#I’m actually so funny and sexy and it’s an alternative for always thinking during movies so

[in-your-walls]

I should start live blogging again

[i-watch-too-many-movies]

5 Favorite First Viewings of July 2021

Quick note: Hi everyone, I'm back, things have honestly been getting better for me, and I'm glad to be on this site full of cinephiles, people that are too horny, and cinephiles that are too horny. I'll be more active on here. But anyway, let's talk about some movies.

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970) (dir. Russ Meyer)

CW: Abortion mention

What a picture. What a gorgeous, sexy, horrifying slice of what Hollywood and star life can do to a bunch of bright-eyed young people looking for success. Also is a critique of how macho nature can ruin friendships and romantic relationships with total ease. I was obsessed with the scene transitions, like Pet pouring pancake mix onto a plate after the abortion scene, or Kelly singing after someone screams before their murder in the opening scene.

Great, campy flick with exceptional music too.

Deep Cover (1992) (dir. Bill Duke)

Laurence Fishburne plays Russell Stevens, a Cincinnati police officer who hopes to do well by the community, to make a difference. He’s traumatized by the death of his substance-abusing father, and wants to make sure that he can help the people of his own town. He goes undercover on assignment as a drug dealer, where his boss orders him to take down the kingpin. Stevens realizes the police’s own failings while on assignment. The racist abuse he takes from Agent Carver, and the realization that the police department is protecting drug kingpins like Gallegos and Barbossa. Giving drugs to Black kids and Latinx kids so there will be less of them. The cops are no different than the drug kingpins looking to make filthy amounts of money.

Fishburne’s performance is excellent, as Stevens feels he has to maintain a stone face so he doesn’t get caught by Jason or Barbossa or any of his cronies, but also he maintains a stone face to try and hide his emotion, his trauma. But when he gets pissed, Fishburne acts it beautifully, as is when he has to deliver a funny quip to counter Jason’s douchebaggery. And the production design, holy fuck, the sets and the lighting.

A perfect neo-noir for the HW Bush years, arguably one of the most timeless commentaries on the era, as well as the police as a whole.

Fast Five (2011) (dir. Justin Lin)

I was torn between including this or Furious 7, but I ultimately went with Fast Five because it felt like an important turning point in the series, it's a great heist film, and it reached the same chaotic highs and genuinely excellent filmmaking that I had been waiting for since 2 Fast and Tokyo Drift.

Fast Five opens where Fast & 4ious left off. Dom is hauled away to prison on a bus. Mia and Brian drive in their high-tech cars and knock the bus over, helping Dom escape. The title drops. Fast Five. It’s such an intense yet short action scene, and dropping the title immediately after it lets the viewer know that this movie is not fucking around. It’s arguably gonna be more intense and insane than the previous one.

And it is. The filmmakers made the decision to use a lot more practical stunt work for the film, and as a result, it leads to, so far, the best action in the entire series, since 2 Fast and Tokyo Drift. It’s not just how it’s shot or edited, it’s the geography of the locations, the rooftop chase echoes the rooftop chase of Jackie Chan’s masterwork Police Story, particularly the way each character bounces from top to top.

And of course, there’s the silliest moment in the movie, the one that matches the intensity and kineticism of a film like 2 Fast, which is driving the Reyes’ bank vault throughout the street, getting chased by corrupt cops.

I know we make fun of Vin Diesel for saying “family” all the time in these films, but there’s a reason we remember him saying all of these impassioned monologues. Because he’s unbelievably sincere, and has so much love in his heart for every single person in the room. Anytime he delivers a speech to any of them, it’s genuinely heartwarming.

This is the film that finally shows La Familia in their best environment, which is working together, in a movie genre that allows them to work together, which is a heist film. And a great one at that.

Last Days (2005) (dir. Gus Van Sant)

CW: Mention of suicide

Several films have been made about legendary rock artist Kurt Cobain, and for good reason. He is one of the most tragic figures in rock and roll. A tortured genius who has written and performed classic song after classic song with his band Nirvana. He was called the voice of a generation, and helped change the face of mainstream alternative rock music as we know it. But with that fame, and all of those expectations came a worsening depression and further drug abuse, and his eventual death. But most of the films about Kurt Cobain ask one question which gets under my skin way too much:

“Who REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY killed Kurt Cobain?”

It was him. He did. And it’s okay, I’m sad too. Thinking that Kurt Cobain was murdered is completely ignoring the depression that he faced. And despite Last Days being more inspired by the death of Cobain rather than actually about it, it feels much more honest than the conspiracy documentaries on his death, wanting to leech off of his dead body.

This is the last installment of Gus Van Sant’s “Death Trilogy”, the previous two installments being Gerry (2001), and Elephant (2003). While I have not seen Gerry, I have seen Elephant though, and love that film for its minimalist, raw nature, and its boldness for not romanticizing the school shooter or the lives they had taken. Last Days falls into that trap once, as I don’t agree with the shot of Blake’s soul climbing up a ladder, that always struck me as cheesy in a film that is anything but.

Last Days is similar to Elephant in terms of the way it is filmed. Its usage of long takes, and still shots of characters doing various things, such as Blake playing his guitar behind a drum set. The way these moments are shot is similar to a Chantal Akerman film, particularly Jeanne Dielman. Where the acts of the mundane are the stars of the film. Blake wanders around an empty house, and the viewer can feel the pain, not just through Michael Pitt’s acting, but from the house itself. Its decay, its paint peeling from the walls, from the soft glow of the lamp that lights his face.

I say this is the most honest film about Kurt Cobain, because, despite the characters technically being fictional (the main character who looks, walks, and acts like Cobain is named Blake), this film focuses on the mental state of a person before they eventually take their own life. They’re still working, still making music, still trying to talk to friends and bandmates, but the depression lingers on. Not once does this film try to make you believe that someone else killed him, because you can see the signs of his own suicide taking place just through the film’s excellent cinematography by Harris Savides, showing his mental state only growing worse through the production design.

And it’s empathetic with him. There’s no judgement for leaving rehab, there’s no finger-wagging at him or the people he was with, there’s just a silent prayer at the end of the film, hoping that he is in a better place than he was.

Sometimes you don’t need to show every event that led you to where you are, all you can show is the moment, which also makes this better than most biopics as well, as it never feels messy or muddled, just showing one moment of Blake/Kurt’s life.

I really loved this film, and I’ll be writing about it in full soon.

The Village (2004) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

The Cracked.com/Channel Awesome audience stuck in 2012 will tell you that this was the beginning of the end for Shyamalan. That this was when people stopped taking him seriously, that this was when he became more of a punchline because of his twist endings.

But why?

The Village was released in 2004, deep in the Bush administration, during the early stages of the Iraq War. The leaders of the time were talking about imaginary boogeymen, terrorists that would attack the civilians if they could. Because of 9/11, politicians could get away with these false ideas with the majority of Americans fully believing them. The boogeymen in The Village are “The People We Don’t Speak Of”, monsters attracted by the color red. Yet we find out that they are all costumes made by the Elders of the land, designed to prevent people from going outside the land. They rule by fear disguised as love. They’ve gone through their own traumas through the deaths of their family members, but they’ve decided to completely abandon the lives that they’ve had and have their children living lies.

9/11 impacted American life by teaching citizens to live primarily by fear, to not trust anyone but their own people. And yet, post-9/11, all that increased was not “coming together”, but hate crimes against South Asian people. The rage white Americans had felt led to conservative politicians pushing fear-mongering agendas, and said white Americans blindly accepted. The outside world was progressing, but too many people were fine with living with further conservative politics only regressing American life further and further back, all for the illusion of safety. Meanwhile, the only threats to them were not the brown citizens outside of America they were so afraid of, but the white elders, the white politicians.

The Village explores these fears so eloquently, all while having a terrifying atmosphere, an enchanting score, and brilliant sound design. I enjoyed this movie very much.

Other viewings I enjoyed:

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996) (dir. Mike Judge) (re-watch)

Blow Out (1981) (dir. Brian de Palma) (re-watch)

Clueless (1995) (dir. Amy Heckerling) (re-watch)

Furious 7 (2015) (dir. James Wan)

The Long Goodbye (1973) (dir. Robert Altman)

Lupin III: The First (2019) (dir. Takashi Yamazaki)

Unbreakable (2000) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan) (re-watch)

Velvet Goldmine (1998) (dir. Todd Haynes)

The Visit (2015) (dir. M. Night Shyamalan)

[sparkles-and-trash]

My fav 3 versions/interpretations of South Park characters thing!

I’m so sorry this took much longer than anticipated, I was gonna do it Friday but then I had a panic attack for the first time in forever because my CFS have been real bad lately and I was in such bad shape my BFF had to come and smack me back to life, and Sunday was suddenly full on breakdown day, a bad BPD episode and yeah, it was rough, but today I’m doing better and I realize nobody really cares about my personal issues lol but I just have a need to excuse myself here and I realize that’s kinda dumb but here we are ANYWAYS I hope these are okay, and that these are in no way the RIGHT interpretations, just my personal favorites! 

