago. At first he was rude and closed off. Then he slowly began to open up, sure you still bickered and fought like cats, but it had playful undertones. (‘Sexy undertones’ Wade had joked) When he was being genuine and open, it felt like you could talk to him for hours. Though he never spoke for too long, he would to listen to you earnestly. Up until a few weeks ago, that is.

“I feel like Logan hates me. I feel like he would rather huff paint thinner than have a decent conversation with me.”

Wade laughed. “Well that’s not true, I can’t get him to huff anything.”

You shot him a look.

“Listen, I invite Mr. Grumpy out every time. But he’s too busy sulking to get fucked up with us. He would rather get drunk and pass out in the floor of the apartment. He probably won’t even show up.” Wade gave you a reassuring look.

“If he does you’re gonna be there with me. We’ll leave if you feel uncomfortable at all.”

He rolled over and sat up, putting an arm around you.

“I’ve just noticed your mood lately I need you to know that I love you.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze.  “-and I miss getting fucked up with you.”

“Will you stab him for me if he’s mean?”

“Of course. I always have Baby Knife on me.”

“Fine. Let me get ready”

He jumped off the bed excitedly.

You pushed Wade out the door to get dressed, pausing in the doorway. “Wade?”

“Yes Friendo?” He turned on his heel

“I love you too bud”

He squealed as you closed the door.

~~~

You never understood why Wade wouldn’t just buy a car. He makes decent money (he doesn’t) and could probably afford a nice one. (He couldn’t) At one point you recall him having a weird hyperfixation with the Honda Odyssey (he fucked Wolverine in one) (allegedly)

Instead, you were climbing into the back of a dirty beat up taxi cab that his friend, Dopinder, drove for a living. At least you didn’t have to walk. Dopinder was a sweet guy, if not a little unhinged every once in a while. 

“You look quite beautiful tonight Miss Y/N” He complimented you as you settled in the back seat. You smiled at him, appreciating the comment. Wade had picked out your dress and you felt a little exposed and out of your element in it. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a slick black dress with a low neck line. The dress was short, ending a little above the knee. The problem was the slit up the side. You wanted to wear tights under the outfit but Wade insisted on fishnets. ‘You look like a goth baddie’  he had assured you, ‘Like a Hot Topic clearance rack version of Morticia Addams.’

Wade hopped in the front and immediately started to flip through the radio channels. Dopinder usually had on pleasant sounding Indian pop music but Wade settled on some heavily censored 90’s hip hop. 

The drive was rocky. Wade, who almost never kept his hands to himself, would grab poor  Dopinder while dancing along to the music causing the cab to swerve. A lot.

Having made it to the bar in one piece, you quickly scrambled out of the back, thanking the young man for the ride. 

Wade waited for you at the door.

~~~

The bar was loud and dark. One of those typical bars you see in movies, filled with moving bodies and cigarette smoke. Music pumped through the speakers with some people lingering near the bar while others swayed on the dance floor. Wade bounced through the crowd pulling you along towards the bar, where his group of friends took up half the bar area. You scanned the crowd nervously. No Logan. Your muscles relaxed, and you moved with a little more energy.

Wade greeted his friends with various enthusiastic greetings and crude gestures. You smiled in greeting and waved at a friend you recognized but sat down on a stool next to where Wade stood, him blocking you from most of the other bar patrons. There was a part of you that was a little disappointed that Logan wasn’t here. It made sense if he didn’t show up here, this bar was honestly more like a club, upbeat and energetic. He’s used to dark depressing dive bars, places you can drink yourself into a coma and not be bothered. But the few times he had shown up here you had thought that he enjoyed your company, for a little while at least. During times when the others were off doing dubious shit somewhere, he’d sit with you at the bar. You even managed to get him to dance with you once. That all changed recently. Something happened that caused him to be distant and often rude for seemingly no reason.

Everyone seems to be so happy to see Wade and he, them. You didn’t really know why you were here. It already felt overwhelming. You used to love coming here. Drinking and dancing, playing pool badly and belting out shitty country music karaoke with everyone. Lately, things have felt different. You’ve lost interest in a lot of the things you use to enjoy, spending your days just working and rotting in your apartment. This was too much.

Wade touched your shoulder causing you to jump.

“Hey we’re off to play some darts you in?” 

You smiled at your friend. “You really wouldn’t want me to play, you’d end up as the dart board.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time Sweetheart” Wade laughed, “we’ll be over there if you change your mind.” He made a heart with his hands and turned toward the group already making their way to the play area.

You sat quietly at the counter with a glass of something sweet and strong. You wanted to feel a buzz but you needed it to taste good. Your eyes scanned the crowd, people watching. You watched people dance and sway to the newest Kesha song blaring through the speakers. You witnessed a near fight over a pool game. You heard Wade’s laughter from across the room, his friends echoing along. You felt alone. It was your fault you told yourself. If you wanted to feel better you would’ve gotten up and joined your friends. But here you sat, being miserable on purpose. 

“Hey beautiful, mind if I joined you?” Your head snapped up meeting the face of someone you didn’t recognize. He was good looking, in a vanilla frat boy kinda way. With his backwards hat, sleeveless tank, skinny jeans and all.

But he smiled like a wolf.

“I’m sorry.” You tried to smile politely, but you had a twinge of anxiety growing in your chest. “I’m not really in the mood for company” 

The man smiled motioning to the bartender for a drink. “Can’t I just buy you a drink? “

“Really, I’m fine” You turned back to your drink, your eyes unfocused, hoping that if you just ignored him he’d leave. Your gut flipped when you heard him pull out the stool next to you. He wasn’t leaving.

“Come on babe, I can show you a good time”

“She said she ain’t looking for company bub.” A low voice growled behind you. A beer bottle came down heavily in between you and the creep. Your eyes trailed the hairy but beautifully sculpted arm to its owner, though you already knew who it belonged to. Logan. Even in this lighting you could see his rugged face. His hair was styled in its iconic cat ear shape. His beard was trimmed nicely combined with his thick muttonchops. His eyes were a little hazy but beautiful and dark. You met those eyes for a brief moment, he smirked at you before his gaze flickered to the other man.

 “Well?” He rumbled, barring his teeth.

“Naw, I was here first grandpa, you fuck off.” The frat guy stood up straight, trying to look intimidating.

“Trust me” Logan chuckled. He straightened cracking his knuckles before raising his fists and extending three razor sharp Adamantium claws from each hand.

“You don’t want none of this”

~~~

“You didn’t have to do that” you looked down at your glass avoiding Logan’s gaze. You heard him land heavily in the bar stool next to you. He tapped the counter signaling the bartender who was very clearly avoiding your side of the bar.

“I wasn’t going to have some limp dick creeping on you.”

“I was handling it” 

“You didn’t seem like you were handling anything Princess.” He scoffed.

You shot him a look. He smirked as he chugged his remaining beer, you couldn’t help watch his throat bob as he drank. He finished and loudly set the bottle down. He met your eyes and you looked away feeling your face heat violently.

“You thirsty princess?” He asked as the bartender set down two shots of something before scurrying away. He slid one glass your way.

“No thank you. I have my own drink”

You pushed the glass back his way. He eyed your almost empty cocktail and shrugged.

“Suit yourself” he took the glasses and knocked back both shots simultaneously slamming the glasses back down. After a few moments of silence, where you clearly felt Logan eyeing you the entire time, you sighed.

“I didn’t think I’d see you tonight Logan.” You admitted. Another beer had appeared in front of him, he took a swig. He eyed you, his eyes slowly trailing from your face down your body. They rested at the slit in your dress, exposing most of your fishnet covered thigh. You felt a ping in your lower belly, causing you to cross your legs uncomfortably. His eyes followed to movement. He licked his lips and met your eyes again smirking.

“Why didja miss me?”

You looked down at the growing piles of shredded napkins you had been anxiously ripping apart. 

“Yes” you said at last. There was no point in lying. You did miss him. Even seeing him now, clearly drinking away his problems, you couldn’t help but feel glad he was there with you. You were glad he scared away that creep, despite his now passive aggressive demeanor. You met his eyes again.

He snorted and tipped the beer to his lips.“You’re a fucking liar”

You felt your gut squeeze with anger. Why was he treating you this way? You didn’t ask him to step in to a play hero. You didn’t ask him for anything. You just wanted to get out of your shitty apartment for one goddamn night. You balled your fists and spun to face him fully.

“What. The. Fuck.” You clenched your teeth annunciating each word bitterly. “Is. YOUR PROBLEM”

“My PROBLEM,” he practically spat the word,

”is that I have to deal with your moody ass attracting the eye of every fucking creep in this place when you very fucking clearly don’t want to be here.” 

You threw your hands up angrily and gestured around the bar. 

“I didn’t want to deal with any of this Logan. I just wanted to go out with my FRIENDS, which I used to think you were one. I don’t fucking know what prick you had up your ass lately, but you sure as hell don’t act like you like me. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

He was silent for a moment, studying your face, making it turn even redder. Then he laughed. He shook his head laughing and sloppily chugged his second beer.

You had enough. You needed to get away from him. You shoved yourself back, tipping the stool over in the process.

“Come find me when you figure out what you want.” You turned to leave. You made it a few steps before you heard Logan’s voice call mockingly.

“Nice dress by the way” 

You didn’t turn to look at him.

“Fuck you, Logan”

~~~

You ran your hands under cold water, leaning over the sink you splashed the water into your face and sighed. You looked into your mirrored face. This was a disaster.

