#I’ll probably do some joyful family stuff

[lizaisdrawing]

Meet the joyfuls 💙💚🧡

Wow this took toooo long.

I hope I did them justice, they’re all so amazingly designed.

[cherryatiny]

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲! 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭

GIFs are not mine, credit goes to their respective owner

❁ 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠

It was no secret that your sugar daddy Hongjoong is a born aristocrat, as his rich taste in everything showed up a lot. Ever since a young age, he was taught to love art in all its forms. When his grandparents passed away sadly, he was the chosen one to inherit the prestigious art gallery their family ran for more than 7 decades.

Although he wasn't an artist of the top level, his love to express himself through art never died. So the very first day he took over the gallery, the first thing he ordered his subordinates to do, was to clear out the smaller room in the back of the director's office.

Soon after, he designed the space to an art studio of his liking, where he could freely spend his free time painting, reconstructing clothes, or just rest while stimulating his brain to function more creatively.

Soon after he met you and you two got into the sugar daddy relationship, he found his muse in you. At first, it started by him just taking pics of you at the moments he deemed to be artsy, not long after that he however started calling you to his little studio in the gallery he ran. Always making you sit or lay down on the old valuable settee, that looked like the ones from Renaissance paintings.

Taking you by your hand, he showed you the paintings of the new exhibition he was preparing. The paintings harmonized well, all of them tuned in a dark abstract setting. Loosening your hand out of his grip, you grasped his wrist the same he did with your often, dragging him to the office. He was slightly taken by surprise as he did not expect you to drag him there since you haven't agreed on him painting you today. „Lay down, for today, you'll be my muse Joongie.“

He was laying on the settee, looking up at the ceiling, so his side-profile was fully visible to you, as you painted him on the canvas. Mixing colours to your liking, you made the portrait of your Hongjoong look abstract, as it matched the art style he often used.

After hours of painting, when you did the last line with your paintbrush, you sighed out tiredly, wiping the sweat off your forehead as you observed your creation. „My muse, you can come here and admire yourself on the canvas.“ Standing up swiftly, he came over to you, leaning forward, his arm wrapping around the shoulder of your sitting self as he was all eyes on the painting.

„It's... spectacular. I- I'm at a loss of words, why did you never tell me you had a talent for painting my darling? If I added this painting to the exhibition there, I can guarantee you, that this will be the most favoured painting in my gallery.“

❁ 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚

You don't even know why you applied to become Seonghwa's secretary a few months ago, considering you've never worked in this type of branch. But it was probably the best decision of your life because if you wouldn't have applied for the secretary position, you wouldn't have met your sugar daddy Seonghwa.

At first, the work was a disaster as your relationship with your boss didn't start off very well. He was giving you tons of work to do, the stupidest arrangements that were completely unnecessary to make, or the most boring workshops and meetings to take you to with him.

But after the one night at a business conference in Milan when you two got closer than one would expect you to and got into the sugar daddy relationship, his attitude to you drastically changed.

Your secret relationship also made him give you easier and different tasks to do, he as well deemed you to be more reliable than before, which resulted in him giving you free hand in literally everything. He was actually taken aback by how competent you were at your tasks. Doing everything you were told to do, ten times better than he would have probably done.

One night, as you two were cuddling on the couch in his place while looking out of the large glass wall with the sighting of the whole town, he spoke out, „Y/N why didn't you tell me you had such talent for scheduling, strategic planning and business stuff? I should have made you the director of strategic planning or something like that. But then... I get to be closer to you when you're my secretary, my beautiful baby.“

❁ 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐨

„Ah, shit! The actress who was supposed to play the walk-on in the hospital scene with Yunho, can't get here as something happened to her. What do we do now?“ yelled the director out of frustration as the actress announced she can't arrive just a few minutes before they were supposed to shoot.

You were just finishing your sugar daddy Yunho's outfit for the shoot as you were the main costumer for this k-drama. Yunho stood up from his seat as you finished his stylist, bending down to plant a kiss on your lips, before going over to the director with a worried look on his usually joyful face.

You were clearing off the stuff you used on him back to where it belonged to. Eyeing Yunho talk with the director from distance, the two of them occasionally flashing looks at you. When they stopped talking, Yunho jogged to you with the beaming smile you knew that well on his face. His puppy-like features always flashed out when he had any good news, giving him the look that was asking him what he wanted to say.

„Get changed. You've got the role of the girl who's missing.“ you raised your eyebrows at what he just said, taken aback as you did not really understand what he was talking about. You and acting? „Come on, get dressed, we don't have much time. Here's the script.“ handing you the bunch of papers and the outfit the girl was supposed to wear, he motioned for you to go to the changing room.

You wiped the sweat off your forehead as you went away from the shooting site. „Wow, ms. Y/N, are you sure you didn't study acting? Although it was supposedly your first time acting, it was so natural. Wow, I'm glad Yunho showed you to me, you are for real like a hidden gem. Would you... maybe be interested in any more acting in future?“ asked the director with a glance of hope in his eyes after you finished shooting the small part in the k-drama your sugar daddy was starred in. Looking at him, wondering what Yunho's opinion was, the proud and encouraging smile on his face hinting that he really wanted you to accept the offer made by his boss.

„I'm so proud of you princess. My little talented actress, I love you.“

❁ 𝐊𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐞𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠

Groaning softly, you rubbed your eyes as you sat up, looking at the empty spot beside you. You were sleeping at Yeosang's home, but as you could see, he didn't seem to be sleeping. Slipping your feet into the fluffy slippers with rabbit eyes, you wrapped your body tighter in Yeosang's shirt you were sleeping in, as the air was rather cool.

Opening the door of his bedroom, you went down the stairs of his apartment, down to the living room where a small table lamp was lit. Your sleepy sugar daddy sitting by the desk covered in many papers that seemed to be related to his prosecutor work.

Approaching him, you caressed his shoulder, which woke him up from his quick nap, „Mhm, Y/N. You can go back to sleep, I'll be there soon, I just have to finish this.“ You knew well that that wasn't the case and he won't be there soon. Sighing, you wrapped your arms around his neck, sitting down on his lap, his hand caressing your exposed thighs. „What are you working on, Yeo?“

„I'm treading through the case files, but I just can't take the next step. The police want me to indict him of murder, but the defendant is justifying himself saying that it was an accident and that he should be only indicted of manslaughter.“ Taking the case files from his hand, you read through them since your unbiased opinion might be of help to him.

Taking a pen from his desk, you underlined the facts you thought were important in your lay opinion. Handing it to him, he read focused on the underlined sentences, his eyes lighting up in hope. „Oh my god, Y/N. You're the saviour of my life, this is the core issue but it hasn't even struck up to me. I love you so much, my little prosecutor.“

❁ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐧

„Sannie, could you please tie my swimsuit?“ you held your hair in a ponytail so it did not get into the way as San tied the ribbon on the back of your swimsuit. You smiled at him as a way to say thank you, leaving the hotel suite your sugar daddy San reserved for you two to enjoy your vacation to the fullest.

San took your hand in his, your fingers intertwining as you walked down the hotel's luxurious corridors to the private beach. „Now, what does my beautiful baby plan on doing today?“ questioned san as he pulled you to him as close as possible. „Hm, I don't know, I'll probably do nothing all day long, just lay on the beach and sunbathe.“

„Then I'll keep you company while you do your nothing.“ giggles were leaving you two as you talked more while on the way to the sea. But as you started nearing the beach, loud dance music coming from the speakers. „What's that...?“ As you got to the beach, a group of people was doing dance work-outs there to the rhythm of the music.

„I have no idea what they are doing, but let's try Y/N“ and without giving you a chance to protest, San tugged you there by your wrist, right to the centre of the imaginary dance floor. He started dancing just as the instructor did, gesturing you to do the same.

Soon after you submitted to his nagging, doing the same as him to the rhythm of the energetic music. „Y/N, you're doing so well. Would I have known about your talent to dance, I would have taken you to some studio a long ago.“

❁ 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢

After that one ball, you two met together at, you got invited to countless more balls to keep your boss company. Over that many times you two spent together, you get to know each other more and more until eventually, he somehow became your sugar daddy and boyfriend in one.

Tonight was very special, Mingi as the chairman of one of the biggest conglomerates in the country, got invited to the ball held by the president for the most influential people in the country. And when he stopped by your apartment with a beautiful night-robe, a pair of brand-new heels and a golden envelope with the letter of invitation in it, you almost fainted from the delight you felt.

Sometimes he couldn’t help but watch you like a movie on nights like this. Because you seemed so interested in these events, that it truly amazed him how you could act so interested in the talk of the attendants when it bore him to death. You just seemed so natural at attending events like this, you could dance, you knew all the protocol rules, you could pretend interest or know how to answer to the business talk others often held with you. He just couldn’t help but admire the talent you had for the formal events.

Excusing you from their speech, Mingi wrapped his arms around your waist, taking you to the middle of the dance floor as your favourite dance song was playing. Moving slowly, you melted into his touch as you enjoyed each other’s presence dancing the slow dances. „I'm amazed my dear Y/N, I can't bring myself to be interested in talking to these egoistic geezers for more than 5 minutes. Thank god I have you, my talented princess.“

❁ 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠

When you spent the night at your sugar daddy Wooyoung’s place, you usually weren’t allowed to even be near the kitchen as he insisted “he treats his princess food and she shouldn’t cook, because what if she cuts herself?” so today, as he had to rush to the work early in the morning because of some urgent, leaving you in his immense mansion alone.

And that meant you had a free pass to cook something in his kitchen. But seeing how emptied his fridge was, you opted for something more simple in a form of stir-fried tofu with vegetables. Washing the fresh vegetables thoroughly, you dried them, placing them on the breadboard, to cut them. All of his knives were sharp as Wooyoung was doing his best to keep his kitchen in the best state.

Throwing the tofu cubes onto the pan with a heated droplet of olive oil, you stirred them until they roasted into golden colour, adding the cut vegetables and cooking rice in the meanwhile. Not at all realizing that there was a pair of eyes watching you from the doorframe.

Leaving you like that, Wooyoung in the meanwhile went to change into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, maybe a quick shower. And so when he came back, you were already turning off the stove. „Well, well, well, what do I see? Looks like someone used my kitchen behind my back.“

You jumped in your place lightly, your breathing heavy at how startled you were upon Wooyoung talking to you out of nowhere. „Jung Wooyoung, for how long have you been there?“ he put on a grimace, pretending to be pondering over it. „Probably ever since you added the veggies to eat and started singing to those annoying songs.“

„They’re not annoying, you’re just too old to understand them. Anyway, if you want to nag at me for using your kitchen, do it after you taste my delicious meal. Seems like you were in rush this morning, so you probably haven’t eaten anything“ Placing the plate in front of him, you sat opposite of him, waiting to see what his reaction would be as he had never tasted your cookings before.

„Mhmm, are you sure you’ve cooked it yourself? If so... why have I never let you in my kitchen, when this is so delicious? Gosh, my princess is such a good cook.“ Your smile was full of delight at his compliment as you watched him stuff his mouth full of your food.

❁ 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨

„Y/N, I’m going to the restroom, you’ll wait for me, right?“ you nodded, watching your sugar daddy Jongho leave the studio. Standing up, you sat down on the now-emptied armchair in front of the PC screens, your eyes scanning the colourful music segments on the screen.

You picked up the sheaf of papers with the notes to his newest song, along with the lyrics he’s written himself. Your eyes ran over the notes and the lyrics and as you were re-reading the text for the 3rd time, you started humming to it, trying to get the right melody Jongho was intending on having in the song.

Opening the door to the studio, Jongho noticed you sitting on the chair, your back turned to him and that resulted in you still being oblivious to his presence. And he didn’t dare to make a move, standing in the door-frame and watching you humming to the song in amazement that you weren’t tone-deaf like most non-musical people were, as you hit all the tones.

„Woah Y/N, are you a trained singer or something? Why didn’t you tell me you were good at music? I would have taken you here long time ago...“

❁ taglist : @galaxteez @gyubaby @bobateastay @tinytinyblogs @ateezinmymind @chososchaos @cvtiehoon @a-soft-hornytiny

[bandaigaeru]

i'll be home for christmas - yang jeongin

→word count: 1k →pairing: jeongin x gn reader →a/n: have this short little xmas thing as my gift to you lol. merry christmas! see you all next year

High school already feels so far away now that you’ve reached the finale of your first semester away at college. The joy that normally comes with Christmas is consumed by the fact that childhood has never felt so distant. No longer do you feel like a child returning home with a joyful heart at the idea of Christmas. Instead, there’s nothing but yearning for childhood to approach you again.

Leaving the train station with a suitcase trailing behind you and a bag hanging from your shoulders, you inhale the cold winter air. It smells like Christmas, the smell of pollution that taints the air mixed with the brew of snow falling gently from the clouds. The weight you drag reminds you of a time when your father would tote your bags around, and you’ve never felt more alone in this vast world.

The streets of Busan are busy, per usual, as everyone rushes to complete gift shopping. It’s Christmas Eve, their last chance.

It’s a miracle you can hail a taxi of your own.

“Home for the holidays?” the driver asks as he takes your suitcase and stuffs it into the trunk.

“Mhm,” you hum, pulling the back door open and slipping inside. The heat blasts from the A/C and dries your eyes out, but at least you’re safe from the nipping breeze outside.

You offer an address to the driver, and he promptly plugs it into the GPS.

The ride is quiet and you use this time to stare out the window, watching as the snowflakes rush to the sidewalk. Part of you wants to ask the man about his plans, but he seems serene with his eyes glued to the road. You imagine a false life for him, hoping that some parts are true. He’s working on Christmas Eve for the same reason everyone else is. A kid at home with big dreams the man wants to help them reach.

The streets become more familiar as you draw closer to ‘home’. You know you’re there when the car brakes in front of a house with white lights lining the roof. The only one in the neighborhood. Dad always thought they were better than the colorful ones, and Mom always nodded in agreement.

As you pay the driver, he grins, ��Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, sir,” you mimic his glee.

You wait and watch the car’s lights fade into the dark night before dragging your things up to the front door. A deep breath invades your lungs as you raise your fist to knock (Mom hates the sound of the doorbell), but a voice interrupts you.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you were coming home for Christmas!”

Your head swivels to the voice. A brunette boy smiles over the wall separating your house and the neighbor’s. His folded arms are resting on the cemented bricks, his chin resting upon them.

“Same for you.” You smile not to match his energy, but because it is an innate requirement.

“You know I have to come home. I have a little brother to amuse, you know?”

Yang Jeongin has a small, high dimple on his cheek. It flares when he talks about his family especially.

“So, how’s college up at Seoul University?” Jeongin tilts his head to get a better look at you.

“It’s good,” you nod, “not easy, that’s for sure.”

Jeongin giggles, “Right. But I’m sure you’re doing fine. You were always super good at all that academic stuff.”

Despite the freezing air biting at your cheeks, you feel warmth when he says this. It starts in your face, and then travels to your stomach.

“I’m glad you think so highly of me.”

“Always have,” he admits. Then, before you can interject, he says, “Go inside. Your parents probably miss you. I’ll catch you later.”

He hops down from the box giving him height to rest on the wall, and you hear him disappear into his house. You think you stood out in the snow for another ten minutes before finally knocking on the door to your home.

Christmas passes like it always does, in an underwhelming fall after the month-long build up. Your parents have gone to some New Year’s party for the day, even though there’s still four days remaining of the year.

The couch provides for a good resting spot for you and the family dog, Lucky, as you rewatch movies from childhood. Funnily enough, you’re not watching it. Neither is Lucky, as she snores loudly on your chest. You stare somewhere beyond the TV, thinking about Yang Jeongin.

He’s a cliche when paired with you. Childhood friends, neighbors nonetheless. Best friends all throughout school, but managed to grow distant when college came around.

There’s a knock on the door that pulls you from the pondering.

You push the sleeping dog off of you and take your time stumbling to the door. When you pull it open, Yang Jeongin’s little brother smiles up at you. You can see the resemblance clearly in the smiles.

He has a letter in his hands, folded neatly in half.

“This is for you,” he sheepishly sticks it out. You take it from his hands, and he quickly bows before running off.

“Dear Y/N,

Thank you for coming home for Christmas. I couldn’t find a way to admit this in person because it’s a little embarrassing, so I’ll say it here: your presence has been a greater present than anything I could ever receive. Don’t forget about me while you’re in college! Remember the cute boy who grew up with you, for he could never forget you.

Love only,

Yang Jeongin”

Peeking your head out of the doorframe, you glance over at the tall wall from which he normally talks to you. Though the boy isn’t there, you can feel him staring at you still.

Laughing, cheeks warm with gratitude, you call out, “I could never forget you, Yang Jeongin. Maybe you should text me more though so I really don’t.”

Your phone buzzes in your pocket almost instantly.

Yang Jeongin: Are you free on New Year’s Eve? I have a hunch you could use company.

You feel again a child as you stare down at your phone with a smile, thumbs typing out a “I’m free.”

Winter break just needs to last a little longer.

[whumpmatsus]

So. Todomatsu always ACTS like he hates that Karamatsu is so eccentric, but we all know he actually doesn't mind that much. If anyone else made fun of him for that stuff, I can't help but think he wouldn't let it fly. So what about a situation where Karamatsu gets made fun of/bullied/put down by someone OUTSIDE the family for being the way he be and Todomatsu gets an opportunity to go into full protective mode over him??

OH SHIT the youngest of them goes feral

dare I say... RELEASE THE BABY!!!!!

God I love Zaimoku, it’s so good <3

-

If Totty is being completely, utterly, unfailingly honest with himself, his brothers need his help if one of them is going to be going on a date.

Really, he’s the only one who has any clue about how to act on a date! He could hit his big brothers over the head with a Clue-by-four with that shit and they still wouldn’t really get it.

Even so… part of him thinks he shouldn’t really be following Karamatsu to a date. Karamatsu is the one Totty knows is never going to come running to him for advice or assistance, especially with girls; he’s got the undeserved ego of an avocado toast sandwich. Totty isn’t sure he’d be pleased to know his baby brother tagged along not because he has to sort out a schedule thing at work, but because he wants to keep an eye on Karamatsu.

What else is he supposed to do, though? Just let Karamatsu go alone and totally blow it? His usual behavior aside, Totty really wants his big brothers to be happy and have fulfilling relationships. He thinks if he can be there to keep an eye on things, well, maybe it won’t go so bad. Maybe Karamatsu will have a shot with this woman. Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend!

The very idea was enough to make him feel a little better about lying so that his brother will take him along. It eases his conscience, imagining that if he manages to help Karamatsu out to the point that the second eldest ends up in a loving, joyful relationship, (obviously as opposed to the past few horrible ones he’s had), then a little fib isn’t so bad, is it?

After all, if he were the one in need of something like this, he’d be grateful for his brothers’ help however they did it.

Of course, when he sees the look this girl gives Karamatsu, a look like the kind a baby gives after licking a lemon for the first time, Totty can’t help but wince. This isn’t off to a great start. He lingers by the counter, greeting Sacchi and Aida, trying not to look as if he’s watching his big brother’s date.

“Aren’t you off today, Totty?” Sacchi hums as she turns to start making a drink.

He nods. “Yeah, well, I can’t stay away, I guess, haha.”

Aida jerks her head toward the table where Karamatsu and his date are. “That’s one of your brothers, right? Still as painful as ever,” she teases. “Is he… oh, my God, he’s on a date??”

“Shhhh, shh!” Totty waves his hands a little, hoping to get his friends to quiet down a little. The last thing Karamatsu needs is to be drawing attention. “He thinks I tagged along to talk to you guys about my schedule. But, yes, he’s here on a date.”

Sacchi finishes serving her customer, one of the few in the shop at the moment, and then leans against the counter to look over. “Aw, good for him. He’s not either of our types, but he deserves a shot with someone who’s interested.”

He lets out a soft sigh. “Agreed there. I kind of just wanna keep an eye on him, you know? To make sure he doesn’t mess it up too much. He should have let me pick his outfit, ugh… that aside, he’s doing okay so far, though, I think.”

Aida frowns as she slides a cup of coffee toward her coworker. “Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but he’s got his work cut out for him. I’ve been to some mixers with that girl, and she always finds something wrong with every guy she hangs out with.”

“She’s right,” Sacchi adds. “Good thing you came along so you can carry him home, ‘cause that girl’s gonna tear him to pieces. I mean, she went out with Atsushi and the next day he was in here crying and telling me she made him feel two inches tall. Nobody’s good enough for her.”

Aida clicks her tongue. “Your big brother’s in big trouble, Totty.”

It’s Totty’s turn to frown as he looks toward Karamatsu. Unfortunately, Sutabaa is so small and he’s close enough that he doesn’t have to strain too much to hear what’s being said.

The woman is laughing. However… Karamatsu hasn’t even really opened his mouth yet. “Oh, my God! You’re my date, huh? Last time I let my sister set me up. That bitch, haha. Ah, well… wow, your jacket is hurting my eyes. Could you take it off?”

Karamatsu seems to be trying his best to smile. “O-oh, yes, of course.” He moves to tug it off, folding it over the back of his chair. “Please forgive me. Anyway, my name is Karamatsu. And you, my angel?”

“Ahaha, WHAT?” The woman raises an eyebrow at him. “C’mon, dude. Don’t call me that. I’m nobody’s angel.”

Totty feels himself starting to steam. You’ve got that right.

“A-ah… right, my apologies.” Karamatsu just keeps smiling. The expression on his face reads almost like he’s in pain. “Well, should we order?”

She gives a cursory glance toward the menu, then suddenly her eyes are drawn to Karamatsu again. “Oh, my God, hold on… is… is that your face on your shirt?! Holy shit! Are you really that full of yourself?”

Totty’s heart sinks as his brother’s cheeks flush bright red. This is not going well. And while, yes, Karamatsu probably should have picked a different shirt, what’s really wrong with what he’s wearing? Even though he’s a little over-the-top and dramatic, this woman can’t know whether or not he’s ‘full of himself’ when she’s barely letting him get a word in.

Totty is the most socially intelligent of his brothers, and even he doesn’t think Karamatsu’s actually doing anything wrong. He hasn’t drawn anyone else’s attention like he usually does, he hasn’t gone overboard with any poses, and he’s… kind of just being himself, slightly toned down. It’s not like he’s bragging or being a jerk. Hell, it’s just a strange fashion choice; how the hell does she think it has any bearing on what he’s like as a person?

“Damn,” Sacchi cringes. “She’s not wasting any time, is she?”

Aida gives a pout toward her friends. “He didn’t even do anything wrong yet. He’s been a perfect gentleman.”

“Yeah, he’s just a little odd and, like, a tiny bit painful. But he’s acting really nice and polite.” Sacchi sighs as she props her head up on her hand. “There’s no pleasing some people. Aida, why don’t you go take their order? Maybe you can accidentally spill it on that pretentious top of hers when you bring it to them.”

“Pfff, if only. I’m on it, though.”

Totty continues to fume as he watches his poor brother try to impress this girl, pretty much in vain. He gets the feeling that nothing Karamatsu says or does is going to be good enough. For some reason, that really pisses him off. Despite the fact that Karamatsu can be a bit much, that he’s overcompensating for being insecure on the inside, that everyone rolls their eyes at him… Karamatsu isn’t a bad guy. He tries hard to make other people happy and treats them with respect. Even his brothers who don’t always return the favor.

By the point Sacchi and Aida are finished making their order, the youngest is ready to explode at this woman. She never even told Karamatsu her name, but she’s spent the whole time talking him down. When she asked what he did ‘besides be super excruciating’, and he told her he didn’t really have a job, she laughed at him. He tried to save it by saying he occasionally played guitar at coffee shops, and she responded something along the lines of, “What kind of hipster loser does that these days??”

Listening to it just makes him so angry. She doesn’t think Karamatsu is attractive, she’s called him embarrassing more than once, and no matter what he does or says, she’s not happy with it. Why the fuck did she even bother going out with him, then?

Totty was worried that Karamatsu was going to screw this up; so far he’s actually managed to be a decent date. He wasn’t prepared for his brother’s date to be the shitty one.

Sacchi brings him a simple iced coffee while Aida returns with the serving tray, a fake smile on her face from laughing uncomfortably at one of the woman’s comments. “God, she’s exhausting.”

“I don’t even know her and I can’t stand her,” Totty mutterrs before taking a sip of his drink. “Why the hell is she treating him like that? He’s just… being himself!”

Being himself. Karamatsu’s really not doing anything wrong. He’s trying to talk himself up when this woman gives him a chance to, but who doesn’t talk themself up on a first date? He just wants to impress her.

It makes Totty feel a little guilty to realize that, honestly, all Karamatsu really wants is to impress everyone because he wants people to like him… including his brothers. If Karamatsu feels the need to seek love and acceptance from strangers like this girl, to the point that he’s willing to put up with the horrible way she’s treating him, what does that say about his brothers? It’s not the first time he’s sucked it up and dealt with something he shouldn’t have from someone just because he wants that person to love him.

His attention is drawn by the woman giggling a little too loudly. “Fuck, you wanna go out with me again? I mean, how do you think this is going? I’m two seconds away from sneaking out the bathroom window. You’re so obnoxious, you dress like an edgy middle schooler, and who wears sunglasses inside, especially when it’s raining outside? You’re, like, cringe incarnate.”

Completely contradicting every statement she made, she slid her hand across the table to take his, if only for a brief moment. The wicked look in her eyes, more sadistic than even Ichimatsu, made Totty’s stomach twist in anger. “I might keep you around, though. You seem like a guy who’d keep me laughing for a while. Maybe next time I’ll take you out with my friends so everyone can laugh at you.”

Oh, that’s it.

He doesn’t know if Karamatsu is oblivious to what she means because he’s blinded and deafened by the promise of another date, or if he knows exactly what she means but perhaps thinks it’s worth it. His eyes light up… and behind that hopeful spark is the pain she’s already put him through.