Kyle:

suggested by the wonderful  @otherluces <3

#1 

I’m not gonna lie, I love nerdy, preppy Kyle. Sweater-vests, collard shirts, doesn’t realize how attractive he is Kyle, oblivious to people having crushes on him Kyle, set on Harvard to become a lawyer and fight for justice and argue for a living, yanno? 

#2 

I also really like the more dorky and nerdy Kyle, where he has really niché interests that he gets totally invested in and talks about 24/7, loves reading and studying, but not just to get good results, but because he genuinly enjoys it.

#3

The last version I can think of with him, is the tall, lanky and kinda hard to read Kyle. He keeps a lot of his feelings to himself, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He plays basketball, he’s good at it too, and while he does well in school and everyone expects him to go into law, he has some totally different dream he keeps to himself for now. He kinda perks up a bit when in smaller crowds, esp with his cloest friends, but he still carries a lot of secrets that some time needs to come out.

Tweek:

suggested by my new fren  @soft-craig-and-tweek ^^

I like Tweek in so many ways these were hard to pick, but I’mma try to narrow it down a bit and not go totally off haha

#1

I actually quite enjoy the jagged, tired Tweek, the one who with help from friends and family manage to get off the meth his parents feed him secretly, but who still struggle with withdrawal, dark bags under his eyes, kinda pale and with sharp features, but he’s still a sweet and kind boy, a boy who wants to make the right choices and change the world to a better place, but who still has a darkness he carries, and the fact that he never gives up that fight is what makes him so special 

#2

and okay I have to be honest, I do love myself some sunshine boy Tweek. This Tweek still has issues, he is maybe even more anxious than the last one, but he’s also just as vibrant and energetic as he is anxious! He is an artist, he paints with bright colors, he composes beautiful, hopeful melodies, he feels everything so much,  and he is a contagious and exciting person to be around. Cannot dress for the life of him. So much mis-match and odd outfits, but it kinda works? 

#3

The last one I’m gonna mention for this wonderful boy, is the more alternative Tweek. He writes obscure poetry, he watches too many conspiracy theory videos on youtube, he draws the monsters in his mind, and he writes the scariest, most hauntingly beautiful stories on the internet, and people online love him. He has no idea how to deal with being popular in that sense, because irl he is the type to not belong to a certain friend group, but he does go along well with most people on a surface level. Dark circles, shaky hands, crooked and cute smiles, baggy t-shirts and ripped jeans. When he first opens up to someone, he really, really does, and he will always support and be there for you. If you deserve it, that is. 

Nichole: 

also suggested by  @soft-craig-and-tweek <3 

#1

I love nerdy Nichole who isn’t afraid to show it! Maybe she’s a streamer or youtube gamer even, I can def see her writing fanfiction, and being hella good at it too! Makes quite a name for herself online, and hangs out with the boys a lot irl, has game nights with the boys from Board Girls (even Cartman sometimes), is funny in a sarcastic way, but never mean. 

#2

Popular girl Nichole is also a favorite for me, but not in the “classical” sense. I imagine her to be a sporty, maybe on both the basket and volleyball team, captain for the basket one, she’s a born leader, she’s kind and fair, but can also be strict, and people always trust her to be honest and true.  

#3

Artsy Nichole!! I imagine her in bright yellow dresses and with her hair flowing and free, with flowers in her hair, freckles on her face, a big, genuine smile, a loud laughter that is so contagious, she loves spending time with Jimmy because they have a very similar humor, and she’s a theater kid, she sings like an angel and can act, oh boy can she act, she can make anyone laugh or cry in just a blink of an eye, she’s just a human sun-ray and I love her a lot 

Butters: 

suggested by @kinguidamundo, thank you so much!! 

#1

I love edgy Butters soooo much??? Like, he’s still a kind and bright boy, but he can also stand up for himself a lot more, he likes fashion a lot, he gets tattoos and piercings, he explores tons of ways to express himself, he’s a yes-dude, he goes out on dates a lot, but isn’t ready for a “real” relationship yet, but he enjoys meeting people and testing out himself around different types of people! Also he is a bi icon change my mind jk u can’t 

#2

I have a weak spot for the kind of soft and timid looking Butters too, who wears pastel colors and have big, innocent eyes, he is genuine and kind, but he carries something darker inside, something he isn’t sure how to deal with, something that scares him, but in reality it’s just normal feelings, anger, resentment and fear, but he’s lived his life ignoring them so much they catch him off guard at times. He learns to live with them slowly, and he does so with lots of help and patience from friends and loved ones. 

#3

Okay, last one, totally self-indulging here, but yeah, happy sunflower boy is also a big favorite. He is more confident than the previous version, but in a gullible way if that makes any sense? He believes the best in people, and if he is proven wrong, he’s willing to try to help them become better people, if they want to or not! This is honestly the version I love most with Stan, Butters being the ray of sunshine in Stan’s life and Stan being the realism to keep Butters grounded and them both supporting each other so much? Fuck yeah that’s the good stuff. 

Clyde:

suggested by @horrorpumpkin, ty sm friend! <3 

#1

Himbo Clyde!!! Jock dude who genuinely loves sports, he’s a team player, and while he might not be super intellectual, he is very socially smart, he is kind and empathic, he is funny and likable, he always tries his best to make everyone feel included, and while he loves chicks a lot, and is a sexual dude, he does it with nothing but respect and admiration for the ladies! 

#2

Bisexual disaster Clydeeee <3 obv being bi isn’t a personality trait, but he is very open about it, he wants to be confident and good at flirting, but goddamn is he a MESS! He’s also a huge supporter of every single relationship his friends is in, he loves love, in all shapes and forms, he is emotional and kind and awkward in an endearing way. 

#3

Can’t leave out crybaby Clyde, can we now? He’s a bit of an awkward bean as well, but he owns it a bit more. He is kinda like a puppy, a cute, excitable and emotional puppy who loves his friends, video games and lazy movie nights, kinda chubby, he loves baking and does it a lot with Tweek, he is also a huge nerd for Harry Potter and totally geek out over it with Kyle and Nichole sdhlksgdhl

Kenny: 

suggested by anon! 

#1

First up I guess I should put my high school AU Kenny. I know it’s controversial, but I imagine this Kenny to be more on the quiet side, but not really in a shy way. He’s just a bit of an observer who doesn’t speak unless he really sees fit, and while he still has his crude humor and is kinda rumored to be sleeping around a lot, he actually struggle with intimacy issues. He never imagined them to include sexual stuff, but turns out they do, and balancing being sexually open and curious and having these issues ain’t easy on the boy, let me tell you that. 

#2

This one is kinda heavily inspired by Luces, but I love him as kind and loyal, but also a bit more chatty and charming, but not for his own gain. He wants others to feel good about themselves, in social settings, his friends, during sexy times, he is selfless and good, but he is also living for the moment, he is a likable and wonderful guy, but he does still only REALLY open up emotionally to people he really trusts. Not traditionally attractive, but interesting looking in a way. Lots of freckles, bit of buck teeth with a big gap between his front teeth, messy kinda curly hair, long straight nose. Always wears baggy hoodies and worn out jeans, shrugs and gives that lopsided smile when people ask him about anything personal.

#3

Mysterious Kennyyyy. You think you know him, everyone does, but in reality, very few have seen the real him. He likes people, and he likes to help them, he’s always down to listen to people’s problems and help them, he wants to inspire kids like himself to never give up and think there’s only one path for them, because he knows there is not. Volunteers at the animal shelter with Stan, works part time at Tweek Bro’s and is good buddies with Tweek. Had a early sexual debut, slept around a bit and got his heart broken unexpectedly when he was a Freshman, so there are some walls there now, but he ain’t usually one to turn down someone who’s up for it and whom with he has good chemistry either. 

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.” 

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

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As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

[nobodyfamousposts]

Miraculous Ladybug Alternate Confessions

Imagine if you would, that the statue scene happened with a different confession?

It’s Marinette’s ONE CHANCE to get out anything she’s wanted to say to Adrien. Literally ANYTHING! What if she said something else? What if she confessed something unexpected? Maybe something she always wanted him to know?

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I’m the one who made the scarf for your birthday.

Adrien’s Brain: (Screeches to a halt)

Marinette: I took it to your house and during the party, I went back and put a note with my name on it to make sure you knew it was from me. But…

Adrien’s Brain: What?

Marinette: But then you came back saying it was from your dad and you just…seemed so happy. I wanted to tell you but…I didn’t want to ruin that for you.

Adrien’s Brain: WHAT?

Marinette: I just want you to be happy, Adrien. Because you are a wonderful person and you deserve it.

Adrien’s Brain: (Incoherent sobbing)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I saw Lila steal your dad’s book and throw it in the trash.

Adrien’s Brain: (Screeches to a halt)

Marinette: Don’t worry! I got it out and gave it back to him. I…also took the blame and told him I borrowed it so he couldn’t say you were irresponsible and he’d would let you come back to school.