Maybe if you just stayed in the bathroom you can avoid everyone until Wade was ready to leave. You felt bad that you ran off instead of finding him. You would’ve felt safe with Wade.

Your head was swimming, from the alcohol or the interaction with Logan you couldn’t tell.

The speaker above you crackled playing the opening notes to ‘Dirty Diana’, a favorite of yours. A banger Wade would say.

Without warning the door sung open and Logan stumbled in. 

“You’re in the wrong bathroom you drunk asshole” you snapped. His eyes met yours from a brief moment before he swayed slightly and took a step forward.

He pushed past you wordlessly and began kicking open the bathroom stalls. They were all empty. 

“Dude get out” You gripped the sink behind you, watching Logan warily. You knew deep down he wouldn’t hurt you but you obviously didn’t want him in here with you. He turned to you, taking a step forward.

”I needed to talk to you”

“Yeah, you could have waited til I got out of the ladies room??” 

“No.” he growled before in one swift movement he was in front of you, his arms on either side of the sink trapping you between them. Your breath came out in a shudder and your knees wobbled. This honestly was a thing out of a fantasy, something that you were embarrassed to admit you’ve thought about. You had been fighting your feelings for this big stupid man, stuck between thoughts of friendship and lust. God, he wasn’t helping with the latter.

“Logan”

“I’m sorry” he said looking as remorseful as he could under the circumstances.

“What did you need to talk about that couldn’t wait Lo?” You swallowed, gently lifting your hand and placing it on his chest, pushing lightly. His hands moved to your legs keeping you from pushing him further.

“Ya told me to find you when I figured out what I wanted”

“Yeah” You scoffed. “Enlighten me”

~~~

“I want you”

Logan leaned over you, his hands sliding up your thighs to rest on your hips. His fingers dug in lightly, the movement making your legs feel like jelly. You gripped his shoulders to steady yourself. He was so firm and warm under your hands.

His face was inches from yours, his expression unreadable in the low lighting. You smelled the smoke and alcohol on his breath.

“God, do you ever suck on anything other than Wade’s dick and cheap cigars?”

He leaned in close to your ear and growled, 

“Ya looking to find out princess?”

You felt a ping of desire sink into your lower belly as his hand moved from your waist.

Shivers went down your spine as his hands slid up your torso coming to a stop right below your breasts. One of his thumbs brushed upwards lightly, teasingly.

You sucked in a breath as he lowered his face to your neck and brushed a kiss to the sensitive skin. His facial hair tickling your jaw.

“Logan, you’re drunk.” You croaked out, pulling away slightly, your hands sliding from his shoulders. He moved with you.

You felt his lips brush your skin again, another kiss, before his thumb slid upward against your breast. Fuck. The wet heat between your legs was unbearable. You needed some sort of friction. You definitely noticed the pressure from his pants pressed against your stomach. So close, you just needed anything. You bucked your hips against his, almost involuntarily, causing a rumble to escape his throat. His thumb stroked again.

“That’s a good girl” His head bobbed lower dragging his tongue down as he kissed your neck. You could feel him smile as he sucked the skin of your collar bone in a way that would definitely leave a mark. Holy Hell. What was happening.

You were sick of your neck getting all the attention as you reached up to take his face in your hand. He practically melted at your touch, his breath hitching as you stroked his cheek with your thumb. You wanted him, needed his mouth on yours. You pulled his face up, a little roughly, to meet your gaze. You thought you heard him let out a little surprised chuckle from the movement. His eyes were half lidded as he met yours. He was drunk, and you realized, so were you. You leaned in, your lips feather light against his-

You jumped at Wade’s voice from the other side of the door, calling for you.

Shit. You dropped your hand away from his face.

Logan growled, low and angry. He abruptly took his hot hands from your body and leaned his head to your ear, you felt his lips against your skin.

“Some other time then, darlin’.” He pulled away from you swaying slightly, before grabbing his beer from the counter and yanking open the bathroom door.

~~~

Anyway, thanks for reading. I guess I don’t know if this is any good and I will be posting the rest on Ao3 eventually

[keelt9]

Chapter 4

Masterlist

It was the second time in a row my shoulder got stiff in the middle of a session. 

“Ok, let's take a time out.” Anton has been really patient with me, still I know some exercises must already be a piece of cake.

“It’s all right Y/N these exercises are the toughest ones, we are in a good time.” Liam knows this drill is helping me with my mobility and my muscle strengthening, still the stability and control in my shoulder is trouble.

5 days ago, we went through a very sentimental moment. Grabbing a bow was part of my daily routine; after I got injured, seeing a bow was odd. The effort you need for you to tighten the bowstring is around 20-30 kg; after I get injured I barely can rotate my shoulder without feeling a crashing sensation. The adrenaline that was running all over my body along my heart rate faster formed a smile on my face.

After that day, all passed in a blink. I felt I open and close my eyes, suddenly; in a week the coaches will come. 

“What about if you try now with an arrow?” Anton says, picking one of the arrows next to my stuff. Where was the part of taking it slow?

“We talked about it Y/N, you need to lose the fear and try again.” I move my head so I can observe Liam who keeps hiding at the back of Anton. 

“Don’t look at me.” Liam laughs and walks to stand at my left, just a few centimeters from me so he can grab the bow; without the sling, which is what keeps connecting the bow with my hand, it always comes out so someone must grab it. 

“Try it.” Anton closed my hand around the bow and nock the arrow.

I hear Liam in the middle of my faltering. “Steady, calm and breath.” I adopt the anchor position, I grip the bowstring and wait a second until my shoulder finds stability along my hand, in a blink the stiffness appears and disappears in seconds. When I get the right spot and my shoulder feels right, I let it go.

The electricity I feel as I hear the sound of the arrow pass through the bow is out of this world; my wrist remembers the followthrough movement, I end with a grind appearing in my face.

“Nice shot.” Anton claims watching the arrow hit the red circle. “8” 

My picky side knew with these conditions; no strong air, or gust, I always get 9 and 10, not 8 close to 7. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve done better.” Liam shakes his head as he disassembles the bow, still couldn’t hold his need of teasing me before leaving.

“Couldn’t agree more, you get me used to 10.” He giggles and pats my back. “I’ll take charge of this, take your time and go rest, that's enough for today.” He grabs all our stuff with Anton's help and leaves the room.

I start to take the tape out of my fingers; I always bandage my fingers even when I use the finger tab; it gives confidence knowing my fingers have a plus of protection, especially after not practicing for a little bit more than a year. 

However that last like 2 seconds because after hearing the pop of the door I heard it one more time, just in these case someone crash with me, hugging me as soon as can reaches me, one hand at the back of my neck and the other in the middle of my back, leaving me breathless for the impact.

“That…That was out of this world!” I recognize his fragrance and the difference of height. Max came out of nowhere.

“Where do you come from?” I put my hands at his back, having him near calms me. 

“I’ve been watching you from that window.” He turns around not to let me go, so I can see the window. “You've been amazing. I told you, didn't I?”

This time he let me go but still grabbed me by my arms softly. 

“A hazy reference.” I joke with him making his tongue click, the silence that follows, give me time to do what in these past weeks it’s been a habit, let his blue eyes bring me harmony.

The sound of people talking outside gets me back to the moment. “What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Belgium?” I move softly so we can split. 

“I am.” Max laughs and grabs his cap which I didn’t realize was laying on the floor. “Ok, I’ll be, I just have to make a quick stop…”

He stops talking, I move my head and encourage him to keep doing it. “For…” 

“I need a recharge.” I furrow my eyebrows.

“Recharge?” 

“I will spend 3 full days surrounded by the press, which sometimes drives me crazy, so I have to recharge… of soothing.” I’m lost.

“Where do you get that?” I ask him scoffing trying to put my hands on my waist, but he grabs one and helps me to take off the bandage of one of my fingers. 

“Am I allowed to show you?” This is weird, still I assent and he bites his lip before kissing forehead. “Just being here.”

He didn’t know, but that soft peck left a burning sensation on me.

-

“Since when have you watched F1?” Liam scares me when I hear him at my back.

“Damn it! You scare me.” I turn my phone down. “It’s early, what are you doing here?” 

Liam looks at me suspiciously. “The same as you. I want to arrive early.” 

Even though I have made a big progress, from time to time basic movements, exercise or releases turn it pretty bad.

“I’ll help you with that.” He sees the brown tape over my lap. 

“Yes, please.” Laim sits in front of me grabbing my hand and bandages my fingers.

“Are you going to tell me or I have to ask?” He calls for my attention who is already on the screen of my phone one more time.

“Hmm?” Liams shakes his head, still grabbing my hand but points to the T-shirt which is perking in my bag. “Oh, am, right, it's… It's a gift.” A quick answer.

“A strange shirt, watching F1, in the same city as the Red Bull Facilities.” Liams cuts the last piece of tape and sees right to my eyes. “Plus a cap in your apartment.” 

“Liam…” He interrupts me, a kind smile on his face.

“Just…just don't create something that could hurt you. Don't let someone create something that could hurt you, ok?” Max won't do that, but I know I would do that to myself. 

“We're here just for a while, in a few months we will be in home training for the competitions, all right?” I know he says that because is concerned and wants the best for me, still causing me an unpleasant sensation.

When we called a wrap, I grabbed my phone to see Max's answer. <Call anytime> He is now in Zandvoort and in three days he has his home race. 

I'm not sure calling him knowing the press is surrounding him, and I’m feeling anxious is a good idea.