Baby of the bunch though he is, Totty isn’t going to sit around and twiddle his thumbs while some bitch takes advantage of his big brother.

“Oh, that is sooooo not happening!” he calls as he approaches the table. Although he feels a little bad about just stepping in like this, he’s not gonna let her get away with treating Karamatsu like that. Laughing at him herself was bad enough; parading him in front of her friends for all of them to laugh at him when there’s nothing wrong with Karamatsu isn’t gonna happen if Totty has something to say about it.

The woman gives him an unimpressed look. “Who the fuck are you?”

“T-Totty!!” Karamatsu,  on the other hand, looks immediately panicked. “I can handle this… please, go back and fix your schedule, and I’ll meet you at home.”

“Wait, you work here?” She tilts her head at him. “Oh, shit, hold up. You’re the asshole who messed up my drink last time I was here.” Her gaze flits between the two of them, and she laughs again.

“― Oh, my God! You had to bring your twin brother along to come on a date? You’re pathetic!” Her hand pulls away from Karamatsu’s. “Oh, you’re definitely coming out with me and my friends.”

Totty hisses and pushes her hand away from Karamatsu’s. He steps in front of his big brother to physically block this woman from him. “Keep your hands off him! You’re not taking him anywhere. He’s never seeing you again, because you treated him like… like, fuck, I wouldn’t treat a rock the way you treated him!”

He hears Karamatsu make a noise of almost-protest behind him; he can just imagine the other man sinking down in his seat and trying to hide his face. “Totty, please…”

“No! No, she doesn’t get to just treat you like dirt, Karamatsu-nii-san! You think my brother’s just some kind of dumbass you can show off to your friends and laugh at and treat him like crap?!” he snarls. “Well, guess what? He may be sort of a dumbass sometimes, and maybe he’s a little painful, and maybe he’s not the perfect guy you’re looking for! But he’s a whole hell of a better person than you are!”

Although Totty could kick himself for not saying anything to Karamatsu before, it might be best it’s coming out now. He doesn’t have a lot of time to really think about it or pretend or rehearse. What he’s saying isn’t practiced, it’s real. “Karamatsu is the kindest person I know, and you wish you had at least half the passion he does for the things he likes! Who cares that he wears a shirt with his own face on it? He was bending over backwards to make you happy, even though everything out of your mouth was word barf about how embarrassing he is! And, by the way, you’re wrong!”

It only takes half a step for him to reach over to grab his coffee from the counter, assisted by Aida who’s smirking as she holds it out for him. “If my choice was between you or him, I’d be way less embarrassed to be seen in public with him than with you! He’s not perfect, but he cares about people, and he’s always there when you need him, and ― and all this stuff you think is embarrassing, who the hell gives a shit?! It’s what he wants to do and it’s not hurting anyone! I’d break my phone before I let my big brother go out with someone like you again! Maybe he keeps striking out with dates, but he’s never going to be that desperate!”

He feels a little bad about what he’s about to do. That feeling is mitigated by the fact that at least his coffee isn’t hot.

“And, you know, I actually am sorry about messing up your drink last time. So here, you can have mine!” Almost before he’s finished speaking, he’s dumped his entire cup over her head.

He doesn’t stick around to deal with the aftermath aside from seeing the look of abject horror on the woman’s face as the coffee makes her bad mascara drip. And even though there’s a little bit of guilt over the fact that he’s leaving his coworkers to deal with her, the fact that Sacchi and Aida are cackling while they gather up napkins eases his mind.

He grabs Karamatsu by the hand and leads him out, tossing his coffee cup on the way. There’s not much choice on Karamatsu’s part, except he doesn’t particularly look as if he minds that.

“You didn’t… have to do that, Totty,” Karamatsu mumbles. When Totty glances over, the second eldest looks more tired than anything. He knows that look; the exhaustion of something not working out, of thinking you had a chance only for it to all go up in smoke.

Totty huffs, marching the two of them in the direction that leads back home. “Of course I did! You weren’t going to do it, so someone had to. God… you’ve gotta stop letting people walk all over you, Karamatsu-nii-chan.”

The shift to the more affectionate honorific suggests to Karamatsu that this is really, truly something Totty cares about. He squeezes his baby brother’s hand with a thoughtful hum. “… If that’s the case, perhaps a romance for me just isn’t in the cards. I… really thought it was going to go somewhere this time.”

At last Totty slows slightly, from an aggressive pace to something a little calmer. He’s still pissed off that someone treated Karamatsu like that, and although he’s a bit upset that Karamatsu sit there and let it happen, he knows what it’s like to want people to like you so much that you’ll put up with nearly anything.

However, that’s also the reason he doesn’t want Karamatsu just putting up with it. He deserves so much better than to have people treat him like dirt. It’s not right to do that to anybody, but… especially not to Totty’s big brother.

“I’m sorry I kind of… tapped into Murder Totty in there,” he sighs. “Did I go overboard?”

Karamatsu shrugs. “Maybe a little. But I wasn’t truly enjoying myself and I didn’t want to go on another date with her. I just… didn’t know how to tell her no. I suppose I really am lucky you were there, too.”

Silence falls between them while they walk, then after a moment, Karamatsu clears his throat. “Totty… did you… mean all those things?”

“Huh? All what things?”

“Those things, you know… you said I was… kind and passionate and reliable.” He lets out a soft laugh. “You… you said you’d rather break your phone than let me go out with her again.”

… Oh. He. Did say that, didn’t he?

He pouts a bit, then squeezes Karamatsu’s hand. “Yeah, I meant it. Of course I meant it.”

Beat.

“But as much as I love you, I’m just glad I don’t have to do that.”

[klaineficroulettechallenge-us]

Chapter 9 By starpunchsoup

Wednesday, April 11

Kurt saw Blaine leaving the choir room at the end of the school day just in time to loop his arm around Blaine’s elbow. “Hey, you.”

“Hm?” Blaine acknowledged, snapping back into reality. “Oh, hey, Kurt.”

“‘Oh, hey, Kurt?’ Really?” Kurt teased but then stopped when he noticed the expression on his pretend boyfriend’s face. “What’s wrong? You seem totally out of it.”

“What? No. I’m fine.” Blaine tried to paste on a smile, but Kurt glared right through him. “Ugh, why do I bother trying to hide anything from you?” Blaine whined, half-pathetically and half-adorably. “It’s just family stuff.”

Kurt softened at that. He knew when Blaine needed some teasing to lighten the mood and when he genuinely needed a shoulder to lean on. Kurt decided right then and there to snuff out any snark in his system and be there for his best friend. “Oh? But I thought you and Cooper worked everything out before he flew back to L.A.?”

Blaine shrugged as both boys made their way out of the school building. “We did, and I’m very thankful for it. I dunno. It’s just…despite knowing why he did it, it’s not like three days of being on good terms with Coop is going to erase roughly 14 years of feeling like I’m not good at anything. It’s just kind of complicated, I guess, and I’m really confused, and everything just feels weird.”

Kurt wrapped his arm around Blaine’s shoulders. “I’m really sorry everything feels so messy right now. I hope you feel better soon.” Blaine turned in Kurt’s grasp for a proper hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Kurt’s midsection. “I know it doesn’t make the old hurt go away, but I really do think you’re incredibly talented. You’re a star, Blaine. You light up every room you’re in.” Kurt was no stranger to complimenting Blaine, but he tried to be more sincere than usual. Fake relationship or not, Blaine was clearly having a hard week, and nothing was going to stop Kurt from trying to make him smile again.

“Thank you, Kurt.” Blaine gave Kurt a tight squeeze before letting go. “I should probably head home. I’ll call you later?”

Kurt nodded, and both boys walked across the parking lot to get to their separate cars, but Kurt made sure to send out a single text to Mercedes before starting his engine.

Kurt: Call the house phone whenever you get home. I could use your help!

—*—

Kurt flopped onto his bed, the house phone pressed tightly to his ear. “Mercedes, I need ideas. Stat.”

Mercedes’ joyful laugh came through the speaker. “Damn, Kurt, you’ve got it bad! Okay. So, what is the idea here? Are you actually trying to cheer the boy up, or are you trying to put the moves on him?”

Kurt rubbed at his cheek in uncertainty. “Both? I don’t know! I definitely want to make him feel better, but I have no idea how to breach any of our feelings with him.”

Mercedes paused. “Wait, wait, wait. ‘Our’? Do you think he has feelings for you, too?”

Kurt shifted uncomfortably in place. “I don’t know. I thought we were going to kiss, like for real, just for us, at that party… But then you showed up, and neither of us have brought it up since. Not that I blame you! I just… I really don’t know where we stand.”

“Kurt! You are so oblivious. Oh, my god. Put the moves on him already! I see the way you guys look at each other; there’s no way you could fake it. He clearly loves you, too.”

 Kurt could feel Mercedes’s excitement through the phone, and it was almost enough to make him smile. Almost.

“But what then? Say we admit we have feelings for each other. Then what? Things with Sebastian were really bad. Still sort of are, hence why I’m using the house phone instead of my cell. Did I tell you that little creep copied my phone? Blaine already has enough on his plate. I’m not sure if he’d even be ready for a real relationship. Hell, when I initially asked him about this fake boyfriend thing, he looked like he was going to be sick. He’s been handling everything okay for now, but what if admitting my feelings makes him feel even worse?” Kurt had had all of these anxieties circling around his head for weeks now, and it felt so good to finally talk to somebody about it all.

“Hold on. Sebastian copied your phone?” Mercedes said, disgust clear in her tone.

“Yeah. I think he broke into my locker and stole the SIM card. I’m pretty sure he’s been monitoring my texts to see if me and Blaine are faking. I don’t know if that extends to phone calls, too, so I figured this would be safest.” Kurt shrugged, but he still felt so heavy with worry. “God, Mercedes, I have no clue what I’m doing.”

“Okay. First off? Screw Sebastian. If he wants to be obsessed with you guys, that’s his issue. Let’s work on yours for right now, okay? Blaine is feeling insecure, right? What do you think would make him feel appreciated in this moment?” Mercedes prompted, getting the gears turning in Kurt’s head.

“Um…he always likes when I bring him food! He always does that cute little bashful head bow whenever I give him something I made.” Kurt thought out loud, gently tapping his chin.

Mercedes waited a moment before she spoke again. “Kurt. I have the best idea ever.”

—*—

Giddily hanging up with Mercedes, Kurt brought out his cell phone to text Blaine.

Kurt: Hey! Are you doing anything tonight?

Kurt patiently awaited a response, not wanting to get everything prepared for tonight if Blaine couldn’t even make it.

Kurt paced his room for a moment before he decided that he should pull together an outfit while he waited. He made sure that his phone ringer was on before he walked over to his closet to rummage through his wardrobe. He had just decided on a pair of dark green jeans when he heard his phone go off.

Blaine: I don’t think so. My dad isn’t in town, so I don’t even think there’s a real plan for dinner tonight. You got something in mind?

Kurt smiled wide.

Kurt: Come over at 7:30. I have a surprise for you. :)

Kurt quickly went to work after that. He settled on his dark green jeans, a dark brown button-down, a navy vest with a matching jacket, and a long, forest green tie with metallic gold swirls; he set the clothes aside on his bed so he could cook without getting food splatters on his date outfit. Kurt didn’t have lots of time to get ready, but he was able to pull together a simple thyme and sage risotto with roasted vegetables on the side, homemade garlic bread, and a small dark chocolate and raspberry cheesecake. Kurt tried not to indulge like this too much, especially since he’d started looking after his father’s health as well, but Kurt knew that there were very few problems that dairy and carbs couldn’t fix.

“Hey, kiddo. Smells good in here,” Burt said halfway through the vegetables roasting. “I thought we were ordering pizza for dinner tonight, though; what’s all this for?”

Kurt couldn’t help his smile. “Oh, I’m throwing an impromptu date for me and Blaine tonight. His brother just went back home after a visit, and while things are good between them now, Blaine is still feeling a little upset because things with his brother weren’t always this…stable. I’m just trying to cheer him up.” Kurt kept stirring his risotto, checking that the rice was absorbing the chicken stock the way he wanted it to.

“That’s really thoughtful of you, Kurt,” his dad said, clapping a hand on his shoulder affectionately. “Have I ever told you how glad I am that you guys finally got together? You two are good for each other.”

Kurt resisted the urge to wince, considering he and Blaine weren’t actually together. Instead, he just smiled wider. “He makes me really happy,” Kurt admitted quietly.

Burt gently patted the back of Kurt’s head, making sure not to mess up his hair, and left him to his cooking.

—*—

Blaine knocked at the Hudson-Hummel house at exactly 7:30, and Kurt was fully dressed in his pre-planned outfit when he answered the door.

Blaine looked taken aback for a moment. “Wow. Hello, handsome.”

Kurt felt the blush creep high on his cheeks. “You think so? I wanted to make this special.”

Blaine smiled softly for the first time Kurt had seen that day. “Yes, I do. And you wanted to make what special?”

Kurt stepped outside, closing the front door behind him. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

Kurt took Blaine’s hand and walked around the back of the house, where the scene was set up for the two of them. Kurt had a picnic blanket spread out in the middle of the backyard, complete with a picnic basket, that was surrounded by battery-operated tealight candles so Kurt couldn’t accidentally burn his own house down. It wasn’t much, but Kurt could still see the excitement in Blaine’s eyes.

“Kurt? What’s all this?” Blaine asked incredulously.

“It’s an ‘I-Hate-Seeing-My-Fake-Boyfriend-Be-Actually-Sad’ picnic!” Kurt explained as he walked over to the blanket to kick his shoes off.

Blaine followed suit, a small, disbelieving smile still painted his face. “Kurt. You didn’t have to do all of this.”

Kurt opened up the basket, bringing items out to finish setting the scene. A half-full pitcher of lemonade from his fridge, serving spoons, glassware, the whole nine yards. Kurt was going to be up until one a.m. doing the dishes, but seeing Blaine’s smile made it all worth it to him. “Of course, I did.” Kurt held out a plastic champagne flute for Blaine. “You said yourself you didn’t have any dinner plans.”

Blaine grabbed the glass from Kurt but kept it tilted towards him so they could clink their glasses together. “You are absolutely incredible.”

Kurt shrugged, ignoring the way he could literally feel his face heat up. “You were having a bad day. You should be appreciated more, so…here I am, appreciating you.”

Kurt swore he could see a blush appear on Blaine’s face, too. “Well, thank you. This all smells delicious, by the way.”

The two boys ate in comfortable silence for most of the meal, not feeling the need to add anything on to the moment. Once most of the food was consumed, they packed everything back in the basket and laid down on the blanket to look at the stars. It was a fairly clear night, and the best part about living in a small area of Ohio was that there were no big airports or traffic to cause light pollution.

“I don’t know the last time I just sat and looked at the stars,” Blaine stated quietly. “My grandpa used to take me out with this big old telescope to point out constellations, but that was years ago.”

“Do you remember any of them?” Kurt asked while he turned his head to glance at Blaine. His muscled arms were relaxed above his head, his hands supported the back of his skull, and there was a look of tranquility on his face that Kurt hadn’t seen in a while.

Blaine moved his head a little bit to free his right arm so he could point. “Well, that’s Orion’s belt. I’m pretty sure they’re connected to the rest of Orion, but I don’t remember the shape of it,” Blaine said with a self-conscious laugh. “Um…next to him is Gemini, your star sign, but that one kind of gets lost on me, too. Like, I can see their hands holding, but not much else.”

“Still, you know more than I do. And why aren’t I surprised that you know my zodiac?” Kurt teased, nudging Blaine’s shoulder with his own.

“It’s just a thing I do! I know the whole Glee Club’s zodiacs just because I have their birthdays written down. It’s not like I have anybody’s whole birth charts memorized,” Blaine defends, but he smiled when he talked, so Kurt hoped he wasn’t actually upset at being called an astrology bitch.

“Uh-huh. Sure.” Kurt teased further, earning another shoulder check from Blaine. Kurt shoved him back, and Blaine decided to play dirty by leaning over to ruffle Kurt’s hair.

Kurt almost said something snarky, but his words got caught in his throat when he looked into Blaine’s eyes. Blaine, strong and kind and handsome Blaine, half leaning over Kurt and half laying down next to him. Blaine, the only thing Kurt could see in that moment.

“I think my dad is watching. You should kiss me,” Kurt lied, barely above a whisper.

Blaine didn’t even look at the house behind him before he leaned in. Blaine’s lips were soft against Kurt’s, and there was very little pressure behind it. Tentative almost. Kurt took in a deep breath through his nose and leaned up a little bit to get closer. Grabbing the back of Blaine’s head with one arm and lifting himself up with the other, Kurt almost couldn’t believe it. He knew he’d set up this big romantic picnic for Blaine to make him feel cherished and special, but still. He didn’t think the night was going to end with him kissing Blaine, tenderly and sweetly. Cherished.

Blaine pulled away slowly after a few moments, lightly biting his bottom lip. “It’s, um… It’s getting late. I should probably go before my mom starts to worry. But all of this…” Blaine gestured vaguely around him, his eyes quickly looking over Kurt one more time. “All of this was amazing. Thank you.”

Kurt still felt a little breathless, but he managed a smile before he found his voice again (Did he always sound so airy when talking to Blaine?). “Anytime.”

Kurt helped Blaine up from the blanket so the boys could make their way towards Blaine’s car. Blaine gave Kurt a hug goodbye, but alas, not a second kiss. Kurt wasn’t surprised or even hurt by the gesture, but he would’ve been lying if he said he wasn’t hopeful for another one.

Waving goodbye to Blaine, Kurt decided right then and there that speaking his feelings was out of the question. Kurt felt like he’d made as big of a move as he could, and unless Blaine was going to initiate the conversation, Kurt wasn’t going to cross any more lines. Blaine’s comfort and presence in Kurt’s life was what mattered most, and Kurt didn’t want to do anything else that might jeopardize that.

Blaine Anderson, the ball is in your court. Please don’t leave me waiting much longer.

Note from GleefulDarrenCrissFan: I intended to post this earlier today, but I have not been feeling well. To make up for it, I', posting a chapter today and tomorrow. The next chapter is by Esperanto. After this, only 6 more chapters. Also, I have a new story coming out on Saturday called Perfectly Imperfect. Don't forget to comment. We love hearing from you all.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Twenty-One ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 4032

Warnings: None

A/n Hello! Sorry I’ve been absent! Life got a little crazy with family visiting and school starting again, but I’m happy to be back! I’ll see you again Wednesday with the regularly-scheduled update :)

I wake with my face buried in the crook of someone’s neck. Pushing against the solid mattress, I raise myself up and try to remember where I am. But the solidness beneath me isn’t the mattress at all. It’s Haldir’s chest. I sit up straighter, realizing that, in the night, I’d pulled myself almost completely on top of him.

He moves as he chuckles, bringing a hand up to tuck my surely wild hair behind my ear. I look down to find him smiling up at me, looking much more awake than I feel. “Good morning.”

I purse my lips, trying not to show how much I enjoy the sight of him in my bed, the feeling of waking up with him. I lower myself back down, settling against his side. His arm wraps around me automatically, securing me in place.

“Good morning,” I reply, tucking my chin against his sternum. “How did you sleep?”

He chuckles, lazily running his fingers up and down my arm. “Better than you can imagine. Though I did have an elbow digging into my stomach, there were, amazingly, no snores. And your bed is so much more comfortable than mine.”

I grin, twisting so I can better see his face. “Well, if you can suffer through being stabbed in the stomach all night, you are welcome to share my comfy bed any time you like.” I furrow my eyebrows, considering. “For the next two nights, I guess. After that, you’re welcome to share the grass beside my bedroll.”

He throws his head back in laughter, the sight so beautiful that my own giggles dies as I take the time to stare at him. How can he be so carefree and joyful when he knows his death is only a few decades ahead of him?

Our conversations last night pretty much disintegrated my resolve to end things with him, not that I had much resolve from the moment we actually allowed ourselves to be together. So weak, I chide myself. But, as Haldir has reminded me time and time again, he is an adult and can make his own choices. I have to respect that, just as he has respected that for me on numerous occasions.

But part of me worries I’m just using that as an excuse to justify my selfishness.

Because no matter how well I love him, how much joy I bring him, how happy I make his life, I will always be the one causing his death. He’s not doing the same for me. I’m the one who will kill him.

Haldir moves his fingers from my arm to my hair, tangling his fingers in the waves. I love it when he does that.

He smiles at me, distracting me from my gloomy thoughts. “I am excited for you to see Lothlórien. What do you have left to do before we leave?”

I sigh, shrugging and leaning against him. “Not much. I’ve got to tell Alex about us, hopefully he’ll take it well, but you know how he can be. I imagine Lavandil already knows, but I would still like to talk with her. After that, just packing, but I can probably put that off until tomorrow night. Packing will be easy — oh, that reminds me — do you have an extra bag I could use? That’s actually what I went up to your room to get the other night, but you confessed your love for me which was really inconvenient, because I never did get that bag.”

He laughs again, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Please accept my most sincere apologies. Before any future proclamations of love, I shall ask if there is something you need to cross off your to-do list, first.”

“Thank you,” I huff, feigning relief. “That’s all I ask.” Once our laughter dies down, I turn the question back to him. “What about you?”

I feel him shift under me as he stretches to look toward the curtains pulled over the window s, likely trying to gauge the time by the rays of sun peeking through. “I have a few meetings lined up, as well as continued training with the guard. They’re in quite good shape, but you can never be too prepared. And, as much as I hate to say it, I must get up.” He rolls so I am under him and places a sweet kiss to my forehead. “I have stayed in bed far too long.”

I grin up at him, catching his lips in a proper kiss before following him from the warmth of the blankets. “If you must.” I eye my closed door, now fully aware that we are well into the morning hours. I cross my arms, shifting my weight between my feet. “People will see you leaving my room.”

He looks up at me, back leaned against the wall as he pulls on his boots and laces them up. “Yes?”

I shrug, taking a few steps closer to him. “Well, they’ll talk.”

He raises an eyebrow, the beginnings of a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. “Would you like me to exit via window?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No.”

“Then let them talk.” He places his foot on the ground and meets me in the center of the room. “I’ve no intention of hiding you.”

I grin broadly, surprised by how much that sentence pleases me, and pull him down for a final kiss. “See you after dinner for training?”

“Yes,” he nods, letting his hand trail over my waves as he backs towards the door. “Your armor should be done by then. I’ll bring it with me.”

“I’m not wearing it,” I shout through the open door as he passes through.

“Yes, you are,” he calls back in a confident, almost lilting voice.

I grumble.

“Ah, good morning Ríneth.”

I freeze. Guess the cat’s out of the bag.

“G-good morning, Marchwarden,” comes the stunned response. As the attendant passes my open door, she sneaks a look, her eyes widening when she sees me standing in the center of the room. I raise a hand and wave.

She scurries off.

Stifling a chuckle, I close the door and head to the bathroom to get ready for one of my last days in Imladris.

{***}

I decide to tell Alex first. Between him, Lavandil, and Baranor, Alex is the most likely to have a sour reaction, so I’d prefer to just get that over with.

He welcomes me in after one knock and I try to contain my surprise, immediately noticing the explosion of books, scrolls, and papers scattered across his room.

I step over a large pile of volumes to make it through the entryway. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” He grins sheepishly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Elrond said I could take some books with me, but they’re too bulky to travel with, so I’m trying to copy down as much as I can before we go.”

I nod, trying to find an area clear of stuff large enough for me to place my feet. “I bet Lothlórien has a good library.”

“I hope,” he agrees, bending to move some books so I have space. “But what’s up?”

“Um,” I press my lips together, suddenly feeling very, very nervous. My hands twist themselves in and out of each other as I look for anything to distract myself from the way my heart races. “I wanted to tell you…” Just get it over with. “Haldir and I are — together.” I wince. That doesn’t even begin to encompass how I feel about him, but how the heck do I describe our relationship?

Alex raises an eyebrow, setting the books in his hands down on the chest of drawers. “Yeah, for a while, right?”

I blink. Of all the reactions, I hadn’t expected that. “What?”

He tilts his head. “Wait, this happened recently?”

“Uh, yeah,” I huff, a little put out that he’s been thinking I’ve been secretly with Haldir and just hadn’t said anything about it. “What made you think it happened earlier?”

Alex shrugs, throwing his hands in his pockets. “Well, I don’t know, it was just kinda obvious something was there. I assumed the two of you acted on it around the time we got to Imladris and have just been trying to keep it a secret or something.”

“Wha—um,” I sputter, completely floored. “We’ve been avoiding each other for three months,” I defend, suddenly self-conscious of my apparently obvious feelings.

“Yeah,” Alex shrugs again, hauling a bag filled with books onto his bed. “I thought that was part of it — pretend to avoid each other to quiet the rumors, but then meet up when no one was paying attention.”

“Rumors,” I squeak, not liking the sound of that.

“Well, I didn’t hear any,” he corrects, noticing my panic. “I just, you know — the two of you seemed to click. I figured other people noticed it, too.”

He’s not wrong about that, I think, remembering Lavandil’s excitement and, before he changed his mind due to my mortality, Rumil’s.

Alex speaks again, the slightest shift in his tone. “I also figured that, well, your attachment to him is what was making you want to stay here and not work so hard to get home. Because, honestly Cosima, I can’t wrap my head around any other reason that would be strong enough to keep you away from your own world.”

“Oh. Right.” I look down at my hands, guilt buzzing in my stomach.

“But now that it’s official, I’m guessing you’ve decided?” Alex comes to stand in front of me, arms crossed in front of his chest. He doesn’t look angry, like I thought he would, just resigned.

I sigh, hating the disappointment I know I’m causing him. “Yes. I will help you figure out how to get home if you still want that, but I—I’m staying here.”