Adrien: YOU DID WHAT?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

Marinette: (Flails)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I’m the one who stole your phone during the statue unveiling.

Adrien’s Brain: …what?

Marinette: I’m so sorry! I panicked because I left an embarrassing voicemail and I was so scared you’d hate me so I only took it to delete the recording! I just wanted to ask to see a movie together!

Adrien: We could go see a movie together now, if you want?

Marinette: (SCREEEEEEEECH!)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I know you said we shouldn’t confront Lila or try to out her, but…she threatened me in the bathroom earlier that day and I’m scared of what she’ll do.

Adrien: SHE WHAT?! WHAT DID SHE DO?! HOW DARE SHE?!

Marinette: (Screams and falls back)

Adrien: (Grabs Marinette in a hug) It’s okay, Marinette. I won’t let her do anything.

Marinette: (Internal screaming)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I like you, Adrien. I really do. But sometimes…sometimes I don’t think you really care about my feelings.

Adrien’s Brain: …what?

Marinette: I mean, you’re nice, but you’re nice to everyone, even if they’re doing bad things. But rather than actually…’know…do anything about them, you just sort of brush me off and it hurts my feelings.

Adrien’s Brain: …

Marinette: I mean, like Chloe leaving. I get she was your friend and you were sad about it, but you didn’t seem to get that Chloe was and still is an unrepentant bully who has gone out of her way to make everyone around her miserable. She stole my hat design. She stole my diary. She stole my…toy. She’s done horrible things that aren’t even of any benefit to her and you just…don’t do anything. And it hurts.

Adrien’s Brain: …

Marinette: And then Lila…you know she’s lying and you don’t say anything. And I’m scared that you won’t say anything, even if she makes good on her threat to turn everyone against me.

Adrien’s Brain: Wait—what?

Marinette: It’s just…I like you, Adrien. But I wish you would stand up for me the way you always seem to stand up for them.

Adrien’s Brain: …oh.

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: Adrien, I have concerns about your weight.

Adrien’s Brain: What?

Marinette: I don’t think you eat enough. You’re thin as a rake and I can easily lift you across Paris.

Adrien’s Brain: Wait—what?

Marinette: Oh, how do I know that? Well, I’m actually Ladybug, and it’s been on my mind since I carried you back to the fashion show after Style Queen and—

Adrien: YOU’RE LADYBUG?!

Marinette: (Screams)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I’m a horrible human being!

Adrien’s Brain: That’s not true!

Marinette: Yesterday, I took a plate of macarons that we were supposed to set out for the day and ate half of them while my dad wasn’t looking.

Adrien: Well, that’s not nice, but that’s not bad…

Marinette: (Flails) WHAT THE—?

Adrien: I mean, I’m friends with Chloe. She’s done worse.

Marinette: WHAT THE HELL, ADRIEN?!

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I sing in the shower.

Adrien: (Without thinking) I’m sure you have a pretty voice!

Marinette: (Screams)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: I lied to you about the posters.

Adrien’s Brain: What?

Marinette: The truth is that I have a massive crush on you.

Adrien’s Brain: …what?

Marinette: Insanely massive.

Adrien’s Brain: …oh.

Marinette: So massive it actually kind of scares me.

Adrien’s Brain: ……oh.

Marinette: I hope you won’t hate me or think I’m just another crazy fan, because the thing is that I really do like you. Not because you’re Adrien Agreste, but because you’re you. A sweet, wonderful, caring person who would give your umbrella to someone who was mad at you for something that wasn’t even your fault.

Adrien’s Brain: (Internal screaming)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: Okay, you can come out now. (Takes Chaton out of her bag)

Chaton: (Stares at Adrien)

Adrien: (Stares at Chaton)

Marinette: See? This is Adrien, the boy I like! Or at least his statue. Isn’t he handsome?

Chaton: (Seems to know it’s actually Adrien and is judging the hell out of him)

Adrien: (Feeling very judged right now)

Marinette: (Gushing)

Chaton: (Judgement intensifies)

Adrien: (Sweating)

Chaton: (Gives a gesture to Adrien that he’s watching him)

Adrien: (Now very scared and reevaluating his life choices)

Marinette: (Continues to gush, oblivious)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinete: I have a crush on both you and Luka and I can’t make up my mind between you and I feel guilty as heck over it! What should I decide?

Adrien’s Brain: This is clearly a pivotal moment. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.

Adrien: …Threesome?

Marinette: (Screams)

Adrien’s Brain: DAMMIT!

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: (Joking) I am Ladybug

Adrien: You’re WHAT?!

Marinette: (Screams and falls back)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: (Joking) I am Hawk Moth!

Adrien: (Screams and falls back)

Marinette: (Screams and falls back)

________________

Adrien’s Brain: This will be funny! I wonder what she’ll say?

Marinette: Isn’t he amazing, Tikki?

Adrien’s Brain: Tikki?

Marinette: He’s just so beautiful, even as a statue. Don’t you think?

Tikki: (From the bag) It is impressive work. Maybe you should commission one yourself?

Adrien’s Brain: What?

Marinette: I wouldn’t go that far. What would I even do with an Adrien statue?

Tikki: You could actually try confessing to him.

Adrien’s Brain: What is that?

Marinette: I can’t. Even just seeing his statue is enough to make me stumble over my words.

Tikki: Practice makes perfect! You’ll never know for sure!

Adrien’s Brain: Is that a kwami?

Tikki: Who knows? Maybe you can confess to him when he’s akumatized and he’ll forget the whole thing?

Adrien’s Brain: Oh my god…

Marinette: Don’t even joke about that!

Adrien’s Brain: Hawk Moth?! Marinette?! No! Why!

Marinette: What would even get Adrien that upset anyway?

Adrien’s Brain: My father.

Tikki: His father.

Adrien’s Brain: (Imagines Hawk Moth!Marinette offering him power to act freely)

Adrien: (Blushing)

Adrien’s Brain: No, Adrien. Stop it! Your classmate is Hawk Moth. This is not supposed to be hot!

Marinette: Oh please, what would he even become? (Joking) Go forth my akuma, and evilize him!

Adrien’s Brain: (Imagines hot Hawk Moth! Marinette)

Adrien: (Blushing more)

Adrien’s Brain: DAMMIT!

Marinette: Is the statue turning red?

Adrien’s Brain: Do not think about sexy evil classmate. Do not think about sexy evil classmate. Do not think about sexy evil classmate who clearly has a thing for you.

Tikki: Maybe it’s just the light?

Marinette: Maybe. See you later, Handsome Boy.

Adrien’s Brain: (SCREAMING)

Marinette: (Outside the room, to Tikki) Do you hear something?

Adrien: (Falls over)

Plagg: (Laughs)

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Two)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday. Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 1:

Despite his slacker appearance (and life-style, to be honest), Dave was always punctual. He'd even made an effort to look the part of a guy going on a date with another guy: jeans with only a few holes at the knees, his favorite record shirt, and a red hoodie—all freshly cleaned. So freshly cleaned that the sweater was still very slightly damp. Well, whatever, it'd be fine. They were having dinner first, and that meant he'd have plenty of time for the thing to dry out before they went to the movies where the main thrust of Dave's doki-doki plan would commence.

Karkat arrived a few minutes later. He wasn't dressed to the nines, but it was at least to the sevens. It occurred to Dave, as he watched him approach, that he hadn't known how tall Karkat was. The answer was slightly shorter than Dave but with a more solid build. Stocky. Or maybe that was just the black sweater he was wearing. Then again, his legs looked pretty solid in the black pants he was wearing, too. Either way, he looked good.

Dave gave him an appreciative whistle which made Karkat's eyes narrow. Not the reaction he'd wanted. “Looking good, Karkat,” he said quickly, hoping to smooth over any feathers he might have inadvertently ruffled. “I'm digging the whole sexy college professor thing you've got going.”

“Uh, thanks,” Karkat said with evident disbelief. “You, uh, you look good, too.” He straightened up. “You said we were doing dinner first.”

“Yep.” Dave held out his arm. “I’m taking you to my favorite place. A lot of people think it’s wack, but I’m buying, so if you really don’t like it, at least it didn’t cost you anything.” When his date didn't immediately take his offered arm, he shook it invitingly. “It's not too far from here.”

Karkat looked from Dave's arm to Dave, suspicious. Then he sighed and laid his hand on Dave's arm, his hold tighter than Dave had expected it to be considering his earlier hesitation. “Okay. Fine. Sounds great. Let's go.”

---

The first thing Karkat noticed when he took Dave's arm was that his sleeve was damp. Then he noticed the feeling of the arm beneath his fingers. Despite looking thin enough to break, there was some muscle here. As they walked to what was apparently Dave’s favorite restaurant, Dave just kept talking. If Karkat had been offered a thousand dollars, he doubted he could have remembered any specific details of the inanity he'd been subjected to. A nervous talker. He'd have to put that down in his notes.