<Y/N! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!> Mia's message makes me laugh, she is so convinced that I’m worried about nothing.

I stretch my shoulder, maybe I panic but these days I feel the sensation of stiffness coming back and not leaving. I did some stretches a couple of times until the stiff disappeared.

“Try to rest ok? I’ll pick you tomorrow morning.” Liam squeezed my left arm. “Everything is going to be fine.” I just press my lips together, faking a smile. “Night Y/N” 

Late at night I took a quick shower and grabbed one of the ice bags and sat in the bed, hoping that my mind is playing tricks with my body. I grab my phone taking my time to answer all my messages. Mom and dad with supportive messages, the team wishing me success and Mia keeps bothering about my overthinking; finally I take my time to answer Max. 

<I’m sorry I can’t be there.> He explains his useless attempts to get rid of work but he just gets the chance to leave after the race ends. I’ll expect that, still I feel a little bit down, it’ll be really helpful having him around. 

My answer was cut for his video call.

“Hi, there!” He has his messy hair sign as he probably uses his cap all day. “Are you all right?” I forgot I have the ice bag over my shoulder.

I take it off, resting importance. “I am a little bit sore but I’m fine.” He knows I’ll keep talking and saying what's on my mind. “I feel like I’m gonna cry any minute.” I shake my head, letting all my fears and vulnerability show to him. “What if I fail? What if they don’t see what they want to see? If I fail I can’t picture my life another year watching, being a spectator.” 

Max hears me all the time, his eyes express compassion and a lot of understatement even though he has probably never been in my place.

“I’m sorry, which was your last medal?” I scoff because he is always taking out; I got 2 of 3 gold medals in my last competition. “I’ve seen you working hard, all the effort you put on rehabilitation and with my, now deep compression about archery, Y/N you will get the green light, you won’t have to wait anymore. Let’s make a bet.” 

I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a deep breath smiling at him. 

“I’ll be there. When you shoot an arrow and hit the 10, I’ll be the first one from the terraces screaming at you, I told you.” I laugh, he lifts a weight off my shoulders.

“God, I wish you could be here.” I thought I said it to myself but apparently I said it out of loud. 

“I wish to be there too.” His eyes shift to an angry mood, so I change the subject. 

“How does it feel to be at home?” I sit with my cross leg, seeing him rolling his eyes and covering his face breathing out loudly.

“Fine but it will be better if I don’t have a reporter every 3 seconds close to me.” Max is an introverted guy even everybody though he likes the spotlight. 

“Just a couple of days and you’ll be free…” He smiles at me with his sleepy eyes stuck to my face. “For gaming all day.” He laughs with me. 

“Promise me one thing?” Max says his cellphone now in what seems to be the restroom, he points at me with his toothbrush. “You will take it with calm, breath and enjoy the day.” 

My eyes are half closed now. I raise my pinky finger and swear it to him. “What cost them it was just one day?” Max keeps complaining about not being able to come. 

“You be with me.” He rolls his eyes bluffing. 

“How?” I stretched and grabbed the T-shirt at the border of my bed. 

“Here.” I show it to him, pointing to the lion in the middle of the shirt. “You say it, a small you.” I feel my eyes close, still his giggles makes me smile.

“Sleep well Y/N.” I nod, burying my face in the shirt.

“Be safe.” I whisper to him, ending the call, the last thing I saw is his smiling eyes.

-

I get down my head tapping my finger on my shoulder silently praying the pain I feel is for my nerves instead of something going on.

Then the sound of voices increased until I could easily recognize the voice of Anton, Liam and 3 more voices, the main coach, Robert; the coach of the team, Marie Anne and a manager of the federation, Will. I stood quickly adjusting all the equipment all over me and taking a deep breath before the door opened.

“There is, a golden one.” Robert smiles and opens his arms causing Marie Anne to roll her eyes still smiling at me. “You look great.” He kisses both of my cheeks and Marie Anne follows him.

“Y/N, you look amazing.” She said taking time to look at me. “Let’s get started, all right?”

Each one of them took a seat in one of the chairs, Liam explains along with Anton as they point different parts of my shoulder, making emphasize in how great has been my rehabilitation and how optimistic they feel.

“What about you Y/N? Are you feeling well?” Robert asks me and takes notes in his hateful green notebook. 

Behind the doors, the team and I gossip about that notebook is hell in the earth, he takes notes of each one of our training, competitions, advancements and injuries.

“Yes, I’m feeling great, stronger each day.” Marie Anne smiles and claps her hands.

“Let’s see.” 

We walked to the back of the center where Anton arranged all the details to make it look closer as if I were in competition; as I walked down the corridors I felt eyes on me, whispers of curiosity of who were them and why I looked so scared.

I wore my classic black cap, with red lines at the side, and a small little fish at the back, clearly these caps Mia customized are for me. 

“Take your time Y/N, remember it’s not a competition, just give us a good look for future decisions.” Marie Anne said, I know she tried to calm me but that wasn’t the words I expected. 

I did some resistance exercises, shoulder strengthening; tests of coordination, flexibility and before the shooting tests I whisper at my bow and arrows before starting to get in anchor position. <Please, be nice to me.>

I draw the bow as I aim at the target looking for the perfect adjustment, not before I see the ground and smile, I can see the small lion on my chest. The arrow hits the red zone multiple times, in the final test of shooting just 2 times I reach the yellow zone, not good at all.

We kept talking for hours, Will barely said more than 3 sentences together, they explained their reasons to us and we to them, after 4 hours of intense thorough examination, they left as they came with a lot of noise surrounding them.

With shaking hands I dial the first name that comes to my mind. “Hey, am, could you help me with something?”

[caberzatto]

a quiet sunday

fem!reader x Minho

summary: You're enjoying a peaceful day off with your boyfriend when expresses his complaints about his overgrown hair. So you offer a solution that he's admittedly reluctant about.

word count: 1.5k

*nothing but fluff

author's note: this is proofread, but I may have missed a few things so yeah...

You lay in the small twin bed in your hut, your dark-haired boyfriend snuggled up into your side. As your chest rose and fell with deep, slow breaths, Minho's head followed suit; resting on your chest.

His athletic arms encapsulated your body between them, as he hugged you tightly, adding to the warmth of the blankets you both lay in.

It was Sunday, meaning you both had the entire day off from work and when these days came around, you always took full advantage of them. During the week, you were both constantly busy; Minho off in the maze from dawn until the sun began to set behind the walls, and you in the medhut all day treating the rest of the gladers who showed up with injuries.

All work came to a halt on Sundays, the day being treated as if it were a holiday by everyone in the Glade. Almost everyone would spend their 24 hours of peace lying in and simply chilling the shuck out, our one day of bliss if you will.

As you ran your fingers gently through your boyfriend's hair, lying together in silence, you felt his head shift against you as he tilted it back to look up at you.

You smiled softly at him. You could stay here forever. "Hey," you cooed.

He returned the smile, looking up at you like you were the sun, the moon, and the stars combined, "Hey back."

A few strands of his dark hair fell in front of his eyes, his head tipping further back so he could get a better look at you. You carefully brushed the hair away from his eyes, "Your hair's getting long, isn't it."

"Yeah, and it's been bothering me for the past two shucking weeks," he mumbled lowly in displeasure, "it's started to get in the way when I'm running, not very ideal, can't even see where I'm going anymore."

You chuckled at your boyfriend's exaggerated words before an idea popped into your head, "Hey, why don't you let me cut it for you?" continuing to stroke his hair gently.

"Mmmm…I don't know if I trust you enough with scissors around my hair," he joked, "don't know if you've noticed, but I take great pride in these gorgeous locks."

It's true. He spends at least 30 minutes of his mornings just styling his hair; making sure it looks just right.

"Oh come on," rolling your eyes at the boy lying on your chest, "I cut my own hair all the time, I'm basically an expert at this point."

His head dropped back down to its previous position, stroking his fingertips up and down your arm, thinking the idea through, before lifting it back up to your gaze once more, "Fine. But if you mess up, we are so over."

You smiled brightly at him, before moving from your position to climb out of the blankets, rolling over him to plant your feet on the floor of the hut. He groaned as you pulled on his arm, forcing him out of his previously comfy spot in the bed.

Still gripping his arm, he plodded closely behind you as you led him into the small bathroom in your hut - One of the perks of being the only girl in the glade; having your own hut. Which also means having your own bathroom.

"Okayyy," once in the bathroom, you placed your hands on his shoulders, "Sit please." The wide grin plastered on your face was making him much too nervous for his liking, yet still, he obliged, taking a seat on the toilet that sat in the corner of the cramped space.

Turning your back towards him, you searched for the pair of scissors that you regularly used to cut your hair. After a few seconds of fiddling in the drawer between the sink, you turned back to face him, snapping the shears open and closed in front of him.

"Yeah…that smile on your face is not concerning at all," he stated, sarcasm clear in his voice. The comment only caused you to smile even wider, "Would you relax, it's gonna be fine, I know what I'm doing you shank."

As you stepped closer to him, scissors in hand, his body leaned away from you, clearly indicating apprehension. "Minho, if you don't want me to cut your hair just say so, please. I wouldn't even be upset," you drew a cross over your heart, "swear."

He quickly reassured you, "No, no, that's not it…I just-you can understand my concerns though, right?"

Your eyes softened, giving him a tender smile, "Of course I can, but I assure you, once again, I know what I'm doing, okay?" He sighed sharply, before simply nodding his head in response.