He nods, his jaw tightening. “And when I get home, what should I tell your family?”

I suck in a sharp breath. Ouch. I drop my hands to my sides, pleading with him. “Can we just—not? Please? I don’t remember them, Alex, I don’t even know if they exist, aside from nonna, who passed away five years ago. And here…well…” I sigh, mind drifting to Haldir and Lavandil and Rumil and Orophin and Baranor, and even Glorfindel. “My family—the family I chose—they’re all in Arda.”

Alex nods slowly, regarding me thoughtfully. “Can’t say I didn’t try.”

I try to ease the hurt. I don’t want him to be sad. “But I’ll keep helping you, I promise. If there’s a way home, we’ll find it.”

He sighs and then smiles, though it looks tired. “Yeah. Yeah you’re right. Thanks, Cosi.” He steps forward and pulls me into a hug, the action surprising me. Blinking against the shock, I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight. “I suck at showing it, but I am happy for you, you know,” he whispers, squeezing my shoulders.

He releases me then, and I smile up at him. “Thank you.”

{***}

After my unexpected conversation with Alex, it’s time to find Lavandil.

It’s not difficult.

Her high-pitched giggle catches me on the way to lunch, her hands whirling me around into a wall of curls. She surprises me by grabbing me in the briefest of hugs, then pulls away, gripping me tightly by the shoulders.

“I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Orophin told me last night — he’s upset of course, but he does acknowledge that he’s never seen Haldir as happy as he is when he’s with you! And I honestly think Orophin just needs time. Bottom line, he wants Haldir to be happy and loved, and you’re doing just that. But okay, now that that’s out of the way, you must tell me everything.”

I laugh, trying to catch up with her enthusiasm and rapid-fire words. I pull her to the side of the hallway, closer to the stone wall. People are, of course, bound to find out as the week goes on, but I’d rather not shout the details of what I consider to be my most cherished moment. In a hushed voice, I recount the night Haldir and I decided to go for it, Lavandil squealing and grinning through the whole thing.

“That is so sweet,” she gushes, eyes bright. “Who knew Haldir had such a way with words!”

“I know, right,” I agree, pleased to finally be able to talk about this with one of my best friends. “And kissing him?” I place a hand over my heart in a mock swoon, earning me a delighted laugh. “I could do that forever.” But then I bite my lip, not sure how she’ll react to what I’m going to tell her next. “He uh—spent the night last night.”

Lavandil’s eyes blow wide. “Did you—”

“No.” I hurry to clear that up. “But, I mean…it’s difficult not to want to…” I sigh, feeling much better upon seeing her understanding nod. She gets it. “How do you and Orophin manage? For eight years?”

She grins somewhat bashfully. “Well, it does help that we don’t see each other very often. And a lot of times, we have to stop ourself before we end up getting married without a second thought. But it all just comes down to us acknowledging the reality of our situation — we don’t want to get married and live apart, but neither of us was ready to give up our homes, families, or careers, not until recently, so we had to wait to take that step. It was a decision we were both okay with for a while. But now…” She shrugs, her smile softens and a faraway look enters her eye. “That time is over. He’s staying here with me, and it’s the best feeling in the world.”

I smile at her, happy for my friend. “Do you…” I tread carefully, not sure how much more I can ask without intruding, “think you’ll get married then?”

“Oh, for sure,” she grins, crossing her arms over her chest. “And soon. All our reasons not to have conveniently been taken care of.”

I take her hand in mine and give it a quick squeeze. “I’m happy for you.”

“I’m happy for me, too, she jokes, winking cheekily. We laugh, and then she dissolves back into her interrogation of me. Dutifully, I answer each and every one.

{***}

When it’s dark outside, Haldir knocks on my door. In his hand, he carries a dark brown bag that makes a suspicious clanging sound with every step he takes. I eye it warily. He smiles, bringing the palm of my hand to his mouth for a kiss. “I’m sorry it’s so late. The drills ran long.”

I shrug, pulling him farther into my room and shutting the door behind him. “Don’t worry about it. I was with Lavandil until about an hour ago, anyway.”

He looks at me, a note of hesitation in his eyes. “And how did that go?”

“Better than expected,” I laugh in relief. “She’s very happy for us and says Orophin shows signs of feeling better. I talked to Alex too — can you believe it, he thought we’ve been together for months!”

At this, Haldir raises his eyebrows, shaking his head. “What would give him that impression? We avoided each other for almost the entire time we’ve been in Imladris.”

“That’s what I said!” I hold up a hand to stop him. “But I’m actually not going to talk to you any more until you open that bag. I need to decide if I’m going to be mad at you or not.”

He grins broadly, setting the bag gently on the ground. “I don’t know why you would be mad when all I’ve done is bring you a present.” Haldir reaches inside and draws out silver chainmail.

“Well, take it back,” I grumble, having correctly guessed the contents of the bag. I cross my arms over my chest.

“See?” Haldir smiles, straightening with the chainmail in hand. “It’s not as bad as you thought. It can even be worn under your clothes if you like.”

I grimace, taking a step forward and running a hand over the cool metal. Experimentally, I gather the bottom of the piece and hold it in both of my hands. It’s heavy. I look up at Haldir, unimpressed. “There’s no way this is comfortable.”

He shrugs. “You’ll get used to it. Besides, I’d rather have you uncomfortable and alive than comfortable and dead.” He steps forward, presses a kiss to my temple, then walks past me to lay the chainmail over my table.

I sigh. He’s just trying to keep me safe. “Alright, fine,” I acquiesce, following him further into my room. I step in front of him, trying to will my annoyance away. “Thank you for doing that.”

He smiles softly, though there’s a hint of humor in his eyes as he knows the effort I’m putting into making my tone polite. “You are very welcome. Now — go stand in the center of the room. I want to go over a few more techniques before we pause training to travel. And tomorrow, we’ll practice with the chainmail.”

I groan.

{***}

Haldir stays with me for the remaining two nights in Imladris. It’s very convenient — not only do I love having him with me, but it gives him and Rumil some much-needed space.

Over the course of our remaining days, we only had a few things on our to-do list: Inform Baranor of the development in our relationship — he didn’t seem surprised, just like he was making a very conscious effort to appear happy for us—prepare the horses, and pack our belongings and adequate provisions for the journey. On the morning of our departure, we’re set to meet at the bridge that marks the entrance to the city. Haldir leaves me while it’s still dark, kissing me while I’m half asleep and telling me goodbye. He went to ensure the horses were ready and ‘tie up a couple of loose ends,’ as he put it.

Despite the desire to sleep in, I rise with the sun, knowing we don’t have long before we leave. When I spot the chainmail laid over my table, I begrudgingly pull it on under my clothes, knowing Haldir will just send me back to get it if I don’t. It’s heavier than I want it to be, but he’s right — if we were attacked, it would provide an additional measure of protection. I don’t have to tell him that, though. Once I’m dressed, all that’s left to do is say my goodbyes and get on the horse.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

Lavandil meets me at my door. Wordlessly, she shoulders one of my bags and walks with me to the front of the estate. We step onto the lush grass, which still glints with the morning dew. Soon, autumn will creep in and the green of Imladris will turn into brilliant reds, golds, and oranges—or so my friends tell me. I hope that I will get to see it one day.

At the start of the bridge waits the rest of my company. I notice Haldir off to the side with both Orophin and Rumil. Unlike his brothers, Rumil doesn’t look up or wish us good morning. That stings—bad—but at least he’s talking to his brothers.

I search for Alex and, with a note of surprise, find him behind the horses, speaking with Elrond. I raise an eyebrow, but don’t investigate. If Alex wants to tell me about their conversation, he can.

Lavandil and I approach Faervel, who whinnies in recognition. Since Orophin is staying in Imladris, his horse is as well. Horses are apparently quite fond of their owners, so we agreed not to hurt any of them by pulling them away from their home and taking them back to Lothlórien. That means Alex still rides with Baranor and I will ride with Haldir — for now. Maybe if Rumil ends up forgiving me, I can ride Roch at some point.

I loop my bag into the straps on the edge of the saddle, securing it in place. Lavandil does the same with my other bag, tying it on Faervel’s back.

Someone behind me clears their throat, and both Lavandil and I turn around.

Elrond smiles in greeting, inclining his head. “Lavandil, would you mind if I had a moment alone with Cosima?”

“Of course,” she smiles, waving at me as she hurries off to join Orophin. This isn’t goodbye, I remind myself. I’ll catch her again before I leave.

Elrond pats Faervel on the head. “Cosima, I wish you safe travels.”

“Thank you,” I reply.

“Promise me,” he continues, voice turning serious, “that when you arrive in Lothlórien, you will speak to Lady Galadriel without delay. I believe she can help you and Alexander.”

I agree readily. Elrond has been so kind and helpful, of course I’ll do as he asks.

“Good.” He nods. “And, well…” he sighs, sadness entering his ageless eyes. “I pray to the Valar that you will have a happy, fulfilling life.”

Despite the well-wish, grief collects in his features and I suck in a breath, remembering exactly who his daughter is and who she loves.

I open my mouth to say — what? That I’m sorry? That I wish it were someone else? What can I say to an ellon whose daughter will die for the same reason Haldir will?  

I close my mouth.

Because no, there is nothing to say.

Elrond inclines his head in understanding and steps back, bidding a final farewell to us all before returning to his estate.

Rumil, Baranor, and Alex mount their horses.

It seems there is no more time to waste. Lavandil comes to stand in front of me, sniffling. “I guess this is goodbye.”

Tears enter my own eyes and I bite my lip, desperately not wanting them to escape and betray how sad I feel.

“The shop won’t be the same without you,” she whispers. Then, in a movement so fast I barely register the change, she flings her arms around my shoulders, drawing me in for a brief, tight hug. “Be happy.”

I pull back, smiling despite my sadness. “You too. Write to me?”

“Of course.” She gives me a watery laugh and tosses her curls over her shoulder. “Who else can we complain about them to?” She jerks a thumb in the direction of Haldir and Orophin, who put on identical expressions of affronted disbelief, and I break into actual laughter.

But when our laughter fades, Lavandil falls back, stepping out of the way of the horses and into Orophin’s outstretched arms.

Haldir walks up next to me. He crouches, ready to help me on the horse and, before I can look at the sadness on Lavandil’s face and burst into tears of my own, I put my boot in his hand, allowing myself to swing onto Faervel’s back. In the next moment, Haldir lands in front of me, taking the reins in his hands.

“Now what are all these tears about?”

I jump, startled by the loud, unexpected voice.

None other than Glorfindel, followed by four armored members of Imaldris’s guard, gallop down the path.

My golden friend sidles his horse next to Faervel, winking at me. “Good news, my dear lady, we shall not be parted so soon! Your commander—or should I say lover, now—” both Haldir and I make a face at the term, “asked for an escort through the mountain pass. My troops and I are happy to oblige.”

Haldir nods to him, serious despite Glorfindel’s exuberance. “Thank you for coming.”

Glorfindel smiles, returning Haldir’s nod. “Of course, mellon nîn.” He calls out a command and our company, much larger now, moves forward. I allow myself one final wave to Orophin and Lavandil, as well as a last glance at this shining city that had just begun to feel like home.

Before I know it, we have crossed the terrifying bridge and left the safety of Imladris behind.

A/n Thanks for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs make my day <3 And to everyone who responded to the last chapter: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THANK YOU!!!!!

|next chapter - to be posted|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande 

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist @that-cute-stranger

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff @sleepyamygdala @thranduilseyebrows 

[leahseclipse]

Confessions, surprises and joyful events

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: What worse thing could happen other than calm and nice coffee dates when the genius resident happens to forget items when suddenly called in, causing their secret to come out?

Warnings: Mentions of losing someone, death (not concerning any of the characters); usual cm stuff, but otherwise, its just fluff

Category: Fluff

Word count: 13.5k

A/N: And here’s the last fic of this ‘kinda’ series!!! yesh I know the summary sucks LMAO, but- I hope you guys will like it, I apologize if some moments are ehhh, especially towards the end, I’ve been working on it for a while and as the total is 25k, I really had no other idea, I really drained them all into that massive one- 

And that one is still attached to the prevs fics I had wrote for the fic swap for @sunlight-moonrise​ :)

 Continuation of Dear diary, and Souvenirs, secrets and coffee dates

This night went better than expected. We didn’t go to bed at 2 -for once-, but around 11:30 PM, so even if it’s still late, it’s better than nothing.

Considering all of the stuff we have to do today, and probably in the next few days, we couldn’t allow ourselves to go to bed at the hour people usually get up for work, such as 6AM...or more.

And it would also be a lie to say that we didn’t go to bed at this hour once.

Nonetheless, we both were excited about the activities of the day, and if I’m not wrong, we’re at our fourth coffee mission-date. 

Yeah, none of us figured out a proper and official title for it, so we’ve just been altering between dates and mission. 

At the same time, it’s a date, it’s been a while since we haven’t got to have a moment to ourselves, and it’s also -as said- a mission. We like to set small challenges, especially when we happen to have time like this week.

Talking about this week, I have to admit that not receiving a call has stayed quite surprising, even now. Before we had the idea of doing our coffee dates, I had just come back from almost two weeks of work. 

I had been away for a week, had just three days of ‘vacation time’, and had been called back for another week. So, I think that it's not weird at all to be surprised, all of us probably are.

I just hope they won’t decide to have a party or something, because I can never find myself to refuse and find a proper excuse that doesn’t raise suspicions, now that I have a girlfriend.

I can’t believe that I almost used Ethan as an excuse to not attend once, and the idiot I am forgot he happened to be in New Orleans at this time.

Basically all planes were cancelled because of the weather, and if I had happened to let his name slip, as they probably know that I know him, they would have wanted to know more...especially Penelope. 

And the idiot I still am would have tried to find another excuse, that -of course- would have miserably failed as well.

I just hope we’ll get to have a few more days before I eventually get called back, it’d be nice. 

It’d also be nice if I would stop to think about a possible call, because if y/n would hear me she’d complain about me bringing bad luck. 

Normally as it is only some superstitions, it doesn’t happen, but again -as expected-, last time when I had said that a possible call was coming, I received one just two days later.

So, I think that I’m gonna pass on this subject.

I also wish I didn’t have to be the one responsible for waking her up; she’s...quite difficult when it comes to that, and most of the time, we’ll either end up being 30 minutes late, or just not go where we had to at all.

But since what we were supposed to do was important, she really had to get up, even if I had to drag her out of the bed.

“Y/N, come on, I’ve been trying to get you out of the bed since nine, and even gave you twenty minutes more.”

“Jus’ a bit more…”

“Alright, I’ll go to the library all day then.”

“No, you’re stayin’ with me.” She said, as she sat up and grabbed my sleeve. 

“You want me to help you get ready?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, give me your hand.” I extended mine, as she lazily took it. “There you go sleepy head.” 

“I’m not a sleepy head. It’s my morning head, that’s all.”

“Your morning head is a sleepy one.”

“No, it’s a well-rested one.”

“Okay, you won the fight.”

“I always win arguments.” She proudly announced, while she got up, stretching up a bit. “So...are we going to the one we saw on internet yesterday, it really had good reviews, and a nice website, which is...a good sign usually.”

“Yeah, it is. It really sounded nice, plus I think I’ve heard about it from other people, and they’ve had pretty good experiences. I say we go for it, might as well enjoy it before...work calls again.”

“You’re going to bring us bad luck, stop with that.”

“It counts for you as well. You mentioned it yesterday.”

“...I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“No, I’m sure your brain is tricking you.”

“Once again, I am sure it’s not. I know my brain well, and it never lies.”

“Pff, you know your brain? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous thing.”

“Says the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff.”

“Hey! Don’t use that nickname, the diary story was an accident.”

“You didn’t trust yourself enough that you had to give me your number.”

“No, it wasn’t for that, I just wanted to chat.”

“Even years later, you still lie.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, one more remark, and instead of going out, I’m making you clean my whole apartment for a week.”

“...I’m going to get ready.”

“That’s what I thought genius.”

“Why am I being called ‘genius’ when I’m not supposed to call you ‘the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff?’, hm?” I joked.

“Everyone calls you genius at work, see it as a third name.”

“Then if what I call you is your name, it’s kind of long. Y/N, Y/M/N, the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff, Y/L/N.”

“Okay, if I stop using genius, will you stop with that?”

“...maybe.” I answered, as she hit me with her shirt. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop!”

“You’re really nice when you want, see?”

“I’m not a puppy either.”

“You have puppy eyes, same stuff.” She briefly said.

“Who says?”

“Me.” 

“Only you is not enough to be convincing.”

“Who says?” She repeats.

“Do you want me to get the excuse I took at the library?”

“Which?” Y/N asked, visibly confused.

“That you had to be more polite, else, I won’t listen.”

“I’m going to warm up the car.” She grabs the keys, changing the subject.

“I love to mess with you.”

“Shut up.” She says before leaving, earning a sneaky laugh from me.

++

When I had gotten out of the building after a few minutes, I swore that Y/N could have left without me if I would have tried to mess with her again.

She didn’t though, but she warned me (jokingly, she had said…), that she wouldn’t have hesitated a bit.

In most cases, she really isn’t kidding, and wasn’t at all this time.

The only thing I got when I had gotten in the car was a hit on the arm, that...kinda still hurt for a bit even after a few minutes. 

But, we both know it wasn’t serious. We often do that, and we usually make jokes like ‘I’m going to murder you and pretend someone killed you in the night’, ‘I’m gonna have Hotch yell at you by making you late’, or even, her favorite one, ‘I’m gonna steal your phone and announce our relationship.’.

Which….when it was told after a few months we began dating, would stop the teasing from me, and end in a fit of laughter, as we would discuss it; and jump to other subjects.

That joke is less...uncomfortable, or the kind to stop the conversation, as we really talked about it, and kind of planned to say it before we’d end up married with two kids.

I know that they’ll be happy whether I announce it while she’s my girlfriend, or my wife, and mother of my kids, but still, it’s been a while, and I think that they deserve to know, they’re like family to me. 

Even my mother, who had just met them a few times, appreciates them a lot.

But once they’ll know, Y/N will have to prepare herself; because she’s gonna receive a lot of questions from Garcia, who’s probably going to get her to come as often as possible; some messages from the team, a lot of invitations, because to be honest, they’ll all be really surprised that I got a girlfriend, and as it’s been a while, they’ll have a lot to ask and tell.

I just hope that they won’t...mention what happened in my early days.

Some stories are kind of embarrassing, and not really nice to recall to me.

Knowing Morgan’s, he’s either going to mention what happened with Lila Archer, or the gun qualification that I failed (but, that I got, after I shot between a guy’s eyes in one shot, so this story will only be half bad). 

...he could also tell both.

But, I know for sure that they’ll welcome her with open arms. They’ll really appreciate her.

She’s done a lot for me, and I can really say that she...somehow made my life better, in a way (She says that I’m cheesy, when I say that).

I honestly have no idea what would have happened if she took her diary back before I even got to see it, I would have never paid attention to the shop on my way as usual, I would only go to the library for the usual reason, my life wouldn’t have changed even a bit. 

I like to say that fate has reunited us, but in another way, I like that she happened to be so distracted to the point of forgetting it.

I can’t really imagine having to not see her anymore; we’ve been so used to each other that we constantly have to see each other, and at least hear the other’s voice if I’m at work.

Literally, all of the free time that we have, it’s spent with the other.

We also happen to hang out with our friends, but most of the time; we’re always together.

I noticed that we don’t tend to go outside often, we both prefer to stay outside, and once, we even cancelled plans at the restaurant at the last minute as we were both too lazy to even get ready.

That also happened in the morning; none of us had work, and we decided to spend most of the day in bed, and we didn't do even anything till a few hours, we just talked and cuddled.

So, these coffee dates are kind of a miracle; because knowing our shared laziness, we wouldn’t have done that at all.

It’s our fourth one today, and it's going pretty well.

I’ve thrown facts the whole time, and she didn’t mind.

She actually asked for others, at each of them.

Y/N was totally into it.

And that kind of made me laugh, I even said that she looked like a nerd, or even a teacher’s pet.

That’s why we enjoyed it, we laughed a lot during those, and actually planned to go outside more, which is...totally crazy.

I don’t know what is happening to us, but, some miracle fought off our laziness, and now, we’re going outside a lot.

Our coffee dates also made y/n drive more.

She would never touch the wheel, unless if it was at 1am for emergency snacks, and now, she insists every time.

I think I’ve only driven at the first, but not fully, as she took over on the way back.

We’ve also discovered a lot of coffee shops, I’ve walked in front of some, but never actually went inside. 

I guess our coffee dates are mainly us, testing out what they have, and when we’ll run out of shops; we’ll basically try to choose the best.

She even purchased a notebook for us to put our ratings in.

I really never saw her taking something so seriously.

She also created another folder on her phones, with a lot of pics. The majority of them have my face, and she took most of them when I was looking away.

Y/N mentioned that she really likes my side profile, which at the moment was...kind of weird, but, I got used to it, and even looked on the side on purpose as I knew she’d taken a picture without fail.

I think that she has one where I’m turning around; she didn’t get to take my side profile before I turned, it was kind of blurry, but I insisted on keeping it.

We might print the pictures and make a scrapbook at this point; it would be fun.

I know she’ll like the idea.

“Okay, so...are we ordering one of the basics, or are we going a bit fancy today?” Y/N asked.

“Go for the fancy option, that’ll change.”

“Alright, you go get settled, and I’ll be right back.” She said, kissing my nose at “right”. I always like that.

She knows every single thing that makes me happy. It’s kind of crazy, she almost knows me better than I do.

I’m also pretty sure she knows that I hate when she goes away, even if she’s two meters away, and is going to come back in just a bit.

I just really like to be with her, and this might be childish or something, but I almost got her late once because I didn’t want her to go yet once.

At least I won’t have to do that this week. None of us have work, and I just have to hope I won’t be called in.

I’m the only one that could completely cancel our plans, and even though I know she won’t be angry as we managed to get five days without a call disturbing us, it’ll still somehow leave a bitter feeling.

She told me to stop worrying, and just, enjoy the moment, but I just can’t help but think about it, and even though she’s not a profiler, she can tell when I’m worrying about something.

So, might as well quit worrying, and just enjoy our dates, because always thinking about the calls might end up bringing us bad luck as she constantly says.

Y/N even has a sticky note on her desk counting how many times I’ve either worried about it, and brought up the subject.

So far...I’ve said it about seven times, and it’ll probably turn to eight if she notices.

“You know, you can say it if there’s something wrong.” 

There goes the possible eighth time.

“Oh, sorry, what did you say?”

“I see it that something is bothering you. Did you prefer us to stay home today?”

“No, no, not at all! I really wanted to go out with you. It’s not the problem.”

“So, what’s the actual problem?”

“You know it.”

“Oh, quit that cellphone. Just smash it on the ground and wait for them to come.”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

“That’s the only wait for you to stop worrying. That’s the eighth time.”

“It’s not even the eighth at this point, it’s the fortieth.”

“Or the hundredth.”

“Yeah, I got it. I worry a lot.”

“I’m not even a profiler and I can just tell like that. Quit your job and let me take your spot, I’m gonna impress them all.”

“Are you going to enjoy the ‘waking up at 4am’, ‘being away for a week’, ‘risking getting killed’ parts though?”

“...not the ‘4am’ one, no.”

“Try applying as a secretary, maybe. It’s calm.”

“If I have enough of my job at the craft job, okay. I’ll make sure to be in the same section. I’m gonna be the best secretary they’ll ever see.”

“You’re going to make us late though. When I’ll have to leave you’re gonna try to get a few more seconds to talk with me.”

“I may.”

“Hotch’s not going to like this.”

“Eh, he won’t say anything. We’re two young people in love, so, if he doesn’t have a rock heart as...you always tell me how strict he’s...he’ll be okay with it.”

“Not if it happens a lot. I tell you. Hotch isn’t kidding when it comes to that. He may accept some occasional late reports, but not a late arrival when we have to immediately go on the field.”

“Okay, then I won’t do it.”

“...one or two times won’t hurt. If we do one a week, and the other two weeks and...a half later, maybe it’ll pass. Who knows?” I suggested.

“I don’t want you to get fired. This job is important.”

“...yeah, kind of.”

“Plus, we have to tell them, at least before you get fired.” She joked.

“If I get fired, I won’t have to tell them as I won’t see them as often as I want. I’ll have another job and we’ll all be busy.”

“It’s kind of smart but...don’t you dare do that. That’s not genius.”

“You suggested something, and I went along with it. You started it, not me.”

“A suggestion isn’t an obligation, or a serious thing. I never forced you to do it. It was only “if”, never said anything serious.”

“You know that I always take you seriously.”

“Too seriously that you couldn’t catch jokes.”

“I understood it, I just played along with you.”

“If I hadn’t interrupted you, it looked like you would have almost done it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you really think I’d do it?”

“Knowing you...there was a chance you would have done it. A slim one.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” She honestly answered, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept her glance on me.

“I wouldn’t do it, it was only a joke, nothing more. Even if it’s...full of pretty big risks, I still enjoy it.”

“It’s scary as hell, yeah. And even though I’m not with you, I still feel the stress.”

“I have to admit that I scared you...a lot.”

“You bet. The ‘out of battery’ days really scared me.”

“Yeah, sorry for that.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. You’re still there, and now we’re on...I still didn’t find a name for it.”

“What was the original name already?” I asked.

“Coffee mission slash dates. Not amazing.”

“We can’t really settle on only one at the same time.”

“We can’t. But at the same moment, we kind of have to choose one.”

“Coffee mission slash dates isn’t the best, but it’s the only thing we could think about, it’s better than not having one.”

“You’re kinda right. It’s okay if we keep that one.”

“I guess so.”

“By the way, as...I see we’re basically done. What are we saying for this one? Do you want to try something else before we write our review?” She asked.