Dinner went much the same. Dave talked at him while Karkat sat there trying to eat his food (overpriced, faux Italian—of all the places Dave could have chosen, he'd picked a fucking Olive Garden? That was going in his notes, too.). In all honesty, Karkat tried not to pay too much attention to what was being said. First, he'd already determined that most of what came out of this man's mouth was completely meaningless nonsense, and second, if he actually listened to any of it, he'd be hard pressed not to respond to the idiocy. While Dave had no evident compunction about swearing, Karkat wanted to get through at least this first date without screaming.

All right, so that was an exaggeration. Some of what Dave said was actually pretty funny. In a hopelessly awkward sort of way. Karkat hated that Dave's clumsy compliments were making him blush. Clearly, the man had brain damage... which also explained the rapping that Dave kept doing (completely unprovoked!). By the time dinner was over, Karkat was only too grateful that their next destination meant that Dave would have to stop talking.

---

Since Dave had picked the restaurant, Karkat had picked the movie. Some romantic comedy chick flick Dave couldn't be bothered to remember the title of. Still, it gave him an opportunity to sit right tight next to Karkat and eat his weight in popped, buttery goodness, so he really couldn't complain.

“What’s the deal with that dude?” Dave whispered. “I thought he was already tight with that other chick. What gives? Is he cheating on her?”

Karkat made a noise like a cat being stepped on but softer. “Dave,” he whispered back, his tone full of the same sing-songy patient impatience that Rose would use when she thought Dave was being particularly dim, “if you were paying attention, you'd already know that that 'dude' is that 'other chick's' cousin. They are probably not romantically involved. I know you're from Texas, but that's not how it works above the Mason Dixon line.” Then he ducked his head and took a long drink from his soda. “Sorry. Just-just watch the movie and be quiet.”

Dave blinked. He'd been starting to think Karkat wasn't going to open up at all. At least, he'd had fuck all to say during dinner. Even if it had been an incest joke at his expense, it still was nice to hear Karkat say something. Something that wasn't just non-committal noises or unenthusiastic agreements. He leaned against Karkat's shoulder to whisper, “It's not true, you know. About Texas. We don't fuck our cousins; I mean, we do, but not first cousins. We're strictly second cousins only. It's a rule. Of course, none of my second cousins are as hot as you, so I'd be willing to make an exception. Just this once.”

This earned him a light elbowing to the gut and a low growl, but Karkat didn't push him off.

By the end of the movie, Dave had gotten five more elbows to the gut, three startled bursts of laughter, two creative insults (quickly joined by muttered apologies), and one “Will you please just let me watch this movie?” Over all, Dave felt like he'd succeeded in charming the hell out of this motherfucker, thank you very much.

They'd walked out into the open air, a nice breeze whisking away the smell of popcorn and sweat from the movie theater. “I had a lot of fun, Karkat. Thanks for coming on this date with me. Do you think we could do this again sometime?”

Karkat blinked at him, a clear look of surprise on his face. “Oh, uh, sure.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes, I'd love to go on another date with you.”

Dave's heart leapt. “Awesome. You can hit me up on Pesterchum. Or I can hit you up. How about I hit you up?”

“Fine, that's... that's fine.” Karkat's smile seemed uneven. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

Although Dave was tempted to try for a kiss, he didn't think he ought to press his luck so far on the first date. Karkat had loosened up some while they'd been in the theater, but out here under the streetlight, he looked nervous again. The last thing Dave wanted to do was chase him away. “Okay then. I guess I'll see you later?”

A slow nod. “Yeah, later.” Karkat was stilted and contained again. Restricted, like a hermit crab stuck in a shell that was too tight. It wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all. Dave had caught a few glimpses of the real Karkat tonight, and the sight made him hungry to see more.

Dave watched him walk away, admiring the view with a new goal in mind: he was going to get Karkat Vantas out of his shell if it was the last thing he did. Getting to rub him in Rose’s face at her wedding was only going to be a bonus.

---

* Never shuts up. Not even during movies. Especially during movies. Attention span of a gnat. From Texas. Doesn't know how to use a dryer. Finds me attractive. Probable brain damage. Funny. Charming. Obnoxious. Never takes off sunglasses. Olive Garden.

Karkat sighed and set down his pen. He'd tried his best to be as cordial as he knew how to be, and he still hadn't managed to last for the entire four hours without insulting his date. Multiple times. Oh well. At least Dave was apparently brain damaged enough to find rudeness terribly amusing (if the way he'd kept bugging Karkat during the movie had been any indication).

He'd been surprised when Dave had actually asked if they could go on another date. Karkat knew he hadn't made the best impression, and yet Dave wanted to spend more time with him? He looked over his notes, trying to ignore the surge of happiness that filled him at the thought. It didn't mean anything: Dave was clearly an idiot, and after a few more days, Karkat was going to start on the offensive. Whatever meager promise there would have been in this fledgling romance, it was still doomed from the start: like all of Karkat's relationships.

Day 2:

It was all Dave could do to wait until the next day to pester Karkat. He didn't want to come off as too eager, after all. Didn't want to put Karkat off. But Dave was only so strong.

TG: so i was thinking TG: if youre not busy TG: we could go to the park this afternoon TG: watch the grifters and maybe get robbed TG: or you could come to my place and hang TG: is it too soon to do that? TG: asking for a friend TG: this is dave by the way TG: i dont know how many people youre talking to TG: not that its any of my business TG: i wouldnt want you up in my grill asking me who im talking to CG: IT IS SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING ON SUNDAY. TG: yea and youre up anyway CG: BECAUSE YOU WOKE ME UP. WITH YOUR TEXTS. THAT YOU SENT JUST NOW. TG: oh shit sorry CG: IT'S FINE. I NEEDED TO GET UP ANYWAY. CG: YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME? WHY?

Dave frowned down at his phone. Was Karkat fishing for compliments or was he being serious?

TG: because its fun to hang out with you TG: thats how this works right? TG: i thought we could watch another movie TG: at my place TG: or your place i guess if that works better for you TG: ive got popcorn if that sweetens the deal at all CG: YES. BECAUSE THE WAY TO MY HEART IS MICROWAVED POPCORN. TG: fucking called it CG: … CG: FINE. I'LL MEET YOU AT THE PARK AT 2:30PM. IS THAT ACCEPTABLE? TG: perfect ill meet you by the giant yo CG: YOU MEAN THE OY/YO. TG: tomatoes tomotoes karkat

Dave watched the little “CG is typing” message run for almost a minute, feeling his nervousness grow. What had he said that required a novel length response? He managed to reign in the impulse to apologize preemptively, but it was a struggle.

CG: OKAY. WHATEVER. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Fine, good then. Nothing was wrong.

TG: im looking forward to it TG: its not hard to intuit TG: when we come out to debut TG: sit by the yo then well go round TG: downtown get the lowdown TG: before we get busy in the hissie TG: partake of the fizzie cause we got a duty TG: to watch the fuck out of this movie CG: RIGHT. SEE YOU THEN. BYE.

Dave shrugged. He couldn't expect Karkat to really appreciate his off the cuff rhymes so soon after waking up, he supposed. Maybe they'd land better later. Flat reception or not, the important thing was he'd gotten Karkat to agree to come to his apartment. He looked around, frowning. Maybe he should clean up a little.

---

Jesus Fucking Christ. Karkat tossed his phone on the bedside table with a groan. It had been all that he could do not to curse out Dave like there would never be a tomorrow. Considering the fact that he was currently planning to go to the apartment of a practical stranger, that much might just be true for him. He lay in bed a little longer, out of spite mostly—he could never get back to sleep after being woken up—, before getting out from under the covers. First things first: notes.

* Inconsiderate asshole. Horrible rapper. Calls the OY/YO “the YO”. Doesn't know the right way to express “tomatoes, tomahtos”. Wants to spend time with me. Insane. We have that much in common.

Thanks to Dave's wake-up call, Karkat had plenty of time to eat a hearty breakfast and start his article.

“How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure” BY KARKAT VANTAS

Since you have decided to read this article, I will assume that you are looking to learn the art of ruining your relationships without the mess of all that trial and error. Maybe you enjoy breaking hearts. Maybe you are the kind of masochist who enjoys getting their heart broken but is at a loss as to how to properly sabotage your relationship yourself. If you can manage to follow these simple steps, you will be well on your way to the same bitter loneliness that usually only the most unlucky in love get the privilege to experience. 

The first step is the victim. For the purposes of this article, I picked one that is particularly obnoxious and brain dead. You may have different qualities you are looking for in a potential short-term partner. Ultimately, the most important thing to consider when you plan to lose a guy (or gal or enby) is that you make certain they are one you do not mind losing. That way you can start the process without any regrets.

The second step is the hook. Laugh at their dumb jokes; accept their stupid compliments; ignore their mangling of the English language (in my case, his horrible rapping); and generally be as agreeable as you can manage. A severe lack of intelligence in your short-term partner can be a boon here, though you will find most people are not immune to flattery. You need to make certain that you have your short-term partner well and truly interested in you before you attempt to lose them. If you try to lose them too soon, you will miss out on the full relationship ruining experience.

