#I’ll hurt you probably

[rose-tinted-nostalgia]

I can’t do online dating, man. It’s terrifying. I’ll either get murdered or catfished or worse, rejected, and I just can’t do it. I’m a walking catfish because everyone sees these cute selfies, and these fun facts, like this girl likes anime and 2000’s pop punk, how fun, and then they meet me, and I’m a fucking wreck and how do you tell someone that? Like yeah I’ll fuck you into tomorrow and cuddle you while we watch anime, and I’ll sing along in the car to my high school playlist, and it’s all fun in games, but I actively dream about dying, and I’ll never ever clean up after myself. last night I dreamed of eyeballs sprouting from my skin like some sort of boil, one brown eye spinning beneath a translucent patch on my thigh, and another protruding from my forearm, festering and infected before it finally fell out, leaving an empty socket pooling with blood. I dreamed of curses and ancient magic and murderers and parasites. I dreamed of my nephew lying in a pool of his own blood, wrists and throat slit in some sort of saw-like game for survival, the woman who orchestrated it feigning guilt as she pointed a finger at the person she forced into doing it, me hyperventilating, wondering how this all went wrong. this morning I forced myself to forget several others, dreams I couldn’t stomach remembering, and tomorrow I’ll repeat the same ritual over and over again, trying not to dwell on the memories, trying not to solidify them into existence, and always I’ll succeed at some and fail at others, and I’ll lie awake remembering blood and spinning eyes until I dream of them again. the nightmares aren’t new. they come and they go, but they never truly leave, and I’m not sure they ever will, and how do you tell someone that? Where do I put in my dating profile that my nightmares could fill a horror anthology, that I’m scared they mean there’s something wrong, that I don’t understand what my mind could be trying to heal by forcing me to bear witness to ugly things night after night. I have nothing to offer someone, and that’s not me being depressed or doubting my self worth, because I know some people will find me funny or attractive or charming, and some people would take me, baggage and all, but I have nothing to offer. I hate to cook and clean, and I shut down in a mess, and I have to pay my family to help me get things in order, and my anxiety keeps me awake at night, and I’m a hypochondriac, and I’m scared of the dark and demons, and I argue everything, and I’m easily overstimulated, and I get cranky when I don’t have control, and my head is full of nightmares and intrusive thoughts, and I’m always obsessed with something new that I’ll never stick to, and i ghost (almost) everyone if I forget to respond for even a day, and I can’t stop quitting jobs the moment I feel even a little less happier than usual, and I take Disney trips and eat out every time I’m feeling sad so I’ll never save a thing, and I don’t go to the gym, and I don’t dress up, and I was awful to every person who every meant something to me, and I don’t even have friends. I’m not just not good at anything. A guy on bumble asked me what I was good at, and I didn’t know what to say. I’m good at my job. How fucking embarrassing. It’s the only thing I’ve stuck with and invested in. I’m good at my job. At arguing. At self diagnosing. And planning Disney trips. At reading people and sensing lies and reading between the lines. At mirroring people. At surviving chaos. I’m not good at anything useful or pretty or kind. I used to be kind. And brave. And so many things, and I’m not. So how can I make you happy? How can I be your sunshine? How can I bring peace and value to your life? I can’t. I don’t have money or talent or looks or anything. I’m indecisive, and I take the path. of least resistance. and I don’t know how to get back the things I lost - my passion and creativity, my bravery, my willingness to stand up for anyone, my unwavering kindness and trust. I used to watch the eclipse on the beach, and I took everyone I met to climb a fucking tree, and I danced in the

rain, and I think I used to be someone worth knowing. but I’m not, and I can’t go on and app and pretend like I am. I’m touch starved, and I crave affection and sex and witty banter, and I’m selfish for wanting from someone what I probable can’t give back. And I’d try. God, I’d fucking try. I’d loved to be so good for someone, but I’m scared to hurt someone good again. And I’m scared to hug someone with sticky, tar-like fingers who won’t let me go, to face-check a relationship because anything seems better then what I had. Either way it feels like I’ll trick someone or I’ll get tricked, and I’m just not here for either.

Dating apps just aren’t for me, I guess. I hate them. But I wish I didn’t.