“We can have another one. Only roughly 80 to 100 cups of coffee would turn into a lethal dose, so...it should be okay.”

“It’s kind of morbid, and creepy.”

“It’s still useful to know it.”

“I didn’t need to know that my source of energy can kill me. Now I think that I may have to slow down.”

“It can kill me too. I drink way too much when I’m at work then at home.”

“Imagine that the autopsy guy has to say to your family that you died because of a caffeine overdose. That’d be...either dumb, or embarassing. Gosh, it’s not funny.”

“Yeah, sorry. That fact was just stuck in my head.”

“Choose less morbid ones next time.”

“Don’t worry-”

“Yeah. So, uh, didn’t you say you wanted to try that one too? It sounds cool.”

“Why not, okay.”

“Okay, I’m going. You stay there.”

“But- You don’t have to.”

“I’m going, it’s okay.”

“Pff, ok. You can go.”

“I’ll be right back anyway. Don’t be sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Is that so? You should have seen your face.”

“I wasn’t sad.”

“If you say so.” She said, before leaving as she headed to the counter again.

We’re really little kids sometimes.

Maybe that’s why we get along.

We’re more childish than serious most of the time.

On that, we’re kind of equal I’d say, but...it depends.

I’m the childish one these days.

I still haven’t found a way to announce her to them, because...even if I really like them, I still don’t really want to.

It’s mostly for security reasons, with all that happened during my years, I’m kind of afraid.

I’ll have to tell them one day, eventually though.

They’re gonna bug me even more if I wait too much.

“Stop overthinking.” Y/N interrupted, as she set the two cups on the table.

“I can’t.”

“You have to, eventually. If this is about the cellphone, or not having enough dates, or even, that we have to tell them, you have to stop. We already had four, it’s a miracle.”

“To be honest, yeah. I wouldn’t hope we’ll have more.”

“What about we tell them if we get another one?”

“I’m gonna receive a call before.”

“No, we won’t. I’m the one between the two of us that bring us luck. So, we’ll have our fifth one.”

“Okay, we’ll see. Even if I’m not really sure. But, I hope we do though.”

“I can guarantee we’ll have it. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

“Cold coffee isn’t bad.”

“Yes it is! That one isn’t meant to be drunk cold. If it had ice, then yeah.”

“Stop criticizing my choices, it’s not nice!”

“Your choices are so bad that I have to be on your back.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“...you sure about that? I’ve acted as your mom a lot of times because of some of your choices. I don’t even remember them all, there’s so many.”

“Not a lot. That’s why you don’t remember.”

“I don’t have your brain, but I remember some.”

“I’m not that immature, and...irresponsible.”

“Okay, you’re not that immature. I exaggerated.”

“It’s nice of you to admit your mistake.” I joked.

“I’m gonna take my words back, be careful. I might not even wake you up if you get a call. That way you’ll have Hotch yell at you.”

“You’ll make coffee for yourself, that’ll wake me up.”

“How?”

“The smell of coffee can help you wake up in the morning.”

“Hm. Guess we don’t need alarms then. You’ll build us a machine that automatically starts the machine and we’ll be up in no time.”

“At this rate, we could also install a webcam in front of it, if we do it every morning, at each nap, and all day.

“A webcam?”

“I saw somewhere that people working at the University of Cambridge knew the feeling of finding an empty coffee pot so well, that they invented the first ever webcam with the sole purpose of checking the status of the coffee pot.”

“That’s actually kinda smart.”

“I know, right? That way we don’t have to check, but the one that’ll have to fill it back up will receive tons of notifications, so it'll kind of be annoying.”

“...yeah. I don’t want it anymore.”

“You’ll probably be the one receiving the notifications more often since you’ll be home.”

“That’s why I changed my mind. I don’t want you to see how often I drink, because...trust me it’s a lot.”

“...I do the same at work.”

“That’s why we get along. We get each other, basically have the same habits. We’re the perfect couple.”

“You kind of sound drunk when you say that, I don’t know. It sounds like something you’d say while being drunk.” 

“Kind of, yeah.” She agreed, laughing. “Throw another fact, we’ll continue in the car.”

“Let me think...oh, I got one. From statistics, the average American spends around $20 a week on coffee, which is around...$1.092 per year. Yikes.”

“What keeps us awake when we’re running on two hours of sleep makes us broke. Cool.”

“That’s where our salaries go.” 

“...yep. That’s where. Surprise.”

“I don’t think they’ll really be surprised. Look how many hours we sleep. My sleep schedule is already buried.”

“Yeah, it is. Remember all the days where we went to bed at 1am and you got woken up at 4am? The next days were hell to stay awake.”

“...I remember. I hate those days. if I get a phone call, let me have five or six hours at least.”

“I’m starting to wonder if they’re not spying on us to see at which hour we go to bed.”

“Same. It happened way too many times. It’s getting quite...annoying.”

“Not really for me, I’d wake up because of the phone one time out of two. It was more annoying when I’d wake up to see I was alone.”

“You’d have a note, at least.”

“Yep, but....wasn’t amazing.”

“You would have been angry either way if I would have woken you up.”

“I would have gone straight back, yeah. You’re not wrong.”

“I’m always right. I’m not the best in the whole FBI building for nothing.”

“Quit showing off. We know you’re smart.”

“It was just in case you forgot.”

“How could I forget? You tell me that you have an 187 IQ without telling it every time you speak. It’s kind of obvious that you’re not an idiot to me.”

“You’re smart too, you could figure out that I was.”

“Is there a meaning behind that or…?”

“Why would there be one y/n?”

“I don’t know. You sound...narcissistic, and it was kind of like...you told I was dumb, Reid.”

“No, you’re not! I was kidding.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, I’m sorry if I sounded ‘narcissistic’, it wasn’t my intention, I was just kidding.”

“I just have trouble knowing if you’re joking or not sometimes. But, you are forgiven, doctor.”

“It’s weird hearing you say that. Why don’t you just say ‘Spencer’?”

“Doctor, and Reid are more...fancy.”

“Okay, if you like it.”

“I do like it.”

“Then I don’t have anything to say on it.”

“Indeed.” She proudly replied.

“You know that I really like you?"

"I do." She answered, her shy smile breaking into a bigger one.

"Are you okay with uh...cheesy stuff? Because like, it kind of is."

"I've always had a liking for these, so I don't mind at all."

"Oh- okay, I was afraid you wouldn't uh…."

"...like it? Of course I do. I always like it when you say that you love me."

"I can't say otherwise, or even refrain myself from saying it. When I see you smile, I just...you know. I really like to see you happy."

"You're gonna make me cry Spencer- I spent a while doing my makeup." She joked.

"Okay, I'll wait until we're at home then."

"Okay."

++

"It's kinda good that we came in early. Coffee is better when it's taken between 9:30 to 11:30AM from what I saw."

"...really? There's a 'good timing' for it to be more effective? It's weird."

"Kind of. If you're tired at 11pm and decide to drink it, it's only gonna work at 50%."

"For real...it's annoying. Especially for you, your shifts are long as hell. I'm sorry for all the times I yelled at you over the phone."

"You had your reasons, I'm the best at getting people worried to death." He said, as he got his eyes back on the road after briefly shaking his head at her.

"Can't deny." 

"No one can't."

"The number of times when you only had a battery problem, gosh. I wanted to kill you because of these." 

"You didn't kill me, I'm still here."

"I can still kill you, if you want. I might have a pocket knife somewhere."

"No- I take it back, it's ok. I'm good." I said, "panicking".

"Hm. Too bad. It was a new one, 'wanted to try it on." 

"...that's not really reassuring y/n."

"At least you'll be even more careful." She said, throwing me a sneaky smile.

"...will do."

"Good to know."

"I was going to say that you were going to be the death of me, but I'm already doing that to you with my job. Guess I'll have to find something else."

"You're gonna have to think hard. Because from what you said, your job is superior to everything in terms of scaring the death out of people."

"The #1."

"Premium #1. It's a better term." She corrected.

"...do you still love me though?"

"Of course, that's why I haven't killed you yet."

"I'm gonna have to sleep with one eye tonight."

"It's gonna be creepy man. I won't kill you, so, don't do that...please"

"I love how it's easy to make you change your mind with things you hate."

"I can still change my mind, even if I hate it."

"...sorry." I apologized with a tiny voice, which caused us to break into laughter for a minute, before I stopped before y/n, who still had a bit of trouble to stop laughing. "Do I need to call 911 or is everything okay?"

"It's just- your tiny voice is always fun as hell- gosh, I really had a good laugh."

"We don't need much to laugh apparently.' I pointed out.

"How can anybody not laugh at that? The way you said it was amazing."

"I'm gonna be offended if you keep laughing at me."

"I can't promise you I won't laugh again ah that."

"If you laugh at my voice, I'm allowed to laugh at you when you fall out of bed then."

"Okay, deal. You're allowed." 

"At least it's even. But- you can't go back on that, you said you agreed on it."

"I promise, I'm not going back on it." She confirmed.

“Okay, just so it’s clear.”

“It is. I granted you permission to laugh at me.”

“I never granted you permission and you did it a lot of times, that’s not fair.”

“I’m allowed to laugh at you, it’s not the same. I have a special “nice girlfriend” pass.”

“...okay you have a point.”

“I’ve always had it. I’m smart, maybe smarter than you. The FBI should seriously hire me, they’re missing out without me.”

“We’re never going to be able to focus if we work together.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to present me.”

“Prepare yourself in advance. Once they’ll get your number, you’re gonna be overwhelmed with texts. They’re gonna want to know about the secret I kept.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I may have to go there myself if you chicken out.”

“Hey, that’s not nice. I’m hurt.”

“Okay- I may have to go there myself if you don’t resolve yourself to do it- oh, it’s the same. Even if I word it differently, it’s the same.”

“I’m mad at you.”

“No, you’re not. You love me too much to be mad at me.”

“...how do you know everything about me? I’m scared.”

“I hacked into your brain.”

“Clearly.” I said; nervously laughing. “What do you think would be the password of my brain?”

“Um...either a doctor who or star trek related thing.”

“Hm. Maybe. It’s kinda difficult though; I like a lot of things. I’d probably end up putting your name if I can’t decide.”

“Yeah, same. There’s so much stuff.”

“If I take all of the books, tv shows, writers….yeah. Your name.”

“I’d probably struggle too. Your name.” She repeated.

“Isn’t it risky to let the other know our passwords?”

“I mean...we share the same brain cells sometimes, we’re 24/7 together, we’re interested in the same stuff so...eh. Not really.”

“That’s fair enough to be honest. I still remember last time; when we forgot to take the pasta out of the water because a video on twitter distracted us.”

“...I remember that. We had to order takeout after.”

“And the takeout wasn’t that good. I would have prefered the over-boiled pasta.”

“Same...these $35 weren’t that worth it.”

“$5 dollar over boiled pasta would have been better.”

“Yeah, it would have. But, let’s not try to forget it tonight. Over-boiled pasta isn’t my favorite thing.”

“Then we’ll have to turn off all of our devices.”

“...yeah. Let’s hope the clock won’t fail on us.”

“I’m not even sure if we have batteries left, and the store is closed.”

“Guess it’s gonna be one hell of a night.” She pointed out, as the car came to a stop.

“You said it.” I answered, as we both exited the car.

++

“Spencer, hey, wake up.”

“What’s...going on?”

“ ‘thing’s ringing.”

“What the…?” He mumbled as he took his phone from his nightstand, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, come on.”

“Guess we’re not having our fifth date.”

“...guess not. This sucks, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault. At least let me have a quick hug before you go for god knows how long.”

“Just one, I really have to go.” I precised, wrapping my arms around her waist, as she put her head in the crook of my neck. 

“I’m gonna miss you Spence.”

“Me too. I promise it won’t be too long.”

“Mhm. Oh, at least it’s not 4AM.”

“Yeah, it kind of surprised me to see that it was 9AM.”

“Same. Are you directly going on the jet or are you gonna uh...what’s the thing, briefing at the office?”

“Uh, yeah, Morgan told me to go to the office first.”

“Okay, call me before you go then.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call.” I reassured, kissing her on the cheek as I sprinted through the hall. “Have a good day!”

“Same!” She yelled, as I closed the door.

What a great week ahead of us.

I annoyedly sighed as I got out of the building, taking the car as she had mentioned that she wouldn’t need it today.

I kind of felt bad, we had taken a small break on coffee mission-dates as we didn’t feel like it, and in the meantime, she also went to work for a day as a coworker needed someone to replace her, and after that, just when we planned to go out again...my phone rang, which was nothing but good.

I’ll make sure to call her as often as I can, that’s the least I can do till I come back.

++

As he left, I kind of ‘slept’ for at least ten minutes before I even found the motivation to get out of bed, which was kind of hard.

I’m really attached to my bed, and it’s really complicated for me to get up in the morning, Spencer helps me out usually.

It’s a miracle I managed to get out before falling back asleep and waking up at 12, especially on my own.

It’s kind of a great achievement to be honest, I should call him later to…

I paused, as I saw what seemed like his phone on the table.

...guess I’m not gonna call him.

What the hell am I going to do?

I can’t go there, no one even knows me.

Why did he have to forget his damn phone? 

He doesn’t even have another one, how the hell am I going to do to get it to him?

I just...know his code, he randomly told it to me, and he knows mine too, so...yeah.

For god’s sake, I’m gonna have to call in, ‘I’m a cousin, friend, whatever’ excuse is gonna have to be the one I’m gonna throw.

Now or never I guess.

I turned on the phone, entering the password as I opened the contacts app, not really knowing who to call.

He had mentioned that Hotch was his superior, but I would be a stressed mess the second he’d begin taking, and it wouldn’t do anything but waste time.

What about Penelope? She seemed quite nice from his sayings, I could possibly reach out to her.

Let’s give it a try, I guess.

I clicked on the contact, pressing the call button as I brought the phone to my ear.

“Spencer, why are you calling? Aren’t you with Luke in the conference room?”

“It’s not Reid, I’m...a friend. He forgot his phone...and his badge thingy at my place, I saw the second thing as I called. I uh...didn't know he was working so I went to his place, and I guess he’s at work now.”

“Huh, he never forgets it. That’s weird. But, I never heard about you, are you like...a school pal or whatever person he met at a library or other?”

“Uh...We knew each other at school, yeah- anyway, is there a way for me to take it to him? I’ve...never been to his place, you know.”

“Oh uh...I can go see him, he’s right there. You could come here, but...I don’t know if you’re cleared to go here. Let me...oh, is your name y/n...y/l/n?”

“Yeah- did he put me in his emergency contacts or…?”

“Well, you’re in the visitor lists, so, I guess so, in a way, yeah. You must be an important friend then.”

“Yeah- we know...each other for a while- yeah.”

“That’s weird, he never mentioned you. I’ll have to ask about you later, I’m kind of interested.”

“Yeah- uh, he’s working at the FBI building, right? What floor is it even?”

“Yes, it’s that. It’s the sixth, you’ll have to hurry though, they should be going soon.”

“I’ll be right there. See you...I guess.”

“See you there!”

Oh god, that was the most stressful situation- how did I not panic? Did she find the fact that I’m able to enter his apartment weird and suspect I’m his partner? Am I supposed to be panicked or chill about it?

Shit.

**

As the briefing who lasted a bit more than planned came to his end, as I briefly checked my bag to see if everything was in it, my phone and badge were missing.

How did I forget them? I swore that I had taken it before leaving.

How can I even do? 

I could possibly attempt a quick trip to my apartment, but that'd only be a waste of time.

I sighed as I climbed down the stairs, suddenly getting interrupted by the sound of a nearby elevator when I happened to walk in that direction before.

I...regret not thinking in advance about my words, as...people were behind me.

“Oh, hey babe- what’s...” I said as soon as she appeared, as I was coming to the realization that I had...messed up when the expressions around me changed. “...up.”

“...hey.” Y/N quietly said after noticing the look on everyone’s faces. 

“Did he- is she?” Luke asked, confused.

“I- You forgot this- these.” She informed, taking the two items in her hand as she handed them to me.

‘What are we supposed to do?’ I inclined my head to the side, frowning my eyebrows.

‘I don’t know!’ She shrugged.

“Oh- are you his friend I had on the phone?” A blonde chirped, walking in.

“It’s ‘girlfriend’, apparently.” Luke corrected.

“But- So-”

“She’s my girlfriend, yeah. I didn’t tell you for..reasons, and-”

“You guys should go- We’ll talk all about this when we get back.” Y/N interrupted.

“Reid's been hiding you, and you don’t think I want to know about that?” Penelope asked.

“But- you’re working on a case, I’m not supposed to-”

“If it’s FBI shit, you’ll just put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, it’s okay.” She waved it off, pulling her aside as they went in the elevator.

“I’ll see you later Spence.”

“Okay, see you-” I said, as the door closed. “No- No questions. Not know.”

“We didn’t set anything.” JJ answered.

“...yet.” Emily continued.

++

“So, what happened? We didn’t see anything, I mean- I kind of suspected...sometimes but-”

“It’s...kind of long. I mean you have work and-”

“I can do two things at the same time.”

“Well uh...we didn’t know each other at first.”

“So like- it’s a fate thing or-”

“Maybe? I mean- I lost my diary at the library, I forgot it when I went to work, and he told me that he found it, didn’t want it to get lost, and so, he asked around where I could be found and, we met.”

“It sounds like cinderella.”

“...kind of. Never thought about that.”

“It really is, like- if you had never lost it, he’d just be a guy sitting with his book.”

“I wouldn’t have the courage to talk to him, because...I think I would have found him interesting.”

“You can thank your brain for making you forget about it. You got a nice boyfriend because of it- wait, I didn’t ask if you were-”

“We’re not engaged yet-”

“I’m gonna tell him to hurry as soon as I get a call with him- How did he not already propose to you?”

“It’s okay- It’s only been one year and a few months, we have-”

“Please let me plan the wedding.”

“It can wait I’m-”

“I have to plan it.”

“Okay but-”

“You’re gonna have to get used to here, you’re gonna come...quite often. Maybe with my apartment too, and Rossi’s. He organizes amazing game nights, it’s always fun.”

“...that’s why Spencer told me to prepare myself-”

“We’re not gonna let you go for a while. I bet they’re harassing him with questions right now.”

“I don’t have anything else today so- guess I’ll be staying for a bit. I’ll have to go later, though. For like- sleeping and all.”

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

“I have work...the craft shop I told you about.”

“Oh- then keep going with the story then-”

“You sure- you-”

“They’re not calling yet. Keep going.”

“Okay- so, he went to the shop…asked where he could find me, as he had something belonging to me- I was in the storage room and my coworker came saying someone had a thing that was mine, and recognized the thing as she saw me with it before. I went to the front- where he was, she left and uh...he gave it back to me. We briefly talked and, as he left I asked him his name- as he knew mine, and...he left.”

“That idiot didn’t ask for your number?”

“He could have come back, I don’t know. He knew where to find me, and...same for me. Next uh...we both had work, I suppose for him, too. And as I got a day off, I went back to the library to also thank the employee that had told him where to find me...and he came again.”

“What happened next? I need to know-”

“Uh- I think we uh...stayed there, for a while, actually. Until we were told that it’d close, and...hung out together till...almost 2AM.”

“Did you-”

“No- just talking. We barely met, we wouldn’t- We were going to go out on a date...later. I asked him first.”

“You did? Oh my god that’s so cute!”

"That was kind of stressful. You don't get to ask guys out pretty often."

"Was Reid your first boyfriend?"

"As a serious relationship, yeah. All of the others were in high school but...they were all idiots. Spencer's the first that...cares about me."

"He's always been very nice in general, I can guarantee that you'll never regret letting him enter in your life, he's gonna treat you like a princess."

"He's already gone through that, he's always supporting me, I...really feel safe, and loved, all the time."

"I'm glad everything's going well for you two. You could have come sooner, we've been asking him quite often if he'd ever present his partner as we were his parents."

"Yeah we- waited a while. We were actually planning on telling it, soon." 

"Well, the 'soon' arrived."

"It was kinda…"

"Unexpected? Yeah, I know."

"It really was but...it's not as stressful as I thought. I...really like it here."

"You're gonna feel home with us, too. You're already there with our genius boy. I can tell you guys really love each other."

"We do, a lot."

"I'm glad for that. You're gonna have a lot to tell every time you come here though."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you everything there is to tell, and let you plan whatever thing there would be to celebrate. Even my wedding."

"Do I really have to wait to plan it?" Penelope asked.

"We could get married in five years, who knows. Are you gonna plan it already?"

"...probably."

"Do I get to help?"

"If you have good taste, yeah."

"It shouldn't be a problem."

"So- Oh, here they are."

"And...back to work." I said.

"Wish I didn't have to now." She sighed, answering. "You've reached the office of knowledge, what can I do for you?" 

++

“So? How did it go with the team?”

“Chaotic. I wish I had taken a car or something instead of the jet who lasted way too long for just three hours.”

“Penelope already wants to plan our wedding here.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. If I didn’t stop her, she would have probably purchased dresses and called Rossi.”

“They also asked me about the wedding here.”

“What can I say? They’re really like a real family.”

“Yeah, they are. You’re gonna like them a lot.”

“I feel like it. Penelope already told me to get used to here because of how often she’ll call. I’m probably going to end up working here.”

“You don’t need to work here to see me, they know now. You’re cleared to come whenever you want.”

“If only you hadn’t- no, I would have probably jumped at your arms if I hadn’t seen them.”

“At least we don’t have to think about it for weeks, just to not say it at the end. It’s done.”

“Just a week ago, you said that you wanted for it to be special, it wasn’t very special to me.”

“It’s kind of...special. No one did that here.”

“Not the kind of ‘special’ you described.”

“It was a...surprising ‘kind of special’.”

“Did you just make that up?”

“I only had that in mind.”

“I thought that you were intelligent enough to just say ‘surprising’.”

“You asked which kind of special it was.”

“Unexpected would have been good too.”

“...yeah. I wanted to spice it up.”

“I’m giving a 7/10 to your spice.”

“That’s the average at least.”

“But- it was fine. I’m being a bit mean.”

“Are you mad it went like that though?”

“Not really. I know you wouldn’t have resolved yourself to say it, so...it’s said. They know, and...I really like them. You could have done it sooner, I missed out. They’re really like you described them to me.”

“Yeah, I would have waited...even more. Let’s hope you’ll get to pass by often, they’re gonna want to see you all the time. I’m pretty sure you have pre-invites to all of the parties they’ll ever organize.”

“At least we’ll be with other people and...do other stuff than staying all day at home, you know.”

“You’re right, yeah. I’ll diversify our days-off.”

 “Heard Rossi knows how to cook pretty good pasta; that’ll change from our failed ones.”

“...definitely. He also makes us cook with him sometimes, but...I think I’ll pass for the ‘boil the pasta’ part.”

“Same for me. I prefer not to ruin the entire thing.”

“If he teaches us, we could get better.”

“Nah...I prefer not to. I’ll stick to the ‘make the pasta’ part.”

“It’s hard to say no to Rossi in general, good luck with that.”

“Is he like everyone’s grandpa or what?”

“Uh...I guess I’d say so. You could kind of see him as that, but I don’t know if he ever allowed anyone in the team to call him like that, except for Hotch, JJ and Matt’s kids.”

“Thanks for the warning, it’s noted.”

“He’s gonna have a bunch of nicknames for you though. He likes to do that with...pretty much everyone he knows.”

“I’m okay with that, he sounds nice from what I heard from you...and Penelope. I’m gonna stay a bit more, she wants...more information about what she doesn’t know yet about us.”

“Send me a text to confirm you’re alive, you’re gonna be staying for a while.”

“Will do, don’t worry. You might receive pictures too, she proposed and I agreed as I always like to take pictures of yours. I...also sent some of you to her, and...she might have sent them to the others.”

“They’re looking at me so...I think they got them.”

“At this point they’re gonna make a scrapbook out of it.”

“They might.”

“They don’t mean to be annoying, I’m sure. They’re just…”

“...really invested. They’re gonna want to know everything there is to say and know. Especially for you as they don’t know you as well as they know me.”

“I guess I’ll be spending my days-offs at another workplace. I’m okay with it.”

“People are gonna wonder if you’re not working there after seeing you that often, you’ll have to correct a lot of people.”

 “I look smart, of course they’re gonna think I’m working there. They should have hired me by now, they’re missing out a lot.”

“You’re right, they should.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be with the profilers though, my talent has its limits. I can only read your face.”

“You’re only a profiler with me then.”

“Yeah, I’m a special one. I’m not risking my life doing it.”

“And not scaring people?”

“Mhm. I’m not.”

“I can tell you’re smiling without seeing you. We got a special talent in common.”

“Oh, come on, you’re the one with 187 IQ, you got the bigger talent here.”

“No, mine is smaller. You lose things all the time, that’s the real talent I don’t have.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose- And be glad I have that ‘talent’, because without it you wouldn’t even be speaking to me right now.”

“I never said it was a bad one, it’s a good one. I met you thanks to it.”

“I guess I can believe that.”

“Believe it! It’s the truth.”

"I love teasing you, I get to hear the squeaky voice.”

“Hey- no teasing about it, I always do it, I can’t help but not have another pitch, it’s like that.”

“I also have one, we’re quit. But- yours is more high-pitched to me.”

“It’s not, I always have a deep and masculine voice- please don’t tell me you’re on speaker.”

“...I’m not on speaker but...she may have- she heard it.”

“Let’s hope she won’t say it to someone else.”

“I can’t guarantee that, but...it’s not the end of the world though.”

“Yeah, it’s not. I’m sorry I...I have to go, in a bit.”

“It’s alright, we got to chat for like...five minutes, it’s a good one.”

“It is. I’ll try to call, or shoot a text if I can.”