A little too informal, maybe, but a fine start. Depending on how well this afternoon went (assuming he wasn't murdered and stuffed in a closet), maybe Karkat would be able to start on step three. He was able to stomp down his nascent guilt with ease. After all, Dave wouldn't have been interested in him after the novelty wore off anyway.

---

The afternoon was a little warmer than the evening had been, but Dave still wore his hoodie. It felt lucky, and it was still clean. More the latter than the former, but the point stood! He sat down on the bench next to the giant yellow YO installation and waited. While it was tempting to shoot a message to Karkat, he decided against it. He’d be seeing him in less than ten minutes, and he didn’t want him to think he was clingy. Which he wasn’t. Totally not. Dave Strider had never clung his whole life. Ask anyone. Except Jade. Don’t ask her. 

He noticed his leg was bouncing and put a stop to that noise. He was a cool operator. He had this thing on lock. The date yesterday had gone good, right? Karkat wouldn’t have agreed to see him again if he’d had a terrible time. He pushed back his hood and ran a hand through his hair. Nothing to worry about. He’d have a date for Rose’s wedding and continue sorting out the mystery that was Karkat Vantas.

Dave heard the crunch of gravel and looked over to see Karkat approaching. Another sweater combo, but gray this time. The guy had a style he preferred, clearly. It was fine: he looked great. He stood and closed the distance between them. “Hey, Karkat.”

“Hey,” Karkat returned, frowning. Of course, that seemed to be his default expression. “I brought a movie to watch,” he said gruffly. 

Although Dave had been hoping he’d be able to pick the movie this time, he wasn’t too cut up about it. It might be a little early in the relationship to bring out The Room anyway. He wouldn’t know. “Sounds great. My place isn’t too far from here.” He held his arm out. “Shall we?”

Again, Karkat regarded his arm with suspicion. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

Karkat opened his mouth before seeming to think better of whatever he’d planned to say. “Never mind.” He took Dave’s arm. “Let’s get going.”

As they walked to his apartment, Dave tried to keep the conversation flowing, but Karkat’s subdued responses quickly killed his enthusiasm. “I feel like I’m talking too much,” he said finally. 

Karkat mumbled something which sounded suspiciously like “You think?” before he shook his head. “No, of course not. I’m just a little too tired to, uh, participate, that’s all.”

Dave winced at the reminder of his first faux pas of the day. “No problem, dude. I got us covered. I got words for days.”

“Months even,” Karkat added before ducking his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Nudging Karkat’s side, Dave laughed. “Nah, man it’s true. I’ve got words for fucking years.”

Karkat smiled slightly. “Decades.”

“Centuries.”

“Eons”

“Until the next motherfucking epoch, I’ve got words, Karkat. So many words. All the words even.”

Karkat snorted, covering his face with his free hand. “Damn it, Dave. Stop making yourself likeable.”

“I think that’s the point of this whole thing,” Dave pointed out reasonably. “Dating, I mean. It’s not like the old days where your dad and my dad decide if you’re worth enough chickens to trade me for, you know. These days I get to decide for myself how many chickens I want to be traded for.” He gave Karkat a mock critical eye. “How about it, Karkat? How many chickens could I get for you?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said, his mock serious tone almost too close to a serious tone for Dave’s comfort. “Let me look in my pocket.” He made a show of staring down at the pocket containing his free hand before sliding the hand out and flipping Dave the bird. “Is this enough for you?”

Dave laughed. “I’m sorry, Karkat. You must have at least five chickens to ride this ride.” He felt his face flush but pushed onward. “I guess you’ll have to settle for a movie, and maybe some pizza.”

Karkat was grinning, and Dave decided right then and there that he wanted to keep seeing it. “Maybe next time.” As though to intentionally spite him, Karkat frowned again. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, man, just a little further.” As they continued their journey to his apartment, Dave felt himself frown. What was Karkat’s deal? He was a lot more fun when he let himself be himself. Dave didn’t like meanness for meanness sake, but he enjoyed a good joke. For some reason, Karkat seemed to think he shouldn’t joke around? Why? His frown deepened. Karkat also apologized a lot. And he was so often deferential even when it was obvious he had OPINIONS he wasn’t sharing. The pieces were adding up to a disturbing picture. 

Maybe after he was done hanging out with Karkat today, he should hit up Rose. She’d know what to do.

---

Karkat’s expectations for Dave’s apartment had been fairly low, and he’d been pleasantly surprised. While not as meticulous as his own apartment, there at least weren’t empty food containers on every surface or dirty clothes everywhere. There was an overall shabbiness though: the feeling that the occupant didn’t care overly much about the apartment’s upkeep. The futon in front of the television was ancient and threadbare as were the carpets. The posters hung on the walls were dusty and faded, and there was a sort of mildewy smell. Still, as previously mentioned it was clean (more or less), and there were no obvious signs of a hidden murder dungeon (not that there would be if there were one, naturally). 

“Nice place,” he said for politeness’ sake. 

Dave beamed like a little boy who’d gotten just what he’d wanted for Christmas. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it keeps the rain off.” He gestured towards the futon. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got apple juice. And water from the tap, I guess. I could go pick up some beer if you want to go that route, or--”

Karkat held up his hand, hoping to stem the tide of suggestions. “Water’s fine, thank you.”

“You’ve got it,” Dave said before tilting his head and making twin awkward gestures with both hands involving his pointer fingers. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

It wasn’t until after he’d disappeared into, presumably, the kitchen that Karkat realized he’d been making finger guns. What a dork. Not that Karkat was any more suave, but he liked to think he was at least less childish. He tried to supplant the rush of fondness he felt by recalling just how pissed he’d been with this manchild this morning. It was not one hundred percent successful.

Dave returned with two glasses: water for Karkat, and apple juice for himself. “Take a seat,” he insisted as he set the glasses on the coffee table (sans coasters). “It won’t bite.”

Gingerly, Karkat took a seat on the ancient futon. The padding was so thin, he could feel the bars beneath. It was going to take a while to become unbearable, and he hoped this hang out? date? didn’t last long enough for that to happen. Just as he’d been about to reach for the water, suddenly uncertain whether he actually ought to drink anything Dave gave him, Dave flopped down onto the futon beside him like a sack of gangly flour. “Dave!”

“S’up?” Dave asked, grinning. 

“Don’t ‘s’up’ me--,” Karkat managed to stop himself from calling Dave an asshole, but only just. “Just don’t ‘s’up’ me. Speak like a normal person.” He realized he was making a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Sorry, I--”

“Dude,” Dave said, his grin dropping away, “Karkat, you don’t have to apologise for every kind of mean thing you say. I’m a big boy: I can take it.” 

Karkat supposed he shouldn’t be surprised: he’d never been good at pretending to be a good person. If he could have managed that feat for any length of time, he wouldn’t be in this position. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as dryly as he could. 

“I’m serious.” Dave sat up and turned to face Karkat head on, and Karkat saw his own annoyed expression mirrored in the black lenses. “I haven’t known you very long, and maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but--”

“You’re right,” Karkat interrupted, feeling his tenuous hold on his temper slipping. “You shouldn’t say anything.” After taking a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to say anything he didn’t mean to, he spoke again. “Let’s just watch the movie and eat some microwaved popcorn. Does that sound like something we could do? Or would you like to keep pretending you have some deep insights into my character as though we’ve known each other longer than three days?”

Dave raised his hands, and Karkat realized he’d sounded far more aggressive than the situation warranted. At this rate, he wouldn’t even get a chance to lose this asshole! Nice job, Vantas: stellar work. “No, you’re right. I’ll step off.” Dave said softly. He got off of the futon with far more grace than he’d flopped onto it with. “You just put the movie in, and I’ll, uh, I’ll make the popcorn.”

Karkat watched him go before putting his head in his hands. Well, fuck. As though this whole situation hadn’t been awkward before. He should just leave. Just leave, forget about his stupid article, and stop dragging this stupidly likeable idiot down with him. He should. 

He stayed where he was. 

---

Dave took maybe longer than he absolutely needed to to prepare the popcorn. As much as he liked to consider himself a smooth operator, he could tell when he’d made a mistake, and he wanted to give the guy in the other room a chance to cool down. What made it made it worse was that Karkat had been right to get mad at him: Dave barely knew him. In his place, Dave would probably be pissed, too. 

Even so, Dave didn’t think he was wrong about the conclusions he’d come to. It was obvious that Karkat was, for whatever reason, putting on a show for Dave’s sake. Honestly, it was kind of creepy. If he understood why Karkat felt the need to do that, he’d feel better about it.

But it wasn’t his business. Not yet. Maybe you had to reach a certain level on the boyfriend echeladder before that kind of thing was something you talked about. It would probably help if they were actually boyfriends and not just newly dating, too. There seemed to be at least one obvious solution to that problem.