You were now standing between his legs, gently running your fingers through his dark hair once again. "Okay, I'm starting, you ready?"

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get this over with already."

Positioning your free hand on the back of his head, to give you stability, you began snipping the hair on the top of his head. The first 'snip' of the scissors caused him to wince slightly in anticipation of the next cut.

Black strands of hair began slowly falling to your feet as you continued snipping off small sections of Minho's overgrown hair. Your fingers combed through his hair, directing it in an upward direction before stopping, where you'd cut off about an inch.

By the time you had finished working on the top of his head, you moved and used your free hand to angle his head down so you could begin working on the back.

Starting from the nape of his neck working up, you snipped away at the course hair. Minho's forehead was now resting on your stomach as you very carefully made sure not to nick his scalp with the sharp tool in your hand, "Mmm, feels s'nice," he grumbled into your midsection.

It was very clear that your previously reluctant boyfriend was now enjoying the lengthy process of getting his hair trimmed by you. A smug smile replaced your, once stoic, expression, "Mmm, I know sweetie, just relax m'kay."

His hands slid up from their prior position by his side, leisurely making their way up your bare legs to sit just below the hem of your shorts under your ass, his fingertips tenderly drawing circles on your smooth skin.

You finished up the back of his head, cutting it nice and short; just the way you know he likes it to be. You tilted his head to the right, then to the left, tapering off the sides. Finally, you lifted his head up, your finger softly positioned under his chin as you gave the completed haircut a final look-over.

As you studied your work for any needed improvements, you could feel your boyfriend's gaze burning into your face. "The shuck are you staring at you, dong?" you quipped as your fingers raked his hair, making sure it was even.

His eyes not straying away from you, "The beautiful girl standing in front of me," not an ounce of sarcasm in his voice.

You couldn't have hidden the bright beam that crept its way onto your face even if you tried your hardest.

"Okay whatever," rolling your eyes playfully, "I'm done, so would you go to the mirror and look at it, please."

The warmth on the back of your legs abruptly disappeared as Minho made his way over to the sink to take a look at his, now much shorter, hair in the mirror. He examined it carefully, turning his head in all different directions - very obviously trying to mess with you.

A few more head turns later and you were getting very impatient, awaiting a response from the puckish boy standing before you, tapping your foot hurriedly against the floor, your arms crossed over your chest.

Finally, he turned to face you with his lips pursed and squinted yes, as if he were about to tell you that he didn't like it. Your heart dropped in your chest with the thought, until he, at last, said something, "I love it."

Relief coursed through your body, your head falling back, accompanied by a long sigh.

Minho snaked his arms around your waist, peppering kisses along your throat before moving to your face, causing you to shake your head around in a poor attempt to get him to stop, giggles escaping from your lips, "Stop it, shuckface."

Your palm slipped between his lips and your face, pressing against his lips to push his head back, "Do you really like it, or are you just scared of hurting my feelings? Cause I'm a big girl y'know, I can handle the truth," your eyes squinted as you searched his for answers while your arms remained by your side, refusing to hug him back until he answered.

He laughed in response, "Of course I like it, I'd tell you if I didn't, honest," withdrawing one of his hands from your waist to draw a cross over his heart, just like you had done earlier.

A big smile replaced your once blank expression, finally lifting your arms to squeeze him back, dropping your head onto his shoulder in satisfaction. You still held the scissors in your right hand, so you had to make sure not to accidentally scratch him with them.

"I hope you know that you'll be cutting my hair for me every month from now on," your boyfriend stated, resting his chin on the top of your head.

"Exactly the reason why I've never offered to cut your hair before," mumbling into his shoulder.

The two of you swayed from side to side in each other's arms, enjoying the rare quiet of the glade. Sundays will truly always be your favourite day of the week.

@iloveetoeatbananas (more minho content for youu <3)

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[sirensplayhouse]

hii it’s ‘🪦’ anon. i wanted to come back for a quick second and share some stuff. recently, i’ve manifested so much stuff since i first sent an ask and even before that with only being in this year for two months.

month of janurary in order:

- my parents divorce being over after years (everything working out how we planned). this was also the reason i had got into LOA all those years ago, so i did cry for like a day straight, it was really my wakeup call.

- 2 week vacation to my favorite tropical area for the month of feburary (i just got back from traveling and i enjoyed myself sm)

- i tapped into the void state about two times that month as well. i affirmed for always being aware of when i’m in it.

- a healthier relationship with my family. the past few years i did struggle with feeling close with them but we’ve grown so much in a short amount of time now.

- 300 dollars worth of clothes + a skims dress (the package was gonna be way more and i had already spent a lot of money for the vacation in advance)

- three new pairs of desired shoes

- this was random but, my mom always gives me money monthly to spend freely or to save but i had already gotten that months worth. so i was like my mom is gonna give me more money, not even 30 minutes later she’s asking how much i wanted?? 😭😭

month of feburary in order:

- over the years my family has definitely gotten more lenient especially since i’m damn near grown LMAO but it feels nice to do stuff without feeling like there’s going to be consequences, so i manifested for my family to be more lenient with my desired things.

- to get rid of my cold/flu a few days before vacation. i had gotten “sick” (like a common cough and runny nose) from a family member. i haven’t been sick in years so i was genuinely pissed about it. i affirmed one night when i was sleepy to wakeup without the sickness, and when i woke-up it was gone.

- my sister got paid earlier than she expected. and the amount was a few more thousands than she normally would get. it was funny when she came to tell me because she always has to make a joke out of everything. 😭

- my mothers approval for more piercings and maybe even a tattoo? (probably not, i’d def pussy out LMDAOO)

- so this was the biggest one besides the divorce but we got offers for two homes. the same homes that we looked at years ago and it honestly freaked me out. i genuinely did want to move again so i could be closer to my friends house to hangout more (we both met through LOA about three years ago and just so happened to live almost an hour away). i glanced at both house listings online after talking to her and i believed that i was gonna move. NEXT DAY, MY MOM AND SISTER GOT TWO CALLS BACK TO BACK. so now we’re moving into both homes because of something that happened 😭 it’s not bad but it was funny. i’ll be there in less than a week so i’m excited!

- another thing that happened was earlier this month. i tapped into the void for fun through this guided hypnosis video post made by gorgeouslypink and i was curious. i didn’t have any intent on manifesting anything there nor did i actually think i was gonna go through with it. i laid down right after and i tapped into it immediately while following the last speaking. personally, i don’t feel the need for the void because at the end of the day, ts is a deep meditative state inside of me. manifesting in the void is instant, and so is manifesting any other way. i also texted my friend right before and after. she thought i was gonna do it another day by u disappeared for like an hour or two and she was shocked. i was gonna send proof of everything but idk how to do this shit through anon but changing the font tbh this is sad.

all of the stuff that i mentioned within these two past months were all manifested without using the void. i hope that this can bring more positivity and enthusiasm for a lot of people who’ll see this post. ofc you can use the void but realize your power, it all starts with you and ends with you. don’t forget that you promised yourself these things so give them to yourself. sending love 💓 i’ll check back in monthly probably bc this is fun sharing my experiences and using the pink font color 💟 see you next time!

babes……. HELLO YOU DID THAT🥺i’m so proud and happy for you ! 🫶🏾 you’re only gonna get better and better and i can’t wait🥰i hope you enjoy all you’ve manifested 🕺🏾and have an absolute ball

[loudlooks]

Day 20 Discovering the first early bloomers

30 day challenge notes: quantity over quality, limited editing, stand-alone/unrelated stories unless specifically stated otherwise, not always tiva, chronologically randomly set in whatever pre-s11 season seems to fit

A/N: Season 7 Ziva contemplating life after Somalia, i just realized i've been forgetting to tag, so if you want to be tagged for the last 10 stories let me know, I have a headache, so, whatever

Tag for blocking/following: 30 days of spring

Prompt: Discovering the first early bloomers

Word count: 529

-

The changing of the seasons was one of the things Ziva had appreciated about living in Washington. Not every season was as enjoyable, but she liked how they signaled a passage of time and change.

Since being brought home, the seasons had mostly blurred together. Yes, warmer clothes had to be bought again, that was a given, but the first leaves falling, the first snow falling, had had little to no impact on her.

Tony’s comments on wardrobe changes, whining about the weather and his bad knee, or chatting about seasonal traditions he knew she had come to appreciate a lot, had all felt a little hollow and gray.

But now, as she stood there in the park, panting and sweating halfway through her morning run, she couldn’t stop staring at the green buds that were beginning to bloom.

Coming to terms with everything that had happened in Somalia—and before Somalia—had been a long and difficult process. She knew she wasn’t there yet. Maybe she never would get there, or know what, or where, there even was.

Maybe there was a who.

Her chest clenched uncomfortably, and she took a deep breath. Most relationships had been repaired the past six months, some, or one in particular, would take a lot more work.

She gently touched one of the green buds, careful not to cause any damage, and smiled softly. Things were changing for the better every day. The dark cloud that had seemed to follow her around, was clearing up and getting lighter with every small step forward. Abby celebrating her coming home, in her own complicated way. Ducky inviting her over for tea, as usual. McGee, well, McGee being McGee, supportive as always.

A very slow bumblebee plopped down on a half open flower. So close, she wondered if it could smell the nectar.

Her citizenship was getting closer. Memories of Gibbs’ doubts and initial reluctance bubbled to the surface. It wasn’t until he had invited her to the shooting range and then dinner at his place—fireplace cooked steak was new to her—that she knew for certain that they had finally started a new chapter.