“Okay. Love you. Go catch bad guys- and hang up first before we stay another ten minutes.”

“Got it. Love you too. Good luck with Penelope.”

“You’re still on the line.”

“I know- can you do it? I feel bad hanging up at you.”

“Fine. Have a good day-”

I wish we’d have all day to ourselves right now, it’s a bit hard to not have her with me all of a sudden.

Let’s hope I get to be home soon.

++

I wish I didn’t have to witness what happened there.

It...did something to me.

I didn’t know anything about her, except the same things as everyone, such as her name, personal information and their job, but...when we went there, and saw that she had already died, I felt...weird.

As if they were someone I knew, it hit way too close to home for me, as if they were the feelings I would have for y/n if anything would ever happen.

It may be weird to think about that...out of the blue, and it also may be a bit soon, or sudden but, I thought a lot about when she told me that Garcia was already planning our wedding as soon as they began talking.

It really got me thinking again, as it definitely wasn’t the first time that occured. 

A lot of the people we dealt with in cases lost their lost ones suddenly, didn’t get a proper goodbye, regretted their last words before they last saw them, and...even if that’s not the case with her, I always leave, leaving her to wonder whether I’m gonna come back in one piece or at the hospital.

I’m aware of how bad I’m scaring her every time; she’s always waiting for a text to know if I’m alive to stop her from worrying, and even though I know she won’t have risks of getting hurt in most cases, I can’t stop but get scared for her, especially when I’m so far from her.

I’ve seen what happened with other loved ones in my team, and that’s not what I want to happen to her.

It’s only been...almost two years, it’s not enough at all, but...we never really talked about the future, getting married and all that stuff, we’ve been fine staying as boyfriend and girlfriend, it didn’t really matter, and we had all the time to talk about it.

So...I don’t really know if that’d be sudden.

But, at the same moment...I do want to do that; y/n means a lot to me, and that would be...mainly stressful but, it’s something that means a lot.

I want to do this, really, but...I don’t want it to be like a few days ago, it wasn’t planned, and again, I would have wanted for it to go differently.

But, after that case, and many more that happened, what if something happens before I come back? What if I get other cases, more work? 

It could, and could not happen, I can’t know in advance.

That’s why I hate it when I don’t know things I actually need information about, it freaks me out.

I have no way to plan what could happen, and it’s even worse for y/n, from what I can imagine.

If something does happen, she won’t be the first to know, but due to the possible lack of calls, or anything else, she could first think of something bad, but won’t know it it’s quite bad, if nothing happened, or if she’s gonna have a call she never wished for.

I know it’s weird to think about all of that, but my job isn’t made of riskless things, I’m aware of it.

I wouldn’t be thinking about that if it was any less calm.

All that my brain can think of is that the rest of my life has to be spent with her, I can’t do it with anyone else, if she’s not there. 

A simple diary made us meet each other, without it, my life wouldn’t have changed much from what I can say.

It really is fun to think that we met because of an object.

It’s quite weird to go back to when she wasn’t here, I’ve been so used to being with her.

It’s probably cliché, but I can’t imagine not having her around now that I’ve met her.

She’s sort of a part of me if I had to describe it.

She’s the reason why I look even more forward to the end of a case, going home, doing simple things as walking around the neighborhood, grocery shopping, or even getting ready for bed.

The last is the best moment of the day along with waking up having her next to me; I’m often awake first in the morning, so I get to look at her a bit more in advance before she wakes up on her own.

She always smiles first thing when she wakes up, even if she’s really tired.

That’s one of the things I prefer.

I always end up staying longer as she had trouble getting out of bed, I’d even get her out of bed by carrying her for a bit as if she was a child.

But, it makes her feel happy and loved, so, I don’t mind doing it.

When we get ready for bed, I’m usually the last to sleep as I watch her until she falls asleep. 

I can’t help but do that every time, even if I’m a bit tired.

She yells at me a bit when she hears I do that instead of enjoying all of the hours I have, but, I just tell her the only excuse I had and always have.

I still haven’t found another, really.

Probably because the one I always tell her is the only that has ever existed to me, I don’t think it will change.

It probably won’t, I like that excuse.

I really don’t want anything to change, I really like the way everything is.

How she is, how she looks, when we’re together, I just can’t imagine something better.

That’s why I just...with all I’ve seen around me, what happened, of all the losses I’ve experienced, I can’t stand thinking about that ever changing, I have to tell her how I love her for the millionth time, hold her as much as I can, memorize all of the details of her face once again, and again.

I always do them more than we can recall, but...I want to do that once again, even if she tells me I’ve done these enough.

I want to express how much I love her, even if she knows it as that’s the first thing she gets to know in the morning, when we go to bed, when I leave for work, at the end of a call, or even at random moments when I look at her for a while, and end up randomly saying: “you know that I love you so bad, right?” 

She smiles at it, every time.

After that, she often ends up telling me how cheesy I can be sometimes before kissing my lips and laying close to me if she wasn’t already with me.

I don’t want that to stop, I have to feel it again, think about it after it happens for hours, it can’t stop.

I also hope I won’t have to have her go through all of that fear when I leave every time.

I always feel bad about it to this day, and I know it won’t change until I decide to quit it, but...as much as she hates the risks and all of the stuff coming with it, she’ll kill me if I decide to quit, she knows how much that job is important.

So...I have to tell her, again.

I want to be able to be with her, go through whatever problem could happen, agreements we might have, I want to do all of this.

I’m willing to do all of this, no matter how tough it gets.

Y/N’s the only one I ever cared so much about, I don’t think I’ve ever done that with anyone else other than my mother.

I’m not also saying that I don’t care about my team who could pass as my own family, but, y/n’s the one.

The one that makes me feel special, that I always want to see, that pulls me through the day even if I’m having a bad case, the one that is always willing to talk even if it’s 2 in the morning, she never gave up on me, I don’t remember one moment when I wouldn’t hear about her.

I don’t want to hesitate about anything else.

I’m sure about this.

I will tell her exactly what I thought about, what I’ll think, what I thought from the beginning, whether she already knows some details by heart.

And I’ll tell her anyway for the only and one reason that it’s because I’ve always been so cheesy and hopelessly in love with her.

That is the only thing that will never change.

++

I don’t think I’ve even ran so fast after having to pass to the office for just some papers.

I’ve barely said goodbye to the team, and they kind of were surprised to see me rushing so bad.

They’ve probably figured out that it was because I was excited to see y/n now that they know about her, and, that is the case, but I don’t think that any of them even know what I’m about to do.

I really can’t believe it’s actually happening myself.

I’m about to do something that usually takes a while to figure out, think about, plan, and that isn’t that easy to do as it’s not something that’s to be taken lightly.

But I’m really sure, I’m aware of all of the possible reasons why I’m doing it.

I’m aware of why I’m about to marry her.

I’m not doing this as a joke, or anything else that wouldn’t make it serious.

I want to wake up knowing she’s the person I’ll be with my whole life, that I’ll be able to love even more, brag about more, think again when I’m not doing well.

I want her to know all of that.

I just can’t wait.

It’s...really crazy and sudden, and I’ve thought that it was stupid at first because of these reasons, but I don’t think it quite is.

I’m doing this for a reason, and I’ve never been so sure and confident even if that is the most stressful thing I could ever do in my life.

I just hope I won’t collapse...even if that’s a bit exaggerated to me, but, I guess it’s the whole tension, stress that’s talking.

She has no idea that I planned to do that, the only thing she knows is that I’m on my way as I told her before driving home.

If there wasn’t other vehicles, or a speed limit, I think that I would have already been there.

When I pulled out of the parking lot as no places were available nearby, I bounced my feet on the floor of the elevator all the way.

I’m kind of surprised that it didn’t crash because of that.

I’m also glad that I managed to make it to my front door, still alive.

When I took out my keys out of my pocket, missing the lock once before getting it right as I took a large breath, I already heard the sound of the bedroom door opening in a hurry when she heard the front door.

After hearing a short fumbling once I had closed the door; she had jumped in my arms as soon as I turned back to her.

The first thing that really came to mind was that she had immediately felt like home; as she always did.

She hugged me, without a word for whatever time was enough to her, until she pulled back to probably give me air.

“Welcome back. Sorry for the...sudden jump. I hope you-”

“I didn’t.” I replied, planting a short kiss on her lips. “I’ll never mind, never.”

“I know. Do you want me to uh...cook something for you? I don’t think we have much left except some eggs, I forgot to go to the store after work.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’m fine with it. I’ll help you with it so you don’t burn the apartment down. It’ll be a bit...bad to have to deal with a fire now.”

“You’re not wrong, yeah. Let’s avoid that, but- don’t criticize my possible talents! The only thing I’ll burn is the food itself. I’ll be turning the gas off as soon as I’ll see the food burning.”

“Okay- I trust you. Do you want me to let you cook on your own?”

“I like being independent, but…no, stay.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure we don’t eat burned food. We both deserve nice food after the long day we’ve had.”

“Too bad we don’t have a heart pan...you know I would have wanted to do that.”

“We’ll buy one tomorrow, don’t worry. Look, just so we don’t forget…” I took my phone from the couch, walking back next to her. “Okay, it’s on the reminder app.”

“You won’t forget it, each stuff you read stays in your memory. ‘Can’t guarantee for me.” Y/N admitted, lightly chuckling.

“You won’t forget, don’t worry. Don’t overestimate your brain.”

“I forget stuff all the time, I don’t trust him too much.”

“Don’t call yourself dumb, you’re certainly not. You’re very smart, and- you wouldn’t be even awake without your brain.”

“Oh, yeah, forgot the science thingy part. I kind of figured out that you’d  be telling me that, you’re really predictable.”

“I can’t argue on that one.”

“You, not arguing? You always have an explanation that’s as long as an essay. You’re lucky that I’m interested in it.”

“I’m quite surprised that you manage to stay interested all long. Not all of the people I work with make it through the whole thing.”

“It’ll never be boring to me.”

“You sure about that? I may deliver a talk worth a four page essay.”

“Not so late, tomorrow, I promise.”

“Okay, tomorrow. Let’s cook before we get too tired.”

“Can you go first? I’m always afraid of getting burned by that.”

“I was going to do it, I was kind of afraid for you.”

“Oh- thanks, I guess.”

“Anything for you.”

++

Just as if I didn’t have everything planned in my head for hours, once we did the eggs, talked a bit, and layed on the bed without bothering to get rid of our outside clothes;

I still didn’t know.

I was beyond stressed.

Would it be going well?

Would she react well?

If I suddenly don’t know what to say, what do I even do next?

Of course, I was still very sure of it, more than anything, but turns out that the stress just didn’t want me to do that apparently.

I still don’t get why it had to get in the way just now.

I just have to overcome it, it’ll be...totally okay.

It’s going to be okay.

I just have to somehow get to talk and manage to know what I want to say...I guess?

“Are you okay? You didn’t say anything for a while.”

“Oh, sorry I...I was thinking about something.”

“Is it a bad or good thing?”

“It’s a good one, not bad...at all. I just don’t know if...I can say it. It’s a stressful one.”

“I’m not sleeping for a bit more, you can go ahead. If it’s stressful, I guess it must be an important thing.”

“It’s an important one, yeah.”

“Go ahead then, I’ll be listening to every word, won’t miss a bit. You got all of my attention.” Y/N said, sitting up on the side of the bed.

“Okay, okay. Um...I don’t really know where to start, and how to, but...I think I’ll be saying everything at one moment or another.” I explained, as I sat up next to her. “I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and slightly hesitated at the beginning as I told myself that it’d be a stupid decision, but I know that it’s something I’m sure of, it’s not something I thought of for a minute before deciding that I’d be doing it. I have to say that I haven’t been thinking about it deeply since months, but the time I thought about it was enough to decide that it was what I wanted.”

“You’re starting to worry me right now...I thought it was a good thing, and- you know I freak out easily…”

“It’s definitely a good thing, I just...there’s a lot to say. It might be an essay long, I just want to say everything that’s important.”

“Okay, I’m listening. You can keep going, sorry.” She apologized, as I put my hand on hers to reassure her.

“I...I’ve had a while to think about all of this. Barely two years, but...I never really thought about it to the point of having a whole essay to say. There’s just so many things to say about how I feel about you that I can’t select which ones to put so it could be shorter. I know we’ve talked about it a lot of times, but thanks for purchasing that diary in the first place, it’s what started our story, basically. I could also thank the one that made it but...I have no idea.” I admitted, pulling a short laugh from her. “And thanks for forgetting it, too. Your forgiveness came in handy, and we’re here now. It may be all cliché and all, but that’s what changed me. A simple book, that lead me to you. I can’t thank you enough for talking to me, and not letting go.

I really thought that I was nothing but a stranger that found something for you, and that you’d end up moving on. I didn’t move on after that, you kept staying in my head. I was persuaded that you had forgotten me and that I should...leave it there. We only knew each other’s names, that didn’t mean that I could talk to you more to me. Now, I kind of want to punch my past self for that.

I turned out to be more than wrong. When I stepped in that day, I was going to find some excuse to talk to you, and pretend I didn’t see you, but I couldn’t do that. You were all I could see in that place. Pretending that I didn’t see you would have been rude.”

“You could have done it, I wouldn’t have been mad. I probably would have done the same.” She admitted.

“I couldn’t have, really. You were all I could think about, so, not looking at you after not being able to see you? That wasn’t possible. I can’t even do that now. When I look at you, I can allow myself to basically let go of whatever stresses me in my work. I know I shouldn’t be talking about it too much, but thank you for supporting me, even after all of the scares I gave you. I won’t be talking about quitting as you said that you’d kill me if I’d do it.”

“The offer is still up. I won’t let you quit until you’re at least 60.”

“I’m not planning on dying yet, I won’t quit. But, I’m sorry for all of the stress that I put you through. I wish I could make it less stressful. You’re so strong for that, I really don’t know how you manage to not have a heart attack, you’re truly amazing.

You can be proud of that though. I want you to be.

You’ve made me feel stronger because of this too. Your strength, your support, your love, all of that allows me to pull through.

I can’t imagine having to go through that without you. You became such an important part of my life, that I just...can’t imagine not having you here by my side. You matter so much to me, I really want you to know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can’t do that with anyone else now that I’ve met you. You make me feel so loved, so happy, everyday, and...I want to feel like this forever. I don’t want that to change ever.” 

Don’t screw this up.

You got this.

“Since I’ve met you, you’ve given me a reason to be better, to do better. Something changed when you came into my life, I’m not the doctor Reid from two years ago anymore. I would constantly overthink, I was never sure of anything, I was a mess. But now, you’ve pushed me to say what I have in mind, you’ve made me more confident, and I’ve never been sure of something my entire life. My old self wouldn’t have done that at all. 

I've realized that I can't live without you anymore. I've lost too many things, and I definitely can't lose you. You're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. And before you say anything, not even books, TV shows, or whatever else is better. You're the one that I love the most, and that I'll also love for many and many years. 

I've...also realized that I've said the entirety of a monologue, and you're probably wondering what that was for so, I'll get to the point." I explained, briefly leaving her side to take something from my pocket, a gasp leaving her lips as I suddenly put a knee on the floor, pulling the box open.

"It would be an immeasurable pleasure to be able to share my life with you, as long as we both shall live. So...I, Spencer Reid, would like to know if the wonderful woman in front of my eyes would accord me the pleasure of marrying me?" 

"Of course I will, you idiot!" Y/N exclaimed, pressing her lips against mine.

"Is that a yes though?" I asked, still against her lips.

"It's a yes." She answered, as we both pulled back from the other when I took her left hand, slightly struggling to take the ring out of the box.

After a few seconds, and a few laughs, I nervously slid the ring on her finger, looking at her when I was done.

"...I understand the stress you had now. I...I really don't have the words right now. I kind of feel bad about not having anything to say. I just...want you to know that I also love you, so much. Thank you for being here with me, and...marrying me. This is...the best thing, ever." She said, her eyes watering.

"I would marry you every day if it was possible."

"If only. We have to plan a whole wedding now. I think we're gonna need a lot of help."

"That depends when you want it to happen."

"That also depends how fast it can be organized. Because if it can be done in one week, that would be...amazing. I can't wait another year."

"It's as it was already done babe. I bet Penelope already planned everything from the moment she met you."

"I wouldn't be surprised. Gosh, I can't wait to be able to call you my husband." She admitted.

"And I can't wait to be able to call you my wife." 

++

"Can you...frickin' believe that? We met her just a bit ago, and like...one month after I get to organize their wedding? This is totally crazy. She even let me help choose her dress, her damn dress!" 

"Of course she'd let you help Penelope. She couldn't have even said no to you, and as she didn't say no, she asked for your help as none of them knew how to do all this." Luke answered.

"I could literally drop out of the FBI and become a wedding planner at this point. Don't yell at me in calls, because you know what I'm gonna do next."

"We won't, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the wedding, you literally help plan the best day of their lives, they're not gonna be doing that every day." He reassured.

"That's too bad that it's only gonna last for a day. It's a shame we'll have to take everything down though."

"Just enjoy. Calm down for a bit."

Penelope took a deep breath, tapping Luke’s shoulder as she began leaving, but stopped for a second. "I'm gonna see if she's even ready. Someone go check on the boy wonder." 

“Yes, ma’am.”

++

“Y/N? Can I enter? It’s Pen.” Garcia asked, knocking a few times.

“As long as you’re not Spencer with a voice changer or something, yeah.” I said, as the lock of the door made itself heard signaling that the door was open, before she closed it on her way in.

“I thought you weren’t ready yet! Spencer’s gonna be downstairs soon.”

“I’m ready physically, not mentally. This is the part when I stress down.”

“What are you stressed about? Here, sit for a bit.” She motioned, putting her hand on mine when we had sat down.

“I don’t know...I, it’s the whole wedding thing. It’s not about Spencer or anything, I do still want to marry him, but...I’m just stressing about it. It didn’t hit me until today.”

“I get it. Lots of people, the big event, and mostly, marrying someone who matters. Don’t tell me one of your worries is that he’s not gonna find you beautiful or regret. There’s no way. Because, I know...we weren’t supposed to send messages to the boys before today, but, he spoke about you practically all night. He couldn’t believe that it was happening, I mean- who wouldn’t be stressed about marrying such a beautiful girl? So, stop that. All of the people here are only friends you know and family. There’s nothing else to stress about, I listed everything, and none of them is something you should overstress about, it’s going to be okay.”

“I know, I...I just stressed all of a sudden. And, I know he doesn’t think that, I just had the stress bringing all of those...stressful thoughts. Am I the only one who stresses at their wedding or is it normal? I don’t want to ruin anything because I’ll end up stressing, not knowing what to say-”

“You will be okay. You’ll know what to say the minute you’ll see him. Come here-” She rushed forward, taking my hand to put me on my feet as she directed me in front of the mirror. “Do you think Spencer isn’t stressed too when he thinks that he’s gonna marry you? You’re beautiful, amazing, strong, extremely kind, dedicated, I mean- he’s so lucky to have you. Anyone else would be stressed, it’s normal, you don’t have to think that you’re ruining anything, at all. Because that’s all I see when I look at that mirror. There’s not enough adjectives to describe your beauty right now, I think we’re gonna have to invent new ones at this point. I mean- look at you!” She exclaims, putting her head on my shoulder as she smiles.

“I’m probably also stressed because of how handsome he is too. I mean…wow. I’m marrying Spencer fucking Reid. It’s not anyone, he’s a literal god and a total genius.”

“And he is going to marry y/n fucking y/l/n. You’re not anyone as well, you’re a smokin’ hot bomb, a goddess and a strong, independent woman.”

“Okay, I am smokin’ hot.”

“Bet you are. So, now that everything is okay, you wait here. Don’t worry, Hotch’s gonna come soon, he’s probably finishing off a talk with our boy wonder. I’ll see you in a bit!” Penelope hurried out, leaving the room.

I’m marrying...fucking Spencer Reid.

Someone pinch me. I feel like this is a dream.

Ow- it’s not one.

It’s...really happening.

++

“I now declare you husband, and wife. You can kiss your wife, kid.” Rossi announces, as I advanced towards y/n, covering both sides of her face with my hands as the embrace deepens afterwards.

Soon enough, whoops and hollers echo through the backyard, as we pull back with smiles on both on our faces, maintaining our gaze on the other.

It’s official.

We’re finally both able to call the other our spouse, from now on, and forever.

Just two years ago, I never would have thought that this would happen.

I was just Spencer Reid, a guy that would always overthink, think he wasn’t good enough for anyone, didn’t think about ever going on dates, I was a total mess...until that diary.

It’s a bit ridiculous to say that I’ve overcome what would have refrained me from ever being with someone thanks to an object, but...that’s really what happened.

Who in the hell would have even thought that a person that I barely knew with only a few words would slowly become a familiar person, then a friend, a partner, and as I totally didn’t expect...my wife.

It all seems unreal, even now.

But it really is, believe it or not. I heard the words well, slid her ring on her hand; after that, she slid my ring on mine, Rossi announced it...and we kissed.

I pinched myself while she wasn’t looking, and it still wasn’t a dream.

I was married to her.

Even when we talked to our friends, we never let go of the other.

We were probably afraid that one of us was going to disappear if we ever let go of their hand.

I have no idea if some found it weird, I didn’t even care.

I was with her, she was with me, and we were both married.

That’s the only thing that mattered.

And...now that I think about what sealed our fates and lives forever as I looked at y/n;

It’s a good thing that I paid attention to my surroundings that day.

++

Let me know if you liked this fic here!

[camdentown-library]

You hurt me first || male!Eivor x fem!Reader

(GIF by eivorella )

𝕺𝖍, 𝖆 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖋𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖔𝖋𝖋 𝖆 𝖘𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖋, 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖎𝖙 𝖇𝖊?

Summary: You are a Hidden-One and Eivor is your travel companion. Things will change when Eivor forgets one of your important expeditions to spend a whole day with Randvi. What will happen? Requested? ANON: I love love LOVE your writing  😭 and I have a request that I hope you would accept 🥺 could you write a jealous reader x eivor awwww I love that kind of stuff about randvi’s crush on eivor and a cute confession at the end. 😚 Genre: Fluff, a bit angst (only 20%) Words: 2048

NOTE: siktir et = Fuck in turkish

"Eivor" your voice called the attention of the Viking who was returning to Ravensthorpe on a horse "But where have you been?" you asked impatiently putting your hands on your hips. You had been looking for him all day, today you would have had to leave for the porssimo kingdom to conquer, important peace negotiations were underway and he needed an alliance as much as you to find the rest of the order of the ancients. The blond friend with an agile leap jumped off his steed and only then did you notice that Randvi was with him, riding another horse. As your eyes met your stomach felt a sharp pang, as if your own hidden blade had pierced your organ, while a bitter aftertaste formed at the end of your tongue. "Y/N!" Eivor said in a joyful tone, awakening you from your hostile thoughts "Were you looking for me perhaps?" the hands on your hips tightened in a tenacious grip for the nervous. "Maybe I was looking for you?!" you asked with an ironic tone "siktir et Eivor, have you forgotten what we were supposed to do today?" you asked visibly annoyed, while your Viking friend (probably from the alcohol still running lightly in his veins) looked at you puzzled as he tilted his head to one side. You stared up in shock, was he really so overwhelmed by Randvi and his stupid crush that he forgot why they were there in Ravensthorpe?! "Oxenfordscire?! Your brother Sigurd?! We were supposed to leave this morning and I've been looking for you all day!" you said angry, while Eivor remained silent not knowing what to repeat "Your brother and my mentor had requested our presence, the negotiations seem to be more difficult than you thought, but apparently it is more important for you to go roaming around fields with Randvi!" your tone became more and more poisonous, and your anger and your jealousy took more and more possession of your body, leaving your calm and calculating Hidden-One mind on the corner "And tell me Eivor, did you drink together? fucked? Or maybe you did both, since you're back in the late afternoon" Randvi's gaze became dark with slight embarrassment, while getting off the horse she slowly walked towards the long house of Jarl Eivor on her side she seemed to have lost her patience, and as always she knew how to do, besides regaining consciousness of himself, he sharpened his sharpest weapon: his tongue and his words. "Stop being a child, Y/N! And above all do not disrespect Randvi, she is the Jarl's wife" replied the man approaching you, his tone was grim even though he tried to stay calm. "Jarl's wife? Seriously Eivor? Do you think ... Do you think I am blind or deaf by any chance?" you asked mimicking his words, while Eivor shook his head in disappointment. "I just took Randvi for a walk, you see she doesn't have the privilege like you of being able to roam far and wide, her duty is to stay locked up in that damn long house. I just let her breathe some air new and moreover..” Eivor took a few more steps towards you, but you did not retreat, as your faces left a few centimeters away “I have no obligation to inform you about my private life, you are not my Jarl , you are not my mother and you are not my wife” your eyes met for a moment, but nothing romantic passed through them, only disappointment and anger. Eivor had been clear with you, you were nobody to him, just a foreign girl who, together with her mentor and her partner, had entered the crow's clan. Pathetic, that's what you were, pathetic to have thought for just a moment that that rough, arrogant Viking cared about you. You took a deep breath, never looking down at those ocean-blue eyes and turning your back on Eivor you said in a cold tone: "I'm leaving now and alone" you said as you mounted the nearest horse. "Wait, the sun has almost gone down now, it's not safe to venture out" said the groom, emerging from the horse stable. "I've ridden alone for years in the desert and in far more hostile places than a couple of green hills" you said seriously and arrogantly, and then cast one last look at Eivor, who looked you in the eye almost...sorry. No! Nonsense...It was obvious he was anything but that or he wouldn't have said those heartless words to you. I beckoned to the horse to leave, and the horse pawing enthusiastically set off at a gallop towards the Oxenfordscire.