Dave could be patient. After all, he still had eleven days or so to get Karkat to at least like him enough to be his plus one at Rose’s wedding. It wasn’t all he wanted anymore, but it'd be enough to start with. As Rose had so often told him, start with small goals. 

He poured an obscene amount of butter over the popcorn in the bowl and headed out to the living room. Karkat was bent over, fiddling with the DVD player, and when he looked up at Dave, his mouth was curved somewhat upwards. “What movie do you have for us?”

Karkat stood. “Coming to America.” He made his way back to the futon and sat down as though worried he might fall through if he sat down too quickly. “It’s more comedy than romantic, so I thought you might enjoy it more.”

That sounded vaguely familiar. “Okay.” Dave joined him on the futon, taking care not to startle him this time. “Let’s get this party started.”

---

Karkat had hoped bringing a comedy would hold Dave’s attention enough to keep him from talking through the whole thing. He’d been mistaken. Yes, a lot of what Dave said was funny, but it just never fucking stopped. Finally, Karkat couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Then he very deliberately set the remote back down. “I want you to listen to me, Dave. Are you listening?”

Dave looked confused, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’m listening. Do you have something you want to tell me? I’m all ears. Lay it on me.”

God, he couldn’t even listen without rambling! “Would it kill you to shut up?” He saw Dave’s eyebrows peek over the tops of his glasses. A part of him told him to reconsider his current course of action, but naturally, Karkat could never abide by a piece of good advice. “Would it literally cause you to drop dead if you couldn’t expel your idiocy out of your mouth like a goddamned septic pipe full of half-formed metaphors and bullshit? Would your head explode? Can we try that experiment and see what happens?” Karkat felt his fingernails biting into his palms and realized he’d clenched his fists. “What do you say, Dave? Wait, I’ve changed my mind: don’t say anything. Let me bask in the gentle ethereal glow of silence for a moment. Can you do that for me, Dave? Can you let me bask? Will the endless flow of words finally cease?”

‘No’ was clearly the answer to that question since Dave was already opening his mouth. Then, to Karkat’s utter shock, he shut it again. His expression wasn’t ever easy to read with those douche shades he insisted on wearing all the time, but now it was completely closed off. Even the eyebrows had lowered back to their original position.

Silence stretched between them. 

Karkat felt sick to his stomach. Shit. Shit. He really just couldn’t do it, could he? Couldn’t pretend even for a few hours that he was a normal person. Well, so much for this experiment. Time to write off this little adventure. Was it worth even trying to apologise? Before he could decide, Dave made the decision for him. 

He was clapping. “Damn, just got owned,” he said, a wide grin splitting his face. “You owned me, Karkat. You should feel proud. Not everyone gets own this,” he gestured to himself. “I just hope you know what you’re getting into: I’m barely house trained.”

For an embarrassingly high number of seconds, all Karkat could do was blink. “You’re not mad?”

“Fuck no,” Dave said, still grinning. “I’m a big kid now. I’ve graduated from diapers all the way to pull ups. It takes more than a finely crafted, well-deserved take down to take me down.” The grin softened. “This is what I was trying to say before: I want to date you, not some weird super agreeable version of you. If you want to tell me off for talking too much, fucking go for it. You’ve got a way with insults--it’s a gift. Frankly, I’m insulted you’ve been keeping it to yourself.”

“There’s more where that comes from, asshole,” Karkat said before he could stop himself. To his amazement, Dave still seemed more amused than anything. A strange mixture of anger and fondness welled up inside him. “Stop grinning at me, and watch the fucking movie.” He picked up the remote and hesitated. “You don’t have to be silent,” he said, still feeling a little guilty over his earlier outburst, “just maybe less talking?”

Dave made a big show of running a zipper over his lips. Then he immediately ruined it by saying, “Scouts honor, Karkat. My word is bond. You can cash that shit at the bank.”

Karkat tried to picture Dave as a boy scout and failed. “Right.” He pressed play and the movie resumed. Of course, Dave still talked during the movie, but the sheer volume of words had slowed to a moderate stream rather than the full-bore blasting Karkat had been subjected to earlier. As he sat there on the futon, occasionally answering Dave’s stupid comments with barbs of his own, he felt warm in a way that was only nominally connected to the temperature of the arm he was leaning against. He felt… content.

---

Overall, Operation Hang Out had been a big success. It had been rocky in places, but again, overall, Dave felt like he’d hit his major mission objectives. A movie was watched, pizza was consumed, and Karkat finally, finally, did something other than apologise every time a hint of the person he’d met at the cafe had come through. He didn’t necessarily want to keep pissing Karkat off, but that bitch fit he’d thrown had been epic. 

Karkat wasn’t the kind of guy Dave had expected to find himself interested in. At least, he’d never thought he’d have a grumpy asshole kink. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the more quiet parts of Karkat’s visit, too. It had felt nice to sit on the futon with someone leaning against his shoulder. Dave wasn’t a sap, no, not a suave guy like him, but he couldn’t deny he’d like to do it again some time. 

He considered texting Rose as he’d planned to earlier before deciding not to. After all, he’d managed the first crisis all on his own, and she might consider it cheating if he got her help. No, for now at least, this bird was flying solo.

---

* Clean apartment. Finger guns. Puts too much butter on popcorn. Also talks during movies outside theater setting. Likes getting insulted. Kink?  Wants to date the “real” me. Delusional. Comfortable arm. Had a nice time. Had acceptable time. Clothes in his shower??? 

[forthegothicheroine]

Dear Purimgifts Author

I, uh, I nominated a lot of stuff this year.  That’s good, right?  It means you get more options!  I’d be equally happy with one three-part story or three one-part stories, I’m just dying to see what you come up with!

The Path (Game)

I watched a Let’s Play of this game years ago, and still can’t get it out of my head.  Tell me what’s going on overall, or just focus in on one of the girls and tell me her story.  I’d rather not get too sexual with this one, but if you want to do a little creepy romance with one of the older girls and her wolf (the piano wolf or the motorcycle wolf in particular) go for it.  I’ll take a happy ending or a sad ending here, either one would fit.  And if you want to make any of the girls Jewish, feel free to go there...

Spinning Silver

This book was a revelation to me.  An actual practicing Jewish heroine!  Clearly explained economics!  Creepy fairies!  Heroine/villain romance!  Anything focusing on Miryem is good here, be it romantic and/or sexual with her fairy king, or simply a day in the life of being a clever moneylender.  And does she continue her job with other mythical creatures?

Matthew Bourne’s Sleeping Beauty: A Gothic Romance

Trite as it may be, I’m a sucker for heroine/villain/hero love triangles, and this ballet gave me exactly what I wanted.  So, tell me about Aurora!  Tell me about her love for Leo and/or Caradoc, her fear and desperation in captivity, or her adjustment to life as a vampire!  This is one where I’d be happy to see things get sexy (non or dubcon is okay where Caradoc is concerned) but please don’t feel obligated to go there.

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

I was just reflecting on how much I love this movie, and thinking about how cool Francesca’s role is- she’s the ingenue, sure, but she also gets to argue with the villain and hold to her own philosophical beliefs.  You can give me more of those scenes, or tell me more about her love/hate dynamic with Prince Prospero.  And what if the religion she felt so strongly about had been Judaism?  How would that change the story in an alternate universe?

The Frisco Kid

I love this movie.  I love Avram and Tommy’s friendship- they’re just so sweet together!  I’d love to see more of them, be it gen friendship or slash.  And if you haven’t seen the movie, please take this as encouragement to do so.  Young Gene Wilder and young Harrison Ford!  It’s great!

Dracula- Bram Stoker

Dracula is my favorite novel and Mina Harker is my favorite character, so I’d love to see something about her and/or Lucy.  This could be a missing episode during the plot of the book, an episode after, or an alternate canon divergence universe.  I’m not too keen on the ‘Mina is Dracula’s reincarnated wife and/or Jonathan is evil’ trope, but otherwise I’m open to any sort of wackiness (or seriousness!)  If you’re looking for a way to fit Jewish culture into this prompt, tell me what happens when Jewish symbols are used against vampires.  Do they work?  What’s the theology and/or metaphysics behind what works?

The Addams Family (1991)

I’ve long headcanoned the Addams family (or at the very least Morticia) as Jewish, and I’d love to see that in fanfic form!  Or, if you don’t feel like writing that, I’ll take a slice of life with Morticia and/or Wednesday.  Wednesday’s summer camp rebellion was important to me as a child, and Morticia is who I long to be as an adult, after all!

Arthurian Mythology

Welcome to my current fixation.  I got some lovely fic about Ragnelle last Purimgifts, and I’m always up for more, or somthing that explores Morgan (as either friend or foe or both) or Guinevere (as conflicted lover or faithful wife) or Vivian/Nimue (as hero or villain.)  How did the ladies of Camelot survive- or not- Mordred’s coup?  If you want to do something Jewish, tell me how things work in Camelot.  We know there are Saracen knights- are there Jewish ones?  Did Camelot approach a progressive place in its own fumbling ahistorical way?