She watched the bee take off haphazardly, looking for new life, and sighed heavily.

Her upcoming citizenship meant a lot to her, a real new beginning. A new life. And while she wasn’t worried about passing the exam, everyone had been very helpful—well, not quite everyone—the thought of starting that new chapter of her life, without having fully mended her relationship with Tony bothered her more than she would ever care to admit.

She knew he cared for her deeply, despite everything. She also knew she had hurt him just as deeply. But as the months passed, and her own healing had gained momentum, she had noticed his jokes had fewer and fewer barbs. Just last week she had caught him staring at her with such love, she couldn’t bear to meet his gaze.

They had both done a lot of healing, a lot of changing, like the seasons. She could only hope that their friendship had survived the harsh winter, and would start blooming again soon.

-

Tagging: @hopeless-nostalgiac

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Her Song part 9

It's five o'clock on a Saturday morning. I don't want to be awake right now. Whose dumb idea was it to open a coffee shop, anyway?

I roll out of bed and check my phone, seeing a message from Willow. She wants to go out tonight. I have nothing to lose, so I agree. I can't help but think of Florence as I type out a response. She never leaves my mind, but she has a boyfriend so why should I feel guilty?

This past week has been so confusing. Last Friday she was being all touchy with Zach, but then she acted all jealous when I was talking to Willow. When we're alone, it's like nothing else even matters. It's just me and her, and an undeniable tension that forms whenever our eyes meet. She flirts. At first, I thought I was imagining it, but Ash confirmed it. 'Dude, she definitely wants to fuck' as Ash put it. I wouldn't quite say that, but to each their own.

Scarlett keeps pushing us together, too. She's come to the shop with Florence every day this week, and she never fails to slip not-so-subtle innuendos into the conversation. I just wish someone could be my balance of reasoning—someone who gives me their honest opinion and helps navigate all this bullshit. Ash is a great friend, but not the best at giving advice.

Groaning into my pillow, I begrudgingly roll out of bed and trudge into the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water cascades down my face, enveloping my body in a bath of calm. My thoughts aren't silenced, but they're quieter now.

I slip on some baggy ripped jeans and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, layering it with an oversized flannel. One major perk of being my own boss is that there's no dress code. I tie on my Doc Martens and brush my teeth as I walk to Syd's room, opening the door and telling her to wake up. After making some breakfast, we're ready to leave by 6:30, and we arrive at the shop around 6:45.

"Fifteen minutes to spare," I mumble as I unlock the doors and usher Syd inside. Ash shows up within a few minutes and we crank up the music, starting the day with laughs and excessive espresso shots. Syd grabs a book off the shelf and sits on the floor, reading in the middle of the aisle, but I don't have the energy to tell her to move.

We easily deal with the morning rush of early birds getting their coffee. Florence shows up around eight, but she's not alone. Walking in behind her are Scarlett and...Elizabeth Olsen?

"Good morning, Y/N," Scarlett calls.

"Good morning, darling," Florence says absentmindedly, waving to Syd. I nearly melt at the nickname 'darling' but manage to hold it together.

"Morning, guys. I see you brought a new guest."

"Yes, hi! I'm Elizabeth, but you can call me Lizzie," she introduces herself with a kind smile, shaking my hand.

"Hi, Lizzie. I'm Y/N," I laugh lightly. "Would you like to order?"

"I'll have a chai tea latte with oat milk?"

"Coming right up! And I'm assuming the usual for you both?" I ask Scarlett and Florence, both of whom nod in response.

"And it's for here," Florence adds. I smile to thank her for already knowing what I was going to ask.

"Tu feras le thé? Je ferai le café et le café au lait," I tell Ash, divvying up the orders. She gets to work on Florence's tea and I make Scarlett's and Lizzie's. We quickly have the drinks made and served.

My phone vibrates and I check my phone, seeing a message from my dad.

Dad: I booked a flight up next Monday and a flight back on the following Saturday. Does that work for you?

Well it's a little late to ask now, considering you already booked the flight, I think to myself.

Me: Yeah, that works. See you then.

I slide my phone back into my pocket and sigh, refraining from rolling my eyes. Syd will be excited to see him. I'm doing this for Syd. It's just for a few days.

"Hey, everything okay?" Florence murmurs, resting her hand on my arm.

"Yeah, it's fine. Just my dad," I assure her.

"So, Y/N, what made you want to open your own coffee shop?" Lizzie asks genuinely.

"Couldn't afford college," I joke, although that's pretty much the truth. She laughs and Florence gives me a boyish grin, locking her gaze onto mine. "What made you want to act?" I ask Lizzie in return.

"Ooh, good one. Um, I guess it's always something I knew I wanted to do. There were times when my sisters' fame made me want to back out, but I love acting. It's a way to escape everything, I guess."

"Damn," I pause. "That's a much better answer than mine."

"You know, I think I like her," Lizzie tells Scarlett and Florence.

"Join the club," Ash mumbles with a sarcastic smile.

"Let me see your phone," Lizzie commands. I do as she says, raising an eyebrow as she types away. "There, now you have my number. And I put yours in my phone, too."

"Hey, that's not fair," Florence whines. "She was my friend first."

"I can give it to you," Lizzie tells her.

"No, no. I wanna make her work for it," I demand, staring into Florence's eyes as I speak. She swallows and breaks eye contact, chuckling nervously. I smirk lightly to myself, celebrating a victory in our nonexistent competition.

"Oh, I see," Lizzie says with a half-smile.

"Hey, we should all go out tonight," Scarlett suggests. "There's a new club, super low-key. Y/N, you'll love it."

"As amazing as that sounds, I can't. I, uh, I have a date tonight." Florence's smile falls and she looks down at the floor. I nervously play with a napkin and  try to swallow my guilt. She has a boyfriend.

"Damn, another time then. Have fun on your date though," Scarlett says, wiggling her eyebrows. I playfully roll my eyes, wondering why I'm not the least bit excited.

"Yeah, have fun on your date," Florence says quietly, the smile still absent from her face. "We should get going." She abruptly gets up and walks away, waiting at the door.

"Oh, uh, I guess we're leaving. Have a good day," Lizzie says. Scarlett waves and sends me an apologetic smile as they walk out of the shop.

"Wait, I didn't give you a song...recommendation," I call after them, trailing off because they were already gone.

Ash whistles lowly, draping her arm around my shoulder. "That is quite the situation you've found yourself in, my friend."

"What do you mean?"

"She's got a boyfriend but you're totally infatuated with her, and she gets jealous when you have a date."

"Well what do you suggest I do?" I inquire helplessly.

"Honestly, I don't know. Show her what she's missing. Use that jealously to your advantage," she advises, poking my ribcage.

"That's a horrible idea, Ashlynn. Like, astonishingly horrendous. And immature. And toxic."

"I'm just saying, going to a club with them would be the perfect opportunity."

"Ash, no."

Well...maybe. No, definitely not. Unless...no, I can't do that. Can I?

[1tsjusty0u]

ackshually. how does knighthood work. is link's whole journey into knighthood same as canon or are there any changes? how did he feel about it

ALSO MILITARY TRAINING GROUNDS

knighthood….

alright so. this will be kind of uh. silly? but to me knighthood/Being A Knight is like. School. except instead of paperwork its training. get up at 5 am with 4 hours of sleep because 7-8 hours of your day was work with a 30 minute lunch break and either legally or socially your expected to/Have to go there and youre treated lesser than the instructor and can be punished for reasonable things and have to jump through hoops/use fae trickery to have sick days or not go in but still get like. the required credits/required training thingies due to broken bones or Really Bad sickness. just sucks ass. itd probably get more bearable the more ranks you go up, and the akkala citadel is probably the best possible place for knights to be honestly. i can imagine rooms being there and also im pretty sure the fort is for like. ships and stuff. so how much work actually goes on there is debatable. though im pretty sure theres a map of it in age of calamity i! have not played it nor emulated it yet </3 so i cant say how accurate this is. also im having guards only really be at like. castle town/posts like the east post ruins not hateno or lurelin. maybe guard the entrances as time goes on/if danger grows/link simply books it but Thats It. knights as well they only really follow the princess/do things around royal hylian buildings. its probably weird to specify but. yeag

i think it is? for canon he gets the mastersword at 13 and from zeldas diary hes only appointed as her knight like. recently/at 16. before then he was affiliated with it due to his father (miphas diary?). so probably. for wreath i dont think he ever actually becomes a knight/is in the royal army until 13 (which if he was for forced into it i think he Wouldnt be happy about it initially/his dad scared him by telling him about it.) so up until that point his dad basically just Visited from time to time and he got to hang out and do sword things which he didnt really think about besides “YEAAAAH SWORD FIGHTINF :D” until hes actually in the army. when he Is in the military if he didnt hate it before he does now!! if he could quit with no repercussions he would the second he could, but he views it as ‘theres no other options for me + my futures shit and fucked on if i dont do this/leave illegally’ so. yeah! and his dad really does Not help at all. how military-y any of this actually is is very debatable, and truthfully i could probably make this more accurate (my. sighs. my brother joined the actual military because free healthcare. hes not in like. the fighting department but hes still trained for that. the first weeks were at some fort and it was Hell for him. like he had to sit in close to genuine freezing weather with no actual cold gear besides his uniform and his orders kept getting mixed up constantly??? different sargents all said different things and gave them different orders. like once he got past that point/fort my dad joked that he probably felt like nothing could be worse than that. so theoretically i could make it like that for link. will i is the question. sorry for the . not infodump but personal dump).