* * *

Night had fallen over the moors and forests of distant, cold England. You had camped near a river with your horse, while next to you there was a small fire lit in the hope of keeping you warm. You swore in your mother tongue that you were so reckless...you could at least have taken some fur or something to eat, and instead you were there, cold, alone and with nothing to eat. You looked out over the river, letting the water mirror the image of your face. Look at you, anything but feminine, foreign and definitely not Viking. What did you think was springing up in Eivor's heart? The burning fuse of love? The truth is that you were a fish out of water and neither you, nor Hytham, nor Basim would ever have been part of that extended family. A tear full of frustration, furrowed your face contracted in a grimace that tried in every way to suppress the desperate need to cry and in the impetus you chased a menacing growl by throwing a slap at that river, thus breaking your reflection. A strange rustle in the bushes caught your attention, making you whirl towards that threatening noise. Something was hiding in the dense bush! Slowly you let your hidden blade slip away from your wrist, approaching with extreme silence towards the source of your threat, and as soon as you noticed a dark shape hiding behind the trunk of a tree, you slid as quickly as a splinter, pushing the intruder to the ground . You overtook him immediately, sitting astride his chest and blocking his mighty arms with your legs, while the tip of your blade dangerously caressed his throat. "Give me a good reason not to kill you intruder or you will not see your precious Valhalla" you said threateningly, trying to see his identity in the dim light. "Well if you do, you'll have to explain to Sigurd the reason for his brother's demise" that voice ... Eivor? "You..." "Yeah ..." "YOU HAVE FOLLOWED ME" you said indignantly. "How could I have left you alone?" Eivor asked him indignantly this time. "Yes, sure, right ... spare your bullshit when you explain to Sigurd your delay in Oxenfordscire" you answered bitterly, shaking your head. Eivor was silent for a few moments, perhaps admitting defeat in that speech, and then cleared his throat. "As much as I'm finding, here ... very exciting having a woman straddling my chest, could you take your blade off my throat?" your face flushed with embarrassment and anger and after snorting annoyed you said: "I would really want to pierce your dick with this one, at least so you won't be fooled with that instead of your head" You got up nimbly from him, trying to ignore his amused laugh, how could he behave like this after your argument? Ugh...that man was absurd...

You both leaned back around the small fire you made while Eivor rummaged in his big bag. You tried hard not to stare and ignore it, but when you recognized the smell of dried meat, your throat twisted with hunger. "Have you eaten? I brought some food from Ravensthorpe" Eivor explained, as he brought two succulent strips of dried meat to you, but you shook your head. "I'm not hungry" but he didn't seem to believe it, in fact he raised an eyebrow along with the corner of his mouth. "As you want, then I'll eat it all" he said marking the last words...what a bastard, was he psychologically torturing you?! A cold gust of wind, however, shook you abruptly from your thoughts, making you shiver noisily...damn, what would you pay for a fur coat to cover you with, that cold was so different from the hot nights of Constantinople. Something heavy wrapped around our shoulders, and blinking in perplexity, you turned to Eivor, who had moved to your side, covering you too with his fur cloak. "I don't need you, stop it" you said arrogantly as he rolled his eyes. "Listen, I'm just trying to get you all to your destination, difficult days ahead and I need you and all your strength" the wheat-haired Viking explained seriously. "You wouldn't think you cared today" "Wha-? Listen Y/N ... I don't know what got into you today but I didn't want things to be like this" "Didn't you want? Eivor, you literally told me that my opinion doesn't count for you" the man bit his tongue at the thought of what he had said and shaking his head said: "I can prove to you it's not like that" "Go on" "Today, when Randvi and I were walking, she kissed me" you opened your eyes wide in shock, as you felt for the second time your heart crack into a thousand pieces "But! I rejected her...And not because she was the wife about my brother...as I initially thought. When I saw you go off on horseback, alone, the very thought of not being able to protect you made me feel like I was lost in the cold lands of Hel” he explained, it seemed really to be honest "And when I finally saw you camped here I was able to breathe again knowing that you were not in danger..." "This is not love, it's just a sense of guilt Eivor” you tried to reject it, still burned by your own jealousy. "No, no it's not guilt! I...I want you Y/N, I feel it when you climbed on me to attack me, I feel it now that we are close to warm up, I...for Odin sake I cannot be without you I'm sorry things had to go like this” he said, looking you in the eye. His expression seemed sincere, all of a sudden it no longer seemed I had a fierce and arrogant Viking beside me, but ... a wolf cub, a tender puppy, who just wanted to have his love reciprocated by him. Now it was your heart that was filled with guilt. "In truth...it is not because of the missed mission that I have taken it out on you, Eivor...seeing you with Randvi, has me-ugh what a shame in saying these things... I felt abandoned, I felt cornered, I felt I was worth nothing to you and I could touch the feeling that she was taking you away from me-” your speech was interrupted by the hand of the Viking who fleetingly grabbed your chin making it turn towards him, so as to be able to join your lips in a chaste first impact kiss, but which then poured out all your need to be united, to be able to touch you, to be able to merge your souls into one League.

"I'm here, forever Y/N" Eivor whispered as his mouth brushed yours "but only if you stop being an angry child and promise me you'll eat something, mh?" he said with a playful little smile, getting a light slap on the cheek from you. "Otherwise? Are you abandoning me?" you asked ironically, raising an eyebrow. "I know methods of torture that you cannot imagine, to make you smile with force" he said, returning the ironic tone, while his calloused hands caressed your soft hips. "I thought you were leaving these things to the Ragnarsson, Wolfkissed" you pretended to be surprised, as he pressed his lips to your ear and kissed the earlobe, while his frizzy beard tickled your sensitive skin, giving you a few snorts of laughter. "You don't know my evil side then" he replied with a chuckle and playfully biting your jaw.

[idreamofplaid]

A Merry Little Christmas

Summary: Christmas can be, above all, a season of hope. Dean reminds the reader of that.

Characters: Dean x Reader; Marla & Ted (OCs)

Word Count: 2821

Warnings: Oral (female receiving)

A/N: This is for @firefly-in-darkness written as part of @negans-lucille-tblr ‘s fic exchange. I hope you like it. It’s inspired by the song “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”.

The bar was empty with the exception of some of the hardcore regulars. It was the week before Christmas, and that changed the clientele somewhat, but not entirely. Some of the fortunate had places to be, loved ones to draw near, and celebrations to bring to life the joyful intent of the season. For others, it was the same routine, December 25th was just another day on the calendar. 

Marla Henderson had her usual seat at the end of the bar wearing something tight fitting and low cut to see whose eye she might catch. She’d been doing it ever since her husband left in a desperate grab at feeling wanted, desired, and validated again. Watching her always made Y/N feel a hollow, nagging sadness in the pit of her stomach. She could be Marla in a few years, only without the husband. 

That thought filled her with melancholy, and the music from the jukebox wasn’t helping. The Carpenters could always make her feel wistful even when the song was about roasting chestnuts and meant to be festive. The garland that was hanging in swags around the room was also having the opposite of the desired effect on her. It looked out of place, like a poor attempt at a pretense of merriment.

Ted Markham was also here tonight, slinging back the whiskeys. The holidays hadn’t changed anything for him, or about him. He was always on the prowl, looking to get lucky, and far too often he was looking to get lucky with her; tonight was no different. “Hey, darlin’, how about another one?”

She poured another shot in his glass and asked a little more cynically than she should  with a customer, “Don’t you ever have a limit, Ted?”

He put his hand over hers suggestively. “Not too often, gorgeous.”

She pulled her hand away and put the bottle back on the shelf. He just wasn’t getting the hint tonight. “Y/N, why don’t you come over here and sit on this stool next to me? It’s a slow night. Nobody’s gonna mind.”

He was right about one thing. It was a slow night. Couples seemed to have already paired up for the holidays to bask in the warmth of true love or enjoy a fleeting whatever to help get them through the season. After a string of disappointing boyfriends and too many dashed dreams of holiday romance, Y/N had basically given up. “Sounds tempting, Ted, but I’m gonna pass.”

He wasn’t usually a belligerent drunk, but maybe something in the tone of her voice had set him off. “Now is that any way to talk to your best customer?”

Y/N had been in her share of tight spots thanks to her chosen line of work over the years, but this time she found herself getting really uncomfortable and just wishing she could sink beneath the bar and hide.

She was struggling for a comeback and starting to get flustered when a tall, powerfully built stranger with broad shoulders and the face of a Calvin Klein model confidently strode up to the bar. He made a point of standing in Ted’s space and flashed Y/N an easy smile. She got lost in his deep green eyes for a minute and almost missed what he said. “Sorry I’m late, sweetheart.”

He gave a cursory glance over his shoulder at Ted. That was all he needed to do. This man had an air about him that anyone with an ounce of sense or self preservation would know not to challenge. Ted made a lame excuse about it being late and hastily left.

The unknown, handsome guy took a seat on the barstool Ted had vacated. Marla was already giving him her best sultry look. Y/N recovered from her earlier discomfort. There was something about being in this guy’s presence that made her feel safe. She couldn’t think of anything clever to say so she went with, “Thanks for rescuing me. Can I offer you a drink on the house?”

He smiled again, and she felt her Grinch like shrunken heart start to glow a little bit. “Sure. I’m Dean.” He extended his hand.  When she accepted his hand to shake it, it was warm, solid, and strong. Y/N could get used to the feeling of that hand.

Dean stayed until closing time, and after a couple shots of whiskey he had switched to beer. It was a small gesture but one that didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N. He wasn’t interested in getting drunk.

Y/N wasn’t sure why he was alone in a bar tonight. Maybe he didn’t have anywhere to go? Maybe he was alone too? That was hard to believe; look at him. And for the first time since she’d noticed Dean, she did. She really looked at him.

There was a depth in his eyes that it was easy to miss at first, probably because he kept it hidden; he didn’t want anyone to see it. It was a type of softness wrapped up and hidden by the hard glint he’d most likely put in his eyes because sometimes he needed that to survive.

Y/N was fascinated by Dean and spent the rest of her shift getting to know him. Marla gave up after about forty-five minutes and left when Dean hadn’t so much as tossed a look in her direction. Y/N’s questions weren’t too probing, just the getting to know you kind of stuff. “I’ve never seen you around before. What brings you to town?”

Dean took a slow drag from his beer, and the way his full lips circled around the opening of that bottle was more than a little distracting. He gave a mirthless chuckle and sighed. “Business is kind of slow for once. Don’t have much family, just my brother. He’s got a new girlfriend. They’ve been dancing around each other for a couple of years now. Finally took the plunge, and I’d just be the third wheel. So, I hit the open road to see where it’d take me.” He took another drink of his beer and appraised her with his eyes. They stopped their downward movement at her neck, which she also appreciated. “What about you? How’d you end up in this bar?”

This was a story Y/N didn’t tell often. She preferred to keep it pushed back as far as she could get it, covered in dust, on a high shelf where no one ever looked. She wanted to tell him, and poured herself a drink to reinforce her courage. “I needed a new start. Life didn’t turn out at all like I had expected or hoped, and I thought a change in geography might magically fix it.” She put her whiskey glass down on the bar after only taking one sip. “I was wrong.” 

Dean didn’t say anything, instead waiting for her to go on when she was ready. “I didn’t have the happiest childhood. For awhile I thought I’d escaped all that. Met a guy. We even had a little house together, but then he cheated on me. End of fairytale.”

Dean leaned forward, resting his forearms on the bar. His voice was quiet, reflective. He looked into her eyes, and she knew he actually saw her. “Bastard. You deserved better.”

Y/N laughed, the way she sometimes did when she didn’t know how to process her feelings. “How do you know? You just met me.”

Dean paused, and there was a heaviness in his words when he answered, “I know how to read people.”

Y/N laughed again. “Do you think you could teach me how to do that? I always pick the wrong guy. Did it three more times after him.” She downed the remaining whiskey in her glass.

Wanting to change the subject, Y/N looked around the bar to see if someone needed a refill. She’d been so engrossed in her conversation with Dean that she hadn’t noticed the place had completely emptied out, and it was only 1 am. Christmas. People and their places to go, or worse their utter despair at having nowhere to go. Dean looked around and assessed the situation too. He turned back to her, “Hey, why don’t you close up? I’ll wait and take you home.”

She welcomed his offer; she didn’t want to be alone in this place tonight. The sadness, desperation, and discontent just seemed to hang in the air. Y/N made quick work of wiping down all the tables and securing the stockroom, including the safe. Dean was waiting for her when she reemerged.

He pulled his keys from his pocket; the jingle was loud, but not unpleasant in the empty bar. “My car’s outside.” Y/N nodded. She’d call someone to get a ride to work tomorrow; her car would be okay here. Right now, she just wanted someone to take care of her, even if all that meant was a ride home.

His car matched the man. Rare. Powerful. Something you didn’t see everyday, and completely beautiful. Dean opened the very large and shiny black passenger door for her. He had an unexpected side too. Guys this tough usually didn’t act so gentlemanly.

Her tiny bungalow wasn’t far, and the ride ended too soon for Y/N. Sticking to his chivalrous ways, Dean walked her to the front door. It almost felt like the end of a date, and she found herself wanting to kiss him. Snow started to fall, and she pulled her coat around her more tightly 

Y/N tilted her head up and one of the big fluffy flakes landed on her cheek. For a minute, she remembered how giddy the sight of snow had made her when she was a girl. It was still a symbol of beauty and hope for her. She saw the flakes start to collect in Dean’s hair. Without thinking, she reached up and brushed her fingers over his hair, but resisted the urge to run her fingers through it.  His eyes caught hers for a minute as the snow fell between them before he leaned down and kissed her with a touch as light as the snow that fell on her face.

She opened her eyes slowly. It was quiet with the kind of peace that only a snowfall can bring. The heat was radiating off his body. It warmed her, and she didn’t want to let that warmth,or him, go. “Do you want to come inside?” 

They both knew what that meant. Something had passed between them during that kiss. Dean licked his lips and seemed to be thinking. His eyes lingered on hers for a minute before he answered, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

As soon as they were inside, Y/N took off her coat and hung it up. Then she turned to Dean and started to push his jacket from his shoulders. “Let’s get you out of this.” She hung it on a peg next to her coat. When she turned back to him, he pulled her into a close embrace and kissed her with purpose. It was slow, deep, and doing everything he meant it to do. HIs tongue circled hers, and her arousal grew. If his kiss alone could do this to her, she was in for a memorable night. 

Dean’s hands made their way down her back until one stopped on her waist while the other snaked lower down to cup her ass and give it a light squeeze. She was starting to breathe heavier into his mouth. She pulled away from the kiss and took his hand. “Bedroom’s this way.”

The rooms in her house were tiny, too tiny to accommodate big beds. Right now the coziness of her full size bed seemed perfect. Dean immediately began to strip off his layers of shirts. She watched his naked shoulders and back while he bent over to take off his boots. His body was toned and had just the right amount of muscle. Y/N imagined her fingernails digging into his back. 

She was dragged from her fantasy back to the glory of reality when Dean started to unbutton the black shirt she wore for bartending duties. Underneath that functional shirt she was wearing the kind of bra that makes a girl feel pretty, and the way Dean was looking at it made her feel more than that. His look told her just how much he desired her. 

He took off his jeans before he laid her down on the bed and turned his attention to her lace covered breasts. He laved at her nipples, sucking and kissing them through the fabric. He took one of her taut nubs between his teeth and pulled at it. She moaned beneath him. “Dean, please.” 

He slid further down her body, dragging his hands down her sides, kissing all the way down to her pants that were in the way of what she wanted. Dean removed that barrier, taking her panties off at the same time. He parted her thighs and settled between her legs. He made a long swipe with his tongue through her folds, stopping at her clit to lap at before settling his lips around it to suck.

The way he’d kissed her didn’t lie; he knew what to do with his mouth. She was whimpering and pleading with him for more. He pushed at her entrance with one finger, gently exploring. Then he added another and started scissoring them to open her up. She came on his mouth while he stroked her g spot with his fingers.

Her fingers were buried in his hair, and her fists were closed around handfuls of it. Dean whispered against her core, “You’re beautiful, sweetheart.” He kissed her inner thighs while she came down from her orgasm. 

When her breath evened out, she sat up; Dean rose up on his knees to face her. She reached behind her to unhook her bra and let it fall. Then she reached for the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs to push them down and release his erect cock to stand thick against his stomach. He finished taking them off while she fumbled to open her bedside drawer and get a condom. She handed it to him, he sheathed himself, then laid her back down on the bed, kissing her as they went. 

He buried his face into her neck and kissed that sensitive spot beneath her ear. She put her arms around him and whispered, “Now, Dean. I’m ready for you.”

He entered her with a smooth, swift motion. She inhaled sharply, and he pushed deeply inside her. She moved her body with his, feeling every drag of his cock over her sweet spot and push of it against her cervix. Just like she’d imagined, she dug her fingers into his back when she came and felt him throb inside her, coming just seconds after she did.

Dean said her name as he let go, and she clenched around him; her orgasm revived by his, by the pleasure she could hear she was giving him. They lay motionless for a sweet moment before Dean moved to take care of the condom. When he returned, easing the covers back and slipping into bed she asked him, “What are you doing?”

He motioned for her to get under the warm blankets with him. She settled in beside him, and he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m holding you.”

The snow was still falling outside, and she watched it fall through the window, not sure what to say. It was Dean who spoke again. “Is that okay? Do you want me to go?”

She let herself relax and lay her hand on his chest. “No, I don’t want you to go. I guess I just thought you would. That’s the way this usually goes.”

Dean kissed the top of her head. “Well, that’s not how it should go. You should be held, kissed some more, and told just how beautiful you are. A man would be crazy not to know how lucky he is to have a woman like you in his arms.”

Y/N got very quiet. She felt tears in her eyes, and for once they weren’t tears of sadness. She closed her eyes and just let herself feel what it was like to be so close to him and to hear a man say these kinds of things to her. She trusted him. She trusted what he was saying, and she trusted that this could be something that lasted beyond tonight. Was this even possible? Could it be possible that there was such a thing as a Christmas miracle? She had believed in them back when snow meant hope to her. Dean tightened his hold around her, making her feel secure, and she felt him kiss her forehead. Yes, they could be real.

Everything: @gambitwinchester​ @princessmisery666​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @peridottea91​ @logical-princey​ @emilyshurley​ @beenlovingromansincedayoneish​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @waywardbaby​ @atc74​ @ledzeppelinsbonzo​ @shaniquacynthia​ @mariekoukie6661​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @67-chevy-baby​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @terrarium-jpeg​ @emoryhemsworth​ @crashdevlin​ @heycasbutt​ @jules-1999​ @mrsdeannafuckingwinchester​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @sammyimpala-67​ @queenoftheunderdark​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @mrs-meghan-winchester​ @timelordy-fangirl2​ @sweetness47​ @hobby27​ @awesomesusiebstuff​ @kickingitwithkirk​ @becs-bunker​ @sandlee44​ @supernaturalgrandma​ @lonewolf471​ @sea040561​ @dawnie1988​ @maddiepants​ @volleyballer519​ @outcastedangel​ @kdfrqqg​ @lizette50​ @daisymoder72​ @sorenmarie87​ @oldfreakything​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ @deansotherotherblog​

Dean/Jensen: @deansyahtzee​ @flamencodiva​ @deanwinchesterswitch​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @sammit-janet​ @focusonspn​ @akshi8278​ @ladywinchester1967​ @sgarrett49​ @wingedcatninja​ @coffee-obsessed-writer​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @ellewritesfix05​ 

[jiejie-eonni-onee-sama]

THE BASTERDS’S ANGELS

Somewhere in a safe place in the French countryside, a group of armed men prepared themselves for the mission they were sent for: killing Nazis and sending fear through the ranks of the Wehrmacht based in France. 

And until now, they managed to accomplish their work, as the German soldiers only knew them as The Basterds. 

Led by Lieutenant Aldo Raine, those volunteers took pleasure in killing and terrifying their foes, as many of the Basterds were Jewish. 

Looking at his men, Aldo smirked: he could not wait to hunt down new Nazis. 

"I know that look. Looking for new scalps, darling?"

Smiling, he turned and saw the woman he cherished the most. 

"You know me too well, honey."

"That's why we're husband and wife!"

"Ya damn right, Winona."

The woman named Winona was, indeed, Aldo's wife. Born in the Cherokee tribe, this woman was the embodiment of the Native American female warrior: athletic, wise, loyal, and brave.

Moreover, she was the only woman in this group. Some people would think that a woman had nothing to do in the U.S. Army.

But quoteth Donny, "She kills more nazis in one day than I kill in three days."

The Cherokee woman has already won the respect of her peers since the first day in France. Besides, she gained a gruesome reputation among the Nazis based in France. They called her "The Cherokee Amazon."

The Apache and the Cherokee: a match made in heaven who took their enemies in hell...

Aldo put his arm around her shoulders:

"Can ya believe it, honey? You and I, in France, killing fascists... How pleasant it is!"

"I agree."

"It's like our honeymoon!"

Winona laughed at this statement.

"Well, a very blood-thirsty honeymoon. But honestly, I would never imagine killing Nazis without you, Aldo!"

"Aw, sweetie! Ya know how to talk to me!" he grinned before kissing her.

A sweet moment interrupted by the booming voice of Donny Donowitz, aka "The Bear Jew."

"Aw, look at those lovebirds!"

"Damn ya, Donny! I was enjoying this moment!"

"We have noticed!" smirked Wicki.

Raine rolled his eyes but smirked. His men are the best among the best, especially when it comes to killing Nazis.

They all came from different backgrounds, had various faiths, but for sure, they were more than ready to wipe out the Third Reich. 

Of course, among his men, there was Donny Donowitz, a sturdy chap from Boston and the other leader of the group. This man gained the nickname of "Bear Jew" after he bashed the skull of dozens of Nazis with his prized baseball bat.

Then, you have Wilhelm Wicki, who fled his native Austria after the Anchlüss. Probably one of the oldest members of this group, his remarkable marksmanship made him a feared sniper.

Sitting next to Wicki was Hugo Stiglitz, a former German soldier. He hated the regime to the core, and he managed to kill 13 Gestapo officers. The Basterds get him out of his jail, and now, Hugo became one of them. More silent than some of his teammates, he easily scared people around him.

Near them, a young man was quietly reading a book, enjoying this peaceful moment. This young man was Smithson Utivich, another Jewish-American soldier. Like his friends, he enrolled in this group to save the remaining European Jews from Nazism's clutches. Even if he was not the most impressive, he excelled at killing Nazis.

The one next to Utivich, who was taking a small rest, was Omar Ulmer, his best friend. A remarkable soldier, Private Ulmer often works along with Smithson and Donny during his missions. Fast and efficient, the Nazis did not stand a chance against him. 

Not far from Omar, his friend Gerold Hirschberg was laughing with his comrades. Hirschberg was considered a loyal and cheerful friend by his fellow Basterds. However, his hot-tempered character made him the official trouble seeker of the group, as he often found himself in danger.

The other man talking with Hirshcberg was named Michael Zimmermann. He has the two roles of driver and explosives expert. The Germans muttered that he was a crazy man who escaped from an asylum. But the truth was that Michael only became mad when he saw a swastika. But for the Basterds, he was a pleasant companion and a joyful friend.

Sitting at his right, his best friend named Simon Sakowitz was tidying his medical stuff. Before the war, he was a brilliant medicine student, but he decided to put his studies on hiatus to enroll in the army. Simon was a skilled and efficient doctor in his group and also an appreciated friend.

Smoking a cigarette, Andy Kagan smirked while looking at his teammates. The young Mister Kagan came from a wealthy family and started a promising acting career in Hollywood until he decided to rescue his people in Europe. He was the spy of the group, a master of manipulation and charm. 

Leaning against a tree, Archie Hicox looked at his allies with a mixture of puzzlement and amusement. This British officer was the last addition to the group. In the beginning, the MI5 spy did not get along with the Basterds, as he saw them as a bunch of crazy rednecks while the others considered him as a snobbish man. But the more they worked together, the most they trusted each other, and mutual respect started to settle between them.

All those men were here in France for one reason: killing Nazis.

Something they excelled, as they did earlier, as they exterminated an entire patrol an hour ago.

Now, they enjoyed a moment of calm to relax before reaching another town. 

Suddenly, Aldo gently stroke Winona's cheek and said:

"Get ready, my lady. We're gonna move!"

"At your orders, Mr. Raine!" smirked the woman as she started to pick up her belongings.

Smiling, the Lieutenant turned to his men and exclaimed:

"Get up, boys! We move!"

"Uh? What? What's going? Are we attacked?" asked Omar, startled.

"Nah, Omar. The Lieutenant just said we're moving. Get up now!" explained Donny.

"Where are we going?" asked Simon.

"Probably somewhere near Fontainebleau. At least, we have to get closer to Paris," replied Utivich.

"Exactly, Smitty! I hope I will have time to pay my debt off once we got there!" sighed Zimmermann as he finished packing up his stuff.

As he picked his backpack, Hirschberg noticed Hugo, who trimmed his knife in his bag. Smirking, the young Basterd came nearer to his comrade. A little game that Andy and Wicki had noticed.

"Oh my Lord! Here we go again! Will Hirschberg never learn his lessons?" sighed the Austrian.

"I wonder how it will end this time: will Hirschberg have a kicked butt or a broken nose?" smirked the American.

Meanwhile, Gerold was close to Hugo and said with an authoritative tone:

"C'mon, Stiglitz! Hurry up! We have to go!"

The German deserter turned and glared at his teammate:

"Lass mich in Ruhe, Hirschberg."  (Leave me alone, Hirschberg).

"Why do I fear the worst?" sighed Simon as he pinched the bridge of the nose.

He counted how many times he healed the bruises on Hirschberg after the latter tried to pick up on someone stronger than him.

At the same time, Hirschberg teased Hugo while the latter tried to contain his anger. But his patience was running thin... 