Darkest Dungeon

There are lots of female characters to choose from here!  My fave is the Graverobber, but they’re all great.  Tell me a funny thing that happened in one of your games, or ship a lady with a partner of your choice (het or femslash are both fine), keep it restricted to the main game or bring in stuff from the Crimson Court or The Color of Madness.  Or even tell me a story about the Countess!

Twin Peaks

Look, I’ll come out and say it- I think the female characters were done dirty by the sequel and book materials, especially Audrey and Donna.  I’d like to think something positive could have happened to them in another universe (I’m neutral on Audrey/Dale, but having her forever pine after him after having been raped by his doppleganger and giving birth to a soulless child and married to a man she hates and confined to an asylum was a special kind of cruelty.)  So I’ll take fix fic, or if you just don’t want to touch that area at all, something nice happening to Donna, Audrey, Shelley or even Laura’s ghost during seasons 1 or 2 would be really nice.

Fallout: New Vegas

My Courier is female, so I’ll happily take fem!Courier fic, but I’d also enjoy something about Cass, Veronica or Lily.  I’d also love to think of my Courier as Jewish, and generally ship her with Boone, but any of these details are totally optional.  I just love this world- the characters, the dialogue, the complex political relationships- and I love getting to spend time there in fic.  Do something scary with our heroine(s) up against the Legion or do something fluffy about singing folksongs in the desert, I’ll love it either way!

English and Scottish Popular Ballads- Francis James Child

I’ll honestly take anything with this.  I love folk music, and I’d love to hear any of the ballads expanded on.  (Young Lord Hugh is, uh, probably not the easiest choice, but if you want to tell me how the Jewish villainess was actually framed, be my guest.)  There are so many intriguing women in these songs, just pick your favorite heroine or villainess and go for it!

Kushiel’s Legacy

I love every Night Court worldbuilding story I read!  I’d love to know about your favorite house, whether it’s one we’ve seen in action or not- what the hell do they do in Alyssum?  What’s it like for a Valerian adept who likes her job but doesn’t have Phaedre’s extreme masochism?  If you want to take on a bigger challenge, my biggest complaint about this series is that I really, really don’t like how they did the Jewish characters.  If you think you could write out a scenario with Jews in the world of Kushiel who aren’t either merged with Christians or poor lost souls just waiting for the light of Elua, please give it a try!

[zyzzyva1936-blog-blog]

“Lemma the Librarian - The Choice”

Published: 5 May, 2018

http://www.mcstories.com/LemmaTheLibrarian/index.html

Spoilers in effect.

And here we are at the very end (almost). The Chekov’s gun doomspell Lemma’s been toting around since “Sucker For a Good Book” and which has been hanging over her head specifically since “The Choosing One” finally pays off, and it’s pretty great*.

A lot of things are paid off here, actually (they’d better be, it’s the climax of the series). Rhoda gets to be heroic, as usual***; Lemma and Iola have only been on the outs for one story but they resolve that again; Iason, big doofy slab of decency that he is, gets to sacrifice himself for the greater good; Lemma gets to finally admit that she loves Iason and rescue him from his heroic sacrifice. And they kiss, for real, for the first time.

And Iola gets to make up for “Iola Special!” and “The Choosing One”. Which is not the most important part of the plot in this story - you could, and I probably will, argue that the whole arc is about Lemma and Iason hooking up - but it’s the part that makes me the happiest. Lemma and Iason bounce back from some pretty awful shit without blinking; Iola’s been dealing with it in a much worse (put probably more plausible) way, as symbolized by the two times so far she’s refused Iason’s offer of their father’s sword out of guilt****.

Now she’s got another group of innocent, besieged women to defend from evil, soul-eating forces, and she does so. (The destruction of Ardatlili is probably the cleverest single thing in the story; the fact that Iola and Ardatlili got a death-feud going in less than six hours beats out even Rhoda’s goodness and puppies speech for the funniest.*****) Iola is finally able to think of herself as a hero again, she’s rescued hundreds of people******, earned her father’s sword (at least in her own eyes; I’m with Iason that it was always hers for the taking), and can go off and have exciting adventures fighting monsters and saving people again. It’s great.

Iason and Lemma finally have an honest discussion about their feelings (the fact that Iason is a dom, and just has been too decent and self-concious to act on it, is a little over-neat but by this point Lemma has damn well earned it). And that’s it for the publicly available stories! There’s one more story, an epilogue, but @midorikonton​ has thankfully made this a satisfying jumping-off point. I’ll cover the epilogue (briefly) next time. 

*Back then Lemma described the spell as being really, really simple and low-power, which in this sort of thing is usually just puffery. But the description of it in this actually does bear that out, which is a nice touch. Relatedly, Vamp!Brea’s plan is never laid out explicitly, but my suspicion is that it would have been to have Lemma slag the city as soon as possible, unmaking Ardatlili** and Asmodai and Iason and Iola but “protecting” the world from destruction.

**Blink and you miss it, but she survives! Iola kills her, which really just means unsummoning, so she isn’t in Hattush when it gets unmade. So she’s still kicking around, which wouldn’t make a bad sequel hook.

***We also get a hilarious explanation of how Rhoda makes heroic demon-summoning work:

“[...]They're evil, they can only get you if you do evil, and we're good guys, so we don't."

I stopped dead in the street and stared at her.

"What?" she asked.

"You..." I sputtered. "How are you not already in some demon's thrall?"

"Because I'm a good guy," she repeated slowly and with emphasis. "So I don't do evil, so they can't get me."

It’s usually the other way around - “I’m a good guy, so what I’m doing can’t be evil” - and that leads to lots of awful things. Rhoda’s got it the right way around, which is harder; but I suppose in a career where your soul will be eaten within 30s of your first evil deed, you’ve got what we call incentive.

****At the ends of “The Glamour-ous Life of a Slave” and “The Choosing One”, natch.

*****It reminded me of a particularly quotable joke from the always-brilliant Narbonic. “Dave... have you been battling my arch-nemesis behind my back?” “He’s our arch-nemesis now, Helen.” Incidentally, @midorikonton is also a big fan of Narbonic, as all right-thinking people should be. ;) ****** “Oh, by the way, all the kids escaped” is a little funny in its blunt contrivance - right up there with “a monster is attacking the abandoned warehouse district!” from Power Rangers. But, as the DCEU movies have been working very hard to prove, the alternative is much, much worse. Besides, I’ve spent half the review series nursing a grudge against the opening of “The Choosing One”; I can hardly complain that Jenny has since learned better. :)

When The Fuck Are We? 🤷

Hattush is Ḫattuša, the Hittite capital, probably, although there’s mostly only circumstantial evidence here. (The goddess whose temple they end up defending is Hittite, at any rate.) In the real world, the Hittites were an empire in Anatolia (modern-day Turkey) that dominated the near east towards the end of the Bronze Age. Part of the reason for this was their early mastery of iron; still rare and expensive, but enough to kick off the Iron Age and give them a crushing strategic advantage. (This gets a minor shout-out in the story; Hattush is where Iason’s father had his sword forged.) Ḫattuša was destroyed along with the Hittite Empire and a lot of other places during the Bronze Age Collapse; so this is at the right time, even if real Ḫattuša left remains and not a giant smouldering crater. Still, at least we can go out on the high note of “we’re actually at the Bronze Age Collapse, huzzah!” Plus, I’ve always had a soft spot for the Hittites, all the way back to when I was first introduced to them in the AoE 1 demo.

This story, being concerned with the much-more-Christian-than-anything-else-in-the-series demons, also imports great piles of Judeo-Christian folklore. Nephilim, in Hebrew mythology* were the descendants of angels sent to watch over humanity, and the human women that they got their rocks on for. (Sometimes the women they bone are descendants of the cursed Cain, specifically.) They were giants and “warriors of renown”. People have periodically explained dinosaur bones as the bones of the Nephilim. So not a lot like the baby demons depicted here. 

Lilith, Ardatlili and Asmodai’s boss, was (again according to tradition) Adam’s first wife, also created from dirt, who got kicked out and replaced by rib-critter Eve for not being subservient to him. She is traditionally the mother of all sorts of monsters, especially sexy ones, so that lines up. Her demonic aspect probably also was something of a conflation with neighbouring Mesopotamian fertility goddesses: the Israelites were pretty industrious about making all of their neighbours’ gods into demons. Asmodeus, probably originally a god of a Syrian tribe near Judea - I told you - is the demon prince associated with the Deadly Sin of Lust, which in medieval demonology makes him Lilith’s boss, because gender roles. 

Dybbuks are modern** Jewish folklore: malicious ghosts who possess people. They’re not really demonic, just evil, but as they’ve been incorporated into broader popular culture they’ve been conflated with demonic possession pretty generally, so that also matches up. The poor victims of Hattush probably most closely resemble the “gebbeths” of A Wizard of Earthsea, though. ;)

*Which is to say, the word’s used once or twice in the Bible but all the actual details I recount come from apocrypha like 1 Enoch or just oral tradition. Ditto for all the other names, except for the ones that don’t even occur once.