the training grounds!!! i personally think thats how he got into the lost woods but the actual amount of times hes been there is sparse (until hes knighted). he probably viewed it as a playground as first but when he has to do actual training there he would despise it so badly. but this is where drills and such happen and i think itd be sectioned off (because if i recall correctly theres like. terraces? of mud? like theres different sections of mud and buildings) for different drills. knights probably go there daily while guards Dont. i think itd just pain your muscles. also the mud was probably always there and not after the calamity. i dont think thered be any monsters in there? just because it would cause collateral not because the royal family/army is against putting up soldiers and monsters against each other. otherwise nnot much to say? link would get muscle cramps constantly probably he does Not know any stretches. but yeag. i like how gaffen is born in rauru settlement and while im not doing that for wreath link i Do like the idea of rauru settlement being connected to the military/military training grounds. itd probably be where knights stay at first maybe? or it could be be unrelated which would be kind of funny considering noise complaint possibilities. trying to sleep but these stupid knights keep clashing their stupid swords

[jaxteller87]

aftermath(big papa 11

It had been a solid month since the explosion literally rocked our world. Things were slowly finding their footing again, but for me, it meant spending most of my time in the shop. Clay’s mess had almost cost me my marriage, my life— even my entire future and I wanted nothing to do with it.

But with my position in the Club, I couldn’t just walk away, nor would I want to. Clay might be a reckless, megalomaniac lost cause, but most of the others who shared a patch with us weren’t. Well, let’s just say nobody wa near as bad as the old Club President, at least. These were the thoughts that plagued me over the past four weeks. Whether I was at work or out on the road getting some wind therapy, I was at war with Clay— and partly myself. That evening, I came home to find Amber out on the patio, sipping on sweet tea, without a care in the world. She had her angry days since the big bang, but she was taking it a little better than I thought. I guess it’s true what they say: put enough time on it, and it’ll heal all.

“Hey, Big Papa,” she beamed as I approached. 

I smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Hey, my love,” I smiled, taking a seat beside her. I felt like she was waiting for me to say something— anything, but my mind was stuck in the mud.

“Everything okay, babe?”

“Yes and no—” I sighed and sat back in the chair. I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing I could just do something to move us all past this. 

“What’s on your mind?” Amber put her hand on my leg. She looked at me with those crystalline eyes as I prepared to ask her the question I’ve asked her two dozen times over the last 30 days. “So, I gotta know why you were at the club that night?”

“I already told you, Tiggy insisted. He said it’d be good if I got some air, and I wanted to get out of the house for a while,” she casually replied like she did every other time before.

“I know, but I thought I was clear before I left. To many people, Club members, hangarounds, Nomads— come through that Clubhouse, and for you to be there without me is—”

She rolled her eyes. “But see, Jax, that’s what I’ve been saying. No one knew what was going down. If they did, the Club would’ve been a ghost town. I guess I better not go to the grocery store this week; you know Miss Palumbo’s sister got mugged in the parking lot back in March.”

“Very funny. The chances of shit going down at the Clubhouse, at any Clubhouse for that matter, are drastically higher than at the supermarket. You just shouldn’t have been there, that’s all I’m saying—”

“That’s exactly what Tig said when we got back from home. He was genuinely sorry, swore he wouldn’t have asked me to stop by if he had any inkling about the bomb,” Amber explained. “So, don’t go blaming Tig for this. He had no idea.”

“Of course, I’m not blaming Tig, even if he is directly responsible for you being there, but we wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place if it wasn’t for Clay.”

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“With this shit Clay’s in, you should have been aware of the rule, that’s all.” There was an unspoken rule for Amber, Donna, Gemma, and the other old ladies. If it looks like it may storm, stay home. 

“I know the rule, babe,” she rolled her eyes, “thanks for re-educating me, though, Mr. Teller,” she joked mockingly.

“You’re right,” I chuckled. “For my own sanity, did Juice look after you while I was gone?”

“He did,” she giggled. “Him and Tig. I feel safe, even when you’re not around. The boys know to handle anyone who tries something with me.” I felt better knowing that, at least. Shit was thick between me and Clay, but at least the patch meant something to the others. Of course, I’m sure Clay has a few brothers in his pocket, but I’d be a fool to guess who. Hell, the only one I’m certain has my back is Ope— I feel good about Tig and Juice, too, but they’ve ridden for Clay before, too— but following orders and loyalty are two separate things.

A few days later, we had church at the new Club, an old candy shop in town. I hadn’t been attending many sit-downs, but this one was mandatory. As the meeting progressed, the air grew thick with cigar and cigarette smoke. 

Clay leaned forward, his brow furrowed in concentration as he went over the recent gun shipments. “We gotta tighten the screws on these deals,” he said, his voice low but commanding. “The last thing we need is a slip-up that puts us all in the shit— again.”

“Again?” I scoffed. I wanted to tear into him, but for the moment, I’d keep it civil.

“Yes, again,” he repeated cockily. The others quickly picked up on the tension in the room.

 “Aye, we can’t afford any more mistakes. The Irish are already getting antsy. We gotta keep ’em sweet, or we’re gonna find ourselves in the middle of a bloody mess,” Chibs tapped on the table, drawing the attention away from Clay and me.

“What about the porn, Bobby Elvis?” Clay leaned back in his chair and looked over at Bobby, who was shuffling through a few papers.

“Business as usual. We have a new movie coming out next week, the Tight-tanic…” he started.

“Like the boat?” Happy asked.

“Yeah, like the boat. It’s about a stewardess who bangs her way through the crew to earn herself a spot on the lifeboat,” Bobby continued.

“That’s morbid as shit,” Tig’s eyes widened. “I love it. Need any extras? I’m available.”

“Like your dick is going to pass the STD screening,” Juice joked.

“Wait, they do that?” Tig puffed out his bottom lip.

“Regardless, 75% of the proceeds will be filtered back into the Club to help rebuild everything. The rest will pay the talent.”

“Numbers?” Clay insisted.

“We’re aiming to move 10,000 copies at $25 a pop, netting about $250,000. After bills, fees, and talent get paid, that should leave us with a 150k, give or take.”

“Good. Finally, some good news,” Clay puffed on his cigar. “Alright, moving on to the next order of business, I want—”

Just then, the doors burst open, and to my astonishment, Amber was sitting there in her wheelchair. Nobody was allowed in during church, but that didn’t seem to stop her. She seemed far more fired up than yesterday.

“Clay, I’m begging you. Whatever this is, put a stop to it,” she interrupted, her voice cutting through the room like a knife. “Don’t let your greed destroy everything we’ve worked for.”

A murmur rippled through the members as they turned to face her, surprised by her boldness.

“Someone should shut her up, don’t you think?” one of the prospects by the door whispered.

“Or how about I shut you up, lad?” Chibs flipped his butterfly knife open and pointed at the prospect from across the table. “I say we let the lass say her piece.”

“Who do you think you are bursting in here like that? Get the hell out—” Clay started. 

But before anyone could respond, I shot up from my chair. “Watch your words, old man,” I threatened. The room fell silent.

 “That’s my old lady.”

“As I said,” Chibs repeated slowly, “I say let the lass say her bit. We’ll deal with the breach of rules later, aye?”

“Clay, please, the violence is too much. I’ve lost enough as it in my life; I’m not going lose my life or my husband; please reconsider.”

“I want to live a long, happy life with Jax,” she turned when she said with a smile. I mouthed I love you to her. That’s my girl.

Once Amber was done, she left i turned and looked at ole greedy old bastard; this look of clarity came across his face. “Church is done,” Clay grumbled. Everyone started leaving, but as I pushed my chair in, I felt the Prez staring at me.

[professor-walnut]

Sometimes like today when my depression gets out of control for a while, I'll do things like search the internet desperately for advice or motivation to make it through another night, unable to come up with my own reasons. And scrolling through places like redit; all I see over and over is the phrase "it gets better"

And listen man, I have never hated anything more than that phrase.

I was first diagnosed as depressed when I was eight. "You'll grow out of it" the doctor said.

I went to therapy at 14 when I was suicidal. "You'll feel better when you're older and your hormones calm down" she said.

I got put on antidepressants at 17. "You'll be fine once you finish school and get into a routine" the doctor told me.

At 23 I was told "Excersize, healthy eating, a good social group, get all that down and things will get better"

I'm 26 nearly 27 and I've followed every rule and piece of advice and it has never gotten better, every year it gets worse, it gets harder.

Life never stops getting harder. You can do everything 'right', you can get perfect grades in school and be polite and kind and avoid drugs and alcohol and work hard at everything you do, but sometimes you'll still end up unemployed and burnt out and poor and lonely. Sometimes no matter what you do you'll be a failure.

So hearing "things will get better" frustrates me, probably frustrates many people. Because when does it get better? Have you ever met a depressed person who has experienced it get better? Probably not.

So you know what, here's a better piece of advice to keep trying, for anyone else out there trying to find reasons.

Maybe everyone else in your life is doing better than you, they have jobs and families and hobbies, and you're sleeping 20 hours a day and feeling worthless and lying to your family about how you're doing all the time so they won't be disappointed. Maybe you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s - and you still havn't achieved anything worthwhile, maybe you never will.