"Ich werde es dir nicht zwei mal sagen." (I won't tell you twice).

"Aw, come on! Don't look at me like that! I am trying to tell you that you're a bit slow!"

"Stop that, Gerold! You're going to regret it!" smirked Andy.

Indeed, Hugo was pissed off by Gerold. Fuming, he took his knife and put it on Hirschberg's throat.

"Leave me alone. Now!" growled the German man.

Gulping, the young Basterd raised his hands in defeat.

"O-OK, Stiglitz. I stop. Can you lower your knife, please?"

Growling, Hugo put his knife back in his vest while Gerold ran away.

"We told you that you're going to have trouble, Geri!" snickered Michael.

As for Wicki, he turned to Hugo and asked:

"War es notwendig, Hirschberg einen Schrecken einzujagen, Hugo?" (Was it necessary to scare Hirschberg, Hugo?)

"Er ist eine Nervensäge." (He is a pain in the ass.) snarled Hugo as he walked towards Donny and Omar.

Wilhelm rolled his eyes and muttered:

"Ich schwöre bei Gott, die würden mich wahnsinnig machen!" (I swear to God, they would drive me crazy!)

"C'MON, BOYS! WE HAVE A LONG ROAD!" yelled Aldo as he led the march along with Winona.

Soon, all the commando started their long road across the French countryside. Unbeknownst to them, they were about to make an encounter that would change their lives for a long time...

Meanwhile, Maddie and Ada wandered through the forest, looking for shelter.

A little earlier, they had almost been spotted by a German patrol, which had scared them.

Now, their priority was to find a safe place while they waited for help.

As they walked through the woods, Maddie saw a cave:

"Look, aunty! A shelter!"

"Well done, Maddie! Let's go!"

They rushed to the hiding place and checked that nothing was inside.

Once assured that they were alone, Ada ordered her niece:

"Listen to me, Maddie: you're going to stay here and make no noise, okay?"

"What about you? What are you going to do?" asked the little girl.

"I'll try to find something to eat. Keep quiet, do you understand?"

Maddie nodded. Smiling, Ada stroked her head:

"I'll be back soon, I promise!"

Then, she walked away while Maddie hid behind a rock.

The young girl hated being alone. Of course, she knew that it was necessary. But the truth was that she was scared.

She was afraid to be alone, at the mercy of the Germans. After all, what could a seven-year-old girl do when faced with armed soldiers?

And then, who knew what could happen to her aunt?

Well, the little girl knew that Ada was capable of defending herself. But if anything happened to her, she would not be able to survive.

Suddenly, she heard voices and footsteps approaching the cave. Covering her mouth and trying to be as hidden as possible, Maddie tried to figure out who had just arrived.

She kept her ears open and listened to the conversation:

"Great, guys! We can stop here!"

"Finally, it's about time! We must have been walking for hours, and my legs are killing me!"

"Stop complaining, Gerold!"

"Oh no! You're not going to start bickering again!"

Maddie was intrigued: these people seemed to be speaking in English. Well, at least she wasn't dealing with Nazis, which was good news.

But what were these people doing here?

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear anyone enter the cave until a man's voice asked:

"What on earth are you doing here?"

Horrified, she looked up and saw a medium-sized man staring at her with a surprised look.

As for Omar, he did not expect to find a child alone in a place like this.

He called his boss:

"Lieutenant, come and see!"

"What?" asked Aldo, who arrived in his turn and saw the little girl.

"Look at that! It's quite funny!"

"What's going on?" asked Wicki.

For all answers, the two men came out of the cave, escorting Maddie. The little girl was looking at the rest of the group with a frightened look.

"It seems that our hideout already had an occupant!" declared Hicox.

"But who's crazy enough to leave a kid all alone in the wild?" exclaimed Michael.

"I don't know," muttered Andy.

Simon, in his role as a doctor, walked over to the girl:

"I need to check her out. Who knows, maybe she needs treatment?"

"Do your job, doc!"

Sakowitz kneeled in front of Maddie and asked her:

"Do you speak English?"

She hesitantly replied with a small voice:

"Y-Yes, doctor!"

"Aw, ain't she cute?" smiled Donny.

"Low your voice, Don. She is scared!" said Winona while looking at the young girl.

Meanwhile, Simon carefully examined Maddie. He realized that she might suffer from malnutrition.

"Oh God, look how thin she is!"

He turned to Aldo.

"Lieutenant, do we have some food to give her?"

"For sure! Omar, gimme some bread, would ya?"

"Right now, sir!" replied Ulmer as he threw a piece of bread.

Raine caught it and handed the bread to Maddie.

"Here, ya can have some!"

Hesitantly, the little girl took the bread and muttered:

"Thank you!"

"Cute and polite: you must be a lovely little person!" smirked Archie.

Maddie took a bite and ate slowly, enjoying the taste of the bread.

"Poor little thing! She must not have eaten for days!" declared Wicki.

Winona came nearer and asked:

"What's your name, little one?"

Once she finished her mouthful, the little girl replied:

"Maddie Mandelbaum!"

"Okay, Maddie. Now, tell me: what are you doing here, all alone?"

Looking around, Maddie replied:

"It's because I flee!"

"What do you flee?"

For an answer, Maddie picked her necklace and showed a silver Star of David.

That's all it took for the Basterds to understand what Maddie was trying to escape.

"I see... You're a Jew, right?"

The little girl nodded.

"I see... But what are you doing by yourself?"

"I'm not alone: my auntie went to get food."

"Well, okay. And what's your auntie's name?" asked Smithson.

A female voice answered:

"Why don't you ask me?"

Everyone turned to Ada, who was holding a bag over her shoulder.

The young woman looked suspiciously at this troop. Even though they were not wearing Wehrmacht uniforms, she did not want to take the risk of crossing paths with Gestapo soldiers.

"Well, I guess you're the famous aunt?" asked Omar.

"Indeed. I am Adela Mandelbaum. And you?"

"We are American... with a German deserter, an American-Austrian soldier, and a British officer," replied Andy.

Sighing with relief, Ada put down her bag.

"At least there's some good news in this mess!"

Maddie rushed to her aunt and said:

"Ce sont des gens bien, tata. Ils m’ont donné du pain!"  (They're good people, Auntie. They gave me bread!)

Aldo walked over to Ada and introduced himself:

"Lieutenant Aldo Raine, nice to meet ya. So like this, you're the one who manages survival?"

"Yes, indeed."

"I see. And how long have ya been alone?"

"I don't know. I'm more concerned about escaping the Germans than counting the days."

Aldo nodded before replying:

"And I suppose you're hiding because you're Jewish, Imma right?"

Ada sighed.

"Exactly."

Donny spoke up:

"Lieutenant, we can't leave them alone. They'll get caught by the Krauts!"

"But they're civilians: we can't afford to have potential targets with us!" grumbled Hirschberg.

Hugo glared at him:

"Put yourself in the kid's shoes: would you like to be left at the mercy of those sickos? I don't think so."

Simon added:

"Besides, if they stay with us, they'll be safe. What do you think, Lieutenant?"

Raine massaged the back of his neck, doubtful.

"It's true that having two civilians with us can be a problem..."

He met his wife's gaze as she stared at him pleadingly. And if there was one person who could make Aldo Raine give in, it was Winona.

He sketched a smile:

"But as ya seem to me two brave women, it seems logical to me that ya stay with us!

This decision was greeted with enthusiasm by the rest of the team.

"I thank you for your help."

"No worries. After all, several of my guys are Jewish."

The young woman asked:

"Before I forget, Lieutenant Raine..."

"Yes, Miss?"

"What is your mission here?"

At these moments, she saw all the Basterds sketch a toothy grin. And the Lieutenant's answer did not hide their intentions:

"We parachuted into France for one mission and one mission only: to kill Nazis!"

Hugo asked:

"Doesn't that cause you problems?"

At these words, he saw a gleam in Ada's eye that he knew all too well. He could see the sorrow and hatred for the Nazis in her brown orbs.

And the determined tone of her voice confirmed his impression:

"On the contrary, it pleases me to hear that my people are being avenged. Hitler's foot soldiers stole my life and threatened my niece. I lost my family, and I don't know if they are alive or if those Gestapo goons shot them!"

She turned to Aldo and declared:

"Lieutenant, I know I look like a simple damsel in distress, but I want revenge. I want to make them pay for the evil they've done."

Impressed by this sudden determination, Aldo asked:

"What can ya do?"

"I'm an excellent shot, and I can fight."

"That's not so ladylike, coming from a young woman!"

Ada smiled:

"Who said I was ladylike?"

"My aunt is the best in the world... right after Mom!" pointed Maddie.

Aldo smirked and held out his hand.

"In that case, welcome to the team, Ada! Just so you know, if you join this commando, you owe me 100 Nazi scalps!"

Without hesitation, Ada grasped the outstretched hand and shook it in agreement.

"I will settle that debt, Lieutenant. And I will die trying if I have to!"

"That's what I like to hear!"

"But I want you to promise to look out for Maddie, no matter what!"

"PROMISED!" exclaimed the Basterds.

At that moment, Maddie's face lit up with an adorable smile that seemed to shine through the dim light of the Fontainebleau woods. Now she had nothing to fear from the Germans because now she had found guardian angels armed with guns and baseball bats. 

As for Ada, it was a new life for her that began. She was not a prey anymore. Now, she was the predator. 

The Germans better start running because she won't have mercy. And Ada Mandelbaum always kept her words... 

Thanks for the reading!

Stay tuned for the next chapter!

@sergeant-donny-donowitz​ @marilynmonroefanfics​ @velvet-waltz​ @ocfairygodmother​ @redrosewritingsstuff​ @empress-writes​ @jokersqueenofchaos​ (whom I thank for the German translation) @fandoms-are-my-friends-1321​ @knives-out17​ @multific​ @cherryplasmids​ @askthebasterds​ @nataschalena2​ 

[mikauzoran]

Marichat/Lila Fake-Dating/Emotional Blackmail: Betting Against the House: Chapter Six

Read it on AO3: Betting Against the House: Chapter Six: Fidelity

Marinette was so engrossed in her sewing project that Tikki had to inform her that Chat Noir was tapping on her skylight.

“What?” She looked up with a jerk, her stitch going crooked as her hands accidentally moved the material.

“Chat Noir’s here,” Tikki repeated, glancing back up towards the skylight. “Or, he might have just left. I don’t hear him knocking anymore.”

Marinette swore under her breath as she pushed herself up out of the chair and sprang into action, ascending the ladder up to her loft at double her normal speed. She didn’t see him at the window, so she pushed it open and pulled herself up onto her balcony.

He turned around from where he’d been leaning on the balcony railing, taking her in with soft eyes she was more used to seeing as Ladybug.

“Uh…hey,” he greeted, raising a hand tentatively.

“Hey.” She blinked, eyes going to the rose in his other hand. “Is that…?”

She pointed.

He followed her gaze, looking down at his own hand in surprise. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”

He lifted the rose, holding it out to her as he timidly advanced. “I think you dropped this—I mean, I know you dropped it. I saw you drop it, but… Did you want it back?”

A cloudy expression set into her face as she stepped forward to take the rose and then stared at it thoughtfully.

It didn’t look like her thoughts were positive ones.

“You don’t have to take it back,” he hurriedly added. “I’ll keep it if you don’t want—”

With a jolt like one suddenly waking in the middle of a dream, Marinette’s gaze whipped around to her right, and she began searching the streets below.

“…Uh… If you’re looking for Adrien Agreste, he’s gone,” Chat informed gently, not all together sure that she was even looking for him in the first place.

Marinette looked back to him in surprise. “He is?”

Chat nodded. “I kind of saw the…er…little scene…between you and him. I was here to see you, and I just happened to catch…whatever that was. Sorry.”

She held up her hands and waved them, seeming to come back fully to the present moment and out of her thoughts. “No, it’s okay. It was…” She winced, biting her lip. “It was nothing. Um… Did you want to come in?”

“May I?” He took a hesitant step forward. “I don’t want to bother you. I heard…” His brow furrowed, and he lowered his voice. “I heard a couple things. Are you feeling okay? I heard you were sick.”

She averted her gaze, her cheeks colouring slightly. “Thanks. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m not actually sick. I just…I kind of feel like crap. I probably look like crap,” she laughed ruefully, glancing down at her sweatpants and baggy t-shirt and touching her hair self-consciously.

“You look cute,” he chuckled. “I dig the messy bun.”

She cracked up at that. “Thanks, but it got that way by accident rather than design. It was a fully-functional, respectable-looking bun earlier before I rolled around and pulled on my hair in grief and messed it up.”

He clicked his tongue, waving away her protests. “You’re rocking it, Princess. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”

Her lips settled into a soft smile, and she motioned for him to follow her down into her room. “Come in, Minou. I could use a friendly face. For some reason, today, it feels like everyone’s against me.”

“I promise they’re not really,” he attempted to comfort her as they made their way down into her attic bedroom.

She hummed ambivalently, dropping the rose off at her desk before taking a seat on her chaise and gesturing for him to sit at her feet. “Can I play with your hair? Please?”

“Yeah, sure,” he replied, hoping he didn’t sound too eager as he sat between her knees, his back to her.

They sat in silence for a good minute or two, Marinette running her fingers through his hair to comb it and then separating little strands into sections to braid, before she finally spoke up, mumbling, “…Today kind of sucked.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered a little more balefully than made sense since she didn’t know that he was the chief cause of her strife. “Did you feel like talking about it?”

“No. I mean, yeah, but…” She pursed her lips, shaking her head. “It’s complicated.”

He waited a beat, debating before remarking offhandedly, as if he had no personal stake in the matter, “…I hear that Adrien Agreste is persona non grata around here. Apparently he’s dating that awful Lila girl?”

“Lila freaking Rossi,” Marinette hissed. “I don’t know what the heck is the matter with him. How can he just…? She is worse than awful, Chat Noir. She’s a bully and a liar and—ugh. I don’t even,” she growled. “How can he even stand to let her touch him? He knows what she’s like, and still he…he…” Marinette petered out with another “Ugh!” of frustration.

Chat swallowed hard, guilt wrapping its fingers around his heart and squeezing painfully. “Maybe…Maybe there’s some piece to the puzzle that you’re missing,” he suggested cautiously. “Maybe he has a good reason. Maybe he doesn’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” she pouted sullenly, her temper cooling somewhat. “He could stand up for himself and say no for once. He’s always been like this, Chat Noir. He never wants to cause trouble, and he always avoids confrontation. He’s spineless.”

Chat winced, feeling the jab slide clean between his ribs and puncture a lung.

“He just appeases everyone and lets them walk all over him. It makes me sick sometimes to watch him cave without a word. I don’t know what I ever saw in him, and I don’t know why I put my faith in him,” she muttered bitterly.

“Maybe it’s more complicated than you think,” he offered in a flimsy attempt at self-defence. “I’m sorry he let you down, Marinette. You’re totally within your rights to be angry, but you can’t know what’s going on inside his head. Maybe he has a good reason, and you’ll feel bad later for being so harsh on him.”

“Yeah, maybe.” She blew out a long sigh, dropping her arms from his hair to loosely hang around his neck and resting her head on top of his. “I’m just really hurting right now, Chaton. He was the one person I thought I could count on in my struggle with Lila, so I’m feeling utterly betrayed,” she whimpered. “It’s hard to give him the benefit of the doubt when I can’t imagine any circumstance that would compel him to date her.”

Chat closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe through the aching pain in his chest. It killed him to sit there useless while she was hurting—while he was hurting her. But he couldn’t explain himself. She’d insist that he stop, and then what would have been the point of submitting to Lila’s ever-increasing demands over the years?

He had to see this through to the finish.

“I’m sorry, Princess,” he whispered helplessly. “I wish I could do something to make it better for you. Know that I would do anything to make it better.”

“Well,” she chuckled halfheartedly, trying to lighten the mood. “You could start by not trying to make me behave rationally and think about things from Adrien’s point of view. It would be easier if I could just demonize him and lash out at him with all of my righteous fury.”

“Sorry to take away your scapegoat,” he laughed weakly.

“Yeah,” she teased, giving his hair a little nuzzle. “Whose side are you on, anyway? Mine or his?”

He twisted around to face her, kneeling at her feet and gazing up at her earnestly. “Yours,” he stressed, desperate for her to believe him. “Yours. Always yours, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”

She blinked at him, taken aback by his vehemence.

Slowly, a warm, genuine smile danced across her lips, and she leaned in to brush a delicate kiss against his forehead. “Thank you.”

His heart nearly exploded as she pulled back and smiled down at him with a soft look that made him think that maybe he had a chance after all.

“Yeah. I mean, yeah. Anytime,” he replied dumbly, struggling to get his brain and his mouth to work in concert. “You’re welcome. Always.”

She laughed—a light, airy sound that made his heart soar—and it was obvious from the smug look on her face that she could tell how smitten he was.

He couldn’t bring himself to care. So what if she knew she had him at her mercy? He trusted her with his heart.

“Wanna play video games?” she inquired, breaking him out of his reverie.

He blinked at her, his brain still scrambled from the memory of her lips against his skin.

“If you have time,” she hastened to add, nerves flaring up at his lack of a response. “I mean, I know you’re busy what with saving Paris and regular life stuff, but…if you weren’t doing anything, I was supposed to be hanging out with my friends tonight, only that’s not happening because Adrien is a traitor, so if you wanted to hang out, play some Smash Brothers, have dinner with me and my family, snuggle on the couch and watch movies…? I could use the company,” she confessed.

“Yes to all of the above,” he replied enthusiastically, finally getting a handle on how his mouth functioned again.

Adrien was still floating on cloud nine when he returned home several hours later.

 Lila had pressured Adrien into agreeing to come up with a romantic surprise for her in response to Adrien’s claim that Nino had been consulting with Adrien about a surprise for Alya the previous day (since Adrien was, allegedly, so good at that kind of thing), and Adrien did not aim to disappoint.

He escorted Lila to her locker where she found beautiful orange lilies inside.

“Oh, Adrien!” Lila squealed, leaping into his arms and giving his cheek a joyful kiss. “They’re beautiful!”

He couldn’t tell if she were just putting on a show or if she were genuinely pleased with the gift.

She was certainly satisfied with the response of the other students as they cooed and raved about how sweet Adrien was, what a cute couple he and Lila made.

Marinette stood apart from the others, looking on in a mix of resentment and pensiveness.

Adrien wondered if she knew anything about the meanings of flowers. If so, she might know that orange lilies were not a nice gift. Perhaps she was wondering if Adrien knew the implications of the flowers he had given his girlfriend.

She caught him gazing at her and turned away, going to her own locker. Once there, she gave a start, a soft gasp escaping her lips when she spotted the sunflowers, tucked inside and waiting for her with a little note attached.

Adrien’s heartbeat quickened a little at the pleased smile gracing her lips and the rosy blush rising in her cheeks.

Alya was the first to notice Marinette’s surprise and draw the attention of the others.

“What’s this, Girl? A secret admirer?” she trilled excitedly.

“Alya, don’t—” barely made it past Marinette’s lips as Alya swiped the card and read aloud, “‘For my Princess. I hope these sunflowers brighten your day, even though they’re not half as radiant as you are. Much love from your not-so-secret admirer.’”

The girls chattered excitedly all at once, completely forgetting about Lila to join in the speculation about Marinette’s mystery boy.

Lila turned a venomous glare on Adrien, hissing dangerously under her breath, “Your ‘Princess’, is she? You did this on purpose to upstage me, didn’t you?”

Adrien frowned, leveraging all of his acting skills to feign wounded innocence. “Hey, I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that. Those flowers aren’t from me.”

Lila’s eyes narrowed, scanning him intently.

“He’s just a friend,” Marinette insisted over the din of her friends. “Just a close friend that I play video games online with. He’s a total flirt. He’s not even serious. He knows I had a rough day yesterday, and he was just trying to cheer me up.”

The girls didn’t seem to buy Marinette’s story entirely, but her persistent denials seemed to mollify all but Alya.

“Oh, Honey. I think he’s serious, even if you’re not,” Alya hummed skeptically, pitying the poor boy who had fallen for her rather oblivious best friend.

The other girls joined in with sympathetic hums of their own.

Adrien turned to Lila. “I feel like you owe me an apology for your accusations of infidelity.”

“How about not?” Lila growled quietly, shoving her books roughly into Adrien’s arms as she continued to seethe over Marinette inadvertently stealing the spotlight.

 The week stretched on with, luckily, only a few minor incidents to mark it.

Marinette continued to hold a grudge against Adrien, but she was more than happy to spend her evenings with Chat Noir.

He was glad that he could help her feel less alone, even if it were just in some small way, and the time he passed with her was a balm for him too.

It was a relief, after dealing with Lila’s ever-increasingly ridiculous demands all day, to cuddle and watch Disney and Studio Ghibli movies with Marinette, to bake cookies together, to play niche video games, or just to sit in her room working on separating things but enjoying the other’s presence.

Nino kept giving Adrien worried glances, looking like he was this close to saying something several times a day.

It made Adrien sick with anxiety.

He shouldn’t have told Nino. It felt like he had the sword of Damocles hanging over his head and never knew when it would drop, when Nino would break his promise and try to tell everyone about Lila, ruining years’ worth of Adrien’s sacrifices and hard work to protect Marinette.

If Nino asked him if he were okay one more time, Adrien was going to cry.

All he could do was lie and say he was fine, all the while knowing that Nino knew he was lying.

“Just don’t say anything to anyone,” Adrien kept repeating, and Nino would nod, assuring, “Yeah. No. I won’t.”

But Adrien could see the way Nino tensed around Lila, how he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes whenever she invaded Adrien’s personal space or asked him to do things for her.

The week was rough and already wearing Adrien down by the end of it.

He felt sick with guilt over hurting Marinette and sick with fear about when Nino was going to crack and spill the beans. That wasn’t even taking into account the hell Lila was putting him through.

Lila was steadily getting worse. She was growing bolder with her public displays of affection to the point where Adrien was genuinely uncomfortable.

The casual touches and the expectation of cheek kisses had quickly crossed the line. More than anything, he was sick of the sensation of Lila clinging to him. The constant contact and her weight and her warmth made his skin crawl. He couldn’t wait for evening to come so his personal space could be his own again to share (or not share) as he saw fit.

Adrien had always been a little touch-starved, but, now, physical contact was something he found himself recoiling from, sometimes even with Marinette.

On the third day, Lila made Adrien move to the back of the class to sit with her, and it was torture to be separated from his friends. Classes had been a brief reprieve from Lila’s presence, an oasis where he didn’t have to think about her for hours at a time, but, now, even that solace was stolen from him.

He missed passing notes with Nino and the little sweets his best friend would often share.

Adrien had considered it a victory when, the previous year, he’d convinced his father to allow him to eat lunch at school with his friends. Now, he found himself wishing he could go home for lunch again because Lila had gotten it into her head that she needed to sit on Adrien’s lap and that they needed to feed one another to show what a lovey-dovey couple they were.

Adrien was quickly finding that he had little appetite during the day. He scarfed down leftover baked goods from Tom and Sabine’s as well as whatever the Dupain-Chengs had for dinner in the evenings when he visited Marinette, but he couldn’t keep much down during the day.

The smell of Lila’s cloyingly sweet floral perfume made him feel nauseated.

He wasn’t sure how much more he could take, but he was certain that something had to give, and soon.

He was afraid it was going to be him.

Adrien was at his breaking point, so maybe that’s why, when Ladybug asked what was wrong that Sunday on patrol, he gave in so easily and spilled his guts to her.

[fandom-space-princess]

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tagged by @sinaesthete - thanks boo 💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

18. Somehow. I only started posting them in January, which means I've been averaging more than 2 per month?! Granted, most of them are one-shots, but still. Bonkers.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

79,889. I have contributed one novel's worth of questionable fandom content to the greater ecosystem. Joy unbounded.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

The only fics I've published where anyone else could see them (or finished, for that matter) are for Supernatural. Others exist. I may even dredge them out into the light one day. Especially the Dragon Age ones, when DA4 comes out and inflicts some inevitable violence upon my poor little heart.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In descending order:

- Wayward Family: (T, 31589 words/26 chapters) Sitcomnatural, aka Seven Fools In A Bunker AU. Stream-of-consciousness first drafts from the beginning of the year, when I was starting to catch up on the show again after having dipped out sometime around season 6-7ish originally. I honestly expected zero readership for this, and was pleasantly surprised that so many people responded so well to it. Because I was definitely still knocking the dust off my writing skills at that point, lol. Maybe one day I'll go back to it and make it better - there's definitely stuff I'd do differently next time around.

- Some Live Like Orpheus: (T, 6193 words/1 chapter) Adam rescues Michael from the Empty, featuring Adam as Orpheus and Michael as Eurydice, with special appearances from Jack and the Shadow. The first thing I wrote that I was really, genuinely pleased with myself over.

- Vox Celeste: (E, 1909 words/1 chapter) Midam smut. PWP, in fact. Lyrical, pretty smut (or at least, that's what I was going for), but all the same.

- The First Day of the Rest of Your Afterlife: (T, 4558 words/1 chapter) Sequel to 'Orpheus'. Michael and Adam having their happily-ever-after together. This might be the most utterly self-indulgent fluff I have written. I love it.

- Two Weddings and an Engagement: (T, 7812 words/1 chapter) Written for the tumblr Midam wedding day. The Love Is Requited, They're Just Idiots - truly the most trope of all time. Featuring background sabrileena, because I am a joyful polyamorous disaster bisexual and I think they should all get to be, too.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Uh. To my great shame, I mostly don't. I always want to - the fact that people take time to comment on my writing is not lost on me as an act of love involving effort, and I can't express how much it means to me. I read and cherish every single comment I get. But interacting on AO3 takes a lot of spoons for me for some reason - and usually I just. Don't have it in me.