**“Modern” in the historical sense: post-1600 CE or so. The word is Yiddish rather than Hebrew. That’s still enough to make it comfortably the most recent thing in the whole series, give or take a “French maid” joke.

~

Next time: brief coverage of the epilogue, and look back at the series as a whole.

[rtawngs20815]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[repwinpril9y0a1]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[exfrenchdorsl4p0a1]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[porchenclose10019]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[chpatdoorsl3z0a1]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[rtscrndr53704]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb

[pat78701]

Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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Colton Haynes, Once Told To Stay In The Closet, Returns With A Sparkling Outlook

In the span of approximately two years, Colton Haynes ditched his MTV and CW roots, came out, fired his management and took some time off. Now, he’s returning from his hiatus wearing nothing but a glittering thong. The rowdy new comedy “Rough Night,” about a Miami bachelorette weekend gone wrong, features Haynes as a stripper who plays a pivotal role in the movie’s third-act twist.

When I sat down with the 28-year-old actor, who found fame on the television series “Teen Wolf” and “Arrow,” he was candid about the highs and lows of publicly declaring his sexuality. Newly engaged and freed from the leash of career advisers who wanted to market him as straight, Haynes has processed the anxiety that accompanied his private life being laid bare. It’s as good an excuse as any to expose himself to the world, thong and all.

When offered a movie like “Rough Night,” is the fact that you’re wearing only a thong in most of your scenes part of the pitch?

I have no idea. I literally quit acting for over a year and then I re-signed with a new agency, and then they called me. They were like, “Hey, you just got offered this role.” I said, “I got offered … why? What? With Scarlett Johansson? What? Can you call them back and make sure they’re not looking for Jesse McCartney or someone else?” They weren’t, so I was excited.

Is Jesse McCartney really where your mind went as the alternate Colton Haynes?

I love Jesse McCartney, but I am always mistaken for him. I don’t know why. It’s just a funny thing — people will have conversations with me as if I’m Jesse McCartney. I’ve never met him; he seems like the coolest person ever, but I’m not him.

You took a year off after leaving “Arrow.”

Yeah, I took a year off after “Arrow” and dealt with some personal issues. Then, I came back with a really positive mindset and this came along.

Was that during the coming-out?

The coming-out thing was a year ago in May, so yeah, it was basically that whole process. When that happened, it was me figuring out, “OK, is this a good move?” I parted ways with my team, and it was a really tricky year for me. My anxiety was terrible, and eventually I was like, “I’m not going to literally waste the last 10 years of my life.” So I started back and it’s going well.

Did you anticipate a moment where you’d need to make a public declaration about your sexuality and then ride out the attention it would receive?

No, I never thought — I’ve been told by so many people that you cannot be out and have a career. Literally people would set me up with girls for press. The craziest thing was my career actually became the best it’s ever been once I actually was true to myself. That happened, and it was the most amazing experience. I was in Paris the day that the EW article dropped, and I cried for three day straight.

Good cry?

It was amazing. Good cry, yeah. I was happy at the outpouring. Marc Snetiker wrote the best article, and then eventually I did the Out cover, which also was a good article. Now I live a more free and open life. It’s nice ― people have now started giving me work because of it, and it’s been really awesome.

Every gay person seems to have an opinion about how every other gay person should behave, especially when it involves celebrities.

Oh, 100 percent.

Did you get a sense of some people saying you’d done it the wrong way?

Oh, there was a very public thing, without naming names. I think people are not very well-informed, so if someone didn’t know that I literally did a three-page article coming out, then they could say some things. I think that whole situation was just not being informed. But the outpouring of people being like, “Oh, we knew the whole time,” that’s cool, but so did I. It’s this whole juxtaposition of “I also knew I was gay, as well.” I know you knew, and so did I, and I struggled with it for so long. Then, when it happened, I just started working nonstop on stuff I can’t talk about yet.

In what context were you set up with women?

I would be at a party. There was this whole story that ran with Lauren Conrad, who I love — she’s the best. Basically my old manager at the time was like, “Oh, take a picture with her.” He just basically ran this story trying to say that I was dating Lauren Conrad. It was there for about six months. I was like, “Oh, great, I have to do this.” That’s how it is in Hollywood. But not anymore. You have all these amazing showrunners who actually embrace people’s personal lives and embrace people’s truth. I think that’s really pivotal.

I’m surprised you were dealing with that even a few years ago. I figured we’d moved past that.

Yeah, I did that for seven or eight years. I was told by my first manager, like 10 years ago, “You will never work in this town if people know [you’re gay].”

I assume that’s what led to your management changes.

Oh God, yeah. That was like, “Bye! You gotta get out.” God. I wish I could say more.

You can!

[Laughs] Yeah. It was a compete team change.

So you’re just hanging out, and then you’re called upon for this “Rough Night” role with Kate McKinnon and these other funny women, where you’ll appear in only a thong.

Literally naked and I had no time to prepare. It was really fun when we were doing the movie. Especially Scarlett, she couldn’t stop laughing during the scene where my suit gets ripped off. In only one take she didn’t laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a nudist, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. It was super easy. I didn’t really have time to work out, but I don’t really care about that stuff. It was fun, but the thong was really uncomfortable.

Did your comfort level come from your experience modeling?

Yeah, I wanted to act because I did theater as a kid, but when I started modeling, it just got me so comfortable in front of the camera. I’m a nervous type of person all the time, but when you’re growing up in New York starting being a model, you really have no inhibitions. It was really easy and fun. It was funny because it wasn’t like I was playing some sexy guy — I was this really scared, quirky, weird, funny guy. And they kept giving me more. It was supposed to just be one scene and they kept giving me more.

After leaving “Arrow,” were you worried about being branded a CW star?

Yeah, you do come across that. I wasn’t worried because I don’t put too much thought into it, but at the time, when I started “Teen Wolf,” I was 21 years old. When I left “Arrow,” I was still 26 or something. I just wanted to take some time off to try to figure out if I can do anything beyond that. Not that it was bad — it was so fun, all those experiences. But I just mentally broke. My brain broke.

Because the production schedule was grueling?

Realistically, it was my personal life. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even go to work. It really was so debilitating that I would faint at work. I would literally not be able to speak because I was so nervous. I had to get ahold of that before I could come back and do stuff. They were all so, so amazing and saw me crumbling. I was able to get out that. But with things like that, people are branded as CW or MTV stars, but it’s a really great platform. It’s a good start. A lot of people that have started doing that have gone on to do a lot of things. I definitely came out on the other side, but I don’t think I was worried.

What did you do to get a handle on that anxiety?

I have no idea. I don’t think I still am ahold of it. I was joking with my friend and publicist, Chase, yesterday. We were just getting on a plane and I saw a photographer outside the airport. Luckily, he didn’t know who I was and didn’t take a picture of me, but I literally panic sometimes. It’s that thing of your privacy being taken away. People think you are your character. And I’m so down and cool and chill with people, but when there’s a lot of my privacy being taken away, it makes me feel in a box.

Do you feel similarly when you sense someone with an iPhone snapping a photo in your periphery?

I can always sense it, yeah. I don’t care at all. I’m the first person to say “fuck” and grab their phone and say, “Let’s do a Snapchat.” I don’t care about that — it’s certain situations. I had a bad break-in at my house, and also with photographers and people knowing where you are, it’s tricky. Like, how the fuck did you know I was here?

You’re at a comfortable level of fame for managing that. Are you prepared for what might happen as your profile continues to grow?

It’s funny because I was having the same conversation with someone last week. They were like, “You’re here, but what’s going to happen if you’re there?” I’ll be fine. I’ll think about that if that happens. If I’m lucky enough to do that and have that steady work and that kind of recognition, that would be great. Then, I’ll cross that path and get a bunch of Xanax.

You auditioned for “Twilight.” Given the level of intense fame those stars encountered, and how much they’ve had to distance themselves from the images that movie gave them, are you glad you didn’t get the role?

Oh my God. I talk about this all the time. I actually came across that script — I still have it; it’s in mint condition. I love Taylor Lautner — he’s the sweetest guy in the world, and he came out of it incredibly. He’s such a good guy, but I don’t know if, at that young age, I would have been able to do that. But if you watch Kristen Stewart’s interviews, she’s like, “We were the best family, it was amazing.” That young, I don’t know if I could have done it.

And even though she, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner made off OK, you know the frenzy of that fame will always haunt them, to a degree.

Oh yeah, I mean, that was an explosion. It was crazy. That would have been crazy. And then me coming out after “Twilight”? That would have been too much.

Your coming-out experience would have been so much more magnified than it already was.

“You’re not our Edward!”

Oh, I didn’t even think about it from that perspective. That’s a whole other rabbit hole.

“We’re Team Jacob.” That would have been hilarious.

“Rough Night” opens June 16. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from DIYS http://ift.tt/2s0roDb