But once back in university I went out at 3am with the intention of ending my life, I was having a panic attack during a depressive episode, suicide hotline was busy and I went out almost in a daze with the intention of stepping into traffic desperate to end the terrifying panic and pain. But during my walk, a knock down drunk guy passed me and he smiled at me. He didn't even say anything, just smiled as he stumbled past.

For whatever reason, that tiny, seemingly insignificant gesture was enough to make me think twice about my decisions and go back home.

How many times have you smiled at someone on the street in passing, or at a cashier at a store, or at the bus driver? Probably 99% of the time it barely makes a difference to someone's day, but maybe 1% of the time it does, maybe it impacts someone, and maybe that tiny chance is worth you keeping your smile alive for.

Maybe a crappy sketch you did as a joke or a fanfiction you wrote one night at 3am is someone out there's favourite thing in the world, maybe the time you baked shitty cookies for the staffroom at work, one person is thrilled because they forgot their lunch, maybe that person you held the door open for last week was having a shit time and your tiny action reminded them that there were kind people in the world, maybe the old man who talked to you for 30 seconds in the grocery store line has been lonely for months and you made his day with your brief few exchanged words because you let him feel seen, maybe the postit note you wrote a silly message on ten years ago for someone in school is still stuck on their desk giving them motivation and reminding them that the world isn't all bad.

Maybe you are inputting into the world more than you realise, and even if you sleep for 72 hours at a time and spend 6 days of the week crying and feel like a waste of space, maybe the world is lucky to have you in it. Even if only for the tiny moments where you subconsciously smile at a stranger - because you are always more important than you feel you are, no matter who you are and what you do.

Maybe things won't get better, the likelihood is they won't, but maybe humans are made of tough stuff and have survived bullets and falls from airplanes, so maybe you can survive a lot more than you feel you can. Tomorrow things won't feel as bad, and next time you feel even more horrible you'll know you can get through it because you survived it last time.

Maybe every minute you're surviving is worth it for those little times you impact the world silently from the shadows without even knowing it.

Sometimes all you need to to is breathe to knock down a domino. So keep breathing, even if that's all you can do.

[astrabear]

15 questions, 15 tags

tagged by @ongreenergrasses. Not gonna tag 15 people, that's like 30% of all the people I follow.

Are you named after anyone? I have the name that my mother would have had, if my grandmother hadn't changed her mind at the last minute and given her a popular name instead. My mother always resented being one of many [name]s in her classes at school and was determined that if she had a daughter, she'd use this name.

When was the last time you cried? Man, I don't fuckin know. My dad died a year and a half ago, my stepfather died a few months ago, I've been unemployed and looking for work since December (just accepted an offer the other day, so that's cool), I visit my mom regularly and she's having a really hard time, and there was an ice storm a couple of weeks ago that left us without power for 36 hours and brought up a bunch of trauma from a debilitating storm two years ago. Also I have depression and anxiety. I can't be bothered to keep track of when or how often I cry, is what I'm saying. Sometime in the past week, probably.

Do you have kids? nope

Do you use sarcasm a lot? When joking with my roommate, yes. As part of general communication, I use it but I think not a lot?

What's the first thing you notice about people? Doesn't this depend on what's noticeable? Like if someone has blue hair, I'm gonna notice the blue hair first. Anything that stands out or seems unexpected - unusual hair color, tattoos, certain hair styles, size/height/other features that are at either end of the bell curve, dramatic clothes or accessories.

What's your eye color? Dark brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, definitely.

Any special talents? I notice and remember stuff about people, and I connect pieces of information. Someone once described it as my superpower. This makes me very good at giving gifts. Sometimes I have to keep it to myself in order to not sound creepy (because people aren't necessarily prepared for you to remember something they said in passing a year ago, and then connect it to something that someone else mentioned last week, and use that to infer something they had not yet told you.) I'm also bizarrely good at finding specific Old Guard fanfics.

Where were you born? Houston, Texas

What are your hobbies? I have had so many hobbies that I no longer currently practice. I want to get back into cooking and baking (as hobbies rather than just necessity). I write. I play the Sims. For a while I was using the Sims to make fanvids, but that's fallen away as the writing has picked up. I'd like to start drawing again. It's going to take some time to get back in shape enough to do it, but I'd love to one day take up weightlifting again.

Do you have any pets? I have two cats, Truffle and Tristan. They will be turning 4 in a couple of months. I adopted them in 2019 and I can't imagine getting through lockdown without them. I made up these song lyrics about them, back when "Bad Guy" was still a thing: So he's a buff guy Not got lots of fluff guy Likes to play real rough guy Tail always so puffed guy She's that smart type Take my things apart type Face a work of art type Got a loving heart type They are good cats Duh

What sports do you play/have you played? None. The only physical endeavor that I've ever been serious about was weightlifting, but never competitively.

How tall are you? 5'3, 160cm. I'm basically a hobbit.

Favorite subject in school? In high school, English. In college, probably history.

Dream job? Alas, there is no job out there that would include doing complex work in spreadsheets and databases, and coaching/mentoring other people, and doing some kind of problem solving/information and referral work that gives people immediate assistance. When I did social service type jobs, I felt like I wasn't getting enough mental stimulation, and now that I'm working more analytical jobs I miss the satisfaction of helping people. Oh well.

Like I said, I'm not going to tag 15 people. But I will tag @lazaefair, because you're my most recent follow so I know you the least well.

For cat pics, see below

Truffle, my perfect angel baby:

And Tristan, my little goblin boy:

[rantingofasmallorganism]

February 6th 2023: Birthday Bashes, Possible Promotions, and Creating Controlled Chaos

Dear endless void that is the internet, so much for posting once a week huh.

It’s been 12 days since I posted and much has happened in those days. This past weekend I went to the keys to celebrate my best friend's birthday, we have this little “not so private” beach we go to when we visit the upper keys and we spent the day inebriated, swimming, and eating. Of course, cause underage drinking is frowned upon by the law, we hid our drinks in our reusable Starbucks cups and called it a day. Personally, I used strawberry acai with lemonade mixed with Alani Nu Breezberry and watermelon-flavored malibu.

Now, before I disclose the following information, I feel the need to mention that the drinking took place from around 10:30 in the morning till about 2 in the afternoon. Also, I had eaten before drinking and stopped before I had lunch. So throughout three and a half hours, I consumed about thirteen ounces of malibu on my own along with some sips of soju.|

We had lunch at this small burger place called M.E.A.T eatery and taproom. What made us decide to spend our money here wasn't a photo of the food or even the fact it was featured on "diners, drive-in, and dives", but a shirt we saw on Instagram that said, "You can't beat our meat."

Now I am an adult turning 20 in late March. I make monthly car payments and insurance payments ahead of time. In addition to this, I am a full-time student and work almost full time and am in line to get a promotion. I'd say I am responsible. However, there is a little part of me that I can only describe as a 14-year-old boy who has to laugh at things like that. "You can't beat our meat." God damn was the right. Those burgers were so good. On top of that their smoked potato salad has me drooling just thinking about them.

Overall we had a blast, we donned cowboy hats and played country music and what my cousin likes to call "old white people music". This consists of music such as that of Jimmy Buffets' "Margaritaville". We got back to my cousin's house, and dinned on pizza, soda, and slutty brownies while watching "Crazy Rich Asians". To say I love that movie is an understatement. It was a fucking masterpiece. Just absolute gold. From the script to casting to costume and set design. A solid ten out of ten.

Now today has been crazy. I woke up late and missed my first class, what a fucking joy, my only other class for today is my journalism class. This, my dear void, is where I sit and type up what you're reading. This is funny because we are on the topic of different media formats and my professor mentioned blogs and social media. She asked who has a blog and I raised my hand. Technically I have two, this one and another one on this same hell site but It's a fanfiction blog. She asked how many followers and what type of blog.

Did I answer honestly?

Of fucking course I didn't, at least not completely.

I said it's a blog where I test different concepts I want to write on and different writing styles and that I had somewhere between 900 and 1000 followers. Which is all true. What I left out was that it is a fanfiction blog mainly catering to the shows supernatural, sherlock, and marvel. I am a junior in college majoring in psych and pre-med. I do not need my cohort to learn that I am a fanfiction writer. It's not something I am ashamed of, but I know the jokes (usually are made lovingly) would never end, and that not what I need.

Some might think "pre-med and psych? Why are you taking a journalism class?" A shocker for many people (including my father), people actually have hobbies. Mine is writing. So I like to learn of all forms and styles. Creative writing, journalism, creative writing, academic research. I want to know all of it and everything that there is to know. I've published a book, won writing contests, and still run a blog, and post my ramblings onto this public forum as if it's a private diary as a way to vent. To say I like writing is an understatement. Speaking of liking things and hobbies. I like...No. I love variety. I had to rinse and repeat and I love the spontaneity of life. I also need to keep to a routine so I don't spiral out of controll and lose track of life. Recently, I've felt almost that my life has become stagnant again. I cannot put words to the way I hate stagnation.

Yes, I know people need to rest after making progress to recharge and restock energy and resources before continuing on tackling long-term goals. But I hate to stay still for too long. Usually, I need to do something small to change up my day and its scratches the ich until I find my next footing. This time it wasn't as simple as changing the scenery while doing my homework. I almost impulsively went for a walk in the forest area near my house.

Is this the type of activity that causes a person to die in a horror movie?

Yes.

Was I aware of this?

Yes

Did I do it?

No

Why?     

I got a call from my boss.    