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[gojonanami]

thinking about tending to nanami’s burn wounds after shibuya and helping him change his bandages and he’s somewhat self-conscious and afraid of you seeing them, trying to insist on having Shoko change them. But you want to help. you couldn’t help him in that fight but you can help him now. and as he relents, he asks you if you think any different of him — he wouldn’t blame you. and to his surprise, you press a light kiss to his bandaged cheek, and tilt your head, as you smile, “they only make me love you more.”

and he knew, more than ever, he wanted to marry you.

and he would.

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[barbedwirechain]

did anyone request uh fire eating dyke? 🔥

[skysglcw]

I’m not crazy (at least I think I’m not) but idk what you call a person who refuses to sleep even if it’s 5 in the morning and has done nothing but scroll through hundreds of posts of Blanche and Dorothy on Tumblr just to fangirl all over for them because you're too overwhelmed by their chemistry and the feeling just makes you hyped even more to the point where you can't sleep anymore because you're too excited although your eyes are burning from staring at the screen too long……

[heavenbarnes]

sometimes I think about how cruel people have been to Samuel Roukin because he’s not the perfect, chiseled, model looking guy they imagine Ghost to be and get so sad :(

Cause like… he’s so fine?? Have you seen the man with a beard?? I’m tearing my hair out

I think people just don’t like that he’s not as bulky as Ghost is but like?? Doesn’t give anyone the right to downright bully him, c’mon people

first and foremost, i’m sure that guy does not care what weirdos on the internet are saying about him because picking apart someone’s appearance is such a loser activity and he’s an adult

secondly, if people actually want someone as anatomically accurate as the way they draw or headcanon simon? they’re going to be shit out of luck because nobody looks like that

saw a gif of the guy the other day, he’s sexy idk

[coredrill]

so like. how many times do you think smith has heard isami say he doesn’t trust bravern and then tried really hard to change that when he becomes bravern only to wind up with the same outcome every single time

[clambuoyance]

I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:

He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.

Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….

spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]

@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit

[starkidobsessedgiantgremlin]

GNAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE I AM FEELING A LOT OF EMOTIONS AT A RAPID RATE

[hoshizoralone]

How did you first get into Nier? And who is your favorite character(s) in each game?

was over at a friend’s house early summer in 2016 and they asked “do you want to play a game about a hot single dad” and that’s how it all started.

my favs are dad nier, yonah, weiss, a2, and 6o :) here is a bad picture of my dad nier shrine on my bookshelf

[dollyyun]

idk might take a break from blr until i return to post dkp finale.

[ifyoucandaniel]

So I read as the worm moon dies by @rollercoasterwords this morning and the only thing on my mind has been this wolf star specifically. I know they’ve only had two conversations so far in the fic and they’re still at the “enemies” (? Strangers? Idk) part of their arc, but I just KNOW this shit is gonna be so good. This is just what I imagine could have happened if Remus accepted sirius’ help and what could still happen hehe anyways everyone go read it it’s making me rabid.

[deus-ex-mona]

anyways, stream aizo’s first song as shibasaki aizo too, in this trying time

[monitorkernelaccess]

I think it probably is more likely that Falin chimera was purposely trying to disarm Laios by crying for help, rather than that part actually being genuine. Cause it happens at a moment when she’s temporarily disarmed from being electrocuted and then she does make a smug face afterwards. But I’m sentimental and I Want To Believe

Uhh it could also maybe be both? Like both an intentional tactic (from the dragon side?) and also a sign that at least some part of Falin is in there and wants to be saved

The way they animate it, her eyes go from dragon-like slitted pupils to normal round pupils as she says it. And then a tear falls from one eye, while the other eye stays completely dry

Looking at all that again with a bit more context and possibly a clearer mind, that looks like it’s all to make the ruse look more realistic. If it were more of an outburst as I originally believed (or was trying to convince myself), then the pupils wouldn’t have changed probably? It seems like an intentional move

In addition to the pupil change, the single tear seems forced as well. Like she could only muster up one fake tear while the other eye remained completely dry.

On the other hand…it’s kinda hard to force tears at all, especially so quickly. And if we imagine for the moment that the tear was genuine, could the fact that it only fell from one eye mean that only half of her was crying? Like maybe the dragon is really mostly in control, but it let Falin out as an emotional manipulation tactic. Meaning that the cry was both genuine and just a combat strategy/self-defense measure.

And I’m still not sure what to make of the fact that she pushes Laios out of the way before crushing Kabru. Like was it just an accident then? Or is it more just a side effect of Laios being essentially the main character and no one in the main party gets killed in that scene? Or…could it still be that maybe, deep down, Falin doesn’t want to hurt her brother?