I'm working on it.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't write much angst, because I am first and foremost a cinnamon roll in need of fluff and comfort. But it does happen occasionally. I think the angstiest fic is Reliquary - more of a ficlet, really, since it's only about 600 words. But they're 600 words of Major Character Death, and I made myself cry writing it, so probably that one.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah. Not really my jam.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No direct hate! The closest I've gotten was someone getting rude about characterization, which was more funny than anything else. What a strange thing to pick a fight over.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Quite happily, yes. I find physical intimacy to be very fulfilling, personally, and writing about my characters having those experiences themselves is fun.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge...?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not. I kind of suspect I'd be a nightmare to co-write anything with. My writing brain works when it wants to work, not when I want it to work necessarily. And I have no way of predicting when that will be.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I have a terrible time choosing favorites of anything, so I aggressively multiship. That said, in spn? Michael/Adam. Very closely followed by (exclusively S5 & earlier) Lucifer/Sam.

Outside of Supernatural, it's kind of a tossup. Probably the DA2 OT5 polycule (Hawke/Anders/Fenris/Isabela/Merrill). I'm aware this is a ship for insane people; I will not be accepting criticism at this time 💀

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

As of now, I actually plan to finish all my current WIPs! Pyrphoros was in very real danger of ending up in WIP purgatory for a while, but fortunately or unfortunately for everyone involved, Sin read the first chapter and gave me a pile of compliments. So now I am honor-bound to finish it (<creature brain> Friend liked fic must write more fic must please the Friend </creature brain>). It's getting worked on, bit by bit around my other projects, but still. It's happening.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm decent at getting emotions across? I'm also good at vivid visualization - in my head, I can usually see very clearly what I'm trying to describe, and I feel like that's helpful in getting it down effectively. Beyond that, I'm honestly not sure what you'd call my strengths.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have close to zero control over when I'll have both time and motivation to write. Some of that is just the reality of balancing a more-than-full-time job with my hobby. Some of it is the executive dysfunction. But it does mean that when I'll finish anything can be... unpredictable.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I can't do it, and I don't love reading it. If I have to go looking for a translation somewhere in the notes, it wrecks my immersion in the story. No shade to people who do enjoy it; languages are gorgeous, and translations are imperfect at the best of times. Often the language something is written in is inseparable from the tone and cultural context it is meant to convey. But if given the choice, I don't seek it out.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Like I said, Supernatural is the only fandom with anything published. I think the first fandom I ever actually created anything for was Buffy. (Is that cringe? Yes. But consider: I live free of the shackles of shame. I am cringe, and I am happy).

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably one of the mini Midam week ones from earlier this year. Tie between Radio Silence and Every Day's Most Quiet Need, both of which turned out much better than I expected.

Not tagging anybody this time because my brain is currently scrambled eggs, although if anyone wants to do this please consider yourself tagged and feel free!

[claudiasjeancregg]

cj, toby, and/or andy for the hcs meme

okay i’m doing cj tonight and then i’ll reblog this later with my andy and toby headcanons!! sorry i’m just… so so so tired. i did make an andy headcanon post a while ago, so here you go!

1. cj is bi!!! bi cj is pretty much my number one tww headcanon to no surprise to anyone who’s looked at my tumblr lmao. i just. she’s so in love with women it’s very obvious guys! and i’m a cj/toby diehard as well as one of cj/toby/andy’s only fans, so. god i don’t even know what to say just… think about cj, in dayton, losing the only person in her family she could be herself around and being too scared to tell anyone else. cj at a pride parade in california, the happiest she’d been since she was 13. cj meeting andy and toby, and every piece of her life falling into place.

2. cj’s mom died from breast cancer when she was pretty young, about 13. it’s heartbreaking, and miserable, and cj doesn’t smile for a month after. her dad was at a complete loss as to how to help her, since he was still dealing with it too. so for about half a year they co-existed in the same house, barely speaking. cj’s passion for politics and journalism eventually led her to come out of her shell more, about a year later, but she didn’t come back to the joyful person she was until college. part of that was the age she was at when she lost her mom, and part of that is how much she loved her and the insane loss that came when she died.

3. i always headcanoned that cj didn't want kids, not biological ones at least. NOT because of some unfeeling career-woman bullshit (she would be an AMAZING mom who are we kidding) but because she’s deathly scared of passing the breast cancer gene on to her kids. so her plan was always to adopt (with the ot3, they talked about kids a lot and andy always was the one who would carry them.) ugh i’m so emotional sorry

4. she definitely has anxiety, it starts in like 8th grade but gets significantly worse during the bartlet administration. this is compounded by her extremely self-destructive tendencies and refusal to take care of herself! the anxiety definitely goes hand in hand with the whole public perception stuff and how deeply it affects her, cj can't separate her self-worth from the way other people see her and it kills her in so many different ways.

5. cj like. actually has friends. obviously andy, i think they get lunch every week and fall in love and cj babysits the kids every so often and tries to get over the ache in her heart when they call her auntie cj instead of mama. but for actual friendship reasons, donna and carol are probably her closest girlfriends in the administration. donna and cj beocme a lot closer post-canon but during the administration, they hang out a lot and bitch about josh and toby. cj fels so, so bad about what she said to donna in no exit, and feels partially responsible for gaza. donna forgives her, of course. but that guilt doesn’t go away for a while. on a happier note, i think cj and carol were closer than we saw!! carol’s just the best and cj is the best and i love these women a lot.

thank you so much for the ask ily and them and this stupid genius show!!

[myheartisbro-ken]

you mentioned in a comment on a supercorp fic (i feel like a stalker, yikes) that you got in contact with darren doyle and he gave you some tips on using kryptahniuo, the sentence structure, the krius thing, etc.. would you mind sharing them? because i feel like i've sucked all available resources dry, and as a huge kryptonian nerd, i'd really appreciate it! (ofc, feel free to ignore me and pretend like this never existed if i'm intruding or unknowingly acting like a jerk.)

Okay, soooo, this is all from 3 years ago and I don’t have the best way to make myself clear when talking to people, but I’m gonna put here the things that are relevant and cut out my cringey communication. This is also for anyone who writes and would like to know a lil bit more about the language, or just people who enjoy conlangs. The vocab is over at kryptonian.info, but this is a clearer explanation of some things I had a bit of trouble with.

It’s pretty long though, so strap in.

Here we go:

Me: I was kind of having a hard time trying to figure out what the present form of zhao would be since it already ends with an 'o' and the present suffix is 'odh', I wanted to say 'I love you' with zhao , and on your page I could only find the ukiem sentence. Would it be zhaodh? And how would the full sentence be? What about shovuh, would it be shovuhodh?

Doyle: Sweet! I'm glad to help (I only wish the writers of the show would help instead of butchering the grammar ... and pronunciation)

Ok ... give me a moment to work on this...

Ok ... /zhao/ ... this doesn't end in /o/ (as in go) it ends in /ao/ (as in cow) which is a different vowel. Even if it did, though, you would still go ahead and use the /odh/ suffix. Two vowels in a row in Kryptonian is going to be super rare (pun intended), but in those cases Kryptonian phonetics will use a slight "w" sound to separate the vowels.

So ... it would be /zhaoodh/which would be 3 characters in Kryptonian writing: zh + ao + odhSo, your sentences would be: /zhaoodh (khuhp) w rraop/ and /shovuhodh (khuhp) w rraop/The subject is optional

Also, this is a sentence that would likely be gendered (familiar and/or intimate speech)

So, "I (female) love you (male)." would be: /zhaoodh (khap) w rrup/

BUT

Let's talk about informal speech, because the I love you stuff gets weird ...

zhao and shovuh are primarily nouns, but at some point they got codified as type 1 verbs (taking suffixes)... and grammatically (especially formal writing) type 1 is kind of the "proper" way to use them. But in day-to-day speech, these usually get treated as type 2 verbs (no suffix)

I should back pedal briefly and say that all this applies to /ukiem/ (familial love) ... and actually to /:jev/ (n. happiness, joy) with /:jevodh/ meaning essentially "like" or "enjoy"

So anyway, the informal variant ends up as something like /zhao w rrup/ (you would almost never use the subject with the type 2 forms of these words) Total side topic ... (hope I'm not overwhelming you here) ...

Since type 2 verbs mark tense with a vowel change, there is an interesting result with /zhao/ ... since the past and future versions end up being /zha/ and /zhi/ respectively which also just happen to be the words for "yes" and "no" which also act as augmentative and diminutive markers...

It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation as it's unclear if the "will love/did love" meanings gave rise to the "yes/no" meanings or if the existing "yes/no" words guided the vowel shift as /zhao/ went from noun > v1 > v2

Me: Okay, first, in the verb section of your page you say that not using a suffix creates the potential form of the verb, yet there is a prefix, kai, for potential, so if someone were to ask 'can you do...' say, 'can you speak/say this' would it need the prefix and then the present suffix, or just not use either. Like, would it be 'ta-kai-ehworodh rraop w [thing]' or 'ta-kai-ehwor' or just 'ta-ehwor' or is all of that completely dumb and I totally misunderstood everything? (I'm also not sure when I should and shouldn't use the hyphen) And the second is simpler, I guess: going by 'us-kah' as like a petname for your child, would the same apply to a parent, such as saying 'jeju-te' in sort of the same way kids say 'mommy' and not just expressing relationship. And could that apply to a person's name as well? Like, idk if that works in english, but say you have a nickname for someone and then you say 'that's MY [nickname]', (I do that for my aunt in portuguese, which is why I'm asking)

Doyle: Dang ... the "suffixless form of the verb forms the potential" is actually a holdover from an idea when I first started making the language that eventually got abandoned. Thought I removed references to it, but I missed that I guess.

Hyphens are just there to help show the morpheme breaks when explaining the language. If you are just writing Kryptonian, then you wouldn't use them at all.

so /?takaieworodh rraop ki kryptahniuo/ would be correct

Ok ... the "familial-possessive-honorifics" ...

They kind of act like an honirific (Mr., Mrs., Sir, Ma'am, Señor, Señorita, San, Sama etc.)

They attach using the proper noun punctuation...

So ... Kal-El => /kal,ehl/

Mr. Kal-El => /kal,ehl,jran/

(I'm not related it Kal-El)

Let me start over on that last one

I am talking to you about Mr. Kal-El, I would say ...

* (neither of us is related to him): /kal,ehl,jran/

* (I am related to him, but you aren't): /kal,ehl,te/

* (we are both related to him): /kal,ehl,kah/

* (I am not related to him, but you are): /kal,ehl,ni/

* (Neither of us is related to him, but we are talking about someone who is related to him and that relationship is pertinent to the conversation): /kal,ehl,cheh/

So in that sense, these are honorifics ... they are more formal, not less

so ... us,kah for a child probably wouldn't end up being a pet name

and it means "our" child ... so even less likely in that sense (us,te would be "my child")

and it uses the less intimate gender-neutral form

wait ... scratch that ... /us/ is masculine (derp derp)

so, a more likely candidate for a pet name for your child would probably be /us kir/ (little boy) or /is kir/ little girl

you could also do something clever like /krius/ or /kriis/ (that second word would be pronounced "kree-yees") ... borrowing the "bright" prefix and applying it to the child noun

For Kryptonians that wouldn't have as much of the meaning that an English speaker would assign to "bright" (smart, clever, etc), but more of a sense of "joyful", "pleasant", "you-light-up-the-room" kind of sense.

An English equivalent to /krius/ would be something like when you refer to someone as "my little ray of sunshine"

getting back to your actual question ...  

/jeju,te/ and /ukr,te/ would also be more formal. Kids (especially older kids) would be expected to use this form in public when addressing parents

but at home it would probably be just /jeju/ and /ukr/

for the very youngest kids, /jeje/ would be "mommy", and /uku/ (or even /kuku/) would be "daddy" ... but, unlike some dialects of English (especially in the Southern states), those variants wouldn't last very long as kids would be encouraged to use /jeju/ and /ukr/ as their speech developed

So ... ummm ... I'm not sure if I've answered your actual question ... if I have, I may have indicated the opposite... Kryptonians would remove the "my" on a petname ... does that sound right ... hmmm ... thinking about it

Shoot ... I guess I don't really know how to give you a solid answer on that one. Pet names can be funny things, I think ... because even in English I can see formal titles being absorbed as "cute" ... like having a little fluffy dog that you pick up and in a cutesy voice call "Sir Snuggles"

so ... armed with the info for "normal" speech/grammar ... pick whatever feels right to you!

Me: The first I wanted to ask is if 'Awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip' is correct for 'I'll never leave you'

And the second I tried to make it out, but the result looked weird so I was just very unsure about (while the other I'm a bit more confident about) so how would 'please don't leave me' be, cuz 'please don't' is a full prefix, right? so it'd be 'please don't' prefix + leave + present suffix and then the pronoun separately. By that logic it'd be 'sozhaoawuhkhodh khap' is that correct?

Now there's actually a third one that I don't even know where to begin (mostly because I didn't try too hard) but I wanted to know would you say the sentence 'she left me alone' or 'my mother left me alone'?

Doyle:

/.awuhkhu zhadif khap w rrip/ ... yep, that's correct!  

/sozhaoawuhkhodh khap/ ... yep, that's right too

or you might go with the future tense, especially if those two sentences are going together

/sozhaoawuhkhu khap/

actually ... whoops... /khap/ is the object of the sentence...

/sozhaoawuhkhu w khap/

Let's see for "she left me alone", I would use the malefactive and the past tense of "to go" (which I just realized wasn't in the dictionary - doh!).

So ... let's see... go+past-perf she w me mal.

hmmm... alone, though ...

cause/PST she be/PRS me w alone ki go/PST/PRG ... ?

/podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah ki rrosh/ (that last verb wouldn't take a suffix, derp) ... "She made me alone by going" ... hmmm...

You could always just use /podh zhehd nahn khap w chahvymah/ ... she cause me to be alone ... that's probably the closest to the English 

So that’s it, so much information that I thought it was actually a longer convo

[flxwinghair]

Cornered - A Harry Potter Fanfiction - [CHAPTER 1]

Summary:  Post-Deathly Hallows. After the War, Lucius Malfoy has to learn to pick up the pieces and push forward to a better tomorrow. ...Hopefully. But he might not like it.

Rating: T [PG-13]

Characters: Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, OCs

[Read underneath the READ MORE to see the fic]

A/N: Welp, here comes a VERY weird idea that sprung forth within my mind. I've been enjoying roleplaying Lucius lately, so I figured why not come up with a weird story too? First time trying this stuff!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Finally.

Things were settling down in the Wizarding World; a couple months after the nightmare that was the huge battle at Hogwarts. Voldemort was dead. It left many wizards very cheerful and thankful to be alive, finally being able to laugh and smile once again. At least most, anyways.

A vast majority of Death Eaters had managed to find themselves locked up in Azkaban—

Only a few select ones were left free to roam due to loopholes, or evading capture.

Lucius Malfoy happened to be one of them, but…. It was too silent hearing about anything from the Ministry of Magic, deciding his fate. He shivered, thinking they might just ship him back to Azkaban. He already knew they had a sharp eye on him; they had even told him before they let him go to properly heal from the Second Wizarding War.

He had almost felt self-hatred about how the Ministry took pity on him-

He did look downright awful for those last few months.

The last couple months he at least got to put some weight again, getting better sleep, and hell even the state of his hair was trucktons better.

It was the day.

Lucius nervously gulped, as he picked up the letter he had received the day before, re-reading it once more.

Dear Lucius Malfoy,

A representative will be visiting you today to observe your physical and mental state to determine whether or not the Ministry of Magic can proceed with specific details to you about further proceedings.

Sincerely, Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt

Sudden anger surged forth, and he tossed it across the room in a fury. Of course, it simply hit right back into his body, and he grumbled.

If it hadn't been for the Ministry tracking him wherever he went, he probably would have gone into hiding for some time until things would have cooled down. Of course, after telling his family.

…At least Voldemort was gone.

A shudder involuntarily went down his spine.

''My Lord!"

Lucius's voice penetrated the thick atmosphere within the crowd of Death Eaters, as Voldemort called to him. His heart jumped up into his throat. Now he could properly thank the Dark Lord for breaking them out—

He took careful steps forward, hopeful, but dreading what Voldemort could possibly want from him. Nevertheless, he still had his cold exterior covering himself as he stopped in front of the strange looking wizard.

"I—"

"Lucius.'' Voldemort's voice sounded full of disgust.

All his excitement from being free of that DREADFUL prison suddenly left him. He frowned. "Yes, my Lord?"

Voldemort didn't respond. He simply flicked his wand, and Lucius instantly knew something bad was going to happen-

"CRUCIO!"

What felt like pure, white, hot fire scorched underneath his skin. He could feel like his body twitch on the ground—by sheer pride he didn't start screaming in pain until a couple minutes into the intense experience. Some of the Death Eaters managed to be impressed—some were uncomfortable as well.

But it hammered the message home as always: Never disappoint the Dark Lord.

Voldemort finally lifted the Curse, laughing for a bit, then just settled for a smile. "Lucius! You've dared to hold on for a little while, didn't you?"

No answer, as Lucius felt shallow breathing going back to normal. Bloody hell... He couldn't even move.

"CRUCIO!"

This time, Lucius did immediately yell.

Voldemort looked triumphant, before cutting it out again. "Now, Lucius, why don't you speak this time?"

It took him a moment. "Y-Yes… my L-Lord…I… did…"

"Always so proud…" The joyful tone soon though shifted south. "Lucius, why did you fail me? You knew how important that mission had been."

"I-I…" He really didn't have a proper answer. "…don't know, my Lord…"

"That's not an answer, Lucius." Once again, Voldemort shot the Cruciatus Curse towards the other.

Once again, what felt like white, hot flame enveloped his body.

Voldemort flicked his wand again, after a longer period of time, casting it off.

Lucius struggled to come to, gasping for air. A few moments went by, and he forced himself to least sit up a bit. Bloody hell…

"Lucius… my Dear Lucius… I think you need more.. This will not do enough." He leaned down towards his follower, megalomania dancing in his eyes. The blonde unfortunately caught his eyes—a shiver went through him. "I think it's time to send you to the Carrows."

Present day, Lucius nearly jumped when he felt Narcissa gentle hand land on his left forearm; she was looking at him with deep concern in her eyes.

"Are you okay, honey?" She quietly asked.

"Y-Yeah…" The blonde said nervously, trying to pull himself together.

"You're sweating dear… The representative is here."

A dark chuckle erupted from him, as he tried to steady his form from shaking. SHIT. "R-Right…Tell them I'll…. I'll be right down." He struggled to say it.

She frowned, giving him a kiss on the cheek, though quickly retracted. Her husband didn't look so good. "Will you be okay to meet them?"

Lucius simply nodded, then brushed past her to get into the master bathroom in their bedroom. Once there, he made sure there was light, before he looked into the mirror.

Jeez.

Not as haunted as before, but… Average, at best.

He slid his eyes shut and let out a sigh. He WILL get through this. With that resolve in mind, the blonde quickly turned on some cold water. Splashing some onto his face, he felt relief.

He… really didn't feel the same way, still, even if Voldemort was dead.

He splashed more onto his face, keeping his hands there longer, before reaching for a fluffy towel off to his right. He wiped his face, feeling much better, just taking some time alone. Taking time to process.

Fucking Ministry.

They were only doing this because he had donated to the Wizarding World several times. That was it. Giving him time to heal, before sentencing him to something potentially worse. They didn't care, truly.

What was he going to do without his family?

What would he do without Narcissa?

The thought brought forth a brief sob—Ugh, he was NOT going to cry, especially right before a Ministry of Magic type of meeting!

He huffed, looking in the mirror, making sure his hair was alright. He smoothed down his robes, making sure they looked okay. He practiced a few smiles, cold looks in the mirror before feeling satisfied enough.

Hopefully his lawyer managed to pull something out of their ass.

He was ready as he ever could be.

With that, he set off to downstairs. His heart started to beat underneath his cool exterior, as his steps came further and further down, closer to his end. He blinked, stopping. Narcissa had been talking to the Representative, and they seemed to stop and look over to Lucius when they heard him nearing them.

The representative split a smile onto her face, looking crisply up towards Lucius. ''Ah… Hello Mr. Malfoy, won't you join us?"

This is it, dreadful thought playing in his mind.

{NEXT CHAPTER] [INDEX]

[mapleandgingeroatmeal]

CR2E76-Refjorged

HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE HAD EVERYTHING. WHERE DO I EVEN START?? This is gonna be a long one for sure.

The spontaneous Mead Pong game was so fun. I love how they all just went for that, and Caleb getting a perfect shot only when nobody was watching? Priceless.

They haven’t really done a heist w/ Caduceus. have they? Unless you count boarding that one ship, but I don’t think you can since that wasn’t a stealth thing. It’s weird, but that detail felt like almost a mark of how far the Nein have come already

I’m sure people have written a lot about this (I’d love meta recs if anyone has ‘em), but that makes me think about what may have changed about the m9′s path if Molly had stayed alive. Clay has been such a huge force in pushing the nein to do good in the world, and although he has plenty of his own issues, I think the fact that he believes in everyone’s ability to be good people has really had a huge impact. This may be a Hot Take, maybe I’ll regret this cause idk what Molly fans are like, but I really don’t think the group would have made nearly as much moral and emotional progress w out Caduceus. They would probably be at least a lot closer to crossing over that line into Bad People.

THE BREAD. This is another famous joke that I new existed, but had no context or knowledge for. I was so excited when I heard it come up! Caleb and polymorph is such a delightful combo. The dumb brain really lets him escape his misery I think, and he had such a gleeful face and relaxed posture for that whole scene.

“Last time we did this, you put a sword to my throat”. Whatta callback! Despite how much everything has changed, Fjord and Caleb still have this interesting intensity to their relationship. The moment when they start a mysterious blood ritual and Caleb’s accent confrontation come to mind. I hope we get more in the future about how these two interact in a more casual setting, tbh, because at this point I have a hard time pinning down their dynamic. The trust is definitely there now, and all the Nein obviously love each other, but in many ways it feels almost delicate? Like in the scene from this ep, I think both of them probably reflect on that day thinking they were in the right, even if they’ve moved on. Interesting stuff!

The reactions when Nott murdered that guard were so priceless. Little moments like that are kinda sobering reminders of how broken she is. Since probably the moment that Veth killed that Goblin leader with a vile of acid, she’s led a life that seems to have been very much kill-or-be-killed. Empire people aren’t taught to see Goblins as much more than kill-on-sight monsters, and in a self-defense situation Nott is so small that she would really have only one chance before getting overpowered. It’s upsetting and definitely bad, but I think it makes a lot of sense that her first instinct when panicked is to go for the throat.

Caduceus is truly such a dummy and I love him for it. The man knows two things: Death and People. Nothing else. Strategy? Never heard of her. High-stakes stealth mission with an important decision to make? “it’s always nice to see my friends :)”. 

Whats in the book they stole! We didn’t find out for the entire episode if I’m not mistaken! Caleb just gave to Fjord with some cryptic comments! Wtf kind of book isn’t useful/ interesting to Caleb? This is going to drive me insane.

The pack-rat elf lady wearing Reani’s crown finally was v sweet. She was a character that Matt seemed to hint at a lot of depth for. I wonder if we’ll ever get back to Uthadorn? I’d like to see her again

The dusts are also a bunch of npcs that I kinda wish we’d gotten more time with! The way that Matt had the whole family and their personalities mapped out makes me feel like there was a lot that didn’t get explored there. Clay has a tendency to minimize his own priorities and as much as it’s a neat character choice, I wish it didn’t mean that we see less of the neat stuff around his arc!

Fjord’s dream sequence had me tearing up. Matt’s writing is just so emotionally intelligent and deep. The specification that the Wild Mother can ease the pain but the wound will always be there? That hit me so goddamn hard. I love this character. 

If I think too much about what this sword-collecting arc means for Fjord I’m gonna start crying again. Here’s a guy that grew up unloved, with nobody that ever cared enough to give him anything. He was so recently convinced that the Nein only cared about him while he was useful. And what happens once he looses all utility to the group? They give him magic weapons, and circle around to protect him, and face down a fucking ancient white dragon, all just to get him a gift from the Wild Mother. What does that feel like to a man who’s never ever had a family before? Can he even really recognize the kind of devotion the m9 just displayed? I hope once he has a quiet moment he can do some reflection and appreciate how much he is just unconditionally supported now. I want him to understand that he is loved.

Beau and Reani! I did remember right! They are adorable and everyone’s reaction at the table was priceless. That moment had a neat meta-level feel to it w/ the addition of Mica as a guest character. I could tell she was feeling out if this was a role-play boundary or not, just like Reani was feeling out if Beau was interested. Beau going in for the kiss out of nowhere was also Marisha signaling “yes please bang my hot gay monk”. A perfect ending for a wonderful character!

Jester and Caduceus almost judgy convo was actually fascinating to me, because it kinda highlighted one of my favorite things about Beau in that she breaks the norms arounf sexualy agency that you usually see with female charecters. She’s an action movie protag, casually banging hot ladies and hiring sex workers, and she’s celebrated for it like you would celebrate that behavior in james bond! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a female character that does that before.

I could talk about Caleb and Nott’s conversation here for fucking hours, and I think I’m gonna actually do a whole separate post about it so this doesn’t get too long. Why is every interaction they have just the most poignant beautiful incredible moment ever committed to film?  What did the world do to deserve this? Nothing. We do not deserve them. 

Fjord getting his powers back and celebrating and the callback to Nott turning into a tiny Fjord and Eldritch Blaaaaaaayyyst returning and being wrapped up in seaweed and awkwardly objectified by Jester and Caduceus big goofy grin and all of it was such a joyful, hopeful note to end on! More than ever the Nein are feeling like a family, with all the wonderful messy things that entails, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I’m going to go watch Nott and Caleb and cry again.