For the past year or so I have been trying to become a shift manager at my job. Not only for the five-dollar pay raise but also due to the fact it would look great on my resume and offer me experience that would do me good in the long-term future.

 It got to the point where I've been frustrated with my job. I've been trying to move up the ladder and haven't gotten anywhere but getting fewer hours. Granted it has been the slow season for our industry and job but still. It's aggravating.

Then an angel shines down upon me and stops me from being a stereotypical dumbass horror movie character and my phone rings. My manager tells me about the opening, how to apply, and what the application and interview process looks like. Any idea of venturing into a body of woods by myself evaporated faster than it spawned and I applied to the position as fast as possible.

Now the chaos I've been looking for. The new energy flow in my life. Trying to land that position. Aside from trying to get straight A's this semester and taking a break during the summer, now I have this. Especially since I'm taking almost four months off from school and have open availability with my job. At 20 an hour, for a 60-hour paycheck, I'll make more than my monthly expenses. I'll make more in that paycheck than I do currently in a month.

I have earned this promotion, I've busted my ass and done anything and everything I can short of trying to seduce the higher-ups, and I set standards in life that prevent me from doing so.

Now I depart from this post and I am off to use the restroom and head home as my professor is ending class. Have a great day and stay safe. Till next time.

  -your blogger

[pearlydewydrops]

This past week I have been cleansing myself. For three consecutive days I drank a mug of peppermint tea, washed and moisturised my face, bought a new lip balm, cleaned my room, read two books at a time, and, on the first of september, I got my period.

Normally, I would be in complete despite over this (because starting a ‘ber’ month bleeding is torturous and unacceptable when its one of the top 4 best months). But, this week, I've felt like this has been a refresher - like a rebirth to my *pretty miserable* year. I've been taking more photos and I've been consuming, not just skimming through, but really consuming the art I watch and read.

On Tuesday morning, I thus far read up to page 103 of Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel and page 21 of Too Much of Life, which includes the entries from Clarice Lispector's old newspaper column.

From what I can recollect, Still Born follows two friends, Laura and Alina, who have always deprecated the concept of having children — an arduous trap that confines women to a sole devotion to their blood family and from discovering more at too young an age. However, later on in their 30s, Alina and her partner decide they want to have a baby. After a taxing struggle to do so, she gets pregnant but later finds out her baby is dead inside her stomach. When the time arrives for her to be delivered, her brain will be immobile, and they'll end up having to cremate her soon after. To add onto this grief, a big reason as to why she’s going through with the pregnancy would be to increase the unlikely chances of getting pregnant again. Despite this, Alina, following her counsellor's advice, still wants to prepare all the things she would've done with her child; listen to the playlist she made for her baby Ines; create a photo album of her pregnancy; write down in a diary all about her own life-story leading up to Ines’ birth. Laura finds this illogical. 'Why did she want to get to know her daughter if she was going to die straight away?' Commiting to this not-so-funny bit would only accelarate her grief for her child - a yearning that would ultimately lead to further despair and torment, especially if another pregnancy was implausible. But then she figured that, after all, love is illogical, so why wouldn't latching onto what remains of her baby be the most logical thing to do?

"Many of us do the same when we fall in love with someone who is very ill, or who lives far away, or with someone involved in another love story that has no room for us. Who has not plunged headlong into an irreconcilable love affair knowing it has no future, and clinging to a glimmer of hope as flimsy as a blade of grass? Pourquoi durer est-il mieux que brûler? wondered Roland Barthes, sceptically. Love and common sense are not always compatible. In general, one tends to choose intensity no matter how little time it lasts, and in spite of all that it puts at risk." - Page 101, Still Born

A piece of writing that stood out to me in Clarice's column was about a program self-titled Chacrina, the name of the show host and Brazillian comedian. As of 1967, it was the most popular show in Brazil. Clarice describes it as a 'talent show for amateurs', moreso a humiliation ritual towards the participants that the audience, Chacrina, and the participants themselves can't get enough of.

"The man wears absurd outfits, the contestant performs his or her party piece, and if he or she fails to please, then Chacrinha sounds his hooter and sends them packing. There’s something sadistic about Chacrinha, you sense that he gets a certain pleasure out of blowing his hooter. And he repeats the same jokes over and over—does the man simply lack imagination or is he obsessed?" - Page 20, Too Much of Life

The show creates an uncanny unity among Brazillians of all backgrounds and ages (even up to 70). The contestants frequently look undernourished, yet the audience emanate a wave of disconcern, and an unwavering support even. A support for not the contestants, but for the game. 'And in every one of them you see the same longing to appear on television, to show off, to become famous, even at the cost of being humiliated and making complete and utter fools of themselves.’ Clarice concludes the entry expressing disappointment towards the Brazillian public and a confusion towards the widespread popularity of Chacrinha.

"There are money prizes for those who guess the number of honks Chacrinha will give, at least that’s what happened on the one program I watched. Is it the chance of winning some money, like with the lottery, that makes the program so popular? Or are we just a mean-spirited people? Is there a sadistic streak in the viewers which allows them to take pleasure in Chacrinha’s sadism?" - Page 21, Too Much of Life

With the currency of social media present day, the phenomenon that was Chacrinha’s popularity has transformed into an ubiquitous normality across Tiktok, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. Now more than ever, people will do anything to get famous, whether its for one minute or what they think will be longlasting. I've always percieved this willingness to be globally demeaned something that originated from social media, perhaps from Youtube 'prank' videos (that was all most definitely a fraud). But now I think it’s just human nature. If an entry that Clarice wrote in 1967 is so reflective of the now of social media, just how far will our vulnerability and openness go to feel valued by the public? Is it all in the name of self-expression or is it the rewards we reap from such self-expression?

During Tuesday, I completed my first ever VET course on first aid. Something to add to my resume (when I finally finish it...)! We learnt how to aid a sprained or fractured muscle; treat anaphylaxis; help a person with asthma; relieve a person who's choking; bandage snake bites; and how to perform CPR with and without a defibrillator. I believe a defibrillator shocks the person if they're in cardiac arrest and their heart isn't pumping? Truthfully, I didn't retain any of the information from the course, so if I add this to my resume, I sincerely hope no one needs an EpiPen in Cold Rock Ice Creamery. I'm just glad I didn't have to do mouth-on-mouth CPR with the human-sized doll. The things I do remember is that you connect one pad of the defribillator to a teenager or adult's chest and the other to the lower side of their stomach; a baby only needs two pumps from the index and middle finger of your hands and one tiny breath when undergoing CPR; and you have to bandage all the way from the top to the bottom of the arm if a person has a snake bite. At least this course ensured I'm never doing anything medical as an occupation.

On Wednesday, I was many hours late to SYC because, admittedly, the activity just seemed more strenuous than it actually was in the moment. My attendance has also been far too low at the community centre, which only made me feel worse. I'm very appreciative and relieved that the people who work there are okay with my egregious attendance. I just need to get over it and take the bus in the morning.

After a Thursday of SYC, I went to the Royal Show to hang out with my friends. My bus trip to the showgrounds had some complications but I got there. I was there from 1:30 to 5-something I believe, and I took lots of photos from daylight to nighttime. My photos aren't great though — I still require plenty of improvement, which reminds me that I need to start reading the photography book I was given. There was nothing much that I observed to write about, as I was too engrossed with my friends. The friends were obviously the best part. Other interactions that come back to me were two tightly-knit couples in their 60s-70s sitting on a bench together. The two old ladies on the bench were scrolling and typing on their phones as they talked to each other, while the two old men were pointing in different directions, probably discussing the different areas they could go during the show. I wondered how long they'd all known each other, and hoped that maybe they lived out my 'The O.C.' fantasy of being four friends who'd known each other since their teen years. I also remember a mother holding four or five containers of cotton candy in a bag with one child on her back and her son next to her. The flavours were things that were personally sickening to my appetite; things like green apple, watermelon, pink cherry, bubblegum or maybe it was blue raspberry. I reckoned the mother ate two bites max of each when they got home, and I hope that those two kids were able to eat the rest over time. Or maybe I just assume that anyone above the age of 35 are disgusted by overly sweet things and maybe the mother did have her fair share of the cotton candy. I don't know! But, overall, the experience was very fun.

Friday was very uneventful. I ate leftover Korean food for lunch and got 30-40 minutes into Blue Velvet until things started to get weird (if you know you know I guess) while my sister was heating up the rest of the leftovers. It always pisses me off whenever people are in the kitchen while I'm eating for some reason, so now I was even more pissed off because I couldn't watch the rest of the movie! I say 'the rest of the movie' not just that part of the movie because I know the remaining minutes get increasingly sexually weird because hahahaha these filmmakers just LOVE Freud and his theories on psychosexual dreams.

Out of everything that happened this week, my curiosity sadly leavened most by reading, rather than my outdoor experiences. However, I think the balance of both kept my mind active and running, which is what matters most. I think my mind and writing is deteriorating as I continue to, so I'm leaving this entry as it is. I hope to finish Blue Velvet sometime and actually form some answer to the questions I've been asking myself on here. But for now, I'm learning to be in the moment and I'll ponder on the irrationalities of love laterrr bye!!

‘It might be hard to believe it now, but I’m sure you’ll feel OK again one day. You have to wait for time to pass.’ ‘I don’t know,’ she replied. ‘Right now, the only thing that excites me is getting to know Inés, touching her, looking at her little face. I don’t care what happens after that.’ - Laura and Alina in Still Born

(1/09/2024 - 5/09/2024)